#irrational-shutin

[quirkthieves]

anyway. ACTUAL last post. i deleted most of the posts abt the situation including the original . im going to leave up my actual statement addressing it but otherwise thats it. this is petty and stupid and im removing myself from the situation because im not going to continue trying to argue with a brick wall thats convinced im an irrational rabid crazy bitch. i know what i said and ill stand by it but no internet roleplay drama is worth having both my tremors and past history regarding certain substances mocked by a tumblr shutin. take the w and put it on your trophy wall get your medal or whatever it is there is to gain here but im backing down. not a hill worth dying on. ✌️🫡 im vlad tepeş iii and i will not let this be my ottoman empire

anyway, to everyone else, im hoping to resume normal rp activity here soon! its been storming here so ive been migraining. peace and love xoxo

[c0lloidcrystal]

im losing it. like. im actually fucking losing it. i can note how much more extreme and irrational my thought processes and emotions have gotten and im scared. these frequent intrusive thoughts have definitely been on an incline. now theyre almost constant. i feel like my thoughts are barely even coherent or functional anymore. whats breaking me? being a shutin? having 1 irl friend that i barely ever see? is my brain just deteriorating and theres nothing i can do? is this because of her? this isnt like me. this is what ive been for the past months by now, probably even a year, even if just a little at first, and it was gradual, but its definitely different. what even am i anymore. its weird to think that my interests used to just be interests and not a stall for when id next suddenly become aware of how shitty i constantly feel and have impulsive suicidal ramblings flooding my head again. people being even somewhat upset with me makes me break completely. and now i cant even form a normal relationship without either being repulsed and barely talking or my nerves being frazzled to shit and a whole rollercoaster of drastic emotions and second guessing. i just want to be remotely likable. i dont want whatever comes out of my mouth to be incoherent word vomit or stupid and obvious mistakes that i go on with for way too long. i dont want to be tone deaf to how im supposed to respond to something. i dont want to be annoying and weird. i dont want to be horribly unrelatable. i dont want to freak people out by acting too familiar. i dont want to sound like a broken record or be painfully awkward and unfunny. i dont want to have violent thoughts or see figures in the corner of my eye anymore. i want people to be right if they imagine me having a normal daily routine.  i hate real life, i hate the internet, i hate the identity ive formed, i hate my brain. i want to start over.

[ladyadrestia]

Royalty, pianos, and love

;;;; ahaksjkajsa love you honey

although i haven’t played the piano in a while so idek why you’re associating that with Me anymore

[hanasaku-shijin]

any charlotte/ange headcanons you'd be willing to share?

Ahhhhhhhhh I can’t think of any off the top of my head. What gets me thinking about headcanons is writing fics for the characters and exploring some details the canon hadn’t shared. Since I haven’t written any fics for it yet, I don’t have any headcanons off the top of my head.

But never fear, I do plan to write at least one fic for them in upcoming weeks/days.

[homuras-homos]

@irrational-shutin soft hands prompt

The first time their hands touched it was in the corridors of NERV headquarters, and it was a touch that had been accidental. Rei had dropped one of her neural-clips onto the floor when she was putting them in, and it bounced towards Asuka, loud enough to draw her attention. Asuka bent over and picked it up. a rare act of kindness on her part, even if it was one born out of necessity. There was an angel somewhere outside and Asuka knew that neither pilot had a moment to spare. She marched out of the change room, Rei following a step behind her. When Asuka stuck her hand behind her for Rei to grab her fallen clip, their hands had touched for a brief moment. It was enough for Asuka to notice how warm and how soft Rei’s hand was, a thought that made her lose concentration for a brief moment before she made herself focus on the immediate crisis.

The next time their hands touched it was deliberate, but still unexpected. Asuka was lashing out against the first person she saw after another synchronization test where Shinji gained ground on Asuka, from his own increased score and from the dip in Asuka’s own score. Rei had given the advice that she would always give; to open up her heart to her Eva. And as always Asuka had not been able to understand how that would help. Rei began to walk out of the locker room while Asuka continued to rant, and in a fit of anger Asuka grabbed her wrist, stopping her. It did stop her in her tracks. Rei did not try to take her hand back, knowing that it would only further infuriate Asuka. Asuka’s hand slid down, off of Rei’s wrist and into her open hand. She threaded her fingers between Rei’s, feeling the delicate skin against hers. Whatever further arguments Asuka had died in her throat, and she looked down at their hands. Rei’s fingers curled over Asuka’s knuckles, the grip solid yet gentle. Rei tilted her head to the side, curious, but did not try to pull away until Asuka finally did it herself.

The argument had been ended, at least for the night.

It was not something that Asuka had wanted. To know how supple Rei’s hands were, and how much comfort they brought with their presence with their sure yet quiet touch. Asuka tried with others; She had grabbed Shinji’s hand in their apartment, forcing her fingers through his. Shinji’s hands were soft, but awkward in Asuka’s grasp, twisting and turning while trying to either find a comfortable grip or to pull away, Asuka couldn’t tell which. The only feelings Asuka felt were dejection and disappointment. He had pulled away the moment that Asuka gave him the chance. Hikari’s hands were also soft, and she was far better at holding hands than Shinji, but the reciprocation seemed forced on Hikari’s part. She had no idea what Asuka needed from the touch.

So Asuka had returned to Rei, silently demanding the comfort that Rei provided. Rei had given it to her just as silently, but completely willingly.

Asuka had been privy to the gentle feeling of Rei’s hands against hers many times before she managed to say something. The brief moments of contact were always somewhere private. The locker room, deserted corridors of NERV, when they went their separate ways back to their own apartments and the street was empty. It had always been silent, neither of them wanting to say anything, nor knowing what to say.

What finally brought Asuka to speak her feelings had been during lunch break at school, when they had managed to find a private spot to enjoy their lunches together, outside and away from any prying eyes. They sat side by side, and Rei had been the first to offer her hand, which Asuka had accepted. Their fingers intertwined as always, Asuka’s thumb on the outside. It glided over the bit of Rei’s hand between the base of her thumb and the wrist, letting Asuka marvel at how smooth Rei’s hands were. A small smile crept onto Rei’s face, matching the one that formed on Asuka’s. It disappeared as soon as it came. Instead Rei made an inquisitive frown, and Asuka knew what Rei was asking. Why? A question that Asuka had thought of and came up with an answer weeks ago, even if she still had trouble accepting the answer herself.

“Because I enjoy the feeling. How your hand feels. You have soft skin, and it feels warmer than I expected. It’s nice.” She paused, and then looked down at their hands again, squeezing her fingers ever so slightly. “And the way you hold my hand, it makes me feel less alone.” She admitted. There was silence from Rei, and when Asuka looked up she could see how deeply she was thinking. The bell rang, summoning them back to class. Neither of them immediately moved though, Rei still thinking and Asuka not wanting to break their contact.   

Eventually Rei spoke, and like her grip on Asuka’s hand, her words were certain but gentle. “I believe I feel the same way. It is hard to know if that is true, but I know that I have a desire to hold your hand, and that I enjoy the feeling when I do hold it.” Rei told her.

Asuka smiled again, then stood up and pulled Rei to her feet. They began walking back to the doors of the school, keeping their hands together for as long as they could. 

[xairathan]

21 and/or 22 for asukyu or asurei

22 Asukyu - Things you said after it was over

The shaking has stopped and the Wunder no longer rocks from side to side, wracked by explosions above and beside, but Asuka can’t seem to shake the stagger from her step. She treads carefully down the halls, avoiding doors knocked ajar and the shambling bodies of her crewmates, wandering blindly through the maze of corridors. Without exception, their eyes are blank, their hands are empty, and their shoulders are bowed. Asuka imagines she might look something like that, if it weren’t for where she was trying to go. Fourteen years of fighting for one singular purpose, then having it taken away, will do that to a person.

Outside the Wunder’s engines are spooling down, and Asuka can hear the stomp of heavy boots on the ceilings above. That’s the ground force, readying for their descent beside the ruined NERV facility, but she knows they won’t really be needed. They’re going into NERV with loaded rifles and gas masks for the same reason Asuka was put into the same EVA as Mari and allowed to fight: so at the end WILLE can say they did it, rather than having to answer with an awkward silence should anyone ask.

It’s over. It’s over, and Asuka will have to settle down in some hammered-together shack in one of the few bits of civilization left. At least she won’t be alone. Asuka rounds a corner and there’s her room, the door knocked open by the force of the Wunder’s shaking. There’s someone there, too- Asuka sees pale hands clutching the edge of the door, a pair of red eyes peering at her from behind it. 

Asuka goes over to Ayanami, feels what’s probably the last impact of the war as the clone’s body slams into hers, arms wrapping around her back. Asuka returns the hug, strokes Ayanami’s hair. In the silence permeating the ship, she can hear the clone’s breathing, measured but fast. She’s not quite scared- she’s probably working past that now, but she’ll find reason to be afraid again. Their victory means a future of living on the surface, mingling with others- Asuka doesn’t see Ayanami doing that.

Maybe Ayanami doesn’t want to see that, either. From the way she buries her face into Asuka’s plugsuit, that’s pretty much certain. Asuka’s fingers pause in her hair, linger, and after a while Ayanami turns her face upward, silently asking Asuka what’s wrong. Asuka picks the clone up in her arms, carries her past the dented door and into her room.

Asuka’s meager collection of clothes has been thrown to the ground; the bed has shifted, and she can see as she walks past the bathroom that the mirror’s cracked. It doesn’t really matter, though. She’ll be moving out of here soon. She’ll be taking Ayanami with her- that was never in question.

Asuka settles the clone on the bed, climbs in beside her. She feels their hands joining under the covers, Ayanami’s eyes on her as Asuka settles down to sleep. Asuka feels when Ayanami shifts to press up against her side, the familiar warmth they share when they’re like this. Asuka rolls over, pulls Ayanami against her. “It’s okay,” she says, and her voice sounds like it’s from fourteen years ago- softer, not that tired of the world. She thinks there might be something more to say, but there isn’t. The more that she’s looking for has snuggled into her arms. 

[lifefibersync]

if you don't mind sounding country, maybe gal?

yea yo gal sounds so country to me

but i think its the closest neutral term 

[warriorsredux]

Hiii, everybody!

Anon #1: Runningwind does actually have a name already! Thank you for the suggestions, though. Once the Redux is ready to begin, I’ll be posting up the allegiances for everyone to look at and evaluate the names.

Anon #2: You know what, that’s a really good idea. I think I’ll do that. I’m glad you brought that to my attention.

spicyteaboxes: (Aaaa, thank you so much! You’re very kind, my friend.)

Once a seer has earned their name - which is only given once their mentor deems them ready, which can take up to two years, unlike warriors - they’re on equal ground with their former mentor. It’s not uncommon for seers to still act under their mentor’s orders, and they’re often introduced as “my apprentice”. This unofficial hierarchy stays consistent, unless the apprentice is much more competent than their mentor and thus earns more respect and command.

A second apprentice is extremely rare, but not for the reason you’d expect. A Clan holds about 35 cats on average, and out of them only 3 or 4 are intelligent enough to take on the role of leadership or seerhood. The rank of seer is extremely taxing and immensely difficult, so you won’t get more than one cat at a time who can handle the job. The next potential seer will likely be born the next generation or the one after that. In the rare event that you get two candidates at the same time, the seer will take them both in and consider it a blessing. If three generations in a row produce seers, you’ll have an older, middle-aged and younger cat all working under the same position.

It’s a good thing that this almost never happens, because the den gets a little crowded after a while.

Anon #3: If a kit is stillborn or dies right after being born, it’s a universal constant to not give them a name. The reasons vary per Clan, but the most consistent ones are because it creates unnecessary attachment and stress for the queen and StarClan clearly wanted that kitten back. Maybe the kitten was going to grow up to be evil or something. It’s not the living’s place to ask.

Either way, it’s a pretty understood fact of life that kittens will die, so there’s not too many tears shed. The funeral is brief and kind, and then the Clan goes on with its life.

irrational-shutin: I can mute, luckily, but it’s just annoying to get that blaring voice over and over when I’m trying to watch a video.

[feelmetal-alchemist]

13, 23, 33, 43, 53, 63, 73, 83, and 93

13. What have others said when they look at your body?

usually something about my weight tbh. good times.

23. Do you have friendships with all genders?

there are like 5000 genders??? like i know this is probably referring to the binary but like??? is this even possible???

33. Do you believe in a New World Order?

i had to google this to find out what it is and it sounds bad so… no?? 

43. How can people tell you are sad?

when i don’t talk to anyone.

53. Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined?

well i was like 4 so it was really gross and uneventful, but i doubt things would be much different now tbh.

63. Do you tell people what you think of them?

most of the time

73. Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting?

not that i know of

83. Are you interested in cults?

no?????

93. Have you been pregnant?

no?????????

[ladyadrestia]

irrational-shutin replied to your post: if you didnt want attention about it maybe you... @anon just bc i am ENTHUSIASTICALLY into my INCREDIBLE girlfriend does not mean that YOU are entitled to more of our personal life than we want to share here

lmao i can’t believe we even have to say this but :-) 

[homuras-homos]

asurei & 3 for that touchy-feely thing

Ahh, I forgot to answer this. Here you go instigator.

3. They know about my past. They know I’m scared of touch, and they’re trying to respect that. I appreciate it, but with them, I just know it would be okay.

As it turned out, the emotional side of their relationship was the easiest for both of them to come to terms with. Both Rei and Asuka wanted to support each other, and they did so quite well. They both wanted to feel loved, and the other made sure that they were. In their own ways, with some misunderstandings between them. Those didn’t matter though, in the end they were simply there for each other.

Physical intimacy, on the other hand, was proving difficult. They could, and had, held each other tightly and long into the night when either of them had been too emotional to care, and just needed to feel like they weren’t alone in the world. The rest of the time was a far different story. Even after the nights which they held each other they would separate themselves when they woke, neither of them used to lingering contact.

The problem was twofold. First of all, Asuka was rather averse to instigating anything more than holding hands with Rei, and even then it was rare and flighty, usually over after a few seconds. It was fear that kept her from doing anything more, fear of hurting Rei and herself by going too far or too fast. Fear that even if she had someone to hold her, she would eventually lose that feeling and thus leave her with a bigger hole in her heart. Even though both her and Rei had promised not to abandon each other, and both intended to keep that promise. So, even though they were deeply in love, a casual observer would be hard pressed to notice that they were together. It was something that Asuka wanted to amend. She thought that if perhaps they grew more comfortable with each other physically, they may grow more confident in their emotions.

Which had led Asuka to her current position, laying on her bed with only a light dress on. Rei sat on a chair beside the bed, brought in from the kitchen. She was similarly dressed to Asuka. Asuka was giving Rei permission to do what she wanted, how she wanted. While she was scared of physical intimacy, she also told herself that it was okay if it was Rei. Asuka knew that Rei would never abandon her. Even if she had doubts about it every day. However letting Rei take the lead was not That ran into the other part of the problem. Rei had no experience with being physically intimate, and suffered the same fears as Asuka did. The act of touching had never been that important to Rei, she had been neither happy nor sad when someone had touched her shoulder or took her hand. Before, at least. Yet she became more scared of it as she realized that she could find herself without Asuka, and would suffer because of that loss.

Rei stared at Asuka, her usual inquisitive frown on her face. Asuka turned her head towards Rei, meeting her frown with an encouraging smile. “Take your time,” She said, repeating it for the third time in ten minutes. It was for the benefit of both of them. Even though she shied away from touching, Rei tilted her head down in a slight nod, and then stood up slowly. She walked over to the bed, placing one of her hands on it to steady herself.

Asuka moved over on the bed to allow Rei to lay down beside her, which she proceeded to do so. First she sat down, then swung her legs onto the sheets, and finally leaned back and rested her head on a pillow beside Asuka’s head. Rei continued to stare at her, her vermillion eyes meeting Asuka’s ultramarines. She inhaled, not wanting to disappoint Asuka. The girl who had screamed, begged, whimpered, asking to be held. Now Rei could do just that, and more if she chose. Asuka splayed out the hand closest to Rei, and waited. As she suspected, Rei began with something she knew. Holding hands. It was easy, simple, known. A way to start and get comfortable.

Rei’s hand met Asuka’s halfway between them, their fingers interlocking gently. Asuka’s skin felt soft and warm on Rei’s palm. She waited for Asuka to flinch, pull her hand away, citing that Rei was doing something wrong. Asuka didn’t though, she merely passively gazed at Rei. Rei did not do anything other than that for half a minute, getting comfortable with the feel of Asuka’s skin. She found herself matching Asuka’s breaths as they continued to lay still. The room was silent aside from the occasional protests from the bed against the added weight, the creak of springs. Asuka gave her hand a slight squeeze, the small bit of feedback a welcome sign for Rei, who took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.

Rei then continued, moving her hand up Asuka’s arm. She took an immaculate time to trace lines between Asuka’s freckles. There was a shiver in Asuka’s arm, and Rei hesitated for a moment, pulling her hand away. Asuka locked eyes with her, giving a nod of the head to show that she was alright. It was merely her body reacting to the unfamiliar sensation. Somewhat hesitantly Rei returned her hand to where it was before, just above the elbow. She continued her journey until she reached Asuka’s shoulder, where she stopped for a moment. Asuka rolled onto her side, getting slightly closer to Rei in the process. She gave another nod to tell Rei that it was alright for her to continue.

Now Rei tucked her arm underneath Asuka’s neck, the hand coming to rest on her back. Rei’s other arm moved to wrap around the top of Asuka. Rei could feel Asuka hold her breath for a moment before exhaling it, and realized a moment later that she too was holding in her breath. She released it slowly, relaxing her tense arms as she did. One of Asuka’s arms moved around Rei’s chest, lower than Rei’s was. Asuka pressed her hand to Rei’s back, watching her reaction carefully. It was the closest that they had held each other on their own volition, when neither of them were breaking down and the other reacted without thinking.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, Asuka catching her breath and Rei becoming comfortable with the sensation of feeling the minute movements from the other girl. Hugging was rather comforting, she noted.   

Then Rei pulled Asuka closer, until their noses practically touched. She entangled her legs with Asuka’s, Asuka reciprocating a moment later, and they held each other tightly. Rei could feel Asuka’s pulse quicken ever so slightly. She bit her lip, taking a closer look at Asuka’s face. Even though Asuka was doing a good job at hiding it, Rei knew that she was nervous from her touch. Rei didn’t pull away though, merely keeping her arms still.

And Asuka was nervous. Not as much as she had feared though. It was Rei, and Rei would never do anything to hurt her purposefully. The slow pace that Rei had taken had helped as well, letting Asuka tell herself that it was alright. Alright to feel happy when Rei held her. She took Rei’s somewhat uncertain expression to mean that she didn’t know what to do, and puckered her lips ever so slightly. Inviting a kiss. Rei leaned in a moment later.

It was a rather chaste kiss. Their lips meeting each other and separating a moment later. Rei’s lips tingled from it though. She had kissed Asuka once, or more accurately Asuka had kissed her. A short time after they had managed to find a word to their feelings for each other. It had been harder, longer, Asuka desperately wanting it. Rei hadn’t. Too shocked, too confused, too overwhelmed, she had pulled away, avoiding Asuka for the next two days until Asuka had apologized, saying that she should have taken it slower.

Rei held Asuka for another minute, wondering what to do now. A small smile had crossed Asuka’s face after the kiss. Rei gulped, feeling uncertainty well up inside her. She wanted to see Asuka smile more, she wanted to make Asuka smile more. Yet even so, she had no desire to go any further with her, nor any knowledge of how to do so. She imagined how disappointed Asuka would be with her because of that.

So she pulled away, suddenly and forcefully. Her arms slid out from around Asuka, and she rolled onto her back before sitting up. Asuka reached out, trying to bring her back in, before she stopped herself, knowing that it might make it worse. Rei turned away from her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“So, is that all you feel comfortable with?” Asuka asked, rolling onto her side to face Rei’s back. Rei turned her head around to look at Asuka, the fear and disappointment palpable on her face. Asuka sat up on her knees, staring eye-to-eye with Rei. She couldn’t read Asuka’s face, but thought she saw some disappointment on it. Rei turned her gaze away from Asuka, then looked down at her knuckles. Her shoulders tensed, and she felt her heart sink. She was worthless, unable to even hold the girl she loved without being afraid of what would happen.  

“Asuka, I know that’s not what you wanted, but-”

“Idiot! That’s all you want, and that’s all I need. Even if you don’t want to get all touchy feely, that’s fine with me. I don’t need that because I know you love me!” Asuka declared quickly, cutting her off. Rei stiffened, clenching her fists, only able to tell that Asuka was upset. Then Asuka was sitting beside her, moving to the side of the bed in an instant. She reached out and touched Rei’s hand, running her thumb over Rei’s knuckle, making her hands relax. Rei glanced over at Asuka again, who was smiling, not scowling as she thought she would be.

Her smile conveyed many things. That Asuka was happy. That Rei was different than other people, and still made her happy in spite of it. Asuka didn’t need to be intimate to know that Rei loved her. The look in Rei’s eye, the smile that only came out when Asuka was around, the way that Rei’s shoulders seemed to shrug off the weight of the world when Asuka was there to support her. All were things that Asuka noticed about Rei that told her that she was making a difference. That Rei loved her and was comfortable around her, and that was more than enough for Asuka. Rei glanced down at where Asuka was covering Rei’s hands, and turned her own hand over, so that their fingers intertwined.

It was small and simple. But it was comforting.     

[xairathan]

ASUKYU!!! GO!!!

ASUKYU! YES! 

Who said “I love you” first

Kyu does, because Asuka is hesitant to do anything that might alter the person who Kyu becomes. Unfortunately Kyu decides to do this in front of Mari, who promptly shouts that they’re in a relationship to the entire ship, because come on Asuka you’re not fooling anyone.

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

One does not have a phone after Third Impact. Asuka totally has a picture of Kyu taped to Unit-02′s cockpit though.

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

Neither, Asuka doesn’t think of it and if Kyu wants to say anything she just walks into the shower and tells Asuka. 

Who buys the other cheesy gifts

One does not simply buy gifts after Third Impact, but Asuka ends up stealing cookies from the kitchen and framing Mari to give them to Kyu. 

Who initiated the first kiss

Kyu did. It was gay. It was super gay. 

Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Asuka. This comes with a minor dose of “let me tickle you awake if kissing doesn’t work” and has led to a few jokes about it from Mari. 

Who starts tickle fights

Kyu tried once. Asuka isn’t really that ticklish. It became very one-sided very quickly.

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

Kyu tends to leave the door open to air out the steam so Asuka doesn’t really need to ask, but the first time this happened Asuka ended up shouting for five minutes about how Kyu shouldn’t leave the door open like that, doesn’t she have any concept of privacy, and Kyu don’t pull me into the shower my clothes are still on

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch

Kyu can’t really go anywhere without being supervised by Asuka, but on the days of sync tests she does persuade Sakura to sneak food out of the cafeteria so she can give it to Asuka. 

Who was nervous and shy on the first date

Kyu was a blushing, stuttering wreck. Fourth Impact? Sure. Identity crisis? Minor panic. First date with Asuka? RED ALERT, ABORT, RUN AWAY.

Who kills/takes out the spiders

There are no spiders on the Wunder. I instead present for your amusement the concept of Kyu burrowing under Asuka’s warm, freshly-done laundry and refusing to come out until it cools down.

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

There’s no alcohol on the Wunder, too. I mean, who would get drunk on a flying ship? I’d also like to point out that Asuka leaves her cat hat with Kyu when she goes out on missions, both so Kyu has a reminder of her and because it’s a promise she’ll come back to claim it. 

[riviia]

I'm sorry you're not feeling great :( If it helps, you're one of my favorite presences on my dash and I appreciate you and your blog

it’s okay, haha it’s nothing new. Thank you so much lovely :)

[scattered-wings]

tell me about your shinkane feels

OH MY GOD WHERE DO I EVEN START? THIS TURNED OUT SO LONG. I AM SO SORRY. I ADDED MORE TOO ON AKANE BUT I CANT GO ON WRITING. SORRY. HOPE THIS ISN’T TOO LONG????

(putting everything under a read more in casesomeone hasn’t seen the movie yet!)

My fuckin god. I missed Kou’s stupid face and his asshole remarks (Akane has learned how to lash back at him! MEHEEHEH). I was worried about his character development turning into a simple criminal counterpart but OH MY GOD IT ACTUALLY TOOK A TURN IN A GOOD DIRECTION! It went wholly south (in a very good way!) but I am very pleased with how the character development was handled for him! First encounter is shakhkhkhdkhl! He was ready to go Bruce Lee on Akane’s tiny ass but he /realized it was her/ and he stopped mid motion and let go and retreated to a safer distance and HEARED HER OUT. I loved that they were given lots of philosophical screentime and MY OTP EVOLVED (though it makes me worried where it was going and is still going!) ;-;!

I was almost biting my keyboard when KOU JUMPED, PUSHED HER DOWN AND PROTECTED HER FROM THE BLAST AS THE ROBOT CAME IN! I also came close to munching my fingers to the marrow when they were in the encampment and he started explaining everything to her and why he ran away from Sybil and ended up here and in the guerilla. THEY WERE SO FUCKING CLOSE! THEY SLEPT NOT TWO FEET AWAY AND STUPID KOU WOULDN’T EVEN PEEK AT HER SLEEPING; I MEAN, WHAT WILLPOWER IS THAT? *breathing intensifies*

I loved, loved, loved when they were talking on the balcony. This is where my Shinkane feels erupted in a spectacle of disgusting fangirling to tears because Akane told him everything about how she thought he looked similar to Shogo when it came to his character (she has evolved her people skills to the point she can COMPARE BUT STILL DIFERENTIATE THEM). He looked as if it stung (he could probably ignore it from someone else but NO IT WAS HER WHO SAID IT) but he kept quiet and listened to it and FUCK YOU MERCENARIES FOR INTERRUPTING SUCH MOMENT WHEN SHE WAS GETTING TO THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HIM AND SHOGO (I think Kougami wanted to say something at that point, but HE WAS INTERRUPTED!?!?) and then we have them in the attack with Kou doing the /thing/ again of separating himself from her in order to protect her from whatever might come for him /just like in the fucking series/ AND THEN THEY BEAT MY BABY KOU TO A PULP AND I WAS ANGRY but it made sense when the Mr.I HAVE CYBORG ARM AND PEG LEG started repeating what Akane said about him being a hound and drawing people to him because of his words, character and charisma (which stung Kou once again). AND MY GOD, WHY IS SYBIL SUCH A DICK? WHY DID THEY HAVE TO BRING SHOGO TO KOU AND HAVE IT SAY THAT KOU WAS A TURNING INTO WHAT HE HATED AND WAS FIGHTING WITH?  

My darling Kou lost it and it was amazing and terrible both. His character development went south because Kou is questioning himself and everything he has fought for until that moment. “THE DEAD SHOULD STAY SILENT” makes me think Kou isn’t ready or might never be ready to hear anyone say that he is turning into Shogo. He wants to rip Sybil’s soul and expose it (just like Shogo wanted to expose and enjoy people’s souls but instead of weapons [which Shogo gave to people] Kou gives words and hope!)

AND NO. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THEY GOT SEPARATED AGAIN. Especially at such a critical moment for Kou and Akane. NO NO NO.ALSO AKANE BECAME MY QUEEN. SHE EVOLVED FROM A NEUTRAL TO A FIERCE LADY WHO WOULD NOT THINK TWICE AT MAKING PEOPLE TWITCH WITH HER WORDS BUT OH MY GOD, SHE WENT WHOLLY BLIND THERE, LIKE SHE THOUGHT SYBIL WOULD USE ALL THE SAME MECHANICS AS BEFORE. WHY MY BBY? WHY? SHE SHOULD’VE HAD AN OPEN MIND I MEAN THIS PLACE IS WAR ZONE AND AN AMPLE TESTING FIELD FOR SYBIL TO DO WHATEVER IT WANTED BUT OTHER THAN THAT MY SWEET CHILD IS GROWN AND IS FIERCER AND MORE COMBAT ABLE AND IS MORE KEEN TO UNDERSTANDING THINGS BUT OH GOD I FEEL FOR HER WANTING TO GO AFTER KOU AND GINO SAYING NO LITTLE BIRD, LET THE HAWK LEAVE THE NEST. I AM CONFLICTED BECAUSE I NOW SHIP BOTH SHINKAE AND GINOKANE? IS THAT THE SHIP NAME?

There. I vented.Thank you ♥

[writinggrayjay]

ask meme tagged by @irrational-shutin

zodiac sign: Pisces

favorite mythical creature: Mythical creature-wise, I’d have to say dragons. Specific mythological animal, I’d have to go with Huginn and Muninn.

dream place to make out w someone: Do what with who now?

where you live: Edmonton Alberta.

where you wish you lived: Got almost everything I want or need right here.

a song that sounds like you: (None, I have a terrible voice). But a song that I can relate to is Birds by the Rail Yard Ghosts.

last book you read and adored: The Discworld series of novels. I love Pratchett’s writing style. 

last film you watched and adored: I’d have to go with the Lord of the Rings, I had to watch it on a ten inch screen after being stuck in a cabin, but they’re good movies so I ain’t complaining. 

a goal you want to attain this year: love... pfft, I wish.

I imply tag all the mutuals who reblog stuff from me.

[bigbaraheart]

orange and white

Orange: 6 facts about my home townwell i’ve moved a lot but the place i call my hometown is the hudson valley so: lost of celebrities have vacation homes on other side of the river (the rich side), we have a bridge dedicated to rip van winkle for some reason, students of bard college are called bardies and are v easy to pick out, yard sale days are town wide and awesome, the hudson is dirty you cannot swim in it i promise, holy cow ice cream is the best ice cream on earth i promise you

White: 3 facts about my personalityim very go with the flow and indecisive, im one of those hopeless romantic loves love types (but im no good at it), and i try hard to be loyal to the people i care about