#in a few days tho bc rn i'm fighting for my life with end of semester stuff

[italyveneziano]

Happy 10 year anniversary to the platonic America and England Lullaby For a Stormy Night AMV i made back in 2014 🥳

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas! I kinda needed a bit of advice so this is going to be a long rant

So last year there was a new girl at our school. I had just gotten over a crush, someone who I knew wouldn't like me back so I was pretty bored because what else can a queer teen girl do instead of fantasising about other girls. So when I saw her for the first time, she was reading a book. I thought she was new but I wasnt sure so I had to reconfirm. The next period turns out, she ended up in one of my language classes where she had to introduce herself.

Well, long story short (idk if ill survive) my best friend managed to make us sit together in another common class and that was the start of our friendship (i pined after her the WHOLE summer break because i was too shy to talk to her despite being an extrovert). We started texting and stuff So I established that i liked her and told her um one day before my besties birthday (pretty soon im excited) andddddddd guess whatttttttttttt. she rejected me. WEEEE

but one day in September i went to her art exhibition with my mom and our moms got to talking and i was still mad in love despite being rejected but anyway a day after that in school we had a small assembly about the lgbtqia+ community and how its okay to like girls, being in an all girls school so after that she texted me saying that she liked me and i FREAKED because i was so EXCITED welp. um. even tho she liked meeeeeeee we ended up in a situationship because she didnt wanna date and i was confused but didnt wanna force her

now my bestie has a theory which I directly quoted:

I think as a new girl, she wanted to make friends. And her best friend's nice, fine, whatever, but have you noticed that she rarely talks to your girlfriend once she's with her friends? Even your girlfriend must have. The point is, you were nice, kind, friendly. You wanted to be "friends" or so she first thought. It was a good friendship, and then you confessed. Our theory was that she didn't say that she liked you back then was because she didn't. Then you might've accidentally gone and done the thing where you avoid people, especially because you felt that you had ruined everything. So she confessed to not lose you. And then you ended up dating after whyever she didn't want to date was sorted out. She knew that you'd always treat her right and then she tried so it would be like a relationship. Then once you said you loved her, romantically, she knew you were going to be around. And then she eventually stopped trying. I think that she got attached to you at some point in time, and that's when the whole thing with the constant "I miss you"s started. The original basis of the theory was something we had discussed before, not you and me, but yeah, and I just elaborated with whatever information I've learnt today.

anyway most of my close friends disapproved of the relationship because she never reciprocated their efforts to get to know each other because both parties were going to be major parts of my life and never seemed to speak to me when they were around but i was blind and stupid and didnt listen to them and actually ended up ditching people to hangout with wonderful gf who said ok to dating 2 days after my bday

anyway so recently i been feeling like i wanna break up with her? so obv first person i go to is my best friend bc she's is the platonic loml and then she helps and we forget about it. mind you we're mid exams rn and like a few days ago i have had the nagging feeling i wanna breakup with her. bestie. my best friend makes me list out reasons and gets trauma dumped on.

basically I feel like we never have real conversations or communicate properly and it's always just kind of baby talk? even when it's serious, so like. yeah and then sometimes when i'm talking about my interests, she just goes "ew" and doesn't listen? and I help her when she fights with her best friend, but when I fight with mine she just replies "oh" and nothing else.

and the thing is we have very different schedules, but she always expects me to compromise on mine for hers like she stays up and I wake up early but she calls me late at night when i'm sleeping because "she missed me"??? she did this once on the day before a test and she knew that I wanted to get up early to revise. not to mention, she once also called my mom a psycho. yeah, so all of that and the fact that she never gave me gifts for our six month anniversary while I made her several boquets of paper flowers and shit I thought that maybe she didn't think we were doing that but I didn't get anything afterwards either. it's the same with gifts in general. and she doesn't really match my wild side or wants to do cliche coupley things that I want to do and I don't want to force her but I also really want to do them?

anyway i kinda got some shit going on in my life? and i kinda told gf that i may be emotionally unavailable but we'll talk about this after midterms. thing is. i may have told gf i wanna be friends but i dont actually now idk how to do damage control? But in my best friend's opinion it will just make shit more complicated and hurt both our feelings

idk what to do. everyone around me has biased opinions, so, yeah

Hi! <3

Okay, here's the thing. You're listening to everyone's opinion right now but your own. What do YOU want? Whatever you want, like really want, you need to decide that. And then you need to nicely tell your (ex)gf that. Because forcing your feelings for other peoples' benefit will only result in other people being hurt.

If you want to be with this girl, you need to communicate your feelings about her not being available enough. if you want space, you need to tell her that, too.

Either way, decide what YOU want, you know? Stop listening to others <3

naming you paper flower anon

[roobylavender]

I wrote this during my breakdown so I'm not actually crying rn jshshjs

Being in a desi family means no matter what I'll do for my parents, I know they will always choose my brother over me, well at least my father will. I will never get the justice I deserve as long as I live in this family. Sure, my mom tried for me but that only lasted 5 minutes at most before she gave up. Maybe she knew it will never happen so that's why. It still hurts tho. Only trying once and then never again. And instead preaching ME to not get on my brother's bad side. I really, really loathe living in this family. I loathe desi men. My parents will never raise their voice for me to my brother. They will never defend me as he continues to bully me whenever he wants to. And as I continue to type this as I cry, I know it's pointless. Tomorrow I will act like nothing happened and continue to please my father, as if I don't have this thoughts running through me everytime I talk to him. I will continue to talk to my mom as if I don't think how she will never fight for me even if I told her all of this. Because what is the point knowing it will cause a meaningless discourse in the family that will only last a few hours or a day at best and embarrassed myself. Knowing it will be me who will get lectured. And I'm not even crying because of my brother rn it's the fact knowing my parents never did, and never will fight for me. I might've forgave my brother if only my parents did something and he apologized. But they never did. Every day I loathe and love my parents. Being in a desi family sucks.

i want to apologize again for getting to this so late and while i am more than familiar with how this is unfortunately a perpetual, never-ending kind of deal, i really hope that today you’re feeling at least a little better than you were when you were typing this. i’m not sure how old you are but speaking from personal experience i really think the best outlet for any desi kid is to try to be independent as soon as possible. if your family can afford it go for an undergrad degree in a different city. keep connecting with people so your network provides you with opportunities to get out and get a job. prioritize financial stability so that you have the means to move out even if it’s into an apartment. it depends from family to family obv but sometimes there’s a point where some families will not change and you have to do what’s best for yourself and that’s okay. i think it’s easy for us to harbor a lot of guilt that we’re ungrateful if we don’t stick around and try to fix some of the baggage ourselves but what i’ve learned is that even if you want to try to fix the baggage you need to be in a mentally stable place to do so. living at home doesn’t necessarily facilitate that. and i don’t know what your thoughts on it would be personally but if from what i assume you’re a girl then i again would highly highly recommend doing whatever you can to forge financial independence for yourself. even if it means working a minimum wage job for now. i feel like in a lot of desi families there’s a tendency to look down on that sort of thing (odd, no?) but it’s really a vital developing experience all people and esp desi women should invest in. my lack of financial experience has hindered me in so many ways and kept me tied to a familial situation where i am often very unhappy. i love my parents very much but we have ideological and practical divides and we’re at a stage in life where we need our space from each other (and i imagine that’s true in your situation too) and yet i don’t have the means to execute it bc i’m still figuring my life out. it’s easier said than done obv but i think if you develop the conviction early to get your life in order and work towards creating your own space where you can control how you’re respected it will be worthwhile. the pain of your parents’ faults and inability to protect you is always going to sting and esp within desi families there’s a very deep trauma every child goes through when evaluating what their parents have or haven’t done for them. but that sting will hurt more when you’re completely at your parents’ mercy (and your brother’s, in this case). when they’re not in control anymore it will be easier to manage, and i really hope whatever your circumstances that you’re able to forge that path where your life is your own and you’re not bullied for existing within this familial structure. iA let me know if you ever want to vent again, my dms are open as well so if you want to talk more privately that’s welcome, too. love you lots 🤍

[appreciatingtokrev]

hello, i am happy that you're back and feeling better! ^^

er, i am a bit disappointed but since time had passed, i have realised it was the right move. that is sad but if both parties naturally drift apart, there is always a chance for it to rekindle later on even if it is years on in the future. but moving on does tend to be the less messer route despite it being hard.

i did that too for HSR, all players are probably guilty of that lol. i believe most fans prefer GI over HSR and there is a lot more GI contents on here. i've never played HI so i don't know the fight mechanics 😭

that sound like such a long system ;-; on my end, you could complete a five year degree (like medicine) and be finish before 24/25 or do a three years degree and a master on top before 23/24. at least you still have time to figure things out.

that is true and a part of koko probably died after the fire incident, he probably just needed mikey's approval to join though.

tbh, i just realised his colour palette (outfit/appearance) is really nice too and does contrast xiao's one. maybe, browse online for inspiration? or go to the hair salon and ask the staff? i did that for dying my hair, they said i need to bleach it 4 times where i went lmao.

but i've heard the anime/manga merchandise is pretty cheap in Japan? that is a nice start to your collection and i'm sure the tokrev dolls will be a nice finishing touch when you feel motivated enough. but don't force yourself. i think if she was a kpop fan, i would found it less shocking because they are something else lol. that is a sensible idea and others may mistake it for a bell's bike? if it jingles that loudly and you're walking behind them. i hope you are ready then, styling wigs does seem to be a craft of art in making.

have you found your birthday twin yet? or am i still the closest one? and i actually gave up on makima. the fanart is something else but you can't help but feel intrigued like you said. i dislike her for the same reason. that's great! have you tried taking it to a tailor and get the sleeves shortened? i did it for a blazer and it worked.

ah i’m glad, me too! :) <3

i very much understand. it hurts, but sometimes the right thing to do just isn’t what initially makes you the happiest,, and it’s still for the best.

hm, true. maybe one day lol. rn we see each other maybe twice a year, and go visit a museum together. it’s nice, but certainly not how i pictured my life a few years ago haha. tho i’m content with our relationship the way it is, i think.

understandable understandable lol. i think my pref for genshin does stem from me having played it for longest by far + it being the game that got me into gaming, which both ends in an obvious bias. but hsr has been v fun so far as well! honkai impact fight mechanics are more similar to genshin than to hsr, but the controls for the whole game don’t involve the mouse, only the a, s, d, w, i, j, k, and l keys (if i remember the keys correctly- the point is you only need a keyboard to play) lol. makes it easier to play it in class.....

okay tbh i did repeat/got pushed back more than once 😭 most people here probably are finished with a five years degree at 24/25 too, but a bunch each year will be one/two years older bc they had to repeat. and i’m gonna be one of those lol. but yeah, i’m glad i’ve still got time to decide on what to study bc there’s too many things i’d like to do... omg i used to have a classmate who’s a kpop fan, and she pretty much made her locker at school into a kpop shrine plastered with photos and filled with merch lol. she also was the one to introduce me to kpop funnily enough.

true. i’ll figure out how to make it make no sound before wearing it in public, then i’ll be fine. bc i do think the earring looks funky even when silent hehe.

i have a (bad?) habit of thinking i can do anything i want to, so... wig styling can’t be that hard, now can it..... and there’s a first time to everything anyway.

no birthday twin for me, you’re still the closest. if i ever do find one, i’ll make sure to tell you dw lol.

no, i haven’t been to a tailor yet, but i might try that once! i just hope it wouldn’t be too expensive afhjfdj

[sansang]

omg yes!!! thats the reason i love thanks! its has that weird emotional attachment to it and it gets you overwhelmed in the good way and makes you reflect on a lot of emotionally wonderful things in life blah blah blah lmao

the lyrics of fallin flower is one of the most beautiful ive ever seen TT

svt is like that band which has so many genres and you are like struggling to choose ONE fav song but you end up picking many 😭😭

no but svt's choreo is >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> i find bands which have a lot of members but can coordinate their dances like this godly because the sync??? is so??? crazy??? like bro i used to learn dance before and i think our group dance sessions were the worst. svt's choreos are more than enough to be an mv hahahahaha

i did listen to heaven's cloud and i loved it a lot!!! and ooh yes, i would love to have a few song recs I really dont know much TT

dwc is an okay okay song for me not my favs but its enjoyable. hahahah our experiences were so similar

oof e2l huh? im sorry i just cant write it at all TT i was in a fic exchange event a few months before and i got nct's winwin+e2l AND OMG THE TRAUMA hahaha the fic got delayed by 5 months almost and it had so much drama to it, it nearly got me into a sad fight with a moot TT

ooh but angst and magical au they are one of my favs too!!! i think i have an idea of what to write for now hehehehehe

school is going horrible TT today they just informed us we have finals next week and we just finished one set of exams two weeks ago and also they just dumped practical exams too and i havent written anything TT

what about you? hows yours?

ooh i also wanted to ask you, do you stan any other band? any other ult biases or biases?

and i'm ist!!! wbu?

- secret carat admirer

HIII CARAT ADMIRER HOW ARE YOU ??? im sosososo sorry that i didn’t answer your ask quickly ;; a bunch of end of semester deadlines dropped on me and I was stressed trying to get everything done on time :”) bUT IM BACK TO ANSWER YOUR ASK <333

that. is the most accurate description of thanks that ive read- anon u might be onto smth 🧐 the lyrics of fallin flower are my absolute favorite of svt’s so far. certain lyrics are plastered almost on anything I can customize 💀 svt is sincerely one of the best, if not the best, group at versatility like it’s insane. with also each experimentation of different genres, they still make the song sound seventeen, despite it being a new territory for them and i admire that a lot :]

THE SYNC IS TRULY CRAZY LIKE :O their choreos are rlly captivating and beautiful and i could really just watch it by itself for a long time tbh BDJDNDM (cough me with the dance practices cough) aAAHHH you used to learn dance omg :o i used to learn my cultures traditional dance, but i gave it up for competitive swim :,) now tho, i would love to learn hip hop dances and maybe maybe contemporary bc i find it resonates with me the most :>

im glad you loved heaven’s cloud !! hmmm more song recs include: fallin for you, 2 minus 1 <3, to you, don’t listen in secret, run to you, and network love :D i hope you like the recs <33

ITS ALL GOOD !! e2l isn’t the only trope out there B) and im sorry you had such a bad experience with it D: hmmmm im very feeling pining school fluff rn bc im in that situation CRIES- I’ve also been in a swimmer svt brainrot it’s so bad 🧎🏻 woozi as a swim captain and his speciality strokes being butterfly and freestyle 🧎🏻 i will eat anything and everything up 😋 and im glad you have an idea for a fic now >:]

omg i hope your exams went well ;; don’t feel stressed to write aaaaaa mental health first 😵‍💫 i used to write before shifting to just gif/gfx creations ahahaha- i want to get back to it but I just simply have no more time bc of the program and clubs im in at school :,) school for me has been,,,, usual ? usual amount of crazy ? idk ive just been trying to get through the days and get enough sleep 🧍🏻

I DO IN FACT STAN ANOTHER BAND >:D my ult group is actually ateez !! my ult of ults of ults is choi san <333 i also semi ult yeosang but honestly i love them all and care them <3

im est !! ,,, does this perhaps mean 👁 fellow desi 👁

[jayflrt]

I remember fighting him once because he drank water too loud HAHAHA why,,, why would he want to fit in your closet? LOL the one and only question is: he tried it? he could? but i feel u, our mutual friends were all day like "💀???" when i was fighting with him over all the little things in the world

ISTG THAT WAS MY MOOD BUT HE SAYS HE TRIED HIS BEST - i had a flashback bc in high school the one who lost had to pay for every time he nut during the month and once a boy payed like 50 dolars-

i'm wishing you luck!! yesterday my finals ended and i slept like 15 hours (i'd love to sleep more but my cat was biting me so hard and i had to wake up), at this point i don't know who i am or what i'm doing with my life but i don't wanna read a book in my life 🥴 i hope you're having a great day / night!! < 3 your schedule is thought? are you eating and resting well? don't forget to take care of yourself

i'm curious about something and it's: why did u choose "jayflrt" as your username?

- 🏹 anon

LOLLL NOT THE WATER 😭 men swallow obnoxiously loud so i won't even blame you there 🤚 also i dont think he even cared about the closet i think he just wanted to be right?? no two ppl in their right mind would argue over a closet LMAOAO but no he did not end up trying and i still think he wouldn't be able to !! but omg so you were friends or in a friend group with your boyfriend before you two ended up dating? :o

OMG THEY HAD TO PAY ?? 😭 that is terrible omfg was it like $1 per time bc i know men have such high sexual libidos even tho they don't even recover as fast 💀 but $50 is so much D; but question is why did they even admit when they nut if they have to pay for it

thank you!!! honestly SAME i always crash after finals and end up sleeping for half the day :'') even rn i didn't have any test or anything but im kinda tired 🏃‍♂️ pls same i cant look at a college textbook for the next ten years im doneee

my schedule is pretty nice tho !! i have a few free days which i like :)) and i shortened my class load because of my research internship so it's nice to be able to have time for myself ♡ my goal this semester is to def take care of myself better HAHHA last semester i was eating one meal a day it was so bad 🤧 but now im going for at least two and made my ravioli for lunch and rice + curry for the night <33 meal prepping is fr a struggle ;(

i hope you're having a good day/night tho too and take care of yourself angel !! 🥰 also omg my url :o i think i was just trying to find a cute jay @ that wasn't taken HAHAH i used to have a twt acc called junflrt so i think i just drew it from that <3

[chikkou]

as a 15 year old who is into homestuck rn, your post was interesting! every once in a while i do feel like i missed a reference, but for the most part i feel like i'm getting the experience. i am insanely curious though: what could have possibly been going on in the fandom that inspired the trickster arc?

first of all im glad u liked my post!! i honestly just got really into my thoughts and i had to share it…. im a fake deep hoe LMAO

now to ur question! its a VERY gud one… but unfortunately the answer is kind of troubling. essentially, the short answer is “kids who were pro-social justice.”

to expand on that, u may need some background. homestuck during this time (2013) had a notoriously garbidge fandom, which was well known for being full of infighting. homestuck drew a lot of different fans from a lot of different backgrounds, and it caught on really well with kids on tumblr in the age range of 12-18.

during that time, social justice was getting really popular online, so i can safely say that most of the kids that were homestuck fans were also in support of sj. those who werent were usually intensely anti-sj, and rejected any notions of it, especially where homestuck was concerned. that might seem unrelated, but it actually plays a big part in a lot of problems that came about later on.

one of homestucks biggest positive points was the kids being aracial. hussie made it explicit in tweets and such that the kids were intended to be without race, so readers could fill in whatever they wanted. fan artists really liked that bc it meant they could draw the kids however they chose, and it would technically be canonically accurate. thats a very difficult thing for a webcomic of all things to do, so it was exciting to have the ability to make the kids super diverse, in any sense of the word! 

unfortunately, the problem with this is that a lot of those fan artists were still making all the kids white. it didnt help that, in early pages, there were references to the characters being white (specifically bro, though if memory serves, john is also referred to as white), and much of the official merch also depicted them as white, like as the tarot cards that were released a few years back. even though hussie claimed to be dedicated to the aracial concept, there was a lot of pretty damning evidence that suggested he was really just depicting them as white.

pro-sj fans hated this, because even though the kids were TECHNICALLY aracial by the comics standards, it was clear that a bias was there. anti-sj fans defended the comic with their life against that criticism, saying it was the authors choice, and all sorts of similar things. that problem wasnt made any better by the introduction of kankri, a clear parody of Those Awful SJWs and a character which made it seem like hussie was siding with the anti-sj fans after all. at the time, i remember people trying to excuse it away by saying that kankri was an affectionate parody, or that it was only targeting Bad SJWs, or any other sorts of justifications.

it all came to a head in the beginning of the trickster arc tho, which, if you werent aware, originally had jane say this. it didnt help that he then went on to have ALL of the alpha kids appear in the same skin tone, and later made a tweet (that has since been deleted) saying that all of the trickster characters were white. it became pretty clear that the trickster arc, for all that it does contain some plot relevant stuff, was really just an excuse for hussie to isolate and mock the people that made up the majority of his fanbase.

though at the time i didnt fully understand that, looking back, it was a pretty swift knee to the gut for fans whose main reasons for enjoying homestuck had to do with the aracial aspect. on top of that, it was insanely audacious for hussie to even do something like that knowing that he was targeting a pretty sizable amount of his readers. to this day im not entirely sure what possessed him to do it. 

naturally, though, there was a MASSIVE backlash, and people were fighting about it for days. a lot of people i knew at the time stopped reading homestuck because of it, and those who stuck with it but dropped it later on cited the trickster arc as the reason why. it got so bad that, soon afterward, he edited the page to the version thats still up, which says “peachy” instead.

the racial aspect aside, even the stuff that happens in the arc proper is pretty clearly based in stuff that was happening amongst fans. in the arc, all the tricksters (except dirk) want to marry each other and have “a zillion babies.” it was a pretty clear joke about shippers in the fandom (especially since the arc ends with dirk and jake breaking up, and they were a fan favorite couple until that point). 

lastly, the fact that the arc just skips to the kids being in their respective moons, waiting to go god tier, seemed to be (in my humble analysis) a response to people who complained about the slowness of act 6. the trickster arc speeds the events of the story up considerably, to the point that we dont even see the path they take to get to the moons. they just. end up there. super hungover LMAO

but yeah tl;dr the trickster arc, or the handling of it anyway, was mainly a means of making fun of the pro-sj fans who rightfully addressed the fact that homestuck was failing as an “aracial” story, since there was a clear bias in favor of the kids being white. said mockery bombed spectacularly, cause, surprisingly, making fun of ur target audience is a bad idea.