#im dysmorphic rn

[feeling-kinda-sad-ngl]

i look 5 months pregnant

[spootsaline]

kinda wish there were like more hair style options and like....hair products for the mess that is my pin straight, no ass, oily hair that i own on my head

[agoraphobe]

Are you really agoraphobic & if so, how did you know you had a problem? I am debating whether I have a problem or not rn. I get genuinely upset when thinking abt going outside in the daytime.

yeah ive been dealing with it for years and unfortunately it gets worse over time especially if you dont get help for it. like a few years ago i used to at least be able to go to the grocery store once in a while and shop for myself. now i cant even sit in my backyard without feeling overwhelmed and panicky. it leads to a very limited, poor quality of life and can make it difficult to be independent which just adds to the shame. its really really important to get into therapy asap and to figure out what the underlying issue is. e.g. im diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder and body dysmorphic disorder which are unfortunately comorbid/commonly associated with each other and agoraphobia can be a prevalent symptom of both. for me, body dysmorphic disorder causes it the most. i explain it a bit more in this old post. im sorry you are dealing with this. its a very shitty, lonely way to live. i hope youre able to reach out to someone.

[ro-presents-under-the-nola-stars]

What Workout Routine does JJ have? And now that she has Jasira, does she Focus (more) on specific muscle groups because she wants to impress her? And please dont worry about taking longer to post the next chapter, you dont have to rush your writing :D (Also, Im not sure if this still aligns with your current headcanons, but you mentioned before that JJ would not bind as much, when she starts working out more, but wouldnt it cause more dysphoria, because of her bigger chest, if she does more upper body workouts?)

JJ's routine in a bit unorthodox, I would say. she loves sports, loves being athletic. her work outs start with her maintaining her flexibility and strength training then it goes into athletic training. she rotates the sports between baseball, both footballs (american n soccer) and basketball workouts and trainings then she stretches again to prevent next day soreness, ya know? she doesn't lift weights or anything. she works out to make sure she's stays on top of her athletic talents and to stay lean but she's careful not to harden her body, so to speak. she doesn't do anything muscle defining, so rn as of 2007, shes one of those deceptively strong types.

she doesn't start working on muscle definition for jasira. she does wish she was more toned and muscular but it's one of those things that's like a mental no for her as far as what she's "allowed" to do. she also thinks that if she gets "buff" so to speak then it may interfere with her perception and stuff at work. she knows how she looks plays a big part in how she's treated at work. she knows that her being a pretty, soft, feminine looking girl is important, and she knows how to work it to her advantage, so yeah, no. she doesn't do that. jasira does see her play sports tho and she always shows out to impress her. she gets so much more focused when jasira is watching her which says a lot bcus she always plays like shes a professional anyway.

(JJ's dysmorphia n view of self isn't that cut and dry. her boobs, on their own, aren't bothersome. it's the general softness and femininity of the rest of her body paired with the fact that she has boobs that is bothersome n makes her feel dysmorphic, if that makes sense. she binds on occasion bcus that's an area that she views as actionable; she can do something about her boobs. so, she binds. the flattened look makes her feel better about the general softness bcus it takes some of the femininity away, in her mind. when she starts to tone her body n get buff like she imagines in her head, she wouldn't see herself as super soft n hyper feminine anymore, so she wouldn't feel the need to offset much. now she wouldn't really stop completely. but she would mostly bind in instances where her chest would otherwise be seen sans a shirt ie when they go on tropical family vacations, she would bind rather than wear a sports bra or when shes being athletic.)

[pinkiepie20000]

Im sorry if you feel dysmorphic rn :(, i hope you feel better!1!1111

i need my meds

[straberrypenguinbaby]

tw: ed/sh

ill get rly depressed and dysmorphic (is that a word) every month or two... like i feel that way a the time but im okay yk? but it'll suddenly get rly bad. rn, im having thoughts ab sh and feel like i don't deserve to eat. im going to try to restrict a bit and work out more. not too bad but enough to lose weight and feel skinnier and healthier by eating healthier foods and js less in general. thoughts fueled by both dysmorphia but also self hatred and feeling undeserving of food or any satisfaction.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know driving on the way to work this morning; i was thinking about those annoying people who comment on celeb articles who always say “who??!!” and variations of that, along with “why the fuck should i care what the rich motherfucker is saying??” like on some levels when the article is titled some dumb shit like “*insert random tik tok star here* starts new tiktok trend” or whatever im like “yeah i can’t remember who carla delasantis is either. but like there’s no need to comment about it??”

but when it’s something like “dixie d’amelio says she’s been diagnosed with pre-menstrual dysmorphic disorder/PMDD” (a good headline i saw just this morning) or another medical condition, im just like “yeah could you be rude somewhere else?? like she’s raising awareness kinda for it by saying she’s been diagnosed with it???” like. obvs this buzzfeed article that i scrolled past this morning while having breakfast had mostly positive comments from women saying “thank god she’s saying something about this debilitating condition! i’ve had this for years and it’s awful!” etc etc but obvs if i’d bothered not to just glance at the first few comments and read further down, there would’ve been plenty of the rude ass “who??” and “i’m obvs getting old bc i don’t care about this tiktok nobody!” and “obvs she’s faking it for attention” (usually from men).

like yes. these people are outrageously wealthy and somewhat annoying and everything else about TT “celebs” and celebs in general. but when female celebs/TT stars are sharing their experiences of something like PMDD or halsey and her struggles with endometriosis and pcos, these comments are absolutely downright fucking disrespectful and rude. like i don’t have PCOS or endo or PMDD; but for those who are have the constant daily struggle with any one or a combination of those conditions; it’s nice to know that someone with an outrageously vast following like dixie d’amellio (however you spell her name) is speaking out about her journey to diagnosis and final diagnosis of it (im assuming that’s what the video and the BF article were about) struggle with something as debilitating as that and has faced the same struggles with diagnosis as the normal person would.

like yeah obvs. they might have a slightly easier time getting a diagnosis bc they have better access to healthcare in the US than the average american; but i imagine it would’ve taken the same amount of years for dixie to get diagnosed with PMDD or halsey with her endo and pcos, than normal american women.

just. my point is. i fucking hate those “who?” and “why the fuck should i care what some shitty celeb or tiktok star is doing rn???” and “im so old that idek wtf this person is even relevant to my newsfeed??” when like. when it’s about something like PMDD or endo/PCOS….. or even justin bieber with his bell’s palsy in his face that’s made him cancel his world tour; these comments are blatantly fucking rude and disrespectful to other people with the same medical issues. the fact that a “tiktok no one” like dixie d’amelio is speaking about her diagnosis with PMDD to her fuck knows how many followers, is amazing. comments like this are probs why so many people don’t seek help also, besides the point when it comes to womens health, we’re already not believed anyway; and this just further spurs it on.

[s1rchek-shitposts-daily]

ayo im relapsing so hard rn i gained more weight recently cuz of regular binges and now im counting calories again i hope that i can lose some of it im hella uncomfortable and dysmorphic

[tatiejosie]

.

[666-pack]

I love when my bdd makes me keep checking over and over instead of letting me sleep. I also love how it brings back the suicidal ideation! And I love how it triggers shitty coping mechanisms that don’t help at all!! In fact, they really hurt me physically and mentally!

[bedcorpse]

i hate it when people are like “no your body does such good things for you!” bitch my body tries to kill me every time i’m stressed it wants me dead too

[rihometal-moved]

ughhh

[fatlarde]

apparently covid causes hair loss and im like rly not ready for this like my body image issues cannot take this rn i already gained [redacted] lbs this yr i can’t also lose my hair that is already thin to begin with ..shez already dysmorphic shez already not having a good time shez already in the process of accepting one (1) sudden change in appearance i cant do another not now not so close together

[muchmoremarsh]

im thankful for what testosterone is doing my body but still, whenever i look down, i feel fucking distorted. (uncensored and more vent under)

this is both generally about my weight/shape and certain aspects of my body that are “feminine.” yes fundamentally theres nothing wrong with it. but theres something in my brain that tells me off for being the way that i am. that i DESPERATELY need to change to be more like them, or so i can do this, or that he won’t look at me like that anymore, or that maybe she’ll see me as attractive finally, or that my binder will work better, or that my stomach will be flatter, or that my thighs and hips wont give me away again, or that i can have a normal looking neck, or that it wont balloon out when i sit down, or that “you’ll be more castable/easier to work with with THAT body” or “if you work hard enough you’ll be able to play xyz” well im SICK of feeling like this, but im always going to feel this way until my thoughts even out. all i can do is be as healthy as i can be to help MYSELF feel more in my own skin and try not to let the thoughts overconsume me but fuck, its so hard. and its SO narcissistic and selfish, these disorders are inherently selfish and of course that makes me feel bad. but i know i cant control it when it gets too out of hand so i need to learn to forgive myself. idk im just sick of looking down and seeing this. sometimes i think my chest is okay when im lying down and i just never want to wear anything underneath when im at home, like at the moment but i look in the mirror and oh my fucking SHIT. it would be so much easier to process all of the above in a healthier way if they were not a part of my body. binding is not even fulfilling anymore, it doesnt flatten my chest as over the years ive grown on and off, but still stretched out weirdly bc of it. and its painful, so painful some days, that i think “is it worth it?” but i cant imagine going outside without it on. or if i did- and even IN a binder, i have to wear so many layers to keep myself feeling secure, even though it probably does jack shit to help hide the fact theres obviously something there. i want to be able to take my shirt off and go swimming, like yeah id still feel like shit for the fact that im a bigger guy but like at least id be ABLE to take my shirt off without everything getting in the way. and like….i wanna talk about other areas of my body but i cant get into too much detail bc this is oversharing enough already but im just so weirdly shaped. my thighs distress me most i think because they are so very very VERY big in comparison to the rest of my body and they make my hips look bigger too. the fact that i can grab a fistful of inner thigh fat makes my skin crawl. and i just….im not shaped like other trans guys i dont think, theres like only the belly bump that separates areas and like. why is there this space between it and that and why doesn’t it stick out at this length and? ik i PREACH “dont compare yourself” but it is sososo much easier said than done and im just a bit dysphoric and dysmorphic about everything rn

[babygirlissick]

hi im feeling very dysmorphic rn :/ 

[missdandee]

Aphrodite, Artemis, Siren 💕

Aphrodite: Relationship Status?

Single! Been talkin to the same girl for a while now, but nothing official yet (though I just filled her trunk with groceries while she was at work today, so Im thinkin it might be a little more domestic/serious than I give it credit for lol)

Artemis: What do you first notice about new people?

Honestly, and this is gonna sound fucked up, but their weight/figure. Hear me out.

I have a long history with bulimia and body dysmorphic disorder, so it’s just my natural instinct to look at a persons body and proportions first thing. Its taken a healthier turn though, because these days I’ve stopped comparing myself to other people. These days, I take my first impressions and find beauty in them, I don’t judge anymore. Judging others only ever made me feel more horrible and judgmental about myself, whereas if I accept all types of beauty and think more positively, I hate myself a lot less. And my way of thinking has naturally begun to change with that effort, so now I’m starting to see things a lot differently.

Siren: Last song you listened to?

To tell you the truth, I don’t really know, but I have 9 by Cashmere Cat stuck in my head rn, so I’m assuming thats the one

Thanks for asking!! ❤️☝🏻️💕