#but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person

[skunkes]

might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.

any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc

[briangroth27]

Spooky Short: ValenMine Customer Service

Hello and happy Valentine's Day!

My friend sent me this writing prompt and gave me 30 minutes to come up with the story. I'm not sure where he got it, but if you're reading this & you happen to have created it, thanks (& sorry I was unable to credit you)!

Enjoy this Twilight Zone/Black Mirror-esque Valentine!

Writing Prompt #1,081

You download a dating app that you've never heard of after your friend recommends it. She met her current boyfriend through it and, according to her, he's perfect. She warns you that the sign-up process is a little bit strange, but completely worth it. You shrug and fill out the information, thinking nothing of it. The very next day, a box arrives on your doorstep. You take it inside hesitantly and open it to find an odd array of items inside: a pink elixir, a rose, and some chalk. A notification is sent to your phone shortly after. The app requests that you open it and follow the instructions on the screen: draw a small circle on the floor, think of the perfect partner, and drink the liquid. You do as instructed and, in a gigantic poof of pink smoke, a woman appears in your living room, standing inside the circle. In a few days, you get used to her. She is perfectly nice and makes an effort to plan dates as well as bring you gifts, but you soon realize that she barely eats, doesn't sleep, and doesn't seem to know anything specific about her past. You try to shake off the odd feeling, but then see her face, with a different name, on a missing person poster.

----

—ValenMine Customer Service Inquiry Log #111,459 —

—Pete McNeil, Orlando, FL February 9, 8 AM—

ValenMine Customer - Pete, 2/9, 8:00

What the hell?? If I thought Josie lying completely motionless in bed, watching me sleep (!!), was weird, last night’s discovery is even worse. I mean, I assumed she just fell asleep after I did and somehow managed to wake up before me every day, but whatever; I like attention and it’s been a while. But when we were talking a walk after dinner last night, I saw a missing persons poster WITH HER FACE ON IT. What’s going on here? Who is this woman you conjured up?

ValenMine CS Associate - Sarah, 2/9, 8:40

Hello! We’re happy to hear from you! I’m glad to hear that you’re enjoying the attention you receive from your ValenMine girlfriend! Here at ValenMine, we’ll make you a perfect match!

Pete - 2/9, 8:41

That’s all you have to say?? What about the fact that Josie’s doppelgänger is on a missing persons poster? Where did you find this woman?

Sarah - 2/9, 8:45

If I understand correctly, you’re concerned about your ValenMine girlfriend. Is that correct?

Pete - 2/9, 8:45

What an astute observation.

Sarah - 2/9, 8:46

We here at ValenMine strive to make sure all our users find their happy, blissful ending! Wherever you are, wherever they are, we’ll get you together. At ValenMine, we’ll make you a perfect match!

Pete - 2/9, 8:48

That’s what I’m asking! Where did you meet Josie? I thought she kinda poofed out of nothing. It almost seemed like magic.

Sarah - 2/9, 8:49

We’re happy to hear your experience was magical!

Pete - 2/9, 8:50

But where did you find her?

Sarah - 2/9, 8:51

I’m sorry; our user database is classified. If you want to know more about Josie, we suggest healthy conversation. Studies show that healthy communication is essential for a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.

Pete - 2/9, 8:55

You don’t think I’ve tried talking to her? She exactly doesn’t say much. She wouldn’t even tell me where she’s from!

Pete - 2/9, 8:55

*doesn’t exactly

Pete - 2/9, 8:57

I mean, at first it was nice to be able to get a word in edgewise and to have someone just listen to my opinions for once—usually I have to rely on Reddit or my PodCast for that, but views on Pete’s Thinks have been down lately.

Pete - 2/9, 8:58

But that’s not the point! I wanted someone who didn’t ask dumb questions during movies or ask about the rules to lacrosse fifty times during a match, not someone who seems to have no thoughts about anything! All she does is agree with me. Which, cool—haven’t been with a girl like that since I was in middle school—but…

Pete - 2/9, 9:00

And then this thing with the missing person’s poster! I frequent a lot of news sites with their eyes open, you know? I know all. about. the deep state. I am VERY INFORMED. Where did this woman come form?

Pete - 2/9, 9:00

*from

Sarah - 2/9, 9:10

We here at ValenMine strive to make sure all our users find their happy, blissful ending! If you can’t find anyone on your own, we’ll do whatever it takes to pair you with your perfect partner. At ValenMine, we’ll make you a perfect match!

Pete - 2/9, 9:11

You said that already. Is there someone else I can talk to?

Sarah - 2/9, 9:11

I’m sorry; all our customer service associates are busy with other callers. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Pete - 2/9, 9:12

Is Josie really even her name? The missing persons poster said her name was Adriana.

Pete - 2/9, 9:12

You haven’t hooked me up with some kind of illegal, have you?

Sarah - 2/9, 9:13

I’m sorry; I can’t divulge any information Josie hasn’t told you herself. ValenMine takes the privacy of our customers very seriously. Perhaps the missing persons poster just looked like her.

Pete - 2/9, 9:14

Don’t give me that! There’s a very small scar right under her hairline—I liked it because she was perfect but not too perfect, you know?—so I know what I saw, and the woman on that poster had one too!

Pete - 2/9, 9:20

Hello?

Pete - 2/9, 9:31

Sarah?

Pete - 2/9, 9:45

What the hell? You’re not gonna talk to me either?

Pete - 2/9, 11:00

OK, I’m just gonna call the police.

Pete - 2/9, 11:30

I swear I’ll do it. Let’s see how your little app fares then!

Pete - 2/9, 12:05

Hello?

Sarah - 2/9, 2:00

Sorry for the delay! I’ve spoken to my higher-ups here at ValenMine and my manager would be happy to speak with you in person at our downtown office.

Pete - 2/9, 2:05

Finally!1

Pete - 2/9, 2:05

Jesus.

Pete - 2/9, 2:05

OK.

Pete - 2/9, 2:05

Great

Sarah - 2/9, 2:06

Perfect! I’ve sent the address to the email we have on file for you here. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Pete - 2/9, 2:06

Hell no. I’ll save my questions for your manager.

Sarah - 2/9, 2:07

Great! I’m glad I could help you today. Remember: here at ValenMine, we’ll make you a perfect match!

—End ValenMine Customer Service Inquiry Log #111,459—

—Customer Approved for ValenMine Match-Maker Intake Procedure—

THE END

Check out more short stories, reviews, & opinions here!

[thefloatingstone]

If you’re doing Self Quarintine (and you should be if you can help it) here’s some Youtube recommendations! Some of these I have posted about or recommended before but with almost all of us stuck indoors now’s a good time to remind you of some cool things you can watch for free!

I’m not gonna imbed the videos, I’ll just post the link because otherwise I would only able to post 5 and I want to collect a few so you can make a playlist or something. (I could make a playlist too but then I couldn’t tell you what each video is and you can’t pick and choose which one sounds interesting to you)

In no particular order:

Polybius: The video Game that doesn’t exist

An hour long documentary in which the youtuber did extensive research to find the origin of the “Polybius” Urban Legend, which speaks of an early arcade game reportedly seen around the early 1980s which reportedly gave people migraines, insomnia, nausea, subliminal messages, and in some cases heart attacks.

The Universal S

A shorter video in which LEMMiNO does his very best to try and track down where exactly this S that we all drew in middle school comes from? Why does literally every country on earth seem to HAVE their children draw this S?

I also recommend LEMMiNO’s video on the Dayltov Pass Incident and the perplexing UFO cases

Down the Rabbit Hole: Henry Darger

Fredrick Knudsen has an incredible fascinating series called “Down the Rabbit Hole” which simply focuses on... anything you can discover and go digging into. From weird internet personalities, to bizarre happenings in history. This video is about the artist Henry Darger, a man who lived in the early 1900s and for all intents and purposes had a perfectly average, lonely life, until it was discovered just before his death he had spent literally decades writing and drawing a fantasy world in what is possibly the longest piece of literature ever written.

I also recommend his video on the Hurdy Gurdy

Bedtime Stories Channel

I’m actually just gonna link the whole channel for “Bedtime Stories”. If you like weird and creepy stories, all of which at least claim to be “true” then Bedtime Stories is great. Coupled by illustrations and subtle sound effects, Bedtime Stories is literally listening to someone tell you a story about such things like hikers who mysteriously went missing, Sightings of Bog Men in Florida and giant Birds over Chernobyl, as well as weird and unsettling murders that remain unsolved. Sometimes the facts are a little dubious or have been disproved, but that’s not the point of the channel. It’s here to tell a creepy story, not give you a documentary.

A Journey Through Rule of Rose

Rule of Rose is a Survival Horror gave for the PS2 which has rather bad gameplay... but a FASCINATING story with just as many layers and symbolism as Silent Hill 2 could boast. It tells the story of one young woman traveling back into her own childhood in an orphanage in the 1930s, and all the horrors that contains. From repressed grief, abusive relationships, child neglect, abuse, and bullying... but it ALSO contains symbolism of societal class structure, politics, eating the rich, and how power structures work. Not for the faint of heart, but HIGHLY recommended.

I also super highly recommend his video on the similarities between Silent Hill 2 and Solaris

Clemps Reviews Crisis Core

Mr. Clemps is a great internet gamer who reviews JRPGs and other games he simply enjoys. Sprinkling in a heavy dose of comedy and very fast jokes and observations, Clemps’ videos are always upbeat, fun, and incredibly enjoyable to watch. I’m linking part 1 of his Crisis Core video in which he explains why the PSP game remains a personal favourite of his despite its flaws.

I also recommend his video on Eternal Sonata

Defunct TV: The History of Dragon Tales

Defunctland is a channel that deals with theme parks and theme park rides that are no longer standing, or which are no longer around in their current form. Defunctland also has a sub series though, called “Defunct TV” where they look at the origin of children’s TV which are no longer airing. I recommend the video on Dragon Tales which is incredibly wholesome, and a genuinely uplifting and soft story of good people trying to make good things for children. (I also recommend the videos on Bear in the Big Blue House, Zoboomafoo, and Legends of the Hidden Temple)

Hagan’s Histories of Polar Exploration

A Playlist for Diamanda Hagan’s videos about the doomed Franklin Expedition from the late 1800s, where England tried to find a passage through the Northern Arctic to the Pacific Ocean. This went horribly horribly wrong, with every member of the Expedition dead. Over a 100 years later we are still fuzzy on what EXACTLY happened, but apart from the arctic chill, there is also evidence of faulty canned food, a series of bad decisions, and cannibalism. Caution advised for this series.

I also recommend the rest of Diamanda Hagan’s channel. She is NOT for everyone, but if you enjoy somebody reviewing Z grade indie movies as well as just BIZARRE films, really bad Christian media bordering on Science Fiction (without making fun of religion itself) hot takes of classic (and modern) Dr. Who, an introduction to Red Dwarf, She’s an EXCELLENT channel to check out.

Good Bad or Bad Bad: Pass Thru

A half podcast half review show where two guys watch a terrible film, decide if it’s “Good” Bad or just Bad Bad and tell you if you should watch it too.

That’s it. That’s the whole show.

I recommend diving into the untold madness that is one of the best(?) bad film makers currently still producing batshit insane movies, the immortal Niel Breen.

There is literally nothing I can say that’ll prepare you for Niel Breen.

(I also recommend their more recent video for “Dancin’ It’s on!”)

History Buffs: Apollo 13

Do you like History? Do you like movies ABOUT History? Do you want to know if the movies about history you watch actually resemble what really happened in any way at all? History Buffs is an EXCELLENT channel, which does talk about the merit of a film itself, but is mainly focused on letting you know just how true to life that historical film you watch is. I highly recommend his longest video which covers the space race between the USA and the USSR, leading to what is known as “The most Successful Failure in NASA’s History”. The Infamous Apollo 13 and where the words “Houston, we have a problem” came from.

If you’re not interested in Apollo 13 however, I also recommend his video on the movie Casino, as well as his video on the female philosopher, Agora.

The Internet Historian: The Goodening of No Man’s Sky

With videos with literally MILLIONS of views, you probably already know the Internet Historian. But I still want to recommend him very highly because his videos are just THAT good and entertaining. I recommend his newest video, documenting that time we were all pissed off about No Man’s Sky, the difficulties the game studio was in when the game released, and how they have been working hard to finally create what is now a truly brilliant game which is winning major awards. A really good underdog story of how a video game company actually saw what was wrong with their game, and FIXED it.

I also recommend his video on Fallour 76 as well as the Failure of Dashcon

8 Creepy Video game mysteries

Hey. Did you know that sometimes there’s some REALLY weird shit in video games, hidden easter eggs which took literal decades to find as well as just a lot of “what the actual fuck?”. Oddheader is a channel with a dedicated discord and Reddit form solely focusing on trying to find or replicate bizarre video game finds, mysteries, and hidden glitches. Even if it means getting in his car and driving to a specific arcade just to check a rumour about Street Fighter II’s arcade version. So if you like getting spooked by weird game shit that’s not just some dumb creepypasta, this is a great place to start.

I also recommend his video on weird discoveries in DVDs and movies.

Red Letter Media: Best of the Worst

Look you already know who Red Letter Media is.

You know... these guys:

Here’s a video of them and Macaulay Culkin watching 3 terrible movies together.

I recommend literally any and all of their videos. Their discussion on Carpenter’s The Thing is amazing.

The Impact of Akira: The film that changed Everything

Ok trying to pick just ONE Super Eyepatch Wolf video is literal torture. Originally I was going to suggest his recent video on Final Fantasy 7 for the PSone but I realised I recommended something FF7 related with Clemps, so instead I will recommend The Impact of Akira, a video talking in depth about Akira both as a film as well as a manga, how it completely and utterly changed the anime industry both in Japan as well as the west, and why it is still a meaningful and one of the most important anime/manga even to this day, still being unsurpassed despite so much competition.

However, ALL of Wolf’s videos are incredible, so I also recommend his videos on wrestling (despite me not caring about wrestling at all), His video on how media scares us, The bizarre reality of modern Simpsons, Why the Dragon Ball Z manga is great, and literally any other video he’s made. He hasn’t made one bad video yet.

Was Oblivion as Good as I remember?

Exactly what it says on the tin. The Salt Factory goes back to playing The Elder Scrolls Oblivion and now with hindsight and modern sensibilities, gives feedback on his experience and whether Oblivion still holds up. This isn’t a super in depth review of the game’s mechanics or how its put together or how it was made. This is simply one guy talking about his experience replaying it with somejokes thrown in and how he felt revisiting it. It’s pretty good.

I also recommend the video he did on Morrowind (because I’m biased).

Weird Japan Only PS1 games

Thor High Heels is SO GOOD and deserves SO MUCH MORE subs than he currently has. THH focuses a lot of obscure and lesser known games as well as big popular titles like the Yakuza series, talking about what he likes about them, what he thinks is cool, and just what kind of atmosphere and mood a certain game has, even if the game itself is kind of ass. He’s done several videos on games that were only released in Japan, as well as videos talking about the fashion in Squaresoft games and how it inspired as well as was inspired by real world street fashion, the aesthetic of PC-98 games and other topics. He also styles his videos and thumbnails after promotional art for video games from the 90s and generally just has an excellent style to his channel over all. Very chill.

Blue Reflection Review

ValkyrieAurora is a channel run by Sophie where she talks about games she personally likes and enjoys. Her videos are really laid back and her voice is really calm and pleasant to listen to. She’s made a bit of a reputation for herself as “The channel that talks about the Atelier Games” and general is just a really enjoyable channel worth checking out if you just want something soothing to listen to.

Ancient Chinese Historians Describe Japan

Voices from the Past is a channel were historical text is read out loud in english. These can be anything like the above video where Chinese historians describe the people of Japan around 297 AD, Accounts of “Dog-Men”, or the worlds oldest letter of complaint from 1750 BC. If you’d like something interesting historically to listen to but don’t want a full blown history lesson, this is a really good way to hear contemporary people talk about their experiences and what they thought about each other in their own words, without opinions or input given by the narrator.

The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet

Whang! is a channel that covers weird internet stories, some horrifying, some curious and interesting, and some just plain weird. His video on The Most Mysterious Song on the Internet and its update, are about a song which was recorded off the radio in Germany around the 1980s, and after one person online asked if anyone knew who the artist was as they couldn’t find any information, led to the realization that NOBODY online knows where this song came from or who sang it. It’s a fun mystery to look into that, unlike some others on this list, is not creepy or unsettling, although perhaps a little frustrating.

I also recommend his video on The Most Mysterious Anime theme song, and the haunted Ebay Painting.

5 Lost, Destroyed, and Locked away Broadcasts

Yesterworld is similar to the Defunctland channel in that it talks about obsolete rides, theme parks and other forgotten pieces of entertainment. Although the majority of the channel focuses on movie rides, rollercoasters and Disneyland, I recommend the video on lost and locked away broadcasts which you can no longer see. I also recommend the video about Lost and Rediscovered movie props.

The Nightmare Artist

I talked about this one recently as I just discovered this channel. This video is about the renowned Polish artist Zdzislaw Beksinski who painted surreal and horrifying paintings during his lifetime. There is no mystery here or anything like that, it merely talks about the impact WWII left on Beksinski and how the trauma his country and people suffered influenced his painting, and how certain images and motifs can be seen to directly reference this terrible part of Poland’s history.

Disabilities in Prehistory

Modern media likes to portray how “savage” the ancient past is, and tell us stories of how any person born with a deformity or disability would be thrown over a cliff or dumped in a well because they would be too big a drain on a community to look after. But here’s the thing... according to archaeological evidence, it turns out our ancient ancestors actually did their best to look after its disabled members to the best of their abilities. This video talks about archaeological finds of people who had genetic disabilities and what we can learn from their remains. TREY the Explainer is a great channel for archaeology and also talking about what answers we could have for sightings of cryptids. (not ALL of which we have answers for)

I also recommend his video on Pre-Contact dogs as well as Homosexuality in Nature and the Genetic History of the Ainu.

Decoding “The Secret: A treasure Hunt”

“The Secret” was an art book released in the 80s full of beautiful paintings, but it is also more than that. The book has a fantasy story talking about 12 fantastical races who left wonderful treasures for humans to find,and the book’s paintings and riddles will tell you where you can find each of these treasures which are yours to keep if you can solve the puzzle... and the treasures are 100% true and can actualy be found and claimed, if you can solve the riddles in the book. The video tells the story of the artbook, who was behind it, what the treasures are, how many have been found and various other facts and details.

I also recommend the videos on this channel “The Game: A scavenger Hunt” and “The investigation of Erratas”.

5 Ancient Inventions That Were WAY Ahead Of Their Time

I would recommend you be careful with this channel as its main focus is existentialism and rather alarming topics such as “how close are we to the apocalypse” and other things whose titles alone are enough to upset me. However this video is nothing like that. This video is exactly what the title suggests it is. 5 ancient inventions that were so incredibly ahead of their time you’d think they were made up. From the computer used by ancient Greeks to steel swords we don’t know how to replicate, this video is a great mix of mystery and history.

Although I caution you with this channel, I recommend Joe’s other videos about mysterious books, as well as his video on the most inbred people in history.

However, I know I keep repeating this, I highly recommend caution with this channel. Perhaps its just me and the topics of life and existent are just triggering for me, but I’d recommend maybe just doing a search for the titles I mentioned and not to go searching through the video library unless you’re not bothered by this kind of thing.

-

Anyway I could keep going, but I think that’s a LARGE amount of videos to keep you occupied for the time being as well as some suggestions for further viewing.

Please enjoy, let me know if you found something interesting, and look after yourself!

If you enjoyed this list at all, please consider tipping me for a coffee

☕️ Ko-fi ☕️

[flightfoot]

I'm shocked that Mari doesn't get salted much considering she is the protagonist, and even if she is, it's always just a simple call out, a critics on her behavior. whereas whenever I saw Adrien or Alya salt, it's always being upped to eleven. It's not a simple call out or critics, they just being sent straight to punishment, deemed unworthy of forgiveness. I think the closest fic I've read that have Mari "salt fic" vibe is Truth and Consequence but it's not even salt fic. Curious since usually it's the protagonist that got salted a lot, not the deuteragonist or minor character.

She definitely gets salted in posts and comments and things, though I don’t see it that much on tumblr (not exactly something I go looking for though). But on reddit, instagram, youtube even I think? People have some pretty negative opinions about her.

As far as fanfics go... yeah I’ve seen only like, maybe ten total saltfics for Marinette on AO3 in the year and a half I’ve been in this fandom. And most of the ones I have seen don’t go as bonkers as the Adrien salt and Alya salt does on a regular basis. Heck, even the page on TvTropes for Fandom-Specific plots does not, as far as I can tell, list a single example of a Marinette saltfic plot.

I have been told that there were fanfics out there that treated her vilely in the past, even one popular one, as well as several fanfics that just made her kinda powerless while in the Marichat dynamic. I have not been able to verify this for myself however, though I have attempted it.

There certainly ARE a few very loud people on AO3 who hate Marinette’s guts, but they don’t tend to write a ton, and those sorts of stories aren’t very popular. When I was entering the fandom back in March 2019, I went through the top... 1000 fics I think on AO3? And only stumbled across maybe one or two that salted on Marinette, and even those it wasn’t like she was treated as irredeemable or punished beyond just being yelled at.

I’ve heard that part of the reason why Chameleon salt initially took off the way it did was because Marinette was salted (in comments and posts at least) by a lot of the fandom for a long time, and it was really mostly her that bore the brunt of it, rather than a ton of different characters. Then when Chameleon released a lot of people became very sympathetic to her, so it was a sort of backlash against the years of general dislike against her.

And theeeeen people took it way, way, WAY too far in ways that were absolutely disgusting, projecting the most heinous things onto the other characters (seriously where the hell did this notion come from that Alya would beat up or poison Marinette and destroy her things?! I haven’t even seen much justification for it beyond “well if she continues along this path this is an obvious conclusion of the sort of thing she’d do”, without anything to back that up.) and even making Marinette, whom the saltfics try to boost up, act in ways that frankly, made her a pretty despicable person in a lot of them, only somewhat mitigated by making everyone around her even worse. Though sometimes the fics don’t even do that and just have her like, abuse her power as class rep so she can get satisfaction out of setting it up so Adrien’s in close proximity to Lila as often as possible and delight in watching her sexually harass him, or try to get everyone arrested or fired or just generally take pleasure inflicting pain and suffering on her former friends while crowing about how they deserve it.

I reaaaaally don’t like Saltinette. Marinette wouldn’t either.

As for why Marinette bashing fics, the ones that go to the same extent as many of the saltfic plots that TvTropes lists, aren’t as popular (again, at least on AO3, though looking at FFN and Wattpad they didn’t seem super popular on there either. And PLEASE, if you want to direct me to where they’re popular, PLEASE don’t just say “they’re on this site”. I’ve gone to Wattpad and FFN. I’ve just found more of the saltfics TvTropes lists, not Marinette saltfics), I dunno. Demographics I guess? Maybe the people who hate Marinette’s guts aren’t as likely to read or write fanfics. Even the Marinette bashing fics I HAVE seen aren’t all that popular.

On the one hand, I’m glad she isn’t as often treated in as gross a manner in fanfics as Adrien, Alya, most of the class, a LOT of people in the show have been for the past... nearly two years now. 

On the other hand, it’s easy for me to resent her with how almost all of this bashing is supposedly done for HER sake, often while making her into a horrible human being along the way.

I basically can only go to AO3 with filters on for the usual bashing tags, like “Adrien bashing”, “Alya bashing”, “Classmates bashing” and “Marinette Deserves Better” (and yes that is a bashing tag, if it’s used you can be pretty damn sure someone in that fic’s being bashed on Marinette’s behalf, and probably not only canonical antagonists).

Generally after that I have to rewatch some of Miraculous Ladybug or read some fics where everyone’s in-character to get the bad taste out of my mouth. Because in the show? it’s not like this. Not at all. Marinette can have a bad day sometimes, but it’s just the sort of bad day typical people might experience. She can be upset or unfair or petty, but at normal person - especially normal kid - levels. Sometimes she’s scolded, sometimes bad things happen as a consequence, but she’s never treated as some piece of scum. If she’s upset, her friends and family are there for her.

And Alya and Adrien? Sometimes they can be careless about what they do or say and irritate her. Sometimes their words or actions aren’t as helpful as they want them to be.

But they don’t want to hurt her, they care for her, ABOUT her. Nor would she ever want to hurt them or lose them, even if she was justifiably angry with them. We saw that with Chat Noir especially, during the NY special.

Marinette loves and cares about her friends and family, and they love and care for her back.

At least I can be pretty sure that whatever insane bashing and twisting of characters happens in the fandom, the show will continue to be nice to the characters, to treat them as people deserving of love and affection. Maybe saying they made a mistake when they didn’t, or letting stuff slide that would be nice to be addressed, but on the whole, allowing them to continue to just... be friends. Be people. Be kids.

[phantasieandmirare]

Talking about my demiromanticism

I just have to write and get these thoughts down because if I don’t I’ll never be able to summarize these feelings ever again, I don’t expect anyone to read this but if I make it private or hide it in drafts or anything I’ll never see it again and this is important to me.

The thing about my demiromanticism and romantic relationships is that any desire I have to have one is largely based in cultural amatonormativity and the fact that I feel like I’m being judged or pitied for not having a romantic relationship, especially as I get older and I can feel the people around me starting to wonder when it will happen and I can see people I knew in school getting married and having kids (for some at the tender young age of nineteen). I made the mistake on going on Facebook yesterday and the very first thing that popped up was my best friend from elementary having a photoshoot with her boyfriend. And at first I mistook my emotions at seeing that for jealousy, but that’s not what it was: my anger and sadness and the mini-breakdown I had was based in the fear of being judged for not having what she has, and jealousy at not having that kind of connection with someone that she has. Because the second I saw those photos the first thing that popped into my head was the fear that she would come down one day and see me and we’d get to talking and the conversation would turn to the topic of partners and I’d go ‘Oh yeah I’m still single’ and she would say ‘Oh I’m sorry’ or ‘Well you better get on that!’. I wasn’t angry or jealous of her boyfriend, I was afraid of being judged. 

I just don’t want to be judged for not being in a romantic relationship or being ‘picky’ or ‘stubborn’ or not having the proclivities for it in the first place. Because that’s all I see and hear: people who aren’t in relationships are sad or need to be pushed or need friends to set them up on a blind date and women over thirty who aren’t married are spinsters and cat ladies and are people to be pitied and I just...that’s my problem. Because it’s all about the amatonormativity of our culture and the focus on romantic relationships. Everyone’s always asking about someone special or when you’re going to get married or that you should download this dating app or go on this blind date and it just drives me crazy because it feels like I’m being pushed on all sides into something that to me doesn’t feel real and would not feel real in the moment. Because if I tried a dating app or went on a blind date I would almost certainly have to fake any romantic interest or make it clear from the get go that hey, this needs to take time and we need to get to know each other and for the love of God can we just please be friends to start and if you tell me you love me in a week or want to move in together in a month or try to pop the question before I even know what your favorite color is then I’m done and that’s not something that I think someone on a dating app would want to hear, that you just want to be friends. It’s when society tells me what they think I need that I start to feel angry and sad and afraid. Not want. Not need. It’s the fear of being judged and pressured.

Now don’t get me wrong, I would love a romantic relationship. I love reading and watching and writing romance. I love video games where I can romance characters. But the thing about the stories is that they are based hugely in time and in building that relationship (and this is largely excluding Hallmark or Disney-esque stories where characters meet and fall in love and get married in three days because no). Stories where the characters know each other, hang out, go on adventures together, and maybe eventually fall in love are my favorite because that’s what I feel. A trilogy where the characters know each other for a few years and then kiss at the very end makes way more sense than characters who meet on page 50 and are using the L-word on page 150. Those are far more real to me than love at first sight stories. They’re built on time and friendship rather than the starting goal of ‘This is a person I’m going to marry’. If I experience romance then that’s the kind of slow burn stuff I want. The time is what makes it real, not throwing around the L-word after a week.

And I’m certainly capable of romance. The only time I’ve been in love was with my best friend who I will have known for ten years in September. I realized I was in love with her four years in after 100% daily communication. So I know that it’s possible and that I can have real, genuine romantic feelings for other people, which is why I identify as demiromantic and not fully aromantic. But when someone comes in and tries to push, when a guy I went to school with texted me and was saying stuff like ‘Oh I just want someone to cuddle with’ or ‘I miss you :(’ or stuff like that when we hadn’t talked in years and I barely knew the guy, I panic. I shut down. I feel nothing. This isn’t real. We don’t know each other. Why are you trying to get all up in my business when we know nothing about each other? So that’s why I’m demiromantic instead of aromantic. Because it can happen, but I need time and a connection before I feel anything. I’d like a romantic relationship, but I want it to happen in it’s own time and on my terms and not just because some woman from my church or an old friend from elementary tsks at me because it’s so sad that I’m not in a relationship or it’s weird that I’ve never been kissed and I’m not married. I don’t care about that. I don’t need that. I can live my entire life without that. And if by chance I do get to have that, then I want it to be on my terms, and the person has to be the right person because my Mama told me to keep my standards where they are and to not lower them and I’ll be damned if I let someone slip through just cause Hallmark wants me to know that my life isn’t fulfilled without a special someone when I’m perfectly happy as I am.

I suppose that what I really want out of life is just a connection. I don’t care if it’s romantic. I just want to connect with someone on a deep level, deep enough that we’re comfortable with each other. Maybe I meet a roommate or multiple roommates and we all hit it off and eventually buy a house and move in together and just live our lives and maybe that develops into something more but it doesn’t have to because it’s about the connection, not about romance. I’m aware that I’m describing a QPR which is a concept that used to confuse me but now I get it, and it sounds incredible. Like that one Reddit post about the gay man and his lesbian roommate getting married because they love each other and can’t imagine spending their lives without each other and they consider each other to be their soulmate even though they’re not romantically or sexually compatible but it’s not romantic or sexual in the slightest. Or those three friends from high school who got houses right next to each other and knocked down the fences in their adjoining backyards so they’d all be connected. Just having a connection with someone that transcends friendship. Again, it would be nice, so nice to have a romantic relationship, but I don’t need it. I just want to connect with someone who I can see, and touch, and talk to, and spend time with, and get to know, and maybe it becomes romance or maybe it never does, it’s just the fact that I want someone who I can just be with and to live my life with those connections, and I don’t want anyone to judge me for not being in a romantic relationship when I’m fulfilled as I am. That’s all I want. A judgement-free connection that’s free to become whatever it wants to be, whether it’s romantic or familial or entirely platonic, that’s all I want. That’s all I want.

So yeah. I don’t know if a single word of that makes sense. But that’s why realizing that I’m on the aromantic spectrum and more specifically that I’m demiromantic is so hugely important to me. To know that there’s a reason that I feel this way and that it’s real and not me being picky or stubborn. And to realize that my feelings about other people in relationships isn’t jealousy or want but just the frustration with amatonormativity and people being nosy about it and just wanting a connection. Being aro/demiro is so important to me because it tells me that it’s fucking okay, that I’m okay, that what I feel is real and valid, that I don’t need this to be whole, that I’m not alone and that everything is going to be okay, and seeing green and gray and white and a black triangle means the world to me because it’s like coming home. I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay.

[sassycloudmoneyflap]

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Oct. 07, 2017 04:56AM EST

10+ Habits of Toxic Parents and How They Ruin Children Without Realizing It

When you have a child, your entire life changes. Suddenly, everything is for the baby. Every parent wants to be able to do right by their kids.

But there are many things that stand between you and being not a good parent, but the kind of parent your child needs.

That's the right way to look at it, in my opinion. Good and bad are relative. But all kids need approximately the same thing in order to grow into happy, healthy, successful human beings.

Parents neglect to give their kids what they need for a lot of reasons. I've seen parents read so many parenting books that they end up not knowing which way is the right way.

I've also seen parents who just don't care, letting their kids do whatever they feel like, or even worse, neglecting and abusing them.

One thing is for sure, there are a number of truly toxic behaviors that imprint on our kids and deeply, profoundly impact their life growing up.

These are habits and actions that you should be avoiding at all costs. Some are physical, some psychological, and some are social.

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If you know someone who's recently become a parent or is about to be, be sure to share this article with them to help them be the best parents they can be.

1. Not Respecting Boundaries

It's important for parents to think about the boundaries they've set for their children.

When I was young, my parents established some very important boundaries.

Stay out of the parents bedroom. Stay out of mom's office. Stay out of dad's man cave.

There were good reasons for those rules! You're adults, you own things like porno mags and marital aids. You don't want kids getting into that!

But kids also have things they don't want you to get into too. You can't expect kids to feel like respected individuals if you also don't honor their personal space and their boundaries too.

When your kids get older into their teen years, you should not be snooping.

They don't go through your underwear drawer, you shouldn't go through theirs either.

They're old enough that simply talking to them about worries you might have are good enough. Use your words. Don't be intrusive.

2. Failing To Provide Affirmation and Security

A lot of parents, stereotypical macho dad types especially, think that punishment is king.

It takes tough love to shape and sculpt especially young boys into strong, capable young men.

But tough love isn't how you make sure your kids can take care of themselves. Teaching them to take care of themselves is how you teach them to take care of themselves.

Simple, right? By punishing your children over every little thing, you cripple their ability to be strong in the face of life's challenges, because any sign of failure will be met with swift...something.

Not punishment, but...something. Disappointment. Frustration. Anger. Withholding.

We should be teaching our kids about the world as an adult.

When you're an adult and you fail at something, you don't have some authority figure that takes away your gameboy until you do better.

You try harder to do better, and that comes from within.

3. Being Overly Critical

We all have dreams and goals that we don't achieve.

Maybe you wanted to be a football star but you tore your ACL in high school and all that went out the window.

Maybe you were almost the math league champ but didn't quite make it. One thing is for sure: you should not be projecting your failures onto your children.

You can't force your kids to be something that you wish you were. When you do that, you crush their self esteem.

When you project what you want for your kids onto them without letting them choose, and when you level unrealistic expectations, you don't make them better or stronger.

You make them weaker and less likely to be empowered with the tools to take on the challenges of their adult lives.

4. Not Following Through

Parents want to be their kids' best friends. But that's not what kids want.

You don't want to unintentionally raise a terrible adult, and one of the ways you avoid that is by setting rules and actually following through with them.

If you're a new parent, it's good to experiment a little; to see what works and what doesn't.

But at some point you have to see what guidelines and rules work and actually follow through on them. I get it. No parent wants to punish their kids.

No parent wants to tell their kids what's what and see those tears well up. But you need to be able to not manipulate but adjust the mindset of your kids through these guidelines.

You don't want to crush bad habits but develop and incentivize good habits.

5. Not Offering Space

As your kids get older, they need more space from you. This is an important part of growing up.

At some point, you have to stop telling them what to do and you have to stop doing important things for them.

You can't do their homework. You can't write their college entrance essay.

At some point, you need to look at your kids and say, "figure it out. I'll help if you need me too." But even then, make sure that you're not doing anything of the figuring out for them.

Be ready to let your "baby" go when they know they need to figure things out on their own.

Parents who deeply love their kids find it hard to let go the part of their life where mommy and daddy are crucial for every little thing.

But to impose yourself long after that kind of parenting is needed is wrong.

6. Serving Your Kids

You should have a strong sense by now that the right form of parenting is somewhere in the middle of both extremes.

You don't want to throw your kids to the wolves but you also don't want to serve them. When your kids are old enough to learn to cook, teach them to cook.

When your kids are old enough to do laundry, have them do laundry. When your kids are old enough to drive, for God's sake, teach them to drive.

It is important that you don't pamper and serve your kids forever. They need to learn vital skills to maintain themselves as adults.

One of the things I find myself bemoaning the most is how much skill has been lost between my grandparents and me.

There are a lot of skills they had that I just didn't have instilled in me. It's important to give your kids the knowledge that you were given, and pampering them won't teach them anything good.

7. Threatening and Intimidating Your Kids

It's frustrating dealing with the little things with your kids.

They often become afraid and unsure at things that are simple and second nature for you.

They don't always succeed at self control which can be endlessly difficult for a parent simple trying to parent the right way. But what you absolutely can't do is level threats.

"If you don't _____ then _____." "If you ever ____, this is what's going to happen to you."

Under this kind of authority, you've completely destroyed your child's confidence in you.

They won't feel like they can come to you for help because a threat has been leveled.

How can you really talk to a person candidly and honestly about something you're going through if you feel like the result is going to be a punishment of some kind?

8. Helicoptering

The millennial generation will tell horror stories of helicopter parenting.

Check out any reddit thread about helicopter parents and you'll see the carnage they leave behind in the form of adults who don't know up from down and left from right.

When you have a baby, you have to do everything for it. You have to do everything in your power to care for it and make sure it survives.

But you have to let some of that go as time goes by.

You have to honor their mistakes and appreciate their successes and let them grow into independent people.

If you don't, you've raised an adult who doesn't have the skills necessary to succeed on their own.

9. Not Listening

I'll let you in on a secret: kids aren't stupid.

They can read sarcasm and tell when you're condescending and not listening to them because you think they're just some dumb kid.

Parents: you need to listen to your kids. It's hard to find value in the babble they sometimes send off into the world through their faces but it doesn't matter.

When you listen to your kids, and I mean really listen, it tells them that they're unique individuals who have something to offer this world that we're living in.

True, a 4 year old probably won't ever have something particularly compelling to say to you, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't show them that what they say is important, because it actually is.

Stuff that seems mundane to you might be absolutely mind blowing to them.

If a child tells you that she saw a brown dog that day, hear what they're saying. That may be a first for them.

They want to talk about the incredible experiences they have the same way you do. Listen to your kids.

10. Being A Lazy Parent

For some parents, kids come into the picture and it's so overwhelming that they just kind of hit cruise control and zone out.

Lots of frozen TV dinners and movies in the car.

It's easy to park a kid in front of the TV for 6 hours and then just sit around and be lazy, but being a parent takes work.

It's the hardest job you can possible have. But you have to actually teach your children things. You have to spend time with them, cook with them, and instill all these healthy habits.

It's hard to get your kid to eat well, but you have to. It's hard to get your kid to brush their teeth and floss, but you have to.

It's hard to teach your kid to manage their own homework, to drive a car, to get a job, but all of these things are so fundamentally important that skipping just one can cripple your child for life.

Don't be a lazy parent.

11. Being Friends With Your Child

Not long ago, I was reading about how many kids entering college, when asked about their relationship with their parents, they said their parents were their "best friends."

This is not the kind of relationship that any child should have with their parents until much, much later in life.

A 17-19 year old fledgling of the house should not see their parents as friends but as parents.

You are your child's world to give them guidance, structure, and rules. When our kids, in their volatile teen years, lash out at you for your rigidity, it is not a sign to let up.

It's also not a sign to clamp down. It is a sign you're doing the right thing. You're teaching them, and sometimes these lessons are hard to learn. Your kids should not view you as a friend, but as a parent.

Are you still searching for your life purpose? You won't believe what the science of Numerology can reveal about you!

That's right, the numerology of your birth date, regardless of what month you were born, can reveal surprising information about your personality.

Unlock the messages hidden in your Personality Code now with your free personalized video report!

Click HERE to learn what Numerology says about your life using only your Name and Birth Date.

If you found this article interesting or entertaining, please remember to SHARE the content with your family and friends on Facebook!

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[yellowfang89]

It’s wild how much has happened and changed since 2010, and now going into 2020. I was going to put in a "read more" out of courtesy but for some fuck ass reason, when I came in to edit it, Tumblr isn't giving me that option and the code ain't working and now I'm slightly buzzed so what the fuck ever you can just keep scrolling if you don't care lol.

January 2010- Obsessed with Legend of the Seeker. Wrapped up finishing playing Pokemon Diamond- my first pokemon game on recommendation of my best friend at the time. My last semester of community college started.

March/April 2010- got acceptance letter to the local state college I planned on transferring to. Best friend didn’t get any notice on whether she got accepted or not, but got an acceptance letter from another college about an hour away, and decided to go there instead. After making this decision, she finally got the acceptance letter from the local state college. But she still ended up going to the hour away one. Also, I turned 21 and had my first margarita.

May 2010- Graduated community college with an AA in art. God, I remember when I used to love art.

At some point I ended up officially leaving Myspace for Facebook, kicking and screaming, because everyone had ditched Myspace for it. I hated Facebook but got used to it.

August 2010- went on a two week cruise to Alaska. Came back and started new college afterwards. Had no friends and was lonely, though kept in close touch with best friend over Facebook. Got new Macbook.

September 2010- Finally found myself in a new friend group. Saw a beautiful boy on lightrail I wanted to talk to, but had no courage to. Realized that this kind of shit was probably why I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I wanted a boyfriend for the sole reason of not feeling like a loser for never having one.

October 2010- Saw same beauty, gathered up the nerve and talked to him. Turned out he also went to my school. We started seeing each other regularly on there and things started taking off. 

November 2010- Started hanging out with him regularly, got my first kiss from him. Became an official couple.

2011- Can’t remember what months and for what, because things start blending in together. But

- Beloved cat of five years died.

- Lost my virginity

- Didn’t have much money in bank account and stressed out over it. Couldn’t get a job to rectify the situation cuz no experience.

- Started feeling guilty over the smallest things like asking to borrow a piece of paper from someone. Mentally acknowledging this was weird but also shrugging it off. 

- Lost my appetite and had food problems overall- despite always having “food problems.” Never wanted to eat.

- Distinctly remember my stomach rumbling in class and thinking, “good maybe i’ll starve to death!”

2012- Shit blended in together again this year, and for every year here on out.

- Came to the realization one day when walking to the bus that I literally would not care if someone came at me with a gun because I just… didn’t want to exist anymore. Saw nothing wrong with this.

- The thought “things would be better if I was dead” came to my brain out of nowhere. I briefly wondered if this counted as a “suicidal thought.”

-Decided to Google shit like suicidal thoughts, went down a rabbit hole that made me suspect I had depression. It explained things that I thought were off but didn’t care enough to do anything about.

- Eventually saw a counselor at school about this.

- Got a hamster. Hamster died this same year.

- Got a volunteer position at a library scanning old yearbooks onto a computer so I could have some sort of “work experience” to get a job.

- Boyfriend had got me Pokemon Heartgold earlier. I started trying to “collect them all” because why not.

- I switched from using an ethernet chord to WiFi and it changed my life. Especially since I was able to go on the GTS in Pokemon and trade, though it was fucky cuz you could only trade Pokemon you’ve already seen back then.

- Ended up getting Pokemon Black, and it introduced GTS Negotiations which allowed me to match with other trainers and trade Pokemon live. Due to this, I managed to obtain every Pokemon I couldn’t get in my other games. Except event legendaries, unfortunately. I consider this one of my greatest accomplishments and keep up with this to this day.

- Considered switching my major from Graphic Design to Digital Media because I liked my Digital Media class a lot more than my Design classes. And made that switch.

- I decided to minor in psychology because I had already taken a few psych classes for GE credits so why tf not.

- Towards the end, got a “student” job at that same library doing the same thing except with artwork instead of yearbooks. Finally had money. Depression starting to lift? But job was only a 4-8 hour a week deal so not that much money in the long run.

2013-

- Discovered demisexuality via a comment on Reddit. It described me pretty damn well. Weight lifted off shoulders I didn’t even realize was there. Things made sense omg.

- Joined Tumblr.

- Best friend came over for what turned out being the last time. She was moving to Arizona.

- Got a second job working at the tech company my Dad worked at, helping out the customer service rep.

- Slowly found myself drifting apart from friend. Depression still present. Made things hard but tbh she never contacted me either. I got the impression she was mad at me given she unfollowed me on Tumblr without explanation.

- Since not a lot of work to be done helping the csr, I ended up helping our our shipping guy and became his backup. Eventually the purchaser left on maternity leave and I took her place, eventually becoming the main purchaser because they moved her to accounts receivable.

- Decided that my depression was making me a piece of shit friend so I decided to contact best friend to see how things were, only to get a cryptic, passive aggressive, two-word response back. Ended up just dropping it and figured she’d eventually come around and tell me what was wrong. She never did…

2014

- Depression on and off due to the stress of going to work and going to school. At this point I hated all art and wanted nothing to do with any of it and only went to school for the piece of paper saying I graduated college.

- I think this was when I started calling myself gray ace instead of demi because why the hell not and I’ve only been sexually attracted to one person anyway. Possibly still demiromantic though- to this day I’m still unsure tbh.

- Boyfriend taught me to drive. I got my license. I got my first car.

December 2014- I graduated college. It cured my depression. Unfortunately, it was replaced with carpal tunnel. 

2015

- Carpal tunnel still full force. All I could do was read.

- I caught up on all the books I’ve wanted to read. Eventually came across Warrior Cats. Thought it was stupid for the first 50 pages, but then became addicted. Lost interest when I had to wait several months for the next arc to come out.

- The year I got into wrestling. I shipped Rolleigns so fuckin’ hard.

- Undertale came out and became one of my favorite games of all time.

- Find out brother is addicted to painkillers which is why he had been acting like such an ass.

- Dumped Facebook.

- Driver at the company I worked at quit. Company wants me to be “temporary” driver on top of purchasing, shipping, and assisting the customer service rep.

- Got into writing and wrote a book and continued writing off and on from then to now.

2016/2017/2018? I can’t even keep track anymore.

- Pokemon Go came out and I finally got a smart phone because of it.

- Brother gets girlfriend and then gets married after only being together a year. Brother seems to have gotten better.

- They started having marital problems almost immediately. My brother turned out being an alcoholic and fuck knows if he’s still doing drugs or not he says he’s not but he’s also a chronic liar. A lot of drama happens that I don’t want to get into. They are now divorced- after two years of marriage. 

- Got new laptop cuz Macbook got too old, although it still works.

- The company I had been working at, which had always been a shit company with no money, starts going down the shitter more than it already was.

September 2017- customer service rep quits and I have to do her job on top of purchasing, shipping, and driving. Mental breakdowns become common. Depression worse than it had ever been in my life. 

January 2018- get a 45 cent raise because minimum wage went up meaning I was now making minimum wage doing all the bullshit I was doing.

May 2018- Get new job doing ONLY shipping for a few extra bucks more an hour. Depression cured.

2019

- Got in a car accident (not my fault). Car totaled. Replaced it with a 2018 car so it’s all good.

- Experienced my first flat tire half a year later.

- Still get random bouts of depression.

- Still with same boy from 2010. Would love to move in together but fuck if I know when that’ll happen. 

- Still wondering wtf happened with my (ex) best friend and am still trying to get over it. Am considering the possibility that it was probably my depressed ass not talking to her at all for like 4 months. Unfortunately I have no way of contacting her to try and make peace because we both dumped Facebook.

- Got back into Warrior Cats.

- Dad got new girlfriend. Parents finally working on getting the divorce they wanted to get 20+ years ago but never did cuz neither one wanted to spend money on it.

- Briefly considered taking up drawing again but my skills have tanked significantly because I haven’t drawn since graduating college. Plus I’m lazy. 

- Obsessed with The Witcher.

So much has changed throughout this decade and fuck if I know how next decade is gonna turn out for me but I sure hope it's a better one.

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!

[homestuckhomestuckhomestuck]

Summary of Homestuck fandom after [S] Cascade.

(2011) Homestuck as a general phenomenon was very active and developed at a swift pace from the time it was published (2009) onwards, especially in 2012-2013, including and past the first years of the Homestuck Kickstarter Project, a.k.a Hiveswap.

Between 2009 and 2012, Homestuck as a webcomic was infamous for updating daily, constantly, multiple times a day, at all hours, for years. There was a calculated average that Homestuck updated 5.5 pages per day, dropping entire bundles of updates of character interaction and plot reveals frame by frame, posted as fast as Hussie could write it. Though it wasn’t immediately obvious, this pace was sleeplessly breakneck, Hussie allegedly didn’t do anything but live, breathe and dream Homestuck for at least four years straight. I’m serious when I say updates came at all hours. I would wake up 2am on a week night and idly check MSPA to see if there was a new update, sort of like a trained parrot. Then in five minutes I’d tab back over to the Homestuck tab and refresh, just in case. 

This lead to an phenomenon appropriately dubbed “upd8 culture,” which became the basis of the sheer evangelical furor people still associate with the Homestuck fandom. Quick history: MSPA/Problem Sleuth fans originated and migrated over from the Penny Arcade forums, Reddit, and 4chan to nestle permanently within the bowels of 2011 - 2013 tumblr, and were best described from a distance as ‘zealous.’ Even remembering it now almost feels like recalling a distant riot. If you didn’t cosplay, write up a detailed theory post, or scribble up a crazy level of appropriately detailed fanart within 10 or so minutes any given upd8, you were buried under the force of post overload and were officially late to the party. After years of this, fans had some idea of just how dedicated it came off as, which was used to further spur on fandom and made Homestuck into the most meme filled in-joke community you could possibly imagine. 

What’s frustrating about describing Homestuck and Homestuck fandom is they both heavily affected each other and were both unique experiences within themselves, which makes actually trying to get across the atmosphere of the early 2010s a wordy process. Homestuck heyday updates regularly crashed tumblr servers, which became an actual fake rss way of seeing how much the plot progressed that day, which is unusual even if the tumblr servers 2011-2013 were not funded by the corporate might of Yahoo. The bigger the update, the faster the crash. I could tell you Homestuck dominated tumblr to the point it had a virulent hatedom of people who had never even read it and constantly saw it and never understood what was happening in it, and fans couldn’t stop themselves from chattering about it all the time. One thing that has to be noted is all this continual bickering and movement and development and competitive content production was honestly fun as hell. 

Besides constant updates and a continual stream of new content, the story was completely unpredictable. Game-changing plot twists continued to happen up until the very ending, and while this made Homestuck’s plot happily convoluted, for fans this meant one thing they never lacked for was barely solvable mystery. Even the (fan)artists and (fan)musicians hired to work on Homestuck had to guess what would happen next even if they were part of animating the next update. Under similar principles of an ARG, story presentation was created with the vague expectation fans would work together to explain to each other what just happened.

What this meant in conjunction with Hussie’s oddly accurate tabs on fandom theory was that when an update dropped you had to release whatever you were doing fast, or you would be outdated, wrong, inaccurate, or irrelevant at some undisclosed unspecific time, very soon. Canon and fanon directly pulled from each other, especially in the small character details. The very fact the comic spun on such accurate knowledge of fandom that was purposefully fostered between fandom and canon means that even now reading Homestuck while updating is considered an experience different from an archival read, even though Homestuck was always a self-contained story.  

Upd8 culture followed like this: Popular fan theories had multiple fanfictions written on them just to better explain what could happen next, and fan projects from voice acting to art to music to fiction were constantly being corrected, updated, and replaced by a deluge of new information and characters to pore over every single detail with a fandom magnifying glass. An endless amount of hyper ambitious fandom projects, games, animations, multi media fanstories made in rotating teams were abandoned for new starts JUST because the information they were working off became too outdated by the newest few weeks of updates. Cosplays were mocked up in hours (for the next morning of con,) art in minutes, theory in seconds. You threw everything out as fast as you could so someone else could build off of it. It did give a strong impression of collaboration and possibility. As the fandom grew bigger and younger Hussie seemed to shade more politic in his fandom communication, but Homestuck managed to maintain an “open channel” like feeling between fandom and comic for a long time. 

Innovative form encouraged innovative output. The point was to create. Another aspect feeding upd8 culture was in the way Homestuck was told. Not only were Homestuck’s detailed plot points hard to predict, but so was what would happen to the site in a meta way.  A page could range from a scribble to a 3 hr fully programmed rpg or 18 minute asset heavy style swapping animation, or most commonly, sprite art followed by several hundred words of dialogue and character interaction. Pages came by different artists, different styles, different mediums, different paces and focuses, but with a breadth-spanning understanding of memes and the internet. Factors of style, innovation and novelty affected the diversity of fan output. Part of my extreme willingness to take part in Homestuck fandom was that Homestuck was so crammed to the brim with open ended creative potential, just the multiplicity of cool ideas and plot mechanics and vivid characters and weirdly novel framing that had really good ideas and existed literally nowhere else, and I say that as a huge sci-fi fan. Time travel in Homestuck was excellent. It was an ambitious story and I really do think it pulled it off. Homestuck was once described as the fossilized excrement of someone’s personal creative experiments, and I think that’s a good way of putting it. Enthusiasm and confusing daring teemed off the page, and translated into a wide variety of fanfiction and art, in style, content, theme, and pov. 

Lastly, Hussie had a tendency to canonize fan content and hire fanartists and fananimators if their output was solid enough with a gentle horse kiss of approval and a naturally internet-transparent hiring process, like a forum. This was a purposely fostered atmosphere in the spirit of experimental adventure, and was just fucking nuts. Fans never wrote the story, but they did heavily influence aspects of how it was told and where it went (by design, fans were pretty much involved in making the comic) and even get to actually flesh out the details, like the main character’s names, memes, romances, character, and scope. Everything from canon sprite art to bits of the Midnight Crew to Caliborn’s character to Calliope’s art skill to music and trickster arcs were all originally based on years of fan jokes and fandom. Homestuck was definitely Hussie’s sole property and precious baby, but he built it as interactive-ish and creatively as he could. It added an extra layer of galvanizing egging on to fandom purpose. I don’t know how else to explain everything that came of it. Fandom was like a roiling morass of bullshit activity, like a breaking news bullpen 24/7, there was so much energy sparking off of all facets of fandom because it was just so fun. Fan output was borderline insane in 2010-2013.

Hussie said fandom grew exponentially at the introduction of the Trolls in Act 5 in mid 2010, but I can honestly say I think fandom really started treating Homestuck like a hidden gem worth proselytizing right after the events of [S] Cascade at the end of 2011. Before then, Homestuck was tenuously good, and had a rep on tumblr for having weirdly ubiquitous fans and over- detailed fancontent, but [S] Cascade was the moment every single gamble asked of the reader in the story actually paid off. In fact, Homestuck’s plot was generally constructed to climax at [S] Cascade, as was apparent from the big explosion of fan reaction after the fact. At this point, you would be hard pressed to find a fan that wouldn’t say, “Homestuck is good.”  

THE KICKSTARTER (2012)

Right after [S] Cascade, a lot of things happened in quick succession. Act 6 started, revealing what endgame would probably look like. It was slated to be shorter than Act 5, envisioned as a kind of denouement. Lord English, the final villain, was revealed. Hussie stated he thought the comic would end the following year. I think Hussie saw the ending was in sight and started trying to merchandise for real at this point, god tier hoodies started releasing at a faster rate, Homestuck book 1 came out (in addition to Problem Sleuth book 3), there was a Homestuck music (and track art) contest announced with hundreds of fan submissions, and the incongruous but hilarious public induction of Dante Basco, Hollywood superstar, who was instantly whisked into the Homestuck fandom’s fold as soon as he formed a tumblr. Homestuck had a bit of a reputation by then so the fandom (+ Hussie) was legitimately trying to woo him gently. This was entertaining for everybody, including Dante Basco. (For those who haven’t gotten that far, Dante Basco is a character in Homestuck.) (As some trivia, Grey DeLisle also briefly made a tumblr in this time, influenced by the instant rapport Dante Basco had, voiced some Vriska lines, then left due to some unrelated but tumblr-typical drama.)

There probably weren’t even specifics on who was going to be programming, illustrating, producing, and writing Hiveswap- and I’m still vaguely convinced Hussie scrolled through Promstuck and then hired Shelby Cragg (Calliope’s official artist) on the spot to illustrate all his future creative endeavors. I know Guzusuru got hired at least partially due to Lullaby for Gods, not to speak in the least for Paperseverywhere or Toastyhat (tumblr usernames used just in case, dril), plus a literal list of artists you could follow through various Homestuck fan production to official product lines. With Hiveswap, Homestuck went from hobby to full time job for some people. But before all that, in 2012 Homestuck as source material was apparently endless and constant, and let’s just say by 2013, Hussie never had to ASK for specific fan content, assets, musicians, artists, programmers, writers, even money. He just had to allow fandom a place, an address, an email, anything, to let them throw it at him. I have actually never seen anything like it, this weird businesslike use of talents within and out of comic. This is why mid 2012 art assets and minigames suddenly start becoming more populous, culminating in the nearly entirely guest art illustrated, programmed, and animated EOA6 and A7 and guest written post-canon snapchats in 2016. (This is also the time the MSPA forums crashed.) Also the art, programming, and music team for Hiveswap seem comprised of former fan musicians and artists. 

One thing that’s no concern for Hiveswap: it will be was beautifully illustrated, scored, and animated by people who loved Homestuck.

In sum: 2012 Homestuck was in full swing. Homestucks flooded cons, more than usual, to such a volume of painted gray tweenagers that cons in general (and hotels) had to rewrite the rulebooks surrounding such things as panels, photoshoots, and draw meets. MSPA servers were still barely holding up, especially after big upd8s, and were constantly being upgraded. Tindeck made a whole genre tag on their site for Homestuck fanmusic. What Pumpkin and Topatoco couldn’t keep up with demand, everything was constantly out of stock. Staff and even Hussie didn’t announce when new products were released until weeks later because if they did, the entire store server would immediately crash for long periods of time. This remained true even into 2016, apparently. There were homestuck plushes, furniture, tattoos, rooms, board games, video games, cards, dolls, products you wouldn’t even think of– a whole years long scrum about establishing copyright and what could sell where to who. Promstuck was a once-a-year reality in random cities around the US or otherwise. Art Team and Music Team had quick fame gain, I know at least Music Team members could feasibly live off of Homestuck revenue as their day job. Ben Nye grey paint actually sold out before a con, and even to this day any gray paint on amazon will be utterly dominated by troll cosplay reviews. Even small trivially related products like the record of the guy who posted “I’m a Member of the Midnight Crew” on youtube was convinced to list the record on ebay for a couple hundred dollars in a sprightly fan bidding war. This was completely unremarkable at the time. 

The most interesting thing about Homestuck is that it was a) entirely spread by grassroots efforts and word of mouth, and b) a free webcomic. Though unlike the T.V syndicated and advertised shows like Sherlock or Dr. Who or anime, or the multi-billion dollar industries of Marvel or Nintendo, with nearly zero effort to be anything but weird and internet obscure, Homestuck seemed just as bafflingly popular and literally impossible to avoid as professionally advertised hollywood blockbusters, popular anime, television serial shows, and multi million video games, at least on tumblr, reddit, and 4chan, and conventions. Because of all the factors that went into it’s circuitous development, if you hadn’t read through a huge chunk of Homestuck, you wouldn’t even understand and you couldn’t even properly explain why such a niche but undeniable popularity existed. It was such a phenomenon. 

People who had (reasonably) never even heard of Homestuck would stumble upon a fandom antic and observe with growing confusion the busy masses hard at work. Bright blue horse dildo fundraised and sent dutifully to creator? (At least three different dildos on 3 different social media homestuck fan sites were fundraised publicly.) Gruesome artwork of puppet fetish websites carefully placed with pages of critiqued meta with way too much attention? Even the usual deluges of upd8 fanart and fantheory? Entire forum sites and rp sites and chat clients enthusiastically founded just for the constant need to discuss the story? Homestuck became recognizable by horns and grey paint and terrifyingly huge meetups, a nearly frantic aura and art meets or prom dances just for fans - “What the fuck is Homestuck?!” became a fandom catchphrase, because it was always being commented on. Tbh, Homestuck is the r rated precursor for Undertale in memetic inclination and story framing style. Memes, man.

And in the midst of this, in September 2012, Hussie suddenly announced a Homestuck Video Game Kickstarter. The long awaited scalemate plushes were introduced as a reward tier. And unexpectedly, a lavishly illustrated ostensibly Kickstarter exclusive Homestuck tarot deck by popular fanartists as one of the reward tiers.  

For context: The entire premise of Homestuck is that it was a transcribed gaming session of a video game that didn’t exist. Opening a Homestuck Video Game Kickstarter was a fitting sequel, the equivalent of waving an 8th book prequel in front of Harry Potter fans, as illustrated by the cream of the crop, if every previous iteration of the Harry Potter series was also free. In addition, the goal was $700,000, and Homestuck had over 2 million online fans. There wasn’t a question if $700,000 was going to be feasible as a funding goal, it was more a question of how far the fandom could goad itself into trying to overshoot it. In fact, I remember being kind of disappointed we didn’t reach 3 million. We capped just below 2.5 million including the paypal donations. Homestuck started making “official” waves in news articles and such, of people who noticed a completely incomprehensible kickstarter got a lot of money somehow, and this in addition to the typically update culture-fast result (the funding goal was reached in about 30 hours of a month long campaign,) was regarded as very bizarre by everyone who didn’t know what Homestuck was. 

Trivia: there was even a $10,000 tier introduced as a joke, where “your fantroll will become canon (for one panel, and then die),” which was hastily closed after two people actually took it. (One was an army vet who thoroughly enjoyed the story and basically wanted to donate as thanks, and the other has remained impressively anonymous.) First time I saw Hussie publicly searching for words. I really could say 2012 Homestuck was approaching some kind of mania. Considering how Homestucks were, if someone named their firstborn off a Homestuck character, I wouldn’t have been shocked. The game was funded. 

Homestuck hiatus’ started in earnest. This was due to the increased production schedule of both the Kickstarter game being punted into development, the troubled indie game development cycle, and more detailed HTML5 games (openbound) in the comic, and product production, which is, you know, was fair enough. Updates were frequent enough to keep fandom active and frothy well into 2013, where the lack of Game Updates in conjunction with comic hiatus’ were both uncharacteristic and concerning. 

Homestuck was abruptly shifted off of regular upd8 schedules, and upd8 notifiers were sadly put to rest. 

HIATUS FANDOM (2013-2014)

Here was a unique factor of 2013 Homestuck fandom, for the lack of content, fandom moved en masse to an alternative ‘hiatus fandom,’ in some kind of effort to keep together over the wait. This literally singlehandedly boosted the popularity of games like OFF, Dangan Ronpa, etc. Homestuck hiatus fans were already pro at boosting popularity through word of mouth, and these obscure-but-popular video games were fun to pimp in the meantime. A more recent, toned down example would be 17776. 

Here was also something weird. In December 2013 Hussie apparently (as creative director only) had some kind of mysterious would-be trial run with Shiftylook with Namco ips, resulting in Namco High, the Homestuck and Namco character dating sim, where you could date Davesprite (who had a surprising amount of meta character development,) Terezi, Pacman, and Galaga. It was so out of nowhere nobody knew what to do with it. It was an indication of what Homestuck as a franchise was probably going to expand into, though, and an intriguing move on the part of Bandai. 

In the comic hiatuses and throughout the roadblocked kickstarter game development, canon-side, the Paradox Space quasi-canon side project and WeLoveFine (later ForFansByFans, who took over merchandising,) continued on the spirit of fandom support- notably the original Art Contest to make new merch- now streamlined into a “fan forge” where any fan can go through a voting process to say, pitch a new product and later be hired on the most recent calendar, then show up working a new Friendsim.... etc. 

After this a new generation of internet fans appeared to ‘notice’ Homestuck, hearing it was ending, and joined in, making the Kickstarter garner a kind of shadowed conspiracy-riddled rumortale more than anything, which really outstripped the simplicity of what happened: hardworking but troubled development.

The End of Homestuck was hanging like the sword of Damocles over our collective motivations, you can still find mournful farewell Homestuck fanart floating around to this day! In fact, the fandom believed it was the End of Homestuck several times in 2014-2015. Fandom was tamping down on the corners, cleaning up fanart (relatively), tucking away the crazily ambitious scifi world spanning AU fic. The wild, raw creativity that used to be so rampant through all corners of the internet seemed vaguely diminished, tidier, more understandable, trackable, and efficient. Big Projects never showed their roughs and drafts until the final products anymore, small circles of discourse popped up in pretty polite language and with almost no capslock. The discussions weren’t on What Hussie Would Pop On Us This Time To Overhaul The Entire Plot Of Homestuck, it was more like, did he make the gay Gay Enough™? Vriscourse remained eternal, though. 

And it isn’t just nostalgia talking. I’ve noticed some Homestucks still think fandom is a rush of collective community like they’ve never before experienced, that upd8 celebrations are pretty dang wild, and Homestuck convention presences are well-established, but now? In 2015-2017? This is calm and active, there are still some cool projects going on, but nothing like the insanity that was associated with Homestuck. Homestuck was the ‘biggest’ fandom I’ve ever been in, in terms of sheer forced commiseration and activity, and it just has not reached anything close to the levels of 2011-2013 bullshittery and spark plugs. 

But the fandom is still present- people treat it like a phase, but Homestuck is still a clever story that retains all the aspects that attracted readers to it in the first place. Also, the fandom still regularly accomplishes minor feats of economics like this even in 2016: 

because that is the level of fan fervor that Homestuck inspires, forever, apparently.

I’d last like to note I’ve skipped a lot, I tried to keep it as zoomed out and as general as possible. I’d like to explain the true foibles of 2013 Homestuck fandom, such as the forced formation of entire rp websites, apps, programs, and platforms dedicated to fanning Homestuck more efficiently, how fans formed new mediums and literal ways of expression and vast organized contests on how to express themselves and collaborate better, how there was almost a fan project-pipeline system in place, and how exactly Homestuck influenced Undertale (think of the meta) and an entire mini generation of webcomics and tv show story boarders spiritually, and I haven’t even tried to explain the aspects of Homestuck’s use of framing and how genuinely interesting it is from a storytelling perspective, and how the interaction of Hussie and the fandom and serial updates affected people’s connectivity because out of scope.

...But just for posterity and context of update culture: Quoth Gankro, programmer: 

So the biggest thing to keep in mind with MSPA is that it's based entirely off of collaboratively riffing off eachother's ideas. It started out as a faux text-based adventure where people would post prompts, and Andrew would take the ones he liked and riff off of them. As far as I'm concerned this is Andrew's super power: the ability to take a pile of things (comments, art, music, ideas, people) and rapidly recombine them into amazing things. The chatlogs in Homestuck full of amazing back and forths? That's just what talking to Andrew in chat was. Constant riffing and feedback loops.... 

Anyway, this is all to say that the genesis of ideas, and even how things got developed, is honestly really murky with Homestuck? Everything was kinda adhoc, a riff-on-a-riff, and done in incredibly little time....

I can't emphasize this scramble enough. Andrew was a ceaseless content machine, and I don't think I was ever "blocked" on him producing content. Which is ridiculous considering how much content is packed into our games. (like, hundreds of pages of dialogue)

Michael Bowman, music team: 

Volume 5 going out of its way to include gobs and gobs of material definitely changed the project; the floodgates opened. I think people admired Andrew's astonishingly prolific pace from 2009 to 2012, and between 2010 and 2011 the music project had the same vibe: we released one or two albums monthly. 

-fan interviews courtesy though the efforts of u/drewlinky 

Homestuck and it’s fandom has the unique distinction of being nigh unexplainable, as in, it took this long just to fully outline how the Homestuck Kickstarter was always going to be wildly successful, and how development was always going to take years even without the incident with the Odd Gentlemen, who clearly didn’t understand why Homestuck was popular or even why that mattered, (pre- Undertale), in the first place, but with the news of Viz taking on Homestuck’s license on account of that viral-like marketability so now there’s an actual possibility that Homestuck will finally become…… anime, why not hearken back to the good ol days and be relentlessly picayune for the hell of it? 

Happy 10/25!

[aros001]

Read through light novel vol. 5. Random thoughts.

Yeah, I can see why this volume was adapted into a movie. How good of an adaptation the movie is, I have no idea because I haven't seen it yet.

A crude pelt. For a weapon, a hatchet it must have stolen from somewhere. Its color was good; it showed no sign of starving.

I love this little detail. It's follows an obvious logic but it's not anything most people would even think of. Yeah, of course Goblin Slayer would pay attention to a goblin's color. How well-fed a goblin is hints at how strong the nest as a whole is likely to be and how well they've been able to gather food for themselves.

“Yes. And we don’t have much time to search.” Goblin Slayer jogged up to an intersection, then moved close to Priestess as if asking her to watch his back. To be suddenly so close to him—her heart began to race, even though she knew this was entirely platonic.

Yeah, that went in one ear and other the other for the shipper side of me. It's only a half-serious ship, since there's the age difference between the two and Cow Girl is more likely to be the endgame (if there even is one), but it's easy to get wrapped up in the two since they're the ones I've seen the more interaction, attachment, and development between. I like Cow Girl a lot and her relationship with Goblin Slayer but she is usually up at the farm away from everything that's happening, so I don't have as solid a picture of their relationship as I do with him and Priestess.

It's pretty clever writing that the goblins learned how to make an arrow that deliberately breaks apart after Goblin Slayer did it to only one them even once. Despite all his warnings about the dangers of leaving even a single goblin alive after a battle because of how they'll grow and learn from it, it only feels like he made a mistake and not a stupid one. His logic of spreading rot was sound, especially with the limited time table the party had, and throughout the series he's been experimenting with different methods of killing and combat. But they still learned from him because he let one get away. Even he had unintentionally underestimated the goblins. Even Goblin Slayer is not infallible when it comes to goblins. A nice little added detail though that, just because the goblins found out how to create more of the arrows, it doesn't mean they know how to use them effectively, shooting them improperly while they're not even that strong to begin with and basically making all their arrows like that, hindering them in situations where regular arrows would be more effective.

Symbol of the Green Moon, God of Wisdom, and a goblin paladin. I love mythology in stories. Funny enough, because they can't speak in a way that can typically be understood, this group of goblins might have been scarier than Dark Elf, because unlike him we don't know what they were up to. We just have theories at the book's end from Goblin Slayer. The uncertainty makes you worry that the party missed something big and that it's going to come back to haunt them.

“How could I know?” Goblin Slayer said, sounding a bit annoyed. He could be curt, and abrupt, and cold. But he almost never shouted. “What should I have said to her? ‘I’m sorry your friends are dead, but at least you survived’?”

This took the wind out of High Elf Archer’s sails. “Well... Well...” She opened her mouth, then closed it again, before finally saying, “There’s such a thing as the sensitive way to say things.”

Goblin Slayer’s reply was brief: “It doesn’t change what they mean.”

Come to think of it...

Priestess bit her lip gently. He had not tried to comfort her in her own case, either. Nor when they had rescued the injured elf adventurer from the ruins. He was always just...

The faint taste of blood was so bitter it almost brought tears to her eyes.

I'd made a comment in my last post about his words to Spearwoman, how his words about her spear were him trying to comfort her in his own way, and I still feel that way with Noble Fencer. Obviously I don't like that she was raped and her party killed by the goblins but it was nice that we have a character fighting the goblins with the party whom actually did suffer through the common fate of those who lose to them. It almost happened to Priestess and High Elf Archer and Goblin Slayer was forced to watch what they did to his sister and his village, but like with Sword Maiden, all that is still different from actually suffering through what the goblins do to people. This series isn't mature because it has rape and trauma in it but rather because it takes rape and trauma seriously. We saw one end of the spectrum with Sword Maiden, her trauma making her unable to fight the goblins, and now we get the other with Noble Fencer, her trauma making it so that she needs to fight the goblins because it's all she can hold onto right now. Even a nice little parallel between her and Spearwoman focusing so much on their stolen weapons; it's not so much the weapon itself as it is the one tangible thing they can get back out of everything else the goblins have taken from them.

And yeah, Goblin Slayer doesn't comfort in the traditional sense. He offers just the one thing that helps him keep going after his own trauma. With Priestess and Noble Fencer, he allowed them to come with him and help him kill the goblins that made them suffer, and even the elf adventurer he assured her he would kill all the goblins who'd held her captive. It's not probably the most healthy of comfort but its the one tool he has to work with because even he doesn't have the answer for how to recover, just how to move forward. I'm hoping this isn't the last we see of Noble Fencer.

“I will get back your sword.”

“And I will kill that goblin paladin. Along with the other goblins.”

“I don’t mean one or two of them. I don’t mean an entire nest. I don’t mean even this entire

fortress.”

“I will slay all the goblins.”

So do not cry.

That's going right up there with "Even in my dreams?" "Yes." as one of my favorite lines of the series.

One of my favorite recurring gags in this series is the escalating and extreme ways Goblin Slayer finds around High Elf Archer's rules. No fire, no water, no poison...so he uses an explosion. And when explosions are forbidden, he uses a freaking avalanche. He didn't even cheat to set it off, as Noble Fencer used lightning (though it might be a little technical cheat with snow basically being water).

And again, nothing this series sets up goes to waste. The breathing rings were established last volume and they come back into play continuously here. It's good writing and never feels like a contrivance or a Deus ex Machina.

All thought and jokes about ships and romance aside, Priestess continues to be one of my favorite characters in this series next to Goblin Slayer himself, in no small part because their interactions are my favorites out of all the cast. They're just opposite enough to complement each other perfectly and their relationship quietly grows stronger as time goes on. There's a lot of trust and respect between the two and it runs both ways, surprising and delighting even Priestess how much faith he has in her.

Someone in my vol. 3 post commented on how we can see how much better an adventurer Priestess becomes as time goes on and I agree. It's now been a full year since she started adventuring with Goblin Slayer and it shows a lot here, having more confidence and wisdom in her abilities thanks to her experiences. She's more openly compassionate than Goblin Slayer, but I like how she completely understands Noble Fencer's desire/need to keep fighting the goblins, because it was exactly the same for her.

I just gone done with the Rising of the Shield Hero light novels before starting this series (the ones available in english, anyway) so that's probably why I'm thinking about this but I'm hoping Goblin Slayer and Priestess continue to develop in a manner similar to Naofumi and Raphtalia. In the beginning, Raphtalia is easily Naofumi's subordinate or sidekick, but as time goes on and both characters continue to grow she very much becomes his partner, standing with him as an equal as they always have each others backs. Obviously Goblin Slayer and Priestess will never be complete equals in terms of positions or abilities. Goblin Slayer can't use Miracles and Priestess isn't a warrior. But I am hoping that as the series goes along Priestess does feel more and more like his partner. Not someone he needs to look after but someone fighting beside him on equal footing. We've already been seeing some of that here and in the battle against Dark Elf with the unspoken understandings over plans and trust to have the other's back. But she is still young and still learning. Still a few steps behind Goblin Slayer, but she's making an effort to keep pace.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GoblinSlayer/comments/fwbsvt/read_through_light_novel_vol_5_random_thoughts/

[cryptolonography]

Why a big fall can be a nice thing

Cryptocurrency has been a bit of a wild ride for a number of reasons. I came from a place where I’d never had stability in my life and was at my wits end after a dance with unemployment. I discovered cryptocurrency and upon getting some income decided to invest a proportional amount. The world of cryptocurrency wasn’t exactly too different to many of the people and places I’d already been to on the internet, but it was an interesting, fascinating beast

I never really invested in a financial sense but it was more directed towards it being something I’d taken a big interest in. I did sense that it would probably change or become bigger, but I never really had any expectations of what it would ever be. Money can be nice but I’ve seen plenty of it in my life and I’ve always known there is little to do once you have it.

After being a bit too engaged with my work I finally quit for reasons of my own wellbeing and at the time I wasn’t quite sure where to go or what to do. I knew I had a bit of money which would mean I didn’t need to work for some time. 

Initially, I had enough to live for about a year taking into account a monthly stipend. That’s the kind of metric I use when counting my money, how long can I do nothing with what I have. How long can I survive without having to answer to anyone else?

Pretty soon “one year” changed to 2, 5, 10, 15, 20 and finally 25 years. I finally had enough money to survive well into my older years with little worry.

I don’t really spend much money, I’ve never had any debt in my life, I’m not into fast cars, I’m not into many of the expensive things besides buying a better computer. I, of course, took some money out and kept it as a backup in my bank account because I needed at least something that wasn’t risky and I still continue to give away money to charitable causes and software projects that make things like Bitcoin even be possible.

Once the rise happened the phone calls started. Not people asking for money, rather people asking for help and advice. I’m very staunchly opposed to giving people financial advice or handling other people’s money and its something I have actively refused regardless of any offers of money, but despite never faltering on this the calls never stopped.

“What should I buy?” “How can I buy it?” “What’s going to happen with the price of bitcoin?” “Bitcoin dropped 5% in one day!” “Did you check the price of bitcoin today, its up so high!”

Even my gym trainer began asking me every day about the price of Bitcoin and no matter how much I told him that I didn’t really look at the price (which I don’t)

Also at this time a dramatic shift happened with cryptocurrency, many of the places I’d participated in and had stimulating discussion had seen a rapid change in the type of people that would join. It was the “money guys”. “money guys” are perhaps the most irritating of anyone because they never read, they never seek to know, they just want to drum up support for the things they’d invested in. They just want to cause arguments and throw accusations behind anything critical that might be said.

Many of the “money guys” worked to do things like post on websites or make videos in support or criticism of videos and never really work with reading further or doing things based on knowledge. There are many reports of people having access to thousands of Twitter and Reddit accounts which are used to manipulate sentiment surrounding various projects.

I cannot lie and say that money never comes into the equation. It does. People I know sometimes say that I don’t do any work, but the work involved is not only an investment of money but also an investment of time. If I back a project and read into it and support it I do it because I believe in the future of it. I also have plenty of experience with knowing what effect words can have on people and I can be patient enough for my words to have value.

It came to a head when I decided to take a position on a project. It was a project I was fascinated in, the name of nature of it isn’t really important, but the developer had effectively disappeared for some time and after spending a large amount of time trying to be productive and take things forward the project got infiltrated by the “money guys” who seemed more interested in pumping up the price and then dumping it later on.

One day I woke up and saw the picture you see below. A cryptocurrency “money guy” sitting in his hotel room, with an empty bottle of champagne on his table and a messy bed in the background. “You need to buy this project” is what he said and he couldn’t actually provide much technical reasoning. It seemed very clear to be an attempt by someone who made similar videos to make a quick buck at the expense of others.

At this point, as well as having seen recent efforts at the same thing as well as a few tales of human misery by those that had decided to take out loans and credit cards to buy more tickets to the winning meal I decided that my patience had finished.

Many of the long-term people who had been following things had either given up hope and either publicly said so or dramatically reduced putting time and effort into things because the developer had effectively gone radio silent.

I gave the developer a deadline to prove progress and he failed to meet it, turning up a day later with tales of a hacked account and a number of other things. He had proven his honesty and integrity on several occasions, the project was a really great idea but its still an immense task for anyone.

In the confusion, and after the developer resurfaced much later on after basically a year of doing nothing the price tanked hard and the “money guys” accused me of orchestrating the downfall of things, basically claiming I had caused a $15 million drop in the value of the project.

A lot of other things had happened in cryptocurrency and this is when the prices went through the roof. Those calls from before only increased. The dumb messages from people who did no actual reading only increased. And I decreased. I stopped reading, I stopped writing and I withdrew.

The 25 “years of money” I had amassed slowly crept back to 20, 15, 10, 5 and finally 2. The people who had thought they were going to win a prize and had taken out loans and credit cards had lost, and they started to die off.

And although I do empathize when people lose money, it finally feels like I can get back to being involved again. I’m much happier having 2 “years of money” rather than 25 if it means I can finally enjoy reading and writing again with 90% of the idiocy gone.

Bitcoin and almost all of the cryptocurrencies still perform the exact same function as they did before all of this. They’re just pieces of software that keep chugging along and for all the problems humans create or experience they still have the same consequence: they don’t matter.

[floofsta-x]

Blood On My Hands (For You) [E]

genre;; dark / realistic fantasy, 1920s mob / mafia!AU, serial killer!AU 

pairing;; Mainly Chae Hyungwon x Lee Minhyuk [Hyunghyuk]. Also, Shin Hoseok x Son Hyunwoo [Showho] and some Lee Jooheon x Im Changkyun [Married!Jookyun].

plot ;;

After Minhyuk’s first mob kill, his initiation as you will, he discovers that he can see the grim reaper: Hyungwon, the one who brings finality to the souls of hell-bound dead. Once the initial encounter is past, Minhyuk can’t get him off his mind. Quickly, his desire grows to see, touch--and maybe kiss--the tall, handsome, dark-haired man. So, he turns to some very questionable methods.

Based on this Reddit prompt.

⚠️ warnings;; violence, blood/gore, criminal activity, murder….angst…um maybe a bit of fluff? Smut, smut to an end (unwillingly fucking a man to kill him)...Good God just….hold on

words;; 14,914 (15k)

author’s notes;; so this fic was written for the 2017 MX Halloween fic exchange on AO3! It was based off a prompt given to me by @dirtyretrowrites, and I had a really really fun time with it. I don’t get a chance to write anything quite this dark very often. That said, this fic you might notice is not as refined as my others. Welcome to Bry writes raw! I thought that by only doing minimal editing and not my usual, extreme regimen, I could capture a little more of the dark, gritty theme. Anyways! Enjoy!

am I so primal? am I so cruel? I'd do anything to be closer to you. is it so carnal? is it a sin? I'll go to hell for my hands on your skin. vicious contention, I drive myself mad, all for a lover that I'll never have. is it so wicked to want you this much? desperate and dangerous, just for your touch? I'll be a slave, I'll be a killer, do anything that I have to do. I'll be a saint, I'll be a sinner, I put this blood on my hands for you. ⟶ Blood on my Hands - HIDDN and LEVV.

Lee Minhyuk ran for his life. Adrenaline coursed through him, and all he could hear was the pounding of his feet and his heartbeat in his ears.

The night was warm and calm, a direct contrast to the feelings tearing apart the tall, platinum blond’s heart at that moment. He and his three buddies had only made it out of the alley, but already he was gasping for air. There, they stopped, giving Minhyuk a chance to run a hand through his hair and sink down against a brick wall. Somehow, his racing mind had three thoughts going simultaneously: fuckfuckfuck, what the hell just happened, and I didn’t sign up for this bullshit. His legs wanted to take him far, far away from anyplace, and yet he felt frozen to the spot. Paralyzed, even.

“Good work, men,” a low voice, familiar though now suddenly unrecognizable, cut through the air. “I had a feeling that the deal was dirty, so I’m glad we came prepared.” All eyes turned to the tall, slender young man in a pinstripe vest. “Minhyuk, you work very nicely. You’ve more than passed your initiation ton–Minhyuk?”

Minhyuk hadn’t realized that his hands were coated thickly with blood until he had felt something wet drip down his head. Now he pressed a hand to the alleyway wall, and it left a print. Standing there, trembling, tracing the impressions of long, slender red fingers with his gaze, he was re-living things he had tried so desperately to forget, though it had only been minutes, well, actually, hell—seconds ago.

That man–I stabbed him–

The world fell away as his senses were flooded with memories: taking out the plain black handkerchief (so he wouldn't leave prints), and the feeling of a dagger thrust into his hand. The victim hadn’t even seen a moment of what was coming. Minhyuk stole up behind him and encountered tensile resistance when he plunged the knife deep into the other man's neck. As he had twisted the blade cruelly, there was a croak of pain, perhaps one last weak cry for forgiveness. A red, red stain had washed from the center of the wound, running in wet streaks down the back of the poor bloke's dark suit. Then Minhyuk had finished the job with a thrust through the heart. After that, all he needed to do was push, and a bloody corpse lay on the ground, eyes open, never to move again.

It was not something he had wanted to do, but when he had been told—he went. After all, if he refused, they could kill him. Such was the mob. Dirty, dastardly, hiding in the deepest shadows.

After a moment of dead, eerie silence, the leader hissed to his comrades. “We don’t have time. Leave him here, and he’ll come around. We’ll see him back at the house, soon.”

Minhyuk wasn’t sure how long he sat there, unmoving. It might have only been seconds; but it seemed like hours, days, an eternity perhaps. Some small part of him realized how alone he was after the three other pairs of feet scurried away. Yet, he couldn’t find the will or way to follow. His brain was still whirling at what seemed like hundreds of miles an hour, trying to come to terms with himself, stuck in a cycle of never ending confusion and revulsion.

When he finally snapped back fully to the present, he found himself terrified and shivering, even through the wool of his suit. It crossed his mind that perhaps the temperature had dropped to below freezing; but almost a rebuke came back. No, that wasn’t possible. There was a telling absence of steamed, frozen breath. He was just going into shock, that was all. Something deep inside him screamed that he had to get up and move before he froze to death here. So, he did. Minhyuk pushed himself to his feet and stumbled in a direction—which happened to be the way he had come, back towards the grisly scene of his first murder. His sluggish feet carried him to the alleyway, though every ounce of him did not like the idea. His eyes widened, and he immediately realized that saliva was flooding his mouth. As if his body was in rebellion, he doubled over and lost the contents of his stomach to the ground.

Goddamn. Fuck. Fuck this. All he could do was sit there for a moment, choking and gasping, until he finally straightened up and headed forward once again, making sure to avoid the pool of vomit. Somehow, he was still convinced that going to see the dead man might perhaps be smart, after all. Peace could wait for him there, and he'd pour out his heart, maybe confess his guilt—to a policeman or two eventually, he didn’t really care. He knew he had fallen too deep. The fate was inevitable, anyway. Minhyuk had a small circle of “friends” and some meager possessions in his name, but really nothing to lose. Jail, and a life sentence for first degree manslaughter, might be a better experience than what it was made out to be.

The night was still deathly silent, like all life and sound had moved away at the circumstances that had taken place not too long ago. Minhyuk had his eyes firmly fixed on the gap that led back into the alleyway as he slowly but surely made his way there.

No police sirens were in earshot, and the crime scene was still relatively fresh, so he was stunned to find someone hovering over the dead body. The blond pulled himself back into the shadows once he saw, and covered a mouth to stifle a gasp and heavy breaths. It certainly wasn't anyone he recognized right away, from his days mingling with mobmen, anyway. The stranger was tall, having a couple inches on Minhyuk, and skinnier too, wearing a long, loose trench coat and fedora hat. One could barely see a peek of fine dark hair underneath. He was illuminated in the light of the full moon shining overhead. For a moment Minhyuk stood, unmoving, as this almost unearthly figure knelt to brush his hand over the corpse’s pale, cold brow.

Then, a distinct baritone voice hit the blond’s ear. He almost immediately knew it was the stranger's, though he couldn’t see lips moving. It was lilting, perhaps a little bit smug, and as mysterious as the man himself.

“I know you’re there.”

Minhyuk had to bite back a gasp when the tall man turned to face him. He was...handsome. True, dark circles curved under his eyes, and something seemed off. (The reason wasn't quite apparent straight away.) But it was immediately of interest that his lips were pristine and plump. They might be cracked a little bit perhaps, but still were so, so enticing. His facial structure, as well, was perfect. Not to mention his figure...he could be a model for some high end clothing catalog.

The mob man had no choice but to speak now, after so obviously having been caught. Nervously, he swallowed and cleared his throat. Despite his best effort, his voice came out weaker than he wanted. "S—so what if I am? What does it mean to you?"

"Murderers...don't usually come back." An intense, scrutinizing gaze went right through Minhyuk and into his deepest fears. Damn, there was also, unexplainably, a sudden desire blooming within him at that very moment, the more his gaze shifted across the stranger's face and form.

The platinum blond couldn't bring himself to speak for a while. Eventually, though, he managed to stutter at least something. "I—don't—u...understand?"

"Why would you want to see the aftermath of your own crime?"

"Wait--you think I killed him? You have to be joking. I'm an innocent passerby."

The stranger guffawed. "Look, don't even try lying to me. There's blood on your hands. On your face. Down the front of your suit. Even in your hair, for Chrissake." He turned away, staring into the dark at the other end of the alley. Minhyuk wasn't completely sure how the next whisper reached his ears and didn't die, even in the stale air.

"Besides, your image is imprinted on his soul."

Nothing the tall man said or did was threatening, but somehow Minhyuk on high alert. The nudge in his brain that this could be dangerous seemed to finally be getting through to him. Instinctively, he stepped forward, acting on fight impulse. It wasn't really out of boldness, but a sudden and intense fear. He thrust his hand deep into a coat pocket, ready to pull the silver revolver that was there. "Wh—who are you, anyway?"

Seemingly undisturbed by Minhyuk's sudden, intense body language, the tall boy held his ground. "Of course. Naturally, you want to know." Strained, he sighed and continued, with much difficulty, "Once...a long time ago, I was called Chae Hyungwon."

Even as it hit his ear for the first time, a burning need overtook Minhyuk to never forget the name. Somehow, it described its bearer so well—whispering of prosperity and delicacy, high class and bearing. He could be a prince. Still, he hadn't asked the most important thing. "And what are you doing here?"

"Well...there is a title, a position, I call my own, but I don't believe humans quite know it the same way we do."

"Humans? Are you saying you're not?"

"I was, once. But now...I am simply a messenger to this corrupt and evil-filled Earth. I clean up messes and that is all."

"Yeah...no. You're not making sense. Are you here to drag the body away?"

Hyungwon chuckled lowly, mirthlessly. "I don't deal with physical evidence. I'm here for this mess." When he snapped his fingers, next to him rose a smoky, grayish-pale mass, which churned and swirled to take the shape of a man, screaming eternally, mouth open in an unnatural, unhinged manner. Its features became sharply defined, even in the low light. Quickly, it became obvious that it was an exact match to the figure laying on the ground.

Minhyuk suddenly wanted to throw up again. "That's—"

"His spirit." Somehow, that lilting baritone still cut through the blond's incredulous muttering. "I am what you mortals call, perhaps...a grim reaper."

"But you are not grotesque in the least." Admittedly, at the words, the image of a hooded, robed figure with a scythe and skeleton face had come to Minhyuk's mind. "Perhaps a little pale and heavy-eyed, but..." Honestly, you're one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen.

"And that is where the human definition of a grim reaper has gone astray. We are not ghastly. We walk among you." Almost before he had registered it in his mind, Minhyuk found himself face to face with the taller man. "Our appointed purpose is to guide the souls of the unsaved dead to their eternal rest in hell."

The blond's jaw was stuck open, unable to utter even a sound, in a moment all thoughts replaced by those of Chae Hyungwon. He was even more ethereal up close. All his muscles urged him to just reach forward, touch him, every inch of him, indulge a sudden and insatiable desire and curiosity.

But the moment was shattered by a woman's scream. She and her boyfriend turned into the alley, probably to make out, and froze at the sight of the dead, bloody body. In moments, they noticed someone else was still there as well. Then the couple was back out again, pounding feet thrumming on the sidewalk outside.

"I better go," Hyungwon sighed. "I have lingered too long as it is."

Minhyuk's eyes shot open, and he reached forward to grab the almost too-warm forearm of the taller boy. "Wai—wait, will I see you again?"

It was the other's turn to seem almost surprised. For a long moment he pondered what to say, before admitting, "Perhaps. Wherever I am needed, I will be." Then dark, stately Hyungwon was disappearing, fading into the shadows, gone without a trace.

"Minhyuk, come get ready for supper."

The calling voice jerked Minhyuk out of his reverie on the couch, and stirring slightly, the blond sighed. "Alright, give me a moment, Kihyun-ah."

A couple of weeks had passed since the whole alley incident, and as expected, nothing had come from the sudden and terrible death of the mob man, at least from the police. No investigation was made, no charges pressed. Not even a blurb about it was put in the daily newspaper. Minhyuk could feel the effects in his own life, though. Some of the higher-ups, and also those in his level of prestige, were more willing to look him in the eye or acknowledge his presence. He was finally considered a mob brother, after close to seven years of slaving for it, day in and day out. He hadn't chosen the life, but that was all he had now. Ever since he had been pulled in by him. Minhyuk cringed and growled under his breath at the thought of the man who insisted on being called sir, and...was practically the reason for everything that had gone wrong in his life. Even, perhaps, his very genesis.

But that was an issue for later. Minhyuk, having taken a moment like he said, pushed himself up and wandered into the kitchen, where five place settings were laid out his friend's kitchen table. Four pottery plates, and one paper. The very top of a booster seat poked up over the edge of the tablecloth. Yoo Kihyun was setting out everything they'd need for Bulgogi, a slight smile playing across his normally-serious expression. "Make yourself comfy. We'll dig in as soon as Jooheon, Changkyun, and Yujin are here."

Minhyuk did as he was told, pulling out the chair farthest from the booster, not the one with Kihyun's jacket draped over the back, either. In the midst of his friend's trips back and forth to the table, the blond felt himself start to drift off into his own thoughts again. Chae Hyungwon... As much as he had tried to forget the grim reaper entirely, Minhyuk had been unable to. The sight of his strained but handsome face hovering near his own was the ever persistent ghost of a memory. He desperately wanted to touch him, and probe deeper into the mystery of his tall, slender presence. The problem was though, how he was going to be there when Hyungwon appeared? He could go to nursing homes and things, places where fresh death was thick. But all at once it came back that the reaper had said it himself: "Our appointed purpose is to guide the souls of the unsaved dead to their eternal rest in hell." So simply old and dying dead would not work. The sudden violent death of criminals was needed instead. An idea started to tickle at the back of his mind.

At that moment, his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. Both boys didn't flinch; they both immediately knew who it was. Two low and laughing voices were the confirmation. Then, right on cue, a small face peeked around the corner. Minhyuk couldn't help but smile brightly, and a warm feeling filled his heart. "Oh!" He exclaimed, cutely. "Is that a Yujinnie I see?"

"You're right! It's me!" A five year old girl giggled and hopped into the doorway. The blond man held his arms out, and she ran right to them. "Uncle Min'ook!"

"Yujinnie!" The girl planted a gentle kiss on Minhyuk's cheek, and he smiled brightly, hugging her close, warmly, tightly.

Moments behind her were a familiar pair of dimpled faces: Jooheon and Changkyun. Their fingers came untwined as they stepped in to greet their friends. "Now, now, Yujin, Don't crush Minhyuk in that strong grip of yours," Changkyun teased.

"I won't, Koon-ah!" She said, and promptly turned to crawl up Minhyuk's chest, making grabby hands. This time it was toward the other, short, black-haired man, standing nearby with a towel over his shoulder. "Uncle Ki'oon!"

"Hello, cutie." Gingerly, Kihyun took the girl from Minhyuk, setting her on his aproned hip and booping her nose. "How are you and your dads?"

"P'etty good."

By then, everyone had their affectionate gazes fixed on Yujin's glowing face. Her cuteness was irresistible, even to people as hardened and tested as all four of the older men were. They all had seen and done their fair share of shit for the mob. Jooheon, for instance, was a sniper, and had taken out some pretty prominent city figures. Changkyun had been a male prostitute before dedicating himself solely to his boyfriend and now husband. Kihyun could cheat at poker like it was nothing, and had a golden ear and tongue for intel. Not to mention seduction skills worth boasting about. And Minhyuk...well, you, reader, already know about Minhyuk. But, seeing this now, nobody could believe that. The four of them were together for one purpose and one purpose only: to celebrate the smiling and giggling bundle of cute joy that was the two youngest boys's adopted daughter.

In minutes, all five of them were seated, and Kihyun was cooking the first round of meat. Of course, the first few pieces went to the little girl, who widened her eyes at the taste. "This is really good! T'ank you, Ki-yoon-ah!"

"Of course, Yujin." Kihyun seemed to be glowing at the little girl's praise. She had them all wrapped around her little finger. When Jooheon and Changkyun had decided to adopt a child a couple of months ago, none of them had been prepared in the slightest for the wild ride that awaited them. First, they went to a few orphanages, looking at potential matches, but it wasn't until the last one that things fell into place. Yujin had taken to them like a duckling to water. They had fallen head over heels and though the process to bring her home was long and complicated, they had persevered. Now she was an irreplaceable part of the family.

In no time, it seemed, The meat, rice, seaweed and water was gone, and everyone—most particularly the older boys—were leaning back in contentment. Kihyun looked ready to fall asleep, as well as Jooheon. However Changkyun still seemed pretty lively, and so did Yujin. "Play with me, Koon-ah." She begged, reaching her arms out for her younger dad.

"Alright, missy." The soft maknae scooped his daughter up into his arms.

"Uncle Min'ook-ah!" Little arms reached for Minhyuk as well. "You too!"

"After I do the dishes and help clean up. Ok?" Giving her a promise and a kiss on the forehead seemed to satisfy her. Nodding, she pushed on Changkyun's shoulder, nudging him to the living room. He only stopped for a moment, to lean over and peck Jooheon on the lips, before they were wandering out.

Minhyuk wasted no time in starting to collect dirty plates and taking them to the sink. It was a potentially long job, but he didn't mind. It was the least he could do to repay his close friend for the food. Also, it gave him a few more seconds of silence. Eventually, Kihyun and Jooheon moved away from the kitchen, allowing the blond some head space. He couldn't get the events of his initiation and the following strange encounter out of his head. He was almost totally lost in them—it was a miracle he didn't drop anything or break dishes.

Some time passed, exactly how much, Minhyuk wasn't sure, before little, running footsteps came into earshot again. Sure enough, Yujin came barreling around the corner. The blond couldn't help but grin as he dried a plate and set it with the others, to be put away later. "What are you doing, squirt?"

"Shh. I'm hiding from Koon-ah!" With that, she gave a giggle and dived forward, hands scrabbling for Minhyuk's calves. The feeling of small, chubby fingers on his ankles made the blond's heart warm and his smile grow. Maybe one day, he'd be able to have a child of his own, a small person who'd he selflessly give his love to—

In my dreams.

"Uncle Min'ook?" The five-year-old's voice startled him out of his thoughts. Minhyuk glanced down to see her curious eyes on him again. "W'acha t'inkin 'bout?"

"Oh, nothing, Yujinnie," he smiled encouragingly, the best he could. "Just grown-up stuff."

She didn't quite seem to be convinced, though; and a brief second later, she asked a question that flipped Minhyuk's world upside-down.

"You've seen him, haven't you?"

She could have been talking about anyone, but for some reason, Minhyuk's heart nearly stopped at the question. "Seen who?" he replied, continuing to force a pleasant expression.

"The tall, nice man...in dark clothes. He has big lips, too." She traced her mouth, as if her own was thick and luscious as well. For talking about someone who dealt with death and damned souls, her voice wasn't any less cheery than before.

Some bile rose to the blond's mouth, and he forced it back down, making his throat burn. He managed to choke a question out, somehow. "Is he really handsome?"

"Yeah-yeah." Yejin nodded vigorously. "You did meet him!"

"Yes." His answer came carefully. "Have you?"

A little 'mhm' sound was her confirmation. Now Minhyuk couldn't wet his lips, and he was too parched to speak. Yujin's voice came out in almost a whisper, and she shuffled her feet. "I was still at the or'panage, and one night I couldn't sleep, so I decided to get up. He was in the hall. I was scared at first, but he was so nice. He smiled at me and gave me a pat on the head."

"Why was he there in the dark?"

Yujin furrowed her eyebrows, mood shifting. "He said that after he was gone, I wouldn't have to cry anymore. And Mrs. Matron died."

Was this really real? Was anything anymore? A plate came close to slipping out of his hand, and he couldn't help but gape. Faintly, in the back of his head, Minhyuk recalled that Mrs. Matron was the mean, cruel former orphanage headmistress, who had treated the children like slaves. Because of the mob, he knew a lot of evil, dastardly people, but he couldn't imagine one who looked down on and wanted to exploit even the smallest orphan child. Some of the things that Yujin said sometimes about her put his stomach in knots and made his blood run ice cold.

In a moment, however, his mind returned to the tall grim reaper. Hyungwon had...shown her affection? He hadn't as much as let the corners of his mouth tip up in Minhyuk's presence, but somehow the idea of him smiling to a little girl wasn't alien at all.

But then, suddenly:

"You like him, don't you, Uncle Min'ook?"

The blond's mind went blank, and he scrambled in his head for an answer. Thankfully, he didn't have to, as just then, Changkyun peeked around the corner and locked eyes with his daughter. "Yujinnie!" He chortled. "There you are! You're a good hider. Or, maybe Minhyuk hyung is just a good hiding place, huh?"

There was a bright giggle, and the girl ran to the younger man's arms. "He is a good hiding spot." After another moment, she piped up again. "I was telling him about the tall man!" Something went through Changkyun's eyes, maybe alarm. "You know him, too, don't you, Uncle Min'ook?" She was so eager; Minhyuk almost felt bad for choosing to ignore the question and not say anything. Dropping his eyes to the dishes, he instead turned to put a few away.

The younger boy hummed disapprovingly. "Maybe we should get you home and to bed. The last time you talked about the tall man, you were so sleepy you couldn't keep your eyes open."

"But it's true!" A gigantic pout appeared, and a few tears as well. "He said his name was 'ywon—'yugwon—or something."

"Hyungwon," Minhyuk murmured under his breath, and Yujin snapped her head around.

"See, Koon-ah!"

"Let's talk about this with Jooheon later, ok?" Though Changkyun's voice was calm and even, relaxed and unstrained, Minhyuk could feel his intense gaze. It drilled into the older's head like a factory machine. It was all too clear that he didn't believe Yujin's story, and was trying to chastise his hyung for entertaining it. Who in their right mind would do the opposite? It was ridiculous—to someone who had never met a grim reaper before.

When Minhyuk returned to his small apartment that night, jumbled thoughts swirled in his head. He got all ready for bed and climbed under the covers, but ended up laying awake. He thought that he had been in a confused state when he left, but that was nothing compared to now. There were all these questions prodding him, answers he needed to obtain. What of Chae Hyungwon? Where was he now? As much as Minhyuk knew it was wrong, and he was being irrational, he hoped that the tall boy was thinking of him at least a little. What was this new feeling, like butterflies blooming at the thought of the tall grim reaper's presence? Puppy love? Lust?

For all the mess in his head, his heart beat to one thing and one thing alone: No matter what it takes, I will find him again.

The blond tossed and turned for a long time before finally, around 2am, he finally paid attention to the tingling in his restless legs and got up, flipping on the lamp at his bedside. Without really knowing why, but with a purpose lingering in a dark corner of his mind, he approached his closet. There was a safe stashed away in the back corner, and he pulled it open. The object he needed was right at hand, wrapped in a particular, black, bloody handkerchief—the knife. He had pulled it from that first victim, perhaps as a token of sorts. But now, the more Minhyuk stared at the dried blood on the blade and traced its sleek, deadly shape with his gaze, he grew to see it not as a weapon and instrument of death. It was a chance. A chance to make all his dreams come true. Something inside him was screaming that this was what he needed to finally find peace, to set the wrongs in his life right. To rid the world of some little evil.

The next day, Minhyuk walked into the hideout with the dagger strapped to his leg, its sharp point grazing his thigh. Jabs of pain, and a small trail of blood that soaked into his sock reminded him what he was supposed to do. He was determined: in order to see the love of his life again, and settle a personal vendetta, he'd become a living nightmare to those who'd wronged him and his family. Starting, of course, with the man formerly known as his father's best friend. Ah, what a lying title. Bang Jeongmin was in all reality, a traitor, one of many. Minhyuk knew who all of them were by now—there was Jeongmin-hyung and seven others, plus him.

See, Minhyuk's parents had been part of the mafia, too. Not just his father, but his mother as well. Mr. Lee, senior was a bootlegger, making dangerous and highly illegal runs between alcohol-soaked territories and ones under prohibition; he was well-known to all the speakeasy owners in the area. Mrs. Lee, on the other hand, sometimes masqueraded as a prostitute and could use her way with men to get whatever intel she needed from the police. Quite a few attempts at justice were foiled thanks to her talents. They weren't bad people, just desperate ones who found themselves tangled up in shady activities. Each simply had a will to survive and their own, fallible human heart. This was clear in what happened with Mrs. Lee once her future husband started to woo her. She knew right away that he was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and resigned from her life of deceit. Faithfully, she waited for him every morning, afternoon, and night. Though she still helped where she could, she didn't do many of the things she had before, no matter the offer or opportunity. All she wanted was happiness with her husband.

Mr. Lee never failed to come home to her, either. By all outward appearances, their life was peaceful and content. They were very much in love, and got married fairly soon after their romance began. It seemed that nothing could keep them apart.

Oh, people tried. First there was the fact that after getting married, some men seemingly took it upon themselves to hurt Mr. Lee. He started to appear more frequently with fresh, bleeding cuts and bruised eyes. It eventually became so bad that his face was constantly marred, almost unrecognizable. Despite Mr. Lee's tolerance and patience through this abuse, it didn't stop, like he hoped. He was still working so hard to make sure the mob's every need was met, and yet they still often beat him. He began to suspect some bigger player was involved in all this. In particular, there was one big man who looked at the bootlegger with an especially malicious eye. His name was Mr. Cha Jaemin, and he was a new player, a star in the underground. It seemed that every single woman in sight pined after him and his empire. Yet, he was infamous and wanted because he was ruthless, and his venomous smile was enough to instill fear in the heart of everyone. It wasn't like Mr. Lee could just pin everything on the rising kingpin, though. A motive, if any, was unclear, and he couldn't directly prove it was him ordering the beatdowns.

Mrs. Lee, meanwhile, was suffering greatly as well. Her husband was now a far cry from the man she loved and had married. At least his personality and heart hadn't changed. To her, he was also still so handsome. Still, she worried, though for a long time she was too scared to ask about details, keeping her questions far away from everyone, even the mob contacts she still had. The frequency with which she pulled him to the bathroom and applied ointment and bandages was getting to her, though, and it finally broke her spirit completely. There was a night when, crying and sobbing into his shoulder, she implored him to tell her why he was always so beaten up. If there was anything she could do to make it stop, she wouldn't waste a second.

That was just the thing, though. He was afraid that if he spilled everything, there would be terrible consequences. "The higher ups have decided they like to pick on me, for some reason," he said softly, caressing her cheek. "Don't worry about me. It'll stop once they realize that they owe me nearly everything they have." Then he leaned down for a passionate kiss. He could barely keep from hissing in pain when his lip tore open again, but all he wanted was to soothe her with gentle touches, and satisfy her need for more when it burned hot in her breast and core.

One night, she waited and waited up for him. 1am passed, but he still wasn't there. It was the first time in years he hadn't returned before midnight, and though Mrs. Lee tried her hardest not to worry, she couldn't sleep. Laying in bed, tossing and turning, she prayed to a higher power that he wasn't dead or dying, just truly held up at work. Even, arrested and in jail. Anything was better than not being able to see her husband again.

The door creaked open. She was facing away, and for a moment she held her breath and let a smile play on her lips, expecting to hear the telltale signs of Mr. Lee getting ready for bed before a warm body slid in next to her.

But instead, rough hands grabbed her shoulder, pulling her over onto her back. The faces of several men glowered over her, and a cool cloth was pressed to her mouth and nose. She tried to struggle and fight, but suddenly she was being pulled down, down into blackness...

This was what she had told thirteen-year-old Minhyuk in her last days. Despite his young age, he could remember everything about how she looked lying in a hospital bed, an unknown affliction tearing the rest of her life from her. Minhyukie had been crying and unable to say a word, listening in horror as she had proceeded to relate how she had woken up the next morning to a red-faced, incredulous, and livid Mr. Lee stroking her forehead. A broken man, he could barely keep from crying. Pain washed through her every nerve, especially between her legs. Of course, it didn't take her long to realize that she had been drugged and gang-raped.

It wasn't until the traumatized boy was older that he learned exactly what that implied, and, more importantly, why it had happened. See, Mr. Cha had been in love with Mrs. Lee, and only wanting her for himself, became irrationally angry when she had fallen for her husband. Selfish and full of desire, he indeed had been the one giving orders to treat Mr. Lee dirty. When that didn't work, next he organized a group of his closest men around him, with the sole intent to force their way into the Lee household and violate the young wife. If that horror story wasn't enough, Mrs. Lee became pregnant and birthed a baby boy nine months after the incident: Minhyuk.

Now, twenty-three years later, the mogul was the one and only object of Minhyuk's blinding hate, but also his boss and one of the richest and most powerful men in the city. The blond felt so ashamed that he had looked up to him as a mentor, before this dark twist had come to light. Minhyuk could potentially be—and probably was—Mr. Cha's son, and that made the young man sick. Hell, he had nearly lost his lunch and dinner all over the ornate office rug when at the age of sixteen, he had pulled Minhyuk into his office and used a claim on Minhyuk's true paternity to rein the boy in. Afterwards, there were plenty of situations where it was brought it up again. It was an effort to keep Minhyuk loyal and compliant, and so far, it had worked.

After the deathbed confession, Minhyuk had slowly come to realize that his parents were completely aware of this, but had treated him like their child anyway. That touched the young man's tender heart (or whatever was left of it, anyway) and made tears flow on so many occasions. To Minhyuk, Mr. Lee would always be his true father, not that ugly man who was loving, but in all the wrong, twisted ways.

Somehow, Minhyuk managed to convince himself that this was the true reason he was going to start his crusade to "murder in the name of good". It wasn't just because he longed for another encounter with Hyungwon. Though yes—he wanted to see the man again. Some considered him to be death itself, but it brought the blond strange new life.

It was all too easy to lure Jeongmin into a trap. All it took was the tantalizing promise of premium Cuban cigars. Minhyuk hated them, but he knew that others, including his target, would do anything for them. "Lemme see the goods first," The older mob man demanded when they met in the sandy, grimy alley, the same one the first murder had gone down in. Minhyuk grinned and casually held out the open box filled with the tidy rolls of tobacco, a treasure he had worked hard for.

Jeongmin reached for them, but the younger pulled away at the last moment, tsking. "Where's my payment?"

As the traitor grumbled and reached into his pocket for his wallet, that was when the blond made his move. In nearly the exact same place he made his very first stab wound, the bloody knife plunged deep into Jeongmin's skin. Surprised at such a powerful and sudden move from the normally-meek and timid Minhyuk, his eyes went wide, and he croaked the beginning of his murderer's name. The familiar blood ran across the blond's hands, and he gripped the handle firmly and pulled it forward, through quivering flesh. In brief seconds, the grizzled mobster was lying on the ground, pale, cold and unmoving. Minhyuk stood, trembling, trying to get over the waves of shock and adrenaline, like the time before. Unconsciously, he ran his hand through his hair, getting the part bloody and wet.

When he glanced up, Hyungwon was standing there in the moonlight, staring at him. "You again," He said in that lazy drawl, and knelt down to wave his hand over the dead man's face. Minhyuk couldn't help but notice the gray mist that swirled up as he did so.

He chuckled. "Of course it's me. Who else would you expect?"

"I take thousands of murdered souls every day, sir—"

"Minhyuk's the name. Lee Minhyuk." A strange, wide smile grew on the blond's face. "And if that's true, than you remember me. I'm flattered."

Hyungwon's eyes widened, mouth falling open. "Okay, right. Minhyuk. It's not a wonder I didn't forget. You can see me. Not everyone has that honor."

In the moment, a few questions rushed through Minhyuk's head: Why were he and Yujin able to see Hyungwon, after all? Perhaps death was simply as lonely a fate as it was said to be, and they had happened upon the reaper at the brief point in time when he was making his call. Still, as soon as the musings were there, they were gone again, replaced by a single, voiced thought. "You know, I'm going to keep killing until you see me how I see you."

Hyungwon's eyebrow perked, and he glanced up. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Until you realize how beautiful you look bent over a dead body." Honey-laced words slipped out before Minhyuk could stop them.

It was easy to miss the small smirk that formed on the reaper's face, but it certainly did not go unnoticed by the human. "Did you just confess to me?"

"Perhaps I did."

"Hm. I'll have to mark this down as one of the more interesting experiences I've had in my years on the job."

"It better be the last time someone says anything like that to you, too." Minhyuk growled. Suddenly overtaken by boldness, he stepped forward, over the corpse, to tug on Hyungwon's white collar. Maybe it was just his imagination, but the grim reaper bent over all too easily. Their lips met in a one-sided, rough kiss. When they pulled away, the shorter man's eyes were heavy with want. Almost, need. It pained him to see Hyungwon walk back into the shadows and vanish. Though Minhyuk's lust in the moment gave him more of a rush than killing, he also wanted to keep teasing, have the beautiful boy keep him at arm's length for a long time to come.

As Lee Minhyuk watched the blood wash down the drain that night, he stroked himself and violently came to fantasies of the ever-so-tantalizing, otherworldly heat of death's harbinger. Talk about a guilty pleasure.

So, Lee Minhyuk became a serial killer. As the number of times he killed rose, the line between the bliss of seeing his enemies' deaths and encountering death itself blurred together. He always got a kick and a rush out of how they always agreed to meet him alone, thinking that there was absolutely no way that Lee Minhyuk, the pansy, could hurt them. Then when the first metallic kiss of the knife reduced them to a babbling mess, their eyes opened wide. Right after that thrill, another always came. For a while, seeing the grim reaper was enough, though he remained distant, quiet, and passive. Thus it was that Minhyuk's life became one of thirst, for blood and the gaze of Chae Hyungwon.

At some point, people within the crime ring realized that there was someone picking them off, systematically getting rid of certain individuals. After the sixth man fell, Mr. Cha decided that enough was enough and they needed to catch this psycho son of a bitch, now. He might have also been aware that his own life was hanging in the balance, but under the guise of caring for his men, he decided to put one of his lackeys on the case. The appointed scapegoat would start probing around to see if anyone was helping this killer, and what he was being paid for taking out those on his hit list. Well, that lackey happened to be Shin "Wonho" Hoseok.

Just like many others, Hoseok was a good guy who had gotten tangled up in bad situations. Some of the victims had been, too, before their untimely demises. So understandably, he was scared. He came into this new position—a promotion, of sorts—knowing that it might put him on the list for elimination. He was grateful, however, and prepared. So, Wonho listened attentively to what his boss had to say. Mr. Cha passed a few documents over, mostly crime scene reports taken from the police files. All of these violent and systematic killings had been assumed to be syndicate-related, and so the paid officers on the force had kept hush-hush so far, out of the public news, not bothering to follow up on investigations.

The handsome, yet strong young man set straight to work, poring through the files. Then he started to stick his hands in the muck, calling his contacts one by one. Because of his sexy body and cute smile, he could get pretty much whatever he wanted, from anyone he set his sights on. Still, it didn't seem to matter, as all he found was fear like his own. So many people were scared that they'd be next, that somehow this twisted, knife-wielding figure would find them in the night and end their lives prematurely. Wonho couldn't find anyone willing to admit they were paying an assassin, and he doubted that anyone he talked to was lying about not knowing anything of that nature, so he quickly became stuck. And with time not on his side (another two men had been slain while he talked to everyone he could think of) something had to be done. He had no choice but to go to his last resort. It would be a long shot, he knew, and very risky, but if he was persistent, things might just pay off.

So, on a Tuesday afternoon, he strolled into a stone building downtown and made his way to the third floor, where a cozy lobby was tucked away. The petite brunette secretary frowned when she looked in her book and saw he hadn't called in advance.

"I'm very sorry, sir, but Mr. Son rarely sees clients without an appointment."

"That's okay," Hoseok said, cheerily. "Can't hurt to ask, huh?"

"He's busy right now," she seemed to be growing ever more flustered and annoyed at Hoseok's sunny smile. "You don't have much of a chance, sir--"

"I'm willing to wait." Promptly, Wonho went to one of the hard chairs in the lobby, set his folders on his lap, and started to glance out the window, knowing that looking at nothing would set her at unease.

Though the girl behind the desk still huffed at him for a while, his hard work paid off, eventually. It only took a half-hour, too. Muttering something like fine, she sighed and picked up the telephone at her side, holding down the receiver hook and waiting for a moment. Presently, there was a click, and a male voice floated through, faintly: "Yes, Miss Hani?"

"Mr. Son...I know that you usually don't take walk-ins, but there's a young man out here who won't leave. He's staring out the window, driving me crazy, and I swear his pout is something even the most hardened of men can't resist—"

"Alright, well if he's so insistent, send him in, then." (Wonho cheered inwardly, but he fought the smile that wanted to grow on his face.)

"Of course, sir." As the secretary set down the phone, her eyes drifted back up to Hoseok, who had stood to await directions. "Down the hall, on the left. It's pretty hard to miss his name on the window. Knock before you go in."

The mafia man gave her a deep bow and polite thanks, and made his way closer to the office he needed. He passed two doors before stopping in front of where Son Hyunwoo, Private Detective was carefully hand-painted on a frosted pane in gold letters. Despite his outwardly cool and collected countenance, the files couldn't seem to stop shifting in his hand, and he was sweating underneath his collar. If he was caught associating with anyone but his brothers, he would be killed for sure, and not by the serial murderer. The only thing Hoseok felt could help him now, though, was a fresh, experienced pair of eyes, and he had come to some of the best ones in the world. South Korea's resident sleuth, Son Hyunwoo wasn't just a household name in his own country; the man was famous internationally. He had an uncanny ability to crack the toughest cases, even some that were decades cold. No wonder he had been so hard to find and see, people off the street must often demand his services.

Hoseok raised his fist, knocked firmly three times, and was greeted by a flat "come in". He didn't need a second prompting, turning the burnished brass knob and slipping into the room. Usually, he wasn't one to be shy, but all of a sudden Wonho was aware of a pair of eyes on him, and the weight this meeting carried. He could barely look at the investigator's desk, let alone the man himself, as he turned toward it and bowed. "Son Hyunwoo? I'm Wonho. I'm sorry to bother you, if you're busy right now. Thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

A warm and rich (though slightly robotic) voice hit the mobster's ear and melted there. "It's fine, and you're welcome. Please, no need to be so formal. Take a seat, would you?" Immediately, Hoseok scrambled to do as he was told, settling down in a hard wooden chair again before gathering the courage to glance up. When he finally was able, he couldn't stop a gasp from slipping his lips, and his eyes widened. The detective was--handsome. He had dark hair and broad, muscular shoulders that reminded Wonho of his own. They were filling out an almost-too-small white button up shirt and suspenders. His lips were parted a little, head popped up from a pile of paperwork. Thick glasses framed his eyes, and his pen tapped gently on the desk. This was him? The world-famous sleuth and warrior for justice? It had to be, Hoseok thought. He had the same voice as on the phone, and the name was on the door and also a desk placard, so there was no room for doubt.

"Something wrong? What is it?" The detective asked after a long moment of silence.

Shaking his head side to side to clear the jumble of thoughts, Hoseok chuckled. "Sorry. I just--wasn't expecting someone so young."

And hot.

"Well, what did you think you'd see?"

"Ah--I really can't say. Someone graying I think, the picture of a grizzled veteran. Or, maybe tall and skinny, like Sherlock Holmes. How old are you, anyway?"

"Twenty-four," Hyunwoo replied. "Yeah...many people are thrown the first time they meet me."

"I mean, it's not that you don't look like a P.I, and a damn good one at that too. It's just that your reputation precedes you...makes you seem older, more experienced, ya know?"

"I know." Something akin to sadness flitted across the detective's face, but then he squared himself and gave a curt nod. "But I promise that I'm every bit as good as what they say in the papers."

"Oh, I don't doubt that." Probably good in bed, too, Hoseok thought fleetingly, but shoved it down. Now the two men wore matching smirks. "Well, um, that said...let's get to the point, huh?"

Hyunwoo leaned back and gestured for Hoseok to continue. The mob man swallowed. "Before I ask...I need to make it clear that if you choose to help me, you might be making enemies with the law. You'll be saving lives, but depending on where you stand, whether those lives are worth saving is...questionable." Turning and rummaging around in the pocket of his coat, he produced three one hundred dollar bills and laid them on the desk. "Here's some money for your trouble, don't worry, it's mine. Take it as a little promise, and payment of a walk-in fee...though I doubt you have one in the first place."

Something glinted deep behind Hyunwoo's pupils. Though anyone would have expected it to be about the cash, Hoseok realized with a jolt that wasn't the case. The detective seemed to be more interested in the hand that paid it, and his eyes narrowed, searching Hoseok's face. "Okay...I'm intrigued. Go on."

"I don't mean to dance around anything with you, and that said, I think you should first know that I work for Mr. Cha Jaemin."

"As in, rules the city and the black market...Kingpin of crime, most wanted on every list, Cha Jaemin?" Hyunwoo seemed incredulous.

"The one and only." Anyone even close to the police and crime in this city knew the big boss's name. Just speaking it had a way of instilling fear into people. "But this is not for him. This is for the boys...my brothers, if you know what I mean. See, there's been someone picking us off, and we're not quite sure who. He's murdered eight of us in the last three weeks." Hoseok leaned back and flipped open the file on top of his pile, turning it toward the investigator.

Hyunwoo took it, and scanned the document briefly. "Police reports...where'd you get these?"

"Mr. Cha has his ways." Hoseok, himself, wasn't sure how. Perhaps a dirty cop or inside man snuck them out for him. "Some of the men being killed are close to the Boss, and have at one point or another been his close friends. But the reason I'm here, talking to you, is..." Pulling out another file, Hoseok opened it and placed it on top of the other. "This is Moon Jongup...or was Moon Jongup, a buddy of mine before the Mafia killer ended his life. He was a good guy...just a runner, pulled into crime against his will. He had a wife and unborn child, who now are without a husband and father. There are a lot of us who are scared, Mr. Son, because we're in the same boat. We have families and dreams just like any other person, and we're afraid we're going to be next."

The detective paused, staring at the photograph of Jongup's bloody body. It was a long minute before he spoke again. "What about you, Wonho?" His voice rumbled quietly. Hoseok swallowed when Hyunwoo's gaze met his again. "Why are you here, asking me for help?"

"I'm the one being paid to work the case, but not in this way. Mr. Cha is convinced that this is a paid hitman and sent me to talk to people, but I've probed my entire web and still nothing. I've run out of viable options. Besides, I have people I want to protect, too."

"So, then I take it that Wonho isn't your real name."

It meant protector. Hoseok had started calling himself that, and it stuck with everyone. He could have, should have, denied it. It wouldn't have been a stretch to smile wistfully and pass it off as coincidence. For some reason, however, he already trusted Hyunwoo. "Yeah, no, it's not." The mobster sighed and dropped his gaze. "My given is Hoseok--Shin Hoseok."

"That one fits you, too." The mobster dared to glance up, and had to stop and get his heart beating again. Hyunwoo was smiling, showing white teeth and crescent moon eyes with wrinkles on the outsides. Damn that cute expression. Maybe Hoseok shouldn't have trusted the detective with his knowledge, because all of a sudden blush was rising to his cheeks.

The moment was fleeting, and sorely missed as Hyunwoo's expression set, determination flashing behind his eyes. "Alright. I shall help you, no matter the consequences to my practice or reputation. If there is one man like you we can save...It will be worth everything." The detective offered his hand, and Hoseok met it with a firm grip. Happiness danced on the younger man's face. Tears were gathering in the corners, tears of relief, that was. Maybe together, they'd be able to take down this killer. They traded files, and Hyunwoo took the others and started combing. "So...what makes you so certain that this is one man doing all these by himself?"

"I don't know. There's not really any concrete proof, other than the patterns are similar and the victims' connections. Most of us--who kill, or have killed at one point or another, do it in much the same way. So yes, it could be a couple or few separate individuals. I just have a feeling about it being one person, someone no one would suspect, and that's why he's been so successful thus far."

"Fair enough. You know, looking at all these pictures side by side..." Hyunwoo pulled a couple and laid them out in front of him. "The placement of the knife wound, dominant hand, and position of the bodies all point to a single murderer as well. A...serial killer, at the stage this is at."

"God...just as I'd feared. We have a lunatic on our hands."

"It seems so."

He wouldn't admit it to himself, but for Minhyuk, it boiled down to the fact that he was getting pretty desperate. Every kill, and every day that passed, only brought him closer to his goals, but at times it didn't seem to be enough. He tried everything he could think of, no matter how inane or complicated, but still the object of his affection was transient and out of reach. Hyungwon didn't return his love, though he did seem to be opening up. It gave the blond hope, but he needed more time, precious hours, days that he might not have. The list of the original nine left alive was always shortening. Plus, he could feel himself growing in favor with Mr. Cha. The Boss often asked for Minhyuk to come into his office, only to tell him something inconsequential and send him away again, or "have him around" (the younger man heard from others what this would lead to, and strangely, he wasn't fazed). The killer inside of him starting to unintentionally look for other motives. One he found was a dogfighting ring using family pets stolen out of yards. Those who showed up to watch often bet which canine would die first. All those poor slain dogs made Minhyuk's soft side hurt and anger flare, and soon the illegal matches had to stop because spectators and organizers were too afraid.

Then things got out of hand—the body count expanded to fifteen. It was getting harder, as well, to lure victims out in the open. People started to notice that the mafia killer had a pattern. Men who usually were unafraid of anything now ducked for cover, and paled at the mention of the string of murders. Confusion reigned, above all, regarding the identity of the killer, and people scrambled to make accusations, all false ones. Minhyuk found himself almost drunk on this feeling of power, no matter how anonymous it was. He now enjoyed the feeling of blood on his hands, thick and warm, almost hot. Also, the sight of red mixed with clear water, swirling down the shower drain, became a constant he depended on.

Hyungwon, of course, wasn't aware of all of this, or the human's vendetta. He had his job, and that was it. Time to linger was not afforded him. Still, the grim reaper was all too conscious of the obsession. After that second meeting, and Minhyuk's kiss, the taller boy tried to keep himself detached and cold, hoping it would go away. That quickly became a flimsy wish. Time and again he was sent to collect another slain soul, and as soon as he arrived on the scene, knew who had done it. The blond's pattern was all too clear, and he would always be waiting. It was getting harder to ignore the urgency in the human's fleeting touches. He often grabbed Hyungwon's hand and begged him to stay, if only for one more minute. The puppy-like eyes and little pout was hard to resist, so perhaps it shouldn't have been a surprise when it happened for the first time, and Hyungwon found himself acquiescing. A heart still existed in his chest, after all, even if it wasn't beating. Rolling his eyes, he pulled Minhyuk into a hug, though it wasn't warm--literally. (The reaper was practically undead, so he didn't have body heat.) Minhyuk didn't seem to mind though, nuzzling into the taller's neck and squeezing him affectionately in return. That seemed to placate him until their next meeting, when again the shorter asked to be held, and again Hyungwon gave in.

The tall grim reaper hadn't always been this way. Once upon a time, he had been a twisted double agent. Though he started out working just for his own country, with time, greed became his vice. No one could resist the handsome soldier's charms and good looks. Soon he was playing every side he could for money and power. Minhyuk was a murderer, but Hyungwon had been so much more. One of the curses of him "living" to walk the earth and collect souls was that he could remember and name off every one of his kills, conquests, and underhanded activities, even two hundred years after he had committed them. On that last day, he walked into his bed-chamber at night, shut the door behind him, and was met with the point of a knife digging into the nape of his neck. He didn't need to know which one of his enemies was there lying in wait, because it really didn't matter. He challenged the person in the darkness to just get it over with already, and they had. (It was a woman, whose husband Hyungwon had fucked and killed a few weeks before.)

He expected to go to hell, but didn't imagine it to be full of ashen-pale, tangible people, beings that could almost be alive. At his curious gaze, they steered him away from the lines of other straggling souls and brought him to a lavishly-furnished room. These were the quarters of the shining deity, Lucifer. That day he had learned that he could see death, so he was to become death, himself. Some people earned it, like in his case, with all the wrong they'd done in their brief Earthly stay, and others just never lost the ability to look upon the face of a reaper after growing out of childhood. Hyungwon would still have a body, and a memory, but his emotions and free will would be stripped completely. Or, so Satan told him. Now, though, as the reaper carried out orders, cursed to do the same wretched thing for the rest of eternity, something was different. He wasn't supposed to be feeling anything, and yet he was. Was he truly changing, or...maybe, was Minhyuk changing him?

Because despite the reaper's determination not to get too close, somewhere along the way, the man who murdered to see death was causing a stir in his chest. Sometimes Hyungwon could swear that blood coursed languidly through his veins once more when he emerged on crime scenes that were so clearly the blond's. It had been a long time since the reaper had been needed like this, but that wasn't quite convinced that this was the sole reason why Lee Minhyuk succeeded in breaking him down. The shorter boy was not the kind of person Hyungwon would have liked to see in life, but death had changed him, and he came to appreciate the kinder things in the world. Certainly, one of them was how cute Minhyuk's smile was, another the change in his countenance when he saw the grim reaper, and yet another his uneven blink. Then there was the aesthetic side. Hyungwon came to look forward to stepping out of the mist, into the night, and seeing how the moonlight fell on the soft features of Minhyuk's face. Even the blood that often dripped from his hands was sexy, and how the other always got his hair red and wet from running his fingers through it. Before long, Hyungwon realized that he was majorly screwed. Because despite how he knew it was so wrong to love the human, he couldn't help the fact that he had taken over his entire existence. It was only a matter of time until he would crack.

One fine, breezy night, Hyungwon emerged upon a familiar scene. A body was laying on the ground, knife embedded in that well-placed spot on the neck, as like so many times before. There was one crucial thing missing, though: the murderer. Hyungwon about panicked and was going to look around, but then a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. A body pressed into his back, and lips, hot and full, moved against his shoulder. "Hello, sexy boy," Minhyuk murmured into the wool of the reaper's long trench coat.

So many times, Hyungwon had considered returning the murderer's affection, allowing himself to fall in love. But he could never bring himself to. There was too big of a rift between them, and it made things even more painful when they were close like this. Sighing, the taller tried to hold out. "You know there's no way we could possibly be together—"

"Fuck that." The hug became a vice grip, and the grim reaper jumped. He had never heard Minhyuk angry before. "We're together now. What if we could, even it's just for seconds at a time? Do you want me like I want you?"

Damn, the guy could be so needy sometimes. Hyungwon rolled his eyes and turned around in the shorter's arms. Then, half-closing his eyes, he leaned down and caught those red lips with his own. At first, Minhyuk didn't respond, but presently, perhaps out of instinct, he reciprocated the kiss, moving slowly against the reaper's mouth.

"...oh," Minhyuk gasped when they broke. The taller boy smiled slyly, reveling in the fact that he had caught the other so off-guard he didn't know what to say. Hyungwon knew that the murderer had probably dreamed of that moment.

"Now." The reaper wriggled his way out of the embrace. "I have a job to do, so if you'll excuse me..."

A soft whine slipped involuntarily out of Minhyuk's mouth, and he scrabbled forward to wrap Hyungwon in a hug again. "No, Wonnie, one more minute...one more kiss? Pleeease?"

Nights where Minhyuk was clingy like this were the grim reaper's bane and joy, all at the same time, it seemed. He clicked his tongue and shook his head at the blond. "Alright. Just let me go for a minute. There's a soul that kinda needs to be taken care of, or else you'll have a ghost on your ass for the rest of your life."

Hyungwon felt the grip on him hesitantly loosen, and he went to where the newest victim lay face-up on the dirt. As usual he waved a hand over the dead guy's face, and the grim reaper felt the spirit join his own, disappearing into him. Then he returned to Minhyuk's embrace.

"Does this mean...that you'd say yes to being mine?" The puppy eyes were on, and like always they could make the most hardened heart soft. "I know you told me there was no way we could be together, but if I asked you to reconsider, would you?"

The serial killer's tone was pleading, almost desperate, and it took Hyungwon aback. He had to pause and consider it. If this was anyone else, he'd probably laugh and insist on no. "I--I still am having trouble hoping. But I do want you."

Minhyuk reached up to kiss him. "All I need is these small moments. Even if I'm a fool to depend on them."

"But what about when we can't see each other anymore?"

"When I know that, will be the moment I can't go on living. I'll give myself a taste of my own medicine, turn my knife on myself..."

"No, no, don't say any more, you'll be lost to me forever," Hyungwon silenced his boyfriend with a thumb to the lips. "Yeah...just--enjoy the time you have. I'll think of something, ok?"

And so Hyungwon and Minhyuk started to work out the problems that came with being from two completely realms--the dead and the living--and how romance worked then. It was a lot of standing together, the human half-snuggled under Hyungwon's trenchcoat, breathing in his scent. The reaper's noodle arms held everything together, and kisses were frequent. Minhyuk didn't mind the lack of heat in his boyfriend's embrace, because the passion was there in place. If he wasn't in love before, he was now.

The grim reaper was at a loss. He pondered every possible way they could be together, but there was nothing. A couple times he prayed for something to be shown to him. Not like anyone would hear, even Lucifer. He was just at his wit's end.

Minhyuk didn't expect the day to come as soon as it did. He knew the times he saw Mr. Cha staring at him were getting more frequent, and the time spent close to him hit stretches of three hours straight or more. Still, one night, when the Boss sent for him at nine-thirty pm, a strange time and not at all like usual, something felt different. Perhaps, more final.

The kingpin always demanded that his men arrive within twenty minutes of the summons. Consequences were harsh if one did not comply, so Minhyuk made extra sure he wasn't wasting even a second. The man standing watch brought him upstairs, to a familiar wooden door. The blond had to draw in a long, slow breath of air before pushing it open. To say he was nervous was a huge understatement. If this was the night he was going to murder Mr. Cha, he better make sure it happened, because he only had one chance. If the boss was any less than shocked and surprised, Minhyuk probably wouldn't live to see the next day.

Almost immediately, an imposing figure came into view, behind a fortress of a wooden desk. The room was dark, except for the moonlight through two picture windows, on either side of the large oak construction. A single lamp also shined. All caution and concern rose to the forefront of Minhyuk's mind, and suddenly his feet wanted to run. Despite his intentions, far away from here was the best place to be now. Still, with a mental effort, he made himself stay still, and then bend at the waist toward his employer.

It might be strange for some to imagine someone like Cha Jaemin to be reading a book about legitimate business, and yet he was. Setting it down and taking off his bifocals, the boss crooked a finger in the blond's direction. "Ah, Minhyuk. Come here." The young man obeyed, dipping his head respectfully as he approached the big hunk of oak. Mr. Cha's gaze, tinged with something that sent a sweep of distaste and anxiety through the younger man, swept him appraisingly. Obviously, there was more than mild curiosity in it. Something glimmered behind the kingpin's eyes. The only little comfort he had was a letter opener on the desk, gleaming and calling his name as it sat by a stack of mail.

"You remind me so much of your mother," he said at last, pushing himself up from the chair to walk around toward Minhyuk's side. The killer was all too aware that he was being caged in against the oak desk. He turned so that he could face his boss head-on.

"You have her cheekbones, complexion...lips..."

By this point, the two of them were pretty much pressed together; Minhyuk leaned back as far as he could, but it was still no use. The older man reached over to swipe one rough thumb across Minhyuk's jaw, before the latter found himself pulled into an unwanted kiss. Of course, this wasn't completely unexpected, but that didn't make it any less repulsive. At least, hopefully, his momentary tense state made things a little more believable. The young man struggled within himself for a moment before allowing himself to melt into the kiss, eyelids drooping closed. If he pretended that the rough nibbling on his bottom lip was Hyungwon, and not his boss, it made things slightly better.

A slap on the ass elicited a gasp from the younger, and he popped his eyes open to see lust in Mr. Cha's dark irises. "You taste like her, too...absolutely perfect."

Their lips reconnected, and a pair of greedy hands pressed their bodies together. The creepy crawlies in Minhyuk's belly only intensified as he felt something stiff poke his thigh. It was in that moment that reality caught up, and it took all he had to not throw up in the jackass's face. This is actually happening...we're about to--

Mr. Cha pushed him back onto the desk. After a solid thirty seconds of fumbling with the younger's belt and pants button, he was able to slip one hand underneath the fabric. The other worked up Minhyuk's dress shirt, undoing the buttons and exposing milky pale chest. The blond did not want his cock stroked, but allowed it. In addition to letting his mind blank, he did everything in his power to keep from moaning and groaning, biting the inside of his lip. Still, how his body showed pleasure was a more automatic thing, so nevertheless he was hardening under his not-father's hand. Minhyuk scrabbled for a grip and stability and tried to claw at the other's chest too. Instead of acting as a signal to back off, as intended, though, it only seemed to make the older man more greedy and impatient. Of course, this was Cha Jaemin, who always got what he wanted and never took no as an answer. Though the mob boss didn't realize it, the younger's desperate gestures, that practically screamed get off me and you sick fuck, were a last chance to save himself.

But, again, much to both Minhyuk's horror and pleasure, he went completely ignored. Mr. Cha was all in. Now, there was only the need for the perfect moment.

"Fuck, do you know how beautiful you are? I guess I should have known, though, you are my legacy, after all." This affirmation, punctuated by ugly, heavy breathing, was followed by a smirk that managed to be lewd and sly and evil all at the same time. "On the desk for me, pretty boy."

The blond obeyed, though every fiber of him screamed not to. They were moving like a freight train, and honestly, if Mr. Cha's life wasn't hanging in the balance, the younger would be jumping out the window right that moment. Rough hands gripped Minhyuk's waist, pulling him ever closer to the edge. The blond didn't need to look down to know that his boss's hard cock was prominent through his slacks. Minhyuk's was straining his own fabrics, too. When his pants and underwear came down and off his legs, the cold air that hit it brought some semblance of much-needed relief. Then the crime boss was unzipping his own fly, and again the younger man couldn't look. He didn't even want to think about it.

Minhyuk was finally able to get the letter opener in a position ideal for the task at hand. Luckily, Mr. Cha was so engrossed in his sick pleasure that he didn't notice. "God, look at your ass...why didn't I make it mine before?" A rough finger, coated in oil, filled him up, and at that point it was impossible to imagine it was Hyungwon anymore.

The digits were a countdown: One, and then a few seconds later, two. The blond's killer instinct shoved down his instinctive pleasure reactions, and left him staring intently, anticipation and adrenaline building.

Three.

The sharp silver blade glinted in the moonlight of the office, and like twenty-one times before, it hit its mark. The force was more brutal, too, since Minhyuk was, physically, very close to the victim. For the first time that evening, a grin grew across his face as Mr. Cha immediately went flaccid, and pulled his fingers out of the younger man.

Normally, at this point Minhyuk would break the 'numb' that came with being stabbed by jigging the knife around in the wound, but he had some things that the boss needed to hear. "That's for my mom," he growled. "Like the other eight were for her, too."

"Y--you," Mr. Cha was finally able to croak, and giving a grunt, the younger boy ripped the letter opener back out of him. "You--'re the,"

He didn't finish, because this time Minhyuk found a second point: slightly left of middle, in the older man's chest. Cha Jaemin choked and spit up blood.

"Yeah, yeah, it's been me this whole time...didn't think I'd do anything, huh? That I would never be a threat? You could just gloat that you created me with that dick of yours, use me like an animal, and then move on with your life? Like you have with so many others? No, I've taken things into my own hands. I'm sick of living under your thumb." Now was the chance to cause him pain. The younger boy clamped a hand around the crime boss's throat, preventing him from making much more than a croak while Minhyuk twisted that motherfucking letter opener with everything he had. He stopped only when he knew the guy was at his pain threshold. "You'll never be my father. My surname's Lee. Go to hell and suck on that cock of a fact."

In addition from not being able to breathe because of Minhyuk's strangely strong hand crushing his windpipe, Mr. Cha was already bleeding from the neck, and struggling with a pierced lung. His terrified expression cemented in time when he choked on blood one last time and the last breath left his body.

That was it, the younger man realized in the moment. The deed was done.

Once again, Minhyuk found his hands covered in blood. He didn't mind, though. Shoving Mr. Cha's body off of him, he let it hit the floor with a thud, and the younger boy shakily got up. Turning, he grabbed a pen from the desktop, and a piece of paper, letting his thoughts and reasons flow out onto the page. He wasn't quite sure why he did, it just was something he needed in the moment. The note was finished quickly, since he had been planning what it would say for as long as he could remember.

Then, afterwards, he summoned up everything he had and headed for a couch by the window on the other side of the room. The momentary burst of strength waned quickly, however, and finally exhaustion crashed in. The mental strain of everything was too much, and he collapsed on the soft cushions, running a hand through his hair, head lolling back. His naked chest heaved up and down, rising and falling in broken time with his panting. The lingering adrenaline, and how he was still painfully hard and exposed to the world, made his face flush red. There was also the feeling of being prepped but un-penetrated, the wet of the oil nearly driving him crazy. Thought after thought after thought sped across his conscience, coming and going before finally he blanked out completely.

One more time, he opened his eyes and glanced over to where Mr. Cha Jaemin laid on the floor, cold and dead. Then he let his weighted lids fall. Everything was over, thank God. The last thing he wanted in life was done and squared away. He had revenge for his mother and father, revenge for himself.

The blond sat there for what seemed like an eternity (much the same as the first time he had killed). Then, there was a sound: the office door opening. Light, familiar footsteps only barely disturbed the calm atmosphere that had settled over everything. Minhyuk thought he heard a second of hesitancy, and a quick, stunned breath. It could have been the ghost of a reaction, though, because in moments clothes rustled as Hyungwon knelt over the mob boss's body. Minhyuk, in his mind's eye, could see that slender hand waving over the dead face, gray mist disappearing into his palm, and suddenly, he was turned on again. Moaning a little, he bucked unconsciously into the air. Never had he wanted a touch more, for someone's fingers around his cock. It made him want to jerk himself off, but something held him back.

More soft footfalls echoed through the silence, coming closer. Fabric chafed again, and something heavy and woolen was laid over the couch; a coat. Slightly warm lips brushed the blond's. Then, so gently that the human might have called it a dream, his undead boyfriend's hand wrapped around his member and started to pump. Minhyuk felt a jolt of pleasure course through him, and dragged his eyes open to the heavenly sight of Hyungwon straddling him, pupils blown and lips trembling with desire.

"Fuck," the grim reaper muttered. "You weren't kidding when you said you'd do anything."

Minhyuk was barely able to smile and shake his head. He had told his boyfriend about the vendetta during the nights they stood close, huddled together over a murder victim. "No..." He felt like he could burn up at any moment, and Hyungwon's grazing touches weren't enough. "Shit, Wonnie, don't tease...I need you..."

The grip on his dick tightened, and lips drifted down the blond's neck, sucking at a bruise Mr. Cha had made. Still, death's voice was snappish and concerned, though it didn't lose its lazy tendency. "You knew this would happen, hmm?" Minhyuk nodded. "Why didn't you mention it? I could have done something. You belong to me."

An unwanted, disbelieving chuckle slipped out of the murderer's mouth. "Can't fool me, Wonnie. You might be here for souls, but you're not the killer of the two of us. That's why I've gotta do it."

"Not quite true." Hyungwon dusted kisses along Minhyuk's jaw, and the latter could feel the smirk on his face. "It's painful in the extreme for the other person, but I can steal a soul prematurely. Once the soul is gone, the body cannot function."

"That's the cruelest thing I've-ah--ever heard."

"Yeah, it's pretty messed-up."

"I would ask if you'd do it to me, but--"

"Shh, shh." Hyungwon went to silence him with his own lips. "Let's not talk about that now. Just relax. God, I really wish I could fuck you into the couch so hard your soul wouldn't be able to walk tomorrow."

"Me, too, but...your hand is almost as good, baby." Minhyuk gave a shudder and gasp when the reaper swiped his thumb over his slit, and immediately afterwards dived into a more passionate kiss. "I wanna touch you, too," he whined, gently dragging his hand over the front of Hyungwon's pants.

"Then touch me."

The blond's fingers were shaky, but he managed to undo the button and slide underneath the layers. It might have been his imagination, but was the vein on the underside of his boyfriend's length throbbing a little?

Hyungwon slowed his strokes on Minhyuk as the pleasure started to register. Having someone touch him like this was better than he remembered--or maybe it was just because this was Lee Minhyuk, the serial killer who could see death, and consequently fell in love with death--and death had fallen in love with him, too.

Something occurred to the tall boy in that moment, something he hadn't thought about until now. "Minhyukkie? What if I told you that--that we could be together forever?"

It was hard to breathe, let alone speak, when they were constantly wasting air in heaving pants. Minhyuk was drawing closer to his end, and Hyungwon felt--stiff--

"You're hard," The former murmured in awe, and the grim reaper's eyes widened.

"What?

"You're literally, erect." Minhyuk said, breath ragged. His cock twitched under his boyfriend's hand. Simultaneously, Hyungwon's did, too, and that was when the taller realized that it was true. He even had precome starting to bead on the tip. I'm dead, I shouldn't be able to-- permeated his mind for a split second, before Minhyuk grabbed his chin, gazed into his glazed eyes, and pleaded, earnestly:

"Wonnie, please, please fuck me."

Who would Hyungwon be if he didn't heed that request? Soon his own clothes were draped over his coat, and he was positioned between Minhyuk's spread legs. The blond was spine-down, laying on the couch, waiting with breathing uneven and so much lust in his eyes. Hyungwon pressed the head of his cock into the already-lubed and prepped ring of muscle, and pushed himself firmly in, coaxing a moan from the human. "Sh--shit. Your ass is to die for, all over again."

The reaper started slow, picking up pace as Minhyuk asked for more. Their moans filled the silence, broken curses and phrases of adoration, until unexplainably, Hyungwon's train of thought from earlier returned. "W--what if I told you that we could be together forever?" Too wound up to reply properly, the blond just listened, knowing he'd probably go on, and he did. "I didn't realize until now, but you can see me...the only ones who are able are children, and...those destined to become re--reapers themselves."

"So you're saying--when I die--"

"You'll be the same as me, and we won't be separated by the burning chasm." Hyungwon dove in for another kiss, and his hand slipped to Minhyuk's cock, slipping up and down it at a critical pace. The human tightened his grip around his boyfriend's neck and moaned loudly as he finally came, spilling across his own belly.

Minhyuk's orgasm sent the reaper over the edge, too, and his cum filled his boyfriend's ass. For a moment, death felt that he was in heaven.

"Together forever," came a shaky voice underneath him. "What are we waiting for?"

☛ E   P   I   L   O   G   U   E

"So...this is it, huh?"

"I-I think so." Hoseok stuttered in reply, picking up a piece of paper from the desk, white sanitary gloves gently touching the corners. "This note seems to be the end-all...he even admits to having murdered twenty-one people for revenge, and love. I have no clue what that means though, or what the context is?"

"Yeah, Damn...we'll probably never know for sure." Hyunwoo whistled and glanced at the scene in front of him. After so much sleuthing together, time in the lab, and finding a bloody handprint on the wall of the alley where the first two murders had taken place, the two of them had finally felt comfortable enough to come to the Boss and present their findings. However, it wasn't to be, because instead, they had opened the door on a fresh, brutal scene. Two men had met their end, one was Mr. Cha and by familiar knife wound, and the other, their prime suspect, Lee Minhyuk, apparently of natural causes. They were both naked from the waist down, the former facedown on the floor. The detective had seen some pretty strange things in his lifetime, but this was at another level.

"Oh my God." Wonho sucked in a breath, and Hyunwoo snapped his head around just in time to watch his eyes widen. "Fucking-listen to this:

'Mr. Cha Jaemin will never hurt anyone again. I am glad. Such scum does not deserve to walk the Earth, let alone hold power over people. He claims me as his son, and I might very well be, as he violated my mother and I was born nine months afterwards. I found myself at his mercy again tonight, and though my current state might be conflicting, I would never allow the same thing that made me, in me...'

"um,

'good thing I have my sweet love Death to help me through. He should be here any minute, and everything will be alright.'

"This is crazy. I mean it's always been obvious that the Boss was off the deep end. But Minhyuk, I did not expect this at all..." the younger man swallowed, pink tinting his cheeks. "I guess I should have told you this before, but I knew him...just a little. Mutual acquaintances-you know."

"That's okay. You didn't need to say anything. It wasn't important to the case. Actually, I'm proud of you for not letting yourself drag emotion in. We had conclusive physical evidence that he was the murderer, and now it's all confirmed."

"Yeah...I guess. He was actually a pretty nice guy, family had been in the Mafia for years, so when he tried to disassociate himself he got sucked right back in again. His smile could light up a room. Cared for his friends, too...Yujin called him Uncle Min'ook."

"Jooheon and Changkyun's daughter?"

"Right." Glancing over at Minhyuk's body (now partway covered by a white sheet), Hoseok sighed and frowned. "Well, I'm not going to question it. What's over is over. I really don't think there's much more to solve, here...our lives go on as normal."

There was something final and sad in his words, an undertone that Hyunwoo understood. In that moment, he knew he needed to do something. The older, taller boy's eyebrows knitted together, and in seconds he had crossed the room, enveloping Wonho in a backhug. "Hoseok...I thought that my actions were clear, but maybe not. Just because the case is over...I don't want this--" he gestured between the two of them, "to end. I'm not letting you walk away, like nothing. I've really come to depend on you, and...I think...I might be, falling in love with you." Hyunwoo bit his tongue, knowing he'd taken a risk, and this could go either way.

Wonho tipped his head back to rest on the detective's strong shoulder, and their fingers laced together. "Yeah, me neither," he confessed quietly. "I wanna keep seeing you...being with you."

"Then be my boyfriend," Hyunwoo begged. "There's nothing I'd love more."

A wide, white smile spread across the mobster's face. "Of course. Gladly." Wonho turned around and pulled the detective down to him for a shy kiss. When they broke, the younger melted at the little crinkly eyesmile he was met with.

But then Hyunwoo's face fell. He sucked in a big breath and murmured, "Oh."

"Hm? What's wrong?"

"Your boss is dead. So, doesn't that technically make you unemployed?"

"Well-yeah." Hoseok lifted an eyebrow in confusion. "But that's not a big deal, I can just find another job now."

"You don't have to, if you come work with me. You can be my personal assistant, like John Watson to Sherlock Holmes--and we can fuck on lab tables whenever you want--"

"Shut up, you're so cheesy, hyung." Their lips met again, and the younger chuckled, blushing a little. It had happened a few times while they were working in there alone, late at night, and Hoseok would easily admit that it was some of the most spectacular sex he'd ever had. "As long as you wear that sinful white coat. Without a shirt on underneath? God, I'm getting hard just thinking about that."

"I think that can be arranged.”

[spamzineglasgow]

(REVIEW) Pain Journal Issue 3

In this review, Maria Sledmere draws out the material poetics of intimacy, glimmer, memory and salt in issue 3 of Pain Journal, from Partus Press, asking what kinds of dream-writing and ecopoetics we might find among the tangle, the camaraderie, the trace.

> Pain is an immaculate journal of new poetry and short, creative essays, edited by Vala Thorodds and Luke Allan, published by Partus Press and designed by Studio Lamont. Folding out the cover of issue 3, you’ll find an epigraph from Robert Creeley’s ‘The Flower’: ‘Pain is a flower like that one, / like this one, / like that one, / like this one’. Pain is a making, a sap, a sort of seedling and fruiting of where we are in the years. It likens itself to more than we’d tend to acknowledge. A blood, a fur of skin, a flower. It’s such a luxury to hold issue 3 in its peachy, matte dust jacket, admiring the beautiful type and the list of contributors. There’s an air of the covetable to Pain: maybe it’s the print quality, maybe it’s the poetry, maybe it’s the curation. I think it’s also something to do with the cover, dominated by the sans serif title PAIN: when I read this walking in the street, I make some kind of statement. It feels charged with the ambiguity of some high fashion statement, and yet what lucky readers are we that something of the contents may tell the pain — we don’t just wear it.

> Where to start! These are lush poems of communication, intimacy, sensation. Ásta Fanney Sigurðardóttir’s ‘Gleam & delicacies’ is a surreal and elliptical lyric of superstitious glimmer. Poetry as ‘a trap for the superstitions’. I find myself googling what a ‘glowfruit’ is and find some reddit discussions around the appearance of ‘glowfruit trees’ in Sims games. There’s this line, ‘I still have wild glowfruit trees. Do you?’, which feels like a summons, a challenge. Enter into this logic with me, where the one-time event of the glowfruit’s arrival has seeded the game’s eternal time. Someone comments, ‘They seem kind of random to me’. I had forgotten the magic of games and their luxurious richness and dream logic of glitches and hacks and splintered paths of narrative. Perhaps my childhood adoration of Sega and Nintendo was my way into poetry. The opening veils of an overlain world. Sigurðardóttir’s poetics have that quality of drifting between rooms and scenes, or falling between bodies and scales by one gesture of a linebreak, the slide of a button control, ‘I give birth to suns / for the morning hoax / slippery planets’. It reminds me of David O’Reilly’s video game, Everything, where you can move between a roving shrub, a celestial body and an oil rig in the space of ten minutes. What is meant by a ‘nighthaired waiter’? There is a dream-hand that extends to our proprioceptive venturing, that offers casual refusal (‘I didn’t come here to toothbrush the wolf’) by way of assembling the real and its purpose. The real which feels more like a ‘silhouette’.

> Significant, perhaps, that this poem of mirror-tricks and shimmers stands opposite Ruby Silk’s ‘Re:’, a poem that takes the banal conceit of email and pulling on tights in the swimming pool changing room to figure something of desire and its thirst. ‘we communicate drily’, the poem begins, ending with a slide on the nature of being quenched, on the question. Both poems forego punctuation, and more or less carry themselves on the turns of language: objects form a multiple syntax of moving between. Their cleanness on the page is perhaps what makes them gleam, they seem to hold their own. The gleam is present elsewhere in the issue, with Eloise Hendy’s ‘scrubland’ beginning, in the manner of Marianne Moore moving into Plath territory, ‘i too have a gleaming future. / a future like a fish scale, the eye / of a small bird’. Trauma or remembered pain is a matter of scale(s) and perception, of the body and its existential whittling, whitening. The speaker asks about whiteness, light, memory and dream: ‘all that spilt milk. all that gleaming’. You could say the gleam is metonymy for shame, the beaming cheeks, the sense of glowing or almost burning there in the situation. No capitals, a whittling. The idea of ‘nonsense’ itself, whittling down to the first gleam, its tender origin: ‘as a girl i was very soft’. The way the lines and stanzas slip, enjambed between, the idea of a passing through. The speaker offers her hurts: her fish eye, her pale appetite, her starved future, her dreams of fish bones and choking. ‘be gentle with me’, she implores. I think of this line from the film Lady Bird (2018), after Lady Bird loses her virginity under a pretence of shared experience and the boy Kyle is like ‘Do you have any awareness about how many civilians we’ve killed since invasion in Iraq started?’ and she replies, ‘SHUT UP. SHUT UP. Different things can be sad. It’s not all war’. ‘as an adult i am softer still’, Hendy writes, as though softening herself into the palest ghost and somehow becoming defiant, ‘my hand / is an arrowhead. a future / like a fish eye’.

> It’s no surprise that Pain is tinged with other existential tremors, those of the body and the world, of ecology and domesticity, of sex and dust. Helen Charman’s ‘In the pocket of Big Pig’ wears high theory cool on its sleeve as it sweeps into the muck and dirt of where we are. The movement of ‘manmade’ materials into the ‘natural’ is an aesthetic act: ‘Plastic / can holders entwine themselves around the / sea kelp — to tame and smooth frizz’. In that em-dash I feel the lines reaching out, the kelp and the twine and the human arms, the bristles. Does poetry do more than brush back the mess of the world, or tease it back into static? What are the ethics of pain’s poetic entanglement?

    ecopoets try again and again to convince us of the whiteness of the snow drift. I like            muddy ducklings               dirty reedbeds

                                                          (Charman, ‘In the pocket of Big Pig’)

If ‘muddy ducklings’ has that childlike assonance of storybook rhyme, ‘dirty reedbeds’ feels adult, insistent, dark. The place where you tangle and possibly drown. Turning away from the pristine ‘snow drift’ that pulls us into the picturesque, an ecopoetics that continues the aesthetic throwback of nature poetry before it, this is an anthropocene poetics of living in a fraught, affectively entangled now: ‘I think we’re nostalgic for more than VHS when we / fuck in front of the Blue Planet poster misty-eyed as if / we’ll ever get to show the oceans to our own kids’. Sex is ambivalently yoked to procreation in the ‘misty-eyed’ act of fucking to get back to something primal, deep and planetary. The world as it once supposedly was and exists now mostly as mediation: scenes on tv, posters for Blue Planet. And the word ‘fuck’ for sex that feels iterative rather than tender, two bodies trying to make something of what they have, an intensified point in time and space, a mediation or trace of each other.

> A similar kind of iterative sweetness and friction occurs in Jack Underwood’s ‘Behind the Face of Great White Shark’, where some new entry to the ecosystem upsets the home, ‘Since we brought you home from the hospital / I have begged these hours to a stub’. Enter the metaphoric playground of sharks and dogs, worms, rats, beans and bananas. Something of this new love, the baby perhaps, the shark or the tender thirsty thing at dawn, is a hurt: ‘I admit I have been sick / since we met, pursuing this love-wound / like a moon beyond the windscreen’. A love you’d drive to all through the night, to arrive back where you started, chaste in your own ‘dawn kitchen’ with a moony look in your eye. I think of Dorothea Lasky’s ‘wild lyric I’, the one she discusses in her new book Animal: this playful and manipulative ‘metaphysical I’ that ‘can harness all fragmented senses of self and use them whenever it needs to’. Underwood’s I thrashes like a shark on the sick shores of a new love, a birthing tide, dark and light. An I that threatens violence, desire from all angles and limbs ‘fucking ambidextrously’; an I that ‘can keep you safe inland’, that pulls you into its glow, for this is just ‘the lesser work of living’.

> It is tricky to identify highlights from a journal where, as with amberflora (whose sensibilities resonate here), the selections are impeccable: focused, resonant, but also lovely alone. Nina Mingya Powles’ ‘The Harbour’ has something of Clarice Lispector’s radiance, pressed into a teeming poetics of its own. Its section titles add an epistolary quality, italicised as they are, ‘Dear whales,’, ‘Dear dreamer,’. Post-Arika, with all talk of Moby Dick and the mathematics of the whale, it seems these cetaceans are having a real moment. Powles’ address to the whale is elegiac, ‘I can pinpoint all the places you have died, / where I’ve buried you’. She’s putting pressure on the work of metaphor, the whale as so much more than whale, the whale as what cannot be contained, the whale that cannot contain itself. Her whale is more of a comrade, a friend:

When I looked out of the train and saw your deep blue body and you saw mine you stayed close to me, swimming alongside. We were both travelling home.

What if ecopoetics, or anthropocene poetics, were something more like this surprising camaraderie? Does it matter whether the encounter was imagined or actually happened? Running through Pain is this suffering silk with its shadows and texture of echo and gleam, ‘the dream is wet skin against her hands / the fact is echolocation’ (Powles). I’ve been thinking about what the tensile ethics of this fugitive touch are: the touch of the image, the whale and the speaker on the train, the relative distance of speed and time between them, the hospitality she extends to the animal she is also. ‘I’ll show you my mother’s potted orchids’, in a world where to cross one human threshold is to know that later the sea will be deep enough for you once more. Pain asks how much of each other we need to hold. There’s this passage from Hélène Cixous’ novel Hyperdream (2006) that speaks to this:

I hear it, I hear a murmur your skin speaks, a blood thinks, I hear your thought running under the skin I hear your life thinking under the neat eternal spotless silk. I read with my life. I am torn. At the same time I am healed and glued back together again. During this time the world suffers and dies [...]

What is the murmur of our speaking skins, our thinking blood? The body that dreams? One pain can open the next, there’s a gesture of infinity, the way that Anne Boyer identifies in her ‘meditation on modern illness’, The Undying (2019): ‘My new calamity meant it was possible to feel every cell at once and, in these, every mitochondrion, and that it was possible, too, to have a millionfold shitshow of sensations in locations newly realised’. To have your body illumined, intensified, surged to the end of each nerve and cell with this searing consciousness. When I had shingles, I felt real dreams; they seemed to extend to a million tips, concentrated in clusters on the skin of my belly. Real dreams/real hurt. Is a body in pain the body that dreams the most, from her almost-paralysis in sensory excess? I think poems like Powles are asking these questions, declaring, spacing, opening up, leaving us on the brink of a blank that is its own quiet sublime, ‘everything is so !’. And if ‘the fact is letting go’, what of the fact have we been holding all along? Is this like Creeley, gesturing towards this or that flower, as a way of describing, to insist on it. Something we ask as children: does a flower or a plant feel pain? Pain, pain. There it is in the world, it just is, like a flower, or something more tiny and abrasive, salt after salt. A period.

> Rowland Bagnall’s essay ‘The Metal We Call Salt’ closes the journal with a meditation on the poetry of Philip Levine and Elizabeth Bishop, writers who ‘[address] the delicate failure of poetry to say the things which can’t be said’. This is Creeley, surely, with the flowers which stand for the shapeless pain. I’m reminded of a line from Rachael Allen’s ‘Kingdomland’: ‘the glass and salt my crooked pathway; impassable glass and salt’. The glittering remainders which excoriate the entry and exit of threshold, painful debris of the sea. This is the ‘tantalising’ poetics that Bagnall writes of, words that ‘say that they are lost for words’, words that gift and withhold by their material gesture: words that carry traces of what they may be. Salt-tanged and gleaming as glass. ‘What got revealed when the layers of leaves / Were blown backwards?’ Ralf Webb asks, in his ‘Three Sonnets’. What is it to walk over the crunching ‘pathway’ of such poems for pain, ana-cathartic as they move into, above, through, around and from the wound and its ferric sting? The essay also looks at the paintings of John Salt and photographs of Mark Ruwedel, considering how as a preservative and purifier, salt as both an archival and corrosive mineral: art as what consumes and reveals, what glints with the not yet spoken. Salt in the wound for pain will sting, but it will clear. These poems are such interfusions, sweetness and dreams, the ‘torn’: healed and suffering of a life and a world, coming over. And, for just a while, Pain will hold you together, soft in its peachy embrace.

Pain issue 3 is out now and available to purchase here.

~

Text: Maria Sledmere

Published: 5/1/20

[builderallblogger-blog]

Why Creating Great Content Is The Only Online Marketing Strategy You Need To Follow

When you hear the words "online marketing", what comes to your mind? Social Media? Facebook? Search engine optimization? Blogging? WordPress? Or maybe you think about online advertising, pay-per-clicks, and search engine marketing. I believe there is one word that everyone thinks about when they hear the term "online marketing", and that word is "difficult." Online marketing is difficult. If you want to know more then just review here.

Have you ever talked to a marketing guru about online marketing? Don't they all give the same, vague, generalized advice when it comes to online marketing? First, they tell you to hire a SEO firm, then they tell you to blog, then they tell you to use social media, and after you've done all of this, they tell you that you'll start receiving traffic to your website. Every marketing guru says the exact same thing, and the advice is always vague. Even the in-depth advice about online marketing is vague. Have you ever read an article about online marketing? Try this when you have some free time. Research "online marketing strategies" on Google and click on and read some of the articles. You don't have to look past the first page on Google. Just read some of the top articles that Google returns. This is a compare and contrast exercise. Once you complete this, you'll realize that all these articles sound the same. The first paragraph gives you a brief overview of what online marketing is and why it is so important. Then the list starts. Now after you've completed this exercise, you probably realize that the titles of the article all have something in common; they're all formatted as a top-ten list. They all look like this: "7 Online Marketing Facebook Strategies to Increase your Fan Base." Now, this isn't problem. I like the top-ten list format. It makes the article more appealing to the reader. What I don't like about majority of these articles is that almost everyone's top-ten list is the same. They all give the same online marketing strategies and advice. I mean c'mon; these are the experts! These are professional writers, writing for some of the biggest companies in the world. Why do majority of the articles sound the same? Because again, online marketing is difficult! No one likes to be wrong or give bad advice. The writers are just writing the same vague, generalized advice that the marketing gurus say. I could go on-and-on, especially when it comes to online marketing workshops, but I'm not going to; I think you've gotten the point by now.

In this article, I'm going to attempt to do something that's rarely done. I'm going to attempt to give you original and effective advice about online marketing. I'm going to be completely honest. I will not give you outdated strategies that do not work just to make my article longer. These strategies will work. How do I know? Because, I run a company and they're currently working for me. I have experience in this area and I've made many mistakes in online marketing, so I know what works and what doesn't work. So, without further ado, here are my online marketing strategies that will definitely help your business gain more exposure online.

Online marketing is all about the kind of content you're creating. First of all, the best online marketing strategy is creating content. Hands down! Sure, Facebook likes, retweets and social media shares on other popular social media sites like Pinterest, Instagram, and Reddit are cool, but do they really increase profits for a business? Think about it, how many times do you patronize a business because you liked their Facebook post? Exactly. I believe social media is very powerful but only works if you have great content. Content can be anything. It can be from a very nicely written article to a fashionable t-shirt with a clever phrase on the front. Content can really be anything. I believe majority of the businesses out there think that just posting a catchy post on Facebook along-side an eye-catching photo will increase their consumer base and ultimately their profits. This just isn't true. If online marketing were that easy, everyone, including the average person would be an expert at online marketing. Anything in this world worth having takes hard work and time; the results from an effective online marketing campaign are no different. Creating great content isn't easy; however, when you do create great content, there are so many resources at your disposal that could potentially help that content become viral. Have you ever saw a video on Facebook or YouTube that has hundreds of shares and thousands of likes? The reason that video went viral is because of the content. The average person isn't a marketing guru and doesn't have a social media budget; all they have is their imagination. That's all you need to create great content.

So, now that we've established that creating great content is the best online marketing strategy, I'm going to show you how to create great content. As I stated earlier, creating great, viral worthy content isn't easy. However, there are so many resources to help that content go viral; creating the content is really the only hard part. Creating great content requires research. You have to think about what's trending in the world. Too many marketing gurus think that the only thing that can go viral is a funny YouTube video and that's just not true. If you're not funny, don't try to be funny. You don't have to be funny. Play to your strengths. You just have to be creative, persistent, and use your imagination. There are a lot of things that are trending in the world. Pick one. Create content about a subject that's important to you. The more important it is to you, more than likely, the better the content will be. The next step is to create the content using a media that's popular. There is a reason why videos are more likely to go viral than an article. A great article can go viral, but it will definitely take longer. People enjoy videos more; there's no reading involved in watching a video. Your video doesn't have to be aesthetically appealing and you don't have to be an expert in video editing; it just has to be interesting. And don't worry, you can always learn about video editing and special effects while making the video; it's not exactly rocket science, it just takes a little practice. The next step in creating great, viral worthy content is relating that content back to your business. This might be the hardest part, but, if done correctly, is a game-changer. The ultimate goal is conversions, however, why do you need to convert people through the content? That's the mistake that many marketing gurus make. Great content may not raise your profits right away, but it's not supposed to. The purpose of content marketing is to raise awareness of your business. The profit gains will come in the future, not immediately. As long as the content relates back to your business (in some kind of way), you're good. The next step in writing great content is your content has to solve a problem. Consumers have problems, even if that problem is ignorance, meaning, not knowing enough about a particular subject. Great content solves problems and enlightens consumers. That's why great content goes viral. Consumers share things that they've recently learned because everyone has the inner-urge to help someone else in need.

So, let's the recap. The best online marketing strategy is creating great content. There are five steps to creating great content:

Pick a topic that's trending

Use a popular medium to create the content (i.e. WordPress)

Relate the content back to your business

Make sure the content solves a problem or enlightens consumers about a particular subject.

The last and easiest step in this process is to share the content, everywhere.

When sharing the content, use every avenue you can think of. Social Media, Blog, YouTube, PR, press releases, etc. Don't be stingy. Great content is meant to be shared with the world. See, I told you I'd give you advice that actually works. Stop worrying about all that other stuff, like building backlinks using automated software. Google hates that anyway, but that's another subject for another day. Take care!

[joshhutchsource]

Josh Hutcherson AMA Transcript

This is the transcript from Josh’s AMA on Reddit on February 16th, 2017.  All spelling and grammar errors are as written by the original people  This is very long, so the majority is under a read more.

Q:  Do you miss working with the Hunger Games cast?

Josh:  yes... they were the best! family forever. i miss them all dearly... however we still hang now and then and keep in touch.

Q:  Hi! What's your favorite television show to watch?

Josh:  the Bob Ross painting show... i can benge for hours

Q:  Hey Mr. Hutcherson, is there any actor (that you have not yet worked with) that you wish to work with someday?

Josh:  so many.... joaquin phoenix is up there for sure.

Q:  Hi Josh, You got second class treatment from Rosemary Telesco and continued with Katniss Everdeen. Does it hurt your feelings?

Josh:  hahaha.... life imitates art…

Q:  What do you define as your first "big break" into acting and that business?

Josh:  For me my first ever job was personally my big break.. I was 9 and I held a goat in the backgroud for a bible study video in ohio.... everyone starts somewhere…

Q:  How do you go about choosing a script that you want to work on, both for this project and other professional work?

Josh:  I want originality. Characters that are bold and have clear voices. i also want to push the boundaries of what reality is.

Q:  Hey Josh! What is the craziest encounter you've had with a fan?

Josh:  i had two girls and their mom show up at my door a few years ago during christmas with my family..... that was..... awkward. Im not answering the door next time. Haha

Q:  do you think 2017 is going to be a good year?

Josh:  hard to believe it can be... however I feel like so many people are getting involved that werent before... this is a moment when people feel energized.

Q:  If you had not been an actor, what profession would you have done?

Josh:  i like building stuff... and i like photography... maybe building stuff and taking pictures of it... if thats a job

Q:  Because Im sure you get the same questions over and over - what's your favorite day of the week, and why?

Josh:  Thursday... not becuase im here... but because i like how the word looks. and wednesday is finally over.

Q:  JOSH is there anything you couldn't live without?

Josh:  my freedom of speech and gluten

Q:  your favorite song at this moment?

Josh:  Lazarus by David Bowie

Q:  Why were you such a little bitch in the hunger games ?

Josh:  i prefer other words... however this little bitch survived. so... yeah.

Q:  Which country do you think is the safest in a zombie apocalypse?

Josh:  Iceland... no doubt. Zombies hate Byjork

Q:  What's your idea of a successful person. What would make someone successful in your eyes?

Josh:  A person who is comfortable in their skin... I'm defintely not. I have gotten better as time goes on but someone who is and who is genuine is successful for me.

Q:  Do you have any advice for someone dealing with depression?

Josh:  I'm not certified to answer this sort of thing. However I go back to perception. As well as really find what you care about and express it. film, music, walking... whatever it is that you can connect with is what i try to lose myself in.

Q:  i feel like, in my mind, i always associate you with the jungle. Why is that?

Josh:  that really makes me smile. I love the jungle and i feel a part of it often. thank you.

Q:  hi josh, I'm not very good at english so I can't write a good question but do you like mango?

Josh:  yes... im human. never trust someone who doesnt

Q:  What do you think about Darren Aeronosfsky as a director?

Josh:  I think hes great... requiem is on point!!

Q:  Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Josh:  here in this ama.

probably isolated somehwere thinking of ideas of things to make movies about. I dont know!!!! cant think that far ahead honestly.

Q:  in ten words can you describe your experience directing "Ape"?

Josh:  BEst experience of my life creatively hello cars cat apples

Q:  What's your favorite food?

Josh:  Skyline Chili... Only available in the greater Cincy area…

Q:  You still here? And if so, what do you think of the Oscar contenders this year?

Josh:  Moonlight!!! That movie was incredible. I also really loved LA LA Land. those two really stood out for me. so many great performances though. Denzel was on point!

Q:  Donald Trump or President Snow ?

Josh:  I mean... one in the same right?

Q:  How are Driver and Manchi?

Josh:  they are the loves of my life.... I worship them. I believe they are quite happy. they get plenty of love and attention!

Q:  ‼️‼️‼️ BERNIE SANDERS !!!! ❗️❗️❗️❗️

now that i got your attention,

Do you watch TV SHOWS ? If yes which one

You are such an inspiration to me. After almost 10 years as a fan, im really proud of you and everything you've achieved! I cant wait to watch ALL your upcomings projects and you are such an AMAZING human being Joshua. Thank you for everything. Seeing you in Paris in 2015 was the best moment of my life, i hope i will see you again and talk with you. Please don't forget your fans, we love you so much. (We missed you so much) Will you ever come back in France? :)

Josh:  THANK YOU!! that made my day=] I love france and would love to come back!

I do watch some tv... not so so much. I really love GIRLS. that show is so perfect in so many ways. Ive never seen a show that feels more flawed and honest like that one. Best characters ever.

Q:  Really wanna know if you'll keep supporting Bernie although the election is over?

Josh:  ABSOLUTELY. we must. things are crazy now but we need to vote in local elections and keep our voices loud. I miss the days when Bernie was a real option…

Q:  Hey Josh! Congrats on your director debut of "Ape." Were there things you did differently as an actor because you were also the director? How did it change your perspective?

Josh:  it was hard... I liked it a lot but it was tough because i couldnt watch the monitors obviously so i had to make notes in my mind while acting in the scene... i realy liked this experience though and i have somehow even more respect for directors than before.

Q:  Do you believe in a real life happy ending? If yes, what would you tell someone who kind of lost hope?

Josh:  I think a happy ending is possible. I really believe its all about perception. If you can learn to manage that then you can find ways to be happy all the time

Q:  HEY JOSH! I'm so glad you have finally done an AMA!

What advice would you give you're teenage self when entering the theatre/acting community?

Josh:  thick skin. actors are the most insecure and insane types of people... with that you need to have thick skin to deflect the dissapointment and let downs and judgements.

Q:  Do you want to repeat the experience as a director??

Josh:  No doubt. I loved it. its extremely addictive and Im feining fo some mo.

Q:  Hi Josh ! How are you ? Will there be a French subtitled version for Ape ? I'm a French fan :) Thank you !

Josh:  oui... i think.

Q:  Yooo RV was a dumpster fire of a movie...that being said, how awesome was it to work with Robin Williams??

Josh:  hahahahah! Robin is a saint... biggest heart in the world and never a dull moment. he was the best.

Q:  What kind of movies would you like to direct in the future?

Josh:  I like stuff that bends reality and questions the human condition... bending the rules. I love films like being john malkovich and eternal sunshine of a spotless mind

Q:  Hey Josh! What's your all time favorite movie or a movie you think everyone needs to see?

Josh:  Two for the Road. 60's film that was way ahead of its time and has inspried so many modern love stories. its great!

Q:  Hello, Josh! As an aspiring filmmaker, I know how tedious making any sort of film can be. What gets you motivated to create? Also, what’s your favorite snack? Cause, duh, snacks are some of the best motivators.

Josh:  Honestly I think i get inspired when i see a dope movie... like when i saw moonlight i just wanted to go out and create something personal and important.

Also sitting in a restaurant looking around and making up stories about the people...

Snack..... kale. Fuk off kale!! frosted flakes

Q:  JOSH. Huge fan, you're awesome, yadda yadda ;)

You're such a strong ally to the LGBT community. How did you get involved with your organization, Straight But Not Narrow? What is your advice to the community in the wake of certain political events?

Josh:  We started SBNN becuase it felt like there was a lack of outreach to bridge communities together... especially in schools where bullying is brutal. I think now more than ever showing your support to your neighbors is paramount in surviving whats going on.

We are all here and human

Q:  What was it like working with Mark Ruffalo?

Josh:  Hes the best guy in the world. I love that human!

Q:  Josh! Favorite 80's movie?

Josh:  Lost Boys

Q:  Do you have any directorial advice?

Josh:  prepare!! Its so important to know what you want to make so when youre there on set you have it all set up.

The script is the absolute base for everything. understad it inside and out.

Q:  Hi Josh!

You and I went to the same school, and you even lived in the same neighborhood as some of my close friends. We’ve never met because you always looked like you wanted privacy and I wanted to respect that, plus I’m a shy person who wouldn’t have known what to say. I’ve always wondered if you felt like you sort of missed out on your high-school experience, and if that impacted you on a social and mental level.

I’m trying to pursue my dream of becoming a published author, but sometimes I just feel like it’s never going to happen and that I’ll never be successful in the only thing that I’m passionate about. What advice would you give to someone who’s been told over and over again to give up their dream and focus on a more practical plan for their life?

Thanks for doing this AMA! It’s really awesome seeing someone from Union doing what they love!

Josh:  I think that going for something different in life is for sure the most important thing to do... FUCK THE HATERS!

Only you can stop yourself from going for it.

that should be on an inspirational cat poster...

Q:  How would you beat up Donald trump?

Josh:  With knowledge.... it seems to be his biggest weakness…

Q:  Would you rather be attacked by 50 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?

Josh:  One horse sized duck.... no question... Ive seen some big ass ducks…

Q:  What are the kind of things you learned while working your blockbuster role in "The Hunger Games Trilogy"?

Josh:  TEAMWORK. we had massive crews and it is not possible without all that.

Q:  Josh Do you have any Tips for a Happy life?

Josh:  Inner happiness... you wont find it in anything else in the world. thats the only way to get by and be happy

Q:  what is the number one thing on your bucket list?

Josh:  go to patagonia…

Q:  Was this role challenging for you to play and how do you think you did?

Josh:  It definitely was challenging... its a deep and dark place to go to and I like tapping into that side of myself... I think I did alright... Im my hardest critic

Q:  It's so easy to hack me because all of my passwords are your name, what do you think about that?

Josh:  Its kinda dope,... maybe try changing it for a bit?

Q:  What is your favorite horror movie?

Josh:  I really like It Follows... and classics like the shining of course... some chronenburg stuff too... butchered that spelling

Q:  Is it harder to be an actor or a director?

Have you thought about being in another large franchise such as the hunger games?

Josh:  Hmmm. I would say that directing definitely requires a shit ton more focus and work!!! Id say thats more challenging for sure

Q:  Are you looking forward to doing the full length APE?

Josh:  YES!!! The plan is to fastrack this into production after the short comes out. the feature is even deeper and darker... gonna be weird…

Q:  If Peeta tried to fight you, could real life you take him down?

Josh:  fuck yeah!!! well... maybe not. I have a ferocious side that I can tap into.

Q:  Hi Josh (my brothers name too) What is the most Hollywood thing you have done/seen so far?

Josh:  dont ever come to hollywood for a vacation... its tacky and nothing like they make it seem. Hah.

Q:  There's definitely a theme of dealing with mental health issues in your film. Is this something you've dealt with personally?

Josh:  There have been moments where I've questioned my mental state... haven't gone too far down that road but I think it's beyond interesting to try to empathize and deal with people who are dealing with those.

Q:  hey josh! the other night i was really high and felt like i was you. did you feel it too?

Josh:  Wait... was that monday?? I felt something then…

Q:  Hi,

What is your dream role, if you could have any in the world, and what is your dream directorial role (genre, plot, cast to direct)? If you had to pick one of these, dream role or dream directing opportunity, which would you prefer to do?

Now this is the obligatory thank-you part that I could not pass up the opportunity to post, considering how much your LGBT+ work has meant to me:

I figured this would be a good opportunity to send some well-deserved thanks your way and hope you see it…! This idea of wanting to thank you started in a letter I started writing a good few years ago now… which I still happen to have in my bedside table, because it never got sent. (I don’t think I ever figured out where to send fan-mail to you, which didn’t help my cause.)

I don’t remember, when I was younger, knowing of any out actors. I’m 20 now, but up until my mid-teens, there was a big blank space around the ideas of ‘LGBT+’ and ‘the world’ being connected for me. I’ve known I was gay since I was 11, but the experience was very isolating, not knowing any gay people in real life. I had no foundation to go on, no experience in this, and obviously felt as though I couldn’t talk with anyone about it, even though I remember very few support-type services.

I remember seeing you in Zathura (my Dad loves Jumanji, so it was bound to happen) and ever since then, I think I’ve just sort of stuck with you. I must have seen that movie when I was about 12/13, and I think that’s when I started to hear what it was you were saying, because I noticed it was relevant to me. I followed what you were saying, and as I got older and more aware of myself and the world, it really started to have an impact on me. I felt as though that was my connection, as though that was my way of learning partly about who I was.

Even though you weren’t gay, the fact that you were only a few years older than me and were into the things and the field I also enjoyed really helped me relate to you. Because I related to you and because you actually meant something to me, the message you seemed so passionate about really resonated with me and it gave me a sort of courage and hope I don’t think someone older (or just generally someone whom I didn’t look up to) would have been able to instil. For the first time, someone I liked and someone I respected was talking about this thing I wasn’t able to share with anyone else. And they were a proper force in the ‘wider world.’

I never really struggle with ‘being gay,’ but I struggled with what other people might have thought, and again your dialogue helped with that. It was just so amazing to see someone whom I respected acting in a way that showed me he would treat me and people like me just as he would any other person. Even though it wasn’t a two way conversation between us, I felt that because you were a person with such a big stature who was brave enough to say this in public, that surely you knew people like me were out there and you were at least partially talking to us.

In the big scheme of things, I didn’t have it as hard as some others do, and I never want to take that for granted. My parents are relatively liberal and Australia is an OK climate to LGBT+ in. But I still found that it was hard to relate who I was with something bigger, and it was scary thinking about whether I would have to start a journey of discovery (not just self-discovery, but a discovery of ‘everything LGBT+’ I suppose you could say) on my own. Simply said, you helped me bridge the gap that I think sometimes people forget exists, even for young LGBT+ people in “supportive” environments. Just because they’re supportive doesn’t mean they’re informative or comfortable.

Nowadays, I’m so happy when I see younger celebrities come out, because I know how much that visibility and that platform means to young LGBT+ kids who simply want to see someone like them on television or in the media. Ellen Page, Charlie Carver, Tom Daley, Troye Sivan, Gus Kenworthy, etc, are all fantastic people that I just know will help make all the difference in someone’s life, as you did in mine.

So, all in all, I just wanted to thank you for everything you’ve done and continue to do for me and everyone else like me! I think it’s fair to say you’re not just an ally, but a friend too. I hope one day I get to shake your hand and thank you in-person for what you’ve done.

(...well this is the most personal thing I've ever written on this website.)

Josh:  Of course! I think its beyond important to give people their voice and fair shot at what they want from life. GET OUT OF THE WAY HATERS!

Only light can drive out dark.

[kiliinstinct]

The End of The World As We Know It

Reddit Prompt turned mini-series ficlet. A humorous tale of War Spirits, Car wrecks and a lonely woman who has way too much time on her hands.

Also quite literally something I just wrote up within the past two hours while doing my laundry.

Current Rating: pg-13

-

He was fire. Born of it- molded by black embers and a thirst for war/ From the very moment he could breathe, hold knowledge of the world, he knew the power that flowed inside of his veins. He knew his v e r y purpose.

The beast was made to bring ruin and destruction. The world of man had grown too vast, too stupid; taking for granted their own homes, destroying the very world they lived on. It was glorious. And there was to come to an end to that life and he would be the start of it.  Etherious they called him and the screams of his victims would become his future lullaby.

He was Etherious Natsu Dragneel, a Spirit of War- and he was the apocalypse men feared.

“Come at me ya’ metal cows!”

He was also in deep shit.

Coming to the human world had not gone as planned. Men were supposed to fear him, so he’d been told. They were supposed to cower, to plead for their very lives!  No one had told him the very moment he appeared in this world that he’d be bombarded by the most atrocious smells with iron walls stretching to the skies! Where were the thatched roof houses? The flammable tables and miles of wheat fields he could set alight, causing famine to hundreds?

This was not what he’d been told. Upon leaving the small alley, a man even dared to accost him for his jacket. Tried to tear it from his very back! (Of course, the fool failed. He fell back into a pile of Garbage with a mere flex of Natsu’s finger against his forehead. Pitifully weak really.) - but why had he dared?

No fear. No reverence. Did the smelly human NOT realize just WHO he was> And to add insult to injury a hairy beast he knew to be a dog dared to PEE on his boots! Purely baffling. Absurd really.

It had to be corrected. To be fixed. This error would NOT continue any longer! And so he looked o upon this smelly world and saw the humans inside the very cows! Also made of iron? How backward had this world grown?

No wonder he was created to destroy it. And he would start now. Forcing these hulking, bovine beasts to expunge themselves of the vile humans they consumed via fire. He would burn them all and relish the screams as they realized that true terror had only begun! So he stepped out into the hard, soot-covered road and shouted out his battle cry!

Imagine his surprise when the cow screeched, spinning its hooves in an attempt to dodge him while no spark of flame ignited on his fingertips.

“- wait what the hel---?!!”

It hit him out right. Smacked him in the abdomen and sent him flying back and rolling to the ground. He even heard a crack or two before he stopped and the shouts of onlookers were indeed of horror, but not in the way he imagined it.

He coughed, blood and even a tooth left his mouth and soon he felt hands rolling him over- speaking words he could not understand. What was that buzzing and ringing noise bouncing about his ears? Why was his vision so blurry-? Why were disgusting humans touching him? Absolutely repulsive!

For the first time in Natsu’s life, he had lost a battle. To a great, metal cow. He would have to rethink his strategy.

And that was the Spirit of War’s first experience with a car accident.

-

To say Lucy was freaking out would be an understatement.

The Lucy Heartfilia. Daughter of Jude, owner of the Heartfilia Metro- one of the largest public transits in the city. A woman with not ONLY a Masters in publishing but a well-known editor at that! The girl who graduated Valedictorian, top of her class. She was the smart, gorgeous, Lucy Heartfilia- and was possibly getting charged with Manslaughter.

The psycho had JUMPED in front of her car, everyone had seen it! So what if she had been chatting on her phone, the idiot was clearly suicidal! Of course, she’d only given a statement. No handcuffs were on her wrist and she’d even followed the ambulance to the hospital, just to check on the man.

But really, that had to be the issue because that judgy receptionist has been giving her the stink eye for the past thirty minutes! What was her problem, really? That she wasn’t a family of the guy who didn’t even have an I.D. on him? A living John Doe if she ever heard of one yet that woman behind the desk dared to judge her for wanting to make sure he didn’t bleed out? Seriously, she should be praising her for being such a nice person, not glaring as if she’d insulted the woman’s entire family history. Though if she kept it up, some words about the secretaries Mother being a Hamster and Father smelling of Elderberries was sure to escape her lips.

And that was the moment Lucy realized she was freaking out. Quoting Monty Python was NOT how you deal with getting the stink eye. What sort of insult even was that? With a quiet groan, she held her face in her hands and whined.  This was not how her day was supposed to go.

No- she was already missing her date. A man who could almost (a l m o s t) talk circles around her about writing. A true catch, really. With dark hair and eyes, charming smile-

“...maybe the psycho will be cute or something.” She wondered out loud. Yes- that would solve everything now, wouldn’t it? She could see it like a book: depressed man leaps in front of a car. A Beautiful woman immediately checks his vitals and calls 911, inevitably saving his life while her generous- pure heart stays with him to ensure he survives. Upon waking for the first time, she would enter the room- they would lock eyes and all his troubles would melt away at the mere sight of her.

And she, captivated by his own good looks, would forget her woes of a missed date for her good conscience and ask him out for tea. A beautiful romance would blossom and after some drama with amnesia, a stripping Drag queen and loads of emptied ice cream tubs- they would marry, have children and live happily ever after.

Lucy froze, mind circling back onto the very mental images she’d given herself and scoffed. Freaking out. Yes. Right.   What silly nonsense was she thinking- she already knew the man to have pink hair- immediate turnoff. (Maybe- the guy was covered in blood as well- who was to say?) Focus- must focus- what was she doing again? Freaking out. Right.

“Excuse me, Miss Heartfilia?” Ugh- that sounded so ick, calling her Miss- why would they- oh wait the snooty receptionist was talking to her. “Yes! I’m here! Er, I mean, what’s up?”

And if the woman hadn’t actually been judging her earlier, she most definitely was now at that response. Raising an eyebrow, the woman cleared her throat and nodded towards the nearby doors leading to the recovery rooms.

“Since we haven’t been able to contact your victim’s-” Victim?! How dare she-? She hadn’t MEANT to hit him! - “Family- we’ll let you see him now. He’s in recovery and could do with some conversation. Please try and be gentle with him.”

Gentle. Gentle? What did they expect she was going to do- waltz in and finish the job with his pillow?! (Maybe she’d take that pillow on that woman instead- no. Bad Lucy. Violent thoughts were bad.) Nodding her head, she left the chair far faster than intended and quickly darted off once the room number had been given.

Unfortunately, it took her another 20 minutes to find the room. Why were Hospitals so hard to navigate? Where was the logic in making a place for medicine out into some sort of maze? Some architect’s idea of a terrible joke, she bet. Probably laughing as people darted about finding the wrong rooms as their loved ones lay wounded or sick, convinced no one cared because they were all alone. When really it was just because they were lost!

Huh- her thoughts took a bit of a dark turn at that. Whoops.

By the time she found the room, she’d almost convinced herself it was a lost cause and that she wasn’t meant to see the man she’d almost killed anyway. Not that she’d tried to kill him- it was still his fault!- , but there it was. Maybe he wouldn’t care anyway?  It’s not as if he’d seen her after he’d been knocked out-

Taking a deep breath and mentally berating herself, she quickly opened the door and stepped inside. And holy crap he cleaned up nice-...  despite the pink hair. Just standing in the entry way, her eyes were dilated before she could stop herself, observing the way the hospital gown fell atop his well-formed pecs.. Were they supposed to form fit like that?

Something told her one of the nurses gave him a size too small on purpose. Someone should give her a cookie.  - licking her lips, mind completely derailed from the very script she’d given herself to say to this man from the moment she’d look at him- it was all completely ruined by something none other than himself.

Bandaged, lightly bruised- yet somehow looking perfectly fine- albeit a little tired. He stared at her quizzically for a few moments before his nose scrunched up and he interrupted her thoughts.

“Yer not th’one tryina stick me with a needle are ya’? Cause I don’t care if m’lungs were punctured, I’ll bite you.” A nice, brusque voice, but the words had her staring just as quizzically in return, staring in non-plussed amazement.

He thought she was the doctor? Hello- did she LOOK like a doctor dressed as she was? Tight black dress that accentuated her lovely curves and AMAZING bosom? Get with the program, man, you’ve just been visited by a bloody princess and THAT’s what you say? Must have got a concussion or something-

“Uhh- no, I’m Lucy. Err- you probably didn’t get my name earlier, but I’m the one you tried to run out in front of.” Well, did run out in front of- if it was only a try he probably wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

Yet he didn’t seem too bothered by her statement, just blinking at her as if he didn’t quite understand the words coming out of her mouth. In fact, his stare grew so intense, she wondered if the Doctor’s hadn’t actually explained anything to him. “It may be a little weird, to follow a guy you don’t even know back to the hospital to make sure he’s not dead or anything, but I tried NOT to hit you, you know? But it was hard not to with you standing there with your arms waving like you were expecting it, why would you do that to yourself?”

Oh great, now she was rambling- and accusing him, and maybe lecturing him? That is NOT how you help a person with the problems he had. Not even the best way to go about it. What was wrong with her? - So she bit her lip and fell quiet before she put her foot in her mouth and further than it already was.

But he just kept staring. Which made everything quite awkward. Why did she think this was a good idea again?

“You can- you know, say something-?” Anything, please. End her suffering so she can leave- chalk this up as her good deed for the day, call up the man she stood up and apologize before going home to cry over her favorite crime show.

She was an important lady with things to do you see.

“- yer gonna have t’run that by me one more time- cause I ain’t got a clue what yer talkin’ about. Run in front of what? Obviously, m’damaged pretty good, but I still don’t know how I got here. Oh- were you th’lady whose supposed t’tell me who I am?”

Oh Dear GOD he could NOT be serious?

[topicprinter]

Around a year ago I commented about online business, and there was a lot of interest in my unique perspective.First, I want to give an "inside" look on the whole internet business.Second, give my recommendation for those who are serious about this (it isn't what I thought initially).So, how did I get started with "internet marketing"?Approx 13 years ago I started my first online business. It was a simple fat loss coaching service creating customized plans and offering weekly coaching.It was a very hard journey, but ultimately I was making a lot of money. I went from $300 the first month. To $5,000/month the first year. To ~$10k/month second year. And after ~4 years, I hit a record of $32k in 1 month.I also had a lot of super happy clients and amazing results. But those results came from a complete obsession and total commitment to this business. I worked 12-16 hours a day to make it happen.I kept working in that business until around 6-7 years ago.After having coached thousands of clients in fat loss, I wanted something more. So I started to investigate greater business models. I started studying marketing, especially digital (internet) marketing.​I felt like I had found a new passion.I was finally excited about business again. Finally, all the time I spent learning how to get clients and run an online business, there was a field dedicated into it. So I jumped in.Maybe you're in this phase, where you're looking at online business/entrepreneurship and it looks like a dream.Initially for me, it was like a dream. But then, the more I got involved in the field, the more horrifying it became.I started to discover one tragedy after another, with countless of individuals that paid 10s of thousands of dollars for marketing coaching, and gotten nothing in return.And this is after they were hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.Not only was I initially involved as someone learning and absorbing the material.I taught and coached as well. I had my own program. I got a lot of clients too.In fact, I made over $300,000 in 1 month coaching and consulting.While this seemed like a great result, it was the beginning the end for me.I've always been committed to client results. Real results. Not just making people feel good. I had built my first business entirely on that.The internet marketing field, on the other hand, is all about selling what people want (not what they need). It's all about selling hope."Make people feel good and take their money"In fact, internet marketers (Tai Lopez, Russell Brunson, etc..), many I've either talked with, or known those that worked with them directly.All those big name internet marketers KNOW what works. They know the truth about what's happening. The astounding failure rate that people are having. The countless individuals that have gotten massively in debt joining their programs, and achieving nothing.It's all a very big pyramid scheme.The line between internet marketers and con-artists is very blurry.The only ones that are succeeding are those that end up selling the dream to someone else. Just like those that succeed in MLM.It's true, you can make A LOT of money in internet marketing but you'd have to be a sociopath. If you have no trouble making huge promises to suckers, then this is the field for you.If you truly only care about your results, and don't care about your victims, money is to be made hand over fist. Here's why:The fault isn't only in the Internet Marketers. These individuals are also at fault.Initially, I put 100% of the blame on the internet marketers for furthering these lies and not telling people the truth about how to really succeed.But, as I worked in the field and got clients and students and ran my programs, I discovered what internet marketing really was.98% of consumers of internet marketers are essentially gamblers.They are looking for a "get rich quick" opportunity. They want something from nothing. A "press button, make money" system.They will never admit it.They will tell you that they want the real deal. But when you look at their behavior, they act exactly like gamblers.They spend all their time "investing" aka gambling into programs, courses, coaches, and other opportunities expecting an instant big return.They aren't interested in mastery or real work or delivering real value.They are obsessed with "get rich quick".This is what ultimately caused me to quit.I always hated "get rich quick". I hated this kind of "magic money". I knew it was bullshit. That's not how real business works. You have to find a way to deliver real value. Develop a real competitive advantage.IT'S NOT EASY. If it was easy, then a lot of people would do it, and it would automatically lose its value.If something was "free money", nobody would sell that to you!At the end, I felt like I was someone preaching celibacy in a brothel.I wanted to succeed more, faster, so more and more I started to "sell them what they want, deliver what they need".The problem is how can you sell "get rich quick" and deliver "work hard and make money slowly"?It's almost impossible.I slowly was seeing that the only way I can consistently succeed and achieve my big goals was to become like the other internet marketers. I knew that I could make an insane amount of money (like I had) but I would have to "sell my soul to the devil".The amount of internet marketers that I know that DESPISE their followers/customers is astounding.They see them as sheep, and they are feasting on them.They are like the "Pick Up" artists that look at women as prey. They have 0 concern for women. Their only concern is "getting their trophy" and moving on to the next hunt and bragging about how quickly they've fucked their latest prey.But that's not me. I've always been intrinsically motivated by helping others. By real compassion. Yes, I love to succeed, but not at the cost of others.I'd rather get hurt myself, than hurt others.There was no way for me to reconcile that in the internet marketing field. So I quit. I shut everything down.Why?Because money isn't everything. Yes, it's essential, but what's more essential is your soul. Your peace of mind and internal fulfillment. If you make money by hurting others, you cannot be truly happy.In my first business, the most incredible experiences were when my clients got amazing results and written me a testimonial explaining how I transformed my life. Those words and the memory that I made such a positive difference in people's life is worth 100x more than all the money I made.But I wasn't doing that in internet marketing.The "clients" were gamblers. And it was impossible to get them results.That's why I stopped. And I'm really happy that I did. After exiting the field I finally got my peace of mind again. My anxiety went away and I started experience hope and enjoyment in my life again.This is my warning to anyone who goes into that field. The level of deception in it is staggering. You have extreme predators who pretend to be soft sheep. They are cold hearted killers but when the camera is on, they smile and act all childish and dumb. It's an incredible act of seduction and deception. And this is happening right now. All the time.Okay, so after all that, what is my recommendation now?First, I recommend to NOT follow internet marketers.Especially those on Facebook/Social media.The more popular the internet marketer, the worse they are.What should you do instead?1) Study REAL entrepreneurs.Those who had built real business (not those that just sell dreams). Especially those throughout history.Study business books and classics. Don't join a cult.(Btw most content in this sub doesn't fit that, most of it is just an echo chamber for these gurus).2) Separate your "work" from your entertainment.Internet marketers know that you are bored. You are stressed and are looking for something to make you feel instantly better. You are looking for inspiration.That's why they make their content entertaining and inspirational.An example of that is Tai Lopez.He has built an entire set and has a whole group of actors to create a show that inspires and entertains you.But that's not his goal. His goal is to sell you the dream and sell you his programs and sell you to his affiliates.If you want entertainment, go watch entertainment.If you want inspiration/motivation, go watch that directly.Don't get it from marketers that want to sell you "make money" opportunities.The Business Model I RecommendAfter I quit, I thought, did anything good come out of all this? What did I learn from all of this?In all those years, I studied a lot of business models/opportunities, and saw what worked and what didn't.As I said, my first business was coaching and it was a great business. But that requires A LOT of work. It's a "full" business. You have to market, sell, and deliver everything yourself.The same with consulting.For a business that is "simple" to start, and simple to scale, and generates decent income and has good upside to scale.ANDIf you like reading/writing and have a passion(s) and love to share that with others.THE BUSINESS MODEL:Then creating a "resource" website that educates or providing information about a specific topic where people spend money.For example, let's take fountain pens.Here on reddit, if you go to /r/fountainpens, there are 146k subscribers.They are a passionate group that love fountain pens and spend a lot of money on pens/stationery.It's very simple to create a resource website, for example, FountainPenKnowledge.com (no idea if this is an existing site).Then, you initially are compiling real knowledge.For example, looking at common questions that people have about fountain pens. Especially newbies."Which fountain pen to buy?""Fountain pen for college students""Fountain pens for business""Best fountain pen less than $100""X Brand Pen Review"You can easily see what topics/questions people have in forums/communities AND other resources websites.For example, you have a YouTube channel like The Pen Habit.Click Videos -> Most Viewed.Here are the Top videosHow to adjust pen for more ink flowTop Work Horse PensReview — Lamy SafariMont Blanc 149 ReviewReview Jinhao X450Etc...Essentially, you find the top content and you create blog posts for the best content.NOW HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART.This is the difference that I recommend. It must be a real passion for you.AND It must be a website that provide REAL, unique value.The key is that you must dedicate yourself to mastering this. The art of writing and creating real content.You want to have a website that you are ultimately proud of.It absolutely must not be a spammy type website (which do exist).That will require a lot of practice and time.BUTIt is straightforward.The best part is that you don't have to do any selling.Nor do you have to "deliver" any service or product.You are essentially someone that synthesises information and better communicates that to people, and help people.How do you make money?From Affiliate links.You link to amazon / other affiliate programs / etc.It's not a massive amount of money, especially in the beginning.But, IMO it's the best effort/reward for those that like to write/like a specific interest.Other business models promise getting like $5k clients.99.9% of those who join those programs will never achieve that result.And even those that do, they don't tell you all the cost that went into getting those clients.With those model, you don't have to "create" a product. Or deliver it.Or even "sell" a product (like how a multi-level marketing opportunity promise, where you have to convince people to buy a specific brand of product).Essentially, you have thousands/hundreds of thousands of maybe even millions of people who have an active INTEREST in something (like fountain pens) AND they are spending money.You are just acting as a middle man. You are essentially helping them get what they ALREADY want.This is one reason why there are so much review channels on YouTube. Because it's a "low hanging fruit" in a way.Anyway, that's my recommendation for those that are seeking an online business model.Please be careful with your future.Don't believe things that sound too good to be true. Follow only things that make logical sense and don't require "a lot of hope" to believe.End of rant. Hope this helps someone. ~Mike