#if i am 100% sure about one thing it's that Essek Fucking Knows

[wizardnuke]

MATTHEW TELL ME LORE ABOUT THE LUXON BEACONS WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THOSE THANGS. WHAT DOES ESSEK KNOW

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E131 (March 30, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Sam Riegel!

Brian points out that a lot of Caleb’s greatest fears have come to pass. Liam: “It’s funny, because he’d kind of believed for a while that those things weren’t going to happen. After a while, he got complacent.” He notes that it was extra wild because everything with Trent popped up again in the midst of that complacency. And how did it feel to be defiant toward Trent? “I think Trent successfully made Caleb question if Caleb really was in control“ at the dinner party. “I feel like anything that I do is part of his plans for me, or is that just gaslighting? I’m legitimately scared of that dude.” Sam: “Of Matt?” Liam: “Sure.” He highlights the disconnect between knowing that the M9 is mechanically powerful and could possibly defeat Trent in a dice-and-stats battle, versus fearing him in a story sense and being convinced he can do almost anything.

Sam, on Luc’s death: “That was brutal, man. Matt Mercer is a-- he hates children! Clearly. He actively sought to kill a child in the campaign in as brutal a way as possible. He hates children and wants them dead. Canon. No, but to RP, that was horrible.” He highlights that so much of Veth’s arc has been about trying to get back to her family. “We had to choose something and we thought we were making the right choice. It was all Veth’s fault, and it was pretty rotten. My heart was beating pretty fast, and I certainly didn’t want to have my son die live on the stream. I don’t know what Veth would have done. That’s the end, that’s over. It’s almost worse than when your own character would die. This is something that would also kill Veth.” After the episode was over: “just shaken. I also didn’t know what to do next! That felt like a turning-point moment for my character, weirdly so close to what we assume to be the end arc of this campaign. I texted Matt later that night and was like, that’s it, Veth’s out, I’m tapping out.”

There’s an interlude in which Sam discovers a new dream to record an episode of this show from his Peloton. Dani informs him that she will not be inviting him back.

On Astrid, Liam: “I literally don’t know what she’s doing. I know that she’s dangerous, she always was ambitious, and there’s not been a moment where Caleb let his guard down with her. He’s not trying to reestablish what they had. He cares for the both of them, for Astrid and Eodwulf. He thinks about it a lot, still. He can’t tell how much she buys into everything that she experienced and is now living as a full-grown adult. He suspects that she’s bought in and is not going to change things, because she believes in the system, as much as he’d like to peel her away. He does believe that they want what’s best for the Empire, and stopping whatever wants to come vomiting out of a hole in the frozen north is good for everyone. And they’re powerful. They’re not trustworthy, obviously. But there’s enough at stake to make it worth it. He could imagine a situation where they fight each other to the death.” He was convinced Astrid was going to stop them when they left the tower and was really shocked when she held back. Sam: “Not me! I’ve trusted Astrid since day one. She’s the greatest! I sent a letter to her, she’s very nice, I think you guys would be a nice couple. I believe every word she says.”

On having to decide on Veth deciding to go off and save the world after Luc’s death. “Like I said, I was ready to be done. And then I decided somewhere in there that that’s not very D&D. So I thought I’d leave it up to somebody else, so I asked Caduceus to decide for me, essentially. She knows she’s putting her other family in danger if she doesn’t go. It’s an impossible choice, you know?” Liam: “I love watching you grapple with it, because you’re a lovely father and love your kids.”

On the Sanatorium, Sam: “That was brutal, man. Matt lulls you into a sense of complacency. We’d forgotten that Caleb was a stone-cold killer! It had been a while since he went on a murder spree. Still got it!” Liam: “I never meant for this character to be perfect sunshine.” Brian: “You don’t say.” Liam: “He’s very not-perfect, and I think in his brain, he was going in with the impression that they needed to get in and get out as soon as possible. The place is crawling with people with magic ability, and I didn’t have faith that we wouldn’t be sussed out or something wasn’t going to blow an illusion.” Everything was about getting out of there as fast as possible.

Did the conversation with Yeza help with Veth’s decision? “First of all, every conversation with Yeza is a beautiful one. Every time she talks to Yeza, it makes her feel good. In some ways, she’s gotten to the point now where she knows Yeza’s going to be supportive, she knows he’s going to allow her to do what she wants, but maybe that’s too much. Maybe she needs to not listen to him, basically, and be like, no, you need to be selfish now, dude, you need to say ‘come home, I’m sick of you leaving’. At a certain point, being supportive can turn into being enabling.”

Cosplay of the Week: Jester in the snow! (liljerbear47, photography by kairiceleste on Instagram)

On Trent’s motivations for chasing Caleb: “I really don’t know. The simplest explanation is to just hammer down the nail that’s sticking up. It has crossed his mind that all high-level wizards are in danger of their own ambition and egos, so it’s occurred to him that Trent might have the same kind of ideas that Halas had in the past, and maybe Caleb was always meant to be another body to jump into. Maybe in some sick, disgusting, twisted way, he wants him to be his successor. I am thinking of the next campaign, without getting too deep in, trying to do something that is much more ride-along. Caleb is very, very specific, and I thought long and hard about all the different pieces on the chessboard for him. For campaign three, I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.”

Dani: “Do I need to be keeping lore on your fucking ads?”

On the cursed dagger: “It was a tricky one, because in campaign one, one of the characters was under the influence of a cursed weapon, but it interacted with him and he knew what it was and what it did. And it affected his gameplay as a character. For me, Veth didn’t know what it was, ever. I as a player knew what it was doing, but Veth didn’t know at all. So it was kind of like my dirty, dark secret for many months. I knew this thing was coming perilously close to killing me, but my character didn’t know enough to bring it up to her friends. Nobody ever asked! So I was like, well, I guess this thing’s just going to kill me one day, and it’s kind of going to be a surprise.” Liam: “Sam, you love danger and self-destruction so much, you might as well be Mollymauk.”

On the fight in Yasha’s sequence, Sam: “You gotta put a character in your storm giant creature. It was so fun! It was so great of Matt to involve us in this encounter. It would’ve been fun just to watch, because Matt would have made it amazing and Ashley was sweating bullets, which is always fun to watch.” Sam notes he felt guilty, but Liam was going for the kill. Liam: “Matt’s gotta be careful about giving me that kind of story beat. I do not fucking care, I just fucking flip, I’m like, well, I’m going to destroy you, and I have no qualms about it. It’s too much fun!”

The Beau/Yasha tower date was in part inspired by not being able to give gifts as easily this last year. “This thing that we do together is a gift, but I love finding these moments, like the book for Jester and the tower for Yasha and for Beau. I really just wanted to give both of them a little magic for a night. I wanted them to leave this-- we’re trying to be as entertaining as possible, but shit is having an effect on all of us too, and I wanted them to have an escape, a great place to escape to.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot, plus Marion, Yeza, and Luc! (vocaz on Twitter)

On choosing Essek over Trent, Liam: “It would have been so interesting and awful and great! Essek and Astrid and Eodwulf are everything that Bren used to be attracted to that are terrible for him. Essek, hopefully he can with time find a way out of the hole that he dug himself into, but it was only two months ago where he was found out and his ambitions came crashing down around him. Long-term, I have high hopes for him, but I think it’s going to be hard.” In contrast, Astrid and Eodwulf are still “deep in the shit. It would have been really hard to navigate, but fun to play at the table. We made the right choice with what we went with. Essek’s just getting started, and Caleb doesn’t trust him entirely, because he was burned so hard not too long ago. He’s still more trustworthy than the other three. So it’s the better choice. While Caleb has all these ties on the other side, they’re really fucking dangerous. So if you have to choose, you choose Essek. But fuck that die.” Sam: “Veth, much like Sam Riegel, makes instant decisions about whether to trust someone or not and sticks to it forever. Astrid, 100% trust. Eodwulf, 100% distrust. Essek, completely distrust. I still don’t think he’s a good guy. Ikithon? Trust. 100%. Because you know where he’s coming forward, you know what he wants. I still want him dead, but I trust him.”

On Veth’s post-adventuring plans: “Veth is probably still too in it right now to think about what comes next. I, Sam Riegel, have a good idea of what I want Veth to do post-campaign.” Brian: “Maybe you shouldn’t tell us. Save it for the show!” Sam: “All she knows is she can’t do this anymore. It’s very unhealthy to be battle-wounded every other day. It’s fun for a while, but college has to end at some point, and she’s gotta go home.”

On Frumpkin changing appearance and returning to the Feywild: “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but the way it feels now for Caleb is that he feels too enmeshed in everything that has happened, and too much good has happened, and too much needs to happened, that that really narcissistic, selfish goal has the risk of harming everything else, which is more important. And that’s how he looks at it now. So he’s gearing towards letting everything from the beginning of the campaign, and where he started, go, and trying to figure out what use he’s going to be now and what he’s going to do if they’re not all dead. If Matt throws that shit down, I don’t know what I will do, I think about it a lot. But turning Frumpkin white and saying you’re free either way is him preparing to let go of everything he’s been holding on to for a really long time. He’s addicted to that idea that he can fix himself, and we’ll see if that hard choice gets presented, what he might do. But where he stands now, he doesn’t think that’s going to be reality, and he sees a way that he can be of use that he never really anticipated before, so he’s slowly shifting gears towards living with the pain he was trying to remove.”

On the last request scene and confidence heading into Aeor, Sam: “I feel like that’s a good request. I think all of us realized that if we die, that probably bodes badly for the world. I feel like all of us are at a point now as characters and as friends, that the first order of business would be to take care of everybody else’s shit, although we probably have different ideas of how to do that.” Liam: “I want the Empire to be healed, Caleb has all these memories of his parents and what they wanted for the world, and he wants that too. It’s clearly not in place now, the system needs to be broken and replaced. That could be a part of Caleb’s sunset. I don’t want Caleb to die, so maybe he can work on that after. As everything starts to shake out and we start heading towards our destiny, Caleb’s just free-floating. He’s not even going after the same thing he started for. So he’s looking at Veth’s family, and Luc specifically, and seeing that’s me, that’s a little boy in the Empire.”

[bardicbird]

gender/pronoun hcs for the mighty nein + essek because i am legally obligated to hit every character w/ my queerification beam

caleb - was born a guy and is comfortable being called a guy and using he/him but someone asks him if he’s a man and he’s like “uhh????? sure? maybe?” has that very Neurodivergent connection to gender where he doesn’t really understand the purpose or practicality of it so he just. doesn’t think about it. if you reallyyyy made him think abt it he’d probably say he/they pronouns are fine.

fjord - transgender babeyyyy. he transitioned somewhere around the time where he chilled w/ vandren a lot, and vandren was very supportive. fjord was the kinda kid who grew up aggressively not thinking about gender until someone went ‘hey if you want to be perceived as a boy that much than you probably are one’ and he went ‘oh . oh fuck.’ uses he/him !

beau - 100% nonbinary lesbian. definitely has that ‘i grew up in a household that forced rigid femininity on me so now I’m uncomfortable with it’ vibe. pretty much cool with all pronouns and will just kind of. shrug if you ask, but there are definitely situations where she does not want people to refer to her as a woman (especially around strangers or male authority figures). she’s totally cool with the nein using she/he/they .

yasha - guess what it’s another nonbinary lesbian. yasha has kinda just. demigirl vibes. where she’s fine being called a woman but she just doesn’t super see a point in connecting to any femininity or feelings of womanhood. views her gender similarly to caleb but in the girl way ! i think she would use she/they :]

veth - i mean., if you give me a whole trans allegory backstory I’m going to hc her as trans 😌 no one in the nein is cishet. probably transitioned pretty early in her life , before all the goblin shit went down, and probably even before she met yeza. uses she/her !

jester - trans girl jester !!! i also hc marion as not-totally-cis so she definitely had a supportive household growing up, and probably transitioned very early. even picked out a new name with her mom ! i think jester would just have a lot of fun with gender. she identifies solely as a girl, but looooves to fuck around with neopronouns and different expressions of her identity. she would probably go by she/her as well as just. a whole list of neopronouns that i can’t think of right now. maybe some themed around cute creatures and sweets :]

mollymauk - genderfluid legend. his gender is literally just ‘fuck around find out’. he is every gender at once, and likes to express this in many different ways. doesn’t give a fuck about pronouns: he uses all of them. and he will absolutely refer to himself as a man and a woman in the same sentence to confuse people. i don’t particularly think molly would be okay with it/its but he’d definitely be cool with other neopronouns ! xe/xir definitely comes to mind with him.

caduceus - gender??? we don’t know her. cad’s just vibing. pretty agender as things go but doesn’t use labels. everyone sort of assumes he just goes by he/him and he doesn’t bother to correct them because i mean. they’re not technically wrong; he just likes other pronouns as well. he would definitely call himself a man casually and then take a solid minute to laugh at himself because ‘oh my god that sounds so silly’. would mostly go by he/they but wouldn’t mind a she thrown in there from time to time !

essek - there is no way this floating dysphoria hoodie of a man is cis. i hc him as transmasc ! which creates some.. interesting connotations in terms of drow tradition. i’d like to think that that’s part of the reason why he keeps his hair short? bc traditionally drow men have long hair and when essek came out he was just like ‘ugh fuck this I’m not growing my hair out thats too much work’. i think he’d primarily use he/him but would be pleasantly surprised at an occasional they.

[utilitycaster]

Wizard Breakdown Tracker, Episode 138

I think it is easy to forget that literally every episode that aired in the year of Our Common Era, 2021, has taken place over the span of *Spurt voice* eleven days. Well. It has. And, indeed, the last seven episodes have covered roughly two days.

The reason this is only about wizard NPCs is because they serve as a sort of audience surrogate in that they are nerds who don't go outside, vs. D&D PCs who see more shit in two to eleven days than most people would see in a lifetime; case in point, Essek's current state of shock. This is also making it very hard to check in with the other wizards. But also this is not about accuracy, even though I am usually right about everything. This is about...honestly I'm not sure, other than wizards.

What I'm trying to say is:

Caleb Widogast is a PC, not an NPC, and is not included in these strange statistics*.

Currently sidelined: Pumat Sol, Oremid Hass, Ludinus Da'leth, Astrid Beck, E_dwulf Grieve

Obligatory self-indulgent Vess Derogna song parody: Tomb....takers, killed you in your room, they’ll end the world soon but hey/you cult wizard, lost in a blizzard, whatever you’ve done, well, murdered, you’ll stay

Trent Ikithon: I am 100% serious that while I have made Narrative Sense In Actual Play Media in the rock on which I will cast my Temple of the Gods, if the final boss is Trent riding on Uk'otoa...I won't be mad. Like does it seem tonally off? Yes; Critical Role is not humorless high fantasy by any means** but they are not actively trying to seem like something that should be airbrushed on a van, usually. But will it be pretty awesome? Yeah.

Trent on the other hand is pretty fucking mad, presumably, because Caleb continues to leave him on read and also picked up a little something called Mind Blank, which is actually useful and not in fact No Thoughts Head Empty. With that said I don't think it's increased; I think we're just at a steady simmer.

Conclusion: 7/10.

Essek Thelyss: Okay I am a dabbler in both cosmic horror and mathematics; I enjoy many elements of both but am an expert in neither. But if I may drop the jokes for a second, how incredible is it that in this alien setting of a city that is an unwitting and unwilling amalgam of consciousnesses, with all the trappings of classic cosmic horror, two people decided to take a scientific risk with things seen as forbidden or foreign by their respective cultures...and won.

I don't know what will befall Essek and he's clearly still having a pretty rough time of it, even though unlike Caduceus I don't think he was brought to the brink of profanity again, yet; but no matter what happens at least he'll have the nat 20 of instant long rest. No matter what happens...he was right about dunamancy. Fucking ironic how much potential the dynasty is wasting, really.

With that said he does have a red eye now even though all he (and, to be fair, Fjord, Veth, and Caduceus as well) did was fight off an eldritch abomination without rolling what must have been like a 20 Wisdom save DC. Like, he (and Fjord, Veth, and Caduceus) do not deserve this. You think this man has a positive wisdom score? In this economy? (actually, he might, I say, looking at Caleb 'Wisdom Ostensibly 16' Widogast).

Conclusion: keeping him at 8/10. It's funny because he is fully on an emotional roller coaster but it's averaging out to about an 8/10 each time; it's just that he's constantly beset by horrors beyond imagination and really terrible rolls but also incredible validation of his beliefs that had so long been ignored. The man's mental state is basically a sine wave, which interestingly enough is itself influencing his mental state.***

Yussa Errenis: The Prodigal Most Interesting Man in Exandria returneth! Wensforth, play Freedom! 836 PD. You know, he should probably feel a little bit of shame, because he should know better, but also he probably does not. Anyway please enjoy the lines I had for Yussa while he was trapped in Cognouza that I did not ultimately use:

aha no don’t get your consciousness sucked into an ancient city you’re so sexy

Here am I floating in an ancient and terrible world-devouring city/far out in the planes/Threshold crests are blue and there’s nothing I can do

Making bad choices and joining the voices it’s...YUSSA ERRENIS

Conclusion: I'm going to say 6/10 but rapidly decreasing. Also Wensforth has had several days to clean the tower...maybe he just won't tell Yussa? He probably will though.

Allura Vyesoren: she's going to facepalm so long that Kima starts timing it, isn't she. She's going to get a series of messages like "hey so the Mighty Nein seem to be doing well! they freed me from the city which sucked me in like some spicy ramen when I did an astral projection...also something happened in my tower?" She's going to just stare out the window for a long moment. She is going to ask herself, much as I have many a time, what the fuck is in the water in Wildemount.

Conclusion: 3/10. Hey, at least she got some news on the Mighty Nein and the city!

Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk: consider: after over 35 years, give or take, in your own perception of time, trapped in a gem, you finally come across some people. Consider that one of them apparently can't resist a big shiny wizard trap. Now consider that this guy went into your +1 Demiplane of Wizard Murdering AND got his mind fully schlorped by Aeorians and yet you are still, inconceivably, stuck in this fucking gem. This is where he draws the line? At a teensy little bodily possession? What the fuck dude.

Conclusion: I'm pretty sure he's already a few large handfuls of iron filings short of a component pouch (which is to say, full up on the batshit) already but this cannot be helping.

*this will be the first but probably not the last cosmic horror and/or math joke because I actually forgot to make cat jokes last night, so thoroughly did the Nein demolish Cree. Speaking of Cree's fate...call that a Furrier Transform.

**high fantasy is a complicated distinction and the wikipedia page includes Discworld which does not seem right to me; it also includes the Belgariad, a series for which I have great fondness having inhaled the first three books while sick in bed as a fourteen year old and having reread several times, but which is explicitly written by a guy who was like what if I made something as formulaic as possible but also literally everyone is either super sarcastic or a huge moron but anyway imo High Fantasy is actually frequently fucking hilarious and a sign of the skill of the creator(s) is whether it's hilarious by accident or on purpose.

***something something Heisenberg uncertainty principle. I had a joke here but it got very convoluted and that is actually not a pun although if you understand why it could be a pun, good work.

[defilerwyrm]

⭐️ Bei Mir Bist Du Schön

FIC SPOILERS AHEAD!

Bei Mir Bist Du Schön on AO3

He opened his mouth to thank Essek but what came out instead was, “Deine Augen sind wunderschön.”

Essek stared at him, perfectly neutral save for the subtle rise of stark white eyebrows. “I don’t speak Zemnian,” he said, flashing his customary, placid little smile.

This is early Essek, well before c2e097, so this is a fully calculated move. That stare is him running simulations in his head, as it were, weighing his options, and he finally decides that he can learn more about Caleb if the guy thinks he doesn’t understand these little asides.

And boy did he ever just learn something juicy.

The second time, he was feeling petulant. Essek was normally a very patient and talented teacher, but there came a time when they butted heads over the best way to work a spell: Essek’s experience and Caleb’s contradicted each other, and neither was willing to admit that he was wrong because they weren’t. Caleb couldn’t have said why they were getting spirited over it. It was unlike them to lock horns this way, and the condescension chafed fiercely.

To my understanding, Wildemount never—at least post-Calamity—had a continent-spanning culture like the Roman Empire that would standardize learning across regions, and the Empire and Dynasty have utterly lacked in cultural exchange pretty much throughout their histories; so I reason that their approach to magic must be very damn different right down to the fundamentals. But, I also reason, magic is like math, in that there’s more than one way to come to a given conclusion—so the same spell cast by an Imperial mage might use different theory and somatic/verbal components with the same results.

I love fic that plays homage to cultural differences, so I figured that there must surely come a point where Caleb and Essek quibble about how to do a thing, with the crux being that they’re both right.

In a fit of pique, he muttered, “Du hast Glück, dass du abartig schön bist, denn du bist so ein Arsch.”

Essek’s head whipped up so fast that, for a moment, Caleb thought maybe he understood after all—but Essek just squinted at him without recognition and said, “I beg your pardon?”

Essek’s poker face is doing triple duty here because Caleb just said he’s hot af but also a dick, and this isn’t a sentiment Essek hasn’t heard before, but it hasn’t really gotten under his skin like it does this time.

Caleb passed a hand over his face and scratched at the beard he desperately needed to shave off. “Nothing,” he lied, “just annoyed with myself. This should be a moment of discovery, now that we know this can go either way. A door has unlocked and we’re both pulling it shut. Can we start again?”

The slip, and Essek’s reaction to it, made Caleb realize that they were both being dillweeds about the whole thing and it wasn’t going to move them forward at all.

It was—of course, of fucking course the intonation mattered. “A tonal shift,” he breathed. He took Essek by the lapels of his robe and shook him gently, and blurted out, “Ich könnte dein Gehirn küssen und dann deinen Mund.”

“What the hell is going on,” Nott squeaked at the same time as Essek chuckled almost nervously, “Caleb, I don’t—”

Hot boi damn near let the cat out of the bag right here. It’s certainly not that he specifically did not want to be smooched at all, but more that 1) Nott was RIGHT THERE so it would be mortifying, 2) he’s still very D: about physical contact and this point, and 3) he’s still very privately going “fuck fuck fuck WHY a HUMAN” about his own attraction to Caleb. There is very much a part of him that Wants That, but the rest of him is just not coping with it at all just yet.

The following morning, though, all he could think about was Dein Bett wäre besser and Essek’s careful fingers touching his face.

Both of them are fully mortified with themselves. They’re ridiculous. I see Caleb heading back to the Xhorhaus with shoulders bunched up, brow furrowed, and wide eyes glued to his own feet as his brain screams “DEIN BETT WÄRE BESSER” at him, mockingly, over and over. Slipping up and confessing your attraction to your crush is relatably horrifying (gods, I’ve been there, it’s awful) and Caleb is predisposed to beat himself up to begin with. Add in the rest of the party making a big deal over the fact that he spent the night over at Essek’s towers and you’ve got an abject storm in that little ginger head of his.

It did not help matters that no matter how much he insisted that nothing happened, the Mighty Nein were dead set on believing that he’d slept with his mentor, and they spent the next three days teasing him about it, none of them aware that he was simultaneously tormenting himself.

Okay so I try to be good and not talk shit about my own work these days, but that sentence just landed in a belly flop for me. I’m not sure it actually gets across what I’d meant, which was that Caleb was beating himself up for a different reason than what they all thought.

In the midst of a messy ambush by three of the wolf-cat eye-beasts, one of them managed to get the drop on Caleb, and it pinned him, screaming, to the ground. Its claws dug fiery punctures into either side of his chest. He thrashed, trying to get both hands up to cast, but it would be too late—his reflexes weren’t good enough. His body had never been nearly as sharp as his mind, and he was about to pay the price in the form of massive, dagger-like fangs lunging towards his throat. He screamed again, chest nearly frozen with fear, when—

Adventurers are generally made of tough stock, but I really wanted to dig into the POV of someone who’s being attacked by a terrifying cerature intent on ripping them apart. “You take 12 piercing damage and are knocked prone” is mechanical and dry; I wanted to show the full in-character implications of those mechanics.

Another fic that represents game mechanics narratively to absolutely stunning affect is Hard Mouth by road_rhythm, which I cannot recommend highly enough. I wrote Bei Mir before Hard Mouth started posting but had it been the other way around, it 100% would have been an inspiration in that regard.

He could not help but murmur, “Götter, ich bins so verschossen in dich.”

Fun fact: I got myself the book Talking Dirty German specifically for writing Caleb dialogue, and it really came in handy here. This idiom is from that book, as did abartig schön. The literal translation is “Gods, I am so shot into you,” which coming to think of it sounds a wee bit dirty but is figuratively very sappy.

Speaking of sappy….

“Das Gefühl ist Gegenseitig,” came the warm and sleepy reply.

Part of this is Essek being barely-conscious, but the bulk of it is this—and this is basically giving away the whole way the fic progresses: pretending not to know Zemnian began as a manipulation tactic to get intel, then became a game of “Let’s see how long it takes you to figure this out, smart boy” as their bond grew and Essek stopped deliberately trying to throw Caleb off, and finally when they were a couple he figured it would be cruel and pointless to keep up the ruse, especially since he’d been growing to appreciate pet names in their mother tongues.

Caleb took a deep breath, set his tea aside, and launched himself at Essek, who yelped, laughing, and danced out of his grasp. Essek led him on a merry chase around the kitchen and held out as long as he could before crying mercy at Caleb’s vicious tickling.

You know, I probably shouldn’t point this out in case my readers hadn’t cottoned onto it yet either, but it wasn’t until like a week after publishing this that I stopped and thought, “WTF happened to Essek’s teacup? Did he take the time to set it down? Did it get dropped and shatter? Did he show off and levitate it?? Did he bring it with him and get tea all over the place and himself?!” Smh…. Choose your own explanation, I guess, lmao.

The rolls were a little burnt that morning, but Caleb had no regrets.

Part of me feels like this is kind of a weak ending, but I justify it to myself by remembering how hard Caleb regretted his slip-ups over the course of the fic. He spends a good bit of copy beating himself up over them, so ultimately I think it fits, even if it kinda lacks punch.

[iatethepomegranate]

We are not alone in the dark with our demons, Chapter 10

In which Caleb buys a house in Rexxentrum with Beau and Yasha, becomes a professor, is showered in love and support, learns how to be a person again, and tries to protect those like him from going through what he did.

Content warnings: Panic attacks, vomiting, Caleb's backstory

Chapter summary: There's not a lot Caleb can do right now, but he can teach a hurting teenager a new spell and reunite him with his very much alive parents.

Chapter notes: I 100% believe that Astrid knows the Nein call Essek "Hot Boi." Chapter title is from Ghost by Jacob Lee.

****

Chapter 10: And I'm just a stranger who could be a friend

The first thing Caleb did was flip to the page in his spellbook where he had transcribed the Sending spell. It was far into the book. As he pulled out his copper wire, Felix made a sound of surprise.

“You learned this recently?” asked Felix.

“Ja, I travelled with a cleric friend for a long time who had the spell,” Caleb replied. “Not Caduceus; he was there too, though. Jester seemed to enjoy casting it at everyone, even mere acquaintances, so I never saw the need for it.”

“What made you learn it?”

“Jester insisted a few weeks ago, so I could talk to her while we were apart. I knew another wizard who could teach me, and we were spending a great deal of time alone together exploring Aeor, and exchanging theories.”

Felix, despite his distress, was absolutely smirking at Caleb and he was not about to deal with teasing from an actual child. “So… exchanging theories in Aeor? Is that what old people call it now?”

“Hush.” Caleb ran Felix through the basic somatic motions of the spell, before demonstrating it himself. “Hallo, Caduceus. I am teaching Felix the Sending spell. It will take a few hours. Let me know if anything happens.”

“Hey, Caleb. Beau has the monks looking for Nico. They’re playing nice with the Volstrucker, apparently. Don’t miss dinner.”

“Right, so you can have a single two-way exchange out of the one casting,” said Felix. “What’s the word limit again?”

“Twenty-five words. Now, this is a third-level spell. It will take some effort for you at the moment.”

“I’ve been to school, Bren. I know what spell levels are.”

“Call me Caleb. Or Professor Widogast, if you prefer. I do teach here now.”

“Fuck off.”

“Caleb’s fine.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Professor.”

This was better. Caleb could work with impetuous children. Most children he knew were like that. Caleb could tune his behaviour to whatever Felix seemed to find most calming. Or at least distracting.

Felix had great attention to detail, methodically copying out Caleb’s transcription of the spell and yet still finding excuses to make fun of Caleb along the way. It was comfortable, more than Caleb had expected. Felix only knew him by reputation, and one put forward by Trent, no less.

Maybe it was the shared trauma. Maybe it was the fact Caleb was teaching him something. Or because Caleb, despite being a professor here, wasn’t trying to inhabit a position of authority over him in the way Trent had.

Snacks were delivered to the room about halfway through the process. Felix paid it little mind, and that was painfully familiar.

“Felix.” Caleb could not believe he was enforcing a break. That he had become the kind of person who would pull a focused wizard away from study for mere human needs such as food. But he was responsible for Felix, at least for now, and that was a frightening pressure.

“Busy.”

Caleb closed his own spellbook, taking away Felix’s source for transcription. In its place, he put a bowl of fruit. “Eat.”

Felix paused, his pen hovering over the page, frowning. Then he slowly set it down and sullenly grabbed a plum. Caleb sat back against the wall, nibbling on a handful of grapes.

“Don’t forget to stretch before we get back to it.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “Why are you like this?”

“Listen, I’ve had many people do this for me in the last year alone. So I’m paying it forward, and you are going to accept that.” Caleb tried to throw a grape into his mouth, and missed. He grabbed it off the floor and popped it into his mouth. Chewed. Swallowed. “It’s good for you.” If any of the Nein had heard him say that, they probably would have fainted from shock. It was easier to give this advice than to follow it himself.

“I can see why Trent fucking hates you.”

Caleb snorted. “Oh, this does not scratch the surface of Trent’s problems with me.” He threw another grape, catching it in his mouth this time. “Did anyone tell you what my friends and I did to him?”

“No.”

“Well, he tried to ambush us at Caduceus’s family home. One of my friends may have ‘acquired’ evidence of his experiments from Vergesson, and he was upset that I refused to entertain his ego while busy with bigger problems. By the time we were done with him, Astrid and Wulf were on our side, my friends had permanently glued a silencing collar around his neck, and used the leftover glue to stick his hands together. And that glue was in the shape of a dick.”

“Bullshit.”

“Ask Astrid. She activated the collar. Or Beauregard. She put the thing on him.”

Felix had that look of a teenage boy who was trying not to look impressed, hiding it behind a veneer of sarcasm. “Okay. I will.”

They finished their break, stretched, and got back to it. Felix was clever, eager to learn. It brought back memories for Caleb. Good memories, as tainted as they now were. And as much as he was worried for Nico and grieved for what had happened, he was also indescribably relieved they had been able to stop Felix. If he could help Felix reclaim even the smallest amount of good from his stolen childhood, he would take that as a victory.

Astrid looked in on them as Felix practiced the somatic motions around his copper wire, his muscle memory already secure. With a few minor corrections, he would be ready to cast.

“Almost finished?” she asked.

“Almost,” said Caleb. “Felix, that was very good. Just watch that you fully complete the motion right at the end, and hold it until you finish speaking your message. With time, you can find your own method.”

“You learned this method from your special Aeor friend?”

Caleb sighed. “No, these somatic components are developed from watching several casters perform the spell. My colleague provided the basic framework to learn the spell, but his somatic components are more intricate than my own.”

“So he’s your fancy special Aeor friend.”

Astrid chuckled. “It’s not the silliest nickname he’s had. Now, focus. The Martinet is sticking his nose in our business and we need to get you out of here.”

Felix wordlessly practiced the gesture again, meticulously correcting his errors. He ran through the motion a few more times, becoming more confident each time.

“I think you are ready,” said Caleb. “Remember: twenty-five words. Consider them in advance. It may be worth telling Nico he can reply to you.”

Felix nodded and closed his eyes, counting on his fingers under his breath. And then he cast. “Hey, Nico. It’s Felix. I heard what happened. I’m okay. They stopped me. I hope you’re okay. You can reply to this message.” The barest pause. “Love you.” Felix held his breath, listening out for a reply.

Caleb let him have ten seconds, before breaking the news. “Felix. If he has not replied yet--”

“I know,” Felix muttered. He grabbed his spellbook, hugging it to his chest as he deflated, and Caleb’s heart broke. “Just… get me out of here.”

****

Astrid’s teleport brought the three of them back to Blumenthal. The path was muddy from yesterday’s storm. Felix gripped his spellbook tighter, raking his eyes over the buildings around them. The way he held himself, shoulders hunched, inches from bolting, reminded Caleb far too much of himself mere months ago.

“Felix,” he said. “We need to speak to your mother and father, but we will not put you in a situation you do not think you can handle.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.” And wasn’t that just painfully familiar. They had barely made it a few steps before he froze, closing his eyes against the vision of home.

Astrid looked to Caleb, silently begging for him to do something.

“Felix,” said Caleb, completely panicking on the inside, “we will not force you to do anything you don’t want to. Okay? Let’s walk for a bit. Take deep breaths. If we reach your house and you don’t want to go inside, I will stay with you and Astrid will talk to your parents. Is that all right?”

Felix nodded, and he took a step. Then another step. And another. They walked together down familiar but unfamiliar streets. They were in a different part of Blumenthal than they had been yesterday. Caleb blocked out most of it, concentrating on getting Felix through the next few minutes. His own shit did not matter right now.

Felix’s body language remained tense. His head stayed down, barely keeping an eye on where he was going. His fingers flexed around his spellbook. And Caleb was planning. A hundred different options.

Caleb refused to force this boy to face his parents before he was ready. If the time came, and he couldn’t do it, he would need somewhere else to go. Somewhere away from here. If Astrid allowed it, there were a few options. Veth in Nicodranas would take Felix if Caleb asked, but he wasn’t sure if Felix would feel comfortable being around a family like that, especially with a small child. Or Felix could stay at the Lavish Chateau, but Marion was a busy woman who had been through enough on Caleb’s account. There was the Gentleman’s hideout, but Caleb wouldn’t want to leave him alone there. He could take Felix to the Blooming Grove, where the Clays would willingly care for him, but taking a boy who almost killed his parents to a graveyard was possibly not the best option.

There was Reani, wherever she was, but he wasn’t so sure that Felix could handle her on his own, or that her rigid morality had shifted enough to take him in without killing him if she found out even a fraction of the shit he did while under Trent’s power. Taking Felix to Nila and her young family, who Caleb believed had returned to her clan, would bring up many of the similar issues as taking him to Veth. And the Guiatao clan had suffered greatly at the hands of the Iron Shepherds, including many deaths, so Caleb wasn’t sure that would be a good place for him to cope with nearly killing his own parents.

And Caleb was not putting Felix on a pirate ship, so that ruled out Fjord, Jester and Kingsley.

They could always bring Felix back to Rexxentrum and he could either stay on Astrid’s estate (possibly too traumatic) or with Caleb and the lesbians, but Ludinus was poking around and that could get messy. Not to mention the whole “harbouring a Drow fugitive” thing.

Caleb circled back to Veth. If Felix could handle it, he would feel most comfortable taking the boy to her if he wasn’t able to go home. Caleb hadn’t told her what happened yet; he was not looking forward to that conversation. Even if it would help him in the end.

Of course, this all depended on Felix. If he agreed to go home, this would be irrelevant. But Caleb felt better having come up with a plan.

They reached a quiet street. Felix headed to the house at the far end, partially concealed by a granary. Caleb thought, with faint nausea, that even the physical isolation of their parents’ homes could have been a factor for Trent.

Felix made it all the way to the small vegetable garden out the front of the house, but faltered between the carrots. He stared up at the modest house. A single-storey affair, small even for a family of three. The front door was painted cherry red. The boy’s lips parted; no sound came out. His eyes traced the features of the house - the red door, the two small windows, the thatched roof in need of maintenance.

A woman’s face appeared at the window. And the door flew open.

“Felix!” The woman ran out of the house, and Caleb was just barely able to take in her simple dress and heavy coat, blonde hair gathered in a loose bun. But as she got close, Felix stepped back, wide eyes fixed on her face, as she spoke in rapid Zemnian. “No one has heard from you in weeks. Where have you been? Are you okay?”

“I can’t do this.” And he was backing away. “I can’t.” He tore his eyes from her, and ran.

“Go after him,” Astrid told Caleb. He wasted no time chasing after the boy. Caleb had run from a great many things in the past few years, but he was not the fastest man alive. But he was fast enough.

Felix barely made it around the granary before he collapsed into the grass. Gasping for breath.

Caleb knelt beside him. “Felix, listen to me. You’re okay. Slow down, breathe. Let the air fill your lungs. Feel the grass beneath your hands.”

Felix dug his fingers into the dirt, gulping in air. He was listening, at least. Being on the other side of this was not especially familiar to Caleb, but he had coached Essek once or twice. He could do this. They could do this.

Of course, Felix barely knew him, so it wasn’t like Caleb could just hug him. That would probably make things worse. So he would have to use his words.

“Felix, you got this. How does the grass feel?” Caleb gave Felix a moment to process, and then he supplied options, taking a pause between each. “Is it dry? Wet? What colour is it?”

Felix coughed a little, sucking in a shaky breath. “Wet. Green.” His hand slid across the grass. “Short. Muddy.”

“Good.”

Felix leaned away and vomited onto the grass. Then he staggered to his feet, grabbing Caleb’s shoulder for support. They moved a little further from the house, and Felix leaned against the granary, knocking the back of his head against the wood. And he laughed, that kind of unhinged, hysterical laugh that was not funny at all. Caleb knew it well.

And then he was in tears. Caleb reached for his shoulder, carefully, and Felix didn’t shake him off.

“I was going to kill her,” Felix said quietly. “If you hadn’t… I almost murdered my parents. I love them. I love them… and it didn’t matter. I was going to… oh gods....”

“Felix,” Caleb said, and did a very poor job hiding the tremor in his voice. “I am so glad we found you.”

“What the fuck does it matter? I would’ve done it.”

“Felix, as somebody who did… it matters a great deal.”

Felix stared up at him, eyes wide and wild.

“I will not force you to go home if you’re not ready,” Caleb said, pulling his voice back under control. “All I will say is this: I would have given anything to see my mother and father again. I almost did. And I know it hurts to look at your mother, knowing that you were going to end her life because of a lie. But you didn’t. She is still here. So is your father. And you have time to heal, all three of you.”

Felix wiped his face on his sleeve, cleared his throat. “Okay. Danke.”

***

Astrid was seated at a small dining table with Felix’s mother and father. Nobody got up from the table when Caleb brought Felix in, though it took visible restraint from his parents. Felix took after his mother--blonde hair, blue eyes, soft features--but he was closer to his father’s build.

The father tore his eyes from Felix with visible effort, and when his gaze fell on Caleb, he froze. And Caleb recognised him, and his wife. Friedrich Schneider and Louise Fischer--probably Schneider now. They were a few years older than him, but he could recall playing together as children.

“I heard you were back,” said Friedrich. “You were helping Nico out yesterday, ja?”

“Ja, I was there,” Caleb said carefully. “As were Astrid and Wulf.”

Louise pulled out the chair next to her. “Felix, come here.”

Felix, still gripping his spellbook like a lifeline, shuffled over and fell into the seat. Caleb sat next to Astrid on the opposite side of the table to the family.

“I have given some details of Master Ikithon’s arrest,” Astrid told him. “We were just about to discuss options for support. If you would?”

“Ja, of course.” Caleb compartmentalised his old memories and focused on the task ahead of him. “We are organising a support group for Ikithon’s former students. We are still nailing down those details, but we will be sure to pass them on. I have also been appointed as a teacher at Soltryce Academy, and we are hoping to put the students back into school when they feel ready.”

Louise and Friedrich grasped at Felix, who curled in on himself but did not complain.

“We just got him home,” said Louise. “After everything Astrid has told us, why would we let him go back?”

“The students in Felix’s position are at a delicate stage of development,” Astrid said, with little inflection, and Caleb sensed she was compartmentalising as well. “They are quite skilled, but have lost the guidance they had. That is dangerous. Good or bad, Ikithon was…” She sighed, and the mask melted away a little. “He engineered this situation. We were dependent on him. Even those whose families still live. Bren, you have been out of his influence longer. Do you have thoughts?”

“Ja, I do.” Caleb had spent his fair share of time soul-searching in the past few weeks, as well as the past year as a whole. “Ikithon shaped each of his students in a very specific way: patriotic to a fault, willing to do anything to get the job done, and unfalteringly loyal to him. It is a gradual process. By the time you realize it is happening, you have already done terrible things at his command. For most, there was no way out. My situation is unique, because I was able to escape in a rather dramatic fashion, but it has taken years to shake off the influence he had on me. I was alone and homeless for most of that time, and let me tell you: almost every fragment of positive change in me happened in the past year, because I had a support network. I found people who cared about me, and they learned how to help me. It was a group effort. I am now in a position to offer that kind of support to others.”

“Say we let him go back,” said Friedrich. “Will he have to live in that place?”

“Not all the time,” said Astrid. “You are not far from Rexxentrum, so I do not see a problem if he wishes to come home regularly. Bren and I both live off-campus if he needs a break but cannot make it to Blumenthal.”

“You do not need to decide now,” said Caleb. “The seniors do not start for another few weeks.”

“We’ll think about it,” Friedrich said flatly. “What happened to Nico?”

“He did it,” Felix said quietly. “Had a breakdown. Ran the fuck away.”

“We have people searching for him,” said Astrid. “Bren taught Felix a spell to talk to him, if he likes.”

“He prefers Caleb,” Felix muttered.

“Danke, Felix.” Caleb had not expected Felix to speak up on his behalf, not when he had his own shit going on. “Astrid gets a pass and, well, your parents knew me when we were children. I go by Caleb Widogast these days, but I will answer to either name.”

“Why the change?” asked Friedrich, still in that flat tone of distrust.

“I went by many names after I escaped Master Ikithon,” said Caleb. “For safety. I gave that one to a woman who eventually became my best friend. Now, it’s my name. But, for you, I don’t mind.”

Both Friedrich and Louise did not look trusting. At all. A mere muscle twitch from openly glaring at Caleb and Astrid, really.

Louise sighed, and some of the hostility dropped. “Thank you for bringing Felix home.”

“We will check in regularly,” said Astrid.

“Felix can message either of us with the spell I taught him,” said Caleb. “If he so wishes.”

Things were too tense to continue much conversation. Caleb and Astrid said their goodbyes, and left. They did not speak, except for Astrid’s short incantation to teleport them back to Rexxentrum.

They landed on the outskirts of the Shimmer Ward. Astrid immediately combed her fingers through her hair, hands shaking.

“That was…” She groaned softly. “Thank you for coming. I will keep you updated on the search for Nicolaus.” She turned on her heel and marched deeper into the ward, pausing for a split second, before she continued onwards without looking back.

Caleb slowly worked his way back to and through the Tangles until he was home. He couldn’t fault Astrid for being distant right at the end. The last twenty-four hours had been intense for everyone involved.

It was close to dinnertime as he reached the house. He entered his side and shut the door, leaning against it as the strength left his body. He’d done it. Today had been two-thirds of a shitshow, and he had made it through.

Felix was home with his parents, and he had the means to contact Nico, and Caleb himself, if he wanted. That was a win.

Nico, however…

Caleb knew, intellectually, that it had been a freak occurrence. A series of imperfections had tangled together into a knot, and that knot had been Nico’s escape. Almost every wizard in that room had more than one try at countering Nico’s spell, but they had not been unable to unravel it. Nico, empowered by panic and grief, had thrown all he had into a powerful fireball, and had the adrenaline to power through what should have hurt him a great deal.

Caleb hoped he was okay. Physically, at least. Psychologically, Caleb knew he wasn’t.

He sat on the floor, resting his back against the door. And he tried something. Coil of wire in hand. “Hello, Nicolaus. This is Caleb Widogast. You may know me as Bren Ermendrud. I was with you today. I’m sorry we frightened you. Be safe.”

He didn’t expect a response, and he did not receive one. A small part of him feared Nico wasn’t responding because he was dead. It was all too likely. There was no way he hadn’t been injured in the blast. Once the adrenaline wore off, the pain could’ve taken over and left him vulnerable to any number of attackers.

Gods, if after all this, Nico had died on the side of a road…

Caleb was tired. But he forced his fingers to cooperate, and worked through another casting.

“Me again. I want you to know: Trent Ikithon is in prison for what he did to us. You’re welcome in my home, when ready.”

Again, no response.

“Caleb?” A form slid into view at the top of the stairs, blending into the dark, but Caleb knew Essek’s voice anywhere.

“Ja,” he said, with the remaining strength he had. “Felix is home. We have both tried to message Nico, with no response. I…” He didn’t want to speak it into existence, so he shifted the morbid statement on his tongue into something more positive. “I hope he’s alive.”

Essek floated down the stairs and sat beside him, squeezing into the remaining doorspace. “If he's anything like you, I would expect nothing less.”

“Danke.” Caleb dropped his head onto Essek’s shoulder, and let himself rest.

[sadwizardgirl]

My Campaign 2 Thoughts

Alrighty folks. We're here. We made it. I’m running on like, 3 hours of sleep and my coffee hasn't kicked in yet so bear with me if I ramble/don't make sense. I’ll take things by character I think? 

Once I finally typed everything I wanted out, I decided to put a keep reading thing. Its a long one I’m so sorry haha. But yeah, click on it if you want to hear someone’s tired ramblings about how much they love the Mighty Nein. Obviously spoilers below... <3

One last thing - I want to say thank you to everyone who I have interacted on here with. I would have never, ever thought that I would live blog Critical Role when I started watching it. And because I have, it makes me happy that I’ve found lots of nice Critters like me to follow, like, reblog, laugh and cry with all at the same time. You guys are really cool, so thanks for letting me be a small part of it all <3 

Molly/Kingsley - 

I’m honestly not fully shocked that we didn’t get Molly back after all that. I think Tal has said that Molly is gone and will stay gone. Maybe this is how Molly was when he first woke up, but we obviously didn’t see that part, and neither did Yasha. So honestly, the only people to know would be the people down at the circus. I’m personally okay with the differences in Kingsley and Molly but I like that Kingsley wanted to call Molly his brother at least and learn about him later on. Remember when Molly said he didn't want to learn who his previous self/selves were? The pirate life for Kingsley is --- interesting haha. I’m not hating it, I can definitely see a Jack Sparrow kind of vibe. I just didn't think Tal would go for a pirate type life for him. Thats all :) 

Cad - 

I’m also not surprised at what Cad chose either. It was interesting to see his whole EMPATHY routine with Trent. Thats been a side of Cad no one has seen. I know I’ve seen some people say that they were sad that after all this adventuring, that Cad would just chose to live at the Blooming Grove and never leave again. But didn't Tal say that Cad would take walks out of there and explore for segments of time? Like 6 months, then a year, then a couple years. I could have sworn he said that and that he would go visit his friends in those spans too. But I could have totally imagined it/took it that way. 

Veth- 

This totally makes sense. I was sad to see her go before the whole Trent thing, I would have loved to see her stand by Calebs side during it but I get it, She missed her family and they would see each other again anyway. I 100% would love if the M9 had a summer camp. Like, I’m just saying. That needs to be a one shot. I don't have much else to say other than I’m glad that this is the ending for Veth and nothing else. 

Yasha- 

Again, I’m super happy with this one. It makes sense that she would want to go see her wife and the whole Stormlord thing???? Fucking awesome. I’m glad that Yasha has finally found peace and love with someone and is content. Thats all I want for Yasha. I’m glad that Kingsley seeks her out to find out about Molly too. 

Beau - 

WOW. Okay. So not only does she help take down Trent but also her dad stuff? Fucking great! I’m so glad that Beau has gotten to this point in her life. Not only has she brought down corrupt people, but also learned to love throughout everything she's been through. I’m sorry, I with my tired brain can think of more good things but I’m just super happy about this. 

Fjord -

For some reason, Fjord’s ending made me cry. I don't know if its because its been awhile since we’ve gotten true Fjord lore stuff where Travis absolutely NAILS the roleplaying or what. But literally as soon as he raised his hand to say hi to Vandran, I started crying. He’s been looking for answers for so long and he finally got them. I think its very on brand that he just sailed out willy nilly knowing what happens but at least Matt was merciful haha. I think That plus his love for Jester and suggesting they find a place was so very sweet and totally them. I’m sort of glad that he left his ending so vague. Because imagine the sea one shots we can have with Fjord going to Darktow or finding Sabien once and for all etc. 

Jester - 

I’m --- I’m torn with Jester. I’m glad that Jester wants to travel more and see the world still and thats what she's doing with Fjord. I think I’m more of torn just because I’m so used to Jester being SO over the top with everything she does (in a good way) but then I guess that means she's maturing and growing up. I’m glad that she left her ending vague as well for the same reasons as Fjord. SIDENOTE: It’ll be interesting to see if any of this leads into the VM vs M9 show off and if there's going to be canon involved or what. 

Caleb - 

I left Caleb for last. Not only because he's been my favorite character all campaign long. But because most of the buzz is coming from his ending. I’ll preface this first --- I’ve never been an outright Essek/Caleb shipper. I’ve loved their moments together and am not against them in any shape or form. I’m just not one of the die hards shippers. Same with Caleb/Astrid/Wulf. 

BUT - With that being said, I’m very happy with Calebs ending. I’ve seen some people that are mad that he didn't do what he set out to do - which was take down the corruption. But Liam said that he sees that aspect of his life as a life long endeavor. So just because he takes up the teaching gig - which I’m so happy with btw; more on that in a bit- doesn't mean he stopped. You can root out the corruption from within and I think Caleb started to realize that was going to be the best way. I’m glad he didn't take the place of Trent. I think things could have gone horribly wrong even if he was at the top. Am I thrilled that Astrid is there? Not particularly no but its better than Trent. Caleb being a teacher makes so much sense. At the beginning of the campaign, Nott was always telling people that Caleb was the one teaching her the magic she had, plus the trading notes with Yussa and Essek over the years. It all leads to him teaching. Finally being the teacher --- the right teacher for the future generations of wizards. He was never going to accomplish that in Trents place. 

Now --- the elephant in the room, Essek. I’m 100% okay with this part of Caleb’s story. I’m glad that he did go back to Aeor and learn what he could. I think its what Essek said. That he wouldn't change his past because it led him to that moment with Caleb, but then still offered to help Caleb if thats what he wanted to do for himself. I’m happy that Caleb finally let go of the part of his past that kept his guilt so present. He’ll always remember his parents and what he did, but he's allowing himself to walk through that door and to start finally healing. Let me tell you how much I ugly cried when we finally heard what his plan had been all these years AND what that second book was that he never told us about. Liam O’Brien you poetic son of a bitch I love you so much. But damn did I ugly cry literally during that whole time. Okay sorry, now Essek. I think them realizing the age differences, being in the relationship for however long they were but then remained friends is so very much like both of them. They are both logical people. To me this makes so much sense. I think I’m in the minority here but it does. Essek will outlive the rest of the M9 so of course they realized eventually there was going to be this elephant in the room when Caleb grew old. I’d like to think Caleb wouldn't want the extra heartbreak on Essek when Caleb eventually dies, then the rest of Essek’s friends die on top of that. Liam said that this campaign, romance in any shape or form was not a priority and I think also that had a part to do with it. I’m glad Caleb just didn’t be alone for the rest of his life and only teaching. I’m glad he reached out to Essek and did that stuff, and then taught Luc. It’s far from the sad wizard boy who was ready to leave the M9 at a moments notice to be alone. 

Sorry for the rambling and VERY LONG post. oh my god I’m so sorry but it just kept coming. haha I’m very sad to see the Mighty Nein go. This campaign was the reason I got into D&D and where I fell in love with it. I fell in love with these nerdy ass voice actors and their characters. BUT it makes me excited for campaign 3 and the future of Critical Role. 

SIDENOTE: WHAT THOUGHTS DO YOU GUYS HAVE ON THE PROJECT THEYRE GOING TO ANNOUNCE NEXT WEEK HUH? I’m glad they mentioned that they aren't ready for Campaign 3 just yet, but Marisha made it at least seem that its on the horizon. I’m sure they want to take the break they deserve and have time to transition from their M9 characters to their new ones. so yeah anyway 

Thank you, Mighty Nein. Long may you all reign. 

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

Sleepless in Zadash: A Critical Role Fanfic

So...I know this is @essek-week, but who better to appreciate Essek than Caleb? Honestly for today I was half tempted to just reblog my Bakery AU fic Labor of Love (which you can read on AO3, all about a buisnessman!Essek falling in love with the owner of a cute magic bakery). But you know, I had this kicking around in my WIP document, and it fit with the Wine Concept, so I hope you enjoy it! 

All I have to say besides this is...there was only one bed

Read the collection on AO3

Caleb sighed as he watched his phone slowly but surely climb up from a measly 2% to 5%. His back was nearly plastered to the wall of the column, squeezed awkwardly between two rows of seats. Crowds of equally stranded passengers moved throughout the airport, trying to find some sort of slice of area to set up for the long wait. Based on the snowstorm that continued to rage outside, frosting the large windows and icing the wings of the planes, Caleb guessed they would all be there for some time. 

His phone began buzzing and flashing, Nott’s face flashed with her teeth in a wide expressive smile. Caleb picked up the phone. 

“Hallo,” Caleb answered. 

“Caleb! Are you alright!” Nott’s shrill tone went straight to his heart. “Where are you right now?” 

“We stopped in Zadash, I was supposed to get my connection here but it isn’t looking like that’s going to happen any time soon,” Caleb said with a wince. He looked over to the Dwendalian Air desk, which was in the process of being mobbed by irate customers. “The desk is going to announce the information at some point if no one murders them.” 

“What the fuck!” Beauregard’s voice echoed from the background. 

“That really is unfortunate,” Caduceus chimed in. 

“Are you going to be able to get somewhere to sleep?” Fjord asked worriedly. 

“I figured I would just rough it at the airport,” Caleb said, curling his legs towards his chest before flexing them out. “I’ve slept in worse places.” 

“We’ll come get you!” Nott nearly shouted into his ear, Caleb had to momentarily move the phone away from his ears. Someone sitting in a nearby seat shot him a dirty look, obviously having been startled out of sleep, before getting up and moving in a huff. Caleb gave them an apologetic look before refocusing on the chatter on the other end of the phone. 

“It’ll be like a super fun road trip!” Jester chirped. 

“No, no. That’s like three whole days, and very dangerous because of the snow. I’m sure we’ll be out of here by tomorrow anyways,” Caleb promised. 

“Well that fucking blows. Do definitely try to get a hotel or something man, I’m sure they have to give you something for the layover,” Beau said practically. 

“He probably won’t, because it’s Dwendalian Air, and life’s a fucking nightmare!” Jester sang cheerfully, and Caleb couldn’t help his grin. 

“He could kill them,” Yasha’s soft voice offered. “The people behind the desk.” 

“No, that definitely would not work under any circumstances,” Fjord pointed out. 

“It was a joke, mostly,” Yasha said, her quiet laugh making Caleb smile. 

“Alright, I’ll let you know where I am and what is going on,” Caleb promised. 

“Bye Caleb!” “Bye Cay-Cay!” “Good luck!” 

Caleb hung up the phone, tapping on the cracked screen. 10%. Caleb sighed, and slid further down on the wall. He continued to watch the waves of people, mostly their feet considering his angle. He liked counting and organizing, it was something that came natural and was always soothing despite the situation. Heels, sneakers, winter boots, light-up and glitter, black and brown, a myriad of types, black oxfords as shiny as a new copper--

A wallet dropped behind the oxfords. Caleb ripped his phone and cord out from the wall and rushed to grab the wallet. 

“Hey! Wait!” Caleb barely managed, breathless in his panic. He couldn’t imagine being stuck at an airport, and losing your wallet on top of that. Just that panic alone propelled Caleb forward. “Your wallet!” 

Black-shiny-oxfords turned around and it hit Caleb in the gut. He was the most handsome man Caleb had ever laid eyes on in his whole life.  He was drow, like many of the professors who guest lectured at Soltryce University from Roshanna College, but had the distinct pleasure of being probably the most obviously attractive person Caleb had ever seen before. He was all high aristocratic cheekbones and delicate silver eyes and curly coiffed styled hair.  He was wearing a meticulously pressed black suit tailored to match his whole aesthetic, like he would drift from the airport and onto a fashion magazine cover. 

He patted his pocket, before holding out a leather-gloved hand. He plucked his wallet from Caleb’s hand delicately. 

“Thank you so much,” shiny-oxfords said with a smile that made Caleb feel like he was having heart palpitations. His voice was smooth with a lilting Xhorhassian accent that added such a depth of flavor to him, and there was something so desirable and timeless about him...as if he were a vintage of wine that never went out of style. It poured over him like it was worth 100 gold a glass. "If I lost this, I would have been in some trouble." 

“Uh, yes, of course,” Caleb cringed, and shiny-oxfords immediately pulled up out of the way of an orc yanking his entire family’s carry on’s on his back. His touch, even through his glove, had Caleb jumping like he had been shocked. “Sorry, sorry.” 

“It’s alright,” shiny-oxfords said eyeing the hurrying family with distaste before looking back at Caleb, “which flight were you supposed to be on?” 

“Connection to Trostenwald,” Caleb said, managing to collect himself and hoping beyond all hope he wasn’t too obvious in his desire to drink this fashionable, beautiful stranger’s presence down for all it was worth. 

“Same,” shiny-oxfords said, looking at his phone. "Though I was hoping to make it to Nicodranas from there. Just got an alert, flight cancelled."

"Oh, sheisse," Caleb groaned, looking at his own phone. The same notification had popped up on his. 

"Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?" Shiny-oxfords asked worriedly. 

"I was just going to...you know sleep here," Caleb said with a helpless shrug. 

"Well, I have enough International Inn points and I made a reservation to stay the night at the Pillow Trove when it looked like things were turning sour. Consider this a thank you gift from me." 

"Oh, you don't have to," Caleb tried to argue. 

"No, I do not," shiny-oxfords said simply. Caleb stared at shiny-oxfords. "But it is the right thing to do considering you kept me from getting arrested as a Xhorhassian national at a Dwendalian border without a passport."

"Oh," Caleb said dumbly. 

"I am Essek Theylss," he said, holding out his hand like his name meant something and Caleb took it dumbfounded. 

"Caleb Widogast," he introduced. 

"It is a pleasure," he said as if it were easy being the classiest person in this place. "Let's get our bags." 

They had to wait an obscenely long amount of time to get their bags. And by the time they did, Caleb was perfectly fine to skip the line for the dinner ticket that he was sure wouldn't even work. They managed to get out of the airport, Caleb waving over a cab from the dozens that crowded the stand like birds huddling together against the snow. He opened the door for Essek after they loaded their bags into the back, eliciting another quirked half-grin from him that had Caleb flushed like he had downed a whole bottle. Caleb had only ever been to the Pillow Trove once, on a weekend in one room with the rest of the Mighty Nein. He wasn't proud to say that they got absolutely wasted on the liquor and cheap wine in the mini fridge, and when you were that drunk it was easy to feel like you belonged anywhere. However while being totally sober he knew he was absolutely out of place here amongst the crystal chandeliers and marble floors. 

The lady at the front desk gave Caleb an incredulous once over, before focusing squarely on Essek. Drow were rare...and generally still unwelcome, but considering how much his clothes nearly stank of money she put on her best congenial smile. 

"Reservation for Theylss," Essek said, flipping out a black credit card and an ID. The lady looked over the ID long and hard, though Essek continued to smile placidly. Eventually, she seemed appeased, though Caleb fought his glare. 

"Of course," she said, typing out very quickly on her computer. "We have a one bedroom available on the fifteenth floor. It comes with a pull out." 

"That will work," Essek stated before looking over at Caleb. "Sound fine to you?" 

"Yes, better than fine," Caleb said, hitching his duffle bag more firmly on his shoulder. He had balanced his messenger bag on the other, while holding Essek's rolling bag. Essek flashed another grateful look at him. 

"Very well, two keys please," Essek asked, and though it looked like it physically hurt the woman she coughed up the two keycards. 

They were down the hallway and up the elevator. Caleb counted the doors as they passed until they finally made it to the room. The room itself was spacious and well furnished, with a queen sized bed, a love seat and the pull out by the window with a small round table. The window itself was wide, and gave a beautiful view of the city that was still being pelted with snow. Caleb dropped his bags on the door side of the room, nestled by the closet. 

“I will be happy to take the pullout,” Caleb offered weakly, turning to his new roommate who smiled in an obvious attempt to placate him.  

“Nonsense. I only need to trance for four hours, you take the bed,” Essek said with a wave of his hand. “A Theylss always returns a favor, if I didn’t my family would have my head.”

“Then let me at least buy you something downstairs...dinner perhaps?” Caleb asked, surprised at his own daring. “And a good bottle of wine for the trouble.” 

“We can split the bottle then,” Essek said, his smile this time showing fangs. “And I doubt that any of this will be trouble for me. Come along then, Mr. Widogast. Dinner, wine, and then bed.”    

Caleb really did like the sound of that. 

[readbythestarlight]

c2e98

I’m a few days behind but here we go

Ashley xD

"A CAPELLA?!"

I hope Marion didn’t get anxious when she realized the M9 left her at the party

E: "I know I can protect myself. I don’t think I can protect all of you. That is why I am worried." </3

C: "Make no mistake, we do not trust you."

E: "Good, that will help you survive."

C: "That doesn’t mean we don’t hope for you. It’s a tricky balance, Essek."

E: "Isn’t everything?"

[[MORE]]

I feel like given the histories of some of the others (and the way members of their group have casually committed murder on several occasions) Beau is being a liiiiiittle judgemental

I mean I get it

Ohhhh got some inner group conflict!

Cad doesn’t want to risk reigniting the war just for revenge, Nott and Beau and Caleb at least don’t agree. Could be interesting.

Mmm idk Veth, Yeza doesn’t really seem like the vengeance type

"You don’t want to punish the people who made you, you want to make sure no one makes [another] you. Remember that." Goddamn Caduceus.

lol the hat™️

"Everyone was so enthralled."

"....Yeah ;)"

I adore Marion

Fjord is such a sweetheart

This Fjord Jester banter is amazing I love them

Last week Fjord third wheeled on. BeauYahsa date, and now he gets to go on a dinner date with Jester. Nice.

I feel like their tone towards Essek has shifted a bit since last week. For Caleb to say now that his redemption seems unlikely? That was NOT the vibe I was getting before.

"Use the man" see and I don’t quite like that either?

Also it’s weird that Nott went from "welcome to the mighty nein" to "he’s a bad person who I don’t trust and who can’t be forgiven" (not her exact words but the vibe I’m getting)

Maybe I’m just too fond of Essek

And like I’m 100% here for a long journey to redemption where he has to take steps and do so much

But I’m not down for this idea of "I don’t think he can even do it"

And I appreciate that Caduceus and somewhat Caleb and somewhat Jester and somewhat Fjord are in support of his having a chance

But Veth and Beau are being a liiiiittle harsh considering their own track records for moral choices, considering Nott was willing to consider continuing the war and, again, they’ve frequently killed people with no reason

B: "you have a great sense of branding, Caleb."

C: "do I really? I am not using my actual name."

New tarot cards:

The jewel and the thief NICE

the spark and the blaze

Death and dawn

Damn Laura those are amazing

Cad talking to every animal ever is amazing

A ~mystery case for 500gp

I love this shopkeeper

Her: "it helps me maintain my gardens"

Cad: O_O

Of course THAT’S what he wants

Oh no he’s so bad with money

CAD

THAT’S 200gp FOR A PLANT NECKLACE

He DYES his hair?? I THOUGHT HIS HAIR WAS NATURALLY PINK

Omg Cad

You can really tell he’s a prankster at heart these days

WOAH this fan is COOL

Beau’s AtlA vibes keep getting stronger and stronger

A box oh boy

Fjord, Mr. Curious, is never NOT going to give you permission to open a thing

Omg Jester talking about her feelings about the Traveler FINALLY

Girl craft time is now feeling time

Fjord as acting captain is the best

It’s nice of Caleb to go and compliment everyone and also to make sure that Fjord knows they notice the changes he’s made too

Which I think Fjord needs to hear

Like he’s so background now, just trying to take care of them

And I love when they decide to make sure he knows they notice how he’s changed and how much happier he is and how good he is overall

Oh dang we getting some good Fjord feels now

Those good Caleb and Fjord feels

I’ve missed their talks so much

I love my half orc son

Ouch now some Caleb feels

MY! BOYS! MY FEELS!

godDAMN I have missed when they talk.

Fjord and Caleb are always going to be such a special pair to me and that’s never gonna change

Fjord pouring his tea off the side is my favorite xD

"Saffron and mushrooms" ew

Also the way Fjord wants to please them all over the little things (the hat, the tea) is so endearing

Gonna be real though being on the ocean again for the first time properly since Fjord changed allegences makes me nervous. U’kotoa is def gonna somehow become involved.

Oooo storm a’comin’!

I’m so far behind but here we go finally catching up

Okay well I’m not worried about Ashley/Yasha leaving which means I can enjoy this visit from the Storm Lord

Also holy shit Matt the lightning??

“Prove”?

OUCH baby girl!!

FEATHERS

YOU GO BABY GIRL!!

“You are worthy, both of my guidance and of your own acceptance. This path before you is long, and I won’t let you stray.”

MY EMOTIONS

Storm Lord: “love your friends! Love yourself!”

Oh fuck Fjord’s turn

No FUCK the falchion is back

WHAT

No

NO

FJORD

BABY

WHO

WHO IS IT

fuck

Oh fuck someone else has the falchion

AVANTIKA??

OH MY GOD

ITS GONNA BE HER ISNT IT??

What is it???????

HE’S ALL BY HIMSELF

I KNEW something was gonna happen to Fjord with them back on the ocean

Fuck fuck fuck

Oh thank god Orli

Fuckity fuck fuck

Oh fuuuuuck someone get to Fjord

Be safe Orli!!

NO

ORLI

I’m concerned about the cleric spell usage...

Fuck fuck fuck FJORD fuck

FUDUDJDKDLCK

HE’S DOWN

NO

They’re not going to stop until they get what they want from Fjord are they...

But Matt if he hadn’t moved past Yasha he wouldn’t have been grappled in the first place

Oh Fjord...

Fuck

Oh thank god

I mean I’ve seen spoilery art I know what’s coming but still somehow I’m tense

Cad and his beetles are KILLING it

I don’t really know how this works out but if he’s perma-dead I may have to take a break

Idk I know it’s just fiction but I can’t handle this

MATTHEW

YOU CANT KILL ORLI TOO

FUCK YOU

I’m gonna cry about Fjord and Orli both

This isn’t fair or funny

Taliesin is SHAKING

I just almost had a heart attack thinking they would take Fjord

Thank god for counterspell

Fuck Ashley you badass!!

Oh Fjord tho...

And Orli...

God okay so I was under the impression that Fjord was 100% dead and the clerics had no spells left, but nobody seems that worried so I feel much better.

If they can’t bring Fjord AND Orli back tho I will cry

On to episode 99...

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E123 (Feb. 2, 2021)

After last week’s thoroughly relaxing and brief episode, tonight’s guests are Sam Riegel and Liam O’Brien!

Brian, to Sam: “You look like Tim Curry moved to Nantucket to become a sommelier.”

How did Caleb and Veth approach the ally-ship with the Tombtakers? Sam: “I mean, we got some information, and I think we got a little closer to Lucien and knowing whether he has any of Mollymauk inside of him, which is I think the most important knowledge that we’re seeking right now. Is there someone to be saved inside there? We got glimpses, and we got a little hint that Mollymauk is maybe still in there? Maybe? And we got a little more insight into their plans, so that was useful.” Liam: “We know why we were having that fucking dream.” Sam: “But other than that, it was just a road trip with assholes.” Liam: “All our plans have been ripped in a new direction, and it’s just been improvisation.” Sam notes that it feels like we’re always about to rip into Caleb’s backstory, but haven’t yet followed that thread all the way through. Liam: “It’s partially frustrating, to be sure, but also I like the idea that-- his whole shit has been selfish, it’s been dealing with the trauma that he’s been through and not the greater world, and that’s been shifting somewhat.”

Does Caleb think the book was worth it, and is he still interested in reading more? Sam: “How do you ask Caleb not to read a book?” Liam: “Caleb has spent enough time with the Nein to know you shouldn’t put a hand on a hot stove. After what happened with the book, he knows it’s a terrible idea. But maybe. But it’s a really bad idea. But reserve judgment, but it’s a really terrible idea. I think that Caleb is very aware that mages and people like him very easily fall prey to their curiosity and it can lead to bad places. But there is still that amount of scientific endeavor where you think there is value in knowing and learning, and maybe we can ride that line. He was True Neutral at the start of the campaign, and maybe he’s Chaotic Good now, but part of him is hubris, even if it’s a little bit, still.”

What about Otis has drawn Veth’s focus? Sam: “I mean, he’s a little shit. She was curious about Otis because he’s a small like she is, and in talking to him, he seemed to be real creepy, but he was just creepy and distant and didn’t value his past or family or anything like that. She sees someone who’s like her, but so not like her, and maybe that scares her a little bit more.”

How does Caleb feel about Beau being on this ride with him? Liam: “The dream is another example of how Caleb had very narrow vision of the things he wanted to do. It used to seem so massive to him, but now... To have Beauregard involved feels right. If anyone in the group is going to stop him from grabbing something he shouldn’t, it is probably Beauregard. She’ll punch him in the fucking face to stop him, which I think he needs, to a certain extent. They’re two different kinds of nerds, and I kind of like that, that this group of nine philosophers, they’ve reached out and somehow grabbed the two nerds in the party.”

How do Caleb and Veth see the Somnovum? Sam: “I mean, they seem real bad. Anything that’s a quorum of powerful entities heading towards your planet to unleash an energy of any kind, typically bad? I assume they’re bad, or at least the Tombtakers wish them to do ill.” Liam: “I think they want the kind of peace that comes from snapping your fingers and turning people to dust. Caleb sees them as a cautionary tale; they’re the worst-case scenario for arcane inquisitiveness.” He sees Allura Vysoren as the antidote to that.

Why the staunch refusal to use Halfling Luck? Sam: “I don’t like Luck! I just don’t like Luck. I think it’s cheap, I think it’s a cheat, I think it’s stupid. It just feels like a do-over.” Liam: “I am your antithesis! If I ever voice a halfling, I am going to hammer that feature!” Sam: “What I love about D&D is that you don’t know what’s going to happen. If you roll bad, okay, that’s it. If you roll well, it makes the success more enjoyable to know that it’s a pure success and don’t one where you’re like well actually... it’s so stupid. If someone was about to die, I would probably use the fuckin’ Luck feature. Well. It depends who. If it was Travis, yeah, no, he’s fucked, sorry.”

Liam drops that he’s picked Sam’s character class and race again for a hypothetical campaign three. Sam: “It’s not what I was thinking for future characters, but I’m excited to explore.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Mollymauk by KatofValkyrie!

What was it like to bring the Tombtakers into the tower? Liam: “It is complicated, because he does not like him. Lucien’s just a fucking dick. But Caleb also knows that Molly’s in there somewhere. That tower’s only for the M9, and Lucien’s not in the M9. Their situation with these people is shitty, it’s terrible. Caleb doesn’t feel like they have the upper hand. He doesn’t like that they’re even going on this journey per se, because life is bigger than his bullshit. He feels like they’ve been losing over and over again, so it was a gamble to try to get on equal footing.

What spurred Veth into making sure she and Yasha have some one-on-one time? Sam: “Yasha hasn’t been getting a lot of moments to shine. Now that she’s back, I just got the impression that Yasha feels out of place sometimes, or timid, or unsure of herself. When Veth was Nott, Nott certainly had her share of those moments. I think she sees a kindred spirit and wants to make sure that she’s been giving all the opportunity she can to flourish and thrive. Dani, you’re just laughing at my mustache, aren’t you?” Dani: “Yes, that’s the only thing I’m laughing at through this whole bullshit.” Sam denies all knowledge of trolling, but eventually admits, on the topic of Yasha and Beau getting together: “They’ve made me wait this long... I’m going to make them wait a little bit longer!”

What was it like to show his friends the upper floors? Liam: “I kinda expected somebody to sneak up there before that. That being part of the tower is not even a conscious choice of his, it just is. The reason Caduceus has creeped Caleb out for a long time is because he talks about how-- Caduceus is a really kind person and wants Caleb to let go of the past. And in a really simplistic way, turn that frown upside-down. And that’s just not who Caleb is, and it’s not who everybody is. There is something to be said for trying to stay open and positivity, but thinking you can shut out the past, especially a traumatic one, is just not true. When things happen to us, we carry them. But to candy-coat it and say, ah, I’m free, or everything is good, or I’ve turned the corner... life is way messier than that. It’s not flipping a switch, it’s not bad-to-good, it is such a work in progress. Even when you make strides and start to get to a better place, you can backslide a lot. So the tower is who he is, and the tower is 7/9ths love for his friends, and 1/9th hope, but there’s still a percentage of him that carries everything from the past, and knows that he should, and knows that he should not go back to where he was. And the way to do that is not to say everything is rainbows, but to remember it. The tower is just like an extension of who he is. He’s never going to forget the past, and he’s never going to be like, I’m good, or I’ve turned a corner. He should remember the past, and he should do better, always.”

Does Veth still believe it’s possible to get Molly back? Sam: “Well, she was a person trapped in another body for many years, so has some experience there, and definitely believes that the spirit and soul of Molly is in there and just needs to be unlocked somehow.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot by HarpySN!

How are Caleb and Veth dealing with their guilt and fear about being in the middle of this? Sam: “It definitely was a deep conversation that might have repercussions going forward. The problem with all of what we’re doing now is that we don’t have time to deal with our petty problems anymore. It’s all high tension all the time!” Liam: “It’s true; they’re not in control of their situation at all anymore.” Sam: “It’s good to have these check-ins, but it’s not like we can do anything about them. We’re reactive right now.” Liam: “He’s not happy with where they are, but they wouldn’t even be this far if the goblin hadn’t pulled him out of the mud. So part of it is, you saved me from where I was and got me on my feet again, and now it’s disconcerting to see it all just get knocked sideways by something he never could’ve predicted. I think Caleb felt nostalgic for when things were simpler, in a way, for them, when we’re both troubled drifters.”

What was it like to see Gelidon’s return? Liam: “I am the least superstitious person at the table. Ashley’s dice suck.” Sam: “It was fun fighting a dragon!” Liam: “Two massive battles in one episode, neither of which came away with a victory. I guess surviving is a victory.” Sam: “I’d forgotten about the dragon, honestly.” Liam: “I loved it. I was so upset at the idea that we were going to stealth and not get into it.”Sam: “Mercer doesn’t keep a live dragon around and not do something with it. That dragon’s coming back.”

How do Caleb and Veth feel about going to see Essek? Sam: “He can be very helpful, I believe, but as Sam Riegel, a player of D&D, I’m super suspicious. What the fuck is Essek doing up there, so close, now? I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him. And I can throw him pretty far because he floats.” Liam: “I 100% agree with you. I do not understand what Essek could bring to what we are going through. I know the audience loves him, I love him too. He’s a really cool character. But he’s fucking toxic. He out of curiosity caused a war between two nations. And Caleb has been changed for the good by the M9 from months of travel with them. Essek has had none of that. Caleb has changed for the good, but not because of people like Essek. Essek is where Caleb came from. We kept the lid on the pot during the whole treaty at sea and it almost all went fucking sideways, and only because we pressed him into a corner. I hope that guy finds some sort of balance and peace for himself, but I do not see how his input here would be helpful. There’s other heavy hitters that I would try to pull in.”

Liam notes that the Cloven Crystal is in the Bag of Holding. Sam: “Do I have Fluffernutter, or is Fluffernutter gone?” Liam: “Nope. 300 pounds of fireworks? Gone. A dead mage, a threshold crest, and fireworks.” Dani: “Your basic essentials.”

[readbythestarlight]

c2e88

Taliesin is so confused by this ad lol

Where is Laura?

The groans xD

Laura's?? Not here?? I mean I'm glad she's at the game awards but THIS IS SUCH A BIG WEEK STORY WISE

Boy we've just started and I'm already ready to die

[[MORE]]

I only just caught it just now but are the CA saying they recovered the beacon that was stolen? Aka the one the M9 returned to Xhorhas already? Or a different one?

The Bright Queen gave them a house and the best the empire can do is a cozy inn? Lame.

(I was always more pro-Dynasty than Empire but it's pretty much set now.)

Didn't even pay for their dinner?? Rude.

Cad: "I've had to learn new words for what happens to me now."

The Dynasty: "We cannot afford to 100% trust you but you have done us a great service so here is a house and a symbol to show you have the favor of our Queen."

The Empire: "You did us a great service but also fuck you here's a hotel and no meal and also if you don't do this thing for us we'll charge you as traitors even though only two of you are actually from the Empire."

lol the hotel workers are funny tho

Empire people? Cool. Empire rules? Fucking suck.

Nat20 for free stuff xD

F: "who's the grossest?"

Cad: "I was swallowed."

Y: "I haven't had a shower in months."

F: "oh! God! What!?"

Cad: "You've won first place."

Y: "Oh, no, I wasn't trying to like..."

J: "IM GOING FIRST!"

I'm worried about Caleb

Snuggling his cat and thinking over his trauma </3

Laura just left the awards show omg

Also the way that Travis looked at her like heart eyes and Laura being like "hey baby ;)"

She looks hot by the way

Yasha paying Fjord back from MONTHS ago is sweeeeet

The book? What's the book? I don't remember?

"Is there a chair...?"

"There is."

"Kill it with fire!"

Oh boy here we go

"And I think we need to work with him...?" I don't like that and I don't think you do he's a liar and a manipulator and a piece of shit

But I understand his point because they are in the worst potion right now

Cad: "if he even looks at you sideways we will not leave enough of him to be found."

Goddamn Caduceus. I love him so much.

Cad: "Well, what I mean was we will do all we can to keep you safe. Is... what I meant."

They're being very serious about this and I'm so glad

Well okay they WERE being serious...

Lol Beau with this teenager is so funny and adorable

I'm glad they're not all sleeping alone

Jester is all sad that Beau doesn't want to double up :(

The B/J/Y shippers just went wild lol

F to C: "if you want to finish this personally... let me know." Thank you Fjord

My old Widofjord shipping heart is happy

Omg Cad handing over the symbol of the Wildmom and telling Fjord he's doing well on his own IM HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS TONIGHT Y'ALL

Oh boy Yasha dream

I'm emotional

Like crying

Sure this guy does something neat with doors but doES HE FLOAT??

I miss Essek

The only mage with a tower I trust is Yussah and it is NOT this guy

Of course Trent is the one who confirmed it had been found

It's definitely trapped somehow

I don't like that they have to go somewhere that Trent decides

WHISPERS

he's a shifty fucker right we all know he is

Double whispers

Lol meeting in the Happy Fun Ball

I was gonna say the Forge

Jester wants to have it at Traveler con xD

Jester is weirding him out and I love it

God sure have this very serious possibly war ending meeting on The Ball Eater sure

They're disasters

I can't decide how I feel about him and I want to hear the results of the whispers

Oh no I'm worried about Yasha

Okay... so he's helping hide Yasha that's good, but is he also gonna hold that over them?

I hope Trent looks at Caleb sideways so the M9 can cut him into pieces

I feel like this guy is meant to be the Empire version of Essek but he's got nothing on Hot Boi

In a dense forest under a bunch of trees and a tower in the middle of nowhere

Oh fuck the sanitorium oh god oh fuck someone immediately check on Caleb

Trent did that on purpose

Hey Cad remember when you said y'all were gonna tear Trent apart if he tried to hurt Caleb? It's time to start ripping.

I haaaaaate this

I'm still trying to decide if Caleb legitimately snapped or if something was done to him

I want to crawl through my screen and strangle Trent myself

Someone please stay between Caleb and Trent at all times

So... nobody in the empire questions why Trent Ick-athon has a laboratory in a sanitorium huh. Like that doesn't ring any bells?

Also fuck it's Edowulf

Astrid's gonna come in to try and throw Caleb off isnt she

Liar liar pants on fire every word out of your mouth is a lie you vile don't of a biiiitch

WHISPERSSSS

he's a liar liar liar

Or he's telling half the truth

So the tripod... prevents it from working?

God he's such a condescending fuck I hate him

I haaaaate him and I hate that he's playing it so cool and calm because that makes Caleb seem like the unreasonable one which is brilliant of him but it just makes me loathe him even more

Oh god Caleb please roll well

Fuck fuck fuck I hate him fuck someone GET BETWEEN THEM

I feel gross and I'm not even in the room with Trent ugh

This tense standoff between Caleb and Trent is physically fucking me up my skin is crawling

Also Nott touched it and nothing happened

Eowulf is one of Trent's "favorite" and and he's looking at Caleb like a creep

Even if I don't trust him I appreciate Ludinus stepping in to cut the tension

Beau trying to trip him upppppp I love her

Alright time to get them out of there Ludinus

Shut the fuck up Trent you state away from both Caleb AND Yasha

C: "Wulf. It's good to see you again."

Eowulf: "it's good to see you too. It's been some time. You look good."

I haaaaaaaaate that they're all being so calm and semi-friendly because again it makes Trent and his ilk look like the reasonable ones

Ludinus: "I can always deal with Trent after the fact."

Y: "Let us know when you do that. We would like to help." Damn fucking straight

Essek scrys because he's worried about them and he pops in just in time to hear Jester insulting his teleporting Lol

I get the feeling Matt is tweaking the time of Traveler Con a bit because he doesn't want Jester to feel pressured to interrupt important things

Is the Wildmom illegal in the Empire?

Ha Fjord impressed Ludinus nice

L: "it's... entirely off-putting how disarmingly charming you are. I don't know how to handle it." That is the funniest thing anyone has ever said about Jester

J: "are you alright Caleb?"

C: "I don't know."

Y: "I don't like him at all."

Everyone else: "same/oh god no."

Okay Wildmom is illegal time to hide your shiny thing

Cad: "I have never seen another person walk so daintily around the truth."

See every time Caleb talks about how Trent gave "private lessons" my skin crawls it just draws too many parallels to creepy creepy shit

Yasha is gonna be good for Caleb here, they both understand what it's like to be used and controlled and manipulated

So like Trent was THERE and if he saw that Caleb knew about the beacons then he's gonna know that somehow they were involved with the beacon disappearing

Oh she's creepy

Cad gonna buy the femur flute lol

The pranksters gonna get that glue oh lord

Yasha gets a bone harp and she and Caduceus start the most unnerving band ever and I for one am THRILLED

Don't they still need to fetch something for the three kobolds in a trench coat? Let alone for Pumat and now this woman lol

Pride silk.... oh dear it's gonna be mutant bugs

Called it

Three silk worms good luck bringing those back

Matt's like WOOO fight tournament hell yeah!

Y'all should go take downtime in Xhorhas in the Xhorhaus and talk to Essek about all this

....I just really miss Essek guys please

Liam O'Brian you will NOT let Caleb sneak off on his own to go see Astrid you CANNOT ajslajkssksk

This episode didn't go as painfully/badly as it could have but it still stressed me out a lot and I'm still worried about Caleb and Trent Ick-athon can choke and if Caleb really goes go off on his own I will scream like baby PLEASE

God now we have to wait a whole week IS IT THURSDAY YET

[readbythestarlight]

c2e79

Frankly I imagine this is an accurate depiction of how Sam would act if he had indeed been up for 44 straight hours and was surviving on Red Bull

We’re so blessed that Laura and Taliesin sit on the same side of the table as Sam because their reactions are amazing

Laura doesn’t have a clue what’s going on in the Game Ranch and it’s pretty hilarious

Hi Essek pls help us here you can have our horses

HA he smiled! :D

He loves them

WHISPERS

[[MORE]]

Also they didn’t even clearly tell him where to go

Do not file a complaint or ask him for anything else omg

Poor Essek

Guys no

Guys NO

I take it back he hates them xD

Caleb constantly trying to be the one who communicates with Essek and also mostly taking the blame whenever the group messes up is sweet

"The Traveler loves you so much :D"

Fortunately they rolled nice and high

Okay he really does love them

"There would be nothing I would love more.... than to not be around you anymore for the remainder of this day." loves them

I love the little eye squint/crinkle thing Matt does as Essek sometimes

B: "Hey Essek? Are you mad at us?"

E: "Mad is not the right word... I would say, uh... ready to leave."

J: "I’m so glad he didn’t say disappointed."

I wanna know what those whispers to Caleb were about

"Be careful, be safe, do not be stupid, and, ah, goodbye." He loves them.

Cad just talking to the forest

"Probably start a fire who knows" lol

Toad just eats the fly and Cad’s like Cad: "Not cool man! That was definitely not cool. Don’t suppose you want to help."

Toad: "croooooak"

Cad: "yeah, didn’t think so. Shoo."

F: "are we following the frog the toad the??"

Cad: "no no he’s no help"

I’ve got a bad feeling about this

Okay they’re pretty close

Caleb wants to save Yasha, save her from her own head

Oh dear...

Something about this is reminding me of when they went to clear out the Gentleman’s hideout and there were the two dead bodies and the fish people. I know it’s probably 100% unrelated but still.

Wraithwood tree

"Beware the bark that bites"

Oh I love this

Fjord is right they need to be ready

Imma gonna fight Oban for treating my girl Yasha so bad

"Don’t forget you were the one to find me, Orphanmaker." Don’t like that.

THAT’S my girl! Fight him!

Oh they’d better kill that demon fuck before I do

Caleb can’t whoosh y’all away though guys

This is going to be a fucking disaster

This plan is bad

All the plans are bad

Except for the plan where they rest

I think Fjord is right and honestly while I know it’s bad if this next evil thing wakes up, it’s not their sole responsibility to stop it and the risk of one or many of them dying is HIGH

The fact that we’re getting the break before the 2hr mark tells me Matt is anticipating a fight, and probably a long one

The whole plan is already falling apart smh

They’re gonna die

Fuck fuck fuck

I can’t believe

Oh god oh god oh FUCK

This is all going so wrong

You guys are fucked

Fuck fuck fuck

Oh god

Oh no a map

Death is coming

I like the idea that Cad goes invisible instinctively like it’s an animal defense thing.

I also like to think his ears droop and lay flat whenever he’s scared/unhappy

I’m just trying not to think about what’s happening right now

...oh my god they left

I feel like they’re forgetting that if the laughing hand laughs and snares any of them with it they won’t be able to run and this whole plan will be for nothing

This is terrible this is so bad they are 100% not even remotely prepared for this and they need to accept that and STOP

Like I know they want to stop them but they will not be able to and it’s not worth dying

Oh god oh god oh god

Y’all need to LEAVE

Please don’t have the components because summoning the demon is not allowed

No Matt DONT allow it

God

Not to criticize Matt but I feel like maybe he should not have dropped this on Travis/Fjord right in the middle of an episode. It should have been discussed after and implemented from now on.

God tho I still didn’t want him to be able to do it

Do they even have any healing spells left because Jester doesn’t have any and if Cad doesn’t have any they’ll be relying on just cantrips and potions

So now Cad is out of spell slots and they’ve got hellhounds after them. Lovely.

Fuck fuck fuck FUCK

Banishment Plz Plz Plz

FUCK

ajdlsjaksks

CHARM MONSTER PLZ PLZ PLZ

YES

wait fuck Matt no

YESSSSS

GO FJORD THATS MY BOY

Matthew Mercer

Oh thank god what was that

Fjord is such a badass he just saved their asses

Fjord honey NO you can’t stay behind we can’t split the party

Okay please just keep moving I guess if you’re not gonna leave

You should leave tho

That could have been good or terrible

Oh god here we go

Matt’s gonna have to call it for the week, no way can we start a huge fight this late

Oh GOD if this works I will die if this doesn’t work we will all die

The tree lives!

Okay that could be good... useful at least

Noooo he got it?! Fuck

Here we go I can’t breathe

Please please please please be safe Nott

I’m almost too tired to be stressed at this point but only almost

Now they’re double screwed because they don’t have an out

I’m so tiiiiiiired

Insight greed huh that’s interesting

That was so anticlimactic and I’ve never been so glad

NO you cannot kill the laughing hand you are all EMPTY and you need to go home. You need to sleep. There was no way that you could possibly have done this anyway.

Matt, out of game: Marisha my love please be careful with that pencil I am legitimately scared

Cad and Fjord and Jester are right that is as good as it was going to go y’all were not going to win

God I’m so glad they didn’t die

I’m sure you can stop him next time

Liam and Marisha are genuinely so annoyed lol

And Fjord still didn’t get to use his sword

Matt’s mood is very interesting I can’t place it

Love you Matt! Thanks for not killing the whole table!

[readbythestarlight]

c2e70

I miss Ashley :(((((

Sam has way too many props in front of him I’m nervous

Matt having to be like "Sam please don’t gloss over this the feature is actually really cool"

Oh man I wish Liam was actually in the room for this

Takiesin losing it at Sam’s ads is always my favorite part

[[MORE]]

I love how well Matt and the others handle the fandom drama. Just a reminder to love each other and a sort of stern look. No big grandstanding speeches or anything, just a reminder that we are a fandom who should be spreading love.

I don’t like that "seemingly" destroyed...

They need to message Yeza too because he’s just at home waiting

They should 100% have written this message before she sent it

YES tell her where you are right now

Cad’s right don’t act like you did anything wrong

I really think they should go back, regroup, maybe get some advice or some help

Idk man I know Cad sometimes sees the best in people and wants to trust them and maybe he’s wrong but I really think they should go back. They need help. They are so in over their head.

Frumpkin the therapy cat

"I don’t mean to raise my voice" Cad says while talking only moderately louder than usual

Cad’s so appaled by the fact that none of them know how to have any kind of faith

I don’t understand Fjord’s insistance that they are responsible

Oban would have done it anyway. This way they KNOW it’s happened.

Cad’s right. Jester’s right.

Beau and Fjord are both being pretty aggressive about this and it’s really interesting

I can’t decide whether that was a manipulative thing or a "we literally just don’t want to cause a panic by telling people there’s a monster demon god thing suddenly on the loose" thing

I don’t think that was a fair way to word that question, Beau. "Would a good guy serve a queen or save some people?" like that was not at all a fair way to ask. Y’all don’t have all the answers and Caleb’s right, you shouldn’t go off half-cocked

"Should I scry on Yasha?"//"Well at least she’ll know she’s not alone." MY HEART.

"I think disavowing authority simply because it is authority is reckless." Ooooo Cad hitting that nail on the head where Beau is concerned.

Jester being so sad and done is breaking my heart tbh

MotherfuCKING OBAN IS BACK ISNT HE

"The dead stare" too sad

FUCKING KNEW IT

I KNEW HE WASNT GONE

God dammit

"Seemingly" Matt said and I knew

"What if she was bad you guys? What if she was bad the whole time?" Oh Jester no </3

"She wasn’t." Thank you, Cad.

That’s an unfortunate point

What if they are heading to the main door

Which is very close

Don’t

Like

It

That

At

All

Okay it looks like the Bright Queen has at least warned some people which is good

I can’t when Matt uses that accent because all I can think of is Skyrim

"Right now she’s definitely the orphanmaker" owwwww

M: "Make a stealth check"

S: "I’m not trying to steal them."

":O"

S: "I’m trying to buy them."

":O!!"

It was forged in the forest where he grew up?? And now he’s gonna reforge it in the kiln or something maybe?? Idk.

Dwueth’var. cool name.

It’s so cool to finally know something about the sword

Beau trying to make Jester feel better while internally being like "McFancypants??"

Jester doesn’t just need Fjord’s validation she needs EVERYONE’S validation

"Couldn’t sleep because I kept waiting for lightning" Beau was waiting for the Storm Lord to come save Yasha

C: "Caduceus is not the only one who’s good."

B: "You uh... talking about me?"

C: "Yeah, I am. You shit on yourself a lot. I see you do good every day."

Having Empire Kids feelings now

Ohhhhh Beau was supposed to take over the family business??

GASP Shakaste has gotten Luc to Nicodranus that’s good!

I hope

N: "You’re not chill?"

J: "No!"

"And you’ll meet the rest of your family" for Jester’s sake I don’t want the Traveler to end up being a jerk but I just can’t quite trust him

Time to go sailing again

"Let’s have the meeting at the volcano Cad wants to go to for convenience sake"

J: "It’s really hard. There’s so many things in the world and I thought it would be really cool to see it all. .... But a lot of it is just really sad, a lot of people getting hurt." :(

TT: "But there is beauty in sadness too. Without those moments it’s hard to appreciate the beauty. You’ll be sad again. To live is to be sad, time and time again. But you also get to be happy. You get to be playful. You get to be mischievous. Just know no matter where you are, I’m not far. And also know... you’re not the only one being watched over anymore. There are many voices, many eyes upon you. ... Wherever your friend Yasha is, I’m sure there’s some very powerful eyes on her that never left."

J: "Good ones? Helpful ones?"

TT: "I’ve seen the storm myself."

Alright fine I like him and I trust him and I’m gonna regret it

Beau listening for thunder again </3

What the FUCK is this Yeehaw Game Ranch ad omg

GUYS

GUYS YOUR MOORBOUNDERS

Literally anyone but Fjord

"I’m just gonna lie to her" see it needs to NOT be Fjord

Oh damn so their information was good?? There was an attack on the garrison and there were the assassination attempts

That’s good. It gives them a little cushion here.

Wait fuck do you think Dairon is the assassin they caught??

It is Dairon isn’t it

oh fuck is it Astrid??

I can’t decide which will be worse

AYYYYY BOY

ESSEK I missed you

Oh boy here we go who is it

I am so anxious

Oh shit he said her name

oh god

Oh no

Ohhhhhhhhhhh godddddd

Oh shit now he’s said his own name

FFFFFUCK

oh god it’s not Astrid

AND HE MIGHT HAVW JUST GIVEN HIMSELF AWAY

FUCK

nope nope nope

Well this woman has to die now

"I’ve heard things about you Bren. Welcome back."

NOPE.

"Some of us get tired of macabre fairytales. Enjoy your mouth full of lies when they choke them out of you." Damn.

Awww Yeza has been cleaning and making things neat because he’s LONELY HE’S BEEN ALONE SO LONG

Caleb, babe, be careful

You are emotional and making very curious decisions about what you are choosing to reveal

Stone, Dust, and CLAY huh?

I’m suuuuuper into this lore this is great

I wanna know if it’s Matt’s or Taliesin’s or a mix of both

Cad: "I’m 2000 years old"

N: "Are you shitting me right now?"

Cad: "Yeah :D"

Caleb is confusing everyone and it’s quite funny but also a bit sad he’s clearly so shaken

Beau’s definitely in trouble

Good episode! Honestly Laura really carried it this week, with the amazing Jester feels. Taliesin too.

Good ep. Gooooood ep.