#im so full of emotions rn

[iftitah]

talked to school bestie 2 hours on phone god im out of breath with my chest hurting but it so worth the talk

[halevren]

*sobbing, overwhelmed with emotions* hoot growl... hoot growl... hoot growl...

[ivoryratdoggerythethird]

reading dazai, chuuya, age fifteen for the finally and now i'm just mad i didn't read it earlier like

first of all why does this have the best first chapter of all time ever like this french waiter lookin ass nameless grunt looks like he smakes cigars and shotguns with hiroutsu tell me i'm wrong you can't

and chuuya chuuya chuuya chuuya chUUYA OH MY BELOVED i am suddenly personally connected with dazai on a spiritual level because i too would become obsessed with this dude if he stomped on my face. i'm already obsessed without him stomping on my face.

ALSO WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS WHY IS THE ENTIRE FANDOM SLEEPING ON THESE PANELS

"what's wrong? i'm just on my tippy toes" chuuya sweetie i am going to go fucking FERAL

ballerina chuuya agenda real

also

everyone else go home like i'm sorry i really am. kunikida babe i love you with a gun dazai you look good with one too tachihara you're my baby but like none of you ever use bullets again please your fully grown asses are embarrassing once i've met fifteen year old chuuya catching bullets in his mouth and blowing back a literal kiss of death back at you like look at his hand at the end there, i'm losing my mind

[iamtheoneandonlyever]

OKAY so this is the alley rose byler analysis, here you go!

Btw this is purely from will's pov :)

I picked you up from the corner store

Your eyes were red and your lips were torn

So much to say, that's subject sore

So much you'd change since you were born

You wrapped your fingers around my neck

And pulled me into your desperate breath

The way you kissed me hot and fast

I knew it'd be the last

Okay i imagine this to be the post vecna defeat, right after they win. And we get the ✨️post-war suspense kiss✨️ bc just let me, okay?

You told me "I'm just so nervous, dear"

Well, how the hell do you think I feel?

I waited all year at your feet

Like maybe you'd love me

Imagining this to be the season 4 airport scene bc mike was so nervous there, no straight boy is hesitant to hug his best friend of a decade. Also Will pining for Mike for a whole year.

And I don't even care if it makes me sound insane

I ran my fingers through your hair

And I thanked God to touch the flame

'Cause I swore necks were made for bruising

I swore lips were made for lies

And I thought if you'd ever leave me, that I'd be the reason why

Definitely Will being sappy and in love post getting together while also being insecure bc he thinks he can't have good things in his life.

And I don't even care if it's just a summer fling

If it's all experimental and you go back to safer things

But I swore hands were made for fighting

I swore eyes were made to cry

But you're the first person that I've seen who's proven that might be a lie, so

Again, Will being insecure about having things for himself and thinking Mike could still very much go back to 'safer things' *cough cough* heteronormativity *cough cough*

And also, Will being abused by Lonnie mention, but they last three lines? Its definitely a metaphor for his abuse and also all the upside down stuff goung down, while Mike beung the only one who nakes him feel safe and NOT A MISTAKE

Don't leave me hangin' alone again

I thought that i was your only friend

Oh, where'd you go, go?

Alley Rose

Oh, where'd you go, go, go?

This is the chorus which is repeating multiple times so I didn't mention it above. Everywhere i can see it as season 3 and season 4 pining bc Alley Rose (Mike) is gone.

AND THAT'S IT

God i hate them so much (affectionate)

They literally make me so sick

Anyway, conan is a byler and byler is endgame. Amen

[wizardnuke]

this is a lighthearted little informational about parasomnias (disruptive sleep-related disorders) that happen when you're falling asleep/waking up. because some of the tags on my exploding head syndrome poll are blowing my mind. more than the ehs does. i am not a doctor i am just parasomnias georg.

hypnagogic/hypnapompic hallucinations are hallucinations that happen when you're falling asleep/waking up. they can be visual, tactile, or auditory. i most often experience auditory hallucinations, and i hear footsteps and indistinct voices. a lot of people hear someone calling their name. when i was little, i had tactile hallucinations that felt like someone was touching/holding my hand. 70% of people experience hypnic hallucinations at least once, plenty of people experience them regularly, and they're completely harmless and they're also not a warning sign that you have or will develop any mental illnesses that involve hallucinations/psychosis.

hypnic jerks are that falling sensation you get as you're falling asleep. we know this one. it's harmless.

exploding head syndrome (or episodic sensory cranial shocks, which doesn't sound any better) happens when you hear a very loud sound (banging, crashing, gunshots, etc) as you're falling asleep/waking up. some people also experience visual/sensory effects (flashing lights or a popping sensation) with it. they're uncommon but once again, completely harmless despite the whole "feels like brain exploded" thing. ive recently learned that a lot of people only hear a sound/see lights and don't have a corresponding popping sensation in their head, which i am jealous of.

ehs is not the same as hypnic hallucinations - hypnic hallucinations can absolutely be startling/scary, but they don't have a jumpscare factor. if you hear someone whisper your name and it kind of wakes you up, that's a hypnic hallucination. if you hear someone scream your name and it makes you startle awake kind of like you would with a hypnic jerk, that's ehs.

hypnic hallucinations, hypnic jerks, and ehs are all exacerbated by stress, a lack of sleep, and medication use. i 100% have them more often when i'm stressed/overtired, and fairly recently i managed to triple-threat myself by starting a new medication and had like ten instances of hypnic jerks/ehs in one night. but that's okay! the brain does weird things when you're stressed and tired, and it often continues to do weird things even when you're not stressed and/or tired just because that in-between sleep/wake state is a weird liminal zone for your brain and sometimes it sets off the wrong signals. they're not a sign of underlying mental or physical illnesses! of course talk to a doc if your symptoms are concerning or getting in the way of sleeping, but. yeah. it's all good!

[thespermdonorstorylineisstupid]

all of us @ bi buck being canon

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[critterbutt]

fuck man. cirrus has been clouding my thoughts nonstop and it's starting to influence what media i consume

[pacdevil]

the desire to want to walk around my own home in just pants and underwear (no bra) is so overwhelming. i shouldn't need to have a flat chest to be able to do this....

[yoloyeahhh]

4 am yearning to soft hindi tracks >>>>>

[mae-i-scribble]

Random thoughts on the orv epilogue part 4/??? AKA: why I will forever believe orv ends happily.

You see a lot of different interpretations of what happens after that hospital door opens, and rightfully so since that’s literally what the authors intend for us to do as readers. After scrolling through all available pages of fanfic for kdj/yjh I noticed that you tend to see imaginings that lean towards that happy ending, even with struggles along the way. Every now and again you’ll see a sort of “bad ending” fic that just dives head first into that depressing what if of kdj never coming back, or coming back but never to be the same. While these are fine and dandy, power to those who write them, personally a happy ending where kdj does come back (if not whole nearly enough to say he truly is whole) and lives his life happily with everyone in the end just fits better with the emotional strokes of orv’s writing.

Orv is about a lot of things, its incredibly fast paced giving us a convoluted plot and numerous characters to meet and watch grow or impact the narrative, its a meta thematic novel on epic proportions. But to me, really and truly, orv is a story about love and is in it of itself a love letter to every story. From the get go orv is a celebrator of stories and their importance to people, the hope and love and power they give people. It’s a narrative paying homage to any and all narratives before it, for their flaws and their triumphs. Beyond stories though, orv is about the love between people, no matter what label is applied, involving each and every one of the cast.

It’s about how kdj, through all his bluster and unreliable narration, can barely remember what it is to give or receive love, or what it means to be genuine, that he’s left fumbling constantly, met with problems his emotional intelligence cannot parce out. About how jihye and the kids become a trio of their own, all them far too young in a world that has made them adults, and how jihye fights to preserve the small spark of innocence those kids have. About how when hyunsung has to save heewon from her own demon he says that he will bear her wrath on behalf of the world, even if it means literally melting as he pushes through her flames to cover her with his steel shields. It’s Jung Heewon falling into despair as kdj leaves her behind again and again because loving a person who values themselves so little is a wound that keeps on growing, pain made all the worse by the fact that kdj means none of it, and would rather nothing happen to heewon, and she knows this, but cannot accept it because that is what her love means. It’s Sangah sacrificing herself over and over again to get their group more information on the future, to protect them in kdj’s place and make sure they all survive. It’s the entire group coming together to teach the kids important skills. It’s kdj waiting at yjh’s bedside after the reveal of ways of survival, for the first time willing to lay everything out on the table and just *talk* to yjh. And when yjh leaves, kdj accepts yjh’s anger and is more than willing to take it all without fighting back until hsy steps in between them. It’s jang hayoung tells dokja that even if you can’t reach at other person, to try anyways, because even the act of reaching out has value, even if it isn’t seen, even if it isn’t heard until it’s too late, it matters. It’s how lee sookyung loved kdj with everything she had, and how that love hurt him more than anything else in the world. About how even when kdj doesn’t consider lee sookyung to be his mother, he still loves her and wants to understand her. It’s how the adoration han myungoh has for his daughter makes him a fundamentally different person. How hades protects persephone until his last breath while persephone plays the ode to their love.

About how kdj saw a world where everything was nearly perfect, everyone was happy even the people he couldn’t save, and couldn’t accept that world because it was one where yjh was unhappy. It’s about hsy taking one look, one fucking look at kdj in that hospital stretcher and realizing that no, he never was lying when he said that ways of survival saved him, and that in turn she had to do whatever it took to make sure he kept living, the world be damned. About how kdj dies at the hands of the person he loves most after fighting yjh over which one of them will be the one to save the other. It’s the way that the 999 round companions travel the worldlines all for the sake of meeting the man who loved them enough to sacrifice everything for them. About how yjh first reacts with betrayal and hurt after finding out that kdj had read about his life, asking kdj why, when yjh is right here in front of him, is kdj still reading. About how yjh then goes on to say that he is the only one who can pass judgement on kdj for enjoying ways of survival, and he has long since forgiven kdj because that is how kdj lived, and yjh accepts that part of him. It’s about how secretive plotter, upon meeting the oldest dream, reacts not with violence but with understanding, and he and the 999 rounds are finally able to be at peace because of it. It’s the way that countless people, not just kdj’s company, went back for another life because they all had things they loved and wanted to save.

It’s about the way that even as kdj is dooming himself to a life of endless dreaming, he wants the people he loves to be happy.

There’s so much love in this novel, such care and loving detail put into describing its many facets and complexities. My rambling here only scratched the moments that I remember most clearly, and even then it wasn’t all of my favorites. In a story so full of love that centers around a protagonist who cannot, for the life of him, even imagine himself living in such a world peacefully, of course I want him to have his happy ending.To love without sacrifice, to love mundanely, simply, and to have all the time in the world to learn what it means. And for his companions, who traveled time and space to bring him home and spent years grieving him, to finally get that chance as well.

Part 1| Part 2 | Part 3 | ... | Part 5 (upcoming)

[awakenthebeing]

Still find it extremely insane that Piepoe reblog like. Chain of more specific arts I made has over 2000 notes yall are actually so insane!!!! I am glad my silly fake peppino clone can be a ":)" mood to so many creatures. Bless...!!!!

[good-beans]

🌻

[notdeezy]

I am not getting emotional over our immune system.

I am not getting emotional over our immune system.

I am not getting emotional over our immune system.

I am not getting emotional over our immune system.

DAMMIT im emotional over our immune system :'(

[wellthatschaotic]

i want a cat so bad

[pekodayz]

at6am (i think it’s was 550 dont remember) i didnt realize it was morning (like morning morning) and dm’d moot and we started talking for an hour last thought i had was “haha yes reeal we gets it. im gonna send-“ i meant to send those sparkly mouse glitter things and fantage ough. birds chirping outside sunrising. phone in hand everything went black sleep