#istillmisshim

[aestheticalyyours]

joaquin desantos aesthetic because yes and becuase i’m still mad that he died.

[iamjessemartinz]

"AN EVENING WITH @PRINCE" THIS POST BY @NIKWESTBASS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, I HAD TO SHARE IT AGAIN! Prince, This particular day in February 2016, I was supposed to meet you near the elevator for a surprise. I walked to the elevator, you came out of your room, saw what I was wearing, and said "I've got to go change now!!" We walked to your room and I ate every strawberry and mango you had in there lol! As we sat in your hotel room, we ate (I showed you a cool Ethiopian way to eat rice wrapped in bread) so much food. We listened to the playback of one of your live #pianoandamicrophone shows #ThyWillBeDone and you loved it so much, you asked me to film this little clip as you set up the scene. You took the cane off your bed brought it to the kitchen and laid it on the counter...you took off your beanie and placed it strategically. You stood behind me and directed my phone in the way you wanted it recorded. I watch this now and I feel your presence and I can smell the jasmine candles. You went to change into something that matched me, (I can see our outfits now...maroon and gold) you fluffed your fro, and we went out. The next day we listened to some more music and talked about a plan we put together for the summer then we spent the whole night watching the movie #InsideOut.... Lol Again! I think of you today and I am sad but the words in this song bring me joy! And somehow you knew it would someday. This is how you cry tears of sadness and joy at the same time. • • #NothingCompares2U #Prince #Love #Art #IJustWannaKnowYourNameAndMaybeSometimeWeCanHookUpHangOutJustChill #IStillMissHim #Prince4Ever https://www.instagram.com/p/B9k89izltwD/?igshid=1coeybq62d025

[theinfamouslevi]

The #facehegave when you called #rudiger a #goodboy. It's been #10months and #istillmisshim. But now I'm not #afraid to think of him anymore. #oneofthegoodones #endbsl #rip #doggo #dogsofinsta #dogsofinstagram (at Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9XWC8JAdX-/?igshid=vw2yg856mkva

[jillilama-blog]

#Prince #PrinceRogersNelson #MrNelson #HappyBirthdayPrince #HappyBirthday #ThePurpleOne #PurpleArmy #TheBeautifulOne #IStillMissHim #GuitarKing #GuitarGod #Genius #Activist #June7 #June7th1958 https://www.instagram.com/p/ByarnGxFl0c/?igshid=1uzidlahaj89z

[ppeanutt]

#happybirthday #chrisledoux #istillmisshim https://www.instagram.com/p/CF3C0tYFsYl/?igshid=1ho4s8rwxx5qu

[takinginair]

Suicide Contagion

Suicide contagion is when one person is so emotional from the loss of another person’s suicide, that they also commit suicide.The effect can be from suddenly losing someone very close like a best friend or family member, to losing a beloved popular figure, like Robin Williams. In either case, the likely-hood of a person taking their own life due to a loved one’s suicide, increases by 67%. Not a small increase.                                                 

Another large statistic finds that an estimated 48 and 500 million people every year, deeply grieve for a person that kills themself. This number, while it clearly has a huge margin, isn’t totally shocking considering about 1 million people are successful at killing themselves every year (not including the attempts that aren’t successful). 

So essentially, every year 1 million people take their own life and 48-500 million people are 67% more likely to take their own life due to grief.

*Statistics attained from:   http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(14)70224-X/fulltext

I completely understand why suicide risk is increased after losing someone special to a suicide, this is why:

Personally,  I think this is so because of plain old grief. My pain is so deep, I want to cut myself to feel physical pain to distract my heart. There is a ache that I feel in my mind, my heart, my bones and all my cells, and I don’t see an end to that pain, in sight. Death sounds like a sweet refuge from this life that has no light.

For me, Diogo’s absence is enough to make me want to leave this world. where I once saw miles of vast lands cleared for possibilities; I now see a vacant wasteland of nothingness. I see nothing but a hole that will never be filled. Diogo wrote in his note that he lost his “why,” and now he’s gone and I’ve lost my “why” too.

When you lose someone significant, it’s like losing a fallen hero. It’s common to think that if they can’t make it in life (and they are way more amazing than I could ever be), then I can’t make it and I should give up now. Diogo studied science, society, religion and peace. He knew everything to me, and clearly he must have known something that I don’t, which is why he took his life; and maybe ending my life now is the best option. 

Not to mention the guilt. I feel like I am partly responsible for his death. I should have, could have, did, didn’t do something that I thought about doing. I could have made a difference and shown him a window where he saw only stark walls. Diogo always said this world is illusions and I could have shown him a different illusion that could have made him decide to stay with us. I feel guilt beyond measure and ending the guilt sounds like a sweet dream.

All of these feelings make me 67% more likely to take my life, statistically speaking. But if you look at just me, and don’t throw me in with all the other people in the world, I’m sure my possibility is much higher. How would I do it? I don’t know, I give it no thought; I don’t want to do anything that is out of the natural order. I just lay in bed at night and wish I would naturally bleed out. Why, you may ask? Because I have so much pain that I wish I could drain my body of ever ounce of grief, guilt, pain, confusion, frustration and self-pity. 

I think about this in secret. I don’t talk about it, I deny it, I bury it in a corner and like a split personality I talk about suicide like it’s so far from me, not accessing the place I can relate to it. In this way, I am exactly like him. He did this every day, with most people. He carried this buried idea almost living a double life for 12 years. Living happily, living life to the fullest, discussing politics, posterity, naming our babies, and yet all along he knew it would end his way.  He was pretending, and now I am pretending too. 

[mzjewele]

Today officially marks Pop's one year death anniversary and still thinking about him everyday and how I should have been a better daughter and whatnot...but regardless I knew he always loved and cherished me as his forever baby... #RIPDad #ForeverDaddysGirl #IStillMissHim https://www.instagram.com/p/B0_J0BBh0rJ/?igshid=gcoc1ra6me3i

[suburbiawilleatmealive]

This is my grandad. He looks like he could kill you with the spoon if you looked at him the wrong way. He had siberian cold eyes that he didn't need to say a thing for you to know you misbehaving. And yes, he also dressed like a mafia Don on vacations in Calabria. He lived 20 years in silence - mouth cancer - he had the beginning of parkinsons and he suffered sixth strokes in his lifetime. On the fifth, he was rushed into the hospital, doctor said it was a migrane, he came back home and did his normal routine like nothing had happenrd, next day, he had the sixth and instead of dying, he pretty much just said "fuck you, god" and hanged onto his life... 24 hours later, he was dead. I never said goodbye. He had a dark sense humor - how could he not after he endured so much - he would pick me up from school everyday, even if the cancer and the strokes and pretty much made him walk extremly slowly. He would refuse help, he had pretty much the dignity of a king. He would take me to the park, he would watch movies with me, he showed music that I still love - jazz. It was, for better or worse, the day my childhood died and I actually had to be my dad's support. It was the day the rebellion of my teenage years ended, I studied to get into uni, which I did. I never cried, not even on his memorial or funeral, where I made people laugh with dark and twisted jokes, just how he liked them. He was my hero and he still his. Sure, he might had the love for the bottle and the cigarettes, but he never missed a day at work - he worked at the airport, for some reason I don't like being in airports - and provided food to the table and money to household. He would abdicate things for him, so that his four kids could be someone. It's been ten years and I never got to say goodbye. #grandad #tenyears #themanofmylife #Istillmisshim #myonlyregret

[iclaralan]

Your drunk insults made me want to stay in the shower all night , as if boiling water could wash away the mess my bleeding heart made after you left

[tryyyyying]

"I hope you'll be happy with her, I hope she doesn't play you like I did. I wish you asked me the right questions, I wish your eyes didn't pull me in. I hope this will fade, I hope you at least say goodbye."

It ended on a weird note

1:51am

[dkincade]

Today is the end of the #wygriefphoto prompts and the word for today is future. So much about the future seems out of reach. I’ve lost the person I was before Evan’s death. I’m trying to do some things to help me re-group. I’m trying to find the voice that this tragedy has taken and given me. I’m looking for my place and processing information. I thought my future would hold something different then what it now does. So I look to the future as I process who I am and who I will be in light of my loss. I’ve met some precious mommas during this photo a day challenge. #day31 #future #wygriefphoto #challenge #wygrief #grief #istillmisshim #dawnkincadephotography (at The Palisades Country Club) https://www.instagram.com/p/BnKx5NKnC1z/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9a0yda33zdqg

[zhengxiaoyanla]

1/1/2020

I just noticed that today is the first day of 2020. Time or holidays mean nothing to me since we apart. Is it sounds negative? I’m sorry to be so negative but I don’t want to lie.

Is it still any way? Is it still any chance for me to be happy again?

#istillmisshim #babeistillloveyou #ihopeyouaredoinhwell #iwishyoumissmesometimes #ireallyloveyoudeeplywithmywholeheart #boondech #sadayuxx

[jillilama-blog]

Ok! Let me explain WHY my husband is better than yours! Don't argue, I'll fight you. Pull up!You not about this life and you surely don't want smoke. 💨 15 years ago I sold some of my Prince CDs, tapes, memorabilia, etc cause I thought I was putting his importance over God. Long story short, I wasn't, but back in the day when I felt real passionate about something I just went with it. Well, I've been trying to recover those items and I of them was 'Crystal Ball.' Prince fans know its hard to find and if you do its hundreds of dollars. Well, my hubby @thebigmoviehouse found it. In fact, I believe this is the same copy I sold 15 years ago due to the crack in the case and some identifying marks. I feel so overwhelmed with emotion that I don't even know what to do with myself. Thank you hubs, Bubba, my chicken nugget not just what you do for me BUT for who you are. You are the best person I know. I love you!❤️🥰😘🤗👄💯💥🔥 #myhusband #chickennugget #thebigmoviehouse #myhusbandisbetterthanyours #donteven #hesgreat #ilovehim #crystalball #Prince #PrinceRogersNelson #MrNelson #ThePurpleOne #PurpleArmy #TheBeautifulOne #HisRoyalBadness #IStillMissHim #GuitarKing #GuitarGod #Genius #Activist #June7 #June7th1958 https://www.instagram.com/p/CBL9jI-pbg2/?igshid=xrjluls5lvz8

[takinginair]

Being Beaten Better

Sometimes there is no feeling better. There is no answer to the considerate question of, “What can I do to make you feel better?” because I can’t feel better...at all. 

I wish I could tell my family and friends how to help me. I wish I could gain wisdom over night and help them through this hard time of watching me suffer. Correction, their suffering due to my suffering. They lost Diogo too, they feel his loss also, and they wanted us to have a future together, as well. Not to mention living with me in this state is as foreign to them as it is to me. At this point we are the blind leading the mute, blind and paralyzed. 

Please forgive the following analogies, as they are very harsh; but they convey the harsh reality that I’m trying to bandage daily. Can you advise a child on how to be abused better? Can one influence their torture better? No. Somethings in life can’t be made better. Some situations are pure torture and there is no optimism in those moments. 

Tragedy and shock are to be endured, there aren’t any solutions for it. The only thing that anyone can do for me, is be there. Having people around me, not in lively settings but people to talk to and sit with me is all I need, and I know how hard that is. 

My blogs are depressing, my life is in a rough spot and my mind is drowning in self hatred and confusion; not really a good start to a dating profile. But this is where I am, I wish on every single star that has ever existed that I wasn’t in this place, but here I sit and if anyone is able to endure this darkness with me, I would be so grateful. 

There is no light in this tunnel, for now. Light comes in the future. Like sand in an hourglass, solutions and possibilities trickle in with time; perspective and distance from the pain are the healers and there isn’t a human on Earth that has the capability to provide that. 

There may be light tomorrow, but today it’s dark. There may be relief tomorrow, but today I’m tied to a chair waiting for the next blow. There is always hope, but that has no bearing on the present. My loved ones are my witnesses and my blankets of comfort, and that is the best role they can have. 

[tryyyyying]

I just wish one last time letting our mouths become composers let our fingers become the strings let our bodies become the stage

Excerpt from a poem I'm never going to publish