#if you want to decide they’re post op trans women I think that’s wonderful and I support you

[bucketsofmonsters]

hi oh my goodness I discovered you today and I can't get enough of your writing! Its all so lovely!! I was wondering if you've ever done/plan on doing any oneshots or series with a transfem reader? :>

Pls ur too sweet, thank you!!💕 I’ve absolutely thought about it but I wouldn't say I’m actively planning anything. For a canonically trans woman reader, I worry about being accurate to trans women, I’d have to put a lot of time and thought into it but its something I'd be totally willing to do.

In terms of reader characters, I try to keep my readers as open ended as possible, let people put what they want onto a character, but I do tend towards readers (or just pov characters in any smut I write) with the parts I’m familiar with. Hence the whole ‘afab reader’ thing I do a lot where I avoid gendered language to let people project the gender they’d prefer onto the reader, just inform people of the genitalia they'll have. Most of my readers live in a genderless void without pronouns or names or anything else I can avoid. My problem is simply that I am not experienced enough with penises to write from the pov of someone with one comfortably lol, otherwise there’d be no problem. I certainly would be open to trying, especially if someone came to me with an idea they wanted to see, I just worry about being authentic more importantly to a trans experience and less importantly but also difficult for me, with being able to portray the biology properly.

Long story short, I’m absolutely open to it I just would want to make sure I’m doing it respectfully and truthfully in all aspects if that makes any sense

[nothorses]

Honestly no joke as a trans man I sometimes have weekly/nightly breakdowns thinking about phallo and tonight I’ve sobbed harder than I have in a long while and I just need a place to vent. I’m so fucking jealous of transfem results which look and function amazingly compared to transmasc results. I see trans women with vulvas that are cis passing both in look and functionality all the goddamn time and I have never seen a trans man’s phallo that even looks vaguely realistic, nevermind the function. I just.... not to be overly dramatic but sometimes it actually makes me suicidal thinking about how I’ll never have a penis that remotely looks or functions like how they’re supposed to. I keep refreshing my browser over and over again and check almost daily for any new development in the field and it’s all just a constant stream of radio silence or disappointing results and I’ve just lost all hope of having any remote form of sexual satisfaction. (Also no I’m not getting meta because I’m not shilling out thousands of dollars just for a micro penis that’s useless for pleasuring my male partner. If I wanted a useless micro dick I’d just keep my T-dick.)

So, there are some misconceptions in here.

First: Meta phalluses are not "useless"; the reason so many folks opt for them over phallo is because they do appear more natural, they are more sensitive more quickly, and they get erect on their own. The operation is also less expensive, more minor, and heals quicker, iirc!

Second: Phallo results can also be pretty great! There are a lot of misconceptions around phallo, and a lot of it is because TERFs and radfems have a vested interest in scaremongering about them. The myths are so pervasive that most people who get phallo don't really want to share updates, because sharing updates often means your photos are mocked and ridiculed, and sometimes passed around to scare other people out of getting phallo as well. They hide groups and photo resources behind heavy group security and passwords, and even then they're hard to locate at all.

So the pictures you see of phallo results are usually:

Only the forearm skin healing progress, because that generally isn't censored on popular sharing sites

Only of very recent results, pre-contouring and touchups and early in the healing process, because they were taken by the surgeon at a post-op; and/or

Old and out-of-date procedures, because it's hard for people to get their hands on any photos at all, let alone recent ones- plus people don't know the difference because knowledge is so scarce to begin with.

Part of the problem here is also that everyone buys into these myths; not just TERFs. It's become "common knowledge" that phallo results are Grossy Icky Unconvincing Bad Insufficient Will Make You Hate Yourself. This feeds on the dysphoria of people who actually do want this kind of surgery, convincing everyone that it's pointless, it'll just waste your time/money, you'll only hate yourself more, you just have to live with this body you're miserable in and hate yourself this amount rather than risk making it worse... and on, and on, and on.

So we spread these ideas among each other, too, and now it's even harder to share result updates and pictures from years and years of recovery, from happy people who love their phallo results and are so glad they got it done- because every time they share it, the conversation just becomes demoralizing and nitpicky and dysphoria-inducing for everyone involved, but especially the person who's actual genitals are the subject of such intense scrutiny.

Look, I know bottom dysphoria is hard. It's an expensive fix, you can't be sure you'll be 100% happy with the results, it's a lot of risk vs. reward; and not much information to start with. And it is so, so hard to feel like there's no good solution. It hurts so much, and it's so easy to feel alone. And you aren't alone- a lot of people feel this exact way, and we're here with you.

But please be mindful about how you're talking about real living human beings' genitals. So many people have found that these surgeries are absolutely worth it to them, and have felt they've fixed a lot and helped a lot, and so many people are working so hard to love their bodies- even if those results weren't exactly what they wanted. Their bodies are wonderful, their results deserve celebration, and people deserve the space to be excited about the possibilities, and proud of those results, if they decide those are options they want to pursue!

It might also be worth working on that kind of thinking in yourself, too. Most aspects of transition are flawed; sometimes we fixate on the flaws because dysphoria tells us to, and looking at the positives can help a lot. And sometimes the reality of our transition solves enough of the dysphoria that we find the flaws aren't as big a deal as we though they'd be, too.

[cabin6halfblood]

Cut your younger selves some slack, please.

Our younger selves should not be held accountable by the shows we enjoyed.

I’ve seen several posts where people state they were embarrassed by being a part of the superwholock fandom when it was huge on tumblr I thought a lot about it and I wondered if I felt the same.

I’ve seen people try to hide the fact they were fans or act as if it was the worst thing in the world or proudly state they are very glad they’re no longer into those shows.

I’m not telling anyone how to act or how to view something, but I wondered about it.

Nowadays sometimes enjoying something that has a huge cult following is seeing as bad, unoriginal.

To be honest, I understand. Who’s never enjoyed a new show so much and wanted people to be a part of that good feeling only to see the same old three shows trending on tumblr, no one even aware your new show’s name?

The show’s popularity only growing, adults, kids and teens all watching the same thing, different maturity, world views and understanding levels all around boiling under the same pot, all posts under the same tag.

Adults telling children they shouldn’t like something or even bullying them, teens trying to get what’s the right side of an issue but only seeing posts like “you either look through something this way or you’re cancelled.”

Sometimes a bitter feeling appears when that happens and some people want nothing to do with that popular show.

I get it, of course I’ve felt it too, I’m fucking human.

Last week I saw one post that the op was stating that comparing a new show like good omens and superwholock was stupid and that these fandoms should be left in the past, tags filled with justification that it wasn’t a hate post because they liked these fandoms too before, but also full of embarrassment for having done so.

I think that’s when I decided.

What’s it fucking worth, judging what we liked when we were younger? Is it gonna change anything today? Maybe you’ll be ‘cool’ all around for dissing on something that was popular once, still won’t change the fact that you enjoyed it.

I’m so tired of holding my younger self to such a high standard. It’s so much time wasted hating someone who just didn’t have the same maturity level of me right now. Worst thing is that someone is me.

I had never seen a same sex kiss until I was 12, I didn’t know what “feminist” meant until I was 13. I didn’t know what “trans” was or what gender fluid was supposed to be. What did it even mean to be right or left when people were talking politics (still figuring that out)? Why was it upsetting that white people used dreads or wore native costumes on Halloween (something my country does not even celebrate)?

Hell, I didn’t even know the English language until I was 11.

Took time to understand things like words that shouldn’t be said because of racial reasons or homophobic backgrounds and then adapt my understanding that some words get reappropriated, took time to understand that some curse words were demeaning to women in some contexts but in others treated as a slang.

I’m not gonna expect a kid today to just know these things. I’m still constantly understanding them.

But I’ve seen adults bullying kids for shipping something problematic while they don’t even know or understand why it is problematic. Adults expecting kids to fight against said problematic issue when a kid should be only worried about enjoying their childhood and innocence.

I don’t hate my 14 year old self for enjoying supernatural, for loving doctor who or staying hours ‘deducing’ sherlock.

Do these shows have problems? Of fucking course. I’ll be damned if I’ve seen a show that’s 100% perfect because tv shows are made by humans and humans are fallible.

I’m in no way denying problematic things, but we are not born filled with all knowledge in the world, we grow up and we have phases. We’ve all had a haircut we are a little embarrassed about, done something we’re not proud of or loved something intensely once that we just don’t anymore. We all go trough phases and we’re all in constant contact with a developing world, constantly developing our own selves (I hope).

I’ve decided I’m gonna cut my younger self some slack. Focus on being my best self right now.

 I’m an adult now, I can fight and protest that tv shows stop their problematic behaviour so kids can enjoy something that they can safely copy in the future and be better adults themselves. 

But I don’t think I should expect kids to fight with me, of course they can, but it’s my view that it’s not their responsibility to. They’re just trying to figure out the world right now, just like I did then. While I’m gonna keep trying to be a better adult, I’m gonna cut kids and teens some slack too.

I hope you can too.

[lesbianau]

I'm a trans mtf gal majoring in LGBT/queer studies so I'd just like to add something! English isn't my first language rip so I apologize for my grammar. But there was so much misinformation being promoted yesterday and from what I could tell the op's of these posts were mostly cisgender? Which is so so uncomfortable. The idea of these messages from cis people on gender being cemented in this fandom as the acceptable way to talk about gender is a bit distressing. And from what I can(...)

tell from following you is that you’ve been very respectful about this topic from the posts you reblogged so overall I feel comfortable sharing this message with you. Since it seems like others who tried to do the same thing were met with hostility and anger. So to get to the point, I’d just like to say that from where I stand, with both academic and personal experience with this, er, discourse, is a few things. A lot of people have already said this and for whatever reason(…)

it’s been rejected. Which is bad! Let me make this clear: gender exists as a mental, emotional, and physical spectrum. It’s incredibly complex. A queer person’s experience with gender is their own to put into words. No one else can. This goes for gender identity and gender expression. The reason why it’s such a sensitive topic is because the idea of gender we know know comes from a misogynistic, homophobic, and transphobic society. When you assign gender- that is, categorize(…)

(I’m putting the rest under the cut, but this is a very interesting read i highly recommend)

anything at all as either feminine or masculine- you are by default perpetuating those standards. Pink is not feminine, blue is not masculine, sewing is not feminine, woodwork is not masculine, certain manners of speech or dress or walk or physical features- none of these things that are gendered. Society assigned them genders and decided to shape us around it. It is through this idea that queer people experience oppression, shame and violence. It is because of it. And as(…)

long as we continue to live in this society it’s an influence that we cannot escape. It shapes us, our perception and our beliefs on a subconscious level whether we like it or not. To change it would mean undoing centuries of social conditioning on a global scale. It just can’t be done. What we can only do is decide for ourselves our own feelings with gender, sexuality, etc. We weren’t born with the perks of falling into every societal standard demanded of us. As a result(…)

we are forced to examine our identities and try to make sense of what makes us feel a disconnect with the identity we’re told we must have. For some it’s a journey away from those societal standards entirely. For others it’s about finding a more comfortable spot within those norms. There is no invalid way of experiencing this. For gender specifically the experience is even more nuanced, confusing and delicate. This is because the further away one strays from gender norms(…)

specifically the greater the danger. There can be fatal consequences to simply existing as a trans individual. Both from violence and suicide. Because this is what our society perpetuates. So the second any of us project something born from discrimination and hatred onto anyone or anything other than ourselves, we are are honoring what it was meant to do. As a trans woman my experiences with masculinity have been very unpleasant and as such I’m very sensitive about conversations(…)

involving femininity and masculinity. For me womanhood is something I associate with femininity and I can’t break free from my feelings about it. However not all women feel this way. There are masculine women who are joyous in their womanhood and they are valid in their experience. It does not and would never affect my experience nor would mine affect theirs. Unless I came up to her and told her women can only be feminine or she came up to me and congratulated me on(…)

being a feminine man because we would both cause each other a lot of pain. Even if she meant to be nice to me I would be experiencing depression for weeks even though she meant no harm and even if she apologized to me right after. Another example is if someone told me they loved how feminine my demeanor despite having no hips I would probably burst into tears right there! I can’t help but have a very traditional view of gender in regards to my own identity. I’m a feminine woman(…)

who thinks everything I am and do is feminine. But because I can’t afford to transition I feel that I have to be more loyal to societal norms of gender in hopes I can be more passing. I see a feminine woman when I look in the mirror without makeup or my wig. But the world doesn’t see that. I go to sleep a masculine cis man according to society. Hell, I’m a cis man crossdressing in a wig to my neighborhood Kroger when I groceries. Someone might say that to me as a complement(…)

but hearing things like that nearly drove me to suicide in my teens. I can’t think of a more clear example of the harm in societal gender norms. It is a one-sided word. I walk towards the handle and I am given security. I love being a girly girl and wearing pink and wearing padded bras and a wig because I feel feminine and when I feel feminine I feel like a woman. If I were to take all that sitting at the tip of my sword and walked right towards a trans man what do you(…)

think would happen? It’s a terrible thing! If I waved around my sword out in the open- gave my view of gender and interpreted the identity of gender according to my experiences- what do you think would happen? It’s dangerous! And what I see every day with Harry is a lot of sword waving. Yesterday it was an outright sword fighting! When people were saying what made Harry masculine and feminine the only thing they were doing was promoting every homophobic, mysogynistic and transphobic(…)

and traditional societal standard of gender. Harry’s feminine because of this, followed by a statement that is meant to contrast the previous one regarding why he is masculine because of something else. The excuse is that they’re appreciating how multidimensional he is. But what they do is very blatantly categorize these traits as paradoxical. That there is something about the things being mentioned that are different, complex and unharmonious. And(..)

in a way that is the most harmful they make the implication that this is something he means to be. Harry has made a connection with gender and himself and it’s very simple. Masculinity, femininity, womanhood and manhood. The context has always been lighthearded and it has always been consistent. There is ironically no complexity at all. By simply wearing a leopard print suit he became Shania Twain according to his friends. He thoughtlessly talks about being pregnant without(…)

commenting on his gender or biology. So I find it strange that others try to make him out to be so deeply complex when he talks about himself so bluntly! The only way to speak on gender identity and gender expression is to take cues from the other person and stay true to respecting their identity. This is never seems something that’s given to Harry in the way people talk about him. It is the only way you can refer to someone’s gender identity ever. When he is taken apart(…)

and categorized into what is and is not comparable it directly opposes how he talks about himself. This isn’t something that doesn’t do his character justice or undermines what a complex and multifaceted human being he is. I’m a complex and multifaceted person and I only connect with one gender! I don’t like how this always used as an excuse or even something that comes into question. The only way to talk about gender and everything that falls into it is by mirroring(…)

the comments of the individual and those closest to them who are already doing the same. By not doing that you’re stepping into the minefield that is societal gender norms. It’s no wonder the people at the forefront of yesterday’s discourse were met with an entire onslought of outrage. This is how it will always be and honestly should be. People need to learn compassion and understanding and distance if they are trans or not. The great irony is the fight to establish(…)

Harry’s masculinity and the guilt that is demanded from those who don’t mention it the way they do. Not being masculine is one of the rare things Harry’s been very vocal about. Yesterday’s discussion should’ve never escalated the way it did. This is much bigger than fandom. Because what is shared is what you are being told is oksay by the person. If they compare themselves to women and use female pronouns then take cue. If they says they are not masculine then take cure. If(…)

the person shares with you a comment involving themselves within the gender spectrum then this is the only thing it’s okay to repeat. To speak generally is to place your view of gender onto a queer person who will always be listening and who will always disagree. Reading through some of the things from yesterday broke my heart in two. I don’t ever want to see such reckless comments on gender in a fandom full of so many queer people ever again. Wasn’t the outrage and pain obvious enough? I(…)

just can’t believe it could happen when the person they were arguing about has, to me, been more than clear about how they are comfortable being spoken about in their relationship with gender. If my opinion is of any value to people then I hope they listen and make an effort to at least think about something I said in the giant essay I didn’t meant to send you initially rip I apologize for that Kaleigh! I didn’t mean to send as many messages as I must have after all these hours(…)

I couldn’t help but get this off my chest. At least a trans person has had a say in this in a way outside of yesterday’s debate and maybe people will be more understanding of what really went so wrong yesterday. Anyway thank you so much for giving me this space Kaleigh! I hope I worded myself well enough and didn’t accidentally miss the anon button 😭 Have a lovely day ❤💙💚💛💜

hello darling! thank you for sending this to me because while i know a lot of what was being discussed was making me uncomfortable, i also didn’t feel comfortable speaking on it because i didn’t feel educated enough to do so. i’m sorry people made you uncomfortable and you’re so strong for reaching out to educate people who happen to read this. gender/identity is so personal, and people trying to “disprove” certain aspects of someone’s expression just to fit their personal narrative is so horrible and in no way okay in an lgbtq+ space. i love you a lot and i really really appreciate these messages ❤️