#is this motherfucker rejecting my calls because he’s mad that he had to leave two voicemails??? no one asked you to leave the second one

[transsexualhamlet]

tg anime vs manga *sighs*

i have the power of hyperfixation and anime on my side! AAAAAAAA

Ok now that we’ve gotten the sins of re post out of the way we need to discuss this. And I just feel that this needs to be covered because I can’t ever get away from constant discourse on this, mostly fueled by manga readers who feel entitled to always think they’re superior for reading the manga, that the manga is the only real canon, that it’s more complex or better, I’m so fucking tired of it. I am also a manga reader, and I tend to get like that sometimes too with many series (for example no. 6 and the promised neverland.) I get it. It can be really annoying to see something butchered on screen to what the original is, changed or represented differently or given a different message or simplified. But just. Some people like the anime and it’s not a goddamn holy war for y’all to fight. It only makes anime fans not want to read the thing even more yknow cause manga readers are pretentious assholes, and I am aware of this as one of them.

(again ok i’d like to mention i know this fandom is basically dead but a certain p*nterest is always like 4 years behind on fandoms so i keep fucking running into Discourse that’s like, still current, whenever i want old random ass content) (and youtube, why do i look at youtube comments, because I personally enjoy being offended? yeah probably)

And that brings me to the point of this anime vs manga. 

This is a lot harder to compare than a lot of other series, because there are just... so many more differences not just in the style and vibe but the story itself.

Disclaimer, I’ve never watched the anime for :re and i don’t intend to, because I honestly have no earthly clue how tf you can get from the highly diverged tokyo ghoul root A to re and make it make sense, and I don’t really want A ruined for me. So you can call me biased towards the manga in the case of re, i guess (which makes my eventual conclusion even more strong I’d say) Honestly I just see them as two completely different stories, the manga’s version connecting with re and A just like... ending there. So how we’re drawing the lines is basically tokyo ghoul A versus the manga and :re. God, I know this isn’t a fair fight because I already hate re so much, but I feel like the manga’s story is much more intertwined with :re than the anime’s is, so that’s what we’re going with.

oh god also another disclaimer this opinion is coming from the biggest fucking kanehide whore, you can disregard anything i say if you ship The Straights and/or do not care for my boi hide

To be honest, if I can take my own conclusions and liberties to the story, I like both versions, each have their pros and cons and kind of a conflicting message. They can’t really coexist. Usually I’d consume all versions and then create one consistent canon in my head for what I accept as the true events (for example my main owari no seraph, first season of the anime is canon but after that we only follow the manga since those can come together and make sense.) but it’s very hard to do that in tokyo ghoul, since I must confess... I really like root A. Like of course, it’s a lot different from the manga, but tbh I think it’s super valid. (unlike most Fans TM like this Fan TM who i’m sending this post to just to spite their singular Youtube Comment Section Discourse, yes I did write this post for you and many others like you) But the ideas that make up root A conflict a lot with the ones of the manga, so I just have to accept that they’re separate things and treat them as such.

Now to break it down so people can understand where I’m coming from I guess? God this is already so long here’s a read more

The Case for The Manga (including :re manga)

More Lore + Plot Shit: One of the main reasons that manga readers are pretentious little bitches is a valid reason, namely that, as is the case with most manga, there’s simply more to it than people can fit into an anime. (Although people need to understand that’s because,,, it’s simply a different medium, so it will have different pluses and minuses, such as for example a soundtrack, color, moving pictures,,, you know, all that. Anime onlys don’t say that the anime is better by stating these things that a manga won’t have... because they’re fucking obvious. So manga readers should stop acting like an anime is inherently sub-par for being less in depth, but we digress.) I can understand that reading the manga is kind of important for wanting to understand the lore (though there are like so many other reasons ppl might want to watch it other than to get the lore) and without the explanation of how all this came to be and how it works, everything tends to be really mysterious, confusing, and seemingly random. It’s really nice to know what’s all going on, of course, and stuff like the washuus, rize’s backstory, the explanation for like, kaneki in general, all that- if you’re looking for like, plot shit, manga is definitely your go to. But like, sometimes, you like, don’t actually care about those things.

Haise: Of course one of the most important things about well, including re is that I fucking love Haise. Like he is my favorite Kaneki. He’s just so wonderful, look at him in he glasses and he floofy hair and he striped pants and he energy boxers and he s p i c e and he MOM. And I really like how they took Kaneki’s character and developed it more with Haise, you can see his turnaround from innocent--> Emo--> Trying To Be Innocent Again But Failing and I think that’s really sweet tbh. I rejected that at first because I didn’t understand it but once I actually read re I thought it made a lot of sense and was a logical thing to do with his character. (though, uh, moving forward, after his hair changes again i disagree with it, haise 1.0 is a good take and i love him and i want the best for him) I could go on I’ve already written a post of what I think is wrong with :re so if you want to hear my take on kaneki’s 37 pokemon evolutions that’s in there

Good New Characters: And of course there are my favorite bitches such as quinx squad, oh my god, there was a terminal lack of dumbass squad vibes in the original and ishida fucking gave it to us, I love them, I love them with all my heart and I think that if I wasn’t attached to them I’d probably just cancel all of :re but like this is just my personal problem. God I love them. Ishida always pulls through with characters I’m now too attached to.

Vore Lmao:Ok like hear me out. I just get a laugh out of it every time the manga has to remind me of this little fucking fact. Like ok I just. Cannot get over it. It’s so serious about it too and like I realize it’s a serious deal but o h  m y  g o d

Ok and now that we’ve got that little rant over I do want to say that it is like actually really important past the “lmao that’s pretty gay” bit, like??? In some ways it’s more fitting than the anime because well, ishida’s point always seems to be “what would mentally and physically hurt kaneki the most right now” and does it because that’s who this bitch is. But it just?? Kind of makes a bit more sense for the storyline if we’re being picky here, it’s so,,, painfully on point? Like the entire reason he gave in to Being A Ghoul and all was so he could save his friends and shit (i actually do not remember if this was a thing in the manga but like? when he was being tortured and he like imagined hide being really mad at him and getting killed by jason and shit?) LIKE AND THEN HE GOES AND HAS TO BASICALLY BE THE PERPETRATOR OF THAT HIMSELF, FUCK, it’s a lose/lose situation of “don’t do the bad thing and watch your friends suffer” or “do the bad thing and watch your friends suffer but like, later” ishida please

The meaning of Hide being alive: Ok this is just me crying over chapter 75 still but like. Instead of in the anime, where hide’s point seems to be that instead of letting kaneki sacrifice anything more he’d be the one to give his life up and such, and save kaneki, in the anime tbh he just really wanted to be with kaneki right then?? and like ouch but understanding that in the manga he wasn’t just planning on dying and leaving kaneki to deal with it afterward he wanted to go on and continue to try to help the guy no matter the shit he had to go through, no matter if the dude just like forgot that he existed for two years and all- LIKE UH CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW HIDE DOESN’T EVEN EXPECT ANY APOLOGY? like kaneki’s like “OH MY GOD I’M SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON” and hide’s like lmao nah it’s cool i’m thriving- that his big motto was “live” rather than “peace out motherfuckers it’s been fun”. Cause. Fucking. Ishida. Can’t kill off characters well but like at least he made keeping this one alive justified. 

The D e t a i l s: Ok well I feel like this is something everyone knows but the anime is missing a lot of really,,, crunchy details that the manga throws in there, like, well, kaneki’s fucking,,, bones thing, and other assorted details, g o d like those are missable if you want to never understand half the memes but also like,,, sometimes you just gotta read that shit. It also like, makes more sense when you do but sometimes it’s just stupid things that aren’t important but are fucking hilarious.

The Flavor: In general I’d say the greatest difference between the anime and the manga is the general flavor of the thing, the vibe in the manga is a lot, to be frank, darker and grosser and bloodier than the anime, which is a lot more focused on being pretty and Tragic than “HOLY SHIT WTF” but like. That’s valid. With that comes it being a lot more, real, and although the art may not be as polished as the anime’s, sometimes that’s exactly what you need, and the really gritty sketchy shit that’s in the manga sometimes is exactly what it’s supposed to be for the manga. (in the anime, i’d say that the colored and polished style fits it better, so we’re good there.) It’s a lot more real, in the manga, when the anime hesitates to “go there” a lot (and well, sometimes that’s welcome, but sometimes it’s like y o u  g u y s  c o m e  o n  r e a l l y maybe i DID want to see that did you ever think of that)

So like, to sum it up i’d just like to say it’s more detailed, sharper and darker and is simply So Much. There is just More Content

The Case for Root A

ON THE OTHER HAND, (buckle up fuckers)

Depth of Emotion (that Ishida was too much of a pissbaby for): God like you know what I mean if you read the last post, we spent a whole episode on these gay fucks in root A, with backstory and dreams and drawn out suspense and emotion and GUYS LOOK AT THEM NO REALLY OH MY GOD YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS whereas hide’s limelight in the manga is a whole... two pages, oh whoopee, and that’s mostly due to the fact of ishida putting himself in a spot of “oh fuck goddamn if i drew that in i’d get flagged for gay porn” but that’s his own fault, so he downplays the whole scene and really keeps it in the dark, whereas in this anime it’s understandably a lot less,,, like that, but how it plays out here is simply... really nice and makes you cry and shit, whereas in the manga I’d go “oh god oh damn oh fuck” *laughs my ass off because i really can’t take this seriously*. You get just... more here.

To elaborate on this, in the anime, as a gay fucking bastard, I can get practically an endless amount of content from episode twelve, and endlessly stew over all Those Things about it, every hard hitting line, the expressions, the music making it even sadder, the ways the VAs say the words, the cinematic beauty of the blood dripping on the floor and like how it’s supposed to make you think it’s kaneki’s, GOD I COULD FUCKING GO ON, but if we want to get that in the manga... 

we get three incredibly basic lines, a blackout, and then a “QUICK LET’S MOVE ON TO SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE ANYONE NOTICES THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT HAHA”

So if we want to have more, we need to write it. (sadly) None of it is ever played out canonically so like,,, all we can do is infer and make shit up. It’s like, I am a writer so like that’s my whole job but I really would rather have more content, and have the content that’s there get to be emotional instead of *blank face* “this is plot that is happening, sadly” but like maybe it’s just bc i’m gay

Really Fucking Beautiful (aesthetically as well as story-wise): This kind of just goes hand in hand with the depth of emotion bit, and I think it can’t really compared to the manga here because I’m gay so I see pretty colors and cry so the anime is understandably appealing for me, but I’m also talking emotionally, yeah. There’s a lot of plotlines and implications of the story that are really well played out, I always love to watch the original because it does a very good job handling a lot of the harder topics and stuff that makes the whole thing worthwhile- like the whole point you’re supposed to see that the ghouls and humans are both just as monstrous when you break it down, that there are good and bad people on both sides, everyone just wants to live and feel good in their own life and perspective, everyone has reasons that justify their behaviour in their mind, sometimes you just can’t win no matter what, all that... they’re all really important messages and make the whole story, and they were handled much more delicately and with more expertise in the anime. 

It’s hard to pin down, but I feel like the manga was just based more on Fight Scenes Characters OoH Fake Science and kind of just gave kaneki infinite power ups after Trying Harder no offense, obviously those things were there and they were still very good in the manga it’s just sometimes they were cheapened a lot by ishida really not keeping track of what he’s trying to say with his story and sacrificing it a lot for “BUT WHAT IF KANEKI’S HAIR AND IDEALS CHANGED AGAIN” instead of making it a whole cohesive work. (and yes, I am VERY aware of your “well aCtuAlLy the hair represents his sanity” thing i know i know and i’m about to rip it to fucking shreds so)

Understandable Character Development And Staying True To It: Which brings me to this point, character development. This was another thing that was just... handled with more expertise in the anime, whoever was in charge of it. Mostly this has to do with Kaneki, since like, no offense but he’s the only one who ever gets much character development other than like, juuzou (asmr you only get character development if your hair color changes) oh and i guess there’s tsukiyama but he’s someone who shouldn’t have gotten character development. Touka gets character development only before re for some reason, and like tbh that’s kind of it. I do think Juuzou’s character development was valid, because well... it made sense? I complained about it before because I was like “well he just turns into spicy L” but i’ve since changed my opinion, he’s best boy. But Kaneki? They went way overboard with him in the manga, and generally? Calm tf down ishida.

Breaking it down, one of the main things that most of the tried and true manga stans seem to hate about the anime the most is Kaneki going over to Aogiri in root A. Since they’re much more acclimated to the manga, they don’t understand why he would do that (quoting a particular ‘probably made sense in the manga!’ yes i know that whole thing was poking fun at the show and i felt it lmao) and they just pin it to “ahaha he has now become Edgy for the fans ehehe time to make fun of him” and TO BE FAIR YOU’D BE COMPLETELY RIGHT. I love to make fun of Kaneki when he does his edgy bitch thing because that’s what he is. A basic edgy bitch who is just,,, such a main character. But like. He does actually have his reasons despite popular opinion and to be honest I think they’re a bit more valid than in the manga, where he’s just like “well I’ve been tortured, that was not pleasant and i kinda did a bad thing, let’s go back to anteiku but i’m just gonna Try Harder To Fight this time”. I can understand that, but like, it seems like in the manga every Character Development of kaneki is some form of “i will now be stronger” except for the singular “I will now be a different person” which, well, we’ll get to that. 

In the anime though, even if it seems like more of a basic edgy bitch move, it’s like?? It makes perfect sense to me, and to be honest more than the manga does? Obviously he doesn’t wanna be best bros with Aogiri, he realizes they’re all bad people who have done really terrible things, but the fact is he now sees himself as the same thing, he now understands their motives because in his mind he is also now Bad TM. His whole character development of being tortured was that peace wasn’t an option no matter how much he wanted it, he couldn’t live being a pacifist and the world was forcing him to give the “i am the only one that understands! we need to stop fighting!” bullshit up because there was no way to achieve it. He realized if he kept himself the way he was more people he loved would be hurt like they already had because he couldn’t, so he doesn’t just Decide To Become Stronger, he gives up his humanity. And that includes basically letting himself defend his own actions and try to do “the right thing”. 

Him then joining aogiri makes sense because well. They’re the people who are the strongest, who have the power, who are the same as he sees himself. He still wants to protect the people he loves, he just also realizes he can’t do it by working with them since he now understands that their more peaceful ways will by definition get them fucking killed. His understanding is flawed, of course. He’s not really right. But this is his understanding and from that it makes perfect sense for him to join up with aogiri and try to still do as much as possible from that standpoint, realizing that most likely the people he’s trying to protect will hate him for it. I think that makes sense to me, what do you not understand about it? (I also understand that may make some people mad because he’d Doing Bad Things but I point to you he’s so soft, remember when he was really nice to naki when he was literally the one who killed the guy naki was crying about? remember when he was doing a raid and he saw that guy hiding and he never mentioned it? remember like the seventy times he Cried TM, yeah he’s problematic obviously but if you want problematic I’ll point you to a certain fucking black reaper. Shironeki has nothing on that asshole.)

I think what Kaneki did in the manga was fine, but in general the anime (again) had more depth of understanding and emotion versus a steady Try Harder Get Stronger shonen deal, which, well, fair, but like, nah. Continuing why I think the anime dealt it better is the ending of A, which was a lot more well rounded then *kaneki gets stabbed and then there’s a lot of random plot shit going on in the background*. Here Kaneki then got to round out the end of his character development by realizing slowly through the second half of this season, him becoming a kakuja and then basically deciding like, not to

((kakuja kaneki was dealt with again different in the anime and manga because he basically stopped trying to use it in the anime bc he realized it was a bad fucking idea but this goes along with the ‘his character development of “i’m gonna do bad things for good reasons” --> “actually no wait that was a bad idea” was actually done in root A instead of being dragged out into :re and it’s appropriate for its own medium and the messages it’s trying to get across so manga loyalists hate it’ but we digress))

So in root A we got to see him actually develop and realize himself through the second half of the season starting with cochlea, his interactions with Amon, and ultimately through Hide, that he’d been doing the wrong thing by becoming more monstrous/fighting harder because what he did was ended up forgetting the most important thing, *smiles in gay* HIDE.(well, his humanity. yeah. i cite the terrible opening for root A with the fun ‘the hands taking off kaneki’s mask are hide’s’ bit.) He then remembered again why he wanted so bad to stop the war between humans and ghouls, he wanted to be able to live in peace and not have to be a monster- something that was not dealt with in the manga (though for understandable reasons of We Need To Fuck With Him In Re More, they then didn’t deliver on creating something like that later so I take this.)

That’s most of the difference between the original manga and anime, but I’d also like to discuss (briefly, I’ve already yelled about them) the ridiculous amount of hurdles ishida went through to fuck with kaneki in the manga, Of course there is the fact that well, the slower transition of his character does make some more sense for the manga because if you take :re into consideration, his eight billion character changes are more tolerable when they haven’t like, already happened before in the manga (just the anime). It makes more sense there for Haise to be tormented by past kaneki telling him He’s Too Weak because in the manga he hasn’t already had that development prior to “dying”, and he lost his memories still believing he had to be strong even if he did bad things, whereas in the anime it doesn’t track because at the end like i just said he kind of gives up his ghoulhood on purpose because he realizes that joining aogiri and fighting and shit was really wrong because, hide. So I can see why those character decisions were not made in the original when planning for :re, but... the fact remains that those previous decisions do not make up for how absolutely weak :re’s game ended up being with kaneki. 

So tldr this entire section, All the manga’s defense of how they handled Kaneki’s development is basically void because all those choices were buildup for development in :re which ishida then COMPLETELY fell down on. So the alternative is better.

And now comes my yelling about how exactly Ishida fucked it up: hair colors and kaneki’s 80 kanekis. If black is supposed to represent sane and white is supposed to represent insane or, whatever, i dunno, who tf thought black reaper kaneki was sane? Who tf would think kaneki in the end isn’t? I haven’t looked into this really, and I’d really love it if someone explained it to me the way ishida was going for bc I do not understand it. Like that tracks with Juuzou, and with Kaneki up to Haise Original, but they don’t really make a cohesive sense seeing as after Haise’s hair color changed again that whole deal kind of goes to shit. Not to mention... I just... they completely failed to make those character changes actually part of the story, I’m mostly complaining about black reaper haise, none of him makes any sense. What’s his deal? He wants to protect who he loves? Tracks with the ghouls but fun fact he abandoned his kids? He actually cared for them? What then, he wants to be the strongest as possible? Sure but then?? Why?? I don’t understand his motives at all.

We also didn’t get to see him get his memories back either, which I was actually very much looking forward to, it just,,, like all of a sudden he’s talking with eto about yoshimura and i’m like bruh when tf did that happen? It’s bad, and although chapter 74-76 is super valid, and his change back into white hair kaneki makes sense, I also have the complaint about how haise basically disappeared just like he was worried he would. I think that was bad and I’ve said that already, it doesn’t make sense, he just literally throws those entire two years away to go back to the way he was before he was with the CCG and just forgets everything he’s wanted for the last few years? Fiction logic test fucking failed, and you’ve also broken my heart. Love Haise. You got rid of him. I love kaneki too but like. Why don’t they just. Like. Merge. He is one whole complex person, not one and an imposter, god. 

This is a big negative for re and the manga, so automatically a positive for root A where I simply Do Not Have To Deal With That Bullshit and the character development actually makes sense. I can understand the decisions in the original manga could have set up for good development in :re, but they completely failed to deliver.

root a didn’t fast forward to re at the end god damn let us process this shit first before you try to connect it to something else: The thing with this point is that it’s really difficult to separate the original manga from the continuing story in :re because the thing intertwines so much and immediately moves us forward with a ton of plot points for the next part of the story before we’re done with this climax and the end of this story. Sometimes that’s ok and I can see doing that from an author’s perspective because you want people to continue reading your story instead of taking that as the end but it’s really annoying on a reader’s end, because I’m picky and I want to be able to just be able to enjoy my original canon without it like, metaphorically touching :re on a plate. It’s something that I don’t even do with my own longer stories, like for example I have like a trilogy of >100k fics that like, well i’m technically not done with them but like. 

People really like the first one because it’s more focused on a more popular ship and basic elements people like about the thing, and then by the second book it moves on to talk more about the plot and lore and brings in more secondary characters. And so I knew that a lot of the readers of the first one wouldn’t want to have to deal with a lot of the “oh well stuff is happening elsewhere that will effect stuff later!!!” random plot shit that none of my readers actually cared about. So I kept it to wrapping up the points of the first book and then leaving the introduction of new characters and plot for the people who actually wanted to read it. Ishida didn’t do that, and of course it’s within his right to like?? Want to promote the next series but I’d have enjoyed it more if we ended it at kaneki’s “death” and wrapping up the deals with the rest of the characters instead of quickly shoving in the beginning of seventy more plotlines before the book ends. Like honey I simply do not have the reading comprehension for that. In the anime we get something that... makes sense.

In the anime, however, it’s quite the opposite, for example the reveals like Eto=owl=takatsuki sen were pushed before that and they saved episode twelve for, well, the end bit. Like what was actually the ending. There were detriments to this I had to say (LIKE GUYS I GET IT HE’S CARRYING HIDE HE’S CARRYING HIM I GET IT YOU’VE BEEN DOING IT FOR HALF THE EPISODE NOW OK I UNDERSTAND CAN WE MOVE ON) But like, I prefer the concept of a simple idea with as much emotion squeezed out of it as possible to a ton of confusing and contradicting ideas that are touched on for a second before moving on. So the *cries for half an hour* ending was much more appealing to me, and I can keep that separate in my head from any of the ideas that :re creates, letting me pretend it doesnt exist and imagine that’s the end and there’s nothing else to worry about. If we want to move forward and hear more, then we can, but it isn’t necessary like it is with the manga.

No Bad Takes that are hard to pry apart from good plot and characters:This is basically the downsides of the new characters, which is well, if I had to make a whole ~keep reading~ post about how problematic everything in re was that does have to count as a downside. I love the new characters, but they also come intertwined with a thousand really bad takes on like, everything, and of course I can ignore it and just act as though they were written in like, to be perfectly honest, a non transphobic way, it’s a real downside when the original anime was pretty pain-free in the way of their takes on their characters. They fucked everyone up in re and I will not elaborate, we’ve talked about this, it’s just the anime, and which i mean season 1 and root A, don’t really have any bad takes I need to try to get rid of, it’s surprisingly something I have little complaint about at all and I ALWAYS have complaints.

Hide!!!!: Obviously, you can tell that a lot of my opinions are going to be hide based because he’s the only thing I ever think about. But we have to take into account just how... hide???? This goes a lot into the depth of emotion bit but it also offers the other side of the argument for Hide’s part in the :re manga, which well. Was mostly chapter 75 if we’re going to be perfectly honest here. He doesn’t get any other limelight. Even in the chapter where Kaneki meets him again he gets a whole what, three pages? In the manga, he has an extremely valid deal about basically, living, keeping going no matter what, and that is a fitting part for the manga, considering the rest of the points there ride more on Keep Fighting instead of Think About Your Emotions And Morals, but honestly chapter 75 was really valid. So why do I still think the anime’s version where he like (ok I don’t know about the re anime we’ve discussed this, i don’t even know how they choose to explain that) he like, dies in kaneki’s arms is better overall? Again, I would have totally accepted that deal if it was made a part of the story because it made me cry, it was super valid, and if they’d continued in that way I would have agreed with it completely over that. But the fact is again that they failed to deliver, and Hide got largely ignored, suffered so much with so little outcome. There was so much buildup and it was incredibly valid, but when the time came for them to meet again and basically show... why it was important that Hide lived in the end? 

They didn’t. They straight up didn’t. Kaneki’s like “oh sorry bro... glad you’re alive and all...” *goes off and fights* and like? Honestly? @everlastingspiral is right, if that’s all they’re gonna do with him what’s the point of keeping him alive? I love every single panel of him and I wouldn’t have read re if he didn’t, but hide gets absolutely NO payoff. For letting kaneki literally vore his entire mouth off, leaving him disfigured and unable to talk, then kind of disappearing for two years and doing seemingly nothing but trying to help kaneki even though he’d forgotten the guy existed, risks his life like a thousand fucking times, eventually gets back to him and the dude’s running a fucking anti-human organization, helps him like Not Be A Volitile Pile Of Flesh Anymore and then what should have been a very important moment of them meeting again gets completely overshadowed by touka and random plot shit and more fights and they barely interact, they don’t even hug or anything, they barely talk, and at the end hide is still there but to be honest he’s gotten absolutely no thanks for all he did and ishida acts at the end as though he’s done very well with hide and gives him a tiny bit at the end throwing in a tragic backstory for fun (which hot take he really didn’t fucking need on top of it all) and... there’s no real hint that Kaneki is better off with Hide there, even though there should be. In 75, in his dream, kaneki is sobbing and crying and all like i’m so lonely without you but when they actually meet each other again? “yo” “hey” “uh sorry about,,, the thing,,, you know” “nah man it’s ok” “let me talk about myself for a bit” “yes you always do do you want to hear what I’ve been up to” “not really” “that’s fine i’m only here to support you”

...So you can understand why I’ve gone a bit sour on that. If that’s all you’re going to give him? Hot take? Let him die. Hide deserves better. (and i will deliver that in writing, but for the purposes of canon.)

In the anime, however (not counting re again... although he still gets the short end of the stick just in the original manga too compared to the anime) he’s properly dealt with! he gets his proper limelight and he gets acknowledged for what he’s done thusfar in the story, which is already so much. Kaneki then realizes that, but it’s already too late (or it isn’t, and they like negotiate with the ccg and then they get to live happily ever after) either way he gets appreciated and he gets hurt, but it’s properly acknowledged. And after all that, after saving kaneki and getting him to the cafe and doing it all while bleeding the fuck out, he gets to spend that time with kaneki and die in kaneki’s arms. And frankly? That’s all I think he’s ever needed. It’s really poetic and pretty and brings kaneki’s character around full circle, and even if it’s overly sappy, cliche, drawn out... he gets the attention he’s due and he gets a fucking break. He wanted to show Kaneki he wanted to do something for him and save him instead of the other way around, but then HE GOT ACKNOWLEDGED FOR THAT, instead of just well, tirelessly working towards it forever and having to be content to be a background character with practically no value to Kaneki anymore.

Keeps The Same Vibe: The big thing about this is that with the manga and with re, shit just goes all over the place, and I feel like I’ve amply showed that already through this essay or whatever this is. Again about the consistency and the professionalism, It’s a concise story that makes more sense than the manga while also being simply neater and more deep, making sure all the points, themes and messages work together and make sense to create a cohesive deal even if it’s not as long. (the manga is like ishida had a TON of good ideas for an essay but then fleshed out the thing ten minutes before deadline and managed to completely lose what his original thesis was even if the thing was 10 pages long.) Basically. yeah. That kind of sums it up, my last point concerns the ending.

Not Cheap Ending: If you want to hear my take about how absolutely terrible re’s ending was, check out my The Many Sins Of Tokyo Ghoul :Re post, and we’ve discussed how the original’s manga ending was bad and well not really an ending, it just leaves you unfulfilled and takes you into “well I guess I have to start a whole nother sequel series ig...” but root A like? Actually ends it? If a reader didn’t know that there was any content after that, they could pretty much infer that hide’s death or almost death whatever you inferred out of that ending (again we’re ignoring re) allowed Kaneki to finish his character development and realize they needed to stop the war, which basically tracks with what’s going on in everyone else’s perspective- eto’s problem with the world because of what happened with everything, is basically like, all of aogiri, juuzou and shinohara, amon and akira and kaneki and they can realize all they have to do is just sit down and fucking stop it because none of them want to be fighting, hide is the catalyst for that because the CCG can see how Kaneki cares for him? And it’s so open ended that you could just like literally believe that and there’d be no way for that canon to tell you otherwise, or you could go onto re and whatever if you wanted to. I think that’s the best thing. 

In conclusion, both have valid points, and in general I’d say that the manga goes better with :re and the anime is better as a stand alone but if I had to choose overall, this particular anime is better (taking into account only seasons 1 and 2), for mostly the reasons of favoring a simpler story taken with much more care and depth versus a more complex story with many, MANY imperfect elements, and I am aware I will get shot on sight for this opinion. So sue me.

[nightwingshero]

Stay on the Path Chapter 1

Guys, I have to say, that I’ve been having so much fun with my AU’s, really. And I know I’ve taken it pretty easy here lately with my writing because it was honestly such a struggle for me. And while I’m still working on those AU’s....I am proud to announce that it’s here. That’s right, I’ve finally gotten around to finishing the first chapter to Wren’s canon! I have so many uncompleted chapters to this, but I’m so happy to be finally posting it!

A quick thank you to @xbaebsae and @chazz-anova for sticking with me and encouraging me to keep going with this. Honestly, without you two, this would still be a WIP. So, thank you!!!

This wasn’t how I imagined my first week to go. Hope County was small. Smaller than what I was used to. I hadn’t really settled in yet, I just showed up at the station eager to jump into an easy day of training. It didn’t faze me that Hudson barely acknowledged me or that Pratt was overly excited to show me the ropes. I just wanted to put my head down and do right; to make up for the “wasted time” I spent in college. That is, according to what my father believed. His dream was to have a son who would follow in the legacy of joining the military. Unfortunately for him, none of those things happened.

When I had arrived at the jail earlier today, my black hair was in a half-assed ponytail out of convenience. I had the sleeves of my uniform rolled up, but I had the first button or two unbuttoned. I didn’t do well with uniforms. Another reason why the military would never work for me. But when I walked in and began to get settled for the day, a U.S. Marshal had stormed in with a warrant talking about “the Seed family”. I honestly didn’t understand what the hell he was talking about. I mean, I had heard the name, but I kept to myself most of the time. I didn’t get out much and we hadn’t really been on patrol since I started. The Sheriff ushered him into his office as Nancy chatted us up over donuts and coffee. They had stayed in there for hours while Nancy asked me questions about my life, and she was beginning to become a friendly face.

But that conversation with the Marshal is what led me to the helicopter I was flying in tonight. I wasn’t the epitome of a perfect cop. In fact, this whole thing was new to me. I had experience shooting guns, sure. My father wouldn’t let that slip, so I started young. But I was new to the law enforcement career. It wasn’t my dream job, but it was something I could do if it meant doing what was right, if it meant setting my life right. So, I had went to the academy. The problem was that I knew people saw right through it, which was probably why the U.S Marshal, Burke, kept throwing me looks. I honestly couldn’t help it. That was my father, not me. It made me nervous that I was taking down a such a big operation, knowing that I had little to no experience in this field, other than the classes and little training I had to do in order to even get the position. I knew how to shoot a gun, my father taught me some survival skills, but that was it. The ramblings of a mad, bitter man didn’t do me much good here.

I just continued to look at my reflection in the window, my blue-green eyes stared back at me in wonder as I took in the beautiful landscape of Hope County from this height. I huffed and began watching the video that ended up bringing Cameron Burke here in the first place. It opened nicely with interviews with a pretty woman in a bar, a Father in a church, and a guy sitting on the couch. If you asked me, he looked like a rejected member of a rock band. It was a welcome of Montana at first, and then it began to speak of a cult, but before I could really get into it, the signal cutting in and out after it showed this “Joseph Seed” gauging someone’s eyes out with his bare hands. My stomach flipped uneasily, and I frowned as the signal went completely dead.

“Hey, Blake. Blake! You’re wasting your time. No signal out here.” Whitehorse called as I looked up at him and I caught the judging eyes of the Marshal before he went back to looking over his warrant.

“We’re crossing over the Henbane now.” Pratt informed us over the radio as I looked back out the window only to see a huge statue of a man with a beard and a man bun. I didn’t know how the hell I missed that when I was coming in, but all I could do now was stare at it. This guy has been busy.

“Oh fuck. There he is.” Hudson said with pure contempt in her voice.

“Crazy motherfucker.” Pratt commented back.

“Jesus….” The Marshall breathed.

“We’re in Peggie country.” I didn’t understand what Hudson meant by calling them Peggies, but her tone gave me chills. I knew that I heard a lot of people from around the town use it, I just never thought to ask. I thought it was a Montana thing. The Marshall ignored her and looked at Sheriff Earl Whitehorse.

“How much longer?”

“Just long enough for you to change your mind,” he turned his head to Burke. “so, we can turn this bird around.” I became more tense. I still didn’t truly understand what was really going on. Sure, I’ve heard some talk about the Seed family, but I honestly never paid attention to it. Everyone always had something to say about someone, so I always stuck to myself and I’ve lived that way for years. I didn’t know how long I was going to be out here, anyways. But they were just a religious family with followers, right? They couldn’t be that dangerous, could they? The video definitely suggested otherwise.

“You want me to ignore a federal warrant, Sheriff?” He asked icily. I raised my brows in surprise at his tone towards Whitehorse.

“No, sir. I want you to understand the reality of this situation.” He shifted and looked him straight in the eye. “Joseph Seed is not a man to be fucked with.” A chill ran down my spine at the weight of his words before he continued. “We’ve had run ins with him before and they haven’t always gone our way. Sometimes…just sometimes it’s best to leave well enough alone.”

“Yeah, well, we have laws for a reason. And Joseph Seed is going to learn that.” With that, he tucked the warrant away and looked out the window. It almost reminded me of a small child throwing a fit. Sheriff had an almost defeated look on his face before looking over his shoulder.

“Pratt, open up a call with dispatch.”

“10-4.”

“Whitehorse to dispatch, over.”

“Go ahead, Earl.” Nancy responded immediately.

“We’re approaching the compound, Nancy. Over.” My heart leaped when I realized we were close. I began to wish that I had stayed behind with Nancy. She brought in cookies earlier and anything would have been better than this situation.

“Roger, Sheriff. Still planning on going through with this? Over.”

“We are—unfortunately—still trying to talk sense into our friend, the Marshal. Over.”

“Alright. Lucky I’m not there. If you get into any trouble, you just let me know. Over.” I couldn’t help but smile at her response.

“10-4. Over and out.” It went silent until Pratt turned to Hudson.

“Maybe we should have brought Nancy along instead of the Probie. These Peggies wouldn’t fuck with her.”

“Pratt.” Hudson scolded. I rolled my eyes as I glanced back out the window. I didn’t need reminding how new I was to this; my nerves did that for me. The Marshal turned back to Whitehorse with a bit of a frown.

“Why do they keep calling them Peggies?”

“The Project of Eden’s Gate. P.E.G. Peggie. It’s what the locals call them. They started out harmless a few years back, but now they’re armed to the teeth. They’re looking for a fight.”

“…are you scared, Sheriff?” Burke asked incredulously. I studied the Sheriff out of the corner of my eye, waiting to hear his response, but none came.

“We’re here. Compounds just below.” Pratt said and I looked to see a decent sized church and some building surrounding it as we lowered.

“Oh, my Jesus.” Burke groaned as he studied our new surroundings.

“Damn.” I breathed out in shock at the sheer size on the compound.

“Oh man, this is a bad idea.” Hudson commented to herself.

“Last chance, Marshal.” Burke sighed for a second before replying.

“We’re going in.” I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until that very moment. My heart sank at Burke’s words. I had a bad feeling about this, and I didn’t want to be here. Anxiety clawed at my insides.

“Set ‘er down.” Whitehorse ordered and I wanted nothing more than to beg him to change his mind.

“Roger that.” The helicopter began to descend all the way down and I could see people armed with assault rifles and someone with a flamethrower that was burning a pile of wood. My uneasy feeling intensified. I knew we were on private property, so technically speaking, that was legal for them to do. I didn’t know what was on the Marshal’s warrant, but that definitely couldn’t be it. They were in their rights. As the helicopter landed, Whitehorse called out to Nancy.

“Dispatch, are you still there?”

“Yeah, go ahead, Sheriff.”

“If you don’t hear from us in 15 minutes, send in everyone. Send in the goddam National Guard if you have to. Over.” The blood in my veins went cold. What the fuck did I get myself into?

“Yes sir, Sheriff. I’ll be praying for you.” We took our headsets off and Whitehorse turned to us.

“Now listen up. Three rules. Stick close. Keep your guns in your holsters. And let me do the talking. Got it?”

“Got it.” Burke replied. But I wasn’t so confident. Everything was screaming for me to stay in the helicopter. I wasn’t welcome here; I could feel that, and I hadn’t even stepped out of the copter.

“Blake?” he called. I looked at him and gave him a quick nod, not trusting my voice. “Alright everyone, stay sharp. Let’s go.” I followed their lead as we stepped out of the helicopter, even though everything in me was screaming not to. Hudson, Burke, and Whitehorse began to make their way forward. “They’ll be in the church. Stay close.” I begrudgingly began to follow behind them. They were walking at a faster pace than I was, and to be honest, I lagged a little behind out of reluctance. All the people were glaring at me and they had way bigger guns than I did. I was allowed to feel a little nervous.

“Eyes open, these folks spook easily.” Whitehorse called from over his shoulder. Hudson slowed and began to walk alongside me.

“Blake, on me. Stay loose, huh?” she said, giving me a quick look. I guess it was obvious I was that nervous. I tried my best to hide it, but my heart was pounding. It wasn’t exactly comforting to have people with assault rifles glare at you. I just gave her a quick nod in response. Apparently, it was the only way I knew how to communicate right now.

“We didn’t do anything wrong!”

“What the hell are they doing here?” Voices rang out from the people as confusion turned to anger. If Hudson hadn’t been there, I probably would have tucked tail. This wasn’t something I was used to. Sure, I could hold my own. But I came here for a fresh start. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy being in law enforcement, but I felt like things had escalated quickly for me. I wasn’t about to pick a fight with someone that carried a damn flamethrower when all I had was a service pistol. I would do anything in that moment to trade with Hudson so I could have the shotgun.

“Be calm. Stay calm everyone. Just go about your business. This doesn’t concern you.” Whitehorse said as he continued to walk confidently through the gate.

“Sheriff, I don’t like this.” Hudson chimed in, saying exactly what I had been thinking. I was new, but Hudson wasn’t, and even she was picking up on it.

“Everything is fine, Hudson. Everything is just fine.” He reassured her. It didn’t feel fine, and I desperately wanted to believe him, but I wasn’t even sure if he believed himself.

“Jesus Christ, you’re wearing badges, aren’t you?” Burke spoke out condescendingly. I frowned and felt the strong urge to punch him. He spoke a lot like my father and that wasn’t something I really wanted to listen to. This badge meant nothing. It was a piece of metal. It was person that held that weight, not the badge, and people saw through that. Especially for those who didn’t care much for authority in the first place.

“Yeah, but they don’t respect badges much out here.” Hudson shot back, confirming my fears. I couldn’t help but smile just a bit at her sharp tongue. Subtle, but sharp. Maybe one day, we could actually be friends. Maybe.

“They’ll respect a nine-millimeter.” I looked at his back with disgust. I was liking this Marshal less and less by the second. I was tempted to ask him if he knew my father, and if not, they would make a great miserable pair. There was always some sort of power play, and I had a feeling that the Marshal enjoyed that badge a little bit more than he should and for the wrong reasons.

“Not every problem can be solved by a bullet, Marshal.” I spoke out. Hudson raised a brow at me as Burke shot me a glare which I returned. Hearing a clank behind me, I look over my shoulder to find them closing the gate behind us. I swallowed with another twist in my gut. That couldn’t be a good sign, and I had the heavy feeling of our fates being sealed along with it.

We finally came to a stop right in front of the church and I could hear them singing Amazing Grace. Curiosity began to outweigh the uneasiness I had felt. Burke must have been feeling eager as he was quick to just grab the door handle, but Whitehorse stopped him before he had a chance to open it.

“Whoa Marshal. Now we do this, we do it my way. Quietly. Calmly. You got it?” he asked as Burke let go of the door.

“Fine.” He huffed. The Sheriff turned to Hudson and me.

“Hudson, on the door. Watch our backs. Don’t let any of these people get in. Blake—on me.” I was only partially excited and that was just from the curiosity, which I knew was dangerous. It was my flaw. My curiosity always got the better of me, and I have been put in some bad situations because of it. The more logical side of me wished I could have stayed outside with Hudson and her shotgun. “And you,” he turned to Burke “just try not to do anything stupid.” I caught my laugh, but I couldn’t hide the smirk that bled through. Hudson turned and nudged me with her shoulder, and I could see the laughter in her eyes. I had a feeling we were going to get along. Friends, indeed.

“Relax, Sheriff. You’re about to get your name in the paper.” The Marshal replied as he put his hand on Whitehorse’s shoulder. It became very clear as to what drove Burke: Glory. Sheriff gave him grim look and turned to the door. Hudson took a step towards me, gaining my attention again.

“You’ll be fine.” She assured me quietly.

“Thanks.” I whispered back as I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. I couldn’t let my feelings get the better of me, no matter how unnerving they were. Whitehorse finally opened the door and you could see how old the church was. The singing came to an end, and I could make out the pews with a few people and a man standing on a platform in front. Light poured out of the window, giving him a glow that definitely seemed holy. Above us were dozens of empty bird cages, lightly swaying. Some had candles in them, while the others were dark and empty, all of them giving off a haunting beauty. They were strangely similar to the cage tattooed on the inside of my forearm. Too familiar. A shiver ran down my spine as I caught myself from tracing over it.    

“Something is coming.” His voice rang through the church, bringing me out of my daze. “You can feel it, can’t you? That we are creeping toward the edge…and there will be a reckoning.” The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as the faceless figure turned to us once the door shut behind me. He continued as we slowly made our way forward. “That’s why we started the Project. Because we know what happens next.” His voice rose an octave. “They will come. They will take from us.” Burke looked at Earl and he raised his hand in a calming manner. “Take our guns. Take our freedom…take our faith.” My heart leapt a bit as everyone in the pews began to stand as we passed them. I could see the tv monitors now that had scripture and the logo for their Project. This was Eden’s Gate. I became more nervous as I could feel the anger from their followers for our intrusion. I wanted to run and hide from their eyes. “We will not let them.”

“Sheriff, c’mon—” I wanted to scream at him, to tell him to shut up and not say another word. Abrasiveness was all Burke knew, and the last thing we need was for him to light a match in the powder keg this situation had turned into.

“Just hold on, Marshal.” Whitehorse warned.

“We will not let their greed, or their immorality, or their depravity hurt us anymore.” We were finally close up enough to see a man with no shirt standing above everyone else. He wore yellow aviators and his long hair was in a bun. His beard wasn’t the longest, but it wasn’t short either. His jeans were worn, and his chest was covered in tattoos and scars. Out of the corner of my eye, there were people standing to the side, but I could only just take in this man: Joseph Seed.

“Sheriff…” Burke’s rang like a warning, my eyes only darting to his back briefly.

“There will be no more suffering….”

“Do not pull that trigger. Remain calm.” Whitehorse responded to him lowly.

“No. Fuck this.” Burke whipped out the warrant and faced Joseph Seed head on. I inhaled sharply through my nose and moved forward to grab Burke, my fight or flight response urging me to pull him back like the idiot he was. Whitehorse quickly placed his hand on my arm, stopping me. I glanced at the Sheriff, catching his eye in confusion. I couldn’t put a name on the look he gave me, but I knew what he was trying to tell me. Burke’s idiot decision would remain his, not mine. I took a slight step back as my attention moved back to the Marshal.

“Joseph Seed! I have a warrant for your arrest on the suspicion of kidnapping with the intent of harm!” I furrowed my brow and looked at him. What? My heart was racing, but the blood drained from my face. I was supposed to keep my composure. It’s one of the things that they teach you. But I couldn’t help my face contorting in disbelief. On suspicion. We had barged into a dangerous situation with a warrant due to suspicion. I clenched my teeth in frustration at the Marshal for believing he knew better than the Sheriff. “Now, I want you to step forward and keep your hands where I can see them.” I held my breath as I kept my eyes on Joseph, waiting to see what he would do or how he would respond. He lifted his hands and regarded us.

“There they are…the Locusts in our garden…you see, they’ve come for me.” As he spoke, all of the people in the pews began to make their way in front and around us, protecting their Father from the threat we had become. “They’ve come to take me away from you. They’ve come to destroy all that we built!” The crowd became rowdier and more aggressive. I began to feel panicked and overwhelmed, the claws of my claustrophobia wrapping around my throat, but Burke and Whitehorse held their ground.

“Alright, now. Put your guns down. Put your guns down!” Burke responded as he reached for his gun. Whitehorse and I took a step back as I watched the Marshal in horror.

“Dude, what are you—?” I called out as my hand brushed my holster, but the Sheriff put his hands up in defense, cutting me off as he addressed the mob and Burke.

“Now hold on, do not touch that service weapon and stand down! Stand down! Everyone, calm down!” Whitehorse raised his voice to try and get through the yelling and protests of the people in front of us, but it went unnoticed. Joseph stepped down, his hands finding the shoulders of some of his men, and everyone began to quiet as they turned to him.

“We knew this moment would come. We have prepared for it. Go. Go…” And just like that, they turned and began to walk out of the church as a man began to come up from behind Joseph Seed. I watched, as he walked across the platform, with another man finding his way next to Joseph. I frowned as the two men looked each other, giving a quick exchange I couldn’t quite hear, but one of the people shoulder-checked me on his way past us, pulling my attention only briefly. “God will not let them take me.” I frowned as I watched them leave, curiosity biting in the back of my mind. With just a touch on a shoulder, he had completely defused the situation.

“I saw when the Lamb opened the First Seal,” Joseph’s voice had me turning my head back to him. His hands were raised up over his head as he spoke, but he wasn’t alone. Along with the two men was a young woman with light dirty blond hair and a white dress that now stood to his left. I kept my focus on Joseph, the others “as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts say, come and see…”

“Step forward.” Burke sneered. Joseph dropped his hands and looked at the Marshal, allowing me a better view of the people that moved to support The Father. The man to his right had his arms crossed over his chest, legs spread as he stood firm. I knew immediately to be wary of him. Just size alone, he would be someone rough to go up against. The girl just stood there at ease, her green eyes light and scanning me with a soft smile on her face. She swayed, making her white dress move at the slightest movement. Then my eyes finally landed on the other man.

He looked younger than the other men, and I wondered if they were actually brothers. I couldn’t make out a lot from the distance, but he had dark hair and a well-manicured beard. He wore a trench coat and had a pair of blue sunglasses on his head. His eyes caught with mine as his brother eyed us, sizing us up. This guy seemed to have his hands behind his back, his head tilting back a bit, the lines of his chest flexing as more skin is revealed through his unbuttoned shirt, and a smug look on his face, completely at ease with no care in the world, and I couldn’t help but stare at him. But his smirk widened as he licked his lips, and then it occurred to me. He knew I was staring. I chided myself and I forced my eyes away as Joseph continued.

“…and I saw,” he pointed his finger in Burke’s face and I pursed my lips to keep myself from smirking. “and behold it was a white horse,” he looked at the Sheriff, before turning to me directly. I inhaled sharply at the unexpected attention. “And Hell followed with him.” A chill went down my spine as he refused to break eye contact with me. The heaviness of his words felt like it weighed down my soul. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He then raised his hands and I stepped closer to him, unsure of what I was actually going to do. I broke eye contact only to find another pair of deep, dark blue ones staring at me with curiosity, smirk completely gone. I didn’t know what it was, I couldn’t really explain it, but the pull was there. He shifted a bit, his hands coming in front of him briefly as adjusted his coat, a quick roll of his shoulders that brought my attention back to his chest. I wanted to run up and…I don’t know. I felt like I was bare, that he could see right through me, and I didn’t know if that terrified or excited me.

“Blake,” Burke’s voice pulled me back to reality and I looked at him. “cuff this son of a bitch.” I frowned at his crass wording and glared while jutting my chin out, remembering how he pretty much fucked the entire situation. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the red head shift on his feet, throwing a glance at his other brother. Burke returned my glare tenfold, and I turned back to Joseph, not wanting to get into any more trouble I may have already been in. I hesitated, and as subtly as I could, I threw a look at the man in the trench coat again. I didn’t know why I was hesitating, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

“God will not let you take me.” Joseph said confidently and I looked back at him. Something twinkled in his eyes, and I wasn’t sure as to what it was, it seemed there was a knowing intelligence that told me that perhaps I wasn’t as subtle as I thought.  But his eyes were on me, too and so were everyone else’s. The last thing I wanted was for the red-haired soldier to come at me. He looked like he was ready to take on the world. I would probably weigh nothing to him. Fear danced across my neck, creating goosebumps in its wake.  

“Blake! Put the cuffs on him!” Burke snapped, making me cringe. I took a calming breath before I looked back at Joseph. I was conflicted. I didn’t want things to get violent and I had a very bad feeling that they wouldn’t just let us take him, the sting of my shoulder still there. I just wanted to keep the peace.

“Put down your guns. Take your friends. Walk away.” Joseph said calmly, soothingly. I bit my lip, it was so easy to fall into his voice, to second guess everything. It did sound tempting, to just walk away and go against Burke. I could. We could. We could walk out of here like nothing ever happened. “God is watching. And he will judge you for what you do in this moment.”

“Come on, Rookie…” Burke groaned as I looked over to the Sheriff, irritated at the nickname. We both didn’t want this, right? He didn’t want things to escalate any more than I did. Would he really let us walk out of here? I continued to study the Sheriff, searching for some sort of indication. Anything. He had a look of reluctance and he clenched his jaw. I had a feeling that this was going to have to be my decision and I bit of frustration whispered in the back of my mind. “God damn it Blake, seriously? What are you doing? Asking your dad for permission?” I flinched slightly at his word choice, but I kept my focus on Whitehorse, not taking the bait. The man in the trench coat scoffed as he shifted, my eyes following his movement only briefly.

“Sheriff?” I asked, and even I could hear the doubt and uncertainty in my voice. Earl sighed in response.

“We came here for a reason, Deputy.” He replied, his eyes full of defeat as his eyes fell from mine. My shoulders caved a bit at his response, but before I could do or say anything else, Burke had elbowed me out of the way, and I stumbled to the side from being taken off guard. Joseph frowned as his siblings shifted a bit.

“Fuck this. I’ll do it my goddamn self.”

I shot him a glare, my anger momentarily pumping through my veins. The urge to mouth off to him was strong, but I held my tongue, even though his actions were uncalled for and aggressive. I took another breath as I tried to shove my retort back down my throat. Now was definitely not the time for me to run my mouth, it would only make things worse, and like it or not, he was still a superior of sorts.

“Easy, Marshal.” Whitehorse responded quickly but remaining calm. I dared a glance at the Sheriff in shock, not expecting him to defend me. I exhaled shakily as I turned, watching as Burke looked ready to blow and I bit my lip. Burke sneered as he roughly pulled Joseph forward and tightly cuffed one of his wrists. I winced at the click, but Joseph didn’t even flinch or make a sound. I took a step forward with a frown.

“You know that’s too tight.” I said lowly, but my voice echoed through the quiet church. I could feel Burke glaring at me, but I didn’t really care. I just wanted this to be over. I could feel the Seed family drilling holes into me with their piercing blue eyes.

“Who cares?” Burke sneered at me. I looked down as I fought back the tears of anger that were threatening to humiliate me in front of my superiors and our audience.

“If this is how you’re going do it, then step aside, Marshal. Deputy Blake, cuff him properly.” Whitehorse asserted. Burke’s face twisted as he took a step away from Joseph and I took a calculated step forward, my eyes watching his every move. I didn’t trust Burke, badge or not. I turned to Joseph and began to redo the cuffs, making sure they weren’t cutting off his circulation. I looked up to catch his intense stare.

“Sometimes…the best thing to do is to walk away.” He whispered to me and my heart stopped as the blood drained from my face. I opened my mouth, but I didn’t know what to say. Not that Burke really gave me an option to.

“Jesus Christ. Let’s just fucking go.” He muttered and the Sheriff sighed. I put a gloved hand on Joseph’s shoulder, prepared to walk him out.

“You have the right to remain silent,” Burke groaned out his frustration and I expected him to stop me, but he didn’t. He knew we couldn’t just arrest people without reading them their rights. “anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?”

“Yes.” Joseph replied softly.

“Let’s go.” Whitehorse turned, and began to make his way to the church doors with Burke beside him.

“Drag him if you have to.” Marshal called over his shoulder tauntingly.

“Dick.” I replied quietly to myself without thinking. A cough and a light giggle were the responses I got behind me as Joseph shot me a look from the corner of his eye. I chided myself and began to follow the two men while gently escorting the brother. Burke and Whitehorse opened the doors, and there seemed to be a start of an uproar. Hudson looked over at us in panic.

“We gotta get the fuck outta here.” She said as a truck of men pulled up with guns.

“Marshal take point. On the right.” The Sheriff ordered as I saw that the path we had taken before was closed off and sealed.

“On it.” I was honestly shocked that he took an order easily, but it was probably due to the fact that he had what he wanted, and to him, that was all that mattered.

“Stay on the path, Blake.” Whitehorse called out over his shoulder as I began to take everything in. People were starting to get more and more stirred out. Yelling out and asking about us taking “The Father”.  Amazing Grace began to play loudly, and dogs were barking viciously. Once or twice I got spooked, thinking that someone was going to grab me.

“Keep up, Rookie.” Hudson called out nervously. People began to pull out their guns.

“Stand back, I’m a Federal Marshal!” Burke yelled, but that didn’t stop them. They began to swarm us, and my pace quickened. Burke and Whitehorse then pulled out their service pistols in defense as we got closer the copter. Burke shot two warning shots into the air and Hudson and I rushed quickly to the bird. Hudson jumped on and ushered me forward, helping me situate Joseph. Pratt was freaking out in the pilot seat while Whitehorse and Burke were on my tail. We finally were able to get in after Joseph was taken care of, but someone grabbed Burke and he tried shaking them off. His followers began to climb on the helicopter. I looked around, panicked and in awe. I’ve never seen anything like this. Burke ended up shooting the guy in the head, and we both began to hastily buckle ourselves in. I gagged, cutting off the scream in my throat, at the sight of the blood and gore as my hands shook, and I could feel myself slipping into a full panic attack. My hand covered my mouth to keep myself from either puking or crying out as Whitehorse was trying to call Nancy from the front, but she wouldn’t answer. Joseph just sat there calmly with his head back and sang Amazing Grace. We couldn’t shake them off, even in the air, and then a man jumped up into the wings and blood splattered all over the windshield. My stomach lurched as alarms began to blare. We began to spin out of control, and I began to hyperventilate with the panic attack getting worse, but Joseph just kept singing.

“Brace for impact—" I couldn’t hear the rest of it as we hit the ground, everything turning black, and Joseph’s voice was still singing in my ears.

The smell of smoke was the first thing that caught my attention. Then it was Nancy’s voice over the radio that made me open my eyes. My body hurt, my head pounded, and my vision was a bit blurry. Across from me, Burke hung unconscious, which explained why my head felt the way it did.

“…This is Nancy, is everything okay? Over.” I looked to my side to see Hudson in a state that was no better than mine, but when I looked for the Sheriff, he was nowhere in sight. A headpiece just hung there, swinging back and forth. “Please, are you there? Are you there? Are you there, Sheriff?” I began to panic as I noticed that the seat Joseph occupied was now empty. Where was he? My heart started to pound, and I let out a whimper as I looked around. “Deputy Hudson, if you’re there, please pick up.”

“Amazing Grace…how sweet the sound.” Ice filled my veins and I began to desperately reach for the headset.

“Deputy Pratt, are you there? Are you there?” I almost cried when my fingers wrapped around it, and I pulled it to my face. A hand stopped mine, making me gasp in shock as Joseph Seed continued to sing.

“That saved…”

“Earl? Please, come in.”

“A wretch…like me...” he finished as he studied me. Tears were streaming down my face at this point, both from the smoke and the absolute terror I felt. Joseph only had a broken nose and a few bruises on his face and his yellow tinted glasses had made it through with on a crack in one of the lenses. I was too in shock to say a word.

“Are you there? Is somebody there? Please.” Nancy was becoming more frantic and my heart broke for her. Any words I was prepared to say choked in my throat as he leaned in closer, his eyes big and bright as the bore into mine.

“I told you that God wouldn’t let you take me.” He whispered and I exhaled shakily.

“Please…I need to know what’s going on.” Nancy pleaded as she began to cry. I wanted to scream and yell, to tell her that I was alive and to send for help. Send anyone. But Joseph reached for the headset and pulled the mic to his face while staring at me.

“Dispatch…”

“Oh, my God…” Nancy breathed a sigh of relief and I frowned.

“Everything is just fine over here. No need to call anyone.” There was a split second as I held my breath, waiting for Nancy to respond.

“Yes, Father. Praise be to you.” My heart sank at her words as I realized what that meant. She tipped them off. She was a part of it. A dry sob raked through my body in disbelief and heartbreak. Joseph leaned in closer as he let go of the headset.

“No one is coming to save you.” He whispered and another sob raked through me with new tears as the empty feeling of helplessness buried itself in the pit of my stomach. A car pulled up, gaining his attention and I watched as he left the helicopter. They rejoiced at the sight of their Father and he stood on the hood of the car to address the four men that stood before him.

“The First Seal has been broken. The Collapse is upon us. And we will take what we need. And preserve what we have.” I watched as Hudson and Burke stirred awake, coughing from the smoke. A sense of relief filled me. I wasn’t alone. “And we will kill all those that stand in our way!” I caught Hudson’s eye as Joseph focused his attention on us. “And these. The harbingers of doom will see the truth.”

“We gotta get outta here...we gotta get outta here.” Burke murmured, but I wasn’t paying attention to him. I was watching Hudson, making sure she was okay. I could see Joseph addressing his flock as she processed our situation.

“Begin the reaping!” Joseph yelled with his hands spread out to the sky.

“We gotta get out of here!” Burke said urgently and I watched as Hudson began to pull and struggle at the seatbelt. I turned and began to do the same as they approached Hudson and began to tug her out.

“NO!” I tried to yell as I reached for her, but it came out as a mere croak. We clasped hands briefly, before our grip was easily broken by the men dragging her. I tried pulling on her pants leg, but she was just out of reach. “Hudson!”

“Get the fuck off me! Pratt! Pratt!” she screamed, and I realized that they were taking him, too. They kicked as they fought against their captors.

“Jesus Christ, we got to get the fuck out of here!” The men turned back to us, but before they could reach in, the flames surged forward, blocking us from them momentarily. Burke dropped down and I felt a tiny bit of hope bloom in my chest.

“Help me out!” I cried at him as he took a second to collect himself.

“Let them burn. This is God’s will.  This is their punishment.” Before I could say a word, Burke took off running out of the bird and I watched in disbelief. He was leaving me behind. That little snake was leaving me to die. I began to struggle even more as panic made it hard to breathe, pulling at the buckle, begging and praying for it to come loose. I needed to run. I didn’t want to die like this. I wished more than anything that I could go back in time. I should have listened. I should have listened.

Sometimes it’s better to just walk away.

The buckle finally gave, dropping me on the roof. I winced in pain at the impact on my side. It was hot and hard to breath. Stray strands of hair clung to my face from the sweat and tears as I coughed a bit before getting to my knees and facing towards the woods. I had to run for it. I got to my feet as they finally caught on that we were free.

“Oh, whoa, whoa. Oh, hey! They’re getting away!” one of them yelled and I took a run for it. The sound of gunfire and bullets whizzing past me drove me to run faster than I ever have in my life. I dodged trees, branches, and logs as I made my way through unknown territory. I looked behind me briefly to see if anyone had followed, causing me to trip forward and hit the ground hard. I was shaking and my limbs felt like jelly. I was dizzy from the blood rushing to and from my head, and I vomited from the turning of my stomach. I steeled my resolve and stood again. I had to keep going. If I stayed there, I was going to either get caught or killed. Maybe both, if Joseph’s words rang true. All I could do was keep stumbling forward as I wiped my mouth on the back of my gloved hand.

It was super dark out, but the moon was bright enough to allow me to at least see my surroundings. I could see a cabin on my left, and I ducked down to avoid being spotted. I don’t know what had happened, but my pistol was gone. I was unarmed and definitely in over my head. I could hear them shouting in the distance, hunting us down. My radio came alive, making me jump clean out of my skin.

“Hello…? Anyone hearing me? Hello? It’s Burke…Hello?” I had a mix of emotions as his voice came through. Relief that he had made it out alive but pissed off that he had left me behind. I also didn’t want to be out here alone, so knowing that he was out here too made me feel just a bit better. “I think I lost them. I see a…a trailer nearby. It’s next to a long bridge. I’m gonna try and get inside…if anyone’s still out there…Listen, if anyone is still alive, meet me there.”

I breathed a sigh of relief as I spotted the bridge through the trees. He wasn’t far. I picked up my pace as best as I could and made my way to the steep incline, my muscles protesting in agony. Once I reached the top, I bent over to catch my breath. I almost cried in relief at the sight on the trailer once I started to walk over the bridge, but I honestly didn’t think I had any tears left. Exhaustion threatened to seep in, but I forced myself to keep going. I jogged lightly the closer I got, the trailer door a beacon of safety. I pushed it open and turned just as Burke yelled and grabbed my neck. I screamed in response as I tried to push him away. His eyes widened in realization and his grip loosened.

“Jesus Christ, Blake. I’m sorry…I thought they got you. Come on.” He stumbled back and motioned for me to follow him through another door. “Check the room.” He pointed to a bedroom on our right and as I looked in, I could see pictures and posters all over the walls. Pictures of the Father and Eden’s Gate. As I turned to take in the rest of the house, I realized how much of a mess it was. Burke was sneaking around, like some sort of burglar and had it been any other scenario, I would have laughed. He turned to me, pale and panting. The ashen tint on his face showed just how freaked out he was, which wasn’t reassuring in the slightest.

“Oh Jesus! I had no idea.” And I just stared at him. No idea? I wanted to yell, to scream at him that Whitehorse had warned him, but I didn’t really have the energy to do so, the panic attack and adrenaline slowly starting to wear off. Whitehorse told him that we shouldn’t do it, but Burke wanted the glory. His pride was more important. He turned to the wall of framed pictures and pointed. “Fuck!” He approached the wall as I finally caught sight of what he was looking at. It looked like a family photo that was professionally done, but Burke yanked it off the wall before I could get a closer look and looked me in the eye. “We’re putting this whole family away. All of ‘em. Fucking lunatics!”

He threw the frame down in anger and stomped away. I took a step closer to the table to actually get a look of the photo. Joseph sat in a chair in the middle, back straight with no emotion whatsoever. The girl sat on the floor to his right, with her arm on his leg. The red-haired brother stood behind Joseph with a red sniper rifle in his hands, and I couldn’t help but praise myself for not doing anything too stupid in the church. I couldn’t say the same about the Marshal though. Lastly, the youngest brother leaned against the back of Joseph’s chair with a book in his hand.

“We’re going to get out of this, Rookie. First things first, we gotta arm ourselves.”

“What’s the plan?” I finally asked as I looked back up at him and followed. I didn’t want to follow him, deep down, but I didn’t have a choice. I was way over my head, and I knew I couldn’t get out of this alone. He picked up a rifle and shoved it in my hands before grabbing the pistol for himself. I followed him as he approached a window and crouched down.

“Alright, here’s what we’re going to do.” He blew on the ammo cartridge before slapping it into the butt of his pistol before holstering it. “There’s a road out there. We’re gonna take it, and head Northeast. It’s probably only a few hours back to Missoula. And then,” he turned and grabbed my shoulder. I bit my tongue from biting his head off for daring to touch me. “we’re gonna come back here with the damn National Guard. And we’re gonna take out the rest of these—"

He was cut off by a couple of voices outside the trailer. I frowned. How did they find us so quickly? My eyes widened as it dawned on me. They took Hudson and Pratt, which meant they probably had their radios, too. If I had heard Burke’s message, then they had as well. I clenched my jaw in frustration. I wanted to strangle the Marshal for his constant stupidity, him and that joke of a warrant. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I looked at Burke with a twist of my mouth. “You idiot—"

“They came around this way!”

“Check inside the trailer!”

“Shh!” Burke whispered lowly as he motioned towards the other window. I gave a quick nod before I began my way over.

“They’re in there!” someone yelled as a rock was thrown through the window. I covered my face as glass exploded, landing on the carpet. I looked out to see a bunch of men running around, taking cover, and shooting at us with their own rifles. Great. Way to get your feet wet, Wren. Burke quickly ran to the other window on my side and began to return fire. To say the least, I was fucking terrified. I have done a lot of shit in my life, but I had never done this.

Aiming out the window, I tried to only land wounding shots instead of kill shots. I wasn’t prepared to take a life. I put my head down, made it through the academy, did everything I had to in order to get my life back on track. To get away from the shitty past. This wasn’t something I had asked for. The AR was digging into my shoulder, and I wondered briefly if I was holding it incorrectly. Burke cursed under his breath before jumping out through the window. As I returned fire, a stray bullet hit a red metal canister, causing an explosion that blew people off their feet.

I took advantage and followed Burke, trying to stay close enough to keep both of us protected. As much as I couldn’t stand him, I knew we were better off sticking together. The rush and panic were back, my heart pounding hard in my chest. Burke dashed, yelling me to cover him, as he ran towards a white truck.”

“Cover you with what?!” I shrieked, paranoid that he was going to take off without me, so I run towards the truck after him.

He was cursing, trying to get the thing started, throwing me an incredulous look as I yanked open the passenger door. “I told you to cover me!” he hissed.

“And give you a chance to leave me again?” I snapped, throwing him a look, finally losing my patience and giving into the fear that was pumping in my veins…I wasn’t keeping my mouth shut anymore, not after the shit he kept pulling. “Not likely.”

He grumbled something about not doing it again with a half-assed apology, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was watching the next wave of cultists running towards us, clinging tightly to the gun in my hands. With a victorious yell, the truck started just as a bullet ricocheted off the door next to my head. I quickly ducked in the cab of the truck as he slammed on the gas.

“Up ahead, watch it!” Burke yelled and I looked up to see two of them shooting at us, but Burke just pressed the gas harder. “Hold on!”

He rammed the truck into the chain-link gates, tearing it down as the yelling and gunshots faded behind us. I was drenched in sweat, my breathing quick. “Holy fuck.” I breathed out, one hand gripping on the door handle and the other cradling my rifle.

“You ok?” Burke asked, throwing me a glance. I gave a quick nod before his attention went back to the road. “Nice work back there. I’d be dead if it weren’t for you. We gotta get back…but we gotta be smart. We don’t know who we can trust…fucking Nancy.”

“Fucking Nancy.” I echoed with malice. I hadn’t gotten super close with Nancy, but her betrayal still stung. She was so nice, praising and talking about the niece she was so damn proud of all the time. She welcomed me into that station with open arms.

“Oh no…oh no, they got the roads blocked.”

“They what?” My eyes widened as I took in the amass of trucks and concrete blocks. I could see barbed wire and stop signs in the back of a few. The cultists turned to us, and opened fire. “Oh shit!”

“Shoot!!” Burke shouted at me, and I pulled the rifle up, aiming out of the window. Of all the things I expected from a small town, this definitely wasn’t one of them. I wanted to cry, curl up in a ball, and set on the floorboard of the truck. I was done with this shit, but I tried my best to defend us as Burke drove like a damn madman.

“For the Father!” A man shouted as two white trucks showed up out of nowhere, shooting at us.

“Behind us, keep them off us!” Burke yelled.

The panic was starting to spread again, from the yelling and the gunfire, it was just all too much. And then I see a burst of red on a windshield, the white truck swerving and hitting the other. But all I could think of was the blood. I killed someone...I just fucking killed someone! My chest pulled painfully as my eyes swam with tears.

“Jesus Christ, we can’t get around it! Hold on, we gotta get off the main road.” Burke jerks the truck roughly, knocking me back from the window and my thoughts. I gasped as he ran through a fence, pieces of metal and wood flying. “They keep coming, Blake! Get back out there!”

“How about you focus on not getting us killed?” I snapped as he flew off a hill, the truck slamming against the ground.

“Could say the same to you!” he retorted. “There’s a case of dynamite in the back of the truck, use it!”

“What?!”

He didn’t answer as I popped my head back out, eyeing the back to see an open wooden box. The sticks of dynamite were everywhere, strewn around from all the momentum, so I could only reach a few without falling. Burke swerved, and I gripped the truck tighter, praying to whatever higher being there was that I wouldn’t die like this.

The shooting continued as I, finally, made it securely back into the somewhat-safe interior of the truck. Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out a metal litter as my hands shook violently, flipping the top and lighting one of the sticks to throw. I wouldn’t normally condone this kind of thing, and nor have I ever done this, but my instinct to survive was above everything else. My body was just reacting, and my mind was still miles behind, with that red stained truck.

I would never claim to have the best aim in the world, but trying to throw something out of a moving vehicle, hanging out of the window, with a bulky rifle against you…well, it wasn’t the best. Most that I threw went off too late or landed too far away. Burke’s curses joined the choir of gunfire and the shocks on the old truck as it rumbled along. Then it was joined by an odd sound that I didn’t recognize.

“John’s here!” Someone yelled.

Who the fuck was John?!

“Is that a fucking plane? Don’t tell me they got fucking air support!” Burke yelled, slamming his hand against the wheel.

My face twisted in confusion as I tried to adjust my rifle, but I froze, eyes wide, as I saw what Burke was screaming about. I didn’t know much about planes, and I would never pretend to, but the black one I saw was gorgeous. Or at least, from what I saw of it before it started shooting at us, coming a little too close for my comfort. Quickly flipping off the plane, I went back to fending off Peggies in trucks and ATVs, people shooting us from the side of the road. The plane made another round, Burke doing what he could to avoid getting us killed.

“Motherfucking psychopaths!!” Burke screamed as he drove straight towards a roadblock. “Motherfucking Peggies!!”

“Burke, we’re not going to make that!” I yelled over the chaos. The truck was already trashed, I wasn’t sure how much it could take, but it wasn’t just that. It was the fact he was going to crash us into a fucking roadblock. I tried hard to keep the flashbacks at bay, fear overcoming the adrenaline.

We hit it head on with a huge bang, but somehow, we were still going. Burke straightened out, slamming the gas again to speed back up as we approached a bridge. Relief and hope dared to spread in my chest until a truck cut in front of us, laying down heavy fire. What the fuck was wrong with this county?!

“You’ve gotta be kidding me?!” he roared beside me.

“Is that…what is that?!” I screamed. “A mounted machine gun?”

He was about to answer until the color drained from his face. “Oh no—”

I turned just in time to see a glimpse of the plane and the explosion quickly after. I screamed as the Marshal jerked the wheel, launching us right into a free fall. My heart stopped and my breathing was caught in my throat as we nosedived towards the river. Flashes of memories buried deep flew in my mind: broken glass, the deployed airbag, the pain, the blood…

Gasping quickly, the truck landed hard in the water, the cab filling quickly through the open window. I’m too shocked to move at first as I watch Burke shoot out the windshield with his pistol. He moves forward, and I reach out to grab him in desperation, but he’s already swimming away. I clench my teeth in rage as I finally free myself from the seat belt.

I’m running out of air as I swim up, breaching the surface with a loud gasp, trying to breathe in as much as my lungs can handle. It’s a struggle, but I make my way to the riverbank, my muscles screaming. I whimper as I crawl, my body finally giving out from under me, and I collapse, rolling on my back. My focus is in and out as I fight to stay awake. The adrenaline, the panic, everything has left me numb and cold, pushed way past my limits.

“Let me go!!! I’m a federal Marshal—”

Burke’s words are cut off with the sound of him getting hit with something a distance away and I scoff. Fucker deserved that. “This one needs a little faith…look along the banks, there was another one. We need to take them to the Father.”

I groan as an older man came into view. My vision was too blurry to make out any features and I cough then take another deep breath. I don’t have the energy to say a word to this man, let alone fight him when he starts to drag me away. The last thing I see before my vision goes black is the starry night, wondering where the plane went.

[medeafive]

Blood and Stone - 20

Masterpost

"I don't like this," Bruce mutters. "Your blood pressure dropped again. Blood sugar probably as well."

Natasha groans, mouth full. "Come on! I'm eating all the goddamn time!"

"Looks like that's not enough," Bruce replies, unwrapping the thing from her arm. "I'll give you the blood transfusion and… more vampire blood again, I guess. God, I wish Bobbi were here already."

"Is it so bad?" Natasha asks.

Bruce gets the clipboard. "We tracked your calorie intake and if you're at more than double the normal, without burning any because you're just lying around, and you're still low on nutrients… that's very bad."

"Speaking of," Natasha remarks. "I really need to pee."

"Only now?" Bruce frowns. "When was the last time- oh, forget it."

Natasha snorts. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Could you unplug me for a second or do I have to drag that around the whole fucking time?"

"Oh, definitely not," Bruce returns. "The former. Do you know how many bacteria that could introduce-"

Natasha groans.

  "Just let Bobbi take care of it," Pepper encourages. "She'll be here soon and then it'll all be fine."

"Last time you gave her vampire blood, her heart stopped," Clint remarks sourly.

"She was doing way worse last time, though," Sam points out quietly, not looking her way. "Before."

"I don't want it to get back to that," Bruce mutters, sinking the needle into her arm. "So I'd rather do it now."

"Oxygen is fine?" Fury asks.

"You know what, I didn't even worry about that," Bruce says. "Should be fine. Or do you feel like you're not getting enough air?"

Natasha shakes her head. "Feels okay. The air quality in here is not the best, though, is it?"

Tony snorts. "Yeah, this room was never meant for this many people."

"You mean, because you all stand around all the time?" Natasha remarks.

"You really appreciate us, don't you," Clint returns.

"No, of course I do," she replies. "Just, you know, it's not really helping…?"

The door upstairs slams shut. Pepper jumps up. "Oh, that must be Bobbi. I'll go get her."

Sharon giggles, slipping off a table. "Wait for me! I really wanna meet her."

"Wow, Clint," Tony remarks. "You look thrilled."

"Fuck off," Clint counters. "Guess I should just go. Not like I'm needed here anyway."

Bruce breathes out deeply. "Oh, man, finally. Uh, Nat, if she says I fucked up, I'm sorry."

"Aw, come on, you definitely didn't fuck up," Natasha replies. "I'm totally alright. You did everything you could."

"So, the vampire blood," Tony remarks curiously. "How's that feel? Your arm? Burn or anything?"

Natasha raises her left arm, studying it. "Not really. It feels a little… empty? It's not spectacular, really."

"That's disappointing," Tony decides. "I was hoping for more insight into life and death and the great beyond. But then again, this guy doesn't know shit either."

She's not sure James listens to any of them, he certainly doesn't react. Clint, despite his announcement, still hasn't moved an inch. She shakes her head. "Yeah, sorry. I got nothing."

"Eh, it's fine," Tony replies. "Do y'all ever wonder what women talk about all the time? Cause I do."

Sam snorts. "All the time, yeah? The two minutes since Bobbi arrived, after they haven't seen each other in two years?"

"Sharon doesn't even know her," Tony points out. "And still they flock together instantly. There's something there and I don't understand it."

"Something being the refreshing absence of any kind of machismo?" Natasha suggests.

Tony snorts. "Come on, you don't get it either. You're not in that circle, you're not - you're not that kind of woman."

Somehow, that really stings. "What kind?"

Tony rolls his eyes. "Come on, you know what I mean. The woman kind. The womanly kind of woman."

She's about ready to throw something at him when the door opens and Pepper and Sharon come back, with them a tall blonde woman Natasha's never seen before. Sam gets up, grinning, and hugs her. Clint clears his throat, looking down.

"Ah, long time no see," Bobbi sighs. "You look good."

"You too," Sam replies. "Is it possible you've grown even taller?"

Bobbi snorts, letting go and slapping his shoulder. "Shut up. Hey Fury. Tones, how ya doin'?"

"Excellent," Tony replies. "Nobody listens to me, but other than that, excellent."

"So nothing new there," Bobbi remarks. "Hi Clint. Sorry I didn't call."

"That's alright," Clint replies, though he doesn't look alright with it. "How's Italy?"

"Well, the weather is great," Bobbi points out. "You know, it's got flair, hunting vampires through Florence."

"Oh, we're not talking about that sort of thing anymore," Tony remarks. "Since, ya know, we got a guest."

Bobbi's eyes flit over to where James is standing, practically immobile. "Oh yeah. Fury said."

"Uh, I put all the information together here," Bruce remarks, holding up a thick folder. "I hope that's all."

Bobbi rushes over to hug him. "Oh, hey Brucey! Sorry, didn't mean to leave you out."

Bruce blushes, tentatively hugging her back. "Uh, no problem. It's fine. Hey."

Bobbi snorts, pulling back. "Oh man, you haven't changed at all. Okay, now I got everybody, right? Just making sure."

"Unless you wanna hug the vampire," Tony suggests. "Not sure I'd recommend. Haven't tried, either."

James bares his fangs before catching himself. Bobbi stares at him, eyes narrowing, like a cat about to pounce. "Yeah, so, I'm Natasha," she interjects. "Which you probably already know. And… uh, that is James. Doesn't bite."

Tony snorts. "You know what, that was one of your better jokes."

"Yeah, okay, let's get to it," Bobbi replies, dragging a chair next to Natasha's bed and opening the folder. "Well, let's see… Y'all should probably get out."

"What are you going to do?" James asks quietly.

"I'm going to discuss that with her," Bobbi replies evenly, though the tension in her shoulders betrays her. "No offense."

"And you're a doctor?" James questions.

"Gynecologist," Bobbi explains impatiently. "Formerly. Don't worry about it."

James evidently worries very much about it. "Just want to get it right. You're a hunter as well? And you were here before Natalia?"

"Until about two years ago," Bobbi confirms. "Yeah."

"And you were with Barton before he was with Natalia?" James questions.

"Before he was what ?!" Bobbi interrupts.

"Oh, I thought you… knew," James remarks uselessly. Natasha groans.

"I fucking knew it," Tony jumps in. "So you were just lying the whole time-"

"It was one motherfucking time!" Clint defends. "One! Do we really have to-"

"Wow," Bobbi remarks, rubbing her eyes. "That's really fucking low, Clint."

"You were gone," Clint spits out. "I don't owe you-"

"Why does the vampire know all the interesting stuff?" Tony asks.

"Wait, you two had a- a thing?" Pepper pulls a face. "Urgh."

"Come on," Natasha tries. "It's really not a big deal."

"That was almost two years ago-" Clint adds.

"Oh, so right after I'm gone, you screw the-" Bobbi hisses. "Come on! Is she even 21 yet?!"

"24," Natasha remarks sourly.

"Oh yeah?" Clint asks sourly. "So what have you been up to, since-"

"Come on," Pepper interjects. "It's not about her! I just find that really- oh, come on."

"I hope you're not talking about screwing colleagues," Tony remarks. "Cause I got news on that, cupcake."

"That's very different," Pepper rejects. "Just the- Bobbi was here for years, you were together for years, and then you turn around and this girl you barely know- Urgh."

"Okay, you know what, let's postpone that," Bobbi interrupts. "Work to do. Everyone except Natasha out. And don't you think you're in the clear, you're absolutely not."

"You're not my fucking boss," Clint remarks coldly before striding out, slamming the door.

"Well, Natasha," Tony comments. "Looks like we learn something new about you every day."

"Leave her the fuck alone," James hisses.

"Okay, okay, we really should get out," Sam puts in. "Let Bobbi do her job."

"Yes please," Bobbi mutters, thumbing through the folder.

They slowly stream out, one by one, even James. Bobbi keeps going through the folder. Natasha doesn't really dare make a sound. "Bobbi?"

"Hm?"

"Are you mad?"

Bobbi smiles without looking up. "At you? No. I mean, you never even met me. From Clint's part, though, that's very midlife crisis."

Natasha sighs. "Really wasn't a big thing. Just tried it out, you know, and agreed it wasn't right for us."

"I don't want him back," Bobbi states. "I'm not jealous. It's just… disrespectful of what we had, I guess."

"So is it true?" Natasha asks. "You got a new guy?"

Bobbi snorts. "Oh yeah. Not sure about it, though. He's… pretty much like Clint, except he doesn't expect us to have a family. So that's an advantage. Wait, Bruce did an endovaginal scan on you?"

Natasha closes her eyes. "Yeah. Though Sam did the… you know, the fingers up my vagina part."

"Not sure that couldn't have waited a couple of days, but okay," Bobbi remarks. "Good to have it. So, Fury said you want to keep the baby."

Natasha hesitates. "I'm… not so sure about that anymore."

"Well, I'll take a look myself then," Bobbi suggests. "If you even can have it."

  Bobbi does every check imaginable, or so it seems, and somehow none of it is a big deal. Just routine. Couple of moments and then it's done. "So, you really like the vampire, huh?" she asks absentmindedly.

Natasha sighs. "I don't know. It was never meant to be… this serious, you know."

"Does he want you to have it?" Bobbi adds.

"Absolutely not," Natasha replies. "To the effect that he can't be a good father. I don't think it… means anything to him, other than a danger to my life."

"I mean, you don't need him," Bobbi remarks, taking notes. "He's out now. The rest is between you and God. If you're into that."

Natasha snorts. "Right. That."

Bobbi drops the pen, looking up. "Seriously, did he ever try to kill you? Suck your blood?"

"No," Natasha replies quickly. "No. Never. Not even in the very beginning, really."

Bobbi frowns. "And the... bite wound on your shoulder… is…?"

Fuck, she totally forgot about that. "That's… not that. Very recent."

"Sexual," Bobbi states.

"Sort of," Natasha allows. "I don't know, it just… it wasn't a thing, it just… sorta happened. Kinda weird."

"That's probably worse," Bobbi remarks.

"I trust him," Natasha defends. "It wasn't… I don't want to go into it but… it wasn't that. He wasn't trying to turn me, or drink me. Just- dominance. Sexual. Just don't read into it."

Bobbi raises an eyebrow and goes back to her notes. "Okay. Your call. Just, you can tell me. I'm not here to judge."

"No, I can tell you are," Natasha replies. "Even if you try. I'm good, really. That's not the issue. The issue is, well, this."

Bobbi snorts softly. "I'll tell you in a second. Really, though… how did this happen? Not the magic regrowing of your uterus, that's a different can of worms, just… this."

"I don't know," Natasha repeats. "I wasn't looking for this. Just… I never even realized how awkward I felt around everyone else, like I… Over the years as a hunter, I developed this really dark side and… he just understood that and I could just tell him about- stuff I did, that I didn't really like what I was turning into without having to hide- and I understood that he's also trying, that he's captive, that we're quite alike in- I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

"So you like him as a person," Bobbi remarks.

"Yeah," Natasha agrees. "What else?"

"Vampires were always a sexual fantasy," Bobbi replies. "And there's still plenty of would-be monster fuckers out there, believe it or not."

Natasha snorts. "Look, the vampire thing is- a little disgusting, sometimes, frankly, mostly very useful in a fight and… I like him despite it, I guess."

"Okay, I have a last question that I don't usually ask." Bobbi closes the folder, crossing her arms over it. "You need to pinpoint exactly when you conceived, or when you could have conceived. I need to know how long it took to get this big."

"I don't know," Natasha replies. "You got the end of my last period, in there, and-"

"26 days ago," Bobbi replies. "Yes. Every single time you had unprotected sex with him after that."

So all the times. "Look, none of this should have ever been possible-"

"I know," Bobbi interrupts. "It's not about judgement. The thing is, you have a foetus of over 20 weeks in your belly and it matters a great deal whether it grew into that over 25 days or 15 days."

20 weeks. It's a lot scarier when Bobbi says it, rather than Bruce. "I guess… right after. 25 days or so. Then two days after that and… when I killed the black cloak, I guess, though I'm not sure that- wait, I remember the black cloak said I smelled weird. James too. Is it possible they could smell that I was pregnant?"

"Hormonal change, definitely," Bobbi replies. "Ask him sometime whether pregnant women smell special to him. So, to sum up, right after your period, not very likely, you wouldn't be very fertile. Two days after that, still early but possible, especially if your hormones were off. Now, before you killed the black cloak, you injected a lot of vampire blood, right?"

"Right."

"Which is what you take now to keep up with the massive growth of the baby," Bobbi remarks. "Sorry, foetus. So you wouldn't have noticed adverse pregnancy effects until after, which is exactly what happened. That plus the smell. If you conceived about 23 days ago, a week's worth of normal foetus growth would happen in about a day for you."

"And that would mean…"

"That would mean you'd give birth in about two weeks," Bobbi concludes. "I mean, if you decide to. That's up to you."

"But I could?"

"It looks remarkably good, all things considered," Bobbi states. "Your body adjusted well to the current size of the foetus. I can't see anything that would prevent you from having a regular pregnancy, at least right now. Now, there are some caveats."

"I'm listening." Natasha sits up slightly.

"First thing, I cannot make any guarantees for the next two weeks," Bobbi starts. "It looks normal right now but that could change any day. So really can't promise you'll get to carry this to term, or what comes out then. Second thing, I'm absolutely morally okay with aborting up to the day of birth in this case. It's gonna be messy, given the size and possible complications, but if it's necessary, I'll absolutely do it. And I want you to consent to that right now, in case the complications are so severe you wouldn't be conscious. Is that okay with you?"

"You mean, if it's literally killing me?" Natasha asks.

"That," Bobbi confirms. "Or posing a severe risk to your health. This is already pretty risky, of course, but you get the idea."

"Okay," Natasha remarks. "If you're not opposed in principle to me having it… I trust you."

"Thank you." Bobbi opens the folder again. "Now, third thing… you injected a lot of vampire blood already and you're probably going to need more over the next two weeks. I'm really not an expert on that, better ask Bruce, but… it's gonna have long-term consequences. I have no idea which but this will affect your body somehow. Maybe it will weaken your bones, lead to organ failure, increased risk of stroke, cancer, impact your auto-immune system, who knows, really, but something's going to happen. Now, Fury said the Red Skull is hunting you, so your life expectancy is not that high anyway, but if you live for a few more years or decades, there'll be consequences. Do you understand that?"

"I'm already in for that, right?" Natasha shakes her head. "I stopped thinking about the long term long ago."

"Haven't we all," Bobbi mutters. "Okay, one more thing… maybe Bruce already told you."

"What?"

"Your ovaries look really bad," Bobbi states. "You already had damage to them, according to Bruce's notes, but they've shrunk even more. I can't predict it with certainty but it is very likely you will go into menopause right after this, never have your period again, never have another child. I'd assume that factors into your decision."

Natasha swallows. "So this… window I never thought would open just opened, and if I don't jump through right now, it's gone again. This is the only shot."

"The only shot for biologically having your own child," Bobbi specifies. "There's always the possibility for adoption, so you shouldn't feel too pressured by that. Just laying it all out."

Natasha snorts, letting her head drop back, eyes towards the concrete ceiling. "I feel pretty pressured, though."

"Sorry, but in the end, it's your choice," Bobbi replies. "I won't object from a medical standpoint if you decide to continue, at least right now. It may be dumb but this desire to procreate, to have your own child is deeply ingrained. I'd understand if you want to continue, and I'd understand if you don't."

"Let's assume I change my mind in a few days," Natasha suggests. "Would you… even if there's no medical emergency, would you still… do the abortion?"

"Absolutely," Bobbi replies without hesitation. "Told you. This is a vampire baby, so all rules and procedures are off. Also, you've known you're pregnant for a couple of days now, that would be ridiculous."

"If I decide to continue, I can change my mind later," Natasha sums up. "And if I decide not to, I can't."

"Really can't put it back in, no," Bobbi confirms with a grin. "So yeah. If you've got a real interest in having this child and you're willing to take the risk, it makes most sense to wait and see how it goes. Then you can also talk it over with, you know, whoever you want to talk it over with."

"I think… talking to you…" Natasha shakes her head. "I think that already helped me a lot."

"That's part of my job," Bobbi replies, pushing her chair back. "Or it used to be, before. Okay, then I'll go and tell the others you're keeping it for now, and then I'll probably go to sleep. Had a long drive. But I'll be back tomorrow, don't worry."

"Yeah, okay." Natasha closes her eyes. "Thanks, really. I know that's a lot to ask from you as well."

[licenselesswriter]

Ten Duel Commandments CH4

If they don’t reach peace, that’s alright

Thursday, December 19, 2019

Riley looks at her food without any emotion, "Poor, sloppy joe, why do I have to discharge my misery with you?" she asks to her lunch.

"Maybe you should eat it instead of talking to it," Isadora comments before taking some fries from Farkle's lunch.

They were interrupted by Lucas, who sits in front of Riley, "Hey," he started, "Think we can talk for a minute?" he asks.

"Piss off," Farkle says.

"Yeah? And you're going to force me? I would love to see that," Lucas replies to Farkle. He then turns his eyes to Riley again, "Like I was saying, I would be grateful if you give a few minutes of your time," he adds.

A bit dumbfounded, Riley keeps looking at Lucas, "Eh, yeah, sure," she replies.

Lucas smiles at her, "Great. I will text you where," he says and then looks at Farkle, deciding to let a bit of his frustration with him a bit, "You didn't see that coming," he says to him before leaving the room.

Farkle and Riley's eyes were glued to his back, one with murderous intentions, the other one, feeling butterflies on her stomach.  

"Motherfucker," Farkle curses him, "Quoting Quicksilver to me," he adds.

Riley looks at Farkle, "I know he probably doesn't want to talk about us, but I can't avoid thinking that deep inside him, he still has feelings for me," she says.

Isadora gives her a sad look that she overlooked, "Sometimes, ignorance it's bliss," she thought to herself.

"Please tell me you're not gonna meet him," Farkle says.

"He was polite," Riley argues.

"He broke your heart," Farkle argues back.

Riley falls into silence. Even when she didn't want to admit it, she knew her best friend was right, "Yeah, but still," she says.

.

Riley walks straight into an Italian gelateria.

Lucas lifts his hand to call her attention, and she makes her way to his table, "Thank you for coming," he says to her.

Riley smiles at him, "Thank you for asking me," she replies.

Lucas takes a sip of his coffee and notices that Riley didn't have anything for her, "God, where are my manners? Please, ask anything you want," he offers.

Riley smile at him, "Thank you," she says before Lucas called a waitress, "Yes, can I have a latte?" she asks. 

The waitress smiles at her and nods in confirmation.

A few minutes later, she brings Riley her order. She smiles at Lucas before talking, "So, what you want to talk about?" she asks him.

Lucas takes a deep breath looking at his coffee cup, and then looks at her friend, "We need to talk about us and how our relationship is affection our whole group," he answers.

Riley gets a little excited when she heard Lucas say 'us' even when that doesn't even mean the 'us' she was hoping for, "I'm all ears," she replies.

Lucas takes a bite of his doughnut and lets it fill his stomach, "Riley, I miss you," he started.

Riley smile, "Well, you know, I missed you too," she says.

"As a friend," Lucas adds, making Riley's smile disappear.

"Ok, no need to keep rubbing it," she says, looking outside, avoiding his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Riley, but I'm in love with someone else," he confesses.

"Please, I don't want to hear it," she replies.

"That's the problem, Riley, you need to hear this," Lucas says, taking her attention in a second, "Riley, you were the first person who receives me here in a good way, and I will always be thankful for that," he stated, "But our story as more than friends ended more than a year ago, I love you, but as my first friend in New York, and I miss you, and Farkle, who, do to your friendship, hates me now," he finally let it go.

Riley looks at Lucas in a mix of confusion and anger, "You're blaming me because Farkle took my side?" she asks him, a bit outraged.

"I'm not blaming you, Riley. I'm just stating the facts here," Lucas replies, "Don't you think I miss going to the movies with you? Or spend Saturday nights playing COD with Farkle? I miss my friends, Riley," he defends himself.

Riley stays silent for a few minutes, making Lucas nervous.

"Please say something," he asks.

"Don't know what exactly you want me to say, Lucas," Riley replies.

Lucas looks outside the gelateria, losing himself in the New York winter, "Riley, you need to understand something. I truly loved you," he confesses. 

"Should I take that as a consolation prize?" Riley asks.

Still looking outside, Lucas smiles, "No," he answers, "I loved the way we used to be, but it's been a lot of time since that, and I'm not that guy anymore," he adds.

"Really?" In complete sarcasm, Riley asks, "Enlight me, tell me what's so different about you?" she asks.

Lucas laughs, "God, you sound like Maya when you're mad," he says before finally looking at her, "Riley, I'm not your prince, I never will, I'm a human, just like you, with defects and virtues," he adds.

"That's not something different. That's a fact," Riley replies.

"True," Lucas says, taking another sip of his coffee, "Riley, I fell in love with someone else, and you can't change that because I can't control it," he finally answers.

Riley feels the oxygen pulled from her lungs. She clears her throat, "Oh," she says, "So, you and 'her' are an item now?" she asks.

"No, we're not," Lucas answers, "I wish someday we can, but just as you feel right now, someone else is between us," he adds, "And there is nothing I can do to change that unless she took the chance on me," he continues.

"Please, look at you, which woman, in her sane mind, would reject you?" she asks in a very sarcastic tone.

"Someone who loves way too much another person, Riley," Lucas answers.

"So, you're in the same situation I am?" she asks, "Then you, asking me only to be friends and give up on you sounds a bit hypocritical to me," she adds.

"It is," Lucas replies, "But there is a little difference between our situations," he adds.

Riley felt like time was going slower, and those few seconds, turn into minutes, "She loves you back," she says.

"At least that's what I want to believe," Lucas answers.

Riley looks down into their table, "I think it's best if we stop seeing for some time," she finally said.

Lucas looks sad at her words but dared to look at her one more time, "Ok, I understand," he softly says, "Will this be the end of us?" he asks.

"I said some time, not forever," she answers, gently caressing his hand.

Lucas takes her hand and kisses it, "I'm sorry I could not give you the love you deserve, Riley," Lucas apologizes.

"Please, don't be cruel," Riley softly says.

"I'm sorry?" Lucas asks, surprised.

"How can I take an apology for you being truly in love with another person? Making me accept that apology, it's just cruel," she says.

Lucas looks at Riley, and a part of his heart broke when he noticed the tears going down her cheeks, "I should give you some space," he says, getting up from his chair.

Riley fastly grabs his hand, stopping him, "Don't," she says, getting up too, "This is your place. I have mine," she adds, before opening her wallet and putting a few dollars on the table before turning, ready to leave.

This time, Lucas stopped her, "See you someday?" he asks.

"Yeah, just not today," she answers, freeing herself from Lucas's hand, leaving him alone in that gelateria.

Lucas retakes his seat and calls the waitress, "Can I have another coffee and two doughnuts? Also, I want six doughnuts, a pint of mint with chocolate chips, and a pint Dulce de leche with chocolate chips to take away," he adds.

The waitress left, and Lucas immediately takes his phone out of his pocket, dialing a number he had in his memory, "Hey, I don't think we would be able to see each other today," he says to Maya.

"Didn't go well?" Maya asks.

"I send a hurricane to your place," he answers.

"I ask you not to hurt her," Maya softly says.

"I did my best," Lucas replies, "But we both knew nothing good would come out for being honest with her," he adds.

"Pain is necessary," Maya says.

"Suffering is optional," Lucas completes.

"God, now I need ice cream," she says.

Lucas smiles, knowing that, even when their secret was hurting Riley, Maya still cared about her in a sisterly way, "Don't worry, already make arrangements for that," he adds.

Maya takes a few seconds before saying something, "Are you gonna be ok?" she asks.

"Yeah," Lucas answers, staying silent a few seconds after that, "I love you," he says.

"I love you too," Maya replies.

Lucas unconsciously smiles, "Good to know," he says, "Call you tonight?" he asks.

"If I have time, I will," Maya replies.

Farkle and Isadora were at his house watching a documentary as every Thursday, both with two different approaches. 

As anyone might think, Isadora paid ninety percent attention to the documentary and ten percent to Farkle.

While on the other side, Farkle gave zero percent attention to the documentary and one hundred percent attention to his fantasies about hurting Lucas for hurting his best friend.

And sadly, for him, Isadora was able to tell.

She grabs the remote and suddenly pauses the documentary before turning her body to her boyfriend, "Dearest one, do you mind giving me a few minutes?" she asks.

Out of his stupor, Farkle fastly looks at Isadora, "I'm sorry, what do you need?" he asks.

Isadora takes his hand and pulls him up, "Not here, let's go to your room," she says while she lightly looks at Farkle parent's on the dining room.

"Ok?" Farkle replies, confused.

Once they finally were in his room, Isadora sits on his bed.

Farkle wasn't able to suppress flushing at that sight, "So, what you wanted to talk about?" he asks.

"How do you know I want to talk about something?" Isadora asks back.

"Well, you drag me away from the living room where my parents were, so I guess you want to talk about something important because I doubt that you want to have intercourse with my parents here," he jokes.

Isadora smiles, "Clever, as usual, my dearest one," she says before relaxing a bit in Farkle's bed, "Ok, let me be straight with you," she started.

"Please, go on," Farkle says, looking at Isadora.

Isadora let escape a deep sigh from her lungs before looking at Farkle, maybe for the last time, "In what moment you stopped loving me and rediscover your feelings for bubbles?" she asks him.

Farkle looks at her, surprised, confused, and for the first time, dumbfounded, "Come again?" he asks.

Isadora looks at the floor, "Please don't play dumb. We both know you're not," she replies, "I'm gonna ask this just one more time, Farkle," she continues before taking a deep breath, "Since when?" she asks.

Farkle looks at the ground, in a mixture of shame and sadness, "Is that how I'm making you feel now?" he asks.

"Answer mine and I will answer yours," Isadora replies, pushing further.

Farkle feel how all his emotions fastly turn into anger, "You sure this is about me? I mean, after all, you've seen to be spending a lot of time with Zay," he questions her.

Isadora gets up from his bed and walks closer to him, only to slap him the hardest she can in the face, "The difference is that I'm in love with you, and Zay is in love with Vanessa. Also, he loves us together," she argues.

Farkle fastly starts to caress his cheek, "So, that makes me a cheater and you a saint?" he asks.

Isadora gets closer to him, and Farkle gets a bit defensive, "Unlike you, I've only confessed feelings for you, not anyone else," she adds.

"You sure? What about Lucas?" Farkle asks, trying to corner her.

"Being objective is not cheating, but acting like you're acting because Bubble didn't get her prince makes me think that you might be desperate to go and comfort her," she argues back.

In complete disbelief, Farkle looks at Isadora for the first time, right into her eyes, only to see anger and hurt. He walks to his door and opens it for her, "Go home, Isadora," Farkle says, holding his bedroom door for her.

"No," she immediately refuses, "We're gonna discuss this now," she draws the line.

Maya was nervous, not because of what Lucas said, but more about hiding any proof that Lucas spends more than a friendly time at her place.

"Ok, it seems like everything is out," she says, taking off her sweat with her shirt. 

Immediately noticing that she wasn't wearing one of hers but one of his, "Shit," she says and fastly takes off her shirt, running to her closet to get one of hers, noticing in the second how many of his shirt she has 'borrow' from him. 

"I seriously need to stop taking his shirts," she says to herself, taking one of her old Rolling Stones shirts.

A few minutes later, she heard a knock on her door that startled the hell of her. She jumps into her bed and grabs her phone from her nightstand, "Shawn?" she asks.

"Riley," Riley replies from outside the door.

Maya knew it was the time, so she gets up from her bed and opens her door, almost praying that her best friend doesn't notice that she already knew everything.

"Honey?" she asks, opening the door, and what she saw messed up her a bit.

"Turns out, he's in love with someone else," she says, cleaning her tears.

"I'm so sorry," Maya says, immediately hugging Riley.

"Why?" Riley asks.

"Because you're my friend, and it pains me looking at you cry," Maya replies in half a lie.

"You're a way better friend than I am," Riley says, hugging Maya back.

Maya felt how her stomach drops to the floor. A rush of nausea hits her immediately, "Don't worry," she says, managing to control her temper, "You know, it's not like I'm always ready for something, but I have ice cream in the fridge, and the login info of your Netflix account," she says.

Riley smiles at her before separating a bit from her, "Mint with chocolate chips?" she asks.

In the second, Maya notices how well Lucas knew both of them, "Yes," she answers. Thankfully, Lucas also got her Dulce de leche with chocolate chips, "Ok, give me a second, lay on my bed, I will be back with the ice cream," she says, "And maybe chips," she adds before leaving her room.

Seconds later, Maya came back with two pints of ice cream, two spoons, a bag of chips, and a paper bag with doughnuts, "Ready to have your mind blown away by Elle Woods?" she asks.

"Always rea," Riley answers until she saw the logo on the pints, "Where did you get those?" she asks.

"Ice cream from the fridge, chips from Shawn's secret hiding spot, doughnuts from the counter of the kitchen," she answers.

A bit suspicious, Riley let it go, "Behind the juice maker?" she asks.

"Oh my God, they even copy their hiding spots," Maya comments with a huge smile.

.

In the middle of the movie, both Maya and Riley receive a call. They look at each other, and Maya was the first to answer, "Who is it?" she says.

"Farkle, you?" Riley asks back.

"Huckleberry," Maya replies, "Don't worry, I'll be back in a second. It must be urgent if he's calling," she adds before walking out of the room.

Riley takes that time to answer Farkle's call, "Hello Farkles," she says, taking a chip to take a bit of Maya's ice cream.

"Busy?" Farkle asks in a sad tone.

"Not really, watching Legally Blonde with Maya, you?" she asks back.

"I need help," he answers in the same sad tone.

"Farkle, you're making me nervous," Riley says, hearing a loud 'What?' coming from the living room.

"Isadora break-up with me," he softly says.

"What?" Riley shouts.

"I have ice cream and Netflix, please, I need my friend," he begs.

"I'll be there in a bit," Riley says, "Please don't do anything stupid," she adds.

"I'm depressed, not suicidal," he replies.

"Good, keep it that way until I arrive. See you in a bit,"  she says before finishing the call.

Once she was arranging her things, Maya returned to her room, "I guess he told you," Maya says.

"Yeah," Riley replies before hugging Maya, "Sorry I need to cut the movie short, but our friend needs us. You're coming?" she asks.

Maya looks at her, nervous, "I'm sorry, I can't," she answers.

"Maya, Farkle is our best friend," she argues.

"Riley, I can't leave Smackle in the hands of Huckleberry and Robin Lunch," Maya argues back.

"I can't believe you," Riley says, disappointed, "Well, I'm going to Farkle," she adds before jog to Maya's front door, "Let's talk tomorrow, ok?" she says before leaving her apartment.

Maya makes sure that Riley was out of her apartment to let herself rest. Finally, she takes her phone and put it on her ear, "I guess you hear that," she says.

"Yeah," Lucas replies.

"I'm going to check Shawn's second hiding spot. He probably has cookies or something we can eat," Maya says, walking to the kitchen.

"For the record, we bought food too," Lucas says.

"Yeah, I don't trust you both with Smackle. Just bring her here, so I can find a way to make her forget for a bit," she replies.

"I'm offended by that, but we already are in our way," Lucas says before chuckling a bit.

"Riley doesn't need to find out why they broke up," Maya remembers him.

"Ok, message to Zay, noted," Lucas says, "She would be devastated if she knows that Farkle breaks up with Isadora because he's still in love with her," he comments.

"See you soon?" Maya asks, trying to forget the last ten minutes.

"Yeah," Lucas replies before finishing the call.

I regret nothing.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

It feels like I'm a lone survivor Forgotten in a dark and deadly world And on my own I walk alone To see the sun again I'd give anything But life demands a final chapter A story that we all must leave behind It's do or die, and this is mine The anthem of a bird with a broken wing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ga4F0_xGQI

This song suits Amy so much it’s like it was written for her, no clowning... like... perfectly...

And by her side are three butterflies, much like the tattoo she has on her leg. These are pink, red and purple. 

Pink for love, red for anger, purple for magic.

Spoiler Alert!! I read the recent chapters of BNHA... or recent chapter... 275... and been drawing pictures for it since I’m still doing the insert OC in canon thing. It’s fun!

And I’m writing down some of the spoilers of what I have recently read from the chapter so... beware... 

Also beware but Amy is a little too talented at giving very scathing speeches so... yeah watch out for her scathing speech down below...

So...

Amy’s decided.

She’s coming in to “save everyone’s asses”

And now that Aizawa has entered the fray... it gives Amy more of a reluctant reason to go. She’s still harboring a fair amount of resentment towards him and hasn’t fully forgiven him yet. But... since Amy has unstable relationships her love or hate can change just like that. However, even though she claims to hate someone even though she can’t let go of the love she has for them, even if the anger and resentment is still there. And unfortunately Aizawa is one of the many people she has an unstable relationship with. She still resents him, still feels like he abandoned her, because he kinda did. 

But because she still loves him (like every other teenager girl who acts like she hates her dad) doesn’t want to do the same and abandon him, she’s actually coming to help.

Not only that but Bakugo are there too, and so is Izuku, well, she still resents/hates Izuku too, yet another unstable relationship and yet another person she’s harboring a fair amount of resentment towards as well, in a woman scorned kinda fashion. But she isn’t willing to let him die either, and especially not Bakugo, who she slowly grew to love and developed an oddly stable relationship with and is more open about wanting to protect him. 

So... she’s gonna fight, and gonna save her friends, and isn’t afraid of death being a possibility. Where she grew up, she’s learned to not fear death and she’s in a bargaining stage where life or death are two options for her (plus a secret third option). If she lives, that’ll be all right, but if she dies, that won’t be so bad either. Cuz if she does, at least it’ll be for the sake of people she loves, and people she claims to hate but actually really loves very much and just hides it with vitriol. 

“I’m here so you dumb asshats don’t become dead dumb asshats. And you know I had a choice, and now I’m probably gonna be a dead dumb asshat too just so I can save your asses when I don’t even have to. I mean why should I? You abandoned me when my parents died and when I needed you, when I wanted you, you let Ms. Fiona take me away from my home halfway across the fucking world even though you knew the bitch was evil, you got mad at me when I acted out for your attention, you yelled at me, you took someone else in even though I wanted you to take me in and that just made me feel like shit and somehow you didn’t get that, and you didn’t even apologize for it. You are the worst teacher in the world, and you are also the worst second dad in the world because you were never really my second dad were you? I can at least say this though, I don’t owe you a goddamn thing, and yet here I am anyway.”

“Izuku you’re almost even worse, but I’m choosing to blame you the most because I thought a fellow outcast and a sweet boy like you would have understood my pain, but you’re not sweet... you hurt my feelings and you ended up disappointing me like so many others had. You rejected my feelings for you and you couldn’t handle the fact that I’m not some nice basic bitch that’s apparently every pathetic virgin’s wet dream, you called me an insane selfish brat, you punched me in the face and you beat me up, and all of that made me feel like shit too. And now you’re making me have to step into a goddamn warzone and I’m probably not even gonna get a chance to see Endgame or see who finally wins Game of Thrones!!”

*inhale and exhale*

“But over the last few months I realized something.. I'm way too nice... and I love way too much. It's my fatal flaw and it's going to be the literal death of me because it's why I'm here. Since you two have given me no choice. Now I’ll have to murder this motherfucker and save your ass.” 

Tell the world I know that my mind is made It's a horror show, but I'm not afraid Though I won't be missed, I would say it's time For a different twist in the story line...

[master-sass-blast]

Pride

WE INTERRUPT THE PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED CONTENT BECAUSE-

LADIES, LORDS, AND NOBLE GENTRY OF NON-CONFORMING GENDER IDENTITIES-

IT’S MOTHERFUCKING PRIDE MONTH!!!!

And the way I see it, we can’t do Pride month without having at least one (1) Pride themed fic. Which is why I stopped working on the previously scheduled content for this week and busted out a Pride themed fic instead!

Which is this fic here! In case... that wasn’t... clear...

Anywho.

Summary: You and Piotr take some of the teens at the X-Mansion to New York City’s Pride festival --and meet some interesting people while you’re there.

Rating: T for moderate language. If it wasn’t for that, this fic would be G.

Pairings: Piotr Rasputin x Reader, Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson, and Ellie Phimister x Yukio.

(Author’s Note One: I know that Kitty is alluded to possibly being bisexual in some of the comics. Here, she’s queer in the sense that she doesn’t quite know where she lands yet, but she knows she’s not straight. Considering I have her around 17, I figured having her be a little more ambiguous --since she’s in the early stages of her journey in discovering herself--was fitting.

Author’s Note Two: I headcanon Illyana as asexual. Also, asexual/aromantic people belong in the queer community/at Pride. If you don’t like any of that, die mad about it.

Author’s Note Three: Lzzy Hale does identify as bisexual/pansexual, which is why I decided to write in Halestorm performing at Pride (aside from my obsession with them). Basically, I just want to be clear that I’m not writing in a straight person performing at a Pride festival, say, for instance, Ariana Grande. *side-eyes Manchester*

Author’s Note Four: Your sexuality, as the Reader, is kept entirely ambiguous. There are several sexuality and/or gender identities (and combinations therein) that “allow” for being attracted to and in a relationship with a cisgender, heterosexual man (which is how I write Piotr), so I didn’t want to stick a label on the Reader’s “character” and ruin the immersion for everyone who doesn’t identify with that label. If you do identify as queer, then feel free to imagine yourself in whatever Pride themed gear you have, and as attending Pride as a queer person in a relationship with a straight person! If not, your role in the story is strictly what it says in the fic: to help Piotr chaperone the teens and to support the students in embracing the most authentic versions of themselves, whatever that may be! Just so we’re all clear.)

Tag list: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie

“—and stay together… Kitty, are you listening?”

“What? Oh, yeah, totally!”

You can’t help but chuckle at your boyfriend’s exasperated expression as Kitty Pryde, one of the latest teen trainees to come to Xavier’s, continues bouncing back and forth to whatever song she was listening to on her phone.

Summer’s normally a low-key time for the Institute. Most of the students only stay for the traditional school year, which means that the summer season sees a mass exodus of most of the mansion’s temporary residents and trainees. Save for missions and training, summer’s usually an entirely dialed back, relaxed affair.

Except for June.

One thing you’ve learned since arriving at Xavier’s is that minority groups have a way of overlapping. Several of the mutants that attend Xavier’s identify as queer in some way, shape, or form –and most of the permanent residents were queer as well, having been kicked out of their homes for the identity and genetics.

Sad as the rejection rates are, you’ve witnessed firsthand just how hard the staff at Xavier’s worked to make sure that all their residents feel accepted, supported, and loved.

Including taking teenaged and adult residents to New York City’s annual Pride festival.

Illyana, already decked out in her usual muted colors and a shirt dyed with the asexual Pride flag colors, purses her lips as Kitty bobs her head back and forth. “Katya –Katya, sit still.”

“I am!” Kitty insists as she continues bouncing up and down and mouthing the lyrics to whatever she’s listening to. “I’m totally chill!”

You bite back a snort as Illyana narrows her eyes—

And then the blonde teen yanks none too gently on Kitty’s hair.

“Ow!” Kitty shrieks, dropping her phone as she claps her hands to her head. “What the heck!”

“You want hair braided, da?” Illyana plucks the earbuds out of her friend’s ears and tilts Kitty’s head back so the –barely—younger teen can see her displeased expression. “Sit. Still.”

“Gentle, snezhinka,” Piotr says to his baby sister, tone warning.

“Yeah,” Kitty agrees, smoothing her shirt with a rainbow patterned Star of David silk-screened on the front. “Chill out, ‘yana.”

“Are we almost ready?” Ellie asks as she bounds into the kitchen, Yukio hot on her heels. “We need to leave in ten minutes if we want to get a good spot to see Halestorm play.”

Piotr had volunteered –and you along with him—to chaperone the trip this year, which basically amounted to herding a bunch of particularly fickle cats all over the place.

“Chill, dude,” Kitty says as she tries to reach for her phone. “It’s just a rock band.”

“Just a rock band?” Ellie and Illyana say simultaneously, aghast.

“Are you sure we have this handled?” you whisper to your boyfriend as Ellie and Illyana both start in on separate rants about Lzzy Hale’s status as a queer woman and the classifications of rock versus metal music, respectively.

“I am having second thoughts,” Piotr admits, grimacing slightly. “But I think it will all be worth-while at conclusion.”

You smile and kiss his shoulder. “I think so, too.”

“Wait, are you still in your pajama pants?” Ellie props herself up on the counter –and, sure enough, Kitty’s only half-dressed. “Are you fucking serious, Pryde? Do you want us to end up at the fucking fringes?”

“Language, NTW,” Piotr interjects before things can get too out of hand. “Self-control, please. Kitty, why are you not dressed?”

“Well, ‘yana was going to braid my hair—”

“Which I cannot do—” Illyana yanks Kitty’s head up again, prompting another yelp from the brunette “—if you keep moving!”

Kitty glares at her impromptu stylist. “You’re a real sadist, you know.”

“Okay,” you say, picking up Kitty’s phone and earbuds and holding them out of reach. “How about you sit still and let Illyana do your hair, and then go get dressed. Ellie, why don’t you work with Piotr and get us packed up, if you’re so worried about being late.”

“Good idea, Y/N,” Piotr says, mouthing a quick “thank you” at you when Kitty finally sits still with a huff.

You wink and blow a kiss at him, then turn when the back door swings open.

Wade strolls in, wearing a black t-shirt that says “It’s time to pan-ic” with the text colored like the pansexual pride flag; Nathan follows, wearing a tank top that says “Bi until I die” with each row of text matching an individual stripe from the bisexual pride flag.

Kitty grins. “Damn. Looking cool, dudes.”

“Always do, Snickers.”

Illyana blinks. “What?”

“He started calling me ‘Kit-Kat,’” Kitty explains with a resigned sigh. “And then it just escalated into other candies.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, sour lemon drop.”

Your snort and shake your head before heading off to help Piotr and Ellie pack up the car.

***

Fortunately for Kitty’s existence and Ellie’s sanity, you arrive with plenty of time to get a good spot for the Pride concert.

“Sunscreen,” Piotr insists before Ellie can dart off to get the best possible spot remaining. He clasps her shoulder and holds a bottle of SPF 100 out to her. “Please and thank you.”

“No way!” Kitty gripes when Piotr holds a second bottle out to her. “I want to tan.”

“You’re ninety percent European Jew by ancestry,” Ellie fires off. “You’ll just burn.”

“Yeah, but it’ll turn into a tan. Duh.”

“Use the sunscreen,” Wade says with a cheery smile as he puts on a lightweight hoodie and a baseball cap. “If you don’t, you’ll wind up looking like me.”

Kitty grimaces and recoils. “Ew!”

“Be nice!” Illyana hisses, elbowing her friend in the side.

“It’s all good,” Wade says with a shrug as Kitty starts slathering herself in sunscreen. “I’m all for scaring people into making better life choices.”

***

The lot of you manage to get a spot about thirty feet back from the stage where most of the artists are performing. With Wade in a hoodie and cap and Nathan in a jacket and sunglasses, no one even gives you a second glance.

And then Halestorm comes onstage, and the music kicks in, and then the amount of glances you get plunges into the negative numbers.

Not that you can blame anyone for it. The energy the band manages to kick up is astounding.

Ellie looks like she’s seeing the face of God for the first time. She’s more animated than you’ve ever seen her, singing along to the lyrics of every song with flawless accuracy.

You and Piotr share a smile behind her back. So precious.

Halfway through the set, Piotr kneels down and puts his trainee up on his shoulders so she has a better view of the stage.

You manage to snap a quick picture of Ellie’s grinning face. That’s one for the memory books.

***

Ellie practically dives off Piotr’s shoulders once Halestorm walks off the stage.

“Blyad!” Piotr yelps, startled –Illyana barks out a quick laugh—as he catches Ellie from face-planting into the pavement. “Slow down!”

“Okay, I get why you were so excited to see them live,” Kitty says, grinning. “Lzzy’s super hot.”

“Told you,” Illyana and Ellie say in unison.

Ellie starts rummaging through her bag. “My aunt got us VIP passes to go to the signing. If we leave now, we should get there when things kick off.”

“Yeah, right,” Kitty argues. “We’re basically at the front of the crowd. There’s no way we’ll get there ahead of everyone else.”

Illyana’s eyes light up. “Everyone, grab on to me.”

Piotr frowns. “Snezhinka, nyet—”

She smiles impishly at her older brother as Ellie, Yukio, Kitty, Wade, and Nate grab onto her arms. “Sozhaleyu, medvezhonok.”

And then she winks out of view, taking everyone with her.

You bite back a laugh as Piotr’s expression morphs into one of brotherly fury. “Come on. We can check out the vendor stalls while they get their autographs.”

“Except Kitty, Yukio, and Ellie are all minors, and I am responsible for them as chaperone.”

“Oh. Right.” You do laugh this time, then squeeze his hand when he gives you a consternated look. “Well, let’s go collect our kids, then.”

***

By the time the two of you reach the autograph area, Nathan and Wade already have the teens waiting outside the security checkpoint.

Ellie’s practically vibrating with excitement as she shoves a CD case with a silver signature inked on it in Piotr’s face. “Check it out!”

“Very nice,” Piotr says with a smile equal parts indulgent and fond.

“She signed my hand, too!”

“And now you’re never going to wash that hand again,” Wade jokes.

“No,” Ellie says with a frown. “That’s gross, even by your standards.”

“Not really, considering I never wash my hands to begin with.”

Kitty gags and claps a hand over her mouth. “I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Alright, everyone,” you say with an amused eye roll. “Let’s go find a place to sit for lunch.”

***

You wind up running into some of the college students and other fledgling adults that train with the X-Men and end up sitting with them.

“Yeah, my aunt brought me to the parade last year,” Ellie says, recounting her first experience with Pride. “After I came out.”

Wade nods, genuinely listening and conversing for once. “‘Ness and I went together each year after we got together.”

“Cool.”

“I got arrested by a cop one year for streaking.”

“Not cool.”

“I went to Tokyo Pride with my older brothers last year,” Yukio chimes in, smiling happily as she munches away at a sandwich. “What about you, Illyana?”

“Ah, not so much for me,” Illyana says, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “Russia… does not have as much for us.”

“It’s a good thing you’ve got Colossus here,” Kitty pipes up around a mouthful of pizza. “You can celebrate with us.”

Illyana favors the brunette with a small smile. “Da.”

“What about you, Cable?” Yukio asks, smiling sweetly. “Are there Pride celebrations in the future?”

“Not really,” Nathan replies. “We’re too busy trying to survive and win the war against Apocalypse to have parades.”

Kitty pinches the bridge of her nose. “Jesus Christ, you’re so depressing.”

Nathan smirks. “There’s not as much fuss about sexuality, either. Or polyamory. Love is love, and considering the people that you love might be gone in a moment, you have to make every second count.”

“At least you got that right,” Ellie mutters.

Wade elbows his boyfriend in the side. “C’mon, Cabesy. You have to admit—” he waves a hand grandly at the bright, colorful celebration all around you “—that this isn’t half bad.”

Nate’s smirk grows into a smile, and he concedes with a nod. “Not half bad at all.”

***

The lot of you spend the rest of the afternoon checking out the various stalls and vendor stands.

A lot of them are being run by corporate representatives. An… alarming number, really.

Nathan scowls when you pass by a booth being run by Comcast, of all things. “I thought this was supposed to be a celebration for the queer community.”

“It is,” Wade says. “At its core, it is.”

“The capitalist death machine knows no boundaries or sense of appropriateness,” Ellie says flatly.

“This is part of the problem, you know,” Nate growls, jerking his thumb at the Comcast booth. “Corporations keep sinking their claws into everything they can and milk it for all it’s worth. When they finally collapse, there isn’t anything left for the rest of humanity.”

“Okay, maybe save the depressing stuff for later?” Kitty pipes up.

“It’s okay.” Wade squeezes Nathan’s hand. “We can maim the Comcast CEO later this week if you want.”

“Nyet,” Piotr interjects. “Absolutely not.”

Wade waves a dismissive hand at your boyfriend. “Relax, Chrome Dome. I didn’t say you had to come along.”

“How about we save all conversations relating to bodily harm of others until we’re not within earshot of minors and a thousand or so witnesses,” you hiss before an actual disagreement can break out. “Capiche?”

***

Towards the end of your time at the festival, you all wind up stumbling across a photography group run by queer individuals. The banner over the table reads “Snapshot Studios” in crisp, jet black letters, and countless shots of people, animals, and nature shots are on display for everyone to see.

“Wow,” Kitty says, admiring a picture of a sunset over a lake. “This is seriously cool.”

“Thank you,” a young man with curly hair that’s been dyed blue says. He extends his hand and introduces himself as Aiden, one of the principle photographers for the studio. “We’re in the middle of doing a Pride-themed series, for obvious reasons. You can check it out on our website.” He hands out business cards to each of you. “If any of you are interested in participating, you can contact us at the email address on the card. There’s no fee involved; we just take your picture and ask you questions about your experience as a queer person.” He glances off to the side, where Wade’s staring intently at one of the pictures. “Hey, buddy. You like the look of something?”

You crane your neck to see which picture Wade’s looking at, and –oh. That’s a familiar face.

Wade gazes longingly at a picture of Vanessa, dressed up in a strappy black dress and winking at the camera. He lifts his hand, almost as though he wants to reach out and touch her face, then clearly thinks better of it and jams it in his sweatshirt pocket.

“That’s from our sex worker positivity collection,” Aiden says, still studying Wade carefully.

“I know,” Wade says, somewhat sadly. “That’s my ex-girlfriend.”

Aiden’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh. Uh… I take it things didn’t work out?”

Wade grimaces. “She died.”

“Shit. I’m sorry, man.” Aiden regards Wade thoughtfully for a moment, then reaches over and takes down Vanessa’s picture. “Here.” He holds the picture out to Wade. “Take it home with you. No charge.”

Wade blinks at him for a moment, shocked, then gently takes the photo out of Aiden’s hands. He gazes down at it for a moment, tracing Vanessa’s face lovingly, then reaches out for Nathan’s hand before looking back up at Aiden. “Thank you.”

Nate squeezes Wade’s hand gently, a soft smile on his face.

“No problem, man. Hey, if you don’t mind my asking, are you a burn victim?”

“Ah, no.” Wade shrugs one shoulder, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “Mutation side effect.”

“You’re a mutant?” Aiden’s eyebrows go up again.

“We all are,” you clarify, gesturing at your little group.

“Really? That’s super cool. I had no idea.”

“It’s not exactly something we show off,” Ellie pipes up. “There aren’t many mutations that alter physical appearance, either.”

“Makes sense,” Aiden says, nodding. “So, did you guys just happen to meet up with each other, or…”

“We work with Xavier’s Institute for Gifted Youngsters,” Piotr says, handing Aiden a business card of his own as he steps into the conversation for the first time.

Aiden grins as he eyes the card. “So, you’re X-Men. I thought you guys were on full-time hero duty.”

“They have a rotating schedule,” Wade interjects.

“We also have to take care of students,” Piotr says, eyeing Wade sternly. “Part of that is ensuring they connect to necessary communities.”

“That’s super dope, man. I know a lot of parents who wouldn’t do that.”

You have to drift away at that point to keep an eye on Kitty and Illyana, who’ve wandered down a few booths. By the time you get them to circle back to Piotr and the rest of the group, Piotr and Aiden seem to be wrapping up what seems like an intense discussion.

You eye your boyfriend quizzically as you all head back to the car. “What was that all about?”

Piotr smiles as he tucks Aiden’s business card into his wallet. “Networking.”

***

It takes a couple weeks, but you eventually figure out what “networking” means.

As chance would have it, Aiden and his coworkers are extremely interested in including mutants in this year’s Pride-themed photography series. It takes a little finagling to get some of the waivers worked out for the underage students who want to participate, and then it takes even more finagling to get a date and mutant safe location worked out, but eventually everything smooths out.

They wind up setting up in one of the training rooms first –to get the shots that require powers like Ellie’s or Russell’s, which means that the training rooms are the safest place to set up—then move out to the grounds behind the manor for the rest of the shoot.

Ellie’s aunt, Brie Phimister –who’s a spitting image of Ellie, just with wavy hair and a slightly longer face—shows up for the second part of the shoot, decked out in her Pride gear.

“So, you’re a mutant, too?” one of Aiden’s coworkers –CJ, you think—asks while Aiden gets shots of Ellie, Brie, and Yukio together.

“Yup,” you confirm, popping the ‘p.’ “I can control air –which basically means I can fly plus some fun stuff.”

“That’s super rad,” probably CJ says with a lax grin. “Hey –Aiden! She can fly!”

“No way.” Aiden grins back at you once he finishes taking his latest set of shots. “Stick around until the end. I’d like to get some shots of that, if that’s cool with you.”

You grin back. “Sure thing.”

***

It’s late evening by the time everything wraps up.

Kitty mugs for the camera like she’s born for it, and almost seems a little put out by being told to head inside.

The highlight of the whole thing, though (in your opinion), are the shots CJ manages to get of Nathan and Wade.

Wade, unsurprisingly, seemed a bit nervous about having his picture taken. He’d been stiff, barely smiling or looking at the camera—

And then Nathan had looped an arm around his boyfriend’s neck and pressed a fat kiss against Wade’s cheek.

The smile that had broken out across Wade’s face was nothing short of wonderful.

The other highlight of the day is when Piotr comes out as things wrap up, armored up and in his X-Men uniform.

Aiden gawks, eyes wide and mouth hanging open as Piotr strolls towards everyone. “Holy fucking shit!”

“Language, please,” Piotr says with a polite gesture towards Ellie and Yukio. “Young ones are present.”

Aiden blinks, clearly thrown, but recovers quickly enough. “I’ve never seen anyone like you, dude. You look seriously cool.”

“That’s what I said when I first met him,” you comment, grinning widely at your boyfriend.

“Understandable.” Aiden looks over at you. “And you can fly?”

You summon an air current by way of answering and lift yourself a few feet off the ground, twirling and somersaulting slowly as you drift towards the sky.

“Okay, can you do that again?” Aiden asks as he gets his camera ready. “Except over here –yeah, perfect. Okay, go! Alright, look at me and smile –eh, a little more teeth… perfect…”

You do as you’re told, grinning and twirling in the air while Aiden gets the shots he wants. “How do I look, babe?” you ask Piotr with a giggle.

He smiles fondly at you. “Very beautiful, myshka.”

“You two are together?” Aiden asks.

“Yup!” You smile brightly –and Aiden snaps another quick picture. “Have been for a while now.”

“We could get some really good pictures of them,” another coworker with bright purple hair –you think her name is Violet, which would make sense—points out. “The contrast of their mutations would make for great thematic storytelling, visually speaking.”

Aiden hums thoughtfully, finger tapping against his camera while he considers the idea. “It really would. Are you two okay with that?”

“I’m down.” You look to Piotr. “Is that okay with you?”

He shrugs and moves to stand next to you. “Konechno.”

You use your mutation to plop yourself down on his shoulders and brace yourself against his head. “How’s this?”

“Not bad,” Aiden says, getting his camera ready once more. “Lean to the side and forward a little more –yeah, keep your hair away from your face, good. Okay, now you put your hands on her legs or something, like you’re helping her balance… perfect. Okay, neither of you move for a minute.” He snaps a few pictures, then chuckles. “Dude, you are too tall for some of this. Is there a stool I can use?”

“I’ll get one,” Ellie says before trotting off to the house.

***

You spend the next hour posing with and without Piotr in various positions, from sitting on his shoulders, to him holding you in his arms, to you flying above him and him smiling up at you.

Aiden jumps on and off the stool Ellie fetched for him, lays down on the ground, and does just about every conceivable thing to get the shots he wants. When the light gets too dim, he and his coworkers break out their lighting rigs and keep going.

“Y’all are seriously dedicated to this,” you comment at one point, genuinely impressed.

“You can’t have a life’s passion without actually being passionate,” Violet says with a smile.

After a while, Aiden breaks out a tripod and a camera specifically designed for slow motion and has Piotr go in and out of defense mode a few times.

“Wow,” you breathe when Aiden shows you a shot where Piotr’s face is slowly morphing into his armor. “That’s amazing.”

“No kidding,” Aiden agrees. “I think this will go on the front of the mutant spread we talked about.”

You furrow your brow, confused. “Am I missing something?”

“Back at the vendor booth,” Aiden explains. “We talked about including mutants in our Pride themed collection, but we also discussed releasing a series that focused solely on mutants once Pride month was over.” He gestures to the screen, where Piotr’s face is still visible. “This is a gorgeous shot. I wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

Piotr checks the shot when Aiden holds the camera out for him to see, then shrugs somewhat sheepishly. “If you think it works.”

“I do. Okay, I’ve got one last concept I want to do, if you guys are willing.”

“What’re you thinking?” you ask.

“I was thinking we could have your man get into his armor, and then pick you up and give you a kiss, and then un-armor while he’s kissing you.” He looks between you and Piotr. “Does that sound like something you’d both be comfortable with?”

You nod before looking over at Piotr. “Babe?”

He shrugs again. “I have no problems.”

“Awesome.” Aiden has Piotr armor up and lift you into his arms, then tests a few spots before getting back on the stool. “Alright, kiss her in three, two, one…”

You close your eyes as Piotr’s lips press –gently—against yours and loop your arms around his neck.

It’s a little weird, holding the kiss while he transitions out of defense mode, but he holds you steady, adjusting his grip as he goes so you don’t so much as wobble. Once he’s fully de-armored, he sets you carefully on the ground and moves his hands from your back to your face, cupping your head in his hands.

Aiden snaps a few more pictures, then hops off the stool and claps his hands. “Perfect.”

You grin as he shows you the screen, cycling through the series of pictures. “Damn. We look good.”

Piotr points at the picture where he’s full armored down and cupping your face in his hands. “I like this one best.”

You lean against his side, grinning. “Me too.”

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 212

Two days later

Alex

I gasped sitting up in the bed. Aye shit. I totally forgot to fucking talk to Cammie's ass days ago. Damn. I'm slipping on my game. As I'm getting out of bed I feel resistance. I turn around looking behind me. The cover was wrapped around my waist because I took my feet out first. Jamaal's stupid ass was holding the cover around my waist preventing me from getting all the way out of bed.

"You wake up in the middle of the night and grab your phone? You going to make a phone call? Or you suddenly have to urge to shit?"

"Oh my gosh." I slap his hand off of the cover and get up. "You got fucking problems."

He doesn't change his demeanor. "You think I'm playing?"

"Boy, chill the fuck out." I say sitting on the bed. "I can't believe you fucking serious."

"Hello?"

I slap Jamaal's hand away from me. "Hey, Boo. I forgot to fucking talk to you days ago."

"You better be glad my baby don't know we changed time zones."

"Good you were woke. So the other day I heard some shit. I meant to let you know."

She sighs. "I'm going through some shit right now. I don't want to hear no shit about Trey. Warning."

I chuckle. "Well good then bae, cause this shit about you."

"Say what?"

"Yeah, this blog page was started about you and August Alsina. It's pretty petty but anyway. It's like a if you see these two together let us know type shit. They got people talking about how they used to see yall partying together and now there's this song."

She sucks her teeth. "That's why that bitch took it upon himself to fucking tell me about a fucking song? Oh my gosh. I'm..."

The baby starts crying really loud. I couldn't hear shit she was saying anymore. It sounded like she was still talking. I wait for the baby to stop crying. When he does it gets completely quiet. She must not have been talking to me.

"I'm about to call this motherfucker right now."

"Who?"

She sucks her teeth. "Can you get Caden?"

I think it's April. "You know I've been waiting."

"August."

"Why you calling August?"

"Cause he needs to fix this shit. No wonder Trey acting all salty and shit."

I suck my teeth. "You can't leave a nosey ass bitch in the dark. I wanna hear this conversation."

She doesn't say anything for a few seconds.

"Damn, Bae, do you know what time it is?" August grunts.

"Oh shit." I whisper turning to Jamaal. I put the phone on speaker.

Cammie was livid. "Why the fuck do I care? Where are you?"

"Umm... in my fucking house. Do I supposed to be somewhere else? Why you calling me all mad and shit?"

"Cause your bullshit got people thinking I'm having a fucking affair with your ass."

He exhales. "Yeah, I know."

"Fuck you August." She spats.

"I ain't did the shit on purpose, Love. I told you the other day I'm better than that. I'm not gonna ruin your shit cause you don't want to be with me."

"Well fucking prove it then."

He clears his throat. "How? How can I make you happy?"

I look at Jamaal. Oh shit. This nigga acting like he in love with her ass. What the hell? Maybe they did once have something but clearly they don't have shit now. Cammie wasn't having it. I nod my head. That's it cousin. Work your fucking magic.

"Trey is in Miami."

"You want me to fucking go to Miami? He not even in Miami. He is in LA."

"What?"

August sighs. "I'll go talk to him."

"He is in LA?"

"He was flying to LA... hold on." We wait very impatiently for a few seconds. "Oh my bad. He in Atlanta. Aight."

Cammie doesn't say nothing. "Whatever. I stopped caring where he was a few seconds ago. You know where the fuck he at."

"Aight, Cammie."

"Hang up." She snaps.

The line goes silent. "Thanks for calling me."

"Bae, you already know I will. I hate I didn't call earlier. So Trey bouncing around the country and y'all not talking?"

"I can't fucking believe it's over some simple shit like this. A fucking song about me turning him down. There's no fucking way."

I frown. "You turning him down? Not the one about the girl having a side dude?"

She laughs. "Come on. If I fucking cheat on Trey it would not be with someone who couldn't keep their mouth to themselves. That's the problem now. Niggas like that would make me their fucking trophy. I hit it too. Hell no. If this fucking marriage don't work I'm dating far out of the celebrity circle. Fuck that. Cheat on him with a damn social worker or brick Mason."

"You so stupid."

"Here get your baby." April snaps.

Cammie laughs. "He not even crying."

"Cause I said fine here go Mommy. Smart little ass stopped crying and turned his head around the room."

"Awh, little guy."

"I'm going to go." I say.

She sighs. "Alright. I'll let your nosey ass know what happens."

"Thank you, Boo."

"Ain't that some bullshit?" Jamaal retorts. "About to ruin a marriage for what?"

"Ego." I say pushing him away from me.

 A few hours later

Trey

I peek out into the hall. It's fucking August. That's the last fucking person I want to fucking talk to right now. He holds up a bag to the peephole. I chuckle. Winning me over with food? He must have took my fucking order from the delivery guy. I open the door.

"I knew you would open it for your fucking food." He says walking in.

"Trey!" Fabuolous says walking in with him.

Smart man brought fucking backup. I dap Fab up.

"Fuck yall doing here?"

"Ran into my man, Aug. He said he was coming to holla at you. Figured I would intrude as well. Heard you punched oh boy." Fab says making himself comfortable on the couch.

August puts the food down then looks from me to Fab. "Who?"

"Brown." Fab says looking in the bag.

"Bruh." I snap snatching the bag.

August sits down. "Shit, I need to start talking to niggas more. What the fuck for?"

Fab chuckles. "Cause he pissy ass petty Trey."

"Fuck you." I say.

"Well, aye, I wanted to clear these fucking rumors and shit. Figured it was time to put an end to the bullshit."

Fab turns to him. "Rumors?"

Fucking rumors. Nigga who the fuck sent you here? Ain't no fucking way you gonna come to my fucking hotel room to talk about shit that has been going on for weeks. You could have fucking came to me days ago bitch. Fuck him. I'm back to acting like this shit don't fucking faze me. I shrug one shoulder.

"I'm in a shitty mood. Entertain me." I say.

"Yeah, some superfan want to paint a picture that me and Cammie had a relationship. Still got one. I don't see how a song about getting rejected means we fucking."

Fab looks at me then August. "Trey Cammie?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck out of here bruh." Fab shrugs. "Ain't even no point bringing shit like that up. Nigga ain't bout to believe in no fucking rumors like that."

"Exactly." I say.

August shrugs. "I just wanted to make sure ain't no shit between us. I wouldn't break your family up like that bruh. Not over no damn rumor either."

I guess we all just shrugging it off. I shrug again. "Yeah. So how the fuck you knew where I was?"

"Forrest."

"Aye, where my nigga at? He here?"

I shake my head. "I don't fucking know."

Fab stares at me. Nigga probably reading right through my bullshit. "So what got you on the wrong side of the bed?"

"Shit really."

"Aye, since you depressed let me get that food." August says reaching.

I pull the bag back. "For real though. My son losing weight and they don't know why. I'm not there. Don't really want to go deal with it. You know just don't want to hear bad news."

Fab nods. "Damn, Caden?"

"Hell yeah."

"Well you don't need my shit." August says standing up. "I'm out. I got to head to fucking Cali."

"LA?" Fab asks.

August shakes his head. "Naw, fucking Sacramento."

Fab nods. "I got to fucking be in Vegas tomorrow. I'm fucking stalling."

"Vegas sounds fun." I say.

"Aye, let's go then bruh." Fab says reaching across the table. "Old times sake."

"Fuck yeah." I say dapping him up.

 Chris

I look at the phone before answering. Didn't fucking want to answer the shit for Trey. It's Cammie though. I answer it. Haven't talked to her in a few days.

"You." I say.

"Why did you and Trey fight?" She asks.

I roll my eyes. "If I knew you called to talk about that bitch I wouldn't have answered."

"Y'all are on some other shit."

"Aye, that's your man."

She sucks her teeth. "It's you too. I'm just worried about him Chris. You aren't? It seems like he is falling out with everyone one by one. April, Forrest, fucking Buggzi."

"What he do to Buggzi?"

"Doesn't want him around. Spazzed out on him."

"So what do you want me to do? I feel like you want me to do some shit."

She exhales. "Christopher, I want someone else to fucking worrying about my fucking husband's mental wellbeing right now. He pushed me and everybody else away. He not calling to check on his kids. You know that's not him Chris. I would go pop up in whatever city he in but I'm trying to figure out why my child is losing weight."

I sigh. Damn. "Yeah, I heard about that."

"Chris, I need you to care for me. Would you do that?"

I tilt my head to the side. This fucking shit fucking gets to me man. Once again I have to go to this nigga and pet his ass up. I hate this bullshit. This bitch fucking hit me for talking shit that I always talk. But I have to think about his kids.

"I can try."

"I think that he is going to Vegas with Fab."

I look at the time. "And how you know this?"

"I'm a woman. My fucking detective skills. He posted a picture... Fab posted a picture. He was in the bathroom of the hotel that Trey likes to stay in when he's in Chicago alone. Predictable. Don’t know why they in Chicago. Anyway then Fab was tagged in a party flyer that Trey liked. Club in Vegas tomorrow night."

"Damn, woman."

She chuckles. "Anyway, Chris. Thank you."

I inhale. "Yeah. How you know I don't got shit to do?"

"My mistress already let me know." She chuckles. "Thank you, bye."

"Yeah."

I go to Fab's Instagram. Sure enough everything she said was there. I look at the flyer. It said that it was a two day event. I'll go on the fucking second day. I don't feel like dealing with Trey's shit right now.

[bi-bi-richie]

buddy holly-weezer, stanverly, getting into a street fight

I’m so sorry this is so long!! I really didn’t mean to go off on Stan’s sexuality but he’s such an interesting character to explore! But thank you for the prompt I had a lot of fun writing it!

Playlist, prompt list, send me an ask!

Derry isn’t exactly well known for good places to eat, but they do have the Tozier Diner. Now, part of the reason any of the losers go there is that Richie’s parents own the place, the other reason is the complete judgment-free safe zone the whole diner is. Every loser has taken their dates there, starting with Bill and Mike, going to Richie and Eddie, Bill, Mike, and Ben.

Richie once told the losers that the diner is the trick to making relationships last forever, now it hasn’t been proven since every couple is still living their relationship, but Richie is engaged to Eddie now so who knows?

With Richie’s, possibly true, proclamation, it was a big step to take your date with you to the diner. So, naturally, Stan is nervous as fuck as he walks towards the door hand in hand with Beverly.

His relationship with Bev, in short, was the least expected out of all the losers. Everyone knows that Bill had a thing for her a few years back, but then Mike stole his heart. Ben was crushing big time on her at the same time, but both Bill and Mike ended up getting all the boy’s love. So, when Stan had a crush on her, everyone expected the same outcome. He wasn’t exactly sure why he liked Bev, he always told himself it was just because she was pretty. After all, that’s what Bill and Ben thought, right? Well, his feelings ran way further than looks.

He would watch her jump off the cliff at the quarry, admiring her fearless, thoughtless action every time she went over. He watched her challenge Richie to a game of wits every time he opened his trash mouth, he admired how she beat him time and time again. She could take care of herself, and Stan didn’t dare get in her way when she was mad. Once again, he admired it, she had guts he feared he’d never muster up.

He thought the crush would pass, honestly, he thought he was being ridiculous. Not to mention his sexuality was all over the floor like a bunch of papers spilled from his homework binder. He had just gotten over his crush on Mike! He was gay right? But now he’s here admiring Bev.

Crushing be damned, he thought, I don’t need this shit. Of course, crushing is like a virus. Once it’s there, it’s hard to remove. So every day for a year he walked around with Bev in the back of his head as well as his nagging sexuality questions.

Eventually, he cracked.

He went to Richie, not the best option but he wasn’t Mike, who he used to like, he wasn’t Ben or Bill, who used to like Bev as well, he wasn’t Eddie, who was probably the gayest kid in Derry, and he wasn’t Bev. He went to Richie because he had multiple not-so-secret crushes on tons of girls, but in the end, he started dating Eddie.

“You want… my help?” Richie asked, mid-bite on his sandwich. They were alone at the quarry waiting for the rest of the losers to arrive, but Stan had asked Richie to show up an hour earlier in advance, he also promised a sandwich.

“Don’t act surprised, it makes this worse.” Stan mumbles. He isn’t ashamed of asking Richie for help, he knows the boy is smart as hell, there’s no doubt about that. It’s just that Stan is usually the person to shut Richie’s stupid jokes down before they can go too far.

“Don’t be embarrassed Staniel!” Richie exclaimed as he threw an arm around Stan. “You know I like helping people! I’d love to play therapist!”

“Richie, please. This is seriously embarrassing for me.”

“Formal as always.” Richie sighed, he tucked his arm back to his side and plopped himself down onto a log. “I’m all ears.”

Stan looked down at the dirt. Nerves welled up in his stomach like a swarm of bees. If he was to go any further with this conversation, he would finally find an answer, even if the answer wasn’t something he’s ready for.

“I like Bev… but I know I like boys.”

Naturally, there was an emotional conversation that followed. In the end, though, Stan learned that he was bisexual, which is Richie’s sexuality as well.

“I guess the only thing left now is either getting over or getting under Bev, eh?” that earned Richie a slap to the head.

But he was right. Either Stan would have to spend another year trying to get over her, or he can man up and just ask her out. But, there’s no way Bev could ever like him.

…

Bev rolled her eyes when Stan told her that he was scared she wouldn’t like him. How blind could this guy really be? Somehow he didn’t notice her longing stares in classes they had together, or lasting touches to his skin when they went swimming.

“Honestly Stan, why else would I reject both Bill and Ben? They’re great guys and awesome friends, but I always had my eyes on someone else.”

“I always thought it was because you just didn’t like them… maybe you didn’t like guys at all…”

“Funny enough, I swing both ways.”

Following Stan’s confession, they did end up going on a date to the Aladdin. One date turned into another, then that turned into another, and another, and another.

Fast forward three years and you’ve got a nervous Stan standing outside the Tozier Diner hand in hand with Beverly. Now, Stan never takes what Richie says seriously, after all, there’s no real proof that the diner can ensure a lasting relationship. But, as mentioned before, Richie and Eddie are engaged, so who knows?

“Y’know everything Richie says is bullshit, right?” Bev whispers. She comfortingly squeezes his hand. Stan looks into her eyes and smiles.

“It’s okay, I think I’d be okay if he wasn’t wrong about this.”

Bev smiles at him with her eyes full of love. He’s seen that look so many times in the past three years but it never fails to make his heartthrob. Stan wonders if she feels the same when he watches her, does she understand how he feels for her?  

Then they walk in.

…

Needless to say, the dinner was pretty fun. Richie took on the role of being their waiter for the night, and he took it very seriously.

“Can I take your order, strangers I’ve never met before?”

“Richie, it’s us.”

“Ah! Read the name tag, did you? Two can play at that game. You look like a Lisa, and you look like an Arthur!”

“I expect nothing, yet I’m still let down.”

Surprisingly enough, Richie paid for half their food. He paid for Stan’s meal, claiming that it should be Stan who pays for Bev because it’s classy. But little did Richie know that Bev already planned to pay for her own meal as part of a mutual agreement the two of them have.

When they go to leave the diner, Richie grabs both of their arms with a warm smile. He pulls Bev into a hug and presses a kiss against her cheek.

“Take care of him, Okay?” He whispers. Bev nods.Then he leans over and does the same to Stan.

“Cherish her, promise?”

“Promise.”

…

Stan feels light as air as he walks out of the diner. He’s in the same position that he was in two hours ago, but now he feels better. More in love than ever before. He looks over at Bev and looks into her eyes. He can see the love that shines behind them clearer than ever, something beautifully comforting about the way she watches him.

He forgets the backlash of their relationship. How people used to tell him that Bev was only using him for sex. He lets go of how angry it made him when people assumed he was only with Bev to hit it and quit it. All of that seems so far away because right now, all he can see is her. All he wants his her eyes on him forever, and in return, he’ll never look away from them.

Who knew the fiery girl inside could be my only warmth?

“Beverly?” He whispers as he gets slowly closer to her face.

“Stan?” She responds leaning into him.

“I love you.” He can feel her warm breath huff out of her mouth in a small chuckle.

“I love you too-”

“When are you gonna give it up!?” A strange voice calls from across the street.

The couple breaks apart immediately in shock. It’s not the first time someone has rudely interrupted them before, but the voice is certainly alarming. Stan strains his eyes trying to identify the figure in the dark. It’s not hard to recognize the voice though. Everyone knows that signature, disgusting voice.

It’s Henry Bowers, and he’s slowly walking up to them.

Stan immediately puts himself in between the approaching man and his girlfriend. Of course, Stan knows Bev can hold her own, in fact, the only reason he’s doing this is so she doesn’t go getting herself hurt in three seconds. But, this does only give Bowers bait.

“Oh, I see, too afraid to let the slut see the other options in town huh?” Henry sneers.

“Still hung up on a little someone you couldn’t get, Bowers?” Bev spits at him, and then literally spits at his feet. Henry whistles low.

“Feisty, but all cheap whores are, aren’t they? It’s one thing that makes them all the fucking same.”

“How would you know?” Stan retorts at the taller man. “Even a prostitute would turn you down, no matter how much money you give them.”

Henry doesn’t even spare a glance to Stan, his eyes are locked on the girl behind him who looks ready to jump the first chance she gets.

“Ah, I see. How much money is he paying to keep your piece of ass around, huh?”

“Say it again motherfucker.” Bev threatens.

“Or what? You won’t fuck me when this is said and done?”

Then there’s a loud smack. Skin on skin, sure to bruise, bone to bone, smack. But it’s not a smack, it’s a punch. Someone threw a punch, and it wasn’t Bev. It was Stan. Stan had Henry on the ground, cradling his jaw and looking up in confusion. But his confusion quickly turned to pure, red rage.

“You’re gonna regret that.”

And with that, he stands back up and starts throwing punches at Stan. The thing about this fight is the people involved. Stan is a few inches smaller than Henry, he’s also not as broad or built. In short, Stan isn’t as physically put together as Henry is, this fight is like suicide to the poor boy.

It feels like hell when it really starts going. Stan can hold his own, kicking Henry in the gut or groin, but Henry still gets back up and keeps going. Henry inflicts more damage on Stan though, his punches are harder and he’s quicker. In short, this fight is over for Stan.

But it’s just beginning for Bev. She leans in and grabs Henry’s hair, yanking his head back as hard as she can. He shouts in pain but his mouth is quickly shut by Bev’s knee colliding with it. He drops onto the floor in pain, for good measure, Bev stomps on his stomach once. When he doesn’t get up she grabs Stan’s hand and pulls him up from the floor. He’s leaking blood from his nose and cuts on his cheeks and lips. His eye is already starting to swell, making it a bit harder for him to see clearly.

“Oh, Stan.” She sighs quietly. “Come on babe, gotta clean you up.”

…

When the swell of Stan’s eye goes down he can clearly see that he’s laying in Bev’s bed. She carried him home it seems. He notices how bad his face really hurts, once fiery cuts and bruises have dulled down into a fierce aching pain. He can’t see Bev though, but her bathroom door is open and light is leaking out of it. As if on queue, she walks out with a couple of cotton balls and hydrogen peroxide.

“You know, you really are a dumbass, babe.” She remarks as she makes her way over to Stan.

“Thanks. Is that for me?” He asks pointing at the bottle in her hands.

“I’m applying it to you, okay? You won’t do it right without a mirror.”

“I can stand up and walk.” He grumbles.

“Oh please, you couldn’t even stand up to get here.” The bed dips with Bev’s weight as she crawls on next to her boyfriend. Stan sighs, of course on the one night he wanted to be romantic, he’s gotta go and get into a fight. He never fights. Why now?

“Stan. I love you babe, but why would you run off and fight Henry like that? You know I can hold my own.” Her gentle hands are running a soaked cotton ball across his injuries, but Stan knows she can easily add a new cut if she wanted too. Of course, he knew Bev could fight for herself, but he couldn’t stand by and just let her get catcalled like that.

“I know. But I’m not gonna stay silent about it. You know I’m yours, and I know you’re mine.”

“Well, you got that right.” Bev hums in agreement. When she’s done, she leans down to press a soft kiss against his lips.

“I love you, hero.”

“I love you too.”

[officialspiderboy]

Split Lip (Peter Parker x Reader)

A/N: Heyyyyy I’m posting after disappearing for some time!! I’m not sure what this is exactly and there’s not really a plot line and the ending sucks but hey! It’s something that I hope you enjoy! ALSO PLEASE TALK TO ME I DON'T BITE AND I WANNA BE FRIENDS

Warnings: If you’ve read my fics you know it’s pretty much always swearing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (also this isn’t edited)

Request: No **Literally request things pls I don’t have ideas thx

Summary: Reader is mad at Peter but then can’t remember why because of his damn cute face.

Word Count: 1.8K

Masterlist | Mobile Masterlist

“I’m gonna murder him,” you growled, rage seeping through your words as you stomped up to his apartment.

You yanked open the door with your spare key and slammed the door shut behind you.

“Peter Benjamin fucking Park- oh hey May,” you greeted. She just raised her eyebrows slightly at you and nodded her head in the direction of Peter’s room.

“Thanks,” you mumbled, walking over to the all too familiar door.

“Don’t kill him,” May called behind you nonchalantly.

“I'll try my best,” you said loud enough so she could hear. You violently knocked on the door and didn't wait for a reply when you pushed the door open harshly so that it hit the wall with a bang. You jumped at the loud noise and checked to make sure you didn't break the door or something before remembering why you were here. You turned to Peter, his eyes wide with fear.

His stupid big brown chocolate eyes, and his stupid soft curly mess of hair, and his stupid freckles, and his stupid button nose, and god his stupid fucking kissable li- which were covered by his hands in a very awkward position?

You took a deep breath before remembering why you were here in the first place. Your anger replacing the adoration you felt momentarily, although less intense than before.

“Peter Benjamin fucking Parker, how dare you??” His eyes filled with confusion at your outburst.

“You ditched me you asswipe, you promised that you would help me with dinner last night! You better have a damn good explanation,” you huffed, crossing your arms and plopping down on the bed next to Peter.

“Sorry Y/N, something came up,” Peter sighed, his voice sincere and caring. You looked up at him ready to lecture him some more before you actually caught sight of him.

“What the fuck happened to your face??” Panic bubbled inside you as you gently grabbed his head in your hands and pulled him towards you to inspect the injuries. You barely got a good look at the deep cut that ran from the top of his ear down to his chin before he pulled away.

“Ow, jeez I’m fine,” he laughed, pushing some hair out of his face. You rolled your eyes at him and got up and walked out of the room, mumbling a quiet “yeah right” on your way out. You made your way around the small apartment and grabbed some bandages and some small soft towels you could use to clean up the cuts.

Peter had followed you out, his hood up again so May wouldn't see his face. He followed you and you shot a glare at him while dumping some things in his hands to take to his room.

To say that your family was close to the Parkers would be an understatement. And since Peter moved in after the horrible incident with his parents, you two instantly became close. He was understandably distant at first but you were stubborn and needed a friend so he was stuck with you, and you were both inseparable ever since.

“I really am sorry for not giving you a heads up about last night,” Peter apologized, you shook your head and pointed at his bed.

“It's fine. Sit,” you ordered. He obliged as you sat in front of him, dampening a towel and bringing it up to his face. He winced when you the towel touched his skin and moved away from your hand.

“No, it's not. I know how badly your extended family treats you and you needed me there to get them off your ass. You needed me and I wasn't there for you like you always are for me,” he admitted. A pout adorning his split lip.

You didn't know how Peter kept getting injured so badly. You had your suspicions about his after school activities, but it was also so outrageous that you wouldn't put faith in that being the truth unless you heard it from his own lips.

You sighed and gently held his face still so you could clean up the dried blood stuck to his face. Your heartbeat quickened in pace and was pounding in your ears at the closeness between you two. You tried to ignore it as you always do and concentrate on the task at hand. But when Peter looked at you through his lashes with those goddamn gorgeous eyes, your heart skipped a beat and it took everything in your power to keep your hands from visibly shaking. He was so close you could feel him in every inch of your body. He completely clouded your thoughts. You could count every freckle that adorned his face, you could examine every wince or glint of any emotion flash through his eyes. You could feel the heat from his body seeping through to mix with yours, you could smell the faint remains of the chocolate that he ate earlier that day from his breath. You were completely inundated with the warmth and comfort that was Peter.

You hadn't even realized your hand stopped moving when you flinched at the sudden feeling of his skin barely grazing yours. His hand was gently near your face, brushing a stray hair back to its original position. He let his hand linger there, hesitantly resting it against your cheek. You leaned into his feather light touch, wanting to feel more of him and the feeling that only Peter could give you.

“Y/N I'm sorry,” you were surprised you even heard him with how quietly he was speaking. His thumb brushed across your cheek capturing a tear that unknowingly escaped.

“I'm sorry for ditching you, and I'm even more sorry for putting you through this,” he gestured to his own beaten face, “Yet you stick by me day after day and don't even hesitate to help me. I'm sorry I haven't treated you the way you deserve.”

You took in a shaky breath and held onto his hand that was still resting on your cheek.

“Peter,” you breathed, the intimacy of the moment preventing your voice from coming out above a whisper.

“I- I know that whatever it is that you aren't telling me, you aren't telling me for good reason,” you paused looking away to gather your thoughts before you got drowned in Peter forever. “I also know that you'll tell me when you're ready... hopefully” you dropped your voice to an impossibly low level for the last word, looking into Peter's eyes wanting to lose yourself in them on purpose.

“I love you.”

Your heart stopped. Your body stiffened and felt numb all over. Why the everloving fuck did you just say that? You weren't thinking and the warmth you felt suddenly dissipated, quickly leaving you cold and anxious.

“Shit,” you deadpanned, getting up and moving away from Peter, who still sat in shock over your words.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” you repeated, the silent whispers between you two forgotten and now drowned out by your panicked breaths.

“Pete-Peter, oh god I'm so sorry, forget I said anything motherfucking shitballs I'm so stupid,” curses were flying out of your mouth at rapid speed while you started pacing around his room. You refused to look at Peter, who didn't seem to have moved since you confessed your feelings moments before.

“Good one Y/N, you ruined your friendship with your best friend because you decided to accidentally confess your undying love good job,” you sarcastically mumbled to yourself. You dared to glance at Peter, whose eyes were widened in surprise as a ghost of a smile adorned his lips.

You couldn't stand rejection and his teasing at the same time. You pinched the bridge of your nose in between your fingers and sighed. Quickly excusing yourself, you turned around to head out of the apartment when you felt his hand graze yours.

“Wait,” Peter croaked, quickly clearing his throats and he gently tugged your hand to pull you back towards him.

“I have to tell you something,” he said seriously, pulling you closer towards him. You started psyching yourself out and tried to find ways to quickly escape so you didn't have to deal with whatever he wanted to say, worried that it would only end in your heartbreak.

“Wait Peter, your cut started bleeding again let me go get some-” you started to pull away and tried to open the door when it suddenly slammed shut and was stuck.

“What the f-” you looked up and saw webbing. Immediately catching on, you jerked your head back towards Peter in shock.

“Peter-”

“Nope,” he cut you off, “you aren't changing the subject this time.”

“But you're Spi-”

“Hopelessly in love with you? Yes.”

Your mind was racing a hundred miles a second. On one hand your best friend just revealed that he was, in fact, the masked hero of Queens, confirming your previous suspicions. On the other hand, the boy you were completely enamoured with said he felt the same way about you. You didn't even have enough time to realize the heat that now spread through your body as Peter came close to you, his hand cupping your face gently as the other held yours. He leaned in slowly, leaving a space to see if you stopped him, his breath fanning across your face, making your entire body shiver. You closed the gap between your lips and allowed yourself to be engulfed by everything Peter. Your lips danced together as you pulled him impossibly closer to you.

He tried to kiss you harder for a second before he pulled away abruptly with a wince. You reached up and gently brushed your finger on his split lip, almost forgetting about the injury.

“Sorry,” you chuckled, grinning widely looking at him.

He shook his head at you, leaning into your touch and sighing.

“My fault, I've been wanting to kiss you for a long time, I forgot I had it,” he blushed. Your cheeks heated up to match his and you leaned in to ghost your lips over his in a peck, to avoid hurting him more.

You were reliving the moments before your kiss, and thanked yourself for being stupid enough for accidentally admitting your love to him.

“Fucking hell, you're Spider-Man,” you remembered, glancing over at the web that still stuck to the door, “I’m in love with Spiderman.”

Peter pulled you closer to him, snuggling his head into the crook of your neck, letting out a contented sigh as he held you.

“And I’m in love with the most beautiful person I know.” Your face heated up at his words and your heart soared.

“Wait- you little shit I’m supposed to be mad at you right now! I came here to yell at you for-“

“Shh love.”

[nottswitch]

When Clocks Strike

The first imagine for my New Year Celebration comes our way! It also happens to be my first one for Logan (so I'm kinda nervous about it). I had an idea of New Year proposal in my head and decided to combine it with one of the requests. Thanks to the anon, who sent this request for Logan with the following prompts:

16. "I'm stuck on you and there's no way you're getting rid of me any time soon."

37. "It seems to me that you like causing troubles."

I hope you will enjoy what's written below. And Happy New Year, guys!

It was just the right time to do it, Logan thought, looking at a red velvet little box in his hand. The best opportunity that couldn't have been missed. Logan has been thinking through every step of what he was about to do for the last two weeks. He needed to make sure everything will go perfect, that his plan wouldn't have any flaws. He actually found it quite stressful, getting ready, but you were definitely worth it.

Logan had never thought in his life that he will actually say this, but he was going to propose to you. Since the moment he met you a year and a half ago, he kinda knew it was coming. You were too good to be true — Logan had to admit it, reluctantly at first, but had to. Before you he never had a serious relationship and didn't plan to have one. And now he was sitting in his office, looking at the beautiful diamond ring that was soon to be shining on your finger — if you will say 'yes', of course.

Not that Logan doubted your agreement on his proposal, he knew you loved him, and a million times he proved to you that he wasn't that careless and borderline sex-addicted man you met more than a year before. But still he was nervous. This step in your relationship seemed very hard to reach, it was important and lifechanging, and deep down in his soul Logan was hesitating throughtout the whole period of preparing. What if you think he's too quick? What of you think he's not serious? These rather unpleasant thoughts ate Logan from the inside while he was sitting in a chair in his office and looking through the window on a snow-covered city.

This year winter hit everyone in the face right after Christmas. No signs of snow on the 25th of December — and in the morning of the 26th you woke up to see nothing but white surface of snow outside. Every day since then it has been snowing like crazy. Today, on New Year's Eve, weather blessed you with even more snow — huge snowflakes have been flying in the air since early in the morning and you were more than happy to walk through this white and cold madness. Your mood today was on the highest level, as your favourite holiday was coming, today's evening there was a huge party connected with it and Logan and you were to attend it.

Now you were walking along the busy streets to meet your friend, Maddie, and go for a shopping. You needed to buy a dress for today's evening. Until yesterday you were totally sure you had one, but as it turned out, your wardrobe didn't contain anything suitable enough for a festive banquet. You immidiately called your best friend and she, of course, agreed to help you.

Your phone called. You smiled at the sight of Logan's face on the display.

"How's my little doll doing?" you heard his voice on the other side of the line as you took the call.

"Will you ever stop with those pet names?" you asked and heard Logan chuckling. "I'm just great. How about one very annoying but still loved motherfucker?"

"He's doing fantastic, but can we just appreciate your first curse word of the year?" Logan's grin could've been heard even through the phone. "I'm impressed, Y/N, honestly."

"And it's most probably the last one of the year too, so don't celebrate it too much!" you replied. "There are simply no more words to describe you other than... that one I previously said."

Logan merely laughed in response.

"You could try lovely, handsome... Smart also works."

"A lovely, smart, undoubtedly handsome motherfucker, is that alright?"

"See! The second curse word from you, honey!"

"You made me!" you protested, probably too loud as some people turned their heads to see who's screaming.

"And I'm kinda proud of myself for that, to be honest."

"Okay, I should really stop talking to you now, you make me do terrible things. A dozen of random people are terrified of me from now on because I'm so loud."

"You better be loud somewhere else, doll. Our bed is the best option, I reckon."

You could envision Logan's smirk right now and couldn't help but giggled.

"Oh, shut up! Save your dirty jokes for later."

"I'm looking forward to that 'later', darling."

"Okay, stop!" you exclaimed, pretending to be angry, but you both knew you couldn't actually be so. "I'll hang up and leave you to have a think through with yourself about your unbelievably naughty behavior."

"I bet you have heard much more naughty things from me though."

"I have indeed."

Five minutes after your call ended, you finally met Maddie.

"What's that huge smile on your face about?" she asked, hugging you.

"Just in a good mood," you answered, hugging her back. "You know, New Year and stuff."

"Fair enough." She nodded and you both approached a huge shopping centre you were originally planning to visit.

As soon as you walked in, your eyes widened at a great variety of shops there and there. You sighed, realising that you would probably end up in the last one, having previously visited every single one. But that was the main joy of shopping, how Maddie told you once.

"Ready to hit that place?" she exclaimed excitedly at the meantime.

"Born ready," you replied, a grin forming on your lips. Your tonight's dress will amaze everyone, it's for sure.

It was, as you predicted, the last shop you walked into where you found the particular dress you needed. Nothing in those visited before caught your attention, although a great choice was provided. Some were too short, some were too long, and when you thought you have found just the right one, none of your size existed. You almost gave up when you glanced at some shop-window and saw it. The best dress you could ever imagine you would wear. You looked at Maddie with amusement in your eyes, she returned the exact same look and at the same time you rushed to the clothes store that owned this piece of art.

"Isn't it, um, a bit too revealing?" you asked Maddie hesitantly, looking at yourself in the full-length mirror in front of you.

"Not in the slightest," she said reassuringly, eyeing you from the bottom to the top. "It reveals everything that needs to be revealed. Don't worry."

"Are you sure? Absolutely sure?"

A silver dress, halfway to your knees, was flowing down your body, emphasizing all the right parts of it. Narrow straps, decorated with rhinestones, crossed your shoulders. The main feature of this dress though was an opened back. That's what put you off at first. It was opened to the point of everyone being able to see your bare waist and you weren't used to this kind of clothes at all.

"Logan will like it, that's what I'm sure about," Maddie said, checking you out all over again. "And you look stunning, dear."

A thought of Logan seeing you in this dress was something that convinced you to make a purchase. He will totally like it, you thought, taking out your credit card.

Later, when it was already dark outside, you stood in front of the mirror at yours and Logan's shared bedroom, looking at yourself being fully ready for the party. You didn't let Logan look before you were finished, so he was yet to be amazed. Or at least you hoped he would.

What happened ten minutes later, reminded you of a typical, cliche New Year couple situation, when the girl walks downstairs and the guy looks at her with parted lips and widened eyes.

"I have to admit, I'm getting jealous of myself," Logan said as you came up and gave him a light kiss on the lips. "You look hella gorgeous, doll."

"And you fit me quite well," you answered, pointing at his white suit. "Just as gorgeous."

"I'll take it as the best compliment."

While you were driving to the place where the party was, Logan hadn't said anything. He became nervous all of a sudden. It was too often today that he got nervous, and it scared him as it wasn't in his nature at all. When he saw you in that beautiful dress of yours, he was stricken and a thought of you rejecting him crossed his mind. Was he good enough for you after all? Was he the right person?

He should have waited until the clocks strike twelve tonight to find out the answer.

The party was a hive of activity when you two arrived. You were met by yours and Logan's friends, hosts of the party, who immidiately gave you two glasses of champagne, complimenting on your dress, and fastly disappeared. It was half an hour before New Year when you found yourself in the corner of the room, bored and alone. Where Logan went, you didn't have an idea of, he just disappeared without telling you anything.

You almost lost your patience and was ready to leave when you heard someone.

"Won't you mind going with me right now?"

And of course, who could've it been other than Logan. You didn't even have time to argue when he grabbed you by the hand and soon you were rushing up the building along the metallic stairs.

"Where the hell have you been?"

You, honestly speaking, wanted to punch Logan in the face.

"You'll see," he answered with a mischievous smirk on his face.

You rolled your eyes. How Logan-like were his actions now!

"You better put this on, honey," the man said, stopping for a second and giving you a jacket from his suit.

"What do you mean by this? Why would I need to?"

"Well, if you want to freeze to death, you wouldn't. But keep in mind the fact that I still need you."

"We're going outside? What's going..."

You didn't have the time to respond as Logan threw the jacket on you and opened the door that you haven't noticed before. A cold breath of wintery air touched your face and you couldn't help but shivered. Logan looked at you, grinned and offered you his hand.

"There are literally ten minutes before New Year, what are we doing on a roof of a skyscraper? Are we even allowed here?"

"I don't think so." The grin on Logan's face became bigger.

"It seems to me that you like causing troubles," you replied. "The hell's..."

And you weren't able to finish the sentence again, when you walked a bit further and a beautiful sight appeared in front of your eyes. The whole city was enlightened, snow was falling from the sky and making the view even better.

You felt Logan's body pressing to yours from behind and smiled.

"That's... incredible," you muttered in amusement. "If it wasn't for me being really cold now though..."

"Oh, yes," Logan quickly pulled away, grabbed your shoulders and turned you so that he could see you. "I'll do it fast then."

"Do what? What do you have in mind?"

"Y/N," Logan began, his voice breaking all of a sudden. That was the moment he has been waiting for and afraid of at the same time. "It's hard for me to say those words that I'm about to say. I have never imagined in my mind that I would say them to any girl. Never in a million years."

"I already feel honoured," you couldn't help but joke.

Logan didn't seem to pay attention though.

"I bloody love you and it's not the first time I'm telling you that. But now it's... more special, I think. You're beautiful, you're amazing, you're fantastic, you're the best all in all. And you deserve to be reminded of it every single day of your life."

You gasped, covering your mouth with your hand as you saw a little red velvet box that Logan took out of his pocket.

"And I'm planning to do so until I... die probably. But I strongly doubt death's ability to separate us, you know."

Tears started tickling your eyes when Logan bowed down on one knee in front of you.

"You're of color blue by now so let's wrap it up. Y/N, will you marry me?"

Here, he said it. Logan felt his heart beating so fast it could probably jump out of his chest. What if you said no?

"Yes," he hardly heard from above. "Yes!" you exclaimed louder, your voice trembling from happy tears running down your cheeks.

The next thing you felt was a golden ring slipping down your finger and warm arms wrapped around you.

People on the lower floor started their count to New Year's Day.

10... 9...

"Can you even realize how scared I was?"

"There were no reasons to be so. I love you madly."

8... 7...

"Now I'm only left to hope it's a forever thing."

"Don't even try and doubt. I'm stuck on you and there's no way you're getting rid of me any time soon."

6... 5...

Logan leaned closer to you and you felt his breath on your lips.

"Isn't it the best way to meet the new year?"

"It is indeed."

4... 3...

You felt Logan's lips on yours, his hand on the back on your neck, another hand gripping your waist.

2... 1...

Fireworks lit up the sky but you didn't care. To the loud shouts beneath you kissed, so sweet, gentle and passionate at the same time that you didn't want this moment to end.

"Happy New Year, love."

"Happy New Year, my lovely motherfucker."

“Starting New Year cursing are we?“

“Your bad influence, dear.“

[bnheadcanons-scenarios]

Rare Pair Week Day 2: Bakery

I...actually did two days in a row? Sweet! Sorry I promise I’ll get back to requests tomorrow!

For @bnhararepairweek

Read on AO3

Day 2: Bakery

Pairing: TodoBaku (Todoroki x Bakugou)

Title: Smells like Home

Summary: Todoroki promised that he’d go to Uraraka’s new bakery. He expected it to be a good experience and, well, things don’t always go as planned

Word Count: 1190

Todoroki was standing outside of a newly opened bakery, admiring the sign that read Uravity Goods. He contemplated whether or not he actually had time to go inside but then he remembered the promise he made to Midoriya. He sighed and opened the door, hearing a soft chime of the bell as the door opened.

The first thing he noticed was the smell. He’s always enjoyed the smell of warm breads and pastries because it always brought back fond memories of his mother. His heart sank to his stomach as his mind filled with memories of her.

“Oi! Are you gonna fucking order something or just stand there like a damn fish outta water?” Todoroki was snapped out of his thoughts at the harsh voice. He blinked a few times at the man behind the counter. Todoroki didn’t answer right away, instead taking in the image of red eyes, blonde hair, and pretty well-developed biceps. He saw the other cock his eyebrow in annoyance.

“Me?”

The other just scowled deeper, leaning over the counter with his elbows on the counter top, “Do you see anyone else here just standing there like a goddamn dumbass.”

“Do you always speak to the customers like that?” The blonde seemed to be taken aback by his statement temporarily, obviously not used to people not submitting to his angry tone. After the momentary shock dissipated, he went back to scowling only this time, Todoroki could feel a threatening aura emanate from him.

“LISTEN HERE YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHI-oof.” He was cut off when a short brunette smacked him on the back of the head with a sheet tray, causing him to clutch the spot with his hand and let out a groan before turning to her. “GODDAMN YOU STUPID FUCKING DOUCHE-DICK I’LL KILL YOU!”

“Yeah yeah whatever Bakugou. Nothing I haven’t heard before not stop being rude to the customers!” She turned to Todoroki and her face lit up, ignoring the man’s – Bakugou’s – complaints and colorful language. “Hey Todoroki! Long time no see! Sorry about this idiot but it’s part of his charm believe it or not.”

“It’s fine. It’s nice to see you again Uraraka,” he bowed his head slightly and went to look at the different pastries in the display cases. He felt eyes follow his movements and tried to ignore it.

“Whatever you want is on the house! I have to get back to the ovens.”

“Or you can fucking let me back there so I don’t have to deal with any bitch ass people anymore.”

“Nope you’re still being punished! See ya Todoroki!”

He looked up and gave a small nod in her direction before walking back to the counter. “Just a blueberry scone please.” Bakugou grunted in reply and went to get the pastry for him. Todoroki shifted awkwardly where he stood. “So, what are you getting punished for?”

Bakugou threw the bag with the pastry on the counter before glaring at the other. “None of your fucking business.”

Todoroki shrugged before grabbing the bag, giving a small nod to Bakugou, and walking out of the shop, the only thought in his mind was about how interesting that encounter was.

--

Todoroki went back every day after that though he doesn’t really know why. Most of the time he would grab a pastry to go but occasionally he would buy a coffee and a treat and sit at one of the booths to read. No matter what time of day he went, he never saw the blonde again. Most of the time it was Uraraka that was dealing with customers but other times there was another girl, Mina he thought he heard Uraraka call her at one point, that was there instead.

He never asked about Bakugou though, not wanting to seem like he was going there to see him again. Though, now that he thinks about it, that might be the reason. He still doesn’t really know why but he does know that the blond intrigues him.

He was lost in thought as he entered the shop, hearing the familiar bell and walking up to the counter without paying much attention to why was standing behind the register. He didn’t look up as he reached into his pocket to grab some bills as he ordered his usual blueberry scone. He did look up, however, when he heard a scoff and a familiar voice chastising him.

“Are you just that much of an asshole you can’t even respect service workers by fucking looking at them?”

He just gaped at Bakugou for a moment before he let out a quiet sorry as he felt his face heat up. Bakugou only clicked his tongue in response before walking away momentarily. Todoroki gave him the money in exchange for the food. “So, did you get punished again?”

Bakugou glared at him and slammed the register drawer. “Here’s your fucking change, Halfie.” He practically threw the coins into Todoroki’s hand. He pocketed the change and decided to sit at his usual booth instead of leaving like his original plan was. Again, he could feel Bakugou’s eyes watch him as he saw, feeling slightly uncomfortable under his gaze.

A few more customers came in while he was sat there and he watched Bakugou deal with each of them. It shocked him, though, that Bakugou was slightly nicer to everyone. Sure, he still wore his signature scowl, but he controlled his language and tone, especially around any children that came through.

Bakugou finished with the last customer and grabbed a wet rag from the sink before walking around and wiping off tables. Todoroki could hear quiet grumbles coming from the blonde but couldn’t make out anything he was saying.

“So you can be a decent human being? I’m impressed,” he teased when Bakugou started to wipe the table next to him.

“Shut the fuck up asshole.” He hit Todoroki’s shoulder with the towel, causing him to laugh lightly. He also noticed that Bakugou’s cheeks were dusted slightly pink at the teasing.

“Are you ever going to tell me how you angered Uraraka? It’s very hard to make her mad.”

“I don’t have to tell you shit. We aren’t friends dumbass.”

Todoroki thought for a moment before standing up and extending a hand. “I’m Todoroki Shouto.”

Bakugou just stared at the hand in confusion before ignoring him completely and going back to wiping down tables. Todoroki just slowly lowered his arm and instead grabbed a napkin and a pen, writing down his contact information. He walked over and tapped Bakugou on the shoulder, shoving the napkin in the other’s hand before he could reject it. Bakugou uncrumpled the paper and glanced at it.

“The fuck is this for?”

“It’s my phone number if you’re interested in being friends.”

“And why the fuck would I ever want to be friends with a shit like you?”

Todoroki shrugged before grabbing his stuff and going to exit the bakery, expecting Bakugou to throw away the napkin and already planning on coming back the next day.

What he didn’t see was Bakugou pocketing the paper before going back to work.

[insecure-hbo-the-recaps]

hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She’s all about her hoe-tation. Molly’s dad cheated on Molly’s mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa’s alarm goes off and at first it looks like she’s beyond late for work. But it’s something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it’s a huge hassle. “Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off,” some idiot points out obliviously. “Thanks!” Issa trills in a curt “no duh” kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they’re going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don’t trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it’s her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn’t answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa’s superfluously woke outerwear. She’s wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a “Sexplosion,” which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she’ll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She’s one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae’s door. He is surprised to see her, but he’s clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn’t have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle (“I could cry right now I’m so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can’t get it up and that her pussy is trash”) I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You’re going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you’re going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it’s not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she’d tell me stories I’d be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you’ll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you’re single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he’s busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There’s an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she’s going to Target. “Why would I be?” Issa snaps. I mean, it’s a fair question. I’m potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: “it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that.” Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I’m not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I’m watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say… technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And… this was the idea he’d been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH “WOOT WOOT”?!

Two guys that I’m going to assume are Lawrence’s superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I’m glad I’m not inclined to this field because it’s honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it’s great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it’s a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they’re doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand… white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don’t have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I’m at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she’s worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn’t be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it’s nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa’s having it with Molly.

It turns out they’re in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who’s seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is… if you start fucking a married man you really can’t be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you’d think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn’t want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they’ll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she’s getting body work done) and it’ll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly “there are other places with other letters”) seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can’t afford to repair her car, she can’t afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She’s still having trouble accepting that men she’s seeing casually aren’t just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so… how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you’re gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don’t think I would ever describe sex with me as “acceptable” except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I’m partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it’s something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone’s attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana’s desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn’t think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it’s fine if she doesn’t see the vision and who cares because she’s not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren’t into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says “it’s like they didn’t want to offend you,” Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she’s entitled to her opinion. While I don’t approve of Lawrence’s childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro’s behavior doesn’t seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she’s being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that’s all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly’s place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly’s headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone’s financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we’ve seen so far I think Molly’s sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn’t really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it’s like… do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It’s painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he’s meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - “I really like you and I don’t want to rush past this, I want to get to know you” - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she’s coming from, I do. But she’s going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly’s, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn’t want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn’t looking for a second side piece which you’d think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She’s asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn’t that inherently answering its own question?

Anyway Dro says that Candace knows they are sleeping together and in fact it was her idea to open the relationship. Or so he says. Molly, like a fool, just wants to indulge her butterflies. Her caution is just lip service. She wanted to be told what she wanted to hear.

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses’ office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana’s words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his “perspective and input” which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. “You bring a lot to the team,” the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see “Lawrence 2.0” and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn’t get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again (“what store did you get those from again?”) should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating… no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let’s move on. They aren’t particularly original, so I’ll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so… what is Tiffany’s job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let’s just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn’t do it wholesale, Issa doesn’t like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it’s not her favorite but she’s flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a “ho” and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn’t see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn’t know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I’d left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I’m not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I’d be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can’t - I feel like I’m biased and I don’t want to preach from that perspective, so I’m not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don’t know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It’s a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging “Woot Woot” is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there’s some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel’s listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich… it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That’s new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which… I mean, I don’t know, if they like it then I’ll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel’s he is impressed with Issa’s blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he’s about to come, and he grabs Issa’s head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He’s holding her head down, so he… strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn’t know why she’s upset. Issa is so mad she’s incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa’s anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude’s dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain’t-shit knows it’s rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I’ve dated men that wouldn’t come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn’t give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel’s rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. “Issa?” the driver asks. “Issa car pool!” and everyone laughs except Issa because she’s tired of getting the idea that she’s the butt of every joke.

[insecure-hbo-recaps]

hella blows

Previously on Insecure: Issa is cool with Daniel, but he knows what it is. She's all about her hoe-tation. Molly's dad cheated on Molly's mom which made her feel stupid enough to sleep with Dro. Issa wanted to make sure Daniel knew they were both seeing other people.

Issa's alarm goes off and at first it looks like she's beyond late for work. But it's something even worse than that: she has to get up to move her car out of designated parking to a free side of the street before she gets a ticket or tow. Ikr? About 65% of the reason I want to move out of my current neighborhood even though it's a huge hassle. "Ay! Your bumper bout to fall off," some idiot points out obliviously. "Thanks!" Issa trills in a curt "no duh" kind of way.

Molly is working late. Dro calls and she hesitates before answering, clearly not looking forward to it. She thinks they're going to have a serious conversation but of course he is just calling to shoot the shit. I feel like probably unfairly this paints Dro as suspect? Who fucks their lifelong friend while in an open marriage and then calls like nothing is different? I get the counterargument that that may be WHY he would call and act like nothing is different. But I don't trust these fools.

Molly gets a call on the other line, and tells Dro she has to go because it's her mom. But rather than brace herself for the sure emotional baggage that would come from that, Molly actually doesn't answer, and just sits there thinking about what a mess her life is. She and Dro apparently have plans to see each other the next day, which is ostensibly the real reason why he called.

Shout out to Issa's superfluously woke outerwear. She's wearing that sweatshirt with a somewhat less than casual long skirt by the way. She has no car, so she has to take the bus. She eyes some latino kid as though she recognizes him. He regards her awkwardly as if he recognizes her too. She slides Daniel a potential come thru text and heads into her apartment, bored and restless. She has an email for somethin called a "Sexplosion," which is appealing to her in this moment of drudgery. She bored.

Deciding this particular boredom is not something she can merely abide, Issa figures maybe she'll stop in on Neighbor Bae. Her bathroom freshen up routine consists of mouthwash and an aggressive verbal affirmation seminar. She's one hundred percent gasssed up.

She obliviously heads downstairs and knocks on Neighbor Bae's door. He is surprised to see her, but he's clearly pretending not to know whether or not he asked her over, which is polite. Issa assumes her dropping by should be welcomed, but Eddie has company. He makes needlessly polite excuses when honestly he didn't have to because who the fuck is Issa? Mama gotta have a life too.

Although Issa has to vent via mirror freestyle ("I could cry right now I'm so embarrassed and mad, I hope you can't get it up and that her pussy is trash") I mean, come on. Be reasonable. You're going to have to get a much thicker skin and a lot more comfortable with rejection if you're going to try to be about that ho life. And you know what, it's not for everyone. I had a friend who for some reason thought she was this perfect princess in her mind when really when she'd tell me stories I'd be looking at her like this is some random bitch who will do cocaine with strangers on a first date and then fuck them on the way home so why you think you deserve a doctor husband though? The answer to that question is that she was white and therefore delusional, but the overall point is that not everybody can brave the harsh landscape of being single and dating, and if you try to fake it you'll just end up crying at bars when men ask you why you're single (which also happened to this friend).

I really hate when I take accidental pauses like this one lol:

As Issa irritatedly deals with not getting the dick she psyched herself up for, she gets a double whammy of rejection when Daniel answers her come thru text that he's busy. Issa is not feeling singleness at this moment. There's an interlude with Baby Voiced Darius where he asks her, just randomly for no reason, if she's going to Target. "Why would I be?" Issa snaps. I mean, it's a fair question. I'm potentially going to Target 40% of the time in any random day.

In some other cool, quirky, millennial loft in Los Angeles, Lawrence is making some kind of pitch to a motley group of assembled coworkers. So now we finally get some details on the elusive Woot Woot: "it aggregates all of your data, where you shop, where you eat, where you drink, and it makes recommendations based on that." Motherfucker how is this any different from all the bullshit Netflix keeps recommending me 67 times that I'm not going to watch, or how google is so Big Brother on us now that if I'm watching or listening to something and decide to look up part of it, it can autocomplete my search based on less than one word? I mean to say... technology been way able to do that for a long time, bruh. Everyone cheers and applauds and Lawrence, in a very ugly navy cardigan, grins big at what seems like praise and encouragement of his idea. And... this was the idea he'd been working on while unemployed for two years? AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH "WOOT WOOT"?!

Two guys that I'm going to assume are Lawrence's superiors are giving him feedback. Bosses in the start up world look like this:

I'm glad I'm not inclined to this field because it's honestly not something that I think I would be able to take seriously lol. They say it's great and they loved the presentation. While their feedback sounds positive and Lawrence obviously thinks it's a vote of confidence, if you listen closely they're doing nothing but praising him individually and offering compliments to the fact that he is working hard and competently, not praising the viability of his work specifically. They make no comments whatsoever about the app being a good idea or potential product. Then, just to underscore the fact that they are Clueless White People, the fat guy asks Lawrence about his shoes, and calls them fly. I would take issue that at this point it seems like the show just makes fun of white people just to mock them and make white people as a whole unsympathetic but on the other hand... white people stay doing fake bonding shit like this when they don't have to, so if they look bad, then, motherfuckers, stop doing the shit.

Where do you suppose Issa and Molly are? I'm at a loss as to whether this is a Chinese restaurant, a really shitty travel agency, or somewhere where you can get your eyebrows waxed for eight dollars. Molly is telling Issa she's worried that she may have fucked up her friendship with Dro, and Issa points out that that wouldn't be surprising considering that she fucked her friend. I think that it's nice just a couple episodes ago Molly was having this talk with Issa, and now Issa's having it with Molly.

It turns out they're in a mechanic waiting room while Issa gets an estimate to fix her car. Molly opines that Dro is the only person/man who's seen her at her worst so why would she go and complicate things this way? And the way I feel about that is... if you start fucking a married man you really can't be thinking about any of this shit where he may potentially be a person that is anything other than a married man. Remind me again that at some point during this story line I take a complete break to tell y'all about how I was fucking a married man. The point is anyway that Molly is doing the most emotionally when you'd think it would be easy to understand that in a situation like this specifically you need to do your best to chill. Her current thought is to tell Dro she doesn't want it to happen again when they hang out later that night.The mechanic comes back and tells Issa they'll have to order parts to do the repairs (which duh she's getting body work done) and it'll be about 5500. Issa balks at that price tag.

Remember in the previous episode where Molly and Issa talked about a vacation? Molly still wants to go (listing a bunch of countries and islands that start with M, prompting Issa to chide annoyedly "there are other places with other letters") seemingly oblivious to the fact that if Issa can't afford to repair her car, she can't afford to go on vacation. In hindsight, this show really put a LOT of effort into very deliberate continuity between episodes, for really small things.

Issa is frustrated because she had been doing really well with all her various life parts and now all of them seem to be scattering out abruptly. She's still having trouble accepting that men she's seeing casually aren't just available for her whenever she wants them to be. Ok so... how are you saying you want Daniel to know to stay in his place, and you want Mexican Bae not to expect anything from you, but you want them to be willing to do whatever you want when you want it? Again: be reasonable sis. If you're gonna dish it out then obviously you have to take it back too. Then she acknowledges sex with her is mediocre and, again, this is where she loses me. I don't think I would ever describe sex with me as "acceptable" except on occasions when I know I am making no effort to leave an impression. Come on now. Half the dudes I got to stick around as adults - when sex is less of an issue and everyone has more baggage - is probably 80% because sex was the only draw. And I'm partially joking (clearly I have the delusionally high self esteem of a complete asshole and I like it that way), but seriously it's something that you have to think about as you get older. The Panties Card gets flimsier and flimsier, until it is no longer a guaranteed bargaining chip to maintain someone's attention which frankly was news to me.

Back at the super cool Los Angeles tech start up, Lawrence stops by Arpana's desk and playfully asks her questions around what he should do with his impending takeover of the app world. Arpana makes this face:

Clearly she is clued into what Lawrence is not, which is that the presentation did not go as well as he thought it did. She tells him he should lower his expectations, because she doesn't think Woot Woot is viable: it felt outdated. Speaking of delusional self esteem, Lawrence cooly replies that it's fine if she doesn't see the vision and who cares because she's not the one greenlighting it anyway. As he gets up to leave, Arpana adds that clearly the bosses weren't into it like they were some other app where they asked questions and dug through the pitch looking for flaws then scheduled a follow up. It slowly sinks in on Lawrence that maybe she has a point, but when she says "it's like they didn't want to offend you," Lawrence puts his defenses back up and tells her that she's entitled to her opinion. While I don't approve of Lawrence's childish blindspots, I do approve of his polite passive aggressive work rebuttals. (Professional environments love passive aggression.)

Laker bar. Molly shows up for her date with Dro, nervous about the speech she plans to drop. She awkwardly explains that she feels like things are different though objectively Dro's behavior doesn't seem in any way out of the ordinary. He tells her she's being dramatic and to calm the fuck down. They playfully joke about french fries and apparently that's all it took to defuse the tension.

The tension was so de-fused that they went back to Molly's place after the game to offer us another excellently choreographed sex scene. A.) Molly's headboard is everything (quality headboards are not in reach of everyone's financial adult life, sigh) and b.) of all the ones we've seen so far I think Molly's sex scenes are the only ones that are actually sexy.

Meanwhile, Issa has invited Mexican Bae over to her place. She doesn't really want to date him, so this is all a ruse to hopefully get some dick. As she makes pointed conversation drawing attention to her visible bra and the obscene shortness of her skirt, at this point it's like... do you even actually want some dick or is this just about proving a point? Like are you actually horny and wanting to get fucked? Nico plays along politely, even ignoring her obvious come ons. We are then treated to an awkward scene where Nico wants to treat Issa like a person and she wants to treat him like a conquest. It's painful to witness.

Issa decides to try a more direct move and just initiates kissing. Nico tries to bring the date back around to their dinner reservations. I feel like the fact that he's meant to be fairly older than Issa is supposed to play into this. Issa goes so far as to try to bypass this, and when Nico tells her to slow down - "I really like you and I don't want to rush past this, I want to get to know you" - it just makes Issa angry. Even then, Nico is STILL WILLING to go out to dinner, but Issa apparently is too prideful for this so she flatly rejects him and watches him leave. Sigh. I do understand where she's coming from, I do. But she's going about it all the wrong way - very defensively and insecurely. (Oh! I get it now! Ba dum bum.)

Back at Molly's, she and Dro are doing the post coital thing. He points out that she said she didn't want to do this anymore. Molly is clearly in a dick haze because her defenses are vastly lowered. She wants to know the boundaries of their non-relationship but Dro is all cool and aloof. He does tell her he isn't looking for a second side piece which you'd think considering the circumstances would clue her into how ridiculous a conversation this is. She's asking a married man whether he wants to fuck other women on the side of his wife, isn't that inherently answering its own question?

Anyway Dro says that Candace knows they are sleeping together and in fact it was her idea to open the relationship. Or so he says. Molly, like a fool, just wants to indulge her butterflies. Her caution is just lip service. She wanted to be told what she wanted to hear.

Another day at work, Lawrence decides to stop by the bosses' office - where they are standing at waist high desks instead of sitting - and follow up regarding his presentation. Recalling Arpana's words, he asks whetehr they have any feedback regarding his Woot Woot pitch. I really like the way they framed this shot:

as they shoot each other uncomfortable looks at being put on the spot. Lawrence is speaking in terms of how to to move forward with a viable project, but the bosses do nothing but offer more empty compliments. They have no additional thoughts that would signify any real concerns that would be relevant were this to be an actual project they undertook. The fat boss says they love having his "perspective and input" which delicately suggests Lawrence is there as a diversity hire and not as a real and valuable part of the team. "You bring a lot to the team," the skinny guy says. The fat guy gives a typically encouraging bullshit line of being excited to see "Lawrence 2.0" and the skinny guy laughs sycophantically. If Lawrence still doesn't get it, the fact that they overcompensate about his shoes again ("what store did you get those from again?") should leave him in no doubt. Emasculating... no? (I have far too many thoughts on this subject so let's move on. They aren't particularly original, so I'll spare you.)

Sexplosion. Hey! There are strippers doing pole tricks and chocolatey penis cakes so... what is Tiffany's job again that this is a thing she does? Issa, Molly, Kelli, and Tiffany stroll up and take a bunch of free condoms. Issa thinks Molly broke things off with Dro because she asks why she needs condoms. They talk about barriers for oral sex and I just remembered this is the episode where they have the problematic, regressive conversation about oral sex.

So, let's just get this out of the way: Tiffany, the only married one who is clearly the most whitewashed of the group, is the only one to openly acknowledge she loves giving blowjobs. Kelli doesn't do it wholesale, Issa doesn't like to do it, and Molly gives the Carrie Bradshaw (because of course this was a conversation on SEASON ONE of sex and the city) response of how it's not her favorite but she's flexible. Question: is this what black women are still on in the streets?

Being called a "ho" and ostracized for having any kind of sexuality is something that I left behind in high school once I was an adult and didn't see any reason to need my choices validated by gossip and/or people I didn't know. And the conservative quasi-religious culture of patriarchal standards and misogynist perspectives is something I completely abandoned in grad school when the only black men around that wanted to date me behaved like the shit I'd left behind in high school and I realized I was totally unfamiliar with any other cultural norms. I'm not going to go off on a tangent to get to the bottom line that I would hope this is not still a widespread understanding amongst young black women these days though I would not be entirely surprised if it were. I want to sum it up as so: when I exclusively dated black men some of the time I'd be sleeping with a guy who would refuse to ever kiss me, for apparently no reason whatsoever other than it was culturally normal. I was surprised when I started dating white men and they really do want to wake up and kiss you on the mouth first thing in the morning. I slept with a motherfucker all four years of undergrad who never went down on me ONCE. Like, I can't - I feel like I'm biased and I don't want to preach from that perspective, so I'm not even going to dig into this.

I will say this - I don't know how the fuck you expect to successfully date as an adult when you have whole chunks of sexual entrees completely off the menu - for WHATEVER ideological reason - yet continue to think you are dating as a normal person. It's a hang up. Call it a hang up and accept it.

The next day, Molly is reading an article by Serena Williams about closing the pay gap. Damn, that makes me feel bad. Her mom is still calling and leaving voicemails. At an office across town, Lawrence makes amends with Arpana by acknowledging "Woot Woot" is dead. He tells her she was right, and also there was a racial component to their behavior. Arpana bonds with him as a WOC. Lawrence finally starts to accept he was wrong about his app. They both slowly realize there's some attraction there that might go somewhere, sometime soon. Every single Woot Woot joke this show has made has been hilarious.

Issa is at Daniel's listening to some song he produced. It sounds good. Issa says it has a black Daft Punk vibe whiiiiich... it sounds good and nothing like Daft Punk at the same time. They have a moment about how apparently Issa likes champagne with a shot of Jameson. That's new. They are very flirty and comfortable and eventually start kissing. Issa pushes him down on the couch and as they start to undress, she stops him and gets down on her knees. Speaking of hang ups, I refused to ever give a blowjob literally on my knees, until I started playing it up as an ego thing.

Somewhere across town, Molly is also having a sexy night, in some fancy sterile bathroom taking a bubble bath while Dro sits on the edge of the tub. Before they get too far along, Dro gets a text from his wife who has accidentally locked herself out of their home. Molly is disappointed, and plays it off badly. They were doing a fancy hotel thing ordering in romantic shit which... I mean, I don't know, if they like it then I'll abide it silently. Have taken a bath with a guy I was casually sleeping with though. The water was so hot we were both sweating and the wine glasses were fogging up. He asked me how my day was and when I started to reply he started using his fingers on me, but ordered me to keep talking. That dude and I were basically hate fucking, but that moment was always sexy as hell to me.

Back at Daniel's he is impressed with Issa's blowjob skills. And then this sequence of events happens: he's about to come, and he grabs Issa's head, somehow holding it in place until:

Look! I took a screenshot for you! Bwahahahaha. Seriously how would that work logistically? He's holding her head down, so he... strategically pulls it up and manages to put it in exactly the right place so that he could shoot her in the eye? Issa is pissed. Daniel acts like he doesn't know why she's upset. Issa is so mad she's incoherent, and forcefully pushes him away when he tries to touch her. Issa's anger is on one level due to the aforementioned hangups about blowjobs - she said she felt like once you sucked a dude's dick he felt like he conquered you and relegated you to ho status - but on another level, Daniel is rude as fuck and it is NEVER ok to do a facial without express consent. Her anger is justified, even if it is a bit exacerbated by other issues. Any man who is not an ain't-shit knows it's rude to come in your mouth without permission LET ALONE ON YOUR FACE! Hell I've dated men that wouldn't come on me even when I asked, or my ex who would always pull away without my asking, even though I didn't give a goddamn WHERE he came, EVER. Like, Daniel's rude as fuck.

So, Issa tells him fuck you and leaves. She ends up hovering around a gas station waiting for her Uber pool that already has two people in it, holding a wet towel to her eye. "Issa?" the driver asks. "Issa car pool!" and everyone laughs except Issa because she's tired of getting the idea that she's the butt of every joke.

[cerealwatch]

Okay so

Oh boy. Okay. I’d love to talk about all things Overwatch with you! Just… be prepared for some salt about certain characters. These are just my opinions.

I’m gonna put this under read more because this is gonna be long, my friend.

OKAY okay so. Let’s start at the beginning. The Overwatch timeline is really, really confusing. The Overwatch lore is confusing in general. I have no idea what happens when, but thankfully someone (I can’t remember who, but they’re a savior) made a reasonable timeline of the Overwatch events.

However, new things keep getting added and I’m???? I’m confused but. Like. The Uprising event. I thought Ana died 10 years prior to present Overwatch time but the Null Sector mission took place 7 years ago so like???? You just have to freestyle. The timeline is basically nonexistent so all I have to say on that is I just do whatever the hell I want with the timeline and nobody makes a fuss because we all share that apathy. No one cares about the timeline. It’s not even worth the effort to try to piece it together.

And I mean, the information we have on most of the characters is really vague??? I mean it gives me a lot of room to experiment and stuff but I’d love to have something solid on the characters that aren’t part of the original strike team or the Shimada Bros (because god knows how much Chu favors those two).

Like, D.Va, Symmetra, Zarya, Mei, Emily… they get ignored. Entirely. We only have mere snippets of them to work with and even then, I don’t have a fucking clue. It’s upsetting, really, but I assume (and hope, and pray, and wish, and need) we’ll get like a comic or an animation on one of theme here soon.

Well, we’d better. Or something for Pharah or Mercy because I SWEAR TO GOD if its something for the characters that already have SUBSTANTIAL LORE to work with I’m gonna be upset. I’m already upset. I’ll just be even more upset.

Like at this point there’s only a select few characters I even relatively give a shit about? But I figure I’ll just go through every character and state my opinion on them.

Genji - “I NEED HEALING I NEED HEALING I NEED HE—“ This is the ultimatum of Genji. He’s a double-edged sword. I can’t find it in myself to like him, not after everything. I won’t let myself say that I hate him, but I just… I can’t appreciate his character. In theory, his design in aesthetically appealing, and his backstory is dark in a way that I might have been able to enjoy were it not Genji. But at this point, he’s too far out of reach. His gameplay is not one that works well with mine, as a Mercy main, and the people who play him are THE MOST toxic in all the Overwatch community, hands down. And when I don’t heal him, Genji players don’t understand that maybe it’s because I have no idea where the fuck they are. Maybe it’s because they’re on the other side of the goddamn map and boy, would I love to heal you, but I can’t if you aren’t within reach of my health noodle. Maybe it’s because they’re jumping head first into the enemy team, and I may be healer, but my priority first and foremost is to keep MYSELF alive, so if you die in .2 seconds it’s not my fault.

In my opinion, Genji contributes nothing to a team, and where Overwatch is TEAM FOCUSED game, I can’t see the point in having him on a team. I can’t see the point in risking my life to heal him. I don’t see what he brings to the table. I won’t let myself hate him because Genji, as a character, deserves better than what people who play him make him, but I don’t see his value.

McCree - I could care less about McCree. I don’t have a set opinion in him. His character is extra in a way that is almost comical, and I can appreciate the McCree & Pharah sibling dynamic. It’s cute. And McCree is fun to play, I will admit. But as for what happens to him, I could care less. His character interactions are boring. His personality isn’t interesting. So while I don’t dislike him, simply because he’s fun and weird, I really just don’t care about him. At all.

Pharah - I LOVE HER I love her so much. I love Fareeha “Pharah” Amari. I love her because she’s everything you need for a commander, and I love her because she loves everyone. Like, she can be stern and strategic and harsh but she also cares so much for her teammates. I love her because of her morals— her tendency to defend, her instinctual need to protect. This is her life. This is what she was born to do— protect, and love, and if anyone should be the face of net-overwatch it had damn well better be her. I love her because her comfort can be the wisest of words and it can be the smallest of brushes of shoulders in the hallways and I love her because both of those comforts can mean the same thing in different contexts. I love her because when her mother left, she wasn’t understanding, fucking hell she was bitter. And you can hear it in her interactions that, maybe, she’s still bitter, she’s still mad at her mom for leaving. She certainly isn't upset for her mother putting her work above her child, but she’s bitter because she’s doing what she loves in protecting people and the only thing she can think of is how much her mother would disapprove. I don’t like what the fandom has done to her in making her character revolve solely around her mother, because while Ana certainly made her who she is, she doesn't define her. She’s the Strike Commander that the new Overwatch deserves.

Reaper - At the beginning, before we had any background on what he was like before the fall, I disliked him. I thought he was boring and his gameplay was dull and he was just some angsty teen wearing every clusterfucked article of clothing in Hot Topic. But now, now that I have lore, I love this man. I love his dedication and the fact that it wasn’t jealousy, it never was, but it was the fact that Overwatch wasn’t doing jack shit while the world crumbled in London. He deserved so much more than what he got— his strike team of fuck-ugly Overwatch rejects. Talon fucked him up but I think, deep down, he’s still just sad about what could have been and he just wants to take Widow and Sombra on vacation to Hawaii and not have to think about war or blood or Blackwatch or Talon ever again. If Pharah is the leader Overwatch needs now, he was the leader Overwatch deserved but never got, the one who cared about the troops and the cause so much that he would go so far as to forsake the law to fight for what he believed in. Easily one of my favorites.

Soldier: 76 - FUCK THIS MAN fuck him and his stupid white bread face and fuck his dumb aimbot let and FUCK the 12 year olds who can’t aim that play him. Fuck the people that see him as some dumb fucking father figure because he’s not he's a dumb, salty asshat who can’t accept the fact that Overwatch’s fall was his own dumb fault like the selfish fucking motherfucker he is. But most importantly, FUCK his stupid, unoriginal gameplay and his stupid unoriginal backstory. Blizzard thought they were being clever when they took Call of Duty and slapped a Yankee cap on it and called him Soldier: 76 but they weren’t. Fuck this dumb blonde-haired-blue-eyed poster boy that can’t get over his cardboard ass. Fuck him.

Sombra - Her voice actress is a gift and her gameplay is actually super useful if used correctly and her character has a lot of potential and dynamic, especially with Reaper and Widowmaker, but I just can’t get super into her??? Like she’s really, really cool in terms of overall design and people who write her, kudos to you, but I can only appreciate her from a distance. Sometimes I wish I could like her more, but I can’t I just… can’t. She’s not for me.

Tracer - SHE’S SO IMPORTANT so important in so many ways. First and foremost, she’s the face of Overwatch and she’s gay and that’s cool. That’s super cool. I mean, it’s a small step forwards, but it’s a step in the right direction. Furthermore, she is important in that she is the heart and soul of Overwatch. She is what makes it a hero organization. She gives it that natural, friendly appeal. But even further, she loves so freely and openly. But she’s not perfect, and thats what I think is the best thing about her. She couldn't save Mondatta, and she beat herself up over it. She fell through time and space and she wasn't fine afterwards. She still isn't fine, but the most important thing is that she moves forward. That’s why she is one of my top three favorite characters. (In relation to There’s Blood in the Water, I gave her the ‘healing hands’ trope for this reason. It’s in her nature to care, so when she helps Hana along her way, it comes naturally to her not because she pities Hana, but because it’s in her nature to care.)

Bastion - Play of the Game Simulator 2k17. A one-button masterpiece of a game where you look in one direction and shoot and wow! Look! You got a kill. Good job, you special snowflake you. A+ gameplay 10/10 would recommend.

Hanzo - I don’t like him. He’s just a fucking idiot is what he is. Nothing, absolutely nothing of what he did to Genji was justified. Like, if I was mad at my brother for enjoying the simple things in life would I be mad? I mean, sure, but like if I were the heir to the empire anyways I wouldn’t see a damn problem. But like, even if I were mad, why the fuck would I kill him over it? It just makes no fucking sense. There’s no reason. There is absolutely no reason someone should ever be so angry as to see murder as the only solution. There’s just no situation, especially with a sibling, someone you share your flesh and blood and your fucking life with, where murder is justifiable. Hanzo fucked up when he ‘killed’ Genji and any guilt he feels by that decision is what he deserves. Anything that comes his way, he fucking deserves that shit. Honestly, he’s lucky that his brother found in in himself to forgive him because, if like, my older sister tried to kill me because she was upset I was having sex rather than, say, paying my bills, I would be pretty fucking upset.

Junkrat - This dumb fcuking garbage man. You don’t need to aim to play him. You don’t need any level of experience with Overwatch to play him. Honestly he’s just so dislikeable???? I honestly can’t believe there are people that actually LIKE his character and ENJOY his play style. It’s just… so hard for me to believe. He’s so dumb. He’s SO DUMB. You don’t need to AIM to play him. And the people that ship him with Symmetra and Mei I’m just??? You really think they would let him within 10 feet of them??? Because you are sorely mistaken. This stinky rat man needs to go in the trash bin where he belongs.

Mei - Okay like she’s actually a fucked up character?? People overlook the fact that she was the sole survivor of the Ecopoint incident. Like, can you imagine that? Waking up one day after everything had gone to shit, coming out of the cryopod and looking around and realizing that you were the only one that made it out alive. And it would be weeks before help arrived so just waking up every morning and seeing those frozen bodies in the windows of the cryopods. Can you imagine what that would do to someone? So like the fact that she is able to stay so upbeat and focus on her dreams is beyond me. Like the nightmares from that shit would be fucking wild. Just… respect Mei, man. She’s got her scars.

Torbjörn - I mean, despite the nonexistent level of skill that is required to play him, he’s not that bad? I like envisioning him as a total family man. Like, drops everything to cal his wife just to tell her he loves her. Even in the middle of battle. Loves all of his children and sends them souvenirs from wherever his missions take him. Names every single one of his turrets and encourages them, like ‘I believe in you, Linda, you can do it!’ or ‘Come on Olaf, just a little longer and then we win!’ I feel like he would just… take in anyone under his wing. You need help fixing something? He’ll help. You need to rant? He’ll listen. Albeit, it’s in a bit of a roundabout way, but he has seven kids and he knows how to listen. Fuck Dad: 76, where are my Dad Torb fics? You know, the guy who actually has children?

Widowmaker - Out of every character in this goddamn shitting addictive game, I think her lore is, by far, the most interesting. Capture by Talon and programmed to kill her husband at just the right moment, then released back under pretenses that everything was fine— I doubt even she knew what was wrong with her until it was too late, and then that guilt was manipulated and twisted until they had their perfect weapon. The Widowmaker. And I think, subconsciously, she’s aware of what she’s done, aware that she’s messed up beyond repair and that she’s done horrible things. And I think that’s what drives her to, eventually, let herself be taken in by Overwatch (purely a headcanon of mine). Eventually, she will have a redemption arc, and it will be long and hard and she won’t be the same. The idea that Amélie is still in there, somewhere, is pretty childish in my opinion because nobody’s the same after torture, and on the degree hers was supposedly at, there’s no possible way. She won’t revert back to what she was. After all that happened to her, she’ll never be the same. But she can start over.

D.Va - DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON D.VA don’t even. I love her SO FUCKING MUCH. I love her SO MUCH that I wrote 85k words that’s basically torture porn that was put in a blender with a healthy dose of introspection and PTSD. I love her character, I love her gameplay, and more than anything else, I love her ult. But I also hate her, and before you ask why, I’ll make my case.

I hate what this fandom and Blizzard have done to her. I fucking hate it. There’s nothing that could get me to hate you more, or shut you out of my life more than saying you think the ‘gaming gremlin’ thing is funny. Because that shit’s disrespectful. It attacks D.Va’s character and it attacks gamers and it attacks 19-year-olds and the case they make? “It’s funny. It’s just a joke.” No. Shut the fuck up. That shit hurts. You don’t know how hurtful it is. You don’t know how hurtful it is to be disrespected like that. And that’s why Blood in the Water is the way it is because I know that shit and it fucking hurts.

The only thing I could possible hate more than that is infantilizing her. Is lowering to such a standard where she’s nothing more than a child in a catsuit. There is nothing more disrespectful than taking her character— a soldier, a war hero, a celebrity, and a survivor— and thinking: “She’s just a child!” Fuck you. She’s nineteen. She’s every bit an adult as the rest of them. She has seen war and she has seen death. People she loved have died. Her home was destroyed, but that doesn't matter to the fandom, does it? They take her and degrade her into nothing more than Jack Fucking Morrison’s “baby girl” and there’s nothing that makes me angrier. Write stories about her and her PTSD. Write stories about her and the imminent guilt that comes with being a commander in a war. Write stories about her coping with the weight of a country on her shoulders. But I swear to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, don’t write stories about her being nothing more than a fucking Dorito imp. Because I see enough of that shit in her tag already.

Orisa - I mean, I don’t really have enough information to come to a solid conclusion about Orisa, but I can go with some basics. Her gameplay is a little dull— it copies off of way too many preexisting characters. Her design is fucking brilliant, but her skill set is almost as dull as Soldier: 76’s. Despite that, I actually like her quite a bit— she’s the Baymax of Overwatch, and Efi’s the Hiro. I’d let this centaur robocop lady hold me any day.

Reinhardt - I love sad grandpa who just wants to support everyone in whatever they do. He’s such a pure and wholesome character. Even if you don’t believe in yourself, you can bet your ass he’ll pick you up off the ground and help you the rest of the way. He cares so deeply about his comrades, and I think that’s what makes him such a lovable character. He just cares so deeply, even about people he doesn’t know too well. Love this grandpa. Also, did I hear dad figure to Mercy because you bet your ass I headcanon that shit.

Roadhog - I often forget he’s a character until I get hooked through 16 walls, the multiverse, and my entire team. It’s a fucking adventure.

Winston - He’s trying his best to lead Overwatch but I don’t think he’s cut out for it. And honestly, his character is really bizarre in a way that I don’t even know how to react to it. He’s a genetically modified gorilla from the fuck shitting moon, not to mention he can talk and his only friend is an unbelievable mom-like voice on a futuristic iPad. He’s like McCree in that he’s extra, but it isn’t even funny with him. It’s just plain weird.

Zarya - Zarya, I feel, is the most underrated in Overwatch’s roster. You don’t see any stories delving into her, you don’t see lore in her favor. She has few character interactions (but the ones she has are, by far, amazing). I would love to see more work of her, just because she’s such a likable character (come on, that pink hair just takes the cake). Maybe, someday, I’ll get around to writing her more because writing her is fun as all hell. I just want her to hold me in those big, strong arms of hers and make my depression and anxiety back the fuck off. Holy damn. She’s like the cool older sister that everybody needs.

Ana - Honestly, I’m actually kind of bitter about Ana. I can’t forgive what she did to Pharah. I don’t understand why or how she could bring herself to do that. But I believe that, more than any other character, she has the potential to make amends. You can tell, in the dialogue they have, the backstory they could potentially share, that they want to make amends, but it’ll be hard because who can blame Pharah for being bitter? Ana understands. In fact, she probably thinks she deserves it herself. I can’t imagine how guilty she would feel, how much she would worry that after so long, her only daughter might not want anything to do with her anymore, but she’ll try because she refuses not to make amends before her time comes. And, in time, things will ease into the way it should have been all along, and all she can think of is how lucky she is to have such a daughter.

Lúcio - This boy. He believes in you. The most supportive support to ever support. But his story isn’t that deep. His character is shallow in a way I can’t interest myself in. Like, sweet prince, I love you, but you aren’t really all that important to me. But I will always do my best to protect this boy.

Mercy - You know, when I got this game, I told myself I wouldn’t become a Mercy main. I told myself that because I’d read how hard and unrewarding it was. But now, with somewhere close to 85 hours clocked into her, I can only laugh at myself. And really, it is unrewarding. You gain nothing from playing her. It’s hard and it’s stressful and it makes you bitter and there just… isn't an upside. But I’ll keep playing her because if I’m good at being stressed and bitter and exhausted. My friends jokingly call me the ‘Unsupportive Support’ and really, that’s what Mercy is in-game. But no matter how unrewarding it is, I swear to god, there is NO BETTER feeling than watching your teammates all getting sucked into a graviton surge, knowing they’re going to die, and looking down and seeing that you have rez. There’s no better feeling than gliding in there and watching that 5x appear on your screen and this grin spreads across your face because you know, and the enemy team that failed to kill you knows they’ve fucked up big time. NO BETTER FEELING than a five-man rez.

But in terms of lore, personality, and interaction, she’s actually really interesting and fun to write just because I can relate to her so heavily. There’s no way she sleeps on a normal schedule. There’s no way she’s all sunshine and rainbows and pretty pearly smiles. There’s no way she’s anything other than exhausted all the time, kept awake only by heavy overdoses of caffeine. Like, the so obviously hypocritical factor about her is such a likable work. She makes sure everyone else keeps their health in check and then neglects her own. It makes her feel like such a human character. And her interactions? Some of the best in the game (namely with Pharah because that is the good shit). I love Mercy. Second favorite character, and by far the most relatable.

Symmetra - And here she is, the most ignored, underplayed character in the game. She has like, a grand total of ONE character interaction. And what’s worse is that she’s such an interesting character? Her internal conflict of work vs ethic is such a cool concept, and yet we don’t see anything of it. We just have to speculate. Does she regret what she’s done? Is she aware of the wrongness of it? Her comic didn’t help settle anything other than clarify that, at heart, she really is a good person. She really is just trying to make the world a better place, but the interesting thing is that she doesn’t know, perhaps, that what she’s doing with Vishkar isn’t good. It’s hurting more people than it helps. Her character has so much potential for grown, not that Blizzard will ever delve into it. She has potential to realize what she’s done and it’s not in her to wallow in it, but to do what she can to make it better. Which is why, I think, she joined Overwatch. That’s the thing about Blizzard— their little eggshell biographies don’t show the true intents of the characters, it doesn’t show their scars or their morals. And that’s what Satya needs most— her morals have been twisted from the beginning, her scars covered in invisible ink. Her life, all she knows, has been a lie, and when she realizes that, it’ll be a shitshow.

Also, that death noodle. It melts so fast. Why isn’t she played more? Who needs Reaper as a tankbuster when you could have Symmetra?

Zenyatta - Zenyatta is cool, but I think everyone always overlooks the fact that he’s only 20 years old? Like yeah he’s a monk but if you’ve seen 20 year olds they ain’t exactly saints. Let Zenyatta wear hoodies. Let Zenyatta make off-kilter jokes that no one expects because, well, its Zenyatta. He’s the universal vent-station and resident therapist of Overwatch, but let Zenny have some quirks, too. Writing him is super fun though because it’s just like ‘if I wasn’t constantly having an existential crisis what would I be like?’

[poundfooolish]

So I think I just found my favorite fucking assassin in US History:

The assassination of Abraham Lincoln was deemed a fluke due to the Civil War, and Garfield, like most people, saw no reason why the president should be guarded; Garfield's movements and plans were often printed in the newspapers. Guiteau knew the president would leave Washington for cooler climes on July 2, and made plans to kill him before then. He purchased a gun he thought would look good in a museum, and followed Garfield several times, but each time his plans were frustrated, or he lost his nerve. His opportunities dwindled to one—Garfield's departure by train for New Jersey on the morning of July 2, 1881.

Like. God fucking bless.

He inherited $1,000 from his grandfather as a young man and went to Ann Arbor, Michigan, in order to attend the University of Michigan. Due to inadequate academic preparation, he failed the entrance examinations. Despite cramming in French and algebra at Ann Arbor High School, during which time he received numerous letters from his father concerning his progress, he quit, and in June 1860 joined the utopian religious sect the Oneida Community, in Oneida, New York, with which Guiteau's father already had close affiliations.

Despite the "group marriage" aspects of that sect, he was generally rejected during his five years there, and was nicknamed "Charles Gitout". He left the community twice.

Wait, I’d actually heard of Charles Gitout, I didn’t realize this was the same guy HOLY SHIT. IMAGINE GETTING KICKED OUT OF THE ORGY CULT. Shit this is even the cult that’s all about group shaming, imagine being not only rejected from the orgy cult but having to be the guy no one likes in the orgy cult during the weekly shame-offs. No wonder he left twice.

Guiteau then obtained a law license in Chicago, based on an extremely casual bar exam. He was not successful. He argued only one case in court, the bulk of his business being in bill collecting. [..]

He next turned to theology. He published a book on the subject called The Truth which was almost entirely plagiarized from the work of Noyes. He wandered from town to town lecturing to any and all who would listen to his religious ramblings [...]

On June 11, 1880, he was a passenger on the SS Stonington when it collided with the SS Narragansett at night in heavy fog. The Stonington was able to return to port, but the Narragansett burned to the waterline and sank, with significant loss of life. Although none of his fellow passengers on the Stonington were injured, the incident left Guiteau believing that he had been spared for a higher purpose.

IMAGINE BEING SO EGOTISTICAL THAT BEING ON A SHIP WITH A 100% SURVIVAL RATE MAKES YOU THINK GOD SPARED YOU SPECIFICALLY FOR A HIGHER PURPOSE

His personal requests to Garfield and to cabinet members as one of many job seekers who lined up every day were continually rejected; on May 14, 1881, he was finally told never to return by Secretary of State James G. Blaine.

I mean. I can’t fucking blame you Blaine. This man was such a collossal failure holy shit. 

Borrowing $15 from a Mr. Maynard, Guiteau went out to purchase a revolver.

HE DIDN’T EVEN BUY IT HIMSELF HE HAD TO BORROW MONEY SO HE COULD KILL A MAN OH MY GOD

 He knew little about firearms, but did know that he would need a large caliber gun. He had to choose between a .442 Webley caliber British Bulldog revolver with wooden grips or one with ivory grips. He chose the one with the ivory handle because he wanted it to look good as a museum exhibit after the assassination.

I don’t know whether this is “extra” or prudence I mean he has a fucking point BUT STILL

Though he could not afford the extra dollar, the store owner dropped the price for him. He spent the next few weeks in target practice – the kick from the revolver almost knocked him over the first time – and stalking Garfield. The revolver was recovered after the assassination, and even photographed by the Smithsonian in the early 20th century, but it has since been lost. 

HOLY SHIT, HE LITERALLY ONLY EVER DID 1 THING RIGHT IN HIS WHOLE LIFE, EVEN HIS CAREFUL ATTEMPT AT MAKING A GOOD MUSEUM DISPLAY FUCKING FAILED. I’m just. So in awe at the concentrated failure here. 

Guiteau became something of a media sensation during his entire trial for his bizarre behavior, which included him frequently cursing and insulting the judge, most of the witnesses, the prosecution, and even his defense team, as well as formatting his testimony in epic poems which he recited at length, and soliciting legal advice from random spectators in the audience via passed notes. He dictated an autobiography to the New York Herald, ending it with a personal ad for "a nice Christian lady under 30 years of age". He was oblivious to the American public's hatred of him, even after he was almost assassinated twice himself. He frequently smiled and waved at spectators and reporters in and out of the courtroom, seemingly happy to be the center of attention for once in his life.

Guiteau attempted to convince President Chester A. Arthur to set him free through a letter as he had just increased Arthur's salary by making him president.  At one point, Guiteau argued before Judge Cox that President Garfield was killed not by the bullets but by medical malpractice ("The doctors killed Garfield, I just shot him").

MY DUDE WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU DOING, though actually apparently some historians do believe that Garfield would have survived if the doctors had practiced any sort of sterilization, but that didn’t come for another 10 odd years.

While being led to his execution, Guiteau was said to have continued to smile and wave at spectators and reporters, happy to be at the center of attention to the very end. He notoriously danced his way to the gallows and shook hands with his executioner. On the scaffold, as a last request, he recited a poem called I am Going to the Lordy, which he had written during his incarceration. He had originally requested an orchestra to play as he sang his poem, but this request was denied.

Extra to the FUCKING END, I looked up the poem and:

After "stubbing his toe on the way to the gallows", as he put it to the executioner, Guiteau read Matthew 14:28-32 and announced that he would now read a prayer of his own composition. After paraphrasing Matthew 18:3, Guiteau proceeded to read the poem from a piece of paper in a style described as both "sad and doleful" as well as "high pitched" and "childlike". Guiteau had requested an orchestra to play behind him as he recited his poem, but his request was denied. After completing the first verse in song, Guiteau stopped singing and chanted the rest. Multiple times during the reading, Guiteau's voice would fail and he would begin sobbing, even stopping to lay his head on the shoulder of a man standing by him. Right before the completion of the poem, Guiteau raised his voice even higher into falsetto to deliver the final two lines. As the executioner fitted the hood over Guiteau's head and put the rope around his neck, he held onto the piece of paper on which he had written his poem. As per request with the executioner, Guiteau signaled that he was ready to die by dropping the paper.

This man... holy shit this man... literally to the fucking end

Upon his autopsy it was discovered that Guiteau had the condition known as phimosis, an inability to retract the foreskin, which at the time was thought to have caused insanity that led him to assassinate Garfield.

God I love old-timey medecine. That’s absolutely it you mad motherfuckers, he was driven mad by foreskin.

I fucking. Love. History.

[pr-pr]

Long suicidal rant.

Clickbait? Yes, unapologetically so. Just for that fractional chance that someone would give a damn even though this post is super useless and shitty and pointless, like me.  

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So I remember high school very differently from one of my best friends. He said something I thought I’d never hear, that I was always happy. I guess I was happy around him. He was and is a happy person—the most stable person I know, in fact. We just talked a lot, and we got to talk about a lot of things and still do. Still, I remember high school so differently. We hung out during break times when I’d fawn over a crush, chat, or just chill. Or sometimes we’d cut classes together and just chat. Or go for a jog and end up just eating ice cream.

I remembered high school differently. I remember coming home from senior prom and hysterically crying myself to sleep because I’d failed to make one romantic connection the whole four years and it made me feel ugly and unloveable to the bone. Prom simply wasn’t special for people like me—ones who didn’t star in the romcom, random background extras, a snippet in the burn book. I remember going home and hating school so much I felt suicidal every night. I remember writing a short story about killing myself with shrimps and ascorbic acid—I was a nerdy kid. I remember diagnosing myself bipolar because of the experience. I remember being bullied and just sticking to my diaries. I remember failing at math no matter how hard I tried. I remember begging my parents to put me into a different school.

Of course, I also remember finding ways to cut classes so I can paint and debate the whole day—two of my favorite things to do. I also remember the great times with friends and hiding behind a pillar just so we don’t go through another boring class. I remember the laughs, the platters of instant noodles, the spots I’d linger at to see my crush. I remember it all.

I think of high school and I feel so many things colliding, so many colors bursting. All my memories are like so. And my friends tend to remember them differently. I was this, I was that. I was bubbly, I was friendly—but inside I was battling with social anxiety. They don’t know about how many hours I battled in the morning just to get up, just NOT to give up entirely. There were days I hated my friends because I just didn’t want to wake up and meet them—I just wanted to die instead.

I forget that people don’t actually hear my thoughts out loud. If they did, they’d be so turned off. I’m just such a party pooper inside. I’m always scared, always just wanting to fucking die. It began when I was four—that feeling that everything would be better off with my disappearance. My inability to carry on a suicide plan, really, up to this day, I consider a weakness, a form of indecisiveness, lackluster ambivalence.

I’ve had many dreams, of which dying has been the only consistent one. This doesn’t mean that people see me as emo, gothic or always wearing black. Far from it. I dress in rainbows. My favorite color has always been yellow. Specifically egg yolk yellow, Mercedes de Brazo yellow or that yellow dress I had as a child with the corset back I stopped wearing once it freaked out my mom because I had sleep walked in it.

No, I’m actually quite the party with the people I trust. I get it going. Ask around, you’ll see. It’s called hypomania after all. Still, it all crashes. It always does in a ball of flames and I get lonely again. I feel like a fucking freak again.

And I’m sooooo tired. I’m so tired of all this cycling. People don’t actually see me at my worst. Only my mom and sister do. They don’t see me when I just can’t fucking move. They don’t see me when I have panic attacks. They don’t see me when I descend and break down. They don’t see me starving for days. They don’t see me crying uncontrollably. They don’t see me curl up in a ball. They don’t see me shaking and twitching in a corner. They don’t see me when I bang my head on the wall or start hitting myself. They don’t see me when it hurts and I feel my brain is on fire. They don’t see me when I’m all alone and everyone is asleep and I’m still typing all this shit out trying to make sense of something, trying to find a reason to stay alive.

It’s so fucking hard. Sorry for the French. Sorry ma. Sorry God. Sorry! But life feels like torture right now. I’m just so tired and everything is forcing me to move like I’ve caught my foot on a roller coaster.

Life can be good. Of course. Life can be so fucking good. Especially when I’m in love. But life right now is hell for me. I’m doing stuff I love, sure, but fucking shit! Motherfucking  goats on a ladder, monkey fucking balls, jizz dripping dick, shit show. I’m fucking lonely as fuck. I feel like I’m on an island away from civilization. If I want to be cute about it, I feel like I’m stuck in a tower with fucking guard dragons named Penniless and Insanity.

Life feels like hell for me. I’m fucking burning and I just won’t die. Sure, hell is much worse, but fucking shit, you haven’t been in my head. God! Why? I just feel so fucking frustrated. Is there no way out?

I’m writing my shit, right? Just fucking finish this shit so I can pass it to Palanca which I won’t win anyway. I’m not getting my hopes up. But I want to finish it for the sake of finishing it. I know it’s not much. It’s just about time and unrequited love after all. There’s tons of other stuff like it. Still, STILL. I just want the satisfaction of finishing something. Having some sort of closure. BUT IT JUST WON’T END. I have the middle and end, but there’s that chunk, that problem solving part that just won’t come. You know why? Because I’m trying to write the solution to a problem I currently have no answer to. I’m asking questions I don’t know the answer to. It’s high school all over again, reading the same math problem over and over again and still having no fucking clue, that i wind up fucking crying. 

How do I cope with rejection? How do I become a better me? How do I be independent? Can i just insert “to be continued” in the middle of a screenplay?

Maybe my shrink knows the answer. I haven’t seen her in a while. Honestly, because I can’t fucking afford her like I can’t fucking afford meeting people right now even with isolation fucking driving me fucking mad.

Questions to ask my shrink:

What am I supposed to do when I’m suicidal?

Some people think I’m always happy, should I correct them?

How to not be a party pooper when telling people I’m fucking crazy?

 I think I might have over skinned my lips. Fucking burns. 

This feels just so dumb. Writing this shit down. No one’s ever going to read it. No one’s ever going to understand me. All my life has been about trying to make people understand just so I can feel a little fucking less lonely. Nothing’s changed. People don’t know me. I’m either sunshine or a storm cloud.

Sometimes I wish I could chop off my legs so people could see why I can’t run, walk or just stand. Like yeah. At least now they can see. It’s not like I want a pity party. I don’t. But I want to be understood. I want someone who gets it.

I wish I could treat this. I wish meds will make this go away. But it’ll just manage it. And when I get rid of the deepest blues, I get rid of the brightest yellows and I’ll just have nothing to live for anyway. How the fuck do I live?

I constantly feel fucking worthless and useless. I know it’s the disorder, but it’s not like I can get rid of the disorder. It might as well be an organ on its own really.

I just want to die so badly. I’ve just just had enough. My head’s hurt for what, how many decades now? It just burns and aches and vibrates and spreads throughout my body and nobody understands. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be scared.

The paranoia doesn’t help. Yeah, you can say it’s kept me alive, the whole panoptical life caused by years of trauma of mom reading my diaries, notes, letters, and text messages. Fucking motherfucking shit. It’s kept me alive in a way. I don’t do drugs, sex and very seldom drabble in legal potent substances. I very seldom lie. I can’t even leave the house without telling my mom. I’m “good” because I just live in constant fear of myself. I feel like everything is a gateway for worse things. I can’t let go. I can’t breathe. I wish I could just be.

I wish I could just breathe. I wish the pain would stop. I wish someone would get it. I wish I was worth it. I wish people believed in me. I wish he never had to leave me. I wish he loved me back. I wish my dad wasn’t an asshole. I wish my dad just loved my family. I wish my mom was ok. I wish I wasn’t so traumatized. I wish I could travel. I wish, I wish, I wish. We can’t have everything we want now.

Look, I have a lot. I got a great education. I got good grades even. I got an okay face. Mom says I’m too pretty, but she’s my mom, of course she’d say that. My mom also says my ass is wide but not big—which is bad because I don’t do enough exercise.

Fuck.

I have a lot to be grateful about. I can write—though no one fucking reads me. I can paint—there’s a giant blank canvass upstairs but no fucking paint (for weeks I SOUGHT). I can cook—as much as the next internet aficionado with taste buds. I can…

I can die.

The thought soothes me. Comforts me. I’ve told my doctor many times before but drowned it out with jokes and I’m okays. She counter checks with my mom who still wishes that all this was controllable, was just imagined. Can’t blame her. I, too, wish this was just a nightmare I could wake up from.

Pinch. No! Haha!

It’s reality. I’m suicidal and I don’t know what I can do about it. It’s not like I’m actively trying. I’m just always considering how much better it would be on the other side. I keep thinking about overdosing on chocolate or eating too much fatty stuff that liver cirrhosis occurs. I keep thinking of finishing something great, an obra maestra, then just jumping off a building or some shit. Anything really. I don’t know.

Sometimes, it scares me, up close. Like that heart attack scare, I thought I wanted to live. But wanting to live is such a fleeting thing. What is more constant, what nags at my brain everyday is what if, what if!!! WHAT IF THIS ALL JUST ENDS.

Maybe this is just a call for attention. But I’m sort of tired of the attention too. I’m so tired of telling people how miserable I am and them filing it in a folder under my name. “Jasper, sap.” “Jasper, toxic.” I’m tired of wearing people thin. If I die, it’ll be like pulling off a band aid, really. Quick. Not like this. A long torturous whine. My existence is like the nails on the chalkboard.

I scratched the blackboard once or twice and it caught my crush’s attention. I kinda enjoyed it. Few times I existed in his orbit, even if it was in the world’s most annoying form. Gold.

This is why my humor is dark. It’s the only way I fucking survive. Laughing at myself. At the in-credulousness of it all. Of existing in spite. Of living through pain for nothing. Ha! Pathetic! To detach myself from myself, so I can look from above and laugh at me as I trip on my own fucking feet—my reason for living.

I’m hilarious. How I blunder through life. How I almost got suspended once because some girls gossiped about my armpit hair. How I fell in love with a man who felt absolutely nothing for me. You know why I fell for him? Because I’d never felt so loved before. Ha! Amazing. Just hilarious.

I don’t want your pity. I don’t even want you to fucking worry. I’m not going to kill myself. I don’t need you to tell me that I don’t seem crazy. Telling me that makes me feel like I just imagined my whole diagnosis you know, and that my brand of fucked up is way beyond medical science. I just want to be underfuckingstood.

Is that so hard?

I didn’t know that a movie about aliens was going to be the movie of my life. I’ve never felt so understood until the movie Arrival, it’s hilarious. I feel like I’m just talking alien and the only solution to my problem is to write a book in the future about it. Fucking shit. I experience life, also, I realized like an alien. Always experiencing everything in the context of the future and past. Everything to me is in medias res. I don’t understand linearity. That’s why I’m always lost. Left and right is a circle to me. Everything is so fucking nonlinear my brain is constantly overwhelmed. Am I happy? Am I sad? I don’t know. Hence my trademark HUHUHAHA/HAHAHUHU. Sort of sounds like a monkey.

WHINE WHINE WHINE

Who the fuck will ever read this shit.  NO fucking one.

My whole life I dedicated to be understood--my whole college thesis all about it. In the words of Ursula: Pathetic.

I remember in fourth grade was it? Yeah, probably. I used abstract art to tell my dad that I knew his deepest darkest secret and he was the asshole of my life. Of course he didn’t get it. I abstracted it for a reason.

Life is like a knot. I don’t know where it ends or begins—all I see is that it’s a tangle I can’t solve.

I’m so fucking needy.

I know the answer isn’t love. Pop culture would tell you it is. It’s not. But what if medication doesn’t help? HOPELESS FuCKiNG SHIT.

One day, I ask the wind, the farts I make when everyone is asleep, will I grow thin? Will I just snap? Will I just finally have enough? Will the guilt of leaving my family behind finally be secondary to my suffering?

Someone has it worse—they say. I just don’t like that saying. Like fuck that shit. FUCK THAT SHIT. Someone always has it worse, doesn’t cancel out the fucking chronic pain of my life. Now I have to feel guilty for feeling bad on top of feeling guilty for being alive? FUCK THAT SHIT.

I can’t sleep. It’s been 5 fucking pages. It’s 3 am.

I used to arrive with sappy you can do its. I don’t think I will this time.

Cheers to one day dying. Cheers to death that comes to all. Cheers to death the great equalizer. Cheers to death, my brain’s last hope for a silencer.