#insecure!bucky barnes

[purple-babygirl]

welcome baaaack! i missed you so much

i've been here since forever and i remember a very long time ago that you promised us insecure chubby bucky. i never forget and i'm still waiting for him (when you get time for sure). i would love to read that whenever you right it! otherwise i'm really happy you're back again.

much love purple<3

Pairing: Insecure!Chubby!Chef!Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Word Count: 4,180

Summary: Bucky runs into his ex, who manages to mess with his head, bringing his insecurities to the surface again. His girl takes it upon herself to show him how perfect he is.

Warnings: 18+ content, bullying (sort of), fat shaming, negative self body image, insecurities, intrusive thoughts, mentions of cheating, a little crying, a little angst, smut, unprotected vaginal sex, cum, multiple orgasms

A/N: Nonnie, omg, you have been here a long time! I love and appreciate you so so much and I can't believe you stuck around for so long wow:"💜💜 Thank you so much for existing and for being here you're the reason I don't wanna leave again💜💜💜 Here's one insecure chubby bucky for you, I hope you like this one and that I did a good job💜 Thank you again ilyyy, please enjoyxx💜💜(y'all i think i forgot how to write smut what is wrong with me)

~

perfect to me

“I’m so sorry, baby, I have to run,” she told him after checking her phone, pecking his lips and taking quick steps down the aisle of the large store.

Bucky smiled, taking another fruit plate and placing it in their cart. His girl was such a hard worker and he couldn’t be prouder.

It was going to be Christmas soon and his girl was still working hard so Bucky was going to make her the best holiday food she’s ever tasted.

He was focused on picking the freshest cranberries when he heard a scoff, a very familiar one.

“Hey, Ryan,” Bucky sighed, not really wanting to ruin his good mood, as he turned around to meet a face he knew too well.

“What does she owe you?” said Ryan, tilting his head with a smirk.

“What?!”

“There’s no way this chick is seeing you. I figured she must owe you and is just paying her debt!” He smirked further, not even trying to hide his gloating when he saw that his words still had an effect on Bucky.

“My relationship with her is none of your business.” Bucky’s voice was suddenly low as his eyes stared down at the contents of the cart.

“But my relationship with you is.” Ryan put a finger under Bucky’s chin but the latter took a step away.

“We don’t have a relationship. You cheated on me, remember? I was too fat for you.” Bucky’s shaky voice moved nothing inside Ryan. If anything Ryan wanted more.

“And now you’re too fat for her.”

“Shut up. She is nothing like you.”

“Really? Do you even know where she goes when she leaves you? Where she is right now, for example?” Ryan smirked.

“She got called into work and had to run to the office.” Bucky knew he owed him nothing and if he was in his right mind he wouldn’t have went through a conversation with Ryan at all, but he wasn’t.

“How are you still so naïve?” He laughed heartily as if Bucky’s misery was actually amusing to him.

“Leave me alone.” Bucky tried to push the shopping cart and walk away, but Ryan stepped before him.

“I didn’t know your publisher lived in an office.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She leaves you to go fuck your publisher. You know him, black guy, sexily built, very handsome.”

The words left Bucky feeling lightheaded as the world seemed to twirl around him. Could history be repeating itself? No, not this time. His girl was not like that.

“I saw her coming to his building with him.”

“How’d you even-”

“I wait tables in the restaurant across the street from his apartment. I didn’t know she was with you but damn are you lucky you met me today!” Ryan laughed insensitively.

“It’s probably someone else.”

“I think I know what your publisher looks like.”

“You’re lying,” Bucky chocked out, trying to get out of Ryan’s way.

“You don’t sound so sure about that.” Ryan tilted his head again with a smug smirk, poking Bucky’s tummy, “you know why? Because deep down you know she’s too sexy for you. Because you look at her and then at yourself and you can’t figure out why she’d want you. Because you know that sooner or later she’s gonna get tired of your fat ass and—”

“My life now is none of your business, Ryan. You left. You chose to go, so stay gone.” Bucky’s weak voice interrupted, shutting Ryan right up before he sped out of the store, leaving the groceries behind.

“You’ll come back to me when you see for yourself!” He shouted after Bucky, but he didn’t stop nor turn back.

The questions he had raised in Bucky’s head, Bucky had no answers for them himself. Why was this sweet girl with him? What did she see in him? Anyone who met them thought the same thing: they didn’t belong together. So what did she see differently? What was Bucky bringing to their relationship? Could he even satisfy her? Could he keep her fulfilled?

He thought the days where Ryan messed with his head were long gone but he was obviously mistaken. Ryan could still easily hurt him. He could still make him feel as large as an elephant yet smaller than an insect. The dagger he’d planted was in so deep that Bucky couldn’t feel anything but the pain the stab brought.

~

His ex’s words plagued his mind. They took over and drowned out his girl’s voice, pushing it to the background.

All of a sudden, Bucky was very aware of his size, of the way the couch made the slightest sounds under his weight, and the way his girl could fit her whole self on one of his thighs if she wanted to.

“Bucky bear?” A hand on his cheek pulled him out of his thoughts.

Suddenly, he hated the words she nicknamed him with. Bear? Is that how big she thought he was?

“Hmm?”

“I was asking if you wanna go shopping for last minute gifts with me tomorrow,” she repeated, smiling sweetly, her fingers brushing a few hairs back and behind Bucky’s ear as she yawned.

Bucky’s new cookbook became a best seller after one week of release and the publication house was throwing the amazing chef a party.

She couldn’t be prouder and she wanted to support Bucky all the way. She loved Christmas and now it was going to be even better with this event added to their memories.

She was going to go all out for her man and he didn’t even know it. It was going to be a huge surprise and she couldn’t wait to make it happen.

“Yeah, why not,” Bucky replied, faking a smile back.

“What were you busy thinking about?” Her thumb traced his stubbly cheek as she frowned worriedly.

For a wonderfully successful cook, Bucky didn’t look so happy.

“You,” he answered with the truth though his eyes didn’t sparkle like they usually would at the thought of her.

“What about me?” Her smile returned as she stared lovingly at Bucky’s face.

“Why are you with me?” Bucky couldn’t hide the sorrow in his voice if he tried.

“What?” She sat up straight in his lap as her face fell.

“Please don’t make me repeat the question.”

“Buck, where’s this coming from?” Her hands cupped both his cheeks.

“I just don’t get it.” He shook his head, swallowing as his hands removed hers from his face.

“Don’t get what?!” She placed her hands on Bucky’s chest instead, refusing to let him push her away.

“Why you’re here!”

“I’m here because I love you, what’s hard to get, baby?”

“Do you really love me?”

This was serious. She’s never seen her boyfriend look so broken.

“James, what’s going on?”

“Answer the question, plum,” Bucky requested, the back of his fingers stroking over her cheek, knowing this was probably the last time he would get to touch her soft skin.

“Of course I love you!”

“Then why do you leave me to go meet Sam and then lie to me about it?!” Bucky unintentionally raised his voice.

“W—what?”

There were so many emotions overwhelming her and none of them was pleasant.

She was shocked, hurt and dejected. Bucky has never raised his voice at her before.

 “What were you doing together last night? And the night before and the night before that?!”

“Bucky, you’ve got it all wrong.” She shook her head, heartbroken that Bucky would think of her like that.

“Please leave.” He slid her off his lap and stood up, turning his back to her.

“Bucky.” Tears pricked her eyes.

“Leave, plum.”

“Bucky, me and Sam were—”

“If you won’t leave then I will.” Bucky sped to the door, grabbing his jacket from where it was hanged.

The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of her too. He’s already shown his weakness once; never again.

“Bucky!”

He ignored her calls, ready to run out of the door and let his legs take him far away where he’d have to hear no lies and could no longer get hurt.

“James Bucky Barnes, don’t you dare walk out on me!” She blocked the door, preventing Bucky from exiting the apartment.

Her eyes glistened with yet to be shed tears as her heart pounded in her chest. The mere idea of losing Bucky for any reason terrified her more than anything else.

She loved the man with her heart and soul and would go to the ends of the Earth for his sake. Why couldn’t he see that?

“I didn’t wanna ruin the surprise but… your book is a best seller. Me and Sam were planning you a party to celebrate. We figured if we met at the restaurant it’d ruin the surprise so I saw him at his place after work.”

Bucky stared at her dumbly.

“You can call Sam if you don’t believe me.”

“Oh.” Bucky felt like someone’s just dumped a bucket of cold water over his head; felt like an absolute idiot, “oh, plum.”

“I’m sorry I kept it a secret, but I’m not sorry I wanted to do something nice for the man I love.” A tear rolled down her cheek and her lower lip trembled, “and I’m really sad with you for stalking me and doubting me like that. I didn’t expect that from you, Bucky… and I’m hurt.”

“Sweet plum-”

“You can leave now if you still want to.” She took quick steps to the bedroom, leaving Bucky at the door.

It wasn’t often that she and Bucky fought and it was never something that couldn’t be solved within an hour. He could never bear to see her upset, let alone let her go to bed mad at him.

“Plum,” Bucky softly knocked on her door, swallowing the lump stuck in his throat, “can I please come in?”

But this was big.

Bucky has doubted her love for him. He has insulted her loyalty and ruined everything because of his insecurities and the poisonous words of a man who never cared for him.

She opened the door for him in a heartbeat, her face soaked in tears.

“No, no, sweet plum.” Bucky took her in his arms, praying to the deities she wouldn’t repel from his touch.

“You pushed me out of your lap.” She sobbed, her chest heaving and her forehead pressed to his shoulder.

His accusations hurt but the fact that he pushed her away somehow hurt her more.

Bucky couldn’t help but let his tears fall as well.

How could he be so thoughtless? She was the one good thing in his life and he almost let her go. No amount of restaurants he could open could make him feel as happy as a smile from her would.

He could write a library and collect every prize ever known to humankind, and she would still be the best thing Bucky has ever won over.

“I’m stupid, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His hold tightened, engulfing her smaller frame in a desperate hug, “please don’t cry because of an idiot like me. I’m sorry, sweet plum. Forgive me, baby.”

“Why’d you do it?” Her sad eyes looked at him in question, full of confusion yet void of bitterness.

“I- sweet plum-” Bucky didn’t know how to answer her question because now that he looked back, he could see how stupid it all was.

Why did he follow her for 3 consecutive nights while she went to meet Sam instead of just trusting her? Why did he choose to believe and trust in Ryan’s words and not her love for him? Why was it easier for him to imagine her with someone like Sam but impossible to think of her with someone like himself?

“It’s because I’m a big idiot,” Bucky replied.

“Bucky.”

“Please forgive me, plum.” Bucky pecked her temple.

“Tell me what happened.”  She demanded softly, wiping Bucky’s own tears away and kissing his chin.

“Nothing happened, sweet plum. I got inside my own head again. I’m sorry, baby.” Bucky lied with a sad smile, too ashamed to admit Ryan’s words almost had him ruining the best relationship he’s ever been in.

She nodded understandingly, her hand cupping Bucky’s face as she rested his forehead on hers.

Bucky would tell her when he was ready. She didn’t want to stay mad at him. She knew he had issues with self confidence and she wasn’t about to make him feel even worse. He would come to her when he was comfortable. Bucky would tell her on his own.

“Please stay.” She whispered, her teary eyes heavy with sleep, yet afraid to go to bed and have Bucky leave after.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweet plum.” Bucky kissed her forehead, taking her by the hand to their bed.

~

“You know you can talk to me, right?” Her soothing voice whispered, filling the dark room.

Bucky was laying wide awake, Ryan’s words playing in his ears over and over again. What he did to his girl and how he made her cry. All the messed up shit he did just hours ago gnawed at him and took the sleep away from his eyes.

“I ran into Ryan,” Bucky finally replied, unable to sleep while he’s hiding something from her, “he filled my head with thoughts about you leaving me for Sam, and I let him.” He admitted to the ceiling, hesitant to meet her eyes.

“I would never leave you,” she promised him without reluctance, cupping his face and making him look at her.

She wanted him to see all the love her eyes held for him with no shame.

“Please don’t. I will lose the weight, I will—”

“Wait, what? He told you I’d leave you because of your weight?” Both hands were back on Bucky’s cheeks, thumbs wiping under his eyes.

Bucky nodded.

“And you believed him?”

“It’s why he left me.” He shrugged.

“Bucky,” she sighed.

“I know I know. It’s what’s on the inside that counts—”

“Don’t talk as if you’re not physically breathtaking!”

“Baby—”

“No! You have no idea how handsome you are, do you?!”

“Plum, you don’t have to say such stuff.” Bucky shook his head sheepishly and regretted it when he saw sadness cover her delicate features.

She quickly shook it off, scratching her forehead before taking Bucky’s hand, helping him sit up in their bed.

“Sweet plum, what are you doing?” Bucky asked when she started moving the covers down his torso.

“Gonna love on my man. Would you let me, Bucky? Can I love on you?” she asked, her voice soft and sweet.

Bucky nodded, hypnotized by the adoration shining in her eyes and she started to undress him.

Her eyes never left his as she took piece by piece of clothing off, revealing his beautiful figure to her, her smile only faltering when she bit down at the sight of her man in all his naked glory.

Bucky’s body was lit up under the soft moonlight coming from the window, helping her appreciate every curve and inch.

This gorgeous human being was his and he was hers.

“You’re so fucking sexy you take my breath away,” she moaned, slipping out of her own sweater, “and I don’t just mean the way you make me cum so many times until I have to fight for oxygen.” She brushed her lips on his.

Bucky was speechless. He could only stare and try not to lose his own oxygen.

“Keep your eyes open for me, Buck.” She pecked his lips once and he opened his eyes at once, not even realizing he’d closed them in the first place.

She smiled at how fast he followed the instruction, leaning back on the headboard and licking his lips.

Bucky’s groan when her bra hit the ground made her giggle. She slipped out of her panties, leaving herself bare before Bucky’s eyes.

“Come here, plum,” Bucky’s arms reached for her but she shook her head.

“This is about you, Bucky Bear.”

She climbed on the bed between Bucky’s legs, her hands wandering along his shins, thumbs caressing up his inner thighs. She bowed forward, peppering kisses on Bucky’s soft flesh.

“I love your thighs,” her lips moved higher and higher, the tiny kisses and nibbles driving Bucky crazy as he tried not to touch himself, “love how thick they are. So strong. So perfect. I would ride them all day if you’d let me.”

Bucky whimpered when she accompanied the honest words with a bite, leaving her mark on his pale flesh.

“And that ass,” she moaned, her hands sliding underneath Bucky, pulling his legs up and cupping his ass cheeks.

Bucky’s shy gasp made her smirk. He was so precious she could eat him. Maybe she should some day…

She let Bucky’s legs settle back on the bed and kept kissing up and up, skipping his twitching cock on purpose and placing wet kisses on his tummy instead. Her eyes locked with his and Bucky bit his pink lip.

He looked so beautiful, blushing, disheveled and turned on like that. His pupils were dilated, his cheeks rosy and his breath uneven; she was falling in love with this chef all over again.

“I love your tummy so so much,” her tongue dipped in Bucky’s bellybutton and the flush spread from his cheeks and on to his neck and chest.

Another moan slipped from his lips as her warm tongue lapped at his skin. She was full on licking him now.

Her words were romantic but the way she was loving him was driving him insane.

“I love to feel it against me when we hug,” she kissed his right side, “I love when you let me rest my head on it and I get to hear you breathe and feel your heartbeat,” she kissed his belly, “I love how it warms my back when you spoon me. And I love feeling it pushing against my ass when you take me from behind.” She pressed a final kiss to his left side.

“My favourite has got to be your cock though.” She gave his leaking dick a single pump and his hips were already bucking off the bed, “I’m a sucker for this cock, baby. Literally.”

Bucky was too busy whining when her mouth wrapped around the crown of his cock to call her out on her bad joke.

His whole body was on fire with need for her. He needed her to do something, anything.

“Plum, please. Let me get you ready. I need you. I need to be inside you.”

Bucky didn’t want to cum in her mouth, not this time. He needed to be buried deep inside her and he wasn’t sure how long he would be able to last.

“I’m ready,” she said, situating herself on top of his cock, rubbing the tip on her wet folds, letting out filthy mewls at the feel of him against the lips of her pussy, “always ready for you, baby.”

Before Bucky could argue that he should at least make sure she was prepared to take him just in case, she was pushing the tip of him in, stretching herself out on his cock with her head thrown back and her mouth open in a silent scream.

“Fuck, plum, so tight,” Bucky groaned, feeling her pussy grip every inch as soon as it disappeared inside her.

When she has completely impaled herself on Bucky’s cock, she stilled, taking a minute to get used to the stretch.

No burn has ever felt as good as the burn she got when Bucky’s dick split her in half. Getting opened on this cock was her favorite thing in the world.

She dragged her lips along his stubbly jaw as she waited, kissing all over his face, savoring the moment as sweetly as possible as if the head of Bucky’s cock wasn’t almost touching up her cervix.

Her open palms glided from around Bucky’s neck to his shoulders and down his arms until she reached his palms.

“and those hands, I think you already know how much I love your hands.” She chuckled as she continued and Bucky nodded, squirming below her.

“I love when you hold my hand; makes me feel safe; chosen,” she rolled her hips, making Bucky groan wantonly.

“I love how fast you can make me cum on the fingers of your left hand.” She whined when Bucky’s hands dug in her sides as she moved on him, surely leaving bruises behind.

“Fuck, plum-” Bucky was so close so fast and he wished he could last longer but the movement of her body on top of his, the words leaving her mouth and her walls snug around his cock were too much.

“I love you. Every inch, every part. I love all of you, Bucky.”

Bucky groaned in reply, chest heaving as he watched her take him.

“I love every part of you. I crave your touch like my lungs crave air.”

Bucky involuntarily thrust up, making her eyes roll.

“Oh Buck!” she wailed, Bucky hitting her favorite spots so good.

He couldn’t stop his hips from meeting hers every time she came down to take his cock over and over again, eyes glued to where he was disappearing inside of her.

“Nothing could ever match the feeling of being filled up of you, Bucky.”

“I love you, plum ahhh fuck,” Bucky moaned, overwhelmed by emotions and ready to burst any second.

“I love you too, Bucky bear. You’re my everything; my one and only.” She kissed him hard, thighs shaking around his body as she came on his cock.

Bucky couldn’t help but let go himself, cumming harder than he has ever before, filling her up with so much cum until he felt it leak out of her despite having her plugged on his softening cock.

She moaned at the warmth of his cum, shuddering when it seeped out of her.

“Fuck, plum,” Bucky sighed on her shoulder, breath still shaky.

She giggled shyly, burying her face in Bucky’s neck.

“Where did that come from?” Bucky asked, cupping her cheek so he could look at her.

She was glowing, smiling at him so innocently as if his cock wasn’t still buried deep up her leaking, pulsing pussy.

“From here.” She pointed to the spot between her breasts.

“Right here?” Bucky leaned forward to press a kiss on her hot skin, making her laugh as she nodded.

“I love you,” he whispered on her lips.

“I love you, Bucky. I love every tiny detail about you inside out. Nothing will ever change that.” She promised, seeing his eyes soften once again, insecurity dissipating.

“Thank you, plum.” Bucky hugged her close, kissing her shoulder and the back of her neck.

“Thank you for letting me show you how much I love you.”

“So you love my cock huh?” Bucky teased.

“Buckyyyy,” she whined, trying to get away as her face heated up.

“No, say it.” Bucky bit his lip, looking at her with a smirk.

“You know I do. Stop.”

“No, plum. I don’t know anything.” Bucky shook his head trying to act serious, “say it again.”

“Iloveyourcock,” she mumbled, trying to take herself off his cock.

“What was that, plum?” Bucky thrust upward into her and even with a soft cock he could make her make the sweetest sound.

“Hngh, I love your cock, Bucky,” she moaned, throwing her head back.

“Hmm, how much?” Bucky swirled his hips, feeling himself get hard again.

“S-so much,” she admitted as his cock stretched her sensitive pussy.

Bucky held her close, turning them the other way around and gave a deep push when he was on top, his cum making the filthiest squelching sounds as she screamed an “oh god”.

“So much you’d let me take you again?”

“Yes, yes,” she nodded frantically, not wanting the man to stop his thrusts.

And he wasn’t going to.

Bucky’s tummy pinned her down as he pressed his lips to hers, eating up her squeals as he pounded her into the bed, showing her how much he loved her.

~

“So you really don’t care about my weight?” Bucky asked, supporting his body up on his elbows as he stared at her glossy eyes.

She could barely remember her name as she tried to come down from the other two orgasms Bucky has just given her, his body still on top of hers, but that wasn’t a question she needed to think about the answer to.

“I only want you okay and healthy, Bucky. If you’re comfortable, I’m comfortable. If you’re happy, I’m happy. Otherwise, you’re perfect to me,” she told him with a shrug, pushing his wet hair behind his ears, “every little thing about you is perfect.”

“I love you so much, plum.”

“I love you more.” She smiled, heart fluttering at the look he was giving her.

“Not possible.” Bucky kissed her lips, “not possible, plum.”

~

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[buckyalpine]

Dry humping chubby Bucky

Just imagine dry humping with subby chubby beefy Bucky. Using him for your pleasure, moaning and whining while you hump and grind yourself all over him. He’s a shy baby who can’t believe someone who looks like you would be so into someone like him. No amount of convincing works, which is how you both ended up on the couch with you straddled on his lap, rubbing yourself on his achingly hard length. 

You worship him, whispering the sweetest words while taking your clothes off one by one, leaving you in just the tiniest pair of lace panties, rubbing your clit right where the tip of his cock rests in his pants. 

“You’re so pretty like this, big boy” Your hands grip onto his thick shoulders, your fingers toying with the hair at the nap of his neck, tugging it every so slightly. His face is flushed, pink lips parted, gasping every time you move just right, his balls heavy, “My pretty baby boy” 

“Oh God” He whimpers, feeling spurts of precum drip from the tip, his entire body throbbing from how good it feels. At some point you lean back, grasping onto his thighs, putting your body in display for him while you continue to swivel your hips on his erection and he swears he’s died and gone to heaven. 

“Fuck, James” You chant and moan his name, brows knitted together, refusing to take your eyes off him because he’s the one who makes you feel this good. You get off just getting to rub yourself on him and he better know it. He hesitates to touch you but when you throw your arms around his neck again, your breasts practically in his face, he can’t help but grab onto you. 

“Angel” He warns as best as he can, his cock his leaking and making a mess in his his pants, he’s going to blow his load if you don’t stop but you grind down hard on him and circle your hips. “S-slow down, I-please” 

He doesn’t want to blow just yet, he loves how you worship him, you turn into such a needy slutty kitten, making him feel so good and what kind of boyfriend would he be if he came in his pants like a little boy. He tries so hard to hold on, to stop himself from cumming but you make it impossible. 

You notice his hands grip you harder, his fingers digging into your soft flesh hard enough to leave bruises, chest heaving up and down. You let out a moan right by his ear at his cock swells, balls pulling tight to his body. Before he could say anything, sticky ropes of his spend throb out his cock from where your pussy humps him perfectly. 

He buries his face into your bare chest, taking a nipple into his mouth to muffle his moans, his hips stuttering from underneath, his large form under you squirming and trembling. You register his needy ministrations, hiding his face between broken moans, puffs of air hitting your warm skin as he pants. You pause your movement, your hands coming up to his face, pulling him away from your chest. 

“Did you cum baby?” You cup his scruffy cheek, making him look at you, his sweet blue eyes looking at you with shyness, the blush on his cheeks spreading to his ears. He nods, refusing to meet your eyes while you coo, kissing his face before capturing his soft lips. All he can do is nod, still looking away from you, nervously squeezing your hips in his large hands. 

“Sorry, I couldn't hold it” He whispered making you fall in love with him more. 

“Did it feel good, handsome?” Your nose bumped against his, loving the smile that graced his lips, blinking up at you. “I want to make you feel good, baby” 

His eyes grow wide when you slink off his lap and start to tug at the waistband of his pants, urging him to lift his hips so you can pull them down to his knees. He wants to squeeze his thighs shut, he isn’t even hard anymore. He doesn’t think you’d want to look at him when he’s soft, made a mess all over himself. 

“Angel, what are you-”

“Gotta clean you up, big boy” You take his softening cock, covered his silky cream into your mouth, lapping him right up, loving the slutty, desperate moan he lets out. He’s so sensitive, body jolting with each lap of your tongue but you’re not gonna be finished with him until he gets how perfect he is for you. 

Anyway. 

[astxrwar]

“why do you HC bucky as desperately wanting to feel needed” well you see

Steve. pre-serum. scrappy smart-mouthed 5’4 zero brain cells. always sick and asthmatic and losing everyone in his life and Bucky took care of him! loved him! loved to take care of him!

and then one day steve didn’t need somebody to take care of him anymore. and he started taking care of Bucky (saved him the first time, then the second time, essentially brought him back to life!!) and bucky started needing him and he never really stopped needing him and he hated himself for it and for not being able to do things for Steve the way he used to. and then steve was just. gone. and now he’s alone. and he feels okay only when he’s being useful to people and Proving Steve Right about him being good under the decades of abuse trauma.

he is absolutely not comfortable with the side of himself that Needs people that badly, he’d gone most of his life being the caretaker and not really knowing what that even felt like, and it’s easier to allow yourself to need to be needed than it is to just. need. they’re both basically the same thing but it’s an extra step to assuage his pervasive self-worth issues and feel Secure in caring about people because he really just feels like a burden unless he’s being Useful.

[primaryalcohol]

poor guy

[sweetbbarnes]

The Interview | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Boyfriend!Bucky Barnes x Celebrity!Fem!Reader

Summary: After directing a successful movie about Captain America’s life, the media seems to think that you and Steve Rogers would be the perfect match. Little do they know, your heart has already been taken by his best friend, the infamous ex-assassin James Barnes. And although you two are in a secret relationship and even secretly live together, when Bucky hears people talking about how you and Steve would be perfect for each other, his insecurity gets the best of him. But it’s okay, because you are determined to show your soldier just how much you love him. I got the inspiration to write this fic from the prompt “I don’t love you any less just because no one else can see it.” and also from the song I’ll Never Smile Again.

Warnings: Bucky is insecure (like, a lot) and self deprecating; jealousy (if you squint it); mentions of Bucky’s history and trauma; mentions of scars and past injuries; lots of feelings; lots of fluff; swearing; pet names; alcohol is mentioned; sexual themes, slight sub!bucky and dom!reader, allusions to dom!bucky and sub!reader (they kind of switch, idk how to explain), oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, the smut is written in both Bucky and reader perspectives; please let me know if I missed anything.

This is a +18 work. Minors DNI.

English is not my first language.

I do not consent to have this fic translated, copied or published to any other sites/apps. Do not steal my work.

I don’t understand anything about filmmaking so this is entirely based on information I read on google.

A/N: this is the first fic I post here as well as the first time I try writing something in english and I’m actually really nervous about sharing it, but I liked it a lot so I decided to post. Also I had no idea smut was so hard to write, so I’m sorry if it’s not that good, I promise I tried my best.

Word Count: 7.0k

“So, this is your first time directing a project after years working as an actress. How was this experience?” Bucky hears the interviewer’s voice. After your debut as a director with a movie about Steve Rogers’ life, you’ve been going to a lot of interviews — most of them with Steve, like this one — and as much as Bucky sees you everyday, he also enjoys watching them when you’re not home and he misses you. He likes to see your eyes shining a little brighter when you talk passionately about your work, the polite smile on your lips while you pay attention to the questions, the sweet voice you use to answer them, the way your eyebrow arches a little bit in annoyance when interviewers bring up irrelevant subjects.

“You’re aware that I literally live with you, right? You don’t have to watch those to see me.” You had joked the first time you caught him doing it. But Bucky just likes to see his girlfriend, even if it’s through a screen. Today is no different, so he sits there on the couch, listening closely while you answer the question, looking gorgeous as always.

“Well, it was definitely challenging. Not only was it my first attempt at directing, but the whole premise of the film was different from everything I’ve ever worked on, you know, ‘cause telling a fictional story is one thing, but telling the story of a real person is something else completely. It takes a lot of responsibility. But it was good, I felt a sense of independence that I never had as an actress. If I didn’t like something or if it didn’t feel right, I could just change it.”

“While we’re on the subject, Captain Steve Rogers, how was it like to have someone make a movie about your life?”

Steve smiles confidently at the man, already so used to this celebrity life that he barely resembles the shy, introverted kid Bucky knew in the 40’s.

“I mean, there’s a whole exhibition about me in a museum, so it’s not like my life is a secret,” the three of you laugh at the joke “but it was easier than I thought it would be. When Y/N first told me about it, she said that she didn’t want to simply tell Captain Americas’ story, everybody knows it, anyway.” He shrugs, and it’s true, everybody knows about the skinny boy from Brooklyn who took a supersoldier serum, lost his best friend, sacrificed himself and then was frozen for years just to wake up in a totally different world than the one he grew up in. But what no one knew — at least before the movie — is who Steve Rogers was before the serum, what changed and what stayed the same after he took it, or what it was like to wake up to a world he knew nothing about and how, exactly, this whole situation affected him. And that’s exactly what you had intended to show. Not how Steve Rogers became Captain America, but how Captain America changed Steve Rogers - avoiding topics that were too personal, of course.

“She had a totally different approach than what I am used to, and it was fun. It also helped that she did a really good job with it!” The blond continued.

“She really did, the film is amazing! It shows us a more human side of you, not only the hero, but also the person behind it. At least when I watched it, I got to understand a lot of things that I’d never stopped to think about before and ended up feeling more connected to the person that helps protect us everyday.” The interviewer agrees with Steve, and you thank both of them with a huge grin. “By the way you talk, Captain, I am assuming you were present through the entire production?”

“Yeah, whenever I wasn’t on missions. She wanted to stick to the truth as much as possible, so I got to check every information before it was added to the movie, and also chat a little with the actors.”

“So,” the man says your name, “everybody wants to know, how was it like working with the world’s favorite superhero?”

“First of all, don’t fool yourselves, Captain America is a pain in the ass.” You say, earning a loud laugh from the interviewer as Steve feigns an offended look. Bucky agrees with you.

“I am not! And you should watch your language, miss. There are children watching this!” the blond exclaims. He’s laughing but it’s clear that he’s serious about the language thing.

“See?” You say, pointing to Steve since he just proved your point “The lectures are endless!” You roll your eyes playfully, and proceed to answer the question seriously. “Steve and I were already friends before everything, so yeah, it was pretty normal. The only difference is that we had to see each other a lot more than usual.”

“Since you talked about your relationship before the film, rumor is that you two are very close. So the internet is wondering, maybe there is something more than just friendship?” The interviewer asks in a suggestive tone. What the fuck?

Bucky watches as your smile falters and Steve’s eyes widen, both your reactions showing that this is an unexpected question. His heart starts to beat quickly as you answer with a dry “our friendship is strictly platonic”, but the soldier doesn’t wanna hear any more of that conversation. How dare the man ask something like that? And also, what does he mean with “the internet is wondering”? Does the internet think you and Steve are a couple? You and Steve? You and his fucking best friend? No, you are Bucky’s girlfriend. Okay, the internet doesn’t know that. And, alright, hiding the relationship was his idea in the first place, because of how the media sees him and how it could affect your career, but part of the agreement between you two was that you would never talk about your romantic life publicly, so you always make it clear that relationship talk during interviews is off limits, and it enrages him that someone would disrespect your boundaries like that. And again, you and Steve?

Bucky’s head is spiraling when he grabs his phone - that you teached him how to use - and searches for your name plus Steve Rogers. And that’s when he sees it. Gossip blogs suggesting that the two are dating and talking about how it would be the “perfect couple”, videos of you and Steve gazing at each other’s eyes and touching each other’s arms during interviews - Bucky knows those looks and touches were innocent, but apparently some people are really good at taking things out of context. There’s also photoshopped pictures of you two holding hands, hugging, kissing-

He doesn’t notice when the interview ends. He knows you and Steve are not together, but seeing all of those things made him sick to his stomach. And he felt his heart being ripped from his chest when he realized that you and Rogers would, indeed, make the perfect couple. Steve, the world’s first and favorite superhero, the one who carries the stars and stripes, the blond-hair-blue-eyes personification of perfection, and you, a hero that fights for justice, not with guns or a shield, but instead using all the power and influence you have to bring attention to the truth and try to help those in need. And Bucky? A brainwashed ex-assassin, hydra’s failed experiment, a broken man with a weapon instead of an arm and according to many people, a black hole instead of a heart. That’s why you couldn’t tell anyone about this relationship, because Bucky is not and will never be perfect for you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and he doesn’t deserve you.

_

“Hey, babe!” You greet your boyfriend, entering the house you two share after a long day of meetings and interviews. You love what you do, but some days can be very stressful, today being one of them. After that fiasco of an interview that gave you and your agent a huge headache, you’re just glad you’re finally home with Bucky.

The brunet is sitting at the couch, elbows resting on his knees and head between his hands. Realizing he’s probably anxious or stuck in his own mind again, you walk over to this large frame, hold his wrists - flesh and metal - and move them away from his face. He’s a little startled with the sudden interaction, but relaxes as soon as he sees your warming smile.

“Hi, love.” You say, quietly, your heart breaking when you see the hurt in his beautiful blue eyes. "What 's wrong?”

“Nothing.” He immediately tries to hide his expression with a fake grin. “Nothing’s wrong, sweets.” And gives you a peck kiss.

His lie doesn’t fool you, because you know Bucky, and you can tell when he’s upset. If not for his posture when you came in and his pained expression, then for the way he didn’t greet you like he usually does, with a tight hug and a hot open-mouthed kiss that screams how much he missed you as the touch-starved man he is. But you also know that sometimes your boyfriend needs space, when he starts to drown himself in guilt or remembers all the torture and loss he was put through, and will only talk about it when he’s ready, if he wants to talk about it at all. These times, all you can do is remind him that you’re here, until he feels comfortable enough to speak, or until he gets better on his own without the need to verbalize the horrors inside his head.

You sit by his side and tangle your fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp softly. He leans into the touch and tells you how his day was when you ask him - avoiding the interview topic, because he doesn’t want to talk about that right now.

_

Bucky knows you can tell when he hides something. But he also knows that you are patient and loving and understanding, so when he doesn't want to talk about his feelings, you wouldn’t force him. Most days he’s glad for that, but today he wishes you had seen through his bullshit and just canceled dinner despite what he said.

“Do you want to call off dinner tonight? It’s okay if you do.” You had said while you two were still sitting on the couch, earlier today.

“No, it’s okay.” He answered, shaking his head.

You pursed your lips. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Now, as you talk happily with Natasha, Sam and Steve, Bucky can’t stop the anxiety in his chest. In fact, it gets a tiny bit worse every time you and his best friend talk about the movie or the interviews, joke about something that happened on set that he doesn’t understand or even when you two went to grab the wine bottle at the same time and your hands touched- Okay, Bucky’s definitely going insane. You are Steve’s friend. Friends talk and joke and share innocent touches. But it still hurts, because Steve would be better for you. If not Steve, then someone else who’s not a traumatized murderer that will only take you down with him and-

“..., right, love?” You squeeze Bucky’s thigh, bringing his attention back to the table.

He stares at you blankly, unaware of what was going on around him.

“Yeah- yeah, right.” Bucky mumbles, and then gets up from his seat. He can’t stay here anymore. “I have to go… grab something.”

_

After excusing yourself from the table, you find your boyfriend leaning against the kitchen counter, arms crossed and eyes closed.

“Why didn’t you ask me to cancel dinner if you’re not feeling okay?” Your tone is sweet when you ask, there’s no judgment, only genuine worry.

“I am feeling okay.” He lies without opening his eyes.

“I know you’re not. You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” you try again, calmly.

“It’s just-” Bucky huffs, unfolding his arms to rub his flesh hand against his face. “You and Steve.”

You tilt your head in confusion. “What about me and Steve?”

“I’ve seen the interview, and what people are saying about you two on the internet.” he answers, finally looking at you.

“Oh, baby, it doesn’t matter-” You try to shrug it off, because it really doesn’t matter to you, but he interrupts.

“No, it does.”

His sudden interruption surprises you a little bit, but you don’t let it upset you. You know Bucky struggles to express his feelings sometimes. “Why?”

He just averts his gaze, putting on a sarcastic expression like he always does when he gets defensive. But there’s only one reason why Bucky would get defensive.

“Are you jealous?” You ask curiously, not mocking or teasing, just wanting to understand.

“I’m not-” There’s a little pause in which he seems to be considering his own feelings. “No, I’m not jealous.”

“Then what’s the problem, babe? You know Steve and I are not together.”

“It’s just that maybe you should, y’know.” Instead of explaining something, he just confuses you more with his words, uttered with such naturality as if it was the most obvious thing. If you weren’t so disoriented by this conversation, you’d be thinking that Bucky could make a great actor by how he’s good at hiding his emotions sometimes.

“What did you say?”

“I said maybe you two should be together. He knows you for longer than I do.” Bucky tries to come up with an excuse to what he just said, not wanting to explain his real motives.

“That’s not a reason- You’re not making any sense.” You say, still calm, trying to understand the situation as best as you can, because you have no idea why he would suggest something like that.

“Or maybe not Steve, but someone like him.” He continues, ignoring your confused look. But you can see that his defensiveness is slowly breaking.

“Someone like him? Bucky, what do you mean with all that?”

You really try to make sense of what he’s saying, but you can’t, because what the fuck is happening? 

Then you see it. The way his Adam's apple moves up and down, his mouth tilts slightly downwards and both his hands clench in fists. But even if you didn’t know his body language so well, you’d still notice the searing pain emanating from his eyes.

“Someone that’s not broken. Someone that’s good, a hero. A person that you wouldn’t have to hide.” He whispers.

You can swear your heart has been ripped off your chest when the words sink in, the ones he said and the ones you know are eating his mind even though he didn’t say them out loud — I’m a burden. I’ll never be good enough. I’ll always have to be a secret, because people think I’m a monster. Because sometimes I think I’m a monster — and you finally understand his demeanor. But before you can say anything, Steve appears at the kitchen door, a concerned look in his eyes “Everything okay?”

Bucky immediately stiffens up and heads towards his friend, once again building up his walls. He can barely explain himself to you, he doesn’t need Steve to be added to the conversation. “Yeah, everything’s fine, pal.”

You watch as the man you love makes his way out of the kitchen and back to the dinner table, a lot of feelings making their way up your chest. You are worried, of course, but also hurt that Bucky could consider the possibility of letting you go to someone else and a little indignant that he thinks you are capable of loving another person as much as you love him. And you know that Bucky has a complicated past and it’s not your obligation to heal him entirely, but you can’t help but feel slightly disappointed in yourself, because even after two years trying to prove to him whenever you could that he is loved by you and he’s worthy of it, you still couldn’t get rid of those doubts that ate his mind every now and then. 

After you two started dating, you made sure to always be honest about your feelings, constantly telling him that you love him, that you’re not gonna leave him, that you don’t care about what he’s done as the winter soldier, ‘cause it was never his choice, that he is enough and that yes, you truly think that he’s attractive and handsome and beautiful and hot and perfect even with the metal arm. 

The first time he got back from a mission unconscious and heavily injured, you didn’t leave his side for even one second, terrified of losing him, until he woke up and the doctors assured you three times that he was going to be okay. Then you made your agent cancel all of your appointments for the next week and brought him to your house to take care of his wounds until there was no trace of them in any part of his body, even though he said you didn’t have to and that the serum would heal him. Before he got back to his old apartment, you made him promise that he would try to never do that again. 

When you noticed that he never took off his shirt during sex, you had asked to see his scars and although he was insecure about it at first, he ended up trusting you. You remember gently tracing all the scarred skin, then kissing every inch where your fingers had touched, trying to show that he didn’t have to hide himself from you. 

When he got unsure about how serious the relationship was and you noticed he was scared you would leave him, you asked him to move in with you, wanting to prove how serious you are about this. 

Was all of that not enough to make him believe you? Does he still think you’re not serious when you rearrange your entire schedule after he gets back from missions just to be with him for a little longer? Does he think you’re lying when you talk about your love for him? When you do everything he needs to help him deal with the pain — even if what he needs is space and it kills you to be apart while he’s feeling depressed? What about all the times you gave yourself to him entirely, at late nights when your need for each other was so deep that you both let go of control?

No. You bury those insecurities at the back of your mind. You’re not gonna let them take over, you know you love Bucky and you’re gonna keep trying to prove it to him every single day, even if a part of him never believes you.

When you meet Steve at the door, he lowers his tone and points to his best friend. “Is this about the interview?”

“Kind of.” You sigh. “I’ll talk to him later.”

The rest of the dinner is fine. Bucky’s still quiet, he thought that he would feel better after taking everything out of his chest, but he somehow feels worse now. Steve shoots worried glances at both you and Bucky every now and then, but continues talking and joking like he was before. If Sam or Natasha noticed that you had a sadness in your eyes that wasn’t there before, none of them said anything.

_

“We know you're super important and busy, but don’t forget about us, mere mortals, alright?” Sam jokes, and you laugh before closing the door with a smile, saying goodbye to your friends. Mere mortals, yeah.

You sigh, making your way back to the kitchen, where your boyfriend had retreated to after saying a quick goodbye, a few minutes earlier. You’re aware that Bucky’s supersoldier senses pick up on your presence as soon as you enter the room, but he doesn’t say a word while he washes the dishes. You just stay there for a few minutes, watching how the muscles in his back flex with the movement of his arms, how the tight black shirt outlines his body, covering his torso, his biceps, the scars that you had seen and felt so many times before. God, you love him so much, and you’re gonna prove it to him. Over and over again, until he quits trying to push you away.

A famous song from the 40’s starts to play on the speaker, and you take the moment to get closer and wrap your arms around his waist, resting your hands on his stomach. You place your chin on the crook of his neck and start to sing softly right next to his ear.

“I’ll never smile again Until I smile at you I’ll never laugh again What good would it do?”

Bucky stops what he’s doing. You know he loves when you hug him from behind and whisper in his ear.

“For tears would fill my eyes My heart would realize That our romance is through”

Bucky closes his eyes to enjoy the moment and lets out a shaky breath when you place a kiss on his shoulder before continuing to sing.

“I'll never love again I'm so in love with you I'll never thrill again To somebody new”

Instinctively, he places his hands on top of yours. Both of them are cold, one due to the metal, the other due to the water, but you don’t care.

“Within my heart I know I will never start To smile again Until I smile at you”

You two stay like this for some minutes, eyes closed, bodies touching, the smell of the shampoo he used to wash his hair earlier filling your senses. When the song ends, Bucky turns in your arms to face you and whispers your name. But before he can say anything, you grab his face between your two hands.

“You are not broken. You are good. You are my hero. And I don’t love you any less just because no one else can see it.” You say firmly, one hundred percent sure of your words. 

He still tries to argue, though.

“But I am-”

“You know what you are, Barnes? You are the love of my life. And I know I’m supposed to be patient and understanding, and let you figure things out on your own, but I can’t do it this time. I’m not gonna let another second pass with you thinking that Steve, or anyone else, would be better for me, ‘cause this is not true.”

Bucky lets out a heavy breath. 

“I- I don’t- I’m not-” but he can’t find the words. Why won’t you see what he’s trying to show you?

You soften your eyes when you take in his expression. Bucky is on the verge of tears, mouth trembling, and it breaks your heart to see your soldier in so much pain because of stupid things people were typing on the internet - about him, about you, about your love life.

“What about you see what I am trying to show you?” You whisper, and only then he realizes he had said that out loud. “Because I’m trying to show you that I love you more than anything. All of you. The good parts and the bad ones. All your smiles and all your scars. And there’s nothing you can say, or do, that will make me stop adoring everything about you.”

You connect your lips with his before he has time to argue. It’s a loving kiss, slow and gentle, carrying every single feeling that burns inside your chest, communicating everything you want him to know - that you love him unconditionally, that you’re not gonna judge him for who he is, that you are his and he is yours. He reciprocates with the same amount of tenderness and love.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers when you break the kiss. “I just want what’s best for you.”

“It’s okay, love.” You whisper. “I know.”

And you crash your lips with his again, not so gentle this time. 

_

Now that you managed to push his insecurities away, Bucky finally allows the familiar need for you to emerge once again. He lifts his flesh hand to the back of your head, holding it strongly while his tongue invades your mouth without any warning and he sucks on your lower lip. Even though you two had sex many times before, he always feels so desperate, never once failing to show you just how hungry he is for you. You break the kiss to giggle when he uses his metal hand to grip your hip with strength enough to leave a mark, but not to truly hurt you. Bucky would never hurt you.

“So eager to someone that just tried to break up with me.” You tease.

“Can’t even remember why I thought that was a good idea.” He places wet kisses through your jaw and neck. Bucky knows his insecurities are never gone that easily, and some of them will probably come back later to haunt his peace, but right now it doesn’t matter, because right now he wants you and he’ll do anything to get what he wants.

“Oh, something about how I should ditch you for Steve.”

“Let’s not talk about it. It was ridiculous.” He mumbles, feeling his self control slowly fade away with every touch of his lips on your skin. Talking is the less thing he wants to do, but apparently he’ll have to.

“Why? You don’t like the thought of your best friend doing this to me?” You ask with a smug smile, gesturing between you two.

Bucky stops what he’s doing and looks at you exasperated.

“Please don’t say this kind of thing ever again.”

“What? You wanted me to date Steve and thought we wouldn’t get intimate if we were together?” You ask, amused with his expression.

Actually, I haven’t thought about that part. Bucky sighs after he realizes you’re trying to not so subtly remind him of how absurd his idea was.

“Alright, I get it. It was stupid. Will you drop it now?” He pleads, feeling more frustrated each second that passes with him not being inside of you. Especially after your outrageous suggestion.

“It was stupid.” You’re aware of his desperation but choose to ignore it until he understands. “Promise you’ll never do that again?”

“Feeling insecure? I don’t think I can control that.” He mumbles.

“Assuming that you’re not worthy.” You tuck a strand of his short hair behind his ear. “It’s okay to feel insecure, really. But when you do, please just tell me, and I’ll remind you of how much I love you.”

You are not broken. You are good.

“Okay.” He whispers with a hoarse voice.

Bucky tries to kiss you again, but you hold his face a few inches away from you. Goddammit, woman!

“Promise?” You whisper, still refusing to give him what he wants. You need to hear him say it.

“I promise, sweets.” He answers, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Now can I please kiss you?”

His plea sends a jolt of electricity straight to your core. Oh, you absolutely love when Bucky Barnes begs for you. Instead of answering with words, you return your mouth to his in a passionate kiss, with your arms around his neck.

Suddenly, the only thing that Bucky can think about is you, the delicious taste of your lips, the softness of your hair entangled between his flesh fingers, the tempting sounds you’re letting out against his mouth, the seductive touch of your skin on his skin-

“Want you so bad.” He murmurs in a rough voice, and before he realizes, he’s pushing you to your shared bedroom, never taking his mouth away from yours.

“Don’t worry, babe, I’m gonna take care of you.” You break the kiss to answer, making your intentions clear. You rarely act dominant during sex, but when you want to, you can get him to do pretty much anything you ask. That’s how much power you have over him, and although Bucky usually likes to be the one in charge, he sometimes enjoys being reminded that you have him entirely in the palm of your hand. And you certainly like to remind him that he can let go of his imposing behavior every once in a while. You drag your hands through his muscular stomach under the shirt, pronouncing the next words in a demanding voice. “Take your clothes off, Barnes.”

Knowing better than to disobey you, he undresses himself under your gaze. You had seen him naked countless times before, but you still take a moment to admire, and Bucky feels like he might die when your eyes travel slowly through his entire body, from the beautiful blue eyes, to the swollen lips, through the scarred skin where meat meets metal and his defined stomach, lingering on his muscular thighs and already hard length, then his legs and feet, and finally back to his eyes.

“Will I get to see you naked too?” He asks, already feeling smaller. Well, for a man that’s used to taking you by the waist, pushing you into the bed and easily ripping your clothes off, asking this kind of thing definitely makes him look smaller. Submissive. But it’s a good feeling.

“I’ll think about it.” You shrug and push his chest gently to make him sit on the bed. With him sitting down, slightly leaning back, and you standing on your feet between his legs, you look powerful, and it arouses him. You smirk, noticing his expression. “But tonight is about you. Gotta show my pretty boy how much I love him.”

Bending over just a little bit to reach his face, you start to kiss his cheeks, then the corner of his lips, his jaw and neck, all of that while lightly running your fingernails over his bare thighs. Bucky tries to hold back a groan.

“Don’t hold back your noises.” You whisper next to his ear, immediately catching on his shyness. He can feel your warm breath as you speak, and it sends shivers down his whole body. “Wanna hear you, my love.”

The man barely hears you, focusing on the feel of your nails on his skin. He loves it. He loves you. He wants you to touch his entire body with your hands and lips. He wants to be inside of you right now- 

Bucky lets out a louder groan this time, and you happily continue your trail of kisses, on his shoulders, down to his stomach, until you’re on your knees in front of him, face to face with his thick cock, a little bit of pre-come already making its way down his reddened tip.

“Hands behind your back.” You order, using your arms to open his legs wider.

Leaning on his elbows, Bucky looks down at you startled. He’s not strong enough to keep himself from touching you while you give him a blow job. He utters your name in an almost whine, trying to argue, but a single look from you with arched eyebrows makes him shut up and obey. This is gonna be a hell of a long night, he thinks.

His dick gets impossibly harder when you pepper light kisses through his inner thighs and then bite and lick the same spots, so close from where he needs you, but still not touching it. “Sweetheart.”

“Yes?”

“I need you.” He mutters.

“What do you need me to do, Bucky?” You feign innocence, knowing exactly what he wants, but waiting for him to ask.

“Need you to- need your mouth.” He begs. “Please.”

Delicious noises emerge from his throat as soon as you start to slowly slide your tongue through his entire length with your mouth wide open, staring at his lust-filled eyes as you go. He clenches his jaw tightly when you wrap your lips around his tip, circling the sensitive area with your tongue. He grunts as he tries really hard not to jerk his hips up, and you take your time sucking and licking his tip, enjoying the reactions too much to rush this.

“Fuck.” He hisses. “Feels so good.”

He watches in awe as you guide one of his legs to rest on your shoulder. He wants to tell you that he’s too heavy and you don’t have to do that, but the words are lost in the dizziness of his brain when you take him so deep inside your mouth that his tip reaches the back of your throat. Rolling his eyes involuntarily, the only thing going through Bucky’s head is how heavenly you feel as you take him like this.

His cock is so thick and hard, and as you start bobbing your head up and down you can’t help the feeling that you’ll never have enough of him. You dig your nails into the thigh that’s resting on your shoulder and use the other hand to wrap his base, since he still doesn’t fit entirely inside your mouth. The almost pornographic sounds your boyfriend is making encourage you to fasten your movements, sucking harder and sending pleasure through every single nerve on his body. You let out a moan, and he almost loses it with the vibration it provides.

“Want to- fuck- gonna come.” He mumbles, throwing his head back with eyes screwed shut.

You take your mouth off his size with a loud pop and warn “Don’t.” Before going back to your motions.

In order to obey, Bucky tries to think about random, non filthy things like dolphins or wood tables or apples. He’s definitely not thinking about what you’re doing, the warmth of your mouth around his dick, the delicious pain of your fingernails scratching the back of his thigh, the way your pretty lips are deliciously sucking-

“I can’t-” He whines, involuntarily yanking his hips up. But the only thing you do is mutter a short “yes, you can” and place the hand that was involving his base on his lower stomach, silently ordering him to stay still.

The room is filled with his shaky breaths as he gathers every ounce of willpower that’s left to hold back his release. He wants so badly to please you, to make you proud and earn those sweet praises he knows you’ll whisper to him once you’re satisfied with his success.

When Bucky’s leg starts to tremble violently and you know he won’t be able to contain himself anymore if you keep going, you let go of him completely, standing on your feet once again. But before he can complain about the orgasm denial, you shut him up with a chaste kiss. 

“I’m gonna fuck you now, okay, baby?” you whisper against his lips, and laugh seductively when he tries to lift his hands to your hips. You hold his wrists before he reaches you. “Didn’t say you could touch me yet.”

He whines, but that’s all he can do about it. Aware of his struggle to keep his hands away, you start to take your clothes off, piece by piece. And don’t get me wrong, Bucky enjoys seeing you all dressed up in your fancy clothes and expensive shoes, he really does, but he absolutely loves the sight of you without any of them. The soldier keeps looking at you in adoration while you make him lay down and straddle him, holding both his wrists above his head.

_

“But I wanna touch you.” Bucky protests as soon as he notices what you’re doing, but doesn’t make any motion to move his hands off your grasp, even though he could easily do that. Instead, he tries to win you over with his words. “Wanna put my fingers inside that pretty lil’ pussy of yours. Wanna taste you. Make you come on my metal hand and then on my face-”

“Nice try, Barnes.” you interrupt before you actually give in to his suggestions. “But tonight it’s my turn to take care of you. Gotta remind you that you’re mine,” you lower your lips to his ear “and that I love you very, very much.”

You don’t wait for a response before you buckle your hips down, feeling his rock hard length between your wet folds. Both of you moan with the contact.

“So you’re gonna keep your hands where they are until I say otherwise, okay?”

Bucky nods, giving up his efforts because he’s simply desperate to just be inside you as soon as possible. With the confirmation, you bring both of your hands to lay on his chest and position the tip of his cock in your entrance, teasing a bit just to watch his lips tremble with anticipation. Inch by inch, you push your hips down on him, taking deep breaths to control yourself and keep the slow pace. Bucky provides you with quite the sight, eyes squeezed shut and lips slightly parted, his face is covered in red, the veins from his forehead are clearly visible under the skin and his hair is matted in a sweaty mess while he takes shallow breaths, waiting for you to go all the way down.

The thought that you could turn a man like Bucky Barnes — always so headstrong and stoic, walking around with a scowl and giving people those sarcastic scoffs — into a panting mess beneath you makes pleasure travel from the pit of your stomach to your core. There is something very sensual about the fact that the super soldier could easily bend you down to fuck you senseless (like he’s done many times), but allows you to have all the power anyway. More than allowing you, he wants you to have it, craves to surrender entirely under your strings. This man, who’s so desperate for control all the time, trusts you enough to let you dominate him completely. This knowledge at the same time makes your heart ache with love and the lower part of your belly tremble with bliss.

“You look so good beneath me, baby. All blushy and wild.” You praise, and the only thing his mind can think of as a response is more moans. The sounds are like music to your ears. A loud, obscene melody.

Finally, you take all of him, and Bucky succumbs to the feeling of your soft walls wrapping around his length. Not able to restrain his wish anymore, he begins to vigorously yank his hips up, trying to bury as much of himself as possible inside of you. You lose yourself in the intense feeling as his cock rubs over and over against that delicious spot that makes you see stars, and that deliciously familiar sensation starts to prickle under your skin.

The knuckles on his right hand are white from gripping the sheets with so much strength when he mutters under his breath. “Let me- Please, let me touch you.”

Having him beg for you is nice, but how are you supposed to say no when his request is so tempting? You hold his wrists and bring them to your waist. Without losing a moment, he immediately squeezes your boobs, pinches your nipples and then moves to grip your hips like his life depends on it, helping you with your motions as they’ve already started to become erratic.

Finally feeling your skin on his hands, Bucky feels his cock throbbing inside your cunt, and he knows he’s not gonna last much longer. “Gonna come. Can I come?”

“Yes, baby. Let go for me. I’ve got you.” You dug your nails on his shoulder blades, that delicious pressure starts to build up in your lower belly upon watching your composed soldier arch his back with pleasure, mouth open wide in an ‘O’ shape. “You’re such a good boy, baby. So fucking good to me”

Soon, excruciating pleasure crashes through Bucky’s body, and he feels himself falling off the edge as he fills you up with the product of his orgasm, panting violently while calling your name. Arousal courses through your veins with the scene, and it doesn’t take much for you to reach your own peak, rolling your eyes and feeling your body burn from inside out as your walls clench around his cock. You keep the unstable movement of your hips, prolonging both of your orgasms until the two of you come down from the high.

Feeling a little dizzy from your post-orgasmic haze, you plop down on his shoulder to catch your breath, hearing the loud thumps of his rapidly beating heart. He places a sweet kiss on your temple and starts to stroke your hair. You two stay like this for some minutes, silently waiting for your pants to turn into steady breaths.

You need to hold back a whimper at the sudden emptiness when you get off of him to lay down by his side and look at his shiny blue orbs. You cup his sweaty face and stroke his cheekbone.

“You’re the only person in the world that can make me feel like this.” You whisper, and he understands what you mean.

He gives your thumb a light kiss and smiles softly. “I know. I’m sorry that I forgot it for a moment.”

“It’s okay, love. I’ll be pleased to remind you again and again, every single time you forget.” You grin and place a kiss to the top of his nose. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily."

And at this moment Bucky thinks that although he would never be perfect for you in society's eyes, he doesn’t care anymore. Yeah, he may not be the most admirable and put-together man that walks on this earth, but maybe what he is can be enough. Maybe the efforts he makes everyday with the sole intention of being a better man for you — even though not always successful — are enough. Maybe loving you with all his heart and trusting you unconditionally is enough. Perhaps one day the world will finally see him as something other than a monster and you will finally be able to tell the world that he is yours — like he knows you want to do —, but while it doesn't happen, he is satisfied to have only you thinking he’s worthy and good. Because, at the end of the day, you are the one that matters. You will always be the only one that matters.

[buckrecs]

been feeling a little down lately and was wondering if you know some fics where bucky comforts reader?

Bucky Comforts Reader

masterlist | req masterlist

Hold Me by @buckyalpine

Bucky comforts you when you’re having a bad day.

Sad by @softlyspector

The reader, who has struggled with depression all her life, slips back into that deep sadness. Bucky is worried and tries his best to help.

Bad Day Comfort by @wkemeup

Eclipse by @wkemeup

When a mission leaves you empty and broken, Bucky is determined to heal the wounds that linger deeper than the cuts on the surface. 

Nightmare by @sleepypanda27

Bucky comforts you after you have a bad nightmare.

Sad by @sleepypanda27

When you aren't feeling your best, Bucky is right there by your side.

Heartstrings by @sleepypanda27

When Y/n thinks that she is not good enough, Bucky proves her otherwise.

Late Night Talks by @buckychrist

When a night takes a turn for the worst, there’s only one person in the world you want to talk to, and you find him laying down in the bedroom next to yours.

eyes on the screen by @kinanabinks

bucky comfort where we watch some sitcom like family guy and just chill with some kisses at the end.

I’m Here by @foreverindreamlandd

Bucky supports the reader during a depressive episode.

Dropped Pens & Bee Stings by @foreverindreamlandd

Reader is having a day where nothing seems to be going her way. Nothing some TLC from her mans Bucky Barnes can’t fix.

Together by @sgtjbuccky

In where you’re feeling like the world is collapsing against you, and everything you do in life is never enough. You feel inadequate to everyone around you, but Bucky is here to remind you that you’re the greatest there is. 

Nobody Else by @the-bau-quinjet

Reader is stressed about college and Bucky is there to help.

under the weather by @dirtychocolatechai

Failure to Launch by @thenhewaswrongaboutme

You go radio silent for a day, and Bucky comes to check on you. He doesn't know exactly what you need, but he tries his best to help.

Imagine by @t-lostinworlds

“hey... you've been crying.”

[museandwords]

coming soon to a blog near you. FULL FIC HERE!

-----

You are quite proud to say you have successfully survived any and all encounters with one James Buchanan Barnes after that. 

He frequents the diner normally with Steve, or his sisters or – and the most disappointing of them all – his dates. 

And, you learn against your will, that Bucky indeed goes on lots of dates. Which, you suppose you should’ve known.

You never serve him when he comes in with a girl because when he comes in you're either on a break or you haven't clocked in yet or you're just ending your shift, and you're thankful for it. 

You know that you wouldn’t be able to be the friendliest you could be when he brings girl after girl through those double doors and orders milkshake after milkshake. 

It doesn’t take you long to come to the conclusion that the tiny little crush you harbored for him turned into a not-so-tiny-and-little crush. 

It was big, bigger than anything you've ever felt for a man, for sure. 

So every time Bucky Barnes came in with a new girl under his arm, you could feel yourself deflate just a little more. 

They’re never the same girl. 

Every few weeks Bucky comes in with a new one tucked into him. 

One thing you do notice is that it seems Bucky just likes women, they have no particular similarities; blondes, brunettes, girls with hair as black night. Wide brown doe eyes, siren-like blue eyes, and everything in between. Bucky just really seems to appreciate women. 

But the thing is…they’re always older than you.

[starrybxcky]

When my auto correct changes Bucky to yucky 😭 imagine accidentally saving his contact like that without realizing and he sees it- cue the big puppy eyes in your direction. He doesn’t say anything about it either 🥺

[cevans-seb]

Bucky FWB Drabble Pt 2

A/N: This is part 2 of 3. It was going to be one part but I am exhausted and wanted this out.

—-

Here you are again, tangled with Bucky as his softly snores in your ear. Since that day, your rotation stayed the same with him only calling when he wanted to have sex or needed an excuse to leave his friends. Your own heart and pussy betrayed every other part of your body because of this cruel man who peacefully slumbers beside you.

You feel fresh tears prick your eyes as you ponder your next move. It has been a few months since the sex felt intimate…hell, your toy gave more pleasure than Bucky has. He was always selfish, but this was low even for him. Glancing over at him, you wonder if you could suffocate him and pass it off as an accident because not only has he become more selfish but his jealousy rose to a new height. The man oozes green mist whenever a man is near you, as if he doesn’t still entertain other women. He might’ve not fucked Natasha that night but a rumor has been swirling around about him and the new commander, Maria.

Adjusting your bonnet, you huff out in frustration when he rolls over his back facing you. You knew that your wit ends was near between Bucky’s shitty attitude and your overall despartion for his love, although you felt you were competing in an unfair game. It was time to quit. Bucky was never going to change. He never saw you more than a warm body that became accessible to him whenever he needed a fix, but not anymore. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you to love fully.” You whispered. And with a heavy heart, you slid out of bed.

Leaving his house was a mission within itself, it was difficult skimming the room for your clothes since James has a deep hatred apparently towards sweaters and panties-which you are looking for now. While you searched you failed to notice how close you were to his bedside lamp and just as luck was on your side, it vanished when it shattered.

“Shit,” you cursed as Bucky groaned.

“Are you okay, princess.” It rolled off his tongue with ease, he stretched his long limbs while you stood frozen in place. “We can clean it up later, and come back to bed.” He reached out for you.

“I think I’ll head home, James. I shouldn’t have spent the night anyway.” You heard him mummer something under his breath but decided to ignore it for your own sanity. “And I don’t wanna argue tonight, princess. I want to hold you so come here.” There goes that nickname again. It felt superficial coming from him. “I’m serious. I’m going home and I’m not doing this with you anymore. Whatever this farce is, it’s over. Which means no more late night calls, sext, or nudes. We’re over, Bucky.” You heaved. “Done with not being your number one person.”

Bucky was wide awake now.

His gears churned with your words bouncing off in his head as he felt his own heart lurch out of his chest and onto his lap. “Why do we have to complicate things, baby? We have fun shouldn’t that be enough.” He asked. “No James, think about it for one second. I have clothes, a toothbrush, and a fucking bonnet in your house but all I am to you is a fuck buddy! I want to make it work with you but you don’t fucking care about me. I’m tired of being just a hole to you.” You cried out, clutching your chest as all what you were thinking about flew out of your mouth. This stunned Bucky, his mouth agape. “Goodbye James,” you took in his silence before walking out of his room.

_____

[stuckysbike]

Howl 4

Werewolf!Bucky x Werewolf!Reader

Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader (for now).

Warnings: werewolf Bucky, werewolf Steve, werewolf Nat, dark themes. Mature, 18+. Exes to lovers (hopefully), violence.

“He thinks if we’re a family he’ll get power, he wants me to be his mate, so I can be bait,” you suggested eventually.

The truck had stopped out of sight of Rumlow’s place. Part of you wondered if this was a trap, it felt too easy but you also knew Rumlow wasn’t prone to thinking things through, hence his obsession with the idea that acting as Jamie’s father would melt him an alpha.

When no one protested your chest felt hollow. Bucky was driving now and Steve was beside you but they didn’t look your way, probably relieved you suggested it. Once upon a time you had friends and family and now, because of one stupid mistake, because you believed one lie, you had nothing but Jamie.

And you were about to lose him too.

Bucky would never let the boy go, not now, and Steve would do whatever Bucky asked. You would be around sure, but on the edge of the pack. You hadn’t been cunning enough or brave enough to fight back in your teenage years. You ran away and that was unforgivable.

Some wolf you were. Your ancestors would be ashamed of you. You hung your head in shame, sending a prayer to them begging their forgiveness.

“We can mask our scents,” Steve said as Bucky pulled over.

“He’s a beta so he’ll take longer to notice you,” your hands shook. You were terrified, but your priority was Jamie.

As you got to the door, you balked, but you pushed on. A tear slipped out but you brushed it away, reaching for the door knocker. You noticed your poor cuticles were ragged, and your hands looked worn with bitten nails. You probably didn’t smell that good either but you didn’t think Rumlow would care.

“I knew you’d come around eventually pretty,” Rumlow opened the door his greedy eyes sweeping over you. “Boys in his room. Upstairs.”

You nodded and started to head for the stairs but he caught your hair and yanked you back. You yelled out in pain and shock. He spoke, his coffee stained breath wafting over your face.

“Not so fast, I’ll be claiming you first,” he shoved you towards the back of the house and down a flight of stairs. “Soundproofed. So we don’t traumatise the boy.”

You pushed him away with all your strength and turned to face him. Rumlow smirked as he came closer, pressing his face almost against yours. “Boo!”

“I won’t run for you,” you said. You had a few scraps of dignity and you refused to let go of them.

“You will,” he shoved you back twisting you to face away from him.

“I’d rather wither and die,” you snarled over your shoulder. His hand curled around your neck and he shoved you forward until you hung over his work bench.

“Bitch,” he snarled as he cupped your throat.

There was a boom and a crash upstairs and Rumlow pulled you up.

“What have you done?” He yelled in your face, spit flying everywhere.

“Don’t move,” a strong voice commanded. An alpha. It was Steve coming down the stairs. He had a gun in his hand and his eyes were on both of you.

“Whore,” Rumlow hissed at you.

“Let her go and we’ll leave her here for you,” Steve said. Someone followed him into the room. It was Bucky.

“We just want the boy and we’ll go,” Bucky added. He was carrying a gun himself, and it was trained on both of you.

Your eyes widened for a fraction. They were going to leave you here, they were willing to leave you to his mercy. You trusted them to save you not leave you to a monster.

“The boy is mine,” Rumlow said. You felt his claws dig into your throat. “I’ll kill her if you come any closer.”

“Go ahead, barely remember her anyway, mediocre one night stand,” Bucky took another step closer. “My advice is not to waste your time Pal.”

You cried out as his hand tightened and blood trickled down your throat. He was calling Bucky’s bluff. You were going to die.

“Tell Jamie I love him,” you whispered.

“Got him!” A female voice yelled from upstairs. It was Natasha.

Rumlow yelled and went to launch for Bucky but Bucky knocked him to the side easily, then twisted him onto the floor, grasping a handful of his hair and snarling quietly in his ear. You swore you heard the words “my girl” but there was so much going on that it must have been misheard.

“Buck,” Steve warned. Bucky snarled again and shook Rumlow’s hair then pushed his face onto the floor.

Bucky stood and shook his shoulders, dark angry eyes flirting around the room. You gasped at the darkness in his look, swallowing your anxiety down when his eyes locked with yours. A moment later two of the pack were hurrying forward and restraining Rumlow as he struggled.

“You okay?” Bucky asked softly as he took your hand.

You wobbled, wavering on the spot and then you were in his arms, Bucky catching you as your knees buckled. “Hey, hey, easy,” he whispered as he stroked your back.

There was a commotion upstairs and a yelp and suddenly Jamie was wrapped around your legs, an adorable growl emanating from his chest.

“Hey Baby,” you said as he looked up at Bucky, his blue eyes narrowing. You stroked his hair glad to see he at least looked okay. He pressed his head into your hand.

“She’s my mama,” he said possessively. He puffed his little chest out ready to fight for you and tears welled in your eyes.

Bucky nodded. “You’re right. She is,” Bucky agreed as he lowered himself to Jamie’s height.

“You’re my dad,” Jamie said with narrowed eyes.

“How did you know that?” Bucky asked his voice awed. He was dying to reach out, to touch but he didn’t want to spook Jamie. His hand was still on your leg though keeping you as a light barrier between them.

“Mama talks about you all the time,” Jamie said.

“Let’s do a deal kid, let me help you with your mama and then you and I can talk about whatever you want?”

Jamie narrowed his eyes again assessing Bucky carefully, then held his hand out for Bucky to shake. Bucky took his hand and then Jamie surprised everyone by hugging Bucky.

You drifted into a daze as Jamie took your hand and pulled you forward. “Let’s get away from the bad man,” he glared Rumlow’s way and stuck his tongue out as he led you up the stairs, Bucky and the pack in tow.

—————

Jamie sat between you and Bucky in the backseat. You listened as Jamie interrogated his father, his curiosity shining through.

Bucky and Natasha had softened but Steve still glared at you via the rear view mirror from time to time. You tried to avoid his eyes but you still felt his anger.

Bucky asked you to stay with him and when you got to his home Winnifred and Rebecca were there already making up the spare rooms eager to meet Jamie.

And Jamie, he was thrilled. He’d missed having a family and you stood back and watched your boy bond with them. Both Barnes women pointedly ignored you so it was easy to slip away to the kitchen.

Your hands shook as you sipped on a glass of water.

“You okay?” Bucky asked.

You nodded. “I’m just really tired,” you admitted.

It was true, you were emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. Your last few years had been hell as you tried to protect Jamie from threats and now that you were here you felt like you might fall apart, but you were at Bucky’s mercy.

“Look, why don’t you go lie down,” Bucky suggested. You shook your head.

“I can’t. Jamie needs me,” you said.

Bucky didn’t argue but he rubbed your back. “Then go take a hot shower and change into something comfortable. I’ll be here with Jamie. I won’t let anything happen to him.” When you hesitated he tilted his head to the side. “He’ll be here when you get out.”

You nodded and headed off to the room made up for you grateful for a private space to relax in.

Next

[darsynia]

Sneak Peek: Shipping and Handling Ch 2

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: There’s a chance you and Steve aren’t the only people dealing with the strange chemical bond from Mistress, so you agree to submit to daily tests that should help Dr. Banner figure out what’s happening, and maybe how to stop it. The problem? Seeing each other every day brings a new set of side-effects that both of you hide from each other and Banner until things come to a head– not just for the two of you, but also for the man who has to deal with you: Bucky Barnes. Length/Warnings: 451 words for the snippet / Mentions of sex acts Minors DNI

Chapter posted either tomorrow or Monday. Finally some Bucky PoV!

“You practically knelt down in front of him. Take pity, will you Doll?” 

Bucky only realizes the endearment after he’s said it aloud, and to minimize the damage, he clenches his jaw and twists his lips into an inconsequential smile.

It doesn’t work.

“You’ve never called me that before,” you say, your lovely eyes lit with surprise and something else, something he shouldn’t be looking for. 

Gruffly, he says, “Really?” It’s a shut-down tactic, because people are much less likely to elaborate on something they’re uncertain over. He maximizes its effect by leaning down to examine the oven door, which is indeed fucked. 

“Really. I liked it, don’t worry.” Your voice is soft. “Looks like you’ll be needing these menus, I doubt the stove is kitchen rated with the door off! Come on, I’m sure Steve is going to be hungry when he shows back up.”

Are… you joking about what Steve’s doing in his room right now? Bucky lunges over to block your way out of the kitchen. The shirt you’re wearing smells like the detergent he and Steve use, and something about smelling Steve on you sends heat straight to his groin.

He really should’ve punched Banner, too.

“What?” 

“Are you sure you want everything out in the open?” You look at him, uncomprehending, and Bucky’s a hypocrite, because there’s no way any of what he’s been thinking about lately can be in the open.

You’re shaking your head at him. “I don’t--”

Bucky grips the doorframe so tightly it gives a little under his metal hand. “He’s jerking off in there. He’d only do that while we’re waiting out here because he has to. If he comes out here and you make a comment like that, he’ll feel guilty for--”

“--weeks. Maybe forever. Shit.” you interrupt. He pushes off from the door to let you pass, and you continue; “Banner seemed certain that the… intensity was because we’d spent those two weeks apart, but this is--” You break off and drop the pile of menus on the dining room table with a long-suffering sigh. “I’m really worried it’s going to be untenable, but then I remember all the people out there this could happen to, you know?”

Bucky nods toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms, where Steve is probably touching himself right now. “Is that the 'untenable' you’re talking about?”

Your face wrenches in embarrassment, eyes closed, and you nod. Because he doesn’t want to go through this whole ordeal without some amusement at his own expense, he says, “There are two bedrooms, if you need to borrow mine? You know where it is.”

[samwontshare]

Chapter 3 of my SarahBucky WIP is up.

~9k, 3/? Chapters, so far we've just kissed

Romance, grief and trauma recovery, falling in love and making out on boats, humor

In this chapter: Sarah confessing her worries to her best friend, drunk!Sarah, drunk texts we later regret, moving through grief, talking out feelings with Sam

------

“You found some brand new, certified fresh dick, ain't that right?” 

“T!” Sarah laughed and swatted her arm. “Okay, you know Sam’s friend–”

“Did you fuck a Howling Commando, sis?” 

“Why are you trying to kill me, I ain’t even told you nothing yet!” Sarah exclaimed, her face hot. Everybody in Delacroix was talking about Sam’s new sidekick, Bucky Barnes. What did she expect? “And no, thank you, I did not.” 

“Why go all the way to Disneyland when you can ride an Avenger right here in the parish?” 

[just-give-stucky]

Tw: body dysmorphia

Something that really bothers me is when people say Bucky “put on weight” in Civil War.

Just for reference here’s a side by side of Bucky in ca:tws and in ca:cw

I mean there is basically no difference. Sebastian Stan has been pretty upfront with having issues with body dysmorphia and comments like that will obviously make it worse. I mean everyone knows about the impossible body standards that are put on women, I wish people would recognize that this also effects men. Like in order to get this shot

Chris Evans had to be incredibly dehydrated. Also they had him wear shirts that were so small they physically hurt him. Maybe I’m just over sensitive about this because I have issues with body dysmorphia as well

[carcrash429]

Jersey

picking up directly from the previous snippet I wrote for @therealjambery :

Bucky took a quick status check. The light had faded without him noticing, day now edging close to night. Which meant he’d missed dinner. 

He’d spent years ignoring his body’s needs for the sake of other people and it was easy to ignore them now for the sake of his own mind. Easy not to realize you’ve spent the twelve hours since dawn in the same spot, reading. Easy to miss meals that way.

It hadn’t been a problem for a while, but that was less to do with himself and more to do with Clint nagging everyone into eating properly. He had taken it upon himself to deal with dinner every evening, sometimes with Jason’s help, sometimes without, occasionally takeout, but usually homecooked.

Clint wasn’t particularly good at cooking, nor did he actually seem to enjoy the process that much but he had a thing about food. Bucky could see the shape of it, a little bit, in the way he kept the pantry stocked with shelf-stable goods and hid little caches of snacks all around the apartment. 

Bucky wasn’t gonna ask. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t like the answer to the question. 

It wasn’t relevant right now, anyway. If Clint had his door closed then he wasn’t cooking dinner and Bucky and Jason were going to have to deal with feeding themselves.

“If his door’s closed then he doesn’t want to be bothered,” Bucky finally answered brusquely. “You hungry? Maybe he’ll come out if he smells that we’ve ordered pizza.”

[fandomfluffandfuck]

"You feel better if you look better"

It's time for some 1940s Bucky (and stucky) insecurity theorizing(?)...

"You feel better if you look better," is a quote I've heard my entire life. The meaning is essentially, if you take pride in your appearance and put effort into making yourself look how to want to look you are way more likely to feel better about yourself. As opposed to not caring or thinking about what you look like and then throwing on whatever you have or maybe not showering, not brushing your teeth, or not getting haircuts, etc. (whatever hygiene/self care thing that comes to mind) then because of not doing those things, you think you don't like yourself, as opposed to realizing you're just not enjoying yourself as much as you could.

It crosses over heavily with the "dress for the job you want, not the job you have" idea in my head. All about self confidence and projection of who you are/who you want to be.

Anyway, I heard that quote again recently and instantly in my head I saw pre-war Bucky. I don’t know why. I just know I instantly saw Bucky, brown hair and pale gold skin, standing at the rusty, worn vanity in that tiny, original Brooklyn apartment they had together. Whistling a tune to himself, looking through a cracked mirror with flaking gold leaf edges (a hand-me-down from his Aunt) at his own reflection as he got ready to go out dancing on a Friday night. His heart thumping in his chest and his mouth practicing lazy, easy smiles with youth-plumped lips, soft from the vaseline he put on before bed last night.

And you know what I thought? What else I thought, other than Bucky combing his hair, practicing his lines, getting ready...

I thought about how we sometimes say in this fandom that Bucky accepted Steve post-serum so fast because now his outsides just match his insides and that he was happy (or he told himself he was happy) that now dames could see what he'd seen all along. Now that Steve's appearance matched his mind... maybe he'd get a gal to settle down with after the war (ignoring the strange heart break that Bucky felt even thinking that) and everything would be good. Him and his lady would have some blonde-haired, blue-eyed babies with cute crooked teeth and endearing lisps. Steve would paint in vivid, full color now they they fixed his eyes. He wouldn't instantly cough with the smell of paint thinner and sealant and have to crack the windows or face an asthma attack. His lady would cook mean dinners and would invite Bucky 'round for dinner, knowing Steve needs some companion other than his art and knowing that the kids love him so. Yeah. He'd get a gal... Life would be good. Steve would get what he deserved, not what other's handed off to him, bent and beat up from their own use. Second hand.

Steve would get what he deserved.

But do you ever think maybe Bucky dressed himself so nice, swaggering around and doing his hair just so with pomade, so, so charming all the time, mouth dripping in honey, because, yes, of course, it was part of social life/social performance at the time but also because he felt he couldn't ever be as golden as Steve was inside? He's gilded instead. Steve is a precious metal hidden in gritty dust, just needing a little shine. Bucky feels like he is dipped in gold and all dust and rock inside. The opposite. The moon to the sun. Lackluster once you have seen them both; the cold, shy moon always pales in comparison to the glorious flames and warmth of the sun.

Steve is so good and Bucky felt he wasn't so good, nowhere close, but, hey, he can dress well and talk well and distract himself from those feelings. He can distract everyone else from his short-comings with extra performance too.

And those feelings that get, oh, only about a million times worse after he returns from the shackles of death itself, from HYDRA, from being locked inside his own head, imprisoned and remade from the ashes of himself... only the same in vague outline. He returns quickly to the routine of grooming. Self-soothing in a way. And Steve sees Bucky being Bucky in these reforming patterns. So he is overjoyed with the new hair products cluttering their bathroom and the time Bucky spends in front of the mirror (nevermind the fact that when Bucky looks in the mirror he's seeing dark circles and pale skin and scars and the fragile amalgamation of a shattered, splintered man)...

Bucky eventually is able to indirectly admit these feelings and habits to his therapist. It is slowly and painfully dragged out of him, like wisdom teeth, broken into little peices and then still pried out with pliers because those feelings are stubborn, stuck in your jaw and aching. Part of your skeleton. You do not want to let them go.

After admittance, Bucky tries a new method of doing good for yourself to feel good about yourself that includes very similar routines but excludes the mirror. He doesn't often look at himself and he practices watching the way Steve looks at him rather than comparing himself to Steve's, well, everything. Because he is so... everything. So good at everything. Bucky can, maybe, be good at somethings too. He can learn.

(Psst, like this)