#im still absolutely gonna think about this too fucking much and make myself slightly miserable about it for no fucking reason lmfao

[kuiinncedes]

Friendly message to say sometimes it feels like you're the only one going through those hardship of speaking your mind but I promise you aren't. You should not be beating yourself up about it. Communication can be so hard and pressurized

<3333333333333

ur gonna make me cry again and this time my roommate is actually here lmfao

[artificialqueens]

Sleeping In The Hallway (Biadore) - Whiskey Neat

A/N: I’m back sooner than expected! I’m really trying to fill the list of like 30 prompts I’ve made for myself but I’ve been running quite low on motivation lately. I can’t promise my next fic will be out soon but I’ll always be around. Hope you enjoy this one!

Summary: Adore is drunk and Bianca is mad at her.

TW: vomit (nothing graphic)

Adore was in the middle of downing shots at the bar when her phone vibrated in her pocket. After messily reaching for it, the device slipped though her fingers, tumbling down to the floor.

“God I wish Bianca was here to pick this up for me” Adore thought as she stumbled off the stool and crouched down, feeling around on the sticky floor for her phone. “Where is Bianca anywa- oh fuck.” Adore panicked, as she picked up her phone and saw a text from Bianca on the screen.

Willow: Guess you’re not coming back tonight. Hope you had fun with all your FRIENDS!*insert alcoholic drink emojis*

“Bianf Im so sorey i come baxk noe” Adore typed out in a rush, slamming some random bills down on the counter before stumbling toward the exit of the bar.

On the short walk back to the hotel, Adore had time to put her thoughts together, as together as her drunken brain would let her, that is. How could she have lost track of time like this? She was supposed to meet Bianca back at their shared hotel room at midnight so they could spend some quality time together before they would have to part ways tomorrow. She checked her phone again. It was currently 2am. Another text from Bianca simply reading “Don’t bother.” also showed on the screen.

She really fucked up. Not only had she missed out on quality Bianca time, but once she reached the door of their room the realization hit her that she had also forgotten her room key.

After trying the handle, only to find it locked, Adore knocked a few times and waited. To her dismay, she was met with silence.

She tried knocking again to no avail.

“B?” She whispered, leaning against the door. “Can you let me in? I lost m’key.”

No response. By now, Adore was growing frustrated. Bianca had texted her less than 10 minutes before and she knew the older queen never fell asleep this fast, which could only mean one thing…she was ignoring her.

That assumption was very correct. Bianca was indeed still awake, listening to every word from where she was laying comfortably in their hotel bed. Was she being immature for not letting the younger queen in? Probably. But was she going to open the door for her at any point tonight? Absolutely not. If Adore wanted to be irresponsible and spend her night drinking instead of following through on their plans, then she could find her own place to sleep.

“I know you’re not fucking sleeping! Open the door!” Adore whisper-yelled, a bit too loudly. The alcohol in her system was quickly excelling her frustration to a level she didn’t know how to contain.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now!?” Adore continued, resorting to kicking the door with the toe of her sparkly doc marten boot.

After being met with more silence, angry tears started welling in her eyes.

“C’mon Bianca! This is my room too! You can’t just leave me out here!” Adore whined, voice breaking.

Silence.

“Don’t do this to me…” she sobbed, falling to her knees as her drunken state wouldn’t allow her to stand anymore.

After being met with silence yet again, Adore shifted to curl up on her side on the dirty hotel carpet, continuing to sob loudly.

A short while later, a familiar presence entered the hallway.

“Adore? What’s happened?” The Australian accent asked with worry.

Adore removed her hands from her mascara-streaked face and looked up to see Courtney kneeling in front of her.

“Bianca hates me!” she cried, sitting up and throwing her arms around Courtney.

“I’m sure that’s not true Adorm, why do you think that?” The blonde asked, rubbing her back.

“C-Cause she’s mad at me and she won’t let me in and I’m a fuck up and-and-“ Adore explained, working herself up into hysterics again.

“Hey, it’s okay….breathe….breathe…” Courtney coaxed, guiding the dark haired queen through some deep breaths.

“How bout you stay in my room tonight and we can deal with Bianca tomorrow, okay?” The Aussie offered, helping Adore stand up.

Adore nodded and wiped her nose, allowing Courtney to basically carry her down the hall to her room.

Once in the room, Courtney guided Adore to bed. After downing a bottle of water, Adore had passed out, leaving Courtney awake to send one simple text to Bianca.

“You’re babysitting this hangover in the morning. Not me.” She sent, attaching a picture of the sleeping queen next to her. With that, Courtney switched off the lamp and went to sleep.

*the next morning*

Adore could feel the nausea coming on before she was fully awake. She rolled over and groaned, trying to ignore it, fearing that her head might actually explode if she had to open her eyes to make a run for the bathroom.

She managed to drift off for about 5 more minutes before her stomach lurched dangerously and she absolutely HAD to get up and make that dreaded run for the bathroom.

Halfway through vomiting up all the alcohol she had consumed the night before, she felt a hand brushing her hair back and holding it out of her face.

When she was finished, Adore whimpered miserably, resting her forehead on the cool porcelain bowl, feeling awful and gross.

“You’re okay…” Said a gravely voice from behind her.

The voice didn’t belong to Courtney like she had expected. Instead she turned to see that it was Bianca who had been holding her hair back. Adore froze and fought back the urge to vomit again as the memory of last nights events came back to her.

“What are you doing here?” Adore croaked, feeling slightly embarrassed of how rough her voice sounded.

“Courtney told me you were here.”

“Yeah, but like what are you doing…here?” Adore asked, motioning to where they were seated on the bathroom floor.

“Helping you?” Bianca stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Thought you were mad at me…” Adore said, turning back towards the toilet as another wave of nausea came over her.

“Mad? No. Disappointed? Very.” Bianca replied, pulling Adore’s hair back once again.

“M’sorry….” Adore mumbled when she was finished.

“I just wanted to spend time with you. We’re not gonna see each other for what, 2 months after this?” Bianca admitted, handing Adore a bit of toilet paper to wipe her face with. “So when you stayed out to drink, something you can do on any other night, it was just really disappointing since we already had plans, you know?”

“I know…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I really did plan on coming back but then I lost track of time and-“ Adore cut herself off to clear her dry throat. “Can you get me some water please?” She asked with a pout.

Without a word, Bianca exited the bathroom and returned moments later with a bottle of water.

“Thanks” Adore told her, chugging half of it before continuing. “I lost track of time, and I know that’s a shitty excuse but I’d never do that to you on purpose. I’ve been trying to not drink so much lately but last night was just….yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Mistakes happen, I get it.” Bianca said, pulling Adore in against her side for a hug. Adore rested her head on the older queens shoulder and they sat like that for a bit.

“I can’t believe you were gonna make me sleep in the fucking hallway” Adore half-joked a few minutes later.

“I can.” Bianca deadpanned, holding back a laugh. The situation suddenly becoming funny now that everything was okay between them. “Now can we get off this floor? Courtney and I brought breakfast.”

“Only if you let me borrow your key so I can go brush my teeth.” Adore said with a smirk.

Bianca handed said item over to Adore. “You better not lose it. Otherwise we’ll both be sleeping in the hallway.”

[writingbakery]

Can I request a Bakugou scenario where he's got a soft spot for the reader and everyone teases him about it. On the day he wanted to confess he couldn't find them. But it's getting really late, almost curfew and the reader just comes in, an absolute mess. Somehow everything that could have possibly gone wrong in a day did, especially getting lost. And then they tried to avoid Bakugou because they didn't want him to see them being a hot mess because they like him too?

[of course bb anon! we all need soft katsuki in our lives 💓]

“Soft For You”

pairing —> katsuki bakugo x gender neutral!reader

genres —> fluff, light angst, mild pining

warnings —> cursing

to say that bakugo katsuki had a crush on you would be a slanderous, bullshit lie. a crush? pathetic. he didn’t do crushes, certainly not on loud, annoying pains in the ass like yourself. a crush. what a load of crap. no, bakugo didn’t consider what he felt for you to be a measly, half assed crush.

he’s pretty sure he’s in love with you.

it took a stupidly long and painful amount of time for the hotheaded blond to come to this realization, sleepless nights spent staring at the ceiling in his tiny dorm room, wondering what you were doing four doors and one hallway over. his palms sweat tenfold whenever he’s near you, fingertips sparkling with uncharacteristic nerves - he’d nearly lit the new curtains in the common room aflame because you’d smiled at him sweet, soft all the way to your eyes.

pathetic.

he couldn’t even control his quirk around you, let alone his racing heart and mind. he hated feeling like this, so completely out of control, unable to focus on anything that wasn’t your laugh, the way your eyes scrunched up when you were concentrating, how your nose twitched right before you smiled-

yeah, he’s got it bad. and he’s going to do something about it before it eats him alive. or before kirishima and sero die by his hand.

the pair were relentless in their teasing of him, always right at his heels everytime he so much as breathed in your direction. sero was particularly fond of leaving tape hearts with both of your initials on all of his training shit and notebooks, a sly wink shot bakugo’s way every time he found another “tape-sterpiece”.

the lanky bastard’s just lucky he runs fast.

kirishima is at least a bit more helpful, trying to coax bakugo into spending more time with you - he’ll ask you both to study and then mysteriously disappear, or invite the group to dinner and send the two of you to the wrong restaurant accidentally.

he’s trying to be a good wingman. bakugo still wants to drown him in a shallow pond.

no matter what he tries, however, you still seem as hopelessly oblivious to his feelings as you did when you started at U.A, and he’s slowly starting to lose his mind. he pulled out your chair at dinner, paid, let you borrow his limited edition engraved metal all might pen when you’d studied together - nothing.

so he’s doing something about it, once and for all.

the night before, he’s up till the sun rises trying to write a letter that doesn’t make him seem like the lovesick little bitch he is, tying it hastily to a bouquet of flowers and making sure no one touched the brownies he’d made you in the fridge. he’s a mess and he knows it, crimson eyes near bloodshot and his temper even worse. kaminari nearly loses a hand trying to steal a brownie, and mina has to drag everyone away from bakugo’s personal space as he waits for you after classes are over. he saw you during them but barely, only flashes as you raced from place to place - just his luck that the one day he needs you, you’re everywhere but pestering him.

back at the dorms he’s wearing a hole in the carpet of the common area, pacing and stressing and pacing and stressing - he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you all fucking day, and the nerves are snapping his resolve. everyone else is giving him a wide berth - mineta sneezed in the kitchen and bakugo already had a palmful of explosives ready to launch right at his face.

it’s not till nearly curfew that you stumble into the dorms, soaking wet and looking more miserable than he’d ever seen you. today had absolutely not been your day in the slightest, rushing from one exam to the next that you weren’t feeling very confident on. aizawa had given you extra time to finish, but then ordered you to do double training in exchange - your poor legs could barely hold you up, and you were a sweaty mess under your uniform. to ice the misery cake of your terrible day, it had started pouring on the way back to the dorms, and you were too tired to run through it. instead, you had trudged sadly through the awful weather, finally making your way into the common room and face to face with the one person you really didn’t want seeing you like this - bakugo katsuki, the boy you were head over heels for.

immediately you duck into the kitchen, offering a hasty wave to the fed up blond as you desperately try to avoid him - you looked like absolute garbage, you couldn’t have him seeing you like this. but clearly, bakugo has other plans, one burning hot hand reaching out to yank you back by the elbow.

“like fucking hell im gonna let you run off again, (y/n)! what the hell, dumbass! i’ve been trying to talk to you all damn day!” he growls, and for a second you think your day’s gonna go from bad to worse - an angry bakugo was a normal one, but a sleep deprived, raging one? you mentally hoped momo would pick nice floral arrangements for your funeral.

instead, he lets go of your arm to shove the half singed bouquet and letter into your hands, shifting awkwardly in front of you as he waited for your reaction. open mouthed and completely confused, you pry open the burnt letter carefully, attempting to read past the char marks and his rough handwriting.

clearly you’re not moving fast enough for him, an irritated groan escaping him as he runs his hands through his disheveled hair. “i like you, idiot! i’ve liked you for a long fuckin’ time! so i’d appreciate it if you would just hurry up an-“

you cut off his angry rambling by placing both hands on his chest, tiptoeing up slightly to press a kiss to his lips. they’re warm like you’d thought they’d be, soft and gentle against yours - you’ve caught him off guard for once. pulling away a little shyly, you hug the burnt flowers to your chest. “i’ve sort of wanted to do that for a while,” you admit, a flush to your cheeks. “dinner tomorrow? we can go to that one place you like.”

for a good minute he’s completely silent, mouth opening and closing a few times as though you’ve completely reset his brain.

error 404, bakugo katsuki not found, send assistance, backup requested-

and then he’s pulling forward by the waist, pressing his lips against yours with a rough sort of urgency that leaves you breathless.

“dinner tomorrow. but we’re going to that cafe you like, idiot,” he says quietly as he pulls away, a hint of red tinging his cheeks.

you can’t find it in you to complain.

[i made myself laugh with “tape-sterpiece! feedback is always welcomed, i hope you enjoyed this lil scenario!💓]

[queenofthefullmoon]

An exhaustive list of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin bosses I would or would not date

The Last Giant

Listen… The Last Giant has No Face. I like dating people who have faces. Also, his arms detach and he’s like, at least 10 meters taller than me, so I think that would be a hazard. I think he’s more in need of a friend than a romantic partner. I’d gladly sit down with him and discuss his feelings, but we are not meant to date.

The Pursuer

The Pursuer is great because he’s just so… Rotund. He’s shaped like a friend. Or maybe… More than a friend… He’s got a biggass sword that glows blue, which is great if you need to get up at night to get water or a snack, and a big shield he can use to protect you from the hot Drangleic sun when you’re on a date. You never have to worry about losing him because HE WILL FIND YOU. I think he’s a catch.

Dragonrider

He almost didn’t make it in the list of bosses I would date, but encountering him so often made me have a soft spot for him. Plus he’s a little bit round and I’ve gotta say. Rotundness is where it’s at. He’s fun to fight so I feel like you could have some fun jousts together and then chill… And go, like, I don’t know, ride dragons*? Fun couple activities.

*although dragonrider is his name I’m not sure we saw any dragonrider ride a dragon so this is a shot in the dark

Old Dragonslayer

The Old Dragonslayer has a very sexy armor, I’ll give him that, but he 1. Has a furry mask (a terrible fashion faux pas that I cannot forgive) 2. Is just sitting in the Cathedral of Blue while a DRAGON is outside, unslayed, which says something about the quality of his work. I had to kill the dragon myself, while the Old Dragonslayer was sitting around… Being old, I guess. Not for me.

Flexile Sentry

DISGUSTING AND WRONG.

Ruin Sentinel

The Ruin Sentinels are arguably the sexiest armor bosses in all of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin. Something about these long lads and their eldritch identities and behaviors just tickles me the right way. The shape of their helmets looks a little bit like a turtle which gives them just enough cuteness while not taking away from the fact that I’m absolutely terrified of them and that they are in fact very scary (which is good). They’re also very tall which means they can carry me around and make me feel tall too. Definitely a good thing in a partner.

Belfry Gargoyles

I wouldn’t date the Belfry Gargoyles, but I’d be friends with them. I feel like they’d be fun at a sleepover. Girl’s night! Girl’s night!

Lost Sinner

I’d date the Lost Sinner. It might be a little bit controversial because yes she is a little bit nasty, I’m aware of that, but I think she just needs a little bit of company. I don’t want to change her, I love her right like she is, but if she wants me to teach her how to shower, I might just do it! I am a little bit biased because she’s got a big sword that looks really cool? Perhaps.

Executioner’s Chariot

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Skeleton Lords

I think the Skeleton Lords are neat but I don’t really see myself dating them. Firstly, I’m not a skeleton fucker, so that puts a little bit of distance between us (given that they are in fact skeletons). They also have an army of skeleton children, which I’m just not ready to raise. I’m trying to find a date, not to become a skeleton mom. I feel like we’d be great friends though, I’d probably invite them over so they can practice their standup routine at my house while they leave their 30 skeletons children with the babysitter and we can like drink wine or something.

Covetous Demon

I would not date the Covetous Demon, but I would keep him as a mean dog in my yard to discourage my enemies from entering my property.

Baneful Queen Mytha

I’d be all here for the sniddies if Mytha kept her head on her neck but alas she is headless. 

Smelter Demon

Mh… Yes. He’s big and large and he’s got horns. He could put me up on his shoulder and walk around and I’d be warm up there. Sounds like nothing but a good time.

Old Iron King

Ngghghhh….. I wanna say no but he is Ripped… Absolutely jacked! I’m also a hoe for horns and wings! What can I say. Call me out if I ever make fun of scalies again? (im gonna do that like in a few paragraphs anyway)

Scorpioness Najka

Given the fact that her own fiancé, made miserable by her, asks you to murder her, I don’t think Najka is a fine romantic partner. In addition to that, even though I was here for sniddies, scorpions are scary and gross me out, so no, I would not date Scorpioness Najka.

The Duke’s Dear Freja

She’ll remain dear to the Duke only and she is NOT invited in my yard.

Royal Rat Authority

Wouldn’t date the big rat that makes all of the rules, but similarly to the Covetous Demon, having him on my property to scare people away would be pretty neat.

Prowling Magus and The Congregation

Prowling Magus has a SICK aesthetic I can absolutely get behind (« look at my cool sorcerer boyfriend wearing his goat helmet ») and I’ve stated before I Am a Hoe for horns so we could have something going on.

The Congregation is however BANNED from this house so since they’re probably his buddies that would most likely be a point of tension. Ultimately it might be better for me to keep a platonic relationship with Prowling Magus, as I do not want hollows to crawl on my floor when he invites his friends over.

The Rotten

Oh no lol

Looking Glass Knight

NNNYES absolutely I would date the Looking Glass Knight. He’s not only really cool looking and a Very Dramatic Man (standing in the rain when you meet him… the scenery… the atmosphere… he knows how to make an entrance), but he’d also be a great person to bring with you for a night out.

Exhibit A: he’s really fucking tall and scary which would dissuade anyone from approaching you uninvited

Exhibit B : he carries a FULL BODY mirror around everywhere which means you can fix your hair and/or makeup at any time without needing a shitty pocket mirror or going to the bathroom

Exhibit C : if you need help he can summon a limitless amount of people through his mirror

Just a great partner all around.

Demon of Song

Ohhhhhh noooooo Lord nooooooooooooooo please! Please spare me

Velstadt, the Royal Aegis

Velstadt is very loyal (a real man for following Vendrick all the way to the Undead Crypt) and he’s also very tall, very large, very strong, and very stylish (see the scales cape he wears). I would’ve put him at the top of the date list, but he’s no dating material — he’s husband material. A little downside is that he might put his job before me but I get it. It’s career before everything. I will not limit my husband’s ambitions.

King Vendrick

Vendrick is taken by an eldritch entity and still very much in love with her despite the fact that she destroyed his kingdom and brought the entire civilization down and also caused him to become a war criminal and kill a pacific race of giants all on his own like a big boy so I’m not very interested in him.

Guardian Dragon & Ancient Dragon

I’m putting them together because they essentially boil down to the same thing : I’d offer them a home but I wouldn’t date them. The Guardian Dragon can stay outside and be feral with everyone else that I put in the yard, while the Ancient Dragon can have his own room and like is invited for tea sometimes, but that’s all.

Giant Lord

See Last Giant

Throne Defender & Watcher

I’m a little bit torn on this one because I’m experiencing bisexual panic. We’ve got cool large dude with a beard ; cool slender lady that jumps around everywhere ; they could both beat me up and they both look hot, help me. However, I have to say if I had to pick I’d got with the Throne Watcher because she is hot and looks slightly cooler. I’ve always wanted a very tall wife who could suplex me into the sun, which she could do in a heartbeat.

On the other hand, they do look like a power couple that I’d love to have for dinner and I’d hate to break them up while there are so many fish in the sea and they look so great with each other.

Nashandra

Human Nashandra looks pretty and soft, however anyone who witnessed my first blind playthrough of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin will tell you that she did not have me fooled and I was very wary of her from the beginning. Anyone who has witnessed my first fight with her looking very skeletal will also tell you that I screamed « WHAT IS THAT » for at least 5 minutes, so that probably gives you an idea of if I’d date her or not.

Also, her weapon of choice is a scythe, which looks cool, but is very unpractical, and just for this fatal mistake, she becomes undatable.

Darklurker

Wings… Four arms = twice the hugs… Cool hood… Yes…

Elana the Squalid Queen

She’s nasty and told me I was undeserving of the mire, which is pretty mean of her. Even if she thinks it, she could at least be nice about it. I would not date her.

Sinh the Slumbering Dragon

Sinh is BANNED from this house because he’s not just feral, he’s RABID and POISONOUS and if I let him live in the yard he could poison my entire property and I do not want that.

Fume Knight

Alas! The Fume Knight looks really cool and has a pretty sexy armor, but tales say that he was infatuated with another woman (whether he met her when she was already an Ashen Idol or not remains a mystery but I’m no one to judge his taste in women). I respect people’s crushes so I will let him be in love with whoever he fancies and they may come over for dinner, as long as they behave.

Aava, Lud and Zallen, the King’s pet

They are very welcome to live in the yard. They may come inside the house, but they are not allowed on the couch.

Burnt Ivory King

No… He loved his wife very much… I’d invite them over for dinner and MAYBE try to seduce one of his knights (they have sexy armors, what can I say).

Aldia, Scholar of the First Sin

Aldia is a weird dude and I wouldn’t feel safe around him. I think he’d probably kidnap me while I’m asleep and go do some experiments on me in his cursed mansion. It’s a no from me chief. Not to mention the fact that he’s a… tree?

Afflicted Graverobber, Ancient Soldier Varg, and Cerah the Old Explorer

I wouldn’t date them, even though their armors are pretty sexy, simply because they seem like a good group of friends and I wouldn’t feel comfortable inserting myself in the group. I think I’d even be too shy to befriend them, but if they wanna come by my house and have a good time, they’re welcome to do so.

Blue Smelter Demon

See Smelter Demon, but with more vigor because this one is blue.

Sir Alonne

Yeah… he’s got the eldritch factor that I like in the Ruin Sentinels while also seeming more human and he’s also a pretty stylish man. I feel like he’s one of the strongest contestants in the game and he wouldn’t mind my long nose, as he’s got one himself. Pretty sexy armor and he is a man of honor. Definitely a yes.

[filthytabloid]

TG: i really

TG: dont want to be alone?

TG: i dont have any friends karkat

CG: DAVE.

CG: I AM YOUR FRIEND.

TG: hes all i have

CG: THAT’S NOT EVEN REMOTELY A TRUE THING.

TG: it is

CG: I MEAN I MIGHT NOT COUNT BECAUSE I’M MORTAL.

CG: SO IF YOU’RE GOING SUPER CATASTROPHIZING BIG PICTURE THEN YEAH I’M NOT GONNA BE AROUND FOREVER.

CG: BUT ROSE AND JADE EXIST, DUDE.

CG: THEY ARE ALSO FUNCTIONALLY IMMORTAL.

TG: they dont talk to me any more

TG: ive invited them over a few times

TG: john gets like

TG: jealous

CG: JOHN GETS JEALOUS.

CG: OF YOU TALKING TO ROSE AND JADE.

TG: he

TG: kind of has meltdowns whenever i pay attention to anyone thats not him

TG: but he cant help it

TG: i mean i can understand being insecure im trying to be sympathetic

CG: WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE MELTDOWNS?

TG: he just gets really cold and angry at me

TG: doesnt talk to me

TG: id prefer he talk to me

TG: so i dont talk to anyone else so hell keep talking to me

CG: DOES HE HAVE OTHER FRIENDS? PEOPLE HE TALKS TO OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP?

TG: yeah

TG: mostly other versions of me

TG: which feels great by the way i love it when he does that

TG: i guess im a jealous asshole too

CG: OK, LISTEN.

CG: IF I SAY SOMETHING WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO FLIP OUT.

TG: can i remain perched on the handle even if i dont pirouette

CG: YEAH, THAT WORKS.

CG: ALRIGHT HERE’S THE THING.

CG: TAKE A DEEP BREATH:

CG: JOHN HAS ISSUES.

TG: no fuckin duh 

TG: dont we all

CG: UH, NO.

CG: NOT THE KIND OF ISSUES YOU ARE DESCRIBING, NO.

TG: obviously we cant all have the same issues

TG: but we all do have issues

CG: GETTING COLD AND ANGRY DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A MELTDOWN AT ALL IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT IS VERY EASILY CONTROLLED.

TG: ok maybe i am the one having meltdowns

CG: WHEN HE’S UPSET BECAUSE YOU TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE DOES HE ACT COLD AND ANGRY TOWARD EVERYONE HE TALKS TO?

CG: OR JUST YOU?

TG: just me

CG: OKAY, SEE, THEN IT’S SOMETHING HE CAN HELP.

CG: IF IT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF HIS CONTROL THEN IT WOULDN’T BE DIRECTED AT A SPECIFIC PERSON.

TG: what if its out of his control because its our relationship though

TG: its kinda different from everything else isnt it??

TG: so

CG: I KIND OF FEEL LIKE YOU’RE REACHING.

CG: THERE ARE WAYS FOR HIM TO LET YOU KNOW HE’S UPSET WITHOUT BEING A FROTHING DOUCHENOZZLE.

CG: SEE: TALKING ABOUT THINGS.

CG: I MEAN EVEN IF HE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT IT I’D STILL SAY HE HAS ISSUES BECAUSE BEING THAT FANATICALLY JEALOUS IS KIND OF. UH.

CG: BUT AT LEAST IT’S BETTER THAN BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!

TG: we do kind of talk about it

TG: and like when we talk about it we seem to reach amicable agreements about what needs to be better

CG: SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS AGREE NEEDS TO BE BETTER?

TG: uh

TG: great this is gonna sound shit

TG: that i just need to remember he loves me and that as long as hes here im not alone

CG: …

TG: a lot of agreements about mental actions i need to be taking but not really any other actionable items

CG: OK I NEED TO SAY ANOTHER THING THAT MIGHT FREAK YOU OUT.

TG: im kneading my temples

TG: what

CG: REST ASSURED I’M ALSO KNEADING MY TEMPLES.

CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE’S ABUSING YOU.

TG: oh fgudjfg

TG: no

TG: no he isnt

CG: DAVE

CG: BREATHE

CG: OK?

TG: no

CG: I COULD BE WRONG, I AM JUST GIVING YOU THE IMPRESSION I HAVE RIGHT NOW.

TG: thats not even remotely whats happening here you cant say that

TG: yeah

CG: OKAY.

TG: you dont know what were like

TG: he leaves me really sweet notes

TG: he buys me flowers

TG: he tells me nice things

CG: I AM STILL ABSOLUTELY NOT CONTESTING THAT YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTHER.

CG: OKAY?

TG: ok

CG: I’M JUST SAYING THAT A LOT OF THIS IS REALLY WORRYING.

CG: AND I GET THAT IT’S HARD TO SEE THAT IT’S WORRYING OR WHY IT’S WORRYING SINCE YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT RIGHT NOW.

CG: SO I’M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT I’M SEEING. AND YOU’RE RIGHT THAT I AM NOT IN THE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP, SO MY IMPRESSION OF IT *MIGHT* BE SKEWED.

CG: PLEASE DON’T SHUT DOWN ON ME.

TG: ok i

TG: i wont 

TG: im still present

TG: what if this is the best i deserve though

CG: IT’S NOT.

TG: it is

TG: i should be happy i even get this

TG: i should be happy to be alive

CG: THAT’S RATIONALIZING.

TG: i think im really just ungrateful

CG: I AM PRETTY SURE THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM.

TG: look maybe i do deserve this in all honesty maybe taking care of john even as he trains for the self-destruction olympics is how i can prove my worth to this world

TG: whos going to do it if not me??

TG: its not abusive if i can choose to leave at any time

CG: DRAGS MY HANDS DOWN MY FACE

CG: THAT’S ALSO NOT EVEN A TRUE THING

CG: AND BESIDES IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU CAN’T CHOOSE TO LEAVE!

CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE CUT OFF FROM ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!

CG: AND COMMUNICATION WITH ANYONE WHO ISN’T HIM!

CG: YOU’RE COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON HIM FOR COMFORT AND SAFETY AND SANITY SO OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO CONSIDER LEAVING AN OPTION.

TG: ok um fuck

TG: lets not zoom out so much

CG: ZOOM OUT.

TG: theres nothing i can do about

TG: well

TG: i just

TG: i want to make this work can we please just focus on how i can make this livable

CG: YOU NEED TO TELL JOHN THAT YOU’RE UNHAPPY AND WHY YOU’RE UNHAPPY.

CG: AND IF YOU FEEL UNSAFE DOING THAT THEN YOU NEED TO DO IT WITH A MEDIATOR THERE.

CG: AND YOU NEED TO FIND OUT IF HE’S WILLING TO LET GO OF HIS HANGUPS AND CHANGE OR NOT.

TG: i cant

TG: you just have to give me some jedi mindtricks to play on myself so im not as affected when things dont go my way ok

CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE ALL THE RELATIONSHIP TALKS YOU’VE BEEN HAVING HAVE BEEN ABOUT *HIS* ISSUES WITH *YOU*

CG: AND IT’S WELL AND GOOD THAT HE FEELS COMFORTABLE EXPLAINING THE THINGS THAT MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE

CG: BUT THAT HAS TO BE A TWO WAY STREET.

CG: BOTH PARTIES NEED TO BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE.

TG: i cant 

TG: i cant do that

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: LET ME GIVE THIS TO YOU STRAIGHT.

CG: THIS DYNAMIC CANNOT CONTINUE AS IT IS.

CG: THE RELATIONSHIP EITHER NEEDS TO END OR JOHN NEEDS TO BE WILLING TO FIX HIS END OF THINGS.

TG: karkat i cant tell him that i am unhappy

CG: DAVE.

TG: i have in the past

CG: THERE IS NO COMBINATION OF WORDS YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF THAT’S GOING TO RATIONALIZE ALL OF THIS SO HARD THAT IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

CG: YOU CAN KEEP LYING TO YOURSELF AND IT’S GOING TO KEEP MAKING YOU FEEL FUCKING MISERABLE.

CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO WONDER WHAT YOU’RE DOING WRONG WHEN YOU’RE PUTTING SO MUCH INTO THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU STILL FEEL SO SHITTY ABOUT IT.

CG: AND HIS BEHAVIOR IS STILL GOING TO HURT YOU BECAUSE HE’S NOT TREATING YOU FAIRLY.

CG: AND THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE GOING TO RATIONALIZE HIS BEHAVIOR IS IF YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU DESERVE IT.

CG: AND THAT’S GOING TO MAKE YOU CONTINUE FEELING LIKE A GARBAGE DUMP.

CG: SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE. YOU’VE CLEARLY TRIED RATIONALIZING ALREADY AND IT’S NOT WORKING OUT.

TG: karkat i cant talk to him about it and i need you to not make what im about to say a big deal because its not

TG: i have tried to talk to him about it before and he socked me in the face and

TG: told me i was

TG: i guess it doesnt matter

TG: but as long as i dont bring it up he wont hit me i need a solution that doesnt involve talking about how unhappy i am

CG: YOU NEED TO GET OUT.

TG: no

CG: NO DAVE I’M DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS.

TG: hes the only thing in this shitty world that makes me happy

CG: COME STAY WITH ME FOR A BIT.

TG: i cant

TG: he might need me

CG: OF COURSE YOU CAN. I HAVE SPACE.

TG: no karkat please listen to me

TG: i cant leave because hes the only person in the whole world that makes me feel okay

CG: DAVE

CG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE FOREVER.

TG: i dont want him to hate me hes my boyfriend

CG: OR CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

CG: JUST COME STAY WITH ME FOR A WEEK OR TWO.

CG: GET SOME SPACE TO BREATHE FOR A BIT.

TG: i dont want to be a burden on you

CG: YOU WON’T BE.

TG: how on earth could i not be

CG: YOU’RE GOOD COMPANY AND SLIGHTLY LOWER MAINTENANCE THAN A CAT.

TG: i dont know how to tell john id be staying with you

TG: he might break up with me if i do

CG: I CAN TELL HIM IF YOU WANT.

TG: …

TG: ok

CG: OKAY.

CG: I’LL GET THE COUCH PULLED OUT SO YOU HAVE A PLACE TO SLEEP.

TG: fuck

TG: karkat i cant hes really mentally ill

TG: i have to be there for him

CG: YOU WILL HAVE YOUR PHONE.

CG: IF THERE’S AN EMERGENCY HE’LL BE ABLE TO CONTACT YOU.

CG: AND IF YOU NEED TO GO HOME I WILL COME WITH YOU.

CG: I’M INSERTING MYSELF AS THE MEDIATOR. THAT JUST HAPPENED.

TG: no no no oh god that is literally the exact definition of a burden

TG: i dont want to be that

CG: LITERALLY NOT BURDENING ME.

TG: im sorry for bothering you i gotta go ttyl

CG: IF IT WAS A PROBLEM I WOULDN’T DO IT.

CG: DAVE

CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE GET BACK HERE

CG: WHAT YOU’RE FAILING TO REMEMBER IS HOW MUCH I LOVE MEDDLING IN PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS GOD DAMMIT YOU ASSHOLE YOU DIDN’T BOTHER ME AT ALL I SWEAR TO GOD

TG: you promise

TG: that this isnt some massive inconvenience to you and you dont hate me

CG: I SWEAR ON TROLL WILL SMITH.

CG: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THIS ABOUT ME OR NOT, BUT I’M PRETTY FORWARD ABOUT HATING PEOPLE.

TG: hate me in a platonic despising way not a you wanna bang me way

CG: I DON’T HATE YOU IN EITHER A PLATONIC OR A ROMANTIC WAY.

CG: YOU WOULD KNOW IF I DID.

TG: ok

[wandering-bitch]

Annotations on Falling in Love with Love (Again)

FiLwL(A) is my 3zun cinderella which is actually just about the importance of qin su and also reuniting with your exes. Here’s my behind the scenes/notes/lore for chapters 9-11. 

ch 9: nie mingjue being hot

i wrote this before i’d even written the Murder in ch 6;;;;; i just love nie mingjue

i so deeply believe in nie mingjue being smart and able to see through meng yao because he’s straightforward and strategic. 

“hmm” i said to myself. “how do i write the bois getting together??” after much thought i decided on “by stabbing one of them a bunch”

bits of this are still funny to me. rip meng yao sometimes you gotta be up close and personal with a hot dude’s bare sweaty chest 

also my version of “romantic and sensual” is just “doing math and deciding yeah, against your better judgement, you’re gonna smooch” because i love an overthinking murder twink

“on the bright side, the late-night guest was not jin guangshan’s type. unfortunately he was exactly meng yao’s type: nie mingjue” i can’t believe i let myself write this, bc it feels way too modern, but also the tone of this fic is just sarcastic enough that modern grouchy shit works 

ever since i discovered that camel was a delicacy in tang china i became OBSESSED with it. i nearly included it in ‘i have always loved the door’ and it makes an appearance in ‘blood in the cut’

the guan reappears!! or at least is mentioned.in case u forgot it from chapter 1 it is Definitely Not A Glass Slipper Or Anything

“i love ruining a twink’s life” i said in the author’s notes. i was not lying. my hobbies are making nie mingjue look cool and making jin guangyao suffer.

“xichen was disappointed when he didn’t see you there” “and you of course, weren’t” “on the contrary i was happy to see you” is one of the exchanges that was like. core to this fic. similar to “i met someone” “i don’t know what you want me to say to that” “neither do i”

when outlining fics i tend to include some key dialogue/exchanges that strike me as the Mood TM and half the time these exchanges go through incredible rewrites or just get deleted, but it’s always nice to see them survive

the xiangqi was so much fun to write, not bc i have played the game a bunch (i haven’t) but bc it gave me a fun way to talk about the conversation without talking about the conversation.

“a controlled leak qould have been very useful” makes me so happy it’s such a MOOD and nie mingjue immediately going heart-eyes over it is complete wish fulfillment. when will a hot sword lesbian be enamored over my ruthless scheming???? im taking sword lesbian gf applications over in my ask box

“But it hadn’t been easy” this paragraph originally included “Nie Mingjue had broadened his moral compass, and Meng Yao had learned to trust” or something but i couldn’t  really figure out how meng yao would describe his own personal growth since he left qinghe. like he DID grow he DID learn that he can trust the people he loves to trust him and that it’s worth bringing people in on your schemes and plans.... but he’s too dumb to describe this. 

the xiyao troll’s comment on this was “LMFAO that oocness from both meng yao and nmj where nmj is suddenly JGY levels of cunning and JGY is dumb enough to make mistakes XD”

this has stuck with me so hard

how do you read Falling in Love with Love and only discover after 16k words that i think meng yao makes mistakes?????

how do u consume any adaptation of mdzs and think that nmj isn’t smart enough to go “huh that cunning twink who is absolutely mooning over me and xichen and also plays weiqi like my old buddy seems REAL FUCKING FAMILIAR” nmj canonically sees thru jgy machinations all the time

anyway i love nmj and the xiyao troll

did you know there’s an exchange to celebrate the troll’s works??? i discovered it after signups closed but im going to enjoy reading all of them

ch 10: and with very little trouble

this took me like a month to write oops but that’s just because a lot has to happen

the opening where meng yao is being mean to qin su was so hard to write. meng yao getting overworked?? fine. meng yao getting abused??? cool. meng yao being slightly short with his sister, who is in no way hurt by this bc she can tell it’s not about her??? HORRIBLE!!!

the detective scene happened. there’s not a lot to say about it, i don’t think, except to note that han meilin did try to stand up for qin su

ch 11: impossible things are happening every day

cinderella time mother fuckers!!! this is another one that took time!!

ch 10 took time bc i wasn’t 100% sure how it would play out

this took time bc even though i knew exactly what would happen and how, it has to be Real Good, y’know? it’s tying up the entire fic. if these 2k words don’t work, then the rest of the fic will feel less good and ppl won’t come back to it

(please everyone come back to this over and over if only to laugh at my obvious qin su agenda)

qin su and meng yao fighting over who gets to take the fall for their joint murder. i love them.

i wasn’t planning for this fic to start the sunshot campaign but here we are. in the war. 

How did this version of the sunshot campaign go? Well. not good. because someone has no reason to invent necromancy. But not as poorly as you’d think. Jiang Sect isn’t destroyed, and the Cloud Recesses are functional (although not at full capacity), so they have more strength on hand. Plus, Meng Yao encouraged Koi Tower to funnel money and resources into the Qin Sect, specifically so if the war started before he expected it to (whoops!!! it did!!!!), those resources would be somewhere he could encourage to fight. 

on the one hand, the sunshot campaign’s territory is divided in half by the wens. on the other hand, that means the wens are fighting on both the northern and southern border (since, again, jiang sect is still alive)

anyway i’d say it’s a more steady war, as opposed to my recollection of canon where like. everyone’s fucking miserable until our sexy goth boi comes out with his corpses and wrecks shop. 

then han meilin and qin su look at their families and say “if you do not let us marry right now in a way that combines our sects equally...... we will just do it anyway.” 

(meng yao in the background, holding a thin knife: fucking try me. try me. i want you to be mean to my sister just so i can stab you with my knives.)

anyway it’s time for the epilogue where meng yao is vice general and there is no more wen sect

(have i thought about the dafan wens in this ‘verse? no. i probably should not, either, as wwx would be less ride-or-die for them and that means maybe wen qing and wen ning would die in a war camp)

never mind!!! happy thoughts only!!!! like how qin su and meng yao are getting ready to kill again bc they are the bi crime sibling club!!!! 

jin zixuan is invited to family brunch but he’s never invited to bi crime sibling club because qin su and meng yao refuse to let him lose his innocence. 

“ge, jie, i’m married with children, i don’t have any innocence to lose--” “oh didi, precious baby, our infant brother, shining beacon of our heart...”

mo xuanyu is also forbidden from joining bi crime club. he’s too baby. 

they do discover other jin bastards and invite them to lunch and sure, there might eventually be another bi criminal.

3zun visits each other in 2 month chunks, with one to two month breaks as needed. so the epilogue is the beginning of 2 months hanging out in meng yao’s house, and then later in the year they’ll hang out in the cloud recesses or whatever

qin su and meng yao both have secret lists of places to acquire babies for each other. han meilin knows about both of these lists and laughs every time she sees the same orphanages on both lists.

the final comment from the xiyao troll on this was: “Interesting choice to write a bland ooc AU, but I guess this is all you can manage with your writing skill. ;) This way you don't have to worry about JGY lying to Xichen for years, murdering NMJ, attempting to murder Xichen's family in the second siege, stealing secrets from the Lan sect, corrupting a healing song Xichen trusted him with, and fully betraying LXC's and NMJ's trust.”

like. yeah. of course i sidestepped the bad things. that’s what a fix-it au is for. it’s where i say “here’s an alternate universe, where certain bad things do not happen.” it’s where i say “if meng yao had always had qin su around to counteract the messaging his mother gave him, he might not have gone so far in his quest for power”. duh. 

also like kiddo, troll, friend. the pitch for this fic is “cinderella except with murder and qin su rights”. i’ve been clear from the top that this is an Indulgent Fic with No Pretenses of Quality. im proud of some sentences and passages, but this ain’t Blood In The Cut where im tryna Say something or either of my jiang cheng-centric fics where im focusing on good characterization. 

it’s a cozy murder where qin su gets to live and have a cool wife