#im giving up on all pretense of being chill

[lumiink]

posting fanart for my own fanfics on main (again lol), don’t even worry about it. sometimes you gotta visualise something while you write.

[girlscience]

I’m in a weird mood and people want to hang out with me... i just want to lay on the couch and be in a funk... let me wallow, i will be human tomorrow

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

[junicai]

Relationship with SuperM

➣ BAEKHYUN ☾ baekaria

before being thrown into a supergroup together, aria and baekhyun hadn’t really spoken 

they’d seen each other around the building, and aria was an avid supporter of exo so of course she knew who he was but she wasn’t expecting him to know who she was 

so when aria walked into the practice room and was greeted by baekhyun waving her over and calling her name

sue her if she was a little stunned 

their relationship was a little stilted at the beginning

between the age gap, and baekhyun not having a girl member in a group before, it took a few weeks for the two of them to figure out their dynamic and where they fit around each other 

eventually though

they settled into a pretty comfortable situation

baekhyun tries to put her at ease as much as possible 

there is 8 years in the difference, but you’d swear that its less than half 

although he’s playful and generous with the teasing like he is to other members 

he’s careful to avoid certain topics when it comes to aria, just out of respect for her and not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable

this came to fruition after kai unknowingly made a small comment on how aria “must have been hungry”, considering how fast she was eating

baekhyun knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but he watched aria slowly put down her chopsticks and reach for the bottle of water beside her instead

he didn’t see her eat for the rest of the evening

did kai get in trouble? no but he did get hit lightly over the head

when aria does something cool - like a spin or a trick - baekhyun is the first to say “that’s my child. i raised her, look how well i taught her” 

ten: “heY-”

tldr: although they’re not the closest, aria’s slowly grown more comfortable around him, and he’s looking out for her all the time 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

200829 Knowing Brothers: when baekhyun brought up the members of superm all showering together to get closer quickly, heechul quickly pounced on aria - the girl slowly moving to put her head in her hands. 

“and where was aria during all of this? don’t tell me you brought her to?”

baekhyun: “well of course we did-” 

aria: “NO I STAYED OUTSIDE HE’S A LIAR DON’T LISTEN TO HIM!”

*cue baekhyun laughing his ass off*

➣ TAEMIN ☾ arimin

aria thought she was going to die

there was absolutely no plausible reason that she should be in a group with The Taemin

he was highkey the reason why she had even accepted her position in sm at the very beginning of her training

this man convinced a fifteen year old to give up the sport she’d been doing her entire life 

his impact  (*¯ ³¯*)♡

please stand by while aria tosses herself off a bridge

she was So Formal at the beginning

he honestly was the member she took the longest time to warm up to - because she had idolized him for so long

will still refer to him as taemin-ssi occasionally, but now its less a formality and more of a tease

this boy was shook when he found out how young aria was - mark and lucas he can deal with because at least they’re 1999, but aria....

“2000??? 2000?” 

he said :O

despite their rocky start, they’re quite comfortable around each other, especially after spending a few nights rooming together over the tour

does aria still look for his validation in a lot of her work? yes, but she’s more open about asking for it now then she would have been 

taemin definitely doesn’t have a favourite kid and it’s definitely not aria no why would you think that

aria really out here collecting parents like pokémon 

gotta catch em all~

he looks out for her a lot during their schedules, mainly because he knows what its like to be the youngest in a group and how it can feel a little like you don’t really have a place there

so he always makes sure to include her where possible 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

sitting in a circle in a waiting room while mark toy-ed around with the guitar in his lap, aria sat curled in the corner, humming lightly to herself as taemin sang softly along with mark playing “view”.

quietly, she began to sing soft backing harmonies along with taemin, her eyes still attached to her phone in her hands.

when she felt the device being tugged out of her hands and her being pulled upright by another hand on her arm, she looked up to see taemin smiling brightly, still singing 

cue the impromptu concert of a lifetime: with god tier vocals

➣ KAI ☾ kairia

so, they met

and kai just kinda went: mine.

and that was that really 

its like a puppy refusing to give up its favourite chew toy 

“nooo but its my turn to room with aria :(”

never really did the whole awkward, getting to know each other phase? 

not that aria had any real say in it

but jongin point blank refused to engage in small talk with her

so they ended up spending their nights on the superm tour talking about stuff ranging from why the sky is blue to why aria stopped ice skating

she started crying and he did not handle it well, bless him

although he’s super chill and fun to be around

he’s also the only non-nct member that seriously scolds her 

when he found her in a practice room lying on the ground (she was Resting, thank you very much) at three in the morning, he dragged her out without a word and brought her back to her dorms in silence 

aria knew he was mad at her, but she thought it was because he had to borderline carry her four blocks down to the nct dorms 

“no you idiot, im angry because you thought that instead of coming to one of us for help with the bits you’re struggling with, you figured hey. let’s pass out instead.” 

he’s so affectionate with her

you know how lucas and kai have Intense Brothers Energy

well aria has that, little sister vibe that makes kai want to wrap her in a blanket and carry her everywhere

she’d hate that, if he tried that she’d scream (he did try that, this is coming from past experience)

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

kai chucking aria like a cannon ball into the pool during the filming of mtopia when she refused his hugs.

“oppa, oppa no im sorry ill give you all the hugs you want, oppa, JONGIN-OPPA NO NO NO NO -”

*sploosh*

➣ TAEYONG ☾ ariyong

taeyong took one look at aria the first time she showed up for group practice and immediately adopted her (not literally but he would if he could)

eomma meets highly protective brother meets life coach type beat?

so so soft for her its sickening 

says he doesn’t have favourites and will then spend an hour cooking for aria because she’s been in the studio the whole day and he knows she hasn’t eaten yet

when aria was given a duet to do for the sm stages, she had to pick another member to do it with and her first choice was taeyong 

she always has said that taeyong is one of the pillars keeping her upright and sane - without him she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to complete her training 

because of all the schedules they share together, if aria isn’t rooming with mark then she’s definitely rooming with taeyong

whenever she does his makeup (more often than you’d think) she point blank refuses to cover his scar, even when he asks her to do so

“please? i don’t like it.” “*gasp* how dare you.”

sleepy aria! snuggling into taeyong’s shoulder when a schedule ran late!

he gets uncomfy when the stylists put her in too revealing clothes, and has spoken to them on numerous occasions about dressing her in age-appropriate attire, no matter how “sexy” the concept might be

he keeps little bags of sugar-dusted strawberry sweets in his bag incase she forgets to eat and feels faint after the last time (they used to be blueberry flavoured but he heard donghyuck throwing out any and all “blueberry-contaminated” food one evening)

taeyong doesn’t tolerate hate towards aria, especially in person, so he always makes sure to sit down the line from her so that he can see when people skip her intentionally 

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 

taeyong had just been awarded the single bedroom on the last night of the mtopia series, and was staring off into the corner looking rather uncomfortable. aria, who was meant to be rooming with baekhyun, looked over and saw his mouth curled downwards slightly. 

“baekhyun-oppa, is it ok if i room with taeyongie-oppa tonight? i ran out of my tablets, and he has some in his bag..”

baekhyun looked down at her with a small smile and agreed, while the edited captions on the video appeared with the words, “a cute maknae asking to room with a younger member..”

➣ TEN ☾ tenaria

Whipped™

so so gone for her its upsetting actually

yangyang and aria share the position of his baby

except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop

ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria

he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby  ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right…(눈_눈)”

such an enabler for her bad ideas

aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream

pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day

when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket

its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost

he just wants to hold her hand

yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault

ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby

“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ”

if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor

hugs n kithes all around

only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing

anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby

sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her.

➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei

besties

please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(

bear hugs

he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up

complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball

someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll

singular braincell energy

don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart

so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it

she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour

so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day

lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back

nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria”

and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her

lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys

he’s so proud of her

and she’s so proud of him

they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together

sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit. 

“luc-LUCAS?”

“you had to move :)”

➣ MARK ☾ mari

½ of the best friend crew

honestly at the beginning, mark and aria weren’t very close, having only really seen each other in passing or with johnny

but after being dropped into training together the two quickly became fast friends, and now they’re borderline inseparable

you thought you knew pain? watch aria’s reaction to mark’s graduation from dream :)

mark’s the reason why aria felt confident enough to pitch some of her lyric ideas to the team, after staying up until 4am to help her make some edits so she was as confident as possible

kinda just, rests his head on her shoulder? and wraps his arms around her waist when he’s tired

mari being confused in foreigner: ???

aria said once in a vlive that she finds mark really comforting to be around - when she feels stressed or worried about something she’ll go to mark’s room and just sit on his bed for a while

aria is so close with his parents - “ahh, how’s my favourite child” “i’m doing great mom.” “no not you, how’s aria?” “wh-hu-MOM?”

you’d swear sometimes mark is younger than her, considering the pout he puts on and how much he whines when they’re not on the same team together for promotions

mark big protecc boi but also little small cuddly boi

they’re so soft for each other ( ╥ω╥ )

in one of the fancams for mark’s solo stage during superm, someone zoomed into aria singing along with him in the wings and dancing to herself with the Proudest Smile™

he’s! so! proud! of! her! constantly! she could be walking and he’d be like “omg get it”

when aria refuses to get up and make herself food (this happens way too often, she just gets into the groove of her work and doesn’t want to move) mark gets her to by threatening to do it himself

consistently caught by czennies just standing behind her and holding her hand in crowded areas - airports, waiting rooms, etc.

FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.

mark and aria were standing off to one side as the mc explained the rules of the game they were about to be playing. mark looked totally confused, and elbowed aria in her side before looking down and mouthing “what?” to her. aria opened her mouth, before closing it and looking down at the ground, muttering to herself, “결합… 結合….. le chéile…. le… le.. oh oh - combined! we have to put them together, markie.”

and thus, a new confusion meme was born

[remsmoonlight]

— title : glitter in the sky

— word count : 2.3 k words

— pairing : loki x reader

— summary : before putting into place his plan for thor’s coronation, he seeks you out one more time for comfort only you can provide

— warnings : maybe a teeeeeny bit of thor bashing but incredibly minor .. love ‘im fr , bit of sadness

         ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　requested ? nope　/   requests are open  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

an: i got this idea, first from watching the first thor movie because aw, and then moving onto silent hill and that field scene is a whole vibe..... who doesn’t wanna just chill randomly in a field with the sun on your skin with no responsibilities? hell yeah .. anyways this just got away from me in a way ha

Trailing your gaze up to the sky, your eyes marvel at the merging colours as you study them intently, witnessing the blend of hues and tones from a bright blue to a mixture of warm pinks and burnt oranges light up the surrounding area before you knew they would fade into nothing more than a dark blanket who’s only source of light would be the moonlight and the stars that would litter it.

Your shoes crunching the dry grass and the sounds of chirping from the various wildlife encompasses you, it takes all of your strength to not allow a large grin to brighten your features.

Despite being so late in the afternoon, time walking on a fine line towards the early evening, the heat from the sun is still so strong, comfortably toasting your skin as a heavy blanket on a cold winter’s night would.

In the distance you’re able to spot the intimidating stature of the aged tree, though it’s intimidating in name only  ⎯  for now it holds only those memories that lay locked deep within your heart. Your situation is a rather unusual one. Many summer afternoons had been spent shielded from the harsh rays of sunlight that shone over everything it could touch, though they hadn’t been spent alone. Rather, they’d been spent with an exceedingly phenomenal man. Can he even be called that? You wonder to yourself, Loki was far from human. Far, far from it.

“ to think I had been of the belief you would not be appearing. “

The suddenness of the voice slicing through the noises of the concealed fields would have shocked you more had it not been so honeyed. Holding the recognisable smoothness that you only associated with Loki.

“ this is the first time I’ve ever been late, thank you very much. “ you answer with an unwavering nerve as you stare at him while amusement floods your expression.

“ and the last, I’m sure? “ an eyebrow raises as he questions you, a warmth brightening his aura against the coolness he exudes normally.

Believing he’s not of Earth had been hard for you to grip, to believe fully, no matter how many tricks he could conjure before your very eyes. Though disappearing right before you, then feeling the whisper of his breath dance on the back of your neck so gracefully had been the confirmation you required. From there on a friendship blossomed into something more, you both becoming more and more involved with the other. Holding such unbelievable secrets were not a common place for you, to have this continues to make you feel like such a special soul.

“ oh, shut up! “

You stroll towards him, closing the distance with an enthusiastic energy that not even the longest of days could wear you down. Nothing in the world makes you feel so secure and guarded than when you finally feel the weight of his arms snake around you to bring you forward into his embrace. For Loki, you are a home away from home. Never do you gaze upon him with untrustful eyes, nor do you view him as beneath you, many negative connotations are attached to his name and you? You simply see him for who he wishes he could be, only ever in your presence does he try not to disappoint you. Back on Asgard that’s all anyone ever expects, so why not play into their prejudices? It has protected him so far, though the thought that perhaps even that has done more harm than good tresspasses into his mind on a rare occasion.

It’s not something he wishes to think about there though. He wants to dedicate his short visit to you entirely. Pushing away the increasingly regular thought it’s just a heartbeat, he is not one to be naive to pretend. Illusions are second nature to him, to forge them as easily to breathe, but to experience them are something that is in his power to prevent. He could allow this one instance to be selfish.

“ might I inquire of your wellbeing since we parted last? “ he requests as fingers entwine with yours to guide you to the slight hollow space within the tree. You drop yourself without any elegance to the ground, he settles behind you with his legs on either side of yours.

You can’t help but marvel at the differences between the two of you, like night and day. However, your differences fit like a puzzle with no inconvenience.

“ life keeps trying to test my patience, same as ever but ⎯ “ you pause, your eyes shining with remembrance of the gift you had brought, of course you knew it’s nothing more than a silly little trinket but you couldn’t help but fall in love with it. “ here, my friend’s been making these pieces for their business and I couldn’t help but think of you. “

Adoration is the only thing that overwhelms him in this moment, it’s a feeling he wants to lock away to relive over and over, for the only time he has never been treated as an afterthought is by his mother. Now? It’s a feeling that hasn’t been forged by a bond born of blood, but one that has arisen naturally. The item in your hand is a small metal band, with designs etched onto its body.

“ it’s only a little thing I know ⎯ “ you begin to babble, the words tumbling before you could even stop them. Your mind losing all control over your language before Loki put a stop to it.

“ I’ll have you know it’s not the physical item itself, but the sentiment behind it I hold dear. “

You want to respond with equally sweet words, but the heavy tone doesn’t go undiscovered by your ears.

“ Loki, what’s wrong? “

“ nothing, why do you ask? “ the God denies, switching the questioning to you.

Turning to face him, your eyes scout all over his features to spot anything that would give you cause to continue on with your concern. It’s light, the ghost of sorrow concealed behind a curtain of confidence and ego, even the most professional of liars can’t hide the truth of that. The hurt cuts too deep for a flimsy pretense of everything being perfect for it to bury those feelings.

“ you’re an amazing liar, but I’m beginning to get the hang of you. Besides, sadness is something difficult to completely hide. “

A heavy breath is released, your fingers from their position on his shoulders feel as if there’s an invisible weight that has almost decreased. You wonder how long he has carried this with him.

“ tell me. “

Every fibre of Loki’s being is fighting to keep his feelings kept away out of sight, to imagine they never manifested themselves into reality, but locked into place by the profound compassion swirling in your eyes he wants to finally divulge everything in his mind that has been plaguing him. Who knew a mortal could have such an enchanting effect he thought humourfully to himself.

“ the deadline for a successor to my father’s throne is approaching. “

“ and you’re worried? “ your brows lower, confusion marking your features as you struggle to understand why that could be so bad?

“ I've veiled many things from you, a fault of mine I understand completely. “ he admits, a sorrowful smile gracing his lips.

“ it’s never too late to share them. It might help you feel better? “

Loki wonders just what it is he has done in his history to be blessed with such an understanding and caring soul as yours, nothing could ease the lasting effects of each and every of his transgressions over his many years of living. How exactly could such radiance and light find the dark Prince of Asgard so easily? Many who lived in his realm would argue that he’s not deserving, instead countering that his brother should be in such a position of happiness.

He simply gazes upon you before speaking, a slender finger raising to tuck a few stray hairs behind your ear.

“ the successor has already been chosen, they always have been. This is a mere formality. “ switching his sight from you to the environment around you both, turning to look upon the steadily darkening sky.

“ so why do it then? “

“ to ensure that the process is seen as fair, despite the favour repeatedly falling to my brother. “

Nodding in understanding, you finally realise why there is a darkness that swirls over his head now he speaks of the topic. Living in the shadow of the golden child is not easy, your heart hurts as you realise that there must be many people who do not see the same man who you see. They see audacity instead of a daringness, to mistake him for an egotistical know it all instead of someone who has a thirst for knowledge and tricks.

“ never did they wish to stop viewing me as a troublesome child, I suppose I never aided in changing that. “

Nothing falls from your lips, knowing no words could do justice for what you need him to know, to feel. Twisting yourself onto your knees, you lean forward and allow your arms to provide him comfort as they surround his neck. One hand raises to rest in the dense raven locks of hair you constantly marvel over, moving ever so softly to trace patterns.

“ I’m sorry. “ you mumble softly, wanting to say more, but you can’t help but resign yourself to being unable to say anything meaningful. Instead, figuring it would be better, first, for him to speak his emotions without looking for any advice.

“ you’ve nothing to apologise for. The pieces will fall as they should. “ he comforts, whining to himself over the absence of your warmth as you withdraw the embrace.

“ Loki, what do you mean by that? “

“ nothing for you to worry yourself over, my dove. “ he shakes his head, as a chuckle that is short accompanies it, contains little genuine amusement to settle you.

“ I’m being serious, what are you talking about? “ your demand is light in touch, though your gaze holds an unrelenting strength as he looks towards you once more.

“ again, nothing that requires your concern. Midgardians, you worry too much. “

“ over things that can get the people we love into trouble, of course. “

His heart pauses in beating as the words seep into his mind, realising exactly what you spoke. Briefly, does he wonder if he misheard you, thought deep down he knows what you spoke.

“ did you ⎯ ? “ an unrecognisable vulnerability crosses his expression as he begins to ask what you had said, to hear it again as if for the first time.

A reddening of you cheeks can be seen, you look down with a sheepish grin. This had not been the way you had imagined using the love word. Of course, over the years of your life many things had not gone to plan, so this was just another instance in a long, long line of events that just got away from you. While you know there is something mutual, you can’t bring yourself to look upon him just yet.

“ you heard me correctly. “

Elation swells within him, even the thought of perhaps you would prefer Thor had you met him first could not creep more than a few feet before being banished from sight and mind, it’s not something he wants to entertain. Especially for what he has in mind to plan for the future. Instead, he allows himself to be engulfed in your love, to experience the last piece of goodness that has been reserved for him, knowing it won’t last.

All you feel from your dropped gaze is your nose being nudged by his, then the weight of his lips on your own. Moving together as if they are fighting to mould into one, fitting together so well. Both of you are left breathless, momentarily caught in the feeling of the other that oxygen is the last thing on your mind.

“ do not trouble yourself over events that have not come to pass yet. Especially on an evening as fine as this. “

The corner of your lips tilt higher as your turn away from him to peer over the surroundings you had briefly forgotten. The burnt colours had long since faded into darkness, the stars being the only light as they can only be likened to being glitter in the night’s sky. A true beauty.

“ I love nights like these, where you can see all of the stars. “

“ you’d be besotted with Asgard’s constellations. “

You’d settled back into the position you were in previously, with arms encompassing you protectively with your back secured firmly to his chest. Loki explains the beauty of Asgard, and how even in the day the stars can still be seen against the shining vividness of the colours of their sky. Quarrelling against the gold hues from both the sun and the palace he knows only as his home.

“ that sounds wonderful. “ you whisper, feeling fatigue sneaking its way to the forefront of your mind.

“ it truly is a beauty to see. “ agreeing with you, resting his head upon yours. Wishing nothing more than to be able to stay there in that moment forever.

“ I wish I could see it. I’m very jealous right now. “

He can feel you becoming increasingly drowsy, flattered that you would even let your guard enough to even allow sleep to touch you. Having you on Asgard would certainly make him a happier person, to have someone who isn’t his mother understand him would be freeing. Though his father would die before he allowed that to happen, a mortal on Asgard.

“ Perhaps one day. “

Loki can’t be sure if you even heard that, but it’s something he wants to entertain. Besides, what is the use of being a master of mischief and tricks if he couldn’t make such a desire come true?

[wayhvn]

twelve minutes

summary | jude could have imagined that playing chess with a vampire might have been difficult. they did not imagine that it would be quite this exhaustive.

or

 detective jude cain plays a particularly difficult game of chess with commanding agent ava du mortain 

pairing | mason x  jude cain (nb detective), the beginnings of / implications of ava x Jude, which could also be interpreted as a very close or caring friendship. mason ava love triangle route... jk. haha unless...???

word count | ~1.6k

rating | t for language to be safe! jude swears lmao.

tags | i am just going to tag some of my followers /mutuals if that is okay??? i do not know the etiquette for this kind of thing hahah so tell me if you do not want to be tagged I won’t be offended!! @raleighcarrera @agentfreckles @s-ewell @natehsewell @brightpinkpeppercorn 

authors note | WOW I AM NERVOUS this is my first time posting a piece of writing here!! im a huge fan of chess and i have always imagined that ava would be too. this was very fun for me. that being said, this is rough and a little unedited but i just wanted to stop putting it off and post it already!! 

Jude could have imagined that playing chess with a vampire might have been difficult. They did not imagine that it would be quite this exhaustive.

Though it was nearly the middle of the summer, the fireplace was roaring. The only source of light in the library, the orange flicker cast gold shadows across Ava’s cheekbones, her lips a tight unyielding line, straight above her chin. Her features, normally pallid in the light, were warmer now, controlled as ever before. She sat across from them, left ankle crossed over her right knee, the line of her body carefully folded taught, her brow furrowed. She hadn’t moved in nearly fifteen minutes. 

It was incredible, to her see her this still. Distracting, welcomed. Unit Bravo, the assembly that Jude had subconsciously categorized as their vampires, so permanently full of life, fluid in their movements and their expressions, rarely bothered to act as anything but human. Jude had forgotten how still any one of them could be, if only they would will it. Jude found themselves often forgetting the Unit’s capabilities. Nate, Ava, Farah, Mason- each could do any number of things unimaginable to Jude, if only they would will it. Jude hadn’t thought about it that way before. They wondered if this was a bad thing. 

So Ava sat, a fortress of her own making, made of blood and bone and particles that had been of this earth for nearly a thousand years. A millennium. 

The space felt cavernous in its silence, devoid of any other member of the unit, devoid of activity. It was easy for Jude to imagine that perhaps they were the only two in the Warehouse at all, that the entire building had cleared itself for just the both of them. 

“Are you very familiar with chess, detective?”

Jude swallowed, and slowly, nodded. “My mother taught me. I played in high school.”

“Was this before you were nearly expelled for your truancy, or after?”

They managed a laugh, something bare, and short. “You have jokes now, I see. Before, Agent Du Mortain. Before. Now are you going to make your move?”

“I have played chess with your mother for nearly a decade,” Ava mused. “She is much more patient an opponent.”

“Was she very good?”

Ava hesitated, before relenting. “I have had my losses to Rebecca, yes. She reinvigorated my enjoyment of the sport of it all.”

The fire cracked loudly, and Jude diverted their gaze to its growth. They licked their lips, shifting their shoulders.

“I forgot that you’ve known each other for so long.”

Ava’s lips twitched, before her face settled again. “I have not forgotten a single match against her.”

“You seem to not forget many things.”

“Of course not. It is nearly impossible.”

Jude did not know what to say. 

It was Ava, who broke the still. Her voice was quieter now, assured. 

“I did not, for instance, forget the state in which you came here.”

Jude resisted the urge to sigh. To scoff. To roll their eyes. To do anything but admit some form of defeat, at the hands of a friend that Ava had had for over one hundred years. They did not imagine that Ava would bring it up. In fact, she had asked Jude to play chess rather callously, disregarding the tears, the panic. It had been instrumental in helping them reacquire a sense of calm. 

Unforgiving in her persistence, she continued. “Mason has caused something of a mess,” Ava pursed her lips, and Jude could see that her teeth were clenched. “I imagined he would.”

Jude was certain that they would stand, resist the onslaught. “I don’t want to-“

Ava raised an eyebrow, an interruption in itself. “I received a concerned text from Nate. Who had a concerning conversation with the man in question.”

Jude felt their jaw sit tight, and they hunched their shoulders. They imagined to Ava’s specimen, they were about as intimidating as a fearful kitten. “I don’t want to know about it.”

This was not Ava giving up, and Jude knew that. But she did not respond, and it was a place of solace which Jude would accept. 

For now. 

“Are you familiar with Louis Paulsen’s 1857 match against Paul Morphy?”

Jude blinked, and straightened. Near a millennia, indeed. “No.”

Ava hummed. Jude blinked, and in the fraction of a second it had taken them to open their eyes, Ava’s position had completely changed. She was leaning forward now, shoulders horizontally parallel to her knees, her head resting in her hands. It was as though somebody had replaced a photograph with another photograph. She did not look as though she had moved, and yet, here she was, her entire body completely shifted. The firelight gave her eyes a dark cast, reminiscent of the sea. Her voice continued, languid, slow. “Morphy was an American, in a losing position. His structure was catastrophic, and Paulsen’s queen was about to demolish completely what strategy he had left.”

Ava raised her gaze, then, and Jude felt powerless to do anything but meet it. 

“Morphy took twelve minutes before making his next move,” Ava, perhaps unknowingly, let her tongue sweep across the bottom row of her teeth. Her lips were parted in what might hint at the very beginnings of a smile. “Twelve whole minutes. He had to assure himself that every possible combination afterwards was sound. Was safe, even knowing that chess is never safe, not truly. But he had to ensure, losses be damned, that he had a forced win, in every variation. Do you know what move he made, Detective Cain?”

Jude did not know why, but their heart was pounding, quickly, horribly, in their chest, as if uncertain it belonged in this confine of muscle at all. 

Their voice was raspy, dry, unsettled. “A sacrifice.”

Ava’s gaze was steady, terrible, unfaltering. The flames seemed to exist from inside of her, and nowhere else. Ava was a leader, unforgiving, tactical. Her voice was that of her title now, no trace of uncertainty or mutiny possible. Ava could not be wrong. Ava would be heard, and her demands would be met. This was Commanding Agent Du Mortain. A pantheon of her own assembly. This was the voice that war might render. “A queen sacrifice, Detective Cain. A loss of the most powerful piece on the board. Aimed to destroy the entire pawn structure of the side of the king.” 

Jude felt as though they could not breathe. They felt feverish, incapable. For a moment, the board in front of them made no sense, was a puzzle that had no complete answer. Jude was going to lose this game. The certainty of this, as insignificant as it might be, seemed overwhelming and inescapable. Ava had likely memorized as many of the hundreds of thousands of millions of billions of possible outcomes of every possible game. What else would a tactical commander do in her hundreds of years of spare time, with a mind endlessly more capable than that of a human’s? 

The chill, despite the summer breeze, as Jude had left the bakery. 

The confirmation of fear, wrapping their jacket tight around their midsection. The certainty of rejection. The certainly of solitude. 

The mounting of an internalized pressure system.

“Detective Cain,” Ava’s voice, grounded in something that was certain to be eternal, cut through the space that Jude had so effortlessly placed between them. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” Jude’s response was instant, automatic. 

An unstable chemical reaction. 

“Do not forget that I am perfectly capable of hearing your heart.”

An explosion. 

Jude knew that there were no pretenses here. Perhaps they had been wrong in assuming that Ava would play along. In hoping that it was all Ava would bother to do. 

In an action which Jude could not control, they were pushed to their feet. In one fell swoop, Jude’s arm had swept across the chess board, destroying their loss, destroying the evidence of their loss, ending the game in terms which made sense. Their voice was a hiss, a yell, something verging on a scream. Rage, unbridled, packaged so that it could not be recognized as fear.

“We weren’t even fucking! Because I didn’t want to fuck around for nothing, Ava! And now, fucking Haley thinks we were, and the whole fucking town thinks we were, and I look like a fucking idiot who was getting played with by their fucking coworker!”

Ava’s gaze had risen with Jude’s body, and she regarded the dismantled game in front of them with something that could only be equated to impatience. 

Ava had not lifted her chin from her hands. 

Jude waited, and when nothing happened, when nobody moved, Jude, shoulders heaving, took the first steps past the shelves that surrounded the couches. The door, outlined in that harsh, fluorescent light of the Warehouse, beckoned like a song. 

“Jude.”

Ava’s voice. Imploring. Undemanding. Forgiving. Pliant, and close. Without a whisper of a sound, Ava had stood, moved, and positioned herself directly behind Jude. If Jude wanted, they could stretch their hand back. Their fingers would touch her. Jude could touch her.

Jude stiffened. Jude stopped. Jude did not turn around. Jude did not touch her.

Ava spoke again.

“The greatest threat has been removed from the board. Mason cannot make a move like this again.”

Jude exhaled. It was a shudder. It was the beginning of something that Jude would not admit to. Speaking of this in terms of a game made it easier. Jude could distance from it. It was likely that Ava knew that. 

“I guess I just don’t know if I’ve lost yet.”

Ava did not say anything else. Or maybe she did. Jude didn’t know. 

Jude left the library.

[gg-astrology]

TWICE Im Nayeon - Overview

Hello! 💕 I’m back at it again with a TWICE overview!! 💕 Today I’m trying to work on Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Dahyun!! 💕💕 By the time I’m done with Nayeon’s though-- it’s quite late ;; So I’ll probably finish Jeongyeon and Dahyun’s tomorrow!! 💕💕💕 But please-- have a Virgo cutie pie today!! 💕💕💕

Masterlist  | Momo | Mina | Sana | Jihyo | Jeongyeon | Dahyun | 

Disclaimer: For unknown Birthtimes we’re going to use the standard 12.00pm --and as always, please read with your own discretion! 💕

September 22nd, 1995

Virgo Sun (3rd Decan/Taurus)

god don’t you just love a Virgo sun goddess??💕💕

Especially in the third decan -- the Virgo/Taurus Venusian beauty is such a joyful chill lovely being

Out of all the decans-- Virgo/Taurus may be the more social of the bunch, not overly social like a buzz buzz butterfly, but gracious and sociable. 

People approach them because they feel comfortable to be around-- they may look after you, but they also expect you to look after yourself. With a certain Venusian quality to them-- they may be adept at taking care of others in a nurturing way as well.

Caring-- basically, but not like-- naggy about it. Atleast not necessary, there’ll be moments sometimes where it comes out because they DO care about others and can’t help but worry for them-- but generally-- they may be the chillest-- willing to let things slide, but also stubborn in some area as well. 

Criticality is still there but it isn’t super prominent-- it comes out when it’s necessary, good listeners and a comforting shoulder to cry on. 

The type to tuck your hair behind your ear and put an arm comfortingly around your shoulder as they sit with you while you cry. That’s the kind of Virgo/Taurus decan is for people sometimes (*depends on other things as well)

Besides this-- Virgo in the 2nd decans also tend to be quite jovial. As in-- they’re fun loving, peaceful. Exudes a certain serenity to them despite the on-going anxiety/restlessness they feel as a mutable sign.

 Sometimes you can’t even tell they’re anxious about something because they give so much stability/structure to others that people are distracted away from it.  

Unlike the seriousness of Virgo/Capricorn decan or the curiousity/intellect of the Virgo/Virgo decan --- Virgo/Taurus tend to focus more on the self. Self-satisfaction, self-stability. Finding happiness in the small trivial things in life (maybe a butterfly, something they’ve seen today) -- it helps with curbing some of their anxiety but also to find balance. 

With the grace of Venusian decan they can often have an optimistic ‘I can do it!’ attitude. It’s a joy to be around--- because Virgos are essentially workers, they like to be productive. 

This sense of positivity to their general attitude/disposition certainly helps with landing them in many roles bc others react well when they seem co-operative/enthusiastic about it!

Y know-- like it’s their disposition. Besides being a ‘solid’ person to depend on bc of how calming/straight-forward thinking they can be (looking on what to do/step-by-step for the future) the type to go ‘ok, let me see if you’re feeling ok first. Then we can work on what to do next together’

Virgo/Taurus decan combines efficiency with hard-work. They aren’t afraid to work hard or put in effort in order to get to a stable/solid ground again. They’re loyal-- first and foremost. So if you think they’re going to ditch you you thought wrong.

They’re earnestly the type to help you up a semi-difficult hike, offering you their hand so you can get on the same level and work your way up together. Trusting and dedicated-- it’s that solid/stable core beneath their positive personality that makes them so likeable to many people.

Nayeon’s Virgo Sun in the 2nd decan can also be the kind of person whom-- when confronted with a problem, takes the time to process different perspective of how to approach it. 

Virgos pay attention to the details-- and in this case the details have more to do with a ‘situation’ at hand and how to tackle it. They aren’t looking at the result, or what would become after. They’re looking at the thing ‘solid’ thing they can grasps--- the problem/situation/thing that needs to be solved-- and then work on the process of resolving it in the way that they can.

Honesty and personal integrity comes with this placement--- as with many other Virgos-- those with Virgo Sun places a high expectancy to be as honest and ‘pure’ as possible. Pure-hearted in a way, they don’t want to be misunderstood or place other’s expectations too high/low unless they can take it/come through with it for them. 

Disappointment-- not just from themselves but from others around them is a harsh thing to take. So they set their own margins and work on succeeding in what they can do, working on things step by step until they can achieve the ‘overall’ picture as a ‘success’. 

With Mercury and Venus influencing her Sun -- there’s an expectancy and general happiness at ‘serving’ others. More so than the other decans-- this is about social/personal responsibility. Their actions influences those around them, and taking too much/too little is something they may be aware of. 

It’s about the equilibrium y know? Like Taurus-- imagine the bull minding it’s own business grazing on the field. It’s not hurting anyone unless threatened, and if it sees something that threatens it it doesn’t back down. 

Being considerate of others, if you want others to be considerate to yourself is also a thing they may be attuned with. Subconsciously or not-- there’s social etiquette or expectancy they agree with/work within in order to create a ‘system’ that benefits everyone. 

It’s about being fair and playing fair in this case-- where they can see, how certain action/inconsideration may hurt others so they hold back from doing so. They’re socially conscious in a way that they may not notice-- often it may just be intuitive (Mercury/Venus) and how they’re naturally picking up on these things without realizing. 

Trust that with the combination of Virgo/Taurus -- if something is seriously wrong/hurting/against their own values. They’re the type to politely point out why in a critical and straight-forward manner. 

Most of the time, they’re mild-mannered and peaceful. But that doesn’t mean she’s a push-over. She knows when and when not to do something-- she just has strong social nuance to her as well (people smart, but more like sociable smart. Naturally popular as well) 

Because she does have this Taurusean decan with her Virgo Sun--- there’s a strong inclination for Virgo/Taurus to seek pursuits that allows their creativity to shine through, or show them in a good light. Fashion, make up -- certain ‘materials’ that can enhance/showcase this creative pursuit is also something that may also interest them as well. 

Nayeon’s beautiful singing voice might also be attributed to how many Mercury decans and Venusian influences she has in her placements. 

In her sun-- that talks about the self, ego, purpose, esteem/confidence-- finding a ‘purpose’ for yourself also attribute to being able to be creative and non-restrictive. 

Virgos typically have pretty clear voices, depending on other things as well-- they can also have different shade/ranges to them. 

With Virgo/Taurus in her Sun (and in her context) -- there’s a steady-marching beat to her progress upward. Virgos-- like every other Virgo decans, may have a certain personal standards and assessment of quality (external) to them. With Taurus in the mix-- it’s finding quality of life. 

The main focus/goal of Virgo/Taurus is to find a high enough quality of work/life/personal philosophy that allows them to prosper at a ‘stable’ pace. It’s not about biting off more than you can chew, or putting herself in a place where she doesn’t have any ‘stability’. That’s a no-no since her anxiety would sky-rocket with how unstable her life is (and without support/socially as well -- Venusian sign after all) 

It’s about finding personal contentment--- pushing from the internal out (nocturnal signs) starting with a good ‘thinking/mind-set’ that they can carry and revisit/re-energize from whenever they feel lost/unbalanced. 

This internal ‘good mindset/thinking’ also helps with keeping the person humble, trying hard, friendly and not get big-headed. 

Taurus curbs some of Virgo’s over-thinking and stress/worries that can be obsessive or pointless. It’s a breath of fresh air that decisively cuts off terrible habits (that she might still have) and open your perspective. 

Simple questions like ‘Am I happy?’ or ‘Am I doing what makes me happy?’ --- simplification of things, certainly helps Virgo Suns out alot. Don’t overcomplicate it.  

Besides this-- Virgo/Taurus can also be very very patient/tolerant people. Not to the extent that they TAKE everything you throw at them, but if it’s working towards a purpose that is personally fulfilling to them (light at the end of the tunnel) -- they can take a lot of pressure before they break (given that they have enough stability/nurturing around them as well)

Honestly, I’d say having the girls around her is such a big part of what keeps this Virgo from not being lonely. 

Loneliness is always a thing that most Virgos suffer from. Isolated obsession/thoughts and can quickly become their personal demons sometimes, and increase anxiety/darkness inside of them that can affect their entire disposition quickly (like poison in the vein, spreading quickly). 

Virgo/Taurus takes a lot of things on their own, but don’t let them be alone. Don’t let them be lonely or lost in their own over-bearing thoughts by themselves. Sometimes they can sink too deep too fast, getting ‘stuck’ in their own ‘what do/to do = despair’. Mutables are sensitive--- make sure to look after them too. 

Last few notes on Virgo Sun in the Taurus decans-- they are amazingly warm-hearted and generous. Protective of those they love, but also appreciative of their efforts and ‘nature’. They’re the type of people (she’s the type of person) who doesn’t like pretenses or pretentiousness. 

Approaching her truthfully as you are --- with your shyness, nervousness, etc. Is endearing and shouldn’t be seen as a flaw. Because they’re so accepting and generous-- they’re selective with people who come to them. People who are willing to listen, to let down part of their shield and let themselves believe that there’s love, hope and betterment in the world (this they can teach them, but only if that person lets them.) 

Most of all--- they’re simply looking for people who are open and receptive. People who are just themselves, isn’t hiding or lashing out at others unnecessarily. 

Isn’t putting on airs--- god, people who put on airs or ‘pretend’ to have/be something they’re not probably piss them off the most. Most Virgos wouldn’t even engage with them-- and that’s the same with Nayeon here. 

You might think certain ‘pretenses’ like ‘let’s go on this holiday’ or ‘lets do something together’ is unnecessary--- but for Virgo/Taurus sometimes this is just a way to find fulfillment and emotional bond with people. 

Given they aren’t the most emotional of people (by themselves, often logical/rational people more than you realize/when it comes to serious decisions) but this is engagement. 

It’s something that creates memories or experiences with people, it’s something that isn’t showy/out-there but can make a huge difference in the dynamic if you indulge them or allow them to do this with you. They literally never ask for anymore more than just--- experiences with you, good memories and getting to know you better. This is all they ask for. So let them do it with you. 

Leo Moon (3rd Decan/Aries)

Lovely!!! 💕 They are so lovely I love Leo Moons!! 💕💕💕💕

Leo brings a certain stability to the Virgo Sun above-- if all else fails, this Leo Moon will shut down everything else in order to get Shit Done even if it’s themselves/their own emotions (compartmentalize/internalize emotions sometimes) 

Charming, affectionate and loyal --- Leo Moons don’t give themselves enough credit even when they deserve to be loved the way they want to be. 

They are rather romantic, and sometimes they can often re-enact something out or speak to inanimate things if their other placement/aspects fit into that as well (kinda like, self-expression by themselves that makes others who observe them kinda go ????) 

Leo is also a fire-moon, so self-expression is a big thing for this people. Particularly, when it comes to performing/performance-- these people may naturally attract people to them because of how naturally alluring they are. 

Alluring as in their vitality and liveliness-- in the third decan of Aries-- it’s about will-power and ‘standing out’ even when they’re not doing anything. 

Aries as a cardinal sign ‘leads’ others naturally-- it helps Leo’s ‘stability’ in a way that-- if others are lost/lose track of what to do-- this Leo/Aries can naturally ‘show’ them where to go/what to do even without doing anything ‘out of the norm’ themselves.

It’s -- well, Leo Moons aren’t always out-going by themselves. It’s more to do with comfort and personal fulfillment. They don’t have to be the center of attention-- even when they’re loud-- it doesn’t mean they want attention to be on them. 

It’s more to do with how comfortable they are with the people around them, with themselves. How empowered they feel by the situation/environment or those around them/themselves. 

It has to do with self-empowerment, how receptive people are to them. Because they can be sensitive and shy if people aren’t receptive to them-- and may often hold themselves back because of that as well.

The Lion isn’t the one who demands people respect them/abide to them. They rule by just being themselves, by being selected. They have a sense of self, but also has a respect for the public opinion as well. And Leo people are the same as well. 

With that said-- there’s something to be said about Leo Moons because they like to be comical when they’re comfortable. They make expressions (self-expressive) they make jokes, they co-operate with you if you ask them for help with anything. 

They’re generous people-- and with the Moon ruling emotionality, being able to offer a slice of happiness/joviality to others and being able to ‘give’ certain help fulfill a sense of Leo pride as well 💕

Often times, you might find yourself with a Leo Moon friend who although they stick to themselves-- is actually rather down-to-earth and chill to hang out with. Most Leo Moons don’t hold themselves above others, it’s just the impression they give off that deters people away sometimes. 

But Leo Moons are people who re-affirms you, who gives you courage and strength, who looks you in the eye and tell you they believe in you. 

They’re the type to celebrate your victories with you, cheer you on and genuinely encourage you to get out of your shell/insecurities. They can be insensitive when it comes to themselves-- but they are always supportive/encouraging when it comes to small victories with your progress as well.

The ‘noble’ nature of Leos when applied to social realms/people around them has more to do with how they protect and nurture those around them. Almost like a guardian, although childish/silly by nature-- they embody both of the kiddish side and the side that understands responsibilities as well.

Leo is a social sign y know, they have a domain they look after-- the people they care about, their joys/support-- these people mean alot to them. And their appreciation/acceptance of the Leo’s natural playfulness is something Leo Moon can be sensitive about.

The ‘controlling’ side of Leos that has to do with their fixed/fire nature-- the side that may be a little possessive or protective of others-- comes when it applies to themselves. 

If they themselves feel needy, feels threatened, feel unappreciated or undeserving of something. They grow frustrated and sometimes-- they retain that energy inwards into personal frustration.

They can lash out sometimes-- but most of the time you might just see them being pouty/whiny or sulky. They may try to ‘lighten’ the topic even if it hurts them more than they let on. 

Being ‘too’ emotional is still a thing they are wary of (fire signs and vulnerabilities smh)-- so if they feel like their burdens are affecting others emotionally as well-- they may sometimes freak out bc they don’t know how to go about it from there ksjdnkj

It’s cute... but also like, they can be a little demanding and needy too. They seek to ‘do right’ by people-- and that can become judging/trying to nudge others into a better direction for themselves the way they see it. 

Leo Moon ultimately wants the best for someone they care about-- but sometimes they can be focused on ‘getting them out of this situation’ that they can miscalculate the long-term effect/consequence of it as well.

Kinda like.... this is a problem, the person is crying because of it. Leo Moon moves in to comfort and pull/nudge them to get out and solve that problem--- but the problem isn’t resolved with just face-value sometimes. 

It might need a little more introspection, a little more self-evaluation. There may be reason why it lingered as long as it did for that person without the Leo Moon realizing that y know?

Some problems aren’t for them to solve-- but for the Leo Moons themselves, their own happiness and resolving immediate issues works best for them. Long-term problem/situations can be resolved over time-- they are a fixed sign after all. 

If hurt by a situation-- they can sometimes retain or get hung up on it because it hurts them emotionally. With a fire/fixed sign, sometimes it’s about how they use that fuel to empower them forward.

There’s a natural inclination to ‘do’ things in order to move away from it, but they also need to learn how to resolve things fully within themselves. 

They might not realize they are constantly referring/acting back on the problem in a cycle without resolving the issue that started everything, communication sometimes-- is something that they avoid because they want to just move past/be chill with everything even when it bothers them.

Kinda like if you had a bad experience with this one person--- you move on but you don’t forget. Yet somehow, the people around you realize you’re hurt about this more than YOU realize it. Your actions/words are sometimes referring back to that situation/experience.

Self-awareness is something the Leo can learn and benefit from. Because they can sometimes retain things without realizing-- and thus, learning how to take notice and be aware of their emotional burdens regarding social/others is also crucial from them.

It’s that urge to ‘make things right’ with Leos that makes them stay ‘stuck’ in a problem sometimes. It builds up frustration as well-- whether it’s from lack of action/progression or from unresolved issue/something they have to deal with. 

Ok anyways... let’s talk about Leo/Aries again ksjsknk with Leo in the Aries decan-- these people can be quite daring as well. 

With the power of Mars behind them, they are mischievous sometimes and also ambitious when they put their minds to it. Competitiveness should be done in fair-sports, and they’re someone who enjoys encouragements from others who are their ‘equals’ to motivate each other to do better and better each time.

Kinda like camaraderie-- in good sportsmanship it happens where you grow to be self-confident in yourself when you have good encouragement and competition around you as well. 

It’s that built of trust, respect and reliance on each other’s strength that lifts up the Leo/Aries Moon on it’s own. They believe in other people’s strength, and when people believe in their strength that’s independent from them (self-reliant) they prosper best and shine bright as well. 

They believe in the good hard grind-- since working hard allows them to relax and be less stressed as well. A good day at work means that they’ve shown/given their best/what they’ve got. The reward at the end-- is just simply good feelings and enjoying each other’s company without jealousy and pretenses. 

These people are more active than they realize-- with Aries as their decan, they sometimes don’t realize their sociability power is alot more than they give themselves credit for. On off days-- they can sometimes spend period of time adventuring with friends, take a chance, travel. See things. 

Leo Moon also loves learning, new things, experiences. They’re enthusiastic even if it’s low-key, but genuinely curious about growing/seeing new sights and places and people that they haven’t seen/met before. They’re much more ‘daring’ than they realize this way as well skjnskjkss

One thing that should be note-- is that Leo/Aries would want to see whatever they put their effort/hard work into bear fruits and actually manifest into palpable thing. There’s no happiness in something that flunks and fails-- they like results. 

Their fiery part can sometimes surface a lot more when they see something going wrong despite their efforts into it --- the controlling part of Leo comes out full-force, managing and organizing the process until they can get the ‘result’ they wanted.

With tremendous power-- it comes to say that they may often prefer those who are clever and insightful. Scorpios in particular-- tend to soothe this Leo/Aries nature better because 1) they are just as intense and 2) they understand their work-ethic, yet they are much cooler emotionally than the Leo as well. 

It’s a sense of balance-- since Aries/Libra would talk about that as well. But finding someone who ‘complements’ or balance the enthusiastic Leo Moon well with their insights and temperament makes it easier for the Leo/Aries to ‘be themselves’ and move forward the way they want-- 

They ‘trust’ the other person will be able to match them independently as well, and they don’t have to ‘slow down’ or ‘hold back’ with them.         

Libra Mercury (3rd decan/Gemini)

We’re finally at the meat of the placements, with Nayeon she gives off a lot of Venusian vibes because she has it in her Mercury and ALSO her Venus (1st decan there)

Besides this-- it also complements her Virgo/Leo combination as well. As someone who’s genuinely curious about others, and often an excellent listener --- she knows when to give advice and when to NOT. 

This is important, because most people don’t know when to NOT give advice. A part of being good at communicating is knowing what others need -- and in some cases, learning how to NOT give an opinion/advice is more helpful to the overall progress than doling it out anyways. 

It’s not about ‘predicting’ what others want/need to hear-- whether we think it’s the cold harsh truth or soothing helpful words-- Libra is about being truthful and honest. 

It’s not about holding the self back, but rather having the space/time to process and learn from different perspective in order to make a decision in the end.

It’s organization and effective planning essentially-- before you decide to ‘tackle’ or ‘do’ something about a situation --- you might want to see it through and get a clear plan out first.

As a cardinal sign and ‘doing things’-- Libra in this sense is more about gathering information and processing them. 

‘Action’ doesn’t always have to be palpable like how we see Aries/Capricorn do it-- ‘action’ can also be ‘pre-action/planning’ and internal action taking place. 

With Libra Mercury -- there’s always a consideration for ‘others’, what’s it like in other people’s shoes? How would they see it, how would they feel

A lot of the Libra’s indecision has more to do with being ‘thorough’-- or rather, as ‘thorough’ as they can get (perfectionist streak) 

They like to weigh perspectives, often times they can also fear retaliation/feedback to an extent --- if someone starts pointing out something that ‘attacks’ them (the consequences/repercussions)-- they feel guilty about not putting that into consideration (that’s on their work-ethic) 

On the other hand, they work extremely hard to be thoughtful and considerate-- going the extra mile to make sure it comes across the way they want it to be. Crafted, mindful. 

Their intention is there-- but if the consequences/repercussion happens (being attacked or not being heard, things escalating) then they’ll have to resort to different tactics--- persuasion and manipulation to get what they want (charm)

It can be minor-- or it can be dangerous. But there’s also a sense of passive-aggression sometimes in the way they direct this outwards. 

Persuasiveness is only half the thing, the other half is compulsion and sometimes that requires ‘intent’ that stems from passive-aggressiveness.

Sometimes-- it can just be being Diabolical. If you think your Libra friends are nice, think again. They know what they’re doing behind the scene even if they aren’t overt about it.

@rkkive just described this to me:  ‘presenting it to them as a better option; ‘why have this when you can have that?”’

That pretty much describes persuasion tactics they sometimes use. Whether it’s jokingly, serious, just for fun or whatever purpose its for. Sometimes its just a point of strategy--- nothing personal, it’s just how to come out on top after all (don’t like losing)

Whilst people talk a lot about Libra’s ability to compromise-- more prominently is in their ability to NOT compromise but rather switch tactics. Distract, divert or smarter/less-overt way to get what they want without letting people know that their feathers are ruffled. They’re immensely smart-- but it’s up to your own wit whether you ‘catch’ them or not. 

For all the saying that Libra is peaceful or ‘pushovers’ -- sometimes they’re just plain bratty. 

There’s no denying this-- the ‘peaceful’ aspect is more about ‘equilibrium’ and frustration with the lack of it can cause a lot more mayhem and diabolical nature to come through. 

They’re only ‘pushovers’ as much as they just let people ‘think’ that about them-- whilst they know there’s inner power/control in how they work/present certain things to get what they want in the end. 

They like debate, they like Winning. You think Aries are the only ones who can fight? Think again. Libras are also fighters but only when the fight is in their court. Why try to fight in someone else’s when you have a better chance winning in yours? It’s strategy (think smart)

Anyways-- Libra/Gemini decan are very chatty, sometimes they’re just easy to talk to. People might approach and think they’re close, reveal things to them without Nayeon even asking. 

The effect of Venus/Mercury honestly gives you a person who essentially--- finds themselves in the middle of ‘locals’ telling them their stories without even asking for it. There’s an easy-going nature and trust-worthiness about her because of how ‘truthful’ she seems-- reliable and dependable by others.

Yet at the same time, for the Libra/Gemini themselves-- they may be taken off-guard by ‘why’ people are telling them these things because to them-- they are just being cordial y know?

When there’s Gemini involved, gestures can sometimes be used to communicate efficiently (if Leo Moon brings excitement, sometimes it’s in her motions/showing excitement as well) rapid conversations over long-period of time is common for people of these decan. 

Whilst Libra of other decans can sometime tire or need rest-- Libra Mercury in the 2nd decan can talk for looong period of times if they’re genuinely interested and kept stimulated by their conversation partner. 

Part of why Nayeon is so well-loved is how well she presents herself right? She’s a smart lady, tactful and funny. She knows when to be uplifting, comforting, when to be respectful. She knows boundaries bc she has them herself, and she understand/relies on others to support her as well.

Partnership is a big part in Libra’s behaviour-- no it doesn’t always mean it has to be ‘romantic’ or ‘clingy’ -- it just means you rely on others for mental rapport as well as your own. That you become ‘strength’ to others in some ways-- because Libra Mercury may often find themselves helping others more than themselves/disclosing parts of themselves sometimes. 

With this said, Libra Mercury is a good placement because her head is screwed on to follow rational, logical reasoning rather than emotions/feelings the heart sometimes. 

Her distance-- the gathering of perspective-- also serves to make a ‘bigger view’ plan of action to those involved/could benefit from. 

Instead of behaving brashly-- she may be more of the type to argue to wait, or strategize/plan better before moving forward with something (voice of reason/patience). 

This rational/logical part also means that sometimes-- she’s ‘colder’ than we see her as well. Knowledge is power, and sometimes you have to be able to make ‘cold’ decisions in order to move/progress forward. 

With the combination of Virgo/Libra-- I don’t doubt she’s much more logical, critical and rational than she lets on (a smart lady!) 💕   

Libra Venus (1st Decan)

Next we’re onto the lovely Libra Venus!! 💕 With Libra being domicile here, AND in it’s first degree-- Nayeon gets the full effect of Libra in her placement 💕💕💕

Kindness and charitable quality is often a hallmark of these people-- although less loud and more understated than Sagittarius/Piscean/Jupiterian usually (charitable/generousity) -- the ‘kindness’ that Libras shows to those around them and their social/environment often touches the heart of others.

They’re subtle, down to earth. Often times they garner admirers to them because of how chill and ‘next-door’ type they are. These people often comes across as someone who you can meet in your everyday life, accessible yet mentally and emotionally occupied skjksnks

As in -- YOU might think you stand a chance, but in reality these Libra Venusian are kinda pre-occupied already with their mental engagement. They’re an air-sign, air cardinal even. If you think they’re going to wait around for you to ‘catch’ them then you thought wrong.

Their air-ness gives them a mental kind of engagement. To love a Libra you also have to have their interest first, before they capture yours. A part of what Libra’s like is that they aren’t limiting themselves-- so if you think you’re good enough for them, whoops maybe you thought wrong because they haven’t seen everything you have to offer.  

Certain things like your mannerism, your lack of thought, certain actions can turn them off just like that. It takes a while for relationship to build and develop-- at least to the point where they’re ‘alright’ being with someone. This is the realm of the mind-- how are you supposed to Know you like someone until you can see them clearly for who they are, how they act, or any little thing that might piss you off??

Think logically--- don’t be blinded by your rose-googled vision. Some people let traits of their lovers slide because they were pre-occupied with loving them already, but that might turn out to be more of a ‘trouble’ point when the rose-google leaves y know? The Libra Venusian makes sure that they aren’t compromising themselves, that this person really isn’t going to piss them off or annoy them in the future. 

You have to have a certain stability/certainty in order to ‘trust’ someone. And a Libra ‘trusting’ you and being with you in a relationship is only the first step to them opening the door for feelings to bubble up, y know?

That’s like.... you’re doing prep-work, ‘intro to liking’ course instead of falling into a relationship right now immediately. These things takes time and effort-- co-operation and concentration. You have to be on equal grounds and understanding with the Libra.

And yeah, maybe it’s not the most romantic thing if you’re a very gung-ho romantic person who has a lot of feelings. But trust that it has it’s perks-- if a relationship doesn’t work out, then the ending will be mutual/less hurtful. And if it continues-- then it’ll be stable, strong and grounded/balanced in how you work together. 

It’s not all cut and dry-- you just gotta learn how to appreciate the quality they bring to the relationship as well. They ARE kind and often fair to you, and they ARE willing to listen, learn, adjust and accommodate you with their generosity. They just aren’t ‘fooled’ by the rose-googled vision. So you have to accept that about them as well. 

Their willingness in particular --- is a quality you should consider as part of their best trait. They’re willing to try things out for you, with you. They’re willing to listen and possibly work things out. As long as you have the same kind of decency, respect and gentleness they show you. Alot of the time they can appreciate what YOU bring, just as long as you appreciate what they bring (complement yours) as well. 

Being dismissive of a Libra’s effort and strength-- their subtle charm and offers is something they WILL probably be offended by. The thing above about ‘decency’ is important--- because often times, the Libra WILL have visions for where the relationship is going and what to expect. 

They’re planners and analyzers-- if they feel like you’re hurting them, out to hurt them or is taking advantage of them somehow/not pulling your weight-- they WILL become passive-aggressive and more resentful as well to retaliate (mirror/reflection). 

I really can’t understate how much Libra Venus will share with you -- personal, objective, anything really. If they trust you, and like you-- they will be generous with you to the point where you essentially have someone who cares about you in a way you’ve never had before (partnership) 

This isn’t like a motherly/fatherly or sibling ‘nurture’ -- this is a partnership nurture. Where you’re on equal grounds, there’s no ‘familial’ relationship to rely on. They’re just-- great at making sure you know where you stand with them when this is the case.

With the combination of Leo as well-- Nayeon may often be a good nurturer as well as someone who likes to be nurtured. This in essence is ‘sharing’ -- sharing of affection, sharing of thoughts/rapport and trust. This is how she self-expresses her affection for others-- being considerate, taken care of. 

Being thoughtful and mindful, complementing each other in ways they ‘make up’ for each other. It’s about that partnership--- and appreciation for what SHE has (Leo Moon) that the other person DOESN’T have that makes them ‘fit’ together well. 

Scorpio Mars (1st Decan)

Ooooof we’re finally here at Scorpio Mars!! 

With Scorpio Mars-- there’s a high concentration power, self-will and self-drive. Sometimes they can be prone to ‘shutting down’ everything else and working on something-- tunnel-vision can sometimes be common in Scorpios

In Mars (where Scorpio is domicile) whenever they’re stressed they may also keep to themselves. Quiet-natured although not necessarily stressed, just collected. You can tell when a Scorpio Mars is concentrating because they become less talkative, more focused on action/doing and that’s usually a sign that this Mars is working here.

There’s no need to be so flashy or wordy when you just have to put your money where your mouth is. With Scorpio Mars-- it’s more about demonstration, doing, ‘proving’ that they can achieve the final product. Not to gloat in anyone’s face or anything like that-- but rather for their own personal satisfaction instead.

See-- because Scorpio is a water/fixed sign, there’s an essence of ‘deep-rooted’ ness to their nature. Work hard, be conscious. Put in effort. It’s intuitively driven in a way--- the part where they’re essentially the Terminators and doesn’t stop until their battery runs out. 

Self-control is something that --- whilst they DO have (in the context that they’re self-contained) they’ll need to learn when ‘done is done’ and not get frustrated at themselves when they literally DON’T have to exert themselves so much to get the result.

In this case-- it’s more like the satisfaction of working harder but not necessarily smarter. These Scorpio Mars can be in it for the Good Grind-- and essentially, when they FEEL like they haven’t done ‘enough work’ to ‘deserve’ something, they get frustrated for this reason alone.

They WANT to grind-- that’s the thing. They’re closeted gym rats without talking about it. Whether it’s desk-work, research, essays, gym, work out etc. When it requires concentration it becomes ‘work’. 

And ‘work’ in this sense isn’t the Capricorn thing where its WORK work-- this is work in the sense that they want to put their power/energy into it just for the sake of self-expression, of being able to do so and ‘work’ on something. This is a love for the PROCESS of working, not necessarily the result. They LIKE ‘working hard’ -- that expulsion of energy and getting/grabbing a result from their own power.

Y know, like instead of seeing it as something that would eventually float up to them without doing anything-- this is more about the power to DO something in order to get it. To not wait around for it to happen but rather-- be in CONTROL of the situation and get shit done about it.

With Scorpios it’s like they seek external control through bringing the internal out. Compared to Taurus-- who seeks internal control through the external. They are in essence-- oppositions in this case. 

That’s why when the Scorpio Mars are the quietest-- when they’re cool and controlled on the external is when they’re keeping themselves from dealing out the final blow. And that’s when they’re essentially the scariest as well-- because Scorpio will Not mince itself up for others. 

They can be quite competitive-- and possessive-- but quietly so. They don’t necessarily feel ok with airing their dirty laundries or every feelings they have. Especially ones that they’re aiming to ‘overcome/achieve or win’ over. 

This plays a lot in their concentrating power as well-- as they can sometimes be ‘obsessed’ with something and put their concentration on that instead. There may be phrases where she just gets into THIS thing in particular and binge on it. Things like that can happen as well. 

Since they’re intuition heavy-- sometimes they can close their eyes and just pick from gut-feelings as well. If all else fails-- if their Libras gets too much, their Virgo too buzzed and their Leo has left the building--- this Scorpio Mars makes the final decision.

As a singleton in her chart-- everything else might be measured against this Scorpio Mars as well. As in -- her Virgo, her Leo and her Libra will have to measure up to this Scorpio Mars that can be prominent in her self. Sometimes secretive, self-controlled/contained and somewhat will-full. She’s much more stubborn (Leo/Scorpio) than she realizes.  

Conclusion

Not only is she so lovable-- she retains a youthful energy to her (child-like) because her Sun is opposition to Saturn (Pisces)

There’s three things to talk about here, first is that ‘no im an adult but im a YOUNG adult’ energy about her-- yes, responsibility and all that. But it emphasize the fun-loving part even more. There may be rejection of authority/regulations along the line-- making her quite the troublemaker/mischevious playful person she is as well

Second is that Virgo/Pisces opposition-- with this, her natural self-expression/showing vulnerabilities and emotionality is actually a little in conflict. As in-- she may be hyper-sensitive sometimes, but may not always like that about herself (mutable) sometimes working through this means confronting what Saturn in Pisces means. 

People with Saturn in Pisces may often have had their creative self-expression stifled/told that it’s not what others wanted in the past. Thus, they stifle themselves going forward. In Nayeon’s case-- it might be to do with her singing abilities as a part of her creative expression (or the way she dress, present herself, her artistic work, whatever people nit-picked her on) --- they’re sensitive people. And thus-- sometimes it carries through into adulthood and insecurities about themselves. Feeling uncomfortable showing certain vulnerabilities/range of expression can also be common for these people as well.

Third--- is Sun/Saturn opposition which can often make someone a little more self-conscious of themselves. They may sometimes think a problem is a big spectacle that made them super embarrassed cause everyone’s laughing at them/saw it-- but is actually just them being harsh on themselves and less ‘serious’ than they think it is. They may also dwell a little on the insecure side-- a little hesitant to do things because there’s so many oppositions/consequences and they’re not an extremely confrontational/offensive person. 

For the people with these placements--- allowing yourself to work through the blockage by self-affirmation and truly believing that you ‘deserve’ things is important to you. Your Saturn is holding/restricting your ego (the Sun) to a degree where it can sometimes be unnecessary. So working through that is important

There’s a fear of unblocking that and then finding out she isn’t so ‘humble’ anymore-- but these people also have to realize ‘confidence’ isn’t the same as ‘arrogance.’ They fear themselves the most-- their behaviour, of how people view them. Perhaps not realizing they were being ‘arrogant’ when they really weren’t (and should stop listening to people who tell/project their insecurities onto them)

Nayeon is also--- super smart?? like she has her Sun/Pluto (sextile) and Sun/Uranus (trine) but what’s holding her back is her own modesty/parenting herself (Sun/Saturn above) -- she can quickly resolve issues, figure out a puzzle, is quick-thinking when she wants to be (Virgo after all) 

Her Moon is square to Pluto-- which can often exemplify this Leo Moon nature a lot. We see it in her persona, who she is. How playful and cute she is, affectionate and lovable. This is Leo Moon when it’s comfortable (which I’m glad she is!) at the same time-- there’s a distinctive private/public persona in which ‘controlling’ certain emotions and personal feelings is concerned. 

She can be tumultuous sometimes, heightened emotions and lash out. Even when she doesn’t realize it-- because her Leo Moon/Scorpio Pluto is pretty strong-- it can create a very dynamic person who pushes/aggresses others even when her Libra keeps her back in other context/time. 

Because her Mercury is square to Neptune/Uranus (Capricorn) -- she can often times take on a route that’s more ‘Capricornion’ sometimes-- that is, grounding herself in the root making things seems ‘objective’ or ‘favourable’ in the sense that it better business moves. Libra in essence can ‘adapt’ certain things to use with it’s tactic/intent-- and in this case, sometimes it’s using it’s foe as a point of attack/technique instead.  

Alrighty 💕💕💕 That’s all for the lovely Nayeon!! 💕💕💕 I hope this makes you feel like you got to know her better, and kinda-- help out with understanding her a bit more!! 💕💕💕💕 Tomorrow I’ll have Jeongyeon and Dahyun out!! 💕💕 

[lightshielded]

guy im writing out the summary of the laws of stone and i CAN’T fathom how sylas even has followers. like riot has fractured demacian lore with a few sentences and actually made demacia kinda chill to live in as a mage before the events of him breaking out compared to the lore we had before. not saying it’s great just better than the other lore.

“You’ve been here before, then, lord seeker?” said Cithria, after Gunthar ordered the soldiers to follow the mageseeker’s directions. The mageseeker nodded.

“A young girl lived here,” he said. “Powerful mage.”

“You… captured her?” said Cithria, wide-eyed.

“She gave herself in,” chimed in Arno. “She was benign. Registered. Normally, one such as her wouldn’t be taken in, but ever since—”

“Arno!” snapped Cadstone.

The younger mageseeker fell quiet, looking chastened.

. . .

“You took her daughter…” Cithria breathed, looking at Cadstone.

The mageseeker nodded grimly.

“We had to,” he said. “The law was amended. Any citizen with known magical power, benign or otherwise, is now ordered to be brought in for judgment. Every mage in the kingdom.”

“She was just a girl!” shouted the woman, jabbing her crossbow in the mageseeker’s direction. “You locked her away! With all those criminals! Or maybe she has been exiled and is out beyond the borders, alone! You condemned her!”

the fact that the law was amended means that the current state wasn’t how it is currently. and the fact that he mentions ‘ benign or otherwise ’ means BENIGN magic citizens used to be CHILL in demacia as long as they followed the laws of stone aka don’t USE magic. you can have it, be as powerful as you like, just don’t use it within the borders. control yourself. also the previous bit which says a benign and registered mage wouldn’t be brought in, they were fine but the laws have changed which also supports this.

like even the mother knows those locked there were CRIMINAL mages either just minor or MAJOR idk but her actions seem like they might be major criminal mages and like her daughter isn’t one we can all agree. even the mageseeker knows but as he says later the law is the law and he had to follow it ( and then the mother rightfully says the law is wrong ).

“You have been a guest within the borders of Demacia before, have you not?” said Cadstone, without any pretense of small talk. “You are aware of the Laws of Stone?”

“Yes, I have been here before, good seeker,” said Arjen, “and I am aware of your kingdom’s rules and regulations. I shall honor the Laws of Stone and make no use of my… talents… while within your realm. I give you my word.”

“Good,” said Cadstone. “Mageseeker Arno and I will be with you, from now until the moment you leave Demacia. It is our task to hold you to your word. Know that there will be repercussions if you do not abide by our laws. But if you abstain from using your… talents, as you call them… then all will be well.”

and we don’t even know if this mageseeker escort existed before the laws were amended. foreign mages might have just had to alert the authorities like demacian citizens did then do their stuff and maybe have escorts if they were envoys. like the implication of a mageseeker ASKING if he has been to demacia before implies that he has NEVER been escorted by a mageseeker before.

ESSENTIALLY, this new lore implies that the harsh treatment of mages ( that we were used to in demacia ) is due to sylas killing all those people in demacia. this is shown by this which gives as a point on the timeline and what the soldiers themselves think.

“Why send us all the way out here?” said the soldier leaning against the wall of the gatehouse, arms folded across his chest. “There’s blood on the streets of the Great City, and we’re sent to the border?”

. . .

It was only a month since the rogue mage Sylas had escaped imprisonment and ripped the heart of Demacia apart. That insane, horrifically powerful rebel had ignited a wave of unrest across the kingdom, and even now the Great City was locked down, the military controlling the streets to ensure order.

which means he is responsible for most of the CURRENT suffering of mages like that girl being ripped away and either locked up and exiled ( if you recall those were the punishments of mages in lux’s lore so they must have been ‘criminal’ mages ).

and then you might ask ‘ but what about sylas, he was used by the mageseekers to find other mages. ’ yeah so he turned himself in like that girl did but he wasn’t exiled or locked away because he was benign. if it wasn’t for his particular gift he would have been returned home after being registered just like that girl would have. instead they saw his gifts useful in finding CRIMINAL mages. note, he was following those that USED their magic and so broke the laws of stone. this skews his view quite a bit as the punishment for breaking the laws of stone is exile or imprisonment which becomes death should you attack the mageseeker as they will defend themselves or they will die and then they are branded a murderer which is ALSO a death sentence in demacia if you read ‘ for demacia ‘.

so due to being used as a sniffer dog to track down criminal mages he saw only the treatment of criminal mages and suffered at the hands of the most prejudiced in demacia  he has a very warped view point towards the entirety. so when he breaks out, AND CAUSES THE LAWS TO BECOME STRICTER, he finds himself justified as now all mages have that horrible treatment even if he was ultimately the cause.

and my issue is wouldn’t most mages know this? that the laws changed right after? which makes me believe that he has an army of youths and old criminals ( where the crime was USING their magic ). cause at least to me, no person who knows someone has lead to a deepening of their suffering would join them. y’know?

but it also kinda helps explain sona to me. why sona’s adoptive mother would bring her to demaica, a magic hating nation. and that answer seems to be, because it WASN’T as bad as it was now. like idk. maybe she is dumb or malicious and doesn’t care about sona. but i don’t know. i think it just wasn’t as bad and that having a magic daughter ( as long as she didn’t use the magic ) wasn’t an issue. idk. all this changing lore and changing law is very confusing.

AND AN ADDITION! it also explains shyvana. why jarvan didn’t seem too fazed about her being a half - dragon. it only says he was raised to distrust magic and that his people are suspicious of it. NOT OUT RIGHT HATEFUL AS THEY ARE NOW. even the villagers only were scared when she turned into a dragon and jarvan was able to calm them down. like her being a dragon was LESS of an issue as it is NOW. people were suspicious of her, but now her life is in danger and rioters note she is keeping on the down low.

why must i have a political muse and a need to understand everything about him / his home?

[thetrashywritingwitch]

aaah omg i loved the todoroki and overworking scenario so much ????? thank you !!! if you have time, could you maybe write a scenario of him confronting the people who ask the reader to do their work and stuff and point out how exhausted they are all the time? thank you !!!!! please take good care of yourself 💘💘💘

Link to original ask!

YOU TOO ANON I’M JUST TIRED CUZ IM OOOOOOLD hah drink water get sleep get a massage take a bubble bath my dudes just chiiiiilllll today

After seeing you so worn down and tired, and knowing you were too nice of a person to directly confront the people involved, Todoroki decided to take it upon himself to make sure you weren’t the one doing other people’s work anymore. 

It took some subtle - or not so subtle - coaxing to get you to spill the names of the ones bothering you all the time. 

“Shouto, please don’t do anything…I was just trying to help.”

“I know you were, because you’re a nice person. But they should know better than to take advantage of kindness when too openly offered.” You sighed but knew he would get the names one way or another as you rattled them off and he nodded in time with your voice, memorizing them and noting what classes they were in. 

He managed to catch most of them gathered in a group at lunch one day. Todoroki was terrible at being subtle, so he didn’t even attempt to hide his agitation as he sauntered up to them in the cafeteria. 

“Oh, whose-”

“Shit, isn’t that-”

“Uh…”

The group made to move from their table, but an immediate chill hit the air freezing their blood cold as Todoroki sauntered up and blocked their path. 

“Let’s have a chat,” he said a little too coolly. He doesn’t bother sitting

“Y-yeah sure! No p-problem,” one of them manages to mutter out through clattering teeth. 

“I hear you’re the ones who’ve been giving - no, pushing is more the word - all your homework on (y/n). Is that right?”

No one answers and half of the group avoids his gaze, giving him all the answer he needs. 

“I see. She’s quite tired, you know. Doing all your work for you, giving you good grades under false pretenses. It makes me upset to see her struggle because she’s too kind to turn down someone wanting a favor, even if that favor is selfish. So she won’t anymore…understand?” It wasn’t phrased as a question. 

Todoroki thawed the air just enough to let them nod their head vigorously, a round of agreements and assurances echoing at the lunch table. 

“Absolutely!”

“We won’t bother her anymore!”

“We promise!”

“Good,” was all Todoroki said before walking off, turning on his heel without so much as a second glance in their direction. 

[bsd-bibliophile]

I have read the prologue of No Longer Human (im still in the process of reading) and it took me by surprise because I already love it

I am so glad you are loving No Longer Human! Dazai-sensei has such a unique and gripping style! I hope you can love the rest of the book just as much or more!

The First Photograph

As I’m sure you know, the first of the three photographs mentioned is definitely based on a photograph of Dazai when he was a child, so it has become quite famous because of that:

The first, a childhood photograph you might call it, shows him about the age of ten, a small boy surrounded by a great many women (his sisters and cousins, no doubt). He stands in brightly checked trousers by the edge of a garden pond. His head is tilted at an angle thirty degrees to the left, and his teeth are bared in an ugly smirk. Ugly? You may well question the word, for insensitive people (that is to say, those indifferent to matters of beauty and ugliness) would mechanically comment with a bland, vacuous expression, “What an adorable little boy!” It is quite true that what commonly passes for “adorable” is sufficiently present in this child’s face to give a modicum of meaning to the complement. But I think that anyone who has ever been subjected to the least exposure to what makes for beauty would most likely toss the photograph to one side with the gesture employed in brushing away a caterpillar, and mutter in profound revulsion, “What a dreadful child!”

Indeed, the more carefully you examine the child’s smiling face the more you feel an indescribable, unspeakable horror creeping over you. You see that it is actually not a smiling face at all. The boy has not a suggestion of a smile. Look at his tightly clenched fists if you want proof. No human being can smile with his fists doubled like that. It is a monkey. A grinning monkey-face. The smile is nothing more than a puckering of ugly wrinkles. The photograph reproduces an expression so freakish, and at the same time so unclean and even nauseating, that your impulse is to say, “What a wizened, hideous little boy!” I have never seen a child with such an unaccountable expression.

The other two photographs are much more difficult. I have never found any pictures of Dazai that perfectly match the pictures described in the novel. This could be because Dazai changed existing pictures a little to fit the protagonist of No Longer Human better or it could be that the photographs never existed and Dazai just made them up for the novel. I’ll include the descriptions and some pictures of Dazai-sensei just for fun though, because I love looking up pictures of Dazai.

The Second Photograph

The face in the second snapshot is startlingly unlike the first. He is a student in this picture, although it is not clear whether it dates from high school or college days. At any rate, he is now extraordinarily handsome. But here again the face fails inexplicably to give the impression of belonging to a living human being. He wears a student’s uniform and a white handkerchief peeps from his breast pocket. He sits in a wicker chair with his legs crossed. Again he is smiling, this time not the wizened monkey’s grin but a rather adroit little smile. And yet somehow it is not the smile of a human being: it utterly lacks substance, all of what we might call the “heaviness of blood” or perhaps the “solidity of human life” - it has not even a bird’s weight. It is merely a blank sheet of paper, light as a feather, and it is smiling. The picture produces, in short, a sensation of complete artificiality. Pretense, insincerity, fatuousness - none of these words quite covers it. And of course you couldn’t dismiss it simply as dandyism. In fact, if you look carefully you will begin to feel that there is something strangely unpleasant about this handsome young man. I have never seen a young man whose good looks were so baffling.

The Third Photograph

The remaining photograph is the most monstrous of all. It is quite impossible in this one even to guess the age, though the hair seems to be streaked somewhat with grey. It was taken in a corner of an extraordinarily dirty room (you can plainly see in the picture how the wall is crumbling in three places). His small hands are held in front of him. This time he is not smiling. There is no expression whatsoever. The picture has a genuinely chilling, foreboding quality, as if it caught him in the act of dying as he sat before the camera, his hands held over a heater. That is not the only shocking thing about it. The head is shown quite large, and you can examine the features in detail: the forehead is average, the wrinkles on the forehead average, the eyebrows also average, the eyes, the nose, the mouth, the chin … the face is not merely devoid of expression, it fails even to leave a memory. It has no individuality. I have only to shut my eyes after looking at it to forget the face. I can remember the wall of the room, the little heater, but all impression of the face of the principal figure in the room is blotted out; I am unable to recall a single thing about it. This face could never be made the subject of a painting, not even of a cartoon. I open my eyes, There is not even the pleasure of recollecting: of course, that’s the kind of face it was! To state the matter in the most extreme terms: when I open my eyes and look at the photograph a second time I still cannot remember it. Besides, it rubs against me the wrong way, and makes me feel so uncomfortable that in the end I want to avert my eyes.

I think that even a death mask would hold more of an expression, leave more of a memory. That effigy suggests nothing so much as a human body to which a horse’s head has been attached. Something ineffable makes the beholder shudder in distaste. I have never seen such an inscrutable face on a man.

Sorry I don’t know of any exact photographs that match the last two, but hopefully between the descriptions and some similar photographs of Dazai-sensei the full effect is still there like it is for the first photo. 

[mikeshanlon]

he’s all that: chapter two

fandom: it

pairing: reddie (richie tozier/eddie kaspbrak)

word count: 5k

one | on ao3

summary:

Richie smiled smugly, “You’ve got spunk Kaspbrak. I like that.”

“Why don’t you try shutting the fuck up Tozier,” Eddie retorted as the line moved forward, “So what is this, if not some ploy to get me to tutor you? Some sort of dork outreach program? Because I’m not interested.”

—

Or: The one where Richie Tozier has six weeks to get into a relationship and make someone fall for him. Only problem? That someone is the anxiety ridden, goody two shoes Eddie Kaspbrak, and he can’t even stand to be in the same room as Richie.

warnings: there is drug use in that bev/mike/richie are HUGE stoners. also this chapter there is mentions to maggie being an alcoholic. 

a/n: hey! decided to post two weeks in a row just to get the ball rolling (which is why i still dont have all the chapters figured out as promised, my apologies). i'll probably start the every other week thing for next update (so chapter three should be up by march 4th). i would try to do every week but im a college student who has Stuff to do and also makes gifs and im horrible at finishing my writing so, giving myself a realistic deadline that will still hopefully produce quality work. anyways, richie and eddie finally interact this chapter! it's.......................  a bit messy though. and we get to see the rest of the losers club in this one too. 

tag list:  @richietoaster, @wintersember, @howellhxlic, @ed-txzier, @clara-farl3y

After standing in the hallway arguing with Bev for ten minutes, (“I mean really Bevs, fuck!” “You said anyone.” “How do we even know he’s gay?!” “Richie, please.”) Richie resigned himself to the fact that he was going to find some way to charm Eddie. Maybe Beverly would let him borrow that spellbook she bought junior year when she had become obsessed with witchcraft and hexing the patriarchy.

Once school was finally over, Richie dropped off Mike at his farm per usual, ranting about the bet the whole ride over. The farm boy nodded along, but he knew the words ‘told you so’ sat on the tip of his tongue.  

They pulled up to his house, the engine idling so he wouldn’t have to spend time getting it to start again, “Don’t wait up for me tonight if you wanna smoke. Got lotsa research in store,” Richie said as Mike grabbed his backpack and got out of the car.

Mike raised a brow, leaning into the passenger window (which in its broken state always stayed down), “I’m surprised Rich. You never do your homework.”

“Homework shmomwork,” he tapped the end of his cigarette out the window before taking another drag, “Gotta figure out what little ol’ Edward likes. Time for some deep dark internet exploration.”

“Ah, you’re gonna stalk him. Wasting time on social media does sound much more in character,” Mike smiled.

“It’s not a waste Mikey darlin’, a shit ton of preemo dank is on the line.”

The other boy laughed and shook his head, “Godspeed Tozier.”

Richie saluted Mike as he reversed out back to the main road, Bigmouth Strikes Again blasting on the old car radio.

He weaved through the streets filled with kids walking home or trying to find something to do in this shit-hole town. Long afternoons spent at The Aladdin watching the newest releases or aggressively slamming his fingers down on his favorite game at the arcade came to mind; along with going out of his way to bother just about everyone in his path. Richie never really had many friends when he was younger, spending most of his time alone. He was grateful he crossed paths with Bev and Mike, to fate, luck, God if it existed. The universe was rarely kind to him, but finding them was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Plus, the first time he had smoked weed, but that was with them too.

Turning onto his street, Richie pulled up to the unsuspecting two-story white house. It was straight out of a handbook on the American Dream; but the closer one looked, the imperfections started to appear.

The box overflowing with bottles once filled with alcohol next to the recycling bin, which was already too full with more empty bottles. A crooked ‘Home Sweet Home’ sign by the front door. Dying grass, overgrown and conquered with the little weeds Richie used to make wishes on before blowing the seeds into the summer air (I wish for friends. I wish for better parents. I wish to be loved).

He parked the station wagon on the curb, saving the space next to his Mom’s car for his father.

Maggie’s car hadn’t been driven in months (years?), and Richie absently wondered if it would even work anymore. It was nice, a decent heater and it drove well, at least it did when she had bothered to drop him off at school as a kid. Despite her general lack of care for the wellbeing of others, Mrs. Tozier did not drink and drive. Meaning, she didn’t drive at all, as she was drunk off her ass most of the time.

Richie grabbed his books from the backseat and clambered out, fumbling to find his house key among the mess of weird keychains he bought while high.

He didn’t bother stating his presence, even as a pretense, giving up the habit long ago.

Maggie Tozier sat outside, her back facing the screen door in the kitchen. A cigarette rested from her fingertips, and Richie wasn’t sure if she was actually smoking it or just watching it burn. Of course, her other hand gripped a bottle of beer, and a wine cooler sat at her feet.

Richie scoffed and bounded up the stairs to his room, a ‘KEEP OUT’ sign and band posters adorning the door.

It was often said that one’s room reflected who they were as a person, and Richie was no exception. That is, to say, his room was an absolute fucking mess. His bed was never made, and clothes and knick knacks littered the floor (he had already tripped over some beat up sneakers as he walked in). Old mugs, comics, a lava lamp, lotion, and an ashtray Bev had made him in ceramics sat on his bedside table (read: an old wooden apple carton). The only thing that he kept clear was his record player and vinyls at the edge of the bed, which were meticulously organized.

He tossed his notebooks on his desk, alongside stolen pens, his laptop, and his bong. If his parents actually fucking talked to him he would bother to hide his shit, but it didn’t really matter.

Picking up his laptop and its charger, Richie was on his way out again. He could stay home to conduct his research, but he hated the stuffiness and how lifeless the house felt. It wasn’t really even a home, at least not his. Plus, coffee. It was a necessity, especially for the amount of bullshit he’d have to go through just for the tiny brat.

Richie drove to the Starbucks on Main and Belmont, strolling up to barista and ordering his usual: venti quadruple-shot, black. While he often gorged himself on sweets, his need for caffeine could only be sated by the purest form the coffeeshop could offer.

Per usual, the barista gave him a look, “You sure?”

“Listen, I’ve already made a shit ton of horrible decisions today. Trust me, this is not the worst of them,” Richie answered, sliding the cash across the counter

She raised her brows but said nothing else, handing him the change.

He set up shop at a table by the window in the back, away enough from the other patrons. Most of the time Richie threw caution to the wind, but he figured it would suspicious if someone saw him furiously stalking someone who looked like they hadn’t even graduated from middle school.

After retrieving his coffee, opening his MacBook, and plugging his headphones in, Richie scoured Instagram first. ‘Eddie.k’ didn’t post much, mostly some artsy photos, including ones of Bill and Stanley Uris (their other best friend). There were only one or two selfies, much to Richie’s disappointment. Eddie wasn’t actually too bad looking if you ignored his clothes, his hair, his… everything. Freckles dusted his face, concentrated around his little nose, a few on his lips. Cute lips. Cute cheeks. He had the urge to pinch them. But Jesus, that combover. What was he, a balding man in the 80’s?

Other than those pictures, Eddie hadn’t really posted to Instagram in months. He moved onto  his tagged photos. They had some more substance, although Eddie had pretty much only been tagged in pictures by Bill and Stan. It wasn’t like Richie wasn’t in the same boat of having only a few close friends, but at least he hung out with other people.

For the most part, the pictures were pretty normal, the three of them hanging out. Richie couldn’t help but snort at a picture of the three, presumably after a sleepover. They looked exhausted, hair messy, and were brushing their teeth. Pretty mundane, but Eddie had pulled a ridiculous face in the mirror. It was silly, but Richie hadn’t even thought Eddie was capable of making jokes or doing weird shit. The fucker was always uptight, serious even when they had a substitute. Unsurprisingly, Eddie did not appreciate the post.

eddie.k: literally stan delete this!!!!!!

stantheman: @eddie.k, sorry sweatie (:

Richie grinned and continued to scroll, stopping at a picture of Eddie lying down on the grass, laughing. He wore a red tracksuit, the one students wore to P.E. when the bitter chill of autumn came to Derry. His hair must’ve been a little sweaty, because it was curling up into a messy halo around his grinning face. Richie wanted to know this Eddie, see him curl up laughing, but he knew that would never happen.

He perused their profiles for a while before growing bored, downing a third of his coffee before moving on. Except Eddie didn’t seem to have a Twitter, or a Snapchat. A quick google search of his name only came up with a few images and… a Facebook profile?

Richie prayed that it was an old one Eddie had never deleted, but after the page loaded he saw that the most recent status was made last night.

“Oh my fucking god,” he whispered to himself.

Eddie’s profile picture made him look particularly child-like, a weird picture of him pointing to the camera like he was cool, even though the same hand had a clunky old watch wrapped around it. His header picture displayed the quote ‘there is bravery in being soft’.

Richie snorted, “Yeah, a soft fucking dick!”

Another patron scoffed at his fowl mouth, and he shot her a smug grin.

Eddie only had 40 friends on the site, which consisted of Bill, Stan, some of the other nerds at Derry High, and his mother and her friends. It wasn’t like someone’s Facebook friends actually mattered, especially because only middle aged mothers who posted minion memes about their alcoholism used it anymore, but it was still kinda pitiful.

His posts were generally uninteresting, stuff like ‘super nervous for the math test’, or ‘soooooooooooo bored ://///’. Otherwise, he mostly just shared pictures of cute dogs and DIY videos.

It was hard to find any useful information on Eddie, since he obviously lied a lot. Not in the way of bragging, or saying that he did things he didn’t (like Richie did). But there were comments from Mrs. Kaspbrak’s friends calling him a lady killer, or a few posts calling Carly Rae Jepsen cute (please, Run Away With Me is the one of gayest songs of all time). Eddie was closeted, and Richie knew from experience that someone could never really be themselves around others if they weren’t out.

What his profile lacked in useable information, it more than made up with blackmail material.

Take, for instance, little Eddie in possibly the gayest fucking hat imaginable.

He screeched as he saw the picture of the eleven year old, a white fedora-bucket hat hybrid sitting atop his tiny head, before breaking out into a full on wheeze. Richie was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe, and then he thought about Eddie using his inhaler in that gay ass hat and laughed even harder.

The other customers began to stare, some concerned, and others pissed off at the disturbance.

Once he had collected himself somewhat, Richie sent a screenshot to the group chat.

the losers

bev: oh my fucking G O D

richie: I CANT FUCKIN BREATHE ELRNKKLNERG

richie: LIKE F U C K !!! KLJKLGRJKLLEJK

richie: LOOK AT HIS GAY HAT

richie: LIKE, IT’S GAYER THAN WEARING NOTHING BUT A PRIDE FLAG AND GLITTER

richie: HE LOOKS LIKE A TWINKY SKIPPER

richie: HOW IS THAT HAT MORE GAY THAN EVERY SINGLE ONE RYAN EVANS WORE IN THE ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL FRANCHISE COMBINED

bev: i’m muting you

mike: me too

mike: also that hat isn’t that bad

“‘Not that bad?!’” Richie squawked, not that he’d be able to hear him.

(Really, Richie had no authority on the subject. He still donned the occasional Hawaiian shirt over his tees).

He refreshed Eddie’s profile, seeing that he had made a new status.

Eddie Kaspbrak: big night friday, nervous but excited !!!!

Richie raised his brows in intrigue, seeing that Bill and a handful of other people liked the status. What was going on Friday?

He checked to see if Bill had posted anything, if Eddie was going somewhere, chances were Bill was too.

Bill Denbrough: almost the weekend, finally ready to let loose

Seriously, it would’ve been so much easier if Bill was the guy Richie had to woo. Kid was probably fucking nervous for a party, a place where you threw caution to the wind and had a good time. Still, he made a mental note about finding out what their Friday plans were.

Richie sighed, taking another swig of his coffee, “God, what a fucking loser.”

Suddenly, his headphones were being tugged out of his ear by an angry middle-aged woman with short-layered hair and eye bags.

“Hey, what the fuck?” Richie glared, snatching back his headphones.

The woman returned the look, putting her hands on her hips, “Don’t you have respect for the other customers?!”

“Sweetheart, I don’t have respect for myself, let alone some PTA moms-- like the post-divorce haircut by the way.”

Apparently, his finger guns did not soften the blow, because the lady started to scream at him.

And, apparently, this lady was also the manager, and was pushing him out the door.

So great, Eddie and his dumb gay hat got him banned from Starbucks.

Even though he was wounded from Eddie’s betrayal, (because Richie getting kicked out was definitely not his fault-- it was Eddie’s homosexual headwear. An anthropomorphic device of chaos, that Eddie owned, so, yeah, it was Kaspbrak’s fucking fault.) Richie still skipped smoking on Thursday to spend his lunch with the tiny fuck.

Obviously, they hadn’t made plans to do so, but Richie had, and he really couldn’t delay starting the bet. There was a lot on the line.

So, after getting out of econ (turning in an unstudied for but probably aced quiz), and throwing his shit in his locker, Richie detoured to the cafeteria.

The place was a fucking mess, and it reminded Richie just why he avoided the place. It was pure chaos, loud and overwhelming, a million things to get distracted by. Freshman with their stupid rolling backpacks kept whizzing by, making Richie trip or get his feet ran over. The tables were already filled, the honor roll kids, the partiers, Gretta and her gang. Fucking cliches.

He got in line, picking up a tray and proceeding to fiddle with the buttons at the cuff of his black and white flannel; trying to tune out the buzz of conversation. It was weird, at parties he thrived on the noise and disorder, but here all it was doing was fucking with his ADHD.

Richie drummed a beat onto his tray as the line moved forward and picked the most edible looking slop from the menu. The lunch lady glowered at him as he reached for his money only to realize he had put it in the other pocket, fumbling to put the bills and coins on the counter.  

As she put the money in the register, Richie looked around the room, checking to see where Eddie was sitting. He was sat near one of the exits, carefully taking out his lunch and swinging his legs. And he was alone. Perfect.

“Kid, do you want a receipt or not?” the lunch lady snapped from across from him.

Richie blinked back into focus, “Uh, sure, sorry.”

She sighed and printed out the receipt, slamming it down on the tray, “Next!”

Grabbing his tray, Richie plucked up some plastic cutlery and made his way through the sea of students to Eddie Kaspbrak. He had to twist and lift his tray a bit, but eventually the crowds started to part a bit. A chorus of whispers started to erupt. Stupid small town.

“Is that Richie Tozier?”

“I think, but doesn’t he always get high with his stoner friends?”

“What is he doing here?”

“God, he’s so hot.”

Richie smirked, sending a wink at the girl’s praise before sitting across from Eddie. He watched for a moment as the boy continued to focus on on unpacking his utensils and napkins before clearing his throat.

Eddie’s eyes snapped up from his lunchbox, widening when he saw Richie.

“What the fuck?” It was meant to be a whisper to himself, but Eddie’s voice was louder than expected.

Richie grinned at the blushing boy, “Well, hello to you to Eds.”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie snapped, returning to his food.

Richie waited for him to say something else, at least fucking look at him, but the little fuck kept his eyes glued to his grapes, nails aggressively ripping the fruit from their stems.

“Okay,” he started, taking a sip of his apple juice, “So, you may be wondering why I’m sitting with you—“

Eddie interrupted, annoyance apparent in every fiber of his being, “Is this gonna be quick or not?”

“I’m hoping it’s not quick, although given how hot I am it’s difficult for people to control themselves.”

A long, deep sigh came from Eddie’s (cute, soft) lips. Eddie grabbed at Richie’s hands, flipping them over so that the palms faced upwards.

“Wow, a bit forward, but I’m liking your style Kaspbrak,” Richie winked.

Eddie rolled his eyes and proceed to take out hand sanitizer from his fanny pack, squirting the floral scented product into Richie’s hands.

Honestly, what the fuck?

He must’ve sent the same message to Eddie with his face, because Eddie said, “You obviously aren’t gonna leave me the fuck alone, and if you’re gonna be in my space, you need to be clean.”

Richie raised a brow at this but rubbed the hand sanitizer into his hands anyways.

Jesus Christ, what a weird, defensive little bitch.

Eddie watched with focused eyes, and only spoke when Richie was finished.

“Continue.”

It took a moment for Richie to gain his bearings once more. This mission seemed dead on arrival, but he had to keep trying anyways.

“So, Eddie…” Richie trailed off, twirling the pasta on his plate before his eyes lit up, “Eddie Spaghetti, Eduardo, what’s up?”

Eddie scowled, “That’s not my fucking name!” he squeaked, “And ‘what’s up?’ I mean, we’ve barely even talked before. You think I’m just gonna put up with this because you’re Richie Tozier? I swear to god, if this is some fucking bullying thing...”

Around them, people began to stare and eavesdrop at the sound of Eddie yelling. Fucking perfect.

Richie blinked back at the boy across from him, now red in the face for a different reason, “Calm down, I’m just trying to get to know you.”

“Fat fucking chance.”

Okay, wow. Richie had more work cut out for him than expected. He thought of what to say next as he watched Eddie finish his grapes.

“This isn’t, like, a joke,” (it wasn’t real either), “I just wanna hang out.”

“Hang out?” Eddie’s chocolate brown eyes met Richie’s, his tone mocking.

Richie nodded, “Yeah, ya know, kick it with the homies. Make out a little if you’re down. Friend stuff.”

Eddie’s jaw clenched, “You’re unbelievable. Just fucking unbe— you know, how can you even say any of that shit? How can we be ‘homies’ if we’ve never ‘hung out’ before? And don’t want to-- I’m not-- you don’t know me!”

There was something underlying in Eddie’s voice as he snapped, wavering at the end. Richie, like most things in life, was completely and utterly fucking up.

“Well then, how about we fix that?” Richie leaned forward, “I was wondering if maybe you’d wanna—“

Abruptly, Eddie stood up, grabbing his food and walked off, making his way towards the cafeteria line where Bill and Stan were paying for their lunch.

Richie looked around at all the watching faces, some snickering and others as shocked as he was.

“...Embarrass me horribly in front of all these people.”

He took a deep breath, and shoved some spaghetti in his mouth, his frown growing larger at the disgusting taste. Richie was often considered a wild card, but this was when routine was a good thing. He should’ve just avoided this and sparked up with Bev and Mike.

Actually, he was going to do just that. There was still some left in lunch, and no reason for him to stay in the cafeteria if Eddie was giving him the cold shoulder. More like a giant fucking iceberg but still, pointless. Besides, he really needed to get high now. Eddie ruined his whole mood and pissed him the fuck off.

Richie got up and tossed out the inedible garbage before going to the usual spot, finger itching for a joint.

He used his foot to push open the door, which would’ve been cool, except with his clumsiness and horrible luck he tripped forward, narrowly avoiding falling down the steps and face planting by grabbing the railing.

As Richie caught his breath and stabilized himself, he could hear his friends laughing.

“Back so soon?” Bev smirked knowingly, taking a drag.

Richie huffed, “Ha ha. Let’s yuck it up for my misfortune,” he grabbed her joint and took a long hit, “This fucking kid, Bev. I don’t think I can do this!”

“As in, you’re morally incapable of leading him on?” Mike asked hopefully.

“Please, let’s be realistic here Mikey. No, that kid is like, the fuckin devil incarnate. Shithead is fucking crazy!” Richie paced, smoking from the joint.

Bev laughed, “What makes you say that?”

“Why don’t ya ask the whole fucking school?” Richie snapped, though the anger wasn’t directed at her, “They were watching it all go down. If that wheezy asshole ruins my reputation—“

“What reputation?” Mike interjected.

Richie rolled his eyes and flipped him off.

Another voice spoke up, “I dunno, Richie’s pretty well known. I like him well enough.”

Richie whirled around, just noticing a new face among the usual group, Ben Hanscom.

The eternal new kid, since no one ever moved to ass backwards Derry, was not someone he’d expect to be behind the art building. Maybe reciting poetry or some shit, but not blazing. Ben was sweet and genuine, albeit a little shy. He was no longer the chubby kid he once was, more stocky and muscular now. They weren’t too close, as the tawny haired boy spent more time with Mike and Bev, and if not them, the other dorks (like Eddie and his friends). But either way, dude was pretty chill. Richie just didn’t really want him there mid-meltdown.

“Haystack?! You smoke?!” he whistled, “Ho-ly shit, who woulda thought!”

Ben shook his head, “Uh, no I don’t. Mike and I just had to study for history next block.”

His deep brown eyes flitted to Beverly, who had now stolen back her joint and was playing with the key that hung from her neck. Yeah, studying was the only reason. Not Ben’s excruciatingly obvious crush on the red head.

“We would’ve just gone to the library, but Bev and I made a bet about if you’d be successful or not today,” Mike said.

Richie gasped, “Betting on my failure? Fuck you guys, Benny Boy is my new best friend.”

“I didn’t sign up for that.”

“Hey, I bet on you succeeding,” Mike put his hands up in surrender, “She’s the one who thought you’d screw it up.”

“And I was right. Pay up,” Bev smiled, holding out her palm.

Mike dropped a candy bar in it with a deep sigh. She tore open the wrapping, taking a savage bite of the chocolatey sweet.

“I think you have a gambling problem,” Mike quipped.

Bev shrugged, “Not a problem if I keep winning.”

She grinned, her teeth covered in chocolate and spit. Gross. Ben still looked enraptured. Double gross.

“Anyways, can we focus on the important bet, and the fact that this fuck is impossible! Seriously, Bev, babygirl, pick anyone else!” Richie whined, plopping his bony ass on the cement.

“First off, don’t call me ‘babygirl’,” she flicked the ash off the end of the joint at him, “Second, the deal was anyone. You either woo him or you don’t.”

Richie opened his mouth to complain again but Ben beat him to it.

“I’m sorry, but what are we talking about?”

The other three looked at each other in panic. Ben was friends with Eddie, there was no way he could find out what was going on. The whole thing would be ruined before it started.

“Nothin!” Richie squeaked, “Just uh… bet that I couldn’t ace a group project. I usually just bullshit a lot of that stuff and leave it up to the others if I can. Partner’s just a little… high strung.”

Bev groaned and Mike sighed. A horrible fucking lie. Richie was already trying to formulate a better one in his head.

Ben smiled, “That’s nice, a wholesome, supportive bet. But you really should just communicate with your partner. They might be nervous because of your history is all.”

Richie let out a sound of relief before realizing Ben’s advice could actually be helpful.

“Sure, but I already tried to talk to him and it didn’t go well,” he explained.

Bev and Mike raised their brows, catching on.

“Well, how did you talk to him?” Ben asked, “Was it an ambush or a friendly conversation?

Bev snorted, “Ambush, knowing Richie. He doesn’t do friendly conversations.”

“Maybe with you, because you’re on my ass all the time,” Richie shot back, “But uh, she’s right. Shouldn’t matter though, everyone knows that’s how Tough Guy Tozier does his business.”

Mike groaned, “Please don’t call yourself that ever again.”

“You’re just coming on too strong. You have to consider what he likes, what he wants. A good partnership comes with compromise and communication,” Ben nodded sagely.

Richie ruffled his hair, putting on his trusty British voice, “Thank you Advisor Hanscom. Your wisdom is greatly appreciated.”

Ben smiled awkwardly, his eyes going to Bev once again, “Course.”

He took the joint from Bev, inhaling the musty smoke and blowing it out his nostrils, the burning sensation familiar and welcome.

“And maybe, you should talk to him sober next time,” Mike suggested.

Richie laughed, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

By the time the final bell rang, he was still feeling defeated and unsure of his next move. Sure, he’d have to dial back his trashmouth charm, try to seem actually invested in Eddie but… that wasn’t going to happen if the brat never talked to him again. Richie had to find a way to break the tension between them, start fresh.

He sulked to his locker, pulling out his shit from the looming mess. Loose binder paper and pencils fell onto the ground, and Richie just wanted to bang his head against the wall of metal. Also, go home and smoke while playing video games but, mostly, hit his head repeatedly. Maybe he’d lose enough brain cells to forget the entire day.

After a few moments of excessive cursing, Richie grabbed what he needed and got everything that fell back into the locker. He noticed a new post it on the door just before he closed it.

Don’t give up :) <3 - mike

Richie smiled, and slammed the locker shut with a resounding clang. With a little stretch and a fix of his glasses, he strolled through the halls, making his way to the parking lot to wait for Mike.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bill and Stan loitering around the halls as well, engaged in (an undoubtedly boring) conversation.

He remembered Bill and Eddie’s facebook status’ about exciting plans for tomorrow night and decided he should investigate.

“Billiam! Staniel!” Richie called as he approached them, “What’s up?”

The two stopped talking and looked up, Bill smiling while Stan rolled his eyes.

“H-hey, Richie,” Bill waved.  Richie noted that his stutter had gotten a lot better just over the past year. The two of them had shared a few classes when they were juniors and were pretty friendly with one another. At least compared to his relationship with Eddie and Stan, who also seemed to hate him for no reason.

Speaking of, the prim and proper boy was glaring at him, “Didn’t get enough of being a nuisance at lunch?”

Richie raised a brow, “Whatever do you mean?”

Stan scoffed, and opened his mouth to respond, but Bill put a hand on his shoulder, “N-nothing. Stan’s just… on edge. What’s up w-with you?”

“Not much, just trying to figure out what my plans are for tomorrow,” Richie shrugged, “Got any suggestions?”

“The only thing on your mind is where to party? Not surprised,” Stan quipped.

Richie shoved his hands in his pockets, biting his tongue. Snapping at Eddie was what caused his whole operation to go south, and he couldn’t mess up this second chance.

Bill ignored the tension between them, “Well, usually w-we don’t do t-t-too m-much, but it’s s-senior year. Probably going to Peter Gordon's party.”

“That kid’s an ass.”

“Coming from you, that’s rich,” Stan commented, his arms crossed.

His grinned, “Well, yeah, I am Rich.”

Stan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Yeah, he is, but he’s also s-super wealthy,” Bill avoided another ‘rich’ pun, “Meaning he’ll h-h-ave q-q-quality shit.”

Richie beamed, “Ah, I get it. You’re Robin Hood-ing that fuck. I like your style Billy Boy.”

He clapped Bill on the shoulder, and the other boy blushed slightly, “W-well, it wasn’t j-just my idea. Eddie and Stan helped.”

“Eddie? He’s coming with you guys?”

Bill shook his head, “N-no. He was supposed to, b-b-but that art thing came up so he h-had to cancel.”

“Art thing?” Richie asked, suddenly intrigued. This was the information he wanted.

“Yeah,” Bill nodded, “It’s this show that happens every month. At Jester Theatre. He always goes.”

Stan not so subtly elbowed Bill in the ribs, hissing at him to shut up.

“W-what?!”

“Yeah, what’s got your steamed panties in a twist Uris?” Richie smirked.

Stan sent him a scowl, “You know very well Tozier. Eddie told us all about what you did at lunch. Back the fuck off.”

“S-stan, I don’t think he meant--”

“No, Bill, he did,” Stan interrupted, “I don’t know what your game is, but if you hurt him…”

Richie put his hands up in surrender, “Hey, I’m not going to hurt him. He seems pretty strong anyways. I mean no harm.”

Stan didn’t look convinced at all. Fair enough.

The air between the two was tense, but Bill broke it by clearing his throat, “So, uh, will w-we see you at the p-p-party?”

Richie shook his head ‘no’, “Probably not. I have some more sophisticated plans lined up.”

a/n: hope you liked it! next chapter is p much all richie and eddie so get excited. if you enjoyed i would love hearing your feedback

oh and this is eddie’s gay hat if you were curious

[doctor--idiot]

ALSO if you'd like another prompt i love the idea of a funny misunderstanding like maybe dean's all 'netflix and chill after the hunt ;)' and sam takes it as 'let's watch serial killer documentaries all night hey dean what do mean im sleeping on the metaphorical couch all month?' and then sam or dean have to grovel to get back in the other's good favor but it's all in good fun

I’m sure this isn’t exactly what you had in mind but I hope you enjoy anyway :)

“You know,” Dean says, “This ain’t exactly what I had in mind when I said let’s watch Netflix and chill.”

Sam reaches for the packet of chips again, shoving a handful into his mouth. In between chewing, he says, “We’re not gonna watch The Untouchables for the gazillionth time, Dean.”

Dean groans, plopping down on the bed. “Also not what I meant.”

Sam hides his grin behind his hand and the pretense of stuffing his mouth again. “It’s Christmas, Dean. Watching Christmas movies is a given. You always say so yourself.”

“Yeah, but…” Dean breaks off, huffing an annoyed breath. At his whiny  tone, Sam actually has to turn his face away to hide his twitching mouth.

He gets himself under control, clearing his throat and nudging Dean’s calf with his socked foot. “You could get us some hot cocoa.”

Dean looks at him with a mix of bewilderment at Sam’s apparent ignorance and thinly veiled annoyance. “Like hell,” he protests and it’s really difficult to keep a straight face.

Once Sam is positive he isn’t going to burst out laughing at his brother’s pinched expression, he urges, “Please?”

Dean stares at him for a moment longer and for a split second Sam’s sure he can see right through him but then Dean gets up with a grumble and trots off to fill the electric kettle. “You know,” his voice filters over to where Sam is squished against the headboard, knees folded, “I hate you sometimes.”

Sam snorts, balling up the empty bag of chips and tossing it onto the floor.

Once Dean has returned with two steaming mugs and climbed back onto the bed, his side pressed against Sam’s, their knees knocking together, Sam thinks that this is actually really nice instead of just being a farce to annoy his big brother and be the cause for his blue balls.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

Dean gives him a sideward glance and now Sam is fairly certain that he has caught on. There is some slight hesitation, then Dean rolls his eyes, patting Sam’s knee. He leaves his hand there. “We gotta talk about your lack of stamina when it comes to pranks, Sammy.”

Not a prank, Sam wants to say but instead he turns his head to the side, brings his mouth next to his brother’s ear. “I’ve been accused of a lot of things,” he says quietly, “but lack of stamina has never been one of them.”

The hard smack on his shoulder he gets from Dean for his efforts is totally worth the flush in Dean’s cheeks. Cackling, Sam slides down the headboard until he’s lying flat on the mattress, grinning up at his brother.

“Tease,” Dean accuses and he’s not wrong.

Sam holds out his hand and for a moment nothing happens. Then Dean places his mug on the nightstand and follows Sam’s example, wiggling until he can get comfortable on the bed. He’s dressed in sweats and a T-shirt that rides up his stomach with his movements. Sam turns onto his side and reaches out, catching Dean around the waist.

Dean makes an offended noise but lets himself be pulled in, palms two burning hot points on Sam’s biceps.

“I can’t believe you honestly thought I don’t know what ‘Netflix and chill’ means.”

Dean shrugs in his arms. His hair is soft without any product in it, moving messily against the pillow. “How should I know? You’re usually so innocent, Sammy-baby.”

Sam snorts, digs his fingers in Dean’s flanks until Dean loses his grin and starts squirming. He nudges his knee in between Dean’s legs. “I’ll show you innocent.”

Dean gives a breathless laugh. “We really gotta work on your dirty talk, Sam. Did I teach you nothing?”

“Never heard you complain before.”

Dean reaches up, tugs gently at a strand of Sam’s hair. There is a smirk in the corner of his mouth. “Didn’t want you to be embarrassed.”

“I’m sure that’s it.” Sam nods, mock-serious, “Not because you were too busy moaning my name.”

Dean snorts, tugging a little harder at Sam’s hair until Sam grabs his wrist and pins it above his head. There is a slight hitch of breath, Dean’s pulse jumping against Sam’s fingers.

“Well?” Dean licks his lips. “What are you waiting for?”

“For you to stop being so annoyingly mouthy.”

Dean’s expression turns sly, a little defiant. He flexes his fingers against the hold, tendons moving against Sam’s palm. “When has that ever worked?”

Sam runs his free hand along the waistband of his brother’s sweatpants, teasing his fingertips inside. He can feel the gooseflesh pebbling Dean’s skin against his knuckles. Dean is watching his face, waiting for him to answer or to move forward, and Sam leans in, brushing his lips along Dean’s jaw, up to right below his mouth. Lips fall open slightly, Dean’s body twitching against Sam’s as Sam cups Dean’s hip, then slides his hand around to the small of his back, fingers stealing their way into Dean’s underwear.

Sam flicks his tongue out briefly against Dean’s lower lip, catching his brother’s quiet gasp in his mouth on a brief, soft kiss. Then he abruptly pulls back, lets go of Dean’s wrist and sits up. Grabs for his mug beside him. The chocolate has cooled slightly but it’s still delicious, even if he is paying more attention to Dean’s frozen surprise next to him.

Sam smiles into his mug, not speaking while Dean processes the situation, then sits up with an angry-sounding huff. He visibly adjusts his cock in his pants and Sam’s lips curl. On the screen, the credits start to roll. Netflix suggests How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Sam clicks on it and settles back in, waiting for the opening.

He can feel Dean’s eyes on him and by now it’s a challenge of who can stand the silence the longest.

In the end, it’s Dean who speaks first. “Sam,” he says, “Please.”

It’s quiet and somehow like that it has even more of an impact. Sam abandons his mug anew and turns to the side. He barely has time to take in Dean’s slightly rumpled state before he reaches for him, pulls him in by his shoulders and kisses him for all he is worth.

He tugs Dean on top of him and Dean sighs with relief and contentment. Then he mutters, “Hate you so much.”

Sam grins back. “I know.”

[meloncholy-archive]

insert dog_on_fire_this_is_fine.jpg

for someone that wrote an entire fuckin essay about loving to stay in the pretense of being stuck in time and all that pining bullshit, im actually the most impatient fuckin person i know. 

its like part of me wants to believe im that but also knowing me, the actual in reality me, i hate waiting around. maybe its the taurus sun vs aquarius moon vs gemini rising in me? (or whatever the fuck that means)

it irks me how impatient i am. its like my thinking process is always plan a shit ton and put such high expectations on myself then skip like 20 steps then oops, what do you know? im at the finish line and have everything i want in life! im happy and where i planned to be! 

its like outer me has this whole, “without the journey... i wouldnt have all this.” and thats true, it makes a lot of sense (as nauseating as it sounds). cue in all my romanticization of the struggle i went through and all the hardwork i put in to where i want to be. cue in the hundred characters i fixate on because they have an inferiority complex and are always busting the hardwork but never get the results (until they actually do in the end).

but inner me is actually more of: why cant i just skip through all the hurdles for once? why do i have to go through hell and back to actually get to that point? you know, that high fuckin pedestal that i know deep down no one can ever reach yet i place it onto myself because for some unknown reason, i have way too many self-placed expectations. 

i’d love to be chill. i wish i was like that. i wish i was the person people think i am when they first meet me. an easygoing, relaxed person that has 0 shame in doing embarrassing shit just because. but genuinely, im pretty sure i have a stick shoved so far up my ass, my eyeballs have popped out (terrible imagery but you’ll have to go with it).

i just.. keep thinking this way and never feel fully satisfied with myself. its a cycle. its like im never pleased! its like i keep wanting to be this and it could go either 2 ways with 1 constant end result. i pull in too much effort and i get only 1% closer to where i want to be then im not satisfied! because 1% or not, its still not THERE! i give up with that life and decide its not worth all my trouble but it also doesnt give me the satisfaction i need. so my go-to move is usually to resign to feeling like a loser at the start. doomed from the very beginning. never destined for any type of greatness and success (even though deep down, i so badly want it.)

like really! dont listen to me! dont listen to me when i say i dont care! because 90% of the time i really fuckin do! its annoying! im sensitive okay! im high maintenance! i want attention! i want people to ooh and aah at me! im a girly girl! screw you all, i’ll beat you with a stick!

conclusion: i dont fuckin know, maybe i am a bit of a masochist i guess? maybe i subconsiously set myself up for failure...... kind of subconsciously tho. 

its like part of me knows this only end in flames but here i am dosing the gasoline.

[survivorinternational]

Episode 1 - "You are an evil psychopath... but I kinda dig it." - Veni

STEPHENS BACK 

I love love how these tribes are split up but I’m kind of nervous about playing with people I’ve played other things with before! There was only one person I didn’t already have added and that is Daniel. I’m just going to try to stay on everyone’s good side and maybe try to get close with everyone? I think that we are going to have a strong tribe so that’s a plus! 

Israel is not in Europe

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So since this is "International" I decided to call everyone in our tribe be either their home country or town. So Clash is Richmond. Vilma is Oulu. Ginger is Israel. Allan is Scotland. I have yet to talk to Latvia but they appear as a very busy person. So it's Day 2 right now and I have just woken up. Me and Oulu stayed up 'till 6 AM last night just talking and chilling. I really like her so I hope we can make it far. I also like Richmond because that is a cool name so we established a 3-person group. Richmond insists on repeating F3 every 5 minutes which is pretty scary but I'll just disregard it for now. I am enjoying the diversity of our cast, proud to be a European seeing as the other tribes are basically just Australia and just USA. Right now I'll try to put some work into this flag I guess since nobody has taken initiative.

So its off to a relatively good start, I’ve talked with 3 other tribe members and they seem pretty cool, i got a good rapport with Tyler and Jacob especially. They also had good input into the challenge to so, yay. The other to however haven’t spoken, and we can’t blame time zones cause their like, at most an hour seperate. Be careful Sluggyg and Dylan, we lose a challenge we’ll be looking at you. I’m not gonna pm them first though, trying not to come off too needy yet, I’ll give at least some pretense of not being absolutely bonkers. 

Good lookin. Nah jk. So I have to admit I was a late bloomer in terms of speaking in the group chat and I conveniently missed the people I didn't know - Tyler, Dean. I have a history with Jacob and I know Michael from a previous community so I have hit the ground running with the idea of sticking together but nothings too solidified yet so hopefully in a bit I'll find myself in a majority! The only thing Stephen said to me so far is "heyo" and "ya I teach english", so.. 

Ok so Hi. I hate u all why am i here. Im nervous cause im out here trying not ti be the first boot and have to have my dog comfort me while i cry to sleep. Literally shaking in slides. Everyones a bit of a hoot, all male tribe! Wowee. Just going be pals with all these kiddies. Although the flag they made is literal trash, ill be nice :) 

hey boys time for my first confession that will be longer than it should be and not entertaining in the slightest so the cast reveal was interesting! i wasn’t expecting many familiar faces at all, maybe like one or two people i sort of know of. but when i saw ruthie and randy, i was honestly relieved. ruthie and i have always been good allies together in games and i love her a lot. she’s loyal and funny and smart. just overall wonderful person to play with and i’m really happy to have her here. also, seeing randy was so good too. honestly i know he has a ~rEp~ for being not the greatest, but i don’t particularly care. i feel like we’re going to get along really well in this game. the only thing that annoys me is that him talking to me at first was all like, “oh emily you’re so a good player i love you please don’t vote me out get me to merge xo” like he was purposefully inflating my ego because....... people generally think i have a big ego. and a year ago, yeah i definitely did. that’s why i lost both of my last two main season games. my ego got in the way and i got too confident, too cutthroat, too rude, too self absorbed. and so much has happened in my life, i’ve been taken down a few notches and the last thing i want is for people to think i’m a narcissist. i’ve worked on myself a lot and it’s just sad to see people treating me like this like they think it’ll guarantee me wanting to work with them. sigh. anyway, continuing with the other people: my skype app will NOT give me notifications when daniel or patrick send me messages and it’s frustrating me high key because they’ll respond two minutes after i send a message and i won’t see it for hours, even if i check the chat. new skype is ruining my social game yeah! but in general pat and daniel seem cool. only person i’m weary of is liana! i didn’t realize at first, but she’s married to chips who....... hates me LMAO! i’ve never played a game with her so here’s to hoping she doesn’t have an idea of me in her head already. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ other tribe comments: i saw vilma in a game for the first time like well over a year ago and was like i am in LOVE with her and i want to MARRY her. she’s so pretty and seems so funny and when we’re on the same tribe we WILL be best friends and if we’re not i’m THROWING HANDS!!! it has to happen. has to! i don’t think i recognizes literally anyone else? everyone is pretty much unfamiliar to me. so how i’m feeling right now: randy is really good at making flags! and confident that we’ll pull through with reward tbh. like he’s very talented. i’m gonna put together a makeshift flag too just in case it’s ugly and also to show that i’m active and here and contributing, but i doubt it’s going to be bad. and also it’s only reward! if we don’t win, i don’t mind it that much. my fear is that we end up going to tribal the first round! i don’t know how strong this tribe is in terms of challenges. i don’t know anything about liana, daniel, or patrick. i don’t remember anything about randy or ruthie when it comes to challenges either. so we’ll have to see! daniel told me he played on discord so he’s probably used to more text based challenges or flash games, which is very helpful because i’m bad at both. but from my experience, typical tumblr challenges are far different from typical discord challenges. yeah. also, randy and i shared our idol guesses and both found nothing. i went around camp -> shelter -> on top -> nothing and he went around camp -> treemail -> (uhhh something i already forgot lol) -> nothing. i’m gonna share mine with him every round as like a trust thing. idk if he’ll tell me the truth but i’ll tell him the truth! idc honestly! :p okay end of this long confession i hope you had fun reading if you read this far give me an idol clue xoxo emily (dennis remember in mongolia when i told you the exile idol was under a girl’s name) (i’m sorry) 

So the reward challenge is a flag making challenge. I hate a lot of the things, but I am taking a step back since I have been told I can be controlling in the tribe stages when it comes to challenges. So I want to see how well the tribe performs without me stepping in. 

Day one thoughs: Yes!!! A tribe full of people with similar time zones. Jacob and Sluggy are here, nice. UHC alliance has already been suggested... not sure how to feel. Talked to all other tribe members. Everyone seems nice... dont quite trust Tyler yet... seems shifty Reward challenge: Not a fan of original design. Spent a bit of time working on another design... which i had more time to make it better. Seems to be good enough, will see what tribe says. Idol search round one: nothing

me: so yeah just send me your image so I can do all the work and make the flag everyone: (by the way these confessionals will be over the top and not express my true true  feelings, i.e. I'm exaggerating everything)

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The plan is to kill people with kindness! I really don't plan on winning but i'd love to if I am able to. I just hope I stay long enough to talk to most. My two closest friends are Richmond and Oulu. Oulu is super nice and we talk often so that is cool ----------

Oh lord I am actually exuding so much time in this survivor good thing it is summer geez 

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Ginger spoiled 2 survivor seasons in the same message I am crying :(

So i finally got to talk to everyone on the tribe. Tyler seems rlly friendly and talkative which kinda draws me towards him. Stephen is more analytical and observant... Dean is just the passive, looks on and watches kinda guy. Both Stephen and Dean want to be or are writers so. One thing great about working with Stephen would be someone people target as a strategic threat instead of me - but I don't know if I'll be able to work well with him atm... 

Okay I was gonna wait until after the immunity challenge to do my first confessional but I am DYING. So Veni is making our flag (which honestly I'm not too sure about but I'm awful at art so I can't really say anything) and he asks for pictures to use in it. So I send him a picture of me sitting on a throne, which I took at a bar near me. and this bitch..... Goes "It's like ghetto Game of Thrones, I love it!" BITCH!? Ghetto? Honestly this guy needs to take it down a notch because he's trying way too hard to take control of the reward challenge and is being super bossy and I think people aren't gonna take that for much longer. 

As for the first day of this season I’m loving it so far. Loving the activity and positivity in our tribe and people here are very friendly. Already have started conversation with Clash, Vilma and Ginger. Trying to develop early relationships that will be necessary for the rest of the game. Just need to show activity in tribe chat so my tribe mates not see me as an inactive player because inactive players are usually the first one out. 

So we won the reward challenge and we get a firemaking kit, and inside there's an immunity idol clue. Jacob and Stephen both get it, and Jacob told me it was hidden at the beach. I have no clue if he is lying or not, but if he isn't it means God was right to tell me yesterday that it is at the beach. Now i just need to be the first one to search the next time around. 

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So talking with Stephen, he seems to say the word "snazzy" a lot, so I've nocknemaed 

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Oops i didn't finish...I nicknamed him "snazzy Stephen". What's Snazzy Stephen gonna call snazzy today!?

So we won the reward challenge! Great. The morale seems fairly high amongst our tribe. I've had conversations with pretty much everyone in some way. No talk of strategy or alliances have begun, from what I'm aware. I hope we win this challenge, because I feel good about this tribe. 

I mean, can I not flop this first challenge ? I feel like this tribe is a very good mix of people, chemistry is there so now we just need not to be total failures ! hehe 

After all the bonding I love this tribe, Dean is a lot more reserved than the rest of the tribe and hasn't approached me yet, but everyone else has talked. I've got a nice alliance with Michael and Sluggy, as well as some trust with Tyler and Stephen. After Michael won us the firemaking challenge I found the idol clue. Once everyone has used their firemaking advantage, I'll decide who I share the clue with. So far I have told Sluggy and then Stephen got the clue. All Giraffes Deserve Kisses.

Usually I wouldn’t mind going to the first tribal, but with 6 people all it takes is one misstep to be the target, and I don’t want to risk that. That being said if it does come down to that i think Jacob, Tyler and I will stick together, all we need is one more than that. 

looking over the whole cast, I realised I know Dani & Sluggy from other survivors that's cool

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I got 30 point something seconds like 3 times I hate fairdyne

So basically I've talking quite a bit with Emily and Randy, they're great people. Overall people are super nice, it's awesome! The Ala Mai flag winning is bullshit though what kind of judges were those? I'd have been fine with Faatasi winning, that's a nice flag, but Ala Mai's was ugly af sorry bros 

So, Emily and I are working together to try to find the idol! Which is exciting, hopefully one of us will find it. If I do I’m pretty sure I’ll tell her because it will show that I trust her?!! I talk to her and Randy the most on our tribe and I really don’t know where I stand with everyone else

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i got a big fat 0 for the team but I’m glad our tribe won! Everyone else did great.  Hopefully no one points out how weak I was in the challenge. I’m going to savannah for the night tomorrow so I’m glad not to worry about tribal council while I’m out of town! Yay for not being the first boot!

ok see I am here to win but I got ginger on my tribe!! we love us a good ol rival so yeah even though he's acting fake and said he wants work with me I can't trust him with that I have built a good connection with Veni and Vilma and hope they will stay loyal as well. I am worried about the tribal as my score was bad but lets hope for the best 

Right. So we’ve just won the immunity challenge but all the rats on my team did well so it doesn’t give us an easy target for any upcoming tribals. I got some T from Michael letting me know that both Jacob and Dean found the clue to the hidden immunity idol and they told him but not me. First off rude considering I told Jacob I’d tell him if I found it. I’m in an uncomfortable situation already on this tribe, I feel like i don’t have as strong of connections as everyone else and it’s scaring me. All I need is two friends to guarantee my safety and it’s looking like those friends will be Michael and The kid from Singapore (don’t remember his name oops). This season feels different, I usually feel powerful but Rn I feel like I’m having to push to navigate my way into relationships with people. Also some of these guys on my drive give off the arrogant and cocky vibe and I hate it. 

Only one in my tribe to win a challenge, got the r/ultrahardcore alliance, everyone knows the idol clue because Michael got looser lips than Mia Khalifa.

I *think* we're voting Emils? I mean he's been the least active and from I've been told he has not talked to people much (including me) so. I hope it goes well. Usually I am pretty calm in the survivors I play but goddamn I am paranoid. Maybe since I am enjoying myself so much so I don't want to go yet? 

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Logically I won't be voted out here, right? I've talked to basically everyone a fair bit, I did the whole flag and I got 2/2 possible points. I'm safe.. right? 

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Here is veni's power rankings of the people in my tribe: 1. Oulu 2. Tel Aviv 3. Richmond 4. Allan 5. Emils 

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So I re-read my Fairy Survivor S2 stuff I wrote pre-game and goddamn if I am not a broken record. I am basically doing the same thing this time I love it lol. I do hope the experience I got in the year and a half between those has taught me valuable lessons. 

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Tel Aviv has really high gamesense and sense of strategy. We both discussed how important it is to have that one loyal person to win. I hope he implies I am his. For me it's Oulu I think

Okay so the first round is almost over. Thankfully my tribe was able to win immunity because I am not ready for tribal that's for sure! These small tribes freak me out. But...if we do end up going to tribal I am ready because I FOUND AN IDOL! I'm a little skeptical because it was way too easy and so I'm scared everyone has an idol but we shall see. I'm really terrible at games in the beginning because I hate awkward small talk so I was definitely scared of tribal. I'm not in any alliances yet but hopefully that is because it is still early. I'm trying to prove myself an asset and I was glad I did great at that shark game. It was very challenging to play because I had my baby smashing my keyboard or mouse and closing out of the game in the middle of playing, ahhaha. 

Day 2: Won Reward challenge!! WOOT!! All that effort wasn't for naught. The /r/ultrahardcore alliance was made between Sluggy, Jacob and myself... Im not sure how I feel about this. Immunity challenge announced, Flash games while I'm at work. FUCK FLAPPY BIRD I can do this Hextris and Shark game... I will submit one of these. Fire lighting challenge, I fail at striking a light. Sluggy and Jacob tell me that Jacob has an Idol Clue, it is apparently on the beach. Continue my chats with everyone. Dean also tells me about the Idol clue, either its on the beach and people trust me or there is an alliance that is fabricating stories. Work out everyone but Tyler knows about the clue so I tell him Gained Tyler's trust End day 2 Day 3: We win Immunity, YES!!! I spent the day continuing to build relationships. Mention to Jacob the Tyler doesnt think he likes him and to win Tyler's trust Jacob told Tyler about the clue, but it seems to only further distrust as he waited so long to tell him about it. This could have made Tyler distrust me more as well... Working with Jacob could be dangerous down the line. /r/UHC needs a 4th... Dean and Tyler's names are suggested. Trash talk hosts in tribe chat all day. Im worried my chattiness may put a target on my back, will need to be careful. End Day 3 

I’m loving my tribe and our female avatar presence. Whoever is rob Mariano I kind of want to vote out though. I’m super glad we won immunity and I don’t have to try super hard to be chatty. Loving the format so far 

HI I'M VILMA AND I'M VERY EXCITED TO PLAY I also suck at making confessionals because they take a lot of effort for my Finnish speaking ass so I like to just copy bits from my host chat, be prepared Right off the bat I was confused because I didn't get cast with anyone I would've played with before. I recognized a few familiar faces but most people I have no frame of reference for. This meant I couldn't rely on riding with any pre game relationships and I had to actually socialize with people. Thank god we didn't have a one world phase this time around so I only had to keep up with five other people! Clash playing hard right off the bat I specced his season so I know he was a big moves type of guy haha I wanna make sure I'm on his good side My tribe is very active But I'm Very Scared Of The Zwooper People They tend to be crazy And I'm not about that crazy life at all I CAN'T EVEN WITH VENI WHERE DOES HE GET ALL HIS JOKES FROM I LOVE HIM Alright I think Veni and I are the only ones left awake And He is my favorite I've talked to everyone except the Latvian guy or was he Lithuanian THE BALTIC GUY Ginger and Clash both seem like people I need to be wary of Power players for sure, and good socially And according to Clash they have bad blood from previous games So I can see them targetting each other if we go to tribal And Clash already made a three way alliance between myself him and Veni Which I'm okay with, as of now Veni I definitely want to work with And I prefer staying on good terms with Clash Allan I have neutral feelings towards, only talked to him a bit so far But I stan the Europe tribe I just can't keep up with multiple convos at once so it's been super confusing Already shared my idol guesses with Veni and Clash I think I'm the only girl on my tribe Not a big fan of that fact Really wanted to play with Emily I hope we both make it to a swap so I could meet her Chatting with these people I've started to realize how much I abuse caps lock and exclamation points It's a really bad habit Should probably tone it down, everyone must be thinking I'm screaming at them constantly I'm playing so different compared to how I usually play I usually never initiate convos And try to step up as little as possible While still being friendly with everyone But now I've been very social It's weird Feels like I'm harassing everyone ... Unfortunately, we lost the first immunity challenge ... YIKES I'M GOING TO BE THE FIRST BOOT CALLING IT NOW HOW TF DID THEY GET 6 MILLION I think Emils might be the target Which I'm okay with since he seems to only be online a bit in the evenings Everyone knows I hate losing challenges so I want active people He seems really nice though, but seems like everyone has talked to him the least Clash told me that him and Ginger have decided to leave their past behind so I guess they're not going to target each other just yet I'm glad he's telling me this though it makes me trust him a bit more But I'll still keep my eye on both of them _ Ok hi I'm checking in about an hour before tribal and as far as I know Emils should be going home tonight. It's been super quiet around camp though and it makes me feel paranoid, but I hope it'll be an easy first vote. Veni wants me to make a chat with him and Ginger so we could solidify we make it through next round if we end up having to go to tribal again. My issue is I think Clash and Ginger are closer than they seem and I'm scared if we made a chat without Clash and he found out about it he could become angry. That's why i'd rather it to be a four-way chat between me, Veni, Clash and Ginger but we shall see what happens in the next few hours I guess.

Okay that went perfectly. Ngl when Ginger was like "someone doesn't know it's them tonight" I FREAKED. Then my name gets written down at tribal and I was like ????. I mean luckily it wasn't me but god that was scary. I really hope we win this next immunity I can't deal with that stress rn lmao. I also have no clue who I'd vote out. Also in other news, Chase is cute af! I'm gonna be so embarrassed when he leaves and is able to read this but it's true. I definitely wanna keep him around for a bit lmao. 

jesus christ ginger you are an evil psychopath.. but I kinda dig it

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also I am mostly done with location based names.. for now