#it makes me feel so much dread in an “holy shit this is good storytelling” kind of way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sapphire-innit · 3 years

Text

I'm not gonna apologize for there being a break because this is a hobby and I do this at my own pace lol. THAT SAID, let's hop back in!

Vod: Tommy's Exile Is Coming To A Close (rp) oh man here's the drowning again. At least Ranboo and Niki are greeting him in chat that's cute

of COURSE its raining lol, very Moody

...don't like that Tommy is actually looking forward to Dream visiting. The gaslighting is really setting in. He's not eating enough either

Tommy's always moving around, he's such an active character, so it REALLY hits when he freezes, even just for a moment or two. Yes this is in response to the funny Lazerbeam lava death comment that somehow turned very sad very quickly lol

He's very openly talking about his death too. And his skin is even worse I think, hes got SUCH bags under his eyes.. and ALSO THIS IS STILL HIM TALKING ABOUT HOW TO SEX 3 afdfd

Chat: "This is so sad and so funny at the same time" I saw that smirk cc!Tommy, you know exactly what you are doing!! LOL he broke face for juuuust a second cause that's EXACTLY the tone he's going for

I am a bit .. concerned about HTS3, because so far every time hes tried to write things down, its hmm. Been revealing to say the least

...I'm still nervous about when Dream is gonna log on, even while he's going on about the 'thinking palace'. Its... impressive how much I actually dread that, and how well they've conditioned me to expect it

adfsfdsfds Ranboo how did I laugh at that '''joke''' omg. Tommy was so happy to get mail though :( and yeah like I thought every time he tries to write things it gets sad. It's a really good storytelling device: cc!Tommy is using it to be more explicit and I think that's pretty clever actually

I can't help but wonder how carefully coordinated these exile streams are, especially this deep into the arc. Like, did cc!Tommy go on the discord before this and tell them to not visit today? Obviously Dream visits are coordinated, but I'm just a bit curious about the back end of things

"Visit Techno? no no, what would Dream think" >:(

"I wanna go and see someone, I wanna go somewhere, I wanna meet people. You know now and then it just re hits me that I actually, I actually just can't, can I" ;-;

He's self-soothing and it hurts

"My time with Tubbo has come and gone" "He chose against it" excuse me, just CRYING FOREVER NOW ;-; ;-; ;-;

...it really is disturbingly like a suicide note isn't it, with all this talk of it being his final thing to do

The days when he's not visited really set in the depression don't they? cc!Tommys still good at balancing the tone so it doesn't get too sad but SHEESH

Tommy's gotten pretty good at building actually, like he's not perfect or anything but the thinking palace looks pretty good for what it is

Its actually been half the stream without Dream thank fuck

...he's thinking about it, about going into the nether portal. GOD I'm so worried and upset because I DON'T want to see what Dream would do if he broke his exile, even knowing he wouldn't kill him most likely.

"Why did I do this, why did I make it harder for people to come visit me" !!! ahhhh realization of self-destructive tenancies fuck, and just after he almost visited L'manburg tooooo

"I'm going to revamp this, why did I do this???" *Immediately stares into the lava for SEVERAL seconds* f u c k

"Chat what is Tubbo's favorite block" Aaaaaaaaaaaa

:( :( Ranboo IMMEDIATELY willing to help WE STAN A TOMMY STAN

the fuckign GHASTS I'M!! what a tone switch!!! TOMMY WHY DO YOU NOT HAVE A BOW I MEAN I KNOW WHY BUT STILL afdfdf

those fucking jumps in the path scare me and now there's a HOLE IN THE PATH this is so fucking DANGEROUS afdsfssdf someone is totally gonna fall in that

awww cc!Wilbur watching the stream even when hes away thats so sweet <3

"...and Ill put cobblestone in the middle and everyone will come see me!" does this feel like Bargaining to anyone else? Just me? alright...

"And then we fight, we fight for everything we have left" ;u;

NIKI!!!!!!

this is gonna go so poorly!!! I hate it!!! (also don't talk over her tho pls)

is Ranboo also in the chat? Ranboo & Niki friendship underrated for sure lol

"How have you been" "................good" you can see the decision to Lie omg adfsdf

ah actually getting a fire res potion BEFORE falling into lava, one can Hope

lol Ranboo and Niki having so much trouble getting back to spawn RIP them, FUNDY why did you take them so far away and then LEAVE

"how can I be with other people and still be so alone" oof yeah thats the true bitch about what Dream's doing isn't it :(

adsfsdfsf accidentally almost getting himself banned from Twitch ALSO HOLY SHIT TOMMYYYY DON'T JUMP LIKE THAT OMG

also who the heck was chanting "do a flip" in chat holy shit what is this thirst for blood

lol asking RANBOO of all people for hot takes adfsafdf

ohnoooo almost twitch ban NUMBER 2 aadfdfws

also who the fuck was spamming nsfw copy pasta in his chat adfsfd

LOL what is the drug conversation Niki is trying to do???? What is happening???? FUNDY WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM

"I feel too old to be in this conversation" MOOD NIKI, MOOD lmaooo I love you

adfdf Tommy how can you even be mean to Niki, shes so sweet and sounds so upset about it lol

do I even WANT to know what the Dream twitter drama was????

LOL always laugh when a cc bails out of a joke lmao its so funny to me for some reason

SHES RIGHT AND SHE SHOULD SAY IT!!!!!!!! BEST HOT TAKE, REDDIT SUCKS LMAOOO ABSOLUTELY CORRECT

he keeps almost spleefing Ranboo adfdsfs

aww lol he actually is being careful after being told off lmao ohnooooo "That was worse than the time Wilbur shouted at me for being in his office. It's like being told off by the quiet teacher" NIKI IS SO DISTRESSED omg adfdsfdswfds

I think cc!Tommy did not realize the power that he wields....

OH NIKI'S SKIN IS SO CUTE!!!!

"Just a really long cross, Jesus was tall!" omg Ranboo that was actually clever

lol and now Jack is here ! nice

"Do a flip" CHAT WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

#dream smp #dream smp liveblog #tommyinnit #ranboo #nihachu #dsmp exile arc #abuse tw #suicide tw

65 notes · View notes

tossawary · 4 years

Text

Some random favorite lines (with commentary) of Chapter 20: “The Other Shoe” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” because I’m doing a re-read. Not a full list or full commentary.

AN: I actually really like the title of this chapter. It’s a reference to the saying, “Waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Both in regards to the arrival of SVSSS’s other transmigrator and to the sudden, forced System World Update that happens because SQH’s been breaking the world too much.

One of Mu Qingfang’s glowing hands is on the man’s bared stomach, while another rests on his chest, and Shen Qingqiu bares his teeth in agony. Mu Qingfang is speaking very quickly to the people around him - voice sharp with urgency and brow furrowed with intense concentration - giving instructions to his patient, his head disciple at his side, and his sect leader.

Yue Qingyuan is kneeling beside Shen Qingqiu, hunched and desperate and wild-eyed, letting the other man squeeze all life and feeling from his fingers, the both of them holding on for dear life.

AN: My feelings towards YQY, SQQ, and Qijiu have their ups and downs, but I’m always firmly convinced that they care. If they cared less, if they were both more vulnerable people, maybe they could actually talk about it.

The young man has short hair - short hair - short enough that the tips only just cover the top of his ears. That’s one of the many haircuts Shang Qinghua thinks about wistfully every time the weather gets too fucking hot for fancy long hair. The kid turns to look at Shang Qinghua, clearly terrified, wide-eyed behind his glasses. Glasses! Semi-rimless glasses with bright blue frames! And to top it all off, the kid is barefoot and wearing patterned pyjamas, with buttons and a breast pocket, and just the sight of them is nearly enough to knock Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky back on his ass.

Modern hair. Modern glasses. Modern clothing.

AN: Why give SY piercings? Idk, because it’s fun. That’s it. Here’s some young punk with a cool haircut and cool piercings and also glasses and button-down patterned pyjamas, who likes to read shitty stallion novels for the monsters and the emotional arcs and negative development of the sexy protagonist.

Shang Qinghua launches forward and grabs the transmigrator - holy fucking shit, the transmigrator - by the arms. The transmigrator wobbles under Shang Qinghua’s hands, which makes Shang Qinghua’s skin crawl in sympathy and “get me the fuck away from this thing” horror, but there’s something there - something mostly there - to hold. The kid struggles, but he’s not strong and not heavy, and Shang Qinghua is arguably a little bit more than human at this point.

AN: They are both... SO FAR from home.

Flashy and attention-grabbing? Yes. Probably a crime against graphic design? Also yes. Ahhh, Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky probably thought it was cool! But it’s been… ehhh… a few decades in the world itself has given Shang Qinghua some opinions and different tastes. Super nostalgic! But, like, in a very bad, dread-inducing, “a haunting image from another life”, and “someone just walked over my grave” way.

AN: It is immensely funny to me to imagine someone being genuinely (and for good reason) haunted by some shitty web-novel banner. It’s like picturing a “Modern Character in Naruto” Self-Insert knee-deep in some extremely bloody ninja wars and then being confronted by the Naruto title design again.

The dissonance of experiences!

“...You’re… you’re a transmigrator,” the kid says.

Being found out is definitely one of the Top Ten Worst Transmigration Crimes, so far as Shang Qinghua has been able to pierce them together from his System’s disapproval. But, ahhh, it looks like Shang Qinghua’s own System has just done that for him! What the fuck are rules or reality anymore?

“For my sins,” he answers.

AN: Says the Author God of this world, Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky.

"So! You're a reader?" Shang Qinghua asks. "A fan?"

"I wouldn't say 'fan',” the kid grumbles, lifting his chin while still visibly trembling. “What's the other option? Someone who didn't waste hours of their life on a stallion novel written by someone with no taste and the writing skills of a grade-schooler? A ‘non-reader’?" The kid's eyes narrow. "The author?"

Shang Qinghua is both mildly hurt and reluctantly impressed. “Ah, wow, you’re sharp,” he says. “An anti-fan, then? Hey, that’s fine, it was kind of all the same to me, really.”

The kid blinks at him, apparently surprised to be right. “You’re… Airplane?”

AN: SY can be a complacent guy sometimes, but he can also be sharp sometimes too. It’s a fun balance.

He’s been here, alone, for decades. If there are more transmigrators, Shang Qinghua is going to scream. In fact, it’s really unfair that he’s not screaming now! He would really, really, really like to start panicking now! He’s having a day here! Except the kid currently has the “allowed to panic” ball right now. Dying (Shang Qinghua assumes), transmigration, almost becoming Shen Qingqiu, and getting a broken transmigration instead? That’s a lot of bad news in very quick succession! Shang Qinghua doesn’t want to set the kid off or make an even worse first impression by having a much-deserved breakdown.

He’ll have his breakdown later in private, like a responsible adult.

AN: SQH has the “Responsible Adult” Override here.

“The time and place for your appearance wasn’t good,” Shang Qinghua admits. “But I can come up with something for a mysterious backstory. I have some pull here, you know. There are lots of teleportation plot-devices lying around. You’re an escapee from somewhere, fleeing… ah, something. Someone, maybe! Hey, you pretend to have amnesia about the whole thing and we call it a day! If we’re lucky, you get lost in the shuffle!”

“Amnesia,” the kid repeats, unimpressed.

“It’s cliché because it’s a classic, Cucumber-Bro.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a Proud Immortal Demon Way background character with potential for an interesting story, but who gets abandoned in favor of papapa plotlines and fades away into non-existence!”

AN: Cucumberplane banter is just fun.

“Hey, want to learn to cultivate? You can learn to cultivate!”

“With your cultivation system?” the kid says, unimpressed and wary, but he’s totally considering it. Flying swords are pretty tempting!

Kids love the flying swords!

AN: SQH is definitely trying to pull a “hey, shiny thing!” tactic.

“...The System will look after you,” Shang Qinghua says.

The kid squints at him. “What?”

“I was lying before,” Shang Qinghua lies. “I just didn’t want to do the update. Yeah, it’s actually going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine, bro.”

Now the kid called Peerless Cucumber looks like he doesn’t know whether to be relieved or furious; he looks like he’s managing both at once pretty well. “You’re only looking out for yourself here, aren’t you?” he says icily. “It’s like you really are Shang Qinghua.”

“The one and only,” Shang Qinghua agrees.

AN: There’s a lot I like about this moment. Shang Qinghua lying to comfort Shen Yuan in the face of the unknown. Shen Yuan being prickly again and pulling out another insult. Airplane honestly being the only Shang Qinghua there’s ever been in this world. He really is Shang Qinghua now! This is his life!

He needs to think that he has some control over the life he is living right now and has been living for decades now. This is a life that he really doesn’t want to see actually become the shitty story he wrote.

Shang Qinghua grabs the kid by the arm and makes for th

AN: This was mean, but it was also a lot of fun. I’ve had AO3 glitches before. Time to mimic them now in a serial storytelling format for tension!

#tossawary svsss #pride is not the word #tossawary commentary

41 notes · View notes

sokkathebluewolf · 4 years

Note

A review Why you do that? Making Sokka mention 28 in his vows now everyone think he slept around after the best time of his life? They both dont deserve this June slaves Hina Tylee now this Please don't make more girls fall for him involve with him feels like the whole fic turned around this Haru deserves better Tylee is flirting around

Don't get me wrong This is your fic and you can do anything you feel fit I'm merely giving an opinion ''cause Gladiator has things which you handled the best There is a Reason for this success I just hope this plus 1 girl thing in Sokkla relationship Stops But I always respect you with your great work(:

You do realize how utterly laughable it is to tell me “DON’T MAKE MORE GIRLS FALL FOR HIM IT FEELS LIKE THE WHOLE FIC IS TURNING AROUND” and then say “you can do anything you feel fit, I respect your work (:”, right?

This is not respect. This is not “constructive criticism”. This is not an opinion so important and valuable that it warrants being repeated about a million times across A YEAR. Most people? They give out their opinions, negative or positive, ONE TIME, and leave it be, because what matters to them is CONVEYING how they feel, not forcing a writer to constantly explain themselves or write whatever they would be comfortable with. Actually? Most people who have given me negative opinions so far have been like that, except one guy who was outright flaming my story because he wanted to wank to it, and he couldn’t believe he had to read 97 chapters to finally reach the smut. That I’m comparing you to this reader and reviewer is PROBABLY a bad sign, don’t you think?

Sokka didn’t MENTION 28: Sokka acknowledged his past mistakes because he’s a grown man who knows to feel remorse when he hurts people he loves. That he brings up having hurt her, to this day, isn’t in the purpose of going “HEY HEY AZULA REMEMBER WHEN I BROKE YOUR HEART LOL”, it’s in the purpose of saying: “I’ve learned from my mistakes and, as it has been for YEARS, I will devote myself to NEVER hurting you again”. That, anon, is a PERFECTLY VALID SENTIMENT for a wedding vow, and one that requires far more character growth and complexity than “Lol I’m so happy we were both virgins because that is the only kind of pure love that has ever been valid in the universe, anything else doesn’t count”.

Hell, you’ve literally made me go right back to the chapter to look at what he says, exactly: “I messed things up between us over my damn stupidity”, he... is literally beating himself up about this. To this day. He’s not talking about it proudly. And yet you’re here complaining as though he were?

SPOILER: More people will have feelings for Sokka in future chapters. In fact, I want to make it even MORE people than I’d originally planned after receiving all these asks. I’d rather derail my story into something you can’t stomach reading than cater to you. Azula will outright JOKE about being “jealous” in a future chapter, and Sokka will know it’s a joke! :D And I’m NOT lying about this to mess with you, it IS going to happen and your persistent asks absolutely WON’T make me alter my content. And why is it going to happen, you’ll ask? Why, because nice, charming, charismatic guys like Sokka attract people whether they want to or not. It’s what they DO about attracting others what matters to me! :’) And that Sokka rejects other people who attempt to be with him should be, I think, a much more important message about loyalty to someone you love than “I ONLY EVER ATTRACTED ONE PERSON IN MY LIFE AND MARRIED THEM”. Because I know that’s virtually the only thing you appear willing to accept, going by the first ask.

And holy crap, Ty Lee is... flirting around? Flirting around... with Haru. The guy she’s in a committed relationship with, whom she’s going to marry. The whole situation is meant to be insanely ironic considering Ty Lee is with the guy she SHOULD be with but it looks like it’s something else? (Hell, nobody even KNOWS it was Ty Lee, Mei Xun didn’t stick around long enough to discover the woman’s identity, so her reputation’s actually safe?) But you’re just so emotionally compromised by anything regarding Sokka being with anyone else, even if it’s 1. not true because he’s MILES away, with Azula 2. a joke 3. a plot device for a FUTURE EVENT, that you just can’t grasp this irony at all?

Ty Lee, by design in this story, has ALWAYS been pretty damn liberal about flirting and relationships. Despite we’ve mainly just heard such relationships mentioned on the side, rather than witnessing them directly, she is objectively the cast member who’s had the most relationships, whether serious or casual or just occasional, with other people. And even then, she’s getting married. Even when she’s had so many people in her past, she’s settling down with Haru for good. And Haru? Haru is THRILLED. Because he loves her. Because she loves him. Because HER past does NOT have a single thing to do with THEIR future. And yet you seriously read these chapters, where Ty Lee is having a lot of fun with her fiancé, and your brain just translated this as “OMG TY LEE IS A SLUT HARU DESERVES BETTER!”? Seriously?

I feel like I’m getting asks from a childish version of Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy. Everything that isn’t straightforward needs to be explained point by point, apparently, and even then, you don’t get it. I literally went to literature school and was told to write intelligent fiction so readers would feel compelled to unravel its complexities themselves... apparently that was a big fat lie? :’) Your persistence actually has convinced me that it is.

Oh and, for future reference (because I KNOW you’ll come back, that’s all you ever do): not because you throw compliments at me later to “cushion” your complaint does it mean you’re respecting me and my story. You can’t slap someone in the face and then go “Oh your cheeks are so plump that I bet it doesn’t hurt”. You can’t just disregard my request that you keep these sorts of questions to my PERSONAL blog rather than the fic’s blog, and pretend you respect me. You can’t come to me time after time with the same complaints and attitude, watch how I’ve basically gone from initially responding with discomfort (because, in my personal blog, there are MANY asks that predate yours, where I’d already explained my reasoning to someone else who apparently didn’t get it, which means the subject wears me out, A LOT), then seeing that I started ignoring your asks, then seeing I closed the inbox so I could regain some sense of normalcy in my life that you refused to let me reclaim, and then seeing that I’m answering with outright hostility, and pretend that it’s ME who has a problem.

If someone I respected responded in any similar manner to ANYTHING I said to them, I’d basically feel like shit and never talk to them again because I don’t want to be a burden or a problem for someone whom I value in any way. You, apparently, would rather be a problem, and to no avail, because all you’re achieving so far is convincing me to continue writing things that will make you riot until you stop reading my story. If you CAN’T stop reading regardless of the horrifying, amoral, dreadful decisions I’ve made? Congratulations: you still don’t have the right to tell me what to do with my story. And until you GENUINELY understand that, your compliments don’t mean anything to me. I have readers I value who have conveyed complaints, MANY TIMES, in an actual respectful manner. Readers who are even bothered by the same thing you are. And yet I’m even FRIENDS with them. Imagine that :’) It’s almost like the problem isn’t having whatever opinion you do... but rather, the intent of IMPOSING your opinion constantly and persistently until you’ve driven me to lash out as bluntly and cruelly as I may! To the point I’m outright saying I’m going to rewrite my story into becoming EVERYTHING you don’t want it to be so you leave me alone!

And if you’re not the one who’s been here for a year, and this is not really an echo chamber (despite all of these messages have the same complaints, wording, tone, format, style, punctuation and grammar mistakes), yet you SAW that other people have been doing this for a long time, and thought it was PERFECTLY FINE to join the party? You’re no less of an asshole than the rest of them. No matter if it’s your first time voicing your “opinion”. Because it’s NOT about what you’re saying: it’s about HOW you’re saying it. It’s about trying to guilt trip me into writing whatever you want and claiming the story is going off the rails because something makes you personally uncomfortable. This is NOT objective criticism. This is SUBJECTIVE, ENTIRELY. This isn’t a real problem in storytelling, it’s a personal problem for you because it clashes with your moral values. And NO ONE is forcing you to continue consuming content that goes against your moral values, you’re choosing to do that yourself.

If you’re to live by any of the words you said in these two asks, make it “This is your fic and you can do anything you feel fit”. Because that’s literally what I’m going to do. It’s what I’ve done over EVERY complaint in poor faith I’ve gotten, ranging from “quit writing so much happiness it’s boring” to “where’s the sex you prude”. And it’s what I intend to continue doing. What kind of criticism do I value? “This particular scene features a factually contradictory line with a previous event”, such as Zuko claiming he never went to Sokka’s house when he in fact did, and I plain and simple FORGOT about it. What more kinds of criticism do I value? “You need to work out the Gladiator League’s system better because it’s not a solid business venture”, and this one was right? And yet it was too late to fix it, despite it’s 100% spot-on and I should’ve worked it out way better than I did. Another? “Sokka may have gotten over the fact that Azula captured him and tossed him in a slave market too easily”, because? It’s a perfectly valid sentiment? I disagree because Sokka is canonically shown to get over grudges relatively quickly, and yet I CAN see why it seems too fast for some people. What else do I value? Maybe suggestions on wording problems! I’ve made a lot of stupid wording mistakes, in virtue of being a non-native speaker. I’ve done my best to amend those, but it’s a work in progress even now.

Point and case being: in literature, and thus, in fanfiction? Constructive criticism isn’t “WRITE WHAT I WANT TO READ BECAUSE I WANT TO BE PERFECTLY COMFORTABLE WITH ALL I CONSUME”. Constructive criticism is given by people who KNOW storytelling. So I’d only consider it constructive criticism if it’s given by people who can read those chapters and see that the ENTIRE purpose of that conflict is to trigger growth and development as both Sokka and Azula realize their own mistakes and shortcomings with each other. So, someone who’s giving actual constructive criticism wouldn’t come to my inbox a million times with the same complaint... someone who’s giving constructive criticism would come to my inbox, ONE TIME, and say “Hey, maybe this alternative to conveying Azula is instinctively jealous over her canonical insecurities about being a monster and earning people’s love and loyalties COULD have been preferable, despite I know you can’t change that anymore as it’s fundamental for your story”, or “Hey, I thought of another way for Sokka to convey that he realized their interest in each other could result in something TERRIBLE if they ever acted on their feelings, a way for him to not act on that specific impulse to flirt with Suki to push away Azula, but to act on ANOTHER, believable, IC Sokka-compliant impulse that might still convey exactly what you needed to”. But again, even if it were complaints like THESE? I can’t change anything anymore. It’s TOO LATE. If I think it’s too late to fix Zuko saying “lol I never went to Sokka’s house” when it’s not true? It’s WAY TOO LATE to rewrite chapters that are over SEVEN years old, and I don’t even want to do it to begin with. But I WOULD concede these criticisms. I would accept them. I wouldn’t consider them offensive to me, or my work, or disrespectful in any way.

Constructive criticism is NOT about forcing an author to agree with you, or to do whatever you ask them to. Constructive criticism is about helping an author convey what they were conveying in a better, smoother way. If you CAN’T understand what the author was conveying? You don’t qualify for offering constructive criticism. If you need explanations as to why the author did anything they did? You’re, again, not qualified to offer constructive criticism. Your criticism, in any such cases, is NOT constructive, no matter what you’re telling yourself. This is a VERY important distinction, and one you can’t pretend isn’t valid just by throwing a bunch of compliments at me after telling me I’m ruining my story.

Until the day you DO understand the difference between constructive criticism, and subjective complaints? Your opinions will not be considered valuable enough to affect my story in a positive way. And the more disrespectful you show yourself, by continuing to disregard my DIRECT request for you to stop coming back with these complaints, as well as the direct request to stop sending these questions to this blog? The less your opinions will count for me. I don’t bend over backwards for anyone. And I’m definitely not going to do it for you.

#anon #ask #how long will it be this time #before you return?#I should hold a betting poll #I might actually become rich #that'd be the only silver lining for all the crap you've given me for a year

4 notes · View notes

rockettransman · 5 years

Text

MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT ROCKETMAN

I HAVE SO MANY! HERE WE GO!

prelude: i went into this movie pretty jaded and not thinking i was gonna like it. in my head, i got john lennon and elton john confused. i was thinking it was about john lennon. “oh god, they made a movie about that prick?” further, i was already dreading it because they play EJ’s hits on the radio at work all the time, and frankly i was fucking sick of tiny dancer and im still standing. when i watched the trailer i was like “aw geez, elton john sings these? damn, i was hoping i could tolerate him at all.” so. not many high hopes for this movie.

that was until i was on a six hour flight from boston to portland, oregon, and i was delirious with pain and boredom. i was sat in the middle of a father and daughter, and so i really didn’t wanna pull out my laptop and get in their space. reading the subtitles from the office off the airplane tv made me sick. the lights were off and it was 2 am, so no reading. i. was. BORED. and then, i saw someone watching something in the row in front of me. where i was sitting i got a whole view of their screen. oh, they were watching that elton john movie. they didn’t have subtitles on, so i could only take from visual and context clues what was happening. it looked flashy, and oh-- that man just stared lovingly, tenderly into another man’s eyes. oh shit. oh yeah. elton is gay.

now i’m hooked. if i’m anything, i’m a trans man in a desperate search for a complex queer romance movie. i wanted something that would pull on my heartstrings, that would wreck me emotionally with a high reward. suddenly elton is staring at himself in full garb, putting on and taking off his glasses. smiling then frowning. glasses on. smile. glasses off. scowl. oh he’s in distress. oh, is he snorting coke? okay, cool, tight.

from here on out, i watch the movie with (no audio) the predisposition that elton is in severe distress, dealing with drugs and self-sabotage all because his feelings and attraction towards men are confusing and frustrating and he doesn’t know how to cope with them. is he in denial? does he hate himself for it? does he try to make himself attracted to women? obviously, i was incorrect. elton was pretty secure in the fact that he was gay in his personal life.

i think about rocketman for days until my flight back to sarasota. i decide to watch rocketman on the plane back instead of renting it. but for some reason, my goblin brain told me to rent it, and i did. but i ended up just watching it on the plane anyway.

i was disappointed. really, kinda bummed about it. every article and review said it was R for a reason. there was plenty sexual content and drugs to do elton’s real life comparison justice. in the movie i watched, i saw none of it. there was some drinking of alcohol, he took pills, it was implied he snorted coke. i saw no kissing, no intimacy, not even a tender hand on a cheek or embrace between elton and another man. this movie was praised for being so groundbreaking! for representing so much of what elton’s life was really like, with drugs and sex and all that. and now that i thought about it, i heard not one curse word. “bloody” was tossed around a lot, but that is used as an inflection. and during the pool scene before he throws himself in, when he meets john at the deck, he spits something about “his secretary shagging him in front of the pool boys.” that had me in utter confusion. there... was no one there with john? he was just sitting there? must’ve been something i missed.

SO IT TURNS OUT THE AIRPLANE’S VERSION OF THE MOVIE WAS HEAVILY CENSORED. i watched the real thing when i got home yesterday and was FLOORED by the differences in the same movie i had just watched. in the scene where elton remarks he’d like to change his name, they completely edited out the character behind him peeing into a glass bottle. they also cut out the scene where elton is staring at the performer, being yelled at to close the door, and the kiss where he’s pinned against the wall. holy fuck. i realized when i saw that, i had missed something MAJOR. this meant i was missing some MORE major explicit, probably important-to-the-plot-and-character-development stuff. oh, now i was excited.

(we could talk all day about the fact that a single kiss between two men was cut because it was deemed “too explicit”, and in a movie about elton john being the ultimate irony)

the sex scene AND take me to the pilot were completely missing in the airplane version. i had no idea this song existed! oh my god, it was a banger! i cried tears of happiness during the song. holy shit. the tense energy between he and john, standing there silhouetted by the window, and then all of a sudden they’re all over each other, fingers tangled in hair, moaning into each other’s mouths, squirming, trying to get as close to each other as possible. this is what i wanted. this is what i was looking for. not because i was looking for something “hot” or “dirty.”’ i wanted an intense sex scene because then i knew it was real. i wanted the desperation, the nerves, the tender way they cradled each other, and how they went to town on each other. it was elton’s first time being intimate with a man, and it was such a nerve-wracking, intense, lustful, desperate moment. taron and richard absolutely nailed it. The swaying and the leaning into each other, the grabbing and nuzzling and all of a sudden they’re all over each other... it honest to god moved me. not to sound too “grew-up-baptist”, but sex, especially the first time you have it is so special and intimate and personal and important (imo). i know all the times i’ve had sex, it was a very, very special moment to me, and i wholly and completely trusted my partner then. i was so happy elton could find security and love and a heckin good time in bed with another man. it must’ve felt so freeing.

This was between two men! In the smack dab of the AIDS crisis in like 1975 or some shit! If being queer is this fucking tough in 2019, imagine what it was like in 1975!! MILLIONS of people were left to die by eat-shit Raegan who say by and said “aw that’s cute.” MILLIONS of people died for loving who they love!! That’s fucked man!! Seeing a triumphant moment like this in the middle of what was happening and what it could mean for Elton and his career just rly got me ya know

my entire perspective of the movie changed from then on. i was excited to see what else i had missed. in fact, some of the songs weren’t bad. maybe i’d like some of elton’s stuff after all?

i missed the scene in the closet. on the airplane, he followed john into the closet and shut the door. the scene cut. but in the real version, suddenly john pinned him against the wall, mirroring the scene of the first kiss i missed, and elton lamely stutters he wants dinner with him, not a sexual act john was certainly looking for, and in the next moment he was hungrily snapping at his finger. i missed exactly how much coke elton snorted. i missed entire scenes and nuances that provided so much to the story. man, i was angry i missed all this. i was cheated.

when i finished the real version, my perspective on the movie, and elton, and his music, had spun an entire 180. i dug it. i listened to rocket man on repeat during the entirety of my forty minute run. i fell asleep listening to the soundtrack. i woke up today listening to it, and have been through the whole day. i have not been able to get this movie off my mind. im watching it for the third time right now.

WELCOME TO THE THIRD POINT OF THIS POST!

if you made it this far, thank you. what i wrote feels so important to me. someone needed to hear it. I WANNA TALK ABOUT THE ENTIRE ROCKETMAN SCENE. I have PTSD with psychotic features. This means that under the right triggers, i hallucinate, visually or auditorily (is that a word), things that aren’t there. sometimes they’re scary, connected to my past trauma, but sometimes, they’re hazy outlines of good people who i think i know. i also deal with all the lovely things that come along with ptsd, including dissociation. pretty much any and everything can trigger me in a specific way. the pool scene was incredibly difficult to watch. seeing a little boy playing piano underwater, him sinking and hovering and singing along, and people slowly descending, dancing in the water until they retrieve him. the vision snaps apart and holy fuck elton is in trouble. (as an aside, that’s one of my favorite affects of film: the protag is under the influence of something, whether it be a hallucination, drugs, in a deep fantasy, or just otherwise a storytelling device, and he is in imminent danger. the audience is aware he is in imminent danger. the protag, however, is cool and chillin and hanging out, not aware or bothered, and maybe this is where a major character arc beat hits. in an instant, they’re pulled out of it, and we--the audience and the characters--are hit with how dire the circumstances really are.)

Suicide is a super sensitive subject to me. when he mumbled “i’m going to fucking kill myself” and plunged into the depths, my throat constricted. it was a difficult few minutes, but i held my breath, gritted my teeth, and paced myself through it. despite the sheer terror and panic that was racing through my brain, the entirety of it was so beautiful. the bright blues, whites, and blacks of the pool lighting and bubbles decorating him, the flow of his--forgive him, i don’t know if there’s a cultural name--outer garment, how curious and confused he looked as he watched his younger self do something he did now, and the people twirling through the water, reaching out, and eventually snatching him up until we’re suddenly in the present--dude, the cinematography of the entire first verse is so, so breathtaking. the scene in the ambulance and getting his stomach pumped was a bit too graphic for me (i could feel a flashback/hallucination creeping on; sometimes i can’t tell them apart.) but it was all done so smoothly. when they lifted him up, spun him around, undressed and dressed him all in one fluid motion, i lost my fuckin mind. i rewound it several times to just watch that sequence. the pain, reluctance, and exhaustion in his face right before he was handed his bat and exuberantly entered the stage was so intense it was palpable. my heart ached for him deeply. it’s allll about putting on a mask of being truly happy and well, when just before that, he had tried to fucking kill himself. how fucking heavy is that shit?

the downward spiral kept me on the edge of my seat. honky cat was funky as hell, and i loved the little tiny moments and gestures towards each other. maybe john and elton truly cared for each other for mere heartbeats before it all went south. he was hurting so bad and ruining everything and in such denial i wanted to throttle him by the shoulders to scream “LOOK WHAT YOU’RE DOING! YOU BIG FUCKING IDIOT!” he was constantly suffering, doing more coke and drugs than i thought a person could keep in his system. the suicide attempt, the fantastic Dodgers show, the night and day between his outward appearance and his actions, all of it was so gripping. the group therapy medium through which the story was told was insanely cool, too. i thought at first it was a bit cheesy, but it worked. i loved that he confronted everyone who had hurt him, and who he had hurt, and reconciled. i loved that as the major plot beats went on, his clothes eventually toned down in loudness, mirroring how the story was going along in real time. he went from having an explosive outburst, to levelly confronting his parents, and firmly insisting they not treat him like that anymore. they didn’t have the right. we could see how he’d grown through several different literary elements. the fact that it was laid out so plainly really helped me, someone who is dumb as fuck and constantly misses nuances like that.

it’s so disheartening to see elton’s first love was someone who was aggressive, non-interested, and who refused to listen to him.

(im at the pinball wizard scene, and holy shit this tune fucks)

at the end of the day, when i had thought the movie fell through so many expectations, i watched the real, authentic version and was so, so happy with how it turned out. it was much more honest than what i had thought it was. when the credits rolled, and it said he and his husband David Furnish had been happily married for 25 years, the tears really started coming. Elton did it. He survived through all the shit he put his body through, all the heartache and loneliness and terrible isolation and suffering, and he won. He got what he always wanted. A man who loved him deeply, purely, passionately, and properly.

i haven’t shut up about elton john for days. i’m kinda baffled how something gripped me so intensely, when i had written it off as stupid just a day before this. thank you for reading. i’m sure i forgot a lot of things i wanted to express, but hopefully i got something across. let me know if you read this, please. if you made it all the way down here, i owe you like $5. drop me your venmo.

thank you for reading. this movie touched me in a way i didn’t think was possible. thank god for elton john. thank god for his perseverance. thank god for his story, giving me and millions of others hope that happiness will come. recovery is possible. healing is possible. you just need to reach out first. thank you and goodnight.

#noah.txt #rocketman #whew this was a long one #thanks for reading so much #rocket man #11:01 pm #i started writing when the movie started #and now were at the rocketman scene lmfaoooo it been over an hour of writing #im queer and deep in my feelings #taron egerton #elton john #reggie dwight #david furnish #burnin out his fuse up here alone #what else do i tag #bernie taupin

68 notes · View notes

goforwardgreenwriter-blog · 6 years

Text

The Worm Reads: The Assassin’s Blade, Ch 23-24

Sorry this took so long but this book is fucking exhausting

Celaena and Ansel knew their little escapade with the Asterion horses would have consequences. Celaena had at least expected to have enough time to tell a decent lie about how they acquired the horses. But when they returned to the fortress and found Mikhail waiting, along with three other assassins, she knew that word of their stunt had somehow already reached the Master.

But how? Who told him? Who the hell saw them steal the horses and somehow got back to the fortress before them?

So, get this. The Mute Master has them alone in his chambers, no doubt about to get furious at them for pulling such a stunt, right? And then Celery pulls this fucking shit.

And suddenly, as the memory of that day echoed through her, she remembered the words Sam kept screaming at Arobynn as the King of the Assassins beat her, the words that she somehow had forgotten in the fog of pain: I’ll kill you!

You’re about to be possibly kicked out of a training fortress that you need to receive a letter of approval from in order to be allowed home and now you’re suddenly splooging over a guy because he... didn’t want you to be hurt? Like any decent fucking human being? God I fucking hate you, Celery, you stupid piece of shit.

After Celery finishes drooling over Sammy wanting to kill Arobynn for hurting her, she at least has the good sense to take the fall for the idea since this is Ansel’s home and getting in trouble would extremely affect her.

Apparently the Mute Master is fairly chill with them stealing horses and Ansel tells Celery she can go tomorrow for her first private lesson. Jesus Christ, finally, this story is going somewhere.

Their punishment next morning is cleaning animal shit out of the pens.

Another benefit was that they didn’t have to go running. Though after four hours of shoveling animal droppings, Celaena would have begged to take the six-mile run instead.

Not really a benefit then, is it?

Celery goes to the Master’s hangout on the roof for her first lesson.

Celaena cleared her throat again, and the Master finally turned. She bowed, which, strangely, was something she felt he actually deserved, rather than something she ought to do.

Celery learning that diplomacy is a thing?? She really does grow stupider as the books go on, since in E0S she threatens and attempts to stab the people in a political meeting that don’t agree with her viewpoint.

The Mute Master gives her a basket with a snake inside and tells her to observe its movements, so she spends the lesson moving with the snake and copying its movements. It’s actually really cool and more interesting than generic swords training.

SJM describes some more cool training in passing about how Celery has to study the movements of other animals like bats and rabbits. So let me get this straight; a whole page in the market scene was dedicated to Celery crying because she wanted new shoes, and that’s plot important, but you skip over her training which was the whole point of her coming to this place.

I’m.... speechless. Utterly speechless. It isn’t often you see someone fail so badly at all aspects of writing, but SJM has done it. She has officially failed at a basic component of storytelling. And her books are New York bestsellers. Truly, the world isn’t a fair place.

And every day, Celaena went to sleep after lunch and dozed until the sun went down, her dreams full of snakes and rabbits and chirping desert beetles. Sometimes she spotted Mikhail training the acolytes, or found Ilias meditating in an empty training room, but she rarely got the chance to spend time with them.

Ilias I kinda get, but you’ve spoken what, five words to Mikhail? You have no relationship with him lmfao.

There were quiet moments also, when she wasn’t training or toiling with Ansel. Moments when her thoughts drifted back to Sam, to what he’d said. He’d threatened to kill Arobynn. For hurting her.

Ask me if I give a fuck. Seriously, I don’t. I don’t feel this chemistry at all and I’m dreading when we return to Arobynn’s assassin joint and we have to read multiple paragraphs of Celery splooging over how hot Sammy is.

Next chapter opens up with Celery putting make up on Ansel because it’s apparently her birthday.

“What?” Ansel said. Celaena shook her head. “You’re going to have to wash it all off.” “Why?” “Because you look better than I do.” Ansel pinched Celaena’s arm. Celaena pinched her back, laughter on her lips.

Girls being friends? Pure and wholesome. Too bad SJM ruins it immediately after with this.

She hadn’t even dared ask the Master for her letter yet. But more than that … Well, she’d never had a female friend—never really had any friends—and somehow, the thought of returning to Rifthold without Ansel was a tad unbearable.

Hmm... it does raise the eyebrows a little that Ansel is super masculine and a “stronk female character’ like Celery and she is the only girl Celery has ever considered as a friend.......almost as if... it’s sexist towards girls who aren’t masculine like Celery.....hm...

At the party people are dancing with no music, which is whack af to Celery.

Though she loved, loved, loved parties, Celaena would have rather spent the night training with the Master. (...) But he’d insisted she go to the party—if only because he wanted to go to the party. The old man danced to a rhythm Celaena could not hear or make out, and looked more like someone’s benevolent, clumsy grandfather than the master of some of the world’s greatest assassins.

Hey, you leave him alone. He’s one of the few good characters in this shitty ass story, and if he wants to dance like an old grandpa, then let him.

Celery sees Ansel dancing with Mikhail and makes it all about her own feefees for Sammy, as usual.She gushes over how Sammy is totally in love with her and how she totally busts a nut every time he looks at her or some stupid shit like that.

Someone touched her shoulder, and Celaena looked up from her empty wine goblet to find Ilias standing behind her. She hadn’t seen much of him in the past few days, aside from at dinner, where he still glanced at her and gave her those lovely smiles. He offered his hand.

Poor Ilias, man. Obviously Celery doesn’t owe him anything, but.... you deserve someone so much better, Ilias. Imagine if it were Sammy here instead of Celery. I want that fanfic, someone write it.

Ilias and Celery eventually ditch the party since Celery’s feet hurt from dancing.

What would he say—that is, if he could speak—if he knew that Adarlan’s Assassin had never been kissed? She’d killed men, freed slaves, stolen horses, but she’d never kissed anyone.

God, we’re really going there, aren’t we... god I’m so tired....

First off, good job on shaming any older teenagers because they’ve never kissed someone before, as if that makes them weirdos. Makes me feel fucking amazing as an 18 y/o who hasn’t kissed anyone yet. Thanks, SJM.

Second, who gives a shit?? In fact, Celery, you have a good excuse for not kissing anyone; you’re an assassin. If you told Ilias, he’s probably just assume you’re too busy with work to settle down with someone. Like, do you think he’s really gonna make fun of you for not having kissed anyone before? Does SJM know how human beings function????

Anyways, Ilias does try to kiss Celery, but immediately stops when she backs away. Man, a male character who respects boundaries?? In MY SJM book?? Never thought I’d see the day.

“I—I can’t. I mean, I’m leaving in a week. And … and you live here. And I’m in Rifthold, so …” She was babbling. She should stop. Actually, she should just stop talking. Forever.

You really should. Sadly, Celery doesn’t take her own advice.

Ilias is just like, “whatever, that’s cool fam,” and goes to his room. I can’t believe SJM is making me praise a character for respecting personal boundaries but holy shit, that’s how low the bar is with her characters.

Alone in the hallway, Celaena watched the shadows cast by the torches. It hadn’t been the mere impossibility of a relationship with Ilias that had made her pull away. No; it was the memory of Sam’s face that had stopped her from kissing him.

First off, that semicolon is making me wince when a comma would’ve sufficed better, so jot that down. Second, unghhhh I don’t care, I don’t give a shit about Celery’s sudden crush on Sammy! He deserves someone who will treat him right!

Ansel arrives late next morning to shoveling shit duty because she slept with Mikhail. Again, ask me if I give a fuck.

Out of the blue, Ansel gets all pissy and jealous of Celery training with the Mute Master. It’s so literally out of nowhere and so obviously shoehorned in just so there can be conflict. SJM looking up basic writing tips and was like, ‘Oh shit, my story has no conflict and I need a falling out before the final climax! Uhhh Ansel is mad at Celery, yeah okay.”

Celaena’s throat tightened, and she cursed herself for feeling so hurt by the words. She didn’t think the Master felt that way at all, but she still hissed, “Yes, my glorious fate. Shoveling dung in a barn. A worthy task for me.” “But certainly a worthy task for a girl from the Flatlands?” “I didn’t say that,” Celaena said through her teeth. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

Jesus Christ, Ansel, I think I hate you almost as much as I hate Celery. Ansel is one of those fucking assholes who twists around words of others and reblogs someones post with a shitty “So you’re basically saying you hate all of (x) people, are you OP?” guilt trip.

Celery is like ‘whatever, nobody cares about you reclaiming your shitty homeland even though it has nothing to do with our conversation and I only brought it up because the author wants us to hate each other now” and Ansel stomps off. Riveting Drama, this is, these characters are so well developed! I totally care about how this conflict will resolve itself!

#the worm reads: tab #the worm talks #anti sjm #anti targaryen #anti tog

9 notes · View notes

carolynjanai-blog · 7 years

Text

Discourse Review: Drunk Writing

Yeahhhh! Drunk bonus paper, lets fucken do this!

Sweet jesus autocorrect be my savior tonight.

I figured, this is a kinda topica assignment, why not liven things up a bit with some light substance abuse?

So I just did a shot or 2 and im ready to fucki g wright this thing.

I like the zine, I’ll be totes honest. I really like the freedom it affords. I never, ever get to write about whatever I fuckin feel like. It’s so much fun! I think some of my best writing has been done through the zine. the word count is hard to reach but it’s a high level class, so that’s like normal right?

As far as books go, I really, super like the Art of Fact or whatever its called. It’s the best book I’ve been told to read, so good call there. This class is so laid back, I really like that too. It’s fun just to show up and talk. I’m wondering how you ended up with the math/engineer discourse, cause I definitely didn’t end up here on purpose.

Holy shit, and to think I was dreading this class, I’m so relieved it ended up being so fun! But, Im also a pretentious asshole, so I gotta make some book recs, aight?

The book is really good, but I fucken hated the On Writing thing. God, I didn’t get jack from thart book. I barely learned a god dame thing from it. I wish I had some better recs, but I don’t usually read “writing well” books in my spare time so I don’t really know any.

Oh oh! But I got a killer just regulare book recommendation! The best goddamn book I ever read was City of Thieves by David Benioff (beniov?). Oh man, I stayed up all night to finish It and I cried like a child, it was so beautiful. I was never taught City of Thieves in a classroom, I read it for kicks last semeseter, but I can see how it could easily translate into an academic setting. Even if it doesn’t, everyone should read it, oh my god I bawled like a child. Its set during world war II, which I usually hate because its so fucking cliché, but Benioff (benico?) is a masterful storyteller. God it was so good.

My favorite assignemt I think was a speech I had to give in Disouce 2. I did it on cannibals in modern media, which then set me up for a bonus presentation in my psych class, which then set me up for guest lectures on “Serial Killers, Cannibals and Necrophiles of the 20th Century”. Super rad, that. So A speech on whatever the hell I felt like led me to some seriously impressive resume bait, the same could be said for this zine.

Thank god people are obsessed with serial killers, or I’d be out of a job.

Dracula was a fun read, but I think a lot of people already read it right? My boy Jon Harks and his lady Mina are a tale as old as time. Focusing it around movies is an interesting idea, Discourse 2 teacher Erin Hamer-Beck did that and it was really fuckin awesome. As a class, we had some really good discussions, especially since the topic was “Nazi Occupied Europe”, so we watched things like Cabaret, The Boy In Striped Pajamas and things like that. It didn’t diminish our learning and absorbing the content took less time than reading did, which I enjoyed.

I mentionee being a pretentious asshole, yes? I saw King Lear a few weeks ago and shit! I loved it! We should do King Lear! And Hamlet! I loved Hamlet! But King Lear is on the brain fir me. I wonder how other people feel about it, how ol Will Shakes intended people to feel when they viewed it. I was sad, of course, this pitiful olf man could only see the error of his ways after it was too late to fix his mistakes. But my theater pal, Sarah, was like “Serves him right.”

!!!

Am I supposed to feel that way??

I vehemently deny being a softie, but am I a softie?> Should I treat his behavior with derision?

Qui peux sais.

Anyway, I’ll rewrite this in the morning and add it to the bottom, but drunk art is just as valid and important as sober art, just ask Hemmingway. Or Stephen King.

But fuck Stephen King.

....

So I didn’t get around to rewriting this sober, but it’s good for a laugh and that sweet, sweet extra credit.

0 notes