#it all plagues us why i can just replay the song in my head completely HELPPPPPP

[isjasz]

Every time I look at Scar reds life skin I am plagued by "white streak in my hair but no stress now" and my body recoils.

WHITE STREAKS IN MY HAIR BUT NO STRESS NOW TRADE OFF THAT GUYS LOOKING LIKE A MESS NOW DRIVING OFF THE TRACKS BUT IM BACK AND IVE SEEN HELL BUT THIS IS A BIT MORE MY STYL- [GUNSHOT]

[eureka-its-zico]

Irrevocably Yours Pt. 2

Part 1 

Request: hey! can i request a scenario of jungkook being a rich kid who has some of his legs is leg failure , basically can't walk without a cane , And he falls in love with a normal girl , and they end up running away , happy ending plz , also if u can , LIT IT Up with smut ' thank u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

A/N: So Part 2 is that slow burn build up (with possible cute moments?) and part 3 will be the actual SMUTTY goodness. Hopefully this is something cute and fluffy that is enjoyable and helps progress the story a little more so when a full length next part of a bunch of smut comes it all makes sense. Or idk anymore lol I edited this thing four times and I just really hope you all like it  Please enjoy this wordy mess. I wasn’t sure how to properly write it out the end and yeah...I winged it. If it needs to be fixed lmk please!! As always, I hope you all enjoy. Much love, Jenn

P.s. when I wrote this I listened to Lauv’s “I Like Me Better,” and Pink Sweat$ Feat. Kehlani’s “At My Worst,” on repeat like crazy.

Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 15,496 (I know:it’s a hefty boy)

Genre: Fluffy/Smutty, slow burn, 

The next day at school you weren’t a hundred percent sure what was going to happen. And sure, maybe you did wake up from a dream replaying that moment in the mud. The ending is a little bit different. This time, dream you didn’t let your chance to kiss him go by. When the opportunity presented itself, and you were both looking at one another like before, you’d leaned forward and kissed him. You weren’t surprised to feel him kissing you back. 

You could still feel the ghost of the imagination of him leaning down to press his lips against yours. The way he leaned in; eyes soft with longing as his body leaned deeper in against you. The weight of him pressing you into the mud until you were sure an imprint of this moment would be there forever. This imaginary kiss you’d shared was sweet, chaste, and everything you could’ve hoped for. Deepening at the last second as your alarm blared you back into realty. 

It made you want to ring your hands through your hair in frustration. 

Your whole walk to school was nothing but foggy images of the dream on repeat. A mixture of yesterday’s events accompanied them with each frame until you weren’t sure which was the actual moments or what your head had created. I mean, you did know he didn’t kiss you, but...the look in his eyes. Maybe Jungkook hadn’t, but there was that moment you swore maybe he felt the painful comedic romance moment of it all too. 

All these unanswered what if’s you'd created had built an impossible chasm that seemed to stretch infinitely wider between you in your head. In the end, you were your own bully as your mind stayed up until three that morning playing out every scenario you could think of. Even the ones that ended with you probably reading everything wrong, because what did you know about body language? Or, more specifically, boys built like Jeon Jungkook.

It didn’t matter that you had two tests today and never finished your homework for home period, but what the hell. Nothing like hopelessly daydreaming about the boy who may or may not have flirted with you and harmonized along to songs with a hidden voice of an angel, am I right? And sure, a large part of your night was  spent chastising yourself half the time to remind you there was no way in hell Jungkook could feel that way towards you. Even just a little. Your inner monologue of bringing yourself back down to earth, another culprit in the growing list of reasons why none of your assignments were completed. 

What can you say? You were a mess.

Your only game plan you’d been able to agree on was just to daydream out the window. Writing out your own hapless love story starring the boy who sat across from you in the home room. With a silent plea to the universe that you weren’t called on to answer any questions. 

Your arrival at homeroom was met with barely seconds to spare. The bell rang behind you, and a few other students, as you rushed towards your desk. 

“Hurry, hurry to your seats! Or I’ll write you up as late!”

Mr. Choi was all talk. Everyone knew it and his excessive arm movements to rush every body that passed his desk made him look exactly like a conductor. His crazy movements were enough to distract you for a split second from the one person you were desperate to ignore. 

“Good morning, class. I hope you are all fully rested and awake for class this morning. Let’s have us open our books to page two hundred and forty-two and continue on with our lesson.” 

In unison the sound of backpacks unzipping with students reaching in their backpacks to bring out textbooks filled the class. The only person who didn’t currently have said book was holding his hand up, and seated directly across from you. 

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“Seonsaengnim, I’m sorry. I haven’t received my textbooks yet.”

“Ah, that’s alright, Jungkook. You can go ahead and share with Y/N, again.”

You hoped your face wasn’t giving away the panic you felt rising up to match the blush that was streaking across your cheeks. Jungkook’s hand was already on the leg of your desk. His fingers tips grazing across your knee in passing as his hand wrapped around the bar and used it to bring you closer to him. You kept your eyes glued to page two hundred and forty-three and refused to look in his direction. Jungkook seemed to find a way to remedy this; his hand came into view and grabbed hold of the book corner and slid it over to his side. And as if he was the world’s greatest magician, he now had your attention. 

Your eyes immediately shoot up to acknowledge his presence, instead of staying on the book. You knew that devilish smirk of his would be there to greet you even before you actually saw it. 

“Well, good morning to you too, Y/N.”

His voice practically hummed a tune as he spoke. His eyes heavily searched your face, and you prayed whatever he found wasn’t any lasting signs of rosy cheeks. 

“Good morning, Jungkook. I hope you slept well.”

“I slept very well, thank you.”

“That’s good-“

He cut you off fast, his next words a hush of teasing: “Even though some crazy girl tried to smother me in mud yesterday.” 

Your world narrowed in on his smug position in his chair, but quickly realized he just wanted your attention. The smile he wore softened around the edges as his eyes tried to look away from you and yet found their way back. You did your best to hide your smile and must have failed miserably for his face noticeably brightened. 

“I’m sure if that’s what she was doing - which I doubt - you probably deserved it.” 

Jungkook pretended to be wounded and caused you to practically jump out of your seat when his free hand landed on top of yours. 

“I can’t believe you think I deserve to be smothered,” he pouted. 

You rolled your eyes in a weak attempt to look away from him. Anything to not be swallowed up by how stupidly cute he looked in this exact moment. The fingers that held your pencil lazily tapping on the pages of the math book to bring his focus to something else that wasn’t you. 

“We need to pay attention.”

It was the only valuable excuse you could come up with to look away from him. But who were you kidding? You didn’t have to be looking in Jungkook’s direction to be painfully aware that he was there. His own gaze burned straight through you and left a trail of heat everywhere his eyes seemed to land. 

Right now, you were aware they were on your lips and stirring every emotion from your dream you tried to suppress. Plus, you weren’t being cute. Unless Jungkook found the sight of you chewing your bottom lip into dust attractive. 

It was a terrible nervous habit that seemed to only backfire right this second. You were sure he was ready to make a comment on it. You waited patiently for it to come in between you mindlessly copying equations off the board and the sea of arms flying up to answer whatever it was you’d just written. My gosh, you were trying so damn hard to not pay attention that you were doing nothing but paying attention to him. 

Please don’t let him just see I’m doodling. 

Mr. Choi was in the middle of showing how to work out a long equation when you decided it was safe to give Jungkook a glance. It was instantaneous how quickly you regretted it. 

You jumped back against your seat in a weak attempt to recover some space. You weren’t exactly sure how you’d missed it -missed him- getting so close, but you had. Jungkook’s face was mere inches from yours and it took everything to not show him you weren’t at all bothered. 

“Jungkook,” you whispered fiercely. “What.are.you.doing!”

Jungkook ignored your question. His eyes squinting as they looked around the side of your head. The gesture made you increasingly subconscious until you couldn’t keep your hand from going up to brush alongside it. 

“What? What is it?”

You were expecting the worst. 

“I think I see some mud still stuck inside your ear.”

And like magic your earlier blush reappeared. Your tongue rolled against the bottom of your teeth in a weak attempt to keep yourself from smiling. Unfortunately, you weren’t able to stop it as the urge to give in tugged mercilessly at your lips. The playful glint in his eyes was enough to keep the panic of how incredibly close he still was. Your eyes hopelessly glancing at the pair of lips that plagued your dreams. 

Jungkook noticed. 

And how did you know this, you might ask? 

Jungkook gave it away by the dramatic way his lower lip was drawn in by his teeth. Every movement he made sure was exaggerated and stupidly slow. His eyes watch for your reaction. He didn’t have to wait long; your eyes were glued to them long before his teeth joined the equation. You should’ve felt more embarrassed at your own blunt display - or maybe at his -but, god help you, you weren’t. 

You tore your gaze away from him and did your best to pretend whatever part of the lesson you’d missed was interesting. The dirt on your shoes could’ve been more interesting at this moment; anything to keep you from looking back at him. 

“I rinsed my hair three times in the shower. Thank you very much.” 

“Did you think of me while you were washing yourself clean?”

If what Jungkook was after was seeing your face light up brighter than a tomato he’d succeeded. Your cheeks instantly flushed and felt scolding hot. The only line of defense you could think of to fight the devilish look in his eyes was to give him a smack on his arm. The motion only caused his sinister smile to turn into a full blown grin; a bark of laughter leaving him seconds later. 

Jungkook chuckled out an, “Ouch!” His body leaning back, faux wounded, and rays of sunshine pouring out of him in waves. 

“I meant when you were getting the mud out of your hair.” His voice carried the singing sweetness of his laughter; airy and light. This boy who you did think of in the shower. All hard edges and softness; sour and sweet. Your very own sour patch kid. “I mean, I thought of you when I tried scrubbing it out from behind my ears.”

Your heart gave a brief jump at his omission. What you wished you would’ve focused on was the fact he’d admitted to thinking of you...in his own shower. But nope! Instead, your mind appeared to focus more on the fact it was while he scrubbed at his ears. 

“I scrubbed my ears too.”

Oh. My. God, you inwardly cringed. 

Is that really what your magical brain decided to say in return? Jungkook leaned back in, eyes inspecting not just your ear, but your entire space. Recklessly moving in dangerously close, and your heart was ready to beg for mercy. Whether to completely close the space between you or to stop teasing, of which you weren’t sure. 

“It appears you didn’t do that good of a job,” he huffed.

A gurgled scream flew into your throat; the sound was utterly ridiculous and Jungkook ate it up. His head flew back in laughter as your hand moved to swat at him again. 

The disruption turned the attention of your teacher directly to the two of you, and Mr. Choi was quick to address it. 

“Jean Jungkook! Y/L/N, Y/N!”

The both of you rose from your seats in unison. Jungkook’s rise the definition of graceful, while yours in comparison was met with anxiety and your knees colliding with your desk. Your small “Oomph,” of pain sending him into a fit of giggles beside you. The hand you sent in to pinch at his leg only sent him into another fit. 

“Y/N!”

Stupid, stupid! Of course he would see.

“Seonsaengnim!”

To appease him, you felt your body respond in a ninety-degree salute. Your face keeping down to stare at your shoes and praying you weren’t about to be sent out of the room. 

“Would you mind explaining what Jungkook and you found so interesting that the two of you felt like you didn’t need to be a part of class.”

God, it wasn’t a question. He really wanted you to tell him, and what could you say? 

“Oh, he was just asking me if I was in the shower...thinking of him. And he was thinking of me too!”

Which wasn't a lie. Maybe it wasn’t as dirty as he might have intended, but it was enough to make your cheeks flush to life with their usual color these days. Your mind was still racing with an appropriate answer for Mr. Choi. You were taking so long you were ready to blurt out anything he might want to hear. 

“Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook gave a respectful bow and lifted his head. His full attention now resting on the impatiently waiting man at the front of the class. “We were discussing the fact that you, respectfully, have written the equation wrong on the board.” 

The entire class seized up. A collective air was taken at Jungkook’s bold attempt to correct him. It was awkwardly obvious that he wasn’t happy at the idea of being corrected. However, Jungkook remained unfazed and waited for the right time to speak. 

“Is that so?” He snapped. “If it is so wrong, Jeon, then please, come and fix it for me.”

You were sure his order for Jungkook to go to the front would make him back down . No one enjoyed doing class work on the board up front for all to see. But you’d forgotten Jungkook wasn’t like everyone else. He kept his head high and moved to grab his cane; his hand wrapping tightly to its handle. Jungkook stepped out from inside his desk and let his feet carry him forward. He walked with a noticeable lack of a limp and you were willing to bet that strike of pride was costing him. 

It wasn’t that you couldn’t believe that Jungkook was able to walk without it. It was just that your memory forced you to recall the pain he was in during the field trip. The flashes of frustration as his eyes threatened to spill over with tears. 

Jungkook came to stand beside Mr. Choi. His hand reaching out to take the marker that the older man had held out waiting for him to prove his equation wrong. He plucked it from the older man’s hand and moved the last few inches to stand in front of the board. His eyes scanning the problem quickly. Your breath held tight in your chest as you watched him get permission to grab the eraser. The class transfixed on his every movement.

You wondered how many of the girls in your class focused on him like you were. The same way your eyes ate up every simple movement he made. The notable flex of his back while he stretched to erase the middle and last part of what Mr. Choi had written out. 

“You had a good start here, Seonsaengnim.” Jungkook paused to stretch out his hand. Fingers marking underneath the start of the problem. “But you didn’t multiply these after they were divided, and because of this the middle became wrong. With your core of the problem being wrong the solution was never able to end in its final conclusion.”

With every word, Jungkook’s voice became more self-assured. His presence enveloping the room and demanding the attention he’d already received without question. Mr. Choi watched on with his arms crossed; index finger hugging his mouth in concentration as he watched Jungkook work. From the back of the class, you could see students writing down the new formula. Some of them realized the obvious error Mr. Choi had made. 

Jungkook looked at the problem over again on repeat. If it’d been you, you would have left it where it was knowing you’d done what no one else did. But Jungkook wanted to know, for himself, that it was correct. 

Finally, he stepped back from the whiteboard and handed the marker back to Mr. Choi. Who looked measurably impressed with him. His index finger he’d used for thinking now covered up a timid smile before he dropped it to grab a hold of the marker. 

“Go ahead and have a seat, Jungkook.”

Jungkook gave him a passing bow as he made his way back towards the back of the class. Back to you. It took everything you had not to notice how everyone’s view of him seemed to change. Even the honor students; the ones bound for scholarship glory to prestigious colleges now seemed to take new interest in him. 

You’d heard stories about Jungkook, like everyone else did. The Boy Wonder. The boy who seemed unfairly good at everything. Before you’d ever met him, a part of you believed there wasn’t a way the universe would seriously do that. And yet, as he moved to sit back down beside you, you suddenly felt the overwhelming sensation of being below average. Your subconscious rose up to stop whatever sunlight you’d felt at his earlier words, and crushed it until it began to dim. All but snuffing it out. 

Jungkook fell back into the seat at his desk riding the high of confidence he’d gained from proving he’d know how to fix the answer. Not just know it; teach it. The air around him completely changed. He was the sun and the rest of you were becoming helplessly lost in his orbit. From the backwards glances of the others around you, you were pretty sure they weren’t going to mind one bit. 

Either Jungkook was honestly oblivious to all the attention or he just didn’t care. He practically beamed as he leaned himself closer to you completely unaware at how breathless he made you. That smile you’d admired during your field trip showed itself beaming and bright. He was so damn pleased with himself his eyes sparked with joy and you wish you could’ve pouted. Maybe found the strength not to care or to wonder if he could see how he affected you. 

You wanted to pout and be in your own bubble, damn it. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I don’t think he’ll bother us again.”

Us. 

Those butterflies you’d sworn to yourself you were not feeling towards him began to come to life. Or were they butterflies? You weren’t sure what to call the feeling Jungkook gave you. 

Sure, Jungkook made your heart thunder in your chest like a caged animal. And yea, maybe you swore to yourself there was an attraction there that you couldn’t explain, but that was just your dopamine talking. That didn’t mean the two of you were soulmates or the universe decided to bring you both together by a mess of unseen choices. 

But...when Jungkook looked at you this way it was hard to tell your thundering heart anything else. 

The two of you continued to look at one another. A heartbeat of time passing between you with Jungkook waiting for your reply. You watched the edges of his smile start to wilt as realization set in that you weren’t planning to  reply. No smile or teasing remark was headed his way, and just as fast as he noticed it, determination swiftly replaced the light weighted joy he’d shown moments earlier. 

“Hey, you don’t have to worry. I’m positive he will leave us alone the rest of the class. I promise.”

God, why did he have to make things so difficult? When Jungkook spoke the words, “I promise,” they’d been so earnest. He meant them. Here he was trying to turn the tables and be your knight, instead of you being his. It would have worked, but what he didn’t know was that you weren’t worried about Mr. Choi. Not really. 

No one could tear you down further than you were able to do to yourself. 

He was still waiting for the answer that you would never give. You turned to face forward in your chair and tried to forget the ripple of sadness that moved over his face. The cost of your stubbornness suddenly felt too high. No matter how it made you feel though, you refused to look over in his direction. 

An awkward chasm had built between the two of you. Mostly, well, obviously it was all because of you. You figured Jungkook would eventually stop looking at you. You prayed he would stop. Every time he did it your body became painfully aware of his gaze, and the longing it held for you to acknowledge him. And every time you remained facing front. You no longer could pretend to focus, however, and that seemed to be all the signs Jungkook needed to know you were in some way paying attention.

Your notebook that’d been left unattended on the desk became his private art museum. The doodles started off silly and slowly morphed into small faces and objects that held impressive detail. You tried your best to ignore it; his arm practically took up most of the space on your desk. The angle forced him to shoulder into your space to the point that if you did finally turn to look at him you’d run inches away from his cheek. 

You were doing your best to pay attention to whatever your teacher was doing at the front. Your eyes watched as a wave of hands went up to answer questions you’d never heard. Yours kept sliding back down to the latest doodle he was making. The latest one he was working on had forced Jungkook to move further inland on your notepad. His forearm getting dangerously close to having to rest in your lap. 

It continued like this the remainder of class. For all the effort you’d put in the last half hour of pretending he wasn’t there, Jungkook shattered it within seconds. 

He’d repositioned himself with each new doodle he started. His shoulder wedged itself against yours and his forearm had completely taken up what little space was left on your desk. You were trying very hard to not pay attention to how said forearm was dangerously close to your chest. There was no hiding the redness of your cheeks. 

Without thinking, you whipped your head to look at him and almost yelled. You knew he was close, but nothing prepared you for this.

“Excuse me,” you whispered, voice incredulous. 

Jungkook turned to look at you and...was he pouting? His eyes played up on the childish quality as he turned to you and batted his eyes.

“Can I help you?”

“Ugh, can I help you? Do you need paper or something?”

“I have paper right here. Thanks.”

Jungkook patted the notepad with the end of his pen. Satisfied with his answer he turned his attention back to his latest artistic endeavor. 

“You know this is my desk. Right?”

“I like to think of it more like our desk. Sharing a space like we shared music.”

“Ya, Jungkook. You realize you blackmailed me into using my ipod.”

Jungkook feigned shock. His mouth dropping open and his eyes brows going too high up into his hairline. The entire scene was exaggerated and ridiculous. The scene forced you to roll your lips against your teeth to keep from smiling. The effort it took to hide your grin wasn’t unnoticed by Jungkook, and you couldn’t help but wonder if that’d been his goal all along. 

“Blackmail sounds so crass. I like to think of it as bargaining.”

“So we agree it’s called blackmail, then.” 

The theatrics of his face dropped into a serious stare that left his face completely blank. Void of all emotion except the annoyance that drew a heavy frown from his face. It was stupidly cute and this time you did allow yourself to smile. Your fingers reached out to grab one of his puffed out cheeks and gave it a sweet pinch, like a grandmother, and cooed in his direction. 

“Oooooh Jungkookie, don’t frown. We’ve all gotta be wrong sometimes.” 

He playfully nipped at your hand to make you snatch it away. It took everything in you not to make a sound at his sudden movement. Your mouth hung open in an awkward smile-shout as you brought your handle against your chest. 

“I think you’re misinterpreting the facts here. Maybe you hit your head on a small pebble or something when you fell in the mud.”

“You mean when you pulled me in.”

He shrugged and replied nonchalantly, “I don’t think I recall any force being used yesterday. You just fell on my chest trying to take advantage of me in my time of need.”

Now it was your turn to look deadpanned in his direction. Jungkook didn’t try to hide his wicked smile, however, and the cage of butterflies that were housed in your gut were released all over again. 

“Your appa must be a lawyer. It’d explain why you’re so good at bullshitting.”

“CEO, actually. But I would say you’re close. They are also full of shit.” 

You weren’t sure what to say to this omission about his father. Underneath the sarcasm felt like a heavy chasm that spoke of the death of a relationship. Your curiosity threatened to get the best of you, but you decided to just throw it away. Filing it away inside a little folder you’d made for little known facts about him. 

The bell rang and the mass of bodies in class all began to rise from their seats. All of them eager to rush from the classroom and do whatever plans they’d made to enjoy their little bit of freedom. You were reaching for your bookbag when Jungkook’s hand was just there. A part of you worried he’d decided to play a game of keep away, or something that fit his playful mood, Instead, he placed it down on the desk. 

“Oh, thank you, Jungkook.”

God. Why were you staring? Why was he staring?

The room was still filled with the small display of chaotic teenage energy. Most of them had already filed out of the classroom, while some were still putting things away. Honor students were arguing with the teacher about markings he’d left on papers. Small groups of friends chatting happily as they moved in tight clusters through the door. So much was going on around you, and yet the only person you were aware of was him. 

“You’re welcome. Have a good lunch, Y/N.”

The playful air that’d been around him had completely disappeared. This boy who stood before you now was more reminiscent of when you’d first met than the boy you’d grown to like. What had made him grow so distant?

“You too, Kookie.”

It slipped out. You couldn’t stop yourself. He’d already started to walk away in his retreat. As soon as his pet name you’d given him hit his ears he completely stopped moving. His head whipped around to glance at you with that devilish grin raised high on his cheeks. 

“Kookie? Are you calling me a snack?”

If your eyes could’ve gotten any wider, they would’ve left your skull. The embarrassment was hot on your cheeks and you knew Jungkook would tease you without mercy for the slip up. By the look in his eyes you could tell he was never going to let this go. Not ever. He would be too happy to remind you of this until the day you died. Or until graduation. Whichever came first.

This time you scooped up your bookbag and snatched your book off the desk clutching them to your chest. In your haste to grab them and go, your knee collided with the edge of the desk, but you’d worry about that possible bruise later. You just needed to flee before Jungkook got any closer. 

“No, no. It was an accident.”

“You called me a snack by accident?”

You were backing up towards the safety of the open hallway. Your shoulders shrugging too high and your laugh too high-pitched in your attempt to play it cool.

“No snack nicknames here. It was just a slip of the tongue. I must just be hungry, ya know.”

“Are you hungry for me?”

Oh, he was intolerable sometimes. It didn’t matter how flustered he made you. A part of you knew his endless teasing was growing on you. You liked it, and the sane part of you wondered if you’d gone crazy. 

“Ya, Jungkook-”

“I think you mean, Kookie,” he cut in. 

Jungkook held a single finger up to silence you. He’d stopped moving towards you and let out a laugh as you tried to swat his hand down. He looked so much happier than he did moments ago. That alone made his teasing at your expense worth it. 

“No I mean, Jungkook. It’s the name your parents gave you.” You stated, proud that your voice sounded more stable than you felt. “I’m gonna go eat my lunch now. You should do the same and I’ll...see you later.”

You waited for him to argue. To continue to make comments in passing to keep your face rosy and flushed. He surprised you by just standing there in silence. His smile wide on his face and eyes looking at you like you’d held the moon. A look you weren’t used to and made you unsure how to respond. 

You started to walk back towards the door and found yourself disappointed when he didn’t follow. You sent him an awkward wave as your arms still held onto your things from your desk. Jungkook showed his amusement by giving you a wave in return.

“See you later, Y/N.”

At his words you turned on your heel and headed out towards the courtyard. No longer eager to eat your lunch that you’d packed. Your mind replayed his words and knew, without a doubt, he would keep his word.

—————-

Lunch went by as quickly as it came. Instead of eating your lunch with friends, you’d opted for sulking in the auditorium. Absentmindedly taking small bits off your food as you considered what had happened between Jungkook and you. 

There was flirting there. You may be a little delusional, but you weren’t delusional about this. It was obvious to anyone who witnessed it and yet you tried to deny its existence at every turn.  Of course, you knew why. 

It just didn’t make logical sense. You were two opposites that shouldn’t be in the least bit interested in the other. Well, that didn’t really seem correct when it came to Jungkook. He was attractive to everyone and probably even inanimate objects. But you...you just couldn’t see yourself that way. You’d only ever had one relationship in your life and it had been short-lived and in the third grade. 

Throwing what little was left of your sandwich back inside it’s little brown coffin, you removed yourself from your spot. A huff left you as you reached out to pick up your mess and started to hop back down the steps one-by-one. 

You weren’t sure what walking around was going to do. For the hundredth time since this day started, you were lost in your own head. The only thing you knew for certain was that you’d hoped to run into him again. A thought came to you that maybe, just this day, he’d shown up in the school's cafeteria. 

You could think of a million excuses for why you’d need to go into the cafeteria and it wouldn’t be weird. Just the thought of not coming off weird, while most certainly being weird, made you beam at your own creativity. 

You’d reached the last step and we’re crossing the field when you noticed, on the other side, the very boy you were looking for. He was alone and sitting under the shade of the only tree next to the amphitheater. His back against the bark and a knee drawn up to give his notepad a place to perch. Whatever he was writing, drawing, or formulating held his interest and refused to let him look up. 

All your previous bravado deflated in a second. It would be harder to deny you weren’t actively seeking him out if you went to him now. But, who said that you wanted too? 

Grabbing the strap of your book bag tight, you started back on your mission. Your legs made quick work across the field. It wasn’t until there was only a few feet left between you that he looked up. His brow still furrowed in tight creases of concentration as he decided if you were a friend or foe. Your feet almost tripped over themselves when he smiled at you. 

“Y/N!” He called happily. “What brings you over here?”

“I came looking for my snack.”

The surprise on his face made your bold choice of a response worth it. Jungkook, being who he was, quickly recovered and set his notebook and pencil down beside him. He placed his arms casually on his propped up leg and leaned forward as if he was about to tell you a secret. 

“Well, you found me. Why did you come looking for me? Really.”

You tried to think quickly of what to say. The idea of telling him the truth, that you’d just wanted to see him, felt painfully honest and might press him to ask for you to explain. How could you explain that in the short time you’d met him he was both the most interesting and infuriating man you’d ever met. But he was also the most beautiful, and had a delicate softness under his hard exterior that you were growing to love. He was basically the perfect description of the onion from Shrek. 

An idea clicked in your head and your hands quickly moved inside your bag and produced another brown bag. 

“I wanted to come see if you’d eaten. I had some spare kimchi rice ball’s my omma made.”

You extended the bag out to him. Your eyes locked together as you waited for him to either accept it or deny it. Jungkook surprised you by leaning forward and taking it gently from you. It took some effort, but he crossed his legs -his bad one in an awkward position - and plopped the bag down between his legs. 

You moved to sit beside him in the grass and took your book bag off your shoulder and into your lap. You watched as he moved to open the bag and peered cautiously inside. 

“It’s not a bomb,” you chided. 

“I never know with you.”

You rolled your eyes with a smile spreading like wildfire across your lips. Jungkook was so charismatic it felt inevitable and fighting against it was futile. He took a large bite of the rice ball and practically swooned. His eyes had fallen shut and a ridiculous chanting of endless “Mhm’s” had started rising up around you. 

“Should I leave you two alone?”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped open and for a moment you were worried maybe you did pull him out of some weird food ritual. His eyes were blank and then, all at once, he was back to being his usual animated self. The hand that held the rice ball shaking in your direction before shoving what was left inside his mouth. 

“This is unbelievably delicious.” He mumbled around his food. “You said your omma made these?”

“Yup!”

You’d said it in English just to dramatically pop the P at the end. Extending out your own kind of dramatics to match Jungkook’s. You leaned your hands back into the grass and noticed Jungkook watch your every move as you did. 

“Is your omma married?”

Your face fell into a deadpan stare as you replied, “Seriously? Of course her and my appa are still married, you creep.”

“If you can cook like your omma, Y/N I’m willing to lend you my amazing tutoring services. All for the low price of making things as delicious as this.”

He was already mid-way through shoving the second rice ball in his mouth. His head tilted back to drop it down. A piece of rice must have dislodged itself from its balled shape, because he erupted in a coughing fit. You couldn’t help but laugh as you handed him your water. 

“I think I’ll steer clear of rice treats. Just to make sure you don’t kill yourself.”

Jungkook was about to lift the bottle up to his lips and stopped. His eyes falling on you with a playful glare. You held your hands up in mock surrender as you leaned forward. Your hands clap together to get pieces of grass and soil from your hands. 

While he drank the water you’d offered up the two of you fell into companionable silence. You didn’t mind waiting and Jungkook was happy that you did. When he’d finished with the bottle, he set it down beside him. His hand moving like a flopping fish in your direction to make you give him something that you’d had no idea he’d asked for. 

“Come on. Let’s see your math homework.” 

“For what?”

“To start your tutoring. Duh.”

You hated how cute he’d made the word sound. The way his lips smiled around it and left him beaming at you like a little kid on Christmas. 

“Can we pass? We just left the class and I hate math. A lot.”

Jungkook tsked you but didn’t look disappointed. 

“You can’t get better at something if you give up on it. Luckily for you, you’ve got the best person in the subject to tutor you.”

“For a fee,” you pointed out. 

“All the best things come with a price. I’m most definitely one of them. Now. Book.”

His hand movements were more controlled now. His fingers simply waved once -twice- for you to hurry it up and place what he’d asked in his hand. You really didn’t want any part of this. The thought was sweet, but when you said you hated math you meant it. So yeah, maybe you were grumbling a little as you reached inside your book bag and taking a little longer than was necessary to hand it over. 

Jungkook took it from you in one smooth motion and had it open to the spot previously in class. All your homework problems you’d left unfinished glaring against the white of the page. His eyes were already scanning over what little problems you’d written down. A clicking noise from his closed mouth reminding you why exactly you hadn’t finished more of it. The reason was sitting right in front of you. 

His hand flicked back out and he held it open. His eyes never lifted off the page as he demanded, “Pencil.”

“What the heck? Why am I supplying everything.”

“Cause I’m supplying myself,” he shot back. His hands taking the pencil you handed over to him. “Plus, I also can’t seem to find any in my bag.” 

“You didn’t even look.”

Jungkook gave a graceful shrug. His attention was fully engrossed in the problems. You weren’t ready for how cute he looked. How adorable those concentration creases in his forehead made him look, even deadly serious, with his fingers tapping the pencil absentmindedly on the paper. When he figured out what was missing from the equation he quickly erased and reconfigured everything on the page. 

You were staring intently at him, both because his angle’s were ridiculously handsome but also, the way the sun fell down on him here, peaking through the trees, felt like magic. It was hard to believe the universe was more than just molecules and that luck was thrown out randomly. If it was, maybe you’d caught some. 

Your thoughts were running wild and your concentration was no longer in the safe zone. Maybe that’s why when he finally looked up from the notebook and found you staring he’d smiled. Not his teasing one. Or the condescending either. This smile was soft like a secret, and directed only at you. \

“See something you like?”

His voice was gentle in his playfulness. As if he wanted to take the cautionary approach in case you were spooked. 

“Maybe I do.”

A smile of your own spread to match his and Jungkook wasn’t surprised. He was just happy, and it was a lovely sight to see. He looked away from you with his hand moving up to smooth out the hair on the back of his neck. He flicked the pencil down on the notebook and brought it forward for you to see. 

“Let’s get back to this. I’ll be honest with you. It’s pretty bad. You missed a whole line on the third problem that left you with an incomplete answer. Not to mention,” he lifted up the notebook and motioned towards the whole page, “Where is all the rest of the homework?”

Jungkook’s voice was filled with the beginnings of laughter. Not specifically towards you, but just the blatant fact you did not care. You gave him your best nonchalant shrug. In reality, you did care. It bothered you it wasn’t finished. 

Your fingers were digging in the grass and ripping some of it up and throwing it out into the field. 

“I had a hard time concentrating last night. Plus, if I’m being honest math has always been the hardest subject for me.”

“And that is why I’m going to help you.”

“For a fee,” you reminded him. 

“I’ll teach you the easiest way I know how to do these and I promise you, you’ll be flying through these problems in no time.”

The sincerity in his voice was evident. Jungkook really believed it and he wanted you to believe it too. You just couldn’t understand why and you found yourself speaking your mind. 

“Why are you wanting to help me?”

It was his turn to shrug his shoulders. His face went blank as he looked at you one last time before he looked away. Whatever he was looking at he wasn’t really seeing. He just needed someplace else to look than the person he was talking to you. You did it plenty of times yourself. 

Whatever he’d decided on to say had caused his shoulders to square. Determined that whatever he needed to say he would make sure it meant something. 

“I like spending time with you.”

The smile you’d worn completely shattered as you stared at him. The butterflies rushed up and up until they trapped themselves in your throat. Jungkook’s admission was basically three words dropped away from just saying he liked you. 

This surprising admission should’ve been enough to make yourself not care who you saw walking. Or care when he stopped, his small mob with him, and start gesturing at his imaginary watch. His fingers rubbing together for money owed. 

It was worse when Jungkook looked back and took notice. Even worse when he looked back at you with questions swirling in his eyes. 

“Everything okay?”

Your eyes looked down to the safety of your hands. The way they were helplessly fidgeting back in the grass and tearing it apart like a miniature tantrum was brewing inside you. You hated that after all this time, you let Lee Kwon upset you by making you feel embarrassed about your dad. That he felt the need to tell everyone the business deal between his father and yours. How every time he told it he’d turned him more and more into a villain of his own misfortune. 

Without a reason why you took back your notebook from Jungkook and shoved it inside your bag. You were ready to leave. You didn’t want to explain, but you knew Jungkook wouldn’t let you just leave without one. 

He reached out and his hand gently wrapped around your wrist to stop you. There was no force. Nothing that hinted that he would keep you there if you didn’t want to be kept. Looking at him felt harder. His genuine worry almost threatened to let the tears from your frustration spill forward. 

“Hey, Y/N, what’s wrong?”

You shook your head. Your vision dragging away from him and back to the retreating back of the sociopath, Lee Kwon. 

You didn’t try to shake him off. You actually felt comforted by his worrisome touch. The way he leaned in closer as if he would pull you into his arms at any moment. As much as you wanted that to happen, you knew it wouldn’t happen. A deep sigh had built up in your chest and you released it while you looked back at him. 

“Look. Eventually, I know you’re going to hear about it: my dad, I mean.”

“That’s kind of odd high school kids would talk about someone’s appa.”

“You and me both,” you agreed. “But Kwon’s dad is a banker who doesn’t believe in client confidentiality. So he tells his son about his day over dinner and-“

“And he decides to bring it to school to make your life miserable,” Jungkook finished for you. 

He understood and didn’t need you to simplify it anymore. His hand left your arm and you suddenly found yourself missing his comforting touch. It was still there, that comfort, in the way his eyes softened and he leaned in intent to listen to whatever you needed to get off your chest. You appreciated his attention, but also hated it at the same time. 

“What’s your Appa’s thing?”

God. He did understand. Maybe just a little too well for your liking. 

“Gambling. It started when I was in the seventh grade. At first it wasn’t anything too crazy. He’d always been able to even it out. But then he became obsessed with the idea of winning big. Kept betting on things we couldn’t afford to lose. Eventually, he bet too high and ended up losing the business he and my mom built together and our house. They had to pay the bank back.”

“A bank this dude’s Appa works at.”

“Correct. My Appa...he isn’t a bad man. He’s paid his debt and hasn’t gambled since. What good is it for me or anyone else to make him feel bad for the rest of his life?”

“I don’t get it. Why does that have to do with you, though?”

You’d wondered the same exact thing half of your adolescent life. You shrugged and looked at Jungkook wondering if maybe he’d be able to make sense of it better than you could. 

“Twelve year old boys enjoy making up stories. First it was that we became so poor we lived with pigs. That's why I smelled.”

You put air quotations around smelled and Jungkook practically howled with laughter. You tried your best to show no emotion, but could feel the corner of your lips threatening to curl into a smile. 

“He probably said it because you didn’t know how to wash back then and, judging from earlier, I still don’t think you do.”

You moved to playfully shove at his shoulder. A scoff of laughter leaving you even though you told yourself you wouldn’t. Jungkook was waiting for you to make a move and when you did he easily grabbed a hold of you. The feeling of intimacy, just like yesterday in the mud, was swimming back to the surface. 

Your eyes looked up into his with your laughter being met with a wide grin. The way he was looking at you now made you believe in fairytales and left your lips aching to be kissed. 

Before either of you could decide what to do next, the bell for the end of lunch sounded. You could hear it going off all around you, but still the two of you stayed holding each other. Your bodies close enough that if he wanted to make a move all Jungkook needed was to lean down. To say your heart dropped a little when he moved away was an understatement. 

You focused on getting up from the grass. Your hands patting down your uniform as you struggle to find something not so awkward to say. You wanted to sound confident. You wanted to sound like you weren’t affected by him at all. 

“Well, I’ll see you around.”

God, you sounded awkward. You turned to start heading to your next period. You closed your eyes tight and mouthed, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” You’d gotten a few feet away when you heard him call to you. 

You turned to look back at him and found him still standing under the tree. His hands in his pockets and his eyes solely on you. 

“Would you let me walk you home?”

Did he really have to ask? You’d let him walk you to the edge of a volcano. You didn’t say that, however. You wanted to play it cool, but on the inside you were screaming. 

“I’d like that.”

When you turned back around to make your way to class, the memory of how his face had brightened at your reply, stayed with you. You couldn’t wait for the day to end. 

_________

True to his word Jungkook waited for you after school. You couldn’t help looking for him over the countless shoulders as you walked with the sea of students towards the entrance. The hole in the pit of your stomach opened back up from the underlying dreadful thought. That he wouldn't show up. You’d be left standing there waiting for him forever. But Jungkook continued to prove your pessimism wrong. 

The closer you got to the school’s gate, you were able to spot him instantly. He was leaning coolly against the gate. His bag at his feet and his cane positioned strategically out of view. If anyone just casually walked up, they would’ve never been able to tell he’d needed one. Maybe that was why he’d done it. 

He looked to be searching for someone in every face that passed him. It came to an end the minute his roaming eyes found you. No longer did he appear cool and composed. His body became animated with what you could only explain as a giddiness at your oncoming presence.

By the time you reached him, Jungkook was wearing his backpack on his shoulder and his cane in his hand. He was standing and waiting for you. The happiness at being next to you was intoxicating and you could only hope you looked the same. 

“It felt like I was waiting forever,” he admitted. 

The two of you started in sync out the gate and turned left onto the main road.

“It felt like an eternity just to get to you. I have Mrs. Chun’s chemistry class for the last period. The classroom is pretty far.”

“Mhm, like on a planet far far away.”

Your eyes rolled up to look at him. The affection you found in the warmth of his eyes was startling, but not a surprise. 

Your mom used to tell you to always be careful with smiling. It caused laugh lines. It helped make crows feet. That smiling was a woman’s secret enemy she never knew about when it came to aging. She told you over and over to be careful who or what you wasted smiles on. Smiling up at him now, Jungkook was definitely worth it just to see him respond with his own. 

“Don’t be so dramatic. It’s only, like, one planet away.” 

A soft hush of laughter left him as he looked away. His gaze roaming around the street signs and their multiple names before looking back at you. 

“Are we going the right way to your place? I just realized I never even asked for your address.”

“Does it matter? I mean, with your leg and all.” You hated yourself for spoiling the moment by bringing it up. You knew it was a touchy subject when it came to his leg for Jungkook. So you weren’t surprised to see that spark of warmth fade ever so slightly from his face. His smile wilted at the edges of his lips before it all but disappeared. “You know I’m sorry I said anything. I shouldn’t have. I mean obviously you know yourself and your limits. You wouldn’t have asked if you weren’t able to do it.”

You were rambling. You were fidgeting and waving your arms around while you talked, because why not? You were doing everything else besides hyperventilating at this point. All you knew was that you felt like a jerk for even bringing it up. When all you wanted was to know he was okay. 

You were so lost in the space inside your head and worrying that you didn’t notice him laughing at you. You were mid-arm swing. Inhaling for another round of mouth babble to start asking for forgiveness when he waved for you to stop. A finger tip landing on your lips to quiet the words in your throat by shocking you into silence.

“You really don’t have to apologize so much, Y/N. It’s alright. I understand why you would ask.”

You were tempted to lick his finger away, but it felt too intimate. But so was a finger on the lips. Before you could decide your next move from your internal dilemma, Jungkook solved it for you. His finger detaching from your lips as quickly as it’d come.

“No, you don’t. I’m just worried about you. I know I should trust you to know yourself better, but-“ you did an over exaggerated shrug as you finished: “I’m a worrier.” 

“I’m flattered, I have you to worry over me.”

You knew he was teasing you and you couldn’t have been happier. You preferred it to making him sad. Plus, he was back to looking at you like you controlled the stars and oh, what a wonderful look it was.

“You should be. I’ve only got so much extra space up here.”

You tapped your head for added effect and were rewarded with a soft laugh that was followed up by a smile. God, you could get used to this. 

“I guess I need to work harder to take up more space.”

“Please, no. Let’s not do that. I need my sanity.”

You couldn’t believe you were doing so well at flirting. Usually, your sarcasm won out and you resorted to awkward winking, but this was definitely an improvement. 

“I’m not sure you have much of that left either,” he joked. 

You tried to hide your laughter with a scoff. You knew you were failing miserably at being offended. Your mouth fighting too hard to ward off a smile as you playfully bumped your shoulder into his arm. Jungkook was ready for you with his cane digging into the sidewalk to give him extra stability. 

“Ya, if I do finally go crazy it’ll be your fault, specifically.” 

“I think you’d have a hard time proving that in court. My counter argument would be pretty persuasive.” 

You looked at him in shock. 

“Court? Wow...that escalated quickly.”

Jungkook nodded his reply. He stopped in front of a bookstore and pointed at a manga in the window. You weren’t too familiar with the title, but it's a cover you’d seen plenty of. 

“It would happen as quickly as an infection from a zombie’s bite. It would seem all slow until suddenly you jumped up and tried to eat me.” 

You couldn’t keep the amusement off your face as you glanced at him and back down to the manga. A part of you wondering if it was one he’d read before or just wanted to use to make his point. 

“Question: why are we together during a zombie outbreak?”

“Isn’t it obvious? It’s because I’ll be walking you home. I’ll try and save you and while feeling all heroic about it, I won’t even realize you’d been bitten until it’s too late.”

The two of you moved away from the bookstore window and began to walk back down the sidewalk. Your mind trying to dissect what he was trying to say, but all it left you with was imagining a zombie version of you trying to take a bite out of him. 

“You must watch too much Walking Dead.”

“It’s a good show,” he shrugged. 

“Did you know that there’s actually a fungus out there that’s sort of like a zombie infection. It’s called Ophiocordyceps. It basically infects the host and within nine days of infection it takes control of the host's body movements.”

You were still walking and looking around while you spoke. Your fingers running gently over a row of gardenia’s that were planted in carefully placed pots in front of someone’s home. You were aware Jungkook had left your side by the sudden coldness of his absence. You turned to look for him and found him standing a foot away from you. A mixture of astonishment and amusement etched on his face. 

“Why do you know something like that? Actually, how do you know something like that?”

His eyes were dancing with curiosity as he moved to fall back into step beside you. 

“Let’s just say I like to read. I like strange things and facts. And science is full of both facts and strange things.”

With each small statement you held up a finger. When you ended on the third and final small fact about yourself, you wiggled all three fingers at him. The motion earned you a giant smile that only seemed to grow wider as his head shook slightly back and forth. 

“You are the strangest girl.”

“How am I strange?”

“You just told me about a body snatching fungus,” he chuckled. “What other girl is going to do that?”

Jungkook had a point. A very strong point. For all your new found confidence when it came to him, you couldn’t keep the heat from rushing to your face. Or the back of your hands from trying to hide it. 

“I would tell you to stop being embarrassed but it’s cute when you blush.” 

The two of you came to a complete stop at the crosswalk. The red light blinking to tell you two it wasn’t safe to cross. It felt like a weird metaphor for this moment in your life. 

Stop! Do not keep staring back at him as if he strung every star in the sky. Stop! Don’t continue to entertain the thought that he looked like he wanted to kiss you or that you desperately wanted to kiss him back. Stop! Even though you already knew it was too late. 

You had plans. It’d all been strategically mapped out in your head until you could read it forwards and backwards to yourself. Do your best to graduate high enough in the percentage range to get into a decent college. Get a degree for a job, it didn’t matter what it was, that made enough money to help your parents. For all your careful planning, none of it had included him and yet, the universe had you both standing at a stoplight looking at each other like there couldn’t be any other reality where you weren’t meant to end up right here. Standing at this exact light and looking at one another like no one else existed. 

Luckily, the light changed signaling for you to begin to cross. The mass of bodies that had accumulated behind you began to push you both forward and, reluctantly, broke your gaze free from him. Your brain was scrambling to pick up a conversation you weren’t sure how to resurrect. Your mind too busy daydreaming all the scenarios you would’ve taken in different realities if you were braver. Clearing your throat, you did your best to wipe the thought clean and focus on your current reality.

“If it makes you feel better,” you started your body turning to consider him as you spoke, “the study was only ever done on the tropical ants that resided in the forest. The actual effects and what it could do to humans has never been studied. Yet. But I’m willing to bet it would take longer than nine days for it to take hold of a grown adult's nervous system and larger batches.”

He was looking at you in inspired mock horror. You weren’t sure whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. Or if your unusual fact telling about zombie fungus had completely killed the mood. You got your answer in an excited hush of, “Holy shit it’s like you’re writing your own super villain backstory.” 

A smile erupted on your face as you playfully rolled your eyes away from him. It was hard to miss the mischievous glint in his eyes or the way his whole face still swam with the playfulness that lurked underneath his teasing. Jungkook was so alive. A force that required you to hang on or else you would get swept up in him without even realizing it’d happen. 

You wondered if this is what falling in love felt like. 

“I would make a terrible villain. I’m too clumsy,” you stated. Your weak attempt at downplaying yourself being met with a stern look. 

“How clumsy are we talking?”

“Hmm, I would say, ‘Kronk giving the llama potion to Kuzco,’ kind of clumsy.”

A hiss of air whistled between Jungkook’s teeth. A mock look of worry on his face as his hands moved to reposition his bag. 

“Can we call that clumsy, though?”

“What else would it be?” You asked. 

You could feel the lines grouping together in your forehead just trying to figure out what he was getting at. Jungkook didn’t seem to be in any rush to answer you. The two of you walking a few feet before he must have decided you’d waited long enough for him to reply. 

“I always thought Kronk was stupid throughout the whole movie, but really, he was just a good person. He’s a good guy tasked to do a bad thing and he just wants to make people happy. Even if it means doing the wrong thing.”

You wanted to ask if maybe he was talking more about himself than The Emperor’s New Groove at this point. He faced forward with his brow creased in deep thought and whatever it was that held his thoughts didn’t appear to be anything good. 

“Or,” you started, voice light enough to drag him out of his head, “it’s just a kids movie.”

Sure, Jungkook was looking at you, but he didn’t seem to actually see you. Somewhere inside his head, he was reenacting or seeing something that ate up all the sunshine that lived in his bones. It felt silly to feel a sense of panic about something that might not even be true. And yet, you couldn’t stop the awful thought that sadness was trying to make a home inside his soul. 

Without giving it another thought you reached up and pretended to wipe away a pretend rogue eyelash from his cheek. The suddenness of your fingers brushing on his skin jolted him from wherever his thoughts had held him hostage and back into the present. His eyes darted around your face and his own hand came up to gently take yours. 

“Sorry.” Your words came out breathy as you struggled not to focus on how he was practically holding your hand. “There was an eyelash. The wind must have blown it away.”

The earlier sadness that’d hollowed out his eyes was gone. What replaced it was one of knowing you weren’t telling the truth. His head tilted slightly down to inspect your empty finger of the proof you knew your words didn’t have whose eyes sparked with his usual teasing and something else. Something that left a different kind of heat flooding your cheeks. 

“I’m sure there was.”

Reluctantly, you removed your hand from his and continued to walk. It only took him a couple seconds to fall effortlessly into step beside you making you wonder if his leg was as injured as it seemed. 

A warm silence swelled around you as you continued to walk. A comfortable pace setting between you as he looked in the windows of every store you passed in between the changing streets. He never once asked if you were getting close to your home or how much farther it might be. It was like the moment on the back of the bus. The two of you enjoyed that the other was there without ever feeling the need to say it.

But you knew it was soon coming to an end. In only a few blocks, you’d be home and your fairytale moment would end. You were struggling on how to break this, more to yourself than Jungkook, when you noticed he pulled a Nikon camera from the side of his bag. He was squinting through the lens and taking photos of something up ahead. Of the landscape or the people and buildings that framed it you weren’t sure. 

He must have sensed your silent question as he snapped a few more quick photos before turning to acknowledge you. 

“Y/N, I have a serious question for you.”

It was hard to keep the amusement off your face as you both came to a stop. The place felt random, but it was anything but that to Jungkook. Whatever he saw in this space you both inhabited must have felt like magic to him. 

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Do you think we have enough time for me to take some photos?”

It felt like such an odd request. Why should anyone have to ask to do something that they loved? Jungkook didn’t fully say he loved doing it, but no one spent that much money on a nice camera if it wasn’t something they enjoyed doing. The look on his face was just an added bonus of proving your answer meant something. One that made you wonder why he felt like he needed your permission at all. And then it hit you: he wanted to stay in your company while he did it. 

You considered teasing him, but he looked too vulnerable standing there. You weren’t even sure if he was breathing. A pleading in his eyes that reminded you of a child asking a mother to go on just one more ride before they were forced to go home. You considered giving him the bad news that you had more than homework to do when you arrived home. But that could come another day. On this day, with him, you could spare an hour just to make him happy.

Instead of coming right out and letting him know you’d made up your mind, you decided to play coy. A soft, “Hmm,” hummed around you as you looked everywhere but him. Your index finger tapping on your lips for dramatic flare.

"Ok," You shrugged. "I think I have some free time I could spare."

His eyes squinted in question as you moved to stand in front of him. The movement simply to let a couple go by in peace, but somehow placed you closer in front of him. Jungkook’s gaze was roaming your face to find an answer to a question he hadn’t yet asked. 

“You planned on saying yes this whole time, didn’t you. You were just trying to make me suffer waiting for you to answer.”

You gasped in pretend shock and did your best not to smile at his accusations. By the growing smile on his face you knew you were failing miserably. 

“Me?! I would never do such a thing.”

“You’re secretly a sadist!”

Jungkook’s smile only widened as a scoff of disbelief passed from your lips. Your own smile grew to match his own when his hands lifted up his camera. Seconds later the sound of the shutter clicked and you felt your soul leave your body. The earlier playfulness was swiftly swept in your own dark cloud and the idea you probably looked hideous in that photo. 

“Oh god, Jungkook delete it,” you pleaded. 

Your hands were reaching out to grab tightly at this shirt. Your fingers curled in the white fabric until there was a small chance you could tear holes. The camera in question was being held far from your reach. His hand easily held it above his shoulder as he used one hand to steady you against him. You’d invaded his space without even realizing, but you had no time to be embarrassed. Not when he had a picture of you forever saved on that camera. 

“Why would I delete it?”

He was his usual amused self you could tell, but he wasn’t egging you on. His question was out of curiosity. His own eyes brimming with it as you considered keeping one hand tightly wound in his shirt and the other to jump up and reach for the camera. 

“Because Jungkook I’m not cute. You’ll be lucky if it doesn’t ruin the camera.”

All his earlier playfulness drained from his face and what was left made you instantly feel like you were about to be scolded. His hand that had firmly planted itself on your hip was achingly apparent now as his fingers gripped you closer to him. Your own awareness at how close you actually were to his chest made your lips feel dry. Your tongue flicked out to wet them and god, it took everything in you not to focus on the fact his eyes had followed the movement. 

“Y/N, why would you say that? You shouldn’t let anyone talk down about you, and you shouldn’t do it to yourself either. You’re beautiful.”

He spoke like it was a fact. A statement that not just the two of you knew, but the universe did too. And what were you supposed to say back? While you were held captive to the thought he was still looking from you to your lips. The determination for you to understand his words and believe them setting soft lines in his face. You tried to keep looking at him, but under his watchful gaze you couldn’t keep yourself from fidgeting. Your eyes moved down the line of his body until it landed on the tops of your shoes. 

You weren’t sure what to say back. Thank you didn’t fit here. It didn’t feel like a moment where he was trying to boost your confidence the way a friend did. This felt more like someone who noticed something in you while you hadn’t been looking. 

So instead of saying anything remotely clever back you began to dislodge yourself from him. Your hands releasing their hold on his shirt and forcing his hand off of your hip. Standing there with only inches between you, your body was achingly aware that his hand was gone. It’s weight leaving a burning of longing to have it back forced your hands into your pockets and your body turning away from him. You waited for him to start moving back down the road. The motion forced him to either join you or stay where he was. 

“We should get going before we run out of time.”

You hated yourself for dismissing him. For not being bolder like you’d promised yourself earlier in the day. It would’ve been the perfect time to thank him. To tell him how you were pretty sure there wasn’t a soul on earth more attractive than him, but that what made him beautiful is what he refused to let people see. The soft tone of his voice still singing along to the songs on the back of the bus had ended up being an unspoken lullaby when you’d gone to sleep. 

A part of you considered turning on your heel and telling him this. To tell him that you saw him; actually saw him for who he was and not who he felt like he needed to be. But you just kept moving forward and weren’t surprised when Jungkook found a steady rhythm back beside you. 

The both of you stayed quiet. This time it felt more forced than the easiness of earlier. Like the two of you had so many missed starts at creating a conversation that neither of you could understand why it ended.

You watched him as he focused on the area around him. His camera training on an old couple who sat waiting for the next bus. The husband had clutched his wife’s arm close to his side. In his hands he was peeling what appeared to be an orange and with each freshly peeled slice, he gave one to her and one to himself. No one knew what they were conversing about, but it didn’t matter. To them, they were the only two people there. The wholesomeness of the moment made you wonder what they were like back in their youth. 

You listened to the flutter of the shutter click repeatedly. His hand twisting on the lens to bring it in and out of focus, while he himself remained deadly focused on capturing their moment in time. You were curious how the photos would turn out in the end and wished there was a way to show them how their love translated on film. 

You were in the middle of watching Jungkook turn his attention to a couple birds inside a cherry blossom when he spoke.

“Thank you for agreeing to walk with me while I do this.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Jungkook.”

A sad smile curled his lips as he dropped his camera down in front of him. His thumb skimmed over the buttons to quickly go through what he’d previously taken. The last one he landed on made his entire face light up and you felt a pang of jealousy at what it could be. How you wish he would look at you like that. 

“Maybe, but I feel like I do. Ever since my accident, my appa hasn’t been able to force me into things. For once, I get to just do what I want. Sucks it only had to cost me a friend and a leg to get some freedom.”

Your feet had carried you to the next stop sign. The sudden halt in moving forced you to look at him, really look at Jungkook, like you’d never seen him before. 

He wasn’t looking at you now. His ears a screaming red while his fingers danced over every part of the camera. His eyes roaming over its edges and flicking too fast through pictures to actually even be looking at them. For the first time since you’d met him Jungkook was scared to look at you. Scared for what you might see if you did. 

Looking at him now, you couldn’t have been happier to indulge him. You’d indulge him for the rest of your life if he’d let you. 

“Well, I’m happy to be of service.”

You mentally smacked yourself at your choice of words. Jungkook, however, was backing to his beaming self as he finally glanced in your direction. His eyeing ate up your embarrassment as it was your turn to face forward. Your feet hopping in place as you waited for the light to flash it was okay to walk. 

“I’m supposed to be at physical therapy right now.”

“Wait, what?”

The light was flickering finally for you to all move. Your feet moved to carry you forward unintentionally, just to keep with the flow of traffic, as Jungkook gave you a small shrug for an answer. 

“Did you say you were supposed to be at physical therapy?”

Another shrug and another long pause with no answer. It seemed he had been waiting for you to round the corner onto a quieter pedestrian free street before he replied, “After school. I have appointments almost everyday and I never go.” 

“But why? It’s meant to help you get better, isn’t it?”

“Get better to do what, exactly?” He huffed. Jungkook’s entire body took on a broodier tone. His cane practically dug small holes with each press into the pavement. “Who even says that I can get better?”

“Well, doctors for one,” you pointed out. “I’m sure they wouldn’t have signed you up for it if they didn’t believe you could get better.” 

“If I was going to get better it would’ve happened already.”

It felt like walking on eggshells. This side of Jungkook was the boy you’d met on his first day of class. His guarded demeanor up on high alert, as he kept his gaze stoically forward and his chin held high. 

“You’re not an idiot, Jungkook. You know injuries take time to heal from. It doesn't just magically happen overnight.”

“Who says that I want to get better?”

The coldness in his words forced your legs to stop working. Your feet were unable to move as he continued to push on ahead of you. His own movements became slower now as the long walk was beginning to take its toll on his leg. He knew you weren’t beside him anymore and still he tried to keep pushing forward, before eventually he had no other choice but to turn around. 

The look on his face was as defiant as ever. Underneath that defiance was a sadness so raw you only wanted to reach out and hold him. If just to remind him that he was seen and that his pain mattered.

That’s when the realization hit you.

“Unless you feel like you deserve this.”

The stone façade he’d worked so hard to create in the past few minutes began to chip. His eyes being the first to show by the soft uprising of tears that you were right. Somewhere deep inside Jungkook believed that he deserved what happened to him. That this was punishment for losing a friend at his own hands, even if it wasn’t his fault to begin with. 

The tears that threatened to spill never did, but they were there. They floated dangerously at the surface of Jungkook’s control and he refused to let go. The rawness of his pain hit you and all you wanted was to help ease it. You weren’t sure if he would accept any kind of affection, even in a small hug. So your only option was to move closer to him. As close as he would allow without pushing you away. 

With each step you could see his jaw clenching tighter; pulsing like he was fighting from saying something wicked to send you skirting back. He was just as afraid of what you were about to do as you were at being the one to do it. 

When the tips of your shoes nudged against his you drew your eyes up until they landed on his. A spark of something; fear or uncertainty, flashed in his eyes. Was he expecting you to be cruel? To yell at him to stop being a child and to grow up? How much had he already heard those words shouted by adults? How long had he been standing there like this, in a world full of grief, and no one there to pull him out to breathe before the next wave suffocated him once more. 

You weren’t sure if it was you or if what you said would matter, but it was important he heard it. It was important he knew that this was okay too. 

“You got to forgive yourself sometime, Jungkook.”

The words themselves were simple. Simple and spoken between you as if there was a secret meant only for the two of you to hear. All you really wanted was for him to feel the sincerity of your words for him to know it was okay. Okay to feel sad, unsure, and helpless at times when all the world felt against you. It was okay to not know your first steps and okay to take those first steps when you were ready. Eventually, we needed to forgive, if only to give ourselves the chance to heal and move on. 

His gaze was still misty with unshed tears and still they refused to fall. The pain and defiance that had turned his features harsh began to soften. All that hardness he struggled to keep himself in and others out was beginning to fade and the only thing left was him. All that sunshine that you’d seen lived in his smile and echoed in his laughter that crinkled in the corners of his eyes. The way he cared for others and making them feel cared for. The softness of his singing and the way he eagerly filmed people at their most vulnerable: at their most beautiful. 

It was at this moment you felt your universe shift and tip until it realigned itself. With your fingers back to holding the edges of his shirt it took everything in you not to close those final inches and hug him. Jungkook closed that distance for you instead. 

His lips crashing down on your cheeks causing a soft squeak of surprise to push free from your lips. A chuckle came as he came back into view and your mind struggled to comprehend what happened. 

It wasn’t a kiss on the lips but…

“Did you just kiss my cheek?”

Your hand was up to the aforementioned spot. A wicked smile wiping away all of his sadness until you weren’t sure if it had been real at all or if you’d imagined it. 

“I could kiss your lips if you’d like that instead.” 

If your cheeks could get any hotter you could’ve fried food on them. You felt a surge of disappointment when Jungkook took a reluctant step back from you as his eyes dropped to check the time on his phone.

“As much as I hate to say this: I have to go.”

“All of the sudden you have to go,” you huffed. 

Your words felt brave, but inside your heart was thundering wildly against your chest. 

“I could stay if you want?”

Smoother than expected, Jungkook slid his way back to you. His chest bumping against you making you lose your footing just enough that it forced you to grab on to his shirt. Jungkook’s own hand had moved behind your back to steady you and bring you closer to him all at once. 

You playfully smacked his chest and earned a soft laugh from him. Unfortunately, you found yourself peeling away from him. Your hands grasping at the strap of your bag to keep them from reaching back out for him. 

“Not a chance.”

Your reply earned a playful pout from him as he started walking backwards away from you. 

“I’ll remember that, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and turned around to start walking the rest of the way home. You didn’t get more than a few feet before he called back to you. Your eyes found him instantly in a crowd of people that continued to pass in front of him.

“I forgot to ask: what’s your number!”

He held up a pen expecting you to come back to him and write it down presumably on his arm or hand. You didn’t see any paper and could only assume. You knew it was all just a ploy to get you to come to him. The knowledge evident by the wicked grin on his face. 

“You’re a math wiz, right?” Jungkook was perplexed for a second before you started reciting your number as loud as you were willing to shout it. The wind blew it away as he no doubt struggled to listen. 

“Wow! What a way to play dirty.”

“If it’s meant to be you’ll figure it out.”

And maybe that was true. Maybe you both had a chance to write your own love story like from the movies and shows you used to watch with your mom. Like Rose and Jack from Titanic or Ross and Rachel...okay...maybe more like Chandler and Monica. Or maybe you were an idiot and should’ve just gone and wrote it down. It was too late now as he was already on the other side of the street. 

You were ready to walk the rest of the way kicking yourself for being so lame when you heard him call your name again. When you turned you didn’t expect him to be trotting across the road. You didn’t expect him to stop in front of you and give you another quick kiss on the cheek, this one gentler than before, with every fiber of your body remembering just how soft his lips felt. 

“I could fall in love with you, ya know.”

You watched as in the same breath he hopped back across the street and couldn’t help but think you already had. 

————-

Later that night you were snuggled up inside the sheets of your bed. The only thing sticking out was the current book you were reading and the top of your head. 

You hadn’t heard from Jungkook the rest of the day. Your heart hammered inside your chest every time your phone chimed with a new message only to deflate when you realized it wasn’t him. You loved your friends and all, but they weren’t who you’d been looking forward to all evening. 

Maybe you should’ve just gone to him and written down your number. Like a normal human being would’ve done. You just had to be clever and yell it out like a lunatic. For all you knew, you could end up with a random stranger texting you at all hours. 

Your current book that you were supposed to be reading but couldn’t really read because you couldn’t focus was now face planted onto your nose. A soft groan echoing into its pages as you fought not to close it and throw it somewhere in your room. You were a hundred percent sure you’d read the same sentence a few dozen times at this point. 

In the morning, you decided, you most definitely were just going to write it down. Like a sane person would’ve done. You closed your book and placed it down beside you. Your eyes roaming up to stare at your ceiling and wondering if you were ever actually going to go to sleep when your phone chimed off. 

You weren’t in any hurry to look. It could just be your parents from the restaurant making sure you were in bed. It could be one of your friends asking about making plans this weekend. It was probably still everyone but Jungkook and yet…

Your curiosity got the better of you. You shuffled inside your comforter, reached an arm out to grab your phone from the nightstand, and quickly pulled it back inside. You waited for your facial ID to unlock the screen to see who or what you’d received. Your own mind hyping up the suspense of the moment until it read over a reminder text from your dad about your chores for the upcoming weekends. 

You hated you’d let yourself have even a glimmer of hope. It was official. You’d ruined your chances when it came to giving out your number. A groan was creeping its way up your throat as you quickly sent back a text. You knew your chores took over almost every weekend. Even when you’d made plans with friends, you’d ended up never going. 

As soon as you’d hit send you were rolling over to put your phone back on your nightstand. The shrill sound of pinging messages stopped you cold. There was no way your dad had learned to text back that fast. You laid yourself flat back against the mattress and brought the phone to hover above your face. 

Y/N?

Is this the right number finally? 

Hello?!!

If this is the wrong person, I’m sorry. I swear I’m not crazy. Just looking for a girl. 

Your heart leapt into your throat. It was beating so hard you were scared it would burst from your chest. Your eyes were still skimming over the line of text messages when another one sounded. You were so caught up in reading the next line you weren’t aware your clammy fingers had let the phone slip and it crash landed down on your face. 

“Ooow!”

One hand scrambled to pick it back up off your face, while the other massaged the now swelling brim of your nose. 

How many people have you texted before me?

There wasn’t a need to send a hi. To give him a coy response to continue to tease him or make him believe he’d gotten it wrong again. Your curiosity at the desperate way he seemed to have been looking for you was endearing. The thought that he’d spent so much time sending out random messages for a response, no matter how crazy he looked, felt silly but cute too. 

Jungkook thought you were worth the trouble. 

OH MY GOD IS IT REALLY YOU?! And maybe like... seventeen. 

You snuggled deeper into your comforter as a soft giggle joined the growing smile across your face. 

I’m sorry I should have just wrote it down when you offered the pen lol

It definitely would’ve made it a lot easier.

You’d asked yourself that question all evening while you’d waited for him. You bit your lips as your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Unsure if you should take the chance and tell him. 

“Screw it,” you whispered as you typed. 

Took you long enough. I’ve been waiting forever. 

Well, I’m sorry to keep you waiting. This girl thought it was a good idea to shout random numbers at me 😅😂.

Your head was shaking as you tried to figure out something witty to say. You couldn’t believe you were here. Inside your comforter cave smiling at your phone like a lunatic and wondering if maybe Jungkook was doing the same. Or what was he even doing? You were getting ready to type out that exact question when your phone pinged to life. 

So, ugh, on to more important matters. It read. I was thinking about your love of random facts and I think I got one for you. 

Ooooooo kekeke this should be good 

Do you want to know it or not? 

Okay okay! Lol please tell me Kookie

You could practically feel him screaming through your phone as a sideways glance emoji was sent back in a long lined response. You wondered if you’d completely ruined his fact telling when your phone went off. 

I found this article that said the chances of finding your soulmate out of 500,000,000 people was impossible. But, if you just place it to where you are, to your age group, and timing it narrows it down to a 1 in 10,000 chance. What I’m trying to get at is...I think your my 1 in 10,000

You read the message on repeat. Over and over until you were sure you’d practically memorized it front and back. You wanted to ask him for his source material. Where such an article could exist. None of that really mattered to you and how could it? 

You must have spaced out because you never sent him a reply. Your thoughts were still spinning in a world all their own as you wondered if he was sitting at his desk doing homework or lying in bed. If he was inside or outside and what had made him so brave to send that message: believing you felt the same. 

The vibration of the phone brought you back down to earth. You expected to see question marks or another line of, “Hello?” To have left him on read. Instead, the only thing that greeted you was a simple, Goodnight, Y/N. 

This time there was no hesitation from you. 

Goodnight, Jungkook

See you in the morning ?

His text felt so hopeful. A silent undertone that if you said no there was a chance you’d break him. You bit your lip as you thought about what this meant. The beginning of small promises that eventually grew into bigger ones. 

I’ll meet you at the gate

You both finished up with another round of good night’s that felt like the embarrassing texting equivalent of “no you hang up! No you!” And placed your phone back on your night stand. It took forever for the sandman to finally claim you. Your dreams consisting of the magic of being Jungkook’s 1 in 10,000. 

[twiceinadream]

“Say you won’t let me go.”

Requested: Yup

Request: wishful thinking part 2??

a/u: I hope you guys like the story. This is the song that helped me get through my rough patch when I wrote the original, “Wishful thinking.” Thank you guys for all the support, I love you all! Please stay safe and wash your hands!

Part: 1.) “Wishful thinking.”

Background: This picks up right where, “Wishful thinking.” ended.

Category: Fluff and Angst

Word Count: 3.6k

You let out a breath as you sat back into your pillows, your phone thrown somewhere on your bed or on the floor, you honestly couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Your emotions were crashing into you like waves as you placed your head in your hands. You wanted to think, but your mind just seemed to be a blur of more emotions.

Somewhere between the tears and the empty feeling in your chest, you had fallen asleep. Your dreams that night were plagued with images of Jihyo. The once love of your life haunting your sleep, as you tossed and turned beneath your sheets.

When morning arrived you weren’t given the courtesy of peace or time to think on what had happened the night before as you jolted out of bed. A thunder of fists pounding on your door practically scared you awake, as you rushed out of your room and ran towards the door, using your hands to smooth down your hair before tugging the door open.

As soon as the barrier between you and the outside world swung open, you blinked as you took in the sight of the eight women standing before you, a solemn look on all their faces as they took in your appearance. Your eyes were bloodshot and puffy, your hair was still somewhat sticking up and you were wearing your day clothes from yesterday.

Nayeon closed her eyes as she let out a sigh, “Y/N, I...we’re really sorry. I swear we had no idea that Ji…” Nayeon cut herself off as she saw the way you flinched at the mere mention of your ex-girlfriend, “Sorry. I mean, we had no idea what she was doing to you. If we had known we would have told you sooner so you wouldn’t be...” You held your hands up to stop the eldest member as you gave them a tight smile.

“Thank you, really, but this isn’t your guy’s fault. You don’t need to be sorry for something you guys had nothing to do with. I appreciate the sentiment, but none of you have anything to apologize for.” They looked at you sadly as a similar thought seemed to cross all their minds.

‘Why did Jihyo ever give up someone like you?’

Jeongyeon gave you a small smile as she shouldered her way past Nayeon, “Well, even if you say we have nothing to be sorry about, we still wanted to give you a few things since we’re your friends Y/N. We all care about you and just wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself.” The second eldest held up the bags in her hands, as the rest of the members followed suit with bags of their own, “So, may we come in?”

-

Your apartment erupted with laughter as Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung re-enacted a very over exaggerated story they were telling from their adventures during Twicelights. Using your furniture to jump from different spots around your living room, as Chaeyoung insisted that was how they stopped the robber from getting away and saving some lady’s purse.

You couldn’t help but laugh along with the members as they made you temporarily forget the true purpose of their visit. Your heart felt light as you clutched your stomach, leaning against Sana as you both laughed out loud. But, just as Jeong and Chae were getting to the climax of their story, Dahyun stood up to get their attention. “I’m sorry, I have to stop this now, but our schedules start soon and the vans are outside waiting for us.” The eldest maknae frowned at you slightly as the rest of her members began rising from their sitting positions, “I’m sorry we have to go, Y/N. We’ll be back tonight, we promise!”

You nod in understanding as a smile plays on your lips, “It's no problem, guys. Thank you for coming this morning and bringing all this,” you motion to your kitchen that is full of bags upon bags of food, “and just being here for me. It means a lot. Have fun today guys!” The members smile as you lead them to your front door, each of them giving you a hug as they leave. You smile as Chaeyoung tells you one last joke as she heads down the hallway, as you turn your head you are greeted with Sana staring back at you. A soft smile on her lips as she pulls you into a hug.

You felt as though your breath had been knocked out of you with the tightness of her grip, but you eventually eased into it as you hugged her back. It felt as though the world stopped as you two held each other, reluctantly pulling away when you heard the rest of Twice call for Sana. The Japanese girl smiled as she placed a kiss to your cheek, placing her palm where her lips were seconds ago, “Take care of yourself, Y/N-ah. And know we’ll always be here for you.” You nodded as you watched Sana walk down the hallway, waving as she got into the elevator.

You sighed as you replayed the moment Sana had kissed you, your hand went up to hold the spot where you could still feel Sana’s lingering kiss. A giddy smile taking over your features as you slumped into your couch, “Oh my god!”

However, your mood suddenly turned sour as you realized that you were starting to catch feelings for the Japanese girl. Sana! One of your ex’s members! You put your hands over your face as you let out a loud sigh, “Oh my god.”

-1 Week Later-

Sana smiled to herself as she left the company building. Finishing her schedules early as she decided it was a nice enough day for a walk then maybe go out for lunch afterwards. A skip in her step as she happened to notice the high rises around her, realizing she had wandered into your neighborhood. She reached for her phone to text you, only to find it completely dead. Sana frowned as she put her phone back into her purse. Shrugging as a smile graced her lips, making the quick walk to your building to see if you would be interested in having lunch with her.

The Japanese girl padded quietly through the hall of your floor, before reaching your door; knocking on the oak. There was a beat of silence, then nothing. Sana furrowed her eyebrows as she knocked again, a confused look on her face as she suddenly scrunched up her nose. ‘Am I smelling smoke?’ She sniffed the air again when she suddenly realized the smell was coming from inside your apartment.

Thinking on instinct alone, Sana quickly scrambled to grab the extra set of keys she carried in her purse; jiggling the key ring till she got the one for your apartment alone in her fingers. Making quick work of the lock as she burst through your front door, the smell of smoke quickening her steps towards your kitchen. However as she turned the corner into the little cooking area of your apartment the sight that greeted her was something she had not been anticipating.

She shook her head to get rid of all the other thoughts swirling in her mind as she ran towards your stove. Turning off the burner before grabbing the pot of smoldering papers and pictures as she threw it into the sink and turned on the water, putting out the flames. Scanning it’s contents briefly, as she made out written notes (that she could have only assumed belong to Jihyo) and singed pictures of you and your ex.

Sana bit her lip as your hiccupped sobs began to fill her ears, a deep pang of hurt filled her chest as she turned to face you, “Hey, hey. You’re okay, Y/N.”

Your tears clouded your vision but you could tell by the sound of the girl’s voice that it was, Sana. The Japanese girl held you close as you broke down in her arms, curling against her as you balled her shirt in your fists. Holding her closer to you as you sobbed into her, “Pl...please don’t let me go, Sana. Say you w..won’t let me...me go.”

You hiccuped as your words tumbled from your lips, you took in shuddering breaths as Sana cuddled you closer to her, she rubbed your back comfortingly, “Let it out Y/N. It’s okay, I‘m right here. I won’t let you go, I promise.” You nodded as you closed your eyes breathing in the Japanese girl’s perfume. Sana smiled softly as she placed a kiss to your forehead, an instinct she picked up from comforting her members, “It’s alright Y/N-ah. I’m right here, breathe.”

Sana held you close to her chest as she rocked you in her arms, sitting on your kitchen floor. After a half-hour your tears had finally ceased and you raised your head from the Japanese girl’s hold, smiling as you got up. Stretching out your hand to help her up, as you pulled her into a hug, “Thank you.” She smiled and nodded, casting a lingering glance at the pot in the sink. Watching you yawn as she grabbed your hand and pulled you towards your bedroom.

“You should get some sleep, Y/N-Chan. You’ve been through a lot today.” Sana said as she untucked your sheets, urging you under the covers.

You bit the bullet as you grabbed her wrist, stopping her from leaving, “Can you stay with me? Please?” A hopeful smile adorned your face as Sana agreed, unable to resist the puppy eyes you were giving her.

“Okay.” She slid into the bed next to you, and held you in her arms, kissing your head once again as Sana felt you relax in her arms, already asleep. “Rest well, Y/N. I won’t let you go.”

-6 Months Later-

You and Sana had been cuddling on the dorm room couch watching the latest episode of a drama, when the front door suddenly opened and you turned to lock eyes with your ex-girlfriend. It felt as though a million different emotions crossed your faces in the seconds it took your eyes to register you were staring back at each other. Until Jihyo’s eyes drifted to the girl you were holding.

Sana.

The leader suddenly felt as though her heart had been stabbed with a knife, as a deep throbbing pain seemed to fill her chest as she looked between you and Sana. Your hands still intertwined as you all stared back at one another, the bags in Jihyo’s hands felt heavier than she remembered as she felt herself begin to tremble. She made quick work of the things she was holding as she just simply threw them onto the counter, her breath hitching in her throat as you and Sana had turned back to the television. Ignoring her.

But, no matter how hard she tried, she still couldn’t escape the feeling of utter betrayal she felt. Sana had gone behind her back and was now dating you. You! Her ex!

Jihyo bit her lip as she made her way down the hall, not daring a second glance at the two of you on the couch. Tears threatened to spill out as she slammed the door to her shared room, whimpers bubbling from her lips as she dug the heels of her palms into her eyes to stop the tears from slipping out. Anger coursed through her body as the Korean girl did everything in her power to not march over to Sana’s bed and throw everything off of it. Her hands clenched into fists as she slammed them down onto the mattress of her bed, fighting off her urge to scream into the silence of the room.

As the sound of the door slamming echoed throughout the dorm, you and Sana looked at each other with worried expressions. “I should probably go check on her.” Your girlfriend said as she moved out of your arms to stand. But, before she could make it two steps away from the couch, you caught Sana’s wrist in your hand to grab her attention.

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean for her to see us. Whatever she says to you, just know it’s my fault and I’m sorry.” You frowned as Sana gave you a small smile, squeezing your hand in reassurance before leaning down to peck you on the cheek.

“Whatever happens we’re in this together. And...I love you Y/N.” The Japanese girl smiled weakly as she let the “L” word slip.

Your eyes widened in surprise at the word, before your features softened, “I...I love you too, Sana.” As the words were spoken you let go of Sana’s hand as she made the journey down the hall, taking in a deep breath before grasping the doorknob and pushed the door open. She was immediately greeted with the sight of a conflicted looking Jihyo, numerous emotions passing in her eyes as she looked at the older girl.

Tension filled the air as they stared at each other. Then the wall of silence was shattered as Jihyo finally spoke.

“How could you do this to me, Sana!? I trusted you, and you betrayed me!” Jihyo couldn’t hold back her flood of tears any longer as she pointed an accusing finger at the older girl, “How could you go sneaking around behind my back with Y/N! I trusted you, Sana!”

Sana looked at her leader in disbelief, for the first time not an ounce of respect was in her eyes for the younger girl, “Yeah, and Y/N trusted you!”

As Sana’s words left her mouth the room suddenly became silent, a deep pang of guilt echoed throughout Jihyo’s chest as the Japanese girl’s words sank in. “Get out.” The words were spoken barely above a whisper, but Sana had heard it clear as day.

The elder of the two now looked more serious as she eyed her leader, “What?”

“Get out!” Jihyo exploded at Sana as the Japanese girl quickly left the room, followed by the door being slammed behind her. Jihyo let out a shaky breath as she sank to her knees, a sob ripped out from her chest as she began to feel the most intense pang of guilt overwhelm her as she thought of you. How heartbroken she had left you. How lost and hurt you probably felt.

And it was all because of her.

Jihyo let out a long sigh as she sniffed back a few more tears before she got back to her feet. You deserve an explanation and an apology, she knew she at least owed you that much. She wiped her eyes one more time, not caring for how red or puffy they were as she let out a shaky breath. Mustering up her courage to open the door and finally face you. Her body worked faster than her mind as she opened up the door and made her way down the hallway, and stepped into the living room. Only to be met with nine pairs of eyes staring back at her.

The rest of the members crowded around you and Sana as they eyed their leader. “I have something to say.” Nayeon raised an eyebrow at the younger girl as she stepped closer to you.

“And what could you possibly say, to make any of this better? We heard what you said to Sana, so you better choose your next words very carefully.” The eldest crossed her arms as her gaze bore holes into Jihyo.

“I just want to say that, I’m really sorry Y/N. What I did was wrong and unforgivable. I can see that now.”

The atmosphere seemed to have grown cold as Jihyo finished her small apology to you. Her words mostly fell on deaf ears as you sighed, shaking your head. “What good does this do to me now Jihyo? And how is it that you suddenly have the gall to stand there and apologize to me now, when you couldn’t even work up the guts to just break up with me. Do you even have an idea of what you did to me? What, you, put me through? How many nights I had to cry myself to sleep because you weren’t there beside me. Do you know what it feels like to have the love of your life go and cheat on you?” You looked at her with fire in your eyes, venom dripping from every word that left your mouth as you threw your hands in the air. “Of course you don’t! Because I loved you! I actually cared about you!” You let out a sharp breath, shaking your head.

“Do you have any clue how much it hurts to find out you’re just someone’s afterthought; when all you tried to do was give that person the world. When you left me, I felt worthless. You made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of being loved, like you just stood there as you watched me try in vain to pick up the pieces of myself that you smashed to the ground. And you have the audacity to tell my girlfriend that she was the one who betrayed you!? Sana was the first person to ever take all my broken pieces and put me back together, no matter how many times she may have gotten cut, she never gave up on me. She showed me what true love really is. Sana makes me feel alive and like I’m worth something. She makes me happier than I ever was with you. And even if by some cruel twist of fate that we don’t work out, I’ll take this heartbreak over any second chance I could ever get from you.”

You clicked your tongue as you spared one last look at Jihyo, “But, still. Even with all the pain you put me through, I have to thank you. Because without you,” You gave Sana a small smile as you laced your fingers together, then turned towards your ex, “I wouldn’t have found the love of my life.”

You frowned as you could see your words sinking into your ex’s heart, watching an all too familiar hurt fill her eyes. The same hurt that filled you the night when your world came crashing down, and it honestly didn’t feel as good as you thought it would. But, nothing either of you could ever say would reverse what’s already been done. You let out a sigh as you spare her one last look, “You’ve said your piece and I’ve said mine. There’s nothing more we have left to say to each other, I just wish you the best of luck.”

And with that said, you turned towards the door; Sana’s hand in yours as the members part for the two of you. Leaving the dorm with a heavy heart you both walk in silence. You finally turn to stare into your girlfriend’s eyes, a small smile finally breaking onto your face.

“Let’s go home.” Sana returns your smile as she leans against your side, swaying the two of you as you walk.

“Then, home it shall be.”

-

Later that night, when everything in your apartment was silent, dirty dishes were left in the sink as moonlight spilled through your curtains. The blue glow outlining your sleeping figure in the darkness of your bedroom, as your even breathing sounded like a metronome to the girl beside you. Your face relaxed as all of the day's events seemed to have disappeared from your mind as you slept peacefully against the warmth of your girlfriend.

Sana couldn’t help the smile on her lips as she watched you sleep, her eyes traced your features as you let out a breath. The Japanese girl moved her hand up to cup your face, stroking your cheek with her thumb as she thought about what caused your bond to form, Sana sighed as the memories of your guy’s relationship ran through her mind, ‘Maybe Y/N really is my soulmate.’

Sana just shook her head a little at the thought as she placed a soft kiss to your forehead, smiling to herself as she cuddled up against you and closed her eyes as sleep began to take her. Your scent filling her senses as a fleeting thought left her mind, ‘That’s just wishful thinking.’

[the-hilda-librarians-wife]

A Familiar Soul - Chapter Two

Summary: Hilda decides to be completely honest with her mother, surprised when she seems to be a lot more in on magic than Hilda had expected her to be.

With her daughter’s association with witches, Johanna is forced to face some secrets of her own, bringing her back to feelings and people she’d rather have left behind

Dealing with insecurities and inner demons of her own, Kaisa finds herself face to face with the very issues that brought her to be so displeased with her own abilities

Or: the one where Johanna is Kaisa’s familiar

Notes:  Hey there! Just wanted to mention that Henrietta being the name for the tall witch from the Committee comes from @cinnamon-sparrow-scout! Hope you enjoy!

Read it on ao3: (chpt1) (chpt2)

Being in the library again after all those years was a strange feeling, to say the least, having avoided it like the plague ever since she was eighteen. Going to that place had always been the most surefire way to find her, which was the last thing she’d wanted to do. Unfortunately, that was exactly what Johanna had come for that day.

The scent of old books and the sounds of pages turning and patrons whispering were all familiar to her like a song she liked but hadn’t heard in a long time. Simultaneously unpleasant and nostalgic, those sensations made her feel like squirming, as if suddenly her skin was too tight. She kept herself composed and continued walking, though. There was a reason why she was there.

It didn’t take Johanna long to spot the librarian’s book cart between two shelves on the first floor, as if it had been put there to close the entrance to the small corridor the space between the shelves formed. It was a clear sign that Kaisa would be there, reshelving.

Johanna squared her shoulder, trying to make herself look braver than she felt. The part of the library they were in was secluded, which served her just fine. She rolled the cart forward to allow herself in and walked closer.

With her headphones on, it took Kaisa a moment to notice she had company. She turned her head to the other woman with a disapproving face, expecting to see a patron which hadn’t respected the ‘do not enter’ message that the cart positioned at the entrance gave. Now Johanna could see why that corridor would need to be closed for reshelving: the two shelves were so close that Kaisa was all but cornered by Johanna in the narrow corridor.

The librarian was good at masking her emotions, always had been. However, even if just for a second before she picked herself up, her eyes widened and her eyebrows shot upward at the sight of Johanna. Good, Johanna thought, I hope I gave the bastard a good fright.

“You need to stop this.” Johanna said with a resolution in her voice she didn’t really feel all the way in her soul. Already recomposed, Kaisa crossed her arms over her chest and deliberately lifted an eyebrow.

“Well, hello to you too.”

“I mean it.” Johanna walked closer, fully aware that she was being rude to someone she hadn’t talked to in so long. Seeing Kaisa again after so much time had gone by awakened something in her which made her want to cry, scream, and kiss her stupid face all at once. “Even you are better than this. Is this some sort of revenge? Trying to put my daughter in danger as well?”

Kaisa blinked, the confidence on her face wavering. In the few moments she’d had, she hadn’t even managed to recover from the shock of seeing Johanna again, a ghost of the past in the middle of her books, and now another blow was thrown at her.

“Daughter?” She asked, hating the disbelief in her voice.

“You know what I mean. You’ve been helping Hilda get herself in trouble, and what for? Getting back at me?”

“Oh, so Hilda is your daughter, is she?” The moments she’d spent with the girl were replayed in Kaisas’s mind, and with this added layer of knowledge, she could now see there had been something about the girl that had struck her as familiar. The irony of Hilda being Frida’s familiar did not escape her either; maybe it was something of a genetic trait? “Congratulations, I would never have guessed such a lovely girl would have been raised by you.”

With one firm step forward, Kaisa tried to squeeze herself between the shelf to her left and Johanna. She wanted that conversation to be over. It was too overwhelming for her to keep up her act of calm for much longer. No such luck, however, since Johanna slid herself to the right and blocked her way.

“You mean you didn’t know she was my daughter?” There was a hint of doubt in her voice when she asked. “Why do it, then? Get her involved with magic?”

“I do not spend nearly as much time thinking about you as you seem to think I do.” Kaisa huffed as she bumped on Johanna’s shoulder with her own, trying to get her to move so as to allow her out. “It’s not my fault she has a wild heart. I just hope she doesn’t let her selfish mother get in the way of what she loves.”

“Stay away from my child, Kaisa.” Johanna glared down into the witch’s eyes. “You know nothing about who I am, so keep my name out of your mouth.”

Kaisa met her gaze with as much intensity, all of Johanna’s anger reflected on her eyes. Johanna didn’t think they’d ever had this bad of an argument before. Even when they had fought, Johanna hadn’t been one to pick the battle. There was one difference this time, though, and it was that this time, Hilda was involved.

“You are a coward, Johanna. I see that still hasn’t changed.” She said with a smug grin that Johanna was dying to slap off of her face. Having no interest in facing charges for attacking the librarian, she instead walked away with an angry groan, feeling like it was much easier to breathe once she was out of that corridor.

With the confrontation over, she noticed her heart rate had picked up pace, and that her breathing was ragged. Thoughts scrambled in her head just like emotions in her heart. Kaisa had to somehow know Hilda was her daughter. She desperately wanted it to be true, because then there would be a reason why her daughter was always going on those crazy quests, why she hadn’t been telling her anything. Because then Johanna would finally be able to tell herself that Kaisa was indeed bad.

And yet, with one small, tragic exception, she knew her old friend was not a liar.

She walked quickly, taking big strides. Her crowded mind made it so she didn’t take much of her surroundings in, until another voice she hadn’t heard in years reached her. It was melodic and overly sweet, at least when she was calm, and Johanna turned her head to see the woman sitting on one of the more comfortable armchairs in the library.

“Johanna? Is that you?”

The woman’s long hair was split in the middle, one half of it orange and the other a creamy white. Johanna remembered that when she was a child, that hair used to remind her of a calico cat. Instead of her usual black dress, she was wearing another ankle lenghted dress, dark pink with a brown sweater on top. Something about seeing her out of her witch clothes made Johanna uncomfortable, or maybe it was just because of the encouter she’d just had.

“Abigail.” She greeted. “Yes, it’s me. Been a long time, hasn’t it?”

“Oh, how much you’ve grown!” Abigail said, and Johanna had stop herself from saying she hadn’t aged at all. For some reason, Abigail looked surprised to see her there, and Johanna figured it was probably just because it had been a long time since they last saw each other, and not the best circumstances either.

The witch’s gaze was focused on a spot behind Johanna, and she glanced at it for long enough to realize Abigail was looking at where Johanna had just come from, where Kaisa, too, was now leaving from among the shelves.

“Pity, isn’t it?” Abigail said unprompted. “Such a promising witch, she’d been. And yet, she turned out to be so… self-centered.”

Johanna sighed, hugging her torso. “I agree. I once thought I knew her, you know. I cared about her, deeply. But now I’m afraid she doesn’t even deserve my compassion. I recently found out she had been endangering my child.”

Abigail brought a hand to her heart with a soft, almost inaudible gasp. “This upsets you, doesn’t it?” She asked in a low voice.

“Deeply. She’s… she’s doing to Hilda the same she did to herself. It’s happening right in front of my eyes, and I can allow it no longer.”

“You mean the blue haired girl?” Her head was tilted to the side. “Oh, I’ve seen the sort of thing she does with Kaisa’s support… they’re certainly not fit for a little girl. You are a good mother to try and protect her. I, too, shall see what I can do to try and keep her safe.”

Johanna let out a heavy sigh. Few things could stop Kaisa when she had something on her mind, and much less Hilda, but having an ally in the Committee of Three was something of a win. She knew very well about the power they had.

“Thank you, Abigail. It was good to see you again.”

“The pleasure was all mine, dear.”

The witch had barely finished speaking when a shrill hiss interrupted her.

“Abigail, what are you doing?”

Abigail turned to look behind herself, and Johanna noticed the voice, which she also recognized, was coming from a gap before two bookshelves that hadn’t been there before. Another one of the many secret passages the witches had.

“”Henrietta.” Abigail exhaled. “Must you be this way? I’m just talking.”

“With a non-witch!” The other woman snapped. From the gap, Johanna could only see her black clothes and hair split in half, the same colours as her younger sister’s.

“We can’t go our lives without talking to non-witches, you know?”

Henrietta glared at Abigail in a way that Johanna was sure had a meaning between them. Uncomfortably, she noted that they still talked about her as if she wasn’t in the room.

“Well, maybe we should. This place is witch sacred space! You shouldn’t be communing with them here!”

Before they could continue their argument, Johanna cleared her throat.

“I was already going anyway. Good evening.”

As she walked away from the library hastily, she wasn’t sure if in that visit she’d managed to solved her problems, or only to create more.

_#_#_#_

With her small hands, she placed the violets on the cold stone, one upon each grave. Kaisa didn’t like picking flowers. She knew it hurt the plant and often upset the nature spirits that took care of it. For her parents, though, she made an exception, and when she was allowed to visit them she’d always bring them a flower.

Their graves were side by side, just like they would want them to be. Kaisa remembered few things about her mother, because the woman had died when she wasn’t much more than a baby, but she’d heard stories about her. After she got pregnant and revealed that she had a non-witch lover, the witch community had been revolted. Heartbroken at not having her kind accept that romance, she’d decided to leave any affiliation with witch kind behind.

It was a noble decision, Kaisa thought, but not a very smart one. For her choice, she had her magic completely removed, and it made her terribly weak. Even though sometimes witches would take long to manifest their magic, they always had it in them, and taking it away was the same as cutting apart a piece of their soul. Her mother had gotten weaker and weaker, the harrowing experience of childbirth only making her situation worse, which eventually led to her death.

Without the woman he loved, Kaisa’s father hadn’t lasted long. He was with her for long enough for Kaisa to remember the sound of his laughter, which had always felt forced, the scent of the porrige he used to make them every morning, and to fill her young head with stories of how great her mother had been before she had her magic stripped from her simply for loving, how she’d been the most powerful and wise member of the Committee Of Three. Then, illness had taken him.

Her father had no parents in Trolberg, and her mother had no close family to speak of (none that hadn’t disowned her, anyway), so at a very young age Kaisa had been on the verge of being completely alone. Luckily, her mother had had one friend left, one woman who didn’t agree with the rest of the witches, and who had been kind enough to take Kaisa in.

“Come, little one.” Tildy said gently as she put a hand on the child’s shoulders. “Let’s go home.”

“Why don’t they come to visit me?” Kaisa asked suddenly, making the older woman involuntarily squeeze her shoulder. “Ghosts come to visit what was theirs, you said so yourself. But then why won’t they come visit me? Do they blame me for what happened?”

Tildy made her way to stand in front of her and kneeled down to her level. Age was beginning to make her movements less agile, but it wasn’t something that she ever allowed to stop her. Gazing into the girl’s big, melancholic eyes, she knew there was a long road ahead to get her to heal from the terrible experiences she’d had at such a young age. No child should have such a thought on their mind.

“Oh, sweetheart, of course they don’t blame you.” Resisting the urge to lock Kaisa in a tight hug, Tildy cooed. “You see, ghosts don’t usually come to visit people because… the thing with loved ones is, eventually they die too. And then everyone’s together again! It’s not because they don’t like you at all. They loved you so much, little one. You were a miracle in their eyes. I promise they’ll be looking at you with a lot of pride.”

Kaisa nodded. She didn’t look forward to dying, but at least she knew she’d see her parents again then. She knew what she had to do in this world, in the meanwhile.

The woman took her home again, and baked her her favorite cake, which she always did when she wanted to cheer her up. Kaisa was infinitely glad for Tildy’s warmth in her life, comforting and uplifting her. It was all she had. That, and the burning certainty in her soul that she had a debt to her mother which she had to pay.

She had to change the system that had gotten her killed, because even if Kaisa herself wasn’t the culprit of her death, she’d always feel responsible for her mother’s downfall if she didn’t do something. Kaisa would be great, she knew it. She would have to be if she wanted to make her mother proud.

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

Part 2

Summary: Soulmates have different ways of being connected to one another. Sometimes it’s through being able to write on their arms and having it show up on their soulmates. For others it was having their first words spoken to one another permanently tattooed into their skin. You had a unique connection with yours, one that you really hadn’t ever heard of happening before. Whatever song was stuck in your soulmate’s head was also stuck in yours and the same was for them. When Yoongi realizes one of his songs is playing on repeat in your head, he immediately takes to writing songs to communicate with you in hopes it will finally bring you two together.

Genre: Fluff. Just pure tooth rotting, sweet fluff.

Part 1   Part 3

“I’m a new generation Anpanman. I’m a new super hero Anpanman.” You let out a shout and throw the covers off and dart out of bed, having been startled by the loud music. You glance around the room trying to get your bearings when you see your friend dancing on the bed, waving around the army bomb and singing loudly. 

“What the fuck are you doing?! It’s almost 5 o clock in the morning!” 

“Exactly!”

“What are you-... OH.... It’s almost time for the comeback trailer!” You dart back into bed and pull out your friend’s lap top, waiting impatiently and constantly refreshing their youtube page for when the video will drop. 

“Y/n you don’t have to keep refreshing the page you know? They post it exactly on time.”

“But what if they’re early?!”

“Just trust me. You got 5 more minutes so just take a few deep breaths, calm.”

“I don’t know how you do this every comeback my nerves are shot and I haven’t even heard any of their songs yet.” 

“Yes you just did! Anpanman is one of theirs.” 

“Oh? Really? I liked that one! Can you play the whole thing?”

“Sure.” Your friend smiles and puts the song back on and you find yourself humming along even though you know you’ve never heard the whole thing. It just seems to come naturally. Your friend eyes you suspiciously. “Have you been a closet army this whole time?”

“Hmm, no. I just feel like I know this song I don’t know why.. It’s weird.” 

“You know the more you talk the more I am suspicious that someone in BTS might actually be your soulmate.” 

“Ah shush with that nonsense.” Suddenly your friend’s phone goes off with a notification. 

“THE VIDEO IS POSTED GO GO!” You refresh the page and sit to watch in complete awe. 

You watch as the camera pans down the hallway, the shadows lining it as it get closer to the man standing at the end of the hallway. When it finally reaches him your first thought is Holy shit he’s gorgeous. Which you must have voiced out loud if your friend giggling next to you was any indication. 

But then he opens his mouth and he starts to rap. And a sense of calm immediately washes over you. His voice makes you feel a sense of peace. It feels like you went away on a long trip and are finally coming home. You listen to his deep voice, and read the lyrics popping up on the bottom of the screen. 

I’m afraid, flying high is terrifying. No one told me how lonely it is up here. 

Tears well up in your eyes as you read this man’s most personal and deepest thoughts and fears. He’s sharing them with the world and you can’t help but admire him and think he’s brave for sharing this vulnerable side with all of his fans. When the colors and the beat begin to change to something harsher, something darker, It’s almost as if you’re in a trance. You don’t realize your friend had been gushing over the video and asking you questions because you’re too focused on everything happening. There is a weird feeling in your chest, like butterflies fluttering around in there. When the beat cuts out you’re left there for a few moments in silence. Without realizing it your hand is hovering over the replay button, and you push it, watching it again. Your friend doesn’t say anything, realizing what is happening and wants to give you this opportunity to figure it out yourself. You probably wouldn’t believe them anyway. 

After the second play through you sit there staring at the screen, mind buzzing with all these new thoughts in your head. 

“Y/n?” Your friend places a gentle hand on your shoulder and you immediately burst into tears. “Ah! No no why are you crying?”

“I don’t know. I just... goodness the emotions he puts into his lyrics and his performance you can feel everything. His fears, his worries, his sorrows, his hardships. I don’t even know what he’s been through but you can tell it’s a lot. And he said he’s lonely. That just makes me sad. And there’s this damn fluttering in my chest that won’t go away and his voice feels like home I don’t know what’s happening.” 

“Y/n... I think you know what’s going on.”

“Well if it is then this just sucks.” You pout and your friend pulls you into a hug.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because how are we supposed to find each other?! We don’t even live in the same country! And there’s no way for me to contact him and even if I did he’d probably think I was just some crazy delusional fan.” 

“Y/n the universe has a way of bringing soulmates together I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He’ll find a way. Trust me. They don’t call him Genius Min Yoongi for nothing.” You chuckle at that, feeling comforted by your friends words and encouragement. 

“Okay. I trust you. Can we watch it again?” 

“Of course.” 

Yoongi was right in the middle of eating dinner with the members when a familiar melody enters his head. He drops his chop sticks, mouth hanging open in shock as he processes what he is hearing. 

“Hyung? Yoongi?” Jimin places his hand on his shoulder but he continues to stare off and not say anything. The other members glance around with concerned looks on their faces. 

“Suga hyung?” Jungkook calls out. Yoongi shakes his head back and forth to clear his mind and when he looks up he finds 6 sets of eyes boring into his. “Soulmate troubles?” 

“No.. No it’s.. my song.” 

“What do you mean?” Namjoon questions. 

“It’s.. one of our songs. My song. Shadow. My soulmate has one of our songs stuck in their head.” Yoongi continues to stare at the table hard, like if he gazes hard enough an image of you will show up there. “My soulmate knows us. They know our songs, they listen to us. Oh thank God. At least now we have some kind of connection. I was sitting here thinking how in the hell am I ever going to find them but.. at least they know of my existence.” Yoongi sighs in relief before the questions start bombarding him and plaguing his mind. 

Sure they listen to your music but how are you going to find them? 

Them listening to your music doesn’t mean they’re suddenly going to pop into your life. 

What are you going to do? Walk down the street and hope you run into them humming one of your songs? You’re one of the most famous bands in the world right now everyone probably hums your songs. 

It’s impossible. Just give up you’re never going to find your soulmate. 

“Hey, Yoongi. Are you getting lost in your head again?” Hoseok reach over and taps his forehead. Yoongi bats his hand away and lets out a frustrated sigh. 

“This is fucking pointless.”

“What is?”

“So they listen to our music. A lot of people do. How am I supposed to find my soulmate with just this knowledge alone? Fate really likes to screw with me you know? It’s just dangling my soulmate right in front of me but always just out of reach and I hate this. I hate it so much.” Yoongi’s voice cracks but he wills the tears away. He’s cried enough over the fact that he’s never going to meet you and he needs to come to grips with that. Namjoon scolds him.

“Ah, Yoongi. I’m going to have to revoke your genius title.” Yoongi’s gaze shoots up to his and he’s not amused in the slightest.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Your soulmate listens to your music! This is great news!” Yoongi looks at Namjoon with a puzzled expression on his face. “Come on, Yoongi use that genius brain of yours. You’re a producer so what do you do?”

“Make music?”

“And how do you share a connection with your soulmate?”

“Though music? We get each other’s songs stuck in one another’s head.”

“So....”

“So...” Suddenly the lightbulb goes off. “I can write songs to help communicate with my soulmate!”

“There ya go.” Namjoon gives him a fond smile as Yoongi’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. 

“I need to go to the studio. Now. Even if it’s just a short 1 minute song I need to do something. Just to show that I know of their existence and that I won’t stop at anything until we can finally meet each other. Thank you guys so much.” Yoongi runs out of the restaurant as Taehyung calls after him. 

“Hyung it was your turn to pay!” 

“Shh! Taehyung this is more important! I’ll pay for you guys.” Jin offers. Yoongi doesn’t hear a word of it. A new found bounce in his step. He stares up at the sky with a smile on his face as he realize somewhere out there, you are looking at the same sky as him, and he feels like for the first time in a while he can finally breathe. 

*****

Tag list: @just-call-me-trash-can​ @thestral-balerion​ @xcastielbabyangelface​ @rukinamukami​ @anoesjkaax​

 For some reason these ones aren’t showing up as me being able to tag you idk why :( Sometimes if accounts are set to private it doesn’t work. @munkey888 @abby-as @lizardthewizzard @w1tchcraftt

[meigh-day]

Breathing Lilies (Tendou x Reader) - Part 3

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Title: Breathing Lilies

Characters: Tendou/Ushijima/OC Students/Reader

Includes: Hanahaki Disease, Angst

Status: Complete

Word Count: 1.4k

Previous Next

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The next day you found yourself trudging through the hallways, lunch in hand, intent on sitting with your friends. It had been a little while since the three of you had sat down to each lunch together and Tendou had made it pretty clear he was going to actually be in attendance so you had made up your mind to go. It was hard being so distant with him. You missed being around him, you missed his smile and the sound of his laugh. You missed his bad jokes and silly songs. Honestly, it was everything, you just missed him. So the prospect of sitting together again was very appealing, despite the way your chest twinged at the idea.

As you enter the lunch area, you pause, scanning the tables for a familiar head of spike ready hair. A smile starts to form on your lips as you see him and you can feel yourself start to move forward automatically but find your steps falter immediately. At his side, in your seat, was someone new. It was her.

Ushijima finds his gaze drifting across the lunchroom, spotting you easily by the entrance. He was about to wave you over but the look on your face stops him. You looked stunned, and confused but also like you were in pain. In fact, you were in pain. The sight of them at the table together, laughing and talking together, watching as Tendou gently wraps his arm around her and pulls her in. That...that was your spot...that used to be you. You avert your eyes, finding yourself staring back at Wakatoshi. There were no words you could have mustered to any of them in that moment, so instead you merely shake your head at him and leave.

As you hurry away you can feel that all to familiar tickle begin to manifest in your throat. You pause in an empty corridor to take a gulp of water but end up choking on it instead. It didn't stop there though, you can't seem to stop coughing, heavy dry coughs wrack your body. Tears stream down your cheek and you honestly weren't sure if it was from the coughing or the image of them sitting together that kept replaying over and over in your mind. As the coughing began to subside you felt like something was caught in your throat and stuck in your mouth. So as your use your sleeve to mop away the tears from your eyes you reach two finger into your mouth and grasp onto the foreign object. You turn your gaze onto the object in your grip and stare at it curiously.

It was bright red in color and seemed to curve a bit on the sides and edge. It was really rather pretty but what the hell was it and why was it in your mouth. As you pondered that you let your gaze drop and found several more of them down by your feet. You knelt down, intent of picking them up when it felt like something in your brain seemed to click. They looked like flower petals. In fact they greatly resembled the petals on red spider lilies.

For several minutes you sat there, staring at the petals.

Why were they in my mouth?

That question kept repeating itself in your mind, over and over. For days it plagued you, though deep in the back of your mind a thought kept rearing up. You knew why. You knew why it hurt to breath and why there were sharp pains in your chest. It was fairly obvious why it got worse when he was around, when he talked about her or when you saw them together. You'd started making up excuses to avoid having lunch with them and the few times he'd mentioned getting together you'd exaggerated the amount of work you had to do. You could tell he was sad the last time you had turned him down and couldn't help yourself from promising to get together soon. That seemed to cheer him up, for the moment at least.

Now you were sat in your room, unfocused eyes staring ahead through your curtain of hair. Your head was pounding and your cheeks were tear stained from the lengthy coughing fit you had just endured. Long red petals fluttered around you, coming to rest in your lap and across the floor.

You don't even hear him come in despite his polite knocking and the verbal announcement of his impeding entry into your room. So when you suddenly see a pair of legs in front of you it helps snap you back to reality, sitting upright as best you could and sending the long thin red petals that had gathered in your lap, fluttering to the floor.

"Y/N...what is all this?" He questions as his eyes take in the sight of your room, flower petals scattered across the floor and you in the middle of them all. You were propped up against the side of your bed, legs splayed out in front of you, head bowed.

Though at the sound of his voice you slowly raise your face up to meet his concerned gaze. You looked exhausted and as he drew closer the raspy sound of your slow breathing reached his ears. Something was...off...and he couldn't quite pin down what it was but you were more sick than you had been letting on and there was no way it was just a normal cold.

"Hey 'Toshi..." You whisper out, offering up a weak smile.

"Hey..." He stared down at you for a moment, his steps leading him to stand directly before you. "What's going on?" He dropped slowly down into a crouch, his large hand reaching out and grasping a few of the petals from your lap, eyeing them curiously as he waited for you to reply.

"Nu...nothing. I was feeling tired...and...then...I dropped these.." You couldn't even come up with a good excuse in your current state, mind too exhausted to lie. However, you were also unwilling to tell him the truth, so you gave it a shot anyway.

Ushijima remained silent for a moment, mulling over your weak ass excuse, before turning his eyes on you. His brought his hand up to your face and gently plucked something from off your bottom lip. Your eyes went a little wide when you saw another red petal sticking out from between his fingers.

"Try again." It was almost like he was challenging you to try and lie, yet more of a command to be honest. It was clear he wasn't buying it.

"I...I really do feel tired." You manage to mumble out, your eyes starting to go glossy as the urge to cry began to build.

"Yes, that I can believe. Now what is this." He said referencing the petals in his grip.

"Flower petals..." The tight feeling in your chest was returning as you petulantly avoided the question you knew he wanted answered.

"I can see that...." Ushijima was not necessarily a patient man but he was stubborn and knew he would need to push gently. "Why are they all over your room....and your mouth?"

"I...I don't..." You start to try and deny it, tears welling as you try to think of something, anything semi-believable. However, you can't seem to finish your sentence as you find yourself coughing again.

The dark haired boy watches you, eyes wide and filling with panic as he watches red petals fall from your lips. You fight to get control and soon find yourself wheezing in lieu of a cough, tears running down your cheeks once more. You knew he had seen, there was no way to hide it from him, but it didn't mean you still didn't want to.

He stayed crouched before you, his voice is gentle and low as he spoke. "Do you have Hanahaki disease?" It was a question with an obvious answer but he wanted you to tell him. He was certain you would admit it but found you shaking your head at him instead.

"No..."

"Y/N..." He began but stopped when you met his gaze.

"No!!" You whimpered out as you shook your head back and forth once again. "It can’t be... Cause that would mean he doesn’t love me back." You can't help the pained sob that escapes as you break down weeping.

Ushijima says nothing, what could he possibly say to you in this moment. Instead he carefully reaches out and pulls you into his arms.

[musicreviewbfox]

Chromatica

The Album Chromatica is Lady Gaga’s newest album. It’s a new album not only in the sense that it marks her return to being an Enigma to the general public again. But this album also uncovers how the artist behind Lady Gaga has been feeling and hopes to reach out to people. She hopes to reach out to her fans. The album its self is almost a love letter to not only Stefani the woman behind the mask of Lady Gaga. But Chromatica is an album to let others join in on her own self-love affair. Chromatica has three string arrangments that are key to dividing up the album from Resentment and depression to Entrapment and PTSD and lastly ends in a blanket of upbeat pop rhythms where Stefani assures herself that she is making an everlasting impression on not only her fans but the music industry itself. 

 I didn't ask for a free ride

I only asked you to show me a real good time

I never asked for the rainfall

At least I showed up, you showed me nothing at all

The beginning lyrics of Rain on Me by Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande form a beautiful entry to the depressive side of Chromatica after Lady Gaga drops us into Chromatica with Alice and ensuring that Chromatica runs on everlasting Stupid Love. Rain on Me is different from its predecessor in which Stefani admits that the love-filled joy trip she had has finally come to halt and she is left yet again broken-hearted. She dissects the struggle she now faces being alone and admitted by herself in interviews “A fountain of misery for tears to pour out of”(Spotify). This everlasting presence continues with the lyrics.

It's coming down on me

Water like misery

It's coming down on me

I'm ready, rain on me

We are reminded that this is the mesmeric miserable state that Gaga and Ariana are in with the lyrics but the beat in the background of Rain on me is a heavy bass and beat to carry the singers on and be able to channel that miserable energy into fighting dance styles as displayed in the music video that they both appear in. Gaga leading the front of the pink tribe and Ariana with the purple tribe. Both singers are seen in Mad Max outfits which is the setting of Chromatica. A dystopian world where all ideas are challenged and the only way to survive is to dance away the pain or love you feel. Which carries us to Ariana’s lyrics 

Living in a world where no one's innocent

Oh, but at least we try

Gotta live my truth, not keep it bottled in

So I don't lose my mind

Baby, yeah

I can feel it on my skin

It's coming down on me

Teardrops on my face

Water like misery

Let it wash away my sins

It's coming down on me

Let it wash away

 Ariana comes in with massive vocals and is able to quickly catch up to Lady Gaga in terms of performance. In an hour-long interview with Zane Lowe this was one of the hardest parts of the song for both Ariana and Gaga. Ariana reportedly felt overwhelmed and felt like she couldn’t keep with Gaga until Lady Gaga pulled her out of the booth, determined Gaga said “you are gonna sing as you’ve never done before, while I dance in the corner”. That’s exactly what happened and Ariana outdid herself with many fans and critics saying that the high notes Ariana not only hit while in the studio were astounding but the high notes she hit on the VMA’s matched up to why the duo worked so well together on this record. This now brings us to some closing lyrics

I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive

Rain on me, rain, rain

Rain on me, rain, rain

I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive

Rain on me, rain, rain

Rain on me

I hear the thunder coming down, won't you rain on me?

Rain on me

I hear the thunder coming down, won't you rain on me?

Rain on me

The final lyrics of Rain On Me show how Ariana and Gaga are prepared for any more trials to come in the future. The duo is prepared for whatever comes their way and are ready for the misery that the tears of regret and broken love may give them. Love being a recurring theme is Chromatica so far in the first section means that it won’t be overplayed and overdone as you the reader will see which is really one of my only criticisms of this album.

The next song that we’ll cover on the Chromatica album is Replay. The song Replay has a lot to do with much of Lady Gaga’s PTSD and Trauma responses to the violent attacks she suffered at 17 and 19. The middle of Lady Gaga’s album is much more of her pained past and how she chooses to come through the other end is with music. Lady Gaga heals as reported is through music. Lady Gaga reported in a Spotify/genius interview. “I refused to not allow this song to be on the album. Sure, I’m the “boss. But really chromatica cannot exist without an abstract explanation of what it’s like to be triggered if you have PTSD.”. So with the explanation of the reason why the track exists at all, it’s now to dive into the lyrics of Replay. 

Am I still alive?

Where am I, I cry

Who was it that pulled the trigger, was it you or I?

I'm completely numb

Why you acting dumb

I won't blame myself 'cause we both know you were the one 

In the beginning Lady Gaga questions if she is still alive much like how she reports in her song 911 at the beginning of the second act of Chromatica is if she is still sane and can’t escape the voices in her head during a manic episode. She again feels trapped but an outer source forcing her to relive a traumatic experience that she feels undeserving of. The questions of why does my existence amount to this, why was I the chosen out of so many people, why can’t I escape this anguish and misery. Gaga takes all of these questions and puts them as a side focus to have the answer put in front of people. Lady Gaga believes she isn’t a savior but rather looking to take the pain she’s delt and expresses it through music cause in the same interview Gaga says “ And the very thing that plagued my mind for years, trauma, is precisely the thing that now powers my lifeforce to be braver. I.e. this voice I hear- continue to make music although your brain feels it’s breaking sometimes.”. This brings us to the next set of lyrics 

Every single day, yeah I dig a grave

Then I sit inside it, wondering if I'll behave

It's a game I play, and I hate to say

You're the worst thing and the best thing that's happened to me

What Lady Gaga is trying to submit here is with her vocals radiating up and down a registry key is that she is condemning herself for feeling the pain and relieving the trauma she is experience. She continues to feel this pain and she questions is it her or the monsters that have been created in her head that force her to feel this way. She questions if she even cares about the damage being done to her mentally and physically and if she is paying the price for a much higher power for being the way she is. 

Psychologically, it's something that I can't explain

Scratch my nails into the dirt to pull me out of pain

Does it matter, does it matter? Damage is done

Does it matter, does it matter? You had the gun

You had the gun

You had the gun

You had the gun 

In the last lyrics of Replay, we the audience get a full picture described to us of how Lady Gaga is fighting the monsters in her mind and how she is trying to break free from a fire zone. A red zone in which every step causes pain and misery but Lady Gaga fights this torture by dancing and singing against it. She uses her music to help balance herself once and remind herself that she is ready to keep going and fight these monsters every time they replay.

I need you to listen to me, please believe me

I'm completely lonely, please don't judge me

In the sing 1000 Doves we get a different side of Lady Gaga, the side she’s sheltered and kept away from the world, aside she is ready to nourish and feed love again. That side of Gaga is Stefani. Lady Gaga put an alter ego in the spotlight and hid away Stefani the person and mind behind Gaga away from the world. She kept Stefani away and in this song she tells Lady Gaga she finally gets to meet the person who had the hard path and tough road to ride to fame and fortune. Stefani the woman who stuck around whenever everyone left her. Stefani endured many hard times and never got to fully understand and put into motion how her Trauma and battles against those that deposed her especially at her time in NYU Tisch. The next set of lyrics describe the passion and love that Stefani has for Lady Gaga.

When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall

I need you to listen to me, please don't leave me

I'm not perfect yet but I'll keep trying

When your tears are falling, I'll catch them as they fall

In these sets of lyrics, Stefani is the singer and at the reigns. You can tell that this is Stefani coming through because she is saying she is always ready to catch Gaga’s tears as she falls apart no matter where and or why. Stefani has healed and is always ready for the net challenge. She was born ready for fame because of the humiliation she faced growing up. Misunderstood and abused was Stefani and so she took all the pain and formed an alter ego to protect from the world which is Lady Gaga. which is complex because the song seems like a love ballad to another person she vows to protect but in reality, it is a love letter to Lady Gaga from Stefani and how she is ready to combine to the two and have them heal one another.

I've been hurting, stuck inside a cage

So hot my heart's been in a rage

If you love me, then just set me free

And if you don't, then baby leave

Set me free

In these final lyrics, we get a showcase of what it was like for Stefani to finally meet the creation she helped launch into stardom. A woman she doesn’t know almost because of how long it been since shes played a role in Gaga’s life. Not since the Artpop have the two been in hand deep of creating music as Stefani has had the reigns in the last couple of years with Cheek to Cheek, Joanne, and A Star is Born. But Stefani knows the woman who brought the stardom and first captured the world’s attention which is Lady Gaga. So at the end of this song, the two recollect and remember how hard it was for Lady Gaga and Stefani to receive the credit that they’ve held onto for over a decade now.  

A thousand do-o-o-o-o-o-ves

Oh-oh

Flying, flying, flying like a thousand doves

A thousand do-o-o-o-o-o-ves

Flying, flying, flying like a thousand doves

Flying, flying, flying like a thousand doves

Flying, flying, flying

With these lyrics I abid you a good morning, afternoon, or night on our journey of Chromatica. Overall the main takeaways of Chromatica as an album are that Lady Gaga wrote this album as a self-love note much like in the ways of Ariana Grande did with sweetener, Kesha did with Rainbow, and what many artists do with self-titled albums or more depending on how long they’ve been in the music industry. But the core points to take away from Chromatica is that hardships are expected and what you can expect for Stefani or even Lady gaga to do with those hardships is to write music and dance the pain away. Either is be a traumatizing experience in Replay, a broken heart in Rain on Me, or even a question of self-worth in 1000 Doves. Gaga will and forever make music for those who feel like an underdog and had many crazy experiences.

 Links:

https://genius.com/Lady-gaga-1000-doves-lyrics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZXBF9t32zA

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/lady-gaga-chromatica-making-of-bloodpop-axwell-1007139/

https://genius.com/Lady-gaga-and-ariana-grande-rain-on-me-lyrics

https://genius.com/Lady-gaga-replay-lyrics

[nessiesspeakeasy]

Órenya

His face had fallen in Rhys’ lap, dragging dirt with him. “Please…” he wheezed. “Hide me…” His crystal red eyes stared at Rhys, pleading for a moment before passing out.

Rhys stared, shocked at the dazzling man. His thick fire red curls fell around his face, exposing his ears, which were curved downward and pointed. Rhys sucked in his breath. This man was fae. He’d heard about them. They were the shepherds of the forest and not to be messed with, or trusted. And he was asking for Rhys’ help.

-----

Cursed and run out of the village, Rhys finds solace in the enchanted forest. Then, one day, a Fae going by Tim asks to be hidden. When Rhys complies, he's bound to the fae forever.

A birthday gift for my friend Atlas!

You can read this on AO3

It wasn’t Rhys’ fault for his condition. He’d been born with a broken eye and cursed by his mother for it as she took her last breath. As he grew, all the townsfolk would glance sideways at him, waiting to see if he would cause a plague or draught. Even the villages surrounding knew his name. The one cursed by a woman who never stayed in her own bed. It didn’t matter how well behaved Rhys was or how much he followed the societal rules, they always judged him and blamed him for everything that went wrong.

It was a thunderstorm that pushed the townsfolk over the edge. When they’d finally put out the small fire caused by it, they turned on Rhys, throwing stones at him, even throwing them at his small hut for hours. He sat, huddled at the door, barring them from entry. When they finally grew tired and left, Rhys knew it was time to leave. In the dark of the night, he packed his things and left, journeying into the forest. It was thick and enchanted and everyone knew the dangers and that’s what would keep him safe. He camped under the thick trees until he was able to build himself a small hut.

It was humble, but it was quiet and no one scorned him. Even the odd creature that passed by him paid no mind. It was the first time in his life that Rhys was able to live peacefully, creating himself a small vegetable garden and learning the secrets of the forest.

He hummed to himself one morning as he worked on his garden, smiling at the carrots that were almost ready. Then, a man collapsed over them, large gashes littering his body. He was tall and fair, with freckles dancing over him like stars.

His face had fallen in Rhys’ lap, dragging dirt with him. “Please…” he wheezed. “Hide me…” His crystal red eyes stared at Rhys, pleading for a moment before passing out.

Rhys stared, shocked at the dazzling man. His thick fire red curls fell around his face, exposing his ears, which were curved downward and pointed. Rhys sucked in his breath. This man was fae. He’d heard about them. They were the shepherds of the forest and not to be messed with, or trusted. And he was asking for Rhys’ help.

He would have to be careful when the fae woke up, but right now he could help the creature. Hooking his arms under the fae’s, he got to his feet and began to drag him into his hut, laying him on the sleeping mat. He covered him with the fur blanket and then went back outside, shutting the door behind him. What was going to happen now that he harbored a wanted fae and who was chasing after him?

He didn’t have to wait long. He could hear several persons coming along. His mind whirled as he tried to think of what to do. They would surely ask him about the fae. His eyes wandered over his garden and now saw the damage the fae had caused. He gasped and went over, forgetting his circumstance for a moment. He glared at the spot as several fae approached him. They were lavender with dark markings swirling gracefully over them. Their eyes were black and enrapturing as they looked at Rhys.

“Hello, stranger,” they said gently, their voices melodies to the same song. Rhys stared at them, taken in by their beauty. “Have you seen another one of us, he’s fair with red hair. He’s wanted for crimes against our court.”

Lulled by their voices, Rhys nodded.

“Where is he?”

It was bubbling up his throat and crawling down his tongue. His eyes fell to his garden and he blinked, frowning. “My garden,” he said. Shaking his head and blinking hard, he pointed. “He fell into my garden.” He glared at it as he realized they had tried to bewitch him.

“We apologize terribly for all the trouble he’s caused. But please, tell us where he is.”

“I don’t know where he is!” Rhys fumed, angry eyes looking at them. He could feel their magic seeping into him, but he hung onto that anger and let it cloud his mind instead. “He fell into my garden and left.” Forcing his eyes away, he knelt by his garden and began to fuss with the carrots. He did not know how convincing he sounded, but he was done talking with them.

“Which way, kind stranger?”

Grunting, Rhys threw his hand out in a random direction.

“We graciously thank you for your time.”

He ignored them as he surveyed how many carrots were probably ruined. He patched up his garden, cutting away all the broken stems. He did not know how long the fae had been gone when he was finished. He stood and turned into his home.

The stranger had not moved at all. He pulled back the furs, now covered in fae blood. Rhys sighed. Of course. He’d have to wash that later, as well as every other thing this fae would tarnish. He put together a small fire and began to warm up some water while he gathered the spare fabric he owned. He washed the wounds and wrapped them, piling the rags on the rest of the soiled fabrics. Huffing, he grabbed the two buckets and walked to the river to get water for the bedding.

-----

As suppertime rolled around, the bedding was dry and folded and the stew was bubbling in the pot. Rhys cut the bread and readied the two bowls as the stranger began to stir. He sat up, those red curls springing gracefully around his shoulder.

He looked around and Rhys felt those eyes staring at him. He stood as though he weren’t hurt and made his way over to Rhys. “You have done me a great service,” he said. His voice was soft and gentle and melodic like the other fae, but this time, there was no magic seeping into Rhys. “I am in your debt.”

“Good,” Rhys said. “You can find me some new carrots. You ruined them when you fell into my garden.” He glanced up at the fae, unamused or phased by the fae’s heart-melting smile.

The fae chuckled and bowed. “I will repay this debt.”

Rhys grunted and handed him a piece of bread. “So, you want to tell me why you were being chased and what crimes you’ve committed?”

Tearing off a part of the bread, he ate a bite. Rhys found himself caught for a moment, watching the stranger. He forced himself to look away and walked to the stew. He served each of them a portion.

“The court I belong to and theirs have always been at odds, but this time they went too far.”

“Like how?”

The fae looked at him for a long time, those eyes peering into his soul. “I was being chased, how were you not affected by their magic?”

Rhys shrugged, handing the bowl to the man.

“Thank you.” He stared at Rhys again. “I am Tim. What may I call you?”

Rhys winced. His name was cursed. Anyone who knew his name scorned it. He didn’t know how far the knowledge of his curse had gone, but he did not want to take any chances. “It doesn’t matter.”

The fae smiled, his eyes dancing with amusement. “I see, but what should I call you?”

“Whatever you feel like.”

Tim’s brows rose. He held his hand out for Rhys’. Hesitantly, Rhys let him take it. Tim’s touch was soft and gentle as his thumb ran over the palm. He stared intently for a long moment before nodding, lips curling into a secret smile. “I see.”

Instantly, Rhys ripped his hand away, hugging it to his chest. He frowned. “What was that?”

The fae chuckled. “It was harmless, I assure you.”

“What were you doing?”

“Just looking.”

Rhys stared at his hand. “Looking at what?”

“At what to call you.”

A sudden wash of fear swept over Rhys and now he regretted ever opening that door. He held the hot bowl, unsure. “What-”

“Órenya.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you.”

Rhys quirked a brow. “Me?”

Tim laughed. It smoothed over every wrinkle Rhys had. He swallowed and looked at the stew, taking a bite.

“Where do you hail from?” Tim asked.

“Nowhere.”

“You come from nowhere and have no name and you were able to withstand fae magic.” He squinted at Rhys. “I’m starting to question who the real fae is.”

Rhys grunted over a bite. “It is not me, I assure you.” When Tim frowned, confused, Rhys sputtered. “I… I just mean… I felt the magic… In fact it got me at one point, but… I don’t know… I snapped out of it when I saw the damage in my garden and as long as I didn’t look at them, my mind was clear.”

“Is that so? It takes a strong mind to do that.” He took a bite of the stew. His eyes grew wide. “This is delicious! I can already feel my wounds healing! You are a wonderful cook!”

Rhys smiled. “Thank you…” He could feel his cheeks heating at how joyful the fae was.

“I should thank you. I owe you my life.” As Rhys went to speak, Tim put his hand up. “I know you say all I owe are carrots, but you do not understand what this means in fae. To owe someone your life is of great importance. It is why we try to never let that happen.” He smiled. “I am glad it happened, though.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I got to meet you.”

Rhys rolled his eyes, lips cracking into a smile. “Sure.”

By the next morning, Tim had healed completely. He bowed and smiled at Rhys. “I will see you soon, Órenya.”

-----

It was well into the next season and Rhys had not had a visit. He had dwelt on it for the first month, looking around every time he heard a noise. There was a lingering call in his chest that wished above everything to see Tim again. It was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he had known the fae that long.

He was fae though, maybe it was a lasting effect? It was hard to sleep at night, his mind replaying the whole visit and it wore him down some during the day. Slowly, however, it faded and Rhys was able to go back to his normal life.

He wrapped himself in a cloak, the morning air chilling. He was headed for town to stock up on supplies and sell vegetables from his garden. It was always hard to sell what he had, but there were always enough folk that took pity on his cursed soul. They were his regulars. They did not speak to him, only buying his goods.

By midday he had enough to collect flour and sugar. He tucked them away as he left the village, careful not to let anyone see which way he was going. When he heard people following him, he sighed quietly to himself. It would be a long walk home now. He would have to walk for a while until they got bored or beat him up and left him alone.

Today, they did not wait until they were bored, however. The first rock hit his shoulder, the second hit his head. Rhys began to run, the rocks pelting him. He heard them chase after him, yelling and throwing stones. His hood fell down as a rock soared at his ear. He fumbled, slowing down enough for them to catch up. They yanked his cloak back, making him trip and fall to the ground.

“Cursed bastard child!” They laughed, kicking him.

“How dare you show your face when no one wants to lay eyes on it!”

Rhys ducked his head, shielding it with his arms.

“You don’t deserve to be in this life!”

A rock was hurled at him, hitting his ribs. It throbbed and seared. Rhys leapt to life, trying to scramble away, but his cloak was stuck under a foot and his head was hit hard, blurring his vision.

Suddenly, they were holding him by each arm, his hair pulled taught.

“Cursed bastard child!” One mocked, pulling out a knife. “I think if we cut that cursed eye out, we’ll be safe!”

Rhys’ eyes widened as they drew closer.

“I think that is enough.”

The rush of magic rocked into Rhys and stilled the group. They looked behind Rhys, confused. “Who are you?” one of them demanded.

“You will let him go now.”

Instantly, Rhys was released. He hastened to his feet, pulling the hood back over his face. He stepped away from the group who all stared at Tim for his next instructions. The fae stood tall, his eyes dark as blood now. Rhys’ breath caught. Tim looked other worldly. A glow seeped through his skin, those thick curls almost moving on its own.

“You think it’s fun to attack someone? To throw rocks at them? Why don’t you attack each other? Why don’t you throw rocks at each other? And the last one standing can beat their head in with a rock.”

Rhys jumped as the group turned on each other, swinging fists and chucking stones. His eyes were transfixed on the horrid scene. Only when Tim stood in front of Rhys, blocking his view, did he finally blink. He did so several times, his mind clearing. He stepped away from Tim, turning quickly and pulling his cloak tight around his face. He walked briskly, almost running all the way back to his cabin.

Tim had seen and heard. Tim knew now. His only friendly encounter was going to dissolve. His eyes blurred with tears, a horrid, loud and sharp sob spewed from him. He had been beaten before, but never like this and never with such a violent goal in his attacker’s minds. And Tim had seen it all.

When he came to his cabin, he heaved himself inside, baring the door closed with his body. He slid to the floor, shaking, breath quick and overflowing with sobs. He ached all over, the sting from every rock thundering through him finally.

“Órenya.”

Rhys did not hear the voice at first as he curled in on himself, knees tight to his chest, head dug into them.

“Órenya,” it said again. This time it cut through the panic, calling Rhys back from the depths. When gentle hands rested on him, he jumped, his head banging against the door. A hand pressed over his cheek, the warmth soothing. In front of him knelt Tim, those red eyes back to normal. “It’s okay, you are safe. They will never hurt you again.”

His thumb brushed over Rhys’ skin, grounding him and clearing his mind. He tried to catch his breath, but it only came out in a sob. When Tim’s other hand cupped Rhys’ cheek, he felt magic pooling inside him, calming his breath. His mind began to clear from the overwhelming fear, his eyes focusing on Tim’s.

“They’ve… They’ve never gone that far before…”

The fae frowned. “Before? This is more than one occurrence?”

Realizing how much he’d given away, Rhys swallowed and shrugged. “I just mean…”

“That you’ve been attacked before.” There was ice creeping into his silken voice. “It has to do with what they called you?”

Rhys winced, pulling away from Tim. He immediately felt cold once their connection was severed. He moved to stand, feeling trapped against the door. When it became hard to do, Tim helped him, holding him steady and leading him to a chair. Rhys sat in it, wincing as his body objected to it.

Tim left to tend to the fire. Rhys felt frozen, alone and cold in the dark, but he could not fall apart in front of this fae. He was already so weak, he couldn’t let him think he was even more pathetic. He tried to pull his legs to his chest, but his ribs erupted in pain and he began to cough erratically.

In an instant, Tim was kneeling before him and pulling his tunic up. Rhys held his breath, knowing there were scars from previous beatings. Tim placed his hand where the pain was. It warmed Rhys and melted the pain away. Tim stood without looking at him and went back to what he’d been doing. Tentatively, Rhys pulled his legs back to his chest and was relieved to receive no pain from it.

The fire warmed his back, making it that much easier to rest his head on his knees and start to doze.

“Not yet,” Tim said, crouching before him again. “Drink this.”

Rhys did not hesitate. He sluggishly looked at the fae and drank whatever was in the mug. It was light and seemed to have very little substance to it, the taste was subtle, but sweet. It all slid down his throat easily. He blinked, his brain clearing of a fog he hadn’t realized was there.

“What-”

“It’s perfectly safe,” Tim said gently.

Rhys frowned. “I knew that, just… What was it?”

Tim smiled, looking at him closely for a long, quiet moment. “It is a fae drink to keep your mind stimulated. If you fall asleep as you are, it might not end well.”

Rhys nodded, but stopped when he began to see the light under Tim’s skin glow brighter. He gasped, reaching forward with his dirt stained fingers to touch the fae’s cheek. “Wow… You’re… glowing… And soft.” He smiled, loving the gentle warmth Tim emanated.

Gently, Tim took those fingers in his hand and kissed the knuckles. “I am glad you’re feeling better.”

“Yes, thanks to you. I know this makes us even now.”

“Does it?” Tim mused.

Rhys frowned. “Doesn’t it? They were most likely going to kill me. I saved your life, and now you saved mine.”

“That’s not how it works, Órenya.” He kissed Rhys’ hand again.

“Oh,” Rhys frowned. “Even if you give me carrots?”

“Even then.”

“Oh.”

Tim stood and went back to the fire. “Will you tell me why they think you’re cursed?”

He supposed it didn’t matter anymore now. “I was born with only one working eye. My mother cursed me as her last breath.”

“That’s what the humans are reacting to? Horrid words from an ungrateful woman?”

Rhys shrugged.

“The water is ready, strip so I can clean the wounds.”

Rhys did so. Tim brought over rags and hot water, his eyes assessing all of Rhys’ body, now bruising with dried and fresh blood. He wiped Rhys up, the water perfectly warm and soothing. Rhys could feel the fae magic striking at every cut and bruise, closing and fading any trace that he’d been attacked.

Rhys was silent, watching Tim, mesmerized by the intensity that glowed etherial on his calm and graceful face. Tim was taking care of him and he didn’t even know his name. “I was scared you’d know of me… If I told you my name. The neighboring villages do.”

“You are not cursed.” Taking a clean rag, he took Rhys’ hands in his and began to wash them. “Your mother had no power, she could not have cursed you. And if you were cursed, they would have known it instantly.”

Rhys frowned, watching the movement of the rag. “I always wondered, but they were always so quick to blame me for everything.”

Tim stopped, the warm rag resting on Rhys’ hand as he looked into Rhys’ eyes. “You are not cursed. You never have been.”

His eyes widened at the certainty in Tim’s eyes. He nodded, falling silent. He wasn’t cursed. He had never been cursed. They had lashed out at him for no reason besides an excuse. He didn’t know which was worse, hate with reason or hate without?

He hadn’t realized he’d started crying. Hadn’t realized that this new information made all the years of strife pointless and even more cruel. As Tim finished both hands, he took a clean one and began to wash Rhys’ face, softly wiping those overflowing tears away. He closed his eyes tightly, loving the feel of Tim so close.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“I will always be there for you.”

“Because you owe me.”

Again, the fae went silent as he wet the rag again and touched it to Rhys’ face. The weight of Rhys’ words hung between them unanswered and unaddressed. He tried to read the answer in Tim’s face, but it was indiscernible. The fae cleaned up the rags and water, tending to the stew Rhys had made earlier that day.

The sun set as Tim dished them up some food. They ate together in a calm silence, sitting next to the fire on the ground. Rhys didn’t realize how hungry he was, eating heartily until he’d had two bowlfuls. As he set the bowl down, his eyes felt heavy.

“I think… that drink is wearing off…”

“Yes,” Tim said, smiling. Setting the bowl aside, he reached for Rhys, capturing him before he fell over. Rhys curled into Tim, loving how warm the fae felt. As he was laid on the sleeping mats, he reached through bleary eyes at Tim. The fae took Rhys’ hand in both his hands.

“Don’t leave me,” Rhys mumbled, the sleep heavier on his eyes. “It takes so long to get used to you being gone.”

Lightly, Tim kissed his knuckles as Rhys fell asleep.

-----

The human slept, the bruises and cuts reversed thanks to his fae magic, but Tim still saw them. The way one can still see the evidence of a fire even though plants grew over it. They littered his face and body, the hate marring Órenya. Sleep had overcome him quickly, though. Good.

It takes so long to get used to you being gone. The words echoed in his mind.

“It will take me forever, Órenya,” he whispered.

Standing, he tended to the house, cooling the fire so it wouldn’t spread. The door seemed heavy in his hand, like he was trying to lift a hundred year old tree. He swallowed around the large rock in his throat, his body moving through mud. To leave Órenya was the hardest thing he ever did. But he would be back and that made it easier.

He shut the door behind him, his palm scratching over the handle. It was a very human thing to have happen. He looked at his hand, the marks across digging his skin that usually went untouched. He closed it into a fist and walked on, stepping through a tree to appear just outside the city Órenya had been in earlier. He walked over the mass of dead bodies on the forest path, bodies broken and with one head gashed in. He walked with light feet into the village. It was alive with shouts, laughter and whispers. Tim heard it all.

As he walked by the humans, their eyes grew wide and fearful. Quickly, they retreated back into their homes, turning the lights off. His lips curled upward with each bang of the door. He heard the panic, hushed voices spreading through like a plague. When he arrived at the tavern, there was already a group of men waiting outside, angry and ready for a fight.

His lips curled wider and he bowed.

“Get out of our village!” one man yelled.

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to stay here when you’re cursed.”

The man blinked. “What!?”

“Can’t you all see him? He’s brought the drought that’s taken your crops.”

There was a loud thud as the man fell to the ground, an axe embedded into his skull. The crowd turned to the man who’d murdered the first.

“It’s your fault!” They exclaimed.

Tim turned away from them, walking back through the village and on to the next who’d treated Órenya as such. By daybreak the only survivors would be the ones without hate clouding their judgement, however many that would be, Tim cared not. As long as the ones who had hurt Órenya were dead.

-----

Rhys had quickly heard about the strange madness that had ravaged the villages the day he’d been attacked. He spared his days with those left helping pile and burn the bodies. Most of the survivors were young.

When he asked what had happened, they only shook their heads. They would not speak of it, but Rhys didn’t need them to. His mind made conclusions, but he couldn’t see how the treatment of him could warrant such wrath from a fae. They were not concerned with the affairs of humans unless it happened in their forest. As he helped load bodies onto carts, his mind churned. Sure, he lived in the forest, but he doubted that he was important enough for his business to become a fae’s. Could this be what Tim considered repayment for saving his life? If so, it was unwanted.

“Will you be able to carry on?” he asked them as the last body was piled outside the village.

The woman nodded. “Of course we will. We’ll take our cattle to the next village.”

“I will help you,” Rhys said.

The woman smiled. “Thank you.”

And so Rhys learned of the tragedy that had encompassed the next village. The few adults carried the bodies as they arrived. Rhys gasped, knowing the fate of the other village would be the same as these two.

It was several days before he left back home, having helped all three villages burn the dead and regroup. He left them to decide the fate of what was left, walking slowly back home, lost in thought.

The birds were quiet as he walked by, unwilling to be so close to bewitched deaths. He didn’t blame them.

Out of the trees stepped Tim, hands behind his back, smile warm and charming.

Rhys glared at him. “You are responsible for the madness, aren’t you?”

“They did not have to listen.”

“If you think this was how I wanted to be repaid-”

Tim stepped forward, eyes flashing blood red for only an instant. “This was not repayment. They deserved the end they came to.”

Rhys glared. “I don’t understand why you felt the need to punish them. I’m just a human, I thought fae didn’t care about humans.”

“We don’t.” Tim was close now, his hands reaching for Rhys’. The comfort of it washed over Rhys. “Sometimes,” Tim said quietly. “Sometimes, just one human.” He kissed those knuckles again, smiling as Rhys’ eyes widened.

“You… That’s why…”

“No one gets to hurt you.”

“What if you do?”

That made the fae smile. “Well, then I will do everything I can to make it up to you.”

Rhys smiled. “And what if I asked you to help the villagers that are left? Can you coax the crops to grow more easily? At least for this season?”

“You are a bad influence on me, helping humans I don’t care for.”

Smile almost bursting, Rhys threw his arms around Tim, holding him tight. “Thank you!” He turned into Tim’s curved ear and whispered. “My name is Rhys.” He pulled away from Tim, cheeks red.

Tim’s eyes glittered like a red starry sky, his smile wider than ever. “Rhys,” he said quietly. It rocked through Rhys. He gasped, though, when Tim pulled him close once more, lips pressed lightly to his ear. “And mine is Timothyanfria, now you have me completely.”

He felt it lodge deep in his soul, securing Tim to him forever. Rhys held him just as tightly. The trust and power he’d been giving felt overwhelming, clawing at him to speak it aloud, but Rhys ignored it. Instead, he crossed his arms. “That’s fine and dandy, but you still owe me carrots.”

Tim laughed, loud and brilliantly heartwarming. It was a healing breeze to the forest. He closed the gap between them and kissed him. The touch electrified Rhys, his heart swelling with relief and happiness he had not expected.

When they parted, Tim let his forehead fall on Rhys’. “Yes, we will go find some now. There will be plenty of time to help the survivors.” He took Rhys’ hand and lead him back into the forest.

[thebeethathums]

Observers - 48

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes x Reader

A/N: Annnnddd Sherly ruins the moment unintentionally... because he's Sherly.

The bed seemed terribly empty when Sherlock woke up and you were missing, for a while by the coolness of the bedding next to him. He rolled out of it to find all his clothes except for his shirt neatly folded on the bedside table and pulled them on before wandering out to the living room. He couldn’t help but grin when he saw you in front of your easel fully dressed in the clothes from the night before, your hair pulled back, and a fat brush in hand. He watched you work on your new painting, sitting down in your chair since you didn’t seem aware of the fact that he was awake. It was the same canvas from the night before but you had incorporated both his and your handprints from his experiment into it, making it more abstract than it had been originally. From the amount of work you’d done at this level of concentration, you had to have been up at least a few hours if not longer, meaning his experiment was a success. You reached for a tube of paint absentmindedly, having used all that you’d set out of that color, and sighed when you found it empty. You scrunched up your face as you turned with the intent to see if you had another tube stashed away somewhere and startled when you saw Sherlock in your chair, offering him a small nervous smile, “I’m sorry, Sherlock, I didn’t notice you were up… about your shirt… I don’t think I’ll be able to get the paint out. I’ll replace it, but you should probably go put on another before John gets home.” He could tell something was off but not what, so he simply stated, “You’re painting again.” You didn’t even bother to scold him for pointing out the obvious, turning to look at your painting with a tiny smile, “Yes. I just woke up and felt like doing so… That hasn’t happened in a while.”

Sherlock got the smuggest of smug looks on his face, “My experiment was a success. The minds of average people are so easily distracted by the physical.” You froze in your examination of your painting, an unsettling chill running through you, “What?” Overly proud of himself and cocky as all hell, he missed the slight hint of unease in your voice, “I hypothesized that reassociating the act of painting with something of a positive nature that overloaded the senses would override the negative effects of your past experiences. From your success this morning, the intense physical contact of an affirming nature overruled the issues plaguing you before- in effect resetting your simplistic mind to allow you to paint again. I suppose there are benefits to having a normal brain.” “So this was all part of your experiment?” you queried, your voice dangerously quiet. “Of course.”   Your face fell for a moment before you composed yourself and then announced, “You should go. John will be back from Amy’s soon.”

It was more evident that something was wrong now given the demanding edge to your voice but, as usual, that was as far as he got- if you didn’t want him to know your thoughts then he wouldn’t know them. It bothered him that he could only ascertain that you were upset but not why and since it obviously wasn’t over being able to paint again, as that was a good thing, he decided it must be about your friend. Of course, he was wrong but what can you do? He got up to leave because you were right- John would be home soon- and he still didn’t do the whole comforting thing, especially not when you wanted him out. You moved back to your painting, distracting yourself by working on one of the more detailed corners as you mumbled, “Don’t forget your violin.” Once he'd gone, you stopped, your jaw clenching in thought, and decided to try and clear your head by taking a shower to get rid of the paint on your skin reminding you of the night before. When you’d woken up that morning you weren’t sure how to act, you felt guilty about his ruined shirt, and then you began to question the whole thing. You’d distracted yourself by painting since that was what had woken you up in the first place but when he’d got up and said what he said- all the doubts came rushing back. You scolded yourself as the water ran down your skin, you knew he was just curious and that it wouldn’t be anything more. He’d been using you to figure out another aspect of human behavior, it was your fault for getting caught up in it since you’d know that from the start. You could hardly be mad at him for suddenly catching more feelings than either of your intended. You hadn’t even wanted a relationship… when had that changed? When did you start wanting more? You considered it for a moment, it wasn’t as though he didn’t care… he had helped you with your painting even if the how hadn’t been exactly what you’d expected. But then again, it may have been just so that he didn’t have to go through the tedious task of getting you out of work every time he wanted something from you. Maybe John had been right- you weren’t an experiment and letting him treat you as such was messing you up. Clean and dressed, you looked over your apartment, entirely conflicted, and debated what you should do next. You could lie on the floor and think but that didn’t sound appealing at all- your thoughts were too jumbled. You could let the need to be destructive that was creeping into your chest take over but that was hardly productive or helpful- not to mention you’d have to clean up later. There was only one other option and out of the three it seemed the best- you could paint and lose yourself in it... might as well put the results of Sherlock’s ‘experiment’ to good use. You cranked up some music on your stereo system to a ‘don’t disturb me’ level, a painting playlist of random unrelated songs that you liked, set up a new palette after washing your brushes and getting new water, and then set aside the painting you’d been working on in favor of a blank white canvas. Best not to think about how that one was made, you reasoned as you mixed a starting color. You let yourself get lost in the action, spreading bold strokes of reds and yellows over the surface as you let out all the emotions you’d been holding inside for so long. John broke into a wide grin when he came home and heard your odd choice in music, knowing it meant you were painting again as he climbed the stairs to his flat. Sherlock was spread out on the couch as usual, deep in thought, and John rolled his eyes as he went into the kitchen. Your music shut off just before noon, when your alarm went off the remind you that you had to go to work, and John came down to see how you were doing just as you were locking the door to your flat, “How’s the painting going, Squeak?” You sighed, “Good I suppose. Certainly better then it has been.” He stopped you when you went to leave, pushing the hair escaping your bun behind your ear, “What’s the matter, (F/n)? That’s a good thing, isn’t it? You should be happy.” You forced a small grin, “I am, Johnny. I’ve just got a lot on my mind is all.” “Like what?” You chuckled, removing yourself from his grasp, “Like work. I’ve gotta go.” He frowned as you left, you should have been ecstatic about being able to paint again...what was so pressing in your mind that it had stolen the wind from your sails? Climbing the stairs again, he went to see if Sherlock knew anything, reaching for the half-full mug of coffee next to him to get his attention. Sherlock’s eyes snapped open to glare at him for trying to touch his mug, effectively halting John's advance, “What?” “Do you have any idea what’s got (F/n) looking so troubled?” “Not in the slightest.” John huffed, unconvinced but unwilling to press, and plopped down in his chair as Sherlock went back to thinking. He’d enjoyed the night before, snippets of it kept replaying in his mind, and he’d never slept better but, for some reason, he couldn’t shake what had happened when he’d woken up. Social conventions and his study of human behavior on the subject told him that the thoughtless masses determined the morning after to be a complex moment. He didn’t understand why. It seemed to him that it could go one of two ways: your partner could slip away before it was light and never call or they could remain and continue the relationship. He’d stayed. Simple. So why had you been so nervous? He supposed it had something to do with your past as you were displaying signs of distress over something as unimportant as the state of his shirt but then you’d also told him to leave- a complete turn around from the night before when you suggested he shower with you. He’d done everything right and yet something was wrong. He was missing something… it had to be some odd facet of human behavior that he hadn’t considered. The only question was which one…

Tags <3:

@team-free-sherlock @multifandom-ramblings @madshelily @severusminerva @yes-but-theyre-my-dorks @smitemewiththysherlock @not-fandom-addicted @unknownwonder @deducingdevil @aviien @mrsfrankensteinsworld​ @lolamurphy @bakerstreethound @musical-doll-x @protectteamfreewill @delightful-pirate @lilcutekittykat @broke-and-overwhelmed @adri1ii @turtle-at-the-disco @fanfictionsilove @chasedbyhowlingwolves @thorkyrie-rights

[selfless1978]

The Dance

Vicky woke slowly. Something that was very unusual for her. Normally she was jolted awake, haunted by things she saw in her dreams. Images she had lived through and still haunted her. It was one of the reasons she slept so poorly and why she chose to be a night owl.

This was also something she never told him about. Not wanting to seem more broken to him than she was letting on. After all, why would the strong one want to be around a woman who could break at literally any given reason, and almost had a few times in the last few months alone as she struggled to figure out what exactly she wanted.

No, this was still fresh and new for her to risk spoiling it with the shadows of her past and the demons haunting her mind.

Still, she was in somewhat of awe as she woke. Eyes blinking softly as she opened them. Looking around in a moment of confusion as she registered where she exactly was. And she was in his bed, naked and next to him with one of his large arms draped over her as he slept on. And suddenly everything came back to her on what exactly had happened last night.

Now, her body began to protest. He had wore her out, and she was definitely sore. All over the place, but none calling her attention more than the gentle, but good, ache between her legs and into her core.

He had made good on months of gentle threats. He had exhausted her, and in doing so forced her into a sleep that was restful. Because he had unknowingly hit upon the reason why she pushed herself past the point of exhaustion on a regular basis, so her mind would be to tired to dream.

Vicky looked at his sleeping face with something akin to wonder. Something that would probably have confused him if he were awake to see it. Probably not understanding the reason behind the soft look, and the gentle hand that rested now lightly on his cheek. 

She could have stayed like this, curled up next to him under that tree trunk arm. The woman was very reluctant to move, both because she was completely comfortable and at ease here, and she didn’t want to risk waking him. Her screaming bladder had other ideas though.

Damn bladder.

With painstaking effort, slowly removing his heavy arm and wincing when she noticed he was partially lying on her long hair, Vicky somehow managed to slip out of the tangled covers of the bed and went on the hunt for a toilet.

A few moments later, she was looking at herself in the mirror as the toilet made it’s racket behind her. As she washed her hands, she looked in the mirror. Her hair was a messy, tangled, frightheap and there were a few marks that reminded her vividly as how she got them. Her face flushed as she remembered. He, definitely didn’t have any qualms of marking her. Not that her scratching nails were any better. Lord, he had done something to her last night, she had lost almost all control.

She quickly washed her face and struggled to bring her hip length hair back into some sense of normalcy. It wasn’t perfect, but at least she didn’t look like she stuck her finger in a light socket anymore. It would have to do.

The next surprise came in the form of the loud sound that came out of her stomach. She probably should shower or something first, but she was suddenly ravenously hungry. Shower could wait, she wanted food.

This was surprising to her because Vicky really wasn’t much of a morning anything. Not a happy person when she first woke up, for reasons already mentioned, and couldn’t really eat. She was just never hungry. In fact, she tended to go most of the day without really eating anything, but was a ravenous carnivore when supper time came around. That came from years of sleeping in, usually until noon. If she could sleep at all. Breakfast, just never was a priority for her.

On silent feet, she padded back out and grabbed her phone, putting on some music as she now shifted towards his kitchen. Her finger tapped lightly on her pursed lips as she took a moment to survey the space. Wondering where he kept what before the phone was set down and she began to gather things.

Music filled her ears as she started, the songs in the playlist she picked were slow, and quiet. And many of them favorites. and, as usual, she began to hum and sing softly along while being very mindful to not reach screeching levels so she wouldn’t wake him up.

Somewhere in the middle of this soft music breakfast making Vicky had decided that Raph was going to get breakfast too. After all, it wasn’t fair that she cook just for herself using his stuff. And, she wanted to do something special for him.

Soon enough, the smells coming from the stove was really making her mouth water, good Lord she was starving, but even this couldn’t keep her mind from wandering. Where she should have focused on the cooking food, her brain went everywhere else, mainly thinking about him.

About Raph.

This had been something she never really expected to happen. Almost her entire attention had been focused on another brother for so long, she hadn’t even considered this possibility. She stared blankly at the stove top as her mind replayed the last few months. Even during her mental journey, she continued to sing softly. The current song, that she had put on repeat, forcing her to think on the time passed and subject even harder.

What would I do without your smart mouth Drawing me in, and you kicking me out Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down What's going on in that beautiful mind I'm on your magical mystery ride And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

What would she do? She didn’t know. Raph had somehow quietly snuck up behind her while she was mooning over someone else. His teasing and flirting becoming more and more something she had looked forward to. She enjoyed trading snarky but playful insults with him. Nothing really bad, just things that brought a smile to both their faces. Soon enough she found herself more drawn to him. Most of her time visiting was spent with him. And things just finally came to a head. A tension that had been slowly growing finally evolved into...this.

Whatever this was.

My head's under water But I'm breathing fine You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

There was still a large amount of confusion in her. This was something she knew and understood one night together wouldn’t fix. Her head was swimming, her thoughts remained on him, she wondered, she worried. What if she really wasn’t what he wanted. Raph was impulsive, a tease, flirt and could be at times a grumpy ol’ bear, but she couldn’t deny he had treated her with dignity and respect.

He was Raph, and she began to wonder if she was biting off more than she could chew with him. She had no regrets, but she did wonder, what next?

'Cause all of me Loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose I'm winning 'Cause I give you all, all of me And you give me all, all of you

Her humming turned to soft singing. Completely unaware that she did it because her mind was still thinking of Raph. And because of that she missed the tell tale sign of the eggs starting to turn a dangerous brown on the edges as she stirred the hash browns. 

Vicky was lost in her own world now. Images of the past mixing with hopes of the future and the thousand possible outcomes. Already admitting to herself that she was growing more attached to him than she probably should. Even if he had brushed that worry away. Just because he dismissed it didn’t mean it wouldn’t still plague her.

She was that kind of person who had a hard time letting comforting words actually comfort. Anything could be said in the heat of the moment and later something else was usually done. She had been on the receiving end of that far too many times to just let words alone comfort her.

She snapped back to reality when one of the eggs let out a large, sizzling pop. Some of the grease pegging her on her still bare stomach. She ignored the brief pain as she looked at the stove in dismay.

“Oh no….” Her voice was on the edge of tears. 

Smoke, was billowing out of the oven, probably protesting the now burnt presence of the biscuits in there. Hurriedly she opened the appliance, and was met with a large plume of the choking stuff before the sight of black biscuits was revealed.

“God dammit!” She hissed softly as she snatched them out of the oven, dropping the baking pan onto the counter with a clatter. The oven mitt was removed and thrown against the wall in her frustration. Just as her attention came back to the eggs, the edges now black and turned into themselves. This too was hurriedly removed from heat and the pan dumped into the sink. Eggs completely ruined.

Hash browns, she still had the hash browns, right?

Nope. Here, she hadn’t turned the heat up enough and they were a soggy, limp clump of something in the middle of the pan. 

Now she fought to hold in her tears as she looked at the wonderful mess in front of her. “It’s ok.” She tried to calm herself. “Just try again. You can still surprise him.”

“So,” Vicky jumped at the sound and spun quickly to see Raph standing there, placing a toothpick in his mouth as his eyes wandered around her masterpiece of mayhem “looks like I need ta get ya singing and cookin’ lessons. Can’t have ya in here demolishing my kitchen on a regular basis while my poor ears suffer.”

How many times do I have to tell you Even when you're crying you're beautiful too The world is beating you down, I'm around through every move You're my downfall, you're my muse My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

She stood there, her hands wringing each other as she stared at him. The tears now rapidly building. Her attempt was now completely ruined and she closed her eyes tight to try and hold those damn little tattling balls of water in her eyes. She even dropped her head, hiding behind her hair as she turned away. Not saying anything to him as she began to clean up her mess. Once she was out of his view, she felt the moisture trail down her cheeks. Don’t let him see them, just don’t let him see them....

Before she could even wipe them away, she was gently turned around and found herself pulled against his chest and his arms pinned her there as he hugged her. Very gently despite his massive frame. His voice so low, and comforting, that she felt it rumble in his chest.

“Hey, ’s okay.” He felt his head rest on top of hers. 

“No it’s not.” Vicky blubbered against him. “I wanted to make you breakfast, and I ruined it.”

Raph was quiet a moment, trying to figure out what to say, and to figure out why a messed up meal preparation set her off this bad. It was just food after all. Maybe there was something deeper going on in that head of hers. He just remained quiet, holding her against him as she cried herself out.

My head's under water But I'm breathing fine You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

She did slowly calm. Her soft crying turning into messy hiccups before the last tear was just a moist memory on her skin. Vicky took a deep, shuddering breath and leaned against his bare chest. Eyes closed as she held him and calmed more. The most frightening looking of the four brothers being the one who seemed to know to calm her.

“I’m sorry.” She finally mumbled into his chest. 

“Fer what?” He asked his tone amused. “Smoking me out of my home or rubbing yer snot all over me?”

Vicky laughed lightly and looked up at him. “For both.”

He just grinned back at her.

'Cause all of me Loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose I'm winning 'Cause I give you all of me And you give me all, all of you Give me all of you

“Dance with me.” Came suddenly.

“What?” 

“You heard me, I want you to dance with me. Please.” 

“Well, since ya at least said please....” He huffed a little and Vicky grinned at him, clearly seeing through his grumpy façade.

It wasn’t much of a dance per say. The two stayed close, Vicky still against his chest as they moved slowly and softly to the piano sounds that came out of her phone. Their gentle swaying doing even more to calm the flighty woman’s nerves. Soon enough she had her eyes closed, just happy to be next to him, feeling his large frame against hers as they danced.

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts Risking it all, though it's hard

Close to the end of the song, she looked up at him again. Her eyes now soft and a hand reached up to cup his cheek, much like she had done earlier while he was still sleeping. “Thank you, Raph. For everything.”

Then she pulled his head down for a gentle kiss before the big loon could say something snarky like ‘I should thank you fer not burning down my kitchen.’

'Cause all of me Loves all of you Love your curves and all your edges All your perfect imperfections Give your all to me I'll give my all to you You're my end and my beginning Even when I lose I'm winning 'Cause I give you all of me And you give me all of you

I give you all, all of me And you give me all, all of you

The song faded, but they still held each other close for a few moments. Vicky not really ready to let go and Raph just letting her have what she needed at the moment. 

Finally, she pulled away with a light sigh and looked at her mess. “I suppose I should clean this up.”

“Would be nice. Since you made the damn mess. Then I’ll help ya and we can have a decent breakfast instead of this crap. I sure as hell ain’t eatin’ that.”

Raph quickly found out she had regained her own brand of snarky when she whipped out a dishtowel and popped him on his still bare ass with it. 

“Oh, babe, it’s on now.”

Vicky just giggled and ran, with the large turtle right on her heels.

@tri-point-bruiser