#it doesn't look really good put together but in ps it seemed okay to me

[fydramas]

—Edgar Cayce  

happy birthday to my favorite person in the world, my queen, my soulmate @kimporchay ♡​

[thatdammchickennugget]

Heyyy, I hope you have a wholesome day 💖 I'm sending this ask for the event you're organizing. Congratulations for your milestone!!!

Here is the description of myself:

I am a Romanian girl that grew up in both Canada and Romania. I am fluent in romanian, french and english.

I have hazel eyes (brown (in the middle) and green (at the exterior)), long brown hair that sometimes has natural reddish reflections in the sunlight and I am what I would consider a standard height, between 1.66m and 1.68m ( I don't know the measurements in foots 😅).

I love to read, to listen to music, paint, watch movies in fantasy settings, go to museums or exhibitions (mostly art exhibitions), astronomy, talk deep conversations about the universe(s) or life itself, learn about ancient civilizations (litteraly what I'm studying), know about different types/style of paintings and travel.

I am a daydreamer and creative person.

I never did the Harry Potter house quizz, but my friends and I see myself belonging in Gryffindor.

My style ( if I could buy everything I envision and want, but I can't unfortunately because of taxes, time that I have for myself and little pocket money I presently have ( being a student today in a middle class family)) would be a mixed depending on the occasion or the way I'm feeling I am a coquette, light royal core and old money girlie.

I do have gold jewelry and love it. I also have some kind of sport outdoor outfits because I also like being in the middle of the action, explore and do some little sportive things.

In the future , I would love to relearn the piano, learn to play the harp, write songs and movie scripts (even act in some of the ones I created), write fantasy-romance books, skydive, have a successful business, discover old infrastructures from antiquity and find ways to preserve/protect the fauna of the Amazonian forest, Romanian forests and others.

Wow, I just looked back and saw how long the description was... Hope it's okay :)

I cannot decide between two characters and tropes, you can choose if you want to do one of them or both of them. It's up to you 💖

Mattheo Riddle with the trope of: Rivals to secret friends to "I fancy you but it is forbidden" to lovers

Or

Ominis Gaunt with "I tolerate you because of my best friend but don't really like you"/forced proximity, I guess to gumpy-sunshine (maybe only in the beginning when Ominis still thinks he doesn't really like her) to "I don't know why I feel this way around you and I never realised we had so many things in common" to friends (but both of them have feelings for the other, yet they think it's only one sided(poor Sebastian, he'll be so frustrated 😭)) to lovers

If you decide to do one of these or both or even if you only read it, thank you so much!!! Sending you love and good vibes ❤️✨

The fact that I love both of these characters who have a reputation, a bad life at home and are touch starved, and love so many characters with these in common like Sirius Black or Regulus Black, makes me question myself.

-Selenophile 🌌🌙✨

Ps: Congratulations again!!!

Thank you lovie!! And don't worry, the more you guys put into you descriptions the more I have to work with 💕💕

Hogwarts Legacy Era; Romantic Match-Up: Ominis Gaunt

ominis and you were like oil and water when you first met. with your vibrant personality and love for adventure clashing with his reserved demeanor and aloofness, you found yourselves constantly at odds, exchanging snide remarks and wary glances whenever you were forced into each other's company.

despite your initial animosity towards each other, fate had other plans. your best friend, sebastian, seemed to be determined to bring you two together, constantly orchestrating situations that forced you into each other's orbit. whether it was group outings or study sessions, you couldn't seem to escape ominis's presence.

at first, you both tolerated each other begrudgingly, but you found his standoffish attitude irritating and his constant brooding a drain on your energy. but as time passed and you were forced to spend more time together, you began to see glimpses of a different side to ominis, a side that intrigued you despite your best efforts to resist it.

one night, when you were taking a break from studying in the undergroft, you found yourselves discussing ancient civilizations and lost civilizations, you realized that you shared a common passion for history and exploration. even with your differences, you discovered that you had more in common than you had ever imagined.

as your friendship with ominis deepened, much to sebastians delight and your own confusion, you found yourself drawn to him in ways you couldn't explain. his quiet strength and unwavering loyalty touched something deep within you, igniting a spark of attraction that you had never felt before.

yet, both of you were hesitant to acknowledge your feelings, convinced that they were one-sided and doomed to go unrequited. little did you know, ominis was grappling with his own emotions, struggling to come to terms with the fact that he had fallen for someone he had once dismissed as nothing more than an annoyance.

and as you stood on the precipice of something more, unsure of what the future held, you couldn't help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for you and ominis to find happiness together, despite the odds stacked against you.

Song: War Of Hearts by Ruelle

Golden Trio Era; Romantic Match-Up: Mattheo Riddle

mattheo and you were destined to clash from the moment you first crossed paths. with your opposing personalities and conflicting interests, you found yourselves locked in a silent battle for dominance, exchanging sharp remarks and challenging each other at every turn.

despite your rivalry, there was an undeniable curiosity that sparked between you, fueled by the mystery that surrounded mattheo and your own enigmatic charm. beneath the surface, you sensed a connection that defied logic and reason, drawing you together like magnets.

it was during one fateful encounter in the library that your dynamic began to shift. as you found yourselves reluctantly working together on a group project, you discovered unexpected common ground and shared interests, your animosity giving way to a tentative truce.

through late-night study sessions and stolen moments of camaraderie, mattheo and you began to forge a bond that transcended your rivalry. you found yourselves confiding in each other, sharing your hopes, dreams, and fears in whispered conversations that echoed through the empty halls.

yet, your newfound truce was not without its challenges. as you navigated the complexities of your forbidden connection, you were forced to keep your growing affection hidden from prying eyes, lest you face the consequences of defying the expectations placed upon you.

mattheo and you found solace in each other's presence, your clandestine meetings becoming the highlight of your days. you stole moments of stolen kisses and lingering touches, each one a testament to the depth of your love for one another.

and as you stood on the precipice of uncertainty, with the weight of your forbidden love pressing down upon you, mattheo and you knew that you would face whatever challenges lay ahead together, united by a love that defied all odds.

Song: Infinity by Jaymes Young

[mywritingonlyfans]

Angst fic with Damiano David

prompt: a angsty about reader being sad (dami bff) 'cause damiano doesn't feel the same way romantically. ps. there's a lot of victoria de angelis being a angel in this fic, and it's basically about reader going through it.

warnings: none? it's just a bit sad and longer than usual.

 All the soft touches still tingled all over your body. His scent was until now stuck to you, you never thought you’d feel happy to have woody essence along with cigarette smoke on you. 

 Folding the sleeve of his sweater, you put your tea in one of the cups you always use when you were there. His cotton piece was comfortable, making you didn't regret wearing it in the morning; it was cold and wearing your tank top from the night before didn't feel right. The shorts from yesterday, that were making your legs freeze were enough trouble for you to handle. The remnants of your clothes and belongings were collected from the floor of his room and placed carefully on his headboard, you made sure you were being quiet. Damiano has always been a heavy sleeper, but your counscious prevented you from risking disturbing him when he looks so peaceful. You had already spent much time at his place so you memorized where every thing in his kitchen - and others rooms - was; baking eggs and making tea wasn’t a mystery for you. You had even separated a Tylenol tablet for Damiano, so he could have it with his tea when he woke up with a wicked hangover. He wasn't the type to get drunk and forget what he did, nor were you. Since when you were teenagers, you have gone out and been drunk together a lot of times, and although your feelings were already present, nothing never happened. This time, however, alcohol helped injecting a dose of courage on him. Being honest with yourself, you didn't remember who started it; but the kiss in the midst of the loud music, his hand on the back of your neck, the exchanging glances while dancing and the moment he took you home, they were pretty vividly in your mind. You still felt relaxed, as if his sweaty body was still over yours. Minutes with your eyes closed was enough to feel his eyes roaming your body all over again.

“Hi,” he said in a slurred voice, cutting off your line of thoughts. You jumped, briefly scared but soon turned your attention to reality; a tired Damiano scratching his eyes in front of you.

He was dressed, wearing sweatpants and sweatshirt, duly comfortable according to the weather. 

 “Headache?” You knew he was. He was always a good drinker, he put up with it a lot, but he was never one to get rid of the effects of alcohol on the next day. You, on the other hand, got on better with this issue; fortunately from the night before, only the good moments remained with you.

“Yeah, a bit,” he giggled. “What a night, I’d say.” He added, in a lower tone. What was acceptable, you also felt a bit weird to be in front of him.

“I got you some pills,” you pointed it out to him on the counter, trying to maintain a normal behavior; with no shacking voice or sweaty hands. Quite impossible. “I made tea too.”

“Dear God, you’re a life saver!” He smiled at you, eyes crinkled and all of his perfect teeth on display. Contagious.

You grinned, feeling your body getting lighter. “No worries. I’m glad to help.”

“Y’know, when I woke up and saw that you weren't there I thought you were gone. You know? Friendship destroyed and that whole thing. I’m happy to see you; relieved.” He took a sip of his tea, and maybe a bit of your heart with it. You were an explosion of feeling when it comes to him, you always have been. “That sweater looks good on you, you can keep it if you want. You know that’s my fave one.” And, yeah, you knew.

The tension on you was no longer intense, comforting you to let out the breath you were holding. “It’s good to hear that,” Your genuine smile managed to say many things, you wished Damiano had noticed you earlier on other occasions. “Do you remember that one time, when we were younger, that you were a bit crazy about a girl; Alice was his name.” You stopped; in need of air - nervous - and watched Dami's attentive face. “She was the first person to whom you dedicated a song, you played it to her at school break. The cutest thing I had ever seen. I think it was there that I realized, a little jealous—“

“Y/N,” his voice had been almost inaudible, causing no effect. Had he really tried?

“How in love I was with you.”

His face was paler than usual, he was paralyzed; speechless. You had never seen Damiano like this, the men was always all over the place in a sweet talkative mess.

It took a few minutes for you to be able to read his expressions and realize how fucked up you were. The dose of happiness in your blood had been able to manipulate you to believe in what you most wanted to happen.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” your blood had gone up to your ears, all you could pay attention to was the pressure in your head. How had you thought that after one specific night he would suddenly decide that he was in love with you? After all of this time that you were just a good friend for him? “I’m truly sorry but I’m don’t—“

“Feel the same way?” You finished. He nodded, apprehensively. You have never felt so stupid. It was a mixture of shame, fear and insecurity. You were unable to look directly at him, you knew that there was no change in following a friendship after what you just said, much less after the night before. You had never been so screwed.

“I’m the one who should be apologizing, I shouldn’t have said a thing.” You whispered, realizing that the lump in your throat had turned into tears that you didn't even know were running down your face.

“Come here,” he opened his arms, walking towards your emotionless frame. You allowed yourself to melt in his grip. 

 Your tears fell freely; you could even try to hold it back but there was no strength left for you to think about it. Your crying was silent, as was the kitchen room. Your head was full of questions and cursing at yourself. Suddenly you wished Damiano had yelled at you, asked you to get out of there or said he wouldn't never speak to you again. It seemed easier to deal with it in this alternative way than to have him comforting you for loving him. “Shh, it’ll alright. I could never be mad at you.”

He talked about your friendship, but you knew that nothing would end up well. Maybe for him. But for you? It’d not be that easy. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should have known better, you were so loving with me last night that I thought— Fuck, we slept together. Which I know isn’t your fault because I don’t even remember who—“

“Stop, Y/N. Look at me,” He was being careful. You were making a person like Damiano calculate his words, that made you feel like pure shit. You stopped talking, looking at him was still difficult. He understood that you wouldn’t be doing so. “That’s fine. I don’t feel bad about you liking me in that way, you’re wonderful. I don't regret anything, last night was great, but I just... don't feel the same. I’d never do anything to hurt you. I can't even imagine how hard it’s being for you right now.” His words sounded sweet and sincere. He had tears in his eyes as well. His ability to be so empathetic to everyone was something you loved the most about him. He was probably killing himself on the inside for breaking you.

You nodded, leaning on the counter. You wanted to ask him if he remembered that he was your first kiss at the age of seven or all the times he sent you vinyl records with some message - that he had written himself - inside the cover. How did he not feel the same, shouldn't you be everything he wanted?

“Dami?” You sighed. Your eyes were red, your face probably swollen. You then looked straight at him; that surprisingly wasn’t much better than you. “Have you ever looked at me and seen me in another way? Something more than just your best friend?”

He didn’t say a thing, just look at you standing there. You get it.

“I think I should go,” You broke the silence that had been formed. You thought about taking his sweater off, but since you weren't wearing anything underneath, you thought it was better not; you’d have to go to his room to change, and then pick up your things only to delay your leaving.

“I can drive you home,” he said in a hush, looking for his car keys.

“It’s okay, a walk will be fine.”

“It’s fucking freezing outside, I can't let you walk over there like that.”

You ignored what he said, walking around the house to the front exit. He tried to grab your arm just for you to step back.

“I know you're just trying to help, but I need to be alone right now, without you near me.” You tried to say it in the most normal way possible, you didn't want to be mean, you only wanted to be fair to yourself.

“Sure.” It was the last thing you heard him say before you left, feeling the cold wind on your body. You didn't know if he had entered his house again or if he was watching you hug yourself as walking slowly to somewhere. You wouldn't dare to look back.

--------------------------------------------------------

“C’mon girl, get up here,” Upon hearing the husky, strong voice, you were relieved. 

 Victoria wasn’t wearing her usual jewelry and looked like she had just been woken up by force. You weren’t as close to her as you were with the other boys, however, you had never been so happy to see her.

You got in her car. “Thank you,”

“God, you look terrible. You’re fine?” You looked at your reflection in the rearview mirror and well, fine was definitely something you didn't look like.

“Dami asked you to come and get me?” Your throat was scratching, it was difficult to speak.

“Yeah,” she looked at you quickly, but due to your discomfort she backed off. More tears would come. “He didn't say why though, he just said he needed someone to come to you before you froze to death.” She said it in a way that made you laugh, even with your eyes filled with tears. “Did the two of you have a disagreement? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to.”

“Something similar.” You said shakily; due to your crying and chilly. Inside the car was heated, but your body was so cold that it didn't seem to be enough. You tried to snuggle in the passenger seat, letting your head rest against the window like in a sad film. Maybe that’d help.

“Here,” she handed you a coat, without hesitation you took it. “I brought it to you in case you needed it.”

You nodded slowly. “Thank you, Victoria,”

“You can call me Vic, just like everyone else,” she laughed.

You gave her a half smile. “Okay then, thank you very much, Vic,”

The rest of the day would be crying while you curled up in your bed, you’d let yourself feel at your worst; promising that you would try and change that the next day.

———----------------------------------------------

You expected the first few days to be the hardest, but it seemed to get worse with each passing day. Damiano had tried to call you a few times and in all of them you responded dryly, using short words, pretending it’d be okay. You truly tried, but you needed time to process what happened. You told him that, and then time he gave you.

After completing a month of the incident, you noticed how 'dependent' you had become on him. He was always around since you were kids, any problem you had you would look for him to talk to, now you felt like you had nothing. Your friends were friends of his, too, more of his friends than yours. You missed having Thomas failing on teaching you how to play guitar on your couch and besides you thought about calling him - just to distract yourself - you remembered that he was more a friend of Damiano than yours. It’d be weird. None of them contacted you at that time, not even Thomas. You couldn't figure it out if Dami had told them what happened and they decided to give you space or if they just didn't care about you when you wasn’t around Damiano.

Basically, where Dami was you would be and vice versa. It had always been like that.

When you saw that just time wasn’t solving anything, you programmed yourself to live in a way that you were busy all the time. Your routine became work, home and most of the time taking the work to be done also in your home. You didn't feel energized to make new friends, and going out on dates could help momentarily but it wouldn't be fair to go out with someone in the ‘mood’ you were in; then these ideas were soon discarded. Sleeping was impossible, you spent hours rolling over in bed; both for the flashbacks that plagued your mind, but also for the fact that you missed him. The nights were worse when you visit your mother or when she called and said, "Dami never came to see me again." or something like. “Are you still talking to each other? We don't let someone like Damiano leave our lives.”

Deep down, you knew there was no way you could be in love with him forever and that no matter how much it hurt at that moment it would pass. You started to repeat it to yourself as much as you could, so when the boys got in touch with you again you didn't hesitate to answer. Nothing bad would happen, you just need to pretend to be fine. The first to send you a message was Thomas, with simple questions, he acted like nothing had happened, you liked it. Even though it was obvious that Thomas, as one of his boys, would know this in more detail than you did (which was a lie, but at least he knew how Damiano was feeling about it, which you wouldn't know). He updated you about Dami, who was great as always, and you said you were doing well when he asked. You answering him made Ethan talk to you too, although they were all polite and delicate, they seemed more to be sorry than to miss you. Pity wasn’t something you were expecting.

After five months, you still felt like crap. You had tried to stop counting the days that had passed since you last saw Damiano, but it was almost impossible. You could still remember that night vividly, but you were still trying your best to move on; leave it behind. Mysteriously, you wanted to see him, see how he was doing and find out if he had anything else to say but you were afraid to see him, go back to your place as his best friend just to realize that your feelings for him had not abated at all.

“...I haven't seen you in a while. I wonder if you're alright,” you heard when answering your phone. Your head hurt, your eyes stung. You had slept on spreadsheets that you brought home from your work.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Shit,” she murmured.

You looked at the phone screen. “Sorry Vic, I just woke up I'm still trying to copy.” You laughed to calm her down.

“I thought I didn't have my number,” her voice became softer, as if she was relieved that you had saved it. “I didn't want to wake you up, I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to know how you‘re doing, since I used to see you almost every day, y’know?”

You thought about saying that you saved her number the day Dami called to pick him up at a bar since his phone battery was dead and he was in no condition to drive, but Victoria clearly knew that. “Is Dami with you?”

“No,” her tone matched yours; Dami had told her, now she was being careful with her words. “I saved your number the day Dami needed to call you, in case I needed to call you again.”

“That’s alright, thanks for checking on me then.”

“But he would love to talk to you. He always asks the boys about you or comments on you so that someone can bring you up to the convo. He seems a bit lost when you not ‘round to be honest.”

Somehow hearing that made you happy. Still, the image of discomfort whenever you thought of talking to him scared you. The phone line was filled with silence, until Victoria's husky voice filled the line.

“Anyway, I didn't call you to talk about Damiano. We finally finished the album and decided to have a small celebration at my house,” you giggle at the formality. “We thought you should go, since you were present in more than half of the process. I‘d like you to come. We’d all like you to come.”

———

Your heart accelerated with each step you took as you entered Victoria's house. The rooms had a glow of being calm and the music that was playing helped to make the place cozy. The instrumental of the band reminded you of Fleetwood Mac, and for the little that you knew Vic you would say that the type of sound reminded you of her. 

 Her house wasn’t crowded, there were only a few people around; some you’ve seen before, some you haven’t. You thundered your fingers over some vinyl that were arranged in a corner, pretending to read them. You were looking for familiar faces, honestly even for Damiano, but for some unknown reason you didn't want to make that obvious. Your eyes captured Thomas talking to some girls, and soon you felt relieved to be dressed according to the occasion; or at least according to the girls who were close to Thomas. It didn't take long until he noticed you standing there, you waved and he came to you. He looked surprised, still he didn't wait for you to say anything else, just wrapped you in his arms so tight you had to ask him to let go in between muffled laughter.

“Vic working miracles! Come, I'll take you to the others.” He said in his cute form, holding your hand as guiding you through the house. “So, how's our best girl?”

Your lips parted in a smile. “I’m alright, pretty much the same to be honest,” there was no time for him to ask another question because you soon spotted Ethan and Victoria with their beers in hands. They seemed to be shocked to see you as well; and it was starting to irritate you for reasons you couldn't explain. Thomas put you behind him, hiding you from the two of them as if they hadn't seen you already. He was being such a sweetheart that he had even managed to soften the anxious butterflies in your stomach; but not enough to keep your mind free of worries and Damiano David. Thomas made a funny noise with his hands as Ethan ignored his attempt to be amusing, pulling you into a hug. Who would have thought you would have missed them so much.

“How long without seeing you, I force you not to do that again. Without you we are just another disorganized mess.” You laughed at his nonsense. Your smile was sincere, like it hadn't been for months, still you were forcing yourself a bit more to appear to be actually 'fine'. You’d like to know if they noticed, even though you were appreciating that they didn’t.

“No worries, I‘m not planning on leaving you guys alone.”

 Ethan and Thomas started to discuss about something, Ethan was already under the effect of alcohol, and from time to time they asked for your opinion on how Victoria had been strangely quiet. Atypical of her, but she didn't seem to be out of place or uncomfortable, just quiet.

“Did a cat eat the tongue of my newest attractive friend?”

“Not this time,” she showed you her tongue, and then smirked. Her eyes shone in differently way under your gaze and her make up was making her look more mature. “Are you feelin’ good? Thank you for coming.” Victoria was happy to see you, you could feel that. She might be curious, but pity wasn’t something possible to see in her; different from the other boys. “You must be tired of hearing that question, I'm sorry. It‘ll no longer be asked.”

Her voice was soft, comfortable to hear. “I appreciate that. I really have heard a lot of that, but despite everything, I feel good ‘bout bein’ here.”

“I feel even happier that you came then,” she put her hand gently on your waist. The other two didn't even remember you and Vic were there. “Let's get you something to drink, we bought that red drink Damiano always says you love.”

“No way, it’s bishop cocktail?” You looked at her, a big grin on your face, even though you remembered that this was the drink you were drinking when the universe decided it would be a good idea for you and Dami to have a one-night stand. Just a lovely reminder. “Have you mixed everything up? like the rum with the red wine? or with red drink you just want to say you bought wine?” You asked, ignoring your internal conflicts. Everything would be fine, you ket repeating to yourself.

“In fact, I remember once hearing you comment you didn't mind it being mixed up in a random bottle.”

She pulled a glass bottle out of a bucket full of ice and you couldn't believe she remembered that; given that you could count on your fingers the times that you had actually spoken to her. You didn’t avoid each other, just didn’t have much of the opportunities.

“Oh my god, that’s so fuckin’ lovely.” You whispered. She was quick to pick up a glass and hand it to you, filling it with the so well remembered liquid. You took a sip, and the taste - or alcohol - made your butterflies calmer. “Thanks for that, tastes like heaven.” She took a glass for herself, by her expression she thought it was a waste of rum. “C’mon, it’s not that bad.”

“If you think so, who am I to deny.”

“Don’t be a bummer,” you bumped your shoulder with hers, eliciting a cute sound from her that made you laugh as well.

You wish that sensation had lasted longer, even so when a random girl approached you to ask something, you felt heavy; like a sign. Her hair was golden in perfect waves and her face was angelic in an almost divine way. You might have been overreacting, but she was the type to catch all the attention to herself.

“You’re Y/N, right? I was startin’ to think that I’d never get to know you.” She hugged you tight and you wondered if she really didn't know you. When she released you, you felt your heart breaking right there in front of her. She was wearing Dami's sweater; the same one from that night, the same one that you wore. You wanted to be wrong, but you’d know that sweater from a distance even after years. “He talks so much about you. Can you believe we never met?” She asked, alternating her gaze between you and Victoria. She had been silent, you had forgotten that she was still there. Your head was miles away in thoughts, making you dizzy.

“Hi, Bella,” Victoria said. You remembered that name. Damiano talked about her on a few occasions, anyways he didn't seem to be in love - or you just didn’t want to see that. Maybe you haven’t been able to read him due to your stupid passion. “How’s everything?”

She started talking to Victoria and you couldn't concentrate on listening; all the alcohol in the world would not ease what you were feeling. How long have they been together? What was so special about her that Damiano gives her his favorite sweater? Were they together when you slept together? How did she end up with the same sweater you slept in that day?

She held the cup that was in your hands and handed it to Victoria. “Are you okay, hon’? You look a lil’ unwell. Do you want me to get you some water?”

“No need, I’m alright,” she patted your arm, and then checked your temperature. She was being nice, yet you couldn't pretend to be interested in being there anymore.

Thankfully, Victoria put an arm around your shoulders, asking if you want to join her to have a smoke. “It’ll be good, fresh air will do good to you.”

You agreed. Bella was worried and you felt bad about having to run away from her. She looked like an incredible person, sure Damiano was lucky to have her, that was just too much for you.

“Do this, you will feel better. We can talk later and so you can tell me everything about you and Dami, I’d love to hear you, since you’ve known each other for so long.” You looked for some irony in her voice, but you didn't found it. She was interested in you; after all, you were her boyfriend's best friend. It made sense.

Victoria guided you to the balcony, or at least halfway to it. Midway, someone stopped to talk to her, she tried to dismiss the person, however, as it was a thing related to the album, she would have no way out. “Victoria, it’s fine, I need some time alone.” You whispered to her, patting on her arm. She looked at you reluctantly, but understand. There wouldn't be much she could do for you.

Entering the balcony you felt an absurd urge to cry, your eyes itched and your legs were trembling. Was being in love meant to hurt this much, or was it just a game of chance?

You tried to take a deep breath, ease your heartbeats, telling yourself it was okay. You just needed to calm down. You leaned your body against the wall and watched the place. The plants near the fence - which you didn't know how Victoria had time to take care of them - the streets, and then the sky. Starry and moist, made for good memories that wouldn't come to you. When you felt ready enough to go out and face the party again, you ran into the one you were trying to avoid, Dami. Minutes ago you were anxious with the possibility to see him to know how he was, now you just wanted to run away and wipe these last months out of your mind.

“Y/N,” his body collided with yours while his arms wrapped around you, it was supposed to be a good thing, that you‘d feel safe as the same way you used to feel, except that was uncomfortable now. You couldn't even respond to his hug, for a second you thought you would escape without having to see him. He noticed and gave you space. “I swore that you wouldn't come. My god, it's so good to see you.” He ran his hands through his hair and you remained paralyzed in front of him.

You tried to focus on your breathing so that your voice came out without too many complications. “Yeah... It's good to see you, you look great.” It didn't work, your voice was shaky making your lie sound even worse. He looks great, you didn't lie, he seemed even happier and well rested. You wondered if it was because the album was ready or because now he had Bella.

You forced a smile, but unlike the others, Damiano knew you were acting. He didn’t judge or question, his face became tense, apprehensive. He knew that nothing was right.

“I thought about callin’ you more, goin’ to see you or something. The boys convinced me that it‘d be better not, that it could be even hard for you. I wonder if I shouldn't have done something different to help you because I know I fucked up too.” His hands were undecided between running through his hair and staying inside his pockets. He was nervous, at the same relieved to have spoken to you.

“It wasn't your fault, I’d never blame you for that,” you sighed, smiling slightly. It felt terrible to make him feel that way about it, but there wasn't much you could do. “I'm glad you gave me space when I asked, it's still hard to see you or think about talkin’ to you. It is as if everything that is tormenting me comes all at once.” It was good to say that to him. He nodded and you looked at each other for a while. It wasn't as uncomfortable as you thought it would be.

He was a few feet away from you while you were admiring the night, with your back against the wall. You wanted to leave, maybe go cry in your bed until you fell asleep, still you wanted things to work out with Dami, you wanted that tension and fear of seeing him to get out of your head. Despite that, if it was necessary to suffer in that process, it would not be worth it.

“She’s amazing,” it hurt to say that, but it was the truth. “Bella’s amazing, lucky girl.” You smiled sadly. Saying her name and seeing Dami smiling at that made you thank God for not seeing the two of them together, hugging or kissing. He‘d probably put his hand on her waist while she was talking to one of his friends or giving lightly kisses to her temple, just because he felt like it. Damiano was the cute type, you've seen it before.

“She is, an amazing person. She was all happy to have spoken to you. I told her all about our teenage years and how you always supported the band,” He had told her about you, would he have told her about you being in love with him? You thought to ask, soon giving up. It’d be shameful if so. “If I knew you would be here I’d not have come with her.” It made you think that he had told her.

“What would you do? Would you hide me from her for the rest of your life?” You sighed. it was supposed to sound like a joke, regrettably your voice sounded too cruel for that.

“It’s not like that,” he mumbled. “I was just tryin’ to think of you and—“

“I think I need to go Dami, it’s being too much. I’m sorry.” You needed to get out of there, you couldn't stop the tears anymore and you knew it was a bad idea to talk about her with him.

You took a few steps back just for Damiano to grab at your arm, without putting strength, just like a few months ago, to stop you in front of him. You turned your face away from looking at his eyes, feeling as the tears run down your cheek. You'd never be able to face him, this situation was only proving that to you even more.

“Please, Y/N. Just tell me what I need to do. I will do anything for you to talk to me again. I need you, you know that. The past few weeks have been a mess without you around. Even little my mom misses you. I’d do anything to have you back like before.” He was about to cry, his eyes shone with tears and it was painful to watch. He could do anything for you to stay; except what would make you stay. Unfortunately, it didn't depend only on his good will.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this,” you said in a lack of air, signaling the space around you with your finger. “But this, this is too much. It kills me to have to be close to you or to be close to things or people that remind me of you, seeing someone else with you doesn't help at all. I still think about the fact that we slept together... I can’t just forget it ‘cause it meant so much to me and to you, to you? it was nothing.” You were out of breath, you just wanted to cry in peace, put everything out until there was nothing left. 

 He released his hands of you, his face red and damp. It wasn't going to be easy for either of you. Time wouldn't matter; it wouldn’t change a thing because whenever you looked at him you’d wonder about how things could have been like if he had chosen you.

He whispered one more time that he was sorry, then let you go. He could have stopped you, but it's not like he knew what to do anymore. 

He watched as you walk out without even looking back.

——-

You went through the party walking fast, avoiding acquaintances and questions about why you were like that. Your body was heavy as well as your conscience. Outside the house the street was empty, the streetlights illuminated the sidewalk and along with the silence of the street you felt invited to sit there. You brought your knees close to your body, trying to breathe calmly. Pulling the air in, and then releasing it in a normal way. Your heart was beating so fast that your whole body was agitated. You tried to stay still. You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling a little dizzy when you saw someone walk out the front door of the house. You dropped your knees, trying to look decent, but gave up as soon as the person came closer to you and you saw that it was Victoria. She sat next to you, pulling you into a hug. You were happy that she went to you.

“I’m fine,” you murmured, hugging her waist and hiding your face in the fabric of her shirt.

“Stop saying that you’re fine when you’re far from being fine, I won’t judge you sweetheart,” she comforted you, giving you a extra squeezing. You were far from being alright, but it helped, having someone there helped.

She placed her chin on top of your head, soothing you until your crying softened. She rubbed your back and whispered that it’d be okay.

“Did Damiano send you here?”

“No, darlin’. He said that you had talked, and then you had to leave, he didn't look well, I thought you wouldn't be either.”

“And then you decided to look out for me?” You laughed, still tucked in her warm arms.

“Yep, sounds like you need me, don’t you think?” She laughed too, causing the vibration of her chest next to yours make you feel taken in.

“Why’s love so painful?”

Victoria didn't answer, she was thoughtful for a few minutes, and then she stood up, holding out her hand for you.

“What?”

“I won’t be taking no as an answer, you’ll get in the car with me and we will do something, anything, drink milk shakes, fill up our bellies with pizza ‘til we can't take it anymore, or even rob a bank.” She held you by the waist, lifting you up for her. “Please,”

You didn't see why not to accept. There was nothing worse that could get even worse at the moment, maybe going somewhere would do you good. “Even rob a bank?” She nodded, pointing to where her car was.

A smile spreading across her lovely face as you realized you’d go anywhere she wanted with her. “Yes, even robbing a bank.”

[sukirichi]

Hi! I hope you're doing okay. So I just had a thot. And idk what to do with it. So Imma just put it here cause your blog is my new favourite. I'm not even joking. I literally devoured everything related to Tokyo Rev on your blog. So here's my theory. Do correct me if you think I'm wrong Sensei!

Bouten husbands and where they liked to be kissed the most/ or is their weakness. (Ps: it's just my opinion. I mean no offense to anyone.)

Mikey~ Kiss him on his shoulders and he'll cry. Cause he's been bearing all the burden of his dark and decaying world for so long that he doesn't even know that he needs to take a minute for himself and rely on others around him. Especially since most ppl around him are willing to give their life and limbs for Mikey. He just can't seem to keep that in mind. So you've taken it upon yourself to remind him frm time to time. Just a little peck on his strong and broad-ish shoulders to remind him that he's not alone. That if nothing, he has you. He always will.

Rindou~ Something about being kissed on his cheeks, especially by his lover, does things to him. Like his cardiovascular muscles do a little somersault in his chest or something. Because yes, it doesn't matter if he's one of the big, scary and irreplaceable executive of Bouten, he still has an unconscious inferiority complex. Sometimes it just skips his mind that despite everything, he too deserves the world. And every once in a while you need to remind him about it. That he doesn't have to be flashy and snarky like his brother. He just needs to be himself and that he is undeniably worthy of love.

Ran~ Not many people are taller than him, you are no exception. So it makes sense that in order to kiss him you need to be on your tippy toes. And still you're only able to reach his neck. So yeah, just kiss him there. Right on his Adam's apple and he's a goner. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Ran is always the one to take charge. It's kind of in his nature and you happily oblige him. But every now and then, you also need to remind him to take a breather That he can just let go and get dotted over for a change. You're more than happy to take care of him, that he needs to be taken care off.

Koko~ This man not only, brings in the big dough for Bouten, but also beats up people while at it. To say that he's always overworked is an understatement. His hands are always doing something, illegal things most of the time. He knows he's no saint. That there's no coming back into the light. He's painfully aware. But once e intertwine your hands together and kiss him on top of his knuckles, he swears that it's his redemption. You're the only light in his dark and dangerous world.

Kaku-chan~ Please. Just kiss this man on his forehead. Please. He's literally out there, ready to give his life for the things he wants to protect. He's always doing that. Protecting the people that have gone astray, who have no more hope left. He's ready to die for them, if it means they'll keep going. So please, just once, just protect him instead. Protect him from the demons he skillfully hided in his head. Protect him from the nightmares that torment him every night. Just protect him for a change. He needs it more than he's willing to admit.

Sanzu~ Okay. Hear me out. He's deranged and he knows it. He knows he's won't bat an eye before painfully torturing someone to death. Heck he'll even do it with a smile plastered on his face. He knows that he's stained in blood almost all the time.(sometimes his own, most of the other times, not his own). He'll even relish it. He knows that he's been tainted with burden of death. He knows that he lives in the shadows. He's not sane. He's not good. He's bad. He's ugly. You can tell that these awful thoughts keep him awake at night. So when they do and he has this almost painful look on his face. Just pull him close and kiss him on his face, over and over. Kiss his scars, kiss his lips, kiss his nose, his eyes. Just don't stop until he's got your point across. That yes, it's true that he's despicable. But you still love him nonetheless.

Ps: Sorry that was too long and kinds got out of hand. But these are just my "thots". Thank you for hearing me out!~ Thot anon

hi i’m doing okay, thanks for asking n i hope you are too !! also aaah i’m glad to know my blog is your new fave, i hope you enjoy more of my future tokrev content 🥺 ALSO YES ITS HEADCANON TIME LETS GO LETS GO

mikey n shoulder kisses 🥺 i hc that mikey is stiff and rigid all the time without knowing. like you said, he has a lot on his mind and draken even said mikey had a heavy ass cross to bear, so imagine the weight and burdens he has to shoulder 🥺 so if you lean into him for a hug then kiss his shoulders, mikey deflates. to him, its like a reminder he doesn’t have to carry it all by himself all the time and poor bb forgets that often

cheek kisses for rindou 🥺 the idea of this big, bad executive infamous for breaking limbs but is actually a sucker for cheek kisses and turns into a soft lil bean when you cup his face and just smother him with love n affection? bless. rindou probably unknowingly exerts too much effort sometimes to prove something - may it be his strength, his power, or how he’s perfectly capable of fighting by himself - he’ll have that voice at the back of his head that he needs to do something. giving him cheek kisses grounds him and elicits butterflies in his stomach bcos he realizes that, “oh, i don’t have to try so hard. silly me...now more cheek kisses, please.”

ran and neck kisses !! ON THE FLOOR RN, TELL ME MORE. but yes omg i also hc that ran is such a giver and grown up to look for others the way he does for rindou, so in his head, he’s kind of drilled it into himself that he has to be the one in the lead - not necessarily in a mikey way - but in a “he needs to take charge and take his responsibilities seriously” kind of thing. like mikey, ran is probably often deep in thought as well despite his teasing mannerisms, that when you kiss his neck he can’t help but soften. he enjoys being doted on. loves to be the one on the receiving side. has the sweetest smile on his face when he gets a lil ticklish and he just feels like he’s on cloud nine <33

knuckle kisses for koko 😫 everything you said was on point !! his hands are probably so tired from fighting and counting bills all day, not to mention the amount of paperwork he has to do bcos who else will do them ?? no one knows the inner system of koko and how it works as well as koko does, and he wants to do his job right. he gets a little too absorbed in his work, however, that koko gets a little confused when you take his hands away from whatever he’s working on to leave little kisses at the pads of his knuckles, maybe even massaging his hands or playing with his fingers to help him relax a bit. and you know how koko is so good at what he does bcos its all he knows, but at the same he probably hates how he treads on this dark path ?? so when you kiss his knuckles, he feels relieved. like everything will be okay and second chances are real n something he’s worthy of

omg now this is my favorite - kakucho + foreahead kisses. forehead kisses are always so intimate and soothing in a sense. like come here so you can kiss him on the forehead, watch the way his eyes flutter close and a smile tugs at his lips when your lips trail down to his scar, all the while your hands are cupping his face with such tenderness he never really knew of. kakucho is so used to being the tough guy with his rough childhood that it almost feels surreal. surreal that he’s in bed, with you, safe and sound and you’re kissing his forehead so comfortingly he doesn’t have to worry about putting his walls down for a second. he feels safe. he feels at home. but most of all, he knows he’s not alone and he has you - his family

kissing sanzu’s scars 🥺 everything you said was beautiful n i can totally see it happening !! as much as we all know sanzu takes great pleasure and finds entertainment in what he does, it sinks down a little too late. when he’s not high, that’s when he feels the lows. when the blood on his hands are dried, that’s when he realizes it gets harder to wash them off until it stains deep all the way into his soul. then his scars. he sees his scars and remembers how he has to hide them at some point. he stays awake at night and oddly enough, silent and unmoving. and what better way to ease his worries than to pull him close and just to kiss his scars that he thinks are only one of the ways the darkness - the ugliness - of his soul shows through. keep him close and kiss his scars. sanzu may not always be in the right mind to understand your words, but the simple gesture of showing love and acceptance to a part of him that makes him a whole will engrave deep into his heart. leave him butterfly kisses. kiss him from everywhere to his eyes until they flutter close to sleep. kiss his nose adoringly until they scrunch so cutely. kiss his lips until its your taste that overwhelms him. and kiss his scars to remind him his imperfections are accepted and loved

[zofja-qualifiedantholic]

HANA Doll track project archive 1-11 IDOLls translation

The translation is very rough!!! More info here also (?) before dot means I'm really not sure if the sentence is correct and (?) after dot means I couldn't translate some part I tried to erase all my idiotic comments hope this tl helps!! ps idiot and ? are the same person i just changed it while translating

Mahiro: What, PLANTs? Oh, It's about time. Thank you for letting me know. Maybe I tell you, to be more specific. Hey, PLANTs. HANA Doll project is full of great people, why do I want to be a center?(???) Little by little, I've been able to work as an idol. Making songs for event(?) with our fans is great. I was allowed to plan this(??). I have a lot of fun every day. For real. But Lii-san is the best at singing, right? Haru is the best at dancing. Chise come up with very fashionable ideas. Kaoru has interesting variety of talk, it surprised me. Ryo-san puts us together. But, I'm not that good. Even my flower hasn't bloomed yet. Nevertheless... Sorry, sorry. I got it. It's the end of whining. It's an important event with fans today. I have to smile.

-------

Kaoru: (?). I'm getting nervous.

Mahiro: By the way, Kaoru. You say hello in front of reporters during the event today.

Kaoru: Yes. I am told to report that the flower bloomed.

Haruta: I see.

Ryoga: I'm also told to come forward. Lihito too, you know.

Kaoru: It's encouraging we go together.

Chise: You three have it nice. When their flowers are in bloom, they are treated specially and I envy them. I also have a lot to say.

Lihito: If you practice receiving and answering from now on so as not to be ashamed.

Chise: Ok, let's do it together. The interview(?).

Lihito: Ha

Mahiro: I want to do it too.

Lihito: Why do you-

Mahiro: Lii-san, please.

Lihito: ...Understood. I wonder if I should do it.(?)

Chise: Yes!!! It's a promise, Litto.

Ryoga: Anyway, Let's hope the three of us will survive today(?)

Kaoru: Right... Haruta, you ok?

Haruta: Eh, why?

Kaoru: You've been quiet for a while and you look pale.

Chise: There's no announcment(you don't have to say anything?????) so don't be nervous(?).

Haruta: It's not the tension.

Chise: Eh, It's a lie.

Ryoga: Oi, Chise, stop.

Lihito: If I read the air right right now, you're being insensitive (?).

Chise: I see. I'm really sorry, Hari.

Lihito: That the good one(??).

Haruta: I'm not nervous.

Lihito: I think it's better not to be nervous. You guys don't have as much experience as talent(?).

Mahiro: We don't have many chances to show the songs and dances directly.

Ryoga: I'm fidgeting a little too.

Kaoru: I'm a little more worried about performance than greetings.

Chise: That's right, I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not nervous.

Ryoga: Everyone, everyone, don't do that Chise.

Mahiro: But Haru, you're certainly a little pale, are you ok?

Haruta: I'm fine.

Chise(?): You don't have to think about what you want to say(?). That's strange, Hari.

Mahiro: Because he is a strong type. It will be okay. PLANTs watch after Haruta.

Kaoru: Let's do our best together, Haruta.

------

[They do be singing]

[Fans surely are enjoing]

Some host: Thank you Anthos, for this splendid performance.

Mahiro(?): It's great. I don't want the light to fade.

Ryoga: Hiro... Oi, Mahiro.

Mahiro: yh Oh, Ryo-san.

Ryoga: Are you okay?

Mahiro: Uhm.

Kaoru: The applause doesn't stop.

Haruta: We did for the first time.

Lihito: It's not vague(?).

Mahiro: I-

Ryoga: Come on, Hiro.

Kaoru: Mahiro.

Mahiro: Thank you for coming to the Anthos' album release event today. We're really thankful.

Host: That's it. Let's begin the interview(?). Go to the back stage, please (?).

[They go]

Host: They will talk to you now. If you have any questions, please raise your hand. The one with black jacet(?).

?[same voice as the phone call hm]: I would like to ask which members' flower bloomed?

Ryoga: That's me. Kagekawa Ryoga. Toudo Lihito and Kisaragi Kaoru.

?: Well, who was the first?(?) It seems that all the members live in the dormitory. How does it usually look like(?)?

Ryoga: Anthos is pre-debiut class. The freshest in the Amagiri Productions. So certainly we're focusing on training...

?: Eh. Not that. Idols participating in the HANA Doll project embed special flower seeds in their bodies. It is said that artificial treatment is applied to maximize the potential.

Ryoga: That's right.

?:By doing that they sell young boys as idols(?). What do you think about that?

Haruta: Why are you asking that?

Kaoru: Somehow it looks strange.

?:Isn't there a person from overseas?/Does it matter?(?????)

Host: Ah eh- I'm sorry but-

?: Well, Yuki Mahiro-san. What about you? Today's material says you're center.

Ryoga: Hiro, the answer is okay(?).

Host: Please hold on(?)...

Kaoru: They're yelling at me, right(?)?

Lihito: Is it important to look?

Chise(?): I see.

Ryoga: That's right. If you didn't get on the affiliation before the question. (LIKE WHAT IDK)

Hostmaybe: Anthos, I'm sorry. (?)

Ryoga: Understood.

Haruta: Chise-nii what are you doing? Let's go.

Chise: ah uhm

?: Wait. Please don't leave/answer(???) Hey! Yukki-san!

Haruta: That guy is persistent.

Kaoru: Don't worry about it, Mahiro

Ryoga: Hey Hiro, ignore it.

?: Yukki Mahiro-san. Are you the son of the Amagiri Productions' founder?

Haruta: It's nothing(?).

?: Amagiri Mahiro-san. What do you think of your father?

Ryoga: Hiro... Amagiri Hajime's-

Haruta: I don't know what it means. Let's go(?) Hiro-nii. Hiro-nii... No way, seariously.

Idiot: Can't you hear me? What do you think about HANA Doll project? I'm asking if you participated(???).

Lihito: Today, we Anthos took the stage as part of the album release activity. There is no obligation to answer the current question. This is his personal matter(?). If you make more noise, it will be a great disadvantage for you.

Idiot: You're acting like kids(??).

Lihito: Thank you for your cooperation. Fortunately, the camera seems to be spinning, so Amagiri Productions is likely to be here to sue you.

Idiot: I'm not good at this and get on with it.(??) (You're not going to get away with this??? Maybe)

Lihito: I said it's not our job anymore

Kaoru: Mahiro, come on, let's go.

Idiot: It's not a (?) It's a monter!

*LOT OF PROPABLY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS I CAN'T TRANSLATE AAAAAAAAA*

[deepblooberc]

On Dating and Why I Am This Close in Opting to Say Fuck It.

A very personal post, y'all. Stay tuned for more shit posting later.

As I navigate the modern dating world in the remains of Covid era, I have to say that out of all 4 years that I have been on and off using these dating apps (and I have used them all if they were open to homosexual dating: Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Her, Zoe, Badoo, Taimi, OkCupid), no time has made me feel any more jaded about finding someone real and wanting legitimate commitment until now.

Like, okay, my last two relationships were from Dating apps. My longest (6 mos.) relationship was from Her, and I proceeded to delete my account because I thought I found the one. Sadly she dumped me for dumb reasons and went off months later to find her person. I was still alone. Then, my most recent relationship was from Bumble, but we had to end because they were unsure about their mental state and sexuality/gender identity. Understandable, since you can't out your heart into a relationship if you don't put it in yourself. We are friends still.

I know I am young and shouldn't be so worried about it especially if it is spurred on by social media and outside pressures, but it's nearly been pressured by people being online posting about "oh X and I have been together for Y years and we bought Z together! I'm so happy and we're going on strong!" Like...I just want shit like that, but it seems like most sapphics my age genuinely don't want to settle down and really love someone like I do as much as they claim to want that. I'm also expected to live in the now, to not worry about settling down and marrying someone and to hook up as much as I can until the person comes. Hooking up actually does nothing for me, if anything it is a cheap thrill for a short amount of satisfaction instead of a long term thing.

My emotions and hormones constantly fight with one another. I want a relationship but I also always seem to find myself wanting sex too. As much as I appreciate women finding me sexually attractive, most times they're with someone already or they don't want to eventually form a relationship. They just want the relationship without the label of a relationship, and that's extremely disingenuous. I know there's a difference between sex and intimacy, but I legitimately crave sex as much as intimacy. With the right amount of Intimacy, I can ask for sex. That's how I work.

I think that one thing that holds me back from finding someone to love me is being autistic. Like...legit it's a lot harder to find the signals than usual and it frustrates me to no end because when I like someone, I seek to make them my partner unless we can only see ourselves as friends. When I like someone, I try to tell them as soon as I can that I like them. The way I see it, if I am not seeing any sort of progression in our discussions about planning dates and seeing how we mesh well in each other's lives, then I don't see it going anywhere.

If you mention these...I don't want it.

Polyamory/Open relationship/unicorn/boyfriend: No. No. Fuck you. I don't care if you're into it, I'm not. You started talking to me and made your profile as if you were single and when I started to have feelings for you, you yank that shit away and say you want your BOYFRIEND to join us on a date? Fuck out of here! At least if you were up front, it's a red flag and I head the fuck out. (This isn't to be disrespectful to anyone in open relationships, oh you have so much more will power. I just can't because I am strictly monogamous)

Explicitly bashing my opinions on politics or talking over me because you assume I think like you: that's probably gonna be the thing that makes me angry the most. Like I am a minority with my own opinions! I don't have to take you talking over me or assuming I'm a raging leftist like you. I am not and never will be.

Saying you're crazy: if you have to put the fact that you're crazy and will "ruin my life" in your profile AS A GOOD THING, fuck off. You need a therapist instead of a relationship.

Vibe: what does that mean? You want to date me without saying we are dating? So casual date? No, no. I don't do that.

People who unironically like Dhar Mann: do I need to say anymore? Unrealistic, cheesy, Hallmark inspiration porn.

With all of these things... I am pretty sure I won't find anyone that's living near me that doesn't have any of these traits. I may either have to give up one or just give up on dating. It's getting closer and closer to the latter option for me. I'll just order a sex bot and say that's m fucking girlfriend. I'll be like those pathetic little shut ins and just give the fuck up.

It looks less and less like any sapphic really wants a good, somewhat traditional, healthy relationship and just wants to put as many warning signs on them as possible....and that saddens me. My life will be completed when I get into a long term relationship tat leads into marriage, have at least one child, travel the world and have a successful job, have the body I want and settle down in a home somewhere. Is that a hard thing to ask for?

I am already working on the working out, job and traveling parts, but all I need now is just the relationship and home soon...looks like I'll have to give up before I find her.

PS, am I a bad person for wanting to date outside my race a cis woman? I think that is what gets me into a lot of shit. Ugh I hate these thoughts so much.

[elusive---ivory]

Little Clown pt 1

Yes, yes, yes oh, boy. Here we are!! The Sequel to TWIV. It took me a while to finish this first part, hopefully y'all enjoy it 💖💖

PAIRING: Arthur Fleck x Oc/Joker x Oc

WARNING: Unrequited Love, Child Endangerment

Part 1

Taglist:

@gloomyladyy @princessgeekface @memory-mortis (ps I apologize if I left some people out. Just message me again if I forgot)

"Mommy, I don't want a clown at my birthday party." A little girl said, troubled.

"I know, sweetheart, but clowns aren't so scary. Could you please try for me?" Her mother said, holding her hand.

It was 1993 in Gotham City. It had been 12 years since the incarceration of The Joker. Chaos was still rapid in Gotham, but the police didn't seem to care.

Sandy Fleck was one of Gotham's notorious villains, who rose to the top in popularity. Half her popularity came from followers of The Joker, hoping to seek guidance from her. The other half came from the angry mob of Gotham City, who were still hurt by the damage. For those who knew her on the streets, She was known as Dolly. She had the city tight around her finger. The only thing she was missing was Arthur.

Her daughter looked up at her. "I'm not afraid of clowns, Mommy. I just don't like them. The news doesn't like them, so why should I?" The little girl frowned. Her green emerald eyes were staring into Sandy.

"Ruthie, not everything on the news is trustworthy. Besides, I'm pretty sure your will love it." Sandy said.

"What friends, Mommy?" Ruth replied, monotonous.

Ruth Quinn Fleck wasn't like most kids her age. She was very smart, but not so sociable young girl. From the age of 5, Ruth was diagnosed by a medical professional that she had Asperger's Syndrome. Her doctors were still confused about Ruth's behavior, hoping that maybe by the time she was 8, Ruth could grow out of it. Ruth was nearing the age of 10, with her birthday being a couple days away.

The two crossed the crowded street. Ruth held onto her mother closely, as they walked into their small, yet, comfortable apartment complex.

Sandy didn't move from the old apartment complex. After all that happened, she decided that the best place for her little girl was the complex. Sure, it was an awful complex, but there was something about it that felt so warm and familiar.

As they walked up to their apartment, Sandy walked past a certain apartment door, flooding memories of someone she missed.

Sandy unlocked her apartment door, placing the groceries on the kitchen counter.

Ruth took a small juice box from the fridge, and darted for the living room. Ruth turned the TV on, and switched it to the news.

Sandy giggled to herself. "Why do you only watch the news?"

"I dunno. I like the news. It's interesting." Ruth sipped on her juice box.

Sandy smiled, washing her hands in the kitchen sink and preparing dinner.

"Twelve years ago to this day, Thomas Wayne was killed outside the Monarch Theater. In remembrance of him, we've gathered here at the theater with the young Bruce Wayne, Boy Billionaire over night."

Sandy rolled her eyes. "Ruthie, don't watch this crap. All they talk about is Bruce Wayne."

"Not all the time. They also talk about Joker." Ruth replied.

Dishes clanked in the sink, causing Sandy to break a mug, cutting her finger.

"Ruth. We don't talk about Joker, okay?" Sandy said through her teeth.

"Why not?" Ruth inquired.

"Because," Sandy rose her voice, then closed her eyes before calming down. "Because, I said so." Sandy spoke softly.

Ruth looked down at the floor. "I didn't mean to upset you, Mommy."

Sandy rubbed her temples in frustration. "I know, baby. I know."

The telephone rang on the kitchen counter. Sandy rushed over to get it.

"Hello?" Sandy answered.

"Hey, Dolly. We got ourselves another client. Do ya think you can meet us downtown at 5 o'clock?" A gruff voice said over the phone.

"I'll see, Rudy. Where is the meeting at?" Sandy turned towards her daughter, who was focused on the TV.

"Roxy's Cabaret. Our client also said he wanted to met Joker in person." Rudy explained.

"Well, he's gonna be surprised. Joker is still incarcerated, remember?" Sandy replied.

"Dolly, my hands are tied here. It was the only fib I could use to get him to see us. Anyway, do you wanna take the job or not?" Rudy said, impatiently.

"You haven't even told me the job, yet." Sandy scoffed.

"Look, I don't got time for this, Dolly. Just be here by 5 o'clock." Rudy hung up the phone.

"Who does that lowlife fucker think he is?" Sandy grumbled to herself.

As it was nearing 5, Sandy did her makeup in a small vanity mirror.

"Mommy, do you really have to go?" Ruth said, standing in the doorway of her mother's bedroom.

Sandy sighed, putting on a strapless dress. "Yes, sweetheart."

Ruth looked up at her mother, disappointed, but her lack of emotion on her face couldn't show it.

"Sugar, I know you're upset, but I swear I'll be home by 11. Please don't do what you did with the last babysitter." Sandy finished the rest of her clown like makeup.

Ruth still kept her disappointed eyes on Sandy.

She heard a knock on the door. "Could you get that, sweetheart?"

Ruth huffed nodding.

A tall blonde woman in her twenties appeared that the door. "Hiya! Is ya mommy home?" The woman smiled, cheerfully.

Ruth glared and nodded.

"Well, aren't ya gonna invite me in?" The woman asked.

"I don't like you." Ruth said, still glaring at the woman.

The women's cheerful demeanor disappeared completely. "Maybe I don't like you either."

Sandy headed towards the door. "Hi. Thank you so much for coming. I was worried that I was going to have to leave her alone." She sighed in relief.

The woman brought up her false happy demeanor again. "No problem. I'm Harley. Very nice to meet ya."

"Sandy. It's a pleasure. Emergency contacts are on the fridge. She needs to be in bed before 8." Sandy kneeled down to Ruth's level. "Promise me, you'll be good."

"I promise, Mommy." Ruth kissed her mother on her forehead.

"I love you. I'll be back." Sandy walked out the door, putting on her coat, heading to the elevator.

Ruth turned on the TV, turning up the news.

"Does ya mother always looks like a circus act or does she have some type of gig?" Harley asked, rummaging through the fridge.

Ruth didn't answer her eyes were glued to the TV.

"Breaking news: Just a few minutes ago all of Arkham's electricity turned off, then back on again, but 10 inmates were reported escaped from the facility, including the most infamous clown, Joker. One female inmate was also released from the scene, most known as Harleen Quinzel. The police have speculated that the two were working together, and helped each other escape. In further new-" Harley unplugged the TV.

Ruth looked up at her, confused.

"That's enough of that. You're mommy's gonna be quite surprised when she gets here. Mr J has been dying to see her again. It's a shame that she's had you, isn't it? Mr. J isn't gonna be so thrilled to see you up and about." Harley sneered.

Ruth turned towards her. "I hate you. You're mean."

Harley stuck her tongue out. "That makes two of us. Now, Mr. J told me to call him once I got her and I said I would so, beat it."

Ruth grabbed Harley by waist and tackled her to the ground.

"Get the hell off me, twerp." Harley yelled, throwing Ruth around.

Harley threw Ruth to the ground. "Now, listen here, you little shit. I told Joker I wouldn't hurt you, but I'm sure he'll make an exception." Harley pulled a small dagger out of her pocket. She hovered over Ruth, about to lay the knife on her.

A man in a red suit and clown makeup walked through the door. He pulled Harley off of Ruth.

"Mr. J, I'm sorry. She wasn't cooperating with me, so I did what I had to do." Harley said, feigning her innocence.

The man glared at her. "Leave, Harley."

"What?" Harley spoke quietly.

"I said, Leave. I don't need you anymore. I found what I've been looking for." The man said, looking over at the little girl who had no expression on her face.

"But, Mr. J, I thought we-" Harley was cut off by a laugh.

"We what? What did you possibly think we were? I told you our deal was simple. I helped you out of Arkham, then you were to help me find Sandy. You helped me, and I helped you. I've had enough of your services." The man turned over to Ruth.

Harley glared at Joker, then bolted out of the apartment.

Ruth got up and looked up at the man. "You're the Joker, aren't you?"

The man chuckled. "I wasn't always called Joker. My real name is Arthur."

"My name is Ruth." Her emerald eyes were the same as Arthur's as they stared at each other.

"That's a nice name. Who's your dad?" Arthur asked, kneeling down to her level.

"I never had a daddy. My mommy says that my daddy was a kind man, until he changed." Ruth looked away from him.

Arthur frowned. "I understand how you feel. I never knew my dad. My mother lied to me for all my life. Your mother taught me things I could never forget. Where is your mother now?"

"She's at work." Ruth yawned, rubbing her eyes.

Arthur smiled slightly. "Someone's tired." He picked Ruth up in his arms, and carried her to her bedroom.

"I like you, Joker, unlike the news." Ruth said, half asleep.

Arthur smiled, placing the small girl in her bed.

[fluffynin]

I rolled my eye lights as the three humans bickered. When I had Kris tell them to explain the so-called "strengthening" system of these weapons... Well, all three came up with different answers.

Which, with thinking about Kris and I being technically the same being, but so different... Makes sense as we have confirmed all four of us Legendary Heroes come from different Japans, or worlds to be exact.

So why are they saying the other is lying?

"HEY, HEY! CALM DOWN! WE SHOULDN'T FIGHT!" Sansy floated over with Papy, both brothers pulling at the souls of Ren and Motoyasu to seperate the trio.

"yeah. we are kind of up a shit creek without... oh, wrong saying," Papy flinched as he corrected himself.

Huh? Why was... Oh, yeah. My job as the taxi of the River Maze. I wonder if I can still access that place with our current situation. At least if we can get back to the Void, we can vacate any other Gasters who have ended up in there to this world.

Not a fix, but should be way safer than the constant threat of Anomalies trying to eat whatever code they find. Plus, I rather put my trust in other versions of myself than whatever so-called "help" that lousy excuse of a king was gathering. At least if there are other scientists and doctors like Kris and me, we could look into these Waves of Catastrophe properly instead of the half-assed way these humans been doing with summoning who-knows-what and throwing the poor souls into what sounds an all out slaughter.

Which, oddly, looking at my fellow heroes, they are all so young. Sure, techinically I was once human, but I was at least around Kris's age of about 200 years or so, off a few decades since comparing his now Darkner appearance to what he properly is as a magic skeleton. These three never seen the horrors of war. Hell, with the methods they told me... It almost sounds like they never been in a real...

I clapped my hands together and everyone jumped.

"Huh? What?" I yanked on Kris's sleeve to get his attention to my hands

-I think I figured it out.- I signed and opened up the menus.

Each of the humans said they played a game with similar settings to this world. I, myself, love to play MMORPGs and even got pretty well set up in a guild that got pretty good.

Yet, if I use that as a reference, what if the enhancement methods the trio talked about was not of the games they played... But instead it was the best way of enhancement overall for how the world's operating systems worked.

I noticed glitching and a prompt came up with the question if I wanted to adjust my current and only shield: Small Shield

I confirmed and took in a calming breathe.

I was never really good at this, but I've always done it to myself to keep my LOVe at 1. Plus, I currently have a little EXP to spend from the Anomalies I took out before this mess, so it is worth a shot. All I'll lost is EXP which is a win for me either way.

I touched the gem on my shield and felt myself submerged within the depths of its inner being. A huge web of symbols and lines, almost all dulled out. I went to the one that was dimmly glowed more than the others.

I held out my hand with a spark and pushed into the light. The symbol went ablazed and the flames flickered down the lines to other symbols... And branched into new lines and new symbols. I felt a flood of warmth before my senses returned to reality.

"You okay, Iwatani-san?" Itsuki asked.

Ah, right. I always took much longer than Coordinators. A big reason I never did it to others for payment.

Yet, looking through the menus and manual...

Adjustments and transfering of EXP and LOVe to improve stats and such. As well as new branches that demand... Oh, skulls.

Just what is going on with this weird ass world.

Well, let's focus first on my discovery as Adjustments weren't the only thing added to my menu and manual.

"📖⏺" I let the text boxes float up from my mouth.

"Wha?" Motoyasu voiced the confusion on all three humans' faces. Though, even Kris had a high brow arced.

Seriously? We both speak Wingdings and he never spoke shorthand?

"n says the book records?" Papy translated. "o-kay?" The twin skulls looked at each other with worried looks.

Itsuki and Ren, however, had their eyes widened. Itsuki motioned the air and narrowed his eyes. He nearly fell when something happened on the interface only visible to himself and me.

"Oh! The manual records new stuff as we learn it!" Itsuki grinned. "None of us are wrong, but instead all right!"

"But how?" Ren grimanced at his own menus. "I don't get your methods would work to make our weapons stronger." I motioned to Kris.

"Different operating systems, one unit?" Kris asked with decipering my signs. Oh, good. Was a bit worried as our sign lanuages were a bit different with some words.

However, seemed that got the idea across for Motoyasu and Ren.

"So our weapons act like hardware that can take on various software." Ren said as he gotten a glitchy interface. " Wait... Could this be why we can't work together? Our weapons' original systems conflicts with the others?"

"It would explain why we defaulted to different set ups." Motoyasu crossed his arms. "So to make up for not able to work together, we can share our enhancement methods with each other to increase our strength."

I snapped my fingers and did jazz hands with a grin.

"But, what's your method?" I felt the ice in the trio's glares at me.

"We shared ours, yet you haven't said... Oh, right..." They flinched at my double birdie.

"My method is called Adjustment." Kris translated. "It's a bit hard to explain, so it would be easier if you let me do it. I'm not that good, but it should allow the better users of this the means to do it."

"Wait, this isn't a video game mechanic?" Itsuki asked with a raised brow.

"AH! THAT!" Sansy jumped. "YOU REALLY SURE YOU WANNA TRY ADJUSTING THEIR WEAPONS? THEY AREN'T-"

I tapped my shield's gem and signed.

"They are similar enough. I got it to work." Kris crossed his arms. "But what is this Adjustment thing, dear brother." Kris gave me the "Dad Eyes." I felt my throat tightened into a gulp.

-Explain later. Just think of it as the simple version of what turned you from skeleton to human.- Kris's grimance deepened. -I just never thought I could go in reverse. Usually can get the advance method to work with turning human souls into monster kind.-

"I see. So it enhances the soul aspects of the weapons and users." Kris caught the hint and let it go. "It's magic, so it is a little hard to express it in... Human language?" Kris let out a sigh. "At least from our world, magic is usually more expressive than logically explained. Our kind... Our race of humans are the few able to express magic much like other magical races."

"So... You're mages." Ren said with a nod. "Like how VR is common in my world. In a way, it makes since considering Shields were bad in the game I played."

"Wait, the same for you, too?" Motoyasu asked in shock.

"My game also did Shields badly," Itsuki flinched. "Which makes it worse seeing you in a wheelchair, Iwatani-san. It's like you got no straw at all instead of the short straw."

What? I just raised an eyebrow with confusion.

How was being in a wheelchair bad? Hell, these were the best wheels I had in my life! Custom-made and foldable, perfect for someone like me who uses wheels for ease of life.

"ah, right. humans aren't used to n's type." Papy rolled his eyelight.

"I don't get it." Kris huffed. "Doesn't a wheelchair help increase my brother's abilities?"

"Ah, but we will be in combat." Motoyasu gave me a loot of pity. "How can a crippled person-"

Both twins burst into laughter while Kris glared daggers at the three humans. Ah, right, monster kind is used to having to adapt all sorts of ways to help each other living Underground... Especially after the pollution turned the River into the maze twisted with time and space itself.

"What... Oh," Ren went wide eyed. "Right, a mage. When I think how magic is used in the game... Of course a Legendary Hero specializing in magic would focus on defense."

"Huh?" Motoyasu cocked his head.

"Oh, yeah! Pure mages were always weak to close combat. So, instead of having a staff, you have a means of defense as you lob spells at the enemies."

"Wha? Don't cha mean bullets?" Kris snorted. "Spells are a human thing that lack any expression. Bullets are far faster and effect in combat than chanting stupid phrases." Kris snapped his fingers for a bone bullet to appear and he balanced it on the tip of one.

"B-Bullet?" All three asked before they went pale. "Like in... a bullet hell game?"

I guess one could call my magic akin to a magic bullet hell. I sure know the Eighth Fallen probably saw our fights as such.

"Bullet hell?" The skull twins and once skeleton asked with confused dazes.

Me?

I just gave a devish smile.

"👍"

-----------

Trying to get out of the worldbuilding trap with writing linked short fics. This one came from the sketch above and just snowballed into this. Hope it is enjoyable as it was for me to write this.

PS - Correcting some mistakes.