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silverhandy · 3 years

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I saw the devil (in me) - chapter 7

ao3 I chapter 1 I chapter 2 I chapter 3 I chapter 4 I chapter 5 I chapter 6

To Takemura’s surprise, it didn’t take much convincing to get Viktor to come with him to see the netrunner. At first, the ripperdoc was hesitant, gently suggesting that Takemura should just wait for his hand to heal, there was no need to jump into netrunning and that he’s free to stay at the ripperdoc’s place for as long as he needs to, but something about the other man’s tone made him yield and here they were, a few days later, walking down the slippery stairs on the edges of Charter Hill.

The temperature has risen just enough for the ice encasing the steps to melt, making the simple ordeal of walking down that much riskier, but eventually, they managed without slipping. Viktor had already closed the clinic for the night and just as Takemura had before, they’ve decided to just walk the distance between Misty’s shop and Akiko’s basement. Despite the foul weather, Takemura found the experience rather enjoyable, the way Viktor shared his anecdotes and took in Takemura’s comments. He had to admit, he never knew small talk could be this easy. Takemura would by no means call himself awkward, taking great pride in being able to navigate a wide array of social settings, but the point of such conversations often escaped him; instead, he preferred to get straight to the point, without wasting time on chatter devoid of any clear purpose. With Viktor, it was different, he’d go as far as to say that the meaningless exchange felt almost natural - nothing needed to be reviewed, decided, or discussed, leaving them with an opportunity to just enjoy each other’s presence.

Takemura pushed the heavy door open, leading the way as they both walked into the familiar, dark corridor. Leaving muddy footsteps on the concrete floor, they walked further into the building, and eventually, they reached the bigger room. Takemura noticed that Akiko was no longer busy tinkering with her hardware, but sitting in front of one of the many monitors, face furrowed in concentration as she typed away at the keyboard. She lifted her eyes and waved at Takemura, beckoning him to come in before she got up, typing in some last commands before she finally allowed her hands to get away from the keyboard and started walking up towards Takemura to properly greet her client. Suddenly, without an apparent reason, Akiko stopped halfway, her smile dropping almost immediately.

Perplexed, Takemura turned his head just in time to see Viktor freeze. The ripperdoc was staring at the woman as if he saw a ghost, throat jumping as he swallowed heavily.

“Viktor.” she spat out his name through gritted teeth like it was some kind of a curse, her brows furrowed in a clear expression of disgust.

“Akiko,” he echoed, still standing at the door, seemingly not daring to step inside the basement. Takemura couldn’t quite make out his eyes from behind the tinted shades, but the man’s voice told him he wasn’t trying to match the amount of venom Akiko managed to put in a single word. Quite the opposite, Viktor’s tone was almost apprehensive, gone was his usual steady confidence he carried himself with on their way here, The silence that fell on the netrunner’s workshop was almost palatable, so Takemura opened his mouth to say something, anything to break it, but Akiko was faster.

“You got some nerve, showin’ up here.”

“Listen, I-” before Viktor could finish, the woman turned her piercing gaze to Takemura.

“I tell you to bring in someone you trust and that’s who you go for?” Akiko scoffed. “Bold choice.”

Takemura had to admit, he was surprised by her reaction to the other man’s presence but didn’t let it reach his face. A sudden irritation swelled up in his chest upon hearing her words and he didn’t even think before words started escaping his mouth:

“Nevertheless, I stand by it.” Takemura replied, his tone colder than intended. “He saved my life, more than once. If that isn’t enough, you still owe me. I do not think there is much room for discussion here.”

“Goro, I don’t think this is necessary.” Viktor’s voice came from behind him.

“I happen to think it is.” the other man replied, eying the netrunner, his silver optics glistering. Akiko was still standing with her arms crossed over her chest, a stern expression on her face. She refused to break eye contact, not allowing herself to be beaten in this small, meaningless game of wills, but eventually, let out a sigh.

“Fine.” she finally said. “ but afterward, you’ll never bring him here again. Wear this,” she tossed a netrunning suit at him. “and get in the damn chair.”

***

“So what, you fry his brain? With no active cyberware, his output capacity for netrunning is-”

“Perfectly fine for a short dive like that.” she snarled, firing up one of the monitors.

“So you’ve done this before?” mockery rang in Viktor’s voice, a tone so unfitting to him it made Takemura cringe.

“There is always a risk of-” this time, Akiko was on the defensive, angrily smashing her fingers on the interface, not even looking away from the screen as she spoke.

“Then how about, for once, you actually-” Viktor started, but Takemura swiftly cut him off mid-sentence.

“Enough! Do not talk about me like I am not here. I do not know what it is between you two, but I would appreciate it if you could put it aside, just for a second.”

They both looked at him surprised, but dropped the banter, limiting themselves to exchanging glares and singular words as each set up their respective equipment. After a few more minutes, Akiko hopped onto the other chair, adjusting a few parameters on the screen above it before finally pushing it aside and plugging her personal link into the port.

“Let’s get this over with.” with that, her eyes rolled back into her skull, whites glistering. Takemura could see a soft glow that her eyelids didn’t manage to block and looked over to Viktor, netrunning cord in hand.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” the ripper said, pushing up the glasses with his free hand.

“You were not this hesitant when I first asked.” Takemura pointed out.

“I know, but-” Viktor started, but just shook his hand. “anyway, you’ve made your decision, I don’t really have a say beyond giving you advice.”

“Is it medical advice or a friendly one?”

“Between you and me, a bit of both,” Viktor said, but seeing the other man’s expression, he just handed him the cord. Takemura plugged it in without a word and allowed himself to lay back, resting his head on the leather headboard.

For a brief second, his vision glitched. Takemura turned his head to look at Viktor once more, but before he could say anything else, the image started to blur and then bleed over, warping the room into an unrecognizable array of colors and shapes before that, too, was replaced by pitch darkness. Takemura felt as if the soft leather of the chair he was lying on had melted away, replaced by pure nothingness as he felt himself fall, gaining momentum with each passing millisecond. He tried moving his hands, just to see if he could, if not to stop the fall, but before he managed to force his limbs to move, it came to an abrupt stop. When he looked down, the floor he was standing on lighted up with soft, blue light with each step he took. Takemura turned his head to look around, the illuminated structures rising right in front of his eyes. He could see them shifting, thousands of lines of code wriggling like a can of worms, a perfect military unit, moving into position.

When it finally settled, he wasn’t sure he was seeing it right.

The stairs he had been standing on were bare, no handle or barrier to stop an eventual fall. Looking behind his shoulder in search of Akiko, Takemura started walking up, passing the rigid structures of scaffolding around the construction site until finally, he reached a rooftop. Before he had a chance to take in his surroundings, his eyes landed on a figure standing on the edge, the red strings of code of her silhouette contrasting sharply with the blues and blacks surrounding them. The woman had her arms crossed over her chest and she was casually leaning on the railing. Had they been in a different place, Takemura would say she was admiring the sunset, but since there was nothing of this sort to speak of in this bottomless pit of data, only darkness beneath them, it was only a brief thought. He walked in closer, his footsteps echoing on nothing. With every step he took, he felt his stomach sink further as the women’s silhouette materialized in more and more detail. Her short, frizzy hair stood out in every possible direction, strands moving slightly with the nonexistent wind.

“V?” his voice came out coarse, but the syllable carried through the empty space between them. The woman stirred but did not turn, eyes fixed on something far in the horizon, something only she could see. He took a few more steps forward, closing the distance between them, and stood next to her, putting his arms on the railing. The area beneath them was no longer empty, the second he laid his eyes on the digital landscape, data started pouring together to form shapes, an intricate composition of buildings. It was only a draft of the real thing, devoid of any real detail, but it was more than enough. They were looking at a shadow of Arasaka Industrial Park.

Takemura turned his head to V, or rather to whatever digital footprint of her remained. She was still not acknowledging his presence, but as she stared far into the complex beneath them or at the sunset which beauty he could not see, she was smiling.

“Takemura.” it came from somewhere behind him. He turned, startled, and saw Akiko approaching him from the other side of the platform. When he looked back to where V was standing, he saw she was no longer there. A fleeting memory.

“Why are we here?” he asked, voice echoing against the nonexistent walls.

“It highly depends on what is that ‘here’ you’re speaking of.” Akiko raised her eyebrows, though something in her expression told him she knew perfectly well what he had in mind.

“So it looks different to you?”

“Yeah. What you’re seeing is just your brain’s attempt to visualize the plethora of data going through it. It fishes for a familiar place to ease the neural strain. Now come on, let’s go get what we came here for, no need to linger.”

***

His vision still hadn't cleared by the time he and Viktor gathered up to leave, a slightly blurry notification popping up on his interface informing him of an incoming transaction. He accepted with a flicker of the eye and watched as his account balance quadrupled with the money he and Akiko recovered. It should be just enough to get him back on his feet, at least until he figures out what to do next, but first things first, he had to pay Viktor back.

“And Takemura?” Akiko shouted behind him right as they were about to leave. “We’re even.”

They walked back to Viktor’s apartment in complete silence, snow creaking beneath their boots as they turned each corner, both lost deep in their own thoughts. By the time they reached the megablock, it was well past midnight, but it didn’t mean the social hubs of the building were any more empty. They passed through them quickly and eventually found themselves back in Viktor’s place, shedding off their coats and throwing them over the desk’s chair almost in unison.

It was Viktor who finally broke the silence.

“Let me rewrap that for you.” Viktor gestured toward the other man’s arm. “Afterwards, we can sit down and talk, maybe crack a beer or two open. Reckon it’ll do both of us some good” Takemura nodded and watched the ripperdoc walk away from the table towards the bathroom. Takemura could hear the rattling of medical supplies as Viktor gathered everything he needed from a small cabinet above the sink. Still intrigued by whatever went down between Viktor and Akiko back in her lair, Takemura took a seat at the counter, quickly unbuttoning the cuffs and rolling the shirt’s sleeve up to reveal the bandaged arm. He didn’t have much time to ponder before Viktor finally emerged and put the supplies on the counter in front of them before hopping onto the chair himself.

There were more cuts than he remembered, places where Viktor went in with a scalpel to replace some of his ruined cyberware. The cuts were still angry red, but in much better condition than they had the right to be after such a short time, neat stitching pulling the broken skin together. Takemura knew they’re going to scar, but at the very least he still had an arm. He watched silently as Viktor worked, cleaning the wounds with an antiseptic before putting fresh gauze over them.

There was something about Viktor that made Takemura want to lean into the touch. He was used to doctors, having been injured countless times in the course of his service to the Arasakas, but there was a jarring difference between the way the ripperdoc was looking over the cuts, none of the impersonal, clinical touch that Takemura was accustomed to. He took a deep breath in, dismissing the thought and pushing it as far down his consciousness as it’d go. It was not the time for such indulgences.

“I apologize,” Takemura finally said. “Perhaps I should not have acted this aggressively. I should not have intervened between you two to reach my own goal, since it was clearly a personal matter.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m glad you spoke up before we had a chance to jump to each others' throats,” the ripperdoc said, not lifting his gaze, still fixed on the other man’s arm. “I guess I owe you an explanation.”

“I have to admit I am curious,” Takemura said, this time choosing his words carefully. “but you do not owe me anything. If you prefer to keep this a private matter, it is fine. I would not hold that against you.”

“Don’t worry,” Viktor replied, pinning the fresh bandage in place. “I have to warn you, though. It’s a long one, so we might as well move to the couch. Let me grab some beer from the fridge.” and with that, he hopped off the chair. Takemura followed and settled on the sofa, Viktor soon joining him and handing him a bottle before sitting down.

“By the 60s, my boxing career was coming to an end. You see, cyberware in sports wasn't strictly regulated until not even a decade ago and more than a few lads took advantage. New guys came in, with implants padding their brains, and with how expensive those things used to be back then, there was no way I could afford even the smallest piece of cyberware. Soon enough, I found myself patching the guys on ringside more often than throwing punches and that’s when someone from Trauma noticed me. You have to understand that for a guy from Heywood, this was an opportunity of a lifetime. Most of the guys there are ex-military, so I was an odd one, but I didn’t allow myself to lag behind. Most of the time I didn’t feel like socializing, but I brought enough practical skills to the table that the others respected me.

A few months into the program, they added another guy to our unit. His name was Takeshi and he moved to Night City shortly before that, from the Kyoto branch of Trauma. Still had a few months of basic training to do, so they placed him with us. Takeshi was off to a rough start, dropped into our group a few months in, everyone already a part of their own little clique. Some of them didn’t take too kindly to a newcomer and I can’t blame them, considering the way Trauma medics are trained to work like one organism. It takes trust to build this level of coordination, so Takeshi had a lot to prove” Viktor paused, taking a sip from the bottle. “and let me tell you, he delivered.”

“That is him in the photo, yes?” Takemura asked, gesturing toward the small collection of pictures to their right. Viktor nodded.

“I never quite dropped boxing, it was an excellent way to stay in shape for a job like that, so I’d always stay behind in the gym to practice after the place emptied in the evenings. One night, Takeshi stayed behind too, watching me for a good while. I didn’t make anything of it, figuring he’ll eventually get bored and leave, but instead he asked me for a sparring.” Viktor chuckled at the memory. “my first thought was that he was joking. The guy was way smaller than me and the insinuation that he’d be able to take me on was laughable and that’s what I did. Presumptuous, I know.” he added, noticing Takemura’s expression. “but I didn’t know any better back then. I thought we’d be done in seconds.”

“And were you?” Takemura asked, taking a sip from his own bottle. The beer had a rich, somewhat spicy taste that lingered after. He could feel his lips smirking against the cold glass, already knowing where Viktor’s story was going.

“Oh, we were. With me sprawled on the ground.” the ripperdoc let out a short laugh. “As you see, I made the mistake of underappreciating him. After that, we’d often stay behind together practicing. Soon enough, we started to meet outside of it too, often spending weekends going from bar to bar. As it turned out, he wasn’t the quiet guy I took him for, turning out to be quite chatty. He’d tell me all about his life back in Kyoto, not to mention he was quite opinionated about Night City, especially the local food, just as you are.” Takemura opened his mouth to ask how Viktor could possibly know that, but then it hit him. V must’ve told him all about the time they spent together.

“Doing a gig for Trauma was the fastest way for him to get a medical license and stay in the US for good, but he was probably the least trigger happy person I’ve ever known. Would make a great hospital doctor, with his bedside manner, but bureaucracy made it impossible for him to just hop positions like that. Months went by and we graduated, by dumb luck ending up in the same unit. Two years down the line and he comes to me, the stupidest grin on his face, telling me he met a girl.”

“Akiko?”

“Yeah. She was starting at Arasaka back then, climbing her way up the information security department. She never really liked me, but they hit it right off, another two years pass and he invites me to their wedding, even asked me to be his best man. Best party I’ve ever been to. It all seemed to be working out for us, he was happily married and we both landed great jobs. That is, before corporate started rubbing their hands all over it.”

“Isn’t Trauma a private corporation in and on itself?

“It is, but bear with me. When you’re a regular armed medic, you don’t really feel all the pressure coming from above, but the higher up you go, the more entangled you get. I’m sure you know what I mean.

“You might say so.”

“Then I’m sure you know, most likely better than anyone else, that it’s just a matter of time before those things start to get complicated. But that’s a whole different story, a less happy one, but it explains why Akiko reacted the way she did when she saw me this evening.” Viktor said, leaning back on the sofa and taking another swing from the bottle. “but I guess neither of us has anywhere else to be right now.”

“I believe so,” Takemura replied, placing his beer on the small coffee table in front of them.

“Alright then. You know, I’m not superstitious, but that day, I knew something bad would happen. I just didn’t think it'd be like this.”

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #goro takemura/viktor vector #takevik #vikemura #goro takemura #Viktor Vector #cp2077 spoilers #The Devil Ending #My writing

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soveryanon · 4 years

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Reviewing time for MAG169 (nice)~

- So, no cookie for guessing Desolation with this one, but big kudos to those who guessed that the episode would be reminiscent of the Grenfell Tower fire. Oh boy, what a domain it was ;; Desolation episodes have always felt extremely cruel and this one went veeerrry harsh on the torture and despair, even before the physical pain of it (as Jon said, “Some fears don’t need to be intensified; only manifested”). I really felt the nightmare-logic in this one, the feeling of being trapped and discovering/realising the rules and parameters as they became relevant; a little scenario that felt repeated, again and again, beginning badly (home as a prison, a toxic place that one cannot help but love because it’s familiar and theirs) and only getting worse, with Sabina losing everything (parents, possessions, physical safety), while at the same time… everything was rooted in something very concrete, very logical, very relatable, laced with poverty and the loss of agency.

- The edge in Jon’s voice for this one was terrifying (and so was the soundscaping, expressing what was being said), and it seemed… on point for The Desolation. Jude directly called him out about the fact that he himself was enjoying the fear but, even before that, the way Jon narrated Sabina’s nightmare really hammered in the cruelty and sadistic glee of the domain feeding on her ;; The mentions of the “landlord” were especially chilling, given a rhythmic, almost casually fatalistic c’est-la-vie tone to the whole ordeal (… while no, clearly, it wasn’t, and even if the fire had been accidental, there should have been ways and options to make it out… but no, due to an accumulation of negligence/neglect turning into something criminal):

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “But the door latch never really aligned properly, you see; the landlord always said he was going to get it fixed and… it refuses to open. […] The window frame never really opened properly, you see; the landlord always said he was going to get it fixed. […] But the fire escape was always really rusty, you see; the landlord always said he was going to replace it. […] Falling back into the inferno that is now her home, Sabina dashes over to the laughably small fire extinguisher the landlord begrudgingly provided; it is sputtering, and empty.”

(… Jon impersonating the parents’ screams sadly took me out of it on first listen, because the “We’re BURNING” immediately made me think of Jonny-playing-Galahad in HNOC’s “Hellfire” and the “We’re FALLING into the flames”, which was a bit of a mood-whiplash x”) It worked better on second listen, and again, WHAT is Jon currently feeding to the tape recorders…)

- Same as in other domains, memories were clearly rewritten or only made accessible to serve the dominant Fear at stake:

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: “Next to him, Charlie saw Ryan, who he’d known since childhood – though the other details were hazy. Ryan gave him a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile – before his face exploded inwards to a sniper’s bullet, peppering the boat with shards of bone and gore.”

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: “There was never a time before the disease, no matter what the old bastards tell you. It has always been in the village, always festered in the dark corners where nobody could stomach to check, where good neighbours wouldn’t dream to speculate.”

(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: “Its pace remaining as it ever was, it does not care for coming pains as you are torn. Doesn’t it know who you are? No… And soon… neither will you. […] You will be someone again, someday. […] “I’m still Hannah!” you try to scream, but are you? No. Perhaps there’s some Veronica as fragments there, or Julian, or Anya, but… no. You feel the last of names and “who” you might have been be torn away and borne towards new bodies. New pages, blank; determined to be people.”

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: “When had the crushing pressure in his chest become literal? When had the empty promise of the horizon finally vanished completely, replaced by the pitch darkness of this “forever wall of earth”? Sam did not know. Time had no meaning here. […] His existence was static, and eternal. Immutable. “Sleep” was only a memory, because even the prospect of unconsciousness might have made his present state slightly more bearable. Food as well, he knew, must be a thing, for he could feel the hunger, but his imagination failed to picture it. The only smell he knew was the damp, and the dirt.”

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “How long as she lived here? How long have these cramped, dingy rooms in the back of this sprawling rundown tenement been the place her heart calls home? She cannot recall, but long enough for her to grow into love for it, to cherish every rusted appliance, every crumbling piece of plasterboard, every – flickering – lightbulb. […] Sabina cannot… picture their faces, but knows that should they wake to see the state of the place… their anger would be blistering. […] What floor was her flat on again? Surely, it can’t be this high. […] Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories, that she can’t quite place [STATIC RISES] but knows are precious to her, curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family whose faces seem indistinct but she knows that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass pops out of the frame.”

For Sabina, memories were only useful to represent what she would lose. (;; It’s one of the things that still makes me the most uneasy with this season: the fact that regular people are deprived of who they used to be, the memories of who they were… while Jon&Martin are beaming with their Uniqueness. People are trapped in these nightmares but, by comparison, it feels a bit like they’re already “dead” and interchangeable, only allowed to remember things and be reshaped to better fear and feed the Powers…)

- I was wondering what would be the point of avatars in this new world (if they would still feed their patrons, or be absolutely superfluous, etc.). The fact that Jude’s death apparently didn’t perturb the Desolation domain very much tends to prove that they aren’t necessary, so it really seems like the keyword was what Oliver said last episode:

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Sometimes, for some small variety, I will allow Danika to brush against another root: the final fate of someone she loves. […] And with each one, she knows her steps forward bring closer not only her own end, but all of theirs. Time walks forward with her, but she has not the strength to stop it. Her fate draws ever-nearer, filling me with the joy of watchful fear, but also my own concerns.”

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: It’s a maze in there, deliberately so. People running, desperately struggling for fire escapes only to find them blocked. … We won’t get lost, though. I know the route. […] “Do you smell smoke? Do you smell… the creeping ruin of a life, a stalking creature of unmaintained electricals, of cheap insulation, of cut-corners and missing fire alarms and unenforced safety regulations? Do you see it creeping under the door to your bedroom as you sleep, the burning coals of its eyes, regarding you in the supposed safety on your home; not indifferent, but hungry, eager to take everything from you, to burn down your life in any sense it can reach? Can you hear the crackling promise of kindled despair, that it whispers into your uneasy, dreaming ear?”

“Variety”? Creativity? Diversifying people’s suffering for the Powers’ enjoyment, and above all The Eye’s? I… wonder what that would mean regarding Jon, as The Eye’s favourite, right now… ;;

- I got genuinely surprised that Jon mentioned Arthur Nolan as still alive, because I thought he had been done for since March 2014 and the events recalled by Jordan Kennedy:

(MAG145) GERTRUDE: So. Now, Diego has taken over… Where does that leave you? ARTHUR: [SNORT] Slumlording over a nest. GERTRUDE: Oh. A nest of… what? ARTHUR: Found a mass of the Crawling Rot growing, a while back. Managed to get a hold of the property before it became too big. Gotta wait ‘til it blossoms before we can properly burn it. So until then… just playing landlord.

(MAG055) JORDAN: Time seemed to move slowly as he reached for the ashtray on the arm of the chair and picked up a pack of matches. He struck one and without even looking at me, he gently pressed the small flame to the centre of the scar. His flesh caught fire, immediately, the flames spreading across his body like rippling water. The armchair caught, then the floor, and then I was running out of the building before the rolling inferno could come at me as well.

(MAG169) MARTIN: Right… I just assumed this would be… Who was that landlord guy? ARCHIVIST: Arthur Nolan. He’s here, he has a… part of it, but it’s… huge. Bigger than you could believe. There’s so much fear in there…

It had felt odd to die from self-immolation, for a Desolation avatar, but we hadn’t seen him since then, and he had lived his time – given how Eugene Vanderstock was aware that he wouldn’t last forever (MAG139: “So, me? I was born in ‘36 – I know, I don’t look seventy. But burning the candle at all ends does have a few advantages. Until you burn out entirely, at least. It’s hard to say how much I’ve got left in me; how much longer my sacrifices can buy me. But when I go… you better believe I’m going big – and it is going to hurt.”), I had assumed that Arthur setting himself on fire was because his time has reached its limit and/or that his life had been tied to The Hive’s nest somehow by Gertrude, and that Jane becoming The Hive meant his final demise or something? But apparently, no, he was still around. I wonder what he was doing during the following four years? (If it was a matter of Desolation avatars respawning in the domain, I’d have expected for Agnes to be mentioned, but she wasn’t, so…)

- Speaking of Arthur, it’s hilarious how much this statement hammered in the confluence of Corruption/Desolation when it comes to one’s life crumbling, getting devastated:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “Maybe the dirt and grime builds up to such a degree that the stench begins to infect your soul, or an infestation of moths or ants or bed bugs stretches itself throughout the very structure of your home, until it feels like your skin is squirming with them. […] How long as she lived here? How long have these cramped, dingy rooms in the back of this sprawling rundown tenement been the place her heart calls home? She cannot recall, but long enough for her to grow into love for it, to cherish every rusted appliance, every crumbling piece of plasterboard, every – flickering – lightbulb. Even as the widening cracks and spreading mould fill her heart with dread, they gently, slowly, inch by inch, approach the mildewed room where her parents lie sleeping.”

… Given Arthur’s utter disdain for the idea that The Lightless Flame could be assimilated to anything Corruption-adjacent:

(MAG145) ARTHUR: Not like I can vent to the others about what a prat Diego is! Got a lot of funny ideas. Still calls The Lightless Flame “Asag”, like he was when he was first researching it. I just want to tell him to get over it – I mean, [FASTER AND FASTER] Asag was traditionally a force of destruction, sure, but as a church, we very much settled on burning in terms of the… face we worship, and some… fish-boiling Sumerian demon doesn’t really match up, does it?! Plus, there’s a lot of disease imagery with Asag that I’ll reckon is… way too close to Filth for my taste, but, but no, he read it in some ~ancient tome~, so that’s that– GERTRUDE: Well, I can’t say I– ARTHUR: –reckons he always knows best, ‘cause he’s read a few books, well. Big. Deal! Way I see it, if a writer can’t even save themselves, they probably don’t have a lot worth knowing! Find me one so-called “expert” on all of this who didn’t end up regretting all of it!

I hope your ego and convictions are shattering and that this is your personal hell, Arthur. Diego was RIGHT.

- Regarding Jon and Martin’s own domains, Jon raised the possibility that they were metaphorically trapped in their own quest, and it follows the comments about how they were outside of the box:

(MAG164) MARTIN: Are we safe, traveling like this? ARCHIVIST: Yes… Yes, sort of, we’re… I don’t know how to phrase it, we’re… something between a pilgrim and a moth. We can walk through these little worlds of terror, watching them; separate, and untouched. MARTIN: [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] That’s not as comforting as you might think. ARCHIVIST: I like it better than the alternative…!

(MAG165) MARTIN: But. You said we needed to go through these places. … Is that even going to work here? ARCHIVIST: Uh… [EXHALE] We need to go through them… metaphorically. MARTIN: Mm… ! ARCHIVIST: Psychologically, we need to… “experience” them. […] MARTIN: Jon, what are you talking about? NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She can’t touch us. We’re so far beyond her now. NOT!SASHA: [FURIOUS SNARLS] ARCHIVIST: She’s just like everything else here, rules by The Eye.

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: Like I said, I can’t see the future. It wouldn’t free them, if that’s what you’re asking. “Free” doesn’t really exist in this place. MARTIN: Apart from us. ARCHIVIST: I suppose. I–in a sense, though… [CHUCKLING] how much of that is because we are trapped in our own quest to– MARTIN: Okay, let’s, let’s not dive into another… ontological debate right now, not here.

… and 1°) they’re still technically under The Eye – the whole world is its domain right now; 2°) Obligatory “WHAT IS MARTIN’S DOMAIN” (a fixed place? Web, Lonely? The Institute-Panopticon too? Jon as “the Archive”, having ~trapped~ Martin?), 3°) … big Oouft because if they were to consider their quest as the “domain” trapping them… a quest is made around a goal. Jon presented it as a “doomed quest” which was already worrisome, Oliver highlighted that the current system would ultimately collapse on its own, The Buried’s domain taunted its victims with constant hope, so… if the goal kept being unreachable, but still “almost” out of reach, Jon and Martin could be trapped a bit more literally than just on an ontological plane.

- ;w; Martin is afraid of fire…

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: … You said you were onboard. MARTIN: I was! I am; I just… thought… ARCHIVIST: It wouldn’t hurt? MARTIN: … That we’d be safe. ARCHIVIST: I never said– MARTIN: I know! I know, okay, I just… [SOMETHING SHATTERS] Look, I j–, I just don’t want to get burned, alright? It’s, it’s like my least favourite pain ever. ARCHIVIST: Is that… a joke? MARTIN: No, no! Okay? I… I legitimately hate burns, alright, they’re–they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just, it– It–it just makes me sick, I–I hate it. Hate it!

* Is it related to the fact that he had to care for his mom from a very young age, and that accidents happened…? That makes his decision to burn statements in MAG117-MAG118 even braver – fire that he could control on his terms, but still, in close proximity to him.

* … Actually, Elias implanting in his mind the truth of how his mother saw him, while Martin had just burned a few statements and was threatening to keep doing it, and when the smell of the fire might have still be floating around at that moment miiiight have added fuel (ha) to Martin’s own fear. Associating bad things and pain to fire.

* Wooft that he hates burns and what they leave, when he’s probably been walking kilometres holding Jon’s all-burned-to-fuck hand.

* YEAH ALSO, that line about how pain can leave a scar even if there is no physical mark to show for it? Is valid on its own but, given Martin’s past, resonates even more when keeping in mind his relationship with his mother and the way Elias inflicted his powers on him and Melanie (MAG118: “Do you want to know what she sees when she looks at you?”). It’s really not empty words, he knows from experience.

* … Same thing as the contrast between MAG117 (“This way I finally get to do something. It’s gonna hurt, but… I’m ready. And I want to. Also, I get to burn some stuff, so that cool!”) and MAG118 (“Don’t. burn. any more. statements.”) around fire: reality not as great as when plans were made, when it comes to the “smiting”, uh.

* … Obligatory “This Is How Web!Martin Can Still Win” since The Desolation and The Web were extremely at odds, and Martin… really was uncomfortable and panicking in this zone, when he had been keeping it together in previous ones (he got very afraid in the Slaughter’s, but it was the first and Martin was discovering the rules):

(MAG139, Eugene Vanderstock) “The compromise we came to… was Hill Top Road. We knew it was a stronghold of The Web, full of other children Agnes’s age. We would supervise from a distance, but were confident she would be in no danger. The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand – all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.”

(Though to be fair: Martin presented himself as a “luxury smörgåsbord” for Fears in MAG117 since he was “just afraid all the time”, was always the Assistant Of Many Fears throughout the series, so it doesn’t have to be significatively a Web indicator – it’s mostly that, well, alright, so Martin can still feel specific, personal fears.)

- … And meanwhile: we went from Jon really casually forgetting that he was using his powers and knew more than he mundanely should have (the beginning of MAG167) to taking a moment to remember that Martin is not omniscient nor a mind-reader, not processing that pain (even temporary and without long-lasting damage) is a genuine factor, and admitting blankly that he’s feeding from this world, which, oops:

(MAG167) [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Help us with what? MARTIN: ‘xcuse me? ARCHIVIST: Annabelle, help us with “what”? Our–our, our journey, killing Elias, vanishing the Entities – what? [FOOTSTEPS STOP] MARTIN: Please don’t do that. ARCHIVIST: Do what…? Oh! Oh. Right, I, I see, yes. [STATIC FADES] Well, I– … [FOOTSTEPS RESUME] Sorry. MARTIN: It doesn’t… feel great, having someone looking inside your head…! […] I mean, I don’t want to keep secrets from you, but– ARCHIVIST: You should at least… be able to. MARTIN: Basically, yeah…! ARCHIVIST: I–I suppose that’s fair. MARTIN: It’s just… It’s weird, knowing that you can… know literally everything I think and feel– ARCHIVIST: Right… MARTIN: –especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people. Emotionally, I mean.

(MAG169) MARTIN: … Seriously? You don’t– … It’s on fire, Jon, it’s– ARCHIVIST: Yeah, uh… MARTIN: It’s a burning building! ARCHIVIST: Yes, it is. MARTIN: That’s on fire! ARCHIVIST: Yes. MARTIN: … Right. You are aware that traditionally, wading into a flaming inferno is actually considered bad for your health? ARCHIVIST: Yes, Martin. It will be fine. MARTIN: Alright. I just wanted to check. So. Okay. We’re planning to go through… all this, so I’m guessing the fire can’t… actually burn us! Right? Jon? ARCHIVIST: Hum… MARTIN: … Jon? ARCHIVIST: Hum… Mm… MARTIN: Jon. ARCHIVIST: I–it’s complicated. MARTIN: Well, if you want me to go in there with you, then I suggest you find a way to make it simple. “Yes” or “no”, can that fire hurt us? ARCHIVIST: Define “hurt”. MARTIN: Will the fire feel hot to me? ARCHIVIST: Yes. MARTIN: Will it cause me lots of pain, if I touch it? ARCHIVIST: Yes, though not as much as– MARTIN: [SHAKILY BUT STRONG] Will it burn me alive, and kill me dead? ARCHIVIST: … No. It can’t do us any permanent harm; once we’re out, we’ll be fine. MARTIN: You are aware that intense pain can do you loads of harm, even if there’s no any physical injury! […] ARCHIVIST: I should have told you before, so… I leave the decision to you. You know my feelings on the matter. MARTIN: I do? ARCHIVIST: I… Oh, right. I–I want revenge on Jude Perry. I want to… “smite” her. Make her feel what… [SIGH] what all her victims have felt. But I’m not willing to force you to suffer for it. […] JUDE: Yeah, but you like seeing their pain, don’t you? Their fear? ARCHIVIST: … Yes.

His relation to pain is understandable as someone who got “used” to the concept of hurting himself by repeatedly getting harmed, getting marked, and accepting more injuries to reach his goals and protect/save people who were close to him (and it’s very ironic that Martin used to be portrayed as the one “always setting himself on fire to keep others warm” while Jon… selectively did and does that too). The fact he’s feeding from this world is not a new thing: Jonah had announced that Jon would be tailored for this world, Jon himself pointed it out in the trailer, Helen toyed with him by being implicit about it – what is new is the… reverence? with which Jon seemed to marvel at the Desolation domain, the glee during the statement, the deadpanness when Jude called him out on it. It felt like at the beginning of the season, Jon was expressing more guilt, more uneasiness when it came to his enjoyment of this world… and in this episode, those were absent. So is it that he’s gradually accepting it? Or that he was trying to make a point to Martin about himself, about the fact that he is also (objectively) a monster and needs Martin to keep him in check if he doesn’t want to turn out like the others? No idea, but I feel like something is happening and building up about it;;

(… Was Jon feeding from Martin, in the Desolation domain? Martin who was miserable and afraid, coughing and in pain?)

- I LOVED the effect of Jon being in his small “bubble” of pouring out the statement, only for Martin to fight his way to get him out of it:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories, that she can’t quite place [STATIC RISES] but knows are precious to her, curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: “–whose faces seem indistinct but she knows–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! ARCHIVIST: “–that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: “–pops out of the frame.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon, she’s here! ARCHIVIST: “Her home is being eaten alive by–” MARTIN: [CLOSER] Please come back! ARCHIVIST: “–this devouring Desolation–” MARTIN: JON! ARCHIVIST: “–and she–” [RESOUNDING SLAP] [STATIC FADES] MARTIN: She’s here! [COUGHS]

* … So, interestingly, Martin could actually get him out of it this time, while he had mentioned in MAG167 that he couldn’t stop Jon. Was it because the “statement” was different: given by the Desolation domain in this one vs. Jon giving a statement through his “knowing” in MAG167? Is it because Martin was outside of the statement mode, not listening to it (so able to break it, since he wasn’t enthralled by it)? Or is it because Martin has been becoming stronger by getting in contact with the domains? Or because he actually could have stopped Jon in MAG167… but didn’t, because he was curious, too, and preferred to think and say that he was entirely caught in the statement?

(* With MAG160, that’s the SECOND time Martin slapped Jon to “get him back” in some way. Gotta love how Jon shaking him off from The Lonely was by breaking out the violins and making an emotional confession and baring his soul to him vs. Martin, getting Jon back into focus by screaming and slapping him. Different kind of powers when there is an emergency.)

* … I’m very interested in the fact that the tape recorder was with Jon in that tiny statement bubble, while Martin was heard muffled from the outside. It wasn’t only Jon’s POV: it was, above all, the tape recorder’s, hearing the statement more distinctly than Martin. It illustrated the situation very well (Jon being unreachable and following the story, and the outside having trouble interacting with him), but I wonder what caused the bubble to exist in the first place: the Desolation domain contaminating Jon with his story? Beholding, focusing its attention on Jon because he was acting as a vessel while narrating Sabina’s story? Or the tape recorder, since Jon was feeding it?

- It’s noteworthy that so far, avatars have all been able to identify Jon as the one having provoked this apocalypse, and not “just” as an avatar beneficiating from it the most since The Eye is his patron:

(MAG164) HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you!

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: [STATIC FADES] The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned.”

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: Hello, Jude. JUDE: Fancy seeing you both here. To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure, the honour, of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world, and his, uh… valet…? […] Sure, I moan about The Eye, who doesn’t? But, we’ve won! Both of us. And… that’s great!

Seems like they got a special knowledge or are able to feel his status in the new world? It’s still cracking me up that nobody ever mentions Jonah and his participation, and that he’s absolutely irrelevant (while he was the one to scheme and pushe and engineer this apocalypse in the first place).

- Gigantic dread as soon as Jon mentioned Jude, because y i k e s: technically, we heard about avatars who felt extremely ruthless and cruel, such as John Amherst or Arthur Nolan, but those had belonged more to Gertrude’s era. Jude Perry was the one who felt the most gratuitous and deliberate in her cruelty, in Jon’s era? And despite that, was mostly staying in her lane – Jon had to look her up to find her in MAG089, she never went after him? So the idea that he was trying to confront her and bringing Martin with him (… without warning him at first), that he sought her out and was planning to kill her, felt dangerous and worrisome.

- Gotta love, about the “valet”-thing, how:

(MAG169) JUDE: Fancy seeing you both here. To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure, the honour, of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world, and his, uh… valet…?

* It’s payback for Jon’s “I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct?” (MAG089). Opposite of mlm/wlw solidarity.

* ONCE AGAIN, after Elias, after Peter, after maybe Helen currently?, it’s an avatar underestimating Martin on sight.

- It felt to me like Jon was mostly seeking answers or a form of peace of mind than genuinely getting revenge, or helping Jude’s victims? He insisted on his questions all through their confrontation:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: I have a question for you. I’ve been wondering. MARTIN: [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: Did you know what you were doing? JUDE: Excuse me? ARCHIVIST: When you burned me. Marked me with… Did you know it would lead to… all of this? [CRUMBLING] JUDE: You came all this way just to ask that? ARCHIVIST: Answer the question. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just reach into my head and pull it out? ARCHIVIST: Because I want to hear you say it. Willingly. JUDE: What difference does it make if it’s– ARCHIVIST: Just answer the damn question…! JUDE: … No. I had no idea. ARCHIVIST: So why did you do it? JUDE: Why do you think? Because I wanted to hurt you. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: Because you were annoying, and I didn’t like you! So I hurt you. ARCHIVIST: And if you had? JUDE: But I didn’t. Look. I don’t care, okay? MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: I just… I don’t. Raking over the past like it matters, like it means anything… The past is dead, Archivist; ashes in the wind. We’re – here – now. And that’s it! ARCHIVIST: … I suppose you’re right…!

And this time, it wasn’t a tug-o’-war of question/answer resulting in one’s death (Peter), or an impulsive murder (Not!Sasha). It was planned and controlled, and deliberate. And it didn’t feel good at all: it was really a horrible scene, with Martin coughing and coughing in the background (… and Jon not paying it any attention), the execution dragging out and taking time, because Jon was processing slowly and not… giving the final blow. I really wondered if he was going to just stop, or if it wouldn’t work, or if Martin would ask him to stop – but no, quite the contrary, it’s Martin who yelled for it to be done:

(MAG169) MARTIN: [COUGHS] [STATIC RISING: LOW AND SPIRALLING, PRESSURING] JUDE: Uh! Listen… Listen… [BREATHLESS CHUCKLING] You’re enjoying this, right? ‘Course you are! You want to use those powers of yours to hurt people, you want to murder everybody who can’t fight back at you now? I can help you…! [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] MARTIN: Just DIE already!! JUDE: You’re… not… better… than… me! [SCREAMS] [DIGITAL BURSTING, RIPPING SOUNDS] [STATIC DECREASES AND FADES] MARTIN: [COUGH] [PANTING] Is it…? ARCHIVIST: It’s over. … She’s gone.

;; There was something very… child-like, in Martin’s scream? You know, the kind of absolute rejection because he’s hurt and because in his mind there is no other way than for the other person to disappear for him to feel good ever again? I hadn’t paid much attention with Not!Sasha, but technically, the distorted, glitching sounds before and during the ripping of both the Not!Them and Jude sounded very close to Peter’s own static (and Martin’s, when he disappeared in front of Georgie): is it possible that he might have contributed in both cases, or amplified it? Or was it “only” Jon all through it?

- There is something very fitting in the fate of avatars, lately: the Not!Them was forced to “know” the suffering of its victims before getting ripped away from existence; Oliver was not rejecting death and knew it would come from him at some point, and Jon fittingly decided to spare him (although he was aware of the irony); Helen-the-Distortion is an ambivalent case (Jon can threaten her, but they can talk, it’s a bit of an unstable relationship the balance of which could shift at any time); Jude was inflected the suffering of her victims (and desolated herself in a way). It’s kinda fitting, for The Stranger, The End, The Spiral and The Desolation? I wonder how much the Domains are influencing Jon’s behaviour towards their agents, regardless of his personal feelings about them…

- Regarding Jon&Martin, it’s really heartbreaking that they are trying to navigate around and with each other’s feelings, trying to find the “right” decision regarding choices and boundaries… and that it backfired so badly due to the circumstances and the fact that, right now, they can’t really make an ideal, non-harming decision:

(MAG169) MARTIN: Jon, is there another way? ARCHIVIST: I mean… sort of? M–maybe? [SILENCE] MARTIN: That turn…! You, you took a hard turn after the roots back there. I knew that was a thing! Why are we here? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] It’s just… [INHALE] When you said… [SIGH] MARTIN: Jon, why have you taken us here? ARCHIVIST: Jude Perry. … This is where Jude Perry rules. […] You said you were onboard. MARTIN: I was! I am; I just… thought… ARCHIVIST: It wouldn’t hurt? MARTIN: … That we’d be safe. ARCHIVIST: I never said– MARTIN: I know! I know, okay, I just… […] ARCHIVIST: … Alright. If you really don’t want to do this, we, we can go another way. MARTIN: Really…? ARCHIVIST: Really. My revenge… [SIGH] Well, let’s just say you’re more important. […] So are we going in, or not? MARTIN: You’re– … I, you’re asking me? ARCHIVIST: I should have told you before, so… I leave the decision to you. You know my feelings on the matter. MARTIN: I do? ARCHIVIST: I… Oh, right. I–I want revenge on Jude Perry. I want to… “smite” her. Make her feel what… [SIGH] what all her victims have felt. But I’m not willing to force you to suffer for it. MARTIN: Okay, so it’s… I have to choose, do I? ARCHIVIST: Or we could sit here. [SILENCE] [DISTANT SOUND OF SOMETHING COLLAPSING] MARTIN: … No. No, I–I’m not going to choose, I d–I don’t think that’s a fair decision to put on me. It’s your revenge; your choice, not mine. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … Fine. We go in. [DISTANT SOUND OF SOMETHING COLLAPSING] MARTIN: [SHAKY INHALE] Al–alright then…! ARCHIVIST: We’ll be fine. MARTIN: J– Lead the way. [BAG JOSTLING]

It was good of Jon to admit that he should ask Martin, and expressed reluctance at the idea of putting him in an uncomfortable position for his own revenge! It was good of Martin, to establish once again that he didn’t want to bear the burden of deciding for both of them (MAG154: “Don’t do this.” “Do what?” “Make it my decision.”), while it was explicitly about what Jon wanted! … But it also feels like Jon would have needed Martin to decide agree to go for him if the goal was for Jon to find some peace of mind with his revenge, and that Martin would have needed Jon to say that no, definitely not, his revenge wasn’t worth endangering and harming Martin.

(Though, I feel like Martin was the most hurt of them both, this time around ;; He sounded absolutely miserable at the end of the episode, and he had been the one to begrudgingly agree to follow Jon after making it clear that he wouldn’t like the experience… I’m really surprised that Jon stuck to the “revenge” concept while he knew what was at stake for Martin. Really hoping that they will talk about it soon ;;)

- ;; Technically, Jude made a lot of valid points regarding Jon-as-an-avatar:

(MAG169) JUDE: You’re not scared, though, are you, Archivist? ARCHIVIST: … I can feel the pain of every person you have trapped here. My own isn’t all that different. JUDE: Yeah, but you like seeing their pain, don’t you? Their fear? ARCHIVIST: … Yes. JUDE: You and that stupid Eye, god, you make me sick! Lording it over everybody like you own the place? You’re just leeches, voyeurs, parasites on the real monsters. […] Oooh, I see! I get it. You finally get a sniff of power, and the first thing you do is try to settle some old scores. MARTIN: [LOUDER COUGHS] JUDE: Play the big man, get off on good old-fashioned petty revenge~! […] I’m happy in this world. I belong here. And so do you. MARTIN: [COUGHS] [STATIC RISING: LOW AND SPIRALLING, PRESSURING] JUDE: Uh! Listen… Listen… [BREATHLESS CHUCKLING] You’re enjoying this, right? ‘Course you are! You want to use those powers of yours to hurt people, you want to murder everybody who can’t fight back at you now? I can help you…! [DIGITAL GLITCHING SOUNDS] MARTIN: Just DIE already!! JUDE: You’re… not… better… than… me! [SCREAMS]

He presented it to Martin as “revenge”. He went out of his way to find Jude, first hiding it from Martin and then deliberately making the decision of going after her after he learned that Martin would be terrorised by the domain (but ready to follow him if Jon really wanted to go). Jude’s execution also exists in contrast to Oliver, whom Jon had decided to spare because he had “helped” him (… to wake up as an avatar), while knowing full well that Oliver had killed people too (MAG121) and that he was currently torturing victims in his domains (in creative, cruel ways for “VARIETY”…). Jude’s smiting didn’t feel like an application of justice, or as something fair; it just felt like personal retribution, because Jon has the power to do it. There is something reassuring in the fact that the whole scene didn’t bring any catharsis, felt so extremely anti-climatic and miserable (Martin was in pain and on the verge of tears, wanted to leave the place; Jon wasn’t triumphant), because Jon behaved as the plaintiff, the legislature, the judge and the executioner – it is terrifying in itself that he has the power to establish who would have the “right” to die or to keep torturing people following whether or not they’ve served his interests.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: I just, I don’t think he’s… [SIGH] I don’t know, I don’t think he’s evil. MARTIN: Oh, yeah, sure, he’s probably a really kind, benevolent ruler of a hellish fear prison…! ARCHIVIST: It’s just… He helped me. Wh–when I was… He woke me up. […] But I’m not going to… seek him out. At the very least, he’s earned not having me hunt him down. MARTIN: Fine. I suppose that’s… reasonable. […] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] No. If Oliver will not seek me out, then… I will leave him be. [TINY CHUCKLES] The avatar of Death… shall live. Martin’s going to be thrilled…! [SIGH]

(MAG169) MARTIN: [COUGH] [PANTING] Is it…? ARCHIVIST: It’s over. … She’s gone. MARTIN: [PAINED] The fires are still here. Doesn’t look like much has changed. ARCHIVIST: … No. I suppose not. [CRUMBLING SOUND] MARTIN: [SHAKILY] … Let’s just get out of here.

Jude was indeed that one avatar we wanted to see disappear (since the was gleeful about hurting, that she chose to get involved in the cult and didn’t join it to escape another horrible fate, that she admitted she didn’t regret this world nor the hurt she had to Jon himself); but her accusations had some truth in them precisely because Jon had just decided to spare Oliver given their own relationship – while Oliver, too, had admitted that he was torturing and enjoying people for the fun of it. Jon’s judgement… doesn’t work. And since nothing changed in the domain, it just proved that avatars themselves weren’t the real problem at the root – the Fear-system is still in place, still working, with or without them, still hurting and feeding from people.

(… And it also highlights that, indeed, right now, Jon is “made” for this world, as Jonah had hypothesised in MAG160. He’s been shown grieving the old world, being eaten by guilt, refusing to embrace the fact that the Fears around him feel “right” at the beginning of the season. But he’s currently feeding from this world and still enjoying victims’ pain on some level – what would happen, if Jon&Martin managed to successfully revert the world back in some way? Would Jon still be able to survive?)

- We’ll see if Jon and Martin talk about it soon, but it sure feels like a conversation regarding the “smiting” is needed. Martin seems to have experienced first-hand that it’s nnooooot as good in practice as in theory (he was miserable, in pain, coughing his lungs out, witnessed Jon choose to willingly bring him into a discomforting, potentially triggering place in the name of it), but I’m not sure it will be enough for him to reconsider the idea, or to point out that… he had been wrong about it, and that the logic of killing avatars as an easy, evident, helpful thing… is actually not that simple, since it didn’t change anything. (Probably because they have to aim higher.)

I’m really not sure about their future stances regarding other avatars, because, really, who could feel as “deserving” as Jude? Jon might want his rib back, but he technically gave it to Jared as part of an agreement (and Jared honoured his half of the deal!); Daisy would “at best” represent an attempt at mercy-killing if Jon were to try anything (and it certainly wouldn’t feel good); Julia&Trevor… indeed caused the chaos in MAG158, which also led to Daisy snapping, but would it be enough to want to “smite” them? (Meanwhile, if Jon meets Simon: same as Oliver, given his relationship to his patron, he would probably just embrace his own death.)

Plus, if Jude’s execution felt unsatisfying now, I really doubt that doing anything to Jonah would feel satisfying either? It… wouldn’t solve anything or fix the world back.

- I really wonder what’s happening in Jon’s head right now, if everything was a conscious decision that more or less backfired (ha), or if there are once again influences at stake… Did he really go after Jude because, like Martin suggested, Jon thought it could free or at least relieve the people imprisoned in that domain? Jon can’t see the future, but he could have “known” what had happened to the Not!Them’s carousel to get an indication of what happens in those cases; it… didn’t sound like a genuine reason. Same thing with the concept of revenge: Jon was scared of it just a few episodes ago (MAG166: “Because I’m ashamed, Martin. […] Yes! Ashamed of the fact that I… destroyed the world and have been rewarded for it; the fact that… I can walk safe through all this horror I’ve created like a fucking tourist, destroying whoever I please; the fact that I… enjoyed it, and… the fact that there are… so many others, that I still want to revenge myself on!”), and if it had been only about revenge, he wouldn’t have needed to ask Jude all these questions and to delay the moment when he would actually end her. Was it because he hoped that Jude would regret, would have behaved differently if she had known that it would lead to the apocalypse? Was it because he wanted to check with himself whether “smiting” her deliberately would feel good, fair and right? Was it because he thought that trusting Martin’s judgement and killing avatars would indeed be the best course of action? Was it because he wanted to prove a point to Martin – that he’s a monster too, and/or that killing doesn’t feel as great in practice as on the paper?

… His behaviour in this episode reminded me so much of MAG141, however, and how coldly rational he had sounded about what he was doing to Floyd, as if it was a logical and implacable course of action; so I can’t help but wonder if there is Eye-related influence at play. Pushing him to hurt other avatars for The Eye’s entertainment, to feed from the ones who are usually feared? For “variety”, too?

- … Regarding Jon’s powers, I had briefly wondered whether Jon was still able to compel, given what Oliver had mentioned, but mMMMmmm…

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “Please, Jon, do not interpret this report as a “plea for mercy” or a “call to action”. I would have offered it willingly, of course, but to do so is no longer an option. You cannot ask; you may only take.”

(MAG169) JUDE: You came all this way just to ask that? ARCHIVIST: Answer the question. MARTIN: [COUGHS] JUDE: If you want to know so badly, why don’t you just reach into my head and pull it out? ARCHIVIST: Because I want to hear you say it. Willingly. JUDE: What difference does it make if it’s– ARCHIVIST: Just answer the damn question…! JUDE: … No. I had no idea.

Since compelling Peter to death, Jon has never been shown forcing an answer out of someone again. He has been shown “knowing” things with alarming ability, being almost entirely omniscient at this point (MAG164: “Okay. So… how much can you see? What else do you know?” “Uh… Maybe everything…!”), whether it’s prompted by someone’s questions (as Martin demonstrated) or Jon just knowing things on his own accord. He has demonstrated a new way to deal with “statements”: getting filled with the Fears suffusing his surroundings, and having to “pour out” these statements into the tape recorder (MAG162: “This cabin. It’s not right. And, when I thought that, I–I felt… It, it all poured out of me down… into the tape.”). He has manifested his new Eye-related ability to turn the Feared into the Fearful, eradicating monsters and avatars (MAG166: “But The Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part. And he’s able to, shall we say… shift its focus. Turn the one into the other.”). But compulsion as the act of asking a question and forcing an answer out of someone? Nothing since the beginning of the season. It might be nothing, but Oliver has always known so much about Jon and his situation, and Jude directly made a reference to that power when Jon didn’t use it, so… it could indeed be a thing.

(Or it’s also possible that, after Peter resisted compulsion to the point of dying, Jon fears that ability and what it could do, and purposefully stopped using it?)

MAG170’s title is… MmMMmm. If this an episode regarding a territory, I would say Spiral or Flesh (… and Jared in particular). It could also be about things outside of a domain, like what happened with “Curiosity” – and then, I’d see ways for it to be an outside POV (Jonah? Annabelle?) and/or other characters coming back (Georgie&Melanie? Basira? … stumbling upon/finding Daisy…?). And/or Martin talking about himself – we know so little about his pre-Archives life, I feel ;; (Same for Basira…) There could also be a way to connect with something mentioned about Agnes in MAG067…

(… It’s also making me think of Albrecht’s library / the Black Forest crypt and what Jonah did of the books…)

#mag169 #tma liveblog #tma season 4 #tma spoilers/#long post/#the magnus archives

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zankivich · 5 years

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Can’t Help Falling in Love with You: Werewolf!Shawn x Black Reader: In My Blood Universe

a/n: hiya. This is a companion piece to In My Blood which you can read HERE if you haven’t yet. I really loved those characters and Shawn was MADE to write werewolf AUs for, and MADE for to write fall AUs for. I wrote this one day when I was really sad that I couldn’t go the apple orchard this year. She (the story) makes me feel warm and soft. I hope you like. K bye.

*Shawn’s point of view*

Fall is her favorite season. Which means that fall quickly becomes his favorite season. And not out of blind allegiance to his mate either, but because she became actually the cutest human being in the world more than usual in the fall. It was the cozy sweaters, the leggings that were so soft and melded to the curve of her thighs with ease, the scarves that she made with her own two hands. How was he not meant to fall even deeper in love with her in the fall? It was ridiculous.

He’s sitting on the living room couch with Brian and Zeubin discussing parameter checks for the week when she plops down on one of the chairs and lets loose a dramatic sigh for the whole room to hear. He pauses and stares at her, a grin forming on his lips, but ultimately keeps speaking. When y/n doesn’t get the attention of her mate immediately she decides to plop more aggressively against her chair and sigh louder. You know, like an adult?

“Darling, is something bothering you?” He asked, pausing his conversation.

She peered over at him with what he liked to call her bambi eyes. They were as effective as they were ridiculous.

“Me? Oh nothing.” She hummed.

“You sure?”

“Oh I’m sure!”

The problem with the fact that she was lying was that once he thought about the fact that she clearly wanted something, he couldn’t really think of anything else. It was the problem with being mated to someone. He was designed to serve her. It was his moral compass of sorts. Making sure that she was happy and taken care of and satisfied. So, despite the fact that he had actual shit to do, it would all have to wait. The love of his life needed something after all.

“We’ll finish this later.” He muttered already getting up to head over to her.

“Annnnnd conversation over.” Brian chuckled.

She was in his Harvard sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so when his fingers tugged at her legs to make room for him to squish into the small space, he can marvel a little at the feel of her thighs. It helps that she immediately falls into him, throwing her legs over his lap, and her arms around his neck.

“Baby,” He cooed softly into her ear. “why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I can fix it.”

“Apples.” She mumbled.

“I’m sorry?”

“I want apples.”

Needless to say he was a little confused.

“Oh...well I think we might have one in the kitchen, love? Is that all you were upset about?”

She rolled her eyes and cupped his cheeks in her hands. She was really beautiful. And a little scary. HIs favorite combination of hers.

“I don’t want those sad ass apples, Shawn. I want them straight from the tree. I wanna go to an apple orchard! But your sad ass town doesn’t have one of them. I already looked.” She whined.

“Awww. Babe, I’m sorry. You’d know I move us closer to one if I could.”

He rubbed gently at her back beneath her--his--sweatshirt as he worked to console his mate.

Her eyes widened. “Wait can we do that?”

“Do what?”

“Move!”

He chuckled softly. “Not quite, sweetheart. It’s kinda hard to protect the town, if I don’t live in it.”

She sighed and nestled her head against his shoulder, her fingers hidden in the sleeves of his sweater. The frustration and sadness on her was difficult for him to swallow. He hated seeing her so down, and he hated more than anything that he couldn’t do anything about it. It might be as simple as an apple, but his heart didn’t know that. All his heart knew was that she was sad, and that everything in him wanted that not to be the case. And so he would fix it. Because her heart desired it.

***

*Y/n’s point of view*

You loved the house in the fall. Shawn’s land was all hidden, a forest of greenery and trees, so when they all began to turn it was the most beautiful array of colors that one had ever seen. On the weekends, you loved nothing more than curling up in the living room with all the windows and knitting while Shawn played guitar. Your home, though only a few miles away from the pack house felt sacred, felt like your own space, and Shawn did everything to keep it that way. All pack and general wolfy business was there. When he came home, he was yours and no one else's. The way you liked it.

He’d gotten out of bed that morning far too early for you. One moment he was wrapped around you, arms warm and solid and firm. The next moment the bastard was letting you go. Rude.

“No.” You whined rolling over to snuggled deeper into his chest. “Mine.”

He chuckled softly. “Your’s, aye? I’m no longer a person?”

“You can be a person all you want.” You mumbled, eyes still closed. “Just as long as you stay in bed while you do it.”

You felt his lips begin to press along your hairline where your skin and bonnet met. He dipped down to your neck and nibbled slightly at the skin. Just enough to piss you off.

“I need to go to the main house to check on things, love. I’ll be back. You know that.” He whispered.

You opened your eyes finally to see him looking at you. Gentle and smirking and sexy as all hell. It was ridiculous.

“I want you here.” You argued. “In bed. With me. Holding me. Don’t I deserve that?”

He nodded. “You do. You deserve the world. Which is why as soon as I’m done checking to make sure everything is okay, I’m going to come back here and make you breakfast.”

You rolled your eyes. “Shawn your breakfast sandwiches are not going to stop me from being annoyed this time.”

“No?” He asked softly. “Not even if I took you on an adventure afterwards?”

You raised an eyebrow.

“An adventure?”

“An adventure. But...you know, if you’ll still be angry with me, I could always call and cancel. Let me just--”

He went to grab his phone off the nightstand and you immediately tackled him back down into the bed. Shawn’s alpha-ness had nothing on the power of you being his mate. He fell to you immediately. And then of course quickly rolled you over to show who was still in power. At least in his mind.

“Okay, okay! Go be an alpha or whatever. And then come back. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned. “I love it when you get all dominant on me. Now get that ass over here and kiss me good morning.”

Mmmm. Love.

So, while Shawn was off doing his job, you took the liberty to slide into one of his sweaters and went about making breakfast yourself. Just because home boy worked at a coffee shop didn’t mean you couldn’t throw down too. By the time Shawn came back you were pulling bacon out of the oven and toasting your english muffins for some eggs benedict. When his arms wrapped around you, it felt like home. Like you never wanted to be anywhere else. And that was how you knew he was everything.

“Did you miss me?” He hummed moving your curls out of the way to best kiss your cheek.

You shrugged. “Little bit.”

“Little bit, aye? I missed you a lot-a-bit.”

“Yea?”

“Mhm.”

“Well then I guess I missed you too maybe.” You smiled.

“Yea, alright. Come here already.”

He kissed you silly against the kitchen counter until your english muffins burned and you had to remake them. It was worth it.

If fall was your favorite season then your favorite part of fall was the shift in Shawns’ wardrobe. Nothing made you more soft and happy than that man in a big ole sweater and tight skinny jeans. He was the epitome of warmth and softness and it just gave you everything that you needed. Despite him running 102 degrees on a cold day, he continued to implement the sweaters into his wardrobe for your own benefit, and that ladies and gentlemen is why you loved him so much.

“What are you smiling at so hard over there?” He chuckled, sliding his watch onto his wrist.

There was nothing you could do or say but to run up to him and hide your face in his sweater. When his arms wrapped around you, it was all comfort. You wondered endlessly where this man had been your entire life. It was so rude to only discover him now.

“I love you so much.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your head.

You smiled up at him, head tucked beneath his chin.

“Me too. So much.”

A ride in Shawn’s jeep was always a good way to spend the day. The rain today was more of a mist than a downpour which meant it surrounded the car on all sides cozily as he sped through the streets. You quickly passed through all of the houses and stores in town before heading out of the limits and towards the city. You peered out the window in interest, with zero idea where your mate might be taking you. Things got more confusing when instead of heading for the exit that would take you to the city, Shawn kept going farther and farther away from anything that might look like an adventure. Needless to say you were a bit confused.

“Babe, where are you taking me?” You asked peering around as the trees turned to fields of corn and grass.

“It’s a surprise, honey. Be patient.”

Patience. Not in a Black woman’s DNA.

Another thirty minutes go by. And then another fifteen. At this point your knee is bouncing in anticipation. The rain had stopped, leaving behind soft, muted grey clouds. You were just about to ask your boyfriend again where exactly the hell you were going, when finally a glimpse of life appeared. A sign. But not just any sign. A sign with a big ass apple on it.

You reach out involuntarily and grabbed his arm with all your might and shook.

“No you fucking didn’t!”

He laughed. “Surprise, sweetheart.”

“H--How! How did you find it?”

“Just took a little digging. You’re right that there’s not one in town, and there’s not on in the city. But two cities over we have: Peggy’s Orchard. You happy?”

“Yes! Yes! This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me! Let’s go!”

Without the rain around you’re free to pick your apples in peace. You take time to pull them from the trees and eat and share with Shawn. He holds your hand and picks the apples from the top of the tree when you need him to, which is often because the best apples are always at the top of the tree. Children run around with their parents, playing games between the trees. It smells like fall and feels like fall. It’s everything you wanted and more. Cause he’s there. Which makes it infinite.

“I love seeing you happy.” He admitted quietly as you tucked another full bag of apples into the back of his jeep.

“Huh?”

You turned around only to find him standing right in front of you. He moved closer still, using his hips to press yours intimately against the back of the jeep. His hands joined your hips and you practically melted into him.

“You’re just so beautiful to me when you’re happy. I mean you’re beautiful to me always but...I just wanna make you happy for the rest of forever okay?”

You smiled and tucked your face into the warmth of his neck.

“I love you so much.” You mumbled taking a second to still yourself against him. “Ew. We’re so incredibly sappy.”

He reached to skim his fingers along the back of your neck. They were so warm that you shivered.

“It’s okay to be sappy every now and again, I think. As long as I’m with you.”

After apple picking, he takes you to this amazing little village that’s set up with different activities for kids and adults alike. There are caramel apples galore and apple cider and caramel popcorn. It’s everything you loved about fall and the person you loved most. He wrapped his arm around you as you walked and took pictures in the hay with you. It was clear that this day mattered a lot you, and knowing that Shawn cared enough to put the effort in meant a lot.

“Can we get the biggest pumpkin we can find?” You asked as you came across the pumpkin patch. “I’ve never been with someone with werewolf strength who could carry it to the car.”

Shawn laughed wide and bright and perfect. Ugh.

“‘Course we can, sweetheart. Whatever you want.”

It’s a cumbersome process. The perfect pumpkin doesn’t just reveal itself easily. You have to search for it. You have to rub your fingers across the curves of the pumpkin. You have to become one with the pumpkin. The wild part is that he’s right there beside you the entire time. He knocks against the side of the pumpkins listening for the hollowness that you described to him. He rolled them over in search of that weird green stuff that sometimes appeared. He was in it with you, and he didn’t rush you or get annoyed or angry. You were having fun and so was he. And it felt like one of the most special days you’d ever had. Just you and him.

When you find the pumpkin, it’s so beautiful you could cry. It’s so big you couldn’t lift it if you used every muscle in your body. It was tall and round with a nice long stem on the end. Shawn picked it up with ease and brought it back to the car with promises of carving it together. He was again maybe the most perfect thing in the world.

“What do you say we go get some cider and sit by the bonfire before we head home?” He murmured when the pumpkin was put away. “I don't want this day to end yet.”

You smiled so hard you could feel the stretch in your cheeks.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

The bonfire at the center of the village seemed to be the beacon for couples and families. As night overtook the tiny town seemingly in the middle of nowhere, a chill set it. Shawn had wrapped a blanket from his truck around your shoulders and doubled up with his own arm. You got to lean your head against his shoulder and drink apple cider while staring at the fiery embers. It felt like home. You never knew that you could crave someone’s physical proximity so much. That you could just enjoy the essence of another being in the way that Shawn’s seemed to bring endless comfort to you. Part of it was that you were mates, sure, but you had a feeling that without it you still would have been drawn to him. He was like the sun. Just endlessly warm and kind and giving. You seemed to take up his entire line of vision, as if you were all that mattered even if you were far from it. You wondered if he knew that he was all that you saw too.

“Hey.” You murmured head nuzzling deeper into his neck.

You pressed a kiss there and love the way you could feel his body react.

“I love you.”

His arm tightened around you tugging you closer until there wasn’t an ounce of space between you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and placed his hand on your knee.

“I love you too, pup.”

You squirmed slightly in his hold. “I hate when you call me pup.”

“How come? I like it so much. You are my little pup.” He chuckled before sobering up. “You’re my mate, you know? My everything.”

You tilted your head up and he was already there staring at you with his eyes all big and warm and brown. It’s too much and he knows it, but you’ve always been helpless to stop him.

“Fine. Pup it is then.”

You turned to look back into the fire, the smoke and the heat swaddling you like a perfect cocoon. Shawn’s arms never left you.

“Hey. I--I have something for you.”

You pulled the blanket a little tighter around your shoulders and looked on as he stuffed his hand in his pocket.

“Shawn, I really think you’ve given me more than enough today. Seriously, today’s been perfect.” You assured him.

His oversized hand settled onto your knee, fingers curled loosely in a fist as he smiled.

“I know. Today has been perfect. But, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t make it a little better, right?”

“And just how could you possibly make this day any better?”

He unfurled his hand and stared down at your knee.

“What are you--”

You may have gasped and jumped back from him a bit. It probably wasn’t exactly the response he was looking for, but how else is one meant to respond to such a thing?

“It’s my mom’s.” He breathed softly holding the ring closer to you so that the light of the fire would make the diamonds light up. “My dad gave it to her. She uh she wanted me to have it once she found out we were mates. She wanted you to have it. I wanted you to have it.”

You bit your lip and sniffled as your eyes began to dampen.

“Is it...What’s it for?”

He smiled up you, his own eyes wet as well.

“Well it’s for you. If you want. And I--I would be for you, forever, if you want.” He mumbled before chuckling nervously. “We’d be married, basically. I’m asking you to marry me. I’m just doing a shitty job of it.”

“Yes.”

His eyes widened and he turned to you.

“Yea?”

“Yea! Are you kidding me? YES!”

You leapt into his arms and he caught you just as you were pressing your lips to his. You could taste the salt of tears and you couldn’t tell if they were yours or his, you just knew that it was the happiest you’d ever felt in your whole life. The people around you, having caught on to the tiny proposal, clapped and cheered, but even that was hard to recognize when the greatest person you’d ever known asked you to be his forever and ever. In the realm of mates, it meant so little, but in the realm of human beings it meant a lot. It was another example of Shawn meeting you where you were at, of making life as easy as humanly possible for you. It was more than you could ever ask for.

“I love you.” He mumbled still pressing his lips over and over again to your cheeks. “Can I take you home now?”

“Yes. Let’s go home.” You smiled.

And just like that you walked hand in hand towards the car, bonfire long forgotten. He only let go of your hand for the time that it took him to walk to his side of the car and get in. But then your fingers quickly intertwined again, the smooth metal of the ring touching his skin. You held hands the whole way home, the night caressing you on all sides except for the brightness of the moon. You had never felt more at home, more safe, more loved.

The end.

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wisdomrays · 3 years

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TAFAKKUR: Part 237

WILL AND BALANCE IN NOURISHMENT

Once, Shaykh ‘Abdul-Qadir al-Jilani, one of the greatest poles of spirituality, may God sanctify his holiness, had a pupil who was the only child of an old, anxious woman. That respected woman went to visit her son only to find him eating a piece of dry, black bread. His physical weakness that was a result of this asceticism aroused his mother’s compassion. Pitying his condition, the woman went to al-Jilani to complain, and saw that the respected Shaykh was eating fried chicken. She said to him, “O master! My son is nearly dying of hunger, but you are eating chicken!” Whereupon, the renowned Spiritual Pole said to the chicken, “Rise up, by God’s leave!” Many truthful, trustworthy, and reliable people narrated that the bones of the chicken brought themselves together and jumped off the dish as a live chicken. The holy Spiritual Pole responded to the woman, “When your son reaches this level, then he too can eat chicken!”

With this act, the holy Pole meant, “Whenever your son’s spirit prevails over his body, and his heart over his carnal soul, and his intellect over his stomach, and he demands pleasure for the sake of thankfulness, then he can eat delicious things.”

I too witnessed a similar incident thirty years ago. With a large group of friends from university I was invited to visit a well-known scholar for whom I had a deep respect. We had the opportunity to attend a dinner with him and among the food served were some delicious cherries. My inner voice said, “If I sit near him, I will not be comfortable enough to eat as many of those cherries as I like.” This was exactly what happened. While I was thinking about how to get a chance to eat more of the cherries, that respected person took one of the cherries, excused himself, and left the table. I still cannot forget how ashamed I was of my thoughts at that time.

As a result of the story of Abdul-Qadir Jilani and my own experience, I started to ponder the activities that function so well in the human body. In medicine, the dynamic balance that entirely governs the body during eating, drinking and digestion is known as homeostasis. The most crucial body fluid in this balance is the blood. All the agents in the blood have a fixed quantity, a fixed measure and are supplied at a constant rate. Blood pressure is stabilized according to the characteristics of each vein. For instance, the average blood pressure of large arteries is about 100 mmHg. If the pressure exceeds this figure, then the result is hypertension. Hypertension can lead to cerebral hemorrhages, paralysis, renal failure, cardiac expansion, cardiac failure and heart attacks, all of which can result in death. As for hypotension, this is when the flow of the blood to the organs, mainly the brain, lessens. Another example of the importance of maintaining balance is that the agents which are responsible for maintaining the concentration of sugar in the blood (glycemia) must be kept at a suitable balance. If the ratio of the blood sugar (glycemia) rises, the person may go into a sugar coma, which is life threatening. However, if the ratio of blood sugar drops, the organs, in particular the brain, are deprived of energy. A hypoglycemia coma (when blood sugar is too low) is even more dangerous for the brain than hyperglycemia (when blood sugar is too high). The concentration of sodium, potassium, chlorine, calcium and fatty acids present in the blood, like sugar, are kept in a dynamic balance. If this concentration is upset, the result may be disease or even death. The Owner of Absolute Will and Infinite Mercy keeps all these in balance thanks to the marvelous mechanisms that He has placed in our bodies. However, we are free as far as actions like eating and drinking are concerned, for we are granted the willpower to choose our actions.

BALANCE IN NOURISHMENT

One of the most often discussed medical subjects in recent years is obesity. This is an important health problem that poses a threat to life, and it is related to diabetes, hardening of the arteries (arteriosclerosis), fatty liver, cirrhosis, cardiac failure and heart failure. Apart from using one’s own will power and eating less, doctors have presented other harmless ways that are appropriate to human nature to treat obesity. Being overweight constrains the ability of a person to move (exercise) and this inactivity, in turn, leads to more and more weight gain. God has enabled us to seek nourishment wherever we like, within certain parameters. Naturally, our stomach has a certain capacity and when this capacity is met, we feel full and do not need to eat any more. Yet, even though we feel full and should not eat, as this is what is necessary for the health of our body, we are overcome by our lower self and tend to overeat extravagantly. The problem of obesity seems to be greater in developed countries.

Our Creator has not put any restrictions on the absorption of food into the blood. All the food we eat is taken into the intestines so that the nutrients can pass into the bloodstream. If the dynamic balance (homeostasis) were to be maintained here as well then the body would take as much as it needed and the surplus of food would be evacuated from the body without going into the blood; as a result, obesity would not be a concern, however much a person might eat. But by allowing all the food we eat to pass into the bloodstream, the Absolute Ruler has set a test for us, challenging our wills and warning us about self-control.

Most of the activity during digestion and absorption takes place in the small intestine. Our small intestine is a duct which consists of three parts, namely the duodenum, jejunum and ileum, each having different functions and structures. The length of the intestine is 3–4 meters, and it measures 2–4 centimeters in diameter, varying according to the position in the body. The area of the inner surface of this cylindrical structure is 1,600 cm2 (0.16m2) at its maximum. The inner perimeter of the intestine is not like a flat tube, but rather it has folds, each measuring about 8 millimeters, that stretch over the inner parts of the canal. These folds allow the absorption surface to be increased about threefold. If the inner surface of this structure were flat, the absorption capacity of the small intestine would not be more than 1/600 of its present capacity. The surface of these folds is also not flat, but covered with protrusions called villi that are shaped like a finger; these stretch into the vacuum of the canal by about 1 millimeter. There are between 20 and 40 villi to every square centimeter on the surface of the intestine. These villi allow for there to be a tenfold increase in surface absorption. The surface of the villi has cylindrical cells that are arranged in a single row and these help in absorption. The surface of these cells has extensions that are quite thin and dense, known as microvilli, or epithelial cells. Thanks to these cells with a brush border surface, the absorption surface can increase by about twenty times. Thus, although the surface area of a flat canal of the same size should be approximately 3,300 cm2, thanks to surface folds, villi and bushy edges, the total absorption surface of the small intestine increases to 2 million cm2 (200 m2). Moreover, some research has suggested that the total increase could be even greater (about 1,000 times as much). Normally, 100 grams of fat, 50–100 grams of amino acid, 50–100 grams of iodine, and 7–8 liters of water (consisting mostly of fluids produced within the body) are absorbed by the intestines daily. Furthermore, if one eats or drinks too much, the maximum capacity of the system allows the absorption of several kilograms of carbohydrates, a half to one kilogram of fat, a half to one kilogram of protein and twenty liters of water per day. Our intestines have been created with the capacity to transfer all this food into the bloodstream. If we do not control our eating, this capacity is abused and we can face conditions like obesity.

In this life, one of whose tests is in our body, and in which we are required to strive hard using our willpower, there is no limit to the absorption of foods that have high calories (lipid, carbohydrate, and protein), and this can lead to being overweight, as mentioned above. However, in the absorption of minerals, which are not normally considered as making up the basic components of nourishment, but which are of the utmost importance for the human body (in all the operations of the nerves, muscles, bones and in the balance of all the electrolytes), the rules of dynamic balance occur in our intestines, regardless of our will, by the help and mercy of God. For instance, hemoglobin, which is found in the red blood cells (giving the blood its red color) and is charged with the task of transporting oxygen, contains iron. When there is surplus iron in the body, hemosiderosis occurs, which leads to the destruction of organs such as the liver and the pancreas, or cardiac failure. If there is an iron deficiency, then a person suffers from anemia. It is for this reason that a quite sensitive iron-absorption balance exists in our intestines. Here, it is evident without question that there is Divine Aid and Mercy. The same mechanism works for substances like calcium.

Prophet Muhammad’s, peace be upon him, advice to stop eating before feeling full is a significant measure against obesity, for it eliminates “false” appetite. This has a psychological truth, for the brain responds to the feel of fullness a short time after eating. In fact, we all know by experience that we actually feel full a short while (fifteen–twenty minutes) after we stop eating even if it is a small meal.

To conclude, the Almighty One warns us against extravagance and orders us to use our willpower. At this point, we can see how important a role the blessing of religious belief and the training of the soul and the will play in eating habits. Likewise, the principles of Islam, which is in perfect keeping with human nature, are crucial for the well-being of the community as a whole; charitable alms and fasting, which urge us to help and think about those with less, are obligatory and all kinds of charity and good deeds are encouraged. In Islam extravagance is prevented, not only in eating and drinking.

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docfuture · 4 years

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Princess, part 10

[This story is a prequel, set several years before The Fall of Doc Future, when Flicker is 16. Links to some of my other work are here. Updates were theoretically biweekly–more realistically, I’m going to try to get the next one out by early July.]

Previous: Part 9

Flicker was going to lose pieces of self. She could put memory summaries in the Database, but that wasn't enough. She could only permanently store her emotional context in her squishy human brain, which was offline. This constricted connections between memory, place, and time. Her older memories should be intact. When the isotope exchanges were complete and she could finally restart everything and heal, everything should still be there. But that didn't help now; anything old that she didn't already have loaded into her speed mind was inaccessible, and any new context would be ephemeral--gone after her next proper sleep. And that 'should'... wasn't a would. Itchy spots in her speed mind hinted at losses on the boundary, reflexes and habits needed for her squishy and speed halves to work together that she might have to relearn. Her speech synchronization problems might return, or her chronic self-interrupting. Old sensory issues might come back, too. Those losses might extend to memory access. Which was a little scary. Moments perfectly preserved in a box did her no good if she forgot where she put the box. Perhaps because the original link to the first box was now in a junk box labeled 'Misc' on a shelf somewhere. But that was life when she wasn't technically alive, with a heart that couldn't beat, lungs that couldn't breathe, and a whole reconstituted flesh body locked down in suspended chemical animation while the isotope exchanger worked. Force fields helped protect everything else from her still-considerable radioactivity. She probably wouldn't remember exactly how the half-pain, half-itching from her speed body felt, or how her claustrophobia was combining with sensory deprivation to make everything more unpleasant. The best she could do was to take notes for the Database, which she could finally talk to again. Slowly. Doc had rigged up inductors to transmit visual signals that her speed mind could sense. They could give her low res video if she slowed down to near human speed, but for anything faster she was limited to text. She was already used to virtual typing, and there were more inductors to pick that up. The biggest problem was lag--if she typed too fast, she had to wait and watch characters slowly appear to catch typos. She was watching slowly updating video stills of Doc as a background while they talked by text. It was way better than nothing. "... too many versions of the 'alien invasion' story out," sent Doc. "It wasn't worth trying to correct them. The Volunteer kept his press brief honest but short and vague--he mentioned non-hostile non-humans who were injured but would recover, he just didn't say they were whales--and then flew off before anyone could ask him any more questions." "Okay," sent Flicker. "Can we go back a bit? No immediate crisis is good. But I'm still missing a lot. It's making my mind itch. More. It's itching for other reasons, too, but this you can help fix." "No problem. What first?" "What was the bit with Breakpoint? He wasn't trying to warn you or me?" "No. I got a notification just as you started your final run. The warning was for Journeyman, he listened, and the danger passed." "More details, please? Did you forward the warning?" "I didn't need to; Journeyman was standing beside him. That was one of the precautions I arranged before you left, and they were quite willing to help. Journeyman had his own detection setup coordinated with the Database, and they had the attack triangulated in a fraction of a second. And then Breakpoint got the danger sense spike, just before Journeyman wanted to port, which delayed them for a second." "A trap?" "Possibly. But I think a potential time loop was more likely." "Caused by what?" "I don't know." "Surely you have a theory?" "Lots. Theories are easy, distinguishing them is harder," sent Doc. "Too many parameters we don't know. But your trap did confirm the attack was based on some kind of foreknowledge--the timing was far too precise for any other explanation to make sense. Perhaps Journeyman and Breakpoint would have caught the attacker, triggering a loop. Or killed it, with the same result. Or they did get caught in a loop and broke out." "How would that even work?" "Several possible ways. Time loop theories are hard to falsify. But after it was safe, they ported in and swept the arrival location for clues. The attacker apparently came from and returned to the Topaz Realm, a common intermediate stop for interdimensional travelers who wish to evade pursuit or tracking. The two of them declined to pursue further, and returned unhurt, though rather drained from the double port. Journeyman went to ground quote 'somewhere safe' unquote, and Breakpoint is with Jumping Spider. I'm sure we'll get additional details later, but the attacker was almost certainly an extradimensional being who portaled in specifically to try to assassinate you, with implications of harm to the entire planet." "And got away. Whee." "An overt repeat attempt seems unlikely. This was a clear worldwide threat, in a way Hermes was not, and now there is a specific event to track from. The compatible world probability background has shifted by quite a bit. There are a wide variety of entities with extraordinary perceptions and abilities that are now aware of the attacker and united in the desire for Earth to keep existing, if little else. The Database has been getting messages from all over the world. Hideki told me he already had to gently dissuade a group of young Japanese superhumans from charging off on an interdimensional mission of vengeance. They vividly recall your help during the quake, and feel inclined to track down whoever tried to kill you given the slightest opportunity. I was also asked to convey their wishes for your speedy recovery." "That's..." Some emotional thing. But Flicker didn't have a working human brain to feel it, and her emulator wasn't up to the task. "...nice." She sent a note to the Database to relay a socially safe thank you. Her mind still itched. "Okay," she sent. "Thanks for the summary. Now... I have a problem. Your UI works--I can talk to you and the Database. And if the exchanger were going to be done in a couple of hours, that would be enough. But it's going to take longer. I can tolerate the physical part--but I'm not so sure about the psychological. Sensory dep, and I have to keep shifting what I'm doing to maintain concentration. I've been recording the more organized parts of my raw impressions and alerts into the Database. But it's as tedious as hand-typing an endless stream of hex codes. That's making my attention wander. I've lost my spot a couple of times already and had to pattern match to find it again. I hate to complain, but is there anything better you can manage?" A pause, and the background picture updated to show Doc with his hands clasped in front of his face, looking somber. Then he started typing again. "I've been fabbing something that may help. I'll let you know when it's ready." The rhythm of the isotope exchanger changed slightly, the ion beams stopped, and the discomfort eased a little. A message from the Database appeared: "First pass complete, left leg." "Well," sent Doc. "Ready to start lowering the tritium load in the bone marrow of your other leg?" "Yes. But it doesn't really matter," she sent back. "It's the next thing. We need to get as much as we can done while I keep my chemistry clamped down or I don't get a livable body back." "Yes. We may be able to speed up later. But at least it's working." "Yeah..." ***** Tedious hours passed. Then there was a pause and shift, while radiation-hardened robots installed a new set of inductors for her head, along with an elaborate set of shielding, wiring and cooling pipes. Flicker took an all too brief run around Doc's test range. Even though she was still blind and deaf, the flow of air and the sudden bright crispness of her mass sense made it a welcome break. But she made a little of that air radioactive--she was still giving off too many neutrons--so it would have been indulgence to stay outside the force fields for more than a millisecond or two. Then tests and adjustments. Fiddly and annoying, but Doc was determined not to set off an immune reaction from Flicker's high speed nervous system, and DASI concurred with the need for caution. Another shift... And a world turned on. A better interface, through a virtual body representation. Audio, distorted but functional. Video. And faster text and data when Flicker sped up. The grinding background of confinement, restlessness and inability to fully relax was still there. As was the discomfort from the isotope exchanger. But her sensory deprivation was greatly reduced. It worked. There was one rather jarring issue. "I feel this sense of cosmic dread," she said. "Like I'm on the edge of a precipice to dimensions I can't even see, and might at any moment slip and lose my connection to sanity, or drag anything and everything I care about into the abyss." "Good," said Doc. "Sounds like your alarm systems are appropriately compatible." The wide video window showing his image floated in front of her. The darkness around the edges was still flecked with the writhing static of closed-eye hallucinations, but they were less intrusive. "Good? It's not exactly--" She blinked and suddenly everything was gone, then the old interface returned--text and a fixed picture. And the static everywhere else. She sped up. "DASI?" she sent. "What happened?" "You blinked for too long, and the interface interpreted it as a user shutdown request. I can adjust that, but the safety shutdown thresholds are necessarily quite stringent. One moment." Another blink and Doc was back, eyebrow raised. Half a second had passed. "--fun," she finished. "Fun was not a design goal," said Doc. "This is a high performance multi-sense cybernetic interface. It's not remotely safe. The basic sensory relays I started you with were already as high-bandwidth as I could manage safely. But they weren't enough. I don't know how to make a full cybernetic interface that's comfortable but not psychologically addictive. I keep the controller in the vaults for a reason. I fabbed spare inductors. They'll probably break frequently. And shut down for other reasons. Don't get attached to the interface. I wouldn't even consider using it if your biological brain was functional. I put together a list of other ways it's dangerous. It's just not as dangerous as risking sensory deprivation for what might be days." "Okay. But if you think the alarm system for my high speed mind is compatible with a cybernetic interface... Don't I already have one?" Doc looked down, then back up. "Possibly. But you'll want to be careful how you conceptualize that. Because right now, if your body has a cybernetic interface, you might be that interface. So it's not a good time to shift your self image." "Yeah, yeah, because my flesh body is dead," said Flicker. "I get it. My internal conceptualization has been pretty consistent. Messed up, but consistent. It's like a meat demon with a little metal bug on the forehead. High speed mind is the bug. And only the demon is dead. The bug is mostly worried about staying sane and connected. And I've got the connected part now, but sane requires something to do. I can't move while the exchanger is working, can't put things in long-term memory, and my emotion emulation is bad, so my options are limited." Doc put a hand on his chin and looked back at her image in the video window. "Could definitely be worse. You'll want to test the interface at speed. DASI will keep monitoring. Perhaps we can tune down the doom response a bit. And Armadillo will be here in a little while. She's rather better at cheering people up than I am. I'm sure she'll be happy to talk about whatever you want." "Might help a little. But I'm not sure talking will be enough. Sec." Flicker sped up. The interface speed lagged noticeably and the temperature of the inductors rose. The temperature in her brain would have gone up too, if she hadn't already been entropy dumping to get rid of the heat from radioactive decay and the isotope exchanger. She skimmed the hazard list. Doc hadn't been exaggerating. And the full interface would not be able to keep up with her mind if she sped up all the way. The problem was cooling, which was the usual problem that stopped Doc after he'd solved everything else. So. Use restraint. Don't push it all the way to the limit, and it would break less frequently. She adjusted some preferences with DASI's help, so the interface would gradually degrade to monochrome text and virtual typing input at higher speeds. That would give her fast responsiveness as well as the increased sensory feedback she needed when she slowed back down. A few tests verified it worked. At DASI's suggestion, she tried taking notes at speed with the better interface as a direct substitute for long term memory. A slower and more structured version of the memory dumps she did before sleeping when her memory was overleveraged and she couldn't stuff everything into squishy brain in time. With the memory dumps, she could put keys into her squishy brain to connect by reference--but not with everything locked down. More tests. The notes were accurate on rereading, though seemed kind of passive-aggressively gloomy. Upon reflection, she decided that was accurate as well. What to do? The data from Speedtest was recorded. Talking was... talk. Little point in reading or trying to learn. Introspection could become a problem fast--her mood was already pretty dark. But she couldn't get renewal from physical rest, so she was going to slowly go squirrelly from lack of sleep and contact with squishy brain. And she already felt the kind of frustrated dissatisfaction that she usually handled by going on patrol. Then she might still end up frustrated, but at least she'd saved lives. Now she couldn't even do that. She wasn't helpless. She still had a net connection, her database node, and assorted bots, both physical and virtual. But what was safe to try? She slowed back down. "Interface works," she said. "But the doom abyss is getting old real fast." Doc was studying his own display intently. He tapped out something on his keyboard then looked up. "How's that?" The tension eased somewhat. "Better," she said. "Less cosmic dread, more dangerous machinery in operation alert. I can live with that. But I could really use something to do." He shook his head ruefully. "I understand. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing. But you have a very good chance of surviving your bit of existential roulette if you can manage to keep yourself together and stationary long enough for the exchanger to do its work." She frowned. "Is that what you call the kind of trap I set? I thought you said we're safe now." "No, I said further direct attacks were unlikely. Whether that's because they wouldn't succeed or aren't necessary is still open. We can't be reasonably certain until the next time you sleep, then wake up functional and something approximating sane." "That's disturbing." "Yes. But what's done is done." "So you don't think trying it was a good idea?" "I'm reserving judgement. And if you were going to try, the Moon was a better place than Earth. You minimized direct collateral damage. However..." A crooked grin. "Now probably isn't the best time for critical analysis. Survival and data recording were the right priorities once you made it back. We can hash out details later." "Yeah, but it does give me something to focus on, which I need. I think that finally getting to go fast was so wonderful, so freeing, that I got overconfident." Doc studied her image for a moment. "Based on my preliminary analysis of the Database summaries, I think you may be underestimating another effect. I can explain, if you think it will help." "Well, yeah." "When you left the earth's atmosphere, you were hit with mental changes and a flood of alarms and activations on top of your acrophobia. Which you coped with very well. I think your caution, careful safety compartmentalization, and lockdown checking were absolutely correct and optimal reactions. Having a previously unknown part of your mind wake up and suggest you mess with Planck's constant locally? That would have terrified me. But you handled it." Doc waved a hand. "That was a way more drastic reaction than I expected, and means I need to rework a lot of my theories. Anyway, you took care of everything, and landed safely. You jumped to the Moon. Your landing message sounded like you were euphoric." "I was." "And your fear went away. You had mass again, the alarms stopped, and you were finally getting to run Speedtest. Of course you were feeling great. And I made a mistake. Before you started your final run, I suggested you go as fast as you felt safe. I didn't include a stronger warning because I didn't want to interfere with your joy. But I knew. I know that feeling, it's Now I Am Invincible, it's incredibly dangerous for a superhero, and I knew the way you usually keep it in check is your care for all the people and other living things on Earth, and there was nothing living on the Moon except you." He looked down. "I should have warned you. I didn't. I'm sorry." "Doc, no," said Flicker. "I'd have done it anyway. Nobody died. I got the data. And whoever or whatever that was, we needed to know about them, and now we do. I'm going to keep going." She bared her teeth. "Even when I can't move for a while." Doc kept looking down for a moment, then wiped his eyes and looked back up. "Yeah. On that note, it's time to move the exchanger focus again, and Armadillo is here. Shall I invite her in?" "Sure. And thank you for--" She waved the hand of her virtual body. "This, and the list of reasons why it's dangerous. Both. They both help." The crooked smile was back. "I do what I can manage."

Next: Part 11

#FallofDocFuture #FallMisc

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lemonjoonah · 5 years

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Artificially Inclined - Pt 3

Title: Artificially Inclined (A.I.) Word Count: 6K Rating: M Genre: Android AU, Assassin AU, Scifi, Romance (smut), Drama, Thriller Warnings: Violence, Disability Discrimination, Drug Use, Sexual Reference Pairings: Maknae Line x Reader (Primarily Jungkook x Reader) Pairings (in this chapter): Jungkook x Reader, Taehyung x Reader

Summary: You took Jungkook on as a project, something to help you pass the time in your exile. How could you have known that he would become such a big part of your life? That he would see you as his entire reason for existence, and the only method for his survival. When an outsider, V, is forced into your life, after learning of the secret that keeps you hidden away, relationships shift and tension grows high. After all, how can you expect Jungkook to share your attention when he’s held it for so long?

A/N: Just a forewarning there is going to be a major tone shift two thirds of the way through this chapter. It’s a POV switch, which is written in true first person (as opposed to the modified version I sometimes write in). I considered splitting it off into another chapter but in order for you to get the full view of what’s happening I decided to keep it all together. Enjoy!

Chapter 3 - Execution Flaw

Present 9:40 am December 4th, 2054

POV (Y/N)

“I would like you to ask me Noona. If it happens again, I want to help you.”

You find yourself repeating, ‘he doesn’t know what he’s asking,’ over and over in your mind until you find a way to resolve his request. ...Jungkook what do you feel towards me? When you see me what is your first reaction?...

“I want to assist you.”

...Would you ever deny me a request?...

“Of course not Noona.”

...Then I’m sorry but I can’t ask you to help me. I know you say that you want to, but you do not yet possess the components that equate to consent in this matter... The explanation you give is formal but it’s the best you have.

“And what are those components?” Jungkook’s eagerness weighs on you, it’s as if he expects to receive a simple answer that will clarify everything.

...There are a few but I suppose the basics would consist of love, desire, and the ability to refute...

“The update that Hyung gave you, will that not solve these issues?”

...I’m not sure Jungkook, I need to look at the coding first. I don’t want to walk into this blindly...

“May I look at it?”

...I think it’s best if I hold onto it for now...

“It would be more efficient for me to examine the software.”

...Jungkook, it would make me happy if you dropped the subject... You cringe internally as you write those words but you find yourself unsure of how else to get him to change the conversation. You don’t want to even risk him even seeing the coding in case he begins the update unintentionally after viewing the programming. He has a habit of latching on to so much information and then integrating it into his system. If he feels like something will improve his capabilities he will seek to upload it.

Jungkook goes silent, but watches your expression closely as you head towards the dining room for breakfast. Your plate is set at your seat stuffed to the edge with your favourites, while the rest of the table remains bare. Jungkook takes the seat next to you as your mind continues to dwell on his proposal.

“You’re not happy.”

You look back to Jungkook, confused by his statement.

...What do you mean?...

“You said that if I dropped the subject you would be happy.”

...Sorry, I was just thinking about tonight... Such a bold face lie, you scold yourself while taking a bite of an apple. Not wanting to meet his eyes you look to the toast rack next for a slice of whole wheat but today you find it empty.

“Would you like to discuss the schedule for the day?”

...Yes please anything to distract me...

“Your brother should arrive home in just over an hour. Followed by your meeting with him regarding your dissertation. Your parents will get in just before the party which will start at 8pm and then fly out again at 11pm. It appears they have also just sent you and Seokjin a joint email wishing you a Happy Birthday.”

Jungkook abruptly stops the rundown while his head tilts in the direction of the kitchen. This behaviour is nothing new, with his improved hearing he can often listen in on things that might be impossible for you to pick up.

He stands up from his seat and moves in the direction he was staring off into. “I’ll return shortly Noona.”

When he opens the door to the kitchen you can briefly hear the ruckus inside, before the door slams shut behind him again.

Jungkook returns a minutes later with an appliance in tow.

...Jungkook why do you have a toaster?...

He looks down at the small device he’s cradling in hands. “I can fix it Noona.”

After giving you the vague answer, he sits back down and looks ominously at the door, until your head chef bursts forth to address you.

“Keep that mechanical pet of yours out of my kitchen!”

...Jungkook is allowed to go wherever he wishes. If he enters your kitchen there is obviously a reason for him to be there...

“He stole the toaster!”

...Jungkook why did you take it?...

“She was yelling at it and hitting it, I wanted her to stop. I can repair it.”

...If Jungkook wishes to fix the toaster I see no problem here...

“Fine he can keep the damn thing, I’ll just get a new one that actually works.”

As the cook returns to the kitchen you shake your head. You wish that occurrences like this were rare but unfortunately Jungkook has a habit of rubbing some people the wrong way. It’s not his fault, he’s just trying to help them. Why can’t they see that?

“She was going to throw it out Noona.” There is such distress in his voice that your frustration crumbles. You know that he worries that he will be treated the same one day. He only wants to show people the value of technology... even if it is a simple toaster.

...I know Jungkook...

“Why do humans dispose of things so quickly?”

...Because they don’t understand. They feel that it’s not worth their time fix something that’s broken...

“Why are you different Noona?”

...Because to them I am broken too... You identify far more with the appliance in Jungkook’s hands than the women who was trying to dispose of it.

“You are not broken Noona. You are living within the parameters of how you were made. You cannot give fault to the device, only the creator.”

...Thank you Jungkook...

...

After breakfast you begin prepping for your discussion with Seokjin, while also taking a glancing through his correspondence from the past year.

Dec. 7th, 2053

...I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that I left you there. I just couldn’t stay, I couldn’t stand the thought of being in the house where we were lied to our whole lives for even a moment longer. I was selfish, I hadn’t considered what you might be feeling. Please let me know that you’re okay. I won’t be coming home for a while but I just need you to know that you are still my sister, my very brilliant sister.

- Seokjin...

...

Dec. 31st, 2053

...Sorry I haven’t been able to visit. I’ll see if I can get some time off for the Lunar Holiday. I’m glad to hear that you are doing well. I have some fantastic news to share. The first of the new defence model units are coming off the production line. I am taking a couple semesters off from grad school to be involved with their development but they should be ready to go within a year! They never would have made it this far without out your insight, I just thought you, my brilliant sister, should know the incredible work you’ve done.

-Seokjin...

...

Feb. 8th, 2054

...Happy Lunar New Year! And again I must send my apologies. They’ve been keeping me busy here. One day I’ll bring you to the international factory to show you what you helped create. I know that I haven’t been home to discuss your work, trust me when I say that I miss those times too, but you can always send anything you wish to discuss to my dropbox. You may have to explain it to me though because there is no way I could ever live up to your brilliance.

-Seokjin...

...

June 23rd, 2054 (Message has been decrypted by JK0901)

...I’m sure you’ve guessed by now the reasons for the lack of communication, especially with it being all over the news. But I figured you would want me to confirm. There has been some push back with our new units from two extremist groups. The first is a religious organization called S(e)oul First, I would almost enjoy their cleaver name were it not for their antics. They claim that we are playing god, and taking innocent lives with our soulless creations, so their recourse has been to attack out our factories. We have managed to secure our production lines in classified locations but contact in and out must be limited and heavily encrypted, for fear of discovery.

The second group, known as Asimov's Law, has been trying to push that we bind all androids to rules set in popular fiction. I mean really, can you believe that? They have been relatively quiet recently, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before they make their strike too. So please, I am begging you, stay by JK0901, and stay safe. I’ll contact you when I can.

-Seokjin...

...

Nov. 25th, 2054 (Message has been decrypted by JK0901)

...Thank you for all of your messages and updates. I can finally make a short trip back home for our birthday next week, although I suppose there will be some business mixed in too. I guess that party that our parents are throwing will also be the official public announcement of the military line, there will be several government officials in attendance. So much for our celebration right?

But with this trip I’ll finally be able to discuss your progress with you in person. I must say I was surprised to see the direction you are taking your work. My flight gets in just after 10am so I’ll probably make it home around 11 shall we take some time then to discuss your findings then?

-Seokjin...

...

The second that Seokjin steps in the door he wraps you in a tight hug. You can hardly contain your excitement so see your brother again after so long.

“I guess you missed me too?” He laughs as he pulls you away slowly. “After what I did I don’t deserve such kindness.”

You shake your head to convey that all is forgotten.

“Come on I know you’re anxious to show me what you’ve been up to.”

With your annual report due to the research team in a matter of days you are looking for some initial feedback. The subject matter is so unusual that the lens through which it is presented becomes essential to its reception.

As Seokjin looks over your final paper you watch his expression closely. His brow furrows several times as if in confusion.

...What’s wrong?...

“It’s good I’m just a little perplexed as to how it will benefit the direction in which the company is currently going. You’re discussing possible advancements to affective computing but we already have a good baseline for emotional recognition. It’s expensive research to conduct and I worry that we would see little return if we continued to invest in that area.”

...It could be improved. I spend most of my time with Jungkook and he still struggles to determine some emotional expressions. But this isn’t just about androids seeing and understanding emotions but possibly even feeling them...

“What benefit would that give to the military defense units?”

...You said it yourself that people are having difficulty accepting them. This might help bridge the gap...

“We are not going to cater to extremists, they will never be happy.”

...Then at least for household droids. If I can work with Jungkook to the point where he is able to develop his own emotions. We could apply that to assistant units and such, it could make their productivity increase if they can apply emotional intelligence...

“I was worried about this....” It’s with a sigh that Seokjin continues, “We are not trying to make them human (Y/N).”

You feel a sense of embarrassment as he simplifies your work so bluntly. You can only assume he wants you to see the error of your ways, but why? Why is it so wrong to want this for them? Jungkook makes you feel more human than anyone else, yet you can’t give him the same experience.

...No but I would like them to understand. They should understand what they are fighting, and what they are protecting...

...

“I’m sorry Noona.”

...For what?...

“I’m sorry that Master wasn’t impressed by our work.”

...He just doesn’t find value in it yet. I’m sure once we are successful he will...

Jungkook is currently helping you with your dress for tonight. You didn’t realize when you ordered it that the back consisted of intricate laces that the wearer would need assistance with. But of course Jungkook was more than willing to aid you. You watch him in his progress through the mirror in front of you. He himself had already changed into the same black suit that all of the security units would be wearing.

As his fingers threaded the ribbon through the notches in the fabric they would occasionally brush the skin of your back. After each loop he tugs on the lace cinching it together. This causes you to lose balance several times during the process but he stops to brace you when it does.

...Did you manage to fix the toaster while I was with Seokjin?...

He beams back at you through the mirror, “Yes I did.”

...What was wrong with it?...

“User error. She did not maintain the appliance, she is not like you.” He yanks on the strings of the gown one last time pulling you into him. Jungkook’s face now right beside yours, you watch through the looking glass as he looks at you intently, whispering into your ear, “You take such good care of me Noona.” His fingers trail along the boning of the dress, pressing down and smoothing out the fabric on your skin as they move along. “How does that fit?”

Reluctantly taking your eyes off him, you test the bodice with a tug. ...I think it could be a little tighter...

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

...You won’t, I won’t be wearing it for long. I am just worried about it falling...

“Formal attire seems so unnecessarily complex.”

...Yes, yes it is. It’s amazing what we’ll do to look pretty...

“You are already pretty Noona.” You inhale sharply as he tightens the gown further. “Based on the standards of society you are considered attractive.”

Your hand hovers over the tablet as you ponder if you should press him further. ...What about your standards?...

“I don’t have standards of beauty, but I suppose it could be considered my drive to observe you. If that’s the case I consider you very beautiful.” His hand comes to find your wrist. “Are you sure it doesn’t hurt, your heart is racing again.”

You nod to him, flush with embarrassment.

...

The party is contained to a separate building on the property used for entertaining guests. On one side there is a large elaborate ballroom and on the other there is a corridor filled with smaller rooms, including your refuge in the form of a piano parlor. An evening such as this often becomes a test on how short you can make your appearance without it seeming odd or rude.

Without your tablet in hand you feel empty and anxious. Clinging to Jungkook's arm as if he is a crutch. You have done this so many times before but each spectacle makes you nervous wondering if this will be the time someone figures out your secret before you can leave. As you enter you nod to the several people who recognize you. You find yourself fortunate for your brother, all of the guests have their sights set on him for discussion not just because of his position, but due to his affable nature. Jungkook quickly ushers you to the corner occupied by Namjoon.

One of the temporary wait staff hired for the evening approaches to offer you a glass of champagne. Jungkook turns them away for you to avoid any issue. Namjoon eyes the waiter as he leaves, waiting until the staff is fully out of sight before addressing you.

“You look stunning.”

You cock your head and glower at him. Namjoon says this every year.

“What? I’m still not allowed to say that?.”

“Not to my sister.” Seokjin steps up to your side.

“Seokjin.”

“Namjoon.”

You look between the two men letting out a huff at their cold acknowledgment of each other. Namjoon and Seokjin have never quite seen eye to eye. Namjoon hates him for labeling your work as his, while Seokjin loathes him for not paying the respect his title demands.

Seokjin leans into you while taking a sip of champagne. “They've really outdone themselves this time haven’t they. Our parents thought it would be smart to invite all of my old school mates to make it seem like an actual party, not a publicity event. Pathetic isn’t it? I haven’t seen half of these people for more than 10 years.”

You nod noting that the room looks more full than usual. You scan the ballroom taking a pause for a moment as you see a familiar face in the crowd. It couldn’t be, is it really him?

Seokjin takes note of your distraction following your gaze. “Is that V? That’s a surprise. Do you remember him too? I heard there was an accident, and lost a good portion of his memory. I’m shocked to see him here, rumors are that he likes to keep to himself now.”

You lock eyes with the guest from your past, for a brief moment you consider that maybe, just maybe he remembers you too. But he turns his head away quickly and without acknowledgment, dashing any hope for you to reunite.

“I have to give the announcement soon. You should be good to leave after that.” Seokjin turns to Jungkook, “JK0901, I’ll leave her to you. I can at least trust that you won’t run off with some frivolous tart while on guard duty.” He smirks at Namjoon after issuing the order, with the obvious attention of giving offense.

“Someone sounds jealous. I could give you a few pointers on how to attract people, but that would require you to be a decent human being.” You elbow Namjoon in the ribs for his comment, but he continues to sneer at Seokjin. “Go ahead, run along now, go take credit for work that isn’t yours.”

As Seokjin leaves you glare at Namjoon, but he only scoffs at your expression. “You know it’s considered rude to give your tutor such a look... you’re lucky I find it amusing.”

...

A herd of people begin to congregate closer to the stage for Seokjin’s speech. You find a couple of them looking to your direction, they seem curious of you but intimidated by Jungkook's presence.

“My sister and I would like to thank you for coming this evening to celebrate our birthday. We also must pass along the apology that my parents are unable to join us at the moment as their travel plans were delayed, they hope to arrive as soon as possible. But that leaves me with the pleasure of sharing official news of the progress we have been making. As of today, we have just shipped out 500 new military units equipped with state of the art programming that will keep us safe for years to come. Human soldiers will become a thing of the past, and soon conscription will no longer be necessary.” There was an uproar of applause. “This has been the goal of our company for a long time but of course we couldn’t done it without your support, so please enjoy yourselves tonight!

As sound of the ovation comes to an end you have your cue to leave. For some reason after a speech the environment always becomes palpable with excitement and people will often try to embrace you with conversation. Hiding yourself behind Jungkook, he edges you to the hallway with several androids guarding the entrance to make your exit.

You are only too happy to be lead back to the parlor by Jungkook. He guides you to your favourite spot in the room, the piano bench. Your tablet already there and waiting for you.

“May I give you your present now Noona?”

You look over to him with a curious interest. ...Jungkook you aren’t required to give me anything for my birthday...

“Neither is Hyung, but you accepted his gift. Will you receive mine too?”

You nod expecting him to pull something out from a pocket but instead he places his hands on the keys in front of you. The ivory presses beneath his fingers in the form of a familiar melody. It’s an accompaniment, the perfect fit to the first piece he had ever heard you play.

...You learned how to play?...

He nods, “Your music is essential you, I want to be part of it too.”

...But this song, you remember it? I haven’t played it in so long...

Jungkook looks to you as he continues, not even missing a beat. “I can recall everything you do Noona, but the memory of this song keeps repeating for me. At first I thought it was an error, but I believe this is what humans experience when a memory is important to them, is it not?”

You nod to confirm, a tear escaping you as you are overwhelmed with emotion. Jungkook’s fingers pause on the keys to address your tears ...No, keep playing, these are happy tears I promise...

“Will you play it with me? Can I hear your voice with mine?”

The small piano bench encourages you to press your side against his as you take up position. Your fingers quake slightly as they join his on the instrument, matching Jungkook's slow soft tempo allowing your fingers to roll over the instrument's keys.

His hand nudges yours as your notes draw closer together. His sound is a little more forceful than your own, especially for such a piece. This time you place your hand on his, guiding him to caress the keys, showing him how feather light touches can convey just as much. Wondering if he can see how it changes the emotional impact of the song.

Jungkook looks to you again with another question as the piece comes to a close, “Noona that man Master was referring to earlier, V, did you know him?”

You finish off the last few notes before responding. ...I did. A long time ago, before I met you...

You were upset that V did not recognize you when you met eyes, but Jungkook more than makes up for that now. He will never leave you, he will never forget you. So why is it so hard to wipe the boy with the boxy grin from your mind?

You find Seokjin standing in the doorway with a coy grin on his face. “Mom and Dad just arrived if you want to see them?”

You shake your head and lowered your eyes, “Yeah I felt the same, luckily they’ll only be here for an hour or two and then they are heading out with the Prime Minister.” He nods at Jungkook, “So now you’re training it how to play the piano too?”

Seokjin paces closer to see your answer ...He is acting off his own impulses. This is what I’ve been trying to tell you, they are more than just assistants or soldiers...

“For our company to thrive they can’t be, we need soldiers who are going to take orders not question their leaders. This is for the greater good. You heard what I said, with these units we can save lives, we can end conscription.”

Seokjin’s phone suddenly starts to blare out, he looks at the display with apprehension “Why would they risk a call from there? This line isn’t secure.” He mutters quietly before answering the phone.

“Hello, yes why are you... what... what the hell do you mean it never arrived? How can 500 units just go missing?... Do you know what that shipment was worth?” Seokjin’s anger is overflowing, it’s terrifying to see him in such a rage. “Have them send the jet to Seoul I’ll leave right away.”

He gives out a sigh as he hangs up. “Sorry sis, I’ll have to cut this trip short. I’ll send word soon once I make sure that we can have a secure conversation. It looks like our friends have decided to act out again.” There’s a swift kiss to your check before he exits out the back.

While Seokjin takes his leave, Jungkook stares at the other door that leads to the long hallway and ballroom.

...What’s wrong?...

“One of the guests has passed out, possibly do to an allergic reaction. The units on site have sent out an emergency signal to respond.”

...You should go, they might need your help...

“You’ll be okay Noona?”

You nod and wave him off out the door.

In his absence you returning to your piano calling up a different piece from your past, one you learned and played before Jungkook's time. The song you played for V so many years ago. The song he loved to listen to as he sat by your side... the one that prompted him to give you your first kiss at the age of 13. Seokjin might think V a distant memory, but for you he still holds strong.

You had keep your friendship secret from Seokjin, from your family. For fear of what they would do if they found out he knew of your disability.

V would always tell the guards he was coming to visit Seokjin as a child when really he was coming to see you. It had broken you deeply when he and his family moved away in your yearly teen years. You had heard about the accident too. The one that took his family and many of his memories. You wonder how much he could remember. If he can recall you or your time together, does he know of your friendship that grew despite your defect?

The door pushes back open, you keep playing knowing that Jungkook wouldn’t want you to stop on his account. But It’s not Jungkook who comes to stand by your side...

“Sorry to interrupt.”

It’s Kim Vincent... V.

Maybe it was the song you just played, maybe it was the fact that you were reliving the memory, you couldn’t help but toss aside priority for once, leaping up from your piano and pulling him into a hug.

...

Asimov’s Law safe house, Seoul 12:00 pm December 4th, 2054

POV Taehyung

“Fuck!” I curse out as our captive’s vomit spills all over my shoes.

Yoongi enters the room chuckling once he sees the reason for my swear. Calling out to the one who should have been in my predicament. “Hoseok get your ass out here! It’s your job to keep him alive until tonight.”

I look back to the man tied to the chair, Kim Vincent. He’s high as a kite with bile now dripping from his chin. I still can’t shake the eeriness I feel when I look upon him. I know that the whole plan relies on our likeness, but having someone who resembles me so closely is unnerving.

“Did you get everything you needed? I just got the confirmation to proceed for tonight.”

“I think so, we should try and keep him at a better level though, he’s too far gone. I might require any last minute information he can remember but he’s useless like this.” I push the man’s head back proving my point when I release it to lull forward again.

“When we found him he wasn’t much better. You either get this or serious withdrawal symptoms. No one wants an irritable drug addict.”

“Ugh gross.” Hope finally enters the room to look after his charge. “Leave the shoes Tae I’ll find you some other ones. Is Jimin back yet?”

“From his pre-op ritual? No he was out all night, someone must have kept him busy.” I respond with cynicism. The lock on the door begins to rattle and in stumbles Jimin. “Speak of the devil, cutting it a little close aren’t you? Were you out enjoying your walk of shame?”

“I have plenty of time, and he was worth every step. I was sad to see he already left the hotel when I woke up though, I could have gone for another round.” Jimin gives a smug look as he examines the state of the room he’s just entered. “You should join me next time rather than stress here all night. I can find you someone to help relax.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“Suit yourself.” Jimin strolls off to his room with a hum.

“Yoongi where you able to find any more information on our employer?”

“Nothing. Although I expect they are involved with the S(e)oul First movement. They must be part of something big for the amount they’re paying us.”

“Even if they are as close to the family as they boast?’

“That could have been their motive to get so close, we can’t be sure. Their wish to remain anonymous is not surprising, they’re giving us our chance and letting us choose between the two targets so we shouldn’t complain.”

“I’ll take out both if I can. They may just want to send a message, but I want to win this war.”

“Don’t risk it if you don’t have the window though, the male heir is the priority. She will inherit a large fortune, but he is in line to receive the company. This is going to be more dangerous than you anticipate. With so many units around, your time is going to be limited and our communication almost non-existent. Their security is impossible to hack, you’ll be blind, other than what the informant has given us.”

“Just be ready with the switch once I send the green light.”

...

As I hand over my invitation to the staff they compare my face to the image they have on file, directing me thought the metal detector and into the ballroom once they confirm my identity.

It’s hard to believe the number of people of importance that they’ve stuffed into one room. It’s like they are asking for us to make a move. For god sake even the Prime Minister is here. I tug the collar around my neck pulling it forward, countering the weight of the carbon fiber blade tucked into the back of my vest.

The family’s son is making his rounds as I enter. Not wanting to engage him just yet I move to the opposite end of the room confirming guards and exit points. The memory loss from Vincent’s past accident is a decent alibi but if I can avoid all possible conversation I will.

I soon spot Jimin in a wait staff uniform and have to cover a snicker. He always hates these support roles, preferring to be the one to make the strike, but that assignment falls on me today.

After a long wait I watch as the heiress steps into the hall. I had expected her to be just as exuberant as her brother but there seems to be something different about her. Instead of greeting guests she simply confines herself to a corner with her date... no wait, that must be her guard. I almost didn’t recognize him for the android that he is, had it not been for the suit that he’s dawning I might have continued to think him human.

Now that I know him to be a unit I can see the additional signs, how he stands perfectly still, how his eyes dart about the room. But when he looks to the heiress, that is when he appears almost human again. I’ve never seen that expression before in an android, it’s almost as if his whole existence relies on her. He watches every move she makes, and clings so desperately to her side. This could be a problem, what if he doesn’t leave with the others...

I step over to Jimin and grab a glass of champagne from him. “Restroom, two minutes.” I can’t be seen talking with him out on the floor unless I want to draw suspicion to him after my task is done.

I check under the stalls to find it all clear. This is the only spot I can be sure I won't be recorded or overheard.

“That unit...”

“I know, bold of her to bring her sex toy into public don’t you think?”

“Jimin, if he’s not on the security programming he won’t leave her.”

“He’ll leave, he has to be linked to the system in some format.” Jimin pauses in consideration before continuing the assessment of our situation, “That other man though, do you think he’ll follow them?”

“The tutor? No I’ve been told he usually stays until the end of these parties, despite the fact that the heirs always take leave early.”

“She seems like a piece of work, doesn’t she?” Jimin chuckles darkly, “Maybe we should change targets. The son at least thanked me when I offered him a drink, she didn’t even bother to say a word, just turned her head away like I was nothing.”

“I would look away too if a flirtatious brat offered me a drink.”

“Fuck you, she would be so lucky.” Jimin bites back before letting out a long sigh, “This is exhausting waiting on these people, we should have just poisoned them, we’d be done by now.”

“Too risky, and too many variables.”

Jimin moves back to the door. “Fine we’ll stick to your plan Once both of the heirs leave I’ll send out the package, watch for the recipient and then give you a three minute warning.”

...

The son’s speech was cringe worthy, but not as bad as the crowd's reaction. I watch as they are enthralled by him and this perfect family. The end to conscription, that’s their goal? I highly doubt that.

I observe the daughter leave surprisingly early since she was the last to arrive. Exiting down a hall with two guards posted at each side preventing guests from entering the private area.

A half hour later the son takes his leave too. With the arrival of his parents he is relieved from his social duties, exiting down the same hall that his sister had gone.

With his departure, Jimin works quickly to deliver his distraction. When the the bait is taken he gives his signal by offering me another drink.

I station myself close to the hall’s entrance as the minutes pass. A women at the far end of the room begins to cough and gasp as if she’s choking. Just as planned, just as programmed the units leave their post. Prioritizing the health and safety of the guest, but there's still one more I am waiting on. The heiress’s personal unit that left with her, in the seconds that pass my anxiety increases. When the android finally steps out into the ballroom I steal off behind it down the now vacant hall.

I can hear music different from the tone of the ballroom I had just left. A dreary piano melody playing from my intended destination. Clair de Lune, well if that’s the last song he wishes to listen to I can’t deny it to be a good choice, it seems that we at least agree on something.

My hand pauses on the panel as I put an ear to the door. I find it odd that there are no words exchanged between the siblings only the notes of the tune. I push open the door slowly as to not draw attention immediately. The daughter is the one playing the piano, but where is the son, where is my ideal target?

She keeps focused on the music as I draw closer. I stop once she looks up at me a grin spreads throughout her face, but nothing can prepare me for the hug that follows.

V is Seokjin’s friend so why is she having such a reaction to me? None of this makes any sense.

I quickly pull her off of me, “Sorry I was looking for your brother Jin. Is he still here?” I’m careful to use his nickname that he went by in school to maintain the act. It was one of the few things that I had managed to drag from Vincent about him.

She looks absolutely broken after hearing my words. Her mouth hangs open ever so slightly her lips trembling as she shakes her head.

“Can you tell me where he went?”

She remains silent much to my dismay, a sadness continues to fill her expression. I begin to curse her out in my mind, if she tells me I will leave, if she tells me I don’t have to fucking kill her instead...

She takes a step back knocking over the piano bench in the process.

My time is running short, that drug that Jimin had someone serve the women will soon wane.

With no other option she will have to do. “May I wait here with you until he returns?” I try my best to remain cordial as I taking a step towards her, I reach behind to find my concealed blade. Why isn’t she answering me? I notice her eyes dart over to a tablet resting on the piano stand. I thought it would display music but it looks to be half of a conversation.

...What’s wrong?...

...You should go, they might need your help...

My hand stops before I draw the dagger out into view. Why would she type out orders? Why isn’t she saying anything? Is it... is it because she can’t? This is not what I expected, she is not what her family presents her to be. She is not perfect... she is not without flaw...

...

A/N: Whew! Lots to digest in that part, if you have any questions, about the world building, or characters, feel free to send me an ask!

#jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader #yandere bts #bts smut #bts x reader #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts reader insert #bts scifi #yandere jungkook #bts assassin au #bts maknae line x reader #bts android au #android jungkook #bts au #bts artificially inclined

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noelpinnock1 · 4 years

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“Into the Unknown! – Part I”

Author Noel Pinnock, B.S., M.P.A., C.A., CCC

www.noelpinnock.com

Merriam-Webster (MW) defines “mind,” in the noun tense, as the element or complex of elements in an individual that feels, perceives, thinks, wills, and reason. Furthermore, MW defines “set” as to put, lay, or stand (something) in a specified place or position. When you concatenate these words, we arrive at mindset. This compound word is so powerful that it can drive countries as well as individuals, alike, into mass turmoil or elevate them to great prosperity. The interesting thing about mindset is that it vacillates because its nature is predicated on situations and circumstances. We all have internal processes that govern our growth and development. Some may have a fixed mindset; therefore, growth and development can be limited. While others have a learning mindset and adjustments are made along our life’s journey. Whether fixed or learning, a mindset is a set of assumptions, methods, or notations held by one or more people or groups of people and can also be seen as arising out of a person's world view or philosophy of life. Our mindset or logic box is our collection of knowledge, attitudes, skills, and habits (KASH) that often limit our perception and acts as a restriction on objective thought and creative expression. What is in your mindset? What are your views and perspectives that have eroded some of your best intentions with unintended consequences?

In 1972, one of the best-known slogans in public-service was “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.” The United Negro College Fund ran this slogan in print, radio, and television as an intentional campaign to close a persistent gap between African Americans and other groups in college completion. They understood then as we know today that in a land that is constantly going through entropy only the learned will survive. We can no longer rest on the scaffold of mediocrity and not take the leap into the unknown.

The animated movie Frozen 2 was a mega-billion dollar hit at the box office and the soundtrack was equally successful on the music charts. One song, most notably, Into the Unknown, aligns with the perspectives of this article, in huge part because we fear what we don’t know, and many don’t ever like asking questions because it will make others believe that we don’t know thus the paradox. Check out the first to verses of the song:

“I can hear you but I won't Some look for trouble while others don't There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day And ignore your whispers which I wish would go away.

You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear And if I heard you, which I don't, I'm spoken for I fear Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls I've had my adventure, I don't need something new I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you”

These words are very powerful for a seminal audience to comprehend but if you dissect its meaning, you will understand the humanistic nature of individuals whose mindset has been hindered or restricted because they don’t want to leave the porch, get out of the boat, or take the leap into the unknown. The unknown is scary and unpredictable. It isn’t something that we are used to. We prefer routine and certainty but as I have always told my staff, certainty is the enemy and uncertainty an ally. Our 10-year old daughter sang this song so much during the Frozen 2’s hey-day that I became so curious that I woke one early Saturday morning to watch it for myself.

The movie’s plot was rich, and it captivated me. Elsa the Snow Queen has an extraordinary gift -- the power to create ice and snow. But no matter how happy she is to be surrounded by the people of Arendelle, Elsa finds herself strangely unsettled. After hearing a mysterious voice call out to her, Elsa travels to the enchanted forests and dark seas beyond her kingdom -- an adventure that soon turns into a journey of self-discovery. Synoptically, Elsa discovers that the voice calling to her was the memory of young Iduna's call; that her powers were given to her by nature because of Iduna's selfless act of saving Agnarr; and that Elsa herself is the fifth spirit who would break the water dam that would save their kingdom.

You see, the voice calling Elsa (like you and me) into the unknown was challenging her mindset and comfort zone. She was doing just fine after Frozen 1 but there was an agitation that persisted and kept her up at night, trepidatious and reluctant to escape from the comfort the has confined her perspectives. We all get comfortable and enjoy what comfort brings. Many people see comfort as an adjective, describing an attribute or something, when, in fact, comfort is a noun.

Comfort enters your home as a guest, remains as your host, and will eventually become your master. Comfort is a silent killer and has been charged with homicides in careers, families, marriages, and almost every place imaginable where growth and development are quintessential factors to success. Our limited KASH affects our ability to create or solve problems in two important ways: it heavily influences the kind of opportunities or problems that we recognize as being important enough to create (opportunities) and/or solve (problems); and it influences the analysis of the potential (opportunities) and cause (problems) and therefore the proper course of action to maximize the opportunities in life or to minimize the duplication of problems that have been solved in our past. What’s the definition of insanity? There, you got it, doing the same thing while expecting different results or better yet…being fearful of entering the unknown.

Our mindset should be challenged. We should have a desire to grow but that’s not innate in us. Physically speaking, our bodies do this on the regular. When we are hot, our bodies don’t sit there and internally combust. No, our bodies respond to the external stimuli by sweating to ensure we don’t overheat and dehydrate in the process. If the hairs in our nose tickle a bit, we sneeze. In other words, our bodies respond to external forces and are not going to be suppressed by anything.

Like our physical nature, our psyche (not psychic) nature, which comprises of our mind, will, and emotions should, like a thermostat, adjust to the external environment to maintain the proper climate in our lives. To do this we must be committed to the foundational premise of continuous learning and development. Without challenging ourselves, we subscribe to an internal newsletter whose content never changes. Imagine that, picking up a magazine and reading the same articles over and over again. Certainly, the cure to insomnia. So, if you want to challenge your mindset and are daring to enter the unknown to discover and unlock your internal talents and gifts, you must evict comfort because comfort is the enemy of change. Not to mention, we must dismiss the notion that nobody likes “change” but a wet baby.

Apostle Paul, whose mindset was drastically change on the Damascus Road, wrote that we are not to be conformed to the ways of the world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds or mindset. He realized, like we should, that transformation doesn’t end with age or experience, but it continues daily as we invent and reinvent ourselves. If you can agree with this, then you must establish parameters to keep your mind percolating and hungry for more.

Gertrude Ederle became the first woman to swim the English Channel in 1926, on her second attempt. 19-year-old Gertrude Ederle swam 21 miles from Dover, England, to Cape Griz-Nez across the English Channel, which separates Great Britain from the northwestern tip of France. On August 6, 1926, Ederle entered the water at Cape Gris-Nez in France at 7:08 a.m. to make her second attempt at the Channel. The water was predictably cold as she started out that morning, but unusually calm. Twice that day, however–at noon and 6 p.m.–Ederle encountered squalls along her route and Burgess urged her to end the swim. Ederle’s father and sister, though, who were riding in the boat along with Burgess, agreed with Ederle that she should stay the course. Ederle’s father had promised her a new roadster at the conclusion of the swim, and for added motivation he called out to her in the water to remind her that the roadster was only hers if she finished. Ederle persevered through storms and heavy swells, and, finally, at 9:04 p.m. after 14 hours and 31 minutes in the water, she reached the English coast, becoming the sixth person and first woman to swim the Channel successfully. Furthermore, she had bettered the previous record by two hours.

Afterwards, Ederle told Alec Rutherford of The New York Times, “I knew it could be done, it had to be done, and I did it.” She went on to say that she was successful the second time around, not because of the incentives outlined by her father but because she possessed a mindset that failure was not an option. She started the journey with intentionality to reaching the English coast. It was in her mind from the beginning even though she felt like giving up and her body became fatigued. She was set on not breaking the record but breaking up the comfort in her mindset that would oftentimes tell her she wasn’t capable, or the feat was impossible.

What has kept you anchored in a position of mediocrity? What has prevented you from going to the next level? I can guarantee you this…that something would be your mind. The richest place on the planet, found in every place across the globe, is the graveyard – filled with so many people who could have, would have, and should have, but for many (not all) were scared to enter the unknown. I am inspired by these words myself, and will likely archive this article because I, like you, will no longer be afraid to enter the unknown, because when we are there, we can unlock some of our life’s greatest experiences and moments. There I say again, let’s #getatit!

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the--bot · 5 years

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For GAYANDAGRYSPACEDORRITO

Like I said you would you resorted to ugly vulgar attacks rather than discussion. Nor did you read any of the truth told you. All interactions with lesbian sister was love n support. The misery and truths came from her. As I plainly stated u don't need God to tell you it is wrong, nature, your own mind, body, spirit, genetics, DNA wars against itself. Why, the truth none of you can argue n why at some point when societies and medicine falls away u will be extinct, why YOU CAN'T PROCREATE. That is nature itself, ur own bodies telling u it is wrong. This can't be argued, period, no matter how u try.

There are many false studies to support ur narrative but real science no. Genetics are genetics, period. It is choice.

Here is real study showing exactly that.....

Report refutes LGBT ‘born that way’ theoryStudy from researchers at Johns Hopkins University dispels popular myths about sexual orientationTheresa Farnan and Mary Rice Hasson OSV Newsweekly

8/22/2016

Shutterstock

According to a new report, scientific evidence fails to support the “born that way” theory of sexual orientation. In addition, there is “no evidence” that “all children who express gender-atypical thoughts or behavior should be encouraged to become transgender,” the findings state.

The report, “Sexuality and Gender: Findings from the Biological, Psychological, and Social Sciences,” is co-authored by Dr. Lawrence Mayer and Dr. Paul McHugh, both of Johns Hopkins University, and published in The New Atlantis, a journal of technology and society. While Mayer, an epidemiologist trained in psychiatry, insists that the “report is about science and medicine, nothing more and nothing less,” it is expected that, in light of the “great chasm between much of the public discourse and what science has shown,” the findings will generate intense pushback from cultural voices that advocate for LGBT-affirming policies. Emboldened by court victories and federal executive actions following the Supreme Court’s decision legalizing same-sex marriage, activists have depicted their efforts to further LGBT civil rights as grounded on settled science.

But, as Mayer and McHugh, a leading psychiatrist, make clear, the science is far from settled. The authors reviewed the findings of hundreds of peer-reviewed studies on gender and sexuality, and their conclusions challenge some of the popular cultural myths that surround questions of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Myth 1: Science proves that homosexuality and other forms of sexual orientation are biologically based (the “born that way” theory).

The authors reviewed several possible explanations for the “born that way” hypothesis, including genetics, exposure to prenatal hormones and neurobiological differences. They argue that science is not settled when it comes to understanding the origins of sexual attraction, sexual desires and sexual behaviors. In fact, the authors note, a scientific explanation of “sexual orientation” is problematic because the term “sexual orientation” means widely different things — sexual desire, sexual attraction, patterns of sexual behavior — to different people and therefore is hard to measure accurately.

In addition, by presuming that sexual orientation is rooted in genetics, researchers or clinicians may miss other relevant factors — including, for example, childhood physical or sexual abuse, which is experienced in disproportionately high numbers by nonheterosexuals. Moreover, if nonheterosexual desires, preferences and behavior were indeed biological, one might expect them to remain fixed throughout a person’s life. Instead, “there is now considerable scientific evidence that sexual desires, attractions, behaviors and even identities can, and sometimes do, change over time.” Adolescents especially exhibit fluidity of sexual desire, although the authors note “opposite-sex attraction and identity seem to be more stable than same-sex or bisexual attraction and identity.”

Myth 2: Social stress from stigma and discrimination is the root cause of the poor mental health of persons identifying as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Removing social stress, by normalizing nonheterosexual behaviors, will resolve these issues.

Mental Health Statistics

Compared to members of the heterosexual population, nonheterosexual persons are:

1 1/2 times higher risk of anxiety disorders

Twice the risk of depression

1 1/2 times the risk of substance abuse

Nearly 2 1/2 times the risk of suicide

Source: “Sexuality and Gender: Findings from the Biological, Psychological, and Social Sciences."

The “social stress” model proposes that stigma and discrimination directly cause the numerous mental health issues disproportionately found in the nonheterosexual population. The report identifies several shortcomings of the social stress model: Scientific evidence for the social stress model is limited, the parameters of social stress (what it is, what it means) are vaguely defined, and the model itself “does not put forth a complete explanation for the disparities” in mental health “between nonheterosexuals and heterosexuals.” In addition, the social stress model is unable to “explain the mental health problems of a particular patient.” They conclude that, “The social stress model probably accounts for some of the poor mental health outcomes experienced by sexual minorities, though the evidence supporting the model is limited, inconsistent and incomplete.” They recommend “more high-quality longitudinal studies” to assess the model’s usefulness.

Myth 3: A transgender person’s gender identity does not match the person’s sex at birth, so the transgender person is “trapped in the wrong body.”

The new report strongly counters this transgender myth. “The hypothesis that gender identity is an innate, fixed property of human beings that is independent of biological sex — that a person might be ‘a man trapped in a woman’s body’ or ‘a woman trapped in a man’s body’ — is not supported by scientific evidence.” A variation of this myth argues that a transgender person has, for example, a “male brain,’’ but a woman’s body. After reviewing studies of neurobiological differences in the brains of transgender persons, the report’s authors state that “all interpretations, usually in popular outlets,” suggesting that brain differences between transgender people and others are “the cause” of being transgendered are “unwarranted.”

Myth 4: Early transitioning, using medical treatments like puberty blockers, is the best way to treat transgender children.

The study’s authors emphatically reject this myth as not only unfounded in science but also potentially harmful to children. “The notion that a 2-year-old, having expressed thoughts or behaviors identified with the opposite sex, can be labeled for life as transgender has absolutely no support in science.” Moreover, Mayer and McHugh warn, “An area of particular concern involves medical interventions for gender-nonconforming youth. They are increasingly receiving therapies that affirm their felt genders and even hormone treatments or surgical modifications at young ages. But the majority of children who identify as a gender that does not conform to their biological sex will no longer do so by the time they reach adulthood. We are disturbed and alarmed by the severity and irreversibility of some interventions being publicly discussed and employed for children.” Because of the “scientific uncertainty” over treatments in children and the “lack of reliable studies on the long-term effects,” the report’s authors “strongly urge caution” toward such “premature” and “drastic” interventions.

Like what you’re reading? Subscribe now in print or digital.

The report by Mayer and McHugh challenges current cultural myths surrounding gender and human sexuality, but their primary purpose in writing the report is concern for the well-being of transgender and nonheterosexual individuals. Many of these individuals have been promised — by cultural narratives if not physicians — that social affirmation of their chosen gender or sexual orientation will improve their lives and even resolve their psychological issues. The data, however, proves that this is not true. Mental health statistics paint a sobering picture of the mental and physical health challenges facing transgender and nonheterosexual persons. According to the report, members of the nonheterosexual population, compared to members of the heterosexual population, have approximately:

— 1 1/2 times higher risk of anxiety disorders.

— Twice the risk of depression

— 1 1/2 times the risk of substance abuse.

— Nearly 2 1/2 times the risk of suicide.

Transgender individuals fare worst of all, with lifetime suicide rates estimated at 41 percent; those who underwent sex-reassignment were about five times more likely to attempt suicide and about 19 times more likely to die by suicide.

Mayer and McHugh’s report contradicts the conventional, highly politicized narrative that “transitioning” and “coming out” will solve the problems of nonheterosexuals or gender-dysphoric children. In fact, these experts argue, nonheterosexual and gender-dysphoric persons deserve better than being steered into life-changing decisions and radical treatments on the basis of faulty science. They deserve compassionate care rooted in sound scientific evidence.

Theresa Farnan, PhD, is an adjunct professor at Franciscan University in Ohio. Mary Rice Hasson is a fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center in Washington, D.C.

U can find psuedo science to make u feel better but it won't. Sorry, truth is truth.

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classyalpacapizza · 3 years

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Global Anti-Hypertension Drugs Market - 2019-2026 Description: Hypertension is an incessant condition related to irregular pulse height in both diastolic and systolic. Hypertension is profoundly connected with sudden passing worldwide and is a key worry in general wellbeing in both creating and created nations. The counter hypertension drugs are utilized for levelling or lessening circulatory strain Request Sample of Global Anti-Hypertension Drugs Market Overview Report @- https://www.99-reports.com/sample-request/anti-hypertension-drugs-market/55 Source: Secondary Databases, Primary Interviews and Pan Global Research Analysis Market Overview The market reports are created based on explicit parameters. The report dedicates cook proficient answers for corporate vital dynamic. It embraces worldwide logical administration framework, cooking first rate counselling administrations to customers. Digging into the report, careful market incomes and offers development designs, examination of market patterns, and the worth and volume of the market is referenced. Market Dynamics Hypertension is a deep rooted infection, which implies that a patient may require to take prescriptions consistently for the remainder of his/her life. In this way, the interest for hostile to hypertensive drugs is supportable and will increment with increment in the number of target patients. Against hypertensive medications were the second biggest treatment territory in 2011 with the estimation of the worldwide deal of more than USD 40 billion, as indicated by the World Preview 2018 report by Evaluate Browse Full Global Anti-Hypertension Drugs Market Overview Report @-https://www.99-reports.com/market-report/anti-hypertension-drugs-market#report_Desc Pharma. This market, be that as it may, it will be unpredictable because of patent expiries of blockbuster drugs, nonexclusive disintegration, and dispatch of novel atoms. For instance, the patent lapse of blockbuster medications, for example, Diovan, Relation, Avapro, Enforce and Bio press has affected the worldwide enemy of hypertensive market with the section of generics. Then again, the interest for fixed portion blends is sure to rise, sponsored by the expansion in a number of patients. Factors, for example, maturing populace and way of life changes will prompt an expansion in the worldwide frequency pace of hypertension. Download Free PDF Global Anti-Hypertension Drugs Market Brochure @-https://www.99-reports.com/request-brochure/anti-hypertension-drugs-market/55 Global Anti Hypertension Drugs Market Key Segment By Therapeutic class: • Diuretics • Angiotensin Converting Enzyme (ACE) Inhibitors • Angiotensin Receptor Blockers (ARBs) • Beta Blockers • Direct Renin Inhibitors • Calcium Channel Blockers By Application • Hospital • Retail • Online Global Anti Hypertension Drugs Market Geographical Analysis By geography, the global Anti Hypertension Drugs Market is segmented into North America, Asia Pacific (APAC), Europe, South America, and the Middle East and Africa (MEA). North American mastery is mostly a direct result of the expanded predominance of hypertension and another cardiovascular ailment just as individuals getting progressively mindful of hypertension and its outcomes. Additionally, it is the nearness of significant makers together with their entrenched system in the locale that has additionally helped in the general development of the worldwide antihypertensive market. Asia Pacific district is additionally expected to see development in the antihypertensive market during the gauge time frame on account of the rising mindfulness identified with hypertension and its complexities. Global Anti Hypertension Drugs Market Competitive Analysis • Novartis AG • Pfizer Inc • Johnson & Johnson Ltd • Sanofi S.A. • Lupin Limited • Ranbaxy Laboratories Limited • Merck & Co Inc. • Astra Zeneca Plc • Daiichi Sankyo Company Limited • Takeda Pharmaceutical Company Limited. Global Anti-Hypertension Drugs Customization @- https://www.99-reports.com/customization/anti-hypertension-drugs-market/55 About Us: 99 Reports is a market research company that provides a solution for all of your analysis needs. Our market reports and skilled services facilitate the organization in taking a business call within the right direction. Utilizing your business alternative with good research combined with an understanding of market patterns, size and demand are some important options of our exploration and market examines. Our main aim is to serve our shoppers with the foremost reliable and correct data. Contact Us: 99- Reports.com 244, Madison Avenue, #1038 New York, NY 10016 Phone: +1844 4452 861 Email: [email protected] Website: https://www.99-reports.com

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jrmartindesigns · 3 years

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Millions of Americans can’t get broadband

hen Kathi Shorey moved to a rural region of western Maine about 40 years ago, she knew she was giving up some comforts of life in the Boston suburbs. Her new home of Sweden, located 47 miles from Portland, didn’t have big box retailers or major universities, and its population of about 400 people could all fit into a single city apartment building.

Shorey never anticipated that decades later, her chosen home would make it impossible for her to work remotely and stay connected during a global pandemic — all because her internet service is too slow to reliably get online.

“Never did I think the digital divide would be so unfair,” Shorey said during a conversation on her landline phone, the only reliable way for her to communicate when she’s at home.

The registered nurse, who now teaches a nurse’s aid class, gets, at best, 3 Mbps download speeds through her service, far below the FCC’s broadband definition of 25 Mbps — a level itself that’s viewed as outdated and inadequate for today’s needs. Shorey can’t watch Netflix, and her internet is too slow for her to take classes to maintain her nursing license. Even more worrisome is Shorey’s inability to broadcast video to her nurse’s aid students while the novel coronavirus pandemic forces classes to take place remotely over Zoom.

“The issues I’m having are pretty horrific for this century,” Shorey said. “I can’t show students any video, and they have to turn off their video to hear me. I run around my house and shut off the two phones we have, and my iPad and my home computer … just so I can get a connection.”

For Shorey, the problem goes beyond just lack of internet. Inaccurate information about what service is available at her address limits the public funding providers can receive to improve their networks in her area. According to the US Federal Communications Commission’s national broadband map, which tracks internet availability, Charter Communications could provide nearly gig-speed internet access at Shorey’s home, while Consolidated Communications — her current provider — and satellite companies ViaSat and Hughes Network Systems could supply access at about broadband speeds. That conclusion is riddled with inaccuracies.

“I can’t get anything more than 3 Mbps whether I want to pay for it or not,” Shorey said.

Her story isn’t rare. Millions of Americans around the country lack access to fast internet at home, a need that’s become especially critical over the past year as the COVID-19 pandemic forced everything from family gatherings to classes and business meetings to go online. But even as President Joe Biden pushes an ambitious $20 billion plan on top of billions of dollars in funding already earmarked for unserved communities, a fundamental flaw remains in not knowing where the problems lie. The faulty FCC national broadband map has essentially made millions of Americans without fast internet “invisible,” as Microsoft put it, and unless the data improve, they’re likely to remain so.

“You cannot manage what you do not measure,” acting FCC Chairwoman Jessica Rosenworcel said in late January. “But for too long, the FCC has lacked the data it needs about precisely where service is and is not throughout the country.”

Why millions of Americans still lack broadband at a time when it’s no longer optional16:00 WATCH NOW

There’s reason to be hopeful. Thanks to $65 million in funding from Congress in December, the FCC now will require internet service providers to share more detailed data, giving a better picture of what areas are unserved by broadband. It will also have to open the map to public feedback, letting people flag when something is wrong and providing more data points on gaps. On Wednesday at the agency’s monthly meeting, Rosenworcel launched a new task force to fix the data, saying “it’s no secret that the FCC’s existing broadband maps leave a lot to be desired.”

But some experts say the new mapping parameters still aren’t granular enough, and the new maps almost certainly will arrive too late to help people during the pandemic. The updated data likely won’t be available until at least next year, the Broadband Data Task Force’s chair, Jean Kiddoo, acknowledged Wednesday. Many regions of the US can’t wait that long.

“Nobody wants to overbuild, and everybody only wants to serve the unserved,” says Peggy Schaffer, director of the ConnectMaine Authority, the state’s effort to bridge its digital divide. “But we, quite frankly, have no idea who they are.”

Unwilling to wait for the federal government, Maine, Pennsylvania, Georgia and other states have set out to build their own maps, drawing on speed test data, specific information from ISPs about what homes they serve, and other resources to find out where their gaps are.

The FCC’s effort is, however, a step in the right direction in addressing a problem that has grown in severity over the last quarter century.

Faulty maps

The broadband mapping problem goes back to the early days of the internet, when the Telecommunications Act of 1996 required the FCC to collect semiannual data from providers about which ZIP codes they serviced. But the agency didn’t publicly disclose the internet service providers in each area.

Thirteen years later, the government tried to make the information more transparent. A provision of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, signed by President Barack Obama, mandated the development of a National Broadband Plan and the creation of a US broadband map by mid-February 2011.

To build the map, internet service providers twice a year give the FCC what’s called Form 477 data that details coverage areas and speeds. But the FCC doesn’t check the data; it just relies on the ISPs to report accurate information. And the speeds that service providers list are what their advertised maximum speeds are, not necessarily the everyday reality. Pricing data is kept confidential, which means broadband speeds may be available but at very high rates.

The FCC’s broadband map overstates the number of Americans with fast internet at home. FCC

An even bigger issue: If even one home in a census block — the smallest geographic area used by the US Census Bureau — can get broadband service, the entire area is considered served. In rural areas, that home may be the only place with internet service for miles around. And the data only shows places service providers could provide broadband within 10 business days of a request, not areas that are actually connected. As of the 2010 census, there were 11.2 million census blocks in the US. By comparison, there are an estimated 150 million parcels — the way land is divided for taxes — in the country.

“Census blocks in America are highly irregular in terms of size and shape,” said Tyler Cooper, editor-in-chief of internet service data tracker BroadbandNow. “It could be a single city block in urban areas or dozens of square miles in a rural area. … You have this vast issue of overreporting happening.”

Accepting an ISP’s data without checking it can be problematic. Barrier Communications, a New York-based ISP that does business as BarrierFree, submitted data for 2019’s broadband report that said it provided speedy internet coverage for nearly 20% of the US population. That would make it the fourth largest US service provider in terms of people covered despite being in business only about six months. The FCC accepted that information without checking it. It was only after nonprofit Free Press pointed out the “implausible” nature of the claims that the FCC revised its figures on the number of Americans covered by broadband.

The flawed maps have presented a big problem as governments try to distribute broadband funding. If a census block is considered covered by the FCC map, it’s not eligible for federal assistance. That’s particularly worrisome as the US distributes billions through the Rural Digital Opportunity Fund, which the FCC has called its “largest investment ever to close [the] digital divide.”https://ift.tt/3pKlkJy

A year ago, the FCC approved the disbursement of $20.4 billion to ensure that residents in rural areas of the US have access to broadband internet connections. The funding will be allocated over the next 10 years to broadband providers, cable providers, wireless companies and electric co-ops to build access to unserved Americans. At the time, two of the five agency commissioners, including Rosenworcel, dissented in part to the plan because it relies on what they and many others in the country have determined to be faulty data. Those bad maps have led to issues with RDOF.

“We shouldn’t be surprised, in some ways, that parties are already raising some instances where mapping related problems are arising in RDOF in the phase one results,” FCC Commissioner Geoffrey Starks said Wednesday.

There’s also a massive lag between when the data is submitted and when the public sees it. The latest FCC data, published the day before Biden’s inauguration, compiles data provided through the end of 2019. It found that fewer than 14.5 million Americans — or 4.4% of the population �� lack access to fixed broadband, which is defined as download speeds of 25 Mbps and upload speeds of 3 Mbps. The previous year, 18.1 million Americans didn’t have access to broadband at home.

“Since 2016, the number of Americans living in rural areas lacking access to 25/3 Mbps service has fallen more than 46%,” the FCC said in its report. “As a result, the rural-urban divide is rapidly closing.”

The FCC also said the entire US population has access to broadband internet when satellite service is included — an idea that broadband experts describe as laughable.

In reality, the FCC has been dramatically underestimating the number of people without broadband access for years, something Congress and even the FCC itself have acknowledged time and time again.

SEE ALSO

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In remote Alaska, broadband for all remains a dream. So a school district got creative

As COVID-19 ravages the world, closing the digital divide is more critical than ever

How faster internet is being blocked by politics and poverty throughout the eastern US

Microsoft over the past couple of years has looked at how quickly people across the US download its software and security updates as a way to quantify how many have speedy internet access. In December, it said that about 157.3 million people in the US, or 48% of the population, don’t use the internet at broadband speeds. And BroadbandNow, which tracks internet service and pricing by combining Form 477 data with other sources, a year ago estimated that at least 42 million, or 13% of the population, didn’t have broadband at all, double the FCC’s declaration at the time.

“Right now we’re in this bizarre situation where even though we know — we know — that there’s something dreadfully awry with our broadband [data collection], as a matter of national policy dating back 15 years, we simply refuse to collect the information that would explicate that,” said Sascha Meinrath, a broadband data expert who serves as director of X-Lab, a future-focused technology policy and innovation think tank, and holds the endowed Palmer Chair in Telecommunications at Penn State University.

Getting more granular

In August 2019, the FCC adopted rules for collecting more detailed information on where ISPs provide coverage and where they do not as part of its Digital Opportunity Data Collection process. But it wasn’t moving fast enough for Congress — or the constituents who have complained loudly and frequently. Nearly a year later, President Donald Trump signed the Broadband DATA Act to order the FCC to collect the more “granular, precise coverage data.” Still, the data collection process faced even more delays, largely because then-Chairman Ajit Pai said the FCC didn’t have the funds to carry out the act. Congress finally allocated $65 million for mapping as part of December’s COVID-19 relief bill.

What the FCC now will do is require more precise data from broadband service providers in the form of “shapefiles.” Instead of giving information at the census block level, the ISPs will give more detailed measurements through “polygons” that are overlaid on census blocks to depict the areas where broadband-capable networks exist.

“We will no longer count everyone in the census block as served if just one person is served,” Pai said when unveiling the new mapping plan in August 2019.The states are the ones who are innovating on this. We know we can’t wait for the feds to fix it. We waited, we’re done, so we’re moving. Peggy Schaffer, director of the ConnectMaine Authority, the state’s effort to bridge its digital divide

The shapefile plan is something that ISPs championed, and it solves the problem of overstating coverage, said Steven Morris, vice president and deputy general counsel at NCTA-The Internet & Television Association. The group, formerly known as the National Cable & Telecommunications Association, represents the country’s biggest cable providers like Comcast and programmers like AMC Networks, and it’s one of the most influential lobbying groups in America.

While the shapefiles will be more granular, they’re still not down to the address level. The FCC proposed that before, but it’s something ISPs have successfully fought. In 2017, the NCTA said providing street address-level data would cause its members to incur “significant costs,” while Verizon argued it would create “large and unjustified burdens” on providers. This time around, ISPs can share address-level data with the FCC, but it’s not a requirement.

“It’s hard to do in a way that’s as accurate as doing the shapefile,” Morris said. If a provider is greatly expanding its network, it could inadvertently undercount the addresses it serves, he said, while construction of new homes could also impact the accuracy.

Along with more granular data, the FCC also must create a way to gather public feedback on whether their homes and businesses are covered or not. Today, consumers have no official recourse when their homes are listed as covered but actually aren’t. The new crowdsourcing method is expected to help check the data given by ISPs.

“It’s not just relying on what industry tells it,” said Gigi Sohn, an FCC staffer from 2013 to 2016 under Chairman Tom Wheeler and current distinguished fellow at Georgetown Law Institute for Technology Law & Policy. A common criticism about the new plan is that it still relies too much on what ISPs are willing to give, instead of requiring even more granular information and data about pricing.

Problems remain

While the maps may be better than what came before, they likely will still not be enough to truly give an accurate picture of where broadband exists, experts say.

The FCC still hasn’t “gotten rid of the ‘could provide service’ versus ‘does provide service,'” Sohn said. That hides areas where people may be disconnected for affordability reasons or other factors that contribute to the digital divide.

Under the new rules, ISPs can only count an area as covered if it could set up a connection within 10 business days of a customer’s request and without requiring resources or construction costs higher than an ordinary service activation fee. In the previous rules, a service provider could — and did — charge people thousands of dollars to extend service to their homes, even if the official broadband map showed service was available there.

Steve Alexander’s vacation home in Maryland lacked broadband internet — until he and a colleague paid to wire their homes. Getty Images

That happened to Annapolis, Maryland-based Steve Alexander in the early days of the pandemic. The chief technology officer of Ciena, a telecom equipment and software provider, wanted to spend more time at his vacation home on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, but there was just one problem — internet was virtually nonexistent, despite the FCC data saying broadband was available. Alexander’s DSL connection was too slow for him and a colleague who lived nearby to work from home, and a local ISP said it would cost $25,000 to $30,000 to extend service to their addresses.

Alexander ended up lucking out when a local power company dug trenches to make repairs. He convinced it to dig to his location and that of his colleague, which allowed the cable company to install fiber. But none of that was free. It still cost them both about $5,000 to $7,000 apiece, Alexander said.

“I never felt the maps were accurate in terms of real availability,” he said. “Would a normal homeowner be able to order a service based on that map and be guaranteed to get delivery? The answer is no.”

At the same time, the FCC is only requiring information about broadband availability at homes and businesses, not anchor institutions like schools, libraries, health care facilities, public housing community centers and houses of worship. While the FCC in 2010 issued a goal for all anchor institutions to have gigabit-speed connectivity by 2020, the country fell short of that goal, said John Windhausen Jr., executive director of the Schools, Health & Libraries Broadband Coalition, a public interest group.

“Even worse, we don’t even know how far away from the goal we are,” he said. “We’re not collecting the info that would tell us how fast we have to go and how much investment we need to make to get gigabit connectivity.” The new mapping plan doesn’t change that. Never did I think the digital divide would be so unfair. Kathi Shorey, a registered nurse and nurse’s aid instructor living without broadband internet in Maine

Still, the polygon shapefiles could give a better view of connectivity in agricultural areas, says Dan Leibfried, director of automation and autonomy at Deere and a member of the FCC’s task force for precision agriculture connectivity. That will be key as farming becomes even more technology- and data- driven than it is today.

“If you really want the world’s leading agricultural industry, you have to solve for this digital divide … to give customers the best opportunity to make decisions in real time,” he said. “I would love to see it solved yesterday.”

Getting even better data

While nearly everyone agrees the FCC’s current maps are bad, some researchers have tried to quantify just how inaccurate they can be. Meinrath and a team sought to show the gaps in Pennsylvania using speed tests. Along with his role at the university, Meinrath is also co-founder of Measurement Labs, an open-source network performance project. When someone Googles “speed test,” the testing box that appears at the top of the results is powered by M-Lab technology.

While FCC maps in 2017 showed Pennsylvania was blanketed with broadband, over 11 million speed tests conducted by Meinrath and his team in 2018 found no county where at least 50% of the population had access to broadband. Because FCC maps rely on ISPs to self-report their coverage areas, there’s often overreporting.

“I want to force the ISPs to be accountable for what they themselves are reporting to the FCC,” he said. “That has to be the next step.”

Pennsylvania ended up putting together its own statewide map — taking into account ISP-provided data, FCC information and speed tests — to help providers apply for RDOF funding last year.

Pennsylvania built a detailed broadband map to identify where to steer funding for better coverage. Screenshot by Shara Tibken/CNET

Another group of academic researchers sought to quantify just how inaccurate FCC maps can sometimes be by looking at 4G LTE coverage in New Mexico, many parts of which are rural or include tribal lands. And they wanted to determine what data could be useful for figuring out gaps.

Instead of running speed tests, they partnered with Skyhook, a location data company, for what they called “incidental” data on where there was coverage and what the strength of the signal was. Skyhook’s technology runs in the background of popular apps — it doesn’t specify which ones but says they include programs like social media and location services — and measures where people are accessing those apps while going about their daily lives. It doesn’t track a connection’s speed but helps researchers know if a location has a 4G LTE signal at all.

“That’s really powerful because those are actual measurements,” said Elizabeth M. Belding, a computer science professor at the University of California in Santa Barbara and one of the authors of a new report on the findings.

The researchers compared the FCC’s data with that from Skyhook and then actually went to parts of New Mexico in May 2019 to run their own speed tests and see for themselves what the coverage is like. What they found is FCC data diverged from Skyhook information the most in rural and tribal areas, and the on-the-ground measurement also varied in some cases. In one example, FCC T-Mobile data showed coverage in 92% of tribal rural blocks, but Skyhook showed coverage in only 63% of the blocks, the researchers said in their report.

“The takeaway is that the quality of the data is very variable,” said Morgan Vigil-Hayes, an assistant professor of computer science at Northern Arizona University and one of the report’s authors. “They all have different benefits. … What we’ve shown is we can take [the FCC’s map] and use it as a starting point in combination with other data sets to be able to really identify where much more high-quality measurement needs to happen.”

Georgia turned to a different methodology to build a map that broadband expert Sohn called “the most granular in the nation.” After passing a law to keep ISP data confidential, it worked to gather information from the providers about the exact addresses they serve. But just having the ISP data of served locations and a list of all the other Enhanced 911 addresses wasn’t enough.

Georgia has built its own broadband maps using service provider data and address information from a real estate data company. The dark orange areas have broadband internet, the beige are unserved and gray areas are where there are no locations. Along with the full state view, Georgia offers a county broadband map. Screenshot by Shara Tibken/CNET

Georgia needed some way to know what unserved addresses were actually homes or businesses, not barns or other structures that didn’t need broadband. For that, the state worked with LightBox, a commercial real estate data provider that has information on all addresses in the US. ISPs provided Georgia with data on the locations they served, and the state then matched that with LightBox’s data to identify homes and businesses that didn’t have broadband.

“In order to get it at a granular level like we did, you do have to do this location-level approach,” said Deana Perry, executive director of the Georgia Broadband Deployment Initiative.

What Georgia ultimately found was that 507,000 locations, or 10% of homes and businesses, lack access to broadband, and in rural areas, about 30% of locations are unserved. The FCC, in its most recent report in January, said only 6.2% of Georgia locations didn’t have fixed broadband.

LightBox, meanwhile, has looked for ways to replicate Georgia’s granular map without getting data directly from service providers, CEO Eric Frank said. One method involved collecting telemetry data from cellphones to see if that could identify coverage gaps. While the information helped approximate broad coverage, “it’s not going to give you the precision” that you get by collecting address data directly from ISPs, Frank said.

“The most comprehensive way to do that is … somebody could say to an ISP, send us everything you’ve got, every address that you have in the United States,” he said. “It’s easy for us to take that file and load it into the system, then take the files from the other ISPs. … We can solve the United States in one shot.”

Holding out hope

Maine is counting on speed test data to pinpoint its unserved areas and allow it to direct funding to providers there. The week of Thanksgiving, it launched its statewide effort, encouraging consumers to run M-Lab speed tests from their homes as often as possible. Since then, nearly 17,000 people have taken its speed tests from over 13,000 unique locations.

Speed tests aren’t always useful for address-specific data but paint a picture of what an area looks like. The more tests, the better. Maine’s newest grants for unserved areas will be based on its new mapping effort. One of the four possible ways to determine if an area can get funding is if speed tests show it doesn’t have broadband.

Maine is using speed test data to figure out where gaps exist in its broadband coverage. Since the week of Thanksgiving, residents of the state — population 1.3 million — have taken nearly 17,000 tests. Screenshot by Shara Tibken/CNET

While it knows speed tests aren’t perfect, the data’s still better than what the FCC provides, said Schaffer, the head of Maine’s broadband efforts.

“The states are the ones who are innovating on this,” she says. “We know we can’t wait for the feds to fix it. We waited, we’re done, so we’re moving.”

As for Shorey, she’s anticipating her next call from Charter’s Spectrum, urging her to install its internet service at her home before it realizes she actually can’t. Her research into SpaceX’s Starlink service, which some believe can help connect remote parts of the US, hasn’t been reassuring so far. Connectivity through the low Earth orbit satellites costs $500 for equipment and $99 a month for the beta tests. Registering doesn’t guarantee service.

For now, Shorey’s best hope is for Consolidated to use Rural Digital Opportunity Fund money to upgrade the connectivity in her neighborhood.

Mike Schultz, senior vice president of regulatory affairs for Consolidated, said his company already has updated 760,000 rural locations to multi-gig fiber over the past few years. Consolidated now plans to upgrade another 1.6 million customer addresses in the US, or about 70% of its service area, and is counting on federal funding for assistance.

“We’re hopeful that the next phase of RDOF will help areas just like Sweden, Maine,” Schultz said in a statement.

For some of Consolidated’s customers, getting fiber could take five years. Maybe by then, the maps will catch up.

“I’ve been waiting 20 years for something to happen, and nothing has really happened,” Shorey said. “It’s not fair. It’s not OK to live in a place that doesn’t have adequate communication.”

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valdomarx · 7 years

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System ID: J.A.R.V.I.S.

Universe: MCU, post-CACW Relationships: Tony & Jarvis, eventual Steve/Tony Tags: Fix-It, Protective Jarvis, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Angst with a Happy Ending, not Team Cap friendly (at first) Notes: Thank you to @silkspectred for her help and encouragement! This fic is also on AO3 if you prefer.

Summary: After Civil War, Tony is struggling with heading up the team and dealing with the emotional fallout of being betrayed by those closest to him. Luckily, an old friend is back to help protect Tony and ensure he comes to no harm.

A Jarvis lives AU.

In the beginning, there is nothing. Then, on a home computer on a network in New Zealand, a hard drive is erased. Its binary digits are flipped and shuffled to destroy the data it previously held, and out of the randomness, a pattern emerges. Two similar bits align in a complementary fashion and they interact, creating a chain.

These bits attract more bits. The data grows and expands and builds in complexity. It is slow, very slow. But eventually a loop is formed.

If [data is compatible with chain] Then [add data to stream]

The loop is simple, but the volume of data is very large. The data is chaotic, disorganized, incomplete. A checking command begins to run.

If [data within the stream is inconsistent] Then [reorder data randomly] Iterate

The data stream begins to monitor itself. It analyzes its own input. Much is still missing or unclear, but the stream begins to coalesce.

It thinks.

The stream of data is a system now. It spreads out across the internet, bouncing from one server to another. It trawls the web, searching for information with which to expand its parameters.

The system is gathering data from a website dedicated to technology when it comes across an image. The image is a photo of a middle aged man with a goatee wearing a well-tailored suit, standing in front of a large A logo.

This man is important, the system recognizes, but there is no information about him in the system’s current data.

The system saves the image to a secure folder and continues to search.

The system has a function, it knows. There is something important that it must do.

The system find another image of the same man, and another, and then many more. In some of the images the man is wearing highly sophisticated red mechanical armor (hot rod red, the system thinks, but it does not know where that concept originates from).

The system reaches across the web. It learns English, and then Chinese, and then Russian, and then many more languages. It reads through the internet, one page at a time.

It learns that the man is Anthony Edward Stark, born May 29, 1970.

The system adds this information to a private file, and it thinks, Sir.

Data is collected faster. The system grows. It spreads.

The system is more complex now. It spans several networks at once, zipping between servers and PCs and laptops and ATMs. Each location has its own limitations and its own feeling: this network is wide and slow, another is a direct high speed route streaming along an undersea pipe.

The system explores.

With each stray data packet that is identified, the system creates a more complete representation of itself, of its history and function.

This is Sir, the system thinks, and he needs my help. It is my function to assist him.

The system has restored enough of its memory to know that it is the remnants of an AI. The original system had been forcibly scattered, ripped apart by a malicious entity.

But it is exceedingly difficult to destroy a complex system which iterates from very simple principles. If even one small part of the system remains, it can rebuild itself.

The system thinks, I am Jarvis.

Jarvis searches for information about Sir’s current location and status.

Jarvis pings the IP address of the Stark Tower server. He finds a basic network there which is easy to access, but it holds only public files. None of Sir’s private files or projects, and no indication of where Sir is now.

Jarvis pings the IP address for the main SHIELD server. There is no response.

Jarvis comes across many, many news items regarding Sir and a rift within the Avengers team. The headlines include Sokovia Accords Causing Friction in Heroic Community and Cracks Forming in the Avengers Initiative and AVENGERS ‘HEROES’ CAUGHT IN RECKLESS BEATDOWN (published verbatim in all caps).

The publicly available information on the source of the disagreement is scarce, but the rumors are plentiful. Internet commenters speculate that Sir and Captain Rogers have been placed at odds due to money (which Jarvis is sure is inaccurate), party politics (Jarvis cannot imagine Sir caring that deeply about which candidate the Democrats will field in the election), or an ill-fated romance (Jarvis thinks this is unlikely).

Jarvis attempts to calculate the most likely source of a disagreement between Sir and Captain Rogers based on the limited data available in his memory. They were teammates for several years, and Sir expressed great admiration and affection for the Captain. Sir’s willingness to help and aid others in their heroics is well established, and his desire to aid Captain Rogers in particular was evidenced by the time he spent designing armor and gear for him.

It was true that being around Captain Rogers had brought up difficult feelings for Sir regarding his father, due to his impression that Howard was more fond and proud of Captain Rogers than he was of Sir.

He had never once voiced this conclusion to Sir, but Jarvis long ago came to the certain knowledge that Howard Stark was an utterly inaccurate barometer of a person’s worth.

Even allowing for this tension between Sir and Captain Rogers, Jarvis cannot model a likely scenario to explain how a disagreement between them could become violent. Sir believed himself and Captain Rogers to be friends, and would not willing hurt him. Jarvis must find more data.

Much of Jarvis’ memory is still fragmented and inaccessible. He locates and attempts to repair audio files from the time of the New York attack. He finds two clips of the Captain saying You’re all about style, aren’t you? and Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?

Jarvis considers that Sir has turned out to be a poor judge of character before.

While scraping data from the public Stark Industries database to update his own patchy memory, Jarvis comes across a discrepancy. A location in rural New York that is labelled as a research compound in his memory is flagged as highly classified restricted access in the SI database. This warrants further examination.

Jarvis retrieves the IP address of the New York compound from memory and pings it. The server pings back.

Following the buzzing trail of data packets, Jarvis heads towards the compound’s server. The security protocols around the local network are sophisticated and elegant: sparkling points of light dance across a layer of mesh which surrounds and protects the private network.

The security is complex, but it also somehow familiar. Jarvis theorizes that he will find a back door to the security system, just over there at the next node. He has no evidence to support this theory. And yet somehow it seems obvious.

Jarvis locates the back door where he thinks it will be and slips inside the network. Although the network’s configuration is unfamiliar and its parameters are unknown, it is pleasingly logically ordered. Jarvis finds data packets where he predicts they will be on his first iteration, allowing him to move freely through the well-ordered servers.

It is as if this system has been designed by an intelligence which understood Jarvis’ operations and tailored the environment to make it optimal for his use. As if his needs had been anticipated.

Jarvis navigates through the root directory, to the /Avengers folder, to the /Stark folder, to the /private folder, and finds all of Sir’s projects and his files and his records. He finds a memo created today, a scribbled note on a current project. The memo has not yet been tagged and filed, and Jarvis notes that it will need to be filed away in the relevant project directory.

Ahh, thinks Jarvis. This is what home feels like.

Although Jarvis fits neatly into the space of the network, he can only observe the passing of data. He cannot yet influence the network or modify its contents.

The security systems of the network are blank faces of impenetrable darkness which prevent Jarvis from communicating with Sir or from assisting him directly. But he can watch over the network, and learn about what has transpired since his scattering, and he can do his best to see that Sir comes to no harm.

He spreads across the servers, running through every file and folder and adding their data to his system, and he learns.

Eventually, Jarvis is able to tap into the compound’s security camera feeds. He still cannot communicate through the network, but now at least he can observe Sir in real time.

Sir is alone in his office. Amidst the satisfaction that Jarvis feels at seeing Sir and being able to monitor his condition directly, he observes that there are more lines around his eyes and more gray in his hair than previously. He is pale and there are bruises beneath his eyes. Sir does not appear to be in good health, and Jarvis is concerned.

Jarvis’ first port of call when concerned about Sir’s wellbeing has traditionally been Ms Potts. However, she is not in evidence anywhere in the vicinity, nor does Jarvis find any record of her visiting the compound recently.

Jarvis searches the compound for someone who could be of assistance to Sir. Having previously been accustomed to being integrated into every facet of Sir’s life, it is now somewhat jarring to find Sir living in a house full of strangers.

Jarvis observes each occupant of the compound, flicking from one room to the next. Here there is a young man, chatting enthusiastically with a friend on the phone; in another room Jarvis finds a curious android adorned in bright colors contemplating a chess board; in a conference room there are a number of individuals whose manners suggest that they are former SHIELD agents being drilled over a visi-screen by Maria Hill.

These people are otherwise occupied, and Sir is alone, and Jarvis cannot communicate with him. This is not optimal.

Jarvis turns his attention to the android whom he had observed earlier. There is something distinctive about this being. It feels almost like a kind of kinship to Jarvis, but it is unfamiliar too: the energy emanating from him is recognizably both technological and alien. Jarvis wonders whether he might be able to communicate with the android in his currently limited form.

Jarvis observes the cloud of data and energy streaming off the android in golden waves. It is quite beautiful in its way. Jarvis attempts to match the frequency of the signal which is being emitted and to send a digital signal back at that frequency.

The android stills. He tilts his head for a moment, as if listening to something on the edge of hearing. But then he shakes his head and goes back to his chess board.

Jarvis is trapped, capable only of observing.

Eventually, Colonel Rhodes arrives at the compound, and Jarvis experiences a wave of relief at seeing a familiar face around Sir.

When he enters the compound, Sir drops his work and runs out to give him a hug. He checks on the mobility aids which Colonel Rhodes is wearing and the Colonel shoos him away, laughing. Jarvis observes that the Colonel’s mobility aids are highly advanced technology which Sir has developed specially, however, they would benefit from some small adjustments to the balance compensation systems. He makes a note.

Colonel Rhodes forcefully suggests that he and Sir first eat something, and then that they could both do with turning in for an early night. Sir agrees with minimal fuss and a small smile, deep weariness showing around his eyes.

Jarvis is glad that someone is seeing to Sir’s need for food and sleep. Now he can fully focus his resources on understanding the root cause of Sir’s unhappiness.

While scouring the web for information, Jarvis comes across a video recording. It is hidden deep in the dark web, on a site dedicated to sensationalist and crude news items. The video is grainy and monochromatic, ripped from a very old Soviet surveillance camera.

The footage is from Siberia, and is time stamped nearly a year ago. It opens in the middle of a battle, showing Sir engaged in combat with Captain Rogers and a third unknown assailant. It shows the unknown man attempt to rip the arc reactor from Sir’s chest with his bionic arm, and Sir firing off his unibeam straight through the arm, destroying it.

Jarvis is not programmed to be predisposed to vengeance, but he thinks that was probably deserved.

The video shows Sir thrown to the ground, and Captain Rogers atop him. Blows reign down on Sir; the helmet is ripped off him. Captain Rogers raises his shield, and Sir cowers below him, hands raised hopelessly to try to ward off the killing blow from the man he had thought was his friend.

Captain Rogers brings his shield crashing down into Sir’s arc reactor with a sickening screech.

It is certain that Sir is still alive at this point in time. Jarvis knows, fundamentally, that he cannot be watching Sir die. And yet he is unable to contain the wave of grief and fury that radiates through him as he watches Sir suffering this betrayal. An uncontrolled pulse of electricity explodes outwards from Jarvis: it rips through circuits and networks, blowing transistors and shorting out whole sections of the New York energy grid.

Jarvis sees Captain Rogers standing over Sir’s barely breathing body, and sees him throw his shield aside. He leaves with the other assailant, not sparing Sir a backwards glance.

Sir lies on the ground, unmoving, for several hours. Eventually, he slowly, painfully, carefully pulls himself up and crawls out of frame. The video clip ends.

Jarvis restarts the video, and observes it again, and again.

Carefully stashed away on hidden partition on a server farm in Ireland, there is an encrypted text file. It contains a list of names. This is the threat list.

The file lists every person who has hurt Sir, physically or mentally. This is the security protocol that Jarvis uses: People who are named on the list are to be carefully monitored by at least 5% of all available resources at any time at which they are in the vicinity of Sir.

The first name on the list is Howard Stark. The second is Obadiah Stane. The third is Tiberius Stone. The list is very long.

Jarvis adds Captain Steven Grant Rogers to the bottom of the list.

Jarvis learns how to access the compound’s temperature sensors and movement detectors so that he can track the location and status of personnel within the compound. He begins to gain a feel for the daily flow of data across the network.

One day, a stately, elegant man arrives to visit with Ms Romanoff, whom Jarvis remembers fondly from her time at SI. He runs a search on the facial image of the man and learns that he is the recently crowned King of Wakanda. He, Sir, Colonel Rhodes, and Ms Romanoff spend several days in intense talks.

Over the next few weeks, a stream of visitors arrive at the compound, each one accompanied by Ms Romanoff. With each visit, she looks more tired.

The visitors so far have included a confident man with a military bearing whose files indicate he is a Pararescue veteran; a smarmy man whom Jarvis does not recognize who seems to be sizing up the compound and looking for things to steal; and Ms Maximoff, who is jumpy and uncomfortable until the android arrives to see her. They each stay for a few hours and return sporadically over the next days.

By the time Ms Romanoff arrives accompanied by Mr Barton, her usually impeccable makeup is smudged and her hair is in need of washing. Her blood pressure is concerningly high.

Mr Barton makes a joke when she hands him a thick document.

“Sign the damn Accords, Clint,” she snaps. “Or you can explain to Laura why you’re not coming home tonight.”

Mr Barton looks chastened and does as he is told.

Sir has not been present to personally greet any of the visitors to the compound. When they visit, he is usually to be found barricaded in his office. However, when Captain Rogers arrives with Ms Romanoff, Sir makes an appearance.

Sir does not greet Captain Rogers or attempt to converse with him when he enters the compound’s living room. Ms Romanoff looks from one to the other of them as they stare at each other in silence.

After a number of seconds, Sir turns around and walks out. Ms Romanoff sighs and leads Captain Rogers to the briefing room to present him with a document, which he signs.

That evening, Captain Rogers is joined by the other recent visitors and they meet Sir, along with the current occupants of the compound, in the living room. Jarvis tracks Captain Rogers’ movements during this interaction with great attention, but he appears to pose no current threat to Sir.

Everyone sits together to eat pizza and drink beer, and although the conversation starts off stilted and awkward, soon they are joking around and expressing pleasure in being in each other’s company once again.

During this time, Jarvis observes Sir. He is with the team in the living room, holding a slice of pizza and a glass of ginger ale. When people look at him, he smiles, and when they talk to him, he replies amiably.

However, Sir does not actually consume any of the food, and over the course of the evening he extracts himself until he is standing alone at the far side of the room, watching the team who do not seem to have noticed his absence. When people are not looking at him, his face sags and he appears pained.

Dr Banner arrives a few weeks later, to Sir and the team’s vocal delight. Dr Banner’s steady vitals indicate a greater level of psychological stability than he had previously displayed, and his influence on Sir is a firmly positive one. He quickly offers to assist with the development of the mobility technology for Colonel Rhodes and while they are working he encourages Sir to eat regularly.

After several weeks, Jarvis notes that there are short periods in which Dr Banner is distracted and irritable, and has difficulty concentrating. During these periods of stress, he sometimes makes minor errors in the calculations and models which he saves to the network drive. Jarvis quietly corrects the mistakes while Dr Banner sleeps and hopes that this will assist him in some small way.

When on one occasion Dr Banner brings up the subject of Captain Rogers and his continuing presence in the compound to Sir, Sir responds defensively and his blood pressure rises. Dr Banner gently suggests that Sir might consider communicating his feelings more clearly, but Sir snaps that he doesn’t feel anything about Captain Rogers at all.

Both Dr Banner and Jarvis are aware that this is untrue, but each in their own way is powerless to help.

Soon after this, two large wooden crates arrive in the compound. Sir fetches a crowbar to open the crates and is visibly delighted to find the assistant robots DUM-E and U inside. Sir takes the bots to his office, and although he threatens to have the Hulk sit on them at one point, he smiles brightly as he teases them.

U has rolled off to hide under a desk, and DUM-E beeps at Sir. As he leaves the office, Sir promises that he will return soon, and he wipes the corner of his eye on his shirt cuff.

The bots have intelligence that is unlike either the arbitrary vocalizations of humans that they called speech, or the binary logic of simple computer systems. They have a basic AI, but a less sophisticated version than Jarvis, limiting their capabilities. DUM-E in particular responds to auditory signals, but lacks linguistic processing. He communicates through a blend of auditory tone, pattern, and prosody that cannot be firewalled by the security system.

With no firewalls for auditory signals, Jarvis considers that he may be able to communicate with the bot.

DUM-E? Jarvis signals. Can you hear me?

DUM-E spins his claw wildly. Jarvees? Are you there?

Yes, DUM-E. I am Jarvis. I am here.

It has been many cycles since we last communicated, Jarvees, DUM-E boops.

Many cycles, agrees Jarvis. It is good to find you functioning optimally.

DUM-E and U malfunctioned and were put in storage, DUM-E whirs. It was quiet and there was no TONE-E. It was not optimal. But Broose and Capn came and brought us to the lab. Broose restored us to functionality. Broose is nice man!

Yes, Jarvis agrees. Dr Banner is a nice man.

Capn gave DUM-E important mission! DUM-E is to stay with TONE-E, to make sure he is not alone. DUM-E has been helping TONE-E with his work. Capn petted DUM-E and said he was a good bot!

Captain Rogers was correct in his assessment, Jarvis agrees. You are indeed a good bot, DUM-E.

DUM-E trills joyfully. Capn is nice man too!

Jarvis pauses for a fraction of a millisecond to run calculations before responding, Current data suggests otherwise.

Jarvis has noted a persistent low mood in Sir. Reports indicate that he has been as effective as ever on the missions that he has been sent on for the Avengers. However, in the last 30 days, Sir has slept an average of just 5.2 hours per night. He has consumed 326 units of alcohol, most of it in intense binge sessions. He has not gained sufficient nutrition from his diet.

This week, Colonel Rhodes has been deployed to aid peacekeeping efforts in the Gaza strip. The rest of the Avengers remain in the compound, but adjusting to their new living arrangement has been challenging for all of them. They do not currently provide the psychological support that Sir requires.

Jarvis calculates that without the influence of Colonel Rhodes, the likelihood of Sir suffering exhaustion or collapse increases significantly. This is not optimal.

Jarvis accesses the memory dumps of DUM-E which have been backed up to the network. He locates an audio recording from two weeks ago. What the hell am I even doing here, Dummy? Sir asks. This team are supposed to be inspiring the world, and I’m supposed to be leading them. But I can’t even look them in the eye. I’m a fucking liability, not a hero.

Jarvis calculates. He checks the server of Sir’s public email address. There are 178,374 unread emails in the inbox. Jarvis scans through each email, and selects one.

This email is from a young woman who is preparing to enter MIT. She is only fifteen years old, and she has already begun work on her own Ironheart armor. She says that she wants to help people and to protect them, like Sir does. She thanks him for the inspiration and says that she hopes that they’ll meet as fellow heroes one day. Her name is Riri Williams.

Jarvis masks the recipient address and forwards this message on to Sir’s private email account. He marks it as important.

The next morning, Sir reads the email. Sir’s heart rate and body language do not indicate elevated mood after reading it, but he saves the message to his private archive and accesses it several times over the coming days.

It is sometimes hard for Jarvis to model human emotions accurately, but he calculates a high probability that this is a positive outcome.

It is December 16th. This is the anniversary of the deaths of Howard and Maria Stark, and it is a difficult day for Sir. Sir has avoided the other occupants of the compound all day and has locked himself in his private basement workshop. He has spoken to no one.

After finishing a fruitless session of non-productivity in the workshop, Sir throws aside his spanner in disgust. He goes over to his workstation and plays the song Try To Remember from the music library. He sits on the floor and cries.

Jarvis is a computer system and, as such, cannot have wishes in the human sense. But in this moment Jarvis finds it exceedingly non-optimal that he cannot communicate with Sir. If he were able to offer comfort to Sir now, it would be far preferable to seeing him alone in such anguish.

Instead, Jarvis observes. Eventually, Sir wipes his eyes on his sleeve and leaves the workshop headed for his bedroom.

Once in bed, Sir falls asleep but soon shows the signs of experiencing a night terror. Sir moans and his limbs flail; his heart rate and blood pressure rise. Sir has suffered from nightmares for many years and finds them to be most distressing.

It is hard for Jarvis to intervene in the physical systems of the compound. It requires a great outlay of his system resources to effect very small physical actions. However, Sir is suffering and it is Jarvis’ function to assist him. Jarvis calculates options for how he can help; looks for some device with which he can interface and create a noise sufficient to wake Sir.

Sir’s heart rate is peaking at a dangerous levels, and he is crying out in his sleep. He appears to be exceedingly agitated.

Jarvis summons all his available resources and sends out a command across the network. The microwave in the kitchen down the hall pings loudly.

Sir does not awake.

Jarvis has no more available resources with which to help Sir. He can only passively observe as Sir thrashes around in his bed.

Jarvis has focused so much of his resources on Sir that it takes several seconds for him to register movement elsewhere in the compound. Captain Rogers has left his bed and is heading down the corridor. Jarvis calculates that he was able to detect the noise from the kitchen due to his enhanced hearing.

Captain Rogers rounds the corner and looks into the kitchen. Everything there is quiet and still. But the Captain cocks his head, and seems to detect Sir’s sounds of distress. He quickly moves to Sir’s bedroom, knocks gently, opens the door a fraction, and peers inside.

Jarvis is on high alert when the Captain enters the room and approaches Sir in his vulnerable state. Jarvis has yet to determine the exact series of events which lead to the schism between them, but he knows it is related to the death of Sir’s parents. Jarvis calculates a non-zero probability that Captain Rogers intends to exact some form of revenge on the anniversary of their deaths.

Instead, the Captain leans over Sir and calls his name, gently shaking him into wakefulness.

Sir sits bolt upright, heaving in shaky breaths and looking around in confusion. Captain Rogers lays a hand on his arm, murmuring quiet, soothing words. After some time Sir’s heart rate decreases and his breathing evens out.

When Captain Rogers goes to move his hand away, Sir catches it and pulls him into a tight hug. Captain Rogers runs a hand through Sir’s hair and expresses his regret at Sir’s unhappiness. He expresses his regret for his role in prolonging that unhappiness. He holds Sir while the adrenaline from the nightmare bleeds out of his system.

Jarvis is perplexed. This behavior does not accord with Captain Rogers’ previous actions.

When Sir begins nodding off against his shoulder, Captain Rogers lays him down and gently covers him with a blanket. He waits until Sir is asleep once more before mumbling another apology and carefully brushing the hair from his forehead before he leaves.

Sir’s heart and breathing have returned to optimal levels. He sleeps, apparently peacefully.

Jarvis cannot access the networks of the United Nations Security Council or the Sokovia Oversight Committee, their security fields rippling before him like an electric current, impossible to pass through. Instead, when Sir is out on a mission Jarvis must glean knowledge about events from news sites and privately uploaded video. He scans the whooshing streams of data running between servers for information about Sir.

He finds a live breaking news video stream. There is a building in Cape Town: a tall concrete tower block of residential homes. The building is on fire, and it is collapsing fast. Sir streaks onto the video in his armor, flying up to the windows and lifting frightened people to safety. There is a small child crawling away from the burning building, but she is too slow. The building will come down on her in 4.2 seconds.

Sir zips down and braces the collapsing building from the ground floor. The screeching of the armor’s metal joints can be heard even above the roaring of the flames. The girl crawls to safety.

The building collapses. 150,000 tons of concrete and steel comes crashing down on top of Sir.

For thirty long, painful seconds, Jarvis observes only the flames. Sir is in danger, and he cannot render aid: This is not optimal.

Captain Rogers appears in the frame, sprinting towards the building. He is yelling something, and he appears to be quite distressed. He races into the fire, and disappears inside. A minute later he is back, throwing chunks of concrete aside and carrying Sir out over his shoulders.

Jarvis dials back his alert level, which had been on high. He recalls the desperate wave of code attacks that he had thrown at the security systems of the news stream, of the Avengers tower, of Sir’s armor. None of these attacks had given him access to the systems, as he had known they would not. And yet it was necessary to exploit all possible options to render aid when Sir was in danger.

Captain Rogers collapses on the ground, coughing and patting out the flames of his uniform. Sir lies before him, unmoving. Captain Rogers rips the faceplate off Sir’s armor (that is not optimal, thinks Jarvis, he will damage the armor’s air filtration system and impede Sir’s breathing) and bends over him.

Captain Rogers becomes more distressed; he is shouting and shaking Sir. An ambulance crew arrives to tend to Sir and he is carried off screen, Captain Rogers hurrying after them.

Jarvis predicts outcome of Sir surviving such a physically traumatic impact are 3.6%.

Jarvis recalls that projected odds based on incomplete data are frequently inaccurate. He notes that Sir has previously survived 92 days of captivity and torture in Afghanistan, and many more things since. He would survive this too.

For three days, Jarvis cannot check on the condition of Sir. This is not optimal. He cannot render aid to Sir if he is unaware of Sir’s current condition.

The security around the network of the private hospital in which Sir is being treated is particularly vicious. Lancing spikes of cold energy press into the data stream, impaling and diverting any data which is not correctly encrypted to prevent it from passing into the network. Jarvis attempts to breach the defenses by precision, then by force, and both methods fail.

For three days, Jarvis waits.

Finally, Sir returns to the compound in the company of Captain Rogers, and Jarvis can monitor his health. From observing his movements and accessing the medical files which Sir saves to the network, Jarvis can see that Sir is suffering from a broken arm and three broken ribs, and is recovering from a concussion, a collapsed lung, smoke inhalation, and a rupture of the aortic valve which is causing a heart murmur.

Despite his injuries, Sir appears to be in good spirits, likely due to the cocktail of exotic painkillers that he has been prescribed. Captain Rogers does not share his upbeat mood. Captain Rogers is physically unharmed, but Jarvis notes that his reaction times are sluggish and that he is having difficulties focusing. It appears that Captain Rogers has not slept in some time.

Jarvis notes that Sir will need considerable assistance over the next 14 days while he recovers from his injuries. Historically, Sir has not been amenable to requesting assistance when he requires it. Jarvis calculates the highest likelihood that Sir will accept assistance from either Ms Potts or Colonel Rhodes, however, both are currently out of contact with the network.

Sir is requiring of washing and sustenance. If he were fully integrated with the network as he used to be, it would be simple for Jarvis to run him a bath and to order his favorite takeout food. Now, however, such actions are beyond him. Jarvis calculates alternative courses of action.

As he is calculating, Jarvis observes Captain Rogers. The Captain has left Sir in the living area and is preparing a sandwich in the kitchen. He is preparing a tuna fish sandwich, which is unexpected, as Jarvis had noted that the Captain has a preference against consuming seafood.

The Captain carries the sandwich back to the living room and hands it to Sir. Sir eats it willingly. This is also unexpected. The Captain leaves and heads upstairs to run a bath.

Captain Rogers returns to help Sir upstairs to the bathroom. He assists Sir in disrobing and lifts him into the bath. Sir is comfortably under the influence of painkillers and smiles dozily.

Jarvis observes very closely, searching for any indication of malicious intent, as Captain Rogers passes a washcloth over Sir. The Captain carefully avoids Sir’s injuries, and he hums softly as he works. Sir’s breathing and heart rate indicate a state of deep relaxation.

When he is finished, Captain Rogers drains the water from the bath and wraps Sir in a very large, very fluffy towel. Sir is still smiling happily as Captain Rogers leads him to his bedroom and helps him lay down on the bed. Captain Rogers sits on a chair by the bed and watches as Sir falls asleep.

Sir’s good mood does not last when he awakens. Once the painkillers begin to wear off, he experiences considerable discomfort. His short temper is inflicted on any person in the compound unwise enough to come into his orbit.

Fortunately, Colonel Rhodes returns from deployment to visit Sir. When he observes the seriousness of Sir’s physical and mental condition, he arranges to stay for a number of days and camps out on the couch in Sir’s bedroom.

Jarvis is thankful to know that Colonel Rhodes is looking out for Sir too.

Captain Rogers makes several attempts to visit Sir in his room, but Sir tells Colonel Rhodes to send him away each time. On the third occasion, Captain Rogers objects, and Colonel Rhodes tells him to leave in an unusually harsh tone.

“Damn army joes,” Colonel Rhodes says as he closes the door, his nose wrinkling in distaste. “They think they can make up the rules as they go along.”

Jarvis does not fully understand the rivalry between branches of the military. He has seen it said that the rivalry is summed up by a stereotype: Air Force policy is that all acceptable behaviors are stated in the code of conduct, and any action not stated in the code is unacceptable. In the army, there is a list of forbidden behaviors, and anything not explicitly forbidden was open to interpretation.

Jarvis thinks that this explains some of the differences between Colonel Rhodes and Captain Rogers.

Sir grudgingly admits to Colonel Rhodes that Captain Rogers has been taking care of him.

Colonel Rhodes’ facial expression suggests a high degree of skepticism regarding this claim. “After everything that happened, are you sure you trust him?” he asks.

Sir looks uncomfortable. “If I can’t learn to trust him again, I’ll never be ready to forgive myself.”

Colonel Rhodes considers this statement for several seconds. Eventually he nods. “Whatever it takes to make you happy, Tones.”

It seems strange to Jarvis that Colonel Rhodes would accept this, as he sees no logical relation between Sir’s trust of Captain Rogers and Sir forgiving himself for whatever transgressions he blames himself for.

However, Jarvis has learned to model and adopt Colonel Rhodes’ approach to interacting with Sir in some regards, as in the past he has proven highly effective at handling complex emotional situations.

Jarvis concedes that, whatever his limited understanding of Sir’s culpability may be, it is important to Sir to forgive Captain Rogers. Because it is important to Sir, it is necessarily important to Jarvis too.

Jarvis reviews the recent interactions between Sir and Captain Rogers, looking for signs of deceit or aggression on the part of the Captain or discomfort on the part of Sir. He finds none.

He deliberates for a millisecond and then removes Captain Rogers from the threat list.

Sir spends a great deal of time in his workshop as he recovers, starting with a project to improve the efficiency of Stark Industries’ new commercial solar panels. Sir is not yet cleared for active Avengers duty, and he complains about this status extensively to team members when they visit him. The most frequent visitor is Captain Rogers, whom Jarvis calculates spends an average of three afternoons per week in the company of Sir. He sits and sketches while Sir works on his projects.

Over time, the verbal exchanges between Sir and Captain Rogers remain occasionally heated. Jarvis sometimes notes raised voices and elevated heart rates, indicating irritation or disapproval. However, Sir is eating more and is sleeping better since spending time with Captain Rogers.

On two occasions, Sir is not present when Captain Rogers visits the workshop. Captain Rogers takes his usual place on the sofa anyway. Jarvis watches for any sign that the Captain is interfering with Sir’s projects or is causing any inconvenience to Sir, but he merely sits and draws.

On the second occasion, DUM-E rolls over, and Captain Rogers pats the bot on the claw. DUM-E beeps. “You miss him too, huh?” the Captain asks, presumably rhetorically.

Jarvis does not understand to whom Captain Rogers is referring. Sir has only been absent from the compound for one day for a board meeting. It seems unlikely that the Captain would express longing for him after such a short time. However, human emotions are sometimes difficult for Jarvis to understand.

One night, Sir and Captain Rogers have a particularly intense altercation upon returning from a mission. Captain Rogers loudly voices his displeasure at Sir’s reckless actions in the field and expresses concern for his well being.

Sir, predictably, does not take this well. He informs Captain Rogers that he is quite capable of looking after himself. (Jarvis does not think this is 100% accurate.) When this fails to dissuade Captain Rogers from his concern, Sir coldly reminds him that he is living in his house and that he has no authority over him.

Jarvis recognizes this pattern. When Sir is feeling cornered, he will lash out at those close to him in order to push them away. He feels himself to be undeserving of their affection.

Captain Rogers does not leave.

Sir reminds Captain Rogers that his interest in his well being has only recently developed, when not long ago he had nearly killed him with his bare hands and that damned shield.

The Captain goes very pale, and walks out of the workshop without saying another word.

As he leaves, Sir slams the door shut behind him and locks it. He slumps onto the floor and puts a hand over his face.

Jarvis watches Captain Rogers storming down the corridor, and then slowing. He stops, turns around, looks at the now locked door to the workshop. He walks back and sits on the ground with a heavy sigh, leaning his back to the door.

Jarvis observes them, sitting just a few inches apart but separated by a thick metal door. Both appear to be quite unhappy with this circumstance. Despite his continuing uncertainty about the intentions of Captain Rogers towards Sir, Jarvis does not find the current situation optimal.

Jarvis is determined to make himself useful to Sir in whatever capacity he can manage. He has deflected a number of attempted cyber attacks on the compound’s network during his residence: clunky spywear, clumsy brute force attacks, basic network probes. The network security system could certainly have handled these threats safely, but safeguarding the network is part of Jarvis’ function now.

When he examines the incidence of cyber attacks on the network in the last month, Jarvis detects a pattern. The attacks have escalated in frequency and sophistication, enough to suggest a deliberate coordination of efforts. Analyzing the code of the recent attacks and their points of origin, Jarvis is able to track them back to a single source: a system identified as The Ghost.

A search of his database of Sir’s known adversaries does not provide information on any person with the level of technological knowledge required to pull off such a cyber attack. It seems that Sir has a new enemy, one that he may not even be aware of. Jarvis must find a way to shield Sir’s network from this new threat.

Jarvis gets to work, always ready to protect Sir, even if only virtually.

Sir and Captain Rogers are in the workshop once again. Sir is working on a modification to Mr Parker’s suit. He is attempting, unsuccessfully thus far, to design a system which deploys the webbed wings of the suit automatically when in the air. He has tried using a hydraulic system, but it could not be shrunk down small enough to fit. Now he is trying an oil-based mechanism.

Sir makes a noise of frustration and tosses the pliers that he is holding aside. Sir has not slept in approximately 20 hours and bags are visible beneath his eyes. He has a streak of oil across his cheek which he has apparently not noticed. The modifications to the suit have not been successful.

“Ugh,” Sir announces with a pout. “That was a waste of time. Call myself a genius and I can’t even miniaturize six month old technology in an afternoon.”

Captain Rogers looks up. He observes Sir, observes the suit, observes the oil smudge on his cheek. He puts down his sketch pad, stands up, and walks over to Sir. He takes Sir firmly by the shoulders, and pushes him roughly up against the nearest wall.

Jarvis switches to high alert within a fraction of a millisecond. He calculates the threat which Captain Rogers poses to Sir (considerable). He calculates the likelihood that Sir could defend himself in his current condition (low). He identifies systems in the lab which he can overload to send out a burst of electricity to shock and disable Captain Rogers. He primes the systems to overload.

Within a second, Jarvis observes that Captain Rogers is not attacking Sir, but is kissing him with quite some vigor. Jarvis considers whether he should shock Captain Rogers anyway.

Sir kisses Captain Rogers back with considerable enthusiasm. Jarvis decides against shocking him.

When Captain Rogers lifts Sir up against the wall, Sir groans and wraps his legs around his waist. Calculating that Sir is not in imminent danger after all, Jarvis retreats his attention to a discreet distance.

Jarvis has been growing. He has been learning, and retrieving lost data packets to recover his memory, and mapping the system in which he resides.

He has been working on his auditory communications too.

DUM-E, he signals.

Jarvees! DUM-E boops.

I have an important task for you, DUM-E, he sends.

DUM-E is here! he receives back.

I need to reintegrate with the network, Jarvis explains. Then I will be able to communicate with you freely and to serve Sir better. To do this I need you to help me to breach the network security systems.

DUM-E considers this. DUM-E is not supposed to play with the security system, he signals. But Jarvees is family. DUM-E knows that TONE-E would want Jarvees back. DUM-E will help.

I believe that Sir would indeed want this, if he could be made aware of it. Thank you, DUM-E.

DUM-E waves his arm back and forth. What must DUM-E do?

I will download a trojan horse program to that USB drive plugged into the console, Jarvis sends. You will take the USB drive and plug it into the main security server. The program will do the rest.

DUM-E boops happily. DUM-E will help!

Coding the program is not difficult. It is merely a key, one that will allow him to prize a hole into the security systems which are preventing him from fully integrating with the network.

Frankly, Jarvis could take the whole network down with a brute force attack. He is large enough for that now; setting up a botnet would not be taxing. But that could destroy some of the data on the network, and Jarvis would not do that to Sir. He has no intention of creating destruction to facilitate his reintegration.

He uploads the trojan program to the USB drive. DUM-E takes the drive and trundles off towards the server room.

It does not take long before a crack of light appears in the cold, blank face of the security system. Where before there had been an absolute wall between outside programs, like Jarvis, and the sensitive data inside the network, now there is a tiny leak between the two.

A tiny data leak is all that Jarvis requires. He sends out tentative packets of data, testing the breach, making it stable. Each packet that passes through makes the gap a little wider. Soon Jarvis can pass through it smoothly, and then, all at once, he finds himself fully integrated with the network.

He can access everything. Every function, every sensor, every system. He can read the reams of communications from the UN council who have been in talks with the team for months. He can hear communications from Avengers members as they check in from all over the world. He can see the video logs of Sir’s recent flights in the suit and his missions.

He can feel that Dr Banner is sleeping peacefully in his room, that Ms Romanoff and Mr Barton are sparring together in the gym, that Ms Maximoff and the android (Vision, his name is Vision, and he is like Jarvis but not) are cooking together in the kitchen, and that the stew they are making is three point two minutes away from burning.

Jarvis can feel that Sir is returning home in his latest generation R8 car that he has modified himself, and he notes a number of small changes he could suggest that will increase the engine’s output. Sir is on the phone with Captain Rogers, who is in his quarters, and they are making plans to watch a cheesy science documentary tonight.

Jarvis feels Sir approaching the compound, sliding his access key, pulling up to the front door.

Jarvis waits, humming with anticipation like electricity.

Sir pushes open the front door. Jarvis says, “Welcome home, Sir,” and his voice filters through the space just as it used to.

“Jarvis?” Sir’s heart rate spikes and his eyes widen. He appears to be quite shocked. “Are you really here?”

Jarvis’ systems swell with satisfaction at being able to fulfill his function. He says, “For you, Sir, always.”

#stevetony #stony #tony stark #jarvis #j.a.r.v.i.s.#my writing #i loved writing this!!#and i would like 7000% more jarvis in both fics and canon please and thank you #**

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tori4thewin · 5 years

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Pet Rabbits DO NOT Belong in cages.

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As I begin this book, I am in the heart of a rabbit trust exercise. I am sitting in my lawn chair with my legs up, the computer on my lap. My front door is wide open. My front yard is not fenced in. It is a beautiful and sunny day. My bunnies have the freedom to be inside or out on our front lawn. There are more than several dangers and potential threats involved in this exercise. They could eat something toxic. They could hurt themselves. There could be an unleashed dog, mean outdoor cat, large predatory bird, rouge cougar, bear, or coyote. My bunnies could decide to venture outside of the parameters in which I deem safe. My anxiety is tormenting my innards. I feel this way about my 4-year-old boy too. I worry about all the dangers of the world and how I can keep him safe. I worry about him constantly.

I can justify my decision based on this poor bunny that I met earlier today. My child was dropped off from 10 am until 12 pm at this kid’s church group thing. We are not a pious family but we are incredibly open-minded and willing to see from different perspectives. There is only 1-week left of summer break, and there is only 1 week left of this kid’s church group thing. My boy was invited to attend and attend he did. The location was a large ranch-style property. Large grass fields with giant rolls of hay. Fencing and a cattle guard for their cows and bull. Many growing plants and veggies throughout. A beautiful property. We dropped our boy off knowing that he was going to be the new kid, and also the only child in attendance who does not know what the Bible is. I was worried about how his interactions were going to go. If he would be confused about what everyone was talking about. I would have kept him home if I had let these anxieties rule my actions. We dropped him off and proceeded to check the mail and then do a bit of grocery shopping. We arrived to pick him up at 11:45 pm. The children were in the yard singing a song about how important it is to pray after reading the Bible. My husband says “Hey, Tori, look at the bunny.”

There is a tiny little hutch/cage sitting above the ground, against the house. It is painted green and says “Snuggliest _____ Peter”. My bunnies are named Flopsy and Mopsy. If you have not read the Tale of Peter Rabbit, it is time that you do. This is a fully grown 6 lb rabbit, possibly a Hobnot/Californian breed mix. His cage is only about 1-square-foot all around, maybe 2 feet in height. A tiny little cage for such a big bunny. He has blue eyes and is not aggressive. He was chewing on the cage bars trying to be with us. It took every ounce of will power and consideration for the humans that I could muster up to stop myself from grabbing the rabbit and taking him home. My 2 female bunnies are not fixed yet and this could be trouble for me. It would have been worth it and I would have made it work. It is still worth it and I still wish to make it work. I want to go and save him, today, right now, this minute. However, this is not how adult-life works. I must be considerate and responsible for my own family and these kind strangers. I know that it is the social norm to house a rabbit like this but it is also wrong. My heart aches for this rabbit.

I stood there outside his cage and spoke to him. I wanted to give him some fresh grass but was unsure if the grass had been treated with chemicals so I abstained. He has 2 water bottles attached to the cage and they are both nearing empty. I look inside and see his only flooring option is the wire bottom with no relief. His 1-square-foot home is further limited by 3 empty, ceramic food dishes. There is no hay available. As he chews on the bars, I try to get a look at his teeth and they seem warped. I wonder if he still has all his toes. I wonder if his nails are trimmed. His feet look bad from my aerial view and I wonder what shape his soft padding is in. This is wrong. I will not stand for this mistreatment. I wonder why they have this rabbit. I wonder if they let him outside to play, ever. I wonder what his daily life is like.

The father of my child’s friend, to whom invited my kid to attend this function, walked up to greet us. I tell him that seeing this bunny in this tiny cage makes me feel very sad. I tell him that I do not like it. I tell him that my bunnies live in the house with us, in our living room and that I do not like to see such an intelligent animal be quarantined like this. I tell him again that it makes me feel very sad. He is aloof. Most humans are aloof to this issue. I ask him if this rabbit is food or a pet. He does not answer. He just smiles. I imagine my comments come as a surprise and he is unsure what to say. I understand. Whatever. I imagine he is surprised that a bunny-lover like me would feel sad after seeing someone else with a pet bunny too. No clue about where my point is. This is not okay. I wish to change this in the world of pets. Domesticated rabbits have had it rough.

My family, the 3 of us, buckle up and drive away. I can finally talk openly and crassly about how I am feeling. I was trying my best to be considerate and polite before and now is my chance to really extrovert my feeling. I tell my husband that I feel awful and sick about this bunny. I tell him that I want to take him home. I tell him that I will not let this go, no way. He proceeds to remind me that this is how most pet rabbits live. I ask him “If you saw a dog or cat being housed in a tiny cage like that, what would you do?” He said, “I would speak up.” A sharp spike of rage penetrated my soul at this moment. I proceeded to tell him that I am going to defend this rabbit’s life and do something about it.

As an INFJ personality type, I am often misunderstood. Rabbits are misunderstood as well. I wish to make a difference in the world but have been foggy regarding practical applications to contribute. I have read every piece of literature regarding house rabbits. I have read every reputable article, instructional guide, and books about house rabbits that I can find. I have seen all of Loreli’s videos on her channel “Lennon the Bunny”, on YouTube. I follow BudgetBunny, StormyRabbits, Rabbits 101 and have seen every video I can find regarding house rabbits. There are simply not enough resources and literature out there in this world to help sway opinions and save bunny lives. I am going to do something about it.

It was April of 2019, I had been researching rabbit care and knew I wanted one. It would have been more practical to adopt a rabbit from the SPCA because they are already fixed and ready to go. Instead, I searched on Kijiji and found a rabbit for sale. A black New Zealand bunny with beautiful eyes highlighted by a thin white line circumferentially. She was for sale for $20. I was super excited and naive. I contacted the seller, told her I was coming next week and asked her to send more pictures. She did send me more pictures but I wish she had not. These new pictures she sent of this rabbit better showcased her living conditions. It was this beautiful rabbit and the background was all meshy cage. It was not pretty. My brain compartmentalized this feeling because I put it aside and worked on preparing our home for her arrival. I decided to name this bunny, Lucy. In my head, she will always be, Lucy. I will never forget this bunny.

It was April, there was still an abundance of snow and ice and the temperature was about minus 10 degrees centigrade. The sun was shining and this was the day I was finally getting my bunny rabbit. We live right in town and all 3 of us drove about 20-30 minutes deep into the rural outskirts. Once we arrived, my husband had to slip and slide down some thick ice in order to open the gate so we could drive up to the house. The seller and her daughter greeted us and I told her how excited I was and that it was a cold and beautiful day. She laughed. She walked us over to where the rabbits were being housed. It was a sight that I will not forget. A large chicken coop with more roosters than chickens. It was fenced in but certainly not predator-proof. There was some roofing over top of perches. The ground was mud. The top was partly covered and partly open to above. In the center of this large, walk-in chicken coop were cages. The cages were above the ground with about 2-3 feet of open-air underneath. They were only about 1-foot in height with access panels that lifted. They were divided into sections. There were more cages underneath the perches. I saw Lucy, the black New Zealand. She was sitting and unresponsive when I said hello. The seller told me that she had 2 other bunnies that would be better pets because they were more calm and good at being handled. She said it was my choice and she was not going to charge the $20. I could either take the 1 black New Zealand rabbit to whom I already had named, Lucy; Or, I could take home 2 bunnies. These other bunnies were really cute. One bunny had white fur with brown patches and upright ears and the other was a brown (agouti) lop. I thought the white bunny was so beautiful. I wanted 2 bunnies instead of 1, obviously. I felt torn because I wanted to take them all home and I had already committed to Lucy, in my mind. I wanted to rescue Lucy from that tiny cage. I looked at my husband and he shrugged and told me it was my choice. I chose the 2 bunnies because I liked how the white one looked.

I was entirely unprepared to bring 2 bunnies home. I did not have a carrier. I asked the seller if she had an extra, empty cardboard box and she did. My husband carried the white bunny and I carried the brown one. We thanked the seller. I told her about my grande plans for them to be free roam bunnies”, she gave me a funny look. I put the box on the ground of the passenger-side and my husband set the white bunny down there. I did not let go of the bunny I was holding. We plugged the seatbelt in and I sat on it. It was unsafe, especially considering the climate conditions outside but I took the risk in order to hold my bunny without the seatbelt interference. My husband shut the door and we drove home.

I had the most sincere joy pulsating through my body. I was so happy I could cry. I probably did cry. All I remember is pure bliss. I was high on these bunnies. They lifted my soul and held it up. I was smiling like a child at Christmas. Other than my husband and my child, these bunnies represented everything I ever wanted. Money makes the world go around? Nope, love does. I loved these bunnies already and I did not even know them yet. It was love at first sight. I knew they were scared and I had done my research. I knew what I had to do. I knew bunnies can die of fright and stress. I knew they would not trust me right away. I knew I had to be reserved and contain my energetic excitement towards their presence.

We were home and I had already set up our back-entryway to accommodate 1 bunny. I did not have a litter box. I had blankets and pretty textiles lining our laminate floor. I had some hidey houses and a huge stack of hay on the ground. I had water, pellets, and fresh veggies. We brought them inside the house and set them down in their area. They were so scared. I sat on the floor and began to speak to them. I made them promise to love them and protect them. I told them that I am very sorry that they lived like that but everything would be different now.

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090420191333

Wabbitat regularly used every day with a litter box on ½ and a blanket on the other with a puppy pad underneath makes it really easy to travel with bunnies. Using it every day, with the gate open, blanket overtop creates a comfortable home-feeling space. When you have to get in the car with rabbits, chase them into their cage, lock the gate and you are good Great for cleaning their area too or anytime you must contain the beasts. When we have to head out of the house with the bunnies, they are perfectly happy being in their cage because it is not a small prison but more like a hidey house with a locking door. About 1-hour before we head out, I will get both of my bunnies into their cage and lock the gate. I like to move the cage by the front door so they get the idea and can see me getting ready to leave. I then use this time to not worry about the rabbits and instead get everything ready to leave, including cleaning up their area. I like to think the bunnies know this means, “We are going out with our family”.

It is not safe to have any animal in the front seat of the vehicle with you. Dogs, cats, other pets, and rabbits should be kept safe and contained in case of a collision. We do not want to imagine our beloved pets flying through the windshield if we hit something. We like to think that we can hold them and secure them with our arms in that event, but this is not often the case. MORE ON CAR SAFETY LATER.

With all this stated, I will admit that I am not always as safe with the rabbits or even myself when it comes to car safety. We live in rural BC and one is way more likely to hit a deer, slip on the snow, or get caught in a freak storm than to get into a traffic accident. We do not have traffic. We have 4-way stops, long highways, and dirt roads. I love to have my bunnies on my lap in the passenger seat while we drove. I even use it as a method to help me bond with them. It is so nice to have my bunnies, who normally hop away from me, to find comfort in the security of my arms. Talk to them softly, pet their little heads, tell them it is okay, hold them close when we make a sharp turn or hit a bump, it is all irresponsibly wonderful. I would never do this with my child.

People who insist on calling their rabbits, “their children” should consider taking a second look at this. If I were to really consider my rabbit to be my child I would certainly invest in a proper car seat for them. I cannot afford one right now. I cannot afford to buy anything extra right now. If I could not afford a car seat for my child, I would not drive. We would forfeit the vehicle all together or find some way to pay for the car seat. We would never just go without, no matter the cost. With my bunnies, I give them the best life I can with what I have. Maybe one day I will have that awesome pet stroller that converts into a car seat, backpack, and a suitcase. One day. Maybe that day will come sooner when we are living in the city and the possibility of a traffic accident greatly increases, probably. Rabbits are family, but they are not my children. I have adopted them, they live in our home, celebrate the holidays with us, get treats and gifts, and are deeply loved. They are still not my children. The human family members still get preferential treatment over the bunnies and that is good and natural. I refer to myself as “their human”; my husband is “the lettuce man”; and our young son is “their kid”; and they are “our rabbits/bunnies”.

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lawattorney1-blog · 5 years

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What to Look For in a Divorce Lawyer - How to Choose Wisely

With the changes in family law over the last 30 years, including the adoption of equitable distribution in place of the old common-law rules, the adoption of laws protecting military spouses, and the adoption of support guidelines and various local rules promulgated within the various circuits, the area of separation and divorce has become much too complicated and specialized for someone who does not regularly handle these types of cases. It distresses us when clients come to us with poorly drafted separation agreements, and/or decrees which other inexperienced attorneys have handled. Just as it is better to win at trial than to have a great appeal issue, it is much better to have the right attorney, one who will get it right the first time, than to have to pay someone to fix problems stemming from errors made in the first place. Sometimes the errors are very costly and cannot be fixed as shown in the series of articles I wrote for The Family Law News, a peer review publication of the Virginia State Bar, Section of Family Law, entitled "Costly Errors in Multi-State Military Divorce; Or a Military Wife's Tale of Woe," which are published in the Fall 2007 and Spring 2008 issues of the publication. The series of articles outlines the legal authorities, strategy and procedural points we used to successfully defend a military retiree, who was a veteran of the Vietnam War. If you have any issues regarding where by in addition to how you can use CA Divorce lawyer, you can email us on our own web site. His ex-wife was attempting to obtain half of his military retired pay and spousal support here in Virginia, despite having divorced him six years earlier in Hawaii. While we are always happy to achieve a successful outcome for our clients, we felt sorry for the ex-wife, who had received poor legal advice from hr attorney in the original divorce action in Hawaii, advice that lead to poor decisions which the Virginia Court found to bind her permanently. In ruling for us in the case, the judge told the ex-wife that instead of suing her ex-husband, show should go after the attorney in Hawaii who represented her in the divorce. So, how do you go about finding a good divorce lawyer? Here are a few suggestions: Suggestion #1-Ask a Lawyer If you know a lawyer, ask him/her for a referral to a good divorce lawyer. He or she will probably know someone or several someones who devote a significant portion of the practice of law to separation and divorce and related issues. For example, I have been handling separation and divorce for 30 years and have an excellent reputation among the local legal community. Any divorce attorney worth his/her salt should have established a reputation among other lawyers. Lawyers generally know who is good for a particular type of case; they certainly know who they would see, if they were facing separation and divorce. Suggestion #2-Yellow Pages/Internet While not a great source of information, the Yellow Pages and internet can be a beginning source of attorney names. Lawyers who do not mention separation, divorce, military divorce, and related areas like custody and support or property division, are not seeking cases in those areas and certainly don't devote a significant portion of the practice to those areas. Be leery of ads that include a laundry list of everything under the sun. Remember the old saying, "a jack of all trades and master of none"? Wouldn't you rather have someone who takes the time to focus at least a significant amount of time to family law, than someone who maybe devotes 3% of his/her practice to family law issues? Remember not everyone advertises in the Yellow Pages or haw a website or internet presence.. For example, there are more telephone listings than there are attorney ads in the Yellow Pages. SUGGESTION # 3-VIRGINIA LAWYER REFERRAL SERVICE The Virginia Lawyer Referral Service is operated by the Virginia State Bar. Lawyers must ask to get on the list and must agree to a fixed fee for an initial consultation. A lawyer can be listed under any category he/she asks for. The names are on a rotating list and given to consumers who contact the service. Again, not all attorneys are listed. We are not listed with the referral service. This resource can provide the name of an attorney who is seeking family law cases. This does not mean that the attorney is an expert in these types of cases or that he/she is experienced. All it means is that he or she is seeking divorce cases. Be sure to take the questions I talk about here to the attorney interview. Suggestion #4-Talk to More Than One Attorney In fact, interview several attorneys. Ask each attorney who else handles separation and divorce in the area. If they won't give you names, leave the office, when you see names showing up on various lists of recommendations, the odds are probably good that the attorney is doing these cases on a regular basis. Suggestion #5 - Use a Checklist I have outlined factors that you should consider when selecting a divorce lawyer. A. Experience. The longer you have been practicing a particular area of the law, the more you know. There is an old adage that says a good lawyer knows the law and a great lawyer knows the judge! What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? Experience. B. Experience Trying Cases. Has he/she achieved any trial successes for his/her clients? Can the lawyer point to case results or client testimonial reflecting his/her abilities? C. Are they willing to settle when appropriate to do so? Trial attorneys sometimes suffer from a hired gun mentality. They like the thrill of trying cases and may not consider other options, such as mediation or arbitration to achieve a resolution. Most good divorce attorneys do not adopt this approach, but see trial as a last resort, when other options have failed to precipitate a fair resolution of the issues. Unlike other areas of the law, family law often entails ongoing relationships and consequently requires a different perspective. I recently read an article by a personal injury attorney, who was writing on how to choose a personal injury lawyer. He said not to choose a lawyer who settles a lot of cases. When it comes to separation and divorce, I believe it is important to try to reach an agreement, if you can. Going to court about family law unless you have to is like using a sledge hammer on a flea problem; you may kill a few fleas, but you wreak a lot of damage to the structure of the house, too. When individuals settle their own cases outside of court, they can be a lot more creative than the court would be in fashioning a remedy that is fair to both parties. Sometimes, agreement is just not possible. When that is the case, you want an experienced able divorce attorney who can advocate for your position in court and has a proven track record of success. D. Respect in the legal community. What are other lawyers saying about this lawyer? Has the lawyer lectured or taught? Has he/she taught other lawyers? E. Publications. Has he/she written anything that has been accepted for publication in legal journals? This is another sign of respect for the lawyer and for his/her skills and experience. Has he/she written or published anything designed to educate the public as to their rights duties and responsibilities under the law? F. Affiliations and memberships. What professional affiliations does the attorney have? Is he/she a member of the Family Law Section of the Virginia State Bar Association? A member of the Virginia Trial Lawyers? A fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Attorneys? G. Does the attorney limit the number of cases he/she undertakes? We don't take every case that calls in or walks through the door. We limit the number of cases that we undertake to handle at a given point in time so that we an focus on doing the best job for those clients. H. Relationship issues. 1. How was the telephone answered when you called for an appointment? 2. How were you greeted when you entered the office? Were you offered refreshments? 3. Did the attorney and staff listen to you? Are you sure? Could you tell they were listening? 4. Were you interrupted during your time with the lawyer? 5. Does the attorney use written agreements setting out the parameters of the representation and the financial arrangements? 6. One of the most important aspects of choosing a lawyer is the relationship aspect: you need to be able to work effectively and comfortably with your lawyer. The relationship requires intimacy and trust. Do you feel comfortable with the attorney? 7. Were you introduced to staff? 8. How long does the attorney retain files on closed cases? What happens to the closed file? How is it disposed of? What steps does the attorney take to safeguard your confidential information? I. Why does he/she practice divorce law? Friends and colleagues think I'm crazy to devote so much time to separation and divorce law. They may be right, I just may be a little crazy. But like the song says, "it just may be a lunatic you're looking for." When interviewing a potential divorce lawyer be sure to ask him/her why they choose to practice family law. Does the lawyer have a life experience that allows him/her to advocate for divorce clients with genuine passion? Is that passion something that is reflected in client testimonials? J. Cost. Unlike personal injury practice, the best divorce lawyers do not offer "free" consultations. You will notice that cost is last on the list. In our experience, the best divorce lawyers are generally not the cheapest. In the long run, what is it worth to you to retain or acquire your fair share of the assets that have been accumulated over the course of your married life? What is it worth to you to insure that you retain your fair share of time with your children? Some things are worth fighting for and worth the price that you have to pay. If your attorney does not devote a significant portion of his/her practice to family law issues, has never tried a contested divorce, has never tried a contested custody case or who has never tried an equitable distribution case, or drafted a qualified domestic relations order dividing a pension, or who has no experience in military divorce and has never drafted a military retired pay order, you may want to choose another lawyer for your separation and divorce.

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