#it has been nearly 20 years
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old OCs never die... a post just drew my attention to the fact that yesterday was June 18th, and I went "aww, I missed Alto's birthday"
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#cant stop laughing at thsi#its been nearly 20 years since atla was first released i think we can really conclude that everything has been said about it now#person who is watchibg a series for the first time:
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this is it, the panel that ruined my life
#i remember being in grade four or five and we were all crowded around the one computer we had in the entire school#desperately using a proxy server so we could google fan translations for this manga#myplaneta anyone????#but seriously this ship has been the bane of my existence for almost 20 years#i remember going into the local manga shop and asking nearly everyday if they had this manga in stock#the guy there fucking hated me 😂#vidow#four swords manga#vio link#shadow link
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instagram
#ron mael#sparks#possibly the best photo of Ron in existence.#future addition: this has been my phone lock screen for nearly a year now#some people are scared by this photo and don't want to touch my phone (which only makes it better)#portrait#2023#20's#by Ed Miles#Instagram
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.
#so a little over a year ago i kissed a guy who i have known for nearly 20 years. on the lips#well he kissed me to be fair#after a whole night of dancing together and i will admit yes i flirted with him a LOT but. the thing is we have a weird kind of situation#because we aren't really friends but we share a best friend#and when our best friend was depressed we texted each other to try and think of ways to get her out of her funk#and when he need tips on what to get our mutual best friend he texts me too#and when we see each other at parties. well. the times we have ended up alone have always been charged lets just say that#and he REMEMBERED one of those moments and told me so last year and i was floored so i decided to go with it and flirt with him fhdshf#anyways. long story short he literally picked me up and pushed me against a wall and kissed me. and then. we shared a cab and hugged#good night and never talked about it again#i saw him a few months ago for the first time since That Night and we. did not talk about it! gfdhgd i am glad but also it's a bit weird id#and now he and our best friend are on holiday together and they are both messaging me and he just. texted me a kissy face.#and now i want to kill him (affectionately).#oh and he has a serious girlfriend so :) hgfhdhh i make such good life decisions don't i#i never told our best friend about the kiss btw. because she would kill both of us for sure#okay rant over anyways i dont think i will ever be normal about this guy. story of my life
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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Vaguely considering changing my headcanon for Orin's eye color. It's been the same since like.....I was in middle school, but lately I've been wondering....what if his eyes were green or maybe hazel?
#Looked at my old uploads on deviantart which includes LSoH fanart and damn#Orin has been a weird lil fixation of mine for nearly 20 years.....#I am....old#(Outta Skid Row) OOC
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okay i really AM working on the path to paradise. if all goes according to plan i'll have chapter 15 this weekend AHHHHHH
#oh man i feel so bad#it doesn't help that i've been 'trying' to start writing it again the past two days and i'm getting stuck on the first few paragraphs#my new job transition has been....... interesting#palliative medicine is.... a completely different beast#in the sense that like. you have so much time to talk to patients. to try to help them feel better.#we're doing formal communication training. roleplaying. consistent and reasonable hours#its hard to step back and slow down after spending the last 3 years in critical care#but this is... nice. important. i think its gonna be good.#also! i really AM going to comic con!!!!!!#i can't believe i've lived in sd for 6 years and never got to go#obviously i scalped the tickets and WAY overpaid for them#but tbh its kinda a bucket-list once-in-a-lifetime thing for me#i can imagine its going to be EXTREMELY overwhelming#but i am excited about it. truly.#ANYWAY. i also played all of persona 3 reload and persona 4 golden#predictably kanji is my favorite from p4. obviously naoto too.#p3? hard to say. koromaru definitely.#i have a soft spot for aigis and shinjiro also#a bit dissapointed that you couldn't play female protag like how are they going to resell a nearly 20 year old game without including that.#and that project aigis wasn't included. i mean i'm gonna buy it but i'm not gonna be happy about it#...anyway. love you guys. sorry i've been not good at writing BUT NEVER GIVE UP ON MEEEEE
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as a guy that loves getting into obscure media that like. maybe 5 people talk about now. it is interesting the difference between consuming media that is SUPER popular and everyone loves your fave (a curse i would never wish upon anyone. the posts will never be good) and a media that like. there is NO ONE actively posting about. it has barely any fan presence online. and honestly its kind of peaceful
#twist rambles#like. being into the wit/cher books and games and show (the good one. the hexer) was a hellish experience. there was such isnane shipping o#that old man everywhere. there were 5 million bad takes. there were ibs whump fics (which is a plus. more of those should exist).#and it was just like. 50 million incorrect characterizations of my faves. it made me a bit insane. but then irt vol/foss and gan/gsta#its like. peaceful silence. like gan/gsta actually well. has like a minor audience i just have a lot of the tag blocked bc racism is insane#esp when ur like wow ^-^ would love if this complexly written black character was treated half as nicely as the popular guy in that media.#it does not happen. but w vol/foss. there is NOTHING on ao3 (good for me due to loving to torture myself and friends w bad fanfic) and mayb#five posters in the tumblr tag. like NO ONE is really actively playing this that ik of. even on the jp side there hasnt been a ton of#interest for A DECADE. but its weirdly peaceful other than i CANNOT talk to anyone whos played it and go insane over how well its written#its so dire that ive contemplated emailing the person who made a rly helpful fansite back in. 2004 or earlier. and being like hi. thank you#nearly 20 years later lmao. like im glad both of those medias arent super popular BUT it does mean i rly have to make all the content for i#or pester chris for 5 million hours as im in the vol/foss agony mines. but all of that to be said. popular media is such a hellhole for fan#content most of the time. so its been weirdly nice to just be peacefully vibing. even w f/e im still on shadow dragon so its VERY like ok i#care abt this old man that everyone else doesnt like so i can just. peacefully exist.
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I fucking hate depression
#and myself but that's not the point#my brain has been absolutely fixated this week on a particular issue that's been a problem for half my life now#i have trauma and i want to explode something#oh...huh...i just realized a kink (i guess?) that I'm no longer into is probably tied to this memory#(it wasn't an assault but it was emotionally scarring and nearly 20 years later I'm still very uncomfortable with my body because of it)#i hadn't really thought too much about why i went from thinking that was pretty great actually to being like ew no thank you
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it's taken me 18 years but i've finally come full circle... at 11 i tried writing my own ending to eragon and never stopped writing things, now im nearly 29 and writing another funky lil dragon rider 🥹
#🗲 ── * 𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑬 𝑨𝑭 ❨ ooc. ❩#the math gave me an existential crisis tho help#i was like omg what has it been like 10 years?#NOPE NEARLY 20#get me a walking stick#i vaguely remember writing something about a fairy before that#when i was like 8 or 9??#and my teacher had me reading it to the class#*side eyes my faerie smut*
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26 is still young my dear <3 you have time
i don't know if the person who sent this will ever see it; it's over a year old at this point. i got this message presumably in response to some fear i had over turning 26 last year, and i've kept it in my inbox so i could look at it whenever i was anxious about my life going too fast. you're right, 26 is still very young. i'm 27 now, so i'm letting this message go, but i will still think of it often. and thank you. i needed it. <3
#i am 27 and i've been on this site since i was 14 so that's insane because its nearly half my life#and fuck man some of you have followed me since like 2012-2013 which is even crazier#i just got a foot in the door to my dream job and i start this week!! even though i can't squat down & get up without groaning anymore#and i have more than a couple grey hairs and i take care of an entire living cat#i do still have plenty of time#and to my friends and followers in their late 20s and early 30s- my mom who is 53 just set herself on a new path#and she has many many years to grow and to enjoy it#you have time!! even when it doesn't feel like you do#truly and genuinely grateful for the person who sent me this message even if i don't remember the context anymore#i hope you see this and know how much you've done for me
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it is luigi's godgiven right to disguise as peach in the film's sequel btw.
#it has been nearly like 8 years (20 if you don't count the sss remake) since he got that opportunity man give it to him again#if it's to thwart bowser's plans also give the bros a heavy scene where mario's trying to convince luigi not to go through with this#because he's terrified of losing him again#all the while luigi's in peach's dress and a wig#literally i just want an excuse to see luigi in peach's dress in hd coupled with more bro angst#mario movie spoilers
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My mum still works at my old primary school and every piece of news I hear about it is how it's going to the dogs
#the new head has stopped the school orchestra#that's been going for at least nearly 20 years by the way#it's such a shame because a they risk losing one of their best teachers and two it used to be known for being a really musical school#even the old head didn't touch the orchestra and she tried to shut down the year 6 end of year musical
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✌🏻
#so for my job I have to go to a lot of crime scenes and talk with witnesses blah blah blah a lot of the time it’s in an unsafe area and I#I always try to do my job in a safe way managing the different factors like timing but I always get the work done#so much so that last week I was asked to go canvas an area I had already been to to canvas five other times for a murder and had seen drug#deals and robbery and fights and all that go on while I was there#and I brought up that it wasn’t a good time for us to be there we weren’t safe at that time and I was told I needed to suck it up and do#what was needed for the case#flash forward to a few minutes ago my supervisor came to talk to me about another case#for a murder that I had previously talked about being upset about because I had walked by the place it happened 20 minutes before the murder#and was told that it doesn’t bother anyone else and basically to suck it up#so for this case the attorney had gone to my supervisor and told him that she thinks I’m ineffective at my job and she believes I’m afraid#to go out on the scene for investigative work because I’m a white girl#and my supervisor came to tell me that he’s going to be working with me on my cases for the time being to go out into the field and locate#witnesses and so on to show her that it doesn’t bother me and I’m not afraid#which like honestly all around this is fucking ridiculous I have done this job for nearly two years I have gone to the#site of multiple murders I have gone to witnesses addresses#I have been inside victims homes to talk with them all of this all alone#and honestly that attorney is a fucking bitch who has humiliated me for having feelings about cases before so it’s infuriating but hardly#surprising but the fact that my supervisor thought this was a legit enough concern to now go with me on my cases and go through all the#steps I’ve done and everything I just feel so disrespected and not valued#last week I took last minute leave because the cases were bothering me too much and everyone was telling me I needed to get over it and it#doesn’t bother them which like sorry but I feel like having to see someone’s brains on the pavement is upsetting#and it feels like I’m being edged out because I have human feelings about our cases#even though I have done this work and done it well for two years#I’m just really sad and angry about it
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