#if i could find him again tomorrow or something sure ill talk to him about what happened but like 🧍🏻‍♂️

[elegyofthemoon]

doc: okay try and call me past this hour and we can talk over the case

me: ok

>tries to call

>the phone number doesnt work

me:

[lawva-girl]

Historically.. We don't mix. pt. 2

Law x fem!Reader, College AU

Pt. 1

Notes: Sorry i took forever, i kinda forgot i even posted this... HERES PT 2!!! let me know about any ponderances or possibly any errors... i dont have a beta reader or anything.. ALSO i could not come up with a nickname for reader..... so in the chat rooms i put "Y:" for "You". PLEASE tell me suggestions i will go back and fix it :D

WC: 2526

Back at the dorm that Law and Bepo shared, there was no chatter. Law was simply laying in bed with his laptop open to 5 tabs, one for each of the classes he was taking. He was taking all history classes this semester, since his counselor told him to. He would definitely miss the bio information but he did like history. Scrolling through each class, he breezed through all of the syllabus quizzes. Once he felt satisfied, it was onto checking his email, with one catching his attention. 

“DIRE!! MAKE AN APPOINTMENT OR TEXT ME ITS EMERGENT!” The email title felt like a scam but he knew it was not, in fact it was a daily burden. The man who had sent it, his counselor and adoptive father, always communicated like this. After opening the email, he found himself irritated again, Cora had only wanted to remind him that classes start today. 

“How would I not know?” Law muttered to himself. Reading through the email, then deciding he had been too neglectful of the man Law opened up their chat.

L: I know it was the first day, I got to my first two classes on time.  C: Good!!! I miss you! <3  C: Any new friends?!  C: Do you like your professors?? I hand picked them :D  L: Hand picked? You are making me socialize on purpose.  C: Not true! Nico Robin is the smartest! She already had her masters by the time most have an associates!  L: The classes are fine. Bepo made a friend, her name is Perona. C: Oh! Mihawk’s kid! Good to know she’s here! Is his step-daughter here too? Maybe y/n?  L: Yes.  C: Oh! I heard she’s similar to you! Maybe you two can be friends or something?  L: How long did you have to think to come up with this plan of yours?  C: No idea what you are talking about…. L: Cora.  C: … C: Anyways, have you gotten all the textbooks you need?  C: I want to make sure you find them all!  C: It's my job, you know.  L: I still have two more classes to go to tomorrow, but i’ll be fine.  L: Thanks.  C: Anything for you! We should meet for lunch soon! I can make you salmon rice balls! Like when you were still a baby… remember? You loved my cooking! L: I did not. You should not be in a kitchen alone, Ill meet you on friday at 11.  L: Don’t start until i'm there. Please.  C: Okay !!!!! C: I'll see you then law! C: Cant wait ! C: Sleep tight <3<3<3 

Law closed his laptop, relaxing his shoulders. He glanced over and Bepo was already asleep. He kicked off his blanket and got up to go to the bathroom. After he finished his business, washing his hands like any good bio major, he strolled to the microwave area. He had only wanted water but he saw the picture of him holding a letter, standing next to Cora. Staring at it, he wondered why the giant had wanted him to socialize so much. It’s not like he never sees human faces, or stays inside all day everyday. He just liked being alone when he could, no one to ask him stupid questions. 

After finishing his water, Law went back to bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two went through the rest of the week, meeting each other an embarrassing amount of times. Neither one had any reason to talk to the other, so they didn’t. Until Wednesday rolled around, and they were back in Nico Robin’s class. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Someone has it out for me. I know it for sure” You wrote in your journal, along with the date and class name. Looking at Law, like you had these past two days, made you realize it more. 

“I have pissed off whatever god actually exists and they want me to repent. There is no way that all four of my classes are naturally shared with Trafalgar.” You finish scribbling away in your journal, just in time. 

“Okay, pass forward the paper I handed out to you. This was just a fun assignment to see what areas we, as a class, are most interested in.” She spoke smoothly, with an even tone. It was almost like she didn’t care, or like she had done this 20 times. 

You heard some of your classmates groan and while you agreed, you thought it was inappropriate to voice that. Tapping a pen on the paper of your journal idly, you waited for more instructions. Even though your classmates weren't raised well, your father had done a fine job with you. You were nice, respectful, studious. Sure you are shy but it's not like it mattered. 

Why speak to people and risk being embarrassed if they don’t want to talk to you? 

“Okay, as I said before this class is based in groups and communication. Please tell one person about what you studied for this assignment.” Robin had said before sitting at her desk with a book in hand. 

Suddenly everyone was talking but you and one other person. 

“My assignment is on the Five years war. I chose it because of a coin flip, I found the sources in the library database.” Already you were irritated. Another interaction with the man who had no manners. 

“Hello. That is how you start a conversation, who raised you? Anyways, my assignment is on the First Crusade. I chose it because it was the first war I thought of-” “Really? The first? Liar.” He interrupted you, of course a man like him would. 

You squinted at him, before responding with “Not lying, I was watching a documentary on the pope a day before class, which made me think of all the holy wars. It's not polite to interrupt people.” 

“Okay. I think we have discussed enough.” “Fine.” You scoffed at him mentally, before turning back to face the front of the room. 

“Okay now, I want someone to tell me about their partner's work! This is worth participation, as a friendly reminder.” She smiled eerily 

You did not raise your hand, in fact you looked away. If you were called on you would end up having to lie, since stupid Trafalgar didn’t tell you anything about his assignment. 

“Okay, randomly generated, we will have Mr. Trafalgar, Mr. Reyes, and Ms. Churchill. In that order please.” “My partner researched the First Crusade, she told me that she learned about the context of the war. Specifically Pope Urban the second’s motivations for launching the crusade, who was mainly following the lead of the Byzantine emperor. She also learned about the cost of the war, not only economically but also what it did for the Pope’s approval rating.” Incredible. He pulled all that from his ass? Wasn’t he a double major? How long ago did he even learn that? How was he able to say it so confidently? He is actually smart?! Hold on, he could’ve seen the same documentary you did and just so happened to remember important stuff. But even then, he didn’t even hesitate, he was so confident, even with a professor like Nico Robin. 

“Very good, point earned. Mr. Reyes?”

As he relaxed into his chair, you couldn’t help but stare. His hair was sticking out, a bit unruly from his beanie. It was white with weird black spots on it, maybe a statement about faux animal fur? Could he be vegetarian or something? Maybe he likes to hunt? His sideburns went right into his weird facial hair, “should be shaved” was scribbled into your journal, along with “spots?” and of course “T is smart?”. You saw his black hair under his beanie and thought of your father, who would never slouch like the man in front of you was. 

“Okay good to hear. This wraps up our class for today, I’ll see you all on monday.” 

You started gathering your things, excited to go back to Perona. She promised she would have your favorite food ready for you as soon as your class ended. It was a little weird, but you two always were close. 

“Are you always the last to leave?” The sudden voice pulled you from your thoughts, and made you drop your pencil case. No pencils escaped but the case clunked right under whoever had just shocked you. Law, with no expression on his face, immediately thought of his giant  adoptive father; who was extremely clumsy.  

“No. Are you stalking me? I feel like the campus police or a trusted adult should know about this.” You looked up at him, not reaching for your case at all. 

“I’m not, somehow, we have the exact same class schedule. With the exception of my online class.” “That's crazy buddy… Will you grab my case?”

“You can’t get it yourself?” He scoffed and folded his arms. 

“I think the reason why I dropped it should be the one to get it for me, no?” You thought he looked childish, folding his arms like he just got told to go to his room. 

“Fine.” He reached down, grabbing the case and placing it on your desk, “even though you were closer to the floor… I'm sorry.” He looked away as he said it. Once again you thought he was childish. 

You found yourself staring again. This time you noticed his hands, the word ‘death’ tattooed on his fingers, and the heart on the back of his hand. Shocked to say the least.

“Holy shit.” Huh? You said that outloud? Maybe you weren’t nice. 

You looked up to see Law’s face, somewhere between shock and disgust.

“Oh uh.. I meant, holy shit your tattoos are cool. They look like they hurt.” Maybe you saved it, you really did mean it in admiration. 

“It was painful, but worth it. Bearable at times.” He looked at his hand and held it up between the two of you. Shocked that he held it up for display, you raised your eyebrows. Staring at the tattoo, you were about to reach out and hold his hand closer so you could get a better look at the line work. Then your thoughts were interrupted.

“I know we aren’t on the best terms, but you heard the professor. I think it would be a good idea to bite the bullet and partner up.” He said it so matter-of-factly you almost agreed without realizing you were lost. 

“Huh? Partner?” you blinked up at him. “Of course you weren’t paying attention. The collaborative presentation that you and another student must present on the 18th?” He sounded annoyed, but his face wasn’t telling. 

“Yes! Sorry I got lost in my thoughts, we might as well partner up. I don’t have anyone else in mind, so I can stick with you.” You finished packing, finally, and stood up. Swinging your bag onto your back, you held out your hand towards him. 

“Okay… What is that for?” He nodded down to your hand. 

“Give me your phone. I’ll put my email in. We can make a google slide and share it that way.” 

He paused, with a semi frown on his face then gave up. He put his phone in your hand, and watched intently as you typed in something. Then you returned his phone, much to his delight. 

“Bye then. Just do 5 slides on the First Crusade or whatever other war the pope has started.” He put both of his hands in his pocket as he casually strolled out, leaving you to the room. 

“Hey! We should at least pretend you won't be a dick this whole time! Don’t boss me around!” You realized that you had said that just a bit too loud for the circumstances. Maybe you weren’t nice. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y: Okay! I just left class, do you have my salmon nigiri?  Y: You won't believe how good I was today. P: WHST  P: who are you?  P: The y/n i know would never ever say that.  P: Yes i do have it ready :) Y: I had to partner up with Him :/  Y: The strength  Y: Also he has finger tattoos?  Y: What the fuck.  P: You didn’t see them before?  Y: Sir traffy has been through it P: I wonder if hes like some ex-gang member? P: That is such a gang member thing to get tattooed P: Why aren’t you responding?  P: Helllllooooooo  P: y/n P: y/n P: ….

“Rona! You are literally crazy. I was walking over here, that's why I wasn’t responding.” You closed the door behind you, making sure to lock it. 

“Anyways! I’ve never seen you have such a strong reaction! To a guy no less, did he like to recite everything in the declaration of independence?” Perona called out to you while you entered and took off your shoes.

You walked over to the kitchen, where she wasdoing some dishes. Tossing your bag on the couch, then taking a seat at the bar that was connected to the kitchen. “If he did that I would’ve proposed on the spot… He just is kinda smart? It’s freaky! One second he’s brushing me off and not wanting to talk to me at all, the next he's explaining the cause of the First Crusade? Well… Kinda.” Perona turned with two plates in hand, and took a seat next to you. She placed the plate of sushi in front of you, “Well honestly i'm not surprised… Bepo says he is always studying.” 

“You talk about him with Bepo? Perona…” you made a disappointed face at her as you pulled your plate closer to you. “Noooo it’s all kosher! Bepo just offers up info about everyone he knows. I think he just doesn’t have a filter or whatever.”

“Yeah…” you took a piece of nigiri and dipped it, then ate it. As you chewed and swallowed you thought of your dad, “Do you think your dad would come visit us here?” 

“Hmmm only if your dad forced him to. I can picture it now ‘don’t you miss our girls?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Then lets go! You pay and ill bring the beer!’ ‘beer isn’t allowed on a plane shanks’ or something like that…” Perona tried her best but didn’t really get the overall attitude of your dads. You decided not to comment and just take another bite. 

“Do I get to know why you asked?” Perona said, food in her mouth.

“Traffy, as you call him, has hair as dark as Mihawk’s. It made me think of him today…”

“Sigmund Frued would have a lot to say to you right now.” “No he wouldn't, he’s dead.” 

“Not for long…” “What the fuck?” You both burst out in laughter at the same time, something you had only ever done with your sister. 

After dinner it was off to bed, except you weren’t actually sleeping. Your laptop was open on your lap, on the google slides page. The document was created, named, and shared to Traffy. It wasn’t the most well-mannered thing, but you decided that nicknames meant you’re friends. Your sister desperately wanted you to have friends, and this would make her think you had them. You didn’t like the deception, if you could call it that, but it's not like you were gonna go out and get real friends. 

You started typing away, filling out 3 slides with information and pictures before deciding to get actual sleep. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🍕to find this later

Aita: i called the pizza my husband was eating nasty

For some context, this will seem random but it may factor into emotions right now

My husbands best friend just moved in with us 3 days ago

My mother in laws dog was diagnosed with cancer today, and will be put down tomorrow. Everyone is very heartbroken

We were in the car after getting some groceries and my husband mentioned he was thinking of picking up pizza since he knows no one has eaten much today and definitely wont feel like cooking

I dont like pizza much, i especially dont like little caesers, im very very open about this and always have been. If im ever given a choice i never choose little caesers, but if i am hungry enough ill eat a slice or two.

We all have really dark senses of humor and often poke fun of each other and of each other's interests and laugh it off no big deal. We do this daily

So I'm sitting in the bedroom playing games, my husband and his best friend are hanging out in the living room. My husband comes over to the bedroom and says hey Im going to pick up pizza Ill be right back

Time passes and the pizza comes and everyone goes and sits at the dining room table to eat. Theres three boxes, two different types of pizza, my husbands favorite, stuffed crust, and my usual favorite thin crust. Everyones talking and I don't remember exactly what was said but my husband mentions something about thin crust my favorite or something like that. I say something like "actually with little ceasers i prefer the normal pizza the thin crust doesnt have much sauce and i like the sauce". I finish eating and get on to my handheld console and keep playing my game, half paying attention to the conversation. At some point, I honestly don't remember at all what I said or what was being said, but I remember vaguely my husband saying the box they got is "normal pizza" and i said no its not his is stuffed crust which is nasty. I was being playful, i dont like pizza to begin with, i like the crust even less, and stuffed crust just really really isnt my thing.

A few minutes later i notice my phone has a notification, i look to see a text from my husband saying I was being rude because his friend paid for the food.

I was at first extremely confused, was me playing games at the table rude? They were using their phones while eating and talking so i didnt think so. Was it because i said i didnt like the thin crust? At this point i genuinely dont remember saying the stuffed crust is nasty and dont understand what i did wrong. I text him back asking what he was talking about and he says that i called the food nasty. I thought about it and vaguely recall saying it Playfully but again i was paying attention to my game and not so much to what was being said so i dont even remember for sure.

I got really upset and kind of mad, I had just been joking and i never say ugly things to people ever so it hurt that he assumed i ment the worst.

Even then there had been absolutely no way for me to know his friend bought it. He told me he was thinking of buying pizza then he said he was going to pick it up. Plus it happened to be my and his favorite pizzas so it seemed like he picked them. I had been in a different room there was no way i could of known what they planned or who paid or anything.

Plus whenever he buys or cooks food i always tell him his is gross or nasty or w/e Playfully. And he calls my food gross too. We joke like this all the time.

And even still, weve been together for three years and weve known each other longer than that. He knows i dont like pizza. He knows i dont like crusts. Its not a strange thing for me to be vocal about it. In faxt itd be strange if i didnt because like ive mentioned we Always poke fun of each other's foods and of each other.

And maybe this is just a me thing but. I dont feel like its rude to call something like little caesers nasty, especially around people who know i dont like it? Itd be one thing if it was a strangers cooking id say something polite like "i dont think its for me" or just say it was good if i wont see them again. Or if i was at someone's house and they bought pizza for everyone. But for all intents and purposes it seemed like my husband bought it and, i cant stress enough how normal it is for us to pick fun at each others foods. He makes fun of my subway order all the time. I always call little caesers gross.

I dont know if feelings are just tense because the beloved family pet passed

Or if he's feeling extra defensive of his friend since he just barely moved in

Or if im in the wrong entirely for being upset and it actually is highly rude of me. Though. I genuinely dont understand since we make fun of each others food all the time. So if i am the asshole can people please try to explain why because i genuinely dont understand what made this different to him saying the black olives on my subway are gross. Or me normally saying little caesers is gross. Like i really dont get whats different so id really appreciate an explanation

What are these acronyms?

[dottielovegood]

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Since yesterday was Summer Solstice and Midsummer is tomorrow, I thought that it would be fitting to write a little fic about human Elain during her first summer solstice/midsummer without Feyre. 

It is said that if you pick seven different flowers and put them under your pillow on midsummer, you will dream of the man you are going to marry. Who is the man visiting Elain’s dreams? 

Set during ACOTAR

Pairing: Elriel Words: 2581 Content warnings: none

Elain was standing in her garden, eyes closed and face turned toward the sky. Summer had finally reached their little village and she had almost forgotten how good the sun felt on her skin. Just like she had forgotten what it felt like not to worry about money and food. 

It had been months since she had seen her younger sister, Feyre. She had left so suddenly to go and take care of their old aunt Ripleigh who had fallen ill. In all honesty, Elain could barely even remember an aunt Ripleigh, and she could barely remember the night when Feyre left. Thinking back on it only made her head hurt and the memory was blurry - as if there was something wrong with it. It was like remembering a dream just after waking up and then forgetting it the very next second. It was there, yet it wasn’t. Elain couldn’t explain it, nor could she talk about it with Nesta. She would surely think her mad if she uttered a word about it, so she kept her mouth shut. It’s not like they didn’t have enough on their plate. 

A few weeks after Feyre’s departure, another peculiar thing happened. Somehow, their father, who had been nothing but a broken shell of the man he once was, had been able to get enough money to pay their debts, and then some. Elain didn’t think about this too much, either, because every time she did, she realized how incredulous it was. Things didn’t add up, and she was wary of things being too good, too fast. Shortly thereafter, they moved into a chateau of white marble with emerald roofs. She wrote to Feyre about their new house, about the servants they now employed, about the garden she wanted to grow, yet she received no reply. Her father’s spirit had lifted and Elain did everything in her power to seem happy even though there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that something was wrong. She didn’t want to be a bother, so she put on a brave face. Sometimes, she envied Nesta. Nesta, who had turned inwards even more since Feyre left them. Nesta, who ground her teeth every time Elain talked about balls and suitors. Maybe she found Elain trite for caring about such things, but she didn’t understand that Elain had to care. She had to keep up appearances. Yes, they had gotten their old lives back in a way, but Elain knew how fragile it all was. She still remembered how it all had been taken away once, which meant that it could happen again. Elain vowed to herself that she would never let that happen. So she put on a smile and did whatever she could in order to secure a good future for herself and her family. She went to the balls, she accepted suitors into their home during the socialite season, she listened to the gossips that gathered in the town square every day just to find out who the most eligible bachelor was. And then she made up a plan on how to get him to ask for her hand. 

She pretended as if it didn’t bother her that the people who had turned their backs on their family for years now welcomed her with open arms. She pretended to actually care about the mindless conversations she was forced to endure while drinking tea with the other ladies in town. She needed everyone to like her. Her mother had once said that she would marry for beauty and love, but Elain wasn’t sure that was true anymore. Now, she thought that she might marry for security. If something were to happen to their father, she needed to be able to take care of her sisters. She was not going to let Feyre do it all by herself again. When Feyre returned, she was going to make sure that she knew that Elain wasn’t taking her for granted anymore. And with Nesta refusing to meet any suitors, Elain knew that she was their only hope. As a woman, there was only one way to secure a good future - by finding a good husband, and Elain was going to do just that. Just a few days ago, she had received a letter from the son of Lord Nolan, asking her to join him for tea in a week's time. Elain had almost started jumping with glee when she read the note. This was what she had been striving for. Graysen Nolan was one of the wealthiest bachelors in the village and he would surely make a good match. If she could charm him, she would never have to worry about going hungry again, nor would her sisters. They would be taken care of. So she accepted his offer and prayed to the gods that he would find her charming. From the way he had looked at her during the latest ball she attended, she knew that he already found her attractive. Knew that there was something that drew him to her. Now she just needed him to see beyond her exterior. Beauty was a short-lived currency, this she knew, so she needed to show him that she would be a good wife, mother and homemaker if he was going to choose her. 

It might not sound like much work, but Elain was exhausted. Always keeping up appearances and pretending as if the last few years never happened was tiresome, and she needed a rest. From her garden, she could hear music and laughter from where the townsfolk had gathered in the square. It was midsummer eve, the longest day of the year, and they were all celebrating the arrival of summer. Elain could almost imagine them all dancing around the maypole, singing silly songs and drinking a bit too much wine. The children would make flower crowns and eat too many sweets, just like every other year. It was a lovely tradition, but she couldn’t muster up the energy to attend. She had already gotten what she needed - the invite from Graysen Nolan. She could afford to not be social, if only for a day. 

Elain dug her toes into the soft grass underneath her bare feet and took a deep breath. She had given the servants the day off so they could all attend the midsummer celebrations, and so that she could enjoy some peace and quiet. Their father was away on business which meant that she and Nesta had the house to themselves - a rare occurrence these days. Although, she might have been here all on her own since Nesta was nowhere to be seen. She often kept to her room when she was home. Elain wondered why Nesta seemed even angrier now than when they were living in the cottage. They had gotten it all back - a beautiful house, more money than they needed and a good reputation. Elain couldn’t understand why Nesta seemed to hate everything they had been given. Sure, Elain didn’t understand their sudden fortune, but she was thankful nonetheless. She knew that she should talk to her sister, but every time she brought it up, Nesta just sighed and muttered something about Elain not being able to understand. Elan wanted to understand, and she hoped that Nesta would come around eventually. 

Elain let out a breath and opened her eyes, squinting from the bright sunshine. In her hand, she held a small bouquet of six flowers. She bent down to pick one last flower, a bluebell. Midsummer was said to be a magical day. There were all kinds of mystical stories and fairytales surrounding midsummer, and even though Elain hadn’t believed in those stories since she was a child, there was still one tradition that she enjoyed. It was probably silly, but it was said that if you picked seven different kinds of flowers and put them under your pillow, you would dream of the man you would someday marry. When they lived in the cottage, Elain had kept up this tradition even though Nesta laughed at her and told her that no one would want them now. They were destitute, fated to become spinsters, if they didn’t die first. Elain couldn’t let Nesta’s words into her heart. Hope was all she had back then, so she picked the flowers and prayed that she would see the man of her dreams. But every year, she awoke from a dreamless sleep. She was certain that this year wouldn’t be any different, but she was not going to lose hope. Hope is, after all, the last thing that abandons you. If you lose hope, you have nothing left to fight for. For years, she had lived on hope alone. And if this year had shown her anything, it was that dreams could come true. She thought that if she just hoped a little bit more, then maybe she would have everything she could ever dream of. 

So Elain held the flowers tight in her hand and returned to her bedroom. Maybe, just maybe, fate would be on her side this year. 

Later that night, she fell asleep with hope in her heart and seven flowers hidden under her pillow. 

Jasmine flowers grew out of dark shadows. They shone like small beacons of light in the darkness. Like stars in the night sky. Elain could hear her own heartbeat, or maybe it wasn’t hers? Something told her that she should be afraid, yet she found comfort in the darkness. Found comfort in the shadows that wound themselves around her body like ivy. She stretched out her hand to touch one of the white flowers. The soft petals tickled her fingertips before her hand was enveloped in darkness. A moment later, the world was bathed in a dim blue light. It seemed to be pulsing, following the same rhythm as her heartbeat. In the distance, she could see the shape of a man among the shadows. She couldn’t make out much in the darkness, but she knew that the light was coming from him. She didn’t know how she knew it, but she knew she should go to him. Knew that all the answers to her questions could be found there, with him. Whoever he was, wherever he had come from. He was the answer. 

She stepped closer, careful not to scare him away. Her nightgown clung to her legs and she could almost feel his eyes on her - assessing her. Silently asking her questions she didn’t know the answers to. She tried to speak, yet no words would leave her mouth. As she got closer, she could make out his dark messy hair. Could see that he was wearing black leather, an obsidian blade strapped to his thigh. He looked strong, stronger than any man she had ever seen before. Lethal, even. Dangerous. But she was not afraid. She lifted her gaze to his face and found two hazel eyes staring back at her through the darkness. 

“Who are you?” Elain managed to ask, her voice steadier than she felt. 

There was no answer. His eyes swept down over her body and Elain felt herself shiver. She could almost feel those eyes as if they were hands running down her body. She wanted his hands running down her body. Wanted so many things she shouldn’t want. She didn’t understand. Why was she here? 

She was close to him now - not close enough to touch, but close enough to finally make out all his features. Elain searched her brain for words to describe him, yet the only word that seemed fitting was ‘beautiful’. She had never seen such a beautiful man. His skin was dark, though it seemed to glow in a magical sort of way. His eyes were warm, and maybe she only imagined it, but she thought that she could see small flecks of gold there. He seemed like something out of this world. Surely, something so beautiful couldn’t be human. 

“Hello, little fawn,” he drawled, his voice smooth like velvet and shadows. He was darkness incarnate, yet the bright blue light emanating from him never seemed to dim. The shadows surrounding him seemed to be a part of him - an extension of his very being. As if he was wearing his soul outside his body. 

She didn’t understand the nickname and she was just about to ask him why he called her such a thing when she saw them. The wings. What she had thought was a cluster of shadows above him was actually two taloned wings. They had no feathers, no. The smooth surface reminded Elain of the bats that lived in her garden - creatures of the night, just like him. She stopped breathing for just a moment - from fear or shock or something else entirely, she didn’t know. She only knew that she had been right - this man was not human. She wasn’t even sure he was a man. He was something otherworldly, something dangerous, something to be afraid of. She knew that she should be afraid - yet, there was no fear to be found. She searched within herself but found nothing but curiosity and awe. He had come for her, though she didn’t understand why. 

“Who are you?” she asked again, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“You’ll find out when you need to know.”

Elain felt her heart race, her breathing quicken. She knew that she didn’t have much time, though she couldn’t remember why. Why was time running out? Why was he here? Where was here? Was she supposed to know? 

There were so many questions on the tip of her tongue, though the only words her mouth would form were, “You came for me.” 

The creature's face relaxed and he looked at her with such warmth that Elain had to suck in a breath. He looked at her as if she was something precious, something to take care of and treasure. No one had ever looked at her like that before. A small smile formed on his lips, and Elain thought that she had never seen something so beautiful in her entire life. “I will always come for you,” he said, and Elain knew that he was telling the truth. She didn’t know him, didn’t even know what he was, but she somehow knew that he could be trusted. She wanted to go to him, but her feet seemed rooted to the ground. She looked down just to see that her feet were covered in ivy, and when she looked up again, he seemed far away once more. She opened her mouth to call for him but yet again, no words came. She could feel herself panic. She didn’t want him to leave. She needed to know who he was. She needed to know his name. Needed the answer to her question, though she had forgotten what she needed to ask. 

She blinked, just once, and the world became blurry, something bright breaking through the darkness. Elain reached out a hand, hoping that he would grab it and hold onto her but she was met with nothing but smoke and shadows. She blinked again, and he was gone, replaced by something too bright, too…wrong. 

“Please,” she whispered as the last of his shadow disappeared only to be replaced by a blinding light. A heady scent of night-chilled mist and cedar lingered as she slowly returned to reality. 

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

Today, on 13th January, 2017

Lord Snowdon, former husband to Princess Margaret and photographer,died at the age of 86

Brian May remembers

Sad to hear of the passing of Lord Snowdon. I can’t say I was his friend, though perhaps I would like to have been. We did spend a couple of days together as Queen (the rock group) and portrait photographer, and it was very memorable. I knew of Lord Snowdon from when I was quite small. As Anthony Armstrong Jones he had married the very glamorous Princess Margaret, in Westminster Abbey, in top level splendour, televised in colour (!) and celebrated throughout the land. Somehow it caught my imagination, gave me a thrill, to the point where I pasted a picture of the handsome couple in my personal photo album. It was a fairy-tale. Shy handsome commoner weds beautiful royal princess. Much later I realised that Tony Armstrong Jones, now Lord Snowdon, was a dedicated artist, a gentleman photographer in true Victorian style, and that his world had stayed quite separate from the Royal Family he had married into. I believe he had a Victorian sensibility in more than one way. A Gentleman, certainly, and a man of independent means, he did not need to take photographs to earn a living. It was his art. And in the details of his practice, too, he adhered to early traditions of photography. He believed that the essence of a sitter for a portrait was to be revealed only in natural light.

Well, this is what he told us, when the four of us found ourselves at his house, our mission being to find the elusive ‘Group Shot’ - a four-fold portrait of a Rock Band, for the cover of an album. Now this was around 1981, about 35 years ago. So the portrait of this session in my mind is a little faded. But Snowdon was a delightful, thoughtful, modest and gentle man, given to pausing to ponder, in his walking around the room, with a slight limp, a relic from a childhood illness, as he looked at us, planning his shoot.

I’m sure Roger has better recollections than I, but I seem to remember us sitting around a little awkwardly, sipping coffee, discussing what we were trying to achieve. I don’t believe we had any preconceptions at all … the four of us hadn’t had the chance to confer beforehand, and I think on this occasion we didn’t have a plan. We assumed that this accomplished photographer would bring a fresh approach. We’d done a lot of this kind of session, of course, over the years, notably with George Hurrell, iconic Hollywood portraitist, and Mick Rock, who had pulled off a very memorable diamond format four-shot on a black background, which not only graced the cover of our early album Queen II, but, brought to life, became the shot that everyone remembers from the Bohemian Rhapsody video some years later.

Snowdon told us that he didn’t want an overriding theme - he didn’t think we need to ‘try so hard’. He said he wanted us naturally filling the space, and he was absolutely insistent that the lighting would be natural too … only the daylight which pervaded his studio, again, Victorian style - more or less a glass-house. He would not use any artificial light. Now I may be wrong about this, but I seem to remember we talked so much and drank so much coffee, that time passed and the light started to fade. Anthony took some test shots on his large-format camera (no 35mm for him) and wasn’t happy. So he said something like … "I know what to do now, but we missed our slot. I’m not going to use studio lights - I want the quality of daylight in this shot. Can you come back tomorrow?” Strangely enough we could. And then it was all very quick. He took a few solo shots of us singly (I wonder where they are ?) And then went for the cover shot of the four of us. I think he only took a couple of dozen shots, very much like we’d seen Hurrell do. He knew exactly what he wanted, and he knew when it was in the bag - even though he couldn't verify that on the spot. The developing of the negative had to be done, and prints made, before anyone could see the result.

So we said our goodbyes and left - and … that was it. The picture we wanted arrived a couple of days later, and it was perfect for what we needed - nicely balanced in composition, with all of us looking quite decent; understated, a little formal, yet not stiff, and beautifully lit by Nature herself, with a little help from Lord Snowdon.

The album ? It was to become the biggest selling British album in History - Queen’s Greatest Hits.

We decided to mount the picture in an unusual way. Inspired by the first Superman Film, we skewed the photograph as if it were mounted flat on a piece of glass spinning through space. So our faces are distorted by perspective. Years later, for the re-issue for Universal Records, we decided to ‘undo’ that distortion, and on this cover you see Snowdon’s picture exactly as it was taken. Pure ! I like that version best. As Snowdon himself might have said … it wasn’t trying too hard.

You won’t find this stuff on Wikipedia, of course. In the anarchy of the Internet based information, anybody can contribute stuff as long as they are citing someone who said it previously ! So the entry as I just looked at it is a ripe mixture of fact and inaccuracies - they don’t even mention who took the cover photograph. Who will write history ? Well, certainly not me … with my memory weaving its own spells at this distance. But History was certainly made in those fleeting moments when we were privileged to enjoy the company of that fine gentleman, Snowdon

RIP

Bri - january 13, 2017

(source: brianmay.com)

[sturnstvs]

space camp - chris sturniolo

summary: in which scarlet is a model for the space camp photo shot and chris catches her attention

warnings: use of y/n, a brief mention of ADHD, i dont know if chris really does have it but in some stories he will as this is complete fiction

modeling was always something y/n wanted to do, it was a passion she had since she was a child. she worked hard for it, having the perfect body the perfect skin, with this it gained her a lot of popularity in high school, but the one thing that popularity taught her was boys are jackasses.

when she graduated high school the first thing she did was go to LA, she had always wanted to go and she saved enough money from her job in her hometown that she was able to. with the one trip to LA to try and find modeling jobs, she managed to get herself a manager and ended up spending the whole summer in LA.

after that summer her manager told her it would be best for her to permanently move to LA, which is what she did. she was able to get a apartment and move to LA full time.

madi filipowicz had heard of y/n. she was all over magazine covers as well as social media, so when she heard that her best friend was launching a brand and needed modals for a photo shoot she knew exactly who he should call.

when y/n got the call from her manager that the nick sturniolo wanted her to be a model for his upcoming brand she was ecstatic. i mean come on its nick sturniolo. her manager told her that it was in a couple of days and she would find out about everything when she got there.

so fast forward to friday which was the day of the photo shoot and she couldn't be more thrilled.

"hi, im nick sturniolo you must be y/n right?" nick greeted her when she walked through the door to the warehouse

"yes, it's nice to meet you, im a big fan" y/n told the boy

"oh, thank you! i didn't think that someone like you would know me" he told her surprised

"no! you're so great" y/n said to the the brunette as they walked through to the back

"okay well, this is where they will get you ready and everything and ill meet you out there" he told the girl with a smile

"alright, thanks again for this opportunity" y/n told the boy excitedly

once y/n was ready she went out and did the shoot, which went better than she was expecting.

while she was in the middle of the shoot one of his brother which she assumed was chirs kept staring at her. now don't get her wrong she thinks he is really attractive and all just that she had a rule. you don't date any people working around the set. maybe if she met chris outside of the set or maybe if she didn't work on the set at all she would pursue talking to him romantically, but it would get too complicated and her manager forbid it.

"alright that's a wrap for today, y/n can i talk to you for a sec" one guys behind the scene asked

"yeah sure" she got up and made her way over to talk to him

"nick personally asked, if you could of course, come in tomorrow to do a one on one set with him, we already talked to your manager and she said it was good"

"of course, same time" y/n noted

"yep, and thank you again"

the next day came quicker then she expected, leading her to the moment she is now, right outside the door of the ware house once again, unbeknownst to her christopher sturniolo was on the other side waiting for her

y/n was not the only one to notice his stares, but his brother as well as his manager had also noticed them. they told chris he cant become involved with one of the models as it would ruin the set and if it didn't work out they would lose one of their best models again.

chris of course being the person he is argued against this, but then again they hadn't really met which didn't really help his case, he needed to see if their connection was good enough in order to have a good argument which led chris to now.

nick was in a meeting at the moment about his brand so this was the perfect opportunity now that she was here. so he opened the ware house door and bombarded her with questions right away.

"hey im chris, you must be y/n! nice to meet you" chris told the girl enthusiastically

"hi yeah, im y/n, but i really got to go i have a photo shoot" scarlet told the boy softly

she didn't appreciate the stairs from yesterdays shoot and she didn't want to pursue him at all, unfortunately for her it seemed like he had the opposite idea.

"nick is in a meeting right now, but we can get to know each other maybe" chris told the girl

"i guess" she agreed, she didn't want to be rude it was her bosses brother after all.

the two got to know each other and it turns out they had a lot more in common then she originally would have thought. it turns out that he had ADHD which explained his hyper activity earlier on in the morning, he also found out that she has been modeling for a few years. the two really hit it off and nick noticed this when he came out of his meeting to find scarlet and chris laughing on the couch.

nick didn't like where this was going and something like this has happened before with one of the models but maybe she was different so he let it slide and him and y/n did their photo shoot, which turned out better then expected.

something y/n did know that day is she was definitely going to hang out with christopher sturniolo again.

[thedancingcostumeyoungadult]

A Season for Lovers (part 3) - S.R

Doctor Spencer Reid returns after two years away, joining the social season with eyes only for one young lady.

Part 1 here, part 2 here, part 4 here

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Warnings: eventual smut but not in this part, mutual pining, brothers best friend trope

Word count:~ 2250

After dinner is finished and Spencer leaves, you wait until the house has long been silent before creeping out of bed and slipping outside, your shawl wrapped tightly around you as you steal across the lawn and into the trees. 

“Spencer?” You call softly into the darkness, your eyes searching the tree’s shadows for his silhouette.

“I’m here, my angel.” His warm voice sends a thrill of joy through you as he comes into view, your feet already carrying you forward and into his waiting arms. He immediately draws you close to his chest, his hand tilting your face up to his so that he could kiss you.

“I missed you.” You murmur against his lips, and even though it had only been a few hours, it was true. All you’d been able to think of was him and how badly you wanted to be back in his embrace. Luckily, he seems to understand as you feel him smile.

“I missed you too.” You pull back a little to look at him, even though in the darkness you can’t see much. But you swear you know his face by heart and what you can see by the light of the moon is just enough to satisfy you. 

“We’re getting married.” You whisper as if it’s some secret, albeit a joyful one. He laughs, giving you a squeeze.

“Yes we are, and the second we have a date I will be counting the days.” 

“Well with the way my mother and aunt have been talking I think they’ll have the whole thing planned by supper tomorrow.” His hand finds yours in the dark and he laces your fingers together, bringing them up to rest the back of your hand against his chest. 

“Does that mean I get to marry you the day after that?” You hear his smile more than you see it, letting out a quiet snort as you shake your head.

“If only.” He goes quiet for a moment, his thumb brushing across your knuckles.

“I want to tell you something.” He speaks so quietly that if you were only a step or two farther away you would have missed it, and his words settle heavy in your stomach. You don’t think it could be anything bad, and you know about his work and his mother’s illness, but the anxiety sets in anyway.

“Tell me.” You plead softly after he pauses to wait for your reaction. He takes a deep, slightly shaky breath, and then speaks. 

“My father barely managed to do his duty to us, but I want to do more than my duty for you. I want to hear your laugh and see your smile every day and if there’s days when you must cry, I want to be there with you, to hold you close and bring you any comfort I can. I want to share your life, my angel, every joy and sorrow.” You can’t reply for a moment, not trusting your voice to work properly around the lump in your throat, any traces of anxiety immediately vanishing. When you can speak again, you do so softly, not even wanting the trees to hear. 

“I want to give you everything, Spencer, I want to give you every joy in the world. I want to wake up to you, and raise your children—“ He cuts you off with a kiss, his hands desperate as they grip your waist to pull you ever closer to him. After a moment of surprise, you kiss him back eagerly, your fingers tangling in his hair and brushing along his jaw. You pull back when you feel wetness on his face.

“Spencer,” you exclaim softly, gently sweeping away the tears you find on his cheeks, “my love, what’s wrong?” He shakes his head, a grin breaking out across his face as his hands come up to cradle your face.

“Nothing, angel, nothings wrong.” He rests his forehead against yours, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “I just–” He breaks off with a breathless chuckle, kissing your cheek quickly. “I just needed to make sure that I’m not dreaming right now.” Your quiet laughter joins his, your foreheads resting together as he wraps his arms around your shoulders, your own snaking around his waist.

“No, you are very much awake, my love.” He tucks your head under his chin, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Good.” You hold each other in silence for a while and as you do you listen to the steady thud of his heartbeat against your ear, the breeze rustling the leaves, and the faint thrum of the nighttime creatures. This, you think, is what Heaven must feel like.

“Did you mean it?” He asks, his hand running in steady strokes up and down your back.

“About children?” You don’t lift your head from his chest as you reply, your fingers drawing absentminded patterns on his shirt. He hums in affirmation and you can’t help but smile to yourself as you nod.

“I do. I do want to raise children with you, Spencer.” His hand trembles slightly as it comes to rest on the back of your head, cradling you impossibly closer as he tucks his face against your hair. 

“I can’t wait.” 

-

“We have known Spencer all his life, he and his mother are very dear to us and it would give us no greater joy than to help with the wedding preparations.” Your chest is tight with emotion as Lydia Beaumont speaks. She’s an older woman with distinguished silver hair and a kindly demeanor that shines through even more when she fixes you with a warm smile. 

“If you’ll have my help, of course.” You know practically nothing about wedding planning, so you jump at the opportunity to have the help of not only your mother and aunt, but her as well.

“I would be delighted to have your help, thank you Mrs. Beaumont. I remember your daughter’s wedding seasons ago being absolutely stunning.” Your mother commandeers the conversation, eager to get things sorted out and in order, and you do your best to follow along but you quickly find your eyes glazing over as she rattles off things that need doing. Catching your eye, Mrs Beaumont speaks up.

“I believe our young bride might be getting a touch overwhelmed. How about I come back tomorrow and we can draw up a plan then?” She stands and quirks an eyebrow at you.

“My dear, would you be so kind as to walk me out?” You’re standing in an instant, allowing her to loop her arm through yours and together you make your way out of the room. In the hallway, you walk in soft silence for a few moments before Mrs Beaumont speaks. 

“I must say, we’ve been waiting for this for a long time, my dear.” You cock your head to the side, casting her a slightly confused glance.

“Waiting for what, Mrs Beaumont?” 

“Waiting for Spencer to pluck up the courage.” She continues without pause, seemingly oblivious to the way your heart felt like it would leap straight out of your chest. “I remember when he came to stay that summer some years ago, I was the one that introduced him to your brother, you know. Anyhow, we had him to supper at our house and your name came up. Bless him, that poor boy turned so pink he looked like he’d been sunburnt.” You can’t help but giggle at the image as you were nearly overwhelmed by giddiness. All this time you truly hadn’t been imagining it, the gazes that last a moment too long, the passing grazes that left a thrill in your stomach. 

“I didn’t know.” You can’t keep the smile from your face as you reach the front door, opened before you by Michael. Mrs Beaumont pauses in the doorway, turning to you with a smile and a warm sparkle in her eye. Gently, she brings one of her hands up to touch your cheek.

“I am glad he found you, sweet girl.” 

-

“James? Come inside please, it's going to rain.” Spencer can’t help but smile at you from his seat in the drawing room as you call out to your cousin through the double glass doors, left slightly ajar. The breeze wafting through does smell like rain, though the young boy outside doesn’t seem to realize or care as he frolics around the small garden.

“No it’s not!” He answers cheekily, dashing away when you go to chase him, the grin adorning your face making Spencer’s own widen further. A sudden roll of thunder sends the boy scurrying inside, straight into your arms where you scoop him up, letting him bury his face in your neck as the first large drops of rain begin to fall outside. 

It was an image he would not be quick to forget even if he could, you cooing softly to the child on your hip, and it fills his chest with a heavy, desperate want, pushing the air from his lungs as he imagines it being his child in your arms. He swallows thickly as you set the boy back on his feet, whispering something to him before he scampers away deeper into the house. He pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind, hiding them away as if you could see them as you reclaim your seat across from him, pulling your embroidery frame back into position. 

“He’s a character.” Spencer speaks quietly, gazing softly at you over the edge of his sketchbook, a small sketch of your likeness just finished and hidden under his hand. You glance up at him with another one of your smiles that feels like it sets the world back on a steady axis.

“He’s a little devil, you mean.” Your eyes only linger for a bare moment on his but it’s long enough for his heart to stutter and sink when you look away. His eyes stay on you, the blush pink of your gown a bright spot in the dim gray light as the rain picks up outside, the little furrow between your brows as you inspect your work so endearing to him. Thomas’ book snapping shut makes him jump. He’d truly forgotten that his friend was there, which he feels slightly embarrassed about as the other man stands.

“Well it seems we won’t be going out this afternoon after all, so who’s up for some cards?” Spencer looks to you as you set the frame aside with a cheeky grin.

“Only if you’re both prepared to lose.” And lose they did, Thomas because you’re better than him, and Spencer because he let himself. He would rather tarnish his reputation as a card player than pass up seeing your giddy excitement as you win round after round, much to Thomas’ frustration.

“Again? She’s cheating, I know she is.” Spencer merely shakes his head and pushes the last of his pile of candied fruits over to you, grinning to himself as you happily pop one in your mouth and shoot your brother a gloating smile as you add the rest to your already sizable collection.

“No, brother, I am simply that good.”

-

Another summer rain has trapped you inside, though this time Spencer finds himself rejoicing because the squall has trapped him at your house, and it gives you the opportunity to simply be together for a while. You find yourselves in the library, with the adjoining door into your father’s office opened, of course. Shoulder-to-shoulder on the small couch, he’s coaxed your hand into his, cradling it between his palms as he watches your eyes crinkle in laughter at the story he’s telling you.

“And he pulled you in?” The humorous sparkle in your eyes as you look up at him leaves him slightly breathless, rushing to answer your question.

“Dragged right in after him.” You erupt in sweet giggles and his heart leaps joyously in his chest at the sound. He'd spent two years clinging to the memory of you, your laugh, and now he gets to bask unashamedly in the warmth you give off. He only wishes it had happened sooner, a sentiment you seem to share as your giggles cease.

"I feel as though we've lost so much time." You murmur, a soft, plaintive look on your face. Spencer can't help but smile down at you as he replies.

"We'll make up for it." A light dusting of pink appears across your cheeks as he brings your hand to his lips, placing a tender kiss on the knuckle of your ring finger, just below the ring itself. “We’ll have all the time in the world, my love.” He lowers your intertwined hands, and, unable to refrain any longer, driven forward by the ache in his chest that begs him to be closer to you, leans forward and presses a slow, tender kiss to your lips. You melt into it, the soft warmth of your lips driving any and every other thought from his mind. For a moment, there was nothing in the world but you and him and the soft rumble of the rain on the windows. Then, out of sight in his study, your father coughs, some papers rustle, and you two break apart, reluctantly returning to an acceptable distance as your eyes flutter back open. 

“What was that for?” You whisper, a smile playing at the corners of your mouth. He simply shrugged lightly.

“I just wanted to kiss you.”

~~please like and reblog and tell me what you think!

~taglist~

@reidsbookclub @f-me-reid @spencer-reid-wonderland @dungeons-are-too-cold

A season for lovers taglist

@livelaughlia @r5court @lifeisacrisis

Message me or send an ask to be added to the taglist!

[voidwhump]

“But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

Safety Net | Swooning | “How many fingers am I holding up?”

It begins. I can safely say be ready for a part two to this tomorrow because I already wrote it so it's definitely there!

Ingredients: Unspecified illness, vertigo, nausea mentioned, not expecting help, mostly comfy

They navigate mostly by muscle memory toward their room, drifting into the wall for support without really noticing. The texture of the paint absorbs their focus briefly, cool, slightly rough, before they’re pulled away from the wall to face someone. Do they know him? They squint, but even only a foot or so away from them their vision is blurred. He’s saying something, he’s already quite a ways into saying something in fact. They’ll catch up later, if it’s important he’ll follow up and they’ll deal with it then. They nod at the end of whatever question they were just asked, and their stomach drops as the world tilts abruptly to one side. He’s moved in to catch them, and they push him back, try to form some sort of reassurance. The words don’t come. Their vision goes staticy. 

The next thing they hear is a not so quiet conversation being had between the person who stopped them and someone who must be at the end of the hallway. The footsteps of the new person approach rapidly, the floor vibrating a little as they get close. The floor is nice. Lying down might be the only thing they’ll ever do again. 

“Have they been out long?” That’s the new one, her voice has body, like the has a cello in her throat. 

“Not really, not even thirty seconds I think.” 

They should do something, they don’t like that these two are worried about them. Fortunately, opening their eyes seems possible now. They blink, the ceiling coming into focus. That’s better, maybe all they needed was a reset. That thought is quickly proven wrong, though, as they roll their head to look at the two crouching next to them and their vision streaks and breaks as they move. They blink a few times, but the doubled edges of the two worriers don’t resolve. The floor seems to be back at its tilting again as well, despite them being plastered to it. They feel like they’re being pulled down, as if the wood wants to absorb them. 

“Hey, are you listening?”

Oh, did they miss something again? They mumble a yes that barely leaves their mouth, and close their eyes to focus on the words.

“I said, do you think you’ll pass out again if you stand up?”

They shrug. “I’ll deal.. With it. I think.” They can hear themself slurring the words and slow down in the middle, sacrificing a normal talking speed for clarity. They roll to get up, swallowing as the lurch the motion causes intensifies the vertigo into nausea. As they sway on their knees, the first person puts an arm around them. They flinch away at first, not expecting the gesture, and he pulls back as they do, but they start to slump back to the floor almost immediately and he moves back in. He’s warm. Just the heat from his arm is enough for their shoulders to relax. They’re standing, albeit with most of their weight on him and now the second person. They’re not sure when she joined him. Or that sure why. They’re up on their feet now. Walking might be challenging, but they’ll have to get back to their room somehow. They are moving though. Mostly being carried, but now that they’ve caught up to the situation they put in some effort, taking some of their weight back. They’re trying to only lean on the two when they lose their balance, but they’re off balance more often than they aren’t. They could use the wall for this, it would be slow but they’d get there. Maybe they come across as too disoriented to find their room, so the two would be walking them there anyway. That would make sense.

They’re still thinking about it when they reach their door. How do the worriers know?  Do they know the woman? Or were they guiding the two?

“Key?”

Right, that. They fumble with their pocket and retrieve it. The keyhole proves evasive, the overlapping edges of everything they see combined with the constant dizziness making the small target impossible to hit. Eventually, one of the worriers places their hand over theirs and guides them, and finally they’re at home. This is the end of the line as well then. No reason to think they can’t figure out their own apartment. The man shifts their weight onto the woman and they prepare to be placed in their entryway. They can use the table by the door as support, but the more they think about it, the more it seems like they’ll end up crawling to bed. Maybe they’ll just sleep on the floor.

The world tilts again, but there’s something supporting their head and back. They’re in bed. Did they do that? They jump when the woman places a hand on their knee. She’s still here. She’s probably saying something too, but the bed is soft and they’re done thinking for the day. They’re asleep before she starts taking their shoes off.

[woneuntonzz]

torn and folded .ᐟ (1/2)

📞 ; “respectfully, you're disgusting.”

𖹭 : bully!seunghan x bl reader, amab!reader

💭 you loved your free time in manga reading websites, not him though, he thinks you need your senses sorted out for you, and so he would...

⤷ contains: mlm pairing (this is pure fiction and is in no way

made to assume the idol's sexuality!!), angst, bullying,

homophobia towards mc (i myself have struggled with), fluff,

humor (kys/kms jokes), mention of other idol names for world

building

⤷ wc: 11.2k!! (not proofread :p)

-ˋˏ under the cut .ᐟ ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Attraction has always been a tough concept that fiddled with your mind, and for years you found it hard to figure out where you lie in this aspect. For a while you thought you were just like every other guy, too afraid to fall for a girl. 

You would meet your best friend’s sister quite often whenever you visited their home. You’ve always thought she was so pretty, with such an innocent face and a sweet and wee voice. She was almost this perfect character, fair and bright, nearly unreal. She had such nice hair that fell like waterfalls, long and wispy lashes, plush, pink lips and eyes that took the shape of an almond. No wonder why she was the talk of the neighborhood —and she was just as beautiful on the inside as you saw her in her countenance. 

“You can have my umbrella, don’t worry about it —go home! and if your dad yells at you again, tell me. I’ll give you something special tomorrow.” —the sweetest girl, isn’t she? 

“Thank you, Chaeyoung.” 

She lent you her Hello Kitty umbrella, the cat imprinted all over the canopy, and her little bow on the handle. That day you were spared from your ill-tempered father, and Chaeyoung would never see that umbrella again.

The next day, you came back to their house, ecstatic to finally watch another episode of Slam Dunk on their tv.

“Hi Y/n!” —oh right, you were there to see Chaeyoung too. “Can you come to the kitchen real quick?” 

From a distance you could smell sugar cookies, freshly baked, hot out of the oven. The scent only led you to briskly nodding to her question, following closely behind her as you scuttled to the kitchen together.

“These are for you.” you were sure the cookies were just as sweet as her smile as she extended the plate of sugars towards you. 

“Oh, thank you.” for a while, you hesitated on fully carrying the weight of the plate, but looking at her beaming face assured you, and soon you were stuffing your face with the cookies. 

“Let’s play a little game!” you were a bit startled at her exclamation, mouth still bearing chunks of sugar.

You had to take a painful swallow to ask, “Right now?”

“Mhmm~”

“Should we go outside—”

“No, no!” her giggles made you shiver, it was so innocent, yet so… eery. “Just here.”

“What game are we playing?” you asked again through your soft chews. 

“Let’s guess each other’s crushes.”

Your pupils would move to the side as you got to thinking, a crush, do I have one of those? —the thought of it had never even crossed your mind. Maybe because it was unclear to you what a crush is meant for, or what it takes for you to crush on someone. Chaeyoung? —everyone else seemed to have a crush on her, but you're no train-hopper. 

“Guess mine first.” she urges, and you scurry around in your head for answers, Jaeyun? Wooyoung?

“Is it… Wooyoung?” —and to that she emits a sound of a buzzer, like the ones you’d hear in a game show after an incorrect answer.

“No!” 

“Oh, Jisung?”

You laughed at the exaggerated pout that played on her lips, and she’d only frown at you. For a minute you were worried that she was getting annoyed —good for you for being worried, because you’d find out she’s been restless all morning, itching to tell you, “I have a crush on you, dummy.”

Suddenly you were inhaling thick air, your breathing pattern shifted tremendously as your eyes looked for something to rest on. In that thirty seconds of silence, you wished it was that easy to just sink into the ground beneath where you stood. Her? crushing on you? seemed like a dream, and it truly is for the boys that admired her, unfortunately for her, you aren’t a part of that population. 

“Me?” you pointed at yourself as you questioned what you had just heard. “Are you sure? Are you joking?”

She was quiet for about seven seconds —and you were able to count for the sole reason of being anxious. The sole of her right foot was pressed firmly against the ground, and within those seven seconds she moved it around, drawing small ovals on the ground. “I’m sure.”

You wished you were as sure as she was, whilst she eyed the lines on your shirt, you were thinking about your feelings, what you felt about her. While you’ve always been in awe of how graceful she was at any given scenario, it’s all been just a thought and nothing more, nothing special, nothing for you to act on. 

“How about you?”

You swore you the ticking of their wall clock got louder, and louder, and louder. But eventually, you’d tell her the truth. 

She told you it was okay, but you saw the shift in her eyes, the pair that was once innocent and inviting now terrified you like the wretched pit in your darkest nightmares. How was that even possible? —you’d ask yourself, trying to open your mind to the possibilities. What are the chances that you’d become the person she hates the most?

“One hundred percent.” —now in highschool, you’d bury yourself in that horrid pit everyday, you had no choice, no means of escaping. 

“You’re sure that’s the answer?” you hiss at the pain inflicted by her hands that dug into your hair, pulling each strand, her vigor intensifying by the second. “If this turns out to be wrong…” fate is truly, “I will out you to your dad myself.” cruel. 

That day you told her that you did not reciprocate her admiration is the day you’d see her for who she truly was. Wolf in sheep’s clothing, a phrase you’d often hear even as a child. You just never thought you’d encounter it ever, especially in her. 

You stood up from your desk, huddling your textbooks and notebooks as you took wary steps —would usually be to the library, but Chaeyoung had already caught up to that old routine of yours, so you resorted to an empty, but rancid room at the back of the building. It was dark, even darker than that pit. 

Though that room was not entirely pleasant —it smelled of mold and chemicals you could only make out as cleaning materials— you learned to deal with it for your own sake. You’ve been threatened over and over by a certain group of people in your class that they’d out you, and you had every right to be scared, especially when they almost succeeded in the dawning of your anguish.

In that room, you hummed to yourself, did the work you had to in peace, and most importantly, you read —the pieces that you related to the most.

You remember being caught swiping through it on your phone, within seconds it was snatched away from you. They —two of them— took a quick look at it, smirking and soon guffawing at what they saw. “Who knew you’d be into disgusting shit like this.”

“I mean, it only makes sense. He’s a—” it was the first time you were called the slur. 

If you were being honest, as hurtful as they were meaning to be, you were not much fazed by it, still, you were surprised to hear such a word, even from them. 

“Yeah, you’re right. People like him are really like that huh?” like what? —you could only dare them with the little voice in your head for if you had spoken out it might be your last day in that classroom. 

“Stop looking at us like that.” —and they repeated it again, that word.

From then on, you’d avoid being seen reading, or having your phone out at all. There were times where you had the freedom, so you’d make the most of it while they weren’t there, in the classroom. But this deserted room, despite its grimy interior, would serve as a safe space for you. 

“This is not too bad.” you mumbled to yourself, eyes lingering on your faint reflection on the dust-layered window panes. 

It truly was not too bad to have your peace in such a place, this school, the shithole you were forced into. 

The truth is, you haven’t outed yourself to anyone, no one in school, not even Chaeyoung, not even her brother —and your childhood best friend— Seunghan. After that one fateful afternoon at their house, Chaeyoung felt devastated, how could you not like her back? she could only think of one reason, you must be gay, crazy enough to not return her likeness for you. She didn’t even get to confronting you about it, she just told everyone she knew, everyone close to you —with the exception of your family— that you’re insane, or in her words, “He’s gay, he told me himself! it’s better to stay away just to be safe!”

You’d end up being the one to stay away, just to be safe. Though you could say not everyone was mean to you, they were not nice enough to acknowledge you or what the others have been doing to you either. 

It was an unfortunate turn, and it would ultimately lead to the fallout of your friendship with your one and only sport —you used to call him all sorts of names, and he’d call you, well, what you could only describe as the cutest alias you’ve ever heard. You had something quite special, and didn’t take a while for you to see it differently —to see him differently. Maybe you were being a little too irrational, or maybe it's because of the way his face is always close enough to press onto yours, or the way he smiled at you, the way he used to take care of you without you asking, and the nickname. 

“Hey bunny!” —is what you’d always hear every morning then, when he called you out to play, or take bike rides around the neighborhood. 

“Hi Seung-gunk!” and he’d playfully headlock you, ruffling your hair. 

The farthest you’ve gone with your matching bicycles was the park —you even had your own tree, a hiding spot if you will. It’s where you two would babble on about everything, even the most nonsensical things. 

“Don’t you ever get bored of this park?” you asked him, and you would move a little, feeling some of his sweat touching your skin because of the proximity.

You two were sitting under your tree, leaning against its trunk. Your sides were slightly squeezed against each other as you went on with your venture-talks. 

“Not really.” he looked at you, reaching on top of your head for a stray leaf that fell on it, “Not when I’m with you.”

You believed him, only at that moment, because soon his actions would contradict his words. 

It all started in middle school, the summer before it started, you have already discussed about how excited you were about entering this new phase in your life, talking about how you two would go to lunch together, find ways to skip class and sneak out —it was a joke of course— and making new friends, and the rumors.

seungsseung 💥💥

i can’t believe we’re finally middle schoolers

can u believe it?

y/n 🥕

i’m kinda scared

what if they hurt me more

seungsseung 💥💥

tsk

those stupid rumors

you know what

i’m actually gonna tell my sister to stop it

y/n 🥕

you think it’ll work?

seungsseung 💥💥

don’t worry bunny

i know it didn’t work before

i’ll make it work

It didn’t work, obviously. You were bewildered with how he avoided you, like you were carrying some deadly parasitic disease, the root of an upcoming apocalypse. At first he wouldn’t even look in your direction, even when he really needed to, even when you were already sobbing from your classmates pushing you around, with the lead of his own sister. As time progresses, he’d watch your agony, but you could never really tell what lies in those watchful eyes. He’s changed, and he would change even more.

You were in a rush to get back to the classroom after checking the time, but you wouldn’t be inside without bumping into him.

“Watch where you’re going.” like a reflex, you’d use the papers you held to shield yourself, by the way he looked at you, you thought he was about to jump you. He scoffs at this, finding some sort of amusement out of it, “Fucking pathetic.” he says, kicking the papers out of your hands. 

You tried your damndest to fight back the tears in class, not wanting to draw any more attention than you already have outside of class hours. It was only when you were able to lock yourself within the confines of your dim lit room that you were able to release all the tears. It hurt even more that you were not allowed to make a single sound at that time of the night. 

Wasn’t he being a bit too much? —you were crying out loud in your frail mind, perplexed by this situation. You were too afraid to even message him anymore, to ask him why, and what caused the sudden shift. Then, he protected you like he owed you the world, the next day you were suddenly prey for him to feed on. And he’d only get worse in highschool, bonding with the same people who caused your torment, and still, with his stupid, pretty sister.

“Look who’s back!” you tried your best to maintain your composure as you entered the classroom, you had just gotten out of your secret hideout. “We missed you, Y/n.”

“Class isn’t the same without a freak like you.”

You’d flinch, feeling someone rush past behind you. Feeling the back pocket of your pants become lighter, you panicked, and soon your phone was being held close to your face.

“Open it.” Seunghan —he taunted, looking at you the same way he always did. “Deaf? I said open it, fucking idiot.”

Your hands were shaky, taking your phone from him. It took you three attempts before you could successfully unlock it, and when you did, he clutched on it, forcefully taking it out of your hands. You already felt the after effects of his insults that hadn’t even come out of his mouth, but you knew it would very soon. You had left what you were reading open, it was not like you knew he’d be up to snatching your phone away from you to poke fun at you, but then again you weren’t surprised. 

“You make me gag. Do you guys see this shit?” he was already scrolling through the whole thing, and his friends would peek from behind him making you gulp and freeze on your spot. 

You came home with wet hair, a wet uniform, and it was all to mock the fact that you were up to reading something that erotic. When they got your phone, you happened to have left it on a chapter that had a rated eighteen scene. They took turns at throwing water at you, repeatedly uttering how wet you were getting. It was disgusting, but so were you in their eyes, in his eyes. 

bunz 

hey

can i ask u a question?

it’ll be vv quick i promise

saxyguy1002

oh hi

how’s school?

bunz

awful

anyways

what do u think abt homo ppl?

saxyguy1002

i mean

as long as it’s not me it’s cool ig

they aint causing a world war so

yea

they haven't killed my family

so idc really

bunz

that’s interesting

saxyguy1002

r u gay bunz?

bunz

…

what if i am?

saxyguy1002

i told u idc

unless ur planning to kill my family

bunz

no ur tweaking

i’m just not into girls

but into guys

that’s all

saxyguy1002

like i said

i

don’t

care

bunz

well fuck u

saxyguy1002

kidding

don’t go offline yet :((

i have no one to talk to

my friends are idiots

all of them.

Then why’d you leave me? —you shook your head at your computer screen, at the conversation you were having with this ‘stranger’ you met in a game. You knew it was him, but he was oblivious towards the fact that it was you who he’s been talking to every night after school, and you prayed he hadn’t suspected you either. 

bunz

that’s tough lol

sucks for u

saxyguy1002

says the one who has no friends

how’s being lonely? :p

There was this urge to tell him, I miss you, but you were too afraid. He was already treating you like a stray in school, what more if he finds out who you were behind this persona you’ve built for him. 

bunz

i have one more question

saxyguy1002

hit me

bunz

do u know bl?

saxyguy1002

**bbl

and yes i do ofc

bunz

ew perv

not that

boy’s love 

saxyguy1002

yea

apparently it’s a genre now

there’s this guy in our school that reads them

You couldn’t quite understand if you wanted to cry or laugh.

bunz

really?

what do u think abt him then?

saxyguy1002

that bl shit gives me the creeps

all that dirty shit?

two disco sticks?

bunz

um???

not the disco sticks 😭😭

saxyguy1002

do u read?

bunz

what if i do…

saxyguy1002

i’ll make an exception

just don't mention it ever again 😁

bunz

kys :3 (jk, but i still hate u)

saxyguy1002

i will :p (jk 2, but i don’t hate u so deal with it)

You shook your head again, water brimming on both eyes. You ran your fingers through your hair, knowing you could never go any further from this. You could just stop talking to him, block him even, but your heart wouldn’t allow you to. Everytime you tried, you were brought back to that little spot at the park, under the biggest tree, the tips of your noses almost touching. 

Thinking about it makes you think about what he thought about everything, about you, then and now. You thought maybe at some point in time he saw you the same way, maybe he did, and he got scared so he started bullying you too. You’d sigh heavily, slapping a mental note onto yourself —you have got to stop letting the manga get into your head Y/n.

In a blink, you were back in your hideout. Your leg got restless, shaking continuously as you read. Earlier you thought you had seen someone following you from the corner of your eye. No one came in after you after waiting for twenty minutes, so you sat down where you’d usually be. Your eyes momentarily watched for the door, afraid that they might burst in and beat you up, or lock you in. 

Suddenly what you were reading got more interesting. You were fully immersed with the scene that played before you, acting out the expressions drawn on the characters. And his eyes dripped with honey as he got closer, allowing his desire to win him over, and soon their lips met and clashed with so much—

You jumped at the sound of the door being slammed wide open. You’d curl into yourself, dropping your phone. It was like the walls were closing in on you, already feeling the humiliation, the suffering. 

“Oh, sorry, are you okay? I was just here for…” it was an unfamiliar voice, “...I actually don’t know why I’m here either. I guess I needed some space away from those people.”

You’d warily lift your head up, being met with a cautious stare. 

“Wait, are you Y/n? from the neighboring class right?” your nod was only subtle, but he’d beam at you so brightly. “I’m Matthew, can I come in?”

You nod again, freeing yourself from your own restraint. You’d sit yourself properly, watching him scan around the room for a place to sit. You moved over a bit, and that was enough to tell him to sit next to you. It was an awkward few first seconds till he bent down to reach for your phone. You grew nervous when his eyes stayed a little too long on your phone screen as he handed it to you. 

“You’re in that chapter already? you must be an avid reader.” your eyes dilated at his words, and he’d chuckle at your reaction. 

“You read?” you were evidently hesitant, your volume would only be that of a mouse. 

He’d hum a response, nodding at the same time. “Sometimes for the story, sometimes for the art. The author of that manga is great as fuck, and the artstyle too!” he was able to crack a smile out of you, it’s been a great while. “But, I am curious, why are you here?”

You shrugged at first, not really knowing what to say. Besides, no one has ever bothered to ask you about anything if it’s not to mess with you. “My classmates hate me.”

“Hmm, I heard.” of course he had, everyone has. “Is it really because you’re gay?”

Your eyes would shift to the side before you nod your head. 

“That’s crazy. I’m bi, I mean, I haven’t come out yet, but —I think it’s ridiculous. It’s the 21st century, are we seriously still about that.” he’d sigh like he’d had the biggest dilemma of his life. 

And it made you laugh, it was very little, but it was enough.

“Hey, we should hang out some other time, how’s that sound?”

You were still cautious about the whole thing, afraid that it might be a trap of some sort. All it took was another smile from him, and you’d finally say, “That sounds cool.”

You two walked out of that room together, and he kept chattering on about things you couldn’t quite remember at the end of the day, and in the same hallway, you stumbled upon your nightmare. He was boring holes into your soul, making you stop in your tracks. 

“Y/n?” Matthew called for you when he noticed that you were no longer beside him. He noticed the way your eyes dropped dead, staring ahead, he turned his head to where you looked, but when he did, Seunghan was already walking away.

Matthew took a few steps back, meeting you again. “Does he bother you or something?”

“No.” technically, you were telling the truth. You were still so tolerant with him, because you still liked him. “You should get away from me.”

He was clearly taken aback by your request, and he could sense you meant well. “Is it that bad?” he’d ask you, concern painted well on his face.

You shrugged once again, still not figuring out how to properly convey what you wanted to say, “They might get you too, because of me.”

“Don’t think so. You think they’ll touch anyone from the pilot class? —no offense, I think you’re great, but your class is a cluster of utter garbage.” he was right, and you’d subconsciously nod at him. “So I’ll stick around, see ya!”

You didn’t even notice that you were already near your classroom. You stood still, watching him as he walked back to his own classroom, just next to yours. You weren’t quite ecstatic about going back to that room, so a hand to your shoulder granted you the favor, stopping you from taking another step. 

“Who’s your new owner?” you gulped at the all too familiar voice that crept behind you. 

“Owner?”

“Huh, so you answer now?” you didn’t bother turning your head, instead, Seunghan would move himself in front of you, “Matthew —you know what you looked like? you looked like his pet.” he laughs at you, but you’d keep your eyes on the floor. “Do better Y/n, geez, at least fix yourself first before trying to hang out with actual people.”

Because you’re not an actual person, he saw you as an animal, a joke. “At least he wasn’t a liar.” you might’ve been speaking too soon.

Too soon. “What the fuck did you just say?”

You’d shake your head at him, just like all the nights you’ve spent chatting, and you’d walk past him.

He just stood there, unsure of what to do with himself anymore. 

“Bro, Seunghan, what the hell was that?” he couldn’t avert his eyes from his shoelaces, tracing the pattern it made with his gaze.

“I could’ve beaten him to a pulp if I were you —you know what, we’ll do it for you since you’re being such a puss.” the others’ words went into one ear and out the other. 

He can’t help but think if it was all worth it. If avoiding the consequences, the pain, did it actually do him better?

“Seunghan, what are you thinking about?” his sister sat on his desk, tapping on it with her fingers. 

He could only give her a blank stare, that would soon trail off into the distance. Chaeyoung just eyed him, and smugness was written all over her face. 

“Y/n?” she scoffed. “You’re thinking about him?”

Seunghan only glanced at her for a brief moment, and she’d slam her palm against his desk. 

“It’s not like that—”

“I’m not that dumb, Seunghan.” she truly wasn’t when she was able to ruin two lives, and probably more outside his scope. 

“I promise it’s not what you think.” he kept his voice monotone, and his sister would roll her eyes at him.

“Just keep up the act, and maybe, I’d consider not telling our parents just how disgusting you are.”

Disgusting —was a word you’d often hear from him, how ironic. It was those times when he’d ridicule your love for reading bl mangas, just snatching your phone whenever he felt like it. 

“I can’t believe you actually enjoy this, disgusting.” 

Yet, that still wasn’t enough for you to see him as your enemy. 

saxyguy1002

hey bunz

bunz

what

saxyguy1002

how r u?

being lonely and miserable and all

bunz

lol

ykw i have a friend now

and he reads bl too

go fuck yourself

saxyguy1002

woah woah

i was joking 😢

but 

respectfully, you’re disgusting

for that

bunz

kys :>

saxyguy1002

no

not until we meet

bunz

you want to…?

saxyguy1002

i mean

ig?

i just wondered if u were just as much of a twink irl like you are in chat

bunz

fuck you, actually

saxyguy1002

u cant fuck me

i’m not gay

bunz

blocked

saxyguy1002

NO PLSSSSSSSSSS

😭😭😭😭😭

begging on my KNEES rn

don’t 

if this makes u feel better

i meant to say cute

not twink :p

Again, you were double guessing whether this was true, this whole conversation, the situation, if this was even Seunghan you’re talking to.

bunz

i need to sleep

night

saxyguy1002

and i’ll be outside ur window

better close it now 👹

bunz

nahh bfr my bedroom is at the second storey 😬

saxyguy1002

now who said i cant float

you’ll float too 🤡

bunz

bye pennywise

kys :3 (not fr tho)

saxyguy1002

i will :p (i won’t dw)

You leaned back against your desk chair, a tired exhale escaping your mouth as you turned off your computer. To say that you didn’t look forward to getting home just to talk to him would be a complete lie. You were even a lot more enthusiastic, though it doesn’t show through your messages that much, you just wished it could be like this in real life too. 

If he was genuine about wanting to see you, and if he finally did, what would be his reaction then? Would he keep himself away from you? hurt you even more? —your thoughts kept running, until they got too tired and the running turned into crawling, creeping, and soon you were fast asleep. 

“Y/n, off to where?” you were startled, hearing your name for the first time that day, and from a new voice that you had been waiting for the whole day.

“Matthew. Just going to the library, I have to pick something up.”

“Just a quick trip? we still have…” he pauses for a while to look at his wrist watch, “About thirty minutes till class. Do you have something to do?”

You consciously tapped on your sides, thinking about how you were only getting what you needed early so you wouldn’t have to run into trouble later in the day, “No, not really, not yet.” 

“Oh, so then would you wanna stay in the library a little longer? we could read there for a while.” 

It really was that hard to decline, so in a span of minutes, you were both seated in the library, not on books, but on your phones.

“You think you could pause reading that for a while?” he whispered so closely to your ear that you almost cringed.

“What? this?” he nods at you, and you’d ask again, “Why?”

“So we can read it together. You’re only three chapters ahead of me, maybe I can catch up by the end of the day —or now.”

His request had caused you to blink repeatedly for a few seconds before you got to respond, “The chapters themselves are pretty long…”

“Please?” 

You could only stare at him, trying to search for your next words within the lines of his face. “Okay, but you better start reading now.”

“Will do!” you’d give him a silent laugh, and in return he exudes a low chuckle, it was such a pleasant sound that you felt ashamed for wanting to ask him to do it again. 

Both of you have grown oblivious of the people entering and leaving the library, and the one that watched you from the distance, he had almost forgotten what he was there for. He was preoccupied with how you seemed to no longer care or be cautious of your surroundings. 

He saw it, the way you smiled. He’d been denying it for so long, but he missed it. He missed you. He missed when it was him you used to smile at like that. But there was not much he could do. If only you knew he was just afraid as you were of the world the two of you lived, so cruel, but he could only imagine just how cruel the world has been to you.

Somehow he thought he should be thankful that Matthew had followed you to that room, but it should’ve been him opening that door, he had to back out when he saw Matthew, because just like you, he had an ephemeral suspicion that he might be someone to look out for. All those thoughts flew out his mind like a fly when he saw you at that hallway with the other guy, it’s his first time in a while seeing you be yourself, at ease. It seemed so surreal, but he couldn’t get over seeing you like that with someone who wasn’t him. It used to be him, but then again, your severance was the bearing of his own mistakes. He didn’t mean to have such sharp eyes pinned at you when he saw you, it was a mask. He felt so close to losing. 

His friends weren’t any better than him. He knew he was just around to please them. He never really got off of bullying you, it was all orders. If he even dared to go against them, he might never see you again. He’s got himself wrapped around his sister’s pointy fingers. 

That summer before middle school, he confronted his sister about the things she’s been doing, the crude things she’s been saying. “You need to stop. Just because Y/n didn’t like you back?”

“Why do you care shithead?” he was caught off guard with the words that came out of her sister's mouth. 

“He’s my best friend, I care about him —and do you not understand that he just didn’t like you that way? and he doesn’t even hate you either, so I don’t get why you’re being like this.”

What he didn’t understand was that a hurt ego hits back harder than a heavy loaded truck, “Maybe because he liked you.” he found himself playing with his own hands, “Never thought about it huh? well I have. That’s gross, Seunghan.”

“So what?” her sick laughter came attacking him right as he spoke. 

“Don’t tell me you like him too.”

“So what?” he repeats as he stands assertive.

The irked girl tilted her head, raising a brow whilst her lips rose to a smirk, “I’ll tell, and you’ll see just how ridiculous you’re being.”

“Tell?”

“Our parents. You know I will. Fix yourself, or I’ll do it for you.”

Fix? —the thing is, if their parents ever knew, they’d do everything in their power to get him out of that town, away from you. He lived in a religious household, one that’s conservative, believes a man is only for a woman, and a woman is only for a man. 

He still kept messaging you, secretly. He knew that once middle school started, he’d never be able to be the same with you again. 

seungsseung 💥💥

hey

i’m gonna miss you

y/n 🥕

why?

we’re literally seeing each other tomorrow

seungsseung 💥💥

take care of urself all the time

can u do it?

y/n 🥕

seunghan?

ur scaring me

seungsseung 💥💥

sorry

It was the last conversation you had with him. You fell asleep, not foreseeing your unfortunate days ahead of you. 

It hurt to remember, but he would never forget. Then he was too terrified of the consequences, but now he was learning to be more capable, and maybe he could release himself from the chains that trapped him in this dark, secluded place. He wanted it to become a reality, him not having to torment you for the sake of getting closer to you, or hearing your voice.

onto the next? >> part 2

[shirohige-pirates]

Just Like Fire

CisFem Reader x Portgas D. Ace

CW: angst, language, erotic, violence, serial killer, stalking, poisoning, over-bearing controlling parents, attempted forced marriage, possible dub-con, Munchausen by proxy (aka Factitious Disorder), wildly cute and fluffy despite the warnings. 18+ only

Summary: You're Sabo's biological sister in this AU. After college you moved in with your dear brother and his two sworn brothers in order to avoid going back home. You and Sabo despise your family equally.

Chapter 10: New Medication

“My apologies, but what did you just say?” You ask, interrupting Ichiji.

The morning had been a flurry of getting breakfast cooked, and lunches packed as everyone scampered off to work, and then you had taken a nap. Sleeping in the tent had been comfortable enough, but none of you had slept very long before you had to get moving again.

Sabo had ensured that you didn’t need to go to work today, and promised he would be back as soon as he could manage. You had his number and the emergency number for Dr. Law in case anything went wrong while you were home alone.

Aside from the expected call from Ichiji, the only thing you needed to do today was take it easy.

The conversation with Ichiji had started out well enough. You apologized for having to be short with him yesterday, and after realizing that your mother had made him aware of your “illness” you had told him how you had been in the hospital that day. You avoided specifics, which was easy enough. Nobles had a tendency to talk in circles by default, so answering without truly answering was second nature.

Ichiji agreed to a second date, not this coming weekend, but the one after, and it was during that agreement that he said something that had caused your blood to run cold.

“Your mother informed me that a new medication had been developed.” He repeated, before continuing on. “One with less side effects than those you currently suffer.”

Your mouth was drying up, but you did your best to keep it hidden, infinitely grateful that you were having this conversation over the phone and not face to face.

“I’m surprised to find I’m aware of this before you are.” He admits, and you snap into focus.

“She likely just found out recently herself.” You say quickly. “She probably wanted to have them in her hands before she said anything to me.”

“How kind,” he says, and you can almost swear you can hear the doubt on his face. “You have quite the doting mother.”

“Indeed.” You answer flatly. You never exactly sang your mother’s praises, being that there was nothing worth praising her about, but you did try to avoid bad-mouthing her. Words traveled faster than light among nobles and antagonizing your mother would only result in your own misery. “I expect I’ll receive a package and a letter later today if not tomorrow.”

You try to say the words as though you’re happy about it, but after yesterday’s revelations all you can really muster is anger.

“My apologies.” He says suddenly, and before you can ask what he means he continues. “I didn’t mean to step ahead of you in this news. It must be a little alarming to hear it from me versus your mother.”

“It’s… I appreciate your intent, Prince Ichiji, but it is still good news, so thank you.” You say a little stiffly.

The conversation wraps up afterward and you’re sitting in the middle of the floor just staring at the middle distance for a long time. Anger will only wear you out, but you don’t know what else to feel at this point.

Relief, perhaps, that you know the truth behind the “medicine” already, and aren’t going to have your hopes raised by some medication that’s tainted in a different way.

You aren’t sure how long you sat in the middle of the living room floor staring at the back of your eyelids, but you heard the door unlock. Sabo was calling from the foyer before you could see him.

“You awake, lil’ spark?” He questions.

“Unfortunately.” You admit a little more morosely than you intended.

“Did mother call?” He prompts, stepping into the living room and crouching in front of you.

“Ichiji.” You grumble. “But he’s apparently talking to her.”

Sabo’s eyes go wide. “Oh?”

“Yes, and mother decided to tell him all about my illness, and to reassure him that a new and improved medication is on its way to me, and the side effects should be much less, and he shouldn’t be concerned about any issues.” You explain, snapping the words off at their bones in your anger.

You sit quietly for a few minutes with Sabo. Your hands clench and unclench, you’re struggling to keep your composure, and your brother is giving you time to either let it out or tuck it away.

“That… that bitch!” You finally let your anger out. “That manipulative, useless, two-faced, utter failure of a mother! How dare she!” You cry and Sabo sits with you. “How dare she peddle poison as hope! I can’t – I can’t stop thinking about how I would have been grateful! Honestly grateful!”

Sabo hugs you and you nearly wail into his shoulder. “I would’ve thanked her! If not for yesterday, I would have thanked her for poisoning me less!”

For a few minutes you let your rage and frustration out. Sabo holds onto you, hands twitching as you’re sure he’s become as angry as you have, but he sits with you quietly. You cry until you’re hoarse, and Sabo steps away long enough to bring you some water and tissues before he resumes sitting on the floor with you.

You drink some water, and clean up your face, taking a few deep breaths before you nearly whisper the next words. “What’re we going to do?”

“Stick with our current plan.” He says, grabbing your shoulders and giving you a reassuring look.

“Revolution seems a bit extreme.” You say, though you’re not arguing against it.

“If it were just for us, then yes.” Sabo says. “But there’s far more at stake than our freedom.”

“I know.” You say with a sigh.

For years, you and your brother had spoken of revolution. At first it had been a way to simply release the pressures you were under, but as time had gone by, your ideas had become more concrete. It wasn’t just ideas shared between you and Sabo either, you knew he spoke to Luffy and Ace about it, and you were 99% certain that the firm he worked for had its hands deep into the idea.

Honestly, they likely had long before even you and Sabo had begun talking on it yourselves.

At the very least, Sabo’s plans and ideas had become far more detailed and well grounded since he began working at the firm. He kept his conversations with you focused on gaining freedom for the two of you, vs trying to take on the weight of freeing the world. Part of that was for your own sanity, you were sure, but also it was likely for your safety.

Revolution was treason, and treason was not a charge anyone was safe from, not even those who counted themselves as Celestials.

Initially you had just planned on exposing all of the dark secrets you were aware of among the Nobles and Royals, using that knowledge to fan the fires of revolution and start breaking down the misconceptions around the nobility and the government.

Now, you might have a better spark. Rather, you may be a better spark. Sabo had called you his lil’ spark for years because your words had been the first to spark change in him – turning his frustrations into something he could act on.

Right now, you didn’t have the energy or capacity to worry about the possibilities of revolution. You were already dreading the risks of detoxing from years of poison, how it would or could impact your capacity to work, and the issue of Ichiji. Holding him off until you were ready to go public with everything could become a tight timetable.

If there was a way to make him walk away without saying any more than you needed to, that would be ideal.

“Ichiji.” You say after a few moments of silence.

“I don’t think you need to worry about him right now.”

You shake your head. “With everything that’s happened, I keep forgetting that I wanted to try and talk to Sanji about him.”

Sabo tilts his head. “Why Sanji?”

You make a circular motion around your eyebrow. “His eyebrow twirled the same way. Well, no, I think it was in a different direction, but it was so similar. I was hoping, that if there was something useful to know about Ichiji, Sanji might know.”

Sabo considers it for a moment. “I’ll talk to Luffy. I know he mentioned that Sanji left his family behind some years ago, but if we’re talking royalty, then Luffy might not even know the details.”

“The Vinsmoke family is from the North Blue too, I can see Sanji coming all the way to the New World for the same reasons we did.” You admit. “But I also don’t want to risk him just for information. Ah, can you help me stand, my legs have gone to sleep.”

Sabo helped you get to your feet, letting you hold onto him for a few minutes while all the pins and needles went down your legs. He teased you for it, as siblings do, and the topic of conversation turned to lighter things between the two of you.

When Luffy returned home you talked to him about Sanji. He only knew Sanji was originally living and working on a restaurant boat out in the East Blue before he had come to the New World with Luffy and a few others. Everyone’d had their own reasons for coming to the New World, but the journey had brought all of them together.

Sabo and Ace had left before Luffy, but everyone had reunited in the New World. In that way, everyone had gathered their own odd collection of friends – the three brothers acting as a kind of hub between the groups.

“As a matter of fact,” Ace says in the middle of dinner. “For a few months I thought Sabo was dead.”

“I had thought the same of Ace.” Sabo admits.

“What happened to cause that?” You question, absently smacking Luffy’s hand away from your plate.

“Big storm.” Ace and Sabo reply at the same time.

“A big wave knocked me off the boat.” Sabo admits. “Ace couldn’t jump in to try and help me, and by the time the storm settled he was adrift on what was basically a raft.”

Ace nods. “Man, I was so lucky Thatch and the fourth were out on leave. Double lucky they decided to take the Whaler out.”

“The Fourth? A Whaler?” You question.

“The station’s home to sixteen divisions. The city’s divided into eight districts.” He explains. “We use the main station the most, but there’s satellite stations that have crews too. When everyone was there for Ducky’s birthday, that was still barely a third of the crew, but you need enough people on standby, cause you never know when a fire will happen. Thatch heads up the fourth division.”

Ace takes a few bites and then continues. “Pops – ah, the fire Captain, he has a few boats. He was kind of a wanderer when he was younger, but he lets us use the boats when we need or want to. So sometimes people will take vacations just cruising on them, or sometimes it’ll be for travel to other islands. The Whaler has a white whale vibe going on. Its proper name is Moby Dick, but, well, you know how a bunch of rough neck guys can get. Everyone just calls it the Whaler.”

“I see, thank you.” You say, before turning to face Sabo. The look on your face causes him to flinch. “You know, brother dear, you never mentioned a storm.”

Luffy and Ace freeze, looking from you to Sabo for a moment.

“I – I – I couldn’t exactly send such news back h-home.” He stammers his answer out hastily. “And then, well, I mean, afterward it was all done and passed, right? So, n-no need to dwell on such matters, yes?”

“Is Sabo… nervous?” Luffy questions Ace quietly.

Ace nods, but you don’t let your focus shift. “You could’ve told me when we started talking about me moving in. I knew your journey couldn’t have been entirely safe, but lost at sea during a storm is a bit more than I had assumed. Brother. Dear.”

“I survived!” Sabo says, nearly squeaking the words. “The event was done, there wasn’t anything else for it.”

You sigh. “You’re right. I just… I don’t want you to shelter me from bad news. Sometimes it can feel like people keep me in the dark because of my… er… condition, I suppose.”

Sabo’s nervousness melts away and he smiles. “Lil’ spark, I will not coddle you, I promise. I certainly won’t keep things from you under some false belief that you’re weak or anything like that.”

“I appreciate that.” You smile, sliding your plate toward Luffy now that you had eaten as much as you could.

A knock at the door causes Ace to get up. “I got it.” He says, motioning for you and Sabo to stay seated.

You hear the door open and a few muffled exchanges of words before Ace calls your name down the hall.

“(Y/N), there’s something you need to sign?” He says in confusion.

There’s a second of confusion on your face before you sigh and you and Sabo go to the door. You sign for the package, and thank the courier, before glowering at the box. Giving it a small shake you can hear the pills rattle inside.

“The new medicine.” You grumble. “I imagine Chopper will want to have it.”

Your phone starts to ring, and you make an even more frustrated sound. Pulling it out of your pocket you look at it and turn it toward Sabo.

“Can I ask you to answer this?” You ask, showing him the screen with Mother showing on the front. “I don’t know that I could feign joy right now.”

“My pleasure.” Sabo says, grabbing the phone with a strange glint in his eye as he presses the accept button. “Ah, mother, how are you?”

“Yes, yes, she is fine. Resting now. Work has been taking a terrible toll on her, as you predicted.” He says exaggeratedly. He rolls his eyes as he listens to her say things you can’t make out on the other end. “Oh yes, we did receive a package, just a few moments ago… Oh it is new medication? How fortuitous! Of course, of course, once she is struggling against things less it will be easier for her to work.”

Sabo gives you a smile and you can hear panic in your mother’s tone, and your brother’s words clue you into what you expected. “Oh, you hoped it would aid in her dating Prince Ichiji? Of course, I am certain that it will also have a positive effect on that relationship. Mmm, mm-hm, yes. Yes, I did have the chance to meet him, quite the fellow. I am again amazed at your skill, mother dear, finding such an exemplary royal for our dear, sweet, (Y/N).”

Sabo’s expression goes flat and he’s making a gagging motion, sticking his finger in his mouth and sticking out his tongue. You put your hand over your mouth to stifle a laugh, and you can hear Ace snort as he and Luffy are trying to keep quiet.

“Yes, of course. I will most assuredly let her know you called, and I will be sure she takes this new, improved medication sent with all your love, mother dear.” Sabo promises, free hand flourishing in the air as he lets the lacey words spill out. “Indeed, indeed. All my love. Yes, okay, thank you – good bye.”

Sabo hangs up the phone and hands it back to you.

“Fuckin’ hells, I need a drink.” He says, walking off to the kitchen.

“Don’t forget to turn your contractions back on, brother dear.” You tease, following after him.

Luffy and Ace trail behind you and just as Sabo turns toward you all, the two of them start bowing toward one another.

“After you, Luffy dear.” Ace says in the snottiest accent he can muster.

“After you, brother dear.” Luffy says, eyes closed as he tips his favorite straw hat.

“Stuff it down both your throats.” Sabo says, his mock growl turning into a laugh despite his efforts as he pours himself a drink. “Ugh, I forgot how oily it feels to have to talk to her.”

“You can get away with only once or twice a year.” You say, pulling his drink toward yourself and leaving him to pour a second one. “I get to have that call almost every month.”

“Do you hafta talk like that every time?” Luffy asks as Sabo starts pouring a drink for everyone.

“Yup.” You answer before taking on an accent earlier to what Sabo had been using. “Contractions are the gateway to ineptitude; one must not fall victim to such reckless discourse.” You roll your eyes. “That was some of what was in those books we plastered against the wall at the station.”

You pause for a moment. “I almost feel bad about it.”

“About what? Soaking those awful tomes into oblivion?” Sabo questions.

“Lil’ bit.” You admit. “I mean, it’s not the book’s fault someone wasted ink on that awful dribble. If anything they’re good examples of what not to think.”

“Or do.” Sabo adds.

“Or say, really.” You agree.

[hseungi]

dreaming about the shy ice skater boy was probably normal for girls your age considering how handsome he is, but not for you. you rarely get dreams, so why was someone you barely know — park sunghoon — show up in your dreams? and the most shocking part? he was dreaming about you too.

PAIRING. sunghoon x f!reader

GENRE. soulmates au, school au, romance, fluff

TYPE. written mini-series

WARNING/S. cursing + more to be added each chapter

CHAPTER 02: unsaid feelings

one - masterlist - three

sunghoon woke up, much earlier than he previously does. he wanted to find you on the bus again. he doesn't mind if you sleep, your presence was enough to lift his mood. he was quite sad that his coach called him yesterday. so, he decided to talk to you today.

just like what he expected, he found you in his dreams. you were laughing about something he said, and he couldn't wait to hear it in real life.

he entered the bus and sat in the same place yesterday. the bus was quickly filled with passengers, and he waited for you. he saved a seat for you. sunghoon realized the bus was getting too full so he sat on your seat instead, and a stranger sat on his seat. he was sad, he really wanted to see and talk to you on the way to school.

+

he searched the campus for you, and thankfully, it didn't take long. he saw you getting stuff from your locker. "yn?" he showed a small wave.

"oh, sunghoon! is there something wrong?" you examine the pout on his face. this guy just gets cuter and more handsome every day.

"i thought i would see you on the bus today. i even saved a seat for you."

"oh, sorry. my mom wanted to drive me to school today. but, we can ride the bus together next time!"

"can we go tomorrow?"

"of course!" you saw him smile, and you did too.

"what's your next class?"

"i have physics, you?"

"i'll walk you to your class, would that be fine?"

"sure but you could be late…" this time, you were the one who pouted.

"well, our classes are quite near each other. don't worry, let's go!" he grabbed your hand and you followed him along.

+

while you were walking through the hallway, there were a lot of gasps and muttered words from students around you, and you were sure it was because of you and hoon.

sunghoon looked at your worried look. "hey, don't worry. im here, don't mind them." you can feel his thumb caressing your hand, and you gave him a small smile.

you both finally arrive at your classroom, bidding sunghoon goodbye.

sunghoon looked at you sitting on your seat and setting up your things. he ignored the weird looks of your classmates. looking around, he saw jake raising his eyebrow. oh no. he wasn't ready for the teasing he was about to get.

+

after 3 hours of classes, it was finally lunch break. sunghoon sat with jay, jungwon, and sunoo. the others had a different lunch schedule. this was the only time he was grateful that jake wasn't here.

"sunghoon, you look happy today. let me guess, good dreams?" he heard jay's question and chuckled.

"ooh, i bet he dreamt of his crush." sunoo joked, but he wasn't really that far off...

"wait… didn't you tell me you dreamt about someone, hoon?" wrong time, jungwon.

"sunghoon? i feel so betrayed! who is this lucky person you're dreaming of?!"

"well, you didn't ask, sun! and it's no one."

"let me guess, you found out who the girl is. didn't you hyung?"

"what- jungwon, no."

"come on, who's the girl, hoon?"

"OH MY GOD. ITS A GIRL-"

"okay SHUSH. i'll tell you but not now."

"FINE, BUT ILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT."

"kim sunoo, don't tell the whole school!!" sunghoon shouted, and sunoo started running. of course, sunghoon chased him.

"why am i the mature one…"

"it's okay won, at least you're cool."

+

you had a different lunch schedule which means you couldn't eat with sunoo. during days like these, you usually eat alone. "yn!" you turned around and you saw jake. all you know about him is that he's friends with sunghoon and sunoo, and he's one of the smartest students in your class. lucky him, and you don't know if it's because he's friends with sunghoon or the latter. maybe even both.

"jake? what are you doing here?" "you know me?" "of course, i know you! you're the smartest in the class. but, i could ask the same thing… you know me?" "well, i saw you and sunghoon today. i was suprised since sunghoon's class is far from yours." "oh, it is? he told me it was close to mine though?" jake smiled, looks like sunghoon is in love. "he probably did that to walk with you. also, would you like to sit together?" "yeah, sure." you showed a smile before following him.

you and jake were talking about your class when a tall guy intervened. "HYUNG!!" "niki, stop screaming! there are people here." "sorry…" the black-haired boy sat down and he noticed you. "uh, who are you?" "oh, right, sorry. i'm yn."

he looked at both you and jake and pointed a finger at the two of you. basically, he assumed you two were dating. "NO! you got the wrong idea." you nervously chuckled.

you saw jake whisper something to the boy's ear, and he looked shocked after hearing it. you were curious, but you didn't want to pry.

"niki, don't embarrass yourself. she's sunghoon's lover!" jake whispered in his ear, hoping that you or anyone else won't hear it.

+

lunch was quite awkward at first, but you've gotten used to it by now. they are fun to be around, chaotic, but fun. you were curious to why they kept asking about sunghoon, aren't they friends? but, you hope to find the reason someday, just not today.

thankfully, you had another free period so you went to the library. sunoo, jake, and niki were all busy with class, so you went alone. you rarely go to the library, you weren't a book worm. the only thing you like about the library was the AC, especially during summer.

you got a random book, and found a table near the windows. "you like windows, huh?" you glanced at the direction of the voice, it was him again. but, you weren't complaining.

"hoon?" you saw him took the seat in front of you. "did you get home safely yesterday?" "yeah, i did. what about you?" "i did too."

sunghoon wanted to say, "i did too. and i dreamt about you." but he didn't want to sound weird. he was still trying to get to know you, and he absolutely did not want his chances to vanish.

so, sunghoon did the only thing someone would do to get to know them better. he asked you questions about your likes and dislikes, he listened attentively and tried his best not to miss any detail. he even wrote some on his notes app so that he wouldn't forget. that's how badly he wants to get to know you. but, there was still one question left un-asked. and that was why do you keep showing up in his dreams?

+

you walked to your locker, class already ended, and all you needed to do was fix your things. your mom told you to go home as soon as school ended. after being back from a business trip, your mom wanted to spend time with you. you weren't exceptionally close with your mom, but just enough to comfortably exchange a few words.

you started walking to the gate of the campus, but you heard sunghoon call your name and run2u.

"yn! are you going home?" "yes, my mom told me to go home early. wait- don't you have training?" "i skipped it today." and you gasped. "what?! why would you do that?" "i wanted to walk you home today! i mean, if it's fine of course." him putting his hand over his nape and looking at the ground nervously made him even cuter. "it's fine with me, but that's not a valid reason for you to skip training!" "it's valid for me. come on, your mom said you should go home early right?" how could you ever say no to him?

sighing, you both started walking to your house. along the way, you felt sunghoon's hand hold yours. "your hands might get cold, i'll hold them for you." you looked up to him with a smile, just to find out he was already smiling at you.

one - masterlist - three

[vikkirosko]

Is it possible if I could request team Stan with a s/o who has diabetes like Scott? You can ignore this if you want to I'm cool with it.

Headcanons Diabetes

💙 Stan Marsh x Reader 🐶

Stan knew that you had diabetes for a long time. You have known each other since childhood and several times he saw you carrying several syringes with you. It was only when he got a little older that he found out that they were syringes with insulin. You carried them with you just in case something happened to your insulin pump

One of the most important things you had to follow was a diet. That was one of your basic rules. You always brought food from home with you and sometimes treated Stan to it. He wondered how you could eat this every day for many years, but you're used to it. You remembered how bad you felt when you tasted candy, so you preferred to follow your diet

Stan knew you weren't the only diabetic in South Park, but it was thanks to you that he learned a lot more about it. He knew you needed a diet and regular exercise, but the most important thing was the insulin you needed

The fact that you lived as if you didn't have diabetes seemed very cool to Stan. He knew that some people were very fixated on their illnesses, which is why the fact that you lived a full life no matter what seemed so cool to him. You walked into tomorrow with confidence and Stan was ready to be there if you were ready to let him

💚 Kyle Broflovski x Reader ✡️

You and Kyle met thanks to your parents. They were friends and that's why you saw each other often. Several times you had dinner with them and his mom always carefully watched what you eat. At first Kyle didn't understand the reason for this, but then he found out that you were diabetic and that you couldn't eat a huge amount of food

Despite the fact that Kyle knew about your diabetes, he treated you the same as before. He began to notice more often that you were watching your health, but it didn't change your life that much. You and Kyle were having a great time. He knew that your classmates didn't know about your diabetes, but he wasn't going to tell them either

• When you and Kyle were at school, your insulin pump ran out of batteries. Kyle understood that very soon you needed to get a new dose of insulin, which is why he ran to look for spare batteries. He had to run around several classrooms at school, but he was able to find batteries, for which you were grateful to him, because otherwise you could get bad

Initially, Kyle looked after you at the request of his mother, but pretty quickly he began to do it on his own initiative. You were dear to him and he didn't want you to feel bad. He understood that your diabetes was not a disease that could be cured, but it didn't bother him much. Together you were not afraid of any diseases

❤ Eric Cartman x Reader 🍪

You met Cartman at the hospital. His mom started worrying that he might have diabetes, so she decided to take him to the doctor. While your parents were talking, Cartman suggested that you run away. He was sure that you, just like him, did not want to go to the doctor. You managed to escape together and while talking, he found out that you really had diabetes, but you visited the doctor so often that you no longer had a drop of desire to visit the doctor again

Although your parents scolded you for running away from the hospital, but your joint escape became an occasion for communication. You went to the same school and began to see each other often. At first he was joking about your diabetes, but you didn't react to his jokes, so he stopped doing it. He was interested in communicating with you and your illness did not change that

Several times he saw how you were forced to inject yourself with insulin. It seemed interesting to him and he even asked you about exactly how you do it. You've been learning how to inject yourself with insulin for several years on your own, and you didn't mind telling Cartman exactly how to do it

Few people could easily communicate with Cartman, but you didn't have any problems with it. Although sometimes he could try to deliberately annoy you, but otherwise there were no problems in your communication. Quite often you both forgot that you had diabetes. He was ready to come up with a lot of different adventures in which you could participate and which could help you finally forget about your diabetes

🧡 Kenny McCormick x Reader 🐀

You and Kenny were in the same class and he often liked to sit with you in the cafeteria. He liked to communicate with you and quite often you gave him your lunch from the dining room. The reason for this was your diabetes. There were a lot of things you couldn't do because of your special diet and you didn't mind sharing with Kenny, having a quiet lunch with what you brought from home. Sometimes Kenny would convince you to break your diet and every time after that you were forced to inject yourself with insulin, but it was worth it

You often spent time together. Your parents were very worried about you, and even if you left for a short time, they checked that you took your syringes and repeated every time so that you did not forget that you could not eat and that you were more careful. Kenny sometimes even wondered if they would be more concerned if you had a diabetes attack or if you went to a dangerous place and they found out about it. But you and Kenny didn't want to know the answer to that question

Several times Kenny witnessed you injecting yourself with insulin. He asked you if it hurt and if you would inject insulin all your life. You answered his questions without seeing anything wrong with them. He was genuinely worried about you and he was wondering if there was a chance that your diabetes could be cured

You enjoyed spending time with Kenny. You liked the fact that he saw in you not a person with diabetes, but you. You were grateful to him for that. You cherished him and hoped that even years later you would be together

[medicallymercury]

And Another One - Casualty Hiatus Thoughts - 2/?

I'm still ill but I went into uni anyway like the brave little soldier that I am! (Every night, I decide that all the work that I need to do can be done “tomorrow” but we’re rapidly running out of those until the deadlines. I have lost my train pass and student ID. All I’ve listened to all day is the demo version of Geyser by Mitski. Vague sense of doom.) I got myself some Tesco Finest cookies on the way home. I’m just complaining here. 

I'm back for more already, seems like I've opened the floodgates but this one won't be as lengthy as the other one was. Genuinely sorry I can’t shut up. I thought I was done for a while but I put an episode from series 36 on in the background thinking that I'd be able to do stuff while it played but got distracted by my opinions.

Potentially all over the place again, though this one does manage to be mostly about the series 36 mother-hell storylines. So there's a theme. Warning - I started going off about Dark Room which has a lot of transphobia in it and that’s part of what I talked about.

I really don’t know how I feel about the resolutions of Sah and Teddy’s storylines with their mums. Okay, we already know I'm about to be going on about Sah and Teddy's mother problems storylines but I'm sure there are other characters who this is/isn't applicable to - feel free to let me know about it. As a recap: it’s kind of hard for me to figure out how to describe exactly what happens at the end of Friends Like These, but if anyone has ever seen that quote that’s like “I tried to ask my parents to leave the room, but not my life”, Teddy asks Gaynor to leave the room and she leaves his life. A couple months later a patient situation causes Teddy to call his mum (and that is not brought up again when he gets trapped in a mine in the next episode) and also we are left to assume that all is fine now. Pretty simplistically, in Enough, Sah and Jools talk it out after Kevin has another stroke and then they are also just portrayed as being okay forever by the end of that episode. 

I can absolutely believe that these characters, sad and work-stressed and not always the most emotionally mature, would forgive their mothers. I don’t even disagree with it happening on a story level because I think it could make for a really good development in those stories, or even just a less-than-happy ending. What I don’t enjoy is how these endings are presented as being happily-ever-afters and that everything is supposed to be fine now because they’ve forgiven/reconciled with their mothers who haven’t really done anything to deserve it. Jools is objectively neglectful, and telling Sah they were always enough does not make up for that. I think Gaynor’s behaviour is emotionally abusive; she’s controlling his life, emotionally manipulating him, she’s trying to even limit his contact with people other than her (and she has been doing this, he “wasn’t allowed friends”). Unless I'm wrong, we don’t see or hear from Gaynor at all between Friends Like These and We Need To Talk About Ollie. I don’t doubt they love their kids but that doesn’t make them good parents, and it’s not on their kids to be doing the work to improve the relationships. If we’re getting these forgiveness endings then Jools and Gaynor need to put more effort into proving they’ve changed. Or (and I'd probably find this more interesting cause I'm mean). Forgiveness needs to be presented as something that isn’t this simple happy ending because it doesn't feel like that in these circumstances. I respect the potential misery of the undeserved forgiveness, I love misery for them, especially when they’re both in mother-hell together, I am mean. But if you want to give them a happily-ever-after, keep them away from their mothers or make their mothers do the work. 

They make Sah be the bigger person way too much, actually. In Dark Room, why does Sah have to be nice to Scott when Scott deserves to get re-beaten to a pulp? I don’t care that his mum is also terrible. Not only did he bully them when they were teenagers, he tried to ruin their whole life as a fully grown adult. Their mum is terrible as well and you don’t see them acting like that. They don’t need to be the bigger person and try to help Scott and his also terrible mother, they need a weapon of mass destruction. Also, why is Sah’s deadname used so excessively in series 36? Or at all? Ever? I’m sure there were ways around the audience ever needing to actually know what it was, even if they felt like the story required the implication of characters using it. Another potential Casualty hot take, maybe? I don't think Sah's dad is all that great of a parent either. Obviously it is entirely Jools' fault that Sah has to be his carer at such a young age, he had no control over that and Jools is definitely the worse parent, but getting back with Jools without telling Sah, cancelling plans with Sah to go on dates with Jools, excusing Jools’ pretty transphobic remarks and acting like Sah has to forgive Jools because he has really isn’t great. They were right when they said “it’s not just you she left”. IT’S! NOT! JUST! KEVIN! SHE! LEFT! It annoys me that Casualty is like ‘this action will have consequences’ about that scene because Sah is right. The only person I truly like from Sah’s pre-joining-Casualty life is Bill Phillipsen (and his dead wife) and he died. I knew you very briefly/not at all but I miss you Bill and Jean <\3

This post is absolutely the post for me to start getting into the connections between the mother-hell storylines but I won’t in full. They are kind of this pair of opposites, not just on this wider level of overinvolved mother vs uninvolved mother, there are a lot of patterns I’ve noticed in the episodes and the dialogue. I’d find them all now but it's 2am and I need to be awake at 8am at the latest so I’m putting off compiling that list for another day. Some faves that I can remember off the top of my head: opposite Jan advice scenes, Gaynor really struggling to say she’s proud of Teddy even though he really wants her to while one of the first things Jools tries to say to Sah is that she’s proud of them and they tell her not to, “you won’t see me back if I go” vs “I’m back now if it’s not too late”. I really like these connections, that's why I'm so passionate about what I don't agree with in these storylines.

I didn't mention this in my last post but I got my hands on a bootleg of The Play That Goes Wrong with Milo Clarke as Max and it's very enjoyable. I've been meaning to watch TPTGW at least since I watched both series of the show, probably longer, and I succumbed to the Casualty brainrot and and had to see his version. All I'll say: He really knows how to play aunt based nepotism and situations that could be solved with polyamory.

Based on when one of the episodes is set to air, I don’t think we’ll see Casualty back until about December 30th, unless we are gonna have another break between episodes once it comes back. I don’t really care that much and also, Christmas/New Years episode? The most recent Christmas episode was that one where they were like “what if it was last year?” back in 2021 and that’s always been a weird choice to me. I just want a silly little festive one, normal Casualty episode featuring carol singing and tinsel and the implication of a really intense staff party (we will never get the Sah/Teddy Christmas party of my dreams, not this year cause they’re in the current situation, not last year cause no Christmas episode and also the stuff with Jan was happening then, not the year before…). The only thing that bothers me about the hiatus is the inevitable time skip, so much time will have elapsed in universe by the time it comes back so I feel like we will have missed a lot of the immediate aftermath of stuff that happened at the end of Driving Force.

[airiat]

northern sky, three. ✧˚ · .

{masterlist | beginning}

pairing: joel miller x you / f!reader (wc: 35.3k, 10 chapters)

rating: explicit, 18+

work tags: no outbreak, age difference (27/42), hurt/comfort, ptsd, fate, ldr, explicit sexual content (rough/romantic sex, light d/s & sadomasochism, dirty talk, choking/biting, oral (f & m receiving), unprotected piv, aftercare)

work warnings: themes of death (more details here, contains spoilers), depictions of mental illness/alcoholism, light discussion of theoretical relationship with minor (not condoned by either party), light blood kink

ch. summary: it's been three weeks since you've seen him, but he finds you all the same.

{ao3}

three. {1.9k}

Here you are again. You’re back in your same seat, the same tumbler of whiskey sweating bullets in front of you. The bartender, who is your friend once more, is wiping down the bar at the opposite end of you. The music’s off. It’s just you and her in here.

“You gonna let me drive you home tonight?” she calls down to you.

“No,” you grunt. He has to be coming. He has to be.

He is.

“It’s the middle of winter, honey, and you’re definitely not sober,” she says. “You really think that walking is a good idea?”

“I do,” you say. “I like walking.”

She sighs with a certain kind of weariness. “I’ll send you out of here with a shot if you let me take you.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want it. I wanna walk.”

You want to walk, and you want to fall into bed, and you want to stain your pillow with sobs.

“One of these mornings, I’m going to be driving by and see you dead in the snow,” the bartender says.

“Maybe,” you say. “Would that be so bad?”

“Yes, it would be.”

“Huh. Well, I’m gonna head outta here now,” you tell her. “Could I still have that shot?”

“No.”

You shrug, push yourself up off the seat. “More at home.”

“Great. Then, how about you actually make it home?”

You nod. “I will.”

You will.

“See you tomorrow, then.”

“See you,” you grumble.

You won’t. 

The cold air sinks its teeth into you the moment you step out the door. It doesn’t hurt so bad. You’re deadened by the warm whiskey in your blood, and you’ve at least attempted to dress for the weather: a sturdy coat, knit hat and gloves, actual snow boots. You know the route as well as the lines in your palms, can shut your mind down and just walk. You’ll probably make it home no worse for wear.

Tonight, though, you won’t be finding out. In fact, this night, you don’t even get to leave the parking lot. A truck is pulling in. You can’t recognize it at first; it’s facing you head-on, and the headlights are blinding. But then, it’s pulling up alongside you, stops. It means nothing to you, so you keep walking. It means nothing until the voice that lives in your soul calls out to you. 

You whirl around, and then he’s there.

Maybe you’re a little too drunk. Maybe you really are face down in the snow somewhere, dreaming up something to make your passing go quieter. Because what you’re seeing here in front of you cannot be. It’s been three weeks, and you’ve waited. It’s been twenty nights that you’ve retraced your steps, gambled between your house and the bar as to where he’d come looking for you.

And tonight, here he is. Here he is in his big shearling coat and work boots, with his messy hair and brown eyes that never leave yours. You walk towards him with arms half-raised to hug him, but you falter. You’re face down in the snow. You must be.

“Joel?” you question.

He smiles, and that’s when you’re sure he’s real. Nothing within you would ever be capable of creating such beauty. “‘Course, darlin',” he says. “Who else?”

You let out a tired exhale, surrender into his waiting arms. Into his chest, you say, “It’s cold out.”

“Sure is,” Joel says, leading you to the passenger side of his truck and helping you in, your grip on his hand heavy and unsteady.

When he’s sitting in the driver’s seat, pulling out of the parking lot, you say, “I got a little drunk tonight.”

“And you were still going walk home,” he replies. “Jesus.”

You let your head loll on the seat to look at him, get lost roaming the proud curve of his nose, musing over the deeper downturn of his lips, all alight in soft orange from the dashboard. He never looks back at you, keeps his eyes unwavering on the road.

“I would have made it home,” you say. 

Briefly, Joel glances over, maybe to see if you’re smiling. But you’re not. Your eyelids are heavy, and only your ceaseless wonder at him sitting there next to you props them open. There is no joke. Only the truth, plain and bare.

“Sure,” he says. “Until the night that you don’t.”

You shake your head slowly, the whiskey sloshing like waves in your veins. “I’ve lived in this town my entire life, Joel. That house, too. I could be half-dead and still know how to make it back.”

“Alright, fine, but what about the weather, or an animal…or another person?”

You tip your head back, bare your throat. “Then, that’s just the way the chips fall.”

Joel inhales once, sharply, and then falls silent. His lips curve even more down, and now, his brow is pressed down, too. You don’t like him this way, but all your muddled mind can think to do is reach out and take his hand into your lap. To map all the ridges with your trembling thumb and anchor yourself in his solidness. When his fingers uncurl, you lace yours between them, ever allayed by his warmth. Your eyes sink closed before long.

“Hey, darlin’, we’re here,” the smoke says from the space beside you.

“Hmm?” you murmur, but you’re still motionless.

Your lap is suddenly cold, and a moment later, more cold invades your skin from the undefinable right. You whimper and curl inwards, holding your arms tight across your middle. This isn’t him. Whatever it is, you don’t want it.

“C’mon, baby, let me get you inside,” the smoke implores you.

When hands snake around your back, your eyes spring open, frantic breath holding your throat hostage. But then, there’s the warmth, there’s the sky-forest-blood scent cascading into you. There’s his body sheltering yours like an old oak as Joel tucks you into his side and guides you out of his truck and up to your house. 

At the door, your hands are shaking like so much storm that all you can do is clutch them against your chest, spit out through aching teeth which pocket the keys are in. He produces them, gets the door open, and then you’re with him in the foyer, embraced by the heat and the four placid walls around you. You would sink down to the floor, curl up there–you have before–but he catches you and props you back up.

“Let me sleep,” your small voice whines, shoving weakly at his arm so you can crumple.

“I will, I will,” Joel says in a placating voice. “But not here, alright?”

You have to trust that he knows something you don’t as he keeps you awake long enough to trek with you to your bed, sit you down, and free you of your winter gear. In fact, your body does sing with so much relief when he finally lets you flop into the nest of your blankets. But when he just stands there, looking caught between two places, a hollowness flares in your chest.

Joel’s not going to get in bed with you. He’s going to wait for you to sleep, then slip out into the night, crumble into a wraith, and then you’ll never see him again. A sob drops from your lips.

You blink, and he’s crouched at your side, smoothing a hand over your cheek. “What’s wrong, baby?”

“You’re not a ghost. I don’t want you to leave,” you say through the tears tracking down your cheeks, gathering at Joel’s thumb.

His brow furrows and smoothes just as quick. “‘Course I’m not leavin’. Drove all this way just to walk right back out? I don’t think so.”

You heave a sigh and roll back into the pillow, pull the relief tight around your shoulders. But it lasts only as long as you don’t realize he still isn’t in bed with you. Then, hollowness finds a home once more.

“Why aren’t you here?” you ask him, face to the ceiling, arm slapping down on the mattress next to you.

“That what you want?”

“Yes.” 

You flip over on your side, find him still crouched beside you. You tug at the buttons on his coat, not deft enough to get them undone. His hands ghost after yours, unbuttoning each one you touch. And then, he’s unlacing his boots, leaving his things in an unceremonious pile with yours.

“You sure?” Joel says, but he’s rounding the bed, sitting on the other side twisted towards you. “I could always go sleep on the couch.”

You scowl, yank his arm down until his hand finds the expanse of your legging-clad thigh, roaming up and down, slow. As you bring your leg up, his lips press to the outside of your knee. Under his touch, a new wave of life floods you until you can’t possibly fathom sleep. As you gaze up at him and he meets your eyes, your tamped-down want joins it.

“Kiss me,” you tell Joel.

“You’re not sober,” he replies.

“Sober enough to know I’m safe.” The words, the truth, taste sweet in your mouth.

His worn, beautiful face twists with something painful, but when he leans down, you don’t taste any blood on him. It’s only the ambrosia of his spit and the pepper of his mustache against your lip. His arm sweeps under your shoulders as he shifts to align the length of his body against yours.

“Never should’ve left you,” Joel groans when you cling to the back of his neck.

You don’t know how to spell out agreement without infusing guilt. Instead, you ask, “How was Jackson?”

“Just fine,” he grunts, tracing the curve of your jaw with his mouth.

“No, actually tell me.”

He pulls back to look at you. “Sweetheart, you don’t gotta pretend.”

“I’m not.”

Joel sighs, and you start to fear that you pushed him the wrong way, but then, his eyes become melted chocolate. “Baby’s cute. Evan, they named him. Tommy and Maria are happy. And Sarah…well, we’re on good terms again.”

“Good, that’s good,” you murmur.

“I flew with her to Boston,” he continues. “That’s where she goes to school. Spent some time with her and that girlfriend of hers, then flew back to Jackson, drove home.”

Your heart clenches in a way it doesn’t deserve to. “You went home?”

Joel pauses. His words, when they come out, are careful. “I started a construction company last year. Gotta be there some of the time to run it.”

Of course, of course. It makes sense. It’s not about you. “I didn’t know that.”

“But you wanna know the truth of it?”

You nod.

“Couldn’t even last two weeks before I had to come back to you.”

You exhale, let your eyelids fall closed. See? There’s nothing to be afraid of. You blink open, find Joel looking back at you with his unreadable mask. You don’t know if what you want to say is worth the risk, but logic flutters away. “Maybe it’s good you didn’t give me your number. Maybe you wouldn’t have felt like you needed to come back.”

There’s something Joel’s trying to say with the shape of his mouth and the press of his brow, but you can’t understand it. All you can do is lay back and pull him over you, let his body's weight and warmth tell you of peace. You wander with him towards the darkness and tumble head-first into the fringes of sleep, long-awaited.

“Won’t leave ‘till you tell me to,” the smoke reassures, and that’s when you can finally let go.

[punkscowardschampions]

Cali & Ronali

Ali: [Private at Carly, clearly not the second we leave this Halloween party but still early enough that you will have these messages whenever you wake up tomorrow]

Ali: 🌄⏰🐦🪱🐓🌄

Ali: ☕️👸 how was the rest of the party, vvitch?

Carly: no need to ? how it went for u 🧜🏼‍♀️🔮

Carly: mustve proper lured the lad to his death for me to get a text out of you

Ali: Ugh, as if it wasn’t shaming enough how 🌃 n 🌇 the mood is with me, I’m always the cliche of turning into the WORST friend 💔

Carly: nah you’re the best

Carly: & hey now no talk of shame or cliches before youre 💔 @ me for what I turned into

Ali: You’re the one turning them all into 🐸🐸🐸s

Ali: no shame in your game 🧙‍♀️🔮

Carly: if I had myself some real 🔮💜🧿💙

Carly: but fuck us talking about my 😢😭 always

Carly: you’re 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻

Ali: there’s always room for every 🌈☀️⛅️☁️❄️💨💧☔️

Ali: but if I have to come back and knock some teeth out, I will be doing double for them ruining both our weekends 

Ali: [send a picture of whatever stop you’ve hit so far]

Carly: sure but theres not for every ➡️⬅️⬆️⬇️↗️↘️↙️↖️

Carly: dont you dare fetch yourself back here til hes work on or we’ll be the ones having a fall out baby

Ali: Promise?

Ali: because 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻

Carly: 🐸🐸🐸’ll still be where i left em when youre after doing your own spells 

Carly: & I’ll be grand

Ali: Mosey was on one, I know that much

Ali: was basically hiding from him when Johnny found me

Carly: yea he wanted me to find you myself 1st but I said no like

Ali: well, he was only after that because he got embarrassed in the chat 🙄

Ali: not at all transparent and very flattering, boy

Carly: i offered him 🧟‍♀️💚 but he was off the poor girl soon as she showed herself, weren’t gonna drop it had to be u

Ali: He’d think it a power move

Ali: at least you made sure she still had a time worth coming out for

Carly: aw she’s so cute & ill not see her again now hes acting the gobshite 🥺👋

Ali: him not reckoning he can chat me up himself is hilarious though, as well as true but never thought I’d see the day with that ego

Carly: have to do everything myself but ah i reckon its a decent habit to get into w how things was left

Ali: You can invite 🧟‍♀️ over, you know where she worked

Ali: shop shouldn’t be packed up and gone quite yet

Carly: idk i dont have his ego

Ali: you were getting on great though

Carly: wes meant to be talking about how youre getting on w yer man there

Ali: Oh, right 😋

Ali: it’s weird, we’ve barely talked about it even

Carly: course no, he’d only be after saying something about it if u hurt him never shut the boy up then but when its he done wrong to you theres another story & closed 📙🧡

Carly: did he at least trouble himself to say some of what I taught you?

Ali: Loads

Ali: We’ll have to have more lessons but I got some of it 

Ali: I don’t think any of it was an apology, no, like but he said some things that are as good as, to me anyway 

Carly: 😁💛🌞💛

Carly: I was 🙏💙🔮💜🤞🌠 on everything I could

Ali: Your magick worked, baby

Ali: He’s never been that real with me 

Carly: yours 🧜🏼‍♀️🧚‍♀️👼👸🏼👩🏼‍🎤🧙🏼‍♀️

Carly: unlike mine it never fails

Ali: the 🐸 just like being slimy 🐸s, it’s 1000000% them

Ali: Do you reckon I’m to believe him, if he says he hasn’t slept with anyone since then?

Carly: I’d

Carly: hes not been 1 to whore himself round like moses even back in the day before you was bringing yourself round

Ali: I did believe him when he said it, s’only talking about it now I realised I might’ve not but fuck it, I do

Carly: be his way to go about 🥺💔😢💔😭 from that there night w the full knowing of what hed lost himself hes no dope for all he is

Ali: He thought I’d got with Caleb and/or Drew, that was obvious, however trashed I was that night, and how mortifying the reread was

Carly: yea you was hammered enough to want to let him 💭 it til that went wrong

Carly: I shouldve had your phone off you I’m sorry

Ali: 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I should’ve thought of a less pathetic plan to get his attention in the first place

Ali: It’s all over now and he’s so 🙃

Ali: We understand how to do this better

Carly: off timing can send the best to the bad but it’s on your side now

Carly: fate decided he had to lose u for proper for a bit to decide he for proper wanted you too 💫💞

Ali: So what are we to decide for you and Moses, is it a yes or is it a no

Ali: or a maybe

Carly: theres no me & moses

Carly: forces intervened to show me what he for proper 💭 of me & its not 💫💞 ill never unknow it even though he don't know I do

Ali: What do you know 🐇

Carly: I cant be telling you cos you’ll 💪🥊🤕

Carly: he can keep his 🦷🦷 to keep you 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻 idc youre away thats what matters

Ali: I know you can handle yourself as well as him

Ali: I promise I won’t 💪🥊🤕 until I’m naturally in the same place as him

Carly: it hurt so much idc how im still here to be 😶💙

Ali: no 🥺

Carly: how am I to look @ myself? 

Ali: You’re perfect, in every way I can think of

Ali: he’s been on some absolute gobshite nonsense if he’s made you think any different

Carly: hes a point what he said in the group on ros bday about how thick I am, must be

Ali: his only point was being a cunt, often is

Carly: & ive always said hes not that bad, there then I am stupid for not knowing already he reckons im [whatever he said when he rated her horrifically]

Ali: who did he say that shit to?

Ali: For it to get back to you

Carly: all the lads

Carly: I thought he liked me for what he liked me for at least but turns out ive - craic & nothing to offer nobody like

Ali: He’s a freak who’s rating every sexual experience he has against his own made-up ranking and scale

Ali: it’s meant to be personal, and different, not comparable, he’s just wrong from the start

Ali: as well as a total, total cunt who doesn’t care if the girls he sleeps with hears this shit

Carly: yea well im not meant to have the knowing, forget i said a word, k?

Ali: but you do, if he tells every lad who he can, he’s aware that’s a possibility

Carly: its only a 😢☔️😭 day for me don’t let it ☁️ yours

Ali: don’t let him ☁️ you

Carly: ive got 🍭🍬 left still i’ll be grand when the sugar rush hits same as last night

Ali: You’d never done it before, how many times has he? He’s the only one with anything to be worrying about

Carly: idk idc

Carly: our tally stops on [idk what the number of times you’ve slept with this boy is, I dread to think] 

Ali: 🍭🍬 are gonna treat you better than that moron

Carly: 🥳✨🎇🎊⚡️🎆🎉

Carly: have your own fun baby dont bother yourself w me

Ali: I’m always gonna, it’s not optional

Carly: nor is keeping that boy waiting ⌚️⏱⏲⏰⌛️⏳

Carly: not for me when he hates me enough

Ali: I won’t tell him any of this, you said you weren’t to know

Ali: Moses deserves revenge but if that’s not what you want then 😶 I swear

Carly: johno wouldnt smack him for calling me worse I know that

Carly: not his fave you are 🍀🐇🌠

Ali: I don’t need his opinion on this, it’s clear and there’s right and there’s wrong

Ali: imagine the fuss if you compared him and Ro, except you’d literally never do that because you’re a nice person

Carly: theres no comparison how you said

Carly: it was only different how they are

Ali: That’s how it should be, even I know that and my tally is just the one right now

Carly: but what a 1

Carly: theres no comparison but you chose better

Ali: He’s as mean to you

Ali: it does make me a bad friend

Carly: long as hes not to you again

Ali: he was worried about me when we went away, that’s more than I can say for my parents so

Carly: & hes making you happy which is all I want for u ever

Ali: I’ll try and have all the self-respect if he’s not again and walk away 😤

Carly: johnos learnt you’re not gonna have to walk yourself nowhere no more

Ali: God I love this bike 🥴

Carly: you know he loves u when he lets you on the front to have a  drive of it instead of only the back 🙏💙🔮💜🤞🌠

Ali: …

Carly: my god

Carly: youre not coming back, I’m to never see you again

Ali: Sounds like you’re doubting my riding ability 

Carly: I’m saying watch he don’t drive you past no 💒💍

Ali: Now you know he’d never 😏

Carly: hed have no girl driving him, johno I know

Carly: to be sure cant doubt your other riding ability at all 🍆🔮💜

Ali: only for a 🤏

Ali: Was going to say now he’s seen my own bike but just sounds like some weird euphemism 😹

Carly: 😅

Carly: i love when people reckon theyre up to something gas calling me a bike but it just sounds cute 🚲💐

Ali: The insults just don’t hit like they used to, I swear, if it was at least 😅 I’d have to pretend to be slightly offended for ‘em

Carly: I’ll give it a lash thinking of some decent when u leave me here cos youre away 💒💍

Ali: Behave yourself, not even old enough to get myself the pill

Carly: do you need it? Ill send [her mum] off soon as youre back like

Ali: I think it’ll be too late but we can try

Ali: I’m not, I’d be able to tell 🔮

Carly: I’ll busy myself w magic of my own to try & keep u safe how hes not, must be I love u more 

Ali: No doubt about it 💙💜

Carly: ill miss you 🥺❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🥺

Ali: He’s got work like you said, can only keep him that long 

Ali: will we not go to school and have a day to ourselves

Carly: [her mum] swears herself by gin & a hot bath so thats a date there or we can take ourselves off up the mountain & roll you down?

Ali: gravitys sure to save me 😵‍💫

Carly: i’d save you baby

Ali: 🥺

Carly: will we go get new clothes for bonfire night? youve some english in u we can celebrate it

Ali: 🔥🦋👠🍄🦔💃🥁🧨🪓🍁👢🍎🧚🍂🦊🪐🔥

Ali: we gotta

Carly: @ your house or are you to tell ro cos he’ll listen to you?

Ali: See the mood anyone @ mine is in by then… 

Carly: ah fuck you’ll be in disgrace for your 💒💍 true enough

Ali: Might be that my ma will think it’s a killer idea if it gets Ro interested, girl Ro, btw

Carly: I can’t w em having the same name, I’ll have to call her something else, it’s been said when me & he celebrated his bday together I’d be 😳🍨

Ali: 🤣

Ali: We can invite boy Ro, and Bart, they’d both come

Carly: might be he’ll be after seeing or bringing his girl idk

Ali: I saw the 😘 but Idk who she is, do I?

Carly: I think her name’s [something it either is or isn’t but unlike Moses we genuinely think it is and aren’t just trying to be funny or shady] but thats all I know of her

Ali: The more the merrier, anyway, the guestlist is lacking these days

Carly: long as I can party w my 👶 fave

Ali: 💛🎇😈🎆💛

Ali: He’s guaranteed to be there, he can’t make an excuse yet

Carly: what we dressing him up as?

Ali: Gonna need a Guy for the bonfire

Carly: aw 👶🧨💥

Ali: He’ll love the threat of violence, for sure

Ali: That’s settled

Carly: you said u 👀 the 💋💓🥰💘 whatd u 💭 to 🤠🤎? 

Ali: Hmm, he’s very considerate, I’d say

Ali: would be better in a private setting, undoubtedly, without all the 💬

Carly: yea

Ali: What are you 💭 of 🤠🤎?

Carly: i told him he was to keep seeing this girl cos he was telling me to keep myself from moses but maybe I was not to

Carly: things still dont feel the same between me & ro for my getting myself involved idk

Ali: You were only pointing out it wasn’t his place, that’s what I would 💭 if I were him

Ali: They never do anything they don’t want to do, yeah

Carly: it was him told me about the ratings

Ali: Oh

Ali: did it feel like he was telling you like a friend or that he was trying to be a dick with it like Moses?

Carly: he was being nice to me before & he didnt wanna say but I’d not shut up about it

Ali: It would make sense for him caring about you going with Moses, him knowing and not liking that he rates you all

Carly: ive never known him as 😤😠 @ me, yea 😡🤬

Ali: I think he likes you

Carly: what?

Carly: no

Ali: Hmm, I’m keeping my 👀 peeled

Carly: why do u think hed like me?

Ali: If he was just a friend looking out for you, he wouldn’t need to be all 😤😠😡🤬

Ali: Ro wouldn’t be, would he?

Carly: ro never is

Ali: Right

Carly: he said im to behave more like a sister though

Carly: he cant like me if hes saying that

Ali: Okay, odd choice of words

Ali: but you know he’s not meant to like you, he’s Johnny’s brother, like

Carly: k true

Ali: It would add up, I’m not saying 100% but he would’ve joined in harder after the whole birthday thing, I think, if he didn’t like you

Carly: he troubled himself when I was crying

Carly: oh 

Ali: yeah

Ali: Do you like him?

Carly: idk hes always slagging me, 1st to, ive never ever 💭

Carly: god i told him to keep on w that girl he’ll think im a massive bitch if he likes me & im there like hey cute couple yous

Ali: Nah, you don’t have to like him back, little awkward, sure but you’re not obligated

Carly: ive just remembered ive gone on about girls hes fucked too 😳🍨 wow

Ali: 😶

Carly: im chucking myself in the bonfire like 

Ali: you’ll do no such thing, the costume’ll be off

Carly: hes been trying to help me this entire time 🥺 & what did I do? I hate myself 🤢🤮

Ali: He’s been far from perfect, if it was obvious, you wouldn’t have said any of those things

Ali: and you’ll be more embarrassed than him at this point

Carly: 🍭🍬 would kick in this minute

Ali: breathe, baby

Carly: 😵‍💫

Ali: There’s not a thing for you to worry about, if he does like you, it’s a mostly nice thing and you can handle it, if he doesn’t, then there’s nothing for you to think on now

Carly: & you’ll keep an eye how you said?

Carly: I don’t wanna make it no worse for the poor lad than I’ve already either way

Ali: Of course

Ali: you aren’t going to, you were just clueless, which is obviously how he wanted it, in fairness

Carly: i feel bad for being when I’m meant to know these boys better than most & it turns out I dont

Ali: I think that’s growing up

Ali: none of us know each other as well as we’d think

Carly: promise we know each other though

Ali: ‘course

Ali: We’re not claiming to know each other since 👶👶s though

Ali: sometimes I think they’re the people you know the least

Carly: yea, I reckon youre 🎯 w that 1

Ali: Sorry, downer

Ali: you wouldn’t know I was 😍🥰😘

Carly: i was who started it sorry

Ali: don’t be sorry, I’ll have to prepare for the comedown of leaving him 

Carly: ill bring the 🌈🌞 when youre 😢☔️😭 swear

Ali: ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Carly: whatever ive to take

Ali: Makes a case for showing at school just to get the plug but nah

Ali: we don’t need them, got our own fun of rolling me down hills and into baths to contend with

Carly: I love you

Carly: it’ll be fun 🤞❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤞

Ali: Always, angel

Carly: but go have loads w out me 1st 😍🥰😘

Ali: I can’t stop

Ali: I will find you when I’m back 

Carly: til he finds u on his lunch break sure

Ali: 🙏🙏🙏

Ali: think I’ll go insane if he tries to leave me waiting

Carly: hed b insane to

Ali: I know I can’t message him, he’ll be fuming

Carly: youll have no need trust me im not clueless on that

Ali: It isn’t going to be two months, not again

Carly: itll not be 2 days ⌚️⏱⏲⏰⌛️⏳

Carly: youll be counting it in hours

Ali: I just love him

Carly: I know baby & we both do he loves u too

Ali: He likes me a lot

Carly: k if thats what you wanna act like I said

Ali: That’s just what he says

Carly: well he would

Ali: I don’t see it as a copout, he says it like he means it

Carly: its no copout course he means it same as what he cant say & s’only to show in what he does

Ali: I’m glad he’s only 16, that we have time

Carly: youve donkey’s for it to be unreal

Ali: 🤎🤎🚀🍯🐺🔑🎠🥾⚡️🎲🍭☄️🤎

Ali: I need to invite him back over mine, erase that memory with it

Carly: soon as

Carly: have him do all he did cept this time hes to stay

Ali: 🤔 and make sure I pick up his clothes from the stairs this time, note to self

Carly: yea 😅

Ali: Poor, poor Thomas

Carly: whats he to dress up as? I’ll ask him while youre too busy to talk to me no more

Ali: replaced, shocking behaviour 😚

Carly: yours 

Carly: im here behaving as a wifey waiting on u back

Ali: We all knew I behaved shockingly

Ali: 😎🤘

Carly: y your my forever & ever fave 🐅🧡 dont change 🐆🖤

Ali: and you’re why I’ll come back, even though I could let him drive and drive until we’re 🌊

Carly: 🥺 will I 😢😭 til youre back for the want of u?

Ali: you mustn’t, you’ve got so many outfits to plan

Carly: & lads to keep myself from

Ali: I’ll plot my revenge he’ll not even know is from us

Carly: no youre busy

Ali: when there’s room in my head for it

Ali: have to drive sometimes if we’re to reach [however far yous are going]

Carly: u heard me theres donkey’s before u need room in your head for nothing else quit your driving too far ahead of yourself

Ali: 🥺💛💛 okay

Carly: or ill have the outfit back on & put you under a spell like

Ali: I’m so under it

Carly: grand, thats more as it should be

Carly: 🤎🤎🚀🍯🐺🔑🎠🥾⚡️🎲🍭☄️🤎

Ali: 💀 RIP me

Carly: youre living too 🥰🌹😁🌞🌻 to die & sure the bikes too fast as well 💨🌠🚀☄️

Ali: There’s too much left to see and feel

Carly: so on ye go 💜🧚❤️🐞🍃💚🐝💛👼🏼💙🦋🧡

Ronan: [@ Ali at some point when she vanishes from this party and has been gone long enough for him to notice that isn’t like at a stalker level of where is she?]

Ronan: Hey

Ronan: you reckoning on hiding yourself all night?

Ali: [When you really did]

Ali: 👻 antics are seasonally appropriate but still proper bad craic

Ronan: Mosey and his bad craic’s not so scary

Ronan: and he gave it up to take Carls off before long, you know

Ali: Ah, don’t you be putting it about that I’m scared of that boy

Ronan: What was it happened? Too many sweets?

Ronan: she said you’re not feeling yourself when I saw her the now but not you

Ali: This time of year does make me think about my sister and brother

Ali: ended up needing some peace and quiet, like

Ronan: Yeah ‘course

Ronan: I should’ve reckoned on that, but we know where each other is if you need something else, you’ve only to say and I’ll bring it ‘round there, no bother

Ali: You’re a good mate, too good of one to subject to a deep and meaningful about all my bullshit but I’ll keep that in mind

Ali: how was the rest then, what did I miss?

Ronan: [tell her the kind of stories you always get from teen parties, nothing too drama I’m sure because you’re trying to cheer her, more like silly antics from friends and peeps she’d also know]

Ali: 😅

Ali: I saw your 🎆

Ronan: Ah well, I had myself crossed you would, knowing how much you like ‘em

Ali: A fellow pyro after my own heart

Ronan: Party’s to go with a bang, eh? Or how much of one would it be, like?

Ali: Do yous have any left? Speaking of

Ronan: Some, but I can get more if needs

Ali: Might be having my own little shindig next weekend, providing my parents aren’t on at me over this or that

Ronan: At yours? I’ve never had an invite there before when the rest are in

Ali: You don’t have to, but they’re not total dickheads, I swear

Ronan: Are your parents going to be about?

Ali: It’s bonfire night, you know, food, sparklers, that kind of family-friendly content

Ronan: So they’re about and you’re after me meeting them?

Ali: Oh my God, don’t make it sound like that 🙄😳

Ali: Carls and Bart are invited too, obviously

Ronan: Right then, we’ll all of us come

Ali: 😁

Ali: and bring fireworks, lots of

Ronan: Many as we can all of us carry, swear

Ali: My little brother will be made up 🤩

Ronan: Mine act up for ‘em too, I don’t know how it is there’s any left or they’ve fingers

Ali: Do not let him help, whatever he tries to say, no sense yet that one

Ronan: Come on, he’ll not have sense ‘til he learns it, and I’ll not let him get himself blown to bits

Ali: He’s 3, boyo

Ali: take it up with my ma, if you’re so inclined 😉

Ronan: Be a grand impression to make on her that would, I’ll behave decent, don’t you worry

Ali: I’m not, they’re pretty chill and you’re a good boy really

Ronan: I’ll really try

Ali: aw shucks

Ali: Don’t try too hard, they’ll be after replacing me with you

Ronan: You couldn’t be replaced by nobody

Ali: FINE, I’ll make [something swag she has clearly made before that is somehow seasonably appropriate, you get my vibe lol]

Ronan: Fireworks for [this thing]’s a fair enough trade

Ali: Fireworks and compliments, you’re out of pocket

Ronan: Only called you irreplaceable, barely even counts as 

Ali: True… thought you said you were trying

Ronan: At the weekend

Ronan: you can’t expect it morning after

Ali: You’re only at your full potential on a 🌕 I know

Ronan: Yeah, might be

Ali: You remembered to declaw and defur yourself yet?

Ronan: [a selfie there is no need of except his blatant crush]

Ali: 👋🐺 

Ali: Your costume was sick 

Ronan: Shop was cool, shame Mosey boy got that girl out of it for nothing but weren’t a wasted trip for me, can’t say that

Ronan: you looked best out of everyone though and you never went down

Ali: Sure she’ll survive without his attentions, be better for it no doubt

Ali: I’d been planning ages

Ronan: Could tell, it proper showed

Ali: Cheers 🧜‍♀️🌊💚

Ali: Bit gutted I accidentally matched Mosey, no meet-cute like Bartley and that lass

Ronan: Was bad luck for you

Ronan: thought I’d had a touch of my own turning Carls onto girls herself ‘til she set me and herself straight going with him again

Ali: You dope 😅 she were only cheering her for bothering to come out, like you said

Ronan: I don’t know, seemed more to me

Ali: Really?

Ali: I mean, if she ended up going with Moses, easy way to get his attention 🤷‍♀️

Ronan: True, it’ll be that

Ali: Did you think 🧟‍♀️ was cute?

Ronan: Mosey and Carls both being all over her she must’ve had something going on, but I never noticed what

Ali: Me either

Ronan: Be green for days her, who’s after troubling themselves scrubbing her back? A job and a half I’m not signing up for

Ali: Be alright if she was still working in that shop, not fuck knows where now

Ronan: I was told [somewhere it’s hilariously inappropriate for her to still be green, for the lols, soz girl]

Ali: 😱😱😱 Makes me wanna rock up and see, that does

Ronan: I’ll take you now

Ali: Ah, can’t

Ronan: Why? She might’ve got it all off tomorrow

Ali: Not at home atm

Ronan: She’ll probably be working ‘til [a time] when are you? I’ll come for you and we can go over

Ali: On an adventure 🌄

Ali: Photographic evidence if you go, please

Ronan: I’ll be on my way to go get a selfie with her

Ali: Can see what you reckon in the cold light of day

Ronan: Can’t be falling out with Carls over it, took ages for us to be friends again

Ali: I’m so glad you’re sorted though

Ronan: And me

Ali: You handled it good

Ronan: You reckon? Cheers

Ali: Trust, I’d feel insanely awkward in the middle if you hadn’t

Ronan: Trust, I don’t want it to be like that, for none of us

Ali: None of us do, that’s why we get on so well

Ronan: Yeah

Ali: We’re alright, aren’t we?

Ronan: What do you mean? ‘Course we are

Ali: Just checking, wouldn’t want my party dip to have you holding a grudge

Ronan: I should’ve checked on you better myself, seen you was alright

Ali: Nah, not at all

Ronan: I’ll be able to keep a closer eye on you at the next

Ali: Well, that��s true

Ali: can’t get quite as hectic but we’ll try

Ronan: It’ll be good

Ali: Match your behaviour, yeah

Ronan: You’re not promising to be?

Ali: Where’s my incentive to do that?

Ronan: I can’t say I know what that word is, not going school no more

Ali: 😏 I’m not promising, is the long and short of it

Ronan: You want me to make you, is why, is it?

Ali: 😆 Shut up, you

Ronan: Yeah, you’re after me giving you something to behave, I’ve worked it out

Ali: You’re such a wind-up, you sound like your brother

Ronan: Me? You with your big words and wanting of presents

Ali: Touche 😬

Ronan: We don’t neither of us need to follow his way for nothing

Ali: I’m certainly not planning to, don’t you worry

Ronan: I’m not, you go your own, have since I’ve known you

Ali: And I’d only ever compare you to Moses to take the piss, not to be an absolute bitch, promise

Ronan: He goes his own too, less of a compliment in it there

Ali: Was going to say you’re too fair for your own good

Ronan: But he’s still my brother, end of the day

Ali: Yeah, can’t pick ‘em, I get it

Ronan: And he might grow up out of it, others have

Ali: There’s always time for that

Ronan: Time for Carly to walk away from him

Ali: She’s done with him

Ronan: She’s said?

Ali: Yeah, I’ve spoken to her

Ali: Unsurprising he managed to fuck it up again, obviously

Ronan: How do you know she means it when there’s been a before?

Ali: I can’t see the future that well but she’s even more upset with him right now so

Ronan: Least he’ll not be there at your party, can’t tempt her back

Ali: Couldn’t imagine he’d be after no invite

Ronan: I could, how he were looking for you last night

Ali: That’s probably mostly because Johnny called him a cunt, looking for ways to win back some rep, or whatever nonsense

Ronan: And he’ll still be trying, didn’t manage to win nothing sleeping with Carls, not to John Boy

Ali: Either way, he’s not invited to have no [whatever we said we’re making]

Ronan: He don’t have no clue where you live to crash it

Ali: Thank God

Ronan: I’d not tell him, nor would she

Ali: Do you know if Bartley likes Carly?

Ronan: Likes? I’ve to check I saw what I reckon you wrote

Ali: I know, but don’t you think he dislikes her a little TOO hard? Think about it

Ronan: Johno don’t like her that hard, they’re brothers, there’s sense he’d follow feeling the same, we’re all of us meant to

Ali: I suppose so

Ronan: That why he’s invited? 

Ali: No, he’s just pretty chill too

Ronan: I don’t reckon he likes that girl Mosey brought over to him

Ali: No, duh, that was just him looking for more ways to piss Johnny off

Ali: sure she’s nice and all but

Ronan: But he don’t bother himself with most girls, now I’m thinking how you said to

Ali: He probably likes someone then, even if it ain’t Carls 💭

Ronan: I can’t remember when he has before last night, ages then

Ali: Don’t tell him, will you, I’m just wondering out loud

Ronan: And me, you’ve started me off

Ali: Don’t 🤯 boy

Ronan: Who else’d he like?

Ronan: [just suggesting some girls it could be lol]

Ali: Do you boys not talk?

Ronan: He don’t talk about that ‘cept to join in with how the others are, might be there’s good reason if he’s after her

Ali: Do you join in?

Ronan: When I have to, there’s no getting out of it some of the time

Ali: Yeah, boys will be boys

Ronan: It’s harmless, more or less

Ali: It’s what you do, anyway

Ronan: Don’t girls?

Ali: Sure, some do

Ronan: Nothing’s been said about you

Ali: I’m not worried about myself, you’re alright

Ali: what’s there to be said, anyway?

Ronan: Carls isn’t worried about herself neither

Ali: Must be all good then

Ronan: Look, I don’t know why you’re off with me for this

Ali: I’m not just change the subject, it’s not your fault

Ronan: What aren’t you telling me?

Ali: I said I wouldn’t 🤐

Ronan: Ali

Ali: Don’t first name me, Mr Serious

Ali: it’s okay, it’s handled

Ronan: Quit your leaving me out of what’s to be handled

Ali: I told you she’s upset with Moses, connect those dots, think of the many reasons that could be

Ali: that’s all you need to know, and why she’s done with him

Ronan: Fuck, who told her?

Ronan: he can’t have done

Ali: Surprisingly not, hardly outside of his remit but nah

Ali: I don’t know, I wasn’t there when she found out

Ronan: She never said where she heard it?

Ali: She doesn’t want a fuss, it’s embarrassing enough

Ronan: Yeah, why she weren’t to know

Ali: If you chat shit, you can’t assume it isn’t going to be heard by other people

Ronan: Jesus, how’s she?

Ali: Crappy, you could try and cheer her up without making it dead obvious you know

Ali: as I can’t get home to be there quick enough

Ronan: I’ll get myself over to see her

Ali: Good man

Ronan: I’ll try, like

Ronan: to be less of a messer

Ali: You’re not the only one

Ronan: Don’t mean it’s cool for me to be one of

Ali: No, not really but it’s your life and your shit to figure out

Ronan: It’s not easy living here

Ali: There’s plenty of expectation

Ronan: Nor having him for a brother, but you know we’re not the same

Ali: Of course, it’s his rating system, not yours

Ronan: I treat her as decent as I can

Ali: I know that too, so does she

Ronan: Are we alright? 

Ali: Yes, we’re all good, Ro

Ronan: I’ll be going to cheer up Carly then

Ali: I appreciate it, I’ll be back Monday, she’s got that planned and booked in

Ronan: I’m gonna be about ‘til work sends me off

Ali: Maybe I’ll see you then, if we happen to catch each other

Ronan: Maybe

Ali: Are we alright?

Ronan: I asked you, how am I to have the answer? I don’t

Ali: I haven’t been judgy about your locker room talk, what you have to do to fit in

Ronan: No, but you’re still mad about it

Ali: I can’t change my worldview to think it’s alright, doesn’t mean we need to fight

Ronan: I can’t fight with all of the lads about theirs, not all the time

Ali: I understand that

Ronan: You don’t, you’ve no clue how it is

Ali: I didn’t say I’ve been through it, I know that you do, the toll it can take

Ronan: There’s just constant grief and aggro for not calling her a whore or wanting her to leave

Ali: You’ve a part to play

Ronan: It was meant to get better for doing what Moses said to on my birthday, but it’s not

Ali: like you said, no one is going to be satisfied until she’s gone

Ronan: Her ma won’t, she’s stuck ‘round this long

Ali: God knows why

Ronan: What am I to do?

Ali: Why would I have the answer? If only, like

Ronan: You’re smart, smarter than me

Ali: I’m not, and it’s about your life and what you have to do for yourself, I couldn’t begin to tell you

Ronan: I’ll go to Carly, it’s all there is to do at the minute

Ali: It’s a start, isn’t it

Ronan: See you Monday, maybe

Ali: I’m sorry you’re stressed out now too, I wish I could help

Ronan: You’ve a point, it’s not your problem

Ali: I didn’t mean it how that sounds, I care, I just don’t know what you can or should do

Ronan: Yeah, I know

Ali: Okay, I’ll let you go then

Ronan: Later, like

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Saturday 14 December 1833

9

..

at 12 last night the water was less rough - took a little claret and water which staid on my stomach and from then to 5 a.m. I 2 or 3 times caught myself awaking from a sort of dream - then (at 5 a.m.) took a little more claret and water and a crumb or 2 of bread, but this last would not do - however my stomach did not revolt and I felt better at 9 when the steward came to tell me Lowestoff [Lowestoft] was in sight - I rose from my bench, washed as well as I could and went on deck at 9 ½ for ½ hour - the morning was fine - the fine sea breeze refreshed me - at 10 took a little cold boiled beef and a bottle of sofa water which tho’ not up and good yet was more grateful to me than perhaps anything else could have been - poor Thomas had been as ill as myself and was just calling out for a chop having had nothing since Thursday morning - on advising him to try cold meat, he chose toasted cheese and bread! Eugenie had had wine and water last night, but was still ill with her companion Mrs. Kroger - on deck all the day - at 2 ½ took a little soup - little more cold boiled beet but no relish for it - some hot apple pie and 2 bottles of soda water - on deck again from 3 ¼ to 9 50 when we lay (3 miles below Gravesend) to as I supposed for the night - we had passed the Nore light and entered the river at 5 40 by my watch and 5 by the captain’s and from soon after entering the river had heaved the lead every 4 or 5 minutes or after - it was latterly very dark - we had ¼ less 4 and once even less still and we were afraid of getting wrong - much craft, too, in the river - the Ostend steamer whose light we had seen like a star soon after passing the Nore, passed us and we hailed her at about 9 ½ - she lay to, just before we did, saying it was too much risk to go on - so I went down had a bottle of soda water and one or 2 of my Paris biscuits finding that I had no relish for the little brandy and water I had just tried - nothing like soda water - turned out my travelling bag and crammed all into it I could - was thinking whether to write or lie down, when I felt all stirring went on deck and found us off again and close to Gravesend at 10 40 (I go all along by my own watch) - some delay in taking the 2 tide-waiters on board - spoke to them - no chance of getting my carriage till Monday - walked about on deck a little while and went down to my cabin for the night at 11 - the Bankes arrived on Thursday and the Superb this morning - the Jolliffe and Tourist will surely arrive tomorrow - we passed this morning the companys’ steamer Ramona bound to Hamburg and a Hull steamer bound from London home - good deal of shipping about all today - several coasters (Scotch and coal smacks) in full sail northwards - a fine West India ship they said bound there for coal before going to the W.I. – after Lowestoff [Lowestoft] Orford town and castle belonging to the M. of Hertford, and Orford ness and the 2 fine lighthouses both belonging to the marquis – said our mail guard, one cannot have better property than light-houses – these very good lights – a great deal of traffic this way – every vessel on reaching port says for every light she has passed – perhaps 20 lights from here to Edinburgh and perhaps a smack pays £2 for the whole – all the light houses under the control of the Trinity board. all alterations etc. prescribed by the board must be done – perhaps about ½ the light houses we have are private property – If tree on the coast has long been a landmark, the owner cannot cut it down without putting up a beacon, or lighthouse, or something – our mail guard very communicative – talks of himself and his brother officers – 4 of them altogether I think he said – were all mates of Harwich packets – he 15 years on the Gothenburg station – even these packets (now the only ones from Harwich) to be given up next spring or next year, and the mails conveyed by the Hamburg vessels, the rest of the way to be by Copenhagen – the captains of the Harwich packets were all appointed by interest and knew of their business – there was once a military man made – the mates had charge of working the vessels – ½ a ton is common weight that weights down a buoy – the beacons are fixed in vessels and these vessels weighted down and thus sunk fast into the sand banks – Norroy? Leadenhall street best for sea charts – chart of the n. sea 7/6 – the nore light said our captain fixed in a ship close to the Nore sand – Southend (n) and the Nore (s) form the entrance into the river there about 3 miles broad – and it is fifty miles from the Nore to London – the Downs extend over the Godwin sands, said our captain – our mail guard said they did not begin till Sandown castle ships not always safe there - very  fine day - and very fine evening and night - fine star light and horned moon light for sometime but when we lay to at 9 50 rather obscure - fine against at Gravesend which looked lighted up in a fine crescent of pairs of lights along the water’s edge - did not feel cold on deck

Told the Hull boat that the London (Hull boat) had put into some port in Norway