disneydisneyanddisney

[synthyk]

Booktok women being Straight People Horny for feyd-rautha was not something I expected or even considered possible but through denis villeneuve i suppose all things are possible

[fightxxmexxshiggy]

Don't fear the reaper

You love to go urban exploring and you make contact with a sexy supernatural being. I wrote this during KINKtober

Kirishima x female reader

TW:CHOKING, ROUGH SEX, BREEDING KINK, TALK OF DEATH.

Word count: 3420

Walking through abandoned buildings wasn't the safest hobby but it was definitely the most interesting one. You loved seeing all the graffiti, art and equipment from a bygone era. Sometimes you went with groups when the buildings seemed more dangerous but today you went alone. As you made your way through the abandoned factory for today's exploration you noticed all the dusty work stations, they were so eerie the way they were still set up like a worker had walked away for a break and just never returned. You were honestly tempted to film the place but seeing as you were doing this on a saturday and Halloween no less you decided not to push your luck. Walking carefully you avoided the broken glass and some more crumbling areas in the concrete floors. This space was so wide open it made you curious as to what had been made here in the factories prime.

 

As you headed towards the stairs that would take you to the second floor you heard a thump and a voice shout "fucking rats." From above you. Slowly you took the stairs one at a time and called out asking if anyone was there. After a bit of shuffling the voice spoke again." If you're a cop no one is here if you're an urban explorer I'm totally here and would love some company." Laughing you stepped onto the second floor landing coming face to face with a redheaded man with surprisingly sharp teeth. Smiling at you he came forward with a hand out for a handshake. Shaking his hand you noticed how large his hands were and how strong his grip was. Letting go you introduced yourself feeling a bit awkward now that you could see the face that went along with the voice. With a wide smile he crossed his arms over his toned chest, pulling his shirt taunt over the muscles. You really needed to get layed if a rando you just met on an exploring trip was getting you hot and bothered. You were so caught up in your own thoughts you almost didn't hear him introduce himself.

 

"The names Eijiro Kirishima and it's nice to meet a fellow explorer." You smiled at him before looking away to take in your new surroundings. The second floor was a bit dark and seemed even more dusty than the first if that was possible. Walking further into the area you saw a wooden plank laying in the middle of the mostly clear walkway. As you looked at it Kirishima chuckled and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. "That plank was my fault. I was walking further in to explore some more and a rat jumped out at me." Laughing you told him you had heard his comments on the rat earlier from downstairs. It was quite interesting to see such a large man blush like a child at being caught cursing. Quickly Kirishima bent down and picked up the plank to place it back against the wall.

 

Damn the man had an amazing ass and those arms were so cut you were definitely sure your pussy had just clenched a little. This was bad, this poor man was just being friendly and here you were imagining what it would be like to have his forearm around your throat while he did dirty things to your body. Clearing your throat you asked if he'd like to join for the rest of the second floor exploration. "I'd love that pebble. I usually wander around alone but I'd never say no to having company as cute as you." Blushing you looked away as you started to walk with him going deeper into the dusty space. To your left there were tons of planks and glass panes leaning against the wall and to the right were mostly boxes stacked against the railings. You assumed this must have been office space for the owners and admins of the factory. As you walked a little ahead trying to see what was by the farthest walls you heard the floorboards groaning under your weight before they completely went out from under you.

 

You were lucky and grabbed a part of the floor that hadn't caved in as you fell. You yelled for help and saw Kirishima walk closer to where you were hanging. His face looked conflicted as he made no move to help or even to give you any reassurance. You realized he wasn't scared to fall in but you couldn't tell why he wouldn't help. Sighing defeatedly Kirishima walked over without an ounce of fear and crouched down to make eye contact with you. "I don't know what to do with you pebble, my job is to guide your soul to the afterlife but I really like you. You're so sweet and shy, much too good to be restarted just because the plan says so." What was he talking about? His job was to guide your soul? Why was he talking like he knew you? You just met him 30 minutes ago. Had you just become friends with a nut job who planned to watch you die?

 

"Ah I can see that you're confused, I mean I would be too." standing up to his full high he towered over you as you continued to stare up at him with a mix of confusion and fear. He placed back and forth for a moment before turning to you and smiling that big sharp toothed grin that moments before would have made your tummy do a little flip. If hanging half out of a hole in an abandoned building wasn't enough what happened next shocked you so much you almost lost your grip. Kirishima slowly began to lift off from the floor just floating in mid air. With wide eyes you stared in shock, wondering if maybe you had gone a little crazy while hoping he might help you so that you didn't fall to your death. "Well I know what I'm about to tell you is a bit unbelievable so I decided to show you that I'm not joking before I explain. I happen to be a reaper and today was supposed to be the day you die. But like I said I really don't know what to do with you seeing as I don't want someone as manly and fearless as you to just be gone and reincarnated as someone else."

 

As if to further prove his status as a reaper the man before you started to change. His hoodie and shorts, which were pretty standard for building walks, melted away into a pair of black military style pants and boots along with a fitted black tank top that hugged his chest and back muscles in a way that should definitely be illegal. His arms were covered in a few black band tattoos that circled his wrists and biceps. What was the most astonishing was that his spiky red hair grew long, long to the point that the ends floated around his hips. His still smiling face was covered with a half skull mask leaving his mouth still exposed. "Hey pebble do you want to live as who you are now even if that meant some things about you would change or do you want to die and have me guide you to the next realm? I'll do whatever makes you happier even if it's not what I'd like to see." His eyes shone with sincerity through his mask and his smile seemed a bit forced. You could tell that even though he wasn't human like you he still felt the same emotions that you did. From everything he had said and shown you you could tell he held affection towards you. Enough so that he was willing to go against what was probably as natural as breathing for a reaper. Looking up at him still floating above you a smile broke over your face. You told him you wanted to stay as yourself whatever the changes might be.

 

Kirishima grinned at you somehow managing to look sweet and scary all at once. Wasting no time he floated over you and grabbed you by the back of your shirt with one hand. Instead of pulling you back to the second level he drifted the two of you through the hole and down to the concrete floors below. Letting go of the back of your shirt he held out his hand to you still trying to give you some control over the situation. As you took his hand he gave it a grateful squeeze before moving to sit with you on a dust covered bench. "Listen pebble I want to be honest with you. The only way for you to stay yourself is if you became my anchor. An anchor is kind of like a reaper's chosen soulmate and we only get a chance to have one every 1000 years of service." This day was getting stranger and stranger by the fucking minute. You could live but you would need to become this man's soulmate, basically his wife. Looking at him again you could say you wouldn't enjoy the physical parts of such a relationship. Honestly Kirishima had no business being this sexy. Well if this kind of thing was gonna happen to you Halloween was no better day for it to happen on. Squeezing his hand you agreed even though you knew he had more to explain.

 

"If you're sure then I'll take us to my home so that we can link our souls without turning into dust bunnies." The world around you faded out and changed into a huge bedroom that was painted black and red with posters of an old superhero movie lining them. There was workout equipment everywhere you looked, well that at least told you that his muscles were all from hard work and not just random spooky reaper magic. With no small bit of embarrassment you sat on his bed and rubbed your fingers across the covers looking anywhere but him. Taking you straight into his bedroom instead of a living room or something told you exactly what you had been guessing at. Linking souls was definitely going to require sexual contact. "Pebble look at me." Looking up you took him in once again almost drooling over his now shirtless chest as he loosened his belt giving you a tantalizing look at his black happy trail. He walked up to you and held your cheeks in his hands. He searched your eyes for a few moments and when he saw no fear or rejection lowered his head to give you a kiss. This kiss was slow and gentle but full of so much heat you were sure every nerve in your body was on fire. Kirishima's tongue licked across yours as he savored the taste of his soon to be anchor. Not wanting to just sit there and take it you put your all into the kiss licking his teeth, nibbling on his lips, and even sucking on his tongue the same way you wished to suck on another part of his body. Kirishima broke the kiss panting heavily as he let his hands caress down your neck until they reached the collar of the t-shirt you wore. With barely a flick of his fingers your shirt was torn down the middle, your bra sharing its fate. He pushed the shredded material down your shoulders letting it fall to the bed.

 

"I'm going to be as gentle as I can for you pebble but I have very limited control over myself at the moment. Your so fucking beautiful I swear my supervisor gave me your case cause he knew I'd fall for you." Crawling over you he straddled your waist and began to kiss and bite down your neck stopping only when he reached your breast. Pushing both your breasts together he kissed every inch of them worshiping the heavy mounds. With no warning he sucked both of your nipples into his mouth, bathing them with his tongue before biting them. After every bite he flicked his tongue against the hardened peaks earned himself little whines and moans of appreciation. Once he felt that he could no longer hold himself in check with just adoring your nipples, Kirishima slid down off the bed to crouch in front of you for the second time that day. Slipping his fingers under the waistband of your panties and shorts he tugged them down and over your boots leaving you in only your favorite necklace and your socks and boots. His blood was fire in his veins as he took in the sight of you. Your pussy was so beautifully slick with your juices that it would have been blasphemous for him not to take a taste. Grabbing your thighs he used them to pull your ass to the edge of the bed where he drove in with no hesitation. Licking and sucking the lips of your pussy before using his tongue to separate them. Each swipe of his tongue drove you higher and closer to orgasm. He suckled your clit grazing it with those sharp teeth. The hint of danger from having such vicious looking teeth on something so sensitive threw you over the edge. The pleasure made you so mindlessly happy that you screamed out "eijiro." Like it was a prayer.

 

At the sound of his first name on your lips all rational thought was lost to kiri. He stood shoving his pants down just enough to free his throbbing cock before he pulled you so only your shoulders and head remained on the bed. With you folded over the way he wanted Kiri slammed his cock into your tight little hole. He was only able to fit about half of his massive girth inside before he had to pull back out leaving only the head inside. This move was the best he could do to get the right momentum to start his powerful digging thrusts. Each thrust was hard and determined, meant to help him reach his goal. And reach his goal is what he did, Kiri bottomed out inside of you after 5 thrusts. His cock head kissed your cervix on the last thrust pulling a choked sob from your throat. Being folded into such a position only made the stretching of your pussy feel that much more overwhelming. Kiri set up a hard measured pace,his only focus on getting his seed into your womb to link the two of you together. Grunting and growling he told you everything he planned. "Fuck pebble your so damn tight and wet. I need to get my cum inside your womb otherwise I might go insane. No one told me linking to your anchor would make me feel like this. I wanna destroy anyone who would ever think to take you from me." You whined desperately every time his cock head battered against the entrance to your womb. It was too much and not enough at the same time. Reaching up you tried to rub your clit only for kiri to grab your wrist and hold it in a firm grip. He was almost passed the point of words but managed a beastly sounding "not without me." Before he increased his pace and shifted his hips making sure every thrust hammered your gspot. Kiri leaning over you to rail your little hole was already a sight to see but the way his hair hung down and tickled against your skin made every nerve ending you had buzz with electricity. A few strands had started to cling to his face due to the sweat pouring off of him and you had to swallow to keep from drooling. This man was made for it seemed, he was everything you had ever fantasized about on those lonely treks through the newest abandoned explore. The sounds of your sex echoed through the room, wet sucking noises, the slap of skin on skin and the sounds only two people in a haze pleasure could make. As he got closer kiri started to slap three fingers on his free hand against your clit. The rhythm of the slaps matched his cocks thrusts so perfectly it caused your pussy to let out a constant stream of squirt. At his final thrust he locked his knees prepared for what was to come. Kiri's cum shot from his slit hosing against your cervix as the base of his cock swelled locking inside you. His cum was so hot and he hadn't stopped tapping your clit. All this combined with the swelling of his cock threw you over the edge, an orgasm ripping through your body so hard your eyes rolled back in your head. Once you had gone limp kiri pulled you up into his arms before turning and sitting on the bed, still locked inside you.

 

"You are my anchor now the other part of me that will light my way even in the darkest hour." Laying down kiri relaxed, one large hand stroking your back as your breathing began to even out. Just as you were about to drift off you felt shocks and tingling race up and down your arms. Leaning up you looked down at your arms and found you had developed the same tattoos that kiri had on his arms. When you questioned him on it he smiled happily before caressing each mark. "These are proof that our link is true and blessed by the fate in charge of reaper unions." Your heart did a little flip as you took in his love filled expression. By now Kiri's knot had gone down so you pulled yourself up and off of his semi hard cock. He protested wishing to sleep buried inside you but quieted down when you spun around and put your pussy over his face. Leaning down you took his cock in hand and began to lick all the cum and pussy juice from it. Following your lead kiri pulled your hips down and swiped his tongue through the combination of your fluids and his. Once you had his cock cleaned you started to tease him, digging your tongue into his slit. His hips bucked and his leisurely pace on your pussy became wild as he slurped and sucked away. Feeling mischievous you continued you playing with his slit but began to rub that sensitive spot just under the head of his cock.

 

That is where you went wrong or in this case very right. Kiri's switch was flipped as he lifted you clear in the air by your hips. He threw you into the middle of the room but instead of hitting the floor you stayed suspended in the air. He was using his powers on you! With his magic kiri floated you to sit on his cock no other part of him touching you but the cock pressed at your entrance. "Pretty pebble do your bolder a favor and count for me. I want to see just how much of me is claiming this pussy." You couldn't deny him since keeping silent only made him tease you gently with his tip. Frustrated and wet you began to count each inch. At six you really started to feel the stretching of your inner muscles on this heavy cock. At nine inches you had a little drool running down the corner of your mouth. At twelve inches your pussy was continuously dribbling squirt down Kiri's cock and balls. At fourteen you came whining his name, begging him to fuck you properly and end this delicious torture. All he did was laugh and slowly thrust inside of you keeping you well pleasured but unsatisfied. "It's ok pebble we have all the time in the world now. We're going to take this slow all night long." His last words were said on a beastly growl as he placed one hand on your throat and squeezed enough to make your pussy squeeze his cock in return. This whole Halloween had been nuts so an all night fuck fest with your new supernatural soulmate was just the cherry on top. Sobbing you reached back and grabbed hold of a lock of his hair looking for any part of him to touch that could ground you. His thrusts got harder as you pulled. Well you knew how to get him to fuck you harder. You couldn't wait to learn more tonight and for the rest of your eternity together.

[nerdzzone]

Light After Dark: Chapter Six

Summary: Brooke Harris was trying her best to be grateful. As the world tackled the COVID-19 pandemic, she was healthy and safe and so was the rest of her family, but her dreams had very quickly been crushed by the economic fallout. Trapped on the quaint island of Jersey with nothing, but free time to wallow in her mistakes, Brooke’s mental health was taking a hit, but when she collides with a handsome stranger she starts to realize that the future might not be so bleak and there might still be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC

Content warning: Mention of overdose and past death of a close friend. It’s not too detailed, but I wanted to give people a heads up just in case.

________

May. 12. 2020 

Henry: I have a proposition for you

Me: That makes me slightly nervous

Me: What is it?

Henry: Would you like to go on a hike?

Henry: We can keep our distance and I've heard it's harder to spread/catch if you're outside

Henry: I completely understand if you're not comfortable though

I thought about it for a moment. As long as there wasn't too many people out on the trails then it should be pretty low risk as long as we kept our distance and I hadn't been out of the house at all since taking the cake over to Henry's house for his birthday. So, after my brief deliberation, I accepted his invitation.

Henry: Great, meet me at my house in twenty?

Me: Sounds good!

I quickly dragged myself off the couch, threw all the necessities into a bum bag, grabbed a sweater from my closet and shouted goodbye to my family with a brief explanation of where I was headed. They shouted a few questions back, but I rushed out the door without giving them a chance to get too nosy.

Me: On my way!

I sent to Henry when I was about halfway there before adding another message

Me: All masked up and ready to go

Me:

 As I turned onto Henry's street, he was standing outside his house, looking down at his phone as Kal sniffed the sidewalk around him.

"I like your sweater," Henry smirked as I got within a reasonable distance.

"Thanks," I smiled. "I thought it might scare any bears we might run into. You know, they might get confused and think I'm one of them."

Henry laughed and shook his head.

"There's no bears in Jersey that aren't locked up in a zoo," He informed me. "There's absolutely no dangerous wildlife around here."

"That's reassuring," I smirked. "But it's better to be safe than sorry."

"Fair enough," Henry chuckled before pausing. "Would you feel more comfortable if I wore a mask as well?"

I appreciated his offer, but shrugged.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," I assured him. "I know you've been staying pretty isolated and I'll probably take it off once we're off the main roads, but it just gives me peace of mind if we run into anyone along the way."

"Alright," He smiled. "Shall we head off then?"

I nodded and we started off down the street, Henry whistling for Kal to follow. He did so obediently, nudging his nose against my hand before walking a few paces ahead of us.

"I'm glad Kal gets to come," I commented. "But aren't you worried he might dart off after any little critter he sees?"

"Not really," Henry shrugged, respectfully staying on the edge of the road, just off the sidewalk as I walked along the opposite side. "I've got him quite well-trained. He might get distracted, but as soon as I call him he'll come back."

"What a good boy!"

Kal's tail wagged at that, but he was too busy sniffing around some bushes to pay much attention to us.

"He is," Henry nodded. "He's been an amazing asset. He comes with me every where I go and I can't imagine getting through this whole acting experience without him."

"That's really sweet," I smiled. "I always wanted a dog, but it's such a big commitment. I wouldn't want to get one and then be too busy to give it the kind of life it deserves."

"It is a massive commitment," He agreed. "I'm very lucky that I'm able to bring Kal on almost all of my travels and that when I'm on set there's always someone happy to keep him company."

"Well who wouldn't want to keep him company? He's gorgeous."

I held back a remark about dogs looking like their owners as Henry grinned proudly and we fell into a comfortable silence.

****

It was only about a ten minute walk before we turned off the main road and onto a more secluded path. The sun was starting to get stronger as it was almost mid-afternoon so I slipped my mask down to my neck so that I wouldn't get too hot, but could cover up quickly if we passed anyone on the trails. Somewhere along the way we'd fallen into asking each other random questions and, while most of it was silly, some of it was proving to be rather informative.

"That's so boring," I wrinkled my nose when he told me that his favourite fruit was an apple. "Considering how much of a world traveller you are I would have expected something much more exotic."

Henry chuckled at that as he did every time I criticized one of his answers.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Maybe a papaya or a dragon fruit," I theorized. "Anything more exciting than a boring old apple."

"I don't think I've even tried either of those," He admitted. "Now, speaking of travelling, what's one place that you've not been to, but would love visit one day?"

I thought about it for a moment before answering.

"There's quite a few really, I haven't travelled nearly as much as I would have liked," I confessed. "But if I had to choose somewhere to go first, I think I'd choose Canada. Australia is a close second, but I'm terrified of spiders and I hear there's a lot there. So Canada, the part where the mountains and lakes are."

"My brother lives there," Henry's face lit up. "My younger brother, Charlie. He lives in Calgary which, from my understanding, is quite close to the mountains and lakes."

"That's so cool," I smiled, my words dripping with envy. "Have you been to visit him?"

"No," He sighed. "Usually he's the one to come here. He was back briefly before the lockdown actually, but he left to be with his family just before I came back to Jersey so we didn't see each other."

He looked sad as he spoke and I felt a pang of sympathy in my chest.

"That must be hard," I said softly. "Especially not knowing when international travel will be back up and running."

"It's tough," He nodded. "I'm used to only seeing him once or twice a year, but it's definitely worse not knowing how long it will be until we can all be together again. He's safe though and so is his family and that's what matters the most these days, isn't it?"

I nodded in agreement before a smile slid onto my face.

"And now, you can tell your brother that you'll be visiting as soon as you're allowed to because I fully intend to take advantage of this connection and make you take me there."

"Make me?" Henry laughed. "And how do you intend to do that?"

"I can be very persuasive," I smirked with a suggestive lift of an eyebrow before turning my attention back to the path before he could react. "So, if you weren't an actor, what would be doing?"

"I'd probably be in the military," He answered without having to think about it too much. "A couple of my brothers are and I'm quite disciplined so it seems like a good fit."

"More dangerous though..."

"Well, I do my own stunts so sometimes acting gets dangerous," Henry pointed out. "I did spend a lot of time hanging out of a helicopter for Mission Impossible."

"Yeah, but there's a whole team of people responsible for making sure that you don't die, right?"

"Of course and the stunt teams are amazing," He smirked. "But that doesn't mean there isn't any risk, accidents do happen."

I grimaced slightly, knowing that he was probably right.

"You should switch to baking," I suggested. "Definitely a lot safer."

Henry laughed, shaking his head.

"Alright, well, my next question is: have you ever had any bad baking mishaps?" He asked. "It might not compare to action stunts, but I'd imagine there's the potential for some nasty injuries."

"There is, but luckily I've always been pretty careful. A few minor burns and the odd slice of a knife, but nothing too serious. I have seen some pretty nasty stuff over the years though. Like once..." I paused for a second. "Wait, do you want to hear this? It's pretty bad."

"Yeah, go on," Henry nodded. "I think I can handle it."

"Okay, so, one of the bakeries I worked in for a while made a lot of things like doughnuts and churros so we had a deep fryer." My skin started to crawl just thinking of the memory and from the look on Henry's face he seemed to regret agreeing to hear about it, but I continued. "One day, my co-worker was cleaning the counter next to it, scrubbing really hard on a super sticky spot and her hand slipped and shot right into the boiling hot oil.”

"Oh my god," Henry squeezed his eyes shut, his fist clenching as if he was experiencing the pain himself. "That's horrible. Were you there? Was she okay?"

"I was," I nodded. "It was like it happened in slow motion and she didn't even scream, I guess from the shock, but I was hysterical. I kept expecting her skin to just slide off any minute like you see in the movies, but thank goodness it wasn't quite that bad."

"I think I'm going to have nightmares just hearing that story," Henry cringed. "Has it scared you off ever going near a deep fryer again?"

"I haven't had to use them much since that job actually, but it definitely made me very cautious," I admitted with a wrinkle of my nose. "What about you? Any nasty injuries on set?"

"No, I've been lucky as well. The stunt teams are all very good at their jobs so other than a few near misses with a sword here and there, I've never been in any real danger."

"Do you actually use real swords?"

"For the most part," Henry nodded. "For the Blaviken fight scene in the Witcher we used swords that were cut in half and then CGI edited in afterwards because we did it all in one take and there were a lot of moving parts that made it more dangerous."

"You filmed it all in one take?"

We were on a fairly steep incline and I was feeling the effect. My words struggled to come out as I fought to catch my breath and I was happy to give Henry some more time to talk before I had to answer any more questions.

"We did," He smiled proudly. "For the flow of the scene, it just made the most sense, but it was difficult. The cameramen couldn't see where they were going at all, they just had to use their memory with someone guiding them from behind so everyone had to hit all the marks just right to make sure there were no collisions. And with it all being one take, if anyone made a mistake or the timing was off at all then we had to stop the whole thing and start from the beginning."

"Wow, that's...impressive."

Henry caught my slight gasp for breath and looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you need to rest for a moment?"

I nodded and we both stopped walking as I pulled my inhaler out of my bum bag. I took a quick puff followed by a few slow breaths until I had managed to steady my breathing.

"Sorry about that. My asthma has been playing up the last few days and that hill just took it out of me..."

I felt silly getting winded while he was so unfazed, but he waved me off.

"Don't apologize," He insisted. "We can take a break whenever you need. There's been a lot of hills and I didn't even think about your asthma so I'm sorry for that."

"No need to be sorry. I haven't left the house at all since I brought your cake over last week so it's good for me to exercise," I assured him as I started walking again, much to Kal's delight as he charged off ahead of us again. "Anyway, back to your sword fight. That must have taken so much practice!"

"It definitely did," Henry nodded. "Hours and hours of it. It's like training for a big dance number really, everyone has to hit their marks exactly right, but we pulled it off first try."

I couldn't help, but smile at the pride in his voice.

"That's amazing. It must have felt incredible when you finished and knew you'd nailed it."

"Absolutely," He grinned. "So, if your asthma gets in the way of certain exercises, how do you stay so in shape?"

I felt my cheeks heat up at the subtle compliment, but he was looking ahead and keeping an eye on Kal so luckily he didn't notice.

"I do yoga," I told him. "Not the most exciting, but it is a lot harder than it looks. I thought it would be easy, but the day after my first class I could barely move at all."

"I've heard that a lot about yoga," He chuckled. "Even from big body builder guys at the gym, they try yoga thinking they'll smash the class, but they end up coming out just as sweaty as when they lift weights."

I'd had to defend my love of yoga to many people over the years. As Henry pointed out, my options for keeping fit were quite hampered by my weak lungs so I didn't have loads of choices, but I did end up really enjoying yoga and seeing plenty of physical benefits from the classes. It was annoying to have to constantly insist that it was in fact a workout worth doing so it was refreshing that someone with Henry's gym experience understood right away.

"It's pretty tough," I smiled. "Even though I'm sure you'd find it easy. I imagine with those muscles you could probably lift a car over your head without any struggle."

Henry laughed at that, shaking his head.

"Not quite a car," Henry smirked. "But speaking of strength, are you a good climber?"

I raised an eyebrow at that question as I noticed him looking off to the side of the trail at a small rock wall that was about Henry's height.

"Why? What have you got planned?"

"There's an excellent view if we take a brief detour," He explained. "But you'd have to climb that little cliff."

I looked at it a bit more intently than I had before and it seemed easy enough. It wasn't all that high and the edge was rough enough that it wouldn't be too hard to get a grip on.

"I think I can do it," I shrugged. "But what about Kal?"

"I'll lift him up. He's much lighter than a car."

He shot me a wink and I actually, literally giggled like some kind of flirtatious fangirl. It slipped out before I could stop it and, despite Henry either not noticing my embarrassing behaviour or just politely ignoring it, my cheeks went bright red again.

He led the way over to the wall and whistled for Kal who bounded over happily. The big dog didn't even flinch when Henry scooped him up and plopped him down on the top of the little cliff and he sat down obediently when he was commanded to 'stay'.

"You go up first and I'll spot you," Henry instructed.

I nodded and went up to the wall. It was pretty easy to find a good spot to hold so I grabbed on and hoisted myself up. It wasn't that far to go so I only needed to get my feet a little bit higher before I could push up and get my hands on the ground at the top. I could feel the warmth of Henry's body hovering behind me and perhaps it was the distraction of realizing how close he was or just that my running shoes didn't have the right grip for this kind of activity, but as I got my hands on the top of the cliff, my foot slipped off the wall before I could push myself up properly. I didn't fall very far though as Henry's hand was right there, ready to catch me as it collided with my bum.

Both of us froze for a moment. The warmth of his hand felt like it was burning a hole through the yoga pants I was wearing and my brain instantly felt the need to focus on the fact that his massive hand covered almost the entirety of the cheek it was currently cupping. As the shock of the contact wore off, I quickly found my footing again and dragged myself up so I was sitting on the edge at the top.

"Two metres apart, Mr. Cavill!"

He was standing there with his hand still out where it had been, looking just as surprised as I was, but as I scolded him his shock quickly morphed into a smirk.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," He assured me as he grabbed onto the wall and pulled himself up with an ease that made my attempt look quite sad. "But I must say, that yoga is definitely working for you."

My jaw dropped at his comment, but after a moment I couldn't help but grin. Even if I didn't have muscles like Henry, I did put a lot of effort into my body and my bum had come a long way from the flat board that it used to be and I was proud of it.

"Thank you," I said as I pulled myself up to my feet. "But please, keep your hands off of my bum...At least while we're out in public."

Now it was Henry's turn to be shocked by my comment and my turn to smirk as I turned and headed off towards the little path we were next to with Henry and Kal hot on my heels.

****

The path we ended up on was another steep hill which Henry profusely apologized for once he realized, but I assured him I was fine. It was a beautiful trail and it wasn't long until we ended up in the clearing that he was steering us towards. As promised, the view was amazing and absolutely worth the trek.

"Wow," I gasped quietly, looking out over the ocean. "This is incredible."

"It's one of my favourite places on this whole island," Henry admitted. "I don't think many people know about it as it's not a main viewpoint, but Charlie and I used to run wild all over this place and we stumbled across it when I was only about twelve."

"What a great find," I complimented him, still in awe. "It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with me."

"Of course," He smiled. "You're practically a local now so you need to know all the best spots."

I laughed weakly at his description of me as a local even though it was probably true. I’d been here for months and wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

"Well, I can't think of anywhere that would beat this. Can we stay for a while?"

"Sure," He shrugged. "I don't have anywhere to be."

I smiled and went to the edge before sitting down and letting my legs dangle over. It wasn't a straight drop down, there was a big ledge sticking out only a few feet down so it was safe, but gave me a sense of freedom as I looked out at the wide open space in front of me. Henry whistled for Kal and gave him some water from his bottle before joining me, but keeping a respectful distance.

"So," Henry broke our comfortable silence a few minutes into our pit stop. "After all those questions, I realized I've never asked you what your bakery was called."

I felt my stomach drop at that question. He probably thought it was a pretty easy one, but my hands went all tingly and clammy and I was almost positive all the colour had drained from my face. I stayed silent for a moment as I thought it over. I could have lied and told him anything, really. He'd never know. But deep down I knew it wasn't a subject that I could avoid forever so I took a deep breath and answered.

"Lola's."

As I predicted, he gave me a confused look and pressed for answers.

"Lola's? Is that your middle name or something?"

Again, I was tempted to lie and pretended he'd guessed right, but if I wanted to continue our friendship, I had to be honest.

"No, it was the name of my best friend." My voice was quiet, but it didn't crack or waiver so that was an improvement. "She died last year."

I saw Henry turn to look at me out of the corner of my eye, clearly at a loss for words, but I kept my gaze off on the horizon.

"I'm very sorry to hear that," He said after a moment of quiet. "How did she die? If you don't mind me asking."

I didn't mind, but it was hard to talk about. I'd gone the route of burying my emotions rather than dealing with them when she passed so it was usually a topic I just steered clear of completely.

"She overdosed," I told him, still not looking over at him in an attempt to hide the tears that were brimming in my eyes. "She was always into partying, much more than I was, but she never really did drugs until she started dating this new guy. Suddenly she was talking about all the things she was trying and a few weeks later she was dead. Apparently he was a dealer and he'd tried cutting his supply with something dodgy so he could make more profit."

"That's horrible..." Henry's voice was soft and cautious and it made my eyes fill even more. "I'm so sorry, Brooke."

"Thanks," I choked out. "Sorry, this is super heavy. I don't mean to dump it all on you."

I wiped my eyes and tried to sort myself out a bit, but he shook his head.

"I'm happy to listen," He insisted. "How long were you friends?"

"Since we were three," I smiled. "We met in nursery school and were instant friends. Her name was Laura, but I called her Lola from the day that we met, I thought it suited her better."

"Wow, that's a long time."

"It was," I nodded. "She was like a sister to me. Cassie and I are really close, but Lola and I just clicked instantly. No one understood me like she did and she absolutely always had my back. She was the one who gave me the idea to open my own bakery. She'd been saying it for years so when she died, I knew I had to give it shot. You know, to honour her. It made closing down so much harder because I feel like I've let her down."

"I would be willing to bet a lot of money that that isn't the case at all," Henry smiled reassuringly. "I bet she's watching over you, proud that you gave it a good shot and completely relieved that you did what was best for your health."

I teared up again as he spoke, knowing deep down that he was right. Lola wouldn't be disappointed that I failed for reasons that were out of my control and if she was alive she would have dragged me to Jersey herself if it was the safest place for me to be. I hadn't voiced my guilt to anyone else though so no one had the chance to tell me I was being silly and hearing it made at least a tiny bit of my regret melt away.

"You're probably right," I agreed, wiping my eyes again as a few tears slipped down my cheeks. "Sorry, it's just hard to talk about and it's her birthday in a couple of weeks so it's even more of a sensitive subject."

"No need to be sorry," He assured me again. "It sounds like it's still quite fresh, but whenever you want to talk about it I'm more than happy to listen."

I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth, biting hard to try to fight back the floods of tears I could feel rising. It was very touching how kind he was being when plenty of people would have run for the hills as soon as they realized what a nerve they'd struck with such a simple question. I glanced over at him, trying to find the strength to thank him without a sob bursting free, when he tentatively held out his hand, placing it palm up in the dirt between us. A few more tears escaped at the gesture, but a smile slid onto my face as well as I reached out and placed my hand in his.

We stayed like that for a long time. Hand in hand, but almost two metres apart as we looked out over the ocean with Kal settled in the dirt between us. It was refreshing and calming as was almost every moment that Henry and I had shared. Eventually, we realized that it was getting quite late and we should head back before we ended up walking back in the dark, but the comfort I'd felt in that time with him lingered even as we headed home.

The somewhat somber mood that had fallen on us was soon forgotten and the laughter and fun returned as we continued asking questions and talked about everything from what we do if we could be invisible for a day to how much we both wanted a family and children of our own.

We ended up down by the beach just as the sun was setting and paused by the pier to watch it. It was a pretty breath taking sight and by the time I got home I was feeling giddy from the magical day that I'd had. Henry was shaping up to be pretty much everything I hadn't realized that I'd wanted. I'd been so busy in the last year, grieving the loss of my friend and then trying to start and run a business that dating hadn't even been on my mind, but now, after sharing so many heartwarming moments with someone who made me feel as warm inside as he did, it was something I couldn't help, but think about a lot.

I was in the middle of filling Cassie in on my day's adventures as I rather inelegantly shovelled some food into my mouth when my phone beeped on the table. I saw Henry's name pop up on the screen and my heart melted at what I saw when I opened the message.

Henry: 

Henry: I took this picture earlier and I can't get over how beautiful it is...

Henry: And by 'it' I mean you, the sunset pales in comparison

[stilloutofmyvulcanmind]

A Happy Little Christmas

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Characters: Jason Todd, Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Talk of cheating ex’s, mostly fluff. So much fluff.

Summary: Not many people could say they’re friends with the Red Hood, but you could, even if it came about in an unusual way. But after a shitty start to Christmas, you realize there may be more feelings going unspoken.

A/N: This idea popped into my head over the weekend, and wouldn’t leave until I wrote it down! My first Jason fic!

It started in the new year. You'd been sitting under the small alcove on the rooftop of your apartment building, drinking tea as you watched the snowfall and enjoying the peace when he'd sprung up and landed in front of you. You hadn't screamed, but your tea nearly spilled which earned him a telling off. He had just looked at you, though you swore you heard a chuckle, then took off at a sprint, leaping off the edge and out of sight. 

It happened again a few weeks later. Same scenario, though this time you kept a firmer grasp on the tea. That time he spoke, saying that most people ran away when he appeared. You had shrugged, asking if he wanted something to drink. There had been a moment of silence before he laughed like you'd told the funniest joke. Then he said no and disappeared into the night once again. 

It just kept happening. Sporadic at first. Sometimes he'd appear a few times a week, other times it would be near a month. Each time you offered him a drink. Each time he found the whole thing amusing and declined. 

Until the summer when he showed up out of breath, no doubt near-boiling under his outfit in the muggy Gotham night. You'd offered some of the iced tea, and to your surprise, he'd accepted. 

And that was how you became tea drinking pals with the damned Red Hood. 

Things became a bit more regular after that. No schedule but you nearly always saw him once a week. It was kinda weird. Being friends with the guy the majority of Gotham's underworld was terrified of. 

But with you, he was kind of a dork. 

Proven when he'd spent near two hours ranting about an awful Shakespeare adaptation he'd watched. The fact that you were able to rant with him seemed to just spur him on more. 

You looked forward to those nights. Even if it was barely an hour before he got called away. You didn't know his name, or what he looked like minus the domino mask, but you'd gleaned enough small details about him and given away enough about yourself to see him as a friend. 

Christmas Eve came and you hadn't seen him since the start of the month. He'd been away doing something important, he'd told you as much prior to his leaving, mostly so you didn't end up worrying over a sudden absence. He said he'd be back by Christmas, but honestly, you weren't really expecting to see him. 

You'd learned enough over the months to know that the rest of Gotham's vigilantes were about the only family he had, even if he did seem to be fighting the Bat just as often as he helped him. The history you didn't know, but you figured if he was going to be anywhere, he'd be with them. 

So when he landed silently in the snow it was a surprise. When he slipped on a patch of slush and landed face first in said snow, it was even more of a surprise. 

You snorted so hard you nearly choked on the hot cocoa you were drinking. He bolted up, hand going to the gun strapped to his thigh. He saw you and relaxed immediately. 

"Often find people falling funny, angel?" He asked, boots crunching in the thick layer of snow as he walked towards you. 

"Usually? No. When it's someone like you? Fucking hilarious."

You could just imagine his eyes narrowing under the red helmet. 

Hood stepped under the alcove, brushing the snow off his jacket, and removing the helmet so he was down to just the black domino. You poured out some of the coca into a spare cup you'd brought just out of habit and handed it over once he'd taken a seat next to you. 

"Cinnamon flavor? Fancy."

"Felt like splashing out." You sipped at your own, enjoying the warmth that seeped into you. "Things go okay?" 

"Without a hitch."

"Good. Didn't get hurt then?"

He looked at you moment then shook his head. "Nah. Why? You worry about me, angel?" 

You felt yourself blush, grateful that any change of skin color could be put down to the cold. "Who else am I gonna bitch about shitty TV adaptations to?" 

Hood laughed, head tilted back. "Don't worry about me. I'll always be around for that."

You fell silent, watching the falling snow that soon masked the evidence of his arrival. It was nice having him back. You'd missed him, but until now you hadn't quite realized how much. 

"Gotta admit I wasn't expecting you to be here tonight. Weren't you meant to be skipping town with your betrothed?" Hood asked after several minutes of peaceful quiet. 

"Yeah," you sighed, looking down into your half-empty mug. "Showing up to your fiancé's apartment to find him in bed with his girlfriend tends to change plans."

In the corner of your eye, you spotted Hood's hand clench a little tighter around his cup. "Son of a bitch."

"Exactly what I said," you laughed, the sound coming out hollow. 

"Tell me where he is and I'll pay him a visit, teach him a lesson, break a few bones. For you, I'll even make him disappear."

Maybe you should've been shocked or disturbed at the offer, but you weren't. If anything it actually helped to know Hood had your back like that. "Two weeks ago and I might've taken you up on that. But he's had enough punishment. Turns out his other girlfriend didn't know he was engaged, so she dumped his ass, and when his family heard they uninvited him, so he's not the only one with a wrecked Christmas."

Hood hummed, still sounding unhappy. "If he comes near you again I'm finding him anyway."

"He comes around again and I won't try and stop you."

"So you really don't have any other plans for tomorrow?" 

You shook your head, "I could've gone to my family, but it was impossible to get a ticket that didn't cost a small fortune. It doesn't matter. Not the first Christmas by myself and I doubt it'll be the last."

"Well, you've got my handsome self to keep you company."

You chuckled, nudging his shoulder with your own playfully. "Speaking of handsome." You said, dipping into your pocket and pulling out the twenty-five bucks you had stashed in it. "Here, your half of the bet win. Thanks for letting me snap that photo."

"The non-candid, candid," he laughed in return, taking the cash. "Can't believe you bet that I was handsome under the helmet."

Shrugging a shoulder you smiled, "They started it. Now there's a whole conversation on who's more handsome, you or Nightwing."

"I'm sure I know how those conversations go. With an ass like his it always only goes one way."

"You've always got me in your corner."

"Really?" 

"Course."

Hood smiled and you wished you could see his eyes to see what he was thinking. He was looking at you, and even with the mask, it was difficult not to squirm away from the intensity. He leaned in closer and your breath caught. 

Then he was pulling back, hand coming to his ear. "I'm two blocks away, I can be there in five," he said in response to whatever the person in his ear told him. He dropped his hand and set the empty cup down. "Gotta go."

You'd already guessed. Hardly the first time. "It was good seeing you."

He smiled again and nodded before pulling the red helmet back on. "See you around." A mock salute and he was taking off at a run towards the edge of the roof. 

"Hey, Red!" You called suddenly, dashing out under the alcove after him. He paused at the edge and looked back at you. "Be careful, alright? This Christmas has been shit enough without you getting hurt."

"Just for you, angel." And he was gone, disappearing into the night once again. 

~

Christmas Day was as dull as you'd expected it to be. The first part of the day was spent flopped on the sofa watching dumb Christmas movie after dumb Christmas movie. It wasn't bad necessarily but didn't exactly fill you with fun Christmas spirit either. 

It was mid-afternoon when someone knocked at your door. You were tempted to ignore it, but the curiosity of who would be calling at random on Christmas got the best of you. 

"I…how did you know which flat was mine?" 

Hood stood on the other side, sans helmet, with an eyebrow raised. "Wasn't hard to find the tenant roster. Merry Christmas to you too by the way."

Right. You stepped aside to let him in. "Second question; what are you doing here?" 

He held up the bag he was holding. "Swiped a couple plates of food for us."

"You...what?" 

"We do this thing where we get together with way too much food, eat some of it and usually end up arguing within two hours. Figured this year I'd shake it up."

"You ditched them? To be here?"

"They didn't mind. The Bat even graced us with one of the good bottles of wine."

You were quiet. He'd given up time with his family to be with you instead. Even if they argued that was still a big thing. A big choice. One you wouldn't make for just anybody. 

"I can go if you'd rather." He actually looked a little nervous. 

"No! No, that sounds perfect. Thank you."

He smiled, glanced around the apartment then made a beeline for the kitchenette. You didn't even need to tell him to make himself at home. He did that all by himself. He pulled out the containers of food he'd brought, immediately shushing you when you offered to help. 

So you sat, watching as he moved around, occasionally pointing him in the right direction of utensils he needed. He looked at ease, normal almost without the guns. Or most of them. He had one hidden under his jacket that was revealed when he shrugged it off. If he'd been completely unarmed you would've suspected a body snatcher situation though. You only wished he didn't have the mask on still. 

Though maybe that was for the best. It would be too personal, and you weren't entirely sure you could handle personal. 

In the months you'd known him you'd only ever seen him as a friend. Yeah, you admitted he was handsome, but never thought of him like that. You'd loved your fiancé, and it never entered your head to stray. But then the break up happened, and in the last couple of weeks, you'd found yourself thinking about Hood more. In the long lonely nights, you'd wished for him to be next to you. Wished he'd come home early, find you crying and hug you so tight you could barely breathe. The thoughts had trailed to him kissing you, touching you. You'd tried to brush the thoughts off, told yourself it was just a fantasy your broken heart wanted. But seeing him the previous night, the way he'd leaned in…maybe it wasn't a fantasy. 

Hood finished doing up the two plates and drew you back from your thoughts. 

You set up the table and popped open the bottle of wine. It really was a good bottle, confirming the theory you had that the Bat definitely had some money behind him. Just as you were done pouring the glasses, he came around you and placed the plates down. 

"Whoever made this deserves a damned medal," you groaned after the first bite. 

He laughed, "I'll pass it on."

The meal was delicious, the company even better. It was relaxed with him, and you realized you'd never quite felt at home with someone as you did with Hood. It made you wonder what it would be like if you fully knew each other.

Cleaning up together was easy. You moved around the other without issue, making short work of the dirty dishes. "Thank you for this, Red. It's been good," you said, turning to hand him the rest of his wine. 

He nodded, watching you a moment. "It's Jason."

That was unexpected. You smiled, holding out your glass to his. "Good to meet you, Jason."

He clinked the glass and finished what was left in it. For a second you thought he was going to say more, but then he pulled back out of your space. "C'mon. The Muppets Christmas Carol is showing in a bit."

You laughed because of course he liked that. You joined him on the sofa, throwing him the remote for him to get the right channel. His arm found its way across your shoulders, and somehow you found yourself leaning on his chest. 

He was warm and comfy and you were full and happy, so you really couldn't be blamed when you fell to sleep. 

You woke up by yourself, head resting on the arm of the sofa with a blanket up to your shoulders. You rubbed at your eyes, finding your phone on the coffee table to check the time. It was surprisingly late. Jason was probably long gone. You tried to push the disappointment that you'd missed him away. 

"Good nap, sleeping beauty?" 

Nearly jumping out of your skin, you sat up to see Jason at the kitchen island with a glass of water. 

"Thought you were gone."

"Nah. Took the night off so unless I'm needed, I'm free, and didn't want to up and leave without saying goodbye."

You smiled, keeping the blanket wrapped around you as you clambered off the sofa. "You could've woken me."

"You looked peaceful." He stood, pouring you some water of your own. You could feel him eye you up as you drank like he was weighing something up. "Do you trust me?" 

The question was a surprise, but you didn't even need to think of the answer. "Completely."

"A lot would say not to."

"Screw those people."

"I'm dangerous. I've killed people."

"Bad people. Jason, I know this. I knew it before we even met."

"Yet you still offered me tea."

"Because I trusted you. It's never been a doubt that I could."

Jason smiled, "Thank you."

"Where'd this come from?" 

He sighed, pausing a moment. "I needed to know, for sure, before-" he reached up and peeled off the domino mask, letting it flutter to the floor. 

Holy shit he was handsome. The mask had only been covering his eyes but it had been hiding so much. Jason was gorgeous, beautiful, but it wasn't just that that was tugging at your heart. It was the fact that he'd just trusted you with his entire fucking identity. You wondered how many outside of the vigilante group knew. You doubted there were many if any. 

Reaching up you carefully brushed one of the curls that were flopping into his eyes away. "Thank you. For trusting me."

"I can count the number of people I trust on one hand. You're one of them, angel."

"And I won't break it, I promise." Your hand came to rest on his cheek, and he actually leaned into it. "Guess I was right after all. You are the handsome one."

Jason laughed, "Don't let Nightwing hear you say that. You'll hurt his feelings."

"Don't care. I'm not in the habit of lying."

"How honest of you." Jason stepped closer, into your space fully, one hand coming to land on your hip. "You're beautiful, Y/N."

You blushed, turning your head away. "Not beautiful enough to stop the person meant to love me fucking someone else."

"Hey, look at me." His free hand came to tilt your head up. "You are beautiful and if that bastard was too fucking blind to see it, that's on him, not you. He didn't deserve you, and you're better off without him. The fact that he willingly threw what you had away...it makes me angry. If you were-" Jason cut himself off suddenly. 

"If I were what?"

He swallowed, "If you were mine…I'd make sure I told you how much I loved you every single day. I'd do everything I could to make you happy, to make sure you stayed happy. I'd go to the end of the world and back to ensure it. And if I couldn't, if there was a problem that meant I couldn't make you smile and laugh, I'd fix it. No matter what it took. I'd treat you the way you deserve to be, love you the way you should be loved, and never hurt you because that would be worse than hurting myself. If you were mine seeing you smile would be the best part of my day. Knowing that I was keeping you safe would give me even more reason to keep doing what I do, and knowing I was coming home to you would be my reason for making sure I did it and stayed alive."

He stopped and it was then you realized that your cheeks were wet. Jason took a breath and looked away. "Sorry. You've been through enough, I shouldn't have said-"

You kissed him. Tangled your fingers in his curls and kissed him. Hard. His arms wrapped around you on instinct, pressing you close to his body. 

"Y/N-"

"No one…no one's ever spoken to me like that, said those things. Do...do you…?"

"Yeah." The word came out a whisper. "But Y/N, you just got out of a relationship, I don't want to push you into another."

"Have I ever seemed the type of person to be pushed into something? Maybe I should need more time, and if I didn't know you, didn't trust you, I'd probably turn and run. But the truth is I want this. I want you. I'm just surprised you want me back."

"I've wanted you for months. Just never said anything. Wasn't planning to either. Especially not today, so soon after. My only intention coming here was to make you happy."

"And you succeeded."

A hand cupped your cheek, those stunning eyes meeting yours, "You're sure? About this?" 

"I've never been more sure." You leaned in for another kiss, clutching at his shoulders with a squeak when you suddenly found yourself being hoisted up onto the kitchen counter, with Jason between your legs.

"Sure like kissing me, babydoll, and you don't even have any mistletoe. Pretty sure that's against Christmas rules," he teased, pressing his forehead to yours. 

"We can stop if you feel so strongly about it."

Jason nipped at your bottom lip, then trailed kisses along your jaw and up to your ear. "Angel, I have every intention of kissing you for as long as you'll let me, mistletoe be damned."

"Good." Turning your head you caught him in another kiss, smiling into it. You weren't even sure the last time you'd felt this damned happy. How things had gone from the worst to this in just a couple weeks, you didn't know, or what you'd done to deserve such luck. But you were never going to complain. Not when you had Jason kissing you with such ferocious tenderness you were sure you were going to melt. 

Breaking the kiss and pulling back enough to look up at him, you grinned. "I'm pretty sure I might have an old bunch in the bedroom though."

Jason returned the grin, hands coming to grip your thighs as he lifted you from the counter with ease. "Merry Christmas, babe."

"Merry Christmas, babe."

Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee! (I’ll love you forever!)

Tagging: @musikat18 @sagyunaro @i-stand-sebastian-stan @samleerandom @everyday-imfangirling

[okaybutlikeimagine]

Hello. Thoughts on Dads!Harringrove??? the boys like in their mid 40s with 3 kids. what type of parents do you think they’ll be??? will their grandpa jim spoil them??? i love harringrove parents w all my heart. they both deserve a big happy family of their own 🥰

Hello, my thoughts are it’s the cutest damn thing ever and i could cry just thinking about it aUGH HARRINGROVE DADS.

Okay, so i’ve read quite a few things talking about the Harringrove Dads and adopting little babies, adopting sweet little girls, etc. and i absolutely live and die for that shit. Like i’m so serious, i think it’s so sweet, it warms my heart, i eat it up, i LOVE it

But also (and i’m sure i’m not the first to say it) I feel like they’re NOT the type to go adopting babies. They’re not getting a surrogate to raise a kid from infancy. They may want to, they may have that inkling, they may see Jonathan and Nancy having a baby and get that infamous Baby Fever, but I just… I really can’t bring myself to write that.

Bc (in my canon) Billy was adopted as a 17 year old delinquent. El was adopted as a 12 year old lab rat. Steve was basically abandoned at home when he got too old to be the “cute little boy” their parents could tote around to promote their Nuclear Family image. They’re two boys who were made very keenly aware that there are shitty people out there who believe kids get less desirable the older they get. Shitty people who think babies are worth more than older kids who probably just come with “problems”.

(i’ve also been rewatching Boy Meets World and GUYS. i see a lot of Billy in Shawn Hunter. Boy who’s taken in bc he’s been neglected and he’s a sensitive kid underneath but he’s got this hard, bad boy shell bc it’s easier than crying every day)(AUGH and just like Will in Fresh Prince goddamnit i fucking LIVE for those kids who think and act all tough and use their pretty looks like a weapon but all they really need is a caring and stern hand who’s gonna keep them on the straight and narrow and help them out along the way i am SOFT.)

So if these boys have 3 kids, it’s 3 kids who were seen as the “worst” of the bunch. 3 kids they fought to connect with bc these kids didn’t see anything in themselves anymore but goddamnit, Steve and Billy saw 3 kids beat and broken by the system that told them the older they got, the smaller their chances were of ever getting out of this place. They came with problems and fears and shells harder than Billy’s steel toed boots but like hell were Billy and Steve going to let these kids go the rest of their lives thinking they were damaged goods.

(god now i wanna write OCs of their children. look what you did to me!)

Okay so their parenting style changes as they grow and adopt more kids, as what happens with most parents. They learn what’s good and what’s not so good and they get better at fixing problems (but of course it’s never quite that easy bc they’re adopting kids of different ages).

And of course i’m saying they adopt the kids everyone has turned away, but for their first kid they adopt a little boy, about 5 years old, bc they gotta start small. He’s very cute and has a bit of a lisp and he mixes up some of his letters and he’s… energetic. He runs and he screams and he tires himself out real quick to the point where he just flops down and takes naps where he is, meaning there has been more than one occasion where Billy or Steve has found the child sleeping face first in the middle of a room (the entry room seems to be his favorite. Billy doesn’t blame him, the carpet is softer there than anywhere else.) One time he even flopped down on the middle of the sidewalk and again in the middle of a department store. Both times Billy scooped him up like a rag doll and carried him around the rest of their trip out.

And i know it’s not the BEST movie but i can’t help but think their parenting at the beginning would be a bit like the movie Big Daddy. Like, a lot of well-intentioned but misguided advice, a lot of “real world” lessons (like how to piss on the side of the road), a lot of hurried and frazzled solutions to things because “kids are messy why are kids so fucking messy why can’t he ever stay clean?”

“He’s just a kid, Steve, c’mon-”

“He’s always sticky! How! How is he always sticky? What’s making him so sticky!”

And I just!! Augh!! Imagine Steve at work all day and Billy has off/maybe he’s inbetween jobs right now so he can be home with the kid/whatever and so he has errands to run and takes their little kid with him and the kid’s like:

“What’s your real name?”

“You know that. It’s Billy.”

“…. why?”

And Billy shrugs with an “I dunno, cuz I couldn’t talk and my parents could and they had to call me somethin.”

“You could’n talk?”

“Hey, you couldn’t either.”

The boy thinks for a second before: “Could too.”

“Could not. Not when you were a baby.” He pokes the boy in the shoulder, still very tentative with how much the little tike can take. “Don’t start attacking me! You didn’t name yourself.”

They walk for a second but Billy chimes in before the kid can.

“Hey, that’s not fair though, is it?”

The boy looks up and shakes his head, but he can see the confusion in his eyes.

“You should be able to name yourself, right? What do you want your name to be? Anything in the world, what do you want me to call you?”

Which is how Steve comes home to their child and Billy eating some baby carrots smothered in BBQ sauce and his husband telling him: “By the way, the kid’s new name is Hot Dog.”

“…. what?”

“He picked it out himself.”

And just imagine Billy and the kid are going grocery shopping and Billy catches the boy reaching for a can of spaghetti-o’s.

Billy reaches for the can and takes it off the shelf. “You like these?”

The kid nods.

“Alright then. Watch out-” he hold the kid back gently before chucking the can at the ground. He turns to his boy. “Dented cans are half off. Y’know, Microsoft dropped 3 points.”

His kid nods in awe.

“Wanna pick that up for me?” Billy asks and the kid follows, before rearing the can back to throw it on the ground.

“Woah woah woah! Watch it there!” Billy grabs the boy’s arm, before aiming it a different way. “Aim away from your feet… there ya go. I know they’re kinda tiny targets but still, don’t wanna give yourself a flat tire there.”

The kid chucks it and Billy laughs. “Nice job, little dude.”

And i just have so many THOUGHTS about this!!! Their second kid being a little 9 year old girl who’s real fucking good at boxing and fighting and also a little too good at sneaking out the window. They’ve caught her a few times in the backyard or the front yard, just sitting around shivering. It always gives Billy and Steve a heart attack.

“What are you doing out here?” Steve asks, kneeling down to look at the girl, Billy taking note of her hands balled up into little fists.

“I heard a… noise. A loud noise.”

“Oh, yeah, your brother just dropped a glass.”

“Oh. Did you… did you… hurt him?” Her fists clench tighter, her shoulders get tighter, closer to her ears. Billy sees himself in it. He wants to ease her shoulders down out of her ears.

“No! No of course we didn’t.” Steve soothes, rubbing the girls arms soothingly. She looks skeptical.

But it becomes a pattern, and they realize it’s whenever she thinks something is going on or someone is in danger. To the point where if any loud noise happens, one of them rushes outside to look for Jordan climbing out a window.

Steve’s out there this time, grabbing hold of her middle and helping her out of the window because they’ve let their plants grow a little wiley and she was having a hard time getting past them. He sets her down gently.

“It’s fine, hun. You’re fine. Your dad just dropped a pan.”

“Oh…”

“Y’know, you can’t keep doing this.”

“What?”

“Ditching out the window like this.” He kneels down to look at her. “It’s not safe. And one of these days it’s gonna be snowing and you’re gonna jump out in your PJs and be all cold.”

“I’ve done it before.”

And if that doesn’t break Steve’s heart. He thinks about Billy when he was a kid. About the stories Billy has told him when he’s tired and a little drunk and feeling a little emotional. Steve loses himself in the sadness of the thought for a second.

He brushes a little bit of dirt off her shoulder.

“Yeah… well you don’t have to ever again, alright? I mean it. Nothing is happening to you here. We’re not gonna hurt you… Now give me a hug.”

She accepts it, which is big for her, and Steve squeezes her as tight as he squeezed Billy that one night he found him with a cut on his cheek and bruises all up and down his arms.

And then they adopt another boy. A 17 year old boy. A boy who’s been in and out of so many homes he doesn’t have a number for it. A boy who’s angry and jaded and… loves poetry and is so gentle with children and animals.

And him and Billy butt heads… a lot. They’re so similar… at least he’s similar to what Billy used to be. And it pisses them both off bc suddenly Billy knows what Hop felt- frustration. Utter frustration at this boy not understanding his fucking potential.

And i’ve written a whole dialogue for this but it’s long and very dramatic and I might just end up writing a fic about all of these little sweethearts (bc i have so many ideas!!!) but basically the boy telling Billy and Steve that he’s fucked up. He’s fucked up and no one will ever be able to change that and Billy is adamant that he’s not until he admits-

“No. You’re right, you are fucked up.”

Steve is shocked. “Billy!”

“No, shut up Steve.” Billy points at the kid. “You are fucked up. You’re a fucked up kid, and you know what? I’m fucked up too. And so is Steve. And so is your aunt El, and your Aunt Max, and your Uncle Will and Uncle Jonathan. And y’know what else? Your grandpa Jim is fucked up too. Hell, even your Grandma Joyce is fucked up. Wish I could tell you she’s not but ding ding ding! She is!”

And they get in a fight. There’s no fists, no touching, but it’s a major fight of Billy telling this boy what Hop told him once: You’re our kid now and we love you. And you can leave and never think about us again but we’re never gonna forget you.

And: “Don’t you dare fucking compare us to those assholes because I’m not giving up on you. We’re not giving up on you. You’re family now and no matter what you do, I’m gonna be there to worry about you and be happy for you because you deserve it!”

And Billy gets frustrated with all of his yelling so he grabs his stress ball and walks away, breathing heavy, and Steve is there to look the boy in the eye and tell him Billy’s right. And that he understands that the boy has a past before they ever met him “but Billy had a life before he met me… and same with me and him, and we can still love each other. So maybe we’re just on an even playing field. We get to learn about you while you learn about us and… and even so, we can still love each other, right?”

AUGH I’M SOFT. ANYWAY.

Hop and Joyce spoil them fucking rotten. It’s really hard to spoil a 17 year old boy as stubborn as an ox (“You were bad enough, now you bring me another one?” “You saying you didn’t like taking care of me, Pops?” “I’m saying I have enough gray hair as it is.” “Oh shush, Hop!” Joyce hits him) but they do their best. They give him love and support. Joyce bakes a shitton of cookies and cakes and Hop buys the kids toys (and the older boy CDs and records and band tees)(“I’m trying! The older I get, the less I know what kids what.”)

And they love all their aunts and uncles too! The little girl has a hard time reading and she reads way below her level, so Aunt El helps her out!

“I understand. I learned to read really late.”

“Really?” The girl’s heart lifts a bit. “How late?”

“I was twelve.”

“Really??”

El nods and gives a kind smile. “Yeah, but I learned, didn’t I? I had a lot of help, and I can help you, too! Just like your dad helped me.”

The girl smiles brightly.

Will’s favorite is the youngest boy (but he would never tell the other two that. Of course not.) because he’s silly and he took to Will almost instantly and he likes to roll around in the grass and catch bugs and those were never really things Will liked as a kid and he… he likes that. He didn’t think he’d ever like that but there’s something about this kid that brings out adventure in him. He reminds Will of Mike when they first met. A bundle of energy and excitement that always dragged Will around on adventures.

The older one hangs out a lot with Max and Jonathan. Jonathan likes hanging out with the kid cuz he reminds him of Billy when Billy was young. (“I don’t remember you being this… exhausting though.” Jonathan tells Billy.) (“You’re just getting old, bud.” Billy says with a laugh and a clap on the back) They smoke weed whenever they can and Jonathan gives the boy some good old 70’s and 80’s music to listen to and tells the boy “Meatloaf is not the best of our decade, don’t listen to your father. Either of them, honestly. Their music taste is shit.”

Max hangs out with the older one too. She gives him advice about girls and how to talk to them and she picks up a skateboard for the first time in years because of him. They go to the skate park sometimes and everyone there is amazed that a twenty something year old girl is here to skate with them until she skates circles around them. (She becomes the hit of the skate park)

She also wrestles around with the little 8 year old girl sometimes! She has a lot of heart to hearts with the kid, giving her advice as well and telling her silly stories of both Billy and Steve so that the girl learns to trust them more.

And overall they’re a big, loving family!! And they’re slightly dysfunctional too and i just! Can’t see it happening any other way!! Bc they’re a little dysfunctional but they’re dysfunctional with LOVE and isn’t that what matters???? It’s a lot of work and a lot of sweat and a lot of tears but it’s their family and in the end their kids love them to death bc they realize their fathers love them to death and!!! Everyone’s heart is full and happy and i’m crying!

[reddie-fangirl24]

“I know a game we can play.” for reddie!

@zoejohnson8 and @sapphos-ex-lover‘s request lines are also in this piece. I hope you enjoy it.

Support me on my Ko-Fi!

That first Friday night after the Losers got their very own apartment in the city together, Bill thought it would be a good idea to go out and celebrate. Because Eddie was still in the midst of recovering, he declined the offer, not having the energy to go on late outings just yet. 

Just so, he wouldn’t be alone, Richie offered to stay behind. Of course, Eddie told him to go have fun, but Richie being Richie denied, happily staying with him for the evening. Eddie had been feeling down lately, no help to the awful divorce that he was going through with Myra. 

“Want to watch a movie?” Richie suggested. “Have you ever seen Coming to America?”

Eddie shrugged his shoulder unenthusiastically at the idea but he agreed. It was strange. For the first time in so long, twenty-seven years if you wanted to look at it that way, he was alone with Eddie. Trying to ignore his insides heating up, Richie sat close to Eddie, but not as close to enough like he was going to wrap an arm around his shoulder.

“How about we play a game?” Richie suggested, seeing how Eddie wasn’t enjoying the movie.

Like that, Eddie perked up. “What about tic-tac-toe?”

Richie looked at Eddie as if he were out of his mind. “Do you have any idea how easy that game is?”

“Okay, how about a game of mono-”

“I beat your ass at that, Eddie when we were sixteen, and you wouldn’t let me forget about it for a week!”

“What about…”

“If you’re going to ask me to do a word search it is out of the question.”

Eddie’s cheeks flared. Getting Eddie all worked up was Richie’s guilty pleasure. It was better than seeing him mope around. 

“Fine, asshole, If I’m such a bore why don’t you pick an activity.”

Thinking for a minute, Richie raised his finger in the air. “I know a game we can play.”

“What is it?”

“Ever play fuck, marry, or kill?” Richie asked, raising his eyebrow at him.

Eddie’s eyes went wide. “I don’t know, Rich...”

“Come on, it’s not boring! And nobody wins or loses! It’ll be fun!”

“Do I really have to kill someone?”

Richie cracked up, spitting a bit on Eddie’s arm. “Wow, you’ve really never played this! Okay, time to set up.” Richie turned off the TV and went to the refrigerator. 

“What are you doing?” Eddie asked, sitting up a bit. He grimaced from the pain. Luckily, the pain was starting to subside, but as doctors noted the pain was likely going to linger for a certain time.

As Richie walked to the kitchen he lightly whacked Eddie with a pillow. “For starters, you don’t actually kill anyone, Spaghetti-man. It’s figuratively. And second,” he went into the fridge, returning to the couch with several bottles of beer. “Let’s get drunk!”

“Control yourself, Rich.” Eddie nagged him as Richie popped one open and guzzled down a bottle. 

“Be quiet. We’re havin’ fun, aren’t we?” Richie said popping open another beer for Eddie. Eddie never drank beer in his life. He was lucky if he even had any alcohol. Now that he was finally living away from Myra, and the shadow of his mother, Richie made him do all the things that he was band from ever enjoying. So, Eddie took the beer and took a little sip.

“I’ll go first. Fergie, Reese Witherspoon, and Jennifer Aniston.”

Wow, this was harder then Eddie expected. After sitting on it for quite a bit, a smile grew on Eddie’s face. He was hardly able to contain himself from laughing. “I would kill Jennifer Aniston.”

“You read my mind. I hate her movies.” Richie laughed along.

“I never said I hated anything about her, Rich. You have to admit that she can act…”

“So why do you choose to kill her?”

“‘Cause I don’t have any urges to do it with her.

Richie, spat his beer out, making a purring noise. “So you’d fuck Fergie?”

Eddie shook his head. “I would rather do it with Reese Witherspoon.”

“Wow, look at you, Mr. Good Manners!” Richie lied back into the pillows sipping his beer. “Your turn.”

“Alright, uh, let’s see, Marie Curie, Marie Baker Eddy, and Henrietta Lacks.”

Richie stared blankly at the ceiling. “I must either be drunk or I have no idea who those people are.”

“Didn’t you pay attention to the history lessons in school, Richie? Those women were important figures in our history.” Eddie explained.

“’ Were’, huh? You want me to fuck a corpse?”

“Richie, don’t be disgusting! God, you are an asshole!” Eddie whipped a pillow at Richie who broke into a fit of laughter. “Fine, I’ll change to people who are still alive!”

As the night went on the laughter increased while the beers decreased. They hardly noticed their minds starting to swirl. If they noticed Eddie and Richie were sitting at close proximity to one another. Richie wrapped his hand around Eddie’s shoulder for a short period, not like it was any different.

“My turn again,” Eddie was trying to calm himself down from all the laughter. The alcohol was definitely going to his brain. “Bill, Greta, or me.”

“Wow, now we’re gettin’ serious.” Richie laughed as he nudged Eddie in his side. “I’d kill Greta...”

“You would?” Eddie asked in surprise.

“Yeah.”

“Really…”

“What?”

“N-Nothing.”

“No, no, come on say what you want to say,” Richie said sitting up on the couch. Conversations like these annoyed Richie. Something would bother Eddie and he’d refuse to talk about it. He’d been having trouble trying to get any information out of him in the last couple of months. Myra had a lot to say, that was for sure.

“It’s just that you went out with her,” Eddie said touching Richie’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, it was a small fling. She was a total bitch!”

Eddie realized that he was still touching Richie’s buff shoulder. In a flash, he pulled back. Richie hadn’t realized that Eddie was touching him, but now that he did it made him feel hot in his stomach again. Maybe drinking those beers wasn’t the best choice.

“Go on…” Eddie told him, averting his eyes, and pulling up the small blanket.

Richie was unusually quiet for a moment. Eddie noticed the man make a side glance at him a few times. He looked nervous.

“I’d marry you.” Richie finally said.

Eddie was taken aback by the comment. His heart fluttered. Why was it doing that? And why did he feel so warm? Could this mean… no, it would be too good to be true.

“You would?” Eddie had to ask.

“Yeah. Well, figuratively, you know?”

“Oh, yes. Yes. Figuratively.” 

Richie looked sheepish. He was avoiding Eddie’s eyes. Noticing him staring Richie nervously smiled.

“Wow.”

“What are you erapted by?”

Laughing a little too hysterically, Eddie fell against Richie’s shoulder practically rolling against his body. Richie slightly recoiled from having Eddie so close to him. He could feel the soft skin on his face. Did it always feel so soft?

“That’s not the right word, Rich, but I love how you’d want to marry me. It shows how much we love each other.”

The mood in the room changed. Eddie covered his mouth. What was wrong with him?

“That beer must be going to your head.” Richie smiled. He wasn’t smiling. It was a nervous smile as he also felt his cheeks heating up.

“I’m sorry, Rich, um... I think I should turn in for the night.” Eddie was just about to get up. He made a fair point. This was around the time he went to bed at night anyway. The physical therapist was here today to help him with exercises.

“Wait.” Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand. Eddie stared at his friend’s grasp. It was firm. He didn’t want him to leave. Slowly he sat back down letting Richie continue to hold his hand.

“What would you do?”

“Huh?”

“Which would you do to me?”

It was like a spell took over Eddie. Suddenly he was crawling closer to Richie who was watching him with cautious eyes. Without trying to look suspicious, Richie slowly hid a hand over his crotch. Eddie’s voluptuous eyes stared intently at him, wanting him, looking as if they wanted to eat him if he were his favorite food. Eddie’s eyes were so intense that he could feel something moving. 

“I’d fuck you.”

Richie’s mouth practically hung open. Drips of sweat fell from his face. “Would you?”

“Yes,” Eddie answered without hesitating, his hand cupping his half-shaved face.

Richie smiled up at him. “I would too.”

Their lips smashed together, evaluating kisses all over one another. Their arms wrapped around as Eddie moaned bringing their faces closer together. Their insides felt so warm feeling the other's tongue exploring around. Richie felt overwhelmed and yet he loved this feeling. Here he was, kissing and laying on top of his best friend….

Wait… his best friend…

“Uh, Eds?”

It took a few moments for Eddie to regain control of himself. When he finally took it what was going on, Eddie’s eyes flew out of his sockets. They were still resting on top of each other, Eddie staring up at Richie who still had his arms around his slender body. They were both in shock to see a bump coming from the mid-region of their pants.

“Fuck.” Eddie was all red. Still, he couldn’t help, but smile.

“Um… is this why you don’t drink?”

“Richie, I’m sorry! I don't know what came over me. You see…”

“You love me?”

Eddie was silent. “You do too?”

Richie looked at him once more with an ‘are you serious look’. “Eddie, did I ever look as if I wanted Greta or any other girl on the face of the planet?” He was gently smoothing his hand along his face. Eddie didn’t know why, but he craved to see Richie naked. It was a random thought that didn’t have to do with anything, but he imagined it. He didn’t know if he regretted it or not when Richie could feel Eddie’s penis wiggling.

“And I’m the one who should contain themself?” Richie asked. He was turned on by this wanting more.

“I didn’t think you felt the same way.” Eddie was fiddling with Richie’s shirt button.

“You couldn’t tell?”

“I guess I’m not that observant.”

“Says the guy who made the dean’s list since high school.”

Eddie flicked open Richie’s shirt button revealing the smallest strands of chest hair. He was mesmerized by it, touching, suddenly wishing, no, wanting Richie to be naked right now as they were still in this position.

“You’re really a good kisser,” Richie said to him.

“Really?”

“The best.”

Eddie was embarrassed. The question was sizzling on his tongue, beating his mouth to come out. “So…”

“So..?”

“Do you?”

“Do I?” Richie asked curling his eyebrow to make Eddie finish his sentence.

“Okay, okay, stop being annoying, you asshole!” Eddie looked into his eyes again. “Do you want to do it?”

Richie leaned closely into his face. He was so close that Eddie could feel his warm breath and his tongue which was inches away from his own. Eddie wanted so badly to have it in his mouth.

“I would fuck you any day.”

The sound of a key turning in the doorway made Eddie and Richie shoot up from their suggestive position on the couch. When the Losers entered the apartment Eddie and Richie scattered to their feet collecting the beer bottles and picking up the most random conversation about socks.

“What were you guys up to?” Beverly asked, suspicious of the empty beer bottles.

“Oh… j-just talking.” 

“Eds decided to get drunk,” Richie said, nudging Eddie in his side. It wasn’t just to be funny, but so he could feel Eddie’s soft warm skin again.

“You were the one who brought them out, asshole!” Eddie fought back.

“Aw, someone’s a little drunk. Better get this one to bed!” Richie grabbed hold of Eddie’s shoulders, walking him off to his room. It was no use, the Losers were going to stick around forever now. There was no way that they could do this tonight.

“Wait, guys, we need to ask you something,” Mike called out before they could disappear.

Eddie and Richie were nervous. Did they know?

“We were wondering if we wanted to go out tomorrow night to see a movie,” Ben suggested. “I know Saturdays are the night’s we do something. Do you want to...”

“No!” Eddie and Richie yelled simultaneously. 

Jumping, the Losers had no idea what to say, or how to react. Besides, Richie always wanted to spend a night on the town.

“There are hundreds of Saturday’s, guys. You crazy kids go enjoy yourselves!” Richie awkwardly gave them a thumbs up.

“Yes, it’s alright to skip a night.” Eddie chimed in.

The Losers looked suspiciously at them, noticing Richie still holding Eddie by the shoulders. He needed support while walking after all 

“Are you two just trying to get us out of the house?” Bill lifted an eyebrow and smiled slyly at them.

“NO!” Why did they say it like that? Now they were sure to catch on!

Finally, Eddie and Richie retreated into the bedroom. The Losers were in conversation right outside. Besides, Richie had to go back to his own apartment now so he wouldn’t cause anymore suspicion.

“Tomorrow,” Richie whispered to Eddie as he made him comfortable in bed. He craved sleeping in a bed with Eddie.

“That’s so long.”

“Oh, you’ll find out how long it is,” Richie said glancing down at his crotch.

It was sure to be the longest night and day of their lives. They kissed one another good night and dreamed of their kiss.

[sserpente]

A/N: Request from @ultimatedeviant. Here’s some sexy vampire action. 😉

Words: 2813 Warnings: mentions of domestic violence, alcohol consumption, smut

Fucker. You hated him. Perhaps you always had. Perhaps your hatred for him had been so intense you had mistaken it for love. How could you be so stupid? Of course he would cheat on you. For months on end, your now ex-boyfriend had neglected you—he rarely bothered to show up at your place after work, he never took you out on dates anymore and then when you finally met, he was usually moody and grumpy, leading to one-minute-sex which left you all but unsatisfied. The next morning, he expected breakfast and coffee to be ready for him and then he left, sometimes even without kissing you goodbye.

The worst, however, had been his anger and aggressive behaviour. He had only hit you once, yet it had been enough for you to wake up and realise you were trapped in an abusive relationship. You were upset. Upset with yourself and upset with your stupid ex. Now there were two options. You could either crawl into bed with a bar of chocolate and gummy bears, watching cheesy romance movies and cry surrounded by a dozen used tissues or you could say fuck you and go out to have a drink.

It was Monday night—none of your friends were willing to spend the evening in a dimly lit club but that wouldn’t stop you. You felt confident when you entered shortly after 11pm and headed straight to the bar to buy a pint. The first out of many… you had already asked a cab company to come pick you up at two just to be safe.

Inside the club, it was as loud as usual. The bass was humming in your chest, your ears ringing. The best part of this club was its music and especially on a Monday night, it wasn’t as intensely crowded as it was on the weekends—it was the perfect time to get drunk and pity yourself.

Adam glanced up from his flask when he spotted the young girl approaching the bar right next to him, his blue gaze, hidden by dark sunglasses, instantly wandering down to your bare neck. He could practically sense the delicious vein pumping right under your skin.

Hissing quietly, he forced his eyes back up. You had ordered a pint—and he liked your voice, he decided. Mutely, he watched you pay and bring the glass to your lips to empty almost all of it in one go. Shit. Easy.

He had never seen a girl drink like that. You were either incredibly stupid or incredibly desperate. Either way, whatever it was, as he studied your profile and body, he could not take his eyes off you even though he knew it would best to forget about it. He knew how this would end. If he took you home for some fun, he would bite you—and if he bit you, he would have to kill or turn you to make sure you did not spill his little secret.

Oh yes… a really bad idea. He would watch you for a while, fantasise and leave it at that. It was why he did not fail to notice that you tensed up when you spotted a blonde man in the crowd whose distorted expression darkened when he found you at the bar.

You were about to move away, away from him too without even knowing he was more interested in you than in the music in the club.

“(Y/N)… come on, we need to talk.”

“No. You need to fuck off, Jared.” Adam heard you snap. (Y/N). So that was your name. It suited you. Who was that and why was he bothering you? He could sense the violence radiating off of this guy and he figured quickly that it had to be your ex-boyfriend—which would also explain why you drank so much. The break-up must have happened very recently. This guy wanted you back. Or something else. Adam growled, unable to comprehend why he would even consider helping you.

“Jared, no!”

Mine, a carnal voice whispered in his head. She is mine.

Adam rose from his seat when Jared wrapped his hand around your arm to yank you towards him, making him growl yet again. The urge to protect you was boiling within him, almost as if an invisible force was pulling him to you. It might have been the animal inside of him that wanted him to own you but he was not going to let Jared take you away from him. Bloody zombies…

“I believe the lady said no, Jared.” He snarled threateningly. The human turned his head to him so fast any other man would have felt intimidated. He was aggressive—and without a doubt he had hit you before. Adam longed to rip his throat out there and then.

“Who the fuck are you, mind your own business!”

The vampire blinked, relieved that his blue eyes were hidden by the dark sunglasses which luckily failed to reveal his slowly darkening irises until he was ready to pounce and attack.

“Let go of her.”

Much to his surprise, he did—only, however, to instead approach him. Men around them turned away in a desperate attempt not to witness the imminent club brawl. Yet when Jared lunged out, the moment his fist was to connect with Adam’s face, he caught it in mid-air seemingly without any effort at all and held it so tightly Jared’s fingers began to crack. If he squeezed any harder, he would break his hand—and he was sure that he was very well aware of that—aware enough to realise he would not stand a chance against him.

He heard you gasp despite the loud music, noticing your shocked and at the very same time impressed expression out of the corner of his eye.

“Okay, let go, fuck, let go! That’s not worth it, fuck…” Jared cursed and turned back to you when Adam released his hand and he shook it with a whine. “I really hope he’ll fuck you better than I did. This is not over yet.”

You let out a relieved breath when he shot you one last, angry glare and then elbowed his way through the crowd—away from you.

“Thank you.” You said genuinely. Whoever he was, he had probably just saved you a lot of pain and violence; even if the fact he was wearing sunglasses and gloves inside freaked you out just a tiny little bit.

The stranger nodded calmly, sitting back down. “Can I buy you another drink?” What was he doing? For Fuck’s sake…

“Look… I’m really grateful for your help but...” You stopped yourself. He was seriously hot. And if there was one thing that would bother Jared’s giant ego the most, it would be you actually fucking someone else. “Actually… yes. I would love that. Thank you. I’m (Y/N), by the way.”

“Adam.” Adam. Adam, the mysterious stranger. You liked that and somehow… somehow he fascinated you. Those sunglasses, the gloves… the black hair and his smooth voice… it almost felt like he was hypnotising you. Had that been that… exciting tingling, making the hairs on your neck stand when you had ordered your first drink? That awkward feeling of being watched? You swallowed thickly.

It took you ten whole minutes to tell him all about your boyfriend—the beer making you talkative and, despite his sunglasses, you did not fail to notice that he seemed to be fixed on your neck. Did he have a thing for that? Your neck was your most sensitive area… your heart skipped a beat when you imagined his thin and soft lips plastering feather-light kisses on your skin, making you sigh… aroused, you clenched your legs.

“How did he know you would be here then?” Adam asked just then. He himself had not ordered a drink—instead, he kept sipping from that silver flask he had brought.

“It’s my favourite club. One of my friends must have told him. They don’t know we broke up yet.”

“I see.”

For a moment, silence spread between you—he wouldn’t exactly say much about himself. You merely knew he was a musician and that he lived not far from here. You appeared to like the same kind of music, apart from that he remained utterly mysterious.

“Would you like to dance with me?” You asked, hoping to break that scrutinising gaze he seemed to be meeting you with.

“No. I don’t dance.”

“Oh…”

“Let me take you home.”

You frowned. “What?”

“Let me take you home. My car is parked on the other side of the street.”

“You drank.” You stated, pointing at his flask.

“Not alcohol.” Your frown deepened.

“W-why don’t we call a taxi? Pick up your car tomorrow…”

But Adam knew you wouldn’t make it home and he wasn’t going to fuck you in front of the taxi driver… let alone drink your blood.

“I promise you it’ll be safe.” Filthy liar. You’re pushing her right into the arms of the next monster. But there was another voice, too. Mine, it said. Mine. He wanted you so much it hurt—and he could already feel his fangs pressing against his gums painfully.

Next thing you knew he had already pushed you on the backseat of his car, his mouth coming crashing down on yours. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close as he climbed inside himself and shut the door. A silent click indicated he had locked it so you would be undisturbed.

Fighting for dominance he quickly was rewarded with, Adam’s tongue slipped between your lips, deepening the kiss. Eagerly, he devoured your body, his hands exploring your breasts and curves with bare palms, the gloves long abandoned. It only took him five minutes to undress you enough for him to feast his eyes on you—dark with lust and hunger when he took off his sunglasses.

“Adam, please…” Wriggling underneath him, right against that growing and impressive bulge in his black trousers, you reached for a condom in your bag—a pathetic reminder from your ex-boyfriend as he had loved quickies in public—and handed it to him. Adam took it without a word. Only reluctantly did he break the kiss to rip it open with his teeth all the while fumbling around with the buttons of his trousers to free his aching member. You gasped when you watched him roll the condom over, automatically spreading your legs further. You had never thought a cock beautiful before and yet… his was. Leaking precum already, you were both more than ready to forget reality for a bit.

Your nails dug into his shoulders when he bent down to bury his face in your neck, his tip pressing against your entrance which gave in with little resistance. Moaning in unison, he sheathed himself inside you to the hilt, your cunt moulding around him as if you had been made for one another.

Adam wasted no time. Gentleness was not what this was about anyway. You were tipsy and you needed a distraction, someone who would fuck you better than Jared. So why was your heart beating so fast when you looked into his dark eyes? You loved them… like you could gape right into his soul.

You held your breath when he started moving inside you, retreating almost entirely only to plunge back into you, fucking you senseless. His name spilled from your lips repeatedly—his fierce movements making your breasts bounce rhythmically along with his hips.

With every single thrust, he lured you closer and closer to an earth-shattering orgasm and fuck, the idea of making sex pleasurable for you too had never even struck Jared—your fingers did the job long after he had fallen asleep but Adam… Adam knew exactly how to pamper you with his cock.

“Mine…” He growled but you were too caught up in your own bliss than to realise the gravity of this one word. It only took a couple more thrusts for you to shatter into millions of tiny pieces underneath him, screaming his name as you came undone and let pleasure consume you whole. Your walls contracted around him repeatedly, milking him for all he was worth and making him groan. Adam stilled—it almost seemed like he was trying to climb right inside of you as he too climaxed, twitching and pulsing inside of you. In this very moment, it was a shame he was wearing a condom.

“I’m sorry…” He suddenly whispered, his hot breath ghosting over your neck.

“What are you… talking about?”

He did not need to answer. His response was a sharp pain as he bit you, two long fangs burying itself in your delicate skin. Squealing, you attempted to pull away when he began to suck the blood from the wound, moaning hungrily against you.

Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck! Was he a freak after all? What kind of man bit and licked up your blood after sex? But then again… what kind of man had fangs in the first place? Panicking, you flung your arms about, desperate to push him away—because what scared even more was that you were beginning to enjoy it.

“Adam… Adam, please, stop!”

You did not know why he listened or why he stopped himself from drinking you dry there and then. A red trickle of blood ran down the corner of his mouth when he retreated, his pale face both scary and fascinating in the dark.

“Oh my God… that’s… that’s why you decided to help me! Why you offered me to buy a drink! God… I would have been fine with being a one night stand… I mean… that’s what I had in mind. But you’re… you’re even worse than him! As if this day wasn’t bad enough already… a fucking vampire…”

“(Y/N)…” He murmured. It was an eerie mixture of both threatening and soothing.

“I’m leaving right now.” The words spilled from your mouth before you had even considered their meaning. Frantically and uncaring about your nakedness, you reached for the door handle in a desperate attempt to get out of that damn car but as you should have expected, it would not budge.

“Let me out, let me go!”

“You know I can’t let you leave anymore.”

What scared you the most was that it wasn’t the fact he was a vampire—it was the fact he had used your vulnerability to have you for supper like a bloody goat. And by the looks on his face, he was surprised about that too.

“I won’t tell anyone. Adam… don’t kill me. Please. Just let me go.” Perhaps it was the alcohol that made you this reckless and calm both at the very same time. Vampire. You should be screaming, crying, begging… why didn’t you? When you looked into his which were now, suddenly, returning to its seemingly natural colour—a beautiful blue—what you felt for the man who had just gifted you an amazing orgasm was anything but disgust. You… liked him. He had saved you. God, you were desperate.

“I won’t kill you.”

He wasn’t lying. Adam tilted his head. Of course he would not kill you. Yes, it’s what he had predicted would have to happen in case he did decide to feast on you and yet… mine. He wanted so much more. He wanted you. All of you… not just your blood. Fuck, what would Eve think about that? Him being this crazy about a bloody zombie? He had not thought about harbouring romantic feelings for another woman for years… not since she had died and now, here you were… a helpless mortal woman in his clutches, to do with as he pleased.

An incredible rush of adrenaline and power rushed through him when he realised you belonged to him now. He wanted you to stay. Only he had no idea how he would accomplish that now that he had abused your trust.

He never thought he would be grateful for your violent ex-boyfriend to show up again with two of his friends just then, exiting the club and looking around as if looking for someone. You.

Nervously, your gaze wandered over to them, suspicion and fear spreading in your guts. Fuck… what was worse? Being with a vampire whom you had incredible sex with… or facing your ex-boyfriend yet again? The latter you dreaded. Indecisively, you glanced back at Adam.

“I can drive you home.”

Fuck it. You were going to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Nodding and wiping your neck with your bare hand. When you drew back, you fingers were covered in blood. “Thank you.”

You didn’t need to know just yet he had no intentions to leave you once you had arrived. He was a predator, after all.

A/N: If you enjoyed this story I would be flattered if you supported me on KoFi! kofi.com/sserpente

[goldendream-s]

decisions (pt. 3)

"There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice.”

PART ONE || PART TWO

MASTERLIST || REQUEST

You didn’t understand what it was like to feel lonely until now. Sure, you had your boyfriend Charlie, not to mention the three friends who were like older brothers to you, but your life was missing something. Or rather, someone. Maybe that was the worst part of it all. You had people constantly around you, but you still felt isolated.

It wasn’t easy forgiving Shawn, but you understood that everyone has their reasons for their decisions. Even if he does or doesn’t regret choosing his girlfriend over you, the good in you told you the first step of moving on was to forgive. Having lost track of how long it’s been since you’ve talked to Shawn, you just needed closure. You wanted answers, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to see him again.

You and Shawn might’ve been in some hot water, but that didn’t stop your friends from insisting on another movie night to ease everyone from the obvious issues going on between you and Shawn lately.

“You promise you didn’t invite him?” you asked Geoff, who was currently sitting across from you on the couch of his apartment. He knew you were obviously referring to Shawn and was quick to reassure you.

“I swear I didn’t, but don’t you think that things would be so much better if the two of you just talked things out?”

“Hmm, let me think for a second,” you perched your hands under your chin as if you were actually considering Geoff’s question.

“Last time I checked, the most recent time Shawn and I tried to talk, he ran out of the room,” you bitterly stated, shaking out the memories from the night of Charlie’s album release party. You couldn’t help but still be slightly upset over the whole situation despite your efforts to get over the whole catastrophe.

Before Geoff could say anything else, you already moved from your seat off of the grey suede couch and headed for the stairs. “I’m gonna go upstairs and change into something more comfortable. Let me know when Brian and Matt get here,” You called over your shoulder before climbing up the stairs.

As you rounded into the restroom to change, you pulled out the hoodie that you stuffed in your bag earlier before heading to Geoff’s. Your hand stopped mid-motion as you realized the hoodie you had chosen, scolding yourself when it became very apparent you had brought Shawn’s olive green crossfit hoodie. He had let you barrow it with the chilly fall weather approaching, and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t your favorite hoodie to wear. Debating for a few seconds before deciding to put it on, you made a mental note to return the hoodie to Shawn soon.

Just as you had tied up your hair in a messy bun a few minutes later, you heard voices at the door meaning Matt or Brian must’ve arrived.

Pulling on your fuzzy socks, you walked down the stairs to see who was at the door, but when you saw a particular six-foot-guitar-playing boy named Shawn, an uneasy feeling rose to your stomach.

What was he doing here?

Deciding to stay at the top of the stairs, you crossed your fingers that he’d be leaving soon.

“Please, just let me talk to her!” you heard your bestfriend exclaim to Geoff.

“Dude I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. She seemed pretty upset after the last time you tried to talk to her.” Geoff tried to defend.

“Please, I just need to see her face agai-” but before Shawn could finish his sentence, you interrupted him and Geoff’s conversation from the top of the stairs.

“It’s okay Geoff, is it okay if I talk to Shawn?”

“Are you sure? Uh, I mean, yeah, go ahead,” Geoff answered confusedly as he let Shawn in.

You headed back upstairs gesturing for Shawn to follow as you found a quiet place for the two of you to talk. Taking a deep breath, you played in your mind all of the times you’d imagine this conversation to go.

“So that’s where my hoodie went,” Shawn chuckled as you turned around to face him. 

A pink blush rose to your face, but you were quick to explain yourself. “U-Uh yeah, sorry about that. I can give it back to you,” you insisted as you tugged at the hoodie’s bottom.

“No,” Shawn’s voice raised, startling you. “No, you can keep it. It looks better on you than it ever did on me,” he smiled while scratching the back of his head.

Nodding, you reminded yourself why the two of you were here in the first place.

“I’m just going to make this short and sweet for the both of us, Shawn. Why?” Bitterness and anger soon overcame you, and it was pretty obvious that you were still holding a slight grudge.

“Plea-” Shawn tried to calm you down, but you weren’t having any of it.

“Just stop, Shawn. Just tell me the truth.” you bluntly stated, letting Shawn know that you were tired of running in circles.

Soon enough, Shawn’s hand and body was covering the window you were peering through, forcing you to turn your gaze to him.

He took a deep breath before he explained.

“I like you, okay? There, I said it!” Shawn was on the verge of yelling. Shock didn’t even explain the way your bestfriend’s confession made you felt, and suddenly the hoodie and fuzzy socks you were wearing didn’t make you feel as warm anymore. You opened your mouth to compensate for the silence, but Shawn stopped you.

“Actually, I think I love you. I don’t even think you know how long I’ve felt this way. I don’t think you know how hard it is to be with you every day without telling you. And every time I thought you felt the same, just in the slightest degree, you just friend zone me again!” Shawn stopped for a second to breath, allowing your muddled mind to soak in all of his words. “I just couldn’t tell you this after I found out you and Charlie were a thing. I’d hate myself more than I already do if I ruined that relationship too.” His voice lowered to a whisper, regret lacing each of Shawn’s words.

You were slowly but surely soaking in his words, stunned to say the least.

“I thought getting a girlfriend would help me get over it. I thought if I cut you out, I wouldn’t be in love with my bestfriend anymore. It obviously didn’t work, because here I am again, coming back to you,” Shawn rambled. 

You could hear his heart beating through his chest, and in that moment, you could only hug him. You might’ve been mad, but you missed him more than anything. He instantly hugged back, bringing your face into his chest to hear his furious heart beats. 

Your dry throat didn’t let you utter out any words. Shawn, your bestfriend, just confessed his feelings for you, but you knew you couldn’t tell him the same back. Shawn was right: you never saw him as anything but a friend, and you couldn't help but pity him.

“Please, I know I fucked up, but give me a chance, fuck-  just say something, anything,” Shawn begged.

“I-I,” you tried to start. Seconds passed, and you still couldn’t form a coherent sentence.

“Fuck, I’m sorry for dumping all of this shit and my problems on you. Uh, just forget I said anything,” he quickly searched for your eye contact.

Clutching your bestfriend’s shoulder’s, you tried to shake him out of his worries. “Shawn, calm down. I forgive you. I’m still here, and I’m not going to leave you because of this. I’ll always be there for you. People make mistakes, and I get it.” you soothed his worries, your eyes begging for him to calm down.

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much,” you were wrapped in another strong hug by Shawn.

You smiled knowing that you had your bestfriend back, and suddenly, your grudge and anger against him slipped away as the seconds passed. You weren’t sure where your sudden change in attitude towards Shawn came from, but you weren’t upset that you were forgiving him so easily. Inhaling his scent, the two of you stood in each other’s embrace, making up for all of the lost time since the blowout. Time seemed to stop all at once, but the moment was soon cut off when he pulled away.

“So, everything’s good now, right?” Shawn asked, still not sure if you had completely forgiven him.

“I mean, things might not be the same as before, but yea...” Your answer wavered into the open air.

Sensing another awkward moment approaching, you instantly tried to cut through the growing tension.

“Hey, let’s get out of here. We’re having a movie night with Brian and Matt if you’re down. We have a lot of catching up to do, y’know? It’s hard to keep up with a rock star these days,” you tried joking, Shawn laughing at your effort of lightening the situation.

“I think I’m gonna stay in here for a little while. I just need to clear my mind,” Shawn moved his stare from you to his feet.

Nodding, you understood why he’d need time alone. He just poured out his emotions and feelings for you, but you both knew that your heart was with someone else.

There was another moment of pure silence before the next sentence was spoken.

“You know that I’ll always be at your side right? Like if things don’t work out between you and Charlie, I’ll be here waiting.” Shawn nervously scratched the back of his head again. “I’d wait until I die if I have to,” you heard him murmur.

You knew without a doubt that you weren’t supposed to hear the last part, but you nodded your head in comprehension nonetheless.

Giving Shawn another hug to reassure his doubts, you made your way to the door.

“One more thing,” you heard Shawn clear his throat right before your hand touched the cold metal doorknob.

“Yes?” you confusedly answered.

Shawn paused for a moment as you took a step away from the door and closer to him.

“A-Are you happy?” he stuttered. You could see the tears surfacing to his brown eyes and the sight itself almost brought you to tears as well.

You raised your eyebrows before he elaborated.

“Y’know, with him?” Shawn timidly yet anxiously asked, referring to Charlie.

It took you a split second to think how you wanted to answer this question, but you knew there was no way around it. There was no point in lying, and so you used the only word you knew how to describe how happy you were.

“Extremely,” you replied barely above a whisper,  leaving Shawn alone in the same room you just broke his heart in.

[pcurrytravels]

Las Vegas - A Love Hate Thang (Chapter II: The Ultimate Paradox)

Something I’ve noticed about my hometown: This place really thrives off of paradoxes and oxymorons. 

Our outlook? Perpetually stuck in the future (*points at the innumerable mothballed construction sites dotting our local landscape*). Our attitude? Perpetually stuck in the past (You know, it would have been a good idea to start diversifying our local economy after how hard we were hit by the recession, but instead we went right back to putting all of our eggs in the tourism, gaming, nightlife and real estate industries)

Our demographics (in just about every area imaginable) look like gumbo these days. But don’t hold your breath on that explosion of flavors you were expecting, because culture-wise? We still taste like chicken noodle soup. 

“Minors are not to be anywhere near the slots, alcohol, nightclubs or any of the other sinful stuff!” Is that right? Then explain why all of the movie theaters, bowling alleys, video arcades and even high school graduations are located within casinos please.

“We have so much love for our local community!” Yeah, you speak so highly of us when the “needs” of tourists, conventioneers, celebrities and, well, literally everyone except the city’s residents are fulfilled first, effectively rendering us as second-class citizens within our own city. 

None of these things sound like they make any sense, do they? Welcome to Las Vegas baby!

I could come up with numerous examples to be honest. I mean, I have lived here for nearly my whole life, so I think I can talk, but the paradox I personally find the most disturbing is this: We love to act like we’re this world class, progressive and forward-thinking metropolitan area on par with places like NYC and L.A. when the truth of that matter is, we’re essentially an overgrown Western hick town that just so happens to have a giant theme park for adults in the middle, a lot of traffic, some fancy houses and more diversity than usual. 

When I first went to San Francisco back in 2011, I was in awe. There were so many things that shocked and caught me off guard.....in a good way. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say they were all things that I KNOW would never fly here in Vegas, and yet we’re supposed to be “Sin City.” (And, although I didn’t see much of it myself during my excursions to these places, some of the people in this thread from Quora are saying that even NYC and LA are more lenient about a lot of these “sinful” things than we are these days. Can’t say I’d doubt it)

Yes, we are Sin City in terms of gambling and sports betting, alcohol, tobacco and now marijuana consumption, sex-related entertainment and services (and even then it’s all so sanitized and PG-13 these days it barely even qualifies), quickie marriage/divorce and a history with organized crime. Beyond that, however? Let’s just say we have a lot more in common with Arizona and Mississippi than we do with Amsterdam. 

Remember how in the first chapter of this series I told you all that I felt it was best to keep my thoughts and feelings about Las Vegans in general to myself? Okay, let me give you a tiny little sample: When talking to the typical Las Vegan, you’re more likely to be treated to the stereotypical thought process of either a flyover country redneck, a resident of a southern small town or a suburban high school student than you are that of someone who resides in a city with a global presence. Odd as it may seem, especially when this place’s international influence is taken into account, believe me, tis’ true. 

Having to constantly deal with such a smug, judgmental, provincial, insular and occasionally, dare I say it, behind the times populace is already exasperating enough on its own, but this is only further complicated by the relentless insistence that we aren’t. Not at all to say such a mindset is ever okay (nor am I saying that EVERYONE in these types of locales thinks and/or behaves in this manner), but at least towns and cities in flyover country, the old west and the deep south are HONEST about being stuck in their narrow-minded and prejudicial ways. 

Vegas on the other hand takes part in a charade wherein an image of being a forward-thinking and cosmopolitan metropolis is played up only to turn around and gag at the thought of actually embracing those same progressive ideals and values when no one’s looking. (Meta-Tangent: Mind you, we actually do have most of the ingredients to be that type of city already. The things we’re missing come as a result of having a populace that’s insistent on talking the talk but not walking the walk) Although I certainly don’t agree with it, I can at least respect the former to a point, compared to the latter which is just annoying, frustrating, and doesn’t make any damn sense. In layman’s terms, we’re total latte liberals. 

.......okay, maybe it’s not THAT bad. (Hey, this is called a “Love Hate Thang,” remember?)

There are certain pockets that are slowly evolving into the sort of environment that reminds me of SF and LA where things are more laid back and “free” if you will. See: DTLV/East Fremont, 18b Arts District, The Naked City, Huntridge, Winchester, the “Central” East Side if that makes sense, Charleston Heights, West Sahara (for the Las Vegans reading this: sounds general AF, I know), the Fruit Loop/Harmon Corridor, the University District, Paradise Palms/Maryland Parkway Corridor and (to a lesser extent) Chinatown/Asiatown. 

The rest of the city and the suburbs on the other hand leave quite a bit to be desired in the department of open-mindedness in my not so humble opinion. So it should be no surprise that I spend nearly all of my time in the aforementioned neighborhoods these days. I feel much closer to my element in these places than I do even in my home neighborhood/suburb of Spring Valley, most of which I don’t even touch with a ten foot pole ever since moving away. 

Meta-Tangent: Having grown up in Spring Valley and the Western suburbs, I know from experience that most people out there are DEATHLY afraid of venturing into any of these areas. A lot of it has to do with the perceived danger of them, despite all the evidence to the contrary (I know, I know, pretty general article, but given that I live here, I can tell ya: these murders, robberies, violent and sexual assaults have been occurring EVERYWHERE. However, a large amount of residents as well as our local media would be insistent in having you believe it’s all taking place Downtown or in the long-maligned northern, eastern and central portions of the city/metro area).

On the other hand, there’s also a lot of people who condescendingly put these parts of the city down just because they’re old, even though those horrible old houses they’re talking about are actually of far better aesthetic quality and much more structurally sound. Meanwhile, these same snobs are living in cheaply-built, cookie-cutter homes that were probably slapped together in a week and will likely start falling apart in five years. 

As for my honest opinion? These are only half-truths. I know for a fact that a lot of them are just being low-key racist and high-key classist/elitist. I also have a pretty strong theory that the strong hatred, fear and/or disdain people in the western suburbs have for these areas is because they know it’s a different world from the provincial, suburban bubbles they choose to live in. Oh well, that’s fine by me. Let those of us who actually are forward-thinking and progressive have all the fun. /tangent over.

Truth be told, none of this should really come as a surprise if you take a deeper look into this city’s history. Although, eschewing the thousand year legacy of the Paiutes, the modern-day origins of Las Vegas can be traced to Spaniards; being along the Old Spanish Trail and even being named “The Meadows” in Spanish due to the abundance of grassy meadows, hot springs and rivers in the area back then (all of which have long disappeared thanks to urbanization), the first permanent settlement here was a fort built by Mormon missionaries. 

That’s right, “Sin City” owes it’s existence to the same people with a stance on women that’s perpetually stuck in the 19th century, have beliefs that not-so-subtly imply black people are afflicted by the curse of Cain and wear very prudish undergarments (although the whole polygamy thing is probably what we have to thank for our quickie marriage/divorce culture). On top of that, while hidden from the naked eye, Mormons still have an active influence on the politics and overall society of this city with some very vocal moral guardians, always letting themselves be heard when things get “too” sinful. 

Oh, another thing: In the early/mid-20th century there was a place that was known as the Mississippi of The West. Where do you think it was? Utah? Arizona? Nope! It was right here in Nevada. They really did go hard with the Jim Crow thing here back in the day. Why, Sammy Davis Jr. couldn’t even walk through or have a drink in the same casinos where he performed to rave audiences for goodness sake. Now, that level of injustice and segregation is unheard of nowadays, but there’s many lingering signs of this era that can still be felt. They’re subtle, but they’re there. (Psst! The mascot of our local university was originally a confederate soldier. Seriously. In more recent years he’s been made to look like a cowboy instead but still)

Lastly, we grew from a small town in the desert where people from California and the Midwest came to gamble and watch showgirls to a rapidly growing metro area which plays host to a world-renowned resort, nightlife and fine dining destination that attracts people from all over the world. Almost literally overnight. Just about any Vegas native born before the late nineties can tell you stories of playing in the desert as a kid, including yours truly. All of us can remember when that housing development, Walmart, school, park, or whatever was a vacant lot. In turn, despite the growth, this leads to a fairly large portion of natives who are very much stubbornly stuck in their small town ways, many of whom are insistent on teaching their ways to their offspring unfortunately. 

The ingredients and the potential. We already have it. In terms of demographics, we’re a total melting pot. We’re located in one of the nine states where recreational cannabis use is legal and the only one where prostitution is legal (even though it’s not allowed in our county for whatever strange, puritanical reason). We have all the makings of a sexually-liberated, alternative/counterculture/subculture/generally non-conformist paradise. There is a growing and active community of creatives. And yet, a lot of this growth in the realm of free-thinking is borderline stunted thanks to the Mormon influence, the Mississippi-esque history and the small town attitude.

Alas, even though Vegas may be living proof that a  physical city can grow and change overnight, culture and community are two things that can’t change overnight, no matter how you slice or dice it. I regularly find myself pining for the Vegas of my childhood during the nineties; when it was far larger than a town but barely a city. I’d also love to experience Vegas during the 60s, 70s and 80s (minus the racism part, obviously), but at the end of the day, these are just frivolous ideologies. A more substantial wish would be that the local attitude and mindset finally catches up with the rapid population growth, urban development and all of the related side effects. My fondness for the neighborhoods listed above is a direct result of this desire I have. They represent what I wish all of Vegas could be.

As a new age and generation comes into play, perhaps this wish will be reality one day soon. Until next time. 

[yurio-plisetksy]

Words: Yuri Plisetsky x Reader

Request:  Something sweet and innocent with introverted and "cold hearted" reader who never told Yurio before that she loves him even though they're dating for long time and he wants to do something to make her say it, please? Sorry for any grammar errors

A/N: I’m back! Get ready for a shit ton of imagines, because school is done and so am I with school. Enjoy!

The snow crunched under the pressure of Yuri’s feet. Clouds of mist escaped his lips every time he exhaled, as if smoke had filled his lungs even though it was just the cold night air. The scarf around his neck couldn’t prevent the tip of his nose to turn red, and he placed the back of his glove covered hands against his cheeks to warm them up.

 It was already dark out, and even though he knew you hated when he walked alone at a time like this, it wouldn’t stop him from doing so. If that meant he was able to see you, he would walk through pitch black alleys that smelled like drunk escapades and cigarettes.

 Something had been bothering him for a while, a thought at the back of his mind that was gnawing at his conscience. Itching at his insecurities to form a rash of negative thoughts. Lately he felt like you were distancing from him, slowly building a wall to isolate yourself.

You had been dating for 3 years now, and it had been the happiest and most fulfilled years since he could remember. You were the true definition of positivity, even though from outsiders it could seem a little different. You preferred to keep to yourself and only talked when asked to. Of course, Yuri was an exception.

 The first time he told you he loved you was one and a half year ago. You went on a small vacation together, and he told you over dinner how he actually felt about you. That was also the moment his insecurity developed itself. You responded with a bright smile and a kiss on his cheek, but didn’t return the words at all. Not even something close. It was a silent “Thank you, but I don’t return those feeling.” and it formed an ache in his heart.

 This evening he had something planned which he hoped was enough to make you say it. The key hidden in the pocket of his black skinny jeans had gotten warm from being cramped in his sweaty palm. He was very nervous and had no idea how you would react to his offer.

 He pulled it out of his pocket as he stood before your front door. He could already hear footsteps coming closer, and after a few seconds it was unlocked. You pulled it open and smiled at your boyfriend, quickly telling him to come in since it was way too cold to stay out. Your apartment was warm the heat hit Yuri in the face like a splash of water in summer. He smiled in relief at the warmth against his face, and you chuckled as he visibly relaxed.

 “You shouldn’t be out at a time like this, Yura. You know I don’t like it.” Yuri already expected you to mention the time of his arrival. He shrugged it off, and draped his coat over the armchair as he entered the living room. There was a book upside down on the small coffee table, and a mug with steam rising from the hot liquid, most likely a tropical fruit flavored tea, which was your favorite.

 “If it means spending time with you, I don’t mind.” You rolled your eyes at him, knowing how stubborn he could be. You waved him off, telling him to sit in the living room as you made him some coffee. He could hear your footsteps against the marble tiles in the kitchen, and rummaging in cabinets. His hand dipped into the pocket of his black jeans, pulling out the small key and inspecting it in the palm of his hand. He sighed and wrapped his fingers tightly around it.

 His mind was clouded with thoughts. The small metal object meant so much, even though it didn’t look that important. Why was he being so hesitant to give it to you? He stared at his palm, till he was snapped back to reality as you placed a cup of steaming coffee on the table in front of him. His head snapped up towards you, and smiled, thanking you as he pulled you next to him on the couch.

 You chuckled, and filled the empty spot beside him to curl up against the skater. He protectively wrapped an arm around you and averted his gaze to the screen, on which you were searching a movie both of you could watch together. You obviously noticed how dazed Yuri seemed. You never talked much, but Yuri on the other hand always liked to ramble on about everything and nothing. But today he was unusually quiet.

 You glanced up at him, seeing that he was just staring straight ahead, caught up in his own thoughts. You sat up just slightly, so you could turn his gaze towards you. He jumped slightly as you cupped his jaw and tilted his head. 

“Yuri… what’s going on?” You asked him, your voice calm and controlled, but filled with concern. Yuri shrugged, hesitating if he should ask you or wait a bit longer.

 But as he was thinking, his hand had already slipped in his pocket, eager to hand you the key. So he swallowed thickly, pulled it out and opened his palm to reveal the key. You stared at it, still unsure of what he wanted to say. You looked back up at him, and raised an eyebrow, giving him a look of confusion.

 “Y/n… I want you to…” He paused mid-sentence, grabbed your wrist and placed the key into your palm. It finally hit you once the key fell into your palm. Your eyes widened, and mouth fell agape in a shocked but happy expression.

 “... move in with me.” He finished. You looked up at him, and tackled him to the couch within a few seconds. Yuri chuckled as you pecked him several times, telling him how excited you were and that you couldn’t wait. You pulled away, and stated that the expression in Yuri’s eyes hadn’t changed. You looked at him, leaned down, and left a lingering kiss on his soft lips.

 “Thank you, Yuri. It means a lot…” He nodded, wrapping an arm around you, and proceeded to sit a little more up right. His body language showed hesitancy and you didn’t know if you should confront him about it. Even after asking you to move in with him, there was clearly something wrong.

“Yuri, talk to me. Something is bothering you.” You spoke, running a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck, feeling how tense he was underneath your fingertips. A heavy sigh fell from his lips, which seemed almost as heavy as the problem he was dealing with.

“Y/n… how do you feel about me?” He asked you, uncertainty laced in his voice as he refused to let his eyes meet yours and preferred to stay concentrated on his hands. You blinked at his question, having mixed emotions about what was going on. He wanted to move in with you, but the question he asked just a second ago sounded like he was doubting your relationship.

“I care a lot about you, you know that… maybe I don’t show it that often but you know how I am….” He nodded at your words, still not convinced as you explained your reasons. You looked at his face, cupped his cheeks and tilted his head so he was forced to meet your gaze. You furrowed your eyebrows in attempt to convince him to tell you what he wanted to hear. There was something hidden at the back of his throat, refusing himself from spilling his true thoughts.

“I feel like…. I don’t know if… You don’t love me.” Your heart skipped a beat, and not because of happiness, but because of pure disappointment in yourself. Had you not shown him what he meant to you. Did you never gave him the feeling of being loved… You swallowed thickly, opened your mouth but only exhaled slowly.

“You never told me you did… and even now you still don’t tell me. I’m sorry if I can’t be someone you can love…” You stared at him, leaned in and poked his cheek with your pinky. He raised an eyebrow at you, somewhat angered that you didn’t seem to take this seriously. You shook your head, now tapping at his forehead with your pointer finger.

“After 3 years, you still think I don’t love you because I haven’t told you?” He let your words sink in before raising an eyebrow. His eyes lightened up a little bit, and he seemed to get the point.

“I thought I already showed how much you mean to me. The mornings we spend together and the lazy evenings when we watched black and white horror movies while stuffing our faces…. Those are the moments I only would want to share with someone as amazing as you…” A breathless chuckle fell from your lips, your mood slightly lifted as you noticed Yuri’s frown had faltered and a gentle smile made its way up his face.

“But if you want me to say it…” You leaned towards him like you did before, moved his hair out of the way to leave a gentle peck on the shell of his ear.

“I love you, Yuri Plisetsky, with all my heart, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you…” He didn’t know if your words caused goosebumps to cover the surface of his skin, or the fact that your hot breath tickled against his ear. Either way, you just told him what he had been dying to know. He smiled brightly, a smile that was now forever captured and stored in the back of your mind. You returned the smile, cupped his jaw and pecked his cheek,.

“I love you too, Y/n…”

“I’m gonna redecorate your whole apartment.”

“Don’t even think about it.”

[ns-cookie]

(Halloween Special!) Small Date For You~

Sixth Story (Halloween Special!) (Small Date For You~) 

Song: Drafty-Places

Time: 3 Hours 12 Minutes

Word Count: 1489

Summary: Akira told this cute paramedic that they should go out on a date. Place she chose, no one will notice. She also warned him how she’ll use magic to switch her gender. The place, Avery was surprised to be at this place. More so that Ak- Well, Kendrick now, wanted to even come. Let’s just say, Kendrick had a small reason to come. 

Warning: Romanticized Noncon Role Play?, Triggering Avery Real Bad, Dirty Talk In A Weird, Different Way, Abandon Hospital, Gender Swap Oc, Oc x Oc, Maybe Ghost Screwing Someone (Mentions Of It), Guy x Guy, Choking. Akira is a demon, so she can change her gender and appearance any time she wants to. Sorry if it’s a little OOC. 

Avery belongs to @slashesotron, a demo I played inspired me so I hope you like this!

When Avery first learned the love of his life, Akira, was actually a demon. He was, of course, shocked as hell to even know this. When she even found where his apartment is, and how she appeared on him….nude...arousing him early in the morning. He loves hearing her moan- despite how he felt that day, it’s still a surprise to even know that something he thought was a myth, to actually exist. 

Well, this one decided to have a famous life. Luckily, she tried to make it work for people to not notice when she’s with Avery. Mostly because she would change her appearance for him and also they can go out at night on dates. This is one of those nights, he also didn’t mind, somewhat getting used to it now. 

Now he’s with his love, Kendrick, who was leading him somewhere. He didn’t tell him, nor gave him any hints as to where they are going. All he knows is, Kendrick is holding his hand and kissing it every time. “It isn’t a long walk.” Is what he told him earlier. Avery was curious where they are going, but he loves surprises, especially from his beloved. 

“Were here!” Kendrick declared Avery's eyes widen at the place thereat. It was a hospital, but it seemed like it was deserted. “It’s an abandoned hospital I found! You told me how you like horror movies, so, I figured you’ll like this.” Kendrick sends him a warm smile, his thumb rubbing over Avery’s hand slowly. 

Avery sent him a smile back. “I do, hope you can handle it.” 

“Oh, I will! Let’s go!”

Avery didn’t know if he told Kendrick this or he figured this out on his own. That if he wasn’t famous, this cute blonde was going to bring him to a hospital-like this and uh, let’s just say. He was gonna make sure Kendrick loved him and didn’t wanna leave him. This was nice though, he’s able to be with his precious Kendrick, Akira, etc, can call this demon anything. He’s just happy to be dating him. 

The two make their way inside the building. Kendrick glanced around in wonder, wow, this place sure is creepy. Kendrick so happened to have a flashlight on him, a small one they can use to guide them. 

The hospital having mold, fungus growing on the walls. Lights looking broken, some rusty medical equipment on the ground...and in some of the walls? Ugh, you can practically smell medical waste and dried up blood surrounding this place. A little strange for a date spot but, if Kendrick loves it, he does as well. 

This is a creepy setting he’d love to think about. A nice dream he’ll have later. 

Avery can just imagine all the accidents that could’ve happened here. “Rumor has it, that a doctor that joined them six months before it shut down. He would go down to the basement to cut up most of his patients.” 

“Wh-What?” A rather peculiar thing to even say. Why would Kendrick mention-

“Imagine all those poor patients, waking up in a dark, creepy basement. The only thing they recall is their doctors face, then that same doctor flashes a small light over them. Just to push the scalpel down on their soft, smooth skin.” Avery felt his cheeks heating up a little as he listened to Kendrick explain this rumor. 

“Try and think about all that blood being splattered, people walking around on the upper floors. Not being able to hear what he’s doing. Or she, no one told me the gender.” Kendrick shrugs a little, looking back at the path their walking in. Not even noticing Avery was blushing. “...I-Is there any more to this rumor?” 

“Oh? You wish to hear more of it?” Kendrick couldn’t help but have a small smirk danced across his face. He knows what he’s doing, wanting to arouse Avery in a place such as this. This just screams creepy, spine chilling vibes that he’ll love. “What should I mention? Them screaming and people couldn’t hear it? How no one suspected him until he went mad and shot up the place?” 

“Oh look~” Kendrick went to a wall, hand placing on it. He rubbed over a hole, that looked so much like a bullet hole….

“You know what would be really scary?” Kendrick cocked his head to the side, with an innocent-looking smile. As if what he’s about to say is something lighthearted and not really all that scary.

“What would be, Kendrick?” “If there were actual apparition's here!” His smiles stretch a little. Avery doesn’t know how he should feel about that. Ghost? Here? Well, if the rumors were true. Then possibly, their spirits could be lingering here. 

“But, what if those ghosts were upset still? Their lives were short-lived by a certain doctor. They could be watching us.” He shuffled around Avery, quietly so he wouldn’t even notice. He even put the flashlight in his pocket so Avery couldn’t see him. 

“That wouldn’t be good, but...are they real?” 

“Very real,” Kendrick whispered now. “What if they come up behind us? Find us to be good little play toys, but not for torture. No, pin you to the wall, strip you as one forces itself on you. And some decide to strip me and make you watch as they take me. It’s hard to even see a ghost so you’ll be seeing me float up. Moaning and crying from the unwanted pleasure.”

“I can’t do anything, not even use my magic if I wanted to. They pull my hair, slap me, making me scream and cry as they keep forcing their none existent cock in me. I can’t see it, but I can really, really, feel it~” He purred out from behind Avery in a cold whisper. His breath lingering on his neck as he continued to try and get a rise over him. 

Avery bit his bottom lip. The thought does enrage him a little, picturing Kendrick bent over mid-air. Tears and saliva dripping from his face, on to the nasty, unclean floor their walking on. Leaving marks that Avery will be able to see, having him remember every time they make love. 

Haunting Avery, making him wish to leave more to cover up those. Even if it means leaving Kendrick in pain from how he saw blood ripplets down his once unmarked skin.

Avery sighed out a pant that wanted to leave his mouth. He felt hot, he really did from this. “I wonder if they can try and break my arm-” 

Once that left his mouth, Avery quickly spun around quickly, a hand shot to his partner’s throat and slammed him back against the wall. A gasp would’ve left his mouth if it wasn’t covered by a mouth smashed against his own. 

The blonde’s other hand tug at his pants, undoing it already and yanks it down. “A-Av-” Kendrick tried to speak but was cut off when he squeezed his throat. Gulping a little, Avery turned him around. Making Kendrick bend over for him, hand still clamped around his throat. 

“They need to know that your mine.” A growl left his mouth, making Kendrick shiver from this. “O-Oh Av-” He gasped when feeling something slam in him. Whimpering a little for not being prepped for this, it hurts a little. The fact that Avery started moving when Kendrick was trying to say how he isn’t ready just yet. 

Trying to keep a firm grip on the wall from the fast pace, to his hand squeezing his throat more. He felt a little tired. This demon, he couldn’t keep his eyes open for long. “A-Avery~” He closed them, letting him screw him as his world was slowly fading a little. He knows he’ll let go soon, he just loves being choked and making Avery a little mad~

//Side Note: This meant to be a short story, but, then this happened. Hope you like!

[theo-westenberger]

Moving In, an essay on returning to my body after helping my mother leave hers

Contributed by Christy Hartman, 2017

Photo by Rachel Hamburg

I remember my first bee sting. I was stung mid-air as a chorus of lifeguards blew their whistles signaling the end of break. The bee got stuck between my toes, freaked out and stung me. It happened all at once. The jumping and falling, the shrill whistle, hot skin hitting cold water and burning needle-like pain. I remember the stinger stayed between my toes and only came out when someone dug it out with a needle. It could only have been her, my mother. When my mom told me that the cancer in her breasts had spread to her lungs, we spent hours on the phone pipe-dreaming. Should we buy one house or two houses in the same town? We both really value independence, but she wanted to live close enough to spend time with my kids. The kids she was hoping to live long enough to meet. She dictated what features she would want in her new car: reliable, colorful, absolutely no brown interior. I began spending hours on craigslist trying to find the perfect everything. 

Mom’s Gloves

One day, without much warning, she bought a plane ticket and I had to tell my  housemates that my mother and her oxygen machine would be crashing indefinitely in my room in our queerdo house. I wasn’t ready, but she said her body told her not to wait. In the emergency room on the day she moved to California, the doctor showed us her x-rays. Her cancer was stage 4. After hearing the extent of her diagnosis, she said in jet-lagged, crestfallen disbelief, “Wow- so-  this is it?”

I have a magnet on my refrigerator. It is a little girl looking out at the ocean. That world is hopeful, composed. It is dark outside but the stars are shining. Nobody can see her face. She is far away, reflecting the seemingly endless horizon. At night in our new house, two small rooms rented from a friend, I would enter her room. My mom would roll onto her belly and pull her shirt up for me to rub frankincense on her back. This time felt intimate, sacred. Often the window would be open and cool air and cricket music joined us. I warmed my hands with my mouth before making contact with her skin, rubbing sweeping circles over her lungs and the enlarged lymph nodes under her armpits. I was afraid of touching her more intimately but I knew the day was coming when it would be necessary. I felt afraid that I would make her uncomfortable because I was uncomfortable. When her breathing and mobility got worse, I sat down and wrote what kind of experience I wanted my mom to have.  I was determined to give her a good death. I needed something short and simple to guide me. A mantra for my frayed heart. Dignity, without shame.

Rise. Check on her. Short conversation. Prepare incredibly detailed Budwig diet breakfast. Deliver. More conversation. Meds. Breakfast for me. Help her change clothes. Help her move downstairs. Adjust oxygen. More conversation on the staircase. Find a movie for her to watch. Make lunch. Adjust oxygen. Get something for her from upstairs. Continue making lunch. Get something else from upstairs. Deliver lunch. She requests Chipotle instead. Dignity, without shame. Adjust oxygen. Get something else from upstairs. Text your friend, forget to hit send. Help her to the bathroom. Conversation on the stairwell, she can’t go any further. Deliver leftover Chipotle to her on the stairs. Bring her a paper towel. Bring her a pillow. Read her Pema Chodron. Get myself dressed. Breathe. She is resting in the stairwell, staring up at the ceiling. Go to the kitchen and wash dishes. Notice there is a world outside. The sight of the sky is shocking. Feel ashamed that my mother is convalescing in the stairwell. Maybe people with money don't die like this. I notice the farmer’s tan on her pale feet, her heels weathered from a summer of gardening. Toes still painted salmon pink. She liked to make the extra effort to keep her nails painted just in case she met someone. She was still hoping someone would fall in love with her. Eat some food. It has no flavor. She wants some fruit and asks for three strawberries. Bring her three strawberries. She has been a grateful and gracious patient and she makes me feel like I won the World Series when she sees the plump red fruit. Wonder how long I can do to this. Never allow that thought to land. 

I see my arms outstretched and I feel like the ends of myself are far away.

They're touching stars.

Only they don't warm me.

They burn me. 

I imagine I am made of paper.

And when I hug myself I ignite. 

My mother no longer needs her favorite underwear. I don't know what to do with them. They make me emotional. I photograph them and put them in the garbage can. The one by the curb, so I won't fish them back out. I hear them in there whimpering that night. Used to love and gentle touch, now surrounded by coffee grounds and cat shit.

She spends her second to last night on Earth throwing up strawberries. I alternate between comforting her and sleeping. Her breathing becomes loud, animal. She is suffering and I am tired. In the morning I feel ashamed when I see that the oxygen tubes have slid part-way off her nose and the tip of her nose has turned blue. Around 10AM, our hospice nurse John arrives. He gives me a look and we leave the room. John tells me that she probably isn’t going to communicate with us again. I nod. We re-enter the room and give her a full body massage with frankincense and grapeseed oil. John tucks her shirt down from where it has bunched up around her ribs. He lifts up her torso and gently massages her back. “Do you like that Elise?” He asks turning his face towards hers. Her eyes are closed. She smiles. “Yeah. I like that.” They are her last words.  

After she stops breathing, I climb into bed with her, still holding her hand and go to sleep. When I wake up the sun has come up and her body is much cooler. Her jaw has relaxed and her eyes are open. She looks dreamy and at ease. I take off her clothes and wash her whole body with a wash cloth. I decide to dress her in blue silk pajamas. I put on her makeup, which seems silly, but it also seems silly not to do it right one last time. I arrange her hands over her abdomen and straighten the legs of her pajama pants. When everything feels done I close the door and wait for the men who will come and take her. I spend much of the first year after her death wondering when my body will fail. I begin touching my breasts for lumps. Rubbing them. Admiring them. I decide to appreciate them while I still have them. I sign up for a burlesque class. It feels obscene to take a class on strip tease so close to my mother’s death. But I do it anyway. I feel that I have nothing left to lose, therefore I = unstoppable. I join half a dozen other women in a cold warehouse in rainy autumnal San Francisco and learn the correct way to apply carpet tape to pasties. When our class performs a couple months later, my mind goes blank I forget the moves, my body totally numb. I am smiling but it is pasted on, like the pink cardboard things on my nipples. I block out those four and a half minutes on stage, but the warmth from the well-seasoned women afterwards makes me feel connected. They welcome us to their ranks, as one naked organism.

I decide to start treating myself the way I wanted my dying mother to be treated. Dignity, without shame.  I decide to stand taller, grounded in the earth, shoulders back, glitter-covered breasts held high. A year later I start seeing a somatic therapist. I tell her that my body is still mostly just a human meat carriage that I drive around. I recently learned the word people use for this: disassociation. Isn't that what everybody does? No. You learned this to survive.   Much of my softening happens in the bathtub. Looking down the length of my nakedness, I can’t help but see my mother's body. Her white abdomen and tan legs jutting out. I imagine her farmer’s tan on my feet.  I am trying to take care of myself. My right nipple hurt this morning, throbbed when pushed, tender far-away cries. I soak it in salt water, allowing the solution to enter and exit the  piercing like water at a cave entrance. And usually I am a bit rougher, but this time I am gentle, merely swishing the ceramic cup suctioned over my breast.

Mom’s Faves

Christy Hartman is an artist who lives in Oakland, CA. She studied at the Salt Institute for Documentary Studies and overcame her fear of the dark at the age of 28.