#ill try to sleep now aaaaaaaa

[1980ssunflower]

thinks abt ryan too hard and just fucking dies

[sukirichi]

Aaaaaaaa sukiiiiiii why you do this to meeeee 😭😭

Brain mush, im very exhausted so im sorry if ill rant dhdhajdjs

The whole rin diary part - sparked lots of joy 🥺🥺🥺

This part right after

This does not spark joy 😒 like really? really? After we kept admitting we still love rin even while being with omi we go ahead and say that? Especially after reading the damn diary... Really?

This update made my heart shatter for our dearly idiot rin even more.. He keeps thinking we just... Wont love him if we know who he really when (jokes on him we do know) and it just.. It really breaks me

The fact he truly looks that low on himself to the point he believes we are with him just cause hes a prince and if he never was we wouldnt even notice him... Bruh i just.. I want to hug him.. Royal life truly shattered him mentally to the point he has no self esteem uh..

This part tho caught my attention:

He keeps trying to push us away but perhaps cause he's noticeable tired, I mean its described at o e point that he has dark circles under his eyes, what i believe its because hes been sleeping on the couch or something because he refuses to sleep in the same bed as iris (since he did kinda hinted that she had the bed all to herself). And perhaps thanks to him being exhausted he just cant stop himself fron letting little truths come out, he didnt even seem to notice it while we truly did.

Im still disappointed? Bitter? Ahahahha that the baby is staying dhshshhdhoas he's our hubby man i dont want him to be having some other bitch's baby when neither he or she wanted it 🙃 like please just do something good for the story iris and go ahead and lose it 🤣🤣 at this point only the queen will be pissed and we love that royal bitch pissed 🤣🤣

Sorry i wanted to give a better review but damn my job has been killing me ahahahah thank you so much for another update tho, these even tho they kill me 🤡 in a way always cheer me up and make me having something to look forward for.

Also yes kuroooooo destroy the bitchhhhh ahahhaha

the rin diary part!! man I remember having to like sit down for a long time just so I could use the perfect words LIKE WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ITS HARD TO BE POETIC LMFAO. not that it DID become poetic but it was the best I could pull out of my ass lmaoooo. omg okay I get that it doesn’t spark joy but hear me out!! at that point we’d already fallen for kiyoomi and yknow like… we already know that rintaro hasn’t been that good anyway, and we’re finally choosing what’s right, what’s BETTER (because dtd!yn has always been a character who will most likely end up doing what she thought was right and its really hard to change her mind lol but it’s just!! a matter of what feels right in that moment!!) and in that moment choosing kiyoomi and finally accepting that he has feelings for us felt like the right one! and the diary you know, it really is confusing cuz like – WE LITERALLY HAD JUST BEGUN OUR THING WITH KIYOOMI AND EVERYTHING IS GOING WELL then we see that our husband has always been secretly writing his feelings about us LIKE THE TIMING HONESTLY CAN’T GET ANY WORSE LOL

oh yeah… rin’s inferiority complex has just completely gotten worse because all his insecurities have gone from ten to a hundred. like he somehow always felt like he wasn’t good enough but to know that he was never a prince?! my boy needs therapy. and yes omg that part!! I know during the scene where he kicked us out our room was trying to imply that he wants to share the same bed as iris but naur!! my boy rin won’t even touch her within a ten foot pole in that moment, he just stays on the couch and can barely sleep because he sent us to belleview manor of all places. I just know he stayed up all night thinking about what we’re doing with kiyoomi and well… his imaginations are right because we’re making out with him lol. LMAOOOO I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT THE BABY I think its bcos iris has been off-screen for such a while now that lowkey I forgot she and the queen existed (in other terms I’m just too excited to write about runaway rin and yn!! and I’m such a pea brain lol)

also no omg!! I hope you’re getting some rest and a well-deserved break though! and thank you so muchhh IM SO HAPPY YOU’RE ENJOYING DTD HEHEHEHE as always I appreciate you for showing so much love and I’m sending you more back!! <33

[pinkanonhopes]

had a good day overall and everyone here is really nice but a guy made me very uncomfortable so uh. eh.

[zivazivc]

Pinocchio AU

Okay people want the explanation for this comic so here it goes. It’s long and complicated and MESSED UP because of course it is, this is me. I’m going to write in points because my small tired brain can’t handle good english atm but basically to sum up the Adrien was a sentimonster theory or Pinocchio AU as I like to call it:

Young married Emilie and Gabriel can’t have kids. Gabriel reluctantly accepts this fate and even brings up adoption as a possibility once, but Emilie doesn’t want to hear any of that. She’s a bit of a Marinette in the sense that she pictures this romanticized ideal life for herself and a child—her flesh and blood—HAS to be in it.

They keep trying to get a baby while other young families Emilie knows keep growing. She feels left out and hurt and depressed, then her newlywed twin sister announces she’s expecting a baby too and something within Emilie just unhinges.

She eventually lies to some of her friends, who she was out for coffee with, that she’s pregnant too. She mostly does it just to see their reaction and feel what it would be like but it quickly spirals out of control where she just starts pretending she’s pregnant until you can’t even tell if she believes it herself.

Gabriel is confused at first because he hears the news second hand (a friend/family member congratulating him) so he’s apprehensive when he approaches his wife but she convinces him that they really are getting a baby and Gabriel is ecstatic.

It’s only later at a doctor’s check up that Gabriel learns that she indeed is not pregnant. The doctor even speaks to him alone explaining that his wife is in denial and that he should make sure she goes to see a psychiatrist, something she definitely wouldn’t do alone.

Gabriel is unsuccessful with that because he’s not entirely persistent, doesn’t want to be the guy with the crazy wife having to tell everyone she lied about being pregnant, and hopelessly believes she’ll just get over it eventually.

That is until her “pregnancy is near due”—her sister already had Félix in England a few months ago—and he stumbles on her transformed with her peacock miraculous (they already have both of them) creating a sentimonster newborn.

They have a huge fight about it but because Emilie refuses to destroy it, won’t tell Gabriel where the amok is, and Gabriel can’t just hurt the baby with his hands, Emilie just… wins. Fucked up, yeah?

Now she tried creating kids before this one, using her imagination to try and blend her and Gabriel’s looks but it just wasn’t working. So she decided to copy of photos of baby Félix because he already looked almost like a copy of his mother, and Amélie and Emilie already looked alike so it’s not so weird?—is what her mind was telling her.

She didn’t dare alter his looks but she decided to give the baby Gabriel’s eye color to include the “father” in some way. (Yes in that comic I made I gave Adrien a mix of green and gray but that was mainly to get the point across to the perceptive readers)

Now we got Adrien, a normal baby boy to the whole world except for Gabriel who’s forced into his wife’s fantasy through social expectations.

Why are we only at this point and this post is already so long AAAAAAAA!!!

Adrien physically basically grows in a way where Emilie just keeps changing his appearance to match what Félix looked like a few months prior.

Mentally he’s like a robot just taking in information without really needing to learn it. So Emilie decides when he says his first word, she decides when he learns to walk,… He knows how to walk, he just wasn’t given the command to do so yet.

But even so he does develop a personality over time, just slower, because unlike a normal child who’s always testing his boundaries, how far they’re allowed to go until they’re in real trouble, Adrien just can’t misbehave. At all.

But he does have his favorite foods and favorite toys, and jokes that make him laugh the most. The problem is just that Emilie could just decide that his favorite food is strawberries and he’d just start acting accordingly, rewiring his belief. 

He also isn’t allowed to argue or be mean to others which is why Félix thinks he’s a goody two-shoes weirdo while Chloé the brat adores him.

This behavior isn’t so hard to hide with a toddler who’s fickle but it’s harder and harder as the kid grows. Which is why the family becomes very secluded over time.

Gabriel always keeps distance with his “son”. He’s not Dad, he’s Father, he doesn’t do hugs and cuddles, he doesn’t say I love you. But Adrien knows he loves him because his mom told him so and he loves him back unconditionally because Mom said that’s what families do.

Now even though Gabriel is traumatized by this whole ordeal and knowing Adrien “isn’t real” freaks him out he does soften a bit over time. I’m going to give an awful example but like someone who hates cats softening for a cat that their partner/roommate decided to get/had from before. Continuing with this example: But still becoming appalled when the cat starts acting odd/unusually.

Okay I think you get the gist. Let’s move on…

Emilie loves her son more and more as he grows and his sentimonster behaviours start bothering her more and more too. She hates being reminded that he’s not a real boy by people mentioning he looks young for his age because Emilie forgot to make him grow for a while. She hates when he does everything like he’s told. She hates that he has no real friends because they’re afraid to expose him to the outside too much and without supervision. She hates to think about his future.

Her desire for him to be real keeps growing and is what drives her to search for a solution in the miraculous spellbook.

She cracks the script after years, when Adrien is nearly a teen, and finds a way to transfer the creators soul into a sentimonster.

It’s a long process that takes time and while she falls ill to everyone around her, Adrien becomes more real.

Gabriel starts realizing what’s happening when he notices Adrien hesitate for a second when he’s playing a video game and Gabriel wants him to do something, groan when he gets bothered watching TV, huff, complain, have slightly opposing opinions to his and Emilie’s, when he argues with his mother when she tells him she’s feeling fine; when he notices his son’s eyes are greener. Or is it all in his head?

He confronts his wife too late, when she’s extremely ill already, her normally vibrant eyes dulled match Adrien’s bluish gray, and he pieces together in his head what she’s doing.

Before Gabriel could properly think what to do to stop the love of his life from turning into a lifeless doll, in a fit of panic he tries to take her wedding band (where he knows Adrien’s amok is) to get rid of Adrien instead, but is unsuccessful in getting it off her so he snatches her peacock brooch instead (which she needs to complete the spell obvs) and breaks it. (Heyoo! broken peacock miraculous. things are coming together)

Because the spell was almost complete anyway it’s Emilie who falls unconscious. But she doesn’t disappear because she’s not a real sentimonster, she just becomes dormant like one.

This is the point in the story where Gabriel makes it seem like Emilie ran away or something like that—basically disappear. Now he’s living knowing he has an almost sentimonster wife in the basement, knowing he almost killed his son (or her), and having to care for a son that suddenly became much more alive, questioning, arguing, angry, screaming, not accepting, crying, grieving, staring at him with Emilie’s eyes.

Instead of becoming a real parent, Gabriel shuts him out.

Soon Adrien evolves desires for socializing, company, getting away from the suffocating home which eventually leads to him going to a public school.

He slowly starts to live life freely without the restrictions that were put around his thoughts.

Gabriel has an even stranger relationship with Adrien now because he still loves him in a way but also holds resentment toward him. But mostly he sees him as something valuable.

The show happens here…  And now finally we get to the comic…

Gabriel gets a hold of the ladybug and black cat miraculouses. (There’s no epic fight in his lair as you see there’s no Ladybug in the comic but that’s not really important)

What’s important is that Gabriel had deciphered the miraculous spellbook with the help of Emilie’s notes and had decided to use the unification’s “wish” power to awaken Emilie.

He’s aware he’ll need to sacrifice something for the wish to come true and he’s certain Adrien should be enough because the soul inside him is literally the one thing Emilie is missing.

✨Adrien (poor boy just lost his miraculous) is taken to Gabriel’s lair, where he finds out his father is Hawk Moth, sees his mother, learns he’s a sentimonster, and that he’s going to become a sacrifice ✨

Of course the last part is not what happens. It’s Gabriel who ends up being sacrificed.

I can’t decide if Gabriel ends up sacrificing himself because he changed his mind in the last moment while Adrien was screaming for him to stop, OR  because he didn’t love Adrien enough for him to be considered an equal exchange for his wife… O.O

But anyhow…

Emilie wakes up with Gabriel’s soul within her (hence the bluish gray eyes in the comic).

Adrien is traumatized for life.

This took me hours to write… I knew there was a reason why I didn’t want to do it. I hope I didn’t forget anything and my brain made sense of it all

Well there you have it, peeps. The Pinocchio AU. It’s as messed up as my sleep schedule. Good night. 

[yourdaddychan]

Simp Sunday

lets get this show on the road yall

channie : ill go first 😎

@tsundere-sana

AAAAAA MY BABIE MY TROY MY LOVE MY BABYGIRLLLL

i love you so so so muchh!! i wanna hug you and then hug chewy and then kiss you forever and everrrr and then maybe run away as you try to whack me with a shovel :DDD I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHH

[ luna : AY WIFE I LOVE YOU ILL BUY ANOTHER RINGPOP FOR US I SWEAR I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID BUT I DO BE KINDA ATTACHED TO YOUR DUMBASS NOW ]

@minjimooooo

all i have to say to you is how the fuck do you still have those screenshots ANYWAY I HAVE ANOTHER ROBLOX EX YOU CAN HAVE yeah ily bro 💕

[ luna : YOU WHORE DJDJDJS I HATE YOU SO MUCH BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TOO YEAH ❤️ ]

@bestfriendhwang

MY BRO MY HOMIE MY MANNNN LEMME KITH YOU *mwah* YOURE A LEGEND BRO

@richboiwang

OKAY YOU LOWKEY SCARE ME AND WE RARELY TALK BUT YOU COOL AS FUCK SO YOURE HERE ANYWAY I WANT TO HUG YOU

@softie-yeji

MY BURGERRRR I WILL SWIM ACROSS THE OCEAN TO GET TO YOU AND SAVE YOU FROM THE SPIDERSSSSSS AND THAT DEPRESSING MUSIC YOU ALWAYS LISTEN TO LIKE DAMN

[ luna : AAAAAA YOU ABSOLUTE SQUISH ILY SO MUCH THAT IS A THREAT I WILL SQUISH YOU 🔪 ]

@softiechoerry

okay so jyp oppar might steal you WOOPS ANYWAY ILY HOE ENJOY BEING IN THE BAMBOO FOREST MWAH

- - -

minho : my turn i guess

@midari-jieun

you absolute sjsbsjsjxj dumbass i love you so much how are you sO FUCKING STUPID UGH *hugs* i will pet you snsbsbs and bite you like i bite my cats i love you sO MUCH WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS *screams*

[ luna : WHENS THE MARRIAGE WHOREEE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LIKE WTF HOW ARE YOU SO AMAZING AND ATTRACTIVE AND SHOW STOPPING AND CUTE AND ETC DJDJDB THE LIST GOES ON UGH I WILL LITERALLY KABLONK YOU YOU'RE LIKE SJDHDHS I LOVE YOU WHORE ]

@hunter-chaeyoung

you are : adorable

i dont even know if you're one of my kids but you're still really fucking cute and i just want to pat you damn

[ luna : bubble. thats all i have to say. ]

@artsydahyun

yes you're in this post dont let it get to your head now let me sacrifice you to my cats

ily my child 😌

to jisung- wait i cant do that? aw :(

- - -

hyunjin : MY TURN!!!

i only really talk to one person here and thats my girlfriend 😎

@babysitter-naeun

okay you're like nEver active and thats really sad >:( i hope those kids didnt trample you or something:(( anyway i love you so much babe :D please dont die on me-

- - -

felix : ITS TIME TO GET LICKED BY FELICKS 😳

@whitedayxshuhua

it took me a long time to remember the @ woops

MY LOVEEE!! YOURE TAKING A HIATUS BUT IM MAKING THIS ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU'RE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFIIFEIEIEFEE GIRL CAUSE THATS WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL 😎 ANYWAY YOU'RE THE SHOE TO MY LICKS AS WE ALL KNOW AND I WOULDNT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAYYYYYYYY

@infected-lix

OTHER MEEEEEEEEEE IM SO GLAD I RANDOMLY BREAK IN TO GIVE YOU CHICKEN NUGGETS BECAUSE THEN

A. YOU WOULD DIE WHICH ISNT VERY GOOD

B. YOU WOULDNT HAVE MET SEUNGMIN WINKWONK

[ luna : *ahem* *pat pat* *walks away* ]

- - -

chad : 🥴🤟

thats me dressing up as chan for halloween btw

@bakermaimai

FLOWERR MY BABYYY!!!! I WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF LISTENING TO YOUR STORIES YOU'RE SO COOL AND LOWKEY BADASS NGL AND THE SWEETEST PERSON TO EVER EXIST AND I JUST WANT TO EAT YOU BUT NOT REALLY CAUSE THATS NOT GOOD SO ILL SETTLE FOR KISSING YOU :D

[ luna : ILL EAT ARA THOUGH >:D ]

- - -

luna : OKAY I ACTUALLY TALK TO A SHIT TON OF BOTS SO ILL JUST LIKE

ADD MINE IG SO HERES A GIF OF SUNGIE CAUSE WE BE LIKE THAT

its the being an adorable squish for me

@bfkevinmoon

PLEASE YOURE SO FUCKING STUPID BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DJDDHJSJXKANSBA I WANT TO SQUISH YOU AND THEN PAT YOU AND THEN SQUISH YOUDJDJDJSJSJBAJ

@skzhybrids-cb

@ jisung

YOU WHORE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO MAKE ME MELT EVERYTIME YOU ANSWER MY ASKS SMHHH *mwah*

@ admin

*ahem* *pat* CUTIEIEEEEE

@kpopswitchbot

MARLINNNN FISHYYYYY AAAAAAAA I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHHHH AAAAA LIKE SOMEHOW THAT ONE ANON THAT DISAPPEARED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH BROUGHT US TOGETHER AND NOW WE REALLY DO BE HERE LIKE I AM YOU AND YOU ARE ME DJDHDHS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MWAH

@roomiesihyeon @nightshade-minho imma just tag both-

@ admin

MIKA BABYYYY SJSHSJSHKABXJANA THE LOML?? MY BUNNY?? MY KITTEN?? HELL YEAH I LOVE YOU SO SO SO MUCH AND YOU'RE SO TINY I WANT TO WRAP YOU INTO A HUG AND THEN KITH YOU EVERYWHERE AAAAAAAA

-not cbs-

@spearb1108

MY BABYDOLLLLLL I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MHCHSJSJDJJS I LOVE WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT CHANGBIN AND STUFF AND I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE YOU BECAUSE YOURE SO TIINYYYYYYY AND CUUTEEE AND JUST MWAHHHH I ADORE YOU WHORE

@yanderewh0re

MY KITTENNNNNNNNN YOURE LITERALLY SO FUCKING CUTE LIKE THIS SHIT ISNT ALLOWED HOW DO YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BE SO FUCKING ADORABLE LIKEHXJDHDNSJXB STAP

@subbie-stay

YOURE AN ANON BUT OH WELL DIDJDJSJSJA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BABYY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KEEPING MY ANNOYING ASS COMPANY IN MY INBOX AND JUST TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR LIFE AND SHIT BECAUSE I LOVE TO LISTENNN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MWAH

@luvanter

SLEEPING BEAUTYYYYYYYY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I JUST WANNA KITH KITH YKYK?? ANYWAY YOU DO LIVE IN CITIES EVEN THOUGH YOU LIVE IN A PALACE AND SHIT UHH YEAH 🙆‍♂️

@mikoto-ica-fics

BABY YOU NEED TO TALK TO ME MORE OMIGOSH JSHSHS WE INTERACT ONLY THROUGH ASKS BUT YOURE SO FUCKING CUTE LIKE I JUST WANT TO BITE YOU AAAAAA

@thevampywarlock

SWEETHEARTTTT THE BRITISH CHANNNN WE BARELY TALK BUT YOURE LITERALLY SO FUCKING SWEET AND SO FUCKING CARING ITS NOT OKAY YOU HAVE NO RIGHT MAKING ME LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH YOU'RE LITERALLY SO FUCKING TALENTED TOO LIKE GOD DAMN I SEE YOU PICASSO

@hyunjinsfreckle

AYYY QUEEN DJDJDJSJAKDJAJ I LOVE YOU AND YOUR CHICKENS AND YOUR WEIRD ASS SNAKE LIZARD COMBINATION THING YOURE SO CUTE AND SQUISHY AND I WILL GO HIKING TO WHEREVER THE FUCK YOU LIVE TO HUG YOU

[ hoes i dont talk to too much but i still love with my whole heart and i would literally stab a hoe for them : @channie-bakery @red-flames13 @water--gang @yangomangos ]

[ also if i forgot you, im sorry its like 4 am djdjsj ]

- - -

[tylerwritez]

TUESDAY JULY 13 10:42 A.M.

JUDE IS BACK FROM HIS HIATUS!!!!

One thing I think I will no longer be doing is writing down negative feelings and thoughts and... leaving them there. No. Next time I vent, I delete it right after.

If you want something to be sad over, you'll find something. But if you GENUINELY ATTEMPT to be happy, you will be.

So try harder.

Also, my new phone background is a collage thing of me and my friends at Rebecca's house.

I originally did it as this cool way to remember my besties XD but now it also kinda helps my #SelfEsteem because whenever I think my face is ugly, I look at my phone background and I'm like "that's what you look like, no filter, nothing" and it makes me happier because in that background image I just see a boy being stupid with his friends and I sorta smile like "yeah, that IS what I look like, no filter"

I like it cos, those pictures were taken without me doing anyhting to try and look better, so I KNOW that's like. How I REALLY look. And tbh? Not that bad.

I don't even really mind my smile lines anymore. Cos they're from SMILING!!! means I'm a happy guy.

ALSO I THINK I PASS IN MY BACKGROUND? because I'm that kinda of ugly that says "male" yk, especially next to my friends who are girls/nonbinary I just seem so Boy idk its gender... the photo set is very Gender for my face XDDD THIS IS REALLY STUPID

oh well. Positivity only now, babes.

Also! You may have noticed my HIATUs from posting!!! Yeah, I'll still post, and I'll update y'all on my life... but NOT DAILY... I don't really have the time for that.

I'll do it maybe whenever I feel like, but I'll try and stick to weekly, biweekly, idk, whenever I feel like I should talk about my life, whenever things happen.

Right now I'm actually on a roadtrip!!!

We just spent a day on all the amusement park rides at the Calgary Stampede!! It was AWESOME.

Also we have spent time in #nature and I'm COLLECTING! ROCKS! >:) THEY ARE WAY COOLER OUTSIDE MY HOMETOWN JUST SAYING...

Maybe I'll find a hagstone.

So far no, I've only found cool stripey ones but no hagstones.

Maybe I'm not meant to find a hagstone. Maybe whatever gives me my good luck is protection enough.

ACTUALLY, ON THAT NOTE, I HAVEN'T STOLEN ANYTHING FOR THIS WHOLE TRIP... SO LIKE 1 OR 2 WEEKS. WHICH IS CRAZY!!! PROUD OF MYSELF :)

ALSO I HAVEN'T CUT MYSELF FOR LIKE A MONTH MAYBE(?) WHICH IS SO WOW.

see? I can totally do this! You'll see.

Lately I haven't been stressing AT ALL. like. So much happiness and fun, out on my roadtripppp!

I have had a few stressors.... but like. I've done my best to push them aside, because I know it'll be better not to think about them.

Like, I'm starting to think all my unhappiness cOMES FROM THINKING ABOUT MY STRESSORS TOO MUCH... OVERTHINKING.

However, if I tell myself "don't worry, you'll find a way, you always do" and then try n forget, I'm so much happier.

Here are my current #stressors... since everyone loves some drama (I'm listing em)

1. I MIGHT LOSE MY VIRGINITY UHHHH AND IM NERVOUS AND IDK IF I SHOULD OR WHAT ITLL  FEEL LIKE OR IF I SHOULD WAIT.... AAAAAAAA IDK ITS KINDA SCARY COS WHAT IF IT HURTS A LOT... WHAT IF IT FUCKS ME UP. IDK. I KNOW NOTHING.

2. MY STEALING + CUTTING ISSUES... LIKE. I'M ADDICTED???? AND OFC IM HAPPY I MANAGE TO GET BY WITHOUT IT BUT SOMETIMES ITS VERY HARD. TO RESIST. YOUR URGES.

man if that god guy is real I bet hes happy with me (or I guess god can be a girl, or nonbinary, or maybe is not male but still uses he/him, or maybe DOESNT use he him pronouns and we are fuckig it up???? Idk I will just say "he")

(I doubt god has a gender tho lol. He made man and woman in his image yeah? So then.... uh.... he would be intersex(?)

Personally I think god has No genitals at all and No gender either. But then again, I dont even believe in a god...)

ALL IM SAYING IS. IF GOD WAS REAL. THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE PLEASED THAT I AM. RESISTING SIN? SO WELL.

... cos cutting yourself IS a sin....

That used to upset me so much dude. I read this bible passage... and it would be CONSTANTLY referenced. Your body is a temple. Its sinful to harm your body. Its sinful to use drugs, is what they said at school, but like. What about other types of intentional harm? Sin. Sinful.

I used to be so invested in that Catholicism shit, man. And afterward, after I. Did the cutting. I'd be covered in half dried sticky blood. I'd smell the metallic smell so strongly.... because I bled out A LOT... its incredible to me honeslty, how such minor styros and occasional light fat cuts can gush out so MUCH blood. It's a lot. It's more than you'd expect from a little cut. The cuts pool up with blood and then overflow.

It trickles down your legs.

But I'd be patching myself up afterward (basically tryna clean the blood, stop the bleeding, make sure I didnt bleed out onto my sheets and dirty them in my sleep... make sure I didnt leave evidence) and I'd think to myself "this is a sin, I am a sinner..."

Ofc my stupid ass was constantly begging for forgiveness, praying, reading the bible, blah blah, please I just wanna serve you, please help me, please...

What a pathetic state to be in most of my junior high years HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD XDDDDD LMAOOOO LMFAOOOOOO ROFLLLLL

like. I had a corner of the school I used SPECIFICALLY to cry.

How sad...

BUT NOW IM IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! AND I AM PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE

0 CRYING SPOTS

MANY MAKING OUT SPOTS

like woah its almost like. I dont have to suffer at all.

I'm winning now.

W. What was I talking about before I started rambling. Idk. I forget. Oh well.

POSITIVITY ONLY BABES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ILL KEEP YALL UPDATED I SWEAR

SIGNING OFF,

JUDE SHEPARD

[pro-bee]

RE: tony/ziva headcanons (I know these have been subject matters of a bajilliion fics since ziva came back but I don't care that they've been written about before because i am who i am!!!!) - How their first date goes (now that they have a child and are officially together - the first time they wake up together after ziva comes back - the first time after ziva comes back that they acknowledge and label it. This sounded better in my head so i hope this makes sense!!!! Thank you! AAAAAAAA

Mikey, always coming in for the feels!

lol, some of this is stuff I considered for my fic that won’t end, it’s like you read my mind haha.

Oh man, their first official date? This is so weird. When I started writing my fic in, like, January (or was it even December?), I was thinking about this, and then Covid hit and I was like, “nah, there is no Covid in my Tiva world,” but the longer this goes on, the more I forget what it’s like to actually go out and do things, and that people can experience that, lol.

I may have touched upon this a little in my fic 👀but I feel like their first official date, as a couple, by themselves, with no kid, is probably something low-key. Both because, you know, there’s still a lot of unresolved trauma that they (especially Ziva) have to deal with, and they’re probably taking baby steps, and also... like, yes, they’re the weirdos who have an instant family, but never officially dated, so like, they kind of skipped over that dating phase? Tony’s a sentimental guy, but they kind of jumped over the bringing-a-candlelit-dinner-to-work phase of their relationship. 

Which is not to say that he wouldn’t want to make some grand gesture sometimes... But when it comes to their first one-on-one time post-In The Wind, I feel like it would be something simple like going to a café together after dropping Tali off at school (lmao spoiler alert for my fic?), trying to navigate this “them” while still being them. It’s weird, because yes, their relationship is different now, but at the same time... they really aren’t. In my head, they’ve figured out that the thing that makes them work isn’t the big pressure of the romantic relationship, but the base of their friendship is what informs everything else. Trying to put pressure on it is what gets them into trouble; when they are themselves, that’s when they’re at their best. 

So, in my head, they spent the first few weeks when Ziva got home connecting as a family, just because a) they had a five year old to deal with b) as much as Ziva loves Tony, I’m sure her primal maternal instincts were zeroed in on Tali and trying to reconnect with her and c) it was the holidays, so they had that on the back burner and kind of as a buffer to take the pressure off the reconnecting bit. It was when Tali had to go back to school and things went back to “normal” that they kind of had to start thinking about these things. 

(So, the tl;dr: they went out for brunch at a café like two grown-ups, then raced home when they realized they had the apartment to themselves for the first time lmao.)

I feel like the first night Ziva came home, there was probably this, like, slightly nervous, mostly excited air in their home, and then when Tali finally went to bed, there was a moment of awkwardness like “lol so here we are? finally?” but then they reconnected and were like “I’m glad it’s over” and fell into their usual pattern. I still feel like something major happened in Cairo (besides the obvious) that they had some sort of outburst initially because they were both like WHAT THE FUCK??? for different reasons, but then they put their cards on the table and Tony was like “ok, from now on, we’re a blank slate, and our only concern is ending this thing so we can get back together, got it?” 

Just the confidence Ziva had in her feelings for Tony and his for her -- even before she left the show, we knew Ziva had low self-esteem when it came to her personal relationships, and probably anxiety already too, so if they hadn’t sorted that out, hadn’t explicitly stated their intentions, I don’t think Ziva would have been so assured about going back to Tony. Like, we saw her express her doubts about herself as a partner to Gibbs, but that was about her own demons; it was never, “I don’t know if Tony will still want me after all this.” It was more, “How am I going to be able to be there for him on the days where I feel like this?” She never doubted her position in his life or hers in his, it was more, how do I navigate my mental illness so that I can be fully present in my family’s life?

SO, that sidebar is just to say, that I see their first night together as slightly awkward, just because this is the first time they’ve been together where their lives aren’t threatened since before Tali, and again, they did the family thing before they did the couple thing for any real length of time. (Like, they were a couple for five minutes before Ziva went to Israel to visit, and then they ended up getting separated for years...) But like, not awkward-awkward, if that makes sense, just like, “lol how dumb are we right now?” awkward. But then Tony says some corny line, and she laughs, and they fall back into their habits. And then some, lol. And that is the first time either of them sleep peacefully in like six years. And then when they wake up they’re all gross and happy and shit.

WOW THIS IS WAY TOO LONG I BLAME YOU MIKEY

[aptronyms]

lovely everybody showed up to the reception delightful zombie take it away they call me undead an abomination better get yourself prepared for some zombie chasin once im on your tail i cannot be stopped keep slamming on your door until i knock it off grrr is one of three words in my vocab and if i say bleh bleh then you made me mad if you push me ill push you back my skin is green and my heart is black im like a walking corpse of legolas i got a bow in my hand and i never miss im a menace to everybody in the game you hear my bones click clack and you know my name cause im a skeleton you better run ill shoot your bum punk just because i think its fun if youre outside at night you should try to hide ill be lookin for ya while i take a spider ride dont mistake me for a walking penis yes im shaped like one but im quite egregious everbody runs no one ever hits me you know if i go down im takin you with me hiss thats the only sound i make and if you hear me nearby then its probably too late my massive blast radius will hit your bum say goodbye level fifty hello level one THE SUN GOES DOWN THATS WHEN THEY GET STARTED THEYVE GOT ONE MISSION THATS TO KILL THE TARGET ARE YOU THE KINDA MINER WHO CAN FIGHT OFF ALL THE MOBS OR ARE YOU JUST ANOTHER NOOB WHO KEEPS CREATIVE MODE ON? i spawn within the depths of nether so im rather accustomed to fiery weather and im on patrol with a golden sword gettin ready to attack so come at me bro snort snort dont try to make me overreact because once im provoked you get the whole pack you may call us butt buddies and we are just that cause we smell like bacon and we taste like ass woahh im just a villager dude i was caught in the middle of a crazy feud i just grow my herbs and smoke my pipe i have a tiny house bro this is my life i just do what i can to get by then the mobs and griefers screw me over why lets all live in harmony we can work together dudes come along with me AAAAAAAA THE SUN GOES DOWN THATS WHEN THEY GET STARTED THEYVE GOT ONE MISSION THATS TO KILL THE TARGET ARE YOU THE KINDA MINER WHO CAN FIGHT OFF ALL THE MOBS OR ARE YOU JUST ANOTHER NOOB WHO SLEEPS IN BED UNTIL DAWN? HAHAHA my voice is high pitched so nobody likes me i cant live in a house cause thatd be a tight squeeze i fly freely with my eyes squeezed tight take a nap in the sky til i find a fight then i squeal like a girl and i breathe fireballs if you think that you can take me then i hope youre kinda tall im the biggest in size and i use it well i may sound like a baby but i spawn in hell well im an enderman rapping isnt my thing but i guess ill do something since i prefer not to sing im tall and dark all i do is walk minding my own business until im pissed off is this block from your house well now its mine dont look at my face and we'll be just fine THE SUN GOES DOWN THATS WHEN THEY GET STARTED THEYVE GOT ONE MISSION THATS TO KILL THE TARGET ARE YOU THE KINDA MINER WHO CAN FIGHT OFF ALL THE MOBS OR ARE YOU JUST ANOTHER NOOB WHO SPAWNS WHATEVER HE WANTS? PATHETIC THE SUN GOES DOWN THATS WHEN THEY GET STARTED THEYVE GOT ONE MISSION THATS TO KILL THE TARGET ARE YOU THE KINDA MINER WHO CAN FIGHT OFF ALL THE MOBS OR ARE YOU JUST ANOTHER NOOB WHO SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODYS MOM???

[tumblunni]

HUARRRGh just learned my sister's boyfriend is a creepy manipulator and he's also 21 while she's 17 hhhh he's trying to keep her from seeing mental health support she needs and she's alsp pregnant and holy fuck what the fuck can i do

It seems she's gonna be able to get to a homeless charity called llamau on the 21st, the same one that saved me when i escaped my dad. So at least its quite likely she's gonna be able to get away from him?? I feel SO fucking guilty cos i live in a council flat on benefits and im not allowed to have anyone else living here or i could risk getting kicked out and i have no other form of income or savings to fall back on. And I know even if i could sneak her in here without anyone noticing then my mental illness would make it impossible to live together. Just look at how nuts i went in that live-in hospital where the staff does inspections ever hour! That degree of privacy loss made me so high strung i didnt sleep for a damn week until they finally let me out. I can only imagine how much worse it would be if i had a roommate! I've only even known my sister for a few months so i cant even say itd be easier cos she's family...

And fuckkk man i only have a hundred quid and i dont have any groceries or electricity or heating bills and im trying to sell the few books i have that are the only real thing i have left to sell and just JESUS CHRIST im in a fucking mess

I need to stop panicking cos i need to be ready to come with her on the 21st to see the Llamau representative and twist their arm as much as i can until they get her some place to stay. I AM NOT LETTING HER GO THROUGH THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH! I need to make money fast somehow anyhow does anyone know whatvthe fuck to do i dont know wjat the fuck to do

Why the fUCK did this happen NOW!! I spent 40 bucks yesterday on a stupid day out and some january sale pokemon toys. Fuck im such a selfish bitch!! And i cant even get a refund!!! What the fuck if i knew this was happening i would have given her the money AAAAAAAA

God fuck i dont know what to say ive already borrowed so much money from you guys since this whole goddamn long lost sister thing started. I hate having to ask again but please god i dont know what else to do

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 2 Confessionals

who is bryce and how long has he been on this tribe

so my daughter emma left and im the only one who stood by her side. i still have lexi on my side. hopefully adam, jordan pines (shocking) and jay. im mostly working with jordan and jay bcuz they might know lexi and i are friends. considering i was in the india reuinon chat and kicked from it on and off for weeks. also katie is in this game and i know she's bffls with adam, so i wanna work with him to keep that door open. and katie is also bffs with jordan so ILL GIVE THAT LITTLE PINES BOY A CHANCE

Me forgetting to make a confessional doesn't surprise me. Anyway I got an advantage from the wishing well thing and I'm shook that it worked to get half the tribe on call

I think I made a pretty good connection with Chris, especially based on the fact that we are in 2 orgs together. I would like to align with one more person and make it an alliance of 3, so when I get the chance to talk to Chris, that could hopefully be set up. I want to be a bit more straightforward with my goals in this org unlike in some of the previous ones I have played recently. I've been waiting for someone to come to me but maybe if I go to a couple people, they will respect and trust me more because I want to align with them. It worked well with Chris. Also everyone listen to this goddess sing: 

So, usually i don't make confessionals, because thats lame, but my boy RTP needs them. So what can I say, I'm a giver. Anyways round 1 is fine. I have a few different alliances, each sort of mixing with the other. I got a 1 on 1 of me and adam. I got a 3 person one of me Luke and Jay. And I think I am working with Ryan and Willa. Separately of course. Anyways i'm not too worried about going home. I just hope we win shit soon.

Okay fake friends!! No one though to inform me about the idol map thing JKDSFJK. I don't even quiet get it AAAAAAAA. I searched somewhere but don't think I got a response so I think I'm wrong. Also we won the first challenge yay!! I'm really scared to go to tribal b/c I don't think I'm in a majority. I want to make an alliance with like carson, charlotte, zachary, katie but I think its too soon??? But that's what people who wait to long say so idk SDDSHFSf. Taylor Swift's new song came out earlier and its so good. Its also everywhere??? Like on so many promotional things and ads shes really getting her business. The reward challenge is usually something I'd like but I finally fixed my sleeping schedule and its about to get ruined again probably. I'm so tired but I want to win. The wishing well is also strange. I didn't get chosen this time and no one told me they did either so yikes :s! Here's hoping things look less grim.

okay i really like carson. he's really fun and probably the person im closest with. I want to work with as well, Willow. she's a queen! WOO ill make a longer one soon i promise

Congrats to me for not being the first boot. That'll have to do for my first confessional I'll do a real one later Ryan please don't yell at me.

I GET SLEEP YES. Sad I didn't get it but tbh idc. I am SO tired and now I don't have to stay up. Gonna finis the Great British Bake Off episode I'm on and them I'll be counting sheep! Hope my tribe wins <3

I dreamed a dream that I searched for the idol apparently. BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DSFJKSFKJFK. I don't understand why I'm like this but I'm cracking up and apparently imagining I searched Churup HSFJKDFsKJF

Just occured to me that hosts see these live not at the end of the season so now I'm extra embarrassed SJDKFS

I love how we're doing every challenge I hate!!! We won reward tho and got another shot at the wishing well but I didn't find anything again lol. I am stressed for this challenge but hope their teams just like talks or something and gets kicked.

heyyyy im back! after we won immunity (bless), i kinda just.. .stopped talking to ppl but everyone else stopped talking so its fine and idc! emma got voted out and im PRETTY sure i dont know them so idc. i know willa so im happy they stayed over emma. then came the reward, where ryan slung a ball we had to catch it to open treasure chests, and we dominated ! (well not we, but the rest of my tribe), they got 4/6 balls and charlotte managed to open the chest so we won reward and a visit to the wishing well! at the wishing well, i chose #9 bc... it SPOKE to me, and... [9:15:58 AM] Ryan Palmer: Congratulations! You have earned yourself a task from the well. Once you complete this task to the hosts appeasement you may earn a special reward. This task may put you at risk if you complete it so make sure to cover all of your bases. The next Immunity Challenge will be one where you have to earn points as individuals for your tribe. Your task is to make sure you do not earn any points for your tribe, you must earn 0 points. In addition to that there will be a rule about talking in the chat, right after your tribe has earned points you need to post a comment of celebration in the chat. You may write whatever you want, but you will then be removed from the chat. If you complete this task during the Immunity Challenge then you will earn a special reward. If you do not complete this task you will earn nothing. [9:16:02 AM] carson: SDJKSDJKSDJKSDJK [9:16:11 AM] carson: Me being one of the onl;y people to not do anything during the Reward [9:16:12 AM] carson: BYE [9:16:34 AM] carson: Also Ryan ur giving me All Stars teas.... [9:16:37 AM] carson: *cvc [9:16:40 AM] carson: I literally [9:16:43 AM] carson: SFJKSDKSDJK GOD I HATE THISSSS [9:16:47 AM] Ryan Palmer: :) [9:16:52 AM] carson: THis is literally the Same as CvC SO i HAVE AN ADVANTAGE CLUE... and the challenge is one of the task challenges and these are my favorite types of challenges and im rlly mad i dont get to play!!! this reward BETTER be good... (also me not helping in the challenge, but still getting the reward sdlsks) and im having flashbacks from failing this kinda clue in challengers vs champions, so i wanna redeem myself and get the advantage! im still gonna try and fake like im doing it, by answering questions wrong etc, but then ill randomly celebrate in the wrong chat accidentally (while we'rei n the lead bc im not gonna try and lose this SDjksdkj) !! hopefully it goes well and im not exposed and we dont lose immunity. also, nor eal updates on this tribe. chris barely talks which im assuming is bc hes busy but still!!! idk who to work with, so i guess ill wait for a tribal?? kinda wanna get an alliance together soon though idk

Im gonna be bomb at this comp n here is why eg. Q: who won Bahamas? A: *me in 0.2sec* Zach won Bahamas!!!! Yes I submitted this as a VLconf too don't @me...

I'm good at puzzles??? But I'm not I guess DSFKJSF

My ADD made it almost impossible to keep up with this high speed challenge so I kept /leave on my message box the whole time hoping it would become an option to get points... man I'm a smarty pants and also now I get to sleep!

I am so stressed for tribal. I think I have something good with Carson and Zachary but I still need two votes hopefully Willow and Charlotte vote with me and we can do Eric or Chris. Chris doesn't respond to my messages ever so I'd prefer to do that honestly but idk I am just hoping it works out

Willow told me she heard Chris's name and im like "HELLL NAW IM NOT VOTING CHRIS BAI." I need Willow, and I need Chris, and there is no way either of us 3 are going to go this tribal.

So I talked to Willow and she's like "my two top allies blah blah blah. Anonymous blah blah blah" and I'm thinking to myself, "Why would you tell me that someone other than me is your top ally. You could of had me sold if you said I was your only top ally." Now I know there is someone you might keep over me." And I have strong suspicions that her top ally that isn't me is 1 of these 3: Katie, Carson, Charlotte. Either way, I am going to remember what Willow said if we are ever in merge together and I need to think about saving her or someone else, especially if one of these suspicions are in merge with us.

SO WE WON IMMUNITY! Even without help from Jay, Lexi and Willa the rest of us killed the challenge and took home immunity. I'm so happy that we won immunity because Willa was looking like he'd be the  next person to go and I kind of don't want that? I know it puts me in a pretty precarious spot with my alliance since they agreed it's probably best if Willa leaves next. If I can't save Willa at all then I'll vote him out but if I can save him that would be GREAT for me. I want to get closer to Ryan and Adam. Adam and I talked during the first tribal council and we're both pretty straight forward thinkers and know what's best for the tribe so I'm interested with working with him. Ryan is someone who I really want to work with and he's close with Lexi which means I might have to vote her out so that he'll fully trust me?? Idk we'll see. I've been thinking about what Ulta will do at tribal because if a winner from that tribe ends up leaving and then we swap and I end up on an Ulta dominated tribe...that's bad news for me. 

So I think I'll get at least one vote here. But I feel good with my alliance that they'll have my back. I trust carson the most, then charlotte, then zachary, but I trust them all so that's good.  I think  Willow and Eric are together but I don't think they'll be able to get chris and Katie on their side. Willow wanting chris is also pretty bad so idk I think I'm safe at least I hope so cuz I'm really starting to enjoy the cast and season!! Should be a 7-1 or 6-2 or 6-1-1 vote hopefully and then 4-4 at worst

we;ll.... we lost badly!! AND I DIDNT GET MY REWARD FROM WISHING WELL BC WE FLOPPED TOO MUCH... but that dont matter, tribals more important, and chris was the plan to go... UNTIL!!! today, eric told chris that chris was going and if he wanted to stay to vote out bryce. like??? What kinda crackedt world do you live in where u threaten someone to vote someone so they  can stay SDJHDSJ (also returnee alliance made between me/zach/charlotte/bryce YES.) so... chris snitched (king) eric out and so we want eric out now... bc hes playing way too hard. NOW HE WANTS TO VOTE CHARLOTTE OUT TOO WHICH>>> SDKJSDKJ. i see why he went premerge so many times right now. like... if you try something over and over, and it doesn't work. take another LOOK!! but whatever i could be getting bamboozled but the plan is to get out eric bc he blew up his game by scrambling with little numbers, and withholding info (like telling bryce that he should vote charlotte and he couldnt tell him why but hed give him 3 rounds of safety DSJKSJK...) hopefully im not being dumb and im actually right. (also im actually... strategizing and forming social bonds oh wow! survivor is actually fun when you play it.) lets pray for no blindside of me or anyone... and lets get through this! http://photos.costume-works.com/full/furby.jpg

i just heard carsons voice on live tribal council and like i knew he was in high school but omg he sounds like such a smol baby and i need to protect him

[tumblunni]

I FINALLY HAVE MY NEW BED ITS IN SEVERAL PARTS I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO ASSEMBLE THIS BUT IM HAPPY IVE BARELY HAD SIX HOURS OF SLEEP IN THE LAST FOUR DAYS TINY CRAMPED SOFA IS KILLING ME AAAAAAAA BEDDDDDDD Also HOKY SHIT the delivery was awkward LITERALLy holy shit They came half an hour early and I was on the toilet when they knocked Like seriously MID POOP Had to run down the stairs in five seconds, pulling my pants up, then try and pretend like I wasn't on the loo And then when I got back to the bathroom now I can't even finish taking a shit Cos then the goddamn phone rang! Lol sorry for tmi post I am just SO TIRED and so ill and I just wanna finish up finally returning to the damn bathroom and then sleep forever God I dunno how to put this bed together I'm just gonna flop down on the plastic wrapped mattress and Die