#it always just felt so wrong idk

[mintaikcorpse]

I love Ozzie's small speech about how lust shouldn't be forced. That's it. That's the post.

[twinstxrs]

the gorgug-porter conversation is interesting to me because like. yea for the overwhelming majority of the conversation porter’s being shitty & trying to fit gorgug into a box that gorgug just does not fit into by trying to make gorgug’s relationship with his rage more focused on the aggression aspect of it. but then there’s also this specific thing that brennan brought up again in the ap, which is that gorgug’s relationship with his rage is wholly “this is a tool i use to protect my friends.” which isn’t a bad thing! but that’s his Whole relationship with it, & gorgug seems to place next to no value on his rage in relationship to himself. which is problematic, because it’s first & foremost his rage.

being raised in a household with a sort of toxic positivity largely meant that, whether or not it was his parents’ intention, gorgug internalized the message that more traditionally “negative” emotions such as anger are the wrong response to something. part of the reason he prioritizes his artificing is probably because it’s “fixing” things. in comparison to being a barbarian, which gorgug associates with “breaking” things. good vs. bad behavior, in his eyes.

it’s a totally unacceptable bar to measure a 16 y/o by, but i do think part of porter’s reasoning for not letting gorgug multiclass is him recognizing that gorgug generally does not value anger as a valid emotional response to something, at the very least for himself. & that directly conflicts with what being a barbarian is, because whether you like it or not, that rage is what fuels you. but again, barring a kid from pursuing something they deeply care about in part (not entirely, porter has a lot of more bullshit reasons) because of their fundamental values & world outlook is crazy.

so yes, 98% of porter’s reasoning is pretty shitty, immature, rife with a toxic view that there’s only one proper way to access rage, & generally not a good thing to do as a teacher, but also within that reasoning is the 2% of ‘there is a fundamental part of yourself that you only value if you can use it to take care of other people & you need to accept that as something that can take care of you, too.’ but that’s something to discuss with a therapist or a guidance counselor, not something that should hugely impact gorgug’s academic future.

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[ganondoodle]

i went to church for the first time in like 10 years bc a family thing required it and i still havent recovered from hearing a grey haired pastor in a small rural german church utter the words "jesus in da house" and being absolutely serious about it

[rapidhighway]

hey i might be controversial but im not really feeling the 12th doctor so far

[piplupod]

i feel like i am losing my mind a little bit bc i spent over half of my counselling appt talking about my fear of spiders and this lady kept telling me i should just kill them, and that the only way to get over my fear is to kill them, and i shouldnt catch and release them anymore ??

and now i am thinking about it and wondering do they actually remember how to get into the house,,,,,, if i put them way on the other side of the house in the garden under a plant where its safe, will they just... come back inside? because I don't remember ever seeing any duplicates of spiders that I caught and released, it seems to always be a different looking one each time so :|

but she just seemed so confused and kind of amused by me trying to explain how i think that like... every life has value and I don't think I should be killing spiders if I can avoid doing that. and she straight up laughed at me saying that they are fascinating very interesting little critters.

i don't know, i just feel kind of sick i think. that was just really not what i was expecting and I'm confused like... is this ... the only way I can get over my fear of them? to just start killing them whenever i find one in the house?? that doesn't seem right at all to me but maybe I'm being too soft or something

they talk about values in DBT and how you must make sure your actions don't go against your values, and this seems very backwards to that, especially since this woman started the DBT program at the hospital. so i feel like maybe it's wrong of her to be telling me this, but also maybe she's right about this. idk !!!

[localgardenweed]

Just saw the new video Hargreaves posted via tiktok and im sorry i sighed seeing the Tord clip im sorry gang i cant get myself hyped.

I dont know why but for a while now all the Tord stuff has been leaving a bad taste in my mouth cause before it was “guys dont ask us about Tord stop asking ugh so annoying” to “hey guys dropping more Tord merch, episodes, spinoff show and also gonna send him over to do a concert with Miku” or some shit like ok they realized he is a cash cow its okay to admit that but idk, as much as I love Tord i feel like it would have been better to let him go bury him in satin laid down on a bed of roses sunk into the river at dawn sent away with the words of a love song. I know people love Tord and I DO TOO if you look through my old stuff you knew he was like one of my favs and also ya know the whole oc x canon stuff but i dont know, knowing Larson wanted Tord out of the show after he left just for him to be brought back in The End, show ended and like hm well this is it to Beyond dropping and getting made fun of for wanting him back to then turning him into a cash cow and whole joke and middle finger to fans who wanted him back by teasing them with him behind a paywall or just murdering him on screen. I know they need money this shit doesn’t come for free but idk it always left a bad taste in my mouth. For those who are happy for the possible probably maybe return of Tord, good for you guys, but im gonna hold off on celebrating.

[grey-has-rusted]

^me when i am a sensitive person

[hella1975]

not someone commenting on tams to tell me to update taob. what if you fucked off forever

[rosekasa]

it kinda sucks that my biggest fear over the past 2.5 years was that all the people that i spoke to and considered as friends actually would just forget about me if i disappeared and then it kinda like. came true

[fulgurbugs]

ok I missed the class where we started workshopping so im kind of going in blind with these letters, but i was snooping in the class folder to see what kinds of critiques other people were giving and im realizing im going to look like the biggest asshole in the room, becase these are all complimentary as hell with the biggest softball critiques ive ever seen. it makes me feel mean when mine are like 95% critical even though i spent a shit ton of time figuring out how to word it so i dont sound mean but like. idk when its my turn i DONT want to just hear complimentary drivel about how you liked it and its so good, actually, because this is critique and not everybody compliment time.

idk. It feels like when im doing this im elevating myself and my own writing which i dont want to do because i dont want these people to think i think im better than them because i'm not, but i've just been in enough art critiuques to know that just saying some variant of "i liked it. here is the thing i liked, very very good job" is completely unhelpful. maybe bc im a senior and this is my last semester i've just had more time to get used to it and i no longer take it personally when people tell me they dislike things/are confused by my choices/think i should change things, and this is an intermediate class where more of the people dont reguarly do peer-review on their art but like. can we PLEASE not sit in a circle and only do encouragement-style critique.

And i get it! it's important when you're working with your stuff to hear encouragement, because constant negativity can make you feel like crap. the compliment sandwich is good for a reason! but the point of the compliment sandwhich is that the filling is not a compliment. you want breads? you want three breads stacked up? I'm at the point where i just wanna eat the cold cuts, and i think that's made me harsher. and I'm just hoping i don't come across as mean or vindictive, or that I think i just write so much better than everyone else or something. I'm trying to give feedback i genuinely think is good, constructive, and helpful, but I dont know.... i still don't want to make people feel bad, especially in the in-person sections where my classmates are literally going to be on the hot seat. does that make sense?

[roseworth]

i think cass and duke both have (different) complicated relationships with whether or not they see bruce as their father (or even the bats as their family) but we’re not allowed to talk about that bc people would just use it as another excuse to exclude them

[nyaskitten]

starting to realize maybe I don't ship literally any Ninjago ships outside of like, Amberphoenix, Pixane, Garsako (pry that one from my cold, dead, lifeless body bro), and Lava, but even then I'm not really like. sure how much I even care for any of those ships...

[taegularities]

being here has never felt this suffocating.. it feels impossible sometimes to continue

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured

[lion-buddy]

being the resident nezuko liker is such a challenge sometimes