#infidelity mention

[risingshine]

@starstruckxstray | x

"I don't trust myself in long, committed relationships, because I know people get hurt in 'em, I cause that hurt." Her eyes held the questioner, fearful yet searching for their reaction. "I did somethin' bad." She shuffled back and forth. Her eyes screwed shut. "I cheated. I know I what I was doin'. My friend, he was engaged, an' the woman didn't do nothin' ta deserve it. I betrayed her!" Her hands pressed against her blazing cheeks. She couldn't bear to look upon the other soul. "I didn't know her and I betrayed that trust...because I wanted ta feel wanted. I wanted ta feel beautiful, important, an' I slept wit' him." She felt as if she were shrinking, if only she could actually disappear. "I don't let myself in long term relationships since that."

"Hey, hey. I get it." Chiasa would start, warm paw on her shoulder in an attempt at consolation. "Deep breaths - its alright. So ya mucked up. Ya were in a rough spot and mad a bad choice. That doesn't mean ya doomed all ya future relationships."

"I mean, ya weren't the one in the relationship, right? Yes, what ya did wasn't right - but dont ya think that ya friend should've set the boundary, being teh one in the relationship? he betryaed that trust alot more than than you did."

The woman gave the other a light hug, from teh side - an attempt at keeping some boundaries from the full-on bearhug she was used to giving people.

"...but okay, say ya do have a penchant fa it - that when ya in a sore spot and wanna feel loved and wanted, ya end up sleeping with someone.

Maybe ya can just say that for a relationship? Like, ya can ask for an open relationship, or let someone know that 'hey, I struggle with cheating on people in the past: i am trying to do better, but there is the risk of that", and promise someone that if ya do cheat with someone, ya let them them know immediatly and upfront.

And if the relationship is still meant ta be, then ya will be able to work thorugh that with them, ne?"

[starstruckxstray]

"Just say it!" - relationships?

She breathed, her fingers nervously played with the mushroom on her choker.

"I don't trust myself in long, committed relationships, because I know people get hurt in 'em, I cause that hurt." Her eyes held the questioner, fearful yet searching for their reaction. "I did somethin' bad." She shuffled back and forth. Her eyes screwed shut. "I cheated. I know I what I was doin'. My friend, he was engaged, an' the woman didn't do nothin' ta deserve it. I betrayed her!"

Her hands pressed against her blazing cheeks. She couldn't bear to look upon the other soul. "I didn't know her and I betrayed that trust...because I wanted ta feel wanted. I wanted ta feel beautiful, important, an' I slept wit' him." She felt as if she were shrinking, if only she could actually disappear. "I don't let myself in long term relationships since that."

[starfoam-archive]

“Man, reading threads about dudes who cheat is... not good for my romantic inclinations. These guys suck.”

[technoxenoholic]

“someone once pretended to by polyamorous in order to get away with cheating on me and i’m still upset at polyamorous people for it”

that’s rough, buddy, but someone lying about being polyamorous in order to cheat on you has nothing to do with actual polyamorous people.

[grapesodatozier]

I think the worst part about how boring and gross adult bill is in the book is that like. just. how did stephen king come to that conclusion???? kid book bill is so compelling and complicated and passionate, like he’s like “oh there’s a demon clown who killed my brother?” *gun cocking sound* “not for fucking long.” like yeah he can be a dumb boy sometimes about not letting bev down in the smokehole, but eventually he recognizes that she’s one of the strongest people in the group. which reminds me that bills analyzing in a way that’s really fucked up, but that’s bc he’s going through some stuff that’s fucking him up!!!! bill talks to a magical turtle and evil itself all while having a complete meltdown bc guilt over his brothers death has completely consumed who he is and how he views himself all at the age of 11 and you’re telling me that guy turns out to be a normal boring guy who cheats on his wife???? like I know he forgets everything, but wouldn’t that all go bone deep, a constant low thrumming beneath his skin? idk maybe it’s just been too long since I read the book but I personally feel robbed

[paragonevil]

PSA ★ made a significant change to my rules. I’m copy/pasting it here because its’ VERY important to me that y’all know about this.

From the section in my rules called ‘Personal Limits / Cheating’:

In terms of my own triggers... there's just one worth mentioning. I ask you to please tag your cheating as cheating tw or infidelity tw. I've got both terms blacklisted. I'd really really appreciate it!

To elaborate on the above point without going too much in detail, the reason this is a trigger for me is because I tend to experience flashbacks / sensory memories / emotional memories associated with bad irl relationships when I have to write the above topic or even worse it's done to my character— particularly when it's done without any prior communication between us, the muns.

But it's more than just cheating that's upsetting to me. Unhealthy relationships, particularly those that are emotionally or psychologically abusive will call to mind those old feelings and memories for me. And this is where we're in a bit of a gray area. I can't expect you all to tag your unhealthy relationships, when it's such a commonly explored topic in rp and media— indeed, it's one that I may sometimes explore without too much depth on this blog too. All I ask is you communicate with me about what direction our ship might go, so I'll be better prepared to handle the subject if it comes up in our rps. Or, in an extreme case-by-case basis, even drop our rps if necessary to preserve my mental health. I hope you don't misconstrue this as me NOT having a willingness to explore the topic, but... I just want regular communication with you, the mun, if it IS something that's inevitable or that MAY come up just by the nature of our character's dynamic.

Thank you so much for your understanding.

Also this, which was copy/pasted from the section called ‘Dropping Threads’:

Godmodding, controlling my muse, or not writing nearly enough will likely end up with me dropping threads as well. As will springing a cheating plot on me without discussing it or at the very LEAST forewarning me first. If I drop a thread for one of those reasons, I will not revive it no matter how nicely I’m asked.

[skewed-logic]

ooc || Some Gideon headcanons to start my morning off right!

tw for mentions of the Christian faith, mentions of infidelity, and internalized homophobia

Also, full disclosure: Gideon’s views on sexuality do not reflect my own, and I will be doing my best to write that facet of him in a respectful way. He WILL NOT be acting h.omophobic towards other muses. His wariness is FULLY directed at himself / his own feelings / his own orientation. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, all posts exploring that facet of his character will be tagged ‘internalized homophobia implication’.

Despite being very perceptive, if stuck with an unfaithful / bad partner, Gideon will do everything in his power to pretend he doesn’t see what’s going on right in front of him, simply because he’s still holding onto the idea that someone out there will love him as much as he loves them. That said, if presented with irrefutable evidence of his partner’s wrongdoings he’ll finally admit that he knew the whole time and just didn’t want to believe it.

If he develops feelings for someone while still dating another person, he’ll evaluate his relationship with his current partner and try to care about them more in an effort to not break their heart. But if he does for sure wind up caring about that other person more, he’ll break up with his current partner before pursuing the newcomer.

On that note... generally speaking, when he breaks up with someone he’s pretty gentle about it, if up to this point in the relationship things have been ok but not bad. But if they were unfaithful / bad to him then he can and will be emotional / blunt with them when he breaks up with them.

Despite never having lived in the South, Gideon has adopted his dad’s accent / manner of speaking. He’s latched onto the cowboy / country-singer persona simply because it appeals to him, and no other reason. He knows he may seem a little strange to folks round these parts, but that doesn’t bother him too much-- as long as people don’t comment on it, because then he can and will call them on being ignorant.

In line with his fascination w Southern culture, he commissioned horse riding lessons and roping lessons when he was quite young. In terms of sports, he sometimes watches football and cattle-roping on tv. He’s never participated in roping, though he does play football on his highschool team. He also unironically loves country music, flannel ( low key ), cowboy boots, and blue jeans. He likes sequined leather jackets with tassels on them, too. His favorite brand of cowboy boots is Ariat. ( and yes, that’s a real brand! )

Although his first canon appearance in the show demonstrates his talent for singing / dancing / performing, I’m going to take it one step further and say he sometimes performs in local bars when he’s free and he feels like it. This is more along the lines of a passion than a career for him, and he mostly does it for fun rather than achieving stardom. Of course, I’m sure you can guess what genre of music he’s best at / prefers to sing. Country, of course!

He loves to perform for his partners, singing to them and dancing for them / with them. You can bet he knows how to line dance AND square dance! And he’s pretty damn good at it, too.

A guilty pleasure of his in regards to country music would be Shania Twain.

Although he was raised Christian, his knowledge and give-a-shit for the Christian faith borders that of an agnostic. There’s a lot of aspects of his faith which he disagrees with, particularly the Bible’s stance on gay rights. In fact, the hear-ye-hear-ye “you’re going to hell” speeches in regards to that subject is 99% of the reason he turned from the faith in the first place. That said, he has his suspicions about his sexuality, though he doesn’t know for certain yet, and is actually somewhat afraid of the truth on that matter because of the way he was raised. Although his relationship with his family is at times strained ( mostly because they’re afraid of him / his rages ) he’s actually quite afraid of what they’ll think of him / say to him if he should ever claim such a label for himself. So until he knows for certain on that front, he’s keeping it to himself.

[themalhambird]

Richard/Anne, 25

You’re not supposed to stay here, but you do anyway because- as you’ve put it these last two years- you’re the King and you can sleep where you like. It’s always made me laugh: your proclamation of your own awe-inspiring kingly magnificence and authority while you snuggle down beneath half a dozen blankets and wrap your arm around me, putting your head on my shoulder with your curls all awry about your beaming face. But I can’t help wondering, now, if you say that to him, too- you’re the King, and you can sleep where you like, even in the bed of another man- even in the embrace of another man…

You’ve sworn to me that it doesn’t change anything between us- that just because I know now that you lay with the Earl of Oxford before you ever even laid eyes on me it doesn’t mean that you were lying when you said that you love me with everything you have, and that you love me more with every day that passes. You’ve gone to your hands and knees at my feet and begged my forgiveness for keeping from me that I am not the only one you love like that. And I believe you, and I have forgiven you, but still I can’t help but wonder if things can go back to quite the way they were before.

I stare up at the canopy, shifting restlessly. You make a discontented noise in your throat as I edge away from you and tighten your grip, wriggling back up against my side. I sigh, and pull the blankets we’ve dislodged back up around your shoulders. If you get cold, you’ll wake up, if you wake up, you’ll be grumpy, and your uncles don’t find your petulant, tired scowling as sweet as I do. You nuzzle my neck in your sleep. “Love you,” you sigh, and I freeze, the silence impossibly loud as I wait to hear if you say any more. 

“Love you, Anna,” you sigh again. “Love my darling…wonderful, beautiful wife…” You squeeze me, then abruptly roll away to the other side of the bed. “Rabbits in the forest!” you declare, “Stags running but she can’t go quickly enough and Uncle Lancaster’s s–”omething something something that dissolves in to unintelligible mumblings as a smile spreads across my face and a weight I didn’t know had settled there lifts off my shoulders. I crawl back towards you and reach out to retrieve you, rolling on you on to your back so that you’re not balanced right on the mattress edge. I stroke your face and lay on my side beside you, wrapping my arm around you so that I can keep you safe from falling. “What about Uncle Lancaster, sweetheart?” I ask you with more than a spark of mischief- you come out with the funniest things when you talk in sleep. 

“Uncle Lancaster’s stuck in the swamp again,” You mumble, looking blissfully amused. “Uncle York threw him in.”

I smile, letting my eyes drift shut. “Why did he do that?” I ask, and listen to you ramble with love overflowing me heart as I fall to sleep next to you

[a-darling-thing]

1/2: Hi. I hope you don't mind my sending this. I felt like sharing with someone in the fandom who I respect, and whose blog and writing I enjoy. This will probably end up sounding so weird. I recently read a fic and it had a very negative effect on me. John was injured during one of their cases and found an assistant for Sherlock, a woman, who Sherlock went on to have a three month affair with. He cheated on John. Writer was brilliant, and it was so otherwise in character, I could believe it.

2/2: It traumatised me. It was haunting. I was sobbing like a baby throughout. Never, ever reacted that strongly to fic before. At the moment (hoping it’ll pass) it has ruined them for me. I can’t get it out of my head. I’ve always thought of these two as the perfect couple. Would never hurt each other, there’s no one else. That’s what I’ve always loved about them. But this fic… I finished it hating Sherlock for his cruelty. Do you think he’d be capable of this? Sorry for sounding like a loon.

Hi Nonny,

I suppose it’s a testament to the writer’s skill that they were able to suck you so thoroughly into that AU, that you were affected that deeply, and that it’s stuck with you all this time and even coloured your feelings about the characters.  Some stories do have a way of sticking  with us, either because of the author’s talent, or because it touches on stuff in our own life, or sometimes both.  I know that infidelity can be a trigger for a lot of folks, and it can be even harder when the character committing that infidelity is a character you love deeply, admire, or maybe even project on.  I know I certainly have a handful of hard ‘nope’ topics I can’t read in johnlock fics.

As for whether I personally think ACD or even BBC canon Sherlock is capable of cheating on John with a woman, I would have to say no, because first and foremost he reads as gay to me.  Secondly, he doesn’t seem the sort wired to commit infidelity.  Of course if the author is writing their own AU anything is possible in the universe they create, and I guess each reader gets to judge for themselves whether Sherlock cheating on John with a woman was believable and made sense within the framework the author built in their AU.

But, what it mostly boils down to in the end, is how do you read John and Sherlock?  How do you read their relationship?  That should be your baseline.  That’s your truth.  Other writers can create hundreds of variations on these characters, and some of them might be quite talented, and weave worlds that feel very real when you are in them.  But, you always get to come back to your John and Sherlock at the end of the day.  They belong to you as much as to anyone else.  Believe them to be what you imagine them to be, and they are.

Hope that helps.

[iamanasymptote]

I am a ‘Terrible Person’

I am a terrible person. This is something I know, something I’ve come to live with, something that I probably can change but won’t. There are people that will say that this is fishing for reassurance and there are people who will provide reassurance. I don’t want it. I am a terrible person, and you don’t know me enough to say otherwise. Let me educate you. I have a girlfriend. The love of my life. Someone I could and would spend forever talking to and being with. I love her to death, and yet…. I haven’t been completely honest with her. She isn’t the only person I love. She can’t be the only person I love. Maybe it’s because of trauma, because I can’t be alone. More likely though is the fact that I can’t trust anyone. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it, but if it ain’t fixable why try? I am keeping secrets from her. Secrets of the girl I look for whenever I’m at school, secrets of the girl with cactus eyes and sad smiles. Secrets I can’t bear to tell because it would hurt everyone so much. I’m keeping more secrets too. Secrets of the girl who I call my sister, but long for. Secrets of the girl I would sell my soul for; I could make her happy. Secrets of a girl I get jealous over, and secrets of the girl that I burrow into when I can do nothing else but cry. Words tumble out of my mouth and she doesn’t know what they mean. Maybe she doesn’t even care. I am keeping secrets from my girlfriend, but I can not speak them. I can not let them out. I can’t tell them to anyone, except I already have. Everyone knows my secrets but the girl who should. The girl I should be totally devoted to. The girl I will spend the rest of my life with. Don’t get me wrong. I am devoted to her. I brush off advances made by others, whether queer girls or straight but attractive males. I would never ever break up with my sunbeam, and I would never ever try to hurt her. But I love others. I’m wired to love more than one person. I have been for a long time. I’m not a cheater. I never would flirt with someone else, never kiss them, never actually cheat. But the idea of them still runs through my head. They stand close and I breathe them in and I kick myself because I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. But the feelings linger and my dreams betray me. People run through my brain and I shut it down as fast as possible. But the seeds are still there. I’m a poisoned root. I’m going to end up hurting her because I can only offer her the pieces of my heart that are left. I can’t offer the whole thing. She will always be first though, and I choose her. I always choose her. But… Maybe she shouldn’t choose me. Choose the broken person with trust issues, with issues of singularity, with dreams of more than just her holding my hand. People make me happy and I love them and I… I am a terrible person.

[yoursummerfrost]

ceylon tea, flowering tea

Tea-based asks!

Ceylon tea: Do you have a song you like, but have bad memories with? This is hilariously complicated but “Animals” by Neon Trees was the song my ex had for his ex that he then cheated on me with, so for a long time it bothered me a lot, but then one time it came on the car while I was driving him somewhere after she dumped him again and I got to turn it up in super petty vindictiveness and it was fucking glorious so I’ve mostly reclaimed it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyway.

Flowering tea: What is a movie you can always watch? The Way He Looks will always fill me with unbridled joy. It’s such a fucking amazing movie. 

[hellblazed-blog1]

// thanks @ Blythe for planting the idea of John crashing weddings in my head

totally that asshole that flirts with the whole bridal party, sleeps with the bride

[johnhenrywatsonholmes]

I know that I'm just someone who follows your blog, that I don't know you irl, but I think you're a brave, kind, remarkable man. You've saved lives. You make Sherlock radiantly happy. You're a good father and a good brother. You're invaluable to many people. You're not your traumas. You're not your injuries. Blimey, I do sound like some kind of self-help book, don't I? ;) Anyway, it's all true. Have a good night, John.

Thanks.  This is really kind.  Wish I could believe all that, but it’s hard, especially when my trauma have contributed to me hurting people I love, and because some of the people I have supposedly ‘helped’ don’t seem all that grateful for that help.  Some probably wish I’d not bothered, you know, and to be fair were probably better off without it.  

Blokes don’t usually thank you for amputating a leg, or accidentally killing their mum during hip surgery.  

Your sister doesn’t usually thank you for letting her know that you were one of a few people her wife was sleeping with, or taking her booze when it’s the only thing keeping her from wanting to kill you, or constantly checking in on her about her drinking when she has not really interested in quitting.  

Your mum doesn’t much thank you for finally working up the courage to beat the shite out of your own dad (and the man she still loved despite the fact that he was a fucking monster) rather than sit back and let him hit her.

I--Jesus.  Sorry.  Sorry.  I just--tonight isn’t a good night.  Just ignore me, I guess.

[paragonevil]

PSA / ooc ★ Ok so in regards to the shitstorm that went down towards the end of last night... Firstly, I’m stone cold sober now so please accept my humble apology not fueled on guilt and bitterness— as the apology I offered last night was. As I’m sure some of you have since gathered, I’ve been going thru it irl lately and when Aku got mad last night it was all too easy for me to project, considering the stuff I’m going thru / what’s bothering me irl is unfortunately similar to the things Aku is feeling with Rick.

Anyways. I won’t give you the whole story. Not only is it long but it’s personal and. Yeah.

That said, I’ve put measures in place to ensure the thing from last night doesn’t go down again. I’ve deleted certain ic posts that are too close to irl feelings— lol, read: most of them. Furthermore, as I mentioned in my since-deleted and rather incoherent apology post of which this is a reprisal: I’ve softblocked a few people that were too close to the situation. People that were genuinely upsetting ooc for me to see on dash.

Last night was helpful also for my long-in-coming realization that unhealthy relationships and cheating in particular are an incredibly difficult topic for me to rp ( way too close to irl things I’ve gone thru ) and as such I’m going to be doing my absolute best to NOT write those topics as in-depth anymore. I’ll even be adding a clause to my rules about it. A friend of mine said it best last night when they reminded me that rp shouldn’t be genuinely upsetting, and I was wrong for forcing myself to keep writing this despite literally experiencing flashbacks / sensory memories of certain bad relationships I’ve gone thru irl.

Will make a post here in a minute letting you know how my rules have changed after I make that addition. But here’s one guaranteed tweak right now: Please god, TAG your cheating. cheating tw and infidelity tw will suffice. Thank you so much for your understanding.

[adjudicxtor]

((ooc: I DON'T MEAN TO BE THAT PERSON LIKE STOP HAVING FUN GUYS, but some people very close to me have been personally hurt by infidelity including myself. Once Ian and Peter get together please don't send in asks hinting that Ian is cheating on Peter because it makes me extremely uncomfortable. x.x Like right now you guys are okay because they're not together, but yeah sorry about that folks real life just makes this a sensitive subject.))

((It makes me uncomfortable as well, so it would be best to refrain from those sort of asks, or any asks that would provoke jealousy on Peter’s behalf. This is because I am trying to steer him away from that sort of thing since it was prevalent in his canon with regards to Alice.

You guys can still send asks, though, and we’re not mad at you! Just please refrain from sending those kinds of things.))

[knxckleskissed-blog]

me, on vday: [should probs want cute stuff for melody] me, actually: i want an au of this