#intense site

[r0bee]

Scott Summers speaks to me on a personal autistic level in Marvel Snapshots and I want to talk about it a little bit

Trying to be helpful bc you know something and being told you're weird for it

Obsessed with the Fantastic Four/superheroes (same) and being especially drawn to them bc they're different like him (I mean his favourite is Reed who's also autistic/heavily autistic coded in most comics, and again SAME, Scott)

Thinking you just need to figure out one thing and suddenly all the strange things about you will make sense

Being obsessive about his interests (HARD RELATE I GET LIKE THIS A LOT)

Ignoring real life things/responsibilities bc he's so focused on something he's obsessed with (in this case seeing a member of the Fantastic Four)

Thinking that other autistic people who seem to have it all 'together' have figured out how to almost be allistic/completely understand the world like an allistic person when really you never will and that's fine!! (idk how to word this bit right for iykyk I guess?? Basically I will never fully 'get it' with some things that make sense to allistics but that's fine)

POST WAS LONGER THAN I MEANT FOR IT TO BE SOZ thank god for putting things under the cut

[lhazaar]

hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i recently went to the actual WH website, saw the cannon Barnaby after months of tumblr brainwashing *cough cough more realistic barn cough* and was taken aback, like i had to look at him for a few seconds. I choose to blame you and that Weevmo feller' for this

you. you haven't. you haven't looked at the actual website? you haven't looked at The Actual Project? i. im.

respectfully,

What.

[mellotronmkll]

Once again just find it really rich that people claim this is like the autistic website meanwhile everyone is mean as fuck about people actually having autistic traits

[emberwritesinsight]

Seeing people post about hating their own art/writing/whatever they've created makes me lowkey paranoid because I actually like most of my art and writing and it makes me worry that I'm experiencing the Dunning-Kruger effect

[wizard-irl]

What's This Joy of Satan Website?

You may have gotten someone asking your opinion of "joyofsatan.org," but what are they?

I have belaboured this post for weeks and I'm tired of giving them my energy. I'm going to hit the main points.

A content warning for antisemitism, racism and bigotry in general, Nazism, mentions of genocide, and conspiracist nonsense.

Archive of post.

JoS promotes itself to kids and teens, with a page called "Kids and Teens for Satanism" on their main site. Keep this in mind as you read.

JoS's leader, Maxine Dietrich, is married to a former chairman of the National Socialist Movement. That chairmain's affiliation with JoS had him ousted from the group.

JoS high priests routinely profess their support for Nazism, Hitler, and other Nazi members and policies.

JoS promotes several historical inaccuracies regarding the Nazis, including that Hitler had a humanitarian reason to not use chemical weapons in battle (despite Nazis themselves citing logistical reasons) as well as that queer people were not persecuted in Nazi Germany.

There are multiple posts calling high-ranking Nazis fond terms. Hitler is particularly praised as a "man of peace." There are multiple posts celebrating high-ranking Nazis' birthdays.

JoS hosts white nationalist material, including that of the Creativity movement and material from American Nazi groups.

JoS promotes the claim of "white genocide," all while denying the Holocaust.

JoS has put blame on Jewish people for everything from communism, 9/11, feminism, Black Lives Matter, the queer movement, and the media. Slurs against Jewish people are common in their writings, as are dogwhistles. Most, if not all of their writings contain antisemitism, and it is not hidden.

JoS has stated multiple times that National Socialism, the ideology of the Nazis, is not racist. They also claim they themselves are not racist, but their definition is heavily biased. They do state that, considering the enemy's (Jewish people) definition of racist, they are proud to be called that.

JoS has stated that you do not need to be a Nazi to be a Satanist, but that being a Satanist will lead you to Nazi ideals.

JoS is heavily anti-Muslim. Not just anti-Islam, but they go out of their way to portray Muslims as monsters preying on the goodwill of (white) countries.

JoS engages in Jesus mythicism, a position New Testament scholars dismiss as ahistorical. They're pretty anti-Christian in general.

JoS loves to appropriate from Hindu, Buddhist, and Yazidi religion. They claim the Yazidis are Satanists, something that is contributing to their ongoing genocide.

JoS is heavily into alien conspiracism, where they routinely compare Jewish people to Grey and Reptilian aliens. The latter of which is a common comparison in conspiracist spaces.

JoS claims the pre-Christian gods were aliens.

JoS claims COVID-19 is an engineered bioweapon.

JoS promotes the microchipping conspiracy.

I have spent more time researching them than I'd like to admit, and I have seen some truly horrific shit on their site and on sites connected to it. This is skimming the surface.

These people should not be allowed into any pagan or witchcraft community. They are already trying to worm their way into this site's communities, and we should not allow them to succeed.

[iamthepulta]

Considering I waited until halfway through the trip to actually pick up rocks, I think I'm doing pretty good. GOD I just love skarns. They're so fun to think about. You get to poke around in their innards and mentally play with phase diagrams and chemistry and 3D puzzles and then you gotta map it and it's evil with the sun beating down on you. My brain's baked; that's what this field area does to you.

anyway I have some garnet and some glassy limonite and some really nice vesuvianite! And I also picked up some brecciated marble which is the weirdest thing in a hot minute. It's recrystallized, but with lineations, except the lineations were rotated after brecciation and reannealed with minimal (<1cm) matrix. It's very fun.

[siodium]

my very self-indulgent doujima haul LMAO 💀 have i lost all sense of self-control? possibly. but can you blame me when the event has 600(?) booths!!! it was lowkey kinda overwhelming, and i didn't manage to walk through every aisle... but i still emerged... $400 poorer.... hee ho

mostly orv and (ban's) persona stuffs this time, with a tinge of alien stage bc i can't get over round 6. also some dungeon meshi merch!! i just caught up to the most recent episode and i rly like the series. bunch of dnd charas trying to not starve in their adventure so they cook up the monsters they come across, and the foods acTUALLY LOOK TASTY. i would've liked to get more dunmeshi stuff but i don't wanna have to pick only one of the gang?? they gotta come as set... together... y'know??

anyhows here's my haul + artists + randomly placed commentary (?):

persona 3 reload prints (@uwrowhy) - THE PRETTIEST SET OF P3 PRINTS!! the full set is insanely beautiful irl, and i'll have to do a separate post for when i set up the prints on my wall!! everything was so well thought out and carefully packaged. the sticker sheet even came with a set of explanations for each item?? and the paper bag was also super useful!! it carried the entirety of this haul, and everything was somehow still intact by the end of the event.

persona 3/5 chibi stickers (@laoyeJT)

makoto yuki mp3 player keychain, orv phone strap (@nokedoke) - the doublesided mp3 player with the smol makoto?? it's time to put it on my work lanyard so i can go Burn My breads in the pantry.

p3/p5 mc square stickers (@sanukett)

rng oni collectible cards, kappaca transport card sticker (@shermstan) - luwi and i both tried our luck at the card gacha and only got oni cards... what is this oni curse

dachi duck polaroid freebie (@dachi_duck) - pls support my friend koko's ducky art on instagram!!

lucifer keychain (@pomokat)

dungeon meshi laios wooden coaster (@missing24seven) - i know i said i didn't wanna choose a chara but i rly wanted a wooden coaster LOL. i did have the option of picking the walking mushroom design bUT LAIOS?? he looks so happy to be there.

glow-in-the-dark jellyfish keychain (@4YaOricca) - i charged it up by putting it in the sun, and it rLY DOES GLOW. wow!!

alnst sticker sheet, ivan and till prints (@charcharmaru)

alnst ivantill print, matching ivantill stickers and keychains (@mirugi11)

happy biyoo enamel pin (@nicubiii)

dokja birthday print, orv enamel mug, orv puffy photocard holders, dungeon meshi sticker sheet (@banacotta)

puffy biyoo keychain, pink and white orv sticker sheets (@hotpotchild) - !!! this was the first booth i went to bc i would not forgive myself if the poofy biyoo sold out. it's double-sided and super cute??

acrylic orv photocard holders, orv sticker pack (@waffletop_)

orv trio charm keychain, puffy dokja keychain, orv stamp washi tape, puffy biyoo sticker sheets (@para049) - i stumbled upon this booth completely by chance, and i'm so glad that i did. their art style is so pretty!! the trio keychain was the priciest item in this entire haul, but how could i not get it?

orv sticker sheet, ivantill stickers (@rossomimi)

smol demon king dokja sticker (@desirine_)

dokja acrylic stirrer (@amojinph) - i'm not exactly sure what i'll be stirring but yes.

aLSO not pictured but i received a bunch of candies from someone who complimented my makoto yuki fit?? thank you kind stranger. 😭🙏

[crumbledtower]

If I fall into the ocean, send my soul into the sea Will these reflections trouble me? Will I dream my final dream?

Can I fall into the ocean, send my soul into the sea? No distant echoes haunting me, no further phantoms will I see This silence held eternally

hey bro u good? me:

[the-labyrinth-of-me]

*nudges alan wake 2 with my foot* go away from my stupid overthinking brain. go.

[dykrophone]

the 39 clues girlies are having a field day in the notes of a post I made months ago and all I can do is gaze upon them fondly as I remember the most passionate late lover of my life

[personalzombie-tv]

There's so many things i wanna say re: informed consent and aftercare in regards to ttrpgs and other roleplay situations but i can not get the ideas in the right order. Gonna give it my best shot though.

A lot of people who suck have been yelling on tiktok about consent surveys and checkins becoming more popular with mainstream DnD. And like- it's just like in bdsm really. You gotta know what you're getting into, provide continuous consent to it, and have a way out if it gets to be too much. The only real difference between sexily pretending to be someone's maid or whatever and pretending to be an orc in a massive collaborative storytelling session is the content of the pretending and how likely anyone involved is gonna get their rocks off to it. It's still the same kind of effect on the brain and you're gonna be processing emotions that come from that. It's super important to know exactly what to expect and be able to set hard (and soft) boundaries about what you are and are not ok with experiencing there.

There's a reason safewords are considered so important in a lot of bdsm circles even when the scene isn't a situation where a plain "no" might go ignored. It's an immediate stop and return to the real world outside of the play. Having that in non-sexy rp is an amazing tool. It lets the gm or other players know "hey this needs to stop now" without having to say those words or worry about whether it's a full stop or a pause. It pulls everyone out immediately and gets them on the same level. I think anyone who's unexpectedly encountered more than they could handle in a game can appreciate the ability to do that.

The thing I haven't seen talked about as much as that though is the concept of aftercare. Like, especially in high rp settings where emotions are running high you gotta be able to take the time afterward to calm down. You need to be able to talk to your friends and remember you're playing a game, they still care about you even if your character and theirs just tried to murder each other. Maybe it doesn't get talked about much cause there's no real word for it that doesn't have the sex connotation but we really should be. I've seen first hand how dropping after intense rp can hurt someone and leave them not wanting to continue playing. You gotta make room to take care of your friends. Especially in online gaming where you can't exactly just hand them a slice of pizza and tell them how well they did acting and how much you love them.

I don't know how to end this. I've just been thinking a lot about these things. I'm glad consent forms and check ins are becoming more normalized in the gaming space. Good for everyone that that's happening even if the old guard dudebros are pissed off about it

[unironicallytes]

Definitely want to make Xith-Izkul a holy site for the Brotherhood and there is an associated holiday where you go for some good old fashioned chanting to the huge Sithis statue

Yeah sure the Brotherhood is everywhere in 3E but if you want the real shit you need to go on the Annual Xanmeer Retreat and throat-sing while they sacrifice a volunteer on stage

[askthefivefallen]

https://lutualverse.fandom.com/wiki/Lefty

Y'all have a wikipedia??? God works hard but y'all work harder.

((idk how to answer this in character, lmao, but yeah, @able-juice set it up for us, to better keep track of storylines and the like. It's being expanded bit by bit. There's even a Shipping Chart.))

[suplexingsteve]

Do we think moleman Is actually that intense about soil or if he was infected by some kind of rage virus after snorting the cursed dirt

[qwuilty]

All the Postal 1997 original beta screens, from what i've been able to uncover so far (with transcripts):

(Note: This text also appears for the Good Morning / what would later become the Home level in the 1997 developer showcase, thank you to KeshaFilms on youtube for the clearer recording)

The Construction Site

10/17/97 The demons are real and they are here. Fate has delivered me into their midst and given me the opportunity to save my species from a million years of dominion.

Parade of Disasters

10/18/97 I can hear the rumble, the thunder of drums in the distance. If i find them there, then i will know the Old One was right.

The Junk Yard

10/17/97 In the hands of the Old One, I am a weapon of destruction spitting death all directions to slay the enemies of mankind.