#internet collectively decided that no matter how bad the show was we were gonna watch in solidarity as an F U to Netflix

[puthyflapps]

First kill spends a third week in the global top 10. It has over 100 million hours watched. The teen white gay show got 30 million hours and only spent 2 weeks in the top 10. It took exactly 1 month for it to get renewed for 2 seasons so by my calculations we should be getting an announcement of a 6 season renewal on July 10.

Now hear me out bc maybe I misinterpreted what was happening but I thot the girlies turned out in droves to watch FK to spite Netflix for giving the wlw show with a black lesbian lead little to no promo. Showing up, showing out no matter the quality of the show just to make a point

Then once it came back that it did better than heartflopper the girlies decided to go back for round 2 to run the numbers up even more and force Netflix’s hand. Basically saying like, “this show outsold the white gay boys who got a 3 season renewal so you better give us s2 or finally admit you don’t care about wlw people/media”

Is that not what was happening? Why do I feel like some people were experiencing something completely different? Like were they not aware of the plan? Did the plan change on me?

[mego42]

I 100% agree about wanting more fanfic lists! I honestly think it's the best way to get a variety. Everybody has personal preferences, if someone, who mostly reads long, fluffy au Brio fic, is making recs, they're not likely to mention short, angsty, canon Brio (which is understandable and fair!) so ideally someone else, who does like those, would also do recs. I'm pretty sure I've read or at least tried the vast majority of Brio fics, but the recs often make me re-read the fic and author.

YAAASSSS!!! I mean like, okay, I v much get why people have issues with rec lists, and I def do not by any stretch endorse the idea that recs/rec lists should be considered anything other than one person sharing a think they liked, but to me a lot of the issues (the same fics/authors getting recced, feeling like awesome fics/authors are going unrecognized) can be solved by more reccing, not less. everyone’s got different taste and different stuff they look/read for and I am extremely pro sharing that.

Idk, I think about it like this: in a previous internet life I was a YA book blogger and I lived and died by recs from other bloggers whose taste and preferences I knew. I mean, you know, I’d check out a book bc the premise sounded interesting but literally the first thing I would do was go to Goodreads and look for a handful of people who tended to like the same books I did and see what they were saying about it bc that was the best way to get a good idea of if I wanted to give it a shot. Or, on the flip side, there were some people whose reviews I followed bc I knew we v much did not read for the same things so if they hated a book for X, Y and Z reasons, I was probs going to like it (one thing about book blogging is if you want to keep current, you do not have a lot of time to mess around, snap judgements are key but that’s a whole other thing and idk if it’s even relevant anymore bc that landscape has changed so much). 

ANYWAY, the point is, I got in the habit and now I do the same thing with fic bc, tbh, I don’t have a ton of time to read, esp not when I’m actively writing which, with the exception of the last week or two, I’ve been doing p non-stop since I got here. All of which to say is, I am desperately in favor of fic recs for purely selfish reasons, I need them! Give them to me!!! Please!!!!!

That said, I uh, am v bad at returning the favor and I recognize that (I think I’ve made what? two rec lists for this fandom?) so I will try to do better to live by my own, idek what this is, moving on and here are 10 recs not really thematically linked by anything other than I’ve read them and loved them and don’t think I’ve put any of them on one of my rec lists yet (and if I have, my blog is a trainwreck I cannot be expected to remember what’s on it LET ME LIVE):

The Goodest Boy by EnsignDisaster

There’s a key turning in the lock and Buddy rushes over to greet his Master excited for her to meet his new friends. The door opens and he dances around Master’s feet rejoicing on the fact that she’s made it home. It's been literally forever.

“Hey Buddy what’s wrong? Need to go potty? Need to pee-pee?”

“Nah he’s good we took him out.”

Master does something very unMasterlike, she drops all the food she’d brought in on the ground and screams. It’s a non traditional avant garde type of hello…Buddy loves it. Mostly because while Master taps furiously on her small light box and sits tense in the corner opposite his new friend Buddy can lick up the egg smashed on the hardwood floor.

Buddy! The! Dog! POV! no further explanation necessary. Technically WIP, but it covers the whole pilot in a way that could be read as standalone (THOUGH THAT WOULD V MUCH GIVE ME A SAD though, when did the show forget the Bolands had a dog? so maybe that’s a tragic casualty of canon, idk)

May The Moon’s Silvery Beams by @pynkhues

Emma hums in agreement, and Rio turns her around to sit her on the counter, grabbing one of the older looking boxes of muesli while she kicks her legs out, heels bumping back against the counter, watching him. He gropes around the inside of the box, finally just opting to pull the plastic cereal bag out and peering inside. He can’t quite keep the grin off his face when he sees the wad of cash lining the bottom. This woman kills him, she really does.

Then there’s a little face peering up beside him, trying to peek into the box.

“What is it?” she asks, and he tilts the box sideways so she can see inside.

The upside to not getting here until s3 is that old fic is new to me! Huzzah!! Idk how many of y’all have already read this on but if you haven’t I highkey recommend. Extremely cute take on what if Emma woke up when Rio and came by to collect his/Beth’s/whoever's money during the shutdown. Cannot believe I’m reccing kidfic. Witchcraft!!!!!!

Maybe You’re My Fantasy by ohmisterjapan

He fucking loves the involuntary. It speaks to how he likes to unlock chaos and walk away. He's been called a control freak before and it felt like such a misunderstanding of him - he's all about self control but he doesn't want to control others. It's more that he enjoys revealing to them how little they can control themselves. It's more that he likes to stand still in the eye of someone else's storm and pick coldly through the wreckage.

Another oldie but a goodie. This fic is more like an extended character study (first chapter Rio POV, second chapter Beth) and I LIVE FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT. I really really really love the take on both characters, it really digs in and pulls out some nuances that made me sit and think about my own read of them and I love it.

A Shock Of Blue by mintletters16

“You don’t look very well. Would you… like me to get you a glass of water or something?”

Her voice is low but smooth, laced with a softness that cuts straight though to his core. Strawberry blonde locks fall gently just above the pair of magnets freezing him in place.

He can still feel the chaos tearing through his veins - emanating from the gold plated gun stuffed in his waistband - and suddenly he can’t be here anymore. Can’t meet this wide-eyed gaze that’s been locked on his for the past God-knows-how-long anymore.

Can’t see blue alive and concerned when he just left it cold and void somewhere in oblivion.

She’s looking at him like he’s on the brink of madness. He thinks maybe he is.

Apparently, it’s backlist rec day over here and I’m not sorry. This one is another technical WIP but the chapter works as a standalone (BUT if the author decided to return to it I WOULD NOT BE MAD). It’s a what if Beth and Rio met pre-canon and it works so!!! well!!!! The tension and fascination and build are all *chef’s kiss* plus the writing is gorgeous and lyrical and ugh, I love it.

for a moment we were strangers by openhearts

“We got stuff,” Rio motions with a nod to the backpack Beth hadn’t noticed when they arrived hanging on the back of one of the chairs at the island.

She swallows and turns back to the dishes, realizing Rio apparently means to sleep there , assuming the place isn’t bugged.  Or for some kind of cover story if it is.  She turns and fixes Rio with a narrow-eyed stare, studying his face, the corner of his jaw especially prominent from the angle she’s looking up at him.  He’s methodical about drying each dish and setting it back on the rack, maddeningly ignoring her hard stare, so when he goes to take the next plate from her hands she grips it tightly and gets his attention.

“Hey.”

“What you on about now?” he asks, irritated.

It gets her gut uneasy, how he’s just . . . there, settling in, in ways he never had before, no matter how nonchalantly he would let himself in through her locked doors.  

“This is,” Beth tries, failing, to find words for it, “. . . it’s weird .”

This one takes place post 204 and Rio and Marcus end up spending a long weekend staying with Beth and Emma for reasons (that work, for the record, I’m just not trying to summarize rn) and it’s domestic and cute but honestly my fav part of it is how weirded out Beth is by how easily they slip into sync. The story does an excellent job balancing where they are in canon (uneasy post-sex truce) with a snapshot of what they could be if they got over themselves (HA! as if) and Beth is DEEPLY FREAKED which makes her slow slide into realizing she could maybe sort of kind of oh shit like it/him??? that much more satisfying.

Not So Careful by @bensonstablers

When he doesn’t answer, her eyes go to his but he’s too busy watching the letter opener which is still pressed against the back of his hand. Curiously, Beth runs it up his arm, careful not to press too hard, and smiles a little as he shivers. Pulling her leg up onto the bed, she shuffles closer to him before pressing the tip of the sword to his chest and slowly circling his left nipple with it, being sure not to get too close.

“You ain’t gotta be that careful.”

And when she lifts her eyes to meet his, he’s got that look. The one that always makes a lump form in her throat and for her to fall back into bed with him without a single thought of what they have to do that day. Only thing is, this time they’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the weekend and well, staying in bed the entire time had seemed like an appealing idea so she allows herself to give in a little to that look.

It makes me EXTREMELY SAD that knifeplay ranked so low on the kink survey so I’m gonna need y’all to check out this V V V EXCELLENT example of it and come back and tell me you’re sorry and you voted wrong. I am v reasonable what are you talking about.

love (where it wasn’t supposed to be) by @lilliloves

"You know what I can't stand?" Rio asks, stepping closer. It's a rhetorical question but he pauses for a second and watches Dean sniff, watches a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead, watches him shift on both his feet as he contemplates making a run for it.

"A guy who don’t realize how good he's got it." Rio continues, looking Dean up and down in disgust. "A guy that will literally fuck up a good thing just to get his dick wet."

"Yeah, well I can't stand a guy who can have anyone he wants but chooses the married woman he's not entitled to.” Dean shoots back. "And I really can't stand the fact that you're always in the room with us even when you aren't there."

And who brings him into the room Dean hmmmmm????? Jk, jk (or am I). In this one Rio catches Dean out on the town with another woman (bc of course he is) and tries to call him out but whoops! gets called out himself. I really love the like, idk, undercurrent of wistful regret in this fic. I love Dean straight up calling Rio out on his feelings (spoilers but there’s an exchange right after this one that made me straight up holler), and, you know, obvs I am here for Rio making Dean feel like an ass. 

Hell Is Other People by makemanybraver

Rio: We're in Hell, Elizabeth! If you don't think you belong here, then repent! Don't fuck everyone in the room in hopes that you get to go out!

Beth: Why do I have to repent?!

Rio: Because you did some fucked up shit in your life, Elizabeth! You keep doing fucked up shit here, too! And you think you don't belong here!

Beth [screaming at the top of her lungs]: Because I don't!

This fic is existentially bonkers and I love it. It’s the kind of experimental format/homage/what have you kind of thing that I L O V E. Based on No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, Beth, Rio, and Fitzpatrick are stuck together in a room in hell for all eternity. What more do you need, honestly.

Working On Things by odenkirk

Unknown Hold up, Elizabeth. I'm really thinkin about you here.

Beth turned her face into the pillow, effectively suffocating herself for a moment, but thinking it was a good trade off for the way the cool silk of her pillowcase chilled her skin.

She lifted her head to glance at the still sleeping Dean before replying.

Beth I'm thinking about you too. But this can't happen.

She wanted him to know she wanted him, but she also thought that admitting she was already there would save Rio from trying to convince her. She wanted him, but morals had to win just once in a while.

YES this is technically Beth/Dean while also being Beth/Rio BUT it’s also sort of Rio/Dean and I am HERE FOR THE DIVERSITY OF SHIPPING leave me alone who asked you.

Five Times He Knew What She Was Thinking, and One Time He Didn't by JoeyLee

Aight, so tell ‘em I was hittin’ it. Said deliberately blunt, eyes locked on her face the whole time, just to see those blue eyes widen. She looked so shocked that he almost laughed, so he softened it teasingly just to keep her going. Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart, tell ‘em we were makin’ love.

Then he just watched her, just watched her face, just fucking fascinated. Her lips were parted and her eyes were big as saucers, and…there it was. Before she could look away flustered, he watched the thought go through her mind. Him and her together.

He wondered what she was picturing or where. Them in the back seat, her bed, a motel?  Her on top or him from behind or his face between her legs?

Whatever it was, the blush started immediately, and he watched it bloom out from her cheeks to her hair. Then she was tearing her eyes away to gulp a little.  But it didn’t knock her down for long before she was looking back. And then, wait, was she actually asking him how to go about telling a fed they were fucking?

Okay this is another technical WIP but works as a standalone. I am absolutely fucking feral for character POV takes of canon scenes and this is a supremely excellent take on Rio POV of some notable scenes from the pilot through 204. Imo it brilliantly captures Rio’s voice and I love it a lot. 

HEADS UP I am absolute shite at tracking ao3 to tumblr unless people have specifically told me someone’s ao3/tumblr name SO if you recognize any of the non-tumblr authors on please lmk so I can tag them and YES I recognize that I am asking y’all to do things for me throughout this entire post and I’M SORRY OKAY I’M A WHOLE ASS MESS LOVE YOU BYE

[romaniassexdungeon]

Shattered Romanticism of a God - chapter 9

Pairings: SuFin, NedDen,

Vidar - Norway // Tolli - Iceland // Luca - Luxembourg // Adriaan - Netherlands // Gunner - Denmark

Sorry this is late. I'm a slow dumbass. I would like to try to keep this updated regularly, though, as it has a whole load of support and I feel bed when I can't update due to being a sleepy bitch. There's some dumb jokes in here, but no funny business. Hope you enjoy.

Read on AO3

Vidar would make a good manager.

He was cunning, ruthless and incredibly intelligent, and the music industry had no idea of the storm that was coming. He could and would calculate his way to success, using whoever he needed, and dumping them in the gutter when they’d outlived their use. He was a filthy, greedy man who would probably meet his end at the guillotine, but at least he’d be swimming in money and power until the end. He would drag the Screaming Pagans to the top, or burn everything trying.

At least, that was what Gunner said in his tipsy pre-drinks speech.

He slapped his cousin on the shoulder, laughing heartily as he pulled him into a one-armed hug. “We’ll be getting bookings every week now!”

“No pressure then,” muttered Tolli, standing next to Tino.

The Screaming Pagans, Tino, and Tolli were crowded in Berwald and Gunner’s main room, all a couple of glasses of wine into what promised to be a night of drinking. And dancing. And acting like idiots.

Eduard, for some reason, had turned down his own invitation. Something about not wanting to babysit drunk Tino, and having a date of his own. Unfortunately, he’d refused to say more on the subject. No matter how much Tino asked and pleaded and teased about his date actually being his hand.

For the first time ever, Eduard hadn’t risen to the bait, so Tino had to suspect he really did have a date. Well, good for Eduard! Internet explorer-chan body pillow or real woman, it was an improvement.

He wasn’t a big clubbing guy, anyway. But, neither was Berwald, now that he thought about it. Was he dreading it? Tino shuffled over to him and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Berwald almost smiled back.

“Trinity is the best place in town,” Gunner insisted, lining them all up outside the club of his choice.

“That’s it, you’re officially old,” Tolli rolled his eyes, “to anyone born this century, it’s Club Galaxy. They’re the best, and they’re a student bar so drinks are cheaper. Also it’s my uni bar so I get things for extra cheap.”

“You go there too?” asked Luca, beaming like he'd found a new ally.

“Their music’s too loud,” Gunner whined, proving Tolli’s point. “You can’t talk to people! And their beer's bad.”

“Drink vodka, then,” said Vidar, “don’t be a pussy.”

“No thanks. I don’t like the taste.”

“Costs more to get blackout drunk.”

“What makes you think that’s what I want? Maybe I just want a couple beers and a relax?”

Vidar flicked him on the ear affectionately. “Because I know you.”

“I’m not gonna get stupid. This time. Maybe. You’re no fun.”

“Don’t bully him,” Gilbert whined, “just cause we’re old, doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

“I’ve felt old since 17,” Tino commented, only within earshot to Berwald. “Or at least, my back does.”

Berwald nodded in agreement.

“You’re all old and embarrassing,” muttered Tolli. "Why do I spend time with you?"

Vidar shrugged. "Can't make friends your own age?"

“I’m cool,” Gunner pouted, “I smoke and fuck!”

“I gave you one toke and you almost choked, cried, then asked to go to the hospital,” said Adriaan, raising his eyebrow.

“No comeback for the fucking thing, I see.” Gunner flicked his nose, “also you charged for every puff. You're literally the worst.”

“I refuse to believe you fuck,” said Vidar, “not having a proper job really leaves you swimming in cock, especially when you take them home and show them your Lego model collection.”

“Did I fucking ask? I have a real job, and some people still have a childish side. Surely your girlfriend isn’t completely boring, right? She gotta have a childish side.”

“Nope.”

“Really? Not even a little?”

“She likes gross, sexual jokes, like some 12 year old, but generally no.”

Gunner blinked. “Huh. Wasn’t expecting that. Does she collect stuff? Everyone collects stuff, right? You know, I really do think she's a robot.”

“Ornamental knives.”

“Bruh, that’s so hot. Does she ever… use them? On you?”

Vidar looked at him. “I’m not answering that.”

“Are we talking about kinks?” asked Tino excitedly.

Gilbert winced. “And other things not beneficial to my relationship with the lord.”

“I wanna talk about kinks too!” Luca clapped his hands excitedly.

“Like the person saying your name?” suggested Tolli, to Vidar’s horror.

“You’re way too young to-”

“I’m eighteen, shitlips, I’ll talk all I want.”

“I used to be into the name thing,” Gilbert commented, “I dunno, it seemed nice, like your own hypeman. Except then the last 8 people said my name was too dumb to shout out in a sexy way.”

Gunner raised an eyebrow. “And by 8 people, you mean…”

“Two. But it really, really hurt my feelings.”

Tino burst out laughing. “Oooh, my turn!”

“No!” Vidar covered his mouth, “we haven’t got all night.”

Tino wondered if it was his imagination, or if Berwald looked a little disappointed at that. Did he want to know what Tino was into? Tino wanted to know what he was into, even if it was just holding hands under the moonlight, he’d be happy to indulge.

Though if Berwald was into feet, Tino was telling him to fuck off right now. Some weirdo kept sending him emails asking for feet pics and it honestly unnerved the hell outta him. He hoped it was just Vidar playing a prank on him.

Email weirdo was offering 1100 krona, though. Seemed like easy money, if Tino was 20% poorer and had 5% less dignity.

Why did his mind go to these places?

And now he’d missed whatever it was Luca had said to make everyone else start protesting and kinkshaming in horror.

“I just like the mask! And the lead!” Luca was defending, “I don’t actually want to be a dog!”

“Haha! Furry!” Gunner pointed and laughed at him. Adriaan bristled.

“What’s wrong with that?”

Gunner looked at him. “You made your brother a furry, didn’t you?”

“Good taste runs in the family.”

“I have never seen a fursona’s colour scheme that could be described as ‘good taste’.”

Adriaan reeled like Gunner had just punched him in the face. Luca looked like he was about to faint.

“Gunner,” began Tino, “how would you know unless you’ve seen multiple fursonas? Are you involved in the community?”

“You’re banned from writing about us, Väinämöinen. Not if you’re gonna be exposing us like that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a furry,” said Tolli, “except to everyone who picked on me in high school apparently.”

“Because you wore your fursuit to school every day,” Vidar pointed out. “And you were fourteen and refused to wear deoderant.”

“So you’re the guy who gives us all a bad name?” asked Luca. “Tolli!”

“I was a different person then!”

“Am I the only person in the band who isn’t a furry?” asked Gilbert.

“M’not a furry,” Berwald mumbled.

“I’m not in the band,” added Tolli.

“Also I’ve rped with your brother on furaffinity,” said Adriaan, "Lud's fursona is a German shepherd into BDSM."

Gilbert started banging his head against the wall. “I really wish we were inside and I didn’t have to listen to you people.”

“The music isn’t as loud, though,” Tolli pointed out, “you could still hear us.”

“It’s loud enough for me to escape!”

“Okay, just be on your best behaviour,” said Gunner, “we’re advertising the Screaming Pagans too, remember.”

“That why you’re all wearing band t shirts?” asked Tino, wishing he’d worn his, too, even if he wasn't a band member. He liked fitting in, which was a little tricky, given how weird he was.

“Yeah, it was Vidar’s idea,” Gunner affectionately punched his cousin on the arm.

“Even though no one can read the band name because it looks like a pile of twigs?”

All five members of the Screaming Pagans, and new manager Vidar, looked down at their shirts in disappointment. Berwald looked so heartbroken Tino wished he’d said nothing.

“Hey, we’re in,” Luca pulled Tolli forward, striding past the bouncer with a sweet smile. After getting his hand stamped, Tino followed, holding Berwald’s arm when he started looking nervous. Maybe it was growing up with Eduard, but he tended to feel protective of introvert friends, even though he was something of an introvert himself. Dad instincts, or something.

He only had vague memories of Trinity, but the glowing purple lights did seem familiar. He’d thrown up in the bathroom here. Luca ran over to the bar to order shots, knocking them down with absolute glee, and Tino decided to join him. Berwald, like his cousin, tended to opt for beer, ordering one and sitting at a table in the corner. Tino and Vidar ended up joining him for an hour or so, getting progressively more drunk and watching their friends be stupid.

“Since when were those two together?” asked Tino, watching Gunner hump Adriaan like an overly excitable dog. Adriaan, for his part, actually seemed to be enjoying it, and kissed his cheek with more affection than Tino had ever seen him use, even with his family.

Berwald shrugged, staring at the two in what must pass for bewilderment with his face.

“You didn’t know?” asked Tino.

“Nah. S’plains a lot, though.”

“Like why Gunner’s always at his place?”

Berwald grunted.

“Do you think they’re good together?”

He shrugged. “Guess. Been best friends forever.”

“I don’t know how they put up with each other,” added Vidar, “but they do.”

“I think they’re sweet.” Tino watched Adriaan try to pick Gunner off the ground, then promptly give up and let him carry on trying to do the worm. It was more like a worm dipped in bleach, from what Tino could see, but at least it was less horrifying than what he’d been doing before.

When he finally looked away, Gunner had been doing the macarena to euphoria.

“Wanna dance?” he asked Berwald, who squirmed.

“Hey, you’re probably not as bad as me,” he reassured him, “come on. Just for a bit. One song, then we’ll sit back down.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Berwald nodded and let Tino lead him to the dance floor. He swayed awkwardly to the music, still holding Tino’s hands as he danced wildly out of tune, shaking his cheeks like a baby in a lion’s mouth. He cared little for those around him, and how many people were within range of his iron hips.

The terrible dancing did seem to amuse Berwald, but Tino could tell the blaring music was overwhelming him. He dropped it low, touched his face gently and took his hand, leading him outside for a moment. Out in the crisp, night air, Berwald looked a lot happier.

“Want to stay out here for a bit?” asked Tino, face softening. Berwald nodded, but he still looked uneasy.

“Want to stay out here forever?” he added gently, “or go home and drink instead?”

Berwald nodded again, significantly more enthusiastic. Tino rubbed his back until he was ready to make a move, giving Vidar a quick text to explain the situation. Then, he lead Berwald down the street.

“Want more beer?” he asked once they came across a corner shop. Tino picked a bottle of vodka for himself. A small one, so he wouldn’t get too stupid. And maybe seduce Berwald in a normal, acceptable manner. Maybe he’d think Tino was cute and smart and handsome and someone definitely worth dating. Except he wasn't cute! What was he saying?

Berwald nodded awkwardly, and Tino grabbed a six pack he’d seen him drink before. Not that he was paying attention to Berwald’s every preference and mood, despite the lack of facial cues to help with that.

Berwald insisted on paying, even though Tino’s drink was more expensive. He explained he and Gunner had gotten new jobs, just to tide them over and keep them housed until the band took off. Tino’s heart ached at the thought of them not being able to live their dreams yet; they had the talent, they just needed the chance.

Maybe Vidar really could get them there.

They had to be careful, as they stumbled through the streets - drinking and singing out of tune - that they didn’t run into any police officers who would take their alcohol. And maybe fine them if they were feeling particularly mean.

“Have you ever tho- thought about writing a song about corp- corp. Rich companies. And rich people.”

Berwald watched him try and get his sentence out in amusement. Tino, meanwhile, stepped onto a low wall to try and be eye-level with the man. He still wasn’t.

Berwald nodded. “Migh’ do. Call 'em out fer being evil.”

“Yeah, of course.” He stumbled, and Berwald steadied him, “just throwing out ideas. You see what sticks.”

He smiled. “Thanks.”

“What are you working on? Song-wise.” He wished Berwald would work on him. What did that even mean?

“Tryna find an angle,” he shrugged, “like, somethin’ unique.”

“Like the viking stuff?”

Berwald nodded. “Somethin’ else too. Lotta bands do the viking stuff.”

Tino nodded and thought for a while. “Right. Something to set you apart from other indie bands... Huh, you like Eurovision?”

“Course I do. M’Swedish.”

“What about metal covers of Eurovision songs? But, like, the weird ones. Who wouldn’t want a metal cover of dancing lasha tumbai?”

Berwald snorted. “Serious ‘nes too. Heroes m’tal version? Wanna do it.”

“Can I be the tiny LED boy who flies off with a balloon?” asked Tino.

“Mm! Please!”

“Although, as much as I love this idea, you know what’s better than metal covers of Eurovision?”

“Hm?”

“Actually sending metal songs to Eurovision.”

Berwald nodded. “Hung’ry’s got the right idea.”

“Hey! We did it first!”

He smirked. “They did it better.”

“You’ve literally covered Lordi! You ever covered AWS?”

“Dun member,” he mumbled childishly. Jokingly. Bastard.

“I was there. It was the first time I saw you perform?”

“Can’t recall.”

“It was night of the loving dead !”

“ Raise h’ll in heaven , actually.”

“How wasted was I? Also ha! You admitted it!”

Berwald gave a hum. He might’ve been a little too drunk. “M’ybe so. Hey, Tino?”

“Yeah?”

He came to a halt, then began singing in his beautiful, low voice. “ Sieben, Sieben, ai lyu lyu, Sieben, Sieben, ein, zwei, Sieben, Sieben, ai lyu lyu, ein, zwei, drei .”

Tino didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or shrivel up in cringe; Berwald's voice did not match the song at all, and his body had no idea how to react. He was completely in love. “Dude, marry me, but, like platonically,” he added quickly.

Berwald looked at him strangely, then took his hands and swung them from side to side. “Tanzen!”

“Ich liebe!” He gave a little jump.

Tino almost fell off his wall, and Berwald grabbed him by the waist. He spun him around, growling in his ear, “I want to see, lasha tumbai.”

“I want to see! Lasha tumbai!”

“Rock 'n roll angels bring thyn hard rock hallelujah, demons and angels all in one have arrived!”

Tino snuggled up to him, and his body felt a little colder after Berwald put him down.

“C’me on,” Berwald took his hand, “lets get back to- back to- um.”

“Your place?”

He nodded sheepishly.

“Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are?” asked Tino, tripping over the coat stand. Berwald steadied him gently, and Tino cuddled his arm in response, with no intention of letting go. “And you have nice arms. They’re… good-shaped. Shapey. Hard.” He traced his fingers over Berwald’s hand, over the veins and rough knuckles and all the little nicks in his fingertips. “Good hands... good, strong hands.”

Berwald, for his part, seemed to be trying his best not to laugh. That was fair; Tino’s entire life was a cringe compilation his cousins were slowly putting together.

“Do you make things?” asked Tino, “you should. You have creative...ing hands.”

“I whittle,” he mumbled.

”Of course! Good whittle hands! You can make things!”

“Helps with nerves,” he admitted.

“It’s sad you have troubles with nerve. Stupid nerves. You’re so amazing and beefy and smart and handsome and you can do anything.”

“Got nerf’d with anxiety.”

He smiled. “Like how I got nerfed by being a manlet?”

“Yer cute. Small ‘n cute.”

“Don’t make me come up there and fight you!” Tino hugged him instead. Or, more accurately, fell against him. Berwald wrapped his arms around him. “Can’t hurt you. Too nice. Stupid tree.” Berwald snorted and lead him to the sofa to sit down. He went to pour them both glasses of water, because he was that barrel of laughs who drank water on a night out, to stay hydrated.

“You’re good,” when Berwald sat down, Tino leaned against him, sipping the water. “So good. You’re the best. You’re so nice to me, and- and- I wish I could make it up to you, and tell you I like you.”

Berwald blinked at that. “Y’like me?”

“Yeah. I wish I could let you know. Like, by fellating you or something.”

“Telling me would be fine!” Okay, if Berwald was saying that, maybe Tino needed to work on communication. Except, right now, his head was swimming and he was talking out his arse.

“You deserve nice things,” he tried to explain, “and you’re so handsome.”

“Yer drunk.”

“You’re hot.”

“Yes, but y’need a lie down.”

Tino perked up at that. “In your bed?”

“Yes. Not like that. Jus’ sleeping.”

Tino nodded. “See? You’re so nice to me, even though I’m being gross and weird. Like, I just said I wanted to blow you and you’re looking after me.”

Berwald shrugged. “Like ya too.”

“Really? Even though I’m a mess?”

“Yeah. Cute. Fun.”

Tino nodded and rested his head on his chest. “Strong. Gentle.”

Berwald picked him up, bridal-style, and lead him to his bedroom. Tino looked around at Berwald’s sword collection before gently being laid down on the bed. He noticed a workbench in the corner with half-finished wood carvings set out in a line. The sheets were clean, bed made, and it didn't smell like it had been slept in.

“Your room is nice,” he commented, “sure- sure you don’t- want me-”

“Go to sleep,” Berwald began stroking his hair, “want me t’sing ya to sleep?”

Tino nodded. He’d pay hundreds to hear Berwald’s voice; how lucky he was to hear it here, in the calm of night.

“Rise, nations pride… Hold what's yours… Strike 'em were it hurts…”

“Think I might love you,” he mumbled. Berwald was too stunned to reply.

The next morning, Tino woke up with a raging hangover nowhere near as painful as the overwhelming shame as he began remembering just what he’d done and said and oh God he needed to get outta there .

So, whilst Berwald was still asleep - tangled up in his arms - he pulled himself out of bed as gently as possible, gathered up his clothes, and left, making as little noise as possible.

In the hallway, he ran into Gunner, also doing the walk of shame. Not that he had even heard of shame, judging by the smug grin he wore as he wiggled his eyebrows at Tino.

“Yo, did my cousin actually get some?”

“Fuck off Densen,” he ducked past him and out into sunshine that had no business being that bright.

[purplebenjy]

Forest For The Trees | Part 2

“Okay-keep your eyes closed.”

It was a few months later and Benjy was surprisingly happy being “the other woman”. When Forest was with him, he showered him with attention, and when he wasn’t, Benjy had time to put his effort into projects that mattered to him.

One of which had been looking up Dr. Forest Everly on Yahoo People Search. His wife was named Alison, and she had pretty red hair. They had two kids, according to the internet. Benjy didn’t know their names—their father had yet to mention them.

During the day, or the nights when Forest was able to “work late” and stay over, Benjy was able to convince himself that he didn’t care. That Alison and her red hair and her nameless children didn’t matter. That if anything, it was her fault for falling for someone clearly interested in men. It was her fault for having children with him. Was it was her fault that Benjy, try as he might, couldn’t control himself around her husband? What kind of person did this make him? Not only was he the cause for an affair, but if he was being honestly with himself, Benjy also thought the sneaking around and hiding it was hot.

So maybe he was a terrible person. Benjy could live with that. He hopes.

As for now, he’s got his hands over Forest’s eyes, leading him into the basement studio space in the art building that he gets to rent out as part of his scholarship. It’s Saturday, Forest’s key got them in—if they were seen together, they were just going to tell people Forest was mentoring him for his end of the year review. And in a way, it wasn’t a lie.

“Okay and....”

Benjy presses a kiss to the side of Forest’s neck, breathing him in for a moment, the butterflies in his stomach twisting up into his throat. Benjy takes a breath.

“Open.”

It’s a quasi self-portrait. It’s obviously his face but it’s distorted and open closer inspection, is actually made out of different triangles and squares. The left side of his face is wearing a melancholy expression, a triangle tear gracing his cheek. The left side of his face is completely in greyscale but as you move to the right side of his face, it becomes more colorful, vibrant, his eye closed, his hair blowing away from the peaceful right side. The shapes become rounder, with his right jawline looking almost hyper realistic save for the neon green it’s painted in. The rest of the painting devolves into bright splotches and splashed of color, getting bolder and brighter until a violet stripe bleeds off of the edge of the canvas.

Forest is quiet and Benjy plays with the ring on his thumb, nervously coming around between his boyfriend and the canvas.

“I uh, it’s called ‘After You.’Obviously I wanted to name it after you, but I couldn’t so....”

“It’s nice, Benj.”

Benjy has to stop himself from physically deflating. He knows what that tone means.

“Don’t lie to me Forest. You hate it.”

He feels stupid. For painting this. For showing him. For being proud of it. For wanting to cry—all of it.

“I don’t!”

“You do! You just—I can hear it in your voice, okay? You’re using your condescending teacher tone. And just-“

Benjy sets his jaw and looks up at the ceiling, purposefully not looking at him.

“Tell me what you’d say about it if you weren’t fucking me.”

“Benjy-“ Forest moves to touch his shoulder and Benjy shrugs him off, turning so he’s not facing Forest or his stupid painting. The silence is killing him and after almost a solid minute of it, Benjy wheels around, letting out a noise of anger, hating the tears that are threatening to form in his eyes.

“Say it!”

Forest sighs, looking from Benjy to his painted face.

“It’s just...derivative, Benjy. Like this doesn’t tell me anything I dont already know. It’s not showing me something I haven’t already seen. It’s just....”

He sighs again, giving Benjy a sad smile that makes him feel worse.

“It doesn’t say anything, you know?”

Benjy doesn’t say anything either, biting down hard on his bottom lip and getting very close to tears. Forest looks over and takes his hand, gentle and condescending as he speaks.

“It’s okay, honey. You’re still learning. You’ve got so much time to improve. It’s okay. Come here.”

Forest hugs him, pressing a kiss to the side of his jaw, and forcing Benjy to look at his derivative painting that doesn’t say anything. He pulls away slightly and takes his face in his hands, smiling at him as his thumbs swipe under Benjy’s eyes.

“You’re brilliant, you know that? So much promise. That’s why I’m tough on you. I know you’re better than this.”

Benjy doesn’t have the energy to tell Forest about the late nights he’d spent painting this, about how he’d blasted songs that reminded Benjy of them. He doesn’t tell him about Yahoo People Search or how he’d spent two hours mixing the purple so it looked exactly like what it felt like when Forest kissed down his spine. He doesn’t say anything other than “okay” and smiles when Forest brings their lips together. Predictably, the kiss deepens and Forest’s hands move down his back and cup his ass.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah? You’re driving me crazy in those jeans, honey. I need to get you out of them.”

Benjy laughs softly as he lets himself get kissed again.

“The pottery studio down the hall should be open. Give me a second? I’ll uh, clean up.”

As soon as Forest leaves, Benjy turns around quickly, almost feverishly, and stares at the painting for a second longer. Steady, eerily calm, he walks up to it and puts his foot right in the center of it, ripping his face almost perfectly in half, the portrait reflecting how he feels on the inside.

~

“Whats on your neck?”

They’d met up at a hotel, Forest paying for it, of course. Benjy knew he still felt bad for what he’d said about his painting, but he’d saved him the embarrassment of presenting that at his year end review. He’d gotten pretty good feedback, encouragement to push himself further, and Forest kindly had told him after the fact that the faculty all collectively viewed him as the best in his year. That wouldn’t have happened if Benjy had left To You in there, Forest all but said it. He was helping him, showing him how things were done properly. That’s what Benjy had tried to tell himself, but he was still hurt. And bitter. And those emotions had mixed with alcohol to create a perfect mistake.

When he’d met Forest at the room, he hadn’t noticed. Benjy’d covered up the evidence as best he could, and Benjy had decided to start off with a distraction, sinking to his knees on the plush white carpet as soon as the door latched shut. Forest had chuckled.

“Need something, Benjy?”

“Please.” He adds extra whine to his voice, hoping he can be submissive enough to get out of this.

“Please what?” Forest’s eyes dance as he comes to stand over him. He liked watching Benjy beg. He’d learned that early on.

“Please, sir, let me taste your cock-I need you. I need you to fuck my throat, I need you to leave me raw, I need you-“ Benjy lets out a sound somewhere between a moan and a sob as Forest grabs the back of his head and starts fucking his face. Benjy loses himself in it for a minute, relaxing and letting himself be pliable, moaning and meaning it as he tastes Forest, forgetting himself until the hand in his hair tightens aggressively and pulls him off.

“What’s on your neck?” Forest repeats, his voice harsher, tugging Benjy up until he pulls away and sighs, looking away. He hears the sound of Forest pulling his pants up.

“Benjy.”

“What?”

He turns to him, exasperated and done. He stares at the man he tries to convince himself he knows, even though it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

Quickly, viciously, Forest grabs Benjy’s hair again and yanks him over to him, bending him so he can look at the three blooming hickeys that definitely aren’t from Forest.

“What the fuck?! You’re hurting me!”

“I asked you a question, fucking answer.”

Forest pushes his head away, the bottles of wine they’d shared making his speech slur. For the first time, Benjy realizes he’s a little afraid of him.

Still, that doesn’t mean he’s not going to fight back.

“They’re what the fucking look like, Forest. Jesus Christ.”

Benjy suspects nothing he would’ve said was gonna be right, but he’s pretty sure that was the absolute worst thing he could say.

Forest’s voice is impossibly soft, but it’s not tender.

“You let someone else fuck you?”

Benjy scoffs, staring him down despite the blood pounding in his ears.

“What, you’re the only one allowed to sleep with other people?”

WHAM!

The punch comes out of no where and sends Benjy stumbling sideways, a noise of shock leaving him as he collides with the hotel room wall.

“You don’t fucking talk to me like that!”

“That’s what your wife’s for, right?!” Benjy’s ready for the punch this time, blocking him from hitting his face a second time and taking the hit on his shoulder. When he glances back up, Forest is winding up another perfect shot at his face, backing Benjy fully into the corner he’s in. There’s nothing left to do-other than beg.

“Forest! Please!”

The fear in his voice surprises them both, and as if coming out of a daze, Forest blinks a bunch of times, letting out a small gasp of disbelief as he looks at Benjy’s face. Benjy is still breathing hard, his right eye stinging like crazy from where he’d gotten hit, and the metallic taste in his mouth tells him his lip is split.

“Benjy...oh my god, Benjy.”

Forest reaches for him and Benjy backs up against the wall as much as he can.

“Don’t!”

“You’re right. You’re right. Oh god, honey. What did we do??”

There’s no “we” in the smarting in his face.

“Honey. Honey I’m so, so, so sorry. I’m just crazy about you. I hate the thought of losing you, I just go....crazy. I love you, Benjy. I love you so much.”

Benjy just stares at him, holding his hand to his face, trying to wrap his brain around everything that’s just happened.

“You’ve never said that to me before.”

Forest falls on his knees and all but crawls over to him. Benjy lets him grab one of his hands, and he stares down at him as he kisses his fingers.

“I mean it. I love you. So much. I can’t lose you, Benjy. Forgive me. Please.”

Benjy gets it now. Why Forest likes him to beg. Even after just getting hit, Benjy feels like all the power is his again.

He sinks to the floor, taking Forest’s face in his hands, meaning what he says even though the truth in it truly makes Benjy hate himself.

“Of course I forgive you. I think I love you too.”

~

“I have a surprise for you.”

They’re at Forest’s house. Allison had taken off for the weekend to visit her mother, and taken the kids that Benjy wasn’t supposed to know about with her. He had to admit it was nice playing house, though Benjy wasn’t sure how genuine the feeling was. Forest had gotten pretty drunk and kicked the shit out of him a few days before, and even though he swore it was the last time, Benjy had stopped believing that four last times ago. He knew now that he didn’t love Forest, but he was afraid. Afraid of what he would do if Benjy tried to leave, afraid of his future at Berkley if they ended, afraid of Forest’s connections, and how easily he supposedly could ruin his career.

Still, even with fear being the driving factor on his side, there were still good days. Great days, even. Like yesterday, when they’d spent the night naked under the stars in Forest’s heated pool. He was always so sweet on Benjy in the aftermath, always so sorry. Almost convincing.

Fall semester of his sophomore year was over, Christmas was next week, and when Forest slides a tiny little gift wrapped box across the breakfast table, Benjy can’t help but smile at the snowflake paper.

“Baby...you shouldn’t have.”

Forest just smiles at him and comes around from behind, putting his head on Benjy’s shoulder and kissing his cheek.

“Open it.”

Benjy does, expecting to see some sort of watch or jewelry, and feeling absolutely sick when he sees what’s in the box.

It’s a key.

No. He thinks. No, no, no.

“It’s for an apartment. This side of campus. It’s all paid for. And it’s yours, Benj.”

Forest kisses his cheek several times in rapid succession before laughing and pulling away to look at Benjy again.

“Once we get dressed I thought I’d take you over there, and we can get furniture from Ikea sometime tomorrow....do you like it?”

Forest’s voice edges into scary territory as he asks if Benjy likes it. Though his heart is in his stomach and Benjy wants to throw up, he stands, backing away from the table slowly. His heartbeat in his ears, Benjy looks at Forest. And for the first time in months, seeing anger in his boyfriend doesn’t strike fear into him-it pisses him off.

Forest could fuck him and leave him on the counter, he could mock his art, he could lie to him, he could even smack him around. But this? Buying Benjy an apartment he doesn’t need, moving him closer to him, fucking IKEA? It’s too much. It’s too far.

In that moment, Benjy knows, no matter what happens today, that they’re done.

“So what exactly is the plan with this?”

Adrenaline surges through him now and he feels himself stand a little straighter, ready for a fight. Not that Forest would hit him now, when they’re both sober and Benjy has a chance to fight back.

Forest laughs condescendingly. “You move in? And you’ll even have space to paint if that’s something you still want to do. You won’t have to be in that sketchy basement any more. I can come over whenever I want and we don’t have to worry about room mates or...”

“Wives?”

Forest glares at him. “You’re being really ungrateful, Benjy.”

“No, no, I’m just trying to get a full understanding of what’s going on. So, I get this apartment, and you get to fuck me at your leisure? For as long as you want, right? I’ve got a few good years left on me before I don’t look 18 any longer. Or maybe...” Benjy laughs without humor. “Maybe you do actually love me, and you’ll just fucking keep me there in that apartment, and lie to Alison about renting it out to people out of the goodness of your heart, and she’ll believe you, cause I’m guessing she’s a lot like me, and we have to believe you, Forest, otherwise we’re just fucking morons who’ve fallen for your bullshit. And then when your daughter turns 18, maybe you and Alison will finally have the fight where you tell her about me. And it won’t be because you feel bad for cheating on her for years and years, or for fucking a student, or even for fucking hitting me. No, you’ll only tell her about me if you know it could hurt her. Cause that’s what you fucking do you just...weaponize people. And turn us into-“ he cuts himself off cause his voice breaks. Benjy just shakes his head, tearing his gaze away from Forest and out the window. The

“How do you know about my daughter?”

It’s the scary cold. Benjy laughs again without humor and throws his hands out to his side as he looks back at him. “I’m not a fucking moron, Forest. You’ve got two of them, right? And you never told me, because you’re a coward. You’re a coward who can’t stop lying to himself for two god damn minutes, so you pile your lies on everyone else and then when it becomes too much? You lash out.”

The look on his face is only ugliness.

“You’re never fucking hitting me again. And I never loved you. I realize that now.”

Clad only in a loose pair of sleep shorts and a kimono, Benjy starts for the door, grabbing his wallet and keys off of the counter on his way out.

“You’re talentless.”

There’s no emotion in Forest’s voice as he speaks, his mouth twisted into a mean smirk as he follows Benjy out towards the front door.

“You’ll never amount to fucking anything, Benjy. Everything you’ve done and everything you do has already been done. You’re not original. You’re not going to ever be anything without me behind you. I’m the one who picked you for your scholarship, do you know that? I’m the one who told the faculty to renew you, give you another shot this year. What’s going to happen to you now, Benjy? Without me going to bat for you?”

It’s a threat, obviously, but it’s got enough clout behind it that Benjy’s hand pauses on the door handle. He looks at Forest, who sneers back.

“You’re nothing, Benjy. You’re a nobody, with nothing to say.”

He thinks back, to his painting, to the person he thought Forest had been. To the hope he hadn’t felt in months. To how Forest had taken something from him, and how, by kicking the painting, Benjy had let him-and that same anger boils to fullness, but this time, it’s directed at the right person.

“I’ve got nothing to say?!” He flings the door open and marches out onto the front porch.

“Let’s see if the dean of motherfucking students thinks I’ve got nothing to say! I’m going to ruin you, Forest. I’m every thing you’re never going to be, and I’m going to fucking destroy you.”

Fear crosses Forest’s face and Benjy grins, manic.

“Wait—Benjy, come on. Let’s talk about this, baby. Please? Or at least wait inside while I call you a cab?”

Benjy shakes his head once. He says something he should’ve said months ago, after that night at the club when he’d run into the pathetic excuse for a man groveling in front of him.

“I’ll call it my fucking self.”

[youcancallmeelle]

Friends With Benefits: Bill Skarsgard... Chapter 6

The next few days passed in a blur and things with Bill were different, a nice different.

He was so invested in me and even kept his word, he didn't push me to talk about what happened on the hill top, he was waiting for me to be ready and bring it up myself.

This morning I'd awoken to him pushing the hair from my face and placing a lingering kiss on my temple.

My eyes fluttered open and I was met with the sight of Bill leaning over the bed, I smiled sleepily at him and I lifted myself up to lean against the headboard, holding the sheets to my chest.

I was so tired from the last few days on set that I'd slept through the night and not even felt Bill get up or heard him get ready.

"Where are you going?" I asked, looking him up and down.

"I have a meeting."

He was clad in a fitted black shirt that was tucked into slim, dark grey trousers that were fastened with a black belt and his hair was gelled into place.

I bit my lip and looked up at him through my eyelashes.

"Don't." He warned, narrowing his eyes.

I tilted my head at him and smiled innocently, before pulling him down onto the bed with me and pushing him onto his back.

I dropped all the sheets around me and climbed on top of him, straddling him and pinning his arms by his head.

He groaned but watched as my breasts bounced and he shifted under me, it was pretty obvious that his trousers had just become tighter.

"I've literally just told you I have a meeting." He laughed, making no effort to remove himself from under me, even though he was considerably stronger than me.

"And? We've got time." I began unfastening the buttons on his shirt, revealing his milky skin to my eager eyes.

"My ego hurts at those words, I must admit and as badly as I want you right now, I really have to go." He sighed, flipping us over and kneeling between my legs as he fastened his shirt back up.

I lay with my arms behind my head, staring at the white ceiling of Bill's room.

"When will you be back?" I wondered, looking downwards towards him.

"A couple of hours maybe, I'm not sure." He shrugged, focusing hard on my naked body and running his hands down my thighs.

"I'm gonna head back to my place, I need to get showered and I bet my post is mounting up. My neighbours probably think I'm dodgy or something, I'm literally never there these days." I laughed, leaning up onto my elbows as Bill removed himself from the bed and adjusted his hair, pushing it back into place and shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Wanna do something after my meeting?" He wondered and I nodded.

"Target trip?" I asked excitedly and he rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He groaned, and I clapped my hands.

"You're such a pushover." I giggled, now sitting up on Bill's kingsize bed.

"I'll show you pushover later, but right now I really need to get going." Bill hurriedly kissed my lips and left the bedroom, I could head him jog downstairs.

I waited until I heard the sound of his car pull out of the driveway, the gravel crunching underneath the wheels and that's when I finally decided to get my backside out of bed to brush my teeth in the en suite bathroom.

I shoved my hair up into a disheveled bun and washed my face, removing any reminents of toothpaste from around my mouth.

I quickly sprayed some deodorant just to last me until I got home and could have a good scrub in my bath or in the shower, depending on my mood.

When I was back in Bill's room I mooched around for the first set of underwear I could find, which just happened to be plain black.

I stole another t-shirt from Bill which was white with a random print on the front and rolled the sleeves up so they didn't hang awkwardly at the crease of my elbow, I hated that.

Luckily, I had a few pairs of Joni jeans hanging around here so I merely shoved a light blue pair on and was good to go.

I was pretty impressed with how briskly I'd managed to get myself ready, although I definitely had the advantage seeing as I hadn't applied any make up.

I tidied up Bill's bedroom and made his bed, pulling up the blinds to allow the morning sunlight to flood the room and wake me up further.

I made my way downstairs and to the door, where I just pulled my vans on, grabbed my bag and had a quick scan inside to make sure I had everything including my wallet, keys, iphone and my glasses.

I was pretty content that I'd got everything and that I'd tidied Bill's place up accordingly so left the house after setting the alarm and locking the door behind me.

I'd driven over here yesterday so my white Audi was parked up and waiting for my entry.

I unlocked my car and hopped right in, dumping my bag on the passenger seat.

I belted up and pressed the button to start my car, seeing as it was a keyless start. I got into gear and began the long descent back onto the road, eager to get home.

I'd been back and forth to Bill's place over the last month and it was starting to feel pointless paying rent for such a gorgeous apartment when all I did was stay at his.

I pulled up to my apartment complex, parking in one of my designated spots and locked my car up once I'd grabbed my bag.

I punched in the code and opened the door to the building, entering the foyer where I collected my post.

I mindlessly flipped through the envelopes,  scrunching my nose up at the sheer amount of junk mail I'd received.

I climbed up the stairs to my floor, where only my apartment was and shoved the key into the lock, happy to be home.

I kicked my shoes off, dumped the post and my bag on the kitchen counter which happened to be around the corner from my front door and also threw my keys down next to the items.

My apartment was in pristine condition, mostly because I liked to keep it tidy because I was a slight neat freak. It worked out pretty well for me though, because Bill was the same.

I flopped onto my couch, grabbing my MacBook from the glass coffee table and placing it onto of my folded legs, logging onto my account and almost immediately pulling my emails up since I’d neglected them pretty bad.

I flicked through the junk emails, sending them straight to trash folder. Most of them were pretty standard, a few asking of my availability for the rest of the year but one in particular caught my eye.

The name was unfamiliar and the subject merely said ‘an interview with the hottest couple of 2016’ and my heart sank just at reading those words, but it was nothing compared to the actual email itself;

An invitation to Miss Mya Williams,

We hope you are able to join us at our Beverly Hill studio to participate in an interview that delves deep into the reality of dating one of the biggest upcoming actors of the year, we would be delighted if both yourself and Bill Skarsgard could attend and reveal all to us and your fans.

I hope to hear from you in the upcoming days,

Lizzie Sharp Entertainment Central

My mouth was agape and my heart was beating so aggressively against my chest, why would this reporter lady want to interview Bill and I over being a couple when there was literally no proof or anything out there to suggest that we were more than friends.

We were so careful about doing anything on the set of the last television show we worked together on, that ceased filming a few days ago. I don’t know if Lizzie was working with information that had sprung from rumours, since Bill had gotten big, the public were interested in his personal life, specifically his love life and people were quick to pin me to him.

I hastily sent the email to the junk folder, where it was going to lay dormant with he rest until I went on a deleting spree.

If I didn’t reply to the email, surely it would all go away, right?

I tried to forget about the strange email, hoping to never receive anything like it again.

I pulled up twitter, signing in and having a mindless scroll through my timeline, favouriting the odd tweet and retweeting a few cool pieces that had some relevance to my life.

I also decided to tackle my mentions, which filled up a lot these days after my work was revealing to the world of critique. I mostly got compliments galore and the odd comment that came from a pre pubescent girl who liked to slate my every move, every breath I took.

After moving to LA I grew a back bone and learnt to take shitty comments on the chin, and because of this grew my delightful personality that consisted of sarcasm and standing up for myself.

I yawned as I weaved through the mentions, not particularly interested.

Well, that was until I came across multiple pictures of myself and Bill spamming my mentions. I rolled my eyes, people loved to be nosey.

Although what I did notice was that it was the same three images across multiple tweets, so I decided to enlarge them and what met my eyes were pictures of myself and Bill looking awfully close.

Sickness overwhelmed me, as did sheer panic.

The first image was of us on set, with me on his back and a huge smile on his face as I whispered something into his ear.

The second was of us walking to the restaurant in Beverly Hills in the other day with his arm thrown over my shoulders.

The final image was of us in the restaurant, taken through the window and we were holding hands.

It didn’t look good for us, and I figured it was better to say nothing than to try and magic up a lie that probably made us look shadier.

I let out a growl and slammed the my laptop shut, throwing it to the side of me and covering my face with my hands.

I knew this would happen, but I thought it’d be easier to deny and it was only a matter of time before the tabloids had the pictures printed in every magazine in America.

The last thing we needed getting out was that we both liked each other and the sheer amount of time we spent together, or to have any more picture taken of us without our knowledge.

To say I was worried was an understatement, being so out there now meant that the press would start digging and the last thing I wanted plastered over the internet was my sad excuse of a life.

I didn’t need anyone to know that I’d dropped out of school and that I hadn’t even wanted to attend college. I didn’t want anyone to know that my parents absolutely hated me for doing these things, I was nothing but an embarrassment to them.

I definitely didn’t need Bill to have to endure the comments that would be thrown at him about my age or my background and it was a blessing that he didn’t have any social media or it was certain that this would have blown up even bigger.

I have no idea how long I was sat on my couch wallowing in self pity but the sound of my phone ringing, along with he vibrations snapped me out of my trance.

I yanked it out of my back pocket taking a quick glance at the caller ID, almost shouting out in frustration at the sight of Bill’s name.

I couldn’t bring myself to answer it, so speedily pressed the reject button on the screen.

There was pure silence for a minute before it rang again, flashing up once more with his name. I knew that he’d keep calling if i didn’t pick up, he was the most persistent man I’ve ever met.

“What’s up?” I breathed, running a hand down my face.

“Oh, hey. I’ve just finished with my meeting, are you ready?” He asked, most obviously speaking to me over the speaker in his car.

“Erm, no. I don’t feeling like going out anyway, feel free to head back home.” I excused, the thought of being pictured out together again making my head spin with anxiety.

“Why not? You love going to Target, you were so up for it this morning… is something wrong?” I could almost imagine him frowning in confusion, because it was true, I fucking loved Target.

“I just don’t feel brilliant, Bill. Look, I’ll talk to you later, bye.” I spoke in a rush, hanging up the phone and dropping back into the cushions of my couch.

Tears spilled over and I sobbed quietly, more overwhelmed than anything.

I didn’t move to LA to become the focus of every gossip magazine, I came to escape my old life. This wasn’t what I wanted, I just wanted to work and be happy.

I merely wanted to be left alone, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Bill was the only person who knew almost everything about me, he was the one person I knew who would catch me if I fell.

A knock at my door pulled me away from the darkness that was just my thoughts and I wiped the tears from under my eyes, sniffling and breathing deeply before hopping up from the couch and plastering on a smile ready for whoever was on the other side of the door.

I twisted the inside lock and pulled it open, cursing at myself for not checking through the spy hole before opening the door.

“What are you doing here? I told you I didn’t feel like going out.” I muttered, leaving Bill at the door and walking into my kitchen.

I heard him close the door behind him and he followed me, and I could feel him watching my every move as I leant on my sink and looked out of the window in front of me.

“You sounded upset on the phone and I’m not an idiot.” He remarked, his presence strong behind me.

I made a face and gritted my teeth.

“You’re an idiot if you forgot how to use your key and let yourself in.” I whispered to myself, watching as the sun moved behind the clouds.

“What’s up with you? You were fine this morning, right until I left. Now I’ve finished my meeting and you have no interest in being around me, and I can’t figure out why.”

I span around harshly, taking him off guard.

“I told you to be careful with what you did in public, the hand holding, the cuddling! Now the press have got photos of us and they’re all over the fucking internet and I have people emailing me asking for interviews, I knew this would happen, I told you that people would start speculating!” I yelled at him, his eyes widening at my sudden tone of voice.

“What pictures? You need to get a grip, Mya! We take one step forward and two back and I specifically remember telling you to not worry and just let people speculate. We’re the only people who need to be involved in our business, it's our own business.” He spoke back, making me roll my eyes.

“It’s not even speculation that’s the problem, Bill. It’s the fact that people have confirmation that there’s something going on between us, and I don’t know what to do about it.” I spoke, my voice cracking and more tears threatening to fall.

Bill let out a prolonged breath and advanced towards me with his arms outstretched, they wrapped around me like a shield.

“There’s nothing you can do, or that you need to do. But I think it's time to face the facts or maybe our feelings in this case." Bill murmured into my hair.

I nodded against him, my face buried into his neck.

Now was the time.

"I'm pretty damn sure that I'm in love with you." I admitted against the skin of his neck.

"Well that's good then, because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you to." He replied, pushing me back gently and holding my face between his hands.

I looked up at him and once our eyes met I felt every ounce of hurt, upset and anger leave my body.

He rested his forehead against mine and pressed a kiss to my lips, it was gentle, like a feather touching you for a second.

I kissed him back and let my arms go up around his neck, so grateful to be in his arms.

He pulled back for a second and I almost let out a whimper at the loss of contact.  

"Be my girlfriend, wife, whatever. I just know that I need you, all of you." Bill revealed and I nodded.

"Can we not say anything to the press? or to anyone, just not yet." I asked, touching his full bottom lip with mine.

"Whatever you want." He whispered, grasping my face harder and crushing his lips on mine.

This was it.

This was official.

Friends with benefits didn't really work out the way I planned but I think it was for the best and now all feelings, secrets and confessions are out there.

I just hope nothing ruins it.

                                     xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

- Hey everyone, I’m so thankful for your patience with me and I’m so glad to finally have this chapter up. I hope you enjoy this filler and there will be more tomorrow :) Also thank you for your wishes of wellness, they’re very much appreciated 😘

[atomicsurvivor-isleofskye]

Ep. 1 - “Karma is a Nasty Old Woman”  - JG

This season began the night of December 8th with a cast reveal, but the game was already afoot before that. Players had the opportunity to earn an extra trip to hunt for the idol by reading the rules. Heather, August, Aundra, JG, Rebecka, Tara, and Vi all took advantage of this opportunity!

The pre-merge buffs were also revealed, with the tribes called Iolaire and Saorsa.

And then the game began.

The first immunity challenge was posted, which you can check out here:

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/168340626526/tribal-immunity-1-isle-relay

Introductions have been made, and everyone seems nice so far!

Consider me the f*%# overwhelmed. I’m trying to make personal connections but clearly that isn’t going too well. The challenge seems scary. I’m dying. Someone help!

I am SCARED. I have to establish all new relationships and I’m pretty shook about it.

Everyone seems so nice. I can deal with the challenges but I'm a bit scared. I don't want to mess up so early in the game.

Man, I forgot how the start of orgs are so busy. Everyone seems pretty nice so far but I swear I won't learn their names until at least merge. If we have merge that is. After that I'll have to relearn. Hopefully we all make it to merge so I don't have to relearn anything. This challenge is pretty bad though. Slow internet will make this a pain

Ok so I love my Tribe so far! The first immunity challenge came so fast but I'm glad that our team came together to figure out who's doing what. Also JG is coming in clutch with that advantage.

So I’m not sure how to feel about being on a tribe with Rebecka, she might be bitter, or she might be happy to have someone she knows. As for me if I can’t find anyone else ill try that connection, for now I just need to keep communicating.

This game is so different from azores (shout to everyone from that game) the vibes are completely different. probably because im completely different but yah im really enjoying this tribe rn we have team work down and dont seem like a bad group of people. only thing is i signed up to do the logic puzzle thing and im not that smart 

omg this seems like a nice little tribe, its interesting be surrounded by new players to this like myself :') im not outta place, also it seems like being the oldest i hope everyone will be able to rely on me and my knowledge :D on the flip side with everyone being new it's sure to lead to some confusion in challenges hopefully i'll be able to give them some guidance and lead us to some wins :) also i fully expect to have bad luck doing the moors crap but yolo and may as well try right? 

So the LoIaire tribe decided to do a call but it turned into me, Stephen and JD talking about videogames fjksskskd. I hope people don't think we're an alliance already! Fingers crossed.

my tribe is full of nerds

but i'm a fan of it

So the em peeps - me, Tara and august - made an alliance right off the back. I'm already lying to them like I did my previous org. Who said I was gonna do random voting this time again? O well, time to play a wolf in sheep's clothing and hope not to get picked to shear. That would be terrible. It's really cold and this wool is really warm. We're basically ignoring the other chat since they're in a group call and geeking out about stuff. I don't know. I zoned out bc I didn't understand what they were saying. Hopefully I'll be able to start my plan of seducing them with pictures of my pets soon.

I'm not sure if it will be an advantage or disadvantage but while searching the Moors, I found a twist that will be revealed at merge! Now I just have to do is survive until then... tune in nextime kids

Cool tribe.  Trying to prove my crappy helpfulness in this collecting challenge since i'm godawful at puzzles. Also, tara went ahead an made a stupid fast f3 with me and infinity, and i told them my searches which sealed the deal. Also like JG and Ain, seem like pretty cool dudes, hoping to work with em'. This moor twist is really neat, but i also feel like everything already found already, but whatever. 

Tara is pretty cool. She's nice and I think we can work together

An alliance of Heather, Lukas, Madison, and Olivia called “Future Final 4″ was created on Saorsa.

We love early alliances YES WE DO.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cch6Q-ItmQE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8Vto9iHwVY&t=2s hope this works haha

kay so the tea is that I’m aligning with Madison and Olivia. Olivia is super sweet and super trustworthy, so I am aiming to keep her close for awhile. Madison vibes with me but she seems very intelligent and very much so willing to stab me in the back. I’ll keep an eye on her. I am hoping these two allies will be able to at least get me through the first few votes. Who knows? {note: I’ll be submitting video confessionals soon after more happens}

haven't talked to rebecka at all yet but love her video calling me late at night to show n complain about her broken tooth! an icon! can't wait to see more of her this season. hope her medical bills aren't too expensive

So Luke and I have been skyping for 3 1/2 hours and I am so glad we have chosen each other! We have plans of who we each are going to talk to and who we want in our alliance. He is going to try and get close to Madison and AnnMarie and I am going to try and get close to Skip, and Dr. Mike Jake. Sarah at this point is a big question mark and Heather is in between and we'll keep her close enough but we both think that she will either be a good meat shield or a threat that we should take out pre merge. The other Jake we are both going to try to get close to as well. Hopefully we can have the majority no matter how it goes. Maddy told us that she is close with Rebecca on the other tribe which was probably a big mistake so we have to keep an eye out for that. She also told Luke about a secret map that she found at the moors! She lied when I asked if she found anything about it. Luke said there was a phrase that you could send to the hosts about this secret map so we both sent it in. Sarah, Heather, Luke, and I formed an alliance that they think will go all the way but I think Luke and I may have other plans. I trust Luke implicitly and I know he trusts me! Hopefully our plan works out.

3 and a half hours later, Olivia and I are going strong on Skype planning and scheming for the whole game. I exposed Madison after learning she is also close with Jake (* ^w^*). We are definitely targeting Heather at some point, for she is the least trustworthy of them all. I’m planning on trying to win over AnnaMarie and Madison’s votes and Olivia is going to win over Jake (* ^w^*) and Trip. Hopefully by controlling two people each, we will have the majority in any potential vote. Needless to say- I will trust and advocate for Olivia until the end. I believe in our ability to take out the rest of our tribe and come merge time lay low. She’s writing a confessional right now as well, I hope it’s not about how she’s going to eliminate me lmao.

Also- Heather said in her intro video that she isn't afraid to backstab people and she kept going on about how much she loves acting! She also wouldn't really say anything when we talking about future plans so HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST HER! I know I've already made two so this is the last one lol.

Things seem to be going well, I have talked to everyone, excluding Rebecka, and get along well, so far there are few people talking strategy, but that suits me fine for now.

I am so happy that the game finally started. The Saorsa tribe gives off really great vibes to me and I hope that is a good thing. I feel like I've made connections with almost everyone, but it is really nerve wracking because you never know who felt a connection with you. I feel I got pretty close to Madison, Lukas, Olivia and a few others. I just hope we can win Immunity so I dont have to send anybody home

I am very nervous for the competition. None of us really know Sarah and if she doesn't  show up, it's going to suck for the tribe. I don't want to be known as the weakest link for the tribe because my partner for the challenge didn't work. 

So I reveled I have a 10% advantage, hopefully that doesn't kill me off but oh well. So far so good. Tara and I have been bonding over BTS and I think I'm gonna try getting us to f2 since I like her the best out of everyone so far. Maybe she'll back stab me but that's okay too as long as she gets into f3 ^-^. I hope not though, that would be completely and utterly sad. (I do think she knows what I'm playing at since she watched my first org and I'm basically redoing that. She's trying to help me right now at least)

So I went to the moors for the first time and I’m really excited to be playing. This game going to be good and I know it going to have plenty of twist in it. Also I’m really liking Tara form like day one we vibes and we started talking and she’s pretty cool. Another also I feel like one of those older wise people because a lot of the peopel on my tribe are newbies and that makes me feel somewhat more safe in this game. 

So I misread my hidden advantage/disadvantage. What it actually says is that it will be revealed at a tribe swap and not merge. Also, Ive been mapping out all the locations and places explored in The Moors and concluded that Ain has the idol that was in the pit she fell in. For now I'm going to try and befriend her more so that we can be allies or have her reveal and flush an idol. My crossword chellenge is upcoming and I've been studying Survivor terminology so I don't flop!

I really like Jake and Maddie. I really want to start having a good strong alliance with them later on in the game. I love everyone's dogs as well.

Trip is sure he blew the logic puzzle. I feel bad for the kid and I definitely don't want to target him or anything over it and I want to make sure other people don't do that as well. I've been reading up battleship strategies online and about how to read people and poker tells and whatnot and that either makes me the biggest dumbass in the world to think that any of the advice might help or it makes me more prepared than my opponent. Can't tell at this point. He says he can't do the challenge today so we have to wait all the way until tomorrow. That'll either give me more time to be prepared or it'll give me just enough time to overthink and freak myself out. Either is likely at this point. I tried talking to AnnMarie some like Luke and I planned and she seemed pretty receptive until I suggested videochatting and she didn't respond but I'm not sure if she is doing her puzzle right now or if I just scared her off.

oh also Trip and I talked this morning which was great. Hopefully people don't talk to one another and say "oh hey has Olivia been talking to you" because if they do then they may think I'm playing too hard which at this point I'm probably over-doing it but I am just so excited

So Tim has told me that he has an advantage from the moors that will be reveal at the tribe swap. I believe him because even if hes lying it means he wants me to trust him so we work together. Looking ahead I think Tim, Tara, and I would make a good team, of course we’d need more numbers but it all depends on the connections we make, people’s performance in the challenge, and how people act if we go to tribal.

Found a special path in the moors, but even though I’m not getting anything from it, I’m getting a bunch of friends by telling other people. I told the alliance of me/infinity/ and Tara about it and I’m pretty sure that was the mortar that’s holding the house together. Also gave the info to Tim, hoping to work close with him, seems to be a pretty straightforward guy. He asked who else I gave the info to which I replied a solid “sorry can’t say” but I think it’ll go fine as long as that stuff doesn’t come up any longer.

Madison found a special path in the Moors, where she could receive a vote revealing advantage if she created an alliance with the two players she trusted the least, who she ranked as Jake S. and Sarah.

To do this, she opted to tell the tribe that she had to make an alliance with “random” players for a potential trial advantage. She succeeded, and was given a necklace which would reveal all votes cast at a tribal council, to be played until the final 7.

Hopefully honesty is the best policy. 

Ok so its Day 2 and i completed my immunity challenge pretty fast in my opinion... but this is whats happening... August told me about the third path in Moors but he said that i wasn't the only one that knew about it. Later Tara got caught searching in The Neist and August said that he told Tara about it but Tara said that's not true... Im on to you August.. lets just wait for the immunity results...👀

So Tim has told me even more information about the Moors, and a secret location called the Neist that August found. This makes me trust him more and feel more comfortable working with him, but it also means I have to work on my connection with August if the three of us are going to work together TimHoly shit things are going downnn. So August and Tara are actually allies and Im the third. And originally, we were the only 3 that knew about the Neist. But I rushed and thought I was getting played so I told Stephen... EVERYTHING about the Neist including the locations already searched... I messed up big time! ( Or maybe not? 👀)

omg so i hate august!!! first thing he messages me in the game is that we shouldn't tell ppl that we know eachother and we should try to seem distant because we know eachother from epicmafia n then he goes blabbing his mouth n telling ppl that he told me all this info! like where and when is that a smart thing to do august?? before i even knew he did that tim confronts me n is like hey do u know august, did august tell u this, and me trying to b a good friend to august is like yaa no sorry! but like ugh! august needs better communication bcos if the first thing he messages me is "HAHAHA SHHH SHHH WE DON'T KNOW EACHOTHER" i'm gonna expect that hes gonna try keep distant! then he goes blabbing some more n tells tim about drama that happened in our last org like hmm interesting... um but ya august is gonna b first boot! bye girl! 

So today in the Moor I came across a skeleton that “had a ring of bones unmarked from where a necklace once was”. This to me is a mess. Who on earth has already gone down this exact path and #snatched the necklace from me? Anyway, I messaged my main sis Olivia and devised a plan, then ran it by Madison as well. In the tribe chat, I openly said I have a “gem that could boost the power of a necklace that once rested there” which is complete BS. I am hoping someone takes the bait and messages me about having a necklace of such, and then I can expose them. 

Also- Madison entrusted me with the knowledge that she has a power that can reveal everyone’s votes at a certain tribal. I may just keep this to myself, because up until now all info I’ve received in the game I’ve shared. 

THE MOORS ARE CRAZY AND I KIKE THE RIDDLES AND THE HINTS AND IVE ONLY BEEN ONCE BUT I CANT WAIT TO GO TOMORROW. THE PUZZLE IS VERY HARD AND I STRUGGOED AT FIRST AND I HOPE the tribe isn't going to tribal council.

Tara came to me freaking out. I had told both her and Tim about the special path and Tim was like “ I bet they’re aligned” so Tara made up a lie saying I didn’t tell her. I tried to solve the problem by just being outright honest, but I’m still annoyed. Tim is far too paranoid to work with. 

ok so it seems as though as suspected some areas of our challenges were a bit rushed in decision and now i think it could be a big fat L but sometimes you win sometimes u lose, that said i hope the effort i put into my part shows im here to win, outside of that i've made more social connections with olivia and some others :) that open alliance announcement was a shock to me kinda made me laugh, looks like the 3 may be working together to get the moors solved so i'll have to keep on it

I'm a comp flop and i hope that doesnt make me a target. I havent talked to a few people and I'm going to get on that. 

Ok so everyone sucked today at the challenges (I still love them) and it is kinda looking like I am our last hope. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Also it turns out the whole tribe is gonna watch?! what???!!! Feeling better every second out the firm alliance between Luke and I though. At the Moors I took a harness and hid it in a place where another harness already was so I am gonna try and be first when it comes to going to the Moors tomorrow. Luke found a skeleton without a necklace there meaning someone has the necklace. He told the tribe and AnnMarie just told him privately she had to tell him something about the moors AND NEVER RESPONDED. The second (not Canadian) Jake seemed like he might pull through and be an active participant but its not looking too likely. Sarah is still inactive so unless the other tribe sucked more than us she will probably go home Monday. Also I am supposed to talk to the Canadian Jake but idk how to talk to that guy! and trip too! Like I never know what to say but I am going to keep trying because Luke is making good progress with Maddi and with AnnMarie. We both gotta be careful and include Heather because if not that could be dangerous. 

JUST GOT SOME MAJOR TEA FROM CANADIAN JAKE WOOOHOOO!!! I was asking him about Canada and he told me that if I take the harness back to camp it leads to more paths. I told him this made me trust him a lot. Not exactly true but not false either. He could be playing me but hopefully this is securing a bond.

Hi I’m Aundra and I’m stupid af. I picked to do the logic challenge knowing I’m stupid af. then announced to the tribe that I’m thinking about quiting being stipid af. now I’m stuck looking stupid af

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KvsH2lWN3Y

4 hours and 20 min later I finally finish my part of the challenge I’d like to thank Ali for helping me through when I was about to quit and Kermit I’d also like to say if we lose it won’t be my fault fully because people have gotten 10% disadvantages on the team so our odds are low but the grave I’ve dug for my self is bigger than the possible 20% I think we have agonist us 

LukasJust a lil update for the girls. Madison told me about her magnifying glass, but apparently she hasn’t told anyone else. I’m going to keep this to myself from Olivia otherwise I will have nothing to keep secret for myself, and that just seems wrong. I staged a text conversation with my boyfriend and sent it to Heather about her dog and how it’s totally the next big meme. Heather ate it up as expected, and now I feel like I have an in with her. Aside from my core 4 alliance, I really don’t know where anyone else’s head is at and they all are lackluster communicators. 

Ok so Maddi, Heather, and myself had about an hour long chat (mostly) about the game tonight. We agreed that the four of us (us 3 + Luke) should definitely stick together and although it’s definitely possible, it’s probably unlikely that the other four players have their own alliance. My fears about heather were mostly assuaged because when Maddi left she voiced her concerns about Maddi and her connections to the other side and she revealed to me that she trusts me the most (which is obviously great). Now I have two people that trust me the most out of anyone. (Only one I feel the same about) As long as I’m in this game I won’t forget heather’s intro video and her statement about how she is more than willing to backstab. The relationship between trip and I seems to be going well (albeit a little slow) while my relationship with AnnMarie is kind of nonexistent but it’s only been two days. I don’t trust Jake S. At all. He said he hadn’t been to the moors yet?? Fishy to me. The battleship showdown is tomorrow. Survivor gods be kind, let it go well. 

The idol is already out there on day THREE. Im assuming either Vi or August has it but I'm leaning towards August.. If we lose immunity then I may have to spark up the game and vote out the idol holder either that or have thr idol work in my favor. I'm on to you August and Vi and your friend Ain too! You may have had us do your dirty work of finding the idol but I'll get the last laugh. Know That. StephenSo Tim thinks someone has found the idol based on what he found in the moors and I’m inclined to agree, but it worries me how fast things are moving, im hoping we win immunity so theres time for things to settle down and for people to relax. At the same time chaos is a good way to find out who you can trust.

https://youtu.be/RSSBtWKMfiU

I'd be very very surprised if we win immunity, especially since our tribe has members with a 5% and 10% disadvantage, and some members of our tribe who have yet to complete their challenge or never will? InfiniVi has a 10% advantage so maybe that will help balance it all out. Regardless, I think I'm in a safe spot on my tribe and I am confident in my challenge time and Im hope Stephen and JG does well so cheers to that?? 

I didn't notice a small wording difference which  changes my time in logic puzzle from very low to over 3 hours and 40 minutes. I am worried if we lose this challenge I could be sent home, but hopefully if so Sarah is thrown under the bus. I mean they haven't even been here! Everybody else is so nice and cool, I love my tribe!

Well I had a very nice conversation with Vi and Tara (seperately) and August your game is donezo. We know about your idol/advantage and you lost your potential allies' trust in the process. If only you'd kept Neist point a secret. Fear not, we can still use you as a number and you can be one of the many strings I pull as I become Sole Survivor. Ciao!

Hour and a half before battleship. The tribe seems excited to cheer me on. They all seem to think it rests solely on me. But if they all lost then we’re already fated to go to tribal, no? Irregardless, it would be a good moral victory. I’m trying to decide how to come across when I go head to head with the other tribe. Strategic? If so he may figure out that my ship placement strategy wasn’t just random. Wholesome and nonthreatening? It may help out now but they may think I’m not quite smart should I make it to the merge. Maybe that’s a good thing idk. I’m only certain of one thing however and that is that I’m definitely overthinking this. I watched my opponent’s intro video. He is into Star Wars and humanitarianism. Maybe I can pander to that so he doesn’t feel threatened. Battleship is mostly a game of luck but anything I can do that might be an advantage is worth it.

So so so, so much has happened I don't know where to start. The alliance between Tara, August and I basically is down to Tara and I and August as the third wheeler. He has betrayed our trust and so we're going to pretend to be nice to him. Also there is a 85% chance of him having the idol. Tim accused me of having it but jokes on him, I would have screamed it in the main chat since it's rare for me to get lucky with anything. Anyways I think I'm gonna go place some tension between a couple people and see how that blows up in my face. I know it will bc that's my luck also

I got more updates on the drama. Tim is a bas-cough- sneaky little no legged lizard. Can't believe he told Tara to go to the cauldron even tho Ain told him that it held a disadvantage right before that. Hehehe the boys - August, Tim and Stephen - are gonna regret it the moment the girls line up too.

Olivia is a QUEEN AND WON A SECTION FOR US IN THE RELAY. SLAY ME

Im not sur if im allowed to curse but where in the world are these ships!!! Hello????

My fav player won their challenge I am so proud of her. She will win first for sure calling it now.

JG seems like a fun guy, but we havent talked much. In his challenge he kept changing his pattern, which I’m not sure was a good idea, but that might just be hindsight.

https://youtu.be/nk5jBYqnYwI

We are going to lose because I suck at puzzles 

HOLY SHITBALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just won the battleship challenge and I feel OH so relieved. So much has happened today I hope I don't forget to write it here. Ok so I was included into the one viewing lounge which was cool as shit but I didn't know anyone but hopefully I can be included in this community going forward because everyone seems so cool. Trip and Canada jake both told me their moor experience which hopefully shows trust. And after I won the challenge Trip said I should be captain. It was sweet, but hopefully no one takes that to mean I am the leader because I sure as shit do not want that. Even though I feel like I am in a bit of a power position with Luke right now, I do not want anyone else to know and I certainly don't want people to think I am the captain because those people always get targeted (see: ben this current tv season). Apparently I mentioned that Luke was the only one that knew the coordinates for battleship and when Luke told me I did that I about shit myself because we don't want people finding out how close we are. Hopefully none of the players caught on. Luke told me that Heather told him that she got a 10% advantage in the first individual immunity challenge, and she didn't tell me that until she told the fab four collectively which concerns me because yesterday she told me she trusts me the most. I started individually messaging her so hopefully I can keep that trust. We get the tribal results tonight and hopefully we won so we can keep the Sarah buffer going forward. People were calling me an icon today and I don't really agree but it made me like so happy I could do something for the tribe and everyone was so nice after I won like I was so emotional reading the messages. I know this is a game but I like everyone so much and I'm so grateful I got this tribe. oh also Jake S. hasn't been responding (like usual) and I am just overall concerned about him and whether or not he has an idol. Besides that, I am just so happy with how today played out. Sorry for the long ass confessional lol.

Oh and also I love Heather but with the individual messaging I wasn't sure how to start it so I mentioned the walking dead, her favorite show, which I have literally never seen except for when people reblog stuff about it on my tumblr. I literally only had my tumblr knowledge to go on to carry that convo but it seemed to work and she seemed to buy it. I feel bad lying but like I need to talk to her more and I needed an ice breaker lol.

I’m currently trying to secure my alliance with Madison. Whilst I don’t 100% trust her and would like to see her gone before the merge, I want her to think she is my #1. To do this, I’m asking her if I should branch out to Annamarie. She agreed, so I made a group chat with them. This is not so much to control Annamarie but more to let Madison think I’m hopeless without having her in my convos. Hopefully I’m not coming on too strong. 

holy shit that was the worst puzzle i've ever had the misfortune of trying to piece together im so happy its over

Iolaire won the first immunity challenge, sending Saorsa to tribal council

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/168413432616/tribal-immunity-1-results

Im literally shakingggg. We won the first immunity so no first boots from our tribe! I think we were lucky that someone from the other tribe got a strike, otherwise, im uncertain how things would have ended up. There was a plan to blindside August and the idol but we'll have to put it on hold!

So glad we won, there has been a little drama and while I was confident I wouldn't be going home I'm glad we get time to settle down and talk more. I want to make sure I can get Tara, JG, and Rebecka on side, if we can flush or blindside August's idol I'll feel mch better.

omg, close ass challenge it seems like this was alot closer than i anticapated, i expected a loss in the logic but holy we almost wonf if not for sarah thats crazy, but i mean its hard to win with an afk, at least its an easy vote, another loss may not result in so, so we gotta get that motivation and grab the bull by the horns and win !!!

I'm so proud of Trip and Olivia for winning but I am also soooo pissed. If Sarah would have tried I truly think we would have had a chance.

Honestly I'm kinda pissed that Sarah never submitted cause we had it in the bag. I failed pretty hard with the puzzle, but I'm hoping to do better next time. I found a freaking path in the moors, no advantage, no hint. I'm trying to get around, trying to talk to everyone, especially madison, lucas, and olivia. I'm very comfortable with them and I feel that we'd be a good alliance once the game gets SERIOUS. I got drafted twice and I'm gonna cry I'm so happy

DAMNNN we have to go to tribal. Whilst I am sad about this, it won't be too sad seeing Sarah go (hopefully). After seeing the draft results as well, I think I am going to make Madison my #1 considering how liked she is by the VL. She must be a good person. Also, since she has history of the game- it would make sense to align with her over Olivia.

So Rebecka has finally communicated, was worried she had a grudge from Athena, but I know she's going through some things, hopefully she is better now. I do want to work with her, but I would be worried that she is more inclined to work against me than with me, hopefully I can work with her, she's a loyal person and I can use that.

Aye it’s my first confessional!! I’ve kinda been laying low from the start cuz I’ve been very busy in real life but I think everyone on my tribe is cool! I think this rounds tribal should be easy considering we have a 100% inactive but in survivor who knows what’ll happen.. I’m also not aligned with anyone at this point. I’m just chillin. But it’s a bummer we lost so hopefully someone reaches out to me soon! 

Jake just told me we are meant to be allies. I asked for his advise and he said he is there to help me, which is good for any future plans. I'm not sure if Heather trusts me the most anymore, but I know she thinks I'm right. I still have Luke 100% and hopefully tomorrow I can secure Trip more. Tomorrow is an easy vote day and Luke and I are going to use this opportunity to lay low and just trust build. Hopefully all goes to plan. Should we lose another immunity, we have a tentative plan in place. But hopefully, we won't get there.

I cant believe I somehow won my challenge even though I made a horribly dumb mistake! If my original assumption was right since we both won me and Olivia should have nothing to worry about. We all know who is going this tribal though. It would surprise me if it was not unanimous.

I’m glad I’m not going to be the first boot! A personal achievement. MadisonI’m super concerned about the advantage possibilities NOT GONNA LIE. And Jake S is sketchy. And Trip is playing hard wtf? Also I’m concerned that i was DRAFTED SO MUCH WTF. Like I’m happy but also I’m v concerned that people think I’m way more of a threat than I am. 

Honestly from yesterday to rn I read every single message over 3 times and  I still don't understand anything that people messaged me. I had to write this over 3 times since I'm so dizzy and brain dead from not sleeping and finals. I feel absolutely nothing atm and so  I can't tell if people are trying to screw me over or not. O well. I'm not that sad that we won, I don't know the other tribe so whatever.

Wow. So tribal's tonight and I'm mega excited. I can't wait to see how it goes and what question the judges ask and see who people voted for. I feel that this is an easy vote, but it's impossible to know what everyone is thinking. I'm excited for the next round and see what challenges the judges come up with. Overall, this first round has been incredible, especially since this is my first time playing, and I'm ecstatic to see what's next.

Well tribal is not too far away. I voted for Sarah, I'm hoping and guessing everyone else did too. Canada Jake's nickname for me is Moose, how freaking adorable is that. I love that guy. Today was supposed to be just a simple trust building day and then Trip blew that up lmao. I wonder if I tell Canada Jake that Trip excluded him if he would maybe get on board with what we need him to. I'm finding myself thinking way too far in advance when I just need to focus on what is happening now. With every move I imagine 1,000,000 different repercussions and how it could lead to me getting voted out. I want to go far so badly but I worry I won't make it past episode two. Just gotta take it one step at a time I guess.

This is probably my 100th confessional of the season (It's day 4), but Im totally enjoying my day off! We don't have to worry about going to tribal and losing a member of our team! What worries me though is that once the other tribe eliminates their inactive player, we'll be doomed at the next immunity.

Dang k9trip is salty at the moment. Rushing tribal to the extreme.

An alliance of Heather, Lukas, Madison, and Olivia called “Future Final 4″ was created on Saorsa.

An alliance of Vi, Tara, and August was created on Iolaire.

An alliance called “Secret Tribe F5″ between Heather, Trip, Lukas, and Olivia was created on Saorsa.

An all-girls alliance between Heather, AnnMarie, and Olivia was created on Saorsa.

At tribal council, Sarah was eliminated in a unanimous vote:

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/168443384851/tribal-council-1-saorsa

[mouthmoodz]

ALL THE QUESTIONS

YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN

ok here we goooo

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

Spotify

2. is your room messy or clean?

Usually messy

3. what color are your eyes?

Hazelicious

4. do you like your name? why?

yeah i like my first name a lot actually? (riley) i like that it’s a gender neutral name; idk why exactly but i wouldn’t want to have a girl’s name. and i’m glad my parents spelled it right. 

5. what is your relationship status? 

Singlé

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less

“annoying little fucker”

7. what color hair do you have?

Red

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?

silver 2002 oldsmobile intrigue

9. where do you shop?

the world wide web

10. how would you describe your style?

executive dysfunction femme (with occasional bursts of lolita or otome)

continued under the cut

11. favorite social media account

tunglr dot net i suppose, i have the most followers and pals here by far

12. what size bed do you have? 

Twin.

13. any siblings?

I have an older brother

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

hmm, to be honest it’s hard to say because I’ve been hardly anywhere so I don’t know what kind of place I would enjoy being the most. But probably a fairly large city somewhere in the US, i just don’t know which one.

15. favorite snapchat filter? 

doggo

16. favorite makeup brand(s)

I love Too Faced. love to actually own some of their products someday

17. how many times a week do you shower?

i have depression

18. favorite tv show?

the x-files or always sunny

19. shoe size?

6

20. how tall are you?

5′1″

21. sandals or sneakers? 

sneakers

22. do you go to the gym? 

who the fuck do you think i am,

23. describe your dream date

I never know how to answer this question because not to be corny but if I really like the person I’m on the date with then it doesn’t matter that much what we’re doing??? as long as it’s not something really boring.

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? 

$6.03

25. what color socks are you wearing? 

white

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?

two

27.do you have a job? what do you do? 

ya i’m a library page

28. how many friends do you have? 

Depends how narrowly you define the term “friend.” Also I’m not going to try to count because that’s just not chill

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? 

Depends on your perspective

30. whats your favorite candle scent? 

I like vanilla scented candles

31. 3 favorite boy names

32. 3 favorite girl names

this is super hard for some reason? once my friend made me decide what i would name a boy and a girl if i had them and eventually we came up with alice and tristan. other than that i’m not sure, though recently I have thought that Neil is a very nice boy name. we all know why this is, of course, but it really is I swear. 

33. favorite actor? 

34. favorite actress? 

I don’t really know or care about famous people that much ever so I’m just gonna say like.... everyone from star wars.

35. who is your celebrity crush?

Like I said, I don’t really know or care much about famous people. And most of them are shitty people and/or not interesting.

36. favorite movie? 

i have seen like 0 movies ever but i like edward scissorhands a lot

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? 

yeah i do and i guess my favorite book is the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy

38. money or brains? 

money my dog i’m neither a sapiosexual nor a fool

39. do you have a nickname? what is it? 

there have been a number of variations applied to me over the years but the most common one at the moment is probably riler

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?

none for an emergency, several times for gettin my brain scanned by a big ol magnet and shit like that

41. top 10 favorite songs

i answered this not that long ago when i reblogged this ask meme before so i will just endeavor to say 10 DIFFERENT songs that i like a lot, again in no particular order

love is greed- passion pit

soratobu toshikeikaku- capsule

1901- phoenix

undercover martyn- two door cinema club

untrust us- crystal castles

orpheus and eurydice- allegra rosenberg

drunk drivers/killer whales- car seat headrest

life on the nickel- foster the people

dirty paws- of monsters and men

wallspin- neil cicierega

42. do you take any medications daily? 

ya lexapro and wellbutrin

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

dry

44. what is your biggest fear? 

never accomplishing anything worthwhile

45. how many kids do you want? 

zero

46. whats your go to hair style?

doing absolutely nothing to my hair

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) 

small

48. who is your role model? 

my boy neil c, unproblematic fave of the century

49. what was the last compliment you received?

I think it was when i was in the grocery store and someone said “I love your red hair!” They also had red hair. feels good feels organic even though I don’t like talking to strangers

50. what was the last text you sent?

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

I never really "found out,” I just sort of figured it out. I forget when exactly, but it was pretty early on.

52. what is your dream car?

nyan cat lamborghini

53. opinion on smoking?

it’s bad for you but i’m not an Ass to people who do it

54. do you go to college?

ya

55. what is your dream job?

artist, author, some sort of independent content creation like that

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

the suburbs i guess? unless the rural place was exceptionally beautiful

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? 

no ‘cause i’m not a CRIME DOER

58. do you have freckles?

fuck dude i sure do

59. do you smile for pictures?

yes but only with my mouth closed and if the person taking the picture isn’t taking their sweet time about it

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

1559

61. have you ever peed in the woods?

nope

62. do you still watch cartoons?

I haven’t lately since I stopped watching su and nothing else has caught my attention but I’m not opposed to the idea

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

I don’t really eat fast food

64. Favorite dipping sauce?

ranch dressing

65. what do you wear to bed?

i usually wear a nightgown

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?

no but i came in third place in one once

67. what are your hobbies?

reading, drawing, not writing, lolita fashion, collecting obscure pictures of internet funnyman neil cicieregegerega

68. can you draw?

allegedly

69. do you play an instrument?

haha funy sex number. no but i used to play the viola

70. What was the last concert you saw?

I’ve never been to a proper concert

71. tea or coffee?

tea

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

i don’t go to either of those places

73. Do you want to get married?

I go back and forth on this. It’s not super important to me, but if I was ever truly convinced I wanted to stay with somebody forever I’d go ahead and do it

74. what’s your crush’s first and last initial

FUCK both their first and last initial are not that common so people would be able to tell who i am talking about probably

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?

I’m a gay but I guess if my wife had a cooler last name I might take it

76. what color looks best on you?

black probably

77. Do you miss anybody right now?

Ya my friends!! We haven’t hung out very much lately :(

78. Do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Closed

79. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yes because I am one

80. What’s your biggest pet peeve?

I fucking hate it when people crack their knuckles!! Stop it what are you doing to your APPENDAGES you weirdoes!!!

81. last person you called?

my mom

82. favorite ice cream flavor?

chocolate chip cookie dough

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?

Golden oreos tbh

84. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

Sprinkles don’t taste very good and they’re essentially pointless but at least rainbow sprinkles are pretty

85. What shirt are you wearing?

A plain black pullover hoodie

86. What is your phone background?

Unico in Bloomland 

87. are you outgoing or shy?

shy

88. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

idk no one does that but it depends who it is i guess

89. do you like your neighbors?

I don’t know them but they have never been annoying so they’re cool i suppose

90. Do you wash your face? At night? In the morning?

no i just cleanse it along with the rest of me the way god intended, in the Shower

91. Have you ever been high?

yeah once it was pretty fun

92. have you ever been drunk?

nope

93. Last thing you ate?

A green bean. except it wasn’t a green bean, but some other bullshit type of bean that’s practically the same thing only not.

94. favorite lyrics right now

“if you were a piece of dust, I’d shine a light through the busted window and I’d learn to trust in the updraft that you’re on.” -The Only House That’s Not On Fire (Yet) by Lemon Demon

95. summer or winter?

summer

96. day or night?

time is fake my guy

97. dark, white, or milk chocolate?

milk

98. favorite month?

Hmm... maybe october

99. what is your zodiac sign?

pinchy the crab

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?

my best friend

[wrestlewriting]

Insolence, Pt. 7 [Adam Cole]

Title: Insolence, Part Seven of ? (Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six)

Characters: Adam Cole/OC(Brenna)

Genre: Angst. Fluff.

Length: ~4,700 words

Warnings: Cursing, obviously. A little kissing.

Summary/Inspo: “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” - Joseph Campbell

  @catie-kaboom @libby-rose-2016 @legitlunatic @valeonmars @barbelly28 @danapotterwwe @alexahood21 @rollinstrash @covergirlcollarbones  @hiitsmecharlie @tearsropsandtiedye @thedeboniardevistation

If you want to be added to the tag list, just let your girl know! :)

AUTHOR NOTE: So this chapter is structured a little unlike the others. I’ve intermixed some song lyrics, which I think lend a bit to the state of mind going on in this chapter. Also, an Instagram caption. Because we live in as social media/technology world, so it feels fitting in this story.

“Wait, are you sure you can be involved in the match tonight?” Jay Briscoe asked, raising his eyebrows, as you sat backstage at a table in the venue in New York City.

“Uh, yea, I think I’ll be fine,” you brushed his concern away.

“I mean, you’ll have a bandage on it, right?” His worry over your minor involvement in their match that night now made you roll your eyes.

“Yes, father, I will,” you smirked, expecting the glare you got in response. “Relax, dude. It’s been three days. It’s already healing just fine. And as long as no one straight up hits me there, it’ll be OK.”

“It looks good,” he concurred, causing you to smile softly, turning to gaze down at where, beneath your shirt, the new tattoo rested along your shoulder, above your collar bone. It was not too big, simply the word ‘hallelujah’ written in black script.

It was no secret that you had gotten the tattoo, another one in your small-ish collection. You had it done three days ago, on the anniversary of Evan’s death. It was what you were looking at as your closing act to that specific chapter in your life. You were one of those people, who believed that anniversaries and notable occasions needed to be marked.

You had made it to ‘a year’, the point you had set for yourself. You didn’t feel nearly as perfect as you thought you would, but you also now understood that you couldn’t predict these things. You did feel better though; lighter, happier.

Acceptance, that was the stage in the grief cycle you were, at long last, truly on. It was time to move on even more than you already had; keeping his memory, but letting your life occur organically. You couldn’t keep telling yourself you had to wait for this, or that, to happen in order to be past it. You knew you would have an ache for a long time in you without him, but you could manage that.

In the past couple weeks, you had decided you just had to let life go on. Evan would always be with you in some way, and that was all you needed to know. You weren’t about to start sleeping with every man you met, but you also weren’t going to have being a widow be a leading characteristic of yourself all the time. You felt secure in pushing onward in life.

After the tattoo had been done, you had posted it on Instagram. Somehow you had become encouragement, validation, for others going through losses. You weren’t overly sharing your pain and experiences on the internet, but you weren’t shy about being real about what it was doing to you either. That had struck a chord with people.

1 year later…. I’ve never been one for religion. Always felt forced & constricting & contradictory. But I know religion for many is a relief. It gives answers. It gives control over to someone else. It gives purpose. It gives direction & structure. The idea of heaven & hell gives some type of peace of mind. Bad people get no rewards in death, while good people do. I like that part. I like thinking maybe the people I’ve loved & lost are somewhere happy. It’s always fascinated me how many people “find” religion in times of sorrow. I guess it’s a comfort to believe that everything has a reason & greater meaning, even if at the time you don’t understand it. I never got it before, why in times of tragedy you would suddenly change your outlook. But I’ve gained an understanding in the last year. I’m not attending church anytime soon. I’m staying Team Agnostic. Evan was religious to an extent. It brought him a lot of comfort to have God, to pray, to believe. Who was I to tell him otherwise? He did his thing, I did mine. We compromised when needed That said, we played Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ at the end of his funeral. It felt right. For all of the reasons above & hundreds I haven’t stated. This tattoo is for him. For all the other people I’ve lost and like to think are watching over me. For the comfort I’ve found in travel & new experiences & old friends. For the peace I’ve been able to make with my life. For the adventures I have yet to be on. I have no true answers. I probably never will. But I’m lucky because what I do have is time & hope & really good people around me. Live, and let live, and let go. “Maybe there’s a God above. But all I’ve ever learned from love, Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya. And it’s not a cry that you hear at night, It’s not somebody who’s seen the light. It’s a cold & it’s a broken Hallelujah.”

Your caption had been long on the picture, but after posting it, you had in some ways been calmer. You had rewritten it over a dozen times to be honest, before you thought it got across the point correctly. This was in Evan’s memory yes, but it was just as much a symbol of you having gotten through a massive tragedy. And you were still standing: stronger, smarter, just as capable as you were before. Maybe even more.

Adam had texted you afterwards, clearly having seen your social media post. Looks good, was all his message had read.

Since Texas a month ago, you both had managed to be around each other without anything else eventful happening. You’d made it through some other ROH and PWG shows just fine. There had been dinners where everyone laughed; after-show beers with friends in hotel rooms without fights breaking out. He had been in Japan wrestling, while you had been all over America. You’d texted one another throughout the weeks, checking in after matches, relaying funny stories from the road, asking if the other had heard a song or seen a TV show.

It seemed like there was a genuine friendship between the two of you.

Finally.

Except…you couldn’t let go of all of the things he had told you in San Antonio.

Especially not after talking to Lauren and Candice. Your best friends, bless them, had decided they could see right through his words, and all but smacked you in the face with the reality of it.

Lauren, the far bigger believer in fate and kismet and all that jazz, had immediately declared Adam was in love with you given what he had said and done. You decided that was just a little bit dramatic. Candice had been more along the lines you were comfortable with; Adam clearly had feelings for you, but wasn’t sure what exactly they were or how to handle them. And out of respect for you, he wasn’t going to try to actively figure it out with you either.

Both girls, however, conveyed that you needed to stop putting restrictions on yourself. They wanted you to stop telling yourself you had to wait for something else to happen before you reacted, or thinking you had no right to be ready to move forward. They agreed you needed to do something, anything, to progress the situation. You have someone who wants to be with you, figure it all out with you, right in front of you! Do not waste that, Lauren’s words stuck with you.

All of this just made you hyper aware of any of the interactions Adam had with you. While on the surface you were maintaining an image of friendly, relaxed, it never felt like it was just that, at least not to you. You kept seeing motive, meaning, in every exchange, be it in person or over a cell phone.

Once he had put his arm around your shoulders while you had been talking in a group, and it just hadn’t seemed the same as when any of the other guys did it. It didn’t feel causal; it felt possessive, intimate. Another time while at a bar, he had stood behind you, close, ordering a drink over your shoulder, and feeling his body against you had made your breathing stop. You hated that you were analyzing every contact you had with him, but you couldn’t stop yourself. Anytime he was in your personal bubble, it caused a reaction for you. And any time he texted you, which had become a daily occurrence, asking your opinion or thoughts on something, it made you smile, usually involuntarily.

You had never looked at Adam beyond the scope of friend, but after what he had said to you, after what the two of you had done together, it was hard to not let your mind go there. You weren’t sure where you were at with regards to him. You completely understood what he was saying when he explained that it was not so easy to put one another in a clear-cut category anymore. Did you have a fleeting crush on him? Genuinely like him? Actually want to be with him? All of it? None of it?

Things were different, and you really didn’t like that he had been right with regards to using that word so often.

The entire matter also terrified you.

You’d only ever been with Evan, at least in a way that was significant. Childish middle school relationships full of giggling when you held hands just didn’t count. Evan was your definition of real love. It was hard to think of anyone else fulfilling that role, meeting those expectations, making you so happy. You knew, logically, someone could, probably would. But you still assumed it to be just slightly out of reach to you.

Your brain, your heart, and your soul were all just at war within you. For every point one made, another had a counterpoint. It was overwhelming most of the time. And not a whole lot of fun.

“I’m gonna go get ready,” you told Jay, pushing your current life indecision back to the back of your mind, where it had been living for some time.

“See ya, bug,” he responded, with a short wave. Sighing at the childish, yet endearing, nickname, you got up from the table and headed to what was the women’s locker room for the night.

You were relieved none of the girls wrestling that night were in there. You liked your coworkers, had become genuine friends with a few of them. But right now, you just wanted to get ready in quiet, and settle your racing thoughts. You hadn’t yet seen Adam tonight, and you couldn’t deny you were anxious about it.

Playing music from your phone as you flitted around the locker room, getting dressed for the night, you enjoyed the calm that you had somehow managed to find for the moment. You knew tonight was going to be busy, a lead in to the anniversary PPV next week. So for now, you had on a playlist of less frantic songs. A lot of the songs had been comforting for you over the years, a way to reflect and put words to your emotions when you otherwise couldn’t. It was amazing how music always had a way to make life better, easier, even when it was anything but.

Well, I’ve been afraid of changing ‘Cause I’ve built my life around you. But time made you bolder, Even children get older, And I’m getting older too.

You slid on your black long-sleeved body suit, which had an open back, adjusting it as needed. You then pulled on a tan ruffled thigh-length skirt up your legs, zipping it up, and turning it so it laid how you wanted. Grabbing your makeup case, you sat down in the folding chair in the room, placing the items on the small table next to it.

As you worked on your make-up, the music continued to swirl around you, multiple songs playing as you not only completed your face, but also your hair, which you left hanging loose in waves.

This is my relapse, That I’ve succumb to. I went through things no one should have to. I could have never let this slip, I could have let this slip. -~- I’ve been everywhere around the world and finally here tonight. You seem to be the only one to make me feel alright. I feel good when I know you’re coming down. I feel good when I know you’ll be around. -~- An angel got his wings, And we’ll hold our heads up knowing that he’s fine. We’d all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime. Friends stay side by side, In life and death you’ve always stole my heart. You’ll always mean so much to me, it’s hard to believe this. -~- I caught you burnin’ photographs, Like that could save you from your past. History is like gravity, It holds you down away from me. You and me, we’ve both got sins, I don’t care about where you’ve been. Don’t be sad and don’t explain, This is where we start again. -~- Drinking old cheap bottles of wine, Shit talking up all night, Saying things we haven’t for a while. We’re smiling but we’re close to tears. Even after all these years, We just now got the feeling that we’re meeting for the first time.

When you were satisfied with your look, you put away all of your items, and turned off your music. You left out some sweatpants and slip-ons to put on after the show, knowing you would want to change before going to the hotel. You grabbed your thigh-high black boots, sliding them on and securing them to yourself. Standing up, you looked yourself over once more, before deciding it was time to head out in to the Ring of Honor backstage craziness. Making sure you had your phone in a small wristlet, which you also put a lipstick and compact in for touch-ups, you left the locker room.

And immediately you collided right in to somebody.

“Oh shit, sorry!” Damn. Fuck. His hands were immediately gripping your upper arms, steadying you on your feet. “You OK?”

“Yea, fine,” you answered, causing him to let go of you, leaving your skin feeling warm. Looking up, you met Adam’s blue eyes, and took in the grin on his face. “Were you just coming in?”

“I mean, I can definitely be a sleaze ball sometimes, but no, I was actually going to knock, I swear,” he said, the smile on his face getting wider when you pursued your lips and raised your eyebrows. “Have you eaten yet?”

“No.”

“C’mon, Matt brought stuff for us,” Adam nodded his head to the side, indicating he wanted you to come with him. But you didn’t move. So neither did he. “…what?”

“I didn’t tell Matt to bring me anything?”

“I did.”

“Oh.” For the first time since you’d ran in to him, you saw Adam genuinely in front of you, in a t-shirt and jeans. You were pretty sure he had a meet and greet before the show, so apparently he wasn’t changing in to his ring gear for it. And he also had apparently taken it upon himself to get you dinner. Which was sweet of him.

“So…food, or no…?”

“Um, yea, yes,” you stumbled out, with the tiniest half-smile on your face. When you went to walk past him, he stopped you however, his hand light on your wrist. You turned your head towards your shoulder, so you were able to look over at him.

“You look amazing,” he stated, his voice low. He was close, having stopped you mere inches away from him, and every one of your senses was very aware of him.

“Thanks,” you whispered. Had his cologne always been this nice? And did he always give off so much body heat? Was he always looking at you in this way, like he wanted you? Would he reject you if you kissed him again? Should you just find out?

You turned yourself a few more inches towards him, put your hand on his cheek, and placed your lips to his.

He didn’t react right away, whether that was because of sheer surprise or personal restraint, you didn’t know. But after a moment, when you didn’t pull back, you felt his hand settle on your hip, and he returned the kiss.

Despite your current state of affairs, which was causing your entire body to feel electric, you were still aware you were in the hallway. Stepping backwards slightly, you guided Adam with you.

“Locker-room,” you breathed out against his lips, explaining your actions, as you shuffled your hand blindly behind yourself on the wall until you found the handle to the door. It was as though your words increased the emotion in the kiss, turning it almost desperate, as his tongue went into your mouth. You fumbled for a moment trying to turn the handle, caught up in the now heated kiss, and the way Adam’s arm slid to encircle your waist.

The both of you moved through the doorway once able to, Adam supporting you so you didn’t stumble in your boots. He shoved the door shut with his free hand once you were inside, then tangled that hand in to your hair. You shifted your hand from his face to the back of his neck, your nails scratching against the base of his skull. With his arm around your waist, he pressed his hand in to the small of your back, causing you to arch forward. Your wristlet dropped to the floor from your other hand, allowing you to instead grip at his side, fingers tangling in to his shirt.

Sufficiently wrapped up in each other, you weren’t even thinking about anything anymore, just how much you enjoyed feeling him, being close to him. This was completely new in some ways from your other kiss, especially being you hadn’t been drinking, but some parts of it felt familiar. The actual desire between the two of you to be doing this was definitely heightened more this time. It was evidenced in every motion, and the literal hold you had on each other.

He pulled you with him, as he rested back against the wall, securing your body against his. Being pressed against him, front to front, brought a whole new dynamic to your interaction. You could feel every part of him, all firm and warm, and despite his grip on you, somehow gentle. With every move of his tongue with yours, you wanted to be even closer to him. It was all so very visceral.

You weren’t sure if it was a moan or a groan that came from you when his hand slid up your back and on to the exposed skin of your back and shoulder blades.

“Fuck.” Whatever sound it was, Adam had clearly heard it. He stopped kissing you, and you could feel his breath, heavy like yours, as he parted from you. “Shit…” You wanted him to just kiss you again, and leaned slightly to make it happen.

“Bren…” You knew then by his tone, he had broken the kiss with a purpose. You kept your eyes closed for a second, so you could swallow your now wounded pride. Letting go of him, you stepped back and away. It was only once there was distance that you opened your eyes. He looked far more troubled than you expected him to. You could only imagine how you looked to him. Pathetic, probably.

“I get it,” you murmured, your shoulders slack, hoping to just end the moment and be done with the entire situation. He had just been caught up probably, his feelings were likely not the same as before. Everything your friends had said was wrong, and anything you had felt had been misled. This had been a mistake.

You shouldn’t have let your physical desires direct your behaviors; you should have listened to your cautious brain.

“Do you get it? Because I really don’t think you do,” Adam argued, peaking your interest, as he pushed off from the wall. “I’m doing everything I possible fucking can to not an asshole here, for you or me. And you just kissing me….”

“Yes Adam, that was a one person event that just happened,” you rolled your eyes, his own narrowing in response. “But go on, tell me. What does that all mean?”

“It means, that yea, when I met you, of course I had a crush on you. Hell, half the locker room did. But you had Evan, and that was that, and it was easy to let it go because it couldn’t ever matter. And then we all just became friends and family, and life was clearly defined.” He paused, taking in your reaction.

You were pretty sure all he saw was a blank face, because these were things he had spoken to you before. Why did he have to repeat himself? You heard it the first time. It didn’t exactly feel wonderful hearing it a second time either.

“And then…then Evan wasn’t here anymore. And you and I…we’ve gone down this weird path of avoidance and confrontation and reconciliation and more confusion. That’s all these past few months have been. But in all that…somehow, I don’t know, I realized that without that just immediate, unspoken boundary, I can’t help but see you differently. I can’t ignore you when you’re around. And I want you to be around. I do like you. As the person I get to talk to…hang out with…kiss.”

You knew he could see some surprise in your eyes now. When you had the serious conversation in Texas, Adam had mentioned all these thoughts, emotions. But hearing him say it so directly, with confidence, clearly meaning it…it put a whole fresh off-axis spin on your life. You had believed you had come to terms with what had been brought up before, having talked it all out with your friends. But apparently it was one thing to have it in your head; it was another to hear it so bluntly from him.

“And I’m trying my fucking hardest to not act on it, not push you towards anything. I don’t want to put any more worries, problems, into your life for you to figure out. Not when we’re finally somewhere good together. I don’t want to risk that.”

“…why do you think you’d be a problem?”

“Brenna, come the fuck on,” he huffed. “Are you saying you’ve enjoyed the absolute hell we’ve put each other through the last few months?”

“Well, no, of course not…but it’s not like I didn’t bring it on myself?” You didn’t blame Adam exclusively for anything in the last few months; you had played your role in it too. “I’m the one who confronted you the first time after months of silence. We both had a part in all that. Good and bad.

“But the last months, that’s in the past. That has nothing to do with these feelings, right here, right now. And I mean, sure, yea, of course I have no fucking clue what this is really, what to do here, with us. It could just be another shit-storm, or it could go really well. Like you said, we’re finally somewhere good. So what’s to say we won’t stay that way? But…shouldn’t I get to make that choice for myself?”

“So what? You want to try this with me? With us?”

“I don’t know, yes? Maybe? I just…I know I want you to stop thinking you get to make that decision for me,” you concluded. “You’re constantly telling me what I want, or what I need. Why can’t you ever just ask me?”

“Because I don’t think you know,” Adam replied.

“So? Maybe I don’t. Actually, OK, fine, I don’t know. I don’t know what this is between us. I don’t know how to be with you because all I’ve ever been with is Evan, and fuck, how you even date someone anymore? And I don’t know why every time I see you something has to fucking happen, good or bad. I don’t know why I just had to kiss you right now, except I know I wanted to. But what I do know is I want to be able to make my own choice. I need you to stop making a decision for me, and just tell me what you want from this.”

“I’ve told you.”

“And you always follow it up with a ‘but’, a reason why you can’t,” you pointed out. “So, do you actually?”

“You must not know me at all if you think I’m one to not mean what I say,” Adam declared.

“Well, considering everything I thought I knew about you isn’t exactly adding up in this situation, forgive me,” you retorted. You hated that this was turning in to an argument. That had not been your goal at all when you saw him.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It means, you’ve given me space. You’ve pushed whatever it is you want away in some attempt at not upsetting me. You text me every day, sometimes for literally the dumbest reasons. You just, treat me differently than everyone I’ve ever seen you with. So whenever I think I know what’s going to happen, it doesn’t usually go that way.”

“Well, I’m sorry I genuinely care about you,” Adam voiced, sounding almost wounded that you hadn’t realized that, just known it, before now. You observed him, as he looked away from you. Any of the frustration and anger in the room melted away for you.

“Adam…”

You weren’t sure what to say first at this point.

But it was definitely do or do not time.

“You said earlier you don’t want to put any more stress on me…but after Texas, after what you said to me…how could it not do just that? If you think I’ve just been able to not think about that conversation, worry about it, over-analyze it…then you just don’t know me, or women, at all.” His eyes finally came to yours again, and you did everything in your power to not look as nervous and unsure as you felt.

“And I thought I knew what it all meant, and I thought I had been OK, but now I don’t think I am. Because…I’m scared, Adam. This is all so confusing for me, and so different.” You swear you saw a sparkle of recognition in his eyes at your word use. “But…I can’t just ignore it either, or pretend it’s not real. Because it is. Because you care about me, and I don’t know what I feel towards you, but I know it’s not what it once was. It’s more than that.

“Maybe we will just go back to arguing all the time, I don’t know. We’ve managed finally to be friends again, but it’s obvious neither of us wants it to stop there. Even if we have no idea how to go about this.”

There was silence between the two of you after that, each processing your words and everything that had happened overall. You didn’t know what to do anymore, what to say. You hadn’t meant to have this conversation with him when you ran in to him. But something in seeing him, being close to him, had made you feel like you just had to. There was clearly something between the two of you, that much you couldn’t deny anymore. What it was though, remained to be explained.

“We’ll figure it out.” His declaration made your attention go fully back on him. As you comprehended what he said, you felt your heart flutter slightly.

“I might be really shit at this,” you warned him.

“You’ve already decked me. And cussed me out, a couple times,” Adam highlighted. “Does it get much worse than that?”

“Yes, it does,” you answered, seriously.

“Well, then I’ll stay alert,” he smiled. You recognized how much you liked his smile. It started on the left side of his mouth, before it grew across his entire face. It was so strong, genuine.

“Can we just…not make a big deal of this?” Adam tilted his head slightly. “With everyone else. Hell, even with us. I just….” You had no idea how to rationalize to him that you didn’t want this whatever-you-were being discussed by your friends, seen by your coworkers, made in to a notable event.

“It’s just you and me, no one else,” he assured you. “Nothing is going to change that much. But, when I want to kiss you, I’m going to.”

“OK.” You tried to suppress the grin that wanted to break out on your face. You had to admit how much you liked kissing him, which was obvious at this point. But, that was only a part of what went in to…this. Were you honestly ready to take this next step, however small or large, with Adam? What if you really were shit at dating? What if you hurt him? What if you weren’t actually ready to let someone in your life again in such a manner?

“C’mere,” he requested, putting out a hand for you to take, which you did. He promptly pulled you towards him, back in to his space. You were thankful for your boots, as it made you almost level with him. “I mean it Bren, we’ll figure this out, together, OK?”

“Yea.” You wished you were as confident now as you had been ten minutes ago when you all but jumped him. “It’s just…a lot.”

“I know,” he agreed, his hand squeezing yours. “But, as long as we’re honest with each other, it’ll work. So, we can’t go back to how we were before, keeping shit from each other and the arguing.”

“But I like yelling at you,” you teased with a small whine to your voice.

“I kinda figured,” he stated. “And I mean, I’m sure I’ll give you reasons to still yell at some point. It just…can’t be our standard way of communicating.”

“Fine,” you sighed jokingly. Adam just gazed down at you, a gentle smile coming to his face as he did so. “What?”

“I like you happy,” he said, causing your cheeks to warm. You didn’t know how to reply to that. “Come on, let’s go actually eat now.”

“We probably should do that,” you concurred.

Neither of you made a move to let go of the other, or leave the locker room.

Instead, Adam leaned his head down, kissing you again, softly. When he broke the short kiss this time, it was only to then lay another kiss on your forehead. There was no urgency like before, but the kisses resonated in you all the same. Before had been about want, and this felt like it was about something more.

“Let’s go,” he decided, removing his lips, letting go of your hand. You moved back as he turned to open the door, allowing you to walk out before him.

This night had certainly taken a turn. You were excited, nervous, happy, scared. You really hoped you hadn’t just made a mistake. You didn’t think you did, but you also knew there were still a lot of variables at play. You wanted things to be fine, you truly did. Maybe Adam was what you needed in your life. Or maybe he would realize this was all just emotion with no substance. Nothing was sure right now, that much you knew. But at least you were trying. And you had someone who appeared willing to try with you.

What if I can’t be all that you need me to be? We’ve got a good thing going, we have some promises to keep. But my addiction it can be such a detriment. Please believe in this my dear, I am more than penitent. What if everything’s just the way that it will be? Could it be that I am meant to cause you all this grief? My war ships are lying off the coast of your delicate heart, And my aim is steady and true as it’s been right from the start. There’s a degree of difficulty in dealing with me. From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories. If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all. So when we leave it’ll be a quick midnight escape. We’ll disconnect ourselves from all of yesterday. I’ll dig for water and fashion our very own wishing well, Then we’ll throw our coins down hoping to rid us of this little hell. There’s a degree of difficulty in dealing with me. From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories. If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all. Will we get out of this little hell? Will we get out of this little hell? Will we get out of this little hell? Will we get out of this little hell?

UPDATE: Chapter Eight is here.

[awhalenamedjonah]

On Punching Nazis

I'm probably gonna regret making this post as soon as a bunch of random tumblr blogs I've never interacted with suddenly fill my inbox with some great arguments about how I should kill myself (which is reason #1 why I don't get involved in stupid tumblr discourse) but this is something that's almost definitely going to have an effect on me and/or the people around me soon regardless, so I might as well get my stupid opinion out there.

Somehow this is a controversial opinion but...maybe...punching Nazis...is bad sometimes.

I'm sure everyone stopped reading already to unfollow me and tell their friends what a fucking idiot this guy on tumblr is for being a Nazi Sympathizer™ and an Alt-Right Neo-Nazi™, and a Hyper-Conservative Trump Supporter™ (I am none of those things). In my opinion Richard Spencer did deserve a solid punch in the face or fifty, but that's not the problem I have here. Encouraging everyone to Go Punch a Nazi in order to Keep Racists Afraid is a bad idea for everyone on all sides of this situation. So, begin rant proper.

In my experience with the internet, I've been told that everyone with a political opinion (read: everyone on earth) is somehow in support of a mass genocide or something nearly as sinister. Westboro Baptist Church types yelling about how The Gays are trying to destroy society with their wretched sinfulness, for instance. Recently, I learned from the ever-wise internet that all police officers (and those that support them) are pushing an agenda of inner-city racial extermination. I was told around the same time that Black Lives Matter just want to kill all whites. Currently I'm being told that everyone that the internet called "Alt-Right" is actually a white supremacist who wants all colored people to get out of the country or be lynched. This isn't an internet-exclusive phenomenon, either; when I was a kid there were plenty of protesters against abortion who claimed all left-wing pro-choice voters were in favor of mass slaughter of babies. Gee, maybe a tiny exaggeration there.

There's a very simple line of reasoning all of these hyperbole-filled generalizations follow, and it's always filled with fueled by the innate desire to be "the good guy" as well as the tendency humans have to paint a group as a singular opposed entity to the True Righteous Path that I, the most enlightened, follow. Here's my understanding of the chain of events. See if this seems familiar to you:

You have two groups that have differing political opinions. Usually fairly big ones. Obviously as usual there's mudslinging but it's the normal shit.

A bunch of specific bad individuals (neo-Nazis, pedophiles, looters, people who think the new series of Berserk is good) start sticking out from either crowd. This is always (and I mean always) a minority faction within the group, at most.

The media (or social media) highlights these gross people exclusively, to cast the entire group in a negative light. These individuals' views become Their views. Everyone in the group that's reasonable gets painted with the same brush. It becomes "Us Versus Them" now that it's confirmed all the people who disagree with you are (Nazis, pedos, looters, attracted to Benedict Cumberbatch)

A call to action against these vile (Nazis, pedos, looters, gen 1ers). Sometimes this involves violence (Punch a Nazi!) sometimes just protest, but it's almost always a gross overreaction.

Suddenly a huge group of people with primarily moderate views are conflated with extremists. Sometimes people will specifically defend this generalization by saying the moderates are “enabling” the minority (even if most people strongly oppose the beliefs of said vocal minority). This is where people get off saying that “whiteness” is inherently problematic.

Ironically this almost always leads to a fifth step where the vocal minority who are touted as the majority suddenly become empowered by the media rhetoric and thinks everyone actually does agree with their awful beliefs. The smaller minority that once quietly agreed now find the platform for their beliefs and the minority gets larger. A bunch of people who formerly kept it to themselves suddenly hear about how millions of voters are extremist homophobic sexist racists and collectively say "I'm not the only one who believes gays belong in internment camps! I've found a group to voice my opinions!" Then these people with newfound support start shooting cops or holding neo-nazi rallies.

You can probably think of at least a few specific examples immediately. Some of you are mentally tagging this #black lives matter and some of you are tagging it #gamergate and that alone is a good example of how this same bullshit happens to two distinctly different crowds. I’ll use those two as examples, as much as I never ever wanted to talk about gamergate again.

I remember being on Twitter almost 24/7 when shit was going down in Ferguson and being completely floored by how the mainstream media was exclusively showing burned-out buildings and using the phrase "riots" left and right. Meanwhile I was watching dozens of on-site sources post live video of huge silent crowds standing firm and not instigating anything. To the people disconnected from it, it sure seemed like the people of Ferguson were a bunch of thugs and looters and rioters just itching for an excuse to punch a cop. Meanwhile the sane protesters in the town were forming living barriers around buildings to stop arsonists and looters from doing any more damage-- but the effect of the media spin was long done by then and to this day people still have completely fabricated ideas of what happened there. And of course this painted future protests the same way. They escalated until the rational and sane people started coming out less and the riled violent crowds became exactly what the media said they were: rioters. Bam, now you have cops getting shot from rooftops and the media succeeded in minimizing the original message of BLM. Now I'm not sure if most of the remaining BLM protesters are actual violent criminals or if the media is just twisting it that way, because the truth is so blurred-- either way there's no way I'm ever associating with that particular group now that they're branded terrorists.

I also remember being on Twitter almost 24/7 when shit was going down in the #gamergate hashtag. Everyone I knew was talking about how ridiculously stupid and elitist gaming journalism had gotten, but a bizarre twist happened in which everyone seemingly decided that it was actually about how sexist gamers are and how badly they want women to leave game development. Legitimately awful humans like Milo Yiannopoulos [insert sound of vomiting here] suddenly got a surge of new followers because on a surface level they supported the original argument (that game journalism had become too elitist and started becoming a circlejerk about the writers' Superior Artistic Taste and Moral Uprightness) but were in it for less savory reasons than to support a reform of the gaming media's journalistic ethics. Suddenly the discussion was all about sexism instead of the original point, and anyone who made a post at the beginning of it like "maybe videogame journos should be required to be actually good at videogames #gamergate" are suddenly sexist and a social media terrorist. To the people disconnected from it, it sure seemed like the gamergate crowd were a bunch of sexists and racists just itching for an excuse to drive women out of gaming. Meanwhile the sane gamergaters involved were getting new gaming sites started and promoting up-and-coming journalists (some of whom quickly got hired by major gaming sites like The Escapist)-- but the effect of the media spin was long done by then and to this day people still have completely fabricated ideas of what happened there. Now I'm not sure if most of the remaining #gamergate supporters are actual sexist lunatics or if the media is just twisting it that way, because the truth is so blurred-- either way there's no way I'm ever associating with that particular group now that they're branded terrorists.

Currently the big one is a huge group of people being thrown into the category of "Alt-Right" for a variety of reasons, varying from actual neo-nazi affiliation to having an anime character for a Twitter avatar. I see legitimate media outlets refer to "anime avatars" as a prominent warning sign of white supremacists, and if that isn't a sign of some hyper-generalization I don't know what is.

Now back to the point of this, which you've probably gathered by now if you're not completely fucking dense. It’s simple: Telling people to punch Nazis isn't the best idea, because nobody can agree on who actually is a Nazi. I've seen people get called a Nazi constantly over a decade on the internet, for reasons such as supporting communism (lol what), voting for Trump, being anti-abortion, or watching Axis Powers: Hetalia.

If you expect the general internet-using public to exercise restraint when told to “Punch a Nazi,” then you're either new to the internet or legitimately insane. If the former: Welcome! We have tons of great porn here. Click this link! Also don't ever Google "meatspin," "goatse," or "lemon party."

Get ready to see a lot of people who voted for Trump get punched in the face for no good reason. If that sentence makes you respond “voting for Trump is a good reason,” you’ve instantly proven my point.

Meanwhile Trump and his supporters get more and more of the evidence they need that anti-Trump protestors are violent criminals.

This isn’t going to end well.

[newromanticsstory]

III

“Don’t you dare touch that phone,” Gigi yelled at Blake as she reached for her phone as danced across the coffee table. “If you even think of touching, you’re doing a shot.” Dinner had ended hours ago, but everyone had decided to stay and hang out since it actually had been a while since everyone had seen each other in a very long time. At first it seemed that they were going to be sitting around looking at their phones, showing each other pictures that the took from their world travels, although Taylor was the only one who hadn’t gone anywhere in the past year, Selena then got an idea.

“I play this game with my friends all the time,” Selena said earlier in the night. “We all put our phones face down on the table and ignore them as long as we can. No matter what happens” They all agreed, but Taylor was worried that her phone would be going off all the time because of all the Tindr matches and alerts that she was going to be getting. So before she put her phones with the others, she flicked the switch on the side and turned off the sound. It was an unfair advantage, but she knew that it was the only way to keep her secret safe from everyone. While it seemed for a while that no one’s phone was going off, Blake’s phone when off first.

“Ryan’s by himself with both girls,” Blake said. “He might be texting me asking where something is. James is probably giving him some problems. Like asking where I am and when I’m coming home.” Gigi rolled her eyes, but before she had a chance to answer, Taylor stepped in.

“I think we can make an exception to the rule,” Taylor said. “Ryan is probably trying to get her to go to bed, but she won’t unless she says good night to you.” They all nodded in agreement. Blake then grabbed her phone and stepped away from everyone, taking the phone call from Ryan. Taylor wanted to look at her phone, but didn’t want to do a shot, in fact, it seemed that no one wanted to do a shot and everyone was avoiding their phones.

“Kookies,” Karlie said as she came out of the kitchen. “Get them while they’re hot and fresh out of the oven.” As everyone heard that, they got up and grabbed one. It seemed that this was what everyone needed. It had been so long since they all hung out that it wasn’t funny. As she took a bit of one of the kookies, Karlie looked over at Taylor. “So when’s that album coming out,” she asked. “You know that the internet is starting to lose their minds and people are starting to demand that you release it. In fact, I had two girls ask me if I knew anything in my coding classes, but I had to tell them I knew as much as they did.” Taylor swallowed hard when she heard that. The truth was that she had been writing, but nothing was good enough. The two break ups that she had were mutual and nothing bad happened recently. She had the issues with Kanye and Kim, but she did not want to dreg that up and start something new with them. She sighed.

“Good,” she lied. “I talked to Max Martin last week and he said that he liked what he saw and was going to work with it, but don’t expect something new till like next year. I haven’t even started to make the musical arrangements.” The four girls let out a collective groan. It seemed that ever Taylor’s friends wanted new music. While she said that she was going to take up to a year and a half off, it seemed that it was going to turn into two years, which she thought that she deserved since she had been stuck in a never ending cycle of touring and recording just like Bob Dylan was, but that wasn’t for her. She needed a break and it was well deserved.

“Come on,” Gigi groaned. “You’re killing us here. I know that you said that you were planning on taking a year to a year and a half off, but now it’s turning into two years. I wanna go back up on stage and strut again. That was fun.” Everyone laughed remembering how amazing the show at Met Life was when they all came out. Taylor smiled and realized that she might have to actually start really writing lyrics instead of watching true crime shows all day. She sighed softly.

“It would be funny if we both released albums at the same time,” Selena said. “We should totally go on tour with each other and do something like Jay Z and Kanye West did. But only better.” The thought of this made Taylor smile a bit. While it might be hard to tour with Selena, knowing her track record, it might be a good thing mainly because of the fact that Taylor would be able to keep her sane and maybe even get rid of those idiot friends who want to party all the time. But Taylor knew that this was a pipe dream. Her label and Selena’s label would never agree to letting them tour together. It was a dream, but a nice dream. Blake walked back and smiled.

“Everything alright,” Taylor asked. Blake nodded as she took a cookie and poured herself another glass of wine. “Of course,” Blake said. “James was just being James and refused to go to bed without saying goodnight to me and Selena you better do a shot or else I’m going push you out into the rain and sell the pictures to TMZ.” Gigi, Karlie and Taylor turned around and saw that Selena was standing with her phone in hand, with a surprised look on her face. She knew that she was busted and there was no way out. Gigi walked over and pour the mix of vodka and fruit juice into a glass.

“Drink up,” she told her. “You’re the first.” Selena shook her head. She couldn’t believe how stupid she was. Selena sighed and took her shot. “What is it,” she asked. Gigi shrugged. “It’s not jungle juice,” Gigi said. “It’s more of what a bartender would call a jolly rancher.” Selena shrugged. While it wasn’t bad, it was too sweet for her liking. “And I apologize,” Selena said. “T and Amy keep texting me about something stupid. They kept arguing about if I’m actually going to go back into the studio or not this year. Of course I had to answer them, if not they’d think that I’m dead or something.” Taylor rolled her eyes. At least they didn’t catch on her little tactic or else she’d be drunk on the floor. As Selena put her phone back down on the table, she accidently knocked Taylor’s phone on the floor, which caused her to panic. She was going to get caught and it was going to result in something more than just shots. Gigi was known for doling out punishments that fit the crime and she knew that it meant shots for her. As Selena picked up Taylor’s phone, she noticed that the silent switch was turned on. “You cheater,” Selena said causing everyone else to turn around. “You had your phone on silent the entire time. That’s so not fair.”

Taylor blushed bright red. She was caught in her own lie. “I must have forgot to turn in back on this morning,” she said as she looked down. Gigi shook her head. She then walked over and looked at Taylor’s phone. She knew that Taylor was lying, but she didn’t want to call her out on something that she didn’t know what, but she was going to get to the bottom of it.

“So why’d you leave your phone on silent,” Gigi asked. “Someone texting you too much and you don’t want your friends to find out?” Selena, Karlie and Blake couldn’t help but laugh. “Trying to hide a new man from us,” Karlie said as she came over and sat next to Taylor, letting her know that it was OK to be embarrassed.

“She’s probably not ready for us to meet him yet,” Blake said. “After all, we didn’t meet Calvin until three months after she had started dating him.” Taylor breathed a sigh of relief. She was glad her friends where actually cared about her and would accept what she was about to tell them. But before she had a chance to explain what was going on, her phone went off loud enough for everyone to hear. Gigi looked down at the screen and the started to laugh.

“Tindr,” she asked trying to contain her laughter. “Are you kidding me? Taylor, you aren’t that desperate, are you?” Taylor heard Gigi’s reaction and felt tears well up in her eyes. She didn’t thank that Gigi could be so mean. Before anyone else hand a chance to answer, Taylor grabbed her phone and ran upstairs, closing her door to her bedroom. As they heard the door slam shut, Karlie looked over at Gigi, scowling.

“You know that you could have been a bit nicer,” she said. “Now we have to work on getting her out of there and that’s going to be bad as the break up with Tom.” Karlie got up and headed up stairs as Selena was coming back down. Selena had at least gone after her and tried to reason with her, but it seemed that even that wasn’t going to happen. “She locked herself in there,” Selena said. “I’m staying until she comes out. She was there for me when I came out of rehab all those times, so I wanna be there for her.” Karlie nodded and then looked over at Blake and Gigi. She remembered that the both of them hand to leave by 10, Blake was going back home and Gigi had an early flight to Paris for a shoot with Vogue Japan. “Go,” Karlie said. “Selena and I got this. We’ll send your apologies. We all know that no one was trying to be mean.” Gigi nodded.

“I wasn’t going to make fun of her or anything,” Gigi said. “I just thought it was…” Karlie stopped her. “We all did,” Karlie said. “But it was wrong. We should have given her a chance to explain what she was doing. I’m sure that she had good intentions.” Karlie then got up and hugged Gigi and Blake. “Text when you get home,” she said. “We will,” Blake and Gigi said in unison and then headed out the door. As soon as they were gone, Karlie turned to Selena.

“It’s gonna be a long night,” Karlie said as she climbed the stairs. “Are you sure that she locked the door.” Selena nodded. “I tried it,” Selena said. “There’s no other way in there. Karlie then remember something.

“Yes there is,” she said. “Grab your jacket and follow me. We might get a little wet.” Selena looked at her like she was crazy, but she knew that Karlie had spent more nights in this apartment more than anyone, so she knew a few trick that no one else knew. Selena grabbed her jacket and followed Karlie up the stairs. From the sound of it, it wasn’t going to be a long night after all.

[gamerszone2019-blog]

Our Favorite Dumb (But Awesome) Games

New Post has been published on https://gamerszone.tn/our-favorite-dumb-but-awesome-games/

Our Favorite Dumb (But Awesome) Games

At some point in the past few weeks, some of us at the office were spitballing about when we thought the ludicrous new crustacean-themed battle game Fight Crab might come out.While we don’t know for sure (though their website alleges it will be some time by the end of the month), it got us thinking: this game, while undeniably awesome, is also undeniably silly and sort of dumb. But that’s not a bad thing – in fact, it reminded us that some of our favorite games aren’t much smarter.

IGN’s Favorite Dumb-But-Awesome Games

Check out the slideshow above for some of our favorite dumb-but-awesome games, or scroll through the entire list below.

I Am Bread

In I Am Bread, you are bread, and your mission is to become toast. Literally – it’s all about traversing a hazardous kitchen, apartment, or other mundane room as a slice of bread to get to a toaster and cook yourself.

The premise is silly as hell and it’s frustratingly, stupidly hard, but it also had me laughing so hard I teared up. Funny, because I had the same exact reaction to Bossa Studios’ other wacky game, Surgeon Simulator.

– Casey DeFreitas, Editor

This game was an absolute turd, so bad in fact that it was one of the first games to be approved for the PS Classic, the first mini-console desgined to showcase all of the worst titles in the history of an otherwise beloved system.

It was also the first and only 3D fighting game available for the system at launch (a couple months before Tekken and a couple years before Soul Blade would be released), so you better believe there were quite a few of us early adopters out there wasting hours mastering a game that would never really achieve widespread popularity. Even though I definitely know better in retrospect, I still can’t help but to remember my time with BAT fondly.

– Jeremy Azevedo, Head of Gaming Video

Blitzball

Final Fantasy X was a game about love, parenthood, responsibility, adulthood, and playing underwater basket-rugby with lots of dudes in big shorts. At least, it was for me. I am acutely aware that Blitzball, X’s take on the traditional all-consuming Final Fantasy side-game, is objectively bad. It’s slow, predictable and has, generously, about 4 animations in total. And I played it for dozens of hours, sculpting the perfect team of dudes in big shorts and winning everything I could. It was a chance for a distraction from the sad fact that Tidus’ dad had become an apocalyptic whale, and by god, I took that chance. I love it.

– Joe Skrebels, UK Deputy Editor

Blake Stone: Aliens of Gold

In my house, my dad didn’t let me play Doom. He let me play Blake Stone: Aliens of Gold while he played Doom. Blake Stone: Aliens of Gold is kind of like Doom, but it’s also not Doom. Doom came out the week after this game and ruined my life. Thanks, Doom.

– Ronny Barrier, Video Producer

Sneak King

Who’d have thought that one of the most memorable games of the last generation would have been a marketing stunt? Sneak King took my love of stealth games, and slapped it on the grill with my love of burgers to make a delicious, greasy, surprisingly unbroken adventure starring America’s only acceptable monarch, the Burger King. May his charbroiled reign last a thousand sneaky, greasy years.

– Jon Ryan, Senior Editor

Uno (Xbox Live Arcade)

When this game came out, I got way too into becoming the greatest Uno player of all time. I will never forget the lack of moderation on the pictures for my competitors leading each game of Uno to basically become a proxy for chat roulette. A unique time in gaming.

– Tate Fiebing, Product Manager

Roundabout

Expecting an FMV comedy romp, I was not expecting to be dumped into what is arguably the most absurd puzzle/platformer/racing game I’ve ever played. Yes, it also has FMV. Beginning with frustration and utter confusion as I tried to learn how to control my continually-rotating cab quickly gave way to howls of laughter as I crashed and exploded again and again, and I became obsessed with trying to top my previous high scores for each level. If I’d been playing by myself, I might not have found it quite as funny – but with friends, this game is comedic gold.

– Ginger Smith, Product Manager

Almost every single licensed NES game (not made by Capcom)

If it existed in the 80s, there was an NES game based on it. It didn’t matter if the underlying IP was rated R, or what the story might be, or if the developers had ever seen the movie or show it was based on.

This was before the internet and by the time you were suckered into buying the game, that was it, you were stuck with it. Rambo, Total Recall, TMNT, Bart vs The Space Mutants, A Nightmare on Elm Street, X-Men, Goonies, Karate Kid, Terminator 2, Friday the 13th, Night Rider, Airwolf, Bill & Ted, if you can remember it, there was probably an NES game based on it and it was almost definitely shit. But you’d play the hell out of it because you wanted to believe it was like the thing you loved, and because you had to justify the expense of a new game tape to yourself and your family. Unless it was made by Capcom (like Ducktails or Little Nemo), in which case it was, of course, bitchin’.

– Jeremy Azevedo

You Have To Burn The Rope

YHTBTR is a 30sec game with a great 2min end credits song. It’s not very difficult. The game literally tells you what to do right in the title. You could argue this isn’t even a game and instead is more of a music player with an interactive play button. No matter how you look at it, YHTBTR is definitely a “dumb” game but to this day is still one of my favorite time-wasters.

– Isaiah Smith, Software Engineer

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand

After G-Unit performs a sold-out show in an ambiguous Middle Eastern country, they’re outraged to learn the concert promoter can’t pay them in cash. Instead, he offers them a jewel-encrusted skull, which is immediately stolen by a beautiful ninja woman. 50 Cent, Tony Yayo, Lloyd Banks, and DJ Whoo Kid chase after her, which proves easier said than done because there are terrorists everywhere and they have to fight the terrorists.

Because this is a video game, new weapons and skills can be unlocked, but because this a 50 Cent video game, so can new swearwords. 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand is dumb as all hell, and way better that is has any right to be. It is a tragedy and an atrocity that it never got a follow-up where G-Unit goes to outer space or back in time.

– Max Scoville, Executive Mailroom Clerk

Chrome Dino

When you go offline…and you’re really bored…watchu gonna play? Chrome Dino! No, but seriously, Chrome Dino has saved me from complete boredom so many times over the years. From dodging pterodactyl and cacti to watching the world change from day to night and back again, Chrome Dino is a surprisingly addictive game that lives in the most unlikely of places. I still play it sometimes to this day when the internet goes out…

– Isaiah Smith

Cool Spot

A video game tie-in to promote Sprite’s bastard stepchild 7-Up, Cool Spot is profoundly dumb in theory, but actually quite fun to play. You play as the eponymous spot – 7-Up’s mascot in the United States – as he traverses through various generic ‘90s platforming levels, rescuing other Spots and collecting points. Strangely competent despite the relentless product placement.

– Lucy O’Brien, Executive Editor

Get On Top (Sportsfriends)

The awkard wrestling game where rounds last 2 or 3 seconds. Many laughs were had and bets decided from wierd round boys slamming eachothers heads into the ground by wiggling around in QWOP-like motions. Existed as a hidden mini game in Sportsfriends and on the best selling console of all time: Ouya.

– Drake Wempe Software Engineer

Dong Dong Never Die

One of the weirdest fighting games ever made, DDND is a Doujin (Fan-Made Indie Game) game from China made in Fighter Maker. It plays a little bit like the old King of Fighters series, but the game looks like you took the weirdest characters out of Kung Fu Hustle and put them in a digitized 2d fighter. You’ll laugh at how absurd each character and their attacks are, but actually get a kick out of the fighting engine too. The game is free on PC, so you can take a shot of using your Mian Hua Tang against Super Mario without spending a penny.

– Aaron Smith Sr. Mgr.of AdOps

Metal Arms: Glitch In The System

A long-forgotten game for GameCube that was in many ways ahead of it’s time. Quirky storytelling that reminds me of borderlands. A bunch of bizzare weapons that could be upgraded and customized.

A final boss fight that was utter insanity as you’re almost literally fighting a building. A ton of fun to play and even gave itself an arena to do PvP with. Sadly in spite of having all of the elements of other great games it never really caught on.

– Eric Becking Lead Engineer

What are some of your favorite games that make you go “this sucks, I love it?” Let us know in the comments!

Source : IGN

[horrible-monstrosity]

p5 finally ends its first arc after like five million episodes and it's as weird, disappointing and disturbing as I could ever dream it to be. so they mindbroke the le evil bad guy, and after spending a few days presumably locked up in his house freaking the fuck out because he'd just been mindbroken he shows up at the school and blurts out a confession. Then he tries to "run" because he's completely just freaking the fuck out, and our main girl reeeees at him to not run from his crimes how dare he!! ... except that's exactly what he was just doing, not running, and instead dragging himself in terror to the school to call himself a horrible person in front of everybody because some unknown mind event scrambled his brain and made him like this against his will. And after all that you still feel the need to scream at him for acting like an actual human and being terrified by the actions and thoughts forced on him by an outside entity, even though he came this far on his own. I mean what's it even gonna matter if he runs anyway, everyone heard him confess, the police can easily still catch him- nope, beat him down even more for not acting like a perfect little punish-ee, make him call himself even more terrible, because we said so. I- I don't know.

Probably doesn't help that he was such a cartoony villain I can hardly bring myself to believe he's a human being who actually deserves a punishment for his actions. It's like someone created a strawman as an excuse to have some mental torture fantasy and feel righteous about it. It's the kind of villain you have around to get instantaneously brutally murdered, a death/punishment as equally ridiculous and shallow as the events that made him deserving of it. You can't just have some cardboard-y villain suddenly deserving a three-dimensional, thought out into every little corner of his mind meat-space punishment. Or rather, it's like I can barely believe this sort of ridiculous charicature of a person could exist and take these actions in the way this character did, so his punishment by mental torture and forced guilt ends up feeling paradoxically undeserved due to how "real" it is by comparison. It's just somehow unsettling. Also he's entirely repentant while he's freaking out. It's not like he's like "a ha, I can get away with the crimes I was just forced to acknowledge and confess to if I run now!", was he? I don't now, maybe my brain was melting too much after watching this shit and I missed him return to being a cardboard evil villain for a femtosecond there that totally justified this shit. fuck idk

Oh, and it doesn't get any better after that. For one we have the slurge of "look guys, game mechanics!" moments. First main guy meets the world's least interesting fairy, who looks exactly like any of the other generic fairy monters they've fought in the dungeon already but this one randomly decides it'z a perzona and it lives in main guy's head now. Okay, you expect this to be useful later, right? Nope, before the fairy ever sees a second of use it gets thrown into the succpot along with the super-cool, imposing and iconic-looking Arsene and turned into this useless, pointless little Pot of Greed-looking motherfucker. Which we're then visually informed is totally more powerful than any cool-looking monters we might have actually wanted to see on screen. Okay. It's a completely pointless and underwhelming piece of script but there's totally gonna be people defending it because le "it's in thu game!!!!". Blah.

Then they get the crown, and it... turns into a medal. Because the game had a very thoughtful table of items in it that had no connection to reality- probbly something like, there's a generic but impressive item used to portray treasure, but once you pick it up it has a specific but arbitrary name or description depending on whose it is, without any real connection between the two- and the anime just had to show off all that generic haaaaard work without actually putting in the work to make it actually make any sense. This brings up its own little logical conundrum until the anime uses another logical conundrum to shit itself and cover up the first one. The medal, the cat says, is something as important to evilteach as a crown to a king, or some shit, as though it's an important item to him- given what it is, it's something like a first-place prize he's very proud of winning. Something that was a wonderful memory, maybe something that inspired him on the path to becoming a teacher, before it all became corrupted by greed and ambition. Yeah, that'll really help him, to physically steal the one thing most precious to him that might be his last decent memory and sell it for cash like it's trash- oh wait, never mind, the cat said it's just a mindclone or something. W- what? Yeah, now they just... sold a counterfeit medal to a pawn shop for dough, that's all. Much better. The pacing of this is astoundingly fucked, too. First we're told the crown turned into the medal after the palace collapsed, then we're shown a flashback of that happening that adds absolutely nothing to what we were just told. Then, we're told the medal is some important thing as valuable as a crown so that's why the crown, which represented the thing at the center of the teacher's mind, represented the medal. Except then, after they sold the medal for god damn money, we're told the medal... also just represented the thing that the thing represented... ???? What a confused fucking metaphor. They keep saying one thing and giving it just enough time to sink in before saying it's something else. All that because the game allows you to sell the treasure as arbitrary vendor trash.

Oh yeah, and the kids went to a pawnshop and bought a fucking gun before this, because fuck you. Or rather, because the game has to have these sorts of useless extra attacks- weak early-game moves and support moves that probably use less mana or whatever, because using the impressive persona powermoves all the time while dungeon-grinding would devalue them and make them less impressive. But that's not the case in an anime. The time spent battling is cut down significantly and looks much better if you use it to focus on the reason the franchise exists, the Personas, rather than wasting any of it on ridiculous battle toys. There's a reason that the only part of this part of the battle system that survived in the P4 anime was Yusuke or whoever showing up with katanas and being made a joke of, because these things can go unscrutinized in game mechanics where it's an arbitrary sprite and name attached to whatever but is ridiculous and pointless outside of it. It's like in megucas where Sayaka brought a baseball bat to a witch barrier and Mami basically humored her by putting a shield magic thing on it, so Sayaka swung it around pointlessly while the shield that came out of it was the only thing really doing anything.

And then it adds another layer of stupid- the kids decide to look up a bit-time villain in the collectiveness consciousness palace, fine enough. There's already a fansite full of people begging the phantom thieves to fix problems for them, because uuuuuhhhhhhhhSo they start looking at crimes, read one that sounds not particularly like one they have reason to not respond to, decide to skip it, move on to the next one and OH WHOA WOW IT'S A SOMEONE BEING STALKERED BY THEIR EX! It's a MAN committing MAN-CRIME against WOMAN-VICTIM! Wow we'd better get on this one right now guys. So they go to the collective sewer-subway of the mind, encounter him; he strawmans himself out as le evil man who literally views his ex as property because any human being ever actually thinks like that; they take him out in one shot and he doesn't fight back at all but they try to make it look like it's totally impressive anyway, and he ends it by seeing the light and calling himself an evil man-crimer who should will respekt whammen from now on like it's a fucking Natty comic. What And then the group and the cat decide they'll only ever go after real big-time evil people, which is what they came all the way down here exactly not to do. Why

And thennn they look up Akechi's kawaii instagram feed on the internet because reasons, insult his detective ability for no reason, decide his interest in the Phantoms is totally not because he's detective and that's what he does and call him a stalker instead. Remember, like that stalker just before this that we decided was the worst possible most evil scum of the earth and we need to go take him out now? Except now nobody really cares, because... I don't know, because the target is vague and unspecified, and vaguely implied to be primarily the main guy because he's the leader and he's the one looking at Akechi's snapchats at that moment I guess, and that's not nearly as somethingorotherly as when the victim is definitely and exclusively le femlae. Except theennnnn the girl character says she feeeeels like she's been being stalked, and now we're supposed to care. Because feels. And it's clearly not even because we're supposed to have suspected before this point that someone was actually stalking her, because the "stalker" shows up like one minute later and it's some guy we've never seen before. ok. Why is every little thing just... like this?

And now this next episode starts off by turbo-frontloading exposition about how awfully terrible the next main villain is, and my brain can't take any more of this right now I'm done. bye

... Wait, if the next super-evil-palace guy is the guy who "stole" the stalker's girlfriend, doesn't that potentially... exonerate him? Like, he's keeping people in a dungeon somewhere making art for him, if your girlfriend got caught in that you'd probably be pretty frustrated and go try to figure out what happened to her, right? The request did say "Madarame", didn't it? Wait, if the girl is chained up in the art basement who posted the request? If it was her why the heck was she just whining about her ex and not about Madarame? What the FUCK is happening???

[fanficlandofkazamcra-blog]

“How Bad Can I Be?” A keemstar x onceler  cross over fanfic.

Keemstar was sitting at his desk, wondering what he would do in his life. He was a drop out and he still needed adult diapers. Standing up, he exclaimed to himself, shaking his fursuit around, “ I know! I’ll do youtube videos about the NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOSSSSSSSSSSA “ he smirked. He visited the wonderful land of Youtube. It was glorious, full of youtubers having a great time, fulfilling their fandom’s ships. Jack and Mark were STILL not together, and the fangirls were crying. Most, if not all of them were playing videogames.  There were also some who thought they were dragons.

Keemstar strutted to the youtube channels in his fursuit, watching them be far more successful than him. He was jealous, very jealous. Eventually, the sky got dark, so most youtubers left the area, but some stayed because they had no life and sold their soul to the devil, to be devoted to posting 18 videos a day. After creating his channel, “Drama Alert”, he exposed a man named XxAlexIsAGoodManXx, ruining his channel. It fell to ashes over the period of a month, brutally getting torn apart from the inside. Drama Alert collected the ashes, ready to make a batch of suscribers. He walked away, holding the remains of his youtube channel in his hand. He was heading towards his cabin in Youtube land, taking off his fursuit to repeal a pink Rainbow Dash adult diaper. He changed his own diaper, but it was extremely difficult, as he had never done it before. He tried to strap it together, but he was too fat, and too stupid. Either way, he crafted a video exposing XxAlexIsAGoodManXx, and walked to town. At day, the youtubers mourned over their loss. Alex WAS indeed a good man, and he helped the youtubers over the years advance. Meanwhile, fursuit man Keemstar was showing off his “Alex Exposed” video, screaming enthusiastically for everybody to call Alex a stupid nigger. They threw tomatoes at him, booing him. After being called out, he sighed, stomping away aggressively. “Maybe my mother was right..” He teared up, and threw the exposed video away, in the hands of a young adult, with beautiful luscious blonde hair and blue eyes. Keemstar was already at his cabin, deciding to move on from diapers due to his heart break. He took off his fur suit and put on a suit to appeal to the Fangirls. Suddenly, everybody rushed towards his cabin, chanting for more videos, subscribing quickly. They begged and begged for more videos. Keemstar sweated nervously at all the people, he’s only seen this many people when his mommy took him to the shop once.

“Keem! We want exposure videos! We need DRAMA!” They scream, beginning to stomp their feet, holding money in their hands. Keem calls his mom on the phone, screaming in utter joy. “MOMMY!! GET MY CEO’S I’VE SUCCEEDED IN LIFE!” his mom replied with a relieved sigh, thinking that keemstar would finally make his parents proud, but then she realised it was in youtube. She frowned, but thought it was better than nothing. Keemstar began exploiting other channels, laughing as they suffered. His CEOs were behind him, as he grinned smugly.

Youtube CEO Susan Wojcicki rushed to his hut, while listening to channels internally bleeding to death. “Stop!” She cried. “Hurting all these channels will cause extreme chaos! It’ll be your final regret!”

Keemstar spinned around from his office chair, and smirked, laughing like one of those hot anime boys, munching obnixously on popcorn. “Sorry, Susan, but the newwwssssssssaaaa must be reported by somebody.” He says, spinning back around to watch some newwwwwwwwwwwwwwwssssaaa, his own newsa of course. He began to sing, suddenly changing his voice to sound like a fantastic pop star, “ How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally,

How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following the news’ lead. How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally. How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Well there's a principle of nature (principle of nature) That almost every 'tuber knows. Called survival of the fittest (survival of the fittest) And check it this is how it goes. The ‘tuber that wins gotta expose and yell and send and hate! And the animal that doesn't, well the animal that doesn't winds up someone else's ne-ne-ne-ne-news! (new new new new news!) I'm just sayin'. How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally. How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just following the news’ lead. How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just using the news that comes naturally. How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? There's a principle in the news (principle in the news) That everybody knows it’s sound. It says the people with the good news (people with the good news) Make this ever-loving world go 'round So I'm biggering my set-up, I'm biggering my news, I'm biggering my internet connection Everybody out there, take care of yours and me? I'll take care. of. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. (shake that news you swines!) Let me hear you say 'tobuscous exposed!' ( tobuscous exposed!) ‘He raped me!’ (’he raped me!’) Complain all you want, it's never ever, ever, ever gonna stop. Come on how bad can I possibly be? How ba-a-a-ad can I be? I'm just building a news channel How ba-a-a-ad can I be? Just look at me pettin' this child! How ba-a-a-ad can I be? A portion of proceeds goes to charity! How ba-a-a-ad can I be? How bad can I possibly be? Let's see. (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) All the customers are watchin’! (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the money's multiplyin’! (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And nobody starts exposin’! (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) And the lawyers are denyin’! (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) Who cares if a few channels are dyin’? (How ba-a-a-ad can I be?) This is all so gratifying. How bad. How bad can this possibly be!?”

He says, his CEOs singing along. Susan sighs, as she watches the last 5 channels limp down, wondering when they’ll get exposed. She looks at them and pats them. “I’m sorry, Pewdiepie. I tried, senpai.” she begins walking away, eyes watering.

SLAM!

Two days later, the last channel tumbles to an end, sending a final goodbye to the viewers. Susan sheds a tear, as the precious Pewdiepie that was always valued’s channel was ended. She walked up to Keemstar, eyes watering.

“I knew it. You would’ve done it no matter what I said.” She sighs, desperately grasping onto the last tape of Pewdiepie’s video.  The fangirls were running to our good friend Keemy’s house as they spoke. “Now, unless you find someone who cares an awful lot, it’s not going to get better.

it’s not.” She says, before leaving to let Keemstar get attacked by the fangirls.

The fangirls cry and scream, hitting Keemstar’s door. “WE DIDN’T THINK THIS’D HAPPEN! WE WANTED SEPTIPLIER TO BE TRUE, BU-BUT Y OU RUINED IT!” They snapped, disliking Keemstar’s videos. Suddenly, the once beautiful land of youtube was wiped clean of it’s previous beauty. It was now dull, and grey, and covered in the ashes of old channels for others to mourn on. After locking Keemstar in his own house, the fangirls left. Keemstar had been holding the last Pewdiepie video in his hand as this happened, grasping it tightly. He sighed, turning to all his videos.

He would be here forever.

12 YEARS LATER

Hunched over, Keemstar was rewatching his old videos, remembering all the praise and attention he got. He glanced at a large stack of money, reminding himself of better days. Suddenly, he heard a little girl run to his house. Her name was LtCorbis. She was 11, and was trying to impress her friend idubbbzTV with a youtube video. He had always been funnier, better, and smarter than her, and she always tried to copy Idubbbz, he was always tired of her. He said to her one day, that if somebody gave him a youtube video, he’d just go homo for them (no homo) on the spot. The little girl yelled to Keemstar. “ARE YOU KEEM!?” Keem nodded, waiting for her to continue. Corbis yelped to him, “I REALLY NEED THAT VIDEO!” “Why?!” Keem questions, as Sophia continues. “I need it to make..” She read the smudged writing on her palm, stammering. “ Sus-Susy W-wo-wojoockky ! I need to make Susy Wojocky proud! “ She exclaims. He nods, ready to pass the video. “ Once Susan told me ‘ if you don’t try to fix it, it’s not going to get better. it’s not ‘. I wondered what this meant for years, but I finally found out-” Sophia was tapping her foot, honestly not giving a fuck about the backstory. She just wanted to appeal to Senpai edupps like the filthy fucking weeb she is. “What are you, fucking gay?” She says to Keemstar, fed up with his story. “You need a toilet roll to wipe that shit from your mouth, girly?” He hisses, dropping the video and a toilet paper roll from his barricaded window. “Thank you, daddy Keem!” She says, happily, skipping away with the video.

She passes it to Idubbbz, and iDubbbz starts wheezing. “What are you, fucking gay?” He says aggressively, flinging the video away. “I don’t want this shit I was joking, holy fuck.” Sophia cries and runs away. Neither of them realise Youtube was being revived when Edupz flung it away, people were creating channels again. They were mainly reaction channels, but it was better than nothing. Idubbbz made a channel, and got way more famous than lil Corbis.

From Daddy Keem’s house, he shed a tear in joy. “Thank you, Corbis.” He said, putting on a pink fur suit.

THE END