#im torturing myself but committed to finishing it

[zukkacore]

🌤️ & ☔ !!

🌤️Share your favorite piece of dialogue from your WIP.

okkk so this is cheating b/c this is actually. From an old draft of If You Want Divinity that was way darker. But I might reconstitute it for a new thing b/c I do.... like it, it just didn't fit with the tone:

“Or is this all a… What do you call it? A leap of faith?” He grabs Porter by the hair, pulling his head back so that he’s forced to look him in the eye. “Was there ever a moment you doubted my devotion?” His other hand wraps nicely around Porter’s throat, resting pretty. “Or did you always know I would choose you?” A Message. I can feel everything. All your rage, your shame, your desire, your lovely desperation. Your envy… Does that frighten you? To know you can never hide from me again? It must be some sort of miracle for him to actually intimidate Porter, but rage emboldens him. He’s kept two people under his skin so long that the company is comforting. You don’t have the guts. “You sure?” says Jace. A beat. Do it. His grip slackens.

I am gonna count Message as dialogue :')

☔Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

I have a couple that I'm not sure if I'm gonna finish or go for. A lot of these are kinda ambitious which i used to take on with gusto but i do have a problem with abandoning shit (and delayed gratification) so the idea of committing myself to a big piece is like. Maybe.... maybe.... At the same time, i am that kind of ambitious person, short things are not normally what i do. I have a few ideas that are not the most fleshed out:

I do genuinely really like the idea of doing a You've Got Mail rival academies AU but i also know that would probably take a tone of work and i'm like..... ughhhh. But i think they could do the hate to love thing. Its the Nora Ephron n Meg Ryan collab i think is the most fitting for the two of them (although if there was a when harry met sally (evil version) Take..... maybe)

Vaguely a timeloop au sounds fun. I LOOOOVE a timeloop. and have been wanting to write one for forever but i don't have a strong Vision on it right now. Don't know if its a timeloop to change what happened kind of timeloop or a timeloop to realize you can never go back kind of timeloop. There's also the Timeloop as Redemption angle that i think is fun, that's the groundhog day thing that's the happy death day thing and i think there's precedent of it being like. a Chronomancy thing. Aguefort subject these bitches to a timeloop so you can put them back on your payroll im begging you

Althought time loop purgatory also goes hand in hand with my joke that Porter and Jace should be subjected to a Bad Place Elmville as hell punishment. A vaguely inspired Good Place AU would be really funny i think. Again, it's too formless for me to know what to do with it. I don't actually think it should be that they think they're in The Good Place, i think the trick should be they're convinced ankarna gave them a second shot at life so now they life in elmville only everything is shifted slightly to the left bc its a pocket hell dimension meant to torture them. Like Chidi and Eleanor, oops they fell in love. Again. This is formless.

ALSO kinda goes hand in hand with my joke abt Ankarnatown i made a while back like Jace fetching Porter from hell??? no notes. But like. damn i gotta make it myself?? That sucks

I honestly sincerely might write some zara/clones or lucilla/clones stuff. That ones purely and indulgence. Purely just for me. I wanted to include a small zara/jace throughline or a lucilla/j2 implication in Almost but it just like. Did not have the air for that i just felt like it didn't fit for the tone it just kinda was detracting (as much as zarajace making porter jealouse wouldve been fun) and just in there for me b/c i like Persephades Orphydice

Again this is formless. All i'm gonna say is i drew a gamechanger au. and now i think the idea of Aguefort subjecting his staff to gameshows for personal enrichment is so funny. Aguefort heaven is porter hell its a very efficient system

[askaniritual]

i should probably wait to write this until im not so extremely fresh off the heels of actually finishing the story but here are my intial story-specific, non-tlt thoughts about the serendipity gospels because well and truly as a piece of fanfiction this story goes absolutely crazy

ok i wrote all this out and now i have to put it under a cut because it was actually too much stuff

the lore stuff was interesting but i'll admit i was not paying a Ton of attention just because i knew it was unfinished and i wasnt going to get any resolution on it so i wasn't tracking too closely

just in general i am coming to understand that Gamzee Enjoyers tm is like. a class of people who are significantly interested fulfilling in the sort of half promise that the actual story makes about him and then never actually follows through on

like terezi was the pov for the first half but this is definitely a story about gamzee

terezi is so interestingly rendered here like. she is so sharp and so determined and also she is so committed that she is willing to corrupt the uncorruptable in order to get what she wants

the way this story pushes on terezi's corruption of gamzee like a sore tooth for the entire story is so completely painful and so completely perfect like

gamzee is a more complete person after she does this, that is for sure but like is it for the better or for the worse? maybe the last third of the story would have gotten into that like does being awake and sharp and angry make him more or less able to love karkat? is cunning better than kindness?

related but it is absolutely wild how much the story revolves around karkat even though karkat is barely in it. like he is the single most important person in the story emotionally and plot wise and he just has a couple of lines until he shows up right at the end

i am tearing myself apart in agony that we didnt get the last third because im sure it would have been from his perspective and also we didnt actually get to see much of karkat and gamzee interacting which was a bummer only because i felt like a lot of the story was predicated on this question of like "are karkat and gamzee good for each other? could they ever be?"

in general the whole story was deeply, deliciously concerned with unrequited love and quadrant confusion in a way that i found sooooo deeply compelling. nobody was ever quite getting what they wanted and everybody was desperately clawing at it it trying to make it be enough

related i think that ms muir included some very interesting lore about the different ways that moirails and matesprits are treated in society

i was just in general so entranced by how angry and mean and unhinged the whole thing was without ever crossing the line to like. full on torture porn. like it was angry and gritty and you were imagining a world where everybody is a little dirty and everything smells and tastes off the entire time it was rlly fascinating

ms muir sure does know how to write about angry gritty grimy young adults and their compelling emotional drama huh

[yourbleedingh3art]

Some updates.

I’m not pregnant … cuz I’m bleeding out of my VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!!! Pairs of shorts/pants stained so far from this excursion: 2

Days of sobriety if I pretend I didn’t take three hits off that boys blunt: 24

Days of sobriety since I hit that blunt: 5

I still haven’t bought any weed for myself, and I didn’t text my ex even though it’s been a torturous carrot in front of my face, but Poems I’ve written about him instead: 2

My piece is getting workshopped today and it’s rainy and I sweat in my sleep and I keep having dreams about my body getting torn apart or me dying in a car crash and last nights dream was just me constantly getting overstimulated and interrupted and not having a moment to myself to breathe [Contributing heavily to Sleep-Sweat]

My big exam is today! Not sure how it will go. But happy it will be out of the horizon. Went to a study group last night and tried to watch a review video. Times I’ve fallen asleep while I tried to finish this review video: 3.

Emails I need to send: 3

My therapist didn’t do something she told me she would do and then I sent her an email about it and I still haven’t heard back. And that’s sad and if I dwell on it I think I will get upset. I’ve just been so sick of being upset lately and so maybe I have been ignoring every possible thing that is painful by pretending it is not painful and maybe this is why it escapes into my dreams which I used to not even really have because of how much weed I smoked and the funny thing is that’s such a major change in my life and I don’t really feel different at all . My parents say I’m different but oh please. I’m skeptical. Skeptics annoy me. I’m becoming annoying!!!! Just kidding. ☂️☔️

Writing in my diary has slowed down because I don’t want to take up the pages saying nothing and it’s hard to figure out what feels important to say. It’s weird how progress seems to change nothing. I’ve made these changes to be “better” which is loaded. I’m trying to exist better? But does that make me feel better? My prescription. For myself: Be more aware of the present moment and how you actually feel in the present moment

Writing and reading 📖 Has been a Best friend again

Music: Not hitting as hard. Obviously i always love music but

Food: yum. Been eating a lot of it. Getting to the point where im scared I’m gonna run out soon and why does grocery shppping sound so terrible… It’s the money. Im Brokey broke. Hmm. So the next question is will I get. A job. However. I hate that question. Ok. I will send some of the emails I have to send now ….

Oh and this is tonight! I think I will go? If I feel like being out at night in the dark . Don’t come at me w commitment y’all…. Weird rn. Therapy on Friday tho

[dandunn]

Tagged by @the-golden-ghost

Relationship Status: in a happily committed relationship with my blorbo Jigen (he is a drawing)

Favorite Color(s): orangeeee but also purble, and yellow under very specific circumstances

Favorite Food: chuincken wings yum

Song Stuck in My Head: that gd song from the credits of Stardust cause I just finished watching it

Last Thing You Googled: ‘gendersternchen‘ cause Kite was jsut talking about it

Time: 1.55AM *yawn*

Dream Trip: not to be weeb on main but I want to visit japan so bad. I’m not really sure where exactly, probably not Tokyo cause crowds suck. There’s just a ton of stuff i wanna see and I’d probably make a detailed plan if i had the money anytime soon (which i don’t so i’d rather not torture myself). I also want to go to DisneySea.

and i just wanna go see my friends in other countries lmao

Last Thing You Read: Queer City by Peter Acroyd! (i am still reading it)

Last Book You Enjoyed Reading: I’ve enjoyed most things I’ve read lately, Coraline was good and Frankenstein was FAB. Doing a good job of getting me in the spooky mood for October hehe

Favorite Thing to Cook/Bake: I like making banana/courgette bread cause it’s simple and tasty but I also quite enjoyed making apple pie even though I had to scream at the crust a little bit. I can make gyoza too but I much prefer eating them than cooking them.

Favorite Craft to do in Your Freetime: I like to paint baybee, and I’m trying to get back into linocut printing right now (if i can frigging think of something to draw that is)

Most Niche Dislike: i Cannot think of anything right now apart from when people refer to hares as ‘bunnies’

Opinion on Circuses: I have like No opinion I have never been to a circus altho I have gained new appreciation for clowns considering my friends r mostly clown appreciators. Clown :o)

Do You Have Any Sense of Direction: Weirdly Yes I am quite good at navigation even if I’ve only been to a place once. I am rubbish at relaying directions to other people tho

tagging: @pokeharvest @dying-suffering-french-stalkers @amaringos @yagsnart anyone else who wants to do this go ahead. sry if you’ve already been tagged im tired i love you goodnight

[walking-gargoyle]

Torturing myself to boredom

so i just went back here to commit myself into writing blogs because WHY NOT, right?

i procrastinate A LOT. and tricking my brain to focus myself into studying isnt really working and i know that this is because my brain is overstimulated. the phenomenon and term "overstimulation" isnt new to me because my older sister had it served into our conversation and i made it my topic during our contemporary issues in media two terms ago in college. so i know how to deal with this issue and that is to BORE MYSELF.

im programming myself into finishing the week 2 of my coursera today but then i found myself running away from it. the culprit again is my overstimulated brain. so this sent me to type away on google search about how to bore your brain. AND PHOTOS ABOVE are the articles i read.

the first thing i want to target is this:

im gonna have to inflict this pain in my brain in order for me to go through this tedious task that im about to take.

~ciao. signing off at 3:55 PM.

[chaos-coming]

Im so burnt out im really about to collapse. i skipped a really important class today because it starts at fucking 845am and i just could Not get out of bed and now im stressed i wont be able to finish my assignment without a lot of extra help that nobody is willing to give at this shithole uni.

And the admin shortened all of our vacations and extended exam periods against the overwhelming protests of the students. And ive been taking final exams since fucking NOVEMBER and it wont end until mid FEBRUARY. Thats literally 3 months of finals and not its not less intense and of course you still have to go to other useless lectures the whole time its fucking torture im so close to committing arson on the administrative building.

And my job is so so stressful right now i am being targetted by the boss specifically because im the only one left from last years labor rights struggle which ended when he illegally fired everyone in open retaliation and i happened to be on vacation thst week.

I need to distance myself from this university amd honestly o think i should just move to a different part of the city altogether like i think the things ive tried to build for myself here are Not going well because these "environmentalists" and "activists" are full of shit and they have such an iron clad reputation i am suffocating under the hypocracy. And also the targetting.

I think maybe i should cancel my last exam and take it next month, i literally cannot bring myself to study this fuckass economics professors terrible slides

[amor-immortalem]

Everything Undesired chapter 4

Chapter 3

Warning: mention of torture? Light victim blaming, Lucifer, Satan, and Beel commit murder.

“I see,” Diavolo had a contemplative look on his face. The demon lord, often seen with a jovial, bright smile plastered upon his face, now had replaced it with a more serious look as Lucifer explained just what had happened to his brother. “And you’re positive this is what happened to Mammon?”

“Asmo is certain enough that he would stake his title as Avatar of Lust on it.” Satan spoke up.

“I see, if that’s the case then I will permit you up to the human world to pay these women a visit. Make sure they suffer, all three of you.” The warmth in his voice, his eyes, now replaced with a cold tone and a wrathful look, absolutely enraged that a demon not just under his rule, but in his cabinet no less had been assaulted in this manner. He may have failed in protecting the Avatar of Greed from this but he would see to it that a crime this grave never happened again to one of his subjects. “I’d would go in your stead to deal with them myself, but I will stay behind and work to pass legislation to ban the making of pacts freely. This will not happen again; I swear it on my life and my throne.”

And with Diavolo’s permission the three Avatars were off, out for blood for the travesty that befell their brother. Once they were gone, Diavolo turned to his butler.

“Barbatos, did you foresee this at all? Was there not anything we could have done differently to prevent this?” For as angry as he is, the demon lord feels a certain sense of guilt for what happened to the white-haired demon. What kind of ruler cannot protect one of his subjects from something so heinous?

“In another reality, yes.” He nodded, “But never in this one specifically, my Lord.”

“What happens next?”

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The three Avatars stand outside the residence of the witches. Lucifer is the first to step forward, demon form manifesting from the wrath coursing through his being. The aura he emits is suffocating to all around him. A knock on the door is all the courtesy he plans to give them tonight.

When the door opens, there is a collective gasp.

“L-Lord Lucifer,” One of the sisters steps back as the three demons barge their way inside the building. “To what do we owe the honor of this visit from not only you, but your younger brothers as well?”

“Do not. DO NOT ACT AS IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO OUR BROTHER!” Satan roars, his demon for making its appearance. He’s ready to go on the attack however it’s Lucifer that stops him with a simple wave of the hand.

“We know everything you’ve done.” The eldest’s voice is cold, gaze calculated. “You’ve not only laid a hand on one of my brothers, but my favorite one at that. That in and of itself is enough to warrant your deaths, but to cause him such suffering will ensure they are not quick.

With another wave of his hand, the Avatar of Pride bound the three women before letting his brothers have a go at the other two. The eldest was his.

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Asmo took a step into his brother’s room and was devastated to see the look on his brother’s face. He looked so broken; his cheeks soaked with tears as Asmo heard Arella speaking.

“You don’t have to do it if you’re not strong enough for it. I’m sure there are alternatives we could find if you can’t. Just remember, you’re not alone in this. We all will help you if you decide to go through with this.”

The demon’s curiosity was piqued. Just what we’re they talking about?

“’Rella, I can’t ask that of any of you. This is my punishment for bein’ so powerless.”

Asmodeus cleared his throat to gain her their attention.

“What are you two talking about? Did something else happen?”

Arella only picked up the phone and handed it to him. What he saw was enough to pull a gasp from the demon. It made him sick.

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As soon as it had begun, the torture was over. None of the three brothers had even broken a sweat at this point. The witches hadn’t even lasted that long. Blood and viscera coat the floor, bones stick out from odd places, one has pieces missing from her body here and there- bite marks and missing flesh, even a missing arm- all courtesy of the Avatar of Gluttony.

“Beel, are you hungry or has anger tided your hunger?”

“I'm famished,” The Avatar of Gluttony confirmed.

“Go ahead and dispose of their bodies then. Make sure no trace of them remains.” The Avatar of Pride nods to his younger brother.

It was then that they heard it- the screaming cry of a frightened baby. The sound was easy to miss over the shrieking and wailing- the pleas for mercy that would never come. One by one, their heads turned to the sound just upstairs as they all came to terms with the fact that a child had been born from this travesty.

Satan was the first to move as he climbed the stairs. Just off to the right was a tiny nursery and lying in the crib, he found the child. All of his instincts were screaming at him to do away with the infant. He almost did had it not been for Lucifer’s hand placed on his shoulder. They were soon joined by Beel as all three of them peered down at the tiny child below them.

“What do we do?” Beel asked.

“Do we take them with us? Or do we leave them to the proverbial wolves?”

Both brothers looked to the eldest, demanding an answer. For the first time, the Avatar of Pride doesn’t have the answer. Does he take the life of an innocent child or does he subject his brother to a lifetime of suffering? It's an impossible decision to make where either party ultimately loses in the end.

Lucifer reaches down and takes the infant into his arms, a pained look on his face as he scrutinizes the infant’s appearance. Suddenly, he’s flashing back to his time as an angel, back to the first time he ever held Mammon in his arms. The child is an exact carbon copy of their father, no apparent features from his mother or her sisters, this was the best case scenario, but the little one looks sickly- likely due to the lack of demonic influence that would have been received from their father had he been present during the pregnancy.

Finally, after remaining silent for what felt like eternity Lucifer spoke up. “The child doesn’t look long from this world. We’ll wait for morning. If they survive the night, we’ll take them with us- let Mammon decide what to do with them.”

The other two nodded as Beel went back downstairs to finish the meal he had started.

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“You don’t have to take him, Mammon.” Asmo kept staring at the photo on his brother’s D.D.D. as he spoke.

“He has no one else, Asmo,” The white-haired demon frowns. “I can’t just leave him to die and it’s not like I can just give ‘im away either. As much as I hate it, he’s the heir to everything I am- the next Avatar of Greed, the next ruler of the fourth layer. It’ll be hard at first, but I’ll force myself to look past what happened to me. This isn’t his fault, so why punish him for the crimes of his mother and her sisters? He’s innocent in all this.”

“Even now,” the Avatar of Lust chuckled sadly, “after all these years, you still have the heart of an angel, don’t you? You aren’t thinking about what this will do to you, are you? He’ll be a constant reminder of your trauma. Is that really fair to you?”

“It isn't, but when has life ever been fair? If life was fair, we wouldn’t ’ve lost Lilith- wouldn't ‘ve fallen from the Celestial Realm.” He wiped at his eyes.

“No. It’s not, but I still think this is a bad idea for you. None of us will stop you if this is what you want to do but you shouldn’t do it just out a sense of obligation.” Asmo placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You should only keep him if you want to.”

At the look of resignation on Mammon’s face, Arella placed a hand on his back. “We’re here if you need us. If it gets to be too much, I can help care for him, okay?” She echoes the words she had said previously.

“Babe, you don’t-”

“I know I don’t, but I want to.” She smiled softly. “We’re in this together. All of us.” She looked to the strawberry blonde demon as he nodded in agreement.

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Satan sat in the rocking chair next to the crib while Lucifer was on the phone notifying Diavolo of the situation as well as speaking to Arella in regards to the baby. He studied his nephew, wondering just what might happen to the little boy. Over the hours since finding him here, the tiny half-demon seemed to be getting stronger- likely from just being in the presence of his brothers and him. It was apparent that the child would be coming with them. He wondered what his brother’s reaction would be to the infant. Demons were known to kill unwanted offspring out of panic.

It was the circle of life, the blonde supposed. Not what the child deserved, but if it led to that, there was really nothing anyone could do. He was drawn from his thoughts as quiet chirps sounded from the boy. He watched as the infant brought his little hand to his mouth and he started squirming in the mass of blankets he was swaddled in.

The Avatar of Wrath looked around for a bottle or really anything that could be a source of nourishment. Of course, the newborn would get hungry eventually- that's essentially all babies at this age, eat and sleep. The demon finally finds a mini fridge on the wall opposite the crib, right next to the changing table. He had never fed a baby before but he would be willing to try as long as it kept the boy satisfied and kept him from crying. A trial by fire as they say.

Rocking the infant carefully, he slowly got up and retrieved a bottle from the fridge. It was a lot smaller than he thought an infant should take but it was good enough for the time being. Thankfully there was a bottle warmer placed on a nightstand near the crib. He placed it inside, setting the temperature at that of a human’s normal body temperature. When the milk was sufficiently heated, he gave it to the child who then suckled it down rather quickly,

“Hey now, there’s no need to suck it down so fast. You'll choke if you’re not careful.”

Lucifer had rejoined at him at this point. The scene of his brother trying so hard to feed the baby almost made him chuckle. “I can take him, if you’d like, Satan.”

“Please, I really don’t know how to do this.” He pulled the bottle away so he could transfer the child to his older brother.

“It won’t be long until the dawn. Gather up some of his things as we’ll be taking him with us. I just got off the phone with Arella. She told me Mammon plans on keeping the him.” Lucifer only sighed, wondering if the Avatar of Greed was only doing this out of a sense of obligation and responsibility.

Green to yellow gradient eyes widen in surprise at the statement. “He’s planning on keeping him? I figured he wouldn’t want anything to do with the baby.”

“As did I but, for all of our brother’s flaws, he’s still genuinely a good person. I don’t think he can really leave behind someone who needs him- especially an innocent child.” Lucifer looks down at the child who has now finished the bottle. “Hand me a rag.”

“Why?”

“Well, I would prefer not to be spat up on and now that he’s finished eating, he needs to be burped.” The eldest moved the infant to rest against his shoulder as Satan handed him the nearest rag he could find. “Babies aren’t capable of burping on their own. Now, go gather his things. I’ll tend to him for the time being."

Next

Masterlist 2

[ssamie]

six. “friends die together”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide 

masterlist.           suicide freak!

kenma slowly opened his eyes. the dim rays of the sun were slowly peeking through his bedroom window as he stretched and rolled around his bed, wrapping himself up in a blanket burrito as he felt his eyes slowly fluttering close once again. 

it had been atleast a week since he's actually gotten sleep, and now he's just trying to relish in the feeling of rest before he completely disregards it again. 

all of a sudden, his phone rang. 

"what the.." he mumbled with a groan 

it was currently five in the morning, and he knew kuroo was smart enough not to call him. especially since kenma would usually just be gaming or would just straight up ignore him. 

"hello?" he muttered to the phone, not bothering to check the ID 

"good morning!" y/n's chirpy la-di-da voice resonated from the phone 

immediately, kenma groaned and rolled his eyes. he had to fight the urge of hanging up the phone then and there. 

"what do you want? and why are you calling me so early in the morning?" kenma asked 

"now, now! don't be so stingy kenma-kun!" she laughed "i just wanted to check up on ya, that's all" she said, followed by soft humming of a melody 

kenma blinked as he groggily listened to her words. "oh. okay.." 

"thanks for that, i guess.." he said 

"aww! your voice is all deep and gravelly in the morning! very hot." she chirped 

kenma sighed. he could practically sense the stupid flirty smile appearing on her face. "and you sound oh so happy. as always." kenma chirped back sarcastically

a small smile grazed his lips as she started laughing on the other line. 

"oh, kenma! you're so funny!" she chuckled "when have i ever been happy?" 

"wait what-" 

"anyways, kenma-kun.." she trailed off, her cheerful tone now dropped as an eerily serious and guarded one replaced it. 

"y-yes?" kenma gulped 

"im afraid im in a tight spot as we speak. its quite critical. please come to the location i will send you." she spoke in a monotonous tone 

"huh? wait!" kenma exclaimed. he sat up on his bed, subconsciously reaching for his nekoma jacket which was messily laid out on the foot of his bed. "what are you talking about?" he asked, his hands were shaking, as well as his voice. 

"its a crisis! only you can help!" she said 

"okay. i-i'll be there.." 

humming under her breath, y/n patiently waited for kenma to arrive. she didn't have so much faith at first, but once she heard the soft thumping of feet on the ground, she grinned. 

"w-what happened?" kenma asked through ragged breaths as he skidded to a halt infront of her "a-and what are you wearing?" kenma asked 

he took notice of her rather formal attire, laying underneath the sand colored coat she had. his brows then shot up as he calmed his ragged breathing. 

"is this because of your weird detective work thing? did you get trapped?" kenma asked worriedly. when she didn't answer, he simply panicked even more. "why did you call me?! you should've called those other detective people!" kenma exclaimed 

"i got in myself" she admitted with a small innocent smile 

"what?" kenma deadpanned, now starting to regret running atleast eight blocks just to help her 

"well, you see.. i heard there's a way to commit suicide by getting stuck in an oil drum. so i decided to give it a shot" she said with the same innocent smile. she then chuckled sheepishly as she started sinking deeper into the oil drum. 

"but now that i've wedged myself in this deep, i can't get out on my own" she said 

kenma simply stared her down, looking unamused, tired and annoyed. "i see." he says 

"i think i might die" she pouted as she sank deeper into the drum. 

kenma grunted and sat on the ground, sitting a few feet from the drum she was stuck in. he was kind of impressed on how her whole body hadn't snapped in two yet. 

"well, isn't that what you wanted?" kenma said with a huff of annoyance 

"i like suicide" she said with a scoff, sounding somewhat offended "but i don't like suffering and pain! why would i?" 

"i see" kenma said with a sigh. he sat up from the ground and narrowed his eyes, trying to look for a way to free her from the oil drum

"also, i learned this only after i stuffed myself in here, but it wasn't even a suicide method!" she laughed 

"but, it was actually a torture method from the-" 

before she could even finish her sentence, she was cut off as kenma pushed the oil drum over, sending her and the drum rolling off. he let out a huge breath of air as he cradled his aching hands. 

"ni-nice job, kenma-kun" she squeaked out as she wiggled free of the drum. "but now.. we have only an hour left before school starts" she said as she patted down her clothes and combed her fingers through her hair 

"and i heard from nekomata-san that he has some news that you boys would surely love" she said as she stretched her aching muscles 

"are we really gonna move past the fact that you wedged yourself in an oil drum!?" kenma exclaimed in aggravation 

". . ." she looked at him with a dumb smile before sending him a wink and a thumbs up. 

"yep! we sure are!" 

"i hate you so much" kenma muttered 

she smirked teasingly and loomed over his shoulder "hehehe~ well if you hate me so much, then why go through all the trouble to help me?" she cooed 

kenma scoffed and flicked her away. "because we're.." he trailed off "nevermind.." a small blush covered his cheeks faintly, but it was enough to get her attention. 

she chuckled lowly and poked his cheeks. she narrowed her eyes and tauntingly stared him down. "oya? what's this, kenma-kun? do you like me or something?~" she teased 

kenma flinched and covered his cheeks with his hands "no! no i don't!" he quickly denied "i just thought that.." he muttered quietly

"since we're friends and all.. i thought it'd be right to help you.." kenma admitted bashfully 

stunned from his words, she couldn't really do anything but stare at him blankly with widened eyes. "we're friends?" she asked 

kenma spluttered at her response, suddenly feeling anxious and embarrassed, thinking that he overstepped their 'relationship' 

"um- i mean.. i just thought that since we've been hanging out but.." kenma said nervously. he fiddled with his hands as he looked down at his feet, too embarrassed to look her in the eyes. 

"sorry, i guess i overstepped. sorry for misreading things" he apologised 

finally realising what she's done, she gasped in horror as she looked at his heartbroken expression  "oh my gosh." she muttered "im so sorry!" 

she frantically patted his back, and stroked his hair "i-i meant like- i didnt know you considered me as a friend!" she exclaimed  "i kind of thought you just see me as a suicidal leech or something!" she shrieked 

"im sorry kenma! kill me now!" she exclaimed dramatically 

kenma finally looked up to see her tearing some of her bandages off, only for her to tie it tightly around her neck. 

"im sorry!" she cried as she squeezed tightly, trying to strangle herself to death 

"wait! don't do that!" kenma said in panic. his hands pried the bandages off and hastily threw them away. 

"you don't have to kill yourself over me" kenma sighed 

she sniffled and crushed him in her arms "kenma! you are most certainly my most treasured friend!" she cried 

"i would die for you and with you!" 

"let's not go too far" kenma said with a small smile 

"shall we start with the double suicide now?" she asks, fully ignoring his interjection 

"no <3" 

"fukurodani?" she muttered, looking quite confused and clueless 

"yes. it seems a three-day practice match has been scheduled" nekomata said with a smile  "their coach suggested the idea and who was i to decline, am i right?" nekomata chuckled 

"this will be a good opportunity for the team to train and explore new ways of playing for future tournaments." nekomata then looked at y/n and sent her a close eyed smile. "and a chance for you to test your managing skills, y/n-san" he said 

she nodded in agreement. 

"well then, now that that's settled.. you’re free to go! rest up and eat well! you'll be playing nonstop starting tomorrow" nekomata said as he ushered them out of the gym 

"thanks, coach!" the team yelled 

as the team arrives by the gate, they started to disperse. fukunaga, inouka, teshiro, and shibayama ended up declining the offer of an afterschool hangout. they claimed they needed the rest for upcoming games, so they left them be. 

"bye guys! bye y/n-senpai! see you tomorrow!!" inouka yelled from across the street. the energetic first year was waving both his arms around while shibayama drags him along. fukunaga sends them a quick nod and a small wave before they completely disappear from sight. 

"hm, so what do you guys wanna do?" kai asks with a smile 

"let's eat!" lev suggested with a grin 

"sure. where should we go? i don't really have a particular craving right now" kai said as he looked at his friends expectantly 

"we should eat at the diner near that convenience store" yaku says "it's cheap and they serve great food" 

simply humming to herself, y/n takes a quick look at the boys who seemed to be lost in their own conversations. her (e/c) colored eyes then landed on kenma, who seemed to busy with his game. 

kuroo was holding on his bag, making sure the pudding-head wouldn't walk into oncoming traffic. she smiled at the boy, taking in his overwhelmingly beautiful features. 

yamamoto was beside her, ranting about his friends from karasuno and their 'goddess of a manager' 

"we’re here!" lev unnecessarily announced as he skipped into the said diner.  "what should we eat?" he asks 

"fish-" ; "meat-" 

yaku and kuroo freeze and look at each other. their eyes silently roam one another as they look at the other with judgment. 

"hah? are we really doing this again, yakkun?" kuroo scowled. the taller bedheaded male leaned down to get all up in yaku's face, while the latter simply did the same 

"dont call me that stupid nickname, bedhead!" yaku scowled as well "and fish? pssh, what are you a grandpa?" yaku said with a snicker 

"could you stop making comments proving you lack docosahexaenoic acid?" kuroo sneered in aggravation 

"you're ought to eat more fish to fix that.. maybe even your height problem!" kuroo taunted 

yaku scowled and gripped the taller boy's collar "your stupid face is begging to be hit!" 

"no! kuroo-san, don't let him hit you!" lev yelled "he's feral!" 

"oi! shut up!" taketora hissed as he covered lev's mouth with his hand 

yaku turned to face lev, evidently irked and angered by his comment. "hah?! come here, you tall lampost! -" 

"wah! yaku-san i didnt even do anything!" lev exclaimed with teary eyes as the shorter boy continued to kick him 

kai and taketora then took initiative to calm their friends down. partially because they didn't want anyone injured. but mostly because they were fighting infront of the diner, and it was starting to get embarrassing. 

"ke-n-ma~" she cooed in a sing song tone 

kenma sighed and quickly glanced at her, before averting his attention back to his game "what?" he said 

she smiled and laced their arms together. she then pointed to a bridge not so far away from where they were standing. "you see that bridge?" she asked "and the pretty river under it?" 

"oh god. i see where this is going." kenma groaned. he turned off his game and followed her finger, eyeing the bridge she was talking about. 

"wouldn't it be so nice if we just jump off-" 

"how about we don't do that?" kenma cut her off with a sigh 

"but you're my friend right?" she whined childishly "don't friends die together?!" 

"how about we don't die at all. doesn't that sound better?" kenma tried to convince her with a sheepish smile 

her smile fell as she narrowed his eyes, seemingly disgusted and offended by his statement. 

"what? no, not at all." 

[ssavanessa22]

Bad blood

Warnings: racism, hate crime, cannon type violence, kinda but not really smutty so like 16+ as always if I missed someone pls tell me !

A/n the girls of Wattpad really liked this one so I hope you all enjoy as well!

"Y/N you and Reid are going to lead this interview even though you are together make a great team and I think you can crake him are you guys okay with that?"

Spencer and I looked and each other and smiled in unison we replied.

"Yes we are more than okay with that"

Spencer and I have been together for 2 years 324days and 6 hours well that's what he said to me when I woke up next him laying of his bare chest, even though we basically spend every day together we still needed uno special time together and oh was it special. Before we told hotch about our relationship we were able to be in the field together until one time I thought Spence died and then I started crying and it was a whole big thing but now are months not working together we got to do what we both love and with each other.

Before we walked into the interrogation room together Spence turned to me and said.

"Are you sure your okay to do this, you don't have to if you don't want to this case is close to you even if he didn't hurt your family"

This unsub was committing hate crime murders for the last nine months pretending to go on dates with balck women then brutally murder them, Garcia found his manifesto online called "the eradication of all unpure women" it took Kevin who was with her at the time to calm her down as she had to read it out loud I felt bad for her but everyone else felt bad for me. Was looking at me in that moment I wished more than ever to be where Tara was right now, interviewing a child rapist.

I replied to Reid whilst plastering on a fake smile,

"Spencer I'm gonna be fine if anything these women looking like me being like me makes me wanna catch this motherfucker even more"

He smiled and gently kissed me before we both walked in.

"Tyler Walker do you know hey your here"

He ignored my question then Spencer asked the same one only then did he reply.

"Tyler if I'm going to be in here you need to speak to both of us" I sternly replied

"Well if your gonna bring you boyfriend in here since you clearly can't do this on you own them I'm gonna talk to the man here if you'd don't mind"

Spencer interjected saying

"Tyler we found the hearts of all the women murdered in you home why were they in there?"

I don't know I didn't touch them"

He didn't ask if you touched them we asked what you did to those girls" I sternly said.

"You know what If you want to know what I hypothetically would have done to those women I tell you, but only little miss chocolate in the room and only her."

Before Reid could protest I said "yeah sure let's talk"

Spencer's POV

As I walked to the door I gave y/n a reassuring smile she turned and gave me one back but her face was filled with anger and fear, she would never tell me this but she was scared. We didn't shy away from the topic of race within our relationship I read of lot of books and educated myself before I even started dating her I would never understand but I will always try my hardest to be there. And sometimes she just wanted to come home and cry let her emotions out about what it was like being black in American and that was okay as well because I love her.

"How do you think she's gonna do in there?" JJ asked reluctantly

"If I'm being honest I don't know"

Y/N's POV

I sat down trying to make myself look bigger and take up more space within the room than I actually did to encourage my self but in my head I was fucking shitting it.

"Okay we are alone now tell me"

"Just remember sweetheart this is all hypothetical I never did anything if the thing I am about it say" Tyler replied in a menacing tone

"Yes I know get on with it then"

The next 15 minutes felt like a blur, 15 minutes 900 seconds that's how long I heard Tyler speak about all the torcher he wanted to our women like me through half way he started to refer to the women with my name making me imagine him doing these Haines and despicable things to me. I think what was the worst part was that he was smiling whilst he describe these disgusting thing to me he smiled I felt violated and felt used and felt like he had infested my personal space chipping away at the emotional armour I developed whilst having this job.

Once he finished I was on the brink tears but I never going to show him that I left the room being met only by Spencer's face he was seething but I didn't care I just wanted him to hold me to tell me everything was going to be okay.

"Y/N it's okay your okay your other now" he said whilst soothing me.

"I just don't think I can get back in there-"

As I said that Derek stormed in took one look at me and brought me to his arms even though it wasn't Spencer it just felt right in the time to hug him he would understand the most out of the team what I was going through.

"Y/N I know you said you don't want to go back in there but he got him his prints were all over the bodies we found and he had the hearts of the victims he's going to go away for a long time but now you can tell him that take back your power Y/N"

"Ok I'll do it"

"Y/N are you sure you wanna do it this you don't have to?" Spencer said whilst searching my eyes for any fear I had.

I smirked at Spencer whilst he looked at me in confusion I replied.

"Nope I'm okay and I know just what I'm gonna talk about"

By this point the whole team was in the room

"Y/N are you okay love I heard what happened"

"I'm okay Emily but right now you get to watch me drag a white supremacist to filth."

I barged into the interrogation room not letting Tyler speak.

"Okay listen Up bird brain your already done for we found your prints all over the body and that were at your house so now this is just a formality"

"So if you think you've caught me why I am not in a jail cell right now? Hmm"

"You were so nice to me and described the rape, torture, murder and the disfigurement that you would do to me so now I'm just going to repay the favour"

"You know you were right about him being my boyfriend you know"

"so the lanky white one is you boyfriend, I've always said that pure breads shouldn't mix with you people"

"Tyler your going to prison for a very long time you racist rhetoric means nothing to me,but since you I have been so kind to me I am going to spend the next 15 no 20 minutes going in full detail about the amazing sex I had with my white boyfriend last night if we can fit it all in 20 minutes. We will just have to see won't we?"

Spencer's POV

My jaw had dropped to the floor when y/n said that I mean yes it would be hot for her to describe every single we did last night both of us have an eidetic memory so I know she remembers it all but in front of a racist unsub I had I was weirdly impressed and terrified at the same time.

"You don't think she's actually gonna do that?" I asked to the team in complete and utter shock

"Reid when was the last time y/n has ever lied to us?"

"Once JJ but she couldn't even go the whole day telling the lie she ended buying hotch a dozen of his favourite donuts even though she only ate one"

Derek and Emily started chuckling and said.

"That means she's not lying"

The unsub was seething with anger when y/n carried on speacking

" Tyler I didn't a little digging on you and I found out form you pervious girlfriends that apparently you can't put it up in one of you girlfriends exact words she says no matter how hard I tried he could never get hard"

"You don't know anything you slut"

"oop Tyler your using big words especially with someone who only has the education of a 5th grader"

But you know what Tyler lucky for you I have and eidetic memory I don't think you know what that is so I'm just gonna tell you... that means I remember everything so we're gonna have some fun together hmm"

20 minutes, 1200 seconds that's how long y/n spoke in detail about about sexual escapades from last night throughout these 20 minutes Derek started recording so he could send this back to Garcia. Light  chuckles and laughs were heard here and there then oos and ahhs, then total shock was the look on everyone's face and a gasp coming from Garcia who Derek had patched in a phone call so she could listen too when y/n got to the last bit.  I guess they just assumed because I'm the youngest apart from y/n and .... well I'm me that we would have a boring sex life but I guess we surprised them.

Y/N's POV

After I finished I wasted no time in leaving but before I did I said one more thing.

Tyler you are going to prison for a very long time you probably get life or even the death penalty so I want you to remember what I spoke to you about every single time you try your hardest to get it up every. Single. Time. I hope you know after your manny years in prison never getting to see the outside again and you die I will be sleeping soundly knowing you are burning in hell"

I walked out and the whole team was silent in utter shock of what I said then i realised I probably shouldn't have said any of that too an unsub.

" omg hotch I am so sorry that was completely inappropriate and unacceptable what I did in there and wasn't right at all I-"

"I'm sorry y/n I don't know what your talking about what did you say in there"

"What I just spent the last 20 minutes-"

Seriously y/n what are you talking about you went I told him what he was being charge for and you walked back out hun what are you talking about?"

Im what I'm so confused what?"

Then Spencer finally said

"Babe I know I can be dumb sometimes but please read the room"

I looked around still so confused until I finally realised.

Ohhhhh ok yeah yeah I get it now"

Okay but when are you are pretty boy releasing the sex tape cause I would like to pre order"

The whole teams was laughing including me and Spencer I replied simply with

"in your dreams Morgan in your dreams" 

[meggannn]

i promised myself i wouldnt start more k/rra discourse in 2021 because it's been, yknow, seven fucking years, but apparently long-term fans have developed selective memory in that time bc im gonna scream if i see people crediting br/yke for their bravery in making k/rr/sami canon in one more stupid text post. or maybe the history is no longer well known about how 1. they assumed nick would say no so they never bothered to ask but when they actually did, nick was supportive of ks; and 2. they decided to revise the animation to have ks turn to face each other in the actual last seconds of the show as “proof” of their relationship without some staff like storyboardists even knowing, and apparently that minimal effort to make a "stepping stone" deserved to be praised as highly as other intentionally representative wlw

apparently all the racism and sexism from both creators and fans is forgiven if the fandom likes the wlw. (but we knew that already because fandom, MANY ks stans included, were the leading members of the Korra Needs to Be Humbled Squad. so, like, forgive me if i'm not a fan of how this ks renaissance has forgotten their roots of calling for a to be the avatar instead of k as she was the "better woman"; all the ks bdsm fanart of k as a's slave; no, apparently ks shippers were always lowly davids against the giant goliath that was nick and/or mk fans.) apparently we should be kind and give credit to this white het male creative team for pushing the bar as much as we should to lgbt+ and women/nb creators who don’t end their shows by blaming their audiences with “if you didn’t see it, maybe your just had your hetero goggles on” to excuse their lack of commitment across seasons despite bk's smarmy post-series quotes about how it was “planned for ages!” and “i was the first ks shipper!!” like it was a contest he wanted to win? jesus lmao i hate that i know all this, i hate that this show takes up so much of my brainspace seven years later, but im asking people to like. please read up and think critically about LOK’s racism, imperialism, westernization, and decide if praising the paper-thin wlw that had to be confirmed after the show had finished is really what society's biggest takeaway is gonna be when they think back on this show's legacy, and not like. the way it immaturely handled its many political themes and framed brown suffering and torture porn as healthy character growth

[det395]

ty sm arlo @throwing-roses-into-the-abyss for tagging me :D

1- how many books are too many books in a series?

i need a lot of convincing already to agree to the commitment of any series but i think if i fall in love with one then i’d be happy if it’s pretty long. but i think 4 books is a good number for a series

2- what do you think about cliffhangers?

hhhhh i want all books to be rounded out satisfactorily, but a bit of a cliffhanger can be fun

3- hardback or paperback?

paperbacks, with a passion! they’re cheaper, smaller, lighter, easier to hold/bend into position, i hate hardcovers where the sleeves are slippin and slidin, and i dont mind the look of worn books at all in fact i think it’s pretty cute (which i might just be saying bc i wreck all my books ok im gonna shove them in my backpack it cant be helped) and i want my bookshelf to be consistently paperbacks so i get Angery when new books only come in hardcover and i have refused to buy books for that reason. but i have a few used and gifted hardcovers

4- least favourite book?

i can’t say that i hold any real grudges against any books, but there is one book “in the name of the family” that my parents gave me for christmas, maybe bc i had a GoT phase? and it’s my only 1 star book. it’s probably not a BAD book but oh my god i could not get through it, every paragraph was torture because it was just so fucking BORING and i didnt understand the historical context or what was going on, nor did i care at all

5- Love Triangle, yes or no?

i feel obliged to admit that i will still go ham for the twilight love triangle if prompted, even if some (a lot) of it annoys me i fuckin love that drama so alas i cannot claim superiority in my tastes, but usually these days if i see a love triangle i scream at my book “JUST BE POLY!”

6- the most recent book you just couldn’t finish

star eater, which made me sad to abandon! it wasn’t even bad, hell it was about cannibalistic zombie nuns so it was right up my alley, but something about it fell so flat and i didnt care at all and i had another book that i wanted to read so i DID. bc i want to dnf more easily instead of forcing myself to suffer through books im meh about. but it still made me sad to not give it a full chance, even tho i think if it’s not great for the first bit, there’s not a big chance it’s going to turn around

7- book you are currently reading

the ocean at the end of the lane by neil gaiman! i am enjoying it

8- last book you recommended to someone

the secret history by donna tartt to a couple of friends! have already promised to lend it out once i buy a copy lmao. loved ittttt SO MUCH

9- oldest book you read

maybe frankenstein, 1818? i dont read many classics, and i also dont know when they’re from usually so i could be forgetting something, but probably isn’t that likely that i’ve read anything before the 1800s

10- the most recent book you read ?

(most recently published?) probably the final volume of attack on titan!

11- favourite author?

ahhh i don’t have a favourite and that seems like a lot of pressure to choose, i just have authors that i enjoyed enough to want to try more books by. some of those authors (not in order) are patrick ness, emily st. john mandel, shirley jackson, haruki murakami, benjamin alire saenz, stephen king, maybe donna tartt now. idk none get Master status in my books that ill read anything they write and i have big issues with some of these even ghdfjs and i have the feeling that im missing some

12- buying books or borrowing books?

was just talking today about how cute it is to borrow books! but im probably the biggest reader of my irl friends so it’s usually me buying all the books and then lending them out instead of the other way around lol….

12- a book you dislike that everyone else seems to love

didn’t HATE these but just wasn’t a big fan: jane eyre, the night circus, difficult women, couple books by akwaeke emezi that i wanted to love

14 - bookmarks or dogears?

bookmarks! ahhhh dog ears stress me out no creases!! im always smoothing out creases. sidenote: someone once bought me a metal bookmark and i was like wow fancy and then it ruined the pages lmao never again

15- The book you can always reread?

i rarely do rereads, id probably get sick of any book. excited to reread the haunting of hill house tho maybe that will become mine

16- can you read while listening to music?

sometimes i need it, sometimes i have to turn it off in order to see lol

17- one POV or multi POV?

one pov preferably but multi pov can be done so well

18- do you read book in one sitting or in multiple days?

ive only ever read one book in one sitting and that was eclipse lmao. i definitely don’t have that focus anymore, it always takes me a while just because my mind wanders

19- who to tag:

ill tag @realisaonum @uttermywish @overcapitalized @natigail @tarredion if you guys want! :D

[theyanderespecialist]

25 Days Of Christmas 13/25 Christmas Special 2 (One Shot) SCP 2030 X OC Marie

(Laughy's pov)

I smiled down at her as she wanted as she gave a frustrated groan as she shifted. There was something so beautiful about it..I suppose that this would be the perfect time for others to watch.

She just looked so beautiful laying there, chest heaving, body shaking as her face was red from laughing so much. No one in all my years, made me feel this way, I couldn't let her go now could I? No I couldn't. I was going to make her mine. In every sense of the way. I walk over just looking at her, looking at her in such an outfit that she never would have worn had I not made her.

"P-Please..don't just stare.." she said, her voice was so soft.. shy.. pleading. "You ca-can do more than look,..."

I nodded and lit a candle making her look at me confused I also got a peacock feather she got from the zoo.

"Now what to do with you~" I tease stroking it down her arm.

(you're lucky she washed that feather there could be diseases xD)

(XD)

She shuddered at that squirming at the feeling of the feather brushing down her skin as goosebumps form on her arm as her breathing once again hitched in excitement. He traced it up her leg and then to her core. She jerked at that as she let out a moan before I stop as my eye caught an eye mask on the side of her bed as I reach other as I hold it before putting it on her.

"Wh-what are you--"

"shh.. just focus on the feeling." I said as I resumed to trace the feather to her core.

She cried out and her thighs shake. I smile at that as I kept going as her hips thrust upward as she was probably feeling it ten fold as she shook more.

"I-I can't hold back!" She said, her hands turning to fists in her binds

She came hard the feather getting drenched in cum. She panted as I pulled it back as I smiled placing it on the bed still in shot as she seemed to relax as I smirk. The more I watch her and think of the others watching her like this, and seeing I was the one making her like this, the more excited I got.

I grab the candle as I pull the top down as she gasped and squirmed before letting out a Yelp when the wax fell on her breast. I smirked and did it. It was not hot enough to burn but also enough to make her stimulated. I wasn't going to pour boiling hot wax on her. She would flinch and let out soft whimpers, not of pain though. I smirked and then dropped one smallest drop of wax on her clit and she came again even harder than the last time.

(WARNING THIS IS BDSM AND THERE ARE SAFE WAXES TO USE IN THE BDSM DO NOT JUST TAKE YOUR SCENTED CADLE AND TRY THIS THAT IS NOT SAFE!!!)

(yeah there are candles that have a wax that drips at a lower heat)

(and look a lot of people class bdsm as torture. While there is a sub genre of machochist and sadism that does use sexual torture extensivel, a large part is about trust and boundaries. This is one example of asking to have the eye mask removed for the first time It's about compromise and figuring out the limits and testing those limits. Basically..sex in general)

(Yes it is a kink and trust is important if someone is using bdsm as a excuse to control you without your consent and a lot of manipulation (fifty shades of grey) then that is abuse and torture. A real bdsm relationship is built on trust love and respect)

(Here is actually proven things that happen in a abusive relationship that people say is okay because it is their "Kink" Woman (Or man) gets abused Then gets gifts like flowers (Ir in fifty shades of grey a house) then abused again and more gifts. Also a lot of people who want to control them will put a baby in you without your consent and make you keep it (Again fifty shades of grey) BOTTOM LINE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY IS ABUSIVE AND NOT BDSM RELATIONSHIP)

I smirked before looking at the camera for the first time as I smirk standing over her. I couldn't wait any longer as I ripped the dress off fully as she cried out. "W-What are you doing now?!"

"Taking you fully.--"

"W-wait! P-please.. can ..can you take the blindfold off? I... haven't had sex before ..I don't want to be in darkness when it happens.." she said softly.

I nodded and removed the mask and kiss her to reassure her. She kissed back but I could tell she was scared as she nudged her face into my neck.

"It's okay. Just take a deep breath.. and laugh okay?" I said as I pull my own pants down as she whimpered.

I take it slowly on pushing the tip in and letting her laugh it out most of the stress of something inside her the first time.

It was hard, seeing her cry but I knew she wasn't regretting it, shed tell me. I know she would. I still waiting for her as she clung to me with her legs.

"You want me to untie your arms so you can hold onto me properly?"

She nodded her head and I untie her and she instantly lings to me and grips me tight. I smiled and wiped her tears as I look at her and take one of her hands in mine as we waited, with me kissing her hand while waiting.

".." there seemed to be something she was red to say. "What is it?"

"...I ..I need you to pull out before you finish..I-I'm not on the pill." She said.

I froze for a second and knew I would NOT pull out I wanted a baby with her and I would say it was an accident.

(Okay like I said a bit ago yeah this is not healthy and he is controlling the choice but I NEVER said yanderes are healthy they are not this is fiction to enjoy in stories and not do in real life. Again fiction just for fun not for practice. I do not support manipulation or yandere tendencies.)

(and she is thinking it's a dream and the calming effect of 2030 really is helping him now)

(mmm hmmm)

She looked at me. "I-It's not that I don't want children..but I want to be one hundred percent sure that the father is just as committed and that the children have somewhere safe to live." She said softly looking at me

"They will I promise you, and I am. I want a family with you and want to marry you if I could I would do it right now." I tell her smiling with true love.

She looked at me shocked as she was about to speak before I didn't test thrust as she softly moaned. She wrapped her legs around me pulling me the rest of the way in and moaning loudly and in need. I smile at that as my breathing got Shakey. God..it felt so good. Why haven't I done any of this myself before?

"Y-You.. feel so good..~" she said softly as I felt my heart pound at that praise

“All for you~~” I purr

I liked it when. She praises me~ and she knew. She must have because she kept saying how I made her feel, how she liked the way I teaser her. It spurred me on making me feel so close. I held her close as I panted and start to thrust into her more as she cried out before I change positions. I wanted her to be seen, no better position than on top for that to happen. She gasped and put her hands on my chest to steady herself. She sat there for a second trying to get used to the new position before she slowly moved, looking at me like she was waiting for a sign of approval.

"Your doing so good beautiful~" I say and lean up kissing her. "Just like that~"

She smiled at me appreciating the feedback as she would lift herself up before sinking down and grinding her hips as I moan. "I-it might be easier if you don't clench down so hard." I said as she suddenly looked confused.

"But.. im not clenching?"

I blushed darkly and pulled her into a kiss and she kisses back. She is just that tight. If she did clench (She just pop that dick off XD) I don't think we could move.

(XD)

(XD)

(xD she's doing everything he did

She held me as I felt her clench down as I let out a Shakey moan. "That's what it's like if I clench it. Does that feel okay?"

"Oh God~Yes~!" I moaned if she kept that up I cum for sure.

However she suddenly stopped, just sitting atop me. "What? Why'd you stop?" I asked as she smiled. Consider it a punishment for not addressing those flowers to me." She teased.

She then started to tickle me and I laughed and she did it for so long I was rock hard. She then tied me up and started to ride me again slowly though.

(Oh How have the table have turned XD)

(xD she's doing everything he did)

(XD Yup getting ready for wax on your dick XD Jk or am I XD)

She rode me harder and faster as I can tell we are both getting close she then pulled out half way and took the candle and add one drop onto my dick and I came hard and she came as well falling on top of me.

(I was not kidding XD)

I got out of my bonds and snuggled her. "Merry Christmas." I say just as she falls asleep and I carried her off. Time to take her home.

(2 hours later)

(No One's POV)

"Hey Marie! Forgot my keys for my house, duh!" Her friend called out not getting a response as she looked around confused seeing cookies left on a tray untouched.

"Marie?" She called out. Was she sleeping? She sighed and walked into the bedroom.

Inside she found a mess like a good fucking was taken place here and a DVD. What the hell happen? She picked it up seeing a picture of Marie from behind unaware with the title 'christmas special.' She put it on and what she saw shocked her. There was no way that was her friend.. doing that kind of stuff.. and there was no way she would let that be filmed. Something was not okay she called the police right away.

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Reimeiroku Saito Final Chapter

have i ever mentioned how i’m a masochist when it comes to this stuff? like, i will freely admit how i actually don’t like translating and doing more unnecessary work, but I when I do something for myself, I tend to want a certain degree of quality.... which is why i decided i’d do some video editing for this... a decision that I really regret now though i can say that it’s something that i know hate more than photoshop lol. 

after i finished my yuugiroku 2 vid, i figured i might as well try to install Visual Novel Reader to see if that could offer me better visual and audio quality for this... but before I finished installing it, I went and checked what videos were available that I could use for assets and found a video made through vnr had about the same audio quality as to ppsspp... along with videos from someone other psp emulated version of this... which i then clipped for audio. 

between visual and audio quality... i’ll pick audio any day so after deciding that i’d be using some of the less grainy audio i found along with my ppsspp footage... i set to work trying to layer the tracks.... but since the audio didn’t match the visuals’ timing, I had to manually cut pieces of my screencap video up so that it matched the audio timing, while also making sure that the visuals looked like they were still continuous (damn  circle icon which wouldn’t go away and caused problems)... on top of which, i had to deal with removing a number of random black screens that would just flash on screen for less than a second when i ran reimeiroku through the ppsspp emulator.... then i also had to find the song that plays towards the ending of this cuz the audio i had cut before the end of my screencap vid which was also a pain because i couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere on youtube so i had to go find the game rip audio (thankfully i have a site for that. also in the game, that song doesn’t naturally fade out and i manually added in that effect cuz i felt like it and thought it was better than the audio just cutting off) so i could put that in and align it so that track matched the audio timing for the vita audio track.... and then i also had to do something about the interval where i had to increase and decrease volume since the end kept sounding off no matter what i did....tho i kinda think the video still sounds off in 2 places.

once i got all the damn visuals and text properly lined up, i gave up on having to deal with the the stupid circle icon in that was originally in the bottom right hand corner since i got pissed enough seeing it and cuz it was no longer continuously in motion so I decided to remove it entirely along with the auto-play icon (at this point im on about version 10 of the video).

then, to cover up the right side of the video, i figured that’d i’d just stuck up an image over top of that section.... but after several tries i gave up on that since every damn picture i imported regardless if that was a screenshot of the game or a screen capture of the video from the editing software itself, nothing would match the colour of the text box for some infuriating reason... which ultimately led to me redoing everything so i didn’t have the stupid text box then stringing together clips between those stupid bouncing icons to erase the damn thing entirely though i thankfully didn’t worry about the auto-play icon the second time around....

however, doing that in itself posed a whole new problem since what i could effectively clip was less than >0.5 seconds each time to create cropped video layers that would hide that stupid icon, and my comp reaaaaaallllly started to issues when i did more of this and when i copied and pasted too many of those millisecond clips together... it got to the point where i was waiting 15 minutes for about 4 seconds of copied hide-the-damn-icon-video-clips (or about 8 hours for 40 seconds worth)... which pretty much crippled my computer..... 

this resulted in me having insane amounts of segments that looked entirely like this^, which occurred whenever there was an icon to hide... or text shake for some reason.... which caused me to create +20 openshot files for editing...(btw this is 138 tiny clips over the span of 6 seconds)

in the end, over the course of a fucking month, which i can honestly say that me finishing this for today was a complete coincidence (i barely managed to finish Warframe’s Scarlet Spear event cuz of how bad this was lol), i lost count of many versions of this video I made sometime after I reached version #32, openshot crashed on me at least 15 times (gave up counting that too), and my laptop crashed twice.... 

after i finally finished my video, i thankfully didn’t spend that long on subtitles but it took me far longer than i’d have liked to get the damn positioning right since potplayer is annoying when it comes to single lines and i had to guess and check the positioning almost every other time for some strange reason whenever i had a single line... which was never a problem when i had 2 or 3 lines of text... but editing was a slight hassle cuz i wanted the text used to be as accurate as possible... and i checked 3 reimeiroku tls of this chapter and the JP mtl of a bunch of sentences just to be sure. 

anyway, thanks to doing all of this unnecessary torture, i am absolutely never going to ever be repeating this experience ever again even if someone pays me because video editing is a serous pain in the ass and I hate it more than photoshop (also why the hell does ppsspp have so many issues with reimeiroku when compared to yuugiroku 2)!!!

also, learned my lesson and didn’t write this post this after staying awake til an ungodly hour lol. my attention to basic grammar plummets like a rock if i stay up past 4 am.... so i decided to write out all my grievances beforehand.... and put my video for this at the very bottom cuz im terrible like that and want everyone who sees this to deal with a massive wall of text xD! suffer! suffer as i have dammit lol!

enjoy the fruits of my damn labour! i’ve passed the point of caring if there are errors in this so keep anything you notice to yourself!! goddammit i noticed something wrong that i couldn’t ignore... namely the chapter name and my credit.... fixed that now.

on a final note, it’ll probably be more than a year before I touch Reimeiroku again because of my commitment to what I am able to translate for SSL so don’t ask lol.... 

[elephart-hi]

Y’all I’m finally reading throne of glass

I put it off for ages bc it’s a long series and I wasn’t like ready to emotionally invest myself to that extent yet, you know ITS A LOT TO COMIT TO

I finished reading the first 2 books

And now I’m reading the prequel

And like YOU FIND OUT THAT SAM DIES IN THE FIRST 2 BOOKS OKAY AND LIKE YOU KNOW SHES GOING TO BE CAPTURED AND BECOME A SLAVE AND LOSE EVERYTHING

So now Ive finished all the short stories but the very last one

So at this point I’m the prequel Celaena is free and Sam is free and their debts are payed and they are moved out of the assassins keep and are happy and in love...

And I’m just not ready

I JUST WANT CELAENA TO BE HAPPY

so bad

She DESERVES IT

I don’t want to see Sam to die

I don’t want to watch her downfall that leads to the beginning of book one

I don’t want to see her lose her first love, and find his mutalated, tortured corpse and then watch her lose the freedom she fought so hard to finally have, and I don’t want to then watch her become a slave and endure Endovier and the lashings and just everything she went through all ALONE by herself

I can’t

(I’m not used to calling her Aelin yet bc you only find out about that at the end of book 2) (but like I also already knew bc I’ve read acotar and have seen spoilers for this series from that fandom)

Celaena (Aelin) already lost her her kingdom, her title, her magic, and most importantly her family when she was 8

Then she was forced to become an assassin or die AT 8 YEARS OLD

And then was forced to PAY to become an assassin which she didn’t have choice in becoming in the first place

She has already been through hell.

I’m not ready for her to suffer more

AND IM HARDLY INTO THE SERIES AND I ALREADY KNOW SHES GOING TO SUFFER MORE DOWN THE ROAD BC ITS SARAH J MAAS AND JUST AHHH I KNOW THERE IS STILL SO MUCH MORE SUFFERING TO COME UGHH

This is why I put this off for so long

BOOKS ARE AN EMOTIONAL COMMITMENT

[fipindustries]

The ludomancer

So you heard of parahumans fans using their own lives to come up with triggers and create their own fan capes? well, that is more than well trodden ground so i figured lets take it an extra notch and figure out my own fan practitioner, my own fanctitioner! (disclaimer: many of of the personal details here were either exagerated or fabricated for dramatic effect)

backstory

i had open heart surgery when i was 6 months old, and if niccolette belanger is anything to go by, having big openings in your flesh at a very young age is free real state for persky spirits. Just imagine this giant entrance direct to my chest, leaving my heart ridden with holes and openly exposed.

Now this was in a very modern hospital in and incredibly sterile enviroment so is not like there were a lot of grisly phantasmagoric spirits crawling all over the place, you i was covered head to toe in technology, multiple wires and tubes and god knows what else all poking out of my chest, back in those days i was more machine than human. So with that in mind i like the idea that perhaps some fairly young spirits of electricity, technology, science and artificousness got inside me.

nothing too wild and powerful considering these things were all relatively recent by the standards of the practisce, but enough to have an influence. The general result is that i would be naturally inclined towards STEM fields, mad scientists, math and engeneering as a kid. I would constantly find myself getting involved into these enviroments (even when i didnt want to) such as going to a course in robotics, going to a high school soecialized in mechanics, studing computer science in college, etc.

my life would go on more or less like normal, the spirits slowly growing inside of me but always kept in check by my own essense and sense of self. Until...

Awareness

i changed careers and went to live at a college dorm in the middle of nowhere, five kilometers away from the nearest city, a small oasis of technology in the desert and the central hub for the Wi Fi of my state. As the years went by i became more and more isolated, my Conections grew weaker, my own sense of self got thinner and thinner (exacerbated by me finally questioning my gender identity). my prescence on the world was almost non existant, spending most of my time in my dorm in my computer not interacting with anyone, browsing ever incresingly more niche or obscure websites.

in this oasis of technology in the middle of nowhere, with my personal conections and sense of identity growing weaker, the spirits within me started to grow stronger and stronger, starting to screw with my very perception of reality, pushing things so that i would start to go down weird rabbit holes online, reading strange texts in impossibly formatted websites that would introduce strange ideas about the nature of reality, some times even downright attempting to posses me (i would try to rationalize these episodes where i would experience derealization as just panic attacts).

The spirits of technology would introduce me to forbidden ideas online, dangerous memetic cognitohazards, basiliks that would force me to perform obscure rituals to summon  demonic entities from lost planes of reality, not aligned with human values. They would try and convince me that reality was a simulation and coax me to pierce the veil and see the true subyacent reality, that subatomic particles were capable of experiencing suffering, that i could be tortured for eternity if enough people were kept from getting dust specks in their eyes. If things had gone like that for much longer i would have probably ended up summoning or becoming an Ex Machina and probably an entire wing of the college campus would have been condemned.

Luckly in my college there just hapened to be a young dabbler who got wind of my situation. They took notice of me and were kind enough to put me in touch with an online community of witch hunters who specialized in cases like mine (the dabbler didnt take care of it themselves because they didnt want to accidentally reveal to me more than strictly necessary about the magic world, the group of witch hunters had a lot more experience solving this problems without the karmic burden of awakening someone)

The witch hunters were a fairly niche group within the larger community of witch hunters. They specialized in bayesian techniques. Using the tools of rationality to dispell illutions, glamours, mind tricks and half truths. They established firm rules for thinking and percieving the world so that Others wouldnt be able to decieve or manipulate them. Calling bullshit on the impossible. Their organization, the Magical Interference Restriction Institute, coordinated the efforts to develop safe protocols for the practisce in the digital age.

They exorcised most of it, gave me a few basic mental tools and rituals to keep the spirits in check and recommended me to try and forget about the whole affair. But fat chance about that, by this point my eyes had been opened.

The awakening

When i finished college and moved to a different city i did everything in my power to enter in contact with the practitioner world again. Walking around the city, reading craiglist adds, looking into different organizations. Of course i wasnt acting blindly, i was guided by some of the things that i had picked up during my posessions, the things the spirits had revealed to me, the forbidden texts that i had read and some of the advice the witch hunters gave me.

Eventually i managed to follow conections and came across a small cabal of practitioners who put the front of a board game club to recruit people and have a place to reunite while looking legitimate and not arising suspicion from the mundanes. The way the club would work was that on the front it was a normal place to play things like Catan, Carcassone, king of tokyo, etc. But on the back room they would “play test” new “games” between the senior members of the club. when in reality they would workshop new rituals to perform.

They would focus on a fairly recent branch of magic caled Ludomancy. Focused on the idea that any boardgame is in the end a ritual. it would be this communal activity with rules and mechanics, supported by the illution and the beliefs of the players who would manipulate symbols and idols across intricate diagrams. 

they saw my experience with rules, logic and technology applied to magic and saw enough potential in me that they allowed me to join. Their awakening ritual is a bit different than most since they customized it based on their findings and experiences with rituals. Instead os sitting in a circle the circle is inscribed in a board. The piece that you use to move through the board has to be carved by you and has to be composed of elements that represent you and that are meaningful to you and it has to hold within a couple of drops of your blood.

You throw the dice and move across the board and depending on what places you fall in on of the cards will be drawn from the multiple decks. These cards will either give you challenges to overcome to prove yourself, make declarations and impositions on the kind of practitioner you will be once you awaken or just be criptic messages and riddles that wont be relevant or mean anything to you until many years down the line. You have to overcome the challenges, answer the questions posed by the cards and most of all, play the rules cleverly so that you can make your piece reach the center of the board and scream jumanji to complete the ritual. Now the rules of every awakening playthrough change and they can be incredibly intricate and complex, it can take a lot of cleverness of a lot of luck to finish this ritual but once you do you find yourself in a much firmer and powerful grounding than most begginers do.

the practice

i would probably focus on shamanism, collecting spirits here and there, slow and steady accumulation of a power base. i would like to get into constructs, acumulating spirits, helping them grow, give them a bit of my own power to help the process along, like sacrificing one drop of blood every week, or establishing small rituals of worship, and then mix and mashing them together to build more complex spirits, also i would probably offer small favors to the local practitioners in exchange of tibdits, trinkets and sources of power, always keeping it low profile and not too ambitious, something like helping with a ritual here and there, being a pair of extra hands, mostly giving help establishing magic circles and drawing diagrams, running small errands, sending messages. it would help let other people know that im not too much of a concern and hopefully they would let me be

if you need help or want to make an exchange with me you could come to my house and i would offer to play a game (usually one i made up) and in the process of playing the game i would perform the magic that you need or arrange the cosmological and quintessential pieces inside and outside of you according to your request.

My implement would be a set of D&D dices that i can use to make a bit of augury, affect probabilities, dictate outcomes and, in times of need, cheat at my games a bit. the rest of my equipment would be booklets and notebooks filled with my own designs, rulesets and texbooks, lots and of graph paper and one actual RPG supplement that i would use to bluff some of the more out of date Others by claiming that i have tomes filled with arcane spells and a full compendium of magicl creatures.

eventually i would try to diversify, focusing more on crafting and building, going more for the angle of the toy maker rather than game designer. I would build complex structures in papercraft, small mechanisms with cardboard, intricate contraptions with some clockwork and some springs.

i probably wouldnt get a familiar, i just dont see my self commiting to a life long companion. i would desperatly try to establish a demesne but that would also be rather complicated since i dont see my self owning property any time soon either.

[chaos-coming]

Im so burnt out im really about to collapse. i skipped a really important class today because it starts at fucking 845am and i just could Not get out of bed and now im stressed i wont be able to finish my assignment without a lot of extra help that nobody is willing to give at this shithole uni.

And the admin shortened all of our vacations and extended exam periods against the overwhelming protests of the students. And ive been taking final exams since fucking NOVEMBER and it wont end until mid FEBRUARY. Thats literally 3 months of finals and not its not less intense and of course you still have to go to other useless lectures the whole time its fucking torture im so close to committing arson on the administrative building.

And my job is so so stressful right now i am being targetted by the boss specifically because im the only one left from last years labor rights struggle which ended when he illegally fired everyone in open retaliation and i happened to be on vacation thst week.

I need to distance myself from this university amd honestly o think i should just move to a different part of the city altogether like i think the things ive tried to build for myself here are Not going well because these "environmentalists" and "activists" are full of shit and they have such an iron clad reputation i am suffocating under the hypocracy. And also the targetting.

I think maybe i should cancel my last exam and take it next month, i literally cannot bring myself to study this fuckass economics professors terrible slides