#if my activity is sporadic <3 thats why

[wormtiddies]

hi just wanna say if im not consistently active i am ok my life is just. oh it sure is life

[bakatenshii]

[yourfriendlyenby]

appears

yes hi hello I saw ur classpecting hermits post and I have many thoughts,

1. voidrot mumbo is So Good like genuinely i feel people dont touch on the troll lore hiveswap gave us all that much so to see it has me frothing at the mouth

2. rainbow drinker Cleo is just so cool, Cleo gets to glow, as a treat OH AND with purpleblood joe they could have an agreement where joe from a moral stand point doesnt like killing but like feferi hes okay with doing it out of necessity and to help a friend (which in turn helps him but he doesnt like to think about it)

3. okay I'm going to seem like im just saying this bc yellow is impulses thing but goldblood impulse would honestly make more sense? mostly because he is a redstoner before builder and hes not the best at pvp (applicable bc indigobloods are known for strength over most other things) also as a nod to s8 his colors could be purple and yellow

3b. actually tbh the longer I think about it the more okay I am with him being an indigoblood actually but I still wanna throw my 2 cents out there

4. scar should be an oliveblood purely because certain bloods tend to have certain lusii and his lusii should be a big jellie also because I think it fits trickster personality :]

5. TEALBLOOD CUB Bro. tealblood cub thats so smart and Perfect I literally cannot explain how much i love that cub has Strong tagora vibes so it just Fits

okay anywyas sorry for just. dropping a shit ton of words on u I was hyperfixated on homestuck for like at least 4 years then hermitcraft for the last 2 so my brain just went crazy

Oh dang uhh

First of all thanks for sending me an ask since I don't usually have those XD I'll put a somewhat organized list of my thoughts and such

I added voidrot Mumbo not because I was going through Hiveswap lore but because I was going through Subgrubs and Snazzards since someone in the tags of my post told me about that, and as soon as I read that description I was like "oh Mumbo definitely sounds like someone who'd say 'I'm dying constantly all the time' not even as a troll just in general"

I added rainbow drinker Cleo because 1) rainbow drinkers are described as like vampires and vampires are undead, and so are zombies so yeah. 2) because yeah Cleo deserves to glow and drink blood as a treat. Idk too much about what you said about Joe so I'm just gonna nod and smile

Now with Impulse I'd have to agree a bit about how he'd be gold since that's sort of his color as well as being sort of tech-based, but 1) I tried using the gold color given when I was trying to draw characters and oh my gosh why is it like that I want to use it as sparingly as possible I need help in a good shade, 2) I wanted to reference the original fanart in my post and Impulse was an indigoblood there. Obviously there are better reasons but I'm not too far deep into Homestuck to know what they are

Olivebloods are stated to be more comfortable with things they are familiar with and are alarmed by new ideas. We never see this in Scar, he actively embraces changes to keep things fresh each season. And indigobloods are actually stated to be sporadic and change often, careless, and surprise friends often which are all things we see in Scar a LOT. And also they said that, and I quote, "being around a well-adjusted indigoblood is always a good time" which I mean like. Cmon. I can't say no to that. Although I will say the whole lusus thing might've swayed me a little but shhhhhhh we can make our own canon and I didn't have time to think of lusus and also they had a trend to just die a lot and I don't want that for Jellie soooo

I literally just based off tealblood Cub after the original fanart I have no idea what tealblood's deal is, so if anyone has an idea as to why tealblood Cub is good please let me know

Anyways, for putting up with my rambling, have a wip for something I'm doing for 413 :D

[fox-steward]

hi, not sure if this blog is active bc im on mobile but you seem v knowledgeable so i hope you are. i have a question if thats ok. ive been id'ing as ftm trans/nb for about 6 years now but havent rlly been able to come out to many ppl or transition at all so im still largely presenting as female. i wouldnt rlly call myself gender critical or anything like that, but i know transitioning is a long & difficult process and im wondering if there is a way to alleviate my dysphoria without going (1/2)

“thru all that. i dont want to transition only to realize that i dont feel better and there was an easier way. in other words, id like to rule out any possibility that im not trans before medically investing in being trans. any chance you have any advice for me? (2/2)”

hey there—still active, if sporadic.

when it comes to healing from dysphoria, there’s no cure-all, no hidden path to healing that you’ve simply yet to uncover. just as there’s no way to guarantee transition will make you happy, there’s no opposite guarantee either. i can only share some of the stuff that has worked for me and some of the hardships i uncovered about living as trans, which i hope you find helpful.

what helps me?

get clear with yourself about what you believe about gender, ideologically. i personally feel, if my beliefs do not stand up to critical thought, if they cannot be supported by rational arguments, then those beliefs are not worth holding on to and i need to let them go. this is what happened to me WRT transness, gender, and all that.

start small—what is gender? is gender innate? do we have gendered souls? how could we have gendered souls if gender is a social construct? okay, so we can’t have gendered souls, so what is gender, if not innate? is gender the social expectations and norms attached to the two sexes? is it possible to break those roles and expectations? does breaking those roles and expectations change anyone’s sex? no—males can behave in typically feminine ways and females in typically masculine ways and that does nothing to change their sex. so what would conceivably make someone (or myself) trans? inhabiting the social roles and expectations of the gender associated with the opposite sex. since we already established that gender isn’t innate and we don’t have gendered souls, there’s no merit in the “born in the wrong body” narrative; it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. we each get one body, no matter how we change it. but if i wasn’t born in the wrong body, why do i feel so uncomfortable with mine, especially with the sexed aspects of it? if you’re female, the likely culprit is misogyny. you don’t actually have to hate women on a conscious level to be suffering from internalized misogyny. we live in a misogynistic world, it saturates everything. if you’re female, it affects almost every factor of how you move through this world—how people treat you, what opportunities you’re given, which behaviors are encouraged for you and which are discouraged, etc. if you are inclined to prefer masculinity—for whatever reason—society will encourage this in males and discourage it in females. having your way of being subtly discouraged all the time can easily lead to feeling disconnected from your body, perhaps even hating it, especially since you know that your way of being would be ENCOURAGED if only your body were male. and that’s when many of us encounter trans ideology that tells us we CAN be male—in fact, we actually were all along! all we have to do is change our bodies drastically with lifelong medication and surgery, all we have to do is trade money and time and health to convincingly imitate the opposite sex—THEN society will finally recognize that our way of being is okay—because we were actually masculine MEN all along, it was simply our female bodies obscuring that. does this feel like a good or healthy trade to you? it doesn’t to me, but i can’t make these decisions for you.

there IS an important caveat, a shortcut that bypasses this bad trade entirely—and that’s realizing that your way of being is ALREADY okay. masculine females and feminine males are healthy and good. it’s not always easy to comfortably BE that way in a society that does not embrace masculinity in women and femininity in men, but the solution is not to change your self, it’s to change the society. and the only way you can do that is by carving out that path—BE a masculine female/woman and you’ll show little girls today that there’s a place for them in this world.

i did try out the trade for myself, however, and i learned a few things you might find useful—maybe these lessons i learned can save you the time and money and pain i’ve already spent.

1) you never actually change sex. you’re always chasing the aesthetic imitation of the opposite sex with transition, but never becoming the opposite sex. in this and so many other ways, transition never ends.

2) passing is conditional. when your sense of self is predicated upon others seeing you a certain way, it can be taken from you in a second. i could be treated like one of the guys for a year, until one of them finds out i was born female. now that he knows, he cannot unknow. now my experience is tied to how he sees me—does he see me as a woman now that he knows? is he comfortable with me in the locker room? it was stressful and uncomfortable for others to have this level of control over my experience of the world and of myself. it’s also out of my control whether he decides to lend manhood to me now—will he use male pronouns with me? will he call me a woman? will he out me to the others? will he sexualize me or sexually assault me based on my female body?

3) as stated above, transition never ends. no matter how well you pass, transition always requires maintenance. you’ll need bloodwork as long as you’re on hormones—that’s time and money you wouldn’t have otherwise spent. you’ll need supplies for your hormone shots—time and money you wouldn’t have spent. there will be instances where you need to disclose your trans status, thus repeating the coming out process infinitely—doctors or EMTs, new intimate partners, friends. this process is exhausting and othering, it’s an ever-present reminder of the fact that you’re trans.

4) medical transition is expensive in terms of money and heath. taking hormones is always a risk. there’s potential for: cardiovascular risk associated with testosterone, vaginal atrophy and sexual side effects, changes to mood (some for the better, some worse), not liking how hormones change your body. then there’s the financial aspect. in the USA at least, this costs money—money for doctor’s visits, money for the hormones themselves, money for the supplies to administer them. there’s risk in any surgery—risk of death or serious complication, loss of function and sensation, improper healing, chronic pain. and of course, the monetary cost associated with surgery. removing the uterus can have lifelong consequences—early onset dimentia, lifelong need for synthetic hormones, osteoporosis.

5) there is no “actually trans.” there’s no meaningful distinction between “true trans” people and others. trans people transition and identify as trans. their dysphoria isn’t any different than mine was. there’s no method for parsing “real dysphoria” from something else. transness is an ideology. i liken it to religion. there are no “real christians” and fake christians, there are only people who believe and those who don’t. that’s the salient difference between myself (detransitioner) and trans people—belief. and if something requires me to believe in it to be real...well that’s a good indication it probably isn’t.

good luck out there. these are heavy questions and weighty struggles. there’s no harm in focusing on other aspects of your life when you’re having trouble answering Big Gender Questions. rooting for you.

[ask-the-party-god]

Ask The Party God - Timeline

the pre-terezi-gang timeline post is here

height references over here

hi, im jade! everyones favorite party goddess and trans doggy girl~ but you already know that! if youre reading this, it means youre interested in learning more about my reality, because paradox space is fucking weird like that and you cant really be sure all the time

as far as im aware, everything up to the point where we beat the game happened without deviations from the alpha timeline? so this is what rose has talked about as a ‘terminal timeline’, or ‘post-canon’, or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean

we got to earth-c, and i settled in the troll kingdom because trolls are cool, dave and karkat were in the neighborhood, and the caverns are close by so i can visit rose and kanaya speedily as well! i still do have my old tower out on an island, with my workshop and garden, but i almost never sleep in it, too far away and isolated from everyone...

then one day i found this old active server in the furthest ring keeping tumblr active and i thought, hey, why not have some fun? ;D

as for the others...

my darling sis june egbert! she lives in the consort kingdom, but has been thinking about relocating elsewhere lately! she went through a rough patch right after the game, unsure of what to do and full of all sorts of doubts and questions, but shes doing a lot better nowadays! specially now that terezi is back, shes been a lot more peppy and hanging around with the lalondes particularly!

rose rose rose rose~ happily married to her wife kanaya, duh, but that doesnt make her any less of a flirty cutie! a while back she got really sick for a bit, and weve been keeping an eye on her just in case it happened again, but its been all good ever since! she helps kanaya at the caverns a bunch, which makes her schedule busy busy... and you didnt hear this from me, buuuut words out on the street that she and kanaya may be warming to the idea of having a kid! <3 well see how that goes!

one cool dude~ daves a little bit of a shut-in honestly! and honestly i dont blame him? he must be tired after all the timeline and time travel shenanigans, so he spends a good chunk of his time hanging out in his and karkats house! hes kind of awkward about opening up with feelings and stuff, and ive been trying to nudge him to be more open for a while! but with all the craziness thats been going down lately, and more people coming and going and getting together, hes starting to consider things he hadnt before~ hopefully, some specific someones? ;)

janey! my uh... ecto-mom, technically, although we see each other more like cousins than anything else! she still owns crockercorp, but ever since jasprose has been around, she has been spending a lot more time at home and just hanging out with her friends, which really, sounds a lot healthier than the big business thing she had going on a while back! she enjoys teaching me baking stuff, but doesnt have much patience for my decorating skills ;p

grandpa! and grandson technically, hehe, jakes kind of a weird case, hes a mixture of a shut-in, a celebrity and an adventurer! he can spend up to weeks at a time without leaving his manor, but then hell have full weeks of interviews and hiking, and thats not to say anything of when he and dirk put out another episode or two of their dumb comedy talkshow... hes often busy with stuff, but hes still a good pal and can clear his schedule in seconds if we need him for something!

one sweet nb dude! rox really is... something else, really! fun to tag along at a party, fun to chill at home playing games, fun to talk about more serious stuff and open up with him, he really is just solid as they come! hes been hanging out a lot more with june since she got out of her depressive slump, but sometimes i wonder if junebug finds weird to get flirty with roxy, considering im pretty sure we made out in front of her at some point or two... hehehe

dirk! if daves a bit of a shut-in, hes a shut-in times two, which is weird because youd think someone stuck in post-apocalyptic earth for so long would want to hang out more? not to say he DOESNT, though! hes around jake often enough, and keeps close to jane, roxy and dave specially! we dont see each other too often, but we HAVE been messing around with robots and planning out to upgrade our respective self-bots for funsies!

aradia! we only met briefly in dreams for the longest time, but i knew already that she was a riot! she came with terezis group after she finally found vriska, and seems pretty happy just... kind of... being around and watching shenanigans ensue! i actually dont know where she lives, but she drops by occasionally, because im apparently pretty ‘fun’... cant say i disagree ;)

sollux is blind, and not dead, and WILL kick you in the shins if you keep prying about how exactly he ended up like that, which is fair enough! he spends a good chunk of his time with aradia, and im not sure if theyre dating or not...? but hes been around the other trolls a bunch! specially kanaya, apparently theyre good friends that go way back! i guess they both DO style their hair similarly, with the side spike thingies...

the other half of the dave-kat duo! swooooon~ really though, i cant remember the last time i said “dave” or “karkat” without talking about the other shortly after... buuut theyre just roomies, and hell get awkward and grumpy if you even so slightly IMPLY otherwise, despite the fact everyone knows they fall asleep leaning against each other during friday movie night! roooolling my eyes~ with the rest of the living trolls having arrived, hes been a lot more willing to go outside, which im glad for! its healthy to get some fresh air from time to time, and specially hang out with friends!

oh-la-la, miss maryam-lalonde herself! kanayas the matriarch of the caverns, and quite the busy gal, having taken it upon herself to supervise her entire species reproduction and well-being... in my opinion, she needs a good vacation from time to time, and to be less of a workaholic! >:o ive been helping her occasionally in the caverns, and as of late weve begun trying to mess around with ectobiology for some troll-human crossing experiments with... not good results so far... but hey, rome wasnt built in a day!

terezis back, yes! after spending YEARS out there looking for vriska, she managed to find her and come back, the madwoman! personally im not sure why anyone would go to such lengths for... her... but also, its not my bond, not my place to speak, she obviously really loves her a bunch! with vriska no longer lost in the middle of the furthest ring, shes started to catch up with everything going on with earth-c, and i think shes really going to like being around! specially with how much june and the rest have missed her ;)

troublemaker extraordinaire herself! shes... well, shes vriska, im pretty sure she stole that eyepatch from sollux? so you just know she up to no good already >:/ speaking of her eyepatch, im not sure WHY shes wearing it? whatever kinda wound she got, she doesnt like mentioning it, despite bragging about defeating english at every chance she gets! terezi says they found her popping in and out of consciousness in the furthest ring with some messy wounds, and that shed probably been hovering out there after the fight for years... doesnt seem to have humbled her in the slightest <.<

callieeeee! theyre super sweet and wonderful but also really shy and awkward! they live with roxy but manage to outdo dirk in terms of shut-in-ness... they also totally like roxy but is unsure about approaching those feelings considering the whole species thing and whatever, ive been trying to get them to open up for a while now! weve written fanfic together and drawn grids, so i can definitely tell theres some attraction there, even if theyre afraid of acting upon it just yet <3

jaspie is roses bane, and the one cat that made me get used to their smell enough that i dont bark at them instantly anymore! im pretty sure she crashes at janes often, and is just as outgoing and flirty as i am around earth-c parties and bars, which is saying something honestly! i wont let her dethrone me as the party god, though >:)

and finally davepeta! theyre staying with june for the time being until they can get settled around and see what they want to do here! theyve also dropped by dave and karkats a bunch, which i most certainly dont mind! i definitely appreciate some help in bringing a romantic vibe into those twos lives~ ;o

and thats about it! theres also the nannasprites and tavrosprite and arquius, but they pop by so sporadically and rarely that i dont know what theyre doing a majority of the time... we lost track of gamzee after the session so hopefully hes totally gone, and we havent heard any message from caliborn in years... and with the furthest ring broken and the black hole sealed, leaving a weird white empty space right in the middle of reality, im not sure what our chances of bringing back the other trolls are :( but still, we keep living on happily over here and having our fun slice of life ending together!

id say after everything weve gone through, we deserve a big break, dont we? hehehe <3

also, particularly important events that happen and are recorded in this blog will be tagged as timeline shenanigans!

[milk-lover]

Easy Ass Bread

During this void in space/time we refer to as Quarantine, I have decided to tackle my greatest baking fear: yeasted bread. Now, after a few months of sporadic baking frenzies, I have come here to this hell site to share my findings. I am in no way a bread baking expert; there are a lot of variables that go into good bread, and I’m honestly not that good of a baker to begin with, but I have made a few discovers that have led to me being more or less satisfied with the resulting loaves. So without further ado, here is Aud’s Recipe for Easy Ass Bread. (Under the cut to avoid LONG POST tm)

3 cups (360 g) Bread Flour

1.5 teaspoon salt 

2 teaspoons (7 g) Instant Yeast (or 2.5 t (8.5 g) Active Dry Yeast)

2 Tablespoons (27 g) Olive Oil (I sometimes use Avocado instead)

1 cup (250 g) water

somewhat specialized things that make it easier, but aren’t 100% necessary: pizza stone, cast iron skillet, spray bottle, wire rack

Combine the flour and the salt. Dissolve the yeast in the water (if you are using Active Dry Yeast, warm up abt 1/4 cup of the water to 110F (43C), or to about bath temperature, add in a small teaspoon of sugar, stir in the yeast, and leave 10-15 minutes, until the yeast starts bubbling, then add that to the rest of the water and continue as normal). Add the yeasty water and the oil into the flour and stir it together with a wooden spoon (or, like, your hands, it doesn’t matter). Once it starts coming together, dump it out on your (clean!!!) work surface, and knead it together until it is more or less smooth (i do 8 minutes but it might be more or less depending on your level of rage). Then, shape it into a ball and put it in a bowl or tuppaware large enough for it to expand by about 1.5 times its size. Cover it tightly and put it in the fridge at least overnight, and up to about 4 days, opening the lid once a day to let out the built up CO2. 

The next day (or whenever you decide to bake it), take out the dough, shape it into a ball, and place it on a piece of parchment paper. Oil a piece of plastic wrap and cover it, then let it come up to room temperature. Preheat the oven to as hot as it can go (mine does 500F), with a pizza stone on a bottom rack, and a cast iron skillet on the top, with plenty of space in between the two. Let the dough rise for about half an hour, while the oven preheats, then remove the plastic wrap, and spritz the dough with water. Slide the parchment paper directly onto the pizza stone (with the dough still on it, obviously). Pour about an inch of water into the cast iron skillet, and spray more water on the walls and floor of the oven, and then close the oven, and reduce the heat to 450F (230C). Bake until the sides of the loaf start browning, then CAREFULLY!!! remove the cast iron, and switch the oven to broil, and bake until the top of the loaf is deeply browned. Remove the loaf from the oven and cool on a wire rack. Once cooled, ENJOY!!

Now, this is definitely not the best bread recipe in the world. But it does definitely scratch the “I really want crusty, chewy bread” itch that I was feeling, and its also hecka satisfying to make (plus, kneading bread is a great way to get out some excess rage at the state of the world). This recipe specifically is the result of me trying out a ton of recipes and figuring out all the cut corners and short cuts I can take and still have a decent loaf at the end of it.

If you don’t have a pizza stone, you can bake it on a regular baking sheet, but it won’t cook as nicely. You can also use a different container than a cast iron skillet for the water, but I like to use one bc it can get nice and hot all by itself in the oven without cracking or warping, unlike say a glass or aluminum container. 

(Some explanation for why some things are like they are if you’re curious:

You want to wait for Active Dry Yeast to bubble up (aka ‘Proof’ it) before using it bc you need to check that its still alive. You can technically do that with Instant as well, but Active Dry Yeast is put through a harsher treatment to make it shelf stable (? I think) so its more popular to proof it just in case. 

If you don’t put this dough in a big enough container, it Will Explode all over your fridge trust me I Know From Experience.

The longer the dough is in the fridge, the more time the yeast has to Get Busy and make the Funky Yeast flavors. The low temp + long rest = many fun flavor. A quicker (1.5 ish hour), warmer (room temp) rest would also be fine in a pinch, but it would be less fun yeast flavor. I don’t do more than 4 days, however, bc it also changes the texture of the dough a lot, and makes the loaf flatter. I don’t know the Real Science why, though, I only know bread.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You gotta put the pizza stone in the oven BEFORE preheating bc that heats it up gradually. Rapid temperature change can cause it to crack. (also dont like.. put it directly into the fridge after bc it Will crack and also why would you do that?? basically no rapid temp change ok)

The pizza stone helps the oven retain a lot more heat (you basically make a mini oven within the oven its great) and more heat = better bread. I don’t know the real science but it happens ok trust me. 

The reason for all the cast iron w water and spraying the loaf w water and spraying the oven is bc Bread needs STEAM! Real bread ovens have steamers in them but we don’t have one o those so we gotta improvise! Steam causes the hard cronchy crust on the bread which is practically the best part so if you can maximize the amount of steam you introduce to the environment while minimizing the amount of heat the oven loses, thats poggers. 

Also I know we all wanna eat that chhronchy bread straight outta the oven, but you gotta let it cool down for like at least 20 minutes bc if you tear/cut into it while its still hot you’ll ruin the texture and like the yeast did so much work to make the bubbly texture don’t ruin it for them.

Alright gamers i’m out have fun w bread lov u) 

[shattered-catalyst]

So this  isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this  because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it. 

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it. 

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period.  It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

 I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients.  During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.  

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*.  She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything. 

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry,  and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life. 

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning. 

 I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

 I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

 Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are. 

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

[lesbian-octoling]

Absence Notice!

Starting Wednesday morning, I’m leaving for my annual family trip to Wisconsin!! If you didn't know, I live in Florida, and we’re driving up to my cottage like we do every year.

What that means is i will be busy packing and getting ready for the next few days, and then we will be leaving! Art and asks will come in sporadically for a week or so, and once I get there, stop almost altogether, since we don’t have wifi or service up in the middle of nowhere.

So, for about 2-3 weeks starting wednesday, asks and art and overall activity will be nearly halted! Sorry if I’m late to respond or whatever, thats why.

[debonairafrik]

  A century ago, many laws and societal attitudes made women faced barriers and prejudice throughout society but today, the narrative is Changing.

Significantly, It is important for black girls to see powerful images of other black women in the media and equally important for creatives most especially African or black creatives to create imagery of the black women in a positive light.

Not only does this help the black girl to accept her blackness, but it is also important for helping them understand and authenticate their identity as Africans. The whitewashing in Hollywood and other media giants has led to the erasure of black culture and has led to a black identity crisis and self-esteem issues with more and more black people wanting European features because of its normalization and acceptance especially in the media. It is therefore up to Black creatives to create content that celebrates African identity.

Representation in fashion is a great way of overcoming black culture erasure. As seen in previous years, Caucasian features dominated the spreads and the runway. This is however slowly changing with more and more black women making a name in the industry.

  Over the last years, the fashion industry in Ghana is becoming more competitive and creative with brilliant women designers, models, photographers, stylists and other creatives arriving on the scene and creating content and imagery especially for Ghanaian women to push their narrative just like our previous Issue on BODY ACCEPTANCE. This has led to a shift from the norm of styling for the male gaze to something much more powerful; content that celebrates the identity of the Ghanaian woman.  Fashion and Design in Ghana have seen significant and positive changes with more women entering into the industry and shaking things up. The country has seen women designers like Vanessa Harrison, Diva Delicious, Ajapomaa, Charlotte Prive, BellEdu, Christie Brown and many others taking the industry by storm. This has proved very important for representation because not only is it brilliant women creating content but also as fellow Ghanaian women, they take into consideration, the style needs of the average Ghanaian woman.

Aside designers, they are ambitious, confident and glamorous young women who are making a name for themselves in the Creative industry just like our Cover girl Mame Adjei

Maame Adjei is one such lady. She is a Ghanaian-American model and DJ who got her big break in the entertainment industry shortly after college where she studied political science, African studies and Economics. Raised in Ghana and Switzerland and later relocating to the US has exposed Maame Adjei to different cultures and has made her understand and appreciate all cultures. Her most notable accomplishments include starring in the 23rd cycle of Tyra Banks hit show America’s Next Top Model, winning Miss Maryland USA 2015 and placing among Top 5 in the Miss USA Beauty Pageant. Since relocating to Los Angeles, Maame Adjei is now a top model with Next Management and has Ad campaigns on billboards and commercials for brands such as Samsung, inter, Pandora Jewellery, Walmart and Lexus among others. Inspired by her travels, Maame Adjei developed an immense passion for social justice and hopes to use her growing platform to empower young women through teaching tools for personal and professional development by way of her non-profit organization.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE GROWING UP?

    OUTFIT BY STEVE FRENCHIE

  I grew partly in Switzerland, Ghana, and the US, so I felt very apart from the culture of all of these places. But because I was exposed to so many people and cultures at an early age, I never knew where I fit in. I had really learned a strong sense of self very early on to navigate the world. Besides that, I was blessed.

AT WHAT POINT IN YOUR LIFE DID MODELING BECOME A CENTER STAGE?

Modelling finally took centre stage for me and became a full-time gig when i finally decided to pursue it seriously after graduating college 4 years ago. I needed to see how far I could push my “what-if” dream! And so far its been amazing!

  DURING YOUR TIME IN AMERICAN’S NEXT TOP MODEL, WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?

My greatest achievement on ANTM was probably learning how strong of a competitor I was. I learned that I am not one to give up easily and I win at the end (not only in the show but in Life!). I was the only model besides Yaya who won the majority of the challenges in one season!

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE REPUTABLE BRANDS YOU HAVE WORKED FOR?

I have had the blessing to work with many brands including Rihanna’s SavagexFenty, TyraBeauty, Samsung, Intel, Diesel Jeans, Urban Decay cosmetics, Smashbox, Lexus and so much more than I am proud of. ( smile )

  OUTFIT BY KORLEKIE

LIFE AFTER THE REALITY SHOW?

Life after the reality show has been great. I am not defined or limited by the show in any way so I continue to make moves in the direction of my dreams!

I have been living and working in LA and always travelling/ living sporadically in London, Capetown, and New York.

.WHAT’S YOUR VIEW ON DIVERSITY IN THE MODELING INDUSTRY?

Diversity in the modelling industry is slightly fake to me because I feel as though they go with the societal wave. If more people in the real world are active about seeking all kinds of representation, they’ll notice and go with the wave, and employ models in that group to make it seem as though they are inclusive, when really, to them its a trend. For example, gender-fluid/edgy models are becoming more and more “popular” after activism to have the world recognize people who identify as such with more respect have happened.

DO YOU HAVE PLANS ON MOVING BACK HOME TO EMBARK ON ANY PROJECTS?

I definitely want to spend more time in Ghana than I have in the past. I have a lot of hope that opportunity will arise for me to make my mark in the Ghanaian fashion industry, and I would love to embark on that journey sooner rather than later.

OUTFIT BY DIVA DELICIOUS

ARE YOU A FEMINISTS? HOW IS THE CONCEPT OF FEMINISM AFFECTING OUR CULTURE AND MORALS? 

I am definitely a feminist. I consider myself a champion for women and women’s issues. The concept of feminism has affected our culture as of late with the onset of so many different causes and movements such as #metoo & #timesup that is slowly ending the ways in which women had been seen and dealt with in society. We are claiming our power, rewriting narratives, and shaking the status quo up! Even just 5 years ago, I would have never imagined that so many women could run and win for office in the US! And look where we are!? The times we live in is beautiful.

WHO ARE THÉ 3 AFRICAN WOMEN THATS INSPIRES YOU AND WHY?

Three (3) African women that inspire me are Bozoma Saint John because she literally is a badass in her field! She had gone from an exec at Apple to Uber to WME and has done so gracefully all while putting on for Ghana unapologetically. What’s not to admire?

Second is Lupita Nyongo because she is effortlessly beautiful and Uber-talented as an actress and I admire her love for her craft and above all intellect and inspirational spirit.

Third, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie because she is a dope badass feminist writer that champions for all things women! And I’m in love with her presence.

The cowries in the old days were used as a medium of échange. It’s also believed that it brings Money, Luck and prosperity. It was used as money for trading in Africa countries centuries Back.

WHAT’S ARE YOUR FUTURE ASPIRATIONS?

Along with modelling, I am working on a few projects including a female collective called Nuit Noire which aims to highlight female artistry within the diaspora population abroad, and it’s been gaining traction as I throw events at which I DJ! so its been fun. I am also going to continue to work on my non-profit org and hope to run a few businesses on the side as well! so look out 😉

TO ALL UP AND COMING MODELS WHAT FEW WORDS DO YOU HAVE FOR THEM?

Stay true to yourself. do not let the industry change you as a person. YOU WILL WIN when it’s your time; just stay prayed up and watch the blessings come down.

IF YOU ARE TO ADVICE AFRICAN WOMEN, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

I would tell fellow African women to know and embrace their power. Not to continue to adhere to the cultural and gender norms of the past that may have kept them from going after all their dreams!

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FEMME EN FORCE WITH TOP MODEL MAMA ADEJI A century ago, many laws and societal attitudes made women faced barriers and prejudice throughout society but today, the narrative is Changing. 1,485 more words

[herzspalter]

Hello Herz :3. I was the Anon who asked the Impactor/Wreckers question... It was a rather long time ago and I don't want so sound rude, really! I just wanted to know if you oversee or maybe ignored the question? If yes thats okay! I just wanted to know if you are going to answer the question or not. It's all right if not! You are a Art Blog and not Headcanon blog after all xD. Just wanted to know though.

Hello, Lovely Anon! I got your message and I remember, you had asked for a description of Impactor’s characteristics and how the relationships/behaviours among the Wreckers went, yes? I didn’t ignore the question, no worries! I am sadly very easily overwhelmed and I only get very sporadic spurts of energy where I can reply to people, so I’m very sorry for the delay ;w;

I have such a moment of energy right now so I will write an answer as well as I can! I’m not a Wreckers expert (I would point you to a friend of mine who is a big Impactor fan and knows way more about him than I do, but they’re not active on tumblr atm) but personally, I think of Impactor as someone with a blunt habit of speech who is quick to do bad, violent things, because while he doesn’t want to do bad things, he does them the moment he decides there’s no other way. Pre-war Impactor is more of a bar fighting type of guy in my opinion who has a good friend in Megatron, even if he’s not that great at showing how much he values their friendship, which he regrets thoroughly later on. 

As for the Wreckers, Springer has always been my Main Wrecker, he’s whom I think of when I think of Wreckers and he has a heroic leader attitude to him, just a lot more violent and brash. Kup is like a second-in-command in my opinion, he’s got Springer’s back at all times and can be relied on. I know Impactor is also a main wrecker but he’s messed up a lot, which is why I only consider him one in the very early days.

I’m honestly not very good with Wreckers dynamics, it’s not a team I spend a lot of time with writing etc, but I recommend sticking to Last Stand of the Wreckers and Sins of the Wreckers-characterizations, they’re the best in my opinion! I hope this helps a bit!

[tamablepumpkin]

One of these get to know you memes

Tagged by @gracesinsanity

1.Nicknames:  Pingu, was my highschool nick name and its stuck arround ^_^

2.Gender: male

3.Star sign: sag

4.Height: 194cm? 6'4"

5.Time: 10:12

6.Birthday: late november

7.Favorite band(s): panic at the disco, the rent movie sound track, the 2012? Les mis sound track

8.Favorite solo artist(s): Ed Sheran, CRJ

9.Song stuck in my head: on my own by Samantha Barkes

10.Last movie I watched: it was either shreck the halls or the Madagascar christmas special?? I dont remember what order i watched them

11.Last show I watched: hodini and doyle

12.When did I make my blog: ummmmmm 2011? I didnt use it very much then and i had a like 5 year hiatus

13.What do I post: all kinds of sporadically tagged garbage, lots of TAZ, Whatever i happe. To be watching and also lots of pretty night photography

14.last thing i googled: griffin mcelroy plant hire

15.Do I have any other blogs: yep, @doyoubelievenaliens is the most active one, ex files and pining about dumb crushes

16. Do I get asks: I occasionaly get "annons" when i post ask games

17. Why did I chose this url: its an autogenerated XBox live gamer tag from.... a long time ago

18.Following: i cant check that without leaving this post but like 500 ish

19.Followers: dito as above but somewhete between 120 and 200

21. Average Hours of Sleep: 6-12

22.Lucky number: 30?

23.Instruments: i wish

24.What am I wearing: well its 25 degrees at half 10 and i live alone

26.Dream job: design engineer for Flight controll systems

27.Dream trip: the british isles, Canada, Europe, anywhere thats not australia

28.Favorite food: i am a chubby boy there isnt much i dont like

29.Nationality: Australian convict's son

30.Favourite season: autumn, its pretty, a nice temperature and the plants arenty trying to reproduce with my nose

People to tag:

@ilulinati @mayannafey @afoxnamedmulder @charmayder @oceanbreathessalty19 @peanut2509 @pigeonsaregayculture @mars what the hell is your url again???? @witchofeindor

Feel no preasure id just be curious

[frankincenseisnotamonster]

The Rise

EXPECT IT! 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

DEETS:  

Today is the day we investigate. 

“Then one day you realized you would still be fighting duels, 

That you don’t just wake up changed, 

Your fight for change is in all the work, 

In every micro adjustment you make,

Every time you learn a new chord progression, 

It’s in the days your pinky slowly becomes more mobile, 

In accepting each setback after each triumph, 

And taking refuge, 

And feeling a sense of solace, 

That it is all practice, 

Practice in not betraying yourself, 

Practice in being soft, 

Practice in injuring the patriarchy, 

Practice in holding up up one more stair for the womxn who will come after, 

Gazing up at the infinite spiral, hoping for a better chance for the next generations, 

A view from the summit, 

That’s why you practice, 

That’s why you fight, 

That’s a reason to rock.” 

What a wild time to be alive. This shelter in place has been stressful and devastating for so many, and while there is suffering I am grateful for the pause. I have been practicing more guitar and yoga, and doing shadow work. Shadow work refers to a type of psychology that examines the shadow, part of ourselves we may try to hide or deny. Hi ego, hey shame, welcome back pride, you never really left though right, I accept you selfishness, oh judgement my old friend. 

Stuff like that, I don’t want to look at it, but that’s a gift of time, like the universe saying, “oh I see you have a lot to work on, well you gon work on it now!” 

And I feel personal work, shadow work, inner work are important for activism and helping others, so you can meet community from a place of deep awareness. This is important. 

It’s strange similar to the guitar battles, this quarantine, this time is making me face my self. Like I’M REALLY FACING MYSELF! And this is hard, but it is strangely enjoyable. I’m thankful for the privilege to be able to look at myself as a complex, imperfect human being. I feel like I am going through a dark night of the soul over here, but maybe thats what I’m always doing. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am thinking of my upcoming guitar battle, the 3rd one, the last one. And to go forward I want to take a moment to go back to what I post 2 years ago in May 2018: 

Over the course of about 5 years I ran into 3 guys that I had different experiences with, but all of them left me very changed and usually for the better.

I was lovely lonely and wanted attention so I reluctantly ran towards guys who wouldn’t and couldn’t give me affection. But this wasn’t all true.

I wanted what was unavailable because I didn’t want to face myself. And the problem with attention is that you cannot have enough. I ran to the wrong people to run away from myself.

After many tears, waking up at 6 am, doing things I wasn’t proud of, manic, and out of breath what I remembered was guitar. I think what we seek out and what we envy says a lot about us.

And what I noticed about all these dudes was how much fun they seemed to be having playing guitar. So I try to listen to my envy now, my difficult parts, the hyena. Walk with your hyena.  I want do what I admire others for doing.

So instead of running to guys with guitar, I will try to be a girl with a guitar running to myself. But is that really such a good idea?

Looking at this is so fun, because even though I am still doing lots of work on myself and on guitar. This is the time to do it, and I am learning again and again how to run to myself in the most authentic and true way for me.

 I still do things I am not proud of, but things do knock me down like they used to, trespasses make me laugh, I’m walking with my hyena, accepting the hard parts of myself and I’m having fun playing guitar!  I know the more I learn the more fun I’ll have. 

One of my dear friends was married recently, and although the wedding that was planned couldn’t happen, like the rebels we are my group of friends created a small event for the married couple! This was really special to me because my band mate and I got to play some music for them and create a special song just for them. When I think back to a few years ago maybe I could have done a play or something I don’t know! But now I can make and play music, I can give a special gift to my friend who has been in life for 16 years!  Even if I am not that good yet, it truly warms my heart that I can give in that way, especially to the important people in my life. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The joy I have been able to experience because of playing guitar only happened because I let hard things happen so I am thankful for the hard things too even as I work on them. 

Some area of darkness I have been focusing on are self-sabotage and self- betrayal. In my first guitar battle and before 2019 I was really focused  on undoing societal messaging, undoing the toxic norms I was internalizing from capitalism and the patriarchy. In this revolution, in 2019 and 2020 I got more feedback from 2nd guitar battle and beyond. 

Now I am digging into what I like to think of as a 2nd ring of conditioning, parental experiences, and how they play out in my life.  There’s some generational healing especially around addiction. I have a lot more empathy now for those struggling with addiction. Addiction is the kind of god that makes your knees  tremble, the human-ness in me has reverence for something that can take your soul so completely. 

One of my good friends shared a poem with my a few years ago by Portia Nelson that reminds me how the process of moving through self-betrayal or bad habits, doesn’t happen fast, it doesn’t happen easily and will just look like small changes over time that can add up to a hard won new behavior. 

I love this poem so much. I cry every time I read it. The chapters acknowledge the process, and shows the change in how we take responsibility for and ultimately give love to ourselves. I’m at like Chapter 3 now, and looking forward to 4. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of my other wonderful and lovely friends said to me some words, that I am like a detective investigating and I was like wow I relate to that so much. All this work I like to look at, as if I am solving a big mystery. The only big mystery is reconnecting to myself when I really think about it, and a lot is life work, like all our lives just letting it all be a fun mystery party. 

As I investigate and self-examine I have been reading and going back to old things to give me some perspective and its been awesome! I started reading, “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle and did not know how badly I needed this nor, how much felt like revisiting old truths with even more verve even more vigor. I had some reservations at first, but after hearing some recommendations from multiple people I had to dive in. Glennon as the title implies  weaves a memoir of how she was caged and how she got free. So much of the book resonates with ideals that I love like womxn being wild, be dark, insatiable, untamable. It covers these usual things like how the patriarchial society teaches women to look outside themselves for validations, to not have wants, to be desirable rather than to desire. How it hurts guys too,how it cages everyone no matter your gender.  So theres all of that usual stuff and other great reminders that feel really relevant as I shift through shadows. Here are some echoes and snippets from the book that made me feel full: 

don’t avoid pain, pain is magic, maybe you don’t have to seek it out, but if you try to resist it, try to stop it you’re gonna stop yourself, your gonna stop your spirit. 

not in rebelling and not in obedience

know and let it stand, know what you want, do what you want, don’t ask permission, don’t explain. 

a woman full of herself is what we need 

One line that reminded me a lot of the guitar battles for me was , “the moral arch of our lives bends towards meaning, especially if we bend it with all our god damn might”. The guitar battles are my way of bending with all my might, and I’m so glad I did and so glad that no matter what I’ll continue. 

This book also reminds me of another book I have been reviewing, “Succulent Women” by Sark, which talks about so many different great ways to heal and be a woman that really living. It mentions how when we block our darkness we also block our joy and I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes pain is to big to feel, but I think if you have the opportunity and the space for it exploring the darkness is always a fruitful venture. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The most revolutionary world to me is one where womxn are living in a way that is most true and beautiful (as the author of Untamed notes) a world with no war, where people are fed and have healthcare, have homes, have clean water, that honors softness, honors feeling and empathy for surely in that kind of world many womxn would rejoice and capitalism and the patriarchy could not exist. 

I want the music I make to be a dream plan for womxn that know life can be more beautiful more just, more caring, more true. 

Investigating the darkness feels good and feels right and my guitar battles are also my way of doing that. One day these battles will be over, but whether I beat my rivals or not isn’t the main point. I’m discovering things about myself, so in the best way I can,  I practice so I’m able to dream, plan and imagine through music a world of joy for womxn, because I believe that would be the most joyous world ever. 

I rewatched a film that is dear to my heart that I saw as a kid. Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind a Hayao Miyazaki film, which takes place fear in the future after the conflicts of humans have left the earth’s ecosystem completely devastated. Most of the earth has become a toxic jungle and small villages try to survive, and in the Valley of the Wind lives Nausciaa who loves plants and animals, and is a scientists. Seeing how things are today wearing masks, like they do in the film, conflicts raging so sporadically its hard to know which side is which, the film doesn’t feel to far off from life today. 

I bring this up because Nausicaa is a great example of a female protagonist who leads with her softness and sweetness. She loves deeply and is thrown into a rage when her father is killed needlessly by a neighboring kingdom hellbent on destroying the toxic jungle. I appreciate Nausicaa because she is strong and intelligent and seemingly fearless, but what I admire the most is that she cares.  

I work a lot to protect myself and sometimes hide my softness (although I could never really forget it!). I guess for a while as I have been growing up (and I still have so much growing up to do man!) I started to think maybe I shouldn’t be soft anymore, or vulnerable. 

However its something I really like about all my friends, that I like about Nausicaa and now always want to say I like about myself. I am soft! I am a tender heart here me roar!

I hope as it is May day all the work from shadows, from investigations can help us all imagine and create and take with our hands, as labour and the oppressed of the earth have done so often the justice we all so duly deserve.   

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

UPDATES

I have been practicing a lot of basics like scales and chord progressions which is good for me since I am always trying to go to fast.  Since we have more time I have been getting a lot more hours of practice in which is really all I want just to practice forever muwhahahaha!  Really trying to slow down even though I can barely play as it is and already want to move on to sweep picking. I am slowing down like a snail working on different signature for a project. No plans. No expectations. Enjoying making something that I can’t wait to share, mostly with the ladies :) . 

I love when you call me names by Joan Armatrading *my new fav 

[manyfears-blog1]

Neibolt Blues

Prompt: Could I get a get a fic of reader feeling like an outcast among humanity. Like reader is just too strange and weird that most people find them off putting. (The story of my life.) And even when they make friends eventually there friends leave them because reader is a handful. They go to the creep house to be alone and sorta slump into a depressive state. Penny shows up and finds it weird why someone would actively come to "his" house. Reader is not scared, They are depressed its a whole different ballgame for the clown. Not sure what do with the human he allows them to stay around. Reader is thankful someone is there for them even its a murderous clown. Reader talks to him he listens, sorta. And thats enough for reader to feel listened to. Maybe reader leaves thanking him for listening. Then comes back and a bond starts to develop. Penny finds the reader so strange he likes them (He is quite a freak himself) and they both become friends.

Thank you so much @i-fuck-monsters for the prompt, I really do appreciate you messaging me!

So this one is a little long I’m sorry! I hope it isn’t too bland but I’ve never written something like this and enjoyed giving it a go. My inbox is always open <3

Words: 1684

You shove your hands into your side pockets and slink past pedestrians blocking your path; your breathing is sporadic as you hold back the tears welling up in your eyes, blurring your vision. You make your way through the town without drawing much attention, it almost feels like everyone around you sighs with relief at the thought of you leaving and never coming back, although you believe that to be true more than just a feeling, you stop at the edge of the footpath and stare into the road; replaying countless conversations, your brain cycles through all the people that you once called friends but have all left you like a run-down couch on the side of the road. With a huff, you kick a rock by your foot hard, not looking up to see where it travels but when you hear the ‘tink’ of it hitting a fence you look up, only then realizing you’re standing across from the infamous neibolt house. There are stories of something evil living inside that place, stories of people entering the house but never leaving, without hesitation, you walk straight for the door; the old wooden stairs wobble under your weight but without taking much notice you reach out and open the front door.

Once inside you scan the large room: It’s dusty and reeks of rotting meat, dead animals you assume, cob webs litter the peeling walls and dirt covers the deteriorating floorboards. The appearance doesn’t bother you and you make your way to an old couch stationed in the corner of the room but as you sit down a puff of dust further pollutes the air around you and you cough hoarsely, the coughing quickly turns to sobs and you lean on the arm of the couch and quietly weep. Deep down you hope the stories are true and you do go missing like the others.

The silence is disturbed by the sound of weighty footsteps stalking through the room not far around the corner near the staircase, slowly you lift your head from the arm and look around, heavy tears roll off your face and drop onto the old material below your head. It’s a tall, quite menacing looking, clown? Staring down at you with cold eyes. At least you think it is a clown but its palette is bland; dull, off-white costume with red ropes separating its arm sleeves and frills dangling over white gloved hands. You have no desire to properly analyse its wardrobe choices and gently rest your head back down although you’re still facing the weird clown but stare just past it. Something in the back of your mind is telling you you’re in danger but the mild concern is clouded again by the thick smog developing across your mind and throughout your body; your limbs are heavy, impossibly heavy, the ache in your heart has stopped and now you are numb, you’re not even really thinking anymore but just slowly embracing the nothingness the promises to relieve your invisible pain.

The clown is standing right next to you, still staring, it’s confused. Do you know it’s there? It feels nothing from you; no fear, happiness, not even an inch of curiosity? You might as well be part of the furniture as far as it’s concerned. It does detect a feeling but it wouldn’t know what to do with that: fear is sweet and enjoyable, whereas happiness is bitter. Prey without feeling fear tastes like cobwebs and mothballs but what if they are feeling nothing? The clown crouches next to you and forces its face into your distance field of view.

“Hello, Y/N!” it chirps happily. “You must be a little lost…What are you doing here?

The words rattle through your head a little making it hard to really make sense of the question. Silently you make proper eye-contact with it- the smile looks a little sinister but the fact it’s giving you attention catches you off-guard. Weird looking guy but it’s nice to have anything to talk to, really.

“Uh… Hey.” Your monotone voice creeps out of your throat. “I’m uh- I’m not lost, thanks.” Your dismissive responses show promise of ending any conversation, a tactic you know all too well used against you on the daily.

Before you drift away in thought again it talks to you again.

“Mind if I sit?” it asks, patting its hand on the cushion next to you.

“Sure.” Making sure to turn your head to avoid the dust assaulting your nose and throat again as it sits swiftly next to you, turning to face you.

“Why do you feel like this, Y/N? The emptiness is like nothing else.” The question is blunt and you have to repeat it in your mind to fully grasp the random intrusion by a creepy clown in an old house.

You give it all your attention now, your face red and puffy from crying and coughing.

“…Wait, who are you exactly?” your suspicious tone comes off harsher than expected.

“Oh! Well I’m Pennywise The Dancing Clown!” in his enthusiasm the bells on his costume jingle with his movements. Pennywise doesn’t give you time to respond- “You’re all alone, no friends, Y/N?” His tone becoming a little more derogatory. You used to be afraid of being alone, forgotten, hated, it used to keep you up at night with just the thought of everyone leaving you until it happened. One by one your ‘friends’ have left you. I just don’t think we should hang out spewing hate, twisting rumours to deter others from you You’re so annoying, Y/N, go bother someone else! This used to scare you and you could feel the familiar fear in the back of your mind but it was extinguished before it had a chance to manifest. Again, blank.

“Nope, not really, Penny- err?” The clown’s expression went blank for a brief second, like he was trying to conjure a different response, but his expression lifted slightly again. “Pennywise.”

“Well, Pennywise, I’m here because I want to disappear like the others, I’m already invisible to everyone else so I might as well..”

He seems to ponder over your response, what a weird clown, does he care about what I’m saying? Maybe he isn’t even real, maybe you’ve just-

“Really?” He interrupts- “Peculiar one you are, tell me.”

“Tell you…?” You ask, holding your head up higher to pay more attention to Pennywise.

“Tell me why you are feeling nothing, tell me what happened.”

You’re bewildered by his question, you perk up a little, straightening up your body more to face the clown sitting next to you and you scan his face suspiciously- You can’t read him like the others but you know the look of someone not caring, dismissing you like a fly on the table, but you don’t detect any hidden agenda to his questioning, in fact, he seems genuinely curious.

You take a big breath and tell him about your problems, it seemed so odd at first, you just met this thing and it has occurred to you it can’t be human but you’re not bothered by that in the slightest. It is more like talking to a very quiet, possibly disturbed, cat and you slowly begin to enjoy the time you spend with him on the dusty old couch. After a few minutes, you get up from the couch and walk around the decrepit house with Pennywise following you not too far behind, further supporting the disturbed cat theory, you talk and talk and without knowing, your spirit raises and you’re exploring the house more.

It’s late in the afternoon before you realise how long you have been here chatting and looking around, tripping over the occasional loose floorboard or rat carcass, but Pennywise caught you every time, giggling at your clumsiness.

“I should probably get going actually.” Realising the time, you look up at the clown, a little sad you should leave.

“Good.” He says, a little bluntly. You frown, have you annoyed him? He probably hates you like everybody-

“You didn’t disappear once in this house! Maybe you did something wrong...” He jokes, it takes a minute to process what he is saying but you begin to laugh, something so alien to you.

“You’re right, Penny.” You touch your face with an exaggerated expression of shock. “Maybe I should try again later?” Before he answers you leave the house and wave as you walk into the street.

 The next day you wake up feeling blue again, was yesterday a dream? Did you really meet some weird clown in the neibolt house? You begin to spiral out into your broken state again, so many scenarios buzzing through your skull you feel sick. Lying back in your bed with a thud you sigh loudly and stare out the window; the sky is grey and the sun is hidden by the thick clouds. Out of nowhere you get this feeling, it’s an odd feeling like someone is with you, in your presence but not present, it feels familiar and you start thinking about the day before again. You get a warm feeling inside of you, only just noticeable but you notice it.

Without much thought, you roll out of bed and quickly change clothes so it doesn’t look like you slept in the clothes from yesterday, you did, and race out of the house. Making your way through the twisting streets you finally spot Neibolt and you run towards the dilapidated dwelling. When you open the front door you briskly search the rooms for Pennywise, he isn’t here! You frown and turn to walk out but just as you do, you hear the familiar sound of bells tingling behind you, you turn and face the tall clown who is smiling down at you.

“Hiya, Y/N! You don’t seem so lost this time, want a balloon? He giggles at your surprised expression, you step forward, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips.

“Yeah, lets hangout?”

“Yes.” He grins, you smile in return, the warm feeling in your heart spreads ever so slightly.

[rusty-ford]

1-100 😝😊

Is a kiss considered cheating? YeahHave you ever faked orgasm? HaaaIf you could have one superpower, what would it be? Flight Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? No. But hopefully happy.Tell us some funny drunk story. One time I was smashed out of my mind so a friend drove us to McD's. I was so drunk that by the time I finished my burger I had forgotten that I had ordered fries too. I was reaching into the bag for a napkin when I "discovered" the fries at the bottom. I didn't remember ordering them at all. It was the happiest surprise of my life. Why are you no longer together with your ex? Because he's a moron. Too many reasons to count. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Killed instantly in a fiery crash in my pickup. Or die in my sleep. What are your current goals? Be a badass nurse. Do you like someone? I'm dating someone so yep. Who was the last person to disappoint you? Myself.Do you like your body? Not reallyCan you keep a diet? Used to be pretty obsessive about it. Not lately. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I wouldn't want a world platform. Do you work? Always. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Fresh salsa. Would you get a tattoo? Probably not. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? My truck and my horses. Can you drive? Hell yeah. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? Week or two?What was the last thing you cried for? Honestly can't remember. It's been a while. Probably my cousin's death.Do you keep a journal? Sporadically but not really. Is life fun? It is if you make it. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? I personally try to be more classy than that.What is your dream car? My first truck fully restored and turned into a sleeper. Are grades in school important? Yeah. Describe your crush. Tall, dark hair, killer smile, incredibly disciplined and hard working, intelligent What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Can't think of one.What was your last lie? Probably a little white lie like saying I likes someone's cooking when I didn't. I'm not a liar. Dumbest lie you ever told? Dunno. Not one to lie. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? Incredibly so.Something you did and you are proud of? Made it this far. What’s your favourite cocktail? I haven't really had many cocktails. Something you are good at? Critical thinking and things that art related. Do you like small kids? Not really. How are you feeling right now? Tired.What would you name your daughter/son? I don't have any girls names in mind. I always liked the sound of Tanner or Travis for boys names. What do you need to be happy? Freedom. Wide open spaces. A little gas to burn. Enough money to pay the bills.Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? My and about 30 family members I've disowned. What was the last gift you received? A bottle of Jamaican hot sauce. What was the last gift you gave? Food. What was the last concert you went to? Charlie Daniels. Favourite place to shop at? Depends on what I'm shopping for. Who inspires you? Badass women. How old were you when you first got drunk? 21. How old were you when you first got high? Never have been. How old were you when you first had sex? Thats a secret. When was your first kiss? 18Something you want to do until the end of this year? Not sure. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? Lots. Post a selfie. Okay Who are you most comfortable around? Old friends. Name one thing that terrifies you. Not much anymore. When you're drug head first through most of your biggest fears and you come out on the other side alive you realize that not much scares you. I'm still not a huge fan of ticks or needlesWhat kind of books do you read? Classics mostly. What would you tell your 12 year old self? To have a bit more self confidence What is your favourite flower? IrisAny bad habits you have? Conflict avoidanceWhat kind of people are you attracted to? Genuine ones.What was the last thing you cried for? Family death. Is there something you don’t eat? Not into ChineseSome food that truly disgust you? Canned creamed corn. Are you in love? Getting there. Something you find romantic? Surprise dates/nights outHow long was your longest relationship? 3 years too long. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Pettiness, irrationality, vanityWhat are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Ego, poor judgement, common infidelityWhat are you saving money for? Newer truckHow would you describe your bad side? Rage. Out for blood and revenge. Takes a lot to get me to that point though. Are you actually a good person? I like to think so. Why? I help people when I can and I try not to put my needs above those around me. What are you living for? To see what's around the next bend. Have you ever done anything illegal? Minor things sure. Do you like your body? Not really. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? Yeah. Ever sent nudes? HaaHave you ever cheated on someone? Never. Favourite candy? Anything caramel. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! Not as active as I used to be. Do you play any computer games? No. What is your favourite game? Don't have one. Favourite TV series? The Office.Are you religious? Does God exist? Yes. Yes. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? Can't recall. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Not my thing but as long as you're not a jerk about it it don't care. How long have you been on Tumblr? 7 years total. Like 5 with this blog. Do you like Chineese food? NoooMcDonalds or Subway? SubwayVodka or whiskey? Whiskey Alcohol or drugs? Alcohol. Don't do drugs. Ever been out of your province/state/country? Out of state, yes. Out of country, no.Meaning behind your blog name? Named after my first truck. What are you scared of? Not much anymore. Last time you were insulted? Jokingly last night. Most traumatic experience ? Probably family drama and my first breakup. Perfect date idea? Anything involving stars. Favourite app on your phone? Instagram I guess. What colour are the walls in your room? Whitem Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? NoShare your favourite quote. I couldn't pick just one. What is the meaning of life? To find all of the truth you can. Do you like horror movies? No. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Many time I'm sure. Me just being inconsiderate in my younger years. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? I often feel unlucky. I was born in October 13. My birthday falls on Friday the 13th this year, so that might have something to do with it.

[didsbumeare-blog]

Dating sleeping with someone else

“He’s Sleeping With Me But Dating Someone Else” Repetition of late response is a sign for you.  For this reason I will sometimes try to ask a question in a lighthearted fashion.  Because not every woman you spend money on that isn't dating or sleeping with someone else is going to be compatible enough to you to have a committed relationship with.  Because, window shoppers, are fickle shoppers.  While sex can be an expression of love, love will never be created through sex.  Edit- the thread title should say someone else For me it would depend on the level of seriousness.  I may have even done it myself.

I Dated A Guy For Six Weeks Only To Find Out He Was Dating Someone Else We've been seeing each other for a month.  Many people might consider dating multiple people at one time a viable activity.  I decided to let it go as we're not serious yet and it could be a girl from the past.  Then you go right in to sex, and seeing other people,, So if your not dating,, you owe no one an explanation.  Two were dating someone else before you added confidence in it extremely disrespectful for her to anyone else you found out their.  You will find him or her when you stop treating yourself like second best.  Essentially I was seeing C more regularly, G once in a while, met B once and D wants to go on a date with me.

30 Common Mistakes Everyone Makes After Sleeping With Someone Does a set hook-up time make him my boyfriend? As soon as you stumble across him, all of your feelings will come back to the surface.  This sign may not be very common but if you notice them becoming a shower-freak, then there are chances they want to get rid of the smell of the person they slept with or anything else that will get them caught, like a kiss-mark.  To my ever-growing delight it seemed that I was what he was looking for too.  Is there any way to get around the 'choice'? My intention is to not jump into a relationship, but take our time to figure out what it is we all of us want.  It is not absolutely sure that they are sleeping with someone else if their sex routine changes, but if the change is sudden and the disinterest in you comes as a shock without any good explanation for it, then they may be sleeping with someone else.  That has never crossed my mind; that is, sleeping around and expecting to keepmy secrets away from somebody who'd rather not get a disease or date a promiscuous human.  My personal standard is that I do not do multiple sex partners but I cannot force that on anyone else.

AskMen, The guy I am seeing but not officially 'with' slept with someone else on holidays I'd never sleep with one person and date another.  Probably the biggest thing we learn from all these forums is to think out things before we go into action.  I've been doing that for years and stil haven't gotten it right.  Sometimes the person may ask if you're just seeing anyone else sometimes they'll ask if you're having sex with someone else.  I was wanting to get an exclusive dating situation going because I liked him enough.  He was not sleeping with her, but it hurt me deeply and we decided to just be friends.  Anyway things with C actually developed, he continued to text me and contact me and dropped some hints about us dating which is why I arrived at a conclusion that I would like to drop G and go for him as he too is lovely, killer smile and we get on well and I'm a fan of a steady boyfriend rather being all over the place.

7 Signs Your Partner is Sleeping With Someone Else C is probably not what you would call a 'good guy'.  If you have never tried to unlock their phone to read their conversations and check their call logs, why is it that they suddenly felt the need to lock their phone? It's usually somewhere in between.  I'm open to dating more guys not because of being bitter rather because why waste 2-4 months with someone only to be proven yet again when I can check the menu and decide? Thats why there are so many single people on this site in my opinion.  I would rather be in a relationship with someone I care about than a one night stand.  We agreed to meet tuesday and I got a text saying something has come up this week so we won't be able to meet.  I refuse to be someone's option.  He has slept with the other woman, but he has never slept with me.

I Dated A Guy For Six Weeks Only To Find Out He Was Dating Someone Else I'd rather not know, so I don't usually ask.  And yes I have cheated on him just to get satisfied.  You had a fun night being in various stages of undress together.  I knew that would come up and bite me in the behind.  They Bring New Moves to Bed: If they adopt a new position or kiss you in a different way, be alert.  With him I was open, willing, able, supportive, grateful and kind, and for the first time in my life, felt like I was embarking on a healthy adult relationship.  These are all signs for you to only be suspicious and make sure that whether they are doing it for themselves or for someone else.

What do you do if your date is sleeping with someone else? Free Dating, Singles and Personals You can also make a decision for now that you know will change over the next few months.  But I can't really disagree with what sally4sara said.  Until that happens you cant assume or expect him to not see other people.  And than you have owe your decision.  The point is at what stage does sex enter the equation.  Does sleeping with somebody or she said she slept together automatically mean you.  I could be incorrect, but I think I know what a good guy thinks.

My Ex Is Already Dating Someone Else Each time I logically walk myself through some thoughts of why this person is good or bad for me.  I went on 2 or 3 dates with G who was lovely but the communication sort of trailed of for 2 months -to this day he contacts me sporadically saying he'll call.  Really really really wanting advice on this one now.  Despite all of the time and effort spent, he never chooses her.  They Are Not As Exciting in Bed As They Used to Be: You obviously know the urges and desires your partner has about sex and you are the only one who satisfies their needs, but if, lately, they have not been showing any need for sex, then there is something wrong.

My Ex Is Already Dating Someone Else However I am definately feeling disillusioned and there's a growing sceptism within.  If you are interested in this 'potential' developing into a physical relationship, perhaps you should concentrate on the 'potential' only for a while.  Gerard, then there is in life, dating and pretend to ask if there's anyone else.  Getting drunk and sharing your feelings 12.  Later on in the movie, Jake goes on a first date with his boss, Paula.  But something magical happened that night and my defenses melted into an overwhelming pool of optimism.

[amrutservices]

Everything You Need to Create a YouTube Channel That’s Ready to Grow

Despite being over a decade old, YouTube still acts as a ripe garden bed for audience growth. Brands looking to interact with audiences in current, relevant ways will find that video marketing content is one of the most effective methods they have at their disposal. They’ll also find that YouTube still remains one of the best platforms to host this content.

While big social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter are shrinking, YouTube pulls in over 1.8 million unique users every month. That figure, by the way, ignores all of the views that come from people who aren’t logged into a Google or YouTube account. YouTube’s traffic volume is so large that it is the second biggest search engine after Google and likely the most common platform for embedded videos seen around the web.

Creating a YouTube channel is therefore one of the best methods for earning traffic and engagement from audiences. By making smart moves and structuring your YouTube channel properly, your video content marketing campaigns can be poised for excellent growth. You’ll also be positioned to easily share and embed video content in order to grow your viewer base. It’s the perfect recipe for branded exposure!

You can start your business’s YouTube channel off on the right foot by following these steps to create a channel and give it the most growth potential.

1. Decide on Your YouTube Channel’s Video Marketing Positioning and Strategy

Your channel’s “position” is a name for basically everything that makes it distinctive. The idea is to not only have a channel that matches your branding principles but that can also meet your goals for audience building, lead generation, engagement, awareness and more.

The first step is to determine exactly who your audience segments will be, along with a few actions you want them to take in response to your content.

For example, maybe you are in an exciting industry like online retail for motorcycle apparel and accessories and you want everyone to come to your channel weekly for reviews and news on the latest products. Or, maybe you are a law office that wants to pop up first when people search for answers to their legal questions.

As another alternative, maybe you want to create highly shareable videos that generate brand awareness and drive traffic towards your site.

Your goals and your audience will significantly affect how you decide to run your channel, including:

Your style and approach (e.g., formal or conversational)

The format of your videos, such as an ongoing “show” vs. how-to videos vs. quick Q&A sessions

How long your typical videos will be

How often you will post new content

Who your target audiences will be, and how you intend to reach them

Your amplification strategy for getting maximum views on your new content, such as sharing new videos on Facebook or through your email list.

All of these factors come together to make your YouTube channel unique compared to others. And being unique is important considering that over 400 hours of new content are uploaded on YouTube each minute. Being unique also means that your channel is as prepared as it can possibly be to appeal to your chosen audience and accomplish your chosen goals.

2. Decide on a Channel Name and Icon

Your next step is to start filling in the blanks for your new channel. Specifically: what’s your name going to be? And what image will you use for your channel icon?

These two seemingly minor things can have a gigantic impact on your ability to attract audiences. Your channel name serves as both your brand and your initial pitch to potential viewers.

You can choose a descriptive name, such as “DUI Law Q&A,” which already promises what type of content the channel will contain.

Or, you can go for a long-haul strategy and create a unique brand name for your channel that allows it to build a presence as it builds an audience. Channels like Smosh and Dude Perfect have titles that are as recognized as any pop culture movie or show.

Plenty of people choose to use their business name or even their personal name as their channel’s title. This strategy provides the benefit of immediate association. As your channel gains strength, you can rely on more people knowing who you are or what your company is, thanks to the shared name.

Once your name is chosen, decide on an icon that reads well on a small screen. Keep in mind that over half of all YouTube views come from mobile devices. You might not be able to use your logo or cram a bunch of text into your shrunken down profile picture.

Settle on something that’s easy to comprehend, such as a few letters or your host’s face. You can also use some sort of iconographic representation of your channel’s purpose. For instance, the fictional motorcycle gear review channel mentioned earlier could have a helmet or a gloves gripping handlebars.

3. Come Up With Channel Art, a Description, and a Trailer

Some channels stand just on the strength of their content. They earn views through shares and YouTube algorithm suggestions, and eventually someone might connect the dots to realize several of the things they’ve watched come from the same channel.

Smaller channels, especially business-focused ones, often come under much more scrutiny. Someone may wonder “what are these people all about?” and take a look at their channel to learn more.

This instinct to inspect actually benefits your business. When they read your channel description, they can learn how the channel connects to your brand, for instance. They might even follow a link back to your official website.

Above all else, they’ll get a first impression that helps them decide then and there whether they’ll bother to ever check out your channel again. Accordingly, your channel’s “home page” elements better make one heck of an impression!

Start with your description. It should be short, exciting, and explain exactly why they should tune in to your channel regularly. Avoid talking too much about yourself or your business unless you think those elements hold inherent interest.

For instance, a personal injury law office might not want to bore people with local peer awards they won in the precious channel description space. On the other hand, they might want to throw out a number like “we’ve earned our clients nearly a billion in injury settlements.” Wow! That’s something they can get interested in.

Consider your channel art a supplementary description of what your channel offers. Maybe you have an image of a handsome host dressed smartly next to some of the informative topics they’ll cover. Or, maybe it’s an image of an awesome project your business has completed, such as a sandwich shop showing a record-breaking hoagie.

Keep your channel art simple and readable. Think of it like a billboard you have to read while whizzing past at 60 mph; if you cram too much on there, it’s just going to be a distracting mess. Limit the amount of text you use to a dozen or so words. Balance any “busy” graphics with blank space to give them air.

Finally, you’re going to want to create your channel’s trailer. This is a video that ideally gets someone hooked on first view. Far too many channels instead approach the trailer as a show-and-tell. “Hi I’m Bob this is my channel we have many exciting things to share with you…”

Instead, think of your trailer as a highlight reel of sorts or an actual TV show trailer. Yes, you want to tell people what you’re about, but you can do that by showing rather than telling.

If you aren’t 100 percent in love with any of these elements, then let that motivate you to revisit them over time. Your channel trailer in particular will evolve as your skills, content, and familiarity with techniques improve.

Getting Ready to Launch Your YouTube Channel

After you have all the main elements of your channel in place, you will want to prepare for its launch as a sort of grand opening. Consider that this is your chance to debut with flash and gather an early audience. If they get a bad impression, you’ve sown the seeds for an uphill battle to convince them to come back.

Ideally, you will have several videos’ worth of content for them to peruse—including your channel intro. You should also have the next months’ worth of videos queued up on your backburner so that you can ensure your channel posts regularly. Channels that post sporadically tend to lose audiences. They also have a more difficult time getting visibility via suggestion algorithms compared to more-active channels.

These are just the ingredients to the recipe for YouTube success; it’s up to you to make them work! If you need help with any aspect—including content creation—do not hesitate to contact an experienced digital marketing company to ensure your YouTube marketing meets with success.

from Amrut Services https://amrutservices.com/everything-you-need-to-create-a-youtube-channel-thats-ready-to-grow/