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#im kind of so empty cuz im not obsessed with anything
zushimart · 3 months
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guys tbh i love scara but ive said my piece i think. like ive wrung the cum out of him truly what else is there to say.
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fluffypeachwriting · 6 months
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HIIIII !!!! OH MY GOD HI HELLO IM SORRY FOR COMING HERE AND BEING SO LOUD AND NOISY BUT I JUST FINISHED READING UR STRAWBERRY AND POCKY FANFIC AND OH MY GODDD I AM OBSESSED WITH IT. IVE BEEN BINGE READING IT AAAALLLL DAY AND I AM SOO IN LOVE WITH IT. YOUR WRITING IS SOOOO GOOD IM LIKE !!!!! MAN !!!!!!!!! I LOVE THIS !!!!!!!
I WANNA TAKE OFF CAPS BUT IM LIKE. CRYING SOBBING SHASKING DYING /pos SO LIKE OMGGG I NEED TO RANTT,,,,I LOVE LOVE LOVEEE HOW U WROTE THIS,,,ICHIRO WAS SO CUTE AND ALSO SOO HOT OH MY GODDD ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. I WANT TO DRAW FANART OF THIS SO BADLT LIKE. I HAVE TO. THIS IS TOO GOOD. ALSO THE RELATIONSHIP WITH ICHIRO AND THE READER DIDNT FELT RUSHED OR ANYTHING!! IT WAS SO GOOD,, WHICH IS ONLY NATURAL CUZ THIS IS ALMOST LIKE 60K IN TOTAL BUT STILL !! ALSO UR WRITING OHHH MY GODDDD UR WRITING,,,,I HAVE BEEN STRUCK WITH INSPIRATION AFTER READING THIS- IM LIKE !!1 WOW !!!!! I WANNA WRITE TOO !!!! :D IT WAS JUST SOOO !!!! AGHHHH IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT WITHOUT ME SCREAMING HERE HEELPP...IT WAS JUST SO GOOD !!
ALSO ALSO WHEN ICHIRO LEFT AND THE READER DIDNT KNOW WHATS UP,,, U LIKE CONVEY EMPTINESS AND LONELINESS SOOO WELL!! LIKE,,, IDK MAN I JUST. I FELT THE SADNESS....IT HITS!!!
ALSO ALSO I THINK IT WAS IN CHAPTER 17 WHERE UR LIKE DESCRIBING ICHIROS FEELING AND AND WAS THAT A HANAHAKI REFERENCE??????? IM PRETTY SURE IT IS BUT REGARDLESS THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE WAS SO !! WOW !!!!!!! I LOVE IT SOO MUCH AAAA I LOVE THIS SOSOSO MUCH IM SUCH A BIG FAN OF THIS,,,,HUGE FAN EVEN !!!! You did a wonderful job with this and i genuinely cant wait to start reading ur other fics!! :3 HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!! <3
Thank you so much!!!! It makes me so happy to see people enjoying what I write!!! I still check my notes all the time even though I haven't posted in a while ;; you have a lot of posts on here to get through so I hope you enjoy!! Don't apologise for ranting in my inbox, it actually makes me so happy to receive positive comments of any kind! I don't want people together the impression that I've abandoned this blog or anything but at the same time I don't wanna make a bunch of irrelevant posts all the time and get peoples hopes up about more fic orz
I had a lot of fun creating a characterisation of Ichiro (and the others) that fit with the fic and my personal interpretation of him, while also keeping true to canon as much as I could, so it's so much of a relief to see feedback from people who liked it!
I was listening to Purple Eyeshadow by Furihata Ai on loop while writing the chapter of the same name (the lonely chapter you're probably talking about) if you want to experience what kind of vibe I was going for there ♡ the song is about a wildly different situation tho lmao
I'm not sure what part of ch17 you're referencing sorry but I don't recall adding a hanahaki reference in there, but it's very cool that you saw that in there!
I hope you have a wonderful day too! ☆
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katsukissleepybean · 3 years
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Karasuno's First Years and how well they cook or bake HC's
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Tobio Kageyama
• He would be.. Something else..
• Idk- He just doesn’t seem like a cook to me, nor a baker.
• He would be scolding Hinata for using the wrong ingredients even though he’s no better himself
• I mean, I guess he can simply follow a recipe and it would be fine???
• Sometimes it has an odd taste, sometimes it tastes perfectly normal..
• He definitely tried recipes that include milk and yoghurt or something.
• His breakfast is 10/10 some yoghurt with some fruits here n there. No doubt.
• I honestly don’t know anything further????
• I just see him as a kind of lost dog??
• He would need help in order to properly succeed
• Oh god this is so short for him im so sorry T-T
• I genuinely don’t know anything for him aaaa
• UHm-
• OMG AA-
• Suga and Kageyama made a lime yogurt pie for Tobio’s family
• They loved it a lot
• Kageyama was really thankful for Suga but didn’t really know how to say it so he bought some chocolate for him-
• (because he knows that if he tried to make something it would either taste bad or it wont even make it into the oven)
Shōyō Hinata
• Stop. Please omg stop
• He would be a mess omg-
• He would use curry powder instead of cinnamon powder in a desert because “they looked the same” or some shit.
• Don’t let him near the kitchen please AHAHA
• He would be a fine cook, if only he read the lids of what substance he was using.
• “God Hinata- what did you use in this cake?”
• “Huh? Oh I used this pot!”
• Holds up a now half emptied pot of S A L T-
• I cannot-
• Que the “Boke Hinata!! Boke!!” from Tobio
• Though- Hinata really likes tea
• He knows all kinds of little facts and stuff idk
• So uhm- He would like to organize tea parties and stuff
• Together with Asahi and Suga they would talk about cute cafe’s and little picnic ideas
• Probably would organize a whole tea party as a surprise birthday you know?
• Tikgfdfhsd that is so cute what
• Like everyone got their favorite desserts, food and/or drinks
• All made by the third years, (and a little help from Takeda if it takes place at school), Hinata takes care of the drinks together with Yamaguchi
• Ftkdsfglj I want a tea party with them
• They would lightly decorate the gym to-
• AAA STOP I WANT TO BE THERE
Kei Tsukishima
• I honestly don’t know
• I don’t see him as a baker or a cook
• I honestly see him only just tasting stuff or something
• He also doesn’t eat that much- enough to fill his stomach but still- compared to the rest of the team, he eats the least
• He doesn’t really try out new and different foods that often though
• He’s a very picky eater
• Though- Like Sugawara- He is obsessed with Strawberry Shortcake
• And sometimes Tsukki brings two Shortcakes for them to enjoy
• Though he heavily denies that he buys them for Suga too,
• Cuz like..
• Why would he?.. Right? Ahaha
• He so bought them for Suga stfu
• He is just very happy that someone shares his favorite food
• ANYWAY
• He brings little snacks for Yamaguchi too
• He seems like a caring person to me..
• He just pretends he isn’t and denies everything lmao
• Yamaguchi and Suga are thankful though
• Hinata wants a snack to!
• Tsukki only makes fun of him though
• (Yamaguchi secretly gave a little bit to Shouyo though)
• Anyways- He doesn’t scream cook or baker to me-
• He might make like simple things like sandwiches and grilled cheese
• Maybe mac and cheese (even though to me he doesn’t seem like a person that enjoys mac and cheese- But you know- He could make a simple dish like that)
Tadashi Yamaguchi
• Amazing baker when it comes to bread. Can’t change my mind.
• I think, for some reason, that he really enjoys baking bread
• Like- All kinds of bread
• His favorite is Cinnamon Bread
• With hot chocolate to drink with. Yes.
• Though Tadashi isn’t very confident in his cooking.
• He tends to get nervous and overthink
• It is not really needed though because the food tastes just fine!
• Yams was thinking of being a barista from time to time
• He loves the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the pies that they sell at his favorite café
• But volleyball practice and stuff kind of get in the way and he doesn’t want to stress himself with more work.
• Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmm
• I kind of don’t know anything else for this beautiful bby-
• I’m thinking of the fact that he likes floppy french fries- it’s so cute
• Oo oo- Yams is interested in anything as long as it involves potatoes
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Ahw yisss a part 3✨ i hope u enjoyed and uhhh yeaa✨ Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee🧍✨
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gender--goblin · 3 years
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Before a few years never thought I get so obsessed with fnaf
(btw im not from an English speaking country) So I JUST SAW THE TRAILER OF THE SECURITY BREACH GAMEPLAY And I OH SUGAH ITS LOOKS SO AMAZING like wow
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Okay at the start we hear williams aftons (?!) voice and see vannys mask (the first one out of help wanted) he seems to be talking to vanny basically telling her that she was nothing before william found her and now that's she more... And if she is ready... Ready to kill kiddies on their birthday Like William? I don't think so... I think there something bigger behind it. Also the sounds in the backround. There little clicks maybe an animatronic? Idk
vanny is in a corridor, we can see a Red light and a door on the side
Security girl, yeyyyyyyyyyyy OK ehmmm maybe we are a person who is in some kind of elevator? Then we have the same thing we saw in the others
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I'm pretty sure fazbear entertainment is at the end the real villain here I mean how are they still here???? How many lawsuit can they handle?
Hehe I hope you guys are here to help.... And not. Kill me. The eyes are a yellow/red hope it doesn't mean we have to run when we see them hehe
Interesting look Gregory... Seems a bit familiar doesn't it?
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Striped shirt, smoll, brown hair... Matt is gonna have field trip to hell with this and I'm gonna enjoy it. Is this the official security room? Empty chairs...... Where are they?
I think the voice is security girl. The audio whe heard is something that's gonna happen a bit they met or..... Do they know each other maybe? Why is he even here is this something in CC style? Got bullied and they locked hin in an empty room?.
... Montys..... Interesting
... Who are We that we hide From her? That's security Girl that not Vanny who is hiding cuz she probably would have attacked her... Maybe it's the moment where gregory and Security girl meet?
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So we're probably gregory running away from the glamrocks and vanny who are hunting us and won't stop.... Why are we so important? If we are Just a normal child who is gonna be used to just kill or something like that they just could use another child... Also why only hunting? Not 'trying to kill you '
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Are we maybe someone important?
By morning.... Interesting so does that game play 5 nights or just one night.....???? Maybe gregory appears in the last night??
Into the ballpit haha good ol' scotty
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Who was that voice?.... Both of you burn...?look it's the moon! Interesting....
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Than we have clips of the glamrocks trying to 'hunt you' while running away..vanny. From the same corridor From earlier running and the sun!
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And then vanny again....
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Who is that animatronic?!????!??? They're lookin to be in the style of a monster or....... Is nightmare like fitting?
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So what do you all think? Anything important that I missed?
Wait so read some other posts with the theory that vanny is basically security girl and a few to the last pic spoilers for fazbear frights blackbird!
William in the stichwraith epilog build him a Bunny suit out of fazbear entertainment /cursed parts and animatronics and some think thats him and I'm here thinking.... But as dawko made the video about it he said he is as tall as 3 circus baby's or higher idk
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angelyuji · 4 years
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BAU - Types of Yandere
ive gotten back into my weird yandere phase and ive seen literally no yandere bau so ive decided to make my own headcanons on them ;) im gonna do the og team + tara lewis, since im only on season 11. i’m not gonna do anything nsfw unless requested. enjoy!
TW // DARK THEMES, ABUSE, GASLIGHTING, JUST BAD THINGS!! i do not condone any of this behavior!!! this is just for fictional purposes!!!!!
Spencer Reid:
calculated, resourceful, patient, emotional/extremely jealous
he’s gonna fall fast. u could literally do one nice thing for him and hes hooked.
he’ll watch u for sure, pictures of u will cover some secret area in his house
he won’t try to kidnap u, unless he feels like he has no choice.
u get a gf/bf? he’ll panic and grab u.
remember: he has an iq of 184. hes smart smart, so he’ll probably get away with ur kidnapping
if he has u,he’ll be patient then too. probably lock you up in a closet or empty room till uve calmed down.
if u calm down and pretend to love him, he’ll honest-to-god be the best boyfriend
he’ll read to u and treat u like a literal queen, with limitations, of course... until u earn his trust
hes literally the smartest babie so he knows how to break u if u dont listen or if ur trying to escape
good luck trying to escape becuz ur in the hands of a genius and he probably has plans to either: a) prevent u from escaping or b) bring u back if u escape.
Aaron Hotchner:
resourceful, sadist, calculated, strategic
he probably met u at a coffee place or at the park, ur gonna talk and he’ll be smitten but the way u interact with jack will make or break his obsession
if ur good with jack, then ur done. ur his now. sorry i dont make the rules.
if ur bad/not good ig? with jack, then he’ll slowly distance himself and u’ll be free :)
holy shit, he does not mess around
unlike spencer, hotch has social skills lol
he’ll probably try to get close to u and then show his true colors slowly.start showing, very very manipulative
if u start dating, he’ll rush for u to move in and try to get u to slowly only depend on him and only him.
if u don’t fall in love, he’ll maintain distance and slowly integrate himself into ur life until he is THE most important person in ur life.
if u end up dating someone else, he’ll try to get u to break up with them and try to make them seem like a bad person.
if this person is ur eNdGaMe, ur gf/bf might end up dying in a weird accident and ur going to wake up in hotch’s spare guest bedroom, tied up on the bed. sooo... sorry.
anyway, once hotch has kidnapped u, there is a 50/50 chance u can escape successfully, but in the end, u’ll be back in hotch’s manipulative arms in no time.
jack will be the no.1 manipulation tactic. ex.”jack sees you like a mom,u can’t leave him”
if u do escape, good luck staying low, hotch will find u no matter where u are on the globe.
Derek Morgan:
sadist, quick tempered, manipulative, quick-witted
morgan has literally one of the best social skills on the team.
u are his gf/bf. u have fallen for him. there is literally no way in hell u didn’t
he is the king of smooth (lol thats the dumbest shit ive ever written)
but like once u guys are dating, he’ll start controlling you.
he doesn’t have to manipulate you becuz ur just gonna listen to what he says
if he tells u to stop talking to ur friends, ur going to stop talking to ur friends
if he tells u to not wear that dress, ur not wearing that dress
morgan doesn’t have to kidnap you becuz you’ll willingly move in with him becuz he’ll make u dependent on him and only him
there is no chance you’ll escape becuz u’ve been gaslighted into being his
sorry babie, you’re out of luck.
David Rossi:
listen, out of all the cm cast, i cannot see rossi as a yandere. maybe like a platonic parental figure yandere but like...romantically? ill write for both tho lol
manipulative, phD in gaslighting, toxic, obsessive
Platonic:
he is a helicopter parent on STEROIDS
you wanna go out with ur friends? who are they, what are their names, where do they live? what are their parents names, address, and contact number?
if rossi doesn’t like any of ur friends? holy shit don’t even bother asking to go out, you’ll only get him mad.
toxic parenting TO THE MAX
literally if u don’t listen to what he says, he’ll shame u and degrade you. ex: “you’re so stupid, y/n! didn’t i tell you to put the dishes in the dishwasher AFTER rinsing them? Do you not have a brain in there?” 
he’ll try to not physically hurt you, but if push comes to shove *shrug*
if ur 18, honestly fucking RUN. get into a college as far away as you can and get a job vastly different from his. so you’ll never cross paths
rossi will check in tho at least once every day
if anyone’s bothering you? you won’t see them again
ur boss is being a dick? he won’t be at work tomorrow or ever again.
if u decide to go back home, don’t bother getting a ticket back cuz once you go back to rossi, there is no going back.
Romantic:
parent rossi but romantic instead of platonic basically lol
manipulative, toxic, obsessive, abusive
he’s controlling, emotionally and mentally abusive
god, hes awful
he will make u feel like shit for wanting to hang out with someone else or if you want to leave his mansion
he’ll make u feel like he’s the only one for you.
ex:”no one else will love you like i do” or “who will anyone love you? ur a mess you shouldn’t even be outside!”
you can try escaping, since he’s gone and he “trusts” you to stay home, but there is 89.99% chance you’ll be caught.
Penelope Garcia:
sensitive, jealous, emotional, possessive
omggg yall are probably friends at first
so easily jealous abt e v e r y t h i n g
you can mention how you had brunch with a couple friends. “are they better than me? u never have brunch with me? why do u always hang out with them?”
god forbid you try to defend urself, “are you mad at me?” immediate tears.
then ur apologizing instead of her.
if ur dating? she tracks everything, ur phone, bank accs, where u are, what u watch. (incognito is ur best friend)
but even then,she knows everything ur doing,no matter the time of day
you can easily escape Penelope tho
shes not out in the field much, so as long as u stay off the grid, you’ll be safe.
the only person she trusts you with is the BAU team, so if you escape
be warned that they’re going to look for you too.
Jennifer Jareau:
possessive, obsessive, kind, deceptive
she’s a mild one honestly
she treats you well, and asks you out + dates you like a normal person
but sis believes that u are the only one for her
if you try to break up, “YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME. ILL DIE WITHOUT YOU”
of course, thats not true, but you can’t risk it.
jj is probably the safest one to be with, she won’t endanger anyone unless she has no other option.
you won’t need to escape either, you have freedom and everything in a normal relationship.
you just can’t leave. thats all.
Emily Prentiss:
obsessive, protective, strategic, patient
holy shit, emily is the worst. like jj, she’ll let you have your freedom
you can go out, but emily comes with, she chooses what you wear, and where you go.
“youre going to wear that? are you sure? cuz that color makes you look fat. you should wear that one dress i got you.”
“baby, stop wearing make-up, you look like a whore.”
“the beach? ill come too. i can’t trust you to take of yourself.”
you probably met at a club and clicked
if you try to break up, “you want to break up? go ahead, leave. who would want you, other than me? you’re pathetic and stupid. no one would ever date you.”
she’ll break you down till you only depend on her, so don’t bother to escape.
you won’t have the will to try anyway
Tara Lewis:
mild, protective, calculative, gaslighting
honestly, tara is the last person i see as a yandere, but she’ll be a lot like jj
she’ll give you freedom and everything in a normal relationship, except if you don’t listen her.
tara is controlling as hell, so if you disrespect her or don’t listen, she’ll break you down and make you question your own sanity.
she’s incredibly protective and she plans like 20 steps ahead (a lot like spencer)
be a good gf/bf, and tara will be good back
be disobedient, and you’ll regret it
if you plan right, you can escape.
tara has to be out of town and you would have to be in her good graces to be allowed out when shes gone, but if the stars have aligned in your favor... you have a small chance of escaping
if she didn’t get help watching over you from the team.
thanks for reading! hope you liked! I take yandere requests as well as normal character requests! nsfw/sfw are both okay!
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Im not sure where to start although i feel like i alwyas start with that.My mom says i seem to be doing  alot better and inn truth i am. I feel more myself and joyous and mre personality, and than theres still an emptiness that creeps in. The sort of weird shame feeling i used to get in mornings or without a shirt on, i got it today after grabbing clothes from my moms. maybe this is just a personal issue but im trying not to isolate myself in my emotions. TI appreicate and find it hard to understand the idea of common humanity. It is true humans all epereince these emotions and it is only to ones disadvantage when we tell ourselves were the only ones who have ever felt these emotions. In truth we are the only ones who experience things given we all have different perspectives, childhoods, personalities, and biology of our brains.. yet i think that an important to try to find the common humanity. empathy, relating to one another. we are more alike than we are different. YOu know when your on the freeway and you wonder where are all these people going. Myabe some are picking up there kids, going to a booty call, stopping to grab bananas at the store, and we wont ever know, everyone is all doing there own thing, eveyone is jsut driving just going to work doing things and im wo dering if anyone else is freaked out about what is happening. Why the hell are we here?n why iseveryone not freaking out with the little time we have, i want to make the most out of what is happeing i dont want to waste any more time not being  where i want to be, i wanted to be skinny so i can go on with my life. But i geuess thats alos the point of life. ive been so worried about living that i havnt actually been living. Im failing at an attempt to handle my shit. I look back on the past and how come i can only think, mostly think of the bad things. The relationships that i shouldve ended sooner cuz i didnt really lvoe them as i thought love would be. THey were all merely a disspointment. That sounds rude but to put it this way i alwyas thought there was something better for me. MY parents used to say at times “its never enough for you katie” maybe that is true. maybe im never satisidef. Maybe it was because they were tired and had tried there best and i failed because my needs wernt meant. not that they were needs. I think back to guys ive hooked up with and wish i had higher standards. why did i find satisfaction in attention from people that didnt even care about me. WHen guys used me and i was glad to let them. Especailly when i had previous ly had crsushes on them. FUCK BOYS WITH J names. i dont know why im writing as if im writing a story. maybe it makes it easier maybeim trying to articulate my thoughts into something there not. I think about things that have happened and hope i can maybe use them as a testimony maybe ill meet the love of my life adn get to share all these stories... but i dont things play out like that and thats a weird perspective to have on things thsat occur. Like as if im a narrator. I would get so ecited to send cute pictures of myself when i was  baby and show my boyfriends, or share things with them but then i realized something. they dont care, well definlty not like me. That ecitement about it is not the same as the one im epereiecning and when i was sent baby pictures of them, i didnt feel that warmth in my heart. maybe that makes me a bitch or emotionally disconnected. but how do i know if im feelin. what connections have i made. I used to want to be under the influence and gina my therapist said that people go to substances to feel connection. When i was on coke, life was beautiful i could talk to anyoe and everyone adn words flowed so well. In my head, looking back i probably looked like a crack head and thats the reality of it. I can manipulate my reality but to what is its value if its a lie. if no one else feels or sees what im seeing. ona  nother thought  i think we can make up these sotries in our heads that arnt even true. like somone tells us something or we feel a certain way about ourself so and it ends upso our whole olives our affected by this painting in our head only to find out no one sees what were seeing. my dad said that we can change the past, welll we can change our past by changing how we look at it. and i think if we could grasp it it would change our lives. I think that i could look back and not feel that shame, or not feel that embarressment. But am i not a sum of all the words thoughts and actions ive done or had uot o this point? thats depressing, but if it were something i was proud of then yes i would like to be. but the truth is all wehave is the now and you can start now being a totally different person, but you cant run away from all the consequences of the past i guess they jsut dont matter if you decide to change. but then what about bridges burned. i guess my plan b ina  sense is to run away to another country. but then theres legal issues and this whole system and ates and bad guys and tso m8uch to worry about that i dont feela  sense of freedom. my information is online and under a sytem and i undertsadn why i just wish everything could be quiet for sa sec. mayeb i dont want to be aktie stowers anymore. I get jealos of girls born and raised pretyy. all ive done is starved myself in the process of becoming what i want to be but thats not even me. if i have to starve to et there then i feel as though i dont actuallyl deserve to be skinny. and i fee l so vain for obsessing over this fucking thought. iw anted to be skinny this is what ive said from the beginging can someoine please help me do it. the probelm is that im in treatment for anoreica sub purge type and the reality is that i cant lose weight withought going to etreme measures. it became the most important thing in my life and ive been strung up on the same thought since fucking march of 2018. talk about time wasted. although i know thats no way of looking at it. ive learned lessons and have ad so many beautiufl things happpen. I get told very kind things about myself. i wonder if im actually a kind person or i only do things simply to be a kind person. if eel kinda selfish but i guess we all are. i mean think about how amny bad things are happening in this world and children starving and here i am buying things i dont need anf focuing on myself. but im not doing anything about it. i mean i try to tip etra give to homless ifi can i just feel guilt because i could be doing more but ijalso know that im not responsibly to save the world. jsut seems wrong the way things are. thats why i believe everyone goes to heaven. maybe because i cant wrap my head around the possily fact that barrett wouldnt and also becasue the idea of eternal damnation dosnt seem like the character of a god i want to serve. i see so much bullshit in the church and i just dont know . am i jsut angry. I became so jdugemntal of those judging me and thats just as worse but when theres almost a cluba nd you dont fit into there critera it fucking hutts. and that dosnt feel liek jesus i think jesus wouldnt let us be seperated by rleigion or if you drank last weekend. I think we should all unite and love each other and thats what reallly matters. yet here i am obsessed over being skinny. im down to 4 hour as of yesterday and i feel so much better i do. i just wish i could have one long 2 day therapy session whre i fucking figure out all my shit. ive gone to so much therapy and its been etremly helpful i jsut dont wanna waste anymore time with this baggage. I dont wanna go a minute longer when i could giure all this out. i guess what im saying is i want my life tp be an open canvas and not be unravveling and my childhood issues poopping up.. i want to go into the fututre knowing what i know adn epeireicning my life as it plays out. but i am 18 ishouldnt be thinking this much into things huh i should just let it be and lvie my life. i should be doung homework an teting my frienfds or going on a date. but thats not ther eality of things and alos i think ill look abck and things will be different. IOm also int reatment rn so oviously my situation is not exactly normal. i really do love to write i used to always want to be an author. but i dont kno0w anymore. i jsut dont really like how the sytem works i hate how we all have to go to college amd study things i dont give a fuck about and then some struggle at there 9-5 to merely surve eand ig uess i dont like the thoughr of that. and i know were suppsoed to find joys in the little things i think things are jsut freaking me out. iw ant to quit smoking nicatine but everyday i go out and do it. ig uess that meanns i dont really want to stop because if i did i would. i  and then i feel slightly guilty and opackiy because his is the only boduy im given. like does that not freak everyone out. this is the only way we are able to eperience life. think about how quickly it can be ended. i think that is too much pwier overmyself. nmot that im suicidal but i do think i hgave the power to find out super son what is after this life. judgment day, pure nothingness, maybe ill become a=one of the many ants i ahev enjoyed killed as a punsihemtn for msyelf. or hoe[fully and maybe ill entire a heaven with a lovuing god. a state of being with loved ones. I think thats why people like the idea of heavn the idea that you will see people later. but that discount the factof pain. when someones child dies they dont feel any less pain because a verse about being reunited with the,. because the truht im scared to tyee is that theres a possibility heaven isnt rela. and the loved one that is lost will never be in your reaach again.i feel sad for how ome peoples lifeves go. i hope they get a chance in the after life to have what they wanted. but then i think abotu abd guys. i wouldnt want them in my heaven. i guess maybe who we all our at our core is who would be in heaven beyond all the nasty. yet i dont believ flesh is nasty and i dont believ trying my whole life to not be something i was made to be. if my flesh is evil adn mankind is doomed what the fuck is that. i dont think god would set us upnto fail and i believ ehe understands we are human. and gpd is god and god knew everything that was going to happen up to npw. u know whats crazy is that on the time line we are on the edge of what is to come. being aluive rn. and its crazy that i wont be here in 100 years. ill be merely history. but rn we are whats happneing 7:12 november 11th. we are up to datebecause we are merely aliver. unless there is different universes and this is m,erely a simulation. but besides the point. barrett was talking about just how many books songs and information there is. that makes me pancik there is so many people so many things i could learn and musici could listen to that no one can listen to it all. maybe theresa song out there that is my favorite son that ill never get to lsiten to but i gues si jsut have to trust that the universe ligns up as it should and my life will happen as it should. and alll these things are happneing and were floating in the middle of space and yet i feel like people arnt freaking out. like what hthe actual fuck is happneing. and why do iu want to soedn my one life doing shit that dosn matter or something i dont even love. but thats how life works because you have to have moneya nd i do love bying things. and i jsut need to relax. because when people look back on there past they think if i could only tell msyelf its going to be okaya nd to have fun. why cant i do taht i mean i can but tehn these thughts come in. iwant to be skinny i also love food. starving was easy and i like d seeing my bones show,. i wanted people to see me and know i was hurting but people dont wanna be sround sa dpeople i guess i just wanted o be rescued. and at the same time it was nice to focus on the thingsd because even if all went ot hell if i restricted enought hat was okay my eating idsorder would tell me that  everything was going to be okay because i was taking care of the one thing i actaully wanted. writing this makes me sound crazy to msyelf. i have so many things i want to larn and do and so having an eating disorder makes me feel limated. amd truly it does limit me. it dosnt allow me to worry and think about these tihngs. i just really want to be skinnya dn i dont know where this started or why its so impiortant but i just am not a fann of my boyd. and i know tis terirble because im more than m y body and i know i cant stave mtyself and i know that this makes me self cenetred i know that it didnt pkay out as the damsel in distress that i wanted i know wthat i pushed loved ones away and made desisions taht really arnt alligned with my values because truly i didnt care i just wanted to get skinny i know i didnt look healthy bu in my mind that s the best ive eever looked. i know that the husband i meet is going to lvoe me for whats beond my appreance so it dosnt matter and getting atention from others isnt satisying and only leaves me feeling empty i knwo lifes to short to count your calories, to walk around feeling fraila nd loung every seconds. to reach 109 and not see a body close to what was at 116. to talk about numbers because they w]makr improtant parts of my life adn to allso swear that i dont care that much about the numbers. i care about the look. but if what they say is true and i ahve body dismprhia thats impossible. they say the eating idpsrder says itll never be enough. it will nevr be satisiuded. “ its never enough katie” never enough
and so maybe its me maybe im just this warped person. why do memories come back so weird and hwy did i have su h weird thoughts a s f\child. why do i get filled with so much rage. somtiems i think im the most grogeous girl and others i want to killmsyelf because i fel worthless. imm not suicdial but i can remeberthe first time i thought about killing kmyself i was in the abck seat of the car my brothers wre all teasing me about soething but for whatecer reason i was upset by it. i remebr crying and thinking how bad thye would feel if i killed myself. i carried this idealation iwht me later on. gina says i used this as a coping skill.w whenevr someone was mean, didnt say the right thing, didnt invite me, or a aprent said something hurtful. o thouhgt about it as if i were a ghost. watching how sad they were that they had not done better with me. that they said those angry words last to me instead of teeling me uhow much they lvoed me. that when they gossiped ghey felt so bad after because i was dead. i sometimes wish i could watch this unfold. but thats demented and evil. my ghost smiling with satifdaction as she watches loved one who id love and people who were simply lvingnthere life be affected by this. what good would it do to me or them. it would ruin them, does thaa amke mf evil. and then i realzie thats not how death wokrs. ill go to  wahtevr is after this.a dm why would i waste my eistence on a disguestingnromantizsm of revenge.  shpuld move on better msyelf and make connections and share with my lovedones hwen theyve hurt me or that i need more love.  i love treamnt. i love the lif3 im having. besids hating my body i love doing art and larning life skills and if eel like pooeple love me for me there and i can really be myself and support others. but i cant live my life in treatment. i want to relapse theres a few pros to this. one i get skinny againa dn can take pcitures while im skinnya dn try to do it a healthier way. 2 i can jsut go back to treatment and 3 thats a big fuck you to insuracne and theyll realize i coudlve used more help. my ancupucture lady said i need to let people help me adn its tru. i can read boooks hae copnversations go toa therapist but what goofd does it do if its not evn sticking with me. if i dont allow it to change me. im so stuck in that i want to be skinny. but im also tired of haojng my body, the thought about being okay iwht my body is sad to. ill jsut be ugly and not care? amd i wont be ablr to beas beautiful as i want to be. the law of attraction streases me out to because what if everytihng im writing is manif3sting as we speak. hut io cant just iugnore all thse thoughts. its good to journl ane write. i smoked the other night and told susan and brooke but lied to my treatment team. but honestly i was anxious the whole time and outside of playing with myself and dougna  trippy spiritaul mediaiton itwasnt the best time. it ,made me realize i enjoy beig sober bcecause i can do lall the things i want to do and not be stupid and i can be mindful. but then i feel a little desperate at the idea of not having anys ubstances. i sjsut need to create a good ralit y formyself. also i just don tfeel like im the little blon girl in my baby photos like me and her arnt \even the same person but i am i am her in 18 year old form. i jsut dont even know who i am or whats happening. iw ant to chilla dn i need to find balance. maybe this is because my brain has more room oto think about thoings. it kinda hurts me that my mom dsont know that much about eating disorders but yet she says she knows how bad these thionhd can get. likes he can talk so much about me needing help and this and that and yet she hasnt veen taken the tiem to udnerstand what it is im goi g throug. but i shoudlnt epect her to i dont evn knkw what is happneing. cons of relasping is more time wwasting life farther form my hoal. what is my goal all i can think abou t is working on my body bye cercising and eating healthy after treatment. iu dont underdstand why people dopnt think this is a huge thing for me. it makes it so i cant wear what. im so tired of caring. i want to get out of my head. but reality is i am katie and i have to deal wiht whats going on it dosnt do any good whining about it. another con is that my family would be disapinted. im kinda scared i ahev cancer ir im going ot die and jus stop breatinh. its probaly jsut anxiety . nbut i think about the drugs ive done and all that ive smoked and when ive starved and i wonder if im jsut shutting gdown. but i guess were all shutting down. but you cant tell kids these tihngs they dont care and they wouldnt undertsnad. i guess im jsut freaking out at my very eistence. im also very thankful to ebe alive. the fact were all ehsiting rn is crazy i think everything happens for a reason and theres a beautiful lessona nd “work of art called love” desinged by the creator. i ksut dpnt think itds what people think its actaully is. julian is just dsigusing why was i ever ino him. but i cant stop 16 year old me by being into him. but he really wasa dick adn oi dont think hes aw the value in me. my idea of him thinking that was because hesa  lot uglier than me or the line in fredys song where he says “ why would a girl like you fall for a guy like me” and he saud thatr eminded him of us i thought that was so sweet. MO that dosnt mean he values me. why was i so okay with accepting bullshit.a nd nathan. i really liked nathan we were bestfriends. but i got really cazy jealous. i was supposed to eat2 and ahalf hours ago and im not rally hungry. hence my hunger ques are off. i lost 4 lbs over the weekedn and im on weight restoration i was given till friday before i have tonadd even more additions because im not supposed to be lsoing weight. but i dint feel sad baout it. i felt eciteed i guess my bodys ina  place where it can lsoe weight easily. i feel like i should take advantage of it. is this litterally the eating disorder tuyping as we speak am i poseed. it is katie stowers. i guess thats what an eating idorder does. i think i ought to steer clear of caffense and weed. make things a little less harde.r and truly i shuld try to quit nicatine. ots just so nice to do but i think i ought to just not do it. i think idts a porblem because i can already mpciture me going outside after break and smoking. “evntually ill quit shes aid” when i quoted julien baker in her song ahppy to be hee to esther it says “ i miss you the way that i miss nicatine” she waled away after. felt a little judged honeslt and i dont think it was cuz of me but i am better than to smoke nicatine. i think im gonna not do it tomorow. adn if i succeed well see about friday. but it is a hbit i shoudl break. but anyways theres a lot to worry about and be ecited about to and im having a hard time manging it all. and i opuld go on times ten of whats been happneing in my brain ina  therap y session but it dosnt happne.
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chrliekclly · 6 years
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do you think charlei and dee had sex because they mistook their genuine platonic bonding as attraction? (serious question, steming from thatlesbian dee post). I never thought of it that way, and I'm interested to hear that side !
YES that’s actully smthn i lose my sht abt !! iv blown up ppls mssgs with this kinda talk like, im a mess. ok lemme type right nd lemme type A Lot Again Anyways cz thos 2 giv me Way too many feelings (im spposd to b working on a final rn christ…)
okay…i scrolled back up after finishing nd turns out i went…literally insane…aka Much too far…so i need to under-the-cut it. mobile…viewers…i’m rly so sorry. swipe hard to leap ahead…hell im sorry fr computer viewers too. my theme is rough.
to start, my HCs surrounding chardee are rooted in charlie being on the ace spectrum and dee being gay (or like @ least bi, but imo all the men stuff is straight up compulsory heterosexuality).
i will always cling tight to the deleted scene wherein charlie says he thinks sex is gross and will genuinely get sick when he thinks about it unless he thinks about it with one specific woman. i know he shows sexual interest a decent amount of times throughout the show and has canonically had sex (on camera too, yeesh) but i see each time as very out of the blue moments (coming onto dee @ multiple points while worked up, agreeing to bang tatiana cuz she says to, that kinda thing) or relating to his long standing and delusional obsession with the waitress. in that vein, he’s also canonically enjoyed sex, and I don’t try and blind-eye any of it, because ace doesn’t always mean sex can’t be enjoyed in the moment. charlie definitely has a libido, and bodies be bodies. hell, sex-repulsed can sometimes even flip 180 in the right conditions. shit is one fun spectrum i’ll tell you that…but either way, to start with him, i think him going forward with banging dee was very much a misjudgment of what feelings are and being extremely caught up in a moment where he felt real, genuine, closeness with someone else who he was having a damn good time making terrible poetry with.
as for dee, i, first of all, just agree with everything in that post. in the context of chardee, as much as i will lose my mind in tags about how hard i ride or die the ship, it’s mostly my obsession with their dynamic. i don’t think chardee is meant to be endgame. i absolutely 100% believe that dee, too, is misinterpreting her feelings. i think part of it is her consistent comp het, and the other is she’s never been close with someone the way she has been with charlie, and she doesn’t know what she’s meant to do with it. i think she was similarly caught up in a moment in which she showed her own vulnerability, opening herself up to someone who could easily just ridicule her as she’s used to (”right now? i’m scared”), and she receives support from him instead (”you’re not gunna bomb, you’re gunna do great”). we’ve seen how much dee craves validation, thats her entire thing. i’m not shocked she dropped her pants in this moment lmao. she probably felt her damn heart flutter cuz she got told by someone who she at least somewhat trusts that she really is good, even if she doesn’t think so. the only rational explanation for the feeling associated with that person is that he’s The One right? pretty big leap
just…basically i dont think either of them know what a relationship is.
charlie’s lived nearly his entire life deluding himself into thinking that, 1. he and the waitress have a relationship that is anything other than creepy, and 2. that the warped-ass mess of an image he’s created in his brain for what he and the waitress are to each other is what love is. he thinks he’s making progress in getting close to her when the only thing she’s Ever done pre-s12 is ask him to leave her the fuck alone. he’s never even attempted to look past the waitress before, and the only time he shows interest in other people it’s purely his libido talking. he doesn’t pursue romance, and the one time we’ve seen him do so he was using her to get to, who else?, the damn waitress. 
dee’s lived her entire life having to prove herself to every single person she interacts with, and its familiar to her to getting ahead by using men, usually as sexual objects. i’m hesitant to bring this up on a post wherein i speak on dee’s sexuality because i don’t want to link this trait to it in any way as if its related, but to be fair, dee is as much a serial rapist as dennis is in that regard. the gang are shitty people, we know that. she will get men drunk to have sex with them, or pressure them into it, or trick them into it. she’s not having sex with these men for pleasure, she’s literally doing it for power. it’s absolutely fucked up, but so is she.
when she Is romantically involved, she’s shown to leap headfirst into those relationships and blow them out of proportion on 0 grounds for it. she buys a promise ring for a guy who didn’t think they were dating, it’s implied she’s going to actually go ahead with the brad fisher marriage thing after the episode ends, she gloats about how important she is to a stripper who was literally shame-crying during sex (also? she says “we BOTH wept,” and she can say that’s because it was that good, but i really doubt it). i mean the woman GAGS when talking to men she’s “nervous” around, something she takes as meaning she’s attracted to them? lmao uh???
at this point i’ve probably repeated myself over and over, my brain is on backwards and my train of thought went off the rails years ago. but i’m still gunna retype an old set of tags i found:
i hc that neither of them end up together but they do go through a relationship-ish phase, but dee’s gay and charlie’s okay with that (and always ace in my mind) because they finally move on from their own irrational drives to adhere to what they think is expected of them. i dont think either of them have any idea what a relationship is meant to be and they pathetically grasp at each other because they’re kind-ish to one another and that feels safe for once. chardee may be my main ship but i purposefully backtrack on myself because i know they’re two people who barely know love and have found each other, both as underdogs in their environments, and feel an electrifying Something that they Cant Name wen theyre together, and that something just so happens to be friendship and they don’t realize it cuz they’re doofuses who’ve led really unfortunate lives where friendship and hatred are always intermingling.
i’ve never brought it up here, but i often imagine a timeline of their relationship, because i enjoy the idea of them figuring themselves out through each other, just because they are genuinely amazing (platonically) together, and they get into some of my favorite shit. the thought of late night talks and confessions about their worries and confusion about their feelings while lying in bed, just close because they feel comfortable that way, realizing they can keep loving each other and not force it to mean something it doesn’t, the relief that comes with that, a final kiss that really doesn’t mean anything but thank you, not losing what they had but rather gaining a whole new kind of intimacy, and still getting into absolutely ridiculous situations. maybe dee realizes shes, ironically, found herself with a crush on the waitress and it cracks charlie up. he doesnt mind. he’s finally learned that if he Is going to be with someone it should definitely be with someone who makes him feel at Least half as comfortable as the way being around dee does, and knowing he doesn’t have to make himself look for that, but when he knows he will know. plus, he cant imagine dee pulling that one off. but maybe one day she does. dees gentler around the edges, and she gets butterflies when talking to women, but she never gags. charlie’s a terrible wingman but he keeps convincing dee to let him try. she brings a girl home for the first time and charlie all but backflips in an empty pool that day. they’re still shithats but they’re learning to let that go. people can get better. AA would probably help.
iv gone too far goodbye
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s3venpounds · 5 years
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1-98
thank you my dewd for giving me something to do! ngl was going kinda insane and i’ll take anything over doing chores tbh also sorry if this is hella late
weird asks that say a lot
1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?
coffee mugs usually because they hold more liquid and i use them for everything lol tea, coffee, alcohol, soda
2. chocolate bars or lollipops?
lollipops, i like having something in my mouth for long amounts of time(and yes pun intended)
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
cotton candy oh my god. I have such a sweet tooth its ridiculous. I once bought 7 large bags of cotton candy from K days and ate them for the next 2 months even when they got hard and probably nasty lmao i just love that shit. even cotton candy flavoured stuff ( except vodka. thats a trap. )
4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?
shy, reserved, well behaved basically i was a wimpy little shit
5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
I like them in glass cups so i can clean it afterwards and use it again later, waste makes me feel guilty
6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?
if its applied to me? pastel. I love brighter colors after i stopped wearing blacks greys and whites. they feel so good and look so nice. on someone im interested in? sportswear, formal, grunge, goth, pastel, tomboy. in no particular order. if its sportswear stuff that really highlights muscles and how toned they are just MMMMMMMM. formal is fuckkkkkkking attractive. like if the white collar shirt is unbuttoned halfway and the blazer is rolled up? or no blazer but with suspenders and the sleeves rolled up? OMG i will literally lick their collarbones idgaf
7. earbuds or headphones?
headphones, mostly because its just healthier for your ears, as much as i like earphones and use them more often i just prefer headphones cuz people usually dont bother me, i do dislike the hat hair though and how bulky they are
8. movies or tv shows?
im kind of a weeb so i much prefer tv shows with regular releases so im not waiting 6 years or something for avengers lol i need my fixxxxxxxxxxx
9. favorite smell in the summer?
after rain smell or during rain smell idk. carnival food? the ocean? just water scents i guess
10. game you were best at in p.e.?
dance or volleyball both of which im still doing to this day very happily c:
11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?
cereal, maybe some nutella, whatevers left over if someone cooked the night prior or just basic bacon eggs and rice. fried rice if im feeling lucky
12. name of your favorite playlist?
Emotions empty. YEET
13. lanyard or key ring?
lanyard. I’ve had the same spidergwen/ghost spider lanyard since like 2015 and i refuse to use another lol. it feels so cool to yank on the lanyard and swing it around
14. favorite non-chocolate candy?
rock candy. hands down. that shit makes me nutty. like if i was an earth bender or some shit i’d make a giant club made of the stuff and smack people with it and lick it afterwards
15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?
the outsiders probably i mean its not like crazy favourite but like its the one i enjoyed the most out of the ones i was forced to read (i really hate being forced to do shit)
16. most comfortable position to sit in? criss cross as im doing right now lmao or sitting on one of my legs
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? ah shit I just threw them out cuz they were old af but i had these nike high tops with the little puffy thing that inflates the sides of the shoes to make it more comfortable and it was so good in the winter and summer. it like breathed enough to let my feet stay nice and cool but it also stayed warm and never let snow get in my shoes cuz they were so high they acted like boots. i wore those for like my entire highschool experience
18. ideal weather?
raining. or breezy day. wind makes me sleepy and rain makes me excited to jump around in puddles and run as if my lifes calling is pulling me towards it
19. sleeping position? 
I always sleep on my stomach. its my most comfortable position and i knock out so easily if i do. apparently its a family thing too lol my siblings all outgrew it but w.e
20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? 
on a laptop or in my journal. the tapping of laptop keys makes me feel productive while writing in my journal makes me feel like itll be saved for the rest of my life
21. obsession from childhood?
psychology and the inner workings of the mind. why something thinks lowly of themselves, why someone thinks highly of themselves, how they came to this decision, why they thought to refuse this and that its really interesting to me to see peoples reasoning
22. role model?
not even a physical person but ALL MIGHT from my hero academia or boku no hero academia. yknow that phrase ? “ what would jesus do?” yeah its “what would all might do?” for me luuuuuuuuuuuuul
23. strange habits?
i dont really know any strange habits myself but im sure my friend justin knows a few
24. favorite crystal?
crystal???? uhhh i dont know much about this but i guess i would go with emerald? since its my birth stone?
25. first song you remember hearing?
a barney song. i shit you not.
26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?
I dont really like the heat all that much. summer is just suffering to me tbh lol like what do you do when youve taken off all ur clothes, ur AC is dead and your room is the highest room in the house where all the heat gathers? nothing. you do nothing. you cry and almost get heat stroke.
27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?
I loooooooooooove snowboarding im not good at it though but god damn its fun. specially with friends and learning together it makes me so happy seeing people grow c:
28. five songs to describe you?
fix you cold play(currently listening to this), im still here (treasure planet soundtrack) by john reznik, Good things fall apart Jon bellion, lost stars Adam levine, After Dark Asian Kung Fu Generation. is what i can say so far? i’ve got tons of songs i relate to those are the ones that just popped into mind
29. best way to bond with you?
be physical. touch me, graze me, be comfortable with me and hold up a conversation. As much as i like talking I LOVE hearing about the people im interacting with. hobbies, dreams, goals, nightmares everything. other than that? just spend time with me. any time is fine. i do prefer really deep conversations at like 3 am lol
30. places that you find sacred?
sacred to me? St. Clements park and not much else. a looooooooooot of shit has happened there. my first kiss, my worst break up, my best make up/make out, my best date. 
31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?
I got these leather boots that do a clack sound on pavement and i feel powerful as fuck. I got this really high quality black formal shirt from le chateau that breathes really well and highlights my figure. I have these black jeans with zippers above and below the kneecap that make me feel dope. so yeah full black lol. theres also this grey sweater i have that flows in the wing like a cape and i feel like a superhero when wind blows it behind me
32. top five favorite vines?
ok ok theres this one i cannot find again for the life of me but its like this asian guy sittin in a stall taking a dump and it cuts to an ice cream dispenser then some dude knocks on the door and the asian guy gasps and it cuts to the ice cream dispenser but goes backwards so the poop is like going back in and the asian guy goes like “ unnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhhhh” and shudders and i like fucking collapse a lung everytime i think about it. some of king vaders anime parodies are fucking hilarious, the dude who made that vine where “ if johnny has 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ wait why does johnny have 23 dish soaps” and he goes “ mind your business david” while playing with dishsoap lmao. OH OH and that one where the kid puts random shit on his head to signify its his mom like where he goes “ I like ya accent where ya from?” “ im from liberia” “ *in a whisper* oh my bad I like ya accent where ya from” yeah this is longer than i thought i’ll stop it here i still got like 60 questions left
33. most used phrase in your phone?
“lmao” i’ve now used to as a similar term to lol. sometimes i say it in irl like “ le mao” and i internally cringe everytime
34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?
pizza 73, sleep country canada “why buy a mattress any where elseee” and some spotify ads cuz theyre fucking everywhere
35. average time you fall asleep?
midnight or 10 at the earliest
36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?
god... uhhh.. one of those rage comics those old ass black n white memes
37. suitcase or duffel bag?
duffel bag, i am NOT organized enough for a suitcase plus duffels i can carry across my chest like a backpack
38. lemonade or tea?
oof. lemonade from k days was really gooooooood. but tea is something im always comfortable with.. ill go with tea
39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake defnitely. cake tastes more mellow while meringue is like a burst of flavour right away
40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?
a dude OD’d during school hours or that time a dude had a seisure in class
41. last person you texted?
clarence
42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?
jacket pockets if i wanna look badass, pants pockets if im just being a panda
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
oooof. uhh leather or bomber. leather because i love biker aesthetic too and bomber just looks comfy
44. favorite scent for soap?
i dont particularly have one but i do like old spice or irish spring
45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?
SUPERHERO. HANDS DOWN. fantasy second and sci fi 3rd.
46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?
.... naked. only on days i cannot sleep at all
47. favorite type of cheese?
uhh fuck dude uhm.. toss up between cream cheese or parmesan
48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?
durian. I hate durian. its spiky on the outside, smells like burnt asshole but taste is redeeming
49. what saying or quote do you live by?
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people don't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?
inside jokes with justin. just hanging out with the dude I had the best gut wrenching laughs of my life. laughs where my jaw hurt from laughing, i lost feeling in my cheeks, my face was red and couldnt stop crying. those laughs.
51. current stresses?
job security, love life, and friends who are currently getting more and more busy and cant hang out as often
52. favorite font?
IDK? Helvetica?
53. what is the current state of your hands?
dry and typing.
54. what did you learn from your first job?
People are stupid as fuck. and coworkers are dangerous thanks alex for throwing a kitchen knife at me
55. favorite fairy tale?
idk if it counts since disney always makes fairytales but treasure planet?
56. favorite tradition? 
probably christmas because i think its super important who you choose to spend it with and who you DO spend it with is a sign of how much they mean to you
57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?
dads abuse, my biggest break up, my friends attempted suicide
58. four talents you’re proud of having?
yknow the devil sign you make by closing your hand in a fist except your pinky and pointer finger? i can make my pointer and pinky touch. I also have been told my volleyball spikes have been really good recently. uhh my dancing I guess? singing?
59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
EVERYTHINGS FINE WHY? BECAUSE I AM HERE!
60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?
My hero academia. hands down.
61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
You got the makings of greatness in you, but you gotta take the helm and chart your own course! Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes, you'll get the chance to really test the cut of your sails and show what you're made of! And... well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light coming off you that day. TREASURE FUCKING PLANET BOIIIIIIIIIIS
62. seven characters you relate to?
jim hawkins, hikigaya hachiman, shoya ishida, natsuki subaru, Hinata Shoyo, Hiccup, roxas.
63. five songs that would play in your club?
oh god. uhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. learn to fly foo fighters? castle on the hill ed sheeran? man idk im not huge on clubs, just shit from like 2000′s rock bands that white person knows the lyrics to and probably screamed in their room when they were mad
64. favorite website from your childhood?
YTV when they first released those side kick things thos games were so cool except that one day where the sidekick turned into a monster i legit got scared lol
65. any permanent scars?
tons actually and i love em! they remind me that things happened and that i wont ever forget them. currently tryna get a scar for volleyball HEHEHE
66. favorite flower(s)?
i dont know much about flowers but roses and lavender is nice. and that flower in philippines where if you touch it, it like curls into itself. 
67. good luck charms?
the keychains people i’ve fallen for have given to me. like this one bullet bill keychain AB gave me when we first met in highschool. i still have it. its faded and chipped in places but i feel like it makes me feel stronger yknow?
68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?
birthday cake vodka. hands down. and i’ve literally tasted my own puss from an infected wound on accident
69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?
in philippines flies are always swarming around peoples food so what i learned was to rip up the napkin to look like that thing people used to dust the house and it keeps them away if you swing it at them
70. left or right handed?
right handed c:
71. least favorite pattern?
pattern? uhh anything disorienting i guess
72. worst subject?
math. 100% math. 
73. favorite weird flavor combo?
meatball marinara sub with like every sauce from subway
74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?
8. i think i have a high pain tolerance
75. when did you lose your first tooth?
i dont remember.. maybe like 6?
76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?
MASHED POTATOES.FRJISD
77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?
not a big fan of plants....
78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?
sushi from a grocery store. just cuz im not willing to pay 30 bucks for somewhat fresh stuff from a retaurant
79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? school id funny enough
80. earth tones or jewel tones?
...what? i guess jewel tones?
81. fireflies or lightning bugs?
FIREFLIES OWL CITYYYYYYYYY
82. pc or console?
console. i have a better understanding of how console plays vs computer. computer is too finicky for me and aiming is a lot harder. console i know how people on console move and how i move and how to aim. 
83. writing or drawing?
writing. if i knew how to draw though thatd be a different answer
84. podcasts or talk radio?
talk radio cuz i like to phone in and talk about my experiences lol i got to be on one actually it was dope
84. barbie or polly pocket?
uhhhhhh barbie?
85. fairy tales or mythology?
mythology!
86. cookies or cupcakes?
cupcakes
87. your greatest fear?
death. or atleast what happens afterwards
88. your greatest wish?
to be a hero. 
89. who would you put before everyone else?
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Z
90. luckiest mistake?
one time in gym class we were playing dodgeball and i slipped trying to run backwards and a dude threw a ball at me but i kicked it in a way it went straight up and i had enough time to catch it
91. boxes or bags?
boxes, much better leverage and storing is like a game of tetris!
92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?
lamps or overheads. sunlight has glare on my stuff and its hard to play and fairylights arent enough 
93. nicknames?
tin man, AG, metal man, poetry man, silverado, silver city, quick silver anything with silver really.
94. favorite season?
fall and winter. winter being the best
95. favorite app on your phone?
Epic seven
96. desktop background? its a picture of hinata shoyo from HAIKYUU!! doing a spike with wings on his back!
97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?
only 1. thats my own lmao
98. favorite historical era?
uhhhhhh shit idk. they all seemed pretty shitty tbh..........
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