#i just sometimes look through old convos and remember how i felt back then and how i hoped that anxiety was wrong and to just push through

[rosekasa]

it kinda sucks that my biggest fear over the past 2.5 years was that all the people that i spoke to and considered as friends actually would just forget about me if i disappeared and then it kinda like. came true

[sweet-art-o-mine]

Tropes [Death x Reader - Darksiders]

[[A/N: Author Allie here. Still just writing more Darksiders (specifically Death) stuff because I love this brooding old man so much, and I love the idea of an Apocalypse-surviving human slowly worming their way into Death’s heart because they’re just so earnest and nice lol. We still don’t have any requests at the moment, so please feel free to drop something in the ask box! We write for a variety of fandoms if you check our FAQ!]]

Summary: Death and Reader (human survivor) settle down in a cave to wait out a storm. You bring up an innocent topic that ends up reminding Death of some bad memories. Word Count: 1,788 Warnings: None. Just a deep convo about movie tropes and vaguely mentioning Death’s past regrets.

-----

"Antihero."

The sudden soft sound of your voice nearly startled the Nephelim on the other side of the enclave the two of you were camping out in. 

Days ago, Death had come to visit you on the smoldering wreckage of your planet, as always, and told you of his plans to head out soon. You hadn't really expected him to say yes when you asked if you could join him, but you certainly weren't disappointed. He sometimes let you go exploring with him, but there were many more times when he deemed it too dangerous for a human to go and simply left you to continue picking up the shattered remnants of your home world alone. You’d take any excuse to get away from the corpses and clean-up for a while.

Whatever planet you were on now was pockmarked with deep craters and caves, one of which you two had temporarily made your campsite while the skies opened up to a torrent of green-grey rain that seemed to wither away any living thing it came into contact with.

"What?" He asked after a moment of silence when it seemed clear you weren't going to continue. You looked just as startled as he felt, then - perhaps you hadn’t even realized you’d spoken at all.

"Oh, sorry, I was just thinking out loud."

He poked at the fire burning comfortably between the two of you. You laid flat on your back atop your jacket that you'd rolled out onto the cave floor, one arm used as a pillow to make yourself just a bit more comfortable. Dust laid on your stomach, snoozing peacefully. Despair was nowhere to be found, but Death had assured you when you’d made shelter than he was perfectly fine wherever he’d run off to.

"Thoughts are typically meant to be kept in your head," he spoke dryly in his deep, sonorous voice. It may have been captivating to listen to, if not for the fact that he was poking fun at you. You narrowed your eyes at him in a playful pout, but otherwise didn't react much to his words. You'd known Death for far too long to let any of his dry wit bother you - besides, you knew it was all fun and games for the most part. He meant no real harm in the things he said.

"Remember our conversation earlier, before it started raining? About popular tropes in movies?" He glanced back up at you, one brow raised in a curious expression hidden beneath his carved bone mask. There were many, many parts of human culture that he knew nothing about, and sometimes when the two of you traveled and the silence stretched on, you'd start explaining something new to him. Sometimes he would bluntly tell you to stay quiet, but those moments were rare and only reserved for when he was in a foul mood or needed to listen for something. Most days, he just let you ramble on and listened in on every other word or so. He wasn't that interested in how your cultures were shaped on varying beliefs through history or the many dialect differences in otherwise similar languages, but he did often think, with a hidden underlying sense of respect, that humanity had proven time and time again to be quite a formidable people. There was no magic on your world, yet your technology could almost rival that of Heaven's.

Almost. You still didn’t have sword-guns like they did.

(You haven’t told him of bayonets yet.)

But earlier, riding double on Despair as you trotted through this withering planet, you'd begun explaining what you referred to as 'common character tropes in films'. You'd first had to explain what movies were to him, and though he didn't understand how your technology worked, he understood that a 'movie' was something akin to a play on a stage where the people acted out their parts for amusement. You'd mentioned themes and patterns that were often followed, and even told him that there was one he fit perfectly.

"I remind you of a character in a play?" He'd snorted.

"Movie," you corrected him, "But no. Your goals, your morals, they're just like this one trope..."

But for the life of you, you couldn't remember what it was you'd wanted to say. He'd jokingly said it was for the best, that he didn't care to know your 'tropes' anyway, but apparently not remembering a simple word is something that bothers you immensely. You'd been silently thinking on it for the rest of the day, and even well into the night. And, now, you'd finally found it.

You smiled. "That's what I was thinking of! You're the antihero."

He didn't respond for a moment or two, then poked at the fire again, urging the dwindling flames back to life. He didn't need it himself, his body was cool to the touch and needed no heat to function - but he knew it was something you required.

"Antihero," He repeated quietly, staring into the flames. "The villain, then?"

You shook your head vehemently, dislodging Dust from where he had been nestled onto your stomach. The damn crow had a clear favoritism for you, something he liked to make known at every possible moment. Perhaps because you often fed him from your personal stores of dried foods. He cawed in dismay, and you rested a soothing hand on his feathers as an apology even as you continued speaking with Death.

"No, no! Not a villain, per se, it's more like... An antihero is someone who does bad things for a good cause. Or at least, for a cause they believe is good. Sort of like a... the-ends-justify-the-means kind of person. That's what you are! Or, er, what you reminded me of," you smiled meekly, unable to tell if his silence was simply him processing your words or if you'd insulted him in some way. The elder Nephelim had never shied away from his misdeeds, and he'd always been blunt when he told you how he didn't regret his actions as long as he believed in the cause he committed them for.

He had nothing to say to that. Perhaps he was surprised that there was a human term for something that summed him up quite perfectly. It seemed to him that he'd been an... antihero his entire life.

As soon as that thought appeared in his mind, all the other terrible things followed suit, rising unbidden like a poison in the back of his memories. It soured his mood, and he tossed the stick he'd been holding into the flames to watch it crackle and burn. His eyes narrowed.

"You don't know all I've done, human."

You took in a deep breath. That was true - he was a secretive man, protecting his past from you as if it were his very own life he was guarding. You were sure you didn't know even the smallest fraction of the things he'd done for the Balance of Creation. But you hadn't meant to bring up all those memories that seemed, clearly, to bother him immensely. You felt the swift and immediate desire to play it off as a joke or apologize, something to lighten the mood again as it had been before... but you hesitated.

"...Well, it's true I don't know the extent of all you've done. And with your secretive personality, I imagine you'd like to keep it that way," you spoke softly, staring into his eyes with an unreadable expression.

"I would," came his curt, simple reply. The stick he'd thrown into the fire splintered from the heat with an echoing snap.

You nod once, laying back down and staring at the ceiling of the cave. You'd always respected his boundaries and his secrets, never prying or poking into his old wounds - it was a simple act of respect and kindness that instilled in him so much compassion and gratitude for you that he could not quite put into words. And even now, he knew you felt as though you were walking on eggshells around him with his broody personality, but you still gave your all to respect his desires for privacy and extend a friendly hand to him whenever he might want it.

It made him feel a twinge of guilt for his sudden coldness to you, watching you distance yourself from him in order to avoid upsetting him further. It made him wonder why you continued to seek out his companionship, even after all this time. 

But he kept his deeper thoughts and emotions, as always, hidden from you.

Long moments of silence stretched on between you two after that. Perhaps an hour passed, or longer - your mind racing as you listen to the steady downpour of rain outside the cave, and the soft crackling of the flames beside you. You'd closed your eyes at some point and now no longer knew how far back that conversation had been. When you opened them again, blearily, you saw that the fire had died down to glowing red embers. Death sat still in the same pose as before, legs crossed and arms limp in his lap as he stared at the last of the light fading away silently.

You must have fallen asleep. The rain had stopped at some point, the ground still wet, yet all the bigger puddles had been soaked up into the dehydrated ground already. Death could have woken you to continue the journey as soon as it'd ended, but he was kind enough to let you get your rest. A smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the complicated man before you. Brooding, sarcastic, cold on the outside and often difficult to approach or have a straight conversation with - yet kinder than he would let on, and ever patient with your grief and insecurities as you trudged through this unknown world without your people beside you.

Your patience for his grief and insecurities was the very least you felt you could do to repay him for his friendship.

You packed up your few traveling items in silence, Death watching all the while.

"Antiheros have always been my favorite characters," you threw over your shoulder with a small smile, heading for the cave entrance. Despair dug at the ground impatiently just outside the lip, already eager and waiting to get a move on. Death glanced at you from the corner of his bright eyes, warmer than the embers still dissipating in the fire behind you.

After a heartbeat of silence, there was a quiet, breathy chuckle. He took in a steadying breath, rolled a shoulder to work out the stiffness, and stood to join you.

[teenwolffan-with-nolife]

The Witch and The Wolf Pt.56

Word Count: 2,865

Characters: Derek Hale, Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Liam Dunbar, Chris Argent, Kira Yukimura, Kate Argent, Reader

Pairings: Derek Hale x Witch!Reader

Warnings: angst, some fluff, mentions of getting/feeling sick

A/N: okay so like i have one scene request for this series, someone wants to know the what happened in Stiles’ head back in Season three, but if anyone wants the convo between Stiles and the reader, send me an ask

Masterlist        Series Masterlist

You woke up in the middle of the night, groaning softly as you sighed, looking around the loft before feeling Stiles asleep on your arm. The two of you must have fallen asleep. You reached for your phone, trying not to wake up Stiles, before checking the time. It was only 2 in the morning.

You stroked Stiles’ hair softly, while he scooted closer to you, a small smile on your face while you remembered movie nights before everything happened, where you, Scott, and Stiles would be at peace, either your house or his.

Your mind drifted off to the thought of Derek, and his name as the password. Your heart ached at the thought of losing him. You heard some footsteps, seeing him walk into the room.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, taking a seat next to you.

“Nothing, Stiles just needed me,” you shrugged.

“Yeah? What else?”

“Nothing.”

“Wolf or not, I can tell when you’re lying,” he gave you a look as you sighed.

“Peter told me that you stopped healing, and-” you stopped yourself, debating on telling him about the Deadpool.

“And what?” he asked.

“Why didn't you tell me?” you whispered.

“(Y/N/N), I didn't want to worry you. Look, it’s not like I completely stopped healing, it just takes some time,” he replied.

“I don’t want to lose you,” you whispered.

“And you’re not going to. You're going to be stuck with me, forever. Even when we’re both like 50,” you saw the small smile on his face as you felt warmth in your chest.

“I’m hungry,” you changed the topic while he rolled his eyes.

“It’s two in the morning, I’m not cooking for you.”

“Well, I’m not waking up Stiles,” you replied.

He looked at you for a moment before rolling his eyes, while you smirked.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back,” he stood up, leaning over to give you a soft kiss as you smiled, watching him walk away.

---

“This is a terrible idea,” you, Scott, Liam, Stiles, and Kira stood around the table, four laptops on the table in front of you.

“It’s just 45 minutes,” Scott sighed.

“45 minutes too long,” you sighed.

“(Y/N), please, we need you on the plan to bring me back,” you could hear the desperation in Scott's voice as the rest of the pack turned to face you.

You groaned loudly, before nodding your head.

“Fine, I’ll bring you back,” you sighed before he nodded his head.

“Okay. So, (Y/N), you’re going to stay with Argent. Kira, Liam, and Stiles are monitoring the cameras, right?” Scott asked.

The rest of them nodded their heads before they picked up the laptops. You made your wait to Chris’ apartment, while the rest of them prepared to kill Scott.

---

“What is it?” Chris stood next to you while the two of you while you rubbed your head, leaning onto your arm.

“Nothing,” you replied, awaiting the text from Stiles.

“I know we haven't gotten to talk much as of recent but you do know you can still talk to me, right?” you smiled softly as he put his hand on your shoulder.

“A lot is happening, I just don't know where to start,” you shrugged.

“Yeah? Try,” he crossed his arms while you straightened out, facing him.

“This whole Deadpool thing is just crazy, some random hunter, whose wife I apparently killed came after me,” you saw him tense up as you shook your head.

“I’m fine now, I didn't kill him so it doesn't matter, I just realized that… maybe sometimes it's necessary to kill people. I mean, if Agent McCall wasn't there at the school with me, Stiles would have a bullet through his brain,” you explained.

“Well, if he wasn't there, you would have found another way,” he replied.

“Maybe, but maybe not,” you sighed.

The two of you went silent for a second before he spoke again.

“I can feel you holding back, you know,” he replied.

“I think Derek’s dying,” you said quickly, while he raised an eyebrow.

“What do you mean Derek’s dying?” he asked.

“I don’t… Kate did something to him. He’s losing his powers, h-he can’t heal, or hear or smell o-or anything… he’s dying,” you could feel hot tears rushing to your eyes as you sniffled, wiping them away as you turned your back to Chris.

“How do you know he's dying for sure?” Chris asked.

“Lydia,” you said softly.

He wrapped his arms around you tightly while you moved, burying your head into his chest as you cried softly, holding him tightly.

“I don’t want to lose him,” you said.

“I know you don’t. I’m so sorry, kiddo,” Chris said, while he began to caress your arm.

“We can’t do this right now, we have to wait till Stiles calls us,” you sniffled, wiping your face as you stood up.

“We’ll figure this out,” he said softly.

You could feel more and more tears rushing to your eyes as you closed them, taking deep breaths while you felt a wave of sickness hit you.

Again?

“(Y/N)?” you could hear your phone ringing in the distance as you clenched your jaw, taking deep breaths.

“Are you okay? (Y/N)?” Chris asked again.

You nodded yes, looking at the text from Stiles.

“Scott’s dead,” you held in a groan as you dug your nails into your palm, getting a look from Chris before you opened the computer, while Chris began to enter the log.

Scott McCall dead. Payment requested

Visual confirmation is required. 

You turned the laptop towards you, taking a deep breath.

Visual confirmation isn't possible. Police coming to claim body in 40 minutes. 

Visual confirmation is required for payment.

“Tell him number one on the list is dead,” Chris said.

Number one on the list is dead. I killed him. If the wire transfer isn't completed in forty minutes…

I’m coming after you.

---

The two of you walked into the hospital, making your way to the rest of the pack. You saw Melissa and Noshiko sitting in the car, on watch for anyone that could be the Benefactor.

28 minutes left

“(Y/N),” you heard Stiles call your name as you walked into the empty room, seeing three laptops on the bed, with cameras on each of them.

“Anything suspicious?” you asked.

“No, nothing yet,” he sighed.

“I’m going to go walk around. Don’t do anything stupid, okay?” you rolled your eyes, nodding at Chris as he left the room.

“Has anyone talked to Lydia yet?” you asked.

“No, she’s at her lake house,” Kira replied.

You nodded, before squinting, leaning forward as you groaned.

“What is it?” Liam immediately asked.

“I’m old, apparently. My back hurts,” you whined.

“You’re not even 20 yet-” Stiles interrupted.

“Shh,” you replied.

“Did you see that!” Liam pointed to the camera, while the three of you looked, not noticing anything strange.

“The camera flickered,” he pointed out.

“Maybe it's just old,” you shrugged.

You saw it flicker again before it went out.

“I’ll go check it out,” Kira nodded. 

“What? No, what if it is something?” you shook your head.

“That’s why I’m going to take this,” she held her Katana, before walking out, Liam following her.

“Stiles, text me if anything happens, I’m going to check on Scott,” you said.

He nodded his head, while you made your way to the morgue, finding the tag for Scott’s body as you pulled it out of the cabinet.

You could feel yourself feeling sick, seeing Scott’s lifeless body in front of you, all pale.

“Sensus cordis pulsatio,” your eyes glew purple as you could hear his heartbeat faintly, while you put your hand over his chest. His body was freezing.

You could feel something strange over him, as you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath.

Something was wrong.

You put your hands on the sides of his head, taking a deep breath.

Scott climbed out of the locker, gasping as he fell to the side, noticing he was at Beacon Hills High. He caught a lacrosse ball, thrown to him by Liam.

“That’s because you’re the alpha,” Liam said.

Scott made his way, following Liam through the hallway before he entered the classroom.

“Liam?” he asked, looking around the now empty classroom.

He heard the sound of something slicing, before he turned around, seeing Liam’s face drop, a pained expression taking over his face before blood dripped from his mouth.

He fell to the floor, a military tomahawk buried into his back, with The Mute standing behind him. 

Scott tensed up before The Mute put his finger over the area where his mouth would be, shushing Scott.

You gasped for air, jumping back from Scott as you felt your head spinning, your stomach twisting into a knot while you could barely keep yourself standing up. 

You tried to keep yourself up, rushing over to the sink as you collapsed onto the sink, digging your nails onto the rim tightly as you gasped for air, trying to calm yourself.

You gagged, but nothing came out as you felt the wave of nausea hit you.

You rinsed your face with water, slowing down your breathing before closing your eyes.

You’re okay, you’re okay

You ran your fingers through your hair, sniffling before you closed the cabinet, putting Scott’s body back in, before noticing the lights flickering in the room.

You stopped out of the morgue, hearing people yelling as they ran past you, while you tensed up.

“(Y/N)!” Stiles yelled, running to you while you grabbed his arm.

“Stay with Scott,” your eyes glew purple as he nodded, running into the morgue as you clenched your fist, walking down the hallway.

---

The Berserker hit the wall, before falling to the floor, as you breathed heavily, trying to catch your breath.

“(Y/N)!” Chris grabbed your arm, before noticing the Berserker.

“Did you kill it?!” he yelled, shocked.

“No, it’s just unconscious,” you replied.

“We need to go to Scott’s body, Kate's here and she’s going to try to take it,” you tensed at hearing Kate’s name.

“Where is she?” you replied.

“Don’t even think about doing anything stupid, kid. Just come with me,” he pulled your arm as you pulled away.

“I need to know what she did to Derek,” you ran, hearing Chris calling for you.

---

“Kate!” she pushed you into the wall, pressing her hand against your throat as your eyes glew purple.

“Oh, sweetie, there’s no reason to treat an old friend like that,” you could see the smirk on her face as you pushed her arm upwards, before hitting her stomach, and pulling her arm behind her back as she was taken by surprise, letting out a small laugh.

“What the hell did you do to my boyfriend,” you applied more pressure to her arm, as she laughed again.

She twisted your arm, elbowing you in the head, as you groaned, stumbling back before she pushed you against the wall, putting her arm across your neck to hold you back.

“I didn't do anything. And if you knew what was good for you, you wouldn't try to fight me. Especially not now,” she said in a taunting voice.

“What the hell are you talking about?” you groaned, trying to push away from her.

“Sweetie, you have no idea what’s going on inside of you, do you?!” she let out a sarcastic laugh, having the same smile on her face, the one you used to fear.

“Tell me what you’re talking about,” you demanded.

“You’ll figure out sooner or later,” she shrugged.

“Kate! Let her go! Now!” you heard Chris’ gun cocking, as he stood behind Kate, aiming his gun for her head.

“Chris, come on. We both know you’re not going to shoot,” she let go of you, while you fell to the side, before pulling the gun out of Chris’ hand, hitting him with it.

For someone who was struggling with wolf powers, she was handling it surprisingly well, getting you suspicious. She must have had some form of help.

“Oh my god!” you heard Stiles exclaim as Chris fell into the morgue.

“Stiles, run,” you said.

“What about Scott?” he replied.

“Saepem coici,” you locked the doors of the morgue behind you.

“(Y/N), what are you doing?” you could hear Chris yelling out to you as you dug your nails into your fist.

“You're not taking Scott,” you said.

“Are you going to stop me?” she scoffed.

“Kate, please. We have a plan and we need you to leave, okay?” Chris tried to reason with her.

“Tell me what,” Kate replied, while Chris pulled out his second gun.

“Shoot me, then,” Kate stood proudly, crossing her arms.

“Kate, I don’t want to shoot you. Will you just listen to me and leave?” you noticed Chris’ tensed figure, he didn't want to shoot Kate either.

“Kate, please,” he begged.

She stood there in disbelief, before shaking her head.

“Fine,” she scoffed.

That was all?

You released your spell, frowning slightly before she walked out of the morgue, while you let out a breath.

“Thirty seconds. You need to bring Scott back, now,” Stiles pulled out the cabinet, as you put your hand over Scott’s heart.

“Imperium,” your eyes glew purple as you saw the energy go through Scott, as he yelled, jumping up.

“Scott?” he was startled, taking deep breaths as he looked around the room.

“W-Where’s Kira and Liam?” he asked.

“We’re right here,” the two of them walked into the room, while Scott wrapped his arms around all four of you.

You could see slight redness in his eyes, while you remembered what you saw in his head, you didn't know how long it went on for.

“You did it work?” he asked.

“No, it didn't,” you shook your head.

“Damn it,” he groaned.

“Well, he obviously knew you weren't really dead, which means, he has a…” you started.

“A banshee,” Kira finished.

You nodded your head, while Scott rubbed the nape of his neck.

“I need to go find my mom,” he muttered.

You helped him off the table, as he walked out of the morgue, the rest of them following him.

“Now what’s on your mind?” Chris asked.

“Kate… I need to go check on Derek, I haven't heard from him all night,” you replied.

“Well, get on out of here. Stay out of trouble, I’ll let you know if anything happens,” he replied.

“Thanks,” you said, before you walked out of the morgue, leaving the hospital.

---

“Hey,” you buried your face in his arms, taking him by surprise as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders.

“That bad?” he asked.

“The Benefactor didn't even show up. He has a banshee or something on his side,” you replied.

You rested your head on his shoulder, taking a shaky breath.

“What else happened tonight?” he turned you to face him, giving you a concerned look.

“Nothing, it's just Kate, and she was just saying these things and getting in my head, and-” you started.

“Kate was there? At the hospital?” he asked.

“Yeah, but it doesn't even matter, I just… I don’t know,” you shook your head, looking down.

“Hey, talk to me,” he put his hands on both sides of your face, wiping away the tears you didn't know you had.

“I love you,” you sniffled.

“I love you too. Talk to me, (Y/N/N),” he said softly.

“I don’t want you to die,” you cried softly.

“I’m not going to die, (Y/N)...”

“Y-You are gonna die! N-Now I know for sure a-and with everything…” you bit your lip, holding in your cries as held your hand.

“What do you mean you know for sure?” he asked.

“Lydia,” you replied.

“Banshees can be wrong, you know,” he started.

“No, they can’t,” you scoffed.

He went quiet, before looking into your eyes.

“I say if I am truly dying, then we make the most of it,” he replied.

“Are you… Are you crazy? We should be finding Kate, we should be finding a way to save you,” you replied.

“Why waste our time?” he started.

“Wasting our time?!” you yelled.

“It’s not a waste of time! It’s a matter of your life or your death!” you yelled at him.

“(Y/N), calm down,” he started.

“Stop telling me to calm down all the time! You should be getting mad!” you exclaimed.

“Stop!” he yelled.

You ran your fingers through your hair, before shaking your head.

“I am begging you to stop,” you could hear the desperation in his voice as you sniffled softly.

He wrapped his arms around you tightly, while you could feel his tears falling onto your face.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” you said softly.

“Don't worry about it. Now, I want you to come with me because I made you a really fancy dinner and I don't want it to go to waste,” you laughed softly, wiping your face.

“It’s like 3 in the morning,” you said.

“I don’t care. Come on,” he pulled you with him, keeping his arm around your waist, keeping you close by his side.

[tangledinmdzs]

always yours - yi city mdzs characters hcs

the last of the best friend series head canons!

this is a modern version (stay tuned for a different version (v^ー°) )

»»——⍟——««

Xiao Xingchen

stepping into high school, you’ve always felt out of your depth

both from the pressure of moving to a new town and entering another stage of education in your life

it was kind of intimidating

mildly stressful

and you know it shouldn’t be much of a bother to try and fit in and find your crowd

because good things take time (as your parents have reminded you)

and that you were such a lovable person, so

who wouldn’t want to be your friend?

but it still didn’t change the fact that it was hard, nonetheless

luckily, when you’re kind of floating about in between the crowds of people and laughter in the first lunch of your first year, see an empty seat for you to snag

considering how crowded the lunch room was, you feel quite proud of yourself

so you sit down at the spot without a second thought

not even realizing that the seat in front of your empty one was occupied

you’re digging heartily, halfway through your sandwich, when you realize that someone is looking at you

and that’s when you meet Xingchen, immediately humored by your enthusiasm with food 

definitely not one of your best first impressions

but it’s surely something that sticks

because aside from finding out that you both are in the same grade, you both have a plethora of classes together as well

and it becomes easy for you to find a familiar face to gravitate to in your classes

throughout the year

he’s the person that saves you a seat in the cafeteria whenever the teacher from the previous class lets you out late

you’re the person that shares your notes with him in class so that you both can be caught up

you’re each other’s first choice as partners

and it’s so so easy being friends with someone as lovely and wonderful as Xingchen

and he’s so great in everything

from his smarts

to his genuine kindness

and you know that he deserves the world

which is why

your world comes to a halting stop

when Xiao Xingchen is suddenly blinded after an accident

luckily he’s not fully blind

but his vision is heavily impaired 

and you know that your high school is not the right environment for him safety and social wise

you know it is for the best that his parents are making plans to find a better accommodating school for him

but...

he’s your only, truest, friend, 

and it’s only been a short while since you both have met

but you can’t imagine going through the last remaining two years high school without 

and as you sit next to his hospital bed, feel his warm hand clutch yours

you think that 

he feels the same

»»——⍟——««

A-Qing

you meet A-Qing as you’re helping Xiao Xingchen around the your high school, helping him to orient in an old place through a new perspective

you can’t lie and say that it’s not frustrating

but Xingchen’s always been more patient than you

even now, 

when you were supposed to be helping him

it saddens you sometimes

when you can’t be of more help to him than you currently are

“i think this would be pretty useful,” 

both you and Xingchen startle at the voice that talks to you both

your eyes find a young girl, probably a freshman, staring up at you

her hand holds out a small foldable stick

“it’s a white cane, it’ll help him feel out the floor better than you saying ‘watch out’ every other minute” the girl notes

“he can still see,” you try to correct, because everyone nowadays just assumes that Xingchen is fully blind... and he just accepts it like he accepts everything in his life-

“oh, i’ve never tried a cane before. i think that could be of help,” Xingchen says in his quiet voice, he turns to you though not fully enough to meet your eyes staring at him

you’ve gotten more used to his profile than his full face as of recently

“can you give it to me, y/n” Xingchen asks you, 

and he’s using that voice with you

the ‘be patient, let’s try it’ voice

you manage a stiff nod at the girl, and take the white cane from her and open it from Xingchen

we you place the handle that he’s supposed to hold in his palm, Xingchen as polite as ever says,

“thank you... um...”

“A-Qing,” the girl finally introduces and then turns to you, a half smile on her face

“and you’re y/n,” the young girl parrots from what she heard before

you nod at her, a small ‘thank you’ coming from you too

‘it’s no problem. my grandma is blind so i understand you too,” A-Qing says 

at that, you realize, that it would be good to befriend someone that has experience in helping visually impaired people

because you wanted to learn how to help Xingchen better

you friendship starts from Xingchen’s hardships

but as you three spend more time together,

the difficulties of his life lessen

especially with A-Qing’s support

you two become his two closest friends

and A-Qing morphs more into a little sister to you

because for all of her knowledge with Xingchen’s situation, she was still very very new to the high school situation

so she relied on your guidance (in that aspect) as much as you relied on her to help you help Xingchen

but you three come together like a sandwich

and all is well

until your third year of high school

when trouble comes in the form of a human person

»»——⍟——««

Xue Yang 

trouble goes by the name of Xue Yang

your high school is relatively medium sized so you think that if you haven’t met everyone yet at least you know of most people

but 

when you walk into the hallway at the sight of someone taunting Xingchen, you can’t help the way your blood boils

A-Qing is still young,

and the boy that’s flicking and pushing at Xingchen’s calm shoulder looks to be about your age, an junior

you’re about to intervene when you’re surprised at Xingchen’s quick handed grasp of the man’s hand when it lands on his chest for the third (and final time)

Xingchen holds the wrist tightly

and you remember that before, a short while ago, Xingchen used to do material arts after school

he probably never forgot his instincts, having practiced for so many years

“what do you think you’re doing?” 

at the sound of your voice, the boy spares you a glance, 

and then you give a short sigh under your breath

because it was Xue Yang

it was always Xue Yang

“just chatting with your boyfriend, y/n. no need to go all mama bird” Xue Yang teases and takes his hand roughly out of Xingchen’s grasp

“he’s not my boyfriend,” you correct Xue Yang, going up to Xingchen’s side to stare Xue Yang down

Xue Yang laughs, humorlessly 

“you sure about that? because i think you’re probably babying him even more than his real mother,” and you really want to land a good fist to Xue Yang’s face

but Xingchen’s true testament to your friendship is that he just knows you well enough to reach a hand out and hold your wrist, hold you back from doing anything rash

because your little convo with Xue Yang had already grabbed enough of a crowd

you let Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing lead you away, though you manage to spare a long glare at Xue Yang before he fully leaves your sight

from then on, you all try to avoid Xue Yang as best as you can

and you stay closer to A-Qing and Xiao Xingchen

because it seems like you’re Xue Yang repellent

he only bothers the other two when you’re not within the vicinity 

and you don’t dare think that Xue Yang is scared of you (Xue Yang isn’t scared of anything)

but it’s a little blessing that you’re grateful for

you don’t want anyone making Xingchen’s life harder than it already was

and you think that you can get through the last few months of junior year without trouble

well you hope

but one memorable time that trouble visits you

is in the turn spring

right before you you’re about to finish your junior year (practically already a senior in high school)

Xue Yang catches your arm when you’re on your way out of school after your free block

drags you to the bleachers despite your protests 

you glare at him, 

he stares at you, sighs

“what?” you ask

“you don’t care about anything that has to do with us do you?”

you sigh as you lean your back on the edges of the bleacher seats

“why do you put your friends before us all the time?”

“because he needs me-”

“more than i do?”

Xue Yang’s question surprises you, slightly

but you regain your composure quickly

“talk to me again when you learn that a relationship has friends and partners,

not everything in life is about you” 

and that’s the final time you talk to him

»»——⍟——««

Song Lan

Song Lan comes back into your life as abruptly as he had left it

he had always been more of Xingchen’s friend than yours

you remember him being introduced to you as the quiet, barely smiling but loyal friend that Xingchen knew from way back

he and you never talked much

but he talked a lot with Xingchen

and you could tell that the both of them were close

they made each other happy

which was why his abrupt exit from high school

at the time where Xingchen needed him the most

was difficult for you to understand

though at the same time

his departure gave you a better chance to prove your friendship to Xingchen

to be the person that was there for him when it seemed like no one was

and you think that the chapter of old friendships had closed when you graduated high school

so you didn’t think you’d ever see Song Lan again

let alone, see him in your second year of college in the middle of your campus walk with Xingchen’s arm linked with yours 

“y/n? why’d you stop? we’re going to be late for class”

and now, with Xingchen fully blind

you were somewhat the eyes for him when it came to new places and people

A-Qing was still in her final year of high school, already planning on following your footsteps and applying to the same college as you guys

so it was all left to you

how do you explain to XIngchen that you just saw his best friend that had left him in high school all those years ago without so much as a goodbye?

should you even let him know?

luckily, you don’t have to make the choice

when Song Lan turns and walks away immediately, not looking back

“it’s nothing, i was just startled when a squirrel ran past,” you lie to Xingchen

and continue walking on the path that you both are on

but Xingchen knows you better than yourself

and he can tell that your grip around his arm is a bit tighter than before

but he doesn’t mention anything

~~~

fate would have it that that was not the last encounter that you have with Song Lan

and the next time you do see him, you don’t let him off the hook so easily

“where did you go? how are you here now?” you ask him, when you manage to latch onto his arm at the small campus cafe 

he takes his wrist out of your grasp easily

though his face looks slightly more expressive than you remember he used to be

“how’s Xingchen?” he counters with you and you huff out an exasperated laugh

“you wouldn’t need to ask me that if you had been there for us,” you find yourself saying

because you can still remember, vividly

the first few weeks of Xingchen’s blindness

his embarrassment towards you where you know he wouldn’t have been with Song Lan

and how much he missed him

“do you... do you think i can see him?” Song Lan asks, a beat after your heavy comment

you truly wonder what Xiao Xingchen would have to say to this

because you may be his best friend

but you can’t make his decisions for him

“i don’t know, why don’t you ask him,” you tell Song Lan, then tilt your head

when Song Lan turns around, he sees the person who he’s looking for right away

Xiao Xingchen is hard to miss

Song Lan stares

now it all comes down to, whether or not he would take the first step to him or not

[smuckersblr]

Clueless Part 1

Peter tapped his freshly manicured french nails on the marbled countertop. Italian music was softly playing on the stereo near the fridge, the TV in the living room across from where he stood was playing the muted news. Another attack in Manhattan taken care of by the red robot that everyone is calling IronMan.

Peter huffed and looked over the dieted food for his dad he had just packed for his lunch, and waited for the coffee to be done pouring. “Daddy! Hurry up you’re gonna be late for your meeting!” Peter’s dad, Tony Stark, was a world-renowned businessman/engineer.

And Peter was his ‘infamous child prodigy’, is what Dr.Strange, his dad’s close friend, likes to call him. Peter was the popular kid at school, the one who knew how to dress amazingly enough to be on the cover of ELLE with his famous everyday outfits, the kid that had all A’s and was on the honor roll each year and won many science conventions first place awards; and yet he was still known to be the most liked and admired at school.

Peter bit his glossed lips while examining his manicure, thinking about the dinner tonight that he had to go to with his dad, something about ‘linking up with old friends. Tony came into the room through the arch and was fixing his tie while looking at his watch.

“Pete don’t tell me you made that crap diet food for me today, I’m gonna have a long day of meetings and a burger already sounds amazing for lunch.” Peter scrunched up his freckled nose in distaste at the grease patty his father called heaven.

Peter poured his dad's coffee in a stainless steel coffee cup. “Daddy you know Dr. Strange said that it’s the best way to help if you want to live past fifty.” Tony rolled his eyes and took the packed food and coffee cup anyways. “So now you're going to listen to whatever that man tells you?” Peter pecked his dad’s cheek, rubbing away the gloss smudge with his thumb with a fond smile.

“I’m gonna listen to any man with a Bachelor's degree daddy.” His dad smiled fondly and hugged his son. “That’s my boy.” And before Tony left through the archway to the foyer he turned around and looked Peter up and down.

“You and the girls plan something for after school? Because you know we’re going out tonight kid.” Peter looked down over his clothes for the day. A Versace dual print button-up that reached down midthigh with white shorts. And a white Gucci belt to cinch his waist to show his figure and his white leather Prada pumps with his Speedy Bandouliere 25 to tie everything together.

“We’re matching today and it was Nat’s turn to pick the designer, and I know dad all you’ve been talking about is this dinner.” Tony hummed and sipped his coffee, rolling his eyes at his son’s attitude but, never-the-less hugged Peter and both walked out to the front of their round-about cobbled driveway and both went into their respectable vehicles.

----------

Once Peter rolled up to Natasha’s giant house with the same green patch of luscious grass and beautifully cut bushes around the property with giant gates at the entrance, Peter honked twice, and while waiting he checked himself out in his bedazzled hand mirror.

His curls for the day were in wet-styled auburn curls and his eyes were glossed with a wet shine and blush blended perfectly into his tan skin from his dad’s last business trip in Mexico. Peter smiled at the enchanting memory of mimosas being handed to him on the beach with the sound of waves crashing in the background and oiled pure white skin under the blazing sun and the sound of beautiful Latino music playing at the beach’s bar behind him.

Peter remembered the dream-like Hispanic men lounging around him in swimming shorts and glorious brown skin and bright white smiles. His dad finally enjoyed his time without work or stress at the bar, smiling and laughing with beautiful Latina women.

Peter snapped out of his loving memory when Natasha jumped in the front seat of his white topless jeep.

“Hey Pete, hurry so we can get to Shuri’s house, I don’t want to hear her complain about being late to class.” She rolled her eyes lovingly and looked at herself through the front seat mirror and pushed up her curls.

He snorted at Nat's teasing and pulled away from the curb. “You know that outfit will catch Steve’s eye right?” She looked me up and down with a devilish smirk on her red painted lips, Peter always did admire how she pulled off red so damn well.

Peter looked over at her once they hit a red light. “Every outfit I wear catches that man’s eye, Nat.” Then another burst of laughter came out from both of them.

Once Peter pulled up to Shuri’s house, he already knew she was gonna give them hell for the time.

Peter absentmindedly looked at the time on the jeep, only ten minutes ‘till the bell rings, they’ve got plenty of time. Shuri came in the car with a flourish of the door slamming shut and a huff that came from her lips. While Peter was pulling away from the curb he looked in the rearview mirror and smiled at Shuri.

“What’s got you in a fit S?” Shuri flung a strand of her box braid behind her shoulder in annoyance and sulked in the back with her Prada handbag clutched in her lap. “T’Challa was actin’ lame this mornin’, only because I asked him why he was acting out last night with his friends,” And once Shuri started talking about her brother, both Natasha and Peter tuned in, even when they arrived in the school’s parking lot, the deets on T was always juicy.

“Get this guys I overheard T talkin’ about you Pete and how he’s surprised your daddy hasn’t sent you to a catholic school already because he and his friends think you're easy, then somehow that turned into a convo on how he would totally--and I quote--"Tap that ass".” She said this conversationally while all three of them were walking towards the school with their heels clicking and bags in hand.

Peter gawked and Nat let out a snort. “Okay, but doesn’t he know that Pete is a total virgin?” Nat brought up while Peter was minutely speechless for the first time in forever and then he snapped back to life. “What a skeeze.'' Both girls nodded in resolution and then they split for class once they got into the school’s hallway.

———

At lunch Peter walked to his and the girls' table in the middle of the outside cafeteria with a lime popsicle in one dainty hand, sucking the tip of the icy treat while soaking in the glances he got from his peers. Peter sat with a flourish and waved at the girls in greeting.

“Pete whatcha doing tonight I wanna see if you could go shopping with us.” Wanda leaned forward with her chewing gum on one finger while she chewed on her apple slices.

Peter pouted, “Sorry Wand, I got this dinner thing with my dad and his friends tonight.” Wanda gave a humph and hunched her shoulders. “You know I find it weird how Pete’s dad is an actual DILF and his friends are just as fine.” Shuri brought up, which got the girls around the table nodding in agreement. Peter rolled his eyes and flipped Shuri off when she broke out laughing.

Lunch had just begun but usually, Steve would be right next to Peter with his macchiato in hand. “Looking for your boy toy?” Shuri swirled a baby carrot in the dollop of the ranch she only treated herself to once a month.

Peter grimaced and shook his head indifferently, sucking the treat back into his mouth with an eye roll from his friend's laughter. Peter knew that Steve had it for him and was at his beck and call even if he acted like he was just doing it to be nice.

Peter rarely felt guilty for using his crush to his advantage but he also explicitly told Steve that he wasn’t looking to date anyone. Besides his father would go ballistic on him, he distinctly told him he wasn’t allowed to date anyone, and I quote, ‘until you find a guy who has his own business that I can buy and make sure that I have control over him’.

Peter was drawn out of his thoughts when he realized there was a shadow cast over him. Peter turned and titled his head up, there standing was his saving grace in the hands of his best friend. “One almond milk macchiato with no foam and two shots of espresso for my very beautiful best friend, Peter Stark.”

Sam by Steve’s side made a face and looked at Steve hurt, “I thought I was your beautiful best friend.” Steve ignored him though and smiled beamingly at Peter’s plucked arched eyebrow. “You gonna give me it or are you also my handler.” Nat by his side snorted and shook her head. “Not until you look at my outfit Stark.” Peter rolled his eyes with an apathetic air to him.

Peter didn’t like playing Steve’s silly games, but he still wanted his coffee and he wanted it now. So he let his eyes roam up and down Steve’s body. A Classic Damier Pique polo and nice fitted dusty blue slacks. He wore a smirk on those lips every female seemed to love and his blonde hair was slicked back with a pair of black Gucci sunglasses on his head.

Peter furrowed his brows and glared at Natasha who was pointedly not catching his eyes. “Did Nat tell you we were matching with Louis today?”

“Just took a wild guess, cuz I know she knows what I like on you.” Peter rolled his eyes and feigned a vexed look. “You know I told you I can't have you flirting with me Stevie, I'm not allowed to date.” Steve shrugged his shoulders and handed over Peter’s drink.

“You know you can't keep me away from you, doll.” Sam scoffed next to him and shook his head, walking away from the situation and heading towards the benches where their friends stood.

“You better follow your only source of affection before he decides to not hold your hand anymore when your feelings get hurt.” Peter waved his hand in a dismissive way and turned back to the table.

Steve shook his head, even though Peter wasn’t paying any more attention to him. Sometimes Steve wishes he could just smack the sense into Peter that he would do anything to be with him. Maybe instead of a smack, it’d be a kiss.

----------

At Eleven Madison Park, Peter dined with his father, Rhodey, and Dr. Banner. The bright smiles and charisma felt like second nature to Peter, he was taught great mannerisms by his Nonna and Nonno when he used to stay at their condo in Malibu while his dad was out on business trips.

“Listen, all I'm saying Tony, is that Pete has the credentials to be a part of my branch.” Bruce held his hands up in surrender. Peter sipped the glass of champagne idly, pretending that he wasn’t the face of this conversation.

“Oh trust me, I know my genius son has the credentials to be a part of any big business. But I rather him not work for anyone,” Tony cut a piece of steak with vigor and popped it in his mouth.

“Besides he’s too much like me, he wouldn’t listen to you Bruce, he likes challenges.” Bruce laughed and shook his head, looking over at Peter with a smile.

“The kids gotta start somewhere Tones.” Rhodey pointed out with a raised brow, his eyes going over to Peter where he was cutting a sliver from his seasoned lamb. “Jeez, Rhodes you say it like my son can’t start out big.” Tony lifted his wine glass to his lips with a stubborn glint to his eyes, he always did get protective of his son.

“I never said that-” Rhodey was cut off by a phone's ringtone chiming. Tony grunted and pulled out his stark phone with an annoyed air to him. Rhodey looked over to Peter and gave a pleading look, “I never said that Pete.” Peter laughed under his breath and lifted his champagne flute towards Rhodey in a tribute to his faith in the man. “I know Rhodey.”

Rhodey smiled and saluted his glass back, sipping his white wine and looking over at Bruce trying to not grimace at his meal. “Whoever thought to themselves that, “oh yes lamb's tongue sounds like a great meal to serve” should be in prison.” that got Peter smiling wider and knocked the toe of his heel to Bruce’s shin lightly, playfully.

The rest of the dinner was spent with laughs and more teasing, but soon rolled into business talk like it usually trickled into with every event they go to. But before his dad started going on one of his rants on his current projects, Dr. Banner quickly set his wine glass down from lifting to his mouth and hurriedly said: “Maybe we shouldn’t get into details while Peter is still here?”. The words make Peter stop mid-bite and look up from his plate to see the shifty eyes of one Dr. Banner and Tony Stark. Rhodey seemed just as confused and paused in his own autopilot of taking a sip from his tumbler. But before Peter could try and butt in and demand a reason, the waiter came by and asked if they would like any dessert, to which Peter got distracted by his father shoving a menu of the small assortment of desserts the restaurant served. Tony knew his son had a thing for sweets and got lost in his own world easily once he focused on something else. One point to daddy Stark and zero to the poor spawn of the billionaire.

[artificialqueens]

Tension (Rajila) - Kiyo

A/N - My first submission so, I hope this goes well, this pretty much comedic with of course, a lot of tension and a questionable friendship and usage of the word platonic.

Author blog: @nilaluzon

********

"What kind of person does that to a kid-" Alexis asked in shock to what Manila had just told her. "I have no idea but he did, he yelled at him and basically made him cry because he didn't get 90% when the poor guy had like, 83% if I remember correctly."

Alexis and Manila had been having this discussion for a bit now, simply talking about stories from their childhoods, it was always fun to know what kind of stupid things they had done back then...or stupid things people in their surroundings did.

"Honey, I'm sorry but, your school was fucking crazy, these kid's parents sound like kids themselves." Alexis shook her head, all these anecdotes had been quiet crazy on Manila's end and she just didn't get it, how did people do these things and why would they? Sometimes Alexis wondered how some people did not have the blessing of common sense and it was pretty sad because other people had to endure the consequences of their stupidity.

"Girl, you haven't heard this one." Manila chuckled. "There was this other time where that same kid stole a pencil from me, so, as a 9 year old, I was pretty upset about it, so I waited for him outside the school entrance and he was with his dad." Manila explained whilst Alexis nodded, finishing her glass of wine, keeping her eyes on her friend as she spoke.

"So, I came up to them and I said. 'Hey, can you give me my pencil back, you've had it for 3 days, I want it back.' And I'm not making this up but his dad looked at him and slapped this poor kid's soul out of him over a pencil- I was so shocked, he was so freaking angry." Manila giggled, thinking back on it.

"So then, he looked at me, still very angry and all that jazz then said with the creepiest fucking angry voice to exist. 'You'll have your pencil tomorrow.' That's all he said before storming off with his kid, literally dragging him down the street." Manila chuckled. "I was just out of it the rest of that day, I thought he might have killed his kid when they got home, I felt so bad."

"Girl, Honey, Nila- What the fuck was wrong with your hometown." Alexis asked with genuine concern in her voice, making Manila laugh. "I have no idea but that was the period in my life where I felt like the only normal person because, my classmates parents either we're super strict and borderline beated their kids or they let them do whatever they wanted all the time. Meanwhile, I was at the middle ground." Manila explained, she couldn't stop chuckling, the expression on Alexis's face was absolutely hilarious.

Her expression was a mix of concern, disgust and confusion. "Ma'am, I hope you got therapy for all that trauma." Alexis sat back in her chair with her arms crossed. "I didn't-" Manila laughed again yet Alexis stayed serious.

"I can tell." Alexis chuckled and Manila gave her a mocked-offended look. "Excuse me, I'm not that bad, do I look that mentally ill to you-?"

"You wore a pineapple dress."

"That is hot couture, glamorous and unique, I don't get how that reflects my mental status whatsoever." Manila responded. "And look, atleast I was gorgeous wearing it." She shrugged.

"I'm even more concerned about you now- first of all, your friend got beat by his dad over a pencil, then you had another friend who tried smoking a cigarette at 9 years old and then someone from your class set a trash can on fire and to top it all off, you dress up as food." Alexis sighed, facepalming.

"Hey, it isn't that bad, I didn't tell you about that time where-"

"I don't wanna know Manila, no thank you. Do not project your trauma onto me, I've went through enough already." Alexis giggled, seeing Manila start to sulk because of Alexis's response.

"Do not look at me like that-" Alexis laughed, making Manila laugh as well. "You can't even take yourself seriously." Alexis chuckled. "Yes I can!" Manila said defensively with a hint of sarcasm in her voice, trying to look serious again.

The conversation could have went on with Alexis teasing her younger friend but that was interrupted by Raja who sat inbetween the two, out of nowhere, visibly irritating Alexis.

"Hope I'm not interrupting you two." Raja smiling proudly as she saw her friends look at her with annoyed expressions, well, the annoyed expression came from Alexis, Manila on the other hand looked pretty happy and excited to see the older queen.

"No, you're not, we we're actually getting impatient of waiting for you." Manila explained with a small smile on her face.

"Well, I'm old, I walk slowly so bare with me." Raja joked. "But you have long legs." Manila responded, there was no excuse- "You got me there-" Raja sighed.

"Am I thirdwheeling now or what?" Alexis raised a brow, Raja's back was turned to her, basically excluding her from the conversation with Manila. "I mean, only if you want to." Raja shrugged, glancing back at Alexis who rolled her eyes, getting up and leaving the pair to talk alone. Yara wanted to hang with Alexis anyways, so it wasn't a big deal, she definitely wasn't going to spend her night alone, like Farrah.

-----

"You won't believe me." Alexis complained as soon as she approached Yara. "You thirdwheeled?" Yara raised a brow, already knowing the answer. "Yeah, how'd you know?" Alexis looked at her with a puzzled expression, sitting next to her friend.

"You only say that to me after Raja pushed you out of a conversation you we're having with Manila, so it was quiet obvious that this was the reason." Yara shrugged as if this was casual by now.

"I've been thinking about those two, they always try and make the convo only them, well, atleast Raja does that." Yara explained, basically talking to herself since Alexis pulled out her phone. "And Raja is always like 'Manila this, Manila that.' It's weird and annoying, don't you think- are you even listening to me?" Yara sighed.

"I agree." Alexis lazily answered. "I just don't have the energy to talk about those two, they get on my nerves honestly." She sighed. "Why?" Yara raised a brow, putting her drink down on the table.

"Like you said, with Raja, it's always about Manila and meanwhile, Manila never says shit to get Raja to stop isolating her away from us, I don't even think she noticed that Raja always tried to keep her to herself." Alexis responded, thinking about the many times Raja interrupted a group dicussion by just snatching Manila away from the group, pretty weird if you ask her.

"Yeah, I mean, it's pretty obvious that she likes Nila." Yara shrugged. "Why tho?" Alexis asked in disgust, making Yara wheeze- "Do you no like Nila?"

"Well, she's fucking annoying most of the time, she can be nice but she's so noisy and never stops talking, I don't get why Raja would want that as a girlfriend, if that's even what she wants."

"That's a bit hypocritical of you to say after you've been complaining about Raja never letting anyone speak with Manila." Yara teased her friend who rolled her eyes at her. "That's why Manila is so noisy now, she barley has an opportunity to talk to us."

"You're exaggerating." Yara responded, chuckling.

"What are you guy's talking about?" The infamous and lonely Farrah Moan approached the pair. "Just about how much Manila annoys Alexis." Yara told Farrah, patting the space beside her to invite the younger queen to sit down with them.

"Hm, speaking of Manila, don't you think her and Raja are crushing on each other?" Farrah suggested before sitting beside Yara. "Exactly! That's what I was saying." Alexis responded enthusiastically at the fact someone shared her opinion. "They're both so fucking obvious." Alexis huffed.

"Like, Raja has her fucking hand on her thigh and Manila is basically eye-fucking that corpse." Alexis just wanted them to fuck already, like, stop acting as if nothing is up, just do it, no one cares. "You seem very passionate about those two for somebody who dislikes them." Farrah giggled.

"I'm not, I just find it annoying that they don't just do it already." Alexis quickly responded, it's true, Manila and Raja had never done shit about that tension between them as far as Alexis knew and it irritated everybody.

"Do what-?" Yara hadn't been following this rant Alexis started. "Fuck." Alexis sighed. "The sexual tension kills everyone, like, we'd be at a restaurant and they're just eyefucking each other and cuddling-"

"It's definitely getting frustrating to watch, I gotta agree." Farrah said. "Because they're always so close to actually doing something but then they never do it, which is kinda like you're about to climax but you don't."

"Exacta-fucking-ly." Alexis finally somebody who voiced what they thought about that duo, She basically said what everyone was thinking and Farrah confirmed her theory.

"Look, look, look, look, look." Alexis pointed at the couple. "They're so fucking close- like her hand- look at her hand!"

The two weren't even talking, just staring at each other, Manila had a stupid smile on her face whilst Raja had a simple grin with her hand rested on Manila's upper thigh, rubbing circles with her thump on Manila's exposed skin.

"FUCK EACH OTHER!" Yara yelled at them, breaking whatever moment they we're having and making them visibly embarrassed as some of their friends stared at them, glancing back and forth from Yara to Raja and Manila.

-

"Give me a second." Manila quickly whispered to Raja them speed walked over to the trio who we're intensly looking at her. "What was that about Yara!?" Manila snapped at her friend. "Nothingggg-" Yara smiled awkwardly.

"We just want you two to stop your flirting game and just fuck already." Alexis shrugged, seeing the confused expression on Manila's face annoyed her right away. "Flirting? We're not flirting."

"Please-" Farrah laughed at Manila. "She was staring deep in your soul and feeling your thigh, that isn't flirting?" Farrah was questioning what Manila even considered flirting anymore or maybe Farrah was just wrong about the definition, who knows?

"No, she wasn't even touching me." Manila huffed.

"Girl." Alexis gave her the really queen? Stare.

"Miss thing-" Farrah looked at her as if she we're the dumbest person alive.

"Oh my god." Yara facepalmed.

"What? She wasn't." Manila stood her ground, crossing her arms. "Babygirl, yes she was." Alexis sighed.

"Whatever." Yara shook her head and made a motion for Manila to go away. "Just go home, you're obviously too drunk to know whats going on."

"I drank one glass, I'm not drunk." Manila whined but Alexis was not about to deal with a Manila tantrum right now. "Take an IQ test girl." Farrah giggled before Alexis stood up and grabbed Manila's hand. "Look, darling, consider therapy, I really recommend it." She said, seriously, making Manila roll her eyes before storming off.

"Well, I hope she takes my advice." Farrah giggled and received a slap on the arm from Yara. "You're stupider than her bitch, shut the fuck up with you IQ test looking ass." She laughed. "It wasn't a bad idea." Alexis shrugged, sitting back down.

-----

Manila stormed out the club, feeling upset, she had no idea why she was but she felt betrayed in some odd way. Why would they say that and why Yara yell thay infront of everybody? Manila felt embrassed, her and Raja we're just friend, they'd never done anything together...that was complete delusion on her part to think that because Manila recalled moment's they had but it was after a long nights of drinking and excuses to so things but she barely remembered snippets of encounters.

But even if it did happen, Alexis anf Yara had no right to say something like they had ---

"Nila-" Raja snatched Manila by the wrist, making her abruptly stop in her path. "What!?" Manila snapped but turned to see Raja. "Oh, Raja...my bad." Manila sighed, relaxing a little yet still having a tense feeling in her chest. "Where are you going?" Raja frowned, letting go of Manila's wrist, noticing the red mark she'd left on her skin from grabbing her that harshly.

Fuck... Raja thought to herself before looking back at her short friend. "I was going home." Manila responded, crossing her arms. "Why? Weren't we suppose to have fun till 3 am or something? It's barely 11 pm...and you said you'dcome back to talk to me." Raja said with a worried tone in her voice, mumbling the last part butal she could think of was if there had been something that happened to Manila to make her upset her this much?

"I know, I just, I got angry, they kept saying we we're acting weird or something and I guess that it made me really upset but now that I think about it... it was really dumb to storm off, sorry." Manila took a deep breath, not being able to hold eye contact with Raja. "That's fine, they won't know anyway.." Raja responded, taking a step closer to Manila, looking down at her. "Are you calming down?"

"I think so.." Manila shrugged. "Look at me." Raja sighed. "Are you still upset?"

"..."

Raja cupped Manila's face, making her look up at her, here came the tension once more, just like earlier, Manila felt her heart beat out of her chest as Raja looked at her, she could no longer look away, she didn't want to. "Are you upset?" Raja asked once again.

"Yeah, I don't know why...they'd..say that." Manila could barely focus, she knew she was staring but so was Raja. "I see." Raja sighed. "Do you want me to walk you home?" Raja raised a brow and tilted her head slightly.

"I want you to stay with me..." Manila mumbled, hugging Raja and resting her head against her chest, hearing the taller woman's heartbeat.

"You want to stay here, outside?" Raja asked again, wanting clear answers from Manila, it was quiet cute how shy she was being but it didn't help them carry this conversation.

"Whatever you want, i just want to stay with you." Manila answered, clearly not wanting to carry on talking. "Alright." Raja sighed, now she needed to find away to break the hug without it being awkward...

"I love how clingy you are but I need to just..." Raja started her sentence, slightly bending down and passing one of her arms under Manila's knees, picking her up bridal style. "...Pick you up and get you home."

"Can we go to your place instead..?" Manila asked, somehow not bothered by the gesture.

Manila didn't want Raja to just get her home then leave her, tonight she didn't want to be left alone.. "Of course." Raja giggled softly.

Manila and Raja's friendship was odd to say the least, well, to other people it was weird but this was normal for the both of them, they'd always been quiet clingy but people thought they we're dating but always ended up disappointed when they found out that they we're just close friends.

Raja started walking, thanking the lord that Manila had made that request because she couldn't see herself carry Manila to that house, it was pretty far away, meanwhile, Raja's apartment was really close to the club they'd been at.

Raja started walking pretty quickly because people seeing her carry an upset and tired girl who looked far younger than her probably wasn't a good look at all-

-

After finally getting to the front door of her apartment, Raja carefully put down Manila who immediately hugged her arm, sticking to the older woman like glue. Raja could tell that her friend was in a very clingy mood if it wasn't obvious enough.

After finding the keys to her appartement, Raja opened the door, walking in with Manila then quickly closing the door and to her surprise, Manila pushed Raja against the wall, not hard at all but damn was she needy, being cuddly with Raja right away.

"Nila, I adore you but, don't want you wanna cuddle on the couch or in bed? The wall isn't exactly comfortable" Raja giggled, seeing Manila take a step back and crossing her arms with her annoyed expression that Raja knew all too well.

"Aw, come on, don't look at me like that, this really makes me believe you're a light weight because the only logical reason to why you'd do this is, is because you're drunk but you only drank one glass." Raja chuckled, grabbing Manila's hand and then leading the way to her bedroom.

"Make yourself at home, I mean, pretend it's not like you already sleep here 3 nights a week with me." Raja chuckled and got hit in the shoulder playfully by Manila. "I'm tired, let's sle-" Manila got cut off by the door bell ringing and Raja was visibly annoyed like Manila, huffing before making her way to the front door, leaving Manila in her bedroom to sit on Raja's bed.

-

Raja opened the door to see Bob of all people, which wasn't too pleasant of a surprise right now.

"May I ask why you're at my door step at midnight?" Raja sighed, Bob had this smile on her face, Raja would say she looked stupid but she was going to keep that thought to herself.

"Well, I know you're pretty lonely most of the time so, I was wondering if we could hang out since Monet is busy tonight." Bob suggested but got caught off guard when she saw Manila walk towards them, hugging Raja's arm and resting her head on her shoulder. "What's up?" Manila asked, not bothering to look at Bob as she kept her eye's on Raja.

"Oh- Nothing much." Bob chuckled awkwardly, she must've been interrupting something and she clearly felt tension build between her and Manila and it wasn't exactly positive.

"Babe, you didn't tell me Bob was going to come around." Manila looked at Raja, clearly annoyed by Bob's presence. "She just dropped by to ask me to hang out-"

"-You're gonna leave me here? You promised you'd stay with me, I love your apartment but I love it make when you're with me." Manila whined, hugging Raja tighter. "Of course not, I was gonna tell her that I'm-"

"-We're busy." Manila finished Raja's sentence then eyed Bob who was clearly regretting every life choice that led her up to this moment. "Okay, well, I'll be on my way-" Bob chuckled awkwardly then quickly walked away, borderline running, not waiting for Raja to close the door.

-

Raja locked the door then looked at Manila with an intrigued look. "Are we busy...babe?" She asked teasingly. "Mhm." Manila smiled. "You really are a handful, you scared that small bean away." Raja giggled.

"My plan worked, now we won't be bother by anybody, it'll be just us and that weird Madonna poster you have in your living room." Manila giggled. "I don't know if I'm offended or amused." Raja sighed and shook her head. "I don't have the energy to defend that fabulous poster right now so, I'll just agree with you." Raja chuckled.

"Can we go sleep now?" Manila whined. "With that attitude, we're not sleeping." Raja grinned. "Aren't we?" Manila giggled at what Raja was suggesting. "Are you that tired?" Raja sighed. "Not anymore." Manila smirked.

"Good because..." Raja smiled and cupped Manila's face. "I want to make you my babe tonight." She kissed her softly. "All platonically of course...as always." Raja chuckled. "All platonic." Manila giggled.

There was absolutely nothing platonic about their relationship but no one knew that nor did they have to know. Having their friends push them together when in fact they already we're together most of the time in many sense was quiet funny to say the least but, tonight there was no laughing about who and what somebody said...tonight they'd be beating up the word platonic.

[mcrmadness]

This is just me talking about (my) asexuality and aromanticism and mainly about how I figured I'm aroace. I'm from Finland and recently turned 30 so my experience and "lgbt+ history" might not be what you know it as, especially if you are not from Europe, or if your native language is English.

Also this is highly personal, so I doubt anyone here will have 100% same experience. But that's fine because remember: we're all individuals here and these are NEVER universal. You're still valid even if you wouldn't relate to what being aspec is to me.

It might be IS a long post so beware, but I've just been feeling like writing down some thoughts so here we go...

What I have been able to track is that I was 17, in 2008, when I first stumbled upon the term "asexuality". I don't remember exactly how, but I just remember reading about it and immediately going "yeah that's me". But what I do remember is that no one talked it being about sexual attraction. Basically how understood it was: asexuality = sex-repulsion.

I was 17, and somehow I knew I was sex-repulsed, but at the same time also thought I'm just a minor, so it's normal to be sex-repulsed. But even after turning 18, I don't recall ever feeling sexual attraction. I didn't think of myself as a "late bloomer" but just as someone who just has no interest towards sex. At some point I became really anxious of men, however. Nothing has ever happened to me* but still I, for some reason, developed terrible fear of men. I'm afab and just did not want to be seen as an object, and it made, still makes me, terrified to think someone might look at me and have Emotions. I know that we can't control our brains, I mean, I can't look at someone and force myself to feel attraction - just like those who do feel attraction, can't force themselves to stop feeling attraction. They can only control their actions. But yeah, I also had horrible (sexual) intrusive thoughts due to my generalized anxiety disorder at some point, which did not really help. They got a bit better when I came into terms with my asexuality and aromanticism, but sometimes they still come at me and it's never fun, but at least they're not as strong as what they used to be.

*(Unless if you can count that as sexual harrasment when, CW, I was 11 and a classmate was "into" me and tried to touch my face and talk "sweet things" to me but made it into a show despite me being uncomfortable and usually crying cos as a neurodivergent I didn't know how else to react.)

But anyway, back to the topic. So for years I understood asexuality as sex-repulsion, but I guess it's because I, well, am a sex-repulsed ace. So if I'm sex-repulsed, why would I then look at someone and feel something if I'm repulsed by the thing anyway? Like, it probably can't get any simpler than this :D And I know today that it's not as simple anymore. But that was 2008, at school (in ~2005) they only talked about gays a little, on one page in a sex.ed. book that otherwise was maybe 100 pages long. Only one page. About gays. And it was basically "Some boys like boys or some girls like girls and it's totally fine." and that was it, but the overall assumption was that everyone likes someone. And also there were no romantic orientations. Liking someone = both sexually and romantically. Not liking = not a thing except when you were depressed or otherwise mentally ill, or autistic or mentally disabled (which is a SUPER ableist take btw). I don't remember teachers ever talking about this, but it could also just be my adhd, maybe they did mention, but I just don't remember. At least in my notebooks there is no mention of this, everything was very much heteronormative and amatonormative, and also there was only two genders. I don't remember ever hearing about transgender people, apart from foreign documentaries and in them they were always portrayed as some shocking freaks of the nature, and loads of wrong terms were used. And this is still the mid and late 2000s we're talking about!

So this takes us to the other part aka aromanticism. Back then asexuality was not only sex-repulsion but also merged together with aromanticism, because people didn't talk about romantic orientations yet. So asexuality was not only sex-repulsion, but also you simply just not wanting a relationship. Again, nothing about attraction, just someone who did not care about sex nor relationships. A "forever single", if you will.

This was already annoying me a lot back then because I was really annoyed by sex "running the world". I was so angry because why is asexual the only sexuality that doesn't like sex? All the other sexualities had the assumption of them always wanting to have sex. Like, even think about someone who is straight, you hear that someone is straight, and you automatically assume(d) that oh they're into sex too cos why wouldn't they be. This was really driving me nuts because I was sure there are people who want to have a partner, but never want to have sex! I was still experiencing crushes, and I knew for sure it was nothing sexual, so it annoyed me that just because I'm asexual, it means I can't have crushes. That's why I actually called myself as "asexual bi" for a while, because "bisexual" indicated I would have not been sex-repulsed and I wanted to point out that I'm NOT into sexual things, at all - and remember that this was still the late 2000s or early 2010s and I had not heard of romantic orientations yet! So I was up to something, there just were no terms for that yet! Today that would be called bi-/panromantic asexual.

I haven't been able to track the exact date or even year when did I figure out I'm aromantic, or when did I hear about romantic orientations for the first time. From the messages I've been able to find, I was already in my early 20s. Aka somewhere around maybe 2011-2013. In those, I have still been wondering what I am or if I even want to have a relationship, not being really able to tell what I wanted or didn't want. Again, no one told me romantic orientations are about ATTRACTION and not about whether you have commitment issues or not (this as a half-joke, cos I have severe commitment issues with everything :D I need to feel free!).

Anyway, I do remember my key moment with aromanticism, or the "aromantic awakening" as you could call it too, was when I was 17 or 18. Or maybe I was older? I don't know, I have time blindness. Anyway, I had this one online friend I had a "crush" on (I think it was just undiagnosed adhd's person hyperfixation) and I even told her about it. Everything just is super shady, from those years, I was not really on my best and there are so many overlapping memories that feel like different alternative universes instead of memories on a same timeline. Anyway, I just remember at some point thinking about this girl and I thought about some "romantic" stuff, like kissing, and I just remember my brain going "NOOOOOPE!" I had wanted to meet with her some day so bad, but when I started thinking about actually meeting with her, I started to nope the fuck out. All I had in my head was awkward embarrassing "first kiss" scenarios from movies and I just was not having it! I basically went "lol I guess I'm aro too, then XD" but I still don't remember when did I have this realization. Was I 17? Or was I, say, 22? I guess I need to go through my old MSN Messenger and Skype convos some day to investigate this further because I really want to know. I couldn't even find anything from my Tumblr from those times (I registered here in 2011), but I don't know if that's just me not tagging or Tumblr search functioning normally (aka it never finds anything).

But yeah, I am touch-repulsed. And kiss-repulsed, and romance-repulsed, too, (unless it's my OTP we're talking about). I'm still not exactly sure if I'm touch repulsed because I'm aromantic, or if I'm aromantic because I'm touch-repulsed. I only know that because of my sensory issues (I'm neurodivergent), I have never liked touching nor being touched. Even as a little kid I hated hugs and never liked sitting on anyone's lap. I only tolerated my parents, mainly my mom, because they were my safe place as an extremely shy baby/toddler/kid, who was especially wary about men. I can't explain the latter, but there was something about adult men that caused me (as a baby) to hide my face against my mom's shoulder if they talked to me. I did that to everyone I didn't know, but especially to men I didn't know. No idea why.

I also remember how my siblings loved to sit on people's laps and were always climbing onto their laps, and I didn't like this. And once my (late) grandma was so touched when she asked me if I want to sit on her lap (I was maybe 5-7?) and I agreed just to make her happy. I still remember how it felt, and I did not like it at all, but it still made my grandma so happy that I THINK she almost cried when she told my mom I actually agreed to sit on her lap. I'm not sure how real this last part of the memory is because I was so young. But I do remember thinking I do that for a change because I knew my grandma would be happy.

So yeah, my touch-repulsion is not exactly a new thing but just something that has been a part of my personality forever. But is that the core reason for why I only feel aesthetic attraction? I never look at people and feel like I wanna touch. More of the opposite, the idea of having to touch them or them touching me makes me go "eeewww". If you have seen that video of a gibbon shaking their whole body after seeing a rat in their exhibit? That's what I feel like when I think about touching or being touched, in just any way, also platonically.

The only time I feel "sensual attraction" is when I see photos or videos of animals. The urge to pet a tiger is insane. But the feel of another human's skin or muscle (or hair or whatever) is very repulsive to me.

I still remember how disgusting it felt to e.g. sit on a cousin's lap. We sometimes used swings like this, and somehow I was aware of it not feeling nice, but still not doing anything about it cos it also was okay? Only later I have realized I really, really loathe the texture of human skin. Or the warmth and overall feeling of a human body. For example, I was at least 7 or younger when I sat on my cousin's lap while we were sitting on a swing and STILL, after over 20 years, I have that all in my body memory. I remember how the thigh bone felt under my legs and how freaking disgusting the muscles felt inbetween. Also at school, on the 1st grade, we often had to walk in a line of twos after the teacher and hold the pair's hand so no one gets lost. My then-friend had so ridiculously dry skin that the only thing I could think of was how I felt like throwing up because the skin on her palm felt so damn disgusting. I still can feel that in my hand when I think of it. That's one of my "core memories" from 1st grade - how disgusting the human skin can feel like.

I don't think I have ever felt actual romantic attraction towards anyone. It's really difficult to differentiate because as I mentioned, I get those people hyperfixations easily. I guess it's the same hormones but I never really want to do anything with them? I guess it's the emotional intimacy that "attracts" me and what gets me excited, but I'm still not exactly sure what emotional intimacy means to me. I don't exactly fall into the QPR category either, in a way I wish I had a best friend whose best friend also I would be, and that neither would have anyone else who is "better" than the other one. But the only intimacy there would be emotional intimacy, nothing else. And I need my freedom so I wouldn't move in with any human being, either.

Sometimes I've thought my "ideal partner" would be a robot because if I get annoyed, I could just turn it off and stuff into a closet and leave there, and if I felt like not having a "relationship" anymore, I could just remove the harddrive and destroy the robot, or both. That way I would be the only one with the memories, and I wouldn't have to worry about someone out there knowing things about me, things that only the closest can know, and I'm really afraid of letting anyone close in case it won't work (also with regular friendships) because I can't stop thinking about how much I wish I had that MIB memory cancelling device so that they would again know almost nothing, or at least much much less about me. There's already one friendship that ended a few years ago and I still keep thinking about how I wish I could take everything back and how I wish they delete(d) all the files and drawings and stuff I sent them. There are so many things about me I wish I never told them, now as we are no longer friends. Back then it felt like "of course this is gonna last a lifetime!" but turns out that nope, not all friendships will.

I guess it's time to stop rambling. This post is really long already. If you read it all the way here: congrats. And thanks. You probably just wasted your time but... that's on you I guess :DDD But yeah, some thoughts from a 30-years-old aroace who has been aware of their identity for at least or almost 10 years now.

[prydeofthexmen23]

Candlelight

A Dwayne From The Lost Boys One Shot

Okay, so this is my first Lost Boys Imagine with Dwayne. It’s with one of my OCs and it’s inspired by a convo I had with @80s-whore-university. I apologize in advance for my grammar and spelling errors. Enjoy!

~*~

Laura huffed against the window, allowing her breath to fuse with the glass. She'd often done this as a child when she was bored at her grandparents house and her cousins were too busy watching Scooby Doo re-runs to notice she'd moved to another room. Her fingers traced the little white spot until it became a transparent heart. Laura smiled, then immediately frowned. “I've officially lost it.”

She wiped the heart away with her sleeve and made her way to the door, unbolting it again and peeking out. She tried to avoid the rain, but it dripped from the gutters and dotted her bangs. I don't even know why I bother, she thought, locking the door again with an exasperated sigh. If it's raining, there's no reason for him to come. They'll keep him since the Boardwalk's closed. She nodded her head. She knew their habits well. Dwayne wasn't coming - not in this weather.

"I need tea," she said to her pup. Bandit's ears perked up at the word. Tea meant cookies. Cookies meant crumbs. And crumbs meant he'd surely get a snack. In her laziness, Laura grabbed a mug from the cabinet – the little one with constellations on the side Dwayne had given her for her birthday. She smiled at the memory, then quickly filled the cup with water, and shoved it into the microwave. Pushing the buttons, Laura felt herself relax as she watched the little stars rotate under the fluorescent light.

At first, she didn't even notice his arms wrap around her torso. She'd grown accustomed to the sensation – the feeling of his arms drawing her closer, the weight of his chin on her shoulder.

"I thought you weren't coming," she whispered, relaxing into the embrace. "I didn't hear you come in."

"Bandit let me in."

"Bandit doesn't have opposable thumbs." He didn't answer, but Laura could feel him smile as he kissed her neck. "I'm surprised David let you leave."

"Oh, he didn't."

"Ah, so you betrayed your leader."

"Betrayed is a strong word," he replied, releasing her as the microwave beeped. He removed the mug, quickly moving to the cabinets above the sink. "I just left without asking.” He extracted a packet of Chamomile. After ripping the packet with teeth, a habit Laura never quite understood, but respected, Dwayne placed the tea in the mug and motioned her toward the couch.

"I'd say that's a betrayal. I mean he probably expected you to spend the day with Laddie."

"Nah, Paul and Marko have it covered. When I left, they were making a Tik Tok to Savage."

"Real classy."

"I think you mean Bougie and ratchet." Dwayne laughed as Laura's eyes widened.

"Please," she began, rubbing her eyes. "Please, never use those words again. Or you'll turn into Paul."

"Ah, and we can't have that." Dwayne grabbed some throw pillows from the couch and placed gently on the floor before taking a seat on the ground. "Come on, sweets." Laura obliged, settling herself between his legs as she sipped her tea. Dwayne flipped on the television and made his way to Netflix. He might have struggled with the concept at first, but now he couldn't get enough. The platform really did have everything he could ever dream of watching.

"Really, again?" Laura whined as he hovered over The Crown.

"You don't want to see Diana pass the Balmoral test?"

Laura looked up at him with a smirk. "Okay, the fact that you know what that is and I don't proves that you've been watching this for too long. No.” Dwayne placed a kiss on her forehead. Shit, well played. "Fine, let's watch Camilla and Charles fuck up a perfectly normal teenage girl."

"Thank you."

"You know for someone who idolizes Karl Marx, I don't think your obsession with the English monarchy is healthy."

"Shhhh.” He kissed her gently on the lips. "Let people enjoy things," he whispered as Laura laughed.

~*~

Laura felt herself begin to doze off. What is it about Chamomile that makes you sleepy? she wondered as she leaned against Dwayne. At first, he didn't seem to notice her drowsiness – too engrossed in the world of royals. For the last two hours, Laura and Dwayne had watched Diana and Charles tie the knot, have a child, travel to Australia, and, as usual, fight over his relationship with Camilla. Laura's eyes closed as Diana demanded that Charles leave Camilla...for the umtempth time. Silently, she tried to sync her breathing with Dwayne's as he lowered the volume for the newest screaming match.

"What the hell?" Dwayne cried.

Laura's eyes fluttered open. The entire room was dark, pitch black. If she wasn't sitting against Dwayne, Laura would have been more panicked.

“No! Diana was about to confront Camilla at the birthday party!"

"We must have blown a fuse,” Laura replied through her giggles. She wished she could see Dwayne’s face. Laura was certain it read frustrated fangirl.

Dwayne let out an exasperated sigh before flinging the remote onto the couch. "You okay, babe?"

"I'm good. You can see right?" She felt Dwayne nod against her before picking her up. He wrapped his arms underneath her knees as he moved to the fuse box. Using her phone, Laura tried each switch twice, flipping the little dials back and forth.

"The rain must have caused an outage."

"You got candles?"

"Kitchen," Laura replied as she snuggled into his chest. Dwayne carried her into the kitchen and helped her onto the counter, where she pulled a menorah from the cabinet.

"Got it?" he asked, stretching out his arms.

Yup," she replied, jumping back into his arms. She didn't bother to ask where he was. He was always where she needed him. Catching her again, Dwayne carried her back into the living room, where Laura struck a match. The tiny flame guided her toward the blue and white candles.

"Really?" Dwayne laughed as Laura placed the candles into their waxed slots. Gradually, the blue menorah began to glow, painting the room in a pale yellow light.

"It's all I had!" Laura protested. "Besides, my grandmother used to light hers when the power went out. It's tradition." Dwayne threw her a lopsided grin. "What? I'm serious...Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing," Dwayne said. "I didn't say anything."

"Oh shut up." She pushed him as he stood up. Taking off his leather jacket, he laid down on the couch and kicked up off his converse. In the soft candlelight, Laura took in the sight of his bare chest. He closed his eyes for a moment, shifting to get comfortable as Laura fiddled with her candles. For some reason, she was finding it difficult to concentrate.

"Enjoying the view," Dwayne teased.

"Mmmm...maybe."

"Then come join me," he said, open his arms to her. Laura obeyed, setting the final candle in place. The rain continued to beat against the sides of her home, but Laura paid it little mind. Instead, she buried her nose in the crook of Dwayne’s neck, inhaling his scent. Something about it put her at ease – even in the middle of a black out. Dwayne drew a blanket over them, rubbing gentle circles on the small of her back.

"Dwayne," Laura began. He hummed in reply, closing his eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"What is it, baby?"

"Where'd you get this scar?” she asked, tracing over the mark on his shoulder.

"Long story," he said, placing a kiss on her lips. He was trying to change the subject and she knew it.

"We got time," she sighed through his embrace. "I don't think you're gonna be watching The Crown again anytime soon and I'm genuinely curious."

Dwayne leaned his forehead against hers. “You really wanna know, kid?” She nodded. “Alright, well...” He paused, closing his eyes again. His lips formed a thin line. Uh oh, I know that look. Laura kissed his neck.

“There’s no pressure. You don’t have to tell me.”

“I don’t mind. To be honest, I’m surprised it didn’t go away when David changed me.”

“Yeah, I thought his blood would have smoothed everything out. Made you look all shiny like Edward Cullen.”

Dwayne rolled his eyes. “Yeah I’m sure that’s what David expected too, but I guess it stuck.” He paused again, taking a deep breath.

“Take your time.”

“I got it when I was thirteen,” he continued. “When I was with some friends...Did I ever tell you my family lived on a Rez?”

“Rez?”

“Reservation. Back in the 30’s.”

“No, you didn’t,” Laura replied, trailing her fingers across his chest. Then again, she thought, you haven’t really told me anything about your past. She thought of saying so, but bit her tongue. She wanted to hear what he had to say.

“In Arizona. There’s not much to do there. It’s hot and unless you really like red rocks the view can get pretty boring.”

Laura gulped. He was talking more than usual. She wondered how long it would last.

“My friends and I always tried to invent stuff to do. Ya know, to pass the time. We’d go down to the railroads and try to find work laying tracks. But that got pretty boring after awhile. Sometimes, my friend Adam would sneak cigarettes out of his mom’s bedroom drawer and we’d smoke those.”

“Sounds like you were a handful.”

“Every thirteen year old boy is.”

“Okay, true. I’m sorry, continue.”

“Well one day, we got bored smoking and my best friend Pete got this dumb idea. Pete was a year older than me but for some reason he liked having me around. He always called me his little brother, which was funny considering he already had five little brothers to spare. I don’t even remember how Pete and I met, but he was the best.”

Dwayne rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. Looking down at Laura he smiled.

“What’s that look?”

“Nothing. I just didn’t know you were such a good storyteller.”

“Oh bullshit.”

“Keep going!” Laura exclaimed, lightly smacking his cheek. “I’m invested.” He kissed her again, deeper this time. Laura sighed softly as he pulled away. “Tease,” she whispered.

“Proud of it. Anyway, Pete, Adam and I were down by the tracks. It was almost midnight and we’d snuck out like always. We were just goofing around and waiting for the sun to come up when we heard a whistle.”

“A train?”

“Yup. Trains passed by all the time at night. They went straight through reservation because they figured the natives wouldn’t mind the noise. It was always big freights carrying supplies and sometimes hobos.”

“Dwayne-“

“That was the term we used at the time. Don’t hold it against me. After we heard the whistle, Pete got this weird look on his face. And he jumped down and went straight to the tracks, standing on them and whistling back at the train. At first, I thought it was a joke. I thought he was playing chicken with the train.”

“Like in Footloose?”

“Yeah, like that. People did that all the time. They liked to test their odds and see if they could cheat death. Thing was Pete’s dad had recently left and his family didn’t have any money to pay their rent let alone eat. I knew he was having a rough time, but I didn’t know how bad things really were, ya know? As the train got closer, that look on his face started to freak me out. Suddenly, it didn’t feel like a joke. Pete wasn’t playing chicken. He wasn’t playing at all.”

Laura felt her body stiffen and Dwayne pulled her closer in response.

“Adam and I keep yelling at him to get off the tracks. The train just kept getting closer and I started to panic. I don’t know what came over me. As soon as I saw the train lights hit Pete’s face, adrenaline took over. The next thing I knew I was on the ground on top of Pete watching the train going by. At first, I didn’t feel any pain. Then I felt dizzy and Adam yelled that I was bleeding. It took me a minute to realize my shoulder had knocked the side of the train.”

“Oh god, babe.” Laura sat up, her eyes welling with tears. Dwayne sat up too, wiping her cheeks with his thumbs.

“Hey, hey, hey I was fine. A few stitches and I was cleaned up. No broken bones and thank god because my mom would have killed me. But it was Pete that had it the worst. He kept apologizing and came to see me to make sure I recovered.”

“I’m sure he felt horrible.”

“Yeah but it made him wake up. After that, he got a job and helped his family out. I think he even got married and had some kids after I left town. We weren’t as close after what happened, but that didn’t matter.”

“You saved his life.”

“Nah,” Dwayne replied, lowering his head.

Laura placed a finger under his chin, lifting it so he met her green eyes. “You did. And you should be proud.” Laura gazed at the jagged line on his shoulder. “I think I know why you got to keep this scar.”

“Oh yeah why?”

“To remind you that you’re still a good person. To help you remember that there was a time you saved someone’s life instead of ending it.”

“Maybe,” Dwayne sighed, kissing her again. “Since when did you get so philosophical?”

“Blame Kafka. We started reading him yesterday.” Dwayne laughed. It wasn’t his usual soft giggle, but a heartier one that seemed to echo from his chest. “Thank you for sharing that with me,” Laura added as she yawned.

“Thank you for listening. It was nice to talk about Pete again.” Laura leaned into his shoulder, kissing the scar for good measure. “You tired babe?”

“A little. Your voice...it’s very soothing.”

“Lay back down baby,” Dwayne whispered as Laura rested on his chest. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“But you can’t sleep,” Laura argued, closing her eyes. “Not at this hour.”

“It’s okay. You rest. I’ll wait for the lights to come back on.”

[loniereads]

cr: Sufficiently Advanced Magic

*spoiler warning*

Chapter 1 - 5

Chapter one

“I was prepared in a thousand different ways that didn’t matter” - Me for every test I’ve ever taken ☺️✨✨

Omg is he gonna go look for his brother 🥺 This book said found family but make it literal - side note, love the name Tristan.

I hope it’s explained as to WHY hundreds of 17 year olds are enduring a judgment to their possible death????

Imagine you’re brother going basically missing, your mom leaving, and then your dad pulling you out of school so you can prepare to possibly ✨die✨

“It could take years to grow strong enough-” 🥺 He’s going to sacrifice years of his life and risk certain death just for a chance to reunite his family is this book gonna make me cry?

I don’t like his name as much as I like his brothers but yanno whatever- how do you even say Corin

I already hate the dad??? Hello? Your first son is gone and your second could follow in his fate and you don’t even see him off?? Fuck you buddy why are book dads such assholes

“I loathed hurting people. I always had.” so i have decided that if anything happens to Corin I will kill everyone in the room and then myself. WHAT A CUTIE SWEET SOUL

If this book forces him to hurt someone I’ll riot-

Oh my gosh he hates fighting but he’s willing to fight for his brother I LOVE HEALTHY BROTHER RELATIONSHIPS they’re so pure

Corin is so nice to try to explain all of this weapon stuff and rune stuff to me like I have any idea wtf he’s talking about- he’s talking and I’m like I’m just happy to be here ☺️

I feel like the fact that he’s paying for everything he takes is important- like maybe other people just take and don’t leave anything? But he’s like here’s a coin for you scary tower~

“It was too cute to die” why do I love Corin so

What a cute ass sweet ass cinnamon roll, my god🥺

HE FELT GUILTY FOR KILLING A SHADOW SNDKDNSK I love him sm what a king

Chapter two

Why does everything he say sound so intelligent

ldmoaha not Corin having a convo with a book

It’s been too long since I read a normal romance book why did my brain just decide to ship Corin and a BOOK

Ok but him taking time to ask about his brother has me so soft

What the flip chapter 2 was so short??? ):

Chapter three

“You shouldn’t have done that” how ominous and amazing and I love it

He so casually was like OH LOOK A DEAD BODY OH LOOKIE PEOPLE

Omg is he gonna find his brother in here- OH MY

OMG HE DID AHHHHH

just... kidding. He did infact not find him.

Oh wait someone younger than him though- so is going into the tower a choice? That would make it a little better. Like you decide when you go in or? I NEED MORE INFO PLS

The word resh is growing on me

He risked his gold key on her 🥺

I love this little merry band of criminals- also just hoping the kid doesn’t yanno....die

omg Keras is out here crushing stones with his bare hands 😏 hellooooo

Wait I’m so conflicted??? I want to trust Keras and Vera but I also want to trust the book alsnsish

Vera is a whole mood I really hope she’s not like evil or just a weird thing in the tower or idk whatever I want her to stay

AWWAIT ☹️☹️☹️ They left Keras behind- that can’t be it. He’s gotta come back right? Like book person is gonna save him? Right!!??

Chapter four

VERA SUCH A BADDDDIE

This ‘kid’ they’re carrying is just making out like a bandit, he’s just getting carried through the tower 😂

WOW FUCK YOU VERA??? UH I HOPE SOMETHING KILLS HER-but not rhe kid 😔

Okay this might be a weird jump- but WHAT IF THE BOOK ENTITY ISSSSS HIS BROTHER??????????? Like the book person seems to really care if Corin lives? so it’s either just like a really caring person, OR HIS BROTHER

Pls let me be right

That would be so cool

The book entity helped him to finish the rest completely? Is this allowed? This feels not allowed

Corin: fighting monsters with criminals in a magical tower, very time sensitive needs to escape quickly

Also Corin: lemme just wrote a little diary entry ✨☺️

So obviously he’s going to get to keep his memories

Also like he got out of the tower so easily? What?

“And don’t let anyone hassle you about your attunement.” HOW VERY OMONIOUS OF YOU TO SAY

Honestly- Fuck Magnus Cadence

REPLACEMENT? What?

His childhood bestfriend is his half sister? I love that???? Instead of making them love interests they’re half siblings that’s cool as hell. We love childhood friends to siblings trope

I will reiterate, FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

I hope we get to see their friendship bc I’m here for this trope

Chapter five

🥺 he sent the boys glove to his parents I’m so soft

Their relationship makes me so happy?? Like I love this. So they better reunite or I’ll riot

BROTHERLY RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE BESTTT

I miss Keras 🥺

I am so unsure of Sera. I do love the sudden sibling, and I really really hope they end up having a cool relationship and like she helps him find his(their) brother and hdjsjdjs

If anyone gives Corin a hard time for his attunement I’ll throw hands-

Not them earning points at their schools- All I can think about how is “10 points to gryffindor”

I love the word behooves

Can they go back into the tower already 💀 This down time is killing me. I want book entity, Keras and that boy who was unconscious the entire time back.

-side note, I absolutely love how all three of them(Keras, Corin, and Vera) were all so concerned with this unconscious boy and they literally carried him to complete safety. Who is this boy?? Will he come back? I miss him he better not be be dead. Vera can die but not unconscious boy.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera... but she’s giving me “I’m better than you because I have a better attunement” vibes and I do not like that at all so if Icneed to I will pretend to doesn’t exist.

Aw the schools has like animal representatives decisions?? CUTE UM. - there’s way too many for my brain to keep up with but I love them anyway

Not them assigning kids to basically play pranks on everyone else and tell them if they don’t find the prankster kids they lose points- what a weird ass school

“You and Patrick were practically brothers” GIRL YOU CANT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ACTUAL BROTHER WHO IS MISSING AND/OR DEAD

-Also I know Tristen isn’t dead because like then what would be the point huh? HUH? So he’s got to be alive

Or I’ll riot.

“A walking rainstorm” idk why but that is so fucking adorable. I love my new comfort raintorm, Corin.

I can’t wait for them(Corin and Sera) to meet up with their friends and they have to explain that they’re now half siblings.

Them reminding him to not lose his little sigil pin makes me feel like he’s going to lose or forget it ummmm

Imagine getting fucking EXPELLED because you forgot your pin on your other uniform.

I feel like that would be me honestly. Are people not just...forgetful in this universe??

Ngl i would hate to be in the tortoise division

Corins attunement is lamer but his division is called the Phoenix? Like that’s so much cooler than tortoise

The fact that sera is trying to convince me the Spider division isn’t real makes me feel like she’s in it???

I know my babey Corin didn’t mean this as snarky as I would have liked him to but I love this line so much.

SARCASTIC BOYS WITH DADDY ISSUES OWN ME AND IM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT

Ngl I was hoping they would have roommates- I love a good school roommate dynamic

For the third time I would like to make my opinion to be known; FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

Why has no one made a playlist for this book on Spotify? I am throughly disappointed

Not Corin being ghosted by his book-

I wish I had half the motivation Corin has? Like it’s my boys first day of school and as soon as he gets into his room he starts studying. I would have taken a nap

Oop jk as soon as he couldn’t find the rune he was looking for he went to lay in bed.

I’m sorry what in the hell is Wyddsday??? Did I miss them explaining to hat this universe has different names for it’s days of the week?? How am I supposed to know when this is Corin? Or what day it even is currently

World building is so intricate and interesting and I absolutely live for it- but it’s literally so frustrating sometimes learning and remembering everything

Okay Sera being less irritated about her studies being interrupted because it’s Corin is cute

Fuck

I still don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera

Tashday, Fersday, Kyrsday, Tensday, Vasday, and Wyddsday- either I can’t count or they’re missing a day. And what order do they go in? I need a calendar insert pls and thanks

Wait wait did he just run into an ex? What is this sndlsnsin “long-buried emotions”??

Oooo we get a name. Cecily Lambert

I didn’t possibly think I could relate to Corin anymore than I already do but here I am

The dorm chiefs introduce themselves to everyone? How cute and Curtis didn’t seem at all annoyed by Corin asking so many questions I love when upperclassman in books aren’t rude for no reason. It’s such a tiring trait they often have smh

I need his exams to hurry up because I would very much like to get back to the fast paced tower scenes-

I know absolutely nothing about Jin but I love him immensely

[gallavictorious]

11x01 Reaction Post

Random thoughts on and reactions to 11x01; no careful analysis or anything, just the bits and pieces that's not likely to make it into meta proper but which I still want to make note of so I can go back later and remember what my initial reaction to the episode was (since my impressions are likely to change as the season unfolds). Mostly Gallavich related, because duh, but there's disordered rambling on a bit of everything. Under a cut (God I miss LJ sometimes) because this got long.

Ian looks damned good as the homocidal muscle. I don't do AU:s, but if I did... On the other hand, Frank as a member of the Chicago “Eight” looks like a werewolf. Less interested in that AU. And listen, I get that they couldn't get Emmy Rossum for this, but I really miss Fiona showing up in a few random olden day pictures. She's gone, but she's still a Gallagher dammit! Carl at the slaughter house looked weird – and part of me thought that was appropriate because slightly off editing would be a sweet way of communicating that it's all bollocks, but the rest of shots looked okay (Debbie as a milk maid and Frank as the aforementioned werewolf) or good (everything else) so no.

The sound of a baby crying is a horror matched only by persistent lack of sleep so I feel for Lip and Tami so much. Here's to all parents who managed to get through the first year without murdering anybody! I think that maybe you don't get enough credit... I, for instance, want to kill someone just hearing Freddie cry in the background for half a minute. Not sure it bodes too well for their relationship for them to be so ready to spend every night apart like Lip suggests, but a, what wouldn't you do for a good night's sleep, and b, love the thought of Lip spending more time at the old house. Could see them breaking up during the course of the season, though. Not sure how I feel about that – Tami's my favourite out of Lip's love interests, but having too many of the couples staying together all through the finale wouldn't feel quite right (for Shameless) and I don't see them breaking up Ian and Mickey or Kev and V. Don't really expect Sandy or Debbie to last either, but since it's more of a casual thing it might have more of a casual end.

Do you remember when the promo dropped and there was Concern about That Look on Ian's face after he kisses Mickey, and I tag theorized about it being because Mickey stole his coffee? Turns out there wasn't really A Look in the actual episode, but I sure as hell was right about the coffee, and I want noted somewhere. Maybe there should also be a small diploma? A golden statue seems a little over the top, but I mean, if you insist...

I appreciate that Ian is very adament about it being their money but when Mickey thinks it's their breakfast it's suddenly every man for himself. Do you share or not, Ian? Hmm? (Let the record show that I'm joking, please. Ian is damned right to take his toast back, and I say this as a “person most likely to steal their partner's toast right out of their hand”. I also love that Mickey completely gives up on breakfast when he can't have Ian's toast and just grabs a beer instead.) The kitchen scene is glorious and I just really like their dynamic here; the casual kiss, “I only make breakfast for husbands who have jobs”, how relaxed it is even when Ian's a bit annoyed, Mickey being so... Mickey. I do wonder what went through his head when Ian started talking about their wedding present money, though – he seems worried for a moment, but then shrugs it off, and that could be either bravado or just actual lack of concern. I tend mostly towards the latter, since Mickey quite genuinely figures this isn't a big deal (even though he still recognizes that Ian will probably think it one). Please note that he immediately offers to get money when Ian mentions that they need more of it coming in. Not his fault Ian vetoes his methods, right? (Also love that Ian's objection is due to him not wanting to be separated from Mickey, rather than any moral qualms about robbing stores.)

Okay, the gag ball. Would they really keep it like that if they were actually using it? Maybe either of them just tossed it there after taking it off, I suppose... Yeah, I don't know. Not what I'd imagined them being into, but that might be my own extreme lack of enthusiasm for gag balls and harnesses talking. Either they're into it and if so, you do you, boys, or it was a gift and they're keeping it around and semi-prominently on display for shits and giggles. (But if it was a gift, they did try it at least once, right?)

Mickey in the bath remains stupidly and surprisingly gorgerous. Incidentally, I really don't think his question about the meds is any indication of him not thinking them important, but there's little wonder that Ian bristles at the mention of them. Maybe not be an ass just to prove a point, eh, Mick?

I've already talked about how hard Ian is trying here but let's just take another moment to congratulate our boy on his persistent attempts at mature communication. Though he might have given some actual consideration to Mickey not wanting to save the money if he's really serious about them making decisions together... But he gets there! I think this whole situation – which would royally piss most people, including me, off – is actually particularly difficult for Ian, because he might well see Mickey's behavior as uncomfortably reminiscent of Frank and Monica's destructive habits and yeah, that would fuck him up. And still! He forces himself to calm down! He takes Mickey's hand! He refuses to let himself be distracted by Mickey looking SO INSANELY PRETTY I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND IT! Ian, I salute you!

[starwars_eu_nerd_mode]KORRIBAN! YES! HA! TAKE THAT DISNEY! You take your new so-called “canon” and your “Moraband” and you fuck right off. I salute you, Bitcoin Boy![/starwars_eu_nerd_mode]

Ah, the porch scene... This one I do have a bunch of thoughs on that will probably make it into meta proper one day, so I'll leave it for now. It was the one that took the most thinking about for me to square (still not a lot, it should be noted), but now I'm actually very happy about it. (Full disclosure: none of their scenes feel quite right the first time I see them these days, because I'm just so very on edge about what's to come that I kind of miss the forest for all the trees you know? It's not a Shameless thing – it's always like this when I'm extremely invested in something and have waited for it for some time. Will it fit with how I see the characters? Will it be cringey? Will Mickey suddenly profess a love for hideous Hawaii shirts? Also, what are they saying because English is hard... But then I watch them a couple of times and they sink in and I start to get giddy over them. I guess watching actual canon unfold always requires a little bit of re-calibration if you've been busy fanoning while waiting for it to arrive, and while I love that sort of interpretative work, there’s also the fear that the show will veer off into a direction I cannot easily follow.)

Mickey's insistence that he spelled monogamy wrong does genuinely amuse me. Not to mention the whole “No more parking tickets for me!” - “You don't have a car, dumbass.” Also, Mickey being friendly with Carl kills me, in a good way. Family FTW!

Frank's storyline fails to stir even the vaguest hint of interest in me, as per usual. For all his talk of family in this episode, the lack of interaction with any of his kids is striking. If he's to have any value at all this season I'll need him to get involved in the rest of the Gallagher's storylines (which seems like it might be happening at least for a bit later on, so I'm vaguely hopeful?). I find but faint intrigue in Carl's and Debbie's stuff, but it doesn’t annoy me either so I'll call it a win. Kev and V are (almost) always a delight, but do anyone else feel like their kids are only props, even to them? I don't know... I just don't think there's a connection or sense of realness to their relationship, you know? Maybe it's just me... Anyway, here's to hoping V turning pageant mom changes all that! Oh, and I'll need Liam to have some more screentime and stuff to do.

The Tommy and Kermit thing was weird. Eh. Whatever.

Sandy is so gorgerous. I can't. The Milkoviches really be bringing it this episode.

This is only the second season I've watched episode by episode as it airs (other one was S6) and it's a curiuos experience. I think that by and large, and particularly in later seasons, Shameless works better when you binge it, but I love the delightful anticipation of waiting for a new episode and the feverent discussion that follows. Sometimes I also despair over the ferverent discussion that follows, but... you know. It is what it is. Admittedly, any attempts at meta this early in the season is a precarious venture at best, since we don't have the whole story, and it might be wiser to abstain but it's just so much fun, so I'm not very likely to stop.

All in all, I love the Gallavich stuff, am intrigued by Lip & Tami and Kev & V's lives, okay with whatever Debbie and Carl's got going on, hot for Sandy, bored by Frank, and missing Liam. It sets up a lot of promising things, but as an episode all unto itself it felt a bit empty – probably because there were no real plots and the storylines didn't intersect as much as I would have liked them to. Shameless is best when it's about family, which both the show and Frank seems to recognize, but there's little narrative follow-through on that realization in this episode; everyone is pretty much doing their own thing. Adored the Lip and Ian convo, and that house party scene was wonderful, but so short. Think we'll get more of all of them together going forward, though, and more actual plots too, so I'm very excited about it all. Can't wait for Sunday!

[defeatedbyamerechild]

Cyrus woke up. His pupils were dilated, his eyes open wide, his heart was beating much faster than normal and his muscles were tense. The whole room was dark and silent. Without even thinking, he clenched his fists, holding tight to the sheets. He felt the bitter feeling of anxiety taking over his body as he started to breathe more and more quickly, feeling the beads of sweat rolling down his face and chills running down his spine.

He tried to look around, but felt paralyzed. It was getting hard to breathe. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the step-by-step his therapist had taught him, but focusing on that seemed very difficult at the moment. The only thing he could remember clearly was that he had to slow down his breathing...

He closed his eyes and started breathing in slowly, counting the seconds in order to control the movement of his diaphragm. He remembered now. He was supposed to focus on reality... describe his surroundings. But it was too dark to see properly... Very dark and very silent... How could he describe the world if he couldn't see it? Was it all even real?

That one recurring question, that always came to his mind in moments of difficulty, was the most terrifying part of it all. Was it real? Was the room real? Was his bed real? Was he actually there? His housemates, were they actual people? Had all that time really passed and had all the things he lived really happened or had it all been just a lie, a delusion, a hallucination? Had he ever really left the Distortion World...? And was it there, staring at him with its bright red eyes...?

No, he shouldn't focus on those thoughts. Focusing on objective aspects of the real world was vital at that moment. No speculation would be beneficial under those circumstances, what he had to do was simple, practical and clear observation of the material world. The real world. It was there, it was real, he could see it and sense it...

Not that he hadn't felt and seen things before that he later realized were not real... Back in there, in the Distortion World... Under the effect of Giratina's mind tricks... The boundaries between reality and delirium were unclear.

Still, he had left that place. He had to believe he had really left that place... because if not... No. No “ifs”. It was not time for “ifs”. Keep it simple. Practical. Cold. Objective. He had always been like that, practical and objective, so why was it so hard? It wouldn't be that hard if he could just calm down... He had to calm down.

He opened his eyes, now breathing much slower than before, and glanced around. The first thing he was able to make out in the darkness was his digital clock, or rather, the glowing green numbers on its screen. It was a quarter past three. He waited for a few seconds, still working on his breathing, until the number five turned into a six. Yes, time was passing. He felt his muscles relaxing slowly. His fingers finally let go of the sheets.

He glanced around. He could see his books, his computer and his mirror, reflecting the dim moonlight coming from his window. Mentally, he described them. Their colors, their positions, their shapes... the fear started to fade away as he slowly started to believe once again that the world around him was real. He had no proof, no indications whatsoever that his current reality was fake. Everything was in place... Everything was normal. Everything was fine.

Less than ten minutes later, he had already completely calmed down. He stretched his muscles and sat up on his bed, then sighed. It had been a while since the last time he had had a nightmare... He had almost forgotten how bad they were... Compared to his post-Distortion-World night terrors, his old childhood nightmares about his parents and bad school grades seemed like a joke. His nightmares back then were just bad dreams... the ones he had now were more like flashbacks. Terrifying, painful flashbacks...

But how could he have had a nightmare after all? Where was Ayumu? He cleared his throat and stood up. Clearly, Ayumu wasn't in the room with him... But that was strange, to say the least. Ayumu had been trained specifically not to do that, and up to that point he had never failed to fulfill his duty.

Cyrus left his room and walked through the hallway straight to the stairs. If Ayumu had left his room, then it had most likely gone downstairs, since all the other doors were closed on the second floor. There was light coming from the living room and Cyrus started to suspect that someone else was awake other than him.

His suspicions were soon proven to be right. Walking downstairs, he saw Archie, sitting on an armchair near the window, with Ayumu levitating next to him.

“Archie?” said Cyrus, in a mix of confusion and annoyance.

The other man turned his head at him. “Oh, hey there, Cyrus...” he said.

“What are you doing with Ayumu?” asked the Galactic Boss, approaching his housemate, but looking at his Pokémon.

“Oh... sorry, Cy” replied the Aqua Boss, “I borrowed Ayumu for a bit, hope you don't mind.”

“In fact, I very much do mind it.” Explained Cyrus, his intonation a bit more emphatic than his usual. “As far as I know, 'borrowing' implies on my knowledge and consent regarding your temporary possession of my belongings.”

Archie winced a little “Sheesh, Cyrus... Don't call the poor little fellow a 'belonging'... he's a Pokémon after all! A little living being like you or me...”

“I am aware of that, but he is currently under my care and therefore in my possession either way,” said the blue-haired man, “besides, Ayumu isn't only any useless Pokémon. He has a task to fulfill and you should not interrupt him on it.”

The other man hesitated a little before replying.

“Hey, wait a minute... No Pokémon is useless! Every little Pokémon has something to offer! Just like people! Everyone has something to give!”

Cyrus sighed heavily before continuing to speak.

“You are deviating from the topic. My point is: do not take Ayumu away in the middle of the night again. And please ask before taking anything from me.”

“Ay, captain!” Nodded Archie, not offended by the other man's complaints. “Sorry about that... Just didn't wanna wake you up, you see? You were sleeping so tight...That's why I didn't ask you before taking him.”

“Well, I would most likely have preferred to wake up with you than the way I did just now...” he said, looking away. “What are you doing awake at a time like this anyway?” he added, afraid that Archie might ask any questions.

Archie's face suddenly fell. “Oh well...” he said, “I'm worried about Maxie. He hasn't arrived yet...”

“From?”

“He went to a concert,” explained the Aqua Boss, “some tribute to an old guitarist who died or something like that... I was gonna go with him, but I was feeling sorta sick on my tummy... he ended up going with Tabitha...” For a few seconds, he remained in silence. “But he should have arrived by now.... and he doesn't answer his phone... I'm just so worried...”

“Hm” groaned Cyrus, unsure of what to say. The other man continued.

“That's why I took Ayumu, by the way! I thought since he's a psychic type, maybe he could help me calm down... I mean, I know several psychic types are capable of soothing people's nerves with their hypnotic abilities and so on...”

Cyrus squinted his eyes.

“Ayumu is a Munna, and Munnas are dream eaters... They are not interested in your mind unless you are sleeping,” he explained.

Archie chuckled, “oh well, Munnas do like a good sleepy noodle, that's true! But that doesn't mean they can't do other stuff! I've seen videos of Munnas that learned to eat away troubling thoughts from people's brains while they were awake!”

“Well,” replied the Galactic Boss, while gently placing his hand on Ayumu's head, “other Munnas may be able to calm people down while they are awake, but not Ayumu. He has been trained to eat my nightmares specifically, and nothing else.”

The other man seemed surprised. “Oh!” he exclaimed, “so you taught him which dreams he should eat? That's really neat!”

“No I didn't...” said Cyrus, “he was already trained when I received him... My psychologist has given him to me...” he made a brief pause, “I need him to be able to sleep properly...”

“Oooh” answered Archie, “so he's a service Pokémon! I didn't know that! Why didn't you tell anyone?”

Cyrus shrugged. “No one ever asked.”

“Heh!” chuckled Archie again, crossing his legs, “well, you know, boyo, people sometimes tell their friends things that they didn't ask about!”

“Yes, I've observed this phenomenon. It is very annoying” replied Cyrus.

“It's not annoying...” protested the other man, “that's how conversations go!”

“Precisely.” Cyrus frowned a little, “conversations are annoying. I very much prefer writing.”

The brown-haired man thought for a few seconds before replying.

“Well I've seen you giving huge speeches before... You can talk quite a lot for someone who doesn't like convos,” he said, then became silent once again. “You know, I think you're more fond of monologues... you can talk and talk without being interrupted and tell everyone what you think without other people disagreeing! That's why you like writing! 'Cause there's no one there to reply to you!” he concluded.

Cyrus widened his eyes.

“I...!” he said, but then huffed and looked away.

“What?”

“Nothing...” replied the blue-haired man, “I was about to protest, but I suppose you're right.”

Archie giggled.

“Well, I like conversations, you know? It's nice listening to people.”

“I could not disagree more,” answered Cyrus.

“Well, we're talking right now, is it that bad?”

Cyrus hesitated before replying. As much as he wanted to say “yes”, the fact is that it wasn't really that bad after all.

“It's not particularly annoying, but it is a waste of my time and yours,” he said, “which reminds me of the fact that It's past three and a half and I should be in bed right now.” he made a brief pause. “I'm going back to sleep. You should too.”

“Nah... I can't sleep...” answered Archie, once again becoming sad, “not without Maxie. You need your Munna to sleep and I need my husband.”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow.

“Didn't know Maxie was a dream eater...” he said, and Archie immediately looked up at him.

“Ha! I knew you had a good sense of humor deep inside, Cyrus!”

“That was not humor,” replied the other man, glancing away for a second.

“No?” asked Archie, frowning confused, “what was it then?”

Cyrus looked down, silent. He thought for almost a whole minute.

“Sophism,” he finally said and, upon realizing his housemate didn't seem to be familiar with the word, he developed, “a conclusion that seems to be correct according to the information given, but that is resultant from a false correlation between its elements and, therefore, is incorrect.”

Archie didn't seem to understand the whole explanation, but nodded anyway.

“OK... So, why did you use this sophism thingy right now?”

Once again, Cyrus was caught off guard. He stared at Archie for a short moment.

“I... don't know...” he confessed, “I just see people employing sophism in conversations all the time, so I guess I just... copied the behavior?” he started walking in small circles while he explained, “in fact, you had just used sophism yourself, when you compared my situation with Ayumu to your situation regarding Maxie... You created a false correlation, all I did was add the resultant incorrect conclusion. I mean, if I understood correctly, the reason why you cannot sleep without Maxie is because you're worried... this is a variable that is acting upon you right now, not a constant state. That, however, doesn't apply to me. I cannot sleep without Ayumu at any moment, regardless of what I am experiencing on that moment. Therefore, while your dependency on Maxie is situational, my dependency of Ayumu is invariable. It's not the same relation... Meaning your correlation was incorrect, despite the fact it seemed rational,” he concluded, then opened his arms, looking at Archie, and said “Sophism.”

Archie scratched his chin.

“Hm... you do know I was just joking, right, boyo?” he asked, and Cyrus blushed a little.

“So you mean to tell me that average people consider arriving at incorrect conclusions funny?” he asked, confused.

“Well, yeah,” replied the other man, “for example: peas are green... and melons are also green! Peas are round... and melons too! Peas come from plants and so do melons... that means melons are just very large peas!” he explained, then laughed a little and stared at Cyrus with a big smile on his face, but his housemate didn't show any reaction.

“Come on, it was funny,” added Archie.

“I'm not good with jokes...” explained the Galactic Boss, looking down.

“Meh... That's fine...” answered the Aqua Boss, “It was a pretty lame joke actually...”

There was a moment of silence. Archie kept staring at the window, fidgeting with his hands, while Cyrus remained still, not sure if it would be socially acceptable to just leave at that point.

The Aqua Boss sighed.

“Well...” said Cyrus. “Since Ayumu is unable to help you soothe your anxiety right now, I'm going to take him back with me...”

“Oh, yeah, sure!” said Archie, as if coming back to reality from a deep trance, “sorry again about taking him, I didn't know he was a therapy friend...” he thought for a few seconds, “you... you said he eats your bad dreams right? I hope you didn't have any sort of nightmare or anything because I took him...”

Cyrus looked away, slightly uncomfortable with that topic.

“Uhm. Yeah, to tell you the truth I did.”

“Oof... Sorry...” said Archie, “I really didn't want to cause that much trouble. Hope it wasn't a really bad nightmare.”

“It is always bad. That's part of the definition of a nightmare.” said the Galactic Boss, running out of patience.

“You wanna talk about it?” asked Archie.

Cyrus glanced at him.

“The only person who ever asked me that before was my therapist.”

“Well, I'm not a therapist, but I don't know... Talking can help sometimes!” answered the other man.

“There isn't much to talk about.” said Cyrus, “It was just a collection of vivid flashbacks from my most traumatic experiences, like always...”

“That... sounds like a lot to talk about actually, boyo.”

“Well, if I were to describe it and explain the whole thing, it would certainly take a while. But there is no point in talking about it. And I honestly would prefer not to...” he said, then made a short pause before continuing, “I've had a good share of discomfort by revisiting them in dreams already, I don't wanna repeat that by revisiting it via descriptions now.”

“I understand... You don't have to tell me if it makes you feel bad, Cy.” said Archie, in a way that reminded Cyrus of his therapist again. “I just wanted you to know that you can always talk to me if you feel like you need to open up to someone, alright?”

“Uhm... OK.” answered the other man, nodding and looking down. He didn't have lots of experience with that kind of talk. It sounded like something he should have heard from his parents when he was a child, but never did. No one had ever told him this kind of thing before. He didn't really know why, but that was comforting, and he started to feel like talking more. “Since you said this...” he added, timidly, “I suppose I'm going to share something else. I had a brief anxiety attack after waking up just now.”

“Oof...” said Archie, “I've never had one of those, but I know they are pretty awful.”

“Yes. But I was able to contain it,” added Cyrus, almost proudly, “my therapist has taught me some techniques to calm down.”

“That's great!” said Archie, “Proud of you, boyo! It's probably difficult to stop that from happening. Guess that's progress, eh?”

“I... guess...” said Cyrus. “Thanks.”

Archie looked down.

“I'm feeling sorta bad, though... You had that anxiety thingy because of me, right? Because I took Ayumu?”

“Yes, I guess that's not incorrect,” said Cyrus, “It was a consequence of my nightmare, which only occurred due to Ayumu's absence, so yes, it was an indirect consequence of your actions.”

“Darn...” replied Archie. “I'm sorry, Cy. I'm never gonna take Ayumu again! Promise!”

“That's good” said the blue-haired man.

“I wanted to soothe my anxiety and ended up making yours worse... Bad, Archie! Bad!” He said, then sighed again and looked at the window. He was still thinking about Maxie.

“If you have anxiety, then you should go see a psychologist too, you know?” said Cyrus.

“Oh, no, no, sorry!” explained the Aqua Boss, “I don't have anxiety, like... the disorder. I was talking about this feeling of uneasiness, you know? It's just something I'm feeling right now.”

“Oh” answered Cyrus, then scratched his head, “and... do you want to talk about it?” he asked, trying to be polite.

“Yeah, if you don't mind it...” said the other one, “I mean, I told you before, I'm worried about Maxie... You see, he is the most important person in my life! So, well... I know he must be OK, but I can't help thinking that something bad might have happened, you know? What if they had an accident? Or maybe they were mugged! Or maybe...” he put his hand over his mouth and shook his head, “Anything could have happened... And when I think about that... I think about how bad it would be If I ever lost him... I just...” he swallowed hard, “I don't know what I would do without him... I can't even think about it...”

“Hm...” said Cyrus, “Why do you think something bad happened to him, though?”

“Because it's almost four and he hasn't shown up! Or messaged me!” said Archie.

“What time should he have arrived?”

“He said 'something between two and three in the morning'...” he replied, then crossed his arms, “I mean, it hasn't been that long, he is not that late... but it's Maxie, he would have either messaged me or called if he knew he would be late...” Saying that, Archie puffed and fidgeted, clearly very nervous. He continued, “I'm just so worried... I mean, I love Maxie, but he's not an excellent driver... What if he crashed? Darn! I just hope he didn't crash the car... I hope he didn't... I hope he is not hurt!”

“uh...” began to say Cyrus, but soon noticed Archie wasn't done speaking yet.

“I should have gone with him!” continued the other man, “I shouldn't have stayed home just because of a sore tummy... I'm not even sick anymore! I could have gone with him... I should have! If I had gone with him, I could have avoided this...”

“This what?” asked Cyrus.

“This... This situation!” answered Archie.

“But you don't know what the situation is, therefore you don't know if you could have avoided it...” replied the Galactic Boss.

“Uh... Yeah...” said Arche, “I guess, but... What I meant is, if I were with him, if anything went wrong, I could at least try to protect him...”

“I don't believe being with him would have changed the outcome of the situation. Consider he had a car accident. You don't drive, so he would have been the one driving either way. Chances are, he would have had the accident anyway. Or if he got mugged... If a person was willing to mug him and Tabitha, the same person might as well have mugged him if he were with you. And resisting it would be worse, so it would have been the same.” explained Cyrus.

“Well... Yeah...” replied the Aqua Boss, “But I don't know, I would at least be with him... At least I would know what's going on...”

“Yes, that makes sense,” the blue-haired man crossed his arms, thoughtful, “your uneasiness right now results from the fact that you don't know what is going on with your husband... However, if you do not know what happened, that means trying to solve the problem now will be pointless.”

“Well, I'm not trying to solve it... I'm just... I'm just worried...”

“What for, though? I mean, very well, it will be very bad if something negative has happened to Maxie. However, you have no evidence of that whatsoever” said Cyrus, “while Maxie could have had a car accident or gotten hurt in any other way, he also could have gotten lost in a place with no phone signal, or the concert could have lasted much longer than it should have and it's still going on... or he could have stopped to eat something in a cheap restaurant and Tabitha got stuck in the toilet stall and they are trying to open the door, and that is occupying him so much that he forgot to call you. There is a nearly uncountable number of possibilities of things that could have happened, and you do not know which one has actually happened... Therefore, keeping your mind busy with trying to figure out something that, for all practical purposes, is impossible to find out right now... That is pointless.”

“Whoa...” said Archie, “Hold your Mudsdales, boyo... I think I got lost somewhere in your explanation.”

“I'm going to try to explain again, then,” said the other man, “my therapist told me to examine my thoughts regarding anxiety, panic and fear. One of the things I was taught is to analyze whether or not there is empirical evidence that can confirm the thoughts I am having. That is, is there anything I can actually observe that indicates something is wrong right now, or is everything coming from my own mind?”

“Well... Maxie is late... that is real, it's a fact” said Archie.

“It is. However, the only objective conclusion we can take from this I that, most probably, something unexpected happened to Maxie tonight. Still, we don't have how to verify whether or not this unexpected event has harmed Maxie in any way or not...”

“Hm.. Yeah, I mean... I don't know if he's hurt or not...”

“Exactly. You don't even know if he had a real problem or not,” said Cyrus, “and yet you already deduced you should have gone with him to avoid a hypothetical problem that may not even be real, and if real could not even be avoidable to begin with.”

Archie sighed, then smiled a little.

“Yeah... Maybe he's just fine... but what if he isn't?”

“Is there anything you can do if he isn't?” asked Cyrus, “Is there any way you might know if he isn't?”

“No...” said Archie, “and that... is scary...”

Cyrus opened his mouth a little, but said nothing. He looked down.

“I get that” he said, after a few seconds, “fear is... pretty much irrational. And sometimes the things our mind comes up with are really terrifying...”

Archie nodded.

“But we need to try to fight back rationally,” continued the other man, “because, well... if you just listen to all the horrible things your mind can make up, you will end up paralyzed with fear. The fact is that the possibilities are endless when you start to think about what could have been, or what could be... Sometimes I look around and I ask myself 'what if none of this is real and one day I just wake up in the Distortion World'... And that's very... well,” he looked away once again, ashamed, “scary...” he said. “But I can't live every day of my life in fear that at any moment I'll wake up in another reality. I have to be down to earth and rational and base my thoughts on what I can actually observe... On what is materially, objectively and undoubtedly real...”

“I didn't know you felt that way, boyo...” said Archie, “Don't worry, though. I'm here and I can guarantee to you that this house is real, no Distortion World here!”

“Hm... Thanks for this addition,” said Cyrus, “still, let's get back to your problem. The reason I said all this is because you have to be rational now and try to contain your anxiety. If there is no evidence that Maxie is hurt right now, and there is nothing you can do to verify that or to change that, so avoid thinking about that. It is better to hope for the best instead...”

“Heh...” chuckled Archie, “You're right, boyo... Not that it isn't difficult not to wonder what could have happened...”

“The fact is that so far, his absence can be explained by many different things. If he had been absent for, let's say... two days, or something... That would have narrowed the possible explanations. The longer he has been away, the less explanations you can think of, so you have more reasons to believe something bad has actually happened. But so far, it's still not that much time, as you said earlier...”

“True”, said the Aqua Boss, “maybe I should at least wait a bit longer...”

“I think that sounds reasonable.”

“Yeah...”

Once again, there was a brief moment of silence.

“Thanks for talking to me about this, Cy!” said Archie, smiling, “it really helped me. I'm still worried... But I feel a bit calmer.”

“You're welcome,” said Cyrus, “I didn't expect to be able to help, honestly.”

“Well, I told you everyone has something to give!” Archie smiled.

“Usually what I have to give is knowledge in physics, though”, answered the Galactic boss, and suddenly the other man started laughing.

“I like your jokes, Cyrus...” he said, still giggling.

“It was not a joke” replied the other man.

“It was still funny.”

“Well, I'm going back to my room and try to sleep the rest of the night,” said Cyrus.

“Okie! Have a good rest, Cy... I'll be here waiting for Max...”

Cyrus turned around and headed to the staircase, Ayumu following him right after. As soon as he started going up the stairs, he heard the front door opening.

“Maxie!” he heard Archie say, and looked back at the living room. The Magma Boss had just entered the house and the two men were hugging.

“Oh, Archie... I'm so sorry! My phone ran out of battery and Tabitha forgot his phone charging again!” said Maxie, “I couldn't warn you I'd get home late...”

Cyrus started going upstairs again, but still could hear the couple's conversation.

“I was so worried, baby...” said Archie... “what happened?”

“Well, The show was great, but they gave so many encores that when we left, the subways had already stopped running... So I had to take Tabitha to his house, and it's on the other side of the city so...”

The Galactic Boss entered his room, followed by his Munna. It was exactly 4 a.m.

“Well. I've got three hours of sleep left, Ayumu,” he said, “Could have saved nearly an hour if I hadn't stayed so long with Archie... But that's OK.”

Ayumu gently floated down and laid on Cyrus' bed. The blue-haired man sat down by the Pokémon's side, patted it on the back and then laid down on his bed next to it. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep again. Ayumu snuggled up against his trainer and, within less than a minute, a thick magenta stream of mist started exhaling from the pink circle between his eyes.

—— (Scene by GabiWaffle)

[parischangedher]

fall into me, my love.

Summary: I rewrote the end of Housekeeping! In my world, Ray never calls, Ziva answers his question, they go to the bar and decide to stop wasting so much time. Closing one chapter and preparing to start anew.

AO3

Word Count: ~2.8K

Prompt: This is based on a post by the lovely @saraluvstiva! It’s a tad different from what you suggested (a little heavier than a casual convo), but it mostly aligns I think. Hope you enjoy!

@saraluvstiva imagined a scenario in which Ray never called, they went to the bar, reminisced about their growth and their relationship--“a sweet little time...both closing their previous chapters (or considering it) and looking to [possibly] the future chapter with each other.”

Hope was a dangerous thing.

There was a reason he never let himself think about her like that. Not seriously, anyway. And not in a very, very, very long time.

“I’m not talking about movies, Tony. I’m talking about you. She cares.”

He had reverted back to the standard old lines, then, and scoffed about how they were partners and teammates who had each other’s backs. Those lines were good. They protected him and their relationship. He told himself for years that anything else between them would be unthinkable. Inappropriate. Comical, even.

Yeah, right.

Her words, simple yet bold, took hold in his mind and wouldn’t let up.

They hit him when he was woefully unequipped to fend them off as he usually did. There was a crack in his armor, in the wall he built around himself to protect the both of them. It had been breaking slowly, really, ever since they brought her back from the dead in Somalia. It almost shattered completely after he was shot a few months ago and faced the prospect of dying without ever telling her. He was more fragile than ever these days, too, since falling out with EJ and painfully watching his partner hurt over another, undeserving man.

And so, when he heard EJ talk about her like that, the possibility of more seeped through the cracks and into his heart. It coaxed his feelings to the surface, fully awakening what he had known yet staunchly denied for years.

He loved her.

Admitting it to himself was one of the hardest things he had ever done. Give him a burning building, a terrorist, a raging gunman, or a bomb on a timer—fine—he could handle that. That was easy—relatively. But love? The old Anthony DiNozzo didn’t do love.

There was just something about her—the complex dichotomies of softness and strength, of love and hurt, of anger and loyalty—that fascinated him, pulling him to her like gravity. She was an enigma that only he seemed to truly understand; and damnit, he wanted to spend the rest of his life unlocking the key to her soul. She made him better, too—pushing him to open up and grow up, never taking his crap, molding him slowly into half the man she actually deserved.

Despite how hard she tried to hide it, he knew she had strong feelings for him too. He could see it in the way she looked at him when she thought he wasn’t paying attention—adoringly and longingly, as if imagining a world in which they could actually be something. He felt it in the way she stole soft and lingering touches, standing closer than necessary on an almost daily basis; and he heard it when she talked to him—sometimes concernedly, sometimes flirtatiously, sometimes even annoyedly, but always with love.

Denying how he felt about her was making less and less sense to him by the minute these days. He was filled with regret for wasted time and, still, fear of damaging their bond. But most of all, he was filled with a deep-seated ache for her. For all of her. And for the first time, the latter was starting to win.

Hearing EJ’s words was the final nail in the coffin, if he was honest with himself. They were validation that it wasn’t all in his head. They gave him hope—and with it, a touch of recklessness, encouraging him to ignore the fear for once and play with the fire that is Ziva David. It had been about seven years, after all. If not now, then when?

“Agent David. Do you really consider me to be…in your life?”

His eyes glistened with a mix of hope, boldness, and vulnerability. He watched her carefully as she processed his verbal challenge, seeing how she’d react—if she’d push them closer to the edge or rein him in.

She tilted her head ever so slightly, taken aback by his question. Instinctually, she opened her mouth to disarm the situation, as they usually did whenever the other got too close to the truth.

The look of adoration in his eyes made her pause, though. Ray’s communication and commitment issues served as a strong contrast to the man in front of her, who listened to and supported her whether or not she asked.

She was tired of waiting seven weeks for a man who claimed to love her, when the one she could not live without was standing right in front of her. She was tired of being treated like an afterthought. She was tired of it all. She was so tired, in fact, that she decided to cut the double entendres and answer him honestly. He deserved that, at the very least.

“I do.”

His smile grew brighter, then, and she couldn’t help but return it. He reached out and softly grazed her arm. It was fleeting, another test. A small thrill ran through her as she wondered what had gotten into him, and she raised her eyebrows in silent question.

“Let’s go get that drink.”

---

“Admit it. You never liked her,” Tony teased as he downed the last of his beer and gestured for another. They sat in a corner booth in a dimly lit bar that neither frequented. On some level, she hoped he chose it exactly for that reason—to make sure they weren’t interrupted by someone they knew, or to mark the beginning of…something. Of them. Maybe.

“Who?” she asked playfully.

“EJ,” he replied, calling her bluff by the look on his face.

“Oh. Her.”

“Yeah, her. You didn’t exactly welcome her with open arms. Quite the opposite, actually.”

“Let’s just say that I am glad she is gone.”

“Why?”

She hesitated briefly, contemplating, before she responded.

“She is not good enough for you.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Maybe she was right after all.”

“Right about what?”

Tony smiled a bit nervously and took another sip of his drink as Ziva waited, watching him closely with that look. He could just tell her about the movie aspect of the conversation. It wouldn’t be a lie, really, and it would keep them safely within their bounds. But he was sick of the games, of the walls. Plus, he was a little bit tipsy.

He decided to go for it. Throw it out into the open. Play with the fire.

“When we were at the safe house, she said that you care. About me.”

"Wow, such an astute observation by a brilliant, brilliant woman,” she said, rolling her eyes. Tony chuckled at her brashness, reminiscent of how she was when they first met. But he said nothing, wanting to hear her real response.

“Of course I do, Tony,” she said eventually with a soft smile on her face. “You are my partner.”

“Right,” he said, deflated.

“And sometimes,” she continued breathily, finally feeling the effects of her third drink. “You are even my friend.”

“Wow,” he said, cracking a smile and accepting her amended answer—for now. “I’m honored.”

“You should be.”

He laughed, and she did too.

And, he was.

“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”

“We have indeed. It is a miracle, really, given how intimidated you were when we first met.”

“I was not!” he exclaimed, knowing full well that she was right. Not that he’d ever admit it. “If anyone was intimidated, it was you.”

“Tony,” she said amusedly. “I know you.”

“Yeah,” he said, looking deeply into her eyes. “I suppose you do.”

She shot him a genuine smile; a happy and peaceful look graced her features.

“Seriously though, Tony. I think we’ve both grown quite a bit.”

“We most certainly have,” he laughed. “Remember when you secretly tried Air Guitar?”

Her mouth dropped. “How did you know about that?!”

“When you uploaded it later that night, my computer saved a copy.”

“Oh, sure it did. Just like it autonomously saved those bikini photos, yes?”

“Exactly,” he replied, winking at her.

“You also posted your ass on that stupid website.”

“Yeah,” he admitted, cringing at the memory. “But, you rated it.”

“A 2.”

“A 5, if I remember correctly.”

“Only if you shaved.”

They laughed, enjoying their banter. She took another swing of her drink, reflecting on how far they’d come over the years—how close they’d gotten. When she had first arrived at NCIS, she thought he was a womanizing goofball, a hormonal teenager in an adult’s body—albeit, an attractive body. As the years went on, though, he snuck by her well-built defenses and managed to take up residence inside her heart. She still wasn’t quite sure how he did so, as no other man had been able to break into her life like that.

And now? After everything they had been through together, she was tired of pretending. She knew she loved him, and that he knew too. They basically admitted as much back in Africa—him to her face, and her to the journals she kept in her office. They’d been dancing around each other for years, backing away whenever someone got too close. Part of it was, of course, not wanting to jeopardize their partnership.

But truthfully, she knew that was bullshit.

She was scared. She was scared of losing him. Everyone she had ever loved up to this point died, sometimes even in her arms. He was the most important person in the world to her, and the thought of something happening to him because of her was almost too much to bear.

But then, something did happen to him. He almost died. And it had nothing to do with her.

She wasn’t even there to protect him.

That night had shaken her to the core; it forced her to question all the reasons she had been keeping him at arm’s length, never letting him in for more than a few blissful moments. She still tried to distance herself and make it work with Ray; but, she was reminded of her losing battle whenever she saw him looking at her like she was the only thing on Earth that mattered.

The fear of him dying without ever telling him the truth had finally eclipsed her fear of losing him.

She wanted to stop pretending, finally. She suspected he did too, based on their interactions today.

They just couldn't waste any more time.

“I have a question.”

“Shoot,” he answered. “Figuratively, of course.”

She giggled. Actually giggled. God, how he loved that sound.

“Of all the ones we have worked on together, what has been your favorite case?”

“Oh, tough one David,” he grinned.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “We, uh…we make a good team. There have been a lot of good ones.”

“True,” she said, smiling softly.

“If you force my hand, though, I’d have to say Paris. It is a magical place,” he said with a flirtatious lilt in his voice and a knowing smirk.

“I should have guessed,” she replied. “I loved…Paris, too.”

He raised his eyebrows at her comment; she returned the gesture.

“And you?”

She bit her lip, debating whether she should tell him the truth. This was her chance. She was still scared, but she was also a little drunk by now, and hell, she honestly wanted him to know.

She wanted him to know everything.

“Well,” she began with a small smile on her face. “I liked them all. Or, most of them, like you. We make even the toughest cases enjoyable, when we work together.”

He smiled, opening his mouth to respond before she cut him off.

“But, to be perfectly honest with you,” she continued, boldly meeting his eyes. “My favorite was when we were under covers.”

"I think you mean undercover.”

She clucked her tongue playfully and softly touched his hand, drawing small circles and shaking her head. “No, I don’t think so.”

Tony’s eyes widened at her openly flirting with him as she smiled suggestively. He hadn’t seen this side of her, directed at him, in years. His mind was going a mile a minute trying to process it and what it meant for them. If it meant anything at all.

Taking one look at her eyes, though, he knew it meant something. It meant something big. Her eyes always spoke the truth—when it came to him, anyway.

She was pleased with herself. She managed to tell him while still giving him an out, if he wanted. She spoke their coded tongue.

Doing cartwheels in his head, he grinned back at her and boldly turned his hand over to take hold of hers, interlacing their fingers. He couldn’t even remember how long it had been since he wanted to do that.

He saw a flash of fear and surprise cross her eyes before being quickly replaced with something that could only be described as contentment.

“I wonder what it would be like if we did that again sometime. Went undercover, I mean,” he said, testing the waters with insinuations and metaphors just as she did. That was their language. If they were to even begin talking about the possibility of them, they both knew this was the easiest way to do it. At first, anyway.

She opened her mouth but said nothing at first, thinking of the best response. She felt the room’s temperature rise as he reciprocated her subtle advances and pushed her further.

She would not be outdone.

“I’d like that. We would be…good at it, too.”

He raised his eyebrows with a sly smile on his face.

“I don’t think your boyfriend would like that very much.”

“Ray? Oh, he is done. As soon as I talk to him, I am ending it.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

She looked at him more seriously now, with a hint of curiosity.

"He isn’t good enough for you.”

She smiled, touched by his admission.

This was it.

The dance was ending.

---

“You didn’t have to walk me home, Tony. I am fine.”

“I know you are,” he replied. “But, I’m a DiNozzo. We are gentlemen.”

She laughed, sarcastic comment on the tip of her tongue. She held it, though, not wanting to ruin the moment.

He pulled her a little closer, then. Her arm was tucked into his as they walked down the cold sidewalk, street glistening with the light of the stars and the snow flurries that started to fall.

“I had fun tonight.”

“Me too,” he said honestly.

As they approached her apartment, his heart raced faster. With EJ gone, Ray practically a done deal, their earlier conversations and the buzz in their systems, it seemed the perfect time to ask, if he was ever going to do so.

Would it ruin everything?

Or…would it be everything?

What the hell. He loved her.

He wiped his clammy hands on his coat and took the shot.

“I would, uh, like to do it again sometime. If you want. For…for real.”

She stopped walking and turned to face him, a silent question in her eyes.

His own tried desperately to answer.

Yes.

“After you break up with him.”

Understanding flashed across her face, to be quickly replaced with a dash of fear. He could see her wheels turning.

He could feel his own fear rising as he watched her. She saw it, though, and immediately softened her gaze, comforting him.

Placing a hand on his chest, she felt his heart race.

She smiled softly, making her choice. It was time to stop the game.

“I’d like that too.”

“Well then,” he said, letting out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “It’s a date.”

She leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek, her other hand moving to his neck. His heart beat even faster as her touch lingered on his skin, leaving its mark. Claiming him.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

She held his gaze for a moment, delicately caressing his face before starting the ascent to her door.

“Ziva,” he said loudly.

She turned around to face him, at the top of the stairs now.

“Yes?”

“I’m happy you’re in my life, too.”

She nodded, smiling as she recalled their earlier conversation. It felt like a lifetime ago.

“Good night, Tony. Text me when you get home.”

“I will. Good night.”

She lingered a few moments more, staring into him before stepping inside.

In all of the years they spent working together, that was the first time she asked that of him. It wasn’t at all necessary—they both knew it—but it was loving. Another metaphor.

He could get used to this.

[wavbleu]

Rodrick heffley: Keep quiet

tw: possession and degrading

~~~~~~~~~

"I cant believe she would do that to you!" you say with a short giggle, you look at Rodricks adorable face and my smile grew bigger knowing that the only time hes genuinely happy and laughing is around you. "I was so totally shocked when she bit me, my dick hurt for like the following week." He stroked his fingers through his semi-short hair and continued on his painful story on how he lost his virginity.

You and Rodrick have been talking for 2 and a half months now, you and him have an extreme connection despite the fact that you are totally opposite. You like to wear softer colored clothes and get good grades in school, and Rodrick well... doesn't. He doesn't give a shit what people think or say about him and just goes the way he wants to, Thats what you've always adored him, you were jealous of that.

Sometimes  you question how your friends with a guy as corrupted as him.

But when ever you converse the words just spill out of you, it actually feels like hes engaged and actually willing to hear more and learn about you. You've never experienced anything like that before. Speaking that most of your exes just used you for sex.

Whenever your around Rodrick, you feel like yourself. What ever you are scared to be in front of everyone else you show it to him and he strangely accepts it. Obviously, you would even consider him your best friend or 'pal' But lately ... the way he touches you isnt very 'pal-like' . Although it may seem like something small, he would massage your knee and work his way down your smooth thigh, stopping right before he reaches your inner thigh; slowly massaging that area and leaves you wanting more of him.

It could be when your hugging and he lowers his hands from your waist to your hips.. Stuff like that may not seem large but it speaks louder and clear that theres sexual tension in the air.

Rodrick finished up his tragic v card story and you both giggled, Rodrick then abruptly stopped laughing and his once loud laugh turned into a snarky smile. "What's with the smirk." you say smiling nervously not knowing what he will do.

"Are you a virgin?" He says, "Nah." You respond back to him. "Ive only had sex with 2 people though."

Yea you weren't a virgin (at all) but man when you had sex it was just beyond awful, terrible. Butterflies grew in your stomach as you watched him bite his cheek in amazement.

"Wow, Little miss Y/N getting freaky in the sheets." he teased, you droopily looked down at your swinging feet hanging off your bed and sighed before admitting, "Well it wasn't exactly good.. if fact it was absolutely dreadful." , "Well i wanna hear this to see if its just as bad as mines."

You adjusted yourself to lean against the white headboard, looking at Rodrick who was seated at the end of the bed. You wrapped your arms around your pillow and started reminiscing on how you lost your virginity at the ripe old age of 17.

"Well it was a party that was at some random guys house.. gee I dont even remember his name... I think it was like tony or something like that.","We were in this small group with other people in our grade, we were bored so we decided to play 7 minutes in heaven.." , "and it was my turn to spin the bottle, sadly."...

flashback

~~~~~

(skip if you dont like the extra length.)

You anxiously spun the bottle, hoping that it would stop on your crush, Luke Hannington.  The bottle spun and everyone watched in awe.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach as the bottle started to decelerate and fixate on a person.. tense but hopeful , you look up at the person the bottle focused on.

Luke.

You tried to hold back your sheer excitement and joyfulness, but it quickly came to a halt after seeing your crushes nonchalant, monotone, bored face. 'He was probably hoping for someone hotter' you think yourself pathetically.

Everyone sneakily snickered and whispered in each others ears after seeing his disappointed face and disgusted eyes.

You felt like bursting into tears after feeling the way you did. You felt hideous.

"So ill set the timer, the closet is on your left sweetie."  The host said, obviously trying to hold back her sneaky remarks until you get in the closet.

He quickly gets up and speed walks to the closet, you followed, fondling your fingers and biting the skin off your lip.

You got to the closet, atleast he was sweet enough to hold the door open for you.

You sat down on the carpeted floor, hassling all the jackets and coats off of you. Luke frantically searched for the light so we can actually see in this closet and took a seat after.

He closed the door and minutes later you heard it lock from the otherside, "Begin, lovebirds!"

The only thing that began was the pure awkwardness and his uncomfortable glances. "So um.." You tried to start a convo but failed at it miserably, nothing you were doing was working, he would always give this stupid uncomfy look or mess with his collar. You were milliseconds away from kicking the door down and leaving this stupid party.

"Im sorry." he said noticing your frustration, "I dont think your ugly or anything.", "Ive had sex before, but not with strangers."

Stranger. Neat.

Tension arosed in the closet after he asked out of no where, "Have you ever been fingered before?" ,"I think im a pro if i say so myself."

You nodded your head no, "Im a virgin..","Ive always wanted to though.." You tried to say seductively hoping to make him hard.  "Open your legs." He sternly demanded, you obeyed and did just that.

He pulled off your cotton panties and felt you up and down, then awkwardly slid a finger in. You gasp surprised, hoping he would've given more foreplay. "Um.." You moan as he fingered you in an accelerating pace , rubbing your left lip thinking it was your clit.

You felt second hand embarrassment for him, Luke Hannington doesn't know where the clitoris is?

You were drying out and getting turned off by his loud grunts and heavy breathing, actually thinking he was doing something. "Somebody lied to this man.." You said in your head. "No way do i actually have to fake an orgasm for this psychopath to stop."

You prepped yourself and tried replicate the girls off of pornhub, "Oh yes!" you moaned as you shook your legs frantically, a smile grew upon his face as he went faster. "Im gonna-" You dramatically puff your chest up faking an intense orgasm.

He stopped and swiped the sweat off of his forehead, "Good right?" , "Great, i bet you i wont  even be able walk straight!" You moan, you cheesily snapped your fingers and giving him finger guns to throw him off your awful acting.  The timers alarm rung, "Finally." You thought to yourself.

You stood up and walked out of the closet just fine.

You got back to the group who were snickering and giggling like a bunch of pre-schoolers.

~~~~

end of flashback

"Bad but not as bad as mines." He chuckled competitively, "Whatever." You threw a pillow at him. "Ive been cursed with the spell "awful sex." ever since that night." You dramatically say, "Is that so?" , "No guy has been capable of making you cum.. making you scream?" His voice lowered, looking into your eyes with a hot confused look.

"Yea pretty much." You sneakily adjust your skirt so he can see your soft thighs and a sliver of your panties. The room went silent as he looked you up and down, examining your body and its crevices , he licked his lips struggling to control the urge to squish and carress your thighs. He quickly looked down hoping you didnt notice how long he was staring at your body, so hungrily.

"Hey um.. y/n" He said scooting closer to you.

Your breath became heavy and palms began to sweat as you watched him scoot in closer.

"Have you been feeling it too?" his soft deep voice lowering into a erotic whispering tone. "F-feeling what?" You stumble trying to think straight, his eyes were fixated on your lips, he wanted them badly.

"You know.." "The tension?" He slowly rubs your thigh with his huge hands, maneuvering them up your skirt but stopping right before he hit, you know what. You hated that. You nod slowly to his question.

"You told me you never came before?" He questioned, "No.. never." You responded back. He put a stray hair behind your ear, then smoothly rubbed his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Can i be your first?"

You nod needily.

Biting your lip before going in for a deep passionate kiss. He wrapped his hand around your waist , scooting you up onto his lap. His hands adventured up your skirt again , grabbing your ass and slapping it. You gasp at the loud sound it made.

"My parents are home Rodrick!" You whisper yelled pulling away from the kiss.

Rodrick continued kissing your neck and ear, gripping your firm ass cheek, not giving a fuck about what anyone says. Like usual.

"Baby i truly don't give a shit, just keep it down." He sternly said.

"Mmm ok.." You moan and roll your head back as he made out with that sweet spot on your neck.

He roughly pinned you down and kissed you more this time exchanging tongue. He pulled away from the compelling kiss leaving a small train of spit

He pulled your panties off smoothly and stared at the sight to see. "Have you ever been fingered before?" He jokingly teased giving a little lightheart to this hot and spicy situation.

He trailed his hands up and down your wet pussy, looking for that spot.

When he finally got his hands on it you let out a small gaspy squeal, "Its right here?" You nod, breath getting faster.

"Yes daddy right there please~" You cry out, "Daddy?" He smirks, He slowly rubs his fingers around your clit. "Im your daddy now?" Rodrick bites his lip, "Then i guess your my little slut then."

"Are you my little slut?"  He asks you, he picks up his pace sending a small tingle down your spine, he giggled mischievously knowing that its gonna be hard for you to respond. You try to catch your breath but moans and shrieks keep cutting your words off.

"Are you my little.. slut?" He slipped in two fingers and fucked your tight hole and worked your g-spot, so much to a point where you had to grasp one of your plushies to keep from screaming. "Alright I guess ill have to make you say yes."

Your eyes roll back as you felt his mouth attach to your clit, swirling his tongue all around your sensitive clit. For the first time you actually wanted to cum..

"I think im gonna-" You bite into a pillow to cover the loud noise you were gonna let out.

Right before you were about to have an intense orgasm, he stopped. Edging you and all your senses. You whined like a little bitch.

"Shut the fuck up." He said unbuckling his pants, "Your gonna take this dick and your gonna like it, alright? alright." He said stroking his rock hard twitching dick before aggressively sliding in.

"My parents- ah-" , " I swear if you mention your parents one more time im gonna throat fuck you."  He said in a pissed off tone.

He threw your legs over his shoulders and slid a pillow under you.  Rodrick continued to fuck up into you, hitting that one spot again, and again, and again; and just to torture you, he rubbed your clit you were experiencing bliss, euphoria.

Rodrick swiftly took your legs off his shoulder and spread them wide open so he could get a deeper fuck, "stupid slut your legs are trembling." , "You really like me fucking you hard, hitting that spot just perfectly even when your parents are just sitting in their room ; feet away? " ,"Now when i ask this again, i want a response."

"are you my little slut?" He whispered into your ears, you moaned loudly and threw your head back, "Yes!", "Yes daddy, im your slut." ," I want your parents to fucking hear." He looked you deep in the eyes waiting for your response.

"Yes daddy im your slut.." You moaned loudly.

He grasped on your waist and pounded deep into you, the claps of your skin, the loud moans, at that point you forgot you even HAD parents.

He kept fucking into your tight cunt relentlessly, hitting every single spot perfectly. Humanly impossible.

"Cum whore i know you wanna." Rodrick says, you open your mouth but no moans come out.. that was it . You were actually gonna cum... Your legs began to shake and tumble ,  it felt like a large sneeze but in your stomach. "Im gonna-" You could barely get out.

You released yourself onto his cock, "Fucking hell." He said as he couldn't bare to last any longer. He pulled out of you and came onto your tired cunt.

"Damn baby." He groaned putting his softening dick away. "was it good?" He hopefully said, "It was amazing." You responded back excitedly.

That stupid curse is gone, yay!

Everything was good until you heard loud footsteps seconds away from your door.

~~~~~~~

Authors note:

This is a pretty long story but i actually enjoyed writing these ones, rodrick was my first story on this book (and my most popular) so you know i had to do the mf again🙄 pegging and femboy kink coming soon⚠️

[writingsfortwoset]

two am twoset convos; - a breddy (friend)ship fic

it’s past two o’clock already in singapore. two violinists at the age of twenty-nine and thirty were snuggled under a comforter on a large, single king-sized bed in their condominium bedroom. there was only one lamp on, their eyes stinging every few minutes because of the light radiating from both of their phones. the taller one was laying on his right side and was facing the shorter one, who was laying on his back.

eddy was scrolling through his instagram feed, checking up on his mates after a long day of filming and planning with brett. their channel was continuously growing after eight years of long hard work, and after playing a piece from tchaikovsky, sibelius, brahms, bach, and mendelssohn to celebrate their subscribers count milestones, they were now preparing for the seven million mark.

how time flies.

he was skimming through posts when something mostly black and white caught his eye, and he focused on it. a gasp was emitted from him as shock and amusement turned his eyes from being droopy to widened.

“what is it?” brett turned to look with inquiring eyes at his bestfriend, whose mouth was agape and was slowly turning into a grin.

“ray, freakin’, chen,” the light emitted from eddy’s phone screen is now turned to brett’s face, “is now married! damn, how’d he hide that from us?”

“what? seriously?” brett single-handedly cupped eddy’s hand to stabilize the phone, and lo-and-behold. the violinist groom was smiling at his beautiful wife as the people in the background threw petals toward their way.

brett beamed out of amusement. “wow, i didn’t even know he had a fiance! i thought we would all grow old together as single, greasy violinists playing smash bros for life,” he chuckled. eddy responded with a ‘yeah,’ retreated his phone from brett and started typing a congratulatory message to ray.

a bunch of breaths were inhaled and exhaled amidst the silence. their minds were both working on what to text ray, thumbs pausing every now and then. brett was still composing his own message when...

“brett, do you think we’ll still see each other when we’re married?”

a pause. “duh? you said it already, when we’re married. so we’ll be in the same house, you idiot,” brett decided to joke, still alternating between typing and backspacing on his phone.

eddy chuckled lightly. “no, seriously though...”

it’s at this that brett’s typing halted. he turned his head towards eddy, who now had his phone down, and whose eyes were unreadable and focused on him. brett thought that his tone was too soft to be ignored, too vulnerable. maybe it’s because it’s two in the morning and the tiredness is kicking in, thus eddy’s voice seemed a bit sad.

“of course, bro,” brett offered a small smile while setting his phone down on his chest. “we’ve been inseparable ever since we met. when we do separate, it’s not like we don’t do video calls,” he chuckled as he remembered the video messages they’ve sent back and forth during the few years before twoset. that was their way of updating each other. “and it’s been, what, 16 years now...? no marriage can stop us from hanging out every now and then, right? plus, i bet you’d be the favorite uncle of my future kids, hey.”

eddy lightly snorted at this, “well, duh. that’s eddy chen for you, world’s best uncle, lah!” he imitates an asian mother’s accent at this.

brett took this as a cue that everything was fine, and went back to his phone, oblivious of eddy’s lingering stare. eddy wasn’t the type to be dramatic and full of feelings, but... brett is the other half of his soul. the best-est human being in his life. it was always different with him -- vibrant, happy, safe.

home.

he bites back the urge to sigh deeply as he takes in the sight of his best friend, albeit a little blurry because his glasses were taken off. brett’s at the marrying age now (at least, for most of their friends) and though quite difficult, the shorter violinist has been going on undercover dates with a lady named vivian, in spite of their busy schedules. eddy just knows she might be the one for his best friend, judging from how he talks about her as if he still had that big crush on vivian 6 years later.

he bites back the urge to get envious of the time he spends with her, the latter sometimes being the reason why they have to adjust the filming schedules (’maybe i just need my own girlfriend, ugh’).

he bites back the urge to ask about the channel. they’ve been filming a lot for the past eight years, and had three world-tours already. after the marriage of one, what then? will they contin--

eddy stops himself. let’s just focus on the seven million mark now, shall we?

“i’ll always be here for you brett, you know that, right?”

brett can’t help smiling at the cheesiness. “you always were, so i guess you always will be,” he snickered. he set his phone under his pillow, and then lied down on his left side to face eddy.  his left hand was tucked beneath his head. “you sound so sad bro, what’s up?”

eddy shrugged and averted his gaze. his next words were more of an evasive lie, but still kind of true, so...

“nothing, i’m just tired. first time for a nocturnal like me.”

brett recognized eddy’s (kind of a) liar voice, of course. after almost two decades of being soulmates, bestfriends, brothers, co-creators, and basically the best partners in crime, how would he not know? he had an idea of what eddy was thinking. after all, the latter wasn’t quite an expert at hiding the sad puppy eyes he does sometimes when brett says his goodbyes before leaving for a date.

nevertheless, he chose to keep quiet about it, and just arched his eyebrows at his bestfriend. it was followed by his smile and gaze which emitted nothing short of endearment. brett’s face was illuminated by the warm, orange light from the lamp on eddy’s bedside table, creating small yellow gleams in each of his eyes.

eddy always felt loved by those eyes.

“you do know that i’ll always do the same for you, right?” brett asked softly. “always, even when i get married. until you grow bald,” he added, chuckling.

eddy smiles warmly at his best friend’s words amidst their locked gazes. “you’re the one who’s growing bald,” he rolled his eyes. “but yeah, the greasiest best friends.”

i’m just certain that i’m going to miss you so bad, bro.

[hopevalley]

@kvanbooven said:  I wholeheartedly agree with the Rosemary line and thought it was weird when I watched it live. Idk if they were going for it to be a normal response and think people would think it was normal or if they were going for a bad response just so they could start a fight, but like Rosemary as Elizabeth’s best friend, would never say that to her. That makes her look so bad and not caring. I maybe could understand it if it was true what she said (like the rest of the convo of it not being Nathan’s fault) but it wasn’t true. Even if it was supposed to be a bad thing to saying on purpose in makes Rosemary and Nathan look like they don’t care about what Jack meant to her idk. 

You know I always look forward to your thoughts!! Thanks for stopping by again. ♥

I think they wanted Rosemary’s reply to Elizabeth to be a “bad” response for the purpose of it causing drama/turmoil, but the thing about bad responses is...it still has to feel like a natural response someone might have to the conversation that’s taking place, and unfortunately Rosemary’s reply didn’t feel like that, at least not for me. 

I can only guess, but I imagine what they wanted to do was give us an episode where Elizabeth is struggling so hard with everything she’s feeling that she doesn’t really know how to talk about it. If this was a novel it would be easy to write out all those feelings to make her reaction to people feel more natural, but I think the writers are really struggling with how to convey this exact type of struggle in a way that both makes sense for the audience and works for the characters.

I talked before about Elizabeth being a sort of selfish “everything’s about me” kind of person and she does that several times within this episode, so I feel Elizabeth is largely in character here. She turns Rosemary’s conversation about Ned and Florence into a discussion about her, for example.

The problem is Rosemary, and it’s not the character. She can be a bit stupid sometimes (she used to jump to conclusions a lot back in the old days, though mostly for humorous reasons) but her logic always tracked. In this episode we have two responses from Rosemary that don’t feel quite right. The first is her “maybe he didn’t think it was important” and the second is “it’s not Nathan’s fault.”

I get what they were going for, though!

It’s not Nathan’s fault Jack died so Nathan didn’t feel the information was important enough to reveal. It would just be upsetting and offer little else.

The problem is...the fact that this information was clearly weighing on Nathan tells us all that he knew it would be a big deal (and therefore important) to Elizabeth.

Which makes it really hard to make the same logic-leap that Rosemary does. The only thing I can assume is that Rosemary has largely been left out of the Nathan side of things; she doesn’t really know him very well (as compared to Lucas) and is just giving it her best guess.

But still, Rosemary knew that Elizabeth felt he was keeping something from her, and if Elizabeth got those vibes from Nathan, then that should tell Rosemary that Nathan is aware it’s not ‘unimportant’ at all.

I’m just going to have to chalk it up to poor writing. There’s no other explanation that works for me.

---

@kvanbooven​ said: What you said about Nathan’s line too got me as well cuz I also felt the last line was out of place. It just don’t flow with the rest of the convo of him telling her why he kept the secret. When this scene was in the promo, I thought it was going to be a scene where Elizabeth was pulling away from him or she was past Lucas already and wasn’t sure if she wanted to be with Nathan or if she was telling him why she couldn’t be with him but could be with Lucas. Idk. Anything else that would have made more sense for that line to follow. I was also afraid of having Nathan coming to town to look after Jacks family, but because he never knew him, to me, it’s not that weird. I actually kinda like how he said I had to protect them rather than take care of them and that it was his duty. 

Yeah, I was expecting his final line about fighting for love to be put into a scene where his willingness to fight for it was called into question. Until this season he was the quieter, less openly emotional character, and I could see where he might feel he needs to be a little more earnest in expressing his intentions—kind of like what we got right out of the gate with his love confession.

I’m not bothered by Nathan’s situation in regards to Jack, either. Both because he didn’t know Jack (as you mentioned) but also because he was very well aware of how odd the situation ended up becoming. He didn’t come to Hope Valley expecting to fall in love with Elizabeth. He didn’t know anything about her when he arrived!

It would be creepy if he’d known Jack well beforehand, or if Jack asked him to look after Elizabeth, but him feeling that he had a hand in Jack’s death (that he was the indirect cause of it in this case) makes the choice...more understandable. All he knew was that Jack had a family, and that nobody would be returning to the post there. So he took it upon himself to do what he thought was the right thing to do: go to Hope Valley and make sure the people Jack cared about were safe and cared for.

I agree with Rosemary that it’s a noble act. It’s not selfless, but it’s noble. I think they handled that aspect of the story extremely well. I was afraid of it happening because I was afraid of how it would be presented, but...they surprised me!

---

@kvanbooven​ said: I will say in the handholding game I got major secondhand embarrassment and almost couldn’t fully watch the scene lol. Elizabeth’s look at rosemary right before fiona puts in the blindfold is absolute Terror. IM DYING ABOUT THE SPARKLY PEN THING. AND ABOUT THE DOCK THING. Haha cuz yes that was frank and Abigail spot and I loved them. 

My husband and I were both shouting during the handholding game! It was just so awkward!! I would have thought it was pretty funny if we saw a bunch of people from town playing it, too, but having it be Florence and then immediately Elizabeth kind of took some of the fun out of it. I’d rather have had a gentler fall from “Cute and Fun” to “Secondhand Embarrassment City.”

I’m glad you enjoyed the other things, too, lol. ;)

@kvanbooven​ said: For the mine disaster, I don’t really remember what happened off the top of my head and if they ever actually really solved it. I think what Henry could know is either specific people or the specific thing that went wrong. I really love your theory about the first mine disaster. Overall wasn’t a bad episode and Lucas is starting to see he might not have a chance I think. Hopefully he’s the one that confronts Elizabeth about it all and makes her face her feelings.

I’m not sure what’s left to solve about the mine. I mean, everyone knows Henry was involved and the company was sued for negligence and the widows won. We got the name of the person who told Henry to shut up from S6: a Mr. J. Smith.

March 27, 1910 1231 Front Street San Francisco, CA 1819383

Re: Noah Stanton

Dear Henry,

After careful review, we feel your concerns regarding any safety issues are unwarranted. 

Please consider this matter closed.

Best,

J. Smith Manager - North West Territory Pacific Northern Mining Company

The only resolution that never occurred were prison sentences for the guilty parties in question, so...maybe Henry has more names, or is willing to tell Bill the entire sequence of events that took place (rather than him having to piece together what he knows occurred). 

I also think it was a pretty decent episode and I can see Lucas losing hope each and every scene he gets with Elizabeth. The poor guy. I agree that it would be nice if he was the one who prompted her to face her feelings and work through that last bit of grief she’s struggling with. It’s the only way I feel like I’d be satisfied with her choosing Nathan, now. 

(They’re still on thin ice, though. If Nathan does anything else stupid or thoughtless I can’t imagine many people will still be rooting for him.)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #376

“when the wind bends the branch to softly touch me  /  when the band plays your song  /  i feel strong enough to keep dreaming”

If your s/o smoked pot/did drugs would you care? Yes, but for pot that's only because it's illegal here. I also find smoking to be a turn-off, but I'd be able to look past that if it was for actual health reasons. Do people ever call you by your last name? No. Has the last person you dated/fell in love with ever seen you cry? Yes. Where are you going on your next vacation (or where do you WANT to go)? I've got none planned, nor do I know where I'd want to prioritize. Like there's South Africa, but I first need to get healthier before I could handle the heat and trudging through sand. I want to go to Yellowstone National Park to spread Teddy's ashes there (seeking permission of course), but again, I need to be in better shape before I go on a venture of photographing there, as well. I need to be healthier to do a lot of the things I want to... Do you own anything bought in another country? No. Who do you text the most? Sara. Four things you wish you had? Better health (including mental), financial stability, a job, and motivation to indulge more in my artistic hobbies. What was the last thing you cried about? Stress regarding this dog we're stuck with. What is your favorite Elvis song? Probably "You're The Devil In Disguise." Do you think you could be the next American Idol? Ha, absolutely not. Do you prefer reading fiction or non-fiction? Fiction, by a long shot. Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? No. My grampa used to, but he's been dead a couple years. Who is one person you met and automatically didn’t like? I was not a fan of a doctor I once saw for my tremors. She was very rude and just threw the idea of me having Parkinson's or something at what, 17 years old or whatever? My psychiatrist knows her as well and knows she's a whackjob. Heard her name and was essentially like "ew" lmao. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? A male one with a knife, I guess. I really hate knives. And men scare me anyway. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know, he's in too many to possibly think of one right off the top of my head. Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Jesse McCartney was my first true love, haha. Have you ever been hit on through text messages? Yes. Do you have to do any yard work? No. Have you ever mowed the lawn? No. Do you get an allowance? No. Did you ever know your great grandparents? I think I knew one? There was this woman from my childhood I knew as "GG" for "great grandma," but I have no recollection of who she was related to or even if she was directly related to me. I remember that I really really liked her, though. Do you like the taste of Tums? It's the texture I really don't like. The candy-like Tums though, y'know, not the chalky ones, I like more than someone should like medicine, haha. How about Pepto Bismol? Omfg no. Do you have a fast or slow metabolism? I have a slow metabolism, but thank Christ it's not as bad as when I was on Abilify. That stupid fucking medicine was the reason I gained so much weight that I haven't been able to lose. What’s your favorite onomatopoeia? (Crash, bang, zoom, meow) I dunno. Do you eat ramen? There's only one specific kind of ramen I've had that I like: Yakisoba's spicy chicken one. Sweet or regular pickles? Regular. I don't like sweet pickles. What kind of dreams do you have most often? Since my nightmares started, violent ones. I'm usually trying to defend myself or lashing out at someone myself. What do you do for personal growth? I try to be a deep thinker, for one. This can way too easily lead to overthinking, but I appreciate that I think it at least helps me learn from my mistakes and work towards making me a better person. I need to start challenging my anxiety more, as that would definitely be massive growth... If you could read anyone’s mind, who would be the first person you’d read? Jason's, only because all I want to know is if he thinks I was emotionally abusive after the breakup or not. But I also don't want to know. Do you have a makeup item or style trick that you feel improves your look significantly and that you feel like you couldn’t go without now that you have it? No. What’s your favourite cereal? Probably Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I like a lot of cereals. Do you prefer red wine or white wine? I don't like wine. Way too bitter. Do you read Reddit? If so, how often and what subreddits do you like? I don't, but I've thought about lurking on a reptile husbandry one or something like that. Might learn some stuff. But at the same time, there are so many conflicting and very strong opinions amongst hobbyists to the point of awful toxicity that I'd rather not read. Have you recently broken up with a significant other or even just a friend? No. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? God no. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? Probably Scrabble back when Sara visited. Do you primarily use cash or card for your purchases? Why? Cash, because I don't have a debit or credit card. Do you believe sex should be mandatory in an ongoing dating relationship? Um, no? Some people don't care for it, and that's completely fine. Have you ever recorded yourself doing a cover of a song? No. Any secrets you’d never tell anyone? No matter how close they are to you? Yes. Do you like deviled eggs? NO. FUCK that yolk shit. What career are you most interested in? I still think my first career goal, a paleontologist, would be most interesting and exciting. Like just IMAGINE discovering a new dinosaur. And it's such a job of passion - you have to be so, SO careful and invest so much time in slowly recovering it from millions of years of rock and sand and time. I can only imagine the feeling of accomplishment when an excavation is complete. Have you ever seen a rooster? Yeah? What do you think about religion? Honestly, I personally wish it had never been a thing. It's brought with it so much hatred and bigotry, but I do acknowledge at the same time it's brought great comfort and hope to some people, and that's wonderful. But just all things considered, I feel it's done more harm than good. What’s your favorite sweetheart name (baby, honey, angel, dumpling) Probably "lovely." Has a little kid ever fallen asleep on your lap before? Yes, back when I babysat my neighbor's kid once. Have you ever thrown a grenade? Yikes, no. Have you ever talked face to face with someone famous before? No. Have you ever owned a rocking horse? I don't think so? If you could meet anyone in the world who would it be? HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Have you ever wished you were dead? Yes. Is it awkward when people start talking all deep around you? No, I actually like deep convos. Have you ever played the old school Pac Man arcade game? Possibly? Ever played Mario Karts on Nintendo 64? No. Have you ever been scuba diving? No. Can you surf/boogie board? No. Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? American. What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? Cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatos. Sometimes I get the cinnabon delight thingies, but I avoid 'em with how unhealthy they are. Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers? Pretty hot. Do you like to swing? I LOVED swinging as a kid. I haven't done it in a very long time now. How about jumping on a trampoline? I loved that as a kiddo, too. I haven't done that in years. What are you favorite color eyes? Sapphire blue or like an emerald green. Do you have long arm hair? Nah, at least I don't think so. What third generation console is your favorite? PS3, Xbox 360, or Wii? I loved my PS3. I'm still so bummed mine broke. How often do you like to have sex? I'm not sexually active, but even when I was, I didn't care. Do you have a facial expression you seem to pull a lot? What is it? Not really. I think I look stoic most of the time. Do you always listen to music when you’re online? No; I usually have a let's play or something like that on that I can split my screen and watch while doing something else. If so, what are you currently listening to? I'm listening to "Love Goes On And On" by Lindsey Stirling and Amy Lee right now. Do you ever forget how to do really simple things? Like what? Yes, like how to control the laundry machine and other things like that. There's just so many options that I never, ever remember what to set it to, no matter how many times Mom shows me. That's how my memory is with most things these days, really... Were you born with naturally straight teeth? No; I needed braces. If you were the opposite gender, what name would you like to be called? Uhhh maybe Severin. Do you prefer original or sour Skittles? I love both, but sour wins. What about chocolate or peanut M&M’s? I also enjoy both, but the original are better. Your favourite band: Do you prefer their old or new stuff? That's like... impossible to answer, lol. I just love everything. Do you check to make sure your ear phones are going in the right ear? No. Do you secretly still listen to Ace of Base? I have no idea who that is. Have you ever broken someone else’s bone? No, thank goodness. I'd feel awful. Is it stupid to think you can write a book at thirteen? No?????????? There are incredibly talented writers out there at young ages. Hell, I remember as a kid, I wanted to be the youngest published author way before that age. Are you ever embarrassed about what you dream about? There've been some I wouldn't share. Have you ever had sex with someone as a favor? No, and I never would. Does your mom let you date? I'm 25, my dude. She let me when I felt ready, though. If you had the last person you kissed’s Facebook password, would you go snooping through their stuff? Why or why not? She doesn't have one, but hypothetically, fuck no. Because that's none of my damn business, and it still wouldn't be even if we were still dating. Have you ever fainted? If so, when was the last time? If not have you ever come close? I've fainted once when I was a teen and have come close many other times. Ever take a keyboarding class? Do you type using the skills you learned in class, or how you used to before you took the class? Yeah; it was mandatory for I think one year in middle school. I type how I was taught in there. Do you find your best friend’s significant other/crush attractive? She doesn't have an s/o, and idk who her "real" crush is, as much as she'd love Frieza to be real, haha. What do you do with your clothes that don’t fit anymore or just don’t want? Donate them. Do you cut out coupons? My mom will keep some fast food ones she gets in the mail sometimes. Did you ever breathe in helium and talk funny afterwards? I think I did once at a birthday party, but I'm unsure. Would you ever open your own business? If so, what kind of business could you imagine yourself having? I want to be a freelance photographer so, so badly. I want to specialize in nature and wildlife, but having a boudoir studio would be great to help keep me afloat, plus I adore the art of boudoir. I've shot it once for an old friend, and by god, I loved how empowered it made her feel, especially as a plus-sized woman. She adored the pictures, and I'd just love to help other clients feel like they're gorgeous in their unique body, too. Last type of candy you ate? I had a donut from Starbuck's yesterday. Did you decorate your house for Halloween? If so, how many decorations? Did you go all out, or just put up a few things? Mom and I don't really decorate anymore. :/