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#im fine. well. not fine but im stable
mcpuliotjr · 1 year
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the worst thing abt begging is that u have to fight to make people care even when ure depressed and dissociated and suicidal and its pretty fucking hard to make a good pitch when ure also wondering if u deserve to survive
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sodrippy · 14 days
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considering a lameass career in Office and suddenly thinking "oh i could take another roadtrip in a couple of years wouldnt that be fun!" like ohhh having stability in your life allows you to think of the future as a real thing. interesting.
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stormyoceans · 9 months
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Monica, are you okay?
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rivilu · 1 month
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disjointed fandom posting sorry but it just hit me that pwotr is like. the only rpg where a companion never once left my team
#you can guess who it was jgkdfg#but yeah i think it has to do with disapproval not being a thing in the usual sense#Daeran was there 24/7 but my team in general is very stable compared to how often i switch it up on bg3 or the dragon ages#it's like . Daeran Woljif Seelah Lann + free space that gets swapped around (but most often it's Arue)#like aside from the point when woljif isn't there for plot reasons - i think the only time seelah and lann werent there-#was at the trap for the Other?#and that was only for plot reasons again bc basically Elluin was 99% sure the situation would escalate/#he'd wind up murdering a bunch of inquisitors and. yk. don't generally want the paladin and the guy who can't stand your bf there for that#though maybe I'll change it in future because it would be spicy if they WERE there to see it... hmmm#anyway yeah it's very interesting to me how consistent it was comparatively#honorable mention to Wyll for being the only other companion from an rpg that I don't recall taking out of my team for 99% of the game#and Zevran for being there for about? 80%? Orion didn't take him into the deep roads for blight safety reasons#it's a LITTLE bit funny to think of Daeran as the one companion this happens to djkfg#similar to the Dorian Bit of the high class character forced to trudge along the dirt fdjgk but.. better#because he's deadass forced to do it dnfmgbdh#I have this one particular thought in my head about the abyss as well.#about being made to follow along the heart of Alushinyrra as essentially a glowing target?#and how that's somehow both the worst and best outcome of being in the abyss in the fist place?#i mean he says it himself retroactively about the battlebliss. there's a certain sense of safety that comes from sticking close to the kc#and that's also why Elluin Does keep him with- it's a risk either way but if we gotta bring an aasimar into the Abyss#and that aasimar just so happens to be someone he has a vested interest in keeping safe#he's much better off where he can see him at all times rather than at camp#gods something about this visual. standing right there as the person you're following walks in front of you-#provoking the 2d highest authority in the entire /realm/ - a realm that's already been hostile to you from the very second you stepped ther#yet somehow - against all sense or better judgement . you know it's going to be fine?#(yes in a sense Dae may be safer than anyone there on account of life insurance and the Other itself in a sense but still)#im shaking the bars of my enclosure etcetera#river rambles
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kitwilsonsass · 2 months
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like im just genuinely sad about it lol. like im genuinely sad.
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greppelheks · 2 months
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WHAT mental illness? WHAT autism? WHERE?
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gaygothfluid · 2 months
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One of the characters in my head just said the rawest line ever
"I don't control the beauty standards, the beauty standards control me"
-context he's a gay guy from Alabama with powers related to love (his dads the god of love) his mum put him in pageants when he was young and has turned him into a model.
Later in my story line he emancipates from her and gets disowned by his father and moves in with his half aunt.
He has a eating disorder and is a perfectionist.
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lokh · 4 months
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im an artist and i decided to study design in college, now i am graduated and officially a professional graphic designer as a career!!! its a bit different from art in many ways, but i personally really enjoy it <3 if you have a solid understanding of the elements & principles of art, the elements & principles of design are….. literally exactly the same
one of the main differences between art and design is that art can mean many different things to many people vs. design is sorta meant to convey the same message to everyone, and that difference in intent can require a bit of a learning curve? but honestly if u have a good eye for visuals and what looks appealing and “balanced” vs. what doesn’t, you’re already way ahead of the curve
if you want to get into graphic design specifically (like designing posters, social media posts, logos, print media, etc, and as opposed to other types of design) read up on grid systems if you’re unfamiliar w/ them! grids and grid systems are the most useful thing i learned about while studying graphic design, that and which fonts to use when ✌️ everything else came easily due to my foundations in art/fine arts (i mean this in an encouraging way not a bragging way!!)
im really if i explained this in a condescending manner at all, that wasn’t my intent, i just don’t know how much background you have with design so i wrote this starting at square one!!!! 😅 i hope this helps you, at least a little tiny bit, to inform your path ahead!! (:
ooo ok i see i see..... to be honest i dont think ive seriously considered graphic design because i havent been confident in whether i have a good eye for that type of thing, and also i have no familiarity with adobe suite (which i understand to be industry standard???) but i suppose thats what studying is for
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rosecreates · 9 months
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Raven and Astarion are basically just "Charlatan to Charlatan communication" without either realizing it because neither of them are very open about their pasts at first and in the scenario where Astarion enacts his simple plan on Raven he has no idea he is breaking Rule 0: Don't try to con another conman (or conwoman in this case).
Raven knows exactly what he's doing but she just doesn't tell him she knows until later because the game is fun.
Both of them thought this would stay a game but then they both catch feelings lmao. Absolute losers (affectionate).
#{oc ramblings}#{oc: raven}#ive been thinking more about raven with astarion because like i have major astarion brainrot ofc but like#they're real similar in several ways and i initially thought that would be their downfall as a couple but like whilst it still could be#they both are very capable of immense character development that can have it not end badly#raven already has all kinds of seeds for becoming better and i can imagine astarion would like...not intentionally push her toward that but#see he would encourage her to continue being her chaotic neutral self but i dont think he'd stay silent when he realizes shes being abused#like she keeps her past close to her chest and constantly is like 'oh drow society is just like this its fine' but everyone around her def-#is like '...you know that doesnt mean its ok you got treated the way you were treated right???'#raven wasnt sexually abused like astarion. but she did have to claw her way from the bottom to where she is. she knows extremely well she-#got lucky. and shes continued getting lucky. she's had several attempts on her life and she knows her fate is in her adoptive mom's hands#her adoptive mom could throw her out at any time. kill her even. she acts arrogant and full of herself but she knows the fragile-#foundation she stands on as part of house mizzrym. she already has dealt with lots of judgement from others. jealousy from others#her position is unstable and its also why shes real desperate to cling onto it because if she fucks up she's screwed no matter how talented#she may be. and that sort of thing isnt good for her. the constant worry about losing everything she has if she screws up.#she worked her butt off and still works her butt off to stay where she is but it can all not matter if her adoptive mother decides she's-#not worth shit anymore. even if she's killed countless of her adoptive siblings. even if she passed a test of lolth.#though she's also probably looking for a more stable position in drow society which i think her companion quest will feature her-#being offered the chance for a more stable position. im not sure what position. i originally considered the chosen of lolth but eh#maybe lolth tasked her with murdering her adoptive mother (akordia is her name) to overtake her position?#akordia possibly being the like right-hand woman of the current matron mother (her sister). i dunno.#god i wish drow lore was more centralized NBJFGNKBGF#maybe i'll rewrite the position that raven is in again to make it where she just serves house mizzrym#just. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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reckless-glitch · 11 months
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absolutely WILD that the place i find an accurate representation of what my mental breakdown was like is on fucking Grimm
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salsa-di-pomodoro · 2 years
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GOD DAMN IT i know i must sound like a broken record by now but. I was feeling GOOD today. I felt happy and confident enough to check the submas tags for once. And all was good until i saw ONE SINGULAR ANGST POST, and now I'M DEPRESSED AGAIN. I HATE THIS SO MUCH
[btw none of u are obligated to cheer me up lol i just want to complain into the void. I'll remove the submas tag in like an hour i just want to feel seen (even though i know i already am) for a moment]
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demoness-one · 1 year
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I need to work on my house more soon or i am literally going to lose my fucking mind. I cant live here forever
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petz5 · 2 years
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ranma seeing his other fiancées going on dates with other guys: 🥳
ranma seeing akane hug ryoga because she’s under a spell:
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yea, ranma really didn’t know who he had feelings for
I STG I DONT GET HOW SOME PPL PASSED ENGLISH CLASS
Ur SUPPOSED to write characters by going “this is what I want them to say! So I’m going to pretend they are cursed to never be able to say that and have to express it in every other possible way” and rumiko is a MASTER at doing that!!
Even if you’re so bad at analyzing media you think unless a character flat out says they love someone else then they must not love them……. ranma DOES tell akane he loves her at the end of the manga 😭 it boggles my mind when fanfic has post-manga ranma like “do I like akane??? sure I feel differently abt her than shampoo and ukyo but surely that’s just bc she’s my friend” (as if ukyo isn’t his friend……..)
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californiaquail · 2 years
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apparently my mother's cult job just got "eliminated" so my (bare minimum) dental and vision insurance is disappearing at the end of the month. thank fucking god i'm moving to washington
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clehame · 2 years
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i’m pretty sure studying abroad was a poor decision with regards to every single aspect of my life, but i’m saying this sick and tired and after a long day of being on a mandatory field trip i’ve been dreading all week so. grain of salt etc
#doesn’t help that i just finished listening to a self described cozy mystery audiobook set in oxford#& so now i’m nostalgic and utterly convinced i should have gone to england#but still. i am trying to be positive i am trying to keep an open mind i am Putting Myself Out There as much as i’ve been able#i’ve been talking to people i’ve been asking questions i’ve been making conversation i’ve been searching desperately for someone i like#but also like. if i could get my money back and go home right now. or go to a different program even. i would in a heartbeat#a diff program wouldn’t solve everything but it would solve the academic failure of this program#which is that i’m not interested in any of the classes i’m taking bc i’m trying desperately to take classes that fulfill major requirements#but that’s almost impossible here esp for psych which is the one i need credits for#and so on an academic level this program is a waste of my time and actually actively harming me academically and i very well might have to#take a summer class. bc i can’t meet all my requirements in time#and then on a social level. well it’s me#i don’t like anyone yet and of COURSE bc its fucking day 6 but i have talked. to so many people. and it’s so hard#AND on a culinary level i don’t like any of the food here and i have to figure out how to feed myself and i genuinely considered just buying#a pallet of meal replacement shakes and drinking those. but i don’t even know if i can buy those here#anyway it would all be fine if i was just lonely and didn’t like the food that’s to be expected im homesick#but this program is like actually literally negatively impacting my degree progress and i not only would be happier but would be on a much#more stable path to graduation if i wasn’t doing it#i wish i had picked a better program I WISH I WAS TAKING CLASSES. AT A LOCAL UNIVERSITY. IN ENGLISH. AND NOT AT A STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM#HQ WITH EXCLUSIVELY OTHER AMERICANS!!! WHAT IS THE POINT?????#personal#isa bcn
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toastsnaffler · 4 months
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didn't even get to do my ironing :-(
#tw self harm#i was looking forward to it.. i usually find it calming n a nice way to end a weekend#but kept having thoughts abt intentionally burning myself or hitting myself with the iron so im leaving it for another day#its fine if my clothes are a bit crumpled at work anyway. i think i have some extra stuff i ironed i didnt wear last week too#im safe btw its fine ive been using ice + gentle pressure on my skin to take the edge off (i keep my nails too short to scratch dw)#if i did have to cut it wouldnt be ideal but its a neutral act i try not to judge it. but ik its less safe + i dont want it to become#a habit again bc i already let myself do it last weekend and im still a bit frustrated abt it bc id been managing so well#and it was the first time since january. and before then i hadnt since august which is a really big deal for me!#bc last year + year before i was really struggling with reliance on it. i had months where i was doing it daily or every other day#and its hardest to stop when its habitual. once on occasion is much more manageable so lets keep it that way#one day itll be the last time i ever do it and ill be clean the rest of my life but i dont think im near that yet#it feels kind of uncomfortable to type this out but i want to stop keeping my thoughts on s/h in my head bc i get weird abt it#and the last thing i need right now is to get weird abt harming urges again. and i dont think my friends are safe to talk to abt it#so talking on here is the closest thing i have to being open abt it. im tired of it being so stigmatised#ultimately its just a coping mechanism. even if it can be unsafe but like drinking or smoking or whatever to feel better is no safer so#but still i dont want to encourage it. anyway#at least ive calmed down a bit now. and i finished some admin i was putting off earlier#and now i need to sleep bc work tomorrow. just glad the weekend is over its so much easier to cope on work days#just the structure and distraction of it innit. we'll get through this week#and im back on the more stable dose again for meds this week as well so hopefully thatll help#and i think my periods due which has probably been tipping these mood swings over into intolerable#so hopefully thatll start tomorrow or tues and the hormonal shit will recede 🙏#all good. okay im gonna meditate a little and then sleep goodnight 😴#.diaries
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