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#im experimenting and learning as i go lmao
blackskorpi0n · 5 months
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wanting to do 3D art properly, but in order to be good at it I'll have to learn how to mesh and retopologize models, learn programs like Substance Painter and Zbrush, and dedicate like 5000 hours worth of my free time which I don't have 😭
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hella1975 · 1 year
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hella idk what to send to you for aftg im either bored or annoyed and I don't wanna just say bad things about it 😭 like that's just rude and yall obviously like it I DONT WANNA BE SOME DEBBY DOWNER MDMWKEM
I looked at the anti aftg tag too to see if I could intermingle there and last I checked it was a mix of fans obsessed with the series and haters being just a tad harsh imo, so i couldn't even do that RIP. I'm so lonesome in what is maybe a whole group of people gaslighting me 😔👊
honestly ive said this before and i always have to tread a very fine line with it because this isn't me saying it's OKAY or like. promotable. but i do think to an extent that aftg's problematicness is actually an aspect of what draws people in a lot. like the characters and their reactions to things feel real for who they are, what they've been through and the environments they were raised in if that makes sense? and then you go in the anti-aftg tag and it's just again and again 'they said THIS thing and acted THIS way in response to THIS scenario and it was PROBLEMATIC' and like. yeah. outside of the internet bubble you're in people do actually do that. like that behaviour exists. it IS problematic, well done. you pointed at a wall and called it a wall. but like? in real life people - PARTICULARLY deprived, traumatised people that typically don't ever get therapy or community or someone telling them why something is bad - DO act this way. ive said half of my love for andrew is literally just because he took an awful backstory and let it make him a complete cunt and ive NEVER seen a character do it as shamelessly as him before. and yeah there's the argument for how it's never resolved in the book where nora ties it with a bow and points at the bad behaviour so the readers can go 'see, this is wrong' and we all clap, but idk it just for me feels that when people point at the aftg characters and go problematic! problematic! problematic! it's like they're missing the point a bit.
the point being? that we need to be putting WAY more heat on the author. i really dislike her and a lot of her writing choices and her insistance of using slurs that aren't hers to reclaim and just because it happened to make the characters feel just that bit more authentic i can still acknowledge that she CLEARLY wrote it without characterisation in mind and just added all that problematic shit anyway. like i never get why there's so little focus on nora's writing decisions and thousands of posts just fucking CRUCIFYING the characters themselves and 'let's explain in detail why this behaviour is Morally Reprehensible and they should be Locked Up Forever'. like if u want to focus on the characters so bad and pretend they're the sole reason why aftg is Problematic and Bad then why is it so hard to acknowledge that someone raised the way they were might have some misinformed, ignorant beliefs. idk lol
#but i do also think im prone to viewing these characters as TOO real and i understand there's a line to be drawn between media and reality#like at what point does 'life imitates art' become just a genuinely shit piece of media#and at the end of the day im fully aware which end of the spectrum aftg is on LMAO but this is my 2 cents#like ive met so many people that have said absolutely heinous things that the internet would eat them alive for#like homophobic sexist shit you name it they've said it and it IS problematic and uncomfortable to listen to#but i also know that while teenagers online that would call them problematic were busy claiming some new fucking buzz word to throw around#those people were actively just fucking trying to survive. like they weren't learning about why misogyny is bad#because they were fucking addicted to drugs or living through poverty or some shit like they had BIGGER PROBLEMS#like not everyone got the education or life experiences you got and while it's valid to assume someone saying horrible things#is horrible themselves there's also the times it's just genuinely a misinformed ignorant person#like they'll say 'problematic' things and i'll point out why it's bad and they'll literally go 'oh i never thought of that.' that's it!!!#like i have this childhood friend whose life has been an absolute circus start to finish like COMPLETE instability i wont even get into it#low and behold she had NO ONE educating her about things and one time i had to explain to her why having abortion rights was important#bc she just out of nowhere said she was against abortions. and i initially was outraged and disappointed that this came from her#but i didn't patronise her or shout i just explained my angle on why i think they're good and she was on side immediately#cause she always had bigger problems than researching ethics and no one to guide her so she just absorbed the first opinion she came across#and in a small town from a working class family that opinion is typically not the nice woke answer the internet demands#and with aftg particularly andrew bc he's the one who gets a lot of slack for being violent and generally unreasonable#you have someone who has literally not had someone treat him kindly a single time in his life and each new person is a genuine safety threa#like the average person just does not have to deal with that! ofc they have more time to decide their political and moral compass!#and that's so relevant to real life! popularity for the monarchy is highest amongst the working class! the people voted for brexit! trump!#the lower classes and marginalised simply do not have the resources that higher classes do#and someone fighting for survival is not going to be reading twitter threads on cancel culture in their spare time#so many issues in the world can be eased so much quicker by kindness and patient non-patronising education#than just. pointing and calling 'problematic' at anything remotely uncomfortable#idk where this came from its 2am i should go to bed and instead im ranting not even about aftg anmore this is completely it's own thing now#i feel like i worded this badly too im gonna wake up to anons in the morning accusing me of like. condoning spiking#also gloomy i am SO sorry you are the true victim of this i went ENTIRELY off piste on this one please ignore this 😭#ask
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reading dungeon meshi
#random thoughts#it has the kind of plot i hate where you retread the same plot point repeatedly while making progress elsewhere#like hi falin bye falin#like i cared about them finding falin. then they found her. and now she's gone again.#i don't like marcille but in like. a compelling way. she's my favorite archetype of character who is specifically female for some reason?#lady who thinks her way is the right way and she's morally right and therefore everyone else is wrong#high conscientiousness with low openness to experience. see themselves as agreeable dutiful and restrained while not being any of that#they tend to take on moralistic causes but they usually don't have a defined reason for WHY they're doing it so it just comes off as preachy#and the narrative tends to take their side with no basis in why#like when marcille tried to prove herself with the mandrakes and put everyone in danger and senshi conceded he was ALSO in the wrong???#and even marcille was like 'that wasn't my point at all'#that entire chapter made me mad it was so good#it's also doing that thing i hate when a piece of media introduces too many characters at once#like who's who what's what who is important who should i remember#i love the detail put into the cooking sessions!!!#i love how all the characters are so fucked up and not even in plot-important ways#like chilchuck's cowardice is very important to the plot but senshi was straight-up willing to let a man die for his flavorful cooking lmao#laios is. my man. i need him carnally.#i get that the whole 'got eaten by dragon' thing was not meant to be the Whole Plot but i feel like the background plot is just not my thing#either that or it wasn't set up in a compelling enough way?#idk. im still reading#all in all i think dungeon meshi might just not be my thing? plot-wise i mean. i love the characters and the general premise#of monster biology and environmentalism and cooking and augh#i don't like how everytime senshi corrects marcille on something so far he ends up going 'i guess i also need to learn a thing or two'#like on the mandrakes? the man has FIELD EXPERIENCE he was entirely in the right to prefer his method!!!#and on the environment thing? first of all marcille's whole thing is building artificial dungeons she SHOULD care about the food chain#SECOND OF ALL telling marcille she shouldn't kill so many fishmen isn't playing GOD or whatever#that kraken was a fucking. extenuating circumstance. it was literally there just to make marcille's argument credible#animals killing each other through the food chain is different from marcille using what is essentially a rocket launcher#god i ran out of tags. peace and luv bruvs 🤟 kind of have a hate crush on marcille now. need her
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unsettlingcreature · 9 months
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Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)
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candyriku · 2 months
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IMMENSELY regretting giving Strelitzia a girlfriend in my fic because WHAT IF she started dating Naminé.... alas I did not know Naminé would be coming until a couple of months ago and by then it was too late... alas.....
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jvzebel-x · 6 months
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🦋
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stew-chan · 11 months
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guh applied to a position at work a couple steps above me on my boss' recommendation..... and i think it has to lead group training sessions for part of the responsibilities..... imagine you go in for your mandatory state training meeting...... and the speaker is a visibly anxious tranny in a short sleeve blazer and combat boots who stammers through the whole speech.... but you have to be nice to me because learning how to use the systems is legally required lol
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martyrbat · 2 years
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just learnt a distant mutual is a b*tc*st shipper so a very pointed reminder that if you ship that shit i don't want you on my page. i dont like you and think youre disgusting
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himbo-harrington · 2 years
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how did the interview go???
So it went like generally okay, it was with a small engineering start-up and everyone who was there was super lovely and friendly and welcoming so that felt really nice. I had some initial q&a with a lady from HR and she was really nice and that was all fine, then I got an office/lab tour and that was interesting to see.
Then I had a technical task, where I was given a problem and I had to come up with and explain my solutions and that was tough and the things I suggested didn't really seem to impress them and they didn't really ask for my thought process, then they were asking me more complicated questions about this problem and tried linking it to my lab work and I struggled to get my points across and come up with answer.
Then after that there was some more q&a which was fine and then the interview ended. So like there were positives and negatives and I just don't really know which way it'll go, I should hear back by next week though either way so that's good
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shidoukanae · 13 days
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Chapter 75 and 76 have been so funny for male lead characters suddenly spouting red flag lines.
Paris's is expected because the narrative has always been honest about how he's got a screw loose but seeing the 2nd lead syndrome guy pining hopelessly after Lyla seemingly imply he was trying to make her unhappy with his presence is ???? huh????
like im aware my very loose translations are probably scuffed as fuck and there's room for further interpretation but man is this manga a ride lmao. It never feels like a chapter is wasted and that there's always something more to be learned about this world, its story, and its characters. And it means every chapter is never a letdown because there's always SOMETHING happening and it makes me !!! to see
#the mighty extra#Paris Valerian#Phillip whose last name im forgetting LMAO#ngl after translating Paris's line about taking a princess as a trophy i was all :Dc about it#not only does that line tell me that Paris is dangerously obsessive of Helene like his OG self was#but also considering how much the narrative condemns Paris's entitlement and lifts up Helene as someone who can handle his arrogance#I sense this line of thinking is utterly going to fuck him up once he realizes that pursuing her through war will only see her resenting hi#i love that Paris/Helene seems to be a slowburn and im so waiting for the moment Paris gets irrevocably lovesick over her#i want him to eat his words from back when he called Fian's romantic rambles “corny” you have no idea#the dragon imprinting phenomena in this universe is really fascinating and i love how the dragon physiology works in this verse#from the way imprinting is treated as something genuinely fucked up for dragons to experience#to the way dragons use “smell” in order to identify people's souls which plays into their Friendship Pact magic abilities#it's a much different take on dragons than im used to and honestly i kind of dig it#also love how this story takes a bunch of tropes i typically dont like and has combined them together in a way i really like!#Imprinting as a trope? Surprisingly well done and actually interesting to learn more about since it's specfically a psychological thing#Me genuinely wishing the reverse harem story mentioned was a real story? insane coming from someone who HATES that genre#Paris displaying awful red flag behaviors? good thing his love interest doesn't put up with his BS and will put him in his place#OG FL is being mean? oh guess what she's an intricate self-saboteur who is neither good nor bad and there's something up with her (i think)#and it's just#man#this whole manga is writing goals goddamn#and im trying to learn how to write a plot based on its story structure and it's making me realize i don't know shit about writing lol#or at least planning out my plots which is probs why im procrastinating on my own works ahhhhHHHH
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skitskatdacat63 · 3 months
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And what if I said I agreed with Plato about philosopher kings? What if I think he was right!?
#how do i write a paper abt this and not seem like im endorcing oligarchies JSKFKFLGLGLV#idk man im disillusioned with the government rn its very difficult to argue in favor of our form of government#like how do i say. yeah i dont think this would actually work in practice#but man if it did ....it would be pretty cool 🫢#idk sometimes i feel like in modern society im too burdened by self awareness and autonomy sjfkfkg#so when we learned about philosopher kings idk it just sounded weirdly ...nice?#like i dont think it would work out bcs people always are going to abuse the system#but god really sometimes i WOULD prefer an almost dictatorship of people who are actually competent#like the idea of philosopher kings is that they are raised to become a leader#that is their speciality. like a baker makes bread. like a fisherman catches fish. etc.#and im sry but rn in this current political climate i think i would prefer that over the grand majority of politicians 🫣#lmao i had to argue in favor of philosopher kings in some debate#so now i like on some level endorse it bcs i had to fight for it yknow and actually made the most compelling argument#its just weird bcs theoretically systems of democracy are a lot easier to tear apart and find the issues in#but yeah LOL hope my prof doesnt get a bad idea of me from this paper 😭😭😭#on some level im playing devils advocate? but rly i do somewhat agree w Plato#i think most political systems are unfortunately very idealistic and are always going to have issues irl#and so its very hard to argue for the system we have now that i witness constant problems from#and easier to argue abt the one i dont live under and have no experience witj#anyways. plato was right. sjkfkf#catie.rambling.txt
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hiddenbeks · 5 months
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so many thoughts abt how schewpid the jedi council is in kotor but also not sure if i should write abt any of them before i finish the game because it's entirely possible that i'm still missing some critical information,
#el plays kotor#blease blacklist that tag if u dont wanna see kotor spoiler stuff from me as i play the game#feels silly to warn abt spoilers for such an old game but. i only found out abt [redacted] a couple yrs ago#completely by accident. it didnt ruin my desire to finish the game and see how the story goes#but still. it did change the whole experience. and what if there r others out there who dont know yet. so. KOTOR SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!#so anyway i was thinking. why would the jedi council send revan to find the star maps. when they strongly suspect that#the search for the maps was what corrupted revan and malak in the first place???#im assuming they want their new totally-not-revan padawan to succeed and stop malak????#and yet?? they didnt think to consider the possibility of revan falling to the dark side Again during this quest????#love how the jedi archivist/historian says the 'those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it' thing#and im just thinking. so true bestie. you should take your own advice maybe. lol. lmao even#like yes they've brainwashed revan but what makes them so confident that amnesiac revan won't go down the same path as before#wouldn't that be more likely even. because. revan does not remember their history.#and since they don't remember their history... they have nothing to learn from... and thus... could repeat their mistakes...#ok wait i just remembered that the historian gives amnesiac revan a lecture abt what revan and malak did#so yes they do get a history lesson to keep in mind and to learn something from.#but its still so...... the council has no way of being certain their master plan will succeed... they are taking a huge gamble here...#and sure capturing revan without wiping their mind was probably not an option to the council#bc revan would have simply refused to cooperate i guess. much easier to mold an empty mind :)#wow wow wow i hate the jedi order actually. yes the sith do these things too and also their color scheme is dark and thus they r Evil#but when the jedi with their light earthy tones do it its ok. because they are servants of the light. guardians of justice or whatev. sigh#also the council repeatedly warns revan abt the dangers of the dark side n how the force is so strong in revan n they need to be careful#and that they are 'willful and headstrong'. qualities that are potentially dangerous for a jedi to have. because Emotion Bad#and still the council just goes 'the warning signs are there but we have elected to ignore them :) surely it will be fine this time :)' ???#i think i need to stop thinking abt this its giving me psychic damage#there Must be something later down the line that makes this decision make sense. they cant be this stupif
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cinnabeat · 7 months
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im reading dungeon meshi rn (painfully) and i really really sympathize with marcille rn
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spywitch · 2 years
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I usually never understand ppls obsession w nostalgia… because yeah I feel it sometimes but often my childhood feels blurry at best and like something vaguely sad and empty at worst. But idk why, maybe because my head has slowly been getting clearer as my depression slowly gets better over the years, lately I’ve been remembering my childhood more and desperately missing it. The most miserable part of my childhood was constant fear, guilt and self hatred… but if it weren’t for that encroaching as I got older, being around 4-9 years old was so magical and somehow despite the brain fog I sometimes remember so much of it
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blasphamoustraitors · 2 years
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the-acid-pear · 2 years
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Reverend Glasseye will make a whole album about the most miserable and most tortured little souls out there and I'll lose my mind everytime
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