#it is maladaptive now that you are free from the situation and the compromise for your safety is no longer necessary

[atypical-irritant]

I'm glad to see that, from what I can tell, the general view of persecutors has gotten much better than what I remember it being years ago. This strange "malicitor" shit is new, but what perspective change doesn't come with stubborn rebranding or two? Always with the stragglers hell-bent on insisting their situation is different/worse.

A bit of advice from a semi ex-persecutor; if you have a violent and/or destructive alter who, no matter how hard you try, still torments others, that doesn't mean they're some ceaselessly malicious entity or whatever new term you want to make to separate from the idea they perhaps are that way for a reason. Yes, even if you did everything "right" like being gentle, trying to come to compromises, offering privileges and things they might want, asking what it is they want or need, etc. and they still won't relent.

We don't all respond well to the usual advice. In fact, if I were them, it'd all feel completely manipulative; like I was being bribed or coaxed into silence. That's not to say that's the intent, but it may as well be. Of course, it's normal to see a threat and want it to stop, but sometimes there isn't some secret, unspoken need they're maladaptively trying to voice or some misguided attempt at protecting themselves/the system. Sometimes the violence IS the point and any attempt to make them palatable will only piss them off.

That doesn't make them any more evil than any other alter in that system. They have their reasons and approaching them with the end goal of changing their behavior may very well be why they never will. If all you see is pointless violence and a need for it to end, that could be viewed as needing them to end. And honestly, maybe you do want them gone and to be done with them. Fair enough, but don't be surprised if the feeling is mutual.

Rather than approaching them with intent to change their behavior or blanketly label them beyond reproach, try understanding them and ask yourself if maybe there's a reason why someone in your system would be like that. Say what you will about barriers, but you share the same brain with them. That undoubtedly means somewhere, in some way, there's a connection between how they are and your system as a whole which seriously could use addressing.

Now, is it fair to demand people who are being antagonized, often even harmed and threatened, by someone they can't escape to accept them as they are and try to with them? No, but neither is it fair to lock someone away, demonize them, and label them beyond redemption because they didn't fit some arbitrary category or didn't respond to the typical "kill it with kindness" approach.

Feel free to keep making terms to try and justify your actions, but last I checked "repression" isn't typically a strategy used in a healthy context.

[cruelsister-moved]

girl how tf are you gonna say all that and then claim to be autistic have adhd nd be chronically ill. you deadass just said you didn’t believe in labeling mental illnesses. you also advocate for cptsd diagnoses over bpd but that would also be a label. yes one is more stigmatized but why not just say you don’t like bpd as a diagnosis instead of contradicting yourself?

didn't say that. please can you actually read what im saying. i have adhd and autism, those are labels. im mostly concerned with: 1. obfuscation of the relationship between trauma and traumatised behaviour. 2. obsessive and narrow focus on arbitrary profiles rather than engagement with an individual and their symptoms. and 3. pathologisation of harmless behaviour when exhibited by people who are 'in the system'.

personality disorders exemplify failures in all of these aspects - patients who are all expressing maladaptive coping mechanisms to long-term trauma beginning in childhood are both arbitrarily divided into subcategories which marginalise the role of trauma in their behaviour, AND have no attention paid to their individual needs in favour of an ever expanding roster of trauma-modifiers including 'the one where you also have autism' and 'the one where your psychiatrist thinks you're an arsehole'.

ODD is literally just the final step in a diagnostic system that abdicates all responsibility to even attempt to consider pathologised behaviour as a rational response to external circumstances and instead immediately pathologise any and all symptoms as irrational and internally defective.

like you form unhealthy attachments because you learned how to form attachments in a situation where forming healthy attachments was impossible and dangerous. the different ways people can exhibit unhealthy attachment behaviour is pretty surface level compared to the shared underlying cause, and the correct response in all of these cases is the same in terms of understanding of traumatic adaptations.

yes individuals would exhibit this in certain different ways but to use a clumsy metaphor, if two people are anaemic and one of them faints and the other gets migraines, they don't have different types of anaemia and the cure is the same so it'd be very silly to divide them by that.

so i yes advocate for cptsd diagnoses because I feel they much more directly address the root cause while allowing for individual variance, and encourage both the patients image of themselves as well as how they are seen by authority figures to be more autonomous and less essentialising.

although there are still issues in how all mentally ill people are treated + failure to address the systematic causes such as poverty and racism which i will also be critical of, i... hands down think a diagnosis of "you exhibit maladaptive behaviour due to past traumatic experiences" is infinitely more constructive than "ujhh idk your personality just kind of sucks" ?

[thefitty]

13 Reasons Why You’re Binging

You may or may not know, but I've had a strong, addictive relationship with food in the past that put me in a dark, dark place. Oh, it aches to see anyone go through what I've gone through.

In honor of the show, I've decided to list 13 Reasons Why You're Binging.

Which one of these resembles your case?

You’re low on dopamine. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter in the brain activating the reward system. It plays a huge role in your drive, motivation, and interest. Things that stimulate dopamine include food, novelty, and attractiveness. I found myself wanting to experience stimulation in a place where I felt emotionally grey and dead, so I turned to food for that sense of reward.

You’ve made it a habit. Somehow, one way or another, you’ve adopted this maladaptive behavior and your brain’s neurocircuitry is wired to take you to binging. Habits are easy, habits are automatic, and neurons that fire together, wire together. You’ve created a pattern that your brain is now comfortable with, and doesn’t want to change.

Lack of nutrients. Your body is craving specific nutrients and you’re trying to find them in food. For example, being low in magnesium could lead you to crave a chocolate bar.

You’re bored. Let’s be real: when we have nothing to do, we like to eat, watch tv, etc. This ties in closely with the lack of dopamine. When you’re bored, you’re seeking out stimulation, and food tends to be that stimulation.

You’re lonely. I’ve written in the past how I struggle with loneliness: even constantly asking myself, “what’s wrong with me?” when the truth is–nothing. It’s okay to feel lonely–ironically, you are not alone because we all feel lonely sometimes. Food turned to be a comrade in a time of need; but it also doesn’t fill the emotional void we are seeking for true human interaction.

You’re hurt. Ever feel angry enough at someone that you could just bite their head off? Research as proven that when we’re angry, we reach for crunchy foods. Chips, nuts, cheetos, anyone?

You’re a perfectionist that “screwed up” �� ever went on a diet, ate something not in line with the diet, and then decided that you’re going to keep screwing up the rest of the day and restart tomorrow? That’s quite a loophole! There’s no need to compound the negative eating all within a day–after all, weight loss is a journey and it’s not about being perfect 100% of the time! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen victim to thisloophole. though! FORGET ABOUT THIS DIET PERFECTIONISM! Perfectionism will set you up for binges.

You’re surrounded by a toxic environment. Social circles, a pantry full of junk food, and grandmas that constantly feed you (I gotta hand it to her, she’s a lovely cook, though) are just setting you up for failure! I won’t even mention that MacDonald’s is on every corner. Oh wait–Oops I just did. Place yourself in an environment you will thrive in. Out of sight, out of mind. Break off connections with people who don’t support your recovery from binge eating.

You’re overly hungry! Ever go shopping when you’re starving? Bad idea, right? Not only do you end up with more things in your cart than necessary but also you can’t help but stop by the candy aisle for some “samples”….

You’re rushing/eating too fast. This is a huge one for me; especially when I binge, it’s all about the fast and furious. This is also an issue when I realize that I’m going to be late for class. I’ve learned that it’s best to either grab something non-messy and eat that, or eat earlier so that i’m not rushing out the door having barely chewed my food. I actually got a stomachache from eating so much and so fast that the next few hours it wasn’t digesting properly and I felt tired the rest of the day. It takes at least 20 minutes for your brain to register fullness, so I would advise eating your meals for that length of period and then decide if you want seconds. Most of the time, you don’t. Oh, and also? Sit. The. Eff. Down.

You’re scared of showing your body. Okay, this one just got real deep, yo. It might be that you fear showing your body from some childhood trauma, perhaps sexual, physical, or verbal abuse. And so you remedy yourself with food emotionally, but also physically because subconsciously, you don’t want others to find you attractive. Secretly somehow, self-sabotage keeps you safe.

Your family encourages it. I don’t know about you, but in Chinese culture, we show love by SHOWERING you with food. Zong zi, dim sum, deepfried-everythings and sticky rice are what they would offer, for example, and they’d encourage you to eat. I know a lot of times you feel pressured to participate and “accept” their love by eating what they give you, but ultimately that is not respecting you, your health, and your body. Can’t we all show love in other ways? For me, I would love to have you say the words, “I love you. I care about you.” than eat their present. I get it–in some cultures we hold a lot of pride and it’s scary to be vulnerable like that–but there are so many other way we can express love. This is a hard one to battle because often you don’t want to hurt their feelings and have them be offended. Then you would feel all defensive and guilty. I would plainly try saying to them,  “I would eat this later but right now I’d rather spend my full attention on you.”

No reason. Brace yourselves, because this one is about to get real spiritual. And simple. You can binge, and not know why. Why do we choose to put on our left shoes before the right? Why do we choose to wear black instead of grey today? Life can be arbitrary, and that is okay. Must we have to understand and have to justify everything that  happens? Sometimes, it’s best to let it be and not analyze.

Binge eating is one of the worst demons I’ve ever had to face, and i’ll be honest–I still face it even today. I am much stronger than before and I’ve stopped the binging from ruling my life because I’ve learned to have control over it, than have it control me. I specialize in diet coaching (yes, I’m certified! :D), freeing women and young girls from the diet crazies–wouldn’t that be nice for a change to not have to life in fear of food and social settings, and start thriving in life? No, you don’t have to become “fat”, or “give up your goals”, I believe you shouldn’t have to compromise anything you want in life just because certain situations hold you back. With a little help, you can have everything you desire–never feel that you must limit yourself.

If this post spoke to you, send me an email at thefittyblog@gmail.com and we can connect and chat about ways I can support you.

Which of these reasons did you resonate with the most & how do you deal with it?

How do you deal with picky eaters in your life?

What did you think of 13 Reasons why?

What other TV shows have you been following?