#if you want to be tagged but werent dm me or just say i tagged you 😊

[flintbian]

10 songs, 10 people

Tagged by the wonderful @nightspires. Thanks for the tag!

Rules: put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs that come up, then tag ten other people.

1) Crimson Faces - Blackbriar

2) Achilles Heel - Dynazty

3) Upsidedown - Lacuna Coil

4) See You In Hell - Ad Infinitum

5) Bye Bye Blue Skies - Darkhaus

6) Call Me Little Sunshine - Ghost

7) Uprising - Muse

8) Eternal Rains - Ad Infinitum

9) Comanche - In This Moment

10) I'm Not Afraid - Emigrate and Cardinal Copia

Tagging: @bisexualspace @letsoulswander @linkedsoul @ferretly @dead-ghost-walking @daisybrien @bees-b @tiofrean @skatzaa @disc0inferno

[surshica]

RUMOR HAS IT..

: CL16

genre: fluff,angst? (if you squint),social media (smau) + written

warnings: translated french and korean,cussing

A/N: imma just add angst just in case i forget but if you squint maybe it’ll be there? also broken humor here i made this in the morning soo excuse any typos..not proofread btw!

synopsis: charles is in a new relationship with a runway model and fashion icon reader—all is well until a rumor comes around saying he is cheating on you with your bestie.. (fc: tingting_lai)

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc,yourbestie,lilymhe,pierregasly and 828,927 others

yourusername yacht trips with you are always wonderful <3

tagged charles_leclerc

yourbestie y’all are so cute it makes me wanna puke <3

alex_albon werent you there with them…

yourbestie yeah but that doesn’t mean i wasnt third wheeling half the time…

yourusername you literally invited your bf..

yourbestie he fell asleep 😒

arthur_leclerc …slanderous.

charles_leclerc everyday with you is a wonder day mon ange <3

liked by yourusername

pierregasly i think imma throw up

maxverstappen1 me too

landonorris me three

charles_leclerc go away.😐

f1wags beautiful as always!!

user5 check your dms bestie…

user3 drop the workout routine.

user2 okay BUT how does he bag someone like you. TELL ME THE SECRETS

user4 right the math isn’t mathing !

user1 he fr must of bribed her with like a castle in monaco or smthing

liked by yourusername

yourusername i wish 🫤 i kinda just got stuck babysitting him

charles_leclerc that’s not true and you know that…

view 67,223 comments

f1wags

liked by pierregasly,yourusername, and 30,743 others

f1wags was dmed a photo of what looks to be yourbestie and charles staring at eachother lovingly while yn is away! is this the case of playboy charles returning after years of being in a relationship with yn 👀😉🫣

user1 doesn’t yourbestie have a bf…

user6 yeah and it’s charles’ brother!!

user5 SOMETHING DOESNT FEEL RIGHT

user1 nah..she a brother hopper😭, yn and arthur deserve better

user8 idk where yall seeing the love like eye contact because i for-one do not see it!!

user9 RIGHT like it doesn’t make sense, it was yourbestie who introduced charles to yn so why would she want to get with him now when she had all those years ago to get with him? ppl making stuff up.

user8 it’s like you were reading my mind!

user10 it shouldn’t be our business too!

user3 PIERRE LIKED THIS?!:!he probably knows something we don’t…

user5 @pierregasly spill the beans mister; i know you know all the f1 gossip

user4 okay but why did yn like it too? does she know something too?

user2 yn liking this is definitely giving hot girl revenge arc!!

yourusername now wtf is this?

user13 SHE REPLIED. OMG SHE KNOWS.

user4 YN REVENGE ARC YESSS

user3 charles gonna regret he hurt this girls feelings

user9 we love a good villain arc!

user10 her replying is iconic

view 8,628 comments

yourbestie

liked by charles_leclerc,yourusername,lilymhe, arthur_leclerc,lewishamiliton and 682,167 others

yourbestie cheers to an 14 year friendship! you truly are the world to me, you are like the sister i’ve always wanted. i cherish every memory with you, i am greatful for everything you do for me! i can’t wait to see what the future leads us too~ 너무 사랑해요!! i love you so much

yourusername YOURE SO ADORABLE. :( i wish you weren’t busy so we could hang out today, 나는 당신을 더 사랑 !!! i love you more

yourbestie I KNOW IM SORRY something came up last minute but i promise to make it up to you in a girls day<3

yourusername yeah you better.

yourbestie anything for you!

yourusername @charles_leclerc take notes!

charles_leclerc you two are literally just flirting with eachother in the comments…what more do you want me to do:(

arthur_leclerc feel my pain

user3 aint no way she posted this while quiet literally fcking her bff’s bf behind her back..

user7 THIS IS SO CUTE IM SOBBING

user12 not until you find out she flirting with charles.

user9 can y’all take these negative ass comments somewhere else and just enjoy the fact ITS AN 14 YR FRIENDSHIP.

liked by yourbestie,arthur_leclerc,charles_leclerc

user13 i want what they have.

user4 brother hopper!!!😂

view 32,296 comments

yourusername just posted a story

f1wags

liked by arthur_leclerc,yourusername and 29,628 others

f1wags charles leclerc and your bestie spotted roaming around monaco ‼️ charles and your bestie were reported to go on a shopping spree and they looked very happy and giggly. reportedly they came out of cartier with two bags, both were holding a bag. maybe this a sign that these two are actually together 👀🔥

user1 no fcking way..

user3 ON THE FRIEND-VERSARY ??

user6 didn’t she tell yn she was busy..

user13 busy fcking charles..thats for sure

user5 this is more disgusting than i thought

user9 imma give them the benefit of the doubt maybe we weren’t supposed to see these photos!!

user10 we should fr respect their privacy, idc if he is cheating on her or not this is fr creepy.

user7 okay but coming out of Cartier with bags?! now i’m even more suspicious..

user11 i feel so bad for yn and arthur, the fact they liked this too. they need to find better bf and gf fr😭

yourusername 진심이야, 이거 진짜야? 🫠 seriously, is this real?

arthur_leclerc lets not get ahead of ourselves, you guys don’t know what’s going on..

user6 arthur you know what is going on between these two? and what they are doing together?

arthur_leclerc yeah, i know the plans but i don’t like that you guys are jumping to conclusions like this

yourusername 🤔

view 11,278 comments

a small pout formed onto your lips, ohone in hand screen frozen on the f1wag page. a part of you wanted to be in disbelief of what you saw. charles had told you that he something important to do and bestie name had said she was busy as well. the dots were slowly connecting as if it was a game of squares.

the thought of your boyfriend of almost two and a half years cheating on you with your best friend was not a pleasing thought, scowling at the idea of it. you were sitting down on the couch knees tucked into you, your head resting on them staring down at the phone screen. dozens of thoughts flooded your brain.

is he cheating on me? how long? does arthur know he is being cheated on? are they for sure cheating on me? they’re childhood friends i don’t think he is cheating on me! bestie name doesn’t even like charles like that! am i being played? the thoughts had flooded your brain you had completely forgotten to get ready. the vibration of your phone had broken you out of your dazed state. looking at the caller id it was him. it was charles, the words in bold “lover boy<3” had popped up with a cute picture of him. pressing the accept button you put it on speaker,

yn : hello?

lover boy<3 : mon ange! are you ready?

yn : ..uh yeah im almost ready!

lover boy<3 : okay i’ll be there to pick you up in 15 minutes~

his voice sounded deeper through the phone, a small smile formed onto your lips

yn : where did you go charlie? you’ve been out for a while..

lover boy<3 : have i? désolé chérie je devais faire quelque chose d'important, sorry honey i had to do something important why? are you worried about me? how sweet

charles had a small smirk formed on his lips, he just dropped off your bestie name at her house as he called you.

yn : who said that? no i was just curious, thats all.

yn’s smile slowly formed back to a pout. he didn’t tell her but rather just said something important, it didn’t make her feel any better.

yn : (sigh)

lover boy<3 : what’s wrong mon-

yn : 꿀 honey i’ll you back i need to go to the bathroom.

you quickly ended the call ruffling your hair taking in a deep inhale before getting up to go get ready quickly.

after rummaging through your closet you found a cute brown pleated skirt, to match with it you grabbed a white tank top and black and white cardigan with a black beret. looking at the mirror you smiled at the outfit heading to the bathroom to do some quick makeup. nothing too fancy

charles furrowed his brows at the erupted ending of the call. he didn’t think much of it shrugging it off. maybe you were just tired was a thought he had, not once did he think you found out he was with your bestie name.

you had just finished in time, charles texted you that he was outside. grabbing a small purse putting your wallet and phone in there pranced your way to the front putting on a pair of brown boots you had just bought. the walk to the car felt dreadful. the more you stepped closer more thoughts flew over your head, you were starting to convince yourself that maybe he was cheating on you with her.

you needed to shake the idea out of your head and you had to do it now, your hand was on the car door handle but you hesitated. charles noticed your hesitation, his brows furrowed some more as he leaned over to the other seat opening the door for you. “mon angé are you alright?” he watched you climb into the seat buckling up. one thing about charles, he is a person who is very expressive from the body language to the faces to the voice itself. yn looked at him placing a small peck on his cheek, “yeah im just a little tired that’s all”

charles stared you down he was trying to see if you were lying or not, “well tu sais tu peux toujours me dire n'importe quoi mon ange, si ça te dérange tellement dis le moi. you know you can always tell me anything my angel, if it bothers you so much tell me.” he tucked a piece of your hair behind your exposing your cheek that got what felt like a genuine kiss. the ride to wherever you were going was suffocating, both of you hated it. you cleared your thought brushing your hand against his free hand. “so mister charles where was this important place you went to today?” you wanted answers so you kept pushing for him to tell the truth. 

charles quickly looked and you before looking back at the road, “if i tell you where i was and what i was doing it wouldn’t be a secret mon ange!” he was being very smiley, your lips formed an o shape. “why do you wanna know? are you trying to stalk me?” charles snickered his shoulders slowly bouncing up and down. you shook your head clearing your throat, “i don’t need to do that i already have someone for that..” your tone was bitterly.

you were staring out the window, you didn’t want to bare the sight of him. what if questions flew everywhere you got more upset with yourself you didn’t want them, charles noticed the shift in attitude; “mon ange seriously tell me what’s wrong,” concern laced his voice as he grabbed your hand placing mini kisses on them “, i don’t like seeing you upset. i can any questions you have just talk to me..”

a sigh escaped your lips looking at the pouty monegasque, “why were you with bestie name today? she said she was busy and you said you had an important thing to do today. are the two of you you kn—” your throat throbbed as each word managed to escape your throat, “what?” was all charles could reply with, he quickly parked the car before facing yn.

“rumor has it you were with bestie name today at a mall together..there of pictures of the two of you together charlie” his grip on your hands tightened as each word flowed out of your mouth. “chérie im not cheating on you with bestie name, i would never.” his heart broke seeing you think of all that, “okay but what was important that the two of you had to go to the mall together?” you just wanted to few reassurance.

“well..fuck i cant say it but its a surpise. you weren’t supposed to see those photos seriously, im not cheating on you when i went to the mall with her earlier. we went to go get some gifts for arthur you can even ask him mon amor!” he watched as her shoulders that were tensed up became relaxed. “oh. i’m sorry that i jumped to conclusions so fast it wa—”

charles chuckled letting go of her hand, “it’s okay mon ange. its those stupid fan accounts fault for making you think that.” he said getting out of the car to go open the door for you.

he had taken you to a nice small cafe, it wasn’t very popular but it was one of your favorites. the honey outside atmosphere was definitely to die for, the way green plants coated everywhere. the two of you sat at what was a four person table. pointing at the two empty seats charles just smiled, “two people will be joining us but they’re running a little late..”

“i didnt get to say this but you look beautiful my love” charles who grabbed your hand the table fiddling with it. “am i never beautiful to you?” you scoffed playfully—charles was taken aback from that comment “no no you’re always beautiful you just look extra beautiful!” charles justified or well he believed. “so you don’t think i’m extra beautiful whenever?” you pouted playfully. charles who was lost for words “no you are just so—you know what i mean mon amour!!” he sighed frustratedly causing you to giggle at his frustration.

“you’re so mean mon chérie~” he scrunched up his face to make it look like he was upset, “i’m not mean you are just easy to pick at!” you justified, “mean.” “no” “mean” “no” “charlie we sound like children..” “well you started it” he smirked making you roll your eyes at him. a comfortable silence fell between the two, you started to believe the other two were just not going to come at all.

“you have pretty eyes charlie” you blurted out without a care, a blush crept onto his face. he didn’t know if it was the compliment or if it was the fact you were staring at him as if he was the only thing that mattered in the world, maybe it was both. “you think so chérie?” he felt the grip of his hand that had been interlocked with yours tighten. “i don’t think so i know so” she had such loving stares it made charles weak to his knees. the stares she gives him make his heart flutter like a teenage boy seeing his school crush, he was always lost for words, he was little butter melting in your touch and stares.

the truth is, he was upset with himself finding out that you had these thoughts, these thoughts that he was cheating on you with your best friend. he wanted to get you a gift and he didn’t want to fuck it up; he believed bringing someone who you held dear to your heart and who knew you best would’ve been the right choice—he didn’t think once you would take it as him cheating on you with her bestie. it hurt him inside.

he had always wanted to show you how appreciative he was of you, he never had the time but now he does. you do so much for him and he wants to thank you for that, the states you give him; they were loving and warmly. the way you love him throughout his career taking time to visit his races it did something to him. from how you looked at him, touched him, smiled and laughed at his jokes, how you talk about him so much to family, how you make playlist about him, and even made sure he felt like he was the priority in everything—it did something for him. since the first day he met you he knew you were the one for him.

the way you made sure you’re there for him after the races and that you were okay made his heart skip beats. he had always felt like the knight in shining armor in previous relationships but with you he felt like the princess and you were the knight. he loved everything about that; it was something new to him something he never would’ve thought he would love. the small cartier box warmed in his pockets. you are always doing stuff for him he just wants to do one simple thing for you, is that too much for him to ask for? he knew he had to wait for arthur and bestie name to get here but he seriously couldn’t.

he thought any longer he waited he would spill the beans about everything, “chérie you know how much i love you right?” his lips parted as his hand slowly made his way to his pocket grabbing the small cartier box. “always know, you tell me like every hour even on the race track” you had teased a smile evident on your lips. “tu sais à quel point je t'aime mais sais-tu à quel point je t'aime ? Je te chéris tellement, j'aime tout ce que tu fais pour moi, j'aime la façon dont tu es toujours là pour moi, peu importe à quel point je fais mal sur la piste de course ou je suis contrarié. tu fais tellement pour moi, c'est vraiment comme un cadeau! you know how much i love you but do you know how much i love you? I cherish you so much, I love everything you do for me, I love how you are always there for me no matter how badly I do on the racetrack or how upset I am. you do so much for me, it's really like a gift.”

“tu es un cadeau que je dois protéger de tout ce qui arrive, je n'ai jamais été doué avec les mots mais chaque fois que tu es avec moi, je fond. tu as sur moi cet effet que je n'avais jamais ressenti auparavant dans les relations que j'avais. you are a gift that i have to protect from everything that happens, i have never been good with words but every time you are with me i melt. you have this effect on me that i have never felt before in the relationships i had.” charles titled his head to the side closing his eyes taking a deep breathe, “charlie what’s this about?” you had questioned sitting up properly instead of slouching. “just promise me something mon amour. promise me that you will be with me no matter how hard times are.” charles slowly pulled out the red velvet textured box from his pocket.

it was a small rectangular box with gold like lettering saying “cartier”. charles had placed it into your hands, “you do so much for me so the least i could do is buy a promise ring.” his voice turned soft, it was silky soft. the box on the other hand was in your grasp you were staring at it, a prominent smile rushed to your face, “charlie..” you had opened the box to see a singular gold band with jewels graves into it, “its a promise ring, a promise that i will love you endlessly.” charles held up his hand showing how he was already wearing his.

“its beautiful…charlie. i love it” you took the ring out of the box putting it on a one your right index finger, “and i promise to love you endlessly.” a blush creeped onto your cheeks, “thank you 아기. 사랑해요 baby. i love you” charles wasnt fluent i.n korean that’s for sure but he knows how to say he loves you, “i love you too mon ange.” he grabbed your hand with the ring on it placing a soft kiss, smiling to himself.

“CHARLES I TOLD YOU WAIT TILL WE GOT HERE.” you heard your bestie name’s voice boom near you, it startled you but it made you giggle. “well you two were taking too long and i got impatient…hurry up next time” he scoffed, your bestie name didn’t let that slide and she started to punch him lightly. “i hope you didn’t fuck it up. be glad i went with you to get the proper ring size!” your bestie grabbed his ear and the two started to fight.

it truly did feel like home with them, “i’m guessing he gave you the ring?” arthur said standing behind you with his hands in his pockets, “you knew?” yn looked at him your lips forming an a line. “of course i knew thats why i tried to defend them but it was no use at that point, people jump to conclusions too much” he shortened a chuckle. “yeah you’re right they do.”

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername,yourbestie,lewishamiliton, alex_albon,pierregasly,maxverstappen1 and 1,827,289 others

charles_leclerc its always rumor charles is cheating on his gf but never rumor has it that charles is still and forever madly in love with his girlfriend of two years.

user8 SEE YALL WERE WRONG ADMIT IT.

liked by charles_leclerc

user9 they’ll forever be happily in love yall are just haters!!

liked by charles_leclerc and yourbestie

user10 my cuties ㅠㅠ

user15 charles yn defender till i die.

user4 SO CUTE OMG

user1 is that a promise ring?? that’s so..i’m melting

yourusername 나는 내 아름다운 소년을 너무 사랑 !! <3 i love my beautiful boy so much

maxverstappen1 soo i dont get to yell at him for cheating on you?:(

yourusername LMAOO NO

charles_leclerc HUH WHATD I MISS MAXIE?

maxverstappen1 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

user13 get me someone who looks at me the way charles looks at yn.

liked by yourusername

pierregasly listen if charles was gonna fumble this one i would whole heartily become a homie hopper‼️

lewishamiliton agreed

charles_leclerc i know where the both of you live…

lilymhe stop i was ready to fight him after what i saw. the two of you are so cute !

charles_leclerc WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO FIGHT ME OR STEAL MY GF??

yourbestie okay where is my thank you? i helped you 😒

charles_leclerc do you not see these comments??

yourbestie i agree tho if you fumbled her i would’ve ended you🤷‍♀️

landonorris we need you on the grid more

view 528,298 comments

yourusername

liked by yourbestie,danielricardo,charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 926,518 others

yourusername 기다리는 자에게 좋은 일이 생긴다<3 good things happen to those who wait<3

tagged charles_leclerc,arthur_leclerc,yourbestie

arthur_leclerc SEE THEY CAME OUT GOOD!

yourusername thank you my little photographer!!

charles_leclerc i thought i was your photographer?

yourusername you were busy fighting bestie name…

yourbestie so beautiful they grow up so fast ㅠㅠ

charles_leclerc the loml truly is beautiful ❤️

liked by yourusername

comments are limited

@ surshica | rb & follow.

[eilinelsghost]

hi! i hope its ok to send this as an ask instead of dming. i get shy about dms so i tend to default to asks. as ive said a few times here already, ive loved your beor/finrod series so much. i think yours is one of the best finrods i've ever read. im not sure if youre a fic reader too or primarily a writer, but i wondered whether youd read chthonions anastasis or the harrowing? you both write such a good and gentle finrod that i was curious if you knew each other or had similar inspiration? if you havent, i highly recommend it if you (obviously) like finrod! they are such beautiful and thought-provoking fics and ive really enjoyed how they explore the philosophical implications of all these things - which is another thing that made me think of you because thats something that really draws me to your fics too. you both dig into that in such perceptive and interesting ways. anyway, i read lost and found that they posted today and several things in that reminded me of your finrod (and yours of theirs) and i wanted to recommend it if you werent already familiar with their stuff. anyway im sorry if this is a weird ask to send! thanks so much for sharing your writing with all of us. its been a really bright spot in this yearr for me so far!

Hello! No, this wasn't weird to say, don't worry. (And please don't be shy about dms either if you prefer those!) I'm going to tag @chthonion in this reply because I don't want to talk about their fic without them being looped in - and also to be sure they see your compliments of their writing. :)

No, we don't know each other, so it isn't a gentle-Finrod-by-osmosis deal 😂 I read Anastasis a few months back and you're right - I really enjoyed the connection of Finrod, Frodo, and Celebrimbor's various traumas. It had never occurred to me to link those three characters together with their shared suffering and that was so fascinating to see that connection really delved into. (As a side note, I could honestly read an entire series that is just Finrod, Frodo, and Celebrimbor drinking together haha. That scene was delightful and really stuck with me.) I confess I have not done a good job keeping up with The Harrowing, but that's just because Silvergifting isn't really one of my primary draws ship-wise. I've heard really great things about it from a lot of people in the fandom!

Thanks so much for reccing their latest fic - that description looks really fascinating and has me very curious.

And thank you so much for all the kind things you've said in this - both about my own writing and about chthonion's. It's always such an encouragement as a writer to hear that what we've made has brought joy or fascination or a new facet of interpretation for those who read it. Honestly that's the dream! Thank you for saying all of that - it means a lot to hear it!

[haootia]

i mentioned this in the tags of a post the other day but i want to share more of my vintage tumblr memories for those who werent there to experience them (you lucked out)

the block button didnt do anything except hide that blog from your notifications. they could still follow you and interact with all your posts you just wouldnt see it in your activity.

pursuant to that, if someone violated your DNFI (blog rules were called DNFIs before they were called BYFs before they were called DNIs) and you wanted them off your blog the only option was to send them an ask saying "unfollow me" and hope on the honor system they did.

this is probably why callouts were such a massive part of the blogging ecosystem , if someone annoyed you or was mildly problematic the only sure way to get them to stop was to run them off the site completely.

you probably remember that being able to actually disable reblogs on a post is a pretty new feature, before that it was part of the same honor system as DNFIs. in the old days there were roving gangs of troll blogs solely dedicated to finding vent posts tagged "dont reblog" and reblogging them, including copying over text that was in the tags / readmore.

to evade the troll blogs people had to start tagging their posts with increasingly obtuse typing quirks like "d0%t r38l09". speaking of tags,

the habit of adding slashes to the end of trigger tags is because tumblrs search feature and url parsing used to be Even More Dogshit than it is now and if a tag had certain characters in it (hyphens and i believe asterisks also worked) you couldnt browse it on the blog. this was considered good etiquette to show you cared about your followers wellbeing by not letting them doomscroll the trigger tags, and also made it harder for trolls to find triggering pics to spam your inbox with when you had a controversial take on steven universe ship dynamics. sometimes people just added a bunch of random numbers to the end of a tag like "blood 363820" which had the same effect of making it unsearchable but still worked for the blacklist because

blacklisting was a browser extension. you couldnt blacklist on the app for YEARS. old school users remember when xkit was an actual necessity to interact with the site. ancient school users remember tumblr savior.

this post is already too long so lets do a lightning round: having your blog index page automatically redirect to your aesthetic tag. custom cursors with particle effects. everyones blog being an unreadable pastel-on-white 8pt text nightmare. alternatively, everyones blog being a garish red-on-black knife emoji nightmare. follow forevers. i hear promo hour still survives as a relic population in some circles. kin pages with 75 grid icons sorted into literally me / primary / secondary / tertiary with discrete DNFI rules. every personal post being tagged "lms if read". post limit blogs. hunger games simulator and xyzzy and rabb.it and drawpile and skype groupchats. if you remember tanburu honestly you should be getting paid survivors benefits. i could list a bunch of big name callouts that would overtake some of you with a precipitous feeling of dread but i wont because i know some of them are still on this website Right Now. im not even a real Tumblr Old i was 11 years old in 2014 and i know the true elders have secrets i cannot comprehend. its so dark in here. i remember when DMs were new.

[krash-and-co]

Hey, Krash! So sorry you were upset by the conversation in discord. I know for myself (and I think for others) I genuinely wanted to know what would need to be done differently. And maybe we all don’t know yet! And that’s ok for now. I love the way engage with the fandom, and I hope you feel appreciated in various spaces today.

hey !! sorry I've been busy so I didn't get to answering this !! also saw your other ask about this being a dm, that's ok I'll answer this ask and you can still dm if you want. :]

I don't know what can be done, but I do want to mention I wasn't trying to ask anyone in particular to do something, that server was just one group of people that had the most fans working on saving the show and people with bigger 'official' accounts, if you know what I mean. so I thought that would be a good place to share my thoughts.

I was. uh. wrong. there were more of you than I thought. I did not exit unscathed.

but anyways lol yeah this isn't something one person can, should, and will have to change. i don't think it's a server mod problem. also I learned I kinda came in at a bad time, I apologize for that.... whoops lol

anyways, the main problem I was having with everything was how fake it all seemed from the outside, just something to drum up interest, no real love in the piece itself. and if you WERENT doing that all the time, you didn't care about the show. it felt shoved in your face. i missed when we made things out of love, not just putting anything out there to get a tag to trend. i missed when we were creating because we wanted to make something to show we LOVED lockwood and co, not because we wanted to bring attention to Lockwood and co and that's a way to do it. this has caused a noticable amount of people to leave, which was the final straw and why I sent that message today. people I hadn't spoken to in a while appeared saying they left due to how it all felt so forced and fake, and that upset me. but I have thought this for a while even before this. there has to be a balance where we can work on saving the show and actually enjoying what we do have. an overwhelming amount of posts is about saving the show, not the show or books themselves. and I know not everyone is doing this, just by the way. I was hoping this could be achieved by toning down the constant reminders to post (not just official accounts mind you!!! this post is not targeting y'all !!! I promise) , or *looks at the camera* giving the people what they want already, but I don't even know anymore. I wasn't expecting the reaction I got, I genuinely thought it was a simple request to dial it down a bit and I'm sorry I caused an uproar 😭😭

full disclaimer tho, it is 1 am and I have no idea what I just said ! maybe I am hallucinating this paragraph of text. maybe irs not one paragraph actually. I don't think it is. who knows. I amgoing to sleep now 👍 ty for ask jrjfjdb sorry there was no usual krash air of whimsy thru this, my whimsy kinda got punched in the face a few times and it went in its room to feel better 😔

[gibbearish]

"Am I Trans?" UQuiz Masterpost

hey there folks, my pinned was getting a bit unwieldy so i figured itd be prudent to set up this landing pad for uquiz visitors. this is not the FAQ, that is still in the works, this is just the intro stuff moved to its own post.

so, with all that out of the way, welcome! my asks and messages are currently OPEN and response times are SLOW. i will be updating this post on a regular basis, so if that says open then you can rest assured it is still current. or if it's not and i forgot to update it, that's on me, not you.

before anything else, i do just want to make it extremely, deeply, incredibly, achingly, transparently clear that i am not in any way a certified / licensed gender therapist. i do not have any training, nor is there an ethics board with which you can take up a complaint if i end up misreading things. i am simply a trans person on the internet who noticed a couple years ago that there were pretty much no "am i trans" quizzes that i could find that werent uhhh let's say unhelpful, and so i made my own, using my own feelings and experiences as a starting point. i may misread you, i may project myself or previous visitors onto you, i may get frustrated with you, i may be wrong about you. i ask that you try to give me grace, to remember that i am human, and to proceed at your own risk.

i take these conversations very seriously and want to be as thorough as possible, but that takes a good deal of work / effort / energy to do well, and as i am currently over a year into a massive depressive episode, that all compounds into long response times. which i do understand can be frustrating, feeling like you're waiting for someone's permission to be yourself (although if that is how it makes you feel, consider what that might say about the answer - i am not actually holding you back from anything by not responding. you can be trans, you don't need my permission or anyone else's. only your own), but i ask for patience, and that you please refrain from spamming me every time i come online. playing stardew valley is a lot less taxing than doing bootleg internet therapy. i haven't forgotten about you, i just havent found the right words yet.

in the meantime, i would recommend a quick scroll through my #uquibberish tag, which contains any asks from other uquiz visitors as well as posts i think are thematically relevant to a lot of these conversations. who knows, maybe you'll find that the answers you seek are very similar to the answers i've given another.

one thing to note is that asks do take a good deal less mental energy to respond to given the more one-and-done nature, so responses to those will likely be faster than for DMs, however i won't be able to get as personal (unless you give me a lot to work with, please do not feel self conscious about sending long asks/messages, they really are quite helpful in terms of giving me stuff to analyze). i also sometimes get a little silly with the ask responses, however i will still always make sure to include a real answer of some sort in the tags.

that all being said, i really do need to stress the fact that i am a real person you are talking to. i am not a gender therapy chatbot and i am not paid to do this. i do this because i want to help, but in order to do that successfully, i need your help as well. i do not know you as a person beyond the things that you tell me, and i am both unable and unwilling to simply assign you a new gender, to pluck your "true" gender out of your head. usually, all i really end up doing is pointing out what things are holding you back from the answer you already know. if you are unwilling to tell me anything about your thoughts and feelings, then i'm sorry, but i'm just. not going to be able to help you out very much. figuring out who you are is something that is difficult and takes a lot of introspection, and is something that you may even never actually get a solid answer on. the question you should be asking is not "what am i, really?" but "what do i want to be? what would it make me happy to be? how would i like to exist in my time on this earth?"

now, with all of that out of the way, i do also know that it can be difficult to know where to start, so here is a rough list of things that i've found helpful in the past. you do not need to provide any of these if you are not comfortable doing so, they are here exclusively to give ideas on where to start. now, with that out of the way:

- age range: to be clear, i do not need to know your exact age and you should always be wary of someone who asks for that. that being said, a general range can be pretty helpful for me to contextualize your message to your stage of life. like, think "middle school vs. high school vs. college or older" type general range.

- similarly, what country/state you live in, and if non-US, a bit about your local political climate vis a vis trans people. once again i do not want or need your exact location and you should be wary of those who try to get it from you, but for a lot of people, the main thing holding them back from transitioning is that the world simply isn't a safe place for trans people at the moment, so knowing if that is in play can be very helpful. I am a USAmerican and have a pretty good grasp of which way the states here tend to lean, and have a much rougher grasp on other countries. I don't want to go into this with some wildly propagandized version of your home in my head and would much prefer to get my information about it from you, the person being actively affected.

- your quiz answer and how it made you feel: with this one the important part is really the second part. i said this in the quiz itself but it bears repeating, i do not have any knowledge of how to properly weight the answers in a personality test, i assigned each answer a result (or multiple results) based entirely on vibes. that being said, if you are now having a lot of complicated feelings about your result, those feelings are the ones we're going to be examining. whether you've been having these feelings for a long time or they only just recently started, if you've been quizhopping searching for an answer (and if there's been a common denominator among those answers that you're avoiding looking in the eye), what the shape of those feelings are, that's the kind of thing we're going to be looking at. don't feel bad if you can't see the feelings themselves yet, this is an exercise in finding the negative space. the thing about facing the things you don't want to face is that you don't want to face them, which sounds obvious put like that, but like. you can't look straight at the sun without the right glasses. not without hurting yourself. the things your brain hides from you, takes away your ability to look at, are hidden for a reason, there is something that is scaring you, something you are defending against, a knot that must be unraveled before we can continue unwinding the thread. it's ok if all you can do for now is point to where the knot is.

- what name you used on the quiz and what day you took it: uquiz allows you to view individual quiz taker's results so if you are comfortable with it, i'm happy to take a peek through to see if there are any trends. as i write this the quiz is sitting at good god, 13000 takers, so if you keysmashed a name unfortunately it has probably been lost to the sands of time :( that being said...

- any questions / answers that hit especially hard: here is a link to a google doc where i've compiled all the questions and answers as reference, so this way if we can't find your quiz or you don't want to share the whole thing, we still have a pretty good starting point on which parts apply to you (side note, i also have a feedback form, however i couldnt think of very many specific questions to ask so just put in two textboxes for you to put your suggestions in)

- family dynamics: as with the country of origin question, something that can hold a lot of trans people back from transitioning is pressure from their family to. well. to not do that, so knowing if that is contributing can be very helpful

- friend dynamics: same as above, some people are held back by the potential reaction of their friendgroup, or alternatively are certain their friends would react positively but still can't shake that feeling, and figuring out if that fear is warranted can be a huge stepping stone in this.

that's all i have for now, though this post may be subject to changes as time goes on. as i said before i am also (slowly) working on a FAQ, so hopefully soon we'll have a way to bridge the response time gap. in the meantime, i hope this was helpful, and i do again highly recommend taking a look through the #uquibberish tag to see if any past questions/answers might apply to you as well. thanks!

(last edited 9/8/24)

[void-tiger]

please tell me more about the fic where Ke/th doesnt get to be a paladin again, i keep seeing shit like how the team abandoned/failed Ke/ith and should have apologized to him when it was literally the opposite (i am sorry but the team almost DIED because K/ith fucked off to run off with the Blades, werent for Kuron entering Black they would have actually died, i do not understand how anyone can see this and say the team was in the wrong/Ke1th was in the right, and still be considered a team player let alone a team leader is beyond me. Really really sorry about salt in your askbox)

No worries! (Although, disclaimer: I had to set aside my voltron fics for a bit ‘cause I can’t work on them without getting salty, and too much salt is bad for you. So they’re…curing, I guess. I’ll stop with the bad salt jokes now XD)

But short answer? Keith’s their comfort blorbo, and it’s incredibly easy to have that become “can do no wrong ever it MUST be EVERYONE else!” and…not recognize that kneejerk bias. Ask The Real Fandom Olds TM who’ve participated in fandom culture since the 80s and 90s and that’s a key issue with Current Fandom and especially younger fans (ie, probably our generation and younger.) Add in that a lot of us online trend (in my antidotal experience) towards having untreated anxiety or depressive symptoms and/or undiagnosed neurodivergent brain wiring that an individual might’ve not quite learned how to cope with yet (and many come with emotional regulation symptoms) in addition to…human brains really just Don’t stop developing until mid20s regardless of someone’s birth gender and brain development is particularly chaotic and…well.

That’s a recipe for a volatile fandom, and since the VLD Characters in particular were geared towards Teens or Teen Nostalgia? [Comfort Blorboing Intensifies.]

Now, in one fic series Idea, Keith DOES become the Red Paladin again, but he has to work for it. Really work for it. Like, the Team is still incredibly hurt that he left and never really apologized for ditching them before THAT Scene where Jiro is forced to step in s4. I think I have in my notes somewhere [coughs] prolly a random post or very buried DM to a friend that Red Lion finally outright takes Keith for a joy ride (much like Blue and Black did with Lance and Shiro) and literally has him bouncing around in zero g and gforces until Red’s really willing to accept him back as Paladin. (Also it makes me feel better.)

[tags: blackbox verse, rewrite the stars, blackbox, veeladee fixit. Note that some of the older posts especially I’ve probably discarded. But I do my best worldbuilding thinking aloud, and hey. It’s fanfic. Who gives af about spoilers? Not me.]

But, in Blackbox verse, I wanted Jiro to have his very own Lion…and the Sincline Meteor is right there. Plus, y’know. Fixing-fixing. Making as much work as I felt like since it was intended to be a series, anyway.

Buuut, that’s not the fic idea you asked about.

The one you asked about is actually a Redo of The Black Paladin’s episode following alteanroyals’ prompt of “what if Shiro’s the one who fights the clone, and the clone gets to just come home. Have his own name.” Because, c’mon. The visuals would’ve been incredible, and Josh Keaton and Studio Mir adores Shiro and Jiro even if the EPs and arguably NONE of the writers (even the better ones trying to patch job before bailing out) gave a shit about Jiro as his own character.

So. Back to Keith.

He actually tries flying Black Lion, same as the (egh) canonical episode…and…

WHOOPS. He gets lasers shot at him for his efforts (hA HA~)

Allura steps in, and has a battle of wills against Black Lion, then realizes that what has Black so torqued is Keith tried to dominate the Lion. (Imo? The only reason why Keith could fly with Black in s2-4 was because of the bond they both had with Shiro. “Help me help you.”) And well. Allura’s learned a thing or two: trying to dominate a Lion does NOT work. She learned that for herself with White Lion, she’s now realizing that’s why Black Lion accepted Shiro as it’s Paladin over Zarkon at all. So Allura changes tactics, senses Shiro’s Quintessence still inside Black Lion nearly two years after he vanished, and calls the others in. They do a reverse-balmera ceremony via their voltron bonds and pull Shiro back out—in his OWN body, tyvm.

And well. Remember how it’s technically a “Shiro vs CloneShiro” prompt? Yeah, they fight. (I’ll try not to have them totally wreck the place. All Shiros are Good Shiros.) And when Black Lion comes for them now that the Lion can get a clear shot? Red Lion also comes.

Because Keith isn’t the only character who holds the needed qualities for a Red Paladin. (Reactive instincts, laser focus, loyalty, but often emotionally volatile.) Jiro does too. And unlike Keith, Jiro stayed even when he “no longer” had a Lion to fly from his POV, and he struggled with the rest of the Team to adjust to Lions that no longer suited them in the wake of Shiro’s Absence. So Red chooses Jiro and flies to him. (Black would’ve saved Jiro, too, even though Jiro wasn’t Black’s true paladin. But seeing a Lion accept him, and further proof that he’s not just a poor copy but his own person and even a Paladin in his own right?)

[gemini fic, shiro vs jiro]

Basically, in starting writing and continuing to ruminate on ideas, I realized that Gemini works best as a single fic, so having Firm Consequences make more sense. Other tidying up?

-Allura and the Paladins take the Castle and immediately head out for the Altean Colony while Shiro (and Black Lion at Black’s literal insistence) go after Jiro. (And with Shiro here to lead and analyze + Convenient Recap/Alternate Explanation, Pidge is able to shut down the virus far earlier before it makes the Castle truly dead in the water.) Haggar never gets her claws into them.

-Keith formally leaves the Blades. He had a family, and he turned his back on them. Those relationships won’t be what they were before (ie, symbolic in losing his Red Paladinship), but this time he’s willing to put the work in to repair their trust in him. Meanwhile, the Blades never were going to help him find his mother intentionally no matter how many times he sacrificed his life for them, and his life and the lives of all the other Blades ultimately meant very little to Kolivan and the Blades as an organization. He surrenders the knife to Krolia, and walks away if Team Voltron will let him stay. It not, he can do better good with the Rebels. (Infiltration was Pidge’s thing, anyway. He’s the showy diversion maker.)

-Lotor returns to Orionde. But when he faces the Ancients and White Lion again, he stops attacking and running from his sins. He sacrifices his full life force, and the Drained Alteans revive fully restored. The tragedy his family caused and he ended up perpetuating ends with him. (That does leave…y’know. The Galran Empire without an Emperor. But hey. IF I finish this fic, that’s potential sequel material, baby!)

-

…anyway. Point is, Keith Antis put a bad taste in my mouth, but the point of “Keith loses Red” wasn’t to punish Keith (okay…maybe a little. But that was still mostly Black blasting lasers everywhere. For catharsis.) The point was, “There are consequence, and while some relationships can be repaired or make new ones with the same people after you’ve hurt them, others can’t. You lose them. It’s important to put in the work, but it’s also important to accept loss and endings, especially after you’ve fucked up.”

And well. I felt that Keith Losing Red, Jiro Gaining Red made things narratively tidy.

[cheban-png]

People dont act like people anymore

First time doin this on my puter woah, lawl. Anyways, not so fun topic that i want to put into the world but have no one to share it with--so why not on my shiny new and very public Tumblr acc?

Hi im Chebe, and i was a bit of a hermit for a couple years. Maybe it was the npd, or the adhd, or the pandemic, or the bullying, or something else but I was REALLY against the idea of making any friends for a couple years and became pretty isolated. I got to the point where i was only talking to like 3 people max that werent family for extended periods of time. fFr the last year however, ive been working, and thats really pulled me out of my shell. I made a new years resolution that id put myself out there and meet people again--and as i learn to make friends again, im remembering some of the reasons i was so opposed to it in the first place.

(This next part is situations that happened to me and extremely close friends, but for simplicity and privacy ill speak as if all the stories are my own.) One of my biggest things is that something weird and fucked up happened the second 2019 ended and everyone became absolutely insufferable. I cant even describe it but everyone around me both in school at the time and online became like. hyper sensitive but also evil at the same time. I have never seen a human so disgustingly manipulative while sugar coating their language with over/misused tone tags and faux medical speak at the same time. WHERE DID YOU PPL LEARN TO ACT LIKE THIS LMAOO. how you abliest and an ally at the same time dog. whatever thats not what this is about, that was one tiny vague example ^_^

Anyways the actual biggest thing is probably oversharing. no one gets to know each other anymore and it creates rlly weird unnatural relationships that humans arent supposed to experience. in my bios, i try to only share things you know by a first, in person interation with me. Im biracial (black/white), im trans (strictly he/him), im fat and you may call me Chebe or Angel. i even feel weird saying i have npd/adhd. im sharing because its relevent. man this is getting too long,,

an extremely common thing that happens to me is ppl STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET will send me these chunky paragraphs that follow the same format; "You/your art/your fashion inspires me so much, how do i copy this exactly?". Everythiung that makes me ME was developed over the course of my entire life??? what do you mean??? just the other day i got, "Whats ur style called??! i cant seem to find anything that 'perfectly' fits the way you are." and that was fucking horrifying. This was a stranger ive never ever seen the face/name/voice of. like can you guys even wrap your head around what an insane and invasive thing to say that is? i get shit like that ALL the time.

Dude i. im people. im human. I have lived a life and i am built up of microscopic fragments of all my experiences. im not a pinterest board or an influencer selling the ~aesthetic~ that is my life. Im a real human being and i am the way that i am because??? THATS JUST HOW I AM NATURAL:LY!!!!! i am like this becuase i LIKE being this way!!!!

and dont be ignorant, im scemo and find inspiration everywhere i go just like everyone else, but it is so deranged to dm a stranger and go "you are so amazing.... how do i clone everything that makes you unique and human"

this is NOT about gatekeeping or whatyeverthafuck i need you people to realize im SCARED and these are tiny instances in my life that make me worry about my future because some of you bitches are DOPPLEGANGERS (/silly /lh)

[ddlockk]

climbing into ur inbox firstly to say THANK U for reading my fic and enjoying it sm and THEN letting me KNOW how much u enjoy it bc seriously it really means the world to me.

BUT SECOND. THE UPDATE. EE E E E E i swear this one hurt MY feelings. i typed it up in my little word doc and had to take a step back and be like "my god. who are u" LMAO. thank u for ur insight too, it seems like *that part* really came off the just way i intended..... hehehheheh....

i wouldve just responded to ur ask but ~spoilers~ so this is me responding to ur ask with my own ask!! (also this is my absolute worst tumblr flaw but i had no idea we werent mutuals so i fixed that right up :3 feel free to dm me anytime you'd like!!)

REPLYING TO YOU IN MY INBOX TO TELL YOU IM CRYING???

I WAS FULL OF EMOTION LAST UPDATE TOO BUT I LITERALLY DECIDED AGAINST INBOXING YOU BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO SPAM IT UP LOLL

GOD THAT part absolutely took me out. I’m not exaggerating when I said I had to put my phone down for a second to process it because I could IMMEDIATELY feel Deacon’s whirlwind of emotion. I started screaming in my friend’s dms because I was at a combined loss for words and full of emotion 😭 Feel free to dm me if you want my full thoughts on this (I wish to not bombard you with EVERYTHING unless you’re open to it) but oh my god this update. oh nm g y g.g od. ..

also hi mutual! i’m so sorry for everything i reblog! i often scream in tags!

[asterism-os]

hello! this is a... memory dump? canon-call? little bit of both, i think i really miss my family and i dont wanna forget anything, so im gonna dump it here and also tag it this technically isnt a canon-call, but if you recognize it PLEASE dm me on this acc or @asterism-of-spades so we can chat! (also i have an enderman typing quirk normally, someone’s helpin me type this so nobody has to translate) So I’m Origins!Ranboo! Well... sorta? My canon is a mix of DSMP and OSMP, but I’ve found myself more comfortable with saying I’m OSMPBoo. I used to use he/him prns, shifted to he/void, and pretty recently, outside of my canon, I completely omitted he/him, using voi/void as well as a few other ender-related neoprns.  I was married to Tubbo, who was a shulker/bee hybrid, and our relationship was really dubious, nobody but us knew whether we were romantically involved or not (I don’t even remember lmao). We would call each other Bo and Boo! We had 2 kids! I remember we had Michael, and we had another kid but I can’t remember anything important about them, I’ll update this when I do. As of right now, I’m pretty sure they were either another zombie piglin or a child enderman. I have a few small memories, like the sound of their laughs, Michael holding flowers up to Tubbo, and the feeling of two kids laying on me while I told them stories. They would usually call Tubbo Dad or some variation and they’d call me Boo. We also had a dog that Tubbo brought home, even though he was super allergic, and had named... Ray, I think? I had really bad memory issues and derealization episodes in my canon (I do now as well) and I remember Tubbo waking me up every morning and making sure I knew the important stuff (where I was, who we were, that we loved each other, stuff like that) Also????? Tubbo was super strong??? Like. He could EASILY pick me up and just fly into the air with me. He also liked to gross me out by making super cursed noises when we walked through flower fields.... All he Needed to do was touch the flowers but he liked to make gross noises to accompany that- Tommy was a raccoon/shulker hybrid, and Tubbos biological brother! Don’t ask me how that worked because I’m not sure myself! I don’t have many memories with Tommy, but I do remember that he would stay with us a lot.  Shroud was there as well, he was Tommy’s son (spider/human hybrid) and Tubbo and I were his uncles!  Hmmm....  Phil! Phil was basically everyone’s dad, even though Ghostbur was his only Actual kid. He was a safe space, and he practically radiated peace! He had really cool wings, the outer layer of feathers were like a metallic blue and waterproof, and the inner layers were a super deep black and really soft. When he gave hugs he liked to wrap his wings around people as well, and it was just really cozy and safe. He’d protect me from the rain, and knew basic Enderian so he could communicate with me when I had bad anxiety.  Dream was in my canon, and he was a real jerk to me. Uh... I’d go into more detail if you ask, but it’s not really something I’d want to post.  I also have a Lot of food-based memories I remember eating Blaze rods, and there were two variants! One was more yellow, and that one tasted like licking a metal spoon after eating apple pie (so a cinnamony-sweet metallic taste), and then a more reddish one that tasted more like cayanne pepper! I’d put the powder from the reddish ones on chicken every so often.  Glow berries had the texture of grapes, but tasted like what a glowstick looks like All of the gold-infused foods (gappes, glistening melons, golden carrots) made me really sick because they were so sweet, I really only ate them if I needed to.I would give golden carrots to the kids every so often though, and they’d be bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day I also remember eating chorus fruit! I rarely had it because we never really went to the End, but it had the texture and visual of a dragonfruit (but purple), and tasted like grape juice! The leaves on nether vines tasted like pasta spices, so Jack once got the idea to try and take the bases and make pasta out of it, since nether vines had thick bases It... didn’t go well, we’ll just say 

I also have some more smaller memories with people: trying to high-five niki and her hurting me on accident because she was wet jack and i scrambling to find shelter during a sudden thunderstorm and laughing once we werent actively getting hurt anymore ghostbur showing up behind me randomly and scaring the crap outta me also! heres some more memories about me! i had a Really bad stutter when i was speaking english lmao, it was definitely a struggle the enderspeak in my tl was really similar to the language that people are learning irl! eye contact was only uncomfortable if the person was a stranger/a threat! in my culture, eye contact was viewed as a threat unless it was from someone who you cared for! I had a Victorian-esque aesthetic! My eyes used to both be green, but my red eye got damaged. I’ll talk more about that under the cut!  CW/TW for blood and injury

So my eye is red because I got shot with an arrow like... directly above my eye. My blood had a chemical reaction with the fluids in my eye and turned it red! Also my blood is purple, looks like grape fanta. 

[krisiverse]

if your tags mentioning disability infodumping a few minutes ago were genuine, then feel free to go forth and do so (publicly or privately, you can dm me if you want but idk how much later i'll be up)

absolutely genuine!! and im glad u asked bc now i get to open the floodgates

SO i have 3 illnesses (tm) that i get to deal with! all of them are things ive been dealing with as long as i can remember but all have them have gotten much worse in the past year. i have POTS, chronic migraines+light sensitivity, and some unknown joint problem

pots is short for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome! in laymans terms that means whenever i go upright my heart beats way too fast! this isn't actually a heart issue it's a problem with the blood vessels in my legs not contracting when i stand up like they're supposed to, so ALL the blood goes to my legs and feet and heart goes OH SHIT and works overtime to get it up to my brain cause i kinda need that to live

when i initially stand up this causes dizziness and my vision often gets covered with a grey blur, i have to take a moment before continuing. then if im upright for longer periods of time i start to get brain fog and its harder for my brain to process things- this includes sitting, depending on the day ill be able to sit for a couple hours straight to draw or play video games, with some effect until i lay down, the brain fog and also adhd make it so sometimes i forget to though and THAT'S always a Time, but basically any amount of standing IS going to make me lightheaded until i lay down and take time to recover

honestly pots has very little to do with the heart itself, im not sure why its called what it is

yall know what migraines are so im just gonna say im like. constantly having a headache. im very rarely not having a headache. as a kid i related to psyduck so much bc hey same and it gets REAL bad sometimes, everyone in my family gets severe migraines when theres high pressure weather, its bad BUT i have medication for it so its like. handleable

but the WORST thing is light sensitivity. technically linked to the migraines but not specific TO them, i get hurt badly by perfectly normal amounts of light, as in "sitting in the living room an hour before sunrise is too much for me" no amount of adjustment helps. none. i Have to wear sunglasses to leave my room almost all of the time, and it's not nearly as cool as it sounds, it sucks

the light sensitivity also comes side by side with other vision issues! i also have visual snow which is random noise across my vision like a blanket of static! and not only do i have that i also have misaligned eyes resulting in ZERO depth perception and double images unless i actively focus (imagine if you had to cross your eyes constantly to see stuff clearly) and while TECHNICALLY that and my nearsightedness are correctable by lenses, i have horrible sensory issues with seeing things in sharp focus so i can't even use that lmao! still means im not legally blind though and i may not use a white cane based on the laws in my state

and finally idk what the hell is going on with my joints. i think it might also be based on air pressure but sometimes theyll just ALL decide to hurt, all the time, for weeks on end and it sucks! idk what is going on here, they werent bothering me for a few months but now its baaaaaack ✨

ty for letting me share! this isn't really venting, im not looking for sympathy im just kinda like. man that's wild huh. it rly be like this.

[leopardsealz-remaking]

tfw u do an autism prompt on ur sideblog but u end up spilling out details of ur life in the tags that uve never told anyone

im going to put it under a cut bc i kind of want to get it off my chest on my main blog

1) so i cant say no to others + find it super hard to voice my discomfort. this landed me in an awkward rp on my ancient fnaf ask blog, think i had it when i was around 14-15? anyways the rp wasnt exactly nsfw but it included like. french kissing. u know. with tongues. among some other things like biting. i hated it so much whenever i saw a dm notification id get rlly nervous. it made me so uncomfortable but i couldnt say no. i think the person i was rping with was an adult. i think. idk if im like. reaching. but i think its slightly questionable to even ask a 15 y/o to rp kissing in That Way or biting? esp if ur like. older. idk,,

2) this also stems from me not saying no or not being able to voice what i want / need. so back when i was fairly new to the queer community, i ided as a lesbian, and i made another lgbtq+ friend and i told them my identity. we knew each other for maybe over a month and they asked me out. at this time i was So Starstruck that somebody Actually Liked Me that i said sure even though i didnt know them incredibly well. well we dated for a year. they kind of made me feel. stupid / dumb? like id say something and sometimes theyd laugh and facepalm and it made me feel kind of bad. and you know me, my special interest in animals, id get excited over an animal or whatever but they never were interested. it kind of hurt? anyways i started questioning my identity and was like Wow Maybe This Is A Good Time To Break Up but i couldnt do it in person so i messaged them but it was still so scary. anyways we werent right for each other so just as well. we’re friends but i havent messaged them in a while and theyre an 18 y/o dating a 16 y/o which makes me go a bit Yikes yknow. also 1 time they stayed over at my place but they spent a lot of the night on voicechat w their friends and i was so exhausted i just wanted to sleep but i couldnt say i wanted to go to bed so i had a shutdown in the kitchen where no one would see me. my mum eventually told us to go to bed and i was so relieved

hhhh sorry for getting personal. i just needed to vent

[michaelmilkers]

what is it, exactly, that your 'friends' were angry with u about? i dont want to be invasive and u can ignore this ask, i just think that altho im leaning in ur favor i dont want to decide whether or not to continue supporting you without all of the data. i.e., you could be saying something wildly racist, or you could have insulted someones dog. obviously completely different things that merit completely different responses. i can message you if u dont want to share with the general public :)

putting it under a cut

this

i said in the blacklist chat about a month ago “is circumcision common in latinos” for a thing i was writing which was not only something i couldve googled (which i ended up doing) but also incredibly poor phrasing and i apologized

i was sometimes too open about sexual topics in the nsfw chat (which was 16+) because i was under the impression everyone was okay with it because no one ever really told me it was tmi (sometimes i put stuff in general that i didnt consider nsfw but other people considered nsfw but most of those times i deleted whatever it was i said/sent) (also for the record i had a general rule against sending irl porn in the nsfw chat and so i never did that aside from like the first few months of the servers existence where i was still trying to figure out how to go about having a server at all)

there was a “jewish” role in the server that some jewish people in the server asked for but apparently some people were uncomfortable with the fact that there was a jewish role but not roles for other ethnicities or minorities. people communicated this to me and i was going to make other roles but hadnt gotten around to it yet when everything went down bc spoons

i wasnt open enough about the reasons why i banned people (which only happened a couple times) so people assumed i was only banning them because they disagreed with me, which wasnt true

i have a habit of publicly (i.e. on the blog) responding to criticism with passive aggression or jokes, something im aware of and actively working on, and its something i dont do in private conversation because i dont think its productive, in fact one of my rules in the server was not to respond to disagreements or arguments or discourse with reaction gifs or emotes or memes or stuff like that. 

and this is the biggest incident, tw for genital mutilation and nsfw discussion, and its a long one so bear with me:

basically in december i mentioned in the nsfw chat that i happened to come across a video of a woman essentially sewing her vagina shut. i did not send the video and did not describe it in graphic detail. i shouldnt have brought it up at all, but this was another case of me thinking something wasnt that bad but it upset a few other people. because of the nature of the video the most i will say about it is that it was not a permanent thing, it was done with sterile medical-grade stuff, and it was a masochism thing rather than like actually permanently mutilating the vagina. i was browsing around the internet going down various rabbit holes out of boredom and i came across this video, i did not search for this kind of thing, i just watched it out of curiosity.

anyways, some people were upset by it, i apologized for mentioning it and that was kind of that. but then the next day i received an anonymous ask calling me a freak whos into genital mutilation so i copied the ask in the blacklist chat (tagging it any time i mentioned the video in any level of detail) and basically what then happened that night was that i received multiple anons over the course of a couple hours calling me a freak and greatly exaggerating what happened. i would post the ask in the blacklist chat, me and a couple other people would talk about what was said, and then i would get another anon or two about it.

from the start i did not take the anons seriously because like, youre fucking liveblogging a conversation YOURE IN in my inbox, and i stated multiple times that if they wanted to have a serious conversation about it they could dm me or bring it up in the server because i was not going to entertain this back and forth bullshit.

i called the anon a clown and they sent clown emojis in response, which is when it kind of started getting out of control. me and a lot of other people in the server were making fun of the anon and joking about it calling them “clown anon” and stuff. and then the anon sent an ask containing the sentence “do u really want to be on the team of the guy who watches pussy sewing for fun!” (directed at everyone else in the server joking with me) and i thought the phrase “pussy sewing” was fucking HILARIOUS so everyone started making pussy sewing jokes and calling the anon clussy anon and saying shit like “pussy sewing sunday” (bc this was happening on a sunday night) and “pussy sewing club” and shit like that.

i said multiple times during this that i was not making fun of the video or the subject matter i was making fun of the anon(s) and their dramatic bullshit, but some people didnt believe me ig. at the time i was maintaining the opinion that as long as its all sterile and there is no permanent damage then stuff like that is fine and its none of my business what people do to their own bodies, which i still kind of agree with? im not super sure.

but anyway a few people thought i was a shitty person because of this, one of these people left and the other two said they were going to leave so i banned them, one person was very upset by the subject matter and wanted to take a break from the server, i told them sorry about the situation and to be safe. when one of my mods came online and saw what happened she was very upset about the fact that people had left and i didnt really listen to what she was saying (something ive apologized for since then) but said that for the sake of the person taking a break this was to never be brought up again. i agreed and asked my other mod to delete the conversation because i was low on spoons at the time, they said sure and deleted it for me (and during on the incident on friday this person told everyone that i “made them” delete the messages and that they were too afraid to say no to me and it was disgusting) and that was the last time the situation was brought up until this weekend.

i had actually learned from the situation, both about the things i bring up and also the content i look at even out of boredom or curiosity, and the ethics of that, and i have since then not looked at anything like that online. the people in my server were not aware of this because i was told to never bring it up again, so i didnt, and no one brought it up to me privately so i assumed people werent upset about it anymore. so they assumed i didnt care or i was still looking at shit like that and just wasnt talking about it. i had absolutely no idea people were still harboring bad feelings about this incident and if i did i wouldve apologized again and told them about how i had learned from the situation. i explained all of this on saturday and nobody seemed to care.

multiple times during the situation this weekend i said that their criticisms are valid and tried to explain myself and apologize and own up to what i did, but apparently because im mad about them bullying me and getting people to raid the server im not actually sorry?? according to them.

which is more of them just trying to gaslight me and manipulate me into thinking this is all my fault and i deserved it instead of that event being fucking bullshit.

one person said “your criticisms are valid but the way you brought them up isnt” or something like that in quotation marks in an attempt to mock me but like,,, yeah thats exactly what im saying lmao.

so yeah thats basically it? those are the main things. sorry this got so long.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Episode 6: End of an Era

Strap yourselves in guys, this one’s a long one, but a good one. 

In this session, we were joined by two friends who happen to be married to each other, L and A. L provided snarky comments on the session hijinks and A played sound effects and brought the DM’s speakers over when he wanted to play something specific. 

The DM explains how, after an 8-hour speeder ride across the planet, we’re put down in a field and the speeder disappears. We’re in the middle of open farmland, nothing but rolling green fields dotted with small rounded bumps. These look like old abandoned grain silos, but Grif and Rralwarr know that inside one of these silos is a turbolift down to the safehouse. 

Rralwarr: I wanna do something. Before we go in there, I want to check Taveau for anything Death Watch could be using to track us. 

DM: And you’re... going to do this how? 

Me: Are you going to warn Taveau before you do whatever you’re planning to do to him? 

Rralwarr: Yeah--like “hey Taveau I need to check you for trackers before we head in.” 

Taveau: h

DM: Yeah that was technical language, you only barely understand what he’s saying. 

Taveau: I got like... half of that. Grif? 

Grif: 

Grif: Hmm what? Oh I was trying to remember which of these silos leads to f̸͎̽l̸̤̾u̵͙͆f̸̗͆f̸̣̀y̵̰̎p̶̦͂ḽ̷͊à̶̳c̶͕̄ê̷ͅ... 

Everyone: 

Grif: Yeah he wants to know if there’s any way Death Watch could be tracking you. 

Taveau: *instant paranoia* I?? Don’t?? Think so??? Uh, this armor never belonged to them, I don’t... 

Rralwarr asks if there could be something in the helmet. Taveau explains that it’s a remarkably low-tech helmet, only useful for deflecting plasma bolts from your face and holding caf, but lets Rralwarr examine it. It is, indeed, a very plain helmet with no attachments. Rralwarr is satisfied. We head down. 

Rralwarr and Taveau both have a bad feeling. It seems too easy. I’m kind of expecting Death Watch to already be down there, holding Grif’s family hostage. When the new Roll20 background loads up, showing a bunker, I nearly have a heart attack when I see several character tokens facing the entrance where we’ve just appeared. This changes to relief as I see that they’re Wookiees. 

DM: as the doors open, you see two Wookiees in the room before you. They roar an enthusiastic greeting, and one rushes forward and hugs Rralwarr. From behind them, you hear someone speaking basic. “Excuse me--Medrull, Talwarra?” and poking in between them comes a man who looks a lot like Grif, but older and greyer, in very luxurious robes. 

Baron Welkonna: Son. I’m so glad to see you safe. Rralwarr, thank you for keeping him safe. 

Then there’s sort of a moment of awkward semi-silence as everyone looks suspiciously at Taveau. Everyone except Medrull, of course, who immediately starts talking to Grif about how much taller he’s gotten, and asking whether he’s been eating well. Baron Welkonna pulls Rralwarr aside, but the other two Wookiees stay where they are, politely but firmly barring Grif and Taveau (mostly Taveau) from entering the room. 

Baron Welkonna: I was not anticipating a third person, Grif made no mention... is everything alright? Who is he? 

Rralwarr: Yes, it’s alright. Regarding Taveau--Taveau is his name--he’s helped us on our journey and as far I understand it he is running away from the ah

H: 

Dm: 

H: I Should Probably Think Before I Speak

DM: Yes. 

H: OK I’m starting over. 

DM: You can do that. 

Rralwarr: Taveau is our pilot, he is the one who got us to our destination, and... he is running away from slavers, as I understand it. He hasn’t told us much and I think there’s more to it, but he has helped us, and has fought alongside us in battle. 

Baron Welkonna: Ah, the poor man. You trust him? 

Rralwarr: Enough. 

Welkonna: Does Grif trust him? 

Rralwarr: Yes, I think so. 

Welkonna: Medrull, Talwarra, everything is clear. 

We’re allowed into the room and Baron Welkonna comes over to Taveau. 

Welkonna: I apologize for seeming a bit rude at first. These are trying times, but I have been assured that you are trustworthy. 

And he holds out his hand for a handshake. 

Now let me explain. Taveau feels like he’s entered another dimension, here. Not only is this man ridiculously wealthy (and Taveau is still semi-convinced he’s some kind of royalty), but he’s nice. Taveau isn’t sure how to react to either of those things but especially not the second one. 

Taveau: 

Taveau, struggling to remember how normal human beings behave when they’re not fighting for their survival and having near-death experiences every two seconds: 

Taveau: Thank You Sir *shakes hand, casually has an out-of-body experience* 

Baron Welkonna: I understand you’re been a great help to my son. 

Taveau: h 

Grif: Ohmygoodness he has been amazing!! He’s such a great pilot and he got us off of Ryloth when we were trapped there and I don’t even know what would have happened if we hadn’t met him, we probably would have died! 

Taveau, having another out-of-body experience: I... would have died too, so... thanks for letting me tag along? 

Baron Welkonna walks Grif and Taveau around the complex, showing Taveau the facilities, while Rralwarr hangs out with the other Wookiee bodyguards and chats about his adventures. The furnishings are simple but comfortable. There’s the living area where we came down, which has a couch; other rooms branch off of this in two directions. The one straight ahead from the entrance is a sleeping area with bunk beds, which we’ll get back to later. The other door, on the left (with your back to the entrance), leads into a dining area with doors leading to storage area, master bedroom and bathroom (with real water showers rather than sonic ones!! Taveau takes note. Taveau is still finding Geonosian sand in his hair, months later, and he doesn’t like it.) And in the bathroom there’s a hidden panel that opens to a hidden saferoom with a gun rack. This room provides access to the area which has the power generator and an escape hatch leading up to a small hangar. 

From here we circle back around to the smaller bedroom. 

Welkonna: Grif, I’m sure you remember this, you used to love playing on these beds. 

Grif: Oh yeah! During the safety drills.... I remember those. 

Welkonna: Do you remember the time you hid under the covers and we couldn’t find you? Midkrarr was ready to tear her fur out with worry... you scared your mother, too. She was so happy when we finally found you. 

Grif: ...I remember. 

Welkonna: Anyway, 

He opens another hidden-panel-door into a vault holding an impressive amount of weaponry. 

Grif: Wow dad, I don’t remember all of this! 

Welkonna: Ah yes, I’ve made some additions to the place since you were last here. Actually: here, might want to take this. 

He takes down a suit of concealed body armor that will go under Grif’s clothes. 

Grif:  Wow, this, this is—I don’t even know where you’d get something like this! Thanks, dad!! 

DM: Taveau, Baron Welkonna notices you hanging back at the door, not sure if you should enter. He says “Ah, you look fairly well-armored already, but I have an attachment that might be helpful.” 

*L and A play the Zelda item gain noise from the couch. Party takes a moment to laugh at this* 

Welkonna gives Taveau a wrist attachment with a concealed vibroblade. Taveau is beyond pleased and puts it on his left wrist and starts playing with it. 

H: Please don’t tell me he’s just standing there flicking it in and out

Me: Heheheheh that is exactly what he’s doing. He looks very pleased with it. Finally he retracts it and looks up at Baron Welkonna and says “Thank you, sir.” 

M: Hey can I roll to see if Grif notices any guns he could use that would be better than what he’s got? 

DM: Sure. (he do that) You see a very nice blaster pistol, looks like republic army issue. 

Grif: Heyoo, dad, where’d you get that one? 

Welkonna: Oh, that was a gift from an army supplier I helped with some tricky negotiations. I have no real use for it, would you like it? I certainly can’t object to you having more protection, though I wish it weren’t necessary. 

Grif does indeed take the gun. It is a nice gun. 

DM: meanwhile, Rralwarr has been shooting the breeze with the other Wookiee bodyguards, and has have endured some good-natured teasing from Midkrarr, the oldest, who is Baron Welkonna’s personal bodyguard. Medrull and Talwarra are also glad to have you back. They’re excited about the new gear they have—shock sticks. Would you like one? 

H: You know this is incredibly obviously that room full of gear that you find right before The Boss Room 

DM: I am being nice to you :) 

H: Yes I take the shock stick. 

DM: Excellent. You can sling it on your back.

Rralwarr discusses where the rest of Grif’s family is with the bodyguards--his sister is with her husband’s family, the brother who went into industry was off-world at the time and they’re having trouble contacting him, but they think he’s OK because he was about halfway across the galaxy. We also learn that Grif was the middle child, his brother was older and his sister younger (though one would presume not much younger). 

DM: Medrull pulls Rralwarr aside and softly grunts to him that Midkrarr was the personal bodyguard to Lady Welkonna as well and is taking her loss very personally. She’s been extra vigilant. She considers it a failure on her part.

RR: I understand. But we’ll be safe here—

-PROXIMITY ALARM BLARES-

Everyone: Of Course It Does

DM, to Rralwarr: Midkrarr rushes past you, nearly knocking you over in the process, barking at the other bodyguards to take up defensive positions. 

Rralwarr quickly gives the other bodyguards an idea of what they might be up against, then goes looking for his boy 

(Rralwarr:)

Rralwarr: GRIF WHERE YOU AT

Grif, reacting to the alarm: Oh! That sounds bad! 

Rralwarr: Ah he’s in here. 

DM: You encounter them rushing out of the vault room. Baron Welkonna races into the dining room area, where there’s a display screen on the wall, and you all follow him. About 5 miles out you see a small freighter, flying low to the ground and slowly. You think you may have about 5 minutes, they have to go over a lot of hills and it’s slowing them down. 

Welkonna:  I was afraid of this. It seems we’ve been followed. I expect it was someone in the police force who told them where we were. (sigh) alright. It’ll take them a while to get through... We’re far enough down to be safe from anything but orbital bombardment, I don’t think they brought a capital ship. I think we need to retreat to the safe room. 

Taveau: Then you’ll just be trapped in there! 

Welkonna: I’ve reported it to the police, a force should be here in about an hour. Surely we’ll last for that long. 

DM: ...The ship... is still approaching... what are you gonna do... 

[Party discusses various options. Leaving through the escape hatch won’t work, they only have a small speeder there, they’d be easily chased down and shot.]

DM: Guys... the ship... is getting really close... what are you gonna do... 

[Welkonna heads into the saferoom, still arguing with Grif]

DM: Guys the ship is ALMOST HERE. IT WILL BE HERE IN LIKE. TEN SECONDS. 

Taveau: the bodyguards are going to be at the door, right? I’ll stay with them as long as possible. 

Rralwarr agrees. 

Grif looks at his friends, then his father. 

Grif: Dad, I think I gotta go with em. I can’t leave em alone--

Taveau: No, you don’t gotta. Go in the safe room. 

Welkonna: Son, please, I can’t lose you too. Stay with me. 

At around this point, the other two head to the front, and Taveau, Rralwarr, Midkrarr, Medrull and Talwarra all take cover in places around the living room right outside the turbolift area. They also recall the turbolift so that the invaders can’t use it, but let’s be honest, did anyone really think that would stop these guys? No. But we could say that we tried, at least.

DM, to Grif: At this point, you’re at the hidden door. Baron Welkonna is already inside, Grif is still outside in the bathroom. Baron Welkonna is coming back like he’s going to grab you and pull you inside, Grif; and you notice this at the same time that you notice that you’re standing right next to the emergency seal on the door. 

M: ooh. ... Hm. 

Grif: Alright dad, I’m going. 

And he steps out and presses the release. 

Welkonna, muffled, through the door, which is now sealed for the next thirty minutes: Aaah fierfek! 

Grif: I’ll try to stay safe dad! 

Grif goes and hides around the corner of the other bathroom, the one at the back of the first room, where the others are waiting. Nobody notices that he’s joined the party yet. 

The last we saw of the display showed the ship on the ground and six figures walking towards us. The Wookiees begin to roar--the DM describes it as a rhythmic sound that slowly builds in intensity as they psyche themselves up for battle. It works so well that it gives us all a +5 bonus to attack rolls on the first 3 turns. 

Above us somewhere, there’s a very loud explosion. It sounds like the freighter may have blasted the door open. Then there’s silence, maybe a few footsteps... then suddenly: 

Kote! Kandosii sa ka'rota, Vode An

DM: You hear, of all things, Vode An, but it seems to have changed, because this version is interspersed with bloodcurdling whoops and screams and lyrics that mention restoring the glory of the Mandalorian empire, taking the wives of the Aruetiise, and drinking blood from their skulls. Taveau, this gives you very unpleasant flashbacks. 

Me: Yes It Does

DM: Roll a 1d4. (2) It’s difficult, but you manage to steel yourself and keep composed. That was a PTSD roll, by the way. 

Me: Excellent (I appreciate the devotion to accurate characterization, and also the material for possibly later writing something. I’ll also throw in here that Vode An had come up a couple times in earlier sessions, as the DM and M discussed how great it was and played it for the rest of us. It’s from the game Republic Commando, which I bought during the Steam winter sale but haven’t tried playing yet. Considering how bad the book punched me in the feels, I’m almost afraid...) 

We hear the sound of jets firing in the elevator shaft, followed by 6 thuds. They’ve jetpacked down. Then, we hear one of them shouting at us through the door: “Aruetiise! We are not without mercy. We offer you peace! Return the foreigner, his pet, and our property to us and we will leave you alone. Otherwise, you must die.” 

DM: the Wookies respond immediately, cursing the parentage of the speaker. Taveau, with your shaky grasp of Shyriiwook, you think you hear one of them call the speaker a Hutt sex slave. You’re not sure you want to think about this too much, and question your decision to learn Shyriiwook. 

(Me, internally: are you telling me Taveau hasn’t heard worse in Mando’a) 

Speaker: You have ten seconds to respond! 

At this, Grif pops his head around the corner of the bathroom wall, and yells:  GO TO HELL YOU SONSUVBITCHES! 

At which Taveau whips around and goes GRIF WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! 

The answer is, Grif is using his Presence skill to give us an advantage. 

Ten seconds pass, and the Speaker calls “Ha! Foolish aruetiise, soon you will taste the blades of Death Watch!” 

Just in case there was any doubt left as to who we’re dealing with, yep, it’s definitely those guys. 

Taveau noted that Death Watch had mentioned three people specifically this time. They’re not just after him. He gives up the idea he’d had of turning himself in and taking whatever punishment they had planned for him. It wouldn’t be enough, would it? He’d been stupid to think there was a chance. But honestly, who would want to kill Grif? He was... Grif. Rralwarr was more likely to be seen as a threat, but he hadn’t personally gone out of his way to anger Death Watch, he’d just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. And he hadn’t been the one to kill the guy. 

Taveau, who was pressed against the wall to the side of the door, leans over to the door and shouts “what do you want with these outsiders?” 

There’s a bit of a, possibly surprised, pause, then the Speaker responds “We want to get to the one who shot one of our own.” 

Taveau: The kid? No he’s useless believe me. He was in another room. I don’t think he even had a gun. And the Wookiee was just trying to protect him, I guarantee he wouldn’t have shot if he’d known who he was dealing with. 

DM: There’s no response. 

Of course there isn’t. 

We hear explosives being packed around the door and we all duck and cover. The door blasts forward into the room, and in the smoke-wreathed gap appears the first of our enemies, a tall man with a rather large blaster carbine slung across his chest. He’s not using this. He is, in fact, brandishing a large beskar-bladed sword. This is the Blademaster. And so it begins. 

(I’ll spare you the frantic rolling and the “oh, he missed... he circles around to try again... that guy... also missed,” and try to make it a bit story-like). 

Another Death Watch grunt runs out behind the Blademaster, and the two team up against Medrull, who’s on the other side of the door from Taveau, whom they don’t seem to have noticed. He’s standing very, very still. 

In the chaos, Grif pops out again and takes a shot at the Blademaster. He hits, though the hit doesn’t do very much damage. This man is a tank. 

H, to M: HEY! THAT IS THE FIRST TIME YA HIT SOMETHING! 

DM: Yeah, and he definitely sees you now. ...But not you, Taveau. 

Me: Can I make a sneak attack with my two vibroblades? 

DM: Yes... (not-a-very-great roll) Ah, well, you try to sneak up on him while his back is turned, but you bang your elbow against the filtration column, and he hears it and dodges your attacks. 

Talwarra nearly kills one of the troopers, but he’s still up and fighting, on a sliver of health. 

All 6 of the Death Watch are in the room now, including a Scout with a very nice & stabby knife and four grunts, fairly ordinary troopers whom the DM refers to by number in the combat initiative list. 

Trooper 3 shoots at Taveau. He hits Taveau. He hits Taveau for a lot of damage. All of it, in fact. He nat 20′d both of his attack rolls. Taveau is insta-downed (not killed) and falls to the floor, limp. 

(the drama of the moment is somewhat lessened by L shouting from the couch “and then one of the troopers starts crying and goes I didn’t want to go to war, I had a liberal arts degree and no one else would hire me!”) 

Rralwarr roars, intimidating the troopers, who all try to stay as far away from him as possible for the rest of the fight. 

The DM mentions, at this point, that these armored bastards have Wookiee pelts braided around their armor. This does not endear them to our allies. 

Grif takes a shot at the nearly-dead guy previously shot by Talwarra and manages to finish him. He’s a bit surprised, and a bit concerned to see what their response will be. 

The DM gets back to Taveau. “Roll a 1d3.” Ah yes, we are now in the world of death saving throws. 

And I’ve just rolled a 1. 

DM: OOOOOH.... 

Me: I HAVE INSPIRATION

DM: Oh good, reroll that. (a 3) Oh! Okay. Good. That was good. You’re stable now. 

Me: But I can’t move? 

DM: No, you’re still unconscious. 

Talwarra, meanwhile, grapples with one of the troopers and manages to restrain him, Medrull is still boxed in by several of them while Rralwarr takes shots at them from around the couch, and while all this is happening, one of the troopers who isn’t currently busy with the others goes over to Taveau’s limp body, grabs him, and starts dragging him away. He disappears through the door and into the turbolift shaft before anyone does anything. 

DM: Medrull... Medrull is going to attempt something a little spicy. (rolls a 24) Ah, yes. She moves in, grabs the guy who was previously holding Taveau, pins his arms, puts him in a chokehold, spins around and uses him as a meatshield. Taveau just sort of slumps to the ground in the turbolift shaft. 

And that was where I remained for the rest of the fight. But the man who tried to abduct me went on to have a very bad time. 

Grif shoots the man fighting Talwarra, but he manages to break out of Talwarra’s grip. The Scout joins him in ganging up on Talwarra. 

DM: Talwarra, enraged-- 

H: OOH IS HE IN WOOKIEE RAGE MODE?? 

DM: ...I am sure Talwarra is in a Wookiee rage, yes. Is this a thing? 

(TO THE RULEBOOK!) 

This is a thing. Wookiees have sort of a berserker mode, and considering they’re being attacked by maniacs wearing the pelts of their dead brethren, it’s pretty safe to assume that our friends are going to be doing that during this battle. Talwarra, buffed by his righteous anger, starts whaling on the nearest member of Death Watch. Meanwhile, another trooper tries to shoot at Medrull, and his shot glances off The Human Shield for 5 damage. To The Shield, not to Medrull. The Shield wriggles around in a desperate attempt to escape, but rolls low enough to bring a deadpan “Yeah, there is no escape” from the DM. 

The Blademaster also fails to land a hit on Medrull. 

M: You know, “The Blademaster” seems like an interesting name for this guy who’s never hit anything with his blade... 

DM: Medrull decides this trooper she’s holding has too many arms... (bad roll) but fails to pull any off. She’s still got him in a firm grip, though. 

It’s here that Grif yells to Rralwarr, “Get Taveau!” because I’m still lying just outside the room. Rralwarr is surprised to see Grif there, but ‘trusts his judgement.’ He doesn’t run for Taveau, though. There are kind of a lot of people duking it out between him and the door, including Medrull, who’s swinging around an entire flailing human. Instead, he takes a shot at the Blademaster, master of the blade which never lands. 

Grif, seeing that he and Talwarra, who’s closest to the back, are getting a lot of attention, yells “let’s fall back!” to Talwarra and ducks into the bathroom, which, might I mention, has no other exit. The trooper Grif had shot at a moment before rushes after him. And then he rolls a crit fail, crashes into the door, injures himself, slips on the slippery bathroom tile floor and falls on his face. He is now prone. Grif steps over him to get out of the room, and then shoots him while he’s still lying down. 

Talwarra grapples with the scout and The Human Shield, who is having a very bad day, continues soaking up damage from his own teammates. Then the Blademaster makes a surprise-dash attack on Rralwarr, which does 34 damage, leaving him nearly dead. Medrull, seeing this, goes into rage mode and decides to body-rush the Blademaster, using The Human Shield as a battering ram to smash him out of the way. She succeeds beautifully, inflicting damage upon both the Blademaster and The Shield, who is really not having a good day. 

The Blademaster, now nearly dead, moves away from us, and... before anyone can finish him off... pulls a syringe from his belt, jams it in his neck, and regains a large chunk of his HP. 

Me: I hate that guy. 

H: I hate that guy too. 

M: I don’t like sand. 

Rralwarr medpacs himself, gets his health back, and then goes into rage mode. Medrull, still holding the least lucky man on this team, uses him as a melee weapon to bludgeon one of his teammates. Rralwarr takes out his new shock stick and slaps the Blademaster with it. The Blademaster goes down. 

Grif takes another shot at the trooper who slipped facefirst into the Welkonna bathroom, who has managed to stand up again but not to do anything else. He rolls a 24 for this. 

H and I simultaneously: OOOOOH, 

Me: You are more competent than Taveau, who has been trained to kill from birth! 

DM: You manage to hit a battery pack on the side of his helmet. It explodes. Half of his face is now gone. 

One more down, but Talwarra goes down a moment later. Rralwarr slams into the guy who downed him, the Scout, with his shock stick and knocks him backwards into the hallway where Grif is standing, shouting “Take the shot!” to Grif. Grif takes the shot and crit fails it. He uses his inspiration to reroll, and still fails to hit anything, but at least he didn’t crit fail and hit Rralwarr. Unlike the other member of our party. (see ep. 1) 

Meanwhile, The Human Shield is still doing frantic and ultimately useless wiggles in Medrull’s arms, and Trooper 2 gets tired of trying to aim around him and just. Shoots his buddy. 

Me, OOC: That poor guy. Seems like the Taveau of this bunch. 

Medrull backs Trooper 2 up against the wall. He’s the last one standing, and Grif comes out and yells at him. 

Grif: Give it up, we have you outnumbered! Go back to your people and tell them we fight with honor! 

This last guy, panicked, yells “I submit!!” and drops his blaster. Medrull takes the opportunity to punch him. He’s now unconscious. 

The room is full of bodies. We’ve won. 

Rralwarr keeps beating on the limp Blademaster for a few moments before coming out of his blind rage enough to treat and stabilize Talwarra. Medrull goes and gets binder cuffs, restrains the two alive-but-unconscious men--Blademaster and the last trooper--and lashes them to two of the bunks in the next room. Then she sits down to take a rest. She’s on very low health. 

Grif: While this is happening I run to Taveau and drag him back into the room and lay him down. 

DM: You know you have a small medical facility here? *points it out on the map* 

Grif: Then never mind, I’m dragging him there. 

Rralwarr and Midkrarr follow with Talwarra. As we all pass the display, we see that another ship has entered their airspace. It’s not Alderaanian police. However, it doesn’t appear to be Death Watch backup, either, as it launches a missile into the other freighter, destroying it, before touching down in front of the bunker. 

After getting Talwarra and Taveau set up in the clinic, Grif rushes to the still-sealed panel to talk to his dad, while Rralwarr returns to guarding the door. 

Grif: Dad!! (he’s breathless, gasping a little, and he sounds high on adrenaline. He’s laughing a little, too. I’m reminded that M is an actor, and a damn good one.) We did it, we got 2 prisoners, the rest are dead and right now Rralwarr’s guarding the door! 

Welkonna: Thank the Force you’re OK. I should have kept you in here with me. 

Grif: DAD!! :D I KILLED TWO OF THEM!! 

Welkonna, who’s been watching the security cam feed: I know. I never wanted you to get into this kind of life, but it seems that choice is beyond me. Now come, let’s treat the Wookiees and your friend.

Baron Welkonna gets himself un-trapped and goes to tend to the wounded. 

DM: Grif, on the display, you see, approaching the door, a Mandalorian--

M, assuming it’s the black-armored mystery man we keep running into: SONUVA-- 

DM: --In sand-colored armor. 

M: ?? WHAT!

DM: And then he looks directly into the camera--which should be completely concealed--and says “Hello! Seems like you’ve done some impressive work here. Could I, maybe... talk to you? I have some information you might find rather valuable.” 

Grif heads back to the door to discuss their options with Rralwarr, who’s starting to crash. Rralwarr’s take is “Well if he shot the other guys, let’s see what he has to say.” He’s still incredibly wary. Grif convinces him to lower his bowcaster as they head up in the turbolift, but he keeps it ready. 

DM: The doors open, and you see the Mandalorian standing in front of you. He’s slightly below average height, wearing scuffed, kind of sand-gold armor. “...Colored kind of like my Camry, actually,” says the DM. “He’s wearing Camry-colored armor. You notice a familiar-looking silvery flute hanging from his belt.” 

M, remembering that the black-armored Mandalorian murdered someone with a sharpened flute in one of their earlier adventures: SONUVA--so it IS the same guy!! 

DM: This isn’t the same guy. He’s shorter. His voice is more easygoing, rather than the clipped, aristocratic tones of the black-armored Mandalorian. He’s standing with his palms out in a gesture of non-confrontationality.

H: Rralwarr stands by the door and lets Grif do the talking.

Camry-armored man: So you’re still alive, then. Kandosii! You must be special indeed, not everyone gets a death watch assassin squad sent after them. Those damn shabuire... Mm. My name’s Mij Galmar. 

DM: He takes off his helmet, there’s a slight hiss of decompression. You see the face of a man in his late 40s-early 50s, dirty blonde hair greying around the edges. He has a face that would have been handsome in his youth but has met with a few fists since then; he’s got a squashed, broken nose.

Rralwarr takes this as a decent sign of trust and lowers his guard.

Grif goes for a handshake. “Grif Welkonna! Nice to meet you, sir.”

Mij: Rather impressive what you did there, son. Or what I’m assuming you did. I don’t know what their current numbers are, but used to be a squad was 8 men. 

Grif and Rralwarr look at each other in sudden paranoia. 

They take Mij back down with them in the turbolift, and when the doors open Rralwarr leaves at a sprint, heading back towards the medbay. 

Mij: What’s his rush?

Grif: you said 8? 6 came after us.

Mij shrugs. “Maybe 2 stayed in the freighter. Or their numbers have gone down. Death Watch has only recently made a resurgence, they’re not up to full strength; 6 was probably all they had.” 

Grif: I hope you’re right. You’ll understand our concern, though. We’ve been having trouble with these guys.

Mij: Have you, now?

Grif, being Grif, decides to roll a Charisma, and nat 20s it.

Grif: Yeah, so, what do you know about these guys? I’d like to know what their deal is.

DM: Mij gives you an appraising look. “I guess you could call me a patriot, though Death Watch would say that they’re the patriots. They’re really nothing more than criminals. I like to think of the days when we had honor, but Death Watch remembers the times when our name struck fear at a mere mention. We thought they were dead at Galadran, but it seems they’re back, and they’ve used the civil war as an opportunity to make some powerful friends. 

Grif: That’s unfortunate. Sounds like a problem for you guys.

Mij: It’s a problem for those of us who know. We Mandos typically keep to ourselves.

Grif: I mean, I guess that makes sense if you’re gonna have the kind of problems you do. Besides, considering the kind of warriors you make, I’d expect that you want to keep your secrets close. 

Mij: Look at you, already thinking like a Mando. So how many of you were there? I’m guessing you and your friend didn’t fight off the Death Watch by yourselves.  

Grif: Yes, we had a couple bodyguards with us as well, and another friend.

Mij: I see. Have they fared well, did any of them die?

Grif: Well, I mean, we had a few problems, some of them are getting patched up for minor injuries. But everyone should be right as rain in a few minutes. (Deception roll: 32)

Mij: You know what, considering what I’ve seen today I believe you. But, if you ever need help, I am a doctor.

Party: OH, THANKS, GRIF!

M: I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE SAFE I DIDN’T WANT HIM TO THINK WE WERE COMPLETELY DEFENSELESS

Grif: ...I mean, we would take some medpacs, if you have some to spare. 

Mij: Oh? Everyone’s OK, but you want medpacs? 

Grif: Yes but we used up a lot of medpacs, and now we’re a bit low. I mean, they came through our “impenetrable” door; that makes me a bit nervous.

Mij: I respect that. 

Meanwhile, Rralwarr finds Baron Welkonna, who grabs him and asks why the display feed shows his son sitting on the couch with a strange Mandalorian. Rralwarr is really starting to struggle against the fatigue now, coming down from berserker mode is worse than an adrenaline crash. 

Rralwarr: There’s... a sandpaper armor Mandalorian, out there... He shot the freighter, he took off his helmet as a gesture of trust, now he’s on our couch. 

Baron Welkonna: Will my son never learn! 

H: Rralwarr is actually a little bit loopy. 

DM: Yeah, I’ll bet. Medrull is going to lie down and take a rest in the bunk room, keeping an eye on the prisoners. And Baron Welkonna is going to go see what Grif’s up to. 

H: Rralwarr goes with him. 

Grif, seeing them come in: Heyyy! Who brought in the army? 

Rralwarr slumps against the wall, exhausted. Mij takes a look at him, then at Grif, and goes “right as rain, huh? Don’t worry about it kid, I respect the effort.” He stands and extends his hand to Baron Welkonna with a slight bow. 

Welkonna: Thank you for the service you did us in taking down that freighter. But if you’ll forgive me a bit of paranoia, considering what we’ve just come through, it is a bit suspicious that you showed up just now. 

Mij: Understandable, and I’ll be honest. I’ve been hunting these guys, I take my targets where I can find them. 

Welkonna: Ah. So you’re a bounty hunter. 

Mij: Sometimes. I prefer to think of myself as a doctor, really. 

(Party: HE SAID IT AGAIN) 

Welkonna: I... see. (sigh) This, the whole series of events the past week has been surreal. First my wife and now the attack on what I thought was a safe house. 

Mij: Wait, your wife? 

He looks between Grif and Baron Welkonna, noting the similarity, and the way that everyone’s gotten rather quiet. He looks back at Grif. 

Mij: ...They killed his mom? 

H: Rralwarr is grumbling in the corner about it. 

Mij: Shab, these... They’re going after kids now. I can’t believe... How did you attract the ire of Death Watch? They’re brutal, but usually not random. 

Grif gives him the short version of our Hypori adventure, concluding with “We’re not sure why they’re this angry, but maybe when one of our friends wakes up he can talk to you.” 

(Me: Hey, good question, am I conscious now? 

DM: You’re semiconscious. You still can’t move.)

Mij: I see. Would you like me to treat him? 

(Me, OOC, wanting Taveau to LIVE: Grif? Grif. Swallow your pride, Grif. 

M: It’s not pride! I’m just not sure we can trust him--)

Rralwarr: Yes. 

Grif: ... Yes. Thank you. 

They glance in on the prisoners and Medrull first. Medrull has stripped the dead and prisoners of their Wookiee pelts, planning to give them a proper burial later. Mij looks at them and comments “Aah, that’s how you did it. They should’ve known better than to wear their blasted Wookiee pelts.” 

Then he checks on Taveau and Talwarra. Talwarra is still unconscious, but should live. 

DM: He feels for broken bones, checks your eyes for concussion, makes sure you don’t have any untreated injuries and injects a stimulus. You come back. 

Mij: Aah, welcome back to the land of the living. Just a word of advice: you may want to lay off the rum, brother. It’ll increase your life expectancy. 

Taveau: ?? Whhhh I just met you huuh how did dyou know ?? 

(M: He’s a doctor, I think he can tell when your blood is 50% rum. 

DM: Yeah, Mij has seen alcoholics before.) 

Rralwarr leans right down to the cot and gives Taveau a massive bear hug. Let me repeat. Whom does this massive furry tank teammate give a hug to? Yes, Taveau, who was near-lethally shot half an hour before, and is still covered in bandages. 

Taveau: AAAGH! Um, hey. 

Grif: Careful! 

Taveau, who appreciated the gesture (though startling and painful), manages to give Rralwarr’s arm-fur a squeeze before he releases him. Grif, opting to not damage him more, ruffles his hair. 

Grif: It’s OK. This guy is a friend. 

Mij: Mij Galmar. You feel awake enough to explain what’s going on? Your friends told me I should talk to you. 

Taveau: Uh... 

Grif: Actually, hey, guys, if you wouldn’t mind giving me and Taveau a moment alone? We have some stuff to talk over. 

And the adults politely leave, except for the unconscious Wookiee on the bed next to Taveau, and Rralwarr, who slumps down on the floor against the supply cabinets. 

Grif: OK, here’s the thing. I think we can trust Mij, I think he can help us.

Taveau: He’s... when did he get here? How long has it been?? 

Grif: Not long, you’ve only been unconscious maybe half an hour. Less, I’d say. 

Taveau: Huh. Ok. 

Grif:  Mij wants to know why Death Watch is interested in you. But if you don’t want to tell him, I understand--

Taveau: Nah. If telling him will help us, I’ll do it. 

Taveau sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed in a sloppy attempt at standing up. Grif catches him and helps him get up without further injuring himself, and supports him as he walks to the door. 

Taveau: We won, though? 

Grif: Yeah! Oh, yeah, we won! *with immense pride* Actually, I killed two of them! 

Taveau: Yeah? Kandosii. 

Grif: Kk?? Kah, um, kendasi to you, too. 

DM: Hey, are you saying this out loud? 

Me, instantly on edge bc that’s a Things Are About to Happen DM Question: ??? yes?? 

DM: Can everyone hear you? 

Me: ...We’re right in the doorway at this point so yeah, everyone should be able to hear me. 

DM: ah :) 

Me: What? What Happens

DM: Mij hears you say this. He looks over at you quickly, then says, in Mando’a, “You speak Mando’a?” 

Taveau: lek

(DM: ??? 

Me: ....ye. * ’lek is a shortened form of elek which is yes so it’s like going ‘ye’ or ‘yeah’ but DM either couldn’t tell the difference between ‘lek’ and ‘I just muffled a burp’ or doesn’t know that*)

DM: Alright, Mij looks intensely at you for a moment, and sort of flares his nostrils as he takes a deep breath. 

Mij: Let me guess. You were just a kid, weren’t you? 

Taveau: 

Taveau, struggling against all odds (and against his earlier resolve) to not have his backstory brought up again even though it’s happening anyway, and doing an extremely bad job of feigning innocence: ....scuse me?

Mij: Death Watch could never get enough people to join their crazy scheme, so to fill up the ranks they’d take the children of loyal members. 

Taveau, still trying to pretend he’s not an open book: How do you know this? 

Mij: If you mean how do I know that’s what happened--you know the language, and you look like you’ve seen some stuff. As to how I know about it, I’ve seen it, I grew up there. It almost happened to me. But I got out. 

Taveau, with a faint touch of both bitterness and respect in his voice: Good on you. 

Mij: How’d you get out? 

Taveau: Faked my death, but obviously I didn’t do a very good job. 

Mij: They saw you with these others on Hypori. 

Taveau: Yeah. 

Mij: That explains it, then. Death Watch doesn’t want to let go once they have something, and they’ll go to a lot of effort to show that they still own you. 

Taveau, remembering how they treated (attempted) deserters in his day, just nods. They don’t want to let someone be a bad example. 

Mij switches back to Basic, addressing everyone in the room. 

Mij:  *sigh* Alright. I’ll give it to you straight. Death Watch is coming back. They have no real concern with Alderaan, or the Republic, or really anywhere outside of Mandalore for now; but they’re desperate to re-establish themselves somewhere. That fight on Hypori made them angry, but they don’t have the manpower to attack the Republic, so they’ve decided to pick on you. You’re an easier target. And once they’ve decided that someone is their enemy, they don’t forget easily. I think, if the three of you that they’re after leave this planet, they won’t bother the rest of your family, but they’re going to keep hunting you. Now, I’m no big fan of the Republic, but we’ll fare no better under the Seps, and especially not with Death Watch in power, so I’ve made it my mission to hunt them. 

Grif: Mij? 

DM: He looks up at you. 

Grif: Could you guys use a courier? 

Mij: I was hoping you’d say something like that. I’m putting together a small operation... 

(me: DOCTOR PUN) 

Mij: and I know... I know that Val would call me soft for this, and I’m probably sounding too much like Skirata, but I can’t stand it when they go after kids. I can’t promise you safety, I can’t promise you much protection, but I can promise you a way to fight back, and to learn to stand on your own feet and fight for yourself. You’ll have to leave this place, and you may never come back. It’s bas'lan shev'la, a strategic disappearance. But unless you want to go your own way, on the run from these guys for who knows how long... 

Baron Welkonna has a grave look on his face. There are tears glistening in his eyes. 

Welkonna: I never wanted this for you, son. I should never have let you leave, but this is the life you’ve started for yourself. I’ll protect you if I can, but I know that you resent having guards around you all the time. And you’ve shown that despite your impulsiveness you take care of yourself. You can stand on your own.

Gears have been turning in Taveau’s head while this is going on.  Mij doesn’t think Death Watch is interested in Grif’s family. Death Watch is only tangentially interested in Grif and Rralwarr, for their accidental association in a battle on Hypori. What Taveau is painfully aware of at the moment is that Death Watch wants him; terrifying enough if he were alone, but now his presence here is endangering this peaceful family. 

He steps forward before anyone else can speak. 

Taveau: For my part, I’ll go with you, at least as long as it takes to get out of this system. 

He turns back towards the Welkonnas and Rralwarr and hesitates. 

Taveau: I wasn’t here long, but... thank you... for accepting me into your home. 

Grif turns to Rralwarr to discuss his own options. 

Grif: right now, I want to go.It’s the best chance for keeping our family safe, and... I don't hate them anymore, but I will do what I can to fight them. If you go with me, then I’ll go, but only if you stay by my side.

H: ...I’m just trying to figure out how Rralwarr would react to this--is there some Wookiee gesture to express that Grif is family and anything else would be unthinkable? 

DM: I think a hug would suffice. 

Rralwarr sweeps Grif up into a hug of affirmation. Grif leaves the floor. Grif, upon being released, turns to Mij with a grin. 

Grif: alright, you’ve got me, and you’ve got my uncle Rralwarr here--

Rralwarr: I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT IN PUBLIC

Grif:--and one of the best pilots in the galaxy.

Taveau steps forward and slaps his hand down solidly on Grif’s shoulder. He’s the closest he’s come yet to outright grinning. 

Taveau: Grif.  ...Don’t lie so much.

Grif: ?? what? No? I was... actually telling the truth...? 

(H, laughing: Charisma check on Taveau to make him believe!!)

The conversation turns to what we’re going to do with the prisoners, and Mij offers to ‘take them off our hands’. Grif asks Mij what he’d do with them. 

“Oh, strip them, interrogate them, and depending on the day, maybe see if we can’t propel them into the nearest sun.” 

Grif tells how he convinced the last man standing to surrender (a not very typically Death Watch thing to do) and Mij just sort of does an ‘I’m not surprised’ grunt. “There’s always a few hut’uune in the ranks.” 

(Fun etymology time, the Mandalorians have such an intense dislike for the Hutts that their word for ‘coward’, aka The Worst serious insult, is derived from their name.) 

Midkrarr asks if the bodyguards may see to the prisoners themselves, or at least get some things straightened out before giving them to Mij. Mij responds without waiting for a translation. 

Mij: Far be it from me to stand in the way of Wookiee justice! Try to leave the heads attached, but I don’t really care about the arms, they just get in the way. 

Rralwarr, still very lethargic, is taken aback that Mij understands Shyriiwook, but after a moment just replies:

Rralwarr: OK. They had pelts. We have... a special procedure... for ones who take pelts. 

Mij: Would you like to borrow my scalpel? Nice bit of Mandalorian iron. 

Rralwarr passes, but Midkrarr snatches it up with a pleased look and goes off towards the bunk room. Mij calls after her 

“Leave them able to talk... please?” 

Finally, Mij takes out his comlink and makes a call to someone. 

“Jang, we’ve got some new friends. Yeah, just two kids. And a Wookiee. Yes I knew you were going to say that. Where is Kal anyway? Nah, they had it taken care of by the time I got down here, they’re not completely helpless. Six, this time. *sigh* Yes, you can have their gloves.” 

Masterpost 

[thedeadflag]

Hey, pretty soon I'll be playing a friend of mine is gonna be DMing Tyranny Of Dragons for me and a couple of friends, and I can't decide whether I should play a Monk (probably Open Hand, maybe Kensei) or a Ranger (either Beastmaster or Horizon Walker), 'cause I've never played either of those classes, nor has anyone at the tables I've played. Can you tell me a little about your experiences with these classes?

The Ranger has been one of my favourite classes throughout the editions of D&D in terms of flavour, and I’ve had some fun with monks as well. In 5th edition, both took a fair bit of a hit in utility (individual and within group dynamics) and power at pretty much all ranges. The Ranger was propped back up a little bit in Unearthed Arcana in the revised ranger archetype, but both are still largely considered at best middle of the road classes, and at worst, the lowest tier of classes in the game in utility and character. 

That’s not to say they can’t be fun and have a lot of flavour, and still find use. If you’ve watched Critical Role, you can see Vex and Beau weren’t useless by any stretch. No class is junk in 5e due to the improved parity compared to some past editions. So power and utility aside, if you feel drawn to any class/subclass, and you want to dive into its particular brand of flavour, then I say go for it. I would gauge the rest of the party’s makeup in making your decision, because group synergy is important, but you have to make yourself happy, too, right?

Anywho, I’ll break down my take on both.

When it comes to Monks, I like Open Hand the best. If you want to have a Monk-style gameplay with weapons, then Mystic or Fighter are probably better options with some more flair and utility involved than Kensei imo, but if that’s the route you want to take, it’d be alright. However, Open Hand has quivering palm, which is pretty incredible late game as far as damage and flexible timing from a single person through 3 ki pts and an action. If you do ever reach level 17, I would recommend multiclassing after that if you’re allowed, since the rest of the Monk’s class progression is kind of junk in comparison, and it could use some much needed utility from 3 levels of another class. Anywho, I like open hand not just for the flavor of being a class that’s capable of being an unarmed beast in battle, but also because of the way it can work in alignment with fighters who can also control the battlefield, like any fighter with a sentinel/polearm master. The ability to shove an enemy up to 15ft with one of your flurry attacks, launching them into the range of a fighter who gets a free opp attack against them and can from then on lock down their movement with a successful hit? That can be an excellent tag team. The Monk isn’t excellent for utility, but the Open Hand technique is probably the best at providing utility in combat among all the monk disciplines. Like, another option after hitting with flurry of blows is to steal all reactions for the opponent until the end of your next turn. This can be especially helpful against casters, as stealing reactions = preventing counterspells. And Monks can get a lot of attacks = lots of attempts to disrupt concentration of enemy casters, so the open hand monk is especially helpful at being a designated mage wrecker with having the mobility to reach casters and the ability to destabilize them. It’s arguably the one thing (aside from unarmed damage) that (this one kind of) monks do better than just about anyone else, arguably.

Now, to Rangers.

Honestly, I don’t like beast-focused Rangers. I think they’re a lot of work in order to get the mechanical payoff most other classes can achieve without a lot of thought or effort. Generally, any class that can let me focus more on flavour and RP is one I’m going to prefer, and beast master’s just…unwieldy. A lot of people say the class is junk, and if you run it without getting into the headspace for optimizing, it’s probably going to be more of a frustrating experience than you’d have hoped for. With BMs, you’re managing not just your character, but your companion, and you have to keep up with the different mechanics of both, you need to be 100% on top of choices made while leveling up, you need to have a strong understanding of battlefield control and your companion’s capabilities from the get go, and you really ought to be the kind of player who is happy to take a backseat to everyone else in and out of combat because the way you’ll shine is by helping everyone else do what they do with a little bit higher odds of success than otherwise. Personally, I like playing that sort of character, but I can do all of that with other classes a lot easier, and usually better, so this isn’t the kind of archetype I’d choose for a character myself. If you really want to, and think it’s cool, go for it, though.

The first thing I’d do is ask if you can use the UA revised ranger instead of the PHB ranger if you’re going the beast route (it’s “beast conclave” archetype in UA). If your DM allows that and insists you choose your companion from the list provided here, take the wolf (pack tactics is v helpful, same with 40ft speed and being able to send enemies prone after attacking) or ape (climb 30ft, melee/ranged ability, good stat baselines). 

The second thing you’ll need is to lock down a quality companion, and that can take a bit of wheeling and dealing with your DM to let you use one of the supplementary books as a source, which is especially necessary if you’re not able to use the revised ranger class from UA. You do not want a hawk, mastiff, or panther, the PHB offers some shit examples out of the gate (panther and hawk are only conditionally good if you’re only ever going to have your companion rushing around the map using the ‘help’ action, or scouting to some extent, and the latter becomes less useful and reliable the higher level you become). Don’t choose a CR 0 companion, or one under ¼. If you absolutely must use a hawk for character flavor, then a blood hawk that at least has pack tactics would be a must. But if you are hoping for a companion that can do damage, look for something with certain damage if it hits, like added poison damage. Look for good AC if you want a tank. Look for versatility in mobility and senses. Look for special abilities (the boar having a relentless ability where it’ll go back to 1HP if it falls below 0; the wolf spider has web walk and web sense which can really help with casters using web if players don’t want to wade into the difficult terrain or are having difficulty finding enemies caught in the web; etc.)

But yeah, beast-focused rangers  will be best when they’re spamming the help action with their beasts, using their beasts to get enemies out of cover, using their beasts to help control the field and give others advantage/take advantage, etc. You need to be quick mentally to know what you want to do with your character and your companion each time your turn comes around (most DMs, myself included, aren’t going to let you have as much time as you need to figure out what you want to do on both fronts, so if you can’t juggle two characters at once without losing a step, it might not be the archetype for you). This type of ranger requires you to know exactly what you want to be able to accomplish for yourself and your party right out of the gate, so you’ll want to gauge what your party members will be specializing in, what they want to be able to do, and see if there’s a way to shape your ranger to aid in that, particularly in choosing a beast that can be the most effective in ensuring that. Group cohesion is the name of the game with this form of ranger, so you’ll want to consider race selection a part of this process, too. I’ve had one player bomb hard as a BM and re-roll a different ranger, and I’ve had a friend who ran one who was the group’s unsung hero a lot of the time during their campaign. If you’re looking at Vex from CR as inspiration, keep in mind she had an excellent set of stats from lvl 9 onwards, and plenty of magical weapons to make up for much of any class shortcomings as characters scale up…look at how often Trinket was useful (very rarely) and understand that the bear was essentially just flavour for most of the campaign, and Vex would have been considerable underpowered compared to the rest of the party if not for some considerable DM intervention in ways that make things a lot trickier for DMs (adding magical weapons/items can easily unbalance a campaign, and it’s a matter of experience in knowing how to dole them out without throwing balance aside…Matt Mercer’s comfortable handing out flying carpets and multiple +2AC items  and superpowered magical weapons by level 9, I wouldn’t give them out before level 14 or 15 and it would really only be if a player was severely struggling and refused to re-roll a more appropriate character while dying or nearly dying most combats). Other classes and archetypes have features and abilities that scale as you level, some earn specific spells as they level up that others can’t get, etc., but with beast conclave rangers, it’s their beast that slightly improves in a few meaningful ways. So if you’re going that route, you need to commit to a great beasts that’s a great fit for you and your party, and you need to commit to making the absolute most out of them and knowing how to make the most out of them.

Horizon Walker’s a simpler archetype that has some badass spells, but the flavour for the class can be a bit…strange in some adventures. It might not fit well with Tyranny of Dragons, I’m not sure how much planar travel’s involved in that adventure. Which might not be a problem for the DM, or you. I still prefer the UA ranger conclaves, but out of the PHB ones, this one’s probably the best of the bunch, even if it’s mostly going to lean towards being a melee build (which, again, check your party comp to see if that’s something that is workable). 

Anywho, those are my late night D&D ramblings. You can take my words with a grain of salt if you’d like, and as always the rule of cool applies…if you think it’s cool and you really want to go with something, go for it and I hope the DM will find a way to help you make it work, but yeah, these classes can be a bit of an uphill battle, though I suppose potentially a rewarding challenge if that’s what you’re looking for.

Best of luck with the campaign, I’m sure you’ll have fun! 

[nebulova]

who is chaoshoodie??

oh boy, here we go

came onto my selfies and called me bulldozer

when i sent him a pm to ask why (his asks werent open and i couldnt tag to reply on my selfie) he spent a good amount of time attacking my appearance and calling me fat, and then attacking my sexuality (telling me being a lesbian is incest among other things)

threatened to hack me and when i dared him to he just.. made a sideblog with the url piaxxm (which ive now saved)

oh yeah, i forgot to mention he’s a literal furry and wants to fuck horses

tried to blame me for everything he called me, accused me of ‘barging in’ to his messages when all i did was say ‘wtf does ur comment on my selfies mean’ because i was confused

continued to insult me both in dm and out (replies on these selfies include insults from him)

sent me porn of an old man followed by ‘bye dyke trash’ before turning his messaging off. i saved the url dyktrash.

messaged me again because he thinks me mentioning his url in a hashtag on my post is abuse

tried to fake kik messages from me, except he was using an app called lynx which was obvious from the photo - f/g warning

half apologized - it was one of those ‘im sorry you got offended’ things AND THEN TRIED TO MAKE ME APOLOGIZE TO HIM!!

got mad when i wouldnt apologize and went back to insulting me

ended when i gave up and blocked him (after reporting him) because im abt 5 seconds from bursting into tears and even tho im starving bc i havent eaten all day i feel like i cant eat bc of some of the things he said to me