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otome0heart · 4 years

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[Fanfic] Always You (Victor)

On Monday, it’ll be a month since I started my self-isolation (a day before the State of Alarm was declared in my country) so, after very stressing weeks teleworking and learning how to do and master things against the clock, I had an idea for a short fluffy thing to indulge myself. I ended up, as I said in my previous post, writing a long angst-filled story (romantic, yes, but angsty). But, I’m not going to argue with my Muse. Maybe next time...

Title: Always You

Genre: Angsty Romance

Words: 2249

Notes: I’m still on Episode 12 of the game, so I’m not sure if what I described can be canon or not, but please, be lenient with me ^^U Also, it might be SPOILERISH? regarding MC and the plot (I don’t really know, but I prefer to say it beforehand). And, since English is not my mother tongue, if you spot any mistakes, please, tell me.

I hope you like it :) And I really wish that you and your loved ones are safe and sound during this difficult time.

ALWAYS YOU

Her body was light as she floated in a timeless world of blues and misty whites, the breeze caressing her cheeks and playing with her hair. The hem of her long dress danced around her ankles as she moved her legs, one in front of the other, jumping around like a curious little fawn discovering the forest for the first time. Everything around her was placid and silent, and for a moment, she felt like she could stay there forever, her mind and soul at peace. However, there was something missing in her heart, an empty ache replacing whatever warmth should be there. And, closing her eyes, she wished she could fill it.

The fluffy clouds felt amazing beneath her feet when she landed on them, like walking on a sea of feathers. She was surrounded by cotton-like mountains of all shapes and heights, and she watched in awe as they shifted and changed with the slightest gust of wind. It was stronger there and she had to grab her skirt to avoid it coiling around her knees a few times.

The young woman inhaled deeply, the fresh smell of rain filling her lungs and making her feeling more alive than ever. She moved about the figures, looking around and behind them, observing their colours, in all shades of grey and white until she realised that the wind was pushing the clouds towards a city in the distance, its skyline so familiar that it brought a warm sensation to her chest. It was home. She kept on walking, brushing the mist with her fingers and feeling the water particles leave their dampness on her skin. It was a pleasant sensation, relaxing and also, exciting, as her skin tingled with delight. She did not feel cold despite wearing light clothes and being barefoot, but she barely paid attention to it. It had been long since she had stopped wondering about her dreams, and had learnt to enjoy the pleasant ones and pay attention to the most enigmatic.

The rumble of thunder was heard and she looked down curiously, feeling the vibration on the soles of her feet. Below her, she could see the ocean of buildings that made Loveland City, some so high that their top tore the clouds, appearing and disappearing as the fog healed the wound a moment later. The spire of a skyscraper emerged just a few centimetres from her and she jumped back, startled. Bringing a hand to her chest, sighing in relief, she decided to find another place to rest for a while, far from the most modern part of the city. After wandering for a while, she finally stopped when she arrived at a specially thick part of the cloudy landscape that surrounded her. She sat down, experiencing a sensation similar to when she rested on the soft carpet of the living room, and looked ahead. In the space between two clouds that were shaped akin to whipped cream decorations on a dish, she could see the green extension of Brocade Park, the largest green area in the place where she lived. She watched the luscious verdant extension as the clouds lazily glided over it. The park was deserted, being the rain its only visitor, and she lied down on her stomach, feeling her whole body relax while watching her favourite place in the city, her spirit regaining some of its calmness.

As her lids started to drop, some movement and a flash of colour picked up her interest. A lonely black umbrella moved slowly along the white wooden bridge on the lake that led to a small pavilion, and she wondered why its hidden owner had decided to venture out in such unpleasant weather. The person under the umbrella stopped, looking at the water, and then, lifted their head. Even though she could not see their face clearly from her high position, she felt her heart skip a beat as if that glance had pierced her soul, and she felt compelled to them. As if answering her wishes, the clouds opened slowly under her and she descended until her feet touched the floor just behind the figure. It was a man, tall and well-dressed, and a small smile spread across her lips as she recognised his unmistakable silhouette. She extended her hand and touched his arm, her mouth already forming his name.

Instead of the slightly rough texture of the cloth of the coat, made of the finest wool, she had expected, her fingers curled around the soft silk the bed sheets were made of. With a barely audible sigh, the young woman opened her eyes slowly, the fog of dreams that still clouded her mind beginning to fade. She was on her side, nestled warmly under the eiderdown duvet which covered the bed, one hand under her chin, the other under the pillow, pinching the case with her index and thumb, bringing her loose fragments of a pleasant dream that, however, had left her troubled inside.

She closed her lids once more trying to picture the man of her dream. She knew him, she was sure of it, but no matter how much she tried, his features were unclear. And that fact unnerved her. She had been deceived more than once and that uneasiness in her chest was planting the seed of doubt in her mind. What if that was not who she thought, and her dream was a warning... She would need to take her time to reflect and decipher it.

She opened her eyes again, this time wider, only to realise that the lamp on the bedside table opposite her was turned on. She lifted her head a bit and her eyes set on the figure next to her. Her husband was sitting on the bed, his back leaning on his pillow against the headboard, covered by the duvet up to his chest. He was wearing his glasses and his eyes stared at the graphics on his tablet, making notes on a few papers on his lap with his fountain pen from time to time. His hair was a little dishevelled, falling over his forehead.

She liked to watch him secretly in those intimate moments at home because they allowed her to glimpse at a hidden side of Victor that he only let out when his guard was low, like when he sang French love songs under his breath when he was cooking, the little smile that adorned his face as he enjoyed his cup of coffee while reading a book, sitting on his favourite armchair, or when he slept peacefully beside her, his skin always brushing even the smallest part of hers, needing the reassurance of her presence next to him. As if he was afraid of losing her if he did not touch her the slightest. Probably, he was not aware of those little things, and that was what made them all the more precious for her.

He side glanced at her briefly and found her eyes on him.

“Did I wake you up?” he murmured.

His wife shook her head slightly, a small smile appearing on her lips.

“You should go back to sleep, then. It's still dark outside.”

A small shiver ran down her back, remembering her dream. There was a chance that she would be able to find the identity of the mysterious man if she closed her eyes again, but something inside her told her not to do it. From what she recalled, her instinct told her she knew and trusted that man but her heart was still hammering in her chest uncomfortably as if a part of her doubted it.

“What are you doing? Working?” she answered him with a question of her own, lifting herself on one elbow and sliding over to him. Victor frowned a bit but did not say anything about her behaviour.

“Yes. I need some data for a meeting on Monday afternoon.”

She hummed her answer and leant closer to him, feeling his warmth starting to comfort her. How typical of her husband, wanting to have everything under control way before any event... The weekend had just started.

“Can I stay with you?”

Victor observed his wife with a slight frown. If there was something she loved as much as food and him, that was her sleep. Also, the fact that she avoided looking at him in the eye, told him that something was wrong with her.

“Did something happen?”

She startled a bit and then, shook her head, her sight still fixed on his handwriting.

“No, why?”

He left the tablet beside him on the duvet and turned his full attention to her.

“Because I know you.”

The young woman ducked her head a bit, biting her lower lip slightly in an unconscious nervous gesture. Victor sighed softly and put the cap on his fountain pen, leaving it, the device and the papers on the bedside table. He, then, lifted his arm and held her by the shoulders, coaxing her gently to lean into him. She made herself comfortable, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Did you dream something unsettling?”

“Not really…” she replied after a short pause, playing with the lapel of his jacket.

“Are you sure...?” her fingers stilled on his chest and after a few more seconds of silence, he continued. “Can I do something?”

She shook her head once again.

“No, it's just... I think my imagination is playing with me” she brushed her cheek against the fabric of his pyjamas. “It was a pleasant dream but upon waking up I felt... troubled...”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

She lifted her head to look at him. He was completely focused on her, his mauve pupils full of concern and, though she had decided to keep it to herself and take her time pondering over it, she nodded and began to speak. He listened to every word carefully, taking in her expression and each single of her gestures.

“I know deep inside that…” she stopped and started again. “I was convinced that it was you, but...”

He waited patiently for her to continue, but she did not.

“But? Is there something else?” he asked sensing her restlessness in her silence.

“Nothing, really, it ended there… Yet, what if it's a warning?” a delicate frown marred her features and she clenched her jaw. “ What if someone tries to get to us again? What if you...”

He cupped her cheek with his other hand and kissed her forehead, trying to reassure her.

“Nothing will happen…” he whispered, caressing her skin with his thumb.

“But-”

He brushed her lips with his softly, cutting off her words, pressing more firmly when she whispered his name in protest until he felt her response. He kissed her slowly, gently, to let her know that he was there and that there was nothing to be scared of. Little by little, she relaxed in his arms, her fingers circling his waist to bring him closer to her, seeking not only his physical warmth but also, the comfort that his nearness gave her in those vulnerable moments.

Victor deepened the kiss when she opened her mouth under his, holding her firmly until he felt her pressed tightly against him, her grasp on his back as desperate as his. Many times he had had the same fears as her, that after so many difficulties and so much suffering, the nightmare returned, she vanished from his side and he could never find her, even searching until his last breath. Sometimes, he woke up in the middle of the night and his only comfort was finding her curled up next to him. He, then, brushed the back of her hand with a fingertip, or his toes against her foot, with great care of not disturbing her, to calm his thundering heart and being able to rest again. And even though they had promised once not to have secrets between them, that was something he could not tell her. It would only make her upset and increase her worry, and he could not allow that to happen. Way before that vow, he had made one to himself to protect her happiness at all costs, and that had been his top priority since life had reunited them again.

Gradually, the anxiety hidden in their kisses, in their embrace, disappeared, giving way to loving touches and wandering lips brushing her closed lids, her temple, his slightly rough jaw with just the faintest shade of stubble, his brow.

“Everything’s going to be fine” he murmured leaving another gentle kiss on his wife’s lips.

With her cheeks still red as apples, she cupped his face, gazing deeply into his eyes.

“I don't want to lose you.”

“You'll never lose me” his voice was firm as he returned her glance, full of determination. “In your dream, I'm sure that you found me, waiting for you to come back.

Her features softened and she smiled lightly, He, then, kissed the top of her head and embraced her tightly, sliding both of them down further under the covers.

“It's still early. Go back to sleep. I'll guard your dreams and keep you safe.”

“But...” she seemed hesitant as she looked at him. “What about your work?”

He chuckled softly, his eyes, filled with affection, finding hers, as his hand turned the switch of his lamp off, leaving the room in total darkness.

“It can wait until later.”

THE END

#otome games #mr love queen's choice #mlqc #fanfic #mlqc victor #li zeyan

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vannahfanfics · 4 years

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White Snow, White Ghosts, White Lies

Category: Friendship Fluff, Mild Romantic Fluff

Fandom: Avatar- The Last Airbender

Characters: Sokka, Yue

Sokka wiggled his eyebrows as he peered over the windowsill of the ice-crafted guest suite that he, Aang, and Katara had been provided for their stay in the Northern Water Tribe. The Arctic wind swirled beyond the paneless window, pushing little snowflakes into Sokka’s brown hair and flushed face. He sneezed as a few of the tiny puff particles tickled his nose. While rubbing his nares with the side of his index finger, his periwinkle-blue eyes searched the snowy streets carving through the harsh lines of the residential buildings.

The hour was late, the moon nearly at its peak in the starry night sky, so only the tribal guard wandered the city streets at this time. Sokka watched carefully as a man holding a lit torch patrolled the immediate area. As the soldier turned the corner, the torchlight slowly faded from bright yellow to dull orange before melting into the inky blackness of the shadows. Sokka waited a few moments just in case the man decided to return before boosting himself into the sill. He was grateful for his mittens because even with the soft cloth, the cold of the crafted ice building still bit eagerly into the skin of his palms and fingers.

The snow crunched under the soles of Sokka’s boots as he landed in the drift piled against the building’s wall. He only barely surprised a high-pitched whine as his legs sunk to the calves in the bank, the wet cold diving into his clothes to claw at his skin and tear down to the bone with relish. Hurriedly, he clambered out into the street proper, shaking out his legs to dislodge as much of the clumpy white fluff as he could as he ambled along his way. The moonlight shone down to guide his path.

Sokka hummed pleasantly as he confidently navigated the narrow streets of the Northern Water Tribe. After several days of staying there, he’d more or less memorized the area immediate to the lofty palace where the chief and his beautiful daughter resided. As the image of the graceful, sweet white-haired young woman blossomed in his mind, Sokka sighed dreamily. Yue… There was no denying it; Sokka was smitten. Hence why he sacrificed his precious sleep to sneak out to see the girl.

If only… A sour taste bloomed on his tongue as the image of her betrothed invaded his psyche. His fists involuntarily curled in his mittens, making the cloth squeak with how tight he tensed the threads. Sokka could understand, superficially, why Yue felt so compelled to agree to the political marriage. That didn’t make him any less jealous of the totally undeserving snotrag she would marry. He allowed himself to seethe for a moment before exhaling, releasing his anger in a cloudy misty breath. I’ll take my victories where I can…

The buildings began to thin out, hugging the streets less and growing squatter and simpler. As he approached the fridge of the capital city, hugging the great ice wall that surrounded its sprawl, the snow drifts began to rise in great mounds in comparison to the short buildings. In a majority of the city, not an inch of space was wasted; with its great population, the Northern Water Tribe can crammed structures into every inch of space it could on the massive glacier facing the ice-cold ocean. However, on one of his daily meanderings, Sokka had discovered a clear square patch, no more than a hundred by a hundred feet maybe, crammed between some residential buildings.

Naturally, Sokka had invited Yue to partake in some good old-fashioned snowball fighting and snowman making.

Sokka, hands shoved under his armpits as the cold continued to creep through the fabric of the wool, lumbered onto the empty swathe of snow. In the buildings marking the perimeter, all the windows were dark, reassuring him that no one would be privy to their midnight rendezvous. Still, they had to be quiet; the tribe’s leader wasn’t exactly keen on Sokka courting his daughter. Not that Sokka righteously cared; he liked Yue, but more than that, he felt sorry for her, as she was no more than a trophy to her ungrateful fiancé. A smart, pretty girl like that just pawned off to some jerk… he thought with a disdainful snort. I just want her to be treated like she deserves...

“Sokka!” A goofy grin split the boy’s face as he caught Yue’s whisper prancing on the wind. Snow flew up in flurries as he whirled on his heels; he then cried out in alarm as he slipped on its slick surface, pinwheeling his arms and snow crunching loudly under his boots as he struggled to stabilize his body. Yue giggled girlishly as she watched him fumble with himself before scurrying over to grab his arm and steady him. “Careful. We don’t want to get caught.” Sokka could see the enlivened glint in her clear ice-blue eyes; the fact they were rebelling riveted her.

“Yeah,” he laughed sheepishly. He smiled shyly at her as he rubbed at the back of his neck. His expression melted like snow on the oncoming of spring; she was just so beautiful, so kind, so perfect. Yue’s cheeks rosied under his adoring gaze, and she bashfully clasped her mittened hands together and swayed from side to side. Sokka’s eyes tracked a course down her face to fall to her neck; as soon as they hit the bridal necklace clasped around her throat, a sourness spread across his tongue. He cleared his throat and ripped his gaze away. He was determined not to ruin the evening contemplating the inevitability of their heartbreak; he would live in the moment, for as many moments as he could.

He clapped his hands over his mouth to swallow an ear-splitting shriek as Yue suddenly yanked his overcoat and shirt back to dump a handful of snow down them. He hissed and writhed and wriggled as Yue laughed mirthfully. Clumps of snow slid down his spine to fall in half-melted clumps from the hem of his coat. Back stinging with the cold, he whirled on her with a grin he most desperately was trying to morph into a scowl.

“Yue!”

“What?” she asked with an innocent flutter of her white lashes. “You said we were playing in the snow…” Sokka’s lips curled in on themselves as he struggled to maintain a scolding demeanor, but he just couldn’t with Yue looking so amused and proud of herself. That’s it; that’s the look he wanted to see on her face. Joy, fun, freedom- Yue deserved all those and so much more.

“Fine. You wanna play in the snow? Let’s play in the snow.” As Sokka dove down to fling a pile of the white powder up into her face, Yue gasped. The snow exploded against her face to instantly chill her cheeks and clump to her lashes. The Water Tribe princess hissed in displeasure. However, in the next second, she chuckled elatedly and fumbling down to try and return the favor. “Nope! Gotta catch me!” he called, quietly so as not to awaken the slumbering denizens around them, before darting off.

The night became a symphony of crunching snow, uncontrollable giggles, and barely-suppressed shrieks of delight. Eventually, the fine powder dusted them from head to toe like powdered sugar pastries, and their hot breath steamed in the chill of the cold morning. Sokka collapsed on his back in the snow to lazily carve a snow angel into the drift; his blood pumped to hotly in his veins for the cold to breach the barrier of his skin. Yue kneeled beside him. Both of them gazed up at the bright full moon with smiles on their faces.

“Yue,” Sokka said suddenly, looking at her. She hummed inquisitively, turning those eyes like clear ice on his own like the deep waters of a glacial river. “Did you have fun?”

“I did,” she replied earnestly. Her smile illuminated the deep dark of the night, pristine white teeth catching the moonbeams to reflect them tenfold. “Sometimes I get so caught up in my duties as a princess I forget to enjoy myself every once in a while.”

“Yeah, you should.” He rolled onto his side with a haughty pout. His curled fist pressed into his waist as he regarded her adamantly. “You deserve to have freedom just like everyone else.” Yue’s eyes dropped down to her lap, the edges of her smile drooping as sadness encroached upon the momentary bliss. Whether Sokka brought up her dismal situation or not, Yue’s smile always ended up like that- hollow, longing, resignated.

“No matter how much I wish to be a normal girl, I have a duty to the tribe. If I can fulfill that duty to the best of my ability, I will be happy.” A flicker in her eyes revealed the doubt swimming deep within her being. The snow squeaked when Sokka pushed his body up; white powder rained from his form as he scooched close to her, the side of his body molding with the fluffy layers of her overcoat to press against the skin beneath. Her eyes drifted to his, finding them both warm and regretful.

“You will be.” Yue’s ivory eyebrows inched up her forehead as hope seeped back into her features. “I know you will. You’re already a fantastic princess who cares so much about her people.” His mittened hands took hers, folding them over to hold them tenderly. “You’re gonna be the happiest girl in the whole Northern Water Tribe.”

“Sokka…” Her breath misted before his face, materializing the ghost of his whisper. She then snickered, dropping her head down as she squeezed her eyes shut from the sheer elation and slight embarrassment. “You give really good pep talks.”

“Why, thank you! Just another one of my many talents,” he boasted. She smiled gratefully at him, peering up at him through her lashes. Sokka gazed deeply into her eyes, marveling the way happiness made them gleam all the brighter, until his eyes slowly drifted down to her pretty pink lips. He debated kissing her, for a second. Perhaps Yue sensed it, because she took that moment to retract her hands from between his. The warmth left his palms and cold invaded, gnawing into the flesh with a vengeance. He looked at her with knitted eyebrows when she rose and brushed as much of the snow from her blue fur-lined dress as she could.

“I should get back to the palace.” A numbness crept into Sokka’s body, but he didn’t know if it was the chill of the snow and wind or her hollow statement. He said nothing as she stoically left the clearing, only watched until she melted into the shadows of the streets and buildings, like a phantom fleeing the inevitable oncoming of the sun.

Sokka released the groan he had been holding, craning his neck back to stare mournfully at the Milky Way glimmering in the inky night sky above. Guilt gnawed at his belly; how could he have given her false hope like that? What happiness could a marriage built from politics, not love, bring Yue? None, that’s what. It was a pipe dream, a crumbling foothold for a girl dangling over the precipice of despair- a momentary respite only doomed to fail.

Still, if a little white lie brought Yue’s smile back… Sokka would tell as many as necessary. He watched the snow flurries dance over his head through lidded eyes. He’d return to their lodgings when the cold finally forced him to seek shelter- but for a while, he would watch those white snowflakes, white ghosts, white lies, spiral up into the abyss of futile fantasies.

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

#yukka #yue x sokka #sokka x yue #avatar #atla #atla fanfic #atla fanfiction

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fightevilandthengetblownup · 4 years

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FIC: Right Here On The Ground

---

Of course, those voices would be extra loud that morning.

Of all days, they had to creep and hiss from the corners of the room she couldn’t see with her head pressed against the warm, firm chest beneath her. Violent threats and cries that she couldn’t escape the inevitable forever in that soft woman’s voice tinged with ice. Heated remarks in the male’s growl that she wasn’t supposed to be there, that she was due for greater things, that she shouldn’t run from him anymore. And both eventually snarling the words that would make her skin break out in goosebumps regardless of the warm hands running gently down her arms and back - that she was supposed to be dead like him if it weren’t for them, that she owed her life to them and her body in turn, that they could give her him if she just did what she was made for.

Jo wished desperately her brain and mouth could connect and hiss just as sharply back that she was where she was supposed to be and her life was as full as it ever needed to be in the warm embrace and those soft, warm soothing words that brushed through her hair and the heavy thump of heart against her ear, but today? Those words even if they had formed felt harder to think and push back against them. Today it felt like she had forsaken more than just some twisted plan of a crazed goddess and her peon. Today it felt like she was continuing to reject a chance at having him back in her life.

Tears pricked the edge of her eyes as the warm touch of Grey’s hands stroked through her hair gently, and blinking rapidly to clear them, Jo endured the time until her lips and hands and the rest of her finally returned to her own control as those voices receded and her real morning could start. Lifting a hand to rub at them, wiping the wetness away with a tiny yawn and under the pretense of wiping the crumbs of sleep away from her eyes, Jo tilted her head up to look towards her warm, breathing pillow with as much of a smile as she could manage that day of all days.

“Mornin’ hun.” She croaked the words out softly, desperate not to break the spell that came from the soft morning light creeping through the window and the way those blue eyes were always so alert and concerned but overflowing with love in a morning. If she spoke too loud, maybe the magic would break or the fall would drop out from under her feet. “Didja get any sleep ‘t all?”

“How could I sleep when I’ve got the most beautiful woman in the world in my arms?” Grey’s voice was equally quiet, the gentlest of words washing over her as he moved his hands to wrap around her and pull her gently up the bed towards him, hugging her tightly.

“You’re bein’ ridiculous.”

“Not so at all, pretty one. Did you.. sleep well?”

“I always do with you by my side, hun.”

“Well then, that’s all I need to hear to have had a good night’s rest.”

Jo felt a tiny laugh on the tip of her tongue and about to fall from her lips when she realized just how much she’d usually be doing that in the time she spent wrapped up in his arms. And just how much she couldn’t bring herself to today of all days.

Swallowing the sound in her throat with a harsh gulp, Jo’s lips twitched into the tiniest smile in one corner as she looked at his own warm smile. The dark circles under his eyes would fade by the afternoon if their usual patterns the last week had been any precedent when Jo would jostle and cajole him to take a nap while she took their fluffy baby for a run. Most days she came home with a coffee for each of them and they’d sip sat beside one another on the back steps watching Nana frolic in the sunshine chasing butterflies or all number of things. Blinking away the last remnants of those horrible voices as his fingers stroked through her hair, Jo thought maybe she’d like some two-legged company on her walk that day though.

“Jo?” Grey’s voice cut through her thoughts, and, blinking rapidly, she realized she must have been quiet just that little bit too long as those blue eyes softened and filled with concern and caution rather than just love. “You alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Jo replied quickly, just the subtle emptiness of her tone belighting the lie to those words so clearly for once. She watched that concern bleed quickly into worry, and as Grey’s fingers tightened for all of a moment against her she thought about voicing aloud that those words would never be true on this date. Instead of the truth, though, she swallowed that honesty down with a harsh gulp and pushed herself to sit up breaking that morning magic as she shifted to throw her feet over the edge of the bed. “Just thinkin’. Did you want the shower first or me?”

“Jo-”

“Well, if you’re not callin’ dibs, I’m takin’ it.”

“..Jo..”

“Oh, I got that new body wash last week - I’m gonna try that today!”

Jo pushed herself off the bed and moved quickly checked her phone as she chattered vacantly rather than giving the chance for the other to peel under that layer and see what a hollow skeleton she was underneath. Chancing a glance back at him as she set her phone back down - twenty notifications and a few emails she’d need to get back to later - the blonde bit down on her lip at the sheer worry and concern and care rolling off of the other in waves. Grey’s eyes were fixed on her every move, drinking in the cool mask of her face and the way her stomach muscles twitched sharply giving up her secrets as she twisted away from him.

“Are you doin’ breakfast or did you want me to do some after my shower? Oh, I feel like panca-” Jo found herself chattering her way into those damn thoughts again, her mind catching up to her mouth with a pained screech as she thought about just why she wanted pancakes of all things today. But she’d not had them how she loved them best in more than two decades at this rate so far as her disjointed time could count. She hadn’t had those flat, dense pancakes made in that old cast iron skillet that let the sides catch to a far darker, almost black color on the laced edges; those pancakes that had little fork marks added and stabbed into them as they cooked and were basted in maple syrup while still in the pan itself so the syrup would soak them through entirely; those pancakes that were only half about all those bits and the rest the fact that they got delivered to her plate, one by one, and each one accompanied by a smile and some joke teasing her that she’d eat them out of house and home at the rate she was going as she gorged herself to the point of nausea and beyond just to have one more moment of his attention as he would dote on her. Shaking her head rapidly, Jo bit down on the words and instead finished quietly, “Actually, maybe just some toast. I don’t feel great all of a sudden.”

“How about I get something ready while you... get ready for the day, Jo?” Grey’s voice was closer than the bed, and blinking Jo was unsurprised to feel his hand rubbing her arm gently as the shadow was stood right beside her and looking down at her with that warm glow of care that was so close to what she needed right then, that Jo found herself nodding gently before heading to the shower where she could pretend it was just the shower raining down on her cheeks and block out any thought of sickly sweet pancakes and warm smiles in a waft of vanilla and steam.

---

The morning so far had been a collection of starts and stops for her.

Getting out of the shower, Jo had pulled on the worn men’s flannel she’d gotten from Dean a while back that smelt of gunpowder and the heavy leather jacket that wasn’t quite right but tickled her nose just right that she kept forgetting to wash it over her tank top and jeans to suit the cloudy cool weather outside that matched her mood perfectly. She could even hear the soft patter of rain on the window panes and the roof as she brushed her teeth and tied her damp hair up into a ponytail that left a wet mark between her shoulder blades.

When she got to the foot of the stairs, however, she’d not been able to keep back the small smile at the warm, fluffy greeting as Nana wound her way through Jo’s legs and pressed her back against the wall demanding cuddles with two big paws on her stomach. That smile felt painful as soon as the moment of cuddles and love had passed, and she’d had to fight that sharp stab in her stomach as Nana’s paws patted at her again that laughter and smiles weren’t right today before she shook it off to lavish her baby with the attention she deserved no matter the day.

The smile had slid from her face pretty quickly, but there was something in the way Grey’s eyes caught hers and smiled widely at her in the crinkles of them but not his lips that helped soothe that worry a little bit. She was barely surprised to see that he’d made those almost impossible omelets again today instead of just dry toast - something as far removed from the dense thick, cloying sugary dish her heart craved, but that filled her with warmth as she slowly ate her breakfast between sips of coffee all the same. It felt strange the quietness in the room, but not wrong for her even if she could feel a knot building in her stomach that Grey might be uncomfortable with her silence other than the softly whispered thanks at his handing her her breakfast, but she couldn’t think of anything to say that would break it without breaking her open for his rifling.

Jo’d barely noticed she’d finished her meal, or that Grey had finished his own, and didn’t even look up from her coffee mug until the gentle clearing of a throat broke through.

“So, I was, uh, that is to say - I was thinking I’d get some chores done today, maybe do..some drawing and stuff. If the mood strikes, that is.” His voice was like cotton wool balls, packing peanuts and bubble wrap, spinning about her and wrapping her thoughts up carefully from drifting anywhere unprotected as she raised her eyes from the empty bottom of her mug to the gentle smile on the other’s face. It was the soft cocoon she needed, offering her his time and flexibility in a way she could never remember anyone else doing since she’d left the Roadhouse and that ever-supportive tone from the best friend that came before him. Her lips twitched to smile in return for the tiniest of moments as she nodded her head in time with his own. “Okay cool. Well, I’ve got the dishes to do in here - did you want another coffee?”

Jo nodded again. The excuse was perfect for her to stay seated and listen to the quiet clatter of cutlery and crockery, the splash of water and that quiet unconscious humming as the other started cleaning up as soon as he’d refilled her mug to her liking. The excuse to stay close but not smothered, not pressured, not forced to fake a smile or pretend she was okay like it had been back in the day when she’d work the bar and refuse to let the condolences and stories she’d hear battered across the dusty, grimy wooden floors worm their way past her mask. The excuse not to try so hard.

Grey had almost finished when Nana padded through the kitchen from the hall and started to scratch at the back door, the clear desire to go out to do her business that couldn’t wait for the soft drizzle of rain to pass.

“I’ll take her out.” Jo found her voice finally cracking through the air, and as she pushed her chair back she found herself being circled and barked at quietly by her darling girl until the back door and fly screen were both open to free the dog to the drizzling backyard. “Ugh, she’s goin’ to smell bad-”

“Why don’t you give her a bath after? Have a girls day?” Grey’s voice called over to her as Jo moved to stand in the doorway under the eaves, just out of the path of the rainfall but close enough to get the cold bite of it on her nose and cheeks. “I know she’s due for one as it is.”

Jo found herself smiling despite herself at the idea as she watched the speckled dog snuffling about at the wet grass and the bright greens of the flowers finally blooming again since last November, now that their season had finally actually come. Nana barked at the odd squirrel that ran across the branches of the big tree and then across the cold tin roof of the garden shed, and she found herself laughing quietly at the dog’s antics in a way that she knew there would be that warm baritone joining her if her father had been there.

When the dog had finally done her business and found the cold weather too much for this time of year to stay out in the wet, Jo found herself laughing again at the fuss the dog made at wiping her dirty paws on the mat at the door. Nana truly took after her daddy with her antics sometimes and shutting the door with a final gust of cool air to her face, the blonde slowly cajoled the damp, fluffy, smelly dog upstairs for a hot bath as she noticed Grey pulling out the mop to wipe up what few doggy footprints were left in the doorway.

It was usually a bit of a chore trying to wrestle the giant pooch into the bath and then keeping her under control in the warm water to get properly washed up, but today it was exactly the kind of physical distraction Jo needed as soon as she’d shrugged off her flannel and left it out on the bed to avoid getting it smelling like wet dog and the doggy shampoo. Working the knots out of her baby’s fur, squealing loudly when the thwump of the wet tail would splash her with soapy water, and just generally struggling to keep the excitable dog inside of the bathtub rather than running around the cramped space of the bathroom took up almost an hour that not once did Jo’s mind drift from the work at hand or to what day it was.

She had jumped in the shower quickly while the dog rolled about on the bathmat and her doggy towel before the knock on the door made her jump. “Come in!” Jo called out, her voice light for the first time that morning, as she slowly turned the water. “But watch Nana doesn’t run out.”

“Ooph, thanks for the warning.” Grey’s voice cut through the quiet whining of the dog and the whir of the exhaust fan as she got out of the shower, smiling as she watched her two loves battling for the doorway. “ Don’t want her rubbing herself on either of the beds like this.” He added with a quiet chuckle, looking around the soapy, wet floor and the splashes of soap suds that clung to the walls. “It looks like you two had fun.”

“Oh we totally, totally did, didn’t we baby? Yes we did, who had lots of fun, was it us? Yes it was.” Jo found herself bending over to snuggle into the dopey, wet dog scent of her baby’s face as Nana’d turned to run back to her feet for cuddles as soon as she’d gotten the towel wrapped around herself; voice soft, warm and teasing as she ran her hands over the thick, clean fur. Her babying voice bounced off the tile around them, as did the happy pants from the dog as Jo pet her. “Did we make a mess, bubby? Yes we did, didn’t we?”

“Yes, you certainly did!” “We had such fun, gettin’ Nana all clean-” “I can see that.” “If only cleaning was as fun.” “Well, you go get dressed and start drying her off properly, and I’ll get this cleaned up for you instead then.”

“Oh,” Jo found herself freezing at the other’s offer, glancing up through the limp strands of her hair to see the soft look on Grey’s features. She felt her heart leap catching his eye that this felt just the same as those soft, caring looks she was missing so sharply today; like there was someone who would always be there to care for her, to protect her, and to support her no matter what, even if it came from a completely different type of love. Her stomach twisted at the sharp jerk of that realization even as the boisterous dog continued to roll up against her towel-covered thighs and Grey moved about the space to grab the cleaning rag. “I... I can do-”

“By the time your dressed and gotten the little princess here all soft and fluffy and dry, this will all be done and you know it.” Grey’s words were soft but the tone was firm underneath, and the determined line of his lips as Jo caught his eye again she knew that he wouldn’t hear any other suggestion.

Bowing her head, Jo headed back to their bedroom to get dressed while she heard Grey continue to keep their four-legged baby busy while Jo threw back on the flannel that smelled like an old lost home for her but just a pair of leggings instead of getting fully dressed again when she was just going to get covered in fur.

Fetching Nana from the bathroom to take her down to the laundry for a blow-dry of her soft, clean fur, Jo wasn’t even surprised to see most of the mess already taken care of by the dexterous hands of her love. As the two girls settled in the laundry and Jo began drying, brushing and grooming the other properly, she could feel that tight knot in her stomach brush away as easy as the tangles in the dog’s fur under her careful attention. The tight feeling falling away as she let her mind numb all over again into the motions, and not settling on any fixed thought as she made her baby’s silky locks as beautiful as they could be all the way through to lunchtime.

---

It shouldn’t have surprised her to get the call as they’d tucked into the fried noodles full of vegetables she rarely ate outside of this type of dish. She should have known it was coming. The annual ‘check-up’ call, which never really felt like it was a call for her benefit actually. More like he needed the chance to say even anything about one of the many friends lost to the life.

“Didja get my email ‘bout the thing over in Memphis?” Jo asked softly around a mouthful of noodles, trying for a smile across at the other as she waved her fork at the dish and gave a thumbs up of appreciation. “I got no fuckin’ clue-”

“Girlie, you best no be planning to go throwing yourself into that headfirst.” The tinny voice came through the loudspeaker of the phone sat on the table beside her elbow. Bobby’s voice was rough and hard, and if Jo didn’t know better she would have thought it sounded normal. Like he hadn’t spent the morning using the one defining and memorable dates of a fallen comrade to reflect on them all at the bottom of a bottle. “Fuck knows what it is.”

“I mean, I’d take Garth with me-” “You can’t just take someone else with you and think that fixes everything!” “Why not? Garth’s even got some bonuses over the rest of us. So long as it’s not his time of the month.” “Ugh, must you call it that?”

Jo actually found herself chuckling there, thinking on just how fun it was to connect her lupine friend’s monthly infection to the annoyance of her period now that they’d worked out how best to keep him under control before the surprised sound through the phone caught her off guard at the fact she’d let the laughter out.

“Jo?” “I.. Sorry Bobby.”

There was a pause then through the phone, and as she looked through her lashes she could see the pause also reflected on the look on Grey’s face, before the tinny sound of a cough. Bobby’s voice floated back up through then, softer but somehow warmer than it had been before. “Nothing to apologize for, girlie. You two really hav’a way of making the best of the situation.”

“Well, somebody oughta.” Jo replied petulantly, poking at her bowl of moo goo gai pan as she shook her head to herself. “Anyways, Garth might be able to come up with somethin’ someone else might miss.”

“What’s the signs anyway?” The question didn’t come through the phone that time, but Grey’s question bounced through and around anyway - tone rough and tight like he didn’t really want to ask, but also couldn’t help himself but ask and possibly be helpful. Jo raised a brow at him, getting a shoulder shrug in return as he swallowed a mouthful of mushrooms, before adding. “What? I might be able to help.”

“Pretty much? Exsanguination of about ten co-eds from-” “It’s not-” “No, hun, it’s not him.” “Can I finish my description now?”

The blonde found herself biting back another smile as she chewed on a thin piece of chicken as the other hunter cut back in after their interruption of his description. She’d known exactly where the other’s mind would go first of all - not that it was like the other shadow ever bothered actually draining his victims of blood as intentionally as this case - but nodded along as if the other hunter could see her as he ran through the rest of the case notes. It was a strange one alright, and if it weren’t for there being no signs of bites on the bodies she would have thought it was just a vampire coven. Garth had been the one to flag it, and Jo trusted that between her and the other hunter they could get to the bottom of it - but needed to do some research groundwork first rather than go in blind. And emotional in her case.

As Bobby and Grey bartered back and forth with a few suggestions and then a general agreement that whatever it was seemed dangerous enough to require a second hunter with Jo, she could feel that tug again. The one from the bathroom. Catching Grey’s eye, she found herself blushing and feeling a little queasy all over again before Bobby’s voice bouncing out of the phone caught her attention and twisted that sharp blade all over again.

“Now I get you like the fun, weird cases, Joanna Beth, but I want you to promise you’ll be careful-” Bobby’s voice was tight and filled with something undefinable but the same quality that she used to hear the growled deep words that ‘I love you, Joanna Beth, but you must be more careful’ every time she came home with a new bump or scratch. “-Garth’s a good hunter, a damn good one. And you’re one of the best of your generation. But all it takes is-”

“One wrong step.” Jo finished for him gently with a harsh intake of breath and that prickle at her eyes as she did so. She could hear something of the same from the other end of the line.

Bobby had heard those words, the confession, from the one that pulled the trigger all those years ago. And he had been the one to tell Jo the harder details no one else felt the need to tell her that first year she’d been out on her own and blown into his salvage yard like a battered doll in need of stitches and care. Bobby had been the one to tell her to story, the one he got from the horse’s mouth as it were, and able to tell her with the same self-hatred that the Winchester had told him as he spoke about how one slide of the foot, or one recommendation of a person, could cause such destruction.

She found herself coughing quietly as she moved the topic on, asking how the wonderful woman Bobby brought to her birthday was and managing to draw Grey into the teasing that would hopefully keep the other hunter from falling down that pit that all of their acquaintance seemed to stand on the edge of; but her mind stayed focused on that small moment. The small acknowledgment that today had been blighted by one small accident so many years ago, a tiny rock was thrown into the lake of time by the shift of a foot across the ground. And yet the ripples still ghosted across the surface so clearly, even now.

---

It wasn’t until late in the afternoon that there was a break in the clouds long enough for Jo to suggest they go for a walk. Not that she really felt it was needed, but the crisp air on her skin might make her feel more connected to the now than the way her mind had been drifting since lunchtime.

Jo had found herself camping out on the couch with a few old dusty books, trying to continue her research for the next hunt; but mostly just found herself running her fingers over those jagged, sharp, almost illegible writing that she knew even better than her own handwriting.

Today was probably not the day she should have been reading one of his old journals, but with Nana’s warm, soft body pressed up against her side as the dog dozed and the quiet support from the other armchair of the odd frustrated noise and the familiar sound of pencil on paper, something had been telling her now was the time to do so. To dive deep in the five journals she’d recovered from her father’s locker, all except his last one which Jo had kept secret from her mother after John brought it and his leather jacket home that one last time. Thinking on that, Jo had turned her nose to breathe deeply against the shirt that was slowly losing that smell the more she wore it. It wasn’t the same but it was close. Close enough for her to close her eyes and fade back into that warm embrace of memory if she tried hard enough and felt safe enough like she did with that warm heat to her side and the never-ending support bleeding out in the air from her love.

She’d spent hours, as the rain continued to batter against the window - sometimes hard and fierce the way her heart would clench tight and sharp and painful in her chest, and sometimes soft and gentle and quiet like the softest whisper of her name in her memories as she stroked the dates and times and names written in faded, dried ink under her fingertips - just pouring through the journals as if something would give her anything. A hint, a clue, or maybe just a reason to justify spending so long staring at the words of a dead man that cut like a tiny paper cuts that healed in seconds from the very next word.

Jo had noticed the almost restlessness from the other throughout the afternoon, and she could feel a pit growing in her tummy and gnawing at her that she was.keeping him from doing something else. He moved quietly around and in-and-out of the room, but there was an underlying tension in his movements that let her know he was keeping an eye on her every move out of the corner of his eye. Keeping a watch out for any sign she needed something from him, that she was struggling. It would have felt overbearing from anyone else, but from Grey, it just made her stomach flip flop happily to know he cared for her so much. She had watched him in return, as surreptitiously as possible, as he made his way around the room - tidying this or that - or re-reorganized their DVD collection, or even when he pulled a chair up to the window and sat sketching whatever caught his eye in the grey world outside.

As the clouds finally parted and illuminated the world outside in golden sunshine in the last hour of sun for that day, Jo had finally crawled her way out from the heavy warmth of their pup and stretched carefully for a moment as she set the latest journal down on the coffee table.

“You wanna come on a walk, hun?” She asked gently as she bent here and there, twisting her arms and back around as she limbered up from the tight ball she’d been scrunched up to. Jo really needed to work on how she sat, but it was the comfiest position to spend wrapped up around the fluffy comfort of their dog, and if Grey had been stationary long enough, Jo would have curled up likewise against him as well. “Before the sun goes down?”

“Sounds like a great idea, Jo.” The words were an immediate response, and the way he just shut the sketc book he was working in let Jo know that Grey hadn’t really even been doing anything. He had just been watching her. Caring for her. And Jo’s heart felt like it couldn’t grow any bigger at that realization. Brushing his hands off on his jeans, the other smiled that look at her that always made her smile dopily back in return - though she barely cracked more than the twitch of the lips today. “How about you go get dressed, and I’ll get Nana’s collar and leash?”

“Thanks hun.” The reply was automatic, and would usually come with a smile, but they both knew today wasn’t really that much for smiles. And especially not when Jo had spent the afternoon pouring through the very life of the man missing from that day for years. It took all of three minutes for Jo to store his journals away into her study, and change into the faded grey and black jogger set she’d started to wear for her walks even if she didn’t think she’d end up doing any of the running or jogging she usually did with both dog and man in tow.

When she got downstairs again, she wasn’t at all surprised to see Nana bouncing about in her own little doggy dance of excitement at the door as Grey held onto her leash.

“She seems a little too excited, don’tcha think hun?” “Well, it has been raining all day.” “That’s true.”

“And, she will probably get to find some slugs or snails out to eat knowing her,” Grey added in a teasing tone as Jo pulled her hair back into another ponytail and he cracked the door open. She couldn’t hold back the laugh that joke got out of her as she spotted the fake disgusted look on the other’s face as they headed out. It was just the right thing for him to say right then as they turned on the path that would take them towards the lakefront. He always knew how to make her feel better.

Swinging her hands beside herself as they walked in companionable silence, Jo wasn’t surprised to feel his slide into hers between them and threaded her fingers through his own in response. Glancing out the side of her eye, she could feel that same safe feeling rush through her as his blue eyes met her brown ones filled with warmth and support. Looking away quickly, blinking rapidly, Jo let out a soft sigh as she caught the sun through her hair and felt like maybe more than just the clouds were parted now. Maybe there was always going to be someone there to make her feel like home again the way that warm smile, broad arms, and rough leather had.

---

It wasn’t until bedtime that Jo could put her finger on what felt so different about the day.

“You... you haven’t asked ‘bout it at all,” The words fell out of her lips as soon as she realized it, cuddled up into her love’s side with a book held between her fingers while Grey was tapping away on his game device playing that cute little game he enjoyed so much lately.

It surprised her to realize, but aside from one question to draw her attention in the morning the other hadn’t asked her once how she was feeling. He had not once asked her about her thoughts or feelings, he hadn’t asked her if she was okay, and most importantly he hadn’t told her once ‘how sorry’ he was for her. He’d treated her softly, that was obvious, but Grey had not pushed the issue. He had not tried to get her to talk if she didn’t want to, he had not said ‘its okay to cry’, he had not said any of the many tired cliches she’d heard over the years from school counselors and teachers, hunters and the overbearing mothers’ of the girls in her classes before she’d destroyed those friendships. He had been as quiet as her, and as reflective as she had been, and he had let her move through the day on her own in a way Jo never once remembered being allowed to do so.

He had let her breathe for once in her life.

There was a pause, and Jo could hear it in the lack of finger pressing and the soft repeated musical tone of his game, that Grey was thinking carefully what to say and how to say it.

“You didn’t talk.” He finally replied, soft as silk and gentle as moonlight, as he slowly moved to set his game down on the bedside table before those blue eyes were focused onto her. Grey paused for a moment again, before adding gently, “You don’t have to always talk, and I don’t have to always ask. Sometimes we can just be, and that might be enough or what you need.”

The idea bounced around her head for a moment as she blinked up at him slowly, processing the words and the intent behind them. The fact that Grey had known she needed time and space for herself through her lack of talk, but that she needed him and his support even if she couldn’t voice it. That he knew without words what she needed from him more than anything was just his presence by her side. A firm, unwavering and unfaltering, pillar for her to wrap her May pole feelings around in a silent dance - weaving in and out of her own feelings and her own separation - without once bowing or breaking under the pressure of her need. That all she needed was him to get through the day without him.

Those prickles were back, and this time Jo couldn’t and wouldn’t fight the welling of her eyes as she tucked her head against his chest and finally let out that last, tight breath, that had been stuck under her lungs all day. That tight knot that had welled in her stomach and caught over and over, each time she realized that even though he was gone and that for once? She had people to fill the ache of his absence without tearing at that hole further, without breaking that space apart or forcing it to bend for them. She had someone who would protect her, care for her, love her and watch out for her, even from herself, and someone who did all that and so much more now.

Jo rubbed her face against his chest as the few tears fell, not many but more than she had spilled on this day ever, and the lightness of her heart as she finally pulled back to see the love pouring out and filling her up from Grey’s eyes, she finally smiled as widely as she usually would. Her own eyes filled with tears of both loss and happiness as she could feel the first stitch on her heart starting to pull that hole back together after all that time.

---

#cc #ca #jopov

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