#im seriously so curious about your mc tho like

[rsmrymnt-tea]

「 🐳 」 ohh and what a glorious revelation it must be to realize that your newly gained blue whale anon has decided to reach out to you after silently gazing at your posts for the past few months like a stray, black cat curiously watching you do your silly little daily tasks from your wooden fence, and deciding to finally interact not because it was nervous, but because it thought that the time was finally right for it to show you that it can speak and hope that you find meaning in its words in the midst of all that is hopeless ♡ /lh

yes—i did include gw2 ost!! i noticed that you were always going on about it beginning from a few months ago, and thus i decided to listen to all 9+ hours of it on spotify and delicately put aside my favorites to revisit for later playlists. making playlists for people's ocs, as i've said, is something i heavily enjoy doing!

the contents of the playlist came to me naturally considering how i had specific thoughts about dolasach in mind; there wasn't too much of a struggle as a result. to me, creating content, both literature and art-wise, for others doesn't take much of my energy because i genuinely wish to express that inspiration to others in hopes that they get to create more self-serving content. the description of dola's playlist in particular comes from something i wrote,

“you killed yourself and a garden grew. you looked into the mirror, watched it crack with lightning and felt fury at existence, stifling and electric. you drowned in a pit of tar thick hatred, let it line your tongue and pool beneath your eyes because at least this way you’d be preserved. you dug the grave with your halo, all light and holy diving into the dark, and planted the seeds of solitude ready to bloom into a headstone. abandoned were the zinnias, the poppies, the hope and the love. instead you turned back to camellias and roses, classics revived in a cemetery. the garden was cold. you didn’t know death could grow, but here you are.”

dolasach “died”, and from what i remember, would eventually come back to visit her own grave with what i would imagine to be contempt. to who or what it would be directed towards, i wouldn't know, but would it be so far off to say that it would be towards herself, someone lacking of a great deal of self-compassion and seeks connection as a supplement as she works through her own issues? this thought in mind reminds me a lot of belphegor—

sloth is associated with a variety of complex emotions (more than laziness & apathy), and it all boils down to depression. no love for yourself, others, and all that's left to manifest is anger towards everything because you cannot feel anything else. you desperately try to cling onto something, and that something is self-pity; when you're so disconnected, you can only feel rage (and i think it's a reason why satan & belphegor get along with the exception of their shared interests). i'm not saying that dolasach particularly fits in like a glass slipper with this concept, but i am reminded of her.

like the wildflowers that intimately wrap around her body, she seems to grow in many directions regardless of whether they will aid or hinder her in her journey and i believe that it's genius of you to include so much metaphorical death within her story when she has heavy implications of being in love with flowers (or was that a simple aesthetic choice, i wonder?)

she is full of exhaustion, but there seems to be a yearning to capture the resilience of the wildflowers she so seems to love very much. she isn't delicate by no means, but it's so painfully obvious that she wishes to love in spite of how she looks at herself and can't help but look past her shell and struggle to find something beautiful.

that is what i thought when making her instrumentals-only playlist ^^

i would've included elden ring ost for dolasach, but unfortunately, it isn't on spotify :( but even so, the unravel ost fit perfectly for her ... because i remember those series of posts from a few months ago when you were discussing dola's irish origins with someone, and how you wished to do research for her regarding those origins! the ost in of itself resembles celtic music, despite it being scandinavian in nature.

the dola art i saw was simply none other than your pfp ^^ i was curious as to who it was, so i dug through your account to see if there was a reference sheet for a mc! and there's no shame in tailoring an oc for a canon character if it brings you joy~ it's a lot fun to brainstorm when it comes down to that! especially since you need to seriously analyze the character, and then attempt to comfortably fit them in with your own mc without jeopardizing the story you wish to tell with them.

my adhd begs me to include this part for the description i wrote, but usually when i write descriptions of ocs like that, i always think of them being the innermost thoughts of my mc as her ceramics are being spun with a single flawed touch-- lack of delicacy or a tremor-- the red of the earth tainting the sweet ivory silk that billows with each flowing, curtain-esque movement, sealing fate.

and that is what makes my creations so easy to, well, create! my perspective is magnified from someone else (oc) who is humble and dignified, and yet, has a taste for looking too closely in the hopes of filling in the puzzle pieces to formulate a clearer picture, hoping that the person challenges her on an intellectual level. as for myself, i'm someone who scrutinizes with the intimidating aura of elizabeth bennet's (pride & prejudice) wit, and it often receives mixed reactions (much to both my amusement and my “ah, not again”'s). ^^;; my oc indirectly helps me become more likely to see through a (hopefully) unbiased lens, rather than a stubborn one full of judgement.

and uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu the yokai event alone was so mid tbh,, i don't know if you got the impression from what i said before, but i'd like to confirm that my sights were primarily set on what small, itty bitty pieces of information i could use for my own liking rather than genuinely enjoy the event itself </3 seriously so pissed at the devs for doing satan so dirty. i can't help but think it's out of spite for how the fandom pushed them to make satan like that back when obm first released...

OOF funny how when I threw this into my drafts, I had a bit of preamble on about how it took a while to get to this and now I've answered the newer asks before I got to this one because I forgot I even had this in the drafts >.>

First off--insane to me that you listened to all of it on Spotify? Like, without the game? I'm happy that my rambling about Guild Wars got you to listen to it though! I'm biased as fuck and think that it's got an amazing soundtrack, and personally think that the music started shining more once they stopped getting Jeremy Soule to do their music >.< Can't thank you enough for making the playlist really, because holy shit?

The media that a lot of the music you chose came from intrigues me as well. It's probably not that deep, but there's something about seeing Omori, Unravel, and The Beginner's Guide of all games there, aside from Guild Wars 2. I'm made extra curious about what Sky is now, since a lot of music came from there. There's something very fitting to me that Omori and The Beginner's Guide made it in the playlist.

Nonnie seriously, that playlist is the only thing keeping me tied to Spotify right now hgkjdgfh oh my goodness >.< Ever grateful, and really still so stunned that you went through the trouble. I know you said it comes fairly easy to you, but it doesn't diminish just how touched I am. My goodness >w<

Now... I'm not even sure how to approach everything you said about Dolasach because a lot of it really is striking food for thought--is this how authors feel when their characters are analyzed by someone smarter than them? sjkghdfjgjdfgh

Tbh, the comparison to Belphie and her alignment with Sloth surprised me, because I've always seen Dolasach as someone who actively fought against it in as many forms you can think of. Like you said, she really tries to grow, sometimes not caring in which direction she goes. Contentment is something she wishes she could have, yet it's something she always fears and she knows it; it's part of why there are times she wishes she could just die, because death is probably the most rest she'll ever have. But she also refuses to give in to the urge, even more so after her death at Belphie's hands.

But early on, yes. In the years right before her first year in the Devildom, her life had grown painfully stagnant, and being away from the pressures of her blood family and fully with the freedom to contemplate what she herself really wanted for herself lead to the realization that she's lost and unable to move forward, and has no one she was willing to speak to regarding her troubles. She'd isolated herself without really trying, and the lack of any meaningful connection with anyone or anything to live for lead to her wanting to break routine and force herself to find reason to keep going.

I think she thinks that i's enough for her that others love her if she can't love herself. She doesn't truly understand why, but learns to accept it and thrive under the gentle warmth that her partners and her found family bring her. Despite how much trouble being in the Devildom has given her (including dying and watching herself die), the unexpected whisking away to an exchange program that someone else signed her up for ended up giving her a new lease on life by giving her some beings to love and be loved by, and new passions to explore in the form of magic and magical studies.

Tbh the flower motif stemmed largely from the fact that my Guild Wars 2 character that I got Dola's name from is in fact a literal plant person, and the constant link to death stems from that character being a necromancer >.> Which feels anti-climactic to admit but that's the honest answer. It's just lent itself well to combining into something thematically wonderful for Dolasach the human.

Dolasach the sylvari, the original and namesake >.< The entire person + the clothes and weapon are all plant matter. I have like, 8 other plant people who look something like this

It's honestly so interesting that your thought process is like that :0 You're already so thorough in your analyses, and the added layer that seeing someone from the perspective of someone who would be there, able to observe the character from a first person perspective definitely adds even more to it. It's so nuts to me that you can come to conclusions and hypotheses like that on your own (with the help of your mc) because most of my thoughts on other characters come from reading others' takes, comparing them to canon, then deciding for myself if I agree or not then making adjustments so that I like what I understand.

fdhkgjsdhfjgksdhg the yokai event really let me down, both paths were so... Meh? And truly, I hate that they did Satan so dirty. This may be one of the rare times that everyone's outfits are good, but I personally still greatly dislike what they did with him, even more so after looking into the actual lore of the nekomata. All the more I hate that they incorporated so many cutely elements to his outfit.

Like what's with the paw prints? What's with the bows, what's with the bells? There is something very unimpressive about his silhouette as well in comparison to his brothers. Each one felt like proper respects were given to the yokai that they were based on, and while I understand that the nekomata is commonly made cute, it would've been nice if they leaned in to the ferocity and ferality of it when it came to designing Satan's outfit. A malicious spirit that's also said to grow more in power as a nekomata the more cruelly it was treated in its life as a normal cat... It feeds and kills for fun, and can manipulate the dead.

Then we get Satan's outfit, and a card where he's doing that stupid nyaa post again :/ The unlocked card are is a bit better, but it doesn't remove the fact that I don't like his outfit as a whole lol And I'm also so fucking bitter about the card. I wouldn't have even known that their costumes were supposed to have special abilities if I hadn't seen others post about it... Literally every other card from the Nightmare and Quiz had its respective character mention their costume's powers. Don't get any mention from Satan, and Im still bitter about the lame date and weaker than mediocre romance. So glad the card came home in not that many pulls, I'd be even more upset if I used more than I did and got THAT as the Devilgram...

Anyway anyway the rant got away from me fjdgkdfjhgdfgh And the rest of this answer feels weirdly incohesive but idk how to fix it? Sorry for taking so long to answer this one dgkjdfjh I genuinely forgot that I hadn't answered it but just noticed that it felt like I answered less asks than I knew I had from you...

[heleneplays]

Hi Lee! I'm curious to hear what you think of Cato? He's my HPHM MC in case you forgot. I also updated his profile about a week and a half ago, you can check it out on my masterlist if you'd like to give it a read. Hope you're doing well!

long time no talk, hi hi!!! im suffering rn but lemme suffer a bit more, yea?

so anyways, did read thru it quick, the backstory is quite incheresting :) i'm fully out of the 'dom but bc u asked nicely im just here lol

so, what can i say? your MC is literally just some guy™ and honestly that's SUCH a wholesome vibe, congrats on the guy™

seriously tho. his story is p normal and logical in my standards, since u know. *jazz hands onto the mcs with original & v unique & distinctive back/story ideas in the 'dom* but again. to me he is truly just some guy™ and its iconic of he :3

[maburito]

What IF do u recommend? 👀

ALRIGHT so since i keep falling on new if games and have a lot on my to read list I will make a second part of this list ozijfazorgj. But for now here are some of the IF games i highly recommend!

The Wayhaven Chronicles : First I'm starting with the obvious (that I've already recommended before i know shut up) Wayhaven Chronicles! After a strange murder in the usually tranquil town of Wayhaven, the newly appointed detective (aka the MC aka you) is gonna have to work with 4 beautiful vampires to "solve" this mystery. It currently has two books with a complete demo of the third book available. Honestly if you have followed my blog recently you saw me scream about this game cos I am obsessed and seriously i really recommend it, even if vampires aren't usually your thing.

Fallen Hero Rebirth : Oh boy, Fallen Hero, literally everything is in the title, and not at the same time. Basically you play as a former hero who's decided to become a villain for reasons i will absolutely not spoil bc it would be criminal. But know that this story is glorious, you can choose what kind of villain you would be (from an anarchist/anti hero type to a full blown heartless villain, everything is possible) and choose how your villain costume looks like. And of course you have different love interests all of them super interesting (tho i am very soft for Ortega, the Doctor and Argent but mostly the Doctor got me like 🥺🥺🥺 ). It currently has one book out with the second book demo almost all out called : "Fallen Hero Retribution".

Mindblind : Alright this, made me cry. Like actual tears came out of my eyes and i hate it ezokrafoprkg. In a world where the majority of people either have telepathy and other mental superpowers OR at least enough mind defense to not be too affected by those mental superpowers, your MC is the only "Zero" who's mind is basically an open book and a possible puppet for anyone with mental superpowers. Sucks even more when the MC family are basically renowned superheroes. For now only the demo is out and honestly i can't wait for the full book because this story has me hooked!

Speaker : Once again, a supernatural story because i can never get tired of them okay??? This time you can play as "a Speaker". Born from a generation of Seers, you went to the world a few seconds after ur twin sister, which means she got the traumatising visions while you're the only one who can "understand" them somewhat. Or at least try to make sense of them. But of course everything becomes troublesome when visions get more frequent and violent. Great premise, Lovable LI's (looking at Az, Rory and Kana 👀👀) what more could you want?

When It Hungers (formerly Smoke and Velvet on dashingdon) : First just so you know, the game is currently on dashingdon as Smoke and Velvet but will be moved to Twine with the title as "When it hungers" (u can go see the author tumblr if u curious). Anyway, as a lover of horror stories i can't wait to see more of When It Hungers, even if i made the mistake of reading this at night the first time 😔. The coolest thing ? You can choose to make your MC in three different monster : Basilik, Hellhound or a Haunted Doll, and each of them have a different past based on that choice.

A Tale Of Crowns : Basically A Tale of Crowns is a story based on a fantasy world (inspired by the Middle Eastern) where the big ruler aka The Crown is sorta chosen by the gods and can only be recognised by their golden eyes. Except that usually future crowns are found years before a current crown's death, and your character has been running away their whole lifes. I honestly don't even know how to begin to tell you how much i love this story. The universe built around it is just so well done, the love interests are all interesting for different reasons and i feel transported every time i read it. Even now saying this feels like too little but as usual im not good with english, but yeah just trust me it really deserves more than one look.

The Hunt : Demon Eyes : Just like When It Hungers, this IF is still on dashingdon but will be moved to Twine just so you know opzeakfaz. Anyway the premise is basically you play as a hunter, as in a hunter of supernaturals, whether you think all supernaturals are bad or think there are good ones is up to you, though u know, most of the love interests are supernaturals pzokfga. BUT! One day u end up possessed by a demon you were hunting and only break free TWO YEARS later! So u gonna have to try and find out what the hell happened all this time. There's not much out yet but im already really intrigued by the premise!

Bloodmoon : Who doesn't love a good story about werewolves? If you don't then im sorry you have such a lack of taste 😔. A story which updates every full moon (literally) about a clan of werewolves who just moved into a city, and unfortunatly it doesn't go as well as it could. Honestly between all the unique RO's (Vicky is my personal favorite even if Carrie and Shawnie also got me heart), the twist on the relationship between the wolves and the moon, and the whole story and dynamics between all the characters, Bloodmoon is a delight to read. And yeah i definitely re-read it way too many times oiajgfaoiej.

The Exile : Are you tired of fantasy stories? Well too bad here's one more because i love them!! And boooy this one got me obssesed. Playing as a former commander who was once admired by the kingdom they had vow to protect, they are now a fallen hero due to a tragedy that they cannot even remember. Between new encounters and former allies, trouble just keep finding them no matter what. Sorry for the bad summary but honestly the demo of this story got me so hooked!!! And you can basically choose what kind of "semi magic creature" your mc is! (werewofl, phoenix, etc). Seriously give it a go you won't regret it

[obesericewrites]

I'm glad that me not knowing the word for an optometrist has caused so much confusion. This makes me curious about smth tho;

My sight has been rapidly declining since my mid-teens, but I also keep putting off going to the optometrist for check-ups. How would the ROs react to an MC that does said thing?

Also tell Mr. Jaha that even though I love him already, S may or may not have taken my heart and i'm not interested in getting it back

Trust me, anon. Get your eyes checked. My sibling was EXACTLY like that, but when they got their eyes checked, they say they see in 4K and can’t imagine how they used to be seeing. So, PLEASE GET YOUR EYES CHECKED IT WILL COME OUT GREAT -A glasses wearer.

Now to the ask….

M: They wouldn’t really notice. Sure, they would see you squint at things to see along with get closer/farther to see something clearer. M thinks is just a human thing. Though when they see some people walking around with some metal and thick glass on their face. They’ll ask questions.

When they find out what it means, M would definitely debate on whether or not they want Dawn to get her eyes checked. In the end, she does and she hated that experience with a pure passion….but she liked playing with the frames of glasses.

S: S notices immediately. When they hide in your ceiling beams, S likes to move items around just to watch you feel around the counters to find the items. S thinks it’s very funny. You find it hilarious when they finally fall from the beams and straight on their face.

Though, in all seriousness, S would bride or just drag you to the optometrist in your village. S is determined that you aren’t weakened by your eyes. Since you definitely need them in the future, to spot them if S is in your walls…again.

B: They poke at you to get your eyes checked throughout your childhood. They would try to subtly herd you to the optometrist building but when you finally noticed where you are. You turn around, saying ‘I’ll get my eyes checked sooner or later’. Much to their annoyance.

B just wants to make sure that you don’t stab your fingers with your needles. How you managed not to make your finger a pin cushion is a surprise to them. B gets incredibly nervous whenever they see you use a needle to sew and you squint or bring your face closer.

FOR MR. JAHA 😩🥰 (IM SO GLAD YOU THOUGHT OF HIM<3)

He lets out a pained sigh as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “…kid, I’m really starting to get worried about you taste in partners.” He shifts mid sentence so he can place both hands on his hips with a look of pure disapproval clear on his face.

“You’ll date that bastard over my dead body.” He adds, just to spite you and S. You give him a firm smack in the shoulder just for him being over-dramatic.

[myfriendthedictionary]

WOAH YOUR NINE CONCEPT IS INCREDIBLE!!! AAAAA it's so creative and this legit has a lot of potential jfjsjs also tiny question: so when the MC rewinds back in time, does she take Mia with here? so they like um try to escape her death in different timelines? sorry i'm a bit curious aaa fnsns how will that work tho? Does MC like plan to live in that timeline for a certain amount of time til the danger passes? (If the answer is obvious then um i'm sorry i'm just really dumb sometimes jfjss)

anyways i really love the different time periods with different music styles oooh i think that'll be a blast to listen to!!! Sorry i'm just really really into hearing about other musical concepts stuffs and especially this one! Rewinding time as a means to try and cope with the trauma of losinga loved one is a great concept and seeing it as a musical would rock!! I just think it's really freaking impressive woo go dude!!!

also um most of my musical ideas are umm my rants in musical form because woo i love ranting fjsjs. most of them are commentaries on stuff that um makes me annoyed i.e everything i find wrong with religion stuffs, ph gov stuffs (that's like the prominent theme of 4 of my concepts), privilege stuffs and more woo. most of them are umm i guess adaptations of pre-existing media but i guess with a twist (one of them aka the one i really wanna work on is kinda based on the dynamic these three characters named Ibarra, Maria Clara and Elias have in Noli Me Tangere (it's kinda a national novel here cause it was written by our national hero as some sort of commentary on Spanish occupation here) but make it modernized and a bit gay) so there's that oh and also I haven't started writing on any of them cause yay i'm lazy fjjds

AWWWW DUDE TYSM!!!!!! Seriously I 🥺🥺🥺 it means a lot to me !!! thank you for letting me ramble about it omg

and no you’re so good!!! haha there is nothing that . makes sense about this musical so you’re definitely not dumb lol! in basic layout, no, she’s not really taking mia with her. Mia dies in the real world in the beginning of the show (there’s an opening scene where they’re saying goodbye to each other after a date, and then she dies offstage), but the rest of the timelines aren’t so much like. times i suppose. I definitely explained my own musical wrong lol— it’s more like other sort of worlds? they’re different time periods the MC could have existed in with Mia, but in all of them, Mia ends up dying in different ways. it’s the same like. day (everywhere she goes it’s technically supposed to be June 2nd, although it isn’t specifically like a big point),, it’s just different years and alternate realities where she’s sort of pushing the self who would have been in that reality out and trying to find a happy ending with Mia.

Andldshaldh im so sorry i am not explaining it very helpfully. But it makes. Some sense in my brain.

And those all sound like really cool ideas!!!!!!! Ahskdshks ranting in musical form is honestly my favorite form of media to consume, so i would absolutely be all for any of those! and making an adaption would be super cool !!! i am not a person who can like. envision things as other things very well. so huge kudos for you for being able to do that !! seriously, so cool !!!

[misterbitches]

i said i would talk about saizon and usually i would be under the influence. but i am not yet. read the * at end of the post first if u want clarification of overall.

i might mention torfight (will refer as f/t) but if anyone gets upset just chill. it’s a really inconsequential opinion. the chances of someone stumbling upon this means nothing. it isnt’ a compare and contrast just how i personally feel while viewing these shows. and i probably want to dive into what this means in a broader context since i have all the time and brain space in the world 

from the first encounter of saifah and zon or their first encounter outside of their “kiss” (LOL? so unnecessary) it was clear that as awkward as it could or may be there was natural chemistry. which i want my tiny head to explore.

so a lot of BL (which is like....tv and movies etc in general anyways) hell even dramas may have a less sexual undertone to get to where they are going. which i think is a problem with tv in general (a friend was bringing this up with the new rules of social distancing on set which...capitalism but whatever)  where sex is a vehicle for connection. a lot of BLs can be explicit i suppose, but in the west it’s like jumping into bed is a huge base for a lot of couples. also everyone fucks too much who cares.

but sex, kisses, hookups, any nudity, etc is not a placeholder for like actual intimacy, romantic love, showing love. that’s part of why i hate the concept of love at first sight, at least the way it plays out. you can really like someone, hell maybe even love, when you see them or feel this bond but the bond isn’t because you TOUCHED them.

there’s a difference between natural chemistry and forced. natural chemistry is what you would prefer which is why casting directors have literally chemistry tests to test your compatibility as actors, with a writer/director, and on camera. there can be people whose chemistry develops and we see the potential, or people who we know don’t love each other IRL and this is acting but it’s still powerful. but this always means you have to give them the time and space. actors can jump in/out of character but it’s human nature. if two peopl eare meeting for the first time and have to simulate sex there’s going to be this natural like...strangeness. obviously. viewers can see it.

so when you get two people who click irl and it doesn’t always have to be romantic or sexually it’s kind of more of a thrill. very obviously mii2 are a lot more flexible around each other so it is less mechanic. i think i like watching tharntype because even tho i feel like parts of it seriously need some oil, i can see and understand a relationship developing through their characters as they act (and i do not particularly think they are good actors.)

the friendship that saizon display—whether we think it is spontaneous and too quick or not—is legitimately nice. and they are very obviously comfortable with each other. i guess there can be an idea of romantic friendship (but idk abt that one, we dont have to fucking label everything you can love someone so deeply in your own way outside of our parameters bla bla capitalism ruining everything bla bla individualism)

they got in each others faces, then would do very weird shit together, because that’s who they are. for me personally i think being able to have fun with your partner is iMPERATIVE. one of my fav moments is when they fucking meow at each other (which i know is a thai joke, right? idk) and it is so weird but you can tell they understand the way they communicate?

to me  like...having someone you feel something deep with is that there’s this role you guys are playing, it’s a joke you started, and with the best kind of intimacy and love your partner can keep it going, keep it rolling, hang it up in the air and you guys just go back adn forth....forever lol 

i also legitimately think it is important to hammer home the fact that you are yourself without a partner and i really resent a message that makes it seem like you can’t live without someone. maybe a lack of saizon was good that way. like they existed as two seperate people. their love and attraction weren’t the only thing going for them. it was just natural and very nice.

this particular display of romance and affection is one that’s strong but doesn’t take itself too seriously. not because you don’t want to lose them but because there’s enough security. or like, it’s really guided by this unspeakable feeling you feel with another person. 

i’m not sure if that means soulmates but it’s something close. saifah doesn’t expect zon to be someone he can’t, but it doesn’t mean he has to let himself go completely for him. when he expressed being sad that zon pulled away it’s normal. and zon knew he couldn’t do it but they still got through it. and then he pats the bed and saifah jumps on him.

these types of couples remind me of why i feel the way i do about love. i can’t imagine something fucking bogging me down, where i feel like i can’t get up without pulling me, where i don’t feel myself first. zon was figuring himself out and he was thinking of himself and his feelings. bc he should. 

that’s another reason why trapped MC (H3) is one of my favs. first of all THEY LAUGHED TOGETHER WHICH IS LIKE A REQUIREMENT UR NO FUN IF UR A SQUARE and second of all they were going to spend year apart and could do that. had to. fuck the carceral state but. 

you don’t ask someone to give up a part of themselves, you only want them to be the best they can be. it isnt through demands it’ sgrowing with them and fucking respecting them with everything you have. and it means having a foundation outside of them, too. 

i know people get upset at the “love anybody but u have to love yourself” adage but i don’t really see it tht way. i absolutely believe you need to learn to be healthy alone and have a community. rely on all sorts of people. have different types of love and figure yourself out. we can’t be free as human beings without it and i would rather fucking die than not feel free. 

oh and like....being with someone where you feel seen and heard not shamed. i read this thing in the atlantic like, partnerships fail a lot because of lack of validation. imagine having someone who trusts you, and maybe helps to trust yourself, and validates you by being there. nice.

and it’s nice having someone you love so deeply and beautifully along for the ride. instead of no actual pleasure outside of sex, your relationship IS the pleasure. beautiful stunning etc. and that’s what makes everythign feel good the love, sex, living, whatever. with someone and with yourself.

this got away from me in conclusion theyre very cute eand that’s cos it’s easy and natural. mii2 are fun to watch as saizon and themselves. life shouldnt be too hard. im a big fan of working as little as possible and being happy kekekek

*i am talking monogamy, love, and the self. why only ‘traditional’ rships? first: i literally cannot handle people because i can’t handle my mind. non-monagamy is incredibly alluring to me for my autonomy, in the abstract, and in theory. however, in practice, i don’t think—for me as a black woman and what it means for me—i can enact anything i feel would be detrimental to me or puts me in a position where i feel forced into a dynamic i no longer care for. 

and who knows if that changes? i only do and care about the things i like and find important. no one else but me, family, and friends. how i choose. so i am talking abt monogamy but u can interpret that for other rships if you wish. 

second: it’s. my. life. 

i dont carrreeee about monogamy/non monagamy outside of liberation and sexual freedom and what does that mean?  there is no blueprint for that. there is no future expectation for a relationship, there is nothing but how we choose to interact with the world and community. first and foremost: love means so many things and it doesn’t have to mean any “new” ideas. or “instincts.” who fucking cares. we can’t reimagine literal relationships, people are fucking toxic in all types of them, only reimagine how we interact with ourselves and each other. there is no fucking guarantee with any of this we are safe. you cannot predict life. just live it. honor yourself first. there’s some black feminists books on like love and intimacy if you are curious how capitalism binds us. we keep wanting to find solutions WITHIN when its like nah, it;s our own fuckin terms. self-love becomes the love you can extract from others. it isn’t sustainable. 

ROMANTIC LOVE WAS INVENTED TO MANIPULATE WOMEN = JENNY HOLZER

[cindercate]

So, this after end. My thoughts. (on the Forgiveness route)

1) AHG THE PAIN

2) Okay, seriously though... Rambling ahead.

It was basically everything I’ve been wanting out of a Mystic Messenger ending, honestly. I’d really like if they’d flesh out all the ends this much.

I think my biggest issue is... well, let’s break this into two parts. One is it’s V’s after end but he didn’t show up much. I’m totally okay with that actually but, it’s a little weird that it’s HIS after end.

And the bigger issue: V’s route never felt romantic to me, and I’d much rather just...have a friendship with him. Especially in his end, it makes way more sense to me if MC gets with Saeyoung. I know this doesn’t make sense to happen in V’s route, really, but IDK. This is the happiest end by far, and it’s a shame that it’s in the like...least romantic route imo.

Otherwise, this is really really good and mature and well thought out and finally FINALLY satisfying on all accounts. Oh, except one, that one being Jumin who still is clearly struggling which happens in every FUCKING route except his which makes me salty.

I loved Yoosung in this; I loved Saeyoung in this. It made me feel positive about V as opposed to my :/ feelings of before. (Esp. since they elaborated on his og end and it didn’t make him just look like the biggest douche lmfao)

Also, Rika. Oh boy, Rika. I have definitely not been quiet about how much I loathe her (will never be able to like her after Saeran’s route, frankly) but it was nice to see a) Yoosung tell her off, and b) realize that her choices are her OWN and HER responsibility, regardless of her past. Shitty past doesn’t excuse your present actions, end of story. On that note, I don’t like how they treated her mental illness. They literally said something like, “What if her mental illness comes back?” which is...not how that works. But I won’t go on about that.

I think that’s mostly it. My only other immediate thought is: that 5 year jump was cute but cheesy. I thought the kid was cute though, and I like the idea of V/MC adopting. Very them.

Like I said earlier, I’d like to see all the ends fleshed out this much, honestly. All the non-answers in the other ends have always been a big AHG on my part. So them managing to wrap everything up in this was good. I’m quite curious about the ‘judge’ ending since, honestly, it’s probably closer to what I feel internally as opposed to what I externally express. I hope Saeran’s After Story is set up like this (ouch my hourglasses tho)

Cheritz did great this time. I’m curious about the Rika Backstory but it’s almost 1am, so, not yet. Also V’s theme is great and I love it.

[tayegi]

Its going downhill omg “And if I find out that you’ve let someone else touch what’s mine… You’ll regret it.” HE'S A PSYCHOPATH....I'm curious About what will happen between jimin and her while jungkook is away!

Anonymous said:I started getting creepy vibes from Jungkook in equilibrium back in ch 4 when the girl said she felt like he might hit her before he kissed her (which is not a normal feeling you should get from your lover, even fleetingly) and he just keeps getting worse. You're doing a great job at showing how unhappy she is so I think people who are defending jungkook are purposefully being blind cause you're clearly not portraying it as a healthy relationship and never have been. Hope you're doing well!

Anonymous said:The relationship the OC, Jungkook, and Jimin have in Equilibrium honestly makes me sad. Separately, I think they could be much happier but together they're toxic and destructive. None of them are doing something good because they're all using each other, and Jungkook's behavior is in no way "hot"... you've built an incredibly interesting story, and I'm excited to see where t goes!

Anonymous said:To the people who think jungkook in equilibrium: NO HE'S NOT. Honestly, I can't understand how people find him attractive still, but I'm going to try to guess. Maybe it's the idea of being so completely "loved" by someone or having them pour all of their attention onto you. But the thing is, you deserve better than some psycho who says they care. (1/2)

Anonymous said:You deserve someone who treats you like a human, not and object. You deserve to feel safe. to you, Lu: Thank you for writing such a beautifully morbid piece. I know it's not finished, and with all the frustrating responses it may be a lot to deal with at times since you're already so busy, but thank you. This story shows that relationships aren't always nice, or good, or healthy. It shows how tragic they can really be, and while someone may not be "good", they shouldn't have to deal with bs(2/2)

Anonymous said:It terrifies me that girls can find jungkook's character to still be attractive. There's a difference between someone being kinda protective or playfully jealous and straight up psychotic and possessive. I get that maybe it's like "oh but he was such a good guy" or that they're attached to an idea of jungkook in real life, but that doesn't make it any less concerning. In fact, it find it even more terrifying frankly. (1)

Anonymous said:The reason I find it more terrifying that people would still find him attractive if their reason is attachment to the real life human or previous attachment from earlier in the fic is that this is exactly how abusive relationships happen. It's not likely that someone will start off hitting you or being controlling on like the second week you're together. Everything will be close to perfect probably. (2)

Anonymous said:The whole issue (that I think your fic executes perfectly) is what happens when a relationship becomes something toxic, and this person (who you may or may not be in love with) becomes someone you never would have originally dated. But the inability to see the situation for what it is and to continue to idolize and love someone unconditionally is a huge concern. When you have to blur the lines of right and wrong for someone, chances are something is wrong. I just wish people could see that. (3)

Anonymous said:As someone who has been in a past relationship with him being possessive. It's not cute it's not sexy it's fucking terrible and terrifying. Lucky I was able to get out of it quickly. My older brother and mommy made a sure he would stay the hell away from me because he keep harassing me calls, texts, showing up at my house unannounced. Even tho this is a fanfic they are things people need to take seriously and not be light hearted about this.

Anonymous said:Ok honest time right now the new chapter of equilibrium gave a anxiety,It was just like I could feel the tension and the idk everything just coming over me and the times Jungkook said the oc was his and only his made me so uncomfortable and uneasy srsly it was like I was the one in an abusive relationship and then she tries to "escape" to Jimin and even then she can't because even subconsciously, idk if it makes sense,Jungkook its still trapping her and not letting go and I feel so bad for her

thekookiecrush said:I started reading Equilibrium today and I just finished it and omg, everything that is said or is happening, it's like a shot in my heart, sometimes I shivered because the whole situation is so fucked up but your story is so good, my heart is still racing from chapter 11. I can't wait for the story to be continued... thank you for that high-quality masterpiece

Anonymous said:ok like tbh im super done with every single anon that takes the time to actually defend jk's disgusting behavior. it might be difficult to look past his real-life persona as an idol, but come on. no man, no matter how beautiful or nice to other people, should be allowed to do this or even 1/5th of this to a woman. it's just not.......justifiable at all. like please get your heads straight and think for a few moments before sending practically misogynstic messages like this. im just....wow wtf

Anonymous said:Patiently waiting for Jin or yoongi to separate all of them. I can't trust jungkook for one sec it sound like there's more going on when he's not around the oc and jimin. I don't trust jimin obviously and the oc. Now it's gotten to the point where I'm just like please leave eachother the oc and jimin are hurting as of jungkook idk if he actually has real feelings for the oc but hmm. THEY ALL NEED TO GO.

awkward-kooks said:This is why we need to work harder against abuse. It's not a pretty thing to romanticize it since it is dangerous. As someone whose best friend is in an emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive relationship, it hurts seeing some of your readers thinking that Jungkook's personality (at least in the FANFICTION) is completely OK and valid since he's just "protecting" the reader or "getting jealous" of Jimin's character.

Anonymous said:Argh, reading the new chapter makes me feel kind of sick. I feel so bad for the OC and this whole situation is giving me anxiety. The way Jungkook is acting makes me want to scream at him hahaha :( I can't believe he doesn't see how wrong this is (being all possessive and guilt-tripping her and all) :((( but it was amazingly written so thank you!

Anonymous said:So I'll be honest enough to say that I just started reading Equilibrium. At first it feels so intense and you just start feeling on edge (in an angsty/giddy way). But after a while, the relationship dynamics begin to feel digusting! Don't get me wrong tho I 100% luv ur writing but the abuse is getting way out of hand and I wouldn't want that for myself my gawd i would've quit from day 1 hahaha cause im kinda possessive, and sharing with another person and endure abuse is a big fuck no!!

Anonymous said:Wow Equilibrium is getting scary. What scares me more is that you are writing an OC who is scared about what could possibly happen, she is being emotionally manipulated. And there are people who think that what JK is doing is sexy. I hope that your readers eventually understand what is and what isn't a healthy relationship. None of this is healthy. You want relationship goals look at Morticia and Gomez Adams. This is a fantastic piece of writing though. Thank you.

Anonymous said:Thank you for that amazing update holy shit. Jungcock is seriously scaring me so much and I feel so bad for the mc and Jimin. I feel as if Kookie purposely poisoned Jimins food. And honestly I'm so scared for the mc. Like the way Jungkook traps her and has this possessiveness, powering over the mc freaks me out so much. I feel as if the mc will not be able to take the possessiveness anymore and well run away? Thank you for the update. This chapter I feel is very important. Have a good day!

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR NOT FALLING PREY TO OUR DISGUSTING MISOGYNISTIC SOCIETY THAT TELLS US A POSSESSIVE, CONTROLLING, CRAZY MAN IS SEXY!!! IT’S NOT. IT’S FUCKING SCARY AKLSJDFKLSJF IM SO GLAD THAT THERE ARE SANE PPL OUT THERE

[nightwhite13]

i've known hayden only two days, but if anything happened to her i'd kill everyone in this room and then myself. Or whatever that meme is i've seen before. i'm so soft for her! i feel bad tho, bc i'm kind of side eyeing Steve but flailing over Hayden; she does not seem as 'perfect' as him like there's more depth and not immediate agreement to things. also, i'm just protective of my cousin. i just got the note from him. i kind of think they may be grown clones or smthn tailored to ur likes? Hmm.

(2/2)...but anyway i still love her, especially bc the rescue *swoons*. If there is something amiss, i'm now more interested in why Eros would give out these perfect match ppl to other ppl. like Nadia does not seem to be in a place of power (she makes cool art but...meh) and the MC's job has not disclosed yet so i'm curious as to what their end game is? maybe i'm being too suspicious. but i intentionally missed the time command to push car door and hayden still pryed it off. >.> hope u r well.            

Oh anon, youre so close, pls keep playing pm and talk to me about it. seriously im currently replaying pm and now that i know what will happen, the tears wont stop coming and i just want to hug them all. especially hayden, she deserves everything good in this world

also, what Hayden did you get? mine is artistic. really tho i was trying to get another personalities for hayden but then i couldn’t imagine my hayden not spurting witty catchphrase after she defeated a villain

YES!! that made hayden interesting. like she actually has this depth characteristic and not just the same personality over and over again. hayden get to be angry, to be sad, desperate, hopeless, furious, and so full of love. i love her so much. i guess thats why shes my fave LI in this app

And becca is number 2 cause we can see their character development and it was so beautiful

[tayegi]

Hii u lovely creature. First i just wanted to say i love ur work, this last chapter was...quite shocking since well how Jk was talking and reacting towards the OC. Im really not good with theories really and specially if i gotta write them down in english but i was thinking since u said this would have 3 parts that maybe...just maybe was like one part of each of the characters? Like one were we view in detail the feelings of the OC, then JK and the Jimin? Maybe? Idk sorry. Anyway love ur work :)

Anonymous said:Thank you for being able to find the time to write equilibrium, and thank you for being able to find the time to update it as well- and come on tumblr at all tbh. I know it must not seem like it but most of us really really appreciate it. Please don’t feel rushed to update and take as much time as you need. Thank you again for your work.

Anonymous said:hey! thank you SO much for continuing equilibrium. I’m really enjoying the plot and character development. its very interesting and you do a rly good job at weaving all the layers of meaning together. you’re one of my favorite writers 💗 hope ur having a great day!

Anonymous said:(3) I wonder what is it that jimin saw on jungkook as well, I don’t think that just good looks and the fact that he is good at a lot of things are enough to fall in love or accept being in that kind of relationship ¿ or maybe yes or I’m missing something. Anyways I absolutely adore this fic!! I love your detailed descriptions and how you put important little things and hints and how you think of every single word!! Really thank you for sharing it with us! You have created a huge masterpiece.

Anonymous said:(2)The days when jimin went away must have been the best days of his life, and I wonder now with Jungkook away how the dynamics between jimin and the oc would be, especially her. It would be really wow and not wow at the same time if she turned like kook. I doubt because she knows she doesn’t have a “connection” with jimin, and is more than aware that he wants jungkook. But maybe things will change like they did with him.

minsuguk said:(1) It surprises me how the oc feels about jimin, accepting jungkook’s possesiveness and mad terms in order to keep him in that crazy relationship which is the only way she can have a just little bit of jimin. But again, I’m not surprised because it’s kind of what Jungkook felt ¿ I mean he saw something in her, and she saw something in jimin. And jungkook was aware of her and jimins feelings and he proposed being together in order to be with her as well.

Anonymous said:I want to feel bad for all of them, but I feel bad for none of them. That’s a lie I feel slightly bad for o/c but shes doing it to herself because she wants to keep this tiny connection to Jimin and that’s the start of her problem! All in all this is gonna end badly. I knew that necklace was gonna come back and bit her in the ass.

Anonymous said:(part 2) You know how Jungkook is all fucking crazy in denial about having a connection with her could she be in the same denial except (but not crazy) I mean Jimin had to have noticed the reader was always with him in the beginning now they don’t even touch each other its all so fucked up because you cant feel bad for anyone at this point (I am scared for the reader though because how far will jungkook go if she let jimin touch her)

Anonymous said:Jimin CAN’T be oblivious to this whole situation if he was able to hear his name being called when Jungkook was fingering the mc he had to have heard something else. Could he be ignoring this situation to make sure he is able to stay with jk the same way jk and mc are using each other for the same thing? bc if it was obvious that jimin was in love with jk before anything happened did he have to “get through” 1 on 1 with the mc like she did with jungkook (part 1)

Anonymous said:oh dude the relationship in equilibrium is on the verge of becoming a huge trainwreck but i can’t stop reading it cos i want to see how big of a trainwreck it will become. can’t wait til we get to the point where the relationship just swerves off the track and just goes kablooey! rip.

Anonymous said:oh my gosh I absolutely adored reading the new chapter of equilibrium! I’m so amazed that you find the time out of your busy day to write so much! thank you so so much for the new chapter. i’m really curious to see how this story line will progress, and I do wonder what will happen with jimin and y/n over that weekend… hmm anyways thank you again!! this is my first time writing to you aha I’m so nervous and also !! I love you please take care of yourself

Anonymous said:I HATE YOU SM I’m kidding I love you lu 💕💕 I can already feel the angst approaching aghhssh I’m going to die

Anonymous said:The new update has me a bit fearful of jungkook. He seems to be a little bit to possessive-at least to me anyways. I wonder if jimin has noticed the change in jungkook as well? When he said that the oc was the only one who understood him it reminded me of the conversation they had in ch4 about his family not approving of his major. When i read that scene the first time, i kinda got the sense that that was why jungkook liked the oc.

Anonymous said:Shook again from Equilibrium updates @.@ Thanks as always!!

Anonymous said:omggggggg equilibriummmm the tension just keeps building and building up I AM SO READY FOR THE SHIT TO HIT THE FAN

Anonymous said:It’s really interesting because there are elements that show a legitimate fear the OC has when it comes to Jungkook. I can’t wait to see more (well I can obv and I will NO PRESSURE FJDKSKSKS but you know what I mean~). Also thank you for updating so often like. I have barely any work & a shit ton of free time and I still just can’t write so you’re??? Like how??? Thank u sm. 💕

Anonymous said:First of all - thank you for updating. You could throw a sentence of Equilibrium in my way once a year and I’d still cry of happiness. And second - I love this story so much you don’t even know. Their relationship has taken such a sharp turn suddenly and Jungkook’s motives are clearer and clearer while the MC still seems to be sort of oblivious? Ah I have so many speculations but there’s not enough characters in asks haha. Anyways it was amazing once again, thank you!

yaja-time said:Equilibrium is too my favorite writings of your.. probably one of my favorites out of all the fics I’ve ever read. But I love it so much I would wait 10 years for you to update. Shit I’d even be happy if you updated with only using 10 words. I understand you have a life and I for one am very grateful for your writings, because they are amazing. So thank you for writing.

Anonymous said:Poor Equilibrium OC :( Sadly this scenario hits close to home with her and Jungkook. But good job as always Lu! I appreciate the work you do, have me on the edge of my seat!

bluefullmetaltitan said:Lol. I’ve been waiting for you to say that!! Yayayay! I support you 100% cause like, it shouldn’t matter how long it takes. I’m in love with all of your writings!! Thank you!!

Anonymous said:bruh, equilibrium tho. i loves it like i loves you. but for real, its amazing and incredible reading smaller details from earlier chapters come back into play and seeing how everything slowly links together (how you have the willpower to write so much is incredible)

Anonymous said:I loved equilibrium babe it's so good keep up the amazing writing I loved the last chapter it's a very good storyline 👍🏼👍🏼 and please In the equilibrium let her end Up with jimin and more jimin smut please 😂😂 seriously loved it 💋💋

Anonymous said:When I first started reading equilibrium I thought it was about the three of them learning how to function in a polyamorous relationship. But in the first 4 chapters, you revealed the MC's feelings towards Jimin, & then showcased Jungkook and MC alone. Then, when Jungkook got possessive, & you wrote Jimin's and MC's back story, I was like, "she's not seriously trying to romanticize this relationship, is she?" BUT YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE SHOWCASING LEGIT PROBLEMS IN A REALISTIC STORY. I AM HERE FOR IT

Anonymous said:Im living for Equilibrium rn🔥🔥🔥🔥, your such a good writer. Loving all your works 💖💖

Anonymous said:why do I feel like jungkook semi poisoned jimin so he couldn't go 😫equilibrium is so good rlly got me questioning everything lol

Anonymous said:Hello tayegi, i just want to say, you're the first writer I read in this bts fandom and im so thankful for that. And im so pumped for equilibrium jajajajajaAaaaa 🙏

Anonymous said:I have to be honest I was all for jungkooks protectiveness in early chapters cause I thought it was hella cute but after reading equilibrium chp 11... Im not too sure anymore. Like he actually made me kinda scared and trapped especially during the end (guess that's how good you're writing is). On a positive note, loving this series and I hope all three characters get backlashes for this messed up relationship lmao

Anonymous said:I don't get how anyone can complain about ch11 being "only 3k" like there was so much that happened in that chapter it didn't even feel like it was "short." I'm even amazed you can write such great quality stories despite being a phd student (do these children know what that is???) AND it's like midterm season rn like the quality doesn't drop despite this. And honestly I feel like these chapters have been getting updated pretty frequently these days I feel really spoiled haha

Anonymous said:EQUILIBRIUM IS SOME OF THE BEST WORK I'VE EVER SEEN ON HERE!!! LIKE I WAS AT SCHOOL TODAY AND I READ EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER AND I WAS SO OVERCOME BY WHAT WAS HAPPENING. AND WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT JUNGKOOK WANTED THE READER TO HIMSELF I GOT SO SHOOK!!!! LIKE I KINDA KNEW SOMEHOW THAT HE WANTED HER ALL TO HIMSELF. HE JUST WASN'T GONNA LET JIMIN HAVE HER ANYMORE HUH? BUT I'M SO EXCITED FOR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!! *sorry for yelling i was too excited for this series ily~*

Anonymous said:Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! There was an Equilibrium update?! *runs to open tab so that it's the first thing I see after class* Bruh, I can't wait to dive in. Thanks for being a thug about all of those comments. Best part about creating works of art/expressing creativity is that you get to make people think, invite them to have an opinion and start conversations. If anything, Equilibrium provokes its readers to have a clear opinion. That's a success in my book. ;) Fighting always! - Happy Reader

yonggukssmolgf said:I love you. I love your blog. I love your writing. I love the equilibrium series. And I just love how you just take your time to update. Like you do things at you own pace and I like that about you. I followed you because you're an amazing person, you love your followers, and you never disappoint with your fics. Thanks for existing and I hope I made your day a little bit happier!🐼😙😀

Anonymous said:Excuse me young lady... yeah I'm talking to you Lu...Yupp.... you're being mad disrespectful, how dare ruin my nights peaceful sleep but updating equilibrium like that... do you not want me to graduate... it's senior year and I'm head deep into my writing... yeah thanks a lot for ruining my life... JK I LOVE YOU 💕

Anonymous said:I just read chapter 11 of Equilibrium and it made me want to CRY! I love the story so far and it's written amazingly well but it's tOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS! I'm super excited for the updates 💙💙💙💙

seokjinniemin said:oml I just finished chapter 11 of Equilibrium and boy howdy am I SHOOK. Equilibrium is by far one of my favorite fanfic series I've ever read! You're such an amazing writer, they way you convey the stress and anxiety of the oc is just phenomenal. And the small details you put into it like damn! I'm so anxious about this and how it's going to progress, especially with the oc and Jimin being alone. I feel like shit is going to hit the fan real soon o_o

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:wtffff please ignore that anon i think you've been updating so quickly!! and i love the story sooo much it's so great no matter how lengthy it is. the content is what matters quality >>> quantity i really love it and know you work hard and appreciate it ❤❤

Anonymous said:Sometimes I think people are just plain dumb. Like, wtf, i am happy that you updated such an amazing story! You do not have the obligation to provide anything for us, you do it because you like it. People should be more grateful and learn to respect. Thank you for de update, you are straight up amazing

aichan11 said:I just read Equilibrium 11, it's so good! I sent you a message before, sorry if it was out of line. Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing :) of course I have my own wishes/hopes about how the 3 people in Equilibrium would turn out but I don't want to risk influencing your writing. I can't wait for the whole balance to just tip over and see what happens. Is that too evil of me? Hahaha

Anonymous said:The new chapter was intense! I wonder what Jeon is hiding.. I feel bad for both Jimin and OC. Poor jiminie doesn't know what that kid is doing, and OC is stuck cos of jjk. I love your work Lu, stay classy ❤️❤️

Anonymous said:ahhhhh!!! another amazing chapter babe!!! Love the dynamic,screwed up characters