#if not the wonderfully silly post-heartbreak reason then what reason??

[nanonews]

firstly, LOOK. First Orpheus beach scene and now this. I am not okay. [insert Kylo Ren MOOOORE gif]

secondly (more comics spoilers below):

Wanda's grave = A game of you storyline (early arc)

Wanda character is to be merged with Ruby DeLonge's character in the TV adaptation, as per the casting call description

Ruby = Brief Lives storyline (later arc)

in the original story, important aGoY events set stage for BL events

But Wanda = Ruby = Wanda means BL events have to happen *before* aGoY events

WHICH MEANS

Either they somehow wrote the script so that BL happens *before* aGoY, which would in turn mean they have to set up something completely different than Thessaly to be Dream's incentive to join Delirium's search for Destruction (which in turn means no Thessaly? I have to admit I thought I'd be happy about this because fvck Thessaly but now I'm not so sure...)

OR they scrap the events of aGoY alltogether except for the death of Wanda, including Hazel and Foxglove and George and The Cuckoo, and most importantly Wanda's relationship to Barbie isn't a thing, and so the sneak peak of The Land in Season 1 was a dead end, which means stuff like the origin of the Porpentine and Alianora never gets set up???

I don't know which of these I'm more afraid of happening

Gonna go with both

Or hopefully the third option that I haven't thought out yet which means we get all the stories and characters, anyone have any ideas?

Most importantly: Don't fvck this up Netflix

Addendum: Is Indya Moore the most perfect casting in this series yet? Because holy shit they look perfect

[mothman-rewatches]

Post Season Review: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, season one.

Hello everyone! I have such mixed emotions as I’m typing this. We have reached the end of season one, which means we get to talk about the season as a whole. I’m sad to have finished this season, but I’m excited for what’s to come. I have a lot to say, so let’s get on with it.

WARNING: This post contains spoilers.

The Good: First, we have to talk about the Master. This might be an unpopular opinion, but the Master is one of the most memorable Big Bads of the series for me. He stands out from the rest of the Big Bads in the same way he is different from the rest of the vampires on the show. I would have loved to see more of him, even just little pieces. His story is something that I am so deeply curious about. Mark Metcalf and the costuming department made him who he is, and I commend them. 

Speaking of costuming, it was unexpectedly one of my favorite parts of the season. When I decided to include a fashion corner section in these reviews, I wasn’t sure I would have anything specific to write about. I don’t pretend to know anything about fashion, and there were a lot of times my comments felt a little silly, but costuming made the experience worth it. I loved seeing the small details that set Buffy apart from the other characters, and personally it added so much to my watch through of this season. 

Buffy’s character arc is a huge note I have. I felt like almost every episode I brought up her arc, and for good reason. Buffy’s attempt to find normalcy sets her apart distinctly, and it makes some of the underlying themes in the episodes so much better when you look at it through that lens. Slowly, as the season progresses, we watch Buffy learn to accept her fate as the Slayer. She still tries to balance being a normal girl and the Slayer, but the pressures on herself to be normal wane as she realizes she cannot ignore her duties. In the last review of the season, I pointed out that the underlying theme of “Prophecy Girl” was grief through the lens of a teenager, and that particularly ties into Buffy’s arc. She learns she is destined to die, and immediately shuts down. She quits, but is unable to ignore her fate. Her grief is centered around the loss of innocence, the loss of the ability to be a teenager, and it’s heartbreaking. It’s what perfectly ties the arc up at the end of the season.

Again, I loved the themes in certain episodes. They add another layer to each episode, and it’s fun to look through that lens and understand the episode a little deeper. Witch, Nightmares, Out of Mind, and Prophecy Girl pull this off wonderfully, and I wish they had a larger narrative theme for each of the episodes this season. I cannot wait to see this used in later seasons.

Lastly, I loved watching the character relationships grow. Watching how Buffy and Giles’s relationship progressed, or Buffy and Willow’s relationship progressed, and knowing where they end up is something special. You get to connect to these characters this way, and it’s worth it. I am going to love seeing where they go. 

The Bad: As much as I loved this season, there was actually a lot I didn’t like. From the overuse of certain tropes, to characterization, I have things I wish had been better. 

To start, Xander’s character. I really didn’t like Xander this season, and I will admit I did sort of ruin him for myself early on. Xander Harris is a rough character to begin with, and when you add in the context that he might be based on the creator, it gets worse. I spent a large chunk of the season cringing at every line he spoke, because most of the lines he had this season include sexual and perverse comments about his female friends or about the female classmates around them, or making snide comments because they rejected him. It’s easy to brush it off as him being a hormonal teenage boy, but at some points it crosses a line into creepy -- like the time he “joked” about taking pictures of Buffy through her bedroom window -- and it really feels like you can hear Joss when he says those things. I would like to see Xander move away from this part of his character, but I don’t have a whole lot of hope for it.

Another character I really struggled with this season was Cordelia. I don’t even think I have to say it anymore, I’ve said it what feels like a million times. Cordelia’s characterization was grossly mishandled, and I remember at one point thinking it was some sort of attack on Charisma Carpenter. She has very little growth throughout the season, until the very end when we actually see her character come through. We spend most of the season with the same one dimensional trait, the shallow and vain and bitchy Cordelia. It’s exhausting, and I still wish we had seen more of who she ends the season being. Even then, it took them ten and a half episodes to even try to make Cordelia likable, and it doesn’t feel fair to the character or the audience, let alone the actress. 

Additionally, we have to talk about “The Harvest”, particularly Jesse’s character. Twelve episodes later, and I’m still irritated that they spent so much time discussing Jesse in that episode just to never mention him again. I’m not asking much, just a name drop or even a reference to him would be enough to sate me. I just don’t love how they did that, it feels like a waste of time. Narratively, I hope they make strides to change this with other characters, but we’ll see.

Also, it’s the elephant in the room. We all know I’m going to bring it up: the fucking fake outs. It got old by the second episode, but they continued to use it as a narrative tool. I don’t know why they loved it so much, but they did. It really reached a point of irritation for me in “Puppet Show”, and I’ve been stewing about it ever since. They used the fake out at almost every given chance in that episode, and it kind of ruined the episode for me. That being said, I can’t remember any major uses of this trope again in the series, so I’m hoping we can leave it behind in season one. 

Lastly, the end scenes didn’t work for me. It’s a mini fake out, but it does nothing narratively for the rest of the series. The only time we see something that actually comes back up in the larger narrative is the reveal that the Anointed was alive. I think the use of the end scenes could work, but in moderation, with things that come up later. Until then, I see no point in using them.

Episode Ranking: This was actually so hard to do, because I didn’t really know where I wanted to put some of these. It was fun though, and it made me think about why certain episodes did better than others.

Twelfth  - “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date”

Eleventh - “Teacher’s Pet”

Tenth - “I, Robot…You, Jane.”

Ninth - “Welcome to the Hellmouth”

Eighth - “Witch”

Seventh - “The Harvest”

Sixth - “The Puppet Show”

Fifth - “Angel”

Fourth - “Nightmares”

Third - “Out of Mind, Out of Sight”

Second - “The Pack”

First - “Prophecy Girl”

Reflection: This season has been a journey, in the best way. As the show found it’s footing, I too had to find mine while starting this blog. I know I have a long ways to go, but I am so proud of this blog, and I cannot begin to express how much it means to me. 

The opportunity to sit down and watch one of my favorite shows and then talk about it is one I am incredibly grateful for. I got to know the show so much better this way, and my love for it really grew over the last twelve episodes. I can’t wait for the next six seasons, because I get to make this mine. 

I was, admittedly, terrified when I started this blog. I didn’t think anyone would like it, or interact with it, but I took the risk anyway and I’m glad I did. I’ve struggled this season to try and find a balance between just analysis and personal experience, and how to find my voice while writing about this. I think I’m getting to a place that I like, but I’m always afraid it’s going to be too personal for anyone else to understand. I’m learning, and that’s all I can ask.

I have some ideas for next season, things I want to add to the reviews, and I’m excited to try them out. I put this on the end of each post, but I really do want to hear other people’s input. It’s not just my blog, it’s kinda supposed to be yours, too. 

Out Takes/Funny Notes: These are gold in my opinion and I can’t leave them in my google doc. 

Welcome to the Hellmouth: 

-Because “try not to get kicked out” is a normal thing every parent tells their child on the first day of school. 

-Why Sunnydale has a starbucks is beyond me, but they also don’t actually have a starbucks.

The Harvest:

-I would have staked Darla for the disobedience, honestly.

-Harmony is not as clueless as she becomes later in the series, she even seems sort of sweet. 

-Nevermind she’s a raging bitch

-Yes Willow, go!! Sabotage them!

-Doesn’t it seem a little…coincidental you found Jesse, all alone, passed out in the tunnel? 

-Is it just me or is Luke a little…damn

-This whole ritual is kinda…sexual? 

-I feel like the vampires rolling up with their vamp faces isn’t the best tactical choice. Going in looking normal and then vamping out would have been more effective, I think.

-And it never was the same, good call Xander.

Witch:

-I would have thought something bad happened but no, it’s Buffy trying out for the cheer team

-NOT THE BARBIE DOLL

-”That girl’s on fire!!” Yes she is Willow!!!

-Buffy is the kind of friend I’d want because she’s always good in a crisis. If I caught on fire she’d be the first one I’d call

-Is that a scrunchie she’s wrapping around Cordelia-Barbie’s head?

-Joyce had Gidget hair? Incredible 

-They’re all surprised that its witchcraft like?? Obviously?

-It’s a perv thing isn’t it?

-IT IS A PERV THING!!

-Are we about to get a shining reference?

-This whole episode is basically because Amy’s mom peaked in highschool

Teacher’s Pet:

-The whiny music is perfect for a Xander episode

-Oh my god, fork guy is scared of mantis-people

-I love that his name is fork guy

-Serving alcohol to minors is frowned upon, even if you’re a giant bug

Never Kill a Boy on the First Date:

-Giles forgetting he works as a high school librarian is so funny to me

-New game: Take a drink any time the scoobies are in the library and get all in a tizzy because someone else comes in

-What’s with the Master’s voice? He sounds like he’s choking back a cough or something

-The Scooby gang really needs to work on it’s barricading skills

-Why put random objects tossed around? Heavy!! Heavy objects!!

-This episode’s “gotcha”: The Anointed survived…and he’s a little boy

The Pack:

-Why are a bunch of high schoolers going to the zoo for a field trip

-And why is the principal there too?

-This is going to break my heart isn’t it

-It broke my heart

Angel:

-I’m glad the master’s voice is back to normal

-Fumigation night at the Bronze is simultaneously such a fun (interesting?) idea but so gross at the same time

-Okay, I don’t like Xander’s crush on Buffy obviously

-But the ideal situation here is a triad relationship

-They could all date each other

-Has anyone ever thought of that?

-Angel literally tells her that a vampire can’t come in uninvited two seconds after one of the three’s hands was in the house?

-Make it make sense

-God I really like how they dressed Angel this episode

-He’s tastefully slutty with the white v neck

-How awkward to have to explain to your crush that you’re the vampire who killed your family

-So Darla can’t go after Buffy, but she can kill the three? Idk man the Master needs to make up his mind

-The Master really should kill Darla

-He’s one of the oldest vampires alive! He’s her sire! And yet she talks back to him and defies him

-Not through the front window! That’s gonna cost a fortune!

-It’s so weird to hear him be called “Mr. Giles” because everyone else just calls him Giles

-Sometimes I forget his first name is Rupert and not Giles

I, Robot…You, Jane:

-Now that I think about it, Xander gets a lot of flack for dating girls who aren’t human or ordinary by any means, but Willow has a similar history?

-Moloch, a demon. Oz, a werewolf. Tara, a witch. And Kennedy, a potential Slayer

The Puppet Show:

-Giles can handle himself they say as he is about to be killed

-Like have you met the man

Nightmares:

-The guy with the ponytail kinda cute

-Honestly the kid is probably more terrifying than the actual anointed

-Just pops out of nowhere

-Do these kids ever go to class? I’m gonna start a class counter next season where I count how many classes they are shown to actually go to

-No one else notices the little boy wandering the halls?

-Who smokes in the school’s boiler room? I’d be worried it would blow the whole building

-The parallel  between this girl literally being beaten to death and the sign that says smoking kills is so fucking funny to me

-No don’t go into the basement the basement has bad vibes!

-The only thing scary about that clown is his laugh tbh

Out of Mind, Out of Sight: 

-God what a sexist pig

-I’m glad Marcie beats the shit out of him

-Clea DuVall!!

-A win for the lesbians

-I’m sorry you’re telling me the ceiling is stable enough to support three of you UNTIL you trade blows with Buffy? The math ain’t mathing

Prophecy Girl:

-Earth quake babey!!

-He’s dissociating Buffy, chill

-Go Willow go!!

-Buffy’s getting a little cocky with the stake isn’t she?

-I love when blood comes out of the sink! It’s so fun

-If Giles is the dad is Jenny the cool aunt or the step mom?

-Love how Buffy came back from the dead and said “fuck this it’s game time”

Thank YOU: You didn’t think I forgot my dues, did you?

First and foremost, I want to thank the team at @sunnydale-digest. You have given me a platform, and while I know that’s the point of your blog, I am forever grateful for you all. I have been following your blog for as long as I’ve been on tumblr (or at least, for as long as my main blog as existed), and I can’t tell you how much it means to me each time you reblog my posts. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

A special thank you to Kay (@goblinagenda), who won’t see this. When I told them about wanting to do this, they were so supportive. He pushed me to do make this blog, and I wouldn’t be here without him. 

Of course, I cannot go without thanking Li (@voltrontrxsh). Li, mother of my children, my partner in crime, the person who is all but my creative director. Thank you so much, for all of your input and all of your support. You, whether you knew it or not, were a huge help at the beginning of this process, and I am so grateful for you.

Lastly, to the people who interact with my post and this blog. Thank you. I didn’t expect anyone to see this blog, I was fully prepared to be speaking into the void. Each like or reblog makes my heart swell, and it’s what pushed me to keep going. Thank you, I hope you see this blog as yours just as much as mine.

Final Notes: As always, feel free to leave any comments, suggestions, or questions in the ask box!

[chronicowboy]

2022 writing review

so its 2023, so what? better to review a year with a little bit of distance methinks

tagged by @kitkatpancakestack hope ur 2023 is going well so far muah <3

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 42 oh lord

2. Word count posted for the year: 297,700 (mortifying)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 9-1-1

4. Pairings: buck/eddie

5. Story with the most: 

kudos: please? (can't say no) 1,220 kudos

bookmarks: the persistence of memory 386 bookmarks

comment threads: the persistence of memory 119 threads

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): ooooof i was gonna say the persistence of memory just because of the sheer word count and that i love the story but im actually really proud of my gilmore girls au all you have to do is call my name (i'll be there) because i wrote 40k words in under a week and for once i wasn't wondering about if people would read it i wrote it for me (and my beloved elke) honourable mentions to 1001 reasons to not get drunk with your sister's boyfriend and any of my ravi pov fics because they're silly but i love them all the same and my amnesia collection

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): hmmm probably we don't go through the glass doors because it was half-formed but i still posted it, i basically just saw that gif of peeta pressing his forehead against the forcefield for katniss in the jabberjay scene and i was like but what if it was buddie and yeah i just do not know why i posted it ig

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: any comments i've had saying that i should be a writer for the show makes me want to scream such as "this is soooooooooooo good!!!! its so perfectly and wonderfully devastating and heartbreaking and emotional and warm and soft. you write the firefam's dialogue SOOO WELL! they should add you as a staff writer tbh. ❤❤❤❤❤❤" on (tpom surefire way to make me happy is to compliment my dialogue and the 118 dynamics)

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: at the moment tbh i have so much uni work to do and an original piece of fiction im 200+ pages into and i'm trying to do all of that at once so the fic has fallen to the wayside a little

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: god this is really difficult and it definitely doesn't help that i can barely remember anything about my fics but um i guess character-wise its a surprise whenever i write taykay as an actual character rather than just a mention through gritted teeth lol but um scene-wise maybe just my whole albert pov fic what are you doing home? we thought you were babysitting just because its not something i'd normally write (eddie is only mentioned how uncharacteristic of me!!)

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing: oh god um i am so proud of lots of bits to my writing so i'm going to try to limit myself

just all of my surrealism weaved into 9-1-1, what's your fantasy? to kind of hint that buck's dreaming

the realisation scene in flatpack furniture and a djungelskog

"It'll be pretty cool, right?" Eddie's talking, but Buck can barely hear it over the static ringing in his ears. "To look at it and know that we made it together—"

You don't find it, son, you make it.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

There's nobody in this world I trust more with my son than you.

There's an Alan key sitting in his open palm, ever so slightly warmed by Eddie's hand.

I know you did.

Its nothing special. Its nothing out of the ordinary.

You two have an adorable son.

Eddie passes him tools at work all the time without him asking. They've suffered the telepathy jokes a million times.

Shouldn't it be when you're at your worst, they're at their worst, you have every reason to give up and you still decide you want to try again.

this scene from the only try day is wednesday because i originally hated this fic until i reread this moment

The picture catches the flames, curling up at the bottom corners, colours melting away and consuming Eddie and Christopher whole before finally, finally taking Buck too.

Because that's the thing. If Eddie is in there, if he's— Then that's what's going to happen. The fire takes Eddie first. Then, Christopher. Christopher who loses two parents and gets stuck with a Buck, a Buck he'll grow to resent because Buck's the reason Eddie was here in the first place, because Buck didn't save Eddie. So, the fire will take Buck finally.

And it will take him violently. It will ravage him, turn him to ash and sift it through their fingers until he's nothing but a few chunks of burnt bone. It will take him, consume him, ruin him. And he'll be dead, in every way that counts. He's already dying now.

Buck refuses to let it happen.

He'll die. He'll die before Chris can resent him because that would finish him off. Losing Christopher, losing Christopher to hatred and loathing, that would kill him. And that death would be much more violent than any chaos fire could wreak.

this scene in memory (all alone in the moonlight)

"Eddie, can we not do this?" Sighing, Buck looks up at the ceiling. "I'm missing five years of my life. I feel like shit. I really don't need you coming in here acting all weird."

Eddie lets out a breath and takes a step forward.

"What do you need from me, Buck?"

And, fuck, that question really shouldn't bring tears to his eyes, but. But Buck's spent his whole life being the one asking that question and now he doesn't even know the person who knows him well enough to ask it.

"I need my best friend." He whispers.

Eddie's face crumbles and he crosses the space between them in three steps, settling onto the edge of the bed and pulling Buck into his chest. Buck clutches at his Henley as he tries to compose himself, but Eddie's hand settles heavy at the base of his skull.

"Hey, don't do that." Eddie murmurs. "Just let it go, Buck."

And so, Buck breaks—for the second time in as many days—in a relative stranger's arms.

Eventually, when the tears have subsided and Buck finds the energy to be embarrassed about dirtying Eddie Diaz's shirt with snot and tears, he sits back in his bed and scrubs at his face.

"Thanks." He rasps.

"You don't have to thank me for that, Buck." Eddie offers him a cup of water and a handful of tissues. "I know you don't remember it, but we promised to have each other's backs and I don't plan on breaking that anytime soon."

"Fuck." Buck wipes at his eyes with the tissues until Eddie pries it from his hand and takes over for him, soft and gentle enough to have the tears springing to life all over again. "I really want to hate you." Eddie laughs.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: honestly just sheer volume of writing, for most of my writing life i was always so perfectionist and adamant that i couldn't move on until this one project was polished and perfect but this year i've written and written and written and let myself abandon projects and have rough first drafts yknow

13. How do you hope to grow next year: hmm idk really maybe just write even more and branch out a little in what i'm writing

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc): @danielsousa my love, my heart, my rock!!!!! honestly probably wouldn't have written half as much if it weren't for elke cheering me on for the gilmore girls au and sending me screenshots of my writing that made her want to kill me

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: oh much i'm sure, i put myself into everything i write intentionally or not just because its such a personal thing for me but um in persistence of memory all the timeloop media references and agents of shield as i have always been reference specifically

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: read and write! nothing is ever going to help you as much as that. read fics yes, but read books and poetry anthologies and non-fiction! and write! write fic, write shitty poetry in your notes app, write short fiction, start a book. in the wise words of shia la boeuf JUST DO IT

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: ohhh okay so i have plans for two very big buddie aus an agents of shield au where fitzsimmons are technically henchim but buddie gets their romantic scenes, and then a national treasure au because i am a SUCKER for those films and chimney as riley is something that can be soooo personal

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: ummm just anyone who wants to do this?? feel free to say i tagged you because my brain isn't working!!

[danteinthedevildom]

A Royal Pajama Party “Analysis” - Part 3 (of 7) 

Unlike the previous two posts - which were fairly length - this one is a little less of a formal analysis and more of a “holy shit this man’s so fucking cute” ramble. It’s significantly shorter; I would have actually compiled these together with the previous post if Tumblr wasn’t so awful with its image-per-post limit. 

It continues with Diavolo and MC watching a movie together, and once again leads into more Story Key-locked content. So, here is your cursory spoiler warning!

Picking up from the previous post, the movie Diavolo picks to watch with you is a black and white Human World film. A few thoughts come to mind on this.

One: He picked a movie specifically because he wanted to watch it with you. Not just anyone in general, or even just a human in general - specifically you. He spends a lot of time thinking about and noting down things he wants to do with you. 

This, to begin with, is just... impossibly sweet. He’s never had a friend before, so he’s never had someone to think about when he’s looking at things he enjoys. Even the closest demons to him don’t generally like humouring him with his more playful whims. 

Now, however? He has you. Someone willing to spend time with him. Suddenly, he has someone utterly receptive to the things he loves; someone happy enough to listen, someone who might enjoy them just as much as he does. 

We’ve all done it before, after all. As soon as we know someone’s happy to listen to you ramble about something, we take note of things we think they might like so we can share it with them and (potentially) get them into it as well. Make it a bonding experience, because we like the thing and we like them, so why not mix the two? That’s how you deepen a friendship, after all. 

It’s such a normal, human thing for Diavolo to do. He’s sincerely just happy to have you there; to finally have someone he can pick out likes to share with. Just a passing thought - “Oh, MC might like that, I’ll have to save it for our sleepover” - that speaks a thousand words to how often (how casually, naturally, easily) he thinks about you. 

But it’s also a bit more than that. Because while this is just about the movie, we’ve already seen Diavolo admit he’s quite literally written out a list of activities he wants to do with you. 

How long is that list? What sort of things has he got written down? We’ve been given a small glimpse at the list for this Devilgram, but it really is just a small glimpse. How many times has Diavolo seen something that has immediately pinged in his brain as “things I need to do with/show MC”?

(How many things has he never felt comfortable or happy showing anyone else before? 

How many times has he tried to share his interests, only for them to be rejected?)

Two: It’s Human World media. Diavolo’s only recently (in the main game) gotten to see the Human World properly, and considering this is black and white, I’d say it’s fairly old. At the latest? Maybe a hundred years old at this point. 

That’s (possibly) at least 100 years Diavolo’s been consuming Human World media. 

The fact that he’s remembered it this long, too - for you to appear, and him to want to share it with you - either means it’s something he watches frequently, or it’s something that made a big impression on him.  

Diavolo’s infatuated with the Human World, that much we already knew; one of his Homescreen interactions is about wanting to see the sunset, and another mentions how he hasn’t been to the Human World (either at all, or often). It’s something he wants to see more - something that excites him in a very boyish, childish way. Like a kid going on holiday to Disney World after seeing it on TV a thousand times. 

But this isn’t a recent infatuation. The movie (potentially) proves this. Even before the Exchange Programme - before he met you - he’s held this infatuation with humanity. It’s not just about peace; there’s something about the Human World that draws Diavolo in. 

There’s more evidence of this in a later post, so I’ll go over this a bit more then. For now, however... 

We can say with certainty that Diavolo wasn’t kidding when he said the Exchange Programme has been a dream of his for some time. It makes me wonder just how far back he wanted to unite the Three Realms, and why; whether he started with interest in the Celestial Realm or the Human World, and whether or not he hoped the Exchange would branch out his social contacts (considering we already know that demons don’t tend to spend time with him, and Diavolo is horrendously lonely). 

(As an aside: the fact that he’s seemingly so infatuated with the Human World makes it even more special for him to share this movie with you. This is something he adores, something that’s affected him so much, he’s dedicated his life to improving relations across the Three Realms - and he wants you to experience it, too.)

Three: A bit more of a joking point, admittedly. Boy really said “I’ve been wanting to watch this movie with you that I love that also happens to be related to the Human World” with the same vibe as Ariel seeing the Prince for the first time and realising he could tell her what all the crap she’s been collecting is for. 

I just... love the idea that his logic is “well, MC is human. This movie was made in the Human World. Ergo, this is the most appropriate movie to watch with MC for our super special sleepover!”

He’s so determined for everything to be perfect... I wonder if this movie was his immediate choice - something he’s always known from the start he’d do with you first the moment he could - or if he debated over several movies for the longest time, trying to come up with the best possible choice. 

Adorable ramble time!

He’s good, in that he won’t make you do anything you don’t want to - you’re always given the choice of how close you want to be to Diavolo, and if you want to nope out of vaguely (or even overtly) romantic situations even at the last minute - but when given the chance? He will get as close to you as possible. 

He’ll have you sit right next to him, pressed arm-to-arm, thigh-to-thigh. He’ll thread his fingers through yours, and rest your joined hands on your lap. And he’ll savour every moment, because this isn’t something he gets often, if at all. 

That comment - “your hand is so warm...” - has such a sense of awe to it. He’s finally close enough to you to say that you’re warm. He’s finally reached this pinnacle of contact that he’s always wanted - and look at him! He’s so happy! He’s so, genuinely, wonderfully happy to be this close to you. 

He’s been wanting to watch the movie with you for at least months, if not a few years (timeline depending), and he finally has the time to show you this thing he’s genuinely excited for you to see  - and it is totally blown out of the water by the fact you’re snuggled up to him, holding his hand. 

That’s how special you are to him. That’s how special this moment is for him. 

There’s something so sweet - and yet so heartbreaking - at seeing the damn Prince of the Devildom get so flustered over asking to hold your hand. I know that the OM demons aren’t always depicted as your typical demons, and a few of them are fairly sex-shy, but there’s just... something about this scene that hits different. 

He’s so tentative, so hopeful, to be able to hold your hand. He’s so shy about it, too. And, yes, some of that is absolutely him fretting over ruining the evening by asking - fretting over chasing you off if he’s too touchy, when you’re already doing so much just by staying as long as you have - but some of it has to be him not knowing if that’s an okay thing to ask for. Wanting to get closer, but not knowing if it’s appropriate. 

I have a lot of feelings about this scene. It’s just... whether you see it as romantic or not, he’s so happy. He’s so happy just to have you there. He’s so happy you’re humouring him. He’s so happy you’re letting him do these very simple things. 

He’s so lonely. And you just make all of that go away. 

This is actually more of a silly thing, but I just wanted to note that - the Devildom has fucking Jenga and it’s called The Demonic Tower. 

I’m also still not over this for a slightly sadder reason. This is another one of the things that Diavolo wanted to do with you - another activity on his list. And it’s playing fucking Jenga.

He knew/knows so few people and has such little free time, something as simple as Jenga is riveting entertainment for him. 

He’s played so few board games in his life, he actually thought it was worthwhile to write down as something he absolutely had to do with you for your special, rare night of shared time spent together. 

There are so many normal, plain, boring, everyday life experiences he’s never done, and every new thing he presents just hits harder than the last. 

+++

And that concludes our (slightly shorter) part 3! Once again, thank you for making it this far. Hopefully the slightly lighter post was alright- 

Next post, we’re going to skip ahead a bit. The game of Jenga itself is mostly just fun, so there’s no need to focus on it specifically. What is important, however, is the next activity - and what Diavolo does based on certain choices. 

So, if you’d like, head on over to part 4!

[jammyjess]

Hey friends!

I found King Falls AM at a time in my life where I felt scared, hopeless and alone. I didn’t want to be here at all, and I thought for the most part I’d never be happy again. I’m still most of those things, but every day in King Falls makes that a little easier to be okay with. I thought long and hard about what I could manage for this, but most of all, I just wanted to say thank you. So. Here goes.

Thank you for Sammy Stevens, who is my favourite kind of character. He’s sassy and pretty and humble and full of love.Thank you for his cynicism and snark, but also for his ability to push aside his own beliefs and ideas and wants when it matters. Also, for letting him Suplex Grisham, because that was pretty neat! Thank you for the way he relates to the people around him, but especially to Lily. For a character who makes mistakes and actually tries to learn from them - he doesn’t always get it right, but he tries, and that’s so important. He’s made me laugh, he’s made me cry, he’s made me want to scream. I adore his backstory, it means more to me than I can say, but also thank you for the way you handled the events around 75. It was so meaningful. I love him with everything I have, which is why it hurts me to thank you for his pain, which is so unbelievably relatable to my own. For my own hurt that comes out of his mouth. The kind of hurt that transcends circumstances. I was in a dark place before this show, and parts of me are still there, but watching Sammy grow, and change and heal has meant everything to me. It gives me hope for better days. For Sammy, and for me too. Thank you for giving him the courage to stick around, and for giving him hope. Thank you for Benny Arnold. Who I can’t write about coherently without bursting into tears. He’s messy and flawed and just absolutely gorgeous. Seeing him grow through the years has been an absolute joy, but most of all, I love his ability to remain untainted by the horrors he’s been through. He’s still got the same heart, and it’s the best heart there is. I love his passion, his hope, his resilience. His belief in everybody around him. He remains unapologetically himself through everything, and I adore him. He is The Good, and I’m so glad we have him. Noah brings such complexity to him too, and I can listen a thousand times to a single episode and continue to feel all the things. 

Thank you for Emily. For making a strong, intelligent, badass women who’s also soft and desirable and loving. For letting her write her own story and for letting her be more than a prize to be won. She’s so good natured and considerate and thoughtful, and even in her worst moments she never loses that. Every moment she appears is wonderful and Jess KILLS IT every time! I’ve especially enjoyed phase two Emily, as her relationships with other characters become more integral to the story. Thank you for speaking out against the Frickards of the world through her, because it hurts and it’s hard but it’s so important. Using your audience for good means so much. Thank you for the thoughtfulness and care with which you consistently apply to sensitive subjects. For day-to-day happiness, for happy places and for months of quiet kindness without ever being asked. 

Thank you for Jack Wright. For the reminder to choose love (even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard.) For the reminder that we’re all worthy of love, in all its forms. The affirmation that nobody corners the market on sadness, but also that we don’t always have to go it alone. That grief is universal, and that’s not always a bad thing. For quiet moments of humanity in the midst of absolute tragedy. For vulnerability, for heartbreak and moving forward together. For forgiveness and acceptance, and humility. 

Thank you for Dwayne Libbydale, who’s a special kind of chaos. I am again lost for words, but I love him, I love him, I love him. 

Thank you for Pete Escobar Ed Edwards Yardboy Myers and his funyuns and disdain and snark (even if me saying I love him means he’ll never listen to this show again.) Thank you for PHENOMENAL journalist Lily Wright, who is an absolute delight! She feels like the personification of grief, loss and trauma, but at the same time so, so real. Her reluctant acceptance of King Falls as home is beautiful, and I hope she gets ALL THE HUGS really soon. She’s not afraid to speak her mind, even if it means alienating the people she loves. Her shaky vulnerability with Sammy, Ben and Emily is so good, and I’m so excited to see where the future of Lily Wright lays. King Falls Chronicles was some KILLER story telling, and Candace was the icing on the cake. The acting chemistry she has with everybody is absolutely on point. I’m so glad we get to keep Lily. That she’s found home. Thank you for #DeputyDead. His unwavering optimism and willingness to see the good in everything and everybody is absolutely wonderful. 

Thank you for Debbie and RoboTim, who I still believe in, despite all evidence pointing to ‘don’t do that.’ Thank you for Maggie Masterson, an Actual Icon. And for our Man’s Man’s Man and his lil Kingsie Bab. For Regan who is a sweetheart and Chet who I hate to love.

Thank you for villains that fill me with white hot rage. Who’s actions are explained, but never excused. For Frickards and Gundersons and ShadowFUCKS and HFB3’s and Leland Hills and Ernies and Grishams. They’re different levels of despicable, and I adore hate them all. 

Thank you for ridiculous caricatures ; the Gwendolyns and the Cynthias and the Jacob Williams. Thank you for SPORTSBALL (CHOP. DAT. WOOD.) and WALL CRABS and GARBAGE BEARS and DANGER NOODLES  and every other ridiculous Benism. 

Thank you for Teareal and serendipity and redrum roses and for the inability to see the word ‘ghost’ and not correcting it to APPARITION. Thank you for Dan & Larry and boy band battles and Doyle’s Conspiracy Cavern and Devon Hamptonframptonshire. For Golden Owl, Finn and Gator Jack and Alvin and every other ridiculously loveable character you’ve created. Some of them barely last longer than an episode, but their chaos will fuel me for a lifetime. 

Thank you for Mary Jensen, who is the mom I wish I had. All moms are champs, but Mary is perfect. Thank you for Betty and Nancy and Loretta and Marigold. All who I expect deserve the praise they’re given. 

Thank you for Herschel and Cecil, who are cranky old bastards and who probably shouldn’t fit together, but they do so effortlessly. The care and compassion they have for each other is inspiring, and I too hope to have a friend like that someday. Trent is wickedly skilled, and I’m sure he hears it so often but!!!! 

Thank you for BE WELL BUDDIES and silly puns in the titles, and short jokes and RoboTim mixups and Science Institute break-ins with vigilante superheroes and mysterious callers. Thank you for love through overnight oats and moustache talk and non-binary pals. For a willingness to grow and change and learn and laugh. For the electrolocaust and my favourite threesome and for sammiversarys. For Ben posting Sammy’s bail, and heart-to-hearts in jail cells. For stupid bets and bensplosions and the fucking kickball story. For creepy dreams and technical terms, for badly timed BEEPS for awkward flirting and on-air confessions. For idiots who can’t keep secrets, let alone not talk about them on air for more than five minutes. For missing hikers and weird shadow tornados and notebooks and shooting down UFOs and death by damnation. For the SECOND BEST small town in American Celebration, for Christmas Gifts for Ben’s Mom and Jupiter Jaundice. For Ben’s monopoly tactics and Sammy’s audible eye rolls, for prophecies and ‘legend-has-it’s and for love and love and love.

Thank you for the mysteries, and for the constant need for MORE. You do cliffhangers so wonderfully, and I feel like I’ve never anticipated anything so keenly in my life. Tim Jensen, The Dark, Merv, Death by Damnation, The Rainbow Lights, The Zombies. 

Thank you for Cameron Chambers??? How does he do it?? I have no idea, but I hope he keeps doing it. Especially all them Christmas BOPS. Legendary. Jazz-Hands worthy! 

Thank you for making Zombies the F- plot. 

Thank you for the Eagle Screech in the DALE’S DOLLAR TREE ad. And all the other ads too, I guess. I don’t understand The Fucky List, but thanks for that too! Thank you for JACK IN THE BOX JESUS which has caused my internet to constantly recommend me eat at Jack in the Box, despite the closest one being literal continents away.

Thank you for continuing to choose this. For being open to sharing so much of yourselves with us. Thank you for fan interactions and live listens, Q&As and twitter replies and twitch streams and retweets and Beyond the Falls. Thank you for the love and care you show us all, which above all feels genuine. 

Thank you for being the catalyst for a community where I finally feel like I belong. Like I’m important. Like I matter. Thank you for being the reason for hours and days and weeks and months of in-jokes and teasing and theories and head canons and screaming and food talk and love. For so much kindness. And acceptance. For a space to be myself without fear. For people I feel like I’ve known lifetimes, and for whom I hope I can love for lifetimes more. For people to cheer on, and cry with, and poke fun at. For stupid nickname changes, and memes and words in reactions. For making me feel like i’m part of something much bigger than me. For a place to be passionate without judgement. For a place to just be. For friends. For family.

Thank you for the push I’ve needed to create again. And for all the others you’ve inspired too. 

Every moment inside King Falls have been an absolute blessing, but the impact it’s had on my life outside of it is absolutely everything.

Congratulations on (almost) 100 episodes. What an adventure it’s been. I’m so excited for everything the future of King Falls holds, but most of all; Thank you for making this fuckin’ mean something.

[pivitor]

My Top 10 Favorite Albums of 2018

When it comes to music, ideas of "good" or "bad" or "best" are purely subjective. Frankly, it's ridiculous to suggest that any one person, or even any one group, has the authority to decide what the best albums of the year are, even if they did have the capacity to listen to every single release. But I love these kind of lists anyway because, at their best, they provide people the chance to gush about the music they loved in a year, the albums that challenged them, brought them joy, and helped reshape their lives. I don't necessarily think music should be ranked and judged, but it absolutely should be explored, examined, and shared.

The following is exactly that. These are my ten favorite albums of 2018, the ten albums I spent the most time with, got the most out of, and loved more than anything else released this year (that I had a chance to listen to, at least). If you've heard some of these albums before, I hope I can help you find something new to appreciate, or at least remind you why you liked them in the first place; if you haven't, then I hope you find a new song, band, or album here to love. 

Let's get to it:

10. MXPX -- MXPX: There were a few really strong albums competing for this final slot, but MXPX took it through sheer consistency. Every single song on this album is just an incredibly solid block of pop-punk, bolstered by some fun, yet often unexpectedly mature, lyrics. Mike Herrera and the rest of MXPX look backwards and forward simultaneously, reminiscing about their childhood and long history as a band, but also sharing the lessons they've learned along the way; on album stand-out "Moments Like This," Herrera specifically confronts the legacy he's leaving his family, and it's surprisingly poignant. MXPX is a blueprint for how any pop-punk band can mature without losing that youthful spark that makes the genre so dang fun in the first place. 

Highlights: Rolling Strong, The Way We Do, Moments Like This

9. Justin Courtney Pierre -- In The Drink: Two grueling years after the demise of Motion City Soundtrack (one of my Top Five favorite bands), former frontman Justin Courtney Pierre has returned with a solo album that manages to capture much of the spirit of MCS, but of course, with a more personal, intimate spin. Pierre still graces listeners with his intricate wordplay and earworm hooks, but also highlights some techniques and instruments that rarely took prominence in MCS (the bouncy bass in "Shoulder the Weight" is a personal favorite). In The Drink cuts right to the core of every song, especially in the exhilarating title track; the album is blistering, economical, and often ruthless, not just musically (only two songs clock in at over three minutes), but also lyrically, examining some surprisingly dark scenarios with the honesty and careful empathy fans have come to expect from Pierre. It's great to have him back (I still miss Jesse's MOOG, though).

Highlights: Anchor, Shoulder the Weight, In The Drink

8. Jeff Rosenstock -- Post-: The first album of 2018 (seriously -- Post- was a surprise release on 1/1/18) remained urgent, relevant, and relatable throughout the entire year -- that's not good for the world, but it's great for Post-. Jeff Rosenstock's social commentary is as sharp as ever, deftly mixing the political and the personal, especially in tracks like opener "USA," which dives head-first into the paranoia, apathy, and hypocrisy of modern American living. The frustration and hopelessness of trying to change a broken system coats this album like dew, but Rosenstock's approachable and energetic strain of punk make them seem manageable -- or at least bearable -- nonetheless, and closer "Let Them Win" provides much needed catharsis and hope; it's a rally cry for a better future. Post- wasn't necessarily the follow-up to Worry. that anyone expected, but it's certainly the one we needed, right when we needed it.

Highlights: Powerlessness, 9/10, Let Them Win

7. The Penske File -- Salvation: Out of all the albums on this list, Salvation by far was the biggest (and happiest) surprise. Having never heard of them before, I saw The Penske File open for (the irresistibly fun) PKEW PKEW PKEW back in October and was blown away by their harmonies, by Alex Standen's ability to balance drums and lead vocals at the same time, and most of all, by a song that dug its way into my head and wouldn't let go. That song turned out to be album stand-out "Spin My History" (easily one of my top favorite new songs of the year), and thankfully, all the best aspects of The Penske File's live show translated perfectly over to Salvation. The vocals are the perfect combination of intensity, melody, and harmony; the lyrics expertly capture and unpack moments in time; the music itself (especially when accompanied by harmonica, which pops up in a few songs) wonderfully reflects the mood of each song, be it the reckless abandon of "Lakeshore" or the aching nostalgia of "American Basements." Thanks to Salvation, I could easily see The Penske File following in the blue collar punk footsteps of bands like the Menzingers, and that's high praise indeed.

Highlights: Spin My History, Come What May, Blessed Unrest

6. Joyce Manor -- Million Dollars to Kill Me: Joyce Manor has never been a band content to make the same album twice, and Million Dollars to Kill Me not only continues the musical evolution that began on 2016's Cody, but manages to run an entire musical gamut in under 25 minutes. Million Dollars to Kill Me shows off Joyce Manor's impressive range, leaping from something approaching hardcore ("Up The Punks") to shoegaze ("Gone Tomorrow") to ballads ("I'm Not the One") to even doo wop ("Silly Games"); lead singer Barry Johnson likewise moves between the frenetic, frantic yowls of "Up The Punks" or "Big Lie" to the gentle, sing-songy joy of "Wildflowers," revealing new facets to his voice and thus finding new notes for Joyce Manor to hit. Underneath it all, though, lies some wonderfully classic emo, with Johnson channeling intelligent, introspective, and bittersweet lyrics into each and every track. Not every song on Million Dollars to Kill Me is going to work for every listener, but every single one of them is guaranteed to leave an impression. 

Highlights: Big Lie, Million Dollars to Kill Me, Wildflowers

5. Bad Moves -- Tell No One: On first listen, it might be Tell No One's flawless harmonies that most catch your attention, or perhaps the bouncy, infectious melodies of its early tracks. Spend some time with it, though, and Tell No One has so much more to offer. Bad Moves makes some truly ambitious musical leaps here, especially on tracks like "Out of Reach," whose bridge and outro layers several different, contrasting harmonies over a darkly ominous riff; it's the musical equivalent of standing at the edge of a hurricane, and it's exhilarating. Ultimately, though, it may be Tell No One's lyrics that leave the greatest impression. Bad Moves creates anthems for those on the outskirts of society; Tell No One features songs about dealing with disappointing your family, forbidden romances, dark family secrets, growing up queer, facing police harassment, and the toll hiding parts of yourself can take on you, but also some uplifting tracks about using everything you've got to make life better for everyone around you. There's albums I liked more this year, but I don't think there's any lyrics that hit home for me harder than the ones on Tell No One.

Highlights: Spirit FM, Out of Reach, Missing You

4. The Get Up Kids -- Kicker: Kicker is the Get Up Kids record I've wanted for more than a decade now; it's a band recapturing lightning in a bottle. The first three tracks channel the pop-punk glory of the Red Letter Day/Something to Write Home About era without copying it wholesale (there's a rawness to the guitars and Matt Pryor's voice that was absent on those releases; it's very rock and roll), and the lyrics take that trademark Get Up Kids earnestness and update it for 2018, with Pryor and Jim Suptic tackling topics like regret, responsibility, and family with the same honesty and emotional intensity they once saved for tales of adolescent love and heartbreak. And then comes the closer, "My Own Reflection," which sounds like nothing the Get Up Kids have ever done before, a track driven by one of James Dewees' best synth-lines, some propulsive drums, and a striking, surprising bit of profanity. It's somehow upbeat and downbeat simultaneously, totally bittersweet, and thus emo in a nutshell, while also transcending so many of the genre's (and this band's) most common cliches; if these four songs are the future of the Get Up Kids, then it's a bright one indeed. The main reason Kicker isn't ranked higher on this list is because it's an EP rather than a full record (it's harder to keep this level of quality up for 12 tracks instead of 4), but let's not mince words: every single song on this EP is perfect.

Highlight: My Own Reflection

3. Save Face -- Merci: Merci would be ambitious even if it wasn't Save Face's debut release -- it's a concept album about addiction and the way it can destroy lives and relationships, accompanied by music videos for each and every track, linking together to form a visual novel of sorts. What's even more impressive than all that ambition, though, is the fact that it all works -- the overall concept forms a compelling narrative on its own, but should still resonate with anyone who's dealt with addiction or mental illness, with heartbreak and loss, with self-hatred or self-destructive habits. All those ideas are packaged within some truly explosive tunes -- Save Face's riffs are so big it's a wonder they can even be contained within the record, and singer Tyler Povanda's voice cracks with passion and mania, accompanied by some cathartic, soul-piercing screams, yet Povanda also has the range to capture the smaller, more nuanced emotions beneath all the outsized drama. The simple melodies reveal more and more layers the more you listen to them, creating a record I've returned to over and over, consistently, throughout 2018. Merci is almost as addictive as the substances its songs highlights, although in this case, that's a feature, not a bug.

Highlights: Bad, Plans, Love

2. Saves the Day -- 9: There's a line from their song "It's Such a Beautiful World" that sums up both Saves the Day and their newest album, 9, perfectly: "Let them say what they say/we're gonna play what we play." That instinct has proven polarizing at times, but as an absolute Saves the Day fanatic, I've always found it a joy and privilege to join the band as they follow their muse, and thankfully, 9 is no exception. 9 is an investigation and celebration of Saves the Day's history and legacy; some listeners have criticized this as being self-indulgent, but Saves the Day has always been a band that's channeled very specific scenarios into relatable and cathartic emotion, and at its best, 9 does just that, from the power and joy of friendship ("Side By Side") to nostalgia and the way our experiences help us change and grow ("Rendezvous"), all of it wrapped up in the power music has to bring people together (and if that last point's not something you can appreciate, then I'm not sure how you even found this list). Meanwhile, "Rosé'" provides a classic Saves the Day diss track that wouldn't feel that out of place on Stay What You Are, while the 22 minute "29" transforms frontman Chris Conley's entire life story into a sprawling epic that needs to be heard to believed. 9 also provides an opportunity for each and every member of the band to show off; lead guitarist Arun Bali continues to highlight his ability to shred in increasingly cool and unique ways, Rodrigo Palma sneaks fun bass flourishes into every song, absolutely taking charge of "1997," and Conley stretches his voice to unexpected heights, be it the yowls of "Side By Side" or the falsetto of "Saves the Day." Hell, they even kick 9 off by writing their own theme song. If you can't appreciate that, this probably isn't the album for you, but man, that is my exact kind of jam.

Highlights: Side By Side, Rosé, 29

1. The Wonder Years -- Sister Cities: I can't remember the last time I've seen an album become an essential part of a band's canon as fast as Sister Cities has, especially considering how far The Wonder Years are into their career at this point. Sister Cities is undeniably a Wonder Years album despite sounding almost nothing like what's come before, and in large part, that's due to Dan Campbell's sheer skill as a storyteller. The songs on Sister Cities pick up the ideas of compassion, connectivity, and home introduced on previous albums and take them global; Campbell discovers the similarities between his relationship and the relationship of a homeless couple despite all their differences, finds a lifeline from his overwhelming grief half a world away, and just overall finds power in exploring what holds us together as human beings rather than what splits us apart. Even the music videos tap hard into these ideas; last winter I wrote about how the video for "Sister Cities" finds power in connection, and its follow up, "Raining in Kyoto," expands upon this by cutting back and forth between life in Kyoto and Philadelphia, showing how, no matter where you go, people are just trying to live their lives the best they can. Lyrically, Campbell just keeps getting better and better, creating vivid metaphors and word pictures and finding perfect turns of phrases; he's straight-up the best in the biz at knowing just when and how to use profanity to the maximum effect (seriously, nobody else should be allowed to use the word "goddamn" in a song until they can do it even half as well as Campbell does in "Pyramids of Salt" or "Flowers Where Your Face Should Be"). Musically, Sister Cities takes big risks, and finds success, in going small more often than not, but reaches its greatest heights in closer "The Ocean Grew Hands To Hold Me," a song that just builds and builds until it reaches this epic swell of pure catharsis that just washes over you like the ocean. Honestly, Sister Cities is so emotional that it can sometimes be hard to listen to. That kind of power is that makes it my favorite album of 2018.

Highlights: Sister Cities, Flowers Where Your Face Should Be, The Ocean Grew Hands To Hold Me

[likeadove]

Anonymous said: just wanted to tell u that i finished wcpah on a train and the fic almost made me miss my stop it was THAT good had to run off the last second hahahahah

Anonymous said: holy fuck bethany you have no idea I'm so sad about this book ending bc for real its gotten me through a lot these past few months (been reading since chap 6 baby) and honestly my only source of happiness after this will be nest of salt. From the bottom of my heart thank you so much for everything youve doen with this story. Its magnificent. (and you wrote the smut wonderfully don't even worry)

Anonymous said: I just can’t. So good. I already want to start begging for one shots.

Anonymous said: That was fkn stupendous and I am so grateful to be able to read your stories <3

Anonymous said: I actually screamed when I saw the lyrics for this chapter. Thank God none of my roommates are home because the whole thing had a me screaming/sobbing. Like how did you manage to make that so beautiful? I cried? They love each other so much and you showed that in the way they did it.

Anonymous said: ben and rey crying after doing it is the most canon thing ever canoned

Anonymous said: I just wanted to let you know that the most recent chapter of WCPAH is amazingly beautiful. it made me sad because ive never had that good of sex lol. your writing was fantastic, everything felt so real and i think you waited until the perfect time in their story for this to happen. you did a fantastic job! Thanks for sharing it with us! :)

Anonymous said: that ending killed me oh my gosh. im smiling like an idiot

Anonymous said: I can't believe it's almost over. It's so amazing and I love it so much and I'm just so sad and happy and idk man. You've done it, like really done it, knocked it out of the park. I'm experiencing such a wide array of emotions and I seriously don't know what to do.

Anonymous said: Me right now: 😭😃😥😍😖🤯😵😏😱😫😘😞😁

Anonymous said: literally one of the most satisfying things i have ever read. you did it. you gone dun it. cannot remember why i wanted them to get down when she was 18 anymore haaa. This is oh so very right. All equal parts sexy, sweet, hot, beautiful. Thank you from the bottom of my reylo heart. what will i do without these two and your updates!!?! excuse me while i re read this chapter for the 4th time. because duhhhhhhhh

Anonymous said: lemme just say my thoughts on the last chapter- aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH im telling you now im gonna cry like a baby when WCPAH is over bc it's been such a wonderful ride and ive been around since chapter 1 was posted and i stumbled across the then baby fic and had never listened to the music Ben and rey do until recently and i found chapter 1 to be cute so i thought id stick around for chapter 2 totally unaware that almost 60 chapters later i myself not wanting it to end. Thank you for this❤

Anonymous said: literally cried when I saw you updated. woman you have done it. you wrote possibly the best smut/fan fiction these eyes have ever read. blown away from the way you lived up to hype for this sex scene- like surpassed my wildest expectations&gave us perfection. ben was so eager, aggressive&gentle all at the same time. we could count on rey to take matters into her own hands. girl knows what she wants. cannot wait for them to fill the house with their art, memories, milkshake machine, dogs&kiddos.

Anonymous said: So, it took me about half an hour to read through this chapter (56), because I had to stop to internally scream, or digest the fact that IT(!!) was finally happen like every two words. Words cannot describe the satisfaction that this chapter gave me. FUCKING FINALLY!!!!! You killed it, as per usual, and I am continuously in awe of your skill. I’m not ready for this to be over, but thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for letting us come along on this ride with you, and Ben and Rey. ❤️

Anonymous said: Idk if this is gonna sound really fucking lame to you, but your story gave me a reason to look forward to a new day, thank you for this! I am so glad i found your story, you had me at "90s grunge Ben Solo"

Anonymous said: First of all, I love you. Second of all, you are a master and a bloody wizard. Third, the last chapter from Ben's POV would make me die and go to heaven. I want to know his thoughts and feelings during *the scene*. Is that on the horizon? If not, that's ok - I'm happy with anything you give us! My brain keeps going over all the saucy details and starts fluttering when I think about what might come next. Sorry for being weird but I FEEL SO MANY EMOTIONS AND IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU.

Anonymous said: That was some pretty dope as shit smut Bethany like holy fuck

Anonymous said: that was literally the best sex scene I have ever read. so real and complex!! favorite fic of all time for sure

Anonymous said: your story came out on week two of my multi month bed-rest-ploza. i have been reading and healing along with these two ever since. thank you for the fluff, distraction, angst, music suggestions and companionship from your story and the world you created. this last update was everything i could have wanted and more. so sad that this story is wrapping up soon. excited to see where you take these two and reading more of your stories. <3

Anonymous said: I just wanna say that 'we could plant a house' was such an important story for me. It actually inspired me to write again IT WAS JUST THAT GOOD. I love you and I want to thank you for sharing this beautiful, heartbreaking fic with us what a fucking blessing honestly you're a goddess, never stop writing ❤️ And like yo when's the next update I'm dying

Anonymous said: Okay so I’ve been here from about the beginning and omg what am I going to do without this fic?! This is definitely my favourite reylo fic and what am I going to read once it’s gone?! I love it so much!!

You are all beautiful, wonderful people. Sometimes it overwhelms me (in a good way) when y’all say that this story helped you through a rough time or inspired you to write/do art again, because it’s so surreal that my silly fic I started in January to get out my Reylo angst and give me an excuse to listen to a lot of 90′s music could possibly have this effect on others. I’m so glad my work means this much to you guys, that you guys have continued to read despite how many times I came for your feels or made you cry. You guys mean the world to me; it’s been so lovely getting to go on this journey with you all. I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do once it’s finished. Be very depressed, I expect. We can all send each other virtual hugs and cookies <3

[natsunoomoi]

Shadowbringers

So I finished the main part of the expansion main story quest a couple of days ago, and I just have a lot of thoughts. Still working through the post-game stuff and all, but dang. It’s so rare these days that a piece of media makes me think this much or that a character makes such a deep impact on me. It’s wonderful and I love it so much on a human appreciation level for our creative arts and feel like it was worth the 9 month time investment of starting this game again and buying the expansion.

That said, I have a lot of thoughts on Emet-Selch and I’m told it’s similar to pretty much everyone’s reaction to him. I went through most of the story ready to hate him and hating him most of the way and not trusting him at all and wishing we set fire to his clone factory and so on. I was so ready for his inevitable betrayal and to kill him after, but I wasn’t prepared for being able to visit Amaurot and seeing his people and getting a glimpse into his past and unending sorrow. And it was just profound how it unfolded and I actually changed my mind in some ways. I don’t hate him at all and rather like him a lot and lament that there wasn’t some way to talk with him to revise and find another way. I’m also kind of angry that I’m made to feel feelings and not hate a villain that did actually act like an asshole throughout the time period of the game. And like, ultimately, he was trying to kill everyone else and commit genocide in order to attempt to revive others long since dead, which I can’t condone and also there’s no proof it would have even actually worked? So it’s an uncomfortable, but satisfying story-wise ending to understand and relate to his motivations, but find his reaction and how he went about the aftermath completely abhorrent.

I completely understand where he’s coming from having gone through profound loss myself when my Dad died. That was so incredibly painful and I felt like I lost part of myself when that happened. There were some things I definitely lost because I had plans for my life that all included my Dad being involved in my adult life, but I threw them out the window basically when he died and wasn’t motivated to pursue them anymore. If it was more than my Dad though and like everyone, I can’t say I would fair much better. I had some crazy beliefs as well at the peak of my grief, and I’ve had mental health struggles that are pretty much cared for now and when those were up I was pretty batshit unreasonable and demanding about some things. I recovered because of friends and a support network and also changing my environment to be out of reminders of my pain and create new memories.

Emet-Selch however didn’t or perhaps couldn’t? Everything was also a reminder of what was lost. In trying to implement his plans, he also went through the motions of having a new life on various new worlds, but none of those relationships or pretend relationships persuaded him that the new life was better or acted as a salve for his wounds to stop him from continuing. I could move to a new environment, but if you couldn’t I imagine that would be torture and compromising your values doesn’t seem like a stretch anymore. Ultimately still horrible, but I can see how he got there and it’s heartbreaking.

Plus like, Zodiark tempered 13 of the Convocation including him, so there’s a question as to free will or how much of the real Emet-Selch we’re seeing. And like, are we automatically tempered to Hydaelyn? I have questions. Like I’m all on-board with you know keeping people alive and minimizing the death and stuff cuz that’s the right thing to do, but when we’re getting up to this crystal stuff, my True Neutral self is like...uh, what’s happening? Like a lot of the game and us killing people has been self-defense or in defense of other people so that sounds okay, but as we go along in the story it’s starting to be ambiguous a bit, but also wonderfully thought-provoking.

But also I’m really uncomfortable with the fact that the sympathy that I have for him and seeing his passion for his home and the people he lost and also because he’s Hades I’m for some reason has gotten me oddly attracted to him? Like I often really hate the clown-ish villains in Final Fantasy like I utterly despise Kefka because he’s pretty one note evil, and like I never really was able to grow sympathy for Ardyn in XV because I just found him incredibly annoying even though I understand his motivations. But like this last bit of arc for Emet-Selch he basically joined the party and helped out, and was not a dick for awhile and did a bunch of stuff to show the WoL what he was fighting for and the insights from his friend’s shade. Like Ardyn was sometimes helpful to and maybe even more so, but his sadism just like killed any amount of sympathy I may have had. For Emet-Selch it’s like the story notes were just right where you just want to ask, how come you can’t talk? Why does it have to be like this? And then his final words. Ugh, right in the heart. I’ve made a complete 180 and I love his character even though I still think he’s a dick. Like truthfully, I did that trial not realizing that that one dude gave you level 80 gear so I did endgame in WHM dwarf attire complete with beard, but my friend told me about the gear and when I found out it was a super cute nun outfit, I did a funeral eulogy for him. A silly one, but still.

But like also I understood his character more when they revealed he was Hades. It’s possible like others say that they are recycling a previous FF boss, but even if a boss was named Hades previously even that has some connotations because the name has that connection to Greek mythology. The residents of Amaurot as well are pretty similar to the Titans in how they are giants in comparison to regular people so their civilization is not so unlike depictions of Mt. Olympus and the Olympian gods. This game is likely only borrowing slightly from mythology, but Hades as a character in mythology is not that unlike Emet-Selch either.  Arguably less flamboyant, but more even than his brothers Zeus and Poseidon and like has an air of a weight of responsibility and gloom cuz you know, ruler of Underworld. I mean, a lot of people also didn’t write about Hades too because of fear of death so there aren’t a lot of myths about him because of superstition too, but the story reveals kind of really ring true to the impressions I had of the Greek god in reading those stories that do exist. Plus others online also see that and are speculating if the others in the Convocation are the Olympians and who the 14th is.

I’m not sure if the text is different if you play as a male character seeing as I play as a female, but his friend mentions he was close to the 14th and says “her”, so to me I think she’s female always? Others have speculated Hestia or other gods close to light, but I was kind of wondering if it would be Persephone? Time will only tell, but the Eleusinian mysteries and such are a pretty popular version of the myth between them, and scholars do seem to say that Persephone did take a bit of a liking in him. In mythology too, Persephone in her role as Hades’ Queen was also pretty feared too, but often was the one who could be persuaded to listen to the mortals’ plight and then she would persuade her husband. So I dunno, I see some correlations in that, but I also just like that story so it’s my secret hope.

[slightlyoutofreach]

It’s been a delight

I had no intention for my first post in my prodigal return to the blogosphere to be about my boyfriend but here we are. I have a few drafts that I’ve been obsessively editing because I wanted my first post to be prolific and to capture my history (particularly, how blogging from 2006-2010 saved my soul) and my essence, but no words or sentence structures or compulsive editing ever fully captured the nuance that I was trying to convey. I think therein lies the problem: intention behind blogging. I wanted my first post to be breathtaking, encapsulating, and stimulating. However, that’s based on the assumption that there is a reader on the other end-being captivated. That assumption alone begins to taint the supposed pure intention of blogging that I initially had. I’m choosing to begin blogging again as a form of therapy, a stream of consciousness, a reflection on my seemingly ordinary life. My life, post college, has been in the words of queen Jenny Lewis a “....gradual descent into a life I never meant”. Some days, things feel nice...serendipitous, even. Other days I can’t breath thinking about how I’m 10 months away from turning 30 (arbitrary shit) and I am still *here* (more on this in upcoming posts I’m sure). I tend to overwhelm the people closest to me with my wordiness and my feelings; I’ve been lazy and neglectful in beginning the process of finding an adequate therapist. I think I have such high hopes for therapy that if it disappoints in any way, I might have another breakdown (painfully aware of how flawed this expectation standard is). I tell my sister, best friend, and boyfriend that I want a therapist who knows what “ghosting” is and who won’t be horrified at how much I’ll want to talk about sex, self-absorption, the LA scene, Tumblr, aesthetics, my parent’s traumatic-to-witness lackluster marriage, feminism, veganism, my first and only heartbreak, and the silly things that give me anxiety. Anyhow, I quickly reminded myself how therapeutic/cathartic it was to crank out paragraph after paragraph then click “post” on my Blogspot during college. I don’t think I would’ve made it through undergrad without my Tiny Thoughts blog. I decided to move on over to Tumblr for convenience and aesthetic purposes. I want to remind myself that I’m going to be writing for my self preservation. I know blogging is much more of a thing now and I don’t know the rules yet but I’ll learn. I’m excited to discard the compulsively edited “First Post” drafts and click post on this soon. It’s all happening.

But first, about the photo. My boyfriend and I work together (Or, in the same building, rather). We’re social workers and both enjoy our job but since I’m a fairly new hire (5 months) I’m still on probation until next month. Although, we decided to be adults and let our manager know that we were seeing each other (thankfully, she was wonderfully supportive) we also don’t want our relationship to be a distraction for us or our quality of work. For this reason, we never interact at work. If and when people find out about us, I’m sure it will come as a shock. Anyhow, yesterday he visited me at my desk (never happens) and handed me this post it. Apparently it’s been a month since we decided to be unconventional (😂) and become exclusive. I’m a shitty girlfriend cause I was completely unaware. The gesture was so cute and stirred me all up. I’m an almost-30-year-old-former-monogamy-hating-commitment-phobe who felt like a giddy teenager getting a secret note from her crush. I’ve been plowing through hella fears and taking chances on this dude for a few months and they’ve all be so rewarding. I’ve been growing so much and learning about compromise, communication (and communication style), speaking my mind, valuing myself and my partner, learning to live in the present and trying new things. I’m also realizing that I, myself, am enough. He’s what I consider an added bonus. Even if things end soon or end ugly, I think it’d be cool to look back at my first post with fondness.

I know, this post is hella cliché but I’m feeling basic and cliché. I’m writing as a form of self preservation; I’m writing for survival. I’m going to be less critical about what I post because if it’s what captures/reflects me in the moment, then what can be more pure?

Welcome!

I like posting selfies (especially when Glossier got my face glowing) and making lip sync videos. I like problematic things and people; I’m still learning. I’m also super into being socially aware and every day I learn about it and my role in it. I’m a social worker but I studied International Relations (economic development in developing countries in Latin America and the Middle East) & Communication (the joke is, I’m horrible at communicating). I speak Spanish fluently and took 3.5 years of Arabic. I love to travel-it’s what I most care about. Getting lost amongst a crowd in a foreign country is, just, everything. A few years ago, I had a nervous breakdown because all I could think about was poverty. I couldn’t function because I couldn’t handle how unjust the world is. I worked hard to shut my mind off in order to stay alive. Throughout the process, I lost part of myself. I think I’m an interesting person but no one else seems to really think so. It’s been a process to accept that it’s okay. I’m looking forward to sharing about myself on this platform so I can learn about myself along the way. I’m hoping to make this a healthy and confident habit. Let the diary games begin!