#im still so close to him i spent so long rebuilding this relationship | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

straighttohellbuddy · 3 years

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📓 !!

Okay im so excited please know I think about How The Light Gets In's world every day still, and so anyways here is a side story I want to write but there's a lot of set up regarding the reader and eef becoming friends again. For context, they were incredibly close around 2014-2017, but people were getting creepy and invasive and demanding about their friendship (think 2012 toxic side of the Phandom, if that makes sense), and a lot of the reader's relationships were strained at that time because while they had been successful before, they were absolutely blowing up after their first album released and they became far more mainstream. They felt like they were bothering the people they had become closest to, both because they're worried that they're a bother, and because gossip rags and paps would harrass their friends looking for a scoop, and so they ended up just completely cutting off contact without warning one day right before they went on their first tour. the start of HTLGI is about 3 years since they'd been in proper contact with any of the creators they were close to at that time.

DON'T LOOK AT ME on their 2017 ep Hyperfocus was a more general song in response to everything that had been happening in their life around that time, with a focus on how they stop associating with anyone for a while, without outright addressing it, but on their latest album n o s t a l g i a, read at 5am ft. Troye was specifically written at the start of quarantine, when the reader was getting back into YouTube, about their feelings regarding how their friendship with ethan ended, as they spent a lot of this time looking back of their YouTube career, and he was the person they were closest to for a very long time, before they iced everyone out.

OKAY SO THERES MORE OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WHOLE FIC AND THE READER BUT

Werewolf Ethan & Mark. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. They have golden retriever energy you cannot change my mind. But also because this is the HTLGI you know that supernatural characteristics are able to be activated rather than just triggered by the full moon. What I'm trying to say is since this is set in the year of Unus Annus, they film a video together that's like, you know that show where a person has to try and outwit a professional tracker? Except its the reader being tracked by two werewolves at night in a national park. Reader is wearing some sort of night vision camera on themselves so whenever it cuts to them the audience can't actually see how they're using their powers, if that makes sense.

Also the reader agreed to this knowing it would probably be when they ended up telling Mark and Ethan about them being a demon.

Video is titled Hunting Down An Old Friend

A few Moments that the boys edit out:

The reader using their stupidly sharp prehensile tail to swing from tree branches, though they leave in shots where the reader's tail can't be seen.

Knowing that with the werewolves having advanced hearing, the reader would give themselves away by talking to the camera, they take a few minutes having flown up to a high tree branch, to pull out a notebook and do a little sketch of how Mark and Ethan appear in their Demon True Sight, and holding it up to their camera.

Werewolves being one of the animals who can kind of sense demons without being able to identify them, essentially like dogs can sense natural disasters and are often good judges of character, this can be heightened on command for werewolves. There's about 15 minutes of footage cut out of the boys discussing or mentioning how this place has awful vibes and that they should have done this during the day. It gets worse as they get closer to the reader, who didn't realise that the boys hadn't thought to ever use that particular power around them before.

("I say this with so much love and appreciation for you, dude," Ethan yells, looking up at you from the base of the tree they'd finally found you in, "but I- this is making me anxious I feel like something terrible's gonna happen, and we should probably get out of here and film the rest of the video back at Mark's." And behind him, Mark's nodding, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes scanning the trees for whatever was most likely the cause of this terrible impending doom.

Oh. It's you. And they don't know its you.

Now or never, you suppose.

"Can you cut the cameras for a second? You're going to be fine I promise," you called back, and though they obligingly did, they both seemed antsy. You cleared your throat awkwardly, "that... that terrible feeling, that's not the park or anything in it- well I mean, it is, but it's just- it's me."

and later

"Dude your wings smell like rotten eggs."

"To YOU Ethan! And no they don't!"

"If it makes you feel better they smell like burning and rotten eggs."

"It does not."

(for reference, when enhancing their sense of smell werewolves can kind of distinguish various supernatural creatures, or parts of supernatural creatures. Some creatures have an inherent scent, but some, like angels and demons, only have distinct scents when they've activated certain attributesor abilities; demon wings smell like fire and brimstone, which unfortunately means burning and rotten eggs. I like to think angels wings are like the love potion in Harry Potter that smells like the things you love the most. Mark and Ethan usually don't enhance it around each other because they smell like wet dog to the other)

This gets about 2k notes on tumblr. The reader likes it:

Ethan finally finding Y/N at the end of Hunting Down An Old Friend (2020) Colourised.

Other things to note regarding all this:

It takes a while to rebuild their friendship to the point where they're comfortable enough to be on camera together (eef and reader specifically).

However, the Unus Annus video is the first thing they properly do together, and the reader, in an effort to connect more and make up for the past, will join in multiplayer gaming streams if asked.

Impromptu duet in proximity Among Us of Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy, which has their respective chats and fandoms losing their minds, except it stops abruptly after the first chorus as they both remember the opening lines of the second verse (make it easy, say I never mattered -- those lyrics hit a little too close to home)

But also the reader convinces him to join him for a proper cover in like, February of 2021, and it's something deeply sappy (I'm thinking Bon Iver by mxmtoon because I think its sweet and fits them well)

Also Ethan being reminded that the reader is kind of a much bigger deal than when they'd been friends before.

designed to hurt (touch me) from their ep Working On It is nominated for a Grammy for Track of the Year, and n o s t a l g i a wins Best Pop Album (because it's my fic and I said so)

FIRST OF ALL designed to hurt (touch me) is a beautifully produced song about Corpse (which people do not know) and the title itself is literally making fun of something he said IMAGINE his reaction to it being Grammy Nominated 😂😂😂 God he'd be proud but lowkey fuming, meanwhile the moment the nominations are announced the reader tweets:

me: here is an album where I processed my entire world view including heartfelt explorations of the trauma of existing and oversharing in the public eye from a young age without the traditional barrier between audience and entertainer

the grammys: that's cute BUT you know the song you wrote to bully your boyfriend and also be horny on main for him before you guys were even dating? THAT deserves its own recognition.

meanwhile Ethan's like..... this is the same person who I filmed a video with playing cards against humanity, and you laughed so hard you almost threw up. I am very proud but deeply confused.

The Hot Meme of Late April 2021 is "2 time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" with a gif, still, or quote from the reader where they're just being an absolute chaos gremlin.

Of course we have "If I bleached my asshole for charity I'd do it tastefully."

2 Time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N speaking to their actual boyfriend in the year of our lord 2020: You are being executed for Clown Crimes.

ethan posts a short video to twitter simply of his screen where he's renaming a folder from "Never Before Seen Images of Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" simply changing it to 2 time Artist. The reader responds specifically to his tweet with a video of themselves asking Google how to hard reset someone else's computer.

So many screenshots from old videos surface that week.

I miss this world. Sorry this is rambly!!

#shut ur pretty mouth #how the light gets in #corpse husband x reader #your local homosexual with no chill #htlgi

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words-for-holland · 4 years

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Happier (9) | T.H

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N & Tom seem to be in the process of rebuilding their relationship. Natalie is up to no good. How much more can Y/N & Tom take?

Masterlist

A/N: Ive been reading all your responses lately and I appreciate them so much! Im so glad you’re all still on this crazy dramatic ride! Thank you so much for reading and supporting!

Spontaneity

There are certain moments in your life where things go according to plan, and others when they dont...but those are the best kinds. The moments that happen because it feels right and everything just falls into place. After all, everything happens for a reason.

It had been three weeks since Tom and Y/N had their heart to heart, promising to find Unknown together along with Harrison and Harry. While there were no threats taking place, one could never be too careful. The more they waited, the more vulnerable they became, letting down their guard ever so slightly.

Everyone kept a close eye on Natalie, but she convinced them enough to think she was on their side and the PR had nothing to do with Unknown. Show the boys one made up threat message from Unknown and you gained most of their trust. Tom had asked Natalie to stop the PR for the sake of mending his broken relationship with Y/N. She told him that her and her publicist agreed to put it on hold...but kept no promise of stopping it forever.

Natalie’s mother was getting furious, not happy with how her daughter handled the situation. “I told you to keep Y/N away, you insolent girl. You are ruining everything and your chance with Tom.”, she spat through the phone.

Natalie listened to her mother’s rant, rolling her eyes. “Relax mother.” She says sourily. “This is just the beginning. Y/N wont know what hit her and after this...She’s going to wish she never came back to London.” She hangs up the phone smirking as she goes through fan accounts that continued to spark the PR flame.

Meanwhile as the three weeks passed Tom & Y/N had slowly rebuilt their relationship. Occasional glances and banters left their tongue, subtle compliments were thrown out, and it almost seemed as if things would be back just the way they were. Even more so, one day in the kitchen. Y/N was making dinner the for the group as she took the time to cut the asparagus and broccoli. Tom passed by her, as he saw her lose herself in the soft music playing in the background, singing to herself all while still being focused on the food.

He leaned against the doorway and continued to observe her, admiring how cute she looked with her hair up and how sweet her voice sounded with the music. It almost made him think why she didn’t pursue a career in music instead of business. “Wow.” Tom muttered under his breath.

His voice must have been too loud, since Y/N looked up startled, but all the more happy to see the man she once loved..and still does deep down. “Oh..I didn’t see you there.” She giggles. “Don’t worry I’ll stop singing in the kitchen. I know how you guys are when I get into it.”

Tom quickly shook his head as he came closer to her, smiling back. “No. You don’t have to. I think your voice sounds lovely. I mean the kitchen’s got great acoustics.” He laughs nervously. Tom can’t remember the last time he felt so nervous with her, but in the good type of nervous. The type of feeling, one gets when they’re in front of their crush and all the butterlies in their stomach start fluttering. “You just sound and look so beautiful.” He admits, sheepishly.

“Thomas Stanley Holland are you trying to flirt with me?” She asks amused at his attempt pointing the knife at him from a safe distance.

“Am not.” He dramatically answers. “I can’t compliment a friend, who happens to be really beautiful.” Y/N shies away hiding her face, by looking down at the cutting board. “I mean it. I really do think you’re beautiful, even if you dont think like that.”

“Well..I’m definitely no model or Natalie, since the people say you both are London’s to die for couple.” She says bitterly.

Tom rolls his eyes as he takes her hand. “Hey..I told you we stopped it for now and Natalie agreed. You know, I get that we all have our suspicions of her after everything, but she said and proved she was a victim herself. Plus Unknown’s been quiet for the past three weeks.” Y/N scoffs at his defense for Natalie as she heads to the stove with Tom following right behind her. He taps on her should as she reluctantly turns to look at him. “I am only ever going to have feelings for you.” Tom confesses. In this moment their faces are inches apart, eyes are slowing moving down to their lips and back up to their eyes, breaths slowing, and just when it seemed like everything would fall into place, both quickly turn away clearing their throats

Y/N calms her heartbeat as she stirs the pasta while Tom helps stir the sauce. The room was quiet only the sound of bubbling from the pots filling the room. It only took five seconds before they both turned back to each other quickly connecting their lips. The fever and the passion increasing rapidly with every touch and pull. The warmth coming from their breaths and the tingling feeling everytime their lips touched. It was like coming back from an addicition you had quit for so long but craved every single time. They couldn’t stop no matter how wrong this was right now, but it felt so right so spontaneous, so in the moment.

Tom quickly signaled her to jump and did as she told, wrapping her legs around his toned torso, cupping her hands under his jaw. He pushed her back against the kitchen wall, as he slow let on of his hands linger under her shirt. It may have been months apart, but both knew exactly what the other needed and how to handle it. Almost as if it were instinctive. They were in complete bliss, forgetting the world around them. Until, the pasta water started overflowing on the stove.

Y/N opened her eyes and quickly pushed Tom away. “Shit. The food.” She yells out, jumping from Tom’s embrace. Both of them tried to calm their heart rate and Tom stood their watching Y/N, smiling at what had just happened. For once he had his girl back, and everything felt normal. Y/N looks at him, giggling. “What?” She asks.

“Nothing.” He replies, grinning like a little boy. “I’ve waited to do that for so long.”

Y/N blushes at his statement, as she sets up the table with the food. “Come on. It’s time to eat.”

Life seemed surreal after her encounter with Tom. Y/N told herself that it was a one time thing until they found Unknown. She didnt want to put anyone at risk especially both her’s and Tom’s heart. But everytime she told herself, the more she got lost in Tom. Every stolen moment, stolen kisses, stolen touch...he always had a way of making her forget. So while she vowed to herself that it would stop, her heart simply couldn’t. Tom was right, there was no PR, no text messages, no insane fan account rumor. Natalie hadn’t even bothered either of them, always focused on her own thing, and truthfully seemed a lot nicer when she came forth about being a victim of Unknown. The questions came to Y/N’s mind. Why should she have to live in fear? Why not just live in the moment?

It was a slow night. Harrison had spent the weekend at his mother’s while Harry did the same. Tom and Y/N were the only ones that roamed aroundthe house. While Natalie spent her time contemplating everything. Her initial plan to crush Y/N when she least expected was approaching ever so quickly after all the time it took to set up. Within that time, she had gotten to know Y/N and Tom even more so a part from the hatred and the jealousy. For a second...just a second, she considered not to follow through. But her mother’s words and the thought of losing her chances with Tom overtook her the moment she saw the two fall in love all over again. Her suspicions only became worse when she recirved a text from her mother.

Unknown

Just remember, your acting career and your dreams depend on Tom. If you want Tom to choose you, you better get rid of the girl stealing your chances.

Filled with worry, Natalie quickly grabbed her things and made her way out the door.

Meanwhile, Tom and Y/N continued to spend time in each others arms everywhere they went in the house. They settled on the couch, Tom’s stong hands wrapping around her torso as Y/N curled herself into Tom. “I wish we could stay like this forever.” She whispers to him.

Tom hums at the idea, smiling wide. “Me too.” He brings her soft lips to his, letting them linger for a couple seconds more. “Do you really enjoy staying in the guest room?” Tom asks.

Y/N looks up at him, with curious eyes. “I mean yeah it’s okay. Why?”

Tom takes a deep breath before asking, “Well...I was uh wondering, if you didn’t like it as much there, you could..maybe stay with me...again.” He suggested muttering the last word. Tom smiled nervously, as he observes Y/N’s emotions. She was calm like the sea before a storm.

Y/N smiles at his offer, but shakes her head. “Mmm..it’s okay. Im fine where I am, but thank you for the generous offer.” She responds, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

“Yeah...I guess I should have seen that coming.” Tom admits, his face showing signs of disappointment.

Y/N pouts her lips, and lifts her small hand to move a piece of his hair. “Hey..believe me. I want to but nows the not the time..at least not yet. One day, I promise.” She whispers leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. “C’mon we got another day tomorrow. I’m gonna head into my room for a bit.”

“I’ll come up later just wanna make a call to Harrison.” Tom replies. Y/N looks at him and smiles as she nods and heads back up to her room.

As the night came to an end, Y/N took the time to unwind with a book in hand when her phone went off. Her face dropped when she saw the messages.

Pictures of Natalie out and about wearing Tom’s clothes and jewlery, smiling into the sun and enjoying her day out with friends. Gossips left and right from fans and media, talking about how adorable it was that Natalie was the type of girlfriend to steal her boyfriends clothes because it looks cuter on her. Y/N knew deep down it wasn’t true but the words and pictures taunted her. Slowly and surely, she started to get mad, furious that Natalie would start the flame again out of nowhere when she promised Tom they would stopped. Another message popped up for Y/N, and it was from someone she so willingly prayed it wouldnt be who she thought.

Unknown

Doesn’t she look cute in his clothes. Probably better than you ever could. BTW..where is lover boy? 😉

Y/N throws her phone against the wall, pissed more than ever. She should have known this was going to happen. Y/N contemplated the message, she wondered what the text meant. After all Unknown seeemed to know more about everyone here better than they knew themselves. Y/N slowly went downstairs only to hear whispering coming from the kitchen. She couldn’t make out the exact words but she could identify the voice. It was Tom and Natalie? She took a peak at the kitchen where the two stood facing each other. Y/N couldn’t make out Tom’s face but she could see Natalie’s very clearly. “Kiss me.” Natalie whispers, as she quickly places her lips on Tom’s cradling his neck, but Tom didn’t stop. The moment his eyes opened up to see Y/N’s he pushed Natalie off with all his might.

Y/N standing there in shock and sadness. Her eyes tearing up, her breaths shortening. She shakes her head, as she replays the disturbing image in her mind. “Y/N... it’s not what it looks like.” Tom quickly defends, trying to reach for Y/N as she steps back. Natalie observing the two, a slight smirk forming across her face. “I swear it was for the PR and movie.” He yells out, trying to chase her.

Y/N whips back as she faces Tom, the angriest she has ever been with him. “Who are you putting a show for in this house? Me? Because I sure as hell didn’t fucking like it one bit. I should have known better.” She spits out, heading up the stairs with Tom following.

“Y/N..please. It didn’t mean anything. I swear. I was put in a compromising position. Please listen to me.” Tom pleads. The door to her room is shut locked, but he stays there waiting and knocking at the door. “Y/N. Don’t do this. Dont walk away. Please just let me explain. You know what we have is special and the moment at the kitchen and everything this past month...”

“Was ruined and a complete and utter mistake. Leave me alone and I swear Tom you even try to get near me I will make sure you never see the light of day. I should have fucking stayed back.” Y/N yells out, sobbing against the door. It was a nightmare, and this time she couldn’t get out. She sat there now realizing, her heart had broken completely for the second time.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @viwihere @marvelobsessedteenager @panicattheeverywherekid @oswinO5 @jillanaholland

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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biconicfinn · 4 years

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id like to know, what are your takes on politician!Alec? if you want to talk about that

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK!!!!! POLITICIAN ALEC IS MY FUCKING JAM DJKABVHJKDBVKADVBFAV okay anon strap in because this will get crazy

holy shit this is long so i’m putting it under a read more!!

okay so first of all: alec is someone who has been trained from a young age to be a politician, he would have been educated in diplomacy and politics, his parents were expecting him to become head of the new york institute and they have no qualms about living vicariously through their children and forcing their burdens on them as we have seen in the show.

he was probably taught clave law and the accords, a whole bunch of languages (polyglot power couple malec ftw) because i assume the NYI uses english as their lingua franca because of their location but since institutes also have to deal with local downworld and mundane populations it’s safe to assume that in other countries where english isn’t the main language, they go with the local languages and alec would need to communicate with these other institute heads, etiquette, some formal ballroom dances like the waltz, the art of negotiation, administrative stuff like resource allocation, budgeting, public speaking, the nitty gritty details of the clave workings, in addition to the knowledge of the different races of the shadow world, hand to hand combat, combat with a variety of weapons (he masters archery to utter perfection but he definitely is also incredibly proficient in close range combat as well).

sorry i just love alec and he is definitely more competent than most of the Alec StansTM (yall know what im saying) make him out to be

okay so!!!!! it’s pretty much canon that alec has spent a considerable amount of time as acting head of the NYI; what with maryse and robert always fucking off to idris to lick the boots of the clave and so he probably has a good relationship with the people under his command. he’s probably put protocols in place to reduce casualties and injuries, form patrol teams that are well-balanced so that they are versatile enough to take just about any threat that comes their way, etc.

of course, thanks to a little thing called the nephilim’s deep-rooted homophobia, a lot of the work alec put in probably got negated when he came out. it took a lot of courage for him to come out and to be openly gay. raj was an absolute asshole to alec for no reason and often questioned his leadership decisions post coming out, and even if not all the shadowhunters reacted like that, they did show some resistance(?) to alec’s leadership when he was appointed head and questioned him. it probably took a lot out of him because it’s one thing to have your people doubt you as a leader because of your actions or words; your decisions as a leader, it’s another thing for them to mistrust you entirely because of a fundamental part of your identity that you can’t change. you can build trust by publicly admitting and apologising for mistakes and putting in honest work to be better, but it’s impossible to build trust when the other person doesn’t even see you as human to begin with.

this is turning into a hoti!alec ramble but i promise i will bring this back to politician!alec okay i promise i just need to establish the headcanons i’m building on first sorry

okay back to business!!!! i feel like alec is so very genuine and honest outside of the political sphere alec “casual wedding vows” lightwood anyone? so when he does show his ability to be a complete fucking shark in the political arena a lot of people are blindsided because they expected him to be very honest and direct but he knows that as much as he’d like to be genuine, he needs that shrewdness to navigate the political minefield of idris. he prefers directness, but if you take the manipulative, indirect, route and underestimate him, he will not hesitate to turn your own methods against you.

he is also the type of leader who constantly tries to make an effort. his intentions were genuine with the downworld cabinet and i think that if it wasn’t set up in the middle of the shitstorm which was valentine’s re-emergence and the circle’s rise, it would have been more successful. he has a lot to learn and unlearn, and he (an utter perfectionist) will do as much as he can to help the downworld. i like to think that in a post s3 world, but before the time skip, he helps to re-establish the ties between the shadow world factions in new york and focuses on being the nephilim voice of the downworld to the clave, constantly trying to push for new accords and reformed policies, and he makes an effort to not speak over the downworlders, but instead be their representative and ally to the clave because the clave are racist bastards who wouldn’t listen to them but they have to listen to alec lightwood (”it’s lightwood-bane, actually”), one of the heroes who stepped up to defend alicante when the rift to edom opened. (and also because if they did try to slander or belittle him, they risk angering magnus, who has enough clout to embargo most warlocks from providing magical assistance to any local institutes, if he feels that the downworld is being ignored despite the fact that a warlock is the sole reason why alicante was’t razed to the ground, or that he and his husband are being targeted by the clave. because they are That Couple.) in conclusion alec is a good ally okay?

but as much as he tries/tried to do right by the clave, he sometimes also doesn’t give a fuck about them. he’ll be in meetings at idris, and maybe they’re discussing asinine, irrelevant, minor issues that are really just stupid excuses to showboat and compare family clout and whatnot and he’ll be pissed as fuck because instead of discussing actual relevant issues like irregularities/strange patterns in demon attacks, hunting down remaining circle sleeper cells, reparations for the downworld (like for the heavenly fire project), rewriting the accords, rebuilding idris, helping get the attacked institutes back up and running, you know, actual important issues that need attention but no, we’re discussing some petty family squabble that turned into a political feud that involves everyone and their fucking uncle. and he gets so damn angry he just blows up and rants at them and tears them a new one. he finishes his impressively long spiel with “you know what? fuck this. when you guys are done fighting like children and taking up precious time that we should be using to talk about real, pressing issues that affect the entire shadow world instead of five people at this table, let me know and i’ll be there but until then don’t bother. if you’ll excuse me, i’m going back to my husband. thank you. and for the last damn time, my name is alec lightwood-bane. i already changed my damn name legally so fucking use it.” and he just leaves to go back to new york because fuck the clave.

he goes back home to the loft and it’s like the stress and anger just melts away because he walks in on magnus dancing around the kitchen as he cooks dinner, singing dancing queen at the top of his lungs, laughing when magnus twirls to see him leaning against the doorway of the kitchen with his heart eyes and blushes at being caught doing somethin so silly

he becomes a successful inquisitor by sheer force of will and determination. it’s not at all intentional, but it just happens. with the success of the cabinet and the measures he puts in place, he shares it with other institute heads and slowly more and more institutes are collaborating with the local downworld and most of the time, the statistics pay off in the long run. there are starting troubles as with any new initiatives, but soon enough there is a sizeable number of institutes following them successfully and it’s hard for the clave to ignore. alec gets invited to alicante to discuss the possibility of him becoming inquisitor just when the downworld deputy program is taking off in new york. (it all starts with simon asking “so are you guys nephilim or shadowhunters? what’s the difference? or is it interchangeable?” and then they realise that while nephilim is a term to describe half-angel half-human beings, shadowhunter is a term more commonly used by active duty demon hunters and drops out of use as a self-descriptor when the nephilim in question leaves combat. “so that means technically anyone in the shadow world whose job it is to fight demons is a shadowhunter? right?” and the lightbulbs light up in alec’s head immediately) oops time to get back to it the point.

okay so!!!! the clave offer alec the position of inquisitor and it’s part recognition for his efforts and acknowledgement of his skills, part them wanting to keep him under their control. how does that work? well it’s simple. if alec is inquisitor and the clave makes it as hard as possible for him to do any effective work, bogging him down with bureaucracy and and votes on motions that are just shy of the majority needed to pass laws etc etc. basically throw every road block they can at him and wear him down; forcing him to step down and thus silencing him, and by extension, the downworlders who rely on him for a voice in the clave.

malec side note: so they first say that magnus can come to alicante and make an exception for him, and the general plan is to make it look like they’re actually doing something good when it’s to lull them into a false sense of security. (but alec and magnus choose to live in brooklyn first because despite everything, it is still dangerous for magnus to be the only warlock in a city full of nephilim) but then alicante opens up to the rest of the shadow world, magnus becomes the high warlock of alicante, and the clave are dealing with the force of nature that is known power couple and ultimate badasses magnus and alec lightwood-bane. oops.

but they underestimate the power of alec’s Lightwood(-Bane) DeterminationTM and his sheer stubbornness. so their plan backfires spectacularly when within the first few years, he’s implemented laws to open alicante up to downworlders, expunge criminal records of downworlders who were previously wrongfully charged with crimes, rehabilitation of wrongfully imprisoned downworlders, mandatory downworld cabinet and downworld deputy initiatives worldwide, as well as be part of the core group that rewrote the accords to be more fair.

alec probably retires after like five years of being inquisitor and then magnus steps down as high warlock and they just travel the world together and be in love and happy, occasionally consulting on political issues here and there but for the most part they just run off into the sunset to be immortal husbands together because they’ve sacrificed enough for the good of the shadow world to last several lifetimes.

#skyrambles #skygetsasks #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #thank you for the ask anon!!! (although im like 99% sure i know who you are skbskbshfbsfh)#Anonymous

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tslasvegas · 4 years

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Episode 4: “I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.” - Keegan

Dan and JAKE! A WORD IN MY OFFICE PLEASE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Wow! Today was A Day to say the least. I feel like boo boo the fool with how things went down today, but hopefully, I can recover from that now that there’s a new tribe. I’m excited to get to know new people, but sad to see my old alliances have to come to an end. I guess we’ll see what happens

Finally a swap and golly 5 OG Palazzo! I really hope this works in our favor. Kinda nervous for Joey and Stephanie tho because now they are in the minority of their tribe. I do hope they’ll find a way to survive till merge

LMFAO IM... watching the tribal council for the other tribe and I'm SORRY??? Who the fuck is Jake S he is the most condescending man I've ever seen in my entire life YIKES. Anyways this swap is nice.. I think I've got a good group, I really hope we win the next few immunities because I 1) really dont want to see Rachael on this tribe and 2) i want to try and rebuild my um. tattered relationships. I did the best I could in the challenge for tonight, I'll try to come back tomorrow a little more renewed cus I'm kinda wiped out from today's events. Now that my tribal council cherry has been popped for this Org its time to go crazy woop

So good not to check Luxor anymore!

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Well last tribal went fine, I got to see what was in the Prize Vault which is awesome; now I have a better idea of the twist. Big problem though- Our swap put me in the minority. I was running Luxor and had a core 4, now they have 5 OG Pink so they can pluck us off, one at a time. I went from drivers seat to getting driven over. We need to win the challenge, so I'm gonna go ham in winterbells and hope to pull it out.

We swapped! I think I made a confessional already, but honestly I don't remember. I gave Livingston some of my chips so he can go visit the vault after the immunity challenge. We'll see what is in there and for how much, and maybe snatch up some real nice items to help us out. I've also got Andrew on my side, which is great and he's apparently quite tight with Pat, which is fantastic. Mo is a pretty decent dude and I've been talking with Jake a lot today. Things are going alright. I just hope we can win this challenge.

Phew, while the swap was not ideal. I was really liking my tribe, we were kind of quiet but individually everyone was great and we also kicked butt at challenges! Anyway, the swap with numbers wise not great, but I know Xavi from a previous game and we have a solid relationship, I hope he and John and Joey and myself can build a solid squad to make it to the merge. The challenge was rough tbh, I am not great at video games, but I think I did ok... Jaiden got like 20 trillion points on a game so really I have no idea how I did. Hoping for the best!

I am losing my mind in my personal life so I am sorry that I have been mia. I appreciate the patience from the hosts and my tribe. It makes me still want to play even though I've been kinda invisible. I'm aware of that. I'll fix it. I promise. Otherwise, its been pretty good as a tribe so far. Andrew, Pat, and NIk and i are all really close from other games, so we're good and Andrew and Pat and I are together, which is just really unfair if you ask me. I can't wait to start scheming!

Uhhhhhh.................................... anyways........ yall hear somethin? Oh I hear something. It's the sound of Joey literally blowing himself up to me hardcore!!!! The narcissism and arrogance really jumped out on this one. So Joey had the idea of calling tonight to go over some stuff and honestly out of the 2 hours we spent, I think about 45-60 mins of it was rather nice and I do feel that I enjoy his presence, but omg... his desire for control is so noticeable and its kinda gross. Joey and I debriefed on what went down on Bellagio and I totally understand why there was the difference in us discussing tribe dynamics - I had to give up all my info while he kinda kept things more reserved. I want to assume this is because of the fact that I went to tribal and he hasn't until now. I won't judge him for that. However, after this he's kinda like dictating the fact that an OG Bellagio needs to go home. Ben is the easier person to throw under the bus since he didn't even bother to do the challenge/let us know what's up. Not a big fan of that, but aight. Then Joey starts suggesting we vote out Kailyn...?? Uh... not on my watch. I have to make it up to Kailyn at least a little bit so even though she's probably got a loaded gun pointed at my head rn, I want to defuse the situation rather than start throwing her out there as a potential target. Even if it isn't coming from me, I'm not here for that. The information that Joey did give up to me relates to the chips in the game. I've never paid much attention to the chips, but I guess it takes 10 to get into the vault and Joey's got between 11 and 15 (he changed his answer on the subject SEVERAL times). He says there are three idols worth 40 chips each, then a super idol worth I think 50 or 60 (can't remember). On top of that, there are nullifiers, vote advantages, and a legacy advantage, too. He seems fixated on the legacy advantage and really wants the chips to get it. Like.. ok do you but we NEED the super idol?? Does he not realize that thing has more power than anything else in the vault combined..? ANYWAYS. What really started to turn me off about Joey is that there was this sudden expectation that I'd be giving him all of my chips thus far. I don't care about them to begin with but knowing what I know now, it doesn't make sense for me to give him my stash just to fuel his hunt for... a measly legacy advantage... I put myself in a compromising position. I told him that once a host gets back to me on my exact total, I'd be willing to trade him my chips for I guess an allyship going forward. I mean that. I want to work with Joey at least through this vote, but I can't guarantee that it'll go much further than that. He is a very risky person for my game right now because if he's coming off this strong to everybody, it's only going to hurt me by association to stick with him longer than a vote or two. However, I'm going to try and divert the attention and just be like, maybe we need to use my five as a bartering piece for new allies at this point. I want to try and build meaningful partnerships right now, especially since that was the only reason I wanted to make it to the merge.. Rebuilding is crucial as well. Kailyn and possibly Nik/Rachael are not going to be fond of me once we all have "the talk" about last tribal. I put myself in an even more compromising position with them, but I'll find my way out of that mess. I think........ As far as this tribe goes, I think between Joey's WILD imagination/constant over-analyzing and the lack of direction this tribe has taken so far.. I'm doing okay. Nobody is really standing out besides Joey and I guess myself in a way, so if I keep him around it MIGHT even shrink my own target little by little - unless people find out we're together then FUK.

......five seconds later

In terms of my other relationships right now, I love John Coffey but this is old news, I've been in love with this man since like 2016 and it's fine - totally fine - just fangirling a bit rn since I get to spend more time with him!! woohoo. Xavier and Stephanie are straight up non-entities which makes me SO scared of them especially since Stephanie's won an ORG before... how can someone be so irrelevant yet still win something? Hmm... Makes me think that she's secretly a ninja, you never even see her around. Nik has grown more and more quiet as the days go along and I wonder what's goin' on with that. Maybe they've decided since Biden won the election that moving to New Zealand is a bad idea? Lmfao. I dunno. Nik stresses me the hell out because I have no idea what they're thinking at any point in time even in the off-chance that we are talking. I think I might just have a personality they don't mesh with because I noticed on call forever ago that none of my jokes were particularly landing but Nik had a lot to say and a LOT to joke about there... rip. If it's a personality conflict - go off, I guess. I'll try on a couple different hats w this person to try and see if I can get things to go better than they have been. Kailyn.. like I said before, pretty sure she's after me but I am really trying to sell it to her that I like her a lot, because I do. I literally compare her to my best friend irl because they have very similar attributes and I consider Kailyn kinda messy but fun and quirky like my BFF so I hope that Kailyn did truly appreciate me making that comparison. Ben's inability to do this challenge is going to be his undoing. I think the only acceptable move is to vote him off this time because I HAVE to prove to Kailyn that I can stay the course, and I also need to whittle down Bellagio numbers to prevent people from targeting us and having everything go to shit that way. Let Joey control this, please dear god. Don't let me get blood on my hands. Let Rachael integrate herself well on this tribe. Let someone else blow themselves up in the process. Just not me plz and thanks. There is no fear in my soul tonight. Joey might be a fucking crackhead but so am I. I'm breaking down walls that I didn't think existed but Joey basically told me tonight that he thought I was confrontational, rude, chaotic, and all these other things but was impressed at how calm, optimistic, and outgoing I was. Love to hear it. He might think he overestimated me but he was right about the initial impressions... too bad he won't be around long enough to see that side of me :~)

FIRSTLY, DeNara was robbed. Okay so I already wrote this a while ago in my host chat about how the fact jake and dan are praying for my downfall because after the swap i am the only og bellagio on a tribe with 5 palazzo and 2 luxor. so after I slowly blinked at my screen for a bit I was like okay how do we survive this if I go to tribal. Because I’m under the impression tribes are gonna stick together especially going into merge but since Luxor is already down so many members it’s kinda Bellagio Vs. Palazzo. but then I was like okay wait I’m the only member of bellagio on this tribe after coming from a tribal so I’m the only one who can say what happened and I can create what narrative I want to help me get through the next couple rounds. Because if I was like oh blah blah I was in majority im so fucked then of course they’re gonna target me to get me out. But if I play the victim card and milk the fact that I voted in the minority acting like I hate my og tribe maybe they’ll think to use me as a pawn. To take down others moving forward. Listen if I have to be labeled a goat to move forward then BAA bitch.

.....five seconds later

Things are going good, because not only am no longer in danger this round but that means Rachael is going to the enemy tribe which if she came to our tribe that might’ve disrupted the narrative I had going of me being against og bellagio. Also DeNara should still be here, don’t think I didn’t clock the fact that Ben scored a 0. I also found out from Andrew that Rachael and Ben are apart of the same Tengaged group which explains why Rachael was so set on Ben staying but like, listen, if I end up in a game with someone I’m friends with, and they’re not active and helping the tribe. Good riddance.

What the. We lost yet again. I have lost everything since the start of the game. It's crazy. There are 4 from Bellagio, 2 Palazzo and 2 Luxor. 2+2 seems like an obvious plan, but it looks like it is falling apart already (read: Joey). Sucks to be across the world, so instead of scheming, I'll be sleeping.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. is the same as I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.

The swap did happen. Expected it. Glad we won this first challenge in this new tribe tho in worried for Stephanie and Joey

Vault Shenanigans - Holy shit I did not expect this to be as powerful as it is. I was preparing myself for some sort of payment based search system, but being able to straight up buy the items I want, but its also the same for other people. I had a misconception at how generous the wheel was so I'm probably behind some people with the amount of chips, but I could very well start scooping up some of the steal votes and just say "see ya" to the idols, although getting a super idol would be very wild, it still seems risky to hold out that long to get it, even though there's a great amount of power associated with it. The other issue with a super idol is that I think that its very likely that if I get into a position where I need to use it, that I lose a lot of respect with the jury if it does happen. The only benefit from actually having it would be that I no longer have to worry about someone else whipping it out, so it'd be less for me wanting it, but more for others not having it. As of now, I think my optimal play is to hold on to my chips until around ~40, and then buy both vote steals at once, OR go all out for the super if someone has already bought an idol by that point, because I would be operating under the assumption that the frontrunner is already out of the running. Tribe Swap Shenanigans - This is a hell of a tribe swap. 5-2-1 is always a great spot to be in, I am already good within the 5 that I have so I don't have to worry about anything there, it should be relatively smooth sailing as far as getting to the merge. Mo/Jake are alright so far, neither particularly speak too much. Kevin has not reached out at all, probably will try to talk to him tonight for general purposes, even if he seems like he'd be an easy one to get out first should we go to tribal the next time. But generally I really don't plan on losing so it's kind of a wash. I'll take the smooth sailing, easy path to merge. Premerge is never as relevant as merge is when it comes to FTC as long as you have something to show for yourself at the merge. I've got all game to make my presence known, and I plan on using the entirety of the game to do so.

I feel super anxious today because even though I had a great conversation and built a good connection to Joey, there hasn't been any talk about the vote quite yet. I mean obviously names have rolled out but nothing solid is out there still, I think I just need to let go of the urgency for a name to start being spread early on and just let things be. Stephanie and I have been chatting a bit here and there today so I feel more comfortable with her and hopefully she sees things from a similar perspective as everyone else - the Bellagio foursome needs to get broken up right now. As long as it's not my name of course!!!!! Plz vote Ben @everyone. Or Kailyn tbh save me a little bit of trouble now. Talking to Xavier is SO HARD LMAO. He doesn't immediately contribute information into a conversation and as bad as I wanna get rid of Ben, I almost..almost think going for Xavier is the smarter move, since Xavier doesn't seem too motivated to actually get to know ME and work with me. I'm selfish that way. Kailyn doesn't seem like she wants to do Ben which is a little frustrating but I totally get it, if Ben stays he's going to go after her hardcore but like she needs to actually pitch me an alternative lmfao. I don't wanna go bending over backwards just to appease her right now so if she doesn't gimme a name.. sorry sis but then I think it's gonna be Joey's call on this one :/

I am being very cautious now. The 4 of us (me, John, Joey and Steph) are going to vote together. Now Jaiden wants to vote Nik. And Kailyn wants to vote Ben. Why can't we just agree on one?! And it always has to go down to the wire. Stick together, people!

I think I am possibly leading the charge against Nik rn?? Joey told me he wanted Ben and then I told him I wanted Nik and now he wants Nik LOL take that Stephen

Okay well I have no idea what's going to happen tonight, but I'm going into tribal not afraid of the vote I am probably going to have to make ... I think the best move is to just vote for Nik and be done with it, but it's going to cause a serious rift in a lot of my relationships if I do so. I've been super wishy-washy to a lot of people I think and right now it doesn't make sense to continuously do one thing when I mean another.. especially since there seems to be zero ground to move upon when it comes to getting the vote to turn from Nik to Ben. Nik doesn't even SEEM ACTIVE?? Why are we making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Ben can't just walk around deciding what's going on and I think Kailyn would prefer to keep Nik around rather than Ben but it's like... so push for Ben to be the target hun! She's feeding into someone else's move no matter what she does, it's either Ben's agenda or John's agenda. Pick a side, but pick the side I'm on, too. Why don't we just vote for Kailyn tbh. lmao

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volgotha · 5 years

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Holy shit I just read your text post I'm so sorry! How are people so easily sold on bullshit??? What happened that lead up to all that?

Okay, strap yourself in. I’m only typing this mess up once more and then I’m never mentioning it again as long as I live. I’m not going to tag it with anything relevant either so once its posted, i’m letting it get lost in the sea of reblogs. Here we go, warning; this is gon be long.

In 2006 I went to college. From 2006 to 2009 I hung out with 5 friends and my bf at the time, Andre. It was in 2007 that we started to poke our heads into the 2C11 room (the clubspace room). Matt and his best friend Jogn Carlo started coming with us to Rocky Horror, a thing only myself and two of my 5 friends would do together, along with ppl they knew from their old highschool. By 2009, we had formed a big gang of friends from the clubspace, and we all started going to movies and sushi together. One of my friends organize panels for Otakuthon, where we’d all meet up.

But in 2009, two of the 5 ppl I hung out with had a falling out. They stopped being friends. One went to university, the other was around for one more year then she went to university in 2010. That’s when the old group began to change from a family to a clique: In 2010 new members joined the club, and became new staples in the old group–most importantly, a guy named Tin.

It used to feel like a big family, but when the new semester started in September 2010 and new members flooded the club, everything changed. Tin instantly gave me a strange feeling in my gut, like there was something off abt him I couldn’t articulate. Shannon was dating Alex, the then club president, who stepped down in disgrace after I and one of those 5 friends went to the student union to complain abt him being the Harvey Weinstein of the club,. He wanted to permanently ban her from the club bc that summer when he was making a shitty youtube movie, he asked her out and she said no. The only reason he stepped down is bc I helped her take it to the student union and took him down. So when 2010 came along, Tin swooped in and became Alex 2.0, and when I warned ppl abt him they didn’t listen.

Fast forward a year to 2011, and the shitstorm happens; My mom had bvee battling with cancer since 2009. She had a hysterectomy but it didn’t work, and the cancer came back with a vengance.

January 15th 2011: My mom comes into my room and tells me her doctor doesn’t give her 1 year left to live. A few minutes after she leaves my room, Tin talks to me on Steam. He starts trolling me, I exploded on him. I felt bad about it so I tried to apologise to him, and I wrote on my facebook wall a message: “Just found out my mom has a year left to live, not in my right head, plz stay away from me for a while” so i wouldn’t explode on anyone else. I said I tried to apologise to Tin on steam, because him being an abujsive sociopath, instead of just accepting the apology or not like a normal person, instead he starts demanding that i admit to being a shitdisturber. I ignore him at that point, tell him im sorry, wish him good night and then sign off steam, and go to bed.

The following day, Shannon heads me off as I’m in the 2C11 hallway heading to the clubspace room; she warns me that Kelly is having a shit fit and screaming about how much of a horrible person I am, that apparently Kelly thinks my facebook post is me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I run to confront her, because excuse me, no it fucking wasn’t yknow? and whatever trauma she hasn;’t resolved yet doesn’t give her the right to twist my meanings and paint me as a monster. Thats when she goes into the Oliver’s caf so I follow her, and she screams at me calls me pathetic and heads back into the clubspace, and everyone followed her and left me in the caf crying with Shannon and Alex. :/

The situation was made ten times worse later that night by a certain person named Mathew, remember him? He was supposed to be my friend. Instead, he took the opportunity to write a huge post on fb tearing me down, on which everyone else joined in taking a public jab at me. Matt was seen as the community leader at the time. He could have used his power to calm the situation down, instead he made things worse. To this day, I suspect that troll Tin is the one who twisted my words to trigger Kelly and cause all of this, and that he also had Matt in the palm of his hand, but i digress; Matt’s post convinced most of them to ditch me. That devastated me in an already overwhelmed state, and I attempted suicide a few nights later.

That summer, I saw that my former friends were all having a big party, “What Killed the Dinosaurs? The Bad Movie Night.”, and I wasn’t invited. Shannon saw how much it hurt me, so she invited to her bf’s party instead, and that’s where I met Paul.

The following school year of 2011-2012 went by without much incident. The people who had ghosted me slowly added me back, Matt even apologized for his shit, and things seemed to be on the up and up. It looked like all this drama was behind us. I was wrong.

After I graduated, I decided to go visit the club in Fall 2012. Big mistake.

I saw someone I knew, Sarah, crying on someone’s lap, and asked her what was up. She told me she was in an abusive relationship with Tin. For giving her the advice to leave him, Tin came at me on steam again, and I told him that he was an abuser, that he would not intimidate me and to go fuck himself, and I blocked him. Suddenly, Matt was trying to extort 100$ from me for 2 locks I had broken the year before, which should’ve only cost 42$. Where did that come from? Well, Tin was the club’s Treasurer that year. He was trying to get back at me for standing up to him and helping his victim escape, and he was doing it through Matt, who was going apeshit on me on MSN for refusing to pay 100$. I insisted I should only have to pay what I owe, which was 42$. He kept freaking out on me, so finally I threatened to get a lawyer involved, and that’s when he backed down. I still paid the money I owed for the locks I had broken but I blocked Matt, having had enough of his bullshit, and that’s when suddenly a bunch of ppl from the group ghosted me for good.

Why was I ghosted when Matt was clearly the one in the wrong? Because Tin. They ghosted me bc Tin told them to. Tin and Matt told them all sorts of shitty things about me and they believed them. They don’t hold Tin or Matt to any of their shitty actions though bc they don’t want the same abuse that happened to me to happen to them. They turn a blind eye to every shitty thing Tin and Matt do. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand there’s an extremely toxic abuse dynamic at play in that group.

But the story doesn’t end there. Remember that party I went to with Shannon, and that guy I met named Paul? From november 2011 to march 2015 we were together. I was isolated from whoever was left, only hung out with him and his friends. In 2014, I became close friends with a girl name d Ariel, a member of that old groiup who ghosted me. But that was probably a manufactured relationship manipulated into existance by Paul, so he could jump to her when he was done with me.

Paul was extremely abusive when no one was around. The night he left, we had a huge fight. I tried to escape the situation by running upstairs. He chased me and when I ran into my TV room and closed the door behind me, he started pounding on it and trying to push his way in. When he did manage to get through the door, I panicked, picked up a glass bottle and threw it at him, and then slammed the door again when he backed out. The bottle broke, and cut his finger very deep. He used that cut to get everyone present during the situation on his side. Nevermind all the crazy abusive stuff he had just pulled in front of them, no, I was the bad guy, and once he had them convinced, he left to my then bff’s house, who later became his new gf.

He posted a picture of the wound on facebook, and because of that and previous drama from years ago that never really went away, most of the friends I had left from Dawson believed him, and ghosted me. I couldn’t tell them that a week earlier he had raped me, and that’s why I was scared enough to throw that glass bottle at him.I filed a police report, I warned everyone who would listen to me about him, and I warned her. I did all I could.

I was too scared to tell this story for such a long time, because if asking for understanding while my mom was dying was twisted into me using my mom as an excuse to get away with being a bitch, then asking for understanding for the outbursts I had after being raped would just be twisted into me using my rape as an excuse to get away with being a bitch. I couldn’t handle the idea of my rape being trivialized as just some excuse–and Mathew is in part responsible for it all, because of that fucking post he made publicly tearing me down. Had he not posted that, I would’ve never lost my support system, I would’ve never gone to that party with Shannon, and I would’ve never been raped.

So I spent the better parts of 2016-2018 telling those involved off for their part in my current situation and blocked them, and the rest rebuilding what I had back in 2009, with resounding success.

So, there you have it. That’s what happened. Fuuuuuuuucking insane isn’t it. Its over now, none of them can hurt me anymore and Ive once again surrounded myself with friends I can actually trust, so everything’s good now. I still have my low days bc this was yknow, a lot, but I’m doing much, muuuuch better now.

#T-Abyss

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redbxrn · 5 years

Text

IS THAT DAVID CASTANEDA? NO, THAT’S JASON TODD. HE USED TO BE KNOWN AS RED HOOD BUT NOW HE IS JUST A SOCIAL WORKER. IF I’M NOT MISTAKEN HE IS TWENTY-FOUR AND HE WAS AGAINST THE HERO BAN. AKA this is what you should read if you’re curious abt my Jason characterization.

Basic Things to Know: Name: Jason Peter Todd Age: 24 Race: Mexican- American Occupation: Star City Social Worker (he helps kids get out of bad households and into good ones. He also runs an after school program for ‘troubled’ kids) Height: 6′2 Skills: Martial Arts, Lazarus Pit enchanced abilities, tactician, Master Marksman, Expert Detective. Basically he’s like a mini Bruce within his skills but he has enchanged things like Speed, agility, durability, and strength from his dip in the Lazarus Pit. He’s also multilingual (but spoke Spanish before he learned English). Childhood: (im gonna link a fic that does a better job at showing Jason’s childhood than I can do at telling it. Just pick whichever chapter from 1-5 to read bc none of them follow a cohesive storyline) FIC But to summarize: Jason was a really good kid with a lot of hope for the world. When he was Robin he actually made nice with a LOT of rogues bc he was charming as shit as a little kid. Roughly the only Rogue he ever had problems with was Joker and sometimes Harley by relation. Otherwise? Easy to get along with, loved reading, philosophy, and history. He was a little nerd, lovable, and loved the world around him. A Death in the Family: So Jason catches word that his mom is in Ethiopia and he goes because again, Jason had a lot of hope for the world around him. The thing turned out to be a trope and as per canon, Joker beat him with a crowbar. What happened during this event though was mostly psychological, out of the trauma of being beat he started to develop a second personality in order to protect himself from what was happening. Of course, no one but Joker was around to witness it. The building later exploded and Jason Todd died. (age 15) Until he was dunked in the Lazarus Pit by the Al Ghul’s. The only personality present was the second personality he’d developed while being beat. He didn’t talk, just took orders while he secretly plotted. He spent six months training with the league of shadows before leaving to enact his revenge against the Joker. Under The Red Hood: So he goes back to Gotham with a gameplan, he’s gonna kill the Joker but first, he needs to get power. He dons the persona of The Red Hood, his new identity. For the first time, this new personality gave himself a name. The Red Hood made his entrance by taking the heads of a few drug cartel leaders and dumping them on the GCPD’s doorstep. (note, he did not take control of these rings, he shut them down, took their money, destroyed the drugs). This gained the attention of Batman, and guess what? The Red Hood has no idea who Batman is. Those memories that Jason has with Batman do not belong to The Red Hood. Naturally, this created a problem when The Red Hood and Batman faced off and his identity was revealed. (age 17-18) Rebuilding: After he was deducted to be Jason Todd, The Red Hood persona started to back down, finally letting Jason Front for the first time since he had been murdered. During this time period, he spent his time trying to recover from everything that happened. This included copious amounts of therapy, and trial and error medications. He was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder and was set upon figuring out what triggered this more violent personality to come out. And the answer was simple, whenever Jason felt threatened or in danger, The Red Hood would start fronting. So he spent a long time working on repressing that and although he can’t keep his alter from front, he has a better time coming back to himself. Once Bruce decided to move to Star City, Jason decided that he wanted to continue his education and go to college for a proper second chance at regaining control of his life and making it his own. (18-23) Star City: Once he graduated from college, Jason immediately went to work in Star City. He was hired on as a social worker and currently, he helps kids who are between foster homes, being taken out of their homes, etc. He also runs an afterschool program in the city for troubled kids. Jason also does a lot of odd translator jobs on the side when the need arises. All in all he’s quite happy, but not with the hero ban. He directly opposed it with the claim that the world will always need heroes, and that his personal case was important in showing that. He’s still very politically charged in that aspect and he’ll publicly debate people about it when given the chance, especially since he works so closely with kids who could really use a role model like Superman in their lives. Things to Note: The Red Hood doesn’t have any familial relationships with anyone, due to not having those memories. The Red Hood and Jason Todd have completely separate memories. The Red Hood alter is triggered by several things but the most prominent tend to be: asphyxiation, fear, and threats. The alter also isn’t directly violent unless the cause comes around, otherwise, he tends to be plain aggressive, and snappy, all in all just difficult to be around. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if Red Hood is fronting or if Jason’s just in a mood though. The Red Hood isn’t Jason’s only alter, but his other two don’t front often enough for him to know what they are, or how to prevent them from coming up. He refers to them as 3, and 6.

#starcintro #about #bio

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theroastedpoosqueery-blog · 6 years

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On johann and tenma dynamic or something

((@jyuanka so yea i wanted to bounce back on what you were saying but its so long i figured i should make a new post lmao ))

There are so many interesting characters in monster (eva being maybe the first one), but the dynamic between tenma and johann is really whats does the deal for me. Their relationship is what builds the plot, like two poles of a battery that supports the entire story ! and they only met four times !! i love that its so unclear why both of them are so intent on having the other in their line of sight, like their obsession with each other is never really explained and we can only have so many speculations. Since its monster, it cant be something like ‘good tenma absolutely want to destroy johann for world peace”/ “evil johann absolutely want to destroy tenma because hes…evil”.

(you said you wanted to yell about monster so uh im taking advantage of it lol)

For tenma, we first think that all of this it is to prove his innocence. But the narrative voice shows us several times that this is not the case (grimmer who tells him that he should not go so far just to get his name cleared -> close-up on tenma’s face that darkens and tenma who doesnt answer = tenma does not do that to prove his innocence, theres something else). And frankly who would go that far just for that? Tenma realizes very quickly that destroying johan is,,,more than complicated and that he could lost his life at any point. He could go to a remote part of another continent and rebuild a career as a doctor there, under a new identity, if he wanted to (maybe johann wouldnt let him, but the obsession johann has for tenma is something that the latter understood at the end so he wouldnt know that at the beginning of the series). Nor is it because he has a savior syndrome and he absolutely wants to protect people (orrr well a little lol), because tenma doesnt seem to be interested in politics or in social justice at the beginning of the series. What i mean is that, like everyone, he knows that the world is unfair and that folks are dying because of horrible situations and horrible people (idk like because of the mafia, because of capitalists, because of fascists, because of human trafficking, etc). Like, everyone knows that, and some of us react and actually do things like direct actions, lobbies, associations, politics, or even just talk about it. But Tenma really doesnt seem to be that moved or concerned, hes more the type to be like “whatever. Dont see ? hasnt happened”. Yet when he realizes that its johan who does these things, suddenly it becomes his personal business. Like people always say tenma is the “absolute good” and i really, really disagree.

He has spent his life obeying orders from despotic leaders without ever questioning himself once. He was going to marry a girl who told him that all lives are not equal, ffs! yea she says this when tenma began to think that maybe, maybe, theres something wrong with all this so this sentence shocked him. But you cant tell me that the highly horrible personality of eva is something he wasnt aware of before ! and he was alright with that, because then by marrying her he would secure a brilliant career. He saves a rich person instead of a poor turkish husband, and he have to see his crying widow who tries to punch him to realize that maybe what he did wasnt really okay. And he was past his thirties, so its not a question of “the poor baby didnt knew there was inequality in the world and what he was doing was not nice ! “. He knew, and he chose again and again, for most of his life, to please a corrupt man to promote his career and have a good and safe life. So for me tenma is so, so problematic ! Because Tenma is the sort of man who sees what is wrong, but who chooses not to do anything against it. isnt this kind of people the worst ?? and thats why i love him ! and thats why his radical evolution caused by johann (when he saves the boy, then when he chooses to kill him), is so intriguing.

So yea tenma dont want to destroy johann just so people will be safe or for world peace or wtv BS -because he spent most of his life not caring about that, or caring but not to the point of getting personally involved. I think little johann is what triggers tenma to do something for the first time of his life. He goes from the guy who sees what is wrong but who doesnt feel like he can react so he just goes with the flow and become as horrible as everyone else, making him worse because he knows thats wrong -> to the guy who chooses, to the guy with an agency who decides to react. Little johan makes tenma becoming a person, its his trigger to personhood. And thats why, after his first encounter with johann, tenma become so different. Imo, the real monster is tenma in the beginning of the series - and johann makes him someone who uses his agency, he renders him human !

So 9 years later, when tenma finds out that the trigger of his humanity is actually the very negation of what is human, it goes ‘bam’ in his brain. We can understand why ! During this 9 years, he had the time to inhabit his new role of “a person with an agency” - he seems so calm, so confident and happy. Hes not the guy who knew that everything was wrong but just followed orders and closed his eyes anymore, he has a personhood and uses his newfound humanity to make the world a better place. He has a sense of purpose and realizes what it is that life is worth living (okay im projecting here lmao). Above all, he thinks that the choice he made (to become a person) is ultimately absolutely good. But then he meet johan for a second time, and actually realizes -wait, so me becoming a person can causes bad things ? was i wrong ? should i have stayed how i was before ?

And then we enter what is the core of Monster : we just follow someone who struggles to define what is being human. Before, like i said, tenma wasnt using his personhood. After johann triggers him to become a person, he basically lives a morally ideal life -save people, be a good person, no headaches of ‘what should i do’. The people who could have forced him to make actual difficult choices (his corrupt chief ) were conveniently dead. Then he met adult-johan, and bam ! so many contradictions. suddenly the answer is not that clear anymore. Then he realizes than with personhood comes the obligation to make dubious moral choices. Because for each choice we make, there are negatives consequences and positives ones, and we have to judge when the positives outcomes prevails on the negatives ones without ever being sure. And i think tenma chasing johan is him refusing this existing situation, is him trying to run away from the negatives consequences of becoming a person. Its him on a quest to know if getting access to personhood is absolutely good, a quest to know if his reason of living is legitimate. He cant think that there are not absolutely good choice, that sometimes the good choice can be to kill someone - or to save them, depending on the situation. There isnt absolute anymore : no real monsters, no real good person. We’re just human who struggles to do what we can. Once you have an agency, you have to take decisions. So for tenma, who basically have never taken decisions to construct himself as a person, his johann-hunting is basically that : hes chasing after his own definition of humanity. Whether he would have choose to kill johan or not, at the end, the manga completed the mission : theres no good choice, only choice you think are the best at one point. If he had chosen to kill johan, he would have chosen to kill someone ; if he had chosen to not kill him, he would have chosen to let someone else die. Whats better ? I am not sure. Personally, i think that if i could kill certain people i would do it, while knowing that this people are humans like me, just raised in different circumstances, because my ideas and my buddies’ lives are worth more than the life of the ones who threatens us : thats my answer of humanity. We alas dont get to see tenma’s answer… but anw. Thats my personal interpretation of what johann makes tenma do lol.

For Johann, the reason for his obsession with tenma is even less clear for me. Why johann wants tenma to understand him, to see him, so badly ? What makes tenma so special ? Johan seems to have a daddy complex, because tenma not the first middle-age man to have the dubious pleasure to be the object of johan desire to show “his” world to someone else. General wolf and schuwald both had to loose everything that was dear to them until they only have johann who then betray them deeply. But these two dont seem to catch the “scenery of the doomsday” so dear to johann ; and yet johann appears to be convinced that tenma can (and so that tenma is the one who should kill him). Why is that ? Why tenma is so different than wolfe and schuwald ?

I have numerous ideas but not one that convinced me too much. The first one would be how their first encounter resonates with them both and had the same effect of ‘triggering their humanity’. I already explained why i think johann is tenma’s personhood trigger. I also think tenma is johann’ trigger to humanity. Its kind of simple : tenma is the first one to show him that human could be good. Tenma saves him and risk his career without ulterior motives (or at least material motives, because like i said there were many philosophical and psychological stakes for tenma). For johann, who never knew that humans could be like that because his childhood environment was kind of,,not good, and who is still young enough to be impressionable, it could be enough to be interested in what tenma has to offer if he were to play with him. That plus the fact that he has deep parental issues and tenma is, like he said, a “second father” to him, so maybe he acts like a child would with his dad (in his twisted way), or rather with his god -tenma who creates him, tenma who destroys him. But i think its too emotional for johann.

Other idea : johann, being this prodigy, understand exactly what is tenma situation while saving him and his philosophical questions -lets keep in mind that tenma talks to johan often whil the boy is in a coma. He understands that tenma chooses ultimately *personhood* over everything that could make his life easy. And tenma’s answer is exactly the opposite of johann's way of seeing life, since johann chooses again and again to negate humanity. So he wants to destroy tenma’s philosophy, destroy tenma sense of what is being human : he creates the perfect life for tenma, wait for tenma to be really at ease with his situation, then slowly destroy everything until tenma would be forced to recognize the superiority of johann’ response. I really think johann is prepared to die just to win his mind game with tenma lmao, he’s that much of a sore loser.

Other theory, who dont necessarily conflicts with the others ones, its that johann didnt plan to make tenma this important in his life. He at first intended to do to tenma the same thing he had done to schuwald and wolfe, with maybe more sentiments knowing tenma was his second father and everything. But what changed his plan was tenma reactions. I dont think johann thought that tenma will go all lone ranger in the arizona forest to train to become a killer spy lmao, and when he saw that, he was like ‘oh funny’ (lets keep in mind that during the first half of the series, while he still thinks he was the one in the red rose mansion, johann is basically just playing a nihilistic game and dont put that much valor into anything). Maybe he became attached to him (whatever sort of attachment you headcanon), which was kind of a novelty to him since he didnt have any feelings toward anyone until then -his sister was himself and he was his sister, i dont think johann ever understand that nina was her own person until the end so feelings toward his sister doesnt count- and he was unsettled enough to want to keep tenma at hand. Like each time i see the schuwald arc im lmfao, when johan is all like little devilish smiles and sidelong glances each time he knows (how? no idea, he must have super powers at this point really) tenma is watching him like how much of an act it is ?? theres no reason for johann to do this ‘hihi cant catch me hellooo ;D ;D’ except being a drama queen. Which he is. so yea i cant help but wonder why he is acting this funny towards tenma lol

Or maybe johann never succeeded in negating his own humanity and ultimately couldnt bear to truly erase his own existence at the end, so he wanted someone to remember him to have a chance to live at least once -because johann understood that what makes us be is to make other people witness your existence. Tenma was the ideal candidate he stumbled upon -his sister being out of play since she was himself so not a true external witness and everyone else being too,, afraid of him or too under his charm to do anything.

AAAh so many ideas !! what is sure is that tenma is johann most important person and conversely. And since they met so infrequently the fandom has a highway to imagine other interactions. please people imagine other johan/tenma interactions. please im dying i dont understand these russian fics at all

So anyway sorry for this loooong ass post that nobody is going to read !! i just,,,,,,,,,,love monster,,,,,,,,,so much

#naoki urasawa's monster #johan liebert #kenzou tenma #naoki urasawa's monster meta #johan liebheart

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ocean-anchored · 3 years

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Dear Future Self - January 2, 22

It’s the second day of a new year and I was prompted to document this year with you so you can read back on these things in a year from now and see how far you’ve come. As I have been digging deeper into challenging myself and looking inward, it’s hard to see the progress that’s made when you’re physically in it each day and you need to take a step back. Hopefully reading back on these in a year will remind myself of how far I’ve come because I truly want this year to be a year for ME. My mind is in scrambles today. There’s this boy i’ve been talking with and have spent the last two weeks with which have turned into being some of the best two weeks that I have had in a long while. Where am I at? I’m a mess honestly. I am 6 months living out from what I thought would be the rest of my life with my husband. I am signing my portion of the separation papers on Wednesday and we will legally be separated. Come July I will be legally divorced. At 27. That scares the shit out of me. I told myself I wouldn’t date for years. I didn’t know how long but I knew I wanted to press into God, which I have been doing but the last few weeks haven’t been the greatest, and I wanted to completely transform from the person I was into becoming the person I want to be and I still want that for myself this year. I felt like I couldn’t do that with Travis. I felt trapped in being the person that he married who still had absolutely no idea who she was and when I tried to go deeper and work on myself, I felt like I didn’t have the support I needed and that it was always me doing too much or changing and life seems to go by so damn fast that I woke up and it had been 7 years together with someone that I felt wasn’t striving to make me a better person, he didn’t challenge me much other than pushing me at certain times to “do what I wanted” which was appreciated but didn’t feel like it was enough to truly push to be better and I felt like I was in the walk alone, trying to become a better version of myself alone and Im honestly not sure if he tried to push himself to be better outside of his superficial thoughts of trying to drink more water and how to excel in work to get paid more. I struggle with my heart right now. I want this year to be focused on me. I want to be self centered this year and make it about my growth and becoming the person I want to be so I can be better and be ready for someone. But my struggle is that I’ve met someone that I’ve grown so strongly to like in such a short time. I mean, our first day we met we went for lunch which turned into a 13 hour night together where he was generous to drop my car off to bring me to his friends so we could go to a flames game that I had been talking about and then ended up an EDC show which turned into ending the night at shwarma and that was the start of it. Our second day together ended up another lunch date which turned into another 10 hours of us talking and cuddling and spending time getting to know each other. I never meant to fall for someone like this and it scares me and I don’t want it to take away from me focusing on God and focusing on rebuilding myself because God knows I have a lot I need to work on. But that’s what gets me, is he’s in the exact same boat. Coming out of a 10 year relationship and separating assets and he’s also wanting to take the time to work on himself and he realizes that he’s broken. He’s so self aware that it makes me like him even more. His values and goals are so close with mine, our interests and passions are so similar. I can’t even imagine what could be and come of something with this man. But I guess we’ll find out in a year from now when I am looking back and reading this where he might be in my life at that point, but God I hope he’s in my life. I’m currently living at my work, in the basement of Danny’s workplace which is out of a house. Sitting here on the couch (debating when I should be taking down this christmas tree) with Nova laying beside me and the cat sleeping on nova’s dog bed. I am determining my path this year and weighing the options of starting a business. Whether it be e-commerce and drop shipping or if I want to start a dog treat business from home. Or do I invest more into work and take a marketing course to expand my knowledge and take on the marketing/social media side for Danny. Or do I start a business with crafts and resin and making things? Or should I expand my knowledge with Steven as he gave me the opportunity to learn how to edit and work for/with him? I love the idea of working with him, and starting my own business scares the shit of out me and my fear of failure definitely is heavy, I’m also so indecisive that I dont know what I want. You’ll know though, in a year from now when you read this, maybe you’ll actually laugh because I haven’t done any of these things and let another year go by, but I hope not because It’s been a year since I almost considered taking the course with that Academy for baking and I do look back and regret not taking it, even if I hadn’t started my own business, I regret not taking that risk and learning something deeper that I believe I’m passionate about. I hope by the end of this year that I am at the happiest point of my life. I hope that I have furthered my career and my position, I hope that I have started something for a side hustle whatever that might end up looking like, I hope that I will still be out of debt from my credit card and line of credit and that I would be really great at budgeting and saving money. I hope that I hit my fitness goals and feel confident in my body and happy with it and feel healthy and active. I hope that I go for more hikes this year and further my footprint of where I’ve been. I hope that I expand my group of friends and I find some really good core group of girls that I feel connected with and close to, because man do I crave that so bad. I hope to be there for many of Grayson’s firsts including his first birthday which I also expect that I will make his birthday cake because I think it would amazing if I could say that I’ve made all his cakes growing up, starting with his gender reveal cake. I hope that I expand my baking and that I get better at baking cinnamon buns, pies and decorating cakes. I hope that I heal. From the trauma, self doubt, and all the feelings that have overwhelmed me with going through this divorce and that I wont allow it to dictate who I am and I won’t allow peoples opinions of me weigh me down. I hope that by the end of this year that I have a good start to a savings account and that maybe next year I can look into buying my own place. I hope that I stay true to myself and who I want to be and grow into, I hope that I continue to strengthen my relationship with God and begin to know how to put him first in my life and fix my eyes on him because I know he has such greater plans and I just need to listen and trust in him. With that being said I hope right now that I might have some sort of future with this boy. But I also hope that God would allow work to be done that if it’s not right that he would gently drift us apart, because of course he lives in Kimberley. As much as I really like him and feel like he checks a lot of boxes off, I also hope and pray that God’s hand is in it. At this moment I can honestly say that yes, I am scared for what this year holds as the last 6 months have been tremendously hard and growing, but I’m also so excited for what this year can be and the opportunities that will come. I just hope I dont allow fear to dictate a lot of my actions and refrain me from taking risks. I want this year to be more of a yes year, but also choosing me in these choices and not hesitating so much if it’s something I want. Cheers to a new year, with new people around me and new opportunities that can change my life.

#dear future self #yearly journal reflection #new year

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 5 | “Wish me luck America” - Dan

I wanted a swap, i practically BEGGED for one because i was ready to cause chaos, so i swap happens .... but its NOT good for me whatsoever because all the people i wanted to flip on and get out somehow end up on the other tribe, and to make it even better, what sole beauty do i get stuck with? connor. yet ANOTHER person lying to my face STILL TELLING ME I WASNT A VOTE OPTION...... just another fool on the list of fools who think IM the fool so this is an interesting dynamic, 4 original brawn, 2 brain, 2 beauty. off the bat it looks like those 4 brawn could be solid, so ive already been working to talk to the brains tribe during the one world twist, so being with autumn and duncan could potentially be good for me, obviously i dont know how theyre feeling but in a perfect world i want to allign with the brains. As much as i would love to vote out connor right away just to send a big old middle finger to the alliance that included him over me in it, but im not sure that can happen. My only hope right now is that there's a crack within the brawn, if there is i can try and get in good with connor to maybe see about uniting with the brains and taking out a brawn, even if it meant 4-4 and going to rocks, im here to play so id absolutely do that. If the brawns arent that tight however, and i can just flip one to want to work with me, i can use that as an opportunity to start a new alliance maybe with the brains and a brawn to vote out connor/anyone else not in our numbers, not sure yet, theres so many scenerios game wise but i think especially in the last 24 hours ive talked a lot of game with people, so i need to calm down on that and get back to personal conversations to try and estabilish trust with anyone i might need down the line, if we even go to tribal which im hoping we just dont, because then not only am i safe, but i get to hopefully see someone on the other side go home, and i would love for it to be one of the frauds amir, augusto, or kendall. but its also terrifying since connor is such a wild card like what if he flipped to the brauns or the brains linked up with the brawn to pick me off? basically if im gonna survive this swap, i need a little bit of luck, a little bit more strategy, and some more connections to get me through, i thought thats what i was doing before though and it clearly didnt work too well so buckle the fuck up because i have no idea where we go from here

lmao remember a few hours ago when i said i hated this swap because it didnt give me much opportunity? well little did i know was all i had to do was bat my eyes a little and opportunity appeared right before me! meaning that, ive been trying to talk to and connect with some of these new people, ive had decent talks with liam and ali mostly, and i was trying to keep game talk minimal up until LIAM out of no where says to me, "oh i just realized someone on this tribe voted me out in a past game and i voted him out" so BITCH the second he says this all sorts of bells and buzzers are going off in my head like spill the tea i need to know!! and what does he say?? it's CONNOR. BITCH cue the choir and let the angels descend from above because im in HEAVEN hearing this!!! there's 16 people left and while i really think we have a strong tribe to win challenges so we may never go to tribal, if we do ive already begun shoving connor so far under the bus there wont be any time for him to get up by the time he realizes what hit him. I'm giving you Miss Rosa in orange is the new black running over Vee REALNESS SWEETIE. VROOM VROOM WATCH OUT BECAUSE HERE I COME. My favorite quote of all time is: the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and that's absolutely what ive been playing up here whether i can actually trust these brawns or not is beside the point, because right now i know for a fact i cant trust connor, he's still lying to me telling me i was never a target, so i have no use or even want to play with someone who thinks im an idiot. On a tribe of 8 you only need 5, and i am absolutely not opposed to setting myself up to be in a position where im the swing vote, if i make sure the brawns feel like they need me, and same with the brains, then i should be essentially... ok? until a merge??? maybe unless everyone here is lying to me too, most likely because im not a good player so im probably being duped dfhkasj I've also been working hard to try and let people in on the narrative that the beautys have this majority alliance and are a threat, because i want to do as much as i can to put a target on their back and get them out, while also opening up to hopefully let people know they can trust me, and i want people to still think im weak so im also going for that pity card playing it up how no one over there would talk to me and saying how bad it was, i shouldve watched what i said though because i did foolishly let Ali know about the tomb and how to crack it, i didnt mean to and i wasnt thinking we were just having such a good convo and while i do like talking to him, i have no idea if i can trust him with that so great job at my dumbass for giving myself more competiion in the tomb .... i went back in tonight and ill be damned there's new questions so i SHOULDVE kept my lips shut and i couldve had it to myself, but whatever, at least if he finds it he remembers who led him there, i also dont want to rely on any idols or advantages, let's do this the old school way and get shit done, and get these people out of here, one false beauty at a time, until im the last one standing!! and aj... we still trust aj he can stay, but the rest they can go and then they can lemme know how that alliance works out for them.

Woooo! I made it to the swap!!! My swapped tribe is actually pretty cute bc it’s a lot of the people I really talked with during the chaos round. I am concerned about the 4-2-2 split we have being an issue, but I have to trust my new former relationships will at least make me not the first person targeted. I’m so relieved to be swapped with Jakey because Jordan and Ali are definitely scary players and having them on the other side with the potential of being voted out (and not having to do it myself later) is honestly good. Jakey is more of a MOTR player and someone who I actually enjoy talking to about game and non game stuff so I’m excited to hopefully position him as my number 1 in this game. With all THAT being said.... Devon and I have played before and I literally blindsided him while working with him so I’m worried about that. My other concern is that me and Amir go way back... I love Amir, I’m just nervous about his ability as a game player. I’m just praying that we can win some comps in the swap so I don’t need to address any of these issues fksmjsjsjs. Wish me luck America.

the way i'm going to be the last person in the challenge who determines the tiebreak... which could keep me safe but seal jakey's fate... god this is so upsettingggg

I meant to do this earlier, but quick recap on my thoughts on the tribe swap. First, I'm elated to see that I have a majority of the Brawn on this tribe. I have Jordan who I'm closely aligned with, and I have both Liam and Ali who I've been working with and have a good game relationship with. That's where my initial excitement ended. Because the Brains and Beauty who I talked to the most during the One World Day - Devon, Scott, Kendall, Augusto - all ended up on the other tribe rather with my closest ally in Jakey whereas I got two Beauty who I hadn't talked to and two Brain who, while I was optimistic about, were more concerning in terms of their thoughts about me. But I'm going back to that social game I've been working on and I truly think that this swap is going to work well for me. I think I've specifically been building some good relationships with Adam and Duncan that will help me not be the target if a Brain/Beauty coalition forms. But now I just need to see if I can get through this damn tomb and go from there.

Whew! It's been a few days since I made one of these and boy do I have a lot of tea to spill! So after voting out Devon, a twisto's twist comes into play where we all go to one world and vote someone back into the game. I lowkey had a feeling this would happen... Like I really spent all day getting the HIGHEST score in that immunity challenge only for Devon to get voted back in 15-0-0. Nothing really important happened here except that Austin did a shitty campaign job and Lovelis just.. disappeared. Like bruh, you really don't want to come back huh? And then we swap tribes and of course I'm stuck on Thoth AGAIN!! I've accepted that I'm cursed this time around because I... am tired of being here. But, Duncan and Autumn are on the other tribe so this gives me a good opportunity to not only rebuild my relationship with Devon, but to make new allies moving forward. Personally, I think I need to cut ties with Duncan and Autumn and find new life. I realize that they are much closer to each other than they are to me and I can't work with that long term. The way they approached Devon for his vote out really proved it too. When it comes to rebuilding my relationship with Devon, I'm not gonna lie it's much more difficult than I thought it would be. Like I basically told him that the reason why I voted him out was because he snitched on me to Duncan and told Duncan everything I said to him on our call. I basically said I was hurt by that because I trusted him and then he went behind my back like that and it wasn't cool. Especially since i was considering letting it go to a tiebreaker challenge too! So then he tried to phrase it as "I would never lie to you, I had your back all the way to the end" and I'm kinda just like... okay but your actions speaks louder than your words. And you taking the action to approach Duncan and tell him everything I said to you wasn't cool. However I made it very evident that Duncan/Autumn are much closer then we thought and i think he gets it. I've slowly come to realize that he's the perfect goat to take to the end because he really lacks at the relationship building portion of the game. However, I need to be able to trust my goats and right now I don't trust Devon. He told me about the idol as a sign of trust, however he hasn't found the blog yet. (backtrack, Duncan shared the blog with me so I've been idol hunting, and now I'm just telling people I had no idea when they ask me about it LOL). So I might tell Devon I found the combination, but at the same time do I want him to have the idol? Not at all! I'm happy that this swap brings me to a lot of people that I can potentially work with. I know that Duncan and Autumn originally wanted to work with beauty to take out brawn, so I'm really happy that I have 4 beauties on my tribe. Out of the beautes, I really like Augusto, Amir, and Kendall. AJ hasn't spoken to me at all tbh... like we barely talked. Kendall and I talk briefly but she told me straight up that her/Amir/Augusto were a trio and that definitely doesn't make me feel comfortable. I'm just like "okay, let's leave this thought in the back of my mind for later." But I've spent a lot of time talking to Amir and Augusto, and I can see myself working with them long term. Augusto and I called for like a whole hour and a half, which is beautiful that we got along well so quickly. I like how they both plan to keep their word and don't like to make fake promises. It shows that they're genuinely good people and I think they're my kind of crowd. So I definitely want to work with them through the merge. I also wouldn't mind going to the end with Augusto too (Amir already won so I don't want to make that promise to him LOL). When it comes to the brawn, I gel most with Jakey. I would go to consider him my new #1 right now. I don't think I ever had a #1 on old Thoth mainly because Duncan/Autumn were so close and Devon is just.... being Devon. Jakey told me about the idol stuff which is great! Personally, I already knew about the idol, but to pretend to be shocked by it and go forward with it was the best move for me. But Jakey and I seem to be the smartest and most focused people here, so I need that. He gets me and is on my level. I'm considering taking him to the end with me if it comes to that just because I want to be loyal this time around. That's why I'm happy than an alliance of Me/Jakey/Augusto/Amir/Kendall was made because I want to stick with this 5 all the way to the end. And I'm happy to already be in a majority alliance because it means I can potentially get to the merge. I just hope everyone knows that I'm with them and want to stay loyal to them going into the merge. Because I would love to be able to say that I'm 5/5 on making it to the merge. It'd be a shame to end my last tumblr season as a pre-merge boot. In terms of this vote since we lost the challenge AGAIN, I'm open to voting out either AJ, Devon, or Dan. I know people want to keep Devon around I'm happy with that. I'd hate to vote him out again after that last round, but also told people that I would do so if it meant that I would solidify trust with them in doing so. Which leaves us to Dan and AJ. I'm open to either of them going that round, mainly because I haven't spoken to either of them that much. I would perfer AJ just because he's a beauty and I'm skeptical about keeping all of the beauties around. At the same time, Dan can be a little aggressive so I also wouldn't mind getting rid of the negativity within the tribe. So many decision to make!! I just hope I make the right one.

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I take back everything I said about feeling good about the swap. No one is willing to talk about the vote with me so I guess that means it’s me??? I don’t know I’m just not feeling good and my gut is pretty good most of the time so we’ll have to see.... I just like don’t fuck with people who don’t wanna talk?? Like why play???

I am little fucked. Honestly if I was going to get voted out I would like it to be because of my #bigmoves or #smartbrain but nope it's cause of 2 minutes. And that's infuriating! Like I work my ass off in basically every other challenge! I drew the tribe flag, I took the lead on the word puzzle thingy, I got a reasonable number of scavenges!!!! And now I'm going to die. Like a lil bitch. I'm trying my best not to struggle cause voting is like quick sand, the more you panic the more you sink in. But logically I don't have much to worry about. Devon is willing to work with me, I already have two solid allies, and Jakey and Scott have both reached out. But the back of my mind is... bad. I'm so stressed out and Pissy. Fuck Dan. Fuck his stupid face. The only thing keeping me from throwing him out is I don't want people to have the perception that the beauty tribe is a unit. Oh yeah we are voting out AJ even though he probably has an idol which isn't great for me because he could probably get wind of that thing that's happening where people want to kill me and get on board and proceed to kill me. That was a mouthful but I don't have to be eloquent when I'm going to fucking dieeeeeeee. I'm barely holding it together. Help me Survivor Jesus.

Augusto, 1:02 PM K so Dan said that he heard AJ would be a unanimous vote didn’t tell me who but he said that that person could just be projecting what they want Daniel Disbrow go fuck yourself. Projecting my lily white ass.

Whew i love when things work out for me. This tribe swap went great for me. I feel very confident about my position on this tribe. I am good with Ali, Tj, and Liam all through seperate links to myself which im hoping can keep me as a centralized figure on this tribe. Ive formed a very good relationship with Adam so far who definitly feels on the outs of the beauty which is great. I thought i could be good with connor, but hes kind of been blowing me off so idk, he could be a target if we lose. As for the brains on my tribe Im talking more to duncan than autumn, but im gonna work on forming a stronger relationship with her on the chance were both at merge which i think is likely. I feel bad for Jakey and dan, two people I did want to work with, however I would be okay if they left as it would lesten the target on me at the merge with less brawn numbers and a larger beauty group to be scared of a group against. Sometimes you got to sacrafice pieces in chess and if they lose it sucks but ill move on. Im optimistic about moving forward through this next phase of the game.

wow i cant believe i almost DIDNT make a confessional for this round but here we go: not much more has happened over here since the swap, we absolutely did perfect in the immunity, so we wont be going to tribal, which is cool because im guaranteed safety and now i can just spend my time trying to work on these relationships that i need out here if im gonna make it a couple steps further and plot my revenge against the false beautys and make the moves that are gonna benefit ADAM and no one else. The original night of the swap i found myself having longer convos with the brawns and letting them all in on the tea about how those false beautys have a majority alliance and how they were plotting against me for no reason, so last night i was talking more so with autumn/duncan individually and they also asked about tribe dynamics so guess what, i spilled the tea to them now too, and they seemed to believe what i was saying, which granted, life on old hathor wasnt HORRIBLE it's not like people were like LETS JUST POINT AND LAUGH AT HIM ...but this new tribe dont know all that, so im absolutely going to be hyperbolizing and over-exaggerating the situation completely still because that's what i do best, i have a strong personality and a way with words so if i can paint the narrative to look better in my light, i absolutely am, and i mightve got lucky with connor here because other people are telling me he's hard to talk to, which makes it 10x easier for them to believe me, because i am still telling the truth, he's one of them, and he's clearly a snake lying right to my face so im making sure they know he'll lie to theirs too. i dont want to get to confident with my postion though whatsoever, because these are all good players and im just a dumb bitch so odds are, someone is playing me and i probably look like a fool but whatever, i only know as much as people will tell me so either way i just have to go with the flow in a sense, whether im the one steering the ship or just the clown aboard, is TBD. i also found it QUITE pleasing to see how for the other tribe, kendall is the one who messed up and cost them the win, however i know she's got her little puppets with those other false beautys so im not sure if theyll take her out. Looking at that tribe, id be happy with almost anyone going but the biggest plot twist of them all is ..... i think i want jakey to stay? me and him had a good talk at one world actually, i began planting seeds with both him AND kendall about each other so i might have inadvertently pinned them even more against each other, unless they put 2 and 2 together and realize i was kinda just telling them both what they wanted to hear, i didnt think id want to work with jakey this game but now that i know i cant work with those false beautys, i might need him to stick around and do damage to them over there for me but really, i dont give a shit who goes home from them, aj is the only one of the false beautys im not 100% against yet because he is my friend, and maybe we can still somehow work together from opposing sides to keep each other safe but who knows, and jakey staying would be good for me because he's a threat and potentially could be on my side again (unless he was just lying and wants me out BAD then uh... he can go but hopefully not because i need that group broken up more than i do him gone even if he is after me) im also trying out a new strategy ive never used before........ i made my skype icon a selfie of myself, now let me make it clear, i absolutely DO NOT think im that attractive, years of low self esteem have made that nearly impossible for me to believe, but im starting to feel myself a little!! i think i would give myself at least a 5/10, so its definitely a reach but im really just hoping by seeing the real me maybe that helps people wanna talk and open up to me more? either that or it will do the opposite and scare them away oop. but ive had good responses so far? i got a "whew", a "whoa", and a "oh my..." from different people so um... i think that's good dfhuakj??? at this point in the game, i have to identify my own strengths and weaknesses and go from there, because clearly im not meant to find the idol every time i go to the tomb i flop, im just not meant to be an idol queen, but i wont give up!!! im gonna try again later tonight and hopefully find it, or at least see for sure if someone else has found it and that's what you missed on akhmim! (from my very singular and most likely delusional perspective)

I love Amir and Augusto. Like not to sound like a sentimental little bitch but I would kill for them. I have been the worst these past couple of hours and here they are all supportive and shit. I talk a big game. Like I consistently declare my villainy and keep pushing for #bigmoves but I will literally cry like a baby if I had to ever do anything to them. So I've decided I won't. I still intend on winning, I'm just not going to do it with their blood on my hands.

Well...IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK! I was expecting to 'Slither' my way back in, but clearly didn't imagine myself coming back on a 15-0-0 vote. If you had asked me about who I felt GREAT about prior to the swap, I would have said Jake and Augusto, so it's nice to have them on Thoth with me. Going into the swap, here are the headlines: 1. Scott/I are back on the same tribe. He clearly doesn't trust me like he did before since I told Duncan about me knowing they were targeting me. Can we build that trust back? 2. OG Beauty vs the rest. For some reason, OG beauty is willing to vote out AJ and ease everyone's paranoia. We could have just as easily gotten rid of Dan, but whatever. 3. Alliance chats. I was told that Kendall/Amir/Augusto had an alliance chat, and it doesn't help that apparently Scott hosted Kendall early in her TS career. I need to make sure my connections stay strong enough moving forward

I finally learned the system to find the idol and it’s been found in the new tribe. I really hope Scott takes the time to find the Thoth idol. Firstly May I say the daddies are reborn with Devon being able to re-enter the game which is amazing! Unfortunately we got split up and now they face 4 beauties and 2 brawns on Thoth and autumn and I got to come be on Hathor. Adam spilled the tea about the Hathor 5 and its looking like Conor will be the first out if we end up at a tribal. I’m so happy to be off of Thoth. It was like a sinking ship and that tribe is cursed. On the flip side, for the first time this game, I DONT HAVE TO GO TO TRIBAL COUNCIL!!! YEEEHAW!!! I feel so grateful but also know if they lose 3 challenges then we’re losing Scott or Devon which would be horrible. I don’t know how comfortable I am with my position as it stands but I’m just grateful not to lose and probably feel most bad for Scott. I hope the daddies can survive this swap and perhaps make it back together come merge

I really haven’t said shit huh gfhjdksl WELL, tons happened last round like someone coming back into the game and me getting to meet everyone finally! Devon returning was the best case scenario as him and I created a really weird yet good bond which I’m thankful for! Autumn and I meshed so well, Duncan and I bonded quickly, I also bonded with Scott/Jakey/Dan, and then had good convos with TJ/Liam M/Jordan/Ali so that was cute. We ended up swapping into 2 tribes of 8 afterwards which wasn’t TOO bad especially considering who is on this tribe like I got crazy lucky. We have 4 Beauties, 2 Brain, and 2 Brawn on this tribe and the other tribe has 4 Brawn, 2 Brain, and 2 Beauties which is a thing. But yeah, I have really high hopes? My connections here are strong personally so I want to just build on that.

following the austin #blinside, we were BEANBOOZLED again and told that austin, as well as lovelis and devon would be pining for our votes to stay. all the tribes ended up on one beach but the initiative for the beauties was clear: austin could NOT come back. love him and all but after boldface lying to him and voting him out.. it just doesn't add up, right? so, the vote was really a matter of lovelis and devon, but then it just became of matter of "okay devon's coming back point blank" since lovelis wasn't really active. this didn't stop austin, however, from going around and throwing us under the bus, telling kendall her name was going around, outing the original plan to austin, all the while assuring us he was "beauties strong!" i respect the hustle but it ain't me! i decided not to lie to to him and told him upfront he wasn't getting my vote, little did i know it was going to be 15-0-0 for devon to come back. the perks of the one world twist was the fact i got to mingle with everyone i'd been excited to see from jordan pines to autumn! it was also a clear front for the fact that we'd be swapping right after, which we did! thankfully, the swap worked out for me perfectly. augusto, amir and kendall are all here with me and i got along with devon and jakey great! i also talked to scott and we bonded as well, and dan and i tried to recover from amnesia over a game we played a few years ago. i don't think i was put in a poor position at all, and in a must of confidence, i don't see myself going home like.. at all unless things change for the worse. the challenge came and went, and apparently one mistake cost it all but it didn't really matter to me because i have kendall's back and i know she has mine, so there was no chance i was gonna let her go over some two minute slip up. however, that was enough for dan to target her after we lost the challenge so the sexy procrastinators (basically leaning tower of penis bar connor) are counteracting by voting dan! do i feel bad because dan also asked if we could work together? hell yeah. do i feel REALLY bad? not really! he's a very nice gentleman, however, i'm pretty much on good terms with everyone on the tribe (and have solid allegiances with half of them) so i'm put into a rock and a hard place! i will say though, besides that, things have been really quiet compared to how things were on original hathor. there was always conversation going, even if it wasn't game, so it feels WEIRD when you're not talking to anyone within the hour. does that make me nervous? absolutely. am i assuming that there's an ulterior plot against me? more than i should! i just need to get myself together though and stop freaking out, what happens happens and if the that plot is indeed true then they got me gals!

i’m me having high hopes for our tribes and us losing badly… the delusion! That being said, I oddly feel safe? I have my trio with Amir and Kendall (where I have solid duos with both), a secret duo with Devon, Dan and I have this Seychelles thing going, AJ trusts me I think, and then I’ve connected well with Scott and Jakey on a personal level so that’s fun! I’ve been telling every non-Beauty that I do genuinely want to stray away from playing outside of tribal lines because alliances made out of convenience are not as strong as alliances made out of connection. I just want to pretend myself as a very fluid, easy-going player/person in hopes that these players want to scoop me up for literally anything they want to do. My ideal boot order for this tribe would be AJ, Dan, and Jakey. AJ leaving opens up the game for me as it means I stuck to my word as not wanting to play by tribal lines, Dan leaving is mostly to appease to others but also because Dan could be dangerous later on, and Jakey is who I REALLY want to see leave because he has been the main person who has gotten and spread info on this tribe and he strikes me as the most threatening person so removing that before a merge is KEY. But yeah, that’s where I am at!

I definitely need to step my pussy up in this game… like I feel extremely well about how I’m playing socially (I’ve been in tons of alliances, have gotten to really KNOW everyone I think, have been calling people for hours on end, have gotten information from all directions, etc) but I need to be better at talking game with people. Kendall and Amir have been doing extremely well about getting information out of Scott and Jakey respectively because they initialize game talk with them to do so and I personally struggle with that? I will say, I’ve been really good at getting people on my side to tell me things in the first place but I want EVERYONE to give me the tea like… I got my cup ready for all the tea so spill it please (‘:

I know I’ve done a super bad job at narrating everything that has happened this round but that being said, I haven’t done a bad job this round in the slightest. A sis really 1) established a connection with every player on my tribe [as in, I have an alliance with every single person in some capacity] 2) I am a part of the majority alliance 3) the people on the “bottom” feel good about me and have told me things 4) I’ve gotten close to getting to the end of Thoth’s Tomb which is awesome 5) I feel safe amid some messes this round [like Kendall telling Scott about her, Amir, and I being a trio which nnn] 6) I’ve honestly tried to downplay my gameplay to people by narrating my past seasons to people on call and explaining how I’ve been betrayed by my closest allies so I want something genuine and different this time AND also continuously asking my allies for “help” on talking to others to build even more trust [Amir told me he’s glad I’m in this game because I’m the only level headed one, Devon told me he trusts my judgements on anything, etc]... so yeah, a bitch might be doing that?

Sooooo I think AJ is going tonight? Which is fine because he’s throwing my name around even though I actually was interested in working with him lmao. I was hoping Kendall would go because she literally does not talk, but I’ll take what I can get. Jokes on me when I get blindsided

jakey just told me he's voting for me.. so yes i'm freaking out and yes i'm convinced i'm going home you CANNOT tell me otherwise https://66.media.tumblr.com/376a5e921389df0e5d37a54da9734e04/ebea8f0b6df920b0-57/s640x960/e1f351d79a9ea08058418a032c97026926156df5.gif

kendall and augusto sat me down on call and basically told me it was over https://66.media.tumblr.com/376a5e921389df0e5d37a54da9734e04/ebea8f0b6df920b0-57/s640x960/e1f351d79a9ea08058418a032c97026926156df5.gif

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I hate everyone lmao. I initially started saying we should vote Ken Doll, or whatever her name is, before I knew AJ was throwing my name around. And of course someone threw a vote on Kendall, and now I have Ken Doll in my PMs being like “ballsy how you still voted for me” that’s funny sis, I don’t even know how to spell your name.

Not me almost putting Thoth on the tribe option lmaaaaooo old habits die hard. I would just like to take this time to thank the Academy, the hosts for swapping me well and allowing me to succeed in a way I never could in Thoth, and my new tribe for being both wise enough to listen to me when I come up with a plan and solid enough to deliver. Being immune? It's a lifestyle and I really missed it Ok so things are going well on Hathor (knock on wood)? I've talked to everyone, we're in a good spot, and I'm not worried about anyone.... but I am nervous but we'll come back to that. I feel fantastic about Ali- this is our third time playing together and every time we see each other we just pick up right where we left off, both as friends and allies. But it's really special this time around since we've both won a main? So we're in a unique boat that no one else in the cast is except Amir. Basically now we have each other's backs more than ever because our stakes look different as well as our threat levels compared to everyone else. I also discovered that TJ and I went to the same fucking COLLEGE??? When I say I'm gagged ugh. So yeah I think there's a new level of trust and kinship there since we share something so major that's not game related. And I think both of us are kind of alone? So that helps bridge the gap even more Ok now for all the other menses.... I have always been nervous about Jordan Pines simply because he's Jordan Pines. I know how I am and I know how he is so him being so tame and quiet the entire game is spooky to me and I don't buy it. I'm trying not to start shit obviously but I think it would be risky to wait until Jordan goes full Jordan before making a move but we'll leave it for now. Iiiiiii am no longer sure what to make of Adam and Connor. I actually really liked both of them the past couple days and was considering working with them but it has come to my attention that Adam has been telling everyone the same story about him being on the bottom of the original Hathor and that everyone needs to get rid of Connor since he's apart of that block. When I thought I was the only person with the tea, I was like YEAH ABSOLUTELY but then hours later Duncan tells me the same thing and then today Ali not only tells me that's what Adam said but apparently he said it to Liam as well. So I'm like SIR- tea is only special when it's private. You trying to get the entire tribe to rally to kill one specific person based on something that none of us can fact check is messssyyyy. I know there's some truth to it because Austin also was very adamant that Hathor couldn't be trusted but the whole thing is convenient to me, that Adam is hellbent on getting Connor out and really playing up the victim angle. And the gag is, if Connor ever goes, where does that leave Adam? Cause if you're willing to campaign this early over something that specific, what will you do to target the rest of us? Like ok we're all comparing notes now but that's cause it's pre-merge. Iiiiiii don't know if Adam needs to make it to merge if he's so generous with his spiked tea. And then that leaves Duncan, who is my dad yes and who I've been with the whole game but I'm really trying to diversify and look elsewhere. I don't wanna hurt Duncan but I do get this impression that he sees this as "our" game and that's why he's very keen to know who I'm talking to, who I trust, am I looking for the idol, do I need any help, etc. To the point where I feel like it's gonna become a liability situation, like because we're friends I'm SUPPOSED to both protect him every single round but also approve everything by him and take him to the end. And just so we're clear my game is mine and mine alone. I didn't come into this game to play for or with anyone and y'all know I have too much Sagittarius in my chart to let a man control my game. And no I'm not reaching because Duncan was tripping about me having a good relationship with Devon, to the point where he and Scott made a side group with Devon before tribal to convince Devon to vote me- mind you all of this came to my attention AFTER tribal and from Devon, even though it was Scott and Duncan's idea to vote Devon in the first place. Soooo explain to me why Duncan is questioning my loyalty when I'm voting out another ally over him and then you wanna go do side shit even though the vote was locked and already unanimous?? No ma'am I'll fuck you up. I really killed my bb to protect my dad and he over here trying to micromanage and teach me lessons. Sir there's plenty of game left don't try it. ALSO DEVON BB I MISS YOU YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT SCUNCAN SO PLEASE DON'T DIE ON THOTH

Okay I literally don’t even know where to start with this entire round, so ughhhh lets just make lil blurbs and word vomit all the thoughts in my head. Okay first, alliances. Me kendall Augusto. I trust these 2 more than anyone else in the game, but Kendall is a mess and a half and has accidentally leaked so much shit or purposely idek I know it’s not malicious, she’s super loyal she’s just silly. She told Scott that me her and Augusto were a trio, which like why tf would u do that ??? anyway, Scott told jakey who told me. Next is me aj kendall Augusto which is a cover up to tell aj to vote dan because the actual vote is aj, but no one wants aj to use his idol. Everyone on our tribe is like sure aj has the idol now, and I’m trying push that too, because I have it lmfao and I don’t want people to know I have it. Next is the new main alliance, me kendall Augusto Scott and jakey. I DONT KNOW ABOUT THIS AT ALLLLLLLLLL, everyone wants to vote aj out, and I’m telling Augusto and Kendall, like y’all realize we are giving them the opportunity to 4-3 us next round? And kill the beauties ?? Like how is that smart ?? But at the same time, getting rid aj could cement Scottie and jakey. It just depends if they try and make a move against me Augusto and Kendall next round if they think we are a trio. However, me and Augusto have planned beyond such and in that case, I have ammo. Let’s check the armoury: - Augusto is insanely tight with Devon now, we can use him as a weapon - jakey ratted on dan to Kendall and ratted on the majority alliance, we can turn dan against jakey. So if Scott and jakey think of pulling a fast one on us, I’ll tank their games so fast and make sure they go down with us . Lastly , I’m fucking terrified. Because with this vote, if jakey Scott Devon and dan team up and vote me just to do it, I’m going to go home 4-3-1. I’m putting my faith in this alliance and my gut is telling me to trust jakey and trust Kendall and trust Augusto. Basically, there’s huge pros and cons to what we are doing right now. However, assessing the situation, if I put my foot down hard and force all 4 beauties to stick together, it’s a bad move for my game . Jakey will be mad, Scottie won’t trust us, and I’d be forcing Kendall and Augusto to do what they don’t want to do, and aj is an ally who is almost never online. It’s simply not worth it. The better move is let aj go, create these bonds and take these risks, and secure that I won’t get caught about the idol And then merge is a whole other fucking story, Ali and autumn and Duncan and Jordan must be dealt with.

Nothing is chaotic. This is weird. I don't feel in danger anymore and could clearly get away with making the merge. Connor has left me on seen once already and I've voted him out before. Target numero uno, come on down!

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#BackWithVengeance

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voices-softasthunder · 7 years

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for the 30 days of character development challenge: 3, 6, 8, 10, 13, 17, 27!

so katie you sent me this ask literally MONTHS ago but bc you’re so amazing and sent me a bunch of asks i didn’t get around to answering all of them!! so here you go, questions you probably forgot you asked about my ocs (and made me decide which ones to answer for, rip im so indecisive!)

3.) Name one scar your character has, and tell us where it came from. If they don’t have any, is there a reason?

So one of the first I think of is Vivienne Beauregarde. She’s a Gryffindor who was in 6th year during the Battle of Hogwarts, but already of age so she was allowed to stay behind to fight (though obviously plenty who weren’t allowed did stay too!) Viv is…. ferocious. She throws herself full force into things, which included the fight. Her twin sibling Mallory, who she loves with all of her heart, was fighting too and happened to be one of the more skilled-at-Healing members of Dumbledore’s Army, so Mal was one of the three designated field medics in the battle. Viv devoted herself to protecting Mal in the fight - both because strategically, they needed as many Healers as possible, and because she absolutely loves her twin. This meant Viv did so much to protect Mal, at the cost of her own safety. When Mal was hit with a Disarming Spell, Viv just handed them her wand without a second thought. She then broke off a leg of an Acromantula she’d killed to use it as a weapon now that she didn’t have her wand (the leg has barbs an inch or so long so it’s a pretty damn useful weapon for fighting up close!) and uses that. It’s honestly a miracle she dodged the Killing Curses, but she was hit with a lot of spells that did damage but still couldn’t bring her down. Acromantula bites, cursed wounds, all sorts of injuries and she stayed on her feet for hours. The only reason she didn’t die is when she finally collapsed, Mal was right there to stabilize her and so she made it until the Battle was won and she got full medical care at St. Mungo’s. Now, with all that backstory, she obviously has a lot of scars. One of her big ones is a huge Acromantula bite on her arm (since she tackled a lot of those up close). She also was hit with a Reducto full in the abdomen, but Mal was able to keep that from killing her, so she just has the scorch marks and shiny regrown skin to show where it almost blew her apart. Interestingly though, for where she *doesn’t* have scars is on her face and neck. That’s because when she was being healed at St. Mungo’s, they healed a lot of the damage there while she was unconscious (one spell that had hit her in the face was possibly messing up her breathing, so understandable to repair that damage, and then they just went on to clear more of it). However, once she woke up Viv was angry they healed a lot of the superficial damage on her face. They’re her battle wounds, her marks of valor - proof of what she went through for her twin. She insisted that they be left behind. Lucky for her, the Healers hadn’t gotten around to doing the cosmetic work on scars below her neck, so she still has a huge array of scars to show there.

That turned out really long but honestly I have so many other possible scars to talk about for people rip! I’ll also talk about Lavender (who isn’t an OC but is an important character in all of this). She survives the Battle with deep scars from Greyback, mostly at her neck and upper torso. Since they’re cursed, she doesn’t have a choice of whether to heal them or not, and they are always really vivid. As soon as she’s released from the hospital, she joins the fledgling group of Aurors who are being recruited to have a defense against future dark wizards (as does Viv, since who could keep her away!? Her recuperation is way longer though so she doesn’t join until a few months after the battle, whereas Lavender and others start training within the first week). Lavender gets new scars in the future of course, but one of her werewolf-caused scars is visible on the underside of her jaw and she has them all over her neck, so they’re by far her most visible. This absolutely produces a challenge in Auror training when she and others have to pass the concealment tests that Tonks mentioned in OotP!

6.) Describe your character’s happiest memory.

Ooh this is hard to pin down just one thing! Even my OCs with the toughest lives have multiple good spots to choose from.

For Sue, her happiest memories involve her beloved partner Beck, her family, or both. Beck’s family was… not the most involved ever, and when nobody comes to pick them up after their first summer when Hogwarts ends, Sue’s mother decides that Beck is coming home with them until their mother or stepfather get their shit together and get Beck, because no twelve-year-old is going to be waiting alone at the train station obviously! That’s the first of many times Beck goes to the Li household (their flat is right in London so it’s very easy to go there from Kings Cross), and sometimes it’s hours, sometimes it’s weeks. While that’s obviously shitty, that’s the background to a lot of Sue’s happy memories where her partner (who for the first few years they know each other, they say best friend! Then girlfriend comes later) is so unequivocally welcome in her family. So many good holiday moments there, and there was one Chinese New Year celebration that fell during the Hogwarts winter holidays that Beck was able to attend, which made Sue so happy that the most festive holiday for her family was now something Beck could take part in! That’s definitely up there for happiest memory, but maybe one concrete one is right after her little brother Todd comes out to their family as trans (he’d learned it was a possibility and it was okay through Beck, who by the time they’re 16 is out to everyone including all of the Li family). Because Richard and Catherine Li are probably the best parents EVER, they accept and affirm Todd 100%, as does the oldest Li sibling, Ava. What they don’t understand yet, they ask and want to know (and Sue and Beck have done a lot of reading when Beck was trying to figure out their identity, so they have the information!) The specific memory that’s one of Sue’s favorites is when Todd gets his wish to have his hair “cut short just like Sue’s!” and she helps him buzz his hair. Their parents and older sister are there and supportive, and so is Beck, chatting with Todd in the British Sign Language that they had worked so hard to communicate well with Sue’s mother and siblings. It’s really representative of so much good in her life that she loves about her family.

Another character who does have a few happiest memories I can pin down is probably Anthony! A lot of his happiest memories were also during summer vacations, specifically with his best friends Kevin and Phoebe. There’s one specific summer day they’re all at Kevin’s house, goofing off in the kitchen (maybe helping with dinner? maybe causing more distraction than actual help?) and singing and dancing. Anthony has loved theater and plays all his life, and while he can’t sing on key at all, Kevin has sung all his life and Phoebe is pretty talented as well. He had taught them some of his favorite musicals, and Phoebe and Kevin dancing around and singing along. There definitely would have been some Into The Woods, A Chorus Line, and Anthony’s (at the time) favorite, Pirates of Penzance. One of Kevin’s dads took a break from cooking to get out the camera and snap some pictures to immortalize their fun, which were very cherished mementos later, if so incongruous to remember when they were that young and carefree… Anthony did have very happy memories even in later years in the war though, especially with Blaise when they officially started dating in the beginning of 1998. They had a ton of happy moments, like the first time they told each other “I love you”, or almost all of their spring vacation where they were free from Hogwarts and spent nearly all of their time together. Anthony really cherishes a memory from a little after Valentine’s Day when they were in the Prefects’ bathroom together (a place with decent privacy to protect their secret relationship!) and just fell asleep in each other’s arms.

8.) Day of Favorites! What’s your character’s favorite ice cream flavor? Color? Song? Flower?

Hannah’s favorite ice cream is strawberry cheesecake. Her favorite color is light green, her favorite song is Celestina Warbeck’s Could Any Seer Have Foretold This, and her favorite flower is probably a bulbous buttercup or trumpeting lily.

Phoebe’s favorite ice cream is probably chocolate but in milkshake form, and her favorite color is purple (either violet or lavender, either is beautiful). She has a lot of favorite songs, but pretty much all are from musicals - Without You from Rent always makes her cry and she loves almost every song in that show; Dust and Ashes from Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 is one of the most recent additions to her favorites list. However her all time favorite might be Les Miserables’ Bring Him Home (her mother is French so she fell in love with the original Les Mis book, and knows both the French and English songs to all of Les Mis!)

10.) Can you define a turning point in your character’s life? Multiples are acceptable.

Two turning points in Padma’s life! The sad one is the Battle of Hogwarts where she lost her sister and many other people important to her. She had never imagined the war would end so soon, thinking it could stretch years into adulthood and of course it seemed inevitable that some loved ones would die, but the reality of it and the war so abruptly being over took a lot of grappling to understand. Rebuilding the wizarding world was a huge part of her life that began after that turning point of course. She also had a few lasting injuries from the Battle - she’d fought on the roof of the Astronomy Tower, which was an amazing vantage point for firing down at the Death Eaters below. However, they realized this before long and began amassing forces against it and the other towers they had strategically placed fighters. None of Voldemort’s forces were able to take the towers to then use for their own snipers, Padma and her comrades fighting them off. They tried their best though and one Death Eater who flew up on broomstick fired a Dark curse at her that cut deeply into her face, and if she hadn’t partially dodged probably would have beheaded her instead of just leaving a huge scar (I considered talking about her in the scar portion but it was already really long!) It was never fully healed because of the Dark magic, and it left her with limited mobility on the right side of her face because of the damage. Once the Death Eaters realized they wouldn’t gain control of any of the towers, they decided to just destroy them. A few of the smaller ones like the West Tower had the stone roof turned into molten lava by a powerful curse, so the fighters on that one needed to be quickly evacuated and it became useless. The Astronomy Tower lasted the longest, but its damage was most severe. While the other towers mostly just had the roof and battlements destroyed so nobody could stay to fight there, the combination of giants attacking the base and Death Eaters flying around it led to the whole thing crumbling. Padma was one of the few to survive of all of those who were on the towers, because she was already halfway down the tower from it crumbling apart, clinging to the outside for dear life, when it was all brought to rubble and so she didn’t fall to her death. She did a ton of damage to her right foot when she eventually hit the ground, though luckily for her it was a short enough drop to be survivable.

That’s long and pretty depressing but the more fun turning point in her life was the gay awakening! She was in her 20s and had spent all of her life until then thinking she was straight because she had been in relationships with guys and it was very hard to identify the lack of attraction there by its absence. She just thought other straight women had the same indifference to dating she had. It was one day when she was entranced by her fellow Auror Susan Bones working out, doing press ups and biceps showcased. That was when Padma was hit with holy fuck this is what they’re talking about when people say they’re actually attracted to someone. After that, things made so much more sense in her life.

13.) What does your character’s bed look like when he/she wakes up? Are the covers off on one side of the bed, are they all curled around a pillow, sprawled everywhere? In what position might they sleep?

Ginny steals all of the covers every time, so they’re bunched around her. Harry (or one of her other partners, since they’re both polyamorous and date other people) often has a little corner pulled back but it’s very imbalanced! She sleeps on her side and legs curled up underneath her, often turned away from her partner so that she can be the little spoon. When she sleeps alone, the sheets often get tangled because she still pulls them in her sleep! Once the kids are born, if they need to be in her bed after a nightmare or something, she’ll hold them close in front of her (which helps comfort them and keep them covered instead of having the sheets accidentally pulled off of them by Ginny!)

Priscilla Wagner sleeps on her side too, but ramrod straight. Her one hand is always under her pillow, holding her wand so she’ll be ready at a moment’s notice. Her covers are tucked in very loosely so she can kick them off easily and instantaneously, and jump out of bed unhindered by anything. She doesn’t sleep too well.

17.) What’s your character’s desk/workspace look like? Are they neat or messy?

Ava Proudfoot becomes Head Auror by default after the war, since she and Kingsley are the only fully trained Aurors who are still alive and didn’t fight with the Death Eaters when it served their best interests. Kingsley obviously becomes busy running the whole government as Minister, so training the few remaining trainees who also were on the right side of the war and all of the new recruits is a very busy job. She manages to keep her office absolutely pristine though. None of them know how she does it. Ron and Dean dare each other to make messes there; dumping untidy sheafs of paperwork or leaving crumbs from a pastry they happened to be eating while meeting with her. They keep trying to figure out how she gets everything so clean so well; it doesn’t even seem like she reaches for her wand to cast the cleaning charms. She just has everything in order and however she does it, it impresses the hell out of everyone.

Ginny has different workplaces through the years - immediately after the war ends, she works in a task force to round up remaining Death Eaters, Dementors, etc after the war (they serve basically as a short-term interim Auror squad - the new Auror trainees are being worked round the clock to get as fully qualified as quickly as they can, so there’s not much time for them to do the necessary immediate work! There were many people like Ginny who weren’t interested in joining the Aurors because that would be a career commitment of years, but she and Luna and many others work for the months that they need immediate help.) Then she’s free to go do other things, which is in her case becoming a chaser on the Holyhead Harpies. She doesn’t have concrete workspaces for either of these jobs - for the work she does to rebuild after the war, she’s basically based out of home and then meets the others on their missions. As a Quidditch player, it’s mostly just her locker where she stores all of her equipment, and then the whole sky around their pitch is her workspace! Her locker is a goddamn mess though - Harry helps remind her to bring back the dirty laundry and they figure out some good charms to clean out the pervasive odor of sweat in there. Still, her Quidditch uniform and gear is always strewn about and very disorganized. The only pristine thing is her broom, a beautiful Nimbus 2004 that she gets issued by the team and is pretty much the nicest thing she’s ever been able to call hers in her life. She polishes it every day and stores it inside her locker in a fabric case that keeps all of the dirt away from it - and is magically reinforced so if/when she throws her boots or helmet carelessly into the locker, the case will protect the broom. Later in her life, after Ginny retires from professional Quidditch, she works as a sports reporter and primarily writes from home (to nobody’s surprise, her desk there is a mess!) She has a cubicle at The Daily Prophet offices in London, but rarely works there even when all of the kids are at school and she doesn’t need to work from home. She doesn’t like it very much, not just because of how pathetic the Prophet was during the war, but also because she’s alienated a lot of her colleagues in interviews she’s given since the war! Ginny Weasley-Potter does not hold back her opinions.

27.) Pick two songs that describe your character at two different points of their life, and explain why you chose them.

Definitely Phoebe is the best person here! I’m going to cheat and go with a few songs to describe one of the points though. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables from Les Mis is the first to describe her immediate-post war life. She loses her entire family in the war, as well as other loved ones. Dust and Ashes, which I mentioned earlier as one of her favorite songs, really reflects how she struggles in the immediate aftermath to find any purpose in living and going on (SO much survivor’s guilt…)

Later in her life, I’m trying to pick a specific point to describe… Either Another Day from Rent, or more accurately the part of the Finale B where it’s lyrics from Without You and Another Day blended together beautifully. It resonates with her a lot, when she’s finally happy with her life again and making the most of it while she can. “There’s only now/There’s only here/Give in to love/Or live in fear” describes a lot of different feelings she has, and since all of these are from musicals and she became a huge musical buff (no small thanks to Anthony for introducing her to them!) so a lot of these feelings and similarities are ones she feels in-story. There are definitely a lot of happy songs to think about for her later life when she’s living her truth, has a great support network, and lots of love, but that’s the main one I’m thinking for right now!

This got really long (no wonder it took me forever to do it!) but I hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing, Katie!

#dianameras #Vivienne Beauregard #Mallory Beauregard #Lavender Brown #Sue Li #Beck Turpin #Todd Li #Anthony Goldstein #Blaise Zabini #Kevin Entwhistle #Hannah Abbott #Phoebe Corner #Padma Patil #Ginny Weasley #Priscilla Wagner #Ava Proudfoot #thanks again katie! <3 #ask meme

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We’re very close. We couldn’t not be: the secret to a friendly divorce

This month sees a spike in couples filing for divorce, many of them vowing to stay friends. But is it really possible or worth the pain?

A few weeks ago, a man came to stay at my house and he and I made so much noise at 1am that we feared we might wake the children. The next morning at breakfast, we had to explain ourselves and apologise.

The man was my ex-husband, and he was telling me an anecdote in the early hours that had us both in fits of laughter. We separated in January 2009, and divorced a year later. He has since remarried, and lives in another city, but often comes to visit our three teenage sons. We have spent several Christmases, Easters and birthdays together.

If liking and being nice to your former partner is the essence of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martins conscious uncoupling, it could be said that my ex-husband and I are living that dream. In the three years since they announced their much-ridiculed approach to family life and relations post-marriage, the idea of the friendly divorce has become increasingly mainstream. As Helena Bonham Carter said of Tim Burton, her former husband of 13 years, I think well have something very precious still. Actor Kate Beckinsale is so friendly with her ex Michael Sheen (the father of their daughter) that shes often seen hanging out with him and his girlfriend, Sarah Silverman.

And then theres the rise of the divorce selfie, taken outside the courtroom, showing smug ex-marrieds beaming away together in the spirit of a bright future ahead of them (with a caption such as We smile not because its over but because it happened). January traditionally sees a spike in calls to family lawyers from couples wishing to uncouple. The first question for many is: can you really have a happy split?

Divorce coach Carol Sullivan thinks so. She runs Divorce Negotiator, which operates throughout England and Wales. Unlike solicitors who represent the separate parties, Sullivan assists both husband and wife and, to stop the escalation, maintains transparency between them. She claims to save a typical couple 80% of the cost of going to a solicitor, and 50% of their time. So far, she has helped more than 1,000 couples, many of whom apologise to each other and go out for drinks despite their decree nisi.

People are doing divorce differently that is, better, Sullivan says. They are more aware that the only winners are the lawyers, and bitterness and vengeance dont get anybody anywhere.

Of course, most people would say theyd like to divorce well, at least in theory, usually for the sake of any children involved. But, in practice, anger and hurt usually muddy the waters.

I am insufferably smug about what my ex-husband and I have managed to pull off, but I wont pretend it was instant. The parting of the ways was painful beyond anything I had ever experienced, but we managed to sort out our financial affairs and living arrangements ourselves. A lawyer friend kindly did the essential paperwork for both of us. We never went to court, and our whole divorce cost 90. Eight years have since passed, and time has done its cliched but excellent bit in terms of healing. Rancour has been and gone, leaving all the things we liked about each other in the first place: enjoyment of each others company, great communication, affection and respect. Plus all the things we have together accumulated over the years, namely three great boys, an important shared history and the recognition that prolonged bitterness eats away at people and benefits nobody.

Its difficult, but this approach is becoming more common. I have a friend whose husband went off with another woman. After her shock and anger subsided, she had him to stay with his new girlfriend several times, and even took coffee up to them in the morning. (Talk about forgiveness.) It was nice for the kids to see I was accepting of her with him, she tells me. I liked him. I liked her. She says she didnt indulge in any power play, at least not consciously.

The prevailing view is that good relations benefit the children, if you have them. Phyllis Maguire-Harrington, 33, is a carer and nursery manager. She sees many families who arent amicable, which has only compounded her belief that friendly divorce is vital even when she found out, three years into their marriage, that her husband had been unfaithful.

It hurt massively, she says now, but our daughter is my world. Even though I ended the marriage there and then, and never once wavered, I always spoke to him and let him see her. My daughter deserves both parents.

There was no court case. The same lawyer represented them both. It was all their own terms; he just did the paperwork. Her ex-husband has exactly the same parental rights as she does.

The couple, both from Wokingham, met at a bowling alley in their early 20s. Kieran Harrington, 35, remembers that she started dancing and I thought, wow! He found her generous, with a lot of time for others. Phyllis says she is very energetic, while Kieran was very chilled and happy to go along with anything she threw at him. They married in 2008 and separated in 2011, when their daughter was a year old.

To be brutally honest, I cheated on her, Kieran says. Its one of those things I cant explain. It was nothing she ever did or didnt do. When she found out, she went ballistic. Id never seen her like that. I deserved it. I tried to get her back, but eventually knew it was hopeless.

It was complicated, Phyllis says, because in September 2007 he had a brain haemorrhage and that altered him. Kieran says that, although he doesnt remember being tempted before the brain haemorrhage, it is nonetheless too easy an excuse. Either way, he says, the two flings with colleagues were a huge mistake. Initially, he says, there was some nastiness from Phyllis, but then it went away.

For a long time I wanted him to be my Kieran, Phyllis says, but he had changed. After the brain haemorrhage, I became more like a carer. I knew he was no longer fully in control of himself, and a psychologist told us he was never going to change. I had a baby and couldnt live like that any more, the suspicious wife.

The divorce came through in December 2014 and Kieran, a prison custody officer, now lives with his father and sister. He and Phyllis still see each other most days, and go on holiday together. They took Erin, now five, to Disneyland Paris for new year and glamping in Cornwall. Neither has another partner.

I did for a while, Phyllis says, and he and Kieran accepted each other, but he wanted to get married and I didnt. I think Kieran put me off for life, she laughs.

These days, Kieran confides in Phyllis about dates and she gives him advice. He admits hed like to get back together with her, but knows thats never going to happen; he also knows that it could all have been very different had Phyllis not been so forgiving. I could have lost a lot more, he says. As it is, the friendship we have having a laugh, watching movies together, sharing a bottle of wine when the little one is asleep is the best I can hope for, given Id still like to be married to her. Ill be a little bit jealous when shes with someone else, but I messed up, so I havent a leg to stand on. Im grateful Ive got this much and know we will be friends for life.

Phyllis agrees: Were very close. We couldnt not be, after all weve been through. But the divorce was the right decision. Would I get back with him? Never. Hes not the man I fell in love with.

***

Specialist family lawyer Peter Martin has been practising at London firm OGR Stock Denton for 40 years, and has worked with thousands of couples. In his experience, roughly 25-30% of couples are able to be friends afterwards, and its not always to protect the children. In some ways, it is easier for couples without children to stay friends, Martin says. Once the finances are sorted out, they are able to get on with their lives. They can become friends again, because they no longer have any pressures on them.

On the other hand, Martin says, couples without children have less reason to stay in touch. Those with children have to continue to communicate, and they are more likely, because of that, to rebuild a friendship. A forced friendship, because of having children, often develops in time into the real thing. Its the sort of thing I see a lot Im thinking of the first dance of a divorced couple as parents at their childs wedding.

Barry Rutter, 69, an actor, is founder and artistic director of Northern Broadsides, a touring company. He credits his ex-wife, Carol, 65, a professor of Shakespeare and performance studies at the University of Warwick, with their excellent relationship after nearly 20 years of marriage and 20 years of divorce. She credits him with not forcing her and their girls out of their home. You can be vengeful and angry and selfish and do all that stuff, Carol says. All those ugly emotions you can keep up for years, but thats just destructive.

The couple met while Barry was on tour in America in 1976. She, with her Californian chutzpah, came backstage to congratulate me, he says.

He had the tight curls of a Raphael angel and a boxers nose, she says. He was bolshie, challenging: a Yorkshireman. Everything around him was different and new.

She moved to England a year later, and they soon married. Their shared passion meant they always had things to talk about. Briony was born in 1982; their son, Harry, two years later, but he died from cot death aged just 98 days. Barrys support in the aftermath made Carol feel an overwhelming sense that our marriage could survive; how amazing it was that he could love me that much.

When he set up his own company, Barry was working so hard, Carol says, I think he started kind of shifting. Rowan, their younger daughter, was four. Carol had a full-time job at the university and Barry came home wanting shiny faces. There was a gap. It was, Barry says, a build-up of events, which I took to be a diminution between us. And my own restlessness. The cliche: the grass is always greener. The official divorce says adultery, but it is never as simple as that. I didnt fall in love, but I was distracted.

Barry says it was raw. I remember we met in the garden shed and she asked what I wanted, and I said all of my freedom to roam, and yet the home and family. It was a stupid, macho, dumb attitude to have. It was my folly. You make choices, and choices can bite.

How did I come back from that? Carol says. I went to see a divorce person who said dont fight, its not worth it; work it out between you. I was able to keep the man separate from the actor and, little by little, the birth of our three children, the death of our son, those things you shared, count. They represent the real core values of you two as people, as against the accidents of making bad decisions.

Barry says it was entirely Carols leading that set them on the footing they are on today. Its got to be about the future: I remember her saying that. I myself didnt have it in me to come up with anything like that. Its a testament to her. Id hope she is my best friend. Shes kept the name [Rutter]. Ive always been rather pleased about that.

These days, their daughters are both married, and they still see each other at least once a month and speak often. Carol goes to watch her ex-husband perform. She says he is perhaps better at expressing his emotions on stage, but he always made her laugh off it, and always will.

Tara Saglio has been a couples and individual psychotherapist for two decades. She believes that most divorced couples have to experience a period of proper separation before they can actively be friends again. As a generalisation, I think it takes five years for people to settle post-divorce, she says. It helps if both parties have reached a point where they can feel equally content, instead of one being miserable and the other blissfully loved-up with a new partner or even of one being blissfully alone and the other in a less than ideal rebound relationship. The chance of friendship depends on the emotional maturity of both parties. In my experience, Saglio adds, it is usually the couples for whom the passion has dwindled or gone, and who dont feel so betrayed or rejected, who can be friends. Sexual rejection or broken trust can skewer things.

Facebook, Instagram and so on can make it harder for couples to move on. Of course, social media always presents a happy if not idealised picture of everyones lives, Saglio says. It is hard to separate fully while having ones nose rubbed in the exs new life. On the upside, technology can be a force for good, depending on how it is used. It makes continued contact quicker and easier. A text or email is more emotionally distant than a face-to-face or phone conversation. A bit of a barrier can be a good thing.

Resolution is an organisation of family law professionals that promotes nonconfrontational divorce settlements. Nigel Shepherd, its national chair, says that avoiding unnecessary argument demands a shift of perspective: By nonconfrontational, we mean focusing on what is required for the future, as opposed to getting stuck in what happened in the past. A Resolution survey found that 90% of cases settle without a judge.

Current divorce law doesnt exactly help people to remain friendly: unless former couples are prepared to wait for two years once they have separated, they have no option but to cite adultery, unreasonable behaviour or (admittedly rarely) desertion on the paperwork. Resolution believes that a couple should be allowed to divorce simply if they think the marriage has broken down, a so-called no-fault divorce, and are lobbying for change. The current process, which pushes the majority into blame, often against their will, can really put the spanner in the works, Shepherd says.

***

Businesswoman Sarah Bevan never lost sight of the fact that she wanted to retain her friendship with her husband, Tim, despite her deep sadness when their marriage came to an end. We were originally friends, and I wanted very strongly to maintain that for the greater good of our family, she says. We always had a lot of fun and we managed to retain that.

Sarah, who is now single and in her 40s, lives in south London, and is setting up her own company. Tim, 50, the MD of a packaging and design company, lives in Hove. The pair met at work in London and married in 1994. They have three teenage children. The friendship was overriding in the relationship, Tim says. Any other issues were put to one side. Thats what carried us. But then I started to do better in my career, which made me more confident and, when other possibilities presented themselves, I was weak enough to succumb.

It was 2004. He admitted he was having an affair (not his first); they finally parted in 2005 and divorced in 2011. Tim says he walked away with two pictures, a stereo and a pink tea towel.

There were no lawyers, and nothing on paper; money was divided according to their own agreement. The divorce cost 560. Rather than argue in court, he wanted Sarah and the children to have a home and security. He credits their friendship today to his ex-wifes openness and strength, and thinks they have both pulled off something pretty extraordinary. According to Tim, both realise they are not going to be jumping into bed with each other again, but hopes theyll be best friends for life.

Shes currently offering me advice on cholesterol, he laughs. Shes still got my back! It helped that neither of them slagged each other off to the children. The family has a group chat online most days and he visits them every Tuesday for a curry evening.

There were phases of extreme anger and massive hurt, Sarah says, but even though hes certainly a difficult character, I love him and we hug and say we love each other. He remains an important part of her life, all the more so because her parents died recently in tragic circumstances. As Tim says, that focused everyone on whats important.

Despite everything weve put each other through, Tim says, weve come out of it. We will be sitting in our deckchairs in 30 years time with our mint tea, looking at the children, and thinking, Weve done good.

How to divorce well

1. Slow down. Reactive decisions are usually bad ones; if you are feeling hurt, or have just discovered your partner with someone else, dont take any legal action until the red mist has gone.

2. Try to be rational. Going through a separation is highly emotional, but try to put that to one side and sit down with a neutral party with the aim of making sensible decisions. Remember that you loved the other person once.

3. Decide on your priorities. More often than not one of the biggest goals is to move on with your life with your dignity intact. The more amicable the divorce, the quicker it will be over, leaving you to get on with the next chapter of your life. It is also a lot cheaper.

4. Go to a good family lawyer. Find a family specialist committed to working out solutions as amicably as possible and in a way that will preserve your relationship with your spouse.

5. Expect a big change in your lifestyle. Your life is going to change dramatically; being shocked by this can often lead to resentment and breed conflict. Your partners life will be changing, too, and they will have the same problems adjusting as you are. Yes, really.

6. Dont do it the celebrity way. You dont have to fight dirty to get the best result in fact, judges will frown upon it when making their settlement.

7. Dont listen to your friends. Turn to them for emotional support but remember that every marriage is different and every divorce is different. Just because friends think it is a good idea, doesnt mean it is.

8. Be the bigger person. Even if your nearly ex is trying to play dirty, dont rise to the bait. It is easier said than done, but I often hear from people who, years later, regret that they allowed themselves to be brought down to that level.

9. Think about divorce before you get married. What will your situation be if things dont work out? Consider how your partner is likely to behave in those circumstances as well. Think about a prenuptial agreement realism does not have to be anti-romantic.

10. If you have children, be nice for their sake. It is only in the most exceptional circumstances that it is not in the childrens interests for their parents to remain friendly.

Peter Martin, family lawyer, OGR Stock Denton