#im turning 23 in less than a month

[noroalia]

is it the covid or the period or the stress or the overwhelming anxiety abt the future or the economy or the autism or th

[drustvar]

Hey is the torment temporary or do we have it tomorrow and tomorrow and the day after that

[dokyeomini]

how are ppl who are 22 years old... doing their masters

[vexxandra]

what is coming? (timeless pick-a-card)

for those who need comfort, or dream of the future, this might be the pac for you ☆ 3-17-23 .

PILE ONE ; " i'm so tired " ...

how long have you been keeping yourself awake? it's up to you to decide whether that statement was metaphorical or literal, but the point still stands. can't catch sleep? it's not your fault. you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you deserve to rest. sleep is a blessing that you will catch up on soon. the mistakes of your past shouldn't stop you from rejuvenating yourself. i'm sorry this relief from life has been taken from you.

i can see that what's coming toward you is more closure. conflicts being resolved, and action being taken to prevent future problems from happening. peace is coming, and more spiritual peace- however you may find it. you are finding what is lost or missing; a confidant, a part of yourself you lost, or a sense of responsibility. this will make you feel a little less confused in this dark time. whatever you find, make sure it benefits you, not hinders you.

extra: the number 7 or 16, cheerleading, studying, driving/cars, violent - carolesdaughter, the need to please, disappointment, "you are more than your thoughts, more than your past" green, spring months, gaming to cope, betrayal, "you deserve love because you exist"

PILE TWO ; " i am fighting " ...

you are so strong. your strength is commendable, and so is your resolve. you are making me smile. things seem to be good for you right now, but have they always? no one is born to be so resilient, it's our experiences that shape us to be who we are, and yours have molded you into a warrior, pile two. you are so strong, have you heard that before? i feel like you don't get recognized enough. but you suffered, and i see that. i see that, and i see you. thank you, for never giving up.

stability is reaching you. i feel like you have a 'fake it till you make it mindset' in order to reach what you truly want. but i see that you will soon have whatever you desire. it will be unmistakably yours, and you'll know in your heart when you find it. you will be emotionally fulfilled, and reach a state of kind of 'enlightenment' where you're like, i know what im doing now, it all makes sense. it will be a moment where everything clicks, and everything settles down.

extra: pink, red, gold, orange, chains of pearls, instruments, stuffy, nostalgia, memories like the color yellow, may, june, 2018, "this feels right", back to the future/past, vintage, aesthetic, dream girl vibes, photos, "everything is okay"

PILE THREE ; " where is the sun ? " ...

you have lost your sun, pile three. you remind me of a sunflower, looking for the sun to turn to, but what happens if the sun isn't there? you are aimless and lost, trying to find what has been stolen from you. but it hasn't, has it? it's time to take off your lenses, and realize that this isn't healthy. you have been stuck in a cycle for a while, and i feel like you kind of actually trap yourself in it. i get it, it's better to be trapped than face the reality. but is the pain you're causing yourself really worth it? please find strength in yourself to break free. trust me, it's better than staying. im rooting for you, pile three.

what's coming toward you is the strength to pull yourself out of this negative situation. i see you putting yourself first, and sparing yourself of further heartbreak, disappointment, and sadness. i can see that this will sort of be a tower moment for you; the tower has always been shaky, but it's only now that you are fleeing from it, and i'm proud of you. it's hard, but you can do it. after, you might find yourself stuck in your own thoughts secondguessing, but you did the right thing. never forget that. i also see someone of importance entering your life, a little after this.

extra: dont worrry darling, omori, pink beats, neurodivergence, black, alternative culture, crosses, pinky promises, mother figure, chocolate, willy wonka and the chocolate factory, balloons, lamps, llamas, "why would you leave me?", "because i couldn't stay", polish

[sleepingdeath-light]

relationship hcs ; hades

requested by ; anonymous (17/05/23)

fandom(s) ; disney’s hercules

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; hades

outline ; “hiii :] i was wondering if you could write some nsfw and sfw hcs of hades (disneys version) being your s/o? thank you so much!!!! im 19 btw, less then a month from turning 20!”

warning(s) ; none, just fluff!

although your boyfriend’s aspirations and goals are extremely outrageous, and his treatment of those beneath him is less than ideal, hades is never anything less than a sweetheart to you — going to great efforts to make sure you are accommodated and respected everywhere you go in the underworld (even if that usually causes quite the headache and some screaming rows between himself and some of his more rebellious/stubborn subjects)

he always makes an effort to impress you, showing you a side of himself that is a complete gentleman worthy of the title of ‘ruler of the underworld’ (and hopefully ‘king of the gods’ with you by his side): dressing in his finest robes, offering you his outermost layer of clothing if you mention feeling cold, offering you his arm as you walk side by side, bringing you gifts, and calling you the sweetest pet names (think things along the lines of ‘sweets’ or ‘darling’ depending on whether you’re in a private area or not)

he’s quick to get jealous and will lash out severely at anyone he deems as being too ‘flirty’ with you — hair burning into a veritable inferno, yelling so loud you can feel the vibrations of his voice messing with your heart, and sending the other person scurrying away with their tail between their legs before regaining his composure, taking a deep breath, smoothing his hair down and turning to talk to you as if all of that hadn’t just happened

hades is extremely playful and loves making you laugh, which means that the two of you have so many inside jokes that make absolutely no sense to anyone else — it also means that whenever he’s dragged up to olympus he’s sat with you, a glass of alcohol in hand, making sassy comments about the other gods whilst you try your best not to burst out laughing at whatever he’s saying

he always joins in on whatever gossip you’ve heard with as much enthusiasm as you (if not even more than you) — hanging off of your every word, nodding along to your words, giving appropriate reactions (e.g. ‘really?’, ‘oh they did not do that’, ‘what a moron’, ‘he’s a guy!’, etc.) and even offering up some gossip of his own that he’s learned from the fates or that he’s learned from some of his servants in the mortal realm (meg, for instance, is an excellent source of juicy gossip if you can manage to get a hold of her)

he has a habit of referring to you as his ‘king/queen/co-ruler’ when talking to his servants and any mortals he’s stumbled upon whilst doing his job — it’s generally believed that he’s just talking about the underworld but you know all too well that he’s talking about something much, much grander

whenever he’s in a low mood, he recharges by basically collapsing on top of you and complaining very dramatically about whatever is bothering him — either burying his face in your chest whilst you cradle him there and stroke his back, or lounging over your lap and clutching his hands over his eyes whilst he rants and you caress the side of his face and listen to his complaints

(he does the same for you, of course, but sometimes it’s nice for him to be vulnerable and let you take care of him)

[cinnamon-girl-writes]

HIIII ITS ME AGAIN THE ONE WHO REQUESTED MITSUYA FIC ( HEAVEN SENT) I REALLY LIKEDDD IT BAEEE CAN I REALLY HAVE SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN? like s/o still managing the company but she is has higher status (bc they are 18) AND PLSSS CAN U INCLUDE TOMAN TOO? like their reaction to girlboss woman who everyone listens IM SORRY BUT THIS SCENARIO IS SO FUNNN u can make it as a fic like they are with toman and s/o orders someone to do their job THANKKKK U SO MHCH BAEE

HIIIIIIIII OMG IM LITERALLY SO FLATTERED. I CANT BELIEVE YOU LIKED IT 💕💕💕 mini rant: honestly i'm so glad people are still interacting with the tokyo rev fandom like this. i feel like all the content i've seen for it recently is just pure smut, and these characters are teenagers for most of the series !! or it's all for the newer characters and people forget about the old favs </3 so SEND ME ALL YOUR TOKYOREV ASKS!!!! if anyone cares my personal favs are mitsuya, chifuyu, baji, and Shinichiro :))

:♪*:·’ﾟ♭.:*·♪’ﾟ。.*#:·’ﾟ.:*♪:·’.:♪*:·’ﾟ♭.:*·♪’ﾟ。.*#:·’ﾟ..:♪*:·’ﾟ♭.:*·♪’ﾟ。.*#:·’ﾟ.:*♪

heaven struck . . . mitsuya x reader, pt 2

mini series, fluff, cringe warning?, no spoilers, this is set a little while after part 1 so they're more comfortable with eachother now

by @cinnamon-girl-writes

work today had been busier than usual. since you were a college student now, it meant you got to work full days of the week at your dad's company. however, it also meant long days of dealing with less-than-knowledgable colleages who got on your nerves all too often.

luckily, the clock was just striking 12:30, making it time for you to take your lunch break. you had packed leftovers that your mom made last night, but you weren't looking forward to them that much. but it saved money and time, so that was your lunch plan for today.

as you went down the elevator to the employee break room (it wasn't as nice and spacious as your office, but it was a chance to get out and socialize) you went to check your messages. one popped up from your boyfriend, mitsuya.

taka <3 12:23 pm:

-> about to take your lunch break?

you sent him a quick text back telling him that you were just heading downstairs. on your way, you needed to make a pit stop at the reception desk to drop of some important documents to the receptionist, liza. she was a nice girl, a few years older than you, who had started working at the company a few months ago.

as you entered the main lobby a smile crept onto your face as you noticed three familiar faces: your boyfriend, takashi; his best friend, draken; and their leader, mikey. the latter was snacking on what seemed to be a dorayaki and tapping on the glass of the fish tank. you quickly dropped the files off with a quick word to liza before sneaking up behind takashi, who was turned the other direction. you wrapped your arms around his neck from behind, pulling him down to your height.

"may i help you, sir?" you say with a giggle into his ear. you let him go enough for him to turn around and see you, which quickly has him pulling you into a tight embrace.

"i missed you so much today . . . oh, and i brought you lunch."

loosening his hold on you, he held out a bag. you looked inside to see it was from your favorite cafe down the street. you thanked him by pressing a kiss to his cheek.

a cough comes from draken's direction. "uh, can we get going soon? we have a toman meeting tonight."

mitsuya ran his hand through your hair on more time before turning back to his friends. "you guys go ahead. i'm gonna spend the rest of the day with y/n, if that's okay with you guys."

draken grumbled, and you heard something under his breath like, "i never get to skip meetings for emma..."

mikey grinned, finishing off the last bite of his snack. "i know i can always count on you, so you can have the day off, mitsuya. besides, me and ken-chan need to go by the dorayaki stand before it closes!"

with that, you said your goodbyes and the pair was off. that left you with your boyfriend for the rest of your lunch break.

"so, wanna come see my office?" you asked. you intertwined your fingers with his. after giving you another peck on the cheek, the two of you made your way up the elevator and down the hallway.

"wow, you have your own room all to yourself? impressive," mitsuya remarked. you blushed at his words. you were proud of your accomplishments, but it felt good to have someone you cared about so much acknowledge them.

"so, this is my desk and my computer where i do most of my work," you said, giving mitsuya a mini-tour. "then over here i have a cabinet with some files and notes . . . and i have a nice view of the city."

mitsuya strolled around the room, taking everything in.

"i love it," he chimed. "it's very you."

you smile at his compliment before he speaks again.

"eat, please. you need the energy for the rest of your day."

the next thirty minutes went on peacefully, you finishing your food and mitsuya observing the rest of your office. you had a little fish tank in the corner, and he watched as the orange and white goldfish glided around the aquarium.

as you went to see how much time you have left for lunch, you were interrupted by a knock at your door. opening it, you see your colleage, andrew.

"hi, can i . . . help you?" you asked. it was strange for one of your coworkers to come directly to your office, especially at this time of day.

"yeah, just letting you know i'm heading out. bye!" he said, walking away as he spoke.

"early? did you finish those reports i need?" you asked.

"no, but i'll finish them tomorrow morning, i promise." he continued, still walking away.

"excuse me! you can't just leave important and confidential work unfinished and open on your computer. you need to finish that before you leave." you responded.

he sighed, loosening his tie before trudging back to his cubicle. "oh, okay . . . "

closing the door, you sighed, running your hands over your face. sudddenly, you hear a chuckle from behind you. it's your boyfriend mitsuya, of course-- you would recognize that laugh anywhere.

you dropped your hands to your lap, smiling slightly. "what's so funny, huh?"

mitsuya looked up at you. "i just didn't know my girlfriend was such a badass, that's all. the way you handled that was amazing."

you laughed shyly, mitsuya taking your hands. "well, it's not always easy," you muse. "but it pays well."

grinning, your boyfriend leans up to press a kiss first to your cheek, then to your lips. "and you look amazing doing it, baby."

:♪*:·’ﾟ♭.:*·♪’ﾟ。.*#:·’ﾟ.:*♪:·’.:♪*:·’ﾟ♭.:*·♪’ﾟ。.*#:·’ﾟ..:♪*:·’ﾟ♭.:*·♪’ﾟ。.*#:·’ﾟ.:*♪

i don't really like it :((( but i hope it fits what you wanted 🤍

[knifekris]

im birthday

i turn 23 on the 23rd of september! yiippiiiee! its a birthday ive been looking forward to a long time.

i moved in july and im still catching up on some bills so i figured this is a good opportunity to ask for some help in having a less stressful month than usual, and maybe get me/my cats some nice stuff :]

im not in any desperate situation so this is just if anyone would like to throw a couple bucks my way to say hbd

thank you and love bugs

vnmo: drey-joan

ppl: dannygaymer

cshapp: dreyjoan

[lostghostthing]

Marshall's lil sister

Warning

Im not good at writing spice or smut...so...yea, it's going to be very bad. Im sorry

!¡Spoilers for The Lost Boys¡! (Kinda...)

  Information: You are Haley's little sister. You two got Separated in your early teens. She was 2 years older than you. Now your 23, looking beautiful as ever and also looking for your sister. You heard that haley was somewhere in New Orleans. You packed your things and drove to New Orleans. It was beautiful.

You were able to find someone that knew were she was. The Mikaelons. You heard a lot about them. Especially the hybrid, named Klaus Mikaelon. Anyone was scary of him, but he didn't scare me.

I drove up to the beautiful Mansion that the Mikaelons lived in. I took a Very deep breath and opened my door. "Lets go see if my sister is here" I walked up to the door. I knocked on the door three times.

A beautiful blonde girl answered the door. "Hi, is Haley Marshall here?" I asked. "Why are you asking?" Oh... She's British. Nice. "She's my sister and I haven't seen her in over a decade" I looked down, feeling a little emotional. "Haley love, your sister is here" the beautiful blonde called I to the big house. "Please come inside, love" she smiled, moving out the way. "Thank you" I smiled, walking in. "Wow, this is beautiful" I looked around me as I walked in. "I know, its amazing" she hummed. "Come sit down" she led me to the living room.

"Hello there" A brown haired man said. He was sitting on a white couch with a book in his right hand. "Hello, you must be.... Elijah?" I asked sitting down on a white couch, A cross from him. "Yes, im Elijah Mikaelon. Who are you?" "Im Yn Marshall, younger and the only sister of Haley Marshall" I smiled. "Im Rebekah Mikaelon" Rebekah sat next to me. "I love your hair" I said to her, "thanks"

"Yn!?" I turned my head to see who I've been looking for. "Haley!" I stood up and ran to her. "I can't believe I found you" I hugged her tightly, "I can't believe it's you" she hugged back.

"Who is this?" A tall dirty blonde man walked in the room. "Klaus, this is my sister, Yn. Yn this is-" "the big bad hybrid" I smirked. His face turned very serious, in less than a second. I was being pushed up against by Klaus. His hands on my throat, I could still breathe, but it was a little hard to do so. "Put her down!" Rebekah stood up from her seat quickly. "Dont you never call me that again." He said with his thick british accent. "Cute" I laughed. What that, his hands got tighter. "Niklaus! Get your hands off the poor women" Elijah stood up and vamp ran next to him. He pulled him off of me and looked my neck. "Are you ok? Do you need anything?" He asked glancing at Klaus. "Im fine" I smiled at Elijah, who smiled back.

"Lets go to my room" Haley grabbed me and I followed her to her room.

We walked up the long, dark brown stairs into A short hallway. The hallway was a light tan color, with dark brown on the side.

"Here it is" Haley smiled as opened the door. The room was beautiful, and a bit messy, but beautiful. "Wow" I smiled as I sat on her bed. "It looks really cute" I smiled again, "but not really your aesthetic" I looked at her. "I know, I've been here for a two months. I'll be getting some things for my room" she sat next to me. "How have you been?" "Looking for you and our pack. And luckily, I found both" I looked at her. "Really?" "Yea, but let's not get sad here. How about we watch a movie?" "Sure" "The Lost Boys?" "Hell yeah!" She yelled grabbed a DVD of The Lost boys. "I haven't watched it in forever" I smiled as I put it in the tv. "Me nether" Haley smiled. "We should got some sneaks" "yeah" we got up.

Me and her both ran down stairs like when we were little pups. Me and her raced to the kitchen. I beat her, just like when we were pups. "What do you want?" Haley asked, "m&Ms, peanut m&Ms, nerds, gummies or cotton candy?" She finished her question. "How about like?" I smirked, "just like when we were pups" she smiled. She put all the things in a bag, so it would be easier to carry upstairs. I made two bags of popcorn, me and her both love popcorn. A lot...

After we made our popcorn, Rebekah wanted to join. I said yes, cause she seemed cool. I grabbed another bag of popcorn and made it for her.

"So, how does.... This work?" "Well, we just watch movies, do each other hair, talk about boys and other stuff" I smiled. Rebekah smiled as we walked up the stairs. "This is going to be fun!" I yelled as i walked in.

I jumped on the bed and placed the popcorn down. I jumped off the bed and sat in a chair, that I moved in front of the bed. Rebekah and Haley sat on the bed behind me. "Yn, could you press play?" Haley asked, "sure!" I jumped up and pressed play before sitting back down. "What are we watching?" Rebekah asked, "The Lost Boys" I turned to her with a smile. "What's that?" "Its a vampire movie" I said. "oh, so this is a vampire movie?" "Yep! Me and Haley watched it when we weren't suppose to" I laughed. "Well that, let's get started" Haley started to do my hair. "Rebekah, do you want me to do your hair?" I asked, "sure" she moved down and sat in front of me. As Haley did my hair, I did Rebekah's.

We were now at the part where Michael, Star, Laddie and the Lost Boys are at their cave.

"So Rebekah, do you have a crush on anyone?" I said finishing up her hair, "In the movie" Haley added. " "I think, Dwayne, he's cute" she said looking at the scene. How about you Haley? Still like Paul?" I wiggled my eyebrows, even though she couldn't see them. "I bet you still like Marko and Sam" she fired back at me. "What!? Their cute" I told her. We laughed at the stupid little argument we had.

Skip Time~~~

Third person

Half way through the movie, the girls fell asleep. Haley was laying on her stomach on her bed, facing the tv. Yn on the chair with her feet on another. Rebekah was next to Haley, laying on her stomach too. The girls were fast a fall, until Yn woke up.

Yn's POV

I woke up to the ending of the movie. With the frog brothers, Sam and Michael setting up the house for the attack.

I stood after a minute of adjusting to my eyes. I turned to see Rebekah and Haley sleeping on her bed. I quietly walked and opened the door. I turned and closed the door quickly and quietly. After closing the door, I turned back to see Klaus. "Hello luv" "hello Mr. Mikaelon" I started to walk to the stairs. "Mr. Mikaelon?" Klaus followed me to the kitchen. "What do you want Klaus?" I turned to look at him. He got inches away from me and leaned down "You..." He said in a low voice, my Spine Shivered.

"What?" I looked up at him, he smirked and kissed me. I surprisingly kissed back, I kinda liked it. He was a great kisser. He hands grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to him. Then I felt cold air. I opened my eyes to see, we were in a different room.

Klaus placed me on the bed and started to move to my neck. Bitting and sucking on in. "Klaus..." I moaned, I felt he lips smirk in to my neck. "Yes luv?" "You're... You're an... Vamp-" "it's fine. I wouldn't bit to hard" he said, moving to my collar bone. "Klaus. What... What about your siblings?" I couldn't help but moan. "It'll be fine" he said as I ripped my shirt in two. "Hey! That was one of my favorite tops" I yelled at him. "I'll get you another" he said making his way to my breasts. "Klaus-" "shut. Up." He said, and so I did. He then ripped off my dark purple laced bra. "Cute" he Whispered in my ear as he took off my Jean shorts. "On your knees" he said. I quickly got on my knees and looked up at him.

I have had sex, but never with a vampire. I've only had have sex with other wolves and humans. Never a vampire. Oh boy, was this going to be fun.

Klaus smirked again as he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. I could see the bugle in his dark blue boxers. I swallowed, scared of how big it would be. "Go on luv..." He said. I pulled down his boxers to his feet, following where the boxers when. "Look at me Luv" he said, I looked up slowly.

   God! It was big. I got wet, as soon as I saw it. I grabbed it with both of my hands, licking the tip. I gulped before bringing it to my mouth. I slowly put his dick into my mouth. I started to bob my head, taking his giant dick into my little mouth. I went slow, getting used to his size. It hitting the back of my throat as I did. He goans filled the air as I continued to bob my head. He grabbed a fist full of my hair, pulling on it lightly, as I bobbed my head. "Yn.... You...you're do...doing great" he moaned. I got wet hearing him said my name. I moan as it hit the back of my throat, again and again. 

  All of a sudden, I was on the bed. "Be a good girl and dont make a sound" he whispered in my ear. I got EVEN wetter feeling his hot breath in my ear. "I love your panties, but just like your bra, I'll going to get rid of them" he winked. In one moment, cold air replaced where your panties were. "Wet already? And you dont even know me" he smirked. He lowered himself in between my thighs. "So wet" he said before kissing my inner right thigh. "So. Wet." He said as he got closer to my core. He placed his warm tongue in my wet pussy. I bit my bottom lip, holding back moans. I slammed my eyes shut, as he pushed his tongue in and out my body. I bit my lip so hard, I think it started to bleed.

  Then, again, in a second, I was on top of Klaus. "Ride me, Luv. Ride me now!" I moves to his dick and slowly shoved it into me. "Ahhhh" I moaned at how big it was. "Ahh" I moaned again, forgetting what Klaus told me. When I was all inside me, I started to bounce. "Ahh, Klaus..." I moaned again, "yes Luv?" Klaus moaned back. "God..." I moaned, not sure what to say. "Why... Why are you... So... So big?" Was the only thing I could think of. "Because I am" he smirked, grabbing my hips. "AhHhHhHhHh" I bit my lip down after that one. It was loud, I think I wake up someone. I didn't know if I really did tho. He moved my hips, helping me bounce on him faster then before. 

  "Klaus, im gonn....gonna... Cum" I moaned VERY loudly. "Go on luv, Cum on me" he smiled. I moaned VERY VERY VERY LOUDLY that I think Japan heard me. I released on his dick, as he released inside me me. I fall behind him, breathing heavy. "That... Was.... Amazing" I looked at him, "I bet it was" he winked. He pulled me closer to him and grabbed the covers. Placing them on top of both of us. 

I hope you enjoyed??? IDK what to put

Word Count: 3000+

[minglana]

im turning 23 in less than 2 months.... this is crazy i barely feel 19😭😭😭

[vampryoteuthis]

You 🤝 me

Unfortunately getting increasingly weird asks from this anon for some reason. We aren't even mutuals but someone sent me one of your asks and anon seems to think we're friends? Wait til they find out I turn 23 in less than 2 months 😭😭😭 anyway have a great rest of your day o7

Why is this person so obsessed with us,, man,,, if im 21 and getting old I’m not sure what this spells for you (joking of course). Have a good day as well man!

[newluvrs]

get 2 know me! bb note: just for fun, interview style :] (I also included one of my favorite scenes from one of my fav movies for the header pic.. hurts so good)

basics!

my name is bb (not actually but my real name shall remain a mystery... im so mysterious....), I reside in the u. s., and I am turning 23 next month! I'm in my final year of college and I'm completing a double degree, one is business & the other is design & production :p

kpop!

my journey w/ Kpop is a silly one bc I have been into it for abt 8 ish years now? it was whenever fire by bts had just dropped lol ..

main groups I listen to areeee: NCT (been a czennie for ages <3.. I remember when we didn't have a name yet) & loona! (ofc riize, txt, p1h) I listen to so so many others but these r like the only ones I make an active effort to keep up with.. I've been cultivating my playlist for years so if I were to write everyone I listened to we would b here a lifetime, but I listen to most groups especially in the 2nd-3rd gen range, 4th and 5th gen I still do it's just less likely I'll know a group, I also tend to heavily listen to gg music more often than bg

groups I've seen live: NCT Dream & Loona! I am also seeing Dream and ARTMS live again later this year aaaaaaaa :v

biases: mr. Jonathan Suh has been my ult for literal YEARSSSSSS you cannot pry me off this man I remember waiting 4 his debut... crazy, Sungchan (of course), Soobin (txt), Jiung (p1h), I also biased chuu for soooo long! that is My Girl

music! (non-kpop)

genuinely I listen to so much, I think kpop makes up like 10%?.. and there is absolutely no correlation between genres like at all 😭😭 artists I frequent these days r: mitski, fka twigs, dpr (all of them but mostly Live), daft punk, yeule, the marias, deftones, smashing pumpkins, lamp, pixies, the cure, Japanese breakfast, Magdalena bay, ichiko aoba, etc....

I grew up w/ extremely music loving parents so I have just acquired alot and I'm always adding 2 my collection.. when I was like 7 circa 2008 I had this little mp3 player and I remember my dad putting artists like deftones, my chemical romance, the cure, anthony green, smashing pumpkins, Paramore, etc. onto it and it was my favorite thing ever.. of course he put some Miley Cyrus on it too lol

hobbies + interests!

anything w/ art! I draw, sing, dance, write, play music, sew, etc.! I also really love cinema!! I enjoy fashion & making my own clothes.. my gma taught me to sew so it is near & dear 2 my heart. I play Nintendo! Ocarina of Time is my favorite game ever. I'm not much of a gamer but I have played really random ones like the entirety of silent hill as well as death stranding! Pls talk abt movies w/ me bc I am always down 🧎🏻‍♀️ I also tattoo occasionally, I have given myself a few..

favorites!

shows: derry girls, bob's burgers, fleabag movies: pan's labyrinth, fantastic mr. fox, scream songs: lovers rock - tv girl, I will - mitski, don't be so hard on your own beauty - yeule gg songs: stylish - loona, lp - red velvet, night rather than day - exid bg songs: life is still going on - nct dream, bills - enhypen, 0x1=lovesong - txt

[bonginspector]

My friend Sara is facing homelessness and needs your help, im posting on her behalf. She hasn’t asked me to and doesn’t know I am, I’m just someone who has been homeless and cares about other people. Below is the bio of her go fund me, she’s had a very rough year. Rent is due, y’all know how it is. Link will be at the bottom.

Hi all.

It is with a heavy heart that I am starting another fundraiser. Less than a month ago I started a fundraiser after an incident on December 23. My car was damaged when I ran a flat hitting a pothole, and without cell phone reception or a jack. As I was up a mountain on a forest road I was left with no other option than to drive on the rim to get to cell phone reception. This broke not only one but two axles on my car and rendered it with more mechanical damage and cosmetic issues. Devastatingly, yesterday January 11, my insurance company came with the final verdict: my car, not even a year old to me, has been deemed a total loss. I am now completely without wheels. I work a job that pays $7/ hour with barely any tips. I am walking 20.000-40.000 steps a day walking to work, walking at work, from work, doing errands, and walking my dogs, and it is all breaking me. This car loss comes atop a very traumatic half year. At the end of August, my husband and partner of 20 years abandoned me with no means. I was left unable to pay rent as I was a student only working part-time making 960/month and my rent is $1600. Then, a month later, my stepfather died suddenly and unexpectedly. As if that wasn't enough, my childhood friend killed himself in November, and my car got damaged in December. I've struggled to find a reliable roommate, and the one I had turned out to not be, and he broke the lease in December. I can not make this rent alone. My current job doesn't pay enough for me to sustain myself on my own.

The picture above is from dinner on my graduation day this past May, 2022. You see a pin on my blazer. That's a Phi Theta Kappa pin that I got when I graduated with the highest honors from the graphic design certificate program I attended. As a continuing student, I am still at a 4.0 GPA and with major scholarships. Sadly, this new situation is causing me to forfeit my school and scholarships. The only person who has offered to help me by providing a roof over my head and a safe place for me to rebuild my finances and self is my high school friend who lives in Morgantown, West Virginia. This fundraiser is created to help me avoid homelessness that will inevitably come if I can't get myself and my pets to Morgantown. I am needing to pay for a shipping container to move a small number of my belongings there. I will also need to rent a car, and pay for hotels/motels along the way. I am begging you and everyone you know to help me so that I don't have to give up my pets and move into a homeless shelter. Please help me get to my safe place — My friend's house in Morgantown, West Virginia.

Kindly but regretfully,

Sara

[angstics]

a long introspective post because i know with time i will forget this and i want to remember it all.

night of june 30th, technoblade's death was announced. i didnt believe it for a few minutes because i couldnt watch the video (i still havent). but it was true -- he passed away age 23 from cancer he discovered *less than a year* before his death. i keep quiet about how much i liked minecraft youtubers 2020 - 2021 because that turned out to be a DISASTER. but technoblade was one of the shining beacons. genuinely always the best, completely outside of post-death rose-tinted glasses. always.

before that, i was kind of getting into my chemical romance. id known of them my whole life. from dan and phil references to annoying ass g-note jokes to the twenty one pilot's cancer cover. i heard the Big Three hits but couldnt tell you what they were (except for "welcome") before listening to three cheers for the first time at the end of june. i dont know why i decided to start them. i wasnt really into music -- my top albums the last couple years included burnham's inside, starkid's twisted, and falsettos (2016). i wish i remembered better. if listening to them for the first time isnt a core memory, this is:

after 6 months of relative stability, i understandably hit a depressive episode in july. i would lie on my couch into the early morning for no reason. i wasnt trying to distract myself from his death ... there were no thoughts to be distracted from. it isnt a headspace i understand, especially since i never left it.

but for another unknown reason i thought to watch those mcr live shows. mind, at this point id only listened to three cheers. no exaggeration, i was betwitched by their performance. i most vibrantly remember gerard's eyes. crazy fucking eyes.

i'd forgotten cancer was an mcr song. when top released their cover, i listened to the original. i decided i liked twenty one pilots' more. i switched on that when i saw my chem on snl (i didnt watch BPID all the way through til a week later). it's the stripped down song, it's the direct lyrics, it's the crazy eyes. like he's trying to communicate EVERYTHING through his eyes.

the intro to BPID was like that too. when he ripped the hospital dress off and did the ghoul scream. had that feeling when i saw frank perform vampire money in glasgow. just. completely uninhibited. performace to say something truthful. unlike anything ive ever seen. from someone who wasnt very into music or live performance or theatre, much less the mechanics of it, i suddenly understood it all.

that screenshot is an abridged version of my actual search history. this is how it went.

june 26 i watched ->

side bar, thinking about it now, my interest in pink floyd directly lead to my interest in mcr. early morning july 1st, this is what i was watching (alan parsons project great reccomendation from my friend bink bonk):

july 2 i was watching videos a friend of techno's publicized to commerate him. the mcr video was in the reccomended tag -- a combo of the live pink floyd video and the im not okay mv. crazy how influenced my life is by where youtube leads me.

then i saw a LITTLE bit of BPID before seeing my chem in 2022 for the first time. this was just weeks after bonn. i didnt watch the full eden either. but i did watch all of "welcome" at milton keynes, based on the time stamps

this whole fucking day spent watching mcr videos. reading 2011, zack sang clip frank iero explains reading 2011 drama, mcr iceberg explained, "mcr best perfomance", "mcr best moments", mcr on letterman, mcr snl, "understanding the black parade" (i had not listened to black parade) -- then i left at 4pm. probably to sleep.

july 2nd was The day. i remember while watching these videos a realization hugging me. i knew that i was struck. from july until november, the majority of my conversations had something to do with my chem.

at the very beginning, i texted people about them to gage modern attitudes. growing up, they were adjacent to bands i thought sold out or lost their spark -- panic!, twenty one pilot, fall out boy. as ive said a million times, there is a Reason i didnt get into my chem earlier. just the other day on a SPECIFICALLY EMO SUBREDDIT there were people talking about how they "weren't ashamed to like mcr". where does this shame come from!!!!!! too mainstream for punk, too punk for mainstream. everyone knows this.

well anyway, july 2nd was just the first layer: the performance. july 11 (/early july 12) was another big day. the second layer: gender and sexuality. literally my tags on the first mcr post i reblogged ->

then i saw the great collection by flockofdoves and. well.

same day i found out about "i wanna be your joey ramone" and sleater-kinney, though i wouldnt listen to the song for a short while. that's layer 4: branching out to other music.

layer 3 was music appreciation. i listened to each of their albums in full sequentionally (KIND OF since i relistened to bullets 3 times were i only listened to the others in full 2 times max), purposuefully holding off for weeks between each album. i remember the first time i sat down to listen to black parade. i was buzzing at like 12:30 am because id decided that was the night. the end -> dead rocked my whole world. never got the instinct to bang your head around til those songs. the whole album was fucking amazing but something aboout famous last words got to me. id be sitting in the car with my sister and singing the bridge over and over. the perfect string of words -- with words i thought id never speak: awake and unafraid, asleep or dead.

i used to hate live performances because the music sounded worse than the studio version while giving me nothing performance-wise. id never wanted to go to a concert in my life. but not only did they sound GOOD live, it was a whole different experience. an adaptation that added to the experience in ways entirely different to what is lost. like i said, crazy eyes. and smiles like flowers and the audience louder than the amps and movement led by sound and memory. like. like nothing else. you cant understand this unless youre in love -- completely dedicated to it.

sometime in august i discovered they were coming to my town the next month. the first concert i ever wanted to go to. my parents were a nightmare about it the whole month until i got the permission to go. ive said also said this a million times: it was like rapture.

i dont understand why you would want to do anything that doesnt work towards that same feeling. my parents didnt get that feeling and i couldnt go to another show. it's been months and it still drives me insane. it drives me fucking insane. it drives me insane.

so those are the core memories related to my chem that got me here. it's a lot of love. love so big i cant even hold. it's belief. something close to religious. it's a lot of fear too -- fear the feeling will go away, that i'll "wake up", fear that they'll be taken. one reason i dont like music is the feelings i attach to it are so profound that i cant listen to it without feeling what i felt in the past. it's why i limit how much i listen to my chem. that's another fear -- though i attach positive feelings to the band, im engaging in it while depressed. more than engaging, obsessing. i cant focus on much else.

i hope as i get better mentally, this doesnt leave me. i got into it to cope. it showed me another dimension of art and life and emotion. it's a hard thing to navigate. i want the good, healthy parts of this to be my life. i hope i can figure that out. i hope it works out.

july 26 2020, i looked this up:

i have no memory of this at all.

the night before, i was on a technoblade binge that ended with me watching one of his seminal videos that i remember beat for beat.

i love technoblade forever. i cant watch his videos right now, but i hope i can someday. i love my chem forever. i hope-

[songtwo]

for years i would beat myself up thinking i had made all the wrong choices - wrong school, wrong city, wrong career and there was no way i could've possibly controlled that but i would just wish i had been born someplace else that wasn't as fucked up as it is here and the future terrified me bc there was nothing clear about it and around me things just seemed to get worse and worse. then around mid summer 2022 i started to accept things as they were and even though i was not happy or content i knew I couldn't stay that way so I started making peace with the good things - my mom, my pets, being able to go to school and living in a city that was a little less awful than others. and this is not in a law of attraction live laugh love manifest girlboss etc kind of way but soon afterwards things started looking up. i got an internship at a record label, i met the love of my life and applied for my current job as a music journalist - all within the span of one month. and from then on life has just been wonderful. I'm starting to achieve my dreams and i finally feel loved and seen and overall it's been perfect.

so again this is not in a live laugh love kind of way i think me being trying to be positive and good things starting to happen was a coincidence but the point is: for the longest time i thought and even hoped i would die before 23 and i genuinely believed i was doomed to live a miserable and lonely and meaningless life and now my dream life seems more possible everyday and i hope i get to live until 95 and im the happiest I've ever been. so i think what I'm trying to say is things eventually do get better. it will take years and it will feel like forever but it does get better and its like when rainer maria rilke said life has not forgotten you!!! it might take 21 years or 30 or more and life might take unexpected turns and everything will feel hopeless but i really do believe things will turn out okay eventually and there is nothing u can do but hold on and stay strong and it's so cliche and annoying but it is true and there is always art and hot beverages and loved ones to hold your hand and keep you company while you wait for the sun to shine again

[audreyrambles]

03/08/23

heyyyyy long time no talk, basically everything is going okay, good even, me and my love interest got together and have been dating for almost half a year now, I graduated last month, turn eighteen in a couple days and am going for my license in a few weeks, so things have been looking up

but of course I dont come on here when things are going good, hense the very long absence.

so of course, here is my problem of the day:

my sister came back from uni to live with us again.

now hold on now yall, I know I sound awful and this whole thing is gonna sound awful but I do love her dearly and im very glad shes home, this is all just coming from a new place of frustration.

I want nothing more than to get my shit together and begin my adult life, but of course just as I start to get that sense of normalcy, she comes home and absolutely demolishes my plans because suddenly my mother is catering to her.

I have to be driven to school everyday and plan my life around my moms simply because my sister needs the car.

yes I understand that shes older and that getting a ride to her hospital job is probably less than convenient and ideal, but im not even fucking considered in this family

we bought a new car to share amongst the siblings and low and behold just as I thought suddenly what was meant to be for US is now for HER.

fuck off.

seriously???

I will always be the stupid fucking baby of the family and it literally makes me wanna rip my hair out and kill mysef.

she’s literally twenty six and is nowhere near independence. I know the economy is bad and she cant afford it, but maybe she’d be in a better spot financially if she didnt spend thousands of dollars going across the country.

I dunno, just for the record, I will not be like her OR my brother

I love them both so much, but I refuse to follow their footsteps cause to be honest, that would be embarrassing…

I need to prove my own worth cause clearly my own family see’s me as some fucking infant who cant take care of herself so they actively just continue to treat me like im five.

my hatred for this treatment will drive me to be more successful and I refuse to fall behind due to their negative pressures.

I wish theyd just let me grow up in peace, because all I do is build resentment for them.

[khodorkovskaya]

01.02.23

my manchester bestie is getting married and ofc im having an existential crisis over it bc i make everything about myself and myself only.

she called me yesterday and announced her engagement. and i was like "oooo how did it go? how did he propose?" and turns out it was a mutual agreement between them bc of his visa. so there was so proposal and they're only gonna have a quick wedding just to sign the papers and that's it. so it's not like a wedding wedding. (which is a shame bc i was ready to pack my suitcase and go party!) he lives in london and they only see each other once a month. and his goal for living in the uk was to get uk citizenship. now that i think about it it seems kinda fishy idk. but i don't know their relationship that much, ive only seen the guy once and we didn't really talk. they've been together for like 5 years i think and she really loves him. so it's not really my place to judge i think.

it's weird bc my london bestie was also considering getting married to her boyfriend bc he needed a visa. and a friend of mine from russia recently got married to a spanish guy she's known for like a year, and she had a small wedding so i guess it was also largely related to getting a visa asap.

it made me think about how some people have it so easy. they just go through life, not thinking that much. if they want to do something, they do it, without giving it a second thought. no justification or analysis is needed. oh you like someone? be with them! oh your boyfriend who's a good guy needs a visa? get married! it's that easy!

meanwhile im always analysing the pros and cons of everything, thinking of all the possible outcomes. and if i haven't justified my decision to a 100%, i feel like it's not valid. and then im unhappy bc i can't rationalise it all. and my friends are going with the flow, working office jobs and getting married. and i feel like they're gonna be happier in the longterm and im gonna be the loser who still hasn't figured it out while everyone's moving on with their lives.

why do some people have such an easy approach to life? would i have been happier with B if i thought less? maybe my father was right and it's not that deep. he's good looking and he loves me. what more is there to ask for? nobody is perfect so i should just suck it up and be normal like everyone else. go about my life, do things that everyone else does, not think about anything. but i just struggle with everything i do and can't figure out how to live like a normal person.

i told my stepdad about my concerns and he said that the way i approach life is better than that of my friends. bc spontaneously getting married at 23 like my manchester bestie is stupid bc marriage has huge consequences on the rest of your life. and settling for an office job and not getting a masters like my london bestie is stupid bc the job market is competitive and she might find herself behind everyone else without an extra degree. we're all stupid in our twenties and it's better to think twice now than to find yourself in a shitty situation when you're older. right..?

but idk i just wish i could take things more lightly. im so scared that everyone's gonna be happy with their spontaneous decisions and im gonna miss out on things bc i analyse things too much. i hope that it all goes well for my manchester bestie and the guy isn't just using her for her documents. and if all is well, she's probably gonna have kids when she's done with her phd and live a normal married life just like her parents. and she'll be happy and not think about anything and everything. and she'll continue going about her life and not ask herself weird pseudo-philosophical questions. i think that's what true happiness is.

and im here like an idiot, dreaming about B every night. and trying to figure out why i left him and why i was with him in the first place. and it's all so complicated and weird. and maybe i should've stayed with him and figured things out. and maybe our relationship was actually a good one and im never gonna find anyone better. why leave someone if he's a good match for you? maybe B was a good match for me. and i missed my chance to be happy.

anyway, im gonna message my manchester bestie and tell her to think twice.