#im losing my mcfucking mind

[amiryllisthorn]

sitting here like how am I actually supposed to be productive as there is an extremely violent ethnic cleansing happening in real time and to see people gleefully cheering for it

[m3tth4ws]

[krosyeb]

exchristian faggots how are we feeling about Francesca

[2colde]

back to the salt mines (blocking 30 porn bots a day)

[sheila--e]

Man I'm having quite the issue with BOTH of my Shift buttons ever since this dumbass update showed up. It's either unrelated hardware error (weird cuz whats the chance both of the keys broke at the same time) OR some shit Windows just pulled. The keys work for a while then seemingly randomly stop working. I think its software tho, I even took the keycaps away and apart from some Dust and Grime nothing seemed out of the ordinary. My guess is that something stops working on the background of the computer and then it remembers "Oh shit yeah the keyboard." and restarts. I hate it here

[saberdramon]

screaming crying shitting my pants etc. the house keeps being haunted in spite of anything i even attempt to do about it and it makes me want to eat porcelain

[sovaharbor]

everyone hold the fuck up i finally have my himbo warren zine in my hands. well technically it is in my suitcase and it will be in my hands once i am home again in ~2-3 hours. But.

[lumberjackloverboy-moved]

self harm tw

i dont think ive had this strong of an urge to cut since before i actually stopped cutting. its so intense and im losing my mcfucking mind trying to ignore it

[the-kipsabian]

mcfucking losing my mind, my brother just said that "having a name like crow would be pretty rad ngl" and im sitting here like BRO????

[commando-rogers]

IM LOSING MY MCFUCKING MIND

[patrocles]

https://twitter.com/vacantribcage/status/1589037766259929088?t=FoH-uZZxGXheMIVqL9cjmw&s=19

CREGAN STARK CASTING?!?! THOUGHT OF YOU FIRST!!!!!!

screaammmmm i literally broke it to the TL first fhdhs (im the streets in the followup tweet)

im still shaking crying throwing up over this tbh!!! he could definitely still be someone else like ulf or hugh but if its cregan i will mcfucking lose my MIND

thank u so much for thinking of me 😭😭😭

[lettucedloophole]

cw vague discussion of sexual stuff and Tmi stuff about transition (Transgener) and also just me journalling my feelings

this is gonna sound Crazy but i think porn (and cishet boys making porn noises. do not miss when that was peak humour) made me dysphoric about the way i moan 😭

i get a little distressed worrying about if my reasons for transition are disproportionately sexual or overly related to misogyny, but it would make sense that they would be sexual because Thats the site of Misogyny, and ultimately i do think misogyny caused some of my dysphoria, if not most of it, though i can't say all because i think in a genderless society it would be quite natural to alter your body-- going on hormones or getting surgery would be like getting a piercing or tattoo, but hopefully without the prior distress of the Imposition of Gender and yknow. Patriarchal Discrimination.

i'm pretty certain i would be happy living with the effects of hormones day to day (except balding. will go Livid if that happens tho i mean... i like shaving my head a lot and odd haircuts so it probs wouldnt be a big deal but i want the option of growing it out to remain) but im not sure if i can say the same about bottom surgery. it seems like other trans ppl are so sure 😭 and i mean it's not like it'd be feasible for me to get it for a long time anyway but i might as well think about it in the mean time... i'm kind of ambivalent abt my vagina. but i wonder if i could be happier with something else? but i don't want to Not have a vagina in Case though (i dont think i can do anal. not willing to prep that much 💀)

so i always thought if i would get bottom surgery i'd go for a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty but i saw a pretty good meta result some days ago that's making me reconsider. and then it makes me think like, what do i want a dick for? it seems kind of.. troublesome to have an organ between ur legs. i think i'm focused a lot on ejaculation (oh yeah this post is def getting a cw) but that's not something i can do with a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty, i think. and then there's the question of clit burial and i naturally lean towards not burying it but i think i would prefer to bury it if i was sure .. and idk the complication rate cos if i lose sensation (i'm fine with doing a forearm graft) i would Lose my Mcfucking mind. i think maybe. and it's scary since there's a lot of surgeons out there who just seem to want to hurt trans people. but i'm fat anyway so i would probably not even be accepted for surgery lol 😭

so it's probably never even going to be possible for me. i take comfort in the idea that i can pack and bind and sort of. try b4 u buy. yk 🫡👍 tho im not getting top surg bc i dont wanna and i feel like i have some body acceptance to do in regards to my boobs. im rly ,, ashamed of them bc i have lots of acne scars and other scabs (caused by me. picking at my skin. either scrapes or acne lmao) and i think i would be happy with them and a lot more of my body if i could stop picking at shit and have those scars clear up. its acc so isolating to have this issue so shoutout to the one lady i followed on twt who posted a proud boob pic with some boob scars or acne (or as i call it boob-ne. like back-ne but it doesn't rhyme but it sounds funny) or smth. that made me feel less alone and not ugly 🙏

i have a lot of scars on my shoulders (Prime skin picking real estate) and the center of my chest but i still wear clothes that. show those areas sometimes and i wonder if ppl think im brave. bc i'm not i just try not to think about it after the clothes are on and i'm outside of my room Doin Stuff . same with the cutting scars on my arm but mostly my thighs. no one has ever really brought up my picking or self harm scars save for the first time my dad saw my self harm scars (that was a doozy) and this one time my dad's friend looked at my facial acne and gave me a recommendation for some product (i know she meant well but. girl 🙃) and i am so fucking thankful for ppls silence. like please just let me exist

i saw one of my childhood friends recently and Embarassingly enough i had a Mental Illness moment in front of her and i kind of wanted to, to shatter the illusion that i was the same as i was as a child because i feel so different that it feels like a lie, and i feel like i need to show the real me to people so they can decide to hate me if they want to. but i also kind of didn't want to but it would be difficult for me to cry and then collect myself in public 😭 and she comforted me but didn't make a big deal about it and maybe that helped more. idk i and probably others put a lot of emphasis on mental health but it's kind of nice to feel like... normal.. and move on. my mom kind of smothers me about my mental health and it's something i appreciate technically but maybe not in practice. idk if it's trauma but maybe i just don't appreciate physical comfort as much as i thought i did, or emotional worrying over ppl. it's just confusing bc i thought i desired these things a lot but i think it was just that the complete absence of them from my life affected me negatively, and i wanted Some Amount of it but not like A Lot. it seemed like i wanted a lot because of how much i was yearning for it but i don't think so lol 😭

it kind of follows that pattern of my mom being Too much and my dad being too little (Borderline neglectful but emotionally lmao 😭) so i guess it makes sense why my desires don't align with what i actually want. i suppose i need to Experience more to figure it out.

i also keep having Bisexual Panik that im turning straighter or am going to date a cis guy because i feel like i place a lot of emphasis on my attraction to guys. in my Mind. but i think i just note when i'm attracted to guys more bc im much more often attracted to women . and it would be difficult to keep track of all the attractive women 😭 i worry sometimes that ppl are gonna see this and be like "oh this bihet's gonna end up with a man" but what i worry about even more than that is they might be right.. but i hope not. i dony want date cishet man <3

ive reached the point in my college class now where ive Given up on voluntary reading. technically it's not voluntary but if we're not doing a class activity with it or discussing it in class its voluntary to me lmfao 💀 i struggled quite a bit with my lastest assignment, though i did get it done on time, which makes me worry that I won't be able to handle two classes. i really worry that i'm never going to be mentally stable enough to hack it. i don't think mental health meds can fix that for me as the only ones i have left to try (or the ones my psych thinks i should try, anyway) are antipsychotics and i keep having fucking insurance issues with them and they're charging me a bajillion fucking dollars so at that rate i'm never going to try them lmfao. so then i should maybe try getting tested for adhd again or autism.. but getting dxed with autism would do Nothing and just cost money. but if i did have adhd and needed medication and that made me function better, that would help! but i also worry that i have no observable condition and am just simply unable to exist in the capitalist hellscape climate by virtue of being the me... that would be the worst. but i worry that's what it is lol 😭 ah i should schedule an adhd test before i change my mind

[fictionkinfessions]

:33< doing a select few fur lgbt canons! :33< fur nepeta nitram i was a transmasc bi dude i think. there was a bit of genderfuckery in there looking back but i didn't think about it too hard past ":33< wow girls are neat, and so are men.. wait i think im one of those" but its a bit hard to tell beclawse of nepeta pyrope, where i was transfem, genderfluid and bi again. i will lose my mcfucking mind if theres a third nepeta kintype where i was nyanbinary :33< latula pyrope, cis + bi. jegus i didnt realize all of my homestuck kintypes were bi lol, assigned bisexual by the homestuck sector of kin gods

[4byun]

im about to mcfucking lose my mind

[butchdykekondraki]

IM GONNA SMOOCH YOU /P IM GONNA HUG YOU IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IM GONNA RETURN TO THE WILD IM GONNA GO FERAL IM GONNA DISINTEGRATE AND SHORT CIRCUIT OH MY GOD THE BOARD THE NOARD THE BOARD IM LOSING IT IM MCFUCKING LOSING IT SO HARD THANK THANKYOU THANYOU IM ABOUT TO CRY /GENPOSPSPSPOSPOSPOS THANKYPUUUUUY

HEIWHEOQHEOQHEPRB UR SO WELCOME BOO

[panspy]

im sorry this video does not show the sheer delight this reveal brought me but it's literally so important