#it makes me uncomfortable and i dont plan on improving that sort of myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

numbur129 · 5 years

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Hey there boys, girls, mutants, martians, monsters, monkeys who've advanced to shaving their body's, and occasionally smoking a cigar. And lastly, but not leastly (And it's funny, cuz they are short nd stupid!!) "The self proclaimed most magical of the freaked-up-fuck-faces Tour" MIDGETS MAC DADDY & DA GooooBLER!!! "LETS FUCKING HEAR IT FOR EM!!!" KABOOM!! "Hahaha.... Yeahhh!"

(A random selection of what most would call, "lame-ass" fire works began hissing, zooming away, popping off. Squealing guitar licks echoed off into the distances, whilst confetti fell freely from out the top the menacing skyscrapers above, and then quickly down to the bottom of an "overly-polished, brilliantly made elf-lookin boots of the pointed toe end persuasion", as if the fuck-add purposely looked like some strange mix between a gay leprechaun, and a violently-intoxicated pimp.

And like,honestly, twas abit obvious thuh'olde "Sun Bleached Tur'blumken" whood seent far from eh'z "D'eh-BuhstahhDazes." Though the tiny, little person was dressed impeccably, and had quite thee odd shape T'emm!?. He'd constantly be fucking smirkn to those around him, as if too stupid to realize he was way too flippin deep in, and had ta show off for just a wee bit longer. Then'd be recorded into the record books, for reasons I dont know of. One the weird-fuckers front golden teeths gleamed as the sudden change of lighting bent around his bulbous head. In one, overwhelmingly "gay", awkward, and un-planned, mess'ughz "jig" dance. He land atop his ol single knee, whilst simultaneously tipping his "stupid-fucking" hat, and puffing his dirty, drug crusted, wooden "J00B" brand, "Dooble-Tube!" He let out a uncomfortable giggle of sorts (as if in pain, perhaps out of breathe, or even just a series of grumbles, and tis burr'bn), then horked up a nice, fur-fuckled looger carelessly onto the nights then carpet covered dance floor. Then leaned back into a "hero like stance", then stood motionless, twisting the end of the other side dove-izz long white stache!

For reasons unknown to the me; "The Author" of said spoken story, has somehow unintentionally, spent the last 45 minutes of this on some weird-oh, nd his unbreakable-focus-like trance on this creepy, little old dude. And decide that, shit was now to change up, move round, and really start "fuckn about". Ta really get a sense of what it's like to initiate sex with an neighbors dog; as well as what it is to get right back inta that, Good ol Gangsta Bap. Sha- "Sell that, Flip this! Kill Cops, work tricks" shits f'all-the bitchasses, and the wheelchair trapped tard-asses egh-duhhh Werld! Suh grab glasses, and do a doo'ler, and t'all-duh too, every one-uh "Little Dee, 'N Uh-Stinky-Dink's" multiple MILLION-DALLOR-DEAL!!! MUH-FUKN, READY-KNO, THATS-FLIPPN-RIGHT, RAVING Fans. And once again, done a doodle dang-diddle-dooper. And has fucked the faces ugh many men, women, and other freak of nature wheww dont do it; "Fuck'd my baby's face!" LP, and the all too well known remix, "Uncle Daddy's Creepy Play Pen & The Funkie-Unkie Petting Zoo Bananzah!" Thaz right! Yall heard theh shit hear firsd, y'unn-grateful, dustiedup, dunger-dooz & dunger-duntz!!

So any-fucking-ways, "The fuck it is?!" Lol, word. Shit man... this past, ummm.. started after morning appointment, so 8am to.. what's its about to be? 3:38am?! Holy Mother of a Holy Father?! Darr't, darr't!! Haha, yeah! Honestly, that wasnt all that bad. Gotta say...

But I've recently come to the conclusion that I've really got to work on being a more truthful, helpful, and as knowledgeable a person inside-ugh-muh friend groups, as to the outside stranger. And all the caring family's, and other random gathering meat, bone, and the occasional positive "kitty-poster", frum time-duh, time!!

Word. To be honest, I've really got to just not fuckn lie to myself. Put myself down, really wanta start them out with those few first lil changes, choices, and ultimately improvements towards bettering the life around me, that I want. And tah make meaningful advancements in my current personal recovery program. Z'well as workn on, and becoming a completely content, productive member of the community we lives in. To work daily, towards a fulfilling place of residence; stabal positioning within the buisness feild of choice, and the hard-earn'd respect of others I'd goften to know, and eventually wholeheartedly, "really cared for" people, nd one day; maybe sooner then way, way muh'Fukhn away. And some day will actually be able to like the person I had fought to became.

A promise; To better my overall health; both physically, mentally, at someday in the future, "OMEGA-SPIRIT ENERGY VF."

Ughnd juz-wanna hangle out, and really getta Blubber-Vuk; not to those whom Weiner iz-ugh wigglin. But to the proud, and brave. The few, the reasonable.. "They"MAKE, AND STAY ugh-WIGGLIN THE WEENURD, AND NOTHING BUT THAT THERE WEEN!!!

...Hey, yeah it's really me. Lol, sorry bout that. If it was far from your norm; and this kinda just, HAPPENED TO YOU. Lol, seriously though. I've been working, writing currently. In my newest addition to my many ways of approach: I've started experimenting with "stream of conciousness" writing. Where you record your minds thoughts, and without any choice, second thought, er really anything other then the ability to open flood gates. I allow my mind to organically grow ideas, thoughts, things, and then let them out on there own and watch the streams mix, flood, destroy. Play with one another, create a new, and in the end; am left with.. ugh? Sheesh, who's really knows, ya know? Kinda attribute this overall vibe, strange choice of dream like situations, and the incorporation of weird-oh, "Alien-like" Pseudo-Town Drunkard. And really, if you havent noticed the influence yet, lol, maybe it's nothing alike. But would just like to shout out one of my all time favorite books, "Naked Lunch", and honestly, just kinda wanna leave this ever so strange complement here with it, "I love you. So dream-like. Surreal, yet disturbingly diffrent. Mr. William S. Burroughs: You really, truly are... a stranger lost within a strange land."

❤The Bizarre... & "BEYOND!"❤

☮❤😄☮❤😄☮❤😄

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owlsbuttley · 3 years

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this sucks. look, i dont know. ive been struggling with having peripheral awareness of this situation for a while and i dont really know what to do or what i expect anyone else to have to say about it. if you follow me on private i trust you enough to talk about this and i guess i feel like maybe there's some folks who deserve to know. i feel like i'm caught between what someone wants, what i think is the best course of action, if i should still respect their privacy on my own judgement, and what's actually the responsible thing to do. i talked to someone about it last night and it seems like this is starting to make some slow shockwaves, so i guess i want to get my hand on the ball before it starts rolling away. this is popping off whether i want it to or not.

and please keep this to yourself unless you think it would help in any way to talk about it, use your better judgment so uhh, remember rachel rocklin, softowl, she used to be around twitter. she worked at what pumpkin, the homestuck company, theyre doing that game now. she dated andrew hussie. she was a good friend of mine. she tried to get me a job there for a while when i was still unemployed in 2013 / early 2014. i went to her birthday party in 2015. at the end of the year she disappeared from social media. i heard murmurs from a few people that something bad had gone down involving homestuck. my initial assumption was some sort of crazy social media policy forced her to delete her accounts. when homestuck came back for its really bad ending in april 2016 i started sensing that something was up and tried dropping her a line on steam. a few weeks later she replied and we started talking and hanging out again. i was able to piece together that there was a nasty breakup and she lost her job. we talked a lot and hung out sometimes. out of risk of making her uncomfortable, i kept it to myself. she's a good friend to me. i think talking to her has been a big reason my mood has improved. we play overwatch. in november i went to her apartment after the election for a day trip because the last thing i wanted was to be in my house with my family that week. she's been pretty hurt about what happened, and her cat died in like, late april early may. bad times. but i didnt pick up on the full story until recently. i guess the official story they pushed about her being dismissed was that she was mean to her boss. here's what she said about it to me in january. i feel more comfortable using her words than potentially telephone-gaming this but i dont really feel great about any of it uh i got dumped so andrew could date someone else, after he dumped me he repeatedly verbally abused me told me i was "biasing and stealing" """"our"""" friends by crying on their shoulders about the shit he said to me (i later learned this is a common abuser tactic) and that i should a) not talk about the things he said to anyone b) not tell my friends anything about him/our relationship so i felt guilty and said "OK" and didn't (so he got to tell them anything he wanted) then the person he wanted to date didnt want to date him so he told me he thought we should get back together and when i said no, he got REAL mean and verbally abusive again, shut me out over time, CUT OFF MY PHONE SERVICE since it was a phone/plan he gave me for christmas (leaving me without any kind of phone for more than a week) demanded to be let in on my private twitter account so he could be sure i wasn't badmouthing him (and i did it because, in retrospect, hey he was abusive and i was scared!) then got me fired for a catty remark i made on private twitter about cindy which is hilarious because the nasty shit ive heard him say about her on a constant basis would fill several novels oh and then five months later when poor kitten died i asked my mom to email him to let him know because even though he's a piece of shit he deserves to know but i asked her to make it clear i did NOT want to discuss it and instead of listening to any of that he emailed ME with a bunch of shit including about how we could "be friends again" but only if I could "learn to forgive and put the fraught past behind us" lots of literally textbook abusive behavior and i used to say "he wasnt abusive, it was just some things he did" but i have since learned to say "abusive behavior means you are being abusive" soooooo... that is the definiton of an abuser, one who perpetrates abusive behavior anyway!!! all my "good" "friends" who watched this shit go down and heard about it are now "his" "friends" because he has the money and i was terrified and cowed into silence so fuck em another thing worth relating that she's told me is that he'd stalk the @ mentions on her ptwitter to determine when he was being talked about. so, cool. she's really upset about the homestuck game, so this has been escalating. shes in a real bad way about this. recently she asked if it helped when i "made that post about that guy" referring to the shit that went down with me in 2014... i told her, fuck no it didn't, it spiralled out of control but i felt morally responsible to make it because of the money involved and the public nature of how it all exploded, and that i didn't really like her invoking that event in that way, but i emphasized that her situation is a lot different than mine and that if she wanted to do something i'd stand by her. she's unemployed, hurt, and very alone. she's afraid to talk about this because she thinks if she does they'll find another way to hurt her. she's been talking suicidally lately. i don't really know what to do. i was dealing with this getting worse over the last weekend. on monday when i had that free day to myself in seattle she told me there was a break up with cohen (skullmandible on twitter). he's writing the homestuck game. she had made references to him a few times over the last year but i literally didn't know they had been dating until this week. later, she found out that he had been cheating on him with someone else, and had told that someone else that she was ok with it. it wasn't. she had all these birthday presents lined up for him that i really dont even know if she could afford (a fucking switch and the botw special edition is in there, my dude you fucked uppp) and so this already really tense situation just got way fucking worse. now she's pissed. i told her i'd stand by her if she wanted to come forward, and i guess, she took this to mean something else. she gave me, andrew and cohen's alternative twitter accounts and wanted me to "make them feel unsafe" and leak them to homestucks. which is uhhhh, not what i fucking meant. im not cajoling some teenagers into a hate campaign and even if i wanted to what the fuck am i going to do to make that happen? when i told her that i wouldn't, she asked me to write a callout post for her. which, is fucking foolhardy, dilutes the message and intent, and also potentially steps on the toes and privacy of the OTHER person in this equation who cohen cheated with, who i understand also wants to talk about this but at a time when they are more ready to do so. if she wants to say her story, i will be with her, but if it's me saying it for her, that means nothing. that's not exposing some shitbags. just some nosy asshole making a terrible fucking judgment call. but she's not in the condition to talk about this herself. i am not doing anything that will hurt her and i'm not doing anything that will hurt me either. this is a tough situation, but rachel wants outright messy retribution and is asking me to do it and she is getting very, very impatient with my refusal to do so. im not doing anything rash. i know where this fucking goes and this requires a much more delicate touch. it is... getting really tough to be supportive, and i hate to admit that. the way she wants this situation to end is instantaneous gratification and seeking that is going to make this worse. i'm not going to be party to that, but her condition and attitude is worrying me too. so i don't know. is it irresponsible of me to keep this tight-lipped? is it irresponsible of me to even be talking about this privately? am i being spineless? selfish. i meant it when i said i'd support rachel. but this isn't a type of support i am willing to give and she should know that. she knows my shit, she literally invoked my shit. i'm not doing this again. i want her to see justice, i want this story out there, but none of this is the right thing to do. nadia described this as a "hell nightmare situation." i don't fucking know!! again, i dont know that there's any advice you can give me! i dont know that talking about this is even the right fucking thing!!!! but i can't do this alone and i feel like at the very least i should post about this. i dont really ask anything of you except that, you've read this. Please, please don't remind me about how many times i've been in situations like this. no funny comments about how many times i've put myself into this exact corner please. thanks.

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eeveelutionsforequality · 7 years

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@mod vape, do you have any tips for dealing with hypersexuality or addiction? bc uh. getting off hurts. idk if it’s specifically because ive been doing it so goddamn much or because of the fucking legion of medical problems i have, but it’s DEFINITELY making my abdominal pain worse and i dont know how to stop gjdfjhk.

Well, firstly, go to the doctor about that pain - there are injuries, illnesses, sexual dysfunctions, and all sorts of things from that could be causing a pain like that (it could be a pulled muscle, a cyst, maybe you aggravated a pre-existing health issue, etc), and it's best to rule out anything too dangerous as soon as you can, and to treat anything treatable. Even if it is tied to or caused by overdoing sex/masturbation, just mitigating that habit isn't guaranteed to fix it.

I was getting some pretty bad pain from even small dildos/vibrators, and I decided to go to the doctor in case it was something dangerous - thankfully, it turned out to just be a sexual dysfunction (basically spasms and tightening of the muscles in the vagina, in my case caused by trauma). I was supposed to get therapy for it, but I never went because I was having another therapy at the time and my carer was like "But what if they cancel each other out!?" and I was like "That's not how it works..." Sometimes it acts up but I think I've got it mostly under control. I've also had to go to the doctor for sprained/strained wrists more times than I would like to admit... I used to be like "Oh I played my guitar for too long" or "Oh I think I leant on my walking stick for too long" and now I'm just like "Wanker's cramp".

Trust me and my plethora of injuries when I say that doctors are professionals, they went to medical school, they see genitalia on a daily basis, they've seen eyes and ears and giant sores full of puss... it's really rare to get a doctor that will look down upon or judge you for that. Sure you'll get the odd "You should masturbate less", "Here's a big speech about the risks of STDs and pregnancy", "Have you told your therapist about this", but it's more of an "I'm contractually obliged to impart medical advice" than an "I think you're gross" 99% of the time.

Secondly, I do have tips, but I'm still hella bad at dealing with my own issues - I still smoke more than I want to, drink til I puke, sleep with strangers, lose days to laying in bed alone, have an aching pain in my wrists, etc. Obviously I don't have all of the answers, so I can't promise that they'll be the best tips in the world - it's worth doing some more research of your own, and it might be worth talking to your doctor/therapist if you can't manage it on your own.

You haven't given much detail about how specifically it affects you or what the addiction is to (sexual stuff in general, masturbation, casual sex, porn, etc), so I'm going to try to cover as much as I can (like dealing with sexual thoughts about people in your life, limiting the number of times you masturbate, etc) and I hope that at least some of what I say is useful to you.

Okay, so the first tip I have is: try not to slip into the mentality that cold turkey is the only way to go if it's not what you want - thinking "I can't have this. I'm not allowed this." can increase cravings. Thinking "I'm allowed this later... if I stay motivated not to do it now and if I only do it in moderation, and it's gonna be great." can make waiting out those cravings a lot easier, provided you have the self-control to not slip back into a bad habit after once.

Ways to avoid slipping back into bad habits include: having time (or number of the thing) limits for when and how long you are allowed, having something to do afterwards that takes your mind off it (for example "once I've done it once, I have to get up, take out the rubbish, email my boss, read that global warming article, and get ready for bed"), other rewards/punishments (put a book you really want in your Amazon basket then click "save for later", if at the end of the fortnight you've accomplished your goal then buy the book, if you fail the fortnight resets and you have to wait two more weeks - set smaller goals with smaller rewards, and larger goals with larger rewards), keeping and going over a diary so that you can see what worked and what didn't, if there's a pattern to failures, progress even if you're not meeting goals (at which point try to make the upcoming goals a little easier since you're expecting too much of yourself), and so on.

Secondly, and it's the most generic tip ever but it's SUPER important for addictions because they can damage your pre-frontal cortex... healthy diet, exercise, meditation, mental exercises, getting some sun, and other daily tasks are super important.

You need to get into the habit of something like reading or pottery or drawing for at least half an hour to an hour every day - turn off your internet, games, distractions, and maintain concentration on what you're doing. This helps repair the effects that addictions can have on your pre-frontal cortex and dopamine receptors by activating the parts of your brain that work towards maintained motivation and focus for smaller or distant rewards, which in turn will help your brain work normally again, which in turn will increase motivation and willpower.

Cooking more difficult meals will have similar benefits and a healthy diet improves your overall health. Exercise does the same even more effectively than either, and it has the added bonus of energizing you, increasing your focus on other tasks that you do afterwards, various health benefits, lifting your mood, and helping you be tired by the end of the day so that you'll be able to sleep easier - insomnia is a really dangerous trigger for any addiction, but especially a masturbation or sex addiction, because you're in an environment that is associated with that behaviour and the behaviour makes it easier to sleep afterwards, so you've every reason to start doing it if you find yourself unable to sleep.

Which brings me on to another reason why keeping a diary is especially important - you need to isolate your triggers. Establish what happened immediately before the behaviour, what you were thinking, and what potentially led to the behaviour. Then you can work towards either avoiding those triggers, lessening them, being mindful of them, or training yourself to exhibit a different behaviour in response to them - for example, if having a shower triggers you to masturbate, try singing in the shower instead, training your brain to react to showers with the urge to sing instead of the urge to masturbate.

You might also want to try sleeping meds, so that you can take them, read until they start to kick in, and then immediately go to bed and try to sleep - that way there's less of a gap between going to bed and falling asleep where something could happen.

Routine can also be really helpful for some people - you're supposed to fall asleep between about 10pm and 1am for optimal sleep, and you're supposed to wake up between 6 and 8 hours later. Get out of bed as soon as you wake up to avoid lethargy, and either exercise or go for a short walk, or do something that starts your brain and body working for the day. After that, prepare breakfast, don't watch TV or distract yourself while you eat. Continue the day with a routine that works for you, and you could set a time at which you will masturbate (or maybe a date you're allowed to go to the club and pull... how you work in routine if you have a long-term sexual partner is something you would need to talk to them about) that doesn't interfere with your routine.

Avoid bars, pubs, clubs, tinder, grindr, and anything else that can be a trigger for that or makes quick hook-ups easy - I know that I can go to the pub near me (because there'll be nobody there for that, it's an "old people come here to watch football" pub), and that I can go to a pub or bar with friends if I'm having a good day, but making sure that my flat wasn't within walking distance of a club and deleting dating apps was really helpful to me (it meant that even if the temptation was there the effort required to act on it was too much and took too long, so I'd catch myself).

I also log off any tumblr that I'm following people on that post NSFW, porn, sexual stuff or anime stuff if necessary - just like how I log off any tumblrs where I follow political blogs if I'm getting overwhelmed by that. But it is still good to have a tumblr for NSFW stuff, to have somewhere that you can express certain things, reblog things, feel less alone, enjoy things that you enjoy - don't demonize the side of you that likes sex, don't lock it in a cell in the back of your head, just tell it that it can't control you.

I'm also working on not putting myself in as many situations that can make me feel like I'm being too flirty or as many situations that cause too many uncomfortable or sexual thoughts at a time when they're stressing me - like, I don't come online as much when I'm drunk now, I don't have as many sleepovers, and I don't tend to maintain physical contact for as long (like, I don't hold hands as often as I used to), for example.

That said, you can't live out your life hiding from people who your brain might think something sexual about - isolating yourself is unhealthy. Humans are social creatures and social interaction is good for us, talking to people about our problems is good for us, distractions and fun are good for us. I find structured social plans make things easier - so, I like plans like "lets cook together then eat the awesome meal", "lets go see a movie", "lets go to the town center and taste hot chocolate from as many cafés as we can before I puke", "lets go to the fair" and things like that (that said, agoraphobia is awful and ruins like 90% of my social interaction). Keep people in your life who you're comfortable with and who make you happy.

Remember that what you're thinking or mental images that pop into your head aren't evil, it doesn't mean that you have a crush on them, that you actually want to do sexual things with them, that you can't be their friend, or anything like that... they're just thoughts. You didn't choose them. Just let them pass.

Your surroundings and triggers are incredibly important things to stay on top of though, be that to mitigate stress in social situations, or to prevent you from engaging in more sex/masturbation than you want to or than is safe for you to.

Don't spend your day in the same place that you masturbate - even if you don't live alone you can avoid being in bed when you're in your room, you could get a sofa, beanbag, comfy chair, gigantic cushion, or other comfortable place to sit in your bedroom so that you don't have to be in your bed, and put that in a part of your room with different posters/decoration to those around your bed.

Lots of things can become associated with certain behaviours in your brain, from sitting in a certain place to feeling a certain emotion. Try to avoid being too exposed to those things at times when you don't intend to be doing something sexual, and replace them with other things that make you happy, keep you distracted, and aid in training concentration and willpower (maths games, board games, card games, puzzles, reading, cooking, exercise, drawing, writing, etc).

Even things like separating any porn or sexual pictures in your phone into a hidden folder instead of having it pop up when you go to look for pictures, or keeping magazines or the pornhub bookmark out of sight, can really help with lessening the regularity with which things pop into your head.

Finally, and I've hinted at it throughout this, mindfulness and meditation are things that many addicts find incredibly helpful. It's really worth doing some googling, watching some YouTube videos, and learning those techniques (and it's good to be doing research in general into ways to help addictions or hypersexuality disorders, because there are quite a few schools of thought and there are probably a lot of things that I've missed).

Meditation, like reading and exercise, helps train your mind into maintaining focus, not reacting to distractions and urges, relaxing, letting thoughts pass by, and being less hectic and loud - it also has health benefits, can help you sleep, can help you take time from your busy schedule to yourself (an urge that may have been previously feeding the addictions instead, as they can be linked to a need for control), and can help you work through thoughts or anxieties.

Mindfulness helps in various ways too - for example, smokers found that being mindful (observing, essentially) helped them quit because it led to them paying more attention to how bad the cigarette tasted, and it also allowed them to non-judgmentally observe the cravings that they felt, observe why they were feeling those cravings, and allow them to pass by. It's about letting your thoughts exist, letting things exist, acknowledging them, but not letting them control you.

You can study mindfulness for yourself - research it online, read one of the many books about it, watch YouTube videos, etc - or you can go to the doctor and ask for a therapy that teaches mindfulness (I found learning about it in my own time more helpful, and have had more success with that, but I think that was mostly related to not having a great therapist - plus, online gives me more opportunities to look into the how and why, to see how other people do it, to look deeper into it, to take as long as I need, while therapy was just an elderly lady snapping at me for using my phone and telling me to imagine that my thoughts are clouds and distracting me constantly).

So yeah...

Step 1: Go to the doctors for that pain, it's probably something minor but it's better safe than sorry.

Step 2: Do more research, Mod Vape doesn't know everything.

Step 3: Keep a diary and try to isolate what things are triggering you, what you're feeling beforehand, and be mindful of what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and what you're gaining/losing from the experience.

Step 4: Try to keep yourself away from things that trigger you, but also remember that you don't have to entirely abstain from valuable things - you can train new reactions as responses to those things, you can work on self-control, and so on.

Step 5: Work on your routine, diet, exercise, habits, and hobbies, so that you can improve your willpower, motivation, and health.

Step 6: Research and practice meditation and mindfulness.

Step 7: Set and work towards small goals, rewarding yourself for successes and keeping track of your progress.

Step 8: If you can't control the addiction or behaviour, if the thoughts are becoming difficult to live with, if these problems continue to cause you distress, there is no shame in seeking professional help. You don't have to do this alone.

Remember that chemical imbalances and other neurological issues can cause such things - if you can't manage it alone, that could be a warning sign that something serious or physiological is going on. Not being able to quit doesn't necessarily mean that somebody's "not trying hard enough", and instead of beating yourself up talk to somebody who can do blood tests, scans, or whatever else is necessary to make sure that you're okay and that you overcome your struggles.

~ Vape

#Mod Vaporeon

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lthu · 7 years

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august 3 2017

I shouldn’t really be pushing my hands to do much work but either way if i write or type it’ll still hurt. not the point but i need to remember this when i am better (mentally)

all my life i’ve been writing about my depression and how it’s been inflicting me and amusing me simultaneously . there is so much to know about it, it’s not entirely the same for everyone. sure being “sad” is a straight forward synonym of depression but it really isn’t. i mean, i wish i was just sad from time to time because that’d be a hell of a lot easier than carry this stupid burden called depression. oh! and how can i forget about this..you get the whole package too. anxiety. anxiety is so broad too so broad. most anxieties might be common than others some might be rare.. i understand that much, i don’t think i fall into the category of rare anxiety but i’ve learn to understand most of my anxieties and i believe that is one of the hardest disorders to manage. ( i know i am wrong but i am talking about myself) i actually found out not too long ago that i was depressed since i was 13 years old. I actually had no clue until not too long ago. i had some of middle school friends come to my place i brought some notebooks we used share and write our thoughts i guess it was away to survive our awkward stage of life and stay close at the same time. they wrote so many funny things and when it came to me..i just wrote the most depressing shit in the world..i used words no 13 year old should really use (cant explain) but it was hella awkward they just said “wow you are dark” and what can i say? i said “yeah i still am, time hasn’t change me ha ha” but in my head i was like “wow i had depression and i had no clue what that was back then, now it makes so much sense” it really did actually, i felt like such a weird kid ( i liked and hated it) anyway i am 24 now i remember telling myself when i was 17 or 18 that i wouldn’t have depression once i turned 24 or 27 but i still do.. and i keep telling myself that i wont have it when i am 30. i know this is a lie but sometimes it feels good to believe.

i’ve never been completely open about my depression until recently (i’ve seen some people come out and express to the public) ..and i guess that sort of encouraged me because it’s really nothing to be embarrassed about. ACTUALLY i’ve never been open about my medication until recently..actually like today i mean. i posted this photo on my instagram

i had to think about it for awhile, i love this photo a lot because it explains everything that i am currently experiencing with having depression and anxiety.. and well taking medication for it. maybe someone found it too personal but it really isn’t. not anymore hah. i call it (no)rmal. i’d like to explain this further.

I’ve been on medication for about a year an a half or perhaps 2 years..fucking time flies..i’m too oblivious of time. anyway same time i started seeking therapists both a psychologist and psychiatrist..it’s ok..i can talk about that later or another day ...that’s another whole fucking topic.

i hate and love being medicated.

i’ve come to terms with this and i have accepted medication as an integral part of my life. ( i hope not permanently ) i’ve come to terms with what i can do and what i cannot do, when i can go to bed and when i cannot drive. it sucked at first..knowing that a little pill would have some authority in your life. i accept this i accept this.

i was so blinded by my changes when i started taking them. it took months for me to react to them. i changed i really did and i just noticed this. i was..normal............

and i didn’t even realize it! i thought i was better..functional.. i was able to talk to people in a banal matter, my life was just that, didn’t go further than that. yes, my moods improved but i don’t know how i feel about this. these changes.

(NO)RMAL

thats why i say no to normal. this wasn’t me this isn’t me. i think i am having a

it’s been about what? a year or a little less than a year that i’ve been experiencing this crisis. its a crisis that i face everyday and to go along with that my anxiety barges in so it gets really intense..but it’s not just any anxiety its..

so it’s a lot of layers of disorders and bullshit. how do i deal with them? i just stay quiet, ignore plans, hide, exchange a few typical boring words to co workers (for survival rly), draw, look at pics of dogs, relate to memes (oh i need to bring this up later)

my security is to just stay quiet when i’m around people i don’t wanna talk to. i just instantly feel uncomfortable cos i’m in a personality crisis mode. it shuts me down. it cripples my speech. i get clumpsy. i get sweaty. i stutter. i forget english. i forget spanish. i’m oblivious. i have racing thoughts. i mean thats what

is. Anyway because i am in this state i don’t know who i am, i am constantly trying to think and remember who i was, and when i do it was when i was deeply depressed. My depression did defined me back then and i did like it (and didn’t obviously) and i felt different definitely not normal. depression gave me the opportunity to think differently, it helped me with my poems and my art sometimes. it gave me so many strange thoughts that kept me questioning about life and myself, i believe it gave me some kind of wisdom. depression takes you to some really weird places.. mentally and physically. depression has also guided me to horrible horrible places. i wrote a letter to my depression early on a sunday morning, it was a bad morning

to sum up, briefly, what depression makes me feel when it hits me 10x stronger. somedays i am just numb. sometimes i miss my depression no matter how bad it got, i just felt like i was someone at the same time. i know this is no good..and that i must find “myself” a better “self” but how, i dont wanna be normal, i don’t wanna face things expectedly i don’t wanna have dull conversations. i wasn’t like this before, it was too different.

anyway i am not depressed right now, i just had a moment of clarity earlier. i was thinking how i am not as open about my depression (only with my friends that are depressed or suffer from anxiety know because why not we are connected with this disease) so you gotta have a

although we don’t talk about it like before anymore..before we use to just laugh about it laugh about our depression and how it mocks us..sometimes it wasn’t funny and one of us had to run away and just well..laugh alone.

depression is so common..why do we act as if it’s something to be embarrassed about or hide it? i know it aint easy but for me it did feel like that.. as if it’s an excuse to let your life be the way it is and it really shouldn’t be. right? but we have no control. i know i loose control almost all the time.

my meds are helping me (sometimes) but theyre expected. i know ill fall asleep i know my mood might be neutral or balanced. not always but most of the time.

& when i find depression, i find an old friend.

#depression #anxitey #weird #thoughts #personality crisis

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in-paradox-space · 7 years

Text

very long rambly text post, you know the drill

you’ll get nothing out of reading it, you may as well scroll.

It’s fucking painful.

I barely even know her

but I can’t stop thinking about her

I’ve met her once, I shouldn’t feel this way about her.

I can’t concentrate on anything.

I just really really want to be around her.

I miss her.

and its really fucking painful to think she probably just wanted to get away from me

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I need to work on improving my skills before college starts. I need to be able to pick myself up, eat the right foods, shower and sleep at the right times

I can’t. I can only think about her

and its weird. I have had crushes before, painful ones, for girls and guys.

and I’ve spent nights awake because of it

but this is making me really sad

to feel like I’ll never be with her and she’ll probably never approve of me

she probably thinks I’m really weird

and that I just want a hookup

because our mutual friends made it out like that before they invited her

and

she’s a regular girl

I met her one night

and I don’t understand.

It would make sense for me to enjoy being around her and wanting to chill with her again

but it does not make sense that I feel like this

that she comes into my mind every single minute

and she makes it hard to focus on anything

I want to look at all the units on my course, and visualize how I can get the best grades in each one

I want to research some shit to buy

I need to choose a good cheap bag to order from china or somewhere cheap

I can not concentrate on any of it.

My mind is only interested in thinking of her

I’ve been waiting for a camera for weeks, it arrived today

I unboxed it.

the tag and the plastic was still there

I need to format an SD Card and change the date/time settings

the box had the big bubble wrap

why am I not excited?

I don’t give a shit

I don’t.

I only seem to care about her right now

and it feels like a drug craving

like im low

I need her to pick my serotonin up

and I think, relationships, crushes, love, affection, sex, all that shit

it kind of is like a drug

not in a poetic way

but its basically the same release of chemicals in the brain

and you think about it every day

you look forward to it

and you feel highs and lows

pick me ups and comedowns

the rushes, the emotions

you change and shape your life to suit it, you make compromises

and its all for a release of the chemicals your brain creates

i know im not the first one to point this out

but im growing aware of it

and I’ve always been aware its just chemicals

an illusion, a distraction from what is important

and I know in reality it doesnt mean shit. I should move on and get on with whats important

but heres the thing

its making me low, because somewhere along the lines my serotonin or dopamine or one of those kind of things has been thrown off balance

and thats basically what happens when you want more cocaine, but it would be more extreme with cocaine of course

I want to see her again.

I dont want to ask my friends to invite her out again, its embarrassing that im interested

and i feel sort of uncomfortable knowing my friend fucked her that one time

i dont even care what we do

i just want to be around her

and i am well aware of how creepy this is

considering i dont know her

and I spent one night with her

and if anyone spouted this shit to me, I’d think they were just being really dramatic

and they just wished they lived inside a movie

theres not really a pattern to when I think of her

and i find it so strange, because I really really dont know her

but I feel so strongly about her, like I would with a crush from high school

it just does not make sense, logically, to me.

but I will be thinking of anything and I’m suddenly overcome with this unique feeling

a reminder through my whole body

that I really really fucking like being around her

and I just want to be around her again

a feeling exactly like seriously craving a certain drug which you haven’t done for a day or so, but its less physical pain and more feeling emotion through a sense of weakness in your body

i wont tonight because i might not be thinking straight

but im considering just talking to my friend about it

and trying to see her again

and i want her to like me, but authenticity is important

but i wouldnt want them to set me up

and honestly i dont think she wants any of this

even if she did date me it’d probably be for 3 days and she’d move on

and she is the kind of girl I’d be friends with

but I really don’t consider people like her as anything more

she liked blink 182 and generic pop rock

i didnt even care about that

you can like whatever you like, but a part of my interest is usually dictated by that

i just liked her more

simply because I was learning more about her

and my god

I would fucking hate anybody who was talking like me right now

I will get over her.

but for now I’m enjoying hearing her voice as I sleep

I think it happens to most people, it almost always happens to me after doing ecstasy

the next few nights have mild hallucinations

kind of abstract and psychedelic

rarely scary but I have had very very fearful nights of paranoia a few days after in the past

they’re mainly voices

its like certain phrases keep being replayed in your ears over and over

not thought out but heard

like theyre really there

and you know theyre not there

but you feel as if these people are really around you

and youre in the same place

and you dont question it at all

you believe they are there

and its not imposing, it doesnt raise any questions. you’re physically in your bedroom but you look around, you hear them, youre really in the place you were the other night

and eventually when youre really drifting off

it becomes lucid visual

and you see them but you also dont

and its just certain things being replayed

and it has the potential to turn into a bad trip but its mostly pleasant and soothing

and I can still hear her voice

I still hear my friends and his girlfriends

but I hear hers too

I love it

I don’t want it to go away

I cant think of what she says

well theres one phrase

and again it makes absolutely no fucking sense

shes just a completely regular fucking girl, with her own interests and experiences

some we share. some we dont

and i met her fucking once, spent one night high with her. we didnt even kiss. hugged once

she didnt express any interest

didnt show any signs of it

and my heart feels fucking weak

and my body is released with, is it endorphins?

it feels like when something release endorphins

an opiate effect.

im going to see her again

i wish my brain could take that in

so it will stop distracting me with thoughts of her at this crucial part of the year

the version of me from a year ago would feel disgusted by these posts

and I’m sorry, old me

I’ll always be me

probably

ill feel that same way about love again

i dont know what this is

i think im physically dependent on codeine again

and that might have influenced me being sick before

i took some when i got off the bus but it didnt change much

im going to go cold turkey anyway

i was planning on taking some at a gig but i begged kek, bargained to not be sick until im off the bus

and i made a sort of deal that i will sacrifice taking codeine at the gig

then bargained some more and said id stop

idk if it was them who helped me

but a deal is a deal

and it will still be a fucking good show

would probably love it more if I was high though

im gonna have to forget that

and I feel sick again

im going to wash my hair and sleep

I started college today

I got up at 6am, and I would’ve made it on time but I was almost sick on the bus ride.

I didn’t want that to be my first impression so I went home.

I think it’s because of the weekend. I don’t take alcohol very well, even a little. Or cigarettes. I just get migraines from anything slightly unhealthy.

I think its more of a delayed hangover/comedown though.

If the pills are 200mg each, I did roughly 700-900mg of MDMA on over two different days.

I started one day, rested the next and continued the day after that.

to some thats a lot.

To others it’s a milestone they’re way past.

It’s the most I think I’ve done in that timeframe though though.

I’m still very tired after sleeping through the afternoon and very weak.

I want to make it tomorrow but I don’t think I will.

It’s a shame. I want to ace the first project and make a good first impression.

I told them I get ill a lot, they should understand but I think they’ll be suspicious that I just happen to be seriously ill on the first day

especially after talking about how much better I am compared to the start of the year in the interview

Now im going to think of a personal tag for her,

one memorable that isnt her name

#personal #relationships #feelings #i did some heavy drugs last night and im kind of fucked #her

0 notes

apsbicepstraining · 7 years

Text

BBG trainer Kayla Itsines: Alcohol is ‘poison, ‘ but carbs sure aren’t

Instagram fitness queen Kayla Itsines “ve never” consume at McDonalds, but she insists she has had a cheeseburger.

For anyone who has followed Itsines journey to becoming an international phenomenon importance a reported $46 million, that tidbit may come as a surprise. After all, the 26 -year-old( whose name is declared Its-See-Ness) has apparently obstructed her media chart picture-perfect to fit her character: online personal trainer to 12 million admirers on Facebook and 7 million on Instagram. Not to mention, she is an inspirational flesh to the countless women whove bought into her buzzed-about Bikini Body Guide, a 12 -week fitness and nutrition programme thats set off a batch of hashtags on Instagram, including #bbg( tagged in 5.8 million poles) and #bbgcommunity( tagged in 2.6 million poles ).

#bbgprogress @annasfit advancement using my #bbg curriculum! She says I hope these motivate others as much as me. Its sunny again so it necessitates bikinis! — The right photo is about 2,5 years ago and the correct one yesterday. Good acts take time. http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Jun 8, 2017 at 1:34 pm PDT

Does she drink alcohol? Its poison, Itsines has been quoted enunciating. Has she ever had chicken pieces? Nope, she told Fox News. Favorite pizza? Supreme with lots of veggies and, in Australia, where shes from, pineapple.

THE 14 HEALTHIEST ITEMS AT YOUR FAVORITE FAST-FOOD RESTAURANTS

What shed be if she wasnt a personal manager: A educator! she exclaimed. What category? Fitness!

Original? No. But when you get to know Itsines in person, theres no question she’s enthusiastic about her work.

— 3 STEPS TO LEARN HOW TO DO A PULL UP — This is for the girls asking me This is my first attempt at putting verse on my videos … IT DIDN’T GO AS PLANNED OKAY ….work with me here people hahaha. ANYWAY !! Let me just say this doesn’t happen over night. You need to practice each step until they are ALL mastered! Then you can attempt an unassisted chin up/ pull up http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 21, 2017 at 12:11 am PDT

Check this out, Itsines enunciated, pulling out her iPhone and showing off her newest curriculum, BBG Stronger, on the SWEAT app, for which shes collaborated with managers Sjana Elise and Kelsey Wells, two other rising stars in the fitness nature.( Itsines program schools wives how to incorporate heavines machines at the gym into their workouts .) As a cluster of female peers delivering by assembled around her post-interview, Itsines giddily scrolled through the differences among boasts each move boasts a digital exhibition by Itsines, ended with a timer to help users stay on track motivating quenched oohs and ahs.

Forbes lately called the Adelaide native the most influential fitness personality worldwide a claim shes earned through promoting her diet and fitness platforms, works, in-person bootcamps, and custom stock, like yoga mats and foam rollers, on her site.

‘ALIEN YOGA’: THE TRUTH ABOUT THE WACKY TREND YOU’RE SEEING ON INSTAGRAM

Itsines fame, she told Fox News, has grown organically through an online community of women who inspire each other. On her social media details, you wont find person reproaching or recommendations to cut carbs( one of the most difficult mistakes Itsines meets American maidens see ), but instead, you will see inspirational mentions encouraging self-love, her followers side-by-side metamorphosi photos, and snapshots of fruit dishes and Itsines rock-hard abs. Suffice it to told she’s facilitated produce the charge for the growing body-confidence movement on Instagram.

26 today I feel like some of “youve had” literally watch me “re growing up” !! So Thankyou for all your foundation over the past few years and happy birthday to anyone who shares the same birthday with me !! http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 20, 2017 at 3:11 pm PDT

Ive been a female-only trainer my entire life I started out at a female-only personal schooling centre, answered Itsines, who got into the industry just before her 19 th birthday. I know girls, Im a woman myself, I know what they crave, I know how they conclude, I know how they feel.

Fox News: You descent out of college to become a personal manager, started working at a small gym in your hometown of Adelaide, and connected Instagram on a whim after your business marriage and boyfriend, Tobi Pearce, promoted “youve got to” do so. But at what spot did you know that you had really made something large-scale?

Itsines: World Tour in 2015 was big because I got to hear folks floors who followed my planned, and I got to hear how I changed “peoples lives”. As a coach, you sort of anticipate, Well, you did that because you put in the hard work and you put in the effort. But they were so insistent in went on to say that, No, Kayla, it was you. You gave me the confidence, you gave me the persuasivenes. I was standing there supposing, This is amazing. This is changing families lives.

Fox News: How do you stay sanded?

Itsines: My family dirts me so much better. Theyre a big Greek family, and I live a time from my grandparents, who dont pronounce any English. They know what I do, but its almost like they dont attention. They dont think of me as anything special or as Kayla Itsines from Instagram. Its only that Im their granddaughter. They still yell at me when Im belatedly!

My baby – I love you! @tobi_pearce http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 6, 2017 at 5:24 am PDT

Fox News: Youve altered millions of womens lives. What has that been like?

Itsines: Thats an indefinable detect. I dont know if youve ever knowledge someone coming up to you and supposing, Youve changed my life, but you can feel that passion, and you try to hard not to yell and not to hug them forever.

@chasingfitnessdreams I’m so proud of you !! Progress expending my #bbg platform! She adds “I have struggled with my heavines and self confidence for a years. I was pretty tiny my whole life until I procured my desire for nutrient. I would eat what I wanted, when I wanted without exerting, I simply didn’t really care what it would do to me. Then once I seemed uncomfortable with how I searched I would urgently try to lose the heavines again until I was smaller then do it all over again! This messed up my metabolism and built me so sad! I have now noticed poise and learnt myself that I can have the nutrients I cherish whilst exercising to perceive large and keep in shape. Having additional load on me formed me feel tired, grumpy, breathless, bloated and miserable .. some people may say I gazed better before .. and to me that is a flattery but I simply want everyone to remember .. it DOESN’T MATTER what you look like .. it’s how you Find that are important. And I feel astonishing thanks to finding Kayla who attains me want to feel the best I can, so thanks girl ‘ I have 10 weeks until my sisters wedding and I am so excited to wear my bridesmaids dress find self-confident ” http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 12, 2017 at 4:31 am PDT

Fox News: How do you pick the person or persons to boast on your Instagram?

Itsines: This is something I expend a lot of season on, and its not necessarily someone who appears a certain acces or talks a certain style. Its someone whos super inspiring, and I have to be able to go on their profile, should be noted that theyve done the program, should be noted that theyre a positive party, and see that they actually have a pilgrimage that other women can follow and be inspired by.

@victoria. malmbbg 14 weeks advancement expending my #bbg curriculum !! stupendous …. did I forget to mention she is also a baby of TWO http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbgprogress

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Jun 14, 2017 at 12:58 pm PDT

Fox News : What are some of the most difficult misconceptions you watch dames construct when theyre trying to change their bodies?

Itsines: One of the biggest gaffes Ive understood wives build in America is the cutting-out-carbs act. Its, I want to look like this when truly, they should focus on how they appear rather than how they gaze. It should be: Im gonna do this to stimulate myself happier, so in turn, I experience beautiful. Thats truly a mindset Im trying to teach women.

HOW ONE WOMAN DROPPED 100 POUNDS BY FOLLOWING A FAD DIET

Another mistake wives obligate would be going too hard too fast. As wives, we have theatres where we get this sudden reason, we are seeking to do everything Im so motivated, Im gonna “re going to the” gym, Im gonna work out for hours and hours and they work out, theyre super sore, they cant continue it, and they become unmotivated. Its just about taking happenings step by step: maybe doing a seven-minute workout and making it into a 14 -minute workout the next week. Its about slowly improving your workout up until you feel good rather than pushing it very far.

Fox News: Whats your advice for someone who is working out and trying to get more physically fit, but is not realise develops?

Itsines: Take a step back and is to ensure that theyre cozy with their training regime, gobbling the right foods, and boozing enough irrigate. Sometimes, its just about devouring more and doing less thats something thats a very hard abstraction to move to ladies, specially here in the U.S.

@mysweatlife amazing develop photo To one of the most manner and hard working girls I know … you are absolutely killing it !! I am so freakin proud of you http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbg #bbgprogress

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 25, 2017 at 6:12 am PDT

Fox News: Have you always been strong and fit? And if not, what challenges did you overcome to achieve the body you have today?

Itsines: I have always been fit Ive been into basketball since I was 5 years old. But in terms of forte, that took a lot of building up. I did that through basketball training and training in the gym. Nonetheless, Ive always been really, very happily married within myself, and thats what I try to push to dames that I contemplate the more you do gradually, the better you start to feel.

CROSSFIT ATHLETE’S POWERFUL TRANSFORMATION PHOTO PROVES GETTING FIT TAKES TIME

Fox News: Any advice for women struggling with organization confidence?

Itsines: We could have the best organizations in the world, but if we dont feel good on the inside, it doesnt question. I ever say to parties, Contemplate about the most beautiful party you know. Theyre not beautiful because they have a beautiful figure! You dont mention, Oh my best friend or the person I adore the most is so beautiful because her body searches any particular acces. Its because she makes me laugh, because shes smart, because shes here for me. Beauty comes from the inside, and the more that ladies start focusing on that, the more beautiful people become, including themselves.

Ladies, what’s your favourite organization area to workout !?! Comment below! http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 28, 2017 at 4:57 am PDT

Fox News: Your strategy is truly based on helping women become strong , not skinny what would you say to anyone who doesnt contemplate strong is sexy or attractive?

Itsines: Strong is always sex and attractive! And the word strong what does that intend? Because forte comes from within, and BBG Stronger is a program that promotes dames strolling into the gym with trust and experiencing self-confident as they walk out. When youre self-confident within you, it constructs and it extends, and it glistens out of you.

8 LITTLE CHANGES THAT CAN LEAD TO WEIGHT LOSS

Fox News: Your Instagram is of great root of brainchild and funding. Can you speak a little to why having that sort of support is really important for people who are on a fitness passage?

Itsines: The translations are certainly relatable you can go onto the page and find someone who looked like you before, or who ingest the method you do, or was living in the same country you do. I think that relatability is really nice to have, so “youre not” looking at one particular being suppose, Well, I cant dine that or I cant do that.

@healthylife. iv change employing my #bbg program !! http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbgprogress

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Jun 10, 2017 at 3:21 am PDT

Fox News: Your programs are large-scale on poise in that they involve heavines discipline, cardio, extending and resting and, on the nutrition side, even dessert! Why is this mixture so important for producing outcomes?

Itsines: Balance is important in life. It keeps us sane! Why, as wives, shouldnt we be able to have our dinner and eat our dessert? Why shouldnt we have that? For illustration, last nighttime I had some pasta and chocolate after, and I dont feel bad because I chew health and I work out. Everything in moderation!

Just having a little moment of refection. I feel like the last few years has been an absolute whirlwind! When life gets busy, you often don’t get the chance to stop and think about what you’ve achieved along the way! Time is transferring by no matter what you do. So why stress? Why get worked up? Why obsess so much better when you can be happy and enjoy your life instead! I know that’s easier said than done sometimes, but genuinely when you think about it, you SHOULD be happy. You should be able to celebrate every moment. Time will pass no matter what…..so you may as well be happy and do what you cherish. http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbg photo credit – @alexpreview

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on Apr 24, 2017 at 7:00 pm PDT

Fox News: Do you ALWAYS dine healthy? Whats something you enjoy chewing that beings might not expect?

Itsines: Greek cakes! Theyre Greek tarts with sugar and walnuts.( Itsines mothers are from Kos, Greece .)

Fox News: You swerved 26 in May, and youve already fulfilled more than most women your age. Do you ever feel like, Where do I run from here?

Itsines: No! My patrons are the perfect speciman that age was nothing. Some of them are 40, 45, 50 years old and have the energy levels of a 20 -year-old. For me, whats next is facilitating more women and reading how I can do that to its implementation of getting feedback from all levels of society and with BBG. Its just so exciting.

Flashback !! My favourite thought in the world is satisfying my #bbg girls. I have left every single one of the boot camps, gone to my inn chamber, sat on my plot, set my honcho in my hands and cried. Not from sadness, I wasn’t sad at all! I was the terminated opposite in fact. I was overwhelmed with so much better joy and pride! Until I encountered you girls, I had no idea how much POSITIVE change was appear in all regions of the world. I got to hear all of your stupendous floors and how #bbg has changed your life or the life of someone you love. Even now, my sees ocean as I’m writing this because it builds me think back to all the amazing times that I have with you all. All I can say is thank you and that I am so so so sanctified so be able to meet you girls and hear your narratives. I would Desire for you to berth in specific comments below and tell others why you started the #bbg and how it changed your life. I want to show wives that everyone’s floor is different and we are all here for different reasons, but with one discontinue point … health and merriment http://ift.tt/1qtdY6U app #bbgstronger

A post shared by KAYLA ITSINES (@ kayla_itsines) on May 18, 2017 at 5:47 am PDT

* This interview has been edited for span and clarity .

The post BBG trainer Kayla Itsines: Alcohol is ‘poison, ‘ but carbs sure aren’t appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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