#it is an exercise machine so…

[why-is-thinking-so-hard]

with it being aaa week(which i am thanking all the fic authors so much i am being fed more than my grandma was trying to feed me this past week) i was rewatching aaa on the plane and im not sure why im fixating on this, but ralph said agatha could keep his bowflex. my father has a bowflex and i have used it to work out.

agatha would not know how to use it, she would not want to use it and even if she did, i have a feeling she’d use it incorrectly on purpose. most realistically she’d ignore the thing but her most in character actual USE of the damn thing would probably be as some kind of torture device which is on brand for the bowflex.

i can also imagine rio laying on top of the cables, i dont know, she and agatha find a way to have sex on that thing even tho its so uncomfortable. i still use it but really only because its there, i used to think it was so cool when i was a kid and i would try and use it but now that i actually work out with it i know that its not great on the wrists-

this was supposed to be about agatha, but ralph’s mention of a bowflex triggered something i might need to talk about in therapy, the point here is that agatha would assume a bowflex is a torture device and she and rio would likely fuck on it

[sm64mario]

Can you not say that

[floorpancakes]

just thought abt the concept of doumeki being a love bullet cupid and fell to my knees idc if he doesn't match the lore qualifications it being canon that cupids back in the day used to all be archers is too good to miss

[bromcommie]

man I hate being reliant on technology because most days I’m like “look at me getting shit done without my phone! I love touching grass and being an independent human being!” and then other days like today I find out my dog chewed through my computer charger when I was supposed to get so much work done tonight and I want to brain myself with a very large rock immediately

[28dayslater]

The one thing I've never ever understood and will always think is mass gaslighting against me is endorphins after exercise. Not once in my life has any form of exercise made me feel good. I went gym for a bit a few years ago bc my mum had a free membership and I'd try hard do an hour of cardio maybe some sit ups and squats and come out thinking jesus that was hell on earth I wish I was dead

[doom-dreaming]

Cheerful Oblivion

Thought that I was hungry for love… Maybe I was just hungry for blood. **********

I met a woman in a club once. Years ago. Can’t get her out of my head. If I didn’t still have the napkin with her number on it… Well. Would’ve been easy to assume I dreamed the whole thing up.

It was a miserable night to be out. Rain was coming down in buckets, flooding the streets. Could almost hear it over the music, pelting the roof. But there she was. Filling the entire doorway. No coat. No umbrella. Nothing but a black tank top and jeans that looked too tight to be comfortable. Soaked to the bone, dripping wet, faded blue-raspberry-bright hair plastered to her neck. She looked like she’d dragged herself straight out of the ocean. In hindsight, maybe she had.

********** England is only ever gray or green. The girls glitter, Striding glorious and coatless in the rain. I remember falling through these streets, Somewhat out of place, if not for the drunkenness… It makes my chest hurt to think of it, Not of regret, but of missing that… …cheerful oblivion… **********

I remember the way she stood there, caught under spotlight rays of blue and green, the rain on her face sparkling like diamonds… She looked like an angel. Could’ve been. Probably wasn’t. More than likely…something else.

She didn't belong there. In the club. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way. Maybe philosophical. She didn't really seem like she belonged anywhere. But I could see it in her eyes, almost fluorescent blue under the lights. To her, it didn’t matter where she belonged. What mattered was where she wanted to be. And she wanted to be there. In that club. On that night.

I’d never been afraid of being noticed by a beautiful woman. I craved it. Don’t we all? This was different. She was different. Never felt my blood run colder than the second our eyes locked. It felt like being hunted.

********** It was not all pain and pavement slick with rain, And shining under lights from shitty clubs, And doing shitty drugs, And hugging girls that smelled like Britney Spears and…coconuts… **********

She flowed through the crowd like water, parting the proverbial sea, leaving a wake of awestruck stares. If she knew she was the center of attention, she didn’t care. She was a full head taller than anyone else, a titan amongst mere mortals. Muscles rippled when she moved. Wet skin shimmered. I tried not to stare, I really did. Couldn’t help myself. I could’ve watched her for days.

She swept ashore at the bar, smelling like petrichor and oil slicks. Ordered a drink. Smiled down at me, sitting so small a million miles beneath her. There was nothing human about that razor-sharp flash of teeth.

She asked if I wanted another drink. Hadn’t realized I’d finished the one in my hand. I nodded. Couldn’t find my voice. Tab’s on me, she’d said. Not here for long, least I can do. After tonight, you’ll never see me again.

********** And with your mermaid hair and your teeth so sharp, You crawled from the sea to break that sailor’s heart. You only get one night upon the shore, So dance like you’ve never danced before. And the dance floor is filling up with blood, But, oh Lord, you’ve never been so in love… **********

I asked her where she was from. She laughed, a harsh bark of a thing that ripped out of her throat like it hurt. Nowhere. I asked for her name. She didn’t answer. But that animal grin flashed back, a bright white scar across her face. For no reason, I thought about moths. And flames.

We stopped talking. Kept drinking. Started dancing. God, the way she moved. Like a machine. Like a predator. Like a ballerina. Equal parts precision, power, beauty.

I couldn’t keep up. She didn’t seem to care. I was a prop. A plaything. An entertaining little toy, something to keep her distracted. From what, I didn’t know. But it didn’t matter. It felt like an honor.

********** And the mermaids they come once a year, They climb the struts of Brighton Pier, They come to drink, they come to dance, To sacrifice a human heart. And the world is so much wilder than you think. You haven’t seen nothin’ ‘til you seen an English girl drink… **********

I do still see her. Sometimes. In my dreams. In those hazy amber-clad memories. It’s hard to know what was real. Don’t know who she was. Or what she was.

Never did call that number. Not sure she’d really wanted me to. Probably for the best. I get the feeling that if we’d been in that club alone together… She would’ve eaten me alive.

And I think I would've let her.

[vraska-theunseen]

just realized being buff would require exercising??? and having.... discipline?? and endurance?? fucked up

[terresdebrume]

Body update: it turns out that after about a year (ish) of trying to eat more healthily and avoiding fast food, my body cannot handle some of the meals I used to enjoy anymore

I had a burger last week at DND and was sick, and I thought it was bc the burger particularly greasy, but then when I ordered from my usual place today (less horrendously greasy but still, you know, a fast food burger) I actually kinda stopped enjoying it three bites in and had to put in some effort to finish it x)

Oh well

[lighthouseas]

"just ask chatgpt" can you think for yourself. please. please can you just think for yourself for one second

[greencloakedfae]

I just want to write Thomas analysis and Nell character study and instead I am over stimulated cause a chainsaw hasn't shut up for the last 5 hours and I can't find research papers that are relevant to the fucking project

[nataliescatorrccio]

The self-care people were right. Exercising does help with your mood

[crow-with-a-knife]

Gym day and jesus fuck I cant walk up stairs or down stairs or get up or sit down. Mission accomplished. Will be back soon.

[hybridzizi]

I'm still grumpy about how the ADHD screening does this! Most of the questions were originally "Does your child..." and when they adapted it to ask adults about their own experiences they put seemingly no thought into whether the internal experience of a thing matches how it looks from the outside!

No! I do not feel like I am being driven by a motor! No one with ADHD that I have ever asked feels like they are being driven by a motor! I feel like I am keeping so, so, so still! So still! I am devoting insane amounts of attention to being still! I am a tightly coiled spring and if that spring were released maybe that motor thing would apply, but it's not. The energy is all potential. I am holding. Still.

I feel like I would have been diagnosed with OCD a lot earlier if the vast majority of screening questions (for mental illnesses in general) weren't based on the person's perception of their own behavior, in isolation. and what i mean by that is asking someone with OCD "do you wash your hands excessively?" is not a good question.

a person with OCD believes they are washing their hands the correct number of times. it's not excessive. we believe we're exhibiting best practices and helping to keep everything clean.

better questions might be, "does it seem like you wash your hands a lot more than your friends or family?" "do you get dry patches or cuts on your hands from washing your hands?" "do you find it deeply distressing, more so than how you've seen other people react, when you get something on your hands that you can't clean off right away?"

being asked "are you overly preoccupied with bugs, symmetry, and contamination?" also got "no" responses from me years ago in my life. what they didn't ask for, and didn't know, was what *exactly* I was doing in my day to day life that genuinely ate up my time and mental space to a concerning degree, but I *didn't know* that other people don't do this.

"do you spend a lot of time cleaning?" -> no, it's not a lot. it's a good amount. why?

"do you become frustrated because it seems like no one else meets your organizational and cleanliness standards - do you often 'take over' for other people because they can't do it right - do new friends seem surprised by how strict you can be about your living space?" -> oh. yeah. yeah I get it now.

[banishingsigils]

because i have something severely wrong with me, i ran 2 miles and lifted weights today. i squatted 175 lbs which is a personal best for me! but i'll check back tomorrow about how sore i am.

[roses-and-elixir]

.

[victory-cookies]

my parents (in their growing fitness obsession) have a cable machine and now a heavy bag so I just worked out with them for the first time and boy am I out of shape