#im rambling oops

[arson-09]

this is just yapping about my very indulgent fanfic feel free to ignore⭐️

.

Tamlin hits me as a very gift giving person, i feel that would easily be one of his main love languages but he always get SO flustered when someone gifts him something back so he does get a little teary eyed when Catrin (oc) gifts him a special tunic she embroidered with little items to represent their friendship and the friendship with their group as a whole (other ocs- Squid, Rosetta, and lucien ofc) ((because i think embroidery is really cool and something i want to learn more about anyway))

AND the oc i made for the fic to be the driving force is so silly and i love her dearly and one of my favorite random things i gave to her is she loves baths. You know all those fancy soaps, body washes, salts, etc (do they have bathbombs in the acotar world?) she LOVES them and she just loves a nice hot relaxing bath so one year for winter solstice Tamlin gifts her some specialty bath products from Day court. Shes ecstatic and cant wait to use them for her next bath

Friendship and platonic love is such an important thing to me and something im focusing really hard on in this fic. In my personal experience my dear friends honestly always help the most when im struggling and they may not even know it. Just their presence and love can help me so much and i just know thats such a major thing Tamlin would benefit from. anyway friendship IS magic and the spring court is basically healed by it. Yes im making this shit post to procrastinate writing chapters for said fic. enjoy

[highndivinee]

wanna go on a pumpkin patch date and get finger fucked in the corn maze 🎃

[starry-bi-sky]

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[chatlote]

Just because you don't love yourself it doesn't mean I will stop loving you.

[fictionalsownme]

smash???????? who said that?????????

engineer doesn't get enough love on this blog considering how much I cannot express my devotion to him, so I’m working to fix that :) this is similar to what I did for damien but it took foreverr!! iswm lighting is so so pretty which makes it impossible to get right ;;u;; the saturation is really high and there's multiple light sources so in terms of rendering it, its like it was personally designed to leave me dead on the floor :))))) either way,, I'm happy with how it turned out!! he’s very prettie :))

also bonus:

[oxyious]

could you draw Shadow and Maria sleeping together? like siblings

sorry i got busy with college again lol here ya go! i hc that she loves making him experience the world through stories (that and she's also influencing him with her reading hyperfixations XD)

[xaiforthewinn]

Absolute cinema

(Also she’s not swearing cus Charlie’s in the background idk if I made that obvious or not<3 if u can reboot this so I can grow my acc😭)

[eeveekitti]

hi gamers pressure brain caught up to me. legit sebastian design for the first time ever

[opikiquu]

[youplush]

Shoutout to people who are noticeably autistic!

As someone who is visibly autistic, I get treated weird by a lot of people. I assume other autistic people have the same problem. It’s not fun!

Just because we are weird or different, does not mean we don’t deserve respect!

You don’t have to baby talk us or treat us like children. You don’t have to point and stare. You don’t have to call us names or slurs.

[firewasabeast]

prompt: something where buck and tommy argue over gerrard. like, buck doesn't know how tommy could have been so passive, and tommy's like way over that version of himself or something. I know a lot of people don't want that to happen in the show, and I get it, but I'd like a fic version!

“I have never, in all my life, dealt with someone so- so... so evil!” Buck was pacing back and forth in Tommy's living room, just as he'd been for the last half hour since he arrived.

“Really, Evan? Never?”

“You don't understand, Tommy. Gerrard is, it's like he's targeting me, but not in a bad way.”

“There's a good way to be targeted?” Tommy asked from his spot on the couch.

Buck sighed, placing his hands on his hips. “It's like he- he wants us to be buddies, ya know? He thinks I'll be his puppy or something. H- He's treating everyone else like garbage except for me and it makes me feel really weird. He took me golfing, Tommy. Golfing.”

“You fit his ideal firefighter, Babe. He needs minions, he's gonna latch onto you.”

“What do you mean his ideal firefighter? What even is that?”

“White, strong, straight,” Tommy replied simply.

Buck raised an eyebrow. “What we did yesterday morning was very not straight.”

“Yeah, but does he know that?”

“Does he know what we did yesterday morning?”

Tommy tilted his head. “Evan.”

Finally, Buck plopped down on the couch, staring toward the blank TV. “I figured he knew after we went to the medal ceremony together.”

“It's not like we made out in front of the crowd. For all he knows, we're friends.”

Buck was silent for a moment. “I've never really talked about my personal life with him,” he admitted. “Didn't really want to. N- Not because I'm ashamed or anything,” he added quickly, looking at Tommy with wide eyes. “I'm not. I promise, I- I'm not ashamed.”

“I know, Evan.” Tommy reached over and gave Buck's hand a squeeze. “You're a very good ally.”

He glared at Tommy. “I'll never live that down, will I?”

“Nope.”

Buck grew quiet again, and Tommy was beginning to think the conversation was over.

Then Buck, barely above a whisper, said, “I don't want him to think we're just friends.”

“It's fine if he does,” Tommy replied. “I don't mind. Probably best that way, honestly.”

Buck's eyebrows furrowed. He turned more toward Tommy, his back leaning against the armrest. “What do you mean?”

Tommy contemplated his words before speaking. “Listen, I'm not telling you to be buddy-buddy with the guy. I definitely do not recommend that. I'm also not saying to turn a blind eye to all the crap he pulls. But, why make it harder on yourself?”

“Because it's living a lie, Tommy.”

“It's not lying if you just don't mention it.”

Buck huffed out a breath. “You want me to hide who I am? I distinctly remember that being the reason our first date ended so abruptly.”

Tommy let out a deep breath. “I'm not saying to hide, Evan. And that's not exactly the reason our date ended, you know that. I'm saying if there's been no reason to bring it up so far, why bring it up now? What he thinks about you doesn't matter.”

“It matters to me.”

Tommy squeezed his eyes shut, trying to rid himself of the growing frustration. “So, what? You wanna walk into Gerrard's office and say 'Hey, I'm bisexual by the way. Also, I'm dating that Tommy guy you worked with years ago. You know, the one you made fun of when you saw him at the medal ceremony?' You really think that's the best thing to do?”

“It's better than being his puppet like y-” Buck cut himself off abruptly.

“Like me?” Tommy finished. “That's what you were gonna say, isn't it?”

“Tommy, I-”

“It's true,” he continued with a shrug. “I was his puppet. I did whatever he wanted me to do and I didn't question it. Even after he was going to let me die in that explosion, I still stuck by his side. I don't deny that part of my life, Evan.”

“I wasn't trying t-”

“You know I apologized for all of that well over a decade ago, right? I feel like I remember us talking about that.”

“W- We did.”

“And I would never want or expect you to be who I was. You know that?”

“I know, Tommy, I-”

“And I'd never ask you to hide yourself, because I did that too and-”

“If you'd let me finish a damn sentence,” Buck snapped.

Tommy stopped, stared at Buck with pursed lips. A silent go ahead.

“I don't- I didn't. I... Ugh, Tommy!”

A pause, then. “That's what you needed to let out?”

“God, you're being so annoying right now!” Buck could feel his body getting hot.

“No, I'm trying to stop you from getting needlessly harassed at work.”

“By essentially cutting off a part of myself every time I'm there!”

“Evan, if your sexuality hasn't come up by now I don't see a reason why it ever would! It's not cutting off a part of yourself, it's just existing!”

“But I- I'm getting special treatment because he doesn't think that part exists,” Buck tried to explain. “I don't want to be his right hand man, Tommy. That might've worked for you but it doesn't work for me.” The words came out harsher than he intended. He knew it was a low blow to bring up something from so long ago, something long dead and buried. But Tommy had made him upset, and he needed to make Tommy upset too.

Except Tommy didn't get upset. He got quiet.

Somehow, that was worse.

A tension so thick you could cut it with a knife filled the air.

After what felt like an eternity, Tommy stood, letting out a sigh. “I'll be back,” he said, beginning to walk out of the living room.

“What- Where are you going?” Buck nearly shot out of his seat. “Are you leaving?”

Tommy turned back to him. “First of all, my house,” he said, motioning around the room. “Second, I'm going into the kitchen to get a drink.”

“Well, I- do you want me to leave?”

“I didn't say that, Evan. I mean, I'm not gonna block the exit if you wanna go, but I prefer to finish the arguments I get involved in.”

Buck sat back down. “Then I'm staying.”

“Good. You want water or something?”

Buck folded his arms over his chest. “With ice.”

“Okay.”

A couple of minutes later, Tommy returned with two cups of water in his hand. He held Buck's out to him, Buck taking it with a low, “Thank you.”

“Mhm.” They both took a few sips, then Buck stared down at the ice in his cup until Tommy started talking again. “You're not wrong,” he said. “Being his right hand man did work for me for a long time. It's not something I'm proud of, and I don't make excuses for it, but I also don't really appreciate it being thrown up in my face.”

Buck set his glass on the coffee table. “That wasn't fair of me, I- I know that. I was just angry. I'm sorry.”

“I probably should have tried explaining myself a bit better,” Tommy replied. “I'm sorry too.” He set his own cup down, then held his arm out toward Buck. “Will you come here?”

Buck didn't hesitate to move into Tommy's space. He curled up next to him, resting his head on Tommy's chest while Tommy wrapped him in his arms. “I can't help wanting to protect you, Evan,” Tommy said, pressing a kiss to Buck's head. “I know you don't need it, and I know it's selfish, but the idea of you getting harassed by that man for any reason, it- it scares me. I have,” he let out a humorless laugh, “I have never been as brave as you. I still feel nauseous every time I see the guy. But I never want you to feel like I want you to hide yourself, or that I want you to be like me. That's not what I meant.”

Buck ran his hand slowly up and down Tommy's chest. “I know. I- I get it. I've never dealt with a Gerrard before, not directly. Didn't think I'd ever have to.”

Tommy hummed. He ran his fingers through Buck's hair. “I will back whatever decision you make,” he assured him. “Whether you tell him or you don't, I am right beside you. I never want you to think I'm not.”

Buck propped himself up enough to be able to look at Tommy. “I know you are,” he replied, bringing a hand to Tommy's face. He stroked his thumb along Tommy's cheek, then leaned up for a kiss. “That's why I love you.”

Tommy sucked in a breath. His heart began to race. They'd never said those words before. Honestly, Tommy had stopped himself a few times, figuring it was way too soon.

But, as always, Evan burst through every door Tommy had locked up in his mind.

“I love you too, Evan,” he replied, and he hoped Evan could feel just how much he meant those words.

But, in case he couldn't, Tommy pulled him in for another, deeper kiss. Holding him close and tight while he wished they could stay right here in this moment for the rest of their lives.

When they finally separated for some air, Buck sat up straighter. “I'm going to tell him,” he said without an ounce of fear or hesitation. “Maybe not the way you suggested, but I... I want him to know I'm yours, and your mine, and screw whatever he has to say about it.”

And God, if Tommy thought he couldn't love this man anymore than he already did, there went Evan proving him wrong.

He nodded. “Okay.” He brought Buck's hand to his lips, pressed a kiss against his knuckles. “I'm with you. I love you.”

Buck smiled, wrapping himself up in Tommy once again. “I love you more.”

[kaiserouo]

hmm that's one fucked up ghost

[critter-covenant]

"ooooh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!"

They'd be good friends I like to thinmk

[popkornshrmp]

Yes, I did in fact cry over this single panel

Look at lil Josh bro

He’s so cute it makes me wanna throw up OUGHHH I wanna hug him and cradle him like a big stupid baby and give him all sorts of uncrustables and kosher gummy bears SOMEONE NEEDS TO SEDATE ME

I love ranting and raving about this comic bru Josh means the world to me

May this glory never die

[coralquill]

[main story: death and rebirth]

trailer spoilers!

this is zayne basically lol he looks so good

[lyrebright]

clair obscur: expedition 33 is haunted

It's a narrative drenched in grief from start to credits roll. Really, it's no surprise that this game has ghosts in it. Not literal ghosts, of course.

Well--

Much like family, that's complicated, I suppose

We open the game on the gommage. We open the game spending maybe thirty minutes to an hour getting to know how deeply Lumiere is grieving; how they have grieved for the past 67 years; how they will, like as not, continue to grieve more. Lumiere is, much like the game itself, a city made more of ghosts than those that still live in it.

It's very deliberate that we start the game with Gustave. There's a lot of reasons we do this, but--one is clear from the very start. We are starting this game as a man who loves a ghost. Because Sophie is already dead. The flowers that ring the necks of those who are about to gommage are mourning garlands laid on graves that still live and breathe.

For now.

The gommage, the prologue entire--it's masterful at getting you emotionally connected to Gustave. To understanding the stakes of what they are fighting for.

And then Act I happens.

From hour one, the game works to establish how haunted Gustave, personally, is. The love of his life turns to dust in his arms, and the only reassurance he can offer her is that he's there with her. That she won't be alone as it happens. And then he reaches the continent, and death is all that surrounds him. He watches his comrades die, one after the other. And when he makes his way back to look for survivors, he instead finds an altar of corpses he willingly goes to lay himself upon. The ghosts are calling out to him, weighing down on him, and if Lune hadn't arrived when she did--if she hadn't called out to him before he pulled that trigger--Gustave would have joined their ranks.

(Put a pin in this knowledge. We will come back to it later.)

Lune and Sciel are, of course, haunted in their own ways--Sciel's ghosts are horribly painful and depressing to think about--but the game is invested in Gustave's ghosts, because his ghosts are about to become Maelle's. And he's going to join them, be one of them.

Beyond the Dessendre family's grief, beyond and above all of that--Gustave is undoubtedly the ghost that haunts the narrative the most. It's in a lot of subtle ways, outside of that first wrench of grief and the scene where they lay him to rest. His name and inspiration in Maelle's skills. His name invoked in battle. The fact that in camp scenes he is consistently brought up. In a way, he's even with the party throughout the final battle--he was the one who noticed that the chroma was lingering in the bodies of expeditioners slain by nevrons; without Gustave, there is no sword of Lumiere to clear the path to Renoir. The game shows, over and over again, that while Gustave is dead, he is not gone.

And it's in light of this, and finishing the game, that you realise...Gustave is sort of just Verso?

Rewatching Act I, the first moment this understanding hit me--with a depth beyond just thinking of them as foils of "Maelle's brother"--was when he pulled out that gun. Faced with such terrible loss, faced with such terrible loneliness, Gustave makes the same decision Verso would, a hundred times over: oblivion. And it's very deliberate, and a very stark note about Gustave's character, because it's him alone of the expedition survivors with this reaction. Verso might have been the one to spirit Maelle away from the slaughter, but alone in the manor she was firm on staying alive. Lune and Sciel, arguable more cynical than Maelle, also choose to forge ahead. To live, because the oath is WHEN one falls. When, not if.

And it's in those words that the most telling link between Gustave and Verso is made clear, in the silence that echoes from an answer and a truth that Gustave cannot give: does Gustave still believe that Lumiere is more important than any one individual life?

Rewatching that scene with eyes that have seen the end was like a bullet to the head. The characters might not know in that moment. The player might not know. But the writers do, and it's with lines like this that they set up pain in a myriad of subtle ways. From the start, Gustave was a ghost. From the start, Verso was a ghost. They're the same goddamn person.

The scene where Verso reveals he could have saved Gustave, but chose not to--in the moment, it was shocking and not, all at once. His timing had felt suspicious from the start. And as he gave his reasoning, it became clear it was...more of Verso's unintentional self-sabotage you see time and again through his character beats and history.

We know Verso has travelled with multiple expeditions. We know that he genuinely does come to care for them, despite knowing what inevitably waits for them, whether they succeed or fail; it is clear in every inch of him that Verso is a man who cannot help but fall a little bit in love with everyone around him. With those who, unlike him, fight with something he doesn't have (hope).

Verso, time and again, makes choices that are bad and hurt him. And really, if you think about it...his allowing Gustave to die was really one of these. Because of everyone on the expedition...Gustave was the most likely to agree with Verso's point of view?

Because he'd already expressed, unspoken: Maelle's life is more important to him than not just his own, but all of Lumiere. There's a reason they chose that exact framing for the question Lune posits to him way back in the first hours of the game, and it's because that's the exact thing the entire game is about. Which lives matter more?

To Verso, it is, at the end of the day, the real Dessendre family. And while I doubt Gustave would care about "real" or "painted," what he does care about is Maelle, and he would want her to live, not keep living in a world that would kill her.

Would Gustave want to kill the rest of Lumiere for this? No, of course not. He isn't so far gone in his own grief as Verso to write off the entirety of the Canvas. But if he had survived until Act III--if he was one of three remaining lives of Lumiere in the final stand against Renoir...I think he would accept the inevitable. I think he would try and convince Maelle to leave, instead of remaining to repaint the world and dead around them.

Because Gustave is a character defined by his grief in a way almost none of the others are. Lune chafes under her parents legacy but strives for it anyway. Sciel lives like life nor death matter to her and falls for the dream that Maelle can bring her husband back.

But when we see Gustave face down grief, while we see him shut down in the wake of it, we also see him accept it. In that sense, Gustave--despite the Versoisms of him, at his core--is one of the most balanced and well adjusted members of the cast, suicide attempt and all. No wonder they had to kill him.

Maelle calls Gustave "the best father and brother I ever had," and once again--she doesn't know what she's saying in that moment. But the writers do.

Gustave is the Verso and the Renoir who is capable of doing something we see the Dessendre's struggling with time and again: he is the father and brother capable of letting go. And his death really foreshadows both endings: in one, Maelle cannot let go of the Canvas, and in the other, Verso cannot let go of oblivion.

You think in false dichotomies, Lune told Verso once. It's not always an either/or situation.

Because yes, there is a world out there, maybe, where Maelle could have kept the Canvas, where she could have granted Verso his oblivion without the rest of the world going with him. A world where maybe Maelle could find balance in being Alicia, where she could leave the Canvas and return and know that Renoir would not erase it in her absence because he trusts her.

But that world isn't here. It's not the world we get, because at the end of the day this game is about grief and not moving on. It's about repeating the same patterns and cycles and hoping that things end up differently this time.

It's a game about ghosts.

And the kindest thing you can do for a ghost is lay them to rest.