#it might be deleted later honestly I don't know at this stage

[fitzrove]

One undertheorised aspect of Elisabeth [yes I'm approaching the show like a research field] is that of the POV in Mayerling. Setting aside/ignoring my favourite interpretation (ie. Lucheni's POV colours every scene from beginning to end), I started thinking: could it be we're seeing it through Elisabeth's eyes?

The first time Elisabeth acknowledges the mirror imagery (which is built between her and Rudolf in the Vienna-based productions) is literally right after his death - "you were like me, you needed me / I left you on your own to free myself -- / The fault is mine". She seems to see "the truth" (what the show has constructed for us to see from the start - Elisabeth's emancipation and Rudolf's isolation) and blames herself for it. And that "truth", as it is represented in the show, includes (personified) Death.

But is it really "the truth", or is it what Elisabeth has come up with in her long solitary hours despairing in the crypt? Has she, while mourning him, just begun to think back on everything she knows about Rudolf and reinterpreted his life as a nightmare similar to her own - looking to Death for guidance and comfort and yet suffering as a result? Maybe Elisabeth isn't just observing; she's interpreting and creating (the narrative) before our eyes. What we see happen to Rudolf before that point is her hindsight. And ok the implications are kind of horrifying especially for Schatten reprises where Tod really goes at it physically, like, her imagining Rudolf suffering like that - like she has with depression as well, in DLT and WITW - over and over (in Mayerling too) and not being able to stop it because he's already dead.

Granted, there are some things that make this less likely: ie. the overall strength of the Lucheni interpretation (I think it's the canon one honestly, there's too much evidence to ignore) as well as the historical fact that Elisabeth remained mostly ignorant of Rudolf's political writings and aspirations even after his death, but it's still interesting to think about.

In any case I don't think Rudolf is in control of his own narrative like traditional fictional characters are - and why should he be, he's a minor character in a show using storybook/circus/etc aesthetics as an artistic device. He's in control of his actions within that narrative (ie. Elisabeth saying his death is her fault is not really true), but he's really a plot device. And therefore:

1)conspiracy bad XDD

2) Mirror imagery good, hence removing the mayerling kiss horribly bad

3) what if Elisabeth made up Mama, schatten reprise and Mayerling after the fact, while despairing and overthinking what she could've done differently during Totenklage (out of all the candidates for "narrator"/POV character, Rudolf is just about the unlikeliest person in the show - he's only born halfway in and dies before it ends)

Fourth point under the cut for whining XD Might delete that part later

4) i keep saying this ad nauseam but we do not really need more/expanded mayerling (or rudolf immorality) stuff in the show ahsjfkggkkf. I get that in terms of history and the public sphere, we need justice and spotlight for Mary, but the show is about the death of liberal politics through Rudolf and it's already unclear to some people so we don't need to make it more confusing for them. Based on the level of reading comprehension online re my favourite shows I don't trust people to understand the symbolic death of liberal Europe in the face of Hass AND the rudolf-elisabeth mirror imagery AND Rudolf as a historical person being complicated and shitty. The last one can be brought into it through acting I think, but we don't need to change the staging to be heavier on the historical Mayerling stuff. You can criticise the portrayal, you can think Elisabeth does a bad job of portraying Rudolf and normalizes abuse or murder or something, but you can't really change how it's depicted without wrecking the architecture of the show. Rudolf literally has no canon personality beyond "sad" [being gay for death is part of this] and "struggling politically"

I promise i'm not sexist and horrible btw akjsjdjdfkgkg. But like legit. Rudolf already comes as a matching set with the mayerling affair in the public sphere. Elisabeth is like the only thing where his political legacy (or lack thereof) is of equal importance, and the portrayal is generally sympathetic. I'm not saying we can't do more rudolf media that addresses it with more complexity, but Elisabeth is not the time or place - especially since if we did include more of the Mary stuff (as a staging choice, since the script is set), it would almost certainly fail to do anything meaningful in terms of her historical legacy, given that she wouldn't be named (can't stop the mayerling sequence to give a spoken rundown of events...), and her life and personality beyond the circumstances of her death would once again be overshadowed by her ending up in Mayerling

[your-divine-ribs]

Red Part 9

Words: 2.5k

Y/N is trying so hard to stay away from Van but she can’t avoid him forever… no warnings for this part ❤️

Red Masterlist Main Masterlist

You can't go on like this... you have to end things with Van...

You repeat the same few lines over and over in your head like a mantra over the following two weeks, almost like it's a sacred incantation that might somehow ward off these feelings that haunt you. It doesn't work though, your heart lurching every time your phone vibrates with a text message. Van's insistent, that's for sure. His texts start out flirty with plenty of innuendoes, but by the third day of you blanking him they take on a more serious tone.

Van: This won't go away just because you're avoiding me. I need to see you.

Van: We need to talk. You can't just keep ignoring me.

Van: I miss you x

The last one just rips into your heart brutally, and from that point on you hit delete quickly every time his name flashes up on your phone screen, trying not to read the contents of the messages. It's safer that way.

Of course ignoring Van doesn't mean that you automatically stop thinking about him though. He lingers there in your mind frustratingly, refusing to budge. He's the first image that pops into your head on waking and the last thought intruding on your mind as you battle with sleep. His whispered seductions in your ear, his hot breath fanning against your neck, the plushness of his lips as they press feverishly against yours... and those eyes... captivating and impossibly blue in the sunlight, drawing you in.

You've stayed away from Larry's ever since the day after the party, feigning a mystery illness, even going as far as insisting that Larry steers clear of your house too in case you infect him. He argues at first, but you insist. After all you are sick. Sick with guilt.

For the first time in all the years that you've been together you find yourself imagining a scenario where you two break up, playing the scene in your head like a movie. Larry shocked and disbelieving, pleading for you to reconsider through his tears. Van there waiting in the wings to move in and claim you, the duplicitous victor who steals you right out of his best friend's arms. No matter which way you play it, the outcome is always the same. Heartbreak for all involved.

You just can't do it.

"You can't still be ill, surely?"

Larry's tone is disbelieving and you're glad that you're on the phone and not face to face where he could see your flushed cheeks and guilt-ridden expression.

"Honestly, I've never felt so bad in all my life. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"But Sophie says she saw you in town yesterday, you were just coming out of that cafe on the High Street. You can't be that bad if you're out and about."

Sophie.

So she's still on the scene. It surprises you and that familiar jealousy comes flooding back, but you remind yourself that you have no business feeling it. If you don't want Van you're going to have to get used to seeing him with other girls. It's actually a good thing.

It doesn't feel good though.

"Errr... well, I guess I am starting to feel a little better." You flounder at being caught out. "I only popped out for a moment."

But Larry doesn't seem concerned that your excuses could be lies, he's got no reason to think that you'd be so devious in trying to avoid him. He just sounds happy, his voice raising up in excitement.

"Ah great, if you're starting to feel better then you'll be okay to come to the gig on Friday night."

"Gig? What gig?"

"You know... the lids are playing the O2 Academy. It's gonna be great. Tickets sold out in about 5 minutes."

"Oh..."

You're struck with anxiety at the thought of seeing Van again, but you know that you can't hide away forever. Sooner or later you're going to have to face him so it might as well be sooner. And he'll be up on stage for most of the night which should make staying out of his way even easier.

"Yeah... yeah. I should be alright. I'll come. Should be a good night."

You try to inject some form of enthusiasm into your voice but it's strained, not that Larry seems to notice. He's off on an excited rant, enthusing about what a good opportunity this is for the band and his best friend. It twists your heart to hear how proud he is of Van, and this just confirms to you that you're making the right decision by ending things.

"Ahh yeah it's gonna be class, and Dan the manager reckons this is just the start of it. He's just in talks with some of the major festivals and there's a good chance they'll be booking loads over the summer. They're really going places, I can feel it. Next year is gonna be immense! And Van's writing some quality tunes at the moment... proper anthems. Hopefully he might play one of the new ones on Friday."

You find yourself zoning out, Larry's words becoming indistinct until you hear something that makes your ears prick up.

"I'm just hoping this gig'll sort him out. Honestly I don't know what's got into him at the moment, he's been moping around with a face like thunder, ignoring Bondy's texts, shutting himself away in his room... he's been a bloody nightmare. Sophie says he's been snapping at her too..."

You close your eyes and screw up your face, your gut twisting as you listen to Larry's account of Van's mysterious uncharacteristic behaviour. What the fuck have you two been playing at? You're not just risking messing up your own lives, but also dragging other people into this whole sordid mess.

You need to rid yourself of this notion that you're somehow falling for Van. It's lust, that's all it is. Plain and simple. And you can soon put a stop to that. You just need to control your urges and see Van for who he really is. It wasn't so long ago that you were disgusted as he paraded a string of lovestruck girls into his bed. He's only on his best behaviour right now because he's on a mission to bed you. And that's never going to happen. Never. Never in a million years. It's over.

Gig nights are always accompanied by a mixture of emotions. Bob and Benji are a bag of nerves even though Benji tries to play it down, a contrast to Bondy's quiet, chilled confidence. Van's always hyper and tonight's no different. He's pacing back and forth in the back room of the venue, practically bouncing off the walls. At least the excitement is overshadowing the awkward moment that you two first clapped eyes on each other. Your train of thought had been utterly derailed and you were rendered speechless as you'd pushed through the door and seen him standing there, your breath catching in your throat as he'd greeted you with a rush of words which sounded very much like relief.

"Y/N! You made it. I really didn't think you'd come but here you are!"

"Here I am," you echo weakly when your power of speech returns, immediately dropping your head down to study the floor to hide your red cheeks. Thankfully everyone's so caught up in the pre-gig excitement that they don't appear to notice Van's eyes lingering on you and your obvious discomfort, but you announce that you're going to the bar nevertheless, keen to be released from Van's stifling gaze.

You turn quickly on your heel, head still down, making for the doorway that you've just come through. Various cries sound out from the lads, placing their orders, but you don't turn around. You just carry on walking, through into the corridor where you stop, taking a deep breath and leaning up against the wall, tipping your head back and closing your eyes.

Fuck... you hadn't been expecting the strength of emotions that had come crashing down on you when you'd seen Van. It had hit you like a ten-tonne truck, a wave of longing and craving and pent-up desire, a rush that made you feel weak, your head still spinning as you curse inwardly, trying to compose yourself.

"Are you okay Y/N?"

The female voice catches you by surprise and your eyes flick open quickly to see Sophie standing there, eyes wide and brimming with concern.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine... good... really good actually. I just felt a little... I don't know... faint I guess. It's so hot in there." You fan yourself with a hand, glad to have an excuse for your scarlet cheeks.

"Larry said you'd not been very well so I thought I'd come and check on you. It's not like any of the lads would think to… am I right?"

She rolls her eyes and grins, linking an arm through yours, friendly and conspiratorial. You smile back, pushing your body off the wall, letting her turn you both in the direction of the venue foyer and bar.

"Yeah, guys are shit like that aren't they? Completely wrapped up in themselves."

"Totally! Oh god, especially Van. Sometimes I wonder whether he notices that I'm even there at all!"

You can't help the satisfaction that floods you at her words and you hate yourself for it, pushing it away and playing the understanding confidante, glancing over at Sophie as you walk along.

"Oh, well that's Van for you, he's so easily distracted. So... are things not... errr... going that well with you two then?"

Sophie lets out an audible sigh as you arrive at the bar, both leaning on it with your elbows. "I don't know. He's so moody at the moment, and it's like his mind's always somewhere else entirely when we're together."

Your mind goes to the frequent text messages you've been receiving. You dig in your bag for your purse, ordering pints for everyone. "You do realise that the band always comes first don't you?"

Sophie shrugs, shaking her head slightly, her glossy brunette locks falling perfectly to frame her face. She really is gorgeous, Van must be crazy.

"I know that... and I mean I know we've not been together long, but sometimes I wonder whether he's just stringing me along. You know, until something better comes along."

"Well I don't know about that..." you begin, but Sophie talks over you, eager to tell you her woes, reaching for the first freshly poured pint.

"I mean you did warn me didn't you? About what Van was like? Maybe I should've listened... but I keep finding myself going back for more. He's just so bloody gorgeous it's like I can't help myself. D'ya know what I mean?"

You almost mumble out an agreement before you stop yourself, dipping your head to take a sip of your own pint instead. Sophie's not waiting for an answer anyway, she's on a roll.  And what she says next shocks you.

"It's funny really, I've fancied Van for so long. I tried to catch his eye for ages, turned up to all his gigs, went to all the same parties, then after months he finally noticed me. I thought it was like a dream come true, but now I'm not so sure. I'm beginning to think that maybe Van's not the real catch here... maybe it's your Larry instead!"

You splutter in surprise, nearly spraying her in a mouthful of lager, swallowing it too quickly and making yourself cough. "Larry?" You croak, wiping the drink that's dripping down your chin.

She throws her head back with a hearty laugh, a hand reaching out for your arm. "Oh my god Y/N! You should see your face! Yes Larry... your Larry! There's not many Larry's around here last time I checked!"

You crack an awkward smile, setting your drink back down on the bar. "Yeah, I guess he's a good one."

"The best!" Sophie giggles. "Honestly, he's such a sweetheart. When I got upset over how Van was acting the other day he was so lovely. And he's hilarious too, he had me in stitches telling me stories of what the guys all get up to when they're touring."

Her eyes are all lit up as she speaks and you suppose you should feel threatened that this gorgeous girl's so taken with your boyfriend, but you don't. You just listen on, smiling and sipping your drink as she tells you a story of Larry picking her up from a party when she'd had too much to drink as Van wouldn't answer his phone. You hadn't realised how close they'd become in such a short space of time.

Suddenly she stops mid-sentence, eyes wide and cautious. "Oh bloody hell, listen to me going off on one! I hope I'm not over-stepping the mark. You do know that Larry adores you right? I really don't think that he'd even so much as look at another girl. Ahh shit I feel bad now! Me and my big mouth!"

"No, no it's fine," you assure her. "Larry's one of the good guys, nothing's too much trouble for him. He's like everyone's best mate."

Sophie's wariness evaporates instantly. "Yes! That's just it!"

"Alright ladies?"

You feel an arm on your shoulder as you hear the familiar voice in your ear and you whip your head up to see Larry's wide grin. He's got his other arm curled over Sophie's shoulder and she shrieks excitedly on seeing him.

"Larry! Oh my god, we've literally just been talking about you! Bet your ears were burning!"

"Hope it was all good," he grins, giving you a kiss on the cheek, murmuring a quiet "hiya love".

There's a flurry of greetings and hugs, and again you marvel at how seeing Sophie obviously so close to Larry isn't setting off alarm bells in your head. Maybe it's because you're so secure in the knowledge that he'd never stray. Or maybe it's something else. Maybe the spark really has gone from your relationship, that giddy breathless feeling that Van gives you, so addictive that you're always left craving more.

As Larry picks up the pints that you and Sophie can't manage and you all turn back towards the green room, thoughts are thundering through your head like a hurricane. You know damn well that you'd be foolish to think that the rush of excitement from a new relationship can be sustained, and the comfortable companionship that usually ensues is really the ultimate goal, but you still can't shake that disquieting feeling that your relationship with Larry has run its course.

But this isn't the movies. There won't be some dramatic scene accompanied by emotional turmoil that ends up in life lessons and everyone living happily ever after. The fact remains that not only are you a dishonest cheat, you've done the unthinkable and embarked on a illicit affair with your boyfriend's best friend.

Again the words ring through your head, and a quiet determination blooms inside you.

You can't go on like this... you have to end things with Van...

[merp-blerp]

Movies that Might Make Good Musicals in My Opinion & Why

So I made a list of musicals that might make good movie musicals before, so now I'll do vice versa. Just like most list I make, this will be long, detailed, and possibly edited later. Sorry, lol.

Dead Poets Society

So I've heard talk of this already existing or being in development, but I haven't seen anything, so this might just be more of a “what I hope for” thing. The movie was also already a stage show. This should have a John Patrick Shanley’s Prodigal Son type vibe, not just because Robert Sean Leonard is in that show too, but the sense of the script and feel of the show. I can see the music having a Spring Awakening sound to it. I think a musical would be a great way to improve upon the film in some areas, like Knox and Chris’s romance that bordered on creepy (and underdeveloped), and the Nuwanda stuff that was pretty insensitive to Native Americans. Also, maybe change how... white the film was, in terms of cast and extras. Brown v. Board had happened by 1959; there could've been students of color (maybe the casting reflected how rigid Welton Academy was, but that should be acknowledged, which it wasn't, if so). And please keep Neil and Todd’s queer subtext, or better yet, make the queerness explicit. And I don't know if he can sing or anything, but I'd die to see Ethan Hawke, or really any of the og poets play Keating. Ethan now just reminds me the most of Keating for some reason, and I think it’d be touching.

Wild Nights with Emily

Emily Dickinson’s poems are famous for being pretty musical, so a musical about her would be cool. Wild Nights with Emily is one of my favorite piece of media about Dickinson because it doesn't portray her as a boring shut-in who wrote boring poetry, a far cry from who she was. It was also the right amount of silly for me personally (I love Apple TV’s Dickinson, but the modern humor could be a bit much for me sometimes. But that's just a me thing, not an inherent flaw of the show. It's storyline is also a bit too long for a musical, it being a series). Turning Emily’s poems to songs would be easy (?) because of how she wrote them; they already fit songs like "House of the Rising Sun", "The Yellow Rose of Texas", etc. Dickinson’s “Split The Lark” song kills me every time (straight up cast Ella Hunt in this hypothetical show would be a cool idea). And I could see Mabel singing lines from Emily's poems and warping them as a villain song since she seemingly did that in real life.

The Sandlot

I love musicals staring a bunch of kids. I like feeling impressed and like they're more talented than me. The Sandlot would be fun. I could see it being performed in the round. I don't have many detailed thoughts about this one right now honestly. I just like the idea. And I love this movie.

Rocketman

This one feels like it was supposed to be on stage from the get-go. The movie, especially during the title number, felt like the world’s most detailed proshot. Not a flaw to me, but to some.

The Iron Giant

I'm glad this once underrated flick has gotten more attention over the years. Even though it's amazing, I always felt like there could be more to it. Like we could develop Dean and Annie's relationship beyond one or two-ish scenes of bonding and boom! Relationship. Or maybe cut out their romantic connection entirely, as it's not necessary. And include the deleted scene (that was included in the extended cut) of Dean seeing Giant’s dream projected on the his TV so that his views on Giant changing when he almost attacks Hogarth make a bit more sense. I think it wouldn't hurt for the story to be longer. I don't know how the technicalities of the show would work with Giant and how big he is. There's a King Kong musical, so maybe something like that, or of course scaling down Giant in the process but still making him big. It’d be an impressive puppet.

Secondhand Lions

This film should be a classic! If you haven't seen the it I recommend it. It has a similar-esque story to The Iron Giant, being about a boy making friends with a non human creature (a lion if you didn't guess). The film just deserves more attention. EDIT: So I recently rewatched this film and notice what might be the actor playing young Garth (who's white) with a painted face to look darker during one of Hub’s backstories. It might've just been the lighting on the scene, but it might not be. This would obviously be really bad, so some kind of musical remake could be an opportunity to fix this issue. Just a heads up that it might be there.

Pippi Longstocking

If you can't tell, kids' movies to me would be the easiest to turn into musicals. I grew up with the Swedish version of Pippi (English dubbed) thanks to my dad. I loved it, along with the American film, cartoon, and even the Shirley Temple Show version. It could work as a musical. The films and show already had their own different theme songs.

The Lorax

I know this might sound odd. Of all the films on this list, I want this one the most. The Illumination film, while fun, had a lot of flaws (no shame if you still liked it), such as marketing for the film contradicting its own message, the film being too safe, etc. But that's exactly why I think a stage show would work. It could improve on the film. Like having better characterization and being less gimmicky. I would also want it to be a bit more faithful to the book/TV short film in a few ways. If it's possible on stage, I liked the idea of obscuring The Once-Ler’s face to symbolize that he could be anyone, including the audience if they let themselves. Maybe even make Once-Ler a gender-ambiguous role to reflect that more. And the story ending with the child (Ted in the film, unnamed in the book/TV short) being given the tree seed and walking away from The Once-Ler’s home, reminding the audience that there is hope to save the trees, but it hasn't been done yet, as the trees are still in danger unless people care to help the trees. The film’s very happy ending arguably only serves as inspiration porn rather than actually teaching people to care about the trees. I could see “Let It Grow” staying in some way as a song sung by The Lorax and his animal friends in the beginning when Once-Ler first arrives at the forest, trying to convince him to not harm the trees. Maybe even obscure the child’s identity and gender to symbolize that they could be anyone as well. Make the Once-Ler’s rise to greed longer than just one song. You don't destroy the trees in a day. You don't become a monster in a day. It would hit better. And make Once-Ler’s destruction a conscious choice rather than blame his unawareness of the trees' deaths. Maybe even have him lie initially about his awareness of the trees to Thneedvile till he confesses to the kid that he did know, but didn't care so he could make money. Companies lie like that all the time. Imagine a scene immediately after his full transmission to evil (“How Bad Can I Be?” in the film) where he looks upon the treeless land and actually looks apathetic towards it and only cares when he realizes it will ruin his business since he can't find an alternative to tree fluff/leaves; he doesn't express true care till he talks about it to the child/Ted, as he's only realized his folly over the years. There are some things from the film that could be saved, like the memorial Lorax and the animals have for the UNLESS tree. That was the best addition the film made. And include the cut song “Biggering” rather than “How Bad Can I Be?”! That was a masterpiece and should've never been cut. Or better yet, have bits of “How bad can I be” performed at the beginning of Once-Ler’s poor decision-making, and have “Biggering” be this sort of final crescendo before his complete downfall. Like “How Bad Can I Be?” is a cut-up as a prologue(s). The demo version of “Thneedvile” also added to Ted/the kid more, so I think that would stay too. All the cut songs actually add a lot to the story and have great humor, but the film wanted to be marketable and as inoffensive as possible rather than good (and was made by one of the most money-hungry, Once-Ler-like film companies ever). I would want a slightly more dark approach to the massaging. Show more of the effects of the world losing trees rather than just talk about how bad it is. Show us why we should care. Maybe include an endangered animal in the story and have it go extinct thanks to The Once-Ler’s practices. Just something. The message could even be extended to not just care about the trees, but the natural world as a whole, as global warming and other issues like it are still as big of problems as ever.

Jennifer's Body

I think we need more horror musicals. We have Carrie The Musical, Starkid’s Hatchetfield Universe, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Jekyll and Hyde, etc. so a horror musical isn't as odd as it might sound at first. I liked the film, but there were some things that if feel could us an update. Like the dialogue being very cheesy and dated (nothing wrong if you like that, I get its appeal; it's just not my thing unless done in a particular way). Or Needy and Jen’s attraction to each other being treated more as sapphic fetishization to get guys to see the movie rather than it being there for representation (especially in the trailers for the film). I think it would be nice to see more pre-succubus Jennifer, and her friendship with Needy pre-succubus, so that it could be a bit more sad when she's changes and so that the change is felt more. It would also make it more sad when Needy has to kill her. I want more pain or hesitance from Needy having to fight and kill Jen. Even though she knows it's not Jennifer anymore it still can't be easy to deal with your best friend/crush dying twice. They were friends from childhood, it has to be a least a little painful. I guess I just want a bit more heart behind it than the film had (not that I thought the film didn't have any).

The Invisible Man

We have Jekyll and Hyde and Frankenstein musicals. Griffin might as well join his mad scientist bros. This would almost definitely have to be a musical movie because I have no idea how you would make Griffin look invisible on stage practically. I really like gothic musicals and I think this could have a similar vibe. Griffin’s more blatantly asshole-y behavior when compared to Jekyll and Frankenstein’s well-meaning but flawed natures could make him and the musical stand out against its other mad scientist processors.

[emilythezeldafan]

Waiting In The Wings [Hello Puppets]

Warnings: abuse alluded to, feeling overshadowed, I got kinda lazy LMAO, ignoring the fact puppets kinda need human hosts to get around and do this shit. Might delete this and redo it later honestly smh.

@graceandtheidiotsquad

@ anyone

"BELLA!" The Ballerina Marionette was distracted from her thoughts by the rather loud voice of the resident artist who she happened to share a room with. Great. She really didn't know if she wanted to see him right now - not that she had anything against him, no, she loved him like a brother - albeit a slightly annoying one - she just...didn't feel her best today. And getting near deafened wasn't exactly helping. Using a hand to push back her curtain, she greeted Nick with a tilt of the head. "...Hello, Nick."

"Is something wrong?" Of course, he would notice something wrong when she didn't want him to. "There's nothing wrong." The reply came out shorter and more impatient than she intended it to, she could try leaving, retreating back behind her curtain as she usually did when faced with confrontation, but Nick was a persistent one, when he wanted to be. "Are you su-"

"I'M FINE, NICHOLAS!" The Ballerina yelled, immediately feeling guilty - she knew how Nick could get when someone raised their voice at him, although she had yet to discover why. "...If you're really determined to find out what's the matter with me, I suppose it's your right to know. I don't know how to say this...so I'll just have to do it your way." The Marionette inhaled, and started to...sing?

"Guess we all are born with parts to play

Some of us are stars, and some are just in the way

I know I was meant for glory

But that's never what my story brings

And yet I keep on waiting..."

She took a breath, not that she even needed to breathe, and continued.

"When you have the passion and the drive

You expect your moment center stage to arrive

I show up with heart ablazing

Ready to achieve amazing things

But I'm left waiting in the wings...."

"....Is this how you really feel?" Nick was...shocked to say the least, he'd had no idea what Bella was feeling this whole time.

"I hear my cue, and yet I'm kept there waiting

Know what to do, and still I stand there waiting

It's always someone else who sings

While I'm left waiting in the wings

And so I keep on keeping on....

My chances come and then I blink and they're gone

Always overlooked unfairly

While pretending that it barely stings

But it stings, yes, it stings....!

And I'll shed no tears, I'll only keep on waiting

If no one cheers, well, I can keep on waiting

Who cares how loud the silence rings

You'll find me waiting in the wings..."

"I was never meant to be a star. I mean, look at me- you're the showman, the one who catches everyones' stare. ...I'm just there." Bella sighed, turning to go back behind her curtain, but Nick grabbed hold of her arm. "....For once, I don't know what to say. I had no idea you felt this way. I never meant to make you feel second rate. Without you, this place would probably be torn apart by hate." Truthfully, he felt guilty. Sure, he knew he was amazing he hated himself, even though Mortimer didn't seem to think so, but he never meant to make anyone feel like they were inferior! That wouldn't be very nice of him at all.

"....If you start self-blaming, I'll slap you." She weakly chuckled, breath still shuddering slightly - feeling at least a little better - enough to notice something. "...What happened to your face? I'm pretty sure that wasn't there before." ...There was a crack on his face. Not unlike the ones running across her body, and something about it being there made her feel slightly sick.

"Nothing." The answer came quickly. A little too quickly. "...I'm going to find out one way or another." An overdramatic sigh.

"...It was Mortimer."

[yona-chan]

Under a cut because heavy opinion...

I don’t want to tell people what to think about any given AkaYona chapter/arc. Seeing a take on something that happens in AnY that is waaay different to my own interpretation can be irksome, but at the end of the day I think it wise to accept that everyone will read a series differently and have different opinions. Reading these different takes can be interesting, and discussing them even more so. Even if I usually disagree with someone's interpretation of an AnY chapter, I am often keen to at least see what they thought.

Something I am not keen on, however, is seeing lots of negativity about the series through opinions about (and hatred towards) things that haven’t actually happened in the series. Case and point: lots of people seem annoyed that "Yona has been made a general and will lead an army despite having no experience". Like, yeah, if that were to happen that would be questionable, and a good thing to discuss… but it hasn’t happened. Kye-Sook didn’t make Yona a general. He asked her to remain at Soo-Won’s side during any upcoming battle, and then take over for him if (and so far only if) he is incapacitated. AND WE DIDN’T EVEN GET YONA’S REPLY! I get that one could think that Soo-Won will fall ill and Yona will have to take over – that’s a fair prediction, but we have no way of knowing yet if that will happen. Yona could reject the offer next chapter, she could accept and spend time with Soo-Won and Kye-Sook studying their battle plans and learning (like… you know, everyone complains she doesn’t do – didn’t see many suggestions that this could be a good time for her to learn like everyone seemingly wants her to) or she could accept but then Soo-Won is fine and she has to run off during the battle to do something else. Or, yeah, maybe she accepts, we see nothing behind the scenes and then Soo-Won does go down and she leads flawlessly with seemingly no training. ANYTHING could happen. Making predictions is fun, and it can be a super interesting thing to do while reading a series. On the flipside, seeing the setup for something you're not keen on and fearing it’ll occur in a series can be frustrating, especially if this has happened multiple times before. I get that. What I don’t understand, however, is basing an entire opinion (usually negative) on a series of predictions and not waiting to see if they are actually correct. Or, by the time the part of the story proving them correct/incorrect comes along, not discussing what actually happened due to having already moved on to other predictions and judging them instead.

I say all of this because I’ve noticed this kind of pattern in the AnY fandom for a while: people getting angry at things that haven’t happen in the story. Sometimes this is like I mentioned above, fans getting annoyed at predictions about what might (but actually hasn’t) happened. Sometimes though it’s fans making predictions about things they really want to happen, and then getting angry and saying that the story beats/characters are bad because what they wanted didn’t occur, whilst totally ignoring what has happened/why their prediction maybe couldn’t have happened in the story. It’s… very frustrating for me.

Why does this matter? Because I believe this kind of thinking creates a very negative fandom experience for no reason. I think constantly being pessimistic about stuff that hasn’t actually occurred/only enjoying something if it occurs exactly as you want it to is not only unfair towards any series and what it actually does provide, but I find it also skews fandom perception to misremember what actually happens in a series. (Side note: I also think this can be a sign that a series really isn't for you, and it's time to drop it. Nothing wrong with quitting on a series that is doing nothing for you - honestly. There are so many stories out there that you might actually enjoy and will be worth your time) For example, I keep seeing all of this negativity about “Yona’s divine aura” and how it “makes people immediately like her” but… I haven’t seen evidence of this in the series, only people predicting that she will win people over easily. An aura? Sure, she has shown that before. We’ve seen it when some bad guys pause and do the whole, “What’s happening? Who is she? Why can’t I move” spiel. Said aura automatically making people like her with no other reason? Nah son, hasn’t happened. I’m being serious – please, name a character in the series who likes Yona for no other reason than that she’s Yona. The key words here are “no other reason”, because unless I am forgetting someone (and maybe I am, who knows?) I cannot think of any character in the series who likes Yona/has been nice to her without there being some reason for it/her earning it. Despite this, I see this complaint (that “people fall for her aura and just like her/let her do things for no reason”) being levelled at Yona all the time, as if it has happened multiple times during the series. It’s then discussed in "predictions" (again, presented not as something that might happen but an inevitability due to it happening before) and the cycle continues.

Again, I don’t want to sound like I’m angry at people for predicting things. That’s fine. Most of the time I like reading predictions and seeing what people have perhaps worked out from previous clues/story beats. But these posts should be treated as what they are: predictions. I don't think it's fair to judge a chapter solely on what you think is going to happen/what the seeming implications of it are, no matter how sure you are that what you think will come to fruition.

I don’t want to tell people not to post their opinions or predictions - of course I wouldn't want to imply that. It’s just frustrating for me to read through predictions that are discussed as if they are inevitable and not totally up to the will of the author. Similarly, it's frustrating for me to read through posts being presented as chapter reviews/story discussions, thinking to myself “but what you're talking about hasn’t happened” the entire time.

[johnkrrasinski]

started from a call

full masterlist

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 3,610

Warning: angst with a happy ending! that's all.

Summary: written for @wkemeup's 9k writing challenge with the prompt "character a leaves an embarrassing, drunk message on character b’s voicemail and spends the rest of the night trying to discreetly delete it from [b]’s phone." inspired by a bit of ross and rachel from friends too. you found out from steve that bucky was in love with you in high school but after he returns home with a girl in his arm, you cancelled your plans to tell him how you feel. will you and bucky have your happy ending?

a/n: please like, reblog and leave a feedback. :) enjoy!

"Alright, I'll see you tonight. Bye." He leaned against the kitchen counter and hung up the phone with a grin on his face. "You hear that, Sam? We're going on our third date tonight." He threw his phone up into the air and caught it so casually without spilling a drop of his coffee sitting on his right hand. "Looks like I'm getting that 300 bucks soon."

"Hey, easy. You ain't going to that date yet, who knows? She could bail on you. It doesn't count if the date doesn't end well."

"Oh, but it will. I just gotta turn on my charm and next thing you know, we're already meeting the parents stage."

"Meeting the parents? That's a big step from you, Buck."

"Hey, I'm a man of my words. If I said that I'm going to change this year then I'm gonna stick to it."

"So Leah isn't just a one-time thing to get 300 bucks?"

"Maybe yes, maybe no. We'll see how tonight goes. But one thing's for sure is that I'm getting that 300 bucks."

Sam and Bucky made a bet as their New Year's resolution that Bucky would never go on a second date with any girl or remember to call her in the morning after a wild night. His commitment issues had given him a reputation as the player in the gang. It wasn't a new thing anymore to anyone that when they visited Bucky's place in the morning, they would see a girl with a dopey smile and slightly ruffled hair walking out of his apartment, giddy that Bucky just made a promise to call her later.

You, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Steve were hanging out at Nat's place. The six of you had been friends since college. You, Nat, Bucky and Steve had known each other since high school and the four of you kept in touch despite going to separate universities. You met Wanda when you went to NYU and Steve met Sam while he was in Harvard. Long story short, after the four of you graduated, you and Wanda lived together as roommates and even started your own bakery business. Steve and Bucky lived in the same building as you and Natasha and Sam lived nearly alone. They were too independent for roommates. Don't even start on Natasha and how much she valued her personal space. That's how the six of you ended up here, gathered at your place on a Saturday afternoon.

"Are you gonna pick her up tonight?"

"Of course. Gonna clean up well, bring her some flowers and knock on her door at 7 pm precisely. Which girl isn't gonna fall for that?" Bucky walked over to the couch you and Nat were sitting on and leaned on the headrest, his arms caging both you and Natasha.

You didn't say anything nor did Natasha because she knew about your feelings for Bucky. Despite never feeling that way about Bucky in high school, your feelings changed a week ago after learning that Bucky used to be in love with you but never had the courage to tell you. That's why he never had a girlfriend during his high school years and he wanted to take you to prom and confess his feelings to you but he was too late. Another guy had already snooped in first.

You were his first love but it wasn't reciprocated until now. That's why in college, he learned how to get over you and slept with as many women as possible because he felt like he lost four years of his life of finding the one. He never intended to be a player and feed girls empty promises, it just kind of became his way of dating. He was too afraid that no one could live up to you yet he enjoyed being with women. Hence, the bet.

The day you found out from Steve about Bucky's past feelings for you while playing truth or dare, you immediately wanted to call him up but Bucky was out of town for a few days and as soon as he was back home, he had Leah in his arm. Your heart was crushed. Wanda told you that it would probably last for a few days and that he'd eventually be single again but you totally did not expect this thing to turn into something serious. You loved Sam with every fibre of your being, he was like the big brother you never had, but you wanted to curse him for making that bet.

So you just rolled your eyes and stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, even though your heart felt like it was being stabbed over and over again. "Alright, I gotta go. Got a big date tonight. I'll see you guys in a few hours." Just like that, Bucky walked out of the room without knowing the pain his words caused you.

The next day you were sitting in your bed watching The Notebook in your pyjamas because you were too heartbroken to do anything productive. It was Sunday so you could just have a whole day to yourself and do absolutely nothing but cry. Wanda knocked on your door bringing a plate of cookies and she had a pitiful look on her face. "y/n? Sweetie? I made you these cookies, they might make you feel better." Sometimes you thank the stars for bringing her into your life.

"Thank you, Wanda. You're so nice to me." You know you probably sound like a hormonal whiny kid but everything made you cry at the moment.

"Do you need anything else? I know how it feels to get your heartbroken, trust me. When me and Vision had a fight and we didn't talk for days all I wanted was to curl up and never leave my bed, so in case you need anything, I'm here." She offered you that warm smile of hers.

"No, all I want right now is to just eat these cookies and go back to my film, thanks Wan."

"Okay, I'll be outside." Your pity party was interrupted when Nat arrived in her leather jacket and burst into your room.

"Get up, you are taking a shower and you're getting that face beat."

"Natasha, what the hell? Leave me alone."

"Y/N, listen to me. I got a date for you. His name is Scott and he's a real nice guy, he's funny, he's a good friend of mine and he is really smart. He is so much better than Bucky, I promise you. Now c'mon, I already told him that you are meeting him tonight at Stark's restaurant at 7."

You whined, doing anything you can to get her to leave you alone with your tears and your cookies but you knew that once Natasha set her mind on something, there's no talking her way out of it. Damn that woman with her determination.

"Y/N, c'mon! Wallowing all day isn't you. I know you and what's good for you. That's why I found you a great guy who will charm you so good that you will forget Barnes even existed. You can't let him win, y/n. If he's going to be happy with someone else, then you better show him that you can be much happier with other people."

You stared at her, trying to absorb her words. There's some wisdom in that. You're not the type to cry over a guy, not even for even Bucky Barnes. So you let Natasha drag you to the shower and asked Wanda to do your hair when she does your makeup. She chose an outfit for you, a dress that was not too sexy but chic enough to leave a good first impression.

Scott was early to the restaurant and he looked elated to see you. He was wearing a grey suit with no tie and he had a really exuberant smile on his face, the type that drew people easily. You could see why Natasha called him a nice guy.

"Wow, sorry, I just- didn't expect you to be this beautiful."

"Ah, thank you, Scott. Have you been waiting long?"

"No, not at all. I just arrived here like five minutes ago."

The night went on and Scott did most of the asking and talking, you answered each question curtly with forced enthusiasm in your face and body language. You weren't even listening to half of the things he said because your mind kept playing images of Bucky with Leah and how you heard from Sam that the date went well so he lost 300 bucks. You kept thinking about Bucky and Leah and how they would probably get married and have kids and live in the suburbs with a golden retriever while you'd still be single and you'd compare every man you meet to Bucky. Maybe it was your karma for not reciprocating his feelings in high school.

Five glasses of wine and you spent more time nodding than talking. Honestly, all you wanted to do was to just go home and go back to The Notebook because their love story was much better than your love life. Scott woke you out of your daze, "Natasha told you that I was cuter than this, did she?" after you gulped your sixth glass of wine.

"Oh Scott, I'm so sorry. It's not you, it's me. I know it sounds cliche but it's just... I'm not in a place where I'm looking for a boyfriend. You are a really likeable guy and I swear, if we had met at another time, maybe I would be a better date but right now, I just- I have someone else in my mind." You sighed, it felt like a relief to get that off your chest.

"Is this guy... an ex-boyfriend?"

You chuckled, "no... He wishes."

Scott nodded, "look, I don't know what your situation is but I've been through a divorce and it's never easy. But eventually, you'll be fine. You can't see it now because you haven't had closure." Then it was as if the bulb above your head was turned on.

"That's it.  Closure, yeah. That's all I need. Okay, give me a minute. I'm gonna call him now and I'm going to get my closure."

Scott sat there watching you comically trying to find your phone in your purse and tapped on Bucky's contact number. The normal you would be sweating with every ring but intoxicated you had no worries in the world... For now.

"This is Bucky. Can't pick up right now, leave a message." Beep.

"Hello, yes, Bucky! Or James, should I call you James? I always thought Bucky was a weird name. Anyways, I'm just calling to tell you that I am fine and I am on a date with Scott. And speaking of dates, I just gotta tell you that I'm happy to hear that your date went well. And that, my friend, means that I am over you. That's right, I'm over you. Tell Leah I say hi." You said sarcastically.

You hung up the phone and threw your phone back into your purse. You felt like you just won a chess game.

The next morning you decided to sleep in because your heart was pounding and you could barely sit up without feeling like you might fall. You were supposed to be working at the bakery but since you owned the bakery, Wanda let you sleep it off until you recover. You couldn't remember anything from last night, how you got back to your apartment was a mystery. You tried to put the pictures together, from being forced to go on a date, meeting a guy named Sean? Simon? Sebastian? Scott! Yes, Scott. You ordered your meals and then... Nothing, it was all blurry. You weren't even sure if anything happened at all after eating your meals.

The apartment was empty because Wanda was working at the bakery and it was just you with your hangover pills. Bucky came to your apartment without knocking because Wanda told him on the phone that you were home. He greeted you with a smile and asked about your date.

"Uh, let's see. I think there was a restaurant, I know there was wine. And there's a guy, Scott and pretty much that's all I can recall."

Bucky made a yikes face. Seeing the state you were in, he could do the math (of the wine you had). You probably enjoyed the alcohol more than the guy. What a doofus, he thought. If he was the one going on a date with you, you'd definitely remember every detail from last night.

"Leah's downstairs and I'm taking her back to her place but I left my keys here last night. Have you seen it?"

"No, check the drawers. Maybe Wanda put 'em there."

"Ah, okay." He opened the drawers and found the keys to his bike.

"Did we... Speak on the phone last night?"

"Nope, my phone was dead and I didn't charge it all night so I haven't really checked it. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just... Never mind. My memories are a bit hazy right now. You should go, say hi to Leah for me."

Bucky nodded as you walked back to your room to go lie down. Your question reminded him that he should probably check his phone now because there could be work-related messages but the first thing he heard was a voicemail from you. "Oh, y/n. I got your message!"

That instantly stopped you in your tracks. Your eyes went wide and you froze. You immediately turned around and ran to grab his phone away from him. Bucky had a confused look on his face, "who's Scott?"

"Oh my God, no, Bucky, give me the phone. Give me the phone!" But it was already too late, he was already halfway through your voicemail and by the time you successfully snatched his phone out of his grasp, he had already heard every word.

Bucky stood there dumbfounded, he needed time to process everything you just said to him. "What do you- what do you mean you're over me?"

"Oh, God... Alright, um- lately, I've um- sort of, have... Feelings for you." You never had to chase a guy or confess your crush first so this felt new and my God, it was nerve-racking.

"You have feelings for me..." He said it as if he was convincing himself that his ears got it right. Bucky couldn't believe the words that just escaped through your lips, for years he had dreamed of this moment. Though never did he ever want you to make the first move but adolescent him wanted to hear you say what he'd been wanting to say to you too.

He didn't say anything for what felt like minutes and you couldn't decipher his thoughts from the look on his face. "I need to sit down," he pulled one of the dining chairs and leaned on his side in a defeated posture.

"Bucky... Please say something." You alerted him in a hushed tone, not wanting to startle him than you already did. But he didn't. He was lost at words. What the hell was he supposed to tell her?

"Look Bucky, I'm sorry for telling you this way but I had to. I just- I've been wanting to talk to you about it since you came back to New York, well- actually, since Steve told me but-"

"Whoa, Steve told you?!" He interrupted.

"Yeah, it just accidentally slipped when we were playing truth or dare..."

"Okay well," he stood up from his seat, yet he still couldn't look you in the eye. "I can't do this right now, Leah's waiting for me downstairs and I gotta go." He basically ran out of the room and slammed the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Once your hangover had begun dissipating, you decided to help Wanda at the bakery and took the night shift. She must've been exhausted from managing the bakery alone while also helping the employees in the kitchen so you told her to go home and leave it to you. The bakery's usually slower at night.

When it was nearing closing time and your employees had gone home, you decided to clean up and turned off the lights and checked everything one last time before locking the door. The bell above the door dinged and you were slightly annoyed because who the hell comes to the bakery at this hour?

"I'm sorry we're clo...sed." It was Bucky. He stood there in a black coat, with an expression you still couldn't figure out. "Bucky, what are you-"

"You have no right to tell me that you've got feelings for me." His tone was harsh, he never spoke that way to you or anyone... Ever.

"What?"

He walked closer to you, maintaining his gaze, "You can not tell me that you've got feelings for me now when I'm doing well with my life and Leah..."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I was in love with you for years! Years, y/n! And you never said and did anything and now when everything's going well you're ruining it!"

"I am ruining it?" You repeated the question because you couldn't believe what you just heard. How dare he said those hurtful things to you.

"Yes! I was doing fine with Leah and now I don't know what's going to happen with me and her anymore..."

"Yeah, well, I was doing fine before I found out that YOU were in love with me and never had the balls to tell me!" You did everything you could to not cry, you hated crying in the middle of an argument.

"Hey, it's not like I didn't try. There were your ex-boyfriends and your dates and I had to move on. I couldn't wait forever! And now, now you're too late."

"Oh, so what? You're just gonna walk away and pretend that this never happened?"

"Yes, I'm going to do exactly that and I'm going to go see Leah." He turned around like he did earlier in your apartment and left you alone once again with your heartbreak.

"Fine! Go ahead and see Leah because I don't give a fuck about cowards like you or whoever you sleep with." You slammed the door and tried everything you could to not have a breakdown here because you really hated letting an argument hurt you. You sat on one of the chairs where the customers would sit and you hid your face with your hands and cried.

Not because you just lost an argument but because of what Bucky said and it felt like you had lost Bucky before you even had him. Now there was no hope left for you and Bucky, things were too complicated.

You didn't know how long you had cried there, alone, in the dimmed lighting of your shop but after you felt like the tears had dried, you wiped the traces of your tears from your cheeks with the back of your thumb. You stood from your seat and was ready to go home. You couldn't wait to eat some leftover pizzas, take a warm shower and cry into your pillows until you fall asleep.

But when you were about to leave, you saw Bucky standing on the other side of the door, watching you through the windows with a softer expression on his face. You opened the door and Bucky instantly grabbed your waist and kissed you as if his life depended on it.

You gave in to his kiss, letting him pour every desire and yearning into your lips for as long as he wanted. You grabbed his face because you wanted him impossibly closer and you shut your eyes, letting your guard down. Because it was Bucky, and you'd known him for as long as you could remember and you both deserved this moment.

Bucky eventually pulled away until both of you were running out of air. You were breathless from his kiss, you never knew he was such a good kisser. (It's Bucky and he's had a lot of women on his bed, of course, he was excellent at it. Who were you kidding?) But now that you've had your own front-row experience, you felt a tad of possessiveness at the thought of sharing those lips or any part of him with anyone else.

"I couldn't go back to her knowing you are here alone and I had thrown away what I've wanted for as long as I could remember."

"I'm glad you came back." You pressed your foreheads and you rested your hands on his chest. You could get used to this.

"I hope it's not too late to say this but, y/n y/l/n, will you let me take you to dinner and see a movie after maybe?"

"I wasn't the one who said it's too late," you halfheartedly teased him.

"Shut up, so is that a yes or a no?"

You bit your lip and nodded, "yes. Definitely a yes." You stared into his ocean blue eyes, so deep and beautiful, you could easily get lost in it.

"y/n y/ln, I'm going to put all of your ex-boyfriends to shame."

"Hm, we'll see about that." You put your arms around his neck. Then a thought crossed your mind and your smile faded away, "what are you gonna do about Leah though?"

"I'll talk to her in the morning. Let's take you home now, yeah? It's getting late."

You bit your lip and nodded, "okay."

Ninth grade you dreamed of popular jocks and athletic seniors, but little did you know that, sometimes, the one who sincerely loved you was the book nerd who loved The Hobbit a little too much.

[nakunakunomi]

Why I am less active ~ again ~

Cw: mental health // selfshipping // spoilers [One Piece]

Might delete this later, but I am having a moment and I honestly do not know where else to post this without coming across as annoying or weird or whatever.

Please DO NOT REBLOG.

So, it's been an emotional week or two, I have been sick because of sleep deprivation on top of it all and I am pretty sure shark week is coming up, so I am being an emotional mess right now. I won't bother y'all with the details, cause frankly, they don't matter. But I can feel my mental health just spiraling down and I have no way to stop it. It'll soon be the summer holiday, and hopefully I will have some time to recuperate.

Anyway, that's not what it is about here. This is about the most recent OP chapter leaks, altho by now it might actually be out (idk, I usually actually don't follow the manga *this* closely). If you're not there and you don't want to be spoiled then please consider this your final warning to stop reading.

So, in the final chapter Ashura and Izo died. Now... I have not been following super closely, and I am not even sure why I checked the spoilers earlier. I know it's fictional characters, trust me, I am 10000% aware. And yet. Izo's death has hit me a little harder than I expected.

For the past 2 years, he's been my main comfort character and I was actively selfshipping with him. Not so much on Tumblr because I am too self-aware and insecure to throw it out in the open like that, but on discord, among friends, and in some little writings that I never shared up here.

Selfshipping has been a great comfort while I figure out what is wrong with me mental health wise. It's been a great tool to figure out what I look for IRL relationships, hell it's been a help figuring out my sexuality, all in a safe online environment, helping me reflect on the real life that's not online. It's been a great comfort whenever I feel insecure, a source of humor to look back onto on bad days, just a very nice coping mechanism for when the depresso hits hard.

It's nothing new that a comfort character dies, it's almost a running meme that 90% of my comfort characters don't make the end of whatever medium they're part of and usually I handle it pretty well. An emotional reaction at the moment I see/read/hear it happen, and maybe some exaggerated online outrage, then some memes and acceptance, 5 stages of grief, but make it funny kinda thing.

But for some reason, this hit super hard? Be it hormones, depression, the fact that my real life is having some struggles at the moment... it just was the figurative drop that made the bucket spill (is that how you say it in English?) and I have been crying some real human tears over non real characters.

I had planned a tiny break while being on weekend with my students and wanted to get back to writing (especially for the summer event and OP bingo) the moment I got home. Instead I kinda got teary eyed and shut my laptop again. My head just fills with Angsty thoughts, and while those are all fun and games whenever I am in a good place, now is not the moment for it. So I am taking a little break again, I am extremely sorry.

I *will* get over it, and will do what any other fanfic writer does in situations like this: ignore canon and move on. But for now it kinda hurts and I feel silly even admitting to it.

Anyway. I just needed to let that out, writing down my feelings is somewhat cathartic and I am running out of tissues, so I had to try something else. I am not even sure if many people will read this because my range has been a little less again lately, but I just had to get it off my chest? Sorry for making you read this entire rambling wall of text if you're still reading. I am not even sure if I am making any sense at all.

Signing off with loads of love, and drink a lot of water, be gentle for yourself, it's what I am doing rn as well. ♡

Love, Hazel

Ps: please don't reblog, invalidate my feelings cause the characters are not real or if you don't like selfshipping. Anything negative said, I'll just block.

[thatmomentwhen345]

Ok ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

These last two weeks have been very emotionally exhausting because of finals and what I’m about to tell you and I don’t really know how to sum it up so I guess you’re getting the same treatment as my Facebook (this is copied directly from the post on there and was posted on December 12th for context)

(This is the beginning of the Facebook post)

You guys, I don’t know what to do.

You might have gathered from my last few posts, but I’m not okay. And it will sound like such a stupid reason to the majority of you. But I made an irreversible mistake back in 2019 that has been haunting me for the past week. This is the first time that I can remember regretting a decision this much. Was it my stubbornness, my closed-mindedness? Was it my see-it-to-believe-it tendencies? Was it my inability to learn from my mistakes?

For those who don’t know, on November 13th of this year, the YouTube channel Unus Annus was deleted from the platform forever. After one year of daily videos by Markiplier and CrankGameplays, it was all gone. The point of the channel was to remind us to use our time that we have alive wisely, because Memento Mori. Remember that you must die.

The channel started on November 15th of 2019, and, well, I don’t know anything about their beginnings. I just saw their introduction video in my recommended or on trending or something and thought, “Is that Markiplier? Shouldn’t he be focusing on his own channel? Who’s this other guy?” and moved on without a second thought. I occasionally saw their videos in the trending tab but ignored them. I didn’t even know they had such a big following. I thought it looked stupid and didn’t think about it until, well, the end.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching the final livestream that would mark the day that the channel was deleted for good. I was in the room with the livestream on the TV, watching their final hours tick by, still not thinking about the channel at all. Just like, oh hey that thing that people were talking about, wasn’t it like, a cult? I didn’t think about it at all until... the fifth of December? Was it really only a week ago? That feels like a lifetime away now...

The YouTuber FootofaFerret released a video called “Pretending Unus Annus Isn’t Over” and I saw it in my reccomended. https://youtu.be/8SMpCbI9U00 I was like, hey, yeah, I remember that thing that ended. I trusted Foafy’s judgement because of his previous videos about saying goodbye to Steven Universe. So I watched it and don’t really remember how it made me feel. I just remember him saying that the Unus Annus fandom was in mourning and I was like “aw poor guys I’ve seen on TikTok some people are sad about it”. Foafy also suggested that people who were wanting more of the Unus Annus vibe to watch Mark’s Markiplier Makes playlist. I watched some of them and, again, moved on.

The timeline is fuzzy from here on. I’m still processing it, honestly. I think I might have looked up the Unus Annus theme (Turncoat by Michael Rothery) first? Then I think I found some compilations or clips from their videos and was like wow this stuff is funny. And then I realized that there are archived versions of all of their videos (that’s against the rules of Unus Annus for those who don’t know) and... don’t hate me... went looking for them. I watched two in full. I won’t say which two but just know that the second one I specifically searched out because I knew that they did a lot of random stuff on there and that there was a chance that they would do it too. And they did! It was a funny video. I realized how much of a fun dynamic that Ethan and Mark had and looked for more compilations. The more I watched, the more I realized that I had made a terrible mistake in 2019.

I had missed out on so much. And I couldn’t take it back without breaking the rules. The concept of Unus Annus intrigued me so much, all of the people involved on the channel worked so well together, they were all so funny, but now I could never experience it in full because I was stubborn and, well, thinking about other things this year. I could have jumped in at any point between then and November 13th of this year but I chose not to.

Monday was a rollercoaster. 1st stage: denial. I was like well this doesn’t matter, I’m not even in the UA fandom, it’s gone and I don’t care. But it wasn’t that simple of course. I kept watching the Markiplier Makes videos and the UA compilations and became particularly interested in Ethan. He seemed very genuine and sensitive and his on-camera chemistry with Mark was really entertaining. 2nd stage: anger. I was furious at myself for missing out. Those two videos I watched in full were just small teasers for what the entire channel was like. I hated that I couldn’t take it back. And I hated that if I did, I would’ve broken the rules and gone against Mark and Ethan’s wishes, which I also wouldn’t be able to take back. I was horribly conflicted. 3rd stage: bargaining. I desperately went after any content surrounding Unus Annus that I could without breaking the rules, and was still considering watching the illegal archives. I haven’t watched any more of them in full, but sometimes I watch parts of them in incognito mode when it becomes too much to bear.

Tuesday was... Tuesday had to have been the longest day I’ve had the entire year. 4th stage: depression. It was slowly sinking in, the gravity of my mistake. I was starting to realize how much of a phenomenon Unus Annus was and that it was so unique and had such a cool message and that it made so many peoples’ 2020 just a little bit better, but not mine. I then did what I always do and found my comfort in music. I put on a bunch of good songs that I hadn’t heard in a while and just... sat there painstakingly doing my math homework. I couldn’t concentrate on anything the whole day. Monday, either. The song Goodbye to a World by Porter Robinson came on and I was like hey, this song perfectly suits the way I’m feeling right now. I wondered if anyone else had made connections between this song and Unus Annus and looked to see if there had been any AMVs (animated music videos) about the idea and the end of UA. Lo and behold, this popped up and I watched it! https://youtu.be/-q-oByQWdlM It hit all the right spots and I just started bawling. What had I done? Why had I missed this opportunity to improve my 2020, just a little bit? Why had I missed this opportunity to get to know Mark and Ethan better? Everyone who had watched all of their videos could feel peace after the end, like Mark and Ethan. But I couldn’t. I could only forever regret my mistake. MY mistake.

Terrible things have happened this year, but all of them have been out of my control. This, however, was my fault. And I can never take it back. And I am having a very hard time handling that.

I don't know how many times I cried on Tuesday. The next song to come on after I watched the AMV was As the World Caves In by Matt Maltese which of course broke me even further. This song also perfectly encapsulated my dilemma. Later I finished my tribute drawing of the channel logo and felt the smallest bit better. The rest of the day is a blur.

Wednesday was better, I guess? I thought I had made it to the 5th stage: acceptance. I was still very sad and mad at myself but I was starting to realize that there was nothing I could do. I subscribed to Ethan’s channel and started getting to know him better. He’s so sweet and talented ☺️

But no, acceptance is still far away. Thursday and Friday were barely better than Tuesday. I painted my nails black and white as a way of coping. I went to a livestream on Ethan’s Twitch and it was really fun! I started watching more of his streams and on one of them he mentioned that his Twitch chat mods had TikToks. So I wondered if he also had a TikTok, which he does! I looked to see if he posted one on the day UA ended. The answer was no but he did post one the day after asking if someone with the skills required could make a mashup of the song Cancer by My Chemical Romance and As the World Caves In. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJqgyrkR/ I was like wowie this guys got taste! And so I looked up if there was a mashup. As a matter of fact, there was one by Clem Turner on YouTube that came out only three days after the end of Unus Annus. https://youtu.be/a5RTVoreSAY I cannot express how much I love this, what it made me feel, and how much it hurt/helped. So I commented on Ethan’s TikTok about it and only a few hours later a new comment appeared on Clem’s video. Ethan had seen it! So I’m just gonna assume I was responsible for that... not only that but half of the comments on the mashup were about Unus Annus as you can see below. I realized how big of a following UA had and felt bad (because of course the people who had actually been with UA the whole way would be grieving a lot more than me), but also, comforted by the fact we could all connect over the loss of something important to them, if in a lot of different ways.

I’m far from getting over this. I’m far from being okay. I’ve never really felt like this before. I feel like a different person than I was last week. But I wanted to write all this down to let it out, process it a little bit, and maybe get some comfort from you guys. It’s completely understandable if you didn’t read this all the way through so...

TLDR: Memento Mori.

(This is the end of the Facebook post)

What I just described really shifted a lot of things in my head in a way I didn’t expect and in a very short amount of time. So, long story short, my Steven Universe hyperfixation ended very suddenly because of an outside factor and I probably won’t be posting a lot about it anymore. Hope you understand.

(art by me but I used the official UA logo as a reference)

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [Enough lowkey happened on that camping trip that this can be near the start of the holidays, like we already been knew but we're pretending still at this point that none of this is real okay lads, obviously they at the stage of pretending to be more life and soul than they actually are 'cos all the fakery so when she's in a mood and gone off it's more noticeable, you feel?] Jimmy: [that's a whole fat mood even if he doesn't actually find her with Harry he'd still be like UM hello] Janis: [I don't think she shoulda 100% come out with the intention of doing this but when she wanna (cos Jimmy, obvs, we know Harry is not that hot or charming really lol) can't it's like well this isn't real so I can't ask him so I wanna be with someone who I can for real, like it could be anyone but he's the obvious choice...apart from that, I think we can go] Jimmy: [100% agree it's not like a calculated bitch move and we know how messy they get at parties so] Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Yep Janis: fresh air Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: 🚽 Jimmy: Oi you're not 🤢 are you? Janis: Fuck off Janis: 'course I ain't Janis: only room with a lock Jimmy: what's up then? Janis: that song was so offensively shit Janis: can't hear myself think Jimmy: come outside Janis: why? Jimmy: I'll pick you a 🌹 obvs Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: a valid one Janis: if I've gotta act 😍 over that, how big the crowd I'm walking into is, etc Jimmy: it's quieter out here, dickhead Janis: idk, could run a bath and go under Jimmy: 💀💀💀 pact's for two Jimmy: can we both fit? Janis: the bath is suitably impressive Janis: no marble though so I'm disgusted, obvs Jimmy: won't somebody think of the blood splatter? 😒 Jimmy: let me in then Janis: What kind of proposition is that? Janis: Give me five minutes Jimmy: so high maintenance, you Janis: If you wanna be known as the kind of boyfriend who has to watch their girlfriend take a piss, be my guest Jimmy: who are you talking about my kinks to, girl? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: no need Janis: all 👀s on us at all times Jimmy: yeah and I look like a right dickhead Jimmy: hurry up, Janet Janis: go 🚬 Janis: I'll be there in a few Jimmy: love when you tell me what to do Jimmy: 😍😍🤤 Janis: I'll add it to the kink list to 📢 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [when it's so awkward like hope there ain't an audience bye] Jimmy: [lights her a 🚬 cos standard but is looking at her like ??] Janis: [taking it and just smoking for a bit 'some nights, this is just more inconvenient than others, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['Nah, it's inconvenient every night, mate' shrugs but is clearly like what the fuck do you mean] Janis: [🙄 'obviously but-' shrugs but in a idk how to word this now kinda way '9/10 when we ain't putting on a show we can still do what we want, yeah?'] Jimmy: [nudges her like go on and taking a big drag while he works out what that means and then takes a hot sec to answer we all know why 'depends'] Janis: ['yeah, it's the depends, ain't it' nods like we're on the same page now 'the shit you wanna do but technically can't 'cos it jeopardizes the whole performance, even when you ain't'] Jimmy: [just looking at her like what even though he knows cos gonna make you say it always #thatbitch] Janis: [just the longest smoke break lmao 'like if we actually wanted to hook up with someone at this party, we can't'] Jimmy: Bathroom door's got a lock on it Jimmy: you said Janis: Obviously Janis: as if there's any chance of 'cheating' without every cunt seeing Janis: they seem thick but they're well up on all this gossip bullshit Jimmy: not with that 🥉 attitude Jimmy: 💕 conquers all, Jules, ain't you heard Janis: Now I'm an amatuer, yeah? Jimmy: do you need me to say it again using the 📢? Janis: how many lasses you had in there tonight then Jimmy: As many as I want Jimmy: [walks away rudely] Janis: alright Janis: message received Jimmy: is it? Janis: Nothing cryptic about it, really Jimmy: we don't need coded 🗨 Jimmy: save that for whoever's meeting you in the bathroom Janis: I doubt I'd be meeting anyone if I had to go to that length of espionage Jimmy: Oi 💀👑 would go to the ends of the earth for you, my dear Janis: 💀👑 can also manage a game of chess, so I hear Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: as romantic nights in go, you could do worse Janis: Romance would not be in his vocabulary, if he knew he had one Janis: thank fuck Jimmy: 💔 or 👍 Jimmy: Delete whichever one Janis: Doing someone else to make you jealous is a cliche too far, I reckon Jimmy: good job that ain't why then Jimmy: you can crack on Janis: Bill would be well let down Jimmy: I ain't got a balcony for him to haunt, it's alright Janis: 🤞 the lack of marble don't vex him then Jimmy: wouldn't be my first 👻🥊 if he really wants to get a mard on Janis: 👍 in a bit Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [later but not like hours obvs] Janis: you still about? Jimmy: weren't gonna just do one without telling you Jimmy: what kind of fake boyfriend Jimmy: [in my head he's having a drink with some art hoe from his class cos saying they're chatting would be a stretch lol] Janis: 💕 Janis: [obvs like oh but recovery of coming over and having a swig of his drink like bonjour] Jimmy: [gives it to her so he has the excuse of going to get another one cos doesn't wanna talk to either of them rn] Janis: [oh the small talk you are not making, this girl, soz hun] Jimmy: [when you just in the kitchen like this takes longer than it does/you can't poss push through the peeps to get back] Janis: what's her story then Janis: why is she so 😪 Jimmy: Who is she? Janis: Got enough to 📢 about you Jimmy: and what? Janis: so stalker or you should at least be able to pull a name out your arse, like Jimmy: Why? I don't remember yours and you're my missus Janis: Hmm 😏 endearing quirk or a sign of early-onset dementia Jimmy: weren't that early 👴 me Janis: True Janis: be back in 🚼 'fore long Jimmy: if you've forgotten how old I am, might wanna get your own 🧠 checked, mate Jimmy: and yeah, your kinks are blatant, calm down Janis: I've been around enough actual babies to know I don't wanna pretend to look after one in my me time Jimmy: I ain't around you in your personal time Jimmy: let you off the 🕛 Janis: no one wants to fake hear about my adult baby kink, dickhead Jimmy: Dunno where I put my 📢 Jimmy: 💔 Janis: are you lost Janis: you've been ages Jimmy: now you miss me Janis: She wasn't much company Jimmy: I don't need to tell you, she ain't the only dickhead here Jimmy: or to crack on Janis: We'll have to be seen in the same room at some point Janis: or I'll just go home, like Jimmy: Off you go then Janis: yeah, 'cos I can just go Janis: you know how this works Jimmy: You ain't been caught out yet Jimmy: maybe the fans weren't as bothered as we reckoned Janis: 'cos I'm not an idiot Janis: which is what we'll both look if we have a weird domestic now Jimmy: you can leave that right out Jimmy: it's how I've looked for ages Janis: You said I could Jimmy: Piss off Janis: You did, you pretty much challenged me to do it Jimmy: Take the out Jimmy: I don't fucking need you here now Janis: Don't be stupid Janis: if I wanted an out, I'd do it Janis: that was the whole point of talking to you Janis: if you had a problem with it tonight you should've said so Jimmy: If you wanna go home, go home Janis: No, 'cos you want me to go home, I'm not going to Janis: and if you want an out, you'll have to fucking say that too Jimmy: I don't care, Janis Jimmy: Alright? Janis: Yeah, fine by me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [storms through this party to go smoke again because that's the mood he's in] Janis: [when you'll have to go break something somewhere 'cos it is not okay, thank God we don't care about whoever's house this is] Jimmy: [honestly there better not be anyone annoying outside cos he will smack you lads] Janis: [seriously I'm like flat whites don't be there we can't be having the levels of violent rn 'cos can't deal with emotions] Jimmy: [likewise thank god he ain't going home to Ian rn cos that'd be a brawl and a half nobody needs] Janis: [oh you two] Jimmy: [he is not drunk enough for this lol] Janis: [when you're so frustrated that was a blatant flop and now you can't leave but can't stay, fun poll] Janis: *lol rude Jimmy: [you had one job Harry ffs] Janis: [must assume he's left 'cos highkey and you'd have to sleep with him and not happening boy] Jimmy: [what do you think she did do before she was like ABORT MISSION] Janis: [it probably got to the usual point and it's like hmm still nothing so maybe she gave him head 'cos frustration honey but then was like good day] Jimmy: [I don't feel sorry for you sir but I do feel sorry for Jimothy because he'd be doing drinking games rn throwforward to their other domestic at that party remember cos only time he ever joins in with that kinda nonsense] Janis: [they're always so grim and you are gonna get so drunk boy, I truly dunno where you're gonna be, casually barricaded in some room you're trashing, like] Jimmy: [imagine some time has passed so he's drunker] Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: you in the 🚽 again or what? Janis: no, I'm not Janis: all yours, mate Jimmy: Tah Jimmy: [sends her some flirty shit he's been sent meaning like I gotta hide but it comes across now like I'm gonna hit that #miscommunication ftw] Janis: There's that out you wanted Janis: good for you Jimmy: What? Janis: Don't what me like an idiot Jimmy: Don't be a twat like a twat Janis: Good one Janis: We'll pretend it'd be more scathing if you weren't pissed Janis: I said good for you, what more could I do to not be a twat? Jimmy: How about you pretend to have a word, you've only got the one job, rich girl Janis: What are you talking about? Jimmy: What did I just say? Janis: Why would I fake jealous of a girl you're gonna go fuck Jimmy: Why would you do owt to help me out? Fuck knows, tonight's obvs not the night for that Janis: You're making no sense right now Janis: and like fuck, this whole thing is about helping you out Jimmy: you Janis: me what Jimmy: You're making no sense Janis: This is stupid Janis: we ain't talking in circles Janis: you've got somewhere to be Jimmy: No I don't Janis: well, I'm not the one you need to let down gently then Jimmy: just Janis: I've already given her dirty looks Janis: ['cos you can't be in that room forever, like] Jimmy: [be extra like it's all for that girl's benefit okay boy] Janis: [when you're gonna respond like for like 'cos casual state you are in lawd] Jimmy: [have a MOMENT because god knows you're not gonna talk about any of this so obvs such a good idea to take your mood out this way instead of course] Janis: ['scuse the SHOW everyone but they can't get a room or the pretense is gone so] Jimmy: [also you all love it so] Janis: [ya perverts, lowkey start a softcore pornsite with all the footage y'all take] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [I get it, they're hot and this is low-key exhibitionism at this point 'cos frustrations] Jimmy: [when he's saying he missed her in between this intense sesh but is he saying it for the unnamed girl and the rest of the audience or because he actually wants to and has drunk enough 🤔] Jimmy: [because not saying it in a really extra fake way just genuinely like 'I missed you' bye] Janis: [excuse you, when neither she nor I is drunk enough to deal with that in a sensible manner] Jimmy: [it's fine we know they're not sensible rn or lowkey ever] Janis: [just gonna be saying his name like a reply, can't pretend you don't know his, babe] Jimmy: [nobody can pretend they don't know how into it he is, look away please art hoe gal] Janis: [there's some things you can't fake lads we know it] Jimmy: [especially when you're basically going as hard as you did on the school trip when you wanted Grace and Co to leave that room] Janis: [remember when, Grace does #triggered] Jimmy: [thank god we said she's not there cos this would be worse than that cos Janis is frustrated/angry af and he's angry/jealous af like imagine] Janis: [someone be shameless enough to stop them please 'cos we can't] Jimmy: [I know we've done the police before but have we done someone's parents rocking up? cos how shaming for this party thrower 🤞 it's not my boy Dan] Janis: [I don't think Dan is cool enough to throw a party at all, god bless and goodnight but yes a good idea, we shall do it] Jimmy: [when you have to go from 100000-0 cos nobody's gonna hear the parents key in the door over all that music and chaos so they just there like] Janis: [just running like lowkey what is happening but gotta go] Jimmy: [handholding for Winnie! at least until this boy has to stop cos can't run as fast or far as her] Janis: [don't vom that wouldn't be cute] Jimmy: [catch your breath and you'll be fine my beloved soft sir] Janis: [patting down his pockets like she's looking for an inhaler but obviously is looking for and gets out his pack of cigarettes like there you go, that'll sort you out 😏] Jimmy: [when he's gotta be so 😏 like steady on girl cos he's actually so 😳 and not just from running clearly, thank god for that 🚬 which we can all pretend suddenly needs the most intense concentration on earth like] Janis: [pushes him like shut up but is also 😳 so carrying on walking ahead so you can hide that and take a moment] Jimmy: [not even trying to catch up cos you also need a minute] Janis: are you going home? Jimmy: Are you? Janis: nah Janis: not when I can help it Jimmy: [shrugs like that's the most casual thing he's ever heard but looking at her like where are you going] Janis: [looking back and shrugging, continuing to walk on like let's see where I end up] Jimmy: [checking his phone to see if there are any other parties cos easter hols so obvs and showing her the options like do you fancy any of these] Janis: [a look like 'you wanna do more faking?' like you don't know oh girl and picking the party that's the closest to where they are right now] Jimmy: [gives her a look like I'll take free drinks over going home cos yeah that's the only reason okay] Janis: [nods like I hear that] Jimmy: [playfully nudges her like so come on] Janis: ['alright, alright' and walking needlessly fast 'cos minimal time alone is required] Jimmy: [when you automatically go to pull her back and then stop yourself cos no] Janis: [whether you notice that or nah, clearly pretending otherwise] Jimmy: [smoking and walking even if you have to light another one immediately idk how far this is and neither does he cos never knows where he is lol] Janis: [looking like 'aren't you gonna give me one?'] Jimmy: [looks back like not if you're 6 miles ahead of me but obvs does give her his and then lights a new one] Janis: [slowing down to take it but still keeping a pace ahead] Jimmy: [and he's just on his phone texting back and forth with Cass cos she's not asleep but should be but obvs he could be doing anything cos Janis don't know his life yet] Janis: [shamelessly like oh, take this time to think about your life and choices, babe] Jimmy: [let us take a moment to appreciate the state of them though like all the skin she's got on show and what he would've done to it, enjoy that in a sec Mia you nosy bitch] Janis: [gonna make her night truly, also he's probably feeling even more pissed 'cos cold air has hit him, like] Jimmy: [yeah that's always fun, thank god he didn't have time to get properly wasted cos Janis has enough catching up to do] Janis: [when you're low-key not even tipsy at this point 'cos the dramaaa] Jimmy: [Oh Jimothy you're clearly not serving as much of a look and you're too drunk, I'm disappointed in you] Janis: [we all know he looks good all the time it's rude] Jimmy: [get in this party and get her a drink boy but handholding cos coupleyness activated the second you're in] Jimmy: [I think he should share her drink because cute but also you don't need more rn and you know it but also he should put a song on he's worked out she likes so they can dance because remember when he thought a shit song started this lol] Janis: [make an entrance you two god bless so mad your mood about to get ruined lol] Jimmy: [omg can we say Harry is talking to Mia but bins her off for Janis when we need that to happen because funny and even funnier when they end up dating later] Janis: [ahh the levels of hate just going up every second, obvs needs to happen] Jimmy: [have your OTT dance moment first though like cos Mia cannot compete there even if she wanted to] Janis: [can't risk a collapse like] Jimmy: [literally how is she alive] Janis: [when he's probs shamelessly watching this but you don't notice 'cos 'course you don't] Jimmy: [he'd be so mad that this isn't a moment like soz jj are too busy having one] Janis: ['cos you think she's literally followed you here like oh God, hence she's gonna freak when she does actually see you're here like gotta go, maybe hit a bathroom again but drag Jimmy with you] Jimmy: [boy you wish she'd follow you anywhere bye] Jimmy: [meanwhile Jimmy just sitting in a bathtub like ?] Janis: [washing me and my clothes bitch, but seriously, just breathing so shallow like full freak out] Jimmy: [can't not notice so literally but very gently pulling her into the tub with him like sit down] Janis: [reluctantly getting in 'cos you're not ready to walk back through to get out even so may as well, leaning back and sighing like well] Jimmy: [taking off her jacket for her not in a saucy way cos that actually might help her feel better you think] Janis: [just rubbing at your now bare arms and straightening up your posture literally pulling yourself together like] Jimmy: [just giving her time cos not that dickhead who's gonna be like WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TELL ME RN] Janis: ['I fucked up'] Jimmy: [looking at her like elaborate please, but in your own time cos still not that dickhead] Janis: [a look like I truly do not want to do that please lol 'there's someone here I don't wanna see, like more than all the other people I don't wanna see, like'] Jimmy: [nodding like okay that's all I need to hear, getting up like let's go as if they haven't just got there and peeps won't be like ?? or anything because he's not thinking about the fake just the real of what she just said even though it hasn't clicked with him that this could be anything to do with earlier because why would she not wanna see that person as far as he's concerned and putting a hand out to help her up and out too which he so doesn't need to do we see you boy] Janis: [is shaking her head like no wait then makes a 😒 face at herself 'cos does not wanna be this contrary bitch or this bitch freaking out ever but like, it's happened now so- 'we shouldn't go, I already fucked up earlier, we should make the most of that lot being here' 'cos obviously Mia also made herself #seen 'cos when doesn't she lol] Jimmy: [when you touch her 😒 face unthinkingly and softly which shakes you to your core because get control of yourself boy so you make a big show of checking yourself in the mirror for an age like okay I'm ready] Janis: [when you fuck up his hair 'cos a. just that bitch and b. you're meant to be getting it on in here so don't be looking all put together 'amateur' but with feeling] Jimmy: [returning the favour because 1. oi and 2. her hair would be a MESS if you had and everyone knows that and tying her jacket around his waist so he can carry it for her without having to and it's like that thing when boys wear girls scrunchies on their wrists and girls lose their minds] Janis: [raises a brow like what are you doing at first but then nods like touche, as much as you've just said you should make a show for the flat whites, when Mia is talking to Harry again you gotta be like, let's get another drink first ty, hopefully some of the others are in the kitchen] Jimmy: [when you're about to question it by typing cos would never out loud obvs cos you can clearly see 💀👑 but yeah then there are others in the kitchen so you go with that] Janis: [#dutchcourage, least you can be cute/in everyone's way by getting on the counter and just casually wrapping your long ass legs 'round him to 😍] Jimmy: [just gently kissing all those lovebites you made at party 1 making a big show of how sorry you are for each one like thanks for all the bare skin I can use to put on a show yet again bitch] Janis: [truly out here in a bra lmao the confidence] Jimmy: [we're all jealous as hell that she can and looks amazing doing it, especially the flat whites] Janis: [Asia like he wanted me first though lol] Jimmy: [oh girl you wish] Jimmy: [we should have him come into the kitchen to get drinks for him and Mia which she can't be fuming about even though we all know his real motives] Janis: [ugh the level of smug, knowing looks that just make her wanna die, leaning into Jimmy's ear and cupping her hand like she's whispering something saucy to him but is literally just hiding like go away] Jimmy: [when he whispers back but uses the opportunity to ask her if she's alright because not an idiot] Janis: [nods 'I just missed you too' when you say it loud enough it could be for the benefit of the audience but is it or nah, we'll never know] Jimmy: [when now isn't the time or place to push her on what's actually wrong so you just go harder instead which equally begs the question are you trying to distract her/make her feel better or is it for the audience] Janis: [just do the most 'til he says something or goes away kids, speaking of, kinda torn between him not saying anything because he thinks it'll happen again ('cos like it has been repeats thus far so fair) so he's just kinda like smug but not gonna outright be saying something dead obvious to Jimothy to start shit...or getting him that drunk that he does, 'cos we could do it when they're outside smoking or something so the whole party don't actually hear for once? idk] Jimmy: [I like that idea like he doesn't say anything here and now so she's like thank fuck I might have actually gotten away with this but then later when he's drunk he could be like about to go and wants her to go with him or whatever] Jimmy: [I also like the possibility that he could say something to Mia at any point #mildperil] Janis: [that's a good idea, bide your time, dickhead] Janis: [also we know she's snekky so instead of being like um why do you keep looking at her and being salty she can probably get something out of him, she's smart and he ain't really so] Jimmy: [yeah that's what I thought and she'd love knowing that Janis 'cheated' this early on for JJ so] Janis: [exactly, hence she can nudge Harry into making that post after the basketball match drama] Jimmy: [OMG yeah I never even thought of that] Janis: [masterminding] Jimmy: [ironically Harry getting with Mia cos she doesn't play games which he thinks Janis is rn] Janis: [lmao good luck with that you already being played now and you got no clue] Jimmy: [I almost feel sorry for him but he didn't need to post those nudes so I don't] Janis: [mhmm honey] Jimmy: [live your best life at this party til later though JJ my babes] Janis: [hells yeah] Jimmy: [it hurts my heart cos they'd both relax thinking shit's okay now and be actually having a good time, fuck you Harold] Janis: [he probably thinks whomever it was has gone, like] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and like not gonna think about it too hard cos her mood has clearly changed and that's the important thing] Janis: [is there anything we wanna do specifically or, how we doing this?] Jimmy: [I think we can probably just skip to when Harry fucks things up because we know the vibe but yeah how do we wanna do that like maybe we can just plot out how it would have gone and see from there cos like she might run away or Jimmy might smack him we don't know lol] Jimmy: [like what do you think he should say/do?] Janis: [Hmm, like you said maybe he comes over and is like okay come back with me though, like enough 'games' now and is ignoring Jimmy so obvs he's like excuse you piss off then when Janis is also like fuck off no so then he's salty and says something when he's walking away like 'tell me how my dick tastes' 'cos he would] Jimmy: [well that's lovely thank you Harry, you're so getting smacked now boy cos his ex was a hoe and he doesn't need to be triggered like that] Janis: [when the worst you were expecting happened and a hoe gotta go] Jimmy: [clearly should try and follow her because how's that gonna look if she leaves without him but doesn't because literally doesn't care about any of that in the moment obvs] Janis: [we're not keeping up the act rn, hopefully there were minimal people about and we can just call Harry a liar later like he's not a trustworthy bitch peeps be known] Jimmy: [yeah I doubt there were many people outside and they'd all be drunk af whoever were and like you said he's not coming through with proof but I hope Janis ain't going to mcvickers gaff cos if Jimothy is going home they'd have to go the same way lol] Janis: [lol imagine, I'll make her run off in a different direction don't worry] Jimmy: [poor bitch she doesn't need the awkward walk of shame] Janis: [she know some places, go work out that aggression again, not that you can but you know] Jimmy: [mhmmm god only knows what Jimothy is gonna do when he gets home cos you can't just casually go to sleep like this is fine] Janis: [I'm like what are you gonna do, what are you gonna say, oh girl] Jimmy: [and how long are you gonna leave it to have the convo too like] Janis: [right, when you wanna do it now to say it, but then you're like, he's not gonna wanna and you're scared too but you don't wanna leave it too long, gay] Janis: [gaaaaaaaaaay 🙄 GAH grammarly GAH ] Jimmy: [he's gonna have to act like he's so not bothered cos it's such early days I'm gonna die] Janis: [okay, I'm gonna say next morning, torture yourself, and inadvertently him, all night] Jimmy: [yassss] Janis: Hey Jimmy: Morning Janis: You alright? Janis: sorry about that idiot last night Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: If you're gonna apologise for every dickhead from last night, do it in a bit, I'm short on time Janis: I won't take on accountability for every cunt, like Janis: just that one Jimmy: Alright Janis: Yeah Janis: you at work? Jimmy: Nah Janis: Oh, alright Janis: well, my bad then Jimmy: I'm in later if you wanna erase your guilt using the tip jar Jimmy: might have another fight in me if it's for 💰💰💰 Janis: Come on Jimmy: what? Janis: Don't take the piss, like Janis: I'm trying to say sorry properly Janis: it was fucking embarrassing Jimmy: he's 💔 give it him Janis: He's an idiot Jimmy: who here ain't? Jimmy: yet to meet 'em, me Janis: Best of luck on that score Jimmy: Tah Janis: I appreciate you punching him regardless Jimmy: it weren't for you Janis: Obviously Janis: still Janis: and he chats shit all the time so, no one will care to remember if they heard anything Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Hopefully they're all too hungover to show their faces in CG today 🤞 Jimmy: 💀👑 don't get hangovers Jimmy: she'd have to swallow Janis: Do spirits have calories 🤔 Janis: oh 👻 Jimmy: give her a bell, you'll have your answer Janis: I'm not feeling that guilty Janis: no need to punish myself like that Jimmy: I get it, you're a fake catholic an' all Jimmy: nowt's real with you Janis: Bit harsh Jimmy: is it? Janis: Yeah Janis: we don't know each other like that Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔🎻💔 Janis: Don't be a dick about it Jimmy: we don't know each other like that Jimmy: I ain't gonna be nice to you, Jill Janis: Alright Janis: well I've said what I need to say so that's that then Jimmy: In a bit then Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: yeah right Jimmy: [posts something extra like mhmm yeah right] Janis: [as extra a response like this convo isn't even going this badly rn] Jimmy: [being even more extra back like gotta remind her how fake this is and how much you don't care] Janis: [oh lads, just a back and forth] Jimmy: [for ages like is anyone but Mia THIS invested] Janis: [the answer is no[ Jimmy: [but like it's also shade on his part cos it's like him saying we've done this so now I don't have to see you today, job done] Janis: [we know it and she knows it honey] Jimmy: [and we know the flirty undertone that's real af isn't there that usually is, they are so phoning this in rn] Janis: [this is so sad tbh] Jimmy: [what if they run into each other somewhere that they don't expect to idk where but like they can't pretend they haven't seen each other cos other people have seen them but like it's not a party so can't be that OTT] Janis: [where could it be hmm] Jimmy: [like it could be something he's taking either of his siblings to even but then why is Janis there 🤔] Janis: [tis the issue, unless we go for the park, like we always do but it's real, and if we make it a nice day, teens would be hanging to peep 'em] Jimmy: [oh true] Janis: [I can't think of anywhere else they'd both be and other people to see, 'cos I was thinking we could steal when Ellie was doing the family shop 'cos Janis could do it too for something to do but idk if any other teens would really be there to the level you'd be like 'we must go 'round this shop together' maybe when they're more 😍 again though] Jimmy: [yeah unless like someone worked there and clocked them but even then a bit of a flimsy excuse probably] Janis: ['cos I doubt any of the flat whites are working in a supermarket so yeah] Jimmy: [exactly and my other thought was maybe it was the pool or like a sports thing but Janis already did the school trip for extra credit so I doubt she'd have to do anything else] Janis: [unless she is just there working out 'cos said about being underwater and not able to hear shit so good throwback] Jimmy: [OOOH] Janis: [also the levels of awks like oh hi we're all just here in our swimsuits lollll we're mean but it makes sense, especially if there's like a kid's holiday deal or some shit you know the vibe] Jimmy: [I'm just imagining in angus thongs when her tan 😂] Janis: [thank god you ain't that hoe lmao] Jimmy: [if Asia is there though lol she is] Jimmy: [she could totally have a little sister and be there like] Janis: [just swimming like a mum] Jimmy: [sending Mia JJ updates with her waterproof phone cos that bitch don't swim so she ain't gonna be there] Janis: [when you just want the ground to swallow you up and you're just saying and looking like I am SO sorry whenever you can 'cos you can't just leave] Jimmy: [casually regretting giving her all those lovebites last night now cos that's all you can see and it's not helping you pretend to be unbothered haha] Jimmy: [thank god 😒 is his default expression] Janis: [up in this pool like a woman shamed in so many ways lol, at least the kids are there for some distraction] Jimmy: [we know Bobby is a shy clingy lad so that'd take a lot of his focus and save us all from dying even more than we are, Cass just trying to drown him cos she's mad he stayed out for ages last night too probably]] Janis: [and you're a #seriousathlete so you can go do some laps without Asia clocking anything God bless] Jimmy: [I really hope the Cass and Jimmy playfight splashes Asia and she gets her hair wet] Janis: [the least she deserves for enabling this awkward rn] Jimmy: [imagine how annoying her little sister would be, stay away from her Bobert you are too sweet] Janis: [fucking little Europe or some shit Jimmy: [We should do China or America cos both on this list I just found] Janis: [ew hate/love that] Jimmy: [maybe there's two of them oh lord] Janis: [Grace be so jelly] Jimmy: [not making them twins though cos she would die] Janis: [forever triggered lol] Jimmy: [I'm thinking one around Bobby's age and then one older but still younger than Cass like] Janis: [sounds legit to me, should we skip forward or try to do this a bit and see what happens, idm] Jimmy: [at least if there's two of them she'd be busy herself so she can't stalk them as hard, I say why not try and see what happens] Janis: [so obviously we wanna do races, who can hold their breath longest, handstands, whatever other tricks you can do in a pool] Jimmy: [Cass throwing her key on the bottom to swim for it, Jimmy like no bitch cos she always loses em and he'd have to get so many cut without encouraging that behaviour] Janis: [gotta lay down the law with a child just attached to you lol God bless] Jimmy: [how awks because this is so early on so like they know nothing about each other's lives and Cass has probably instantly decided she hates Janis and Bobby is like 👀 deer in headlights] Janis: [we're all dying lol like Asia please leave] Jimmy: [Jimmy like neither of you say anything about our missing maybe dead mum or dickhead father please while trying not to betray how he feels about this fake dating/ Harry situation...so chill] Janis: [the stress good lord] Jimmy: [thank god he does have work later I said so he can use that as excuse to leave sooner than he actually needs] Janis: [Asia probably gon follow] Jimmy: [ugh true so then he has to ask Janis if she wants to come so she can hear because 😍 obvs] Janis: [at least she'll have the sense to make up an excuse 'cos we don't need to prolong this casual torture lol] Jimmy: [and at least he has his sibs there so the 'goodbye' doesn't have to be extra af] Janis: [at least we're buying ourselves more fake dating time here 'cos the awks and anger] Jimmy: [I'm proud of us but I'm sorry lads before he goes you've gotta have hot chocolate like I always did after swimming I don't make the law] Janis: [my boo insists, also the kids obvs, like he doesn't work in a cafe and you could swing by there, no no] Jimmy: [yeah fuck your pretentious latte art bitch] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: the ☕️? Janis: not bad but don't reckon they'll replace you with a 🤖 quite yet Jimmy: 💧 on my apron Janis: no doubt help with the 💸💸 tips Jimmy: they'd be more 😍 for 💦 or ☔ Janis: too nice a day for the latter Jimmy: [shrugs cos it's april so could happen] Janis: shouldn't have dried your hair Janis: very music video Jimmy: [when you're amused but you have to hide it so you get your phone out for selfies like she gave you the idea cos tbh not trying to get put on a register by taking 📷 in the pool] Janis: [🙄 but 😏] Jimmy: [casual selfie sesh and then busying yourself putting them up like] Janis: never off the clock, eh Jimmy: two jobs'll do that Janis: wouldn't know Jimmy: bit rude to rub it in, rich girl Jimmy: this ain't a 🎻 sorta place Janis: just the kinda rich girl I am Jimmy: You're alright, I'll keep the 🔪 in my back out of shot, know enough 📷 angles, me Janis: it's really bad manners to bleed everywhere, you know Jimmy: I know how to clean up after myself,  that'll be the kinda poor boy I am Janis: 🚫🎻 Janis: you said Jimmy: I weren't saying it to 💔 you Jimmy: not my job Janis: just saying, follow your own rules Jimmy: make me 😘 Janis: not really got room to lecture there Jimmy: room for nowt 🦒 Jimmy: 🚫🎻 Janis: don't be short about it Janis: you're almost entirely in the right, you may as well take it Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: almost Jimmy: I've done nowt wrong 😇 me Janis: Nah Janis: you told me to do it Jimmy: convenient that Janis: is it? Janis: doubt that Jimmy: for you Janis: Yeah, clearly Jimmy: dry your eyes, mate Jimmy: were obvs such a good idea at the time Janis: You only set all this bullshit up for failure, not me Jimmy: how did I? Janis: You literally said it was fine Janis: I was the one saying it'd probably fuck it up Janis: I did it and I've tried to make it up but you don't care and you're offering no solutions so fuck it Jimmy: we don't need owt 'cause nobody knows owt and even if he says owt it'll sound like bollocks Jimmy: sort your head out Janis: yeah 'cos it's ideal for you to have to punch out lads all the time Jimmy: might be Jimmy: might make my dad proud of me Jimmy: a scrap might just be a laugh Janis: you want me to say you're welcome then Janis: alright, that's that then Jimmy: want you to carry round a 🪥 next time you fancy cracking on with dickheads like that Jimmy: but alright Janis: cheers Janis: you give great advice Jimmy: might do, if we were mates Janis: well we obviously aren't Jimmy: 😮😮😮 Janis: whatever Janis: [making these awkward goodbyes] Jimmy: [when you don't want her to go even though this is awful] Janis: [when you cannot take any more though] Jimmy: [pulling her back like he wanted to last night but couldn't cos he can pretend it's so fake lol lol lol] Janis: [when you're like 'what?' all light and jokey for the fake but then you look at him like actually though] Jimmy: [boy quick tell your face, Daniel will be livid, that you're giving yourself away like this] Janis: [just in a stare-off rn] Jimmy: [leaning in like he's gonna kiss her but obvs can't cos too real rn so he's like 'stop being a dickhead' in a whisper like that's what he was gonna do all along] Janis: [when you're actually like stunned lmao 'great advice as always, Taylor' under your breath and then a faker 'see you later' moment for the rest] Jimmy: [😏 because annoying her is easier and safer as is blowing her a kiss like bye babe] Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you're so irritating Janis: please don't need me for another 3-5 working days yeah Jimmy: I gave you an out, girl Jimmy: It ain't my fault that lad's 🏆 an' all Janis: I knew he was a dickhead before I did it Janis: not 💔 Jimmy: massively your type every 3-5 working days Janis: you reckon, do you Jimmy: you just said Janis: I didn't Janis: I said I knew he was one, not that I was about it Jimmy: if you weren't about it you wouldn't have done it Jimmy: unless you're not about this, and if that's it, take your out Janis: 'cos those are the only two possibilities Janis: I'm 😍 or sick of this and ain't got the balls to say it Janis: well it's neither, tah Jimmy: I never said you were 😍 Janis: alright, my type, whatever, it's the same thing Jimmy: if you wanna get with lads then you obvs ain't gay so we don't need to do this anymore, that's what I'm saying Jimmy: he'd have been happy enough to brag about how straight you are Jimmy: next time take a 📷 and you're 👍 Janis: you really think that thought had never occurred to me prior to this? Janis: if I wanted that, I would've done it ages ago Janis: not my first time, whatever popular opinion dictates Jimmy: weren't gonna chuck you a penny for 'em, my dear Jimmy: If I wanted to wait around at some shit party while another lad sorts out the lass I'm with, I'd have my ex back Jimmy: not my first time at that Janis: all you had to do was say no Janis: not even, just agree with what I was saying Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: tell yourself no, I'm not your fucking conscience Janis: conscience has got nothing to do with it Janis: obviously it'd be wrong if we were actually together Janis: but it's fake so it's just a matter of logistics and if you say you don't care then that's what I'm going on Jimmy: I've got nowt to do with it Janis: Jesus, yes you do, this is a deal between me and you Jimmy: that you were acting put upon about all night so yeah it were fine, to get you to stop marding for 5 seconds Janis: so now it's your turn? Janis: that's a mature way to deal with shit Jimmy: I'd have legged it but you beat me to that, Janet Janis: 'cos you were well in a talking mood Jimmy: I took that hint from you ages before, that'll be why Janis: I tried Janis: this is some bullshit Janis: I tried before, and after, and both times it was all good except it clearly fucking ain't Jimmy: how about you try not to put me in the path of lads you wanna fuck? or have or will do Janis: It weren't even Janis: fine Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: It weren't even what, that you couldn't have called me after you were done? Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: No Janis: I didn't think of it from that perspective, alright, that's fair Janis: this shit is a headfuck Janis: it's not like there are rules, that I've done this loads, enough to navigate it perfectly Jimmy: the only rule is that we don't mess each other about Jimmy: helping each other out is the whole point Janis: Yeah Janis: I seriously didn't think it would, believe that or not Janis: he hasn't bragged about it before but lesson learned Jimmy: I weren't here to mug off before Janis: No Janis: well, like we said, no one's gonna listen to him so as far as damage control goes Jimmy: I heard you the first hundred times you told me that Jimmy: there's no damage control for all the 🕧 waiting around for you in different parts of that massive house Janis: then tell me what I can do Jimmy: if we ain't gonna be in the same room for longer than 10 mins don't bother to invite me Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: alright Janis: I'm not going to do that again, not that you asked but Jimmy: He'd have you back, I never hit him that hard Janis: shut up Jimmy: Alright don't, you can do better Janis: we can all see what he is Jimmy: I weren't giving him 😍 soz to piss on that threesome you had your 🤞 for Janis: 🤢 Janis: stop Jimmy: you can give it all that after you let me be all over you when you were all over that dickhead? Top one Jimmy: if any dickhead's 🤢🤢 it's me Janis: it were complicated Janis: yeah, we should've left Janis: I just Jimmy: weren't trying to have a chat then were you? Jimmy: not a word Janis: so that was selfish Janis: never said I weren't Jimmy: just Janis: I'm sorry Janis: I should've gone when you offered Janis: I wanted the night to be worth it somehow though Jimmy: What does that mean? Janis: Like you said, we'd barely been in the same room so Janis: would've been a wasted night if we left then Jimmy: I'd take a wasted night night over a weird one Janis: Yeah Janis: it made sense at the time Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't emoji at me Jimmy: Or what? Janis: I dunno but I was close to absolving some guilt Janis: bit rude Jimmy: save it for confession, babe Jimmy: I'm in black but that's where the similarity ends Janis: I've never been Jimmy: first time's the charm, Nah? Or is that the third? Jimmy: I dunno 😴 Janis: Cheers Janis: I really have to ask for eternal forgiveness before you're gonna bother Jimmy: If you were my real girlfriend, ain't getting The Lord involved for owt less Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: sorry your ex was a bitch too Jimmy: leave it out Janis: just saying Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: it ain't your problem and she ain't been mine for ages either Janis: okay Janis: still Janis: shit Jimmy: shut up Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: Doubt that Janis: Oh now I talk too much Janis: convenient Jimmy: yeah well chatty, you Jimmy: never know when to stop Janis: yeah well Janis: one of us has to keep the conversation going Jimmy: so #goals girl Janis: Obviously Janis: I feel like my fucking sister right about now Jimmy: Has she been with him an' all? Jimmy: taking the #twinning a bit far there, mate Janis: I hope not Janis: I dunno why you'd make me think of that Janis: I just meant general slagginess and regret Jimmy: I reckon you'd know, hardly the type to keep that to himself Jimmy: Why do you regret it? You said you knew he were a massive twat Janis: I don't know Janis: 'cos he's made me look stupid Jimmy: Only in front of me and I knew you were an idiot 😏 Janis: Thanks Janis: very supportive Jimmy: Do you want me to belt him again? Janis: Only if you feel like it Janis: but it ain't really about him Jimmy: not what I asked, 'cause nah, it ain't about him Janis: No Janis: If you never have to think about him again, that's best for me Jimmy: That all I can do you for, Jules? Jimmy: you don't fancy an overpriced latte or owt, I get that Jimmy: 🌹? Janis: Am I that demanding? Jimmy: Do you want a fake answer there or what? Janis: Cheek Janis: and after you dared to offer me a latte as well Jimmy: I never Janis: Hmm Janis: likely story Jimmy: what's tonight's? Jimmy: we in or out? Janis: I reckon we've done enough to earn a night off Jimmy: Alright Janis: don't you Jimmy: I asked you Janis: Yeah, and I asked you back Jimmy: and I said alright Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Try not to kill yourself at work today Jimmy: And be stuck haunting the CG, you're alright Janis: and you ain't allowed without me Janis: more importantly Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: You're the only one I wanna haunt, baby Janis: Yeah, I better be Jimmy: You are Jimmy: 💔 as Asia is about it Janis: she's lucky I didn't drown her Jimmy: If you really loved me, you would Janis: always coming out with this after the fact, aren't you Jimmy: What's more #goals than murdering a love rival? Jimmy: if you dunno that, Jasmine, I dunno what we're even doing here Janis: Rival is a stretch Janis: if you reckon that then you only gotta ask her Jimmy: Calm it down, bighead Jimmy: The DM asking her to attach ankle weights in the deep end has already been sent Janis: gonna be 😭 over her cankles forever now Jimmy: I were 😭😭😭 first Janis: you mean you didn't just have chlorine in your eyes? Janis: awkward Jimmy: it were already awkward Jimmy: leave my 👀 out of it, tah Janis: but they're so dreamy Jimmy: Send tweet Janis: 😏 Janis: working overtime for you, boy Jimmy: I asked you what you wanted, you never answered, girl Janis: I don't know the menu Jimmy: I have to do everything, I see how it is Janis: You wanted demanding, babe Jimmy: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: Stop flirting with me for 1 second so I can make you a drink! Janis: Bet that's what you say to all the customers Jimmy: Depends Janis: if you like it or nah, sure Jimmy: Nah, what I like is nowt to do with it Janis: Tips? Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: that's kinda fucked, you stop and think about it Jimmy: I don't get long enough breaks to stop and think Janis: Poor baby Janis: I've got all the time in the world to ponder for you Jimmy: just keep rubbing it in, you Janis: 😂 Janis: you know you'd hate it if I weren't a rich girl Jimmy: You ain't paying me nowt last I checked Janis: you'd have nothing to take the piss out of me for if I weren't Janis: worth it's weight in gold, surely Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Bollocks would I not Janis: Bollocks would you Janis: I'm 🥇 Jimmy: You're 🥈 Janis: Psh, fuck you Jimmy: And you're only that 'cause my 🥇 makes you look good Janis: Oh please Janis: you must've bumped your head 'cos you sound downright delusional now Jimmy: Beg all you like you ain't having the 🏆 til you pry it out of my 💀💀💀 hands Janis: Me? Beg? You? Janis: now you're hearing things Jimmy: I can barely read and I still saw that please, girl Jimmy: Felt it an' all Janis: shut up Janis: I was asking the LORD to give you some sense, that's all Jimmy: Convenient that Jimmy: Getting him involved again Janis: I'm a good friend and a good Christian 😇 Jimmy: You ain't either, unless you were chatting shit earlier Janis: Who knows Jimmy: He gonna deliver this drink to you on a ☁ or what? Janis: If only Janis: not a service you provide either, I suppose? Jimmy: I could do Janis: Impressive Janis: if dubious Jimmy: Depends where you want it Janis: 😍😍🤤🤤 Janis: I'll come get it, not that much of an arsehole, usually Jimmy: You're still not having 🥇 Janis: not even if I say please AND thank you? Jimmy: Go on Jimmy: I'll see how I feel Janis: 🔮 so mysterious Jimmy: Old news that Jimmy: And not what I'm waiting to hear off you Janis: You'll be old news, soon 🤞 Jimmy: 💔 Janis: that's the whole point, yeah Janis: or do I accuse you of being closeted too Jimmy: can do Janis: I'm bigger and better than that 🥇😇 Jimmy: 👏 Janis: you thought I was gay too then Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: You tell me Jimmy: Nowt to tell Jimmy: I don't know you Janis: Neither does anyone else who's reached the conclusion Janis: it's not personal Jimmy: Alright, I don't think about you as much as they do Janis: 🙄 Janis: they don't think that much period Janis: but my sexual history ain't playground knowledge so obviously Jimmy: Who started it? Janis: I dunno Janis: you know how it is, only one person needs to say it once Janis: pack mentality bullshit Jimmy: It'll be a lad you didn't wanna get with or a lass who's fuming you're fitter than her Janis: That don't narrow it down Janis: bighead, remember Jimmy: 😏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: is it? Janis: I mean, Bill said it best Janis: telling everyone I ain't wouldn't do shit but make it seem like I was Janis: why else would I have agreed to this Jimmy: 'Cause I'm so fit and mysterious obvs Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm not Asia Jimmy: I know 😭💔 Janis: Could've asked, dickhead Jimmy: She has a BOYFRIEND, Jenna Janis: She wants a NEW ONE Jimmy: duh Janis: ask her then Janis: she'll have so many good ideas Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: Fucking hell, I'd sooner put up with your bad ones Janis: Gee, thanks for the reminder Jimmy: 😘 Janis: no one is there, right Janis: like, no one who's gonna want a show Jimmy: What do you think? Janis: hold on then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🖐 Jimmy: 👀 Janis: how do you live like this Jimmy: What? Janis: having to be around them, even in the holidays Janis: without going postal Jimmy: I ain't got a choice Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: I know, still doesn't mean I get how you do it Jimmy: What's to get? It's a job, even rich girls know how they work Janis: Never mind Jimmy: No, go on Janis: Nah Jimmy: We're back to 🙀 are we? Janis: Nah, we're back to there's no point 'cos you always act like you're so superior when that's not even what I'm saying Janis: so forget it Jimmy: The point is that I serve dickheads all day Jimmy: Mia wishes she could take the 👑 Janis: And you can never just say that Jimmy: They're the centre of your 🌎 not mine Janis: Keep the drink Jimmy: I don't want it Janis: Neither do I Janis: another customer to complain about Jimmy: You can have that 🥇 at least Jimmy: well done Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Later Jimmy: Yeah

[yaoiphobic]

The signs as poor-impulse-control driven things that my friends and I have done

Aquarius: Getting so high that they thought vodka was water and subsequently getting ridiculously drunk as well and then walking over an hour home because they forget that Uber was a thing, then desperately trying to call everyone they knew at four in the morning because they thought that every cop that drove past knew that they were high and was coming after them.

Pisces: Driving real slow past a Pro-Trump rally while blasting lewd rap music and bellowing "LEGALIZE RANCH!" out of the window

Aries: Picking up a homeless man who claimed to have a master plan and going to Dollar Tree where they made away with over a thousand chocolate easter rabbits from the back stockroom and then giving them out to tourists like some sort of chocolate Robin Hood

Taurus: Chugging multiple energy drinks while manic and whipping so hard to a slow song that they gave themselves whiplash and ended up in immense pain for a week.

Gemini: Performing a screamo rendition of Ke$ha's hit song "We R Who We R" at a local venues' talent show and coming in third place.

Cancer: Getting into a screaming match and almost fist-fighting an old man who said something rude to them in the middle of a crosswalk.

Leo: Running into a French macaron store, tripping, rolling over on the ground and then sitting up while doing the splits and making crab claws and hollering "C'EST LA VIE!!" At the girl behind the counter.

Virgo: Sucking off a man twice their age in a Home Depot bathroom and telling him that he was not allowed to cum on their Lorde shirt.

Libra: Gleefully informing everybody at the mall that they were fucked up on cough syrup while totally sober.

Scorpio: Singing a duet with a homeless man selling roses in the middle of the street at 1 in the morning.

Sagittarius: Getting raging drunk and climbing onto the stage at a rap show, and then diving into the crowd while tears streamed down their face.

Capricorn: Walking around downtown in a pea-pod costume with a bag of peas and flinging them at tourists while yelling "BRING BACK WORLD PEAS!!"

[strawberry-jackalope]

honestly, tbh, moonry is the prettiest person I've ever seen in my life, every look works for them, nothing is too daring or understated and they're just so pretty