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#instead of responding to every dumb anon I get I’m just gonna post this
exhuastedpigeon · 4 months
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Have you considered that maybe I like that character because they’re fucked up? What’s the fun in a perfect character? Why would you try to fix them? Let them be worse. Let them keep digging the hole they’re in. Let them break. Let them ruin their life and have to figure out how to put it back together.
It’s fiction, it’s entertaining to see characters suffer. It would be so boring if they only made rational choices.
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aemiron-main · 1 year
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I think a lot of the issues people have with your Henry theories is that you so strongly believe in them (which is great! We all should believe in our own theories otherwise what’s the point lol) but then you and the other theorists so firmly believe that it’s canon and that everything you say is 100% truth and every single detail you’ve discovered is all gonna come out in s5 and anyone who either a) doesn’t believe in these theories or b) doesn’t understand/doesn’t see it is so stupid bc to you it’s like duh it’s obvious! And you’ve ‘cracked the code!’ or whatever and that comes across as rude and snobby to some and I think that’s where you lose a lot of people instead of gaining people to believe in your ideas too.
Sorry if this sounds really rude! I’m just trying to throw an outside perspective on it lmao.
Anon, I get what you're saying but here's the thing. I don't fully believe that. I don't fully believe that everything I say is gospel. I have repeatedly, publicly, retracted posts and said "I WAS WRONG!!!" when I notice something that isn't accurate. I am already WELL aware that some things aren't going to be in S5 and that I'm wrong about some things. But the stuff I feel strongly that I'm right about, I'm passionate about! Maybe I'd be less "rude" about it/veer less into "it's 100% right" territory if I didn't have people constantly telling me that it's 100% wrong even when it comes down to things that are literally confirmed by ST production. I also don't think that people who don't understand are stupid, so let's please be very clear about that. What I think is stupid is when people criticize posts without even TRYING to read them or ask for clarification. I think not even making an ATTEMPT to understand is stupid. I think that assuming that you know better than the ST production team themselves & what they've said about their work because you went to ~film school~ is stupid. The stuff that I think is obvious is when I've taken the time to lay things out repeatedly for certain people, and not just things that are up for interpretation but things that are STONE COLD FACT from the mouths of ST production themselves about their costuming and VFX work and people still act like their personal opinion overrides those facts.
I don't think people are dumb for not seeing things- I think they're dumb for not even being willing to try and look because they've already made their own biased judgements. I DO think people are stupid for posting about how Henry's inherently evil and how anyone who believes otherwise is crazy/stupid, especially when theyre unwilling to even consider the other side of things.
I absolutely agree that everyone should believe in their theories too- and I think that people should also be open to changing their beliefs when presented with new evidence. But for the majority of my stuff, I have yet to be presented with compelling evidence contradicting it that doesnt just boil down to "oh it's a production error".
And me being EXCITED about things isn't me trying to be snobby. I've literally posted about "cracking this code" or whatever and then retracted the post 5 minutes later because I found evidence that contradicted it. Most of the time I'm just being dramatic in that regard. And I also word my posts like essays with a thesis statement- so even when I'm not actually 100% sure if something's going to be canon, I word it as if it is because I'm trying to make the point about how it would be canon/again, writing it like a persuasive essay.
But when I'm not just being dramatic, I'm usually responding to a ton of vagueposts or unposted anons about how I'm a dipshit pedophile apologist and how everything in this show is a production error, and THAT is when the frustration comes into play. I AM very passionate when I believe I'm right about something and that I have the evidence to back it up, No need to apologize! I appreciate the perspective but I also don't see a need to censor myself & my excitement because people might think it's rude. Personally, I think the constant vagueposting and throwing the word pedophile around simply for analyzing a tv show is pretty rude. I hope this clears things up. I spent a long time on here watering down my posts with "well i might be wrong BUT" and I'm not doing that anymore because I'd hope that people would use their brains and understand that I'm just Some Guy and my posts are just My Analysis Based On The Evidence We Have. People don't have to listen to me. I don't care if they do. What frustrates me/when I do care is when it comes down to people dragging me for things I'm not even saying (such as acting like I'm saying that even if Henry did all those things, It's Totally Fine and Okay). I think EVERYONE should post their opinions firmly and strongly, and still be willing to change their opinions. I post my opinions firmly because I'm not afraid of being wrong- if I was afraid of being wrong I'd preface every post with "oh this might be wrong however-". But I'm not afraid of being wrong. I just move onto the next thing/next piece of evidence when I am. Sorry for being passionate about a subject I guess???? No yknow what I'm not sorry!!!!
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formulinos · 3 years
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i swore to myself since the fradulent voter issue i would avoid addressing too much any other possible issues in this thing because laying low is usually the best but @pierregasiy actually said in the tags of one of their posts that it was better than silence and vagueposting so i just want to make a few things clear. 
1) the post was done and posted. you can't fix a broken mirror, you can try to pick the pieces together and make it as better as possible. people voiced their concerns and feelings towards it to op, who responded the way they thought it was suitable, i can't put words in people's mouths so i'm not gonna try to be presumptuous and apologise for anyone (who might even want or not want to apologise tbh). i can say for myself that i felt a bit "oh :(" and laughed a tiny bit too but didn't take too much into heart as i felt seb had gotten his plugs and all and it was a bit tongue in cheek. after i saw the complaints about it and some posts about how personal it was for people, i could see where they were coming from and why it hit some nerves and it was def something that once it sinks in, it sinks in. i don't take it personally from op but i get why people would.
2) that being said, it got too personal too quick and i think it really highlights the ability of people of actually communicating person to person. if i don't like a post around here, i try to unfollow the person, or talk to them, or talk to my friends about it to process it. there is a lot of pride on how supposedly the f1blr community is a bit more levelheaded than reddit or twitter or whatever, and i think that in some parts that's true because of the demographics of each website, but then you have people who instead of using their blogs to send people messages saying "hey, i didn't like your post. knock it off" they send it via anon, which basically cuts any possibility of a proper reply and most importantly, a conversation. during landogates i've seen a lot of shit hot takes but tbh i admire the people who talked "url to url" with each other about it and who didn't hide and were ready to take the flack. 
it's even worse because when i saw discussions with tons of reblogs etc, it was just flat out argument over personal stuff like "oh you're low" "oh you want me to die" and every single post after post after post just made it bigger than necessary. you had stuff like "if seb/pierre knew you they would hate you" and christ. oh my god. to make things worse, poor lewis who didn't have nothing to do with this got mixed into the blend with some lowkey-highkey racist remarks AND people managed to lump in very sensitive family matters from op like this is the lowest of low. absolutely vile and while i know #NotEverySebFan and #NotEveryPierreFan did it, it's a proper moment for everyone to log off and delete their accounts for a second. i can't even start to discuss about how incredibly upsetting this is all happening because of a dumb competition i started but also i am completely aware this is no longer just a local thing from my blog and unfortunately i can't control further than what i already did and am doing every day because there are new issues everyday since Friday. i can only say i'm sorry and also i am aware that many are way more hurt than i am now so well. everyone copes the way they can but this is my way of saying that, as the organiser, i want nothing but distance from everyone who managed to turn this into a living hell and if i had my way then the energy we would have would be the one from the beginning of last week. 
3) at last, on a personal note properly speaking, i have seen around some stuff about how the tournament sucks for this or that reasons. i think it's valid that this isn't the cup of tea for some, and i'm not gonna try to defend myself or the tournament from it, i know what my intentions were (fight off boredom, have fun, not think too deep about certain aspects of f1) and weren't (disrespect any of the drivers involved in it). while i respect people's opinions, i would like for my work in here to be respected too because i think that between organising this in several matches, creating graphics and dumb texts to go with them to make sure that this felt like an AU-y thing and make sure it has distance from reality and also making sure things were ran as fairly as possibly with all the stuff i caught and tried to make things right, i think the people who have been around enough know that this was well organised and not tacky so far. today was a major fucking hiccup of clusterfuck proportions and the fact it's the third or fourth day in a row something happens is exhausting. my friends don't know anymore how to give me support and i don't know how to talk to people and make sure everyone is heard either. 
so there you go. please don't send any of the users around here who have been talking about this any further hate regardless of the side they are on, don't get racist because it's not cute, sleep on it a bit and then tomorrow if the wounds are still sore then talk about it as normal people please. my apologies to everyone who got in the way of this horrible hubris, i hope this goes without further hiccups until the end sincerely.
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You’ve Got Mail: Jungkook One Shot
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Request: Hi! I really love your writings! If your requests are still open, can you pls write a Jungkook story? Ex-lovers in high school where he broke up with her because he got bored or something like that. Then they met again in university and wants her back again. (Angst but happy ending pls). Thank you!
Description: After a messy breakup with high school heartthrob Jeon Jungkook, you swore off dating once you got into college. Even though it left you lonely, it was easier than being hurt. But one fateful blind date changes everything for you, and you realize that maybe isolation isn’t the answer either.
Word Count: 12.9k
Pairing: Jungkook x (gender neutral) Reader
Tags: Barista!Reader, Graphic Design Student!Jungkook, Non-Idol!Au, Ex-Lovers to Enemies to Lovers (? I guess? Haha)
Genre: Whole lotta angst, fluffy ending
Warnings: None!
A/N: It’s been two weeks since I’ve posted wtf!! But I’m back and less than a week away from the Rose Bowl concert, holy cow. This ask has been in my inbox for MONTHS, so I need to say thank you to the anon who sent it for waiting so long! I really enjoyed this request, so I hope you guys like it too!
Also, if you want to follow me on Twitter please do so! My handle is @/plzpunchmebts. I would post a link, but rumor has it Tumblr killed links and I’m not taking any chances. I’ll be posting concert videos and pics there, so please give it a follow if you’d like to see that!
- Mercury
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You were never too keen on blind dates. Everything about them felt…artificial. It wasn’t that you were a romantic, not especially, but you had to admit that being forced on a date by meddlesome friends took some of the magic out of dating. When Sua had mentioned a cute new boy in her class who was too busy studying to date, you had to admit the red flags began waving in your mind. Of course, you could relate. College was taxing and it was difficult to find time to even eat three meals, let alone date. Perhaps if things had cropped up organically, you’d have been more excited. But the forced union was a little cumbersome.
The nerves and the insecurity and the fear, none of it was especially fun. But Sua had been adamant that the two of you would hit it off, and with her eyes round and expectant, her brows raised, and her lips pouted, you really didn’t have any room to deny her. You figured one night of discomfort was better than months of guilt, and even though you figured things wouldn’t work out with this mystery man, you’d humor your friend. After all, making friends in college wasn’t easy.
Making friends in general wasn’t easy.
You sighed as you waited with your chilly hands clasped around your phone, standing at the entrance to the subway station where Sua had instructed. The mouth of the entrance was muggy with exiting passengers as the wave of people clambered up the steep stairs and onto the street, lined on all sides by buildings that reached the sky. Every now and again, someone would graze their shoulder against yours without apology, or perhaps step on the toe of your sneaker. You took a few inching steps backward, glancing over your shoulder to be sure you wouldn’t hit anyone. Not that they’d care. You backed up until you were out of the streamline and instead took up a quieter spot beside a fish cake vendor.
You checked your phone once again, furrowing your brow. Sue said eleven, didn’t she? You pulled up your messages and scrolled through carefully, head tilted to the side as you read her most recent text.
Sua: He said he’s running a little late, but he told me to tell you to wait.
You: I am waiting…
Sua: He says he’s sorry and that the subway is close to the terminal now.
You: That’s good.
Sua: He says sorry again.
Sua: You know, this is kinda dumb. Let me just give you his number so you can text him.
Sua: 51-XXX-XX24
You pursed your lips and crossed your arms over your chest. Sua was right, anyway. Making her your proxy wouldn’t really do you much good, considering she wasn’t here to help you in person. But wouldn’t it be a bit forward to just…text this guy? You didn’t know him yet. And besides, what could you say that Sua hadn’t? Hey, I’m doing this out of obligation, sorry to disappoint! or you can just go back home now and we can tell Sua things didn’t work out. You shook your head and rubbed your fingertip along the screen of your phone, working your lower lip between your teeth. You were just looking for an out. And really, you didn’t want to bail after Sua had gone through the trouble of setting things up. Still, just texting a stranger was a little…
But then again, he’d agreed to the blind date too, hadn’t he? It wasn’t like you were someone he was forced to talk to. He’d come on his own accord. Rubbing your bare forearm in the spring breeze with one hand, you used the other to tap the phone number and save it and, with only your index finger, drafted a slow message.
You: Hey, I’m Sua’s friend. I think we’re supposed to have a blind date today? Haha. That sounded kind of awkward…
Within seconds, your phone dinged with an incoming text and you jumped, nervous, before glancing at your phone once more.
Blind Date: Oh! Haha, hello. It wasn’t awkward at all. Ahh, I’m really sorry I’m late. I wasn’t looking where I was going and I bumped into a cyclist and he gave me an earful so I missed the first subway.
Blind Date: But I’m one stop away! You’re outside exit 2 right?
You: Yeah! I’m next to a fish cake stall. I’m wearing a red blouse, so you can’t miss me :-)
Damn, you thought, was that smiley face too much? You picked at the skin around your nail and glanced up to see the near-constant flow of people was still in full force, the subway exit spitting pedestrians onto the cement sidewalk in droves. You squinted a little, trying to keep a good visual on the staircase leading out. With a sigh, you leaned over your bag to slip your phone inside when it buzzed again. Despite yourself, your heart raced and you eagerly unlocked it to see if he’d responded.
Blind Date: Cute! Let’s get some fish cakes then before we go to the movie.
Blind Date: Ah, subway just pulled in! I’m only a few sweaty staircases away now~
Blind Date: :P
Without meaning to, you smiled a little. Your nerves settled as you leaned on your right foot, grinning softly at your screen. He seemed like a good guy, at least. You were relieved. After the jerks you dated in high school, you’d sworn off dating for a while. Maybe trying to cleanse your palate. It was…oddly refreshing to be talking to someone who didn’t make you feel like you weren’t all that important. Like you were disposable.
Still smiling, you responded with a simple text.
You: I’m excited to meet you :-D
“Y/N?” asked a familiar voice from beside you.
A voice that sent chills up your spine, and not the good kind.
You stiffened and turned, eyes wide, toward the one person you’d been hoping fervently to avoid for life. Standing with his big, brown eyes wide and his hair slightly windswept, Jeon Jungkook stared down at you like you were a ghost. Your lips parted and, heart hammering, you opened and closed your jaw a few times. What were you supposed to say to the boy who broke your heart when you were sixteen?
Years later and he was still the heartthrob he’d been back then, only now he looked…like a man. His cheekbones were prominent, strong jaw, heavy brow and a serious, toned build like he’d lived at the gym in the years between your meetings.
You swallowed hard and slipped your phone in your bag, crossing your arms and thus closing yourself to him. You glanced up at him with a furrowed brow. “Jungkook,” you said with a sigh. “I’m actually waiting here for someone and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea, so if you could-,”
“You’re on a blind date?” asked Jungkook, lips agape.
You shrugged, glancing down the sidewalk toward the open maw of the subway exit, squinting in the hopes of catching your date’s attention. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Wait, but-,”
You sighed and shut him up with a single look his way, sharp, venomous. “I’m gonna to wait someplace else if you’re gonna keep standing beside me.”
“No, it’s not-,”
You huffed and shuffled into the crowd once more, walking purposefully away from him, but Jungkook was hot on your tail and wouldn’t let you out of his sight. Every few paces, you’d glance over your shoulder and see him following you feverishly, angling himself through the narrow spaces between bodies. But you kept going, pushing through, until you were blocks away from the subway station and Jungkook was nowhere to be seen.
You exhaled long and slow, patting your chest to calm down, and veered off toward the shops on your right, taking cover beneath an awning. Something in your bag vibrated and you jumped. Shit. Your date. The spring day sun was warm on your hands as you fumbled with your bag, grabbing your phone once again.
Blind Date: Where did you go??
You gripped your nose bridge and exhaled through your nose. Of course he’d be confused. You were lucky he was nice enough to reach out at all after seeing you weren’t where you said you’d be. You typed your reply quickly, desperate not to hurt his feelings.
You: God, I’m SO sorry. I ran into someone…from a long time ago lol. I couldn’t shake him off, so I ended up down the street a few blocks. By a Burger King.
You: I’m making a really bad impression, huh? I’m sorry. Just…he’s the LAST person I wanted to see today, you know?
You: Or…well, ever haha.
You awaited a response with bated breath, brows knit, and chewed on the inside of your cheek. This blind date was a wild card, really. Since you didn’t know him yet, you didn’t know how he’d respond. And it wouldn’t be his fault if he decided you weren’t worth all the hassle. Honestly, you might’ve been a little relieved if that was the case. Running into Jungkook…it made you remember why you avoided dating.
But despite your expectations, your phone buzzed again and you jumped to grab it.
Blind Date: This person…you really didn’t want to see him?
You: No. It’s just a painful reminder of the past.
You: !!! God, I keep saying awkward things !!! Haha, please forget I said anything. Where are you?
Blind Date: No! It’s not awkward at all. I’m just…
Blind Date: I’m sorry you had to see him then, I guess.
You: Jeez…
You: You’re a really nice guy, aren’t you?
Blind Date: Haha! I don’t know about that…
Blind Date: How about we reschedule for another time? I get the feeling you wouldn’t really be up for a movie right now anyway.
You panicked, heart kicking up. Despite everything you told yourself, you were a little bit happy he was being so understanding. And even though you were scared, you wanted to see if…well…if maybe this guy might be different.
You shook your head. Of course you shouldn’t think that way. Putting your heart out there to be toyed with and thrown aside…you didn’t want to go through it. Not really. And what relationship could be worth all that? You sucked in your breath and typed a quick response, ready to cast Jungkook and this blind date into the banks of your memory to gather dust. Even if this guy did seem sweet…
So had Jungkook, at first.
You: Yeah. That’s probably for the best. I work at that coffeeshop on campus, so I’ll shoot you a text once I get my schedule. :-)
You: I’m sorry for all the trouble today. Seriously.
You sighed and turned on your heel toward the street. If you kept on this sidewalk for a few more blocks, you’d find exit 3. And from there, it was only a 20-minute subway ride home whereupon you could finally collapse on your couch and wait for this cursed weekend to be over.
But before you could take a single step, a text came.
Blind Date: It was no trouble. :D I just feel bad that you had an unpleasant experience…
You: Hey, it’s not your fault haha.
You: Oh yeah! I never gave you my name, did I?
Blind Date: No, actually. Haha.
You: It’s Y/N.
Blind Date: It’s nice to meet you again, Y/N.
Blind Date: You can call me Nochu.
You: … Nochu … ?
Blind Date: Haha, it’s weird huh?
Blind Date: It’s a nickname I prefer.
You: Ah! I see. I’ll call you that then.
You: Nochu.
Blind Date: Y/N :-)
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You stood and placed your hands on your lower back and stretched, groaning, a week later. Classes had been dragging lately and with several coworkers sick with a cold, you were one of the only employees left who wasn’t too ill to work. Your body felt like it was slowly failing you. Even your feet were sore from constantly running from place to place. And the quiet coffee shop before you made you feel like taking a long and well-needed nap. Mismatched chairs and bistro tables littered the trendy place and students congregated around the windows or the fireplace or the used bookshelf. Nobody really bothered you except to order or ask for to-go coffee sleeves. Mostly, you just stood there. For hours. Watching everything and nothing at once.
But today the energy was a little different. You’d heard from Sua that the graphic design students were approaching an important deadline, and from the looks of the crowd it seemed that deadline was heavy on everyone’s minds. Laptops and drawing tablets and plenty of coffee littered the tables as students chatted in small groups, none of them looking all too happy. You wondered what the project was, but didn’t want to bother Sua with a useless question. So instead, you just watched over customer’s shoulders as they added thick white lines to separate sections of illustrations or grabbed whole images with slender styluses and slid them to new spaces.
“Excuse me?”
You jumped and turned to the queue which up until moments ago had been completely empty. You made sure to manage your expression with a tight smile and bowed your head. “Sorry,” you said quietly, lifting your eyes to meet the customer.
And, to your shock and horror, you saw a familiar face amongst the group of thee college-aged boys. Jeon Jungkook stood in the middle, a half-pace behind the guy who had roused your attention, and if his expression was anything to go by, he was just as horrified to see you as you were to see him. You felt your back go perfectly straight, eyes wide and lips parted through which only shallow exhales escaped. Your palms grew sweaty and your heart thump-thumped to an uneven cadence.
“Um, what can I make for you?” you asked finally, managing a tight smile at the speaker of the group whose attention was affixed to the sign above your head, reading the menu with squinted eyes. “If you need more time…,” you hedged, avoiding Jungkook’s gaze which you felt burning circles into your face.
“Ah, no I’ve got it,” said the first guy with a polite smile your way. “I’ll have a green tea latte.”
You nodded and wrote it down on your notepad, just to keep things straight. Had your coworkers been stronger in their constitution, you’d have given the order to one of them to get started on. Perhaps you’d even get started yourself and leave the cashiering to them. But alas, you were alone and painfully aware of it.
“Will you be paying separately or together?” you asked, a tinge of hope in your voice. Please say together, please say together, please say together, you thought over and over, like an endless mantra.
The first boy chuckled and gave Jungkook’s shoulder a firm punch. “Like I’ll pay for these good-for-nothings,” he joked before returning his attention to you, smiling. He had a kind smile, but even that did little to ease your anxieties. You simply nodded and took his card as he stretched it out toward you.
The second guy approached, another brown-haired college kid with a polite grin and baggy spring clothes, and hummed. “I’ll do the caramel macchiato,” he said with a nod, fingers still clasping his chin as he scanned the menu and you scribbled his order. “Ah!” he said, pointing at you. You jumped, still on edge with adrenaline coursing through you, but quickly settled with a smile. “And a slice of banana bread.”
“Banana bread,” you mumbled to yourself as you wrote it. “Okay.”
The second handed you a credit card which you swiped quickly, eager to get this whole encounter over with. He took it back with a bow and a smile which you struggled to return because the moment you glanced over his shoulder you caught Jungkook’s gaze, intense, warm browns peering at you like you held answers he’d been searching for. Despite yourself, you blushed and glanced back toward your notepad.
Finally, the moment of reckoning arrived and your nerves made your hands a little shaky as they clasped the pen and paper. Your eyes wavered around the space between your own hands, measuring the empty air, desperate not to look at Jungkook again.
“Um…,” he mumbled, voice a low rumble in his chest. You almost wanted to squeeze your eyes shut altogether, even though you knew how dumb that’d make you look. “Can I get a strawberry smoothie?”
You almost laughed. It was so like him to come to a coffeeshop and order something like that. It was so like him to still have a weak palate when it came to bitter things. It was so like him to chase after you that day, to show up here on coincidence. It was so like him to be exactly who you remembered him to be. Exactly who he was back then.
Slowly, once you’d written his order down, you lifted your eyes and looked at him properly at last. He was dressed well, casual as you expected, all black as you expected, handsome as you expected. His hair was half-styled out of his eyes, and those eyes were the problem really. Dark and depthless, staring down at you with furrowed brow, jaw clenched. If anyone had doubts you two knew each other before, they’d certainly know now with the way he was watching you. The way he hadn’t taken his eyes off of you for even a second.
“That’s all?” you asked.
“Um…yeah,” he responded, blinking at you like he had more to say.
By then, his friends had begun setting up camp amongst the mismatched sofas and recliners, setting up their computers. You caught sight of a drawing tablet as its corner poked out the top of the first boy’s backpack. So they were design majors too? Maybe your blind date had met one of these guys, then. But wait. If his friends were, did that mean…
“You’re a design major?” you asked, unable to stop yourself.
But once you said it, you wished to suck the words back inside like tapioca balls through a straw because across Jungkook’s face flashed a brief glimmer of excitement, eyes wide, mouth already open and poised to respond.
“Yeah!” he said, smiling a little. “I…uh, well you remember how I liked to draw.”
You nodded, typing the total into your cash register. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Listen, Y/N, I’m really sorry about-,”
“Let’s not rehash things here,” you said, eyeing him from beneath your lashes, scanning the shop like a conspirator in search of any prying eyes, any listening ears. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We’ve both moved on so let’s just keep it at that.”
Jungkook shut his mouth and, after a long moment, sighed. “Alright,” he said, sounding defeated. You hazarded a glance up at him and found his eyes long-sighted, gazing down at the counter between you without really looking at it.
“It’ll be 3,500 won,” you said, holding out one hand towards him.
He blinked and shook his head a little, as if returning to himself, and yanked his wallet from the front pocket of his loose joggers. He pulled out a bill and handed it to you. 20,000. Was that the smallest bill he had on him? You examined it with a thinly-veiled scowl. Of course, he was probably making good money doing something impressive. That was Jungkook anyway. The type of guy who just…made things come to him. Like the universe responded to his will. You sighed and went to work on the old register, punching in the amount and sliding the bill inside. You produced his change to find him already bounding toward his friends with his broad back to you.
Panicked, you rushed to the side of the barista station and called out to him. “Hey! You forgot your change!” you shouted, cupping one hand around your mouth. A few patrons turned to look at you and Jungkook.
He barely glanced back at you when he said, “You can keep it.”
And suddenly you were blushing for a very different reason.
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That jerk, you thought to yourself as you watched him plug away at some ad he was working on on his tablet. Evening had fallen slowly upon the city of Seoul, and you wanted nothing more than to stroll out into the lavender evening, forgetting this whole unpleasant day. But instead, you had to wait for your coworker, Sora, to relieve you after making you work fifteen minutes past the end of your shift. Scowling, you kept a hawk’s eye on Jungkook and, unbeknownst to him, wished silent curses upon his head. I hope you go bald, you thought. Or worse, I hope you go out for fried chicken and you get only tendons. You crossed your arms and lolled your head to the side.
You shouldn’t have expected Jungkook to change. He’d always been a ‘my pace’ kind of guy. Maybe leaving that tip was his way of flexing his money to you. That he had enough money to just throw around at random baristas he used to hook up with in high school. Or maybe he was pitying you, looking down on you for working such a menial job. Either way, it made your blood boil. You felt the money crinkle in the pocket of your jeans with every step.
You’d briefly considered spitting in his smoothie, but you didn’t want to lose your job over Jeon Jungkook.
After all, you’d already lost your youth to the kid.
You glanced outside and watched the rainclouds gathering. Of course, you’d forgotten to bring an umbrella. It wasn’t like you’d checked the weather on the way out. Grumpily, you glanced down at your phone to check the time. Twenty minutes late now. What did Sora have to do that was so important? Normally, you’d complain to a friend. But Sua was about the closest you had these days and you weren’t sure you could trouble her with it.
But…were you really friends if you didn’t reach out to her from time to time?
Sighing, you glanced around the shop, making sure nobody was watching you, and unlocked your phone. So much had already happened that a quick message didn’t seem reasonable, but you couldn’t very well bury your head in your phone so after every few clicks you’d sweep your gaze around. You settled for an anxious few words between nervous glances at the rest of the shop. Realistically, you were off the clock anyway. But you didn’t want any bad Yelp reviews on your behalf.
You: Sua, on God today is cursed.
You waited a few moments for a response before growing impatient. Everything was taking forever today: that interaction with Jungkook, Sora taking over your shift, and now Sua not responding. Of course, she had no obligation to. She was probably busy with her own preparation much like the other graphic design students. You had no right to expect that of her.
Wasn’t that your problem from the start? Expecting too much?
Your phone buzzed in response as your mind began to drift toward melancholy thoughts and as you slid it open your eyes went wide and your fingertips chilled as the blood rushed to your cheeks.
Blind Date: Hah…I’m not Sua, but I am willing to listen if you need it…?
Blind Date: Was wondering when I’d hear from you.
Mortified didn’t even begin to cover it. You cupped a hand over your lips in horror, and just as you were about to melt into a pile of melted pride on the floor, the door swung open and a breathless Sora met your eyes with a nervous smile. You swallowed hard and pocketed your phone, offering Sora your full attention. He bowed his head to you, bending at the waist, as he approached the counter.
“I am so sorry for being late!” he shouted, loud enough for every patron to glance at him and, subsequently, you.
Your flushed face went beet red as Jungkook turned to stare at you, eyes wide. Of course, another embarrassing moment in front of that guy. “U-um, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” you said, waving your hands.
He sniffled and looked up at you, eyes red with impending tears. “I really didn’t mean to, but I fell asleep after class today and-,”
“Sora, it’s cool,” you said, removing your apron and hanging it on the rack behind you. “I’m gonna go now though so I can catch my subway.”
Sora stiffened and nodded, giving you a salute before scampering behind the counter and putting on his own apron. “I really am sorry!” he called after you.
You waved a hand and rushed out onto the sidewalk, lingering beneath the awning as the rain began to drizzle from overhead. You returned your attention to your phone, pushing your hair behind your ears so you could see properly, and swallowed your nerves.
You: I…am such an idiot.
You: I’m so sorry. I was at work and I’m not supposed to be on my phone, but I just…
You: Jesus, honestly you can just delete my number. I don’t think I can look at your contact anymore without cringing.
You were poised to take a step out into the rain when your phone vibrated again and you jumped to read it with barely shaking hands.
Blind Date: No! It’s okay. Seriously.
Blind Date: I can list dumber things I’ve done today alone.
Blind Date: Besides, sounds like you need someone to talk to anyway…?
You blinked at your phone screen a few times, cocking your head to the side. Somehow, his words had calmed you down, just a little. Your flaming cheeks were cooler now when you poked one with the pad of your finger. Your heart wasn’t a hammer against your ribcage. And as you glanced over your shoulder at the window into the coffeeshop, you found Jungkook was no longer in sight. With a few texts alone, things seemed a little better.
You: I won’t bore you with all of it, haha.
You: It was more of a Sua story anyway I think.
You: I’m trying to break through that kinda hesitant first stage of friendship with her and
You: Well anyway, I’m sorry to bother you. Hope you’re doing good?
Blind Date: Haha, hey I get it. Friendships are weird. Took me a while to make any real friends this year since I was so shy.
You: You were shy?
Blind Date: Oh big time. I still don’t really know how to approach people without saying or doing something wrong.
Blind Date: Like today. I think I came across like an asshole to someone.
Blind Date: That happens a lot actually -_-
Blind Date: Being nervous makes me act weird.
You: Really? You sound really confident over text.
Blind Date: Haha really? That’s good to hear at least.
Blind Date: I’m about the least confident person I know.
Blind Date: Whew, not exactly the impression I wanted to give to a possible date! Oops.
You smiled at your phone and began typing out a response when the door by your hip swung open and out walked Jungkook and his friends. Jungkook caught your eye as your smile was slipping into a scowl and you quickly righted yourself, looking away down the busy street. You held your phone close to your chest and popped a hip out to the side, feigning disinterest.
“See you guys tomorrow,” said one boy.
“Yeah,” responded Jungkook, and you saw out the corner of your eye that the guys parted ways. Jungkook lingered beside you underneath the awning, watching you keenly. “Who were you texting?” he asked.
You stiffened and glanced up at him with a frown. “Is that any of your business?” you asked.
He flushed a little, rubbed the back of his head, and let out a few breathy laughs. “Sorry. Guess not,” he said with a sigh.
For a few moments the two of you just stood there, silent. You weren’t sure what to do next without an umbrella, and you didn’t want Jungkook to think you were just…spending time with him for fun. But still, you didn’t move or make a sound. Just watched the steadily increasing rainfall splatter against the pavement, gathering in pools beside the sidewalk.
“Listen,” he began, turning to you properly. You eyed him from below with raised brows. “I really don’t want any bad energy between us, okay? I know things were messy before, but we’re in college now. It’s been years, right?” Some of the tension between you broke, but it was quickly replaced by a new tension: your outrage.
You blinked at him, working your jaw. “Jungkook, you don’t get to tell me when I’m allowed to stop being hurt,” you said, shaking your head. “Seeing you is a little painful, even though it’s been a long time. So…maybe just ignore me.”
Jungkook sighed and gripped the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, Y/N. You know I am.”
You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t really want anything to do with you,” you said, meeting his eyes. Your own calm surprised you. He looked desperate, brows knit and lips parted. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to just leave me alone.”
He blinked a few times, eyes wide. “I…I mean, we go to the same school now and everything. I just transferred this year and it’s…I don’t really know many people. It’s not like we’re strangers, so why should we act like we are?”
You swallowed your anger. “I’m gonna go now,” you said, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and walking out into the rain. You turned to look at him. “I don’t think you get what I’m saying, so it’s not worth repeating it again in a different way. Just…leave me alone.”
But before you could take a single step toward the subway entrance three blocks away, Jungkook was beside you in the rain, fiddling with his umbrella. “Wh-what are you doing? I just said to leave me alone!” you called at him over the sound of the rain around you.
Jungkook spat rainwater out from between his lips and shook his head as the umbrella finally popped open and the rain stopped pummeling you, now ricocheting off the nylon. You stared up at Jungkook underneath the dark umbrella, confined beneath it, confined to this small, enclosed space. Your chest was nearly touching his arm and his breath was warm as it fanned across your face. Strawberries. Like his smoothie. Rain was caught in his long eyelashes and his rosy lips were still parted, cheeks a warm pink. He stared down at you and for a brief moment, you felt a hot, shooting sensation running from the top of your head to your toes.
“Let me walk you to the station at least,” he said, scanning you.
You felt a little faint, and the sweet scent of his cologne only made you more disoriented. “I’m fine. It’s only a few blocks,” you said, but even you could admit your voice sounded weak.
He sighed, eyes falling to the ground. “I know I hurt you a lot back then, but…,” he began, then shook his head. “Even if it’s small, I wanna make it up to you somehow. So…let me walk you.”
You rubbed your bare forearm and inhaled sharply, shutting your eyes for a moment. “Fine,” you forced out and the two of you began walking.
“So…,” said Jungkook after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. “How was your date the other day?”
You groaned. “What we’re not gonna do is this.”
Jungkook chuckled. “Sorry,” he said, shaking his head. “Just curious.”
You watched your hands, clasped in front of you, and sighed. “It didn’t happen,” you said. If nothing else, at least your time with Jungkook made you remarkably comfortable talking to him about your thoughts and feelings. “We cancelled.”
“Why?” he asked, brows high.
You shrugged. “After seeing you, I was kinda crabby so…”
“It was my fault?” He pointed with his free hand to his own chest, eyes wide.
“I mean, yeah but not really,” you said with an easy exhale. “It’s for the best anyway. He seems like a really nice guy. I don’t wanna end up hurting his feelings or something.”
“You’d rather be alone than risk having things end badly?” he asked.
You peered up at him. “Wonder why that is,” you mumbled before glancing away.
He sighed. “Sorry.”
“Mhm.”
The rest of the walk was silent as the two of you were forced to simply live with the words you’d exchanged, unable to do anything to alter the events that led you here. All you could do was walk forward, united under a shared umbrella for just a moment, until you ducked out from beneath it and disappeared down the subway station stairs, not even pausing for a moment to wave or say goodbye.
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Blind Date: Yikes, did I really scare you off?
You raised your brows at your phone screen as the subway bumped along. It was too crowded to find a seat, so you stood cramped between a stout businessman and a high school girl, all of you holding the railing overhead for stability. You couldn’t help it, but again you smiled. After all the craziness that had come from the day, this stranger seemed to help you feel at ease.
You: Haha nope! It’d take more than that.
You: I bumped into someone I didn’t want to see, so I had to take care of that.
Blind Date: !!! Same person as before??
You: Yeah, if you can believe it lol.
Blind Date: (o_O)
Blind Date: How unlucky can a person be?
You: That’s what I’m saying. (¬_¬;)
You: That’s actually one of the things I was gonna complain to Sua about.
You: Y’know, teenage heartbreak and high school angst. Etc.
Blind Date: Hey, I said it before. I’d love to listen!
Blind Date: Aight, that was too enthusiastic. How about: I wouldn’t mind hearing you out!
You: Lol, good addendum.
You: I mean, it’s not like it’s really that serious. Just…in high school I was really shy. I didn’t have very many friends and I thought that I was fine on my own, you know?
You: But I guess I was lonelier than I thought haha. There was this really handsome guy in my class who started sitting with me on the roof at lunch. At first, neither of us really said anything. Just…sitting together.
You: But after a while, we got pretty close. Half a school year maybe. He said he came up there because the air was nice, but I had a feeling it had to do with the fact that he was a little too popular for his own good. Everyone wanted to talk to him. But he was like me.
You: Introverted, I mean.
Blind Date: Sounds like you two were good friends, then?
You: Yeah, until I caught feelings lol. Mistake.
Blind Date: You confessed??
You: Hehe…yes.
You: After a while being close, I felt really comfortable telling him anything. I told him it wasn’t like I was expecting him to date me or anything. I just wanted him to know so he could be a little more careful around me.
You: But it seemed like he reciprocated.
You: We started dating…I guess?
You: Never put a label on it, which was another mistake on my part for not asking.
You: But we did everything couples did, just…not really in front of anyone from school.
You: Never asked about that either lol.
Blind Date: Oh…
Blind Date: I mean…that doesn’t sound so good…
You: Haha, it’s probably exactly what it sounds like because once we’d been together for about a year, he ended things really suddenly. We were getting ready to apply for colleges and he was gonna go for one in a different city. He said it wouldn’t work out.
You: I fought really hard for it, but he started saying pretty mean things and I didn’t want to get hurt so I ended up conceding.
Blind Date: Mean things?
You: Things I don’t really wanna type out haha…
Blind Date: Shit! Sorry, sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.
You: Hey, don’t worry! Old wounds. I should probably get over it, really.
You: No time like the present!
You: He said he never really liked me and he was only with me because he felt bad for me. Didn’t really love hearing that.
You: He said because I didn’t have friends, he pitied me. That was why he went to the roof to eat with me. Why he kissed me and all that. Took me on dates. ┐( ̄ヘ ̄)┌  Pretty dumb, imo, but that’s what he said and it seemed like he meant it anyway lol.
Blind Date: Y/N…
You: Hey, you asked!
Blind Date: That’s really shitty. You didn’t deserve that.
Blind Date: You carried that around with you all these years?
You: Hah, admitting it sounds kinda pathetic, huh?
You: I guess it’s not the sort of thing you just…get over. I think I really loved him too, so…
You: Anyway, seeing him now is really weird. Never thought I’d see him around here again, but suddenly he’s everywhere haha. Definitely doesn’t feel great, tbh.
You: Ew, sorry for laying all that on you. Not exactly small talk.
Blind Date: No!! Don’t apologize. I’m glad you talked to me about it. Honestly…I feel really sorry for you. It sounds like the whole thing affected you a lot. :-(
Blind Date: If it makes you feel better, I think I can understand you a little!
Blind Date: Like I said, I’m a bit shy myself. It’s not an issue of having friends, but finding good ones. It’s hard for me to socialize without saying something dumb and regretting it. So for a while, when I first started college, I isolated myself a lot. I didn’t want to make any more mistakes, you know?
Blind Date: But recently, I’ve met some people who are really kind. People who don’t judge me when I mess things up (which is often haha). They help me communicate better.
You: You communicate really well, I think :-)
Blind Date: Haha, thank you. I’m actually blushing a little, whew. Uh, I guess it’s because it’s easier to type things out. Speaking is hard because you can’t just reword things before sending them. You say it out loud and it’s forever, you know?
You: Yeah! Jeez, that actually happened to me today (—_—)
You: I’m glad someone else understands it lol
Blind Date: Yeah, me too.
By the time you received the last message, you were already back inside your apartment, soaked from the walk home. You’d used your bag to cover your phone as you walked and typed, so now the thing was slumped against your dining chair like a sopping wet creature. But still, you smiled at your phone. Even though the conversation with Jungkook had been jarring, you’d almost forgotten it after chatting with your blind date. It felt oddly vulnerable to reveal so much to him, but his reaction had been really reassuring. You set your phone aside and padded to the bathroom to dry yourself a little with a towel, catching sight of yourself in the mirror. Your cheeks were a little flushed, eyes clear, and still smiling. You shook your head, trying to shake off your grin, but when you glanced back at your reflection it was still the same.
With the towel dangling across your shoulders, you returned to the living room and saw your phone lit up with another new text. Smiling, you unlocked it and read what he had to say.
Blind Date: Off topic, but uh…
Blind Date: Did you happen to catch the most recent episode of Game of Thrones?
Blind Date: Because I need to talk about it or I might explode.
You raised your brows and, without meaning to, you laughed. Was this okay? Was it alright to become close to someone like this again? Was it alright to be excited about someone again? You were fearful, cautious, hesitant. After everything with Jungkook, you’d found it impossible to trust people’s intentions. Were they being nice to you because they liked you or because they felt bad for you? Would you get hurt if you trusted the goodwill of the people around you?
You: Um…
You: CAN WE TALK ABOUT ARYA???
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You weren’t going to talk to him again.
Well…that was your intention anyway. But by Friday, you’d spent every night up late chatting with this Nochu guy. It wasn’t like you talked about anything all that interesting or profound. Music you liked, games you played, anime you watched. You’d spent the better portion of Thursday night talking about whether Fullmetal Alchemist or Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood was superior. You weren’t sure why you were compelled to respond every time his name lit up your phone. And you really weren’t sure why you were the one reaching out to him now as you sat watching your professor detail the process of molecular movement across a cell membrane.
Perhaps you’d missed making easy conversation with someone you liked talking to…
After high school, you’d become something of a recluse. You spent more nights in than out and despite doing well in your classes, you’d found yourself…slightly lonesome. That’s why when Sua gave you her number after you’d successfully finished a project together a few months ago, you’d been quick to take it. Even though it was a little scary, some small part of you wanted to trust people again.
And maybe that’s why too. Why you were sending this stupid text in the middle of your lecture.
You: Hey dude. You free today?
Blind Date: Hm? Why?
You: Idk, Burger King or smth?
Blind Date: Hehe, are you trying to revive our dead romance?
You: O.O Our romance died already? After one failed date?
Blind Date: Hahaha I mean…you can try giving it CPR if you want…?
Blind Date: Mouth-to-mouth ;-D
You: Yuck, I take it back. Our romance is dead and buried.
You: Anyway, you free?
Blind Date: Uh yeah probs later. I’ve got class until 4.
Blind Date: Does that work for your Burger King plan?
Blind Date: I know it’s hard to get a reservation at that place on short notice >.<
You: I take it all back.
You: I have plans tonight, soz.
You: Talk to ya later, weeb.
You smiled and set your phone down beside your notebook, refocusing on your professor.  But your attention was quickly assuaged by your phone vibrating once more. You smirked down at it and, covertly, read the slew of oncoming text messages with a chuckle.
Blind Date: !!! That’s rude !!!
Blind Date: You can’t just offer a Burger King date and snatch it out from under me like that.
Blind Date: I’ll be mad if you jerk me around >:-(
Blind Date: You see that face? I mean BUSINESS.
You: Calm down lol, I was kidding.
You: Let’s meet at the Burger King next to the ramen place near campus?
Blind Date: Hehe, sounds good :-P
Blind Date: Ah, but don’t be too surprised when you meet me, okay?
Blind Date: I don’t want you fainting when you see my handsome face 8-)
You: Mhm, I’ll be sure not to faint.
Blind Date: I mean…a little fainting is fine…
You: Haha shut up. I’ll see you there. Looking forward to putting a face to the texts!
Blind Date: Hopefully my face doesn’t disappoint lol.
You: Yikes, mine either.
Blind Date: Yours won’t.
Blind Date: Haha, I’m sure you’ll look great. That’s what I meant.
Blind Date: Ew, all of that was hard to read. Forget I said anything hhhhhh.
You smiled fondly at your phone before sliding it into your bag. “You look kinda smitten,” said Sua from beside you.
You jumped and glanced at her as the rest of the class began packing up. She was grinning at you like a co-conspirator, brows low, knowing grin on her face. “What do you mean?”
“You’ve been texting someone named Blind Date during every class period for a week,” she said, cocking a brow. “I take it you guys hit it off?”
You felt yourself go warm. Not like with Jungkook the other day, but like something else. Something a little deeper than a physical reaction. Nonetheless, you cleared your throat and smiled at Sua. “He’s a good guy. I think we could be good friends.”
“Friends?” she asked with a laugh, flitting her hand as the two of you stood together. “Sounds boring. Get a smooch or two out of it or it’s a bust.”
You laughed, shaking your head. “I don’t really know if he’d be interested in me that way.”
“What about you?” she asked, eyeing you. “Would you be interested?”
You stared at her for a long moment, eyes wide, and opened and shut your mouth a few times. “I…,” you began, then glanced at your feet. You followed her out into the hallway where students hurried by in a flash beside you. “I mean…”
Sua paused her walking to stare back at you, her teasing grin replaced with a genuine one. “Wait, do you actually like him-like him?” she asked, eyes alight.
You stiffened, scratching your arm, and sighed. “Jeez, I don’t know! Maybe,” you said, waving your hands. “Forget it, I’ve got another class soon.”
She laughed as you maneuvered around her through the hall, calling after you. “You’re cute when you’ve got a crush!”
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You sat at a booth by yourself at Burger King, waiting for your not-date to show up. It had only been a few minutes and already your anxiety was starting to speak in your ear. He’s not showing up, it whispered, You’re an idiot. And maybe you were. Looking around the fast food joint, you saw more than a few couples, sitting side-by-side or gazing at each other over fried chicken. You didn’t envy them. Not that way. Just…maybe it was the human connection you missed more than anything. Last time you’d been in this situation, you were still deeply in love with Jeon Jungkook.
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You were sixteen and you sat twiddling your thumbs on a suburban bench overlooking Seoul. Trees swayed in the summer breeze and carried with them the scent of young hopefulness, naivety in the form of dogwood blossoms. You watched the uneven cityscape before you as it resisted the pull of the wind, and far in the distance, slightly glittering in the sunlight, the Han River. Jungkook had said he’d be there at exactly two. It was ten past, and you were getting a little nervous. You’d confessed not a week prior during the last week of school, and to your shock Jungkook had been receptive. He hadn’t said anything bold like ‘I like you too’ or ‘let’s date’ but he had invited you out for some ice cream and you figured that was much the same thing for him.
Maybe he’s just being nice, you thought to yourself with a sigh. You’d spent a long time picking out the right outfit, getting your hair to lay just right. And still, you didn’t feel quite up to par with him. Girls were always confessing their love for him. Guys too. What made you any different than the dozens of other hopefuls? He probably won’t come…
“Y/N!” called a voice from the winding, hilly street.
You jumped and turned, and your heart swelled as you saw Jungkook running down the sidewalk toward you, grinning from ear to ear. And that was what did you in. That sincerity, that vigor, that enthusiasm…all for you. You stood up to meet him and chuckled as he caught his breath, patting his chest.
“Sorry, sorry,” he said, panting. “My mom started lecturing me, so I got tied up.” After a few moments regaining his composure, he finally looked at you properly and when he did, you noticed his cheeks going red hot, eyes round. “Oh, wow,” he said, glancing away with a jittery laugh. “S-Sorry, you…you look really nice.”
You felt a little faint. You’d spent months pining after this kid, pining after this purity you kept glimpsing in him, and now…
He was saying you looked nice.
It was almost enough to knock the breath out of you.
You smiled at your shoes and rubbed your neck. “Th-thank you,” you said.
He laughed, nervous once more, and gave your shoulder a shove. “Hey, don’t get all clammy on me, okay? Nothing’s weird between us. Just…two pals…on a date.”
You jumped and stared up at him with unbridled surprise. “Date?” you asked, shameless hope in your voice.
He laughed, eyes turning to crescents, and nodded. “What else would it be?” Of course. Of course, since it was Jungkook, the answer was just that simple, wasn’t it?
You swallowed hard and tried to manage your expression, but you couldn’t fight the smile teasing your lips. “Oh,” you said, letting out a breathy laugh.
He examined you for a moment, scanning you. You weren’t used to going out with friends, let alone dating. All of this was new and exhilarating to you. But you felt a sudden wave of shyness that you couldn’t fight off, and a slightly pleasant self-consciousness. You felt him looking at you, and it didn’t feel like he hated looking. You became very aware of your body, each limb, each finger. Still smiling a little, you laughed again, unsure of what else to do. These were uncharted waters, after all.
“Hm,” he said, bending down to meet your eyes. You blushed and leaned away a little, but he was blushing too and it made you feel better knowing perhaps he was just as nervous as you. “Lemme prove it.”
Your eyes went wide, but before you could say or do anything, Jungkook closed the distance between you, tipping his chin so that your lips met. His lips were warm and soft. They tasted like chapstick and banana milk. You didn’t move, not a single muscle, and perhaps this worried him because he was quick to lean away and stare down at you, fresh insecurity on display in his warm brown eyes.
“Sorry! Was that too sudden?” he asked, laughing and glancing away, down the quiet street. “Jeez, I got carried away, huh? Ha, I’m sorry.”
Before he could spiral, you took a timid step forward and pushed yourself onto your toes. Gently, you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling yourself nearer to him. He jumped and looked at you with stunned eyes. But you didn’t give him a chance to think too much, because before long you were kissing him, head tilted to the side, eyes shut. Without much pause, his hands found your waist and stayed there, respectful, unsure.
And somehow, you’d summoned the courage to do it. To kiss him back.
Because he showed up, after all.
He didn’t leave you alone…
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Fifteen minutes now and you were beginning to worry. You reasoned that at least there were worse places to be stood up. A nice steakhouse, for instance. At least here you weren’t the only solo diner. But nonetheless, the feeling of a deep gut-punch was only growing. Dread and disappointment mingled into a bitter cocktail in the pit of your stomach. Wouldn’t this just be…poetic? Getting stood up for your first date after years of fear and emotional isolation?
Wouldn’t that be exactly what would happen?
Thirty minutes. At first, you tried to tell yourself he was probably just running late from a class. After all, the walk from campus alone was around seven minutes. Maybe he’d gotten released late. Maybe he’d gotten held up with a professor or classmate. You stared at your Whopper with dead eyes now, watching the cold burger as all the heat drained from it. It was too late to save it now. And perhaps it had never been meant for you to eat anyway. Maybe it was your destiny to become a vegetarian or something.
Nonetheless, you sent a text.
Even though it felt pathetic.
You: Hey, uh…we still on for Burger King?
You: No rush, haha.
You: Just a little worried…
Was this revenge for ruining the first date? Some elaborate plot to get back at you? He seemed like a really sweet guy, but so had Jungkook after all. After several minutes without a reply, you began to accept the fact that you’d been thoroughly stood up. Your throat constricted, eyes going a little hazy, and resolved to wait a little longer. Just a little.
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Forty-eight minutes. No reply and no date. By then, plenty of customers had come and gone through the front doors, none of them him. You couldn’t bring yourself to take even one bite of food, the money wasted, the time wasted too. How much time had you wasted, really? How much of your life had you spent watering dead plants?
When Jungkook told you he wanted to break up, you’d been in disbelief. The two of you were close, so close it almost hurt, and the sudden end felt like a slap in the face or a jolt to the heart. You’d fought him in his room that night, the sunset turning the ends of his hair gold, turning his eyes gold too. He had no right being so handsome at a moment like that. You asked for a reason and he said he didn’t want any strings going in to college. He wanted to be unaffiliated. But you couldn’t accept that. You couldn’t accept that the time you spent together had meant so little to him, that the relationship was a dead plant from the start.
I was only dating you because I felt bad for you! he’d shouted once he’d had enough. Ever wonder why I never told anyone about us?! You’d been stunned then, stunned silent. Your brain was failing to process his words. He’d never spoken that way to you before. How much time had you spent in love? How much time had he spent pitying you? I was your only friend, for God’s sake! What did you expect me to do?!
Perhaps you’d been right after all. Perhaps giving yourself to other people was too dangerous, too painful. Perhaps loving someone wasn’t worth it, perhaps it could never be completely reciprocal. Perhaps any relationship you had would be a waste of time. Perhaps all you were destined to do was water dead plants until finally, you decided it was enough.
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One hour. You stood up from your seat, wiped beneath your eyes as the tears you’d been fighting finally crested over your bottom eyelid, and carried your tray to the garbage. You slid your trash into the bin and, sniffling, wandered out toward the exit. Customers avoided walking too close to you, likely noticing the tears that were now tracking stubbornly down your cheeks. You would have wiped them, had you had the energy to care.
But all you wanted was to go home and be alone.
Alone for a while.
You pushed your way outside, taking in the fresh spring day. No more rain, even though you would have welcomed it. It could have concealed your crying, your red nose and swelling eyes. You could have cowered beneath a bus stop and nobody would have noticed you. Nobody would have noticed.
Instead, the spring day was gorgeous, teasingly beautiful. The sun was beginning to set on the horizon, and people milled about through the street, smiling and chatting easily. Sniffling, you wiped your nose and joined them, walking down the sidewalk toward the subway entrance near campus.
You were overreacting. You didn’t even know this guy that well yet. He wasn’t a boyfriend, he wasn’t someone you’d given your whole heart to. He hadn’t betrayed you, because deep down you’d expected this. Maybe that’s what upset you so much. Being proven right.
You exited the crowd of people a block from the Burger King and walked with your head down toward the subway entrance. You were about to step on to the escalator when you heard someone call your name.
“Y/N!”
You turned slowly, eyes bleary from all the crying, and rubbed your tears away to see them clearly. Again, like he had some sort of sense for when you were most humiliated, Jungkook stepped toward you. His face was contorted in worry, thick brows knit, mouth agape as he stared down at you, scanning you.
You sniffled and nodded. “What?” you asked.
“What are you doing?” he asked softly, taking you by the crook of the arm and leading you toward a more sparsely populated alley beside the sidewalk. You didn’t fight. Didn’t have it in you. “Are you okay?” he asked, his own eyes watery as he looked down at you, forcing your head up as he held it between two big, warm hands.
You kept your gaze on the dirty ground. “Let me go,” you said, but it was weak.
“Y/N…,” he whispered, smoothing his thumb against your cheek. “Jesus.”
“What?” you asked, looking at him quick, fierce. “Are you pitying me?”
His eyes went wide and he shook his head. Looking at him now, he seemed pretty shaken himself. Why did the two of you keep bumping into each other like this? “No! No, that’s not it.”
“Then what?” you asked, shaking his hands off your face. “What is it, huh? Here to show off your money? Show me how good you’re doing while I’m working minimum wage? Huh? Do you like feeling superior?”
He swallowed hard, his expression revealing some sort of hurt you couldn’t name. “No! Please, it’s not that! Let me explain-,”
“No! You don’t have any right to ask me to listen to you!” you said, sobbing. You wiped your eyes with your forearm and shook your head. “Just leave me alone! Everyone!” you shouted.
Jungkook took your shoulders in his hands to keep you still and you tried a few times to shake yourself free, but to no avail. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”
You kept crying, the ancient pain welling up from inside you like some age-old reserve finally erupting. Your body rocked with the force of your tears. “Isn’t it pathetic? The minute I start trying to reach out, I get stood up?” you asked with a manic laugh. “Doesn’t that just make you feel so good? Aren’t I pitiable?”
Jungkook’s own tears were pooling in his eyes and you could see them there, threatening to fall. “Please,” he said quietly.
You shook your head. “Isn’t this what you want? Someone to look down on? Someone to feel bad for?” you asked, face wet from the tears. “Can’t you just leave me alone?!” you shouted, loud enough to rouse the attention of a few people on the sidewalk behind Jungkook’s back.
Jungkook, without another word, sniffled sharply and pulled you flush against his chest. You struggled against his strong hold for a few moments, writhing, before finally submitting. Without even meaning to, you wrapped your arms around his torso and sobbed into his black shirt. He held you close, resting his cheek on your head. You could have sworn you felt a few tears hitting your shoulder.
But before you could get too comfortable in his embrace, you pushed yourself away and stared at him, bitter, angry, from several feet away. You looked at him like a feral thing, like an alleycat. And the way he watched you was different than it was that day by the bench. It was worried now, like a shadow had crossed over his face.
“I’m sorry-,” he began.
You shook your head and shoved past him. “Don’t talk to me. Ever,” you spat as you walked by, rejoining the stream of people on the sidewalk toward the subway entrance.
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“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked Sua as the two of you left class.
Half a week had passed, and you were eager for more time to distance you from that unpleasant day. You’d received a slew of texts from your blind date, all of which had gone unanswered. They ranged from the typical I’m so sorry texts to more in-depth explanations. Apparently, he’d gotten nervous. Cold feet, he’d said. Nervous for what, you didn't know and you wouldn’t ask. You were meeting at a Burger King for God’s sake. What could he have been that nervous about?
You glanced at her and offered a tight smile. “Mhm. I’m good. Just…uh…gotta get to work later so I’m thinking about that,” you said, over-explaining. Of course, lying just wasn’t for you.
Sua sighed and hooked an arm around your elbow, leaning close to you as the two of you walked down the hallway. You edged away just slightly, and it seemed she noticed as she turned to you with wide eyes. You hated to admit it, but everything with that Nochu guy had made you wary of even Sua. They did know each other after all. Had this been one big setup from the start? Were the two conspiring to hurt you?
You shook your head and patted her hand with a smile. Of course not. Of course that was crazy. But…something about this whole thing had you feeling crazy. “Sorry,” you said quietly. “Just…met up with someone from my past the other day and it didn’t feel so good.”
She raised her brows. “What? You never mentioned anyone like that before…,” she said, her brows lowering. She looked a little hurt.
You swallowed hard. “Ah, well it’s no big deal,” you said, flitting a hand with a choppy laugh. “It’s in the past for a reason.”
She pouted. “You know you can talk to me, right?” she said, eyeing you.
And with those words, your chest constricted a little and a small pang of guilt clenched your stomach. You didn’t want to end up hurting her. She was sweet and she wanted to be close to you. But what could you do if you just weren’t ready for that? How could you tell her you may never be ready?
Instead, you turned to her and offered a smile. “I know.”
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Blind Date: Y/N…
Blind Date: Please respond. Please.
Blind Date: I really really want to explain everything to you.
Blind Date: I know I really hurt you, but I want to explain.
Blind Date: Isn’t that selfish of me?
Blind Date: To hurt you and then ask you to listen to me?
Blind Date: I’m sorry.
Blind Date: I’m selfish.
You sighed as you watched your phone. The coffeeshop was quiet, fewer patrons now that the design students had finished their projects, and you felt safer looking at the onslaught of texts that just wouldn’t stop flooding your phone. You know you can talk to me, right? That’s what Sua said. She had reached out her hand to you.
And you’d pulled back.
You eyed your phone for a long few moments. Wasn’t it time to stop running away because you were scared of being hurt? Wasn’t it time to stop expecting someone to walk all the way across the tightrope to you and start walking to meet them in the middle instead?
Wasn’t it wrong to punish people for something someone else did?
You: Hey…
You: Sorry I haven’t responded. I just needed space I think.
Blind Date: Shit, I know. I’m so sorry.
Blind Date: You know I care about you though, right?
Blind Date: You know I wasn’t trying to hurt you on purpose, right?
You: I mean, we’ve only known each other a few weeks haha.
You: Honestly, I probably overreacted.
You: After everything that happened with that guy I told you about, I think I’m just a little too sensitive. And I took it out on you. And that was wrong.
Blind Date: No, no! Please don’t apologize. Jesus. It’s entirely my fault. All of it.
You: Haha it’s really not. I shouldn’t hold you and him to the same standards when you’re different people. That’s on me.
Blind Date: Can I see you?
You: Huh? So suddenly? I’m working…
Blind Date: The coffeeshop on campus?
You: Yeah…
You: Don’t come right now though!
You: I won’t be able to talk to you anyway.
Blind Date: I’ll wait. When do you get off?
You: Nine…
Blind Date: I’ll see you at nine.
You blushed, staring down at your screen. Since when was he so direct like this? And why did it make your heart race, just a little?
Sua was right. You definitely had a crush…
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You watched the front doors as you began cleaning up the coffeeshop. Closing time was coming soon, and with five minutes until nine you were beginning to feel that festering fear that you’d be stood up again. But as that voice returned to your mind, you were quick to quiet it. You wanted to believe in people again. You couldn’t live your life all alone.
So you swept beneath tables and propped chairs atop them. You cleaned the windows. You hummed a pop song to yourself, trying to keep your mind busy. When you glanced outside, you noticed the spring showers had returned and the rain was falling in bullets from the dark sky. With a sigh, you settled down on one of the recliners by the window, watching cars and buses and people speed by. You wondered which one would come inside despite the sign now reading ‘closed’. You wondered who this person was.
Before you realized it, you were dozing off, struggling to keep your eyes open as you reclined against the comfortable cushions. Your breathing became more rhythmic, deeper in your chest with each inhale, and you snuggled into the back of the recliner with a heavy sigh.
And that’s when you heard it. The distinctive ting of the bell dangling over the front door. Your eyes opened wide and you saw his reflection in the mirror beside you. Tall, dressed in dark clothes, hoodie up over his head and an umbrella in his hand, trailing droplets of rainwater onto the wood floor. You wanted to greet him right away, to get a proper look at him, but with your heart racing the way it was you couldn’t find the courage. It was enough for you just to respond to his texts. And now he was here, corporeal, right behind you.
You shut your eyes tight and feigned sleep.
“Y/N?” he called, and somehow you recognized his voice.
No way.
It couldn’t be…
You kept your eyes shut and curled your knees closer to your chest. Slowly, you heard him mill around the shop before pausing beside your recliner. His footsteps got closer, rounding the side of the chair to stand right in front of you. And, quietly, he laughed. And you were certain now. You knew exactly who he was.
You felt a warm, big hand press against the side of your head, smoothing your hair down, and heard a fond sigh. “Jeez,” he mumbled. You felt him crouch down beside your feet and his arm dropped to rest on the arm of the recliner. He gently rocked the chair back and forth for a moment, humming. “Don’t hate me too much, okay?” he asked in a whisper.
And, without another moment’s hesitation, you opened your eyes and stared right down at him. “Jungkook…?” you asked, scanning his face.
His eyes were round with shock and his whole person was wet. He gazed up at you from where he crouched on the floor and, mouth agape, said nothing. Wordlessly, you reached a hand out and touched his cheek with the pad of your index finger. Soaking wet. You sighed and pushed to your feet. Jungkook stumbled a little to accommodate you as you slipped past him to the counter. You rifled through the cabinets before producing a towel. By then, he’d followed you to the counter and was waiting on the other side. Sighing, you waved a hand, signaling for him to join you behind the register. He jumped and followed your silent command, and suddenly you were staring at his broad chest up close.
You swallowed your nerves and draped the towel atop his head. “Dry off,” you said, hopping up to sit on the counter. The lights in the shop were low, and the music still bumped lowly through the stereo. It might have been romantic, if it was anyone else. “Then we can talk.”
He nodded and fluffed the towel through his hair, obscuring his face from view for a few peaceful seconds. “I…I know I have a lot to explain.”
“Yeah,” you said.
He peeked out from behind the towel with one eye, watching you. “Are you mad?”
“Fuming, actually.”
He nodded and let the towel drop to his shoulders. “I expected that,” he said with a sigh. He came to stand in front of your knees, looking right at you with enough sincerity to knock the breath from your lungs. Just like that first date. “I don’t know where to start.”
“So you know Sua?” you asked, letting your heels bounce against the counter’s cabinets.
“Ah, uh, yeah,” he said, rubbing his hands together. “We’re in the same major, so…”
“And you transferred here?”
“Yeah,” he said, meeting your eyes. “It was…no good out in Busan. I missed home too much.”
You nodded, watching your thighs on the counter. “Figures.”
He chuckled wryly. “You know me too well.”
“Thought I did.”
Carefully, he took a single step forward and you jumped, meeting his eyes like a frightened prey. “I never meant for you to carry all that with you for so long,” he said, brows knit and eyes hazy like he may cry. “I didn’t expect you to be so hurt.”
“That’s stupid,” you said. “You can’t tell someone you were only with them out of pity and expect them not to be hurt.”
“I know, I just…Jesus, I’m just stupid,” he said, raking his fingers through his hair. “Since I was moving away, I didn’t want you to waste your time waiting for me to come back, so I wanted to give you a clean break. Since I knew you wouldn’t wanna break up just because of distance.”
You stiffened. “You…what?”
“I didn’t mean it,” he said. “Any of it.”
You felt like you’d been hit right in the diaphragm, like when you play dodgeball and someone throws a ball at your chest. You sat up straighter and stared at him, watching him carefully. “You lied?”
He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, meeting your eyes seriously. It really looked like he might have cried. “I didn’t think it was fair to keep you from meeting new people and making new connections.”
“Then why didn’t you tell anyone we were dating?” you asked, brow low, scanning him for any signs of insincerity.
His eyes went wide. “I…I told you before, my high school friends…they weren’t so great,” he said, shaking his head. “I meant it when I was texting you about all that. How t’s hard for me to find good people.”
“And you didn’t show up to Burger King last time because…?”
He sniffled. “I meant what I said about that too. I was…really nervous. I was scared you’d be disappointed when you found out it was me.”
You sighed. “Why weren’t you just honest with me from the start?” you asked, all animosity draining from your voice as you saw him wiping his red, swelling eyes. “Back in high school. Why didn’t you just tell me all of it then?”
He sniffed and looked away. “I was scared you’d think less of me if you knew I was so insecure. And I didn’t want you to wait for me in college, not when you could’ve been out making new friends.”
“Well, the opposite happened actually,” you said with a dry laugh. “I got really worried that any friends I made would be doing it out of pity.”
Jungkook stiffened. “You…you did?”
You nodded. “Yeah…”
“Shit,” he breathed out, gripping his forehead with two hands. “I’m so stupid!”
Distantly, the sound of the rain picked up outside. You nodded. “Yeah.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, looking at you once more, startling you with his sincerity. “I messed up so bad. I messed up everything.”
You blinked at him, standing nearly at eye-level, and slowly reached out to wipe beneath his eyes with your fingertips. “Well, you were right about one thing. I wouldn’t have accepted it had you not said what you said.”
He furrowed his brow and leaned into your touch. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you,” you said.
He swallowed hard and you watched his Adam’s apple bob. “Really?”
“Well, yeah,” you said with a shrug. “Now that I know everything, it’s hard to be mad at you for being a jerk when you were really just being an idiot.”
He stared at you, inching forward so he rested just between your knees. “I’m so sorry,” he said again.
“Yeah, I know,” you said, letting out half a chuckle as you let your hands drop to his shoulders, giving them a pat.
“Really,” he said, nodding once as he stared right into your eyes.
“Jungkook, it’s-,”
Before you could finish, he had closed the distance between you, one hand grasping your jaw as he pressed a kiss to your lips. You jumped back, eyes wide, and stared at him in shock. He too looked shocked, like he hadn’t meant to do it at all. He shook his head, eyebrows knit, stuttering out syllables that didn’t add up to anything.
“I-I-you-I mean-,” he sputtered, irises shaking. You noticed no small margin of fear in his eyes, like he was terrified he’d messed things up again.
I didn’t want to make any more mistakes, you know?
The words he’d trusted you with through the screen, his sincere thoughts. He really regretted it a lot, didn’t he? Your expression softened as he continued struggling to find words, and, without even really meaning to, you wrapped your fingers around his neck. He didn’t seem to notice, or he was too spooked to comment on it, but you slowly pulled him closer. Just like that day in high school, just like it was when you’d first entered hopefully into this fateful relationship, you leaned in and pressed your lips against his, shutting your eyes. Stunned, he was completely still for a moment before eventually his hands moved to your hips, then slid along your sides, then hooked around your lower back. You hadn’t intended it, but the kiss was getting steamier with each passing moment. You felt his hot breath on your skin as he pulled back to adjust his position before crashing into you again.
As the fever settled down, Jungkook was the first to pull away, but only by a faction so he could speak. “I love you,” he whispered.
You stared wide-eyed at him, only inches away from you, eyes heavy-lidded and forehead resting just barely against yours. “O-Okay,” you said. It was all you could manage.
He chuckled once, still embracing you as he stood between your legs. “That’s it?”
“You expect me to say it back?” you asked.
He smiled, staring down at you. “I guess not.”
“You’re gonna have to give me some time,” you said with a nod.
He nodded too, shutting his eyes as he held you close. Slowly, he moved to rest his forehead against your shoulder, resting against the crook of your neck. “I understand.”
“Like…a lot of time probably.”
“I know.”
You let out a shaky exhale and only then did you realize your hands were shaking. As silly as it seemed, this reunion was pretty jarring to your system. The foundation on which you’d rebuilt your sense of self had broken down beneath your feet, leaving you to stand among the rubble once again. Just like back then. Everything you thought you understood had been proven wrong.
But nonetheless, you smoothed your palms against his back and rubbed gently. Not to comfort him, but to comfort yourself. To let yourself know that, even though it was scary, it was okay to trust people sometimes. Self preservation shouldn’t come at the sacrifice of human connection. And even though you knew the road ahead was going to be long and that trusting Jungkook again would take a long time and a lot of work on his end, you were ready to try.
So, as the two of you left the shop under one umbrella, you drafted a text.
You: Sua, I have SO MUCH to tell you.
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thefudge · 4 years
Text
so, there’s been a couple of messages in my inbox from an anon in continuation to the jk rowling discussion and i haven’t had the time to respond until now so i’m gonna add more thoughts under the cut
i’m glad you found my take balanced enough, and yep, i agree, it’s a shame that open discussion is so fraught these days... but it would help a lot if JK stuck to her main points about the importance of debate instead of dog-whistling, as i mentioned in my other post. i do think the term TERF is thrown around way too liberally and a particular brand of cis progressives like to dominate the discussion, even to the detriment of transpeople as you pointed out, but it’s also important to make sure which people want an honest discussion about gender dysphoria and which have another agenda. this is why twitter and tumblr are not great environments for such discussions....and i hate it. also! something to be cautious of is the mild-mannered and reasonable discourse of people like JK, who insert fair points in their speech but also hide some nuggets of narrow-mindedness behind really pretty words. my ultimate take on JK is: you care deeply about women’s rights? treat your female characters better, support the women around you, but also take them to task. don’t just blindly support maya forstater without actually looking into the facts (like her trial case etc.). make sure you apply the same kind of critical “nuance” to all the women around you, trans or cis (and also i hope she studies up more on gender and sex). 
as for the amount of support and vitriol she’s getting online: i think it’s dumb to stop working with her and cancel her books and movies because that will just play right into her arguments that we’re all extremists who want to "deplatform” women and she’d be right. every time we cancel a celebrity for their “discourse” we just make sure the echo chamber grows bigger (and they still profit off it btw).  i still think she will be fine, but we’re not doing transpeople any favors by placing her on the virtual guillotine. we “punish” JK and call it a day and go “here, this is what we did for you, trans ppl!”. i do think celebrities who actively cause damage and harm need to be shut down immediately (and i mean actual crimes), but in many other cases (JK included) the best course of action is to ignore them, instead of making them the center of our arguments. and by ignoring them i mean going “okay, this is her opinion? i can see what she’s going for, but it’s flawed” and we move on. the only reason why authors these days have such an impact on their audience is because they’ve made themselves readily available online and JK is a special case because for decades now she has been THE author for millennials and gen z. and once again, online culture has made everything ride or die, when... it doesn’t have to be! we live in a far more complicated world than a few words online can sum up. but we’re stuck here so we have to make the best of it.
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musicdork · 4 years
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that order sounds DELISH, especially the “thingy” u added in there...🤪 also no cap but weirdly enough i feel like people where i live either hate chipotle to the bone or Eat Only Chipotle Ever. its like the red velvet cake thing u know what i mean. i think personally i fall on the “i think its delicious but i have the money and motivation to go to chipotle maybe once every two months” yknow. where do u fall on the spectrum🧐 lol i just went on such a fuckin chipotle tangent i am so sorry
also OMFG WKROFKEKEF I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT WHAT IF SOMEONE WAS LIKE “can u rero on THIS thussy???😫😫😫😫” LOLLLLLL i love “sir..🧍🏼‍♂️” what a damn mood also like i would genuinely. completely fucking D I E if kak responded👁👄👁. no cap id be such a thirsty bitch and basically beg his ass to follow me back. i know i’m so annoying but i cant help it😔✌🏼and another silly boy pov he would do is like “u catch me snatching the dub on my latest match” and its placed in fron of his monitor so u see his gamer boi set up. but his is just him keeping a straight face and going “poggers” with a monotone voice HAHA. but yeah him getting all those thirsts aw hed prob get so much more confidence after posting for a while i could see pol and jotaro being like “aww look whos mr confident😙😙”
uhm...ahem i apologize my anonymous barrier is rattling but i pretend i do not hear....jk I’M SORRY i will unleash my mediocre blog to u maybe someday😖 what if i am not who u think i am?????? i cant handle it i CANT
—so stealthy and spooked out im like a spy anon✌🏼😙✨😳🤪🧐😭😗🤙🏼🤤🥰😘🥴
u really just gonna ignore me- okay i see how it is sMDH SLFKE LMAO i must rattle LOUDER!!
bro i’m crying over these emojis they’re perfect sflekls i think it,, says like tomato salsa on the app where we ordered it but it’s Not salsa persay so hmn. it’s valid that people are wishy washy on it, too bad i am steadfast in thinking it’s GOOD hehe. when,, i have the money for it at least lmaoo
i feel he would follow you back,, he needs friends, pls be his friend LMAO. and then have him fall madly in love with you HAHA! it’s,, it’s fool proof u know sfneskl if he doesn’t then he either doesn’t have much time Or he’s a mEANIE GR. OHOH-- you know how you follow people on accident and you’re kinda like “well,, they’ll get the notification,,, and i’ll feel bad if i Unfollowed,,, i guess i’ll stay here,,” ?? i’ve done this a lot and hh but!! it’s another possibility hehe
OMG I LOVE THAT SFELKJF that pov got me thinking,, what if he streamed on twitch,, what kind of streamer would he be... i feel before egypt he would have been able to handle a decent schedule bc,, he was lonely and didn’t really have anyone else,, this was his way to reach out to people through something he likes. i can see him having a medium sized audience due to his,, unique charms :> but he doesn’t front or anything bc he can just be,, himself u know?
OH
AFTER EGYPT OH NO
[ HEAD IN HANDS ] [ GROSS SOBBING ] WHY DID I DO THAT TO MYSELF
he’d promise that he’d be back in less than two months,, maybe on his twitter-- WHY DID--- i ... im so dumb of Course this man would have a twitter!! he shitposts,, he definitely shitposts,,
cherryaki_73: These people are odd... but I’m coming to like their company. (about a couple days into the journey)
cherryaki_73: So, Jotaro has Polnareff in a choke hold... should I help Polnareff? (about a month or so into the journey skflskl he’s not going to help)
aaaa im crying twitter kakyoin would be amazing and quite cursed honestly sfeklsel he would definitely be most active on there!!
i still can’t get over him saying “”poggers””,,, he would SO say that im slfesks,,,
brave nonnie,, i Promise u won’t shatter any expectations. i,, don’t have any. all i know is that u like jojo and are hella rad :> i’m a pretty normal blog myself if that makes you feel any better!! i just,, reblog stuff that i like u know <3 i mean how else am i gonna send u bruno and kakyoin art,, either way. i don’t wanna pressure u,, that’s the last thing i wanna do,, so instead i will shake my tiny pom poms and cheer for u!!
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obaewankenope · 7 years
Text
The Gospel of the Anakin Apologist + The General Rudeness of Unrelated Comments on a Post
So @stonefreeak had an anon show up and whine about Padme. I and @sanerontheinside added our two cents in then *waves hands* SOME ASSHOLE shows up and wants to play ‘Anakin is a victim and Padme is a stupid ho and Obi-Wan is to blame for EVERYTHING EVER’ on the post even though, amusingly enough, it has no bearing on the discussion in the slightest.
Ergo I got vexed.
Actually all of us did bc wow stupid much.
The rest is under a read more because wow this got long and salty.
Also I’m tagging people so they can share the salt: @meabhair, @kyberpunk, @maawi, @markwatnae, @lilyrose225writes, @knight-kennedy, @punsbulletsandpointythings, @deadcatwithaflamethrower, @myurbandream, @jhaernyl :)
You see, we were discussing Padme as a female character and the double-standard around female characters being expected to be perfect and male characters essentially being able to do whatever the fuck they want so long as they’re pretty (pick a fandom, any fandom, you’re guaranteed to see the same dichotomy in treatment of male - female characters).
Apparently we can’t do that shit tho bc ‘oh no you’re blaming my bae!!!’ like wow, really fucking stupid much.
Anyway, to explain why I’m raging (why all of us are raging actually: it’s glorious to behold and I feel so blessed to experience the righteous fury of my spouses and friends) I personally feel like this particular person has literally pulled the embodiment of that “she doesn’t even go here” meme because whoa boy, their reblog does not belong here.
Now, in general I’m usually quite happy to let the morons roll on by like the sad little tumbleweeds of ignorance they are. But not when it’s on a post informing others of the behaviour and perception of gender/sex relations and treatment of characters in fandom. When you show up here and want to blame a single character who is flawed, especially just to venerate and excuse the behaviour of another flawed character... well, then I feel obligated to respond.
It’s not personal it is it’s just in my nature.
Okay so, first paragraph of their reblog (and subsequent stupid dialogue included) sums up the situation on Mustafar as ‘Padme should have been a good wife and sided with her genocidal husband who just helped wipe out thousands of lives (including children) bc she’s his wife’ and that ‘Obi-Wan is responsible bc he tried to do his duty as a Jedi’ and apparently that’s wrong as according to the Gospel of the Anakin Apologist.
Of course, they make a general, sweeping statement about Obi-Wan, describing him as a ‘fantastic space cop but an asshole friend and a person in general’ which, as I’m sure you’re all aware, shows a typical lack of understanding of what the Jedi are in universe, and also the background of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s interaction.
This isn’t unusual and I’m not gonna berate people for not knowing about the EU (Extended Universe) materials, or those damned benighted Junior Apprentice (JA) novels about Obi-Wan’s padawanship (and Anakin’s later on). The thing is though, there is plenty of information available about Obi-Wan, his background and so on on various websites -- Wookieepedia, to name but one -- so I don’t think it’s fair to be so quick to judge a character, any character, without understanding their background.
Even if this blogger is uninitiated into the ranks of SW lore and such, even if they only have the movies to go on, I still consider them to have a shockingly particular mindset and perspective of the relationship between the three protagonist characters.
So, here’s the thing, the below is a direct quote from their post. As you can see it’s... a particular perspective.
Padme should have sided with Anakin or Obi-Wan clearly when Anakin confronted her about Obi-Wan being on the ship, Obi-Wan killed Padme by appearing while they were talking, Padme might’ve been able to talk some sense into Anakin or join him, i guess Obi-Wan was afraid Padme would flip sides and decided to burst out with his “hello there” bullshit, if i was Padme i would have immediately said            “that fucker snuck on my ship i had nothing to do with this, take care of him my love!” or “oh shit, well i didn’t plan this Obi-Wan tag in!”            i know she was shocked and all that jazz but lady think on your feet, you went to meet your fugitive husband who just killed a academy full of space coplings on isolated planet and a space cop popped out of your trunk, use your words and use them quick! Anakin choking his wife in anger is understandable when you think of it from his perspective,           “ok im on the hide from the law(Jedi), ill contact my wife and get her to safety” “hi love i came alone as you asked”            “oh thank god for a moment i thought you might sympathize with the corrupt jedi” *Obi-Wan dumb ass pops out of the shadows* “hello there bitches!~~”            “wtf Padme?! you brought a cop to our meet out?! you do know i am wanted dead right!? You little bitch! i did this all so i could keep you alive and this is how you repay me? i killed younglings to get this power Padme fucking younglings! you ungrateful little bitch ill kill you!” “hey bro let her go you said you wanted to save her right? kind of doing the opposite right now”            “… god damn it i hate it when he is right, lets fight!”
First of all, they’re working on the assumption that Anakin was hiding from the Jedi. Second of all, that he was hiding from the Law(Jedi). Perhaps their memory has failed them, but I’ll provide a little breakdown of how the third movie actually went so they can understand that their initial narrative is... well, to put it plainly, ‘wrong and really wrong’.
1. Separatists vs Republic battle with Obi-Wan and Anakin going after Dooku. Dooku dies by Anakin’s hands after being disarmed (this is murder btw, rules of war mean that if your opponent loses or surrenders, then you don’t kill them -- this is generally considered a war crime). 
2. Obi-Wan and Anakin talk about stuff and then Obi-Wan heads off to chase Grievous alone. This is after Anakin has been put on the Council by Palpatine even though he’s only been a Knight for a while. The Jedi do not approve, Obi-Wan is cautious and advises Anakin to be careful (Anakin ignores him by the way and continues to be friendly with Palpatine).
4. While Obi-Wan is off after Grievous, Anakin has Palpatine’s identity revealed to him. Gets played into saving him from Mace and co in order to keep Padme alive (even though she isn’t dead by the way). Anakin then goes to the Temple with a collection of Clones and helps murder every Jedi there. He purposefully murders the children in the Council chambers. 
5. Obi-Wan is nearly killed after defeating Grievous because of Order 66. He escapes and hides. Meets up with Yoda and Bail. Goes to the Temple. Finds out that Anakin killed Jedi and is heartbroken by this fact. Then he goes to Padme after being tasked by his superior to go and defeat Anakin. He tells her the truth and she refuses to believe him.
6. Padme goes to meet with Anakin who is on Mustafar, drowning in his angst-ridden guilt of now having become an accomplice to genocide. Obi-Wan tags along, knowing that Anakin and Padme love each other so much that both would forsake their duties. He hides and Padme doesn’t know. Anakin doesn’t notice.
7. Padme rejects Anakin BEFORE Obi-Wan shows himself, because she realises he’s literally gone crazy. Then Anakin turns on Padme and chokes her into unconsciousness, even though she’s heavily pregnant and he ‘loves’ her. Obi-Wan gets Anakin to focus on him and they fight.
8. They fight to the point where Obi-Wan has the high-ground and Anakin does a stupid and gets his limbs cut off. Obi-Wan leaves him to burn to death (brutal) and goes to Padme. He takes her for treatment and instead watches one of his oldest friends die while her children are made into orphans.
9. Movie ends with Anakin becoming the giant suit version of Vader and Obi-Wan on Tattooine delivering Luke to his aunt and uncle.
Anakin isn’t evading the law, aka the Jedi, he’s killed them. Obi-Wan is the one evading the law because it wants him dead. Anakin is on Mustafar because Sidious told him to take out the Sep leadership. Padme meets him there after hearing the truth from Obi-Wan and only believes it when Anakin admits it himself. Then she rejects him. Obi-Wan does his duty as a Jedi -- sworn to destroy the Sith -- and the end is that Padme dies because Anakin loses his temper and lashes out at her.
I may be Anakin apologist but considering his situation he didn’t act out of character, id be pissed off too if i contacted my wife when i am in hiding and she brings a cop there (it seemed like that to Anakin since he didn’t know Obi-wan snuck on board) before i can explain myself to my wife
Firstly, you are an Anakin apologist and he did act out of character. His behaviour after discovering Sidious’ identity and stopping Mace from killing a Sith Lord is out of character. Anakin is a bright, kind and friendly child with a temper issue. Anakin is someone who hates injustice and despises the way some people are treated by others for no other reason than because of where they were born or who they were born to. He was a slave and then he became a Jedi; he went from victim to protector. His final character jump sent him from protector to oppressor. That’s not in character, that’s specifically cultivated and justified behaviour because he puts his own needs above absolutely everything else.
He also had the chance to explain to Padme. He didn’t deny what he did and Padme actively rejected him when she realised he wasn’t sorry for what he’d done ‘in the name of love’. You’re justifying abuse and don’t even realise it.
Think of it like this, in a galaxy where there are force powers etc shit you keep seeing horrible nightmares of your wife dying, your mother gets kidnapped by space isis and killed,             you butcher the village in retaliation and tell your wife about it, after which the greatest political figure of your “country” tells you that there is a way to save your wifes life from the faith that seems foretold (like someone offering you a cure for cancer when you think your wife has cancer),            the old dude tells you you have to do something to get the cure (equivalent would probably be extracting stem cells from kids spines or something lethal), well you love your wife and can’t let her die because love,            well you go and do the dirty deed like a loving husband would can’t let your honey bun die, now you’re kind of in hiding waiting for your old dude friend to wipe out the cops (rought shit but it will all be worth it when i save my wife from certain death),            you contact your wife and tell her to meet you in some backwater planet where you two can talk it out, you can tell her why you did it and you can finally save her from her faith, your wife finally arrives the joy we are finally together, listen wife the reason i killed the younglings is “Everybody down on the ground, the Jedi man has arrived!”,            all your efforts to get the cure, all you did in the name of saving your wife and she brings a cop to execute you (that’s what he thought and can’t blame him, how the fuck did she not know Obi-Wan snuck on board?)
Firstly, Shmi Skywalker was kidnapped and tortured by Tusken Raiders on Tattooine, not ‘Space ISIS’. The settlers on Tattooine are the proverbial invaders of a planet where the Tuskens are the natural species. So your metaphor is inaccurate and shows but a lack of understanding and also a clear desire to produce extreme sympathy for Anakin. We don’t know why the Tusken’s took Shmi but it’s generally considered unusual behaviour. We do know that they have attacked farms on Tattooine before and that they have been united by an ex-Jedi at one point when Obi-Wan was in exile. This is all we know. So you’re making an assumption that they’re evil terrorists when you don’t even have the material to back you up. 
Anakin killed an entire village of Tuskens, including women and children. There is no excuse for that. Unless you think it would be acceptable for a US soldier to execute the children in an Iraqi village because some of the inhabitants were part of Al Queda? 
Obi-Wan had already informed Anakin in Attack of the Clones that ‘dreams pass in time’ referring to Anakin’s recurring problems with his dreams about his mother. Anakin didn’t inform Obi-Wan of anything after that and so Obi-Wan has no knowledge. He tried to help, in his own way. Anakin’s behaviour and fear of what he dreamt about Padme drove him to extremes of behaviour -- the love he held for her is what destroyed him because he was so selfish as to refuse to let her go.
The dangers of attachment isn’t of falling in love, it’s in that love turning into obsession which is what happened with Anakin. Palpatine used Anakin’s fears of losing Padme to sway him into his service and with Mace’s death, sealed his fate and that of Padme. 
Do you honestly think Padme would have died had she not been choked into unconsciousness by her ‘loving’ husband on a boiling planet of death, after the revelation that her husband had willingly committed genocide because of his love for her? 
If you do then there’s no hope for you.
The dialogue of the Mustafar scene is below, read it and perhaps recognise that Anakin admits to having become obsessed with power and paranoid. Perhaps also recognise how Padme only rejects him after he says he’s going to overthrow the Chancellor and together they can rule the galaxy.
Padme: Obi-Wan told me terrible things Anakin: What things? Padme: He said, you’d turned to the Dark Side. That you... killed younglings? Anakin: Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me Padme: He cares about us Anakin: Us? Padme: He knows. He wants to help you... Anakin, all I want is your love Anakin: Love won’t save you Padme, only my new powers can do that Padme: At what cost? You’re a good person, don’t do this! Anakin: I won’t lose you the way I lost my mother. I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of. And I’m doing it for you. To protect you Padme: Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can! Anakin: Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic. I am more powerful than the Chancellor. I- I can overthrow him. And together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be Padme: [backs away, shaking head] I don’t believe what I’m hearing. Obi-Wan was right, you’ve changed Anakin: I don’t want to hear any more about Obi-Wan. The Jedi turned against me, don’t you turn against me Padme: I don’t know you any more. Anakin... you’re breaking my heart. You’re going down a path I can’t follow Anakin: Because of Obi-Wan?  Padme: Because of what you’ve done! What you plan to do! Stop! Stop now! Come back! I love you! Anakin: LIAR! Padme: No! Anakin: You’re with him! You brought him here to kill me! [Starts choking HIS WIFE] Obi-Wan: Let her go Anakin!
The end of this interaction is that Padme rejects Anakin for going power-mad, Anakin admits he’s become a stranger to her and then attacks her over a perceived betrayal -- out of character for someone who at the beginning of the movie thought Padme might have been cheating on him and then APOLOGISED for thinking such things in the first place. 
In conclusion to your post that I’m not going to ever reblog, but will link here so others can read it in full, I have to say that your ending paragraph is... well, a fantastic example of selective thinking and something I daresay several of my friends from my psych classes would have had a field day with the dispositional and situational bias you exhibit.
who nearly killed Anakin and Padme? Obi-wan freaking Kenobi, well done douchebag, be sure to lie to his son that Vader killed Anakin to pit a son against his own father, Obi-wan was a fantastic space cop but an asshole friend and a person in general, dude is the reason Luke’s father is a space cyborg and Padme is a corpse, but that’s not all let’s turn their son into a space cop and tell him to kill daddy cyborg, he’ll never know it was his father, if he did this could really backfire but who gives a shit ill probs be dead by then
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