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#im very sick and i needed a pick me up
hella1975 · 9 months
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my mum picking me up this morning: you're not as hungover as i thought you'd be
me, just yacked in an alleyway: yeah haha
#it's 3pm now and i still cant believe that happened that was. an experience#basically my mate's 21st coincided with her sister's 30th so they both had this big joint Event last night#where they literally rented out a farm house and the field nearby and set up a whole campsite and barbeque and everything#it was really random but also really good esp bc ive been friends with this girl since we were super young#and our mums were friends so ive just got. lots of connections to her family and it was nice seeing them all again#but there was fully like 60 people at this thing and i DID drink more than i meant to but i wasn't paralytic which is good#and my hangover ISNT that bad in terms of how bad my hangovers can get#it's just that my mate's dad picked us both up at 9am this morning which was already going to be... rough#and then proceeded to do the bumpiest drive down the country lanes ive ever experienced#i was literally grinding my teeth like i am NOT about to throw up in this man's car please if there is a god do not let me throw up#and i didn't! my mum picked me up from this (thankfully very quiet) road that has this rickety old alley coming off it#and i had the very humbling moment of 'im actually going to be sick aren't i' and had to WAIT FOR AN OLD WOMAN#TO FUCKING MEANDER OUT OF THE ALLEY AND WALK FAR AWAY ENOUGH FOR ME TO AT LEAST HAVE A SHRED OF DIGNITY#and proceeded to throw up. in a public alleyway. at 9:30am on a sunday. so of course i needed to tell you guys about it#im now force feeding myself garlic bread. im going to manchester tomorrow. i have a flight at the crack of dawn on tuesday#what is even going on anymore#also fully did just do nos last night with some 30 year olds. i cannot express how fucking odd a thing that is for me to do#actually no i can express it bc youse know that im funny about drugs so for me to not even be that drunk#and get offered a fucking balloon of all things and be like 'yeah why not!' is.... odd#i know i inhaled wrong though bc it didn't do a thing which honestly im happy about <3#hella goes home
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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ozlices · 3 months
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i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person
#mine#i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor#before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane#what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh#but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠#i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life#just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING#'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore.#truly i fucking do not#my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it#we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN#& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY#before it got this bad.#there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato#if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC#I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT//#//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU#ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree#can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc#im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING#i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please#im gonna LOSE MY MIND
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thegreatbeyondmp3 · 6 months
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bro it sucks so much to have to go to work when you're sick
#i dont wanna go but literally if i miss another day they could fire me 😬#i don't have covid at least according to the home tests but like. i still have a cold or something#and i can't call out because our time is so restricted#and its not even the worst attendance policy i know of but it still sucks to have to work around#esp coming from my last job where i could take off literally as much time as i needed to basically whenever i needed/wanted to#added on top of the fact that i just don't want to fuckin be there anyway#and that im scared im gonna pick up covid bc my immune system is currently weakened#ugh. i have to get through tomorrow and the next day#and then im off again#and then im on one more day before im back off again#so i will have a rest day again pretty soon at least#after being off the last three days#(the first was my legit day off but it was very busy and few days before that were the roughest of a tough couple of weeks -#the second i took off bc i had to babysit and. being completely honest. i watched all of fellow travelers thr night before. and esp after#how bad a time id been personally having lately. all the suffering and the loneliness and the romance just hit me so hard#tbh i just felt like i deserved a break and i could do some work at home to balance things out -#third day i woke up feeling sick and coughing pretty hard and just feeling generally miserable. which continued for most of the day.#but with less coughing until now bc im laying down)#i just wish i could take an extra day or two to actually kick this 😭#sorry this is so long i can get locquacious when im tired
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piplupod · 8 months
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(can i please get a waffle voice): can i PLEASE having a coping mechanism that doesnt turn maladaptive. can i PLEAAASE have just one !!! i am Begging you, on my hands and knees !!!!! AUGH
#tfw your coping mechanism detaches you from reality and now you're watching yourself warily to make sure u dont fall into That Pit again#skirting around the edge and unhooking my claws from the coping mechanism and holding it gingerly with the tips of my fingers#praying i do not have to put it down entirely. because man..... its slim pickings around here for shit that actually Works fhfjdkl#the issue with reality being nigh unbearable ... is that you cannot bear reality. and thus detach. but u cannot go too far away from it.#or else Bad Shit happens. that i don't especially want to experience again fhdjdkdl#it'd be so cool to have a brain that didnt do this. so i could just freely la-dee-da along with fun things#instead of the fun things turning Bad bc they went too far fjfkdl#or having to keep a very close eye on myself when i get into new things bc i can see they have the potential to go badly for Me w my brain#sobbing forever honestly. i feel awful. this sucks shit. im trying to be funny about it to cope but im Upset fjfjddkl#im so sick of this type of thing fjdkdl I wish i could just like... be okay. for a while. without it going badly like this fjfkfl#i thought maybe i was on the up finally but nooooo it's just bc i was getting too far from holding onto reality properly#god i hate this pattern. im so fucking angry w it tbh fjfkfl i cannot believe i let myself think this was going to be different fjfkfl#but anyways!! onwards we march and hopefully i figure smth out fjfkdl im uhhhh very tired#going to crawl into bed at the ripe time of 8:30pm and just go listen to music and draw or smth idk fjfkfl this is frustrating#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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ihophashbrowns · 8 months
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super trouper by abba is really my ultimate comfort song
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southislandwren · 1 year
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I deeply love the freshman but she just called twice to ask if could jump her car at a location 30 minute drive away, I am pajama’d and blind in bed . No I cannot dedicate over an hour of time when it’s already my bedtime because surprise, I wake up at fuckin 4:25 am 🙃
NO FUCKING WAY was I awake typing this godforsaken post and my other friend called me for 30 MINUTES!!!!! You fuckheads I work on a farm do not contact me after 7:30!!!! Arggghhhhhh okay goodnight and anyone else who calls me is NOT getting an answer I am asleep GOODNIGHT !!!!
#and last night I got like 5 hours of sleep and I didn’t take a nap today. I shouldn’t be fucking driving anyway because I’m SLEEPY sleepy#I was like give me 30-40 minutes and she was like uhhh I will call some other people… yeah do that .#like if I do go for a drive this weekend I’ll still invite her but I’m getting a little sick of her antics#diary post#ugh. anyway if you find this E I do deeply love you fr but I told you I wasn’t going to be a good friend this summer#and I didn’t mean like teehee I can only hang out on Saturdays#I meant the likelihood I text back or see you in person more than twice a month is VERY low#and yeah this is on me for picking a stupid fucking job but like. I need to be sick of farming before I head to a city for 5+ years#I am exhausted down to my core. I relapsed in my bad habit on Saturday. I am barely functioning.#I don’t think I’ve eaten anything that’s not fruit or dairy products in the past 3 days. I am desperately waiting for an incident at work.#begging to the universe to let me get kicked in the head or something so I can have a few fucking days off PLEASE#anyway goodnight. now im all wound up and I’ll get another 5 hours of sleep#also ironic the second friend who called me was gossiping abt this guy at work that should just shut up sometimes#and im sitting there on the other side of the phone YAWNING after picking up and answering I am already in bed#and my friend is still rambling on about stupid inane work bullshit that I do not care about.#okay goodnight for real. I hate everything
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jrueships · 1 year
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downtrodden
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vamptastic · 1 year
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yeah yeah everyone wants to be taller but when will they create a surgery that makes your fingers longer.
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frogwen · 2 years
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:’) my brothers gonna let me crash at his place tonight since my parents are still testing positive (and my mom still has a day of full isolation left) im not even going to be annoyed, im going to have a great attitude, i am speaking this into the universe
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repeating my mantra of i will not get angry at my dad for getting me a toaster. pray for me
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hella1975 · 11 months
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listening to call your mom rn (god it feels wrong spelling it like that)
gripping u by the shoulders. this song is everything to me.
#OKAY STORYTIME THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR:#do u guys remember that girl that was basically my bi-awakening and we had the very stereotypical#intense homoerotic friendship that traumatised the both of us? yeah her#well basically i still have a lot of love for her and we're still friends like she's in my hometown friend group so when i talk about them#i still mean her and out of our entire group she's the ONLY one who didn't go to uni and me and my other friend spoke recently#about how unhappy we know she is bc she got abandoned by us in this awful hometown and we dont think she loves her boyfriend#so much as she stays with him bc she literally has no one else until we come home her life is literally just waiting for us between terms#and i worry about her all the time and one thing that happened a while back was she did drugs w this one guy by the river#and she completely whitied like it was just weed but she was 17 and had never done it before and turns out she's like me#where edibles just do NOT agree with her on a good day let alone when she took as much as she did and she was with a random boy#by the fucking WIER (basically a big dangerous waterfall) and we were all at our mate's house that was a 40 min walk away#and she RANG ME. i was the one she rang. that still sticks with me. and omg it was so scary bc she was so out of it on the phone#and all i managed to get from her was that Something Was Wrong (didnt know what) and that we needed to pick her up#so we did. we got on bikes and fucking RACED to this girl and we picked her up and in the end she asked for her mum#and i was the one to take her to her mum and knock on the door and stand there with her daughter's arm around my shoulder#barely conscious her sick on my shoes and explain what happened. like WHAT#& yeah basically i still have so much love for that girl and i know she struggles with shit hence why that even happened in the first place#and it's like. im still here. i still love you. i'll call your mum. i'll come and get you. just ring me and i'll pick up. stay on the line.#so yeah this song did unimaginable damage the first time i heard it. literally gives me chills and transports me to my 17 year old self#we were young and didnt know what we were doing and the town was suffocating us#AND WE WERE BOTH DROWNING AND DIDNT KNOW HOW TO SAVE EACH OTHER BUT THERE WAS AN UNDERSTANDING THAT WE WERE DROWNING TOGETHER#ask#noah kahan
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loverboybitch · 1 year
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microdosing terror by running errands without a mask on.//.
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ohdeerfully · 4 months
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K hear me out, a wife! Reader x Alastor and Charlie finds out they had a kid when they were alive. (I don’t mind what the kids name is but make them young and passed due to Spanish flu, dark I know)
omg this has been sitting in my drafts so long, i love requests like this </3 im sorry if it seems rushed, i really wanted to finish it!
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Mourning Dove
Alastor x Reader (angst, slight comfort at end) TW: CHILD DEATH, child sickness, reader referred to as a woman but doesnt effect story too much join my discord! ═══ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ═══
You sat yourself unceremoniously at the bar in the hotel lobby, shoulders slouched and cheek squished against the cold countertop. You weren’t one for alcohol, but you didn’t mind the company of Husk. He didn’t say much unless prompted, but that didn’t bother you. It was nice, honestly, after a day of dealing with the others.
“Somethin’ the matter?” Okay. Nevermind about him not saying much.
“Hmm?” You responded, barely peeking up from your finger that dragged patterns in the surface you laid against. “I’m good.”
“You don’t look it,” Husk observed, and you knew he was referring to the discoloration of your eyes and the residual dampness of your cheeks from crying. Your hair was a mess, too. Yeah, you looked like shit. “Tough day?”
“I guess, yeah,” You sighed, pushing yourself up and leaning back in a stretch while your fingers gripped the countertop to steady yourself. “Just thinking about… Y’know.”
He didn’t pry, and you were thankful for that. Husk did know a little, actually, and knew better than to push for more details. After being stuck with Alastor for so long, with the guy owning his soul and all, he inevitably learned some deep shit about him and, by extension, you. He just grunted in response and went back to spot cleaning his bottles of booze.
“(Y/N)!” A chipper voice called your name, and you squeezed your eyes shut in frustration. You thought you were done with all of this for the day, and you were so ready to just go to sleep. “I wanted everybody to join me for dinner today! We have a few new residents, so I want everybody to meet each other.”
You squeezed your lips to prevent a harsh word from responding to Charlie’s invitation. You were so tired. You feigned a weak smile and looked at her. You wanted to say no, to say you needed to sleep, but those huge, pleading eyes of hers caught the rejection in your throat. You tried to reason with yourself that Charlie doesn’t host stuff like this very often. It would just be one night. You’ll survive.
“Okay.” 
She clasped her hands together and jumped on the balls of her feet, thanked you, and took off to find the next resident to invite. You held your head against your hand and you sighed dramatically. Husk looked at you from the corner of his eye, but opted to remain silent. You stood up after a few more minutes of quiet sulking, deciding you should fix yourself up for dinner.
In your room, you gently fixed your hair and threw on a casual outfit. Nothing super nice, just in case food started flying–knowing the antics of some of the hotel residents, it wouldn’t be a surprise.
You slowly made your way to the banquet room, which Charlie had installed for events like today. You could already hear the low murmur of small talk, and you were surprised to see a few new faces. Not a whole lot, just about five, alongside the familiar faces of your friends. Charlie’s hotel was, slowly but surely, becoming more successful.
You spotted Alastor quickly–he was hard to miss due to his height. You settled yourself in a chair next to him at a long table that Charlie had dragged into the room for everybody to sit at. You felt your skin prickle with the familiar sensation of static, which increased slightly as his attention turned towards you. He gave you a grin before focusing his eyes on the racket that was already picking up. You watched his smile curl, a bit sinister, as the sound of shouting caught your attention.
“-my fuckin’ business!” You picked up the tail end of Angel Dust fuming at Vaggie, one pair of arms crossed under his chest. He had a third hand on his hip, with his fourth hand jabbing an accusatory point at the woman in front of him.
“Guys, please!” Charlie pleaded, pressing her shoulder against Vaggie’s in an attempt to move her away from Angel. “I don’t want to scare my new guests away!”
“Tell this bitch to keep her nose outta my shit! I can’t have my fuckin’ life on the line because she doesn’t like my job!” Angel spat. There was a dangerous, maybe even frantic, look in his eyes. Before Charlie could say anything, Angel had spun around and stormed to the table. He ripped the chair out and slammed his body down. All four of his arms were crossed now as he glowered at the wooden tabletop.
You sighed, and felt a headache already forming. 
Angel’s spirits quickly changed when Husk sulked into the room. He had his paws stuffed in his pockets, and glared at the air in front of him. He sat down at the other end of the table, but Angel was quick to stand up and saunter his way over to sit next to the cat. You couldn’t quite catch the flirtatious remarks that made Husk roll his eyes. 
You observed them for a while, watching as Husk slowly grew more comfortable in the small talk he and Angel shared. He would never admit it, but you knew Husk didn’t hate Angel’s company. Husk seemingly said something about you to Angel that made him whip his head up to look at you. You quickly averted your gaze.
Charlie had been standing by her own chair, and a cough from her throat made the chatter die down. You didn’t really listen to the overly sappy speech she had started to give, your mind drifting away in absent thought. You picked your nails into the edge of the table, fidgeting with the light cloth.
Alastor caught your attention by lightly nudging his leg against yours. You trailed your eyes up to his, meeting his red gaze. There was a hint of worry in his eyes, and his grin twitched at the edges as he looked at your exhausted face. He tilted his head in a silent question.
You merely shook your head in response, and mouthed a quick “it’s nothing” and hoped that he wouldn’t press. He didn’t, but you knew he’d ask again in a private room.
Charlie sat down again, and Vaggie rubbed her shoulder, murmuring a silent praise. You dragged your eyes across the table, making note of the handful of new faces. None of them seemed to take Charlie very seriously, but that didn’t come as a surprise. They probably just liked free food.
The food in question seemingly materialized out of nowhere, and you chalked it up to her “princess of hell” type powers that she didn’t use very often. You smiled gratefully and, though you didn’t have much of an appetite, you started slowly picking at the plate in front of you.
The room once again began to rumble with small talk, but at some point the multiple conversations began to melt together until the whole table was talking to each other in one. Charlie was doing most of the heavy lifting with keeping the conversation going.
“-the deal with the Radio Demon and that gal next to him?” You perked your ears when you heard this reference to yourself. One of the new guests, some sort of lizard demon, had a finger pointed at the two of you. He had a slight country drawl in his voice. You saw Alastor’s smile widen when the attention of the table turned towards himself.
“My darling wife,” Alastor stated simply, briefly placing a hand on your shoulder. His eyes were closed as he smiled proudly. You silently nodded with a light, polite smiling. “We knew each other in life. It’s only natural for us to remain together. It would have been a shame for death to do us part.”
“Didn’t think you was the type…” The lizard said slowly, eyeing the two of you carefully. You didn’t blame him; what kind of nut job would marry the Radio Demon? Though, as Alastor said, you were married before Hell, and he wasn’t so… infamous back then. He was actually rather sweet, besides the whole serial killer thing–which, in your defense, you weren’t even aware of till he was shot to death.
“Didn’t think ya were the type to have a kid, either,” Angel piped up absently, one arm thrown lazily over the back of his chair. You watched as Husk tried desperately to shut him up as he continued to speak, but you barely heard the words over the sound of your heart picking up pace, and the increased radio frequency of Alastor’s. His body had stiffened and his eyes had shot open, quickly narrowing as his smile strained and curled dangerously, his gums visible in a snarl. His eyes were not on Angel, but on Husk, whose ears were flattened against his head and a nervous look in his wide eyes.
You weren’t really paying attention though, but you felt the intense tension and rapid prickling on your skin. Your breathing became more labored and you pointed your face to the table to try to hide the building tears in your eyes. You had tried so hard, all day, to push back the memories that kept threatening to resurface. What are the chances that on the same day, the topic was brought up, destroying the wall you had built to contain the anxiety, regret, grief…
You were kneeling by the wrinkled, messy sheets of the twin bed your son had been in for the past couple days. Your heart was tight, and you could barely breathe as you looked at him. He gazed blearily at the ceiling, following the path of the rocking fan. Every breath he took scratched at his throat, as if there were pebbles blocking the path. He barely had the strength to cough. His lips were dry and cracked, and his graying skin still had a flush of fever. You used a damp rag to clean the dried snot under his nose.
You had tried everything. Every recommended antibiotic, every treatment, therapy, exercise; nothing had worked. Nobody knew how to treat the illness. You had even tried to work with witch doctors that Alastor knew. You had spent so much of what little money you had trying to save your little boy.
Alastor was often gone during this time, being the one to go out and find something new to try. You never left the room, even when your husband tried to push you to go outside to stretch your legs or take a shower. He promised to watch over your son. But you just couldn’t, not with David laying on these dirty sheets, looking so frail, weak, and small. You had often called him little dove, and it made you sick to think that your nickname was now like a cruel adjective to describe his current state. A sick, frail baby bird. He had barely eaten in the past eight days, and you didn’t want to admit to yourself that any scratchy breath he took could be that last one.
You stiffened when his head rolled over towards you, and his eyes struggled to focus on you. His cracked lips grimaced for a moment, followed by a sharp, grating cough that made your heart drop and your eyes sting. You reached a shaky hand forward to smooth down his knotted hair.
“Am I going to be okay,” David said weakly. His voice caught on the tightness in his throat multiple times. “I feel really bad.”
“I know baby, but you’re okay,” You said tenderly, continuing to stroke his hair. “Your dad is getting you some new medicine. You’ll be okay.”
You were lying to him, and to yourself. But you couldn’t help but cling on to a morsel of hope–it was all you could do, really. David just looked towards you, his eyes flicking around slightly, unable to truly focus on anything.
“I’m tired.” He said. His breathing was labored.
“I know.”
Your emotions threatened to spill from your eyes as you watched him turn his head back towards the ceiling, eyes shutting. You didn’t want to cry; you couldn’t, not in front of him. You needed to stay strong for him.
You pressed the back of your hand to his burning forehead, and then trailed your hand to his chest, lightly pressing against him to feel his heartbeat. It was slow, and slowing. Your own heart picked up in response. 
You heard the door in another room open, shut, and footsteps quickly pace towards the room. The door cracked lightly, and the tall, thin frame of your husband peeked in. He held a brown back tightly in his fist. With one look into your eyes, he knew something was wrong. Or, well, more wrong than usual. 
You clenched your jaw to prevent any sob from escaping your lips as he sat the bag down on an end table and kneeled next to you, gripping your waist tightly as he looked at David. The boy’s breath had gotten dangerously quiet.
You watched as his eyes opened again.
“I’m tired.” He repeated, weaker this time.
Both you and Alastor leaned towards the bed, his hand on David’s leg as you gingerly lifted the boy’s head into your arms, pulling his light body towards yourself. You shifted yourself up into the bed with him, trying to wrap as much of yourself around your son as possible. You could feel his heartbeat getting slower with every weak breath he took.
“Sleep, then,” your voice trembled. You felt Alastor grip your shoulder, his other hand softly rubbing David’s arm. You couldn’t describe the expression on his face. “I’ll see you in the morning, little dove.” You lied.
“In heaven?” He responded. Your breath hitched at his words. He knew, somehow, that he was dying. How sick it was, for such a young boy to be aware of his impending death. How cruel God was.
“Yeah, I promise,” Was all you could muster. You worried that any more would destroy the dam that held back your tears.
It broke, though, when you felt David’s heart finally stop. You choked on a sob once, twice, before finally you started wailing. Screaming. You held a vice-like grip on the boy, both your arms and legs secured around him. Alastor was still quiet, but he had sat across from you on the bed and pulled you towards him, securing you and David’s still-warm body in an equally tight grip. You could feel his strained breathing and tight jaw against your head. He said something, but you didn’t hear him.
Your mind rushed back to the present when you felt a hand on your back. Your head whipped towards Alastor, who was looking at you. The table was dead silent, and there was still a look of rage in his eyes, but his smile held a softness that was only ever given to you. Your heart still beat strongly, and you struggled to breathe, but you were at least glad that your mind was still back in the present.
Evidently, barely any time had passed. Angel had a nervous look in his expression, which he tried and failed to mask as Husk cursed at him. Charlie was looking at you in worry.
“(Y/N),” She said softly. “...How come you never-”
“Truly, there is no point in speaking of life before death,” Alastor interrupted her, the usual cheer in his voice lilted by a masked emotion. You knew he felt the same grief as you, but he was a million times better at acting naturally. “What a waste of time and emotion.”
Alastor stood quickly, his hand trailing against your shoulders as he walked past you and towards Angel and Husk. Husk’s ears flattened to his skull again as Alastor loomed over them, hands behind his back as a smile twisted his features.
“Husker, my friend,” He said, the cat demon visibly flinching at the mention of his name. “Let’s take a walk.”
Husk didn’t move, and the room grew heavy with tension with every second as the sound of radio frequency got louder and somehow sharper. Alastor bent at the waist, his snarling smile inches away from the panicked expression on Husk’s face. 
“Is the tomcat getting too old to hear?” You barely picked up Alastor’s words, but you definitely heard the threatening tone in his voice.
The cat swallowed hard before standing up. He shot one last infuriated look at Angel, before whipping his head back to attention when Alastor tapped his cane against the ground impatiently. The two of them left the room, and the tension in the air immediately lifted when the door shut.
Charlie startled you when she placed a delicate hand on your upper arm, and she guided you to your feet and out another set of doors. A weak smile touched her expression.
“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked as you both went up the stairs towards your hotel room. You shook your head silently at her offer. She only nodded back, and said nothing more. She opened the door to your room for you, and waited till you settled down in your bed before saying a string of comforting words that you didn’t really pay attention to. The door clicked softly, and you once again began to sob.
Only a few minutes passed before you felt your skin prickle with a static-like feeling. You had grown to find comfort in the odd sensation, and felt incredibly relieved when you knew Alastor was sitting next to you. You didn’t even hear him enter the room.
He pulled you wordlessly against his chest, lying the two of you down. You twisted yourself in his grip till your ear rested against him, listening to the odd drum of what you assumed was a heart.
“Has David been troubling you all day?” He asked you when your sobs slowed and you caught your breath. You nodded. Alastor rubbed a soothing hand on your shoulder blade. You recognized the tone of grief in his voice as he spoke. “What a pesky boy, even all these years later.”
You wrapped your arms tightly around Alastor’s neck as tears began flowing again.
Though you would never tell him, you often hoped Charlie’s idea of redemption would work. Your husband himself would likely never follow that path; you knew he saw no point and enjoyed the power he held in Hell. But, you wished every day to see your son again. To see your little dove.
You had promised him.
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having the worst fucking 24 hours 🤪
#feeling very 🤧🙃😶😞😒🤬🔪 today#was on family vacation yesterday and my parents told me n my sister my brither wasnt coming#only to spring on us last minute that he did in fact get off work and was in fact coming#and even though we said we woukdnt go if he was we went anyways but we drove down a day later#and he is just such a miserable fucking asshole and cant help but pick a fuckig fight and be as demeaning as possible#that he started some shit yesterday and my sister and i pcked up early and drove the eight hours home last night#and like it was the right choice if we had stayed it either would have kept escalating or we would have just hidden in our room at which#point why even fucking be there#but now my parents are guilt tripping us for 'punishing them for his behavior' and are telling us wr need to 'just ignore it and act like#adults for once' but the thing is we're always the ones who have to fucking ignore it and act like adults#and we told them if he was there we didnt want to be bc we knew being stuck.in a house w him for a full week had no way of ending well#and they still had us come and still coukdnt believe when we followed through on removing ourselves from thw situation when it got too be#too much and like. maybe it was dramatic of us but im sorry#there is no one else in my life who could treat me the way he does and speak to me the way he does and demean me the way he does that i#would tolerate being around me and they never would expect me to!!! if i had a friend who acted like he does even one single time they would#tell me to get that person out of my life but suddenly bc we're related im supposed to have no boundaries and just get through by Being The-#Bigger Person??? no fucking way y'all have been telling me to ignore him and to be the bigger person for as long as i can fucking remember#and im sick of it!!!!! why should i have to just grin and bear literal abuse and harassment??#he has such a horrible temper and multiple times in the pst he has let that temper escalate to him actually putting his hands on me#and threatening to hurt me and my sister#so how tf am i supposed to know when the next time his yelling is going to turn into more?#and even the yelling and ranting and hqrassment why tf would i put up with it???#aorry for the rant im just so fucking mad#and now im here at home w no plans and my car is broke so i cant even drive over to my partners house which is all i really want to do#and they're going to come get me when they get off of work but thats this evening and rn i just want to cry#anyways if you read this sorry 🤧🤧🤧 i just needed to get it out of my system#my post
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star-girl69 · 6 months
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So It Goes…
Clarisse La Rue x Fem!AphroditeCabin!Reader
—-
sypnosis: the one day chiron decides to switch up the capture the flag teams, and everyone knows you’re clarisse’s weakness, In A Good Way sequel!!
i changed my theme it’s me tho promise
a/n: protective clarisse the love of my life i love you i do i think we should get married actually anyways this one is sooooooo i got to explore a more casual side of clar’s and reader’s relationship in this (for like a min) i hope you all enjoy!!
So It Goes… - Taylor Swift
warnings: soft clarisse my love, protective clarisse we KNOW how i feel abt her…., also slightly possessive clarisse i think i love you too, again clarisse gets a bit too into capture the flag, clarisse picks reader up which i KNOW is not inclusive (im literally plus-sized idk what the hell am i doing) but it was so good i couldn’t resist, she has like super strength probs so i’ll just believe (she literally could not pick me up i need to stop being delusional), swearing, violence, kissing, a bit suggestive but nothing crazy, tell me if i missed anything!!
—-
Clarisse’s bed is one of your favorite places. You’ve spent so many nights here, wrapped up in her arms, feeling like no one could touch you. And you’ve spent secret days with her hands on your waist, yours in her hair, lips pressed together so tight it’s like you were each other’s oxygen.
You love Clarisse’s bed. And you know Clarisse loves her bed too, seeing as it’s a huge source of pride for her- it’s the best bunk in the cabin, and she gets a major kick over the fact that you sleep here just as much as you sleep in your own cabin.
You’re sitting down, watching Clarisse pace back and forth, her spear in her hand.
“Clarisse,” you say. She brought you here just fo freak out. Now she won’t sit down and let you help her, and she wont just freaking listen. “Clarisse, baby, what’s wrong? Can you at least put your spear down so you don’t accidentally kill somebody? If you kill me with that I’m gonna come back and kill you.”
She stops for a moment and leans her spear up against the wall. You let out a sigh.
“Now just sit down-”
She resumes her pacing.
As much as you love just being in Clarisse’s presence, as much as you know you’re her rock, the only thing that keeps her tethered in the storm she constantly fights through, you need her to let you help her.
“Clarisse!” you stand up, placing your hands on her shoulders. “You’re freaking me out, okay? What happened? I-I’m sure we can fix it, I mean…” you rub your hands up and down your arms, which you know she likes, her muscles are one of her biggest sources of pride.
She sits down, letting you stand in between her legs, her hands moving to hold your hips.
“Sorry,” she mumbles. She’s not very good at handling her emotions, but she’s getting better, and at least she’s able to recognize and apologize when her emotions are hurting other people. Well, you, at least. She breathes out. “Chiron decided to switch the teams.”
And now she had to work with the Athena cabin? The Gods know after the Ares and Athena cabins have captained opposing teams for years, Chiron pretends there’s not, but everyone knows there’s a deep rivalry. More than just friendly competition.
“The Demeter cabin will be on the red team.”
“Okay,” you say, squeezing her shoulders. You aren’t really close with anyone from the Demeter cabin, it doesn’t really bother you much.
“And… the Aphrodite cabin will be on the blue team.”
“Oh.”
You’ve never not been on Clarisse’s team for capture the flag. Not only does the entire red team’s tactic rest on you using your charmspeak to protect the flag, but what the hell are you supposed to do fighting against Clarisse?
She wraps her arms around your waist, flopping back onto her bed and bringing you down on top of her.
“I know it’s all Annabeth and Luke behind this. I’m sure that little smartass has made up some sick plan to make me go insane.”
You scoff, planting your hands behind her head on the bed. “You’re the one who can actually fight. I’m, like, so bad it’s not even funny, Clar.”
“You beat me all the time,” she frowns.
And it’s true, you spar with her at least 3 or 4 times a week, and you win most of the those times. But Clarisse moves slower, she doesn’t hit as hard, she anticipates your next move and doesn’t block it so you can land a hit.
“We both know you let me win.”
“I like seeing you smile,” she says, her own matching smile on her face.
“Okay, you big romantic.” You let your hands slip, laying your head against her chest and your arms flat around her head. “It’s not that big of a deal, Clar. I’m sure it’ll be fine, then Chiron’ll probably switch them back.”
“Annabeth convinced him to do it. She has some sort of plan, Y/N, she does.”
“You’ve mentioned,” you hum. “Stop stressing. Nothing we can do about it.”
“Fine,” she hisses.
She wraps her arms around your waist and throws you to the side so you yelp, now she’s climbing on top of you, laying her head on your chest.
“It’s going to be the worst game of capture the flag in history, you know. I hope you’re happy, I don’t even know what I’m gonna do without you. I mean, I guess I could move that group in the west side to just south of the flag, so that’ll be a bit more for them to get through. Oh, I’ll stick that one good archer on the ground- no, no that wouldn’t work, I need him in the trees. But I’ll move his position-”
—-
You walk to the woods together. When it’s time to split up, Clarisse grabs you by your armor and points her finger into your chest.
“Clar, what the hell are you doing-”
“Don’t do anything I would do.”
“Okay, Clarisse,” you smile, blinking once to avoid rolling your eyes at her ridiculousness.
She smirks, her arm squeezing your waist. She pecks you on the lips before pulling away completely.
“Done making out?” Jackie asks, her and Tyla suddenly appearing next to you.
“It was one kiss, Jacks. Are you sure we have the same Mom?”
“No, honestly.”
You fall into step with the two of them, laughing as you make your way through the woods and to the edge of the river.
Chiron makes his usual speech, the conch sounds, and everyone starts moving around.
Annabeth finds the three of you soon after. Tyla and Jackie fall away, following your other siblings. Annabeth always has this calculating look on her face, like she knows something you don’t, a true child of Athena. You have to admit, she really is one of the smartest people you know.
“Annabeth,” you smile. “I guess you want me by the flag?”
“No, I debated that, but I decided against it.”
She smirks and looks at you before spinning around, pointing to Luke and his team members who are always in charge of getting the flag.
“You’ll be with Luke.”
You frown. “You do realize I have absolutely no skill in battle, right, Annabeth?”
“Yeah, but skill doesn’t matter when you have power. Power over someone.”
“Oh, okay. Who do you want me to charmspeak-”
“Charmspeak whoever you come across, but that’s not what I’m talking about. You have power over Clarisse. I know she’s defending the flag today, right?”
She looks at you sharply.
You smile. “Oh, I really don’t know. But if you say so, sure.”
She starts walking, you follow her.
“Clarisse doesn’t talk strategy to you? I mean, I talk Luke’s ear off.”
“Oh, no, she does, I just don’t really retain any of it.”
She huffs a small sound of laughter.
“I know she’ll be there,” she affirms.
“If you say so!” you say, all sing song, Luke smiling as he meets your eyes.
“Y/N! How’s it feel to finally be on the winning team?”
“I love being on the red team, thanks for asking.”
“Ha. You’re so funny, are you sure you’re not a child of Apollo?”
“Too beautiful,” you glide your hands down your face. “I get it from my godly mother.”
“Luke, do you know what you’re doing?” Annabeth asks.
“Yes ma’am.”
She smiles and walks away, talking to more people while you can faintly hear Clarisse shouting at people. With the change in tactic, you know she’s been slightly stressed, but she won’t allow herself to feel anything other than confidence, outwardly.
She still walks tall. She still grips her spear in her hand a little to tight. She’s a bit too greedy with the things that are hers, she grabs on a bit too tight, but you know it’s just because she’s scared. You like it.
If this were a regular game, you would probably be walking next to Clarisse right now, or kissing her goodbye while you follow Matty and everyone else to go protect the flag.
When you and Clarisse first started dating, she was slow to be so affectionate, but the more of her walls you started breaking down the more you found a complicated teenage girl who felt unloved, and had a lot of love to give too.
The more confident she became in your private relationship, the more she wanted everyone to know. It was her fatal flaw, pride, hubris. She wanted everyone to know she was yours and your were hers. She wanted everyone to be jealous.
“I’m so glad we don’t have to wear those horrible earplugs today. They always make me worried. Someone could be shouting a few feet away and none of us would hear.”
“Stop gloating, Luke.”
“I’m just expressing my gratitude, Y/N, is that not allowed?”
“I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“Oh, oh, I know. You’re sad, aren’t you?”
“Sad?” you snort.
“Yeah, sad. Sad you aren’t with Clarisse. You’re devastated, destroyed, wrecked.”
You put your hand on your sword. “Who are you… and what have you done with Luke Castellan? Luke doesn’t know that many words…”
He hits your shoulder. “Shut up, Y/N.”
—-
You’re walking through the woods.
Not sneaking around in stealth, not running, but walking.
You’ve come across a few of your former team members, but one of the blue team just tackles them and you tell them to turn around and count to 5,000.
For some reason, it’s worse than sitting by the rock, waiting for someone to make a play for the flag. At least at the rock you’re surrounded by all these people you know. You and Matty are usually talking, Marjorie sometimes joins, and you all have fun bullying Corey for that one time he didn’t see the blue team coming.
Luke’s voice drops to a whisper.
“Here’s your job. You can either, one, go make out with Clarisse in a corner, which shouldn’t be too hard-”
“Luke,” you hit his shoulder. He hisses.
“I’m joking, joking. Just keep her distracted, fight her, maybe pull your shirt down a bit? Oh, or I can just cut it so it’s a bit more revealing-”
“Luke, shut up or else I will make you.”
“It’s not a bad idea-”
“Luke!”
“Sh, sh,” he whispers. “Don’t be so loud, we’re almost to the flag. We’re going for stealth, okay?”
“Oh, really, I didn’t notice,” you deadpan. He looks around.
“Blue team, stealth mode, alright?”
Everyone nods. You roll your eyes. You miss the red team.
—-
After Luke gives you the ok, meaning the blue team has successfully surrounded the red team and the clearing, you take a step forward.
Annabeth was right. Clarisse is there.
It’s fitting. If you can’t be there, she would.
You look up at Corey, but he hasn’t noticed any of you yet. You frown, thinking about how he’s probably going to get beat up.
“Clarisse!” you shout. You watch everyone jump into defensive positions. She can’t see you yet, but she stares in the direction of your voice, her eyes squinting, smiling softly.
“Luke?” she shouts. “That you?”
You frown.
“What the hell?” you say, stepping forward. “You don’t recognize my voice? I thought that was really smart. Like, a cool way to reveal myself, I don’t know.”
You come into the clearing, sword by your side.
Clarisse’s smile drops.
“I-I- no, baby, I just wasn’t expecting Annabeth to send you here-”
“Do I really sound like Luke?”
“No,” she says, immediately. “You sound like an angel.
Matty laughs. Clarisse stabs his foot with the end of her spear. She smiles at you.
“Is Luke here though?” Marjorie asks, subtly trying to look through the trees.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, you do,” Matty snorts.
“You’re going to tell me though right, baby?” Clar smiles, stepping closer until she’s right in front of you.
“Obviously not, you didn’t recognize me. I’m, like, really hurt by that Clarisse-”
“Gods, Clarisse,” Matty shouts at the sky, laughing. You didn’t recognize her, and now we’re all fucked!”
“Shut the fuck up, Matty,” she says over her shoulder. She looks at you, smiling again, her hand reaching out to touch your face. “I’ll let you do that thing you’ve always wanted to do.”
You smile, your voice dropping to a whisper. “You’ll let me give you a makeover? Really?”
“Yes.” Her teeth grit, but she keeps smiling, her thumb rubbing your cheek.
“Hm, I don’t know,” you mutter, your eyes fixing on her spear when you suddenly reach forward, grabbing it from her hands and turning to run away.
The blue team emerges from the woods with war cries, swords start clashing, and it all happens so fast.
The plan was for you to grab her spear, make her chase you around the woods, and hopefully the blue team would be able to overpower the red team without her.
Instead, Clarisse kicks out her foot, tripping you. Then, she catches you and the spear in what you swear has to be a milisecond.
“Clarisse!” you shout, genuinely offended. She beat you so easily. It wasn’t even a fight. You didn’t even get the chance to run.
“Sorry, baby, it’s capture the flag!”
You about to start kicking like a wild animal when she suddenly lets you go. Luke is there, fighting her while you pick your sword up from the ground that fell in the commotion.
One of your team members dropped their helmet and you pick that up too.
You’re not that bad of a fighter, Clarisse just knows everything about you, you tell yourself. But your pride is slightly wounded and you want to prove to her, yourself, and everyone that you’re not just a weak Aphrodite kid or some poor thing that hangs off Clar’s arm.
You can hold your own.
You stick the helmet on and step into the fight. Someone groans and a sword comes wishing through the air, but you block it.
They swing again.
You block it.
You picked up things from Clarisse, and, besides, you weren’t just sparring for fun. She actually teaches you, better than the actual sword practice teacher if your biased opinion is to be trusted.
But you probably just feel that way because she rewards you with kisses.
It seems like you’re actually winning for a second, about to disarm him, when he seems to get fed up with fighting you and suddenly arcs hard over your head, making you lose your footing and letting him kick you.
You land on your back, groaning and trying to catch your breath.
“That was such a bitchy move,” you mumble. He leans over you, about to kick the sword out of your hand-
“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Samuel.”
She holds her spear right under his throat, and he finally seems to look at your face instead of just your blue helmet.
“Shit. Sorry. Sorry, Clarisse, I’m sorry.”
She looks like she’s about to kill him but she just pushes him away.
“I was winning,” you groan. “But then he kicked me.”
She kicks him as he walks away.
You expect her to tug you up and start lecturing you but instead she leans down and throws you over her shoulder.
“Wha- Clarisse!”
“That’s enough for you today,” she says, patting the back of your thigh.
“Clarisse, I swear to Hades, let me down!”
“One second,” she mumbles.
When she places you down on the ground again, you’re leaning against a tree. She grabs your hand, frowning at something.
It’s the smallest cut, barely there, but Clarisse of course acts like it’s the end of the world.
“Does it hurt?”
Your eyes fix on Luke behind her, stalking slowly towards her turned back.
“No, Clar, it’s fine. Now I-”
“I think you should go the nurse.”
Your mouth drops open. “Clarisse, it’s a paper cut!”
“And if it gets infected? Go away, Luke, I can hear you.”
He locks eyes with you but ultimately turns around with a very scared and annoyed look on his face.
“Now do you see why I was all messed up? I knew this was going to happen. You were gonna get hurt, and it was going to be my fault.”
You roll your eyes. “It’s not your fault, Clarisse-”
“But isn’t it? You would have been at the flag if Annabeth hadn’t known how much you mean to me. Instead, you were here. Instead, you were rushing off to go fight someone-”
“I’m not a damsel in distress, Clar!”
She presses her lips together.
“I can fight too. Not as good as you, but I can. I-I don’t want to be weak, I don’t want to rely on you for everything, it’s- it’s embarrassing.”
You didn’t even know you were feeling this way until you felt it. But it’s always been there, you guess. You always watch Clarisse spar and know she could never do anything like that with you. And you thought you were fine with it, and you are fine with having things that you like and things that she likes- but you don’t want to be so useless anymore.
She’s silent for a second.
“I- I get that. I do. But I just don’t know how to tell you I… I love you without showing it. I’m not good at saying it, you know that.”
“Clarisse,” you frown.
She puts her hands on your face.
“You are… the most precious thing in the world to me, Y/N. I really hope you know that.”
You wrap your arms around her neck, you can feel her heart thump from the fight.
“I know that, Clarisse. Of course I know that. You show me every day, I just- I just want to feel like my own person.”
She grips you tighter. “If it’ll make you happy, I’ll teach you to fight. But you have to do it how I say, and you can’t go off and do this-”
You pull back so you can make sure this is real.
“Really?” you smile.
“You have to listen to me, Y/N, and do it slowly, okay-”
“Yes, yes, yes, okay, yes,” you breathe, planting your hands on your face before kissing her. It’s slow, it’s sweet, it’s exactly what you think of when you think of her. You think of the side that’s yours, the side that only you can see.
You break it, leaning down to pick up her spear.
The red team is losing the fight behind you.
“Ok, go win capture the flag. And I’ll stay here. My hand does kinda hurt,” you mumble.
She smiles and kisses your cheek. “Not just a paper cut, huh?”
“Can I still give you a makeover?” you ask as she turns away.
“Maybe!”
—-
y/n: what why did you not recognize me ☹️☹️
clarisse, genuinely terrified: i have no idea what the hell you are talking about please please please don’t take away kissing privileges please please please
—-
taglist:
@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008
(pls ignore it’s for the acc aesthetics thank you!!)
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