kestalanonline-34

[fuxuannie]

╭₊˚ ๑︰i hope these words reach you in the universe where you didn't leave my life.

:★: relationship : (filo & modern au) blade x g-neutral reader

:★: warnings : PANGET TAGLISH KO WWHWUWHWSH, other than that .. none!

:★: a/n : WE BACK WITH THE FILO AUS 🔥🔥 plz i would've made this on twt if it wasn't for the bonfire going awn there.. rip 🙏 (no translations for this talaga kase its honestly better for me when its written in tagalog huhu)

"Hi, Blade!

Sana pagnakita mo to, I didn't take 500 years to send it to you hehe. Or infact, di ako natakot and never sent it talaga. Sounds like something I'd do.

Anyways.. I think sobrang obvious naman na gusto kita, I mean childhood friends kami ehhh! Since grade 1 naalala kita sa buhay ko, and I really wouldn't have wished for anyone else to grow up with.

I know were gonna be super busy with college na, and I just.. nakakatakot haha. I know that you wanna move back home para you can be with your family ulit but I just.. Yoko talaga na aalis ka tas wala pa akong sinabi, di yan talaga tama sa puso ko eh. It's not right to torture my own heart with the what if's of life.

So when you read this, it's most likely nasa eroplano ka na or I ran off super dramatically kapag binagay ko to kase I don't want to know how you reacted sa talaga lang. I want to tell you and that's it, you're not obligated naman to return the feelings or ganun! Whatever your answer is, I will accept, and even if walang answer.. I'm sure I'll be okay. :) Gusto ko lang na alam mo that while you're gone, meron naman hihintay sayo hanggat babalik ka HAHAHA.

I really do hope future me gives this to you. I hope you're happy back home, and tell tita naghello ako please!

And I love you.

Ang panget mo, from : (name)."

You feel the paper in your pocket as the car ride to the airport was.. painfully silent. Not in a way that you had nothing to say, but both of you had too much to say. Not enough time as you already see the familiar building within your view, all the while still fidgeting with the paper with uneasiness.

You help Blade with his bags, seeing the dark circles under his eyes indicating he couldn't sleep until this moment. It's clear he's scared too, almost as if torn between home and home, the home he's made with you in the Philippines. "You okay..?"

Blade doesn't realize how he's just been staring at you, shaking his head and giving you what seemed to be the saddest smile you'd ever see on his face. "Wala lang."

You walk him to entrance, each step making your heart feel like it's being crushed by a hydraulic press. Blade went to grab a cart as you stood there and stared at the entrance, not being able to fathom that this was it. This was your last moments with him in person.

"So.."

He cleared his throat while you placed his bags onto the cart, looking up at him with those lost and admittedly scared eyes. Neither of you could hide the pain that came with the situation, both afraid for the future without the person you considered your other half. "I.. I just wanna say thank you, for being here and being in my life."

You chuckle, wiping away a tear as you try to smile. "I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else."

Then you remember the note, digging into your pockets and immediately recognizing its material and texture. You look back at Blade and sniffle, "I just wish there was more tim-"

But before you could finish, his arms wrap around you with such desperation. He held onto you like he didn't want to let go, which admittedly - he didn't want to.

You blink away your tears as your head rests on his shoulder, it's all going so fast. The day had long disappeared and the sky shifts to a dark blue, you hug him back as tightly as you could.

And in the moment, your heart drops at an idea.

"What if he falls inlove with someone he could actually be with?"

I mean.. the idea was possible, long distance relationships are.. hard. Certainly not for the faint of heart, and you'd both have to be ready for years of no physical contact.. not to mention being busy with college.

He could be with someone that's there for him 24/7, who can be the pillar to support him when you couldn't. Someone he deserves, and is one drive away, not on the other side of the world.

You were just about to slip the note into his pocket, but your hand stopped and you crumpled the letter in your own sadness.

"Uh.. Blade, I think it's time to go." You muttered, hesitantly pulling away even if it hurt your heart to do so. "Take care, okay?"

He smiles at those words, knowing you were his reminder to do so. "I'll do so for you."

That answer made your heart ache.

But Blade notices a piece of paper in your hands. Intrigued, he asks; "Ano yan?"

Taken aback by the fact he noticed, you tear up the paper and try to laugh it off. "Wala, just trash." But Blade rolls his eyes and takes it from your hand, despite your small gasp of surprise. "I'll throw it out."

You were.. hesitant about that, but you agree nevertheless.

You two share a little more time to talk before he realizes the time, and not wanting to be late for his flight - he decides that it's time to go.

"Thanks again, don't miss me too much." He teased to ease the tension.

You scoffed. "As if I'd miss you."

He loved it when you played along with his antics, he was really going to miss this. "Bye, (name)."

You stayed strong for these last moments, holding your tongue to stop yourself from crying out how much you loved him.. and begging him to stay.

"Goodbye, Blade."

[caramelmochacrow]

i read your kyoshino fic (the one where they go to the philippines) and i was honestly shocked that they were able to find a cab that fast 😭️😭️ i was in manila like a few months ago n it took us like 30mins to get a grab car from robinsons (just robinsons !! the airports must be even worse..) back to our hotel room 💔️ there was a longass queue waiting outside for a cab too … just travelling around in manila is such a pain

idk you don't need to respond to this but it seems like luck was on their side to avoid having an awkward convo which made me giggle

dkgjidkjfisdkjf thank you for telling me this lol (i love getting asks about my fics dw)

i never properly looked around manila myself whenever me and my family went, i usually just go to places close to it like pasig or tiendesitas lol (this might be a hint as to where they might go next lol) i think from what i recall from writing that part because of me staying up so i could be in their headspaces (method acting wow) i thought the reason why they could've gotten a taxi quick was bc:

1. it was the close to the middle of the night/early morning, so people needing to use taxi might not have been much

and 2. bc i honestly forgot how much of a pain commuting around was back then.

when i went to visit my tito, it would take us HOURS to just get in a van to go home, there would be a line long enough to the point it was half the perimeter of this mall. it was terrible. me and my older sibling would just talk to each other or play games to keep us busy for the long waits. my family borrowed a friend of ours' car to use so we didn't need to commute much after that lol

anyway, ignoring my sidetracking abt how shit commuting is in PH, im glad i made u giggle abt how lucky they were :thumbs-up:

[allovertheworldblog]

South Korea to New Zealand via China

I take the brand new trainline to the airport.

The train is full of information, almost an overload.

On TV screens close to the door of each carriage departure times of planes are displayed.

Then it’s time for news headlines, sports news and world weather forecasts. 

The news tells me that Switzerland has leased a pier in the north east of North Korea; Seoul shares inch up on institutional gains.

The other stories deal with college tuition fees; military medical services; household debt; North Korean military intentions; and that South Korea is to develop an unmanned research ship.

The airport is big, but doesn’t feel overwhelming.

There is much thought given to the traveller and it’s almost a pleasure to be there.

I have no onward flight out of New Zealand, because I don’t need one.

The lady who is checking me in for China Southern Airlines tells me that I should have one.

She’s pretty nice about it. It’s an advisory, not a strict requirement on the part of New Zealand she tells me but I can’t check in without one.

A lady from Korean Air can sell me a refundable ticket for 1 million Won, about 680 Euro.

Instead I buy a flight online myself, from New Zealand to Australia for 100 Euro.

There are no newspapers on sale in the airport.

There isn’t even a bookshop, so I read the newspaper on the plane, the Global Times, a Chinese government sponsored newspaper. 

It’s full of wacky, weird and wonderful stories.

There’s a picture of Colonel Gadaffi playing chess with the Head of The World Chess Federation, who claims that chess is a gift from outer space, he also claims to have been abducted by aliens.

There’s news of a new high speed rail line to connect Beijing and Shanghai which goes at 300km/h, with tickets priced at 555 Yuan, or you can go business class for 1,750 Yuan.

There are also 250km/h trains that’ll cost you 410 and 650 Yuan depending on your class. 

They say there’ll be 63 pairs of trains running at 300km/h.

The article talks about the massive debts that the Ministry of Railways has incurred. A university professor is quoted talking about ‘air/rail intermodality projects’.

Another story deals with the 8,653km long natural gas pipeline from Turkmenistan to China which cost $22Bn, which is designed to 'feed China’s growth’.

Other stories include two Siberian tigers that are due to give birth in China; flooding in Hunan; the latest on Syria and Yemen; baby trafficking; bribery and corruption; financing of a 'shadow internet’ by the US. 

The business pages deal with Chinese GDP, money supply, the CPI, and IPO’s; the growth of luxury spending in China, the fact that Louis Vuitton opened 27 shops in 22 Chinese cities in two years. 

The United States is warned to stay out of any regional disputes that China may have with Vietnam and The Philippines.

'It would not be a wise move’ for the US to get involved.

Events to mark the 90th anniversary of the founding of the Chinese Communist Party take up a full page.

I get the feeling that this story is only covered because they feel they have to, it’s all very low key.

When we land in Guangzhou there is powerful humidity in the air.

We’re so far from the airport that we have to board a small bus to bring us to the terminal.

All the likewise pasty foreigners who are just transiting through China are put aside and our passports taken away.

An official appears 20 minutes later with a stack of passports.

She tries to give passports back to people based on their passport pictures, it’s all a bit hopeless.

She doesn’t believe that I’m the same person as the person in the photo on my passport.

Eventually she gives me my passport. 

I have about 7 hours to wait until my connecting flight to Auckland. 

[sunmarketing]

90 Days Around the World Part 1

Special Editions of Dr. Travelbest Podcast: Part 1 and 2

   Responses to Your Questions….. About the Around the Globe adventure that I recently took.

    1. Tell me about your 90-day adventure. How long had you waited to go on this adventure?

  I took a 90-day trip to every time zone in the world, starting in San Diego to the Philippines, Asia, and finishing in Iceland. It was from May 7 to August 7 when I arrived in Seattle. I was on 18 airlines, flew out of 25 airports, and had 70 roommates at 16 hostels and 17 hotel/AirBNB’s.

  I​ had been planning it for about 15 months. It started out by thinking about round-trip airline tickets and why not just keep going all the way around the world.

  2. What were some challenges you faced during the courageous adventure?

  I​ have a terrible sense of direction. I get lost a lot. There was a lot of mental challenge ahead. I also broke my wrist last May, which was a physical bump. or maybe it made me more human and realize that my bones are more brittle.

  I did not have any role models for this trip. I have never met someone who did this before.

  During the trip, one day in Italy, I fell. I was standing and then went to take a step, but the step was higher than I thought, so I tripped myself in my long dress. No one was there to see me fall. I injured my back, my wrists and bruised my shin. However, I was ok, with a few cuts and eventually healed. It was July 4th. I was not sure I was going to continue the trip. But I did and I’m glad for that.

  3. Why did you go Solo?

  I​'ve been solo before; as early as age 15, I went solo to NY. I stayed there for three weeks with friends, pre-cell phone days. What an experience that was.

Now seemed the best time for me, as I'm an empty nester, and my husband did not want to travel out of the USA. If I hadn't gone now, I might have missed the window of access, health, and courage that it took.

Solo because I didn’t know anyone with the same availability and mission.

  4. What did you hope to achieve on this mission?

  ​1. My primary mission was to bridge cultural understanding through peaceful interchange with locals around the world. 

I joined a non-profit organization called SERVAS, which stands for "SERVICE," and several families hosted me in 5 of the countries, where I stayed for up to two nights for no cost.

It was a way to live like they do and see their lives firsthand. This organization is all volunteer-run, started after WW2 and the mission was relevant to my outreach. I also tried to inspire other female travelers to go places, even if it was uncomfortable at first.

  2. I've written several books on solo travel, so I'm gathering content for the next books in the series.

  3. As a professor, I'm naturally curious, so I wanted to see what marketing looked like in these regions of the world outside of my current experience.

    5. What is the treasure that you returned with?

  ​The treasure is outside of counting countries or sites visited. The treasure is in the stories that came from the people I met.

  One of the comments I heard often was I needed to learn how to pack light, so I tried to teach others how to do this. I carried a “personal item” weighing less than 15 lb./7kg, and it was a small backpack that could go under the airplane seat in front of me. I was on a budget, and this saved hundreds of dollars in baggage fees.

  6. How did you navigate language barriers and cultural differences? Tell us a couple of stories.

  I​n my first country, the Philippines, my daughter, age 28, met me at the airport from Taiwan. She and I traveled for the first week together. That was great as a starting point. She returned to Taipei, and I went to Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. It wasn't until ten weeks later that I landed in an English-first country and could easily converse. I used a lot of gestures and facial expressions and tried to learn a few words in each country.

  In Agra, India, I met a SERVAS host family who was having a wedding. Their daughter was betrothed in an arranged marriage, and I was invited to attend. I was, unfortunately, unable to go to the wedding, but the morning I left, we got stuck in traffic (which included cows, rickshaws, and semi-trucks), and I saw but missed the bus to Dehli. However, we had a high-speed chase and caught up with the bus at the next stop about 10 miles away. It was dramatic and quite an adventure that was unexpected.

  In Tel Aviv, Israel, I was hosted through SERVAS by a mom and her two kids. We went to a peaceful protest rally with plenty of kids and dogs in the community square, where I did not understand any of the speakers, but by being there, I knew that they cared about their community and rights.

  Listen to the next episode next week for Part 2 of this Special Edition. Ask a question of your own.

Check out this Dr Travelbest episode!

[freeyourselfbyjsylm-blog]

21:13 August 25, 2023

Thank you Lord for today. I am here in Mactan International Airport for my flight to Manila. My heart is grateful, thank you Lord, I am able to do this. I love you Lord. This is it, going to Manila alone, my friend Faith (moookie) will fetch me at the airport.

My flight is at 11:00PM, currently waiting here at Jollibee maybe until boarding time. I am a bit sleepy right now. Huehue. Didn't have a good and enough sleep last night because I prepared my things. By the way, I am just using my backpack because I'm afraid my trolly will be disallowed for hand carry. But I remember, hahaha I have to #travellight hahahaha. Now, nagsisisi bat hindi nag luggage. Haha travel light nga pala ako para less hussle? Sana. :D

I just read the conformation of the Malacanang Tours this morning by the way :) Thank you Lord.

I left the boarding house at around 6:00PM. Rode a jeepney (about to ask the Golden Peak guard if there's a jeep passing going to SM when I saw a jeepney coming decided to check fist then, tadaaan God given, it's for SM, thank you Lord) to SM then rode via MyBus to Airport. At Ayala, there's a familiar face to entered the jeep she is one of the scholars of AFPSLAI. :D good to see you... huhu I forgot the first name at that moment (Clarisse Monroid). She parted at SM. :D

By the way, only Maam Lanie knew about this trip of mine to Mnl.

Today, I always see Sir Tommy watching a video on his phone which is unusual. I checked and it's basketball! Haha hmmm FIBA. He's interested in watching FIBA I thought to have a photo there at the Philippine Arena or even watch a game then have a photo. I asked him, "sir toms, kinsa imo ganahan lantawon player sa FIBA?" She jokingly replied, "Ikaw" hahahhahhaha. We'll see sir Toms. XD

By the waaay, arrived at the airport having no idea where to, I just followed the signages, thank you Lord for this experience.

The Guard checked my ticket and my ID of course I presented my passport (haha no sticker yet xD)

Proceeded to the check in area asked to the attendant if there's a walk in check in, but she suggested to do the self check in instead, i have to have the line if walk i check in and I saw thats its soooo long (huhu don't want to try because I want to tell the ground crew to have me at the window seat huhu but I tried nalang) I tried the self check-in the first thing I checked was my seat # woaaah. Haha It states "30F" ohhh, I think this is a window seat, Lord, thank you. But sana window, not aisle or center.

Went inside immediately nalang cause I don't know where to. I didn't know where to go to, para akong tangs talaga hihi paila na first time but it's okay hahahaha. The guy instructed me the way haha. They uses bar code to enter, I just copied the girl infront of me but.. hahahaha the guy helped me instead, geeeerl hahahha then when I am about to the scanning machine, I need to get my bags and all to the tray then the guy said that the shoes are need to be removed, pak geeerl, your socks hahaha imong gipiko raba ay. Hahaha. What I did was I really went there at the edge of the scanning machine so no one can see me fixing my socks as I remove my shoes omyy, haha. I just thought that, they don'tlnow me anyway. Hahahahhahhahahaha. 'Girl, your tiara, aja girl!' XD

Went to the CR (even di kaihion just because I saw it, so I entered nalang) silently screamed in the CR out of my mixed emotions hahahha I was kiligged because of my experience, as well as embarrassed haha. Then when I was out, the faucet didn't function well, myygoowdness again hahaha ignorante ka gorl hahah and the soap dispensed small amount of liquid hahahhaha. I hadn't even air dry my hands because I don't know how to use it.

Rome around to check what around and find somewhere to eat and tadaaan, the last sort is Jollibee. Guess what, Lechon costs 300+ hahaha so Jollibee is the best choice for my budget. XD

EXPENSES

12.00- Golden Peak to SM (MyBus)

50.00-SM to Mactan International Airport (MyBus)

129.00-Dinner at Jollibee

So,

Saan aabot ang 5,000.00 mo?

21:13 📍Jollibee, Mactan International Airport Domestic Flights

[petersasteria]

Five Years - Peter Parker AU

Pairing: Chef!Peter x Writer!Reader

Requested? Nah.

I want to say a big thank you to those who helped me the other day about which jobs to give Y/N and Peter. Thank you to @justasmisunderstoodasloki @notsosmexy @hollands-weasley

PP Masterlist

* * * *

Age: 5 years old

"Peter, be careful!" Aunt May said. Peter giggled and ran to the swing set at the nearby playground. He sat in one of the swings and began swinging. Aunt May sat with uncle Ben on the bench and watched Peter. Next to them were your parents.

"Is that your son?" Your mother asked with a smile. "He's adorable!"

"Oh, thank you! He's not my son, though. He's my nephew." Aunt May replied. "Where's yours?"

"She's playing by the slide." Your mother grinned. Both ladies turned to watch you by the slide and smiled as you successfully slid down and got out of the slide. You ran toward the swing set and sat on the other swing next to the boy.

"Oh, looks like they're talking." Uncle Ben pointed out. Your father chuckled and shook his head. All four adults watched both of you interact.

"Hi!" Peter greeted. "I don't see you here before. What's your name? I'm Peter, by the way."

"Y/N!" You smiled. "Hi Peter! Want to play on the slide?"

"Yeah!"

Both of you ran to the slide and played there. Since that day, both your parents and Peter's aunt and uncle have been setting up play dates. That didn't last long because you had to move to California for your dad's job.

You never forgot about Peter and he never forgot about you. But your friendship with him wasn't as close as you were when you both were 5 years old. You were gone for 5 years years until you went back again.

Age: 10 years old

It was at this age where you met Peter again for the second time. It was summer and you were on vacation. Technically, you needed a place to stay because your family moved out of California and you still had a place in New York. Either way, it felt nice to know that you had a friend living in New York because you could play all day and not feel so alone. Apparently, your mom and May had kept in contact.

Peter was allowed to sleepover in your house and you were glad because he was your first friend ever. Peter would bring some board games and you asked your mom if you could bake Peter's favorite cookies in return. It was pure bliss.

As usual, when your summer vacation was coming to a close, you had to leave because you were moving to Greece. Your family was quite wealthy so before leaving, you took Peter, his aunt and uncle shopping for whatever they wanted as a thank you for allowing Peter to stay with you for the whole summer.

Peter was sad that you had to leave because he genuinely had fun with you. You were pretty sad too, but you were excited to live in a new place. You were so used to moving all the time that you don't know what it felt like to stay in one place. It was sad, really. Peter had to stay behind, but you had to leave and start a new chapter in your life and this new chapter is in Greece.

Age: 15 years old

You weren't supposed to go back to New York, but you did. It wasn't for a vacation or anything. In fact, you were only back in New York for two weeks. Your grandfather, your father's dad, has passed. His passing really took a toll on you. You never left your room and you didn't eat well. Your mom had to ask help from May because she didn't know what to do. And in a hurry, May went there with Peter. After all, they knew what it felt like to lose someone dear to them when they lost Ben earlier that year.

"Y/N won't even talk to me." Your mom said in a hushed tone. "I'm getting worried."

Peter frowned. May looked at him and gave him a small smile, "Peter, why don't you knock on Y/N's door? Convince her to at least eat something."

Peter nodded and before he knew it, your mom was telling him where your room was and he was on his way. He knocked on your door and he heard your voice which was hoarse from all the crying.

"Mom, go away. I want to be alone." You said hoarsely.

"Thank god, I'm not your mom then." Peter said behind the door. You were in shock. The voice sounded familiar. You thought that it could be Peter, your long distance friend. You threw the covers off of you and walked to your door to open it. Lo and behold, it was Peter. Seeing him again made you tear up.

"Hey, Y/N." Peter said softly. "I'm sorry for your loss."

You gave him a small smile as tears streamed down your face, "I, uh- I'm sorry for your loss too. I know I'm months late in saying that, but better late than never, right?"

Peter nodded sadly before pulling you into a tight hug. Thinking about uncle Ben made him cry again. Both of you just stood there crying in each others arms for a while. When both of you calmed down, you pulled away and wiped your tears as Peter did the same.

"I know you're leaving again so, let's make the most of it, yeah?" Peter said. You nodded, "Okay."

The two weeks were spent with Peter and during that short time, he had developed a crush on you. You had developed a crush on him too, but you knew it'd be difficult on your part seeing as you were always away. Your mom and May knew that both of you would find your way to each other eventually.

The day before you left, you kissed. It was special because it was both of yours first kiss. Both of you were young and you liked each other, but both of you knew that you couldn't handle being in a relationship.

"You know, I miss you when you're gone." Peter mumbled against your lips.

You sighed, "I miss you when I'm gone. But these are the cards I've been given so, I'll have to deal with it."

"I'm sorry I can't see you at the airport tomorrow." Peter frowned. You gave him a sad smile and pecked his lips.

"It's okay. It'll be easier to leave that way. I'll come back, though. Wait for me to come back here." You told him. He nodded, "I will. I'll always wait for you. What'll happen to us? I mean, if I'm reading this right, we both like each other."

"Yes, you're reading it right, but we can't be together. Not right now at least. But both of us would have to move on eventually."

"So you're saying that we can date other people?" Peter asked.

"Well, yeah. We aren't dating." You said. "Pete, it's complicated."

"Then, let's not complicate it. Let's just be together." Peter pleaded.

"As much as I want that, I can't handle a long distance relationship." You shook your head. Peter stopped pleading after that. He understood your wishes. The next day, he was visibly upset while you were on the flight back to Greece.

Age: 20 years old

You went back to New York on your second year of college. You weren't living in Greece anymore. Your family moved to the Philippines when you turned 16. Your dad's job was transferred there for a while. After a year, you moved to Singapore. You've been staying there ever since. Your university offered you to stay in New York for one semester as an exchange student at a university there and you grabbed the opportunity.

You stayed in contact with Peter and as soon as you found out that you had one semester in New York. Peter was ecstatic! He picked you up at the airport and he and May offered you to stay at their apartment. You declined their offer because it was too much. Besides, you still had your house there and you wanted to stay there. You did, however, offer Peter and May to stay at your house. It was quite spacious and you really wanted them to stay there. They agreed.

"Wow, I haven't been here in years." Peter huffed as he entered with May.

"I already set up both of your rooms. Make yourself at home." You smiled and closed the door before helping them with their bags. That night, all three of you caught up with each other and had fun. The next day, Peter drove you to the university where you'd be attending classes which wasn't that far from his university.

"So, how are you?" You asked. Peter playfully scrunched his face and glanced at you before looking back at the road, "Why'd you ask? We kept in contact, Y/N."

"I have a feeling that you're still keeping things from me." You chuckled. "So, tell me things that I don't know."

"Peter." Peter said. "Um, I had my fair share of girlfriends. All of which were unsuccessful as you can tell."

"Why? What happened?" You frowned. "You're a great guy, Peter. Tell me about all of them, then."

"Well, my first girlfriend is Michelle. We broke up after a few months of dating because we realized that we were better off as friends. In fact, we're still friends until now. She's really nice and very observant." Peter said.

"That's really nice! I'd love to meet her before I leave, Peter." You told him. Peter chuckled, "Sure, let's set up a date."

Peter stopped by the traffic light and said, "My next one is Mary Jane. We broke up because she cheated on me."

"Oh my god, how awful!" You frowned, but then you turned angry. "How dare she, though! Why'd she do that?!"

"She said I didn't satisfy her or something like that." Peter shrugged it off as he drove again. "I moved on, though. There's no point in dwelling on it."

"That's true."

"My next one-"

"Jesus, how long was I gone?" You chuckled.

"Five years." Peter chuckled. "My next one is Gwen Stacy. We didn't really break up."

"Oh, so you're still together?" You asked, your heart kind of shattering.

Peter shook his head, "Nope."

"What? I'm confused. You said-"

"She died." Peter bitterly said. "That was two years ago, but I still get angry whenever I think about it."

"Mind if I ask why?" You asked softly.

"She got hit by a car." Peter said with no emotion. "It was a hit and run. I hated the world after that, but I learned to let go over time. Gwen would've wanted it."

"You must really love her, huh?" You smiled sadly.

Peter nodded, "Yeah, I did. I don't think I'll stop, though. She was a part of my life and I don't think I could just stop loving her. But my love for her is like my love for Michelle now."

"Ahh, I understand." You nodded as you looked out the window.

"Gwen's the last one. I went on a few dates in between all three of them but obviously those didn't go well. I went on a date with a girl named Cindy and all she wanted was to forget about heartbreak and shit. At that time, I was still grieving over Gwen so I told her I wanted to do the same."

"What happened?"

"We had a one night stand and it was at that moment that I realized... I don't like one night stands." Peter laughed causing you to laugh too.

"Yeah, they aren't my cup of tea as well." You giggled. "But that's my life."

"What do you mean?" Peter furrowed his eyebrows as he turned left on the way to your university.

"After my first boyfriend, I never jumped into another relationship. I realized I only wanted one guy, so I just had one night stands." You shrugged.

Peter stopped in front of the university and looked at you, "Who's the guy you want?"

You smiled at him and got your bag, "Ever since we were 15, you were the only guy I've ever wanted. You're the only guy I'll only want for the rest of my life, Pete."

Silence. You stared at each other in silence. Peter didn't know what to say but he knew that he felt the same.

"I'll see you later, Pete." You smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. You got out of the car and walked to the entrance. Peter got out of his car and shouted, "Hey, Y/N!!"

You turned around and looked at him.

"Text me when you're done and I'll pick you up!" Peter grinned.

"Okay!" You giggled and waved goodbye before entering the big university. Peter smiled to himself as he watched you walk inside. After you went in, he got in his car and quickly drove to his university.

Later that day, he kept his word and picked you up when you texted him. May was at work when both of you got home so both of you ordered some food and talked about your lives while watching 'The Umbrella Academy' season 1.

"I have a friend who's like Klaus." You told Peter as you fed him your food. "I've never seen her sober."

Peter chuckled and took a sip of his drink, "I thought she was like Klaus because she could commune with the dead or something."

"I'd freak out if she did that." You laughed. "But at the same time, I'd ask her if my grandfather was nearby and I'd ask her if she could talk to him for me."

"Well, if that happens, can you tell her to tell my uncle Ben that we miss him and love him so much?" Peter asked softly.

"Anything for you, Peter." You smiled at him. You held his hand and brought it up to your lips to give it a sweet kiss.

One semester flew by fast and before you knew it, you're at the airport on your way back to Singapore. You had fun with Peter, though. You met his friends Ned and MJ and you saved their contacts on your phone as well. You loved their company.

Things between you and Peter were complicated again because you had to leave. Your feelings for each other were stronger than ever, you felt like you would combust any second. You and Peter slept together the day before you left.

"Well, this is a level up from the way we left things when we were 15." You panted and smiled.

Peter laughed as he caught his breath, "That's true. I still can't believe you're leaving again."

"Same here. I'll come back for you, though. I promise you that. I always come back and you know that." You said.

"Yeah, I know. I just wish you stayed longer or forever. Forever is nice." Peter said. "I know you can't, though."

"I love you, Peter." You blurted out as you stared at the ceiling. Peter looked at you and grinned, "Fuck, I've always wanted you to say that. I love you too, Y/N."

As much as you loved him, you still left.

Age: 25 years old

Peter was kind of bitter. He couldn't believe that he was attending a wedding. Ned's wedding to be specific. He couldn't believe that Ned got married first. He didn't expect it. Neither did Ned, if Ned was being honest.

Peter was the best man and you were his date. Both of you weren't officially dating, but Peter wanted for both of you to be official so bad. He wanted to ask, but he knew you'd say no. He hated that. You were only back in New York for Ned's wedding, anyway.

It was at this age when Peter thought he'd be getting married now. He inwardly groaned as he watched you smiling brightly at Ned and his wife. Peter wanted to get married now and he wanted kids.

He wanted to curse you for always leaving him behind. But he couldn't do that because he loved you too much to curse you. You were only staying in New York for three days before going back to your home in London. You were a successful writer there for a fashion magazine. Well, you were part time there. Your other job was at your father's company but you begged him for you to stay in London permanently because you didn't want to move and be a nomad.

Peter was head chef at a five-star hotel in Manhattan. He was living his best life. He lived in an expensive and nice apartment in Manhattan. He was sad that he had to leave May behind, but he visited her every time he could.

Three days have passed and Peter was taking you to the airport again. Both of you got out of the car and Peter took your suitcase as both of you went it.

"Well, this is where we part ways." You giggled softly.

"Yeah." Peter bit the inside of his cheek and looked down on the floor. "Have a safe flight, Y/N."

You frowned, "Thanks, Pete. I'll see you soon."

You gave him a big hug and he returned it. Both of you pulled away and you kissed his cheek, "Bye, Peter."

"Bye." He watched you walk away again and he didn't know what to do anymore. But he wanted to wait for you.

Age: 30 years old

You didn't think you'd ever come back to New York, but since you were working part time in London for a fashion magazine, you were sent to New York for one thing and one thing only.

Four words: New York Fashion Week.

Of course, you informed Peter and he invited you to stay in his apartment in Manhattan like last time. You accepted and now, you were staying there. Unlike last time, you stayed in New York for three weeks. You wanted to have the right body clock for the show and you figured it'd be wise to stay there earlier than everyone else.

It was also an excuse to catch up with Peter, MJ, Ned and his wife. Apparently, Ned has children now. Two children. You were so happy for him.

"When will you settle down, Y/N?" Ned asked you. MJ looked at you with her eyebrows raised in question. Peter looked away due to bitterness.

"Hopefully, soon." You chuckled nervously. "I just need the right guy, I guess."

MJ patted Peter's knee under the table in sympathy. Peter wanted to scream that he was the right guy then and there, but he didn't want to humiliate everyone in your table.

"What about you, Peter?" Ned asked.

Peter looked at Ned and gave him a tight-lipped smile, "I already have the right girl for me, but she's not ready."

You glanced at Peter and he was already looking at you. Both of you knew that he was talking about you. At that moment, your heart was beating fast and butterflies filled your stomach.

New York Fashion Week went by a breeze and before you knew it, you were packing up your things again. Peter just got home from work and he was tired. He saw you packing your things and sighed, "It's that time again, huh?"

You looked at him in curiosity, "What?"

"This." He motioned to your suitcase. "Leaving."

"Oh, yeah." You said as you walked towards him. "I'll see you soon, anyway."

"I don't want that anymore, Y/N. I'm tired of that shit. I'm not your fucking doormat. You can't just come here, brush off the dirt on your shoes on the doormat, and then pack up and leave again." Peter said.

"Peter, you're tired. I think you should rest." You told him.

"No! I'm not tired. I'm telling the truth. I'm tired of telling you that I love you only for you to leave me. Fuck that shit, Y/N/N." Peter sighed angrily.

"Peter, if I could stay here with you forever, I would and you know that." You defended.

"Then stay!" Peter begged. "Please just stay with me. For a moment at least or a lifetime."

"Peter-"

"No, Y/N. Listen to me." Peter said. "You are your own person. You're not mine. But I hope that you'll let me love you. I've felt this way since we were 15! I have so much love for you. I actually never thought I could feel like this, but you proved me wrong. Because even after MJ, Mary Jane, and Gwen, I still wanted you; I still wanted to be with you."

"You're the only guy I want, Peter. You know that. I told you that when we were 20!" You told him.

"It's been 10 years since then and I'm so fucking ready to spend the rest of my life with you and I've been willing to do long distance years ago, but you didn't want that. It makes me feel pain, Y/N. Pain is not an easy thing to ignore." Peter huffed.

"And you don't think it hurts me to leave?!" You shrieked. "I'm in pain too, you know."

"You think you know what pain is? No. Not yet." Peter shook his head. "Pain is seeing your Instagram posts with different guys and then texting me that you love me and how much you want to be with me."

"Peter, I'm so-"

"Pain is texting me that you're coming back to New York for a short amount of time. Pain is picking you up from the airport knowing that a few days later, I'll come back there to watch you leave and go back to whatever country you're currently living in. Pain is not asking you if you want to be my girlfriend because I know you'll shut me down. That's pain, Y/N."

"And even after all the pain you've caused me, I still want to be with you because I know that you were meant to be with me. I've had enough of you leaving, Y/N. Why can't you stay for once?" Peter asked.

"I can't and you know that." You said. Peter nodded, "I know. So you know what? Just go back to packing." He went to the living room and laid down on the couch. You sighed and went back to his room that you shared with him and packed your things again.

The next day, Peter didn't take you to the airport. And you still left.

THREE MONTHS LATER...

You were in the comfort of your own apartment in London when you heard a knock on the door. You furrowed your eyebrows and stopped what you were doing. You walked to the door and gasped when you saw Peter with a suitcase and a bouquet of flowers.

"Peter? What are you doing here?" You smiled and let him in. He gave you the bouquet of flowers and kissed your cheek.

"I'm sorry for the way we left things and I decided to visit you here. I finally got a break from work." Peter grinned.

"Thanks, Pete." You blushed. "Make yourself at home!"

Peter looked around and saw boxes, "Leaving again?"

"Yeah, I'm moving to Paris." You sighed. Peter nodded and he knew he had to make a decision. His first plan was to get you back but he had to change that ASAP.

"I'll quit my job." Peter blurted out.

"What?! Why?!" You shrieked. Peter loved his job. "They pay you so well there and you have an amazing apartment!"

"I'm willing to give it all up for you. I'm tired of this waiting thing. So, I'll go wherever you'll go and I'll work anywhere; at hotels or restaurants or even food trucks for all I care! I just want to be with you." Peter ranted. Your heart swooned.

"You're willing to let go of those? For me?" You smiled. He cupped your face with both of his hands and nodded, "Yes, because I love you. I want to settle down with you now. There's only one condition, though."

"Since you're dropping everything for me, the least I could do is follow through your condition. What is it?" You grinned.

"We'll get married in New York. I want my only living family member to witness our wedding." Peter said.

"Deal." You grinned and pulled him in for a kiss.

You finally became official after that. Both of you ended up moving to Paris and Peter had a decent job there. You were now working full time at the same fashion magazine. A few months later, Peter proposed and both of you flew to New York to plan your wedding there. You worked from home and Peter kept his word; he really did work anywhere. He was currently working at a restaurant.

Your parents flew to New York in time for your wedding with Peter and Ned was happy for both of you. He was just annoyed that it took both of you such a long time.

Your wedding was perfect and your honeymoon was in Maldives. Peter was having the time of his life with you and you felt the same.

"I came so far... only to end up here with you and I fucking love it." Peter sighed happily in contentment.

"Same here." You grinned. "And I think now's the best time to tell you that I'm pregnant."

Peter looked at you in shock and smiled, "Really?!" You giggled and nodded. Peter hugged you and mumbled, "I love you."

"And I, you."

* * * *

Geez, it's nearly 2am now lmao but i hope yall like this

𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @myblueleatherbag @harryismysunflower @buckys-little-hoe @justanothermarvelmaniac @itstaskeen @sandystoriess @heeeyitskay @slytherin-chaser @quaksonhehe @yaya4302

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @marvelousell @justasmisunderstoodasloki @rubberducky-jrr @petersholland @osterfieldnholland @miraclesoflove @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @perspectiveparker @hollands-weasley @itstaskeen @call-me-baby-gir1 @the-panwitch @iamaunicorn4704 @chloecreatesfictions @holland-styles @halfblood-princess-505-deactiva @spidey-reids-2003 @herbatkazmiloscia

[theexecutionerssong]

SKAM FRANCE BTS MASTERPOST

This is a master post of BTS anecdotes told in interviews, at cons, screenings and on social media. Don’t click the read more if you don’t want to lose some of the magic. I know sometimes knowing too much of how a show was shot can ruin it. Also, it’s very obvious that there was more promo starting around season 3 than for the first two seasons, don’t hold it against me. Feel free to message me if you think of something else as I must have forgotten a ton of things.

CASTING, REHEARSALS, BTS IN GENERAL

Skam France had the rights for the 4 seasons first but had to follow the original script almost to a T for the first 2 and if the audience was big enough then they would be allowed to distance themselves from OG

Skam France casted actors that were as close personality wise to their characters as possible, which made it easier for the cast to identify with their characters and made the friendships developping between the characters more believable since it was also developping off screen

They were not allowed to cast underaged actors who would have been closer to the real age of the characters due to the long hours of the shooting conditions

Most of the actors come from theatre and many had no or little previous experience with shooting for a camera before

The cast isn’t allowed to watch the clips before they air.

Most of the clothes they wear in the show are their own.

During rehearsals of the first seasons, Philippine went to the board with everyone’s names on it and wrote something funny next to Zoe’s name and wanted to send it to her but she messed up and published it on her ig stories, leaking the entire cast when it was still supposed to be a secret.

Lula’s first reaction when she got the script and “met” Daphné was “oh no I’m scared. I just want to slap her, she’s insufferable”

Assa almost didn’t audition for two reasons: the casting call didn’t specify they were looking for a woman of color and French casting calls almost always say whether they are specifically looking for a black woman. If it says nothing then they are usually looking for a white person. She thought she had no chance because of that. Second reason, after accepting the casting call, she did some research and found out OG Sana was from the Maghreb and she’s not. But her agent convinced her to go through with it, the only thing the skam france team wouldn’t negotiate was that they wanted a Muslim actress. There was no way they would have casted a non muslim actress/actor for Imane and Sofiane.

Skam France was the first TV show on French TV to have a black muslim  woman wearing a hijab as a main character

Paul, Robin and Axel knew each other before shooting, they’d met in Avignon.

Coline was still in her last year of high school when she shot the first two seasons.

Niels is the one who came up with a raccoon as Eliott’s spirit animal

They shoot about 15 minutes of usable content per day which is impressive (it’s usually 2-3 for movies released in theatres, 5-7 for TV programs)

When France TV told David the first two seasons were a success and they were renewing the show, he gave them a list of things he wanted to change so that he’d agree to come back to direct the next seasons, including a different camera, renewing the writers team (they included Niels), storylines, the ig content, etc. The new camera they got was a SONY Venice which allows them to play a lot with the focus/blur ratio and the cold and warm undertones, which made a major shift in the visual quality of seasons 3 and 4 compared to the previous 2.

David named Eliott after his son.

Having the teaser from Eliott’s POV was David’s idea. It’s the first remake to have a clip from the French Even’s POV

The bus stop from season 3 is fake, it doesn’t exist. It wasn’t even shot in Paris itself but in Saint Ouen.

Maxence didn’t watch OG - besides the towels in the bathroom clip - because he wanted to create his own Eliott without being too influenced, and he didn’t watch s1 and 2 of skam france either because he wanted Eliott to discover the characters without knowing their backgrounds.

Maxence wasn’t supposed to audition. He wanted to be done with his acting school before shooting anything but the head of the casting team came to watch a public class at his school and asked him to audition for Eliott at the end. David and Niels knew right away he was the one. Niels watched the audition tapes and was very impressed with another actor but within the first 3 seconds of watching Maxence, he knew it wouldn’t be anyone else. Maxence met Axel after the 3rd call back and they clicked right away. He’d broken his foot two days earlier so he was in crutches. They watched Even’s manic episode and had to improvise a similar scene but had to do with the crutches. They also went for a drink before shooting and they talked for hours, their connection was instantaneous. 

When he learned Maxence was cast, Axel went on his instagram and saw the model pictures and thought he was way too hot with the abs and everything and he himself would look like a potato during the nude scenes next to him. So he got a coach and for 3 months he trained and got on a very strict diet. He was disappointed that there were no shots where you could actually see his abs properly in Skam. He had also said months before that he had gotten a coach because before they started shooting seasons 3 and 4, he had met up with Marilyn to get advice on how to carry a season and she had told him to get a coach otherwise he wouldn’t be able to keep up with the pace. So what is the truth?

It leaked that Maxence was casted in July 2018 because someone on a Korean website recognized his shoes in an IG story from when he’d been spotted at the airport months earlier but it was kept mostly under wraps. Then his and Lais’s names leaked too a couple of months later but most people hadn’t seen his face before the trailer.

David asked Axel and Maxence to give up their phones and social media during the couple of months they were shooting to be really focused and not get distracted by the outside world and they mostly did. Axel bought an mp3 to still have music, he wrote “LUCAS ♥” on it with a white out pen. He created a playlist for Lucas, including songs like Run Boy Run and I love you by Woodkid, and To Build a Home by the Cinematic Orchestra.

Maxence’s process to get ready for a shot: he does yoga and dances a lot in the morning. he puts music on and paces a room while picturing himself standing on the edge of a cliff and if at some point he feels like falling and loses his balance, it means he’s got it. He asks that all the scripts he gets be printed on the right side of the page and on the left he takes notes about what the character is feeling through 7 different states: love, hate, fear, power, vulnerability, sex and i hate myself for not remembering the last one. To play a scene properly, you have to conjure up 4 states to create one emotion. He loves that David respects his method and is able to adapt to every member of the cast’s method. He also uses his body as a tool, for example if his character has to feel lonely or unsure, he will curl up into a ball for an hour without moving and then he’ll be in the right mindset because his body is telling him he’s isolated. That’s the method he used for Eliott, he created “lost scenes” that weren’t in the script, moments in between scenes with Lucas, to get more into Eliott’s mindset.

Maxence wrote a letter to Eliott, drew a picture of him, and spent hours adding notes to the script about his personality before even trying to get into his mind. 

There was a contest for the drawings in season 3. Maxence participated but didn’t get picked. Jeanne Lelièvre did!

All the social media content for seasons 3 and 4 were shot on the same day in December 2018 which is why you can see heavy winter clothing even when the content was published in May. For season 3, most ideas were Axel’s, and Maxence said no to 90%. 

While shooting for seasons 3 and 4, Axel was also on stage every night for theatre

To prepare for his role in s3, Axel watched CMBYN, Moonlight, and The Office 

They received more feedbacks from international fans than French ones at first. It was even a private joke between Niels and David, there were no comments in French on Youtube. Then the piano clip happened and David’s phone went crazy with notifications. He was in the editing room with Jérémy and the buzzing from his phone was non stop. They banned phones in the editing room after that.

Skam France owes part of its popularity to how accessible the cast and crew are, either on social media or IRL, with 6 entirely free events organized to get the fans and the cast and crew to meet, watch episodes together and have Q&As during seasons 3 and 4.

Skam France shooting locations have become extremely popular for the fans to hang out at and leave little mementos, to the point that the mayor of Paris has asked the team to pick completely untraceable locations, or make sure they are not in Paris itself for the next seasons

Skam France was the first remake to get renewed for 2 (possibly 4?) original seasons

Alexia and Daphné were supposed to have their own seasons they but couldn’t get the green light from Norway. He got the idea for Arthur’s story quite quickly after but they had to rework the scripts for seasons 5 and 6 a lot. Robin talked to David about his addiction to video games and how it could be a potential theme but in the end David chose deafness instead.

SEASONS 1 AND 2

It was Coline’s idea to make Alexia bi. There was a scene when Alexia mentions an ex boyfriend and she asked David “why wouldn’t it be a girl?” and his only reaction was “Ok. What’s her name?” and that’s how bi!Alexia was born.

It was also Coline’s idea to give Alexia’s colorful hair. She later regretted it because she had to bleach her hair twice to get the blue to stay and it fried her hair.

Assa’s worst memory of shooting s1 and 2 is when the girls have to carry Daphné, she kept dropping her and was afraid of hurting her.

Marilyn and Lula ruined the scene when the girls are having breakfast all together when they are on the countryside because they couldn’t stop laughing over carrots and the crunchy noise it was making. It was the last day of shooting and their nerves were all over the place.

SEASON 3

The first scene in the common room didn’t hit them that much, they didn’t realize the impact it would have because the whole shooting was just David yelling at them to look at each other then stop then do it again then stop etc

Nobody realized how big of an impact the “Moi c’est Eliott” line would have and then when they watched the clip, it was obvious.

The check de gang wasn’t scripted, it was Paul’s idea to make it a running gag. David wasn’t sure about it but after doing it just once, he was sold. Basile tripping over the bench was also Paul’s idea but he didn’t warn anyone he was doing it so Xavier started laughing and the camera was shaking so bad that they couldn’t keep it and had to reshoot the scene. They noticed during the editing process that Robin also tripped at the same time in the background during one take so they had to keep that one. 

Lucas playing the piano was Axel’s idea even though he didn’t know how to play properly. He sent a text to David at the end of June with different ideas for songs and David picked the most difficult one. He then practiced anytime he could until they shot the scene in october. It took him two months to learn it completely and then a little more to make it look easy.  (Niels later said it was his idea and that Axel was a cheeky little shit). Maxence had never heard Axel play the song before that moment so Eliott’s reaction is genuine. He didn’t think he’d manage to get in the right state of mind because the apartment was too small for the whole team and they were all very cranky, it was 3 am, but the moment he heard the first notes, he forgot all about it and was completely amazed.

The infiltration party: David asked that Basile pushes Daphné a bit, like shoves her out of the way when they have to run, but they hadn’t had the time to rehearse anything. After a couple of takes, Paul pushed Lula a bit too hard and she fell on her knees quite hard. He felt so bad because he never wanted to hurt her and they all had to take a half an hour break because her knees hurt. David after that was like OKAY NO MORE STUNTS EVER.

Axel got mad at the makeup department because the two lines on his face were not on the same place when they shot the outside scene and then once inside. He got so angry he could have cried that they wouldn’t believe him. So during the shooting he looked straight at the camera and wiped them away with the back of his hand to force them to draw the lines properly.

The first kiss scene: they had been shooting for 12 hours. It was raining intermittently all day so the team had to pack up the cameras often and wait it out when it was too much. They ran 4 hours late. They had a fake rain machine but no change of clothes so they could only shoot once. Below the bridge is not easily accessible, it’s a long path from the gate, so they used ropes to get things up and down from the bridge. They only had one shot. They had already shot kissing scenes but David was always telling them it had to be more passionate and kept yelling at them to use more tongue so for that shot they gave it their everything on the first (and only) take they did. 5 minutes later they were shooting the Remember scene.

They shot all the scenes in the colloc on the first week of shooting. Minute by minute was shot right before Samedi 9h17. They had to restart shooting samedi 9h17 four times because something wasn’t working between Axel and Maxence, they were clumsy and stressed. After taking 5 minutes to themselves with David to remind themselves of how pivotal the scene was, Axel and Maxence said they were ready and they shot the opening scene that made the cut.

The Phase de latence clip : Axel and Maxence felt like terrible actors because they had already shot all the big very emotional scenes and this was a bit tamer since Eliott doesn’t show much emotions. They felt that way about all the scenes shot in the school.

The Fête de trop clip: They shot the fight with the guys 8 times but it wasn’t enough for David until Robin slapped Axel on the 9th. After that they shot Chloé yelling at Lucas. Axel was still out of it due to the slap he’d gotten earlier that he hadn’t expected. At 3am, they finished with Lucas injuring his hands. Axel cracked the metacarpus in his hand and only told David two days later.

Leo has talked about the coming out bench scene and said Yann took it a bit too far and was too dramatic, he was like “i don’t know if i can say that… but c’mon… I mean. C’mon… that’s your best friend… who cares if he didn’t tell you right away, he had bigger problems on his mind, right?”He would have done it differently.

The “viens on n’en parle pas” scene was shot in 50 minutes in the middle of the night on the second day of shooting. Marilyn and Axel’s emotions were briming under the surface so it was one of the easiest scene to shoot.

The hardest scene to shoot for David in s3 was the intervention clip. It was the second day of shooting, the 4th clip of the day. Axel’s first take was not good enough and David was scared it would set the tone for the season. He had a stern talk with Axel. Thankfully, they shot a second time and it was the right one, everyone on set was crying and Axel was completely drained.  

The scene where they go get the couch from the creepy place is the one they shot last for season 3.

The paint scene: they only had one try. Axel and Maxence hadn’t shot together for a week, David had done it on purpose and they’d missed each other. It was shot on a Friday at the exact time it was supposed to happen IRL. The whole thing lasts 14 minutes long. David took their pants off because they were slipping too much. Xavier almost stopped filming he was like “is he serious? did he just take their pants off??”. They shot a part when one of them slips on the ground and the other follows but that didn’t make the cut. There were 25 people on set, everyone in a suit to protect from the paint, but Axel and Maxence forgot everyone and just got lost in their characters. When David yelled cut, Axel and Maxence didn’t hear him and kept making out. David had to separate them. Then they all were so happy that they yelled their joy but then saw all the people who were behind the camera, and everyone was crying, like they had witnessed something too intimate. They showered for an hour, emptied 2 bottles of soap and even then it wasn’t enough, Axel still had paint running down his neck at a party that evening. The music used on set was Dreamer, the Khlar remix. Maxence was upset it wasn’t the one they ended up using in the clip, it felt like a betrayal because it “wasn’t the song they had made love to”.

Maxence fought with the costume department over the briefs he was wearing in the paint scene, because they had shot the PONI scene first and he could remember which ones he was wearing for the PONI scene and he wanted to wear the same ones. He was sure people would notice.

The first scene Maxence ever shot was the PONI scene. 

The boat scene was quite special. It was a big moment for Maxence, he was extremely nervous, so David reduced the team on set as much as he could. Maxence got upset at Axel for being too present during the scene. Being used to a theatre stage, Axel is always a bit over the top, eating his ham with a flourish, stuff like that, but this was supposed to be Eliott’s big scene. Maxence asked for a break and told David that if Axel didn’t tone it down, he’d kill him. That also got resolved quickly. 

The Remember Me scene: the priest is Lula’s dad. Lula and Niels both make a cameo in the church. They forgot to warn Axel that a car was coming when he’s running so his reaction is genuine. He was running so fast, the minivan with the camera couldn’t keep up so they shot it twice. They shot Lucas finding Eliott under the bridge just after shooting the first kiss. Maxence only had 4 minutes to get into the right state of mind which was extremely challenging and during that time he had to change his clothes, dry his hair and redo his makeup. Axel wasn’t feeling very well, he was exhausted after having shot 4 clips that day, but David told him he could do it so he ran on the path to the bridge harder than ever (David thought he was going to hurt his sinews) and when he fell to his knees, he was close to passing out, you can actually hear when he says the first “t’es pas tout seul” that he’s about to throw up / can’t breathe properly. They only shot that part once and after it was done David told them they should hug each other because what they had just done with Lucas and Eliott was precious and a moment to remember.  

There was supposed to be a scene after the Remember scene but it was cut. Eliott is sleeping, Lucas brings him food and starts reading his book and then Eliott wakes up. They say hi, Eliott is confused about the time it is, it’s already late afternoon. He says he needs to leave, but Lucas tells him no. He keeps saying he has to go, he has to go to his parents. Lucas tells him it’s fine, they’ve been warned of where he is. But he says he’s got to leave anyway. Lucas asks him why he keeps insisting he needs to leave and Eliott tells him he just doesn’t want Lucas to see him like this. Lucas tells him he doesn’t mind. Then he starts teasing him, saying Eliott just wants to leave because he doesn’t want to own up to the fact that he lied to him. Eliott is confused. Lucas reminds him that he’d said there was no way he would ever be able to sleep next to a guy that hot (on the boat) and yet here they are actually taking naps. So Eliott must have lied to Lucas about finding him hot. Eliott says he’s an idiot and Lucas tells him that at least he’s not a liar at that what matters is that he is his idiot. “Congrats, you’re now the owner of an idiot… more or less hot” Eliott tells him he’s won and asks what they should do now. Lucas answers that they should start by saying hi properly and they kiss, and when they pull back they just look at each other whispering “salut”. Axel said he was upset at David for cutting the scene because it was so soft and intimate, he called him when he watched the episode to ask why he cut it, but it would have been too repetitive with the following Lundi 17h21 clip.

Lundi 17h21 is the second clip Maxence shot. Lucas’s “T’es beau quand tu rigoles” wasn’t scripted, Axel changed the script, he was supposed to say something about liking seeing Eliott smile.

The Je t’aime scene: the first shot they did was the most emotional one, it was one of the hardest scenes emotionally for Axel. He was crying so so much, he had tears and snot everywhere, and Maxence was just wiping it away so tenderly that David thought about keeping that shot but the snot was REALLY disgusting so they didn’t keep it. They shot it a few more times, except that then Maxence had to leave. So the shot of Lucas saying Moi aussi is actually to David. Axel said it didn’t feel weird because he does love David so it felt true.

SEASON 4

Assa sat down with the team before they wrote anything for the season and told them her whole life story. It lasted 4 hours and she cried when reading the script because they had included so many things she had told them, it felt like her and Imane were one.

Making Assa dance was Philippine’s idea. David asked her what she thought about when thinking of Assa, something that was really her and Philippine said “Dada, you should see her dance”

Moussa and Assa knew each other before since they had filmed together 5 years prior, a movie in which they already were siblings. They feel like siblings in real life.

The worst clip to shoot was on Lais’s first day of shooting, it was the bus clip. The shooting conditions were terrible, there was too much noise, and the crew was tired from having shot the 3 bus stop clips from season 3 earlier that day. David was convinced there would be nothing to save and they would have to rent another bus but the team worked their magic in post prod and it turned out amazing.

They shot the scene with Imane, Lucas and Eliott in class the day after Halloween. Maxence was at a party the night before and lost track of time. He had to take a taxi straight from the party to the set at 6am and showed up in full zombie costume and makeup.

Charles come back: it had been cloudy and raining all day but the moment the camera was on the girls’ faces, a ray of sunlight appeared and the wind blew in their hair, making it a real dramatic moment. Too good to pass on, it’s the shot they kept.

The fight between Lucas and Eliott that we vaguely hear in the background was just gibberish. Axel and Maxence hadn’t prepared anything and Axel just ended up shouting at Maxence things like YOU LIED TO ME BEFORE ABOUT LUCILLE YOU MIGHT BE DOING IT AGAIN ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE and Maxence NO I WOULD NEVER - BUT YOU DID - NO I WOULDN’T - YES YOU DID - NO and they kept going in circles so David was like “guys…. please, you might want to start screaming about something else or this is gonna sound very repetitive” but in the end we can barely hear anything so it didn’t matter much

When Alex comes to pick up Emma to go to the cinema, Assa had a break down and couldn’t stop laughing, hiding under a blanket and making all the girls laugh too with her. David had to scold them a bit to get them to stop.

Lais also ruined a clip by laughing for 15 minutes straight, it’s the clip at Imane’s house when they talk about the fair. It was the longest 15 minutes of the crew’s life. 

The oui oui song during Daphné’s birthday party wasn’t planned, the team just lost control of the cast. Axel started it and everyone followed. The cast are actually terrible extras. They are too dramatic and noticeable in the background so party scenes like Daphné’s birthday were a nightmare to shoot. 

Assa and Laïs rehearsed the Unknown dance clip every chance they got between every take, everyone kept tripping on them in the corridors.

The last sequences they filmed were actually the last clips at Imane’s house for the Eïd. Axel isn’t in the last shot because he had to leave for his play. He actually ruined the very last clip of season 4 by shouting his goodbyes to David from across the corner.

SEASON 5

The auditions for season 5 and 6 were held in June. Lucas was spotted through his youtube channel and asked to audition. 

Coline learned sign language by herself after an initiation class with the whole team. She started signing in July and has been practicing ever since. Robin took a one week class in September and then kept practicing by himself and with the D/deaf people on set. David and the rest of the team also took an initiation class.

Robin doesn’t like water and was anxious about the scenes in the pool. David got in the water with Xavier, Robin and Winona to reassure him and direct them better. They limited the number of extras around the pool because of that.

The place where Eliott works is where David used to work when he was younger.

Coline wrote a song for the season

They couldn’t leave the mural in the high school so they took it off the wall (it wasn’t actually painted on the wall itself) and cut it into pieces. There are a few pieces framed on the walls of Lucas and Eliott’s flat.

[pepayinprogress]

Today's Bad Dream

I was at the Philippine International Airport. I actually don't know what it's really called now. But I meant the original one. The really old one with a flyover for an entrance for international travelers. I forgot what I was wearing but I only had my phone, a 20100 mAh powerbank and charging cord, a card-holder, and my passport. I didn't have a bag.

I had time to kill before my flight. Flight to where? I had not slightest clue. I just know that I had time for coffee before boarding. So I went to a Starbucks coffee shop. It was jampacked and there was a long line at the cashier. I waited for my turn anyway. I didn't have to wait long. I ordered for a "Macadamia Six", which was a very weird name for coffee, and a chocolate chip cookie. I could still remember the coffee name when I woke up because, even when I was dreaming, I thought it was really weird. I guess it stuck.

The lady at the cashier told me to just come back after 15-20 minutes because there were a lot of orders and, because they probably noticed I was alone, so they can save me a solo seat.

So I wandered around. It was nice. The airport people were doing as they should. I had fun observing them and the travelers as well. I passed by a string of shops but I didn't buy anything because I really wanted to travel light.

For some odd reason, I found my way back to the entrance part. I looked at the check-in area and realized there were a lot of outbound flights that morning. The busy humming of bags being hauled to the conveyor belts, people talking, and occasional airport announcements was somewhat peaceful to me.

Then I heard gunshots outside the door. Loud ones. One. Then two. Then too many at the same time. I lost count.

I heard a megaphone being turned on and a Chinese man was shouting something in Chinese. I can tell from his volume and cadence that he was angry. I felt a chill run down my spine. I think he handed over the megaphone to someone else because the thing made a horrible screeching sound. And then a guy. who was obviously Chinese too, shouted just as furiously but in bad English for everyone to drop on the ground and to stop running. The man shouted the same announcement three times before I heard more gunshots. I think there were multiple gunmen because I heard multiple shots go off at the same time.

I was scared. I knew the security men who were stationed at the entrance couldn't handle it.

I ran. I ran away from the area as fast as I could.

Eventually I found my way back to the Starbucks coffee shop I ordered from. It was weird because I haven't even said anything but the people there were already scrambling and panicking. I realized someone in the front area must have been smart enough to leave all the microphones on. Whatever the mic could pick up was announced to the whole airport. That's how everyone knew about the attack.

I was panicking myself. I didn't know where to go nor where to hide. I was about to look for a security personnel when I saw one Starbucks employee sneak to a corner of the room and looking at people--wary. Worried. She opened one of those pillar-like foundation things on the corner of the room and went inside quickly. I immediately realized those things were probably old mini-bunkers. She probably snuck in discreetly so nobody would dare to steal her hiding place. I did the same. I looked for one. And quickly but warily went inside. A weak light turned on inside. I locked the door, which had two locks. I was half-crying and half-trying to keep my head straight.

I made a quick inventory of my things. I had my phone, my passport, my cards. But I realized I lost my powerbank. I must have left it on the cashier counter. But it was too late. I didn't want to risk going out and getting it. Either someone can shoot me dead or another traveler could steal my bunker. I decided to stay inside. I looked at my phone which had 30 something percent battery power left. I opened my Messenger application and sent two voice messages, one for my family's group chat and another for Stephen. As I'm typing this, I realized my dream must have been so traumatic to me that I can still remember the exact words I sent in the voice message in my dream. "I can't explain everything right now. But if anything happens to me, know that I love you. I love you all." Thankfully, the messages were sent right away. I put my phone battery on low power mode and turned on the do not disturb setting. I couldn't risk a single sound coming off my bunker. I was trying not to cry hard.

Then I heard loud footsteps outside, as if heavy boots were stomping on the carpeted floors. I heard doors being forced, even smashed, open. Gunshots. So many gunshots. I heard people clearly begging for their lives. Tears were falling from my eyes as I hoped hard that they wouldn't shoot at the windows and the pillars. One sound from a bunker then everyone else hiding at the pillars, myself included, would be dead men too. More gunshots. Then silence. Radio silence. It was too quiet, I could heard my own heavy half-crying breathing.

I figured that either everyone outside were already dead or they're all just really good at hiding. I remembered the wailing a while ago and dismissed the thought of anyone surviving that shooting spree.

I knew it would take more than a day for the Philippine authorities to arrive and save us. They're always late anyway. So I did the stupidest thing a person in hiding could do. After a few minutes of contemplating, I realized I should try to get my powerbank. So I slowly opened the door. Slowly and quietly. When I opened it enough to see anything, I saw red. There was blood everywhere. Dead bodies of people who were trying their hardest to hide. And there were red stickers--on the dead bodies, the floors, the tables, the walls. There were Chinese characters on them but I don't know Chinese so I don't know what was written. I saw my powerbank on the cashier table. I crept as low as I could on the ground. My plan was to play dead the second I hear as much as a sign of life or a footstep. My phone's charging cord was still attached to the powerbank. It was dangling so I pulled it downwards. I caught the powerbank just as it was about to hit the floor. I then turned my whole body around. I saw that the other pillar/mini-bunkers were still closed and all that I could see were still intact. Good, I thought. I crept towards mine and I slide in blood. I was wet and cold by the time I could go inside my bunker. The moment I plugged my cable into my phone, I saw many notifications from news outlets and even Facebook. "The Chinese had attacked the international airport" "The whole airport is held under hostage" "Many civilians are believed to be already dead"

I was crying so hard that I found it difficult to keep quiet. I opened my Messenger to tell my family and my boyfriend that I'm alive and that I'm in hiding but the messages won't send. The Chinese attackers had cut off the cellular signals and even the wifi wasn't working.

I realized I would have to stay inside the bunker for as long as I could until help comes. But my family and friends have no way of contacting me. More tears were shed. I hated it. I hated being so helpless. I forced myself to wake up.

I woke up crying. It took me a while to wrap my head around it. I immediately called my then boyfriend and told him about my dream. Then I went out of the room and told my mama. Then my papa.

I figured I should write the whole account down.

I know it's not impossible.

It could happen. Maybe not in my lifetime. But it definitely will.

[purplesurveys]

1171

survey by ohsh1t2wksl8

What Rhymes With “AB”?

1. Do you have nice abs? Do you know anyone who has nice abs? Andi works out and they like sharing with me their progress every month. They’re turning out to have great abs. 2. Do you blab other peoples’ secrets? Do you like to gossip? I’d still join in if it were about something juicy, tbh. But those years are also far behind me for the most part; I like taking part in wholesome gossip these days, like if someone from high school gave birth or found a better relationship to be in. 3. Have you ever ridden in a taxi cab before? Where to? Yes, we’ve had to take taxis to the airport a few times. I never understood why; for the next few trips after that we used our car to get to the airport anyway, so those couple of rides were weird. I can tell you it’s not very convenient being squished in a sedan with 5 people, with all our bags to boot. :( I’ve also had to take cabs in Singapore, China, and Korea when we went.   4. Do you know anyone who’s caught crabs? Probably. I just wouldn’t be aware of it. 5. Have you or someone you know ever had a hermit crab as a pet? One of my colleagues from college, Hannah, owns a couple of hermit crabs.

6. Do you know how to dab? I guess. I’ve just never willingly done it. 7. Do you have any clothing that looks drab? I don’t think so. If not black, most of my clothes are in muted, calm shades, but not dull or depressing ones. 8. Do you use abbreviations in place of longer words? Do you ever refer to something as “fab”? Not abbreviations, but shortcuts. I always call delivery fee ‘deli fee’ instead. And some people my age would usually call Starbucks ‘Starbs.’ 9. Does you body have any excess flab? Where? Yeah, my upper arms will jiggle a bit if I shake them. 10. Who do you know that likes to gab a lot? What do they go on and on about? My mom is insanely talkative and will go through 5 backstories before proceeding to her actual story. 11. When’s the last time someone jabbed you with a needle? No one’s ever done it to me on purpose (and that’s very crappy??) but I’ve stabbed myself in the palm a few times while I’ve been embroidering. I haven’t gotten back to it for several months now, though. 12. Did you have a science lab class during school? Yeah, we had separate lab classes in high school. I liked them, since it was fun to be more hands-on instead of just spending 45 minutes listening to lectures and staring at the blackboard. I especially enjoyed when we were allowed to mix chemicals, heheheh. 13. Have you ever nabbed something from a store before? What was it? We accidentally stole a box of crayons from a bookstore once. No one noticed my mom still had it in her hand until we walked out of the store haha. We immediately went back inside and either paid for it or put it back on its shelf, I don’t remember which. 14. Do you know anyone who’s been to rehab? What were they in for? I don’t think so. But this is also keeping in mind that the Philippines is a shitty country with no decent rehab centers because most people believe that those with addiction problems don’t deserve a second chance at life. 15. How many backstabbers have you cut from your life? Just one. I’ve been careful ever since that person. 16. Do you pick at your scabs? Sometimes.  17. What’s the last slab of meat you’ve eaten? I had a few pieces of pork in the jjajangmyeon I ordered last Thursday. I don’t think I had meat at all yesterday. 18. Is anything in your house looking shabby? No, my mom is very particular about cleanliness and she’ll immediately fix up a area she thinks is starting to look shabby. 19. When’s the last time you felt crabby? Why? I’m usually crabby every morning at the start of my shifts, just because I always feel tense about the flood of deliverables that would inevitably come to me; though I do start loosening up once I’m able to figure out my schedule and time management for the day. 20.  Who’s the last person you wanted to stab? What did they do in order to make you feel that way? One of the clients I handle. He was onboarded just this January but we quickly learned that he’s very hard to work with; and my team actually received news super recently that he’s gonna be let go of/is willingly resigning because of the challenges in ways of working. I’m soooo relieved. It was a tornado as soon as he came in. 21. How many tabs are open on your internet browser right now? Continued 8 hours later. On this current window, 10 tabs. I have other windows open though. 22. Has anyone ever tried to get grabby with you when you didn’t want them to? I don’t know what this means...but based on what I saw on Google, does this also mean possessive? If that’s correct, then yeah, it’s happened before. My ex was super suspicious of guys and didn’t like my guy friends for no reason at all, which I found disturbing. 23. What would you put on a Krabby Patty? Oh god, I would just go for the recipe they already show on Spongebob. I would honestly go for the King-Size Ultra Krabby Supreme double batter-fried on a stick though; that looked craaaaazy good on TV. 24. Do you know anyone named Abby? That’s my mom’s name. 25. Do you have one of those grabber claws that helps you grasp things that are out of reach? Not anymore, but we had a toy like that when we were kids. 26. Do you like to play Scrabble? Are you any good at it? I do like playing Scrabble. I think I do pretty well in word games in general, but I think I got even better at Scrabble since I took an actual class on it, so I learned a lot of rules and tricks to be able to win. 27. Is it cute when babies babble? What do you think they’re trying to say? It’s cute but it’s not at the top of my list. I’m guessing they’re just excited about everything since it’s all new to them. 28. What’s the last thing you dabbled in/with? Livetweeting after SO FUCKING LONG. I don’t think I’ve done it in like 6 or 7 years...doing it all over again was such a thrill, and it was as exciting as it had been from when I was a teenager. 29. Do you have any dividers or folders with any tabs on them? Just on my laptop haha, nothing physical. 30. Did your parents keep close tabs on you when you were a teenager? Initially, but they gradually let go the older I got. 31. How high has your bar tab been? Idk, maybe a little over ₱3000? I remember how my friends and I ended up buying a crap load of pitchers and bar food from our usual bar once since we ended up really enjoying our time there. 32. Have you ever made jewelry out of the silver tabs on soda cans? Nope. [a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[et-lesailes]

missing linc // chapter three

series masterlist

pairing: ceo!dad!steve x reader

word count: 2950

series summary:  you are a college student working at a daycare full time during your summer break, and you have grown especially fond of one of the toddlers in your class, lincoln rogers. you are certainly not expecting to develop such a huge crush on his dad steve when you meet him for the first time, but you can’t help but be attracted to the businessman– despite the fact that he’s married. however, as intelligent and mature as steve comes across, he has a few secrets behind his marriage- one in particular he may never be able to make up for.

series themes: romance, drama, age gap, infidelity, smut in later chapters

chapter summary: steve and reader start getting to know each other more. while steve is on his business trip, reader is asked to babysit and ends up seeing something she definitely was not meant to see...

taglist:  @viarogers , @evanstush , @chibi-crazy , @chalamet-evans , @world-of-losers , @songforhema, @sebabestianstan101 , @tanyam93 , @bval-1, @wonderwinchester , @little-miss-exo, @poerebel , @pining-and-tired , @gogomez-509 , @patzammit, @a-distantdreamer, @malthestorytellerblog, @rainbowkisses31, @jbug491writinghelp, @quaiderade, @melannie77, @gigistorm, @lille-kattunge, @teller258316, @rohaintahquil, @deidrashouseofpain, @firstangeldragonranch, @peach-acid, @allsortsofinterests, @xoxabs88xox, @honeyloverogers, @capsiclesdoll, @qrndevans, @mcueveryday, @drkstrangeson, @bangtan-serendipity, @heyyouwiththeassbutt, @cptn-sgrogers, @heyiamthatbitch, @captainscanadian, @kaithezaftig, @morganhoran1671, @booktease21, @hista-girl, @steeeeverogers, @okilover02, @collete04, @sadella-adams, @rumoured-whispers, @aletteredaffair, @shannon124, @isawritesstories, @knuffeltuff, @wxntersoldiers, @kelbabyblue, @macgruberrr, @troublermalik, @deepmuffinspymaker

notes: i swear if the taglist notification thing doesn’t work this time i will just resort to sending out an email newsletter to yall like i just am so done w tumblr ok. anyways, just wanted to say thank you guys for all the love and support you’ve been giving me for this fic, and tbh if you wanted to give a little extra tonight i’d really appreciate it because i’m having a suuuuper shitty night. :c

** please send an ask if you would like to be added to the taglist!

For the rest of that week, Steve dropped off and picked up Linc from daycare, much to you and your coworkers’ delight. Besides his enthralling looks, he was a genuinely charming and kind person, and it was easy to keep up conversation with him. He did not come past 6 again, but he did generally come at around 5:45 or 5:50, which still had Linc being the only toddler left in the class with you.

You supposed because it was just the two of you there with Linc and no other children for you to watch, it had been a given that there would be more conversation. He did not have to rush to get anywhere and neither did you, and so each day became hanging around slightly more whether it be in the classroom or out on the parking lot, chatting just a bit more than the day before. You would make sure to clean the room before he got there so he could walk you out, and you couldn’t help but wish this could be an everyday routine-- unfortunately, he had told you he would be traveling again just the next week.

You now knew a little more about him, and he about you. He knew you were a college student, a soon-to-be junior, to be exact. He knew you studied psychology and that you eventually wanted to work with children and child development. He knew where you were from, your favorite foods, hobbies, interests-- mainly the basics, really, nothing too deep. He had told you that he was a CEO of a pharmaceutical company and that he grew up in New York. He liked running and exercise in general (of course) and drawing-- he had even shown you a few photos of some sketches he did in his spare time and you were blown away, especially upon a particularly realistic portrait of Linc as an infant. He had told you that he loved seeing the ocean and that he wanted to be able to take Linc to the beach soon, hoping his son would appreciate the water just as much as he did.

When Sunday night came around, you were a little sad knowing that you would not be seeing Steve the next day. You weren’t even sure when he’d be back-- when you had asked, he said that it depended on how long it would take for him to get his current project done. Still, being with Linc throughout the days felt even more special than it did before. Now that you knew he got so many of his traits from his father, you felt more connected to him thanks to the many conversations you had shared with Steve throughout the past week.

You hadn’t expected to hear from Steve while he was gone; he hadn’t even sent you a message ever since he got your number, probably because he hadn’t needed any babysitting during that time. However, when a random number popped up on your lockscreen with a message underneath it at 1:30 AM on Wednesday, your heart skipped a beat simply from seeing the name that came with it.

Hi Y/N. It’s Steve. How are you?

Why were you acting like a girl with her first crush over this? You had been about to go to sleep, figuring you probably should since you had to be up at 8, but now you simply had to reply. You saved his number to your contacts before texting back.

Y/N: Hi Steve! I’m good, what about you? How’s the Philippines?

The screen showed him typing already, and you couldn’t deny you were pleased. The thought of having his full attention made you feel unnecessarily happy, but you also needed to force yourself to stop thinking about it so much.

Steve: Great. The beaches here are beautiful, I think you’d like them too.

He was already typing again and so you waited, biting your lip as you stared at the screen.

Steve: I told Tiana that you were open to babysitting and she wanted me to check with you if Thursday night would work. Maybe from around 6:30-9:30? She has a dinner event for work.

Y/N: Sure, I’m available that night! I’d love to help

Steve: I’ll let her know. Thank you- how much do you charge?

Y/N: Would $15 an hour work?

Steve: $25 it is ;-) Thanks again. Have a good night, Y/N.

You blinked and widened your eyes, wondering if he had made a typo, though the winky face told you otherwise.

Y/N: Wait, you meant 15 right?

You waited a few moments, but unlike before, no typing bubbles appeared.

Y/N: Just to clarify, 15. Just 15! 25 is too much!

Again, no typing bubbles. You stared at the screen in disbelief, though you couldn’t help but smile. Not because of the extra money, but just because of him. This was not good. You could not be catching feelings for Steve, it made absolutely no sense. You still barely knew the guy, and he was a married man, for God’s sake.

Putting your phone on your nightstand, you sighed as you settled into bed, wondering if you should explore dating options within your school-- anything to get your mind off Steve.

Thursday came around faster than you thought it would. Steve had texted you the address the night before, and you were now on your way there from work-- your boss had actually let you leave slightly early for once, and so you figured you’d just show up and wait in your car so Tiana did not feel rushed. She had seemed grateful to you when she had come to pick Linc up-- she had assured you she would have him fed before you got there, so you would only need to bathe him and get him ready for bed.

When you turned down Steve’s road itself, you were already in shock as you stared at the huge houses lining the street. Of course, Steve’s was at the very end and the most grand of them all, extending father both horizontally and vertically looking like a mansion right out of a movie. As you pulled into the long driveway, you noticed three cars-- Steve’s Mercedes, which made sense because he had probably been dropped off to the airport, and two others. One had to be Tiana’s, perhaps the other was another car they both used? To be honest, you were surprised there weren’t even more cars in the driveway, if that was the case.

You parked in a spot that was out of the way of all three cars, not knowing which one Tiana would use-- the driveway was quite roomy, and even if you were on the far side of it, it was probably the most convenient seeing she’d need to get out. You were parked on the other side of a rather large Range Rover, your much smaller car practically hidden behind it. Checking your phone, you saw that it was only 6. Eh, you could probably just go ahead in-- now that you were already in the driveway, it felt weird to simply sit there. You were about to open the car door when you noticed movement coming from one of the home’s large windows. When you looked towards it, your eyes immediately widened.

There stood Tiana and a male who was certainly not Steve, engaged in a rather steamy lip lock as his hands moved over her waist. She was continuously trying to pull back but giggling at the same time, clearly not bothered by the situation, gladly allowing him to keep pulling her back in for more kisses. You froze, staring in shock before making yourself look away, completely in disbelief. She was cheating on Steve? Who the hell could cheat on Steve? The more you thought about it, the more angry you got, but you took a deep breath. It was not your responsibility to be upset with her or lecture her, but you could tell Steve about what you had seen. In fact, you were itching to at that very moment, but the curtains suddenly closed and you were frozen again. Had she seen you? Did she know that you saw her? Did staying in your car look too suspicious, like you were spying? To make it seem like you had just gotten there, you quickly got out of the car, sliding your phone in your pocket. You could tell him after she left.

Trying to act as normal as possible, you walked up to the front door and rang the bell. She answered moments later, a smile on her face as she opened the door, though you could tell she looked a little nervous. “Hi there, Y/N!” You smiled in return as best as you could. “Hi, Tiana. Sorry I’m a little early, I got off work earlier than expected and figured I’d just head here. Is that okay?”

“Of course,” she assured, perhaps assuming she was in the clear if you didn’t seem like you knew anything. “Linc actually ended up passing out pretty early tonight, he was exhausted after dinner,” she explained as she let you in, and you couldn’t help but discreetly look around while listening to her; where did the man go? “So you can just sit back and relax-- there’s books in the study if you’re into reading, or the TV has Netflix, Hulu, cable, whatever you wanna watch. Oh, and feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”

She showed you around the main parts of the house just so you would know where everything was, and although you were still tense about what you had just witnessed, you couldn’t help but marvel at how luxurious this house was. It did not even seem like a toddler lived there until she showed you the playroom, Linc’s nursery where he was fast asleep, and even his own personal bathroom. She showed you where his diapers and other personal items were in case he were to wake up before bringing you back downstairs. You were still extremely confused on where her little “boyfriend” could be, wondering if he had actually snuck out of the house-- until she called out, “David? Are you still in the study?”

‘Wait, what?’ you thought, now even more shocked than before. She was blatantly admitting to having this man in her home? She looked to you with a smile. “David is one of my associates at work. We were just going over a presentation we have tonight.”

‘Is it a presentation on French kissing?’ you thought to yourself in disbelief, seeing she was clearly trying to make it seem like they were only coworkers. “Ah, I see,” you said politely nonetheless, then looked up as David came into the room, dressed in a suit and tie matching the shade of Tiana’s dress. “Hi. My name’s Y/N,” you introduced yourself, and he shook your hand with a smile. “David. Nice to meet you.”

“Alright, we should get going-- wouldn’t hurt to get there early.” Tiana picked up her purse. “Thank you again, Y/N!” You nodded and waved them off, waiting until they left before letting out an exhale and turning around, making your way to the living room. It was a little disappointing that Linc was sleeping, considering you had been excited to play with him, but at the same time, maybe it was for the best. You wouldn’t be able to have this conversation with Steve if you were bathing a hyper one-year-old. Plopping down on one of the leather couches, you took your phone out and typed a message.

Y/N: Hey Steve, are you busy right now? Think you could call me?

You figured telling him over the phone would be better rather than simply in a text, and besides, you did not exactly want potential screenshot evidence that you were involved in this mess, if it were to somehow come back to bite you in the ass. Your phone dinged a few minutes later and you immediately turned it on silent, even though there was no possible way Linc could hear it all the way from his nursery. The only reason you would even be able to hear him was because of the high tech baby monitor on the TV stand.

Steve: In a meeting right now, so unfortunately I can’t at the moment. Why? Is everything okay?

You couldn’t help but take note that he was texting you despite being in a meeting, but then reminded yourself to stay focused.

Y/N: I saw something and I wanted to talk to you about it. Just call me whenever you’re free? Linc is sleeping so I should be able to answer.

Steve: Sounds good. You’re okay though right?

You hated how nice he was, how thoughtful-- only because it was making you more angry that Tiana would have the nerve to cheat on him.

Y/N: Yes I’m okay it’s not about me or anything. Just call me as soon as you can okay?

Steve: Ok. Talk to you soon.

You started scrolling through Instagram to distract yourself, but you still couldn’t believe it. This probably had to do with what Stephanie had been saying about Steve and Tiana seeming to have an odd relationship based on how they acted with one another; had Tiana really been cheating for that long, though? How could she live with herself? You felt so disgusted with her, getting more and more irritated that she couldn’t appreciate what literally any woman in this universe would-- being married to Steve Rogers.

You realized you weren’t even looking at the photos on Instagram but rather absentmindedly continuing to scroll with your thumb; God knows how many you had missed. Sighing, you swiped out of the app and leaned back on the couch, resting your head back and staring up at the ceiling. What would happen now? Were you about to destroy a marriage? You felt guilty thinking about it that way, but it had to be done, right? It was wrong to withhold such information from Steve, he deserved to know.

Thankfully your phone rang, and you answered it almost immediately, just wanting to get this over with. “Hi, Steve. Thanks for calling me…”

“Of course, Y/N. I have a bit of time before my next meeting. What’s going on? I gotta say, you’re worrying me here…”

You wished you could tell him it was alright, but you really couldn’t, and you felt horrible.

“I, uh-- there’s really no easy way for me to say this Steve, but… um, well, I got to your house a little early,” you finally began, trying not to be so tongue tied. “And I saw Tiana in the window and… w-well… she was kissing another guy.”

There was silence for a few seconds, and your heart was racing. Why were you drowning in anxiety over here? You could only imagine how Steve felt in this moment. Was he just going to hang up on you? Was he going to explode? Was he going to cry? You didn’t know him well enough to know how he would take news like this, and each second was killing you.

“I.. see.” He finally spoke, and you bit your lip, wondering if he was maybe still processing. He sounded strangely emotionless, but perhaps that was how he showed his own disappointment or upset feelings. “I-- uh, wow. Thank you for telling me, Y/N.” You blinked. How was he so composed? Was this what being an adult was about? Maybe he was far too mature for you, because had you been in his shoes, you would have probably been flipping out. “Are you okay?” you somewhat blurted out, wondering if he was maybe just bottling up his feelings. “You.. you can talk to me about it, if you want, I mean I know it’s none of my business and that we barely know each other and that I just take care of your son but-- I, I’m sorry, I just--”

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he cut you off, and you swore that based off the sound of his voice, he was even smiling a little. “I really appreciate it. I think I just need some time to process and think about all of this. I wasn’t really expecting a call like this, you know?” You immediately nodded despite the fact he couldn’t see you. “Yeah, yeah of course. I get it. I-- I guess I’ll let you go, then? Again, I’m sorry, I just thought you should know… it felt wrong if I didn’t tell you.”

“Of course. You did the right thing.” Steve assured you, and you felt a weight lifted off your shoulders-- and then you felt guilty for even having that weight there in the first place. You had no reason to be feeling as if you were the burdened one from this. You wanted to help him as best as you could, but he was right. He needed some time to himself. “I’ll talk to you later, Y/N.”

You said your goodbyes and hung up, a loud sigh escaping your lips. You were still in shock over how… calm he was. Part of you wanted to sneak up to his and Tiana’s room to try and snoop around for more information, but you knew that was going too far. If anything, his maturity about the situation was actually somewhat inspiring, and so you picked up the remote and turned the TV on, telling yourself to stop thinking about it.

[fashournalist]

I tried sharing directly from Google photos and turns out, it shows the order in reverse 😄

So here's how my HPAIR Harvard 2016 unfolded!

As I blogged recently, I got my tickets 11 hours before my flight. Whew!! It almost didn't happen, but it did. God granted my wish to fly for free. My conference fee was waived already after being one of the top three ambassadors, and I had free accommodation as well. I just needed the flight. Thank you Lord Jesus for doing the impossible!! I had a photo with the flight attendant and Captain Buenaventura as well :) Actually, they even brought me to the cockpit of the plane!! I guess I'll share that in the coming days. I can only share ten photos at a time on tumblr hehe (unless it's a full blog post in itself...which, I usually procrastinate :( )

After accepting PAL's tickets, I had to go back to LB to fix my pink suitcase (the same suitcase I brought to Harvard two years earlier, during my first HPAIR) imagine the cramming!!! I only had 11 hours to travel back to LB, pack my things, then head to NAIA. Sigh, it feels surreal.

I couldn't help but hear Himala by Rivermaya in my head as I was processing what's happening. Remember in my previous blog? I was walking in Taft Avenue on January 31, without knowing how I'll get flights yet, and then I stopped outside Mang Inasal because I heard that song. Then I sighed, uttered a prayer and looked up—and I saw an airplane right that very moment! I took that as God's confirmation that He's got me, and He's going to get me that flight. I just have to believe and take action. I thank God for giving me this audacious faith.

Eleven days later, with tickets in my hand, I just found out that my connecting flight is Vancouver. Yayy! It was my first time step in Canada (only at the airport though haha, see sixth and seventh photos). In 2014, my Cathay flight's stopover was Hong Kong so it's good to land on a different country this time.

Though, what I loved about HK stopover was, it meant the flight to the US would be longer. I think I had a 16-hour flight. I love long flights (and long bus rides), especially when I'm at the window seat :D I get to have an alone time watching movies or listening to music 30,000 feet up in the air. It's a time to reflect. Sigh, I remember staring at the stars and I feel like I'm floating, that I'm one with the sky, that the stars are beside me and I could grab them.

I remember saying, this all feels like a movie with all the plot twists that are hard to believe...except, they were happening to me. It's not a movie. This. Is. Real.

Another hiccup was, guys, I only had less than 50 dollars for my pocket money!!! And I would be staying there for 10 days. Yes.

It was taking a leap of faith literally every step of the way.

My parents planned to send me money from the funds they'd be raising when I get there (it was all impromptu since I just got the flight) but spoiler alert: I wasn't able to get the money because I couldn't find any near Western Union outlets near Harvard. When I found one in New York (a week later) well, they said I should have withdrawn it in Massachusetts!! A kind stranger even fought the WU employee for me haha but as frustrating as it is, rules are rules.

So there, another plot twist was, even though I discovered my pocket money wasn't enough to get me from New York to Boston, a guy from my flight was actually going to Harvard, too. He approached me and said he's also going to HPAIR. So we went together. And at the ticketing office, boom. I had to eat all my pride because I had no choice. I don't like debts but I also don't like to be stuck there or, ask six strangers for one dollar each to complete my fare. Luckily, he let me borrow a few dollars. When we reached Boston South Station, we needed another ticket. Wew. I owed him a total of $11. I swear everytime I saw him I felt like I was seeing the number 11 on his forehead. I wanted to pay right away, but I couldn't get my money. Fast forward, I was able to pay him when I got back to the Philippines.

So there, just a few tales from the onset of this adventure haha!! Told you there were so many plot twists 🤣 And I tell you, there are more to come in the next throwbacks haha.

On music: if the 2014 flight made me fall in love with About Time's soundtrack, 2016's flight let me discover Max Richter's Sleep album!! Looking at the stars while listening to Dream 3, Patterns, Aria, Solo, Path 5 was magical.

Lord, thank You for Your unmerited favor. I didn't deserve any of these blessings, but You made them happen.

These coming days I'm going to have so many memories of HPAIR, and I'm here for all of it. I'll do my best to share photos (I haven't posted a lot of pictures from this event in the past five years as my Intagram posts were very selective) So there, let's have a trip down memory lane this week :)

[audifotograf]

How I travel as often as possible

By: Claudia Manganiello

Pictured: Philippine Pesos

1. I’m a waitress.

I think the biggest reasons I love being a waitress is that I make decent money and can virtually make my own schedule. I tell my manager what days I’m available which really means what days I want to work and for the most part that is my schedule. And anytime I want to go on a vacation I just put in a request a month before, but it’s really more of a formal notice. Granted I make sure I don’t travel during busy season, too close together or for too long because I don’t want to risk not having a job when I get back. But in the past I’ve been able to travel up to 6 times a year!

2. I save alot of my extra money towards travel.

This one takes self control. Even though friends constantly invite me out to restaurants and bars, etc. I have to be selective and make sure whenever I spend it’s on something I REALLY want to because I know I much rather spend it on travel.

3. I research.

I always do some general research ahead of time on what the prices of a flight to a place are and how much things cost there (currency exchange). I also check if the prices will have a chance of spiking for instance around a busy time or holiday. This is something I look out for when I go to Miami every year for Ultra Music Festival. Most other times of the year the prices are ~$150 roundtrip, but because the festival is during Spring Break the prices can go up to $350 if you wait too long. So I start checking the flights a month earlier than usual and if I see a normal price or better I buy it because I know the prices are only going to go up. Last year I was able to find a round trip from NY to MIA for $100!!

4. I look for flights on sites like Expedia.

Two months before domestic, three before international trips I start looking up flights on Tuesdays. I check Expedia, Kayak, Syscanner and Google flights to see all different results and prices. What's great about these sites is they have features where you can see side by side how the prices can differ before or after the dates you select. This way you can choose the cheapest possible days to arrive and leave while still maximizing the time you can go away for.

Photo taken from google.com/flights.

5. I try to be as flexible as possible.

I try to work around my schedule. For example, when I was in school I had class from Monday to Thursday so ideally I would go away on a Wednesday or Thursday right after class and come back right before class on Monday. I usually worked it out so I only missed exactly one of each of my classes. But sometimes I had to weigh out the importance of the prices versus time I could go without missing too much school. I ended up going away almost every 2 months while I was in college, but I always planned in advance.

I also try to be flexible about the airport I fly out of. One time I waited too long to buy a flight to Miami and the flights were $350 roundtrip, so I flew to Fort Lauderdale instead for $200! The 45 minute drive to Miami was well worth the $150 I saved. However the cheapest airport to fly out of the New York area is usually Newark but it's not as cheap to get a ride to and its not the easiest to take public transportation with luggage. So most times I just choose the airport easiest to get to.

Less often I'm flexible about the airline I choose. I try to avoid airlines that have poor customer service because if something goes wrong the money is not worth the headache. I missed my flight home from Rome while I was literally AT THE AIRPORT waiting at the wrong gate where a flight was leaving for the same place at the same time (please learn from me: ALWAYS CHECK YOUR FLIGHT NUMBER). American was basically like sorry not sorry. This was definitely mostly my fault but I went through security, checked in and everything, so they knew I was in the building. Yet no one called my name on a loud speaker like they do in the US when someone is missing. No one would help me in person (another lesson learned: look for flights on other websites but always try to buy directly from the airline). No standby was offered. I ended up sobbing to a random lady on the phone in the middle of the airport to get a somewhat affordable flight back home the same day because everyone was just trying to sell me $1000 flights 3 days later. So even though American is often one of the cheapest options, I can't say I wouldn't pay a little more to fly a different airline.

Also sometimes flights are cheaper from smaller airlines but they don’t include a carry-on in the price like most do so it ends up being the same price anyway. If you can fit all your stuff in a backpack (which is totally possible) it could be worth it, but again be weary of the quality of customer service.

6. I stay at Airbnb's/ hostels.

If I can split a room with someone I usually coordinate and book an airbnb atleast a month in advance to get the best options and deals. One time I stayed at a private apartment in NYC for just $25 a night before! But when I traveled alone I found the cheapest option was to share a room at a hostel. I enjoyed time by myself but when I wanted to share experiences I had a bunch of people around who wanted the same thing, it was great.

7. I sort out my money ahead of time.

I have credit and debit cards with zero foreign transaction fees and once I arrive to a place I take out however much I want to budget myself at a bank atm. When I can I use my credit card and if I need more cash I take out just enough to last the rest of the trip so I don't go home with a bunch of money I can't use.

8. I use my phone as little as possible.

I don't like to use my phone much while on vacation anyway, but usually you can't really get out of needing it for GPS. I used to have Sprint which includes 2G international service in alot of countries (a fee for faster speeds), but now I have AT&T which costs $10/day so now I really only use my phone for emergencies. I try to do everything on WiFi and when I can't I try to download any maps, tickets, movies etc offline.

9. I buy groceries when I travel.

I try to buy easy stuff to eat for breakfast and lunch from a grocery store and treat myself to dinner out. It saves time and money and seeing what they sell in grocery stores in different countries has become one of my favorite things to do. I still get to try new foods but at a good price!

10. I take public transportation when possible.

Usually I have to take an uber or local ride share from the airport because of my suitcase but when I pick my airbnb I usually make sure it's also accessible to where I want to go throughout the trip.

11. I avoid expensive tours and other tourist traps.

Before paying for something I try to find a way to enjoy it for less. Instead of taking a tour of a park I just look around myself and it's often much more peaceful and interesting. I saved $20-$30 by simply going to see the Colloseum in Rome instead of paying to see the inside. Not to mention I saved myself from waiting on the long line. Another example is when I went to the Venetian hotel in Vegas I didn't ride the gondolas for $20-$30 but I still got to see them and hear them serenade. 

I don't skimp on everything though, I still love to enjoy experiences as much as possible. But I spend my money on things that are worth it instead. I've gotten full body professional massages in the Philippines for $20 before, you just have to decide what is worth it to you.

[searchingwardrobes]

My Problems with Once and Adoption/Foster Care

Ya’ll know I love this show, and I love the character of Emma Swan. BUT . . . their portrayal of adoption and foster care - particularly the adults who care for these children - leaves much to be desired. The thing that especially saddens me are those in the fandom who buy into their portrayal without question. I recently started another fic that throws adoption agencies under the bus. I don’t fully fault writer’s. After all, the source material is flawed, and we all want to write Emma in character. However, I just hope I can give you another perspective.

Why in the world am I qualified to talk about this? Well, let’s see . . .

* My cousin fostered to adopt all three of her children, two of them brothers.

* My sister pursued adoption for several years before deciding to embrace being, as she puts it, “the best aunt ever” instead.

* My best friend waited ten years to adopt her precious daughter. She went through the heartbreak of caring for her first child - a son - until his birth mother changed her mind at the last minute before the adoption was final. 

* We have a close family friend who is like an “extra grandma” to my kids and her adult daughter was adopted at birth. 

* My sister in law and her brother are adopted.

* My husband’s youngest brother and sister were officially adopted by his dad after he married their mom.

* Another close friend of mine adopted her twelve year old daughter from The Philippines two years ago. She was born with her mouth fused shut, no feet, and no hands. I tutored this little girl for a year, and I love her to death! 

* A friend of mine who is now in her sixties put her daughter up for adoption when she became pregnant at fourteen. The girl found her as an adult, and they have now forged a relationship.

* Another friend of mine is fostering her niece while her sister is in rehab. Right now, it looks like it may become permanent.

This isn’t even an exhaustive list of all the people I know who have fostered and adopted. These all span multiple locations as well.  I know it’s not the same as going through it myself, but all of the above people are dear to me and it hurts me deeply to see their way of life misrepresented. 

So here are just a few things that I want to point out concerning the plot on Once:

1. Domestic infant adoption in the US varies state to state, but it basically goes like this:

* If a birth mother decides to pursue an adoption while she is still pregnant, it is HER decision who gets her baby. If she goes through an agency (most common), she will get to look through profiles of potential adoptive parents. This is important to remember, PLEASE! The birth mother chooses the parents, not the other way around. If it’s a private adoption, she usually finds out about the parents through friends, family, or acquaintances, but the choice is still hers. Therefore, if Emma had decided to put Henry up for adoption before he was born, as the show implies, she would have been the one to pick Regina out as his adoptive mom. 

* The birth mother can decide to meet the birth parents or never meet them. The birth mother has the right to ask for financial assistance for everything from maternity clothes to counseling after she gives the baby up. The only thing illegal is the mother can’t “sell” her baby. In other words, she can’t make a profit off the adoption.

* The birth mother also gets to decide if it is a closed adoption, semi open, or completely open. Even in a closed adoption, the child has the right to the birth parent’s medical records when they come of age. Open adoptions are on a scale. Some birth mothers attend birthday parties and have regular visitation. Others let the child decide on contact when they reach a certain age. Sometimes they send letters each year on the child’s birthday. There are dozens of arrangements the birth mother can come to with the birth parents, and it all gets spelled out in a legal document.

* The only time an infant is placed in foster care is if the birth mother decides after birth that she doesn’t want the child. This is always temporary. Infants are either returned to the birth parents or are adopted. THERE IS NO GROWING UP FROM INFANCY IN FOSTER CARE! Now, a child can be taken away from their birth home at a later date due to neglect, drug abuse, etc. But no kid is born into foster care. There are thousands of parents in the US waiting for an infant to adopt, more than there are babies to adopt. That’s why it took my best friend TEN YEARS to find her daughter. That’s why when a baby was abandoned at the Atlanta airport a few years back, hundreds of parents called family services wanting the child. The boy had a home (which became permanent) within 48 hours. There is no way a healthy, beautiful baby girl like Emma would have been put in that group home like we saw in season two. At worst, she would have been placed with foster parents temporarily until the waiting period was over. (See below)

* After the infant is given over to the birth parents, there is a waiting period. During that time, the birth mother can change her mind. This varies wildly from state to state. Here in Georgia, it’s two weeks. In Pennsylvania, where my best friend lives, it is an entire month. On day 30, my best friend had to give her son back to his birth mother. I can not convey to you the pain she endured. Having said that, I’m glad birth mothers have the freedom to change their minds. I would never want to go back to the 1950s when babies were ripped from the arms of their devastated mothers who were given no say in the matter. On a side note, some adoptive parents opt to let the baby go to a temporary foster home until the waiting period is over so they don’t go through heartbreak if the birth mother changes her mind. My next door neighbors chose that route when they adopted their daughter, but remember in Georgia, that’s only two weeks. With my best friend, she felt a month was too long and she was willing to love on that child even if it was only for a month. 

* Even after the waiting period is over, the adoption is not official until the parents stand before a judge. Legally speaking, this is more binding than birthing a biological child. In other words, there is no going back. No returning the child. No exchanges. No refunds. Which brings me to . . . 

THE SWANS GIVING EMMA BACK: If Emma was legally adopted, this would be impossible. She states that she was three when it happened, making it even less credible to me. The only way this would make sense is if they were foster parents who never legally adopted her. It is true that foster parents sometimes decide to stop fostering when they have biological children, but adoption? Nope. (Not to mention the show later claimed that Emma chose the last name Swan herself when she was 9 or 10, so .  . . )

2. The cost of adoption:

* I don’t know where the idea comes from that it’s expensive for a birth mother to give her baby up for adoption. The adoptive parents pay for everything, as I stated above, or at the very least, they pay the medical bills. This doesn’t mean it’s EASY for a mother to give up her baby. Props to Jen for portraying Emma’s agony so well in season three! However, just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it isn’t the best decision for the CHILD. Obviously, my friend who is now in her sixties was unable to care for a child at 14, when she was a child herself! She was thrilled to hear her birth daughter tell her about the happy home she was raised in. Like Emma tells Henry, birth mother’s give their children up “to give them their best chance.” It is a selfless decision.

* It IS expensive to adopt - for the adoptive parents. There are legal fees, fees for home inspections (which expire and have to be redone yearly), travel fees, medical fees (not only maternity for the birth mother, but physicals for them, their children, and even their pets), and then additional fees if they are paying an agency. This is a simplified list, honestly. A friend of mine had a blog when she was adopting her sons from Ethiopia, and her list of paperwork that had to be filed was mind-boggling. 

RUMPLE ARRANGING HENRY’S ADOPTION: Considering all of the above, it had to be an illegal, black market adoption. That does exist  -however, it’s usually foreign, not domestic. Nine times out of ten, however, they just swindle couples who are desperate to adopt. But you know, Once writers . . .  

3. The reasons parents adopt or foster:

* Inability to conceive - this has to be number one. It’s the reason my best friend adopted, and it’s the reason my sister pursued it for so long. One sad thing? The most common reason for infertility is a disease called polycystic ovarian syndrome. One of the symptoms is weight gain, regardless of diet or exercise. Yet guess what many countries require for you to adopt? A “healthy” BMI. Meaning women with PCOS have an even harder time adopting.

* Compassion for orphans - This is why my friends adopted their daughter from the Philippines. They have two biological children, but when they thought about the millions of orphans in the world, they felt led to share their home and family with a child who did not have one. I know several people who foster for the same reason. They aren’t doing it for a “check from the government.” (And fyi, the government gives them most of that “money” in the form of food stamps and other public benefits that often only covers the bare minimum.)

* A need in their family - My friend who took in her niece had just come upon her “empty nest years,” but she couldn’t look the other way when a three year old little girl was being neglected because of her mother’s addictions. She and her husband were then back to pull ups (the mother hadn’t even attempted potty training), preschool cartoons, and teaching the ABCs. Their niece also had spent so much time in an exersaucer that her legs were crippled and she still couldn’t walk. They had to pay for braces on her legs and physical therapy. But how could they turn away their own flesh and blood? (By the way, she is now five years old and thriving!)

REASONS TO ADOPT ACCORDING TO ONCE: To fulfill your own needs and soothe your own loneliness. I’m not saying there aren’t awful, selfish people out there who adopt for that reason, but I ask you: How many people would be willing to go through ALL the difficulties I described above for selfish reasons? It just doesn’t make sense. And frankly, it is insulting to the many adoptive and foster parents that I know and love. 

4. Regardless of all of the above, adopted kids DO struggle at times.

* Mary Margaret tells Emma in season one that Henry has the same question that all adopted kids do: “why did my real parents give me up?” (I’m paraphrasing, but you remember this scene, I’m sure). This is actually true. Pretty much every family I know who has adopted, their kids have gone through this at some point. No matter how loving a home they are raised in, this question inevitably comes up. Some kids (or adults) meet their birth parents and find peace : they really weren’t able to take care of me, they really did want what was best for me, they did it because they loved me. For others, meeting their birth parents is painful. Yet none of that means the adoption wasn’t the best choice or that the adoptive parents were awful to the child (like Regina).

* Is the foster care system in the US flawed? Yes. There are too many cases and not enough social workers. Children fall through the cracks, some of them have tragically died. However, if you actually look into the facts in such cases, children are most often injured or killed not by foster parents, but by their birth parents. Usually it is the system’s failure to remove children from dangerous homes that is the problem, not cruel foster parents. There are also not enough foster parents for children who need homes, with older children being the hardest ones to place. Many of these kids are suffering from severe trauma and caring for them isn’t easy. Typically, the reason kids are bounced around in the system is because their parents keep regaining custody, loosing it again, regaining it again, etc, etc. By the time the parents either get their shit together or relinquish custody, the kid’s a preteen or teen. So my question for Once is:

WHY DID EMMA GET BOUNCED AROUND? She was put back in the system at three, but we don’t see her again until she’s eight or so at the movie theater. Do you really expect me to believe they couldn’t find a home for adorable, sweet, smart little three year old Emma? My sister would have adopted a little girl like that in a heartbeat! She wouldn’t have cared that she was three. We’re told that Emma kept running away, but at three? 

No way little Emma was incapable of being adopted. I just don’t buy it. Since adopted kids have issues even in loving homes, why couldn’t that have been the writer’s narrative? Couldn’t Emma’s adoptive parents simply died at some point? In my opinion, the whole thing was just lazy writing.

[hugotpodcasting]

NEW PODCAST - The Mountain’s Heart - an audio fiction podcast about trying to return home, despite challenges. 

More information here: https://www.miscellanymedia.online/hugot-podcasting

In the beginning, there was a… Not so stellar introduction. And airports don’t make for great recording spaces, but Felisa is trying to make it work. After all, this is an assignment. More accurately, it’s part of a deal she made with her class instructor. She could miss class to take this trip if she documented aspects of it.

The trip’s beginning, but Felisa already knows that it’s going to be…. Difficult.

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Sound Effects from Freesound.org

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[Transcript:

(Equipment adjusting Airport boarding announcement starts. It is muffled and hard to hear. The announcement ends, but the sounds of the airport still seep into the track)

Okay, so… (sigh) This is going to be… Well, I don’t know. I never thought I would be making a “what I did over vacation” assignment at my age. But then again, I also thought I’d be done with school by now. But whatever.

For this vacation, my parents and I are going back to the Philippines to see family and… And I guess do some sort of sightseeing type events. But you should know… (sigh) Okay look, if you haven’t done a trip like this, you may not understand it. We go to the Philippines as a family to spend a few weeks there to try to make the cost of the plane ticket worthwhile and also it’s the only time we get to see our family, every other year or so. Which means, that we cram in as much domestic bliss as we can. And that sort of thing will take priority over all the other touristy stuff you can do around the islands.

I don’t know what you expected me to document when you made the offer, but if that’s the case, I probably should have been more open about what this trip is actually going to look like. Namely, a lot of cooking, a lot of sitting around the house, not so much hiking and touring and swimming and all those sorts of things. 

But I did give you my word that I would give some sort of documentation of my trip, per the assignment and as a bit of appreciation for excusing my absence from class. Seriously, my parents would have never let me come on this trip if it would have hurt any of my grades. Or my grade. And well, okay, I… I know I won’t always sound like it and sometimes I roll my eyes when I talk about my visits home, but I do appreciate it. I did want to go on this trip really badly, and it would have broken my heart if I couldn’t. 

This is a beautiful place to be, complications aside, but more than that, I love my family, and I love being around them, even though it’s hard to be in this family sometimes. It’s hard being away from everybody. It’s hard to get out there. It’s hard to find a way to pause my life long enough to make a trip possible. And it’s going to be hard to explain what I’ve been up to these past few years. I mean, the “wala boyfriend?” thing was never great, but then again my parents didn’t want me to get married young, so it worked out. There’s nothing… good about what’s coming, the explanations I have to give, the questions I have to face. 

But I guess I’ve got to just rip this bandaid off. Or that’s what Dad says. And in theory, I should appreciate the sentiment. I mean he would be an expert. This has never been all that easy of a trek for him in the same way that it’s never really easy to visit the in-laws. But somehow he’s made it work. 

Okay, I’ve never been good at introductions. As all my essays probably show. I understand though that it is important to set the scene. So currently, I am in the airport with my parents, getting ready to board a flight to Manila. My uncle will be waiting there to meet us and to take us back to the province my mother is from. There will likely be more people, but you never know who's coming until they actually get in the car. Also this trip is probably going to be the hardest one I’ve ever taken. Not just because my hip makes long periods of anything difficult and airline seats. But I have no clue what I’m going to do about everything, what I’m going to tell them or what they’re expecting. I mean, it’s been five years since the accident, and I know I was expecting to be a lot better by now, but the healing process goes as it goes, and unfortunately I think it’s come to a stop. We’ll see, though. We’ll see about everything. And I will resume recording when I have seen. Something. I guess.

(Sound fades out)

This has been a production of Hugot Podcasting, a subdivision of Miscellany Media Studios. It was written, performed, and produced by MJ Bailey. If you like the show, please consider subscribing and maybe telling a friend to as well.]

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Find it wherever you get your podcasts

[anihan-spills]

Travelogue

“Listen” (the author’s trip to Coron, Palawan)

It was half an hour before my flight to Palawan. I had a pencil in my right hand, and my CET review book on my lap. Beside me was a caucasian couple watching “The Office” on Netflix. Even before the popular phrase sprouted, I already wanted to say “Sana all.”. 

On the plane, I was not able to properly think and shade any of the circles in my reviewer. My brother, the complainer that he is, kept bugging me about the pain in his ears. In a childish- whiny voice, he asked me “Ate, why do my ears hurt?”. I, with the knowledge I have so far gathered in my review classes, wanted to explain that the pressure in the air as the airplane rises makes the muscles of the eardrum stretch, hence making it hurt as well. But I did not want to explain that to him then. Even now, my head started to ache just by rereading that sentence. I breathed in almost too loudly and said “I don’t know.”. I guess the mix of my inhale and tone triggered my mom. She reprimanded me for not giving Alton, my little brother, too much attention. And this is the reason I hated traveling. 

I don’t like talking to people a lot. I only do it when I have to. But, I guess somewhere along the way before the trip, I realized that this was my last summer as a high school student. When I am off to college, I am even more required to socialize, and how would I function if I don’t practice now? 

I decided to put away my review materials and focus on what I needed and not what I wanted. That summer, all I really wanted was to pass all three of the universities I wished to apply to — which all happened to be three schools in the Big Four. But what I really needed was peace of mind. But where could I get that? 

We arrived at the airport, where we were greeted by the hotel driver. He lead us to a van with the logo of the hotel we stayed in. While driving to our destination, we realized how barren the land of the hills were, except for the cashew trees growing all around. Before we were able to jump into any conclusions, our driver explained to us that the soil actually kept the land barren. It was sandy red, indicating that it was low in nutrients. Cashews usually like grow in that type of soil, explaining the homogenous diversity of the land. 

Our driver dropped us off at the river bank. We were greeted by other staff of the hotel, in charge of manning the boat that will then help us arrive at the resort itself. Along the way, we were greeted with majestic and green mangrove trees standing and guarding us like the protectors of the waters, which they were! The roots of the mangrove tree are able to catch trash before it litters to the ocean. Other than that, it provides filtration for water quality and nesting grounds for marine creatures. These are all things I recalled in my tenth grade Biology class with Ms. Jewel Encarnacion, because I was reminded of these lessons by the tour guide in our boat saying the same things. (Thank you, Miss Jewel!) 

We reached our destination — Club Paradise, Palawan. The moment I laid my slippers on the sand, I immediately felt like Ro from “Barbie: The Island Princess”. It was truly paradise. Bouganvilla shrubs were everywhere, and the wind felt strong but cool on my skin. The lights from the friendly sun scorched, and the water shined along with it. It felt like the elements were one. From afar, I could hear soft screeching. Alton recognized it first, gasping “Bats!”. In our hotel room, jet-lagged from the travel, I decided to keep my book away and sleep. 

We went to the Calauit Wildlife Sanctuary the next day. Although I would always tell people my first kiss was in church (I shall name no one), it was actually in that zoo. With a giraffe. I was able to learn much about the history of that zoo — how President Marcos actually left one good legacy, which was that safari park that catered giraffes, zebras, a crocodile, turtles, Calamain deers, porcupines (my personal favorite), and a lot more. The workers would let go of the animals to live in the wild after a month in the cage, because that’s how the creatures are supposed to live. 

During dinner, after doing lapses on the salty swimming pool, I was able to look at the sun going to sleep. But I continued asking myself, will I be happy where I am meant to be? Nature had an answer for that: Sleep, and next day you will know. 

Going to the airport with the same van we took when we arrived, we carpooled with a Filipino family from the States. I did the most impulsive thing and tried to start a conversation with the tall, tan, pretty Fil-Am woman beside me. “Is it your first time in the Philippines?” I asked. And the conversation turned out quite well. She answered at it was not, in fact, her first time. She told me about her stories of growing up in my dream city, New York. She told me about how she loved Broadway musicals, and that was the topic of our conversation later on. Although she was a stranger, I felt obliged to open up my dream of being a playwright/ screenwriter and actress. She told me that my dreams can come true, as long as I persevere constantly. Persevere. Constantly. 

While waiting for our flight I took out my reviewer and sighed. All summer long, I’ve been studying. But it was for three days that I took a break from studying, and decided to learn. Believe it or not, I felt more prepared for college because of this trip than any other of the review classes I attended. I learned so much about nature, life, and my own identity. It was through this trip that I learned that I could learn from the smallest of things, if and only if I listen carefully, and persevere to be better, constantly.

[purplesurveys]

483

Is there a bus stop near your house?: No, buses don’t stop around my area and I only ever see them on EDSA, which is like the main highway of Metro Manila.

Do you prefer red wine or white wine?: I hate the shit out of wine but if I absolutely had to drink some, it has to be red. And it has to be more sweet than bitter.

What’s the last airport you were at? Why were you there?: NAIA. I’m literally at the Starbucks right across the airport right now because my mom is arriving from Hong Kong in an hour and I have to pick her up. 

Who do you live with?: I live with my family. That’s a mom, a dad, a brother, a sister, a cat, and a dog.

Do you read reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like?: Yessssss all the time. I always browse through the Popular filter since it already compiles the best recent posts, but I’m a huge fan of the r/AmITheAsshole subreddit. People who turn out to be the assholes are hilaaaaarious.

Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend?: No. I ‘broke up’ with Aya as a friend when she was being abusive to Jo, but she’s since started working on getting better and has apologized to our friend group, so she’s back on my good side.

What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside?: It’s 29ºC. I’m glad we’re not in the 30s, but I don’t appreciate how warm it still is.

Do you know anyone who’s had a baby recently?: As far as I know, no.

Have you used a pen or pencil today? What did you write down?: [continued from earlier because I had to pick my mom up lmao] Yes, I used a pen today. It was to write my name on a requirement that I needed to submit to complete my class.

What does your last text message say and who is it from?: "Can I call?” from my girlfriend.

Can you count how many times you’ve seen your favourite film?: Must be near a hundred. I talked about this in a recent survey but there was a time I watched Two for the Road everyday for like 2-3 months. I still make it a point to watch it several times a year. 

When was the last time you ate marshmallows?: I have no idea. I don’t like marshmallows; I’ve always hated the texture.

Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them?: Uhhh no, not really. If I REALLY REALLY like the guest, I’ll sometimes listen to Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling or Chris Jericho’s Talk is Jericho. But other than that, I’d rather watch YouTube videos.

How old will you be in the year 2030?: 32.

How often does the kettle in your house get used?: My mom never got one.

Does your skin bruise easily? Do you have any bruises right now? What from?: Yep, super. I don’t have a bruise right now but I do have a mysterious cut below my right knee. Have absolutely no idea where it came from, but apparently whatever cut it cut it deep and it hurts.

What was the last thing you spent $150 or more on?: I’ve never spent that amount of money on anything.

Do you prefer yes or no questions or more open-ended questions?: Open-ended. If I sense that a survey is becoming too yes-or-no I usually quit it halfway; it’s too boring.

What brand of toilet paper do you usually buy?: My mom buys the toiletries so I’m not aware of what brands she gets.

If I knocked on your door right now, would you be acceptable dressed?: Yes. I just got home and haven’t changed out of my jumpsuit.

Why did you leave your last job?: Never had one.

What colour were the last socks you wore?: It’s like a faded green.

Are you studying currently? What level of education and what do you study?: Yep! I’m an incoming senior in my BA in Journalism.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying?: No, that’s terrible.

What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?: Probably something from Buzzfeed Unsolved cause I’ve been rewatching it lately.

What’s your favourite scent of air freshener?: Meh, I prefer the natural car smell. Scents make me dizzy.

How many weddings have you ever been to?: Four, I think. All of those when I was a kid; I haven’t been to a wedding since 2007.

Do you know anyone named Nora?: I don’t think so.

Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? My fingernails can be trimmed, but it’s not like a mess or anything. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play?: We played a math version of Scrabble when we stayed over at Laurice’s house. I’ve never seen a game like it before lmfaaaaao it was so intense.

Have you ever been to a festival for beer or other type of alcohol?: Nope. I don’t think that would be my kind of scene, either.

Do you own a record player and/or vinyls?: I don’t have a record player so I don’t have vinyls.

When was the last time you went out for drinks?: Third week of May. Have you ever been to a strip club?: NO I really want to go to one though.

What’s your favourite kind of smoothie?: I don’t take smoothies.

Do you know anyone with a ‘virtue name’? (Google it): Hmm I don’t think so, but I know someone who wants to name their kid Prudence.

Would you ever wear real authentic leather?: Never.

Have you taken out the trash today?: Nope, I don’t do that around the house. How often do you wear make-up?: Very seldom. I had my face made up several times over the last few months because Kate sometimes gets bored and she’d want to give me a makeover, but other than that, I rarely get my face done for events.

What’s your opinion on The Simpsons?: I have a very soft spot for that episode where Homer sits on the hood of his car and looks at the stars after he separated from his mom. I don’t keep track of the rest of the show.

Do you prefer horizontal or vertical stripes?: Horizontal. I don’t think I’ve ever worn vertical ones before.

What’s your favourite brand of deodorant/antiperspirant?: I don’t have a favorite.

Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce?: No. We don’t have divorce in the Philippines. So it’s not because all the couples I know are staying strong – it’s literally because no one is allowed to divorce by law.

If you had the money, would you take taxis everywhere instead of driving?: No, taxi drivers can be creepy. I’d rather drive by myself.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse?: Nope. I don’t need it.

Do you have any friends who you can’t decide if they’re attractive or not?: HAHAHAHAHA WTF, that’s so messed up and such a shitty thing to do. Is the inside of your fridge clean right now or does it need a clean out?: It’s always clean. My mom doesn’t let any spot in the house go messy for long.

When was the last time you washed the dishes?: This morning before I left the house.

Are there any magazines that you read on a regular basis?: Nope, I haven’t read one in months.

Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in?: No, not in Antipolo. That’s why I love it here. Once I get to the city though we do have to pay for everything, yes.

What’s the first thing you tend to do when you have a headache?: Take a Biogesic. Takes it out immediately.

Tell me about your responsibilities at work.: I don’t have a legit job yet, but at my latest internship I did news monitoring, press releases, research, and made briefing forms for the media.

Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you?: No. I live in a gated subdivision so it is very quiet here. Have you ever had proper Canadian poutine with the squeaky cheese?: I have never tried poutine, what a damn shame. I wish I can encounter a restaurant that serves it cause it looks SO GOOD. Canadian cuisine is not very prominent here though so idk when I can ever get an authentic serving of poutine :(

Do your parents know how to operate smartphones and/or computers?: My dad is very techy, more so than me. My mom uses her phone for her Facebook and camera and nothing else. She still asks me to Google stuff for her even if her Chrome app is right beside Facebook.

How old are your parents, anyway?: My mom and dad are both 1971 babies so they are turning 48 this year.

Are you allergic to anything? What do you have to do to prevent them?: No. My skin can get very allergic to the environment (especially if it’s humid), but it’s not an allergy or anything.

What song is stuck in your head at the moment?: I haven’t been thinking of a song.

Do you hate it when people try really hard, or do you kinda like it?: Idk how to feel about them...like sometimes I’d think it’s hilarious but other times I’d feel sorry and just cringe. But I’m certain I don’t hate it.

What’s your boss’ first name? Do you call him/her by that name?: My boss at internship is named Dessa. I call her that but I address her with Ms. before her name too so that it’s respectful.

When was the last time you wore a uniform of any kind? What colour was it? I wore my old school uniform last year for funsies because I spotted it in our storage closet and felt a little nostalgic. No reason to wear it, just wanted to mess around. The blouse ws white, the necktie and skirt are plaid.

Do you complete a survey before taking this one? Will you take one after?: No. After this, I’m torn among a) getting a midnight snack, b) taking another survey, and c) watching RuPaul’s Drag Race since I started getting into it last night, hahaha. Have you ever lost enough weight to drop a dress size?: I probably have, except I wasn’t actively trying to achieve that.

What’s your favourite kind of bread?: White and brioche.

When was the last time you got pizza? What toppings did you get?: Last Thursday. We got a cheese pizza and a barbecue chicken pizza.

Do you own Monopoly? Is it the original or a special version?: We don’t. I don’t know how to play Monopoly haha it always seemed just so boring to me.

What was the last thing you said out loud?: "Whatcha doing?”

You have to choose one: cats or dogs?: Dogs.

Would someone being either a cat or dog person affect you dating them?: It probably would. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who wants to own a cat with me. I love cats but I would never want them as a pet.

How do you travel to and from work?: I drive myself always. I don’t work yet, though.

Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why?: Cash, because I don’t have a card.

Have you ever been to a stadium concert?: I’ve been to arena concerts, if they mean the same thing lmao.