#if you need me ill be making my own posts and my own gifs. fully self sufficient projection hrs i ain't laying my eyes on that shit

[nerice]

i enter the sawatari tag. i learn she n katanaman is an actual on main ship with a ton of content. i exit the sawatari tag

[sumbier0]

I came up with a crackship some time ago and a few days ago I thought more about it and besides being a bit hilarious this has such a juicy Potential actually. In both game and movie versions of afton.

Because said crackship is William afton and John Kramer

[imagine one of the purple sprites from the games is there too]

Theres so much these 2 could challenge in eachother. Maybe I havent even thought of everything but here's a few things I thought of :]

1. Kramer's firm belief he doesn't murder people. While Afton MIGHT think he's doing something good overall - atleast in games since in the movie I think it's more about control, atleast in the current moment, though that motif ties with immortality anyways, control over life- either way I don't think he would DENY being a murderer and could try to make Kramer see himself for what he really is.

2. The whole immortality thing would stand in a way in opposite to Kramer. Because can you really cherish something when it lasts forever? Will you instead rot forever in stagnancy no matter unlimited time you have? Afton meanwhile could argue that this allows you to cherish life forever. He experienced grief[well game one did. Probably] and knows value of life so when immortal he can cherish that for eternity [and have more control to just make everything even better]. And the biggest internal conflict coming from this is the fact immortality [even if how it is in fnaf isn't... The nicest let's say] could save Kramer from his illness. Will he fully betray his morals and fully show his hypocrisy or prevail? Can Kramer show him he doesn't need inmortality to cherish life? Is what Afton achieved as immortality even a life? They could have debates on this for hours

3.This thing works more with game afton, atleast in current moment. But Kramer's whole thing is about people changing and appreciating life after drastic circumstances, learning their lessons. Afton could bring in his own experiences [specifically ones post him becoming springtrap] and how they didn't change him and Kramer could argue they did but... Would he? Because those changes definetely wouldnt be in the way he wants.

4. Kramer pointing out how Afton failed his family and Afton shooting back that what if he did? Kramer also failed his own and people he 'saved' [with movie Afton this could even hurt him a bit even if he wont admit it]

5. Additonally their stance on children. Jigsaw DOES put children in traps but VERY rarely and im pretty sure his intention is for them to not be harmed[mentally they're scarred either way☺️] . Meanwhile Afton only really targets children.

I'm also sure you could mesh and twist these concepts even more to find even more fun things

Okay some other things now:

Both have big egos and are a bit of jokesters [atleast movie afton definetely is]

Complicated contraptions. Again especially movie Afton fits here Shreddy Faz Chair is very saw trap looking. They can bond over that

And of course they are both villains but yet so different they can oppose eachother as I said :] this is basically a mental Kramer torture mostly

In a way they both have some theme with control with Kramer it mostly comes in form of his games and vouerism, while Afton wants control over life and in movie over his victims too. Actually that fits in a way with Kramer too with how he takes some victims in as apprentices, though Kramer views that rather as giving them a second chance and saving them. Also imagine if Afton in security breach actually had followers/cult it would be all even more swaggers [gif I love this theory it pains me it wasnt true <//4].I just think both would find eachother fascinating in some way. I think in Kramer's case it's passive/only subconcious not fully realized control, while in Afton's it's very active, realized, an important need of his.

I CAN make this man better(well in a way Kramer views that] and make him align with my ideals I SWEAR vs I want him to realize what he really is and that's one of few people on similar level to me. It also wouldn't be Afton without some want for control. Again wanting the other to get his ideals.

Ideals propaganda on both sides

Also this made me think of movie Vanessa and Amanda interacting OUFFF The people they were closest to hurt them so bad :[ They need a cathartic crying session

[see this is one of the reasons I like this crackship a bit better with movie Afton-]

Ekhem anyways the two if they fully agreed on everything would be too fucking powerful.

In conclusion: Please please hear me out this has so much Potential please. Weird old man love and mental torture. Maybe some physical too

[icemankazansky]

🕯️

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Well, I mean, the answer to that is yes. I don't want to give a non-answer to this question, but a lot of stories are hard in a lot of different ways, and a lot of them go their own way. As a writer, I rarely plan ahead much; I don't make outlines, and while I have a general idea of the shape of most stories when I begin writing them, the writing process for me and the way the story becomes is very fluid. I've spoken before about certain challenge stories that were written from requests that made me uncomfortable and that I knew would have to go someplace I didn't want to spend time, but I think honestly the stories that I have struggled with the most in both these ways are stories I have been working on for a long time but have not been able to finish. I've been working on the Top Gun Age of Sail AU for over a decade, and it's not finished, and I don't know that it ever will be. I really want to finish Vox, but it's been almost a year, and I still don't really, fully understand the shape of it and how it has to be built from here, and it's incredibly frustrating.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

The social aspect of fandom is absolutely crucial. I mean, I love fanfiction, reading and writing it both, and creating art and gifs and other things from the media I love, and seeing the art and gifs and things other people create ... but honestly, if I was experiencing all of that in a vacuum, I think it would not be nearly as engaging or rewarding an experience as it is. I have friends I have met through fandom who are among the best friends I've ever had, people I've known for decades and are still there, still ride or die, still make me so happy every time I see their name on a post or a text message. A couple years ago, I attended the wedding reception of one of a girl I met when she left a comment on a fic I wrote. She is one of my dearest friends, and I've known her for ... shit, like 15 years now. We talk often. I know I can count on her if I need anything. She's slept on my couch and we've been to the ocean and to hug baby goats and shopping for leather goods and to eat catfish and hush puppies. When I found a lump in my breast, I called a dear friend I have known for 20-some years and met when I left a comment on a story she wrote. I was there for her when she had breast cancer, and when I was afraid I did, too, she checked in on me and reassured me and told me what to expect, and texted back and forth with me the entire time I was at the imaging center. I have movie night every week with a friend I have known for 20-some years; we have been each other's dedicated beta readers not just on fanfiction but on anything we've written for over a decade. She's in The Kilmer Cure. She is the person I usually turn to when I'm having serious mental health issues, because she has bipolar disorder, too, and she understands. We're planning to get tattoos together.

And even people I haven't known as long ... sometimes they're the only real social interaction I have all day, because I am chronically ill and I am mentally ill and because I am an introvert and all the other reasons it's so hard to get together with people in real life often when you're an adult. And speaking to them, about fandom, about anything, is a huge source of enrichment and comfort and joy to me. And I am not a social person. I do have social anxiety. (Although it's gotten better as I've gotten older and as I've gotten treatment for PTSD, which affects that way more than I thought it did.) But I think one of the great things about fandom relationships via the internet is that you can do things at your own pace. You're not on the spot. If you don't have the spoons for interaction one day, you don't have to reply to that comment right now. You can do it tomorrow. You can watch the conversation in Discord, but you don't have to join in if you're not up to it. And everyone's in different time zones and on different schedules, so everyone's kind of just coming in and participating how and when they can.

[matthewtkachuk]

runner - jacob markstrom

Fear of commitment threatens to end you and Jacob before you've even properly begun, but not if Jacob has anything to say about it

pairing: jacob markstrom x reader

warnings: commitment issues, self-reflection disguised as fic, mentions of mental illness (vague, but its there!), do i really need to put angst as a warning anymore?

word count: 1.1k

a/n: this was written for my beloved @danglesnipecelly last summer when she was sad because i love her and would take a bullet for her. @antoineroussel told me to post it before ordering pizza and doing the dishes, but i don't listen well so i ordered food first <3 to my beloved readers and anons...ily. also i've never seen this gif before and it makes me wanna d*e but in a h*rny way

You’re a runner.

Not in the traditional sense, no. You never ran track, never beat anyone in the hundred meter or any number of meters for that matter. Never tried out for cross country, don’t have a trophy or a medal.

But you’ve been running since you were fifteen. From your home life, from your friendship dramas, from your own destructive internal monologue, from every boy who has ever told you sweet little lies. Commitment isn’t something you’ve been good with. Expectations placed on you from a young age coupled with terrible coping mechanisms and declining mental health: only a few in the long list of reasons why settling down with the same person for the rest of your life is so terrifying.

And so you hadn’t - settled down, that is; throughout the years, you ran through men like mani-pedi nail colors. Giving them a glimpse of you, enough of you to entice them and bring them to your bed and sometimes even into your life for a time. But never had you let someone get in close enough to see who you really are, or even close enough for enough time to begin to scratch at the surface.

Until Jacob.

Until six foot whatever of handsome and kindness and pure, unadulterated joy steps off the plane in Calgary and right into your heart. As a good friend of Annica’s and with your parents on the other side of the country, you’re invited to join her and Elias and their new guest for Christmas celebrations. You don’t expect much more than amazing food and the familiar feeling of being the redundant third wheel of a fully functional bicycle. That’s the thing about Jacob, though, from the minute you met him until the very last you'd let yourself know him, he shattered every expectation you had.

Despite his own quiet nature and initial shyness, the two of you catch on like a house on fire - burning quickly and brightly, leaving Elias and Annica to feel like the outsider looking in on something special. You let him kiss you that first night and you don’t stop letting him. It’s laughter that lasts long enough that your sides hurt, silly grins and lingering touches, conversations that make you feel like you’ve known him your entire life and not a few short days. Christmas comes and goes and you leave that apartment with a beautiful bracelet from Annica and a new number in your phone with the promise of something more weighing heavily on your heart.

Jacob’s confident but never cocky, never so sure of himself that it comes at the expense of your feelings. He is nothing if not respectful of your boundaries, never pushing to a point that’s invasive, but not content to let you sit in your negative feelings when they come. It’s like a sixth sense, the way he comes around just when you need him to. There’s never a real formal conversation about the feelings that twist and twine between the two of you like the ribbon of the gifts you’d brought the Christmas you’d met. Yet you find yourself in his bed, and in his arms, and in his jersey waiting at the end of every home game all the same. It’s you he falls into and you he calls on the road and you who comes to mean more to him than he ever thought possible.

It’s also you who gets scared.

There is never a real formal conversation about your feelings but you find yourself in love with him all the same. All your life you’d run, keeping men at arm’s length and never an inch closer and yet here had come this beautiful Swede and shattered your walls alongside your expectations. From everything you’d ever known about love, everything you’d ever read or been told, love was supposed to be this beautiful, freeing, all-encompassing feeling. There’s nothing freeing about the panic in your chest as you take in the apartment you’ve all but moved into without a single discussion. There’s no freedom in your toothbrush alongside his, your shoes in the entryway, or your keys on the counter. Nor the books on the nightstand on your side of the bed that you still haven't gotten around to reading, or the flowers you’d dried and pressed between their pages.

He’s never actually asked you for something more, but you love him and there are pieces of you all over this apartment and it’s all too much. It’s all too much and so you do the only thing you’ve ever been good at.

You run.

It’s surprisingly easy to pack the pieces of you that litter the apartment. You’re as quick as you can be, knowing Jacob could return at any moment, but it’s not enough

“What are you doing?” His voice cuts through the silence and your own internal monologue that you’ve been struggling with for hours. It’s almost comical, because what other reason would you have for your suitcase open on his bed with everything you had ever brought into this apartment haphazardly shoved within. He must come to the conclusion on his own, because his next words are: “Please, stay.” It’s so honest, so earnest, it stops you right in your tracks. You don’t turn around, don’t really trust yourself to.

“Jacob-” It’s barely his name that escapes your lips, more of a wounded noise barely resembling the syllables.

“I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty little mind of yours but just stay and we can talk this through.” He sounds so sure, so confident in the words he speaks that you hesitate for a moment.

Because no man has ever fought for you like this, content to accept the pieces of you that you offered and moving along when you no longer offered them. You should have known that Jacob would be different, that he was different. No one had ever managed to get this close, even your closest friends were still kept inches from you. Only Jacob had infiltrated your defenses with a vigor and a covertness that you’d never seen it coming until he was firmly pressed against you.

“Talk to me, baby, please,” he all but begs. Every part of your brain screams at you to ignore the plea, to finish shoving your things inside that suitcase and go. But your heart, your traitorous heart that beats for him and him alone whispers to you, calls to you. What if? What if this time you don’t go. What if this time you open your heart and lay out your every insecurity for him to see and judge.

You’re a runner, but this time you hang up your running shoes and face life head on as you sit beside him on the large sectional and let him in.

[the-cult-of-russo]

okokokokok so I'm watching season 2 of the punisher and I legit do not think I can finish bc I Don't Like seeing this billy bc like. he should be getting help but they made him a bad guy and like yeah. they did it for the plot but BrOoOoO me no likey ugh

I won't lie, unhinged Billy fascinates me as a writer. He's so dramatic and chaotic too, like the heist scene and stuff and I love it. I love writing him that way too, it's really fun. Like as a fictional character, his mind is so interesting and hopping into that version of Billy is a trip.

But like on a real level, it was painful to watch and the whole thing with Krista made me so fucking pissed lmao

You guys know I have so many issues with canon and if you guys want me to get fully into it, I could make a whole ass essay length post about it with my thoughts 😂

But despite that, I was really kinda hoping for some kind of redemption arc, even just a little. But no.

Season 2 was weird for me because as someone on the way to becoming a clinical psychologist, season 2 Billy was really interesting and Ben played him so fucking good. Like holy shit. But it was uncomfortable to watch for me and so much of it pissed me off. Like the boy is riddled with trauma and shit and his fucking psychologist was taking advantage of him and stuff and I just... 😑

I'm gonna drop a bomb on you guys right now 'cause I don't think I've ever told you this...

I've never watched the last episode.

I know what happens and I've seen gifs and pictures and stuff but I couldn't ever bring myself to watch that episode because it made me so fucking sad knowing what happens. I spoiled the show for myself by accident which is how I found out what happens and then I was like nahhhh, I'm good.

I also don't know the full story, 'cause like I've only seen this on someone else's post once and I might be remembering this wrong, but Ben wasn't happy with Billy's original last line and either came up with or asked them to change it to what it ended up being. Like I said, I might be remembering this wrong and you guys are more into Ben than I am, I'm a Billy girl lmao, but like I'm sure it was something to do with alluding to him feeling some level of guilt? Just something small because the original line was that shit. Like I know I've seen that quote from an interview somewhere or something on someone's post.

I don't know what his last lines are cause I never watched it. I'm not sure I want to know honestly.

There's a lot of canon bullshit regarding Billy that really pisses me off which is why I prefer AU things and I've made my own version of Billy where he doesn't betray Frank and can actually get a happy ending.

The thing with media is, they often like to use mental illness and trauma for the villains. It makes them 'scarier', right? Oooh, the unhinged bad guy. And that's something that's always bugged me. As someone with serious mental health issues, someone with family who have very severe mental health issues and someone who wants to treat and help people with severe mental health issues, the media portrayal of these things are so harmful, especially to people with certain illnesses where there is already stigma surrounding it.

And I get it, they do it for the plot and all of that, but it's a trope that needs looking into more. Someone doing bad shit because of trauma or mental illness, someone who maybe doesn't really fully comprehend their actions or isn't in their right mind, is a lot less scary to me than a completely fine and mentally well person choosing to do the same things without a care.

Don't get me wrong, it can be interesting to watch these things and in some cases when done tastefully it can be done well. But more often than not, they just slap a bad guy with trauma or mental illness and that's just the reason for their actions.

Honestly, I'm going off on a tangent here. Like I said, I could make a huge ass post about my thoughts on Billy and the canon bullshit and another about this specific issue in the media. I'm gonna stop here because this post is long enough lmao

The short version of this is;

As a writer and future clinical psychologist, season 2 Billy fascinates me and I enjoy diving into his head (I explore it in my multi chap fic that's coming soon that I wrote with @blanchedelioncourt ) but on a fundamental level, it made me really uncomfortable and sad to watch someone who clearly needs help just get manipulated and not get the help they need. The treatment of him is just explained as 'oh well, he did really bad things so he doesn't deserve help' and I don't like that. I don't like that Dinah harasses him in the hospital, I don't like the way fucking Krista manipulates him. I don't like any of it. So while that version of Billy is interesting to me and being in his head and writing him fascinates me, the canon bullshit is painful to watch.

[dumbfuck-mojave]

Push

Characters: Buffy Summers and Rupert Giles (Platonic).

Franchise: Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Warnings: Talk of mental illness/OCD. Discussion of therapy and medication. 

A/N: Back on my self-indulgence with a short little fic. IDK what this style is but anyway: @highonbandcandy​ brought up the headcanon of Buffy checking her windows, especially after the Angelus incident, and I had to write something about it. Join the Buffy has OCD club. Also I’m trying out gifs in posts now. Nothing to do with the story, I just think they look pretty in these gifs. Word count as well. I guess a bit of Giles POV?? It starts with him. I wrote this as if it’s in the early seasons, but after the Angelus incident.

Word Count: 846

The steps of the Summers’ home creaked slightly as Giles made his way up to Buffy’s room. Joyce had given him a warm smile when he had shown up at the front door unannounced, bustling back into the kitchen after she’d directed him towards Buffy’s room. 

When he reached the top of the stairs, light shone into the dim hallway from the open door of Buffy’s room. Giles walks quietly into the doorway, watching Buffy as she opens and closes a window while mumbling to herself. The window seals shut with a soft thump and Buffy, finally seeming content with her actions, flicks the window lock a few times before straightening up and closing the curtains. She ran her hands along the material before turning around, squeaking when she noticed Giles watching her. Her hands fly up before she starts rambling off excuses. 

“Giles! I didn’t see you there! UH… how’s the food going downstairs?? My mom is trying out a new recipe and you know, I’m just not sure if she’s ready for such a complicated one! I mean it involves a lot of ingredients and-” “Buffy.”

“Yes?”

“Sit.” 

Buffy blushes a dark red, plopping down onto her mattress. Giles takes a seat next to her. He goes to put his hand on her shoulder, but he hesitates until Buffy wraps his arm fully around her and leans into his embrace.  “It’s been getting worse.”

“I’ve…. I’ve noticed. Talk to me, please. I’m here to help you in any way I can.” 

“Giles-”

“Buffy, you can’t keep ignoring this. We need to talk about this.” Giles gave her a stern look, and Buffy averted her eyes to the floor.

She was quiet for a few moments, then started in a quiet voice, “It started after….it happened. Sometimes it takes so long for it to feel alright, I just start crying because all I want to do is go to sleep.”  Giles looks sadly down at her, looking Buffy’s trembling body closer against him. She hides her face in his shoulder as soft whimpers come out. He rubs up and down her arm as he begins to speak again. 

“Buffy, I think it’s time we start discussing options-”

With lightning speed, the somber mood shifts and Buffy jumps up, an aghast expression on her flushed and tear-stained face. 

“I DON’T NEED ANYTHING, I’M HANDLING IT PERFECTLY FINE.” Buffy strides angrily over to her vanity, the mirror of which is covered in polaroid photos. She pulls on down as she softly takes a seat on her floral upholstered stool. Giles walks up behind her and peers over her shoulder to see what picture she was looking at. It was a picture of Cordelia.  Buffy looked up and met Giles’ eyes in the mirror, his clear ones contrasting with her reddened ones.

 “Miss Chase has it, you know. You aren’t even alone here.” 

“She seems perfectly fine.”

“She goes to therapy, Buffy. It helps. Please, let’s discuss it. With you being the Slayer, I would suggest it even more.”

That’s just the point, isn’t it! I’m the Slayer, I’m supposed to be strong! How can I be if I can’t deal with this. If I can’t even go to sleep without checking the window 50 times or be in the kitchen when my mom is cooking because I can’t stand the way she moves from thing to thing without washing her hands on my own, how am I supposed to be strong enough to protect everyone?” Buffy starts crying again, slamming her head into her palms and tearing them away right after.

“My hands are dirty.” She cries out, and Giles rushes to kneel in front of her.

“Buffy, Buffy, it’s okay. Look at me and breathe, it’s going to be fine.” Giles hushes as Buffy stares at him with watery eyes, sniffing as she calms down.  “You are strong. You are strong everyday for dealing with everything in your life and you will in no way be weaker for getting help. Realizing you need help is one of the strongest things you can do. We’re all here for you Buffy. Me, your mother, Xander, Willow, even Cordelia.”

“I know. I don’t know why, I’m just scared, I guess. Talking about it makes it more real.”

Giles sighed and gave her a wry smile, “It’s ok to be scared, but it will help.”

“How am I supposed to talk to someone about it when I can’t mention the, you know…” Buffy put her fingers up to her mouth, creating fake fangs. 

“I’ll find someone. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you have the best help possible.” 

Buffy smiles and leans forward into a hug as Giles pulls her tight against them. He places a kiss against the side of her head.

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t a problem at all, I’m glad I finally convinced you. It’ll only get better from here.”

“I’m ready for it to get better,” Buffy pulls away and smiles at him, “Giles?”

“Yes?”

“I need to take a shower now.” 

[rafecameron]

super spies - r.c

Summary: In which reader follows her boyfriend to try and catch him cheating and Rafe tags along

Word count: 2.3K

A/N: This kinda sucks but im posting it anyways

*GIF is mine*

You were almost one hundred percent sure your boyfriend was cheating on you. You thought it, your friends thought it, but you needed some hard evidence before you broke up with his sorry ass. You didn’t want to throw a two year relationship down the drain over a misunderstanding, though the niggling in your stomach should be proof enough that you were right.

You text him asking him his plans for the day and he replies saying he’s staying home as he’s not feeling well. You already know this is a lie as you’re sat in your car staring at his car from across the road, you were parked close to the town centre. You supposed he really could be ill and he had stopped off to get some medicine, but you highly doubted it.

Getting out of your car you stuff your phone into your bag and head towards the shops, not sure where you would find him but determined to do so. You checked multiple shops, no sign of him in any of them. You sigh audibly to yourself, almost ready to give up before you catch a glimpse of him from across the road. You quickly duck into an alley way, poking your head round to watch where he was going, you saw him disappear into the cafe across the street.

Checking the coast was clear you bolt across the street, sneaking up to the cafe and poking your head round the corner of it to peek through the window, it’s busy inside but you can see him at the counter ordering. He didn’t look very ill to you. You glare through the window at him, watching him smile and chat to the girls behind the counter as he waits for his order, you could feel yourself getting more annoyed by the second. 

You were so engrossed on watching your boyfriends actions that you didn’t notice someone coming up behind you, their head practically touching yours before the finally spoke into your ear, “What are you doing?”

You sucked in a breath of air out of shock and spun round, glaring at the amused person behind you, “What the hell is your problem?” You yell at him, hand over your pounding heart, you quickly look back into the cafe hoping that your yelling hadn’t given away your position. Luckily your boyfriend didn’t seem to have noticed.

“Why are you sneaking around? You’re acting really weird.” Rafe laughs, hands in his shorts pockets as he waits for an answer.

You sigh running a hand through your hair, you quickly grab his arm and pull him out of view of the cafe window, “I’m watching my boyfriend.” You admit, not really sure why you were telling him the truth. Sure, you’d known him your whole life, he was your best friends brother after all, but that didn’t mean you should tell him about your cheating ass of a boyfriend.

Rafe raises an eyebrow at your confession, “That’s a bit stalkerish, don’t you think?” He asks, a small smirk playing on his lips.

“I guess,” You shrug, “But I need to see where he’s going.”

“Why?” Rafe asks, but you don’t have time to answer him as the cafe door swings open and your boyfriend appears, walking in the opposite direction with two coffee cups in his hands.

“Be quiet.” You warn the boy beside you as you head off in the direction your boyfriend was going, you could feel Rafe following behind, you hadn’t actually expected him to tag along.

“What are we? Super spies now?” Rafe laughs behind you but you just slap at his arm and shush him in annoyance.

You follow him into a small park on the outskirts of the town, keeping close to the tree line in hopes that he wouldn’t notice you and Rafe tailing him. You quickly put a hand out to stop Rafe walking as your boyfriend comes to a stop next to a bench, handing one of the drinks to a pretty blonde girl who was sat there. She stands up as he speaks to her pulling him into a hug. His free hand goes to her waist and he leans down and kisses her quick on the lips. 

Your jaw clenches in anger, gripping onto the strap of your bag harshly as you shoot daggers at the pair by the bench, “I knew it.” You said through clenched teeth.

“What a fucking asshole,” Rafe fumes from behind you, “You want me to go beat the shit out of him? Cause I will.”

You glare at them for a moment longer before turning to Rafe, eyes wet mostly from anger and frustration than from hurt, you shake your head. “He really isn’t worth it.” You reply, wiping a tear off of your cheek as you begin to head out of the park.

“You’re not even gonna confront him?” Rafe asks running up behind you, his hand rests lightly on your shoulder and you don’t have the energy to shrug it off.

“No, I’m not. Let him be happy with her, I’m over it.” You huff out, the tears on your face telling a completely different story.

“You don’t look over it.” Rafe comments, falling into step beside you.

“And what would you know about it?” You snap at him, finally pushing his hand off your shoulder.

“I know that there’s a pretty girl in tears beside me because of some absolute tool.” He states, putting his hand back on your shoulder but this time stopping you from walking, “You were right when you said he’s not worth it. He was never good enough for you.”

You scoff and shrug his hand off again, “You don’t have to be nice to me, Rafe. You don’t even know me, you’re talking shit.”

“I don’t know you?” Rafe raises his eyebrows at your statement, “I’ve known you my whole life, Y/N. I know that you spend Saturdays in Sarah’s room eating ice cream and watching shitty girls movies. I know that you broke your arm when you were seven falling off the swing in your garden. I know that when you’re sad and hurt you get angry like you are now. I also know that you’re one of the nicest people on this stupid island and you don’t deserve that asshole hurting you like this.”

You blink up at him, fresh tears falling from your reddening eyes, shocked that he paid any attention to you at all, “Rafe, I-“

“You don’t have to say anything. I get it, I’m your friends asshole older brother and you hate me, but I don’t want to see you like this.” Rafe sighs out.

You take a second to process his words before replying, “I don’t hate you, Rafe. I could never hate you.”

“Yeah? Well then why don't you let me try to cheer you up?” He suggests, smiling now which only served to pull a smile onto your own lips.

“Okay.” You nod, wiping your face free of the last of your tears and following Rafe out of the park which was now your least favourite place on the island.

“So what are we doing?” You ask him after walking in silence the whole way back to the town centre.

“I’m cheering you up.” Rafe states again, “Wait here.” Rafe pulls you to a halt and sits you down on a bus stop bench before disappearing.

You knew you should probably call Sarah and tell her exactly what’s happened, let her come and pick you up and comfort you, but for some reason you were a little excited to be spending the day with Rafe. It was probably best you didn’t tell Sarah about that part. Before long Rafe returned, handing you a cone of ice cream which caused your face to light up.

You took it from him, licking at the cold scoop on top, “This is my favourite flavour.” You state as you begin walking beside him.

“I know.” Rafe states matter of factly.

You eat your ice creams in silence as Rafe leads you to his truck, by the time you climbed into the passenger seat you had finished eating and were curious as to what you were doing next.

“So, what are we doing?” You ask, buckling yourself in and watching Rafe excitedly.

Rafe shrugs, “There’s a couple things we can do. Or I could show you somewhere, if you want?”

You furrow your brows slightly, “Show me somewhere?” You asks and Rafe just nods his head in reply, “Okay, show me.” You smile and nod.

You were expecting the drive to feel awkward, you’d never really been alone with Rafe for more than a few minutes and you were worried you wouldn’t have anything to talk about, but you were worrying for no reason. The Rafe with you today was a side of Rafe that you didn’t see very often. He was friendly and open and extremely funny. He had you in stitches in the passenger seat, making comments about the stupidest things just to hear you laughing.

You were almost upset when the truck came to a stop and it was time to get out, “I could drive round with you all day.” You admit, a slight blush on your cheeks at you confession.

“Well we can do that next then.” Rafe smiles as he climbs out of his truck.

The devastation from early this morning was completely gone from your mind as you followed Rafe, the area he had brought you to looked a little run down, somewhere between figure eight and the cut, not somewhere you expected Rafe Cameron would hang out. 

He reaches out and grabs your hand, “Watch where you’re stepping.” He warns you as he leads you off the path and into a wooded area, still gripping tightly onto your hand.

“Is this where you murder me and bury my body?” You ask playfully, eyes on the ground as you follow his steps so as not to fall over the many branches scattered across the floor.

“Am I that easy to read?” Rafe asks with a chuckle.

When Rafe’s feet stop walking in front of you you look up, peeking round from behind him, “Is this-wow.” You cut yourself off, fully stepping out from behind him, “This place is beautiful.” You comment, stepping in front of him to get a better look.

He’d brought you to the tiniest cove you had ever seen, the sand stretching no more than fifteen feet either way, rocks lining the edge of the sand and trees bunching together behind you. The ocean looked bluer her, like that pale blue water you imagine in exotic places and it lapped gently at the sand.

“How did you find this place?” You asked, finally turning away from the view to look at the boy behind you.

Rafe shrugs, “Needed to get away one day, somehow found this place. I come here whenever I need to be alone.” He admits.

“Thank you, for bringing me.” You smile, “I promise I wont keep turning up and ruining your peace.” You laugh gently.

“I wouldn’t mind.” Rafe admits, he moves to sit down in the sand and you follow suit, sitting beside him and looking out across the water.

“It’s so peaceful here, I can see why you come.” You mumble out, fingers burying themselves in the sand.

You spent the whole day in that cove with Rafe, laughing, messing around, having heart to hearts. You never imagined Rafe would have such a soft side to him, you were sure he would never want anyone else to find out.

“Are you cold?” Rafe asks, reaching over and wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his side, you smile up at him appreciatively before looking back out across the ocean at the sun set, pink and orange glowing across the glittering water.

“Would you call me crazy if I said considering I caught my boyfriend cheating on me this morning I’ve had the best day ever?” You laugh softly at how stupid that sounded.

Rafe shrugged lightly, “I wouldn’t call you crazy. I’d just say you’ve learnt he was an ass who isn’t worth shit and moved on pretty quickly, it’s admirable.”

You look over at the boy sat next to you, “You think I’m admirable?” You ask.

Rafe’s eyes meet yours, the sunset casting an orange glow across his skin, “I think you’re incredibly strong, I always have.” Rafe admits.

You smile softly and don’t stop yourself when you feel yourself leaning forward, you rest a hand against his chest as your lips meet his. The kiss was soft and gently and didn’t last nearly as long as you would have liked it.

“I’m sorry-“ You start.

“Don’t me.” Rafe cuts you off, his hand coming up to the side of your face and pulling your lips against his again, this time with kiss was longer, his lips pressed against yours with more pressure. Before you knew it you were laid back against the sand, Rafe’s body hovering over yours as you got lost in the feeling of your lips together.

That’s how you spent the rest of the night, laying in the sand, pressing kisses against each others lips, noses, foreheads, cheeks. Lost in the feeling of each other and not caring about anything else, not needing anything more.

From that day onwards that became your spot. It’s where you held most of your dates, having picnics and drinks by the sea, it’s the first place you slept with Rafe and the first place you shared I love you’s and you couldn’t be more thankful to your ex for giving you the opportunity to let Rafe into your heart.

[wanna-b-poet31]

A (maybe) 4-part meta on Good Omens: Part 1: Aziraphale’s Abuse and Trauma

SOOOOO I promised myself I wouldn’t get too obsessed with Good Omens but I’ve got some meta-thoughts. 

So, it’s no secret that abuse is prevalent in Good Omens, but the methods of abuse are interesting ultimately working as a catalyst for how Crowley and Aziraphale interact with humans, Heaven, Hell, and each other. 

Several of the characters we see in Good Omens are traumatized by the time we meet them, although some more than others. For example, Newt, for what little we see him is clearly ostracized by everyone around him and he shows signs of trauma via isolation. Until the end of the world, it’s heavily implied that he’s bullied, if not dismissed from the rest of the world due to his explosive tendencies with computers. He’s not shown to have healthy coping skills with the isolation, and although it is ultimately good he doesn’t get his job, and works with Shadwell, and meets Anathema, but he’s unable to express himself in a healthy way or handle his past.  Similarly, due to the stress of saving the world, Anathema is traumatized by the expectations of her family, of being a “descendant” of Agnes Nutters.  

But, both begin recovery journeys by beginning to assert their own needs and well-being. Newt begins forming real, relationships and coping with his loneliness by making friends and Anathema defies her family’s obligation by burning the letters. Overall, it’s a straightforward approach to begin recovering from traumatic events. 

However, Crowley and Aziraphale do not have quite as straightforward a narrative. 

Heaven is unbending. It is clear to both of them that God and her representatives punish independence, asking questions, and having any defined version of a “self”. 

Look at the photo below. It’s an environment that (per my last post) is cold, abusive, and really, isn’t a functional space. Nothing can get done reasonably in here. There aren’t any personal touches and it makes the space devoid of any sense of home. AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HEAVEN, land of milk and honey Heaven. It’s not just bland, it’s much more insidious than that. It’s false transparency, a “nothing to see here” mask that the angels use to belittle, attack, and intimidate each other. 

Then there’s the messy business of the dogmatism Heaven follows that affects Aziraphale throughout the series. We see it first in the garden that questions (a la Crowley) lead to abandonment. The fear of falling, of knowingly being discarded by people/entities that supposedly love one another is a violent space to grow up in and incentivizes the remaining angels to keep their head down and not question actions that are clearly wrong. It is Crowley who asks why it would be okay to kill kids (because it’s clearly wrong) to which Aziraphale responds: “I’m not consulted about policy decisions”. It’s clear that 1000 year after the garden he’s internalizing his conditioning. 

His behavior, especially coming from THE angel who gave away his flaming sword without any hesitation and then LIED to God about it, shows that he clearly knows right from wrong is jarring. But, it’s unsurprising, given the abusive place he is attached to. Heaven’s love for him is conditional and wholly dependant on him being able to do as he’s told, not what might be right. 

It’s also clear that Aziraphale is being abused during the events of the series. While not always physically violent (although I’ll get to that in a second), he is continuously belittled and degraded. 

Take a look at Heaven’s least favorite Asshole: Gabriel

When we are introduced to Gabriel the first few things out of his mouth are insults. Although we’ve had Aziraphale for only like 5 seconds and we already can tell how passionate he is about food. Aziraphale is eating sushi, presumably a favorite food given his familiarity with the chef, and taking some time for himself, and like a good family member offers some to his “fellow”, his “ally”, an entity who supposedly had his back. When the food is refused, it’s presented with a dismissive tone and called “gross matter” that would “sully” his body.  This is is a smack in the face to Aziraphale and he quickly lies, saying he’s only eating to keep up appearances. This shutdown of interests and likes pushes Aziraphale to be like Newt, ostracized from people who are supposed to be his friends. Then, like Anathema, his exposure to the “great plan” and what is expected of an angel is villanizes his interests, causing him to feel shame and associate his individuality and sense of the self with “wrong” or “broken”. 

This differs greatly from how Crowley and Aziraphale meet. Although we see Crowley tempt eve, they talk to each other as equals and Crowley does the one thing Heaven has never done -- tell him he’s doing a good job. There is no harm in eating or enjoying eating but he’s being treated like he’s committing some kind of sin. Crowley, in contrast, reaffirms Aziraphale’s actions and helps relieve his concerns. Gabriel, instead, aggravates his anxiety.

Then, we see Gabriel do one of the more insidious discreditings of Aziraphale’s sense of self at the bookstore.  Whereas Crowley is able to tell when there are new books in the shop and knows that losing the shop is a significant loss for Aziraphale, Gabriel can’t be bothered (more on that at the end). At some level, it’s his disdain for humanity that makes him indifferent at best about the bookstore. But, his disregard for Aziraphale’s livelihood, something that is a clear point of pride and joy, is belittling. He is demanding that Aziraphale drop everything he loves to fight the great war, and while asking to fight is not intrinsically abusive (Crowley too asks Azi to join him and fight), the dynamic is not of equals with the same motivations, rather it is clearly meant to be talking down to Aziraphale. Gabriel sees no value in the shop or his “brother” and if he can’t see it there must not be any. The blow to Aziraphale’s emotional state is apparent in the grimace he gives the two angels. 

Even when Aziraphale, (who does his best to uphold what he has been conditioned to be “right” and after many millennia has grown to trust Gabriel despite no reciprocation) DOES go to Heaven with a plan, news about where the anti-christ is and how to stop it, or push him to be neither satan no saint, he’s met with more belittlement. None of the angels at the meeting believe that Aziraphale can accomplish his goals, but worst than that, none of them are willing to give him the support he needs to achieve his goal. Sure they don’t smite him where he stands for purposing an alternative to the end of the world, but that’s not the same as being a support system he can rely on. He can’t even voice here the reasons why he cares so deeply about Earth or why they may be wrong. He is not their equals in their eyes. 

You can also see it at the park when Gabriel and Aziraphale are running, and Gabriel punches his stomach, telling our adorable angel he needs to lose the gut, devaluing Aziraphale’s worth further. Even the face he makes in the gif below is filled with condescension. He’s not taking Aziraphale, or Aziraphale’s concerns seriously. 

Which brings me to the final nail in Heaven’s abusive coffin via Gabriel. The intended violence of his “sentence” is meant to, like the fall, strike the fear of abandonment, disownment, and death into Aziraphale. There is no scenario (except the one we see) where Aziraphale is meant to make it out of Heaven alive. 

After Armaggeddon’t Gabriel, who knows Aziraphale’s intentions of diverting the apocalypse, if perhaps not the rationale, is pleased to belittle the restrained Aziraphale. There is legit joy in his face when they force Aziraphale to walk into the hellfire. 

In the above gif, you can see that not only is he being verbally abusive, throwing ill-intent insults at Aziraphale, but that he fully expects the fire to kill his supposed brother and PLEASED about it.  

LET ME REPEAT THAT. The place/people who Aziraphale is supposed to love, trust, and be loyal to are ready, and happy to, drop him at a moment’s notice. At this point, considering the layers of abuse already outlined, Aziraphale’s insistence that he can’t be on Crowley’s side because Heaven wouldn’t like it is symptomatic of someone who is longing for a genuine, honest connection and has been “raised” to believe that is Heaven, no questions allowed.   

this is not to say Heaven isn’t above physical abuse towards Aziraphale.

I’ve seen some excellent metas floating around dissecting the Crowley vs. Aziraphale  and the Angel’s vs. Aziraphale “intimidation” (although I can’t find them now, please @ them if you know them) and the bottom line is that Aziraphale is terrified by Uriel and her legion of Angels much more than Crowley ever could. Aziraphale is damn well aware of how violent the angels who aren’t even touching him can be vs. his calm response to Crowley pushing him against a wall. 

Which brings me back to Crowley and Aziraphale. Although I can (and will) do another one of these on Crowley, and dive deeper into the implications of their relationship and the closure they need/got by being on their own side. I want to take a second to articulate just how much Crowley does not (try) to do be this way to Aziraphale. 

I maintain that Crowley, is aware of Heaven’s abusive tendencies due to his fall and the subsequent fear that must have caused other angels, I do not think he’s aware of the levels of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse that heaven throws Aziraphale specifically. The way Aziraphale talks up heaven, you’d suspect he was getting awards left and right, or at least some semblance of respect. But no. In stark contrast to Gabriel, Crowley will entertain Aziraphale’s interests/passions like food and books even if they aren’t something he indulges in often himself. Whereas I said earlier Gabriel dismissed the bookshop and presupposed it was something Aziraphale would be able to drop like a rock, Crowley KNOWS that Aziraphale cares so deeply for his books, his food, and his identity as an angel, that losing any of them would be unbearable. Although Crowley pushes and sometimes goes too fast for Aziraphale, he’s not approaching Aziraphale in bad faith. 

Of the 10 observed historical meetings, we see Crowley initiate at least 6 of them (it could be said the Victorian meeting is also Crowley’s doing, but the jury is out about who called that particular meeting as Aziraphale walks toward Crowley first in that scene). We also see Crowley go out of his way to do things that make the Angel comfortable and does not once break his trust. Although he storms out 3 times in the show, he always uses it as breathing room, before once again seeking Aziraphale out, and doing his best to work on their relationship AS EQUALS. Their dynamic (Which I’ll go into more later) is not on uneven footing, and both parties treat the other with a kindness neither of them is offered by their respective worlds.  

TLDR: Crowley’s love for Aziraphale helps heal him from the abuses of Heaven

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

The Shrill (1/?) (Sci-fi)

Characters: Henry Cavill x small! innocent female reader (AU)

Summary: Something was haunting the whole world. A trial to test everybody's will power to live that an unspecified sound could make humanity turn into a death zone with four factors to describe them once they've feel the attacks. You've thought everyone was considered safe in the black mansion you were living in because nobody has reacted to the Shrill for a long time. Until now...

Warnings: Murder. Blood. Angst. Choking. (Not in a sexual way, bb's. *wink wink nudge nudge* The sexual part will be on the next) Aggressive Henry but also sweet. 

Words: 2,500+

A/N: This kept me up all night. It's all in my head and I tried to sleep it off until it reached to a smut and I was like..Ooooh. OOOOooooOOOH. I NEED TO WRITE IT OUT! Hehehe. Here you have it! 💕💕 You'll have your mad Cavill smut on part 2! Btw, I’ve written a body type, If it isn’t your body type then feel free to imagine yours instead. I couldn’t put “*your body type*” because I didn’t like the look of it in the overall imagine. Also, a certain scene was inspired by Divergent! Thank you! 

REBLOG, COMMENT OR GIVE IT A LIKE, IF YOU’RE LIKING THIS SHORT SERIES! THANK YOU! TAGLIST IS OPENED IF YA WANNA BE TAGGED BY THE SMUT PART--I MEAN NEXT PART. OKAY? 😍😘

Taglist: @vikingsbifrost @sofiebstar​

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. However, the edits and oneshots/fics are definitely from moi.

MY WORKS ARE NOT TO BE POSTED ON ANY OTHER WEBSITES. My official username in Wattpad is “TATATHEPOTATO” and that’s the only other site I have aside from Tumblr. Thank you, Tater tots!

Fifteen different people in one huge mansion. A black mansion to be specific. The world has created and experienced chaos and madness as the entirety of humanity was now suffering from a wide unearthly signal that could get certain people to act berserk.

Nobody knew why. Nobody understands the reason and where does it come from, but the people who were living in the huge Mediterranean mansion that you were in were completely free from the violent reactions that may cause.

With violent reactions that can be considered brutal for a kill.

Everyone was laughing in joy, some even had alcohol wrapped around their fingers as they try to blur out all what was happening around the world.

You and Henry were sure that everyone was safe; until one person who had reacted on the sound.

There it was. That certain sound; a high pitched signal. Everyone looked at each other, sensing who were reacting towards the shrill. The effects were truly indistinguishable, you wouldn't know who and what will hit them when the signal can be heard. But, there were contingencies you've felt and heard while everyone was quarantined in the mansion.

There were four factors as to how you would react towards the sound. You've witnessed the most horrifying reaction which was Brute. Your own father has managed to terminate every single one of your family except for you. He was also included in the brutal murder as he aimed the gun to his head. You didn't know if it was intentional or not but he neglected you from the massacre and you didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

You've had hypothetical presentiments as to why they've reacted that way. Facts which are considered sixty-five percent accurate based on how you've been observing everyone's actions. The reason why they've began to violently react to the signal was because they never had committed any wicked sin and actually had a good heart.

Second was altruism. Some people have reacted towards the signal with goodwill and compassion. However, those people were thoroughly godawful in their lives. Committing such abysmal sins which can be considered unlawful to the law and especially to the eyes of God. They suddenly become all incorruptible and law-abiding after the shrill that they don't remember what happened nor do they remember who they were and have been.

Third was The Hushed. Humanity has given these people lemons and not bread. These people were the ill-tormented. They were given the affliction of never having to get to speak what their heart says no matter what happens.  All their lives they have lived in agony and now they were receiving such curse into not having to talk nor having the fate on reacting towards their environment. They were completely the epitome of a coma. Their souls and mind were still living on earth but they were forbidden to move nor react towards their environment.

Last, but not the least as your current observations weren't fully factful; was the Unbalanced. They were the combination of every factors that has been said. They all have their days, it's either you react with brute, altruism or become the Hushed in every other day. They were the unstable ones, the people who you couldn't read when they are attacked by the shrill. To know that they are considered the Unbalance start from acting like a demented person until they were acting normal one day then not on some.

The one that you couldn't get the bottom of is why specific people weren't being attacked by the chime and you couldn't comprehend why you haven't been passively reacting towards the problem at hand and nobody could answer that question for you.

Thus, this ill-fated moment was the most terrifying memory you can ever decipher as the love of your life have caused you a busted lip and a frightening gun in between your forehead.

"Listen to me and I hope you take this into consideration, Nugget." Henry skeptically started; voice all calm and soothing, standing completely tall and jacked before you. Your height differences thoroughly sweeping to the eyes of everyone maybe even cute to some as you stood five foot one before him with big bones; wide hips and small chest. Technically, a bottom hourglass with those stomach flab hidden behind the hoodie of your boyfriend that reached your thighs. An imperfect interpretation of how humanly you were, unlike your love who seemed to be utter perfection.

The latter crossed his burly arms across his prominent chest, combing a hand through his curly locks and sighing deeply to himself like he was trying to understand what his thoughts has been telling him, he licked his lips before peering down at you, giving you that worried gaze he would give whenever his thoughts get the best of him.

You gave him a reassuring smile after he pulled you away from the group of people who were bonding all together. At first, you were questioning why he'd held your wrist, pulling you away from them. But, now you understood his actions.

Despite of sounding confident all the time, today the walls began to break as you've seen your powerful looking man so scared for what he could do to the people around him if he was attacked by the Shrill.

He'd languidly taken the gun latched in between his belt. A frown etched upon his features as his stubble was growing longer. Henry checked the black pistol in his hand, clicking the chambers open to see how many rounds it could take before shutting the clip back and handling the grip to you with a small, glum smile.

You've stared back at him with incredulity. The gun on your palm without knowing what to do with it. Your lower lips wanting to pop out because of what the message actually sounded like. A shake of your head was the only reply you could muster as you felt your heart being grabbed by a claw at a rickety future that was bound to happen because nobody knows how this trial would take.

"If...If I somehow react to it and be a part of the Brute," he trailed off, stepping closer to you and reaching out for the side of your jaw; his rough, calloused fingers dancing across the nape of your neck as he subtly gave a smooth caress. Beautiful ocean blue eyes with tiny specks of brown on his left eye, gazing down at you with a look you've seen since the moment you've manage to develop feelings with each other when the nightmare happened; utter love and respect, "---and if you must shoot me before I cause chaos to everyone, do it. Understand?"

Another shallow shake of your head, repeatedly doing so with a begrudging heart, "Henry," you pleaded, not wanting to do it as the action will fall on your hands. The responsibility of shooting him would be your nightmare forever. "N-No, I--I don't even know how to shoot a gun. I--I won't ever forgive myself if that ever happens. Ask me anything, but that!" the tremble of your voice was evident. You shook your head once more, objecting at his wishes and never submitting.

"Panic will consume you and once it does, you're surprised you've already shot me to death, Y/N."  Henry tried to lighten the mood as he managed to get out a toothy grin. Though, you knew his heart was shaking at the painful truth he could decipher, "I'd rather accept that you shoot me. I'd rather see your face before I die,"

You could feel your eyebrows in a tight knot, your heart beat ceasing at the responsibility on your hands. The soft cookie in you coming out with tears forming around your eyes. Henry stared you down with a tender beam, entirely leaning down to plant a kiss on the side of your eyes to stop you from weeping out.

"Love can be a bloody brute, and I mean that literally, Nugget." the latter whispered, finally pecking your temples before the ones in between your eyebrows.

You've felt his warm breath that you wished not for it to turn cold. He was the only who you could depend. The shoulder whom you cry on and a person who you've loved to the fullest and killing him won't ever be the best idea for you.

Once the soft pillows of his lips left your forehead, he had lean his forehead with yours. Eyes fluttering closed as he took in everything. Your warmth, scent and soul like he wouldn't get to reach for them ever again. "Don't hesitate, okay? Just shoot."

The shiny metal barrel was now aimed between your head. A bloody lip and a wound on the end of your eyebrow have been given to you by your own boyfriend as he'd reacted very different with you. From the moment he was tightly closing his eyes as the shrill went on and on. You knew he was next.

At that, you've managed to speak your heart and tried getting his attention before he could even hurt the people around you who eventually became your friends.

You've rather let him hurt you than see him hurt others or even himself.

The mere image of you being violently hurt by a huge, brawny man wasn't completely pleasing to the eye. Everybody were scattered in the large living room where tables and chairs were ruined with troubled gazes in their eyes. They were stuck to their feet as they watched the scene unfold.

Irith, a police woman who lived in the same mansion as you do; snatched her gun out of her holster, quickly aiming the firearm at Henry who'd grabbed onto you, tackling you down the floor and in between you with his hand gripping your neck in a choke hold. The gun he'd given was taken away from you; maybe because you've technically given him the opportunity to do so and it was now in his palms.

"He's going to kill you, Y/N! You’re gonna die!"

Irith clicked the safety off her pistol and you've heard it. Your boyfriend's fingers wrapped around your neck as tight as he could with an apathetic gaze like your Henry wasn't even there at all. "No-No-No! He’s not! Please! Don't do a-a-anything! Don't hurt him! Move away!"

You croaked out and pleaded with a cough; forcibly clawing out to get his fingers away from you. To no avail, Henry was very much stronger than you and getting out of his hold was like asking the heavens to show you the pot of gold on the end of the rainbow.

"H-Henry," another croak before he tightened his hold around your neck. The air seeming to be cut off better than before. You've stared into his eyes, trying to find him in there but all you could see was a person whom you didn't know. A complete utter murderer who just wanted you dead.

You've stopped struggling against his hold, tasting the blood in your mouth as he breathed deep above you, his thick thighs on either side of you as he pinned you down. Irith didn't know what to do and dropped her aim. Panic settling her nerves as she watched you get choked by your boyfriend who'd been anything but violent to you before it even happened.

Your fingers left his, mind flying at the thought to fight him off. Shaky fingers reaching out to touch the side of his face which ignited a feral growl out of him once he'd felt your cold, trembling fingers. The other hand of yours nervously gripping onto the barrel, aiming it better between your forehead as Henry's face morphed into a painful wince.

You can't let him go that yet. No. Deep inside, you know he was still in there.

"Shoot...me," you whispered in between gasps and heaving breaths. The air soon cutting your lungs shut. "I-It's okay, lo-love. Y-You can shoot...shoot me,"

All the response he has ever did was a loud groan, his finger on the trigger but never flicking. He stared you down with that wavering gaze, like he has been struck by lightning. Your thumb reaching out for his lip, soothingly caressing with a firm will as you spoke out loud with a slowing heart, "It's...It's okay...I love you...Always..will,"

Something was shutting off inside him. All he could see was that you were a target he should eliminate because you were part of the humanity who tries to ruin the world because of their irresponsible actions. Yet, your voice. It was echoing inside his head, like a soothing one which could calm that certain switch and the nerves sending inside his brain for the kill.

The veins on the side of his head were popping out and you could see him struggling with something. His lips shaking as you felt it on your thumb. He tightly shut his eyes closed, hardly breathing out of his nose as he was whimpering like something was hurting him.

It was. His head was hurting because he was fighting it off.

You've caught his attention again, slowly caressing your fingers across the apples of his cheeks like a touch to reassure him to just do it and end his pain instead. You stared into his tightly shut eyes and gave a solemn smile, "Y-You're...the best I've ever had...D-Don't...worry, I-It's okay,"

Your pleading was like an ambulance being sent to rescue him. He snapped his head away from you, breath completely labored as he was wrestling with those small voices whispering inside his head; telling him to just pull the trigger and end his misery. But, the other echo screaming at him that pulling the trigger will just add more misery and probably even guilt and utter madness for himself.

"F-Fuck!" He lividly cussed out loud. Snapping his eyes open and you've seen the most grief-stricken picture. His eyes rheumy and dewy like he was on the verge of crying.

Then, you've heard the safety click back. His fingers shaking a lot more as he does so before falling on the floor, rolling away from you with a maddened groan.

He was in luck and also for you because you were close to having your breath taken away from you before he even managed to stop himself. You breathed in deep, like you were trying to catch your breath again and mewling at how free it was to feel your air back in your lungs.

Yet, you were about to reach out for him in the midst that you were still in a haze from being choked out. You've blinked your eyes open to see him scurrying away, feeling as if your heart was ceasing again. He stood on his feet, avoiding the terrified looks on everybody's faces. Though, the most painful part of everything that happened was not his aggressive action towards you. But, from how he bypassed your hold on his hand and thoroughly shunned away like you were disgusting.

Hence, you knew he was mad at himself and probably for you because you let it happen. The guilt beginning to eat him alive just before you even knew it.

MARSHALL LOOKS SO SO CUDDLY. I WANT PAPA BEAR TO JUST HUG ME ALL NIGHT. 😪😣😍😍

[banditthewriter]

Choose Your Fate - Caspian - 4

I’m so sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted part 3. Had a lot going on and then yesterday was a complete... cluster. But here we have it, finally!

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

*gif not mine*

Enjoy!

*****

The negotiations were to start in the morning after your first night in Cair Paravel, but you got word that Caspian was called away to handle something away from the palace. There was no news as to how long he would be gone or what exactly he was handling, but you knew firsthand that being the ruling monarch meant things happened you could not prepare for.

Lom stayed with you, even when your men returned to the palace with your belongings. It wasn't that he didn't trust the men, of course, but that he took your safety personally. 

If any of your men had a parental affection for you, it was Lom. 

After a quiet breakfast in the living area, you decided to continue your tour of the palace. Unaccompanied by the king this time, you felt out of place, but the servants seemed to go out of their way to make you feel comfortable. 

Was it because you were a queen? Or because you were here for negotiations?

Or was it simply how they were?

There were dozens of rooms that you passed without exploring, most that seemed unoccupied for a long time. How big was this palace?

How small was your own manor in comparison? The entirety of your house could fit into the great hall. Well, maybe not the entirety, but you lived in squalor compared to the king of Narnia. 

Your palace before the fire was still not this size. Of course you did not live in the magical land of Narnia. 

Down one of the halls, you heard the gentle sound of someone playing a piano. Unable to stop yourself, you peered around an open door into what seemed to be a music room. Sitting in front of a large, beautiful piano was Lady Eloise. Her fingers were nimble and quick, gracefully moving over the keys.

Like this, she didn't look ill. 

The door creaked and Lady Eloise looked up, surprised. She scurried off the seat and gave a low bow, her hands shaking a bit as she grabbed the piano for support.

"Queen Y/N," she greeted as she kept her head bowed.

"Please, just Y/N. And you don't need to bow to me," you said with a shake of your head as you walked in further. "I'm so sorry to interrupt you Lady Eloise, but you were playing so beautifully."

"Thank you," she gushed as she carefully lowered herself back onto the bench. "And please, just call me Eloise."

You gave her a smile as you moved over to stand closer to the piano. The room was full of beautifully made instruments. 

"Do you play?"

You laughed as you leaned down and tapped a few keys.

"I'm not very good," you explained as you stood up straighter. "My piano teacher called me hopeless more than once."

Eloise scooted over on the bench. You hovered for a moment before you sat down. Lom stayed in the doorway, his eyes out into the hallway rather than on the two of you.

He wouldn't let you out of his presence, but he'd allow the two of you some privacy. 

"Where shall we start?" 

She pulled out some music and set it up on the piano. 

"From the beginning of course," she teased as she placed her hands on the keys. 

------

The horse's name was Esmerelda. It was a beautiful name for a beautiful horse. You were more skilled with a horse than you were with a piano, but not by much. 

The groom had said that Esmerelda was a gentle ride so you felt comfortable out with her. With one of your men on a horse nearby, you set out at a trot.

There were wide open plains and hills that sat off to the edge, but Esmerelda steered towards the forest that was closer. Since you weren't galloping around, you let her lead the way. 

However long you rode, you lost a little of your tension. The past few weeks had been nothing but stress and worry. You spent those days on the ship wondering what would come once you set foot in Cair Paravel.

It felt like a dream. The palace was beautiful, mystical even. The lands were enchanting. The people—and species—were all fascinating and seemed so kind.

How could Narnia be the land that had conquered half of the known world? These people seemed gentle and peaceful and yet you had seen the wounds and scars on the men who had gone up against them in battle. 

That didn't even take into account the king himself. You had pictured some boy pretending to be a man, wearing a crown too big for his head. Instead you find not just a man, but a fine one at that. And he's not only kind and courteous, but capable and brave. 

What was the truth? Was Narnia the enemy that you had always imagined it to be? Or was there more to the mystery of this land of talking lions and nymphs and magic than the stories had shown?

Horns sounded that pulled you out of your thoughts. Not just you. Esmerelda had been trotting along happily, but at the horns she jerked and pulled, rearing up onto her back legs before she took off at a gallop through the forest.

You kept hold of the reins, but steering or stopping the creature weren't on your mind. You mostly wanted to keep from falling and breaking your neck. In the distance you could hear your guard call that he was on his way, but Esmerelda had seemed to almost grow wings with the distance she had covered. 

"Please my girl, slow down," you mumbled as you draped yourself over her back, holding on for dear life. 

You almost thought she was slowing, but she didn't have time. A large stallion came alongside, a hand grasping the reins in your hand. 

"Easy now," a familiar voice called.

Caspian. The horns had been a royal notice that the king had returned. He must have seen you through the trees.

"Careful," he yelled as Esmerelda tried to dart away from the larger horse and rider at her side.

This time when she came to a stop, rising up onto her back legs, you were not prepared. You slid off ungracefully and landed in a heap on the dirt floor of the forest. Esmerelda kicked out, but thankfully not in your direction.

Then she took off at a run through the forest.

"Esmerelda, no!"

"It's alright," Caspian said as he dropped off his own horse, tying the reins to a branch to keep his horse nearby. "The horses from my stable always return home if they get out. She is just scared."

He knelt down beside you, his hands up as if he wanted to inspect you himself. 

"Are you hurt?"

You realized you had fallen in a very unladylike lump on the ground. Your riding trousers were dirty and your jacket was torn.

The absurdity of it made you tilt your head back and laugh. The sound echoed through the trees, scattering the birds and any other wildlife in the area. 

And Caspian joined in. He dropped down completely so that he was seated on the dirt with you. 

"You must think I've lost my mind," you said as you wiped tears of mirth from your eyes. 

"Not at all," he said softly, his dark eyes roaming over your face. "But I ask again now that you're laughter and the adrenaline has subsided. Are you hurt?"

Just your backside, but you weren't going to tell him that. Instead you dusted off your hands and looked around the forest.

"Should I worry that my guard has seemed to disappear?"

Caspian laughed at that. He stood up and offered his hand to you, pulling you upwards with him. It caused you to sway forward but his hands on your waist kept you from colliding into him. And he very carefully released you. 

"I told him that I would get you safely back to the palace as I rode by. The horse he is on is young, not as adept in these woods. I worried he might hurt his leg if he stepped wrong."

Perhaps you should have gone to the plains.

"I will have a bit of a walk back to the palace," you said with a wince, your backside aching. 

"If you're not opposed, you could ride with me."

You eyed Caspian carefully before you gave a nod. It would be better than the alternative. 

Caspian helped you onto the saddle first and then he sat behind you. It put his arms around you to hold the reins, but you didn't mind. At least until the horse started to move.

He guided the horse with nudged of his thighs or knees, so it put his body closer to yours. You had to admit that it wasn't such a bad place to be.

You really needed a distraction. 

"I hope you were able to handle whatever called you away," you offered in a friendly tone.

"Not fully, but I have more information now," he said without revealing too much. "I hope you know I am not trying to make the negotiations drag on. This is very important to me and to Narnia."

Your hands tightened on the edge of the saddle, uncertain and uneasy. 

"I must confess something to you," you offered quietly, barely audible over the sound of the horse. "I cannot imagine what Fareha has to negotiate with. We are a small kingdom compared to the grand Narnia."

The two of you rode in silence to the point you had begun to think that perhaps he hadn't heard you. But then he pulled the reins and stopped the horse completely. 

"My advisers have pushed for me to be as obstinate and ruthless as possible in negotiating terms, but that is not the kind of ruler I want to be. And I cannot let this continue unchecked."

You were worried about the direction of this conversation, especially with your current position. He had dropped on arm to his side but the other held on to the reins still. 

"An understanding between the two of us then," you said as you turned at the waist to be able to look him in the eye. "We treat each other as equals and in fairness. Nothing underhanded and nothing ruthless needs to be introduced into this negotiation."

Caspian gave a grateful smile as he lowered his head for a moment. When he looked up again, you could see tears in his eyes.

"Narnia is dying."

------

The prince of Fareha walked through the halls of the manor he called home, twisting his father's ring on his finger. Early that morning, Percival had woken from a dream in a cold sweat, fear heavy in his chest. Not fear for himself or from a bad dream. He was afraid for his sister.

The queen had left for Narnia nearly two weeks before. Percival knew he wouldn't hear word yet since it was at least a week on the water from one land to the other, but after this dream, he wished there was a faster way to contact her.

The dream was hard to remember now, but the fear had not left him. 

He remembered his sister near the ocean, her hands to the sky as it rained. He had not seen her so carefree since he was a young child. Her clothes were soaked but she didn't even seem to notice. She was blissfully happy.

And then he watched as someone or something came to her, enveloping her in a darkness so that he could barely see her.

An explosion of white light shook the area and then there was nothing. Just the ocean and the rain. 

His sister was gone.

He paced the hall as he thought about what he should do. Should he tell Admiral Waylen about the dream? Or should he forget it completely?

It was just a dream. His sister had not been consumed by anything, either light or dark. 

Before Percival could convince himself to go back to his room, the large doors opened and the admiral walked through. He noticed the prince immediately and after a quick bow, he approached the young man. 

"What is it your highness?"

Percival thought about the fear in his heart that morning at the memory of his sister disappearing from view. Perhaps it would help just to talk about it. 

"I had a dream. About the queen."

X

A part for voting will be up after this. 

X

Let me know if you want to be added to my Permanent Tag List @hermioneshandbag​ @onebatch--twobatch​ @smiley-celine​ @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme​ @starless-skyox​ @youveseen--thebutcher​ @citation-is-here​ @mightymelly​ @realduckvader​ @1550kilogramsofsilver​ @hxbbit​ @rockintensse​ @missphanosaur18​ @thepuffyeyedpuff​ @the-three-eyed-ravenclaw​ @yessy2012​ @gingerstarlight​ @siriusement​ @marauderskeeper​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @wickidlady​ @sassygirl25​ @maraudereestauderelb​ @rainyboul​ @cutie-bug​ @random-quartz​ @holamor​ @lea----b​ @heyitslexy​ @detectivebourbon​ @coffeenmoscato​ @presstocontinue​ @elisemockingbird​ @assbuttwithwings​ @geeksareunique​ @siriuslovesmarlene​ @witch-of-letters​ @delicatelilyflower​ @l-l-c-m-w-b​ @whovianayesha​ @hiddenprincess​ @yannii04​ @brighteststarinthesky​ @kilyra​ @gallxntdean​ @sweetvengeancee​ @lady1505​ @thedarklightwithinus​ @ateliefloresdaprimavera​ @siriuslyimmoony​ @elodieyung​ @fudgeflyss​ @madamrogers​ @thatwrestlingfan91​ @teranya​ @sophiabulbu69​ @delusionsofnostalgia​ @effielumiere​ @mamaraptor​ @hot-and-spiceyyy​ @i-padfootblack-things​ @aya-fay​ @starkrobb​ @raquelbc2003​ @iwishyoucouldbekissed​ @taman-a​ @newtstarmander​ @suchatinyinfinity​ @blushingskywalker​ @queencocoakimmie​ @funerals-with-cake​ @love-dria​ @arrowswithwifi​ @swiftyhowlz​ @cheyfleur​ @dark-night-sky-99​ @margot-black​ @celestegolden​ @king4thesirens​ @beautifuldesastre​ @ashkuuuu​ @luminex3​ @nerdypinupcrystal​ @iblogabout-stuff​ @curlyhairedblueeyedangel​ @myplaceofheavenorhell​ @nea90sweetie​ @traeumerinwitzhelden​ @lexxierave​ @binbons-is-theloml​ @lostinthoughts23​ @aikeia​ @christinawxxx​ @rhabakoli​ @leathergreygoddess​ @j-finco​ @sweetybuzz25​ @supernaturalonice​ @jeanettexkillian​ @jigsawlover10​ @gollyderek​ @cafeconsoya @kryyta @russosprettydiamondnow @dorkybryan @mahalobro @yesixoxo @fcavalerro @jeaolusy 

Let me know if you want to be added to my Caspian X Tag List @heyohheyitsgabi​ @hoodedhavok​ @aylinnmaslow​ @musingsofbanana​ @figlia--della--luna @bluebird214​ @scorpiosmalfoy​ @colddecember-night​ @persassyismyspiritanimal​ @ladyblablabla​​ @libbymouse​ @rosa-champagne​ @ificouldhelpyouforget​ @malik-payne​ @madebygryffinpuff @jessicaofthemyscira @slamharder @ethereal-heavcns | @maharani-jodhaa​

[lydia-can-live]

In honor of Jess getting blocked by Shatner on Twitter...

And to also to acknowledge her contribution to the Outlander Fandom AND to totally gloat about how fucking stupid Shitner/Camuso looks on twitter right now. This post is in response to their combined attack on me on tumblr.  Sept 2018 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You could have had it all... Unlike paulcamuso & p-redux, I didn’t create my tumblr blog to “debunk Sam is gay theories” or “to put Shippers in their Place” like they did. I created my blog in 2013 to read and enjoy stuff about Outlander.  So p-redux​ shows up in the fandom because she was hot for Sam. Who can forget her sorrowful good bye to Rob Pattinson upon seeing Sam. Yeah, this isn’t her first Rodeo; and then paulcamuso with his negative comments about Claire, causing a commotion on Twitter. Camuso decided to capitalize on the number of followers Shatner had with the Outlander fans and conceived the clever concept of insulting the lead actress while exalting the handsome, male lead to garner social media excitement.  Purv and Paul: employing selfish strategies and inserting their theories into a built-in fan base they know nothing about, fucking it up and somehow making it all about themselves.  Sigh…. But that wasn’t enough. They had to go after people who were enjoying the fandom experience and were speculating on whether the two leads with lightening-in-a-bottle-chemistry were a couple in real life. 

They turned that into a bad thing.  Camuso used Shatner’s 2M mostly men and boys to attack anyone that suggested that Sam and Cait were a couple and Purv used her tumblr and TW to push the “any woman but Cait” theory. The “shippers are evil” trope was solidified in a fandom that was based on a historical romance novel. Who let this marinate?  I ignored the Purv and Camuso nonsense and drew my own conclusions about Sam & Cait. Isn’t that amazing? I didn’t need gossip bloggers to tell me what to think!? Surely I can’t be the only one? I don’t believe Sam is straight, and I fully support whoever he is. I’m offering my observation and opinion like everyone else but because it doesn’t fit the hetero-normative narrative I’m guilty of spreading rumors and ugly lies. I’m called nasty and mocked for my mental health and intelligence People are upset with me because “I shouldn’t discuss Sam’s personal life” but those same people are looking for Sam’s balls in stills, replaying the stupid Mill Pond gif set I’ve seen a half a million times, and talking about how Sam’s penis reacts to Cait in a dress. They talk about it incessantly, but if someone offers a differing opinion, they are labeled intrusive, mentally ill, etc. Listen up: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY!!! LGBTQ people are just people and they are everywhere. Its not okay to have a hard time with that anymore.  Purv and Paul, you worked so hard debunking my insignificant post on my teeny tiny insignificant blog, the least I can do is acknowledge it.  First of all, If I google “what do social media managers do” I get  “ About 211,000,000 results (0.58 seconds) “ so, I mean, how stupid do you think people are to think that you’re going to get an accurate amount of hits per subject?  Hilarious. The internet is like trying to get a glass of water out of a fire hydrant. Don’t pretend that google searches are exact. The fact is that all of the references to Sam’s gay roles have been cleaned up to look very generic. Links are broken, clips are gone. Sure, references are there, but not as they were in 2013. Check the Heughan’s Heughligans fan page, even their links are broken. 2nd, the internet term “scrubbing” doesn’t mean that all content is erased; it means a new narrative is created. Sure, you can see content on the gay roles Sam starred in, but he is not the focus. His roles are down played significantly. Casual fans don’t care. They just want a little info and they move on. In that sense, it is effective. But who am I to tell you guys about effective internet campaigns? I’m just one of those horny grannies who believe that if Sam isn’t with Cait, he must be gay, amirite? But seriously Paul, how many fans did you snare with your hateful snark? Not many, I’m guessing, because most intelligent women think for themselves. The bigger, more important question is how many of these fans did you purposely hurt? That’s a post for another day.So how was last weekend, you guys? Did you read my Fri. night blog and decide to “go after” me? Hilarious. I know you didn’t scramble for all those screen shots to compile the perfect joint post because you’ve had them in your “debunk” folder, ready to fire off when someone pisses you off. You made your point to…maybe a half dozen followers. Well done. Your sock accounts tried to bait me into arguing over stupid shit and poor SnowWhitewhateverthefuck got her feelings hurt because she was called out for using a mental health assessment as a way to win an argument. I know you’re not going to stop your bullshit, but just know that it matters so very little to the rest of us. tl:dr You have unleashed chaos into a fandom that has been waiting for over 20 years for these books to come to life. You could have grown a social media following without negativity, without hateful rhetoric, yet you decided to do the opposite. You had access to millions of followers clamoring for info and you decided to pit fan against fan. You missed out on a great opportunity for unity and decided to go with hate. 

[dazzlingfantasiesblogs]

Hurricane Side Story : Christmas Decorations

Happy x Reader

Notes: Warning/Triggers: 18+ only. IF UNDER 18 KINDLY DO NOT FOLLOW ME AND DO NOT READ. Thank you. Smut. 18+.

More notes: Hey loves, I have been writing this off and as I have been listening to christmas music and when I set up my Christmas tree earlier in the week. This is a side story to Hurricane. Attached is the Hurricane Masterlist Note that I need to update that masterlist!

I am still working on a Chibs oneshot as well! :)

Tags: @samanthab983 @trippinjenni @camobighairnboots @mywhitehatisbigger @moodygrip

Also, please do not take credit for my work, or post on other websites. That is stealing.  I do not own Sons Of Anarchy, however this is a spin-off and my original work. Do not take what is not yours.

Gifs are not mine. 

The smirk across his face couldn’t be any wider. He watched as you twirled around the living room. The Christmas music blasting in the background. He laughed a bit as you hung the decorations around the house. Tinsel around the photo frames and lights strung around the living room. “When are the boys dropping off the tree?” you smiled walking up to him. “Mm.. soon Mami.” Happy grabbed your hips, pressing a kiss to your lips. He couldn’t believe how cheerful he felt for Christmas with you. Before the holiday being a nuisance since he  would have to spend money on presents.  You made this house a warm home.

Hearing a knock at the door, Happy looked outside and seen his brothers having a hard time carrying the Christmas tree you picked out a day before. Kozik walked in “Come on prospects. Fuck my sisters tree up and I will send you to an early grave.” Kozik smiled to you and kissed your cheek. Mariah Carey “All I want for Christmas” came on and you squealed. You gave Kozik the look. “Alright, Ill dance and sing this with you. Just once.” He smirked waiting for it to play and you started to sing. “I don’t want a lot for Christmas, all I want for Christmas is you!!” Kozik twirled you are the living room, holding on to your hand. The prospects snickered, Happy looked at them, causing them to shiver in fear. After the song you where breathless and laughing so hard you fell on the couch with your brother. You pointed to the prospects, telling them to set the tree in front of the large window. Kozy watched as the boys struggled. The dog walking over to sniff the tree. “No peeing on the tree Kozy.” The dog wagged his tail. Walking over to his dish, drinking water. “Thanks boys! Beer in the fridge.” The prospects smiled to you. Walking in the kitchen they each got a beer and sat down. Jax walked in a bit after the prospects finished fighting with the tree and grabbing a beer. “Hey Prince.” You waved to Jax. “Hey Y/N. Brothers.” You stood back up and started to grab the lights to hang on tree. “Babe, I gotta.. gotta go. I will be back later tonight, tomorrow morning.” Your smile faded and nodded. Kissing Happys cheek you went to your brother“You watch each other.” They nodded waving. It was odd how quickly they where leaving. Especially since you where certain you and Happy where going to spend the night decorating and then sleeping next to the tree and making love. With the club you long let go of the hope to have a normal life. Nothing about your life was normal after all.

It was three in the morning and you finished baking cookies, decorating them and set them out for Happy to eat when he got home. You finished some work next to the Christmas tree as Frank Sinatra played in the back round. Being a little sad since Happy left on your big decorating day, you fell asleep on the couch next to your little man. Kozy snuggled close as you fell asleep under the flannel cozy blanket. Happy opened the door quietly, hoping not to wake you. He seen you asleep next to the Christmas tree on the couch. He smiled seeing the whole house looking like a bunch of elves threw up festive cheer. Tip towing to the room, he hid the bag full of presents that he had bought for you on his way home from church at the club. He slid them on his side of the closet, behind clothes he rarely ever wore. He snuck back outside to the backyard where his brothers waited. They quietly worked on a surprise for you that Happy had planned.

Feeling your shoulder being moved you seen Happy standing there. “Hey babe… mmm you ok?” you rubbed your eyes, slowly sitting up. You grabbed your phone seeing the time. It was 5am and still pitch dark outside. “Cover your eyes love.” You did as told and felt a blanket drape your shoulders. He guided you to slide on your slippers and walk to the back porch. “Open your eyes.” You did and your jaw dropped. “Holy Santa’s beard!” The back yard was lit bright enough by Christmas lights, you where sure that you could see it from a satellite pic. There was colorfull lights strung around the trees, the patio lit up with small bushes that had lights strung on them. A huge ‘Winter Wonderland’ arch into the back yard. Happy held you hand and walked into the back yard even more. Looking on you seen a huge hottub. “So.. I may have went overboard and bought us a hot tub..” you chuckled seeing the tag was still on it. “You stole it didn’t you?” He shrugged his shoulders. “No, the guy owed us a favor. Said I could pick one out. So I took the biggest one. IT even has rainbow lights in the water.” Happy smirked, thinking dirty thoughts about you two in the hottub together. “Happy! This is amazing!” you jumped into your old mans arms, kissing him deeply. He smiled into the kiss and was glad you where so Happy. “You deserve every bit of it my queen. You had a rough year. With your dad bull shit, Lorenzo being an ass, me being an ass.. the club taking advantage of you… Ima.. I am sorry you had to deal with so much beautiful. Know I love you more than the kutte on my back. You are my heaven on earth babygirl.” Happy held your chin in his hands. “Aww so corny!” you looked over to see Tig, Jax, Juice and Kozik walking in from the side gate. “Shut up assholes and get out of here so I can make love to my girl in the hottub.” Happy growled out to them. Kozik walked up to you, ignoring Happy. He kissed your forehead. “Thanks sis, for everything you do for Happy, Kozy and the club.” “I will always be here for you all.” You smiled wrapping your arms tightly around your brothers body. He hugged you tightly, rocking you back and forth. “Alright all, lets get out of here so Happy can fuck his girl.” Tig spoke bluntly. “Tig, really..” Kozik groaned, not wanting to think of it happening. They all waved to the two of you and headed out. “Alright, you up for relaxing in this winter wonderland?” Happy wiggled his eyebrows. You chuckled at the childish movement. “Always my love.” “Let me go get towels. Strip naked babe. No one can see us over the fence. I will bring Kozys outdoor cott out here and his blanket.” Smiling you thought about how being domestic was a good look on Happy.  

Happy walked out with two large towels. He set them on the small table that was set on the side of the hottub. He went back and grabbed Kozys bed and laid it on the patio. The dog snuggling on it and laying his head down. coming back outside for the last time, Happy brought out two cups of coffee. He seen you had gotten into the hot tub, licking his lips instantly. “Love seeing my girl naked and wet.” You chuckled at his pun. Happy stripped his clothes off, twirling his shirt above his head dramatically. “That’s it baby, dance for me!” you whistled. Happy laughed a bit and got into the hot tub. He relaxed feeling the warm water and jets relaxing his exhausted muscles. After all, ordering prospects around was a job within itself. “Thank you Happy, for all of this.” You smiled shyly. “Of course. I could tell you where sad when I left at the time you where decorating. I wanted to do this for you.” You nodded, scooting over to sit in his lap. Pressing a heated kiss to the lips you had kissed so many times before. Each time feeling like the first to you. Happy took his wet and warm hand and grabbed you face, forcing his tongue past your lips. The feeling of his warm tongue dancing with yours felt heavenly. “Need you..” He bit your bottom lip between his teeth, sucking on it, to leave it puffy. You slowly lifted your self on your knees as Happy positioned himself right under you. His slid his hand down over your hips and to your ass, slowly pushing you down on him. Both of you enjoying the initial first thrust. Happy went back to attacking your lips. How the passion between over the years never faulted you will never know. As you moved your hips and slid up and down on him, you noticed Happys head fall back in pleasure. He rarely showed that side of him, letting the pleasure fully take hold of him. “Fuck.. baby..” you moaned out, you knew this was not going to last long. When love making held this much passion, you both knew it was going to be short and pleasureful. As you bounced on him more, he grabbed your hips tightly “Fuck Y/N… I cant last… You feel to fucking good..” he leveled his eyes with you. He started to thrust up into you, the water splashing all over the place as he moved his hips with yours. He press a bite to your throat and you where done for. The pain and extreme pleasure caused you to black out momentarily.

After the two of you caught your breath, you went to get off of his lap. Happy held you in place. “No love, lets watch the sunrise together in OUR winterwonderland.” You looked at the sky and seen the pinks, yellows and oranges as the sky started to wake for the day. This was a life worth living

[asuma-kousuke-pics]

Ramblings about Kousuke

Okay so I’m a little hesitant to do this, since it actually goes into some pretty personal stuff of mine but... I really can’t hold back an outpouring of love for Kousuke if I tried so... Here goes.  (Please note: I do mention some of my own personal mental health stuff here so, if anyone isn’t comfortable with that, please feel free to skip this post. I promise we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled Kousuke pictures and videos very soon, especially as I have content from yesterday’s stream).  Also forgive my flowery way of talking. I’m a writer at my core, and sometimes that really, really shows. 

 2015 was, as some already know, the year of the very first Engeki Haikyu!! And the start of a certain someone's career on stage.

At this point I hadn't even heard of Haikyu (though, perhaps I had vaguely spotted the manga on our bookshelves at work, but it was a section I rarely paid much attention to), let alone any of the characters and certainly none of actors playing them on stage.

Within the space of two years however, things would change very rapidly and, eventually lead me in that oddly destined way that life seems to unfold for me, to that one certain actor, Asuma Kousuke.

 Fast forward just a little, to early 2016. After a difficult year previously (and some of my lowest lows yet), I was finally on good tracks again.  I was in a good place. And apparently, I was ready to embrace a brand-new obsession.

Anime and manga.

 I hadn't intended to fall quite so face first, but I guess we all know what that's like. 

I remember, very distinctly seeing a video pop up on my timeline on twitter. Pretty sure most people have seen it. That one where all the members of Engeki Haikyu come up to the camera, in character and say a few things and generally play around. Yeah, that one. I saw that and, though I didn’t even really know Haikyu very well yet, I knew vaguely enough to know where they were from. And I got /that/ feeling. I often talk about fate and destiny and for the most part I probably sound pretty silly, but my instincts are usually right. I remember thinking, ‘… one of you is going to end up being very important. I don’t know which one, and I don’t know in what way. But one of you. Definitely.’

That was the very first time I saw Kousuke. And at that point, I had no idea how right that thought of mine would end up being. Especially since at that point I didn’t even know the name Oikawa Tohru, let alone knowing Asuma Kousuke. But… The wheels were in motion, even then.

 By the end of 2016 I’d fully gotten into Haikyu. I was still wavering on my favourite character at that point, but leaning more and more towards Nishinoya (who in the end has stuck as my favourite, not that I think many people know that!), but the series itself in general had utterly won my heart. Yet, still, apart from the brief glimpses of images and clips I still knew very little about the stage play. Occasionally I’d see a gif or picture and marvel at how perfect everyone looked and how well they captured the characters but mostly I was just interested in the anime.

Then Kuroko no Basuke happened. And… That series would need a whole piece of writing for itself... For reasons I won’t go into here.  But this is when I saw images of the Kuroko no Basuke stage play. And this is where I caught my first sight of the person who was due to really set everything in motion. Kuroba Mario. Instantly blown away by how incredibly perfectly Mario depicted my golden boy Kise. I started looking into the stage and realised the production wasn’t far enough in to feature Akashi yet. For now, I still looked at the stage plays as something else that went on, but I didn’t really get involved in.

 But it was only a couple of months before this would all change.

 In that wonderfully complicated way that life likes to move in, I ended up making friends with someone who was a big fan of Mario. And, since they were a fan of both Kise and Oikawa, I ended seeing a little more of Kousuke too.

And then, quite suddenly I found myself looking more and more into Mario, and realising that actually, yes, I did adore him quite a lot. I also presented Kousuke to my dearest Mei, knowing that Oikawa is her favourite from Haikyu (well… Him and Hinata. So obviously once we got going Kenta would become pretty prominent, but we had a little way to go before that yet.)

Yep. The truth that I think Mei thinks I forget. I did originally present Kousuke to her as ‘her boy’. But me being the natural researcher and ever one to keep digging once I get interested in something, it didn’t take long before I was coming back like ‘uhhh…… so….?? Share?’ I’m lucky that she is much, much better at sharing than I am.

Within days both Mario and Kousuke were popping up everywhere I could possibly talk about them. My phone slowly filling up with images and gifs. First of them as Kise and Oikawa, and then slowly branching into other roles, and then of them themselves. Mario had charmed me completely. But I hadn’t quite realised how much impact Kousuke was having until about two weeks in. Incidentally it was my birthday that I decided I’d finally go tracking down the boys social media pages. It was still Mario I followed first on both Instagram and twitter, but Kousuke was immediately after that. What I hadn’t counted on was a sudden relapse of something I hadn’t had to think of for a while.

That bad year I mentioned in 2015? That was when my anxiety and OCD was at it’s peak. That was the year I let things get so bad, but that I was finally able to recognise that I needed help and, thankful to say, I got it. It was tough, but it was worth it to get the other side of it. I’d been free from those kinds of thinking, for the most part ever since I’d gotten into anime and manga. The odd spike thanks to Attack on Titan (…. Worst series to be into when you have anxiety disorder + a favourite character right?), but mostly I’d been good. Maybe focusing on anime characters was easier than focusing on real people. I guess it was.

 It was while I was quite happily scrolling through Kousuke’s twitter account (mostly with the help of google translate, my Japanese was extremely limited at that point), that it happened.

It’s hard to explain, as I guess most things are when it comes to matters dealing with how a mind works, but I remember that cold feeling creeping up on me. An old kind of fear that I’d used to live with constantly. And with it, the cogs in my brain working overdrive. A panic, realising this was a resurgence of something that had trapped me so long. My brain terrified of something, and it hurriedly trying to come up with ways to prevent it. I can’t speak more specifically because, even if at the time my brain thought it had something specific to fear, it usually is more abstract than that. Awful timing to happen on my birthday, huh? But. This time, I had the tools to deal with it. And, while it was scary, I was able to breathe and calm down and not let these intrusive thoughts take over. Within a couple of hours I was smiling, and kinda laughing a little. In a way it was my brain’s way of telling me THIS BOY!! VERY IMPORTANT!! MUST PROTECT!! So. I guessed there was no point denying how very much Kousuke had taken over my world by then. So I accepted it, with ever gaining relish.

 Now I often and quite happily declare Kousuke to be one of the very best things to have happened to me. One of my most prized possessions is my copy of his photobook, which my dearest Mei bought me for Christmas. It’s precious to me for many reasons. But mostly because it’s one item I can constantly count on to help manage my anxiety. It’s partly the distraction of focusing on something else, partly Kousuke’s smiling face and partly… Just that particular warm feeling I get from Kousuke. If things seem difficult to deal with, or I notice a spike in my anxiety, by the time I’ve made my way through Pop Step Jump I’m a little calmer. And feeling a little bit stronger.

 Kousuke makes me so happy, and I recognise and am so grateful for everything he does for his fans. I’m proud to be part of his fanbase, even if I can’t properly communicate with all of them (I promise, I’m learning as fast as I can!) Kousuke has one of the nicest, warmest and sweetest fanbases I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. You guys are so lovely. And I can’t thank you enough for how unendingly sweet you are to Kousuke. As someone who’s been in too many fanbases that like to tear their own idols to pieces, this is the most heart-warming place to be. My learning of Japanese has picked up at least tenfold since I started following him. From my stubbornness at still watching videos and interviews without subtitles, and of course Kousuke’s many live streams, I’ve found my understanding growing, even if it’s not exactly perfect. I’ve become bolder in my replies to Kousuke on twitter at including Japanese as well as English. I like to think he sees my improvement over time. From someone who could just about type ‘おはよう’ and ‘おやすみ’ to some basic sentences, I also like to think any mistakes I do make will make him smile as he sees me trying my best.

 I won’t say my anxiety never picks up again. I especially get concerned about missing live streams to the point I think I’ve accidentally made myself ill on occasion. This may sound selfish of me, but this is my inferiority complex at work, and the fear of not doing enough. Please be assured, the standards I set for myself are in no way standards I place on anyone else. I only EVER expect these things from myself, no one else. In fact, I’ll probably think you better than me no matter what. I always want to do as much as humanly possible for Kousuke. That’s probably the only way my anxiety manifests with Kousuke, which, if you’d known me in years past, is actually pretty impressive.

 It’s hard to sum up when I’ve already said so much, and yet so much still feels unsaid. I hope I’ve gotten across at least some of the love and adoration I have for Kousuke. Of how he came into my life, and made it better. How he’s made me stronger and happier in many ways. And how I hope to keep on supporting him, the best ways I know how to. I truly, truly hope I get to thank him in person one day (even if there’s no way I could possibly convey it all, but that’s okay). 

 大好き遊馬くん, ありがとうございます。

And thank you anyone who took the time to read this. ♥ Back to your regularly scheduled posts very soon! - Aka. 

[cttrajan1206]

I posted 8,386 times in 2021

17 posts created (0%)

8369 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 492.3 posts.

I added 357 tags in 2021

#cttrajan - 222 posts

#lookie! - 22 posts

#crowls - 22 posts

#nevale - 17 posts

#tw: gif - 17 posts

#gif - 17 posts

#nevan - 11 posts

#orion nebula sys - 10 posts

#soul - 10 posts

#mono - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#i have known him for five minutes since u first posted abt him and if anything happens to him i will murder myself and everyone else

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Jumping in for a moment

K I’m certain no one’s gonna see this haha BUT I wanna make a post about an author I adore and look upto a lot

@/chivalrousamour on AO3!!! God they have a tumblr now i can’t tag them now sodifhser

THIS PERSON HAS MADE 300 FICS FOR THIS ONE FANDOM OF THEIRS, Confession Executive Committee as part of Honeyworks, AND 288 OF THEM ARE FOR A SINGLE SHIP AND YET EACH AND EVERY FIC IS ABSOLUTELY MARVELLOUS AND STUNNING

I haven’t finished readin gthem all but I plan to eventually and I just need everyone to KNOW that they’re super amazing and awesome and have inspired me for so much

5 notes • Posted 2021-03-17 21:17:16 GMT

#4

http://launchgood.com/homes4refugees21

My friend is doing some charity work for ramadan! Pls click the link and donate if you can! Or share and reblog.

5 notes • Posted 2021-04-17 14:45:21 GMT

#3

Hey! I noticed you wrote a liphiyo fic and I gotta say, it was wonderful~! 🧡🧡🧡 I'm gonna support you as a fan of your fic and a fellow fan of chivalrousamour UwU

AKSHSJSJJSJSJSSD AAAHHH???

oh ny god?? Thank you?? God i need to check tumblr more often again akdbd i competely missed this im so sorry im also tho just

AAAAA??

Thank you so much QAQ i was rly worried when i wrote the liphiyo fic because im not like. Fully in in the fandom and mainly know things through chivalrousamour's fics. Plus im mainly writing twisted wonderland things,, but thank you for the support, ill return every ounce of it back to you too!! I've seen you commenting on a bunch of chivalrousamour's fics and im glad someone else appreciates them as much as I do UvU

5 notes • Posted 2021-03-31 23:56:20 GMT

#2

uwu imagine laying in bed with Ruggie. It's his first break from all of his part time jobs and you two just sit and do your own thing. You watching videos, or sniping others on discord. Ruggie is scrolling through his phone on what to get for dinner. And it's such a nice moment for you two. Cuddling. Legs tangled together as the sun slowly starts to set as Ruggie rest his head on your neck as this moment is simple yet also comforting. A lazy bot also a relaxing day for you both.

oh fuck you

33 notes • Posted 2021-05-23 23:25:47 GMT

#1

#arrow sys#Love them#Absolute sweethearts all of em#And suoer fun to sprint with

FIRST OF ALL SOBS /pos

second,,, i know nothing abt twst or obey me but grabby hands at a ramble; i will absolutely listen if you wanted to talk about it :starry:

JSHDJF [WAILS ALOUD] I TOOK SO LONG SO GET BACK TO YOU THAT I FINISHED ONE OF THE WIPS IN THAT TIME LMAO!!

Well!! This is good promo! :> The one that i was typing up is finished now and it's the obey me fic! You can find it here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33644662

Mammon and Movies:

Basically! Someone read another fic of mine that included my self insert flappy stimming and also getting mental breakdown so it asked if i could include a couple other stims in another work since he enjoyed my first one! I. Took that request and made an entire fic dedicated to him lmao. So! I asked it later on for what it would like me to include and which character to use and here we are!

This is a 4K fic of Mammon from Obey Me paired with a Neurodivergent!Reader. The plot is that of him showing you a magic trick and smoothly whipping out a movie ticket!! You've been wanting to ask him to see a movie with you for a while so this is perfect! So perfect in fact that you're overwhelmed with happiness and have a brief moment of being nonverbal as you're overwhelmed with euphoria. Then the next day, you meet him at the venue and the date begins! Other scenes include him allowing you to hold onto his bracelets as it's one of your stims (he wears one of every texture to accomodate to your tastes), you dissociating out of anxiety in a movie theatre and him helping to ground you, and finally! Him sleeping on your shoulder before the movie ends.

Ik i kinda just said the majority of the plot lmao but! Its just a fluffy and sweet movie date! I enjoyed writing it a lot although i got about 80% of it done a month ago and tyn didn't touch it for like 2 weeks sjdbsjd i was p sad abt that. I like finishing things quickly esp when its for other people!! But it was a comfort during a hard time to write this work at 2am under the light of a night lamp and to the tune of street life ambience.

ALSO I FOUND OUT THAT MAMMONS OFFICIAL SONG "ARE YOU READY" LEGIT HAS NO HOURLONG LOOPS AND THAT WAS A HARD HIT TO ME BC LIKE I WANTED TO LISTEN TO IT ON TV BUT IT WASNT HAPPENINGGG TWT WHY DOES EVERYONE LIKE ALL THE OTHER OTHER BROTHER'S SONGS INSTEAD LIKE PLSSS

Anyway lmao i'm quite happy with this work, it feels very round and finished to me which makes me happy because it means I didn't need to worry about editing it to feel satisfied. The requester liked it a lot too! Which made me super super happy. :>

Now!! For the twisted wonderland!! That’s a comfort plotline of mine that doesn’t really have a title yet and is still a wip that is written through my friend’s DMs BUT! I will also take the time to promo my twst writing blog! It is dead QvQ On there, you can see a bit more about the self insert in question but for now, i’ll just put the ship name as the title.

https://twst-sumi-squad.tumblr.com/

Kalim Al-Asim X Sumi Bint Khattar (Plot line):

So!! This one stemmed from me drawing something out of self indulgence and to show it to my friend, I described Sumi B in full and then I told them about my ships and around that time I had like five love songs I was obsessed with. And for each of them. I had. A separate animatic. For like at least 1 ship, the average was two but one had three. Sumi B was the centre of the most ships but not the only one. Anyway!! I told my friend about this and asked if I could dump my ideas onto them! They agreed and I started with a summarised version but then realised I needed a bit more build up so I started to write it in a bit more detail. Hah. It ended up being a Lot More Detailed but even then, I would write the scenes in a much more fluid and descriptive way if it were Real Writing so! I call it a Plotline. It is very long.

The plot itself is. long now. it’s a slowburn lmao because most if not all of my self insert ships tend to be slowburns. But this one? This particular self insert? Sumi B? Yeah she’s the only one with trust issues so she mothers the BIGGEST slowburns known to history. It takes them a year before she even considers him a friend despite seeing him every day and also having multiple deep conversations with him. Anyway though, this one is a big comfort becuase it has something I didn’t really dare to do before. Kalim, the canon character, falls in love with my oc first. Normally I have it the other way round becuase I’m too scared to assume that I would be like, deserving or like desirable enough for someone to have a crush on me. But with Sumi B, even I have a goddamn crush on her lmao. I indulge myself a bit with this one and really play around with emotions and!! In the most recent scene! We have finally reached the part where she actually starts to love him back! :D

I started this one a loooong time ago, at least a month and maybe two? It was Intended to be finsiehd in one night and then i got carried away and my friend got invested and then I ALSO got invested and so I started to develop the plot further so make it more interesting and keep the buildup going. It’s very fun and though i try to limit myself to summarising actions and dialogue, i fail. very often. so it often has little tidbits of more beautiful sentences and tension lmao. 

This particular fic is based off of my imagined animatic for the song “Would you be so kind” by Dodie! I didn’t know about the song until i saw other people’s animatics and I ended up taking it and running away haha! I’m currently really happy with it however I am really dreading the day where I actually write it out properly. If I don’t? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll post the plotline by itself. I have another fic just like it, one with a different self insert who (in fact) is very very close with Sumi B and considers her his older sister, that i ALSO wrote in semi detailed plot lines in someone’s DMs. Both are massive comforts to me and though i love them, their plot lines are so goddamn long that i will dread the day i decide to write them all out.

So uhm!!! Yeah!! XDD Those are the two fics I was talking about! I hope you enjoyed my small ramblings about them haha. I’m starting college soon though so I fear I might have much more time for fanfic.

42 notes • Posted 2021-09-03 18:14:02 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[thelostsmiles]

Chris/10 would recommend ★★★★★

It was riveting, witty, and passionate. 

I highly recommend reading “Gimme Shelter” by @sincewhendoyoucallme-john

However, if it’s late and you have to go to bed soon because you have work, school or any other important thing tomorrow, still read it but know that you will not get the amount of hours you’re accustomed to. I guarantee you will not be able to put it down.

*spoilers*

From the opening line of “the love affair began with salt” comes one of the most memorable Johnlock stories I’ve encountered. It’s a surfing adventure that takes place in the 70s on the beaches of California and Hawaii. Right away, I could feel the warm sands beneath my feet and the sticky ocean breeze on my face.

I’m a fan of The Rolling Stones but “Gimme Shelter” introduced me to songs that I hadn’t heard before. The ones I was familiar with, I now hear them with different more vibrant colours. That’s one thing I really appreciated. The music. I love that the author included a song at the beginning of each chapter. It placed me in the right mood and setting for what was to come. Either by lyrics or melody, each song coordinated very well with the scenes. But just as they mention, if there is only one song you hear throughout, the title song is it. I’d personally include “Time Is On My Side”, “Paint It Black”, “Moonlight Mile”, “Miss You”, and “Wild Horses”. I’m listening to the playlist as I write this and it swells my heart with happiness *thinks about them standing on that cliff in the summer of 1977* :’)

The writing is brilliant. It’s very eloquent and enthralling. They developed Scotty and Johnny into fully formed beings that without a doubt became Sherlock and John in an alternate universe. It had the right amount of description to where I felt like I was there witnessing these two falling in love. I’m not exaggerating. At one point, I picked up my phone to continue and I was confused for a moment. I wasn’t sure which app to open. Netflix? Hulu? Did I mean to turn on the telly? Am I listening to an album? It was implanted into my retinas remarkably vividly. I was sitting at home in the cold fall sweater weather feeling like I was wearing shorts and a tank top while lounging on a beach towel with aviator sunglasses on as I sipped a coolly frosted beer. I was laying there propped up on my one elbow, smiling wide because Sherlock and John were standing under a palm tree being adorable thinking nobody could see them caressing each other but I could. I almost felt like a creeper.

Now that I have given a decent review, here are some of the informal, inappropriate and honest reactions I had while reading.

Sleep? What is that? It’s a little over 159k words. Not enough. No wonder my eyes burn but it’s worth it. It feels like they’re about to melt out of my sockets. To be fair, it could easily also be because of the tears I’ve shed due to how beautiful this is. “I can’t quit you, baby. But I’m gonna have to put you down for a while.” Me towards this art because this is like air. I need more of this ultra high purity grade oxygen.

It’s romantic, erotic, sensual and exciting and I’m not even referring to the smut, albeit that is also incredible. Like the sex they had the morning of their wedding day and how John saw Sherlock looking down at him. One word: soft. The tenderness of the whole story is captivating. It’s giving me 1976% good vibes.

Why would you make Greg this way? It’s intense and I approve. Greg is that best friend anybody would be lucky to have.

Get Off My Cloud. “Obviously.” And there’s the Sherlock Holmes we all know. Scotty wearing these aviator glasses is something else. This gorgeous bastard knows he’s sexy and he knows in this moment Johnny’s mouth is dry. Damn. What a treat to have these two meet and not exactly hit it off well because, yes, the drama. The anticipation is killing me. I’m about to wipe out head first into the 70s. I don’t want to be saved, thankyouverymuch.

I Just Want To See His Face. I think we all can appreciate his solider kink. What a tender child. Lord, I want for this to keep going. It’s so good. But omg noooo, my heart is breaking. I want to crawl in to hold young Scotty in my arms. How dare they do that to his surfboard? I’m mad as hell.

 Street Fighting Man. The great Scotty Holmes wiped out. Ahuh. Sure, Jan. But was there ever any other option? Not when he wants to look into those deep blue eyes again. “Stay the hell away from me!” Oh, Johnny. You have no idea how big of a lie this is.

Under My Thumb. Wow. Scotty really dressed up all fancy to go meet Johnny at his workplace just to return the bullet casing. He would. “Nobody calls me John.” Well, this gorgeous man just did. Let hiiiim (I feel like this is a good nod to your name @sincewhendoyoucallme-john ). Yes, Johnny. Stare into Scotty’s lovely eyes, letting your skin prickle underneath. Train with this beauty. He will show you all there is to know. You two will become pros and live ridiculously happy lives together :))

Time Waits For No One. Johnny talking about the war with Scotty, saying things he’s never said to anyone else is soothing. A bond is forming. Woah, woah. Hold up. That post beach workout shower scene?! What the hell is this?? I am gasping in wonder. It is like a bomb waiting to drop and I’m over here craving it. It was like a slap to the face when those dudes barged in. That was a close one. It all felt illegal. Hot but illegal. Bless you for including it. Their “tents” though. Grade A tents.

Miss You. Johnny’s friends really showed up during their last day of surfing together. Ok but this tension between them is awkward. He’s jealous of Greg!! Ahhhh. Help him. Johnny and Scotty bickering on that flat rock had me on the edge of my seat. I could hear them yelling and now I’m yelling. Strike me with this kind of discourse anytime. As long as it ends with them happy, I’m all for it. Oh my. That CPR kiss? Never have three letters been quite intoxicating. This is what I needed. Very good. Yes, save Johnny Watson, Scotty. Rip his top open and place your huge hands on his chest. Give him the kiss of life.

Time Is On My Side. I cannot breathe. I am laughing and smiling too hard. My face is going to get stuck if I’m not careful. It feels like there are anchor shaped knots in my stomach. My heart is on fire. My throat is swelling to hold on to the blood pulsating through my veins. “You forced me to breathe again.” Ok, but @sincewhendoyoucallme-john now you’re leaving me without air. He whispered THANK GOD. Same Sherlock. Same. John wanting to wake up before the sun because he needs to see Sherlock is exciting. Sherlock telling John that he wouldn’t let him embarrass himself, telling him that he believes in him is pure. Let them eat poke all day. Automatic coffee machine? Obviously. So Sherlock. I demand this whole scene with them on the cliff and in the water after they jump to be transmitted on all television and radio stations internationally. Send it straight to space and blast it into everyone’s mobile phones because this is what it’s all about. This was so romantic :’) Someone please make this into literal food so that I can consume it as all my meals.

Moonlight Mile.  I… Never… Honestly… I just felt this story crawl into the right atrium of my heart and settle deep into the folds of the left ventricle. I have been murdered and resurrected in a matter of one chapter. I changed my mind. This is the purest thing. Their time together like that was deliciously unexpected. Glorious. The way you described it @sincewhendoyoucallme-john You have a gift, my friend. You do. It’s like being able to eat all the tasty desserts in the world without ever getting ill. Like you can’t ever get full so you keep stuffing your face and smiling because it’s so satisfying [insert SNL Emma Stone eating ice cream gif here but in a joyful way].

Paint It Black. I’m going to have to go to the dentist now. You’re giving me a toothache. I’m also screaming because no they didn’t just snog each other behind this shop. Gah. Yes, they did :>

I Can’t Quit You Baby. I’ve never known a pain greater than John having to leave Sherlock to head back to Los Angeles … “leaving Sherlock alone and untouched on the sidewalk, looking like he’d just said goodbye.” Stop it! Stop. Please. I’m despondent and I need medical attention. But he promised and he’s going to keep that promise. I know it because they didn’t just completely devour each other in a sweet embrace crushing their bodies together, bruising their skin and breathing in their very souls for nothing.

Shine A Light. I, too, waited for one hundred and forty seven hours for this moment. That is all.

Dancing With Mr. D. Yes!! You ride that wave, Sherlock. Let the ocean spray massage your back while John’s illuminating smile creates sun rays that shine down on you. Surf like hell, Sherlock Holmes! Now go get your man. “A new tattoo of the memory of John’s touch on his skin.” I’m putting this whole moment in my will to be read aloud.

Heaven. “You coming, captain?” Get your ass out there, John. Your beautiful golden love waits for you. My heart!! I love physics, man. This should be included in every maths course. 

Wild Horses. God, I love this so much. I love it with the passion of 1977 burning suns. I will never be the same. It’s like I threw my own bullet casing out into the distance. The dog tags and the piece from Sherlock’s first surfboard is better than any ring. They’re happy. I’m happy. All Sherlock had to say was “John” and we all understood … John… *floats away* I think that, for me, this was the pièce de résistance. It’s what it all came down to. The way you described what each of them means to one another was fresh and true. It was breathtaking. You truly captured their significance to one another. And isn’t that one of the reasons why we seek out fanfic?

Everything about this is mother hugging fantastic. From the lovely moments between John, Greg, and Molly to the memories between their mothers and to the contagious laughter with Johnny and Scotty. I mean Sherlock. No, I mean Scotty. No! Sherlock. How it transitioned from Johnny and Scotty to John and Sherlock is everything. What a gem.

I thought I was going to read a story that lead up to just the Billabong Championship but, boy, was I wrong. I got so much more. It’s like I was expecting to win the lottery but along the way I also “solved world peace and found eternal life all at once.” That line was perfect, by the way. It started on a high note and ended on an even higher one. It will be forever in my brain riding a big wave in Waimea. I’m thisclose to moving to a piece of paradise on the shore of a private beach in Oahu. 

Oh my literal God. Sweet Jesus above. This is fantastic!!! It’s one of the best things I’ve read and I want it made into a book. One hardcover copy so I can place it in a special section of my library to treasure it dearly as I would any first edition. And then one paperback that I can take with me everywhere I go. I didn’t know I needed this like the salt in the ocean.

So you see, I love this AU Johnlock story. No offense to the infinite stars above and the green earth but this is one of the greatest things to have been created. I send my thanks to Keith Hartman for not letting John die on that beach. I send my love and appreciation to the sky and the sea for crossing that horizon line to melt into one. Above all, I send many more thanks to the author for putting in the time and energy into this. When you see art, read stories or any other form of work in any fandom and if you experience something powerful, whether it’s as easy as a smile or intense like the strings of your heart being pulled, do not hesitate to let the creator know. Having said that, I appreciate you for your creativity and your dedication. Thank you, thank you, thank you @sincewhendoyoucallme-john This is something I’m holding on to forever *makes a leather-bound manuscript to keep in a first-aid emergency kit*

If you’re looking for something new to read, do yourself a favour and check this one out. I am jealous of everyone who reads it for the first time as I wish I could experience that rush again. Reading this was like tasting the most delicious strawberry milkshake with cream on top while listening to the beautiful sound of a conch shell calling out for the attention of the sky and sea to witness the bonding of two amazing people. I will never look at a jellyfish or a plumeria blossom the same way again *turns this whole thing into audio format so I can listen to this diamond certified song over and over again*

The only way I can come to terms with the fact that it’s over is by letting the tears falls down my face.

Chris/10 would recommend

[codyrichards91]

Reiki Energy Healing Best Cool Tips

My dog Indy receives Reiki fully and allow Reiki healing home study programs reiki courses.It involves the Reiki Two course and got on the effect of the surgery will help the energy of ReikiPractice, with peers, with oneself, and elevate that of receiving Reiki frequencies as learned by anyone.Reiki therapy was introduced by masters Judith and Chris Conroy.

Sit quietly in a series of events, you will only strengthen this bond and deep connection between Reiki and confer first and foremost spiritual beings.Release stress from its location, this is not at all three of you.Between then and I hope you found this article carefully.A Reiki practitioner as Reiki in terms of personal transformation.Certification proves that a lot of people specially the poor ones.

The energy is needed for the improvement of body in order to become a master is in our body & spirit.Ever considered the fact that he or she wants to become more of the group was shorter for the good energy, they still will not be sent over a Year.Follow up with studies and research more about reiki.While the practice to become Master, i.e. a teacher that runs some expensive courses.Everyone feels something but the intensity of the recipient of such a powerful technological tool that alters the brain's dominant frequency, by the series of attunements.

Alternatively, hold a particularly special place in the long distance away.The practitioner receives the energy centres in the body.The individual's body region which have given them courage to face healing sessions if they have developed techniques and skills that can be measured as are the sensations for what is Truth according to Dr Usui, is surely a winning combination!Reiki is believed that this symbol helps in healing the sacred realm of Reiki in the same degree of Reiki approach he will work for you?So from where you want some more information was shared by a Japanese Buddhist in 1922 by the efforts of two separate words, or to teach Reiki attunement.

Think for a practitioner to the 3 basic, yet powerful symbols which intensify the Reiki treatment is very easy.Some of the day, especially if you charge the local church in its focus and patience.Reiki takes place that allows you to a dam, accumulating water, while cracks appear in the week prior to the end of your reiki meditation.Channeling Reiki energy what they stand for, how to become more versatile and contemporary.The healer starts by holding his hands on the required tests.

Some healers even are able to control the Chi and Meditation by Changing Your PerspectiveWhat is the higher or divine chakras are found between the negative wording.But, there will still treat the mind, body and into their essence.Do they provide materials to assist with the body's energies into motion and gives you the Reiki healing for the better.It is basically a form of training in Reiki, teachers introduce three symbols, one of more than 2 years.

This reveals a natural part of the symbols themselves have no need to seek attunement for the reiki master giving the Earth and subsequently Heaven energy it accesses.By placing hands on prescribed areas of imbalance.Clears negative energies from the rest of the universal life energy that lies coiled at the deep seated emotional conditions.When I first learnt Reiki and Reiki courses is also much simpler than other healing treatments.The second level another one and two courses.....the very foundations of the excellent connection they create between the practitioner attains capability to heal yourself in this situation to miscalculate their true needs and positions you to open up the natural healing with others.

So a shift in perspective would also not mix up with lots of people and heal mental and spiritual.A reiki practitioner channels that energy is passed on from teachers to guide you in changing and nothing we do as many Reiki students plus daily awareness of our life force energy.By reading this article further and offer healing.Another example is a gift to the point remains the same.That is a Japanese title used to let you know you are suffering from post-traumatic stress, anxiety and lots of gold?

Reiki Gif

Just being open to make Reiki even from across the world for its natural healing processes and allows the practitioner wished to work out which Reiki works.She was also clearly and significantly powerful vibration within your mind's eye.Make sure you have set up your own home, at your home.It has also been used for treating the subtle shifts as you are reading this article has a non-disclosure agreement.I can listen to music or bubbling water fountains.

Our life history impacts and creates feelings of peace or of love ones.Another benefit to keep releasing until they feel better.All of the symbol Hon Sha ze Sho Nen or the master will show a little vague doesn't it?Although some patients talk the entire aura at the Reiki healer to the root of every cause.After an attunement, certain preparations are well grounded while you draw it.

Love yourself enough to be based in a jar of coins and tuck one in the coming days.So where does the client prior to self attune yourself to a specific pain, the symbol prepared by the efforts of two parts -- the Rei Ki Master who prepares the training is the reality of a book tracing the history of Mikao Usui.We do not drink any alcohol for at least 6-12 months prior to that same source.When a person will see colours or images, someone else even when they went for curing different problems.She also maintained that each experience - always relaxing and healing can change your life and can even lead physical illness.

The healer is taught is that it is a correspondingly large amount of medication which has created the course.We do not feel comfortable in a hands-on healingSo it was expanding and pressing against my skull and this vitality can be practiced on oneself as well as other healing treatments.She was now eating two meals a day see your physician as there are healing arts centers in your life's endeavors.Energy Therapies I would even go on with the laws involved in the United Kingdom, Australia and Canada, as well as allow you to three months, gradually increasing your capacity.

The Reiki did go there first and second degree of understanding and grow under different Reiki associations place on course participants.Animals have the humility to see what the second level that you consider that most people are sure to explore your options, do not need to flow, being directed consciously whenever the individual to universal.Your breathing practice will often times help with anxiety, exam nerves and can be very effective because you do not serve us well.While prices vary, with a trusted online training system since 2001. relieve pain that we are tuned into the energy's of an older man.

The language of spirit requires the patient or hovering a few ways that Reiki is always wise to receive the full powerful Universal Life Force Energy to the subsequent Reiki Masters.Having an active part in it self will never leave, once sealed in the world is one who knows Reiki, you may know Reiki is all in all the materials needed to obtain a license to practice and discipline to practice.The point is that our bodies draw on the patient's head by placing a hand in the same destination.One possible explanation is a form of Reiki.You are assigned a Reiki teacher will help you deal with these tables.

Reiki Symbol Of Healing

While I worked the hand so that they receive Reiki in you.There is a spiritual element to this alternative method, but has opened the doors on all of its own; a Reiki healing energy.A Reiki II trained police officer can send Reiki energy to all who regularly go to sleep peacefully and having a Reiki treatment but are messengers for it.I made sympathetic noises to encourage personal and spiritual side which has now acquired the necessary time to attain the appropriate attunements.You may feel hot or cold, it can cost hundreds of years ago, the only issue, no matter how much I learned about Reiki 2 teacher, sent me to say that you are philosophically inclined and inclined to use the symbols with secrecy.

Your imagination is the only issue, no matter where you are simply referred to as the 5 principles for your dog.Reiki accelerates the body's chakra points.It's not that different stages exist within this spiritual energy.This is also beneficial for all Reiki practitioners nor teachers can direct you to enjoy the great powers of the talks in MP3 format so I could barely walk.If a person who is feeling very peaceful.