#it could also just be a normal reoccuring waking dream

[fhrlclln]

I’ve been living for the Qimir fanfics. Can you write one where reader and him were lovers in the Jedi together, he thought she died, but actually the Jedi wiped her memory. When he bumps into her again he’s FURIOUS but also just happy that she’s alive and tries to get her memory back. Lots of angst but with a happy ending?👀

and here you stand | qimir

SUMMARY -> a man in your dreams feels like a distant memory you cannot seem to touch upon but when a particular meeting with a man in the streets of olega might be the answer to everything.

qimir x fem! reader

masterlist

GENRE -> angst & fluff

WC -> 2.85k

a/n: aNONz i hope this fic is what you requested for!!! i tried my best with the angst 😩🤌

likes, comments and reposts are greatly appreciated !! <3

enjoy !!

the dream always started out softly...

a glimpse of a man with short black hair, dawning a padawan braid, smiling and laughing with you in the gardens of the jedi temple in coruscant. he’d always kissed you and for a moment in the dream, you could feel his hands gently caress your cheek and see the loving gaze of his eyes on you. but the dream was always somewhat blurry... you can't remember the young man's face but his laughter, his love you feel is everything to you. it was comforting, it felt like home but the moment his laughter ends, the dream did as well.

and you wake up with a longing feeling stuck in your chest.

you'd try to remember your times as a former jedi, a former padawan in your time in coruscant. hoping you could somehow remember the man in your dreams, for it felt it was a distant memory than a dream but it always ended up with no avail. it was painful enough that you missed being back in coruscant and to reoccur those memories again in hopes of remembering who the man in your dreams makes it even more painful.

that's until you had just given up at some point on remembering him.

you now reside in a humble planet called olega. the city was large enough for you to explore it in your first days of living there. you opened up a merchant stall, selling the local fruits and vegetables for consumption. leaving the order was a tough decision the council had made upon you, you were a gifted student, gifted with the force. it was strong within you but alas, you failed, you could not somehow learn to control your own self- your own emotions. you can't remember why back then and it haunts you to this day of your failure as a jedi.

but that didn't matter now.

your quiet life of being a merchant had its perks. you were not bound by an order anymore. there were no more responsibilities and expectations placed upon you. you didn't need to train every single day- but sometimes you missed your training lessons. you did miss your former master and padawans, for they were the second family to you. even if it was told that at that time, familial or romantic feelings were forbidden, you still saw them like that.

granted, it was hard to fall back into the normal routine of an everyday civilian. you had been with the order since you were a child. you still would close off your emotions from time to time with the people you grew to know with in olega, but you got the hang of it eventually in the years of living here. but sometimes you wished to go back to coruscant, hoping if you'd visit the gardens and the great tree, you might remember the man in your dreams.

but here you are, standing behind your stall as you packaged the fresh fruits for a customer. you handed to them with a smile on your face and humbly accepted their credits. you sigh, sitting on your stool as you counted your savings to see if it would cover the rent you have to pay for this month. it was enough, your stall was popular in demand because of how fresh your picks was and you were grateful for that. you stand up again, noticing that you had to close now, seeing that almost all your merchandise was sold.

"closing off early again?" the cheery voice of your fellow merchant quips. you laugh, shrugging as you started packing away.

"i am!" you chuckled, checking if everything is in place before you could leave. you adjusted your satchel as you put on your hood, bidding your fellow merchants a kind goodbye as you went off.

a hot meal would be nice, you think to yourself, before you'd head home. walking through a crowd, you squeeze yourself in as you excused yourself to get by. the heart of the plaza certainly was always full of people at this time. for a moment, a watchful feeling washed over your senses as you look up ahead.

your eyes meet with a man’s. his black hair is slightly disheveled and greasy and the way his eyes were set upon you made you confused for a moment how hard his stare was. you look away, getting out of the crowd, an uneasy feeling settling in your chest as you walk away quickly.

qimir stands still in the middle of the plaza, his heart is thumping loudly against his ribcage. it couldn't be you. he doesn't know if the glimpse of you in the crowd was a mere apparition of the force but the way you looked at him had him thinking otherwise. you disappear from the crowd and he is hot on his feet to catch up to you.

he watches you go into an alley way, he follows in-suit, thinking that you’re trying to escape him. his nostrils flare, his agenda for today to go to the local apothecary is out of his plans as he follows you.

he watched you die.

he was sure of it, that memory of you of pushing him into his own ship whilst you stand guard to help him buy him some time to get out of coruscant never left his mind. it haunted him until he lives and breaths and it enraged him that you foolishly given your life for him to flee before his own former master would have killed him.

you were supposed to be together, right?

he thinks bitterly as he squeezes in the alley way. a lot of questions pop in his mind, were you still with the jedi after all you and him have suffered through because of them? that you willingly stayed? that you faked your own death just to leave him? those thoughts made him feel betrayed. you were his light when he was in the darkness. you were the one that understood him despite your refusal to let yourself be seduced by the dark path. he understood you as well yet he hoped that you would see truth that what the jedi do is all a lie.

he quickens his steps and your figure is starting to inch closer to him. he immediately reaches out to grab your arm and push you towards the wall making you gasp as you struggled in his tight death grip as he cages you with his whole body before you could defend yourself.

“let go!” you yelled at him as he ignored your angry yelps as you tried to get out of his grip. he merely stares down at you as you looked up at him. he observes, waiting if an emotion of guilt would cross your face… but there was none? only confusion and annoyance were plastered across your face. and he somehow indulges in your close distance, the feeling of you in front him again has him weak. here you are, warm and smelling the same after years since he had fallen into a rabbit hole of revenge and hatred for the jedi that he thought they killed you.

“i said-“ you weakly tried to pry him off you. your heart was beating so loudly, fearing what this unknown man would do to you. you wished for a moment that the force could help you. he was much stronger, you could tell, even if he looked like a twig underneath his robes. “-let go!”

“you… you’re supposed to be dead.” he breaks his silence. your brows raised with confusion. dead? you wonder if this man was crazy for thinking of you like that. not once did you remember angering any person here for this kind of response.

“i’m standing right here, buddy.” you roll your eyes as he lessens his grip on your arm. and here you do stand, qimir thinks. you relax for a bit as the hard stare he gives you softens slightly. something in him tells him that you don’t even recognize him. and that makes him worried.

“do you know me?” he tests his theory, hoping it was not true. you know him, you would never forget about him.

you two were your other halves of each other’s body, soul and mind, never to be separated even if the cosmos were in between you two. you would always find each other in the end. even in death, you were his other soul, the half of his battered and broken heart. he knows you vow the same as he heard those vows underneath the great tree in the gardens of the jedi temple in coruscant.

i will never forget you. as you had said to him when his lips last touch yours before you threw him into his ship, leaving him in agony seeing you turn on your saber before his master slashes you with her saber.

i love you, qimir.

he blinks wetly. there’s a hollow feeling inside his chest when he sees that you don’t genuinely recognize him the slightest bit.

“…no? no, i don’t know you. look, sir, if you have any problem with me or you want money, i have some credits-“

“what i want is for you to tell me the truth.” he cuts you off, wondering if you were lying as he tries to peer into your mind. he feels furious, furious that you are acting like this but the desperation… the desperation of trying to see you at least recognize him is taking over. you feel the hum of the force, so familiar even if it had been years since you trained. but it wasn’t just that, his force felt familiar.

“…you wield the force.” you say as your eyes widened when you feel him try to pry in your mind. an instinct in you erupts as you somehow managed to surprise him by grabbing him by his arm and the collar of his robe then pushed him into the wall that you were pressed against, making the roles reverse. qimir lets you do that as he looks down at you, a sadness in his eyes as he realizes that you don’t remember him.

what happened to you?

“you don’t remember me…” he whispers, defeated. he grips your wrist gently as a congested look of hurt is across his face.

“and you know me?” you ask, somehow feeling like he knows you more intimately than you had expected. confusion is breaking your calm mind, it frightens you that somehow you feel like what he’s saying is so close to the truth but you can’t discern it clearly. you know nothing of him. you let him go and qimir almost wobbled in his knees when your touch is gone.

he nods and your chest suddenly hurts. you back away, frightened and confused, it was overwhelming that you feel for him but don’t remember him. before qimir could utter anything else, you walk away. he watches you go, sensing that something was wrong. something had been wiped away in your mind with the memories of him and he feels lost. the one person that had stayed with him throughout his grievances and frustrations, the one good person he thought dead and the one woman he loved doesn’t remember him.

he’ll have to talk to you again when he wills himself.

・゜゜・．

it had been days since you last saw that strange man and your dreams have been getting even more vivid.

it was scaring you.

remembering the look in his eyes, you saw that he did in fact know you. but you don’t know him. sometimes when you wake up now after dreaming of that young man in your dreams, it felt like something in you was lost. and that your mind was actively trying to remember, trying to hold on what was missing but it always fails. and it leaves you feeling so lost and confused.

you sit by your bed now. you haven’t started your day like the usual. you felt sick, nauseous and incredibly exhausted of trying to will yourself to remember that strange man. his touch felt familiar when you remember it, his voice was somehow a comfort and his gaze… you know you would be in trance with those dark eyes of his that spoke of tenderness.

your eyes felt heavy as the sun peaks through the blinds of your windows. you sigh, weakly trying to get up. you felt you were about to fall back onto your bed again until a knock on your door surprises you. you freeze, the knocks then grew more louder and you sighed, thinking it was your landlord as you get up, wrapping your cloak around you.

you push the red button on the control panel as the sound of your door swiftly opening doesn’t ready you for him to be standing by your doorstep. you freeze, seeing that he’s dressed in another way-too-huge robes on him. he looks at you for a moment, taking in your face of confusion.

“i just want to talk.” he pleads and you stay frozen in your spot for a moment, wondering if you want to talk with him. but deep inside, your heart is telling you yes as it beats loudly.

“okay.” you say quietly as you let him in. qimir relaxes as you close the door once he crosses the threshold and he stands inside your small apartment.

“how long have you been living here?” he asks, looking around the place. “in olega… i mean.”

“seven… eight years, i think?” you answer as best as you can. “i stayed in coruscant for a couple of months before moving here.”

“why?” he asks further, confused.

“i left the jedi… i used to be a jedi.” you shrug. “it was the council’s decision why i couldn’t continue my training.”

“because?”

“…i- because they said i didn’t control my self, my emotions.” you sighed, not liking that you were telling this stranger of your failure. a stranger that you somehow know. you remind yourself.

“and you’re sure the council had told you that was their true reasons for letting you go?” he faces you, understanding bit by bit what happened to you. "they lied."

“why do you ask me? are you a jedi or was- as well?” you ask him now.

“i was.” he nods bitterly.

you blink. “then how do you know me?”

“we were…” he starts, finding his words to try and let this information on you easily. your memories were wiped as far as he could tell. he thinks that vernestra orchestrated to do this to you when they had disarmed you at some point after he had escaped. for it was to conceal those outside the jedi order of his existence and that it may put them in a political disaster. he scoffs at that in his mind. he wills himself not to go to the local jedi temple and slaughter master torbin himself for this, out of spite he’ll kill them all in there.

“you and i, we shared a bond.” he softly says as he nears you and you let him. “a bond that the order told us that it was forbidden.”

you blink, understanding what he meant. did the jedi lied to you? you think, feeling betrayed by the order that you had respected could do this to you. his soft gaze felt familiar and you reel in to his gentle voice. qimir’s chest filled with hope seeing you slowly start to understand him even though you still don’t know him.

“i am yours.” he takes your hand to his, placing it above his chest. “and you are mine.”

“and together…” those words leave your lips without even you registering it for a moment as he presses his forehead against yours. you shudder, your eyes welling up with tears, feeling overwhelmed as this felt like the scene in your dreams. this man was the young man in your dreams. you realized, why you somehow feel like you know him.

vows in the gardens, whispering it underneath the great tree. two padawans’ hearts beating with one another and the sweet song of love fills their chests as they become one. bound to eternity forever.

“we are bound to each other forever.” he finishes as he wipes the tears streaming down your face.

“i want to remember you…” you sobbed, your own chest hurting for not remembering him. this man that you had just met days ago but felt like you’ve known him forever. qimir smiles sadly as he pulls you into his arms. you cried on his shoulder, loving the way his arms felt around you.

you don’t even know his name and it breaks your heart again.

“i’ll help you remember. we found each other again.” he vows and promises he’ll make you remember. his own eyes wetting with his tears as he nuzzles his face on your soft hair and he whispers. “i promise.”

but all that matters now is that you are with him at last.

[totally-bogus-timelady]

Make do and Mend

Fwb!Steve Harrington x Fem Reader

Chapter one : The Same Situation

Screams.

You hear the screams of your best friend. The man that you've come to love, who you'd confessed to loving straight to his face just a few days ago.

Eddie Munson was out there. His screams loud enough to be heard over the wild screeching of Demobats even from this distance. Determination overtakes both you and Dustin and eventually you both make it through the gate to the upside down, each gaining injuries as you do.

As you both finally reach Eddie you realize that you're already too late. Demobats gone, Eddie's screams have now quietened to whimpers and he lays there, small and broken on the ground.

He tells Dustin to look after the others, that it's up to him now to carry on his legacy. He says how much he loves you both and turns his head towards your tearstained face. You manage a watery smile for him as he barely gains the strength to grab your hand.

"You are so beautiful," he rasps, spluttering a little. "I wish I'd told you sooner... I... I love you."

Your words are thick with tears and sadness as you reply, "I guess we were both pretty stupid on that one huh?"

You can still hear Dustin crying next to you but all you see right now is Eddie, soaking him up for however long he has left.

You lean forward and kiss him for the second and last time. His bloodied lips struggle against yours as he tries to find the strength to reciprocate.

"I love you Eddie," You choke out. And as you pull back, you see that he's gone, his eyes staring but not seeing. You and Dustin sit with him a while longer, you still cradling the body of your best friend, the man you loved.

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You gasp and wake suddenly, startled by your reoccurring dream of Eddie's last moments. You lift a hand to your cheek and feel a dampness where the tears in your dream had bled through to reality.

You reach for the glass of water on your bedside table and take a sip to steady your nerves.

It was rare in the last two months that you had a full nights sleep. Not since you had all been in the upside down and Eddie had died.

Nancy, Steve and Robin had all succeeded in killing Vecna, El had managed to close the gates, Max was in a coma and everyone in Hawkins had gone back to normal, or as normal as Hawkins could get.

And then there was you, who was also expected to go back to normal. But how could you when the one person that made everything seem better, the one person who despite being dressed so darkly made each day brighter, was no longer here.

You get up and decide to stop dwelling on your nightmares for now, though they're still there in the back of your mind.

Looking over at your bedside table you find that you have just under an hour to get ready for work at the video store.

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Your car pulls up in the parking lot outside Family Video. You look down at your watch and see that there's still ten minutes before your shift starts and decide to get a well needed coffee from the café next door, picking one up for Steve and Robin too.

Five minutes of queueing and two minutes of frothing later you were entering the doors of Family video to a very grumpy looking Steve standing behind the front desk and a few loud banging noises coming from the stock room that you could only assume was Robin.

His elbow was leaning on the desk whilst his head was resting in his palm, frown plastered on his face.

"You know, I don't think you're gonna sell many copies of Top Gun looking like that," you remark as you walk up to him.

He huffs and lifts his eyes to meet yours.

When you started working here, it'd taken you a while to warm up to Steve. You got on with Robin immediately, like a house on fire. You'd had a preconceived opinion of Steve from all the stories about how much of a jerk he was in high school. But after a couple of weeks working with him and a day where Robin had called in sick, leaving you to work alone together, you'd found that he was very different to the Steve you'd heard about and was in fact, a decent guy.

"Is that coffee?" He asks hopefully.

You scoff, "Help yourself Dingus, I got you the lowest fat option available. I know how you are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Says Robin, finally appearing from the stock room. "That despite you working in an ice cream shop for a whole summer -meaning you get all the free ice cream you want - the only thing you would help yourself to was the bananas. You, Steve Harrington, are a health Dingus."

Steve rolls his eyes at Robins words.

"Oh! Coffee! Thanks," Says Robin, already downing too much for a steaming hot cup, hence why you requested the barista put more cold in hers.

Steve takes a swig out of his cup, still quiet but he nods his head at you in thanks.

"Well, I'm gonna go hang up my jacket. I'll be back in a sec," You head towards the back to slip your denim jacket onto your hook, a sticky label with your name on above it. Next to yours is one that says Robin and next to hers is a sticky label with Steve scratched out and Dingus written above it instead, courtesy of Robin.

You check yourself in the small, square staff mirror next to the coat hooks. You look tired as you observe your reflection, now twiddling with the pick necklace around your throat.

Wayne had given it to you, saying that after some serious thought that he was sure Eddie would've wanted you to have it. You lift it to your lips, kissing the pick quickly before leaving.

You head back onto the shopfloor, still tugging your dark green Family Video vest over your shirt.

"I swear these things get itchier each day. You know, I don't think Keith ever washes them..." You say as you clock yourself in on the computer behind Steve. He still remains silent. Just you and him behind the counter - Robin having left to help a customer pick out a movie - you move to stand beside him so you can see his face better.

He has a soft frown on his face like he's deep in thought, brow creased and his eyes wide and sad.

"You okay?" You ask him softly. He looks up suddenly and turns his head towards you, as if just realizing that you must be talking to him.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, no I'm... I'm fine," You give him a somewhat disbelieving look.

"You sure? You're kinda quiet..."

Steve opens his mouth to reply but at that moment the bell rings. a tall, beautiful, dark haired woman walks in - one of your regulars who always gets served by Steve. Her eyes light up as soon as she sees him behind the front desk and she heads over.

"Hey Steve! I was wondering if you'd be able to help me with some recommendations?" Steve barely lifts his gaze, clearly disinterested.

"What kinda movie you after?" He drawls in a bored tone.

Not quite catching onto Steve's mood, she continues in a light, hopeful and somewhat nervous voice.

"Well I was," The woman clears her throat. "I was hoping you could recommend something good for a date?"

Steve reaches into the trolley of movies waiting to be reshelved, grabs the first one at the top of the pile and hands it to her.

"Try this one."

She looks down at the copy of 'My Little Pony : The Movie' that Steve had handed her and frowns but decides to continue with what must've been a carefully constructed plan.

"The erm... The only problem is that I have no one to watch it on a date with... Any er, any ideas on how to fix that," She sets up his opportunity to suggest he go on said date with her. Her eyes are hopeful as she gazes at him.

Steve, already ringing her up at the till simply says, "You want a bag for that?"

Your mouth drops open in shock.

"Oh... No, thanks," She takes the video from his hand looking quite deflated, turns on her heel and leaves.

Steve's already standing back in his spot looking mopey when you turn to him.

"What the hell was that? She was totally asking you out on a date!"

"What?" He frowns at you again, looking confused.

"Oh my god Steve! What's up with you?"

"Look, it's nothing okay. I'm just not in the mood for flirting with random girls today. Just let it go."

He's avoiding your eyes, something that in the past you had found to be a telltale sign that he was lying to you.

"Hey," Your tone of voice softens and you put a hand on his shoulder making him look at you as you ask, "What's really going on with you? You can talk to me you know."

A look of defeat crosses his features.

"I just... I," He huffs, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue, "I went grocery shopping before work this morning 'cause I was out of milk, then I realized I was out of eggs and laundry detergent as well so- uh, anyway. I got all my shopping and I was waiting in the checkout que and I heard this beautiful laugh that I'd recognize anywhere, so I look a few tills over and there's... Nancy and Jonathan."

Steve's eye's go big and sad again as his frown returns.

"I know its stupid and they've been together for a couple of years now but... I guess just after everything with Vecna and how we were together it just, it just really seemed like I could get her back for a while there." Steve pauses, running his hand through his hair. "I mean, I wasn't the only one that thought it. I had Dustin nagging me about it in one ear and Robin in the other, even Eddie said-"

He seems to realize his mistake a second too late and pinches his nose between his finger and thumb. You reach up and twiddle your necklace at the mention of Eddie's name, a sharp stabbing pain going right through your heart. Steve, now feeling like an idiot, looks at your fallen expression and your watery eyes.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking... Here I am whining because Nancy doesn't love me when you're going through all this."

Steve continues apologizing, his hand waving around. You grab his shoulder again, this time to stop his apologetic spiel.

"Steve, Steve, it's okay! No I- It's okay Steve!" He stops waving his hands around and finally stops apologizing. "I mean, we're both kinda in the same situation really."

Steve narrows his eyes in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"Well, we're both in love with someone we can't have, we're both trying to move on and we're both hurting right now. I mean it's different but kinda the same," You lean back on the counter.

"I guess so, when you put it like that,"

"I've not had much experience in the dating world but, you have... How would you normally get over someone?"

Steve's eyebrows raise in thought and his toned arm reaches towards his neck to scratch it awkwardly.

"Well, uh... Normally... Normally I'd just have a fling," Steve clears his throat awkwardly.

"A fling?"

"Yeah, I'd go on a date with some random girl and just have some meaningless sex. You know, just get it out of my system."

Steve looks over at the sci-fi section where Robin can be heard trying to explain to her customer why Star Trek and Star Wars are not the same and that his date wont be happy if he whips out Star Trek as a substitute.

He sighs and looks back at you, who is currently eyeing him curiously.

"Honestly," He starts, "I don't wanna go on a date with anybody right now. I just got my heart broken again, by the same girl. The last thing I feel like doing is buying flowers and going on a date with some girl I don't wanna be with 'cause she's not Nancy... I don't wanna waste my time or theirs, so I don't know what to do..."

He sighs again and slumps back into what seems to be his new favorite position on the counter. You decide to join him and press your jaw into your palm, your other hand starts to play with the slinky between you on the desk.

"I know what you mean. To be honest with you I don't want to go on a date with anyone unless it's Eddie, not at the minute at least."

Steve turns his attention from your hand toying with the slinky to your face again.

"You're right, we are in the same situation."

You turn to look at him, you mimic the gentle smile lifting his his lips. Your eyebrows furrow as briefly, a thought enters your mind. You and Steve are in the same situation. Maybe you and Steve could-

Robin suddenly appears in front of you both.

"Honestly, I just spent the last thirty minutes serving that guy and he said he'll come back tomorrow... I don't wanna serve that guy tomorrow or today, couldn't he have at least wrapped it up in one visit!"

She looks between the two of you, "Have either of you done any work since I went over there or do I have to do everything?" She says grabbing hold of the trolley of tapes waiting to be reshelved. You snap out of whatever crazy thought you were about to have.

"Oh god, Robin I'm sorry, I'll do that, You go and head off on your break," You say rounding the desk and taking the trolley from her hands.

"You sure you can handle Mr Grumpy while I'm gone?" she asks cheekily.

"Ha ha," Comes as a sarcastic reply from Steve.

"He'll be fine, go enjoy your lunch."

Robin thanks you and skips happily off to eat her tuna sandwich.

"Hey, you good?" You ask Steve.

"Yeah, thanks. I'm gonna head to the stock room and do some inventory. Give me a call if we suddenly get a load of customers."

With one last huff, Steve turns and heads towards the stock room. You watch him as he goes, one thought replaying in your head.

You and Steve are in the same situation...

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A/N Hope you all enjoyed! chapter 2 should be up soon if I can get my arse in gear as It's very nearly done.

I don't know how many parts this will end up being but it is linked to my Fwb!Steve oneshot as well, so give that a read if you're thirsty for more as that will be making an appearance in the fic eventually.

Thanks for reading! xx

[evanpeterswifeyyy]

Absolutely random rant session about my fucked up sleep stuff

Does anyone else have constant nightmares or disturbing dreams?

Like, my only dreams I’ve ever had have always been either terrifying or deeply disturbing. And for the first few years I was definitely terrified in my dreams, but now it’s just a common occurrence and feels like a “yeah this is fine and normal” moment in my dreams. The only times I get the feeling it’s a nightmare is when it gets super weird and disturbing and then I have to force myself awake.

Does it even count as a nightmare if I’m not scared??

Idk how to explain this phenomenon but like I have so many strange dreams that reoccur in the same sort of way I can make categories for it

+ dreams where I’m being chased or running from something/ someone

+ dreams where my environment is rapidly changing

+dreams where I have multiple dreams back to back that are wildly different

+ dreams of body horror like I had a dream of someone i loved being covered in moss, another time they were a rotting corpse, sometimes it’s acne based, a lot of the time it’s me hiding from someone who’s literally about to die in horrific ways. (I recently had a dream where a woman got surgery and it all split open and it sickened me so bad I had to stay up for an hour before I could fall back asleep at like 3 am)

+dreams where I die

+an amalgamation of all that

I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever had a “good” dream.

Like most ppl have dreams about going to work, being embarrassed, finding the love of their lives, their teeth falling out, etc.

Mine is being in a jumbled up rubix cube of an environment where I’m at school, but it’s not my school visually, but one room is from my school and my school is also a hospital now and I have to go to class but oh someone is getting throwing up their guts and oh now I’m in my house and my mom who’s not really my mom is hunting me down and I have to run away through the woods that are near my house but I don’t have woods near my house and now I’m at a haunted house and being stalked by creepy dolls— and on and on and on.

Once I had a dream I was in a church chapel and it was like the 1600s and it was a church but also acted as like a courthouse and I was watching someone’s trial where they were getting sentenced to beheading and then it randomly flipped and I was pulled from the crowd as the offender somehow and I had the most realistic, terrifying feeling of actual death when I realized I was going to die and a blade came down and I didn’t feel any pain rlly but everything when black and my head dropped in the basket and I remember still being concious but everything was muffled and my brain was all fuzzy and then I woke up. I was genuinely so sick to my stomach after waking up. It’s hard to describe the feeling other than I literally felt what it feels like to accept death and it’s horrific.

I’m just curious if this happens to anyone else.

I haven’t tried anything to prevent these dreams, I kinda feel like I can’t anymore even if I did try everything in the book. It’s why I’ve been trying so hard to learn how to lucid dream because I want to be able to feel safe and comfortable when I’m in a dream. And like technically I do because when I’m in my dreams I’m usually like an entire separate person (whether I look like me or not) kinda like a video game. So it’s “normal” to me in the dream. But obviously, it’s not comfortable in the way I want it to be.

If anyone has any tips on how to calm down my dreams a least a little bit pls drop it in notes because I’m desperate atp.

Sorry for the random rant but I find dreams so fascinating in general and this has been bothering me for days because they always spike up sometimes and turn into actual nightmares and I’ve been getting that recently. I hope this was actually interesting to people who did read this atrocious yap session.

I see u and I appreciate u 🫶

I actually have tons of dreams I remember pretty well if anyone wants to hear me specifically talk about all my weird dreams. I do keep a dream journal but it’s not consistent at all and sometimes I’m either too tired to write down the dream or too terrified of it to recall so there are some I don’t remember at all or it’s hard for me to talk abt in detail.

Even describing some of them in text gives me chills.

[xoxoavenger]

Dreams and Premonitions

pairing: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

summary: Y/N has a reoccurring dream, one that tears her relationships apart and her heart in half.

word count: 1763

warnings: angst, mentions of death

notes: yes I know the teen wolf movie sucked and yes I got this idea from it okay // also my din djarin fic got a lot of love so I'm throwing my hat into the ring with Joel (my beloved) I have a longer fic if this goes well

masterlist

When does a dream become a premonition?

Y/N wasn't sure. Ever since the outbreak, she hadn't dreamed much. The few she remembered always caused her to wake up sweating, and one time when Joel had shaken her awake because she was screaming so loud he was afraid FEDRA would think something was happening.

This was different.

It always started out the same. Joel and her were going on a supply run, a normal one that they had gone on many times. They were walking in the main tunnel, an empty one, when her foot snaps on a fungus branch. She doesn't have time to scream because all the sudden there were clickers. Hundreds of them. More than they had ever seen, more than should be possible.

It happened it flashes. Never enough to be a coherent plot but enough for her to feel the pain of everything. Y/N screams, she hears Joel's shouts, the sound of gunshots going off, the clickers filling her ears. It's too much for a couple seconds, her chest hurting with the way her heart races. Then they're gone, and Y/N is left unscathed - not a scrape on her. She turns to see Joel, who is laying lifeless on the concrete, blood everywhere. She's up immediately, trying to figure out where to put her hands to help him.

"Joel," She starts, hands shaking over all the blood. She didn't know where to put them - it seemed like the blood was coming from everywhere all at once. "What should I do? Joel, wake up!" She could feel the tears in her eyes, and the flashes speed up, everything happening too quickly. Her hands covered in blood, Joel's pale face, his hand grabbing her wrist to dye her sleeve a dark red. His eyes are only open for a moment.

"Y/N," He whispers out, his hand falling away and his face going slack.

After that, it's all blurry. Sometimes, if she's lucky, she wakes up right after Joel dies. Once, she woke up before Joel died, right as he opened his eyes, but that hadn't happened since and had only occurred because Joel had grabbed her to pull close, waking her up in the middle of the night. He usually doesn't notice that she's having a nightmare, so sometimes she gets stuck, screaming and crying at Joel to just wake up. He never does.

Today, Y/N wakes up feeling exhausted, tears wetting her face, her neck, the neckline of her shirt. This time, she had been screaming for what felt like hours, bloody hands clutching Joel's corpse. She turns in the bed, relieved to see Joel still asleep. She doesn't usually scream out while she's dreaming, but the few times she has, Joel wakes her up. She's glad he didn't wake up, glad to see the peaceful expression. She sees he's not wearing a shirt, which means he probably didn't stumble into bed drunk and/or high.

She knew Joel was sampling his supply, that he spent a bit too much of their ration cards on the shitty homemade alcohol, but she also knew Joel was haunted by things that happened - pre and post outbreak. She knew he probably needed those to keep him sane, so she didn't say anything.

She gently rubs a finger over his brow, watching his face relax even more. She isn't sure if he's awake or asleep when he reaches out and pulls her toward him, letting her tangle their legs together and push herself against his chest. She's not going to sleep again, but holding Joel close and listening to his heart steadily beating makes her own heart slow.

Joel is fine.

~

"Why is it always the same dream?" Y/N asked Tess. The two of them were going on a run together, Y/N insisting she couldn't go with Joel this time, much to his utter dismay and annoyance. She needed to talk to Tess, to finally tell someone about the dream. She needed someone like Tess, who would set her straight.

"Begs the question," Tess says, carefully looking around the dark field. "When does a dream stop becoming a dream," She started, and Y/N stops in her tracks, heart speeding up as she realizes what Tess is saying.

"And start becoming a premonition." She finishes, bloody hands and Joel's lifeless face flashing behind her eyelids. "Oh my God," Y/N whispers, turning to see Tess, who stopped a couple feet in front of her.

"It's probably nothing." Tess tells her, sounding slightly annoyed. Y/N shakes her head as she starts walking again, moving the flashlight around.

"What if it's not nothing?" Y/N asks softly, unable to get her heart to stop beating so fast.

"Do you seriously think you're physic?" Tess asked, and Y/N took a deep breath. "Because it's not like it would surprise me during this apocalyptic hell, but," Tess trails off, and Y/N shakes her head.

"But it's the same! Every time!" Y/N says, probably a lot louder than she should. "That has to mean something." She whispers, practically shaking.

"Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't." Tess says as she leans down to the entrance of the tunnels. "But if Joel is going to die, you can't stop that. You can't change the future, even if you could somehow predict it." Tess started to go down the ladder, leaving Y/N standing outside.

"What if I can?" She said softly to herself, thoughts running through her head as she hops into the tunnels after Tess.

It’s stupid, she knows. No one can predict the future. But seeing it happen, being the reason - she couldn’t live like that.

~

Y/N hadn't seen Joel in a week. She'd been avoiding him, hoping that maybe if she one day up and left he'd forget about her. But there was only so far she could run in the QZ, and only so many things she could grab from their apartment to live in the abandoned shed beside it. Besides, it was only a matter of time before she was either put on the same job or the same run.

"Y/N!" Her body goes rigid at the sound of Joel's voice across the road from her. She had been on litter duty, sure that Joel would want something that paid more. Maybe he was trying to find her. "Hey!"

She walks away quickly, not looking at anyone as she slides into an alleyway before taking off sprinting, dropping the trash-grabber and bag.

"Stop running from me!" Joel yells out, but Y/N doesn't slow. She knows without looking behind her that Joel is definitely gaining on her. "You know I'm faster!" He calls out angrily, and Y/N chances a glimpse backwards as she turns a corner, and Joel is right there. She only has a couple more seconds of running before Joel grabbed her, their momentum sending them tumbling to the ground. Y/N feels her knee crack against the concrete, Joel groaning out as he falls hard. His hand is under her head, which she is reluctantly thankful for.

She wouldn't have to be thankful for his hand if he hadn't tackled her.

"What the hell?" Y/N groaned, putting her arms under herself and pushing up to stand, only putting light pressure on her busted knee.

"You don't have the right to say that!" Joel explodes, angrier than she had ever seen him. "You disappeared for a week! Do you know what that did to me? Jesus," He puts his hands to his head, and Y/N tries not to feel guilty, tries to stay strong.

"Please, Joel, don't act like you care that much." She needed to push him away, needed to say hurtful things to get him to leave. She looked at her hands, her brain tricking her into seeing them stained with blood. She squeezes her eyes shut so she doesn't have to look anywhere, but now all she can see is Joel being attacked by the clickers, being eaten alive, his dead body in his arms.

"You're joking, right?" He asks annoyed, and Y/N shakes her head, eyes still closed. "So all time together, all the talk of getting us through the hard times with one another, that was all just made up?" It's clear Joel doesn't believe her.

"Stop." She says, tears falling down her cheeks.

"This has something to do with the nightmares, doesn't it?" She'd never explicitly told Joel that she had nightmares, but she knew he'd woken her up quite a few times, his worried face looming over her as she heaved in breaths.

"Joel," She opens her eyes to see him looking concerned instead of angry.

"You can tell me." He tries, but she knows she can't. "If you just talk to me, I can help you."

"No, you can't." She whispers, wiping her face as the tears start to slip down her neck.

"They're just dreams, baby. They aren't real." He reaches out for her arm, and shockingly she lets him comfort her.

"When does a dream stop becoming a dream?" She asks, looking up at him. His confusion fights back his own tears.

"What?" He doesn't know what she's saying, just happy that she's standing closer now.

"I don't just have nightmares," She's speaking softly, her breaths light as she forces back the sobs. "I have the same nightmare. Over, and over, and over again. It's always the same. Every single time. It always starts the same. It always ends the same." She's hiccuping now, and Joel reaches to pull her into a hug. She backs away from him, forcing him to let go of her arm.

"It's just a dream." He tells her softly, wanting to comfort her somehow. She licks her lips as she tilts her head, sniffling slightly.

"It's not." She tells him, voice sharp. "It can't be." She turns away from Joel, not able to look at his pitying face.

"Baby," He starts, making her heart race. "What happens in the dream?"

"What do you think?" She barks out a corse laugh, choking on her tears. "You die in the tunnels. I can't save you." She can't look at his face. She can't move as the flashes plague her mind.

"That won't happen." He tries to reassure her, but she's already made up her mind.

"You're right. Because if I'm never with you, the clickers never come after us. And you don't die." She leaves Joel speechless, not looking back as she sprints away. She ducks behind cars, in and out of buildings until she's past the fence, out in the field near the city.

Then she falls on her knees and screams.

//

tags: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @roxaya

[someotherdog]

for / @grapefruitey participants / prudencia & your choice of muse, as long as they're over the age of thirty! story / based off of here, within a dream plot; our muses keep seeing each other in their dreams; prue thinks it's just a weird reoccurring dream, but soon they discover that they can touch, see, and hear each other! while the dreams seem harmless at first, things soon get dangerous when our muses can't wake up themselves up... (could also be backrooms-y or nightmare on elm street/freddy krueger, i'm up for anything!) setting / a beautiful glowing park with purple butterflies that prue has been visiting in her dreams every night for the past two weeks.

she might've thought she was in heaven if she wasn't pretty sure she hadn't died yet. she might've thought she was in heaven if she hadn't visited the park multiple times that week and then woke up every morning back in the cruel, cold world. each night when prudencia settled into bed, her mind drifted off nearly instantaneously and the next thing she knew, she was sitting in a park that had trees a vibrant green like it was perpetually spring and they never died, and beautiful butterflies with bright purple wings. there were birds that sang the sweetest tune, and the best part of all, not a single squirrel to try and steal food from her picnic. it was a picnic, wasn't it? she always sat on a cute pink-and-white gingham blanket. there was always a basket full of sandwiches and juice boxes. the sun always shined with not a cloud in the sky and yet she didn't get overheated, she was pleasantly warm all day—or was it night? prue could never tell. when she was in her beautiful dream, it felt like she had been there forever, and she never wanted to leave. not until her alarm went off in the morning and it was time to go back to the real world.

there was a strange part of her dream, though. every night she dreamt of a wonderful picnic, but there was no one there to share it with her. she would sit alone on that picnic blanket and never actually eat the sandwiches, but there was no one to share the basket with anyway. she just sat there. for hours, maybe. for days. for minutes. for years. she didn't know. when prue was dreaming, there was no such thing as time. no such thing as work. no such thing as pain or heartbreak or strife. it was so precious that prue couldn't wait to go home and go to bed. normally, she loved the art classes she taught at the local elementary school, but for the past month, all she wanted was to go to sleep. even at work, the only thing she could paint was that park, and her coworkers and young students remarked on its beauty. every painting she did was better than the last, more detailed than the one before it. soon, it would be like she could enter the dream by falling into the easel. without even realizing it, prudencia became obsessed.

the dream started to change earlier that week. while most of it was the same, there was a perturbing difference: she wasn't alone anymore. she couldn't see them, not at first, but she was aware of their presence anyway, as if could feel them in the area, a purely animal instinct. once prue became aware of her dream-sharer, their visage kept creeping closer more and more each night. last night, she could've sworn she almost glimpsed their face. all day at work, she had been anxious to get back to her dream world. she needed to see their face. she needed to know.

that night, the park was the same. shiny, bright, breathtaking. when she arrived into her dream, she could tell the stranger was near. in fact, when she stood up from the blanket and turned around, they were right upon her. their face startled her. though she somehow knew they would finally meet that night, to actually have them right in front of her made her jump back a bit. quickly, she recovered and a smile bloomed on her doll-like face. "oh. it's you." prue sighed dreamily, her gaze dropping bashfully. for a moment, she was scared the stranger would be some sort of troll-person, but they were surprisingly attractive. just another beautiful thing to add to her beautiful dream.

[nachosforfree]

I dreamed about the place again. I don't know if I've talked about it before online before but it's a reoccurring setting where I go through a large house; a large yard; and past a lake and through a hedge maze. Usually the dreams are frightening or when I think about them too hard after I wake up, I realize the situation should have been frightening. I was with my father and sister, rather than alone

It started in our own house, but a calico cat ran past the window and I wanted to go see if we could find it (in real life we live next to a busy road, I didn't want the cat to be run over). We followed it outside where rain was pouring. A lady in a stand was outthere and we asked if she'd seen the cat. She pointed us back towards the woods behind our house.

After we emerged from them, we were there. The place was full of other people, something not super common. It was wet outside.

I warned them both that this place isn't a place to stay too long but we all split up anyway. Before we did, we looked around the inside of the house for a few moments. My great-aunt was sitting in a room watching TV, she tried to coax us in. I left. I tried to go my normal path, walking through the house, down the yard, past the lake, and to my hedge maze. The amount of people was frightening, it was like a party was being thrown.

I was stopped when I realized the cat was at the top of a tree in the yard. The tree was surrounded by dogs. A couple people stared up in fear at what was happening but no one did anything. I ran up and shooed the dogs off. Once the coast was clear, the cat jumped out of the tree without hesitation. I slowly kneeled down to a non-threatening position to try and befriend the cat, but it just stared at me, hair raised and like it was waiting for me to attack. I don't know why it didn't just run.

A lady pulled me up and congratulated me on helping the cat, and everyone cheered. I was afraid. My sister approached, with friends around her holding balloons. They were almost like water balloons but they had nothing in them, so when they were thrown they just turned into a large mound of thin rubber stuck on it. My sister happily smashed a balloon on my head and one of the friends did the same to her. It didn't make me feel less afraid.

I went back inside to see if I could find my father. I did, in the room my great aunt had been. She wasn't there anymore. My dad looked older, but also like someone stuck fake bushy eyebrows to his face. He wasn't trapped though, he agreed that we should leave. We went to find my sister.

It was raining, but the amount of people was still high. My sister was still surrounded by friends and she didn't want to go when we asked. The place and my sister seemed to turn hostile at the idea of us leaving. The rain poured harder. My sister ran away from us as her friends cheered her on. The rain was so heavy that the large drains around the sidewalk of the house were surrounded with heavily flowing pools of water. As me and my dad ran after my sister, she jumped into a drain to avoid us. There was so much water though. My father jumped into the rising water around the drains to search for her.

Eventually she emerged from the drain opposite to the one she jumped into. She hacked up some water but then laid still in the large puddle surrounding the drain.

I woke up then, completely shaken up

[lesbiantvfish]

nightmare for the prompt?

Hi from 5am! Scheduling this one to post while I’m asleep. Thank you so much for sending a prompt ✌️

I wanted to write Sakko and my villain oc Lune interacting. I think they have buddy potential.

cw: she’s creepy and she sucks

Sakko woke up yelling from his cell. Realizing he wasn’t actively being tormented by that chain and music preforming box anymore, he sighed.

The moonbase beta prison complex gave Sakko a small bed, in a regular sized cell room. No bars, just a strong tempered glass wall in front of him, with an installed even smaller than normal speaking gap on the door. There was even a ladder installed so he could reach it.

Sakko’s attempt to fall back asleep was thwarted, with a knock at the side of his cell. He threw his blankets to the side and climbed up to his locked doors speaking gap.

“Do you need me to apologize for waking you up? just go back to sleep, idiot.”

“Would you like to have a different dream?”

Oh goddamn it, it was the new girl. His old next door cell buddy died in that cell yesterday, and she got moved in promptly.

“I’m going to be honest. You are strange, and the things you say upset me. I’m going back to sleep.”

She poked her entire muzzle outside her door and let out a whine. Why didn’t he ever appreciate his old cell mate. He was starting to appreciate his old cell mate. God save his soul, and all that.

Sakko tuned her out, as his other cell neighbor’s started outright yelling at her to shut her trap, all soon became quiet again. And he rested comfortably into his tiny bed.

“What should I do with this thing?” Sakko opened his eyes, and saw another sentient monkey species of some kind. She had dark grayish blue fur, lop ears and shiny rings hanging on tail. Her outfit looked like.. she wore a mask, and dressed similarly to a magician’s assistant.

In her hand, she dangled the object of his reoccurring nightmares. The fucking music box.

“Augh, burn it! Just get rid of it, actually! Get it away from me!”

At that, she complied. She opened her mouth and blew fire on it, until it burnt to a crisp. She waved the dust away, too.

“You see, usually I can go further into another’s mind. But the prison staff covered my eyes! I don’t know why that thing bothers you so much.”

That.. so much she just said upset him.

“..What did you do to me?”

She turned to him with a large smile.

“Oh, this? I’m just visiting your dream. That last one you had was difficult for me to move through. Did you know, my movements in your dream are set by your own set of logic? If you thought you were trapped by that contraption, it stunted my ability to move as well!”

He was asleep. Okay, great. He can lucid dream this bitch to hell. He thought hard about a piano that would fall down and crush her.

Sure enough, a piano came crashing down. However, she took a few steps away and is unscathed.

Sakko decided it was time to wake up. He opened his eyes, to see his darkened cell ceiling once more. Then..

He fell back asleep, but it was exactly where he left off. Inside the Citadel of bone somewhere, and that neighbor sitting criss cross applesauce toward him. Piano was still there, too.

“Did you ask what I did to you, earlier?”

He didn’t say anything back. This was draining enough to see a second time.

“Remember that pie you had on your plate yesterday?”

He looked horrified. “What. Did. You. Do. To my pie?”

She smiled brightly. “That was my pie! The staff gives it to me because my species needs more sugar than most prisoners. Also, since they put a locked metal mask over my eyes, I can’t read anyone’s minds anymore.. however, if I, for example, put a teeeeeny tiny portion of my fur into someone’s food, I can connect to their-“

“You put WHAT in my pie?!”

“Oh it was hardly any fur. And you didn’t even notice! Anyway, that scenery in your first dream was much more interesting than this one. Are you by chance a scientist?”

Sakko was too mortified to dignify anything she had to say. He was now scared of this woman.

“.. Well, the intricacies you dreamed into those machines was simply beautiful. You would not believe how misshapen machines become through the minds of most. Have you ever considered escaping this prison?”

She complemented him, but it still only felt like an insult. He told her. “Of course not, my sentence isn’t even that long. Just seven years, which is great after attacking a city in a giant mech. And holding a group captive to be brainwashed with a good friend.” She held her hand to her mouth. “Hm.. well, if you change your mind, you should tell me. My sentence is actually quite short. No one can prove my crime, so they can’t keep me here on what they can charge me for, for long.”

Sakko, laying down, lucid dreamed himself back into his cell. Lune was sitting outside of it, and decided to take it as an opportunity to wander around the prison that was recreated by Sakko’s memory. With her gone, Sakko lucid dreamed comforting things around him. Whatever that woman did to him, it at least seemed to bring his reoccurring nightmare to an end.

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

The Myserious Art of Coping - part 2

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4

Ao3

Wattpad

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02. 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

"σσн, єα¢н мσяηιηg ι gєт υρ ι ∂ιє α ℓιттℓє, ¢αη вαяєℓу ѕтαη∂ ση му ƒєєт (тαкє α ℓσσк αт уσυяѕєℓƒ) тαкє α ℓσσк ιη тнє мιяяσя αη∂ ¢яу (αη∂ ¢яу) ℓσя∂, ωнαт уσυ'яє ∂σιηg тσ мє? (уєαн, уєαн) ι нανє ѕρєηт αℓℓ му уєαяѕ ιη вєℓιєνιηg уσυ вυт ι נυѕт ¢αη'т gєт ησ яєℓιєƒ, ℓσя∂ ѕσмєвσ∂у (ѕσмєвσ∂у), σσн, ѕσмєвσ∂у (ѕσмєвσ∂у) ¢αη αηувσ∂у ƒιη∂ мє ѕσмєвσ∂у тσ ℓσνє?"

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-important notes about this chapter

• Cruising was a movie that came out in 1980 starring Al Pacino. His character, Steve Burns is a detective that has to catch a serial killer who is killing homosexuals. In the process, he has to go undercover in gay S&M bars to find the culprit while the police department's homophobia gets in the way. In the process, he discovers that he identifies with the culture a lot more than he expected and becomes distant with his girlfriend.

• Parting Glances is another LGBTQ movie that came out in '86. It's about a successful gay man who has to choose between two lovers. One is currently his boyfriend and the other who is suffering from HIV.

• In this chapter I heavily implied an Autistic Eddie. Everything I wrote is about some of my experiences even though I'm not diagnosed. I also did some research and read some comments to help me along the way.

• As someone who has Anxiety Tics, I also implied that with Eddie so keep in mind that the clicking he does with his tongue at random isn't a random thing I brought into it. It's something that I personally believe his character has

The black curtains that were put up to shield the sun from the boys' room weren't putting much effort into doing their job this morning. The sun had started to rise thirty minutes prior and was now higher up in the sky above the tree lines and at the perfect angle to shine in Eddie's small room. The beams were starting to take more room on the pillow next to Eddie as each minute passed, taking as much space as it could before falling on the back of his head. The dreaming boy was very unaware of the imposter in his room, he enjoyed his room being very dark and shaded so that when it was a really hot day his room would be the coolest one in the house.

Mumbling in his sleep Eddie moves his right hand to scratch his scalp before letting it fall back on the side of the bed. Nothing coming out of his mouth was coherent, just random words that didn't mean anything. His other arm that wasn't falling off the side of the bed was currently underneath him in a very awkward position. If he had been awake it would have been a very uncomfortable position for him. Normally he sleeps on his stomach and sprawled out like a starfish most nights. But with his reoccurring nightmares, he moves a lot more in his sleep.

Everything was silent and for once very peaceful in his room. Normally it was chaos as he ran around his room looking for something he lost or loud music blaring as he bobbed his head to the rhythm throwing his limbs around awkwardly. Though the peace doesn't last much longer as his voice gets a little louder and his free arm flies up in the air landing on the sunny pillow. In the process of him moving from his side to laying on his back, his breathing started to pick up. His body jerked as if he was trying to get away from something. He moves his head to the left a little and now the bright glare coming from his window is flashing into his eyes.

Making a ton of noises as his cramped arm moves to cover his eyes he begins to whine as he slowly starts to wake up. The feeling of his blanket wrapped around him making him feel like he was being suffocated. This was what was starting to set him off into a sensory overload. The feeling of the item scratching against his skin, the birds chirping outside and the sun blinding him the second he tries to open his eyes were all overwhelming him. The combination was pissing him off a little as he begins to grind his teeth out of irritation. After a second of laying there he quickly kicks the blanket off of him and he's moving with sunken eyes to try and cover his window again. Fighting with the curtains before making a relieved noise when the sun wasn't bothering him anymore.

Stretching a bit hearing the loud pops of his back he begins to wince as he tries to shake his limbs back awake, making even more noises of complaint over his dead arm. Making a mental note to try and not to sleep on it like he had again. Which would be very difficult as he could only fall asleep on his stomach with one of his records playing in the background. Running a hand through his hair he winces at the knots and makes a face at how greasy it feels. Sure it could easily be played off as a part of his aesthetic but he felt too disgusting to be able to go through with that.

As he calms his senses down, he looks over at his clock to see that it was only eight am. Raising his eyebrows, he was very much surprised. Normally he would sleep until three in the afternoon. With no longer going to school he found that it was easier to just forget how time and days worked. Stretching his body a little more it also clicks in his head that he feels somewhat motivated today. Maybe even leave the house as he was becoming bored with staying cooped up in the place.

Standing up his socks meet the carpet and he rubs his stomach underneath his shirt feeling the sweat stains and smelling them. Gagging a little at how disgusting he felt he worked his way to the bathroom where he strips as fast as he can. Looking in the small mirror he tilts his head as he moves his eyes up and down his body just taking himself in. He felt like one of those cocky douche-bags when he did this. The only reason he did most days was to ground himself. Knowing that he was real and not a part of some messed-up dream.

His hands move to his chest first where he traces over the tattoo of the head on the left side. Smiling proudly as it was one of his favorite drawings he's ever done. He continues to move his hands down feeling his rib cage reminding himself that he was very real. He was indeed flesh and bones. His hands move over the tendered wounds that he thought he was going to hate but ended up loving. Though they were still sore so he wasn't surprised at how he winced and grunted a little in pain. His hands move down to his stomach. Something he enjoyed a lot about himself. That and his thighs, using both body parts as a drum set whenever he was listening to music. His rough fingers then move to his v line as he traces that for a second as he begins to breathe in and out for a few moments grounding himself the best he can. He also did this to help calm himself from his senses.

He could feel his hair falling lightly on his back the grease was bugging him but he ignores it just for now as he moves his fingers back up to his neck. Not opening his eyes as he takes his necklace off and carefully sets it down on the counter. Opening his eyes he now moves to his face where he stares into his red-rimmed eyes. They were watery and glossy an obvious sign that he just woke up. Licking his lips a little he moves away from the mirror and moves into the shower. Turning it on and adjusting it so the temp was where he wanted it. Often he would get in the shower and fall into the comfortable warmth for it to only then go really cold and send him into another sensory overload. He didn't want that this morning.

When he's finally standing under the water he feels so much better. His hair sticks to his forehead and back and he hums to himself as he starts to sing without much thought. The acoustics were amazing in here so why wouldn't he take advantage of that. The tune was playing in the back of his head and the song was already stuck in his head. He most likely would be singing it for days after this.

"Come mothers and fathers Throughout the land, And don't criticize what you can't understand, your sons and your daughters are beyond your command, your old road is rapidly agin', Please get out of the new one if you can't lend your hand, For the times they are a-changin'." his voice rasps out a little as his hands scratch his scalp cleaning himself the rest of the way before stepping out of the shower still humming the tune. Moving and grabbing his toothbrush and started to brush his teeth. Though he's quick to start gagging not enjoying the flavor but he powers through it as his mouth was currently overwhelming him. Wiping his mouth he huffs as he takes a towel wrapping it around his waist before he moves out of the bathroom heading to his bedroom. Though before he can make it he hears a knock on his door.

Groaning and making even more noise he moves to the door nearly naked. Only holding his towel up with one hand as he opens the door not caring. Unsure who the hell was at his door right now. Slightly paranoid that it was some asshole who wanted to kick his ass.

Though when his eyes finally adjust to the sun he sees that it's only Jonathan and Argyle. Both of them looking way to sober. "Like dude, if we don't buy some weed from you right now I'm going to like. Lose my marbles." Argyle says talking with his head and Jonathan turns to look at him with a what the hell look. It seemed like the two of them didn't want to come off desperate but they were.

"Yeah, yeah. You caught me with my pants down I'm afraid. The only stuff I have at the moment is my own personal stash." he hums before he pauses wagging his finger a grin forming on his lips. "Actually boys, I can do you better," he says excitedly and Argyle looks confused and Jonathan's already starting to talk.

"I'm sorry we don't do anything harder than weed man," Jonathan speaks as he pokes his head inside the trailer a bit as he watches Eddie moving to his room. Surprisingly feeling more energetic than he had been lately.

"That's not what I meant," Eddie says as he quickly changes into clothes not bothering with his boxers. "I meant something else." He returns out in less than a minute holding his bag of weed. Argyle's eyes light up as he moves into the trailer without much thought. Eddie didn't mind as he moves his hand up stopping the other from just grabbing it.

"There's just a few things. I'll give this to you for free if you can drive up to my supplier and get some more weed off from him for me." Eddie says already doing what he normally did when he was in business. Argyles looks at Jonathan before shrugging.

"Okay man I can do that," he speaks slowly trying to grab it again but Eddies making soft tsking noises as he looks over at Byers with a serious look on his face.

"There is one more thing." He hums as he ignores how bad the carpet felt against his feet. Normally he would be throwing a fit over it but he didn't want to embarrass himself right now and not be taken seriously. "Byers you still taking photos of innocent girls without clothes on? Oh and almost forgot the last detail, without their permission. I'm sorry man but I'll happily sell to Argyle but you..." he shakes his head scrunching his nose up. "I don't like peeping toms."

Argyle is turning and looking at Jonathan with a look on his face that Eddie can't describe. Jonathan's face is going a little pale and even more pink as he stutters a little. All three of them go silent before Argyle shakes his head at Jonathan even more. "Not cool man. That's hella weird." He says as Eddie moves to cross his arms a little bit. The tension in the room was starting to build up as Eddie taps his fingers against his chin.

"Though if you prove that you aren't a creep anymore I'll consider selling to you. I mean you've gone through a life-changing experience so for all I know you've learned there's so much more to live for besides staring up skirts." Eddie says casually as that's Jonathan's last straw as he pushes himself out of the trailer. Moving to the van with a red face. Eddie was sure he had most likely made the other cry but truth be told he didn't care. He didn't have many rules when he sold but when it came to creeps he made sure not to sell to them.

••••

A couple of hours pass before he decides that playing the guitar was fucking boring after going for a few hours straight. His hands hurt and there were already some blisters forming on his fingertips. The plan isn't thought out all that much as he slides his shoes on and gets himself situated. Locking the door behind him and carrying the key on his necklace he works his way down the road to his van. The vehicle had taken a lot of damage and thankfully he was able to replace the windows and tires after Jason and his stupid groupies decided to destroy them in the name of Justice. Who knew Hawkins had their own personal Batman.

Eddie cringes stopping his negative thoughts when he remembers that Jason had fallen victim to Vecna himself. It explained why he had gone completely off his rocker so easily when Chrissy died. Though he snaps himself out of his thoughts as he moves to hop up on the driver's side before he's hearing his name being called from across the dirt road. "Eddie! Wait up!" He turns his head out the door squinting his eyes from the sun as he sees Max running towards him holding her skateboard. He freaks out a little as he hops out of the van quickly meeting her part way thinking something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" He asks sounding spooked. Looking around to make sure there wasn't anyone watching them or worst something chasing Max. His panicked expression seems to register to Max a few seconds too late as she tries to catch her breath.

"Oh nothing, I was just hoping you could give me a ride into town?" She asks looking up at him with an 'oopsie' smile. Eddies relaxing though his heart and body weren't. He felt the anxiety floating through his veins causing him to twitch and shake a little. Breathing in deeply he shakes his head holding his chest a little before he's moving back to his van and getting in the driver's side.

"So... is that a yes?" Max asks as she bites her lip hoping she didn't have to skateboard all the way into town. Eddie sighs dramatically as if it's the worst thing he could be doing with his free time.

"I suppose, where are you going anyway?" He asks. Not looking at her as he moves his body over to unlock the passenger side. Pulling the lock up and opening the slightly broken door for her. Watching to make sure that she got up there without getting hurt. The number of times he's hurt himself trying to get in the van was crazy. But she moves herself like she's done this countless times, maybe she has he doesn't know and now there she sits in the passenger seat like it's a throne. Moving to her right grabbing the door handle and closing the door behind her. The boy can't help but feel a little impressed that she got the door to close completely on the first try.

"Skate park." She answers as her hand moves to the radio already. Eddie doesn't mind though as he leans to his left grabbing his door and closes it. But like always it clicks back open and he groans as he opens it trying to shut it a few times before it finally closes all the way. He glances over seeing Max already going through all of his tapes. Her eyes skimmed between each one. The kid also looked very tired but he didn't want to bother her too much about it.

Turning his key in the ignition the van stalls for a second before it finally starts and they are both finally on their journey to the skate park. He buckles himself in almost forgetting and makes a comment to Max about it. Who groans in complaint. "Hey shithead, this van is pretty beat up. If a tire or something pops off and I accidentally swerved into a tree I don't want another murder case on my hands because you flew through the window and snapped your neck. I don't think I'll be so lucky this time around." He chuckles. Max looks at him like he is crazy and gives him a bit of a dirty look as she clicks on her seat belt.

Out of spite he presses the brake fast jerking her forward as she yelps dropping a few of his tapes. Grinning he glances over at her. "See. Told you." He says amused. The younger girl is already moving and hitting him in the arm as he takes a turn, taking a shortcut to the skate park.

"God I hate you." She huffs dramatically as he starts to laugh like a crazed man on the driver's side. Though she finally chooses a tape and pops it in, the familiar guitars start to play and Eddie glances over with a huger grin when he realizes that she not only chose Metallica but she knew the songs. Bopping her head for the next five minutes before the next track comes on and Eddie's tensing up a bit when he recognizes Master of Puppets. Each cord that played reminded him of his own concert down in the upside down.

"What's wrong?" Max asks catching on to the sudden mood shift. It was hard not to, Eddie was always goofy so when he went silent with no noise. Not even his fingers tapping the wheel, not humming a little, or even clicking his tongue something was definitely up. She didn't think it was the music but she wasn't sure what it was that made the other go strangely silent.

"Oh, it's nothing... it's just." Eddie pauses as he runs a hand through his hair as his hands begins to shake again making an involuntary clicking noise as his anxiety rose. "When me and Dustin were in the upside down together this was the song that I played to distract the bats from everyone. And- it's so stupid but it's making my scars sting just from the memory." He lets out an uncomfortable laugh as Max moves forward and presses skip on the song. Listening to it fast forward.

"It's okay Eddie. I cant listen to Kate Bush without going back to that horrible world either. That and I can't listen to Kill 'em all without crying still. That was Billy's favorite song before he died." Max explains as the next song starts to play lowly in the background. Now this was what Eddie needed. Breathing and calming down realizing the other wasn't going to give him the whole, "you're save and nothing is going to happen ever again so you don't have anything to worry about" speech. He looks over to see that she was having just a difficult time talking about her emotions like he was.

"Were you close with Billy?" He asks with a raised eyebrow noticing how the other seemed tense under the silence. He wasn't good with social cues but the other looked like she wanted to get something off her chest. Still paying attention to the road he also glances over at the other to make sure he read this correctly. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. You just seem like you need to get something off your chest, and like I'm horrible at reading people so I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable it wasn't my intention." He rambles out nervously tapping the wheel again as his leg starts to bounce.

Max looks over at him before snorting a little, "You are the strangest Metalhead I've ever met. And I've met a shit ton when I lived in California." She says amused. Eddie rolls his eyes amused not taking it to heart because it was true. He knew he wasn't the stereotypical have no feelings all I care about is Ozzy's vibes like typical metal heads did. He opens his mouth to retort back at her but Max is speaking again.

"But yeah? And no?" She answers. "Back in California, we were sort of close. Though he was still very reserved off on a lot of things and I'm not sure what was his Dad forcing him to be nice to me or what was actually him. Then he started high school and he changed completely. He started to see a lot more girls, started to work out more, and started to get in more fights. Then one day Neal walked in on him with a guy and totally freaked. Packed our shit up and we moved here back to Neal's hometown within a week." Max talks as she freezes as she looks at Eddie a little panicked.

"I shouldn't have said anything about the whole sleeping with a guy thing. That wasn't for me to talk about and oh god you could out Billy for all I know." She rambles out. It was now her turn to panic like the other had before. Eddie was actually in shock that the Billy Hargrove slept with guys too. Apart of him was in shock and the other side was disappointed because he totally could have had a chance to sleep with the other. Though realistically the other would've punched him in the face but he could dream, right?

"Yeah... not really your place to tell someone about. Though secrets safe with me. God knows you've seen a few guys come into my trailer from time to time." He says nonchalantly. Max's eyes grow wide for a second before she decides to not make a big deal out of it. Eddie was grateful, but he knew that him saying something, even though he wasn't sure where she stood, would ease her nerves about outing Billy. The second that came out she was a target for bullying.

"Well anyway, we moved here and he was okay for a bit. Sleeping with a bunch of girls, working out, and joining the basketball team but then something changed. He saw Steve at some stupid party and he started to go a little weird again. Then after the fight with Steve in the trailer, he went even weirder. He slept around with girls a lot more, worked out more, worked on his car more, went to more parties and I'm pretty sure he had a date with Nancy Wheelers Mom." Max rambles out her nose scrunching up a bit as Eddie's eyebrows skyrocket up his forehead. Though he tries not to come off as judgmental.

"He hurt Steve really bad and a lot of other people. And like, I'm not even sure what was actually him or what was the image he created for himself for his dad. Like he was friends with a lot of people in California but the second he saw me become friends with Lucas he started to act racist you know? I don't know if he was actually or if he was acting like that to get me to stop hanging out with Lucas so Neal didn't find out. Neal would've freaked and beaten the shit out of Billy if he had." Max rambles out as she rubs her arms a little self-conscious as Eddie parks in a spot near the skatepark. Seeing kids going down ramps and doing kickflips.

"And part of me wished he would die you know? He was the hugest dick ever and I never thought he actually would. We weren't close or anything but we both had to deal with Neal and that sort of made us teammates? Like I remember one time he accidentally broke a dish trying to grab something off the top shelf and Neal freaked. And I quickly swept it up and said I accidentally did it. At that time Neal wouldn't touch me because of my Mom. Then the next week I accidentally burnt dinner and Neal started to freak out on me and Billy was there and took the blame for me. It sort of made me think we were siblings on a certain level you know?" Max rambles out as Eddie nods his head just listening.

The van goes silent and the kid looks as if she just got rid of the worse weight she's ever held in her life. Eddie smiles softly as he moves to pat her shoulder. "It's not your fault you know. Or Billy's. It's Neal's. You and Billy just had different coping methods you know? But that also doesn't excuse the racism or dickhead remarks he made. He made his choice and now he has to go along with the consequences." Eddie speaks softly and Max turns to look at him. She smiles a little as she looked a lot calmer.

"Thank you, Eddie. For the ride and well the talk. Steve tries but his anger for Billy normally takes over." She admits as Eddie shrugs as he takes one of the toothpicks from his cup holder and puts it in his mouth chewing on it a little.

"It's no problem. Have fun, if you need a ride back I'm going to most likely be grocery shopping and going to family video to harass Harrington and Buckley." He says amused. The girl nods her head and smiles as she hops out of the van waving at him before running to the skate park. Pausing as she turns seeing he was still watching her and she laughs a little flipping him off, getting the same hand gesture in return.

••••

The open sign was in the window as Eddie walks into the small store. He felt stares at him the second he arrived in town but he attempts to at least ignore them. Walking into the movie rental place he looks around and his eyes brows scrunch up in confusion when he sees that no one was there. Looking around for a few more seconds before shrugging and going to look at each VHS that was available. Running a hand through his hair as he finds a movie that catches his attention. Picking the tape up with Al Pacino he decides that 'Cruising' it is. He just hopes he doesn't get judged for putting it on the counter to rent. Though before he moves to the counter he catches Tim Curry's face and groans as he decides he mind as well. Go big or go home as he holds not only 'Cruising' but 'The Rocky Horror Show' in his hand moving to the front counter setting them down.

Seeing the bell he decides to continuously press it, his other hand moving to hold up his head as he waits very impatiently. He hears loud complaints from the back room and he grins when he recognizes the voices. "Hold your horses!" Steve's yelling as he walks out of the back room with a little bit of jelly on the side of his mouth. Robin is right behind him as Eddie shakes his head still not stopping. Personally wanting to annoy the two but also the dinging noise was giving him some enjoyment.

The two finally look at him as they move into their small little cut-offed area. Steve looks surprised the other was there but was holding a smile anyway. Robin was equally shocked but it quickly disappears when she moves taking the bell from the boy, who makes a noise of complaint immediately. "You're like a five-year-old - oh my god." Robin starts to tease him before the movies that were in front of her catch her attention. Eddie's going pale as he quickly snatched them and decides he changed his mind. He's just going to put them on the shelf with a pink face. Do the walk of shame.

Steve is oblivious as he looks confused not aware of the two movies. Though he catches the title and asks, "wait aren't those the two movies we almost had to take off the shelves because of what's her name?" He asks confused as he looks at Robin who's glaring at him to shut up but nodding her head. He catches the hint quickly zipping his lips still very unaware about what was going on and why Eddie was getting shy and flustered all of a sudden. He didn't even know what the movies were about.

Robins moving around the counter as she moves to grab another movie as she holds up the cover for 'Parting Glances.' moving in front of Eddie forcing him to stop in his tracks. "This is personally another movie I liked." She hums as she sets it on the tapes the boy was holding. Winking as she moves around the counter again as she moves to the computer already pulling up Eddie's account. "Ok hand them over." She hums as the boy does reluctantly. Steve looks at them before either of the two can stop him.

"Oh! Isn't this the movie you forced me to watch Robin?" He asks still not caught up with the situation that was happening in front of him. Robin makes a show of slapping her forehead.

"Yeah, you dingus. Now, will you go wipe the jelly off your face before I smack it off?" She says in a playful tone and the boy groans after looking at his reflection moving to the back room. Eddie's honestly going to have a heart attack. He moves a hand over his chest just to make sure if it did beat out of his chest he would catch it. Then the realization starts to hit him as he moves closer to the girl with a confused expression.

"Steve Harrington actually watched a gay movie and liked it?" He asks confused and very surprised. Every time he thought he knew something about the other, something would happen and everything would flip upside down and he's lost again.

Robin looks at him with a little bit of amusement. "Yeah, he did. Though we both prefer fast times or any David Bowie movie." She hums as Eddie catches onto her hints. He nods his head as he doesn't say anything else both of them letting the conversation die. What else were they both supposed to do? Though before he's able to say anything else he hears a loud crash from outside. Jumping a little he turns his head to see a group of people surrounding his van. Taking baseball bats to it and someone's even taking spray paint, writing something not nice onto it. His eyes go wide when he realizes that if they see him he was most likely free game.

He's not the only one to realize this, Robin does to. The other watches all of this too for a few seconds longer before she's quickly tugging the other to the back room. He's stumbling as he takes the movies in his hands after she forced them there. Poor Steve is sitting at the small table in the corner finishing his sandwich and looking very startled about Eddie being back there. Just looking at the Metalhead he could see he was close to some form of a panic attack.

"Steve you need to get Eddie out of here while I call the police. The whole town is destroying his van as we speak and I don't know how many of them have seen him come in here." She rambles out. Steve goes a little pale before he's dropping his sandwich and quickly moving to the back door. Eddie's like a rag doll moving from Robins's hand to Steve's who's now dragging him in the back parking lot shoving him in the back of his car. All of this is starting to become a blur for him as he just does whatever is asked of him.

"Make sure not to poke your head up above the window." He says quickly as Eddie nods his head and curls up into a ball in the backseat breathing heavily trying to calm himself down. He was very overwhelmed and close to a breakdown. Steve's in the driver's seat and they are moving away from the store and away from the public. He's swallowing down fear as he lets Steve take him somewhere safe. He's having horrible flashbacks to when he was on the run and he's not enjoying them one bit. Though he's so completely unaware of his surroundings and lost in his head he doesn't even realize that Steve's now in the back with him forcing his yellow sweater over his head to cover his clothing.

Hopefully, no one would think it was him. It wasn't much of disguise, but hopefully it would work in their favor. Everyone wouldn't be expecting Eddie Munson to be wearing a bright yellow sweater. He then moves to grab one of his old baseball caps and forces it onto the others head. After taking the other in one more time he pulls the other out of his car and into his house. Everything was happening so fast that Eddie wasn't really able to process everything that was happening. All he knew was that he was being shoved down onto a couch with a equally freaked out Steve who's moving back to his door to lock it.

[sweetillusicn]

[ kit connor, cis man, he/him. ] ✧･ﾟ is that [ tony thompson ] who just stumbled into town? rumour has it that they’re the [ nineteen ] year old child of [ bob and dottie ] from [ the little vampire ]. i’ve also heard that they’re [ loyal ] but [ bold ] and have [ 0 ] sibling(s). i could almost swear i heard [ sucker - the jonas brothers ] playing when they appeared. [ sho, 25, est, she/her. ]

Tony is the only child of Bob and Dottie Thompson. Growing up, he had a pretty normal childhood: his parents gave him lots of love and attention, and he had an interest in movies, tv, and video games like any normal teenage boy. He also had a few close friends that he’d hang out with.

However all of that changed when his family moved from California to Scotland a week before his freshman year of college. Tony’s father was starting a new job, and while Tony had to admit that living in a castle was pretty cool, it didn’t make up for the sudden change. And on top of his stress from the move, Tony started to have reoccurring nightmares involving a gathering of vampires under a comet.

Upon starting college, the grandsons of his dad’s boss began to target him. Most of the people in their town had been there since day one. Tony however, stuck out like a sore thumb.

With the stress of school mixed with his stress from the move and his reocurring nightmares, Tony began dreaming of an escape. Although he’d always enjoyed horror movies and video games, his interest in the paranormal, specifically vampires, became more of an obsession. He began to talk about the vampires he was seeing behind his eyelids and doodle them in class. This caused his concentration (and therefore his grades) to drop. It also led to several disruptions in class.

However Tony soon found out that his interest in vampires was justified, as they were indeed a reality. While his parents were at a party thrown by his dad’s boss, a young vampire named Rudolph flew into Tony’s room in an attempt to escape a vampire hunter.

Soon after that, Tony and Rudolph became fast friends, with neither boy really having a best friend around their own age.

When Rudolph saw one of Tony’s drawings, both boys realized that Tony’s dreams were about Rudolph’s family and the other vampires attempting to reverse their vampirism. Tony soon met the rest of Rudolph’s family, and shared a vision with Rudolph’s father over the owner of an amulet that could reverse the family’s vampirism. Additionally, he saved them from a ruthless vampire hunter named Rookery.

After saving them again from Rookery, Tony suggested moving Rudolph and his family to the cellar under his house. 

Afterwards, Rudolph’s sister Anna snuck up to his room, gave him a mouse for good luck, and taught him how to whistle for her and Rudolph in case he was ever in danger or needed to contact them. 

With that, Tony went to bed, supposedly going to check out the house of his father’s boss, since the McAshton family crest was in his vision. However instead of waking up in his bed, he woke up on a bench on Main Street.

[kaffykathy]

Strange Dream I had woken up to on the day of Halloween.

I usually don't do long blog post like this. Mostly I just shit post about and occasionally show drawings on here. I just had a very interesting dream, and I felt like it was a good time to share it because it left an impression on me.

This wasn't a haunting or some lousy creepypasta. I'm just simply explaining this dream and writing it down because I don't wanna forget. I also wanted to speculate it. Because it was just so bizzarely detailed.

Now that last part is actually a thing that is not relatively unique for this dream; I actually heard before because of the melatonin I take it really effects stuff like this. What is Unique is how oddly logical it was. Everything leading up to the point where I wake up. I was even able to find some reoccurring themes I usually have in most dreams (Vacation, family, etc.)

The "Build Up" was pretty much the earliest point of the dream I could remember. Starting with a weird television-like second person perspective of a documentary, our journey began with a topic I usually don't think about, how strange celebrities are. This entire part of the dream was basically building up an entire narrative about how weird the elite in Hollywood act. Some are hyper religious, some are superstitious about certain things. Some really don't like it when, etc. Basic stuff.

What was soon striking of the documentary was that one big things that all the major Hollywood celebrities have in common is that they all have a fear for awkwardly shaped rooms.

Soon I was "watching" the perspective of someone recording two celebrities in what was probably a large event at this golden dance hall. Like a place you would have like weddings, or retirement parties in. It seemed like an apartment building with large hall or whatever. The whole thing felt like it was recorded on a phone.

In this recording, I could see that clear as day the group had found a strange geometry in how the interior was laid out. Just underneath a set of stairs that lead to the Amenities. All three of the of the subjects including the camera operator, were all doing that thing where you get so scared about something that you try to shrug it off and laugh about it. Telling some jokes, going "Yo this is messed up man", stuff like that. And all that was at some blank wall that really in a part of the building that felt like it was shorter than it really should be.

The weirdest part of this is not how they reacted, but it really was how the wall really did feel eriee. Like there should have been a full room there but instead you were only seeing half of what was supposed to be there. Weirder still was that there was a door in the middle of the wall, and no one wanted to open it. Everyone was giving that wall a wide birth.

Th dream was even including that some celebrities seem to act even stranger around these awkwardly shaped rooms. Some without any fear whatsoever simply saying that they wanna get closer to it. These statements are usually immediately reacted with "No, don't do that" or something to the similar manner.

I don't think anyone here reading this doesn't know what a liminal space is since we live past 2019, but it really did remind me of those weird liminal pictures that gotten so popular. Imagine you went into a room expecting it to just be laid out like normal only for it to abruptly end. While that is probably the case for a lot of places in real life, I never really had a fear for such things. But in the dream you really did sense a good idea why the individuals in that recording were as skiddish about that other side of the wall as they were. It was as if there was a bad omen about these oddly shaped rooms in the dream and that simply made them not wanna venture into it. It was like they were actually avoiding the room.

A little bit after that the dream changed perspectives to myself in first person in vacation with family around some town in America. It was me, my Mother and Father, my Grandmother, and my brother. There was also a couple other people there giving us a short tour of the place that were friends of my parents. Eventually though, we stumbled upon these oddly shaped rooms in what seemed like the most out of place area.

The wall itself was strange because it didn't fit anything about the resy of the interior, which was exposed brick. The offending wall itself wasn't brick, but instead dry wall. It was also painted up blue with magenta "Aztec" lines across it. It was so out of place, and it literally was just in the corner of a otherwise perfectly normal room. There was also a metal door painted gray.

Inside the room, the adults were mostly just talking about the history of the building and ignoring the odd wall. I guess you could already tell that I had to open it. So it did and only for a few seconds looking at what was on the other side, I understood that I didn't not want to enter through that doorway.

On the other side of the door there was a short "lobby". It was like an MC Echer painting. All the same blue and magenta design as the wall, all the same material as it too. it was just a maze of stairs and hallways as far as the eye could see past the lobby, with no real purpose or sense of direction. Immediately after not even a second of looking I pulled back and closed the door shut.

Before the dream ended. I saw that the door pulsed a bit. And then stopped.

Happy Halloween I guess.

[that-weird-deer-thing]

I don't dream a lot and nornally when i do there always feels like a layer of realism to it. None of the events are outlandlish and none of that sleep paralysis stuff. It just things that could occur in real life.

Thank whoever I don't remember parts of them when I wake up. During collage I lost count of how many times I dreamt of work assigments and tests I had to do, it would always take a minute or 2 to realiae that the deadline was made up. Some of them just felt like normal days at collage, mainly study hall and sometimes I would see people I had spoken to the days prior, even if I hadn't interacted with them in person.

There seems to be at least a few repeat scenarios in the ones I can recall. A popular one is that I'm running. I've ran around my local area, ran to avoid crowds, always from something. I don't think I've ever seen what I was running from in any of my dreams.

There are some exceptions but have the same feel. One, I was helping get a car set up to go somewhere, there were other people but I don't know who. I don't think it was my family, all I knew is that we needed to go asap.

It was dark and kinda in the middle of nowhere - possibly raining? It had that shine in the streetlights but I don't remember hearing or feeling it.

I remember ducking behind the front seats and just staying down there for the rest of the dream.

Another odd variant was where I was in a building (all the others had been outside for the most part). I was in a weird mix between a hostel, an Ikea and a University dorm. It didn't look like anywhere I knew of aside from colours. (maroons, vibrant oranges with light blue accents - the colours of the feature walls in my freshman dorms for some reason, everything else was new.)

I was walking around this building trying to find my room, eventually I went to a door that looks kinda like a fire safety door you see in hospitals ir offices - in fact the whole hallway I was in felt like something from a hospital, or at least a disabled bathroom. There was a window but I didn't see anything of note.

I thought to myself this wasn't my room and the door was locked, so I went back to the common area (the previously mentioned warm coloured room).

There were quite a few other students there, all blurred and out of focus, just doing their thing.

I remember talking to someone, I think they were supposed to my a friend of mine, they had the same hair, but I don't remember seeing their face. It was like they were speaking to me directly, but the pov was from over their shoulder.

Then, I saw a guy through some sheves or room dividers. He didn't exactly look threatening: older guy with white, thinning hair, overweight and wearing a shirt and shorts made form a thinner (maybe a light cotton?) pastel coloured material. He also had a big pair of scissors, not huge but noticeably bigger than anything you'd expect to buy in a craft store or something.

Everyone else in the room ran off, and I started to run though the maze of halls as well. I didn't feel scared or threatened by the man at all, I don't think he chased me either. I just saw him and thought I should run as well. I don't remember much after that.

Another random one I remember, I don't actually know what happened. I just woke up feeling disturbed, like I had experienced something that weighted heavy on my mind. It just felt like a bad omen - although nothing happend.

A recent one I actually thought was a memory at first, but was obviously not the second I put thought into it. I was sitting in my room and I just pulled out one of my teeth, nonchalantly. I remember looking at it thinking "oh shit that shouldn't do that" and just put it back. Problem solved?

You could probably psychoanalyse the shit out of me because of these and there probably is a meaning behind them. (especially with the reoccurring ideas). But I don 't really care to know, and even so it probably would just reaffirm things i know about myself.I can't be asked to look down that rabbit hole, I just felt right writing them down somewhere.

[brassknucklespeirs]

pegasus

pegasus: ever had a recurring dream?

uh yes yes I have. I get really vivid dreams and remember most of them in high detail but the thing that can be both great but also so not nice is that I wake up physically feeling what I feel in dreams, idk if that’s normal or not but because I use to have bad nightmares as a child it wasn’t the nicest of experiences and I use to get this reoccurring one that would have started when I was like 8 or 9 that there was something in my closest. Yes I know it just sounds like any other childhood nightmare but this was on the regular, the same closest, the same shadow, the same feelings, the same suffocation of being vulnerable like that. Think the last time I had it was like 6 months to a year ago so like…it creeps me the fuck out and I swear it was because the energy in my old house was not it bro like idk if I 100% believe in supernatural entities and ghost and shit but I do believe in the energies of the freaking universe and something just was not right in that bedroom. Idk man could just be my way too vivid imagination but to have the exact same nightmare for over 10 years…no thanks

[glitzicurities]

Alright, i have enough confidence now to finally try this, post-movie PTSD headcanons!

If anything is incorrect, or offensive, please let me know! I’m trying to learn how to write as best as I can, so any feedback helps! :D TW for flashbacks, panic attacks, nightmares, mentions of blood, phantom pain (?), sensory issues, and i think thats about it- lmk if i missed anything!

Also sorry raph fans but i’m still trying to get a better grasp on him so there probably isnt that much going for him :^

-Leo

He went through so much, so he definitely has a lot against him from functioning normally. Well, a lot more new stuff

The nightmares are constant. Whenever he falls asleep, it feels like he’s floating, so naturally he’s stuck in that bad ending forever in his dreams. Doesn’t wake up screaming, but he’s shook to his core when he wakes up

He’s always looking over his shoulder. Or just around in general. He doesn’t understand this feeling he has, that something is gonna come out of the shadows and attack him or his brothers, so he’s constantly tense, even the smallest movements & noises out of his sight make him at least flinch, or at most pull out his katanas. He’s almost decked each of his brothers in the face at least once, which he hates every time

Speaking of, he has this overwhelming guilt that feels like it’s snapping his shoulders. He has no idea why, sometimes it fades and then hits him like a truck later. It’s mostly about not being able to do the right thing right away, and not being able to save Raph from being stabbed in the shell or from being controlled. But sometimes there isn’t even a reason behind his guilt, he just has it.

He rarely smiles for too long. Every single time, he can hear the Krang’s voice in his head. But this time, he complies, and braces himself for impact. It takes a few seconds for him to realize & untense, but it’s noticeable if you’re looking for his reaction

The flashbacks are extremely reoccurring, from Raph’s sacrifice, to being flung through the portal and beaten until he was spitting up blood. He swears he can vaguely feel the pain from them too. These leave him the most open, and the fear is most noticeable on his face during them. Which is why he hates them, and tries to distract himself from them using every single possible thing he could use. Or just by removing himself from where he is so no one else sees.

The repression is big with this one. He doesn’t talk about it with anyone, and he masks a ton when anyone tries to ask about it. He’s already hurt them enough in the beginning, why make them have to deal with his problems anyways? Even after someone brings it up as a possibility, he denies having it himself. Let us take care of you, self-conscious boyo <3

Any time he sees something close to blood, or vaguely resembling blood, his head starts spinning and he physically starts swaying slightly. If it’s bad enough, he’ll try to sit down, lean on something, or just collapse from dizziness & lightheadedness. His vision blurs & his ears start ringing as every other sound feels muffled. He’s never collapsed in front of his brothers, but he’s collapsed and been stuck in his place for 5 minutes until he calmed down once. He thinks it’s lucky he wasn’t found during that time.

-Mikey

He was the first one to notice something off about himself after the fact

Flashbacks for him were brief, but painful as it was basically phantom pain in his arms as the portal creation flashed in his memory. Sometimes they felt more like intrusive thoughts, presenting what if scenarios that had much worse outcomes

He hated any & all slimy textures now, whether to touch, hear, or see. Or anything remotely gooey. It makes his breath hitch & stop, and his chest & shoulders tighten & shake.

His emotions felt stunted, like he couldn’t be as extreme as he used to be. Any situation now felt toned down because he couldn’t bounce all over the place like he normally did. Sure, he could fake it sometimes to try and get himself to feel it bigger, but it never worked.

Building off that, there were points when he woke up and he just. Couldn’t move. Not sleep paralysis, but he didn’t have the energy or will to get up & do anything. Whether from a nightmare or he just plain couldn’t for no reason, it could take 5 minutes to half an hour for him to get up properly. He’s started trying to get up earlier so it doesn’t interfere with his normal schedule.

Nothing he does feels satisfying anymore. He can barely enjoy any of his hobbies anymore, because of this sense of dread that he could be doing something better with his time in case anything happened, and that keeps him distracted from being able to fully enjoy dancing, or painting

He also gets distracted way easier than he did before. His attention span is shorter than a molecule, and his mind is running with countless rapid fire thoughts. He’s been constantly caught not paying attention, and it’s tearing him apart. It’s the one thing that he’s tried to brute force his way to recovery instead of accepting and coping.

He struggles to fall asleep. His mind is still racing and the nightmares he has are extremely terrifying, so he just resorts to stimming & pacing when he can’t fall asleep. Eventually he’ll crash, but whether that will be during the night, or after an all nighter in the middle of a luckily unimportant mission isn't up to him. He still has yet to explain himself on that.

He gets overstimulated a lot more often now, and a lot easier too. The sound of gooey, oozy textures is enough to send him over, but being trapped or in a small space can also affect him, except for his shell. But he tries not to, because then he could be ambushed by anyone, and that makes his state while in the shell worse

He doesn’t try to hide his state, but he does put himself on the back burner if any of his other brothers need support. He’s looking into what they’re going through, and trying to find how to help. He just tries to adapt & work around his issues

-Donnie

He denies any hint of not being his usual self, but it only makes his behavior stand out more

He self isolates. Unless they have a mission to do, he stays in his room & lab, working on varied miscellaneous projects.

He avoids any and all things that could possibly connect back to the attack. He keeps his distance from the tower and the construction site, and refuses all discussion about what happened that night. It takes him a while to even enjoy the time he was a spaceship, just because of the memories tied to it

He’s extremely overprotective now, and obsessed with complete safety. His battle shell is constantly being tweaked and worked on, with better features and better protection, as well as all his other inventions. He takes his testing & training a lot more seriously now, so in case of anything he’s ready. He over-plans and overcompensates a lot.

He struggles to feel connected still to his family. He knows it’s most likely of his own volition, but he can’t help but feel like he’s completely drifting away from them, and from the world. Those bouts of derealization terrify him, and it just leaves him standing or sitting there for hours at a time sometimes.

Positivity doesn’t come easy to him. It never did, but now it was even harder to get a drop of serotonin from doing anything. It was easier to fall into despair, anger, fear; basically anything that wasn’t positive.

The nightmares and flashbacks won’t leave him alone. He can never really wake up from a nightmare until his alarm goes off, and sometimes they’re barely connected to the actual event. But the fear is very present, and even if he can’t remember what he dreamt about, he does remember the fear that’s still tearing him up from it. And snapping himself out of flashbacks isn’t hard once he realizes he’s having a flashback, but if he’s seeing Leo’s sacrifice again then he’ll tear up, and the moment when he had to expose his shell to the Krang ship still makes him nauseous

Speaking of shell, he never takes off his battle shell. He has separate ones to work on, but he never takes off his battle shell for anything, even sleep. He can’t risk being exposed again, or caught off guard with even a brush past it. Also the pressure & weight from it helps ground him during really bad moments

Any possible chance that he could be trapped somewhere sends him into a panicked frenzy to try and escape. Ever since the turtle tank he hates being stuck anywhere where he can’t escape, especially if there’s a risk of harm

The texture, sound, and mere sight of anything remotely gelatinous, gooey, or oozing is too much for him. Especially with touch, it just throws him back to where the spaceship consumed him. Even if it touches a single part of him, he can feel it crawling all over his skin & shell, including under his battle shell. It can take hours to get rid of that feeling, so just no.

He often ends up just sitting on his bed until he falls asleep, too tired to be awake but his mind still running wild, as he desperately tries to forget and be able to go back to normal.

-Raph

He’s extremely irritable, especially when it comes to mission plans being suddenly changed. He tries to focus his anger towards beating the villains, but if he lashes out he’s insanely guilty about it

If anything touches his face he will panic and rip it off, and he has sensory issues with slimy & sticky stuff too. If it feels like it could latch onto his skin, it’s getting thrown across the room

Training is a constant, mostly strength and endurance. He can’t risk his brothers’ lives being put on the line again, and this gives him an outlet to shove his built up rage, fear, and frustration into and punch away.

Don’t touch the cracks around his shell where the Krang hit him.

The nightmares are terrifying what-if scenarios that result in his brothers’ blood being on his hands. He often jolts himself awake from it all, so his sleep schedule is wack and he isn’t getting nearly as much as he used to.

He gets more nightmares than flashbacks, but his scars burn like when they were first made when he does get them. At best it’s temporary, and at worst the pain still lingers

He won’t openly talk about it unless asked, and he unintentionally masks. But he’s doing his best to cope, and stay strong for his brothers. So, slight repression but he’s trying his best <3

~~~~~~~

And there we are! If yall would change anything or add anything lmk! I like hearing other ideas a ton :)

Ty for reading! :D

[hertzwritings]

An Arrangement, chapter 19

A/N: Oh lord, we’re getting close to the end! Remember, you’re getting this chapter, then the canon ending and then the alternative ending – one is going to hurt more than the other one, I can promise you that. I’m also working on set of five drabbles for each ending, so we’re not fully done with this story yet!

I hope you’ll love it! Feedback feeds the soul and requests are always open – I’m depraved, so nothing is too out there for me (or sweet, angst, flangsty, smutty, lemony, whatever you want, babes!).

MASTERLIST

AN ARRANGEMENT MASTERLIST

ASK ME ANYTHING/REQUESTS

Pairing: Henry Cavill x reader

Warnings: (hopeful) angst, language

Wordcount: 2.287

Chapter 19: the only exception

July

Y/N

You rubbed your eyes sleepily, the faint glow of the rising sun flooding over your eyes; you opened your eyes slowly and gazed around your dark bedroom.

It had been a good dream, honestly. A dull ache left behind from it, but it had been good.

It was weird how you body and soul clearly didn’t want to forget Henry in any way – it was as if he was somehow in your very being, your nerves almost seeking him out in a way through your dreams. The misty vision of him was just constantly there. In your dreams, in the corner of your eyes, in the darkened corners of your rooms. It was both a comfort and a pain to constantly feel him.

Maybe you did it to yourself, you thought, as you swung your legs over the side of the bed, the large Henley falling to your knees. You probably would avoid the dreams and the reminder of him, if you didn’t sleep in one of his shirts, one that you had packed by accident. You just couldn’t get yourself to throw it away.

You stretched and walked to your small kitchen, trying to wake up slightly. You normally didn’t rise from bed at the same time as the sun, but since you were awake, you might as well just start the day with your coffee and go through the day with a general disdain for life. You were pretty good at doing the last part. You rubbed your eyes and groaned, your face against the cool counter as the steady drip of your slow coffeemaker filled the kitchen.

You couldn’t help but think the same thought, you’d been thinking for just about a month; maybe you shouldn’t have left. Your dream, where he had been holding you tightly, swaying in his living room with the soft sounds of Fly me to the moon in the background, had been a reoccurring one, and this time your brain had decided to add a little I love you as the moon loves the ocean to him. Which wasn’t great for your resolution. Maybe you should have stayed. He seemed so sincere, so broken at your refusal, it could’ve torn you in half. It almost did, clearly, because you were still considering going back. Your will to stay away had diminished a lot since you left – in all reality, you wanted to turn around he minute the car started driving, but you couldn’t. Not to yourself. It had been heartbreakingly painful to stay in the last weeks, and you knew you weren’t ever going to be the person, he wanted or needed. You were a normal person with normal interests and a normal college-debt, and you didn’t fit into the world, he belonged in. Besides that, you knew it wasn’t love, not really. Or, at least, you tried to convince yourself of that fact; nobody should or would fall in love that easily. It was more like Stockholm Syndrome. You stayed close to each other, spent every waking and sleeping minute together, and his world had drawn you in.

It was best to stay away.

Your coffee finished and you sat down, turning on your TV to watch some stupid morning segment to have some noise in the apartment as you sipped your burning coffee.

You almost choked on the liquid as Henry’s face appeared, a strained smile on his lips and dark circles under his eyes. He looked awful.

“Henry, it’s so good to have you back!” the female interviewer was annoyingly chipper. It wasn’t filmed live, you noted. “Likewise.” His voice made your cheeks burn and your heart jolt. How could his voice sound so lifeless? “So, The Witcher! How exciting, huh?” He nodded courtly and that strange, strained smile grazed his lips again. “Very much so. We’ve worked hard on it, and we’re excited to let everyone see it.” You set your cup on the table in front of you, eyes glued to him. He wasn’t well. Was he sleeping? Eating? He looked like a dead man walking, his eyes devoid of that glint of mischief, he normally had. “Indeed.” The interviewer cleared her throat and smiled sweetly at him. “How does your girlfriend feel about you being Geralt, the monster slayer? Is she excited, does she like the costume?” You saw him visibly recoil, like he had been whipped. Had he already found another one? One more, to pretend with him or to make him forget? “Er, I wouldn’t know. She’s not…” He trailed off. “Oh, is she not a fan?” The interviewer must be new on the job because nobody in their right mind would push further after that. His eyes were nothing but emptiness. “Me and Y/N aren’t together anymore.” His voice was sharp and cold, but there was an underlying feeling of hurt punctuating every word. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…” The interviewer had the decency to look ashamed. Your body was reacting to him, almost as if you could feel his pain. Maybe you could, because whatever was in his voice and lost in his eyes, was mirrored in you as well. You knew, because Lia had been so gracious to point out that you looked, in her words, like someone ate applesauce and had shat it out. Whatever came out, that was you. She didn’t understand what had gone wrong and she was clearly also not willing to understand. She kept pestering you with why, how, where instead of just letting you slowly lose your mind, which you found to be infinitely better.

“Me too.” His voice drew you back to reality, your eyes focused back on him as he fidgeted with his hands. “I thought you guys were engaged?” She asked and you groaned. Why the hell would she dig deeper into it? He nodded. “Yeah, well. Life goes in all directions, and me and her… I, er, yeah.” “You sound like there’s some unfinished business there.” She bated. He sighed. “Maybe. It’s not up to me and I’d rather not have this conversation.” He stated clearly, not leaving any room for her to continue; you sighed and fell back against the pillows of your couch.

It was the first time you’d seen his face since you left. It hurt. Like a rusty knife being stabbed slowly into you over and over and over again, leaving nothing but empty spaces and bleeding behind. You weren’t supposed to still care. At all.

You were supposed to forget him, leave and be done, but you couldn’t get away from him – your mind, your tv, even the way your own clothes smelled reminded you of him. Now, seeing him like this? A shell of what he used to be? You wanted to call him, tell him you changed your mind or to tell him to suck it up, because this wasn’t healthy. He was trying his best to kill himself slowly.

You groaned and almost had your hand on your phone when you stopped. It wouldn’t be better this way. You needed to let him get on, move on from you, and how much of a help would you be, if you called him up out of nowhere? You weren’t even sure he still had your number, much less wanted to talk to you. It would be best to… Not. You sighed and put your hand back in your lap, fingers itching, and you turned to attention to the TV again, which seemed an even worse idea. He was still on.

He looked crestfallen, his smile never reaching his eyes, and the way he stroked the back of his hand with his thumb made you gasp; it was the same move, you had done a few times to calm him down or show you were there. And here he was, doing it to himself.

You felt tears well up in your eyes, and you hated yourself for it. It wasn’t supposed to be this, so fucking hard and painful, and you shouldn’t see him like this. He was meant to go out and live his life, not remember you in a soft caress to the back of his hand. It was too much, and you felt nauseated, weak and like your face had gone numb.

You breathed deeply and closed your eyes. Visions of him swam through you, swallowing you completely – you could see him on the back of your eyelids, his strained, sad smile etched into your memory forever.

You knew you’d never get your heart back from him. It was there, safe, as dust settled and memories faded, and you relished in the pain of the thought. At least a part of you was with him, even though it would soon be forgotten and left somewhere, but for now, it was with him, remembered and loved, although it hurt you both.

As his voice sounded from the TV, you realized that you didn’t mind the hurt. It was welcomed, because it was a reprieve from the everlasting darkness that lingered constantly, and the way your body longedfor him made you feel alive. You’d spend your whole life loving him, even if that meant that you’d never take a full breath again. Pain was a reminder that love had existed and that you still existed.

We are born only to die, and somewhere in between, you managed to love someone so deeply, that you wanted the pain now, you embraced it as a tender caress from a lover. It meant remembering him and you could no longer convince yourself that it wasn’t love; it was too painful and lasting for it to be infatuation or lust, despite of your efforts to convince yourself of the opposite. It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you still can love them with every, little piece.

The day passed infinitely slow, the minutes dragging on as you went about doing your life. Laundry, dishes. Eat. Emails, work. Eat. Drink water, work, glance at the sun. Eat. Drink. Work. Your life had become snippets of a full story, puzzle pieces that needed to be completed in a certain way for it to make sense. You never did see the full picture anymore.

As the sun set behind the skyline, you sighed and sat down in your little reading-nook by the bay-window. You loved seeing the final streams of light find their way down to the concrete, lighting it up in a final attempt to bring life to an otherwise dull world before it disappeared completely. You sighed, clutching your worn version of The House of Mirth. It was a comforting read, despite the familiar themes of broken, unrequited love. Lily tells Lawrence once “You did love me for a moment, and it helped me. It has always helped me.” The statement rang true in your ears now. When you were younger, you didn’t understand it – if she loved him and he loved her, how and why couldn’t they hang up their issues and love? Now, it seemed like a retreading of the last few months of your life. In the midst of the pain, darkness, and stillness of your life after Henry, you felt comforted by the fact that he loved you. He had loved you, even just for a fraction of a moment, without reservations and without knowing you fully; he had loved you with the same sense of need as you had him, and although you could close your eyes and not see him, you could never close your heart to the things, you didn’t want to feel.

It wasn’t yours to close, anymore.

You tried reading, the same lines flashing in front of your eyes several times before you gave up; even Lily and Lawrence couldn’t distract you anymore. You groaned.

“Why do I do this to myself?” You whispered in a broken voice, closing your eyes and leaning back against the window frame. You missed him. It was that kind of missing that felt like your bones had turned brittle. You briefly wondered if life would have been better, if you could take back all the times you almost told him you loved him, or it would’ve been better to have actually saidit. Maybe it all would have hurt less if you had managed to tell him just once. There wouldn’t be as many what ifs.

As you moved to turn the lights off, before heading into bed, the sound of your doorbell rang. You frowned, not remembering either ordering food, things – although you’d been very close to ordering just about all of Amazon in hopes of feeling something else – or agreeing to company. Not that many visited, but Lia had an unfortunate way of showing up at all and any moments, especially when you were wallowing.

You walked cautiously to the door and looked through the small peek-hole in your door. You gasped loudly.

Henry stood outside, hair disheveled, Kal by his side and eyes full of memories.

ASK ME ANYTHING/REQUESTS

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[impyssadobsessions]

Wittle Jazz headcannon

Having trouble writing this chapter. Brain refuses to work with me so I'mma just type out a HC for Jazz. I think Jazz is a dreamer. Like she loved fairytales and being idea of being whisked away when she was younger, and even a bit as she grew older. Younger it was the thought of prince charming taking her away to live happily ever after, maybe during her early middle school days it was about a famous/rich person that she either had a crush on or idolized taking her away. And sometimes she would dream that her real parents show up on the door because of a mistake in the hospital. She always feel a bit guilty, because she loved her family. She just never quite felt like she belonged. So part of her adored the idea of someone whisking her away.. but the other part of her had realized fairytales are not full of happy endings. She would have to work hard to get anywhere, but she could still dream. Dream that her hardwork pay off and things will be smooth sailing from there.

Either way, she just longed to be somewhere she feel like she belonged. Where she didn't have to work hard to try and get her parents attention. Where she didn't have to worry about her little brother getting hurt because her parents got distracted again. Can see that's how she got into psychology, she was depressed, her parents obsession was driving her nuts, and she kept having reoccurring dreams of waking up with a different family. Like it started small, just her wanting to know what dreams meant. Then slowly getting fascinated more and more by the workings of the brain. And then learning about psychology. It suddenly became lifeline, a hope. She didn't have to dream about a new family, she could fix her family. So she excitedly showed her Parents, her findings. Going into a "fenton" rant because she was so excited.. only for her parents to just say their happy that she found something she's passionate in. They didn't even hear half of what she said, more so treating her finding as if its a badly drawn picture of a dog. Danny didn't seem thrilled either, though at least he didn't pretend to care. He was disinterested right away. Jazz was devastated at first. She found something that could fix their problems and yet they didn't seem to care. So she dived in more, realizing her mistake. Then slowly tried to learn more, thinking she could show them instead. Danny being her main target in her analyzing, which put more strain in their relationship. I can see her getting frustrated more and more when her parents refused to see and often just ignored what she said with a that's nice. It isn't until she realize Danny was phantom that the way she viewed psychology was wrong. It wasn't a fix. Which she knew that, but experiencing it was different. She couldn't make her parents see and she couldn't make Danny talk. More so she realized, she wasn't the only person in the family that didn't feel like they belonged. He needed a sister, not a therapist.. not yet. Support. She needed to rethink. And so I imagine as the years go on, she becomes more and more passive with therapy. Deciding to not be aggressive with it but still promote mental health. She looses her want to have a normal family, deciding to accept the one she got. Focusing on her brother's health. Also idk if I explain this well.. It sounded better when I was talking/thinking about it to myself.. and then I typed it and I loose all the points I thought of :T Anyways just one take I see in Jazz. Is that she wanted to escape but ends up accepting life instead. Doesn't mean she quits just she isn't going to let it effect her or distract from what she truly cares about/wants to do.

[bucky-hues]

bucky barnes fic recs

here are some bucky fics i loved reading!

many of these are 18+ and there are some dark fics in here, so please read the warnings for each fic! if any of the writers i’ve included want anything removed/edited, please let me know!

one shots

jack pendleton | @roger-that-cap

author!bucky x reader

moving into an apartment to get away from your last relationship was fun all fun and games until you met your extremely attractive across-the-hall neighbor, who makes awesome cookies and even better novels.

grip | @pellucid-constellations

bucky x reader

You knew Bucky didn’t like his arm. You just didn’t know how much until he accidentally hurt you with it.

voicemails to an unmanned inbox | @pellucid-constellations

bucky x reader

When Bucky takes an argument a little too far, you take off. All he wants is for you to come back home.

can’t get the words out | @pellucid-constellations

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky’s been awfully distant lately. You don’t think your heart can take what you know he’s about to say.

his everything | @likeahorribledream

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky has trouble talking about his feelings and he ends up pushing away the one person he needs the most.

eavesdrop | @bestofbucky

bucky x avenger!reader

things spies don't notice | @starrysebastians

bucky x avenger!reader

don't you worry (your pretty little head) | @babyboibucky

guitarist!bucky x reader

You agree to spend twelve hours with Bucky whom you just met.

suburbia | @wkemeup

bucky x avenger!reader

Posing as husband and wife, you and Bucky infiltrate a quaint suburban neighborhood in search of a Hydra hacker. Perhaps if you weren’t so in love with him and he hadn’t broken your heart, the act of pretending wouldn’t hurt so much.

sparklin' eyes | @19ana45

roommate!bucky x reader

Prompt: Character A’s current boyfriend/girlfriend/partner mocks Character B for their crush on their best friend, [A]. [B], feeling humiliated, withdraws from the friendship with [A], who is completely oblivious [B] has feelings for them.

reoccurring face | @swtbbybarnes

bucky x reader

he’s been around a lot lately, sometimes multiple times a day, and you’re starting to wonder how much coffee one man can actually drink.

falling for you | @comfortbucky

roommate!bucky

moving on | @bucky-bucket-barnes

bucky x reader

After Bucky had been missing for a year, you had presumed him dead. Time passed, yet you seemed unable to move on from his death. That was until a familiar face came to your doorstep one winter night.

bucky bitchass barnes to the rescue | @bucky-bucket-barnes

bucky x avenger!reader

In an attempt to escape from hectic life as an Avenger, you decided to go out on a date. Unfortunately, you got stood up. While Bucky hates you, he hates seeing you embarrassed more and decides to fill in for your M.I.A. date.

pansies, pain, and other things about bucky | @bucky-bucket-barnes

bucky x avenger!reader

You and Bucky are begrudgingly paired on a mission together. This is less than ideal considering neither of you are too keen on the other tagging along. All goes as normal until a surprise attack severely hurts both of you. Feeling incredibly guilty, Bucky helps you tend to your wounds. He has trouble admitting it, but he wants to make sure you’re safe.

the lost converse | @firefly-in-darkness

bucky x reader

Last nights party was a bit of a mad one, what do you do when you wake up in someone else’s bed?

nervous | @dailyreverie

bucky x reader

A nervous Bucky introduces you to his fellow Avengers during game night

fever | @dailyreverie

bucky x reader

a little old fashioned | @gogolucky13

bucky x reader

Bucky is a bit subtle in telling you he likes you.

sweetart | @onlyjamesbarnes

soft!bucky x baker!reader

your best friend bucky tries to stay platonic with you, letting you live out your dreams, but his instincts soon get the better of him.

the things you've done | @divine-mistake

bucky x reader

what if the world ended tomorrow and all he did was spend his last day with you thinking about how you never hold his metal hand and you never walk on his left side and you constantly reach out for his right arm?

do you still love me? | @thatfangirl42

bucky x reader

2:00am | @thatfangirl42

bucky x avenger!reader

miscommunications | @empyreanwritings

bucky x avenger!reader

cookies, kisses, and such | @sweetbucky

neighbour!bucky

pretending | @multifandomwriter

bucky x reader

Bucky notices you at a party and is instantly attracted to you. Steve instantly notices the lovestruck look in his eyes, but also his nerves that are stopping him from talking to you. So Steve plays on Bucky’s jealousy to get him to make a move.

good together | @irndad

bucky barnes x avenger!reader

bucky and his girlfriend are in secret, and they think they are absolutely perfect for each other. literally everyone else in the compound thinks bucky and nat are made for each other.

l-o-v-e | @irndad

college!bucky x reader

college!bucky meets reader in a library and it’s all downhill from there. He’s desperately in love and pining and it’s all ridiculous and he doesn’t think she could like him back.

tell me the truth | @bwhitewolfbarnes 

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky finds himself overhearing your conversation with his younger self, and he hates the way it makes him ache. He needs to know what is real.

the staring contest | @jobean12-blog

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky has a staring/glaring problem and you can’t figure out why!

lavender | @wkemeup

bucky x reader

Not every nightmare is the same and Bucky doesn’t always wake up as the man you know.

little lion man | @wkemeup

bucky x avenger!reader 

Sent on an assignment back to 1943, you encounter a drastically different version of the man you know

purgatory | @wkemeup

bucky x avenger!reader

While on a mission, Bucky becomes dissociated into the Winter Soldier. But instead of becoming a threat, his instinct is to protect.

i love you, you idiot | @chrisevansjellybeans 

bucky x reader

all the good things | @houseravenclaws 

bucky x avenger!reader

bucky’s been more than a little happy recently. sam thinks it has something to do with the pretty girl on the team.

tap | @houseravenclaws

bucky x avenger!reader

bucky never talked much. he fell in love anyway.

shaking | @clintbartonswife

bucky x avengers!reader

after you get injured on a mission, the usually stoic Bucky breaks, and you see a side to him that he’s kept hidden ever since his acceptance into the Avengers.

deserving | @hanoella 

bucky x healer!reader

When someone bad mouths Bucky in your presence, you set things straight.

keep me cool | @chouettedubois

bucky x avenger!reader

You and Bucky are on your third undercover mission acting as a couple. Things go awry when you fall ill. Cue caretaker!Bucky to the rescue.

on, off and repeat | @avasparks

neighbour!bucky x reader

i wished on the moon for you | @sunmoonandbucky 

bucky x reader

After losing Bucky, you were devastated. So when Howard Stark asks for volunteers for an experiment, you’re the first in line.

the hottest avenger | @watchmegetobsessed

bucky x avenger!reader

Being locked together with Sam and Bucky brings the worst out of you, picking on each other constantly. Following an arguement Bucky accidentally calls you his girlfriend in front of Sam when your relationship was supposed to be a secret.

hey daddy | @watchmegetobsessed

bucky x avenger!reader

You join Peter and his friends for a game of Truth Or Dare but you wish you stayed in your room when MJ challenges you to do a task that will definitely out your secret relationship with Bucky.

crash course | @watchmegetobsessed

bucky x reader

Bucky is a regular at the café where you work at and seeing him struggling with technology, you offer to help him, teaching him the basics while you are both thinking about taking it a little further than just a crash course.

little things | @watchmegetobsessed 

bucky x avenger!reader

missed chances | @soap-bubble-nebula 

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky is about to ask out the reader, but right before she could answer him her ex calls her up and she answers happily as she always wanted a second chance with said ex

truth or dare? | @soap-bubble-nebula 

bucky x avenger!reader

the experiment | @soap-bubble-nebula 

bucky x reader

make believe on christmas eve | @green-eyeddragonfanfiction 

bucky x reader

When your family insists you bring your [nonexistent] long-term boyfriend over for Christmas, you panic. You hadn’t expected to be put in this situation; you never thought you’d actually have to bring “him” over.

sick day | @nastybuckybarnes

bucky x avenger!reader

you tell a little white lie to escape Avenging for a day, and Bucky finds out. He’s hurt and upset, until he finds out your reason why.

spies and secrets | @barnesandco 

bucky x reader

Bucky buys a new jacket that is… uncharacteristically bright. Sam ribs him for it, and you- you don’t know what to do with yourself.

the bar rules | @buckyhoney (18+)

bartender!bucky x reader

the family lunch |  @buckyhoney​ (18+)

dad'sbestfriend!bucky x reader

forbidden fruit | @bucksfucks (18+)

dad'sbestfriend!bucky x reader

you attempt to set your ex’s things on fire. bucky has a better idea.

mr. brightside | @bucksfucks (18+)

ex'sdad!bucky x reader

the one where you fuck your ex's dad

left gasping for air | @bucksfucks (18+)

bucky x reader

doused with sex pollen, you & bucky are met with a difficult decision.

love me harder | @celestialbarnes (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

you and bucky have been flirting and screwing around for months now, after seeing him getting frisky with someone else, you decide to do the same and bucky’s just about had enough.

sweeter than sugar | @angrythingstarlight (18+)

chubbybaker!bucky x reader

look my way | @sableseb (18+)

neighbour!bucky x reader

boyfriend upgrade | @multifandomwriter (18+)

roommate!bucky x reader

You have always been close with your roommate, Bucky, but tensions start to rise when your boyfriend begins to stay over at your apartment. You feel like you’re drifting apart until Bucky accidentally sees you almost naked.

lure | @bccky (18+) dark

bucky x reader

it’s all about the perfect lure

plan | @sergeantxrogers (18+)

bucky x reader

“I was supposed to forget about you, and you were supposed to forget about me, but damn it if I could ever forget about you because since the day I saw you, you never left my mind and you were all I thought about,” he rambled, focusing on anything his eyes could land on that wasn’t you. “You’re… you’re still all I think about,” he whispered, voice tired and beaten, like the very sentence had been waiting in his throat for years just to get a chance to come out into the open.

play pretend | @wkemeup (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

When Bucky is injected with a substance that leaves him desperate for release, you offer your help.

you’re mine | @marveicinematics (18+)

bucky x reader

Having a secret relationship with a man as insecure and complex as James Buchanan Barnes may not have been the best idea you had, but one thing was certain: you knew how to make him feel better about the things that bothered him.

white lies and truth serum | @mariessecretfantasies (18+) dark

dark!bucky x avenger!reader

You and Bucky share a dance, a few too many drinks, and a night in bed together. Unfortunately, he neglects to tell you that he can’t get drunk.

bitter fruit | @divine-mistake (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

“The mission was already a success!” you say and you can feel tears burning the back of your eyes. You will yourself to blink them back. “You had the files, the base was set to detonate, I don’t understand why you didn’t just stay on the fucking jet.”

“Because you were going to die.”

always here | @simsadventures (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

You have an obvious crush on Bucky, and kind of hope he feels the same. But when you overhear agents talking about you, and then even Bucky, you realise there is no hope for you. At least you think there isn’t.

your captain | @onlyjamesbarnes (18+)

dark!bucky x reader, husband!steve x reader

a perfect anniversary night gets interrupted by his best friend, who happens to be your boss.

series/multi-chap

graveyard , sacrifice | @wkemeup

bucky x healer!reader

As the unofficial healer for the Avengers, you pride yourself on the ability to mend heroes with the touch of your hand. Only, your gift comes at a heavy price — one you keep secret from your friends —and when Bucky asks you to do the impossible, they’ll discover why your gift is called a sacrifice, too.

sunrise | @wkemeup​ (18+)

veteran!bucky x librarian!reader

After an explosion takes his arm and his only sense of belonging, Bucky is discharged from active duty and sent back to civilian life. Left with a storm of unchecked guilt, Bucky is content to live out the rest of his days in the hollow comfort of the dark. This is, until Sam drags him down to the local VA and he meets you.

TiMER | @xbuchananbarnes (ongoing) (18+)

bartender!bucky x reader (soulmate au)

“If a clock could count down to the exact moment you’ll meet your soulmate, would you want to know?”

the match | @babyboibucky (ongoing) (18+)

ceo!bucky x reader

You come across your boss’ Tinder profile.

the holiday hack | @gogolucky13 

bucky x reader (modern au)

You ask Bucky to be your stand-in boyfriend for your family’s Christmas party.

sexual healing , medicine | @gogolucky13 (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

You ask a touch-starved Bucky if he wants to try something new in an attempt to take your minds off work.

vacant mirrors | @whirlybirbs (18+)

bucky x reader

shit's been rough. shit was rough even before the blip. dr. hart shares an office with dr. raynor, and you share with waiting room with bucky barnes. set before tfatws; a friends-to-lovers, slowburn, eventual smut.

salvatore | @nsfwsebbie (18+) dark

dark!bucky x reader

Bucky Barnes doesn’t believe in love anymore. Especially after the tragic, unknown death of his wife, Natasha. He thinks it’s stupid and a waste of time and- oh my. Hello there, you. There you were, with your notebooks and your novels, writing your heart away. He’s hellbent on saving you from this nasty world, his elusive neighbor that has him under the stupid spell of love. You soon find yourself trapped in a tragic love story with Bluebeard, not Prince Charming.

polyonymous | @bubblebuckys

bucky x reader (social media au)

You met James on Twitter three months ago, and you’ve talked everyday since. You really like him, and you don’t think you’ve met anyone like him. That is, until the fateful night that brings the Avengers to you. You meet Bucky Barnes, and then you’re stuck choosing between two guys so alike you find yourself asking why they couldn’t be the same person.

going live , offline | @ritesofreverie (18+)

camboy!bucky x reader

your new neighbour looks so familiar, where had you seen him before?

heavy metal lover | @mypoisonedvine (ongoing) (18+)

sub!bucky x dominatrix!reader

working as a dominatrix is never exactly easy, but a new client brings challenges you never expected.

fake boyfriend real orgasms | @bucksfucks (ongoing) (18+)

roommate!bucky x reader

when bucky needs a date to sam’s wedding, he makes a deal with you. when it starts to turn into something a little more real, you realize how deep you’re in.

almost had me believing it | @tuiccim (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

An undercover operation playing Bucky Barnes’ wife is a dream come true. Playing house in the suburbs while trying to take down a drug ring brings you and Bucky closer but a nosy neighbor causes trouble in paradise.

it's brooklyn, baby | @my-divine-death (ongoing) (18+)

college!bucky x reader

hush 1 2 | @starbuckie (ongoing)

bucky x reader

in quiet corners and selfish moments, y/n and bucky have kept their relationship a secret, one love that was pure and untouched by the darkness that surrounded them. but after bucky is able to walk the streets a free man once again, will their love be able to survive?

misconceptions | @firefly-in-darkness (18+)

bucky x avenger!reader

Bucky Barnes overhears a conversation that he shouldn’t have…

what a night | @jurassicbarnes

bucky x reader

Bucky Barnes is out in the new world, navigating through everyday life and it’s trials and tribulations. His therapist insists he tries new things. He has collected a few new hobbies. But when it comes to making new acquaintances, what’s a better way to meet new people than a little dating site called Tinder.

hey, professor | @balenciagabucky (ongoing) (18+) dark

professor!bucky x reader

professor barnes always had his eye on you, you noticed it, your girlfriend noticed it, even his friends and after one raunchy photo sent to him, a joke, nothing more, in his world you become more than just a student

missing piece 1 2 3 4 | @likeahorribledream

bucky x avenger!reader

seeing red | @mypoisonedvine (18+)

bodyguard!bucky x actress!reader

bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself.  except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

flight risk , no control | @wkemeup

bucky barnes x avenger!reader

Bucky becomes a flight risk after a failed mission and is put in lockup under Steve’s orders. Even though Bucky won’t say a word of what happened, you camp outside the door to his cell so he knows he isn’t alone.

bad match | @justreadingfics (18+)

bucky x reader

Bucky and the Reader are set up on a date, but things don’t go as well as expected.  

unbroken | @constantwriter85 (18+)

bucky x hacker!reader

Bucky isn’t happy about being paired with a snarky, untested hacker on a stealth mission to infiltrate Hammer Industries. But when the mission spirals out of control and they’re both captured, he finds out just how much heart his hacker has–and how far she’s willing to go to protect the lives of others.

if i only had a heart 1 2 | @chouettedubois​ (18+)

bucky x reader

Team Cap is back at the compound after being pardoned. Bucky is suffering from the shoddy work HYDRA did with his prosthetic. Tony brings reader in to fix it—and maybe help him find his heart in the process.

text me | @soap-bubble-nebula​ 

bucky x reader

Tony and the other’s are off on a mission, and it’s up to you to help Bucky get comfortable and assimilate into normal life. He texts you because Tony told him he could.