#is this kind of ugly? yes

[curiosityjams]

JENNIE RUBY JANE The Idol (2023)

[elyfonart]

NO they're not 'having fun' UGH you just dont get it!!!

[macdenlover]

we don’t acknowledge enough how dee used to be a pageant winner when she was a kid and how much damage it did to her. she worked her ass off and got recognition for being pretty and talented at a young age and it was the only source of self esteem she could garner in a family that constantly berated and talked down to her. she sought after that external approval because it was the only way she could prove everyone around her wrong. her dream of being a performer didn’t come from a self-aggrandizing delusion— she genuinely showed a lot of potential when she was younger. but she went through an unflattering puberty and her spinal condition got worse and that natural talent she had as a kid plateaued way too early. the “former gifted kid” dilemma. she slowly lost the thing that promised her that she was good, but she was so desperate to keep holding onto it that she tried anyway. again and again and again no matter how much people made fun of her because it was always about proving them wrong. but after a while she couldn’t jump anymore without anticipating the way it feels when she hits the ground face first. self-sabotage became her way out, choosing to rather live in the fantasy of her own unrealized potential and blaming those around her for her lack of success, than having tried and crashed again. she’d rather buy lottery tickets over and over and never scratch off the numbers than to see that she lost. that self-sabotaging behavior bled into other aspects of her life too, from friendships to relationships to therapy. her own short lived success is what made her grow into embodying the cycle of failure.

[medicalunprofessional]

[nymdraws]

im going to figure out how to draw him if it kills me

[popponn]

why sae is kinda

[hellpinniped]

this old ass stimming soldier in my gallery is haunting me. why are you like this. stawp it

and some spy suggestive thing i did i don’t know . this man uses sock garters sorry

[juuria]

*fist bumps the air like a retired conman doing one of his schemes after a long time* still got it

[non-un-topo]

My Neekeys over the last two-odd years. I was curious to see the changes 🤔

[chettyspagetti]

More of their friendship

[skunkes]

might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.

any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc

[uglyandvengeful]

i feel like i’m the only person who’s lord of the flies playlist doesn’t contain my chemical romance, mitski, mother mother, alex g, tally hall, or sir chloe

[mad-hunts]

starting off this sunday with a sad fact, and that is often whenever barton smells this cinnamon, but as a part of a specific blend with... something else he can't quite identify? barton is reminded of marcy because she used to wear a perfume that had that sort of scent to it.

[hebescus]

the new fuyu no hanashi version slapped so hard i did not expect uenoyama in the higher register right there

[amethystina]

For the ask game, this question please.

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

This one is actually kind of tricky because it depends a lot on what character I'm writing and the circumstances they're in. Like, there are certain characters I feel closer to, or characters who have similar weaknesses and insecurities as I do, which means I'll react stronger whenever those are addressed.

But, overall, I'd say moments that involve a feeling of not being good enough, especially not being a good enough person or not being good enough for a relationship. And it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship — platonic or familial works too. Sometimes, that's even worse, in all honesty.

And that's probably because that's something I've struggled with myself. I had a couple of years during my mid-twenties when I was convinced I was an incredibly selfish and unkind person, simply because that was what I was being told by some of the people around me. We're talking full-on emotional abuse along the lines of: "you're a heartless, selfish bully and you're lucky I put up with you since you're such a terrible person."

And since it was from more than one person — and the people who disagreed didn't know about the abuse and therefore couldn't tell me it was bullshit — I believed them. Clearly, if more than one person tells you that you're not good enough — and those people don't actually know each other and can coordinate an attack — then it must be true, right?

So that kind of storyline always hits very close to home for me, because I know what it's like to genuinely think you're a terrible person who has nothing to contribute to the people around you. And I also know how difficult it can be to overcome, especially if you've lived with it for years. It's rough.

Fun fact: This abuse led to an existential crisis when I joined a Winteriron server on Discord (of all things) and I started talking to new people who, within literal days started challenging my perception of myself. I spent the first couple of weeks terrified of the moment people would stop talking to me because they'd figured out I was a bad person. But, spoiler alert — it never happened. Instead, they did the opposite, turning to me for advice and comfort, and telling me how kind I was.

And the whole thing came crumbling down, rather inconveniently, at 2 AM on my wedding night. Like, I legit asked my newly minted wife — who was trying to sleep — if I was a terrible person because, if I was, I figured she'd know. Or at least deserved to know, considering that she was now married to me. And her reaction was, to my confusion, not a confirmation but something along the lines of: "What the actual fuck? You're one of the kindest, most generous people I know. Why do you think I married you?"

It was, as they say, A Ride.

And my wife has now decided that any future existential crises must be scheduled between 7 AM and 11 PM because she needs her sleep, dammit.

(She's obviously lying — she'd listen even if it happened at 2 AM again)

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[09lover]

“I’m sorry” won’t reach anyone

(I hope it will someday)