#im just very patient and dont want to rush which is like the opposite of them

[george114]

I think I might actually like someone.

Even the bad pickup lines work.

[rosachaotic]

Remember when i said Talbott and Cereza werent over? Yeah.

I promised yall i would write a continuation of this. For those dont remember that happend, here

Anyways enjoy the fanfic!

Warning: none?? Its more just angst then fluff.(but sorry for my bad english and wording im not very good at writing and I wrote this on mobile)

It's been two months and few days since the big argument Talbott and Cereza had on the hospital wings.

This all happened because Cereza tried to do all the investigation and take down R by herself, but of course that plan failed and it backfired on her very badly. She fought the wizard in white and almost died because of it, losing her consciousness after he ran away, fortunately she was found by Moody who was searching for her after her twin brother said she went missing and was taken to the hospital wings.

She was scolded for it of course, and after that her friends went to visit her. All of her friends were worried for her, especially her twin brother Michael who jumped into her hugging her tight, crying, not realizing her whole body was in pain before he quickly let her go.

After a long chat with her friends and twin brother Talbott got in but he didn't look happy, he asked for everyone to leave him and Cereza alone because he wanted to talk to her, everyone left confused to what was going on.

Outside people could hear both Talbott and Cereza arguing with each other, Talbott was disappointed that Cereza lied to everyone including him about not having any information that could be useful for Circle ot Khanna and that she did is by herself he thought she was dead she could have died because of her reckless decision, Cereza tried to explain herself by saying she thought what she was doing was the right because she wanted to protect everyone which didn't make Talbott feel any less worse but the opposite. Both kept arguing with each other until Talbott storms out of hospital wings not looking at his friend's faces who were waiting outside, Penny tried to stop him but he just ignored her and walked away, once everyone back inside to the hospital they saw Cereza holding back her tears but she did a very job at it once everyone was inside and started crying.

----

Cereza rarely saw Talbott after what happened, she only saw him on the classes they shared but even then he didn't even talk to her, she decided to let it be not wanting to bother Talbott and she thought that this was the end of their relationship. This broke her alot, the happy girl that was always smiling and giggling all the time wasn't there anymore, not only she felt bad for what she did but she thought she lost one of the people she loved the most.

That was until Cereza got a letter in the morning, Andre gave it to her and said "It's from Talbott." She quickly opened the letter and read the paper that said:

"We need to talk. Meet me after dinner in the courtyard."

-Talbott

She thanked Andre for the letter who nodded and said "I hope everything works out for you guys." And left, Cereza also hoped that things would work out but she couldn't help but feel anxious about it. What did he want to talk about after dinner? Why did it have to wait?

"Does he want to end our relationship once and for all?" Cereza thought all day, Cereza knew how to be patient but this waiting was killing her.

During dinner she barely ate anything, Rowen(M!Rowan) was trying to make her eat something but she couldn't.

"You have to eat something, you can't sleep with an empty stomach." Said Rowen, worried for his best friend trying to make her eat. He knew about the letter, Cereza told him about it and he knew how nervous and anxious she was because of it.

"I can't, this wait is killing me.'' Cereza said anxiously.

She then looked around, noticing that Talbott wasn't at the ravenclaw table or at any table of the other houses.

"Did you see Talbott walk in?" Asked Cereza, still looking around, Rowen shook his head.

"No, I didn't, I don't think he is coming for dinner today." Rowen took a bite of his food as he said that.

"Why? Do you know about something??"

"No, no, but...Penny said she didn't see all day, he didn't go to any of his classes." Cereza felt her heart drop, this wasn't like him, he would NEVER miss any class, if there was something Talbott was proud of himself is that he was an excellent student.

"This isn't like him…" Whispered Cereza."I cant, i have to go."

"Wha- B-But dinner time isn't over yet!"

"I'm sorry Rowen, but I have to go."

"...Okay, good luck Cere!"

Cereza nodded and left the great hall running, she opened the big door to the corridor and rushed past the students to the courtyard.

As she got outside she looked around.

There he was, sitting on the tree trunk looking at the stars just like he would when he waited for her for their dates.. Cereza sighed with relief knowing that Talbott was okay...or was he?

She took a deep breath and walked toward him, stopping right before him.

"Hey…" Talbott jumped at hearing Cereza's voice, he was probably so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear her walk in.

"Oh, Sorry I didn't hear you coming in…" Said Talbott awkwardly.

"Its okay…"

"..."

"Penny said she didn't see you all day, you also didn't come for dinner as well."

"I felt sick all day and I wasn't hungry."

"Oh...I'm sorry, I hope you're better now."

Silence took over, the only sound they heard was the cold night wind, making things kinda awkward. Until Talbott coughed and said

"Sit here with me." He tapped right next to him, Cereza then climbed the tree trunk and sat right next to him.

Again, the awkward silence.

Cereza then looked at the sky, it was a pretty starry night, she could see some shooting stars.

" The night is beautiful tonight isn't it?" Asked Talbott, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. It is beautiful."

"It reminds me of when we used to have our dates here, you would make wishes for the shooting stars."

"Stupid wishes, I know." Cereza giggled at her own stupid self.

"I never thought they were stupid." Said Talbott.

"Even the one where I wished for a giant puffskein?"

Cereza shook her head smiling a little bit and she also noticed Talbott was smiling a little as well, she missed seeing him smile, but they weren't there to watch the stars.

"Hey, if that's your wish, who am i to judge?

"Talbott-"

"Yeah?"

"Listen, I-I know you said you wanted to talk to me in your letter, but I want to say something first." Said Cereza nervously, while staring at the floor.

"...Go ahead."

She took a deep breath and then looked at his warm striking hazel, who met her golden eyes. Then she finally said:

"...I'm sorry."

"...Wha-"

"I'm sorry for what I did, Talbott. It was very dumb of me try to all of that on my own and it was and it was insensitive and bad of me not to tell you guys the information I had about R."

"Cereza-"

"I should have trusted you all to defend yourselves without my help, I shouldn't have lied to you guys about not finding anything."

"Cereza listen-"

"I shouldn't have done that, I could have died and i didn't thought about how you, my family and the rest of our friends would feel about it if I died, you were right when you said things wouldn't get any better if I-"

"CEREZA!"

Cereza jumped at Talbott who raised his voice at her, he gripped her shoulders and made her look at him, his eyes staring at her but he didn't look angry he looked sad.

"Just...listen to me please."

Cereza nodded and whispered "sorry" and let him talk.

"Look...after what happened, i couldn't stop thinking about that night on hospital wings. That night kept playing in my head over and over every time I went to bed...I felt awful"

"Huh-"

"I felt awful, Cereza. After I calmed down I realized what I just did and how I shouldn't have talked to you that way, but it was too late, I was already at my dorm and I couldn't bring myself to come back."

"..."

"I was ashamed."

"Is that the reason why you were avoiding me?"

Talbott nodded, he took a deep breath as if was holding himself to not cry.

"I thought you hated me."

"..."

"So I avoided you and everyone else as well, it was painful."

"Tal I-"

"I should have thought of your feelings, how were you feeling that made you do all of that yourself."

"...You had all the rights to react the way you did, it was a stupid and dangerous decision that I made."

"But I still shouldn't have said those things to you."

"..."

"I let my emotions take over me, my heart dropped when I saw Moody carrying you to the hospital wings....blood all over you and you unconscious and i thought i lost you..."

"..."

"When i heard you were alive, I was so happy and relieved...but when i heard about why you did that when I heard Michael talking to Moody I...I dont know what came over me, i was angry and disappointed"

"...I know-"

"Not only on you, but mostly on myself"

"..W-why? Why were you angry at yourself??"

"Because I thought I failed you, I couldn't protect you, I couldn't be there for you."

"But it wasn't your fault-"

"Let me finish..."

"..."

"But that doesn't excuse what I did, i didnt think about what you were feeling, how you were feeling. Your feelings that made you do this and your feelings after it...I called you selfish but I was even more selfish…"

"Tal…"

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's cheek, who jumped at her touch but then rested his face on her hand holding her hand even more close to his face. He closed his eyes while he felt her warmth on his skin again after so long.

"I'm sorry Cereza, I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry for everything."

"I forgive you."

Talbott's eyes quickly opened as he looked at her, he was surprised but it also looked like a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders. She continued:

"But...do you forgive me as well?"

"Of course I do."

Cereza also felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders as well, she smiled as she felt tears run down her face and she had to take off her glasses to clean it.

"I-I thought...I thought you called me to end everything between us." Said Cereza as she cried while she tried to clean her tears off her face. She was shaking a little and her breath was also shaky.

"I would never do that." He whispered. "If anything, I was more afraid of you wanting to break up with me."

Talbott got closer to her and hugged tight on to his body, catching her by surprise.

Cereza returned the tight hug, smiling while tears rolled down her face, Talbott also had tears rolling down his face who tried to hide by hiding his face on her shoulder but his shaky breath and the way he sniffed quietly gave it away he was crying. Cereza's hand went to Talbott's hair and was caressing his hair.

"I thought I was going to lose you." Whispered Talbott, not wanting to let her go.

"I thought the same thing…" Cereza whispered back, kissing his head.

Both of them stopped hugging each other as they cleaned their faces but still kept close, Talbott's hand travelled to Cereza's face and caressed her cheek, his hand was cold as always but Cereza never cared about that, she liked his touch.

They both stared at each other, they both knew it was awkward the way they stared at each other but they did not care, their gazes were filled with intense love.

Talbott kept his hand on Cereza's cheek and kissed her other cheek gently but his face didn't move away, in fact he kept face very close to hers moving only a little to her lips, their noses were touching each other and they could feel their heavy breaths, Cereza closed her eyes as she felt her heartbeat go very fast and her face was red, Talbott heart also felt like it was going to jump from his mouth and even his ears were dark red. He brushed his nose on to hers but then kissed her nose, he caressed her cheek once more smiling, Cereza then opened her eyes and saw his smile and smiled back at him. Both of them giving loving smiles at each other.

"I love you." Said Talbott.

Cereza's hand went to Talbott's face and to his cheek as well, as she sighed and smiled again.

"I love you too, meu amor.'

Talbott's smile grew as he heard again the loving way Cereza called him using her first language, while they didn't have their first kiss yet what matters is that they were both together again.

"Just promise to me that you will be more careful." Said Talbott.

Cereza nodded.

"I will...but, do you promise to never leave my side?" Asked Cereza, Talbott chuckled and said:

"I promise, my sunshine."

[serowotonin]

@srkuv’s KNB SHIPS RANKED + ANALYSIS

because “reasons”

lmaoo ok mae hunny dont judge me for these or feel disappointed much or anything kay 🥲🤚 but also these are canon in mae-verse 🤧😌

#1 : GREEN-HAIRED NERD

— aight ok i like the whole “opposites attract” kind of stuff and thus this ship is born. i know i couldve gone with akashi but bruh MIDORIMA IS A TSUNDERE and mae i see you teasing him to no end and its adorable <33,,,,, the guy says he wants a mature older woman or wtv but we all know he’d just as easily (altho he wont admit it) fall for a feral gremlin child as well.

anyway once he gets over his “tsundere-ness” and he “openly” shows affection for you,,,,, 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 legit i find that so cute like imagine him wrapping you in one of his ridiculously large sweaters saying its ur lucky item for the day and ur horoscope is smack bottom of the list so hes all concerned but actually hes concerned cuz its cold out and you dont have a jacket <3

CARING TSUNDERES !! MIDORIMA !!!! lmaoo maedorima OH OR MIDORIMAE YO THATS CUTE right this isnt much of an analysis but i have more charas SO NEXT !!

#2 : BAKAGAMI ‘cutie’ TAIGA

— lol ur top two ships being tsunderes,,,,,,,, LOOK I KNOW YOULL LOVINGLY TEASE THEM AND I KNOW THEYLL SECRETLY LOVE IT so heheh yes it fits uwu. honestly it was hard to pick between him and midorima for top ship but mido won out cuz he’d be internally appalled that he likes you,,,,, BUT THIS GUY he’ll go all red and all soft and mushy and awww the poor guy likes mae

idk how to explain it but i can very perfectly see him crushing on you. and then when u two are together or wtv,,,, i can very perfectly see him being completely whipped and unaware of it

NOT THAT ITS A BAD THING !! BCUZ ITS RLLY CUTEEE,,,,,, ok writing this now makes me realize im pretty bad at analysis all my brain can think of rn is just lil scenarios (which i might give later possibly) BUT YEAH OK NEXTTT

#3 : SOFT IRON GIANT (is thats his nickname i forgot djndjs)

— so not exactly a tsundere (im breaking the trend here hehe) BUT kinda opposite in that he showers you with affection and yk its just rlly wholesome and sweet

plus i think hes a good influence for you 🤧🤧 he’ll find ur energy endearing and probably definitely never get worn down by it (i say probably cuz its mae and she can most likely wear down the most patient of ppl if she tried aheM OKAY)

hes ur personal big teddie bear and yeaah i guess u two would look good together so thats why i ship it

#4 : MANY PUN(ch) MAN

— this cheesy corny couple who teases everyone and makes the most ridiculous puns and jokes. yes. tis MAEZUKI/IZUMAE (personally like maezuki more its cute dkdnkd idk)

yeaah no tsundereness in this nor the softie x feral vibes but just pure banter and cute flirty silliness and aww this actually a rlly cute ship 🥺 u guys are like a tag team and prolly practice finishing each others sentence to weird ppl out or smth IDK WHAT U DO but you two have rlly good sync i think.

also i doubt you tease each other much,,,,, like sure the occasional comment here and there but i feel like you both just enjoy teasing others together ykkk RIGHT OKAY ONTO THE LAST GUY

#5 : AHOMINE ‘betcha didnt expect me’ DAIKI

— LOOK IDK WHERE THIS CAME FROM EITHER OKAY but its an interesting dynamic that idk how to explain :D

and bcuz im rushing this i guess i will just 😶 not 😶 elaborate 😶 totally not cuz i dont know how ahahhaha

[gagmebucky]

FUCK q im so sad and angry FHSK YOU DONT HAVE TO READ THIS SUPER LONG ANNOYING RANT YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL SAfe

OKAY SO I WORK AT A HOSPITAL and I’m going into my sophomore year of college and I wanted to get some experience in a summer job and I just do registration and I had over 20 hours of training but it was so half assed I barely learned anything!! Which is ridiculous bc there’s so many things to learn about insurances and I know literally nothing!! Whenever I have a question for the supervisors they basically tell me to figure it out myself and I’ve been doing that but last night I worked from 11PM-7AM (i just got home UGH) and it was my first shift ever at the front desk and I WAS NEVER TRAINED FOR THE FRONT DESK SO I WAS SHITTING MYSELF but it went surprisingly well?? Like there wasn’t anything too difficult to handle and i was so excited to go home BUT THEN AT 6:55 LITERALLY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES BEFORE I HAD TO CLOCK OUT THIS NURSE (HIS NAME IS FUCKING JOHN) STARTS SCREAMING AT ME

And at this point I’m so sleep deprived and confused I’m kind of just staring at him and he keeps repeating the same thing til I process it and I said sorry like 5-6 times?? BUT HE KEPT YELLING AT ME??????

JOHN was mad bc there was a patient in the waiting room who was waiting for 13 minutes and I didn’t tell him that someone was there which I agree is my fault BUT!!!!!!! John was there when I checked him in!! And in the very minimal training I had we were told to not bother the nurses unless a patient is having chest pain or difficulty breathing bc we don’t want to rush the nurses and they’ll get to it on their own time,, and John was sitting there when I checked the patient in but after I put the hospital bracelet on and everything, John left to get breakfast??? 8 of the 13 minutes the patient spent waiting was because JOHN LEFT TO GET A BAGEL - So I thought that he know there was a patient waiting but just wasn’t prioritizing him, then when he came back he was setting up his computers and equipment and I didn’t want to tell him to hurry up

But then he stomps over to me and takes his mask off and gets in my face?? Which is gross?? And he starts lecturing me about how my job is to tell him when patients are there like!!! YOUR JOB IS TO EXAMINE THE PATIENTS?? AND NOT LEAVE TO GET A BAGEL WHEN PATIENTS ARE WAITING??

And the worst part is!! I have only been working for two weeks and this is the fourth time I’ve been screamed at by a nurse and it’s ridiculous?? They doctors and nurses arent my boss and I get I have to respect them but it’s so gross they constantly yell at me and my coworkers omg. I wanted to be a nurse but now thinking about it makes me feel gross M I HATE PEOPLE OMG i spent the whole car ride crying and i want to quit but i want this job and im conflicted!! Im extremely sensitive and someone slightly raising their voice at me sends me over the edge!!!!!

OH MY GODDDDD THIS SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL IM :( FOR YOU AND 😡🔪 @ FUCKING JOHN LITERALLY WHAT A BITCH ASS PRICK YOURE IN A FIELD PREDICATED ON THE CARE OF OTHERS AND THAT DICKWAD CANT EVEN SHOW U BASIC HUMAN DECENCY??? SEND HIM TO JAIL.. EXECUTION 😡🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪

and i fucking FEEL u on the being sensitive part 😭😭 esp when u treat ppl w decency and respect only to have others unnecessarily get nasty with you as if that’ll even be remotely effective!!!!! it does the exact opposite and makes u want to just stop altogether or purposely fuck things up to spite them (me 😭🕴)

but!! if it makes you feel better, something ive noticed is that it does improve over time and although initially it might bother you, you’ll get good at brushing it off and being secure in your own duties and stuff

im so sorry you had to deal w that fucking ASSHOLE i hope he trips and falls and you won’t ever have to work w him again

[crewhonk]

Henderson To The Rescue

Summary: In which Y/N Henderson saves a drunk Billy Hargrove from certain death. 

Words: 2,263

AN: I dont know if im a fan of this yet, but i hope you guys like my return from hiatus! I’m planning a few things right now and i have a week off from school so its lit. 

Pairing: Billy X Henderson!reader (slow burn, third person)

The first time Y/N Henderson met Billy Hargrove, it was on a cold April night. The cold air whipped through the front door when she opened it, and the hair on her legs stood on end in response. The wind blew her thick brown hair over her shoulders and suddenly the thick University of Toronto sweater she wore was no competition from the biting wind.

“Um, hello. Can I help you?” She smiled, showing as many white teeth as she could— her mother and her brother had always told her that her smile was a winning quality. And as far as she knew, this boy was something she wanted to win.

At her smile, he brought out his own smile, showing off sharp canine teeth and a tongue that swiped across his bottom lip. “I’m here for my baby sister. Maxine Mayfield? Goes by Max.”

Immediately, her smile dropped from her face and her posture grew rigid and straight-backed. Dustin had told her things about this man and she knew he was a time-bomb ready to go off. “Billy Hargrove,” she said. She watched his smile drop from his face and a look of frustration flashed in his eyes. “I’ve been told a lot about you. You can wait out here, I’ll go get Max.”

She turned and slammed the door in his face.

Later that summer, Y/N felt as if she should have stayed in Toronto. At least in Toronto, there were good sports, and cityscapes to explore forever and expensive coffee to drink. In Toronto, there was more to life than farming, and police stations and liquor.

There was also more than fighting God Damned Demogorgons.

“Steven! Get back to the car! They’re gone for now, but we don’t know when they’ll be back, and we are all out of ammo.” She screamed, running parallel to him in the forest. The rifle was gripped so tightly in her fist she felt as if the barrel of the gun would crumple under the pressure.

“What did I say about calling me Steven, Y/N?” He yelled back, his bat bouncing off his back. He jumped over a log and pressed himself against the tree, the side of the pistol barrel to his nose and breathing heavily. She was pressed against the tree adjacent to him and closed her eyes, shaking lightly.

“I will call you what I want, Steven. Now, go to the car. I’ll meet you at the Byers. I just need to get a walkie set from The Castle, and I’ll be there in ten minutes flat. Make sure those kids are safe.” You heard a growl from somewhere behind both of them and Y/N squeezed her eyes tightly, willing the fear that bubbled in her stomach away.

“Tell Dustin I’ll see him in ten minutes, and that I love him.”

“I’m not going to tell him that you love him, Y/N. You can do that yourself.” The growls were growing closer, and Y/N pressed herself harder into the bark.

“Steve. I’m going to need you to listen to me, for once.” You laughed, nervousness creeping into it. “Go to the car.” He hesitated before nodding once and sprinting East. She took a deep breath, cocked your rifle, and sprinted in the opposite direction.

She ran through the woods, and for some reason, the only thing she could think about was how impressed her high school gym coach would have been. She was never the athletic type. Y/N took after her mother, identical curls, and identical full figure. Sure, the gym membership at her UNI was paid through her tuition, but when a small town girl is let loose in a big city alone food will be eaten, and drinks will be consumed. So, long story short, Y/N was built like a Brick Shit House.

She sprinted down the forest path and leaped over rocks and fallen trees. She was on a roll, and if she knew there weren’t any demo dogs behind her, she would have stopped to pat herself on the back. That was until she ran headlong into a wall of flesh. She had tackled someone in the middle of the forest and what was even going on anymore. She was straddled on their lap, and the body underneath her had been knocked out of him.

She rolled off of him and finally looked at the person she had tackled, and the sight she was greeted with made her want to turn around and fight the dogs. It was Billy Hargrove, and he was very very drunk.

“Woah. An angel just came out of nowhere and tackled me. Is this a sign from God Himself?” He laughed, reaching for the still-lit cigarette and the empty bottle of beer on the forest floor. He swore when he discovered that it was empty and rolled around to rest his face on a moss-covered rock. There was another growl following his jumbled words, and this time it was so much closer than she would have liked.

“Hargrove. Dude. We need to skedaddle like, right now.” You urged, slinging your rifle over your shoulder and pulling at him to stand up.

“Skedaddle. Skedaddle. That’s a good one Princess.” He laughed, and it rumbled from deep within his chest. It had suddenly gone very quiet in the woods, and the silence that surrounded the both of you made you want to run.

“Billy. You need to get up.” You growled and pulled harder. He finally lifted his head from the rock and looked up at you.

“Hey! It’s the hot Henderson!” He crowed happily. The laughter was cut off when you slung the rifle around your torso. “Woah Woah Woah! Okay! I’ll get up okay?!”

“Stay down!” She whisper-yelled, aiming the rifle and firing at one of the monsters that had appeared from the shadows. She nailed it right in the snout and it flew through the air away from her. When she heard a howl from behind her, she spun and shot her gun three times, not being able to shoot it in the head, but hitting it instead several times in the muscle on its shoulder. When it had slowed down, and eventually retreated you flicked the safety on your gun so it wouldn’t accidentally shoot anyone and turned once more to Billy.

“Okay, we’re running now!” She yelled, not bothering to try to pull him up with her but instead jumping over his intoxicated body and sprinting for dear life. When she heard him crashing through the bushes behind her, she only pushed herself further and harder. She had completely abandoned the idea of getting her brother's walkie-talkies from the Castle and instead made a beeline for the house.

“Where are we going?” Billy yelled, trying his hardest to keep up with her. She certainly didn’t look like it, but Y/N Henderson was fast. When she didn’t respond, he put his head down and pushed his legs harder, feeling the familiar burn in his chest and the taste of copper on his tongue.

Once they had been running for quite some time, they finally broke through the tree line. Y/N was already facing the way they had come, and she reloaded the large gun quickly— Billy assumed she had done this before— and motioned her head for him to get into the shack-house behind her.

“Get in the house. You’re going to need to knock on the door twice, once and three times. It’s the password that’s going to get you in and safe. I’m right behind you.” Y/N yelled at him, shooting the remaining monsters that had been brave enough to continue chasing them.

“You saved my life, and I’m not leaving you.” He growled, grabbing her bicep and pulling her towards the house. Instead of protesting (“don't be a dumbass, Billy.”), she decided that it would be in everyone's best interest to listen to him. They sprinted up onto the porch and locked on the door six times, waiting patiently for someone to come to the door. “Why isn’t anyone answering?” He whispered, shooting an anxious look over his shoulder.

“I don’t know— Hello? Dustin? Steve? Eleven?” She yelled, banging on the door with her palm.

“Eleven? Like the number?” He asked, dropping all tension from his shoulders in raw confusion. Y/N simply shrugged in response and knocked the secret knock once more.

“Come on guys!” She yelled once more, praying to whatever God was out there that the door in front of them would unlock and open for them.

As if he was listening to her thoughts the locks clicked and the door swung open. When there was nobody on the other side, Billy let out a nervous squeak (‘theres nobody behind the door!” “It’s fine, Hargrove- you’ll get used to it.”). Y/N rushed the pair of them in the house and the door shut behind her, the locks already clicking and the chair shoved under the doorknob by the time she had managed to put her gun on the floor and take her jacket off. She motioned for Billy to follow her deeper into the house, ignoring his hesitation. She knew the last time he had been here, it had not been pleasant for anyone involved. Y/N followed the voices through the house to one of the rooms near the back. She turned the corner, and almost immediately was assaulted by a horde of tiny people.

“Y/N! Shithead, why did you take so long?” Dustin yelled, punching her in the arm once he pulled away from her embrace. She pulled him in closer and kissed his head, holding him to her chest and hugging him tightly.

“I love you so much, Dusty.”

“I love you too, can you get off of me now?”

“Nope.”

“Y/N. Please.”

“Nope.”

“Y/N. Please.”

“Sure.”

“Really?”

“Nope.”

It had been an hour since Billy and Y/N showed up to the Byers home, and after much screaming, and much explaining, the kids had finally fallen asleep in Will’s room, Steve had taken Jonathan’s old bed (Nancy and Jonathan had long since left for New York with no intention of returning), Joyce had retreated to the kitchen and was chain-smoking, and Jim was out doing whatever Jim did best. This left Billy and Y/N to there own devices, and they found themselves sitting on the front porch sitting side by side and staring out across the driveway in silence.

“Steve took my showing up pretty well, huh?” Billy whispered voice raw from yelling and defending himself. He lifted a cigarette to his cut lips and cracked his bloody and bruised knuckles. Steve had immediately dove for Billy, and after several minutes of fighting and swearing, Jim and Eleven had managed to tear the two Alpha males from each other. After they had been patched up (Billy needed more medical care than Steve did for once), they had sat down, drank a beer and shook hands.

Y/N took the cigarette from between his fingers and took a long drag. “Don’t tell Dustin I did that, he would kill me.” She coughed.

“Yeah,” she continued. “Boys are really fucking weird. You throw hands and suddenly you’re friends? Can you explain that to me?”

Billy chuckled and leaned forward on his knees. “I wouldn’t say we’re friends, but the beer was a peace offering. Girls are the weird ones. Why do you call each other names behind there backs and then act all sweet and shit to each other's faces? With men—“ He was cut off by a loud laugh from Y/N. “With men— shut up, Y/N— with us, we have everything on the table. Everyone knows how everyone feels.”

“Yeah, and once they all know how everyone feels you guys whip out your dicks and measure them side by side.” Y/N laughed. She looked over to Billy who was already looking back at her smiling. She hummed, and rested her cheek on her hand, not breaking eye contact with the mullet-clad boy.

“You changed my life within twenty-four hours, you know. You showed me that I’m part of something far bigger than myself.” He said, stubbing out the cigarette on the toe of his boot and lighting another one.

“Don’t be so cheesy, Hargrove.” She said, leaning into him and nudging her shoulder hard against his.

“How could a dame like you know how to shoot a gun and life knowing that there are demons on this planet.”

“Well, my senior year was a mess— with all the happenings with the Upside Down and all. Jim taught me how to shoot, I protected Dustin and Nancy and Steve and Jonathan. Then I left home and never looked back. Now I’m here, right back where I started.”

“I mean, I can totally tell my friends that a college girl from Canada saved my life when I was drunk in the woods.” He laughed, letting you take the fag from his fingers and claiming it for your own.

“Now that’s a story, Hargrove. And for the record, I’m a university student.” Y/N’s eyes drifted back over to the driveway, and Billy watched as her eyes traced over every constellation in the sky. Billy never thought he would be attracted to someone who was such a brick-house-gunslinger-Canadian, but here he was nevertheless— fighting monsters and smoking with pretty girls.

[wanna-17]

yoon jisung first meeting! AU

summary: in which you are flaked by your friend on open day and meet a cute uni tour guide 

length: 1.7k

a/n: oops this turned out very long but hope you guys enjoy it regardless

you couldn’t believe the fact that you’re friend had flaked you for the uni open day 

well she didn’t exactly flake you as she really was very sick and had a fever 

you even went to her house to check if she was alright 

the uni open day was basically a day in the holidays prior to start of uni where all the first years could go and visit the uni they were gonna start attending and be able to meet people in their degree and get a tour of the uni by older uni students and receive aesthetic booklets and freebies you wanted the freebies lmao

and like in order to get a spot, you needed to sign up 

and you were really shy so you mostly relied on your friend to do the talking

but you had no choice but to go bc you’d already signed up and you also wanted to see the uni properly since you never got the chance to go as it was in the city 

idk if this is a thing for anywhere in the world like in Australia we have open days but its not like compulsory or anything just beneficial lol

so there you were at your uni open day 

you almost hopped on the wrong train and it took you a good 15 minutes to find the meeting area

luckily you’d given yourself extra time in the morning so you were right on time

you told the girl at the desk your name and grabbed the files and freebies bag that was pre-prepared and you also had to awkwardly explain to them that your friend was sick and that you also had to get her freebies bag lmao

after getting all that stuff, you awkwardly hung around in the corner of the big room by yourself pretending to be scrolling through your social media me 24/7

everyone around you had at least one friend keeping them company and everyone was chattering 

and you were just.......there feeling super shy and awkward and self conscious 

and then suddenly there was a tap on your shoulder

you looked up and met eyes with a boy smiling brightly at you 

it was probably the brightest smile you’d ever seen in your life 

and when he smiled, his eyes would sort of crinkle in a cute way and it made his eyes look like crescents?????

you were low key blown away, why was such a cutie talking to you?

“hey, so i saw you standing by yourself, did you need any help?” asked the boy cheerfully

“oh-uh-i-am-fine” you stuttered awkwardly in reply

firstly you were an awkward bean and secondly this guy being cute did not help your emotions at all 

you had been to an all girls high school and you had basically turned socially awkwardly and lost the ability to talk to those of the opposite gender except for your dad lol me

“oh ok! are you waiting for someone?” asked the guy 

“um i was meant to come with my friend but she got sick so ‘m also grabbing my friend’s stuff” you replied quietly with your head slightly bowed down 

“cool! that’s so nice of you!” chirped the guy, “i’m jisung by the way, what’s your name?” 

“i’m y/n, nice to meet you jisung” you replied 

“well i can keep you company before the open day officially starts, we never start on time” 

for the next few minutes you guys chatted briefly and had small conversation 

you were in awe at how nice and patient he was 

most people would have probably gotten annoyed at you because you were quiet, shy and super awkward 

he was like a ray of sunshine, super cheerful and slowly he made you feel more comfortable even though your replies were short and boring 

the open day started and the person at the front who you assumed was a professor called out for the tour guides to come to the front 

jisung who was standing next to you walked up to the front 

you were surprised because wow you were talking to a uni tour guide??? who was so nice???? and cute????

jisung happily went to the front and joined the other uni tour guides who were forming a line at the front 

the professor made them say their name and to share anything about themselves

when it was jisung’s turn you paid extra attention 

he was just so bright and lovely and you couldn’t get over how his smile could light up the room 

“hello freshmen! my name is jisung and im a second year. to be honest, i graduated high school a few years ago and had to put off uni for a couple of years due to problems. when i started last year, i was quite nervous and insecure because i was older than most of the students but here i am now! uni is a great place and no one at uni cares about your age, your circumstances, your background and all that. i’ve made a lot of friends and have been welcomed by so many people. so why am i saying this? i’m sure that there are some of you that are very nervous and worried so my goal is to help you guys adjust to uni and help you to love it and make the most of your time here!” says jisung in his speech 

the professor nodded in approval and all the first years clapped

“hey guys no, clap like this! it’s called the jisung clap” says jisung as he deomonstrates a cute yet silly clap where it was he clapped in a circle 

everyone laughed and followed along 

*cue everyone in the hall clapping the jisung clap for a solid minute* 

you laughed along with everyone jisung was definitely a fun and nice person 

after the tour guides finished all their intros 

the professor was like “ok first years get into groups of about 15 people and you’ll be allocated a tour guide”

you stood there awkwardly frozen in your spot as everyone around you made groups with their friends and were introducing themselves to new people

you felt really worried and intimidated as a gush of anxiety rushed over you 

just as you were planning to escape with your bags of freebies a voice called out your name which you recognised, “hey y/n, come and join my group!” 

it was jisung, he was a couple of metres away from you already and he used his hands to wave you over

you gave him a meek smile and had no choice but to join his group

the tour went for a good 2 hours as the uni was massive 

jisung was so nice that he looked at everyones timetables and showed them where the lecture rooms and tutorials would be held

he also gave everyone tips along the way, told everyone where the best and worst bathrooms and just really fun facts about uni that actually made the tour interesting 

and throughout the tour you couldn’t help but find yourself slowly falling for jisung

yes he was handsome, but his personality glowed - he was so sweet and down to earth and humorous 

but you felt hopeless because your last crush was in grade 10 when a boy opened a door for you and you felt your heart racing lmao 

and you couldn't help but think that jisung sorta paid extra attention to you during the tour??????

like when the other first years were chattering amongst themselves he’d appear beside you and chat with you 

and during lunch he squeezed tomato sauce on your sausage sandwich and it was probably one sided but as he was squeezing the tomato sauce, the sausage sandwich was on a fragile cheap plastic plate and it nearly toppled over and both of you guys had tried to save the sausage lmao and in the process your fingers made contact 

and you were blushing so hard that you couldn’t look up

but little did you know he was smiling to himself bc you were so cUTE 

he’d also offered to hold your numerous freebie bags and your stuff when you had to go to the bathroom 

bc tbh you knew he was so nice to everyone so it wouldn’t have any special meaning 

and tbh it was probably just a fleeting small crush lol

as the tour came to an end, you wondered if you’d ever see jisung again bc the campus was so big and he was a second year so you didn’t have classes with him 

just as you were prepared to leave, you looked at jisung one last time who was chatting to the professor 

you silently said goodbye dramatically in your head as you took one last longing looking at him you were too shy to say goodbye even though he had said goodbye to all the first years in his tour group lmao introvert problems ME 

just as you had taken like 7 steps you heard someone call your name 

it was jisung’s voice which you had come to recognise as he had talked nonstop for 2 hours 

“y/n!!!!” 

“hello jisung” you said shyly

“y/n you didn’t even say goodbye to me” pouted jisung 

“haha oh sorry..” you replied unsure of what to say 

“so like are you heading home now? wanna go together?” asked jisung

you looked at him in shock and started blushing before nodding 

“well if you were wondering, i dont mean to be creepy but i had a look at your application form and you actually live 2 streets away from me so i was thinking it’ll be nice if we could travel to uni together if you want, but that’s only if you want no pressure!” said jisung 

you were so surprised that you didn’t know what to say so you just nodded as he smiled brightly beaming at you 

“let’s go now then, we can grab some ice cream place that just opened!” said jisung 

and as you two walked out the uni, you couldn’t help but think this year was going to be really great and that uni was something you could look forward to and that maybe you could overcome your shyness in talking to guys

and if your friend hadn’t flaked on you, you probably would never have met jisung, so you were thankful to your friend !!

omg i feel like this is terribly written and super long and ranty. it was actually 2k at first and i had to cut it down lmao. as always, please let me know how you find this!! im still not over seeing wanna one in real life TT 

find others here: daehwi (x), sungwoon (x), woojin (x) and guanlin (x)

[transfagged]

all 92 😘

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?no way man she’d probably dom the fuck out of me

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity?n o p e

4. Is trust a big issue for you?YEAH

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?like in terms of romantic??? no. like in terms of “we have a really weird relationship and idfk how i feel @ you”? yeah.

6. What are you excited for?april 19th!!! my friend and i are going to go see phoebe bridgers in madison!!!!

7. What happened tonight?its 10am so ill roll with last night: i played nv and got killed in a beautiful cacophony of deathclaws and the legion :) and then my game crashed.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?no bc id be right there with them

9. Is confidence cute?very

10. What is the last beverage you had?i think some water? okay not the last but: hot water is so good with wildflower honey pls just drink some its good for your soul okay???

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?opposite is bullshit but i guess like,, 3? half my friends are nonbinary so counting EVERYONE regardless of gender and shit id say 6 people

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?im a proud supporter of boys in skinny jeans and i own 2 or 3 pairs

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?my main ho @thebonerfoy is coming up to visit me and were probably gonna pack all my shit in her car and play cards against humanity

14. What are you going to spend money on next? lmao probably my student loans. unless i can get the hours i asked for at work or a sugar daddy, then im gonna buy a proper lid for my fishtank bc my poor kid has a piece of cardboard rn.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?no

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?yeah. even in a state of stagnation were changing somehow.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?probably amanda, but im working on trying to be better with everyone

18. The last time you felt broken?my dude, im broken right now. its okay though. like i said, im working on it. were all fckn broken somehow.

19. Have you had sex today?not unless a ghost and i got in on in my sleep. which would be pretty cool ngl

20. Are you starting to realize anything?on a deep level: i deserve respect and a lot of my issues relate directly to my upbringing, including my inability to receive praise or speak well of myselfon a not-deep level: kinda hungry.

21. Are you in a good mood?i think i just heard fedex or ups outside so my mood just skyrocketed

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?maybe like. nurse sharks. theyre really cute.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?yeah

24. What do you want right this second?to take a day to go into the city with all my friends that i cant see on a regular basis

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?probably be upset unless we discussed it beforehand. then id be fckn cheering for them like you go get some!!!! do it man!!!! in general tho: if i wasnt with them and they didnt show interest in me and showed interest in someone else id just move tf on.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?half of it is bc my roots are growing out

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?no. too boring.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?okay so i went to renew my library books and one of my favorite youtubers is on the library website dressed as one of his characters and i completely flipped because i watch his gaming channel and now hes interviewing authors for my library??? he doesnt even live in my town!! hes in madison!!

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?no? im enjoying my solitude atm

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?depends on the person

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?no! hes my friend and gives really good advice!

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i think so. i mean, were kind of a thing.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?yeah.

34. Listening to?killer - phoebe bridgers

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?only if im doing a rough journal spread, which i dont normally do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?hes probably in class right now. 

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?love at first sight? no. some sort of mutual infatuation/attraction? yes.

38. Who did you last call?my mom

39. Who was the last person you danced with?dancing with as in both dancing at the same time? probably amanda or my mom.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?we were dating and he was cute lmao

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? a couple months ago? 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?no bc she leaves for work before i wake up

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude?lmao no.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?no. as previously stated, i liked the guy and he was cute. why would i take that back?

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?my mom

48. Do you sing in the shower?sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?yEAH

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?yes i love my bow :’) its so good and wow i love archery

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?picture day junior year of highschool, and if that doesnt count: my mother took me in at jcp to have pictures taken when i graduated 8th grade and theyre awful bc my hair is so long and its so not me

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?excuse me, how dare you,, in this house we ask for war and peace for christmas because npgc1812 is so good and then get addicted to ghost quartet (@ anyone reading this: pls listen to ghost quartet it is so so so good)

53. Is Christmas stressful?depends on the year, but i hope in the future i can spend it with my friends :)

54. Ever eat a pierogi?i just had some last night for dinner and im probably going to eat the leftovers in a couple minutes. also, my mother is polish and we see her family for holidays, so yeah. lots of pierogi in this house.

update: i got the leftovers

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?idk??? apple? im basic okay i dont eat pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?1. teacher2. ballerina3. both 1 & 2, simultaneously4. paleontologist5. archaeologist6. both 4 & 5, simultaneously7. librarian8. game designer9. author/illustrator

57. Do you believe in ghosts?yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?almost daily

59. Take a vitamin daily?im supposed to ;) vitamin d deficiency like a real champ

60. Wear slippers?real talk i never liked slippers but then i bought these cute pig slippers @ walmart for $10 and i love them so much i tried wearing them to sleep last night. also im wearing them rn theyre so cute

61. Wear a bath robe?i live in a dorm, so yeah. to the bathroom and back when i take a shower. sometimes im lazy and i just run around in a towel but so do half the people on my side of the hall lmao were all lazy and dead inside

62. What do you wear to bed?fluffy pajama pants or sweats, tshirt or hoodie, socks, sometimes slippers.. once i fell asleep with a beanie on. when im being an Adult i wear my actual pajamas!!! like a legit shirt and pants that match

63. First concert?none that i was old enough to remember :’) apparently my mom took me to the rodeo when we lived in texas and saw some country group but i was like 2 so idfk

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?TARGET I AM A CERTIFIED TARGET GAY

65. Nike or Adidas?adidas bc my feet are too wide to fit in nikes

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?yall real talk i used to love cheetos but i think im allergic to them now? last time i had them my throat got all swollen and hurt for like 3 days so im gonna have to say fritos. plus theyre really good if you put them in chili

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?sunflower seeds bc im a slut for anything i can have a spitting contest with

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?lmao i used to like her when i was like. 11. not my scene anymore

69. Ever take dance lessons?i dont think so?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?anything that makes them happy, but also something fun!!!! like wedding photographer or a baker or maybe zookeeper?

71. Can you curl your tongue?idk??? kinda????? i can tie a cherry stem so i want to say yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?no i always got out bc my anxiety made me stutter/rush and miss letters, so i never even got past the classroom levels to the real thing

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?a lot!!! i laugh so hard i cry and get a stomach ache more than id like to admit

74. What is your favorite book?eleanor & park by rainbow rowell :) OR alice’s adventures in wonderland by lewis caroll

75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on if i can get into hyperfocus mode or not. if not, then i pick one song and put it on loop and blast it until it fades and is just loud background noise, but if i can focus then silence is best

76. Regularly burn incense?i used to but no burning anything in the dorms :( then i came home for break and it started giving me a headache

77. Ever been in love?i think so

78. Who would you like to see in concert?kesha, against me!, my chemical romance (rip), bigbang (also rip)

79. What was the last concert you saw?the one i mentioned earlier @ a rodeo

80. Hot tea or cold tea?hot tea

81. Tea or coffee?i live on coffee but i love tea too so both

82. Favorite type of cookie?mmm snickerdoodle. or just sugar cookies. chocolate chip is good when theyre hot and melty but not as good when theyre cold

83. Can you swim well?yeah! i love swimming!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah?

85. Are you patient?hahahahahahhahahahhahahhaa

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?oo. oooooo. okay so dj would have more variety of music but im a sucker for live music??? idk i feel like a band would be more memorable, but what if they fuck up your favorite song??? but what if they make it more special???????

87. Ever won a contest?yeah! i won an art contest once and got my drawing printed on christmas cards for a nonprofit that did things for cancer patients!

88. Ever have plastic surgery?im 17 i dont have that kind of money

89. Which are better black or green olives?depends on what theyre in?

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?good. live your life fuck the rules

91. Best room for a fireplace?bedroom!!! i love fireplaces in bedrooms its such a Look

92. Do you want to get married?idk. if it happens then it happens. im not planning on it though.

[mabsj]

Continue on my previous post....

I smiled when I remembered about it..

The Skies

Sky is the most stronger moment.. She gave me a shape.. hahaha.. well.. she like full moon.. because of its shines bright as ever.. and its a shape of my nickname.. This is where my heart felt sad and tears started rolling down my eyes.. Every night whenever we were on the phone, she used to tell me to look at the moon.. I still remember at some point where she saw the brightest full moon, she would ask me to look at it.. And I will seriously look at it.. Got one night where she saw it again, and that moon was not in my view, just to make her happy, I go out from my house litterally with just my boxers(length like a shorts pants) and my singlet rush down and walk faster to the nearest park just to make her happy and watch the moon together with her.. I laugh softly through my heart.. Just for the sake of seeing her happy.. Just wonder how trully I love her.. But moments later, it turns into sadness.. She ask me, "Please don't ever leave me, I trully love you".. She said that in malay.. I replied to her, my love for her may not be the same shape as the moon, But I only have a shape of a heart.. A heart of mine only for her nobody else will have the special as her and I promise her that.. How in the world I can still remember piece of it.. I dont even contact her or have her contact number, I dont even add her on fb or instagram or any social media.. But this love of her's re-appear out of the sudden.. I called my best friend, Hisyam,.. I call him and told him what happend.. He laugh.. He told me something that I totally forgot way when I told him that I agree on my wife marriage proposal.. He told me, I make a good choice.. But I should remember, not all the good path the road will be smooth.. You have to be strong to go through.. But you will not be alone.. Allah is always with you.. He knows what is best for you and He knows the limit of your patient.. He may be giving you surprise, which you dont expect or didnt want it to happend.. And at the same time, He gave you the test.. I told him, it wont be happening.. Because she is someone's wife.. Im someones husband.. Its a sin for me to have feelings on someone's wife eventhough she is my previous lover !!! And he replied, "Za.. What you plan is not what you will have compulsory.. Allah is our Creator.. He is our God.. He plans, He knows what is best for us.. He may give us a bad sign, or He may give us a message, or He may giving us a good sign and answers.. He listens to every of the Dua's we all make.. He knows when is the right time to give it.. He knows it was a very long time ago relationships.. But He knows the sincererity of your heart towards her back then and the suffer you go through.. Hung up the phone and i gaze at the skies.. The memories still flashes eventhough I tried my very best to stop.. But this time, its getting tougher.. I felt the sorrowness, the emptiness, the tears, the happiness, easy to describe is everything that I felt.. I know I dont have that strength as my heart has become weak.. I remember this weakness feeling.. I remember clearly as clear glass.. It was the same as the moment Im being far away from her even we just met.. And thats what I feel.. I look at the skies and the moon.. I know I couldn't see Allah but I know, Allah sees me.. I closed my eyes and I start to pray to Allah.. This prayers some sentences is missing because I prayed for quite some time and couldnt remember some words but I try to put it as a combination in english and malay..

"Ya Allah.. You given me a test that weaks me totally.. You gave me a feeling which I shouldn't be feeling.. You gave me the memories which was years back ago.. You gave me the love that I left it behind.. But You gave me the feeling back.. I may not know whats the reason behind it because I dont find the answer to it.. I leave it to you.. If trully she is missing me, thinking of me, started to love me, Aku berdoa PadaMu Ya Allah, let it disappear.. I know I lied to myself, to her I hate her, I dont want to see her, I dont want anything related to her, lied to her I have sickness, its something I force myself to Ya Allah.. I lied to her I hate her when she wants to end our relationship but how many times what she can do is what I cannot do and Im still accepting her.. I lied to her about my sickness and she hates me but I remember she willing to lie to me for a guy who she only know for awhile and even told me it was her cousin but when i found out is it not.. she gave her number to him and I still accept her and forgive her.. and that point while we are on a dating out.. But yet, I still open my heart to forgive her and still accept her.. Because I know, she didnt mean it.. As day by day passes by, she started to became much more aggressive in her anger.. I dont usually scold her anyway.. Whatever she said, cursed, shout at me although it hurts my feelings, I endure it and change it to something like she wants someone to vent her anger at.. I dont know why.. Until One Fine day, my chest starts to feel pain.. My body became weak, my head starts spinning.. I went to the clinic.. And she knows it.. But what was the result shocked me.. Doctor told me I have a very high HBP(High Blood Pressure) and overworked myself.. Maybe thinking too much.. The doctor advice me not to think too much she scared it could lead to depression.. I hide it for a moment.. I dont tell anyone.. I lied to her just a fever.. Just not to make her worry.. When she ask for breakup, I tried to cure it.. but I dont have that energy to do so.. I cried.. It took me so long to let her go.. Eventhough many times she ask for breakup and back together again, but this time I have to force myself.. I know she's in contact with other guy.. How do I know, Im dont stalk.. But Allah show me the path for the truth and I pretend I didnt know at all.. And I dont blame on her.. I blame myself of failing to give more love towards her, more time for her.. All the words that I've said to her, that i hate her, i dont want to see her, i regret knowing her, Ya Allah, you know what I feel at that point of time.. it was the opposite.. But I force myself to do it, just to see her happy.. Ya Allah, I force myself to let her go just to let her continue to see her brightness of her choice.. The moment I say out my decisions, I left without any notice.. I was stranded with depression.. My head hurts and my BP rising up.. It took me years to cure my depression.. Until i was ended up in the hospital.. And my specialist knows it.. She gave me some advice to let me rest.. She told my mum and my mum was shocked.. When she ask why, I told her everything.. She know I still havent forget about her eventhough I tried.. And years later, my wife propose to me for marriage.. Ya Allah, I never encounter someone propose to me where I remember I propose to someone before her.. You guide her to me where my heart still close for anyone.. It took me 9months to sincerely open up.. And I agree to it.. My mum knows I dont have any serious feelings towards my wife.. But I said, "Mum, Allah met me wife her for a reason.. Insyaa'Allah things wont be the same but maybe more positivity..".. Ya Allah, If its true she have feelings for me, remembered me, misses me like the past time, please return back to her as I could not accept it this time.. Ya Allah, forgive her whatever she hurt she had given me, I dont give any hatred towards her.. Ya Allah guide her to the right path and make her happy as if she never felt it before, eventhough she left the pain to me.. Ya Allah.. please guide her to the right path..

Make her happy and strong as if she never felt it before.. Ya Allah, tell her that I do misses her and I do love her, but I have to make this choice to close my doors to her.. Ya Allah, I unable to accept her in my life anymore be it im single.. I dont want to see her suffer anymore.. I dont want to see her go through my dad anymore.. its enough for her.. Im doing this just to see her happy Ya Allah.. Ya Allah, I may be visiting the jetty and make it to be the last.. Im letting her out of my mind, my heart for the last time peacefully.. Return it back to her.. And I pray to you may her marriage that she choose be blessful and happy and shine like a moon like she wishes to.. Ya Allah.. I may not be her choice and I may not be a relious and I may not be a good guy.. But you gave me a wife that is orphanage.. Its the biggest honour and I take it handle it with honour with care and lovingly and responsibly.. And you gave me 2 handsome boy in our life and Im grateful.. Thank You Ya Allah.."

I may make my last visit to the jetty in the late afternoon maybe at night after maghrib.. I pray it would let go peacefully.. I pray you would be happy and strong always like you used to be.. Thank you for letting me in your heart.. I treasure it and appreciate it..

The End