#in the past few months i have on and off regretted orphaning the works on ao3 (even tho i have copies on copies of back ups

[hermits-that-craft]

hey I know you've retired now (yay!) from here but on the off-chance you see this: I just had the mother of all double-take moments after earlier this month re-discovering a fic from the early, early days of my dsmp fandomhood that I had been searching for for years. I saved it in my browser to read when I needed a moment of comfort, anyway today was the day I finally cracked out staying with the traitor again and the absolute FACE I pulled when I got to the end and it said "follow me on tumblr (hermits-that-craft)" like WAIT HOLD ON this entire time it was you!! anyway I know it was like 3 chapters long but that fic is legendary to me. thank you for writing it all that time ago and thank you for leaving it on ao3 even after you left our sphere behind :)

jkbhjd im so glad you refound it! there is actually a fourth chapter, and there was plans for a longer fic, but i was writing this during some of my final exams for that year, so i never ended up finishing it!

honestly its very heartwarming that you still enjoy it! im glad you found that fic, i hope it continues to bring comfort for as long as you need it!

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

Tohru Honda: a Subversion of Shoujo’s Nice Girl Trope

Fruits Basket absolutely nails subverting your expectations of character tropes in anime. 

Momiji is introduced as the cute childish boy but boom we are slapped with the fact that he a mother who hated him so much she had her memories wiped of him. Shigure right off the bat looks like the typical perverted uncle of anime when in reality he is one the most manipulative characters in the series. Ayame is the flamboyant, boisterous one whose bravado hides his regret and desire to repent for his past neglect of his younger brother. Which ultimately brings me to the protagonist of Furuba itself, Tohru Honda.

I'll make it no secret that I have a huge soft spot for Fruits Basket as a series. It was the first manga I read, I watched the 2001 series and I was right on the hype train when I saw it was getting a remake that would follow the manga storyline. But I did my best to be as objective as possible in this essay of sorts saying why I believe Tohru is a great example of subverting the "Nice Girl Protagonist" of Shoujo. Tohru is the protagonist of Fruits Basket and when it comes to those who don't like her, it seems she can be hit or miss due to the assumption that she is perfect. 

The general consensus of those who do not like her or find her bland compared to the rest of the cast is that Tohru is a perfect and bland protagonist with no issues of her own. That all she does is wave her healing wand of warm smiles and makes everything better for those around her.

However, that opinion couldn't be more misguided. In reality, Tohru is just as emotionally broken as the Sohmas and they mend her heart just as much as she mends theirs. As such, I hope to show those who find her bland or otherwise boring that there is more substance to Tohru's character than they believe.

At first glance, Tohru does seems like your typical Shoujo protagonist. She's nice, almost to a fault. She would rather talk her way out of a situation instead of throwing hands, she doesn't get mad in situations other typically would, and she has a hard time asking for help. Oh and with a dash of anime originality, she's an orphan. However even as early as episode 1, you can see hints that Tohru is not going to be the usual nice girl protagonist with her desire to work and be as independent as possible. The mangaka does a great job throughout the series showing with hints and broad examples that Tohru is just as complex as the colorful cast around her.

Ironically enough though, when hints of Tohru's trauma are sprinkled throughout the series it is seen as annoying even when the Furuba takes time to give insight into why she does the things she does.

She mentions her mother constantly in anecdotes of whimsical stories or snippets of wisdom her mother imparted her with.

Compared to the death of parents to other anime protagonists, Tohru's situation is a bit more unique. Tohru's father may have died when she was young but the same cannot be said for her mother, Kyoko, who died fairly recently. When the series begins, Kyoko has only been dead for a few months and it is more than apparent as early as episode 1 that Tohru is desperate to keep any semblance of her mother's existence alive. Kyoko died before Tohru's first year of high school even ended and worse, was told in the middle of class. Tohru has had barely any time to heal from this loss and it is evident in how she talks to her mother's photo.

Yes, in Japanese culture, it may be typical to have photos of departed family members, making a shrine for them and leaving offerings from time to time. But Tohru takes this to a completely different level, showcasing how deep her trauma runs.

When she is digging frantically to take out her mother's photo after the landslide destroyed her tent, she cries "She can't breathe in there. She's in pain." And that's just episode one.

Nobody completely over the death of their parent would speak like this, referring to a photo as a living person. She lost her mother and she didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, even feeling guilt to an extent about the situation. Tohru didn't wake up to tell her mother that she would see her later. There is no way that simply getting up to tell her mother goodbye would have changed the outcome of her fate, but Tohru still feels that way. That it didn't matter if she had tests or work or the next day, the one she should have put first was her mother. 

Anyone who has or is currently experiencing the grief of losing a loved one has likely done the same. Wondering if, if the situation was anything other than illness or old age, there was something they could have done. Things they should have said or could have said differently. What more could they have done to help and the feeling is all consuming. Even if it is unprompted, they somehow will manage to insert their lost family or friend into a conversation that didn't include them or may randomly begin talking about them. A lot of the time, these people don't even realize that they're doing it which is shown in season 2 with Tohru when Hiro asks her why she talks about her mother so much.

She is too positive.

Tohru's positivity is one of the most easily seen aspects of her character. Where others might see the glass half-empty, Tohru sees it as half-full. Her positivity is even noted upon by characters within the show, Saki (Hanajima) mentioning that she doesn't believe she could personally smile like that so soon after the death of a loved one.

Tohru doesn't like thinking about her problems. She doesn't like expressing her sadness. She doesn't want to worry those around her when they likely have their own problems to worry about. Saki predicts that this ability Tohru has to act this way is because she would scold herself if she ever showed a hint of sadness. And Saki was right because we see Tohru later on doing exactly that, crying but forcing herself to try and smile and scolding herself for not keeping it together.

Rather than let Yuki comfort her when she is in tears, she smiles and completely changes the topic even though tears are coming down her face.Tohru tells Kyo that she needs a minute to get herself together because breaking down in tears in front of him wasn't what she planned. She was supposed to smile when she saw him again.

Tohru would rather pretend everything is fine even when she is seconds away from falling apart because toxic positivity is something she struggles with.

No one can be that positive all the time, not even Tohru.

Tohru has a hard time asking others for help.

Yes, Tohru is kind-hearted by nature but she genuinely does believe that she could burden those she troubles for help. Considering how her maternal side of the family wanted nothing to do with her and her paternal side of the family talks poorly about her, it isn't difficult to see where that frame of thinking came to be. When her mother died, her paternal side of the family didn't argue over who wanted to take Tohru in, they argued over who should take Tohru in and that is an important distinction. Even more so the fact, they had these arguments in front of her. When it was finally settled that she should live with her grandfather and that was uprooted due to upcoming renovations, it makes sense that she would rather be homeless in a tent than bother her friends who don't have the space to provide for an additional person even if that.

In Tohru's mind, it was shown very clearly by her family that she is a burden. She's an extra mouth to feed and an unwanted mouth at that, as her family never holds back in disparaging Kyoko even if Tohru is present.

As such, when Tohru is in a situation where she has no other choice than to accept their help, she believes she should be extremely grateful. They're taking their time to help her when they easily could have done otherwise, so why should she want more? Why should she complain? If she has any desires, she pushes it down because of that belief because she feels awful and that she shouldn't want for more when people are already going out of their way to help an extra mouth to feed. Because of this mentality cultivated by the bulk of her paternal relatives mistreatment, she will seldom voice her wants.

She never gets angry or upset.

To say Tohru never gets angry or close to physical in her reactions is far from the truth. Tohru gets angry when the issue impacts those that she cares about.

Tohru can tolerate being mistreated but she will always draw the line at the abuse being directed to someone else. When she first meets Akito and she sees Yuki's clear discomfort and fear, she pushes Akito away from him immediately. When she witnesses Momiji being punched by Akito, she immediately steps in and places herself in front of Momiji to physically shield him. When Rin tells her not to meddle with the curse and involve herself, Tohru, without cruelty, shoots back that she will absolutely meddle and involve herself because she refuses to lose the people she cares about to someone who has clearly been abusing them emotionally and physically for years. Tohru's tolerance for mistreatment has a limit, she is just unfortunately not included in that limit. So when we finally see her get angry in a scenario that includes herselfー when Kyo tries to run away because he feels he doesn't deserve her love, it's incredible.

There is so much more to Tohru than meets the eye. Tohu's reaction to Yuki getting a cold isn't just Tohru overreacting for the sake of being a nice girl, it's because her father died from a cold he brushed off and that cold turned into a fatal illness. For Tohru, colds aren't something that can just be brushed away because what if it turns into something worse.

Tohru would rather wear clothes until they practically fall apart than buy new clothes because she knows that she can't just spend her money haphazardly. But when it came to Valentine's Day and wanting to express her gratitude for those who cared about her, she had no problem dropping an entire check to purchase the ingredients to make enough chocolate for everyone.

She disregards herself and the efforts she puts forward. When she feels she has failed in helping Arisa, she specifically says "everyone around me has always helped me and when it is my turn to do the same, I can't." These aren't problems she overcomes herself by simply "smiling through the pain" as some who discredit her argue. Tohru is repeatedly loved and helped by those around her who care for her and opens herself up to receive that love and help over time. She is taught by her grandfather and Sohmas that is okay for her to be selfish and ask for things.

Her friends teach her that she helps them so much and that in reality they feel like they are never there to help her when she needs it.Her friends get upset that the same amount of money she would spend on them, she wouldn't spend on herself.

She is told that the way she villainized Katsuya after his death because doesn't make her dirty or a bad person because she was a child that was scared to lose her mother. That her fear and desperation to make her mother acknowledge her was understandable. That mimicking her father in her attempt to draw her mother's attention probably helped more than she realized.

Tohru is not just a "Nice Shoujo Girl" Protagonist, she is a girl with trauma who would rather focus on the issues someone else has than look to her own.

Like I said before, this isn't me trying to get Tohrus haters to like her. People are entitled to like and dislike whichever characters they please, but it is a complete disservice to Natsuki Takaya's writing to say Tohru is bland and has no struggles of her own. Tohru has many problems and struggles she has to deal with throughout the series and seeing those issues she overcomes being brushed aside as her being perfect and having no problems is a complete oversight. As such, I just simply wanted to peel back Tohru's layers and showcase that just as characters such as Momiji, Shigure and Ayame are more than the tropes they are introduced as, Tohru is as well.

[i wrote this on reddit too]

[deanosaur666]

The Woodchipper 2

[Note: This story is a sequel to another short story, "The Woodchipper." This was revised 5/27/2024]

Amadeus opened his eyes. He looked down on the city. The world was faded and transparent, blurred, and unclear. He could see that the people glowed with life, shining like lights in the fog. He turned and saw Donnie and Clyde. Their forms were faded, without life. They were slowly circling upward, converging towards a hole in the sky.

Amadeus yanked both of them out.

"Hey!" Clyde said,"What are you doing?"

"Yeah," Donnie said, "what's the deal Amadeus? I was about to pass on to an eternity of paradise in heaven."

"Yeah me too," Clyde said.

"Stop and think for a moment," Amadeus said, "we can't just let it end like this."

"What do you mean?" Donnie asked.

"Yeah," Clyde said, "I mean, this kind of is the end, after all. We all died, so it's time to pass on to our eternal reward."

Donnie said, "We deserve a rest after our hard lives, after all."

"If you went to heaven right now," Amadeus said, "you would experience an eternity of dissatisfaction. An eternity with just one regret itching at you. How could you rest like that?"

"What do you mean?" Donnie asked.

"For all of our lives," Amadeus said, "we've had every single thing we've desired. Nothing has ever been denied of us." He paused. "Until… that man denied us our desire to throw that baby into the woodchipper."

"Yeah," Clyde said, "I guess you're right. It would suck to go to heaven without ever having thrown a baby into a woodchipper."

"We will achieve this desire, despite our untimely demise." Amadeus said. "And if the Night Disassembler tries to deny us, we'll throw him into a woodchipper too!"

Darius Dirk watched the procession of school buses full of orphans pass by. The philanthropists of the city had pooled their money together to send all of these poor children on a field trip, to give them respite from their unfortunate lives. Darius pressed the red button. The charges he planted on the bridge exploded. The bridge collapsed, the rush hour traffic started pouring into the lake, towards their inevitable demise. The screams filled his ears as he walked away.

Darius Dirk was 13 months old. He was known as the most evil baby in the world. While he had yet to learn to speak, he possessed incredible abilities. The amount of tragedies he created was uncounted. He had been imprisoned many times, but could simply not be stopped. He was recognized by the broken chains that hung from his arms and legs, clanking as he toddled along.

And then an unseen force grasped Darius. He struggled and cried as it lifted him off the ground, taking him away.

Ozias Ozbek watched the footage on his television. He fidgeted with some screws in his hand as he watched the bridge collapse. It frustrated him. The bridge was breaking into large, sloppy chunks. It was inelegant. If he was to disassemble that bridge, he would have—

Ozzy's phone rang. He picked it up.

“Ozzy, it’s me, Betty!” The voice on the other end bawled. “Clementine has gone missing again! I don't know what to do!"

“Don't worry Betty, I'll find her again." Ozzy put down the phone.

She was the 203rd person to call him about a missing baby in the past few days. It seemed there was a pandemic of baby disappearances. And yet he had yet to find a single clue to the whereabouts of the babies.

The newscaster spoke from the television. "In other news, workers on the docks have been complaining of poor working conditions, claiming the noise of hundreds of crying babies and heavy machinery coming from the abandoned factory is hurting morale. The city has yet to investigate these complaints, claiming noise is a normal part of work."

"If I had 203 babies…" Ozzy thought, "where would I keep them?" He considered the screw in his hand. "That's it! I'd hide them in the abandoned factory! The sounds of heavy machinery and babies crying would drown out any sound made by the 203 babies. No one would suspect a thing."

Ozias threw open the closet. His mask and suit hung in the same spot. "What is it? I was sleeping, you know."

"It's time for you to get to work."

Amadeus tossed Darius onto the shelf next to Clementine. He was bound tightly. Clementine looked at him with a sad, knowing look.

"All right," Amadeus grinned, "that's the last baby in the whole city! Let's get back to chipping!"

Ozias approached the factory. He was clad in his mask and suit, taking the form of the Night Disassembler. The sounds of crying babies and heavy machinery grew louder. Ozzy began to feel a little uneasy. Something about this place felt almost sinister.

He climbed up the side and entered through a door on a balcony.

Inside, hundreds of screaming babies moved down conveyor belts, all converging and running into a single, huge woodchipper.

He would have to disassemble the woodchipper if he wanted to save the babies.

He jumped onto one of the conveyor belts. It was the fastest route to the woodchipper.

Suddenly a ghostly form materialized in front of him. Amadeus's visage appeared, grinning.

"The Night Disassembler!"Amadeus snarled. "You won't disassemble this scheme! These babies are destined for the woodchipper!"

"Don't get in my way." The Night Disassembler stepped forward, over a baby.

Amadeus's ghostly form grabbed The Night Disassembler and threw him down on his face.

"You can't disassemble a ghost!" Amadeus yelled. He grinned. "Donnie and Clyde passed on to heaven after the first batch of babies went through the woodchipper. But I won't be satisfied until every single baby has been chipped!"

The Night Disassembler pulled a screwdriver from his belt. "That seems a bit excessive."

Amadeus lifted The Night Disassembler off the ground.

"Who do you think you're fooling?" Amadeus grimaced. "This 'Night Disassembler' get-up is ridiculous. Everyone knows you're really just Ozias Ozbek, the local mechanic."

"Don't bring Ozias into this." The Night Disassembler said.

Amadeus pulled him closer. "You know, we're not so different. I know how you are. Whenever you see something beautiful or precious, you want to break it down into little pieces. So you should be able to sympathize with me."

"You're right." The Night Disassembler said.

The conveyor belt broke, and The Night Disassembler tumbled off it, onto the ground. Babies poured down onto him, burying him in a pile. He dug himself out of the pile. The woodchipper roared, just a few feet away.

"Damn it!" Amadeus yelled. "I can't believe you disassembled it while I wasn't looking!"

"You should pass on." The Night Disassembler said. "I imagine the woodchippers are much nicer in heaven." He started piling babies into a wheelbarrow. "I'm going to take these back to their homes."

"Stop!" Amadeus said. "Look at that baby in your hand."

Ozzy looked at the baby. He was bound tightly. Chains hung from his arms and legs. His countenance was twisted with hate.

"That's Darius Dirk," Amadeus said, "the most evil baby in the world. If you save him, he'll surely do more evil." He came close to Ozzy. "Do you really want to save this baby from the woodchipper?"

Ozzy considered the baby for a moment. "No." He tossed Darius into the woodchipper. And that was the end of Darius Dirk.

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Graveyard Siblings (5)

[Masterlink] (PART 1) (PART 4)

-----

Mari and Cass sometimes switch their suits as they have the same body type. Cass would sometimes go out in full Hellbat gear and give the appearance that Hellbat is out more often than she actually is.

So Orphan/Black Bat also sometimes uses guns.

This also helps with concealing secret identities. Maria was rescued by Hellbat from Joker’s Henchmen. (Vicki Vale was getting sus of the new Wayne and Hellbat.)

Unfortunately since Hellbat rarely comes out and she had already made all of her appearance for the month and it wasn’t a busy weekend, the public had come to the conclusion that Hellbat has a crush on the newest Wayne.

Basically everyone thought that Mari has a crush on herself. Which led to some teasing and escalated to Mari announcing that Jason had a crush on Red Hood on live TV.

It didn’t help that a video of Red Hood and Jason re-enacting Romeo and Juliet with Jason on his apartment balcony and Red Hood on the roof was posted on the internet a few days later. (Thank you, Trixx and Tim’s awesome video editing skills)

Sadly, it was taken down 24 hours later. (Tim and the others have multiple copies of it, on the cloud or hardware, hidden around in the manor and their respective safehouses in the US.)

Some people kidnapped Jason to hopefully gain leverage over the Red Hood and to their dismay and nightmares for years to come, Hellbat came instead.

One lucky and incredibly brave reporter asked why she was there instead of her brother.

Mari being a little shit, “Red Hood may be a tough and scary guy but when it comes to his feelings, my brother is a chicken.”

Pictures of Jason tackling Hellbat somehow never made it into any papers.

The criminal underworld hasn’t taken a hint and Jason has been kidnapped a few more times.

Other times Jason was kidnapped:

Robin: Red Hood made a fool of himself in front of Todd recently and he doesn’t dare to show his face.

Spoiler: He was taking too damn long checking his hair even though I told him that no one was going to see it under his helmet and he was so offended that he is currently sulking in the bathroom.

Red Robin: Red Hood can’t think straight when he is around Jason. I mean have you seen the dude.

Arsenal*during a rare visit to Gotham*: Red Hood owes me one now.

Dick finally ends it by going out as Red Hood and rescuing Jason. Gotham is happy that Redson (Red Hood x Jason) ship has finally sailed.

-------

Kate, Babs, Cass, Steph and Mari were out on Mari’s first girls’ night since her move to the manor.

This is set a little after she came back from Paris with Jason.

They watched rom-com movies, did hair and nails, gossip about the superhero community and bitch and vent to each other.

Marinette off-handedly mentioned the crazy shits she had done during her stint as Ladybug. It started with asking about the T-rex in the Batcave and she mentions jumping into the mouth of a live one before.

Everyone in the room was shocked and after a few more questions, it was obvious that she was very reckless and self-sacrificing. Yep, she was going to fit into this crazy family just fine.

And Holy Shit. There is so much trauma packed into this kid. She needs lots of therapy.

Babs finally decided that they all needed to get out and have some fun. All in their respective suits and they went out.

Joined by Harley, Ivy and Selina.

Plagg came along because I want Plagg to meet Selina.

It was a chaotic night and it was a miracle that Bruce didn’t find out about what the girls did.

-------

Batman and Red Hood were on patrol together when Selina jumped in front of them.

“Hello, Boys”

“What do you want, Catwoman?”

“I want to meet my new prodigy, Kitty Noire.”

Cue Marinette jumping down from her hiding spot, transformed with the Black Cat Miraculous. “Hiya.”

Red Hood carries her like a potato sack and points his gun at the other two.

“Nope, she’s my sister and I called dibs. I adopted her. She’s off limits.”

“Legally, she’s mine.” Batman coughed out.

“I did it first. Emotionally. She’s my emotional support sister. You have plenty kids already, B and Selina, get your own.”

“Hey, I am still here and can hear you.”- Maria

-------

Alya was worried for Lila. She had been acting weirdly for the past month.

She looked very out of sorts. Her clothes weren’t in order and her hair was in disarray. She had bags under her eyes and her eyes looked wild. Lila didn’t look like herself at all.

She jumped at any sound and flinched at really sudden movements.

Alya tried to find out what was wrong with Lila and received vague answers.

One time Lila said that Marinette is to blame.

Alya reaches the somewhat right conclusion that Marinette was haunting Lila and hurting her because Lila used to come to school with bruises and claims that Marinette did it.

Alya goes to Marinette’s grave to desecrate it. (Yeah, go anger the ghost that is haunting someone.)

Unfortunately, the moment she tries to do something, the sky turns dark, clouds appear and the wind begins whipping. A Lightning strike near her and there was a cloaked figure beside her with a scythe.

All Alya saw from the figure was the blood-red lips in a very sharp grin and glowing blue eyes, raising the scythe high before she ran away. The scythe swiped the air where her head once was.

Alya didn’t get far before she tripped and blacked out.

When she woke up, she found herself in the hospital with no idea how she got there.

She was told that somebody found her with a concussion in the park and took her to the hospital.

------

The next one on Mari’s hit list was Natalie.

She wasn’t as involved in the whole thing like Lila, Adrien or Gabriel but she still did it anyways.

Her punishment is a little mild compared to the others and was more of a warning to Gabriel.

Natalie woke up in the middle of the night to see a not-so-dead Ladybug sitting on her vanity chair with the moonlight from the windows illuminating her body and her neck. Her suit was torn exactly like the day of that battle with blood dripping down her arms and from her open wounds. The shadows kept her face hidden but glowing blue eyes stared at her.

Natalie was scared at first. But she regained her normal cool composure.

“I assume you are here to extract your revenge for aiding in your unfortunate demise. But before you kill me, I regret my part in my entire thing and I apologize for everything I have done against you even though I knew it was wrong.”

“At least you show remorse over what you have done. Visiting my grave when even my parents didn’t and leaving flowers. I love those purple hyacinths by the way. Did you know that they mean sorry in the language of the flowers?”

“Why are you stalling my death? Just kill me already.”

“Madam Sancouer. You just played a minor role in my downfall compared to what Adrien and Lila Rossi did to me. And you showed more guilt over your actions than they ever did and Adrien claimed to have loved me. And like I have told the Bats, Death is too swift of a punishment.”

“Who are the bats?”

“None of your concern. You should be more concerned about yourself.”

“Lila sees the ghosts of her past and they haunt her. Adrien is in a living nightmare and has no control over his actions and is despised by everyone. What are you going to do to me?”

“Well, since you show some guilt over your actions, let me tell you a little secret. I am not dead. Not really. I mean I did die. But there was a spell in the grimoire that revived me. It took a few days to work.”

Marinette changed to her normal form. It was a little jarring to see an older Marinette Dupain-Cheng sitting on her vanity chair like it was a throne. The Ladybug suit and the wounds were gone. She looked a little familiar.

“Why are you telling me this? What was the point?” Natalie faltered as she wondered why the girl looked familiar. Marinette moved closer and her face was fully illuminated by the moonlight.

“I intend to take everything by which I mean everything from Gabriel Agreste for what he did.”

“M. Agreste just wanted his wife back. You just gave him your Miraculous, you would still have everything.”

“What difference would it make? Sure I had friends and family before but they turned out to be disappointing. I might have become a famous designer like I dreamed of and can't achieve because I died. Besides, he never said about wanting his wife to come back in his tedious monologues. For all we knew back then, he wanted them for world domination. He showed that he would end the world for them. For kwamis’ sake, he nearly started World War III, just for a pair of earring and a ring. He was willing to kill me to have her back. No wait, he did that too. If he actually read the translated grimoire or asked the Guardian or at least someone with magic for help instead or maybe used his head and made some who can heal as his champion using the Butterfly, we wouldn’t even be in this mess. Face it, Mme Sancour, your boss is a power-hungry and very controlling maniac who is also thankfully an idiot.”

“But- he- he just-. You are just a child, what do you know? M. Agreste knew what he was doing.”

“A child who had a normal life up until he tried to ruin it with his idiotic schemes and hiring Lila to do it. A child who had to fight a war on her own.”

“I am sorry you had to go through that but I doubt you and your little revenge rampage is going to solve anything.”

Ghostly Chains wrapped around Natalie’s body, squeezing tight like it was squeezing the life out of her.

“I was all for sparing you, you know. If you had actually listened to my side of the story, you would have spared from my ‘little revenge rampage’. This is going to be a little painful. Sorry about that.” In a tone that was definitely not sorry.

Pain coursed through Natalie’s body. Her skin crawled and itched as pitch back feathers grew out of it. Her bones turned to dust and reformed.

Where Natalie Sancour once was, there was a raven.

An omen of death and destruction for one Gabriel Agreste.

Marinette leaned down towards the raven. Natalie tried to peck her eye out but Marinette held the beak in a firm grip.

“Ah. ah ah. Luckily for you this is temporary. Mostly. Every night, you will assume this shape and each night the longer you will stay in this form. Slowly counting down the days until Gabriel’s downfall. Since you love helping him so much, you are going to help him know how long he has to live. The night you are a raven from sunset to sunrise, that sunrise starts the day Gabriel Agreste will be utterly destroyed.”

She released the beak and headed towards the window.

"Send him my regards."

With that, she was gone.

(Part 6)

[liddolwhynot2000]

Unprecedented Reactions

____________________________________

Summary: You were too busy kicking one of the drunk soldiers in the stomach to notice the way steel eyes flashed gratefully at you.

____________________________________

Pairings: Levi/Reader

Genre: Romance, bad dream, death!, Soldier!Reader, Levi deserves happiness

____________________________________

One second, you're pushing Levi out of the way of an incoming large hand and the other, everything goes black.

Only for you to wake up in your bed.

It was a nightmare, you were sure of that. It had taken you a little while to gather your bearings, but once you had, you hadn't been able to go back to sleep.

You laid back in bed, arms sprawled everywhere while being lost in thought.

Even if it had been real, it hardly mattered that you had died. You weren't some special soldier whose loss had had any impact, which is why you don't mind the idea of giving up your life for Humanity's Strongest Soldier. He's the one who will make a difference-you're a nobody. A poor orphan born in Wall Maria, who had been forced to enlist in her 20s to keep making a living.

You had considered joining the Garrison, but had decided that you had nothing to lose. No parents or friends to mourn you, no lover you would be leaving behind. There was nothing stopping you from at least doing what you could for humanity. As far as you're concerned, this way you die having given some meaning to your life.

And a part of you hopes that you die the way you had dreamed. If your death prevented Humanity from losing its most promising and powerful soldier, you would do it a thousand times over. You would save him in exchange for your own life and you feel sure that you wouldn't regret that decision one bit.

After all, could anyone ever regret saving the person they were hopelessly in love with?

____________________________________

You never told Levi how you felt, feeling too shy.

You first met him when you had enlisted, only a few mere months after he had. You hadn't known the story behind him much, although the gossip mill had been rife with talks about it. You had seen him and his friends, walking around, keeping away from everyone. Approaching them hadn't crossed your mind, for you were too busy preparing for the upcoming expedition and trying to calm your nerves. It had been your first expedition.

It was only after that terrifying expedition ended that you realized Levi had returned alone, his companions absent from his side. There hadn't been any need to ask him what had happened, his pained expression had been explaination enough.

Later that night, he had shut himself in his room in the barracks. His absence at dinner indicated that he hadn't eaten anything, and against your better judgement, you decided to bring him some.

The door hadn't been locked, and once you had cautiously peeked in, you noticed him lying in the bed. He was facing towards the wall, wrapped in a blanket, and hadn't so much as shifted at sound of the door opening. Maybe he was actually asleep, or he was pretending so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone. You couldn't blame him.

You set down the tray as silently as possible. It had a bowl of soup, two loafs of bread and some ration bars you had found. Just as you moved to turn, you paused, catching sight of him again.

It was an internal battle, that raged on for what felt like hours but was really only a minute. While you could chance trying to talk to him, you sincerely doubted it would go well. You were a stranger and in the past few months, the only people he had even held small conversations with had been his friends. His superiors often got rude, one worded responses from him and friendly comrades had been terrified into silence with glares. You were more likely to piss him off then actually help him.

Resolving to yourself that the food was enough on your part, you quietly crept out of the room, determined to not disturb him.

Once you had shut the door, you sighed, feeling the exhaustion of today's events creep up on you. This was the price of joining the Survey Corps and sating your morals, losing people every expedition. This feeling of loss and despair would be your new constant.

Rubbing a hand on your forehead, you tried to soothe the headache away as you walked back to your room. You stopped short of turning in the corridor as you heard a group of soldiers.

'H-Hey did you see that midget from the underground?'

Your eyes narrowed and you found yourself leaning against the wall as you listened intently.

'Yeah. You see the nerve he has, locking himself up in that room like he's actually mourning. That fucker didn't even join for the cause'

You frowned as another voice joined in. They were all clearly drunk.

'Let's.. Let's teach that midget a lesson. I bet he's putting it on. He's just scum from the underground, he doesn't even belong here.'

You felt horrified as two other soldiers agreed with him. They had all unanimously decided to go wake up Levi up and taunt him about the death of his friends.

While you could agree that Levi clearly hadn't joined willingly, you felt that it was too cruel to go after him like this. Especially when he was already so heart broken.

You weren't the best soldier, but you could kick ass when you needed to. It may be three on one, but if the way their voices were slurring as they talked were to be considered, you had the advantage of not being a dumbass drunk.

As the soldiers came into your view, you rolled your sleeves up.

You were too busy kicking one of the drunk soldiers in the stomach to notice the way steel eyes flashed gratefully at you.

____________________________________

You could never say you and Levi spent a lot of time together. The two of you had joined around the same time, but Levi had scaled the ranks much more quickly. He had, due to his outstanding skills, joined the most elite squad.

You had remained a mediocre soldier at best, and you were content with it. You didn't have an amazing titan kill count nor fists of steel like Levi, but you did whatever was assigned to you just fine. It was life you could even say you were proud of.

You had, much like the rest of your cormades, braced yourself for death. Any expedition could be your last. In fact, you often set out for expeditions expecting to never come back. Some sort of fate had been keeping you alive so far.

It was luck that kept you alive so far- and then it was Levi.

Levi had saved you from a titan during an expedition. You had been helpless, all out of blades. Your squad had been utterly annihilated and you had been in the midst of struggling as a large hand grabbed you and a titan opened its mouth to eat you.

It's why your dream is so hard to forget. It was earily similar to back when Levi had saved you. You would find yourself in that position again. A titan and it's hand tossing you in its mouth. And much like this time, Levi would be there too.

Except he wouldn't be the one doing the saving.

Back then, he had intervened at the speed of light and saved you. His expression had been as stoic as always, eyes scanning your form for injuries. Once he had found that you had no life threatening wounds, he had helped you up and back to HQ.

It had later made you blush, remembering how his strong arms had helped you settle on his horse with him.

That had been the start of your feelings for him. It hadn't just been the fact that he had saved you, it had been how gentle how he was with you. You had seen how he treated others, talking roughly, trying to be helpful in his own awkward way. He often physically kept away from others, but for some reason, he hadn't hesitated a second in touching you.

You knew better then to delude yourself that it was special treatment-but you couldn't stop your heart from fluttering anyways.

____________________________________

The two of you never grew beyond anything but casual friends. You're sure that the dream you hadn't regretted dying for him. You, however, know for a fact that you had regretted being a coward and not telling him how you felt.

Now, here you are, very much alive and kicking. It is possible this was just the wishful thinking of a soldier destined to die. Its possible your dream has shaken you to the point of making rash decisions. But you don't care.

All your mind knows is that you aren't chomped in half. That you are well enough to walk up to Levi and talk to him. Dream or not, you want to tell him. You want him to know how he makes your heart beat in a way that no one ever had. You want to tell him that you harbour feelings for him that go beyond comraderie.

And most importantly, you want him to know that you want him.

It was a painful itch- one you won't be able to get rid of. Not until you fess up.

It doesn't matter that you're signing up for an absolute guaranteed rejection. It doesn't matter that you know he won't be nice about it. As far as you're concerned, the end goal isn't getting into a relationship. This is your shot at confessing, at amkigm sure you that you die without regrets.

No matter what the outcome, you know your feelings won't change. And that is what makes it easier for you to confess.

____________________________________

You have been working with Levi for a solid five years now. You know him rather well, considering that he's one of the few comrades who, much like you, have miraculously lived through being in the survey corps for an unusual amount of time.

While others couldn't classify you as best buddies, you know plenty about each other.

You know that he made special graves for each comrade that lost their lives. He would take their insignia off their jacket as a symbol of their wills. You also know that he had started this tradition since Isabel and Farlan died. Every soldier, no matter how they behaved with him, had been included. You know this because you had caught sight of him in the middle of his task. And without a single word, you had picked up a shovel and joined him in his task.

Levi hadn't said a word to you, silently accepting your help. You had been too busy trying to even out the dirt with your foot to notice steel eyes flashing at you with fondness.

You know more about him then that too. And he knows about you as well. In particular, the two of you had picked up on how the other liked their tea. It was silent gesture, one where if either was nearby and making tea, there would be enough for two people. Hange had once tried to snag the extra cup of tea Levi had in his hand for you- only to find herself best friends with the floor.

You had learned how to live up to his cleaning standards-to the point you held the unprecedented position of being the one person he had never attacked for being a slob. It's wonderful feeling-being the special one he had never been harsh with.

You thought you knew him well. Enough to know his reactions to certain things and situations, enough to pin point how he was feeling at certain times.

So when you confess to being in love with him-you are forced to realize that you don't know this man as well as you thought you had.

The Levi you know was supposd to reject you brutally. He was supposed to harshly tell you to get your head out of the clouds and stop fantasising like a school girl. To get over your shitty feelings and leave him out of it.

But the Levi in front of you is different. He isn't pushing you away-no, his hands are grabbing your wrists and tugging you into an embrace. His forehead is resting against yours. Those steel eyes you had never quite caught expressing anything, are filled to the brim with affection.

You've been proven wrong and frankly, as his lip softly brush against yours, you're glad about it.

____________________________________

A/N: Heyooo. don't know where this came from. This feels like a 'felt cute might delete later fic'. I hope it was enjoyable at least? I can see a part 2 for this from Levi POV but don't know if anyone even liked this, let alone wants a part 2.

Also ruins part 2 is half way done :)

[hutchhitched]

Don’t Talk To Me

Written by: @hutchhitched

Prompt 76: Modern a/u Katniss is getting over the loss of her sister (you decide how) when she meets Peeta. She’s closed off but he finds a way in. Maybe she works for him? Him for her? Maybe she cries herself to sleep on his bread scented shoulder? (Please yes I need that) [submitted by @endlessnightlock]

Ratings/Warnings: T

A/N: Y’all... It’s finally here. This is story number nine from the nine prompts I claimed for the 2020 @everlarkficexchange and then lost the will to write during the early months of the pandemic. I wasn’t sure I’d get here, but it’s happened. This is not the story I intended to write when I took the prompt, but sometimes the muse takes control, and I simply follow. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy. Huge thanks to @javistg for understanding the delays and @endlessnightlock for being supportive of my plot change.

Katniss Everdeen hates people. Well, that’s not exactly true, but she doesn’t exactly like them either. They’re too…human or whatever. Too many acquaintances. The last thing she wants to do is get close to any of them, especially after the events of the past few months. She’s barely holding it together as it is, and introducing people or, even worse, friends could tip her right over the edge. She values her sanity.

 That’s probably why the new, sweet, disgustingly optimistic, overly friendly hire at the coffee shop where Katniss works irritates her so much. He’s just so nauseatingly earnest. It makes her want to punch him in the face.

 “How’s my favorite barista today?” he asks when she joins him behind the counter while still tying her apron. She mumbles noncommittally, but he doesn’t seem at all deterred. “I like that sweater.”

 “Peeta,” she says as she attempts to maintain control of her temper. He looks at her with such eagerness, she wilts under his obvious enthusiasm. “I’m just… It’s not a good day. Can we not?”

 His face falls, and she almost relents. She doesn’t know what it is that’s convinced him she’s someone he needs to befriend, but she simply has no interest. She doesn’t want more entanglements. They hurt too much.

 “Sorry,” he whispers and turns away. She swallows a twinge of guilt for hurting his feelings, but she doesn’t yield. Instead, she pivots to the espresso machine and starts making coffee. They work together silently, their only conversation about drink orders. They move around each other easily with no uncomfortable bumping or banging elbows or shoulders. He’s a good worker, at least, and he knows how to take a hint.

 “See you tomorrow,” Peeta says softly as his shift ends, and she flashes a brief smile. She doesn’t want to be rude, but come on. He doesn’t have to be friends with everybody.

 It continues like that for months, him fruitlessly friendly and her taciturn and distant. He continues to pursue a friendship, never pushing or prodding, simply being there and consistently showing kind. It’s exhausting.

 “How do you manage to stay so sickeningly upbeat?” she asks finally after several days of wanting to scream. He wears her down. She’d tell him to stop, but she’s starting to think she might like his optimism a little bit.

 He pauses for a second to glance at her before returning his attention to slipping sleeves onto the cup he’s holding. He calls out the order and smiles at the customer before answering. “What’s the other option? Being miserable?”

 “Well, I’m pretty good at it.”

 “I don’t think that’s true,” he argues softly. “I think you’ve had a rough time, and you’re grieving and healing. No one begrudges you that.”

 She gapes at him for a few seconds before snapping back to attention. The last thing she needs is to break down in front of everyone. Somehow, she thought he didn’t know anything. It’s disconcerting to realize her grief is on public display when she’s worked so hard to tuck it away. She reels, and he presses his lips together in frustration.

 “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

 “It’s… You’re fine.” She swallows hard and shakes her head. “I’m taking my break.”

 His wounded expression slices through her as she flees.

 ****

 Another couple of weeks pass before Katniss finds herself alone with Peeta again. They’re scheduled to close on a slow night, and everyone else has gone home when he locks the door behind the last customer and she turns off the light and secures the window for the drive through window.

 “Alone at last,” she jokes and is struck by his wry grin.

 “You don’t have to do that.”

 “Lock up? I think I do.”

 He catches her gaze and refuses to let it drop. “Pretend to be happy you’re here with me.”

 “I—”

 “I’m sorry,” he insists. “I thought maybe if I could talk to you and stop being so, you know, wounded that maybe we could take a shot at being friends. I didn’t mean to upset you, Katniss. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.”

 She doesn’t answer for several beats. He squirms a little and drops his eyes to study twisting hands and twitching feet. She’s going to regret this. She knows she will. Still, there’s something sweet and shy and kind that she yearns for when the rest of the world is so hard and cold. Maybe it’s weakness or something else equally awful she should expunge from her personality, but she can’t let him spiral this way. Maybe it’ll stop hers, too.

 “We could, uh, try that.”

 It comes out garbled and stunted, but the change in his countenance makes her glad she took the step. A thousand emotions flit over his handsome face, but a grin splits his lips so wide that his teeth flash white. She holds up her hands to head him off, but he steadies himself. With eyes twinkling, he chuckles.

 “I saw the fear there for a second. I’ll control myself before I start asking the deep stuff.”

 “The deep stuff?” she asks, still gun-shy.

 “Yeah, like it’s crazy that I’d voluntarily cover a shift for you if you called in sick, but I don’t know your favorite color.”

 “It’s green.”

 “Mine’s orange.”

 “Like those chairs?” she laughs and nods at the overly bright upholstery on the furniture. Apparently someone in corporate thought pumpkin spice wasn’t just their most popular fall drink; it was also where customers could put their butts as they sipped caffeine-laden drinks.

 “Softer,” he answers, his voice a breathy whisper. “Like the sunset.”

 Her eyes drift shut. He’s put a spell on the space with his words, and she wants to stay there for a moment. When he’s not being overeager, Peeta Mellark is charming as hell. Lord, help her.

 “Can I tell you a secret? It’s really important.”

 She tenses, but when she opens her eyes, she finds that he’s moved closer to her and propped his hip against the counter. He looks so young and hopeful there’s no way she can be scared of him.

 “If you must,” she sniffs and smiles to soften her response.

 “Lean in close. It’s a big one.” She does so slowly, and he waits patiently until she’s close enough that he can whisper, “Don’t tell our boss, but I’m a tea guy. Two lumps of sugar. I don’t even like coffee.”

 Her eyes widen for a split second, and then she bursts into laughter. Tears gather in her eyes as she shakes. “That’s not a big one!”

 “Coffee is life, Katniss. A known tea drinker would be cast out among the wolves. I’ll just stay incognito. I’m trusting you with my life here.”

 “And what if I spill it?”

 “Spill the tea?” He winks as she gasps for air. Just as quickly, he wipes his expression from his face and assumes mock sobriety. Somberly, he picks up the broom and starts to sweep. “Well, then, I guess you’ll have one fewer opponent to beat out for employee of the month.”

 The whole idea that Katniss, surly and grumpy as she is, could ever win a customer service award is so preposterous she can’t keep from giggling. By the time the café is clean, she’s a million times lighter. When they head separate ways after locking up, she watches him as he strides down the street. Before he turns the corner, he tosses a look over his shoulder and waves. She doesn’t even have to think about it. She waves back.

 ****

 They become friends, and it upends her life. Katniss isn’t used to having people around. Not since her sister passed away and left her all alone in the world. Katniss had gotten used to being an orphan, but when her sister was killed in a car crash, the loneliness and despair overwhelmed her. With Peeta around, she doesn’t feel quite so isolated anymore.

 They take short walks on shared breaks, and he leans down to pick dandelions from between the sidewalk cracks before handing them to her with a bashful grin. He shields her from overly aggressive customers during busy periods at the café, and, after several weeks, he manages to convince her that spending time together outside of work isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 “Friends do tend to see each other in social settings,” he teases, and Katniss finally relents.

 They go to movies and basketball games and art exhibits and archery competitions and all sorts of other things she had no idea she’d enjoy until Peeta suggested the activity. Sometimes, they do mundane things like grocery shopping together. She finds she likes trying new things as long as there’s someone with her and they can debrief about what was good and bad afterward. He convinces her to try one of those art classes with BYOB wine and a pre-chosen image to paint, and she gasps when his own creation takes on a life of its own while hers seems like a bad paint with water replica. He teaches her to cook bread and cookies and cinnamon rolls, and she shares her heirloom lamb stew recipe with him. They’re comfortable together. He never pushes, never makes her feel like he needs anything more than simple friendship.

 Until, that is, the anniversary of her sister’s death.

 She should have taken off work. She knows that, but the café is short-handed. Besides, she needs the money. It’s rainy and muggy and awful when she leaves the house, and the subway is packed much more than usual. She’s jostled and pushed and touched inappropriately (although, that was likely unintentional with how closely pressed together the passengers are in the train car), so that by the time she gets to work, she’s irritable, grumpy, and a ten seconds from losing it.

 It’s possible it’s the weather or the alignment of the stars or an almost full-moon or the changing of the seasons. It could be that other people are suffering from trauma and loss and depression, as well. Or it could be that Katniss just has really bad luck.

 “This drink is wrong.”

 The harsh complaint is snapped at her by an unpleasant looking man with white hair and a beard. He looks at her like she’s something rotten on the underside of his shoe when he shoves the cup toward her and sloshes some of the hot liquid on her outstretched hand. She hisses at the burn and immediately turns to the sink to run cold water over her skin before it blisters.

 “Don’t turn your back on me! Fix my coffee.”

 Katniss tenses, her guard up, but she refuses to move. His actions burned her, and she’s following not only methods of self-preservation but also the company’s safe work policies. Injuries are to be treated immediately on the job. She’s doing that.

 He continues yelling, attracting the attention of patrons and staff. Peeta finishes with the order he’s taking and quickly intervenes, coming to her rescue whether she wants him to or not. She’s not sure which is accurate.

 “Can I help you, sir? My name is Peeta, and I’m—”

 The man squints at Peeta and raises a shaking hand toward me. He’s livid, and Peeta takes a half-step back at the fury that’s suddenly directed his way. The situation escalates. It’s not pretty. The police are called, and customers are shaken. That’s nothing compared to the way Katniss quakes inside her own skin. She’s barely holding it together when their manager intercedes.

 “Get her out of here,” Haymitch barks at Peeta before turning to the customer. The coffee cup he’s thrown at her rolls on the floor in a puddle of liquid. The name scrawled on the outside is Snow. It’s ironic. Katniss has always hated winter.

 They make it to the back before she crumbles, and Peeta lets go of her hand to help her sit down on a stack of crates. He settles next to her and pulls her into a loose embrace—tight enough so that she knows he’s there but loose so she doesn’t feel trapped. It’s the perfect way to comfort her. He’s perfect, and she’s a mess.

 The tears flow, and she’s too broken to bother to wipe them away. Shoulders shake and sobs tear from her throat in gulping heaves. At one point, she moans her dead sister’s name. It’s a mournful wail that washes over her and makes her hurt even worse. He pats her back and toys with the tip of her braid. It’s an unlikely source of solace, and it causes her to turn into him and press her face to his shoulder.

 He smells like bread, she realizes in a random flash of clarity. She’s lamenting her sister, but that scent claws at her senses and registers in the olfactory section of her brain. How odd, she thinks before a fresh wave of grief shakes her torso.

 “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry. I’m here. Take as long as you need. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

 She’s not, though. She’s not all right, and she knows he understands that. He’s working with a limited vocabulary as he tries to help her. That’s what people say when they’re faced with a weeping friend. She’s done it herself. His tone of voice and gentle touch more than prove his compassion for her pain.

 She doesn’t know how long they sit there, but it’s long enough that her tears have soaked his shoulder. A sharp cough invades their little bubble, and they both glance up to see Haymitch in the doorway.

 “Clock out,” he orders in that gruff way of his. “We’ve got you both covered. Take her home, boy.” Peeta nods at the nickname without protest. It would be offensive if it meant anything other than their boss can’t remember anyone’s names, although that’s bad enough.

 Peeta hails a cab and gives her address. He escorts her to her door and unlocks it for her before guiding her inside and seating her on the couch. When he moves away, she grabs at his hand and pulls him down next to her. His arms envelop her again, and she presses her face into his neck and allows the tears to streak down her cheeks while she hiccups. She hates being vulnerable, but she trusts him. They’ve grown close over the past few months.

 Finally, she runs dry. Her sobs subside, and her body stills. He doesn’t shift, doesn’t attempt to pull away. Instead, he simply waits and gives her the space for what she needs. It’s a beautiful thing to grieve with someone who allows it to occur instead of hindering the process. She’s not okay. She won’t be for a long time, but she’s survived today. For now, that’s enough.

 “Thank you,” she mumbles against his shoulder. When he doesn’t answer, she glances up at him through wet lashes and finds him looking at her with compassion in his piercing blue eyes. She could fall into them if she’d let herself. When he lifts his hand to brush flyaway wisps of hair from her forehead, she thinks maybe she should.

 Time freezes. There’s a pulse between them that shakes the world. They’re drawn together, and she doesn’t second guess it or pull away from him. Instead, she closes her eyes and meets his mouth with hers. It’s gentle, just a sweet brush of lips, but it tastes like a reawakening, like the snow melting away and the earth coming back to life in spring.

 It’s scary. It’s terrifying. It’s also right. After the events of the past year, she deserves a new beginning.

[pinky-the-elephant-room]

Cerulean

● AN: Thanks to @succulent-momma​ and @drabbles-blurbs-words​ for editing this for me. A quick note before reading this Japan doesn’t foster in large numbers.  So most orphans or neglected children go to a facility called “Children’s homes”. Also, I wanted to take on the trope of the hero “breaking their lover’s heart to save them” usually it ends up with the said lover being heartbroken for years before the hero finds them again and voila! Everything is fine and dandy after the truth comes out. I really dislike this trope so I wanted to do a prompt to expand more on this.

● Warning: This prompt includes underage sex between two minors, explicit sex, consensual sex, and angst read at your own discretion. For those who are Nana fans I also warn you read cautiously. 

● Young All Might x Fem Reader

●●●●●

Y/N frowned at Nana-neesan; her frown became even more severe at the sight of the taller blonde man.

“What do you want, nee-san? You made it clear that you didn’t want me to interfere with your work when you left me here,” she murmured under her breath while keeping an eye on the blonde that was nervously looking from her older sister to her.

Here being the children’s home for abused and abandoned orphans. Yes, she had a living older sister who could have taken care of her but chose not to due to her dangerous job as a Pro Hero complete with a maniacal evil villain.

Nana sent a sorrowful smile towards her.

“I know you aren’t happy with my decision, but I promise I would rather you be alive here than dead with me. You being alive in front of my eyes means everything to me even if it means that I won’t see you as often.”

Y/N had heard this speech over and over again, she should understand her intentions by now, right? She understands that her older sister spends time-saving the entirety of Japan, but all she wants is to go home and see her family regularly. She wanted to see her infant nephew that was only 3 months old. So, she should understand, but Y/N couldn’t help the bitterness bubbling inside of her.

Nana gestured to the man next to her.

“This is my student and successor, Yagi Toshinori. I want you and him to get along. Think of him as your oni-san. He’ll protect you when I can’t,” she told her. The glint in Nana’s eyes showed the pride and joy she held for her student.

That revelation only made things worse for Y/N. What was nee-san doing now? Picking up strays off the street and replacing her real siblings? Sure, she didn’t have a quirk like nee san’s, but it didn’t mean she was worthless. It didn’t mean she deserved to be abandoned at a children’s home.

Y/N sent a vicious glare to the man well more like boy named Yagi.

“He is not my oni-san. I might live here right now, but I have a family. And I don’t remember my parents having a boy,” Y/N growled out and sent one last look at her sister. She seemed to be pleading with Y/N before a resigned look settled in her eyes.

She stomped over to the caretaker and told her that the visit was over. The official just nodded and politely asked Nana-neesan to leave. She only stared at Y/N for a few more moments before heeding the request and leaving her alone again in the facility. It shouldn’t hurt, after all, she had already been here since she was 15 and now her 16th birthday was only a few months away. And yet, to see her sister’s back as she left again, it tore another piece of her on the inside. The worst thing was Y/N should hate her with every fiber of her being, but she couldn’t. She wanted her family and her sister. Not this stranger who upheld the One for All legacy over the cost of her own blood.

So, Y/N hardened her heart and trudged back to her shared room with another abandoned girl who only smiled in sympathy at her plight.

“Ne Y/N, look I bought some snacks from the nearby convenience store with my allowance. Want some?”

She shook her head at the girl’s earnest look and scooted over to her friend. “I thought you were on a diet.”

Her friend only shrugged and held out a chocolate bar which Y/N took a generous bite out of.

“Trust me, whenever these parents or foster people come to check on us. We need this!”

Y/N didn’t voice her agreement out loud but took another bite of her chocolate as the two lonely girls chatted and comforted each other for the sorrows that were beyond their control.

●●●●●

Unfortunately, that last disastrous visit was not the end of it. It seemed Yagi had taken it upon himself to befriend the lone sister of his teacher. He started showing up at the facility even without nee-san. Y/N didn’t ask him if her sister knew what her student was doing. At first, she refused all visits from him, but he left presents for her. Snacks, chocolate, makeup (haphazardly bought but luxurious nonetheless), and even envelopes with small amounts of spending money. Finally, she got fed up with it and confronted him.

“Do you think I’m cheap and easy that you can buy my affections with all this stuff? I told you I don’t want another sibling, nor do I need one,” she huffed angrily at him. The idiotic man just smiled with jubilation in return to her censure. “Why are you smiling? Do you think making me angry and upset is funny?”

He quickly crossed his hands in an X and shook his head. “No! I’m just happy you’re finally talking to me and I get it. I know that it’s weird for someone to come out of nowhere and act like your brother. But that’s just Shishou’s wish for us to get along.”

Y/N could feel her annoyance build up and replied, “well it’s always been about what she wants isn’t it? Never about what I want or what my wishes are. Did she even think about how I would feel when she brought her student to meet me and ask me to treat you like family when she left me here? No, she didn’t! Just like she didn’t consider how all of this is impacting me. Does she even care?”

The last part ruined her and the lump in her throat caused her voice to break as she voiced out her deepest fears to the guiltless boy in front of her. Yagi stepped in front of her and grabbed both of her shoulders. Y/N let out a gasp when he pulled her close and she could see the depth in his ocean eyes.

“Gomen. I can’t say I know everything that happened between Shishou and you. I can see that her sacrifices have hurt you and nothing I do will ever erase those hurts. I won’t ever replace the family that you had nor the sister you want. But I can be the friend you need.”

His eyes shined brightly with resolve and she wanted to believe him. Y/N was so tired of this past year, everything that could possibly go wrong had gone wrong. Y/N tried to slip out of his strong grasp and separate herself from his expectations.

“Please,” he urged softly.

Y/N looked back into his eyes and felt her trepidation crumble.

“Fine. We can try being friends, but the second you act out of line. You will stop visiting me.” She warned him.

Again, he sent a delighted smile her way and brought her in for a tight hug. Y/N felt her cheeks heat up and tried to push him away from her.

“Thanks! I promise you won’t regret giving me a chance.”

Y/N scoffed and pushed against his strong chest even harder. “I already do,” she murmured to herself as the overly joyful man finally let her go.

●●●●●

Over the next couple of months, Toshinori made good on his promise and she saw him more often than her sister. She saw him after he got accepted into U.A. and he shared his elation with her. She saw him as he failed several times to defeat someone named Gran Torino. She even stayed and listened to him as he babbled on about her nee-san’s ideals of saving people with a smile. They grew closer than she ever thought possible. And so, it wasn’t a surprise that closeness evolved into something else.

“Here you go, Y/N-chan!” he handed over a gift wrapped up nicely. Her 16th birthday had included well wishes from the caretakers within the facility, her roommate, and her too often absent sister. But Toshinori had held off the celebrations until he was able to get a reprieve from U.A. to visit her.

She read the card first, it was a sloppily written card with her name on it. Y/N snickered at the butchered Kanji rather than the expected elegant calligraphy from her sister’s protegee. Finally, she took apart the present. It was a picture of kittens with bows on it. She felt her eyebrows twitch and sent Toshinori a glare. He knew how badly she wanted a pet, but the facility wouldn’t allow it.

She took the frame out and held it up to hit him with it. “You jerk! How could you do this on my birthday!”

“Wait..Wait! It’s not what you think!” he yelled out while avoiding her hits easily.

She huffed and said, “explain now! Before I beat you senseless with this cute frame.”

“Do you remember that kitten you saved from the streets and brought them to the nearest vet? Well, one of those kittens are him and the rest of those kittens have all found homes. They were going to be put down in the shelter due to limited space and because they were FIV positive. However, I’ve spent time and money to ensure that all of them found homes.”

Y/N looked down at the frame and sure enough one of them resembled the orange fluff ball she rescued from a storm drain.

“I know it’s not the pet you wanted. But until you can get one for yourself. I hope this is enough.”

She stared at him unblinkingly and he started getting unnerved with the way she was insistently staring without uttering a word.

“It’s a bad present, isn’t it? I’m sorry I thought it was a good idea and I’ve never bought a gift for a girl before. You know what? You can keep the frame and we can go out for dinner instead. My treat- Mprrh!” His rambling was cut off by her lips capturing Toshinori’s.

He didn’t waste a second, tugging her into his arms, and responding with fervent enthusiasm. He felt so warm, she couldn’t remember the last time someone just held her. First, she had lost her parents. And then her nee-san increasingly disappeared on her heroic crusade until she finally dumped her at this facility. It felt so right in his strong arms and a sigh of content escaped her as his tongue traced her lips as if asking for permission. She granted it and fell into a deeper escape. For the last few months, since she had gotten to know Toshinori, everything felt lighter. And the fact she was forsaken no longer weighed heavily on her being. He was the first good thing to happen that was entirely hers. Y/N’s feelings only grew more severe when she saw the depths he would go for her. But she feared that his kindness was something he shared with everyone or that he only cared for her because of nee-san. But now she could feel his tongue explore her mouth with zeal, tempting her body to respond with needy whimpers. Y/N was sure that her fears were unfounded. They only separated when air became necessary but even then, they stayed engrossed in each other. Toshinori rested his forehead against hers. She was unable to look away when he looked at her with such unrestrained and open adoration.

“Is it .… always like that?” he asked as he gasped for breath.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted, afraid to let him know that he was her first kiss.

He only stared at her with starry eyes and no judgment as he brought her into another kiss and another; until she could no longer spare time as curfew forced her to return.  

The rest of the year was spent with them sneaking out to meet each other whenever it was possible. Her nee-san seemed suspicious at the newfound familiarity between her imouto and student. But at the same time, she was relieved to know there was someone else to look out for Y/N. She never did suspect that the way Toshinori and Y/N were spending time was hardly in a way that normal friends ever attempted.

●●●●●

One particular weekend Y/N found herself at Toshinori’s apartment. He stayed there whenever he wasn’t training or was at U.A. It was a fairly decent apartment. It lacked any personal items only containing the necessity. She waited patiently in the apartment while the blonde went to the restroom. She couldn’t help herself when she went exploring through his space. Opening doors and peeking inside whatever that was unlocked. Y/N always did have a habit of being nosey and a sneak, so she didn’t think twice when she came to Toshi’s room and swung it open. Though, even his bedroom wasn’t much to look at; except he had a nice large bed instead of a futon. She was just about to leave disappointed when she spotted a sparkly gift bag tucked away on a desk.

Now normally going through people’s gifts and precious items was going too far even for her, but that gift bag’s logo was familiar to her. It was the bag of the most famous lingerie brand in Japan. She didn’t buy lingerie for herself, but she did buy regularly their bras and panties whenever necessary. So, the fact that her boyfriend had something from them in his room and she didn’t know about it, well she felt justified to look through said gift bag.

Y/N sifted through the purple wrapping paper and a receipt before coming across a babydoll lingerie. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized the garment still had its tags on it. Did that mean Toshi bought it for her and had yet to give it to her? She had to admit his taste in lingerie was very tasteful. It was sheer mauve with black trimmings on its edges and with a matching panty. Though the amount of lace on the fabric was kind of surprising, he didn’t seem like the type of guy who would like lace.

“Hey, are you in here?” Toshi yelled out when he came into the room only to let out a strangled gasp when he saw her standing there with the babydoll in hand.

Y/N only raised her eyebrow meaningfully at him.

“It’s not what you think!” he stuttered trying to find an excuse as to why he had that in his room. “Ok. It’s exactly what you think….. I like lace?.... And I thought you would look pretty in it?”

See if she didn’t know Toshinori as well as she did, Y/N would have thought he was lying. But she knew it was the truth; from the way he looked directly in her eyes and the fact that every time they got intimate, he acted angsty. Like he wanted more. She waited for him to ask permission to go further but he never did. Maybe this was his way to suggest it without putting too much pressure on her.

She looked at the soft revealing garment in her hand and his panicked face. Y/N started unzipping her hoody and let it fall to the floor.

His breath hitched and he murmured, “w-what are you doing?”

“Well, you bought it for me, didn’t you? Don’t you think I should try it on?”

Keeping eye contact Y/N unbuttoned her jeans and tugged them off too. She then reached over and pulled off her tank top and added it to the pile. Toshinori on the other hand had his entire face flushed red. His eyes wildly moved from her face to her body as if he didn’t know what to savor first. She reached behind and unbuckled her bra from its hook. She made sure not to look at her boyfriend while she shed her panty. Her last piece of clothing as she didn’t want to lose her nerve. Grabbing the babydoll she pulled it over her head and the slick material slid down her body. It barely covered her butt and her nipples strained against the material.

“So, what do you think?” Y/N asked with a nervous smile.

His nervous composure disappeared, and he confidently strode towards her. He touched her hair and loosened the bun she had pilled her hair in. Her long hair fell in waves and framed her face delicately, he smiled at the sight she made.

“Now it’s perfect. You look beautiful,” he said as he reached down to kiss her.

She didn’t know how they got from standing and kissing softly in the middle of the room and to his bed. Toshinori somewhere along the way had shed all his clothes, settling his hard body against her soft curves. Her first time was everything she imagined, the love in his eyes as she trusted him to take care of her. The horror stories of how much it hurt weren’t true in her case because all she could see was the exquisiteness of the ocean in his eyes. Did he know how expressive they were? They told so many stories from just their azure hues. She had seen them in sadness, fear, and joy. But they never shined with such brilliance until she stared above at him caging her tiny body protectively.

“Toshi.. hnggg~..” she whimpered out as he roughly palmed her breasts over the mauve intimate apparel.

He wouldn’t let her take it off, preferring her in it. Saying he liked the way her body appeared so sinful and tempting while she blushed and squirmed underneath him.

She let out another gasp when his cock slid in with the exact angle she needed, and her body arched accordingly. She spread her thighs more and hooked them around his waist so that he could move in easier without many obstacles. It felt like a warm entity had entered and filled her up just when she needed it. She felt Toshinori’s large hands secure themselves around her waist and lift her entire body. She let out a yelp and then a loud moan when he slammed her back down.

Y/N could vaguely hear his praises amongst his groans, the sounds of the bed slamming against the wall and the obscene wet sounds of their sexes intermingling. He told her how gorgeous she looked and how much he loved her.

She could feel herself spiraling before she lost it again and again. Y/N realized with frustration that Toshi was purposely changing his rhythm and speed.

Once again when her pleasure stopped midway, she let out a sob.

“Please, baby. I c-can’t.”

“Not yet. I promise I’ll give you what you need. Just wait,” Toshinori crooned as he ragdolled her body with his powerful thrusts.

Her short-bitten nails dug into his skin when she felt him lap at her perky cleavage. The thin soaked fabric clung to her body lewdly and it only encouraged his explorations. She grabbed the back of his head and encouraged him to suck the other neglected breast. When she felt him gingerly lick the fabric that covered the taut nub before sucking deeply, she finally lost it. Her muscles started squeezing around his member and the flutters started pulsing. The pulses came faster and faster as he helped her ride it out. 

The base of his cock felt heavy and tight. Toshinori slipped out of her surging cunt and spilled more of her juices onto his bedsheets. Keeping her thighs together, he used her thickness to stimulate himself and spilled his cum. He watched captivated as his sticky fluid ran down her thighs.

 The two lovers drifted off to sleep after their exertion. And when Y/N returned to the Children’s home the next day only to be punished for staying out without permission, she couldn’t help but think it was worth it.

●●●●●

Y/N ran through the hospital at top speed, trying to dodge oncoming patients and nurses. She spotted Toshinori standing next to a curiously short man.

“Toshi! Are you okay? I heard you and nee-san were involved in something big!” Y/N asked in a panic looking over his bruised and bandaged cheeks.

She looked up at him worriedly when he cupped her face gently.

“Y/N, Nana-shishou is… She’s gone.”

It felt like her entire life came to a standstill. “Gone where? Toshi, that’s not a funny joke,” she observed his face looking for any signs that he might be kidding, only to realize he wasn’t.

“No! That can’t be true. Nee-san was strong there’s no way!” There were no tears or anything that might qualify as grief. Instead, she felt anger.

“Of course! She left me here all alone! All for what??! A country that doesn’t even know her name? She’ll be forgotten like the rest of the heroes! Nobody’s going to remember her and what about Kotaro? Did she even for a second think about what would happen to her son?” Her rage growing more incense by each sentence.

“Now listen here, girl! I don’t care if you are family, but I will not let you belittle her sacrifice!” The old man butted in.

“Who the hell are you? And why are you butting in my business?” She snapped at the Oji-san that barely came up to her hips.

The old man lifted his hand like he was about to hit her when Toshinori stepped in.

“Gran Torino, please Y/N’s shocked right now. There’s no need for that.” He grabbed her hand and took her away from the hospital.

They both stood outside as the cloudy weather and humid air swarmed to create a gloomy atmosphere. She sobbed in his embrace as he hugged her close.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Shishou was protecting me. If only I was stronger then I could have saved her.”

Y/N could have blamed him, but there was no point because taking it out on her boyfriend would not bring her older sister back. So, she only hugged him tighter as if she was trying to prevent him from leaving her too.

●●●●●

Although, she should have known in hindsight that people who were meant to leave always did regardless of what you wanted. A month after nee-san’s death, Toshinori stuck close. But as timed passed, he no longer could afford to as he had to up his training to fight the villain that caused her last remaining family’s death. He was drifting farther and farther away despite her clinging to him. She felt helpless.

So, imagine her surprise when she saw Toshinori waiting for her at the Children’s home as she returned from school.

“Toshi! You’re here! This is a surprise!” she squealed with happiness and kissed his cheek quickly.

She looked around to see no one in the garden behind the facility and so she pressed her lips against his in haste.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she murmured only for him to relinquish her hold and step back. His action caused her to flinch and her heart to clench. Y/N had a terrible feeling, was someone else dead now too? Was it Kotaro? She only knew that her nephew was given up to adoption.

“Toshi? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

Toshinori only stared at the ground for a few minutes, his bangs hiding his face.

“Y/N, you and I have been together for a year and a couple of months, now right?”

She hummed an affirmative and shuffled closer to him only for Toshi to step back further.

“When I first saw you, I didn’t think we would make it this far. It wasn’t my intention. But we’ve come to care for one another. And I can’t lie to you anymore. I once told you I love you. And you told me the same, even now you look at me with expectations and love. I just can’t do this anymore. It would be wrong of me to lead you on like this.”

The words weighed upon her like someone was compressing her chest. Y/N suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe, her heart racing out of control.

“What are you saying? This doesn’t make sense just a few months ago you were telling me you loved me. Toshi, why are you lying to me? And why won’t you look at me!”

He looked up from the ground to reveal his vulnerable eyes. The same eyes that would showcase how much he cared for her. Now they were filled with fear, only to harden with determination.

“I’m not lying. I did love you months ago. But now that Shishou is gone and I’m left with her legacy. I need space and I need to grow. I don’t need someone who will cling to me and expect me to solve all her problems! You’re suffocating me and I can’t breathe around you. When you needed me months ago, I felt like I could make everything better for you. But now I know the truth that even heroes can’t save everyone-“

She interrupted his tirade with a choked sob and his face twisted with agony.

“Get out,” she whispered.

Just like all those months ago when Nana-neesan left her behind at this lonely place, Y/N hardened her heart once again.

“I said GET OUT! I don’t want to see your face again!” She screamed.

“Y/N, I—” He reached out to her.

“Don’t! I never asked for your help. I never asked for you to come save me. I was fine by myself then and I’m going to be fine now. So, I’m giving you your freedom. Get out, Yagi Toshinori.”

She waited a few minutes for him to leave, only he wasn’t. He kept staring at her with torment.

“Fine, I’ll do you one last favor because in the past we loved and respected each other.” With that, she left him in that back garden only to keep walking until that facility was out of sight.

●●●●��

Y/N realized years later that the people who leave and those who you leave behind don’t really disappear from your life. The experiences and memories she retained left their marks on her like a blueprint. So, she instead decides to fill those spaces with new passions and loves. Y/N graduated from college and eventually went on to become a teacher. She figured that either she could despair about the circumstances she was dumped with or she could turn it into an opportunity. 

While remaining under the custody of the prefecture she was able to get financial help to further her education and make something out of her life. All the while searching for her last kin, Kotaro. There were a few paper trails as to who exactly adopted her nephew, but they lead nowhere; she kept an eye out for any information regarding him.

As she moved on and created a life for herself, he eventually came back to Japan. Bursting into the scene as a top hero, it was hard to see him at first. But even that ache disappeared as his face cropped up on every single piece of merchandise possible. She even reluctantly bought an All Might ramen only because that was her favorite flavor and it happened to be endorsed by him.

But she never did expect to meet him face to face years later.

●●●●●

A villain cackled as the hostages and Y/N waited anxiously for a hero to rescue them. She was just minding her business, trying to deposit her usual check when this unfortunate incident happened. However, she didn’t realize that the more frightening individual was the man coming to rescue them. Not the low tier criminal. All too soon she heard his joy-filled laugh, it uplifted the spirits of those surrounding him and flooded her up with more regret.

‘I should have just stayed home. This could have waited till tomorrow.’ She couldn’t help but think.

When everyone else was rescued, she kept her head down trying to escape before he noticed her. There were like 50 other hostages hopefully they won’t notice. But luck was not on her side as an EMT called her over and began checking for signs of distress. Y/N only scowled with annoyance at the pestering man who seemed to realize she wasn’t too happy and was all too eager to let her go.

Unfortunately for her, she also got stopped by an officer who wanted to take a statement. Regrettably, Y/N couldn’t intimidate the officer into letting her go and with reluctance, she started answering her questions.

“Name, age, and occupation. And what you were doing at the bank?” The officer drawled.

“My name is L/N Y/N and I’m 26 years old. I’m an elementary school teacher and I was going to deposit my recent check when this event happened.”

The officer continued with her bored composure writing down the answers before letting Y/N go with a bow.

She sighed with relief and was about to step away when at the same time she saw All Might turn around after talking to a detective. The two looked across each other through the mayhem and made eye contact. Even from far away, she could see the way his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped in surprise. Her face paled and she quickly took off in any direction trying to avoid the man she hadn’t thought about in years.

Y/N ran for blocks, hightailing it in her heels. The awful shoes pinched and dug into her feet. But when she stopped to see no one pursuing she relaxed and thought that the pain was worth avoiding the awkward past.

Only for All Might to come flying through the city and landing unceremoniously in front of her.

‘This just isn’t my day is it?’ her thoughts spiraled as she longingly eyed the street behind the robust hero.

“Y/N! I’m so glad to see you! I’ve been looking for you, but you disappeared after graduating college,” he began.

“Well, that’s what happens when you don’t want people to find you. Toshinori, why were you looking for me? We aren’t friends and we didn’t end on a good note. There’s no need for happy reunions now are there? Excuse me,” she replied trying to bypass the hero.

He grabbed her hand to prevent her from leaving.

“Wait! That’s what I want to talk about. When I left, I said some horrible things to you and despite everything, I still care about you. I never should have said any of it to you especially knowing what you were going through.”

Y/N paused and listened to his words; she licked her dry lips nervously and wondered if his words held any merit now.

“Back then you lied, didn’t you? You were leaving for America and so you decided to pick up on my nee-san’s bad habit of lying and misleading people to protect them.”

She turned around to face him, the man that broke her heart all those years ago.

“H-how did you know?”

Y/N let out a weak chuckle. “I tracked him down. When we broke up and I eventually lost my pride. I came to find you and convince you to give us another chance. But the Oji-san told me you already left for America. And that’s when I knew you were lying. I suppose you learned from the best. She never told me the truth, you know? I never knew about the burden of One for All and I never knew about All for One. All this time I was kept in the dark and I had all these questions running through my mind. I’m not sure if the answers would have made me happier but I would have eventually understood. And she even took that away from me.”

Y/N finally took a close look at Toshi and noticed all the hard edges to his face. He was more mature, and his body was rippled with muscles. But his eyes were still the same. Those ocean eyes she loved so much.

He looked at her sadly and bowed deeply. “I’m sorry, Y/N. Please forgive me. I just wanted to keep you safe. I lost Shishou and I couldn’t lose you too.”

She felt embarrassed at the reverence Japan’s biggest hero was showing her, a nobody.

“Please, there’s no need for that. I’m not mad anymore. I’m happy for you, Toshi. And I’m happy for your success.”

He straightened up and gave her a wobbly smile that didn’t suit All Might. Y/N decided this emotional reunion was getting too much for her, she stepped around him once more. He once again grabbed her hand to prevent Y/N from leaving.

“Where are you going? We just met after so long.”

Y/N only smiled sadly at him.

“I’m tired of people lying to me and I’m tired of waiting for people to come back.”

He only looked confused and tried desperately to reassure her.

“I’m right here in front of you and I’ve come back.”

She placed her hand on top of his and slowly unraveled his fingers and his tight grip.

“You didn’t come back for me. Go become the symbol of peace like she wanted. I’ll be watching and cheering you on. Safe and sound from afar like you wanted, but just not with you.”

Toshinori was speechless for the first time since he appeared in front of her. His eyes’ shine now seemed a bit duller and suspiciously wet.

Y/N repeated his earlier gesture and bowed deeply to him with respect.

“Thank you so much and goodbye, All Might.”

He didn’t try to stop her that time and let her leave. As Y/N walked down that empty street and looked above to see the crescent moon shining brightly, she couldn’t help but think to herself that she was all grown up now and no longer needed Toshi or nee-san to feel whole.

[orsuliya]

Alright! Time for part 3 of married!Awu/XQ headcanons. This time? It’s all about the children!

There is nothing unplanned about Awu’s second pregnancy. The subject of children comes up again not long after Awu reunites with Xiao Qi after the so-called death of the latter. Their days in Ningshuo may be filled with the hustle and bustle of preparing for the upcoming march on the capital, but evenings and nights? Those are for holding each other close in search of comfort and reassurance. If not for that, Awu would scarcely have the strength to let Xiao Qi out of her eyesight during those first days and weeks.

During one of those quiet Ningshuo evenings Awu finally breaks. She has had to be strong for so long, all the while half-believing she would never be allowed the luxury of being weak in her husband’s arms again, that even now it takes time for her to let go and simply cry. When tears finally do come out, so do all of Awu’s past fears, leaving her one by one in an unstoppable torrent. Fear for those reliant on her, for the orphaned country and for her own fate; all of those are carefully listened to and soothed with words, silent affection and sense of complete togetherness.

One of those fears? Had you died, had you truly left me alone, what would I have of you for all the years to come? she asks, her voice muffled, her face pressed into her husband’s neck. There is a good reason why she was prepared to die after exacting her revenge. Far too many sleepless nights in Hulan had been spent imagining the long, dreary years of her widowhood. Ten, twenty, thirty years of loneliness, seeing her nephews and nieces being born and then growing up, with nothing, not even her husband’s sword to put in that bloody chapel; would that have been her fate?

She hits him – not too hard, but hard enough for it to be more than a playful tap – when he says that, in time, she would remarry and find happiness again. Would you?! she demands angrily, then softens, once she reads the answer in his eyes. A man should take responsibility from the beginning to the end. Not even a bloody sword to be mounted on the family altar, she laughs tiredly. You owe me, my Prince Yuzhang, you owe me and I shall be your most merciless creditor. Give me a child with your smile, one with your hands and eyes, she demands, pressing insistent kisses to that smile, to those hands and eyes, and then and only then will I consider myself satisfied.

He would, you know, he would have given her a dozen children if that were only possible, but surely she must know that it is not, it can never be in this lifetime. Awu can have anything else for the payment of his debt; he knows he owes her and will give her all that she may wish for that she does not already own. She wants children? Fine, she may have all the orphans in Ningshuo for the raising, if that will bring her joy. But he doesn’t, can never regret putting her health above all else and would give her five more miracle flowers if he had to…

Yes, Awu finally shuts her husband up, unable to take any more of this lethal sincerity. How? Well, the exact method I shall leave to your imagination, but the gist of it is as follows: Xiao Qi is not getting off that easily. They can and will have that child. How? Well, Awu might have plotted with Doctor Shen towards that goal and it will work this time. Maybe not now, maybe it will take another few months or years of fiery needles, but it’s not like they are in hurry. There is no way Awu will agree to have a child in the middle of a civil war, so her husband should really get on with restoring peace in all Cheng. Not right now! In the morning should be soon enough.

____________________________________

It does take some time, first to restore peace and then for Awu to actually get pregnant. In the meantime, she does take all the orphans in Ningshuo as an advance on that debt, not to mention their first son and daughter, Xiaohe and Qinzhi.

Doctor Shen, who – struck with a sudden premonition – had moved to Ningshuo among much grumbling and trembling over the contents of his priceless apothecary, is rewarded with the dubious honour of playing witness to Xiao Qi’s complete meltdown. The first thing our brave general does upon hearing of his wife’s pregnancy is to hug her and refuse to let go for a good while, not that she protests. The second thing? He panics like he’s never panicked before. Doctor Shen comes upon his noble patron, well, not hyperventilating, we’re talking about Xiao Qi here, remember. But certainly in throes of a good old anxiety attack. It’s… an experience for the good doctor, that’s for sure.

Thankfully Doctor Shen manages to talk Xiao Qi out of his wildest ideas. Like, for example, shutting Awu in her rooms in the middle of Ningshuo Fortress and standing guard over her until the baby is born. Yeah, that was not Xiao Qi’s proudest moment. Doctor Shen promises not to tell anyone of this sudden bout of unreasonable behaviour and keeps his word… for about three days, when he gladly throws Xiao Qi under the bus in order to ensure Awu’s full compliance with his own, medically justified safety measures.

Mind you, even Doctor Shen cannot work miracles, which he comes to bitterly regret in those next few months. Panicked Xiao Qi and worried Turnip Wang make for a truly hellish duo and Ningshuo soon experiences a steady trickle of accomplished doctors from the capital. Some of them have clearly been dragged out of their comfortable practices under duress, for others it’s quite an adventure. The latter soon find themselves put to work; no use in simply standing around and deliberating over a stunningly healthy woman when there are actual patients in need to be seen to!

____________________________________

Awu considers Xiao Qi’s debt fully repaid the moment she sees her son smile for the first time. Xiao Qi, an overachiever that he is, doesn’t quite agree… and a few years later they try for another child; this time it’s a daughter. One - as Xiao Qi likes to brag - as beautiful as her mother and isn’t it lucky that he has an army fit to guard the greatest treasures in all Cheng? Awu thinks that it would serve him right should Treasure the Younger marry an officer of that very army in the future. She doesn’t, by the way, but that is an entirely different story.

The children are named Yunshuo and Yunning, which is a reason of much good-natured teasing. Even among the children themselves. Yunning, once she grows to an age when she starts to assert her dominance, insists that really, her brother should listen to her in all things. He may be older in years, that much is true, but Ning always comes before Shuo, everybody knows that!

Jinruo’s words come true after all: Xiao Yunning is Awu’s tiny copy, only, according to Awu herself, twice as bossy and confident. Xiao Qi never questions this claim, at least not out loud, but Uncle Asu has no such qualms and immediately provides a good half-dozen stories to that effect. Now, Yunning has every chance to grow up spoiled with a mother who applauds her strong character, a father who might seem strict, yet folds like wet paper at the first sight of a trembling lip and a whole bunch of playmates only too easily coaxed into following her commands. And she very well might have... if not for one Hu Yao (who is alive and you won’t convince me otherwise, ha!). The younger Hu, a true Ningshuo legend, enjoys great authority among recruits and veterans both; she proves a match for a head-strong girl like Yunning, although only barely. No, Hu Yao’s pupil doesn’t become a general in her own right, choosing another path instead… but she keeps up with her training in the years to come.

Xiao Yunshuo, affectionately called Xiao Xiao, is no warrior in the making, being of a rather gentle disposition, something that he never grows out of, for all that this gentle disposition later turns out to hide a character of pure steel. Oh, make no mistake, Yunshuo is perfectly competent with weapons and on horseback, but it is not something that comes naturally to him, nor does he find much joy in fighting. This becomes blatantly obvious once he starts advanced training. Every child under Awu’s care is taught enough to be able to defend themselves or know when to run away, but nobody is forced to persist with military training, should they not wish to. Yunshuo persists all the same, making continuous progress. It’s only natural that he does: he’s rather frighteningly smart, that boy, and he works hard.

A bit too hard, as it turns out. Xiao Qi becomes suspicious of his son’s behaviour and makes sure to ‘accidentally’ come upon one of Yunshuo’s solitary and completely unsanctioned training sessions. Why, he asks and becomes rather angry once the truth starts coming out. No, not with Yunshuo. With himself, for not preventing this whole issue from existing in the first place. See, Yunshuo thinks it shameful that he, the firstborn and only son of Prince Yuzhang, the greatest general and warrior Cheng has had for generations, will never be able to become a worthy successor to his famous father. No, nobody has said anything, but Yunshuo is not stupid, he knows what he is and is not capable of!

Xiao Qi takes a minute to consider his next words carefully. In the end, he tells the truth: when he was a bit older that Yunshuo is now, he had no valuable skills, no education, no family and no real hope for the future. Signing up for an army was pretty much the easiest choice to make for somebody who didn’t really have all that much to live for. Killing people? Is not that difficult. All it takes is a good sharpened sword and some basic training. Learning to protect people, well, that was a bit harder; took Xiao Qi some years and a lot grief and pain to master that. Everything else – building a true home, making peace for yourself and everybody else, and creating a lasting, better future? That’s Awu’s forte and her work. There is no shame in having different skills, explains Xiao Qi. Find what you do best and make sure that it is of use to somebody. That’s it. Whatever Yunshuo’s skills, as long as at the end of the day he is be ready to use them to protect what is dear to him, he will be a warrior in his father’s eyes.

Xiao Yunshuo takes his father’s words to heart and, when the time comes, relays them to his own children. He never becomes a one man army, for all that he takes care not to let his skill with weapons go to rust. He does, however, become a great lord and statesman, and a startlingly brilliant strategist to boot; his advice is greatly appreciated by his older brother, the brave General Xiao Xiaohe… as well as by his brother-in-law, the Emperor of Cheng himself.

In Ningshuo, despite all his merits and great dignity, Xiao Yunshuo stays Xiao Xiao long, long after becoming a father himself.

____________________________________

Xiao Yunning is widely held by the ministers of Cheng to be the cause for at least a quarter of their grey hair. And all because of one rather tiny, if rather infamous deed. Okay, maybe not that tiny… But it is not Yunning’s fault that Xiao Qi had made such an impression on a bunch of delicate noblemen over twenty years earlier!

Once His Imperial Majesty, one Ma Jing, successfully negotiates puberty, it becomes a matter of national importance to supply him with a wife of appropriate station, character, beauty and fertility, the first and the last being the most important, of course. The true war over who will become the Empress of Cheng does not start until His Imperial Majesty becomes a fully-grown man; that is not until the Prime Minister’s eldest daughter comes of age. Having another Wang Empress is seen as inevitable by many; others are rather eager to see the streak of Wang Empresses die a final death. The idea of courting a foreign princess gets briefly thrown around and then soundly rejected. It’s a pity that all of His Majesty’s marriageable cousins with even a drop of Ma blood have the same family name, says somebody who sounds suspiciously like a true Classist Wei. For a moment there is complete silence as the thoughts of everyone present turn to the one cousin who is neither a Ma or a Wang.

See, Xiao Qi and Awu could easily make their daughter an Empress… if they thought that it would make her happy. They have nothing against Jing’er, why, he’s a beloved nephew to them both and they have taken a good measure of his character during the time he spent in Ningshuo, which amounts to a good couple of years. If they were to be honest, Yunning could use a husband this good-natured and conciliatory, and Jing’er would do well with an Empress of Yunning’s strength of character. There is also the matter of a rather touching childhood crush… but since Yunning herself has nothing but derogatory words for this whole imperial marriage mart mess, there is nothing to be done. Nothing to be done at all, as Xiao Qi quite readily assures his brother-in-law, adding that being an Empress is not an easy fate and one that he would not wish on anybody. Asu, long-used to not truly understanding Xiao Qi’s ambitions or rather the lack thereof, takes this assurance on its merits and goes back to planning his own daughter’s imperial wedding.

Rather surprisingly it’s Jing’er who becomes the greatest obstacle to Asu’s dynastic plans. Somehow he never really says no… but no mercenary father can ever pin him long enough to force him to say yes to any of the myriad of candidates. This stand-off lasts for some time, to Xiao Qi’s quiet amusement and Turnip’s frustration. Awu, on the other hand, becomes rather pensive, although she refuses to share her suspicions with anybody. It’s not like she has any proof…

...until her daughter provides her with all the proof she could have ever wished for.

The day another group of potential candidates is to be presented at court, Xiao Yunning pulls a Xiao Qi, causing many a minister to relieve their old trauma. Yes, she marches into the throne room accompanied by six of her companions, most of which do rather poorly at concealing weapons under their dresses. Yes, she climbs the stairs without as much as a by-your-leave. Yes, she does all of that while wearing clothing in a colour appropriate for the occasion. In this case? Wedding red. The main difference is that Ma Jing is a much wiser Emperor than Ma Zitan and grants Yunning’s petition immediately and with good grace.

The reason why Yunning did what she did, leaving Jing’er with no choice but to accept her suit? Well, that childhood crush might have been rather more than a crush. Really, Yunning would have had it in the bag the day of her coming-of-age ceremony, were His Imperial Majesty not such a noble bore. I cannot condemn you to carry this burden with me before you really know what you want, he said, every word disgustingly noble and self-sacrificial. You are not somebody who can be caged, so go and spread your wings and I shall wait for you for as long as it takes, he offered in a rather suspiciously bland tone of voice. Really, one could almost believe that Jing’er actually bought into that silly rumour that Xiao Qi requires every prospective son-in-law to fight him with live steel. Which, by the way, is not true. He only ever fought two rather persistent young lordlings who couldn’t understand that Qinzhi’s no means no.

Everything ends rather well for all interested parties, although Turnip keeps grumbling about having an unfairly deceitful brother-in-law. Awu quickly shuts him down, if only to get in her own portion of shameless teasing. See, if Xiao Qi wanted to avoid such situations, then he should have given his children a better example. This quickly devolves into a round of Yuzhang-style teasing, which prompts a stark realization from Xiao Yunning. She might be the Empress-to-be now, but even being thrice an Empress would still give her no power to stop her parents from being a pair of embarrassing old people in love. Jing’er, ever the conciliator, shows his diplomatic skill by proposing that she might have her revenge… by being one half of a pair of embarrassing young people in love.

The Wang Princess of that generation, a rather lovely and wise young woman by the name of Wang Xu, is not all that sad about losing a chance at the throne. Why, her tastes were always rather specific and in general ran more to generals than delicate young nobles. Now, this Xiao Xiaohe looks like an interesting specimen and certainly worthy of taking a closer look, should one be in-market for a pet general of one’s own...

[ladyherenya]

This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood. 

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

*

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

 *

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★ 

*

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely --  I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

*

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

*

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

*

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed. 

*

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

*

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage.  Another solid murder mystery.  The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases:  My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

*

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

*

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

*

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells:  Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

*

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends  leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

*

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

*

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

[missbonekitty]

@fluff-pink-fox : Ayo OwO how did Iggy and Idia start dating I'm genuinely interested

;;

I've been thinking about this on and off so I'm probably going to be free writing this off the top of my head (thank u ♥)

Okay so Iggy is a third year so she's been there as long as Idia has. ....I don't know if I've written down her past on here before?? This might get kinda long. Under a cut it goes!!

Iggy came to NRC an orphan, scarred and traumatized from the loss of her entire family in a massive conflagration that took the her childhood home. The only survivor, she lost her mother, father and two younger siblings. The fire burned not only exceedingly hot, but in vibrant shades of purple and blue. I'll eventually get around to why that is if anyone is interested.

So basically when she arrived at NRC right after that, having nowhere else to go anyway, Idia was... scary. Lol His hair reminded her of what very vividly of what she'd just experienced only a few months before.

Despite being in the same dorm, I think she probably avoided him as much as he avoided social interaction with the majority of the student body. (Not knowing much about the dorm, or Idia yet, or when he became the head of Ignihyde kinda suuuucks when writing out this stuff.)

It was probably at least in the latter half of the first year, or maybe even into the second, for the mere sight of him to no longer trigger any kind of traumatic memory, especially as she began to repress a lot of it and come out of her shell. For her first year at NRC she was just as reclusive as he was.

As she began to grow more accustomed to the school and the students, the chaotic way of life that is NRC (minus the Overblots, as those apparently didnt start til Yuu arrived??) she regretted the way she had treated Idia, essentially running from him everytime she saw him as rare as that was. But trying to find out more about him/speak with him funnily enough ended up the same way, with him bolting from her. So she started talking to Ortho, interested in not only his older brother, but everything about HIM as well. Ortho is such a sweetheart, his appearance certainly one of a kind at NRC, and as an Ignihyde student she was curious about his life.

Iggy was already a giant nerd for technology (marrying it with magic a lot of the time), music, anime and gaming. So honestly I think that Ortho probably helped with getting the two together, or at least to a place where Idia would talk to Iggy. It probably started through his tablet, or online before he might have felt comfortable enough to talk to her in person. The latter probably took a good 6 months or more. At that point she already had a gigantic crush on this tall otaku dork.

There might have been a bit of a backslide in their talking in person when the first time they did she immediately confessed and his fiery hair, and his face, flared up. She paled considerably but managed to squash her own desire to flee from that (she's done a lot of work to repress her past and the emotions that came with it)... even as he muttered a long line of sentences under his breath and took off for his room.

It took another week for her to convince him that she meant what she had said, and that she didnt think he was weird or that his hair was scary or any of the other negative things she'd started to become familiar with him saying about himself.

Honestly, from the first time they knew about one another, it probably took til almost the middle of their second year for them to start very tentatively dating. Tentatively on his end because Iggy is very.. forward and open about her feelings not only toward him but kind of toward everything. In that regard she's pretty much his exact opposite. She tries to not push him with anything he finds extremely worrying or uncomfortable, but she's a very affectionate and open person, giving him space when he needs it but always ready to run at him in the hallway (whenever he has to leave his room) because she's anything but ashamed of her feelings for him.

[0ghostwriter0]

Peaky Blinders Imagines

This is a bit random. This is not edited or proof read so please read and like if you want. Not tagging anyone for this as can be very sensitive.

Pairings: Thomas Shelby x Original Character (Lucille Hughes)

Warnings: Suicide but no major detail, emotions, violence, mention of affairs, swearing

The two meet for the first time when Shelbys chose to expand to south London. Lucille is the niece of Father Hughes so she’s uses to a different way to life.

Before the war, Lucille was abused by her father sexually and physically. His excuse was that he blamed his daughter for not being able to conceive another child after her birth. A fact that her mother had turned a blind eye to. During the war, Lucille was 14 when her father had left for the war and months later she would be orphaned following her fathers death in action which triggered her mother’s depression. By 1924, the 24 year old had been running the Hughes for 10 years. The Hughes were powerful business people but an even more powerful London based Gang. Much to the young Lucille’s dismay, the Hughes became notorious. Being the only person to hand during the war, it was her responsibility to control the legal and illegal business from going under. During the years of the war, Lucille face abuse and hardship from every angle. Much to her surprise, the uncle who comforted her sought out to abuse and rape her for many years before she claimed her full power in the Hughes during 1919. After which the young woman had prematurely aged in wisdom and became one of the most powerful gang leaders in London. After the Italians and Russians were run out of London by the Shelby’s, the young Hughes became a legend. The death of Father Hughes allowed Lucille to hide in the shadows and conduct her business as she saw fit. The once well known woman of society, started to decline from social events until she stop attending, the risk was too high to be left unguarded with socialites. As her power grew so did her lack of trust and rightly so.

By 1931, Lucille was reacquainted with Thomas Shelby. The two began their professional relationship but Lucille wanted an out. Thomas began to see a different side to Lucille that she tried to keep away from her work- the abused woman. Following his wife’s ultimatum, Mr Shelby kept Lizzie away from charity events in order to get closer to Lucille. But when Lizzie, got paranoid about Thomas sleeping with other women even though she said he could “sleep with another if they weren’t in their home and he hadn’t held his children’s hand the day prior”. The MP had been falling out of his marriage for years but for the sake of his children he would stay. One after noon, Lucille had received an invitation for a charity ball being held by the Shelby foundation. Such an invitation had not been received by Ms Hughes for quite sometime and with the added protection of the peaky blinders, Lucille chose to attend. The night was tedious. Lucille sipped on gin as she warmed up to the riches, even though she was also now a woman with money she felt out of place. After hours had passed, the near 31 year old started her goodbyes before meeting eye to eye with Thomas Shelby.

“I’ve heard that you’re making your great escape before the host can by such a beautiful lady a drink”

“Shouldn’t that woman be your dear wife”

“She neglected to join me tonight”

“Too bad she’s a lovely person to hold conversation”

“Not behind closed doors”

“I must be taking my leave Mr Shelby, I imagine the Monday meeting is still to go a head”

Thomas nodded and placed a kiss on the young woman’s cheek before escorting her to the door. Little to his knowledge, Lizzie had watched the encounter and after Thomas watched Lucille go, Lizzie confronted him.

“So that’s your new whore good to know she has no morals”

“What do you want Lizzie!”

“I want you to be mine, my husband not fucking whores”

“I’m not having this tonight Lizzie, there’s a room full of people waiting for me to go back out so just fucking leave it”

“So you are fucking her. Brilliant. I should have divorced you when I had the chance.”

“Divorce! You want a divorce, fine, I’ll give you one. Lizzie Stark you’re no longer my wife. You no longer have to worry about my business. Oh and that woman, the one that left, I haven’t fucked her”

In the days that followed, no one would have expected the events that unravelled.

It was the following Wednesday when Thomas Shelby proceeded to hand over the divorce papers as a man of his word. The past whore sat silently as she watched the Shelby walk away- walk out of her life. The peaky blinder was far from okay but would never let show the heartache he was suffering. His first wife died and haunts his days. His second, the woman who mothered Ruby and took care of his son, paranoid and divorced. He needed a friend, someone he could drink with and forget. Although, the only person he wanted to see was the lovely Lucille who always found a way to put him in his place.

Later that day, events occurred which no one could predict. Perhaps the only way you leave this family is through smoke clouds. It was around 11 when the Hughes meeting started.

“Now I know what you're going to all say so I'll say it for you. Why are we here? Well, it's come to my attention that over the years I've let things slip through the cracks. So if you're in this room, then you are one of the very few that hold my trust. I can count you all on two hands and I'm willing to cut off fingers. So I suggest you leave or prove that I chose correctly” she sat and waited for one of the rugged faces to stand an walk out on the Hughes for good.

“Right then, there's a file under your chairs. This information stays in the room. Any issues we sort them out now.”

They spent the next 2 hours editing and explain the lengths of the documents. It was 1:15 when Sophia, the Secretary, interrupted whilst stumbling through the door.

“Sophia, dear we're in the middle of a meeting, ” Lucille spoke softly while looking up from her hard oak desk. Although, after immediately meeting the gaze of the stumbling woman, Lucille nodded.

“There's a Lizzie to see you”

“Send her in, I'm sorry about the disruption this should only take a moment” Lucille nodded as she responded. Soon, a distraught sight of a woman entered the office.

“Mrs Selby, what-” her words caught off.

“You don't get to say that name, you whore.”

“Lizz-”

“Dont you fucking dare. He gave me these. I'm guessing your fucking doing!” Lizzie bellowed which shocked the room. Although, Lucilles attention was drawn to the divorce papers that fell on her desk.

“I knew you were fucking him behind my-”Lizzie was cut off by Lucille standing.

“Now I will stop you there, Ms Stark, I suggest you take a walk and return when you've calmed down. These papers have no reason to involve me, so please kindly leave”

“Im not leaving until you understand” as a gun was raise Lucille remained calm as she stood from her seat.

“Do you want to shoot me?” Lucille spoke softly as she gestured for the others in the room to hold their horses. Stepping around her desk, Lucille didn't hesitate to stand closer to Lizzie.

“As I see it you have two choices, stand here and shoot me or hand me the gun and go home.”

“I have no home. I've lost everything. So it's your turn.”

“You still have your daughter and your dignity so I suggest you hand me the gun or shoot me now” Lucille stepped closer.

In this moment, time started to freeze over.

From the corner of her eye, a man rose from his seat as Lizzie cocked her gun. Turning slowly, Lucille regretted taking her eye off of the distraught woman.

The next moments will haunt her for the rest of her life.

She felt the spatter before she heard the sound. One single shot. It wasn't the man she was now facing who had made that single shot. Trembling subtly, Lucille ran her fingers over the splatter of fluid that grazed her cheek. Her fears had been confirmed. Time stood still as the younger woman turned to the spot previously occupied by a broken woman. It was empty. Lucille refused to look down as the shocked faces confirmed what she needed to know.

Looking around the room, she planned the next step.

“In light of this sensitive event, I ask you all to hold your tongue on today’s events. Go home, kiss your other halves and I will converse with you when I am proficient.” she watchedas they all filtered out. Turning quickly,

“You ever try that again I will have your head. I was in control and you tried to be the alpha male. Today this is on me but next time it's on you. Now go.” she spoke harshly with a soft undertone as the burly man dropped his head and left like a stray dog.

The boss watched as the alpha male left and her heart dropped as Sophia started to head for the door.

“Sophia, dear I suggest you don't come in any further. Send for Mr Shelby, say nothing and take the rest of the week off. Inform the rest of the offices to leave for the week.” Sophia nodded and scurried away.

Fear filled her mind as she sunk on to the top of her desk before finally looking down. Lizzie Shelby had blown herself out. Yes Lucille was attracted to Thomas Shelby but knowing full well that Thomas was spoken for and a business partner of the Hughes. But now she had blood on her hands -her face- something she vowed never to do. She became everything her mother and father wanted except she wasn't a man.

[ad1thi]

henlo adi tis i with a request for some stevetony fics,,, angsty if you have 'em 💓

okay so this rec list is mainly classic stevetony fics, but i assure you - there’s angsty ones in there (ive marked the angsty ones with a 😞 so you can identify them quicker) just a general note that a lot of authors are going to repeat, because there are some authors that (imo) are stevetony staples (so if you see an author more than once - thats a sign that ALL of their stevetony is good and ive cherry picked the ones i love the most) (ive also marked those authors with a 🌟) 

//

in the light of limerence:  @shell-heads

It's the final game of the season, their biggest one yet, and there's only one question on everybody's mind: who the hell is Captain Steve Rogers' boyfriend, and why does Cap keep dodging questions about him?

"You gotta admit it's suspicious that only Bucky and Sam have met your boyfriend, dude," Clint points out as he shoves Pietro away with a smirk, pulling the uniform over his head and tugging it down. "We've known you, what-two years? We've never seen the guy even once."

"And your phone mysteriously only has pictures of Tony Stark," Johnny Storm adds as he joins the conversation, knocking knees with Thor when he sits down on one of the benches. "Tony Stark, who has at least ten fansites and personally assured me he's had a boyfriend for the past five years."

"I can't believe Cap is actually out here acting like Tony Stark's boyfriend," Luke says with a smirk, resting against a wall without a care.

"I can't believe you guys still think this is a joke," Sam throws back while tossing his other dirty sock at Luke, who dodges it smoothly.

In little more than ten minutes, the biggest question of Shield University is answered with much aplomb by none other than Tony Stark himself.

almeno tu nell'universo: @silkspectred 😞 🌟 (funfact: this is the fic that got me into stevetony) 

Tony drives off.

Well, he wants to.

But he can’t.

Because.

Steve Rogers is in front of his car.

Steve fucking Rogers. Is in front of Tony’s fucking car.

Rookie and Jailbait Take On The World: @theapplepielifestyle 🌟

“You really should be in school, you know.”

“Why would I be there when I could be here, solving crimes with my favourite rookie?” Tony flashes a grin, and Steve’s stomach twists like it did on the first day.

Teenager, Steve’s mind supplies. Definitely not legal, stop doing fluttery things, stomach.

Thumb, Index and Pinky Extended: @/Eudoxia 😞

Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

I (created from fantasies) exist solely for you: @mizzy2k

Six years ago, without the Avengers Initiative there to save the day, scientist Dr. Eric Selvig sacrificed himself to save the world, the almighty demi-god Thor was lost to a terrible storm, and vigilante Iron Man – spotted with a nuclear weapon trying to take advantage of the situation – was forever labelled an enemy of SHIELD.

This is a comic book office AU, where Steve is defrosted a year too late, Thor has forgotten who he is, and no one knows Tony is Iron Man.

Also includes: office pranks, inappropriate post-it notes, and superheroes who like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Celestial Navigation: @sabrecmc

Celestial Navigation: 18 year old Omega!Tony finds himself Bonded to Captain Steve Rogers. He isn't happy about it until he is.

By request, here is CN in one place without other stories and artwork.

Ironsides: @copperbadge 🌟

Antonia Carter Stark takes no shit and no prisoners.

Paved With Good Intentions (I’m On The Road To Hell): @itsallavengers 😞 🌟

When the mysterious group of vigilante assassins known only as 'The Avengers' are tipped off about the dirty secrets that lie within Stark Industries, Steve Rogers has his heart set on taking out Tony Stark for good in order to protect the rest of the world from his evil. He's seen the footage, after all- Stark is a man who fights only for himself. And of course, when a job arises as chief bodyguard for Stark, to protect him from the growing threat of an ominously infatuated stalker, the opportunity is way too good for him to miss out on. It's the perfect placement, and the perfect way to find out whether or not their tipoff is genuine.

But as Steve falls into rank as the new bodyguard for Mr. Stark and he spends time getting to know and protect him, his initial hatred begins to falter and merge into something different, something far more terrifying than the prospect of killing the face of Stark Industries.

Steve Rogers may just be falling in love with him instead.

The Problem With Communication: @itsallavengers

Steve is terrible at flirting, but when he finally picks up the courage to talk to the adorable barista who makes his drinks, he finds himself hitting a small snag:

That being, Tony is deaf. He doesn't know what Steve is saying.

But never say Steve Rogers does not rise to a challenge.

Killing Me Softly (With His Song): @itsallavengers

Steve is Tony's whole world. Tony couldn't imagine life without him. They've grown up together, after all.

Steve gets cancer.

Open Field In Front of Him: orphan account

Steve Rogers's football season is functionally over after a loss to Rutgers, but he finds a distraction in Tony Stark (yes, THAT Tony Stark). A college AU Stony fic.

Good For You: @orbingarrow 😞

Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.

The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.

COMPLETE 5/27/16 Edited to add art as last chapter on 6/23/16

Wrapped Up In Clover: @festiveferret

It's been seven years since Steve and Tony split up, and Steve's sure he'll never see Tony again. He's finally managed to put their failed relationship behind him and move on, focusing on his friends and building his business. But then his best friends, Bucky and Clint, decide to get married, and their wedding week at a cabin resort in Vermont turns into a minefield of heartbreak for Steve.

little green soldiers: @/nasa 🌟

“Rhodey,” Tony says. “I’m not stupid. He’s shipping out in three months. I’m not going to fall in love with him.”

Tony is a student at MIT; Steve is a soldier. They meet at a house party six months before Steve is set to deploy. This is their story.

flesh and bone: @/nasa 😞

“You or Rogers?” they ask, brandishing a knife or a gun or a flame.

“Me,” Tony says, over and over again. “Me, me, me,” always me.

Buried: @not-close-to-straight

When Howard Stark demands Tony work at a dig site in S.America one summer to "build character" and "learn about life", Tony is furious. But then he meets soldier/archeologist Steve and falls in love with blue eyes and a perfect smile. 

Just as they are ready to move forward together, Steve leaves abruptly with no explanation and breaks Tonys heart. Ten years later, Tony stumbles across the file for the old dig site. He's determined to visit and shut it down, but discovers that instead of a village, the dig has uncovered a temple and actually needs MORE money to stay open. A security team is hired to protect the staff and the artefacts they find, and Tony comes face to face with Steve Rogers all over again– except Steve is bearded and BIGGER and way more dangerous than he used to be...And Tony likes it.

When the camp is attacked, Steve jumps into action, snatching Tony and running into the jungle to escape and work their way towards safety. But long days and nights together bring back old feelings, and one day Steve takes a risk and asks Tony to give them another chance. Will Tony say yes? Or is his heart buried too far for the soldier-turned- archaeologist-turned-mercenary to find it?

don’t know why it took me so long to see: @3799steps 

“Oh, watch this,” Natasha says, propping her chin against her knuckles and turning a sweet gaze on him. “Tony, what’s it like dating a superhero?”

Tony bristles in irritation. “We’re not dating,” he snaps. “Captain America probably thinks he can get into anyone’s pants just ‘cause he’s got a mask, costume, and reputation, but not me, buddy. That shield? Gotta be overcompensating for something.” He adds, a bit petulantly, “Oh, and all that blue? Definitely more Steve’s color than his.”

- In which Tony is a genius in all matters except recognising his boyfriend past a mask

Heartlines: @nanasekei 🌟

“Let me,” Tony repeats. He regrets it deeply, so much, he wants to stick the words back into his mouth again, and it must show, in the way his voice wavers. He feels exposed, all of a sudden, as if he’s asking something bigger than what he can actually say. Let me touch you, let me take care of you. “Just… Let me do it.“

Feel Whole Again: @thepartyresponsible

Steve turns to leave. It’s easier to talk, somehow, when he’s not looking at him. “If you need anything,” he says, “I’m just a few floors down.”

“Might regret that, Cap,” Tony says to his retreating back. “I’ve been told I’m needy.”

Steve doesn’t know who the hell said that to Tony. It’s probably for the best that he doesn’t.

“It’s an honor,” he says, a little helpless, out of his depth and out of his time. “It’s an honor to be trusted with something like that, Tony.”

Attack Dog: @/salytierra

Steve doesn't swim in self-delusion. He knows that he is sick and that his owner is even worse. He is aware of it every time he rips some nameless guy’s throat out and feels the crunch of bones under his fingers. He is aware of it every time the rush of adrenaline at seeing life slip away from a stranger’s eyes hits him and gets him bothered and panting in ways that have nothing to do with physical exhaustion.

But it feels so good…

His owner’s approach is less personal. His shots fall clean and take out several foes at a time, his figure elegant and so graceful he looks like a god among savages. He is power incarnated, cold and burning like a sun at the same time… and Steve tries not to focus on him when they are fighting together, least his knees go weak and his technique falters. It’s fine though. They will go home afterwards and his owner will fuck him on the hard floor, with most of their gear still on and a vicious grip in his hair.

[kiwi-muses]

Kanej WIP

I’m not entirely sure if I’m going to go anywhere with this but I’ve been enjoying working on this little fic in my downtime. 

-----

It had been a few days since the fight, and Inej could tell the wound was getting worse. It was entirely her fault, for neglecting it, but in her defense, others had more serious wounds that needed attending to. Or, so she had thought. Now, she was beginning to think her wound was more serious than it initially led her to believe.

The slash was across her waist, long but not deep. She had done a quick wrap, but had forgotten to seek attention from an actual medik after she saw to the children from the slave ship. The next evening, she began to see flickers - someone walking by her just out of sight, but when she turned, no one was there. It made her uneasy. The next day, the visions got worse and Inej felt warm. Inej knew something wasn’t right when she was seeing Matthias - he was dead, and he couldn’t possibly be on her ship but there he was, right across from her in her cabin, talking to her.

They were two days from Kerch when the visions became nightmares and began to haunt her. She thought she could make it. She thought wrong.

Kaz was going about his day to day business - balancing the books, breaking some noses, and the like - when a man he had never seen literally ran into The Crow Club. It wasn’t often someone ran into the building (though people often ran out of it) and it had Kaz raising an eyebrow. The man looked around wildly, and when he caught Kaz’s eye, he made a beeline straight for him. Kaz straightened as the man came to stand in front of him. “What business?” he asked, using the customary Kerch greeting despite this man not looking as though he was from Kerch.

“I need you to come with me,” said the man. He was tall, with dark hair and dark skin, much like Inej, and had that same lilt to his voice as she did. Kaz supposed he must be Suli. He was broad shouldered with strong arms, but not too tall. Kaz could tell he was nervous, constantly twitching like he needed to be in motion.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “Not likely,” he remarked dryly.

“Please,” he said, “I need you to come to our ship. The Captain said if anything went wrong we were to come and find you.” Kaz furrowed his brows. There was only one captain of one ship on his radar, and certainly only one that might have any measure of trust to send someone to him.

Maybe it’s someone different. Maybe she sent another ship your way. “What exactly did your Captain say? Why didn’t the Captain come to me personally?”

“The Captain said if something went wrong, we needed to find Kaz Brekker - he’d be in a suit with a crow head cane, with eyes the color of bitter coffee. The Captain didn’t come because… the Captain is the problem, sir.” Kaz was beginning to get a bad feeling in his gut. The man looked around, leaned in a little closer, and said in a whisper, “There’s something wrong, and we had to contain the Captain. There was no other way, and we don’t know what to do.” Kaz very nearly growled as his eyes narrowed, and the man backed away from him. He felt that white hot fury prickle in his chest at the thought of Inej being contained, of being caged.

“Leave here, and I will come as soon as I am able.” The man clearly wanted to argue, but self preservation won out as he looked into Kaz’s shark eyes, and he departed as quickly as he had come. Kaz called for one of his new runners, an orphan Inej had saved that had nowhere else to go. “Go to the Van Eck mansion, and tell them to meet me at Berth 22.” The runner nodded, and quickly ran off. Kaz waited a few minutes, the picture of calm, before he got his coat and headed to Fifth Harbor, his mind racing with the possibilities.

Kaz wasn’t used to this panic, this unsurity. He never went into a situation without all of the information, every bit of gossip he could find. Granted, that had been harder since his Wraith had left him and the Dregs a year ago, but Dirtyhands never let that stop him. There wasn’t much that could bring his Wraith down, and the fact that something brought her down enough that she could be considered a danger to her own crew made a chill run down his spine. She loved her ship, she loved her crew. He remembered the day she set sail. It had been a month after her parents had arrived in Ketterdam, and she and Specht had spent the month gathering a crew. He hadn’t seen her much as a result, but Inej had come to see him the night before she set sail for the first time. He’d been at his desk and he felt that familiar shift in the air. Without turning around, he had said, “What business?” There had been a moment of silence, and then a quiet, “I set sail tomorrow.” He had turned around then. She’s been on his windowsill, the light of the moon dancing across her hair, and he’d had another moment where he believed in magic. “What’s your plan?” he rasped.

She settled in on the windowsill. “We’ll spend a month at sea, learning to operate as a crew. Then we’ll head to the Ravkan coast - the caravans will be traveling through, so we can drop off my parents and start hunting the slavers.”

Kaz smirked. “Efficient.” A smile flickered across Inej’s face.

“I know you don’t do goodbyes, so I figured I wouldn’t see you at the docks tomorrow. But I wanted to thank you, even though I still haven’t found the words for what you have done for me.” Her gaze was steady, and it made him feel warm.

“This city owes you for what it did to you,” he remarked. “I just made it pay up.” Inej looked at him, and he felt as though she saw right through him.

“You did this, not the city, and I will not forget that. I am not done here, Kaz Brekker.” She slid off the windowsill and made her way towards him, and his heart began to pound inside his chest. She stopped next to him, and he looked up at her as she knelt down to his side until she was eye level with him. “I am not done with you, Kaz.” His heart was galloping inside his chest as her eyes bore into his, and then she was leaning towards him. As gentle as a breeze, she pressed her lips to his cheek, and his heart felt as though it stuttered and died. She pulled away, and his body had no chance to roil in disgust at the contact of her skin, just revel in the softness of her. He brought his gloved fingertips to her cheek as she gave him a gentle smile, and then she left the way she had come, silent as the night.

Kaz reached back to that evening when the days were hard, when he needed to remember her. As he walked to Fifth Harbour, he felt that flint in his chest getting ready to strike, ready to ignite that white hot fire, if Inej was anything but perfectly well.

----

Inej knew her crew had put her in the brig. Truthfully, she couldn’t blame them after she had thrown a knife and almost hit Maji, a young boy that had joined their crew. She had been aiming for someone else… but they weren’t real, and the knife had been, and lodged itself in the very real wood of the ship. After that, Inej surrendered her knives even though it ripped something apart in her. However, it was often forgotten that the Wraith didn’t need knives to be dangerous. After she attacked the crew member who tried to look at her wound, she was tossed in the brig for their protection.

“You set sail to help the frightened girls like you,” a familiar gravely voice said. “It seems to me you just managed to frighten them in a different sort of way.” Kaz’s voice, that had been a balm to her, was a mockery. He’s not there, he’s not real. But Saints, he sounded like he was right next to her. She peeked at him past the curtain of her hair; it had long fallen from it’s braid in her struggles against the imaginary. He was standing just outside the bars.

“I knew when I gave you this ship it would be a waste.” He clicked his tongue. “I figured you’d last a touch longer though; afterall, you were the Wraith.” The past tense, the mockery - it became too much and she lunged forward, grasping the bars. Kaz didn’t flinch.

“I am still the Wraith. This doesn’t change that. It doesn’t change that I am the deadliest knife wielder in Ketterdam.” Kaz stared her down.

“It seems to me you’re just a prisoner, someone meant to be caged, whether by silks, or knives and crows, or bars. Stop trying to be something you’re not Inej.”

She could feel the tears running down her face as she pushed away from the bars, and turned her back to him. Having the voice she trusted most give volume to her fear was too much, and her heart couldn’t take it after the last two days. The first time Kaz showed up, she’d thought she had just slept through the rest of the voyage and somehow made it to Ketterdam. Her heart had stuttered seeing his familiar face. He could help her - he would figure out why she had seen Matthias, why she had seen others long dead. Kaz had looked her in the eye, and said, “Little Lynx, caged yet again. That certainly didn’t take long.” She had backed away, her breath catching in her throat at the sound of the name in the tenor of his voice.

“You don’t call me that,” she had whispered.

Kaz had laughed. “Why not? Just because I didn’t use your body doesn’t mean I didn’t use you just the same. You were a means to an end Wraith. I have my regrets about giving you up, that’s for certain.” Every word had suffocated her more and more, her eyes clenching shut and she tried to make sense of what he was saying. But when she opened her eyes, he was gone, and Specht was standing in his place.

“Where’s Kaz?” she had asked. Specht furrowed his brow. “I just saw him.”  

“Captain, he’s not here. We haven’t even made port in Ketterdam yet; we’re at least a day and a half out.” Specht was concerned, she could see, but she was too busy trying to make it all make sense. If they hadn’t made it to port, it couldn’t have been Kaz there. But who was it?

That had been at the beginning. By now, Kaz had returned to taunt her, giving voice to every insecurity, every question she had ever asked herself.

“Did you think you were going to be able to undo all the terrible things you did?”

“You know, you’ll never escape your past. Once a little lynx, always a little lynx. How long until a slaver ship sinks you and takes you back? I bet you’d make a great prize.”

“I’m the king of the barrel - I’m not sure how you could ever think I’d want someone like you. I could have anyone, for any reason I choose.”

It was a special kind of torture, for Kaz to be her tormentor. Matthias had remarked that he’d thought she’d been good deep down inside, but she’d turned out as horrible as the worst of them. And it had hurt, but from Kaz it was like having her own knives turned on her. She wasn’t sure how long she could stand this slow torture, this persistent torment. She prayed for her Saints to grant her oblivion.

[allmights-right-boob]

Not fic: Cursed Twilight addition

So I’m about to have my BNHA rights revoked but I just finished Midnight Sun (at the time when I started writing this) and started thinking about the characters and that Rosalie and Bakugo are weirdly similar so now here I am outlining a Twilight Au that no one asked for (except me but I’m garbage) that I will never write because I can’t focus long enough to write an actual story (fun fact this outline is taking months to complete). To be honest though this is more of a background on all the characters as opposed to an outline of the Twilight story (oops) which may or may not come later. Author’s notes are in parenthesis if you haven’t figured that out.

Basically I’m replacing Twilight characters with BNHA characters, not everyone will have the same back story, it’ll be blended(future me: um so that was a lie). Everyone’s quirks are still mostly the same but as their vampire gift with some variation to fit the word. It still takes place in the Pacific north-west because I’m not super sure if there’s a place as cloudy as there in Japan besides the mountains like Mt.Fuji (but that’s more misty I think) but there’s too many people around places like that I feel. But then again I’m not actually writing this whole fic so you’re welcome to imagine them still in Japan. If I did write this as a fic I would actually do proper research to decide where to put them but meh, this is a not-fic. As it is I’m calling the town it would take place in Forks/Crossroads cause that would be a cool alternative name. The backgrounds take place all over the word but I never actually say where. My bad.

Also if you do read this I love you very much and I am so sorry, this is ramble-y and has way too many run-on sentences and is written as if I were speaking to you as opposed to an actual written story. It’s also taken so long to complete things I wasn’t sure about in the beginning become solidified later but it’s also written out of order so probably reads really bad. Again my apologies.

So the characters are as follows:

The Olympic Coven/Cullens - The Might Coven/Aizawa-Yagis

Carlisle Cullen- Toshinori Yagi

So obviously I made Toshi Carlisle because suave blond everyone loves is both of their MO. Toshi is probably around 500 years old and like Carlisle was turned while hunting vampires. I still want him to have two forms but I’m not entirely sure how to do that within the confines of the Twilight universe. Maybe he was injured in a battle where he literally lost parts of himself and can’t fully heal so he’s become weak but still can’t die? He’s a doctor but might be semi-retired because of his injury, the cover story is an undisclosed chronic illness. He’s also a part time stay at home dad. He definitely used his vampirism to help and protect humans in the past.

Probably had a coven when he was younger with Nana and Torino but Nana was killed and Torino sent Toshi away for his own safety. He may or may not have started out as vegetarian, I can see Nana as veg or only eats bad people, Torino is an eats bad guys type but will eat anyone when pressed. Toshi either started out as a vegetarian before meeting Nana or if she found him immediately and took him in he would go animal based pretty quickly, She always respected his lifestyle. Grand Torino respects it to an extent but now that Toshi is hurt wants him to drink from humans because he thinks it’ll help Toshinori heal or at least be better for his body. He was in his 40s when turned.

Esme Cullen- Shouta Aizawa

It should surprise literally no one that I’m making this Erasermight because I am soft for my boys and anything is an excuse to ship them. Shouta is honestly the person who has taken the longest to work out along with Shinsou. Like so, so, long. These two are also related, they’re cousins or uncle/nephew or something. They’re also the most different from their counterparts, probably because it’s taken so long for me to work their stories out I’ve just completely changed them from original Twilight.

So the time period is really vague with him, it’s either the late 1800s or WWI. Hitoshi was an orphan around the age of 12 and Shouta his guardian is 30-31. Either way there was a war (and I looked at the wars in the second half of the 1800s, it’s just so many wars. What is wrong with this world?) and it could have easily been the civil war (and if so they were Unionist, obviously.) But wherever he and Hitoshi lived there was a war happening and he was probably not in the army at the time, just protecting his home and neighbors. At the same time Toshinori and Izuku were in the area trying to help civilians because wars suck and they’re basically un-killable so they can help and with the chaos of everything if someone started to suspect something of them they could fake their deaths and leave. And they probably did. But while traveling through they stop in a town/village and meet Shouta and Hitoshi.

Shouta is his gruff no nonsense self and Hitoshi is a little in awe of Yagi because this is still pre-injury so he’s this huge imposing man who’s gentle and knowledgeable about medicine. Eventually even Shouta comes around to liking Yagi, who has the nickname All Might because of his strength, even though he thinks his over the top enthusiasm in front of others is exhausting. In private Toshi ends up letting his guard and persona down with Aizawa because he realizes he doesn’t have to keep it up, he doesn’t need to make Aizawa like and trust him the way he does with the others, it’s just natural the way they click. Toshi probably fell in love first, vampires fall in love fast and long and all encompassing in a way that if they were human would be rather unhealthy (and probably is anyway because this is fiction but I don’t really care because this is fiction and I relate to unhealthy love way too much). Shouta was more reserved because he is a cautious man by nature and probably loves in a similar but more healthy way to vampires, long and devoted, but he must be careful to whom he gives his heart. I still don’t think he meant to fall for Toshinori, loving a man in the time that they lived was dangerous and inadvisable if one could avoid it. But Toshinori Yagi is the kind of man one cannot help but loving.

They didn’t tell each other how they felt though. A few months after Izuku and Toshinori’s arrival there was an attack on the town, Hitoshi they found safe but Toshinori caught wind of Shouta’s scent and followed, finding him mortally wounded. Desperate to keep him Toshi turned him and split off from Izuku and Hitoshi while Shouta adjusted to vampire life. They quickly became lovers, though Shouta had a brief stint as a human blood drinker as revenge for the destruction of his village. But it started to test their relationship and in the end Toshi and his own morals were more important to him than human blood. The four of them reunite a year later and they try to keep their relationship a secret but both of the boys figure it out pretty quickly. Izuku accepts it immediately because his dad is finally with someone and is happy while it takes Hitoshi a bit of time because period typical homophobia and it’s going to take a while for Yagi to earn his trust back after turning Aizawa in front of him.

Aizawa has an erasure power same as in canon. Since he doesn’t need to blink he’s a bit op but opponents who are faster than his eyes can track and multiple opponents are his weaknesses. He’s a history teacher at Forks/Crossroads high but purposefully does not have his own kids as students. He’s a mystery to most of his colleagues who probably haven’t even figured out he’s got five kids in the school.

Rosalie Hale- Katsuki Bakugo

Bakugo has a pretty similar start to Rosalie but because what happened to her is so awful and  I have problems doing that even to fictional characters that part is different. He’s still a rich kid from the early 20th century, probably turned in the 1920s, but he and his explosive temperament pissed off the wrong people who jumped him in an alley and beat him almost to death, like actually thought he was dead so they left him there (I know this isn’t that much better than what happened to Rose but man she had a horrific end to her human life). He was around 17-18 when he was turned.

While human he had met Dr. Yagi, who was probably treating one of his parents for a chronic ailment, along with his son Izuku and his ‘companion’ Aizawa and Aizawa’s ward Hitoshi. All of the others gave him the creeps but Izuku was a relatively normal boy, a bit younger than himself and accompanied his father when visiting the Bakugos. Their relationship is pretty much the same as canon where Izuku likes Bakugo a lot and Bakugo is nothing but awful to him. They end up with a sort of ‘I hate you but you’re my best friend’ relationship except neither actually hates the other. When Yagi finds Bakugo half dead in an alley he turns him because he was weirdly fond of the angry young man and more so because he thought that the relationship between the two boys was growing into something more, he and Izuku hadn’t talked about it, as he was waiting for his son to come to him, and he didn’t have time to ask. He realizes later that no, Katsuki and Izuku are not star crossed lovers like he and Shouta but he can’t say he regrets turning Bakugo other than Bakugo’s own hatred of being a vampire. He loves his angry son okay.

Bakugo had a life goal which was probably taking over the family business though based off canon that would be fashion and I can’t see him interested in that. Whatever it was he was pursuing it with the same single mindedness that he possesses for heroism and since he can no longer achieve his goals as a vampire he resents it along with the fact that the decision to become a vampire or die a human was taken away from him. He does have a good relationship with Toshinori and Shouta even though he still acts like a brat. His cover story is that he’s Toshinori’s cousin’s son and is an orphan who they took in. He kept his family’s name.

Like a number of vampires Bakugo has a talent or gift. His is his incredibly powerful and dangerous explosion ability. He can cause explosions from his palms. So far the League has not discovered him but everyone worries that one day they will and the Might Coven will be hunted and slaughtered for Bakugo’s power.

Emmett Cullen- Eijirou Kirishima

Sometime around the 1930s  Bakugo was hunting and found a bleeding almost dead Kirishima. It was either an animal attack like canon or an accident where he fell off a cliff (that feels like something he would do). I don’t think he decided to turn Kirishima, he just smelled blood and lost control. He’s still ashamed about how he reacted to this day as he’s typically better than that around humans. Luckily the others were hunting with him and were able to pull Bakugo off. He’s never held what Bakugo did against him and his enthusiasm and friendship actually endeared him to Katsuki despite his guilt. Eijirou was turned at 19 and has never had issues with being a vampire, it sucks that he had to leave his human family behind but he loves his vampire one just as much and he got the love of his life out of it. It took awhile but Katsuki and Eijirou eventually admit their feelings and they start dating. They’ve been married a few times now because Bakugo is extra and Eijirou loves confessing his love.

With Kirishima’s gift it doesn’t work the same as in cannon where you can tell it’s activated. In fact they still might not know Kiri has a gift or if they do it’s only a suspicion. He’s just harder than the other marble like vampires. Where the others have almost certainly had mild injuries (mostly from Bakugo’s explosions) like cracks that heal immediately, Eijirou has never been injured as a vampire. At all. He’s also immensely strong, because he was as a human, and that has been enhanced but he’s nowhere near as strong as Toshi was pre-injury. His cover story is he’s a foster kid they took in and he keeps the last name Kirishima.

Alice Cullen- Denki Kaminari

Like Alice Denki spent the end of his human life in an insane asylum (I refer to it as such because these were not hospitals and more like institutions of torture). I honestly can’t figure out if mental health care was so bad in the early/mid 20th century that a 15-16 year old boy with ADHD being sent to one is unrealistic or not. I’m pretty sure it was similar to Alice where he saw something he shouldn’t and was put in it to silence him.( I should probably figure out what that was sometime) Either way that’s where he ended up and of course he had to deal with electroshock ‘therapy’ which both severely messed with his memory and sorta brought out a natural resistance and even control over electricity, so he had to receive stronger and stronger sessions. This manifested in Denki’s electric power when he was turned into a vampire.

While hunting in the woods surrounding the institution, Hitoshi spotted Denki in the window and was instantly taken by the boy with eyes as golden as his inhuman family’s. He would make trips by the asylum just to get a glimpse and eventually took a night job there to meet him against his family’s advice. When they met Denki recognized him despite how careful, and honestly far away, Hitsohi had been and instead of being creeped out he was happy just to make a new friend. They would talk as long as they could and Hitoshi would bring Denki little bits of the outside world like flowers or decent snacks. And he would take care of Kaminari when his ‘therapies’ would leave him incapacitated and the nursing staff would neglect him.

Even after his family moved away to a location where the weather suited them better Hitoshi stayed working at the asylum not willing to leave Denki to his fate there (And to note this is around the time the others realized how serious Hitoshi’s feelings are and start planning how to help Kaminari or bring him into the family. Before this they were starting to suspect but kinda thought he was being weird about a guy he saw in a window. To be fair though he was being weird about a guy he saw in a window.) One night after an ice bath ‘treatment’ Denki developed a fever and over the course of a few days had full blown pneumonia. In his delirium he confessed his feelings to Shinsou who reciprocated and decided he would steal Denki away when he knew the trip back to his family wouldn’t kill the sick boy. Of course being a poorly run and over populated institution his condition was overlooked and ignored especially since a ‘specialist’ was coming to perform procedures on several patients, aka some guy with no degree was going to lobotomize as many people as he could fit into one day. Shinsou didn't find out until he came in that night and found out Kaminari was already in the procedure room. He flipped out and killed most of the staff there and took a severely injured Denki home to Toshinori in the hopes of saving him.

The change seemed to take longer than it had for the others but does end up working, though when he finally comes to Denki is much more quiet and subdued and remembers almost nothing about his past. All he knows is his name, Hitoshi’s name, and that he loves him. He also has weird headaches periodically for decades later and slowly becomes more like himself before the lobotomy. He never fully recovers his memories, a bit here and a piece there, all moments shared with Hitoshi. He decides he doesn’t need the rest, everything he needs is here and in his future with his family.

His cover story is typically as a foster kid so he keeps his last name Kaminari. Sometimes he decides to change things up and goes as a Yagi or even Bakugo’s brother when Katsuki is feeling generous.

Jasper Hale- Hitoshi Shinsou

Hitoshi’s early years were spent in his small town or village (I think the difference is size but I’m american and I don’t think we have villages no matter how small a place is so...) Everything was uneventful up until the war, I don’t know which war, civil war in US or WWI in Europe, but around the age of 12 his village was destroyed, his guardian was turned into a vampire and he had to go live with Izuku while Aizawa learned to manage his bloodlust. During that time he and Izuku grew really close and even now they have the most brotherly relationship out of all the siblings.

So after a year the four reunite with a vampire Shouta and an overly protective Izuku and a very weary Hitoshi. Everything goes on as it did for Toshinori and Izuku before they split but now with their two new additions. Yagi gives Hitoshi the best education he can without sending him to boarding school although they had discussed it. They were in a precarious position with a human boy knowing their vampire secret and they couldn’t run the risk of news getting back to the League, the governing body of vampires run by a mysterious head known only as All for One.

Years pass but unfortunately news of the Might Coven’s human pet gets back to the League and due to past history involving Nana and Toshi, AfO comes himself to deal with the situation and brings his two most powerful underlings, his adopted son and second in command Tomura Shigaraki and . A fight between Yagi and All for One happens and AfO rips out a piece of Toshi’s side and Toshi ends up crushing AfO’s head, killing him (maybe but probably not). Tomura, who had been fighting against Shouta and Toga who battled Izuku, realize they can’t win.

Now the vampire known as All Might is pretty popular amongst his kind but the Might Coven was at the time nowhere near strong enough or influential enough to fill the void that would be left by the dissolution of the League, which would happen if they killed all three of the vampires there. So they took a gamble and spared Shigaraki and Toga thinking their loyalty to AfO was limited, since most vampires don’t form bonds the way ‘vegetarians’ seem to, and that they would be happy with their promotion. They also agreed at Hitoshi’s insistence that he would be turned so they would no longer have a human knowing the secret about vampires. So Yagi turns Hitoshi and they let Toga and Shigaraki go and continue about their lives as much as they can with Toshinori’s injury.

Just like the rest of his family, Shinsou's quirk is the same as canon. If someone answers his question he can control their minds. It’s probably a little stronger than in canon too, at least against humans. Vampires have better resistance. His cover story is the most truthful, he’s Shouta’s orphan relative. He sometimes takes on Aizawa’s last name though in this school he decided to use his original.

Edward Cullen- Izuku Midoriya

The more I plot this out the more I’m taking Twilight, stripping it down to the bare outline, and making it into something totally different. Like the only similarities are Izuku and Shoto’s relationship follows Bella and Edwards, somewhat. Izuku is the tanned skinned, freckled, green eyed boy in a family of pale golden eyed outsiders. He seems completely human even to other vampires, til you get him in the sunlight where he literally shines.

I’m not sure when Izuku was born, maybe the 1700s, but he was still the first of the Might Coven besides Toshinori. Sometime after Nana’s death Toshi finds an ailing pregnant woman named Inko Midoriya who’s bizarre husband still hasn’t come home from his business trip to a foreign country. She’s convinced she is going to die before he returns and her pregnancy is so hard and so seemingly fast but her baby feels strong enough to survive so she begs Toshinori to please take care of her son till his father returns. Inko dies before she can give birth to her baby so Toshinori takes the baby out himself as a last ditch effort but there’s something not right, not with the baby or the amniotic sac that’s almost as hard as Toshinori himself. And when the sun shines through the window Toshinori’s arm glimmers and so does the new born baby. Dread at the thought that he’s holding an immortal child wells in him but he’s never heard of an immortal child being born and he’s especially never heard of a vampire with a heart beat. So against his better judgement he takes the child and runs, he can’t wait for Inko’s husband, and he can’t risk someone seeing the child and reporting back to the League. So he and Izuku, a name Inko had picked out before her death, stay on the run for years as the boy grew until he was at an appropriate age to be around at least vampire kind. Conveniently the half vampire boy doesn’t need blood to survive and seems to have very little if any bloodlust at all. Or so it seemed.

Now some differences I’m making will be Izuku’s aging. I know Rennesme ages fast and stops when she looks 21-25 but I’m thinking Izuku either ages very slowly or stopped when he looks closer to 15-18? Probably the first one. Also I think male half-vamps have red/gold eyes but Izuku has green because I said so.

His cover story is that he's Toshinori’s son from a previous relationship. They tried to call him a foster child in the past but they’re too close and Izuku uses Toshinori’s given name and dad interchangeably. He likes to use his mom’s last name as a way to honor her. Not every school but it is a pretty common thing for him to do and he’s using it in Forks/Crossroads this year. He doesn’t seem to have a gift but he’s a half vampire, his presence is a gift.

Humans

Bella Swan- Shoto Todoroki

Time for ‘technically main character number two but I preferred everyone else in Twilight over Edward and Bella so he and Izuku get put down lower on the list’. So Todoroki and Bella’s similarities are: new kid comes to live with other parent after the parent they lived with got married. I really don’t think there’s a lot else similar? But Bella doesn’t have that much back story to begin with.

So Shoto’s parents grew up in Forks/Crossroads but moved somewhere sunnier before he was born. He grew up in a city, maybe Phoenix (almost certainly Phoenix for the name alone). His parents had an unhappy marriage but I honestly don’t think it was full on abuse, I feel like Enji still neglected them but never physically or verbally hurt anyone. And since Shoto moves back in with Rei I don’t think she gave him his scar either, I think it was an accident where young Shoto pulled maybe a hot kettle onto himself? It probably was the catalyst for his parents divorce but ultimately that was happening either way. Both parents blamed the other for his accident but I think the courts realized it was just that, an accident, maybe some negligence (I don’t really know how custody courts work and what happens when a kid gets hurt and this isn’t a real fic so I’m not researching) but either way Enji gets Shoto (maybe all the kids but Rei gets visitation, comes down for the summer like Charlie? Kids go up there for vacation and holiday? Or split the kids 50/50? No idea this is still more backstory than Bella got) Enji is still a workaholic and Toya ends up running away/leaving probably shortly after the divorce anyway and Fuyumi and Natsuo eventually leave for college and are still closer to Rei even if they lived with their dad.

So when Enji gets remarried Shoto asks to move in with his mom since she’s all alone and Enji wouldn’t be and ‘wouldn’t it be nice to just be two newly weds with the house to themselves’. He makes a very convincing case and Enji is trying to let his youngest make his own choices so he agrees. Shoto moves north and it isn’t the worst, he likes both the heat and the cold unlike his parents, Rei hates the heat and Enji hates the cold. School is weird because people actually want to be his friend; there’s a group of stoic, pale, intimidating students he’s 90% sure are vampires; and there’s a  beautiful boy who hangs out with them who looks partially horrified and disgusted by him, or like he wants to eat him alive, literally.

Renee Dwyer- Enji Todoroki (Technically)

So I ended up making Enji considerably less awful.

After the divorce Enji figures out his sexuality and eventually starts dating a much younger model who goes by Hawks after he saves him from a burning building (Enji is a firefighter). Shoto offers to move in with Rei after Hawks and Enji get married, he has nothing against Hawks and they get along as well as can be expected but they are newly weds and Enji might be going into semi retirement to travel with Hawks for his career. And the thought of being around his dad so much, who can get a little overbearing when not working, is just not something Shoto wants to deal with. Though it is weird his dad is married to someone so much younger, Shoto knows several other people in his class in Phoenix whose dads did similar and they cheated on their wives and didn’t even have a sexuality crisis in their forties so he’s letting his dad slide on this. Shoto definitely has a better relationship with Enji in this than canon Shoto but they don’t have Enji’s shity eugenics baggage here either. Overall Enji in this is just a neglectful workaholic who’s learning to work on himself with the guidance of the love of his life and is letting Shoto make his own decisions like living with his mom and this is all growth.

Charlie Swan- Rei Todoroki (Technically)

So Rei after the divorce moves back home because she hates Phoenix and hot weather. Maybe she gets custody in the summer or has Fuyumi and Natsuo since Toya took off and they split the kids? (I still haven’t decided how the custody went with those two but they don’t live in Forks/Crossroads or Phoenix so it doesn’t matter.)

After returning home she either started working at or opened up a yarn shop, I see her enjoying needle craft and she’s definitely not a sheriff type. She’s just a quiet, keeps to herself woman with a few close friends; children mostly grown and just happy to spend more time with her youngest.

Phil Dwyer- Keigo Takami

He’s a model who gets saved by Enji when his apartment burns down. He offers to take Enji to dinner and keeps offering to reward him until at Moe’s insistence Enji agrees. They hit it off and the rest is history.

Things I would have said in the tags but there’s a limit so I put the actual important stuff there and ramblings here:

It took me three weeks to finish this (midnight sun) audiobook. I literally drive for a living and couldn’t finish it in less than the entirety of my library rental time. Jake Able deserves more money.

I have read twilight three times now and it never gets easier. Yes I do have terrible taste.

I hope someone reads this. It took like three months to finish this post. I still have so much in my head. I haven’t even started talking about the League. Please ask questions, I want to actually write this but my brain won’t let me write full fics so this is what we get.

[ask-them-bois]

I Put My Youth In A Casket

TLDR: Makeno talks with his younger self.

Tw: talks of the future and bad pasts.

~~~~~~

If he wasn't so sure he was dreaming, this would be really weird.

He was standing on the cliff where his hive was built, only the sandstone castle was gone, leaving the flat, grassy plain bare. The city in the distance was a dark, swirling mass of mist. Looking towards it made his fins prickle.

Turning back towards the cliff, he resumed gazing at the small figure sat on the edge. Even with a heavy leather jacket and scruffy hair, Makeno would recognize him anywhere.

It was him.

Hesitantly, he approached the figure. The grass on his bare feet felt like he was splashing through puddles.

He could see the ocean as he neared the edge; it was roiling, frothing, bubbling and red. Giant shadows twisted and contorted under the surface. Above the water, there were no stars.

Without a word, he sat down beside his younger self, dangling his legs off the edge. A temperatureless wind blew over them as they watched the water in silence for a while.

"Your pants are atrocious." His younger self said at last.

"So I've been told."

More silence. Makeno let it stretch out, watching fins and claws pierce the waves below.

"What happened to you?" They asked finally.

"Which part?" He replied.

"How are you the way that you are?"

Makeno thought on that for a while. "I had help." He said at last.

"Oh."

He looked down at the kid beside him. Their knuckles were scratched and scabbed, gills covered by cooling pads to avoid cigarette smoke. Under his shirt, Makeno saw a gauze wrap on his chest. The bubble tattoo on his own chest burned.

"You're scared." He said matter-of-factly.

"No I'm not."

"Yeah you are." Makeno leaned back on his hands, as his younger self hunched his shoulders. "I know you are, because I'm scared."

That made the kid look up. "You're still afraid?"

"Sure. For different reasons, though. I've got responsibilities now, and people that rely on me."

"People... rely on you?"

"Uh-huh. My morail, for one. And my husband." He held up his hand to show them the wedding ring.

"We get married?!" Genuine fear filled his eyes.

"Yeah. To Ferris."

"F... Wait, Ferris? Not-?"

"No. Not them. You'll be done with them soon."

The tension left the young seadwellers' shoulders. Below them, the monstrous shadows slowly stilled, and swam out to deeper waters.

"What do we do now?"

"We're a chef."

"Really? What happened to being an Orphaner?"

Makeno shrugged. "It just didn't happen. Our morail needed us more than the Fleet did."

"Do you regret it?"

"Once a sweep, maybe."

The younger Makeno looked out at the water again. "Do you regret... any of it?"

Makeno sighed. "Certain parts of it. But like I said, I got help. I got better. It... It gets better."

"What's "it?""

He shrugged. "Life, I guess? That's what people usually mean."

His younger self picked at the grass, watching the water still.

"... Makomom left."

"She'll come back. She saves us." He reached up and rubbed his scarred up shoulder. "We won't always be alone, kid. I promise."

"I'm not alone. I have Fay and-"

"Kid. Don't bother."

"..."

"Mom comes back. We have Corden, and Ferris. We've got friends in Vornik and Gehero and Drayco, and... a weird platonic hate-friendship with Musrio."

"... Real friends?"

"As real as they get, I guess. Better than what we had."

His younger self sighed. Above them, in an explosion like a supernova, billions of stars burst into being above the ocean, raining sparks and fire. They watched the spectacle in silence.

Makeno reached out and caught one of the embers. It didn't burn, but it pulsed, like a heartbeat. He chucked it into the water, which rose to catch it. It sunk into the wine-red froth and vanished.

"How long does it take?"

"For what?"

"For it to get better?"

"A while. You gotta go through it, day by day. It hurts, and it sucks. You're going to break a lot of things. You're going to hurt some people. And somewhere inside, you'll still have a core part of yourself that'll stay the same.

But," Makeno looked at the ring on his finger again, smiling to himself twice over, "all that you are will just be a foundation for me. From what you are, from what we went through, I managed to scrape together a life that I love."

He looked down at his younger self, gazing intensely into shining and anxious amethysts. "It'll be hard. And sometimes it still is. It's stressful, and scary, and sometimes it hurts. But you'll have a ride-or-die morail, and a husband who will always be there for you."

The younger seadweller nodded slowly, swallowing. After a moment's hesitation, he leaned on Makeno's shoulder.

His blood-pumper imploding with sympathy pain, Makeno wrapped an arm around the kid.

Below them, the ocean's color became a murky maroon, before it cleared into a brilliant violet that glittered. The waves continued to froth and toss without rest, though.

"It won't settle."

"That's okay. It never really will. When we get scared we can hide under the waves."

"Does that work?"

"Sometimes. But you've got to be ready to save the people that tried to follow you under and started to drown."

"... I think I can do that."

"You can."

They watched the water churn for a long time, before his younger self spoke again.

"I don't want to be forgotten like a buried foundation."

"Yeah, me neither."

"You're not buried."

"I will be, one day, and someone else with our face will have built on top of me."

"That'll only bury me deeper." His younger self whined. Makeno pressed him closer to his side.

"Yeah, but I'll be buried with you. You aren't forgotten, kid. You won't be, either, and you won't be alone when I'm buried with you."

"So... Together?"

"Together. You, me, and the next guy."

"... That's scary. When we're dead we'll be a stranger."

"Maybe so, but it'll still be us. We'll be part of that stranger to remind him who he is."

"And that's... okay?"

"It is. It's scary, but we'll be there to support him. You're here to support me, aren't you?"

"I thought this was the other way around."

Makeno shrugged. "Maybe it is. Maybe you needed the comfort, but I needed the support."

"What support do I offer?"

"You're a reminder of how far I've come. This isn't the first time I've visited you, and it won't be the last time. Every time you're buried, I'll dig you back out eventually. Everyone will. You're the first."

"I won't be forgotten?"

"No."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

They watched the sea rage for a while longer. When Makeno woke up, he wouldn't remember his dream, but he'd wake to his husband's arms around him and his alarm ringing. In a while, a few weeks or months, he'd come back to the cliff.

He'd feel like the same person, but the kid he'd sit beside would be a little older, a little wiser, but still no less afraid of being forgotten, and he'd be there to assure them they'd be remembered.

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 4k

Warnings: mention of sexual assault, swearing, smoking, implied smut

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 18 Part 20

Part 19

It took over two hours to get ready. I don't know how celebrities did this all the time. I enjoy dressing up, but not when I know the pictures will be circulated widely, and every time someone types into google "Liam Cross's girlfriend", images of tonight will come up. It freaked me out.

I trusted Liam when he said the dress was right, and I trusted Jen. She had only just started dating Riza when Andy and I got married, so although she hadn't done my hair and makeup, I had seen her work and the brides always looked good. So when I asked her to do my makeup for the premiere, I didn't think twice. I regretted that when Jen took the pins out of my hair.

"Jen, I look like Orphan Annie," I complained.

She just laughed and said, "trust me." She started to work a brush through my hair while humming Tomorrow. I groaned.

But as she worked the brush, the curls started to join together, and beautiful waves appeared in my hair.

"You're a genius," I said to Jen when I finally worked out what she was doing.

Jen blushed and just kept brushing. "I have always wanted to do this to your hair. You have such a timeless facial structure. I knew it would be perfect for you and for tonight."

She did my makeup in a beautiful smokey eye and deep red lipstick. It was not too dissimilar to what I would do for myself, but she added fake lashes, brushed and plucked my eye-brows and did some light contouring. She even checked my legs and arms for marks and bruises, covering any she could find.

Jen helped me dress and double-checked everything, including any visible panty line. I couldn't see how it would be possible to have a panty line since I had gotten the smallest underwear I could find, which was a string attached to a triangle of lace.

When I was ready, I looked in the dressing room's full-length mirror. I almost cried in relief. I felt like I would fit in and not look like I had a face like a dropped pie. Jen had done a fantastic job with my hair, and I looked like a cross between Rita Hayworth and Jessica Rabbit. I adored the old Hollywood style. I thanked her a million times, and she went downstairs to get Liam and Riza.

I paced the bedroom waiting for them to come back. Being alone in the room had allowed my anxieties to creep back in. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, in through my nose and out through my mouth. The dress was tight, and I couldn't quite breathe deeply enough. But I was not going to ruin this night with my anxiety. I was not. My guts didn't care what my brain was telling itself. They churned and flipped in my belly until I thought I was going to be sick.

"Lana," Liam said from the doorway. He was alone. Riza and Jen must have waited downstairs. I gasped as I took him in. The was wearing a black woollen three-piece suit with a black tie and crisp white cotton shirt with onyx cuff links. He had was clean-shaven and had his hair combed down in little waves. He looked like he had stepped off the movie screen. He looked so perfect.

"You look incredible," I tell him.

He laughed, "No, Sweetheart. Not next to you, I don't." He crossed the space between us and took my hands, spreading them wide to get a good look. "You are a vision."

I blushed and said, "I feel sick."

Liam shook his head, "you're going to do great." Liam lead me to the dressing room and stood behind me in front of the mirror. "Sweetheart, look at yourself. Look at your hair," he touched it cautiously, just above my ear, as if scared his feather-light touch would ruin it.

"Do you know how much money some women would pay to have hair as spectacular as yours? And your body, the way it curves and moves with such grace. Your skin is so delicate and as smooth as silk." Liam ran his finger down my neck until I shivered and smiled. "And that smile, my Sweetheart, You don't know what lengths I will go to for that smile. It would make Helen of Troy hang her head in despair."

"Thank you," I said. "I needed that."

"It's true." Liam kissed my forehead tenderly, his lips just barely brushing my skin. "I want to kiss you. But I'm under very strict instructions from Jen not to. But be prepared for an attack after the red carpet." He kissed my neck with as much care as before and sighed. Then he seemed to shake himself off and asked, "are you ready to go?"

I nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"Ok, let's go downstairs. Apparently, we have some pictures to take."

The drive to the cinema was short, but the limousines' line was long. I barely remember anything until our car was the next in line. Liam had been going through a last-minute rundown of what should happen.

"Remember, I will get out first and wave a bit.  Just wait until I turn around, and I will help you out of the car." I nod, and he continues. "Then we will both stand in front of the car. I might wave again, but you don't have to. Just smile. Once we get past the initial photographers, there will be fans, and then there may be some interviews. Do you remember what will happen there?"

"You will sign some autographs and take some pictures. I'm to follow you. You're going to hold my hand the whole time through that part, right?" I asked.

Liam took my hand and lifted it to his lips, pressing a kiss into my palm. "Nothing could make me let it go." He said sincerely. "If there are interviews, they are usually very short, only a few questions. They may ask you who you are, and I'll introduce you, and you smile and say hi. I doubt they will ask you anything other than how you're enjoying the night, but if they do, I'll handle it."

"Ok," I murmured. "I wish I had a ciggie."

Liam smiled, "If you still want one when we're done, I'll find you one. The last part is where the main paparazzi photos will be taken. They will want photos of both of us, but they will also want ones of just me. Usually, they will call out something like "fashion", and that means you can walk to the cinema and some publicists or assistants will take you into the foyer, and you can wait for me there. Ok?"

I nodded and felt bile rise in my throat. I swallowed hard, but it wouldn't go away. My mouth filled with saliva, and I kept trying to swallow it.

"Lana?"

"Air." I gasped. "I need air,"

I put down my window just as Liam shouted, "no, Lana! Don't!"

The roar I heard was like being at a footie Grand Final. I was confronted with hundreds of screaming faces lining the road opposite the cinema. Their eyes were wild. Their bodies bounced and writhed in joy and excitement. They lifted posters and toys, screaming for Liam Cross.

Liam leaned over me and, waving at the crowd, quickly pressed the button to put the window up.

"What the fuck was that?" I yelled.

"Fans."

"You didn't tell me they would be on both sides!"

"I didn't think you would put your window down."

"Your life..." I started.

"Isn't normal." We both finished.

Liam laughed, "on the plus side Lana, you have your colour back. Do you still feel sick?"

I shook my head.  "No. Now I'm just terrified." The limo started moving.

I gripped Liam's hand as if we were nearing the top of a roller coaster. He ran his thumb over my knuckles and said, "We can still go home if you want." He cupped my cheek and looked at me. The car stopped.

I shook my head. "Just don't leave me."

He smiled and kissed my neck. His skin felt different, having shaved, but his kiss was still the same. "Never." He whispered.

The door was opened, and Liam got out.

I breathed deeply, trying to calm. The dress was bloody tight. Then Liam's hand was there, and I took it.

His eyes found mine, and I fell into them. He smiled his most beautiful smile, the one where his cheeks and eyes crinkled and his teeth flashed. I found myself unable to stop my smile. How could I not smile when he looked so happy.

As I stood up, his hand came around my waist, and he pulled me tight. He leaned into my ear and said loud enough to be heard over the roar of the crowd and the shouts from the photographers, "Thank-you for doing this, Lana." He kissed my ear so swiftly I thought I had imagined it.

The procession down the red carpet went as he said it would. The fans were electric and not as frightening as I thought they would be. Some even tried to talk to me, which was awkward because I had no idea what to say. I just tried to be polite and smiled.

Liam was amazing. He never let go of my hand. One-handed, he signed autographs, shook hands, gave hugs and took selfies. He was so charming, looked the fans in the eye, seemed genuinely happy and interested to hear what they had to say. He even blushed when some of the fans oohed after he had run his fingers through his hair. Just watching how much he seemed to love this part of his job made me forget a lot of my own anxieties.

Liam was a bit different with the interviewers, more alert and guarded. But his charm and wit were still there. A few interviewers, mostly the more gossipy outlets, asked about me. The film focussed ones largely ignored me. I hoped I gave coherent responses, and Liam was as good as his word and stepped in when he needed to and took control of the interviews. I couldn't believe how many times he had to answer the same questions, and he answered each with as much enthusiasm as he had the first time he was asked.

Quicker than I thought, we stopped for the last row of photographers. They shouted for Liam's attention and were almost as loud as the fans. When the time came for Liam to do photos on his own, he brushed his lips against my neck and said in my ear, "Lana, you were perfect. Go on. I'll be with you in a minute."

I went to the end and was greeted by the publicists who ushered me into the crowded cinema foyer. I found a quiet corner and waited for about five minutes before I saw Liam practically barge his way through the crowd, his eyes searching until he saw me.

He grabbed my hips and kissed my mouth so hard I thought they would bruise.

"Lana, that was perfect. Thank you for doing that with me."

I smiled a genuine, relaxed smile for the first time in hours and asked, "so it's over?"

"It's over," Liam confirmed.

I exhaled with relief and said, "you'd have to be the only person in the world I would ever go through that for."

Liam kissed me again, softer this time, lips playing against mine, "you don't know how much that means to me." He hugged me tightly before staring at me and smiling at his goofy grin. Then he said, "come on, Sweetheart. I have a few people I'd like to introduce you to. If you are up for it, that is. Do you need more time?" I shook my head, and he led me into the crowd.

Liam grabbed my hand and moved fast through the crowd, briefly saying hi to some people on the way.

I saw Myra come in from the red carpet, and I pointed her out to Liam. Liam waved her over, and she waved back then held her hand up in a 'give me a second' gesture. She went to the corner I had been hiding in and kissed a man I assumed was her boyfriend and brought him over.

I liked her instantly. She was bubbly and happy. It was like she was famous enough to be bored by the goings-on around her, but still new enough that she hadn't developed the jaded 'here we go again' attitude that you would expect.

"Phew! That was crazy tonight. I'd say that's your fault, Liam. No one else here is big enough to pull a crowd that big." She leaned over and kissed his cheeks in the European style. "Thanks for doing it, mate. I mean, it'll be good for Stones but still, it'll help with this movie too."

Liam smiled, "Don't mention it." Liam pulled me closer and introduced me.

Myra smiled widely and pulled me into a hug. She was a few years younger than me, and she was beautiful. She had gorgeous thick dark hair, cheekbones to die for under radiant umber skin, which appeared to be without a blemish and striking sea-green eyes. She was very tall, almost as tall as Liam, but very thin. She felt so delicate when I hugged her back, but it was evident from her speech and body language; she wasn't a shrinking violet.

"Hey babes, so good to meet you. I've heard so much. You look so good. That's from Maticevski, right? Great choice. I love him." I usually cringe when I hear the word 'babes'. I think of Married at First Sight for some reason. However, coming from Myra, it just sounded sweet.

"Thanks. Liam has spoken about you too."

"Yeah, Pop has been good to me," Myra said, throwing a look at Liam that made his eyes roll.

"It's twelve years, Myra, hardly Grandfather territory."

"It's not your age. It's your attitude." She said in a snarky but playful way. "Anyway, this is my Damo. Well, Damien, but nobody calls him that." Damo smiled awkwardly and shook our hands.

Myra wrapped her arms around his waist and said teasingly, "Aww, he's shy." From the look Damo gave Myra, I'd say smitten was a better way to describe him. He's tall like Liam, and though muscular, you could tell it came from physical labour, not a gym. He had a surfie look about him with his sun-bleached shoulder long hair and tanned skin.

"I'm going for a smoke before the movie starts," Damo said to Myra.

"Can Lana have one?" Liam asks. "She has quit, but she said she would like one." I looked at Liam with gratitude, and Damo and I went behind the theatre where a smoking area was set up.

We could still hear a lot of activity going on out the front, but it appeared most of the excitement was over. Damo lit our cigarettes, and I leaned against the wall, relishing the nicotine flowing through me.

Damo laughed, "you look how I feel. Over it."

"Yeah, it's full-on, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's bullshit crazy."

"So, where do you live? How did you meet Myra and get wrapped up in this bullshit?" I asked with genuine interest. He seemed even more out of place here than I did.

Damo told me he was from the Northern Beaches and was in the year above Myra at school. He had asked her to his Year 12 formal, and she accepted, but she had cancelled to go to Melbourne for her first major acting role. "So, I don't hear from her for years, but she finds me on Instagram through old mates from school, and she tells me that I owe her a date."

"That's kinda cute."

"Yeah, surprised the fuck out of me, though. Like, why'd ya wanna go out with a sparky from the Northern Beaches."

I smiled at him, knowing the feeling. "Maybe all this bullshit gets to them, and they want someone real? Someone who doesn't want anything from them except their time and affection."

Damo smiles and nods his head. "I reckon you're onto something. So what's your story?"

I don't tell him all the details but that we met online and I didn't know who he was until I met him. "It was a complete shock when I found out who I'd been talking to."

"Fair dinkum? You met him three weeks ago?" I nodded, "It took Myra five months to convince me to go to one of these things."

I laughed, "Yeah, well, I just thought better get it over with. The sooner people can get over that Liam has a new girlfriend, the quicker I can get back to normal and not worry about it."

Damo nodded and said, "yeah, I hope so too. Myra's life can get pretty crazy."

We finished our cigarettes and went back inside. We had hardly gotten through the door when we were whisked away by our partners because the movie was about to start.

After the movie, there was a small after-party for industry people only. The people who had won tickets or were friends of friends weren't invited. Liam, of course, was invited and had planned not to go. Myra pleaded with him to stay, so when he looked at me asking the silent question, I nodded, already getting the feeling not many people could say no to Myra. Myra bounced around and hugged us both.

Liam introduced me to a few other people, including Boyd, who turned out to be an outrageous flirt and a shit-stirrer. He seemed harmless and just enjoyed taking the piss out of people. He also told me something interesting about Liam that I planned to bring up with him later.

Liam also introduced me to the showrunner Arianna, who was essentially his boss. Finally, I was introduced to Naomi, who was to play Boyd's love interest, and she was also in the movie we had just watched. The Australian film industry is pretty small.

Naomi was the opposite of Myra, friendly on the outside but was one of those people who always seemed to be looking around when you talked to them to see if there was someone more interesting or more advantageous she should be speaking to. She had icy blue eyes, bombshell blonde hair, amazing breasts and a nose that was so perfect it had to have been a nose job.

She flirted hard with Liam, touching his arm, letting it linger that little bit too long. She ignored me mostly, except when she threw me some side-eye. Liam seemed to take it in his stride, polite but not friendly, until she 'accidentally' brushed her breasts against his arm.

Liam seemed to have enough, and his eyes went dark. He put his hand to my back and practically pushed me out, saying we were leaving. His tone didn't leave much room for argument, but I wanted to know why he left so suddenly when things had been going well, and I actually enjoyed the party. I was also feeling bad that I didn't say goodbye to Myra and the others.

Liam's limo was waiting outside, and he ushered me in quickly. Liam texted Myra to say goodbye and to let the others we left. "Myra won't mind. She knows how I feel about Naomi."

I said hi to our driver before turning to Liam. "Is there a history there?" I ask. My voice was small.

Liam scoffed, "she wishes." He sighed and stretched his neck. He took his jacket off, opened his vest and loosed his tie. I looked at him expectantly. He taps the driver on the shoulder and apologises, but he's going to put the screen up.

When the screen was in place, Liam started to roll his sleeves up. It seemed like he was stalling. Eventually, he said, "I suppose I had better tell you. Naomi was cast a couple of weeks ago. The original actress playing her part fell pregnant and didn't want to commit to a series. She comes in for a table read, and I felt bad for her coming in late because the rest of the main cast had a couple of months together already. Myra knew her and said to avoid her, but I thought, well, I have to work with her should get to know her. We had a chat after the read, then she follows me back to my dressing room and long story short, she takes her shirt off and grabs my cock."

"What did you do?" My green-headed monster was in full battle mode. He better have a good and believable answer.

"I threw her out ." He shrugged. "Shit like that happens all the time. What she doesn't know is that word gets around, and soon she will be seen as toxic and won't get hired. Although I think she aims to bag a guy with money and never work again."

I believed him. I was going to have to get this jealousy thing under control. It was new to me. I don't think I had ever been jealous before, even with Andy. I looked out of the window, letting the night beauty of Sydney calm me down.

Liam put his arm around me and rested his chin on my shoulder. "So was it so terrible?" Liam asked dramatically. "The premiere, I mean."

I looked at him, his blue eyes bright again. "Not all of it," I smiled at him.

"What were the good parts?"

I ran my finger across his jaw, his skin was so smooth. I missed the three-day-growth, but he looked just as amazing without it. "I liked meeting Myra."

He smiled, "I knew you'd like her."

"And the movie was good."

"Anything else?" Liam ran a finger across my collarbone

"The free popcorn and drinks."

Liam chuckled, and his finger ran up my neck. "Anything else?"

"They have great chairs in the theatre," he was turning me on. I heard it in my voice. My heart started to beat louder.

"Is that all?" He asked with his rough, horny voice. He lifted my chin.

"The bathrooms were good too."

He traced my lips with his finger. "Is that all that was good about tonight?"

"Tonight's not over. Ask me again in the morning." He slipped his finger into my mouth, and my body was on fire. Even after all I had been through, the stress and panic, my body still responded to his touch. I sucked his finger gently, and his eyes widened.

"You're very naughty, Lana." He said as he withdrew his finger and shuffled in his seat.

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way," I said in my best Jessica Rabbit imitation.

Liam's eyes widened then narrowed. "What did Boyd tell you?"

"Tell me? Nothing?" I tried to look innocent, but I'm not an actress.

"Never mind." Liam blushed.

"Hang on, who is your favourite Disney Princess?"

"I'm not a child, Lana." He looked a little uncomfortable.

I pouted. "Come on. Everyone has one."

"Who is yours?"

"Moana, although I don't know if she counts as a Princess cause she's a chief's daughter. My second is Belle. Tell me yours."

"Ariel." Liam looked out the window.

"Favourite spice girl?"

"I don't like pop music. " I raised my eyebrow at Liam. He paused a long time before answering. "Geri."

"Which one of John Snow's girlfriends was hotter with Ygritte or Daenerys?" I was having fun with it. I don't think I'd ever seen him squirm so much.

"Ygritte, Lana, do you mind?"

"No, no, just one more." I was trying not to burst out laughing. I knew I must have had a huge smirk on my face, "Mary-Anne or Ginger?"

"For fucks sake, yes, ok, I have always had a thing for redheads."

I couldn't hold it any longer, and I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard, Liam eventually had to join in. "I'm sorry." I said, "What are you going to do to Boyd?"

"Unfortunately, Lana, it looks like I will be busy for the next 25 years because I will have to kill him."

Part 20